#my friends from today and yesterday
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what kind of underwear do you think Erik and Charles wear (i'm not asking this to see them half naked) ((please believe me)) (((PLEASE)))
My Personal Belief is charles is a briefs guy while erik's a trunks guy. trunks/briefs kinda couple because i can
and idk just a lil bonus or somethin. as i do.
#nsft#probably. again A Promotion Would Be In Order From Me Personally but WHATEVER.#cherik#im too tired to tag everything ok this post'll find its people#snap sketches#not too tired for a tag ramble tho eUUGGHHH#i HAVE to post the second bit now or ill be editing it all night and for what. i will live#and my silly ass said i wouldnt draw that reading idea. well guess what im a LIAR who LIES.#i do wanna revisit that proper tho .. at least draw em by the fireplace someday but anyway#i think the funny thing is i had like. plans to draw charles in purple briefs just cause he wore them once and i chortled Unreasonably#so here we are. youll have to forgive me my friend i have a condition called If I Get An Excuse To Draw I Will#it is a very serious condition cause i need to SLEEEEPP truly and honestly locking in later i HAVE to#leaving all of you with this for the next idk twelve hours thats crazy#all i want to do is draw but i feel my eyes . Getting Weird and i have exams so i guess i should be a responsible person and sleep#i actually have a lot i need to catch up on so like. i prob wont be back on until this weekend when im Hopefully more free#'snap didnt you say that last night' I HAVE TO BE SERIOUS THIS TIME i got a lot. so i will see everyone saturday Hopefully#please give me the strength to focus for once thank you#for now good night everyone !!! please enjoy my doodlings from today. yesterday. i must not make any more for now
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[through gritted teeth, with fists clenched]
When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed, when you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, COUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS, NAME THEM ONE BY ONE, AND IT WILL SURPRISE YOU WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE-
#I AM GOING TO BE HOPEFUL#I AM GOING TO COUNT MY BLESSINGS#1. got a free smore today#2. i have a backup laptop [my usual laptop charger got water damage yesterday]#3. i got sick a couple months ago so i already have all the cold + flu medicine i need from last time [am sick]#4. i have a friend group of socialist mormons who are going through the same thing as me right now#5. i have brazilian citizenship so worst case scenario i move to Acre and you never see me again#6. i have running water. i love water#7. i had a potato for second breakfast today#8. it is cold outside but i am in a warm room#9. i am going to stay alive no matter what#10. the Lord understands me even when nobody else in this Goshawful red state does#tumblrstake#lds#mormon#sparrow squawks#humor
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fast sketch of my one-shot with Ominisš
legilimency
Word count: 1.700
Rating: M (language)
Ominis Gaunt is a lost case - lost to the whims of one very determined Gryffindor sitting at his side.
They sit in the back of the History of Magic classroom, the only two students not lulled to somnolence by their professor. He: trying his hardest to focus on Professor Binnsā droning (easier said than done). She: trying her hardest to distract Ominis while not being entirely sure of being successful or not (easier attempted than understood).
Professor Binns is completely insufferable, of course. Ominis wonders if the ghost is as blind as he is: Binns willfully ignores the fact that all of his students use his class as an excuse to get a nap in (maybe he simply doesnāt see them sleeping - only one of many reasons why Ominis has decided he could never be a professor), rambling on and on in the most boring way possible. As if he were trying to be as dull as possible (maybe he does it to avoid interacting with the students whichā¦canāt be to blame). In a different life, Ominis could see himself quite liking the subject, but as things stand he despises it.
Especially now.
Ominis fervently wishes that he could fall asleep.
Then, he might avoid hearing her thoughts - theyāre consuming him and he canāt ignore them as much as he would like to.
Normally, he loves this class - not the subject, obviously - but the class itself, for the sheer fact that it is the only time where he gets some peace and quiet. Everyoneās minds nice and quiet and shut off for the time being while they sleep. Although he has gotten used to ignoring the thoughts of everyone around him, their various voices mixing and mingling with each other into a dull thrum in the back of his mind, it is nice to have some quiet once in a while.
But right now, with everyone asleep except for the Gryffindor at his side, her thoughts are so loud itās like sheās screaming at him.
So here he is, wishing he could fall asleep, leave the class, maybe turn off the infernal legilimency that has haunted him his whole life.
