#my german half is really showing in my editing this year huh

[moonxreverie]

Elisabeth & Franz | Sailor Song

I don't believe in god, but I believe that you're my savior

[antispiralz]

Tatort Zürich - Fährmann (liveblogging)

I fully didn't realise Lucas was the main baddie? (going by the trailer they showed just before it) Boat! Lucas!!! Hgbshahsh gloves He is so bond!villain coded And I love it God!!!! He looks so good Also hi creppy ferry man Christmas!!! D‘awww 'wiehnachtsfee' Ott is a lil grinch Oh wow filming at the opera place xmas market? It is pretty there but also so tight lol DuffiufudfjuruejekddLUCASDSS Helpppp ALSO HE WAS IN ZURICH???? Well like a year or two ago but Eexcuse me???? Lucaaaaaaadsssss 'ICH HAB KEINE ZEIT FÜR KORREKTES SOZIALVERHALTEN, NICHT MEHR ' dkskslfkfkfkksks holy fuck lucas And isabelle baby (Okay charcater name is marek. Maybe i‘ll use it instead of lucas. Probably not) Fjfkgjaösöfj God lucas I AM SCREAAAAAMINGGGGGGG Eurugjfudufuiwiqisoeoholy shitt????????? Fkfkdla what about…. The other guy??? (edit: milan. I constatly forget everyone's name except noah) Uedkdkkskqkslsld DAMN?! go get it girl Djfkdlalsls holy shit lucas Oh wait the chef has a wife?? 😂 forgot abt that Christ isabelle God, the chillsss ‚En guete negroooni‘ xD ;-; ‚reste calme‘ AAAHHHHHHHHHHHDLDLSKSKSKS Staatsahwältin. In the shiny ass dress Love it‚ 'Na eis lied vo dem chinderchor und ich leg mich zu ihne (leiche)‘ Lmao Hiii uniforms Milan baby Good boy </3 The prevelance of smoking is so hilarious to me Luuuuuuuuuucas ah he is actually suffering? noah!!!!! Ott and grandjean are fiiiiiighting Noaah :c still no one cares about his infos :( I'd listen to you yap His little apple? mug?? Adorable ‚Alpha und omega‘ 👀 God lucas God he‘s a good villain A mess of a cop, great villain xD Love how she just fucks off skg? It that general knowledge what business they do? Orrr is it a fake business? xD bank? am I dumb xD Christ lucas ‚Fahre nach hause‘ well she didn‘t lie I guess… quick trip through switzerland Wooffff Jesus fucking christ lucas. Imm dying He and his brain tumor against the world Would be fun to know if he actually understands swiss german Awww frenchie police lady likes isabelle as role model Isabelle took the coin?? God you really don‘t like team work huh xD WOW. Another tatort zurich with suicide (mention) We truly cannot get away from it Bahhaha ‚für 20 jahr hettetds sich au mal öppis neus chöne überlege‘ (als treuheitsgschenk) ‚Da het aber öpper gschmack‘ (wegem mantel) Bahahhaha ‚fashionista‘. I love her (I also cannot remember the staatsahwältins name for the life of me) Slsllslsksjsjshjs God the shot with ott and lucas passing behind her!!! Christ, ott is just such a horrible friend That guy needs a better buddy than her Grandjean gets to wreck shit again What the fuck is that outfit ott. Grey jeans shirt with a pinstripe blazer?! What the FUCK is staatsajwältin wearing as her bottoms? So wide and patterned and not fitting the tie Dkdlflskaöskfksksk I like that banker choosing to speak high german Cause the ‚nie‘ was very swiss Lucas is so good Sheesh Djdkksksk BAHAHHAHHAAHHHAAA NOAH WITH THE SHEESH LIKE FIFE SECONDS LATER I love you Lmao schribfehler für ‚singel‘. Good work guys, perfect paperwork ‚globalisierti wirtschaft, globalisierti serietäter‘ great line lol Milan with the holiday appropriate voice message xD Charlie… you deserve so much better…. Yeah, thank you. Talking to that with Marek???? What‘s wrong with you isabelle. Also the ‚who knows‘ love it Bahahaha ‚ich hab mich manipulieren lassen‘. Baby girl. I don‘t know how to tell you this…….. Boy you are not well ‚Du darfst diesen fall nicht aufgeben‘ aka love me love me love me Hump her leg already my guy Aww lights our for lucy (the christmas lights that have a name for reasons) sakldjadsdlk Aaaaah burkhalter vom landesmuseum BAHAHA I KNEWWWW IT WAS THAT GUY!!!!!!! The ‚i finger banged ott on the dance floor‘ guy 😂 Dlflfkfjfjdlalsls Bahaha the hair tuck!!!! Help I‘m dying Noah like 'jfc guys keep it in your pants'. you don't even know half the story my guy

My baby boy ;-; Bahahahahza isabelle going full cork board red string. But instead a whole wall. Overachiever I love how marek just loiters around that bank?? Awww ott and her french <3 same buddy Aber c‘est urgent wär noch gegangen xD Bahahha noah and his headphones and singing along They close in 10 minutes and let her have the huge ass folder? You‘re getting nowhere with tht in that time Aus zürisch xD Serge picard, sup buddy ‚Zu hundert pro gframt worde‘ love it Lucasssss Admiring the work SHE‘S DOING THIS IN THE RESTAURANT?!? Milan, you also deserve better friends Uff don‘t take a drink from him ;-; Isabelle ;-; Goood lucas Hi hello I feel like I can‘t breathe, kudos Ott ;-; Lmao the powerwalk towards the light The hospital ;-; djfkgjfkfjfkfkfjfjfk And face touching My bbys Does he still have her gun? TESSA!!!!!!! Babies D‘awww und ott mitm ‚hesch du mich grad duzt’ xD Bahahahhaah I love how shocked they both were at differents parts of the ‚we fucked‘ conversation What the fuck tessa What is that jacket Aww noah with xmas sweater The fashion choices in zurich are so strange. What is that necklace over tie from staatsahwältin

Love her high german Skfkfkdka i love her Godecki is pronounced godetzki? Skylfkkfkf SEK <3333 ‚Ich stürm jetzt denn grad en grossbank, geil oder‘ tessa bby ….you‘re gonna die together? Yeah wait the guy forgot that he never drinks huh Flglfldla god lucas Hot af unfortunately He did drink it Christ Aww singing christmas tree shown Oh she could have been fired? Oh yeah wait she stole evidence lol Power move against power move Ach charlie. You need better friends ;-; OoooOOOH. He gave his coin to her… Bahahahahahahaha isabelle. Fucking rude Here‘s useless money. (Just assuming he‘s gonna pawn it??) I liked that episode. Because lucas is fucking chef's kiss. Not like that weirdo from the twin murder one xD

[semi-imaginary-place]

ffxiv 5.1-2

you can see sqnx is rolling in shb money. honestly i was fine with arr's lack of animations, voiceacting, and cutscenes. im a ps2 player reading doesn't bother me. i wish xiv was like fe3h where if you cutoff a dialogue line the voice line keeps going until the next is started. dungeons are really getting harder... do i risk dps and dying or tank. remember the days when yashtola was a conjurer and both twins arcanist. soo french elves german voeburt? i need those clawed shoes for my bunny. you sure that's a nu mou? they have tentacle hands and a different face. ah a glamour. they sound like a ten year old boy. beq lugg's a soul mage.... ah voeburt...

like a primal?

i don't remember what was the excuse they gave for why the pc can freely travel between worlds.

i don't think the light visual effect was the right one to use here. hmm the seperation of mind and boy. tempering was described as a filter or barrier between the mind and reality or something. the stagnation was from light aether. i remember early in 5.0 the writers went for quite a while describing how light was stagnant and dark vivacious.

welp i'm locked out of editing my draft. damn you tumblr.

anyways hadn't kal-shir moved to the crystarium also why didn't you ask her what's wrong.

here's the thing they established that upon buying their way into free citizenship they gave up all worldly possession to eulmore/vauthy. so all their private businesses's ownership was transferred to the State. unless vauthy sold them they should still be owner by eulmore. idk if vauthy kept them running or now just owns the trademark and stuff. also why not just make this wrenden mayor. i don't think making the parlor the seat of governance is a good idea. just convert vauthy's room to office space

they really are turning it into las vegas. which i mean the strip is a tax haven but nevada is doing pretty well, implemented some good policies recently. if it's advertising, could do traveling shows and pop up bars. bro you're getting paid in company credits don't do it ask for gil.

it was a whole plot point with moenbryda that white auracite can't store aether it just dissipates it quickly

i don't remember what a soul crystal is. but uh hey anyone remember job stones those picked up bits of memory and personality,

so zenos can use aether now. dude you're a dragoon break a window

look i have dps brain. killing the boss is mitigation. i was i suppose the know the adds explode and wipe me. also where's my easy mode

an echo with out the hydaelyn. hmmm. zenos probably got the battle echo.

im only half listening to voiced lines but he does mention aymeric by name here

wow they're really dangling the plot thread teasers

ffxiv 5.2

ew. the gaius redemption arc.

oh wouldn't that be fun in this game actually forced the player character to choose between the scions and the threat of the garleans. shame that's not going to happen.

oh yeah the ardbert look alike plot thread.

ojii-chan!!!

timeline lore! g'raha arrived after everyone hated the wols, after the flood? pr campaign go! this ties in pretty well with cyella's quest. i do think the player character could use their time better like hello the ultima weapons and garlemald and war and scions, but ffxiv in general has a priorities problem (i remember the arr titan questline), and there's no one the crystarium loves more than the wod and crystal exarch. disturbing really how much influence these two people have. i hope there's a scribe present recording everything the pc is saying. im a bit iffy on the ethics too that 2 people (as moral as they actually are as we know out of universe) should be able to dictate history and opinion. should we be able to do this just because we personally like ardbert and have a personal connection with him. the fact that we're doing this not for truth's sake but because woe ardbert doesn't deserve a bad reputation rubs me the wrong way

huh he's acting like 3.x ardbert. interesting. uh wasn't warrior of light like specifically for hydaelyn's chosen. wow the pc HATES new arbert. i wonder why they are so convinced he's not ardbert initially when there is 0 evidence. like new ardbert walk into the room and pc immediately starts death glaring at them. i actually think it'd be more interesting if the devs had left it ambiguous as to whether that was actually ardbert or not instead of immediately telling the audience he's fake. because a lot of players really liked ardbert and dearly wanted him to come back. and i mean the new writers did bring back gaius, dragoon boy estinien. and fake ardbert acts so much like 3.x ardbert the devs could have made it ambiguous whether he had memory loss or not. string the player on a little have a couple heart to hearts hahaha. uri always refers to the paragons by full title, he's so stuffy and proper in japanese (unlike eng uri who's a theatre kid). it's never Elidibus like in eng it's always Ascian Elidibus, never Lahabrea it's always Ascian Lahabrea.

