#my family is a bunch of weird and inappropriate people

[ix-c-999]

My brother is full of sentences that sound like things Norman Bates would say about his mom

[antimony-medusa]

hi saw your daddy kink post discussing the phenomenon of giving grown characters surrogate parental relationships, and I understand where you’re coming from, but i really feel like it’s just a matter of the circles you run in, and the assumptions that you might make because of that. you mention how platonic reads of these dynamics are more uncommon than kinky reads, which i just don’t think is the case, and I think that arguing that people don’t even realize that they’re writing a kink is a little bit bizarre, and sort of assumes that you know more abt them than they do by projecting your own experiences onto them.

it isn’t inherently sexual to crave protection or a parental relationship that you may have missed out on, and it is certainly not universal. in my own family, my “grandpa” isnt my biological grandfather (nor do I really consider him to be my grandfather), but he’s my mother’s surrogate father and has been since she was in her twenties. an adult. he sees her as a daughter. she sees him as a father. there’s absolutely nothing kinky about it. and anybody who automatically assumes that must have their mind deep, deep in the gutter and/or the stranger side of the Internet. really, i find it a bit of a strange argument to randomly post in the first place—as if it’s a problem that so many people enjoy non romantic and non sexual relationships, and that these people must, in fact, have a daddy kink that they are unaware of.

that said, i do absolutely agree that fans bringing any part of that into phil’s chat is weird and they should Not do that, and that infantilizing characters is also very weird, and personally i dont even see him as being father figure to anybody on that island except his eggs, wilbur, and MAYBE an argument could be made for tubbo (which other cc’s on the island have joked about), but to each their own and all that.

sorry this is so long. TLDR, i get where ur coming from in terms of “warning , some people might read your stuff differently than you want here” but really not everything is a kink and paternal dynamics can easily happen in regards to adult characters, particularly young adults, without there being any inappropriate connotations. i know nothing i said will change your mind, obviously it’s set, but ykno diff perspectives and all that. hope ur doing well

Thank you for the ask! I see you were on mobile, I believe. :D I am also going to push the character limit with this response, I fear.

I agree that it isn't inhernetly sexual to go after a parental relationship that you missed out on, and there are many such cases. I'll even go so far as to say that it's not inherently kinky to go after a parental relationship that you missed out on, because there is such a thing as non-sexual kink, and heaven knows that MCYT writing is full of non-sexual kink. Lots and lots of stuff that is platonic that is kinking on fear, or being drugged, or kidnapping, or hypnosis, or familial relationships, etc— there's lots of people who aren't doing that. There are tons of people out in the real world (and in fiction), who are simply just expanding their family as an adult, and that's awesome. When I was in college there was this older couple who kind of adopted me and invited me over for thursday dinner, and they were awesome. There was nothing untoward going on there.

But look. I am an emduo fan who likes to see my guys be murdery, and because of that, I've ended up reading a bunch of Dark SBI. I've ocassionally gone "this cannot be what everyone is doing" and I've read stuff tagged as "family fluff" that I find recommended. I am aware of where the genre is going, particularly with the rise of "dadbur" and "dadnoblade" interpretations.

And look, you have just got to trust me on this one. People are writing stuff that in any other fandom I would be recommending they put kink tags on the work so that people who liked that trope could find it and people who didn't like it would avoid it, but that comment in DSMP would just lead to people getting doxxed, so I just grit my teeth and go "i guess that's baked into Dark SBI or Tooth Rotting Fluff now, I sure hope that doesn't hit anybody's triggers".

Like I PROMISE you. The first draft of this response included excerpts of fics that I've read and I was like "can YOU pick the ship fic from the /p fics here"? But I have a horror of ever leading to someone getting cancelled on twitter, so nothing that could possibly be identifiable of these writers. But like—

Some of the ways that Tommy gets treated in the narrative are almost indistinguishable from a bodice-ripper romance. Some of the tropes being used— within DSMP we've all clasped hands and agreed to interpret it being platonic, but in any other fandom, you are going to start getting comments that you might not want to get. The tag is FULL of stuff that is DD/LB in everything but name. Maybe my mind is in the gutter here, but if you move out of this fandom, you are going to move into circles where a lot of people's minds are in the gutter, and you are going to get a very different response from your comments!

And I was talking about daddy kink here specifically, because I see that one come up a lot and it's gotten egregious lately, but this also applies to dehumanization, and fearplay, and predator/prey, and "instincts" (in every other fandom that's gonna get people in a mashup of A/B/O, Hypnosis, and sometimes Agere responding to it), and kidnapping/drugging, AND the way a bunch of "piglin instincts" stuff is just a BDSM au now where the Brute (dom) needs to be callmed down by their Runt (sub). The SBI tag is super kinky right now. And I don't have a problem with that idealogically, write your truth, but a) please don't bring that up in front of the streamers, b) if you move to another fandom you have got to be prepared that not everyone is doing their kink platonically.

Like I'm assuming that people don't know what tropes they're playing into, they're just building them from first principles, because the other alternative is that they are deliberately and knowingly writing kink and posting it in the & relationship tag with insufficient trigger tags, and I prefer to believe that people don't know.

I'm glad we agree about people bringing that into Phi's chat, or Pol's, or Luzu, or any of the other streamers that people have decided is So Old. A lot of people aren't comfortable even being assigned dad, as we saw with Felps, so bringing it even further is just— uh oh, no.

I do not have a problem with people liking non-romantic and non-sexual relationships. I find it a bit odd that much of the fandom can't concieve of a non-romantic and non-sexual relationship without making it familial and specifically lately father-son— don't you have close friends?— but I am fully in support of gen writing. I primarily write gen! I'm an avid commentor on gen fics!

But some of the tropes at play in the fandom are kinky, there is no way to avoid that. The fact that they are set in a familial relationship doesn't negate that. Some of the ways that the DSMP characters get treated would be distinctly non-familial if you ever brought it out of that context. And I am just warning people, if you bring it out of that context, be prepared for the response you get.

You cannot take DSMP tropes and apply them one-to-one in other fandoms, with other streamers swapped in, and expect them to be read the same way. Like i'm sorry, but that's just true. If you are posting the same sort of stuff that for Cellbit & Phil that you would post for Tommy & Phil, people will assume that you have a daddy kink, because usually when a relationship between a adults that are actually similar in age is refered to with paternal language it's a kink thing. That is how the broader internet works. (And anon, if I had a daddy kink, would I be complaining about the fact that I can open any SBI fic and have about a 40% chance of hitting it and I'm seeing signs of this appearing in QSMP? I assure you I'm not "projecting [my] own experiences onto them" here.)

[generational-atrophy]

Can I request Russia x reader? Ivan loves PDA and his S/O looks small and not dangerous. But one day S/O beats the shit out of Alfred because he made fun of Ivan's PDA.

hetalia with a small s/o who stands up for him

1.0k words ~ gender neutral headcanons + scenario

tw: swearing, alfred is a dick

a/n: ivan i vlove you sosososoosos much . did u guys know that hes my favouritest boy in all the lands????

A small and adorable S/O is exactly what Ivan wants in a partner!

He's very aware of how ironic it is that you two are together, and he can't help but find it a little entertaining at least. Normally, he pretends he doesn't though. He'd never admit it unless it was in a completely concealed joke.

You always come with him everywhere. Sometimes it's because he wants to show you off, sometimes it's because he wants you to lose it and go off on people. Every time you defend him, his heart nearly bursts out of his chest (It has done that before. Physically. It was horrifying) with love and adoration.

It just means the world to him that you think he's worth standing up for. Almost no one has ever done that for him before.

So obviously, he's very protective of you in return. Especially considering how people treat you as well, he's thrown a couple of people out of places (Again, physically) for you before.

He knows that you can defend yourself, but you're just so small and delicate! Like an adorable woodland critter! And if you got hurt under his watch, he could never forgive himself.

Also, yes, Ivan would LOOOVE PDA.

Even at the most inappropriate of times. He doesn't have any social awareness at the best of times, but when he sees you, his single shred of shame goes flying out the window.

As shy as he may be, he's not shy with you. Besides, when he’s affectionate, he gets to show the rest of his friends how much his S/O loves him <3 which is always a priority.

As soon as you two arrived at the G8 afterparty, you knew it was going to turn bad. A bunch of thousand-year-old men with a million issues with each other, getting drunk at some random American bar? Well, what could go wrong? That's what Ivan asked, at least. But really you were asking yourself, what could go right?

Yao wasted no time in calling you over, and Alfred wasted no time getting shitfaced. How they let him drink that much when he looked barely 21 and had an ID with a moustache drawn on it, you'll never know.

As you watched him begin hounding the bartender to play something more “patriotic,” Francis nudged you in the side.

”Just like his father, eh?“ He commented, causing you and Ivan to chuckle lightly.

That chaos continued for hours, with the two of you eventually joining in on the drinking. The tab that the 9 of you racked up must've been the budget of all of New York, but that's what government pensions are for, right? Besides, it's not often the group could get along without tearing each other apart. Might as well enjoy yourselves.

Well, enjoy yourselves for the most part. Because the moment Alfred dared to say a single thing about holding down his drink, Ivan of course had to challenge him. Despite the pleas of everyone around them, their boyish pride was not swayed in the slightest.

Alfred didn't last long. To everyone else that was inevitable, but it seems the young man didn't appreciate being outdone.

”Well, of course, you won! All you people do is drink!“ He slurred, holding onto the table for support as he approached Ivan, who didn't seem to care about the American's taunts.

”I do plenty of things, Alfred.“

”Yeah, like make your entire family hate you?“ Ivan's smile didn't falter, but he visibly tensed.

”Funny, I believe I could say the same thing to you!“

”I don't need my family, that's why I don't hang out with those weird Europeans! But you? Ever since your sisters abandoned you, your- your life has been a trainwreck!” He exclaims, breaking into laughter.

Ivan's smile faltered, and the air in the room became cold. The other nations turned to face the two, fearing the worst already.

“Don't say these things, you know they are not true,” His eyes flicker to you for a moment.

