#my first roll on the d20 was a 17

[natp20]

"Faith is a funny thing. Be careful where you place it. It can give strength, or it can lead to terrible things."

the dice hoarding begins today

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

i keep laughing when i read the dnd campaign with the beast pirates-

now i need to see how it would go with shanks and his crew

Imagine DND game night with the Red Hair pirates

Yassop: *the reluctant DM* All alright, so you've all fallen through a sinkhole and landed in the goblin King's throne room. Benn's paladin lands directly on the heir to the goblin throne, dealing *rolls dice* 17 points crush damage, and you killed him.

Benn: oh come on, I didn't even do anything.

Yassop: the goblin king, with his too-tight pants, ruffly white shirt, and long blond hair, launches himself to his feet. And in a booming voice, he yelled out, "These outsiders have murdered my son! Throw them in the dungeon!"

You: but it was Benn's fat ass that did it! Why do I have to go to the dungeon?

Yassop: The goblin king pauses, clearly thinking it over, after a moment he says, "Fine, that one's excused," before yelling, "but the rest go to the dungeon!"

Lime Juice: fuck me.

Shanks: what the fuck, we just broke out of jail less than three in-game hours ago!

Yassop: *definitely not punishing them for murdering an important NPC, and is trying to buy himself time to figure out what to do* Huh, I hadn't noticed...

Lucky Roux: For the love of god!

Yassop: Anyway, the entire party, minus (y/n) Dragon born, is taken to the dungeon. The goblin king turns to your dragon-born and looks you over, "Now, what shall we do with you?"

You: I'd like to roll a perception check, I'd like to know the vibe of the goblin king's court, from the nobles to the servants. *Rolls a D20* Fifteen with my plus eight modifiers, so twenty-three.

Yassop: Both groups, nobles, and serfs, are terrified of their king. You can see that a servant in the far corner has bandages under his shirt. It appears that he's been flogged recently. You notice, the nobles' eyes darting nervously as they mutter to one another.

You: I'd like to offer my services to his majesty, as a bard.

Yassop: The king scoffs, "I have plenty of bards, I have no use for another, you shall tend to the hearths of my castle. Go, start with the kitchens." You are taken to the kitchens and see it's dark, humid, hot, and crowded. The servants are wary of you, you see many of them are injured, and gaunt. The châtelaine approaches you and hands you a large rusty ring of keys and a map. She tells you your responsibilities are to make sure all the fires in the castle are lit.

You: and how much am I paid?

Yassop: she scoffs, "Your pay is food in your belly, a roof over your head, and clothes on your back. Now get started." And she leaves in a huff.

You: I'd like to persuade the servants to work together to overthrow the Goblin King because they deserve fair wages and safe working conditions.

Lime Juice: *chortling,* of course, unionizing them is your first move.

Yassop: *frustrated,* roll a d20.

You: *rolls* nat twenty, let's fucking go!!

Yassop: you inspire a popular servant to take the lead, and they overthrow the goblin King. The servants beat him to death. *Rubbing his temples in irritation*

You: I free the group from the dungeon while the servants deal with the king, using the keys and map the châtelaine gave me.

Shanks: Before we leave, can we look for treasure?

You: .... let's only take a reasonable amount, we wouldn't want to make them our enemies.

Benn: very wise.

List of Up-and-coming works || Master list || Twitter| Kofi || Patreon

[saritapaleo]

Archovember is here once again! Looooots of theropods this year. Also a lot more dinosaurs in general than other archosaurs. Sorry. There were just too many I wanted to add!

I also apologize that there are several redraws in this list… I included a couple animals I’ve drawn for past Archovembers that I wasn’t quite happy with (7 to be exact, oop). If you’ve been drawing along since the beginning and don’t feel like drawing a repeat, feel free to substitute a related species!

For new folks: this is my “Draw Dinovember” list that I expanded out to include other archosauriforms. I started doing this a few years ago to challenge myself to draw species I’ve never drawn before and/or ones that don’t get a lot of attention. Feel free to join in! You can do the whole list, just the dinosaurs (the names in green), just the pterosaurs (orange), just the pseudosuchians (blue), just the 3 oddballs (red), just your favorites, just ones you’ve never drawn before, pick one blindly, roll a D20 and a D10 and draw the sum of whichever numbers you get, etc. Just make sure they’re posted on or after their specific day! You can use #Archovember or #Archovember2024, as those are the tags I follow. Be as detailed or as sketchy as you’d like! I’ll be leaving the story highlights on my Instagram (also SaritaPaleo) from last year’s Archovember up until November 1st, if you’d like to see what people have done in the past! (This challenge usually gets a lot more traction on Instagram; so I would recommend checking it out there if you have one!)

As a disclaimer that I am obligated to give every year: when you are looking for refs for some of these species you will come across David Peters. This guy posts a lot of pseudoscientific images featuring lesser-known species, and his stuff can sometimes dominate search results. Do not trust anything from sites called “Reptile Evolution” or “The Pterosaur Heresies.” Peters’ constant outpouring of material has a habit of clogging up search results, misleading and tripping up people who may be trying to get into paleoart. He fooled me when I was first starting out! If you’re drawing along and are having trouble finding legit references, send me a message and I can send you what I’m using!

Anyway, here is the list in case the above graphic can’t be read:

1. Your Choice!

2. Other - Protorosaurus speneri

3. Dinosaur - Gorgosaurus libratus

4. Pterosaur - Preondactylus buffarinii

5. Dinosaur - Gargoyleosaurus parkpinorum

6. Pseudosuchian - Razanandrongobe sakalavae

7. Dinosaur - Vespersaurus paranaensis

8. Other - Euparkeria capensis

9. Dinosaur - Spiclypeus shipporum

10. Pterosaur - Arambourgiania philadelphiae

11. Dinosaur - Tsintaosaurus spinorhinus

12. Pseudosuchian - Armadillosuchus arrudai

13. Dinosaur - Shingopana songwensis

14. Pterosaur - Cuspicephalus scarfi

15. Dinosaur - Saturnalia tupiniquim

16. Pterosaur - Caelestiventus hanseni

17. Dinosaur - Koreaceratops hwaseongensis

18. Pseudosuchian - Lotosaurus adentus

19. Dinosaur - Pelagornis sandersi

20. Pterosaur - Anurognathus ammoni

21. Dinosaur - Jakapil kaniukura

22. Pseudosuchian - Purussaurus brasiliensis

23. Dinosaur - Ledumahadi mafube

24. Pseudosuchian - Sillosuchus longicervix

25. Pterosaur - Pteranodon longiceps

26. Dinosaur - Compsognathus longipes

27. Other - Tanystropheus longobardicus

28. Pseudosuchian - Eurycephalosuchus gannanensis

29. Pterosaur - Campylognathoides zitteli

30. Dinosaur - Iguanodon bernissartensis

[utilitycaster]

How would the wizards win, they are knocked out easily and fragile as fuck???

Hi anon,

In the interest of verisimilitude I am running this combat play by play. Assumptions include:

Equipment is that of their last appearance (Echoes of the Solstice for the PCs but before Caleb gives his stone to Luc, and 2x141 for Essek) with the notable exception that no one has any potions

All magical items with charges are fully charged

The wizards have all necessary components for their spells

Caleb’s philosopher’s stone is on him and is set to constitution save proficiency, which is how Caleb usually has it set.

Caleb will not access spells that we have not seen him use previously

Essek gets the high level dunamancy spells though bc we left with him not accessing 9th levels and it seems reasonable he’d have these learned.

Characters are all level 20

The poll this is based on does not explicitly say to the death, so I am counting “at least one of the wizards survives and put Yasha somewhere she is not going to bother them” as a win condition for them.

For the purposes of this exercise I am going to make Essek a chronurgist but swap out the level 2 abilities (Chronal Shift and Temporal Awareness) for Adjust Density since we know he has the latter but “time is his speciality” as I don’t have his actual stat block.

Essek’s CON, WIS, CHA, and STR are unknown as are his HP. I have rolled for them, added his CHA bonus as a drow, and taken an ASI to one other stat. I have also just used the wizard default of 4 HP per level + con bonuses. I rolled (4d6 drop lowest): 16, 8, 14, and 11, which seems like a reasonable spread. I’m giving him 16 CHA (14+2 racial bonus), 16 CON, 8 STR, and 13 (11+2) WIS, which seems reasonable to me. His HP is therefore 6+4*19+3*20=142.

They all start at the corners of a square with sides 30 feet, as there is no 2D configuration of four equidistant points. Same teams are at diagonals from each other (ie, going clockwise, it goes Beau, Caleb, Yasha, Essek.)

In order to stave off any whining: if both wizards roll higher on the dice for initiative than both sentinel babes I will reroll. After that the dice shall tell their story.

Caleb is not allowed to cast Wish to simply win the fight even though that is the obvious answer and not prohibited per the rules of the poll because while that proves my point, actually running through the combat and demonstrating the general case of “wizards beat melee at L20 as a rule” is more fun for me.

Final and most important rule: I am a human person running through combat for four people. Will this be perfectly optimal in every way? No. If there is something egregiously wrong then mention it but if you simply had a different strategy then well, write it out yourself.

Combat below the jump:

Initiative: Caleb rolled 7 (modified to 9), Essek rolled 16 (modified to 19), Yasha rolled 15 (modified to 18), Beau rolled 3 on the d20 and 6 on the d8 from her boots of the vigilant (total of 14).

Round 1

Essek casts Hold Person on Yasha since he cannot cast it on both at once as they are 42.4 feet from each other. She fails with a natural 1. [L2 spell used - Essek]

Yasha rolls again at the end of her turn, and gets a 12, failing.

Beau runs to Essek and attacks him twice, using a ki point to stunning strike him on her first hit and attempting for all hits after until it succeeds. She rolls an 11 and a 14 to hit on the dice, which will hit. Essek rolls a natural 18 on his first con save, succeeding, but a 9 on his second, which fails, dropping his hold on Yasha. Beau just takes flurry of blows for her bonus action, with advantage, rolling a 17 and a 12 respectively at advantage. Total damage to Essek is 14+11+7+7=39 damage. (2 ki used) She can also extract aspects; he is a normal guy.

