#my friends and i where talking about how many opportunities my childhood had to make me a furry because of the media i consumed

[ghostly-bastard-artchive]

Feeling a little silly goofy

[purplec1oud]

"be my, be my baby!"

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✿`°k.tetsurou x reader

summary: you've had the biggest crush on kuroo but never got the courage to ask him out, luckily you had kenma who you could trust with it and rant to. He eventually got tired of u not making the first move he decided to take matters in his own hands.

warnings: none, just pure fluff

word count: 1.2k

song: be my baby–ariana grande°`☆▪︎♥︎

note: this is my first time writing so pls bear with me :,D

OKAY LET'S DO THIS

"I still don't get what you see in him so much." Kenma casually spat out while you two were facetiming. Even tho Kuroo was his childhood friend he didn't understand much of the hype of you being that much in love with him. "oh come on, he's a great guy. Plus he helps me with chemistry." you said thinking about the many times he helped you out with certain chem lessons cuz you weren't on good terms with the subject. Something about the way he explained it to you, his voice like music to your ears while explaining really made you develop a crush.

While talking, Kenma stared into his screen as his eyes moves from the left to the right. "Kuroo texted me" he said. "Really what did he say?" "He's asking if we want to hang out tomorrow. Looks like he wants to go to the carnival" "That sounds fun! I'd love to go" you said excitingly since you always used to love going on the rides and enjoying the food. You noticed a small smile on Kenma's mouth all of a sudden but decided not to think so much of it.

The 3 of you decided to meet up at the entrance. Making your way up to the entrance of the carnival you saw Kuroo standing there on his phone waiting, "gosh he looks so handsome" you thought to yourself as you slowly walked up to him. He lifted up his head and immediately smiled, greeting you. You two chatted, while waiting for Kenma to arrive so you all can go have fun. Tho it seemed that he had other plans-you suddenly got a text and opened to see it was from him. "hey sorry I can't make it something came up last minute :(" your heart sank knowing you have to now spend time with the guy you have a crush on, all alone and also knowing that you can be very awkward time to time.

"Where is this guy?" Kuroo sighed, looking around. You took a deep breath and told him that he won't be able to make it and that he has texted you. "Oh that's unfortunate. Well we can still have fun together!" Despite having moments like these where something ruins a plan, Kuroo always managed to still put a smile on people's faces. You smiled softly, nodding as you both walked in. And honestly you have to admit that it still went amazing. You were looking at the sunset as you and Kuroo decided to go on the ferris wheel before you both went home. What you didn't know was that Kuroo has been staring at you with such love in those eyes of his-he didn't even realises he was smiling like an idiot, ear to ear.

"The sunset is very beautiful, isn't it Tetsu?" saying that while you decided to start taking a few pictures of it. "It sure is" Kuroo answered still completely out of touch, just staring at your beautiful hair since your back was facing him. "Look at these pict-" you turned around only to catch him off guard. Kuroo immediately looked away, face getting red from the fact that he was caught staring. You let out a slight chuckle and decided to brush it off. The confession was still on your mind and you thought that you should take this as an opportunity- i mean even if he rejected you, atleast you'll be glad that you said it and got an answer, instead of wondering. "Hey Kuroo, can I tell you smth?" He turned around, clearing his throat. "yeah ofc, what is it?" you took a deep breath and swallowed hard before- "I've actually been meaning to say this to you for the longest time but I never really knew how to. I've had a crush on you for such a long time and it's completely fine if you don't feel the same way. I just needed to get this out of my chest befo-" you got interrupted by two hands cupping your cheeks, soft lips meeting yours. You were shocked by his sudden movement that you didn't know how to react- "should you kiss him back? or push him away?" Tho the butterflies in your stomach said otherwise: making you kiss him back. He then pulled away looking into your eyes. Still being shocked and flustered you covered your face with your hands which make Kuroo chuckle showing his smug smile. "I like you too Y/N. I have for some time I just never thought you'd like me back" he admitted while scratching the back of his head.

After the ride was over you both got down and decided it was time to go home. Kuroo insisted on walking you back home, even tho you didn't live who knows how far away-needless to say you let him. As you two were walking he held your hand, enterlocking your fingers which made you smile as you looked down at them. "Thank you for tonight. I had an amazing time" you said while looking at him. "I enjoyed our time together as well. Hey..since we admitted our feelings to each other why don't I.. take you out on a date?" You could tell he was a bit shy and nervous which made you think it was the cutest thing ever. Walking up to him, you kissed his lips before saying "I'd love to go on a date with you, boyfriend"- oh boy he was done for: bright red cheeks, expression of not knowing what to say or how to act, making you laugh. "Goodnight Tetsu" you said as you walked inside of your house. "Y-yeah..goodnight" he was still speechless but after he got excited knowing you accepted his offer and walked back home happily.Plopping on your bed, opening your phone you saw you had a message.

Kenma: so how did it went? You confessed? ;)

Y/N: YES I DID OMG I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT AVHJWQKS

Kenma: ha planned worked

Y/N: wait what? Wdym by that

Kenma: I lied when I said I can't make it so you can finally confess to that rooster head and it worked. I'm proud of you Y/N :)

Y/N: KENMA YOU'RE SO EVILL :,D but thank you so much you're the best !!

<The End>

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[sinsolstice]

GIRL DAD (4)

SINGLE DAD MIGUEL X TEACHER READER (AFAB) CHAPTER FOUR SYNOPSIS: You and Miguel are getting used to the arrangements of letting Gabriella stay over for a few hours and having dinner together after school. TRACKING POST: follow #𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐝𝐚𝐝 (miguel o'hara) for new content and updates.

tags ✮  modern au, single dad miguel + afab teacher reader, found family, slight angst, eventual romance + smut. 

wc ✮ 1,449

author's note ✮ this chapter is a little shorter than my usual word count. i also want to mention that this chapter has mentions of family bereavement and domestic abuse as part of the subplot (and foreshadowing).

← part three // mlist

Since the evening you offered Miguel the opportunity to look after his daughter after school, it has been three weeks since then. 

It’s quite a change to your after-school routine, but you adapt to it within the first week of trialling. It’s a good thing to say that Gabriella feels the same way. She enjoys spending time with you after school and makes it known by how excitedly she waits for you by your desk after half-past three in the afternoon. Gabriella helps with tidying up the classroom, telling you about the conversations she has with her friends during lunch and in between lessons. You’ve always had a good relationship with the young girl, but when you take upon the responsibility of looking after her, your relationship with Gabriella turns out better. 

Gabriella is truly the epitome of a gracious child. When you invite her into your room, she goes to the kitchen to wash her hands. Then sets herself in your living room to sit close by the coffee table, laying out her homework and snacks. She does her work without supervision and occasionally asks you for help if she needs it. Gabriella falls into the routine easily too and when she is done with her homework, the two of you bond over arts and crafts or something on the telly playing in the background. 

At exactly 6pm sharp, the doorbell rings and Miguel stands at the front pouch. He would come in, thank you again for looking after his daughter, embrace Gabriella, and the three of you would make it to the dining table and share a meal. You and Miguel would take turns bringing food for dinners—you would cook on Mondays and Tuesdays, and Miguel would bring something over on Thursdays and Fridays. This new routine brings out a feeling of home and togetherness, so it’s a pleasant change of routine to your usual time living on your own. 

“What is England like, Miss?” Gabriella asks. You have informed your students when you began your teaching career about your childhood in another country. It was rather a little obvious with the slight out-of-place accent and the difference in spelling that your students pointed out. And it doesn’t seem like Miguel is surprised by the revelation as he takes a spoonful of food as Gabriella talks. 

“Well…” You think for a moment as you try to recall your life. “If we are referring to the weather, it’s very unpredictable over there in England. Sometimes it’s a burst of beautiful sunshine outside and other times, the skies are grey. From time to time, you feel little droplets of hail raining down on you out of nowhere. And sometimes, the weather is chilly too.” 

“Hail?” Gabriella repeats. 

“Hailstones,” you smile. “Like tiny crystals of ice.” 

“We haven’t been to England, haven’t we, Gabs?” Miguel says. “Maybe we should consider it one of the summers.” 

“I want to go to where they plant so many flowers,” Gabriella suggested. 

You flash Gabriella a smile when you realise the location she’s talking about. “That’s the Eden Project down south in Cornwall, at the edge of England.” You explain. “They have nice beaches there, too.” 

“Corn-wall,” Gabriella repeats slowly, with a tone of awe. “I want to go there.” 

“Maybe we should consider,” Miguel says to his daughter.  

You look at him who sits across from you, relaxed after coming back from work. “I haven’t been to Mexico before,” you say. “Or any parts of South America. Where do you guys suggest I go visit?”

Miguel and Gabriella hum as the two of them think together. Their mouths press in a thin line, the bottom of their lip sticking out a small pout. As you study their expressions, you can’t help but find them endearing the same similarities in their mannerisms. Like father, like daughter.

“If you enjoy the beaches, Tulum is a good place to start,” Miguel says. “Although it’s further down the country. Or, there’s the seaside town of Tecolutla or Acapulco Beach. They’re both about a four-hour drive from Mexico City.”  

“Acapulco!” Gabriella beamed in excitement. “I want to go there again this summer.” 

Miguel chuckles and playfully ruffles her hair. A smile blooms on your face, and the three of you eat in peace. Gabriella’s question catches your attention and you look right in front of her. “Do you talk to your mama and papa every day since they are so far away?” Gabriella asks. 

“Well,” you exhale softly. “I still talk to my siblings and my good friends from England.” 

“What about your mama?” 

Even though it has been a while, the dread of telling the story makes your stomach churn uncomfortably, no matter how you simplify or summarise the story. “My mama passed away when I was nineteen. She had been sick for a while and her body couldn’t handle it anymore.” 

Miguel looks up, and his eyes meet yours. Gabriella turns to look at him with a puzzled look and the room falls into silence that’s all too familiar. “We’re sorry to hear that.” 

“It was a while ago,” you reply with a hesitant smile. “But thank you.” 

Gabriella looks at you and although the surprise on her face lingers, there’s also curiosity like every young child has. “What about your papa?” 

“My papa,” you sigh. “I have two papas who are not nice people, so I have not spoken to them or seen them in a very long time.” 

You didn’t dare to look at Miguel when you revealed your backstory because you knew the look on his face from the corner of your eyes. Sympathy, disbelief, unsure and silent. Because how could someone like you—lively and brave—grow up with a fate so horrendous and unthinkable?  

“But,” Gabriella says, her lips downcast in a frown. She turns to look at her father, her tone quiet and glum. “Aren’t papas supposed to be good people?” 

Miguel presses his lips into a thin line. “Fathers are supposed to be good people, mija. To protect their family.” He says solemnly. “But sadly, not all fathers are like that.” 

Miguel flickers his eyes at you. He must have pieced together your history and the story of how to move to the States that you mentioned. “My condolences. I’m really sorry to hear that,” he says. “You deserve better things, and I hope you will experience them all.”  

Gabriella turns to look at you with a similar expression to Miguel’s. “I’m sorry you don’t have a mama and papa anymore.” 

“Thank you, and it’s okay.” You give them a kind smile. No one knows this about you since you’ve kept it to yourself ever since you migrated to the States on your own. Your life wasn’t the greatest in the beginning, but you made it through the dark and stormy years to make it this far. “My family and I have our differences that are sometimes different to overcome without having fights.” You explain. “But we still care for one another.” 

The dining room falls quiet. Despite it closes the end of the conversation, it feels a sense of uncertainty on how to dwell on a different topic. Although what you had to endure was a while ago, the tragedy carries within you unfathomably. 

Suddenly, Gabriella pushes back her seat and walks around the table, coming to you. Her small arms crisscross around you. “You’re my family too, miss.” 

You wrap your arms around her and embrace Gabriella with an equal force of appreciation for her kindness. You hold her and squeeze her gently, resting your cheek on top of her head. “Thank you, Gabi. That means a lot to me.” 

“You’re my favourite,” Gabi says, then turns her head to look at Miguel and grins. “After papa, of course.” 

You look at Miguel, and he chuckles, smirking at the two of you. “Glad to know that I’m still your number one favourite, mija.” 

“Then after that is Aunty Jess,” Gabi adds. She holds out three of her fingers and counts them down at every list of names she announces. “Daddy, Miss Teacher and then Aunty Jess. In that order.” 

Laughter from you and Miguel fills the dining room. Your chest warms at the thought of comfort you find yourself in—thinking of Jess, Gabriella and Miguel. The people you didn’t think you would ever meet and change your life for the better. You flicker your eyes and meet Miguel’s gaze. A smile appears on his face, reminding you of warmth and comfort that you truly didn’t have.

A flutter in your stomach made you snuggle Gabriella even more with another new physical symptom you feel in the moment; heart racing.  

aesthetic dividers are credited to cafekitsune.

author's note: sorry for the kinda sad chapter but the hurdle is over now and more chapters will be lighter and fluff :)

[brooooswriting]

hey babes. what about prompts 4, 20, 23, and 69 with tara carpenter. just looking for some hurt comfort with reader taking care/being protective over tara. thanks

4. “If I could, I would kiss all your scars away”

20. “How did you get this scar?”

23. “If even one of them touches you again, I’ll make sure they aren’t able to ever again”

69. “You’re not your past”

When you first met Tara you’d never heard about the ghost face attacks. Since your parents had a clear plan for your life, ace all your classes, do football to get a scholarship etc., you were living in your own small world.

You met Tara a bit after college start, she was in her first year while you were in your second. She was helplessly wandering around one time which was the first time you had seen her without her ‘bodyguards’ as you liked to call them. These two brunette people were always with her making it nearly impossible for you to make a move. At least until that day. You finally talked to her, offering her to walk her to her lecture.

You were the first person in months that had talked to Tara that did not want to know about the attacks and ghostface which was honestly quite refreshing. And that is how you two ended up in a relationship.

Sam doubted your innocence at first, not believing that you didn’t know about the attacks but Anika, who always knew everybody, talked to some of your friends who told her that you really were just that clueless.

So Sam started to accept you to the point where you were allowed to sleep over. That was the first time you had seen the brunette in shorter clothes as you met in the winter but the apartment was quite warm especially under the thousand blankets Tara wanted to sleep under. After you also changed into some shorts and a shirt you laid down flat on your back, Tara coming to lay against you on of her legs on top of yours, her arm wrapped around your middle and her head on your shoulder. You were quick to wrap your arm around her middle, your hand rubbing over her side and back while you watched a movie.

At some point your hand went over some scars making Tara tense up noticeably. To calm her you pressed a soft kiss to her head before sitting up a bit, you had seen the scar on her hand even before you started to date and you had counted at least four more on her back and it started to worry you.

“How’d you get these scars love?” You asked once you were leaning against the headboard. Your voice was soft and reassuring as your hand rubbed over her arm in a comforting manner.

The deep sigh tara let out and the way she sat up told you that this was going to be a long and uncomfortable discussion. But once you saw the look in her eyes you knew that it was a hard topic for her, so you opened your hand closest to her and put it on your leg giving her the opportunity to grab it for comfort whenever she wanted. “So you know where I originally come from right?” She asked you and you nodded, she had told you once very briefly before changing the topic.

“Okay, have you ever heard of ghostface?” She continued to ask, giving you a moment to think.