“If that's true, name a single thing that's gone well for you in the last 10- no, fuck, 30 years!”

“Simple, my lovely partner-”

“Yeah, your partner who you spend every waking moment being gross with!” 

Ivan failed to respond to that, his cheeks turning just the slightest bit pink.

“It’s almost like you’re trying to prove that they love you. Which like-” He started laughing again, “We all know you’re just paying them to date y-”

Alfred's speech was cut off as you launched your fist directly into his face.

He pulled back, looking at you in absolute disbelief. When he held a hand to his face again, he found it wet with blood leaking from his nose.

“You-” He started to say.

“Stop being an ass to my boyfriend”

Alfred's drunken face contorted in rage, standing up and immediately towering over you.  

“How- You’re so little- Wh-”

“OK! That's enough everyone! Let's go home now!” Ludwig forced both of you to step back, frantically trying to diffuse the situation.

“Yeah- I- I have to go as well...” Francis added, looking between you and Alfred in panic.

“M-Me too…” Japan sputtered out, already packing his bags.

-

As you and Ivan rode the metro to return to your shared hotel room, you sat in silence. At first, you thought it was because he was upset. With you? With Alfred's comments? You'd learned it was better not to ask.

At least, that's what you thought until you noticed the smile plastered on his face. Despite that, he failed to say barely anything the entire time.

That was until you two stepped onto the station platform, when he turned to you and said softly, “Thank you, my dear.”

“For... punching your friend?”

”Of course. What else?“

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

Was Qubo actually coming back?

So I heard a rumor that's been going around that The Qubo Channel, an American children's tv channel that ran from 2007-2021, was coming back in 2023 and this idiot fan did everything they could to make it seem real, videos and everything but it all turned out to be fake. They said that the company E Scripps announced it but they never did and this random person made an entire wiki page of it too. Qubo is officially never coming back, although I hope someone will have a solution or come up with a replacement kids channel. It's sad that kids have nothing that genuinely teaches them good lessons, besides Bluey. Don't get me wrong, I love Bluey, Bluey's awesome but it's like the only thing that kids can watch nowadays that's good for them. In my opinion, you need MORE THAN ONE SHOW! You don't have to have as many shows as I did growing up, but you can't only just have one show either.

I'll admit I was more of a tv kid, but I grew up in a small, dumpy town in Pennsylvania and I had no siblings or kids in the neighborhood to play with. I also never really had close friends at school who I got to hang out with outside of school, because school days lasted long and we were private people. When I got home, I'd most likely draw, watch tv, or take a nap. I did spend time outside but not in the autumn and winter as much because I hated cold, especially when I got older. I did watch a lot more tv than most kids did but it wasn't an unhealthy amount. I also wasn't really a Disney movie kid as much either. Disney channel? Yes, but I didn't really watch much of their animated movies growing up, especially not the older ones that everyone else grew up with. I had older parents and also was raised by my grandma, and no siblings so it's not like we had family movies nights like some families. Being an only child, I was basically the boss of the tv and my mom grew up playing outside and not much of a tv kid, so she just let me watch the kids shows that were playing on tv. Just to clear things up, I was born in November of 2002 and my mom gave birth to me when she was 42 years old, so a lot of stuff from her time wasn't really meant for kids. So yeah, I mostly just grew up watching tv channels. I was lucky enough to have Qubo, Sprout and the Nickelodeon and Disney channels. Lucky for me, I didn't watch much Cartoon Network, which in my opinion was kind of a good thing because a lot of stuff back then was inappropriate. Thank God I had more relaxing and... less unhinged shows to watch on channels like Sprout and Qubo. I know Qubo had its fair share of weird shows like Grossology and Being Ian, but most of the Qubo shows were good. In fact, some of my favorite shows ever came from Qubo!

Let's have a little talk about a well known Canadian show that was based off a book series, called "Scaredy Squirrel". If you were in Canada, you probably watched Scaredy Squirrel on YTV or Treehouse, but us Americans watched it on Cartoon Network, Disney X.D or Qubo. I was the kid who watched it on Qubo because I ignored the Cartoon Network channel growing up and I think around 2013 was when I started to hate Disney so... yeah. I became a fan of Scaredy Squirrel through Qubo and that show means so much to me. Another show that means a lot to me is called "Marvin the tap-dancing Horse" which originally aired on PBS kids for like 2 years, as part of a block called the "Bookworm bunch" which only lasted a short time and plus, I wasn't even born yet. I got introduced to Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse through the Qubo Channel and I absolutely fell in love with it. Honestly, those are both very underrated shows and deserve an actual FANDOM rather than 3 fans. A few people I know have at least heard of Scaredy Squirrel barely anyone has heard of Marvin the dancing horse (and yes, Marvin is based off a book too). I highly recommend those shows, as well as many others!

Cable tv is kind of shutting down now anyway, and it's sad. All we have now is streaming services and a lot of them just don't have those nice kids shows that Qubo had. A lot of those shows were cute and not too overstimulating for the younger kids, and almost everything they have now is for older kids. Sprout became Universal Kids, which is more for older kids and they didn't need to do that. We need more things for little kids too. Also, as a 21 year old with trauma, I don't like rough adult shows like South park and Hazbin hotel, I want more calming shows like Scaredy Squirrel and Toddworld. (Also, I'll put a list of my favorite shows from Qubo in my last paragraph).

I hope one day I can make my own tv channel or streaming service to replace Qubo or Sprout, but nothing can really "replace" my favorite channels growing up. Also, if you want some relaxing kids shows from Qubo to watch, I'll give you some;

Scaredy Squirrel, Toddworld, Stella & Sam, Timothy goes to school, Marvin the Tap-Dancing Horse, Maggie & the Ferocious Beast, Harry & his Bucket of Dinosaurs, Miss Spider Sunny Patch, Babar, Veggietales, Gofrette, I Spy, My Friend Rabbit, Sandra the Fairytale Detective, Willa's Wild Life, Pecola, Turbo Dogs, Sidekick, and Stickin' Around (although there's a trigger warning).

Tell me what you think and if you agree! Are you too a Qubo or Sprout fan?

[ninyard]

Could we have more about rowan or paris idk hc, love life and etc if you don’t mind, i love your ocs sm !!

oh thinking about this. thinking about my boys in love!!!!!

rowan? rowan has a lot of guilt about love and so i think it's really difficult for him to settle into a normal relationship, or to even admit that he has feelings for another man. i actually think for quite a while after he comes home, he struggles a lot with his sexuality again because he's spent so long burying it down that when it starts to come up for him again, it comes up with a lot of difficult feelings and memories and it... almost feels like a punishment for him. when he finds someone, and starts to get close to them, these feelings that feel like love or a crush end up getting confused with something wrong or dirty or inappropriate or sinful. he definitely swears himself off of love for quite some time, thinking it's just not for him. but at some point he breaks, he finds peace in his religion again, he speaks to other queer people who were able to find a space in their spirituality where their queerness can sit comfortably. being on the foxes and meeting a whole bunch of fucked up kids with fucked up pasts and fucked up relationships with their families, and sexualities, and existences? it's healing, at some point.

(i still think a lot about rowan casually dropping his lore into conversation at some point, like having a conversation with the foxes and offhandedly mentioning that he was in conversion therapy and the victim of religious institutional abuse like 🤪✌️)

paris is a lover, but he's really oblivious sometimes. you could kiss his stupid face and tell him you love him and he would still be like... as friends?

paris loves his friends, and while he's a tough nut to crack to get to know, once you know him, he'd have you questioning constantly "what are we?". He cuddles, he hugs, he'll fight tooth and nail for anyone that he loves. he had a longterm girlfriend in high school, but they broke up just before he left for edgar allan on pretty good terms and it was a mutual agreement, no bad feelings. it came about as they both realised they were going to opposite sides of the country for college, they were such good friends, they just both knew they couldn't make it work. knowing he was going to EAU he was aware of their kind-of "social media" policy which meant they wouldnt even really be able to speak at all. he called her when he was in town after coming back from eau for the week or two he was there, and they hooked up, but it was weird - she knew something was wrong, he didn't want to talk about it, and then it wasn't long before he moved to california afterwards.

for the couple months before he started classes at USC, he was seeing a guy who was on the football team. it was a very no-questions-asked kind of deal that they had, the footballer wasn't out, and paris wasn't emotionally able for anything serious at that stage. the guy he was sleeping with didn't ask him much about who he was, and paris didn't really care enough to get to know him any better either. he hated it, in a way, being so emotionally unavailable with someone, feeling so disconnected personally with someone he was sleeping with, but at that point he didn't really care. it didn't mean anything for him, it was just a stress release, and when they stopped seeing each other and paris started going to training and eventually to classes, he really started to... push his feelings inwards a little bit. he reminded himself to stay guarded, and for a while after that he didn't let anybody in too close again. a couple of nameless casual hookups here and there, but nothing serious.

paris is really flexible when it comes to labels and types of relationships he's interested in. he's done it all, really, and he's pretty much okay with anything so long as everyones comfortable. he finds it hard to be vulnerable in serious relationships, and usually just opts for hookups and one night stands. he's kind of more into non-monogamous situationships because they're less "stress" for him and much easier to navigate in his eyes. once he cracks, when he hits that wall in USC where he can't hold himself together anymore, and he starts going to therapy and being more honest about what happened to him, he opens himself up to the idea of dating again.

paris' dating life is confusing, because on the one hand he wants to be loved, but on the other hand he's forgotten how to be loved, how to act when he feels loved. he is so affectionate and cares so much but he can't let anyone in close enough to show it. same as rowan, he gets there eventually, but its a slow journey, that he keeps rushing himself into and either hurts himself or the other person in the process.

(@joanofexys knows a bit about how he gets on in his dating life once he goes pro. but thats for another day <3)

[vesicapiscean]

long dream post

another really strange and way too lucid dream when I took a nap just now. EARLY in the dream, mom had used my yeast to make some bread but she did it soooo wrong but she was like made a million loaves of bread but with a lot of dough left over? and she was like dont touch anything in there!!! I was upset becasue I was planning on making a special loaf with it for the celebration this weekend. so i was like. then my sisters showed up and they were like “dude i’m pissed. its only 2 and all the adults are already drunk and i want to go home” so i was like talking to them and comforting them. One of them started popping a bottle of champagne and I was like are you crazy, thats what made you so upset the first time and no im not going to drink that. but then I felt bad for shooting her down so I had a glass.

