#my god i think i am in love with this man for real

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[sicksorrows]

no punctuation just a rant of my man

i need to be dicked down by nanami so fukcing badly i don’t care how much times i say this, the love i have for this man is unbearable, i am seconds away from going insane when i see another nanami fan, like BITCH he is MINE. M I N E. I NEED THIS MAN SO FUCKING BADLY NO ONE COMPARES I CANT IM ACTUALLY GOING CRAZY AND IDC HOW MUCH TIMES I REPEAT THE THINGS I WANT TO DO TO HIM BECAUSE THIS MAN ACTUALLY IS KILLING ME IN A GOOD AND BAD WAY. I NEED HIM TO BE REAL SO BADLY I NEED NANAMI SO BADLY I WANT HIM TO PENETRATE ME TO THE POINT I NEED MOREUHHHH MOREEEE MOREEE MOREEEE I NEED THE DICK I NEED NANAMI I NEED HIS HAIR I NEED THE EYES I NEED THE GLASSES I NEED THE NOSE NGHHH THE NOSE I NEED THE EARS I NEED THE MOUTH I NEED THE TEETH I NEED THE MUSCLES I NEED THE BICEPS I NEED THE ARMS I NEED THE HANDS I NEED HIS POWER I NEED THE THIGHS I NEED THE LEGS I NEED THE ABS LIKE A WALL I NEED THE EVERYTHING AHHHHHHHH I NEED HIMMMM I NEEEDDDD HIIIMMMMMMMMM FUCKING HELL BEING ON MY PERIOD MAKES THIS WORSE THAN IT SHOULD FUCKCKKCKC I ACTUALLY HATE BEKNG A JJK GLAZER I AM SOOO ASHAMED OF IT BUT NANAMI DOESNT HWLP WHEN HES LITERALLY IN THE SHOW HOLY FUCK I NEED HIM SO FUCKING BADLY I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE I NEED HIM THE WAY I WOUDL NEVER FIND ANYONE BECAUSE MY STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH TOO FUCKING HIGH I CANT DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT IM GOING THIRTY SECONDS AWAY FROM KILLING MYSLEF I NEED NANAMI PORN I NEED NANAMI I NEED NANAMI I WANT HIM SO FUCKING BADLY SOMEONE KILL ME I NEED HIM SO BAD I ACC AM GONNA SOB ANY SECOND IF I DONT SEE HIM IM SO SERIOUS THE AFFECT THIS MAN HAS ON ME IS MAKING ME GO WILLDDDDDD I WISH HE COULD FUCK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME IN MALAYSIA TO THE POINT WE SHOW A WHOLE OTHER INCIDENT OH MY GOD I WISH I WAS THAT BLONDIE THAT GOT HIS HAIR PULLED BY NANAMI, HES SO STRONG I WOULDVE SUCKED NANAMIS DICK RIGHT THEN AND THERE AND ID THANK NANAMI IF HE PUNCHED ME AFTER THAT FUCK HE CAN DO LITERALLY ANYTHING TO ME I DONT EVEN CARE IF ITS HORRIBLE, HE CAN THROW ME ACROSS THE STREET AND FUCK ME UP I WOULD LITERALLY THANK HIM AND ASK FOR MORE I DONT KNOW WHY THIS MAN HAD TO BE IN JJK AND WHY HE EVEN HAD TO EXIST OR I WOULDNT WVEN BE LIKE THIS GOD I WISH I WISHHHH I COULD GET LAID BY HIM I LITERALLY HATE THIS SO MUCH BRO I NEED TO CRAWL INSIDE HIM AND STEAL HIS HEART KEEPING IT WITH ME FOREVER, FUCKKK I WISH I COULD EAT HIM OUT UNTIL HE DEFLATES AND IM LEFT WIRB JUST HIM AGHHHHH I NEED NANAMI I NEED NANAMI I NEED NANAMI I NEED NANAMI I NEED NANAMIIIIIII AGHHHDHDHHDH I WISH I HAD HIM I NEED HIM SO BADLY I FUCKING LOVE NANAMI I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OH MY GOD I DONT THINK WNYONE HAS AFFECTED ME THIS MUCHBMORE THAN HIM AUGHFH NANAMI KEBTO I NEED HIM SO BADLY I SWEAR TO GOF I DONT KNOW WHO OR WHERW TO TELL THIS TO BEFAUSE NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT THIS OBSESSION I HAVE ON HIM OH MY GOD THIS MAN IS MAKING ME GO WILDDDDDD NEED HIS DICK I NEED EVERYTHING I NEED HIM.

