#my feet hurt so bad. god
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me: I can’t wait to wear you beloved doc marten Mary Janes with a slight platform :)
my doc marten Mary Janes: I will shred your feet in penance for your sinful audacity
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I am so happy that the six or seven weird Christians who protest at pride showed up this year. Was an absolute joy having a guy try to exorcise me, a drag queen, on the spot. "You're standing on holy ground" sir I don't think you have the ability to bless this random piece of sidewalk but good to know.
Anyway I'm 100% demon free now.
#ramblings#nonsims#pride#pride month#Also my feet hurt so bad they make me not want to do drag ever again so I guess that could be god at work?
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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not sure if anyone has ever noticed or commented on this before but working in retail kind of fucking sucks so badly
#my knees! hurts! they hurd#i might've rolled my ankle earlier and not noticed until now but usually it doesn't hurt this badly to walk? and i'm so sad#i think i need to boil my feet also i need all my nerves to start over or perhaps just stop#my friend recommended getting shoe inserts but i don't want to have to resort to a product when products caused the problem and i haven't#even gotten paid yet :/#god i hate spending money so bad#whatever. whatever ! and i can't even nap after 2 days starting at 5am in a row bc i needed too much caffeine to be coherent earlier :(#every single image that says 'this and $50000' is so real#sigh#a post
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i deserve an honest to god medal for making it home but all i got was this lousy masterpost i need to update
#heeeelp. heeeeehkllpppp#crammerposting#EVERYONE GET DOWN IM ABOUT TO HASHTAG COMPLAIN HASHTAG STRUGGLEPOST#my god#i only walked for like 30 minutes but my back and feet hurt so bad i didnt know if i would even make it home or die in a bush somehwere#and it took me 1 hour in general cuz i kept having to take bench breaks#and im also a starving white woman im soooooooo hungry#for ththe past 7 hours i’ve only had like 5 spoons of rice a bun with chicken and Water#im so damn hungry and tired and now im gonna have to cook lunch myself cuz my brother is asleep#i feel crazy but fuck me if im not gonna make the bangerest spaghetti ever
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god. live music my fucking WIFEEE
#bee buzzes#what a good fucking showwwwwww#im so tired and my feet hurt so bad and i just got the hiccups for some reason but i am so fucking#god#GODDD#it was fuckijg fantastic
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why does school actuallymake me feel like im going crazy this shit is not that difficult
#okayprobably isnt helping that i havebt been eating very well lately but#💔#ACTUALLY WHAT IS WRONG W ME HELP#<- read that in a comedic tone . like im just kinda baffled at this point#will i change my behavior? work to improve myself ? probably not#god i did literally nothing today i have a million overdue assignnts#i shouldve been working on. i didnt even do anything for fun ive just sat in my room watched a letsplay episode and thought abt#getting things done. i was pacing around in circles for like literally an hourjudt now my feet hurt so bad what the fuck#this is incrediblly disjointed sorry. im literally just ramvling to complain#i need to start keeping a diary or some shit . if only writing didnt hurt my hand so much#whatevrr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ill get over this probably im just going thru it for some reason#inquisitivewaltz.txt#vent#tagging for filtering purposes this is kinda just me oversharing vaguely. idk
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id do a "should i chuck a sickie tomorrow" poll but i just know some narc would vote no
#genuinely concerned i wont wake up on time at all but lets hope!#the blisters on my feet are . so fucking bad i cant overstate how fucked my feet are#not just bc of that but i spent upwards of three hours walking heavily on the outside of my feet to avoid the blisters#so that all hurts so much now too#like i cannot walk 😭#thank you god and the universe for inventing wfh
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i am not in a good mood
