#my friend showed me their textbook and it made a lot more sense tbh

[jynjackets]

IM FREE ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[crushzone]

omg can i request relationship hc with kei tsukishima as well

Absolutely, anon!! Only makes sense for the other Tsukki to get his love too. Here’s my relationship with Akiteru HC if you wanna check that out.

I’m also sorry my headcanons always turn into short semi-fic hybrids, I just get too invested in my imagination and Kei was a lot of fun to write for hehee.

Thank you @tedwardos and @nonexistent-social-life for bouncing some ideas with me, and coming up with Tsukkisaur HAHA. You guys are amazing. 😘💞

Being in a Relationship with Kei Tsukishima 👓🦖

How it all began:

Truthfully, I do not see Kei as someone who would fall in love or have a crush on anyone that easily. Therefore, I believe it would be appropriate if you are Yamaguchi’s distant relative who went to the same school.

As we all know, Yams would get bullied often in middle school, and even when he tried to stand up for himself, he gets pushed back down. So that’s why you always try to intervene, physically throwing your body between the bully and your relative with your bravest face.

However, they would just push you aside and go back to bullying Yams :(. You felt pretty dang helpless and very upset that you've been brushed off like a piece of garbage.

So as you are readying to tackle one of them, you stop when you hear an unfamiliar voice behind you. “Lame.”

You turn around angrily, thinking that it was directed at you, but is surprised when the tall blonde boy is looking above you, at the bullies.

One of them runs over to pick a fight with him, but he simply towers over them. Tsukki: “What?” then at that, they all run away, leaving you and Yams behind. You’re still unsure if he was also referring to you, but when you turn to look at the admiration in your relative’s eyes, you can’t help but look down at the bruises on your knees pathetically. 

All these times you’ve spent trying to protect him, only ends in failure, and then this boy comes by and saves him with barely any effort. You were rather jealous, and felt discredited, so you try to avoid Kei at all costs. Even just the sight of him walking by in the halls irk you.

And to your dismay, you are a little horrified to see that Yamaguchi had befriended him and is now constantly by his side. He’d asked you to hangout with him, and get to know Kei better, but you keep denying his efforts.

Meanwhile, the only thing Kei knows about you is your name, through Yams. But he doesn’t really know or care about you tbh, he’s got other things he’d rather be focused on, like volleyball.

THEN one day, Yamaguchi tells you that he is joining the volleyball team in middle school, and it would mean a lot to him if you go see Karasuno’s match with him and Kei.

You wanted to say no, but you love your relative, so you decided to go.

When you’re there, you never really spoke to Kei, only sticking to conversations with Yams. Then when you get to where the game is, you notice Kei’s awfully silent as he scans the court, not seeing his brother anywhere.

You wonder why he’s grown silent, but then when this one kid stalks over with a magazine in hand, saying that his brother is not even on the sidelines, you decide to shove the kid away because he’s being so annoying.

“Kei...let’s go.” You say, as you try to tug him away from the hood of his jacket. To your surprise, he follows you silently with his head down.

Tbh, you don’t really know the whole picture of what had happened, but he looks so down and vulnerable after the game, so you spent the rest of the day, trying to cheer him up with Yams.

Then the next day, you stop by his class during lunch to see how he’s doing, and is surprised to see that his demeanor had changed drastically. The sparkles in his eyes no longer there, as he ignores you when he steps out of homeroom.

That upsets you initially, but then you realize that whatever had just happened is probably a much bigger deal to him than his rude behavior just now. So you suck it up, and jog up to him, so you can walk to the canteen together, in silence.

He’s never expressed it, but your quiet presence is actually really comforting.

Then the next day, you do that again. And again. Before you know it, it became a thing for you and Kei to walk to lunch together. Sometimes, he’ll be the one to come over to your homeroom before you could go to his. “It’s nothing. My class just got out earlier, so I’m giving your lazy legs a break.”

Yamaguchi notices you and him getting closer over time, and it makes him very happy.

You begin to notice his subtle acts of thoughtfulness, such as when he’ll only eat half of his lunch so he can offer the other half to you; he knows you are absolutely in love with his mother’s cooking. It made you feel really bad because you don’t have a bento to offer him back; your parents are usually very busy so they don’t have time to pack you lunch, but you’ve been okay with that. 

The fact that you love his mother’s cooking also got him feeling a little smug tbh.

Because of this, you’d try to cook something for your own lunch. But c’mon, you are just a 6th grader, unsupervised in the kitchen (lol), so you could only make something as simple as peanut butter and jelly HAHA.

So the next day, when it’s lunch again, and Tsukki offers you half of his food (Or more like, pretending that he can’t finish it and didn’t want to throw his food in the trash), you scramble to pull out your sloppily wrapped sandwich and offer the other half to him with a big grin.

It got him laughing at how ridiculous your sandwich looks, it’s not appetizing at all. 

But just when you’re about to wrap it back up with a pout, he grabs it from your hand before smoothly sliding his food over to you. “This looks awful”, he’ll say as he takes a bite, getting some peanut butter on his cheeks.

You’re surprised he took it, and can’t help but feel a strange flutter in your heart when you see his ears redden, his gaze avoiding yours.

The next day, Tsukki shows up with two bento boxes, and hands one to you with a blush. “I told my mom about your awful sandwich, so she decided to make an extra bento.”

And when you are just standing there in awe at his thoughtfulness, he gets even more flustered as he shakes it around. “Do you want this or not?” 

Of course you took it, and you are BEAMING when you eat. Tsukki can’t help but accidentally smile at how endearing you are. “Idiot.”

Yamaguchi also noticed that btw. So he’s got a plan haha ;)

Ever since that day, Yams would occasionally back out from hangouts or events just so the two of you can spend some alone time together.

You and Tsukki being smarties, TOTALLY notice Yams’ attempts. The first time you figured it out, awkwardness turns on like a freaking switch. Suddenly neither of you know what to say or do, because the idea of being matched is hella embarrassing.

But then you were like, “It’s not weird if you don’t make it weird. We also don’t have to acknowledge his attempts and treat this like the usual.” So at that, you go back to talking like usual.

Tsukki is definitely a lot softer when you are alone with him, he doesn’t tease you AS much and is very thoughtful.

Now that you three are in the same high school, Yams would still do that!! And he is low-key frustrated as to why his plans are working so slowly >:( Get yourself together guys, you clearly like each other!

When you had to buy a bunch of textbooks, Yams got you to go with Tsukki alone and he carried all your books haha. Even went to get your uniforms together, and you helped him pick his size.

You two are around each other all the time, and are very comfortable about it. Everyone in school think you are an item, even teachers and fellow parents. Hell, even your own parents thought you two had been dating since middle school. But no one really brought it up, because....well, it’s not like it’s an issue or anything, they’re all just happy you’re happy.

However, neither of you know that’s what the others had been thinking, so you’re a little confused when people keep asking you where Tsukki is, or when they do the same to him. Like, I’m not his parents, how am I going to know where he is all the time. You may think that, but you both ALWAYS know about each other’s whereabouts somehow lol.

Honestly, you two don’t even acknowledge each other’s looks or changes, when you see him, it’s just him and his sassy attitude you’ve grown accustomed to. Well...and his tall bum, cuz your neck starts to hurt a little more than it usually does whenever you look up at him. UNTIL....DUN DUN DUNNN

It’s Valentine’s Day, and different students all over campus are slipping love notes into lockers, some leave roses on their crush’s table, while female students are handing out their giri and honmei choco to their male friends and crushes.

It totally flew past your head that it is Valentine’s day, so when you walk over to your locker with Tsukki and Yams that morning (you always walk to school together and your lockers are right next to each other’s), you are surprised to see 6 love letters fall from yours.

You: 😳 Yams: 😦 (he’s still a heavy believer in you and Tsukki lol, so he’s worried about competition.) Tsukki: 😶

“I see you got some admirers.“ He says casually, turning to unlock his own locker. Little did you know, he’s trying to suppress his curiosity....and jealousy?? Who could it be? When did they put those letters in your locker. How creepy.

You turn to him, wondering if he also got some letters in his locker, and your heart sinks when he pulls out one, nonchalantly ripping the beautiful packaging with his thumb to read its contents. He flips it around in his hand, trying to see if it’s got a name on it, but there were none.

The entire time when you are in class, you can’t help but wonder who had sent Tsukki that letter. The fact that it was the only one, makes you a lot more nervous too. What if it IS the one...and why would you care so much if it is. You’d be happy for him....right?

Meanwhile, Tsukki’s thoughts are also occupied as he sits in class, by the window. Since when has Y/n been so popular. Will you spend time with him and Yams if you found someone? What about you is so attractive....oh....shit. YEA boy, you’ve ALWAYS been attractive, but he never noticed.

Then lunch rolls around, and you are waiting for Tsukki to meet you by your homeroom, since he’d mentioned earlier that he’ll be the one to swing by. But he never came...:(

And it’s not that he forgot. As he’s about to step out of his homeroom to go to yours, an unfamiliar feminine voice calls out to him, and when he turns around, a girl is offering him her honmei choco. 🤭 He’s SHOOK, but then he quickly realizes that she’s probably the one who slipped the letter in his locker.

Nice Tsukki activated, because I don’t think he’s actually MEAN mean, ya know? “Thank you.” He says, as he takes the chocolate from her with a neutral expression. “But I’m currently seeing someone.”

The girl looks to him with a sad smile, so close to the verge of tears. “That’s ok! I hope you’ll enjoy it though, thank you for being honest!” She says, quickly running down the hall. He felt bad, but he’s more confused about why he had said what he did. That was dumb, I’m not seeing anyone, he scolds himself, walking off to your homeroom while shaking his head incredulously.

When he gets to you, he feels guilty at the sight of you sitting by your homeroom, fingers fiddling sadly. “Why do you look like you’re in some emotional music video?” At the sound of his voice, you spring up to punch his abs jokingly, low key impressed at how rock solid they were haha. “What took you forever!! Did you have diarrhea or something?”

But he never responded, instead, opting to flick your forehead gently before walking off. “Some girl approached me, probably the one who slipped that letter in my locker.”

You let go of your forehead, instead feeling a hitch in your throat for some reason. When he didn’t hear your response, he stops walking. “But I told her I got you guys.”

Your face WARMS TF OUT, but you are hella happy, immediately bouncing up to him. “Is Kei finally willing to show his friends some love and affection?” You tease him as you burst out laughing. You’re sorry for the girl, but for some reason, you’re happy, happy to know that you are not going to lose him to somebody else.

Then during lunch, as Kei’s unpacking his boxes, handing one of his extra bentos to you, his face turns BRIGHT red when he notices this adorable packaging with home made chocolate in it. The note is written in his mother’s handwriting: For anybody your heart decides to give this present to! Love, Mom.

“Are you okay?” Yams asks as he peers over his shoulder, eyes widening when he sees what Tsukki’s been staring at for the past minute. You look over at them suspiciously, already chewing on some food in bliss. “It’s nothing.” He mumbles, quickly tying and setting the bag down. Ok, sus, but you’ll let it pass.

For the second half of his day, he can barely focus on school, wondering if you’d find it strange for him to give you those chocolates. But he’s also a little afraid to go home with it, fearing that he’d make his mother sad. He could eat it himself and lie, but that also feels wrong.

By the time he’s done with practice and is helping the team wrap up the gym, you poke your head in through the entrance with a smile. You also have your own after school club and it usually finishes a few minutes before volleyball practice does, so you make it a thing to walk home with two of your favorite boys.

Also, at this point, you go there all the time, so you’ve become well acquainted with the entire team. It would bother Tsukki how Noya and Tanaka always does some of the dumbest things to try to impress you, or the way the other members would cast longing glances at you, before returning to what they were doing. Even the third years can’t help but smile a little wider and stand up a little straighter when you greet them.

“I’m going to run to the restroom before we leave.” Yams says, when he notices the way Tsukki is fiddling with his headphone cord, constantly casting hesitant glances at you.

Screw it. Tsukki decides, when he’s finally alone with you again. This is my last chance. “Oi, idiot.” He says, tearing your gaze away from the bright moon and the stars that sprinkles the night sky.

There he is, with the chocolate in his outstretched hand, looking hella flustered. “T-Take it.” He stutters, mentally cursing at how embarrassed he is, he can’t even look you in the eye.

Your entire body warms, as you could feel a tingly sensation on your cheeks and ears, slowly reaching to grab the chocolate from his trembling hands, still at a loss for words.

“Kei...” You begin, but he quickly counters, looking away. “My mother made it.”

"Ah...” You respond quietly, suddenly feeling really sad because you thought he had feelings for you.

He notices the sadness in your tone. “And you’re ok, I guess.”

You remain silent for a moment, a smile slowly painting your lips, as you continue to stare at the tiny red box of chocolate in hand. Then he’s caught off guard when he feels your gentle fingers, timidly curling to the side of his large palm. He looks to you in surprise; it was too spontaneous for him to put his walls back up.

“I like you too, Kei.” You respond with a smile, that only widens when he shyly returns your gesture, long fingers curling over yours. “let’s share this! there’s three pieces in here.”

When Yamaguchi returns, the three of you share a piece, humming in delight when the deliciousness and richness of the chocolate lather your taste buds.

Earlier Stages

WHEEEW sorry the backstory was so long, I just think that’s one of the few ways I’d ever see a relationship with him form: through time. 

And like any other aspects of your relationship, both in regards to intimacy and communication, it’s also going to take him some time to acclimate and adjust. He’s doing his best, everyday, mentally beating himself when he fails.

You know how harsh he can be to himself, so you try to cut him some slack by becoming more observant. Constantly teaching yourself to learn his micro-signs and sighing in frustration every time you misread him.

However, Tsukki notices your attempt, and is incredibly grateful. He’ll make things a little easier for you, because he can see how much it stresses you to do so. He’ll try to communicate more, eventually telling you how he feels, though he’ll admit, it does feel very awkward in the beginning. Overtime, you’re both helping each other grow in the communication department.

On days when you have no clue how to read him and is feeling overwhelmed, Akiteru is always there for you to consult! Well...it’s actually usually the other way around tbh.

That being said, you GOTTA be patient with him. He will be sassy, and he will be even sassier when you get into arguments, or when you’ve accidentally annoyed him.

However, because you’ve known him for a LONG time, you’ve learnt to translate his saltiness into kinder words haha. (kinda like what Hinata does with Kageyama lol)

You’re always by him, and apologizing on his behalf when he annoys someone.

However, if the person he’s accidentally annoyed expresses their hatred for him to you, you will always defend him because you know that he’s really great person and that his attitude is just a defense mechanism to prevent himself from getting hurt.

But there will be days when you really wish he could shed that wall and realize that he has friends and families who love him dearly and will support him no matter what. But you know that it’s not something that could happen over night, it’s just a wish that he would slowly walk down that path one day.

You are grateful though, so very grateful, because when Tsukki is alone with you, there is never a moment when he’d allow himself to put up that wall. He refuses, finally finding relief in relaxing his defenses for once, because it can get tiring sometimes. 

In fact, all those walls that he put up, is probably the reason why he can’t really hangout around others for too long, he needs to be alone and recharge. So the fact that he’s able to relax around you, means that his “alone time” will almost always include you.

His eyes remain soft, as he always looks at you with a subtle glint to his golden orbs and an upward curve to his lips.

And when he laughs, he does so freely. Even Akiteru is surprised when he accidentally overhears it from his bedroom.

His mother still cooks you lunch, so whenever you’d go to his house for a study session, you ask her if she could teach you how to cook, and that made her SO happy. It becomes a thing now; you two would cook and sing along with one another in the kitchen before you excuse yourself to study.

His mother and brother loves you SO much. Sure, they’ve known you for a long time, because you and Yams would come over often and hangout, but it’s never been just you and Tsukki. So now that you’re together, they have the chance to chit chat with you alone.