I LOVE NANAMI.

[allpiesforourown]

Hey, so sorry to be using your inbox like a fuckin confessional, but getting that dream thing off my chest literally cleared my skin and I've just got this itch that needs to be addressed so I'm taking it out on you again. Reflecting on this thought the second after I had it made me think, "Oh, I get what Shen Yuan was on about now," and so here I am, typing this shit out ig. fucking embarrassing, anyway.

So, like. I watch those gacha react videos on youtube. Like a concerning amount of those gacha react videos, man. I fuckin love them so much, even if I wouldn't admit to it under pain of death to anyone I know or love. I have a seperate youtube channel I made under a fake email that I made specifically to watch them. It's bad. I remember back when it was just me and the FF.net filter system before they added the 'Without' section at the bottom and trying to find crossover content in the LoZ tag between games. 10th circle of hell; my 13th reason. Gacha react videos in concept are heavensent for my inner child, and on the rare occasion I find one of those 'fandom react' series that are active or complete and well done, it grants me joy on par with nigh nothing else.

This being said, I understand that the main demographic for this content tends to be a handful of years younger than me. I've seen community posts on some channels mentioning their time in college, but these are few and far between in my experience. I appreciate these teen's artistry in putting these all together, because god knows I'm not, but like,,, --and I know I sound like an ass right now but bare with me-- it feels like with the conclusion of Arcane came a flood of reaction videos with no real substance. I've watched upward of what feels like thirty seperate videos --at least,-- on the show and its the same ten to twenty edits I've seen on repeat and I'm watching them by pressing the skip key and catching half the dialouge only to come out the other side tired and a little miffed. Then I feel bad, because they created something and all I did was mindlessly consume and feel entitled to complain. Ugh.

Now, Because I've been cycling through these almost cookie cutter videos for ages --I used Arcane vids as an example before because its recent and relevant, but I do have this take for a whole slew of the fandoms I watch react videos on, and I picked this addiction up in 2021 so it's been a minute-- I've begun predicting the dialouge before it's come up and projecting what I hope the author will say. If I see a video with, for example, Giyuu from kny seeing Sabito in a video, I hope to see shock, yes, but also to see him comment or think about how he hasn't seen his face in so long, you know? Just... things that aren't just "OMG!!" or making the characters eyes widen. I've found now that I seek out these videos for the slim chance that they'll provide me with the satisfaction I get from these moments of true understanding with the presented characters.

Yes, I know that there really isn't any "true" way to understand a character, and that while we are all entitled to our own interpretations of media, the insistence that mine alone is more "right" or "correct" is bullshit, but I'm not saying that my preference has to be law, only that I get a rush of happiness whenever something I like happens to pop up in a video that I was already checking out of because it failed to really,,,,wow me. This is my bias speaking, of course, but its also the reality of my situation borne from overconsumption of this genre.

But anyway, onto the main point of how this relates to svsss. I was watching a video just a minute ago --an Arcane video, big shocker I know-- where there was a line from the creator's Vander character about how he wasn't ready to see Vi so grown up, because to him she's still his little girl. I thought, "Yes!!! This!! He's a father! He's showing realistic reactions to seeing your child suddenly grown up, and while he's proud of the woman she became, he still loves her as she is in the moment!!" ....I then watched the rest of the reaction, and was left cold and disappointed in the end. I'd clicked for Viktor, got three videos of him in a twenty minute reaction when the rest was the same four edits of jinx on repeat. Love you Jinx, but holy fuck. I thought then, "God, what a waste of potential." The creator of the video had insightful dialouge, clearly a decent grasp on character interaction, and the drive to create the video in the first place, but settled for pumping out another copy of the same video they've released three times previous on the same channel.

