#my first one got pretty water damaged but it like. adds to the experience i think
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oetscop · 5 months ago
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all i have to offer another person are various orifices and three (3) copies of house of leaves
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scrubbinn · 6 months ago
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Slime HRT 3 Months: First changes
Omg omg omg!!! My first real change! It finally happened! Ok! Ok. Ok, let’s start at the beginning, I need to temper my excitement a little bit. To start from the very beginning, the past month I've been drinking so much water lately. I've always been drinking three bottles a day at work but now I’ve been drinking nearly all the time. I was told that was the first sign everything was working. Becoming fluid requires fluids if you can believe it. I have to avoid coffee and tea now, which has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my life, but the caffeine in both can actually be really damaging to your new slime cells apparently. It’s pretty much room temperature water or non-caffeinated energy drinks only. Still, if I need to constantly drink water then at least that means the medication is working.
My skin has gotten so smooth too, it feels like I’m made of warm ice. There's still a lot of hair, and there's still some rough patches on my body, but the hairs and rough spots should disappear after a few more months. It really is just my limbs that have gotten smoother so far, which sadly includes the soles of my feet. I actually ended up slipping on the floor and crashed into the kitchen and directly on all the pots and pans. I was more panicked about if I'd broken anything around me rather than if anything about me was broken! I didn’t break anything, utensil or bone, but it’s clear I need to take more deliberate steps plus socks on if I want to make sure being a soapy slime isn’t going to send me to the hospital.
 It would be worse if I can’t phone anyone to take me to a clinic in the first place. I've heard that after a while you start to lose the ability to use a smartphone since it can't read your fingerprint or something. There's a few people that have made money off making fake fingers for those of us who no longer have skin. It's kind of gross, but my ADHD is definitely not going to survive without constant internet access, it's just another expense of perfecting my life I suppose. All of this new equipment I’ve been looking into has been starting to add up to a lot of money. Does everyone who takes animal HRTs go through this? I’ll need to waterproof my bed, buy a lint trap for cleaning out dust stuck in slime, and buy clothes designed not to sink into me. I don’t actually know if I need those things since it sounds like I’m going to have some kind of membrane, but this is a brand new medication so I don’t think even that doctor knows how things will go for me.
But ok, the big change. Just this morning I was eating a breakfast sandwich and had trouble biting into it. My teeth went rubbery! There's a blue tint to them too now. It's going to be a pain eating food now, I had to pull apart small bits and swallow them whole, and I just gave up on the bread. But now I've been experimenting with them. They aren't like a gel and there's still a few hard ones, but now that I know, I find myself constantly poking them. It just… makes me feel happy when they bounce back. Oh, but if my teeth are like this, I bet it means there's a lot of changes going inside my bones. Though it is concerning how I'm going to be able to stand after a while.
One big downside was that this meant I had to schedule a doctor's appointment. Normally doctor visits are fine for me, you go talk to someone you'll forget in a day and get some blood taken, but I had the feeling this wasn't going to be like that, and I was pretty much spot on. As soon as I entered his office, he just looked at me. Like that kind of look you get when faced with a disapproving parent or a teacher when you forget to turn in your math homework for the eighth time. Same doctor as before, I think there are assistants that handle certain cases but I got stuck with the guy you see in all the magazines outside his office. He asks how things are progressing and I showed him everything that's changed. He looked concerned, but most people can't wiggle their teeth, so that checks out. He mentioned my dosage was going to be increased, and that I should start taking a new medication alongside it. Some newer drug that's supposed to lower my level of humanity and make me more malleable. He told me I would probably see another change soon and then said three months was too big a gap and I needed to write a new entry in this thing, or whatever. Maybe I'll sit tight for four months next time just to show him.
Though the biggest downside of my new self was that one of my roommates had noticed what was going on with me and confronted me about it. Yeah so, I may have forgotten to mention to everyone other than my girlfriend that I was going through with this procedure at that point in time. I was going to tell them eventually, when I was more slimy, probably. They got mad at me for not telling anyone else, but especially not either them or my other roommate. Said it was important for everyone here to know what changes could affect the living situation. Like me being happier is going to hurt anyone. They said they weren't upset about the treatment and just the fact I didn't tell them… But for some reason it still hurt, like they were upset about the treatment. Sometimes that’s just how it is. Someone says the wrong thing and it just breaks you. Slime shouldn’t break, it’s supposed to bend.
I'm going to focus on the changes and avoid bringing up my new self with other people. A few online friends I told are supportive but god forbid what might happen if my family finds out. I'm sure they'll accept me eventually, but they aren't the type to accept change pleasantly. Change. That’s a loaded word for me. I knew there would be some rough spots, but I didn't think things could go this badly for my mental state, this was supposed to be a happy entry. Oops, sorry future me when you look back and read this, haha... I guess I can try to find something happier to write about next time. I think I'm done for tonight. I want to cry. I could really go for some coffee.
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Thank you everyone for the support on the last chapter, the amount of likes and reblogs are insane. Seriously, thank you everyone. Apologies for the sudden dark shift in the tone but I’d like to make this a story of self acceptance rather than just a list of changes.
At list (for anyone who wanted to be mentioned)
@a-shramp
We now have a special announcement. Due to some recent events, we have discovered we're plural. We're still trying to figure out this revelation and it has been stressful for all of us. We don’t know if we wish to include our plurality into this story. It's all very new to us. We’ll be taking some extra time from Slime HRT to learn about our system and make an introduction post so you know who’s who. We're very new to this world so any support would be appreciated.
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tsuchiman · 1 year ago
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Review: Cyberpunk 2077
CYBERPUNK 2077
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Recently finished this after playing it on-and-off for the last 3 months. I started it last year, it didn't hook me so I dropped it but picked it back up and got into the swing of things.
At first, the vanilla game was mostly enjoyable but certain things started to irritate me. I noticed that most guns didn't do any damage to foes, which led me down the rabbit hole of modding via Nexus Mods. After adding in a realistic combat mod, I started fooling around with other mods just to fully customize the experience. Most of it modified minor things: crowd behaviors, water textures, more diverse weather rotation, increased traffic density, etc. The mod that hit the nail on the head was an EBM music modifier, adding in songs from bands like Nine Inch Nails and Front 242 as you ride around the city.
Cyberpunk 2077
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After the mods came the post-processing. I work with Reshade in a lot of games to add in some usually much needed zest into the final image, and this game needed it. The raw image isn't as impressive as I was expecting, so after much tweaking I finalized an image that I would prefer to see. It all made for better looking screenshots. Although, I didn't play it with an RTX driven card, so no ray-tracing. But even without the high-end rig to run ray-tracing, the game does a great job creating a realistic environment while maintaining a steady 60 fps on my RX 6700 XT at 2K resolution.
CYBERPUNK 2077
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The game itself was interesting and about as accurate as you would expect the title to imply. If you've read any William Gibson or Philip K. Dick, or watched pretty much any cyberpunkish sci-fi, then the experience was either familiar or felt like you walked into a mashing of those stories. Everything in this universe looks as if it's been built onto something else, creating an embedded, living greeble effect. The lingo that people use is quirky but unique; "preem", "gonk", have been set into my head as new terms. The design language is stuck between a retro-vision of what the future could have looked like from the perspective of the 80's-90's cyberpunk scene, and with modern-influenced perspectives about how the internet of our day actually works, how AI has actually come to function, etc. The cyberspace environments were somewhat predictable in their design, but functionally worked without being overwhelming, visually or conceptually.
CYBERPUNK 2077
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The inclusion of transgender or trans-sexual themes should be noted, since in this universe, body modification is the norm. There is one character I came across that after some time building the relationship, you find out that she was previously a he. The game doesn't focus on it much, but the inclusion of transgender themes makes me ask why there's a lack of transracial themes. The body-modding mechanic is integral to the world-building of the story. It would have been interesting to experience more people who's identities were pushed to all sorts of extremes: differenced sexes, spliced sexes, spliced races, possibly even spliced with animals. Where's the gene modification? Where are the cyber cat girls?
CYBERPUNK 2077
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The romance between you and the characters you end up working with was an interesting mechanic. I picked female V, but didn't necessarily have to try too hard to pick who I romanced. The game seemed to favor offering your lady companions as possible romance partners instead of the male companions, but maybe I'm biased since all the women are quite attractive. As conversations IRL usually have a hint of innuendo, adding in sex as an outcome adds a touch of realism since most games don't use it or can't. Flirtation and the inevitable sex scenes were half-way between intimate and comical, but this game isn't designed to be a porno. But again, if the developers are going to include sex as an option, why not push to the extremes?
CYBERPUNK 2077
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The only thing that kept me motivated throughout the game was the unraveling of Johnny Silverhand's past and current attachment to you. I won't say any spoilers here, but it was genuinely interesting to experience the dynamic between you and him. It's an interesting take on psychology, implants, cybernetics, the concepts of "soul" and "personality" locations, and the morality entwined between all of these. I chose a more amicable path with Johnny, so the outcome was beneficial for both of us. But there are options where you can essentially stay combative with him, and I'm guessing eventually rejecting him outright like a parasite.
CYBERPUNK 2077
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The criticisms I do have for the overall structure of the game is how open-world design can both be a benefit and a hazard. The environments were well crafted, everything fit perfectly into the name "cyberpunk", and after modding a bit, it was accentuated that much more. The drawback with the open-world element is that eventually everything starts to look the same in the city, and I quickly started watching the minimap when navigating, instead of tracking by environmental cues. I felt as lost as I do when I'm using Google Maps.
CYBERPUNK 2077
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The environments could have instead been designed by something like "old" versus "new" city designs. The old city would have had an aesthetic that looked like everything was retro-fitted. The new city could have been more like Mirror's Edge. Perhaps there could have been a dome-city, for high-end-profile people only, with no air pollution from some future fancy air filtration system. Perhaps contrast this with a slum-city. Excluding the cyberspace scenes, the visual change between environments only became apparent when you travelled into the desert, or after adding in an increased weather cycle mod. Besides that, the neon eye-candy and megacity flora-fauna was like being lost inside a pinball machine. Eventually it all blurs into a revolving same-ness. In a way, it makes me wonder how the game would have been had it been designed more linearly, with a semi-open world design, something like the Metro 2033 series.
CYBERPUNK 2077
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On the topic of environmental design, the faction system that's present, or not present, felt a bit lackluster as well. As it is, there isn't much weight to your decisions other than defining the personalized storyline. You end up working with people from particular factions, yet you yourself never get tied to these factions. I would have found it interesting if the factions you ally with start to define other faction behavior. Choosing to work with the police should affect how other gangs trust you, and vice versa. Maybe you can develop a relationship with a gang, only to infiltrate them for a job for the government. Maybe the government is revealed to have splinter factions within, so that a job becomes difficult with an either-or decision. Territories could be defined by faction influence and control, so maybe you could have a bounty on your head under certain territories, or given special permissions in areas with groups you've been good with. This could have come with access to special items, vehicles, body mods, etc.
CYBERPUNK 2077
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Overall, the game is most definitely the definition of "cool". It takes itself seriously, pushing the tech-noir aspect while keeping the zaniness of a future one awry out of the picture. Did it break the sound barrier for me? Not necessarily. But it is rare for me to finish a game. I still haven't finished Witcher 3, which is approaching a decade old soon. So for Cyberpunk 2077 to keep me hooked until the end says something. Or maybe it was just Panam's ass.
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sylviegunpla · 5 months ago
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Gunpla: Completed Collection of Minis: Part 2: Zeon Friends (& some guys from Crossbone Gundam)
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We continue with the gallery by looking at the characters from the Zeon alliance! But first, we start with Tobia Arronax, one of the first figures i painted in 2023. That entry is to help provided context for my mini painting history and was meant to be in part 1, but tumblr's image limit prevented that. So here we go!
MG Crossbone X-1 Fullcloth: Tobia Arronax
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This i believe was one of my earliest mini paints, and it displays the hallmarks of that period from Fall 2023: goopy paint (I hadn't quite figured out how to properly use thinner), messy panel lines... hell it's even missing some potential panel lines (notice the two circles on the backpack). I painted this back when i was doing up the full detailing and water sliding on the MG Crossbone Fullcloth, so that's why it's included. One of the first things i worked on when getting back into gunpla. The manual also didn't have a color guide for this guy, so i just had to guess. By the way, this figure normally doesn't have a flat base, but i cut one out of plastic sheet and glued it to his feet, so he can stand easier. I didn't do that until a few months ago, but all the figures that don't have such a base received one eventually. There's also a pilot that sits in the core fighter:
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The right image is the completed core fighter, the left image is meant to show off the pilot. I forget if i already posted about this kit yet, but if not, these will also go in that post, for completion's sake. But you can clearly see my earlier style. (If you came here from Part 1, return to that post with this link! https://www.tumblr.com/sylviegunpla/753405105076895744/gunpla-completed-collection-of-minis-various )
MG Sazabi Ver. Ka: Char Aznable
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Here's the boy! You know him and you love to hate him or love him. Our bisexual king Quattro Bajeen aka Char Aznable. (Gee for someone who doesn't watch Gundam i sure know the memes). This one experience a mishap actually! At one point i put it into a container for traveling, but that container had some liquid leftover in it, which i didn't realize. It damage some of the paint, so i had to touch it up and then re-apply Mr. Super Clear Gloss. I used gundam markers for the panel lining here, and tried to avoid panel lining every single detail. I think it turned out pretty decent, if a little smudgy. It's okay, we still love him. And yes this is one of my second run paints. There's also a pilot figurine for this kit, that actually cannot physically live inside the model. However, i have had to strip the pilot figure TWICE due to major mishaps with the painting process. Once that is completed, i will add him here (as well as to the separate post for Ver Ka Sazabi once i get to it). For now, we move on.
MG 2.0 Char's Zaku II (Clear Color Version): Char Aznable
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Ahhh, the horror! Well, the backside doesn't look too bad. This was also one of my first run paints + panel lines and it came out.. well, messy. Again, love that these are tiny cuz when you see them with your naked eye they don't look so bad. But zoomed in like this... well, you can see for yourself. Maybe try looking at it really far from your monitor, or shrinking the image lol. Anyway this guy also has a custom baseplate. HOWEVER, he also comes with a LIFT! Yes, this kit came with a freakin LIFT that i also went ahead and painted with airbrushing and hand touchups.
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Here he is, ready to go into his gundam. BUt that's not all! THere's also a pilot figure!
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This pilot was one of more recent paintjobs, and i think it came out much nicer than the standee (unfortunate since it mostly lives inside the model). I used nuln oil for the detailing this time. You'll notice the peg is a transparent plastic, and that's because this is part of the clear color version of the kit, which i got from P-Bandai at one point. Honestly the build itself was really fun, strong recommend. Here's some images of him in the suit:
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Ope, where is he?
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There he is!
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There he... also is?? This kit has a gimmick where the cockpit can actually be slide from the left side to right side of the chest using a lever on the outside.
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Moreover, enjoy here an action pose of the completed model! The Heat Hawk (axe) is something i recently finished painting and detailing. I used aqueous paints for the purple, molotow liquid chrome for the piping, gundam metallic marker orange for the blade, mr super clear gloss, panel lined with panel line markers, touched up, mr topcoat gloss on the blade & piping and Mr. Topcoat Flat for the rest of it
MG 2.0 Tri-Stars Zaku II: Ortega, Gaia, and Mash
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So this is a kit i do not own, but was gifted these figures by a friend. So of course i painted them. I didn't know their names when i painted them, and also i thought Ortega had a beard (he does not, i misinterpretted the scultpt). These guys i are one of my more recent paints, and i used the magnifying goggles for these boys too. They were shaded with nuln oil after being hit with Mr Super Clear Gloss. However, you can sadly see that i overdid the Mr Topcoat Flat, it kinda pooled up in Mash's arms and you can kinda see the solidified spray unfortunately. That might be fixable, but i didn't feel like doing that for now. Also, these were also custom bases. My friend also gave me only 2 of the 3 pilot figures for this kit (because apparently she glued one inside the cockpit lol). I painted them too, but i have no model kits to put them in. I believe the one on the left is Mash (I think because of the scar), and since the one on the right is the same size as the one on the left, i suspect he is Gaia. So i conclude that Ortega is in my friend's tri star zaku. But she said she glued the pilot in, so there's no way to confirm anymore.
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However, despite not having kits to put them in, i do have Tri Star Haros to display these boys with! It's almost like they're in the tri star suits!
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I did properly match each figure to the proper tri-star number: Ortega is 06, Gaia is 03, Mash is 02.
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RG Char's Z'Gok: Char Aznable
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So of all the figures i've displayed so far, they have all been 1/100 (if from Master Grades) or 1/60 (if from Perfect Grades). This is the first 1/144 scale figure i did and it came from the RG line. So this boy is extra tiny. Believe it or not, this was from one of my first runs of painting in 2023. I find it surprising because now i look at it and i think it's surprisingly "clean" (though no mask on his eyes). Part of that is because i decided not to try to panel line these tiny figures, as they're too small. I did this all without magnification, too. I intend to make a separate post for the Z'Gok eventually. Keep in mind, RGs do not have "pilot figures", so there's nothing to show inside the mech suit. However, i do have one more "Bonus Post":
RG Crossbone Gundam: Kincade Nau
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Luckily this boy fits into this post! So this (as well as all the other RG minis i will post coming up) was also a first run paint, and it's kinda messy. Keep in mind this boy is very tiny. The only reason i painted it i believe was because i mistook it at first for one of my Kira Yamato figures, and then realized my mistake, so tried to fix it. This thematically fits alongside Tobia Arronax from before because he's also a pilot of the Crossbone gundam. I dont have much else to say here, except that the Crossbone gundam is freaking sick and i loved building both versions of it i own. That's all i'm gonna try to fit into this post! Continue on to Part 3 by Clicking This Link!
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clairecrive · 4 years ago
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can u make a nikolai x reader based on the song mr perfectly fine by taylor swift?
Mr Perfectly fine
A/n: Ahh, thank to you friend, I've been jamming to this song every day lmao Hope I've done it justice x Also, I've left out some parts of the lyrics to make it better fit the story.
(if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist here)
for my other masterlists, you can find them on my navigation page
Word count: more than 7K (ikik it took a life of his own, what can I say)
Warnings: bit of fluff, angst (like a lot), character's death, spoiler if you haven't read Siege and Storm
Tagging: @jupiterandbutterflies (Thank you so much for your comment! I saw it and it made my day✨)
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(I don't remember where I took this from so if you know pls lmk)
Most people knew of Nikolai Lanstov. He was a prince, the second born and the most charming. Most people knew him thanks to the countless rumours that went around at court: supposedly he was not of royal blood. "Sobachka" was what they called him.
No matter how though, everyone knew of the last Lanstov prince. But very little knew him.
Meeting him wasn't difficult. Since he had been of age, Nikolai had always been out of the Grand Palace and among people. He’d also volunteered to enlist in the first army, refusing any kind of special treatment and fought beside his brothers in arms in the infantry. That was part of the reason why everyone outside the court loved him so much.
Being Grisha meant that fighting in the Second Army was mandatory. Not that you minded. There was nothing you wanted more for your people than to finally be free. Also, that Shadow Fold needed to go and as the Darkling has always said, all efforts are necessary.
That’s how you met Nikolai the first time. Generally, the First and the Second Army were stationed in different parts of the campsite. Numerous quarrels between oprichniki and Grisha had rendered the separation necessary. However, you never liked crowds much and living in the Little Palace meant that you were always surrounded by people. So, every chance you had to draw away and be by yourself for a while, you took it. Also, being a Healer meant that you’d spent more time in your assigned tent taking care of soldiers than among them.
Word had gone around that everyone in need could come to you. Usually, you had been instructed by the Darkling that your powers were reserved for Grisha. However, what good was it to have the ability to cure people and only take care of a selected few that very rarely got seriously injured? Meanwhile, soldiers of the First Army often suffered from severe injuries, fatal gunshots or knife wounds. You could help them and possibly save their lives so why shouldn’t you?
That was why Nikolai found you one night. Sure at that point it was just another nameless soldier to you. He had never been in your tent before so you had never seen his face before. The boy whose arm he had draped on his shoulders though, was a usual visitor of yours.
“Oh, Petyr, what happened this time?” gesturing to his blond friend to lay him down on the table, you started gathering everything you needed. Not that you needed much but you had found out that Petyr was absolutely incapable of bearing having his bones or injuries in general repaired without having some kind of pain reliever before.
After a few tries, you came up with a herbal composition that dulled the pain but didn’t make him unconscious. Using kvas would mean that Petyr would be knocked out for a couple of hours. That would put him in trouble with his superiors.
“He’s a fool, that’s what happened.” The explanation came from his friend after he put him down gently. Despite his words, you could hear in his tone worry and guilt?
“If saving your life makes me a fool then go ahead and call me one,” Petyr huffed in pain.
“Who knew you were so brave, uh?” After quickly shredding the herbs you needed, you poured hot water on it and brought the cup to Petyr’s lips while helping him keep his head up.
“He’s the bravest of us all,”
“If I knew it took a bullet wound to make you hand out compliments so easily, I would have done it sooner.” Scoffed Petyr after sending you a thankful look.
“See? What did I tell you? A fool,” his friend said dramatically and you smiled amused at their playful banter.
“Let’s see what we’re dealing with, shall we?” You said out loud to warn both Petyr and his friend. Letting them know what was about to happen was best, your experience taught you. Both for the person on the table that could brace themselves for what was about to happen and for the person with him that was filled with worry and cautiousness. Oprichniki didn’t trust Grisha that much.
After assessing the damage, you let out a relieved sigh as the bullet had gotten through and it had not hit any major artery. It had already got infected though, so you knew it would be a painful one to treat.
“So, did you receive any letters lately, Pety?” You ask, suggestively wiggling your eyebrows while your hands cover the wound. You had your eyes closed to better focus but you were sure that he had rolled his eyes.
“Only from my mum.”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t write her back,” you said, opening your eye just in time to send him a glare.
“Ugh, not this again, y/n, please. Have mercy on me, I’m bleeding all over the table.” Petyr moaned making his friend snicker.
“You’re not bleeding all over the table and if you didn’t notice, I’m already taking care of you, am I not? That doesn’t excuse you for being an idiot, though.”
“Are you two in cahoots or something? It’s not fair. Wounded man over here.”
“Oh shut up.” Both you and his blond friend said at the same time. Petyr moaned once again and you sent a little amused smile to the blondie.
“Should I leave you with a cool battle scar? Maybe acting like a war hero will give you the balls to write to her.” You harmlessly threatened him but your hands were already reconnecting the tissue of his skin without letting it scar.