Caleb shapechanges into an ancient white dragon. He picks up Essek in a talon (object interaction) and flies 35 feet into the air.[L9 spell used - Caleb; concentration]

Round 2

Essek is stunned

Yasha summons her wings. She makes her Frightful Presence save with a natural 18 and flies almost into melee with Dragon!Caleb but that is her action. She rages as a bonus action.

Beau has no abilities nor items that extend more than 30 feet away. She may as well use Empty Body to become invisible and resistant to all damage though! (6 ki used total, 4 this round). She makes her frightful presence save with a 15 on the dice. Essek is no longer stunned.

Dragon!Caleb can get both Yasha and Beau in a cone of cold, DC 22. Yasha saves with a 17 on the dice and total of 27,  Beau rolls a 3 and uses a ki point to reroll, getting a 9+10 which fails. This is a con save, so no evasion. I rolled extremely well (thanks google dice roller thing) and Beau takes 96 cold damage, halved to 48 from Empty Body. Yasha takes 48 cold damage as well, halved due to her saving throw. Caleb rolls a 6 on the d6; this ability recharges. He then flies 80 feet away from Yasha.

Round 3

Essek casts Ravenous Void 30 feet behind Yasha such that he and Caleb are outside of the spell’s 100 foot range. Beau is however also in range, though neither she nor Yasha are within range of the sphere, merely the 100 foot event horizon. [L9 spell used, Essek; concentration].

Yasha must make a strength save, which she makes with a 14 on the die, against Essek’s DC of 20. She moves 25 feet towards Caleb and Essek as she is in difficult terrain (yes, even in the air.) She uses her battle cry ability as a bonus action, granting Beau advantage on attacks and saves.

Beau makes a strength save as well, and makes it with a natural 18. She can activate her maelstrom gloves at this point I suppose, as her action. She also runs from the sphere, along the ground, at half speed (35 feet); she will use step of the wind to dash as a bonus action (70 feet). She is still within the range of the spell this turn.

Caleb can hit Yasha with the cold damage again. She makes her save with a 15 on the dice. I rolled much more poorly this time; she takes 32 damage. His breath weapon does NOT recharge this round as I rolled a 4.

At the end of round 3: Caleb has 333 HP as a dragon and has used one 9th level spell on which he is concentrating. Essek has 103 HP as himself and has used one 2nd level spell and one 9th level spell, the latter on which he is concentrating. Beau has 144 HP and is invisible; she has used 8 of her 20 ki points. Yasha has 148 HP and is currently raging.

Round 4

Essek casts lightning bolt on Yasha at 5th level. She fails her dex save (16+3 = 19, his DC is 20), taking 10d6 lightning damage, or 26 points per my roll. (Yasha is at 122 HP).

Yasha makes a strength save at advantage against Ravenous Void, just making it with a 10, but Essek uses Convergent future to make her fail. Yasha is pulled into the Ravenous Void; Essek takes one level of exhaustion. Yasha takes 5d10 force damage (another 26 points) and is restrained. (Yasha is at 94 HP).

Beau rolls a 15, succeeding with a 21. She successfully runs out of the range of ravening void and stays there. HOWEVER she is now within Dragon!Caleb’s blindsight radius.

Caleb gets directly above Beau and attacks her with his multiattack. He rolls a 9, 17, and 15 on the dice and gets +14 on all three attacks, dealing 2d10+8, 2d8, 2d8+8, and 2d6+8 damage total, all of which will be halved. That added up was a 72 total, halved to 36 for Beau who is now at 108 HP. He rolls a 5 on the d6, recharging his breath weapon. All attacks are made at minimum 10 foot reach, putting him outside the range of Sentinel; he returns to 40 feet above Beau.

Round 5

Yasha is out of range, so, upon realizing what’s going on, Essek casts See Invisibility on himself and can now see Beau, but that is his action.

Yasha takes another 34 damage from the Ravenous Void and makes a strength save at advantage; she makes it and is no longer restrained. She can get 15 feet out of the sphere. (Yasha is at 60 HP)

Beau can I guess run 70 feet away from the wizards.

Caleb uses his breath weapon again on Beau. She rolls a 5 on the dice, which is a failure on the con save. She takes 39 (79 halved) damage. Beau is now at 69 HP (nice). The breath weapon does not recharge this round.

Round 6

Essek casts Gravity Sinkhole where Beau is. She rolls a 4 on the dice and fails her Con save, taking the full 5d10 force damage (27) which isn’t halved by Empty Body. Beau is now at 42 HP.

Yasha succeeds on her saving throw and is now 40 feet out of the sphere, 50 from the center. She needs to make her next two rounds of saves to get out of the range of the spell, but takes no damage this round. She heals herself up 20 points, to 80, as her action.

Beau runs another 70 feet away.

Caleb goes after Beau, who I assume is running at a tangent to the radius of Ravenous Void, and dashes, catching up but is not able to attack.

Round 7

Essek uses momentary stasis on Beau. She rolls a 9 on her Con save, failing with a total of 19; she is incapacitated and has a speed of zero.

Yasha rolls a 3 and a 4 on her next saving throw, failing her strength save, and is pulled back into the center of the sphere, taking 5d10 (33) damage. Yasha is at 47 HP.

Beau is incapacitated.

Caleb makes his multiattack, dealing 57 total, halved to 28. Beau is now at 14 HP.  Caleb’s breath weapon does not return.

Round 8

Essek casts gravity sinkhole again at Beau. She rolls a 19, making her con save, but still takes 5d10 halved. I rolled a 28, halved to 14, precisely knocking her unconscious.

Yasha takes 25 force damage from the center of the sphere and makes her save, moving out from the center of the sphere. Yasha is at 22 HP.

Beau rolls a 2 on her first death save. This however does not matter, because...

Caleb lands and attacks Beau, taking her death saves and killing her. His breath weapon does not return.

Round 9

Essek hangs out in Caleb’s talons, chilling.

Yasha makes her strength save and moves out from the center of the sphere. She is again 50 feet from the center.

Caleb flies to the edge of the radius of Essek’s spell and lands.

Round 10

Essek gets out of Caleb’s talons and stands but is otherwise still chilling.

Yasha makes her strength save and dashes, reaching the wizards but is not able to attack them. She is no longer raging, having taken no damage nor attacked in a round, so she rages again.

Caleb drops Shapechange and casts Disintegrate. Yasha rolls an 11, for a dex save of 14, failing. She is reduced to 0 HP by Disintegrate, which turns her into dust and kills her because she is still dust even though she is raging.

Conclusion: I did to be fair roll like absolute shit for Beau but it was ultimately a game of dragon-and-monk anyway; once they're in the air and she's not and Yasha's unable to come to her aid, she's fucked. The second Beau fails to stunning strike one of the wizards, and Caleb gets a +9 assuming he has all his favorite magic rocks around him against Beau's 18 DC, so this is not out of the question, they can and will either turn into a dragon with a +14 to con saves and also who can fly, or cast "gravity hates you personally" at 9th level.

I would also note that Yasha's 101 damage in one hit in Echoes of the Solstice relies on several buffs from - you guessed it - magic users, as well as a crit. (fun fact! I rolled zero nat 20s during this, which is kind of weird although also I was mostly only rolling saves). Neither she nor Beau can one-shot one of the wizards on their own - even if they're teaming up only on one of them it's going to take 2-3 rounds, and meanwhile the other has, again, cast "fuck you" at 9th level in the meantime.

[chronicrabbit]

Ok, but

Imagine Gareth getting ABSOLUTELY FED UP with watching Eddie and Steve moon over each other, convinced that it’s hopeless and completely oblivious that their feelings are, in fact, 100% mutual.

So he hatches a plan to, let’s say, hurry things along.

It’s a Hellfire Night. All are in attendance in the Wheeler’s basement, including- of course- Steve Harrington himself.

The ex-jock had finally quit pretending he’d rather be elsewhere, allowing himself to watch the session unfold with obvious interest.

It was hard not to be interested in Eddie’s narratives.

They were playing a one shot as Eddie’s larger campaign was still in the works.

Their party had just stopped off to rest in a tavern and stock up on supplies, the perfect place for Gareth to put his plan into action.

“I’d like to look for some company for the night,” he stated, fixing Eddie with a smirk.

As expected, Eddie didn’t so much as blink as the rest of the party burst into giggles, leaning over the table with a smirk of his own.

“Very well. Roll perception for me.”

Gareth does, proudly calling out a 17.

Eddie nods.

“You glance toward the mostly empty bar where the barkeep is pouring a glass of fine wine for a fair elven maiden. Her hair seems to glow a pale golden hue, and-“

“Tell me about the barkeep. What does he look like?”

Eddie’s eyebrows quirk, the first sign that he’s maybe catching on to Gareth’s intentions.

Still, he continues on.

“He’s… a half elf with dark hair and eyes, and a pale scar bisecting his face.”

“Is he handsome?” Gareth presses, earning a further raised brow from Eddie.

“He’s a half elf,” the DM replies dryly.

Gareth grins.

“I approach the barkeep with a charming smile, leaning on the bar and tossing down a couple gold pieces from the pouch on my belt.

“A flagon of mead, if you please.”

Gareth attempts to school his expression into something flirtatious.

Eddie snorts but pulls himself together fast, falling into character with the ease and practice of a master.

“That’s a rather bold display of wealth, hero. You should be cautious lest someone try to take that from you,” he says in a smooth tone.

Steve straightens in his seat, his interest very clearly piqued.

It’s almost too easy.

“Is that a threat?” Gareth says in a low voice, his smirk widening.

Eddie presses a hand to his heart, feigning very mild offense tinged with amusement.

“Not at all. Simply advice. This is a dangerous town after all.”

“Pity,” Gareth shrugs, leaning his elbow against the table and meeting Eddie’s gaze dead on.

“I wouldn’t have minded a threat from one as fair as you.”

“Roll charisma,” Eddie orders, eyes twinkling with mirth as Gareth snatches up his d20 and shakes it in his fist.

He can see Steve from the corner of his eye, doing his utmost to look unaffected, but Gareth could tell he was some sort of flustered if the way he was shifting restlessly in his seat was anything to go by.

Delightful.

Gareth takes in a breath before he looks down at his die.

“Nat 20, baby,” he announces much to the wild amusement of the party.

Eddie raises his hands to cease the excited chatter, leaning in on both elbows to meet Gareth’s gaze with a positively sultry look of his own, large eyes half lidded, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Would you not?” he questions with a mockingly innocent tone, tilting his head so his dark curls fall down over one shoulder.