Then I thought, "Oh, like PIDW."

I need to get a life, Tumblr user allpiesforourown. If your blog wasn't so damn entertaining, I might even go out and touch grass one day. Take responsibility, damn.

(ty for reading my rant, if you did. have a good day regardless.)

I think you watching gacha react videos for characterization might be the one and only thing more baffling than Shen Yuan reading porn for plot. Hope you find gacha videos of Vander teaching his daughter how to ride a bike

[misshunterskye]

merging of worlds ... chapter three: been missin' you. ( ft. sylus. )

word count: 1.4k

content: sylus finally kisses skye, plot development, i'm very much taking the plot into my own hands, slight medical talk, no beta, uhhhh i think that's it for now <3

note: hi guys, eevee here! chapter three is here. as the above says, i pretty much am making shit up as I go from now on, but i'm still trying to keep sylus in character somewhat lol

plot summary: skye plays love and deepspace on her phone, much like the rest of us — when one day, her job as a journalist collides with her favorite video game. a wanderer in broad daylight in her world [ earth, 2024 ]

buy me a ko-fi 🫶🏻 read on ao3 - click here to show interest in another version.

now playing: us. by gracie abrams. ft. taylor swift.

To say Sylus was happy to have my attention back would be an understatement. “That man is in love with you,” he pointed out flatly, not even giving me time to respond to his first question. I arched an eyebrow at him before giving a loud laugh.

“Sylus, Camden is not even a little bit interested in me. In fact, you have it backwards. I used to have a crush on him,” I said while shaking my head. The idea of me having a crush on Camden didn’t sit right with Sylus. His eyes darkened into a crimson.  It was enough to make me need a sip of water. (And a new pair of panties, but only due to how damp the smoldering look had made me between the legs.) I found myself leaning over to grab my water bottle, and took a huge sip.

“ Mhm . You do know I used the word soulmate earlier, right, kitten? And you’re really just admitting to me that you had a crush on that boy ?” The word boy is said with utter contempt. 

However, that’s not the word that got me. It’s the word soulmate . The water flew out of my mouth and all over the table, my shirt, and my face.

A chuckle fell from his lips at that, and he stood. “That was cute,” he remarked. His white hair is falling into his face with every little chuckle he gives at my now wet shirt and face. “But you don’t need to pretend like you don’t feel it, Skye.”

He was right. There was no need to pretend. Just the way he said my name evoked strong emotions by itself. It was like everything about him was saying, I’m safe. I’ll keep you safe. It’s even in his eyes. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but he took in everything I did. Every movement, no matter how small, was tracked by him. Every facial detail. Even if I didn’t realize. Like he was attuned to me.

“B-But Harley,” I finally said, trying to push away the fact that someone like him could want me. No, not even that, be attached to me. Attracted to me. I didn’t fit society’s standards of woman. I was chubbier than most people liked, and my features felt kind of… plain.

Sylus was powerful, strong -- a dragon. I was a news producer who survived off of caffeine and spite most days. Even if he was here right now, if he was real… he would find someone better. He just would. Someone who could hold their own.

“Harley isn’t real. You are,” is all Sylus said -- his voice, a demand to look at him. The second I do, he lets go of his self control. His hand comes up to cup my face again, but it’s also angling it upward. His lips crashed against mine, and then ---

Oh, God, he was kissing me.

I couldn’t pull away if I wanted to. Something about the kiss felt like coming home. His lips were soft but dominating. It was as if he knew I was less-experienced, and he was guiding me where he needed me to be. His other hand found my hip, pushing me back until I hit the wall of my apartment. 

