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ghhh i miss being in israel so bad
#like yeah it sucks ass there but istg i miss it so bad#like my view of being there is very specific because it’s always like just for family and friends no work or school or anything but still.#i need the vibes and the food and sjfkkf#i need the food so bad#theres like nearly nothing good to eat in aus unless you eat out#and im aware the good food in israel is eating out too BUT there is a difference between the expensive food in australia and the pastries in#israel which are like 14 shekels for 3 pastries and thats like a whole meal ur full#14 shekels in AUD would be roughly like. $5#ah shir#$5.60#meanwhile to get actually good food here its like 13$ for hotpot (which is cheap for food here)#or like 25$ for lasagna#and like what else is there. no clue i dont know#at least this one supermarket finally stocks israeli pickles again FINALLY#and the good brand too#finally had people (my parents) telling me off for eating pickles and drinking milk like one after the other as if thats not a normal thing#(its not a normal thing)#(but its my thing. pickles and milk <3)#omg once in israel right#i was at my paternal grandmas house with my dad grandma and my dads friend#and we were playing cards and shit and eating pickles#and i just sort of ate one pickle in like one bite i guess?? idk? (and these are like the medium 7-9 in a can not even small 10-11 in a can)#and this just made my dads friend CRACK UP like it was rhe funniest thing hed seen#like my guy u grew up with nu pogodi. youve seen funnier#but whatever it was hilarious he found it so entertain how i just practically swallowed it up#hes so silly i love him#i dont think i saw him last time i went to israel cos i was only there like tue-fri like 3 nights or something#fjdjkgkfjt i miss israel so much#such a shithole but its my shithole <3 miss it so much
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the thing about creating uf while having an osemanverse main blog at the same time is that u genuinely feel like it is so obvious who u are ALL THE TIME
like i don't do a good job at hiding it. it's just that no one has decided that they wanted to look hard enough yet! at least so i think....
#anxiety with this account consists of everyone secretly just knowing who i actually am#i mean#i dont even use my real name on my main account so u still wouldn't TRULY know who i am#thats not another clue i swear#im not saying anything else#just saying that to me its obvious#but really isn't that what they all think#they all being. yknow like. when u play hangman#and u think its so obvious the whole time#but in actuality the person playing is like... wtf is this#i think its like that.#i Hope it's like that#right guys???????????????#universe friday#osemanverse#alice oseman#radio silence#universe city
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i thought the mohglester was a joke but did mohg actually mohglested his brother!!😭
#ask replies#elden ring#shitposting#bghhghgjh SORRY LOL i dont know what else to tell you anon xDDDDD 😭#alright on a serious note I go with the 'it is strongly implied' and I used this meme because-#-martins involvement is my biggest clue to go off xD#I can closer inspect the case tho if you want me to because its true that nothing in Soulsborne games-#-is absolutely stated except for like 2 random facts#I just think it is the safest thing to assume though we're not on Reddit and know that-#-occam's razor =/= the only take possible#(glaring at YOU the 'there is no proof so you can't think this' squad!)
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im in a Situation rn where i cant tell if gay shit is happening to me or if im just not used to someone wanting to spend so much time with me
#fellas is it gay to go study with someone and they invite you to lunch and they decide to drive you to look at antique records#cause i have no earthly clue#is it gay to offer to watch an old fake mermaid documentary with you and 'make it a thing'#i dont even know if it was gay for me to ask my dad to make a guitar for them#and im the one that did that#being queer is so weird cause cishets do everything so formulaic#that i dont know how to categorize any of this#looking at antique duck paintings is a gay ass thing to do ALONE#how do you even categorize that when you do it with someone else#oh also is it gay to invite someone to watch you sing randomly at like 8pm or is that just something musicians do#i dont know#help a fella out idk what to do
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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i have been lurking around online help forums answering questions for probably at least 15 years and to this day it still drives me absolutely bananas when people essentially just post "HELP! I HAVE A PROBLEM" and then refuse to provide any information or context as if you are some sort of mind-reading savant capable of inducing all the information required on the broadest problem imaginable
#motivated by someone who posted about how they cant figure out X thing#where the thing in question is that they were trying to install code they found online#but they did not say what they were trying to add or what it was or where they got#or even whether it was something that was a part of something they were writing or just a couple lines#and of course after replies from op i see oh you're installing a third-party add-on#and that add-on literally has installation instructions#so i have absolutely no clue why they are posting to a DIFFERENT website. literally asking for quote 'explain step by step'#WHEN THEY DONT SAY WHAT THEY'RE DOING#AND WHAT THEYRE DOING#ALREADY HAS STEP-BY-STEP INSTRUCTIONS#the issue that im taking isnt that this person struggled to understand how to do something. thats fine. thats why im here#it just frustrates me when people dont try to articulate what the issue is#you dont need to be RIGHT but i do need to know 1) what are you trying to do 2) what have you done to achieve (i.e. post your damn code/ref#3) what is going wrong and then just an optional 4 of context#but 1 2 3 are very important otherwise it's just playing 20 questions#and this is all assuming we've gotten past the stuff like 'is the program actually set up how you claim it is set up'#because a lot of times the problem is they misunderstood a setting which is making everything else wrong#but that's the kind of thing i can infer based having accurate information
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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refraction railway guide: this fight is EASY SNOOZEFEST you can do it in 3 turns 😎