“I’ve told you, y/n. She deserves better than what I can give her. I am, who knows if I even make it home? I’d be only stringing her along.” Now Petyr was dead serious. It was true, you had talked about this often since he was a regular you got to know him better and he had soon told you about his sweet Katia.
While his friend chanted “fool” like a mantra in the background, you took his bloodied hand in yours, his wound fully healed.
“Petyr, how do you think she’s gonna react when she learns that there hasn’t been any delay to her letters but you’re just ignoring her? Besides, you should let her make this decision too. Who knows, she’ll surprise you.” Squeezing his hand you turned to let your words settle and to put away your utensils. You knew you had given him so much food for thought so you didn’t address the subject anymore. His friend helped him off the table and that’s when you noticed that he was injured too. He had a pretty nasty cut on his lower lip and there was already a bruise forming on his temple.
“Petyr, you can sit on my chair while I take care of your friend. You should be fine but for at least a while don’t stress your body.”
Mentally making a list of the things you need to tend to this kind of wound and where you kept them, you started collecting before heading back to them.
Petyr had sat down but his friend was still standing.
“You don’t have to lie down if you don’t want to, but unless you don’t want me to go take a ladder or something, it would be best if you sat on the table.” You gave him your best reassuring smile as you mixed the healing paste. Sometimes, men didn’t like to put themselves in a vulnerable position with someone they didn’t know and had learned to fear. He wasn’t that badly hurt and it would only take a couple of seconds to fix but not every oprichniki was comfortable with being healed by Grisha power. So the paste would do your job for you. It would take longer, sure and it would also sting a lot more but at least he’d be healed at last.
After looking at you for a little while, the blond man did as you instructed, giving you a dazzling smile in return when you settled between his legs to fix his cut.
“The name is Nikolai or handsome if you prefer.” It was not the first time a wounded soldier tried to flirt with you. IT didn’t bother you, you found them amusing more than anything and you knew it was the allure of someone taking care of them speaking more than any real interest.
“Let’s hope you won’t be around here much for me to learn your name.”
“I’ll have to find another way to make myself unforgettable then.” He winked at you before hopping off the table.
You didn’t address his words, only gave them the paste you had prepared. It would prevent any wound from being infected and would be able to cure small cuts and bruises if applied for a couple of days. With that, you sent them both on their way. Petyr waving you goodbye while Nikolai sent you another wink.
And so this was how it all started.
Mr. "Perfect face"
Mr. "Here to stay"
Mr. "Looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away"
Everything was right
Despite your fellow Grisha, military life could be a bit alienating. Which sounded like a paradox, sure, but everyone had their own way of processing trauma and emotions and of course there were plenty of those during the war. If the best way to come to terms with everything that happened was to distance yourself from others and try to find the solution in solitude, it could get to the point where you’d feel alone in a room full of people.
To get a little respite, you’d usually go on a long walk or resort to stargaze. Sometimes, depending on where you were posted, it wasn’t safe to leave the campsite. So, that’s how Nikolai found you one night. Even he had to take a breather once in a while. Being a different version of yourself based on who you’re interlocutor was must be exhausting. Of course, you didn’t know this. You knew nothing about Nikolai at that point if not that he was Petyr’s friend and a socialite, according to other soldiers.
He seemed to be at the centre of gossip no matter what group of people you found yourself with and there also seemed to be a consensus about him. Everyone liked him. Even if it was rare for some Grisha to appreciate oprichniki, you knew they somewhat respected him because if they didn’t praise him out loud, they didn’t speak ill of him either.
“Not a fan of crowds, are you?” he announced his presence before sitting down beside you.
“I love them, I really do. It’s just that sometimes it gets too much.”
“Yeah, I know how you feel.”
“You do? Everyone seems to think you’re a socialite.”
“It’s what I want them to think but alas, I enjoy being more complex and multifaceted than that.” He lightly bumped your shoulder with his, eyes aflame with mischief.
“I bet.” you simply smirked. Despite how everyone seemed to think they knew him, you got the peculiar vibe from him, like there was a lot more to him than what he let everyone see.
“No one seems to know much about you.”
“Maybe you’ve talked to the wrong people.”
“Well, then I guess it’s better if I got straight to the source, don’t you think?”
“That will surely be a better start. Not sure you’ll find what you’re looking for though.”
“We’ll see.”
That night had been the first of many. It had become a sort of an unspoken arrangement between the two of you. While it didn’t last long, you sensed that you got to know him better than everyone. There was something about late nights meetings under the stars that prompted deep and meaningful conversations. It wasn’t hard to form a solid bond with him after a few nights.
The conversations weren’t always personal in the conventional sense. You’d often stray and talk about the most bizarre things. Like why something had the name it had or how cool it’d be if it was possible to pass through surfaces, which led to imagine all the uncomfortable situations one could find themselves in if they were to simply go into a room through its wall.
Nikolai was witty, overly confident and ambitious and he knew a lot of things. You always wondered how he had learned them since he was so young and been in the army for a couple of years already. But Nikolai was never too forward on certain topics, his family and childhood being some of those. You understood, those were sore subjects for you too. So you never insisted. It was much more interesting to listen to him rumble about impossible future projects of his, like a flying ship.
"When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable." He’d say whenever you’d point it out to him. Somehow, despite the absolute absurdity of them, the sheer confidence that he seemed to constantly exude, made you consider the possibility of his success.
You got the distinct feeling that there was nothing this man couldn’t do.
But that was when I got to know Mr. "Change of heart"
Mr. "Leaves me all alone," I fall apart
It takes everything in me just to get up each day
But it's wonderful to see that you're okay
But, alas, as all things do, these encounters of yours also got to an end. You knew it would happen, you were both soldiers so your lives were both heavily characterised by uncertainty after all. However, you were not prepared for it to end so abruptly though. And without an apparent reason. Because Nikolai’s unit hadn’t been posted elsewhere and he hadn’t been fatally wounded. You would have heard of it were that the case. But it wasn’t.
You thought that he had come to cherish your nightly encounters too. Some of those had been full of his promises. How he’d love for you to be around when he’d eventually find the time to work on his ideas. How you had been a nice surprise, a most interesting person among so many dull idiots you were surrounded by every day. How he’d come to value your opinions and presence in his life and that he was going to find a way to make sure that that would never change. Promises that turned to be empty.
You had never allowed yourself to fully believe him. It wasn’t the first time that a boy had made the same kind of promises but Nikolai looked sincere. Honest enough to be believable. But, of course, you had been wrong.
You didn’t realise just how much you had come to rely on him until he was gone. You tried to keep your mind off him and luckily the perfect distraction came your way. The Darkling had scheduled an attack on the enemy’s army and had posted you to be on the field to take care of everyone promptly. You had never been more grateful to the man, even after he had given her a home and a purpose.
Ever since your first encounter with Nikolai, you had thought it had been a blessing. However, you had soon changed your mind and now considered a curse more than anything. Why? Because as soon as you got to the field you couldn’t help but scour the troops for a familiar mop of blond hair. Many looked like him and being this far you couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t one of them but you certainly despised the leap your heart made every time though. That was a distraction you couldn’t afford. Besides, it wasn’t smart to let your heart get involved in times of war.
The battle began, Inferni and Squallers were working together to impair the enemy’s visual so they couldn’t shoot or use their cannons while the First Army marched after them to swap in as soon as the air cleared to catch the enemy by surprise. While your role wasn’t active per se, you were a Corporalki after all, and even if you had been specifically trained as Healer, you had also got one of your friends to teach you the basics of an Heartrender’s work. You weren’t a powerful one but you could hold your ground in a fight. Especially since they weren’t expecting you. And you were still far from any real threat.
The battle dragged on and soon there were wounded soldiers that needed your attention. You hated this kind of work, it was messy and dirty and had to be quick because spending too much time on one soldier could mean dooming another to death. You were accustomed to it by now and soon found a rhythm focusing on ensuring everyone’s survival and not bothering with the aesthetic side of healing. That could be taken care of later if they wanted to.
As soon as your eyes fell onto a crouched figure you sprinted towards them. It was dirty and you didn’t recognize them but you got the feeling it was a life or death situation. Oh, how you wanted to be wrong.
The person crouching turned out to be Nikolai and he wasn’t alone. He was kneeling beside someone, Petyr.
“Where are you hurt?” you hurriedly asked as you tried to assess the damage. His uniform was dirty and full of blood but you couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Trying to answer you, Petyr opened his mouth only to let out the most gruesome gurgling sound as his respiratory tract was flooded by blood.
“He got shot in the gut.” Nikolai offered.
“Is the bullet still inside?” Opening his uniform jacket you tore a piece from his shirt to use it to put pressure on the wound.
“It’s too late,” Nikolai uttered.
“No.” You strongly refused as you removed the cloth and focused on the wound. His heart was straightening and he had already lost a lot of blood. If the bullet was still inside that it was going to be a problem, if it wasn’t then you still had a fighting chance.
“I removed it earlier.” So that was why he had lost so much blood. Nodding your head to show that you had heard him, you set out to stop the internal bleeding. Slowing his heartbeat so that it was pumping less blood and thus eased your endeavour. You were still in the middle of the field and while you were keeping up with the warfare but in the back of your mind, you registered the sounds of screaming and of gunshots getting closer. A bullet hit you in the shoulder propelling you forward over Petyr’s body. Grisha’s kefta were bulletproof so you weren’t worried for your incolumity but for the harsh movement you had made.
Leaning back, you heard Nikolai calling for you but your eyes were trained on Petyr. You tried to listen for his heartbeat but could only hear two instead of three. Nikolai, who had never left your side, immediately understood what had happened by the fall of your shoulders and the tensing of your hands.
He kept calling for you but the only thing you could focus on was that you had let your friend down. Now there will be one more family crying for a loss, another girl mourning a lost loved one. And it was all your fault. It was because of you that Petyr wouldn’t live to see another day, to write another letter or to fight another battle. It was on you.
The details of what happened next were a bit blurred. Someway you must have found your way back to the campsite. Whether you did on your own after tending to everyone else, you didn’t know. Your memories picked up after you woke up in your tent. Someone was calling your name, saying that the Darkling wanted to see you.
Mechanically you raised and made your way to the Darkling’s tent but your mind was elsewhere. Your thoughts were plagued by Petyr’s face, by that godforsaken sound he made when he tried to speak. The realisation that he was gone hit you like a wall of brick that would have made you stumble if you weren't’ sat in front of the Darkling’s desk. Whether he was speaking and stopped after seeing the forlorn look in your eyes or he hadn’t been speaking at all, you didn’t realize. You did hear him say that you were going to be posted somewhere. Under different circumstances you have said something, anything to not let him send you away. Your mind immediately went to Nikolai. You’d be leaving him behind along with the campsite.
However, you now realised that you had already lost him. Losing Petyr had been the last thing that had completely severed your bond. There was no turning back now and part of you was grateful.
Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine"
How's your heart after breaking mine?
I've been Miss "Misery" since your goodbye
And you're Mr. "Perfectly fine"
You couldn’t know, of course, but Nikolai had left not long after you did. Albeit for a different reason. He had finally earned the Major rank and as such, he took a step back from military life deciding that his skill would be better suited for a life on the sea. Assuring Ravka the supply she needed but in ways that weren’t exactly suitable for a prince but worked just fine for a privateer. And thus Sturmhond came to life.
As for you, you kept doing your job at your new post but were relieved when a letter came from the Darkling instructing that you were needed at the Little Palace. Part of you had relegated Nikolai to that part of your mind where the unmentionable was, however, a traitor thought whispered that maybe there was a chance that you could see him at the royal grounds. Sure, the possibilities were close to zero but it was still possible, right?
No.
You already were ashamed of the fact that you’re still suffering because of him. And yes, you missed him but you weren’t going to indulge the pathetic hope of seeing him again.
He doesn’t want to see you. If he did, he would have already found you. Or write you a letter if he couldn’t, but he didn’t.
You were right. You knew you were, nonetheless, the thought only brought you a bittersweet feeling.
You found the Little Palace just how you’d left it and yet it seemed changed in a way. The insane amount of work you found there waiting for you helped you drown the feeling that it was you that had changed.
Months passed this way, sometimes the Darkling would post you with him or outside the Little Palace. All in all, you’ve kept busy. When news of the little prince leaving the Palace reached you, you let it wash over you. It wasn’t like it mattered much, whether he was a few feet away or in another nation, Nikolai wasn’t part of your life either way.
When the whole expansion of the Fold happened, you were stationed at the Little Palace. Chaos and terror ensued as soon as the news reached the capital making most of the Grisha flee. Most of them went looking for the Darkling while others simply ran away and hid. You were amongst the first group.
Soon, your life was radically changed. The shift in the Darkling was palpable and it didn’t have anything to do with the scars on his face. You had tried your best to heal them and Genya to tailor them away but somehow, they could not be removed. It was an unsettling thing to realize that they didn’t take away his beauty. One could even say that they enhanced his attractiveness.
He was certainly more powerful. None of you knew what had happened in the Fold that day, just that the Sun Summoner had fled and that there were no survivors apart from him. However, as your journey in pursuit of Alina dragged on, you were soon witnesses of his newfound power.
The nichevo’ya, he called them.
He had always been immensely powerful. One of a kind. But this- this was different. And as dread settled among your group as you watched them in action, realisation sat heavily on your shoulders.
He soon found a trail and traced Alina in Novyi Zem and set out to reach the island by hiring Sturmhond’s crew. He was a famous pirate after all and despite his unreliability, the Darkling was sure that as long as he got his money, he wouldn't be a problem.
In the round trip, you didn’t see much of the captain anyway. Some members of his crew were amiable enough, particularly the Yul-Baatar twins. You had even asked Tamar to spar with you from time to time. Your lessons with Botnik were a distant memory and you knew that mastering combat training skills could increase your chance at survival.
When Alina and Mal were held captive though, that’s when Sturmhond made an appearance. He looked younger than you’d thought and there was something oddly familiar in the way he held himself. Still, you didn't talk with him much. Your job was to take care of Alina and so you spent most of your time in her room.
It wasn’t until the Darkling asked Mal to track Rusalye and consequently spent more time with Alina that you had a chance to talk with him. It was during one of your night shifts when he approached you, the Darkling had wanted some of his to always be patrolling the ship.
“What could possibly make a little thing like you be amidst this wretched company?”
“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.”
“The thrill of adventure?”
“There’s plenty of it everywhere you go if you’re Grisha, even if you just go on a stroll.”
“Is that why you follow him?”
“I owe everything to him.”
“I’m sure you realize your role in this.”
“Of course I do. I’m not some naive girl who has a crush on her general.”
“Ah, so who, pray tell, do you have a crush on then, beautiful lady?”
“You’re certainly noisy for a pirate.”
“Privateer,” he corrected you, “there’s not much to do around here is it?”
“Not if you have everyone taking care of it, no.”
“Amuse me.”
“It isn’t wise to let the heart get involved in times of war.” That was all you were willing to share. Yes, he was handsome. Yes, the twinkle in his eyes was oddly familiar but he was a stranger. A dangerous one.
“Those sound like words spoken from experience.”
“Maybe.”
“Well, I’d say it’s no fun to only think about war. Life is so much more.”
“Believe me, if I could, it’d be the last thing on my mind. But, alas, l don’t have the privilege to do so.”
You had already lost too much time speaking with him. If someone were to see you or tell the Darkling you’d be in trouble. And you had made it your goal to never put yourself on the path of the Darkling’s anger. So you excused yourself and went back to your rounds.
If only you had stayed and talked to him more maybe you would have understood what was about to happen. Maybe you would have had an enkindling of Sturmhond’s plans. Instead, you were taken by surprise, just like everyone in your group, when Rusalye was spot and a shot was fired. You had found yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to fight against people you had grown to like.
“I don’t want to hurt you, y/n,” Tamar warned you as you stood face to face on the sinking ship dock. Her trusted axes in her hands while your hands were raised ready to attack.
“I don’t want to hurt you either.”
“Then you don’t have to. Come with us.” Her proposition made you gasp.
“That would be treason,” you whispered hoping that the Darkling wasn’t around to hear you. A shiver ran through you as you thought of the punishment he’d give you for even thinking about leaving his side.
“Then you leave me no choice.” She said lowering her arms. Was that guilt you heard in her voice?
Before you could voice your question though, she shouted for her brother and not even a second later, you felt your body grow still. Your eyebrows faltered as you felt your heartbeat slow down.
They were Grisha.
They must have seen you realise because you heard Tamar apologize before everything went black.
Mr. "Never told me why"
He goes about his day
Forgets he ever even heard my name
Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same
You didn’t stay out for long though. As soon as Sturmhond’s crew had left the Darkling’s ship and had safely made it onto the Volkvolny, the privateer had asked for you to be awakened.
There wasn’t enough light for you to realize you were on another ship, what alerted you of your new situation were your hands. They had bound them behind your back. Immediately you started to struggle, hoping to wiggle out of the restraints. To no avail though. Huffing out in frustration, you settled for looking around you and see if there was something you could use. That’s when you noticed him.
“Release me- this instant, or else-”
“Or what? You’re a Healer. Not exactly a violent job, is it?” Sturmhond interrupted you, a smirk on his face since he had the upper hand.
“I don’t need my powers to kick you in the ass, do I?” He laughed but didn’t look remotely threatened. Rather amused, actually.
“Please, you have to let me go. He’ll kill me if-” Panic started to build as you realized that there was no way you could successfully escape.
“He won’t touch you.” A solemn glow took over his eyes. “He won’t ever hurt you again, you have my word.” He promised, looking subtly at your left shoulder. You winced as you realized that he must have seen your scars. The ones left by the Darkling’s niche’voya.
“How can I know if you’re trustworthy? You don’t exactly have a good score, you know?”
“You’re going to find out soon enough. Don’t worry.”
Of course, he didn’t bother offering further explanations. He’d left it at that. You weren’t a captive per se but he left your hands bound, only freeing them when you needed to eat or relieve yourself.
Fruitless were your efforts in making you tell more. He often ate with you and would check in at least twice a day but that was it.
It wasn’t until after you had landed after that forsaken vehicle of his had gotten you through the Fold that you understood. His coming out as Nikolai Lanstov, prince and second in line for the Ravkan throne, had shaken you all to your core. However, you doubted that it had sent a pang to the others’ hearts as it did with yours.
Nikolai Lantsov. The man you had been dreaming about, the one that had left you behind without any sort of explanations, the one you missed so dearly, had been by your side all this time.
You weren’t sure how you felt. It made sense now why his eyes looked familiar and his posture. You then connected that the vehicle you had used in the Fold had been one of the many projects he used to geek about with you. It tasted a lot like betrayal. Not because he had lied to you about his name but because he had tried to get close to you again and had managed to somehow break that growing bond again.
'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl
I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her
So dignified in your well-pressed suit
So strategized, all the eyes on you
Oh, he's so smug, Mr. "Always wins"
So far above me in every sense
So far above feeling anything
Even if his secret had been outed thus causing some shift in the dynamics between Nikolai and the two new members of his crew - you suspected Mal was closer to punching him every second that passed- not much had changed for you.
On the outside, you pretty much looked like a prisoner. Albeit a very clean one. You rode with them, hands still bound, scowl ever-present on your face.
Nikolai had not come to see you ever since that night after the Fold. And now it had been almost a week since you had started your journey back to the capital. Whether this was all part of his plan to make you look the part of the captive even more or he was just gutless, you didn't know. It was working either way though.
You liked to think that his reason was simply that he didn't care. He had far too much on his plate right now as it was. Going back to court after years of absence while also making claims to the throne and trying to sway the Sun Summoner your way. It was no easy feat. But hadn't he always liked to say that impossible often meant improbable? A lot of things had changed since that night but even so, you'd still pose your bet on him that he'd be able to achieve anything he set his mind to.
It wasn't exactly that thinking this way brought you actual comfort. Of course, not. But it was better than foolishly hoping for him to still care about you the way you did for him. After all, he had sent plenty of signals that pointed in the other direction.
But then why did he kidnap you? Why take you with him? You weren't that close to the Darkling to be of any use to Nikolai in that way. And, as a matter of fact, no one had come to interrogate you regarding his plans or whereabouts. Then why?
You still couldn't figure it out.
Some days your anger shifted more to frustration and you were ounces away from asking for him yourself. Almost as if he had heard you though, he gave you the final push.
It was the usual day, Nikolai and Alina were riding in the carriage, stopping in every village we passed to meet with the locals. However, this time, before climbing back into the carriage, they kissed.
You were too far to figure out who started it and the details. The gist of it was enough though.
You most certainly were a fool. Still thinking about a guy who didn't give two shits about you, who had kidnapped you putting you in a dangerous situation and you were still wondering whether he felt something for you or not? Pathetic.
You had to do something about your situation and quickly too. Officially, you were a traitor. You had fled and joined the Darkling, that wouldn't make you look good in front of the king. He was a lousy bastard anyway and will probably sentence you to death to set an example. You hadn't survived so much shit to end up at the end of a rope.
So, even though you had initially thought against it since you were so close to home, you decided to escape. You were already headed towards certain death so what was the worst that could happen?
Your hands were left unbound when you were in your tent. One less problem to solve. Closing your eyes, you focused on listening for any nearby heartbeats. You heard two, those of the guards posted outside your tent. Maybe you could find an excuse to call them inside, put them to sleep and then slip away.
That was not exactly what your powers were for but you were desperate. You had to at least try.
And so you did. You called them in and immediately set out to slow their heartbeats. You had almost succeeded in putting them under when someone else slipped in. The last person you wanted to see.
"Am I that bad of a host?"
You didn't meet his ruse though, you knew it would make you lose focus.
"I'm afraid I have to ask you to release my soldiers." As soon as he said it though, they fell unconscious at last. Your chest was heaving by now, using so much power in such a different way was costing you. But you couldn't back down now. It was one on one and you were Grisha and a woman scorned. He stood no chance.
"Move out of my way, your highness."
"I'm afraid I can't do that."
"You can or I can make you. Your choice." The venom in your voice was unmistakable and it took him by surprise. He gave you a curious look tilting his head to the side like he was seeing you for the first time over again.
"I didn't realize ruthlessness was one of your personality traits."
"You know nothing about me," you seethed. The tip of your fingers flexed, the tension in the room could be cut with a knife and you were already weary.
"It may have been a while y/n, but I like to think I know a good deal about you."
"And I would like to completely erase this last year but you don't hear me yap about how shitty it has been, do you?"
"You never did like opening up much."