But the kiss still didn’t break. It was like he was making up for lost time. His tongue pushed at the seam of my mouth, and the second my mouth opened for him, he pushed through. He explored my mouth to his heart’s desire. There was no fighting his tongue with my own, either. It was like he wanted to devour me, like he wanted nothing short of everything. Finally, with a gasp, I pulled away, my head falling back against the wall. 

He chuckles into my neck. He was still hulking over me, his mouth ghosting over my neck. It almost seemed like now that he’s broken the barrier of touch, he couldn’t make himself stop. And there was something about Sylus that made me turn off all rational thought. I couldn’t make him stop… because I didn’t want him to.

His voice reverberates around the base of my throat. “Tell me to stop if you need to I just ---”

There was a deep breath from him before I realized - he was breathing me in. 

“I just missed you.”

I couldn’t bring myself to move. Instead, my hand moved to cradle the back of his head. Just like I’d always wanted to do, but was limited by a phone screen. He seemed to like that, his mouth pressing a singular kiss to the base of my throat before pulling away. “But I don’t want to overwhelm you. And I fear that’s what will happen if I do anything else, kitten.” He took a deep breath then. “This is the closest I’ve been to you in so long. I nearly lost myself.”

I blinked a few times. He looked genuinely happier since being in my embrace. It was nothing I’d ever experienced. At least, not in this lifetime. I took a deep breath.

“Thank you,” I murmured to him. “...You gave up a lot for me, didn’t you?” That question comes out softly, almost as if I’m afraid of the answer. 

There was a chuckle, then he shook his head. “Nothing I wouldn’t give up again. -- But right now, we need to discuss much bigger problems.”

Just as he said that, my phone started to ring again. It’s Clarity. My brows furrowed, and I sent her to voicemail. I had bigger fish to fry than to answer a work question.

And then, with striking clarity, I remembered what exactly it was I did for a living (because, yes, that was the day I was having) and I went to my other notifications quickly.

The first headline made my blood turn cold. 6 dead in attack from unknown creature in Spring Bay, officials say. Sylus was already peering over my shoulder as I skimmed through the article. This must be what Clarity was trying to tell me about. 

“...Is this my fault? Did I call them here somehow?” 

Sylus didn’t answer me right away. Instead, he snapped his fingers, and in a burst of black and red smoke, a mechanical crow appeared. “Mephisto!” I cried out happily. I instantly got giddy at the sight of that adorable fucking robot bird. 

“...He makes you this happy?” Sylus said with surprise. 

I shot Sylus a mock glare. “I’d guard this bird with my life.”

He didn’t want me to see it, but he smiled at that before turning to the bird with a stern look. “Tell Luke and Kieran about the incident in the Spring Bay. Make sure they look for any protocores it may have dropped. I need to know why they’re leaving the game to come after Zorra.”

“So I didn’t call them?” I exclaimed. “You think they are after me?”

“Someone usually is,” Sylus muttered under his breath. 

“Hey!” I said defensively. I didn't even know what he’s referring to from my past lives, and the comment still annoyed me. 

“Aether cores are real things. That’s the first thing you need to know,” he said, cutting off the banter. “It’s not exactly like the game portrays it, but it’s real. -- I’d bet money that if I looked at your medical chart, I’d see a history of heart problems, wouldn’t I, sweetie?”

My mouth dropped open slightly. He wasn’t wrong. Part of the reason I connected with the main character in Love and Deepspace was because she was being treated for heart issues. I’d had them when I was younger.

“I was born with a hole in my heart,” I said, still sounding a little defensive. Sylus gave an amused huff at me. “But it’s healed. It doesn’t bother me anymore.”

As if the universe was trying to prove me wrong, a sudden sharp pain starts behind my breasts. I gasped as the pain runs through me. Sylus stepped forward, a hand on my arm as he looked at me with concern.

“Skye?”