me:
#DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THE MECHANICS OF THIS GAME GENUINELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE#I feel like an idiot#is it bc I haven’t played ruina???#like girl I don’t know what these numbers in the little skill descriptions mean#i dont know what influences which skills appear on your dashboard each turn#I really have no fucking clue#im stuck on phase 8 nothing there inquisitors if anyone has any advice#like? did I just fuck myself over last fight#bc the guide is like yeah this one’s long but not hard#im getting cooked brother
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Added another 1k to my fic and got a drawing done, I love when the random burst of inspiration strike
#im gonna ride this as long as i can#also funny thing is i took art when i was a kid for like a year or two#and then i was in art club too for another year or two#but i wasn't very good at it what so ever#like i have no clue about anything i dont know how to color nothing#BUT im fairly decent at drawing hands as long as i have a reference#why? i dont know but thats literally all i can draw i can not draw anything else#is it good art? no. but is it better than a atick figure? yeah#its hilarious honestly#virus rambling
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#cw vent#because i feel horribly bitter in a way that i haven’t been in ages – and i’ve no clue what to do about it#wish i could be normaler and like not. i don’t know i feel genuinely silly right now and this is all so unimportant in the real world#but it upsets me so horribly and i HATE that i cant talk about this with anyone else either because theyll just think me crazy#i feel like everyones betraying me and turning against me [ NOTHING is happening but it will eventually ] type thing#its nobody fault i feel this way. its not even my own fault [ i dont think ] i just dont know i despise favorites and i despise the way#i feel right now. despise the way my mood is seldom stable#despise that i am always right about the things i predict and its so horrible i just want to be a normal teenage girl#do rebellious things at the mall with my friends why do i have to do all this#hate always being left alone in the end. hate how i always have to prove myself#💭
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Replaying Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time (Because Time/Darkness are the best ones, fight me) and went with Meowth because I wanted a novel experience I've never had before and tbh? Im having a blast. Its actually bringing me around on a pokemon I never really looked twice at past the obvious representation in the Anime.
Meowth is a super adorable pokemon and so fun to think about as a PMD character/OC.
#His name is Julian and hes a sassy gay cat#I do kinda wish the personality test would gently effect the dialog#I know these games are old and thats a lot of work for the tech available at the time but still#Oh well. I can imagine him in my head#Also I never name my partner because in world it never makes any sense#No other pokemon except the MC has a name outside of what pokemon they are#I like to imagine that aside from nicknames for affectionate and derogatory reasons Pokemon dont put much stock in names culturally#I like to think its more of a recognition through smell and body language and the like.#If two of the same species are standing beside each other and someone calls “their name”#they figure out whos being spoken to through context clues#Everyone in PMD assumes the MC's name is just a fun lil nickname their partner gave them and humors them sometimes#But in my own interpretation I like to think they just act like theyre a normal pokemon and say the species name like with anyone else.#And the MC has to just take a crash course in Pokemon cultural “Language”
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ive been kinda hyunabrained lately
#sorry to the bllkheads for the alnst posting . I love vivinos#Anyways hyuna is sooo interesting to me#shes the antithesis to every other competitor. She values freedom and self love above all else#as opposed to the rest of the cast#who turn to 'loving' each other as a way of coping within the system that deprives them of such 'love'#Ofc there are aliens that might treat humans better (like shine with mizi) but#In the end love between two people cant be compared to the love one feels for their pet#The humans in alnst dont even know what love is. Not at all!#but it is a cage for them. its what makes them throw their lives away for the sake of the person they love (sua and ivan)#or you have till. whose vision of freedom is different from what it means for hyuna#he still rebels of course. but when he is given a chance to possibly escape he doesnt take it#meanwhile hyuna is the opposite!#shes already lost her brother. And while whatever happened between her and luka still very much haunts her#she doesnt share the direct obsessiveness that the others have#The reveal that her plan wasnt to rescue the contestants but to make alnst as a whole collapse is so good#And entirely sensical#Because rushing into an arena filled with enemies to save people who might not even be mentally ready to leave what theyve known#their entire lives is obviously a stupid plan that leaves them at a disadvantage#this opposes her to mizi. who did escape physically yet still doesnt think twice before rushing in to save her childhood friend#who stands in as a link to the past. to better days where she didnt have a clue about the cruelty of their world#Now shes lost that too#ok maybe ill leave it to an eventual mizipost. Back to my beautiful queen#yet despite cherishing what shes gained she still rushes in after mizi while injured!#she cares for her so much she makes an irrational decision that fucks over what remained of their plan#Which ends with her going back to the prison from which she tried to escape for good#Also her stats being so high (higher than lukas iirc?) ties so well into her role as a freedom fighter#she could have dominated alnst if she stayed#but she didnt want the cheap fame that would do nothing but make her cage look just a bit prettier#Very much off topic but the lightning in the final round made her look#Even more beautiful than usual
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genuinely tho why is finding local community so fucking inaccessible. i just want to sometimes do something mildly useful for other people but. it is impossible to find whats going on!!!