"I'm well past the point of sentimentalism, Nikolai. It is coming far too late anyway. And whatever my feelings for you may be, I won't let you put my life on the line." Your posture straightened, stance ready for battle.
His eyes flashed, jaw clenched. His hands closed in fists and he almost looked hurt. But why would he?
"Is that what you think all of this is?" Nikolai always acted aloof. He was always composed and dignified. You had thought it was for his insane amount of self-confidence but now you understood it was for how he was raised. But you recognised the pout on his lips. It was the expression he’d always have whenever he tried to get something from getting to him. To prevent himself from showing emotions.
"You're holding me captive while you go around Ravka parading your latest conquest, flashing your return everywhere. I don't know why you're doing this but I don't care. I've stopped waiting around for you and I certainly won't let your father put me to death."
"You think I'd let him?"
"So you want to do this?" you threw your hands up in exasperation, "Fine. You really want to know what I think?"
"Be my guest."
"I think that the Nikolai I knew would have left out of the blue without so much as a letter. I think that the Nikolai I knew was ready to go to any length to achieve what he believed in. However, I thought that the Nikolai I knew cared about me and what we had but look at me now. So maybe, I know nothing at all."
"You certainly do seem to know a lot of things. But you’re not wrong."
"If this is the way you care about me," I gesture to my tent, "then I'm not sure I want this Nikolai to care for me."
“This,” he said, emulating your gesture, “is to keep you safe. This is my way to ensure that if the Darkling got news of your whereabouts, he’d be sure not to think you willingly left his side and betrayed him.”
“That’s because I didn’t!” You raised your voice in outrage. The nerve of this man.
“Spare me your indignation. I know you hate being at his beck and call, to do his dirty work and be constantly surrounded by warfare.”
“Do not presume to speak for me.” You snapped. You knew it was best to keep a cool head but his cockiness was getting on your nerves.
“Didn’t you? Hate it, I mean.”
“We’re at war, Nikolai. Being away or close to the Darkling won’t change that. At least with him, I was safe.”
“You can’t be that delusional to think that he was protecting you.” He scoffed at your words as if they were the most absurd thing he had ever heard.
“And you can’t be that delusional to think that bringing me back won’t result in your father killing me.” You fired back shifting on your feet. He winced as if you had physically hurt him.
“You have so little faith in me?” His voice was just above a whisper and you knew that your words had struck a chord.
“How can I have any, Nikolai?” your voice softened a bit. “One day you’re telling me how much you value my opinion, you promise me a future where I’d be the first to see your project come to life and then you left. You just left, Nikolai.” And when I was starting to make my peace with it that’s when you come back? Also, let’s not forget about my abduction and your flirting with Alina.”
“So yes, I don’t trust you.” You concluded, crossing your arms on your chest with finality. He just stared at you for the longest time. If someone would come in now, they’d think you were in the middle of a staring contest. Then he sighed and started talking.
“I had to go away. I had already pushed my parents’ limits when I said I wanted to be part of the infantry. So, one day I got a letter written by my father personally and I knew that my time was up. I had been Nikolai for too long, now I had to start being a Lantsov prince.” His eyes were on the ground now, shame making her way in his words.
“So that’s what I did,” he went as he started pacing,”I went to Kerch to study, just like my father wanted. I did what he asked, he couldn’t reproach me anything now. I could never stay too still though, a life of adventure was calling me and I could not ignore it. It was only then that I realized that I could do so much more than sitting in a class, to realistically help Ravka.”
“I couldn’t take you with me. You had such a larger role to play in the army and besides, there wasn’t much I could offer you. So yes, I left. I left thinking that I would find my way back to you eventually.” He had stopped by now, regret was swirling in his shining orbs as he looked at you.
“You could have told me.” You contestated, taken back by all the information he gave you. “I would have waited for you.” A whispered promise for something that would never be now.
“I was afraid, y/n. That’s not my best moment, I know and no number of apologies could ever make it right. But I was afraid of your answer. I knew I’d be asking for a lot and let’s be honest-” the desperation in his tone was evident now, he had unconsciously started to lean towards you but you knew what he was about to say.
“You weren’t sure if the future you were offering me would just end up with me being your mistress, am I right?” Your tone hardened but despite the insulting implication of what you said, you weren’t made at him.
“I’m a prince, y/n. We do not marry for love and this country cannot afford to disregard the advantages that a political union could bring.”
His honesty was as refreshing as it was unsettling. He was right. As soon as you had learned he was a prince, you realized just what kind of future you could have with him. But then he left and that problem did not exist anymore. Neither of you spoke, both of you were seizing the other. You had laid it all out, defences were down putting you both in a vulnerable position.
And someday maybe you'll miss me
“You should have talked to me, Nikolai. We could have figured it out together. If it came to being your mistress to stay with you, then that was my decision to make.” You said softly after a while. It pained for you to say this, you would have never thought that getting closure would hurt this much.
Tears streamed on both of your faces, in front of you had been laid what your future could have looked like. It was everything you had wanted, you could still do your job and have the man of your dreams. You were surprised to find that you wouldn’t mind sharing him with his supposed wife. You had been at court for enough time to know how most marriages went. If he assured you it was only a diplomatic affair but that his heart was yours, that would have been enough. Who knows, maybe she’ll get a lover too.
But now… now you didn’t know if you could ignore everything that happened. You did not trust him nor could you ignore how hurt you were by his lack of communication and thus of trust in you.
But by then, you'll be Mr. "Too late"
493 notes · View notes
softrozene · 4 years ago
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Reacting to Reader’s Braces Headcanons
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I took a break from my event to create this extremely self-indulgent and rushed headcanons since I finally got my braces off! I have a very strong dislike for my retainer now but it will grow on me :’) Anyway this is comfort for me since my mouth is in pain lol.
One Piece Characters Reacting to Reader getting braces vs. getting them off!
One Piece Characters x Reader (Gender-Neutral/Nonbinary)
*I just did the Straw Hats, Law, Marco, Ace, and Thatch for this! (I did not add Jinbei as a straw hat since I am still not all the way caught up)
Warnings: This is long, Fluff- The characters reacting can be considered platonic/romantic- I will have any romantic (kissing) headcanons in bold. Except Chopper. He is strictly platonic because he is baby.
This is their normal One Piece world since I was a bit curious how they would react since I imagine that if there are dentists/orthodontists in their world it would be rare or only in like huge cities like Water 7.
FLAKSDSA Honestly just imagine Reader leaves the crew once in a while to go get their adjustments done or something lmfao. We ignore logic for this one. Only care about the reactions XD
Words: 2,343
Monkey D. Luffy:
When he firsts sees the metal in your mouth he is curious!
He will be in utter awe or laugh if he thinks they look funny (which of course makes Reader’s confidence plummet lol unless you laugh with him)
May call you a robot
He wants to know why they are shaped around your teeth- It is not like the gold or silver teeth that other pirates have that accompany missing teeth
This is weird for him since your teeth seem to be trying to look straight?
When you explain the reasoning of braces to him he is even more puzzled but excited for you!
He is not sure you really need them since he likes your smile regardless but he is happy if you are happy!
As for when you get them off- He is in awe that the braces did their job! And now you get to wear this weird plastic thing in your mouth
How the heck did you even get it in there?
He has no clue what a dentist/orthodontist is so he will just call them mouth doctor and think Chopper is the one helping you lol
Kissing with them on is also a weird experience for him! (I really hate to say it but he will love if you do not clean them very well. It makes him surprised but happy if he tastes food on them alfdjaslkf I HATE THIS lol)
He likes the way the metal feels when he explores your mouth but hopefully he is not a harsh kisser- You fear something will break if he really wanted to flakdfa
When you get your braces off he is in even more shock! That is so cool! Your smile is straight now! But now you got this weird plastic thing in your mouth... He does not mind he is just forgets you wear it since it is clear!
Luffy honestly does not care what you look like smile wise from before or after. He has no preference. He only cares that you are happy with your smile!
Roronoa Zoro:
“What the hell is in your mouth?”
THIS MAN BATHES ONCE A WEEK SO I WOULD ASSUME THAT IS THE SAME WITH HIS DENTAL HYGIENE?! I really hope not. I hope he cares for his mouth and will pretend he does now falksdfja
Anyway, he sees the metal and he is confused but once you explain it, he really does not care anymore
“Oh, cool, I guess.”
If you are partners though- He will be intrigued how kissing you would be. He takes the chance and decides it is an experience for sure tasting the metal in your mouth. (May remind of blood so he pretty cool with it alfdjalk)
Speaking of blood- If something ends up poking him or cutting him... He will enjoy it to the max tbh however if it is you that is hurt he will cease all kissing and only go for pecks until later
When you get them off I think he would miss tasting the metal
When you get your braces off he does not notice at first... It takes a few smiles before he goes... “Wait a minute...”
Then it hits him!
He will smile and be happy if he notices that being braceless brings you confidence with your new smile!
Nami:
SHE NOTICES THEM IMMEDIATELY AND SHE LIKES THEM
Nami is huge on hygiene so I think she would love to know more about dental hygiene and the concept of braces
She is understanding with your diet restrictions and will scold anyone who gives you weird looks or tries to get you to eat something you should not
She is your go-to for this since she also wants to see the end result as perfect
She is tad worried in the kissing department- Not wanting to mess your braces up since she knows how much effort goes into them but she also worried about her safety and if a wire or lose bracket will poke her or worse you. So she sticks to gentle kisses until they are off
She actually goes with you to your orthodontist to see how they take them off and to be there for you
She is happy with and for you upon seeing the end result!
and now her kisses can be harder >///<
Usopp:
As a tinkerer he will notice and also be intrigued. He has never seen braces (like Luffy and Zoro) and has never heard of them
He asks so many questions
Luffy, Zoro, and him are the ones who forget your diet restrictions which causes much irritation on your side. You will constantly glare at them for offering foods or drinks you can’t have
Usopp will eventually start remembering and be considerate on your behalf
When he kisses you he is soft and gentle- Not wanting to hurt you or himself. If he tastes blood he will pass out in fear just because he will blame himself and think he hurt you. He is too sweet :’)
As soon as your braces are off he will ask SO MANY QUESTIONS about the retainer like how was it made and such? Does it feel weird?
He is just so intrigued by it and of course- It makes you smile even more.
Sanji:
Tbh I feel like he would have had them as a kid or wanted them if his dad cared enough aldfjakl
Also notices them immediately
He will actually cater to your diet needs/restrictions because he knows how much they mean to you if you are going through such a time consuming thing to get your teeth fixed
Besides that he is just a friend you can go to if you are in mouth pain- He will make something soft for you every time you go for an adjustment or tea to help sooth your mouth
If you are kissing on the other hand- If homeboy does not pass out first he will be so gentle. He is terrified of hurting you or making you uncomfortable with your braces on (and lowkey is the same way even if you get them off- You will have to be the one to make the first move)
When you get them off- It is a food celebration! Whatever you missed eating or that you could not eat he will make it all for you!
He does notice if you are smile more and if you are more confident with your new smile! : )
Tony Tony Chopper:
HE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND DURING YOUR BRACES TIME.
He will constantly worry about any mouth pains and since he is a doctor is intrigued how someone labeled as a doctor for teeth does their jobs
He will asks questions constantly and write about your journey with this
10/10 cutie and best buddy for this
Make sure he is stocked on simple pain meds for you
Nico Robin:
She notices them but does not say anything or ask questions unless you want to talk about
She is sweet and looks out for you
Makes sure Sanji helps with your diet restrictions
Besides that she does not notice much or ask much
She is just happy that you are doing this for yourself
Her kisses concerning this are always gentle. She refuses to risk anything with you until after your braces are gone. Only then will she let herself become more heated with kisses.
After your braces she will always compliment your smile (and tell you it was beautiful before too but notes how confident you are)
Cyborg Franky:
“WHOA THAT IS SUPPPPPERRRR!”
He likes them.
That is all.
Okay but seriously. As a man who completely turned himself into a machine in the front he has mad respect for you for putting metal in your mouth. Like that concept is wild to him since the mouth is so sensitive (yet he also can blow flames out his mouth due to working on it aldfjal)
He will refuse to kiss you since he knows how is strength and hard kisses can damage your brackets/wires so he refuses anything until after they are safely off.
Besides that after your braces are off and you have your retainer on (He honestly didn’t notice the retainer lol) He will go “You have a SUPERRRR smile!”
Brook:
Brook honestly does notice them at first but he does not say anything until you do
Cue his jokes: “I NOTICE THE METAL IN YOUR TEETH WITH MY EYES BUT WAIT I DO NOT HAVE ANY EYES YOHOHOHO”
Besides that he is not that interested in them
For kissing though he also refuses to do so since he is straight up a skeleton. He does not want to risk his bone breaking ANYTHING. Though he will peck your cheek. Even after you get them off he is hesitant since he is a skeleton- That does not mean he will not try. If you ask he will get flustered and be gentle for you
When you get your braces off- Brook may tease you and say your teeth are almost as straight as his! And remind you constantly that he is a skeleton adlfjakl
Trafalgar Law:
Is just a king- I should stop all headcanons here alfdkaldks
He knows what braces are and is not that interested in the work only because he prefers his medicinal studies that are more morbid than the mouth
However, he is very observational still and notes how you care for them and what your diet is
For kissing- He acts like he does not care but he is gentle and careful when things gets heated. He is actually a big softie so he will do everything to avoid ruining your braces that would involve a setback.
After you get your braces off he also notices how much more confident you are. How much brighter your smile is because of that
Besides that- He does not make a big deal out of it
Marco the Phoenix:
He and the Whitebeard pirates have been nearly everywhere and met all kinds of people so he is not that surprised when he notices that you have braces
He has seen them before so not a big deal
Much like Law, Marco will not make a big deal out of it
However, if you both are close to each other he may tease you whenever you develop a lisp or when are embarrassed after an adjustment.
Either way he means it with a good heart
God- Kisses with Marco when you have braces are so, so, so, gentle. He is the king of kisses no matter what. He is careful but he sure as hell will not let the metal win when you both get heated. So he knows how to maneuver around your mouth with his tongue >///<
When you get your braces off- It is a celebration with the whole crew. Marco helps plan it and of course takes photos of your smile afterwards since you have every right to be proud of your smile
He will always comment on how your smile is brighter
Portgas D. Ace:
Also with Marco (and Thatch) he is rather used to seeing different kinds of people with different situations so he is not surprised to see metal in your mouth
However when you get close to him he does ask questions and get intrigued
He only teases you when you have some trouble speaking a few words but besides that- He is also respectful and does not think much of the braces
Though since he is one that eats all the time he tries to be considerate for you since he knows that it can be frustrating with your diet restrictions
If you are in a relationship with him he actually is not confident in kissing you with your braces. It is because he cares so much about you and because of his self-loathing- He would HATE if he messed up your braces so he is cautious and tries not to push anything until after you get your braces off
When your braces comes off homeboy is going to dine-and-dash with you EVERYWHERE
Thatch-
Like the other two- Thatch is used to this kind of thing so he is not surprised
Since he is the culinary chef for the Whitebeard Pirates you bet your butt he will have better foods for you to suit your needs
He is also teasing like the others and may take it a far sometimes but he will remind you that you are good with or without braces!
He constantly makes sure you are doing fine though since he is aware of how the other whitebeard pirates may not be as considerate as he is
Kisses with Thatch are gentle but I think if it gets too heated he may forget that he is supposed to be gentle. He definitely ends up tearing up his tongue on the metal if this is the case and he feels bad if you feel bad- If not he will laugh it off and continue if you want
After you get your braces off- He will check with what you want to celebrate! What kind foods you have to eat first and you get the honor of taking the first bite!
OKAY LAST BUT NOT LEAST HERE IS A LIST ON WHO WOULD MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY WEAR YOUR RETAINER :’):
Would forget you you wear a retainer so they would not be helpful as a reminder: Luffy, Zoro, Franky, Brook, Ace
Remembers then forgets after a while: Usopp and Thatch
Makes you wear your retainer as instructed and will give you a death glare (out of love of course) if you are not doing so: Nami, Robin, Sanji, Chopper, and Marco
Will make sure you wear your retainer even though he says he does not care, and will murder your soul if you do not do so (out of love but he will lie about it): Law
454 notes · View notes
cursestothemoon · 4 years ago
Note
Hi Charly! Could you do a headcannon about Fred and his virgin girlfriend having sex for the first time? But she’s feeling self conscious because he’s more experienced and she’s worried about not being as good as his past partners not me projecting or anything 🙃
as a virgin who cant drive this request really resonates with me
welcome to the fred show pew pew
ill stop.
17+ IF YOU ARE TAGGED AND DON’T WANT TO BE TAGGED IN SMUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW
warnings:NSFW, vaginal penetration, loss of virginity, fingering
ok so
first i wanna get into fred before you came around
his sex life specifically
i think fred likes to have fun
nothing wrong with that
so yeah he's been around the block
a few times
so he knows what he's doing when it comes to sex
he takes pride in how good he is honestly
but i also think his first time wasn't all that
he probably lost his virginity rather young
14 maybe 15
the girl was 16 maybe 17
and he kind of pressured himself to lose his virginity after hearing his amazingly cool older brothers talking about 'this bird i shagged...'
it was bill
and fred loves bill
idolizes bill
so in his efforts to be just like him he had to lose his virginity
which he did
but he was beyond nervous and fidgety
he's almost certain the girl felt so bad she lied and said she finished when really he was in there for two minutes TOPS
but he got better over time
also he made sure that the person he was with finished first because he's still a little embarrassed abut that first time
george is the only person who knows about his first time, he didn't want anyone else to know
ESPECIALLY bill
anyway
so by the time you guys start dating fred is very experienced in the bedroom
you are not
you are a virgin
thats ok
😌
i feel like fred would just assume your not a virgin if you didn't tell him otherwise
because 1) you are drop dead gorgeous and could get it literally any time you wanted
and 2) he just assumes everyone does it unless told otherwise
you would be talking one day and somehow your first times would come up and fred would go beet red and admit how terrible it was for him
and then you'd kinda just 🙂
because you don't have a first time story
fred would not catch on at first
he would be very confused
then you'd go pink and come out with it
"...i'm a virgin, freddie."
he was honestly surprised
but once he noticed how genuinely uncomfortable you were admitting it, like it was something bad
he'd go into protective, comforting freddie mode
would go above and beyond to tell you that it wasn't a bad thing at ALL and he wishes he would've waited
and then he goes
"now that i know, i'm going to make sure your first time is amazing, love."
then he'd kinda just pause and go red again as he thought about what he said
"i mean, assuming you'd want your first time to be with me. totally cool if not, but i reckon that would be rather odd considering we are dating... unless you are breaking up with me...wait don't break up with me."
you'd just giggle and pull him into a kiss
"i want my first time to be with you, only you."
"i am so glad we are on the same page."
ok fred would go ALL OUT to make sure your first time was amazing
unforgettable
and you ARE finishing.
it would be over summer
you're staying at the burrow for the next month
and fred has it all planned out
you had told him you were ready a few weeks ago and he told you he wanted to surprise you for your first time
so you've just been waiting
he'd set up a cute little tent in the meadows of the burrow
string up some lights in the trees
plethora of blankets and pillows in said tent
wait i forgot their tents are like huge inside
aW WAIT IT WOULD BE LIKE A WHOLE CUTE LITTLE ROOM
STOP🥺
anyway
he'd have some food
some water
many condoms
he's so excited
oK so the sun would just be setting
and fred says he has something to show you outside
he also knows with a full house no one is going to come looking for you two, but just in case george knows the plan and is there for damage control just in case
so you go out with fred and hes practically skipping and hes all giggly
and you are starting to feel his giddiness so you guys are just this giggly mess together
then he gets to the spot
the sex tent
and it's beautiful
you are blown away
and he is just so happy seeing you happy
so you guys eat a little
talk
have some fun
he will feed you food to be romantic
you will get a grape dropped down your shirt
fun times all around
and then your eyes kinda lock
and his are all crinkly from laughing
his freckles just a bit more prominent in the summer season
you are suddenly hit with this intense feeling of love
how much you are in love with him
how much he's in love with you
and you're sure you've never been more ready than you are right now
fred is feeling floaty
you are looking at him with this look in your
and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy
he'd reach out to cup your cheek, his thumb gently running across your cheek bone
then he'd pull you closer and rest his forehead against yours
your nose would brush and he'd run the tip of his nose along your nose before placing a kiss on it 🥺
you push forward and capture his lips in a kiss
and its on.
he pulls you into his lap
you guys are in heavy a make out
his hands are on your ass
your hands are in his hair
then he pushes you closer with his hands on your butt
the feeling of his hardening cock in his trousers against your clothed clit has you shuddering because jesus christ almighty
you've never felt anything like that before
you whimper into his mouth and fred is sure he's died and gone to heaven
so he does it again
after a few more times youre moving your hips on your own accord
you'd never admit to him that you'd fantasized about this very moment
in this very position
but instead of him it was a pillow you were grinding against
anyway
you guys moved to the bed in the tent
fred pulls away and he's holding your face in his hands so gently and looking at you with so much love
"I need to know that you are completely certain that you want this. I need you to be absolutely sure, love."
"I want this. I want you."
there was no hesitation in your voice
so he'd slowly take off both your clothes making sure that at any given moment he's got more off then you to make sure you never feel uncomfortable or embarrassed
so like if you've got your shirt off, fred has his off two and is working on his pants THEN he'd move your pants
now you are in your bra and underwear
he's in his briefs
and he can't help but take you all in
your skin
your curves
each dip and line
everything about you is just so beautiful
and he's just barely touching you as he's dragging the back of his fingers down from your neck to your belly button just watching as your skin erupts in goosebumps
he's never seen anything so beautiful
i think it was in that moment that he knew, no matter what, he would always be in love with you
all of you
he looks for your approval before reaching behind you and unhooking your bra
when your bra comes off thats when you get the butterflies in your belly
and lets be honest
on the inside
fred's a mess
like he might get choked up
regardless
the tiddies are out
fred leans down and starts to place slow, loving, kisses across the skin of your chest and in the crook of your neck before trailing them down to your breasts
you let out a shaky breath as he takes your pebbled nipple into his mouth
his hand moving to tease the other one
he's sucking and licking the sensitive nub making you breathless
then he'd drag his tongue down to your belly button then just below it before sucking a hickey onto your hip
he'd KISS IT AFTERWARDS TOO 🥺
he'd look up at you silently asking if you were ok and if he could remove your panties
you nod
youre nervous and excited and just ready
so he pulls off your underwear
and suddenly you feel very naked
but you also feel more comfortable than you ever thought you would
because it's fred
and he's your best friend
and he's just so
comforting
and you'd trust him with your life
so its a positive experience
his brings his thumb to rub gently circles on your clit before running two fingers up your slit to collect your juices
you let out a breathy moan as he slides a single digit into your entrance
his head is resting on your thigh placing sweet kisses on the skin as he adds in a second finger
his other arm is hooked around the thigh that his head is resting against, with his hand falling just close enough to your cunt that he can rub slowly, tight circles on your clit
you cum pretty quickly from fred's intense, intimate fingering
and he makes sure to make a show of putting his fingers in his mouth moaning at the taste of your release
he moves up to your lips, pulling you into a kiss
and you can taste yourself on his tongue
and there is something so erotic about it
that has your pussy clenching
ok so he pulls off his boxers and you audibly gulp
he's
l a r g e
and he notices your apprehension
he doesn't want to lie and say its not going to hurt
because in all honesty it might hurt
fred presses a calming kiss to your forehead as he lines himself up with your entrance
"im going to go slow, alright. if at you want me to stop tell me, ok, bunny?"