“A-ugh!” My chest. This was the first time it’s ever hurt like this. It hurt so bad that I found myself falling backwards against his hard chest. He caught me easily, but the edges of my vision were getting fuzzier and fuzzier.

Just as I lost consciousness, I heard two voices come through on Sylus’ watch. “Wanderers are heading your way, boss! And they’re coming fast!”

[rivrsong]

!!!

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[moongothic]

The worst part about trying to figure out what Crocodile's deal is that because he's so fucking irredeemably evil in Alabasta... Like... Yeah he's just irredeemably evil. Like I love him but he did cause countless casualties, a ton of pain and suffering and literally attempted to blow up a million people

Like no amount of theoretical "trying to do it to save his son from the Government" or "trying to stop the Government from hurting anyone else" or just "doing it for the greater good" is going to make him any less of a mass murderer

But also Robin absolutely 100% helped with all of that shit simply because she wanted to read the Poneglyph for herself.

No amount of her intending to betray Crocodile from the begining and sabotaging his plans erases the fact that Robin also caused countless people to starve to death and die in the civil war. Her sabotages only succeeded out of sheer luck, and only spared the lives of the people at the final battle. She has the blood of countless innocents on her hands. Because she wanted to read history.

But her crimes were swept under the rug because she has a sad backstory and her sabotages worked out just at the nick of time by sheer dumb luck

So Croc??? Just??? Is there a chance??? At all???

But also he did literally intend to sell Buggy into slavery

Like, fuck Buggy, but jesus

What's also killing me is that we like. Don't know what Luffy thinks of Crocodile right now. Which really is like. The thing that will decide how we, as the readers, are supposed to feel about Crocodile. Luffy is our POV

Like we don't know what Luffy's opinion of Crocodile is after he helped save Luffy (and spared Ace once) during the Summit War. Like Luffy clearly fucking hated the man in Impel Down and the two interactions they had during the War weren't like positive (in the sense that Luffy himself didn't think of the interactions as particularly positive. Defending Whitebeard from being attacked once and then being like "wait what HIM?!" when Crocodile defended Ace. To be fair, in the midst of the chaos, there wasn't much time to spend on Pondering On Such Things because Ace needed to be saved, and Oda goes out of his way to not show us what's going on inside Luffy's head, because it's all meant to be out in the open anyways. Regardless, these weren't like "yay it's Crocodile! :)" moments for Luffy is what I mean)

But also Luffy was very grateful of Law for saving his life and was willing to put his trust into Law for their alliance- of course, they weren't explicitly enemies to begin with, rivals at most, but still. Luffy respects those who help him.

But also Luffy grew during the timeskip. Like he's not that clueless anymore (like he finally understands Hancock is in love with him etc), and similarly Luffy gets that Buggy is an absolute loser now. But also Buggy did also help save Luffy's life (even if it was by accident), and while IDK if Luffy is aware of that, I don't think that helped improve Luffy's impression of Buggy

So like. The fuck does Luffy think of Crocodile, at this moment? Even with the Cross Guild reveal, he didn't even really comment on Croc and just focused his energy on being confused about Buggy being "the leader" of CG. IDK it feels almost intentional or something, that we don't know what Luffy thinks?? Especially since we did get Zoro's opinion on Mihawk in the situation?? Or am I delulu?? (Sidenote. I'd love to know what Robin would have to say about Crocodile helping save Luffy's life. What Jinbei might think of the final words Crocodile left him with before blasting them out of Akainu's reach. But mainly just Robin's thoughts)

Like IDK my best guess would be that Luffy still hates Crocodile just the same but is like grossed out by technically owing him one??? In the classic

-kinda way, you know? And that he'd be just kinda confused about it?

Because I can't fucking imagine Luffy being like "oh we're cool now" with Crocodile, let alone "Yay Crocodile :) He saved my life!". But also like. Luffy does kind of owe Croc one. Kind of. And Luffy is usually very respectful of that kind of thing. Aaaaaaaa???