You’re basically like a daughter to his mother, because let’s be real, as much as she loves her sons, she’s always wanted at least another woman in the house to hangout with.

When Akiteru visits home, he’ll bring some interesting comics or things for you to geek out about together. At one point, Kei even got jealous enough that he’d come join you guys by the porch, softly playing his music on the phone.

Speaking of music, he likes to create playlists and sends them to you. Whenever it’s just you and him on your way to the canteen together, he’ll offer you one side of his ear piece, so you can listen to music together on your way there.

You both take your relationship VERY slowly, and that’s perfectly fine. It took you over 2 months into your relationship to hold hands outside the comfort of your homes, and 4 to share your first kiss.

FIRST KISS 💋: It was during lunch break, when you and Kei decide to enjoy your meal at the roof of an academic building. Yams was busy with something else at the time, so he promises to join you a little later. The two of you are alone, ear piece in one ear each, with shoulders and knees touching, then suddenly, you feel an urge to shift your gaze to him. As if your minds are one, he did the same, but instead of feeling embarrassment from your sudden eye contact, you slowly lean to one another, like the ocean, magnetized by the moon, sharing the most innocent, gentle kiss, before pulling back to look into each other’s orbs. It was so gentle, like a breeze that tickles the bottom of your lips when you exhale. It was very nice.

Since that day, the two of you begin to experiment in private, like kissing a little more passionately when you catch him gazing at you again mid-studying. You even tried cuddling, and you LOVE it.

I can’t even begin to express how wonderful it feels like to cuddle someone tall (looking at you, Lev boi 😉), the way his long limbs drape over yours, big warm hands massaging your shoulders comfortingly as you breathe in the clean scent of his sweater.

However, cuddles don’t happen often, except for special occasions when you both feel extra needy or exhausted. He’s never really been a touchy person. Hand holding is fine, but constant cuddling just makes him feel like he’d rather be doing something else.

BUT, here’s the trick. If you request for some song recommendations, so he can play it on his speaker, while you crawl up to him on the bed, with your head on his chest, he’ll never be able to reject you. He’ll readjust himself comfortably, removing his glasses, before turning you sideways to face his chest, as he tucks his chin over your head, legs entwined. If this is the case, you can lay there for hours, listening to different songs until you fall asleep.

Loves it when you wear his oversized clothes, but will never admit it. You know he likes it because he always offer you his clothes when you come over, just so you can be comfortable while studying with him. (I’d never say no to that.)

Also likes it how his scent lingers to you, even when you change back into your school uniform so you can head home.

Just generally a big scent, kind of guy, He’s one of those people who ALWAYS smells good and has great olfaction. Whenever you smell a little like him, he WILL notice, and it always makes his heart flutter, as he stands up a little taller. 

He’ll also walk you home from his house, no matter how late it is, and he will always make sure you’ve gone INTO your house, and hears your lock click, before returning.

Never understands why you always make him promise to text you when he gets home though, but he’ll never forget to do it.

Likes to lean on you jokingly, use you as an armrest, regardless of your height.

Whenever Yamaguchi jokes about how he feels like a third wheel, you’ll always joke back that Tsukki is actually the odd one here, cuz you are related haha. He’ll flick your forehead softly as your punishment.

Your pet names are always something endearingly mean, like “Idiot, sodium man, sassy pants, salt shaker 🧂, or four eyes.” 

His teammates always tease him about you; honestly, they’re all very surprised that he’s capable of being in a relationship, but they’re happy for him. Daichi always has to shush them all down, because it can get a little out of hand sometimes with all of them bombarding him at once.

Long Term:

Post-honeymoon phase, babyyy.

Space, lots of space. You’re both very independent, and are introverts, so during the day, you’ll do your own thing, but he’ll meet up with you for lunch and dinners to spend some time together, in comfortable silence.

You’ve been leaving a lot of things at his house, so he neatly gathers it all into one corner of his room, so you can access it with ease when you sleep over.

Both your parents became best friends, so they’re totally cool with either of you sleeping over, even when it is a spontaneous decision.

You are comfortable to say “no” to one another, and that includes social gathering as well. If Tsukki is feeling too socially anxious to join you for a party, you’re totally ok with that, and likewise, when his team hangs out, he understands that they can be a little overwhelming sometimes.

But that doesn’t mean that you both don’t try. He mentally take notes of all the times he’s said no, and will only do it at times when he really do not feel like it. And if you ever feel like he’s been a little too distant, he wants you to tell him that directly, so he can avoid coming off that way.

Sass level increases overtime because he knows you can take it, lol.

Would totally do something like this to you, regardless of your height.

If you are smol, he will definitely do this too, and Yams will react the same way as shown. >>>>

You’ve grown immune to his sass, and may have adopted some. However, it’ll usually only come out in arguments. You’re still that nice approachable person, who deliver other people’s messages for him, to him (Because they’re too afraid to approach him directly.)

Definitely opens up to you more, if he hasn’t already been, because he knows he can trust you, and trust is a VERY big thing for him. This boy’s got some trust issues, yk?

He’s a little more adventurous now; it used to be so difficult to convince him to go somewhere new or exciting with you, but after years of pestering him to go places, he realizes, as he’s standing in the middle of a hike, lush green leaves surrounding him from all sides, that maybe this is not so bad after all.

You and Yams keep bringing new activities for him to try, and for 70% percent of those attempts, he actually says yes.

LOVES it when you give head massages, but he always complains that you are messing his hair.

Stargazing after dinner had become a routine for you. You’ll both lay, head to head, bodies the opposite direction, with your fingers interlaced next to each other’s heads. Sometimes, you’ll even drift off into a short nap, and he’s fine with that because your hand feels very nice in his.

Your presence had encouraged him to become closer to his family: you two will help his mother pack up and wipe down the table after dinner, while Akiteru washes the dishes. Sometimes, you’ll wave a curious Akiteru over to join you and Kei on horror movie nights. His mother even joined for 1 whole minute, before she leaves, saying that it’s too scary for her, leaving you three to throw some funny/judgmental remarks at how silly the characters are being.

He’s also a big supporter of your interests, though he will never admit or fully show that he is, if that makes any sense. For instance, if you are in the robotics team, he will educate himself on its process and some technical solutions and will help you build your robot at home. When you ask him how he knows about all this, he just responds with something like “I don’t know, I just guessed.”

If you are interested in something more performative, like if you’re into ballet, for instance, he will always show up to your performances with Yams (and Akiteru, because he really wants to see his future sister-in-law killing it). However, he’ll also respect your decision if you tend to feel more nervous with him there, in that case, he’ll just send you a text that says “You’ll do great. 🦖” or “Don’t fall on your bum 🤡” right before the show begins. It always makes you laugh when you read it in his monotonous voice.

You just know that he only uses emojis when he think his texts sounds unintentionally sarcastic or too short. lol. He’s just not too great at texting, ok?

When it comes to cheering for Tsukki, you share the same type of support. You’d LOVE to go to all of his matches, to be there for him and show how proud you are. But if he’s really uncomfortable, then you understand that too.

He secretly loves it when you go cheer him though, it really brightens up his match, especially when he’s in one with a tougher opponent. To look up to the sea of growing Karasuno supporters and see your smile shine brighter than all the others, restores his energy like the sun.

Somehow, Tanaka and Noya always notices when he turns to look at you, so they’ll both cling on to him like monkeys, turning to wave at you. 

You gladly return their gesture, laughing at Tsukki’s miserable face as you pull your phone out to snap a very zoomed in photo of his pained expression to use as his new contact photo LOL. 

“At least, I’m the one in a relationship.” He’ll deadpan, adjusting his frames before walking away quietly with a smug smile. RIP Tanaka and Noya, they’re just rolling on the floor crying for Kiyoko haha.

Also, he has this weird fascination for animals? Well, mainly with dinosaurs. BOTH Tsukishima’s has this fascination, it runs deep in their blood. Oh you prefer whales? Too bad, it’s not as cool.

Whenever Kei recommends some dinosaur-related movies, he’ll try to be low key about his excitement, but you can totally tell that, at this very moment, his body feels like a shell that’s trying to contain the vibration of his happiness. Saying no to his suggestion, will only shatter his little heart. You find this incredibly endearing, for a moment, he reminds you of his younger self, where he would always show up to school in his dinosaur T-shirts.

When you agree to watch it with him, Akiteru ALWAYS emerges out of nowhere, and invites himself to join you. You like to jokingly call them Tsukkisaurs, but Kei will be the only Tsukki to have that name saved in your contact.

We also love some asshole Tsukki moment ✨: He likes to call you Godzilla when you are on your period and is feeling bloated. You were a lil offended at first because, WHICH RENDITION OF GODZILLA is he referring to? It better not be the 2014 one, because it looked a little chubbier than the original.

He confirms, without hesitation, that it IS the 2014 rendition, just to piss you off lol. Then he shows you his phone, to confirm that he had you down as Godzilla on his contact, with this image as your profile:

But if you are actually feeling self conscious about your body that day, he will sigh and pull you to his chest. “Idiot, you look just fine to me, the way you are.”

And he meant it.

He may be inclined to appear indifferent and cynical at times, but he KNOWS you can see right through him. The idea of showing vulnerability to anyone at all, was daunting, but you embraced him with so much love and acceptance, he wishes that he’s proven his love for you enough. 

And he has, you understand him so well. You appreciate all his subtle signs of affection and thoughtfulness, and you would never ask for it any other way. This is him...it’s who he is to you: your best friend and lover, perfectly imperfect in every way.

———

Taglist (open): @shhhlikeme @ceo-of-daichi @karasu-hoes @super-noya @nonexistent-social-life​ @scorpiosanssexy @tedwardos​

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[swynlake-spill]

Boba, please bully some of our shyer residents into posting selfies! I am dying for some Rarer Insta Content.

ok i’ll try here we go 

@vixey-chakraborty KEEP THE COW CONTENT COMING BUT ALSO LET UR OWN NATURAL RADIANCE SHINE!!! I LOVE U PLEASE IM ASKING SO NICELY BUT ALSO VERY LOUDLY SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR 

@rikuxnakayama sir  i cannot keep buying overpriced coffee from [name redacted] just for the ten seconds of eye contact we have i simply do not make enough money have pity on me and POST 

@vitani-blackwell u arent really shy so i dont understand how you are not posting daily thirst traps i have seen your body and therefore seen god please RESUME REGULAR CONTENT 

@melody-the-unwritten typing ur username just now made me cry. :( melody i MISS YOu. melody i dont think u understand u could be miss swynlake if u wanted... this is your YEAR

@princess-ting-ting you post extremely quality pics of your fish and family jigsaw puzzles and stuff and thats valid and good plz dont stop but also you are the qin i respect in this world and i think you deserve to be told how beautiful u are js 

@littlelectriceelduh ur mysterious and look like the boy my mum warned me about. plz indulge my worst desires and help me star in my very own all time low pop punk fantasy 

@arista-the-musical BLASPHEMY that i am tagging a triton wtf did your sisters teach u!! arista when i say that i believe if you post selfies tagged #stopglobalwarming that it could maybe inspire a movement im not even being hyperbolic i think the power is in your hands and you should use it 

@cinderellaashbourne HONEY PLEASE COME HOME tiana as her roommate why are you not instilling in ella the confidence needed to become a powerhouse insta mom im just saying she could build an empire off her smile 

@babettexdurand seeing u makes me go  🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 sincerely do not think there are words... 

@evil--endeavors you want to be taken seriously as a business woman, totally fair! however, fourth wave feminism said stuff about idk owning ur sexuality or-- nvm dont do it for me do it for the young LESBIANS. also kick me in the face :) 

@one-lucky-lad small confession...i have a crush on this darling I KNOW I KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING however i am not immune to the specific charms of his beautiful blue eyes. im just saying haha what if we kissed 

@tink-bell tink used to post all the time but then she got her heart broken or something and i just think she needs to build up all that very valid fierce tink bell confidence she was famous for!! tink PLEASE give me the bed selfie i know you have! txt me u up ;) ? ask me to netflix and chill! also post on instagram obviously! 

@sanmononoke what is going on with this person real talk besides ofc being very hot as per swynlake’s hotness requirement. idk if she has an instagram. bet she’d post like feet pics and shit like that. think that we need a little bit of that spice in swynlake dont you!!! 

@moon-yeongjun frankly it is a crime that we are all collectively robbed of the journey that would be jun moon instagram experience. if you dont think he’s hot you’re lying to yourself!! new rule every time jun posts a petition he owes us a selfie its only fair idk im once again putting tiana to the task of making that happen

@notmuchofatail he’s been posting more lately but it is not enough for me. gregory eeyore is my past present and future. like im in love with him is what im saying. 

@a-merman-not-a-guppy stop pretending like you’re not a handsome lad its EMBARRASSING. what is the point also of designing ur own clothes if you arent putting up your wares on instagram. again this is just common sense i cannot believe im giving this immaculate advice for free. 

@notbad-justsungthatway again she posts decently but i think she should post more bc she is easily in the ten hottest people ever in swynlake. its a fact not an opinion and we’d all feel a lot calmer if she was active daily on instagram

@pinkpearlpark the coolest of the teens!! i need her to post so she can teach ME how to post. like idk what im doing teach me the ways of being an attractive rich cool person miss park! 

@bucktoothed--ice-prince again idk whats going on here he’s this very mysterious stranger who blew into town out of nowhere. maybe going without an instagram is the whole point but i would rather write dumb things on ur posts tbh

@trickster-knownas-pan AND A THIRD person who i know nothing about. maybe i am just nosy but also you are hot so you owe me something thats how survival of the fittest works maybe !!!!!!! i failed science three times!!!! 

@devyn-morey lol i know he posts a lot but obviously! obviously! 

@geehosaphat on the other hand martin has two posts on his instagram maybe and thats abysmal. martin you do realize you’re like. hot right. i mean it like you could be in a magazine. you’re hot. take off your shirt sometime maybe if you’re comfortable so you can flaunt it! 

@winndeavor again i know ur a serious business person who has a certain brand to maintain. on the other hand: you have abs. much to think about i know. 

@hclyghcst DISGUSTING that you could win jewel of the season or w/e and then disappear from my life. you owe me like ten selfies at this point! you’re cute kind and a good friend to people in your life! fuck im obsessed with u!! 

@vvinter-queen and now we shout out to her sister ANNA to help her. anna how is it that u have a moderately thriving bookstagram and yet elsa has no idea what a filter is. intervene. fix it. she’s beautiful. imagine how much ice cream u will sell. 

@gleamdncglow u dont have to post bc it might actually piss me off considering how pretty you are. but if you want to i guess (please please please please please please) 

@gabriella-marino you know what’s the best way to get to know ppl in town and make friends! yeah ur right, its thirst traps on instagram! i think you’re so cute on a serious note please tell me more about u...maybe in the captions on your thirst trap for instagram! 

@edwardandalasia honestly just curious how it would go if someone showed edward who is maybe suffering from some textbook case of amnesia how instagram works. you also have the best skin ive ever seen. send me ur tips. ok thank u!!!

[jungleuniversity]

How I Improved My MCAT Score (509 -> 518)

Hi Everyone! I got back my new MCAT scores awhile ago, but I thought I’d write a post about how I achieved my score, with hope that it could potentially help another student. I know that while I was studying, a lot of the advice I saw on the internet was overwhelming and made me feel that my level of studying would always be inferior to what others were doing. The vast array of available courses, practice tests, and other services available certainly did not help either, as there is no reasonable way to complete every single resource that exists. In this post, I’ll go through a timeline of my basic study plan and explain which resources I used and why I think they are worth using. 