“Threats are not typically well looked upon unless you have a- heh- preference toward punishment.”

As Mike and Lucas snicker, Gareth watches Steve.

His cheeks are tinged a noticeable pink, his eyes glued to the carpet beneath his shoes as if it’s suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

Can’t have that.

Gareth decides to up the ante.

“And what if I do? What advice have you for that, fair one?”

Eddie eyes him up and down in character, leaning in even closer until he’s inches from Gareth’s face.

“The barkeep looks you up and down consideringly. He seems to like what he sees as he slams down your flagon of mead and pushes it and your gold over toward you.

“I would advise you finish your drink and head up to your room for the night,” Eddie finishes with a sly and salacious smirk, taking hold of Gareth’s chin with his calloused fingers.

“I’ll find you when I want you.”

And there it was.

Steve Harrington’s breaking point.

Steve stands quietly from his spot in the couch, muttering a quick excuse before rushing up the steps and out of the basement.

No one else seems to notice but Gareth.

It’s not long after Steve’s hasty retreat that Eddie calls for a break, everyone dispersing to seek out snacks and bladder relief.

Gareth makes his way upstairs after relieving himself, intent on rewarding his hard work with a slice of Mrs. Wheeler’s chocolate cake when a sound from outside catches his attention.

He approaches the window overlooking the backyard, slowly pulling the curtain aside to see…

Steve Harrington pinned against the side of the house with an armful of Eddie, their mouths connected in the most aggressive kiss Gareth has ever seen.

It looks like they’re trying their damnedest to eat each other, Eddie’s hands tangled in Steve’s hair, Steve’s shoved up the back of Eddie’s shirt.

Gareth holds back a snort at the loud thump that sounds as Eddie shoves his thigh between Steve’s legs, the ex-jock’s head smacking against the side of the house as he lets out a low groan.

With a self-satisfied grin, Gareth pulls the curtains closed once more, slices himself a nice big piece of cake, and trots back down the stairs to the rest of the party, pre-preparing an explanation for what exactly was keeping their DM.

The End 🖤

~Rabbit 🐇

[faerie-petals]

✨✨FHJY spoilers ✨✨

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*

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*(Need to get all my thoughts on episode 17 out before I explode)*

AHHHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THAT EPISODE WAS INSANE

THE FUCKING PORTER REVEAL I KNEW IT!!!! I am going insane

I am so in love with everything Emily Axford is doing, I was wary of Fig being a paladin at first but it is working out so well - but I am SCARED bc her conversation with Zara is giving me the feeling that this could be Figs last season since Emily already wanted to retire her at the beginning of JY.

Was SO not expecting Murphs roll to be the big roll of the episode (thought it was the fated Ally one) but am so pleasantly surprised bc the Ragh/Porter reveal is truly one of the best moments I’ve ever seen from Dimension 20.

The fucking heartbreak I felt when Oisins ping pong balls came up and started releasing spells - like that was such a cute moment when we all thought he was just so flustered by Adaine but NO he’s MEAN!!!!! Siobhan’s face killed me ☹️☹️

I usually have a hard time sort of fully absorbing the lore of a d20 season but this huge lore drop and how they kept going over it in a very succinct way was SO helpful for me I feel fully prepared for theses final few episodes AHHHHHH

I feel like it’s gonna be just fighting from now on - I wonder if there will be any more twists??

OMFG AND THE ART!!! CAIT MAY HAS BLESSED US WITH ALL THIS BEAUTIFUL ART!!!

Okokokok I am SICK!!! That was a crazy ep!!!!! I am so excited for the rest of the season!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[sexhaver]

my favorite MTG "combos" are the ones that require a level 3 judge with a college-level understanding of probability to determine if they end the game or not. the poster child for this used to be the classic "infinite mana + Filigree Sages + Wirefly Hive + opponent controls a Leonin Elder" thought experiment, but the D&D set supplanted it with the combo of Delina, Wild Mage + Pixie Guide being right there in draft. like, people did this on accident, which is INFINITELY funnier

the "combo" is that if you target the Pixie with Delina's attack trigger, you have a roughly 17% chance of creating so many copies of Pixie that it's almost (but not quite!) impossible to get anything other than the 15-20 range on Delina's ability. you would think this is an infinite loop that ends in a draw, but because you can technically break out of the loop at any time (with vanishingly low and rapidly shrinking odds), you can't shortcut it and have to sit there in nondeterministically quasi-infinite D20-rolling purgatory until the sun explodes or a judge issues you a game loss for slow play, whichever comes first.

or at least that's what would have happened without the day 0 errata, lol

anyways, i was considering building a Zedruu EDH deck that includes Delina + Pixie + R&D's Secret Lair + Wirefly Hive et. al. with the goal of "winning" by forcing the table to argue over college-level probability and/or obscure rules interactions. what other "combos" can i run? Opalescene + Humility is an obvious autoinclude, but what about funnier stuff, like targeting Platinum Angel with Illicit Auction? much to consider...

[s-che]

reporting from the Dream Library: Apocalypse World

After however many years of games pointing its direction, I finally played Apocalypse Worlds as the first leg of a long series of one- and two-shots I’m running over in the Dream Library, my weekly drop-in-game-and-design-chat discord. We’re starting a unit talking through some of the highs, lows, landmarks, and cul-de-sacs in the now fourteen-year long history of PBTA design — it’s looking something like an actual play book club. 

It’s an interesting journey to be embarking on — and I’ll talk a little bit more about where we’re going next at the end of this post — but, hey, first:

I fucking loved Apocalypse World.

Part 1: Big Thoughts & Caveats

Apocalypse World rules. That isn’t a particularly hot take, and it isn’t a set up for me to tear into the game later. I’m not being polite here. The game fucking rules. Every time I opened the book (I’ve got both a physical copy and a pdf of the second edition), I was confronted by some absolute sick nasty shit that slapped and fucked and went supremely hard. The game is good good good in a way that, tbh, makes me a little disappointed in a whole bunch of PBTA games that come after it and totally miss, imo, where all the cool shit in Apocalypse World came from. 

There’s a way in which, speaking as a mostly casual observer who was mostly not around during the big years of the PBTA boom (for those keeping score at home, I listened to Friends at the Table on and off from about 2016 on and played a handful of Dungeon World and Sprawl sessions as a result, but didn’t start actively participating in the blood machine we call design discourse until after I graduated college in 2021), what seems to get fossilized as the core of PBTA design, especially in the public pitch for various systems, is mostly the simplicity of the dice and resolution systems — make a move, roll 2d6+stat, partial successes, isn’t this so much easier than d20 rollover?

And, sure, those form a part of the marketability of PBTA, especially to a mainline RPG audience. But there’s more than just that in this book — a lot more — in a way which makes me upset that this wasn’t the shit I was hearing about at 17. Meguey & Vincent Baker have skill for designing with what you might call elegant maximalism in mind, a philosophy where you are constantly confronted — especially when handling the physical object — by a book which is impressive both in its length and in its density. 

Apocalypse World (like Under Hollow Hills, which we’ll be playing at the very end of our PBTA unit in the Dream Library) is remarkable both for the number of moving pieces and for the fluidity with which those pieces fit together. I understand why that kind of game, coupled with how easy it is to hack moves into something entirely new, leads to a design moment which emphasizes rules-light play, but — agh! There’s just so much more game in Apocalypse World than in so many of the games which build on it. The text calls for the MC to “barf forth apocalyptica” — and it feels like Vincent and Meguey have done something similar, here, cramming everything which makes the game interesting right into the text.

All that being said, I butchered this game in order to run it as a one-shot. Apocalypse World should not be run as a one-shot. There are lots of very funny forum conversations to be found, if you start looking online for advice on running Apocalypse World as a one-shot, where people tell each other not to run Apocalypse World as a one-shot. In several of them, especially on the old lumpley forums, Vincent chimes in and suggest not running it as a one-shot.

Unfortunately, the limits of trying to run a series of games in conversation with each other, in a reasonable period of time, with a rotating set of players means that I can’t play Apocalypse World the way you’re supposed to. I’m going to host it again later this month, and I may try to run that session as a a little more of an as-written Session 0 (or follow Vince’s advice on playing it con-style to the letter), but that’s getting a little close to what-comes-next talk, which I said I’d save for the end. 

All-in-all, I’m not terribly unhappy with the way my cobbled together one-shot went, but — as I talk through some of the points of friction in a moment — I’m going to try to keep in mind (and I’d like y’all to keep in mind too) that much of this is my fault, for breaking the game before we every played.

That being said...

Part 2: The Session

I had four players, who made characters ahead of time — except for Hx, which we did at the top of the session. None of them, as far as I know, had played Apocalypse World before. We got an angel, a battlebabe, a brainer, a hardholder out of it. 

There were strengths and weaknesses to prepping characters ahead — while it did save time and let us play harder and faster than we would have otherwise, I struggled at times with what felt like an almost immediate divide between player characters: the hardholder and the brainer on one side, the angel and battlebabe on the other. There wasn’t player tension or conflict — just folks interests going in different directions, which is 1. totally fine, and in fact can be fun to play with over a longer time and 2. probably my fault for giving players the full list of playbooks. Hardholder is good shit, but it’s also big and requires more prep than basically any of the others, and then grounds you in a world I wish we’d had time to explore longer. 

I prepped a holding, with the help of our hardholder Mother Superior: the Red Priory, an underground market in the tunnels beneath the ruins of a city-which-was, located on the remains of an interstate highway in the slow process of sinking into the burned and blackened mudflats left behind when the wetlands dried up. I prepped some threats: a gas supplier to the west and a gang called the Crow-Eaters who were picking off caravans to the east. And then we jumped into play, opening in media res. Mother Superior was stranded, hunted by the Crow-Eaters as he tried to make it back to the safety of the Priory, while our other players (Charmer the Brainer, Kerrbox the Angel, and Rapture the Battlebabe) set out looking for their boss. Again, a breach of how the game is supposed to run, but opening with something high-octane felt important when we only had a couple of hours to dick around in the world.