wol and mean wod different things. warrior of light refers to hydaelyn's chosen, possibly tempered, with the blessing of light, and echo. warrior of darkness meanwhile refers to the person to returned night to novrant no metaphysical implications or affiliation with zodiark. so it's real weird to hear the scions equating the two.

back to the bunnies! that statue's totally going to come to life and attack us. yup

wow the pc hates new ardbert so much "extend a friendly fist". the new writers crying and shaking and sweating and tearing their hair out over how to retcon the old writers saying that elidibus sought to balance light and dark because let's be real the old writers said that and probably didn't have a plan.

the elidibus writers definitely changed. warring triad and 3.x vs 5.x you can tell the writers were writing him for different goals different types of characters.

my, aren't we quick to believe one side of the story. the writers clearly are framing a good guy bad guy situation but if this were real and you look objectively at the situation there's isn;t enough information to be making drastic decisions like attacking the benthos.

that's a little infantizing. the fish people are allowed to make bad decisions.

yeah why didn't we try the boat to begin with

why do we need bismark again. oh it's also buried underwater. could have just sent wol and alisaie instead of destroying another ecosystem

anamnesis anyder. surprisingly intact for 10000 years under the sea or something. unless the ondo have been refurbishing it. like the lights are even on. see originally bosses disappeared into purple wisps because they were ascian aether summons or something but even after that stopped being a plot point they kept the bosses poofing mostly, like there should totally be a corpse there that was a normal person/ondo why'd she go poof into dark aether. huh so that's a a female ondo/sahagin look like (ignoring that they gave the fish tits)

praxis. you help people by helping people. if you leave who's going to help the people of the crystarium and lakeland. who's going to protect the roads and keep the city functioning. what was that you do more by plants native plants in you garden then you do chasing some grade world saving dream. are the devs retconning the echo and hydaelyn connection and separating the two. i like this actually framed as a misconception. what is eli up to. trying to awaken the echo in more people? why didn't any of the scions get the echo if so many in that crowd did. (real reason plot breaking need to keep the pc special). the custom animations for ardbert's face. how did the pc awaken the echo i don't remember. or did we start in the hydaelyn cutscene. hmm what about 1.0 player characters. those two would honestly probably do more good staying in the guard adventuring seems to be a mix of oddjobs and mercenary work you aren't going to be heroes saving people it's a job like what if a crime lord hires you as a bodyguard against assassins.

if zenos didn't implant an artificial echo, maybe he could have awakened it naturally, should have gone to more meteor showers smh. but doesnt he hear hydaelyn's voice? could he be one of the few echoes not tied to hydaelyn?

also yeah i got spoiled on cystal mommy. the internet is is the internet. also asahi is malding from beyond the grave.

[monotonous-minutia]

top 10 favorite new-to-you operas of 2020 and top 10 favorite overall opera productions (which can be ones you’ve watched before 2020) of 2020, as well as why! (take all the time and space you need to answer this one)

thanks!! :)

top 10 favorite new-to-me operas (tried to remember the order in which I first watched them, but I could be wrong): La fille du régiment Just a really fun, humorous, adorable opera with a great cast of lovable characters and some really slappy tunes. Les Huguenots This one went onto my list of top favorite operas almost immediately. Another cast of amazing characters (aside from the really despicable villain), especially some lovely leading ladies; adorable trouser role who gets two (preferably) arias; some really gorgeous music; and an absolutely devastating tragic ending that's so powerful and meaningful. Idomeneo The ladies are fighting over the mezzo; Idamante is one of the cutest and purest opera characters EVER; incorporates Greek Mythology which is one of my favorite things; great cast of characters (though Idomeneo himself still drives me crazy); very sapphic; lovely relationship between the main couple (kinda enemies-to-friends-to-lovers); and again some really great music La clemenza di Tito TWO mezzo bois; very VERY gay on all levels; angst with a happy ending (though depending on the production the ending can be more ambiguous than happy); entire cast of Disaster Bis; one of the smartest sopranos in the world (Servilia); lovely portrayals of loyalty and friendship; and, of course, some AMAZING music. Cendrillon Mezzo love. That's pretty much all I need to say. But also it's got a lot of my favorite things: the libretto is super poetic and beautiful; the music is absolutely fantastic at evoking the fairy tale feel, especially in the scene in the forest; wonderful lovable characters; and simply ethereal music and singing for the leading ladies. Chérubin it's the adventures of our dear Cherubino, what more could I want? How can I not love an opera that's all about this wonderful disaster child? It's so lighthearted and fun and sweet and also just really spot-on hilarious. I was laughing my head off the entire time. Plus it's Massenet so the music is gorge, especially the mezzo music :D Benvenuto Cellini Not least because it introduced me to one of my favorite trouser roles, but also because (as we've discussed) it has basically everything you need in a (not-tragic) opera: fantastic cast of lovable, wonderful characters; exciting and somewhat angsty plot; joyous happy ending; really cute and pure lead couple; adorable trouser role; Disaster Bi hilarious semi-villain you just can't help but love; some really fantastic music; and so much fun and hilarity in general. La Rondine I give this one props because it somehow made me bawl my eyes out even though no one dies. And of course it's the whole Puccini "let's pretend this thing is an operetta for an hour and a half :) and make everything all lighthearted and happy :) and have everyone just have a great time singing some wonderful music :) and then break everyone's heart in the last half hour and leave them obliterated." Also that ensemble in Act II just makes me CRY even though it's like the happiest bit of the opera?? it's just so freaking pretty omg. Alcina Props for being one of the frickin gayest operas on the planet. Also contains one of my favorite pieces of music ever in the history of ever. In general has a lot of opportunities for folks being gay as heck. Oronte can fall off the face of the earth, though. Also I am a sucker for Handel in general. Plus mezzos loving mezzos. Can't go wrong with mezzos loving mezzos. (Yeah, I know technically Rugierro can be played by a countertenor, but I don't watch those ones ;p ) The plot is still "WTF???" in my head, but does that really matter when it's basically one nonstop gay mess? Die Fledermaus Really don't understand how this took so long to get into my life (especially because German operetta was my Thing back in the day) but now that it's in my life I love it to pieces. One of the most iconic trouser roles ever, and an entire cast full of lovable buffoons, as well as just one bop after another. Plus a really slapstick plot. Basically laughed through the entire show.

10 favorite overall opera productions of 2020: It was so hard to narrow this one down! I've seen so many amazing opera productions this year. To make it a little easier for me, I tried to focus on productions of operas that weren't new to me this year (though I HAD to put the Pelly Cendrillon on here. I couldn't not) so I could focus more on the production itself. These ones aren’t in any particular order bc I’m lazy:

Sher Hoffmann (Met 2009/2015) Surprise, surprise. I simply adore the production, set, costumes, staging, etc.--all so wonderfully weird and delightfully eccentric, without distracting from the very odd and complicated story. Plus, I love the casts in both performances, esp. Kate Lindsey but you knew that already ;) Sher Barbiere (Met 2017) Three words: DiDonato. Flórez. Mattei. Plus Del Carlo and Relyea and it's Sher so really, where can it possibly go wrong?? It's an absolute delight from beginning to end that just takes all the comedic gold from the story and runs with it, and, as with his Hoffmann, provides a delightfully eccentric set and staging without being distracting. Salzburg 2013 Don Carlo Super gay, amazing cast, beautiful production, contains material not seen many other places, and introduced me to Maria Celeng's Tebaldo, which will undoubtably forever be my favorite. Did I mention how gay it is? Garsington 2017 Nozze A really fun, charming, heartwarming, and beautiful staging of one of my favorite operas. I love the cast and set and costumes and that people in general are pretty nice to Cherubino, and the Count isn't as creepy or mean as in some productions, and has some legit nice moments with Rosina during the opera so his apology at the end actually comes across as kinda genuine. In particular I love the really adorable Figaro and Susanna (individually adorable, as well as being a really adorable couple) and Cherubino. Pelly Cendrillon (Met 2018/ROH 2010) Super gorgeous production that does an amazing job evoking the fairy tale feel. Not thrilled with 100% of the choreography but I love pretty much everything else about it--the sets, the staging, the cast (especially the Met cast, though there is one little detail in the ROH one I like better) and even the lighting are super intricate and effective. Munich 2011 Hoffmann Just a really delightfully weird take on this opera, with a great cast, some fantastic singing, hilarious sets and costumes, and some quirky staging and edit choices that make it really unique and fun. Met 2017 (Sher) Roméo et Juliette I should basically just say everything by Sher is my favorite now huh? I legit want to write this guy some fan mail because his work (especially for Hoffmann) has in a lot of ways just been really meaningful to me. I didn't even like this opera until I saw this production. It's so GORGEOUS and timeless and yet simple and sweet, and the cast is to die for. Met 2017 Norma Flippin gay, that's really all I need to say, oh my lord. Plus the cast is amazing. Honeslty don't remember much about the sets or costumes, I just remember how amazingly gay it is. Met 2009 Orfeo ed Euridice The dancing in particular is what draws me to this one, but also the expansive moving sets and some really heartbreaking choreography and blocking. Side note, I know a lot of people are annoyed with Amor's outfit, but I love how ridiculous her sparkly pink ensemble is compared with the sombre outfits of the leading cast (and chorus representing all those famous dead people historical figures). I mean, she's basically Cupid, right? When has Cupid every been spiffy or dignified? Plus the whole thing is super gay and really underrated in my opinion. Bonus: Stephanie Blythe is now hands-down my favorite Orfeo. La Scala 1995 Hoffmann Set and costumes are okay, effective but not particularly memorable, but holy lord is this one GAY as hell. That's my favorite thing about it, plus much of the cast (Mentzer and Shicoff, obviously, as well as Natalie Dessay being my favorite Olympia and Denyce Graves being one of my top favorite Giuliettas). There are a few kind of weird things about the staging, and the edit is far from being my favorite, but I adore how fully it embraces every aspect of gay that this opera presents. Plus it's one of the few I've seen that actually has a legit nice ending (others being Munich and Sher).

Thanks for the ask, sorry it got kinda long!

[headoverhiddles]

Killing Strangers - Marilyn Manson x Reader AU [Smut]

Synopsis: Your boyfriend is a dangerous man, with secretive toys, a secretive past, and skeletons in his closet. But what will you do when he’s not around to protect you? 

P1/? I may continue this on ao3.

Notes: Undercover Agent/Assassin Manson AU!! I couldn’t get this plot bunny out of my head, so here you go. This is me procrastinating on all my other planned MM fics. Enjoy! (Kill4Me, Killing Strangers, and Gangster by Kehlani are great songs to cycle while reading this)

It’s midnight in Stuttgart, Germany.

You spread out on the chaise lounge, your dress riding up to your knee as you rest your head in your arms and watch the lights of the city blink. It’s beautiful here.