(Also does. Does Luffy even know it was Crocodile who yeeted him and Jinbei out of Akainu's reach to begin with. 'Cause he was unconcious. Knocked the fuck out. Does. Does Luffy even know. Did anybody tell him???)

I just.

There's the reasonable part of me that knows Crocodile is an irredeemable evil dickbag and everything he has ever said and done up to the most recent chapters support that. He is too far gone.

And then there's the absolutely delulu part that loves a tragic villian who gets a heartwrenching redemption that's looking for any fucking sign that could indicate Crocodile could maybe be one

[fire-in-my-woods]

❗️LIFE IS STRANGE: DOUBLE EXPOSURE SPOILERS❗️

Okay so when are we all gonna talk about Safi cradling Max's face while she asks her if she'll wait for her

[joethehoeee]

I am still alive and I brought you all a gift because it took me so long to post. (That definitely didn’t take long)

So this sound trends on tiktok and I immediately thought of those two. My brain just couldn’t bare the thought that they might never be drawn/edited like that...

but then I realized, I can draw...I HAVE THE POWER!

So I took it in my own hands.

Have fun with this, It might take a while until I am back...tho I do try to be more active. But for now, enjoy the love (and a bit of angst/past trauma.)

Pretty obvious what I was trying to do, right?

It's kind of the fact that Barbara will always have this trauma, this pain that he caused. Even tho she can infact learn to love him again, there will always be this ever so small fear of getting hurt like he did before. She forgave him but she dosen't fully trusts him, at least not yet.

Also Walter reaches after her in his troll form but slowly stops in his human form. He let's her go, he let's the past go, his old self. He realizes that trying to appear more like human self is not the way and that she will only let him in if he is himself. If he is what he was forced and lived to become. A Changeling, tho not a Monster anymore.

I did try to include my headcanon Design for post-Eternal night. Obviously Barb is a little over the top (it's more a outfit for dates) and a new coat for Walter. I would say this takes place like 3-6 weeks after they defeated Morgana, so Walter dosen't really tried to ✨️express✨️ himself fully with his clothing...and i wanted to draw him in his old Design but also in MY and little new style so yeah. NO human clothes for my man. He has no shame, walking around half naked.🤭

Also small headcanon, Barbara likes him better with longer hair and his new style (mixing human/troll together). It makes him look and ferl like a new person and makes it easier for her bc she can see his true self, wich is a bit of both his forms. It's a reminder that not everything he said was a lie.

Do you all know this "She fell first, he fell harder"? Well I firmly believe it's them. Although Walter probably fell first AND harder.

[crow-caller]

good angel turns 7 goddamn years old on the 22nd I'm going to lose my head. did you know bad end is 6.5 years old. Did you know Angel radio is 8.5. Did you know I'm 27. did you know time continues ceaselessly forward and so do i

[lululeighsworld]

Lorah: Lilac Knight's Love

Artist: @littledashdraws

Wanted to share this commission by Dash, who so lovingly illustrated my vision for Gunter's first wife!! Although Lorah's lived in my head since 2017, this is the first time I've had her drawn. Because I'm so thrilled over this art, I put together a little introduction for her!! you can read more about her below~

Residence: Duet Mountains Occupation: Farmer •❀• Bedside Nurse •❀• Homemaker Birthday: July 11 Gender: Female Relatives: Gunter (Husband) Katerina (Daughter)* Personality: Shy •❀• Bubbly •❀• Optimistic Hobbies: Crafting •❀• Gardening •❀• Baking Age: 21 (when she first meets Gunter) •❀• 36 (at death)

A Nohrian commoner whose known the kingdom's southern mountain range and neighbouring valleys her entire life, Lorah was a recognizable resident of her town even though she kept to herself. Learning the basics of herbal remedies from a young age, she would split her time between tending to the fields and easing the woes of the sick. In adulthood, she would chance upon meeting a Nohrian Great Knight during her town's annual spring festival. The couple's engagement, after seven years of courting, had become one of the most highly anticipated moments amongst the townsfolk.