Stage 1 - Kaplan 7 book set and other content resources

I had trouble coming up with a time frame for how long it should take to go through the Kaplan set, which is why I simply called this part the “first stage.” Many guides I have read online mention strictly separated “content review” and “practice exam” phases of studying. Personally, that would never have worked out for me because I would have gotten anxious every time I got a question wrong during the exam phase. Instead, I spent about 3-4 months simply reading and taking notes out of the books, and then doing a mixed exam and content review stage. I used each book in the following ways, especially the second time I studied: 

Biochemistry - For the first half of the book I took detailed notes as if I were learning from an ordinary biochemistry textbook for a class. For the second half, I eased on the notes and started drawing out the different pathways. I think I wrote down the Electron Transport Chain pathway 10-15 times and the Citric acid cycle path about 50 times. I did not draw the shapes of compounds, but I won’t tell you not to do that either. 

Biology -  Same as the Biochem book. I did spend extra time on “high yield content” that's more difficult to memorize, such as actin/tropomyosin activity in muscle. 

Physics - I cannot stress what I am about to say enough. The absolute most important things to know from this book are the units. If you are truly stuck on a physics (or often chemistry) question, there is a very good chance you can use dimensional analysis to force your way to the right answer in a relatively brief amount of time. If nothing else, PLEASE learn the units behind every concept. 

Chemistry - Use the advice from physics, but I also took pretty heavy notes, especially in the first half, since there’s a lot of content that, despite being easier than biochemistry in my opinion, are foundational and will cause problems if you skip it. 

Behavioral Sciences - This was the section that brought down my first attempt score. I found that the premed95 anki deck that’s in circulation was helpful, but it made me incredibly lazy in studying to the point where I would pretend to be productive, while just looking at slides. I was desperate not to repeat my mistakes, so I brute forced my way through the Kaplan book this time instead. I didn’t take notes the way I did for other subjects - instead I hand wrote every single bolded word and definition in a notebook, organized by chapters. This took about a week and I did not study any other subject during this time. I don’t know if I would recommend this method for Behavioral Sciences for everyone, but the truth is that after I did this, my practice section scores went from 124 to 128-130. One thing to keep in mind though, the last few sections of the Physics/Math book are absolutely critical to the Behavioral Sciences section as they are the only resource within the Kaplan set which explain the research methodologies for both Psychology and Sociology. 

Organic Chemistry - I took sparse notes on this book. I think it's the least useful out of the 7 book set, and I often had to look to the internet and old organic chemistry class notes to clarify mechanisms and pathways. Nevertheless, make flashcards or write down reactions such as the Aldol condensation, which more likely than not will show up at some point. 

CARS - Skip this book. In my opinion, there are better ways to study this section. Most importantly, use the CARS question packs from AAMC. 

Stage 2 - CARS, Mixed Content Review and Practice Exams (2-3 weeks)

This is around when I started taking CARS much more seriously, so I would recommend starting earlier. I mainly focused on using the two AAMC question packs, although the KhanAcademy passages were also useful. The first question pack was definitely a bit more difficult and you might feel discouraged after going through half of it. However, I promise it does get better. Part of the change is that as you read explanations for why you get questions wrong, your skill will begin to improve. The other part is that the second half of the question pack, as well as most of the second question pack are more closely aligned with the difficulty level of the actual test. 

This was also when I began taking NextStep full length exams. (Insert surprised Pikachu face) My first score was a 501. Definitely not expected at the time, but it was a necessary wakeup call to understand where my content gaps were. 

After each exam I took from this point on, I would take the rest of the day off after taking the exam. Just relax, after taking a 7 hour exam, you deserve it tbh. The next day, go over the entire exam, question by question and take notes where you need to. I wrote very brief 1-line notes for questions I got right and understood, and more detailed notes for all incorrect questions as well as correct questions that I did not fully understand. This is important for two reasons: First, this allows you to know exactly where your content gaps are and understand how you can improve applying the concepts that you already know. Second, there’s only so many different things they can ask you on the MCAT. It might sound endless, but there are a finite number of concepts and you are bound to see very similar questions on future practice tests and also on the real MCAT. In my experience, writing down the explanation for the correct answers on missed questions ensured that I never get a similar question incorrectly in the future. Overall, next-step exams were alright, but their content felt incredibly low-yield. Now, studying low yield concepts is extremely important, but it's obviously detrimental if that's all you study. 

For the next month, I would alternate between taking next-step and AAMC full lengths, with breaks in between to review my content gaps. My highest Nextstep exam was a 512, but I tended to score around 507-508. My aamc exams, in order, were 519, 517, and 515. The downward trend was concerning, but I was honestly happy since all of those scores were higher than my target at the time, 513. Also, I falsely began to think that NextStep exams were extremely deflated. (They are, but not nearly to the extent that you might think.)

Finally, the day before my first exam: I couldn’t sleep at all, and I went against common advice of not studying on this day. As for exam day, just trust yourself and the studying you have done. My main advice beyond what anyone else will tell you is to keep a close eye on the clock. Several people who tested with me lost up to 5 minutes on CARS because they forgot to take into account the time during their lunch break. Not every test center will have digital clocks, and the one I went to only had a tiny analog clock near the area they check you in. When I asked a proctor for the time, he just laughed. So make sure you look at the clock and remember the time when your break starts. 

My score on the first exam turned out to be a 509. Not necessarily a bad score at all, but this score was much lower than what I was aiming for. It was disappointing, mainly due to the time I put into studying, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. My behavioral sciences section severely pulled my score down, and there were a few content areas that I truly was not prepared for. I felt bad about it for about a week, and afterwards started studying again. 

Stage 3: Final Preparations 

Initially, I found it relatively difficult to study during the semester. One of my friends recommended I use UWorld questions to effectively use my time. This resource definitely helped me out when I felt like I simply did not have enough time to finish studying. They provide you with 1500 or so questions, categorized by section and sub categorized by topic. You can choose how many questions or passages you want to do in one sitting, and if you want it timed or not. After you finish, they provide you with personalized statistics for the session, as well as explanations for each question, which are saved and can be viewed at any time. Alongside simply rereading the Kaplan books, this is the best way to reinforce content knowledge. 

The final resource I used were the Altius exams. I purchased a pack of 5 on a whim because 1) I ran out of practice tests and 2) someone on reddit said these were severely under-appreciated. Well, that gamble paid off because I believe these exams are about as close as you can get to the AAMC full lengths, BUT they give you much more detailed explanations, and are just a little bit more difficult, so you actually end up feeling like the AAMC practice exams are a bit smoother and easier to pace yourself on. After purchasing, I had one month to take all five, as well as the then-recently-released AAMC FL #4. Altius exams were great, and honestly, my only “complaint” was that CARS felt a little bit too difficult to be as useful as it could be. I also studied Behavioral Sciences and Biochemistry the way I described in Part 1, since I felt like I underperformed on those sections. 

When second exam day approached, I forced myself to get a full night of sleep this, and it absolutely paid off. I was noticeably more aware during this test than my previous attempt, and corrected myself before making a bunch of silly errors. 

A month later, I found out I got a 518, which was higher than my original goal. 

Tl;dr: 

Studying for the mcat is expensive, and it can be hard to find advice on which resources are useful. 

In my opinion, only: Altius exams are amazing. UWorld is a great resource for content gaps and reinforcement, especially when you have sharp time constraints. Kaplan books are awesome for content review, but it should be fine if you buy an older edition (I used 2015).

[obscureobsidianreblogs]

X-Men Characters Ranking (I) The Worst

These characters aren’t what I would call the worst in the sense that I hate them and I don’t want to see them ever again, because I don’t dislike them as much as I hate how writers have treated them, many of them being basically anything other than plot devices and never having a chance to become better characters. I don’t think there’s no hope for them, only that I haven’t seen them getting chances to prove me there is.

Thunderbird/John Proudstar

This character is a joke in the worst sense of the word, basically being known as “Guy who died and unlike the rest didn’t come back”. It has reached a point Joanthan Hickman needed to create an explanation in-universe to why the hell this is the case!!! The fact all of this happens to the first native american member of the team is unfortunate. Thank God John’s own brother James, Forge and especially Danielle Moonstar came soon after to fix that.

Slipstream/Davis Cameron

I don’t want to sound mean, I really don’t want to, but I really, really, really don’t care about this character. How’s possible for a legend like Chris Claremont, who created so many memorable characters, create one so devoid of any interesting quality? If you want a X-Men male character who’s a surfer, just go with Havok in X-Men Evolution. Her sister Heather is a slightly better case, mostly thanks to the revelation that she’s actually part of Shi’ar royalty and we see her dealing with her body changing while she discovers her inheritance.

Joseph

Initially introduced as a possibly rejuvenated Magneto who decided to undo Magneto’s wrongdoings, what could have been the perfect opportunity to develop the character of Magneto was quickly wasted when writers at the time thought It would be more interesting to make him the third party in a love triangle involving Rogue and Remy. The revelation he was actually just Magneto’s clon and his death proved how much they regretted creating him.

Feral/Maria Callasantos

Maria’s backstory on paper could be a perfect way to create a compelling character: abused since her childhood, and killed her stepfather to protect her sister. Unfortunately Feral was created by Fabian Nicieza and Rob Liefeld, who were more interested in action and fights than in writing compelling characters, and in Maria’s case it really shows. Her perpetual hostility towards her teammates quickly made her unlikeable, and soon after she was written out of the team. But while characters like Shatterstar have become fan favorites thanks to the works of writers like Peter David Feral has remained a character no writer has bothered to do anything with her, except depower her after the House of M event to later made Sabretooth kill her.

Maggott/Japheth

None of the characters that joined the X-Men after the events in Operation Zero Tolerance became universal fan-favorites, but while Marrow and Cecilia Reyes have managed to still pop-up here and there occasionally, Maggott quickly became the fandom’s punching bag, being an usual entry in the “worst mutants/powers” lists and soon after his debut became killed. In a concentration camp, just so his death could be anymore fucked-up. Yikes.

Omega Sentinel/Karima Shapandar

The idea of a biosentinel who still retains her humanity and which she uses to fight against her programming to team-up with mutants and become their friend instead of hunting them down is pretty compelling. Despite that Karima has become a punchline for her tendency to be a character who tends to get possessed or brainwashed too much in a franchise and a genre where character being possessed or brainwashed has become commonplace. It seemed like that cycle was finally going to finish after Brian Wood decided to published an all female team on his X-Men run and decided to make Karima turned back into a human but stay with her mutant friends, but all of that got thrown away when Jonathan Hickman took over, make her a biosentinel again and because he really wants to push the narrative of us vs them he made her team-up with the evil human organization who wants to wipe out mutants, because he says so. Thanks Johnny.

Lifeguard/Heather Cameron

Like I already said above Heather is a slightly more interesting character than her brother Davis, especially after the reveal of her Shi’ar ancestry and her transformation to a much more alien appearance. Although I must admit I initially dislike the character for completely petty reasons. More specifically, the fact she was introduced and paired up with Neal Shaara when Psylocke’s death was still recent, because Neal was sentimentally involved with her at the time. Shipping tends to do those things.

Stacy X/Miranda Leevald

The accusation of female characters being created just to eye-candy is one that I think gets thrown around in excess lately, but in the case of Stacy X it’s pretty much the perfect textbook example. She’s introduced as a prostitute, wears revealing clothing, her powers cause orgasms, flirts with a lot of her male teammates, and let’s not forget that infamous time Chuck Austen thought it would be a good idea to write her saying she was going to watch porn after getting in an argument. Classy. The worst part is that her example was so obvious that she never became really popular among fans, and the writers quickly got rid of her in the most unceremonious way possible, depowering her in the aftermath of House of M, without bothering to even give her the opportunity to be a better character. However, I think there’s still hope for her. In the recent Domino Annual Gail Simone gave her a heartbreaking moment in which Miranda had the opportunity to express how she dealt with her power’s loss and how it affected her.

Sunfire/Shiro Yoshida

I really want to like Shiro, I really do, the issue where he was introduced is still one of my favorites from the Neal Adams and Roy Thomas run. But it’s so obvious writers don’t know what else to do with him except remind people that he doesn’t like teamwork over and over again, feeling like an excuse to include him as little as possible. Also this is a much more shallow reason to dislike him, but I really think he needs an urgent redesign to get rid of that horrible mask.

Thunderbird/Neal Shaara

His backstory, about discovering a new secret biosentinel program that took advantage of India’s most disadvantaged population while looking for his missing brother, is actually one of my favorites on any X-Men character, being emotionally compelling with some social critic sprinkled over it. Unfortunately once he joined the team the most he did was get romantically involved with female teammates, first with Psylocke, a reason I’m sure a lot of fans at the time hated him because she was with Archangel, although tbh it never bothered me that much, and then with Lifeguard. The fact that after Karima Shapandar, the character that got turned into a biosentinel while helping him look for his brother, joined the X-Men no one single writer bothered to make him meet her again despite it was confirmed he retained his powers after House of M shows how little interest writers were in him. Ouch.

Revanche/Kwannon

Although it seems like now with Fallen Angels and Hellions they are trying to make her a much more interesting character, there’s still the fact the character was created an introduced just to have a revealing twist about Psylocke’s body swap, and after the writers realised they didn’t know what to do with her and neither they wanted to fix that, they took the easy way and got rid of her making her contract the Legacy Virus so she could die and they could keep Psylocke being a sexy purple-haired ninja.

Vulcan/Gabriel Summers

I don’t think X-Men: Deadly Genesis is the unholy abomination many fans think it is, but even I admit they make Gabriel a character really hard to like. To begin with he’s supposed to be the third Summers brother, a mystery in the franchise that was introduced back in the 90s but that never got a satisfactory resolution, only a bunch of clues that lead nowhere and red herrings, in the main timeline at least, Claremont wrote in X-Men: The End the twist the third Summers brother was Remy all along. Anyways, so Gabriel is not only supposed to be the answer to a question fans didn’t care anymore at the time, but he was also part of a retcon, one related to a part as iconic to the X-Men cannon as it is the Giant Size X-Men published in 1975 and whose main point in the story was to show a dark secret Xavier hided to the rest of the X-Men (Still handled better than the bs Bendis wrote during the Original Sin event). But Gabriel, instead of first acting as confused as the rest of the X-Men team after they discover his existence, to later discover the truth of what happened, with him too enraged to listen to reasons and start to attack everyone wether what happened to him was their fault or not, Remender wrote Gabriel as a douchebag from the beginning, kidnapping Scott and Rachel and just being plain awful, especially to the one who was actually his niece. And then there’s the whole becoming the new Shi’ar emperor storyline that I couldn’t care less… Let’s see what Hickman does with him, although my hopes are not exactly high.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 3x03 Chapter Forty-Seven

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) I really hope this is not another bait...

There’s so much buildup that I wonder if this is going to be disappointing. Or if it will even happen at all…

Well, we’re back to where they got the go-ahead from the doctor, but...

2) People keep interrupting them, and I just wonder why Jane won’t just be open about it and tell her mom, dad, and grandma that they want some privacy to finally get laid!

3) “If you weren’t a singer, what would you be?”

It’s an interesting question indeed, considering she’s not really a singer and she hasn’t done much with her life so far. It’s a weird question to be asking yourself when you’re pushing forty, right? But I guess Xiomara always followed her impulse and that’s how she led her life, there wasn’t really much time to think about what she wanted to do. I’m kind of curious to see where they go with this.

4) New character, I guess?

So, this is Cecilia, Alba’s sister and the one responsible for telling everyone Alba wasn’t a virgin on her wedding day.

5) Oh, thank god!

I found the whole “You and I finishing at the same time” comment… odd? And tbh, Jane doesn’t look very satisfied. But at least she got it over with! Of course, he fell asleep right after, and it doesn’t feel as magical as she’d expected, I guess. But I mean, why should it? Expectations about the first time having sex should be very low, but culturally women are raised to make this huge deal of their “first time” and “losing their virginity”, and it’s very difficult to shed those expectations, right?

6) OMG she’s sending a sex tape of her first time with her husband to her advisor!

But… the most important question is, is she going to watch that video? Will Michael and Jane watch it? Will they do a play-by-play analysis? Will he notice that she didn’t really come?