Throughout the dream I had the feeling like I was in class and I had an assignment due (I fell asleep in the middle of doing homework). but I was in some highly collegiate professors house and I felt like i was being tested or a part of some sort of trial. the thing that made me think it was a test being put on by someone was because there was a guy who was older and i felt like he was one of my teachers, and he was asking me so many nonsensical and irrelevant questions it felt SO WEIRD like an interview for a job with some kind of strange backstory I didnt know about and he had this girl like a young sharp professional girl following him around and being one step ahead of him on everything. then something weird happened where he opened up this staircase that came down from the ceiling and was a lot like a climbing thing at a kids park like made of ropes. the girl followed him up there and then fell through it and landed on her face on the floor. so then i went to her and was like “are you okay? that was inappropriate and dangerous im sorry you had to go through that” and she left. then another girl came in with her family and they spoke another language or at least were from a foreign country and she seemed to replace the first girl and she was upset over something going on with her family so i was talking to her and comforting her.

then when she left a group of like 4 kids from a nonverbal tribal foreign place were there amongst a bunch of other kids. and they were confusing me and trying to ask me things and i was trying to be gentle with them but they were kinda crazy. and all the kids were fighting and blaming each other for stuff and i was trying to calm everyone down. while this was happening I got a text from a guy i used to know saying "hey when can we squeeze in a time to play one last game together" and before I got a chance to text back he was like "oh nevermind. I can see that youre going through something" or something along those lines.

back to the kids, I couldnt figure out how to comfort all of them at the same time, i ended up spraying everyone with a hose and being like OKAY. NOW EVERYONES WET. WHAT SHOULD WE DO. so i made sure that everyone had a towel and then i was like ok everyone. take your towel and dry up you face and hair really fast and crazy! and now stand up and dry off your body! great job!

this is the crazy part i just remembered. there were two adult disabled dudes living next door across a fence, cause all this was taking place in the professors back yard. and i was like do you guys know what's going on? and they were like yeah, hes always doing stuff like this. and i was like asking them more about it and one of them who had a really messed up face was like “do you want the embarrassing truth or what he usually tells people” AND THEN I WOKE UP

[petalboundtovanish]

Wtf was the nightmare i just had. It will be disturbing so have caution while reading it

This famous actor turned out to be my cousin's husband. They had a daughter and we were at a birthday party. But the dance number he did with her was super inappropriate and sexual. So i interrupt the show to yell at him for being insane for organizing something like that. But he was really confused. Everyone was. He told me that we should have a nice calm conversation so he can see what he did wrong. No one could see what was so wrong. My entire family started coming up to me and asking me if i was okay. Suddenly, i started getting a really bad headache, so i thought that maybe there was something wrong with me. I went to my weird grandma's room who records everything with a vintage camera (she doesn't exist in real life). And this is where it gets weird.

I suddenly remember that im actually watching a horror movie by this really famous female director and that a scary part is about to start. Meanwhile, i and the protagonist of the movie are rewinding the tape to see what really happened. But strange things are appearing as im watching it. The tape becomes really scary, and i back away from the lens in fear. But as i do, im transported to an alternate reality. I am lying down in bed, and three masked people with screwdrivers are sitting and watching me. I can see behind their white masks that they are grinning. Then, i see a youtube analysis of this part. He's saying that im about to do everything in the wrong order. Instead of checking the masked people and figuring out their deal, i will start running down the stairs, and they will kill me. As soon as the video ends, i can see myself doing exactly that, and im no longer in control of my body, despite trying to save myself because i now also know im about to die. The masked people start the chase. They beat me when they come near me and eventually manage to break my legs. But im still not giving up. I try to escape down the stairs, and as i do, i start falling down the stairs and hitting my head. There is no pain, but i can hear a really horrible banging noise and it scares me Then, im split between two worlds. I can see myself in my reality falling down the stairs, and the injuries coincide with everything that's happening in the other world. The split between worlds ends when i reach the bottom of the stairs, unable to move and dying from the injuries. The stairs were a portal back to my reality, but it was too late. Then, i am no longer myself. I am a daughter, watching my mother fall down and quickly die.

I grew up, and I am pregnant and carrying some laundry when i think of what happened with my mother, and also fall due to shock. I somehow fall into the washing machine and get grievously injured. Then, i am her husband, coming to her because i heard a commotion. When i see her at the stairs/washing machine (they're the same place somehow), i start running, but slip on the vomit from my wife. I pass out for a while, and when i wake up, i see more of that strange mix of vomit and blood, but it is all lumpy and gray. I somehow get up and check the washing machine to see if my family is alright. The door is open. I look inside and see toys, and on top of them, a placenta and more grey blood. I am horrified and thinking that im about to find both my wife and my baby dead. I start digging through the toys, and as i do, im no longer the husband. I am now watching him via the movie. I see a rabbit fall down and then a bunch of gore falling around it. It's finally red. I think it's a beautiful and respectful way to show a baby dying.

I wake up as the wife. I look at my husband and already know what he is about to tell me. I briefly see my real self looking at a wikipedia page about the movie, explaining the plot. Its an intersection of 8 unrelated stories about strange events and the powers that are based around their worlds. But as we watch the movie, we will see how related they actually are. Im scared and dont want to watch the movie anymore, but i have to. I am back to the wife, and my husband is surprised to see me so calm. How did i know i would survive? I smile, and tell him its because my son gave me his eyes and with them his gift. I can tell im about to be forced into another flashback. But i dont see the washing machine incident. I see the wife, and i am her, as the son's gift is slowly driving me insane. I can really know the future, but i also think everything is apples. There is horrible music that makes me unable to think as i look at my arms, and the only thought that manages to escape is how delicious they look. I am recoiling at myself in disgust, and as i do, i finally WAKE UP!!!

I was about to fall asleep again, but I knew that i couldn't do that since i have issues with my nightmares simply continuing when i do that. So, I've been typing this up for the past 30 minutes. I feel a little better now, but im still disturbed. I hope writing this down makes me not dream this stuff again. If anyone actually read this far, i apologise for the grammar mistakes.

[hauntedselves]

here's the big self dx email i'm going to send to my psychologist. (the diagnostic parts of it at least). i prefaced it with a bunch of "please don't think i'm being attention seeking though attention seeking is part of npd which i'm self dx'ing as having traits of so if that counts towards it then you can totally think i'm being attention seeking but i've put a hell of a lot of time and thought into this i didnt just read the dsm criteria and decide i had it thanks~"

Schizotypal Personality Disorder: I know there’s a lot of overlap with autism and borderline personality disorder, but I really think I meet the criteria for a 3 of those separately. I honestly think I meet every single criteria for schizotypal PD to at least some degree.

Ideas of reference – I do get these, I tend to see “signs” and omens in a lot of things, like songs on the radio or a particular bird flying overhead. They tend to be small things that I notice and think that it’s directed at me or meant for me to see.

Odd beliefs or magical thinking - One thing is that I often see something nearby (usually my glasses case or something similarly non-reflective) flashing and when I look directly at it it stops, and I get the feeling that it’s being “cheeky”. I guess some of my more psychotic thoughts fit here too (I talk about them below). One thing I have is that I feel like I need to watch any plane or helicopter that flies over until I can’t see it anymore because if I don’t it’ll explode and then all the people will die, which will be my fault because I didn’t watch it to make sure it doesn’t happen. Even though I know that doesn’t make any sense and hundreds of planes fly around without me ever seeing them and they’re perfectly safe! I also avoid looking at myself in mirrors at night because the “mirror demons” can get me then.

Unusual perceptions/illusions – apparently dissociation comes under this which we know I experience a lot. Also apparently it’s fairly common for people with schizotypal personality disorder to feel like their faces look weird or not really recognising themselves which I struggle with, though that could also be dissociation.

Odd thinking & speech - I think this one is more for other people to judge than me. I think my thoughts are different to others but of course I don’t know other’s thoughts so I’m only going off people not understanding me when I try to explain something in a way that makes perfect sense to me. (I’ve had this problem with essays, where my teachers don’t get how I got to a conclusion or what my reasoning is when it makes sense to me).

Suspicion or paranoia – I get paranoid a lot when I’m driving and someone seems to be following me, for example. I’ve sometimes gone down a different street or taken a different route when I don’t need to so I can “shake them”. The two times I’ve been in hospital I get paranoid about the medication they give me, I’m scared it’s going to be some kind of mind control drug or something other than what it is. (Doesn’t stop me from taking it though).

Inappropriate or flat emotional affect – Also something more for others to judge and not me. Also part of autism so I don’t know.

Strange behaviour or appearance – Another one for others to judge. I don’t think I do have strange behaviour or looks aside from what could be dismissed as autistic awkwardness.

Lack of close friends, other than family – yes. I did have one friend but she stopped talking to me and I don’t know why. I didn’t make any friends throughout uni, (granted 2 years were fully online), and I was on good terms with the people in my class at Tafe but not enough to keep in contact with them.

Social anxiety – We’ve talked about social anxiety before. I remember when I was seeing [old psych] she asked about it and I said it was like a fear of being seen, as in known/understood. Like I’m scared of getting close to people I guess. Which I also want which makes it tricky! I don’t really want friends because I find other people so hard to relate to and figure out, but I do also want friends, I get lonely.

Obsessive ruminations – I do have these and I’ve talked about it below. I think a lot about things like violence and gore and cannibalism (ties into my werewolf thing) but it doesn’t disturb me. I think a lot about sex as well but not in a fantasising way, just… thinking about it. I often have the exact same thought multiple times a day, sometimes quickly and sometimes hours in between. It gets to the point where I tell myself “I’ve already thought about all this, stop going over it again and again!”. There’s one particular thought that I’ve had pop into my head for years, it’s the exact same sentence every time.