"ok, i might be bad at this."
"never"
aND HE'D SAY IT WITH SUCH A SWEET SMILE AND THIS LOVING TONE
BECAUSE YOU COULD NEVER BE BAD AT ANYTHING EVER IN FRED'S EYES
ESPECIALLY THIS
BECAUSE HE THINKS YOU ARE LITERALLY PERFECT
AND HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH
anyway
it does hurt a bit
its uncomfortable
you do get a little teary because of the dull burn of the stretch
and fred's heart aches seeing the way your face screws up in discomfort
but after a few minutes
and a few kisses from fred
youre ready for him to start moving
he starts off slow
the pain is starting to dissipate
and it begins to feel really good
like really good
i forgot to mention it earlier but fred IS wearing a condom
back to the story
so pretty soon you guys are enjoying yourselves
fred is kissing on your neck and lips
youre tugging on his hair and letting out breathy moans and whimpers into his ear
you cum a second time before fred spills into the condom
he slowly pulls out
and the feeling of emptiness after he does so is your new least favorite feeling
you are just craving to be near him, to be impossibly close
he pulls you into his side and starts peppering kisses along your hairline
and his fingers are running up and down your back
and hes just holding you so tight
stop🥺
"i love you, bug."
"love y'too, freddie."
your slurred words made it lear to him that you were starting to fall asleep
you guys would have to wake up super early the next morning and sneak back into the house
and you'd both be super giggly and cuddly and just hanging off each other
fred wouldn't want to let you go and would pull you back into him every time you tried to leave and go into ginny's room (where you were staying)
aW then for the next few days you guys just cant keep your hands off each other
and you both are so in love
sHUT UP I LOVE FRED WEASLEY
tags:
@siriusement
@amourtentiaa
@lifeofkaze
@theorangedrummer
@erinruby003
@famdomhideout
@an2402lths
@escapingrealitybyreading
@readyg0erge
@maybesandohnos
@therealhouseelvesofhogwarts
@onlyfreds
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love-takes-work · 5 years ago
Text
When someone toxic needs a friend
I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.
A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:
A criticism I’ve seen: 
Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.
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A perspective I’ve seen: 
LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.
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Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:
The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 
She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 
In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 
Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.
I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 
Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 
It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.
[From the AV Club interview]
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So here are a few things I want to shed light on.
It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.
I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.
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When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.
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But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.
Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.
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Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.
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Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .
He let her leave the garden.
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Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.
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When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.
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But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.
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As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.
Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.
I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 
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I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”
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Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.
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Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 
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But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 
No! 
Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?
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The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 
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She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.
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razorblade180 · 4 years ago
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Interdimensional Moms pt3
Part 2 right here! <-
Team RWBY continue their interesting chat about their respective worlds. After the emotional roller coaster that was Weiss’s, a bit of light hearted stories would be welcomed.
Yang:Okay, does anyone have some real feel good things to talk about for their world? Just run of the mill pleasant life?
Ruby:Guess I’m going last....
Yang:Oh no!
Weiss:We’ll circle back to you then. Blake, I guess you’re up.
Blake:Wouldn’t you want calmer stuff at the end?
Yang:Blake, I would very much like to go at least ten minutes without wanting to cry.
Blake:Hmmmm I can guarantee you like...six I think.
Yang:I’ll take it! Blake Belladonna, tell me about a world where you and Jaune Arc are happily married. How did such stars align?
Blake:You make it sound crazy?
Weiss:Blake, there’s list of people I could see you with. Now I’m not saying Jaune couldn’t be one of them, but he’d have to fight his way up that list.
Blake:You...that’s kinda fair. It’s a bit hard to explain really. It happened back at Beacon initially, or our bonding did. Some days his team was busy and I didn’t tag along for the crazy antics you three wanted to do all the time, so we occasionally bumped into each by circumstances. He’d go to the library for a book, I’d do training and he was there, or sometimes he’d knock on our door and not realize I was the only one around.
Weiss:Was he trying to sing to me?
Blake:That plan did show up at our a few times, yes. One of those times I asked him out of nowhere to sing the song anyways because I just had to know if it was any good. Hehe, it wasn’t sonically pleasing at times, but you could tell it was genuine. Eventually though...he just sort of gave up on you. It was actually a little sad to see, even you thought so. It was strange. Jaune was definitely stumbling through his flirting and it came off as childish, yet the day he gave up, it was easy to see his heart was breaking a bit. Like all his insecurities ate even the faux confidence away.
Yang:Ma’am, it has barely been three minutes and I’m getting sad about thinking of Jaune being sad.
Weiss:Yeah don’t tell me I broke his heart!
Blake:Whoops, sorry. It’s important though. Jaune kinda kept to himself a little more after that. He still chatted pretty regularly but it was easy to tell he dived more in studies as a way to keep his head clear, which lead to us being on a project together. I was the only person in our friend group that wouldn’t actively try to make him open up about how he feeling. At first I thought it was a bit rude when he told me that, but I didn’t room to talk when it comes to socializing.
Yang:One more time for the people in the back.
Ruby:I’m the back.
Blake:*smirks* I was very against socializing about my feelings at Beacon.
Ruby:Yeah you were.
Weiss:I couldn’t even ask if you slept well without a lukewarm answer sometimes.
Blake:I’m better now. That’s all that matters. Romance and feeling love is a personal thing and talking about it is uncomfortable. I think we both recognized that in each other during our project. Trouble is, there’s only so many conversation starters and small talk subjects. Talking only about the project was dry and eventually all the facts a person could say about themselves ran out. Favorite food, color, hobbies, etc. We eventually had to dig a little deeper into those topics. To our surprise, we actually more in common than we thought when it came to how we felt about certain pieces of literature and music.
Ruby:Awwww, bonding over smut.
Blake:*red* It wasn’t all adult literature! Some were poems and stuff. Even when the project ended, we began being less formal around each other and hanging out. We went to the bookstores we mentioned and he even got us tickets to bands I liked. It...it was nice. I never really got to have just a normal teenage experience before without it being political. He always felt bad about being average compared to everyone but average was so foreign to me that I welcomed it. I liked having a normal time out. It was a thing we all took for granted. Especially when Beacon fell.
Yang:Yeah, that probably put a real bind on your relationship.
Blake:Actually....we technically never officially started to date.
Ruby:What? You courted each other all of Beacon.
Weiss:Ruby, who the heck says courted? I’m a Schnee and even I have never used the word courted.
Ruby:Hush, I read a lot of bed time stories to a five year old.
Blake:We were a bit shaky on labels. Me for obvious reasons. As for Jaune, it’s really true about what they say about guys when they get heart broken.
Yang: “Never again.”
Blake:Hehehe, it’s funny to look back at it but he’ll tell you it’s a bit cringy. He was so on gaurd. I could tell all the time when he was mentally telling himself to not be excited whenever we hung out or I complimented him.
Ruby:Hey it takes guts to shift feelings to a teammate of your first crush. That could blow up in your face.
Blake:Yeah...about that. *looks at Yang* you...were another reason why nothing was official. You uhhh, we actually had some jumbled up emotions.
Weiss:*sarcastic gasp* You and Yang, liking each other? Who could’ve seen that coming?
Yang:Was it mutual or...
Blake:Very mutual. Also...intimate at times.
Yang:*red* Oh....yeah. Yeah that tracks.
Blake:That jumbled mess was only more confusing after you got hurt trying to rescue me from Adam. Meeting up with-
Ruby:Question, so was Sun just not on your radar?
Blake:Sun? We’re just friends. He’s cute and I’m glad he was there for me when I needed help but things between us were always pretty calm. I think he noticed how confused I was with other people in my life and chose to not add to it.
Ruby:Bless him. Please continue.
Blake:Learning about Salem and reconnecting with you all was a lot. I’d really been out of the loop and my Yang and I were on....shaky ground.
Yang:That’s what happens when you leave someone who’s been left their entire life.
Blake:Sigh...yeah. It was a trying time, but not with JNPR. It’s funny, Oscar and I also hit it off quite well from the jump. I think we were both glad to have each other learn on the craziness at once. Even with readjusting, Jaune and I fell back into a groove naturally. Instead of doing average things we day dreamed of the things we did. Once again we become this little slice of simple life in this crazy adventure. Still didn’t date.
Weiss:What is this, a slow burn!?
Yang:Weiss, you literally didn’t date your Jaune until Atlas.
Weiss:There’s a difference. I didn’t make any heart eyes at him until around Atlas. I say I may have been a little quick. These two were “courting” for over a year at this point.
Ruby:Stop making fun of me!
Blake:Well anyways, I wouldn’t say much was too eventful in terms of romance with world destroying things happening. Salem, she was way too much to deal with. Every move age did was calculated and unrelenting. Keeping our head above water wasn’t easy. In fact, it was boarder line impossible. Yang and I barely beat Adam after all.
Yang:How’d you two feel about that?
Blake:Relieved. Huge weight off my mind, and yet...a piece of me still wishes things never got so dire. At least now I know that in another world, things aren’t.
Ruby:Sounds like your world was put through their paces? You survived though.
Blake:Not conventionally. I gotta say, hearing the ages and how you beat Salem so far makes me feel more than a little embarrassed. To be frank, we didn’t have this grand battle that involved the entire world making a final stand. We had Atlas, and then we had Haven. With their might and a plan to gain more time, we managed to seal Salem in a vault.
Yang:*chokes on water* Y- cough what!?
Ruby:You put her in a vault!?
Weiss:Thah sounds harder than a last stand honestly.
Blake:No matter what way we looked at things, we just weren’t ready for her, so we locked her away until we were. Two years on constant defense from her followers and grimm until Ruby had trained enough to use her silver eyes and we were all strong enough.
Ruby:Two years!? How old was I then?
Blake:Twenty I believe.
Weiss:Hey, you beat mine by a year.
Yang:Not mine, I think we either tied or just narrowly beat yours by like a year. Honestly it hard to keep track of birthdays and stuff.
Ruby:Wow. No offense to myself, but that’s a little disappointing. I guess being the same person really doesn’t mean we were all at the same level.
Blake:Hey, my Ruby put everything she had into saving the world. There wasn’t a second she wasn’t trying her best to defend it!
Ruby:My point exactly. If that was her at her absolute best then by all accounts, she doesn’t hold a candle to me; at least back then anyways. But I have no reason to believe she would be at my level now.
Yang:Okay little miss prideful, care to tell us when you saved the-
Ruby:Seventeen.
The reaper took a long swig of coffee while the others processed that information. It took a her a couple of seconds to realize she may be acting just a tad bit arrogant.
Ruby:Uhh, sorry. I think I was tooting my own horn a bit there.
Weiss:Seventeen....why so soon?
Yang:Why? Don’t you mean how?
Blake:That’s....almost unbelievable.
Ruby:Really? I don’t think so. I’ll dive into it when it’s my turn but for now all I really gotta say is people needed help, and I was going to answer those cries. I bet your Ruby had a similar urgency in her, but for some reason or another just had different limitations. I got hurt a lot as a kid. Maybe an injury did more damage in one universe than another? Who can say?
Blake:I...wouldn’t know. Odd, I know if my Ruby heard this, then she’d probably be more than a little upset. Saving lives is still what she’s all about. I know when she put everything she had into fighting Salem when the day came. All that training paid off. Her skills were polished and her silver eyes eradicated the grimm essence in Salem.
Ruby:Wait, she’s not dead?
Blake:No. Salem roams Remnant with Oz keeping an eye on her until one day she can finally grasp the lesson the gods wanted her to have.
Yang:That uhhh sounds risky.
Weiss:Yet oddly okay?
Blake:Funny, my Weiss said that too. Those two get checked on in secret. Can’t be too careful. With Salem beaten though, Remnant entered a state of...let’s call it average chaos. All in all, it’s way more peaceful but you know, people will be people. Downside about a secret war is you don’t get the unity of the masses. Atlas and Haven working together was still a great step in the right direction though.
Yang:Woah, I’m a little jealous. My world felt like a race against the clock. The pressure either broke you or made you harder than diamond, with most people crushing under it.
Weiss:Yeah. The tension and meet of extremes I had on the frontlines was beyond imagination. The unity was great, but to feel it on the battlefield against the odds was feeling with way too much adrenaline and stress. Can’t say I enjoyed it. I simply lived through it.
Blake:Well it isn’t like I had a walk in the park. But I guess in comparison, my experience was a tad more mellow. Still, people were lost and hurt. Oscar isn’t himself anymore, don’t have Penny, former classmates and a few enemies turned allies fell in battle. Family.... it took a bunch to get the plan of containing, then it took a lot more to do it. In a way though, the two years of training is time I can’t regret. It tested bonds, strengthening and reestablishing others.
Ruby:I take it since love couldn’t bloom on the battlefield, it bloomed in the training yards?
Blake:*red* You can say that. That’s when Jaune and I got serious. *frowning* But.....
Yang:We fell apart?
Blake:Yeah. I didn’t learn my lesson well enough the first time about the potential problems of dating a partner. Only difference this time was I felt like I was the one being cruel. We had gotten into arguments and apologized more than once. Your fear of being left and my own insecurities just kept butting heads. I’d cry, you’d cry, our friends would be concerned. Then the day came where you put it all on the line. You confessed genuinely how much you loved me and how you felt a bit jealous when it came to Jaune. I had never seen you look so vulnerable; letting your gaurd completely down. And though a piece of me loved you and wanted you in my life for ever....this sense of genuine comfort Jaune gave was something I want-needed for so long. So I did the one thing I didn’t want to do. I broke your heart. I hurt you again.
Yang:Sigh....*leans back in chair* Okay, let’s see how well I know myself. My eyes went red automatically, followed by tears. I lashed out at you angrily out of pain and embarrassment until I was probably blue in the face. But to take make things worse, somebody probably overheard. No matter who it was, I yelled at them too for trying to calm me down and then I eventually run off leaving everyone unhappy. A good old meltdown. Sound about right?
Blake:To the letter. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so distraught.
Yang:Of course not, I’ve never been in love before meeting you. I....did a similar thing with my Blake over the stupid Adam shit. *covers face* of all the things to be similar, it had to be my temper. Please tell me our team didn’t suffer too harshly?
Blake:The good thing about two years of training was it didn’t have to be together all the time. Team RWBY didn’t fall apart, but it didn’t feel comfortable either. Outside of missions, the four of us didn’t hang out as much. It was three at the most. Nobody pinned blame on me or Yang for it but it was obvious.
Ruby:I mean how can you blame someone for feeling sad or not in love with someone? Pointing fingers doesn’t do anything. However, I bet missions were rough.
Blake:Bumblebee was shelved. We did any other team up we could. When push came to shove, Yang and I did put feelings aside. Neither of us wanted our feelings to get anyone killed. That’s probably what kept us connected for awhile, especially with Salem. I don’t think we questioned each other when it came to watching one another’s back. Slowly, our relationship got a bit better. Until....we stopped speaking to each other altogether about a couple years later.
Yang:Wait, why!?
Blake:I got pregnant.
The three listeners’ faces scrunched up and they let in a sharp breath like they just got cut. No one had considered that bombshell.
Blake:Marriage was rough enough. Having Jaune’s kid and starting a family just...cut deep I guess. You didn’t make a scene or anything if that’s what you’re worried about. One day you told me “I just can’t do this” and exited my life. I wanted to keep you close to me, but you wanted to be closer. That was a thing I couldn’t do. Hehe, I can’t tell you how weird it is talking to you like this again.
Yang:So that’s it!? We just don’t see each other at all!?
Blake:Certain events and celebrations have us in the same room, but that’s all. Ruby is the only thing that regularly links us, but she’s busy living life too.
Ruby:Is it a good life?
Blake:The best. You’re the huntress you always wanted to be and a hero to many.
Ruby:*smiles* Really? That’s good. May she ride that high for as long as she can. Though I bet she wished she had a special someone to share that with.
Blake:Huh? Oh, you married Weiss.
Weiss:*red* What!?
Ruby:Aye, nice.
Weiss:Weren’t you upset about thinking of other people with Jaune besides you!?
Ruby:Yeah, but I won’t deny if I am going to be with someone that isn’t him, I’m very happy it’s the other special person in my life. I mean come on, the only reason we don’t get weird in your universe is because I married your brother and you already invited my sister.
Weiss:I mean...it’s mainly the brother portion. The second part...
Ruby:Weiss, that’s weird.
Yang:Eh...
Ruby:IT’S WEIRD! YOU CANNOT TELL ME OTHERWISE!
Yang:*sips coffee* Eh.
Blake:Anyways, Weiss, you’re running your company. The Schnee Dust Company was scrubbed top to bottom to remove as much corruption as possible. No department was overlooked. In times of money, there’s a notable decrease in how much the company used to make.
Weiss:Gee, I wonder if that’s because the other me is doing oh let me guess, paying all their workers and not cutting corners in safety?
Blake:The SDC people approval has gone up considerably, just so you know that too. Turns out people like it when the company they buy from have good morals.
Weiss:Am I happy though? I make time for my social life and hu- I mean wife?
Blake:Yea, you’re happy. In a way I think we’re all happy, but....
Yang:We’d be happier if we were all happy together? Yeah, that’s how it works. You’re only as happy as the most miserable person in a family or group; if you all care about each other that is. Ugh, I wanna punch the other me. I get how she feels but it’s fucking immature to just ignore years of teamwork and family. At the end of the day, team RWBY is a family! Can’t believe I’d runaway from it instead of figuring out...I don’t know! Something!
Blake:*small smile* Well if you feel that way then there’s no reason to believe she doesn’t. My Yang just struggles with it more I guess, but I hope she can come around one day. Not really for my sake, but for her own peace of mind. As well as Lucas’s.
Ruby:Lucas? Your son I take it?
Blake:Mmhmm. My strong and lazy young man. He got his father’s hair but my eyes and ears. I can’t think of a person who warms my heart quite like him. He acts uninterested in a lot of things, but his heart is so big.
Weiss:Ah, so he’s just you?
Blake:More or less hehe. Though I’d say I was passionate about things all my life. Lucas will sleep all day if he could and doesn’t like going out without a reason.
Weiss:Still sounds like you if I’m being honest. Teenager?
Blake:Seventeen, almost eighteen.
Yang:You said he’s need peace of mind too? I’m not...hostile towards him am I?
Blake:No, not by a long shot. On the occasions you two have meant, you were polite. It’s just he knows why you don’t visit or talk to me. That’s rough, knowing your parent’s closest friend stopped being apart of their life because you were born. I think sometimes he believes it’s actually his fault.
Yang:I really, really want to meet this other me and have a few words. She needs to know she isn’t trying hard enough. I’m proof.
Ruby:Yeah, but you’re only well off because the person that helped you get over Blake, was Jaune. Yeah she still can find love, but who that person will be would be uncharted territory for everyone.
Blake:Also I’m not entirely sure exactly if my Yang is even bi like you.
Yang:Sigh....
Weiss:Love.
Blake:Huh?
Weiss:As long as a person shows your Yang genuine love and a place in their heart where she’ll remain forever, Yang would fall for them. They just have to make it a point to make her feel like they’ll stay. Yangs are softies like that.
Yang:Wow, you an expert on me and all the versions of me now?
Weiss:No, you’re just a bleeding heart that’s super emotional. Let me guess, you fell for Jaune the moment you realized just how relaxed and vulnerable you could allow yourself to be around him.
Yang:*red*.......he holds me when I’m overwhelmed.
RWB:Awwww
Yang:Shut up! Blake, take the heat off me.
Blake:Not too much more. Lucas is a smart kid who generally stays out of trouble. Unfortunately, trouble finds him. Mainly because of his semblance.
Ruby:Don’t tell me...
Blake:No no, it’s not bad luck like your uncle, but Lucas can’t always control it so their similar in that regard. Premonitions, that’s his semblance.
Weiss:Like...the future? You child can see the future?!
Blake:Yeah. *sips drink* it’s terrible.
Ruby:What? That sounds so handy! Man, if I could someone fighting me before it happened, I’d be a monster on the battlefield.
Blake:Lucas isn’t a fighter. Well, he’s not aspiring to fight. He can fight, pretty dang well in fact.; but randomly seeing the future is not a gift. Imagine picking up a book and you suddenly know the ending, or watching a movie and you start seeing the middle of it right after you press play?
Yang:Ahhh, that’s why he’s lazy and unmotivated. His semblance is massive spoiler alert. Half the fun of new things is not knowing what will happen.
Ruby:Oof, you have a point. I’d be paranoid to no end.
Blake:To a point, he was. Ever since he was ten. Disasters happen at the drop of a hat. Lucas isn’t the kind of person to watch bad things unfold, so whenever it was possible or even if it was risky, he’d do whatever he could to prevent said disaster. But.....there’s only so much anyone person can do. There’s only so much information he sees. The constant strain and guilt that came from failing ate him up. The. There’s the incidents he’s seen that didn’t show him how it began or how it will end. *rubbing her hands* It’s bad...
Weiss:Hey, I...I’ve noticed your hands and frankly even your face are a bit....slim. Your skin isn’t as colorful as I’m used to either. Almost like it’s regaining color.
Blake:Hehehe.......I guess you were bound to notice of all people.
Weiss:Of course. I may not run a a company in my world but I keep tabs on my brother and have had my fair share of visits to a doctor. Why wouldn’t I notice.
Yang:So can we talk as if there are people who have no clue what’s going on?
Weiss:Blake has had one of two things happen to her. She’s either worked way too hard to the point she’s not taking care of her health, or she’s fallen very ill and her body is still recovering.