(His parents and Marvolo insist itās a gift handed down from Slytherin himself, just like the Parseltongue Ominis despises. It is not. It is a curse.)
He is stuck listening to her.
It doesnāt help that she seems to have caught on to him - something he had managed to avoid until now. Nobody else, not even Sebastian or Anne, has ever suspected a thing. But, in all fairness, those two are extremely loud and say every single thought that passes through their minds out loud even when they should remain quiet, and nobody else has had the opportunity to spend enough time with Ominis to begin to suspect anything.
Until her.
He had to go and let that blasted girl worm her way into his life, not leaving him alone ever, always looking for excuses to talk and ask his opinion, and being so intelligent that he wanted to invite her to study with him and talk with him andā¦
Since it happened a few nights ago, he hasnāt stopped cursing himself for that stupid offhand comment he made. They had been studying in silence in the library together, by the history books where nobody else ever ventures (thank you, Professor Binns), and he could have sworn that she asked him if he was finally going to walk her back to her common room (he blames a lack of sleep and wishful thinking for this mishap). His traitorous face had flushed and he had jumped at the chance to escort her - maybe she would let him carry her bag, orā¦ - only to feel his whole body go cold and his stomach drop when her response wasnāt what heād expected.
A pause: then: a confused voice: āOminis, I didnāt say anything.ā
His Gryffindor wasnāt stupid like Gryffindors were normally wont to be. He knew her, and he knew that after his monumental mistake, the gears in her brain were turning and he was terrified that somehow she had figured it out.
(His Gryffindor?)
She had been unusually quiet around him since then, although he bitterly noticed that she was still acting normally with everyone else. Still finding every opportunity to punch Sebastian in the shoulder and laugh with Anne, still whispering with Natsai about Merlin knows what, stillā¦
But she had been avoiding Ominis. He couldnāt stand it.
Well, avoiding him right until this stupid class, when she had to go and sit right next to him (ignoring the fact that she always sits next to him in History of Magic, that everyone already has and adheres to their unofficial seats), and he canāt ignore her.
Sheās pretending to take studious notes, but he knows better. The scratching of her quill blending with the droning of Professor Binnsā voice but not drowning out her thoughts. They float above the other noises, her voice sweet and piercing. Ominis wonders vaguely what sheās actually writing, because heās positive it isnāt notes.
Professor Binns looks so sexy right now with his medieval hat, talking aboutā¦whatever it is heās passionate about. I wonder if he would let me talk to him after class without floating through me like he normally doesā¦
Ominis is determined not to react. Sheās obviously trying to bait him. Butā¦what if she is attracted to Professor Binns? Is he an attractive man? At the thought, the fist thatās resting on top of his desk clenches, but he works to make sure his face remains impassive. Apart from a twitch of his lips, he thinks heās been quite successful.
She: huffing and shifting in her chair, her robes rustling as she crosses her legs. He: keeping his head facing forward, steadfastly ignoring her.
She changes tactics.
Maybe sheās just as insufferable as the other Gryffindors, after all.
I wonder what Ominis would say if he knew I woke up moaning today after a dream about him -
He shifts slightly in his seat, hoping that sheās so busy taking notes (whoās he kidding) that she wonāt notice his discomfort as his trousers tighten -
ā¦the girls in my dorm have been bothering me nonstop about who Iāve been mooning over but I donāt want them toā¦
His hand is in such a tight fist itās a wonder heās not breaking any fingers as he tries to remain as still as possible, but his traitorous arousal is making her thoughts harder and harder to ignore. Had he ever been able to ignore her?
ā¦his tongue was deep inside me as I screamed his nameā¦
He feels his face heat up at the thought - where had she learned such vulgar language? - and his whole body stiffens. Heās sure that she can feel the tension and warmth radiating off of him in waves but thatā¦sheā¦his insane little lion keeps shouting at him in the silence of the classroom. Sheās now stopped all pretense of taking notes and is sitting stock still.