Dyscalculia: I’m not sure if this is in some other medical ballpark or psychological, so I don’t know if you’re the right person to talk to about this one, but I’m 100% sure I have this.

I can’t tell the time on an analog clock, I can’t tell left from right, I failed maths in high school (and just barely passed the easiest required level of maths in college) and I would definitely fail a maths test now.

I have to count on my hands for even simple maths, I can’t look at a group of something and tell how many are there without counting them, I don’t know the times tables (even the 2x table, I get to 12 and then I have to actually think about it).

I’m terrible at budgeting and knowing how much I’ll have left over if something costs whatever amount and I have however much money.

I never remember if Tuesday or Thursday comes first which I think is a sequencing problem that’s part of dyscalculia?

I can’t read maps very well, I struggle with directions and distances, and I struggle with time (keeping track of time, how long something will take, if something takes 5 minutes I don’t know if it’s actually been 5 minutes or not).

I can’t work out money, like for example when I worked at the shop on the cash register I didn’t know how to work it (because no one showed me) so I was working out the change by hand and always got it wrong (the customers would have to tell me which was always embarrassing!).

Apparently spatial awareness and proprioception issues are part of dyscalculia too which I definitely struggle with (learning to drive was scary because of this). (Also an autism thing).

Schizoid Personality Disorder: I think I have some traits of this but not the full on thing. This one also overlaps with autism (and schizotypal and borderline personality disorders) so I’m willing to accept it’s just that.

Doesn’t enjoy close relationships - yes and no. I like friendships but not making them, and they often seem a lot more trouble than they’re worth. But I still get lonely.

Almost always chooses to be alone – yes, I’m much more comfortable alone than with others. Some of it is social anxiety, some of it is just… it’s nicer that way.

Asexual – yes, we’ve talked about that. Though I would like to mention I’m also bisexual, on the very rare occasions when I am attracted to people.

Finds little pleasure in activities – sometimes, though I think this is more of a depression thing. I do struggle with anhedonia & avolition a fair bit though

Lacks close friends, other than family – already talked about above.

Appears indifferent to praise or criticism – yeah… I like getting praise but I also don’t really care if I don’t? Unless it’s something super important to me. Same with criticism, I don’t care unless it’s very important.

Flat/cold emotional affect – also something for other people to judge.

(These are from the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual):

Highly sensitive, shy, easily overstimulated – I’m not highly sensitive but I am shy and easily overwhelmed. That’s probably just autism though.

Fear of & longing for closeness – Yes, already talked about that

Emotional pain when overstimulated – I don’t really know what this means, unless it’s talking about emotions being overwhelming when you’re already overwhelmed? Which is true for me.

Feels like dependency and love are dangerous – I do feel like this sometimes but I think it’s more of a trauma response

Physically withdraws and mentally withdraws into fantasy – yes, but also a trauma/dissociation/autism thing

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: this one I’m not so sure of… I feel like the furthest away from narcissistic as you can get. But at the same time I relate to a lot of the more covert symptoms and experiences, though again that might just be the result of other things like borderline personality disorder and autism.

Grandiosity - One thing I attribute to this is what I call “selfish selflessness”, where I want to be the best at caring for people (mum, mostly). I want to be the most caring and thoughtful person but not because it’s a good thing to be or it benefits others, but because it would make people think highly of me. I’m thinking of the benefits I get from benefiting others. It’s so I will be appreciated, I will be the favourite child/friend/etc, I will be the most loving (and therefore the most loved…) – I’m doing nice things for others for me, not for them, even though they think it’s for them (and I let them think that). (Obviously other people are just happy that I’m doing whatever nice thing for them so it’s not actually a problem, I just don’t think this is why you’re supposed to do it!). I also see myself as superior to people who don’t do nice things for others. For example if I do something nice for mum but none of my siblings do, I think of myself as better than them.

Fantasies of power/success/ideal love - do revenge fantasies count as power, and imagining your ideal life [of being an unemployed hermit on a small farm lol] as success? Does “ideal” have to mean in a “this is what capitalist society sees as ideal” or can it be a personal ideal?

Belief of being special/unique - well… yeah… in a “I’m special/unique because I’m [insert marginalised identity] and therefore should be treated differently/better” way? like, “I’m The Most Mentally Ill”..

Requires admiration – I don’t know about this one… I do feel like I need positive/impressed reactions to my social media posts but I think that’s probably pretty normal

Sense of entitlement - see above

Exploitative - yeah, but like I said above, it’s a hidden sort of exploitation where others think it benefits them too

Lacks empathy - I don’t think I feel empathy, or at least not very much. I find it hard to believe that people actually feel what other people are feeling… how would anyone get anything done if they’re feeling other people’s emotions as well as their own! I don’t think my lack of empathy is a problem (I don’t lack compassion which I think is more important), I just wanted to make a note of it.

Envious or believes others are envious of them - Not really. I am envious in terms of like “I wish I was rich so I didn’t have to struggle through life” or “I wish I had a caring partner like so-and-so” but I think that’s normal

Arrogant - internally, yes, but not outwardly?

I think I do have fragile self-esteem & need others to boost it, but only to some extent. I’m also not a perfectionist.

There’s a psychologist named Elinor Greenberg whose written about “covert narcissism” which I think I fit some of. She says covert narcissists are conflicted about attention because they’re scared of it but also craves and needs it. I think that’s true for me, but it also sounds more like a trauma response than narcissism. She talks about using ‘acts of service’ as their way of being admired, which I mentioned before. She also says that people with covert narcissism have trouble with assertiveness and have trouble saying no, which we know I struggle with.

Some kind of eating disorder. Ones that stand out for me in particular: Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa. These are tricky because it might just be autism sensory issues plus gender dysphoria and internalised fatphobia, but it also might not be. When I was living alone I would have definitely fit the bill for binge eating disorder, but since moving back home I don’t anymore. That’s just one to keep an eye on for when I move out again. Anorexia I think is more in my thoughts than my actions, since my actions (i.e. avoiding food) are more driven by sensory issues and executive functioning. But I definitely have thoughts and urges of food restriction. So another one to keep an eye on. I just remembered that we once talked about this and how it could be a sort of “subconscious self-deprivation”, like a “you don’t deserve to eat” thing rather than a “don’t eat so you’ll get skinny” thing. Though it definitely has elements of both. Plus the hunger cues problems we’ve talked about before, and the general disinterest in food and sensory issues. I also hate eating food in public because I feel like I’m being judged, which is probably around body image and fatphobia and maybe schizotypal ideas of reference?

Possibly Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder: we’ve spoken before about attention and executive functioning problems, and how it can be because of dissociation (and autism?). I’m on the fence about this one, I know ADHD and autism have a lot of overlap. I definitely don’t have any hyperactive symptoms (except sometimes restlessness but that’s probably normal now and then). But I relate a lot to what I hear people with ADHD say about their attention problems and need for stimulation.

If something is boring, I have a really hard time getting myself to do it, and we’ve talked a lot about procrastination problems.

I have trouble paying attention for more than say, half an hour at most. (I admit I zone out during our sessions occasionally…).

I have trouble planning out things like assignments, I find it easier just to jump in. But that often makes my essays seem all over the place and unstructured. (I also never proofread them or did drafts or anything which didn’t help…).

I’ve always had this problem where my brain is just. really noisy? It got better when I started antidepressants (I remember telling the doctor who prescribed them that my brain was quieter and she gave me this weird look) but it’s still such a problem that it interferes with getting to sleep. It feels like there’s “layers” to my thoughts, with conscious thinking on top and then underneath there’s subconscious thinking (things like, “I’m hungry”, “it’s raining” etc), usually a song or two playing, a daydream, a clip from a movie or a part of a book (I don’t think this is what most people mean when they say something is “playing on their mind” but for me it’s literally like there’s a DVD player in my brain with whatever part of a movie I’m thinking about playing on a loop)

Whenever I read someone’s experience of getting medicated for ADHD I always wish that I could try ADHD medication because it sounds amazing.

I also think I have auditory processing issues which seem linked to ADHD (also not sure if that’s a psychiatric thing or a medical thing).

There’s an ADHD expert (Richard Barkley...?) who’s come up with something called “sluggish cognitive tempo” which I relate to a lot. All that said, I know that ADHD has a lot of overlap with autism so it could just be that.

Possibly Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder traits: mostly because of my obsession with diagnoses, really. I had symptoms of this when I was a kid (repetitive hand washing, obsessing over natural disasters, impulses around symmetry and needing things to be Just Right…) and probably would’ve been diagnosed if I had seen someone about it then, but not now. I think it was probably some kind of trauma response? I think I ruminate a lot now (as in schizotypal PD) but not to an OCD degree, except I am obsessive about finding disorders that I may or may not have. I do find it interesting but I don’t really get any joy out of it, and it takes up a lot of my time, which is why I’ve thought sometimes about having traits of OCD (definitely not the full disorder though).

Complex PTSD: you’ve said “complex trauma” a lot but I don’t know what that means in a diagnostic sense. I think we’ve spoken enough about trauma that I don’t really need to justify why I think I have CPTSD.

Emotional dysregulation – we’ve talked about this a lot

Feeling worthless & guilty/ashamed – yes.

Relationship problems – I don’t know… I’ve talked a fair bit about relationships in the above parts. I do feel like I don’t really belong a lot. Like I’m different from other people in some deep, fundamental way and not in a good or special sense.

Plus PTSD & trauma symptoms and DID and dissociation…

I also want to bring up some reoccurring psychotic thoughts I have. The werewolf/dog one is there all the time, though sometimes stronger than other times (full moons always). The other most frequent one is being dead, which is there say… 8 days out of 10. I also quite often believe that my cat is actually a very lifelike robot. The other reoccurring ones are feeling like I only exist when others are interacting with me (which we already talked about and probably is more a dissociation/trauma thing but I think it could be both that and psychosis-ish) and sometimes I feel like I’m a prophet of some kind. I don’t know for who. It’s more feeling sort of like a god or like I’m supposed to have some higher purpose I guess. I also believe there’s a little wolf (sometimes a snake) who lives in my stomach and eats my feelings which is why it’s hard to feel them. None of these are particularly distressing except for the not existing one. I also used to think a lot that people (dad in particular) could read my mind, and to prevent my thoughts from being broadcast I would imagine a sort of cocoon around me that kept my thoughts in. I haven’t had to do that for a while, but it used to be multiple times a day. I think all of these psychotic experiences could be part of schizotypal PD but if they warrant a different disorder then I’m open to that too.