Blake:Yeah, it’s more of the second one, but probably because of the first one as well. Forwarding equality, I was overzealous with it. One day Lucas just started shaking and crying when he was twelve and I couldn’t understand why. Turns out he kept seeing me bedridden and unconscious without a reason. Day in and day out he simply cried and tried his best to get another premonition to learn more, but couldn’t. A week later I started feeling a little dizzy, and then blacked out after vomiting. At first I thought maybe I had the flu or something. Nope, a tumor.
Weiss:What?
Ruby:Blake!?
Yang:Oh shit, are you-
Blake:Perfectly fine! *smiles* I’m fine. Liver cancer, but it was caught early. No more tumor what so ever, but the meds and the entire process was really draining. Got sicker a couple of times. Not once did I feel like I was dying necessarily, more like...slipping? I felt myself getting drained. The whole time Lucas was so scared; blaming himself for not preventing this or knowing how to fix it. Though simply knowing he saw me like was a warning most people wish they got. I know I said seeing the future is terrible, but the scariest part through all of this was not knowing how it ended. Choosing medicine, doctors, surgery possibilities, it made me crack under pressure a little. I think he noticed that. I wasn’t sure if I picking an option that lead me dying or getting better. The stress alone may have killed me. Ever since then Lucas hasn’t been so outgoing.
Ruby:....
Weiss:....
Yang....It was already said, but there was no way this wasn’t going to get sad was there?
Blake:Take it from me, there’s joy in pain. So many people came to visit me when I was recovering. Even Yang dropped by for a bit. After I got out, I don’t think Lucas ever hugged me so hard. Jaune tried to stay calm through the whole ordeal but it was rough for him too. He was all but spent emotionally when I came home.
Weiss:I’m surprised Lucas didn’t become an older brother.
Blake:The last thing a recovering patient needs is a pregnancy, but as far as missing me goes...
Ruby:You can stop right there with that tangent.
Yang:We’ll talk about that in private. I wouldn’t mind that story.
Blake:*playfully rolls eyes* These days I try not to over do things. I’ve only officially been deemed completely cured for about a year. I can feel that I’m still not entirely up to strength. It’s fine though. It gives me an excuse for Lucas to dote on me a little. He’s a mama’s boy at heart. My biggest worries these days is peeling him out of this shell his semblance had put him in. At the very least I want him to smile like he used to and find away to live in moment when possible. His entire life is ahead of him. Hopefully he doesn’t see all of it.
Ruby:I guess too much of anything really is bad. Knowledge included. I hope things work out.
Yang:Me too. A happy life is something you definitely earned.
Blake:Thanks. That seriously means a lot, which is why I made sure to not end this on a sour note.
The happy faunus pulled out her scroll to scroll through pictures and her friends eyes lit up. The first one was a beach photo. This Jaune was different from what they were used to. He let his hair grow a little bit longer and the back went down his neck, but it was definitely still him. This jaune was pretty toned and went for a lean look than bulky like Weiss’s, but a tad slimmer. On his shoulders was an adorable toddler with wide amber eyes and big blonde cat ears. Both men were enjoying the sunset on the waves.
The next photo was more recent with Blake right in the middle of hopping into Lucas’s arms. Weiss noticed the girl still had on the hospital bracelet. She must’ve just gotten cleared. Lucas had grown like a weed. He was now roughly Jaune’s height. His hair was messy and looked like Jaune’s in his younger years. Also like his father, Lucas was jacked! His sleeveless purple shirt should off his biceps as they wrapped around Blake’s torso for a hug. His baggy purple shorts had black and gold trim through the seams and the shorts stopped right below his knees; but showed of his well defined calves. A smile of pure joy and what could’ve been a few tears were visible as he looked lovingly at his mother. It warmed all of the ladies hearts. Still, the girls also could tell under his eyes were a little dark. Lucas must’ve been very tired.
The final picture had to be the most recent. It was Blake and Lucas sparring. Both looked at each other with excitement and ease as their wooden blades clashed. Their clothes mirrored one another by being black and white kimonos. They even wore the traditional shoes and everything.
Weiss:Yeah, that’s your kid.
Blake:Damn right. Unfortunately that makes him a little too stubborn. But I guess that’s okay. Without a doubt, someone’s gonna break through that shell of his.
Yang:Oh? It sounds like you already know who?
Blake:Well....I have a hunch.
xxxxx
RING! RING! RING! Lucas’s scroll chirped, in the middle of the night. The boy let out a long, agitated groan of sleepiness as he rolled over in bed; reaching for his scroll on the nightstand to answer.
Lucas:Hello?
???:Did you know you are mathematically more likely to choke on a hotdog than get attacked by a shark?
Lucas:....Serenity, who gave you my number?
Serenity:Your parents, and it’s Serendipity!
Lucas:Too many syllables. Also a bit ironic given who you are. With the way you act though, my name for you is better.
Serenity:Ooooo so we’re moving on to pet names? How forward of you.
Lucas:Five seconds before I hang up. Three...two-
Serenity:You’re late! You promised to guide me around the beach at twelve. That’s now.
Lucas:.....P.M. Twelve P.M. Serenity. Why in the world would I mean midnight!?
Serenity:It’s romantic and personal. Nobody else is around. I thought you were trying to use that Belladonna magic on me by acting all cool and aloof in the moonlight.
Lucas:.....
Lucas:Please delete my number.
Serenity:Not on your life, my whiskered bodyguard!
Lucas:Don’t have whiskers-
Serenity:If you don’t wanna move that butt of yours to hang out with a pretty girl in a floppy hat and sundress with a bikini underneath, that’s your loss. I’m still going for a dip.
Lucas:Do not go in the water when nobody is around.
Serenity:Pfft, I’m a strong swimmer.
Lucas:Sharks.
Serenity:It’s more dangerous to eat a hotdog.
Lucas:Sharks feed at night.
Serenity:Are you trying to tell me the statistics aren’t as reliable just because it’s nighttime.
Lucas:That’s exactly what I’m saying.
Serenity:Then you better move your butt just in case. Either you get a snack or the sharks do. Either way, I get attention.
Lucas:Difference is one wants to eat you.
Serenity:My goodness Lucas, oh brazen of you.
Lucas:......
Lucas:Tell the sharks I said hi.
Serenity:Okay! Byyyyyyeeeee! *hangs up*
Lucas:(She’ll be fine.)
..........
Lucas:*putting on shoes* This is bullshit. Who thinks midnight!? *walking down stairs* Can’t have a peaceful day or night....
Jaune:*watching tv* Hey Lucas, going some-
Lucas:I’m giving out your phone number to a homeless man the first chance I get! *walks out door*
Jaune:.....(Whatever gets you outside more.)
It took about fifteen minutes of aggressive walking for Lucas to wrap around to the back of his house towards their section of the beach. Where Serenity walked around humming and collecting seashells without a care in the world.
Lucas:The next shell you grab will have a crab in it.
Serenity:Huh? Oh hey you’re finally-ahhhh! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!
Lucas:Should’ve listened.
Serenity:Have a better warning!!!! It won’t let go!
Lucas:Pull it off.
Serenity:That’s hurt!!! Lucas, help!
Lucas:Fine, if you delete my number.
Serenity:*sniffling* Stop being mean!!! This really hurts, it’s breaking the skin. Isn’t a young and pretty girl’s tears payment enough!? I thought you were getting paid to-
Lucas:Oh my goodness! Okay, just shush. I’m too sleepy for this.
Serenity:You’re mean when you’re sleepy. At least your waking up voice sounds handsome though.
Lucas:Please....stop. Stop everything. *removing crab* Happy?
Serenity:No, you’re not happy. Also my finger is bleeding.
Lucas:Yep, looks like you can’t go swimming now for real.
Serenity:Eh, I lied anyways. I’m not getting in that water. There are sharks in that watery grave.
Lucas:So. Why. Did. You. Wake. Me. Up?
Serenity:....*red* I...don’t really, have friends here. Besides you. Umm *points to pail and shovels* sandcastles?
Lucas:*inhales*......I’ll get the water.
Serenity:*smiles* Yes! I’ll delete your number later.
Lucas:*red* You....can keep it of you really want.
Serenity:....Kek, okay Mr. Tsundere
Lucas:You can remove the next crab alone.
Serenity:Don’t joke like that! That was a joke, right?
Lucas:Welp that pail isn’t gonna fill itself. *leaves*
Serenity:What!? Lucas!!! You were joking right!? Right!? *looking around the sand* you’re a lousy bodyguard!
Lucas:Good, fire me.
Serenity:I...you....ugh!
Lucas:Cheer up, I’m happy now after all. *smiles*
Serenity:*pouting* This is why I’m a dog person.
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katytheinspiredworkaholic · 3 years ago
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WIP Wednesday
Title: Extraordinary
Pairings: HotchReid (more to come)
Summary: League of Extraordinary Gentleman/Vampire AU;
Within the FBI there is a specialized team full of an elite selection of people. Unique individuals with very particular skill sets. And their job is to take the unusual cases: the ones that need to not only be solved, but are undetermined if the unsub is human, or something else entirely.
In a world filled with Vampires, non-human creatures, and subspecies unknown, there is only enough information to have them vaguely regulated. Rules that are so easily, and violently broken, all while hidden in plain sight among the unsuspecting public. Unrivaled for eons.
That’s where the BAU comes in.
Official Posting Date: October 2021
Links: (Masterpost) (Snippet 01) (Snippet 02) (Snippet 03) (Snippet 04)
(TW/CW: dead body/crime scene, blood and bite wounds talked about in detail, hypnosis/compelling someone to do something against their will, overall discussion of murder (basically what we see in every episode of the show))
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(the story so far/what you need to know for this clip at least: Absolutely nothing you don’t already know, this is legit from the first chapter. Hotch is a Vampire (although the LEOs don’t really know that), Rossi is a priest, Morgan is so empathetically telepathic he can touch the auras in the air, and Reid is Reid. I know I’ve been giving you the juicy HotchReid stuff but here have some case stuff too, to see what you’re in for with the plot and everything. This is FIRST DRAFT so it’s terribly unpolished, first part is generalized POV (hence the more professional titles) and the second is within the team dynamics so they get more familiar. idk my first drafts are messy and indecisive, enjoy anyway. 💕)
They approach the body and Rainer shoos away his pestering, hovering officers and --- winces once again at the sight of the bloodied woman. “This is the third body in two days; a jogger found her about 6 am. Coroner says she thinks she’s been dead for about 6 hours; killed in the middle of the night, just like the others.” 
“Closer to five hours, I think,” Dr. Reid says, crouching down to look closer. All long legs and his gun looking too big on his belt next to his FBI badge. “Could still be within the Witching Hour, though.”
“Do you have accurate time of death estimates for the other two bodies?” Agent Morgan adds on, already picking up the train of thought Dr. Reid has started on. The detective pulls out an old-school flip notebook book and looks through it before answering.
“3:15am the first night, 9:30pm last night and now this.”
“Well that rules out hex, sacrifice, and spell gone wrong,” he concludes, as the other agents surround the body to inspect it from all angles. “So what are we thinking?”
“It’s a frenzied bite,” Agent Hotchner points out, looking from where he stands and not having to get as close as Dr. Reid to inspect it accurately. His eyesight is better than any microscope. “Shows multiple entries, it couldn’t get a good enough hold to rip her throat. Or she struggled, so it wasn’t strong enough to keep her pinned down.”
“The boys think it’s a Vamp,” Detective Rainer points out. “Maybe a baby one, still learning the ropes?”
“Vampire changes are regulated and no sire would allow whoever they turned to do this,” Agent Hotchner says, a colder flint to his voice that matches the way his dark stare cuts up to the detective. “No one has been turned in the United States in the past twelve years.”
“It’s not a Vampire bite,” Dr. Reid agrees, putting on latex gloves to further inspect the body and test the bite radius. “And it’s not a werewolf bite, either.”
“...Werewolf?” the detective says with a winded sound, eyes wide and looking to the three agents who didn’t even blink at the word. “There’s -- there’s such thing as werewolves?” 
“Detective, I think you should let my team and I work, we will come to you with our findings and then help you track down your killer.” Agent Hotchner doesn’t leave room for argument, his dark brown eyes looking pitch black in the early morning light, and Detective Rainer… suddenly feels the overwhelming urge to walk away. Like he can’t breathe if he doesn’t comply; he fights it, tries to fight it, and feels his will crumble beneath him like a sand bank giving way under his feet. He turns, even that small gesture lessening the pressure crushing his chest, and takes a step away from the group, air swept into his lungs like a riptide. He makes a hasty retreat after that, winded as if he just ran up a flight of stairs and the sweet taste of oxygen being his only reprieve. He doesn’t know what happened, and wouldn’t upon further inspection until much, much later.
-
“That wasn’t very nice, Hotch,” Rossi points out with a look of glib reprimand towards their team leader. “I thought compelling feeble minded beat cops was for those who have no skills to avoid it.”
“My patience was running thin, and we need to move faster on this case before our unsub kills again. He’s escalating.” That much is obvious, by the timeline alone, but Father Rossi still gives him a side-ways glance that says he finds far too much amusement in the undead’s antics. “Reid, are you sure it’s not a werewolf bite? It would explain the lack of control and precision.”
“I’m sure,” Reid says with finality, and no one makes a mention on why. He had done more research than any human possibly could in the past few months on werewolf transformation and the after effects of attacks. With what happened to one of their former agents mere months ago, no one doubted his newly learned expertise. “It’s also not a shifter, or a ghoul. We can rule out ghost and poltergeist as well, no residue or temperature shifts.” 
“Demon possession?” Morgan asks, looking to Rossi just as he does his customary Sign of the Cross at the mere mention. Can’t help the gesture, after his own past experiences. Giving anything the power of a name, even arbitrary, can be a dangerous thing. 
“We can’t rule it out,” he admits. “The teeth marks are human, someone possessed would still have a hard time biting that deep and doing that much damage. Cannibalism is only reserved for the amusements of level three demons, however they aren’t usually powerful enough to reach the mortal plane or take possession of someone’s body. They would need help.” 
“You really think someone would weaponize a demon like that?” 
“We’ve seen people do worse things, as has history, but I’d like to hope it wouldn’t happen in my lifetime.” 
“We need more information,” Hotch concludes, arms crossed and watching as Reid stands up and removes the blood stained gloves. “Morgan,” his gaze cuts to the tall man in his deep blue suit. “Can you walk the scene, tell us what you see?”
“Not with this many people around,” Morgan shakes his head, eyes glancing to every person within a twenty foot radius. “Too many readings, the aura field here looks like an oil spill. The only thing I can latch onto is…” his gaze is back on the ground, hovering over the dead woman, who would have no aura to speak of at all and therefore a blank canvas. He replaces Reid’s space, crouching down to touch the air over the bite wound. Fingers spread wide, less than a foot from her but not touching, palm suddenly curving as if over an invisible shoulder, the place where someone had once been not so long ago. It could have been the coroner, or the crime scene photographer, but with it being so close to the body -- chances were it was the unsub.
“They were crouched down, half on the ground, no… human thoughts that I can hear,” he says, closing his eyes and letting his hand glide through the air a little more, following the curve of someone’s spine and up their neck, resting where the head would be. “They have a fever burning them up, hot as a furnace--” he keeps his hand there too long, suddenly jerks it back as if it had physically burned him, then stands up again. Shaking off the aura reading still sticking to his fingers and the forefront of his mind. “Sound like anything you’ve heard of, pretty boy?” 
Reid shakes his head, sharing a glance with Father Rossi. “We might have to go through some of your demonology books.” The older man grins wide.
“You just want to get your hands on them, at this rate you’ll have them memorized by next week.” 
“Dave --” Hotch says slow, a reprimand of his own.
“Fine, fine, I’ll have Garcia send us some scans. If the Vatican knew I was putting a book like that in his hands they’d strip me of all my titles.”
“Didn’t they already do that?” Morgan teases with a grin.
“Ex-communicated. I got to keep the dog collar, the honorifics, bless the holy water, you know -- the party tricks.” 
((if you want to be apart of the taglist just hit me up via comment, reblog tag, DMs or asks 💕))
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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago
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You’re So Golden - The Devil’s Daughter Chapter Eight (Lucifer Morningstar x Daughter!Reader)
[Lucifer-Masterlist], [The Devil’s Daughter-Masterlist]
Previous Chapter / Next Chapter
Summary: Dan had a surprise for you & you were more than thankful for it. But all good things came to an end. Though, you did not think it would be so soon. The inevitable was happening & this time, you had to deal with it all alone.
Words: 1,732
Warnings: language, incident, blood, Amenadiel shows up!, (Y/A) = your age
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
The following days, you noticed Dan distancing himself from you. You did not accompany him to the precinct anymore. Pretty much all you did was sitting in Trixie’s room, contemplating what you did wrong to make Dan act that way. What you did not know, though, was that he was not even realizing that he did not pay that much attention to you anymore. His work was taking all his focus away from you. Finding jobs was a pain in the ass, by the way. It was impossible. They all wanted to know where you were coming from, what you were good at & so on. What were you good at? In heaven, there was not anything you could do. God made sure of that. Oh, you were good at playing board games but apparently that was not what people were looking for on Earth nowadays.
Dan had given you one of his old phones & his old laptop so you could look for jobs & write job applications while he was at work. These devices confused you at first, but soon you got the hang of it & you wondered why you had never had something similar in heaven. Your lonely days would have been filled with more interesting hours.
A ringing sound interrupted your research on your laptop. Looking around, you found your phone being the source of the noise. Grabbing it, you saw Dan’s name on screen. Huh...He had never called you when he was at work. Swiping your finger over the display, you greeted him right after raising the phone to your ear.
“Hey, Dan.”
“(Y/N)! Have you been successful with your job searching yet?”
“Nope.” sighing frustratingly. “Most of them say I’m too inexperienced.” you breathed out. It was not necessarily fair. After all, you did have experience in other stuff. Stuff people could only dream about. Not that you were planning on telling anyone, but still.
“Perfect.” Dan’s excitement could be heard through the phone. Cool, he was happy that you were unsuccessful. Just peachy.
“Rude.” if he were here with you right now, your look would kill him.
“No, no, wait. I didn’t mean it like that.” he stammered. “I asked the Lieutenant & he said if you’re interested you could be my personal assistant.” Dan finished & waited for your respone.
“You need a personal assistant?” a short laugh escaped you. He joined you in briefly before answering.
“I don’t but you need the money.” Dan reasoned. Well, you could not argue with him, he had a point.
“Fair enough.”
“We’ll talk later today when I come home, alright?” you nodded but he obviously could not see it. Bidding your goodbyes, you ended the phone call. Maybe Dan was not distant. Maybe he was just trying to get you a job.
It was still early afternoon so you had some time to kill. Residing in a kid’s bedroom when you, yourself, were (Y/A) years old was not necessarily convenient. Browsing the entire house would be rude, right? Well, you could take a shower. If you were to start your new job tomorrow, at least that was what you hoped, you could make sure your appearance was on point.
Walking into the bathroom, you locked the door after you. Maybe you were growing paranoid, you were alone after all. Better safe than sorry, though. After ridding yourself of your clothes, you could feel a bad migraine coming. Oh no. No, no, no. Shit, you had not thought of this. There was a difference between migraines & simple headaches. Headaches, you could deal with. Migraines, on the other hand…well, you could not. Not alone at least. The pain felt similar to someone wanting to crush in your skull. The worst part of it was that you knew this pain was nothing compared to what you were about to eperience. Your hands held your head tightly, trying to avoid the inevitable. The bathroom was big enough, you would not damage anything. Good, so Dan would most likely not find out. You wanted to keep it that way.
A loud scream echoed through the room & you were surprised that your voice could reach this volume. Hopefully, it was not that loud to grab the neighbors’ attention. A look in the mirror gave away what you were expecting. Golden wings were surrounding you. All the years in heaven had taught you to hate your wings. Yours were different. Not black like the ones from the other angels. And definitely not soft. No, yours were sharp. So sharp, they cut open your back each time you were showing them. Hence why you had tried controlling to keep them hidden. Sometimes, little things triggered you & you had to let them show, as much as you hated it. You could feel liquid running down your back & the cuts that the wings caused burned a lot. Tears were streaming down your face. It had not happened in so long, you were confused why it was happening now. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes & focused solely on your wings. Needing to retract your wings, you braced yourself for another wave of pain. This time, you only let out a wince. Shit, usually Michael, sometimes even Gabriel, helped cleaning & bandaging your wounds. But they were not here. And you had never done it yourself. Trying to get a look at your back through the mirror, you were shocked to say the least. It looked bad. Really bad. The cuts seemed deeper than usual. You hated looking at them. You hated the old, faded scars adorning your back even more, though.
Still, you decided to step into the shower. The warm water reached your wounds & you winced at the burning sensation. You had to think of a way to treat the cuts somehow. If you did not, Dan might find out & then it would lead to questions you were not ready to answer. Could not answer, actually. Because he would send you to an institution for lunatics. It was times like this when you wished Michael was here. Just for a while, so he could help you out.
When you finished your shower, you did not wrap a towel around your body. You would not risk getting blood on one of Dan’s towels. Rummaging through the cabinets, you were more than happy when you found what looked like a first aid kit. Trying to mimic what Mike had done many times, you began treating your wounds accordingly. It was a pain in the ass, though. Your arms were not long enough to reach every single cut but you did your best. It took you almost an hour & a lot of frustration but your back was cleaned & bandaged. You wondered if Michael would be proud of your work…
Chloe had brought you some of her old clothes over so you did not have to spend money on new ones. Pulling on something comfortable that you had brought with you in the bathroom, you looked yourself over once again. The shower managed to calm you down a bit & you were surprised when you found your eyes neither red nor puffy.
After spending way too much time in the bathroom, you were shocked when you still had some time left before Dan would be home. Grabbing your laptop, you sat down on the couch in the living room, trying so your back would not touch anything. It still hurt a lot. It usually did even days after such an incident. So once again, you had to play pretend in front of Dan. You were getting quite good at that, if you were honest. Before Dan came home, you could browse the internet for a while. What else would you be doing?
Your eyes shot towards the front door when you heard keys unlocking it. Sweet, Dan was home. Now you could talk about your job, if you could call it that.
“(Y/N)? I’m home.”
“Hi Dan.” smiling sweetly at him from where you were sitting.
“Exciting day?” he asked after pulling off his jacket & shoes. You gulped at that.
“Same old.” chuckling to hide how uncomfortable you were. “You?” oh, nice. You pulled a uno reverse card. Mentally, you were patting your own shoulder for coming up with that. It was better to shift the attention to Dan.
“Well, I got you a job which is pretty damn cool of me, might I add.” the both of you laughed at that. That was feeding his ego for sure. “But besides that, it was rather quiet at the precinct.” you nodded at him.