7) “It was actually my first time” “Oh, that explains things…”

Well, the advisor (I’m sorry, can’t remember her name!) made it out to look like she was talking about her writing – which she might well have been – and how it was lacking something. I think I’ve actually mentioned this before, but It’s kind of odd for Jane to be a romance writer and to be writing sex scenes without actually having experienced sex herself. The advisor makes a good point – romance without sex is just fantasy. And I’m not saying that you can’t have romance if you’re asexual. But that’s not the type of stories Jane is writing or the audience she’s writing for. Anyway, I think the advisor was actually talking about her performance in the tape and not her writing. Or maybe both.

8) I knew it.

And of course, her friend tells her NOT TO TELL MICHAEL, and I’m like, huh? I just wish this would stop being a storyline? Both the faking and the not-talking to your partner about your feelings regarding the sexual experiences you share with them. Not having an orgasm is just part of the sexual experience and there’s nothing wrong with it, and sex can still be enjoyable even when you don’t have an orgasm. So let’s see where they take this storyline. I’m guessing Michael is going to be super supportive, and will try to make it up to her.

9) Why is this still a thing in this show? We get it, Luisa is a fucking moron, and she makes terrible decisions. I wish there was more to her character than that.

10) And I know that we crave representation for LGBTQ+, but… Rose is a fucking psycho? And this is almost a textbook abusive relationship? She’s literally kidnapped Luisa, isolated her, and keeps telling her how she’s alone and Rose is the only one there for her. (and I’m not even touching on the whole murderer/drug lord thing because that’s just part of the zaniness of this show.)

11) Okay, Xiomara is considering moving on from singing, but move on to what?

12) I genuinely laughed at this.

13) Okay, I liked this joke.

JANE: What’s the CW? Like a streaming thing? ROGELIO: No, no! It’s a huge network! Look it up! Amazing shows! Fabulous line-ups! 

Anyway, Jane is very intent on manipulating her mom into finding her passion for singing again, and I don’t know how I feel about this. Yes, Xiomara loves singing, but what is wrong with giving up? She hasn’t really made it, and there are other things she might be passionate about that she hasn’t figured out yet because she’s been pursuing her “singing career.” I know Jane is trying to be supportive, but if she truly were, she would just try to help her mom to find what other avenues she can pursue instead of tormenting her with her unfulfilled dreams. It just feels like another thing Jane does because it’s what she wants rather than being selfless and thinking of others.

14) See? This is why you should be honest with your partner about your orgasms or lack thereof…

At least it led to an honest conversation. Which led to this…

15) I’m loving this Cecilia character. I kind of wish she was the leading lady, actually. She’s so fun, even if she’s a figment of Jane’s imagination!

16) Rogelio is selling his show to the CW, but Rob Lowe will be the leading man, not him. I see how this could easily lead to an existential crisis for Rogelio, but I have so much faith in him, he’ll probably take it in stride and turn into a bigshot Hollywood producer.

17) Hm. Day two and Jane is already trying to spice up their sex life? This doesn’t bode well. And Michael is telling her not to discuss their glitch with anyone to protect his fragile ego? Because he tells her she can say they had sex, but that she shouldn’t mention how it wasn’t good? Double hm. And now Jane is with Xiomara, someone who could actually help her get out of her head and understand what she’s going through, but she keeps her mouth shut because Michael’s ego is more important.

18) And then she finds this…

I hope this sets her straight.

19) So… instead of getting on board with Xiomara wanting to move on after finding the list, Jane and Rogelio continue to plot to get her “back on track.” But why?

20) For a second, I thought Rafael had truly sent a caring, loving email to his sister, but it seems to be a ploy to get her to reply and reveal her location. Considering she’s a moron, she’ll probably fall for it, but it’s kind of sad? When she was reading the email, I was hoping it would be her wake-up call (if the fact that she literally jumped and gasped when Rose walked into her room wasn’t already a warning sign…) and that she would try and leave this toxic relationship. But if she’s being lured by false declarations of brotherly love… I don’t know, it feels wrong. Yes, she’s a fucking moron, but what makes her a moron is that she’s constantly looking for love and affection. That’s always her downfall.

21) Now, that is a cameo…

Loved the fan bit! 

22) So… Rogelio got freaking Gloria Estefan to help Xiomara, but it never occurred to him that it might have the opposite effect. Because Xiomara has seen Gloria and Emilio casually sitting there and watching her show and she’s freaking out.

You bow to royalty. 

23)  So… Lina Has just offered to help Michael and Jane and demanded a play by play, and Michael remembered the sex tape. He’s not going to show it to Lina, though, right? He’s just going to watch it and figure out what went wrong.

24) Oh, no she didn’t!

Why is she so intent on convincing Xiomara to continue pursuing a career that hasn’t really worked out for her? She hasn’t made it, and it doesn’t look like she will anytime soon, and that’s OKAY! What’s wrong with wanting to try other things? What if she’s really talented at something else and she’s missing the opportunity to shine because she’s stubbornly fixated on being a singer? And why does it matter so much to Jane? Why does she need to control everything and everyone’s lives?

25) So… this whole obsession with Xiomara’s career is because… Jane gave up her virginity? Huh? That doesn’t make sense? How is Xiomara’s singing career a metaphor for Jane’s virginity? I’m just confused! The show is usually very good at pulling off this type of parallelism and metaphors, but this time it just didn’t work for me.

26) See? Xiomara had the right answer all along:

“With sex, it can take time to find your groove and figure out what you like, what you need. You’re just starting out. You’ll get there.”

27) So… they end up watching their own sex tape, and finally have satisfying intercourse, I guess. I kind of wish this storyline hadn’t been resolved in an episode, though, it doesn’t feel realistic.

28) So, that was the reason for the riff between Alba and her sister Cecilia…

29) Why am I always so much more invested in Rogelio’s storylines?

He apologized for the way he broke-up with her, and then they decided to embrace their artistic connection. And now he has six months to become famous in America so that he can be the lead of his own show in the CW hahaha! I feel this storyline will be lots of fun.

30) Look what the cat dragged in…

…a moron thirsty for love.

31) So… I guess Rose lied about the whole “I’m not a criminal anymore” thing. Shocker.

Rafael’s mom was on her kill list, before she even killed her. And Muter died holding a bible and clamoring for her son. I guess this will be Rafael’s storyline, then.

32) To be honest, I wasn’t a fan of this episode. Usually, the plot A and plot B are connected in a way that makes sense, and this week, it felt a bit far-fetched to have Jane obsess over Xiomara’s singing career because she had let go of her virginity. I don’t know, what are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments!

33)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[sparkmender]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE

Fill out & Repost ♥ This meme definitely favors Canons more, but I hope OC's still can make it somehow work with their own lore and Lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Tagged by: @ifthearmorfits -- thank you opo!!

MY MUSE IS.   canon / oc / au (...in-canon au, because transformers) / canon-divergent / fandomless

(I will be getting into spoiler territory with this, but given that you all are following this blog, you’ve probably stuck around long enough to already see what’s up haha.)

is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  WELL… / NO / IDK. (evidently a lot of people have it bad for the nerd but I don’t do NSFW on tumblr, so lol)

is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

are they underrated?  YES / NO.

were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO.

were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO.

are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. (Given Rung’s quantum forgotten status WHO KNOWS)

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?

Putting it bluntly: Functionist alt. dimension Rung has a whole lot of plot holes. Swiss cheese boy. I’ve made liberal changes here and there so that he can play with a majority of muses in the MTMTE/LL community, but I’ve also taken a lot of free reign giving Rung’s general lack of backstory in-between spoiler/plot beats :P

SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.)

Rung is a very rare type of character, being an ostensibly ‘masculine’ character (in regards of a human binary lens) who prides himself on empathy, understanding, and caring for others’ physical and mental wellbeing in ways that often linger in more ‘feminine’ realms (again, in approx. to the human binary); it interests me to be able to explore such concepts in a territory where, considering lore and implied history, there’s no societal concept of (human ideal culturally-imposed) gender. He’s a creator ‘deity’, he literally produces souls, but nothing about his design is meant to emphasize a human sense of reproduction/fertility/etc. Most people would never look at him and conclude who and what he is. There’s also the fact that he’s been methodically documented, experimented on, taken apart, and then tortured for approx. 2 million years and yet he refused to let that break him. Rung is unflinchingly kind, willing to reach a hand out to anyone who needs a shoulder to lean on even when he has nothing of his own to offer. Hell, he studied medicine and philosophy so he could build the foundations for the Cybertronian method of behavioral psychology because even without memories of being Primus, Rung wants to take care of his creations. ...And then you add in how absolutely adorable it is to watch this old man dodder about with his puzzles and models and big googly glasses and I love him so much okay--

NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

To be honest, Rung can be kind of a Mary Sue/over powered character in some people’s eyes. Like, what, this random character who’s new to the franchise and made specifically by the author is actually Transformers God who suffered amnesia? And is friendly and polite to everyone but also has a streak of keeping a grudge and survives literal untold horrors because his body can just heal itself?? And he spits out crystals that make up sparks??? OH AND HE’S MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD AND DID I MENTION HE’S GOD SOMEHOW AND THEN HE STRAIGHT UP JUST DIES TWICE IN CANON, WOW

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?

H,,,, Him round,,,,,,,, No really I just loved his design that much. Him round. Also both my mom and my granddad are shrinks so I have, like, a basic grasp on psych stuff after reading through their textbooks and watching my granddad’s old research films and study tapes, so it was familiar territory I settled on writing Functionist!Rung in specific because I sympathize with having weird + painful medical shit inflicted on you all the time and because the idea of someone so genuine and careful being the core of a revolutionary movement is really,,, makes my heart squeeze.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?  

hell if I know I’m just kinda here forever lmao

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. needs more weird eldritch tech woogies but I’m terrified of alienating people

do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO. (mostly as they get yoinked by the fandom at large and then my notifications break my phone)

do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.  

do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES (to an extent because I write a lot of different muses and I’m constantly making/doing/playing something to keep my hands busy, so it’s inevitable) / NO.

are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?

Criticism is the best way to grow as a creator, tbh, but I will say I think the biggest complaint is just how goddamn slow + forgetful I am hahaha,,

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  

Sure! I have a tags specifically for weird Cybertronian biology quirks and for Rung just rambling about things, and it’s fun to get to reveal bits and pieces of the backstory I’ve created for him.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  

........I mean lmao you can tell me why you disagree but at the end of the day this is my personal portrayal of a specific version of a character who only shows up for like three issues of a 70+ issue long comic series.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?

There are several other fantastic Rung writers out there each with their own interpretations and understandings of the character, so like. Godspeed. Go, find the god your heart desires, and whatnot.

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?

Do you hate my portrayal of Rung, or just Rung in general?? I know a few people who just straight up dislike any version of Rung at all, so there’s that.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?  

English hard, hebrew and yiddish and spanish and romanian and german only. More seriously I was raised in an extremely weird house where English was the primary language but I was being taught by older people who never remembered which language they were using at the time. My first word was Mickey Mouse. I don’t know what’s happening. I went to art college. Please be gentle with me, sir.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?  

Oh most likely. There’s only like... one or two things I will go out of my way to discourage or avoid + I’m generally just kinda here to make other people happy haha

[tossertozier]

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

[[MORE]]

i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Hello! I really adore your blog and all the work you put into it! It's well appriciated. Anyways, a real question - how do you feel about Paul and Jane's relationship? Because it confuses me on so many levels. I find it very hard to believe she didn't know about his many affairs while they were together, yet the public reason for their break up is his adultery with Francie who denied that (I mean who even reported that?). 1/3

The other thing that confuses me is the fact that he was writing basically break up songs (but I didn’t register a lot of love there tbh) back in 66 and they somehow managed to last until 68, even though they totally didn’t give the impression of a good match (her ambition and his desire for housewife/bachelor life) nor did they seem as if they loved each other very much (at least publically).

The last part of the question, are you aware of a love song he wrote for her? I know some people think Here There and Everywhere but her brother apparently disagrees. Anyways, these are just my feelings and idk if I am not under a wrong impression here or something. I also don’t want it to sound like I am theoretizing here about it being a cover up for mclennon - because I am not! I think of it more as a publicity stunt for publicity…

…(even though I think it evolved into that over the course of time and it began more like Paul showing off with this pretty actress he managed to woo). What do you think? Thank you for your answer and sorry for the lenght, haha! R. 😎

Hey there! Thank you so much for the ask and a million apologies for taking so long to answer! It’s just that I had no opinion to speak of, at the time. 

I was just beginning to attempt getting a grasp on Paul– and to better comprehend my main interest of Lennon/McCartney– and hadn’t branched into the other people in his life yet. But to reach a true understanding, it is crucial to look at the full picture; and Jane was very much part of that picture, during a long and formative time!

Now, I must warn you that I’m nowhere near a Jane Asher connoisseur! This post comes with the disclaimer that I don’t feel adequately informed to answer it. But you asked, and it has been sitting in my inbox long enough, so… take my personal opinions for what they (always) are: honest (but probably flawed) attempts at understanding the emotional workings of human beings, based on the information available to me at the time. 

But because I feel like there is more information out there that I just didn’t find in the targeted research for this post, I urge more knowledgeable fans to give their contributions and/or correct me if I make some factual mistake. 

So, disclaimer given, here’s the actual answer:

I understand and empathize with your confusion regarding their relationship. I think it’s just a feeling that arises from the lack of information. After all, theirs was a relationship under intense public scrutiny from the very beginning, but whose actual inner workings were kept – through the effort of both parties – determinately private and personal. That’s always how Paul prefered it. And, effectively demonstrated by her resolute silence since, so has Jane. 

The main feeling I get from Paul and Jane is that they were both incredibly similar people, who also had somewhat separate interests. And this seems to have been both what attracted them to one another, and what eventually made them grow apart. 

Both of them were very socially adept; “good mixers”. Brian Sommerville (the Beatles’ publicity manager from 1963-1964) describes Jane as “a very sweet, extroverted girl […] bright, very conversational and full of fun”. This kind of sounds like Paul at his most gregarious. 

They were incredibly intelligent. And if Jane was cultured and knowledgeable, Paul was intensely curious, and soon became cultured and knowledgeable himself. And Paul himself openly admits that he was always attracted to “intelligent and talented people”. 

And we must acknowledge that the Asher’s lifestyle as a whole was something that captivated Paul (enough to have him literally move in with them as soon as he could). It had been instilled into him from early on, after all, this great appreciation for education and the drive to do better and rise out of his circumstances. 

[My parents] aspired to a better life. That idea that we had to get out of here, we had to do better than this. This was okay for everyone else in the street but we could do better than this. She was always moving to what she saw as a better place to bring her kids up.

[…]

My parents aspired for us, very much indeed. That is one of the great things you can find in ordinary people. My mum wanted me to be a doctor. ‘My son the doctor’ - and her being a nurse, too. No problem there. And my dad, who left school at fourteen, would have loved me to be a great scientist, a great university graduate. I always feel grateful for that. I mean, God, I certainly fulfilled their aspirations, talk about overachieving! That was all bred into me, that.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

People call Paul a “social climber” to demean him; and because the term is used to attack him, others defend him by saying his relationship with Jane had nothing to do with social climbing. But I don’t think this should be derogatory in the first place! 

Paul was ambitious; he did want to gain a higher social status. Not because he felt that made him inherently better than others; he’d just been raised to feel a sense of responsibility for being the best that he could be, and not live in poverty anymore! And what’s wrong with that, I’d like to know? 

All the Beatles wanted success, fame and status, so all of them were social climbers, in a sense. 

So what if one of the things that attracted Paul to Jane was that she was educated and cultured? It seems like a perfectly valid reason to be genuinely into someone to me.