I recently found out about something called “pathological demand avoidance”… I absolutely did that as a kid and still do to some degree. That doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of this email, I just remembered about it and wanted to note it. I guess it’s similar to the self-sabotage in borderline PD?

---

phew. that's a lot. tumblr kept telling me there was a 4096 text characters per block limit lol...

(keep in mind this was written for my psychologist as the audience and not for general tumblr so when i say "you" or "we" i'm referring to her & i, not YOU or you in a general sense. and some of it i literally copy-pasted from posts i've made here about "i think i have x" lol.

[stargazer-sims]

Found Family

Nikolai: Charlie, you're still up?

Charlie: Yeah. I'm trying to reply to a bunch of messages. My inbox is blowing up.

Nikolai: After your big news today, I'm not surprised. It's getting late, though. Shouldn't you be sleeping?

Charlie: You mean. like Eden?

Nikolai: He was out the second he closed his eyes.

Charlie: He does that. It's like he's either full-on or completely shut down, you know?

Nikolai: Yes, I do know. I decided I'd better bring him in here. He'll be better off in bed than on the sofa.

Charlie: Man, I should have a dollar for every time Dad or you carried Eden to bed over the years. I could probably buy something really nice. Incidentally, I didn't know you still could carry him.

Nikolai: He's not very big.

Charlie: Yeah, but you're not as young as you used to be.

Nikolai: *laughing* Excuse me, sir. Are you calling me old?

Charlie: Uh... sorry. Anyway, the part that really amazes me isn't that you can carry him, but that somebody can lift and move him and he doesn't even wake up. He literally sleeps like he's unconscious.

Nikolai: Which is why I didn't bother trying to wake him and get him to go to bed on his own. This is actually easier.

Charlie: The wildest part is that he'll wake up in the morning and not even question the fact that he's waking up in a different place than where he fell asleep. He'll just assume that you put him in bed.

Nikolai: All part of my job, apparently.

Charlie: I kinda doubt that.

Nikolai: Oh? What makes you say so?

Charlie: ‘Cause I think this stopped being a job for you a long time ago. Yeah, you actually are his coach, but we all know it’s way more than that.

Nikolai: I suppose it is, and I don’t know if there’s even a fitting word for it. Between us, we don’t need a word, but saying ‘student’ and ‘coach’ just makes things easier for everyone else.

Charlie: You know, some people probably think it’s inappropriate and weird.

Nikolai: Some people do think that, and those people are entitled to think what they like.

Charlie: It doesn’t bother you?

Nikolai: Should it?

Charlie: It’d bother me.

Nikolai: When you realize you love someone who isn’t biologically related to you, maybe you’ll feel differently.

Charlie: Maybe. I mean, maybe you have to love someone else to be able to understand different relationships, too. I’ve never loved anyone outside my family before, and the times I thought I did, it just turned out to be either infatuation or lust. But, it’s not like any of that with you and Eden, is it?

Nikolai: No. I can assure you it’s definitely nothing like that.

Charlie: I think I always knew it wasn’t. Like, when you tell Eden you love him, it’s just.. normal. Not inappropriate or creepy or anything, like it’d be if some other guy your age hugged or touched him and said that. But, I also know it’s not the same as when Mommy and Dad say they love us.

Nikolai: I don't know how to explain it.

Charlie: I don't think you have to. You don't owe an explanation to anybody, and neither does Eden.

Eden: *sleepily* Nikolai… ?

Nikolai: I'm right here.

Eden: *mumbling* Wha’s goin' on? You talkin' 'bout me?

Nikolai: Just saying I love you.

Eden: Don't leave, 'kay?

Nikolai: Don't worry. Go back to sleep. I'll still be here in the morning.

Eden: Mm-hmm...

Charlie: Wow. Wish I could fall back to sleep that fast whenever I wake up. in the night.

Nikolai: I'm not sure he was fully awake.

Charlie: Are we gonna leave him sleeping in his clothes?

Nikolai: You might want to take his hair tie off, but he’s in sweats, so he should be comfortable enough otherwise.

Charlie: Okay. So, I take it you're not going back to the guest house tonight?

Nikolai: It's raining and it's dark. With my sense of direction, I'd likely get lost if I tried to find my way back there tonight. If it's all the same to you, I thought I'd just crash on the sofa.

Charlie: No, don't do that. You can have my bed for tonight. I'll sleep with Eden. It's not like we aren't sleeping in each other's beds half the time anyway.

Nikolai: Okay.

Charlie: If I didn't already say it, I'm glad you're here, Nikolai. Eden missed you a lot, and he was having a really hard time with his new coach.

Nikolai: His former coach, you mean.

Charlie: I would’ve paid real money to see the look on that guy's face when Eden told him he was fired.

Nikolai: I don’t know what rattled him more, hearing that he was fired or seeing me there. He was not at all happy with me.

Charlie: You don’t seem too upset by that.

Nikolai: I was more worried for Eden than for myself.

Charlie: I'll bet he felt a lot better about it with you there, though.

Nikolai: I'm glad I could be there. It was a big decision, making this move, but I think everything's going to be okay.

Charlie: I think it will be. We were both scared coming here too, being so far from everyone we love and not knowing if stuff would work out, but after today, I'm hopeful.

Nikolai: There's a lot to be grateful for today, and a lot to be hopeful about.

Charlie: There was a lot even before today. I started to feel better when you said you were coming, 'cause I was super worried about getting the job with the band and having to leave Eden here alone while we're on tour. Like, I really wanted the job, but I almost didn't, if that makes sense? But, it's totally okay now because I know you'll look after Eden while I'm gone.

Nikolai: You're always the big brother, even if it's only by ten minutes.

Charlie: *smiling* Yeah, I guess so.

Nikolai: You don't need to worry about Eden. He's a grown man, and he can handle himself just as well as you can. I'll be here if he needs help with anything, though, and that goes for you as well. If there's ever anything you need, you can come to me. I don't mind.

Charlie: Thanks. I appreciate that.

Nikolai: It's what family's for, isn't it?

Charlie: Family? Is that how you think of me?

Nikolai: I've known you since you were thirteen, and I've eaten and slept and celebrated and cried at your parents' house so many times over the years. I don't know how else I should think of you.

Charlie: No, it's okay. I like that you think of me that way. It means a lot.

Nikolai: They say you can't choose your family, but I believe you can.

Charlie: Really?

Nikolai: Maybe from a scientific point of view, it's DNA that makes families, but the way I see it, 'family' is whoever you trust the most to stay with you no matter what happens in your life. It's the people you want to share everything with, who you want to protect, and who you go to when you need to feel safe. My real sister is that person for me, but Eden, you, Sadie and your parents... you're all of that for me, too.

[worksxofxmyxmind]

I do have to comment that the funniest thing about the chick who’s trying to take Ruth Bader Ginsburg‘s RBG and then thinking that she was so funny about insulting Senator Jasmine Crockett laughed at her own sad joke while being inappropriate at this hearing God blasted, and it is now just another messed up Meme She just keeps making herself these messed up memes because she’s an idiot and she still, being taken seriously by certain people sad

this one just doesn’t seem to get that the thing that everybody keeps bringing up was not a private event you did an indecent act in a public space surrounded by children and was vaping at a pregnant woman what is wrong with these peoples brains?

 the mental gymnastics that people have to put themselves through to criticize Joe Biden and praise Donald Trump is astounding. I have them in my family and I don’t even argue with them anymore. I just take myself out of the equation. I sat outside one of my family members house while they ranted about how Joe Biden has been an ineffective president.

Sad that debate has been replaced with bullying

To the point of her glorification of him the Orange menace look for her weird groping of a stande that she was playing with it groin area in front of a bunch of republican voters

If you watch these hearings, you see the stark lack of integrity of so many Republican senators

No more thoughts and prayers

[thegiantsansshipkidproject]

Faq

Just questions I anticipate being frequently asked. Will be extended as new questions are well... Frequently asked!

Why no dreammare? Why no Fresh x minty? Why no incest ships?

They fit the stipulation I put forward in the disqualifications page that I won't do incest related things. Itd feel like I'm condoning it or I was making it seem cute in some way and incest isn't cute/attractive and shouldn't be condoned. It literally only removes like 6 ships total out of a hundred plus possibilities, cope.

Why are all the ship kids gay/trans/etc?

Cause gay rights and gay wrongs :) there are completely cishet kids though too they are just ~ rare ~

Will you ever consider adding *insert au here*?

Like I said in my disqualifications post, if they don't fit any of those to an extreme degree, especially number 2, I will consider adding them to the second list with a bunch of other Sanses.

Can I draw these ship kids? Can I ship shipkids with other ship kids/Other characters? Can I self-ship myself with shipkids here?

Absolutely! Id love to be tagged in it too! I may even reblog the post here so others can see it! All I ask is you don't put them in ships with adult characters/gen 0 Sanses/original au Sanses (like the ones on my list), don't ship them inappropriately (like a 17 year old ship kid with a 10 yr old, have some decorum) or ship them with their siblings/half siblings/other related family. In the end, I can't stop you from drawing/writing whatever you want but I sure can ignore your art and block you >;)/srs so maybe dont tag me in or send me the art where your breaking my very simple rules.

Do you ship the ships you draw for? Do you have any ships between ship kids?

Not all of the obviously but I do have a few sans amasui ships I really love like dreamfresh, kustard, outersci and others but I tend to like rarepairs the most. Also yes! I do ship some of my ship kids together with each other (blossom and moon) and with ship kids outside of my own (like luna x goth is an ancient love of mine and Doom x lux). It's abit uncommon for me but I do ship some! None of them are really canon though so if you ship them a different way, as long as it's abiding to their sexuality, I don't mind!