*NOT the Nohrian Queen. I named their kid before I realized what Xander's mom's name was and by that point I was already ATTACHED (tell me Caterpillar is not the cutest nickname). So now the reason they share a name is lore relevant (which is a part of this fic!).

divider by saradika

[bosspigeon]

when i was a 15 year old egg i discovered the game Dragon Age: Origins bc a high school friend (a true cishet ally) told me about a video game in which you could be gay

i grew up poor and in the conservative south, so i had no game consoles other than nintendo ones, and every computer i had access to was a "Family Computer" that was in a heavily trafficked room that i had to share with everyone in the house. on top of that, if i asked for video games, my stepmom (number 3) would be upset at me for not asking for something more "mature" (read: feminine)

i didn't get to actually play the game until i was 18

that didn't stop me from watching all the gameplay videos i could find, from furiously trawling the wiki for content, and hunting down all the romance scenes with one specific character while constantly looking over my shoulder for my grandparents or siblings, because i didn't want anyone to see me watching no just Awkwardly Animated "Sex" Scenes Set To Weird Music, but Gay Awkwardly Animated "Sex" Scenes Set To Weird Music

that character was, of course, Zevran Arainai, and years before i was able to play the game and "meet" him myself, i kept the tab for his romance wiki page open in the browser in my computer class, on the desktop in my grandparents' den, peruse it in the dark of the night on the tiny screen of my shitty little 2009 slide phone

by the time i could actually play the game, i knew every decision i'd make, and i could run through Zevran's romance from start to finish with my eyes closed.

And now, once again, I sit here, furiously obsessing over a pretty fictional elf rogue, gnashing my teeth and chewing at the bars of my prison (no gaming pc or console) and furtively watching gameplay and romance videos and trawling his yet-incomplete wiki page in all my spare moments, even when i shouldn't be (at work) and maniacally plotting out how i will handle his romance when a fickle god finally grants me the means to make a little pixel man to kiss his stupid, smug little pixel face

time is a flat circle

[yourworldiseternallycomplete]

literally fuck!!!

[the-spoingus-show]

my current project: jump forever!

this is the first of those scheduled posts i mentioned earlier!!! i figured i would start by talking about my current project - that way i can start posting updates about it without confusing you, Michael. The next post is gonna be about the beginning of this whole Godot thing i've been on, and then i'm thinking about maybe doing a Before Godot post as a bonus once i've talked about all my godot stuff (i love saying this as if anybody cares (besides you, Michael)). setting all that aside, though: this one's gonna need some backstory, so you should buckle in.

around this time last year, me and my little cousin (he's still in high school, but we've always been pretty close) got really competitive about a little game called Jump Forever. it's a side minigame from WarioWare Mega Microgames (the GBA one) where you just jump over a little rope until you fuck up. it's really fucking fun as an addictive little mobile game, and with a quick lil emulator it was one. thus, the addiction began.

truth be told, the phase last year didn't even last that long, but i had a long bus ride a couple of weeks ago and found myself opening the GBA emulator on my phone to pass the time. that led to a little bit of playing at home, which led to beating my cousin's score, which led to getting even more into the game than i was before. as our scores get higher, we've turned to better controllers than a phone touch screen for serious record attempts - i use a ds lite i had lying around (that i reshelled! it was very fun) and he emulates on pc with a controller (i think). this got me thinking about a potential "definitive edition" of the game - probably still on mobile, but with controller support, better touch controls (the game only needs <-, ->, and A!), faster resets, selectable skins, and maybe even unlockable skins? of course, when i finished my work on fnaf (ooh foreshadowing), my sights were immediately set on a Jump Forever remake.