#alpaca.txt#the local newsletter thing mentions local events but ONLY ones that have happened. never whats going to happen#(the number of times ive read it and gone. i would have helped w that if i knew it was fucking happening is. several)#all the locally operating charaties i know of require Highly Specific Skills or u have ur own car (not as in u can get there reliably tho)#(like as in u are driving people around)#anything ive been able to actually find advertised somehow is Specific Age Ranges Only (retirees) or occasionally theres stuff thats#completely the other side of the city (not local and 2+hrs away by bus)#everything else is Only Advertised On Facebook. but the local facebook group wont accept people who arent v active on facebook already#and as someone who. isnt. using facebook regularly (bc i cant fuckin. access the local page to find whats on) they just. wont let me in.#cant even talk to my neighbours bc they dont like us bc my dads a dick about property boundaries#and i have no communication skills so like. i dont have a clue how to get past that??
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well im bloody glad i didnt choose to study law anyway
#might have been better off but i wouldve fucking hated it#boring technical specific fidly details and unpleasant topics#dunno why i decided to comment on this specifically i never even considered studying it and theres loads id really hate#though at this point i was thinking any of those might have been preferable to what i chose but fuck it its just for my cv and stuff#but anyway i did a bit at school as well as an elective in uni everyone else was way more into the idea of going into it whys it so popular#well high pay and makes you sound smart but do that many people find it generally enjoyable#well with the uni module i liked the argument stuff#in a way it seems nuts but also its an interesting perspective though i dont really remember#also at school we did a comparrison with france who do things way different i actually thought it made more sense cause it was more common#sense it was also like gut feeling and stuff which i suppose is not really judicial but is way more intuitive than all the#weird technicalities and hoops and weird adversarial system like i dunno myself whats effective or not it just seems so odd#like its about having an argument and its technicality and proof not whats true#though obviously proof is also important just really boring#yeah you can see my perspective on this#i do like a good argument#and the way you like twist the facts to suit your story that was fun#but sounds dodgy thoigh again ivd got no clue at all no idea dont know
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am i the only one who doesn't see purpose in the cycle of work for more work to do more work so that you can earn more work? why should i fucking try if my only reward is getting more work and maybe a "good job keep working". i am. fucking tired.
#i have no clue if im in a mood bc of . or if im actually feeling pissed off and upset right now#i hate so much that i deal with shit like this#i cant even leave my own fucking house#and they have the audacity to say that if something is pissing me off that i can just go away from it#im so tired of having work just to do more work#im fucking tired#im so fucking done with this shit#ive been at it for years it hasnt gotten any easier and they just keep going#i dont know how everyone else seems to do thsi easily and fucking. get a sense of accomplishment from it#i just finish something and feel angry#like i let them win#i am tired of acting like i dont feel things#i am so tired of being upset and being able to do nothing#i am so fucking close to snapping i swear to fucking god#and i know in the morning i'll back to the same shit as always#of thinking about how much i fucking hate my life#and being used as a box as an example of a good life#and im not saying i have a horrible life#im just tired of being told everyday that “at least you didn't have to deal with ___” or “Oh yeah?? Well ___ happened to me”#i dont even know why people want to stay my friends anymore#one of my friends said they don't knwo they'd do without me and i dunno why but it just made me really sad#i dont know what i even did for them#i seem to annoy so many of my friends all the time#i dont know what they mean by that#i dont know what im doing anymore#vent post#tw vent
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#vent post pls dont feel the need to respond or read!#FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK FUCK MY LIFE I ACTUALLY SUCK SO MUCH I LITERALLY DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I DID THAT#LIKE?????? U WOULDVE THOUGHT I LEARNT THIS BY NOW AND HET#I KEEP GOING INTO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING AND GETTING STUCK IN STUPID SITUATIONS AND THEN I LOOK BAD#and then i feel outcast and its literally my own goddamn fault#i cant even blame anyone or anything else#and now im stuck here til saturday#and everyones gonna fucking know the stupid fucking shit i did#and i never have to see these people again but i do have to see them for the next 3 days#man i had a bad fucking feeling aboht this gd project#like from the beginning#and my bosses did too#but fuck ibjust thought itd be fine#and like again it was all my fault anyways!!!!!#even my brain who tends to shirk off responsibility and try to make excuses for myself#isnt able to do it this time#every time i think 'welllll you did it bc x was happening and THAT happened bc X happened'#my brain goes 'ya but you didnt have to do THAT you literally know better????'#like thinking abiut it now hours after i have no fucking clue what i was thinking. no fucking clue.#fuck my fucking life#this is 109% lighthearted i swear do not worry about me but the only words that describe how im feeling right now#are: im gonna fucking kill myself#/j /j /j /j /j /j#i honest to god wont but that perfectly encapsules the feeling rn#vent post
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