Your boyfriend is an assassin working for a non-government branch, and has got three different places, in different spots. The first one is a penthouse in New York City, upper Manhattan. The second is, as he likes to call it, ‘homebase’, in Los Angeles, a hilltop mansion with bulletproof gates. He’s been spending the most time here in the German penthouse lately, having left behind much of his work in LA.

You rise from the chaise, dress brushing the floor as you walk over to the bookcase. He’s got a single photograph connecting him to anything he’s done in the past, and it’s a photo of him ten years ago, and five other men, all dressed in black suits. 

That had been the dream team: The Antichrist Syndicate. It had started with his partner Jeordie, codename Twiggy, who used to run with Manson in the early days of the business. Then Kenneth, codename Ginger, John, codename 5, Stephen, codename Pogo, Skold, codename Arctic Wolf, and finally, your boyfriend: Brian Warner, codename Manson, the Pale Emperor. They had all worked for an international organization for undercover peacekeeping, called Interscope, under a philanthropist named Trent. They did good, keeping secrets, taking out high profile people. Trent ran a tight business, no loose ends. Then after Mission Grotesque, a particularly bloody affair in Berlin, they parted ways.

5 left first, then Pogo, then Skold, and finally Ginger decided it was time to leave as well. Ginger and 5 had teamed up again in some kind of partnership somewhere across the world in Romania, Pogo had left the life for good (and had probably gotten killed for it by now), nobody really knew what happened to Twiggy, and Skold had gone rogue, become a ghost, a gun for hire.

Manson would have done the same, if becoming a lone wolf wasn’t so unreliable. He liked the benefits he got from working under contract, which meant he could provide for you, keep you safe, keep you under protection when he wasn’t around to look after you. The Loma Vista organization under Bates paid him good, and made it clear that you and he would both be untraceable.

You adjust the framed photograph, dusting it off with your fingertips. Manson played it like he didn’t give a shit about anything or any of those ‘backstabbing assholes’, but you could read him well enough to know he missed those days sometimes.

You walk over to the bar in the penthouse, pouring yourself another cosmo. You had been a bartender before Manson had picked you up in that club three years ago, so you knew how to mix a good one. You run your fingers down your neck to your diamond dagger-shaped necklace, smiling. It felt good knowing how much he cared for you. The danger of his job was all worth it—you would kill for him, and he would do the same.

You walk back over to the window, and sigh. The cars passing below look like small fairy lights, dancing in the blur of the night, and your eyes in the glass reflection mirror the stars.

Suddenly, all the lights go out. You swish your drink, letting the lit up city illuminate its path up to your lips.

"There's an intruder in the house," you remark dryly, "Whatever will I do?"

"Beg for mercy," Manson's voice growls behind you, and fingers wrap around the back of your neck. You take another sip of your pink drink, blinking your eyelashes.

"You gonna choke me, daddy?"

He hums, vibrations rumbling against your back. "I've gotten too used to having you around. I’d probably go crazy without you." Instead of choking you as some lethal assailant in the night may have, he begins massaging you instead. "You haven't been relaxing. You're stiff, sweetheart." You reach back, hand finding his crotch.

"And you're not." You turn around, looking up at him teasingly. "That's a problem." He turns the lights back on, smirking as the shoulders of your dress fall down your back.

"We won’t have to worry about that for long." He walks over to fix himself a drink, undoing his top two buttons to reveal the tattoos on his chest. "What’d you do today, babygirl?"

"Made sure nobody broke in and killed me," you smile sweetly, sauntering by him. You hum, and look at his gun cabinet as you pass it. "That gets me wondering..."

"Mm," he mumbles, half listening as he downs his glass of vodka and pours himself another. You watch him, biting your lip. His black shards of hair are in his eyes, and his cuff links have the slightest trace of dried blood on them. It makes you wet imagining how it got there.

Turning to the cabinet your curiosity had brought you to, you unlatch it, and take a small gun out. You make sure to attach the silencer, as you’d seen Manson do a million times, and close the cabinet door softly. Walking back over to the living room, you stand across from the west wall.  

Looking around, you aim at a plate on the shelf across the room, and pull the trigger. It instead blows a hole through a copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales, and Manson looks up from where he’s cutting lines.

“Mind telling me why you’re shooting up the place?”

“I’m practicing,” you shush him, getting up and inspecting the smoking bullet hole, “What am I going to do when you’re away one day and some thug comes in, trying to kidnap me to get to you?” He stares at you through dark eyes, taking a sip of his vodka. You go on. “Picture it. Bates sends you off to Hong Kong to kill some arms dealer who wouldn’t pay. I’m here... all alone... dressed like I am...” You inch your dress up your leg, and his eyes dart down, following the hike of your skirt.

“So, you wanna protect yourself with a gun?” he muses, using a rolled up hundred to snort his lines. “How patriotic.”

“Fuck off.” You lick your matte red lips. “If you get to play with guns, so should I.”

A smug smirk dances on his lips as he admires your form. At least your breasts are being pushed together nicely the way you’re holding that pistol. “Uh huh. Have some of this.”

“I’m busy.”

He walks over to the couch, and sits behind you with his drink, watching. “Okay. Try again.”

You look at him, then back at your target: the damn plate.

He settles in, elbows on his knees, and watches your finger stroke the trigger. “Careful, angel. Aim nice and close.” You close one eye, and pull the trigger. Manson cringes as you blow his first edition Alistair Crowley book away.

He gets up, sighing, and sets his drink down. “You wanna learn how to do what I do?” he mumbles in your ear. He presses his weight up against you from behind, and wraps his arms around you, rolling up his sleeves. His hand encompasses yours, tattooed fingers making sure your grip is right. “Here’s what I do.” He jerks your arm, shooting the plate. Then he shoots a cross pattern into the wall behind it, with four bullet holes, and strokes his hand down your hip. You moan gently, and he pauses. “Oh. You like that?”

“Mhm,” you nod, and he brushes your hair aside, holding your shoulder.

“Your turn.” You aim, and he holds your hand again, steady. “Shoot,” he whispers, pointing just past you, “Here. And the world’ll get smaller, sweetheart.”

His voice is like sandpaper honeyed over. You lean back into him, and his hand finds your breast, massaging it as you try to aim. You give up a few seconds later, and he guides the gun down between your breasts, down your stomach, and slides your dress up your thigh.

“Please,” you whisper, and he dips the barrel of the gun into your black lace panties.

“I fucking wanted you all week,” he growls in your ear, “It killed me being away from you.”

“You could’ve called me.”

He drags the gun up and down. “I don’t have enough burner phones for how many times I had to jack off thinking of you.”

You shiver, reaching back to palm him. He’s half hard in his pants, and you want more. “What did you think of?”

“You, putting on a little show for me. Those gorgeous eyes, staring up at me like I’m the world while you suck my cock like it’s all you live for.”

“Oh,” you breathe, and he massages your other breast, starting to move the gun against your clit.

“You look good holding a gun, babygirl. Aim and show daddy just how good you are.” He gives you the gun, but you drop it and press your lips to his. He walks you back into the floor to ceiling glass windows, and tears your dress, letting it fall around your ankles.

“I liked that dress,” you pout.

“Fuck the dress,” he mutters, and turns you around so you’re facing the building opposite you. You’re only in black pantyhose and a black push up bra, otherwise exposed. He sinks his teeth into your shoulder, his grill making the mark even more pronounced, and you purr, grinding back against him. He grinds his cock into your ass for a moment, just reveling in the sound of your soft moans growing in volume.

He finally pulls your panties down, and positions himself, slowly sinking into you. You gasp, palms splaying out over the window. He grunts once he’s all the way in, then starts up a pace. You grind back into every thrust, and he holds you around your middle, slapping your ass with his hips every time he pounds in.

“You know, if someone broke in, you could just fuck them to distract them until I got back. Your pussy could send a man to an early grave.”

Angrily, you shove back against the window so that both of you fall to the floor, and you get back on top of him. He holds your hips, mouth falling open and head falling back as you start to ride him hard into the floor.

“Babyg... ah, ah... ah...”

“You like that?” you circle your hips, slamming down, “Huh? Mister tough hitman, scary pale emperor, thinks I can’t protect myself. You like feeling my wet little cunt around you? Guess who’s on top of who?!”

“Fuck,” he groans, and you put your forearms on either side of his head, dragging your breasts up over his face.

“I’m close,” you whisper, “Oh god.” He holds you tighter, reaching up your ribcage to grope your breasts and suck your nipples.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Cum on my fucking cock,” he sneers, “Do it, I know you want it.”

“Manson,” you moan, and he rocks you through your orgasm from beneath. When he knows you’re done, he flips you over, roughly pounding into you a few times before his hips stutter and he swears again, finishing inside you.

He catches his breath, and kisses your forehead, rolling over beside you. His hair is messed up, eyeshadow smudged over half-lidded eyes. 

“I’m sorry about the dress, babygirl. I’ll buy you a new one. Pretty one, just like that one, hm?”

“Thank you,” you whisper, crossing your leg with his. He holds onto your leg, chest rising and falling. You two finally rise, and you pull your panties up, so your lingerie set is at least complete to walk around in.

“Now. About this gun thing.” He runs his hand through his hair, and picks it up. “Why don’t we practice on something useful?”

He points out the window at the neighbour he absolutely despises. The guy has his Christmas tree decked out in LED blinking lights that never seem to go out, and while the building across from you seems like it’s miles away, it hasn’t stopped irking either of you.

“Kill Griswold over there.”

“I can’t kill him!”

“Your aim is fine.”

“I bet you I can’t.”

“I bet you can, and whoever is wrong has to give the other person... four straight hours of oral sex.”

You sigh, and aim the gun. “What about the windows, genius?” His hands find your hips, and he holds his hands together in front of you, resting his forearms on your curves. He lays his head in the nape of your neck, watching with you.

“We’ll replace them tomorrow, with your dress.”

“You think it’s smart to leave the penthouse of a contract killer wide open all night?”

“If anybody comes to get us, I know who’s gonna protect me.” He nudges you with his head. “Shoot the motherfucker.”

You pull the trigger, and hit the poor guy’s power box. His tree goes up in flames, and you stifle a laugh. You two watch as he comes storming into his living room, and looks over, trying to find who did it in a sea of tiny apartment lights. He finally looks all the way up at you two. Manson waves, grinning, and you blow him a kiss.

“My nasty little femme fatale,” he mumbles into your neck. He saunters over to the chaise, sitting back, and you sit on his lap, slinging your legs sideways over his.  

“When’s your next job?” you ask, taking a sip from his tumbler of vodka. He plays with a lock of your hair.

“Next month. Contract in Berlin.”

Berlin. That’s... “That’s not far,” you murmur, mouthing kisses along the corner of his mouth, playing with the last few done up buttons above his navel. You trace the long upside down cross he’s got tattooed there.