with all that said, welcome to the game as it currently stands! at the moment, i've got wario, the rope swingers, and the score all just about set up, with one exception; the characters have collision, the rope swings (at varying speeds, even!), and wario's speed and physics feel very accurate - but i'm still working on the ai (if you can call it that) of the rope guys as they walk back and forth. i want it to work exactly the same way as it does in the original but i always overthink random mechanics like this. hopefully the next update i give will be about how i cracked it! even if the implementation ends up jank, though, it wouldn't be the first: the rope guys check if wario is too close to them to make it over the rope with an Area2D that just checks for wario when the rope hits the ground. it works! i could just like check wario's position in the code (and it'd probably be way more efficient), but this way just... works.

i still have a buncha crap i still gotta implement before the game's even really playable - the walking ai, the title screen, the little "Ready?" animation, etc. - but that's only the beginning of my work. firstly, i'm probably gonna enlist chloe (oooh foreshadowing) to help me out by drawing some new assets (if she's free, it is finals season), and then changing the game's native resolution from 240x160 (the GBA screen) to something not fucking insane. i've got "reworking all the sprites into easy to read spritesheets" on my to-do list, and after that, making the new assets (and then maybe the skins?) will be as easy as drag & drop. once it's got the new assets and all the polish that needs to come with a shiny new resolution, i'm gonna transition into the next phase - researching how to release a game!!!

[hi, not to ruin my own amazing transition but: it's 5am and i'm running back to edit this because i completely forgot to mention that i have currently implemented a 2 frame input delay on all inputs, because that's how the emulator appears to behave when i go frame by frame. every single day i rethink this decision more and more. surely there's no way that's how it's supposed to be, right? but i feel so weird changing it now!!! i definitely fucking have to though. next time i work on it. ok anyways]

now. i've posted games to itch.io before. but even then, i kind of fucked it up (i could never get the resolution of my web games to work right???) - so it's no surprise i've always been completely daunted by the idea of "releasing a game". when you post it on real stores, that's when it becomes... real. i'm excited about the new challenges it'll pose, though! now, a mobile release means a couple of things - bite sized fun, simple progression, and fun customization. i've already got the first part nailed down, and i figured i could nail the other 2 at once with a currency system based on how many points you get (or maybe even an xp system? that goes up 1 for each jump? maybe even both???) and skins (purchasable with said currency) that let you customize the player, rope swingers, background, and maybe even the rope itself.

pictured above is my stupid ass skins mockup (i literally just made this). the rope is rainbow, the background has a snow effect and a bunch of snow on the trees/ground (isn't it great?), wario is a lil version of the rope guys, and the rope guys have santa hats. i'm not sure how many different ropes you could really make with how i'm planning the rope to move, so i'll probably end up prototyping the graphics with chloe to figure out how to lay out the sprite sheets, and if they should actually have a seperate hand-grabbing-the-rope sprite for skin purposes. it'll definitely make things really confusing, but if i go for a mobile release i don't want to run ads, and so a currency you can buy with real money (and maybe one or two goofy supporter skins that cost real money, like a solid gold guy or something, as a form of donation) is a good way to make a lil bit of money from people who like the game.

all of this is fun to think about, but it's important to remember that the next thing i have to do is that walking ai. i've gotta Make The Fucking Game before i can do all this crazy other bullshit. i'm sure the ui design for all this is gonna be soooo fun, but i need a game to attach it to first :p

this went on reeeally long but i figure if this is a dev diary or w/e it's gonna end up running long no matter what, and the more info, the more i have to look back on fondly and say "oh shit, i know exactly when this was!", which is kind of the end goal of the project. of course, these incredibly long posts about shit that only matters to me are also incredible content for you, Michael, so i'm sure you're just eating this shit up. enjoy, you weird little man.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

what if i said i ship sky and viktor

[sparrownnax]

anyways sometimes i wonder if i'm meant to be connected with people. don't get me wrong i appreciate my friends, but like my quality of life wouldn't go down too much if i hadn't met them. i like digging information out of people. they lose a lot of appeal once i know too much about them. i don't really have any kind of interest in pursuing any kind of relationship with people, romantic or platonic. i could take people or leave them. dunno