Of course, both of them were beautiful. As Tony Barrow (the Beatles’ press officer) put it: “There was something about seeing them together that was magical. With those two gorgeous faces and all that incredible charisma, they looked like a couple of Greek gods.”  So the physical attraction was also obviously there.

And I don’t doubt that Paul was proud to have such a beautiful, talented and interesting person as a girlfriend, and might have felt like showing her off to friends. But I don’t think that lessens how enamoured they were with one another. If the whole relationship was being performed for outwards appreciation, I feel like there’d be a lot more performing going on. Instead, they never revealed more than they needed to, nor did they stop living to hide from the public eye. 

If there publicity strategies to it, they never came from Brian Epstein himself, who actually thought that the Beatles having girlfriends was a marketing mistake:

There was a considerable difference of opinion over the Jane Asher situation. Brian made a terrible fuss about it, saying that it would offend the fans. But, in effect, Paul just told him to mind his own business. Brian was probably just being over-cautious, and Paul more far-sighted, knowing that that sort of thing didn’t matter. But at the time it was a textbook rule of publicity that the artist must appear single and available.

— Brian Sommerville, in Chris Salewicz’s McCartney (1986).   

So the relationship wasn’t arranged as a publicity stunt. I feel like everything points to them just genuinely liking each other. 

(And now just an honest question to those of you who’ve been longer in the fandom: is George’s relationship with Pattie Boyd also suspected to be a publicity stunt? Because I don’t know if this has just escaped my notice, or if this claim is something that afflicts only Paul and Jane specifically. And if so, why do you think that is?)

But going back to their similarities, both Jane and Paul were incredibly independent, self-assured and work-oriented. And I think it was the clash of their strong personalities that actually caused the bumps in the relationship. 

Paul likes to be in control of himself and to some extent the environment around him. And he’d grown up in a society where it was acceptable for that to extend to his girlfriends. 

John and I lusted after Brigitte Bardot in our teen yearsand tried to make our girlfriends look like her. […] I had a girlfriend called Dot, Dorothy Rohne, who was my steady girlfriend forquite a long time in Liverpool. She and John’s girlfriend, later wife, CynthiaPowell, came over to Hamburg and I remember buying her a leather skirt andencouraging her to grow her hair long so she’d look like Brigitte.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997). 

Jane, of course, wasn’t willing to be moulded so easily.

That’s typical Paul [wanting me to stay inside the George V Hotel with the band instead of going out by myself to see Paris]. It’s just so silly of me to stay at the hotel. It’s just that he’s so insecure. For instance, he keeps saying he’s not interested in the future, but he must be because he says it so often. The trouble is, he wants the fans’ adulation and mine too. He’s so selfish, it’s his biggest fault. He can’t see that my feelings for him are real and that the fans’ are fantasy. Of course, it’s the trouble with all boys.

—Jane Asher, c/o Michael Braun, Love Me Do!: The Beatles’ Progress. (1964)

This little passage shows us Jane’s insights into the “darker” sides of Paul’s character that other’s wouldn’t often see. His insecurities: fear that Jane would betray him, anxieties about the future and his need to be liked. And this level of understanding shows either an incredible perceptiveness and emotional intelligence on Jane’s part, or it is another sign of how close they were and how well they knew each other. 

That Paul was understood like that by another person is extremely important! As he was reported saying after their breakup in 1968: 

Jane wasn’t just my woman, she was my closest friend. I’ve told her everything inside me. She knows what makes me tick down to things that happened as a kid. I went right through all the stuff about my mother dying and how I dealt with that. With Jane, I could just relax completely and be myself and that seemed to be what she wanted. With the other women, I’m a fucking millionaire rock star who just happens to be about as shallow as a puddle.

—in Alistair Taylor’s With the Beatles (2003).

Or just before that, as observed during the extensive interviews for the Beatles’ authorized biography, in 1967:

[Paul’s] life is much quieter and more ordered now. Paul is very communicative about himself, unlike the others. He talks everything over with Jane. She knows what he’s thinking.

— in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

And I can’t stress enough how significant it is that Paul was open in such a way! It just shows how much he respected and trusted Jane. 

And I think she also trusted him. With this I don’t mean to say that she trusted him not to sleep around; I don’t believe for a minute she didn’t know about it. And because she doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of person who would endure it if she was actually betrayed and hurt by this, my personal opinion is that this was a given; something known and accepted between them. And probably not just one-way either. They spent long periods apart, after all, and I think both Paul and Jane had agreed between themselves that it was okay to have affairs. I don’t know exactly the specifics of it, or if this was revoked when they got engaged. 

But I don’t think that was the (main) reason the engagement was called off either.

It is clear they enjoyed the other’s company, from the amount of time they spent on outings and holidays alone together. But both also seem rather uncompromising in respects to their personal careers, and that probably lead to clashes. During 1965 they spend a lot of time apart when Jane pursues her acting career in Bristol Old Vic company.

My whole existence for so long centred around a bachelor life. I didn’t treat women as most people do. I’ve always had a lot around, even when I’ve had a steady girl. My life generally has always been very lax, and not normal.

I knew it was selfish. It caused a few rows. Jane left me once and went off to Bristol to act. I said OK then, leave, I’ll find someone else. It was shattering to be without her.

— Paul McCartney, in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

Paul’s frustrations were exercised through ‘We Can Work It Out’ and ‘I’m Looking Through You’:

I wrote quite a lot of stuff up in that room actually [in Jane Asher’s family home]. I’m Looking Through You I seem to remember after an argument with Jane. There were a few of those moments. […]

As is one’s wont in relationships, you will from time to time argue or not see eye to eye on things, and a couple of the songs around this period were that kind of thing. This one I remember particularly as me being disillusioned over her commitment. She went down to the Bristol Old Vic quite a lot around this time. Suffice to say that this one was probably related to that romantic episode and I was seeing through her façade. And realising that it wasn’t quite all that it seemed. I would write it out in a song and then I’ve got rid of the emotion. I don’t hold grudges so that gets rid of that little bit of emotional baggage. I remember specifically this one being about that, getting rid of some emotional baggage. ‘I’m looking through you, and you’re not there!’

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

You’re thinking of me the same old wayYou were above me, but not todayThe only difference is you’re down thereI’m looking through you and you’re nowhere

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right? Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight

I’m looking through you, where did you go I thought I knew you, what did I know You don’t look different, but you have changedI’m looking through you, you’re not the same

Paul was especially shaken by this episode when it became apparent that she might actually leave him for her other boyfriend:

I remember more one time when she was working at the Bristol Old Vic and she’d got a boyfriend in Bristol and was going to leave me for him. That was wildly traumatic, that was ‘Uhhhh!’ Total rejection!

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

So to lead a better life, Paul needs his love to be here, but Jane was pursuing her own dreams:

Jane loved acting and Jane loved Paul, but she wasn’t about to give one up for the other. […] Of all the plum roles that had come her way, the Subservient Beatles Woman was the only one Jane Asher refused to play. […] She had too much going for her to take a backseat to anyone, much less her mate. From the beginning, Paul had a hard time keeping up with her. Jane’s diary, which she lived by, was a clutter of fascinating appointments and social commitments. “I was amazed by the diary,” Paul admitted. “I’ve never known people who stuffed so much into a day.” There were auditions, meetings with television and movie producers, vocal lessons, acting classes, fittings, gallery debuts, screenings, recitals, opening nights. […] “Paul was clearly in awe of her,” says Peter Brown. 

— in Bob Spitz’s The Beatles: The Biography (2005).

And though they both loved culture and the swinging London scene, Jane wasn’t into all the drugs or the rock-n’-roll world. So when they moved together to Cavendish in March 1966, their slightly different social circles often didn’t mix well.

At Wimpole Street, he and Jane had kept their social lives mainly separate. At Cavendish, she naturally wanted to entertain her theatre friends, and the mix of luvvies and rockers could sometimes be awkward. One evening when she had some fellow actors to dinner, Paul arrived home with John, who–whether the result of drink or pot or just plain Lennonness–was at his most maliciously provocative. When one of the actresses at the table nervously requested an ashtray, he knelt beside her and facetiously offered one of his nostrils for the purpose. Jane, with her usual sangfroid, simply extended a foot and pushed him over.

— in Phillip Norman’s Paul McCartney: The Biography (2016).

On this same month, during a skiing holiday in Switzerland, Paul writes ‘For No One’.

It was very nice and I remember writing 'For No One’ there.I suspect it was about another argument. I don’t have easy relationships withwomen, I never have. I talk too much truth.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

It’s interesting to me that Paul’s problem in his relationship with women is “talking too much truth”. But by the lyrics in the song, we see that once again Paul is struggling with Jane’s self-reliance and her perceived lack-of-interest for him (which I also find endlessly ironic):

She wakes up, she makes upShe takes her time and doesn’t feel she has to hurryShe no longer needs you

You want her, you need herAnd yet you don’t believe her when she says her love is deadYou think she needs you

You stay home, she goes outShe says that long ago she knew someone but now he’s goneShe doesn’t need him

Your day breaks, your mind achesThere will be times when all the things she said will fill your headYou won’t forget her

And in her eyes you see nothingNo sign of love behind the tearsCried for no oneA love that should have lasted years!

The next big separation comes in 1967, when Jane goes on a tour of the US for the first five months of the year. This was, of course, a time of tectonic changes within the Beatles and in Paul’s life. 

When I came back after five months, Paul had changed so much. He was on LSD which I hadn’t shared. I was jealous of the spiritual experiences he’d had with John.

—Jane Asher, in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

It must have been extremely disorientating to come back to the tripping, summer-of-love, looking-for-the-Meaning Paul. But to their credit, they did try to get to know one another again; reconnect:

On Jane’s return from America, she and Paul made a last-ditch stand to consolidate their relationship. Jane, unusually, even accompanied Paul to a recording session on 20 July 1967 […] Two days after the session, Jane accompanied Paul to Greece with the other Beatles. In August Jane was with him on the trip to Bangor to be initiated by the Maharishi, and during the difficult days following Brian’s death she was clearly a great source of strength and comfort to him; someone familiar and safe he could trust and confide in; someone with all the attributes of a wife. They spent the first three weeks of December alone together in Paul’s remote Scottish farm­house and four days later, on Christmas Day, 1967, they announced to Paul’s family - perhaps slightly to their own surprise - their engagement.

— in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

Jane and Paul make a very loving and lovely couple. Everyone agrees on this. […] Paul and Jane have more time together, on their own, than probably the other Beatle couples. They do get away together, to places like their Scottish home, thanks to Jane. They were the first to want to move to the country for good, to a quieter smaller house, which John and George now also want to do.

—in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

When they got engaged, on Christmas Day 1967, all these problems were in the past. Maharishi, for a long time, was the only little point of difference, although it was all amicable. Jane didn’t fall for him when the others did, although she understood the attraction. She would obviously have preferred to try to reach a spiritual state on their own. Paul wasn’t as committed as George and John when he went with Jane to India in 1968, but he felt there was something there that would help him, that might answer his questions. So Jane agreed to go with him. 

— in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

Suffice it to say, Paul didn’t get his answers. In fact, the reality he knew was about to crumble.

The summer of 1968 was a horrible storm of drugs, anxiety and heartbreak, where he had to take care of this budding enterprise while managing a band and losing both his partners. And I think Alistair Taylor’s descriptions of a completely wrecked Paul reflect all of that. 

It’s curious then how Paul recalls his reaction to the calling off of the engagement later:

I don’t remember [his and Jane’s eventual] breakup as being traumatic, really. I remember more one time when she was working at the Bristol Old Vic and she’d got a boyfriend in Bristol and was going to leave me for him. That was wildly traumatic, that was ‘Uhhhh!’ Total rejection! We got back together again but I had already gone through that when we eventually split up. It seemed it had to happen. It felt right.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

They were eventually both at peace with the decision. Paul has expressed that he had an intuitive unconscious reticence over actually marrying Jane. And Jane herself had felt that they’d grown too much and apart as people. She surmises: 

“And I had four [wonderful years].

“No, it wasn’t love at first sight on my side. It was several months before I felt at all certain. And of course, I was young. Only seventeen. Inevitably, one changes. After all, Paul himself was only twenty when we met.

“I knew in my bones that the break must inevitably come a long time before it actually happened. Although we had this emotional thing for each other, we found it difficult to be really happy together.”

I remembered, then, the character in another play who had cried: “I am not offering you happiness, but love.” And I remembered, too, how that great J. L. Garvin had once told me when I was Jane’s age: “Everything in life makes either for happiness or experience.”

“And sometimes the experience is more important,” I suggested now.

She nodded as she got up to go.

“I long to improve as an actress and I hope what’s happened to me will make me understand more fully the characters I am asked to play. Anyway, I promise you, I wouldn’t not have had it happen. I mean, I am very, very grateful for those four years. And I am not going to look back in bitterness or anger, but only forward.

“People are such bores who make a drama out of their lost loves. In every case someone has to fall out of love first.”

—Jane Asher, interview w/ Godfrey Winn for The Australian Women’s Weekly: Girl with a broken love affair. (April 23rd, 1969)

So here’s my overview of Paul and Jane. 

I feel like their relationship was very genuine and organic, so much so that they eventually grew in different directions. But they were nevertheless very important and formative figures in each other’s lives. 

And it was personally very interesting for me to see this side of Paul too, the one whose needs are left unmet by a driven, work-oriented, independent partner, and how he reacted to that. 

Jane herself is an awesome woman in her own right, and I loved this chance to get to know her a little better.

As for love songs written from Paul to Jane, I would ask for the help of more well-informed fans! I’m sure many of the feelings expressed in his love songs were also inspired in part by his experiences with Jane. Is there one particular song out there which has been stated to be about her?

[ironwoman359]

Learning New Things About Ourselves

 Observations, thoughts, and screenshots! 

(under the cut, because spoilers and also LONG)

Patton: “Take it from me. That’s not the way to work out your feelings.” Oof, you really can see Patton’s growth in this episode, he’s so much more aware of himself now. 

Patton: *gasp* Logan!!!!

“It’s Patton!”

Oh my goodness, he’s so excited to see him, Logan, acknowledge him, he’s so happy to see you. 

Logan and Roman are acting like they haven’t even made the progress they have recently, that’s how you really know something is off with Thomas. 

Thomas: Uh, guys? *makes the face*

Patton: “*gasp* I know that face!”

“My child is returning”

Virgil: Thomas you have got to do something about this!  Thomas: But this is what they always do. Right? Oof, Thomas, even if so, that’s not good. You need to help them solve their issues, or there’s never going to be any peace around. 

Patton is so aggressive in his love for Virgil, it’s so cute. And AWWWWW, Virgil gave Patton a dad themed nickname! That’s so precious, my moxiety loving heart is so happy right now! 

AAAAAH, just look at them, they’re best friends and I love it so much. 

(also mood with the arm thing, Thomas)

Virgil’s just all Roman, you’re an insecure moron, Logan, you’re an inconsiderate jerk, can you both just COOL it now? I do love that now, Virgil acts much more often as the “common sense we need,” like, lately he’s been an identifier of a lot of the problems and now that he’s actually listened to, it makes things go way smoother. 

Roman: “I’m not insecure!” Yes sweetie, yes you are.

R&L: I’M THE MOST IMPORTANT SIDE HERE! Everyone’s faces omg:

Virgil: “All I’m saying is you both suck at what you do and I’m tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butts.” 

Also, typical, Roman is trying to defend himself, Logan took Virgil way too literally, and Virgil is making gay jokes until Patton calms them all down. 

Patton, my hero, knowing how to get each of them to shut up, I am so using that in future fics. 

They all zero in so quickly on what Patton gives them:

(Also look at Patton’s face, this is like, a rare moment when he shows off how powerful he actually is. Not just as a strong influencer in Thomas’s personality, but like, he knows them all so well. He knows how they all tick, he knows their feelings better than they do, and he knows exactly how to calm each of them down. He probably also knows exactly how to work each of them up, too, but he doesn’t because he’s Good. This just...it makes me think of human aus where Patton is somehow able to get the whole school to listen to him or retaliates against bullies, and I love it.) 