“Isn’t that like the villain of a horror movie or something?” The brunette in front of you chuckled lightly, wishing that she was as innocent as you were.

“Kinda yeah, but the movie is based on an actual story. All of these attacks happened in my hometown, the first ghostfaces were Billy loomis as Stu Macher. They tried to kill Billy’s girlfriend but ended up dead, since then every couple of years new people try to.. you know” she explained, her eyes fixating on the blanket that rested on top of her legs.

“Oh god, Tara. I’m so sorry, were you…?” You weren’t quite sure how to formulate what you wanted to ask but luckily for you Tara knew what you wanted to know.

“Last year it turned out that Sam’s father is Billy loomis and that made us to the top victims. So many of my friends died as… Sam’s boyfriend and my best friend decided to be the new ghostfaces. My own childhood best friend tried to kill me several times by stabbing me several times. Hence the scars” you could see some tears rolling down the younger girls face while yours was red with anger. Now it finally made sense why they wouldn’t leave Tara alone and why Sam was suspicious of you at first.

“I’m so so sorry my love, you should have never had to live through something like this. You’re so strong I hope you know that” you reassured her, your hand carefully stroking her leg.

“That isn’t all” she paused making you stop caressing her leg as you didn’t want to overwhelm her “I killed her. She tried to kill Sam again and I- I just… I shot her” she chocked out making you immediately take her into your arms, softly shushing her cries.

“It’s okay, you’re okay and Sam is okay. Everything’s fine” you whispered over and over again.

“Please don’t leave me, promise me you won’t leave me” she mumbled into the hug making you tighten your grip on her and place soft kisses on top of her head.

“I won’t. You’re not a bad person Tear bear, you’re not your past alright?! You did what you had to do to protect your family and there’s nothing wrong with that. You didn’t want to shoot her because you thought it would be fun, you did it in defense” her sobs started to calm making you take a deep breath in relief.

“And you know what?” You asked as you titled her head up so she would look at you “I’ll even do you one better than just promising you not to leave. If even one of them touches you again, I’ll make sure they aren’t able to ever again. I will promise you that too” you shot her a soft smile which she returned making your heart beat even faster.

Once she was better you laid back down and pulled her with you so she was in the same position as before. But this time you grabbed her hand with the scar on yours and brought it to your lips, pressing soft kisses to the length of it. “You know, if I could I’d kiss all your scars away” you both grinned at each other with a love sick smile before Tara leaned up to press several soft kisses to your lips. Once she was done she put her head back on your shoulder and closed her eyes, you doing the same.

And for the first night in forever, Tara felt save. Your strong arms around her made her feel like she was invisible. Oh how she hoped that you weren’t just a second Amber…

[yallthemwitches]

Not a Bang, But a Whimper

During their sixth year, Severus goes out after curfew to give information to Lily that he thinks will bring them back together. Unfortunately, he finds her already with someone else.

A companion piece to my other oneshot "Slipping Away" for Jily Week 2024, Day 7: Continuation Station (hosted by @kay-elle-cee and @sunshinemarauder) Ao3 Link Here

Curfew be damned. Severus ran down the corridor not caring how many portraits awoke from the wand’s light and his heaving breaths. He knew she would be there tonight and it was perhaps his only chance to get her alone to talk some sense into her. 

He was given the news from Avery just after dinner.  “The Dark Lord is recruiting.” Avery kept his eyes down and spoke in a quiet hiss. Even among a table of friends they couldn’t risk the information being leaked. 

Severus’ heartbeat caught. It was the first time in a long time he felt like he had a real sense of power. The Dark Lord could change the whole trajectory of his life—for once, he wouldn’t be counted out. 

“Who is he looking for?” Severus posed. “Can anyone join?” His mind flashed to Lily. For over a year now she had completely abandoned him but there wasn’t a moment that passed where he didn’t think of her. She too was someone who had been given a bad chance at life. Getting an opportunity to join alongside him would secure her in the wizarding world forever. 

“They will take anyone who is willing to give their loyalty,” Avery responded. “I’ve even heard he will take those of less pure blood…if they have something worthy to offer.”

It was all Severus could hope for. No one was more worthy than Lily despite her blood status. He could barely wait until that night when he knew she would be down in the potions room working on one of her little projects. She always did that on Saturday nights when she knew no one would be around to catch her. He went to his bedside table and took out a small crumpled photo he had carried with him since childhood. A small, meek version of himself stared up out of the photograph. Beside him, Lily held onto his hand, beaming. It was a version of them he wished he could go back to—perhaps seeing it she would feel the same. 

Now, he slowed his pace down to a walk and stopped at the statue of Ingrid the Horrid to catch his breath. Grasping onto the marble, he felt his heartbeat slow and started to make himself a little bit more presentable. 

A noise came from the end of the hall and Severus jolted behind the statue. The last thing he wanted was to be caught by Filch at a time like this–especially when he was so close to talking to her. After tonight, there would not be many more chances. She would never entertain him during the day, and the times to catch her alone at night were diminishing quickly.

Lily stepped out into the corridor with her wand lit. Her eyes shone bright in the shadows as she looked back and forth up the corridor.

“Hello?” She called out. She took some hesitant steps down the hall before swerving to look back behind her again. A small noise caught Severus’ attention just on the other end of the corridor, but he ignored it. 

Perhaps it was the nerves that made him not immediately show himself, but he kept watching her for a couple of minutes. She didn’t drop her defenses, clearly still sensing that someone was there. Like a well trained prefect she took small, deliberate steps regarding each side of the corridor, never dropping her wand in case she was about to be attacked.  After a moment she gave a frustrated sigh. He heard the noise again, this time closer.

“Alright, come out–I know it's you.” Snape’s stomach sank. He righted himself, trying to get even the smallest semblance of confidence before stepping out beyond the statue. Something else shifted in the darkness on the other side of the corridor. As though apparating, James Potter suddenly appeared out of the shadows. 

“Oh hello, Evans,” he ran a hand through his hair. “Nice evening isn’t it?”

Severus would have scoffed if he could have. Of course Potter would be cocky and self assured even when he was breaking school rules. 

Lily pursed her lips and he felt a burst of excitement. He knew that look from anywhere. There were very few things Severus enjoyed more in this world than seeing Lily tell off that arsehole. 

“Forget what time it is again, Potter?” She sounded cool, but there was something brewing underneath her tone.

Potter feigned a thoughtful look before clicking his tongue. 

“Hm must have—but then again, I should be asking you the same thing. Don’t you only patrol Tuesday nights?”

Lily froze up. Her wand trembled a little bit in her hand, creating a spattering of new shadows on the walls. 

“You memorized my prefect schedule,” she hissed.

Snape waited for the proverbial hammer to drop. It was one thing for Potter to be out breaking rules, but entirely another to be essentially stalking her. 

“I needed to see you again.”

There was a change in his voice that Severus had never heard before. It was softer. Certainly quieter than his usual boasting during the daytime. It seemed impossible to think, but James Potter seemed to be pleading.

“I’m just gonna say it,” he sighed, “I can’t stop thinking about you—about last night. I’m going mad.” 

This was hardly the first time Severus heard Potter make some sort of sweeping attempt at wooing her. That seemed like a complete waste of time on his part to come all the way out here to try again, but what happened last night? Were they seeing each other more often than he realized?

Lily didn’t draw back, nor did she make her usual face of disgust dedicated to Potter’s antics. Instead, her lips twitched into a small smile. “So what? You came here to try your luck again?”

“Well,” he hesitated, “ I guess…yes?” 

They shared a silence. Severus tried his best to push himself against the statue enough to get a better view of Lily’s face. Her brow furrowed in deep contemplation, but for what reason Severus couldn't understand. The scenario seemed so simple to him—Potter was essentially giving himself over to get detention or even better, hexed because of how brazen he was acting. Instead, Lily bit her bottom lip for a second then let out an exasperated sigh. 

James stepped towards her. “Lily—at least, tell me why you did it.”

It felt like a slap. Severus had never heard Potter use her first name before. He could feel his blood levels begin to rise. He knew he wasn’t exactly close to Lily anymore, but even from an outsider's perspective, it didn’t seem like the two were in any capacity to be on a first name basis and even if they were, he had no right to be soiling her name with his breath.

Lily fiddled with the ends of her hair. Her eyes blinked in rapid succession as she searched for some sort of response. 

After a beat, she whispered, “I don’t know.”

Potter took another step closer. He ran his hand again through his hair, but this time it was more out of exasperation than vanity. 

“How could you not know?” If Severus was confused about James’ tone before it was very clear now. Potter was unabashedly begging. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Lily sighed out. Her eyes were closed now in pain. 

Severus was not following. It was like they were speaking in riddles that only the two of them knew the solution. Clearly, there was a huge oversight on his part about Lily’s relationship with Potter because the Lily he knew would never entertain him for this long, nor would she let her first name come out of his arrogant mouth. 

James took another step closer to her. Now they weren’t more than a foot or two apart. Lily kept her eyes closed, looking as though she wished James would disappear entirely from the scene. Severus had the split thought of coming to help her. All it would take was one flick of his wand….

“But you did like it—” James’ voice sounded so small. Like a meek child asking for permission. “I mean, you were the one…I would never—”

Lily opened her eyes. A fire burned in her gaze, but it was different from the anger he saw pointed at Potter countless times. Something was smoldering within her. 

“Of course I liked it,” she scoffed, “and you don’t need to remind me that I was the one who initiated it.”

Potter looked like someone blew air right into his chest and his cheeks swelled with pink. He took the smallest step closer. 

“Lily—can I…touch you?”

The next few moments were a blur. It wasn’t Potter that closed the distance between them but Lily. All she had to do was lurch forward slightly for Potter’s arms to open. She grabbed onto the parts of his shirt that were bunched up around his waistline while he cradled her cheek and neck. Their faces hovered together with eyes hooded and unfocused. Severus felt a twinge of pain from his hand and realized he was grasping at the stone with all of his grip. 

“Are you still unsure,” James asked. His mouth was slightly open and dangerously close to hers now. As a response, she only pulled him closer, their chests now completely glued together. 

Severus held his breath. He wanted to close his eyes and make it all go away. How had he been so stupid? It was all making sense now. How Lily had stopped rowing with Potter on the grounds, how their friend groups had slowly started to intermingle, how when they partnered together right in front of him in Transfiguration Lily would even laugh at something idiotic that Potter said. He wished he had a time turner to take it all back. Find the moment where the kernel of Lily’s interest in Potter began and remove it from her entirely. Instead, he did nothing but continue to stare as his living nightmare unfolded in front of him. 

“I’m sure I want you to kiss me.” 

It was the death nail. Of course Potter didn’t need to be asked twice. Their lips molded together easily—it was clear they had done this before because there was no awkward hesitation, no issues with synchronicity. Their bodies were already well versed in each other and they profited from it. Lily’s hands moved to his neck, folding themselves into his messy hair which she had denounced more than a thousand times to him in the past. James' in turn were everywhere: sliding up and down her back, on her hips, caressing their way to commit every inch of her to memory. 

Severus leaned his forehead on the statue for support, fearing he might faint or worse vomit from the sight. He watched the couple snog for a few minutes, hardly breaking apart long enough to breath before reconnecting again. He wanted to run, but even if he did, he would know he left Lily there to do whatever ungodly thing Potter could cook up in his arrogant mind. 

They finally broke apart for a moment and Lily leaned her forehead against his to catch her breath. Their arms were still wrapped around the other and their chests beat like one. 

“Go out with me,” Potter gasped out, still trying to get his breath. He stared at her intently but Lily closed her eyes and sighed. 

“James—” The way she said his first name pierced Severus in the heart. How much more of this could he take before he was completely dead. At least then he would be taken out of his misery. 

“I can’t,” Lily finished. She opened her eyes and both her and Severus could see that Potter was pained by her response. 

“I don’t get it–” Potter started, he began to pull back but Lily grabbed hold of him tighter.

“I’m just—I’m not ready…for that,” she stammered out. “---but I don’t want this to stop either. I’m sorry, I know that’s so fucked….”

James blinked at her for a second, but then started to pepper soft kisses on her cheekbones and jaw. Lily tilted her head upwards and looked to be savoring the sensation. 

“Yeah, ok. Whatever you want,” James said, “Like I told you. I’m mad about you Lily. You know that.”

Lily smiled and James went back to roaming around her neck with his lips, finding a particular sensitive spot behind her ear. 

“Yea—I know,” Lily breathed out. She pulled James away from her neck so they could look at each other again. 

“You're dangerous for me too you know,” she laughed lightly at her own comment, “You have no idea what you do to me—christ that sounds so stupid.”James groaned with content.

“Merlin, Lily. That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.  He closed the gap between their mouths again. 

Severus finally let his legs give out underneath him. He didn’t even care if they heard him collapse to the ground. It all seemed pointless to him now. He thought about the future and how it wasn’t even an hour ago that the possibility of Lily and him being together again existed. With him, she could be safe, completely protected by the Dark Lord’s graces. Instead, here she was not only choosing to live as a target, but to do so with him. 

He didn’t dare turn back to look at them again, despite hearing their soft moans and the shifting of hands moving over clothing. It felt like ages before they finally separated again.

“I think it's past our bedtimes.” He could hear the desire in Lily’s voice. His stomach sank lower. 

“Hmm. Seems so,” James sounded completely chuffed.

 “If you promise to be good, you can walk with me back to the common room,” Lily teased.

He could hear their feet start moving and he turned around to witness them walking almost shoulder to shoulder. Potter’s hand snaked its way around her hip and he wiggled his fingers, causing her to give a little shriek and swat at his chest. 

“Evans,” Potter teased, “When am I not good?” He watched as they turned the corner together, leaving Severus in a now dark and silent corridor. He didn’t move to get up, opting to lean back against the statue for a couple more moments. The life Snape wanted had been so possible— what had he done to deserve this outcome. He took out the ruddy photo he had in his pocket again and dragged a finger over Lily’s small, childlike smile. Her eyes gleamed up from the page. It couldn’t be over—not yet, he told himself. Not until her eyes were gone from his life, would it be over. 

[bethanydelleman]

do you have any theories on why wickham turned out the way he did? his background sounds humble but not dirt poor as i know steward was a really valued job at the time. and as the elder mr. darcy liked him, he probably had a better life than plenty of boys. correct me if i'm wrong but i don't recall any mention of a mom or siblings, so darcy was probably his main childhood companion. it's just horrible to think that over the years he went from seeing darcy as a friend to someone he could ruin. and he was prepared to ruin georgiana's life, not just take all her money but cause a scandal so she might not ever get married again. and if darcy hadn't found lydia he'd probably just leave her where she was with no way of getting home and destroyed the bennets. like why? everyone was nothing but nice to him his whole life and all he does is hurt them and enjoy doing it. when you think about it kind of sounds evil.

From what I understand, Wickham was a failure of a system whereby a rich person would choose someone poorer to patronize. We can see other examples of this in Emma (Jane Fairfax & Harriet Smith) and especially Mansfield Park (Fanny & William Price).