We had a brief encounter at a blockaded highway, some good chats about the safety and feasibility of offroading on a dried up swamp (don’t), and an absolutely miserable (in a good way) knock-down, drag-out shootout between Mother Superior and his pursuers, which ended when an escaping Crow-Eater rode headfirst into our other players’ search party and wound up getting dragged behind a bike some five hundred feet down the road, psychically interrogated, and imprisoned in the Red Priory. Having made it safe — but badly injured — back to the holding, we capped off the session — and our story — with an attack by the full Crow-Eater gang riding a souped up bulldozer and a fleet of bikes which Kerrbox and Rapture road out to deal with while Mother Superior drifted semi-conscious in a hospital bed, dreaming with Charmer about the Crow-Eater’s boss, Lady Magpie — who, at that moment, was dueling Rapture guitar-ax-on-chains on top of the bulldozer. Every step in the process was sick as shit. The combat felt great, the social dynamics felt great, the shifting scales of threat and tension as things amped up felt great — and even with a couple of players with pretty limited RPG experience, the game felt like it had an interesting answer (or a way to find an interesting answer) to every question we hit. As always when playing online, I did wish we were in person (flipping through a book around a table just feels better than flipping through a book on a discord call) and we ran into the usual hiccups with to do the move, do it type games: cases where players had an interesting image of what they wanted to try which the moves didn’t quite cover and cases where players knew what move they were angling for but I had to push them to frame it narratively — but both of those things are solved by familiarity, and would have been smoothed out if we’d gotten to play for longer. 

There’s a slightly paradoxical way in which a one-shot of a GM’d game tends to rely more heavily on the GM than long term play does, especially when the non-GM players haven’t spent a lot of time with the game beforehand. Even if you aren’t expected to have prepped as thoroughly as you might for a campaign, the labor of hosting and facilitating has a tendency to balloon in a first session, and there were a number of times when my players looked to me for answers when, in a longer game, I’d like to think they would have felt comfortable answering the questions themselves. Some of this is just players getting warmed up to the space and to playing with each other, but there’s another edge as well: I think some players have a tricky time feeling like they can claim authorial power in a one-shot. A one-shot is perceived as a kind of bespoke experience, something hosted by me for you — a perception which, I admit, I play into when I end a Dream Library session by thanking my players for joining me. I don’t know why I do that — I certainly don’t feel that need when I GM an ongoing campaign — but I do.

Apocalypse World is a great game for breaking this habit. Even as I over-prepped for the first session, limiting myself to developing threats (and the basic setting details worked out with the hardholder) meant there were moments when not only did my players ask me questions I didn’t have an answer to, but questions which I did not feel I was the right person to answer at all, and I passed authorship off — either back to them or to another player. Breaking up the authorial duties by making it extremely clear what the MC is and is not is a huge part of what makes the Bakers work tick — and something I’ve seen them do in other, even more asymmetrical games (like the excellent Wizards Grimoire zines which are on sale right now). 

On top of that, though, Apocalypse World gives you Agendas, and most importantly the command to “Barf forth apocalyptica” which I mentioned once already. In a one-shot, having a textual instruction to answer questions with the most grotesque, evocative, and apocalyptic answer we could find was an incredible mandate which changed the world in the process of play. The mudflats got muddier as we went, the Red Priory seedier. By the time we met her, Lady Magpie had discarded her original fit for a massive cloak strung with bits of broken metal and glass which clattered and flickered with her every movement. 

Apocalypse World enshrines the call to lean into the obvious answer into its text, reminding us that it is, in fact, fun to play in genre. It is fun to play in the trope. It is fun to make things strange and beautiful and frightening purely for the purpose of being strange and beautiful and frightening. It fucking rules.

I wish, again, that I’d gotten to play it longer, and watched the world get even weirder and more apocalyptic.

Part 3: What Comes Next

I’ve got another session of Apocalypse World that I’ll be recruiting for in the Dream Library basically as soon as this post goes up — then next month we’re moving on to Night Witches and Sagas of the Icelanders to talk a little about historical fiction and genre. The schedule beyond that has been laid out, but only tentatively (at one stage, I had games planned to run until next April, which is absurd, but I’m trying to keep things flexible and let the unit lead us where it does). If you’d like to get in on the action, shoot me a message! I’m not posting the link to the Dream Library anywhere publicly at the moment, but genuinely — if you want in, you should come on in. If you don’t want to play, you don’t have to play — we’ve got a little text-based book club talking through the games simultaneously to our unit, for folks who can’t make it but still want to talk games.

On the other hand, if you want to run a game you should for sure let me know. I’ve already got a few guest hosts lined up, and I can’t wait to see what they do. Is there a game you think is secretly the key to understanding PBTA? Something you’ve been itching to try, but never found a group for? A game you hate, but feel obligated to talk about anyway?

Come and join. We’d love to have you.

We’ve got fourteen years of design to talk shit about, after all.

[greetings-inferiors]

Shut up idea for maths based spellcasting - specifically probability - that is based upon my idea for a ‘mathologer’ in dnd

So there are only 6 levels of spells available. This is important as at max level your “spell slots” will add to 20 (the regular number of spell slots up to level 7, just take the 2 from 7 and add it to 3 and 2)

So you start off with a ‘die’ (for now a d4) and with 2 level 1 “spell slots”. Before casting a spell, you roll the die to see if your spell casts. If it is 1 or 2, you can cast a level 1 spell, if it is 3 or 4, you ‘overcast’ and can’t cast magic for a turn (out of battle roll until you can cast, that is your prepared spell).

When you level up, you get a level 1 and level 2 spell slot! Yayyy! So you can cast level 2 spells (at a 25% chance)

However. When you next level up, you get another level 1 spell slot. I’ll explain exactly how spell slots are distributed (this applies for all dice). Starting from the lowest number, it goes all of your first level spell slots, then all of your second level spell slots, then all your third, etc. so with a d4 at level 3, even though you know level 2 spells, you can’t cast them, because you’d only ever roll level 1. If you want to be able to cast level 2 spells, you’d have to upgrade to a d6, and risk overcasting. (I wrote that before figuring out the spell slot distribution, so technically you can cast level 2 at level 3, but it’d be a 25% with d4 compared to 33% with d6). Think of cast die as just a weapon like a staff or wand.

This continues all the way up to level 20, but you don’t gain spell slots when you gain a feat.

You have your prepared spell (you can’t overcast out of battle) and when you cast it, you expend that slot and can reroll. At level 5, 10, and 15 (see what I did there) you don’t expend level 1, 2, and 3 spell slots respectively, so they essentially become cantrips. At level 10, 15, and 20, you can use level 1, 2, and 3 spells as actual cantrips respectively, but you don’t reroll the cast die. This means if you want to save your big level 6 spell, you’re not completely locked out of spellcasting.

To properly define overcasting:

Overcast: you cannot cast spells (if you’re multiclassing, you cannot cast other class’ spells either). You can cast cantrips. Roll your cast die at the start of your turn, and lost overcast.

Level 1 spells are pretty basic, like “roll your cast die. Deal that amount of damage.”, or the level 3 “roll your cast die. That number of creatures in an 18m radius take 1d8 damage (plus 1d8 every 5 levels)”. Just spells with high variance. Higher level spells tap into the true potential of probability manipulation, like a level 4 “you and every creature in a 9m radius rolls your cast die (or equivalent). The creature(s) closest to your roll take damage equal to your roll. If it’s equal to what they rolled, this crits. If you rolled a 20, double the damage.” And a level 6 “choose a creature. Every d20 roll they make is a 20. Every d20 roll you make is a 1.”

Anyway here’s the grid:

Level # | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | recommended cast die

Level 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d4

Level 2 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d4

Level 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d6

Level 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d6 (feat, no spell slots)

Level 5 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d6 (level 1 are cantrips)

Level 6 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d8

Level 7 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d12

Level 8 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d12 (feat, no spell slots)

Level 9 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | d12

Level 10| 4 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | d12 (level 2 are cantrips)

Level 11| 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | d20

Level 12| 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | d20 (feat, no spell slots)

Level 13| 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 0 | d20

Level 14| 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 | d20

Level 15| 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 0 | d20 (level 3 are cantrips)

Level 16| 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 0 | d20 (feat, no spell slots)

Level 17| 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 0 | d20

Level 18| 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 0 | d20

Level 19| 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 0 | d20 (feat, no spell slots)

Level 20| 4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | d20

I should go to sleep. Please ask questions, I don’t want to sleep.

[thehomelybrewster]

How to Speed Up Combat with Near-Static Damage Using A Dice Chain

You may remember me making a post last year where I gave three tips to speed up D&D 5e combat. One of the suggestions was to use the damage die used in the die expression of an attack, spell or other effect and then adding or subtracting the result to the average damage based on whether the result is even or odd.

The basic idea is that rolling for damage, especially if it involves more than two dice, takes time. Especially for big and powerful effects such as a dragon's breath weapon, which in 5e at least may involve more than a dozen dice thrown.

So what if you could have a uniform, not very math-y way, to make the average damage, which is too predictable for most players, more engaging?

Well, inspired by a recent suggestion in the Sly Flourish newsletter, I refined this concept a bit further! In that newsletter, Mike Shea suggests using -3 + 1d6 to modify static damage, so let's build on that and make it a bit more swingy!

The answer is to use a dice chain!

The term dice chain is mostly used in the context of the gonzo OSR game Dungeon Crawl Classics to refer to its thirteen dice it uses. But even 5e has a dice chain, the standard six polyhedral dice.

So I'm proposing to use a progression of polyhedral dice, starting with the d8, for every damage roll that involves more than one die. So, for example, a minotaur's greataxe deals 2d12+4 slashing damage, or 17 on average. Extrapolating from Mike Sea's formula, we'd take the 17 average damage, then subtract 4, and then roll 1d8 to determine the damage dealt by the minotaur.

Now with just two dice, the time saved is not that much, but it really becomes more noticeable with larger rolls. I suggest using a d8 to modify damage that involves two or three dice in its expression, a d10 for those that involve four to six dice (e.g. a bulette's bite), a d12 for those that involve seven to nine dice (e.g. a chimera's fire breath), or a d20 for those that involve ten or more dice (such as an ancient blue dragon's lightning breath). Each time the average damage is first reduced by the (rounded down) average result of what I call the Variance die,

This way potent effects still have a noticeable damage range but they involve far fewer dice rolls and making it far less predictable for your players how many hits they can still take in an encounter.