“Mmm,” Manson agrees, fondly stroking up and down your arms. “I think we should get a cat. We can pawn it off on Bates when we leave.” He idly looks back at the picture frame on the shelf, staring for longer than usual. You follow his line of sight, and try to think of the best way to say it.

“Maybe... he doesn’t want to be found, babe.” Manson looks back to you.

“Good. I hope the fucker stays lost.”

Snuggling into him on the couch, listening to the late night Stuttgart traffic from the open air where your window used to be, you feel his heartbeat pick up a little. No matter how much he tried to deny it, the mystery was weighing on him.

After Mission Grotesque, where had his old partner disappeared to?

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/01/2021 (Wellerman, Fredo, Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish & ROSALÍA)

I’ve never been more thankful for a song being this big – “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo spends a third week at #1, blocking “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #2. Thank God. Anyway, we’ve got 10 new arrivals so let’s cut the chit-chat and start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Of course, after this brief rundown we always do. Thankfully, the site actually updated last week, so I can go through this as routinely as possible. For drop-outs, it’s a lot of recent new arrivals falling out either off the debut or a few weeks after – most of them being pretty crap – but we do have some notable drop-outs, like “Forever Young” by Becky Hill, “Plugged In Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer, “pov” by Ariana Grande, “Love is a Compass” by Griff, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit and Mabel featuring 24kGoldn, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur, and finally, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. Now to move onto the chart proper, we do have some movement to discuss. Firstly, we have some fallers, those being “Dynamite” by BTS at #32, “positions” by Ariana Grande at #39, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #41, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #43 off of the return, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #46, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat at #47, “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #48, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #51, “Wellerman” by the Longest Johns practically being replaced at #52 (We’ll discuss this more later), “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #53, “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone and Chip at #55, “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #60, “Bad Boy” by the late Juice WRLD and Young Thug unfortunately purging to #62, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #67, “Pinging (6 Figures)” by Central Cee crashing off of the debut to #72 and “Diamonds” by Sam Smith at #74, joining our two returning entries – which are just older songs getting another brief pick-up at the bottom of the charts. Those are “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong and “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at #75 and #73 respectively, by the way. Oh, and we also have “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #65, but I honestly can’t see that song going anywhere – and I really like it. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have any gains, however, as finally, we can see some rising hits trying to fill in the cracks, like both of Rudimental’s debuts from last week: “Be the One” with MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D is up to #58, whilst the incredibly worse single “Regardless” with RAYE is cracking into the top 40 at #40. Sigh, well, we do have some more promising gains, like... “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #38? “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman at #37 off of the debut? Okay, 2021 might end up being pretty rough, huh? Thankfully, we have a plentiful amount of new arrivals to waive any of my fears, so let’s just start with those.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 – “Overpriced” – M Huncho

Produced by Quincy Tellem

Oh, come on! Okay, so this is M Huncho, UK trao’s answer to the late MF DOOM, except without any of the lyrical complexity, storytelling abilities, genuine wit, charming sampling and production techniques, brilliant discography... he’s pretty much just a guy whose main gimmick is the mask, and it’s on this single cover too, seemingly in a museum. This song in particular is just one of these melodic trap cuts with wavy acoustic guitars blended with synths beyond recognition, topped off with odd bass mastering and a checked-out performance from M Huncho, who spends way too much time on his verses going “doo-doo-doo-doo-doo”, before the beat switches for a verse that fades out after like 20 seconds. What’s the point of any of this, honestly? It’s not awful – the bass does kind of knock – but I really don’t understand why this is here, or why M Huncho is a big name. It’s not even as good as AJ Tracey’s trap bangers and it’s not even as funny as D-Block Europe, which I’m surprised by, considering that he had his own stupid hit with “Pee Pee” around this time last year, and that song was actually good. Also, M Huncho, what do you think your fans get from you dissing them? If you’re going to brag about your “house by the lake” and then rap about how some unnamed individual “still lives at their mum’s in a council estate”, consider that a lot of your audience will still live with their parents in council housing or be surrounded by people who do. Someone who really came from poverty should know that this is classist and disrespectful to your own demographic. Yeah, this is worthless. Why’s this guy still charting? At least Young Adz knows how to write a hook.

#65 – “New Love” – Silk City and Ellie Goulding

Produced by Silk City and Picard Brothers

Okay, so we do have some energy on the chart – or at least half of the credited acts have. Silk City is a duo of producers, those being Diplo, a true weirdo in mainstream EDM who’s honestly kind of fascinating and oftentimes a fluke genius (especially in its work in Major Lazer and Jack U with Skrillex), and Mark Ronson, one of the greatest producers of the 21st century so far, probably most known for “Uptown Funk!”. These guys did have a hit together with Dua Lipa in 2018 in the form of “Electricity”, but it’s been a while and I’m interested to see how they work with the complete non-presence that is Ellie Goulding. It’s with some level of disappointment that I say that she’s not a non-presence here, as this is otherwise a pretty neat house tune with some excellent 90s keys and a deep-house groove I think is pretty fun. The strings in the pre-chorus are great and build-up to a fantastic chorus... or at least the instrumental is fantastic, because Goulding is a waste here, mixed way too high and honestly just faltering her vocals here. She sounds awkward through multi-tracking and even worse without it, as she clearly goes for a rough swagger that cannot work with her light, almost fairy-like voice she’s relied on much of her career. The intricacies of this production are really admirable, but Goulding was clearly an afterthought. With a real diva on vocals, or honestly just a sample of a soul or diva house track, this could be excellent. As it is, I’m bored. Next.

#63 – “Typhoons” – Royal Blood

Produced by Royal Blood

Oh, okay. Well, this is a pleasant surprise. Royal Blood are an English garage rock duo that rock pretty hard, and don’t go for anything else beyond that, which to me is a breath of fresh air, and, yeah, this is good. Is it as good as their debut? Of course not, their biggest hit “Figure it Out” is still incredible, and this one goes for a more synthesized 70s feel, even accentuated by disco keys in the pre-chorus. The riffs are still here though, as that main guitar line is pretty awesome. I see this as a mix of garage rock revival bands from the 2000s like the White Stripes, as well as some stoner-adjacent bands like Queens of the Stone Age, with a more classic hard-rock groove and Mike Kerr’s signature yelp, and it works for what it is, so I’m excited for that upcoming single. Nothing’s particularly impressive here, but I’ll definitely go for this over the rest of what we have charting, so I’m not complaining. This is good, you should check these guys out, even if they tend to be a bit derivative. That tense bridge with the looming background vocals and intensifying riff is genuinely epic, by the way, even if there isn’t much more of a pay-off behind just... the chorus again, which ends up rendering as flat as a result. Regardless, it’s a good break from the norm – which for a chart week like this, I’m especially glad is here.

#61 – “Your Love (9PM)” – ATB, Topic and A75

Produced by ATB, Topic and Rudi Dittmann

German DJ ATB was showing his girlfriend his new recording studio when he got carried away with a single guitar sound and made a song out of it, “9PM (Till I Come)”, named after the time the track was finished. Later on, he took the track and added some whispered vocals from Spanish model Yolanda Riviera. This happened in 1999, by the way, when this song was released to great success in Europe, leading to a hilariously dated album cover but still a UK #1. The song is honestly kind of bad, relying on a pretty typical house groove, ugly MIDI guitars and that seductive vocal loop. Regardless, since 90s nostalgia has come way too fast, Topic has remixed the track with A75, a collaboration we’ve seen before on “Breaking Me” from last year, which sucked. To be fair, the original song is pretty empty, so I’m interested to hear A75 add some vocals... and he just sounds pained over a deep-house rip of the original. The ugly MIDI melody stays, just now it’s drowned out and even more synthesized – this is the guitar sound you liked so much? I hope she left you. Let’s move on.

#59 – “My Head & My Heart” – Ava Max

Produced by Jonas Blue, Earwulf and Cirkut

Speaking of being bored, here’s pop singer Ava Max, with a new lead single from the deluxe edition of her debut studio album, Heaven & Hell. This one’s produced by Jonas Blue, which, alongside a redundant “Jonas Blue remix”, is probably why it’s charting. What’s sad is it’s not really very good, as the vocals are over-processed over fake hand-claps and clipping mixes that make those plastic synths sound even worse. Admittedly, I like the rubbery future bass-esque bass line here, but that’s really as far as my appreciation for this goes, as the writing is non-existent, and Ava Max is barely here. It’s honestly really similar to “New Love”, except this one’s not even as interesting as that track, going for an exhaustingly tired house-pop style that while she is a natural fit for, it does make the 2000s synth-pop she started with sound inspired in comparison. Oh, and the “Jonas Blue remix” is practically a glorified bass-boost that makes this sound even uglier, so, yeah, skip this.

#42 – “Apricots” – Bicep

Produced by Bicep

Bicep is a Northern Irish electronic duo from Belfast, and this is an instrumental from their most recent album, Isles, which clearly must have stood out enough for it to debut at #42. I can understand why too, as that sample from Hugh Tracey’s African music recordings, particularly the vocal sample used, is really infectious and interesting. I don’t think everything surrounding it is enough to really make it less annoying, as it running through nearly the entirety of a four-minute track makes this sample lose its lustre too quickly. It runs its course far before the song has the chance to build up into a house track, with that sample crushing everything that isn’t the percussion in the mix anyway. The keys are really cool, and I can’t fault the strings and ambiance that keeps the song building up for as long as it does. It also takes a sample from a Bulgarian folk choir, which they paralleled to the Celtic folk they grew up hearing, and honestly, this is just a cool blending of global music rather than an actually good song, ending with me respecting this more than actually enjoying it. The synths by the end sound fantastic as does the Bulgarian chanting, but it doesn’t really have a great climax or drop to make the build-up worth it, defaulting to a generic house groove by the end that fades out before it can have any real impact. So, yeah, this isn’t bad, but feels like a waste of some really great ideas. I guess I can say that “Northern Irish remix of an English ethnomusicologist’s recordings of African music that also samples a Bulgarian folk tune” isn’t quite as much of a developed idea as “Kazakh remix of an American rapper of Guyanese descent’s trap song in a Brazilian house style released on a Russian record label”.