What dose MLM/ILW/NbLnb mean?

These are conjoining community labels and I use them more for bi/gay/hetero curious ocs. MLM means men love(ing) men and describes a man that likes other men, this label includes bi men and gay men. When I say a male oc is MLM, I mean that he knows he likes boys but he doesn't specify his sexuality further. He could like girls or enbies or he couldn't, he's not sure yet. Oh and since it's related; ILW/ILM/ILNB means intersex/intergender so ILW means intersex/Intergender loving women. I means intersex/Intergender, W means woman, M means man and NB means nonbinary.

"lesbians can't use he/him pronouns"/"Neopronouns are stupid"/*insert some other form of lgbtphobia here*

I won't entertain this. Anyone can use any pronouns ever, Neopronouns are older than Shakespeare and all LGBT discourse is poison. " I can't physically pronounce Zey/Zem!" Ok that's why the auxiliary/acceptable exipronouns(she, he, they or it) are written right next to them :) its almost like you have no excuses to misgender and mispronoun my characters :)

What's this nonbinary character's birth sex/dead name?

Although I do know (because I made them), why do you wanna know what genitals this 5 year old character has? :) that's awful fucking weird dude. Idk about youuu :) (<- not thinking about smashing your creep ass head in/hj)

"Intersex is a sex, not a gender"

Putting this to the side because I'm intersex, I've had Perisex(non-intersex people) genuinely say this and yes, people can and have and will describe their gender as Intergender/intersex. It just means that because your intersex, you can't nessesarily be labeled as cis or trans or nonbinary. Your technically cis because you identify with your gender/sex assigned at birth and that gender/sex is intersex. Technically the label is cintersex/cintergender but Intergender is basically the same. It just means your gender is your intersexuality. It's not that complicated and if you arnt Intergender, especially if you arnt intersex at all, you have no business telling us what our gender can and can't be.

How does a 3 year old know their full gender, sexuality and pronouns?

They don't! The guide is applicable to them throughout their whole lives. That 3 year old doesn't know that their polyam and bi right at that age but when they grow up, they will know and that will be their orientation and relationship desires. The ages present are really just to show the age differences between them, their siblings and the other ship kids. That 3 yr old has a version of them in a timeline right now where they are 30 years old, its all relative.

The birthdays/orientations/genders/pronouns/etc you put for the main Sanses arnt right.

Your correct. It's because I did my own takes on them and I'm basing them off my own headcanons and also because not every creator of those Sanses ever answered those questions. Technically these ship kids could both apply to my versions as well as apply to them canonically.

How do you decide their birthdays/orientations/pronouns/etc?

I spin a wheel with all the options and just pick what it lands on! (Of course with some basic stuff like no lesbian trans men, no Aro/ace/Aroace pre-teens and below, etc)

What's your name/pronouns/gender/etc?

Although my pronouns were already added to the main post, all the information on my sona's sheet applies to me, the real Zen and runner of this blog! (I go by Zen or Zenia, I'm two spirit Genderfluid and intersex, I'm bi Arospec and polyam, my favorite color is a minty teal green, I'm 23 yrs old, my birthday is June 4th, etc etc)

If you have another question and don't see it present, like I said on the main post, please feel free to send in my inbox! I'll happily answer and if I think it could come up again, I'll add it to the FAQ so it won't need to be answered again.

[riverthebooknerd]

guys finding out that easter is this weekend was the worst fucking feeling i'm in tears rn and i need to talk about why because it's killing me

(tws in the tags)

couple weeks back, i got into an argument with my mom. she started yelling at me for a very poor reason and said some shitty things to me that i don't really wanna get into. she never apologized. neither of us have talked about it since. in fact, she's determined to pretend like nothing happened, and has been treating me like normal. i'm still very, very angry with her. i mean, she called me selfish and said that i didn't care about anyone else just because i said that i didn't want to go do something with her after she suddenly sprung it on me (nothing inappropriate/sexual, she's a jerk but not THAT kind of jerk.)

it always hits hard when my mom says shit like that. the last time it happened, i didn't eat for three days because she made a comment about how i was "living in her house and eating her food that she bought with her own hard-earned money." so, it's a weird mix of anger/guilt, because i'm technically an adult (just turned 18 not too long ago), but i am still living in her house for free.

in all honesty, she's the main reason why i hate asking for things. i always try to do things myself because my mom would call me ungrateful and selfish. yada yada, emotional abuse, something something, childhood trauma, yada yada, mommy issues. you get the idea.

but every year on easter, my parents give me and my siblings big baskets of candy- plus, my mom makes a huge dinner.

let me reiterate: i am still mad at my mom. i'm furious. i think that what she said to/about me was completely uncalled for, and i want an apology. she's been trying to act like nothing happened, but i'm not, and everyone can tell.

i don't know what i'm gonna do tomorrow.

plus, my parents want me to go to church with them. i stopped going as soon as i turned 18- i'm not religious, and they've known that for a while. for the most part, they don't push. the last time i went to church was at christmas, because they made a big fuss about my brothers and sister in law going. they're probably going to make a big fuss tomorrow, too, and refusing to go is the kind of thing that my mom yelled at me a couple weeks ago for in the first place.

so, basically, my easter is gonna be fucking miserable. i'm gonna be dragged to church, sit through an uncomfortably long service with a pastor preaching things that i don't believe in, talk to people at church about jesus and salvation (as someone who is VERY noticeably queer) while trying not to clue them in on the fact that i'm an atheist (because then they'll get all "awww poor you, you just need to believe in the lord and your life will get better, you'll burn in hell, why did you turn your back on the lord," etc etc). then, i get to go home and avoid talking to my mom as much as i can during a small family reunion, somehow get through the day without starting another argument or unnecessary drama, because my parents would fucking kill me if i ruin the holiday for them. then i'll have to act all fucking happy and grateful when they give me a bunch of chocolate that i didn't ask for while i got them nothing in return because i'm broke and i don't want to give my mom anything anyways. and THEN i'll have to sit through a long, awkward family dinner, probably being utterly ignored the entire time just like i always am, and force myself to eat enough on my plate that it's not seen as "ungrateful." that's not even mentioning all the underhanded jokes that will most likely be sent my way the whole fucking time.

god. i hate easter.

[katatonicimpression]

There's something in it that is really fitting for them in this stuff, and wow it could make for a good fic. Like, this is the exact sort of resolvable conflict I want.

Hmm OK so there's brain worms hatching and some headcanon-infused interpretation of the text:

1. Misty doesn't get Sam

Counterpoint: Sam doesn't let himself be got.

In #14 of symbol of truth, Misty interprets Sam's problem as being too hard on himself and throwing himself into his training and superheroing as some kind of "stoic" coping mechanism for all the shit that went down. She thinks he needs to rest, relax with his family.

And she's not exactly wrong, but she's missing something. She's correctly identified a symptom and a treatment, but not the cause... and maybe the treatment isn't quite right either.

Sam says to Gideon that she doesn't get what it means for her to tell him not to fly when he has wings. Flying around as cap or as the falcon was never just a manly man superhero thing for him. It's an expression of his nature as a magical bird boy.. or however you'd say that. And so while she's right that he shouldn't just be hiding himself in his work, the solution can't be to cut down on such an essential part of him.

But he's saying this to Gideon. Not to her. And on the one hand this is good because it'd probably come across as combative and petty, and certainly inappropriate for the setting. But on the other hand, he does need to communicate with her more, or else he can't be surprised if she misses stuff like this.

So, Sam is upset about Joaquin - that's what he's wallowing in at this party. Now, Sam is psychically bonded to Joaquin, as a result of his bond with Redwing. And it's not a coincidence that what actually sets Sam right is Redwing's arrival, and his reunion with Joaquin. It's literal psychic healing, and of course a magical special bird boy moment.

The headcanony bit here is about Sam's powers. SoT downplays the telepathic stuff at times. But it is still implicit that at least part of his discomfort over joaquin is to do with their bond (I.e. he is regular human levels of upset about it obviously, but it's implicit that he's experiencing psychic trauma on top of that imo).

Now, it's canon that Sam is kind of weird about his powers. You could argue (accurately) that the real reason he never joined the xmen in the 70s is because there wasn't an xmen comic in circulation for him to join. And the reason he doesn't talk about his powers a lot or even use them as much as he could is because various writers forget that he has them or are embarrassed by them and/or don't get it. But that's a boring real world explanation. In universe, to make sense of all of this, you could conclude that Sam doesn't like to talk about his powers to people because he doesn't like to think too hard about them. Maybe he doesn't want to confront it or, in my preferred reading, he doesn't like explaining himself.

Sam is undeniably a guy who's very self conscious, flitting from one naval gazing identity crisis to another. I think he struggles to describe himself, to solidify his self image. To talk openly and honestly about his powers would mean claiming them as part of himself. And I don't think he feels comfortable talking about himself in such concrete terms.

This ties in with the conflict with misty. He wants to be understood, but he doesn't want to explain himself. Which, let's be clear, is an immature position from Sam. Misty can't be expected to meet that need.

2. Misty makes decisions for Sam

In Captain America #750, we get the story of why sam became cap again, and the theme of Sam not wanting to explain himself but wanting misty to nevertheless magically understand him is present again.

It turns out that Sam's new shield was made by T'Challa, Misty, Thor and Tony with a bunch of other avengers etc cosigning. It was Misty's plan overall though.

Sam is reluctant, he argues back, questions her motives. When she asks why he should say no, he doesn't answer fully, just throws a few half formed thoughts back at her.

Now, this is objectively kind of shitty behaviour from Misty. Not evil or anything, but like, a C-. This is making a massive decision on Sam's behalf, and roping in a bunch of friends and colleagues to collaborate. This puts a huge amount of pressure on him to take up a thing that he quit very deliberately.

He stopped being Cap a few years ago in the midst of another one of his crises, this time fueled by Steve's return and hydra!Steve.

But on the other hand, why did Sam become cap in the first place? Because Steve asked him to, very strongly asked him to. So the fact that this decision to do it again is coming from someone other than sam is not out of step. Also it kind of makes sense, given Sam's general disposition on cap related stuff that he might need some persuasion, even now. He's flighty, if you'll forgive the pun.