The idea was that the rich would find someone worthy of improvement, sponsor their education, and give them the ability to raise into the gentry class. This sounds like what Mr. Darcy Sr. tried with Wickham, but in this case it was a failure. What ended up happening isn't that Wickham was grateful, but he ended up feeling entitled to the life of a Darcy. The novel's implication is that Wickham had a bad character, which education could not improve, and that Mr. Darcy Sr. was deceived in because Wickham had a veneer of decency.

From Darcy's Letter:

Mr. Wickham is the son of a very respectable man, who had for many years the management of all the Pemberley estates, and whose good conduct in the discharge of his trust naturally inclined my father to be of service to him; and on George Wickham, who was his godson, his kindness was therefore liberally bestowed. My father supported him at school, and afterwards at Cambridge; most important assistance, as his own father, always poor from the extravagance of his wife, would have been unable to give him a gentleman’s education. My father was not only fond of this young man’s society, whose manners were always engaging, he had also the highest opinion of him, and hoping the church would be his profession, intended to provide for him in it. As for myself, it is many, many years since I first began to think of him in a very different manner. The vicious propensities, the want of principle, which he was careful to guard from the knowledge of his best friend, could not escape the observation of a young man of nearly the same age with himself, and who had opportunities of seeing him in unguarded moments, which Mr. Darcy could not have.

Wickham's account:

“We were born in the same parish, within the same park; the greatest part of our youth was passed together: inmates of the same house, sharing the same amusements, objects of the same parental care."

In Mansfield Park, Sir Thomas talks about how difficult it will be to maintain the distinction between his daughters and Fanny, their adopted niece, and when I think about how Wickham turned out, I think this is meant to be taken seriously (even though Sir Thomas and Mrs. Norris screwed up massively):

“There will be some difficulty in our way, Mrs. Norris,” observed Sir Thomas, “as to the distinction proper to be made between the girls as they grow up: how to preserve in the minds of my daughters the consciousness of what they are, without making them think too lowly of their cousin; and how, without depressing her spirits too far, to make her remember that she is not a Miss Bertram. I should wish to see them very good friends, and would, on no account, authorise in my girls the smallest degree of arrogance towards their relation; but still they cannot be equals. Their rank, fortune, rights, and expectations will always be different. It is a point of great delicacy, and you must assist us in our endeavours to choose exactly the right line of conduct.”

Fanny feels grateful for what the Bertrams give her, even though it's scraps of a real education. Wickham ends up feeling entitled, even though he is "liberally bestowed" and that may have been the problem. He was treated too similarly to Darcy and felt that he was a Darcy, only to find out the patronage didn't go as far as he wanted.

Wickham comes off to me as one of those people who is ALWAYS innocent in his own mind, someone else is always the cause of his misfortunes (he's like Willoughby in that respect). So when he tells Elizabeth about how he lost his inheritance, I think he believes what he is saying. He does think Darcy cheated him somehow even though he was in the wrong. Darcy becomes the tyrant because Wickham refuses to be the villain of his own story.

In addition, I don't know if he would have seen Darcy as a friend. Darcy is one of the few people who can see through Wickham and a con man would hate that. Wickham's dislike of Darcy may well have started because he hates that Darcy can perceive and judge the real him.

[arcane-vagabond]

Dagger Gang Universe Masterlist

Here is the Masterlist for the Dagger Gang Universe! Here, you will find all three series as well as their respective drabbles! The DGU takes place sometime around the 1870s in the New Mexico territories of the west. Reblogs, comments, and likes are always encouraged, and if you enjoy my writing, please consider buying me a ko-fi! You can also find me on AO3 under sailor_aviator where I post all of my updates.

All posts related to this universe will be tagged as "DGU" and "Dagger Gang Universe"

*Denotes smut.

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: Jake "Hangman" Seresin is a notorious leader within the Dagger Gang of the old western territories of the United States. You, a recently orphaned socialite from the eastern seaboard, find yourself swept off to live with your older brother who has set down roots in said western territory. Determined to to make the best of your situation, what will you do when said outlaw sets his sights on you?

Finished

Moodboards || Fan Art || Playlist 1 || Playlist 2

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five*

Chapter Six*

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine*

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve*

The first time Jake sees Scout...

Scout gets the laundry

Jake teaches Scout how to play baseball

Scout and Jake spend Christmas together

Scout finds Jake asleep

Scout and Jake wake up

Jake gets hired on as a ranch hand

You call Jake "baby boy" in bed*

Isaac's attack from Jake's POV

The morning after Chapter Six

See more on the masterlist!

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: Taking place directly after the events of "Don't Hang'em Til Noon," this series follows more of Jake and Scout as they traverse life in the New Mexico territories. Isaac Cassidy's gang is still hanging about, stirring up trouble in the name of their fallen leader. Additionally, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell and your brother, Benjamin, have established rights to a gold mine that's now drawing in more and more unsavory characters. Will you have what it takes to survive the growing danger?

Moodboards || Fan Art || Playlist 1 || Playlist 2

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four (Coming Soon)

Blowjob in the barn...*

Scout calls Jake "baby boy" in bed...*

Pregnant sex with Jake...*

Jake with his newborn...

The kids help take care of Jake when he's sick...

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader

Summary: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw is a simple man. Well, as simple as one can be while living a life of crime. The notorious outlaw of the western territories has never been interested in settling down and having a family, but will that all change when he meets a shy, new teacher who just moved into town?

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five (Coming Soon, On hold)

Bradley offers to teach the piano...

Birdie and Bradley spend Christmas together...

Penny and Mav talk about Bradley and Birdie...

Why Bradley has a Kidnapping charge…

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x reader

Summary: Bob Floyd had always been a good kid. So how did he manage to let his childhood friends rope him into living a life of crime? A member of the famous outlaw group, the Dagger Gang, Bob longs for a future where he can settle down and earn a respectable living. When he meets the new barmaid at the local tavern, that future doesn't seem so farfetched, but will her past catch up to her?

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three (Coming Soon, On hold)

Bob and Bunny spend Christmas together...

Penny and Mav talk about Bob and Bunny...

Bob and Bunny Bake...

Pairing: Javy "Coyote" Machado x Reader

Summary: Growing up in the untamed wilds of the west afforded you many opportunities that most women weren't allowed, namely that of choice and self sufficiency. One day, your father announces his intention to marry you off, and you take your chance to escape, moving south to try your luck at striking gold. You arrive in the town of Maverick, setting up shop, but soon learn that life on your own is tougher than you previously thought. You catch the eye of a handsome man, but you're determined to rely on your own skills. Only, you may end up needing his help after all...

Prologue

Chapter One (Coming Soon)

Why Javy has a Kidnapping charge…

[5eraphim]

could you write something about Scout with a breeding kink please?? i don't usually see a lot of fics like that when involving him, also maybe some angst too and slight yandere aspects?? only if you're comfortable ofc!! my friend recommended your blog to me :3 ((if they're reading this, i want them to know that i think they're smelly.))

it's spooky season so i'm answering this for werewolf!scout from the monster mash au. (this is a little drabble i wrote about werewolf scout's backstory, you don't really need to read all of it, but for context- scout and reader were childhood friends, but after reader moved away scout seizes the opportunity to get back with "the one that got away") now he's forced reader to live as his mate. not much difference from human scout tbh, it's just spiced with a bit of tetro and full-moon-intensified-horniness, the emotional core/angst of the story is more about his issues regarding family/loyalty/responsibility. i hope that's all good with you, thank you so much for the request!

Title: Puppy Eyes

Character: Scout 🐇 (Team Fortress 2)

Rating: X (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! GO PLAY OUTSIDE!)

Content Warnings: dubcon, breeding kink, yandere, tetro (mild), full moon horniness, mating press, AFAB reader, exophilia, fingering, dirty talk, abandonment issues/daddy issues scout, scout drinks reader's sweat? if that's anything?

Word Count: 3.5k

MASTER LIST

TIP JAR

"I never wanted to kill. I am not naturally evil.

Such things I do, just to make myself attractive to you.

Have I failed?" Morrisey, The Last of the Famous International Playboys

(post 2/31 of my version of kinktober where i write whatever i want for every day of october <3)

"I-I know it's a lot- but fuck! C'mon, stay with me, just a lil more!" How many times had you heard that line tonight? You already lost count. It was so late out, the summer night sky crystal-clear as the full moon and starlight pooled through the open windows bright enough to illuminate the entire room. But you didn't want to see; all you wanted to do was bury your head under the pillows and sleep, despite knowing there was a significant chance you wouldn't get more than a wink of sleep tonight. 

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I-I'm almost there! Keep goin'!" Scout continued to try and push you on. His voice had gone hoarse and sounded winded, but he was close. You could feel his knot building, a sensation even now after so many rounds you couldn't determine to be sickening or erotic. Even if you tried to tell yourself it was gross, you'd already come twice feeling Scout grinding it against you, forcing you to lay on your belly under him with your knees bent while he humped you with his briefs still on. He was excited and wanted nothing more than to get right to pounding you into the floor, but even he couldn't entirely ignore his anxiety. It was your first night with him as a wolf, and if he messed up tonight, he knew it would take ages to make it up to you.

It was the first full moon the two of you spent under the same roof, and you knew it would be a rough night, but you had no idea Scout could be so insatiable. Scout was a braggart and a liar. When he told you about all the dirty things he fantasized about doing to you under the full moon, you thought he was trying to get a rise out of you. Needless to say, the countless hickies spotting your neck, shoulders, and tits, the bruises on your thighs and hips, and the ungodly overstimulation going on between your legs were more than enough to convince you Scout was being dead serious. Even before that, usually, Scout liked to dirty talk while he undressed you, liked to watch you get embarrassed and turned on, completely unable to hide it. But not tonight. As soon as Scout locked the door behind himself coming home, he practically jumped you, dragging you to the heaping pile of pillows and blankets in the middle of the bedroom floor you called a bed.

You'd be lying if you said it wasn't more than a little erotic to see someone so animalistic and primally lustful towards you. And though you weren't about to admit it, Scout didn't look half-bad in his wolf form. Even as a wolf, he was pretty lean, with a shaggy, deceptively soft blonde pelt and, of course, his big blue puppy eyes. Bright, excited eyes that lit up when you praised him, gave him attention, wound your fingers through his hair, anything- he couldn't get enough!

On the other hand, you were starting to fade fast and needed a break. Not only to replenish your energy, but you desperately needed to grab a towel and clean up a little. It was the full moon, and there was nothing on Scout's mind other than coming inside you, but given how many loads he was shooting off, you were physically incapable of keeping all of them inside. Resulting in sticky smears coating your back, thighs, and arms.

"Hang on, just- Jesus, Scout, will you let me get up? I just wanna wipe off a little sweat."You turned your back on Scout, about to head from the "bed" to the bathroom to grab a towel, when two clawed hands grabbed your arms from behind, keeping you in place, "I can help!" 

Before you could even ask what he meant by that, you felt the long flat of his tongue dragged over the back of your neck, collecting the wetness in his mouth before lapping his tongue out again to catch more. The feeling was terrible, but accompanied by the sound of "dog slorping" directly by your ear, made you cower forward to avoid another lick. "Scout, that's disgusting!"

"What? You taste amazing!" Completely uninhibited by your visible repulsion, he tried to lean forward for more while you struggled. 

You shouted, "Stop it!" Louder than you intended, and with a heavy sigh, he loosened his grip on your arms, allowing you to slip away, pulling away from the bed in the process, trying to ignore the light scent of dog breath clinging to your back. Scout sat back on the bed, pouting and fidgeting restlessly, visibly unhappy to see you resisting his advances. "Not tryna gross ya out-, y'know I can't help it!"

He was right, and it was tough to stay mad at him when he gave you puppy eyes, but you were too physically exhausted to let him pull you back right back into bed. 

A voice in the back of your head scolded you for having any kind of sympathy for the monster who held you captive and insisted the two of you were meant to be mates. This wasn't close to a healthy relationship, but Scout wasn't human. How could you expect him to know how to treat you like one? 

Hugging your arms around your naked body, you stepped back, "Let's just take 10, alright? Just let me get some fresh air, maybe something to drink?" 

And in the blink of an eye, Scout's ears perked up again, his tail swishing against the blankets on the floor, "You wanna snack break?" 

Nodding, you smiled a little, "Yeah, I'm just gonna take a step outside, alright? I'll meet up with you right after." 

He nodded, standing until he was towing over you. As he passed by to leave the bedroom, he put a paw-like hand on your shoulder, "Don't make me come getcha, alight?"

Swallowing a lump in your throat, you made a noise of affirmation, watching him head over to the kitchen while you pulled a loose blanket around your naked body before stepping outside to the fire escape and sitting to look up at the sky.

It felt nice to step away from the dank and musky-scented apartment, even if it was just for a few minutes. Everything leading up to tonight felt so overwhelming and confusing. You knew the first full moon you spent with Scout would be rough. And by God was it ever. You could already tell your poor, overstimulated body would be incredibly sore by morning, assuming you could get any sleep tonight, that was.

For about a month now, you were living like this, but counting the days as they passed while in captivity was difficult. The only measure of time you had at your disposal was the phases of the moon and its effect on Scout. Though it wasn't all awful, there were always those rare evenings he would offer to spend out with you. Sitting outside alone, you thought back to one specific evening out with Scout. The night he took you out to meet his mother.

Honestly, you never thought you'd hold much sympathy for the mother of the man who was planning on keeping you as his "mate." Forcing you into captivity with the final intention to make you into a monster like himself. You only agreed to meet up with him at his Ma's place for dinner because you wanted any excuse to get out of Scout's apartment. You'd bargained with him, agreeing to meet him at his mother's place for a few hours of freedom before dinner.

You never thought he'd grant you independence like this, but something about promising to willingly go with him to meet his Ma made his entire face light up with excitement. 

During those few precious moments away from Scout, you didn't even think to try and run away. It was impossible to try and escape a master predator who could track you down in a matter of minutes, and even if you could get away, what was to stop him from hurting your loved ones to get back at you for the betrayal? Instead, you simply enjoyed some fresh air, went for a long walk, and mentally psyched yourself for dinner. 

The walk to Ma's house felt nostalgic in a melancholic way. You could remember racing over to Scout's house as kids, how his Ma said the door was always open for you. She was beautiful, always kind, and made you feel at home. You couldn't understand why you never saw her husband around. But you knew better than to bring something like that up, especially whenever Scout was around.

When you showed up, you expected to see Scout open the door to greet you. But when you knocked on the front door, you heard someone from inside calling out, "It's open!" 

Timidly, you creaked the door open, still unable to shake the feeling you were dreaming of childhood and would wake up any moment. Tiptoeing your way inside, you heard an old black and white television set playing some old British thriller, the sound just as muffled by static as you remembered. The flat was less cluttered than you remembered but maintained the warmth and coziness you never forgot. 

When your eyes met Scout's Ma, you momentarily forgot the resentment you expected to feel for her, overcome by the joy of seeing an old family friend after so long. She smiled at you, her face and figure softened by years, but she was just as stunning and distinguished as you remembered, nothing less than radiant. You watched her walk from the kitchen to greet you with a warm hug, welcoming you with parental affection as though you were one of her own. For just a moment, you held onto her, suddenly choked up, realizing you could now meet her at eye level.

She pulled away gently, "Good to see ya again."

Taking a slight step back, you cleared your throat, "I apologize; I must be a bit early. I thought Scout would be here by now." You felt a touch awkward, trying to figure out what to do in the absence of Scout.