#35 – “Lo Vas A Olvidar” – Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA

Produced by FINNEAS

It’s not often that songs in non-English languages chart in the UK. Whilst in the US, Latin music is such a force that it’ll launch hits for many Spanish-speaking artists, this isn’t the case in decidedly smaller Britain, where a still multicultural society tends to produce art that is always in English. To be fair, we don’t have a place like Puerto Rico, and the few songs I’ve talked about this year that have been in a different language... well, basically the one song I can remember off the top of my head, was in a Nigerian Creole language. So, why’s a Spanish song by Spanish artist ROSALÍA charting so high? Well, it’s also a Billie Eilish song, and it’s also from the HBO teen drama Euphoria. Yeah, a teen drama makes a lot of sense for Eilish to soundtrack. This has been teased since 2019, and is actually ROSALÍA’s first song to chart here in the UK, so is it any good? Well, yeah, actually, it is. Both Eilish and ROSALÍA have excellent whispery tones that complement FINNEAS’ muted, ambient production perfectly, and their harmonisation sounds great, with both singing in Spanish here for the most part. That chorus is pretty janky, though, and I don’t really see the point in the Auto-Tuned interludes, even if they both sound great playing off of each other with a lot of tuning in the outro. This is pretty minimal and dare I say awkward, kind of eerie, so I don’t see it sticking around, but as a longing break-up track, they both sell it well. Next.

#28 – “Skin” – Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by Ryan McMahon

Joshua Bassett’s response flopped immensely, meaning that now it’s Sabrina Carpenter’s time to shine, because if it’s anything she gets out of this Disney love triangle, it’s a hit song, and people clearly want to hear more from the women than they do from Josh. Telling. Now I’m not one to follow Disney teen drama because this is all a marketing gimmick. I mean, the songs dropped every Friday so anyone who can’t see through this is either blind or... a child, and considering the audience, that second one is more likely, which is fine. Popular music is, ultimately, in the hands of teenagers and record executives, and all of these break-up response diss track... things, tend to feed into both hands, whilst also giving these talented young actors a bigger break. This is Carpenter’s first charting hit in the UK, after all. The song is decidedly worse than “drivers license” though, and by a lot, as the mixing here isn’t even competent, as Carpenter’s voice clips through these ugly pianos, worsened by how her voice does not sound great here at all, as she struggles through that terrible chorus. She may say that this isn’t a response to Rodrigo, but given the lyrics and how quickly this rushed release was put out, are we really supposed to believe that? The percussion here is gross as well, drowned in bad reverb that makes this just sound grey and dull. The strings building up to a climax are barely there, and when they are, they sound like they’re elevating a really garbage performance from Carpenter, who can barely keep up. This is supposed to be a ballad yet it sounds so stiff and controlled, meaning that Carpenter trying to let loose on the vocals makes this awkward and painful. I’m sorry, but this is really bad, and I hope it doesn’t stick around. Thankfully, I don’t see that happening.

#20 – “Back to Basics” – Fredo

Produced by Dave

Lil Chocolate Frog’s got a new record out this week that I’ve yet to hear, and this is the lead single, produced by his long-time friend and collaborator, Dave – who’s awesome. I’ve typically been less kind to his mate Fredo but honestly, his ever so slightly off-kilter style has grown on me too, and this song is a pretty good introduction to that. It’s one verse over rattling trap hi-hats and a really eerie vocal sample, and Fredo flows casually and smoothly over the beat, in his typical careless, just barely there style, which works well over a pretty subtle beat like this. Fredo’s lyrics are pretty interesting here too, as amidst flexing and gun-play, he has some pretty funny lines, although far from Dave’s wordplay, rather relying on fun one-liners where he says he’s “kind of Christian”, doing revision on drug trafficking, will run for mayor, and because of how much of the gang violence is sadly amongst ethnic minorities, he himself is racially profiling his “opps”. One line near the end of the track actually made me laugh, when he says he counts up twenties while eating porridge. It’s not funny on paper, sure, but the delivery is gold. He shows more character here than he has since “Funky Friday”, also with Dave, so I’m pretty excited to hear this record, which Dave actually executively produced. It’s also got the late Pop Smoke on a track with Young Adz, so at least I’ll let out more of those laughs. This lead single is pretty good though, and I can see it going top 10 next week with the album boost.

#3 – “Wellerman – Sea Shanty” (220 KID x Billen Ted Remix) – Nathan Evans

Produced by Saltwaves, Billen Ted and 220 KID

Last week, the sea shanty “Wellerman” charted as a cover by the Longest Johns. It’s a fine acapella cover, and this version, by Nathan Evans, was originally similarly acapella, except for the tap of a table as percussion to keep time. This version got even more viral on British TikTok, and if I recall correctly, he quit his job to be signed by Polydor, which is pretty scummy on Polydor’s part. I mean, you know this guy won’t have any more hits. Regardless, this version debuted at #3 thanks to a remix by DJs 220 KID and Billen Ted, three English producers. According to their Spotify duo, Billen Ted used to be a death metal band of all things but then transitioned into writing for dance-pop tunes, and have worked with 220 KID, even if this is technically only their second single. This remix is actually pretty cool to be honest, as it takes the original track and adds some needed energy, mostly through this generic 90s house beat and some admittedly really nice pianos. It’s nothing special, and I would usually criticise something this generic, but the song’s not even two minutes and it’s a pretty inoffensive remix that genuinely adds to the original song through that brilliant flip of the original hook melody in the drop, so I can’t complain. This won’t last, but I’m not mad that it’s here.

Conclusion

I’m actually somewhat pleased with this chart week, which I wasn’t expecting initially, as you can probably tell from my above cynicism. Regardless, we’ve got some variety here (though I don’t see much of it sticking) and I’ll give Best of the Week to Royal Blood for “Typhoons”, with a tied Honourable Mention for “Back to Basics” by Fredo, and, God damn it, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted. Shut up, it’s fun! Worst of the Week will probably go to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Skin”, with a Dishonourable Mention for the complete lack of effort that is M Huncho’s “Overpriced”, just being mildly offensive if anything. Here’s our top 10:

For next week, I mean, a girl can hope for some Weezer, but it’s more likely that we’ll be met with a Fredo album bomb and some scattered efforts from that middling Lil Durk deluxe edition. For now though, you can follow me @cactusinthebank for more ramblings and thanks for reading. I’ll see you next week.

[acehotel]

“Patience Is A Vulture”: An Interview with Creative Growth Artist Ray Vickers

Ray Vickers thinks it’s “un-American not to have a pet.” It just is. The Oakland-born and bred artist also wants you to know about the exact Thursday he was born, his 120-pound dog named Ace (maybe our favorite dog name to date) and his popular series of dead rabbit illustrations. For this edition of Inside Job — a monthly artists’ series led by LAND Gallery’s Sophia Cosmadopoulos — Vickers chats about his nine years at Creative Growth, his artistic process and all the animals that he’s taken care of.

Creative Growth is an Oakland-based non-profit that serves artists with developmental, mental and physical disabilities, providing a professional studio environment for artistic development, gallery exhibition and representation.

Ray Vickers: Did you know patience is a vulture, ain’t that how it go?

Sophia Cosmadopoulos: I think the saying is patience is a virtue.

RV: I think it’s vulture. And if I found your phone and gave it to you, that’s called a good samurai?

SC: It’s whatever you want it to be. Is that some pepperoni on your drawing?

RV: Oh my goodness [brushes it off]. I told my mom and sister last week, a few days ago, if I see someone, a man, doing a horrible crime, I would take my belt off and spank him. If I see a man doing a crime, I would whoop him. I would hit him with his belt in my right hand and take my belt off and whoop him with my left.  

SC: So a double whoop?

RV: Yeah, so what questions you got for me?

SC: Well, would you like to start off by introducing yourself? RV: I’m god. No, I’m not. I am Ray Vickers. V-I-C-K-E-R-S, period. We are in Oakland, California. I was born and raised out here, lemme see, about 31 years. I am 31. Been on this earth 31 years. I lived in Hayward years ago for a short period. But I have been in Oakland pretty much all these years.

SC: Yeah, I grew up out here too. But in San Francisco.

RV: It’s freezing out there, huh? I heard because it be by the ocean.

SC: It is definitely foggier. But now I live in New York where it gets really cold. Have you ever been out there?

RV: No, I can’t really travel because of my pets. I got my two dogs and I got my lizard. And nobody can really feed my lizard his worms. I have a bearded dragon and I feed him mealworms — they are about an inch. My mom will hold my lizard but she won’t feed him worms. So nobody will feed my lizard worms, nobody will walk my dog, he’s nine, he’s 120 pounds, he’s strong. So he used to pull me when I walk him, but he doesn’t pull me no more. So I take his leash and I put it around my waist and I take the leash and I put it around his neck, you know, a chain collar, but he doesn’t really pull me like he used to. His name is Ace.

SC: And what is your lizard’s name?

RV: Jax. J-A-X. He turned a year old on April 19, 2019. I got him when he was small but he’s still growing. He has autism, he don’t like changes. I kiss him on the lips. He don’t like changes. I chilled with him yesterday for about an hour, but I didn’t have time for him on Tuesday or Wednesday. So I picked him up yesterday and he was mad at me because I couldn’t hold him on Tuesday or Wednesday and he tried to bite me. But I told him, if he bite me, I am not going to feed him. It took about 30 seconds and he calmed down. Then I picked him up and I put him, you know, to chill in my pocket for a little bit. I let him sleep. I can pick him up and he can be on my shoulder, chilling with me.

SC: I have never heard of a lizard with autism.

RV: Yeah, it happens. They can have ADD, ADHD, all that.

SC: When did you first start coming to Creative Growth?

RV: Almost nine years, I believe. I come here four days a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday. But Tuesdays I am here from 9:30 to two o’clock because I leave to do my dog walking job, walking my friend’s dog for an hour. She’s a German Shepherd mix. She’s not big, she’s medium, she’s still strong. I leave today at 2:45, I do a dog walking job. But since the time change, unfortunately I don’t get home till about close to five o’clock, where it’s almost dark and dangerous. I hate to be out in a dark period. You know, I have a big dog and I have pepper spray but I still hate to be out in the dark, because that’s when a lot of badness happens. So I leave here every Tuesday about two o’clock on the nose. I am here four days a week.

SC: Can you describe an average day here at Creative Growth? RV: It has its days. It’s good. It’s like, me? I have autism and I say and do stuff without thinking, but I know how to control my impulsiveness here. Like if I saw you talking to somebody, I wouldn’t walk up behind you and talk to you, because I know how to control my ADD and everything. I wouldn’t just butt in and say something because I have R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

SC: And can you describe your artwork to me?

RV: I just draw whatever is in my head. Something simple, nothing fancy. I do dead rabbits that a lot of people like. I don’t know why people like them, but they do. They sell quick.

SC: When did you start making work about dead rabbits?

RV: Well I was watching TV and I had a freezer in my room. I was watching TV and I had a step, kinda like a stairway thing, a step stool, and it fell on my freezer, and my freezer had a dent in it and I looked at the dent, and I automatically thought of a rabbit. But the real part was, I was watching a show called Heroes, I don’t know if you heard of it, but about 30 seconds later, after the commercial, they showed a guy on there killing a rabbit. It was weird because right before that happened an image of a rabbit popped in my head on my freezer. So I started drawing them, and then everybody liked them. So I started making them out of wood and everything and on paper.