Now for critical hits, I suggest doubling the average damage, and then applying the next highest Variance die based on the original damage expression (if possible).

If an attack or effect deals multiple types of damage in a single instance, such as a planetar's greatsword, which deals both slashing and radiant damage, then you use the -4 + 1d8 Variance for the damage type with the lower average damage (in case of the planetar, the slashing damage) no matter how many dice are involved (as long as they are at least two), but then use the appropriate Variance die for the higher average damage.

If an attack or similar has delayed instances of damage, such as a giant poisonous snake's bite causing a saving throw to avoid taking extra poison damage, then you use Variance dice for both instances of damage, as in the original piercing damage from the bite and the poison damage suffered as a result of the saving throw.

Now if you happen to have all the dice in the DCC dice chain, feel free to use them to have a more modular, or to make critical hits of the most massive attacks even more deadly. And in fact I made a handy graphic that summarizes this post and includes a table for both my default Variance die chain and the DCC Variance die chain!

Here it is!

I hope y'all find this useful, no matter which TTRPG you're playing (as long as it involves multiple dice in damage calculations, it should be fine xD)!

[skakeeper]

Roll for Giggles Part 4

This is a slightly NSFW story that includes: Tickling, light bondage, and body worship. But no direct sexual acts. To read part 1 go here for part 5 go HERE. And as always if you like what you see, feel free to say so, like it, share it, leave a comment. Thanks for reading

They set the timer for the break at 3 minutes and hit go. Thy gave you about 30 seconds

free just to make sure you had your water and were drinking it. Just the thought of how much they care about you brings a smile to your face. You really lucked out with them as a ler, after hearing the horror stories on the web, you half thought they would be a serial killer when you first met. You already had the name in your head about what the news would call them "the Mirthful Murder" the person who tickles their victims to death. But they were nothing like the villan you pictured in your minds eye. They were soft, sweet, caring, and understanding. While there were times you felt like you were going to die do to their machinations, they always brought you back from the brink and made sure everything was perfectly ok.

You even tested them once during your early sessions when they were knuckle deep in your sensitive arm pits and said "red". And before you knew it, you were free, with a water in hand and them apologizing for not reading your body language. When you explained that it was a test to see how they would react they were both relieved and understanding as to why you posed the test. That reaction by them immediately and permanently banished all doubt from your mind about them. They were the real deal.

That's when you felt a poke on your shoulder "Hey, did I break you already?" Comes the voice of the person who was flooding your thoughts just a moment ago "huh... what? Oh... no, sorry. Just got lost in my thoughts" You admit with a sheepish grin. A wide toothy smile as your ler playfully shoves your shoulder "You be careful getting lost in there, I haven't had a chance to clear it out of all thoughts. It's dangerous in there." You can't help but laugh at that, they are such a goober at times and they always illicit smiles from you no matter what they do. You really appreciate that about them.

"So far, how are you liking the game?" They ask you, and you know they want honest feed back. "It's great. It's innovative, creative, and while there is a semblance of choice, it all boils down to what the dice say" you reply in an thoughtful tone. "So far, just after one roll of the dice, I am well and truly flustered by it. I can almost still feel those stupid bristles in my belly button, and you know how much I hate that" you tease with your voice dripping with sarcasm. You both giggle at that, maybe they aren't the only goober here, but meh, what the heck. When in Rome.

You don't notice the timer as the conversation rolls on like a hummingbird on crack, neither of you keep to a single topic for too long and then you hear the beeping of the alarm. "Well that's break" they say. You look confused for a second, where did the time go? They see your confusion "time flies when you're having fun, but now to get back to it" they remark as they hand you the dice. *Well, here we go again* you think to yourself as you get the D20 and roll it. When it comes to a stop your heart skips a beat and your ler's eyes light up. Staring up at you, as if it was mocking you from the felt lined bowl is the number you at the same time longed and dreaded to see, a 20. "OH ho ho, a nat 20" your ler exclaims in glee "man first a 17, now a 20? The dice either hate you or love me." You respond in a mocking tone "meh meh meh me meh me meh" and you stick your tongue out. "Now what shall I use for the next 20 minutes?" They ask as you roll the d12, with both of of you knowing no matter what comes up, you know you're going to be howling before the timer expires. So you give it a toss and it lands on a 12. “Awe come on!” You exclaim and with a sigh as you give the dice two more rolls, they come up with a 1 & 7 They playfully flex their fingers in your face "I always appreciate a good finger workout, and my mouth gets to play with your feet? Thanks for rolling those for me." You're response is just a mock grimace. "Now how hard should this little guys go about their giggly work?" You roll the d10 and a thought that this is rigged against you flashes through you mind as it lands on an 8. "Uh ohhhh someone is in trouble. But how deep trouble?" They ask as you roll the d8 and you roll a 3. A slight relief, better a normal chair than the dreaded *loved* tickle chair. "And what part of you am I going to be working on for the next 20 minutes?" This is the moment of truth, they put all your worst parts on the board, but there are some worse than others. You pick up the d6 and your heart drops like a feather in a vacuum. A 1, your feet, one of the if not the most ticklish parts of your body. "Woooooow" they remark "I was just joking about the dice hating you, but they really *really* do. So you are going to be chair tied, and my fingers and mouth are going to work your poor, sensitive feet for the next 20 minutes? At least you'll have a smile on your face." You can do nothing but stick out your tongue and that causes them to chuckle.

"Come on, the sooner we start, the sooner it's over for you" they say as they stand up and hold out their hand for you to take. You nod at that logic and take their hand and they bring you to a wooden arm chair that you have used in upper body tickles, but never with your feet being tickled. It has a padded back, and padded arms. You can see the scratch marks left on the ends by your nails. Its a sturdy chair, a comfortable one too. This has you interested though you would never openly admit it, not yet. "Please sit with your arms on the arms rest" and you obey laying your arms on the rests. They take cling film and encase your forearms, sealing them like glue to the arm rests. They then take the film and wrap your still exposed pink midsection to the back. "OK, you ready to lay down?" They ask. "Wait what?" Your mind starts running to what they mean "w-why lay down?" You stammer out. They look at you and matter-a-factly say "to get at your feet silly. How can I get to them like this?" The question makes you see the logic if it all. "Uh... ok, but... won't it hurt?" You ask more of curiosity than actual fear. "It shouldn't, but you know if it does, all you have to do is say so and I'll stop." That was so reassuring, and with your curiosity sated for the time, you nod to be laid down. They move behind you and gently, almost reverently, they tip your chair back and guide you to the ground. Your head kisses the ground, your roll it around as if you are already laughing and notice a problem "Can I have a pillow please?" With out a word they go to the spare bedroom and get you your pillow that you left here for when you spend the night after getting wrecked. They place it under your head and you give it the same treatment as you did before. If this pillow could talk, the stories it would tell would fluster you to death. "OK friend, legs on the legs of the chair please." They ask and you obey. They fix your legs so they are straight on the legs of the chair and wrap them with the film. Well wrap would be putting it lightly. They dang near encase your legs from your calf to your knees in that clear, selfsticking substance. "Ok, try to get out" they ask and you give it the ol' college try. But try as you might, there was no give to be had, no slack to be found. To put it another way, you were going no where, and you love it!

So there you are, your are on a well padded chair, arms legs and body sealed to with with near clear wrap, your head on a pillow with your eyes staring up to the ceiling. Your feet, which are for the moment still encased in the protective layer of your shoes and semi-protective layer of your socks, are just handing from the end of the chair. Before your ler begins, they triple check that everything feels safe and comfortable. When you confirm that you do indeed feel safe, they show you the timer set for 20 minutes and hit start.

They put their phone down and you lose sight of them. But you feel them picking at the knots on your shoes, you don't tie them tight when you come to a session because you know that will only delay the inevitable. With in a few second they reverently take off your shoes. You know they love your socks, and so you chose their favorite pair. As your socked feet are free from what your ler calls “Shoe prison” you tease them by wiggling your toes and remark with a grin “It feels good to be out of those shoes.” As is tradition, and one you have come to look forward to because of how it makes you feel and how they look forward to it, your ler gives a soft kiss to each of your socked toes. This causes you to giggle, you have never had someone so interested in your socked feet before them and it feels good. “Now that the formalities are out of the way, lets get to it” They say as you catch a glance at the clock, 18:57 Ha you think to yourself they already wasted a minute on this, maybe if I am oh so cute with my socks, they'll forget everything about tickling me. You smile at the thought and wiggle your feet, but you know that your ler is only going to take that as an invite to really get into it. Its a tactic you have tried before and they ALMOST fell for it, but one giggle from your lips snapped back to reality and you paid for it with tears and laughter. They start slowly, just tracing the outline of your socked feet with their fingers, just teasing the covered nerves on your feet. That sends warning signals to your brain, but you try to fight through it. Just focus on your breathing, make them work for it you think to your self. Your wrapped chest starts to heave a little harder as they slowly walk their fingers up from your heels and every so often they “slip” and they slide along the soles. They haven't really started yet and already you have a massive grin plastered on your face. You look over and see only twenty seconds have slipped off the clock oh boy you think, and thats the last thought you have as without warning all ten of their fingers dig into your soft, sensitive. socked soles and your mind goes white. “AHAHAHA” You burst out laughing. You thrash against the plastic that is binding you to this chair of doom, but its no use, there is no give. Your head rolls around on the pillow as the your unfettered laughter fills the room, and echos back mockingly to your ears. “Ah, I am so happy you rolled like this, I was hoping to have some quality alone time with your feet.” Your ler teases as they use one hand to hold the left foot, but sadistically scrub the right one, your brain not knowing what to make of it all and all you can do is lay there with laughter pouring out of you. “You know, you always wear such the best socks, I need to taste them a bit” they say. “W-W-WAIHAHAHAHAIT NO-NOHOHOHOT YEHEHET” You exclaim and you know when their mouth gets added to the party, thats its for you. “Hey, you rolled them, not me” they say as the feeling you knew was coming finally arrived. The feeling of their teeth just nibbling the sock clad balls of your feet, and the only thing you can do at that point is screw your eyes shut and laugh your head off.

What feels like an eternity later, you get the slightest of reprieves as they pause for a second to let you catch your breath as they take your socks off. In this moment you catch a glance at the clock 13:23. How has only 5 minute passed. Guh, I hate tickle time you think to yourself as tears of laughter and joy trickle down the sides of your head. After a few seconds, your socks are off and your soft feet are exposed to the world.