ā¦his cock deep inside of me asā¦waitā¦what else did I hear Garreth say to Leander that night?ā¦umā¦ She shifts uncomfortably, her knee grazing Ominisās as she moves to squeeze her legs together. Itās all he can do to not groan and remain impassive. Oh godā¦Iā¦whatās that feeling? This was just supposed to get back at him for probably - maybe - reading my thoughts and Iām officially insane because how would he even be able to do that?ā¦his ears turning red from embarrassment are so adorable and I canāt stand this anymore andā¦
Ominis tries his hardest not to move his head in her direction. His jaw flexes. Maybe he can drown her out if he starts reciting potions ingredients, or if he focuses on what Professor Binns is saying, but even he knows its futile. Heās hanging on to her every word - thought? - and his head slowly turns in her direction as she keeps going.
ā¦does he know how much I think about him? Oh god, what if he dreams of me the same way Iā¦
He slams the open book in front of him shut, the loud noise causing Sebastian to jerk awake and babble incoherently for a moment before slumping back over his desk, drooling and snoring lightly. Nobody else in the class seems to notice except her of course. Blissfully, she has stopped talking - thinking - and he can finally -
Itās no use. He needs to get out of there. She has invaded his mind andā¦What if she starts up again with her filthy thoughts that are bleeding into his own and -
Did he hear me? I didnāt actually thinkā¦oh god, can he hear me now? What have I done?
Ominis very slowly brings his hand over to where he knows hers is. The quill falls out of her hand and he hears a sharp intake of breath at their contact. His fingers trace her knuckles and then he slowly trails them up her arm. His fingertips are so sensitive that he could swear that he feels every thread that he passes, her skin warm and alive underneath the fabric. Then to her neck, her throat bobs and he feels her erratic heartbeat. Finally, he reaches her face. She remains very, very still as his fingers brush over her features for the first time.
He has never touched someone like this before.
Her skin is like velvet, soft everywhere he touches. Now that he knows what it feels like heās not sure he can go back to before. His fingers trace the curve of her eyebrows - he finds that her nose is straight before it flares up a tiny bit at the tip - his fingers ghost over her impossibly soft lips. He drags his thumb across her bottom lip as her tongue darts out to wet them. Itās impossibly intimate and the world has melted away and itās just the two of them in that moment.
He leans forward.
āOminis, Iā¦ā she whispers, stricken.
His hand moves to tuck some of her loose hair away from her face - does she always wear it like this? - and his lips brush against her ear. He inhales deeply, her sweet smell invading his senses. She shivers under his touch and he breathes, āI heard everything.ā
#bahahahahahahahah I need to practice drawing Ominis MOREš¹#he is just SO DIFFICULT IDK WHAT IT ISšš#anyways I LOVE writing his POV!!!! & I hope I did him justiceš#I havenāt really read any HL fanfic ever & nothing from Ominis so idk how people normally think of him#but this is my versionšš#hope you all have/are having a good weekend!!#spent yesterday at the beach with my niece/nephew (3&8) and we built intricate sandcastles for our hermit crab army#then played board games all afternoon#& today my friend visits from 11am to 8pm and we are going to yap all dayšššš#should I post more of my writing????? tbh I started writing before these fan artsš
#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#Ominis gaunt#ominis gaunt fanfiction#ominis gaunt fanart#hogwarts legacy fanfic#this is an unnamed mc as of now but since she is also goi g to be in the longer fic I write I need to think of one#Iām open to suggestions!!!!! I was thinking Rosieš„¹ but IDK#ominis gaunt x mc
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my boy has a profound sadness that no smile can erase
#the day i decide on a singular style is the day when red snow falls from the sky#and probably when ill start studying anatomy and drawing techniques properly#which is... not today#i almost lost my best friend yesterday so i felt like halfway finishing this wip that was in my folders for a week#anyway. take this wobbly grayscale sketch until i get my shit together#voltron#vld#lance mcclain#lance#lance vld#voltron legendary defender#my art
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entered the post breakup stage where im apparently now listening to noah kahan. i have managed to avoid this mans music for years how is this happening.