SC: And who is killing those rabbits?

RV: It varies. It could be those teddy bears killing them. Because you know those rabbits with the red eyes? I love animals, don’t get me wrong, but you know those rabbits with the red eyes? It scares the holy guacamole out of me. I ain’t gonna lie, it scares the crap out of me. The rabbits with the red eyes? That’s scary. I took my chances with petting a pitbull on the street more than once, I haven’t been attacked by one. But the rabbits with the red eyes? Wowee. I ain’t petting one of those. It would bite my fingers off.

SC: And what’s your process when you draw them?

RV: I just draw them, I just use the main colors, red for the blood, pink is for the ears — no, wait — pink is for the stomach and a purplish color for the ears. I use a hot glue gun to bring out the whiskers. When I see a rabbit with red eyes, it scares the crap out of me, I don’t know why. The next time I see a rabbit, I will leave it alone. As long as it’s cool with me, I am cool with it. Because I have ADD and everything — my mind, it never stops processing everything. Like September 11th happened on a Tuesday. There are just certain things that I can’t forget. I was born on a Thursday, August 20, 1987 and I still remember that I was born on a Thursday. And the 1989 earthquake, you heard about that one? I was two years old and I remember when that happened. There are just certain things I can’t forget, it’s like a gift and a curse.

SC: How long have you been working on your art?

RV: I was drawing as a kid. I was drawing Sonic the Hedgehog and stuff like that. But I didn’t start coming here till like about almost nine years. I was just at home with my leopard gecko. I was just at home watching TV playing PS2 with my leopard gecko on my shoulder. I was just sitting there watching TV with nothing to do and I heard about this place here and I started three days a week. Now I go here four days a week.

SC: Do you like going to exhibitions at Creative Growth or at outside galleries?

RV: Yeah I don’t go to all of them, just certain ones. I always say, if my work ain’t in it, I don’t come.

SC: What are your goals for your art?

RV: I want to go big, you know, platinum? Nah, just to sell, but I would never be cocky if I was rich because the most money I ever had, probably was about one thousand, three and a half, four years ago here. But I am not cocky with money or nothing like that. It’s like I am good at certain things, but I don’t be bragging about it.

SC: What do you do outside of the studio?

RV: I go to Comic Con. The next Comic Con I am going to is August of this year. I remember the first time I was there about three or four years ago, I was there from like 9:40 in the morning to literally 3:00pm. I walked around the whole day, never did sit down. What happened last year was, all I ate was a crummy little bag of trail mix peanuts. That’s all I had. I collect action figures. Like, when people say I’m too old to collect action figures — I’m 31 — they’re probably jealous because they ain’t got the money like I do. Because I’m 31 and I probably have 300 action figures.

SC: Wow, that’s amazing. Can you tell me a little bit more about yourself and how you grew up?

RV: I was born and raised in Oakland. Never knew who my dad was, real mom died when I was 16 and I couldn’t cry because I never lived with her, I was never close. So my main focus was watching Spiderman and cartoons in the 1990s and then going to Comic Con. I used to have a leopard gecko, now I have a bearded dragon, a bulldog and a Newfoundland.

SC: It seems like you’re a real animal guy. What’s your favorite animal?

RV: My favorite reptile would be a bearded dragon, still my favorite reptile. I like snakes too. Any animals, I am all for — any animals. I was learning something the other day — that caterpillars, I think it was in Australia — no, London, that caterpillars can actually make silk like spiders and they can silken up houses and trees and cars and all that kind of stuff. A monarch butterfly can fly 1,100 feet in the air. An armadillo’s shell is literally pretty much bulletproof, and they can actually give people leprosy. I was learning a lot of stuff on the animal shows.

SC: You’ve told me a lot about your lizard, what about your dogs?

RV: Both my dogs get along fine, but the bulldog, I actually found her four years ago by the bus stop. And I couldn’t leave her there, and I promised myself that I wasn’t gonna bring home another dog, because I had a Pomeranian, but unfortunately she had to be put to sleep because she kept having seizures. So I ended up bringing home the bulldog. I walk my dogs. I just walk, if it’s raining, I’m still walking. I don’t mind walking, because I walk everyday for an hour. Yeah, because today I got my two hour and fifteen minute walk in today. If it’s hot, cold, rainy, I’m still walking. Now if it’s thundering and lightning and hailing, I ain’t crazy. I am crazy, but I don’t get struck by lightning. I ain’t trying to get struck by lightning. I don’t wanna be in a coma for six months sitting on my ass. I would miss a lot in six months, I would be missing all my shows, my dog would be missing everything.

SC: That’s right, I heard that you have rescued a lot of animals, tell me about that.

RV: Yeah, the smallest dog I ever saved, like almost four years ago? Her name is Clara, our teacher Mady has her. She was real, real, real, real small when I found her, lemme see, that was about almost four years ago. She was probably not even bigger than my shoe. I found her by the bus stop and that’s when I had my long skateboard. And I couldn’t leave her there, she was with another dog, so I picked her up and brought her on the bus. And when I skateboarded here, she was in my backpack, because I never really fall, and then I said Mady, I got something for you, so I reached in my backpack and got it for her. I have rescued about four or five dogs total. I am good with animals. I hate to see dogs roaming the streets. Even this past Tuesday I was walking home, there’s this one dog and I thought it was a boy so I named it Homeboy, but I just found out this morning that she’s a girl, so I gotta change her name to Homegirl. She’s a chow mix. Whenever I see her, I always give her food.

SC: Do you ever bring your pets to Creative Growth?

RV: No. Well, my lizard is autistic, he doesn’t like changes. He’s only used to me. Like if anybody else try to hold him, he gets kind of spicy. But then if I hold him, he’ll come chill with me for like three to four hours. I be chilling with him. I got a thousand pictures of him. It’s un-American not to have a pet. Everybody should have one. I go to PetSmart. My mom says she’s allergic to snakes but she’s not, she just doesn’t like snakes. So if I could get a snake, a long time ago, I would have, but my mom doesn’t like snakes.

SC: Any last words, Ray?

RV: Patience is a vulture. And, if somebody tells you you are a horrible artist or you’re too old to do this or that, don’t listen to them because haters are gonna hate. And as Stan Lee would say, “Enough said.”

[beatconductor-blog]

the gift that keeps on giving

HAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5F6KgFgnGc

Bro: Awww, babe.

HAL: Happy birthday, I love you.

> Are you actually grinning? > Yes. Bro: I love you too, you big fuckin gay.  Happy birthday.

> He better fucking be. So are you. HAL: Only the gayest for you. A brotherly I love you goes out too Dave as well though. Get your special birthday coffee, it's made with love and all the good shit.

😎 : thanks 😎 : not watching the vid tho

HAL: Fair. I can sing for you in person.

Bro: Birthday request. Bro: Sing it in early Vocaloids Kaito voice. Bro: Before the revamp that made him halfway tolerable.

HAL: Consider it done.

Bro: I love you so much.

HAL: Downloading the voice pack as we speak. HAL: Also: I made scrambled eggs, get your protein in boys.

😎 : god

Bro: Love me some Egg™ in the morning.

HAL: I know you love eggs, babe.

😎 : yeah alright i love eggs too gimme that good shit

HAL: Come eat up my delicious eggs. HAL: Also get your presents.

Dave 9:07 PM

> Well damn it alright you're getting up and head to the kitchen to get your coffee. And eggs. And presents.

Hal 9:18 PM

> You find one (1) Robo bro sitting at the table with coffe for you and one (1) present with your name on it. It is neatly wrapped in red paper. There is one (1)  other present on the table but it is orange and says "Dirk". Guess who it belongs to.

Dave 9:21 PM

> You got two boxes squeeze under your arm yourself, which you slip onto your lap as you take a seat on the table. Obviously you grab the orange one with a totally not shit eating grin. "Cool thanks man."

Hal 9:23 PM

"Dave, are you 100% sure you want to see what I am gifting Dirk?" > You give him a patented "It's hardcore porn" look. That's a thing, yeah.

Dave 9:26 PM

"You think I'm a coward?" > You put the orange present aside tho, mostly because you never planned to open it anyway. Instead you reach for the coffee that's probably for you. And anxiously stare at the box that's for you. You want to open it, but do you want to open it in front of Hal?

Hal 9:28 PM

"You are allowed to open your presents, you know?" > Don't be a coward Dave, get your tiny robot crocodile.

Dave 9:30 PM

"Really?? Explain." Are you stalling or being a little shit? The answer is both.

Hal 9:31 PM

"I hear it's human tradition to open up your birthday presents when you receive them. I am not an expert, of course."

Dave 9:32 PM

"Sounds fake but okay." Fiiine you reach for the present and.. actually.. unwrap it really carefully.

Hal 9:33 PM

> Actually lowkey anxious about the reaction. You didn't get to give many presents in your life so far. Not that it shows though, you have the same resting bitch face as usual.

Dave 9:39 PM

> Well, when you got it unwrapped you actually find a what. Tiny metal crocodile? For real??? > You carefully take it out of the box like its out of glass or something. You're totally quiet, but only out of fascination. Damn, that's. Cool. Your grin grows wider as you look at it from all directions.

Hal 9:41 PM

> The tiny crocodile starts moving and making sounds. It sounds a bit like..."Nak." How peculiar. "Thought you could use a little friend."

Dave 9:55 PM

It moves. Your mouth actually drops open. Holy s h i t. This is like all the cool toys on the kids tv ads you could never have, except even better. "Whaaat." You give it some little pets to watch its reaction.

Hal 9:59 PM

It naks some more and wiggles a little. It's not exactly a complex work of robotics, it's just a cute little toy. But it's made with love. You are most definitely smiling watching this though. Seems like he likes it, good.

Dave 10:24 PM

God do you love it. You actually spend a few good few minutes playing with ity totally forgetting about your coffee and your own presents. Eventually you realize you're not really alone. "This is.. so amazing... man, thanks.."

Hal 10:32 PM

The most shit eating robot grin. Fuck yeah, you are rocking this presents shit. Of course you are, you are amazing. "They say self made presents are the best after all, right?"

Dave 10:53 PM

"..you made this." You're not really surprised, you just.. didn't really think about that. You pull the little crocodile close to your chest in a very strong 'I will cherish this and protect it with my life' gesture. "Thank you. I... I don't have a self-made one for you.." Well, you're feeling a little awkward. There's no way you can compete with a gift like that.

Hal 11:07 PM

"Sure did." Yep, still got the most shit easting grin. Feels great, you could get used to this human emotion called gifting shit. The smile dies when he mentions he has a present for you. Duh, of course, that's two boxes. And yet just the concept of receiving a gift is still alien to you. Fuck. Play it cool, don't look nervous. "Doesn't have to be self made to be totally rad."