She turned to walk back to the kitchen, talking to you from over her shoulder. "He was. I sent him out for an errand run. I didn't want the boy smothering ya as soon as I walked in. Can ya come help me set the table?" 

You followed her through the kitchen, "You sent him out?" 

Scout's Ma chuckled, making you freeze up a little, taken aback by how eerily similar Scout sounded when he laughed, "He's been talkin' my ear off all damn day. I just wanted a lil peace and quiet. Can ya blame me?" 

Walking into the kitchen, you could see the small but delicious-smelling meal she prepared for the three of you to share already laid out on the table. You tried to force yourself not to stare and focus on helping her finish setting up. Still, Ma could notice you were distracted, staring off into space, caught up in your own memories. She grinned, "My boy cleaned up the place before you got in. Bless his heart, I ain't ever seen him so determined to clean all his life."

You bit down on your lower lip, unsure how to respond, keeping your gaze fixed on your hands as you laid the silverware down. Did she know about Scout keeping you like a prisoner for nearly a month now? Did she have any idea how dangerous her son really was? You had no idea. "I never thought he'd bother with that sort of thing."

You could see Scout's Ma looking up at you from your peripheral vision, but you didn't have the resolve to meet her eye. "He cares about ya. He's always cared more than he wanted anyone to know."

"So she does know?" You wondered, somewhat confident she knew much more than she was letting on. Looking at her cautiously, you took a seat. "I'm not sure I believe that. Scout's never been the "caring" type… No offense."

She had an odd, far-off look on her face as she nodded, taking a seat by you. "I understand why you'd think that. But he's been through so much; it's not easy for him to love. Not without fear."

Your brow creased, "I don't think I understand." 

She sighed through her nose, looking past you, out the window to the street beyond. "When Scout was a little boy- Every day I told him I loved him. Every day, I patched up that boy's scrapes and made sure he made it home safe every night. And he'll always be my little boy... But I can only do so much for him, y'know?"

Trying your best not to sound nosy, you responded, "What do you mean by that?"

Ma's jaw tightened slightly, her piercing eyes finally meeting yours, "I couldn't make his father stay, for one thing… And I sure as hell couldn't stop him from getting into trouble." 

"So she does know…" You thought, though, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her as you thought you would. Scout's Ma couldn't control the guy any more than you could. You tried to lighten the mood a little, offering a weak smile, "Scout's a grown man now. He can handle himself just fine."

She folded her hands across her lap, sitting back in her seat a little, as though deep in thought, and trying to choose her words as carefully as possible. "Scout's a man now, but when his father left- I don't think he ever came back from that."

Leaning forward a little, you rest your hands on the table, "I thought he never knew his father?"

She nodded, "That's what he always said. I think it was the easiest way for him to cope with the disappearance." 

You were about to express your condolences, feeling quite overwhelmed with the new information, but she continued, "I can still remember how he would pretend to go to sleep, waiting to see his father again… I never had the heart to tell Scout his father was never coming back… And to be honest, without you, I think he would still be waiting."

Stiffening slightly, you asked, "What do you mean?"

Finally, she was able to look you in the eye again, appearing much less lost in her own thoughts, "I don't know how to put this, but I think the day he stopped waiting, that was when he made up his mind to become the father he never had." 

You seriously hated how much sense that made. 

Scout's Ma reached across the table, squeezing your hand with hers in a gesture of sympathy. "And there was something about the look on his face when he told me you were back in town… I think he always wanted it to be you."

You nodded. As much as you were terrified by Scout's obsession with you, the idea he'd felt this way since childhood never even occurred to you. She continued, "Believe me, I've seen him chase plenty of girls- but it was nothin' more than foolin' around, you know? Like he was waitin' for you to come back. It's like he always believed you two were meant to be."

Ever since that night, you could not get that one phrase out of your head, "As though it were meant to be…" Even now, the mere thought of it pulled at your heartstrings, doubting you had any chance to escape your destiny. Slipping back inside, you let the blanket fall from your shoulders as you sat back on the little blanket pile by Scout while he shotgunned Bonk with one hand, holding a protein bar in the other. 

Scout allowed you to settle by his side before wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer. Eating seemed to mellow him somewhat, and he wasn't nearly as grabby with you as you nestled into his soft pelt. 

The wholesomeness of the moment didn't last long. As soon as Scout finished his drink, he tossed the can aside, nuzzling closer, looking at you with expectant eyes, "So you wanna…"

You met his eye, "I think I can do one more round…"

That incentive was all he needed before he was back on top, smearing your neck and chest with messy, open-mouthed kisses while he fumbled for a moment, trying to re-find his position against your body. With a bit more force than he intended, Scout pushed you back down on your back, lifting your legs with his arms. Scout got properly situated between your legs, practically shivering with excitement. "Alrighty then! One more round- gotta make it count!"

Feeling that all too familiar swelling at the base of his cock, you winced as he sunk his claws into where he was holding you up by your thighs.

For a moment, he was distracted, groping the soft skin of your thighs with his fingers, making you moan, trying to recapture his attention, "Scout- c'mon please-" A little breathy plea and sleepy bedroom eyes were all it took before Scout could feel his blood rushing straight to his cock, making it throb while his mouth began to salivate.

"God, you look hot as fuck like that!" He was already aligned to penetrate, and you felt your oversensitive nerves forced against his overheated body. "I will never get sick of seein' ya like this- Ya drive me fuckin crazy, y'know that?"

"Scout, just a little more; I can take it!" You tried to keep urging him on, but as soon as he began pushing inside, you felt your head rolling back as you forced yourself to stay nice and pliable for him. A task easier said than done. But even horny out of his mind, Scout could see you were trying your best to hang on for him and make the last round count. 

You were so good to him like that. Scout was so proud to finally call you his girl that he could hardly take it. "I'm gonna make you real proud, I promise! I'm gonna give ya a baby, a-and more! Fuck, we'll have our own pack goin' in no time!"

It was harder to follow along with what he was saying as he picked up speed, his words getting muffled by his growling and wild panting. While you felt your body being used like a toy in his crushing grip. His feral lust and size made your head spin, and as he continued to grind himself against your clit you felt another intense pressure building at the base of your spine. A pleasure which you tried desperately to ride out but hardly could on account of being unable to move against the monster above, but even without being able to stimulate yourself, once you felt his knot building up deep inside, making you come just a few intense thrusts before Scout. Forcing the two of you to remain connected until the swelling went down entirely, Scout took this opportunity to lap apologetically at some of the more intense bitemarks and bruising left on your neck.

You thought you could finally relax when you felt him finally pull out, only to be caught off guard by the feeling of his clumsy fingers trying to force the comeback inside of you without accidentally tearing you apart with his claws. Though, given the night you just endured, you doubted a few more lacerations would mean anything at this point. 

By now, your mind and body felt like two entirely different entities. You could feel a kind of queasiness of being overly filled by Scout, feeling so full you felt paralyzed from the navel down. You wouldn't be surprised if your body was rubbed bright red after hours of overstimulation, though you took immense comfort knowing the long night of passion was coming to a close. Now that Scout agreed to concede for the night, you weren't too scared to snuggle up closer to share body heat for fear of getting roped into "just one more round." 

Scout was too tuckered out to think of asking for any more, and he felt more spent than ever before, the sensation as exhausting as it was euphoric. He watched your limp body latch onto his chest, grinning like an idiot, feeling your fingers getting lost in the dense fur of his pelt. Better than making love under a full moon after dreaming of this his entire life, being able to hold you close made his heart swell. Scout felt so protective to keep you close like this. Cradling you, his baby, while you held a baby of your own, or so he liked to think.

Even though he knew you were probably already asleep by this point, Scout pressed his forehead to the top of your head, whispering, "Ma loves ya, and she's been on my back asking' about grandkids… I'm not tryna pressure you or nothin', but- I mean, I just wanna say- you're gonna fit in perfect with the rest of the family. I know it."

Even if you couldn't hear him say it, to say all that out loud while holding you close felt like a dream come true, and he knew there was nothing he wouldn't do to protect this dream.

[brooklynisher]

Age headcanons for the steambots Youngest to oldest Let's go

Below are my reasonings. There will be character specific spoilers!

Tristan and Daisy are well established to be kids kind of. The way they're talked to and talked about suggest that they are children. Especially because they talk about their childhoods like it was just a year ago. Tristan is still too young to understand how traumatic his childhood was. Daisy is similar but I think she at least sort of acknowledges that her childhood wasn't the best.

Poe and Beacon just seem younger to me. Poe I feel is very knowing for her age, but I think that's due to being raised to scam people. She probably had to grow up faster than most to be able to see everything as a money making opportunity. And Beacon, well, Beacon seems college student age. I don't remember where they were exactly, but it involved rocket-science level machinery and I can't think of many reasons they'd be there if not college. College deals with those sorts of stuff kind of.

Chimney seems like she graduated college not too long ago. Her affinity for roughhousing and drinking just gives off the vibe of a college party. I mean, where else would she find a group of friends like that?

Quincy and Wesley were hard to decide on. All the dialogue I'm getting from Leeway tells me he is a young adult. He's definitely AN adult, but he's not too old considering how new he is with certain things and the amount of times he said "I wasn't even assembled back then!" He probably would've been younger if it wasn't for Wesley. They're established to be "Old friends" which obviously they knew each other in their younger years. And because it's rather uncommon for kids or teenagers to be friends with people noticeably older than them, I figured they'd have to be in the same age range. Wesley is why they're not younger. Considering that he's been in war, has been in higher education, was there with Leeway both when the Submarine was lost AND found(In fact, he found it), I figured, he should probably have some time to do all that. 27 and 29 isn't that old anyway. Sure, I think they still qualify as young adults.

Sola and Crowbar, I had no idea for Sola, but Crowbar seems to be just a smidgen older considering how many how many crews she's been on. Not too much older because she's quite the fickle. Sola was originally going to be the same age as Leeway bc I can see some nerdy 27 year old working at an aquarium or something, but then I remembered there are like 3 people that ship her with Crowbar, and that's a lot considering the number of ships in this fandom, so I didn't want their age gap to be too crazy even if it's technically not that bad bc they're both over 25 years old.

Judy and Cornelius are both well established to be old. If the gray hair doesn't give it away, then it's the talk about their life experiences. Cornelius apparently used to be a super terrible guy, and he thinks he'll need to spend a lot of time apologizing for this. Also I think he used to serve for the Royalists in SWH?? maybe not I'm not sure. Either way, he's done a lot in his lifetime, and apparently most of it wasn't good. IIRC I don't think he feels redeemed even after defeating the Kraken. And Judy talks about her past experiences all the time. She already was something of a hero before she joined the crew and all her dialogue suggests she's super experienced so I'm giving her time to do all that.

[oldiesstationlover11607]

hellooo again!! i loved what you did with the dun!reader x tyler fic, it was exactly what i had imagined thank you!!:3 i’ll definitely be a regular here, you’re writing is TEWWW good not to be one 😁 id also love to be 🦝 anon if that works??

anyways id love to see an angsty fic, where reader & tyler are at an party or some sort of event and reader is spending a lot of time talking to her old childhood friend. and while tyler knows the reader would never hurt him, and that there was nothing going between reader and this guy. blurryface gets the best of him. so when they leave the party early because tyler has a “headache” and when the car ride home is nothing but silent, reader speaks up about it. and blurryface tries to argue with reader, paint her out to be this villain. but reader knows how to help tyler, she knows exactly how to save him from himself. i even if blurryface’s words hurt at first.

i hope i explained that correctly ☝️ but yeah just a angsty argument moment & once reader realizes she just has to save tyler from blurryface, she just reassures him until he’s safe.

again thank you so much for writing my request!!:) i have sooo many random ideas that id love to share with you, i truly enjoy your work soo much <3

- 🦝

Jealous - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Relationship: Tyler Joseph × Reader

Warnings: Blurryface, strong language (I did use swears lol), and Tyler being jealous - angst

Word Count: 2734

A/N: Hello 🦝! I'm glad you enjoyed the Dun!reader fic and thanks for coming back and requesting :) This was super fun to write bc I have an event with my guy best friend this weekend and lots of people that are going to be there haven't met him so I was able to take inspiration – hopefully it doesn't end up like this! Hope you enjoy!

We’d been planning this festival for months, 17 youth bands from Columbus, Ohio were set to play in a medium sized local venue over Saturday and I couldn’t have been more excited. Tyler had promised to  come as a guest and watch the bands. I’d asked him to have a chat with a few of the kids who I knew were fans and genuinely interested in taking their music further and into a professional sphere. 

“How’s this?” Tyler stepped out of our closet wearing a black hoodie, black jeans, and a baseball cap, doing a little spin. 

“Perfect,” I smiled, finishing my makeup in the mirror with my favorite music blasting from the speaker Tyler had installed in the ensuite bathroom for us. He fell back onto our bed, spreading out into a starfish position and staring up at the ceiling. “You look tired,” I laughed, looking at him through the mirror. 

“I am,” he responded, pulling down one of his pillows from the top of the bed. I grabbed my bag and slipped in my phone, keys, lip balm, and a comb. 

“Well you’re gonna need to wake up if you’re going to be speaking to these kids,” I said. Tyler sat up, letting out a loud groan that echoed through the bedroom. He opened his arms out to me, welcoming my presence between his knees. Resting his head against my chest, he pulled me in close enough that he was practically breathing me in. “I’m excited,” I smiled, knowing my hard work was finally paying off and that all of the kids I’d gotten to know over the last few months were getting the opportunity to showcase their art in front of people who truly understood them. 

“I’m excited for you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled through my shirt. His body heat felt comforting and the last thing I wanted was to step away. It was going to be a stressful day and any minute away from him would just make me more stressed, he was my own personal stress reliever. “We should get going,” I pulled away from his embrace and helped him onto his feet. Normally Tyler drove us places because I took control of the aux to play our shared playlist. We got into the car and almost immediately music started to flow around the car, the two of us singing as loud as we could and shimmying back and forth with the bass. The venue was about half an hour from our house and I’d gotten a couple text messages from the crew to let me know they were loading things in including camera equipment and the shared drum kit each band was going to use. We turned the corner and drove in through the back entrance, parking just to the side of the loading bay. Everywhere I looked there were people running back and forth carrying equipment and talking to the bands. It felt like just yesterday that Tyler and I were setting up for twenty one pilots’ shows together while Mark filmed everything. I missed it, I missed having a camera shoved in my face by one of my best friends–it was fun. Tyler jumped out of the car and ran over to my side, offering a hand for me and not letting go once I was down. We walked into the venue, music playing over the radio to keep everyone entertained during the long waiting hours. That was when I saw him–Luke. I stopped right there in the middle of the walkway, my breath caught in my throat. 

“Y/N?” he paused, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since high school. My heart was beating in my ribcage, the feeling vibrating throughout my body and straight into my hand, which Tyler gripped tightly. His brows furrowed as he looked at me with concern. 

“Luke?” Tyler tilted his head slightly. I let go of his hand and ran straight into Luke’s arms. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?” I gasped. 

“I thought I’d fly in and surprise you! I’ve been helping a bit behind the scenes with promotional stuff,” he looked down at me with a grin. 