#ALSO i know its conan gray but one of my friends send me a reel yesterday that said id like to thank my partner for breaking up with me just#in time for the third of december#cause the song heather#and i nearly threw something#(i did listen to it tho)#not a tag#from saph#anyway long winded way of saying that ive listened to stick season 5 times already today#i woke up like a half hour ago
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#it was a hard day today.#sometimes you just gotta cry for an hour about requiring significant assistance to do basic stuff that you don't actually have help with rn!#(my wife is working 6 12s at a job we had to move across the country for)#(which means 1 she is *exhausted* at *all* times and struggling to even meet her own needs)#(and 2 our other partner and all our family and friends are. multiple days away by car. so they can't come help.)#it's getting hard to even stick leftovers in the microwave for myself but no one else is able to cook for me.#it sucks.#(we're moving again in june because this was a 1-year position from the beginning)#(and the idea is for our other partner to move in with us which will help a lot)#(plus my wife should be switching to a reliably 5-day week at that time)#(but we don't know where we're going for another month and a half.)#(so we can't really do any groundwork or anything to make that happen.)#(and having zero agency other than sitting and waiting and getting worse alone Really Sucks!)#I guess this is a bit of a secret part two to yesterday's meducation lol#favorites
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So the election is done. Thatā¦ is certainly something. Iām personally not thrilled, but I have so much work to do I donāt have time to be depressed right now.
In other news, I got an 88 on my last physics exam. So thereās something to be happy about.
#woke up this morning to a ton of texts from my friends#oh well#weāll persevere#us politics#us election 2024#election 2024#us elections#donald trump#kamala harris#Iām shockingly in a better mood today than I was yesterday#Iāll probably have a breakdown later#I might just be disconnected from reality#did so well on my exam my professor remembered
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i love reading haikyuu tiktok shipping discourse comment sections. it's so entertaining seeing so many people with such bad taste.
#it's always the exact same shit every time too#āname a ship everyone ships but you hateā and it's always kurootsukki oikage atsuhina and tsukkikage#like with the amount of times i've seen those ships mentioned in that context i'm starting to believe that NO ONE ships them actually#how is atsuhina hate so common when 2AM mac n cheese literally exists#everyone's excuse is always 1 of 3 things: āi ship kagehinaā āi ship sakuatsuā or āthey're just friendsā#guys... i hate to be the bearer or bad news.... but all three of these things can coexist#you can ship atsuhina AND sakuatsu AND kagehina... AND atsuhina can be besties#i mean i'm out here shipping tobio with half the fucking cast#these aren't real people. it's all about what makes you the happiest at that given moment#today i ship tsukikage. yesterday i shipped kagehina. tomorrow i will probably ship yamakage. WHO GIVES A FUCK#it boggles my mind that there are people out there who won't consider any other ship because they've already set their mind on one#HAIKYUU HAS AN INSANE LINEUP. YOU CAN'T SHIP JUST ONE#i saw someone who was scared to admit they shipped suna and atsumu......... guys#it's not that serious i promise#ALSO THE TERUYAMA HATE I SAW#āthey haven't even metā BOOOOOORINGGGGG BOO BOO TOMATO TOMATO#fuck it. i'm gonna start shipping kiyoko with kanoka. kanokiyo. my new otp#kanokiyoyachi. my new fave ship. 100k mutual pining hurt/comfort slowburn coming soon to an ao3 page near you#we need to release ourselves from the chains of hatred and start getting crazier with this cast#haikyuu has too much shipping potential for y'all to be shipping the same 5 ships#lets get poly with it. shall we?#THE KAGEHINATSUKKIYAMA GRIND STARTS NOWšŖ#ASADAISUGA GANG WE RIDE AT DAWNš£ļø#ATSUHINAKAGE AND/OR ATSUOIKAGE BRETHEREN WE DEPART AT HIGH NOONš„#FUKUYAKUKUROKEN SHIPPERS OUR TIME IS NOWš¦#sigh.......... you guys get it#volleyball guys
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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regretetober day 2: elevator!
included one of my frands here :] promptlist by @/nilawafer_art!
#bulletin board#regretevator#roblox#gnarpy#day three will also be coming today!!! i just so happened to fall off my horse yesterday so ofc i was busy doing that LOLLLL#ill be adding more cameos from friends too!! if anyone here wants to be included lmk :3#regretetober
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when i have something anxiety inducing down the road itās like i am paralyzed until itās overā¦ terrible. I know that i shouldnāt worry like itās really the YOLO of it all that happens happened for a good reason but i canāt help it my tachycardia is louder
#my friends were like will we go out yesterday and today and i was like no i canāt. why? Need to wallow in the anxiety for the rest of the#day godddd whatever. i have 4 more posts from heyteo hallelujah#and i need to like. write everything down i think that will calm me down#and i am going to the pool tomorrow for sure i need to meditate#tt
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.