“Oh & Amenadiel is coming over in a bit. He needs help with his baby.” Dan walked into the kitchen, grabbing ingredients for a fast meal he could cook for you & his friend who would pay him a visit.
“Amenadiel? What’s up with the names around here?” you asked, laughing at how weird people from LA were. You joined Dan in the kitchen & asked him if he needed any help. He gave you a task & immediately, you got to work.
Working on a meal together was faster than you thought & after you set the table, there was a knock on the door.
“I got it.” yelling at Dan who was changing in his room because he did not want to stay in his work clothes any longer. Opening the door, your eyes firstly fell to a baby sitting in a man’s arm. Then your eyes wandered up & you gave the stranger a welcoming smile. This had to be Amenadiel.
“Hi! Come in, Dan should be ready in a few.” you motioned for him to step inside but your smile slowly faltered when you noticed the look on his face. You could not quite pinpoint it but it sure left you uneasy.
“Hello.” his monotone voice was heard after a few moments of silence.
“Right, um, I guess you know your way inside.” you coughed & walked away quickly, trying to avoid more awkward conversations with this man. There was something about him…He stood in the doorway for a few seconds & watched you walk away. You were different. He did not know how but you were. And you were in Dan’s house. What were you doing here?
~to be continued~
Next Chapter
Published (04/05/2021) by Cathy
Tags: @fandomqueen2003, @natashaashleymarvelromanoff, @severewobblerlightdragon, @tenderlyunlikelyexpert, @zoseph, @suffering-canucks-fan, @dad-ee-drea, @xbarrjallenx, @marvelofwitch, @aceofspace95, @julessbrown, @thevelvetseries, @kotkaniemi-caufield-mom, @crumpets-are-better-with-jam, @strangewhovian-blog, @officialfictionalwreck, @peachescream06 (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)
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viviae · 5 years ago
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The Red Plague: An Analysis
Ok, I’m to preface this that I am not at ALL a student of medicine or science I am just a humble blogger who really likes diseases, literary analysis, and the science behind death. This will also be a STUPIDLY long post so I am letting you all live by putting it behind a readmore this time
This goes without saying but there is a content warning to this. I’m talking about death, stages of decay, rotting, corpses, vomit, and other gross medical stuff. There will be NO images however. I subjected myself to viewing those images and I will not condemn you all to view them. 
I’m going to start this off making sure everyone is on the same page and post an image from the art book about the Red Plague itself
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So let’s start with the canonical facts about the plague first
Average life expectancy was 3-7 days once symptoms show, Averages are also liars which means it could’ve taken a little bit more than 7 days or under 3 days to die. 
Spread by the plague beetles, exact method of transfer is unknown but Julian was force fed one and contracted the plague however they are safe to keep in containment.
Plague beetles also infected nonhuman objects like the water supply which is shown as a thick ichor. This ichor no longer possesses infectious properties at the time of the story
Julian believed that it had to do with a corruption in the blood hence the usage of leeches 
The Lazarus started as a containment center before becoming a crematorium, meaning people believed that it was spread from contact or things like that
HOWEVER This is not the first appearance of the plague as it would show up at locations Lucio stayed for too long but no note if it spread from these locations. 
It’s not a disease, its a curse.
So, this is one nasty plague on our hands. Most diseases that are this lethal would never be able to spread as much as it did unless it could spread from corpse contact or through other means like a carrier. I think that it could be spread through a combination of both which would add an additional need for cremation. 
Corpse Disposal & Spreading
Historically during plagues you would simply toss bodies into mass graves or ‘plague pits’. This would be, substantially, easier than what they do in Vesuvia. Cremation is not an easy process and is an art form. The heat needed for a cremation alone is incredibly hot and needs special methods to be contained. Not to mention the tedious cleaning process to make sure ashes don’t damage the heat element. So you are telling me that Vesuvia... went through the process of rowing away their dead to the middle of a lake to do mass cremations because it was the easiest? Yes they would’ve run out of grave space a while ago but no one is saying they can’t go make a plague pit out in the woods for half the work.
Now granted, I understand the imagery of making Asra wade through bodies of rotting corpses to find the apprentice’s bloated corpse is uh,,, graphic. Or making us stumble upon an open plague pit of bones in the woods with you LI is not what most people call romantic. (you’re welcome for that image) So they could’ve just made mass cremations on a separate island for tone reasons but that’s BORING.
Not a lot of diseases are actually capable of surviving in dead body simply because when we die our bodies lose the necessary high heats for them to multiply and survive. But this isn’t a disease in a traditional sense, its a curse to Lucio. And this is Lucio we are talking about, some one who is famously afraid of death and dying, which was grafted by a demon of pestilence who is obsessed with worms (cough maggot symbolism and death by disease cough). So I propose that the plague is spread in addition to plague beetles but by dead bodies themselves. This would put additional pressure on proper corpse disposal and the need for cremation. This fact would also explain why plague doctors were present at the boats leading to the Lazarus instead of simple plague carters (rowers?) as doctors would probably have to keep a closer eye on proper disposal of bodies.
As for how I think the beetles themselves spread the plague, I think it’s probably in a similar way as to how Lyme Disease is spread. I can’t name any disease that is spread by beetles themselves off the top of my head but ticks are pretty similar to beetles (I am not an entomologist). Lyme disease is spread by infected ticks biting into the hosts skin and regurgitating its stomach contents that includes the bacterium for the disease. 
This would explain why Julian got the plague pretty awful real quick. He consumed all of the plague beetle’s contents and Lucio didn’t have to try and force a beetle to bite Julian, which would’ve given Julian time to fight back. This is also working with the fact Lucio got bit by a plague beetle when running from Morga in his tale. He most likely contracted the plague, or perhaps he contracted the curse then and later on got re bit, in that bite. This would also explain the ichor that infects the water in the south end. Beetles are significantly larger than ticks, and so they might have a need to empty their stomach contents more and its more waste produced. 
Symptoms and Inspirations
The Red Plague is obviously, influenced by the Bubonic Plague in terms of symptoms and Tuberculous in treatment. I will list some of the common symptoms of Black Plague and signs and be comparing these to the Red Plague. I cannot stress enough that I do not have any knowledge in medicine but I don’t think the dev’s are all doctors so we are on even ground.
There are generally speaking three types of plagues; Bubonic (Most common type of The Black Plague and mainly targets your lymphatic system), Pneumonic (When the Plague enters and infects the lungs), and Septicemic (When the plague enters the blood stream, either form can lead to Septicemic)
Bolded Symptoms are what are obvious symptoms the Red Plague has taken from these three variations of plague. Italic is Lucio specific. 
High Fevers
Chills
Headache
Muscle Pain
Weakness
Seizures
Swollen black lymph nodes known as Buboes (Bubonic)
Internal Bleeding (Septicemic)
Gangrene (Septicemic)
Shock (Septicemic)
Vomiting Blood (Bubonic & Septicemic)
Coughing Blood & Mucus (Pneumonic)
Shortness of breath (Pneumonic) 
The Red Eyes
By far the most obvious symptom of the plague and its trademark. Consider this the equivalent of Buboes to the black plague. This is the first obvious symptom that marks you for dead and probably one of the first symptoms to show after a possible resting phase. 
Apparently it takes each eye individually as seen with Julian or it may not take both? The stage we see Julian in isn’t the clearest but I’m assuming he was rather early on with a pretty serious case. 
It’s also a debate of what exactly is going on with the red stringy bits under neath the eyes. For the sprite models it appears to be veins under the eyes that have been aggravated. While in the concept art above it has a more liquid and viscous look which is probably blood. And in Julian’s CG of him dying of the plague he has no marks around his eyes. So I’m saying its a fun combo of all of the above.
Essentially I think that the plague is causing the blood vessels in the eyes to pop and do serious damage. There can also be a foreign growth to occur behind the eyes or just magical nonsense, doing additional damage to the veins surrounding the eyes and cause bleeding from putting stress on the veins. 
The Arms and Lower Extremities
Ok, remember how I talked about Lucio’s fear of death and how its incredibly likely that the plague is manipulating his fear? In death there are various stages of decay, and different functions occur at each stage. And one of these functions is Livor Mortis. 
Livor Mortis is when your blood cells rupture out of your veins and die. These dead blood cells sink down to your body based off of gravity where they settle. This is seen as a purple color on the skin based on gravity, normally the back. This can be disrupted by any disruption to the body, but depending on time you are likely to receive lighter marks based on its previous position. 
What I think is going on all over the body is veins are rupturing and the body is going through an extreme form of living Livor Mortis. Just that it’s in red and not purple because this is the “Red Plague” and not the purple plague. And due to the patients still being alive when Livor Mortis is occurring it simply pools into the extremities instead of one specific location, with the fingers and bottom of the foot being the most severe. To add to the veins popping suddenly the subtle bruising through origin points to where the red vein-y look begins remind me of my own experience of having four veins burst in my arm. 
Julian had reason to believe he could use leeches to treat the plague and in typical plague doctor fashion of “They were right but not exactly” he was on the right track! Using leeches to drink the settled and dead blood would be beneficial to the patient. As likely leaving these areas to accumulate dead blood would put it at serious risk of rot, since maggots first grow on open wounds and areas affected by Livor Mortis. 
Julian might not have been curing the plague but what he was probably doing is preventing a lot of people from developing gangrene and needing amputations. A beneficial skill for a previous combat medic to utilize and what might have drawn additional attention to him. Julian’s uses of leeches could also explain why Lucio does not have any of these red marks since Julian is his personal doctor and Lucio would spare no expense for his treatment. 
Lucio’s Unique Symptoms 
Portia’s route mentions that due to Lucio’s longer surviving time he developed unique symptoms. We don’t know much details about this besides he was extra miserable and was confined to his bedroom most the time. From my provided list above I think that generally speaking the Red Plague is a combination of Bubonic + Septicemic plagues.
However, Pnuemonic plagues were considered especially deadly, but rarer. Lucio is described as having a cough when he has the plague and generally a wheezy voice. It wouldn’t be odd to think the plague had spread into his lungs due to the increase longevity he had. 
There is a dramatic irony in Lucio losing his lungs to sickness as well. Morga tells us about how when Lucio was very young he almost drowned and that instilled a fear of death in him at a young age. He’s also a man with a lot of stamina who can run in the freezing cold carrying a fully grown apprentice on his shoulder or run away from Morga who also possesses a lot of energy. Lucio has trained his lungs to be stronger more so than the average person, and now with his downfall he loses them. 
It goes along with his general want of having a new body as well. You can rebuild muscle mass although hard, but recovering from illnesses that target your lungs? You’ll almost never get back to the same degree you previously were. 
The imagery of the dead is also present in the animal itself used to spread the plague. Although the beetle comes from Lucio’s tribe, beetles play a role in decomposition. Beetles like to come after the body has been nearly completely rotten, after the maggots and wasps consume most of the dead flesh beetles come in and eat the scraps. Beetles are also used in skeletonizing items, one example I think of off my head is a man who had his amputated foot skeletonized by beetles for keeping.  So these beetles are coming in and spreading a plague that forces the body to go through stages of decay while living, for their own food. Just like Lucio’s tribe came in and slaughtered other tribes for their own need to eat.
The plague was handcrafted to torture Lucio for his inability to finish his end of the deal. That’s why it uses imagery of dead bodies, it steals Lucio’s lungs from him, and why even the dead can cause severe damage. 
Of course this is all my own theory and analysis of the plague but thank you for reading all of this. 
3K notes · View notes
howtosingit · 4 years ago
Text
Fic: Ice in My Veins, Fire in My Heart
An unexpected, once-in-a-lifetime ice storm in Austin leads to a chaotic day for Carlos and the 126. 
*
Written for @911giftexchange | For @charlie-bradburyss
6K | Also on AO3
A/N: Happy Holidays, Holly! I hope this fulfills all of your “tarlos + fire fam/found family + hurt/comfort (emphasis on the hurt)” wishes. May the New Year bring you all the love and light that you deserve! 
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The thing is, no one’s really expecting Austin to be pummeled by a once-in-a-lifetime freak ice storm.
Though rare, it’s not unheard of for the Texas panhandle to get hit by the southern tip of major storm systems that move across the Midwest, but Austin is typically too far south to really experience that kind of intense winter weather. Sometimes, they’ll have icy nights that lead to dangerous morning commutes, but that’s mostly because the majority of Austinites aren’t experienced with driving on ice-covered roads. There’s always a surplus of vehicular accidents to respond to on those mornings.
But, this is way more than that.
When TK first looks out the kitchen window, he has to do a double-take to confirm what he’s seeing, his coffee burning the back of his throat as he swallows quickly in shock. Every single inch of the world outside is covered in a shimmering layer of ice - every tree branch and leaf, every fence post and door handle; individual blades of grass find themselves trapped inside a shell of frozen water, and the back patio has turned into a miniature ice skating rink, complete with furniture coated in long, thin icicles.
He takes a moment to admire the ethereal beauty of a rare, wintery Austin, how the early morning sunlight dances across the rooftops of the neighboring houses. Then, realizing what all this ice is going to mean for the rest of his day, he glances down at his watch, cursing when he realizes what time it is.
“Babe!” he calls, grabbing two thermoses from the cupboard. He transfers his coffee into one, then fills the other. “Move faster, we’ve gotta get to work!” He quickly preps Carlos’s coffee the way he knows he likes it, then grabs a few protein bars for each of them to eat on the way to work. “Babe!” he calls again when he doesn’t hear anything from the bedroom.
“What the hell are you yelling for, TK? We still have an hour before our shifts,” Carlos gripes as he comes around the corner, uniform already on and shoes in hand. He gives TK a look of mild annoyance, his signature sass on display, and TK honestly adores him even if he is being obtuse at the moment.
Instead of answering, TK just points out the window, watching as Carlos takes in the icy spectacle, his eyes widening as his jaw drops. “Wow,” his husband breathes out, clearly in awe. Then, having the same realization that TK did, he glances down at his own watch. “Oh, fuck.”
“Yeah, I thought you might say that,” TK laughs, moving towards the hall closet to grab their coats. He reaches towards the back, finding the ice scraper that Carlos kind of made fun of him for buying a few years ago. 
“You made me coffee?” Carlos asks when he reappears, holding his green thermos.
“Of course I did.”
“Have I mentioned that I really love you?” his husband questions, pulling on his coat.
“If this is your way of apologizing for getting sassy with me, I’m going to need you to work a little harder, babe,” TK jokes, sliding up next to him and raising his chin. Carlos rolls his eyes, a smile pulling at his lips as he ducks down to press their mouths together in a gentle kiss.
“How about I give you a ride to work?” Carlos suggests, still close enough that his lips drag against TK’s as he speaks.
“That’s a very sweet offer,” TK says, staring into his husband’s twinkling brown eyes, “but you were going to do that anyway.” Carlos’s police cruiser drives better on ice, so he always drives TK to work if there are hazardous conditions. “Try again.”
“How about,” Carlos starts, his voice going deeper as he trails his lips along TK’s jaw and up to his ear, “I drive you to work now, and then when we get home later, I run you a bath to help warm you up?”
TK hums, his heart rate picking up. “Make it a bath for two, and I’ll consider all of your indiscretions forgiven.”
Carlos huffs out a laugh, moving to press another kiss to his lips. “You are quite the negotiator,” he says, stepping away and grabbing two protein bars off the counter. “I accept your terms.”
The drive to work takes twice as long as usual, Carlos driving as carefully as possible through Austin towards the fire station. The roads seem somewhat deserted, and TK wonders if most people got stuck in their driveways before they could get far enough to cause mayhem in the streets. For the most part, the ice seems to be sticking around longer than it usually does. Carlos pulls to a stop outside Ladder 126. 
“See you later?” TK asks, leaning over the console to give him another kiss.
“Probably sooner than that, I’d guess,” Carlos says, knocking their foreheads together gently, the way he always does when they’re saying goodbye at the start of a workday. TK smiles, reaching for the door and climbing out onto the slick pavement. “Be careful out there.”
“You too, officer,” TK responds, giving him a wink before closing the door. He turns, heading into the station to being what will no doubt be a non-stop day.
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Carlos is right. 
Almost immediately after his husband texts him that he made it safely to the police station, they’re called out to an accident on Lakewood Drive. When they arrive, TK spots Carlos in the distance, directing cars to use an alternate route.
A large semi-truck takes up the middle of the bridge, the trailer sitting nearly perpendicular to the tractor section. It still seems to be standing upright, so TK doesn’t immediately understand what accident they’re responding to.
“Officer,” his dad calls when Carlos spots them and starts moving their way, careful on the patches of ice that still remain on the bridge. “What’ve we got here?”
“Semi swerved a bit on the ice into the lane of oncoming traffic. Passenger car coming from the north then swerved to avoid it, completely lost control on the ice, and hit the guardrail on the passenger side,” Carlos reports, pointing in the direction of a mangled section of the barrier. “Car flipped and slid down the embankment.”
“How many passengers?” his dad clarifies, and TK can tell the way he tenses, his brain already working on a plan of action.
“Just the driver, an adult woman,” Carlos answers, his breath visible in the cold morning air. “My partner made it down to her and she’s responsive, but definitely stuck.”
“Okay,” Owen says, turning to face his team, jaw tight. “Jaws of life, everyone down. Medical will be here in a minute, let’s try to have her out for them.”
There’s a near-collective nod from all of them, but before they can move, they hear a crash in the distance. Turning, TK watches as the line of traffic becomes a danger zone of its own when an approaching car is unable to stop before it runs into the car ahead of it. Like, dominoes, the line begins to splay, cars trying to move to avoid being hit. 
“Damn,” his dad sighs, shaking his head. “Change of plan. Ryder, Strickland, Strand-Reyes, you’re down with the jaws of life. Marwani and Chavez, let’s see if we can keep things from getting worse up here.”
TK follows Judd and Paul to the truck, grabbing everything that they might need. As they head towards the damaged guardrail, he passes close to Carlos, nudging him in the side. 
“Have I ever told you how much I love to watch you work?” he says, giving his husband a wink as he moves past him. Carlos follows after him, laughing softly.
“TK, for God’s sake, will you stop flirting with your husband for one day,” Judd cries, and TK looks over to find him smiling at him, his eyes dancing with mirth. 
“Now, come on, Judd,” Paul adds, his tone teasing. “They’re just being newlyweds.”
“Newlyweds?” Judd scoffs, rolling his eyes. “They’ve been married for two years!”
“Oh, wait, you’re right,” Paul says exaggeratedly, like he’s just remembered. He turns back to TK and Carlos, now walking side-by-side, his face morphing into a look of disgust. “Stop being so in-love, it’s getting weird now.”
TK huffs out a fake laugh, his breath swirling through the air as he sticks his tongue out at his friends. They reach the top of the embankment, looking down at the wreckage. The car still seems to be pretty intact, so TK is hoping this won’t be too bad. He feels a solid hand on his back, turning to find Carlos looking at him, his face serious.
“Don’t do anything reckless down there, or I will arrest you,” he jokes, beginning to walk away.
“On what grounds?” TK gasps, his jaw dropping.
Carlos pauses, his eyebrows furrowing as he thinks about it. “Trying to give me a heart attack before I’m 35,” he finally decides, shooting TK a wink before leaving them to go help with the traffic pile-up.
It’s slow-going, but TK, Paul, and Judd finally make it down the hill to the overturned car. Paul moves over to the window, speaking to the woman, while TK and Judd set down their bags. From what he can see, it looks like it’ll be a pretty straightforward removal.
They’re just prying the door open when his dad radios that medical has arrived. TK moves back to one of his bags over by the bridge, looking for more gauze to press to their patient’s shallow head wound, when there’s a loud crack to the right. He looks over, watching as a somewhat large icicle drops from the bridge and shatters onto the frozen creek below. Looking up, he watches another icicle detach itself and rapidly fall to the ground. 
“Shit,” he says, jerking to the side to avoid another one. He feels his feet slide out from under him, unable to gain traction on the ice, and before he knows it, he’s falling flat on his back, his head slamming hard against the solid ground beneath him.
His vision swims, pain coursing through him. His stomach turns, and he feels like he’s going to be sick. He closes his eyes, trying to breath. He thinks he hears a voice in the distance, maybe Paul or Judd calling to him, but he can’t make it out. There’s another loud crack from above, and he opens his eyes just in time to watch a rather large icicle grow larger as it flies towards him.
Pain bursts from his abdomen as he lets out a gasp, his vision swimming once more as his body tries to handle all of the trauma it’s currently experiencing. He clenches his jaw tightly, refusing to let out a yell. He can handle this, he’s done pain before. Between a gunshot and falling through the floor of a house and then falling off the roof of a house just last year, he can handle this. It’s no big deal, so he’s not going to make it one.
He lifts his head, blinking to clear his vision. There are voices around him, fuzzy shapes moving in his peripherals, coming closer. He ignores them, instead looking down towards his stomach. The sight causes him to gasp again, the pain coming back full force now that he has eyes on the source.
There’s an icicle buried inside of his abdomen.
From what he can see, it looks to be as round as his fist and about two feet long, the top of it gleaming threateningly in the sunlight, almost as if it’s proud of itself for the damage it’s just done.
“Fuck,” TK moans, lowering his head as Paul and Judd finally reach his side. He still can’t hear what they’re saying, so he just looks up at the clear blue sky instead. A thought pops into his head, almost making him laugh.
Carlos is totally going to kill him for this.
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Sometimes, Carlos really hates living in Texas.
Well, that’s an oversimplification. It’s more that he hates the kind of stereotypical attitude that many straight men from Texas possess. The kind of “I’m built Texas tough” mentality that leads to reckless, dangerous, and truly annoying behavior. The kind of attitude that causes a fully-grown man responsible for a six-car pile-up to scream in his father-in-law’s face about how stupid and moronic everyone else is, including the firefighters currently fixing the mess he’s made, forcing Carlos to handcuff him and stick him in the back of his cruiser just so that they can all get a moment of peace. 
“Did you see the size of that vein in his neck?” Mateo asks as they move from car to car, making sure that everyone’s okay. “I thought he was going to collapse or something, his face was so red.”
“TK’s gonna be so upset that he missed you wrestling him to the ground,” Marjan pipes in from his other side, elbowing him in the ribs. Carlos just rolls his eyes, shaking his head.
“You know that’s not a turn-on for him, right?” 
Marjan scoffs. “Sure, okay, I definitely believe that.”