“How long has it been?” Tears of joy started to well in my eyes. Luke was my best friend in elementary school, middle school, and even high school–our friendship lasting longer than 10 years. 

“Eight years Tink,” he said, ruffling my hair. ‘Tinkerbell,’ the nickname I’d adopted in middle school. I remember it like it was yesterday, the summer when our families went to Disney World together. Luke and I grew up on Disney movies and when we finally saved enough money to go to the parks we were so excited. Like the amazing friend I was, I forced Luke to stand in an hour-long line with me to meet Tinkerbell only to get heat stroke and have to step out of line. I cried and cried about how bad I felt about wasting his time but the whole time he sat by my side waiting for me to feel better before dragging me off to Walt Disney’s Haunted Mansion and forever cementing my name as ‘Tinkerbell’. 

“Sorry, Tink?” Tyler interrupted. I stepped back from Luke who chuckled. 

“Short for Tinkerbell. It’s a long story. You must be Tyler, I’ve heard so much about you,” Luke beamed, reaching a hand out to Tyler who shook it firmly. 

“Interesting, because I haven’t heard anything about you,” he mimicked sarcastically. Luke’s face dropped looking at me with confusion. He’d never come up in conversation, Luke moved out of state after high school, going to New York for business school. 

“We were friends at school,” Luke explained before looking back at me. “The kids are already here if you want to come say hi, they’re all super excited to meet Tyler.” I nodded, following him as he walked ahead. Tyler reached down and grabbed my hand strongly. Something was off, he was standing taller and felt more serious than he normally was. 

“Are you okay?” I whispered into his ear–he had to lean down to properly hear me. 

“Yep. Fine. Absolutely fine.”

“Tyler if you feel sick or something you can go home, I can stay here with Luke,” I began, rubbing the pad of my thumb against the back of his hand. 

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted. As we entered the backstage area where all the kids were he turned on a smile and went to greet everyone. The room instantly filled with cheers and squeals as he was quickly swarmed and disappeared from sight, leaving Luke and I alone. 

“Do you need any help with setting stuff up?” I asked, turning away from Tyler and trying to make myself useful. 

“Actually yeah, you could help me put together the gift baskets for the bands,” he nodded, leading me further down the hall into a dressing room full of brightly coloured baskets, bags of candy, drum sticks, guitar picks, and more gifty things. I jumped over the covered floor to a small square of carpet which was clear enough for me to stand. “So, what’s up with this Tyler guy? You told me he was chill but he was anything but that,” Luke spoke, kneeling down and grabbing a basket. He was right, Tyler was generally relaxed with the exception of a few work things with the band when he really locked in. 

“I don’t know Lou,” I ran a hand through my hair, “he normally is.” 

He shrugged and let out a sigh. “Maybe he’s jealous of my amazingness,” he bragged, fitting a pack of guitar strings next to the box of chocolates in his basket.  

“As if,” I scoffed, throwing the ring of ribbon to him. “I’m dating the frontman of one of the biggest bands on the planet and you’re… you,” I laughed as Luke placed a hand on his chest in mock offense. As Luke and I continued to fit each gift into the baskets we began to talk about the past. We reminisced on the make believe games we used to play, the popular girls in middle school who thought they were ‘all that’–who apparently these days were working at gas stations and malls–and that one time our math teacher talked about his couples therapy in class. I could barely breathe as Luke mimicked the teacher’s voice, clenching my stomach and gasping for air. 

“Oh my god, remember when he got on his knees in front of Kate and started praying for her to pass the exam?” I laughed as Luke gasped, continuing his perspective of the story. I could hear the thumping and humming of the bands playing as they started to roll out on stage–I couldn’t have been more proud. 

“What about Dylan, do you remember him?” Luke asked. We’d moved closer together as the empty baskets became perfectly full and were placed on the table I’d decided needed to be covered in pink paper.

“Shit that breakup was the worst. I was the a fucking mess,” I scoffed. Dylan was my high school boyfriend and for most of our relationship I was deeply in love with him–except for the day I caught him making out with Kathy from biology. It took me months to get over it, months of watching Disney movies and scoffing ice cream on Luke’s couch. It was so bad that our parents actually let us stay at each other’s houses. 

“I know, I was there,” Luke laughed, cutting the end of the ribbon he was tying. “I’m glad you’ve found your person though, he’s lucky to have you Tink.” Finishing another basket, I placed it on the table, finally able to move around the room as we’d finished about half of the job already. Just as I was about to go back to my spot I saw Tyler standing in the doorway. 

“Hey,” I smiled, opening my arms to him as he weaved his way around the baskets towards me. “How were the kids?” I looked up at him noticing he was picking at his hands–an anxious habit he’d formed. 

“Good,” he responded. 

“Are you okay man?” Luke asked, looking up from the bow he was tying. Tyler’s fists clenched. 

“I’ve got a headache, you know?” he gestured to his head. “I think we should head home Y/N.” I didn’t want to go home, I wanted to watch my hard work pay off and hear the music. 

“Oh I can give her a ride home after is she wan–”

“No. I–I–no,” Tyler interrupted. I stood up and interlocked my arm with his but he shrugged me off. I mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ at Luke who flashed me a sympathetic look. I hated having to leave him, I’d missed his company more than I thought I had–all of the memories flooding back in a manner of hours. 

“Okay,” I nodded, placing the basket I had just finished on the table and smiling sheepishly at Luke. Tyler walked stiffly to the door and out to the car without a word. 

“See ya Tink,” Luke waved, “I’ll text you.” 

I ran out after Tyler towards the car seeing him already sitting in the driver’s seat with the engine running. His posture was perfectly straight and expression blank. I climbed into my seat and turned to him, placing a hand on his thigh. 

“Are you okay to drive?” I asked, genuinely concerned about what was happening to him. Either he was telling the truth and had a headache or something much worse was about to happen. 

“It’s fine,” he snapped, driving out of the lot. I reached for the aux cable to plug my phone in, hoping some music would help him feel better–it usually did. “Don’t. Please,” he spoke, his hands gripping hard onto the wheel. I nodded and sat in silence the rest of the way home, staring out the window. As each building passed us I felt worse and worse, an ever expanding pit of anxiety forming in my throat. Tyler didn’t say a word but as we got closer and closer to home he would occasionally let out a groan or wince of pain. We wheeled into the driveway and came to a stop, Tyler jumping out of the car and running into the house. Immediately I chased after him, catching the front door as he attempted to slam it. 

“Tyler!” I shouted, causing him to stop and look at me. His eyes were red–bright red. Fuck. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he snapped, raising his arms to cover his head. He was trying to hide Blurryface from me. 

“Blurry come on. Talk to me,” I said. 

“I don’t need to hear you talk about him. I don’t want to hear you talk about him. You ditched me the whole day to hang out with him,” he started a path of no return, we were going to have that conversation.

“Tyl–We–He’s…We’re not…” I tried to explain it but couldn’t get my words out.

“Save it Y/N. I saw the way he looked at you, the way you hugged him. God you’re such a slut,” he seethed. My jaw dropped. The same words high school bullies spat at me were coming from the mouth of the person I love the most–the person who I’d decided to spend my life with. 

“You’re awful,” I sniffled. 

“And you’re not?” he continued to push, his eyes glowing brighter than before. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to unleash hell on him but it wasn’t Tyler speaking and I knew anything I did to Blurryface would just hurt Tyler more than he already was hurting. 

“He’s gay,” I blurted. “He’s gay, there is nothing going on between us and there never has.” I wiped the tears falling from my face. It wasn’t my thing to tell him, Luke was out and everyone who knew him knew he was gay–in fact even those who didn’t know him could seem to tell. Almost instantly Tyler’s eyes turned from the flaring fiery red to a bloodshot brown, his shoulders falling. 

“What?” I could tell he felt awful, the buildup of guilt obvious on his face. 

“I said, he’s gay, and there isn’t and never has been anything going on between us. He’s my friend Tyler.” He held his hand in front of his mouth, shaking violently. 

“Oh my god. I’m awful, I–I called you a–” he started to bawl and I pulled him in close. 

“It wasn’t you Ty. It’s okay, it’s okay,” I hummed, rubbing my hand up and down his back and tears streamed down his face. Tyler buried his face into my shoulder, his body trembling with every sob.

 “I didn’t mean it. I swear, I didn’t mean it,” he choked out, his voice cracking.

“I know, baby. I know,” I whispered softly, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him. My heart ached seeing him like this, so consumed by Blurryface’s anger and his own self-hatred.

“I can’t believe I let him do that… I can’t believe I said that to you. I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating, guilt lacing every word. I pulled back just enough to see his face, placing my hands gently on either side of his cheeks. 

“Tyler, listen to me. That wasn’t you. I know you, and you would never say those things. I’m not angry at you. I just want to help you through this.” His eyes, still red and puffy, searched mine, like he was desperately trying to believe my words but couldn’t let go of his shame. 

“But I hurt you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. I shook my head gently. 

“I’m okay. I’m here, aren’t I? I love you, Tyler. Nothing he says, nothing Blurryface does, can change that.” He let out another shaky breath, his forehead resting against mine. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that. You deserve all the love in the world, and I’m going to keep reminding you of that until you believe it,” I said, my voice firm but gentle. For a moment, we stayed there, wrapped in each other’s arms, the weight of everything starting to lift, even if just a little. Tyler’s breathing slowly steadied, his tears drying as he leaned into my touch.

“We’ll get through this, Ty. Together.”

He nodded, his voice still raw. “Together.”

//

Requests open!

[plutorine]

So... I just finished Demons...

heavy spoilers below the cut!

Honestly, I have no idea as to how I’m supposed to structure this review, given that I have many thoughts (and feelings) about having just ended another novel that’s full to the brim with things to talk about. I’m just going to write this according to the flow of my thoughts.

I’ve been told months before starting Demons that the first part is a little boring to get through, but in retrospect, I don’t subscribe to that belief anymore. Setting up the backdrop with Stepan and Varvara’s relationship was essential in establishing the main themes of the story.

(a) Control. For a woman in that century, seizing the opportunity to have the upperhand over a man is the most viable and beneficial option for Varvara. Sure, she might be more financially well-off than Stepan, but in the eyes of the conservative society then, she’s still supposed to defer to him due to her sex. There’s a passage wherein (I think) Stepan contemplated marrying Varvara (after Vsevolod Stavrogin’s death), but he ultimately decided not to. Even if he did push through with it, I don’t think Varvara would have agreed, either, because that meant succumbing to someone who she obviously thought was below her (“...no doubt, Varvara very often did hate him…”), and of course, knowing her character, she would absolutely not do that. 

(b) Projection/idealization. Varvara quite literally had Stepan dress up like the Kukolnik portrait that she saw as a young girl. She saw Stepan as her “creation”, even; she defended him from everything and so whenever he acted in a way that betrayed her image of him, she’d grow resentful of him. Varvara, having invested a lot into Stepan — emotionally and financially — now expects him to slavishly obey and go along with her every whim. Here, one can also see the transactional element of the relationships in Demons, and we see this, along with the other aforementioned themes, become more fleshed out as the story progresses. 

We’re introduced to Nikolai Stavrogin next, who is Varvara’s only son. I’ve spoken a great deal about Nikolai here already (especially on Twitter… My mutuals are probably so sick of seeing Maxim Matveev’s Stavrogin’s face on my account XD), but this is yet another opportunity for me to talk about him again. Having the privilege to be able to see him from a larger perspective and know about his childhood, I honestly felt sorry for him, even until his death. I tweeted this about him three months ago:

I’m not going to go on a rant about nature vs nurture here, but I really do believe that those nights where Stepan would just trauma dump unto this kid unprovoked without providing any good opinion of the world afterwards was what began Nikolai’s self-contained view of the world. I doubt he was able to make a lot of friends his age, too; he was quite the shy kid and he often kept to himself, not to mention that Varvara wasn’t the best parent, either. She provided for Nikolai, yes, but she fell short in actually being his mother. Nikolai was more of a status symbol for her than a son she cherished, really, and when she felt that something really disturbing had taken root within him, it was too late to do anything to counteract it. I gush about him a lot (like a lot, and this is more true if you follow me on Twitter), but it’s Matveev who I like, honestly. Not Nikolai as a person. I feel sorry for that loser (lovingly... and pitifully), because he’s carrying a weight inside of him that he can’t even grasp, and everyone around him is busy projecting whatever onto him. He voices out his frustration over this after the duel with Artemy Pavlovich, and it’s one of those moments that show how Nikolai isn’t just some figure of mystery and intrigue. He’s still a person, and he’s so, so tired of it all.

I also had a phase where I really got into picking apart Pyotr Verkhovensky’s character. As a psych grad, it’s so fascinating to see the theories I’ve learned that touch on the effects of parental neglect come alive through Pyotr. This, coupled with that childhood fear of his, molded him into the master manipulator that he was. Everything he does is for the sake of harnessing control, even if it makes him look stupid in the eyes of others. Pyotr’s “deference” to Nikolai is not an actual display of submission — it’s only a front, because what he really aims to do is to gain control of the latter through such an act. He’s boot-licking since he needs the influence that Nikolai has, not because he truly respects or sees him as someone so great; at the end of the day, it’s all about control. It’s why Pyotr does a complete 180-degree turn and goes from calling Nikolai the “sun” to “scoundrel” when he heard about him leaving town. And I bet that that struck a really sensitive nerve in Pyotr, having been abandoned by his own father as a child. I’ve also noticed something about him — he has his way with using his words on others so they’d go along with what he wants to do, but whenever someone attacks him with facts (e.g. Yulia Mikhailovna calling him out on his behavior towards Andrei Antonovich; Fedka telling him that he’s but a yapping dog and that Nikolai sees it as “...a great honor just to spit on him from above”), he cannot, for the life of him, handle it at all. Like, he gets MAD mad when someone lays the truth on him.

I want to take a moment and talk about the women in the story, too. I tweeted about the theme of the women being the men’s scapegoats for their wrongdoings. We see this with Yulia Mikhailovna, whose “idiotic behavior” was used to cover up Pyotr’s machinations behind the chaos that ruined the fête; I don’t intend to rid her of her influence in what happened, because she did have a hand in it, too; but it’s reductive and irresponsible to say that it was simply her who caused everything to go to shit. After all, Pyotr was the one who was living off of the influence she had, and he was using her as a pawn in his game, as well. Another example is Liza’s death. She’s killed by the townspeople because she was Nikolai’s mistress, and they believed her to be the reason why the Lebyadkins were killed, thus leading to the devastating fire that razed Zarechye. I can get behind that, but where’s the violence that is to be directed towards Nikolai himself? It takes two to tango, so why is he not getting the same kind of heat? There’s also Pyotr, who had orchestrated everything to lead her to Skvoreshniki. Again, I’m not saying Liza’s without agency (because she did choose to go there herself), but it was still a man who guided her down that path to destruction. 

One thing that sat at the back of my head and really weighed me down during my read was the scarcity of love in the story. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s entirely loveless, because there were moments where love was present (e.g. Mavriky’s acceptance of Liza even after everything that has happened, Kirillov’s support while Marie was on the brink of childbirth; and Shatov seeing a new beginning for his family after the birth of the baby), but the chaos and despair just greatly outweighed it. I didn’t expect it to feel light, anyway (like of course it wouldn’t be that way, this is a Dostoevsky novel, duh), but the experience was just really bleak. 