Happy, distracted bois.

Roman the artist, you’re doing amazing sweetie, wow.

Patton figuring all this out is my jam, tbh. 

You can see the gears turning in his head, and then he has that AhHa! moment, and he doesn’t have the answers, but he knows that’s okay, they just need to do some soul searching to find out what the question is. 

And the others don’t get what he means, but LOGAN, the smart one, he realizes! He understands, and he comes SO close to saying “Patton, you’re a genius!” that it physically hurt me. (I think Logan is afraid, in that moment, but I’ll leave that analysis for another post) 

Logan is so dang proud of himself for that hat. 

Thomas: How did I used to learn things? Logan: Textbooks. Roman and Virgil: Mistakes. Patton: Puppets!!!  I do find it telling that Virgil and Roman both claimed mistakes as Thomas’s biggest source of learning. It not only highlights their tendency to work together on things such as acting and creating, but also how much they both think about their own pasts...I think it’s safe to say that the two of them are more introspective than Patton and Logan. Patton has learned to be more introspective and aware of himself with time, but for both Roman AND Virgil, that constant inner thought process is at the core of their function. No wonder they gave the same answer to that question. 

Virgil immediately jumping to Patton’s defense, “OR we could hear him out! He’s already made ONE valid point today.” I love how protective Virgil is of Patton, and again, I’ll probably go deeper on this in another post. 

I like how this keeps the canon from the other shapeshifting video, that Virgil has a harder time shapeshifting than the others. I also love how he immediately was like “Nope, nope, I can’t pull this off this was dumb” until Thomas reassures him. 

Patton: “You know what happens when you assume! You make an AS out of SU and ME!”  Patton has the dirtiest sense of humor out of all of them and NO ONE shall convince me otherwise. 

Logan throwing that flashcard, yikes.  

So much anger, but also so much instant regret.

Honestly, I think he’s really scared of himself right here, and it’s no wonder that he offered to leave before he could make things worse. But then when Patton refuses to let him leave again (he remembers what happened last time), he seems so surprised, as though he hadn’t expected Patton to care about his opinion enough to ask him to stay. 

Patton is so on the right track here, jumping STRAIGHT to talking about feelings, even though the others don’t like that idea, he insists, knowing that it’s the only thing that will really help them. 

When Thomas expresses that he feels unworthy of feeling bad, Patton shoots that down, knowing it to be unhealthy. I also feel like the line “It’s not your feelings job to make sense,” isn’t just about emotions, it’s about him too. He knows he’s silly, he knows he doesn’t always make sense (especially the way Logan wants him to), but he also knows his worth as a part of Thomas. And he’s going to do his job, dang it. 

I like how Virgil calls out both Logan AND Roman equally in this, both telling Logan to cool it with the deadlines, but also agreeing that Roman hasn’t been performing adequately. I also like how Virgil isn’t right throughout the WHOLE video too, I mean, he’s wrong right here, trying to fix the issue he sees on the surface without first examining the underlying emotions, because that makes him, Anxiety, uncomfortable. 

When Logan insists that no one is listening to him, Thomas then says, alright, I’ll hear you out. What should we do? 

I love the way that Patton, yet again, was the one able to guide Thomas to the question he needed: Am I doing the right thing with my life?

Logan: “If you asked me, I could list several factors that could be contributing to your doubts.” *looks around the room* 

I love that Virgil finally is just like “woah, Logan, what are some of those things?” He knows that’s what Logan wants, and that he’s not going to continue until he hears that verbal validation. 

Virgil the Count. 

“NO ONE TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY!” “Four. Four uncomfortable characters. In this room.” 

Logan is very concerned about Thomas’s image (and also his own) and you can TELL he’s been thinking about this for some time, but been holding it back because, despite how concerned he is, the others seem happy. So he’s held in what he thinks. But he can’t do that any longer. 

“You eat some jam, accidentally tell a few puns and now you’re all sensitive about not being taken seriously?” “I’M NOT A JOKE!” Someone hug him.  He even flat out SAYS that right now, he’s not being listened to. “I can’t be thought of as such, because there will be times in which I must be heeded, and given our current circumstances, I clearly haven’t been.”

Virgil validating Logan’s opinions even as he expresses his disagreement. 

Virgil: “Don’t start with me Thomas. I have plenty of hate to go around.”  Patton: “Oh very funny Virgil, you cute little muffin. Thomas, you know he doesn’t mean it. Now––”  After this, you can see Virgil’s puppet reel back a little, and it’s a testament to how good the puppeteer is because you can tell that that statement...actually hurt him a little. Sure, maybe he won’t HATE Thomas, but he does sometimes still use the scare tactics to make his point, and in some ways, Patton undermined his point by brushing off his tactics. 

Virgil and Roman having a snark off, I am living.  Roman also realizing when he’s gone too far and admitting his flaws, I am so living.

Roman: I do feel bad.  Virgil: Well then maybe you should say you’re sorry.  Roman: You’re right.  Virgil: Oh, really?  He was so surprised when Roman admitted he was right, and even though he thought that apology was for him and it turned out to be for Logan, I think it’s telling that Virgil is still sometimes surprised when Roman admits that his point was good. 

Roman apologizing is so sweet.  “I still feel bad.” Patton knowing that if he lets Roman express himself in a way he’s comfortable, ah, I just love this whole sequence. 

Roman calling Logan and the others his loved ones <3 

The look Logan gives Patton when Patton starts sing/rapping about how he used to hide his feelings:

Aaaaaaa my heart look at him. 

Patton: “Everybody gets sad, even dads who have people to care for,”  Patton cares so much for the others my heart is so full. 

Virgil participating in the song happily and voluntarily, so much growth since Christmas!!!

Virgil: “I thought that I could take it, all the hate would just be shaken, but when you lo– CARE for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn. I also felt bad.”  Roman: “Oh, come now–”  I just, love everything about this. Virgil’s lines, him almost saying love, but changing it last second, Roman literally reaching out to him, it’s just all so perfect <3. 

The music shifting into minor when Logan interrupts with his frustration, and YES, his and Thomas’s duet is fabulous. I get major Lin Manuel Miranda vibes from their section. (thank you @digitally-analog for the transcription.)  Thomas: This just serves as testament to the fact you have a temperament which is fine, you just haven’t accepted it. If you let them finish they’d get to the– Logan: This just serves as testament to the fact that to me, you’re negligent which is fine, it just works to your detriment. You not letting me finish is just proving my– 

Virgil: “HEY! ... You’re lost. It’s okay. I was lost once too,”  Virgil pulling through for them, YES, and I love how he’s able to just so clearly let the others know what they’re feeling sometimes. “You’re lost,” it reminds me of when in Patton’s room, he said “You’re afraid.” Patton may be most emotions, but those kinds of emotions are ones that Virgil is very familiar with, and ones he can spot easily in his friends, and ones he doesn’t want to see them go through the way he had to.

Virgil: No one wants to be a joke, T, R & P: but a life without jokes is incomplete! 

Roman’s bits, omg. 

Thomas: It’s alright, Princey, honestly it didn’t hurt me, it’s clear you’re the one who’s hurting.  Roman: Huh?  I just, someone take both him AND Logan to therapy, they are so emotionally unaware. 

Virgil: “You feel low.”  Coming through again with that problem identifying. 

P&V: “We embrace you,”  Roman: “That’s rich.”  Virgil (gently): “No one hates you.”  I think it’s so important that this line comes from him, because of all the sides, Roman probably feels like Virgil has the most justification to hate him, but here his is quietly reassuring him. 

Roman and Logan FINALLY talking to each other, THANK YOU 

And Logan realizing that the song was actually part of the conversation, and not random like he thought, you go you silly nerd, you’re getting it! Logic is always there, even in the methods that he doesn’t necessarily understand, and that the silliness and dramatics that Patton and Roman love can still be intelligent. 

“Why did I never question people’s belittling views on what I do?”  THERE IT IS THOMAS YOU GOT IT!

Nice DHMIS reference. 

Logan and Roman making up aaaaaah yay. Thomas and Virgil are so proud! 

Virgil telling Patton how he feels, but trying so hard to do it in a way that won’t hurt Patton’s feelings. I’m so proud of him. 

I’m so proud of ALL of them, they did so good. Thomas did good. Character Thomas and real Thomas, this video was amazing, and I loved it. That’s it for this post, but there will be more to come!  –Taylor <3

[pasteltofus]

1 Year of Learning Korean

One of the most popular questions I’ve gotten since coming back from Korea is: Are you fluent in Korean now??*

*Spoilers: I am not. 🙃

Looking back, I probably would have become more conversational if I had just done a 3-month intensive program. Although, compared to just learning by myself in the Bay Area, being in Korea definitely gave me more opportunities and motivation. I was placed in the high intermediate class for orientation (switched to low intermediate), but I would say that I’m now truly at an intermediate level. I think my Korean’s more or less the same as my Japanese (which has regressed a lot, and I only took 3 semesters in college) but with very shaky foundations. 

Anyways, here’s a brief timeline of what I did this grant year. Let’s go~

[Initiate lock n’ load montage]

July

Korean Intensive Program (8-12pm, 1-2pm M-F) 

Because of how the program was structured, I didn’t feel like I learned very much. This is partly why my foundation is so full of holes...we skipped around here and there. 

August

Korean Intensive Program

September

Korean was put on pause due to troubles adjusting to homestay

October

Occasionally did a few chapters of Billy Go’s Korean Made Simple at school 

Studied some Korean vocab 

November

???

December

I don’t think I studied Korean at all

January

Got a wakeup call when I spent 5 minutes trying to read the back of a sign at a smoothie shop and realized how slow I was at reading

February

Vocab grind (1000 Essential Korean Words), plan was to finish by the end of March. Two weeks of intense vocabulary cramming on Quizlet (did nothing in the end lol don’t try that)

Bought the Real Life Conversations Intermediate book

Studied Korean in Kpop lyrics

Started a side coding project to help my touch typing (K-pop lyric typing game)

March

Memorized dialogues from Real Life Conversations book with Lauren

Improved reading skills slightly by listening and following along with the audio recordings that come with the book

Read through the dialogues with the Korean literature teacher in my gyomushil

Continued to learn song lyrics

Wrote sentences with each new vocabulary word, got my co-teacher and the Korean literature teacher to check them (<-this was probably the most helpful game changer...it helped a lot with my spelling too)

Continued working on the K-pop typing game

April

Stopped learning new vocab at around Chapter 11 of Essential Words, focused on retaining old vocab through Anki flash cards

Finished the Go! Billy Korean Made Simple book that I bought ages ago (tbh it was too easy for me at this point but I was just too lazy)

Finally sat down and “learned” Korean verb conjugations (I’d just been going by gut instinct before…tbh I still kind of do 😅)

Kind of dropped the typing game after finishing the MVP 😅but I’m gonna try to finish it up now that I’m back

May

Started to panic about leaving Korea in 2.5 months but still sucking at Korean

Signed up for private lessons once a week for 90 minutes (My tutor asked me to give her a shout out. Her name is 서영심 (bwv830@gmail.com). If you’re in the Cheongju/Ochang area, she comes to you! She’s very professional and you’ll get your money’s worth.)

Started at the intermediate book that focused on grammar

Learned ~5 grammar points every week

Started writing and reading a lot more and actually seeing how words are spelled. The first time I saw 여기--a super common word (yogi) that means here--written out I thought it was so strange...not that I had thought it was 요기 (also pronounced yogi) but I just didn’t have a visual of it in my head, I guess.

June

Depressed about lack of improvement

Continued with private lessons but felt like I wasn’t really retaining the grammar dump from each week

At the very least, Korean homework kept me on track and made me practice even when I didn’t want to

Started Anki again since I hadn’t actively studied vocab since April.

An old K.Will song that I hadn’t listened to for a long time came up and I realized I could suddenly understand the lyrics. That was pretty cool and one of my small win moments.  

July

Feeling pretty hopeless with Korean

However, hung out with more Korean friends that only spoke Korean and felt like I was actually able to contribute to the conversation. (3 hours of Korean Listening ...🙃)

Was able to understand 70% of the conversation at my gyomushil’s final farewell lunch for me. I contributed to the gossip! 

Went home and immediately lost 50% of my Korean skills upon touching U.S. soil. 

So basically, after my burst of inspiration in February, my confidence and motivation in Korean just kept plummeting. Even now as I write up this post I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. But I do want to highlight the progress that I’ve made since orientation.

Korean Reading

We were all supposed to be able to read Hangul before we came to Korea. Being able to recognize the alphabet is different from being able to read and also different from knowing the pronunciation rules and where to pause in your reading. During my first semester, my eyes would automatically glaze over whenever I saw Korean text. When the second semester started, I tried to force myself to read everything I came across - storefronts, street signs, advertisements on buses, etc. Even if I didn’t know what it meant, I would force myself to read it. Right now, I can navigate a Korean shopping website and read a menu semi-comfortably. I’m still waiting for the day when I’ll see English sounding hangul and be able to read it as fast as English. Although, I will say it’s really nice to be able to read the Korean titles in Kpop videos on Youtube, especially when I come across really old songs (like Super Junior’s No Other 너 같은 사람 또 없어) and realize I now know what it means. 

Also, a new world that has opened up to me is...노래방!! Karaoke is such an adrenaline rush. I’d compare it to sight-reading or DDR/rhythm games where you know something is coming up and the satisfaction you get when you get it right with the beat of the music is 👌. It’s so gratifying to be able to sing along...거기 너 I FANCY YOU 아무나 원하지 않아 HEY! I love you (LOVE YA)!! 

Korean Writing

Back during orientation, I couldn’t spell anything on my own. I knew words every koreaboo knew like 어떻게 and 괜찮아 but I couldn’t write it because I didn’t know how spelling worked. It’s no wonder my spelling didn’t improve since a) I didn’t write and b) I didn’t even read. Even now I still make a lot of spelling mistakes, but I pay attention to words when I see them. It’s still a very slow process, but now I can picture the hangul in my head when I think of the word. 

Typing: I started orientation with around 15 wpm, then by the end of orientation I got to around 30 wpm. Currently, I’m at 60 wpm when I start cold and after I get warmed up I can go up to 80wpm. Being able to touch type is so useful, especially when I’m typing up long sentences from my textbook and I don’t have to look up.

Korean Listening

Dare I say...my Korean listening is my strongest point??? I remember when I took French listening tests in high school, I would always lament with everyone else that they spoke too fast for me to understand. But interestingly, for both Japanese and Korean, I never had that problem. If it only contains words and grammar I know, I can understand it perfectly fine even if it’s fast. I intuitively understand most Korean verb endings and exclamations so it’s not hard to know which way the conversation is flowing or when to interject with “세상에,” “맞아 맞아,” or “말도 안돼.” I used to think my poor lack of vocabulary was the number 1 thing blocking me from understanding, but then I learned more grammar and realized the things I didn’t know. I do feel like parts of the fog are being lifted...sometimes...

Korean Speaking: 

I still feel pretty embarrassed when I speak Korean because there are some sounds that I can’t pronounce. Compared to orientation, I have a few more stock phrases tucked and ready to go, but I still feel unable to express myself. Every conversation will start out fine, but they’ll all stagnate to the same topics and sentences after a while. 

Complications with other languages

I talked about how knowing some Japanese and Chinese was both an advantage and a disadvantage during my beginning stages, but this is true even now. 

Ever since I started getting more comfortable with typing and spelling Korean, I’ve started seeing the actual Hangul in my head when I think/hear Korean. I’ve also started to associate the locations of the Hangul characters with their locations on the Korean keyboard. 