#hi besties ive been gone awhile yet again. im drowning in work brrr#my uni + visa requires a bunch of medical tests which means i need to combat needles yet again š#also went shopping yesterday and yhe day before and it was not an enjoyable processšbut! i managed to get clothes i actually like so yay!#my gre prep and internship work is so-so... i dont have a lot of time to wrap them up... lets see#also its cricket t20 world cup season which is like my bread and butter xD#we won the match last night! today is Afg vs Ban and we are all rooting for Afg to win so that Aus doesn't enter the semis š„²#(the Aus cricket team is insane/pos and i loveeee them but cmon home country comes first xD)#dad and I are watching the match live from the hospital lmaoo#anyway thats what's up with me i hope i get back to tumblr properly sometime and actually get to go through some of my besties' blogs soon#bc my dashboard doesn't show any of my friends :((#megumi in the tags
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so far i have not had 30 spare minutes today but i have had two minute gaps where i keep glancing at the amanda lehan canto and smosh tag and then having silent, furious joy-induced meltdowns over the stuff im seeing from WWAD. im chewing through my walls (silently and internally bc i am in a professional setting). u all thought i was posting hard yesterday. u havent seen anything yet.
#in case its not clear i have the capacity to go So Feral over friendships in a way that can take over my body and soul and yesterdays video#and todays one are really. i really. jfc#amanda putting angela down for answers... angela stressing over getting thinga right.... knowing friends and being known.................#im losing my shit and i HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE VIDEO YET. i saw the clipof angela sahing she gets competituve about loving her friends and#showing them she listens and wanted to bite my phone in half.#ive also had some caffeine. that probably isnt helping. but this is mostly just genuine feral-ness from loving friendship#smosh#amanda lehan canto#angela giarratana#amangela
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five stages of grief but itās five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew itās from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that itās very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year iāve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so weāve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and iām not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and itās EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: canāt stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didnāt reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didnāt talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc itās the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didnāt say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that āthey forgotā what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to āsurpriseā me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now iām second guessing everything theyāre saying bc i thought we were friends and thereās no reason why friends canāt send each other#flowers or whatever but theyāve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#iām never outright romantic with anyone?? plus weāre FRIENDS i should have no reason to think thatās changed#but theyāre being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i donāt NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and theyāre like no itās serious bro whatās serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they donāt reply straight up in their next texts iām gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah iām overthink getting flowers bc whatās the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think theyāre from a partner or something
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as of ten minutes ago we are officially Joblessā¢ļø. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi
#pennforyourthoughts#personal#someone rb this with silly tags i feel it deserves some levity#warning: novel-length tags lmfao#THEY TOLD ME TODAY MY LAST DAY IS FRIDAY? that's only two whole workdays for me HELLO??#knew it was coming bc they let my friend go two weeks ago and he had more seniority than me but jfc#at least let me ride out the contract till november. WHY. i JUST went back to uni i need money goddamn it#full disclosure tho i haven't been able to stop laughing bc so much of the surrounding circumstances are insanely funny to me#1) i was LITERALLY at a job fair yesterday and I almost considered not going bc I was so damn tired#surprisingly made some really great connections so ty universe now i have people to poke in the coming months#2) i switched from part time to ft course load at the last second and have been regretting it ever since but if im to be unemployed then#MAYBE now I can actually handle the uni workload :D#3) when my boss called me she asked how ive been and i told her i was sooo sick last week and got into a car accident#that same day omw back from uni (universal karma for skipping class for my health ig)#THE WAY SHE PAUSED ON CALL IS SO FUNNY IN RETROSPECT. was prolly thinking fuck. now i have to add to this#she literally went āomg im so sorry...anyways i have bad newsā#im not even lying when i say i was GIGGLING through that whole call she was so concerned#love her bc she genuinely tried to fight for me and is the reason i wasn't let go two weeks ago but man. the timing is impeccable#also don't think i get any unemployment benefits bc i was temp contract and my situation as a whole is a bit complicated so YAY :DDD#the way i ran to my bestie to spill the tea & we're over here like š¤ fired buddies š¤ time to speed run job interviews while juggling uni
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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