#i cant communicate with anybody unless theyre putting in so much effort to understand me. which no one does. except my sister god bless her#i was on my feet all day long today from 10 to fucking 8pm doing errands for her#my legs hurt so bad its midnight now and i finally was able to get back into the room im staying in for this week and just cried and cried#my dad has been saying transphobic things to me all day#and playing his trans violence fucking tiktoks loud as hell so eevryone can hear them in the living room#my mom pointed out all of my grey hair that i just realized i had and also pointed out how i gained so much weight#i want to die right now man#the only good thing thats happened on this trip was how i got to talk to my mom aand update her on my DID stuff because she hasnt fucking#seen a roll call of my system in 5 years so that was nice#but also had a convo about how she lost my diagnostic papers so thats fun#maryposting
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Vent abt smth that gets on my Nerves
#tried bringing up to mom like. hey how could I bring up coming out to family. and she was like visibly uncomfortable so I was like dw I’m no#gonna like try to ruin Christmas with it or some shit I’m just. nervous u see. and I’m sat there anxiety rambling abt it because oh my god.#and she pulls out the fucking. ‘can’t you just be a person?’ mom I am a person already. the problem is. the PROBLEM IS. EVERYONE THINKS I AM#AND THUS TREATS ME AS A GIRL. like oh my god.#vent#it’s not a huge vent like if it comes up I’m not gonna Lie moms discomfort abt the matter be damned.#but like. ‘can’t you just be a person’ is what she says every fucking time it comes up. like mom. mother. mi madre. do you realize how much#of an insult that feels like when you say it EVERY TIME I bring up trans anxieties. or dysphoria. or any of the ways my transness affects my#life. like being trans doesn’t make me less of a person oh my god. but also frankly I don’t have the patience to be nice about getting into#things and I don’t have the heart to hurt her about it and even if I did have one of those I don’t have the patience to hold her hand#through all this shit. like I gave up having mom on this journey ages ago do you know how painful it is to un-give up on something that#immense. it’s hard and it hurts and it burns and it’s like. giving up to begin with didn’t hurt too bad- it’s cutting off the festering#wound. but. but then. you find out that. you can in fact work with that. and suddenly you have to try and clean the wound. care for it and#wrap it and do it all over again. and god it hurts. and. I’m not entirely sure I want to un-give up all the way on this? it’s. a lot#like I get and I appreciate that she’s trying to do. something. in theory at least. she avoids the subject when I bring it up and all but#cringed when I brought up coming out to her side of the family. she calls me my deadname and her daughter more than she did before she said#she would try. and I don’t have the energy to uncover that wound enough to start cleaning it. I’m just letting it sit there because frankly#it’ll be such a huge thing because it’s Always a huge thing when I don’t let the subject drop mega fast and I’m. I know she’s not gonna cut#me off for just being trans but GOD I want to keep ONE of my parents in my fucking life when I’m able to stand on my own two feet holy shit#and. man. it appears this is. still more of a thing than I thought it was. thats. annoying and inconvenient
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IM REALLY TIRED W EEEPS
#AND MY FEET HURT SO BAD#GOD I CAN NEVER JUST SLEEP WHEN I GET HOME#NO I HAVE TO COOK AND CLEAN FOR TWO HOURS#IM TIRED
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the power of faggotry is on my side rn
#me when i crochet 2 feet of scarf in like. four hours. my arms and fingers hurt so bad but by GOD i will finish this in 3 days. the power of#faggotry is bigger than the arm hurty!!!!
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i hate working but i get paid this week so let me stop complaining
#summer speaks#my feet hurt#GOD#i need a nap so bad rn#but i know i’ll never wake tf up 😭😭#i need a recharge honestly
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just almost finished counting the lottery till (by hand) and when I was halfway through the last stack of money some stupid ass customer showed up and just had to play so of course my coworker did it and now I have to count the entire thing again (by hand)
#i am so tired of this shit my feet hurt SO bad it's still two hours until i can go home AND i have to show up here tomorrow at eight#god i have lost all my will to keep going fr
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just got back from tswift. what a night.
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My first trans day of visibility where I actualy did something fun and cool
#i fucked off and i was at an arcade with some guys for like 30 min after a sort of 2 hour get together thingy#r0b7#one dude walked me back to my car and i live this man i cherish this man hes so good and nice thank god for this man#my feet hurt so fucking bad
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