Captain Strand approaches the three of them, effectively ending the conversation. “No one’s injured in those three cars, so I told them all to sit tight until the tow truck gets here. We may be able to help them once we’ve got the driver down there stabilized.” They all nod in agreement. “Marjan, Mateo, why don’t you keep making the rounds, keep people from trying to get out of their cars. We don’t need any unexpected accidents or falls.” The two firefighters accept their orders, moving away. “You’ve got someone directing traffic further down the road?” Owen asks Carlos.
“Yeah, at Lakewood and Carpenter,” Carlos says, pointing in that direction. “We shouldn’t have any traffic through here from now on.”
Before Owen can respond, they hear a sound from the bridge. They both turn to see the ambulance arrive and begin to walk towards it, eager to fill Michelle and her team in on what’s happening. At his side, Owen radios to his team that medical has arrived and will be down soon. 
They’ve just made it onto the bridge, Michelle already making her way towards them, when they hear a shout from down below. They both freeze, trying to listen, but then can’t make out the words. Then, Owen’s radio crackles to life, Judd’s voice coming through, his words rushed.
“We need medical down here ASAP, I’ve got a firefighter down.”
Carlos feels the blood rush from his face, his heart slamming into his ribcage. He shares a look with his father-in-law, and it’s clear that they both know who Judd’s talking about.
“Talk to me, Judd. What’s going on?” Owen says, already heading to the edge of the bridge, Carlos following right behind him. 
He stops short when his eyes land on the scene below. He doesn’t even need Judd's report to confirm what he’s seeing. At the bottom of the embankment, almost under the bridge itself, he sees TK laying on the ground, unmoving, a giant shard of ice sticking out of his midsection.
He doesn’t even think before he takes off down the slope, moving as quickly as he can without falling.
“TK!” he shouts, not even sure if the other man can hear him. He finally gets to the bottom, rushing over to his side. “TK!”
Paul moves aside, allowing him to kneel down by his head. He takes his face gently in his hands, watching as TK’s eyes blink dazily, his pupils unfocused and his mouth slack. 
“Nobody jostle him,” Michelle yells, and Carlos looks up to find her and her team closing in. “We don’t want that thing to shift an inch. Paul, hold it steady for me if you can.”
Carlos stares down at the two-foot icicle currently buried in his husband’s gut. Every time TK breathes, it pulses, almost threatening to fall over. Paul reaches out and wraps his hands around the top, keeping it vertical.
“What happened?” Michelle asks, kneeling on TK’s other side as she assesses the situation.
“He slipped on the ice and fell, then the icicle came down on him before he could move out of the way,” Judd explains. 
“He might have a concussion from the fall,” Michelle mutters, moving to shine a light in TK’s drooping eyes. “Seems likely. Rosewater, take over for Paul, Gillian, see if you can stabilize our patient in the car over there. Carlos,” she says, and his eyes snap up to look at her. “I need you to talk to him okay, try to keep him awake and responding. He could go into shock at any minute, and that’s not going to help us.”
He nods, ducking down to press his face closer to the one that he gets to wake up to every day. “Hey, baby,” he says softly, stroking TK’s forehead. “Hey, it’s me. Can you open your eyes for me? Just open your eyes for a minute, okay?”
TK moans, his eyes blinking rapidly a few times before he opens them enough for Carlos to see those green irises that he loves so much. “Carlos?” he mumbles.
“Yeah, hey, it’s me, I’m right here,” Carlos says, his voice a little unsteady as he tries to stay calm. “How are you feeling?”
“Cold,” TK mutters, his breath creating wisps of steam in the air above him. 
“Any pain?” Carlos asks, his eyes shifting down to glare at the icicle for a moment. 
“My head hurts,” TK admits, letting out a small gasp. 
“Anywhere else?”
TK shakes his head, his eyes darting everywhere.
“That’s probably the adrenaline,” Michelle interjects. She stands up, surveying the bridge above them. “I’m worried his body heat’s going to start melting that icicle faster than we want it to. We’ve gotta get him up there.”
“I don’t think we can get him up the slope without jostling him too much, there’s too much ice,” Tim says. 
Michelle turns to Owen, her face grave. “Get the ladder ready, Captain, we’re gonna have to lift him.”
With only a quick, wide-eyed glance down at his son, Owen shoots back up the hill, Judd following him. Off to the side, Carlos sees that Paul and Nancy have managed to remove the driver from the vehicle.
“Carlos?” TK says, and he quickly looks back down at his husband, running his thumbs along his cheek. 
“Yeah, Ty, I’m right here,” Carlos assures him, his bottom lip wavering. 
“I’m a little scared,” TK admits, his eyes glassy as he stares up at him. “It looks pretty bad, doesn’t it?”
“You’re gonna be okay, cariño,” he says, his voice hard and clear. 
“You look scared,” TK tells him, raising a hand to touch Carlos’s mouth.
“I’m not scared, I promise,” Carlos lies, leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’m never scared when I’m with you.”
TK doesn’t respond. He just stares up at Carlos, eyes still unfocused, a wide smile taking over his face. 
Minutes later, the team loads TK up on a stretcher with no major problems, and for one shining moment, Carlos thinks everything’s going to be fine. 
He climbs up the embankment as fast as he can to meet him at the top, Michelle at his side. She’s telling him that she’s called for another medical team to come for the driver, who thankfully doesn’t appear to be in critical condition, when they hear a shout from Tim.
“Damn it,” Michelle says, running towards where TK’s stretcher is now laying on the pavement. Carlos follows, his heart back in his throat, and the sight that greets them nearly causes him to collapse. 
“Tim, apply as much pressure as you can,” Michelle says, throwing her hands on TK’s abdomen, blood rushing from where the icicle has shifted. “We have to get him in the van, we’ll have a better chance of stabilizing him there.” 
Carlos watches as TK’s head lists to the side, his eyes dropping closed.
“He’s crashing, let’s move people!” Michelle shouts.
There’s a mad rush all around him, but Carlos barely comprehends it. All he can do is stare at his husband, his unmoving body, the blood draining from his face while simultaneously gushing from the wound in his stomach. 
He doesn’t feel the way his knees hit the pavement, or Marjan’s arms around him. He doesn’t feel the tears falling on his cheeks, or the way he starts to shake. He doesn’t even feel the cold, unfamiliar Austin air. 
As TK is pulled away from him, he doesn’t feel anything at all. 
❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️
TK wakes up in the hospital.
At this point, it all feels very familiar. Every hospital room seems to smell the same, sterile and uninviting. The sheets are scratchy, which coordinates nicely with the scratchy hospital gown they have him wearing. He can hear the gentle beeping from the monitor next to him, and feel the pinch of an IV in his left arm. 
TK opens his eyes slowly, staring up at the ceiling as he assesses his current state. The lights are low, but it still takes him a minute to adjust, his head faintly throbbing. He recalls how much his head hurt on the scene, how his vision went blurry, and assumes he got a concussion from his fall.
He shifts slightly, gasping as the movement pulls at his midsection and an intense pain radiates throughout his entire body. The sound causes a weight against his right arm to shift, and he looks down, his eyes immediately softening at the sight before him.
Carlos is seated next to the bed, his body bent so that he can rest his head against TK’s arm, which he’s also gripping with one of his hands. His other hand is awkwardly linked with TK’s own, their fingers threaded tightly together. Carlos’s face is turned towards him, his eyes closed as he rests. TK notices how puffy his eyes are, and how his skin is more pale than usual. His heart sinks in his chest, an intense guilt masking his own pain as he stares down at the man he loves more than anything.
Before he can even think about how much pain it might cause, he lifts his left arm across his body to run his fingers through Carlos’s dark brown curls. It’s his favorite thing to do on the rare occasions where he’s the first one to wake up in the morning, and he knows his husband absolutely loves it. Sure enough, Carlos lets out a soft moan, unconsciously tilting his head towards TK’s fingers.
He can tell the minute that Carlos realizes what’s happening by the way his whole body tenses. His eyes fly open, his brown eyes wide as he sits up straight. His gaze finds TK, drinking him in, and TK can’t do anything but smile back at him, squeezing their hands together.
“Ty,” Carlos breathes, his eyes filling with tears.
“Hey, baby,” TK says, pulling gently on Carlos’s hand until he gets the hint.
His husband stands, shifting closer to the head of the bed, before bending down to press a soft kiss to his waiting lips. Carlos tries to make the kiss quick, but TK reaches up to grip the back of his neck, keeping him close.
“How long has it been?” TK asks when they separate, rubbing their noses together. At this point, it’s their traditional question when one of them is in the hospital. 
“They rushed you to surgery when you first got here, which took about four hours,” Carlos explains, his voice shaking as he runs his fingers soothingly through TK’s hair. “You’ve been sleeping for about five.”
“So, still the same day?” TK confirms. It’s an odd question, but after going through one multi-day coma in his life, he’s hoping to never have to do another. Besides, he knows Carlos wouldn’t handle it well.
“Still the same day,” his husband confirms, the first sign of a smile pulling at his lips. 
“That’s good.”
“Very good,” Carlos agrees, leaning in to kiss him. This one feels a little more heated than the last one. “You know how I get when I don’t get to kiss you goodnight.”
“You become the equivalent of a child who’s told he can’t have ice cream right before bed,” TK supplies, enjoying the shocked look that appears on Carlos’s face. “Or so I’m told.”
“Told?” Carlos cries. “Who told you that? Give me the traitors’ names, Tyler!”
“Just for that, I’m not going to,” he laughs, gasping for air when the movement sends a flare of pain through him. 
“Are you okay?” Carlos asks, worry written clearly on his face. He reaches out, his hands fluttering around him but too afraid to touch. 
“Yeah, I just,” TK grits out, holding his side. “Fuck, that does not feel good.”
It takes a few minutes of deep breathing for him to finally settle back down, reaching for Carlos’s hand when he’s sure that his grip won’t break his fingers. Carlos gingerly takes a seat next to him on the bed, running his free hand through his hair to soothe him.
TK’s just about to ask exactly what the damage is when there’s a knock on the door. They both turn to find his dad poking his head through, an apologetic smile on his face.
“Hey boys, sorry to interrupt,” he says, glancing behind him at something they can’t see. “There’s just some people here who wanted to say a quick hello.”
TK rolls his eyes, sharing a smile with Carlos. This happens every time someone from the firehouse ends up in the hospital - though to be fair, it’s usually him.
“You know you can always let them in, Dad,” he says, his fondness clear in his tone. Carlos just scoots a little closer, pressing one last kiss to his lips. 
“I love you,” he mutters, his eyes shining.
“I love you, too,” TK whispers back as the door is thrown wide open and the equivalent of a clown car files into his room.
Judd and Grace lead the way, followed by Paul, Marjan, and Mateo, then Michelle, Tim, and Nancy. His dad, the last one, closes the door behind him. Strictly speaking, this is way too many visitors to have in a single room at a time, but there are nurses at every hospital who are willing to bend the rules a bit for familiar first responders, as long as they’re discreet about it.
TK looks around at them all - Grace, with her hand on Carlos’s shoulder, and Michelle at the foot of his bed, her eyes glinting with happiness; his dad standing next to her; Mateo, Marjan, and Paul all standing to his left, Paul reaching out to punch him lightly on the shoulder, a bright smile on his face. 
They’re his family, all of them. And they all saved his life today.
“I, um,” he starts, his voice thick with emotion as he looks around at them all. He feels Carlos’s hand slide up his arm, his thumb gently caressing his bicep in support. He turns to look at him, noticing how Carlos still has his back to most of the room as he faces him on the bed. They share a look, just between the two of them, and Carlos nods, a tear falling down his cheek as he squeezes TK’s arm.
“I, um, I wanted to thank you all,” TK says, looking around the room again, his eyes hovering over every face that makes him feel safe and loved and whole, “for saving me today. I - we - will never be able to tell you how much it means to know that we have all of you by our side, looking out for us.”
He feels a tear fall onto his cheek, but before he can reach up to brush it away, Michelle shifts from the end of his bed, coming around the side to stand next to him. She reaches out for him and Carlos, drying his face and gripping his husband’s arm tightly.
“Don’t be silly. You boys are our family,” Michelle says, “so we’re always going to be here for you. No matter what. It’s as simple as that.”
“She’s right,” Judd pipes in, his arm around Grace. “Though, full disclosure, we are gifting you a bulk-size roll of bubble wrap this Christmas.”
“Hey now, c’mon Judd,” Paul says, his hands buried in his pockets. “You weren’t supposed to tell him.”
“Ignore Judd, y’all,” Grace adds, rolling her eyes as she pats her husband’s chest. “He doesn’t do Christmas shopping, and I have much better taste, trust me on that.”
TK huffs out a laugh, wincing at the way it pulls at his injury. No one else catches it, too busy laughing at Grace’s comment and Judd’s offended expression. He glances over at Carlos, seeing a tightness behind his eyes, and knows that his pain didn’t go completely unnoticed. TK reaches over, squeezing his thigh where it’s pressed against his own. Carlos gives him a small smile, grabbing his hand to press a kiss to his fingertips.
The tightness in his eyes doesn’t go anywhere, though, and TK’s heart caves.
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The team stays until visiting hours are over, laughing and joking as they fill TK and Carlos in about the rest of the work day. It seems that much of the ice started to melt by the middle of the afternoon, making the end of the day much easier than the beginning. Finally, a nurse comes in, shocked to find so many people in one room, and tells them that visiting hours are over. One-by-one, they come over to hug TK and Carlos, Grace even pressing a kiss to each of their foreheads. 
When only Carlos and his dad remain, the nurse checks his vitals, telling him that everything appears to be normal. Carlos stands by his side, hand on his shoulder, as TK honestly answers her questions about his pain levels. She helps him to adjust his position on the bed, showing Carlos how to help him so he’ll feel the least amount of pain. His husband listens closely, his face set and serious.
She leaves, and Carlos excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving him alone with his dad.
“How’re you feeling, kid?” his dad asks, sitting next to him. 
“A little tender,” he admits, running his hand lightly over the thick bandage on his stomach. They’re quiet for a moment, TK biting his bottom lip. “It was pretty bad, wasn’t it?” he finally asks.
His dad looks at him, his eyes softening, before reaching out and taking his hand. “You crashed right before they got you in the ambulance. The icicle hit a pretty major blood vessel near your liver, and you lost a lot of blood when it shifted unexpectedly.”
TK is quiet, thoughts rolling through his mind. “He saw, didn’t he?” he confirms, his voice barely more than a hushed whisper. 
“Yeah,” his dad admits, his tone heavy. “He wasn’t in a good place when you left, so his partner drove him here and Michelle stayed with him until I could come.” TK nods, his eyes filling with tears. “He’s gonna be okay, though, TK. You both are.”
His dad stands again, looking around the room. “I’m going to head home,” he says, reaching out to run his fingers through TK’s hair. “I know you’re in good hands for the night. I’ll come back first thing in the morning, okay?”
“Yeah,” TK says. Then, he gets an idea. “Can you help me shift a little?”
His dad smiles knowingly before reaching out again to help move him to the left side of the bed, TK breathing deeply through the pain. 
Carlos finally comes out of the bathroom and his dad gives them both a hug, TK watching as he whispers something in his husband’s ear before pressing a kiss to his temple. Then, with a final wave, they’re alone again.
“Hey,” TK says, breaking the silence.
“Hey,” Carlos parrots back, his voice thin and uneven.
“Come here,” TK says, patting the now open space beside him. Carlos moves across the room, glancing down at the spot doubtfully.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Ty,” he says, his eyes full of so much pain.
“Well, I don’t want to go another minute without you laying by my side, so get your ass up here.” The hard tone of his voice leaves no room for questions, so his husband sighs, sliding next to him as gently as possible.
They lay there for a moment, just breathing together. Then, like a dam breaking, Carlos turns onto his side, placing an arm over his chest as he tucks his face into TK’s neck. In no time at all, TK feels tears soaking the collar of his gown, and his own tears finally fall at the evidence of Carlos’s silent pain.
“I’m so sorry for scaring you today, baby,” he sobs, bringing his hand up to press against the dark curls near his cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
Carlos doesn’t respond except to shake his head, his sobs continuing. TK holds him through it, his heart shattering into a million pieces in his chest. Throughout the past four year, Carlos has had a few nightmares of TK bleeding out in front of him - caused by him getting shot before they even started dating - so he knows that today had to be especially brutal for his husband.
“I know it was an accident, and that you’re going to be okay now,” Carlos finally mumbles into his neck, “but I was so fucking scared that I had lost you there for a minute. I’ve never seen Michelle so intense before, and I really thought this was it.”
“I know, baby, I know,” TK says, trailing his fingers along the back of Carlos’s neck. He digs his nails in just a bit, knowing that the feeling will help ground Carlos. Sure enough, his husband shivers against him, letting out a shaky breath. “You didn’t lose me, though. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?” Carlos asks weakly.
“Babe, look at me,” TK says, pulling his head back to look down at him. Carlos’s eyes are red-rimmed, his face puffy from crying so much today. He looks so small, so cut open and raw, that TK wishes he could take all of his pain away. “I promise that I am going to do everything in my power to come home to you in one piece at the end of every day, okay?”
Carlos nods, his eyes falling closed. TK stares at his long, gorgeous eyelashes now soaked with tears. Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to each eyelid, feeling the way that Carlos relaxes further into his side. 
“I’m sorry that our bath plans got ruined for this evening,” he says after a few minutes, recalling their conversation from this morning. 
“That’s okay,” Carlos says, his fingers lightly tracing TK’s collarbone through his hospital gown. “Once I get you home, I’m probably never going to let you leave again, so there will be plenty of time for baths.”
TK laughs, ignoring the pain when Carlos joins him. “I like the sound of that,” he admits.
Their gazes lock for a moment before Carlos presses up until their lips meet, the kiss igniting a fire inside of him from head to toe. It doesn’t matter how many times he gets to kiss Carlos, TK thinks that each one feels new and different and life-affirming, his body and soul practically singing at the chance to connect with his husband in a way that no one else can. That no one else ever will.
It’s something that he knows he’ll never get tired of for as long as he lives.
Which will be a very, very long time.
He’s sure of it.
❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️
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grailfinders · 3 years ago
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Fate and Phantasms #169
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Two builds in one day? That’s right! Today’s my birthday, and that means I get to pick the servants! As a birthday gift to myself, we’re making Caster of the Nightless City! As usual, expect spoilers in the build breakdown below the cut and in their character sheet here!
Scheherazade is a Creation Bard to truly bring her stories to life, and a Genie Warlock to create her own Bedchamber of Survival.
Race and Background
Wildly, Scheherazade is a Human, giving her +1 to all abilities. She’s also a Guild Artisan with one of the most demanding patrons in the world, giving her proficiency with Insight and Persuasion. 
Ability Scores
Your Charisma better be as high as possible, you’re literally famous for your storytelling skills. After that is Wisdom. Anyone can read a story, but to tell a story you’ve got to be able to read the audience. Your Intelligence is also pretty good, because let’s be honest, remembering over 1,000 stories is pretty goddamn impressive. Your Dexterity isn’t awful, because we need to be able to go from standing to dogeza in seconds. This means your Constitution and Strength are rather low. Sadly, telling stories doesn’t make you all that battle hardened.
Class Levels
1. Bard 1: Being a bard gives you proficiency with Dexterity and Charisma saves to avoid fireballs and being banished to other dimensions. (Though I guess banishment is better than death?) You also get proficiency in three bard skills, that is to say, three of any skill. Performance for storytelling, Acrobatics for faster dogezas, and History for more story material.
You can use Bardic Inspiration to give a d6 to an ally Charisma Mod times per long rest, and these dice can be added to pretty much any d20 roll to make it a bit better. (Not yours though, heaven forbid you have to get out there and... attack things.)
Speaking of not attacking things, let’s talk Spells. You cast em with Charisma, and get stuff like Blade Ward for taking less damage and Friends for convincing people to let you live in the first place. You also get Charm Person for a similar reason, Bane to weaken their offense if they still want to try anything, Feather Fall to avoid death by heights, and Silent Image for the first of your storied illusions.
2. Bard 2: Second level bards become Jacks of All Trades, adding half their proficiency to ability checks they’re not proficient in. By becoming more useful, you’re less likely to get killed! Probably. You also get a Song of Rest to boost healing during short rests. Healing is good, healing helps people not die. Finally, your Magical Inspiration lets allies add your inspiration dice to damage or healing caused by spells. Again, healing is good, and I guess doing more damage can be nice sometimes.
Speaking of doing damage, we’re not doing that. Instead, grab Sleep for a bedtime story.
3. Bard 3: Graduating from the college of Creation will help you bring your stories to life thanks to your Performance of Creation. As an action you can create a nonmagical object once per long rest or by spending a 2nd level spell slot. The item must be medium or smaller, and can only be worth at most 20 times your bard level in GP.
You can also help your allies star in legends of their own with Stories of Potential that add extra effects to your bardic inspiration depending on how they’re used. Ability checks get advantage on rolling the inspiration, attack rolls deal thunder damage to nearby creatures if they fail a constitution save, and saving throws add temporary HP to their users.
You can also cast Calm Emotions to keep the king from beheading you in the morning.
4. Warlock 1: Now that that’s taken care of, let’s get some help from a Genie. Picking this patron gives you a Genie’s Vessel, a tiny object like, say, a scroll case, within which you can find a Bottled Respite that you can hang out in for up to 2x your proficiency bonus hours per long rest, but you can only enter once per long rest. Any items you leave behind stay in the respite until the vessel is destroyed or you take them out again. Also, I gotta remember to point out the inside is bigger than the outside, space isn’t an issue for you.
You also learn to imbue your attacks with a Genie’s Wrath, adding thunder damage equal to your proficiency bonus to one attack per turn. You don’t really attack that much, but it’s nice to make every bit count.
Speaking of attacking, you can actually do that with your new Spells! You still use Charisma, but you have Pact Magic, so these slots don’t mix with your old ones. The plus side is they recharge on short rests instead of long ones, and you can still cast bard spells with warlock slots and vice versa.
You get Minor Illusion for cheap lifelike stories, as well as Eldritch Blast for the ever-present caster balls. For first level spells, you get Detect Evil and Good and Thunderwave for free, as well as Comprehend Languages because copyright doesn’t exist in D&D, and Protection from Evil and Good. Some kings are evil, some are good, but very few are neutral. (WARNING: does not actually protect against good or evil aligned humanoids)
5. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get Eldritch Invocations, ways to customize the selling your soul experience. Armor of Shaodws gives you free mage armor to avoid dying, and Eldritch Mind makes it easier to concentrate on your spells, which are keeping you from getting killed.
Speaking of spells, Sense Emotion lets you read the prevailing emotion of a nearby creature as an action, and you can repeat the action each turn. Good storytelling requires you know what your audience wants.