There are little genuine relationships in this novel, too. Everyone is constantly trying to one-up everyone else, and this post will not end if I decide to cite them all and analyze them. They're all constantly grappling for power over another person, and the lengths that they'd go to are even self-sabotaging. Like, "never mind if I look like a fool, hurt myself or others in the process; what matters is that I come on top of everyone." And of course, as I've discussed in an older post, you can't expect love to come out of a relationship that's borne out of the struggle for control and dominance.

I knew that everything was going to go to shit at the end of the novel, but the awareness of such did not dull the pain at all. Watching it actually go down as I was reading so horribly was still hard for me. I think what really killed me about Nikolai’s fate was Kirillov’s words about him: “...if Stavrogin believes, he doesn’t believe that he believes; but if he doesn’t believe, then he doesn’t believe that he doesn’t believe.” Nikolai’s not entirely convinced of his own faithlessness, much less comfortable with his nihilism. Up until the end he was looking for something to believe in, but as fate would have it, he’s unable to find what he was looking for. Like Tikhon said, Nikolai doesn’t want to be just lukewarm. He’d settle to either be warm or cold, even, but he can’t, because he doesn’t know how to escape the prison of the existential emptiness that he’s got inside of him. 

This leads me back to Kirillov, too. When Pyotr came to him to make sure that he would follow through with their agreement, I could feel Kirillov hesitating to kill himself. I don’t think I breathed when I was reading that part. I felt like he, too, was looking for a way out of this bargain with Pyotr, but alas, he couldn’t find it. 

And Shatov. God. His death happened so fast (as in the way it was narrated). It absolutely broke me how a few moments ago he was so happy, so excited to have Marie back and become a father to their baby (well, I know it isn’t his, but that’s Shatov’s baby. Period.) And then… It was all gone. Just like that. I had to take a moment after that chapter to debrief myself because it was just so sudden. I have no other words for this bit, honestly.

I want to say more, but I fear I’d be rambling too much already. I might put out separate posts according to a specific theme or element that I wanna discuss, but so far, this is all I have to say about Demons. Jesus Christ. 10/10, would probably read again, but not in the near future because it was just too much. Right now I’m just excited to integrate everything I’ve learned into my fanfiction since I’ve got a more confident grasp on the enigma that is Nikolai Stavrogin. God, I wanna make him suffer all over again. See you all in my next post about this damn novel. 

[fareehaandspaniards]

Ultimative Rom post

I was going to post my headcanons, but this turned out to be basically a chronological sequence of facts about her life, almost a biography (as always, I am sorry ).

Thank you, @pyro-madder for the opportunity to finally talk about Rom! I hope you will enjoy that!

Rom's father was a physician and biologist who researched the fauna of the Yharnam counties. He was one of the "old school" doctors - a graduate of Byrgenwerth, a conservative.

So how about the family drama? Here we go. At first he had an affair with a poor woman named Aglaya, Micolash's mother. But after learning of her pregnancy, he disappeared from her life and began a new affair, from which Rom was born. Rom spent a few years of happy childhood with her parents, and then both died in a fire. That's how Rom ended up in an orphanage.

Rom has been very curious since childhood. She was often scolded by her mother for eating grass and flowers xd And one time she even ate a bug… No evil intentions, it was just her way of exploring the world!

She has one single photo left from her parents, capturing her in a cute dress and her mom and dad. She got her red curls from her dad.

Rom's orphanage had strict discipline and focus on the old Yharnam religion (I don't want to openly call this religion Catholicism because it's not :0 But the vibes are generic. Reminds me of the movie adaptation of the novel Jane Eyre, where little Jane gets to go to school). But her extraordinary intelligence helped her stay afloat amidst cruelty and other people's malice, and then her relatives showed up - an uncle and aunt close to her dead father.

They helped Rom to enroll in Byrgenwerth, as the girl showed talent and curiosity for science and medicine. After spending a short time with her relatives, she studied the entire home library, and also at family evenings talked about her observations of the flora and fauna around their estate.

In Byrgenwerth, Rom was quiet at first. She endured ridicule for her red curls and overweight figure. A few generations ago, though, such a figure had been valued more than any other in Yharnam - it showed a healthy body and the ability to bear children.

Almost immediately Rom had a friend, Yurie, a girl who wore a male uniform. They studied at different faculties - Yurie aspired to become a chemist. And it was Yurie who had started this friendship, too. Rom didn't know, but despite her cold temperament, Yurie fell in love with her almost at first sight and was eager to protect her. And she was good at it! But she couldn't express her feelings. Therefore, she was often silent, rebuking Rom or resentful.

At first, Rom became friends with another young man. It seemed to her that she was making friends. The son of a wealthy family, an ambitious historian and future doctor, Laurence, with whom they had once teamed up to pass an exam. But Laurence quickly saw her as a competitor, and also experienced unwanted sympathy, and became her biggest bully. And created for her very many unpleasant situations, shameful and ugly. Her skirt fell off in front of everyone, her chair got dirty, rumors started, and many, many other things that silly children like to do (even if they are adults) :0

But the insults from Laurence allowed her to meet another victim of his taunts. A young man confined to a wheelchair, pale and seemingly almost dead - Caryll. Frustrated and genuinely hating Laurence, Caryll felt sympathy for Rom. So did she for him. This allowed the two to grow close. Gradually, an affection grew between her and Caryll. Rom even felt in love. One night the two of them spent together, secretly, on a Byrgenwerth balcony. They tried to kiss and tried to become a couple. But such feelings are not for Caryll, he loves differently. During that night they shared almost everything - life story, troubles, resentments, joys, secrets, and Caryll even told her about his dreams, how he often has nightmares related to multi-armed monsters (*wink wink*). They became best friends, and in fact, almost family.

Rom and Caryll also found a friend in the main comforter of all students, the librarian Damian. According to my headcanons, Damian is a former graduate of Byrgenwerth and a failed doctor. He was unable to start work as a doctor, and so he asked Master Willem to set him up at his alma mater. Willem valued him as an apprentice, so sometimes Damian got essays of Willem's written works, and those related to the research of the catacombs of Pthumeru once fell into Micolash's hands carelessly… But that's another story xd In the library Damian could do what he loved most - sorting, record keeping and, most importantly, guardianship and supervision. And there was always tea and his cookies available in his library.

There was also another man who had studied at Byrgenwerth. Unfashionable and strange to everyone, but too independent, proud and cunning to be an object of ridicule (In fact, Lawrence was very interested in him). Micolash. He and Rom talked, saw each other, though they were in different faculties, but sometimes found themselves in classes together. They were good together, comfortable. They were both drawn to each other's intellect. And… Romantic feelings were born in Micolash's heart. (Sorry, I really love love and everything related to it, in my stories crushes and feelings are VERY IMPORTANT xD It's my way of exploring characters). But her red curls kept reminding him of something he couldn't guess himself. He began to search for the cause of his embarrassment. Started looking for Rom's papers, found her last name. He found her parents' names on the paperwork. And the name of her father awakened a memory in his mind! Micolash found out about their kinship by breaking into Rom's dorm room while she was away and searching all her things. One picture in her things was enough for him to realize everything. He was hurt and offended because the only person who had attracted his mind and heart turned out to be not just a relative, but the daughter of the man who had once abandoned his mother, leaving her and little Micolash to live in terrible conditions, and also making the woman suffer for him for the rest of her life.

(Forgive me for the Santa Barbara xD)

Over the course of their studying, the relationship between them all only grew stronger. Caryll and Rom had become literally inseparable! Yurie was still wooing Rom, but from afar, without talking to Caryll. She wanted to look strong and tough in Rom's eyes, but she didn't realize that she didn't realize it. Rom had gotten prettier over the years, and that was helped a lot by Caryll supporting her and forcing her to eat food so she wouldn't get physically exhausted, bailing her out of her depression. By this point Caryll had already suffered a small clinical death, and Willem had injected him with a portion of the Great Ones' blood as an experiment. He had already started dreaming about the Runes, hearing voices, and had gotten quite a bit of insight! He even changed his wheelchair to a cane - his legs could move, but only weakly! And only worked when injected with a dose of blood. Rom became more independent and began to engage in debates with Laurence during lectures and outside of school. And even managed to shame him once (piquing his interest even more). Rom was gradually transforming into a grown woman - her body was transforming, as was her mindset. She became one of Willem's favorite students - demonstrating theories on the effects of flowers and plants on perception, as well as (without knowing it herself), revealing the unusual nature of Lumenflowers. Also during this time Damian and Micolash became a couple, and Damian couldn't devote much time to the students besides him. But he and Rom still kept exchanging things and stuff - like scented soap, cloth, and other household trifles.

Laurence had changed, too, and so had Rom. And he had gotten away from the "spoiled boy" image with what Gehrman had helped him by becoming somewhat of a father figure to him. Laurence looked forward to the future, communicated with Willem and promoted the theory of the Blood, studying it with Willem himself. Thanks to Laurence also, one day Willem took the students on a field trip to the catacombs, where Laurence was able to collect even more samples. At this time, Willem also starts working with a rebellious knight from Cainhurst, who actively helps with the exploration of the catacombs in exchange for shelter and organizes his own little order, which he named after the warrior-soldiers in Cainhurst and one of his old mentors (Logarius! I'll write about him later for sure! In another huge as Bayle post of headcanons).

There goes a visit to Fishing Hamlet! Which had already been destroyed by the hunters, Maria and Gehrman were already here, as well as Willem and Logarius. The students visited what was left. But were able to see the corpse of the Great One. And it affected each of them in its own way! But it was Kos's parasites that interested Rom. She spent a long time rummaging among the snails and worms, examining and studying. She even found the corpse of a female snail in a pile of rot. And something was keeping her in suspense. Everyone around her was grieving, and she couldn't do it. She just couldn't feel the bitterness and fear and remained calm. She felt interest and excitement. She felt not the pain of Kos, but the remnants of her spirit and desire to live that were leading her to the sea!

Laurence contemplates a future marriage, the first project of treatment with purified blood appears, and the study of sea water. And… He has a weakness for Rom, who absolutely does not care about him! He saw in her, finally, not a rival, but a beautiful young woman with a brilliant mind and extraordinary character. He even offered her an engagement, it would be beneficial to both of them. But Rom refused (and Caryll showed him a middle finger lol).

Rom hates direct eye contact. She also has a hard time understanding irony and sarcasm - she takes everything literally. Rom is great with facts and direct arguments! She's also a perfectionist. Sometimes she felt like she was forcing herself to express emotions and doing it "too" artistic? She really wanted to let others know how she felt because she was considered "ice cold" at the shelter. (Yes, she is autistic. And I haven't yet consulted with my friends who have autism about how Rom might feel. And I've only used what I've read myself (or seen) to create it. But if you disagree with my view of her as autistic person, please text me and tell me what's wrong, I need corrections)

Rom met Gehrman at Willem's request (much to Laurence's delight). And she also met the huntress Maria, originally from Cainhurst. The four spent one evening in his workshop, and Rom enjoyed listening to stories of his life. Actually, she and Maria found common ground too - with the help of blood gems. However, Maria always felt uncomfortable around Rom. Under Rom's gaze, it was hard for her to say anything, she felt guilty and ashamed of what she was doing. Rom didn't understand her feelings, but she realized that something was wrong with her.

Opening of the Research Hall. Rom was supposed to work there as a doctor. But positions and jobs don't interest her much, she cares about research. She works with parasites and injects seawater into herself. Rom researches growing eyes on people, and here she is helped by Caryll, keeping an eye on her health. Rom gradually becomes a patient of her own free will, and lives on the upper levels of the Research Hall, in a laboratory, alone, visited only by her doctor.

Rom's hair is almost impossible to put together in a neat bundle - it will always stick out in different directions. Despite the fact that she and Micolash are complete opposites, they have a lot of similarities - those protruding locks of hair, the frown, the passion for unethical research lol

Laurence, already a vicar, Willem's assistant, begins now to care for her openly. His work takes up all his time, but he carves out hours to check on Rom and ask the doctors what is happening to her. He sends her small gifts and food and tries to visit her. And… She reciprocates. I can't count how many shitpost sketches I have in my head about this. Because Caryll was horrified when he found out that Rom had forgiven Laurence for all his wrongdoings and become his lady of the heart!

The Tomb Prospectors under the command of Ludwig, a knight from the southern lands, are hard at work for the Church. Olek, Gremia and Damian are among his charges. Tomb Prospectors discover the first Augur of Ebrietas, and Laurence, as a gift (giving her food for thought, so to say) gives him to Rom to examine. Augur lives in Rom's terrarium and crawls on her hands. She discovers that it gives off vibrations similar to those she heard in the Fishing Hamlet. And she discovers that Augur has the ability to leave burns on her skin. These burns are treated by Caryll and kissed by Laurence.

Yurie also works at the Research Hall. But Rom won't let her near her. And the girl's broken heart is healed by another lady doctor of the Research Hall named Madlene (And in the future it will be Imposter Iosefka)! Also, Yurie picks up her little nephew named Edgar from the orphanage :^)

Micolash ignores his sister. He is solely researching Saint Adeline and making her his own test subject (At her own will). From the moment he found out about their sibling bond, Micolash and Rom have been distant from each other and even feuding. He now considers Rom "unhinged" and "stupid" because of her research methods. He believes that trying everything on her body is barbaric and a waste of resource.

Tomb Prospectors dubbed Rom a "hottie" when they saw her with Damian! :D

Also Rom is incredibly tall among all other women! (Except for Maria maybe who is also tall) Rom is 6′ 0″, and while Laurence 5' 5" lol... They are quite a funny couple. But Laurence never complains. Actually he has the best view when he talks to her.

Rom is the first to bandage her eyes to discover her new vision. And is the first to start seeing "more". Caryll helps her settle into life with the insight lol. Her bandaged eyes will become the basis for the Choir hat.

Rom and Laurence go on dates when she manages to get out of her research center and he manages to get out of the Church. But Rom is more interested in discussing augurs than romance, and Laurence has to temper his own passionate feelings for her each time. Still, the two gradually come to bodily intimacy. Laurence also becomes very caring. He feels like a child with her, and suddenly begins to show guardianship and attentiveness.

Rom studies the Augurs and hears their call. She learns from their singing about the "daughter of the stars". And builds a theory about the sacredness of the mother-child bond.

She and St. Adeline had seen each other several times. And they saw each other as rivals - both aspiring to the Great Ones in their own measure. Adeline wished to have a child, she heard voices in her head assuring her that Kos was blessing mothers and families, and that would set Rom on a future idea >>>

Rom makes a plan for her own pregnancy. She wouldn't admit it, but she sees Laurence as her instrument. Her research takes her head over heels, and takes her very much away from the people closest to her. In an attempt to learn more about the Great Ones, she even rummages into Caryll's papers, waiting until he falls asleep to check what he has in his researches. Rom realizes Kos's mother nature, and tries to make contact, again using only herself for the experiment. And this idea she shares with Willem, who is proud of Romina and supportive, helping to plan for all future consequences. He becomes her new "family". And now she gets secrets from her two favorite people, Laurence and Caryll.