One day, I was trying to text back my mom with “那是什么?” (Na Shi Shen Me/What’s that?) but was confused because those characters weren’t showing up. Then I realized I was typing “sk” instead of “na.” Some of you guys might get it....because “s” is where ㄴ(n) is and k is where ㅏ(a) is on the Korean keyboard. Clearly, my brain can’t handle it. It’s interesting because both the Japanese and Chinese keyboard uses the same alphabet placements as English.

Another time: I was watching a Talk To Me in Korean video where Hyunwoo talked about how 하다 is a very versatile verb. I immediately thought about how the Japanese equivalent is 수루 and even mentally mapped it out on the Korean keyboard...before realizing this is WRONG, WRONG, it’s する not 수루 LOUISE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING. (They are both pronounced suru)

What’s next? 

Now that I’m back in the States, it’s going to take even more determination and self-discipline to keep up with my Korean. But I really don’t want everything I’ve worked towards to just wash down the drain. I’ll aim to finish my intermediate grammar textbook and grind anki flashcards. Hopefully, I can find a language partner or a study group. We’ll see! 

[iridescentwinters]

hi there! don't know if you have done it before but could you give a description of each william remake on what you've seen so far including og? 😊

hello hello! oof i’ve never done this before!

and holy shit i made this super long,,,, but anyway here are my takes and personal descriptions of all the williams!

william (skam) – oh, william. the king of all williams because he’s the original bad boy with a broken past; the reason why we have the rest of the remakes boys. i think my initial opinion on him was how he was going to be a typical “wattpad” bad boy who would just chase after the good girl for the kicks of it. but my opinion changed heavily after watching season 2. while he did make mistakes in both season 1 for being an asshole to vilde and also not hearing noora out after learning the “truth” from his brother (the biggest asshole/villain) about the party, i think people take hating on him to the extreme. to me, william presented himself as someone who was ignorant with a cold-hard exterior, but in reality he was a determined person who was willing to change for the better and he also did look out for others’ well-being. he was quite soft-spoken i would say especially around noora, but nonetheless he stood by his virtues of being a loyal friend even when she told him it was “wrong” to use violence. he was a realist as well. twisting all of those characteristics about him make him look like a bad person, but he really wasn’t. he had a difficult family and he lost his sister. he was just a little lost, but i’d like to think he’s now a mature person who’s made a good connection with himself.

charles (skamfr) – like william, charles also presented himself as an ignorant asshole who couldn’t care less about what others thought, but in reality he’s quite the opposite! my favourite thing about charles is how that entire cold exterior melts whenever he’s around manon. watching season 2, i noticed that he was a lot more clingy than william (i would say). especially in the scenes where manon almost broke up with him, he looked desperate, sounded fragile and was a lot more apologetic (shout-out to michel and his incredible acting!). he’s a lot more cut-to-the-chase kind of person (maybe that could also be because of the limited time skamfr had for every episode lol). he didn’t like beating around the bush. and he hands-down is the most emotional william SO FAR. that tear when he found out about the party scene, and when manon said she didn’t know if she slept with his brother or not? MADE ME CRY. overall, charles is a huge teddy bear that needs to be protected at all costs. he tore toxic masculinity down.

alexander (druck) – now, this is a tricky one. my first impression of alex while watching his entrance was that he was going to be the coldest william. and i think i still stand by that impression. most of season 1 was him looking and sounding stone-cold. cool as ice. now this is where my inner winterberg warrior jumps out, but literally i kid you not the first time alex genuinely smiled was after mia confronted him and asked him if he wet the bed. from then on, every scene he had with mia in season 1, you can see him smiling. i think that’s what’s nicely done about alex: he genuinely doesn’t give a fuck about others’ opinions. including mia’s right now. i know every single william is very educated and keeps up with what’s going on in the world, but druck currently is showing that very well, with the discussion he and mia had in class about israel. not only does that underline mia’s flaws in her thoughts, it characterises alex of not just being a pretty face, but he understands the world’s issues. from the recent clip (the christmas eve one), we see that he’s not celebrating christmas with his own family, so that definitely will play a major role in why he’s so cold. i have a feeling his broken past is going to cut deeper. overall, alex is indeed the coldest william, but i have a feeling that hard rock exterior is going to break soon. kudos to chris veres!

edoardo (skamit) – ughhhh can i just say how much i miss his face?! i can’t wait to see him soon in season 3! to me, edo’s the funniest take on william. i wouldn’t call season 1 edo a fuckboy; i’d call him a PLAYBOY. he’s so…. classy. from the very limited scenes we’ve seen of him, i would say he’s bold. like alex, he isn’t afraid of how he’s being perceived (probably too rich to hear them), but like charles, he melts at the sight of eleonora. in the first clip of season 2, you literally see him roll his eyes at silvia, but the moment he catches eleonora’s eyes, he just becomes a whole other person. i’m interested in seeing how his character development will be like in season 3 and how giancarlo portrays edo. i think he’ll be a lot more open about his past to eleonora than all of the other williams. and he’ll get more serious in situations where he’s supposed to be. but overall, i see him as someone who’ll use humour to hide his true emotions!

daniel (skamaus) – daniel’s entrance was hands down my favourite entrance. the song, the positioning, everything just screamed king of school without even trying. i’m not even saying this because grace made this reference in her text to megan, but he really does remind me of sebastian valmont from cruel intentions! this is gonna make him sound like an asshole for 5 seconds but bare with me; i think he sees grace as a challenge. INITIALLY he does. he radiates “villain” energy, but in season 2 he’s going to forget all of that and will genuinely risk everything for grace. i just know it. he’s going to be the epitome of cliché (thanks to julie 😉). i think he’ll be the most afraid of breaking his tough barriers. i can’t wait to see how his character development is going to look like!

alejandro (skames) – BABY. A BABY HAS BEEN SPOTTED. but listen, don’t be fooled by looks,,,, alejandro most definitely is not the softest william. he may look like it, but he ain’t. and i think that’s what i like about him. he just never fails to surprise you. it’s nice to see a teenager play a teenage role! he just gives off cocky vibes, tbh. especially confident, which we can see in the halloween clip where he subtly asks nora for a dance (RIGHT IN FRONT OF VIRI). now, the reason why i brought up the fact that a teenager plays a teenage role is because despite having an arrogant upfront, i think alejandro is going to make a lot more mistakes and will be a lot more emotional than maybe even charles himself. fernando is 18, he’s still experiencing the teenage life. he’s going to have a more realistic take of a fuckboy in Spain.

noah (skamnl) – oK. noah is by far the most mysterious william. THIS MAN DOESNT EVEN HAVE HIS SURNAME DISCLOSED YET. he’s definitely a lot more quiet than the rest of the williams. i would even go to the extent of calling him alex’s foil (in a good way, of course!). that doesn’t mean he’s not confident though. most definitely is, especially with the last clip of season 1 where he gives liv the note behind engel’s back lmaoo. along with charles, he said fuck toxic masculinity by not only having a passion in the arts, but also with painting his nails. it’s the little things about him that characterise him as a good person. i wonder if he’s a lot more soft-spoken because of his family background. i have a feeling he’s going to be an ultra-soft version of charles. ugh writing about him makes me so sad bc i miss him, but i can’t wait to see him again in 2019 hehe

senne (wtfock) – senne’s a lot more involved with school than all of the williams combined (even daniel, who doesn’t seem to care much about popularity at school). which makes sense tbh, because i feel like the textbook definition of the most popular boy at school is being socially involved and yeah, being a jock basically. ugh i really need to get caught up with the rest of wtfock’s season 1, but from what i’ve seen, he’s kinda like a mixture of alex and edo. like alex, he’s not afraid of pointing out zoë’s flaws in her thinking, but like edo, he’s bold. he looked surprised when zoë made him pick up all of her stuff, but he nonetheless did what she told him to do, so i have a feeling we’re going to see more of that in season 2. he’s not going to be afraid of tearing down the stereotypical male bravado or being called “whipped” for listening to his girlfriend. i’m SO ready to see more of him next season!

[yeastofeden]

Hello! Your Traitor Uraraka theory was an amazing read! I want to dive into the world of character/story/literary analysis too, but I dont know where or how to start... Any advice/tips you could share?

Thanks so much! I’m honestly flattered you would ask… I’m ahobby writer so a lot of what I know about analysis is what I learnedin grade school, on my own, or adapted from what I know about artcriticism & analysis….. Since you’re not sure on the start,I’ll just talk about all the core things I feel helped me getinterested in this.

Read If I had torecommend anything specificfor reading, I’d say lookinto classic literature – not because its “critically acclaimed,”but because a lot of the time classic literature has been analyzed byprofessionals in their fields, so it can be a nice way to see howother people handle character interpretation, storytelling, worldbuilding, and so on. I liked Shakespeare a lot, and you probablywouldn’t be surprised to hear that people analyze the shit out ofShakespeare. I probably picked up the most of my understanding ofcharacter analysis from indulging in Shakespeare alone.

Don’t like Shakespeare? I’d say look into stories that are just over 50 years old; Lord ofthe Rings, Catcher in the Rye, Pride & Prejudice, Lord of theFlies…. So long as you can find actual scholars analyzing it,you’re golden. Read things you enjoy; if you like anime and only care about that…maybe check out textbooks on classic anime.

Alongwith looking up how others analyze, start being critical with all themedia you consume. Movies are a great way to do this because it’sshort format and easyconcumption. You can stayfocused on critical thinking for a couple of hours while enjoyingsomething–I also think movie reviews are a good way to experiencecritical analysis. And don’t just watch good movies… watch badones too, and figure out why they’re bad.

WriteActuallywrite. Take all the interesting things you learned and apply it tosomething. Don’t just think about it; the tragedy about onlythinking is that nothing really solidifies like it does once youfinally put it out there. Talkto friends about it if you can drag them into aconversation;a lot of my analysis started out because I was talking with otherpeople. If you don’t have anyone to talk to about a series or don’twant to bother people with your miscellaneous thoughts, get a sidetumblr or a dreamwidth and just write things there to get themdown–ifyou’reshy, just don’t tag things.Tbh, sometimes I just write things out and then delete them when I’mfinished just so I can get the thought out of me. Writing is just apowerful tool tohelp organize thoughts into cohesive opinions.

Butdon’t just write thoughts only… build on them. Write your owncharacters and stories just for fun. Write fanfiction. WriteAlternate Universes. Really just explore your own taste in fictionand the kind of things you yourself want to see. If there’s onevery easy thing I could suggest… take your favourite characters orship and slap them into story that already exists. I wrote one of myOTPs a few years ago into HasChristian Andersen’s theLittle Mermaid,andit was interesting andfuntrying to suit different characters into the roles of the story.

Writingand reading as a combination are just good things for you; they helpbuild competency with literature and language, andby just indulging in the two of these while remaining critical canjust naturally better your ability to read deeper into things.

ResearchAlongwith the earlier mentioned analyses that you should look into, it’sworth it to look into like extra resources. Check out interviews withyour favourite authors; look at like Ted Talks about creativity andwriting; read into tropes and motifs; find creative people you likeand follow their work and look for trends; lookinto writing concepts and themes.Storiesare just made up of patterns and once you start finding the patterns,you can start exploiting them. A Hero’s Journey is one of the mostfundamental patterns we can follow in storytelling, and with someabstract thinking we can start to predict the events that will occurin a story. A lot of my theory is built up on observing patterns.

IfI could point you toward one single video, it’s Kirby Ferguson’sTED talk “Embrace the Remix.” It talks about the idea thatnothing is original and all things are just remixed versions of eachother. This is part of why tropes exist;  you could go look attvtropes.org and hit random and start learning about these patternsright now. Granted, I don’t recommend using tropes as a foundationof an argument, but knowing tropes can help you connect the dotsbetween series.

IfI had to suggest any non-literary research that’s worth lookinginto….Check out psychology, art, and/or culture. Psychology is just morepatterns, I use Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs when I write andobserve survival horror. Art is another way to tell a story and isespecially useful when observing visual media. Culture can help youunderstand why people write the way they do, becausethere is a difference between Eastern and Western media andstorytelling trends.

“Personality sections”Alittle back story on me: pretty much all of thereading/writing/researching I do thesedaysis because I do a lot of text-based roleplay on Dreamwidth. I’vebeen doing this for about8 years.Overthe years, I’ve written out easilyover 30 “personality sections,” which are basically 500-2kcharacter summaries–for characters like Sakura from Naruto, Makotofrom Free, Jake English from Homestuck, and so many others–as apart of a way to “prove” that I understand the character I’mroleplaying whenjoining organized groups.I’ve also read literallyhundredsof these personality sections because I joined vetting teams forsaid organized groups, and have written many rejectionresponses to help people understand where they can improve.A lot of people I know hate writingthese personality sections… but I love them.

Youcould join RP and get a feel for it thesame wayI did, but that might not be your thing. But the process of writingthese “personality sections” wasbroken down to a science byroleplayers,and can be seen as a base form of character analysis. Wetalkedabout a character’s personality, what shaped them to be that way,and sometimes how that affected them in the future of their story.When I led a vetting team, these were the requirements I set:

Mustbe at least three paragraphs long for minor characters, fiveparagraphs long for main characters. Players should be able to conveya good understanding of their characters, but just describing apersonality isn’t enough. Make sure that when you explain aparticular attitude that you back yourself up with some canon proof,otherwise mods have to wonder where you are getting this informationregardless of our knowledge of canon. Be sure to explain clearly andconcisely, organizing your paragraphs so related subjects aretogether. Avoid explaining the personality in such a way that itreads like a history section - generally this is determined byunnecessary use of chronological order.

Andthese are the same guidelines I hold myself to when I work on my ownpersonality sections. Some people have broken down personalitysections in such a way that they are formatted “three positivetraits, three negative traits” withsome variance.Some like to talk about important relationships aswell.I always defend that personality should be backed up with actualcanon evidence. “Uraraka is kind,” I could say, but I should backit up with an instance where she showed kindness, such as when shesaved Midoriya from tripping when they first meet.

TheorizingIfI’m honest, I don’t much like theorizing. I like to read theoriesand I like to think about things, but I’m not actually partial totrying to predict the future of a series because I feel likeserialized stories are too choppy to be worth my time, and there’snot much sense trying to predict the future of a story that’sfinished. I’m more inclined toward theorizing about the past, orwhat’s already happened but wasn’t explained.

Mydisinterest in theorizing kind of shows….I’ve only written twotheories for Tumblr–Urarakais the Traitor (My Hero Academia), and Both Shiros are the Clone(Voltron). I think I ended up being right about the second one butI’m not sure where the interview isthatproves it, justthat it was SDCC stuff.Thereason I’ve written any theories at all is because I personally wasmotivated by frustration–I didn’t know why people weren’ttalking about these things. SoI made a post to try to get people to talk. BeforeI posted my theory, no one would have looked twice at Uraraka andthat drove me nuts.Now I’ve made a following strong enough that Uraraka seems to beone of the highest contenders in terms of just… gossip. Which,thanks guys. I’m floored.

So…. Myadvice would be to pick a subject you think should be talked aboutand go for it. Do the research. Canon-review. Takenotes. Search for patterns outside what you’re trying to analyze.Writeand rewrite and rewrite again, becauseanalyzing is basically high school but fun.

And…lastly…. Prepare to be wrong. You have a different sense ofstorytelling than anyone else. I have been bitten right in the assbecause I viewed and loved many-a character because I saw them theway I wanted to, and the author clearly did not share my views.And people might not like your theory; people might super hate iteven, and that’s not such a big deal. In the end it’s just fiction and we’re all just here to enjoy a story we love.

I…know that’s a lot, but Ihope it was at least helpful information! Ithink in the end the most important part is just to be critical andremain open-minded. Never stop learning. Choose your battles. Write about what you love.And don’t worry so much about being wrong. 

[letthehatersbark]

hello~ can you still remember your wanna one mbti typing post? may i ask if you guessed their type based on the cognitive functions? if yes, can you elaborate? thanks in advance!