And also, once again I feel the need to point out that misty is being left in the dark by her boyfriend here - he's not telling her what he wants or why. She's making decisions for him, which does suck, but it's something that he does actually want, and he did need a push.

Once again they don't really actually reach an understanding in dialogue. A situation arises in which he needs to use the shield, he likes it, so he decides to accept it. You get the feeling that the "let's sit at a table and cry at each other" moment is not remotely resolved.

I can't help but think about how this relationship started while Sam was cap for the first time. Misty knew sam before that but there is a sense in which their relationship is built on this era of cap!Sam. And i don't think my full thoughts about that are really done cooking yet.

I'm not sure how much onyebuchi is doing on purpose here, as I have questioned his Sam characterisation before. Maybe he doesn't see this as an unresolved point. But I absolutely see it as an amazing jumping off point for a really powerful relationship arc.

But also the way that this should be resolved is through some kind of telepathic vision quest, which ends with them psychically bonded.

Aka bird powers save the day, but also its thematic.

Complicated sammisty feelings two weeks in a row? I don't think I can cope

[missingexaltation]

AU Fic Idea:

In 2022 famous frontman and guitarist Eddie is accused of inappropriate behaviour back in the 90's, at the beginning of his rise to fame (though the allegations are obviously false and easily proven to be false).

However...things get weird for his fans pretty quickly as other stuff about his (usually quite private) life is discovered.

He responds to the allegations on Twitter with just one word. 'Lol'. The internet goes insane, thinking Eddie is just being blasé about what he did, to the point where after a day or so he gives an actual official press release.

'I'm deeply sorry for my initial response to these allegations, however I can confirm said allegations are completely and grossly false. I have been happily married since 1991 and have at no time cheated or behaved in a way that could be seen as cheating, especially with someone underage. I was not in the same country (or continent!) at the time these events were supposed to have taken place (lots of proof available online). Apologies again for being so flippant, but I didn't think anyone actually believed I was capable of doing something so awful.'

His fans immediately are confused because...Eddie's...married? And has been for over 30 years? Social media runs wild because the only proof of marriage they can find is from 2016, and here's the kicker, it's to a guy called 'Steve' of all things.

The only thing they can find from 1991 is a request to change his name, but he's been Eddie Harrington for as long as anyone can remember, certainly as long as he's been famous. Then SOMEHOW the entire 1986 saga gets brought to light, and 'Eddie Munson' and his 'husband' are discovered to have been 'attempted victims of a serial killer', but survived. Hence the scars on his stomach and neck, the internet realises. What the fuck.

This all happens over the space of a week or so, and Eddie's social media is silent (not unusual for the old man, but still... people want answers). The internet is very confused and his music is suddenly being played everywhere, a complete resurgence in his early, very popular rock albums with his band (who have also remained silent).

Eddie eventually goes live on social media and answers a bunch of questions from the chat.

Yes he's married. Yes in 1991 but it wasn't legal, but he still counts it, because fuck the government, that's why.

Yes they got legally married in 2016, on their 25th wedding anniversary.

Yes it's to Steve, yes Steve was prom king at school and really popular, and a 'hot piece of ass' (and still is).

No Eddie wasn't popular, he was a nerdy piece of trailer trash like he's always claimed.

Yes he nearly died, but that was ages ago. Steve saved his life and they've been tragically in love since then.

Eddie (and Steve by proxy) somehow become the internet's favourite queer dads, despite neither of them really being active on their social media or doing anything to promote themselves. Eddie eventually gets a tiktok where he puts up dumb clips of his family and friends, and lots of random clips from the past when he was on tour/recording. Steve's in almost all of them, mostly in the background.

#WheresSteve becomes popular whenever Eddie posts something new, and if he's on live then he has to drag his long suffering hubby on camera so chat will be quiet (they just post lots of heart emojis, which confuses Steve so much because what has he done??).

[ashdreams2023]

Hey! I hope you are having a great day. I am kinda not tho since I was just at a family event where my family discussed how unnatural LGBTQ people were while I was there just trying to hide my bisexual ass.

I was wondering how Loki would respond to the readers family members acting homophobic and transphobic.

Thank you for considering!

-Anna 🟣🟪💜

Respect

Warning: homophobia, transphobia

You should’ve known not to invite Loki as your plus one, it was your favorite cousin’s wedding so you couldn’t not go and you two were already dating.

It was all find at the beginning, nothing weird is being said or inappropriate, and it lasted until it was late at night and everyone was drinking and dancing.

You and Loki sat in a table with some of your family members and stayed quiet with the occasional questions about what Loki does and how you two met.

Then the topic came up when a drunk family member pressed themselves to your uncle.

The man crinkled his nose in annoyance and pushed him off.

"You’re gonna rub your sickness on me" he said, and it immediately made you feel sick in the stomach, that was mike an openly gay relative of yours.

Loki could feel the air changing as the man kept talking "I don’t know how he’ll stay alive fooling around with the same thing he sees everyday"

"Beats me, it’s not like he doesn’t see his dick every morning, isn’t that enough?" The elders laughed at the table and you bit your lip, sinking down in your chair.

"I don’t want him near my kids, he might rub it on them"

"It’s bad enough he now wants to change genders, his parents must be miserable"

It was then that Loki had enough of listening and chugged his glass then slammed it on the table, startling everyone.

"Loki?" You said.

Loki grabbed your hand and pulled you to your feet.

"We are leaving, this is no place for people like us I believe" he was dangerously calm, it made you worry.

"What is wrong with your boyfriend kid?" Your uncle said.

Loki squeezed your hand and looked down at the table from under his nose "nothing is wrong with me, I am just not going to tolerate such manners against people just because they are different, if you’re so disgusted by him then I have no place to stay here and neither is she!" You watched wide eyed as everyone gasped and your uncle stood up angrily glaring at Loki but before he could lash at him Loki shut him one last time.

"I am gender fluid and I don’t give a bloody damn what is the gender of who I like" then he looked at you "and she is bisexual, she accepts me for who I am, just the same way I do to her" he inhaled "You can dislike the community all you like but belittling somebody just because they are not the same as you, makes me sick, nobody should request at all, a bunch of old rotten people who think the wolf revolves around them"

Then Loki turned around with you in hand "you want request? Earn it." You didn’t look back, even when you heard shouting and screaming, even when you heard them cuss you both out.

In a way, you didn’t feel as heavy hearted but light, you felt like there’s a pair of wings protecting you from those people and that you were hanging around the right people…the right person.

"I’m sorry" you said.

"Don’t. They are your family and I don’t blame you for how they are" you hummed resting your head on his shoulder.

Yeah the right person.

[yanderecandystore]

Could you please do a fanfic for a male version of Yandere! Lady Dimitrescu (from Resident Evil Village game) with the reader.

I really like the Resident Evil franchise but I'm too lazy to know what the hell is happening in the older games XD I'm so sorry about that-

I loved watching playthroughs of Resident Evil Village (can't buy the game ;-;), but I felt like it was a bit empty, idk- I felt like the lords weren't really explored enough.

Also the Duke is the best husbando in the whole game- Fight me! >:3

TW/Tags: GN = Gender Neutral, I normally forget to properly name it when it's gender neutral, most of the time I just say "reader" // maybe ooc // lazy genderbent, I'm terrible with names // size difference // servant reader // mentions of gore/cuts/bruises/blood and deaths (and torture- I'm so sorry-) // reader gets hurt // mentions of vomiting

It's Dinner Already [Yandere!M!Dimitrescu x GN!Reader - Short Fanfiction]

It's dinner time already, unfortunately for you, of course.

It feels almost like a routine at this point- Which in a way, it is! You always take care of your tasks during the day, while dreading the inevitable time for dinner to arrive again.

Everyday, at this exact same hour, you and the other servants would prepare a meal for Lord Dimitrescu and his lovely… Sons…

As someone who has started "working" for their family only a month ago, you can positively say: Starving in the cold woods next to your village would have probably been a more merciful death than the ones you have witnessed at this place. You weren't as accustomed to such brutal executions at your village, actually you hardly even witnessed so much death, at least not so up close.

When you came here, you didn't expect to be instantly comforted and treated with respect- You were a commoner looking for an possibility to thrive in a noble's house, you were basically an easy target for any entitled selfish lord to easily belittle you and make you work for them until your hands would turn to dust. Yet nothing could have prepared you for such an odd situation.

Vampires. Monsters. Fiends if you were bold enough to insult them. You weren't exactly welcomed as much as you were snatched in and now forever trapped inside this castle. You can still hear their laughter… Their insane expressions of pure glee, the way they have bursted into maliciously laughing at your pain as you screamed for help trying to open up their door again and be free from that nightmare.

The chase didn't last even a second, they stabbed your legs with their scythes and brought you deeper inside this hellhole, as you cried your eyeballs out. The sons had brought you back inside so their father could take a look at the "intruder".

An absolute titan amongst the mortals. His height was only a sick reminder of how much power he had over the castle, over his sons, and now- Over you.

He may not have been as massive as he was threatening as you remind him to be, but at the time you were just in awe of his height considering you have never seen someone as tall and as mighty.

Then again- You have never seen vampires as well. Were they the same vampires as the books you've read as a kid? You weren't so sure of it…

You were hoping that if you begged for life and for forgiveness for having disturbed their peace, that they could spare you and let you go back to your village. Sadly enough, you commented on how you were only trying to look for a job as a servant.

You probably shouldn't have given them ideas, but it's too late to think about your mistakes now, however.

The sons begged to see your blood spilled, yet Lord Dimitrescu was merciful enough to grant you your "wish", as he said.

It has been a month ever since you were trapped inside and forced to work as a miserable little servant, and even if you didn't suffer the worst forms of punishments that they had in-store for you, you couldn't help but fantasize about just running away and never turning back.

You're so tired of this castle, of the smell of carnage, of the undeserved and over the top punishments, and especially of the people who would subjugate you to such things.

But at last, it's dinner time already, and you can't keep them waiting.