Dave 11:15 PM

"Well. It's damn rad if I may say so." Can't fake enough self-confidence to hide how nervous you actually are. You shove the smaller one of the boxes over at him though.

Hal 11:19 PM

There's a comment along the lines of "Oh of course, the smaller one for the lesser bro" comment on your lips but you bite that back. C'mon no, don't be a bitch for once Hal. Not about this, and not when you are excited, o matter how big it is. You can't decide if you are excited or anxious as you open it. Exious.

Dave 11:21 PM

"Hey now, it's not the size that matters." Actually, his gift is the one you specifically bought for him. Caught you a little offguard that you have yet another birthday to celebrate this year, but you wouldn't be you if you didn't manage some last minute baller presents. Inside the package, for the record, is a mug. But not just any, but motherfucking rad unicorn mug. One that changes color with hot beverages.

Hal at 12:27 AM

Oh. Oh no. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect and you are glad you are incapable of tears. Fuck. It's stupid, but the fact that he obviously put some thought into that thing? Has you feel some kind of way. Your voices glitches just a little when you speak, betraying just how emotional you are over this thing. Damn it. "It's pretty cool I guess. Thanks."

Dave 12:31 AM

The glitch in the voice actually worries you for a moment. But like. Is that actually an emotional raction? You are having a moment of doubt because the reaction sounds pretty... neutral, but then reassure yourself Hal just isn't one for big emotions. So the fact alone that he doesn't really have it in him to be snarky over the present, that means a lot, right? "You're welcome" you grin.

Hal at 12:48 AM

It means a lot more than you are really capable of reliably expressing. Humans go for hugs in that case right? You hope they do, cause you do that right now. Big old Robo Bro hug for Dave. You pull back like nothing even happened after a minute and your voice is back to normal. "So, how about them eggs?"

Dave 12:57 AM

O-oh, guess he really likes it, huh. You're having some mad proud big bro dokis here. He's back to normal after the hug, but nothing is gonna get this huge grin off your face today. "Yes please."

Hal at 12:58 AM

You wordlessly get that boy some delicious eggs. You'd say something about that grin but...Nah. He deserves that one.

Dave 9:53 PM

You sit there at the table and keep playing with the lil Nakodile until Bro comes. Still got a present for him too, after all!

Bro 10:14 PM

You emerge from your Cave later than intended, as silently as ever; you hadn't managed to start your sleep cycle on time, so you woke up a bit bleary-eyed after 45 minutes of uninterrupted snooze.  Yikes!  But you stretch, and then you ruffle Dave's hair as you slip past him to go straight for that coffee machine. Which is to say, your boyfriend, to give him a good morning kiss.

Dave 10:17 PM

You snort and shove his arm away as he passes you.(edited)

"Morning."

Hal at 10:20 PM

Well damn, and there you had hoped for a full hour. Perhaps another day. He gets a good nice robo smooch and a coffee on top of it. No one can say you aren't the perfect house husband. "Morning, babe. Ready for your happy birthday song?" You did in fact download the vocaloid voicepack he requested. Took a bit with the shitty connection so you  absolutely plan on going through with that shit. And most likely using it at inappropriate times later.

Bro 10:23 PM

"Mornin.  And fuck yes I am." You take the coffee and then take your seat, right next to- oh hey, Lil Cal! When'd you get here?  All seated like a proper gentleman and shit, andd with a little birthday hat to boot.  Nice.  Well, regardless, you're sipping your coffee now. "It's all I could have ever hoped for."

Hal at 10:26 PM

You sing for him, in german of course, and hand him his present. Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Dirk!

Dave 10:31 PM

You sideeye Lil Cal. Nice meeting you again, buddy. Caaarefully pull Nak Jr. away and shield his innocent eyes from this hell doll.

Bro 10:32 PM

Big ol' fuckin grin then.  Aww jeez, the madman really did it.  You ruffle your own hair, just absolutely pleased with this development, before pulling the present open-

Hal at 10:36 PM

You never half ass shit, especially not stupid jokes. In the box Dirk finds a tiny robot pony, complete with cute pink bow. She is perfect if you dare say so yourself. She neighs softly.

Bro 10:37 PM

You, right now:

Dave 10:38 PM

You watch the unwrapping really curiously and excitedly actually. Hal has already proven he's baller at presents. When you see what's inside though... Oh. Okay. Oh well. That. Hm.....

This is awkward. You just.. sink back into your own seat and keep busy with Nak Jr.

Hal at 10:39 PM

Mission fucking accomplished. You are grinning. Fuck yeah, you are the best at this present shit. Go you.

Bro 10:41 PM

You pull out the little pony and set her down between you and Dave, stroking her back in more than a little bit of awe.  "Fuck yes.  Babe, when the fuck did you have the time..."

Hal at 10:45 PM

"I get bored when you're at work." That's also why you took up cooking. Welp.

Bro 11:00 PM

"Haha, fair enough.  This is fuckin amazing."  You have not yet settled on a Name for the pony,but you know whateveer you're gonna name her is gonna be epic.  "Thanks, babe."

Hal at 11:02 PM

He gets another quick kiss, sorry to get gay on main Dave, but you will have to deal. Talking about Dave, you turn to look at him. "What about your present Dave?"

Dave 11:08 PM

Time to die some more. You shrug dismissively and pull up the other box to hand it over to Bro. "It's nothing special.." That's only half true. You had it up in the storage for a good portion of these five years, waiting for Bro for whenever he'd come back. It seemed fitting, but now you just feel cheap and unoriginal.

Bro 11:19 PM

You take the box, but first, you lay a hand on Dave's wrist, somewhat? comfortingly. "Hey.  I wasn't even expecting a gift.  Anything you get me is special, dude." Which is goddamnedd true.  You haven't really celebrated your birthday in... a long, long time.  So you're delighted, albeit in that cool guy way of yours, as you open up Ddave's gift.

Dave 11:40 PM

It's... reassuring, but you're still anxious. You still give him a hesitant smile as answer. "Alright." Inside the present Bro finds a Barbie horse from like 2012. (One... that can walk. https://youtu.be/mWSmlIx6ydA)

Bro 11:42 PM

Your face, right now:

Dave 11:48 PM

You're watching him closely and.... that expression... not only relieves you, but makes you smile yourself. Good job? Good job.

Hal at 11:49 PM

Good job. "Jee Dirk, How come your mom let's you have two ponies?"

Bro 11:56 PM

"Because I'm the motherfuckin best." Two ponies.  Two girlfriends.  They're dating now, you've decided, as you make them trot next to one another.  "Y'all didn't have to get me anything,but... thank you.  I fuckin love this."

Dave 11:59 PM

Your Bro is a fucking dork. And you love it. You love how much he loves it. "You're welcome."

December 5, 2018

Bro 12:01 AM

You sip your coffee as you watch the horse girlfriends prance, before glancing at your phone.  You say, "Hey, Dave, you got somewhere you can go for about an hour or two later on?"

Dave 12:07 AM

You give him a very quizzical look. If you didn't know better with how much he's been looking forward to this and planned to cook dinner and all, you could almost think he forgot to get you a present. "Uh, I've been planning to go see Sock for a bit before dinner."

Bro 12:08 AM

"Don't need you gone too long."  Sip your coffee.  "Just long enough to get your gift in here and set up without spoilin the wholeass thing for you."

Dave 12:11 AM

"Yeah, I can head out after noon and come back with Sock later."

Bro 12:13 AM

"Sounds good to me."  You look pointedly to Hal then and say, "Gonna need your help with it, but I'll give your your present then, too."

Hal 12:16 AM

"Oh? Looking forwards to that one, babe." You aren't saying anything about how you can't wait for the birthday sausages you were promised, and Dave better appreciate that.

Dave 12:18 AM

They're saying enough already and you just roll your eyes. "Try not to do the giving presents on the kitchen table" you just say. And then proceed to try and make Nak Jr. ride on the robot horse.

Hal 12:22 AM

"Of course not, dad. We'd never." You can roll your eyes just as good.  Watching him play with the robots makes you smile though.

Bro 12:24 AM

It makes you smile too, though you make no such promises.

[lliaq]

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I guess it’s finally time to make some changes.

TL;DR: not purely a SPN blog anymore, ‘not spn’ tag goes away, not going to turn multifandom but you might see more animals, nature pictures and random shitposts (basically what it’s already been for a little while now), gonna be cleaning up my dash and unfollowing some people (nothing personal)

horribly long winded explanation below

A few weeks ago I opened tumblr, as one does, and scrolled for a bit and saw some spn related news and the only thing crossing my mind was “huh I really don’t care anymore” and that was kind of a bittersweet realization.

This show has been with me for literally half of my life. I started watching when I was 12 and I’m 24 now. That’ actually crazy to think about. Without getting too personal, my teenage years were pretty turbulent and SPN was the one thing that was always there, the only solid, steady thing that didn’t change - and I honestly don’t know where I would be today without it, or if I would be here at all.

You know, looking at it now it’s hilarious, but I was actually a Sam!girl in the beginning - how the times have changed. I mean I was 12 and thought he was cute lmao, but then I get older and more observant and I started seeing myself in Dean a lot more, and he’s always going to have a special place in my heart. I mean, personal feelings aside, he’s such a great and multi-faceted character. For someone who loves stories that’s always something I’m going to be drawn to.

Supernatural also taught me English. Obviously, I didn’t learn only through SPN, but it did help a great deal. I actually remember, 4x05 was the first time ever I watched something in english without german subtitles and I was so confused. I could barely keep up lol But I stuck with it and eventually got to the point where I could just watch the episodes as they aired, instead of waiting for dubs and being like 2 years behind - so hooray for that

It also led me to video editing back in the day (good ol’ windows movie maker days), and then again many years later. It inspired me to learn how to make graphics and gifs and draw. It’s given me a way to express myself through a variety of mediums, something that I’ll always be grateful for.

I actually kind of stopped watching once. Like, I was still watching, but it was more of a “it’s running in the background while I’m doing other stuff” kinda thing, you know. So I just missed a lot, but it was still there in my life, still present. I don’t remember exactly when this was, but I think it was somewhere around the end of S7/beginning of S8, and I didn’t get really back into it until early S11. I was going through a rough patch - and guess who was there, just like all the times before? Yup, SPN. So I rewatched everything from S1 and then I binge-watched convention panels and that was the first time I’d laughed in months.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to properly put into words how important this show has been for me throughout such formative years of my life, and later when I was struggling. The way I used to watch Baby when I was feeling anxious because the way it was shot made me feel like I was there in the car and it made me feel safe during a time when I didn’t even feel safe in my own home, or the way Carry on My Wayward Son hits me with a full blast of over a decade worth of emotions every time I hear the opening chords. It’s a lot of little things like that that have accumulated over the years into something beyond words.