Hi!  I actually forgot I made that post. (From WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30, 2017!)

I just found some notes I made on it at the time.  Yes I definitely use the cognitive functions for all my typings (most of which can now be seen at @theunit-mbti ) so here we go:

Jisung:  ESTJ

Jisung is one of the people I am the least certain of, actually.  On my original notes, I actually crossed out ESTJ and put ESFP, which is different other than being on the Te-Fi axis.  I’m pretty sure that Jisung uses Te, because he definitely thinks out loud and uses external methods to process his thoughts.  I think he has Fi because he cares about individuals on a personal level and in order to understand them links them back to his own struggles, etc.  I reckoned he was a sensor rather than an intuitor but in the end decided he possibly showed more Se than Si, but I’m still not sure.

Sungwoon:  ESTP

Cheeky, fun, manipulative Ti-Fe axis, but also that Ti-Fe ExTP thing of caring HUGELY what other people think of him while at the same time wishing that he didn’t.  Don’t think his lines of thought are tangential enough to be an ENTP.  

Minhyun:  ISTJ (or ISFJ)

Similar to Jin from BTS - they really always reminded me of each other, right from BTS’ debut.  Feels like he has surpressed and controlled Ne.  Concerned with order, and tidiness, to the extent that he will group-tidy (strong, boss-like Te).  Happy to lead, in a systematic fashion.  A somewhat “boring” intellectual.  Not as exciting as some of the other members (Si/Te) but quite clear-cut and to the point (Te).  However, has a sensor’s understanding of what is situationally appropriate.

Seongwu:  ENTP

I have seen Seongwu typed as an “annoying ESFJ” recently, which is interesting because an ESFJ has the same functions as an ENTP but in a different order.  I get this, because he always wants to please people and amuse them, which shows strong Fe.  But he is also more manipulative of a crowd’s engagement (Ti-Fe) than an ESFJ would be, where a manipulative ESFJ would simply manipulate emotions.  Hmm not sure that makes sense but he’s definitely an extrovert with strong Ne and Fe.

Jaehwan:  ISFJ

I wrote ISFJ/ENFP in my notes.  Not really sure which because they are two of the types I know really well from being an ISFJ myself and having lots of ENFP friends.  He would be in my friendship group tbh, but because I can recognise qualities from him that link with both myself and my ENFP friends, I’m not very adept at picking out from that what he is.  His messiness might indicate more ENFP than ISFJ though.  (But the ENFP nature of wanting to be good to your friends and make them happy makes him fine with adapting and improving e.g. when Minhyun wants him to.)  Also think he may show more signs of Fi now than Fe.  His Ne use is obvious.

Daniel:  ESFP

Since that post I’ve seen Daniel described by others as “a boring/generic ESFP”.  He is quite a textbook ESFP, in fact, perhaps the most ESFP-ish ESFP in the whole of the kpop world that i can think of at the moment.  He reacts quickly, he enjoys fun things, he sleeps easily (no nagging Ne thoughts) he is self-motivated, he can put haters behind him and move on with his life.  I think he’s quite a healthy ESFP tbh (unlike someone like EXO’s Baekhyun or Myname’s Seyong).

Jihoon: INFP

I feel like I’ve written up a summary about Jihoon before but I can’t find it.

He’s an interesting one who I’m kind of intrigued by.  He’s introverted.  He is weird and “random” in certain situations and moments (Ne).  But he is SET on his dream and by God he was DETERMINED (Fi).  He was the only one who I felt in the competition on PD101 S02 was actually aiming as hard as he could for first place (Te:  “I outworked you all!!”).  But I ditched the idea of ISTJ, although I guess he could be.  It might depend on his enneagram, which I’m just trying to get to grips with.  He’s darty, jumpy, unexpected, and cute though, which I link with Ne.  I really like him for more than just his looks.

Woojin: ISFP

I don’t know any ISFPs in real life (I think // that I’m close to) so this is always a bit of a hard one to explain.  Definitely an introvert, slightly slower than an ESFP might be, but still ready to react to any situation and go with it (Se).    Hmm.  Kind of hard to tell what’s going on in his mind (Fi).  All the Se stereotypes like being a good dancer/performer lol.  The “Se-stare” is definitely in use as well.

I also considered INTP for him, but I think ISFP fits better.

Jinyoung:  INFJ

Most people type him as INFJ, INFP, or ISFJ.  On my notes, I have him written as INFJ/ISFJ.  He says too many direct and plain statements for me to think INFP anymore, and was actually starting to consider ISTJ.  I think he’s also a bit colder than most INFPs are (not that he’s cold exactly, but he’s not overflowing with need for companionship;  he’s more independent than the average INFP from my experience).  I thought he had Ni because has has that sort of ability to pull a conclusion out of nowhere.  But then again, a lot of his statements are drawn directly from factual information which he’s just relaying at a particularly profound point in time.  I thought he had Fe because he was particularly good at listening to what other people thought was a good idea and fitting in with them.  He also cares what people think about him which can come across in his vain moments.  I’m not sure about him really, probably even less sure than Jisung.  I’d need to study him again.  I originally thought I got that “INFJ vibe” from him but almost a year later and suddenly I’m not so sure.

Daehwi:  ESFJ

This was the easiest one.  I usually have no trouble spotting ESFJs and he stood out to me immediately.  His mother-hen like nature (Fe), in spite of being a youngling.  His panic in situations where people aren’t getting along (Fe).  He seems more Si-like than Ni-like and definitely prefers to deal with the real (Si) rather than the abstract (N).  Very attached to his mother, almost protective (Fe).

Guanlin:  ISTP

Almost another mystery but sigificantly comparable to Jungkook.  I wrote INTP/ISTP/ISFJ on my notes for Guanlin, which is roughly what I originally thought for Jungkook.  ISTPs are also difficult for me to type because I’m not friends with any IRL, much like ISFPs.  However, I think Guanlin uses low Fe, because he responds to other’s emotions more significantly than his own immediate ones;  he can have kind of emotionally delayed reactions;  he can be quite analytical, suggesting Ti; and I’m sure he has Se over Ne.  He can read situations very well considering his slight language barrier.

Ok so none of these are definite or set in stone!  The ones I’m most sure of, however, are Daniel and Daehwi.  I hope this helped, and thank you for the question.  More discussion on the topic welcomed!

[dear-jjh]

distractions | Part 2

gif originally posted by baejinsgirl

characters: bae jinyoung x reader, the rest of wanna one? word count: 2.1k genre: fluff, angst? hmm enemies to lovers au?, classmate au author’s note: heres the continuation of part 1! make sure to read the first part first before reading this one so you dont get confused! i might post two more parts for this but i’m still not sure yet! i hope you like it and as always, let me know what you think! thank you! and i’m soooo sorry this took so long. 

masterlist | part 1 

you squinted your eyes at the four men who just entered the classroom

mainly focusing on the most familiar one

you blinked, many times, trying to check if it was really him

you shook your head

it was him

god. you. are. so. lucky.

you lifted your head up to meet his eyes

he smirked at you

and you just glared at him

he paused for a moment on his spot

your gaze still locked on him as he made his way to the empty seat beside you

he was followed by his friend who was pretty tall

they both sat on the empty seats beside yours while his two other friends sat behind them

you shifted your eyes in front of the classroom trying not to get distracted by your new classmate

your new seatmate

your teacher came into the classroom with a bright smile on her face

the loud murmuring and silent screaming immediately faded out

“Good morning everyone! Welcome! I will be your home teacher for this year! its senior year and I hope you will do your best!”

ugh, senior year, you thought

this year, your last year in high school

you promised yourself that you would focus this year

focused on your studies, extracurricular activities

you wanted to make it to your dream university with an amazing transcript and highschool background

you promised no distractions this year

you wanted it to be better compared to last year

you immediately snapped out of your thoughts when your teacher, Ms. Kim said, “So, shall we proceed with introducing yourselves?”

the class nodded in harmony

she started calling people who sat in the first row until she said

“Now, onto our student council president”

you stood up from your seat and fixed your hair a bit

everyone applauded

except for the man who sat beside you

he had his chin resting on the palm of his right hand as he looked up at you

a part of you somewhat felt nervous with his eyes stuck on you as you try to introduce yourself

“Hello everyone! good morning! If you don’t know yet, my name is Y/N and I’m the president of the student council! I hope that we can make our senior year the best together and as individuals!”

you confidently said and sent your classmates a sweet smile

“Thank you Y/N!” she paused and removed her eye contact with you and looked at the person who followed your movements with his eyes

“Now, onto the young man beside Y/N”

you turned to him to look at him

meeting his eyes, he came back to his senses

here comes the whispers and the murmurs again

the girls around the classroom eyed him

all attention was on him

he stood up from his seat as you sat down

he gulped

“Good morning, I’m Bae Jinyoung. I’m a transfer student for this year. I hope we can all get along and make senior year a great one.”

he managed to introduce himself in a cold tone which made the girls in the room squeal a little bit

you rolled your eyes in annoyance

what’s so special about him thats driving them crazy?

anyways

Ms. Kim dismissed the class early today so that you guys can go and find your classrooms

you grabbed your backpack that laid on the floor and carried your notebooks with your right hand

ready to leave the classroom to go to your other classes

until Ms. Kim called out your name

“Y/N!!” she shyly shouted

you hurried to her desk at the front, realizing that there weren’t as much people left in the classroom anymore

“Yes, Ms.Kim?” you smiled

“Can you do me a favor, dear?” she asked

you smiled brightly, “Yes! Of course!!”

she handed you a class schedule

you scanned it with your eyes

it wasn’t yours tho

“Can you help one of the transfer students find his classrooms? I checked everyones schedule and yours was the one that had the most classes with him!”

your eyes widened in shock

Ms. Kim looked gave you a questioning look, “Is there something wrong?”

“Oh, no no! May I ask who’s schedule is this?”

by the name written on top of the paper, you knew who it was

you just didn’t want to admit it

you wanted to double-check

or maybe exchange with someone else

“That’s mine.”

a deep voice came from behind you

you closed your eyes tightly while taking a deep breath

slowly, you turned around

a tall figure towering over you and Ms. Kim

“That’s my schedule.”

“Ah. I see”, that was all you could say

he grabbed the paper from your hands and looked at it

“So, Y/N, can you help Jinyoung?”, Ms. Kim asked

“Uh, uh, y-yes for sure!”

“Okay thats great! See you guys later!” she said waving to the both of you as she left the classroom

you were about to follow her out until the deep voice called you

“Where are you going?” he said

you stopped but you didn’t turn your back to face him,

“To class.”

you could hear footsteps coming towards you from the back and you knew it was him

“You do know that you’re supposed to help me, right?” he leaned down a bit to say it from the back of your ear

you turned to face him

and you grabbed his schedule from his grip

“Follow me”, you ordered

he did follow you

you showed him his classes and it turned out that he was in 3/4 of them

you were with him for chemistry, english and math

the only class you didn’t have with him was history

he attentively followed you and he listened carefully whenever you gave him instructions

after showing him all of his classrooms (which most of them turned out to be yours as well)

it was finally time to head to your chemistry class

when the both of you reached the classroom

you walked in together

you spotted your friends in a corner of the classroom

they smiled when they saw you

but those smiles slowly faded when they saw the man beside you

they weren’t disappointed

but they were sort of confused?

you ran to them and greeted them

“He seems really familiar, whats his name?” your friend Hana asked

“Hes a transfer student. His name is Bae Jinyoung”

you looked at Jinyoung who was currently talking to one of his friends who turned out to be in the same class

anyways, the class started and you all seated in your seats

surprise! he sat beside you

tbh during the time you were showing him his classrooms

he was different compared to what you thought he was

he was actually really quiet

and you didn’t think that he would be the opposite

you both got closer since you sat together and you were in each other’s classes

classes with jinyoung weren’t that bad

you initially thought that he would be as cocky or rude like he was when you first met him

sometimes, he would ask you for help since you sat together

“Okay, but just help me with this one!! Its the last one, I promise!” he shyly slides his paper closer to you

“YOU’VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR THE PAST 10 QUESTIONS” you groaned at him

“Its that laaaaaaast one!!!”

you still ended up helping him tho

sometimes, he would annoy you by poking the side of your arm during class

and he wouldn’t stop doing so until you turn to look at him and he would just smile at you foolishly

or sometimes, he would move his chair closer to yours and put his rest his arm in your chair

and just watch you do your work while he stare at you

“Hi.”

you would then turn to him and say

“Can i help you?”

he shakes his head and gives you a slight smile

after a month or so of sitting beside him in the classes you have together

you got to know him better

a lot better than your first impression

he would also always ask you if you need help when you’re stressing out about planning for the next event for the school

“Are you sure that you don’t need any of my help?” he asks

“Yes, i’m sure! Thank you for asking” you force a slight smile even though you were so stressed

also,

since you’re not in the same history class

he would also offer to walk you to class since you would have to carry a few textbooks

“Come on, I’ll walk you to class! My class is literally just a few steps away from yours” he said as he starts to carry your textbooks in his left hand

“You know you don’t have to right?” you shyly respond to him

he turns to you and say, “Yeah, I know!! But I insist! Like what I told you, my class is also in the same floor”

hes such a gentleman tbh

one time, during a day when there was a school event

you went to class wearing a short skirt and a formal top

you needed to dress up as you needed to speak later in front of the whole class of 2018

it was to let them know about the plans for the prom coming up

“What are you wearing?” he asks you with a serious look on his face

“Clothes obviously, what else?” you answered him

he started taking off his denim jacket and he said

“You’re going to sit later up in the stage, infront of everyone and that’s what you’re wearing?”

you looked at him as he handed you his jacket

“What’s this for?”

“Use it later to cover yourself when you sit down”

an unexpected heat came rushing to your face and you were afraid that he would notice that you were blushing

“T-thank you” you said and turned to return to your seat

slowly dying in the inside

on another day, during lunch

your friend Hana mentioned again that Jinyung looked familiar

you asked her where she might’ve seen him

but she was still unsure

“You know, you’ve been hanging out a lot with Jinyoung lately” she said

“We have majority of our classes together thats why I’m always with him” you said as you took a bit of your sandwich

“Are you dating him?”

you almost choked on your sandwich when you heard her next question

“WHAT? NO, we’re just friends!” you stated

“I was just reminding you because you promised yourself that theres going to be no distractions this year… and I was thinking that he might be one of them”

you looked at her this time

“What? No, no. Baejin is not distracting me in any way possible” you gave her a reassurance smile

“Baejin? Isn’t it Iinyoung?”

“Oh yeah! But he told me to call him Baejin instead”

she stopped talking but she just looked at you again quietly

“What?” you asked

“No one calls him that except for you and some of his friends”

thats when it hit you

the whole day that day,

that was all you could think of

you noticed that it was true

you and some of his friends are the only ones who call him that...

you were walking to class

with nothing in your mind

except for what your friend said

and then,

someone yelled your name

“Y/N!”

you turned to see Baejin running towards you

you felt your heart beat a little faster than normal

he wrapped his hands around your shoulders

which made your heart beat faster than before

whats this feeling? you thought

the next day, during lunch

you carried a tray to your table that had your lunch and wallet in it

“Aren’t you going to eat?” you asked Hana who was currently following your movements

“I forgot to bring my money” she frowned

you felt bad for her because she didn’t have anything to eat

and so you offered,

“Go take my wallet and buy something” you smiled at her

her face lit up and she said “Oh my god, You’re a life savior!”

she grabbed your wallet and opened it

Hana stopped for a moment

her smile fading away again to a confused expression

“What’s up? Are you okay?” you worriedly asked her

she pointed at the baby picture of you and your friend from when you were kids 

Hana started to laugh and said, “I knew it! I knew he looked familiar!”

you were confused for a second

“Yeah, that’s my childhood friend, why?” you suddenly felt cold

“Bae Jinyoung looks exactly like him!” Hana exclaimed

posted on 180209