She does become pregnant after a night with Laurence. She hears much, much more. And one night a call comes to her, a real crying cry for help. She hears Ebrietas. (Laurence is the last to learn of this news. But he is still happy and hopes that they can become a family)

Ebrietas, discovered by Tomb Prospectors in the catacombs of Isz, is frightened and confused. She screams into the void, and Rom takes her signal as a beacon. Several Tomb Prospectors die in the battle with Ebrietas, and the survivors experience their first doubts about what they are doing. The monster that tore and trampled their companions is elevated to "Holy" by the Church, and no one mentions the dead so as not to taint the image of the new icon. Damian renounces here the teachings of the Church. But despite his resentment towards Rom, because she doesn't seem to care about his grief, he maintains a friendship with her, albeit a weak one.

Speaking of how Ebrietas ended up in the Church, or rather, in a large cave under the Upper Cathedral Ward. I think it was simply that there were ancient ruins under the Cathedral District that Ibraitas managed to "summon" to. Honestly, I have no idea how else she could have been transported xd Crawling through the catacombs and the city? Nuh uh. Teleport? Maybe. Or summoning with ritual and stuff in a certain place where the voices and whispers are particularly strong.

Rom is known as "weird" in the Healing Church, and it is known to quite a few that she is the vicar's sweetheart. Logarius is very judgmental of the vicar for allowing a woman taking up his precious time. But Laurence is a good enough leader to not let him talk about it much xd

Around this point, Micolash already has intentions of leaving the Church and establishing his own line of study of the Great Ones. Damian is absolutely on his side, for his encounter with Ebraitas has left a wound on his soul, as well as a deep aversion to the Church's perception of the Great Ones. They both choose Kos as their beacon, separating her from the rest of the Great Ones. Damian and Rom are forced to cut off their friendship for good.

The Choir was founded! And Rom becomes its idol and prophet (My version of Rom in the transparent blue dress is already relevant here. This dress was created for her by Laurence, or rather, designed for her by him). He decorated it with stars. Rom didn't do any more research. She only broadcast Ebrietas' will and communicated with her. Her body starts changing - a plate of chitin appears on her cheek, one eye darkens, and the pupil in it multiplies by eight. She begins to grow flowers that will cover her entire body in the future.

Caryll leaves the church to pursue the study of runes at the Mensis School, and… Rom, to his surprise, feels nothing. Moreover, because of her prolonged contact with Ibraitas, she begins to forget her old life and the people she loves.

Rom's child is never born - she loses the child. But that child will return to her, becoming a multitude of spiders that appear with her during the battle. Laurence has been heartbroken - his girlfriend, his love, the one he chose to marry - has isolated herself and given herself over to an insight. He wanted to be a father. And all their shared dreams of a family went down the drain. But he doesn't complain - his feelings are less important, than coming fall of Healing Church and Yharnam that Laurence can feel. He never knew that he was part of her plan. Though Rom did love him. But curiosity was paramount.

Yurie went from the Research Hall to the Choir, following Rom. But Rom hardly noticed her attempts to protect and be near her. And this annoyed Madlene (Imposter Iosefka), who despised not only Rom's working methods but also her impulsive nature.

Rom and Ebrietas find each other as two halves. A daughter finds future mother. An orphan meets a similar orphan. They resonate with each other in the strongest possible way, and Rom learns to understand her by transmitting the Great One's speech. Rom spends all her time with Ebrietas. And will exist next to Ebrietas without reacting to anyone around her. Everyone will think she's lost her mind, but Caryll will know it's still the same Rom, just on different levels and planes.

Rom will exist already as a spider and she will be visited by Laurence, Caryll, Yurie and then Damian will come to her when his life's work proves to be a failure. Willem never came to her - he had stopped contacting anyone. But really, Rom and he didn't need to - Willem knew his apprentice had ascended.

And then she'll shelter Yahar'gul at the cost of herself. And Micolash will be annoyed - such potential, and wasted. Rom achieved what he couldn't - Contact. And wasted it, in his opinion. That's why he calls her an "idiot."

I can say that Rom has always been a loner, and even being surrounded by people - she remained lonely. Only Caryll could understand her and was practically her soulmate, but gradually they started to keep secrets from each other - secret knowledge creates jealousy and fear. She experimented only on herself, not out of fear of harming others, but more out of a desire to feel the results, even if it hurt and was bad. She is probably the most successful of scientists - she accomplished her goal.

I apologize for the amount of text! Adding my old art with Rom: (just because)

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hey my Tumblr Peeps😁I have a treat for you, not only I'm gonna write another One Piece fanfic, however considering that I have been noticing that there are people (aside from myself) who is a fan of Bartolomeo, I decided to give writing about him a try🔰😃👍

*This fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs😅

🔰Why Do Want To Join My Crew?🔰(Bartolomeo x Afab (assigned female at birth) Reader)

Genres: Comfort, Possible Smut, Possible Angst (Warnings +18⚠️: Sexual Comments, mentions of cheating (niether the reader nor Barto are part of cheating), Language, possible mentions of jealousy, alcohol use (and reference))

You were one of Bartolomeo's childhood friends and one of his secret crushes. While he did worship Luffy since the incident in the Loguetown where he saw Luffy escape from Buggy (which prevented Buggy from executing Luffy), you are also very, precious to him in many ways. Unfortunately, you had a boyfriend before at the time prior to Bartolomeo becoming a captain of his own crew and what makes things worse for Barto is the fact that your boyfriend is a captain of his own crew, because you ended up joining your boyfriend's crew before Luffy inspired Barto to become a pirate and even joined your boyfriend's crew (and dated him) before Barto was able to confess his love for you.

Bartolomeo was happy for you and all, however eversince he met your boyfriend (and captain), he always has been feeling off about him. Barto has been tolerating him, especially to save your feelings, however there was just something he doesn't like about your boyfriend. Barto wasn't sure if he was jealous of your captain or if there was another reason he's easily irritated deep down, however he just has always felt off about that captain who you were in a relationship with.

Sometime after Bartolomeo and his crew formed an alliance with the Strawhats (Luffy and his crew), it became a coincidence that he bumped into you, as he notices you were currently in the same exact area of the same village without the captain or any of the rest of the captain's crew. Barto was surprised and excited to see you (even though he tried his best to contain his excitement). You were actually low-key happy to see him, as you gave him a hug. You asked him about how he has been doing and he actually was more than happy to tell you about his adventures with his crew, how he met his hero Luffy and other stuff he was super excited to tell you, even tough he believes that you only wanted to check on him to see how he was doing, as friends do. You listened to every word he told you, as you admitted being happy to hear that he's doing well. After he finished talking about his adventures, you then asked, "I hate to intrude on you or anything, however may I join your crew? Navigator or possibly any position you set me up in for your crew? If I can't join your crew, may I atleast tag along for a while, Barto?".

Bartolomeo was actually confused and surprised that you have asked the questions that you had asked him, as it took him a minute to think about your questions, as he then answered, "I'm confused... You want to join my crew? We will talk about that later, considering that I thought you were in a crew with, (captain name).", as he then smiled ashe continued, "However you can certainly tag along with me and my crew... I certainly don't mind...". You were actually glad he was going to let you atleast tag along, however you were surprised with his answer. It's not actually about his confusion, however it was how he answered you, as you somehow, expected him to not even let you tag along.

It was sunset, when you and Bartolomeo went on his ship and you were fascinated with how his ship was set up. You then asked him, if he did have his own room and if you could have alone time in his room if he did have his own room on his ship, which made him blush and was surprised you asked him this, so ofcourse he's going to tell you yes. He would never turn down any opportunity to hangout with you, especially without that captain you were around alot.

The next thing you did was follow Bartolomeo inside his room, as you became very fascinated to see, how he decorated his room. "I see, you liked what I did with decorating my room, (Afab reader name)...", he happily cooed before offering you an alcoholic beverage he knew you enjoy drinking. Once the both of you started drinking, he then said, "I will admit... I was shocked you asked me the questions and I'm honestly most shocked about the fact you asked me to let you join my crew... As much as I would be more than happy to let you join my crew, let me get something straight... You were in a crew with your boyfriend (captain name), who I thought was still your captain... I really don't know what to make of this... So, if you don't mind, I would like to hear your explanation on any motives you might have about asking me to let you join my crew, (Afab reader)...", as your questions from earlier were the main things that crossed his mind, as he was having mixed feelings of concern, happy, and frightened, while making sure not to jump to any conclusions about your questions you asked him earlier.

You were annoyed about something he said, as you were trying to keep as calm as possible as you explained, "It's complicated, Barto... I really thought my captain loved me... A few months ago, he had me fetch him a keg of beer... Unfortunately after I got back to his ship with a keg of beer I fetched for him, I caught him and another crew member having sex together... I snapped asking the both of them what's going on, to let them know I caught him cheating, because it was fucken obvious that he was letting her ride on him... After I asked, they were shocked I caught them, then they stopped fucking together, as he then told me that he no longer wants to be with me and I'm no longer his navigator... I was confused as I asked what did he mean by what he said, because I thought I have been doing an amazing job as a navigator and I treated him well, so he told me this woman who is part of his crew is my replacement, because I'm so horrible in bed that he couldn't help look at me anymore and that if anyone else finds out how horrible I would be to have sex with, they would cheat on me and/or wouldn't want me in their crew and that I would be the most unlovable person, where I'd be the most impossible to love... So, his philosophy is that if I'm horrible in bed, then I'm also a horrible navigator, crew mate, and lover anyone could ever have... So, eversince (captain name) started fucking his mistress who is his other fucken crew mate, dumped me, and kicked me out of his crew, I pretty much traveled alone... I did overhear plenty of people talk about your hero Luffy, his crew, you, and your crew often... Tough I haven't talked to anyone until we bumped into eachother and it was a complete coincidence... I'm actually surprised you still talked to me... I mean I wasn't trying to get at anyone nor was I being desperate by any means... I just want you to know I want to make things right, if I do join your crew... Just ask me for anything and I will try my best for whatever you ask... Tough, I might be terrible at anything you ask me to do, to warn you...", before you looked down at the floor. Barto was shocked about what he heard from you, however he was still confused about what you meant when you said about making things right. He also notices your felt really degraded.

Bartolomeo then asked, "What do you mean when you said about making things right? And doing anything I ask even tough you believe you can't do things right? Do you actually believe you have to be perfect in bed to be considered as someone'a amazing significant other and a great navigator?". You then began to sob, as you broke down in tears, proceeding to hug him. Barto then had his arms around you, while petting your head with his left hand. He just truly felt bad for what your ex captain (who is your ex boyfriend) did to you. Now Barto figured that no matter if he was jealous of (captain name) or not, he now has found a reason why he couldn't stand your ex. Your ex turned out to be that bad, after all.

Bartolomeo then calmly said, "You don't have to worry about being good at everything, sweetie... Infact, nobody is perfect... I can just tell from what you're telling me, he hurt your self-esteem really bad... Since you seemed to have good motives to join my crew, I will let you join... Just hear me out... I've been wanting to tell you this for a very long time... I had been in love with you for a long time... Even before I became inspired by my hero Luffy, to become a captain of my own crew... I will understand, if you only like me, as a friend... I rather not pressure you into anything... I just want you to be yourself... Fuck what anyone else thinks of you, (Afab reader name)... Sorry to say this, but fuck what your ex thinks of you, too... I knew something was off about him, it's just I didn't know he would stoop low as he did... Even Luffy would be ashamed of him, because how much of a disgrace he turned of to be, if he was to find out about it... I shit you not... Luffy would also be very livid to hear what your ex did to you, needless to say... I'm saying this, out of a captain's love, considering I will be your new captain now and you asked me to join your crew... So, all I'm asking you is to not push yourself into any favors, and you to be your own person... Seriously... Just because I have a huge crush on you and I'm your captain now doesn't mean, you have to throw yourself at me and be an object to pleasure me... Okay, (Afab reader name)?". You then stop sobbing, as you replied, "Okay, Barto... Thank you for being there for me, especially when I needed you... And may I hug you, atleast a little longer?". He then replied back, "No problem and go ahead... And that's what I'm here for, so hug me, as long as you need to, my precious angel...".

After that evening or night, you began to realize you were a part of a crew that really cares about you. Yes, even your captain Bartolomeo truly cares about you, obviously. It did took some time, however you and Barto took some time with your relationship with him, considering that it turned out, you felt the same way for him, as he does for you. It's like the both of you are soulmates, who are destined to be together.

A bonus for Bartolomeo is when he saw your ex hanging out with his mistress, Barto madesure to wait for your ex's mistress to go to another area, where your ex would be alone, before Barto does beat the crap out of your ex. The way Barto beat up you ex (captain name) alone, will tell your ex how Barto truly feels about him and Barto madesure your ex paid for what he did to you.

🔰The End🔰

Okay my Tumblr Peeps😃👍While I did get inspired to write some ideas down for this particular One Piece fanfic, I honestly have been wanting to write a fanfic about Bartolomeo for a while, especially before reading some fanfics pertaining him and a few fanfics that pertain characters from a different anime😁🔰While it's rare I write about the character beating up the reader's ex (which was something I have written in 1 of my Bleach fanfics), for this fanfic it was kinda a last minute idea while writing this fanfic😅 Aside from the character, no matter what character I write about I honestly wanted to write a fanfic with some ideas the way I have written this fanfic and I did my best to be creative with this fanfic best I could think of writing🔰💡😃👍As for grammar, if I made any spelling or grammar mistakes, it might be because I really wanted to write this fanfic about Bartolomeo and I may have rushed with the fanfic where I forgot to check it😅 Otherwise I hope you enjoyed this fanfic about him, and I really had fun writing this fanfic about Barto🔰😁👍

*Fun Fact: While I was reading one of the chapters of One Piece, for what Bartolomeo did to the guys talked trash about Luffy, I honestly don't blame Barto at all and this is why I have tons of respect for Barto🔰Ofcourse he's 1 of the characters I'm keen on😃🔰

[heliads]

Hello Could i request Genya x Fem!Reader where Y/N is Nikolai's little sister and just about Genya's age so they used to play together a lot when they were little. Since Y/N was from the royal family she had little to no freedom and 0 opportunity to make friends, so Genya was her only one and they grew up together. I just picture her sneaking into Genya's room and climbing into her bed when she had a nightmare because the queen didn't like her sleep being disturbed and Genya braiding her hair until she calms down. Nnow that they're older, they're slowly learning that this friendship could be something more. Just a very soft childhood bestfriends to lovers, you know? Thank you anyway

'my home is you' - genya safin

masterlist

A lot is expected of the princess of Ravka. She must sit straight in every assembly, no matter how long or tedious the function. She must be able to converse with foreign dignities without seeming too exuberant or, worse still, not interested enough in many hours’ worth of old war stories. She must connect with her people, but still float above each and every crowd. And, most pressingly of all, she must be able to learn a hundred state secrets and then abstain from the urge to immediately gossip about them with her oldest friend. Especially if that friend is a Tailor and a lady’s maid to boot.

Genya Safin sits across the small round table from you, fingers idly tapping on the creamy tablecloth. In front of her rests a teacup, mostly untouched. Neither of you are here for the tea itself, more the information that comes with each and every delicate china cup. In the process of growing up and into your role as the darling princess of Ravka, you’ve been doing your best to maintain decorum. It would be wrong to immediately spill your true feelings on the latest round of political appointees to Genya. It would also be exactly what you want to do.