6. Warlock 3: Third level warlocks get a Pact Boon, and Pact of the Tome gives you a super cool magic scroll that gives you three cantrips from any spell list. You get Guidance and Resistance for added protection, and Mage Hand. Handling hot objects can be dangerous! Now you don’t have to do that.
Besides that, you get second level spells here, like Enthrall. Being the center of attention is dangerous, but you’re the most personable member of the party, so this might be less dangerous than letting them talk. You also get Phantasmal Force and Gust of Wind for free, letting you attack with fictional characters and just make things a bit more dramatic.
7. Warlock 4: At fourth level you finally get your first Ability Score Improvement, which will be used to round up your Dexterity and Constitution for a higher AC and higher HP. Not dying’s good, you should try it out.
You also get Prestidigitation to add minor effects to your stories, and Flock of Familiars to summon background characters.
8. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get third level spells, like Major Image to make larger effects for your stories. You also get Create Food and Water and Wind Wall for free.
On top of that, the invocation One with Shadows lets you turn invisible as an action in dim light or darker, and lasts until you move or take an action. When a truly good storyteller gets going, the story takes on a life of its own, and they just sort of... fade into the background.
9. Warlock 6: Sixth level genilocks get an Elemental Gift, giving you resistance to thunder damage. Like Cursed Arm always says, you can’t travel the desert without protection from wind. As a bonus action, you can now fly for 10 minutes Proficiency times per long rest. Admittedly you don’t really do that too often, but I’m sure you can illusion up a big genie hand or something to lift you up.
You can also summon a main character now thanks to Summon Fey. You can create a small fey creature in one of three moods that can teleport around and fight for you. Fuming fey get advantage on attacks after teleporting, mirthful fey can charm creatures, and tricksy fey create magical darkness which you can use to turn invisible.
10. Warlock 7: Congrats on your fourth level spell slots! Your freebie spells are Phantasmal Killer and Greater Invisibility to put less focus on yourself and more focus on the terrifying monsters you can summon. You can also use Hallucinatory Terrain to reshape the world into the world of your story. You can also use Trickster’s Escape once per long rest to cast Freedom of Movement on yourself to get the hell out of dangerous situations.
11. Warlock 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for better spells and better stories. You also learn how to Charm Monsters to avoid even more danger by just... getting along with everything.
12. Warlock 9: Ninth level warlocks get fifth level spells, like the freebies Creation to make even more nonsense out of nothing and Seeming to again, avoid danger. On top of those, you can use Modify Memory to retcon your stories to prevent your audience from getting too upset. You also gain the Gift of the Protectors, allowing you or another creature to write its name on part of your scroll. The scroll can hold the names of Proficiency people, and once per long rest the first creature to drop to 0 hp sticks around at 1 hp instead. You can also erase names if you have a falling out, but since it’s first come first served you might just want to keep this to yourself.
13. Warlock 10: Tenth level genielocks get a Sanctuary Vessel, allowing you to take up to 5 willing creatures into your Genie’s Vessel with you. You can eject creatures as a bonus action, by leaving yourself, dying (don’t do that one), or by destroying the vessel.
On top of all of that, creatures that stay in the vessel for at least 10 minutes get all the benefits of a short rest, plus they add your proficiency to any healing they get from hit dice. That’s on top of the d6 they were already getting from your song of rest.
Oh right, you get another cantrip too. Grab Blade Ward again. You can never be too careful.
14. Bard 4: Yeah, did you think we were done with bards? Nope! This level of bard gives us another ASI that’ll max out your Charisma for the best spells possible!
You also learn Message, because miscommunication can be deadly, and Lesser Restoration. You never know what kind of status effects might doom your party, after all...
15. Bard 5: Fifth level bards get their inspiration bumped up to d8s, and they finally become a Font of Inspiration to recharge their inspiration on short rests. I wanted to get sanctuary vessel as quickly as possible for the sake of getting your bedchamber of survival, but it’s awfully tempting to put these two levels earlier, ngl.
You also learn how to Feign Death, because nobody���s going to bother killing you if you’re already dead, right? This spell makes you or the targeted creature effectively dead by the reckoning of anyone around them. They can’t take actions, are blinded, and can’t move. They get resistance to all damage except psychic, and any diseases or poisons they’re affected by are frozen until the spell ends an hour later.
16. Bard 6: Sixth level bards can use Countercharm to protect their party from effects that would charm or frighten them, giving them advantage on those saves for a round.
You can also put on an Animating Performance to turn a large or smaller object into a Dancing Item, which follows your orders, given by your bonus action. You can do this once per long rest, or by spending a third level spell slot.
Your last bard spell is Catnap, putting up to three creatures to sleep for 10 minutes. If they stay asleep the entire time, they get the benefits of a short rest. Dying of overwork... what a horrifying concept.
17. Warlock 11: At eleventh level, instead of getting your spell slots made bigger you get a Mystic Arcanum, allowing you to cast a sixth level spell once per long rest. Guards and Wards is very useful if you’re paranoid, creating wards to protect up to 2,500 square feet of space (a.k.a. 100 5′ squares). You can specify creatures that are immune to effects, or a password that does the same thing.
In corridors, fog fills the area, and forks in the road have a 50% chance of forcing creatures down the wrong way.
Doors are magically locked, and up to 10 doors in the area can be covered by illusions.
Stairs are covered in Webs that regrow when destroyed.
You can also place: Dancing Lights in four corridors, Magic Mouth in two places, Stinking Cloud in two places, Gust of Wind in one corridor or room, and Suggestion in one five foot square.
Casting Guards and Wards in the same place every day for a year makes it permanent.
18. Warlock 12: Use your last ASI to bump up your Constitution for better concentration and health. You also learn your last Invocation, Minions of Chaos! Once per long rest you can cast Conjure Elemental using a warlock spell slot. It is a little bit risky, but even you have to be willing to stick your neck out at some point. Might as well be level 18.
19. Warlock 13: Your seventh level Mystic Arcanum is Mirage Arcane, allowing you to reshape reality in a square mile, altering the entire terrain to your story and even making entire structures out of nothing. Even creatures with true sight will still feel the illusion, so feel free to recreate the tower of babel and hide out on the top of it.
20. Warlock 14: Your capstone level gives you a Limited Wish from your patron, recreating any spell of fifth level or lower once per 1d4 long rests. Sometimes your story just needs a Maelstrom, and nobody’s going to wait for you to take 9 levels of druid just to finish a story.
Pros:
If your DM rewards creativity and you’ve got the mind thoughts to power this build, this build will treat you very nicely. This whole thing is basically an excuse for the roleplayer inside of you to ham up your acting, chew the scenery, and distract everyone from the rogue rifling through their pockets.
Speaking of distractions you can make some really good ones. Show up to the BBEG’s lair, butter them up with some stories, then trick them into entering your vessel, and then they’re trapped in there for up to 12 hours. If you can trick them into allowing you to catnap them, that gives the rest of your party a full 10 minutes to ransack the place before they even know what’s happening. You can always kick them out if they’re being unwelcome guests, but there’s no way for them to leave on their own outside of killing you. And that’s easier said than done, because...
You’re really hard to fight. Between all the illusions, summoning creatures to fight on your behalf, the invisibility, and the altering reality in a mile radius, landing a blow on you is an ordeal, especially if you know they’re coming.
Cons:
If you’re actually stuck in a cage match with an enemy it’s gonna take a while, because you really aren’t built for damage. You have a negative strength stat, and your first damaging spell doesn’t show up until level four. Just bring them into the vessel, help them relax, and put them to sleep with catnap, that’s way less work than actually fighting them.
On a similar note, anything that can see through your illusions is going to cut through you like butter, because you’re pretty squishy. Only 15 AC and just shy of 150 HP means you should avoid fights like... well, you do in canon.
Another side effect of your squishiness is that your concentration saves aren’t that great, which is really bad for an illusionist/summoner. Neither your animated item nor your invisibility use concentration though, so you can actually get away with more than you’d think, it’s just a complicated juggling act. And trust me, you do not want to drop them in the middle of combat.
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jamestrmtx · 4 years ago
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Wish Upon a Night Sky - [Beastars | Various x Reader]
[Female, Sheep Reader | Slow Burn]
Act Twelve, Scene One | The Calm Before
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It's a cold night.
The view of the darkening sky paired with Haru's garden create an image that makes all those nights spent cooped up inside the dorm seem like long-lost opportunities. Though it's a bit difficult to distinguish the stars from the strong lights of nearby buildings and lampposts, the ones that are visible make you center all your attention on them for a long, long while. Some of the more brightly coloured flowers almost shine under the darkness, and the wind makes your eyes close on their own, lulled by how gentle the sensation is. It's still early, yet it already feels strikingly different from mornings or afternoons. Even evenings hold a different feeling compared to the night's ambience.
"Are you interested in those?" Haru asks, pulling you back to reality.
You look down to see her face, carrying a smile and a raised brow. You then shake your head when you notice she's pointing with her eyes at one of the flower beds you'd been staring at, however vacant your attention was. The offer makes you smile back at her, though it soon falls when you see dirt on her uniform. Her face also has a bit smeared on it, thoughts it's mostly centered on her nose. "Did something happen?" you ask, holding back a frown. You're aware she isn't one to tolerate pity, so you try to remain neutral in your tone in an attempt at not appearing as worried as you feel. "You, um... You have some dirt on your face, by the way."
"Where?" she asks, taking a step closer. She then stands on her tiptoes and leans in. "Could you get it for me? My hands are all dirty."
Her tone is already a dead giveaway of what she's trying to do here.
Similar to how your relationship was like after your bad first impression, there's a teasing factor to her voice and the glint in her eyes -- as if she's waiting to strike at any moment. Regardless, you don't back away and excuse yourself to find a napkin from your belongings. She waits in that same spot until you come back with it and returns to standing tall when you aim at her face, first going to her nose, and then her cheeks. It's easy to clean and it doesn't take you long to wrap up, though you can't deny how she seems to be getting closer and closer with each passing second.
"That should be all of-"
She lands a kiss on top of your snout and her hand goes to your cheek, almost close enough to brush with your mouth. Her ears perk up when she pulls away and takes a step back; the same energy applies to her smile and gaze, both holding an emotion difficult to decipher beyond that of simple mischief or amusement. It's noticeable she means nothing big by her calm and composed body language, though there's something about it that makes this feel like an honest action on her part despite all the teasing.
"Did you get those stains on purpose?" you ask, getting straight to the point. 
That drives out a laugh from her, one she tries to suppress as her smile grows and her cheeks turn red from holding back her want to let it go. She then shows her hands, revealing no dirt on them, as she'd otherwise claimed earlier ago. "You caught me," she says, letting out a chuckle. "I just took a bit of dirt on one finger and spread it all over. The one on my uniform's real, though."
You frown at her confession, though you still sit next to her by one of the flowerbeds when she makes that offer. It's a much better spot to continue your conversation, and the scent of the flowers made more prominent by the wind only adds to the experience. Drowsiness arrives once more, and it drives out a deep, long-lasting yawn.
"Have you slept at all today?" she asks, expression changing for sterner eyes and a straight mouth. "Did..." It's rare to see her hesitate or demonstrate any blatant worry, though you don't bring that up now nor tease her back with it. Letting her finish the question feels more important right now. "...Did everything go alright with Juno?" she asks, voice coming off gentler than you anticipated it to. "I saw she was doing better this morning, but you look a bit worn out."
"Do I?" you ask, furrowing your gaze at the thought. Even if you did manage to find some closure with Juno, you hadn't woken up too fresh this morning. And even if that had something to do with how little rest you got, there's also a persistent, lingering feeling at the back of your head telling you to watch out and be careful. Being out here with Haru feels like a risk regardless of how there's plenty more lighting and security measures around as a result of what happened with Juno. And regardless of how many students are still wandering around -- some finishing with club duties and others keeping each other company -- you can't avoid replaying the scene of her being taken captive and held out as a bargain. "I ended up talking with her at midnight," you say, smiling again. "So that might have to do with that, but... But things turned out pretty good between us, so I'm okay."
"Are you sure?" She places a hand over yours to grab your attention some more. Her eyes scrutinize yours, and her frown manages to show just how plain unconvinced she still is. "There's... something else bothering you, isn't there?"
She squeezes your hand tighter; a 'please' can be felt through that action, prompting you to be a bit more honest with her. "Y- Yes," you blurt out, sighing. "But it's just a suspicion -- nothing really serious yet."
Her hand lets go, cold now felt sharper with how warm her touch is. "Suspicion or not, that's a big enough worry for you to just brush it off and ignore it." Her gaze narrows subtly, almost forming a glare weren't her frown and tone softer. "And don't belittle your worries like that. It won't do you any good, in the long run." There's a strong sense of finality in the way she says that: stern and firm, but caring nonetheless. She wanders her attention onto the flowers you'd gotten lost in while taking in your surroundings and goes back to you afterwards. "Want one?" she asks, pointing with her eyes to them.
You smile and stand up when she does, already growing too anxious to stay in one place without fidgeting. "...Yes," you mutter, voice a whisper as you look away, reminded of how bold she'd been with you a few minutes ago. While you're still thinking about it, Haru looks like she's moved on from it completely. Not a trace of the fluster you showed can be seen on her face.
Rather than handing over one, she gives you four: one of each colour available, with the exception of the pink ones, these two instead of one. In the spare moment you've been vexing about her kiss, she's managed to take them all out cleanly, without damaging any of the roots, leaves, or petals whatsoever. Haru nods over to a stray flower pot laying on the ground, and -- finally -- places them there when you take it and bring it over. "Give one of the pink ones to Juno," she says, winking. "And tell her it's from you." She finishes her work by scooping some soil into the pot, pouring a bit of water in, and even going as far as to wrap a red ribbon around it. "Alright?"
At a loss for words, you can only look down at the flowers and nod -- albeit, absentmindedly. "Y- Yeah."
Your face turns cold as you realize what particular flowers they are -- ones you'd stared at for far too long.
Lilies.
"Thank you," you add, not wanting to dwell too much on that thought. "I left my wallet at the dorm, but-"
"What are you talking about, (Y/N)?" Haru intervenes, swatting your arm and pushing you to move off to the exit. "It's a gift! Now let's get going -- It's getting dark already."
Unable to adjust to both the flower situation and her kiss, you fall short on your words and decide to only nod again.
You follow her without a word out of the garden once she wraps up and closes the shed, far too caught up with both events for you to say anything else even as you walk off to the dorms; a quick and hushed 'see you later' more than midway through is the only thing you're capable of.
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theblurplegirl · 4 years ago
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So I had my first bad and overtly sexualized experience when playing D&D last night. And I can't sleep until I write it out.
For context, I had decided to start looking for an other group to meet with (online of course) about a month ago. Within the last week I found a group that was in my time zone, and seemed to be an ok fit. When I added my character to the DNDBeyond campaign page I noticed that my character was the only one listed as female. Now I know that people can play whatever gender of character they want, but just the general vibe I got from my few messages with the DM lead me to believe that the players were all playing characters their same gender. I also learned that I was going in as the least experienced of the group, as well as being the only player who was not able to meet with the DM beforehand to run through character details. I was going in mostly uninformed. I immediately knew that this was going to be a lot more difficult than my previous campaign. I was a woman surrounded by men, playing a game that is gatekept by men, and stereotypically played by only men. My thoughts and mindset to not show weakness or inexperience and to prove that was just as good of a player as any of the rest of them did not however prepare me for the session.
First thing we did was describe our characters after we where given our roles within the group. This immediatly made me have to make some major chapter changes because I had planned for a more light-hearted character this go around, but the position she was given required her to not only be aged up but also her alignment changed. So I was already a little on edge and even more unprepared. I had known before how I wanted my character to act in general situations, but now, my overall plan was thrown out the window. The motivation I had put down for my character no longer applied. If my character had nothing to strive for, did I have anything to play with?
Within the first few minutes of the session, as a new group of people, the DM had our characters go through some "bonding activities". My character and another had an arm restling match, which my character lost in one role (7 to an 11). Two other characters bonded by teasing one of the other members of the group, a high born water genasi. Generally that went well except for the fact that the DM, when describing the towel the two were using to taunt the character with he described it as a rough towel, but not just any type of rough, rough like there was dried cum in it. This comment made me immediatly uncomfortable. We were within five minutes of this session starting (the first of the campaign!) and the DM was already making sexual comments. I think I probably would have still been uncomfortable if my other DM, who I have known for close to 7 years, had made that description. I let the comment slide, hoping that maybe it was a slip up on the DMs part and he would remember he was with strangers.
The next incident that happened was when the party entered the town tavern and there was a fight. Our warlock used thamaturgy to make each punch and slap sound louder than they actually were. The DM initially described this as deafening, what was a perfectly fine description. However, later on in the fight when thamaturgy was used again, our DM described the sounds as lude and as if someone was jacking off. This again made me uncomfortable, but I kept silent.
Another thing the DM made a quick comment about is that the barkeep gave the water genasi a glass of water instead of beer and it was the barkeep being racist. Which was a completely unnecessary thing to say.
A little later while still in the bar, it was discovered that our party's mark was also in the building, and that he was commenting about how he found my character attractive, especially since she was apparently the only women in the bar. (Which not only contradicted the DM's earlier description of "Men, women, and children crowed around watching the bar fight" but also the fact that it was the towns only tavern and we were supposed to believe there were no other women then? Not even barmaids?) It was then implied heavily by not only most of the rest of my party but also the DM that I was supposed to go over and seduce the mark and gain access to his house by doing so. I felt set up and nervous. This was by no means how I had ever intended for this character to be played (she was originally going to literally still be a minor before I had to age her up). To make matters even more uncomfortable the DM insisted on role-playing a good portion of the in bar discussion/seduction between my character and the NPC. I said that I was uncomfortable with the situation, and them tried to use the excuse that I was not good at role-playing and had never done it before, but the DM was insistent. Through out the experience other players kept commenting on different aspects or were just being overtly sexual. I ended the in bar role-play fairly swiftly before my character had to go over and tell the rest of the party where she was going, and for them to follow her and scout the house. One the the other players had his character turn invisible and come also in the house as a scout while the other party members where outside.
When my character got back to the house with the mark, his younger sister was apparently awake and waiting. She was decribed as an young girl looking around the age of 13. This immedatly set off some warning bells, because the oarty was meant to capture her and transport her somewhere, which made me worried about what the DM had in mind. In the moment nothing else came of the little girl except that she tried to shame my character for coming back with her brother.
Next, my character and the mark went to his bedroom, and the DM described the multiple tools and weapons hanging on the NPCs wall, I could have been reading into it at this point but it felt like he was describing them in hopes I would have my character use them in the coming moments. The DM again then had my try to role-play the instruction between my character and the NPC, to which I was fairly bland with my words and sped through the process again. My DM then made my character take a point of exhaustion, which gives you disadvantage on checks. I then had my character leave after the NPC had fallen asleep, to which she was met with the younger sister again, who once again tried to shame her for a sexual experience.
When the DM switched to the POV of the other party members two of the players made the comments that they were pretty sure that the invisible party member who was in the house was probably sticking around and getting a show from my character and the mark.
When our whole party met up later to compare intel from the evening my character was the only one that had nothing to add to the scout mission. She had been purely used as a distraction. She was utterly unimportant to the plot of the mission and the campaign. The only "good" that came out of it was when one of the party members asked if my character could show them what she had done to the mark I replied so quickly with an adamant NO (of frustration and annoyance) that the DM told the other player his character suffered 4 points of psychic damage. At this point I was thoroughly upset, annoyed, and bored with the session and DM. This was when one of the other party members (the one who had played the invisible scout) private messaged me and asked if I was uncomfortable. It felt like I was able to take a breath that I didn't even know I could.
The other player explained to me that he was also uncomfortable with the situation and that he was here to support me. We continued to message back and forth for the rest of the session. I honestly don't think I would have made it to the end without him.
In the middle of the night a man broke into the room my character was sharing with the party's orc fighter. But my character slept through the whole interaction between the two characters, which just made me more uncomfortable, but I at this point I was so uncomfortable with this whole campaign that it was just another layer.
When our party awoke the next morning there were comments from the party about how my character had slept so deeply because of being worn out from the night before. This just caused more annoyance from me. When out party stepped out of the tavern there was a man selling potions on a cart pulled my two humans and two drow elves. The DM stated, after the invisible scout's insight check, that the people pulling the cart were slaves and that the whole region we were in had slavery. The owner of said slaves (played by the DM) stated that they were better than horses because they fought back. This statement made me extremely uncomfortable, even more so than the sexual encounters.
At this point the invisible scout spoke up and said that our characters should free the slaves, in response my chracter was the only one that agreed so we set about to release them. This involved me casting blindness on the owner and then getting shot by his goblin lacky and taking over half of my HP in damage. Then the genasi cast sleep on the goblin (not to help us free the slaves, but to steal something off the cart), which allowed the scout and I to cut the chains and try to let the slaves free. By that point the owner had regained his sight and the slaves had not run away. One of the slaves then glared at my character and said "should I dispose of them master" and honestly I wish he had, because then I would have gotten to leave. Instead, I had to stick around because the owner insisted that I was merely misunderstanding the situation and that no further punishment should come to my character if she worked off the payment of the chains she had cut. There was no mention of the scout being punished. I wanted to cry at this point, out of frustration and annoyance.
The last few minutes of the session involved the party then splitting up to look at different locations around town that we also needed to scout, but at this point I was not paying attention to anything the DM or anybody else said.
Throughout the course of the session the DM and other players also made other unnecessarily sexual and racist comments, but there were so many that I only explained the major ones. By the end, when the DM asked how the session was, I couldn't respond. I felt assaulted. Yes, I had put myself in this situation, but there had been no prior indication before starting the evening that I would be subjected to a multitude of sexual and racist comments throughout the session.
The whole experience was horrible, except for the fact that the invisible scout player and I have continued to talk and have both decided to leave the campaign and look for a friendlier one together. I am just glad that I had him to talk to during the experience because otherwise I probably would have thought I was exaggerating things in my head. I have loved D&D for a long time and this experience has tarnished my love for the game. I just hope I can recover from it and learn to again love the game and the people who play that are truly loving, accepting, and kind.
Ps: If you are 18+ and in either CST, MST or EST and looking for a cleric and a ranger in your campaign, I've got you covered
Tl;dr
I joined an online group of D&D that was full of unnecessarily sexual and racist comments and it was the worst experience of D&D I've had so far.
Sorry for any typos I dont want to have to reread everything, it was bad enough going through it once.
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