“Well that was a fun warm up” they remark and all you can do is try to catch your breath as soft giggles pass your lips from the still tingling soles. “Hold on a second, I have an idea” they say as they walk around to you and take their phone and pause the clock. “I know you absolutely love to have the space between your toes tickled, but they are just so dang squrimy sooooo, im gonna tie them back.” With that, they get two zip ties and loosely zip them around your ankles, not that you needed more securing in that department. Then comes the string, and one by one your toes are tied back and separated from each other to the zip ties. As your ler asks you, you give them a wiggle and shake, they aren't budging and there is no pain or discomfort. You do feel how tight the skin is on the soles of your feet, but that was to be expected, as you brought it up before and they explained to you the fact that your skin is just stretched a bit. After, again, checking to make sure you are safe they start the clock. This is going to be a long 13 minutes you think to yourself. That is when you feel the warm wet feeling of their tongue sliding between your toes. You yelp and jump at the unexpected feeling of saliva so soon, and you start to giggle and moan. This tickles, but is also feels wierdly good. Its hard to explain the sensation that is going on in your brain. While your mind is focused on the feeling of their tongue between your toes, they start have their fingers do a devilish dance on your tight soles. If you weren't tied up so well, your reflexes would have sent your foot straight up to their jaw. You let out a cackle of laughter as their fingers find all of your spots. Its like they have a map, which of course you know they do. Their dexterous digits dig into your soles as their tongue plays ever so lightly with your toes and you have no thought, no recourse, all you can do is laugh. You try to fight, you try to close the gaps between your toes, but its pointless. Your feet and toes are stuck fast against the onslaught of tantalizing tickles. Just as you are kind of getting used to this, they change tact. All ten of their fingers attack your left foot, one hand focusing on your sole, the other bobbing in and out of your toe gaps. Their mouth on the other hand is gently munching up a storm on your right foot. Their teeth gently scraping from the balls of your feet, through your soles and to your heels and back up again. You don't know what is worse for you, for this is a new tactic they have unleashed, and that sends you from your normal laughter, straight to full on uncontrollable howling hysterics. You pull with all your might inadvertently trying to break free, you pull so hard on the arms, you feel like they may break. But there is no give to be had in the construction of this chair. What was once a trickle has now become a torrent of tears streaming from your eyes, soaking the pillow case under your head. “Boy your feet sure are ticklish, I can't believe that I haven't tried this yet. Ten out of ten I have to say” says the person who is putting you through this torment with childish glee seeping from their voice.

Just when you think it can't possibly get any worse, it does. Their fingers go from attacking one foot to attacking your toe gaps, each finger nail scraping like there is gold buried in-between your toes, and their mouth jumps back and forth between your feet. You never know where they are going to strike next, it is a hopeless situation that leaves you making a cacophony of cackles that your ler says are “Music to my ears”. Thats when the music to your ears sound. The alarm. Its been 20 minutes of pure ticklish torture. As the alarm sounds, your ler stops what they were doing and starts to gently free you. Taking the strings off your toes, and cutting the zip ties. As they go about their work to give you your freedom, you try to catch your breath. Your mind is racing at a thousand miles an hour, still waiting for the next ticking sensation to come from them, you strain to catch your breath as you are brought upright and they go about freeing the rest of your body “Well then, that was fun wasn't it?” You don't even have the energy to respond, faint giggles still passing your lips, your ears still ringing with the sound of your own laughter and their barbed teases, so you just nod. “After a time like that, I am giving you a 10 minute break, don't want to wear you out too fast now do we?” They ask as the final binding is cut loose and you look at them with your brain slowly coming back to you and a glint of determination and playful defiance in your eyes “As if you could.” With a chortle they help you up, your feet are still so sensitive after being worked on so much, and they guide you back to the couch. Water in hand you drink and wonder what next devilish delights do the dice hold for you.

[18catsreading]

Katja: he kind of looks like a horse to me. And you know what has --

Brennan: this six-legged tentacles cat wearing armor looks like a horse?

Rekha: yes, Brennan, and his tentacles look like horse brushes!

All: laughing, Someone I couldn't catch: Listen!

Rekha: So Brennan, if you wouldn't be so fucking rude, can I hope on one of these thing's backs and then try to attack it by using it's own tentacles like a brush and kill it?

All: laughing

Brennan: I --

Rekha: you know I'm gonna ask one stupid fucking question pe campaign!

Sephie: do it! Do it!

Brennan: give me an athletics check, give me an athletics check, give me an athletics check

Aabria: let's go! You have advantage!

Izzy: oh, is there any way I could cast Guidance?

Brennan: I'm gonna let you cast Guidance. You can add a d4 to this, DC 20

Aabria: uh, you have advantage cuz of the thing right?

Rekha: 16, plus --

Erika: oh wait, is this a strength check?

Rekha: wait, 16 plus athletics you said?

Brennan: yeah

Rekha: 25

Izzy: it's done

Brennan: oh my God

Becca (I think): add the d4 anyway

Brennan: okay, so Cinnamon runs up

Rekha: oh, add the d4?

Becca: add his advantage

Izzy (I think): wait is cinnamon jumping on top of this thing? Is she on cinnamon on --?

Aabria: roll the d20 again

Rekha: yeah. Okay, I'm rolling again.

Brennan: okay

Rekha: fuck, don't count that it doesn't matter.

Becca: it went under the seat

*all laughing*

Rekha: this one didn't matter either, so pick the other thing I did, 25

Brennan: I've lost - I've fully lost, I've lost it.

Overlapping chatter: it's gone off the rails, you've lost control. Control, completely

Brennan: yeah 100%< 100%

Becca: you still have me in the air!

Brennan: I still have Penny! So, uh, 25, cool, so Cinnamon is going to gallop up behind these ether beasts and I'm gonna say that cinnamon also readies an action to move again when the way is clear.

Rekha: cool. To jump on the king?

Brennan: go ahead, you made your acrobatics check. So you jump on one of the ether beasts in front of you

Becca: it became Rekha's fanfic

Brennan: so you jump on one of the ether beasts in front of you. do you want to jump on the middle one or the one to either side?

Rekha: if I'm trying to get to the king I want to jump on the middle one to get to the king.

Brennan: you're gonna will Smith from "wild wild West" like jump from ether beasts to ether beast, saddle to saddle like?

Rekha: I will do what you will let me do in this game.

Brennan: you leap, and you make it onto that ether beast

Sephie: oh my God.

Izzy: Which one?

Rekha: the middle one?

Brennan: the middle one. Are you going to do the brush attack?

Izzy: brush attack, canon

Rekha: yes

Brennan: amazing. Go ahead and roll your first attack roll

Aabria: this is the best day of my life

Rekha: okay, that's just a 15. Am I adding, like what do I add to it? The same as my?

Brennan: I'll tell you what you're not gonna add to it, your goddamn proficiency bonus.

Rekha: why?

Aabria: she's been brushing! She's been brushing shit the whole time!

Rekha: I'm proficient at brushing!

Sephie: she should get it, she should get it

*overlapping chatter*

Brennan: no!

Rekha: I would argue the only thing I've done this whole campaign is brushing!

*all laughing*

Brennan: oh my God. You are gonna add your strength modifier alone. These things have an armor class of 13. You hit on an 8 or higher.

Rekha: okay, wait, my strength modifier is this big guy? *Gesturing at her character sheet*

Brennan: yes yes yes.

Rekha: so that was an 11

Brennan: 11, so you rolled a 6 and added 5?

Rekha: yes

Brennan: well you miss on the first one, you may roll again.

Rekha: 17

Brennan: 17 hits, incredible

Rekha: so what do I roll for damage for a brush attack?

Brennan: it's own things do 2d6 damage so you're gonna roll 2d6 adding your strength modifier which is plus 5

Izzy: and so these things sort of have teeth in them?

Rekha: yes, if you look, I've been observing this for this entire round

Izzy: so you're sort of taking it and then puncturing itself

Rekha: *makes brushing motions*

Brennan: you're stabbing it in the head with its own spiky tentacle, yes

Izzy: oh, and you're gonna pull down

Rekha: I'm pulling down like I'm brushing

Aabria: you have to go with the coat

Rekha: yea, with the coat

Becca: it's the only thing you know how to do

Aabria: that's how you keep it shiny

Brennan: incredible

Rekha: seven

Brennan: plus five

Rekha: oh, 12

Brennan: so you deal 12. Are you doing any maneuvers to it, or no?

Rekha: I mean, I gotta right?

Aabria: yea, if you want

Rekha: okay. Do any of these maneuvers make sense if I'm on the thing? Uh, because

Becca: you're at 41, it wouldn't be the worst thing to heal

Brennan: of your maneuvers, you have riposte. You have push attack, push attack makes sense. You would not, you have movement left so if you wanted to hit it with its own tentacle and try to knock it off of the bridge with its own tentacle you could do that.

Rekha: yea

Becca: hit it's friend off

Rekha: would it -- can I dominoes?

All: laughing, Brennan's face goes 😑

Becca: may I --

Brennan: it's so, here's --

Becca: use the reaction to

Rekha: may I dominoes?

Brennan: may you dominoes. With all of my love.

Rekha: no

Brennan: I didn't, you know, and sometimes there's like a fun way to put it, but sometimes it's just, hey, no.

*all laughing*

Brennan: hey Rekha, straight up no

Rekha: okay

Izzy: you are right

Erika: it's good to have boundaries

Izzy: yeah! You're riding an ether beast

Rekha: last stupid question before I do your pushing attack. I can't also stick these two brushes *screen shows tentacles* in the ass of the king in front of me? *Screen pans to the ether beast king's ass* May I?

Erika: spits out her sip of water

Sephie: please. things come out!

Rekha: I'm just asking!

Erika: oh no

Sephie: bite him. Get him, get him

Erika: I need --

Brennan: did you just snarf, oh no!

Erika: I just spit

Brennan: oh my God

??: get her a tissue!

Erika: I'm sorry. It's fine

Brennan: oh no, hey Rekha, you want to drop a piano on his head?

Rekha: no, my thing --

Brennan: you want to paint a cave on the wall real quick and he runs into the cave?

Rekha: my thing -- my thing is available! You've got two brushes. I want to stick it in the king's ass!