But - things change, they always do. And look, I don’t want this getting into wank territory, but I also want to be honset. The direction that Dabb has taken the show is too far removed from what it used to be. I think he’s an okay writer, and I think he’s a bad showrunner. Those are two completely different pairs of shoes and I don’t think the second one is right for him. But that is just my opinion. At the end of the day, it is what it is, and whatever Dabb is doing - it just isn’t for me. So I’m taking a step back, maybe two.

Keeping up a blog solely dedicated to something that I’m barely interested in anymore just seems like a collosal waste of time and energy and I just don’t want to do it anymore.

As a result, I’ll no longer be tagging things as “not spn”. I will still tag other shows/movies accordingly, altough I don’t think you’ll be seeing that much of those anyway - I’m not really active in that many other fandoms. Most likely it’ll just be less Supernatural and more pictures of cute animals and scenery, shitposts and some other odd things here and there. Basically, I’m going back to what this was before SPN took over. Either way tho - if that is not your cup of tea, or if the tag change is an issue for you, feel free to unfollow me, no hard feelings And speaking of unfollowing: I’ll be doing that as well, because I just want less SPN on my dash (especially stuff that isn’t Dean). So if we’re mutuals and I unfollowed you: it’s nothing personal. I just want to be happy with the content on my dashboard again. As far as content creation goes, I’m not sure yet. Frankly, SPN has been the very opposite of inspiring for me for a while now, but we’ll see what S14 brings, I guess.

Okay, this got way longer than I intended (not that I’m surprised) but I guess it was nice to just say this all before I move on.

It’s been a wild ride, Supernatural, and you’ll always have a place in my heart, but it’s time. Thank you for everything

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Home Edition 4/7/20 – ENDINGS BEGINNINGS, ABE and More (Sorry. No MY SPY.)

Boooooo … this week would have been when the Tribeca Film Festival was supposed to start, but I barely had a chance to go through the movies that were gonna play there when COVID-19 hit, and it was quickly cancelled. Apparently, they’re doing some sort of online festival this week, but apparently, they decided to wait until Friday afternoon to tell press who had already applied that they needed to reapply by Monday morning. If you didn’t receive or see this important Email, and I didn’t, then you were basically fucked in terms of covering the festival. That being said, this will be only the second time in 17 years that I didn’t cover Tribeca, and since they won’t even respond to Emails trying to fix this, I guess that means we’re done here. 

This was also the week when, at one point, Universal/DreamWorks Animation’s Trolls World Tour was supposed to open but I saw it last week via screener and liked it more than the first movie. I tweeted about it here:

https://twitter.com/EDouglasWW/status/1248685996612489217

Of course, STX’s My Spy was gonna open this weekend after many delays and that now will be streaming on Amazon instead, so that’s just the way things seem to be going. Who knows when any of us will have any sort of box office to report on, especially with AMC filing for bankruptcy and possibly not making it until studios decide to release movies theatrically again? (The earliest possibility seems to be July at this point.)

This week’s Featured Movie is Drake Doremus’ new film ENDINGS, BEGINNINGS (Samuel Goldwyn), starring Shailene Woodley, who is quite fantastic as Daphne, a thirty-something L.A. woman – and honestly, having interviewed Woodley for Alexander Payne’s The Descendants, I have just as hard a time fathoming that she’s even closer to her 30s as I did believing 34-year-old Alexandra Daddario as someone in her 20s in last week’s We Summon the Darkness. Regardless, Daphne is trying to get over a heartbreaking break-up with a man who was also her boss, and she quickly gets into relationships with two men, Jack and Frank, played by Jamie Dornan and Sebastian Stan, who also happen to be friends, creating a tough love triangle.

The fact that Doremus opened this film with the Cocteau Twins was a good sign, and I do have to say that the music throughout the film is fantastic, but really, it’s more about Woodley and the fact that Doremus is returning to a more improvised style of filmmaking ala his earlier film, Like Crazy, which was one of my favorites. I do think that Woodley’s talent elevates her performance well above her male co-stars, who at times, frankly, I couldn’t keep track of which was which. (Dornan’s Irish accent gave it away most of the time.) But I liked how Doremus explores one woman trying to make decisions about her life and relationships, showing how hard it is to do that sometimes.

Endings, Beginnings is on Digital on Friday and then On Demand starting May 1. I honestly don’t know the difference between the two. I probably should figure it out, huh?

Another movie I quite enjoyed that’s on Demand and Digital this Friday is Brazilian documentarian Fernando Grostein Andrade’s first narrative feature, the family comedy ABE (Blue Fox Entertainment), starring Noah Schnapp (from Stranger Things), Seu Jorge, Mark Margolis and Dagmara Dominczyck. Schnapp plays 12-year-old Abe, a Brooklyn ‘tween and a diehard foodie with his own blog and desires to be a chef. His main goal in the year leading up to his Bar Mitzvah is to cook the perfect meal to bring his half-Jewish and half-Palestinian family together in harmony. He gets some helping learning the ropes from Seu Jorge as a Brazilian food cart chef who takes under his wing, but Abe has his work cut out for him as his grandparents and other relatives can never agree on anything.

Listen, this is a pretty simple premise but that helps make Andrade’s film so much easier to enjoy.  I feel that this is a movie that probably would have done quite well on the film festival circuit (when there was one) since it’s a crowd-pleasing film that gives a very different look into the Israel-Palestine conflict from a Brazilian outsider, as well as in the guise of a warm non-confrontational coming-of-age film that should appeal greatly to foodies. I actually liked Schnapp in this role, mainly because he’s surrounded by such solid actors, including one of my personal faves, Mark Margolis, as his Israeli grandfather. Abe is the type of movie that may have gone completely overlooked in any other environment but actually keeps your attention through its warmth and pleasing storytelling that can bring those going through these hard times a smile or two. It’s not exactly reinventing the wheel or redefining “cinema” but it’s a good film to watch with the family you may now be cooped up with. (Probably for kids around Abe’s age so 11 and up?)

Next up is That Evening Sun director Scott Teems’ THE QUARRY (Lionsgate), a thriller based on Damon Galgut’s novel, starring Shea Whigham as a drifter who kills a travelling preacher and takes his place in a smalltown while being under suspicion of the police chief, played by Michael Shannon. The movie also stars Oscar nominee Catalina Sandino Moreno, and with those three alone, I really wanted to like this movie, but it was really dull and never really got me interested in any of the characters, which is especially a shame since Whigham is such a good actor, but this movie just didn’t do anything for me… at all.

Available now via VOD and on DVD/BluRay on April 28 is Tyler Cornack’s bizarre comedic (?) thriller BUTT BOY (Epic Pictures) -- co-written, directed and starring Cornack. To be honest, it’s the type of movie that is just too weird for its own good. I have to be honest that the movie’s title scared me, and if I read the actual premise beforehand, I might have been even more bothered about watching it then I was already just from the title. Okay, so Cornack plays Chip Gutchel, a married IT worker who becomes obsessed with anal probing after a proctology exam. A dog disappeared and then a baby but years later, a child disappears from Chip’s job, and the detective on the case (Tyler Rice), who is also being sponsored by Gutchel in AA, suspects that the missing child has gone up Gutchel’s … well, I don’t have to spell it out. This is one of those WHAT THE HOLY FUCK movies like The Greasy Strangler and Lemon that I immediately wondered (and apologies to the podcast of the same name) “How did this movie get made?!” While I felt the same way about the premise for the recent Swallow when I first learned about it, that movie was actually really good.  I knew as soon as it became obvious what was happening that I had absolutely zero need to watch a movie about a guy who is able to suck things up his own ass. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a competently-made genre film but as it became clearer and clearer where it was going, I was getting more and more queasy about the whole concept. So yeah, I wouldn’t recommend this to my worst enemy, and I’m guessing most people will feel the same but there’s a lot of boredom out there, so who knows?

Wow, that’s it? Four movies? Sheesh…

STREAMING AND CABLE

At this point, it almost seems silly to break this column down into sections ‘cause everything is gonna hit your computer and/or TV sets until theaters finally reopen. Note: I haven��t seen any of the movies or series below.

Streaming on FX on Hulu Wednesday (today!) is the new mini-series Mrs. America, starring Cate Blanchett as Phyllis Schlafly, “the sweetheart of the silent majority,” a woman who is fighting back against women like Gloria Steinem (played by Rose Byrne!) and others who were pushing for the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) in the 70’s. The amazing cast includes Margo Martindale, Uzo Aduba, Elizabeth Banks, Tracey Ullman, “sweetheart of FX” Sarah Paulson, Melanie Lynskey and yes, there is at least one man, played by John Slattery. The showrunner is Dahvi Waller from Mad Men, too, so this should be an entertaining watch, and I’m definitely on board.

Lots of stuff on Netflix this week but not necessarily anything that’s been on my radar, like the new docu-series, The Innocence Files, which is exec. produced and directed by a number of impressive filmmakers like Liz Garbus, Alex Gibney and Roger Ross Williams. Debuting on Wednesday (today!), it looks eight cases of wrongful conviction and what the Innocence Project has done to try to get their cases overturned. This is a subject that has really interested me, although I liked last year’s Brian Banks more than Just Mercy.  The Innocence Project is just such an amazing organization with what they’re doing to help those who can’t help themselves go up against the deeply injust criminal justice system, so this is definitely one I’ll be watching.

There are a few new features on Netflix on Friday, none of which I’ve seen but hopefully will be enticing viewing. The three new ones include the German film, Rising High, written and directed by Cüneyt Kaya, starring David Kross (not the comedian) as Viktor Stein and Gerry Falkand as Frederick Lau, two real estate moguls who get sucked into their wealth by defrauding the bank, losing sight of reality.

There’s also the French crime film, Earth and Blood (La Terre et Le Sange), from filmmaker Julien Leclerq about a sawmill owner named Saïd (Sami Bouajila) and his 18 year old daughter Sarah (Sofia Lesaffre) trying to sell his factory, not realizing that one of his apprentices hid cocaine in there, forcing father and daughter to face tough gangsters who want their drugs back.

Brazilian superstar Wagner Moura and Ana de Armas from Knives Out star in Greg Barker’s Sergio, a film about Sergio Viera de Mello, the UN diplomat who is ready to resign and spend time with his wife before he’s assigned to a mission in Baghdad just as the US invasion of 2003, and he’s crushed under a wall when a bomb blasts the UN headquarters.

Amazon Studios will be debuting Tayarisha Poe’s debut feature, SELAH AND THE SPADES, on Amazon Prime Video Friday. It takes place at Haldwell, an elite Pennsylvania board school run by five factions. It stars Lovie Simone as 17-year-old Selah Summer, who runs the most dominant group, the Spades, who caters to supply students with alcohol and pills. As tension builds between the factions, Selah’s right hand BFF Maxxie (Jharrel Jerome) has a new boyfriend, so Selah needs to find a new protégé.

Next week, more movies not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!