You feel your hands shaking as you walk out of the kitchen and into the dining room where the masters of the castle were so graciously waiting for you. You know what they're waiting for- But you can't let them distract you, for those that commit accidents are faced with fates worse than death.

Although you would rather do this process quickly, you can't afford mistakes to happen, so you take your time to set not only their meal in front of each one but to also pour "wine" into their glasses. You do all of this without looking directly into their eyes, only bowing down to each one and saying "excuse me"s in what they would call a "decent tone", as the smell of their disgusting beverage starts to irritate your nostrils. If you didn't know the main ingredient to Sanguis Virgins is, you probably wouldn't have this immense disgust over it, but right now just the thought of it makes you want to gag.

Only villains could so easily drink blood, and still make a living out of it.

Your internal thoughts of pure hatred against this whole situation almost completely blinded you to the fact that they were eerily, very quiet.

….

On most nights they would be talking with each other while occasionally making comments about you or your presence. Obviously they were all pretty nasty comments that they somehow expected you to back it up in some way or another, it's when they try to insert you into their conversation that makes you hate this occasion so badly, but it normally ends as quickly as it begins.

But as you are pouring wine to Lord's Dimitrescu, you notice that they haven't said a single thing while you were there. You stop what you're doing as you realize that they were silently observing you this whole time, and as you look into their expressions you come to think that maybe you have messed up-

Somehow, in some way or form, you may have messed up- And the fact this mistake could cost your head only agitates your already very worried mind.

….

A small moment of silence continues before the middle son, Cassandro, starts to chuckle in an almost innocent way- As if he was a kid who just said a bad word for the first time- And as he bursts into sudden laughter, Daniel leans towards Bello and loudly whispers:

"- I told you, they do this every time." To which Bello only replied with:

"- It's almost like hypnosis in a way."

The three sons were mesmerized by your ability to trap yourself in your own mind. They're probably aware that you do this as a defensive mechanism but they still find it comical in a weird way. You feel yourself get more tense as you look up at Lord Dimitrescu and see him staring back at you, with an unreadable expression across his face.

Before you could come up with an excuse to whatever you may have caused to disturb their dinner, the Lord himself spoke.

"- How inappropriate. As my sons, you three should know better than to laugh at our servant's airheaded mind-"

And as he said that, their smiles begin to disappear and be replaced with frowns and a bit of shame as they become stiff at their father's words.

"- And how inappropriate of you, too. To be so distracted in the presence of your masters, that's quite rude don't you think?"

But as he continued their bodies begin to relax once again as they realize he wasn't focusing on them- He was focusing on you.

Words have completely disappeared from your vocabulary as you start to think that maybe you won't be able to see another day after their meal is over. You try to mumble some possible responses before getting interrupted by him once again.

"- It's very rude, so very rude in fact that I think we deserve some answers. What were you so distracted about? What were you thinking that could have possibly taken over your small little head?"

Right now, he was sounding a bit condescending, thankfully not as angry as he would have been with the other servants right about now. Every little mistake was used as excuses for punishments- And if you were walking on thin ice before, right now you are one-step closer to breaking this entire lake and getting yourself killed by the freezing temperatures of the water below you.

Thanks to your luck (or maybe lack thereof, depending on how you see this) Daniel came to "your rescue" by coming up with an excuse for you.

"- Maybe they were hungry." He said without any indications of it being a joke or a lie- As the youngest yet craziest of the bunch, he always had that weird "naive yet dangerous" energy coming from him. He was naive enough to make that statement when it's very clear that you actually despise being near them, but he still was a son of Dimitrescu.

You know better than to underestimate any of these people.

The Lord didn't seem completely convinced as he side eyed Daniel who was blissfully eating his meal without acknowledging his dad's glance or his brother's looks of disapproval.

Without a warning you were pulled closer by your wrist and forced into sitting next to the Lord, who made a sign for another servant to bring you your food. This… Doesn't feel right at all, you're waiting for the worst to come yet you don't feel like you can ever prepare yourself enough for what they have in store.

"- M-My Lord- This isn't needed, I'm fine. I'll just continue my duties, if you can excuse me-" You plead, while trying to get up from your chair.

"- Oh but what host would I be if I didn't take better care of my guests? Poor thing, you must be starving if you can barely serve us wine-" And as his tone gets progressively more sarcastic and a bit louder, you can hear his sons snickering from the other side of the table, but you can't see them since you can't take your eyes away from him.

You're worried that if you look away for just one second, that you may not be able to see ever again.

"- It's so sad when one of our guests feels hungry- What's worse is when we are also very, very hungry."

"- Thirsty, even!"

"- Oh, I can feel my throat drying just at the thought of such misery!- Our dinner seems to be ruined."

You hear their whispers, you hear how they are clearly joking about this- How overly dramatic they're being over something so miniscule as you just- Ignoring them.

Let me remind you this is all because you refuse to look them in the eyes, that you refuse to give them any satisfaction for the heinous things they have done! You've seen so many people get hurt inside this castle only for their sick and twisted thirst and entertainment.

"- Indeed, my boys. My appetite is ruined, though dinner is not over yet-" Lord Dimitrescu spoke as he looked at his sons clearly enjoying your inevitable pain, but before he could continue he turns himself to you again, putting a hand on your arm and saying:

"- Wouldn't you agree?" Loud enough so that his sons could hear it, but soft enough to send the tiniest shivers down your spine.

"- …!"

"- No, no- Please, not again!-" He wouldn't dare do this, would he??

But before you could react he had already done it, you barely noticed how fast he had grabbed that knife to slice your wrist- His hand firmly gripping your arm as he made a deep enough cut so that your blood could be easier to access.

It somehow hurts just as badly as the first time his sons have stabbed your ankles and dragged you across the floor- At least you're not bumping into things like before, and even if it's a deep cut it's not as big as it could be if he used his claws to actually do this.

Oh, oh those claws- You almost thought he would use them on you… Those were something else. You can't remember exactly what happened, and why it happened, but you remember seeing him use those on another servant who may have crossed the line at some point.

Well "crossed the line"- More like "casually inconvenienced him". Lord Alcino may act like an incredibly high noble but he acts so childishly and in such an egotistical manner that you are surprised he can even have a castle like this in the first place! You don't remember what the servant has done to be so cruelly dismantled, but you don't doubt that it was for a stupid reason!

You miss that servant actually- Probably the only person who you actually talked with, and the first one to actually taught you how to do your job… You two could have been friends if he didn't intervene.

You briefly remember those moments before getting to experience the most weird sensation of all- Having your bloody cut be licked and sucked on. It hurts and it stings in a way that not only makes you want to cry but to also gag at the thought of you feeding this monster.

You refuse to look at him even in this scenario, you refuse to see him feeding off your blood… Sometimes you wish you were just as poisonous as some species of frogs, poisonous enough to make his mouth burn so he can experience a fraction of the pain he causes to others.

You tried fleeting away, you tried getting up and moving away but his grip on your arm only helped you in getting closer to him- You have your eyes closed as your only option is to cry and muffle your agony.

But as always, he is not satisfied with you just ignoring him. This was supposed to be a lesson, yet you're clearly avoiding your teacher as best as you can- But not today, little flower, you're not getting out of this so easily.

This is the first time he ever got to really taste your blood, as normally you would be behind the other servants while trying to learn how to please him, the only moments where he gets to see you is when it's dinner time, but oh- You're just so cruel!

Escaping inside your own little head while he has to content himself with just your image. Your presence is very much appreciated around this hour, little one-

He has noticed this before, of course, but it was only when he noticed his son's curiosity over the way you behave around them that made him organize this little trap. He didn't have everything planned actually, his plan only involved getting to this moment no matter what- And oh boy, has luck been on his side!

Your blood tastes better than expected of a commoner, your delicate and fearful whines of pain are just as delightful but what really gets him is this tough persona you try to convince everyone you have- You despise him, and it's clear to see why- But he knows his charms will probably work on you one way or the other.

He gripped your face trying to make sure you'll get to him in the eyes as he has a taste of you. Absolutely delicious, especially after you so gracefully "ruined" their dinner.

His sons were just watching as they continued to drink from their crimson glasses. They were just enjoying the show, as everything seems to easily amuse them- Their father was just showcasing how they were so much better than the common folk, and they have no other option but to take notes and to remember what they have to do if they ever feel ignored by the servants in the castle: Show who are the true masters of this place.

None of them were really interested in drinking from you, considering how all three seemed to recognize how their father has taken a liking towards you. No one would dare mess with their father's prey.

If you had enough strength in you, you would start vomiting as soon as this has started, but the more he takes from you the more you feel like you can barely stay conscious.

He wasn't supposed to take so much, at least not so soon- He wanted to just take a sip but he can't deny the fact he would rather drown himself in your blood than to let go.

He sighs, as he notices that you're slowly getting less and less aggressive, getting more and more tired as he drains you from this cut.

You're not unconscious yet, just barely stable enough to understand what's going on.

"- Sigh… Now that was a decent enough meal." He can't praise you for being tasty, can't have you being cocky around him.

"- Here, since I'm done here I'll take you to the servant's living quarters- And because I'm so kind I'll make sure that wound is safely secured and cleaned, so here- Come along now."

And as he stood up he offered you his hand so you could get up yourself, but you don't have enough energy to walk yourself to your room, thankfully you're already ready to go to bed and wish to never wake up again.

And as the nightmare never ends, he decides that if you are going to be difficult then you leave him no choice but to carry you there. How much has he taken from you?? Jesus, he should learn some self-control before doing this again- The absolute brute that he is.

Your vision may be a little screwed over because of the lack of red cells running through your body at the moment- But you have a weird feeling that you two aren't heading towards the servant's living quarters, as you feel like you two are quite literally going in the opposite direction.

Oh but it's fine- Right?

It'll be fine. Surely. After all, he already took what he wanted from you, and he doesn't seem to need more so- You probably won't have to worry about anything right now, dinner time is already over, you can finally relax now….

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

So I'm sick again- Sorry y'all, I just have a horrible immune system and I really don't understand what is wrong with me-

I'm sorry if you didn't like this boo :(