Sephie: all in favor of sticking it in the king's ass, raise your hand

All: raise their hands

Brennan: this is not a democracy!

Rekha: okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, Brennan, okay, "Brennan"

Izzy: "Brennan"

Brennan: if that is my real name

Izzy: if you only knew what's in the --

Rekha: okay, so I'll do a "pushing attack"

Brennan: go ahead and roll your d8

Rekha: oh, yes, this one ... So that's a 3

Brennan: an extra 3 damage to the ether beast, now it's going to roll a strength saving throw against your DC, your DC is 17. It succeeds on its saving throw and is not pushed over the edge but does take that damage. You are still riding it.

Rekha: okay, um, so I can do a bonus action?

Brennan: you can do a bonus action

Rekha: I'm gonna second wind

Brennan: hell yea

Rekha: so 1d10 plus 9

Brennan: 1d10 plus 9 coming your way

Rekha: 15

Brennan: Katja heals 15 hit points from second wind. You are riding, Cinnamon's right behind you. That is Katja's turn

Katja: I love you! [To cinnamon]

Izzy: yea Cinnamon's jealous

Rekha: are you jealous?

Brennan: and at the end of your turn--

Rekha: no response

Aabria: oh no!

Izzy: she's pissed. Read, you're on read

Rekha: oh wow, oh wow. She's in the doghouse tonight. The fucking doghouse tonight.

Izzy: she doesn't like to see you riding someone else

Sephie: you rode someone else right in front of her

Rekha: I'm in the stables tonight, baby, oh boy

Aabria: she says that so much. There's no universe in which --

Rekha: anytime cinnamon gets mad

Brennan: at the end of your turn, Katja, Kurraghran is going to teleport behind Ostentatia and make a tentacle attack

Rekha: is he scared that I'm going to stick tentacles in his ass? 🥹

*all laughing*

Brennan: honestly yeah! You know, what do you want me to say? Yea, he's terrified. He has no idea what is going on.

Katja: he doesn't want one of his kids tentacles in his ass?

Izzy: he's gonna get an ass-full of rings in a second

Aabria: is he their dad?

Brennan: incredible

[thepringlesofblood]

Find Out Your Ceresian Senator Name!

(made with love, the d20 gang put a lot of work into diversifying character names, & as I was doing my etymology post I noticed similarities but no clear formula so I thought I’d write one for funsies)

First Name: The first letter of the street you grew up on (if you didn’t grow up on a street feel free to use a town/city name, or a landmark!).

I included alternates for gender reasons - a/o means the name can end with either a or o depending on your preference, e.g. Emilio vs Emilia. You can probably also throw an -e at the end of some of them if (like me) you wanna be a bit nonbinary about it.

A - Aurelius (Adria, Andrea) B - Bianca (Bacchus, Basilla) C - Cara (Cassius, Camila/o) D - Dominic (Donatella/o, Daniela) E - Emanuel (Emanuela, Emilia/o,  Eduardo) F - Francisco (Fabrizia/o, Fiero) G - Giuseppe (Graciela, Gio) H - Hercules (Hero, Hermes) I - Ignazia/o (Imelda, Isabella) J - Jupiter (Jiovanni, Juno) K - Katarina (Kronos, Celeste) L - Lorenzo (Luca, Loretta) M - Marco (Messina, Manuela) N - Nunzio (Natalia, Nico) O - Oliverio (Ouranos, Roberta/o) P - Patrizia/o (Paula/o, Pallas) Q - Quirinus (Pietro, Ricarda/o) R - Rizzo (Rafaela/Rafael, Renata) S - Silvio (Sabina/e, Serafina/o) T - Titian (Tullia/o, Terra) U - Ulysses (Urania/Uranus, Rosetta) V - Valentina/o (Venus, Vesta, Vesuvio) W - Luigi (Mario, Rosalina) X - Xanto (Romeo, Diana, Apollo) Y - Ylenia (Saturn/Saturnus, Minerva) Z - Zappa (Mars, Melete, Diana)

Last name: The last letter of your favorite food

A - Bucatini B - Capellini C - Bavette D - Matriciani E - Pappardelle F - Scialatelli G - Spaghettini H - Tagliatelle I - Trenetti J - Vermicelli K - Anelli L - Cascatelli M - Castellane N - Cavatappi O - Farfalle P - Garganelli   Q - Passatelli R - Paccheri S - Rigatoni T - Strozzapretti U - Testaroli V - Cannelloni   W - Agnolini X - Cappaletti Y - Fagottini Z - Sacchettoni

Voila! Now just put “Senator” (or another Roman govt position if you want) in front of it. I’m Senator Andrea Trenetti!

I also did some optional funsies for those of us with dice we never get to use:

Roll 1d20 


If it lands on a 1, you are straight up a loaf of bread. use the Bread Table under the cut


If it lands on a 2-10, you are a pasta dish. Use the last name chart for your first name, and use the Pasta Dish Table under the cut for your last

If you roll a nat 20, you are may choose b/w

a popular snack food. Use the Snack Table under the cut
. 

you can also use the first name chart and use the snack table for your last name if you want

a Ceresian folk deity. not a senator anymore, but arguably funnier. Use the Deity Table under the cut

otherwise, use tables above as normal.


In The Ravening War, all of the senators also got “tribune” titles like “Tribune of Triscutia” - if you want one of those, you can either:

Use the last name table but use first letter of your favorite food

Use either the Bread, Pasta Dish, or Snack table under the cut

Bread Table

Roll 1d12 or use your birth month

1. Panettone (you have a little Candian on your mother’s side of the family) 2. Muffuletta 3. Pane rustico 4. Panino 5. Pita 6. Tortano 7. Baguette 8. Ciambella 9. Fugassa 10. Friselle 11. Crescentina 12. Boule

Pasta Dish Table

Roll 1d20 or how many mozzarella sticks do you think you could eat in one sitting? (if you can’t eat mozzarella sticks imagine carrot sticks instead)

1. Arrabiatta 2. Amatriciana 3. Bolognese 4. Capresi   5. Bottarga 6. Indiavolati 7. Siracusani 8. Scarpariello 9. Boscaiola 10. Fagioli 11. Lucchesi 12. di Mare 13. Napoletana 14. Puttanesca 15. Ragu   16. Sorrentina 17. Tartufo 18. Valtellina 19. Zucca 20. Cacio-pepe

Snack Table

Roll 1d6, or rate the last movie you saw from 0-5 stars (or 1-6 if you don’t want to do math)

Tostito(s)

if you like you can also use Fritos or Dorito(s)

Chex (you can add a last name that describes the kind of Chex if you want)

Pepperidge (like Pepperidge farms)

Ritz

Kellogg (you can add a last name that describes the kind of Kellogg’s food item if you want)

General Mills

you can forgo the “Senator” title if you so chose and just be��“General Mills”

the ancient Roman govt Ceresia is based on had a lot of interplay between the military and the government so like. Generals still have govt. sway.

you could also just be “Senator Mills”

Deity Table

Roll 1d6 or tbh just pick which one you like they’re all fun

you are now known as Ben the Original, but you have never forgotten your past life as Uncle Ben.

you are Little Miss Sunbeam, a maiden goddess of light and happiness

you are the Triple God, the Holy Trinity, and your aspects are Snap, Crackle, and Pop

you are a Keebler elf, one of a large family of forest spirits hidden deep in the mountains on the border of Candia and Ceresia

you are Umaemon, an otherworldly cat-like being with unknowable powers and dual aspects of both cat and human.

you are the Pillsbury Doughboy. 

[katebeckets]

let's go: 2 / 4 / 8 / 12 / 13 / 22 / 34 / 66 / 72 / 76 / 100!

omg iconic hahaha thank you <3 I’ll be nice and do a read more 😂

send me a number!

————————————————————— 🌷

2. How often do you dream and how often do you remember your dreams?

Funny enough, I have been feeling super angsty over my dream last night, which was me getting to really talk to idina menzel. But I don’t dream all that often. I’d say I often remember them, though, because it tends to be very emotional and can cause me to feel things during the day.

4. Speaker, earbuds, or headphones?

Generally I like when I can use my speakers, but for first listens of an album or song I use earbuds.

8. Roll a d20 or pick a random number between 1-20 and tell me a memory from that age (roll until you get an age you can remember something from)

I used a random number generator and got 17… I remember seeing Idina Menzel in If/Then the day before Thanksgiving, then having a hard time and impulsively cutting my hair off the day after Thanksgiving (my hair had been long for pretty much all of high school). I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted it to be some sort of… statement? when we got back to school lol

12. What song punches you right in the gut?

The first song I thought of was “For Good.” That’s a song I rarely listen to despite how much I love it.

13. What song takes you to a happy place?

“How You Get the Girl” hehe

22. What “bad” smell do you actually like?

Vinegar/pickle juice? Does that count?

34. Mountains, forest, or ocean?

Ocean!

66. What’s sensory heaven vs. sensory hell to you?

Sensory hell is too many noises at once, especially when I would sub in the preschool room. I could handle babies all crying at once, but the preschoolers were able to say my name, so hearing “Miss Emily, Miss Emily” simultaneously from a bunch of kids while trying to work was so much for me. Sensory heaven is probably a comfortable temperature, early morning light, and music. I don’t consider myself a huge sensory person, so I’m not actually sure lol

72. Share a poem you enjoy.

76. What do you feel guilty for?

Not seeing my grandmother this year before she died.

100. What’s on your anti-bucket list (things you NEVER want to do in your life)?

I never want to go to a college/frat party (which I never did in college, so I think I might be safe).

[dezlet]

I've decided I'm going to try and participate in NaNoWriMo for the first time in a couple years, and to make it a little easier on myself I've decided to write a new Buddie Oneshot every day. I want to come up with a bunch of prompts and I'll roll a d20 to decide which one I want to write! It's just uh I'm having trouble deciding on prompts, so I thought I'd turn to the fandom for suggestions! See below the ReadMore for the ten prompts I've come up with. Feel free to message me for prompts or reblog and add it in the body or the tags.