You take a sip from the cup in front of you as a way to buy yourself time. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when you invited Genya over to your quarters for tea, but you’d like to at least try to hold out for as long as possible. You can do this. You don’t have to tell your best friend everything.

“Nice weather we’re having,” you muse.

Genya arches a brow. “Indeed. It was also nice out last night at the diplomat’s ball, was it not?”

“It was,” you state, eyeing her cautiously.

The corners of Genya’s mouth flash up into a barely obscured smile. “You looked lovely that night. Have you captured the hearts of any more suitors?”

You feel your cheeks heat up and look away, eyeing the pattern woven into the tablecloth even more thoroughly than before. Every girl blushes to discuss potential suitors with her friends, but for some reason, discussing the men and women that you may marry feels even more embarrassing in front of Genya. 

Although you love talking over anything and everything with the redhead, there’s something about your marriage prospects that feels almost wrong to bring up in front of her. You want to guard her from it, almost, pretend as if you’ll never have to be married off even though both of you know it’s only a matter of time. You’re a princess, and at some point, you may even be queen. Although your two older brothers will likely fight amongst themselves for that title far before you could ever claim it, you’ll still have plenty of merit as a political pawn.

So, when it becomes clear that Genya is still waiting for an answer, you sigh and give in. “Yes, Genya, I danced with several young men. Charming, all of them.”

Genya gives you a knowing look. “Really? All of them were charming?”

The teasing lilt of her voice brings down the last of your walls in one final tug. “No,” you admit in a rush, “They were terrible, Gen. Like you wouldn’t believe. The first one stepped on my feet five times in one waltz. Another wouldn’t stop preaching the virtues of Kerch beer, as if I’d ever willingly drink anything other than kvas or champagne. And the last one–”

You break off into a shudder. Genya leans forward, evidently delighted. “What did he do to be worse than the others? Did he actively declare war on Ravka?”

“Worse,” you grimace, “He said his sister was prettier than I was and offered to put me in touch with her so she could give me some beauty tips.”

Genya’s jaw drops. “No way. He couldn’t possibly have done such a thing.”

“He did,” you declare, still horrified over the memory even though it happened many hours ago, “I mean, it’s already a terrible faux pas to say someone isn’t pretty, but to say that his sister was better– There’s so many problems there, Genya. So many.”

“So many,” Genya agrees, laughing. “Oh, that’s horrific. You poor thing.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” you say crossly, “I have been suffering. And yes, I am quite aware that it sounds foolish to complain of being the belle of a ball, but I was deeply unhappy the whole time.”

Genya smiles again, just barely managing to suppress her laughter. “I’m not making fun of you, darling, you know I could never do that. I just think it’s funny that you’re hung up on some boy who’s that blind. I couldn’t fathom looking at you and not being blown away. You’ve always been pretty to me.”

“Because of your handiwork?” You ask, one brow raised.

Genya shakes her head definitively. “A little bit, maybe, I shan’t deny my talents, but not completely. You’re a lovely, lovely girl. Even when you’re gossiping about political matters that you had better keep to yourself.”

You poke her in the arm. “You can’t chide me for gossiping, Genya, when you’ve been practically dragging the information out of me. You’re a terrible influence.”

She grins broadly. “Don’t I know it? And don’t give me that look, Y/N, I think you need my terrible influence. It makes you well-rounded if you’re both angelic and terrible.”

You laugh quietly to yourself. “Well, I appreciate your efforts. I’m sure the suitors will be glad of it.”

Genya’s smile slips slightly. “Yes, of course. The suitors.”

For some reason, the look on her face makes your stomach twist in an infinity of knots, so you quickly change the subject in an effort to see her smile at least one more time. “So you’ve been at this from the very start, huh? Even when we were children, your end goal was always to improve my character?”

“Always,” Genya snorts, “But maybe I just wanted a friend.”

“That too,” you smile softly. 

You’ve known Genya for a very long time indeed. Talking about the early days now brings back a rush of memories. You were just a little girl when Genya was brought to the palace, and you got along with her instantly. Both of you were about the same age, and although you were quiet around each other at first, it didn’t take long before you were the best of friends.

The Grand Palace of Os Alta wasn’t the friendliest place for a girl to grow up, especially not when you were under the influence of so much political pressure. For once, though, you didn’t spend endless cold winters walking by yourself through the empty halls. Genya was there, and Genya swore that you would never be alone again. From what you’ve seen, she intends to keep that promise for as long as you both may live.

Your parents were always busy with their lives as royals, so you didn’t see much of them. Your older brother Vasily was difficult, less pleasant to be around than not, so you avoided him as much as you could. Nikolai was much better, but he was gone before you knew it, off to the army and university. He was genuinely sorry to leave you, but he left anyway. Genya never left.

You have many, many memories of waking up in the cold darkness of your room, desperately alone and in need of company after a bad dream. You had tried to wake up the queen when you couldn’t sleep once and only once; your knuckles still smart from the memory of that mistake. Instead, on nights like those, you’d sneak into Genya’s room. She’d pull you under the covers so she could braid your hair with neat, skillful fingers, or you would talk quietly until both of you fell asleep.

There had been lovely days when the two of you explored the castle grounds, finding secret rooms or deserted corridors. After you were taught ballroom dance by the prickly dance master your parents employed, you dragged Genya out to one of the many ballrooms so the two of you could waltz around the empty space, twirling until you were dizzy and fell down, laughing, to the ground.

And then you had blinked and both of you were older, almost adults and expected to make your way in the world. Genya is still a constant in your life, but she’s different somehow. She’s more than a friend, but not quite a sister, something more. It’s a feeling you’ve never experienced before, even when presented with the most dashing of princes.

It’s a feeling that keeps repeating itself, over and over again when you least expect it. You try to push it from your mind, but then Genya does her hair differently and your heart won’t stop stumbling over itself. There is a lot demanded from you as princess, but when you’re with Genya, every stress is banished from your mind. All you can do is think about her, how to make her happy, how to chase each and every one of her smiles like seeing even one more will make you live forever.

This is wrong. You know who you are and what is expected of you, your future. The king and queen will pick out a noble or royal and you’ll marry them. Odds are, they won’t even be from Ravka, and you’ll disappear from your home forever to end up on strange lands, cursed to forever wander the halls of a palace that will always be unfamiliar to you. You’ll go to sleep with a stranger by your side, and when you close your eyes at last, you’ll dream of a girl with hair like burnished copper who used to know you better than anyone else, who you’ll never see again.

The future is terrifying, so you ignore it as best you can. No marriage proposals have been finalized, so you don’t have to think about them. Why should you, in fact, when Genya is here to tease you about your speeches at upcoming political banquets and endlessly dream up new ways to style your hair so she can stay close to you for as long as possible. You don’t have to think about anything else but her. You don’t need anyone else but her.

The thoughts feel as if they might consume you whole. You’ve started sleeping less and less, because whenever you dream, your mind torments you of visions in which you are married, but not to some nameless prince, but a girl with fiery hair who smiles at you like she loves you because she does. In your dreams, you have a home together just for the two of you, a home where no one bothers you or separates you. It is a paradise, and every time you wake up, you weep for the life you could have had.

It hurts to wake up from the dream and remember that it will never be yours, so you’ve started pushing off sleep in order to avoid that awful recollection that Genya is not yours, not like that, not ever. Dark circles form under your eyes; Genya fixes them every morning, chiding you for not going to bed early enough, but you never tell her that it’s done on purpose so you won’t be haunted by her.

She must guess at it, though, or at least be able to tell that the loss of sleep is your fault, because one evening when you’re about to push off unconsciousness for yet another night, Genya knocks on your door and announces that she’ll be forcing you to take care of yourself since you seem to be allergic to doing it yourself. When you stammer about it not being proper, she just laughs and says that you’ve been doing this for years, so how could you care about it being proper now?

You’ve never been able to argue with her, not really, so you push off the last of your principles and let her lead you back to bed like you’re a child again and still in need of her to make you safe again. You still need her like that, of course, but it’s different now. Everything is different now.

You let out an involuntary sigh of relief when your head hits the pillow. It’s been a long day, of a long string of long days, and the thought of sleep is, admittedly, quite wonderful at a time like this.

“See?” Genya chides from beside you, “You can let yourself rest, Y/N, no one will die because you decided to get a proper night’s sleep.”

“I know,” you mumble.

“Then why haven’t you been allowing yourself to go to bed?” She presses.

You look away. “Just busy, I guess.”

You can feel the weight of Genya’s stare burning into the side of your head even without looking directly at her. She has always been able to see directly through your lies, hasn’t she? “Just busy, huh? With what?”

“Princess things,” you mutter vaguely. “We have to, uh, think of suitors.”

Immediately, Genya goes stiff beside you. “Suitors? Now? Isn’t that a little early?”

You hate yourself for saying it, for ruining this moment, but it was the first thing that popped into your head. “I guess, but you can’t be too sure. It’s an important decision.”

“Most marriages are meant to be happy,” Genya comments, “Will yours be happy?”

There are many answers that you should give her. Yes. Of course. I’ll find a way. However, what comes out is a desperate, broken, “No.”

Genya lets out a quiet breath, reaching out an arm to pull you closer to her. “Why not?”

Your head is tucked against her collarbone, and you can hear the even rhythm of her heartbeat like a drum guiding you to peace. You don’t have it in you to lie, not anymore, so you whisper in the stillness of this shared night:  “Because it won’t be you.”

It is silent. Absolutely silent. The sound of Genya’s heartbeat seems a hundred times louder in the face of all that quiet. Genya has never had a problem saying the perfect thing as long as you’ve known her, but right now, not a single word comes to her lips. You wait for her to tell you that it’s okay, you wait for her to say anything, but nothing happens. You imagine a thousand scenarios– her, hating you forever, breaking that promise to never leave your side because you’ve done that first by being so stupid as to fall in love– each one worse than the one before it, each one capable of tearing your heart into a million awful pieces.

You should leave. It’s your room, but she doesn’t leave. If she wanted you, she would surely have said something by now. You start to pull away, but just when you’ve lifted your head enough that you can see her face, you realize that she doesn’t look angry at all, not in the slightest. In fact, she’s– she’s smiling.

You sit up slightly. Genya follows suit. “You want it to be me?” She asks at last, voice quiet from disbelief.

“I’ve always wanted it to be you,” you confess. “Is that okay?”

You’ve never seen a sunrise as bright as her expression right now. “Y/N, it’s more than okay,” she declares. “It’s fantastic.”

“Fantastic?” You repeat carefully.

“Fantastic,” she confirms. “I love you, Y/N. I love you more than anything.”

You have heard stories of people having their best and brightest dreams come true, of explorers discovering uncharted territories, of brave generals winning wars and soldiers coming home to their sweethearts. This one night blows all of them away. Right now, you think you are happier than anyone has ever been in their lives. The only person who could rival your sheer delight is Genya, and so long as she’s here with you, you know that you won’t have to fear unhappiness ever again.

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy, @budugu, @aoi-targaryen

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33

i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute

anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am

vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!

william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)

i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!

dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?

also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else

[sitp-recs]

Save the Date by @mallstars

Harry/Draco (2023, Explicit, 123k)

In the twelve years after the war, Harry attends sixteen weddings. As friends and acquaintances vow their lives to one another, he watches quietly from the sidelines. Step by step, Harry pieces himself back together, builds a life from the wreckage of his past and falls, slowly and thoroughly, for Draco Malfoy. A story told in sixteen parts, of patient and transformative love, of queerness, of reaching out and holding on. Featuring plenty of pining, Gilderoy Lockhart getting married in a fever dream of glitter and product placement, and Rita Skeeter spitting a steady stream of venom at Harry and Draco's every move.

“Perhaps this was how much of Divination worked. Showing you something you wanted, or didn't want, and urging you along a path. Sitting in the freezing ground on a Bulgarian mountain as the sun commenced its journey up the sky, Harry made a decision. He would get to know someone, the way he knew Ron and Hermione. Better, even, if he was capable of that. It was evident, really, who he wanted that person to be - and Padma seemed to approve. It had to be Draco Malfoy.”

Since I’ve been talking and getting asks about my most recent read I’ve decided this would be a good opportunity to write a brand new rec, and hopefully send more people on their way to this story. I’ve been in the mood for longer fics lately but it’s getting harder and harder to binge anything over 30k, so instead of pressuring myself to rush through it I’ve decided to take my sweet time and embrace the experience over the past week.

Curiously, I found this fic thanks to the author herself! We bonded over our shared interest in a niche fic kink (isn’t that how it always starts!) and she mentioned that earlier this year she published her first fic, one she was very proud of. Naturally I had to ask for a link to check it out and I’m so happy that I did. This story is a long, aching and deeply emotional love letter to Harry, carefully exploring his trauma and post-war struggles in such a compassionate way it gave me a lump in the throat. From dealing with his childhood abuse and a general lack of sense of purpose after the war, to coming to terms with his fame and sexuality to finally allowing himself to be happy and fulfill his resolution: getting to know someone, deeply. I love how that scene puts everything into motion, giving the fic a magical and serendipitous tone that helped me get through the angsty slow burn knowing that Drarry was more than endgame, it was inevitable. The tea leaves willed so!!!!

We follow Harry’s melancholy and introspective POV for about 12 years, each one marked by a different wedding he attends. There’s this weary wistfulness about the way he sees things that really touched me, as he struggles to find his place and pines on for Draco. We celebrate the friends and acquaintances we get to know through his eyes, one wedding at a time - and what a fantastic cast! I especially loved seeing more of Angelina as she’s not usually explored in fic. From Blaise’s to Lockhart’s to Ron’s to Hagrid’s, each wedding ceremony offers a new setting for Harry’s self-reflection and advances the Drarry agenda offering him new ways to get to know Draco and himself. They don’t always meet or talk but Draco’s always at the back of his mind, even before the resolution is made, and I found that quite romantic!

I wasn’t expecting this fic to span over so many years but instead of never-ending pain where you don’t quite understand why they can’t kiss and make out already, Harry’s pining is soft and tentative; it allows him to grow, explore his own sexuality and learn how to be comfortable in his own skin before reaching out to Draco. Despite being unavailable for some time, we don’t really need Draco’s POV to know he’s aching for Harry just as desperately. But we do get a glimpse of his mind through their correspondence, which is how they actually fall in love.

Watching their friendship blossom through the letters made me so soft and happy I didn’t want it to end. I think that was my favourite chapter and and I’m not even that much of an epistolary enthusiast! But their written exchanges create the most delicious anticipation and oh, when they finally get together they’re both so sure and devoted to each other it feels earned and right. I love how the fic paces the progression of Harry’s initial obsession towards a calmer, reserved and patient love. Just like he wished many years before, he gets to know someone deeply: this reformed and fascinating tea shop owner Draco, who adores his mom, is there for his friends, says Harry’s name with adoration and has a fondness for flowers and owls 🥹

If you’re looking for a cathartic pining!Harry journey, with gentle slow burn and satisfying payoff - the endearments! the smut! be still my heart - this long fic is an absolute treat. Check it out today then let’s get started on @mallstars’s new time loop wip!

Read on AO3!