1 "I'm afraid I'm homophobic because my best friend's dating a guy and I hate him" 2 Musical Episode 3 Buck Gets Mindreading Superpowers (And Eddie panics and tries to think about pink elephants all the time) 4 Buck Is A Lumberjack TikTok Star(ish) (And eddie kind of uses it as porn) 5 Frat Boy Eddie Meets Buck While He's Bartending With That Horrible Hair 6 Vampire AU (Eddie's a vampire Buck's human) 7 Werewolf AU (whichever) 8 Sentinel/Guide 9 Buck Gets Lightning Powers And Becomes A Superhero On The Side (Eddie figures it out immediately and is exasperated but also that outfit is kind of hot) 10 Pirates 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

random notes on naddpod c1 ep 1-45

shared here in lieu of chewing my very indifferent friends' ears off irl. For whom it may concern. also why do i keep thinking i could keep these to a single post. this campaign has a hundred episodes.

spoiler warning! you will get no context but still

Scoutmaster Denny *murdered* me. The voice, the whole deal. I started this podcast on a trainride and fully lost it over Denny in public

“Let’s cast waterwalking on the boat!” “…Emily, that’s just a boat.”

Hardwon on the dumb mating call idea: "can't we just break a bunch of sticks or something? why do we have to make it horny?" and Murph losing the fucking plot in the background

DM lightly threatens player’s pet, endangers his marriage, more at 10

JONAH

“The animals are going batshit. Even the bats.”

legit every time they describe someone and then land on "they're just hot" almost nothing they describe works for me, it's kind of hilarious

also a truly staggering percentage of the NPCs are naked

Moonshine is saved by an almost literal Deus Ex Machina as Pawpaw descends from the Heavens carried by a very helpful centaur

-

The reaction to the last remaining dude attacking Beverly in the Ezry lab cracked me up. “We’re trying to watch a cutscene! Read the room!”

-

whenever Emily shows the slightest hint of disappointment or frustration the world will immediately alter just a little to make her feel better (like retroactively making the stairs unsafe because Emily saved a whole spell slot to climb the wall of the tower). This is the cutest shit and also it took them TWELVE episodes to call Murph out on it

(I'm much further into the podcast now and i can't believe none of them have tried to weaponise this blatant weakness even once)

-

A BROOMBA is sweeping the floor

nothing is better than Murph doing Pawpaw but his fucked-up sounding seagull is a close second. Truly capturing the personality of those damn bastards, the man is the king of the garbage critters

Emily feels SO guilty about sending this dumb bird to die

Coming into this with the only prior experience of DnD being Brennan and Aabria is kind of wild. Like D20 campaigns you'll get the big philosphical speeches for the emotional beats and here's Murph with an equally heartfelt "Life just sucks ass, you know?"

Hardwon finding out about his parents is SUCH a good scene

“Are they bioluminescent?” “No.” “Can they be?” “Yeah, okay.” (16/17)

“Get out of town!” “I can’t, I’m a mushroom. I just stay here.”

Emily: “Oh, scrying means spying!” “It doesn’t, but-“ Murph, .2 seconds within Emily getting ‘um actually’-ied on dnd: “It does in this game, wiseass.”

Ol' Cobb’s big day!

When Hardwon goes down and the whole table has to watch Murph fight this intense squirmish against himself. Just a guy rolling dice and talking to himself. God that’s so funny (19/20)

Bev’s big day! Also Bev’s first kiss! (19-20)

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they’re really going all out for Ol' Cobb. Now he has a tragic lovestory too! (21)

“The High Elves believe that they were banished because they were cousins who wanted to get married. The Crick Elves believe they were third cousins at most. The truth is somewhere in-between.” “Second cousins?” “They were second cousins.”

Not to be cheesy on main but the Crick is such a love letter. Like it’s so obvious how much care and heart went into this almagation of all the silly asides Emily has thrown out

I have one (1) American irl friend and they're from a smalltown in North Carolina so all I'm hearing is people approximating my friend's accent with varying consistency and success

the Crick sounds like paradise and my worst nightmare, simultaneously

having Pawpaw's mother speak and also speak in the most matter-of-fact serious tone (22) is the funniest thing to ever happen. truly inspired.

Hardwon swears fealty to a middle-aged possum? what is happening

Jake v Murph’s ice ban is priceless (23) - “I caught Jake downstairs shovelling ice into his drink out of a bucket with a scoop - you had a scoop! - and he tried to cover it up and hide it!” “It was a joke!” “It sounds like you got caught though! Can you get caught making a joke?” #lifttheiceban

“I’m sure people will get the expedited version of the puzzle solving section-“ “No, give them the nine-hour cut, with just a full hour of us screaming at Murph begging for the answer.” “Join us for our new podcast, Puzzle Dullards.” (23)

Increasingly chaotic openings: “I am furious and I am also Brian Murphy” “If you edit out all my binks, I swear to Melora I’ll… I’m gonna pants you in your sleep!” (24)

Moonshine describing marble as “polite rock”

Emily attempts some straight up gaslighting: “Can I summon Illuminate Mystery?” “…that’s not… that’s not a real spell, you jerk.”

“Murph, if you kill Meemaw regardless of what happens in the fog just because it’s narratively interesting, I will sleep on the couch. For months.” “If Murph sleeps on the couch, is that a Murphy bed?” “No, I’ll sleep on the couch.” “Okay, if Meemaw dies, Emily will be punishing herself.” (25)

Not Murph giving Moonshine crickrot only to be audibly distressed when Emily is sad about it (26)

And then channeling this distress through her fictional pet possum

Pawpaw really is the funniest self-insert character of all time

“Balnor, are you from WWI?” I adore this theory and wish it were canon. But also he talked about fridges a bunch so probably not?

Okay but in all seriousness the whole Marabelle arc is SO GOOD

And Hardwon’s earnest devotion to Mawmaw is actually oddly touching ngl

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Murph as the voice of Hardwon’s drug addiction is *devious* (30)

That NPC casino employee making zero efforts at the pirate lingo

Siobhan’s character trying to talk to Pawpaw!! Pawpaw being described as Moonshine’s accountant!!

Literally my reaction whenever pawpaw makes an appearance:

Moonshine backing out of that threesome and opting back in like five times and also roping Balnor into it is GOLD

Genuinely the strategy to fake an immediate orgasm and sprint out in embarrassment is actually probably not the worst way to get out of a foursome? Maybe?

"And Siobhan Thompson as Apple Scrumper." "MVP! MVP! MVP!" "Yeah, Apple is the only one conscious right now." "Right now, MVP stands for Most Vertical Person."

Murph treating his Jersey accent like a full-on speech impediment

"Why are you writing that down? I haven't given you guys anything!" "This is Caldwell, out of character, trying to be helpful!" "No, this is Caldwell, out of character, wanting that money for Bev!"

(in)voluntary horse murder

Emily's thornwhip move!! her MIND

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"So do we go and look for him or do I just cast Skywrite and make the clouds say something threatening to him?" "You're going to threaten him with clouds? Okay."

"LIAR! LIAR BOY! YOU'RE NOT A REAL GREEN TEEN!" "I would never lie! It's true! The stratosphere wouldn't allow for it, I'm sorry!"

Murph making a huge deal about how it would be impossible to see skywriting at night when the way bigger issue is that Moonshine is illiterate. They keep forgetting that and it's funny every time

Moonshine firmly believing that Pawpaw knows how to write and him just writing "MO" every time is my absolute favourite bit I hope it never ends

"Wait a minute, you're in the middle of a swamp and you summoned a big, beefy horse?" "Horses can swim! Horses can swim!" "We've all seen Neverending Story, okay?" [crowd boos] "I will kill your horse! I dare you to boo me!" "Don't boo, he thrives off of it..."

Murph is channeling so much rage at something workout related here. who hurt you

"You all killed my family! My friends!" "You also did that." "You might have killed more of them than we did." "Truly all I did was hold a door shut." This is vicious I forgot how off the walls fucked up the whole Josh thing was

"Shit now I gotta do math in front of people."

Caldwell's silly little poems are actually so fucking impressive tho

"What's the damage on that?" "Rolling still." that is SO ominous

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Spent this entire fight thinking the Watchman was throwing I beams at the BOB. Deeply confused when Murph said his players would get mad at him if he didn’t count those as spells. They meant “eye beams” as in laser beams from his eyes, and bottom line is English sucks because you can’t communicate anything clearly

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“Murph, you’re living it up in this city.” “Yeah, you’ve invented a city full of anti-goof robots.” “The anti-goof police is out in full force.”

Murph setting up a super high-stakes social environment where the cast cannot pull their usual shenanigans and then deciding this will also be the arc where all the NPCs relentlessly flirt at Moonshine is honestly hilarious

holy shit no punches are being pulled in first half of the Frostwind arc. yeesh

Their massively lame "Headgum does Red Wedding" bit

Emily's Melora bits finally went too far: "Oh, Melora is masturbating in the corner!" "... Jesus." "Eww! That's the worst one!" "That is some Blumhouse shit, Emily!"

I think this podcast is the first time I've ever heard the word “brazier” actually pronounced out loud, and I hate it! please stop saying it

Murph taking the occasional run up at the fourth wall to go 'hey this is pretty good! who wrote this' always amuses me. i get it, if I could do that with my own writing i would

the 'one big bed' bit warms my heart. They keep trying to make it weird but honestly i still mostly come away missing big sleepovers

"I'm not afraid of the elements! The nature of mushrooms is sort of -" "Moonshine... mushrooms don't grow here." *Moonshine's life flashes before her eyes*

I know Balnor just confirmed he was around post early 80s because he quoted ESB, but the way he reacted to that whole gnarly giant murder and disembowelment is *really* giving WWI vibes

Starting to suspect Murph also just learned how to pronounce brazier. There seem to be a weird amount of them around, nobody has a campfire or an oven or a hearth or a fireplace…

The life and times of Ram Daniel

“I can’t tell you what a bad place this was to do a blood ritual.” Oh what a good and reassuring thing to hear from your DM

Murph starting to rate their little intros and immediately getting "bullied" into changing Emily's grade to an A (43)

“I sing a quick Gashlight Anthem”

Emily rolling for her dream and dreaming about Pawpaw dissolving, “that’s a one roll you monster!”

Murph stop making fantasy meth sound fun challenge

This party being fifty percent functionally illiterate is somehow still funny

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"Bev crit on finding Werther's one time, and then failed a check to see cannons coming at his house, and his mom, his boyfriend and his grandma almost died."

"Everyone is hot, everyone is horny, welcome to NADDPod" well at least he admits it