#my family has been emotionally draining today

[mothprincess]

when you're having a shitty day and you get a surprise audio from your best friend about the book you're reading together 😭 damn, i needed that... like... i needed something good to happen by chance, too

[skoulsons]

“Ellie?”

She had kept herself closed off most of the day, doing as much as skipping meals, not sketching, and declining their routine movie night.

Joel turned the knob, opening the door only slightly. “Ellie?”

“What?” She bit. She was around the corner, still in bed.

He bit his cheek. “Can I come in?”

She sniffled, a mumbled yeah from around the corner to let him know it was okay. He entered, keeping the door somewhat open behind him. He found her on her back, covers pulled up to her shoulders as she stared at the ceiling, counting imaginary stars.

The look on her face was a sure sign, as any, that things were not good.

He sat by her feet, the corner of the mattress sinking down as he sat, her feet following suit and lightly falling against his lower back.

“Do you need something?”

Joel inhaled and exhaled. He kept his hands awkwardly in his lap. “I wanted to check up on you.”

“Why? I’m fine,” she grumbled, eyes still glued to the ceiling.

“You sure?”

She wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t fine. Every possible thought about Joel, Tommy, Maria, Riley, Sam, or Henry that wasn’t positive made its way to the forefront of her brain, twisting everything she knew about them. Making her believe things that she was sure weren’t true. Convincing her of truths that were hard to shake.

Everything is still so new to them. Young and needing navigation and direction. Their relationship and being together now, no plan in sight of leaving or disregarding the other.

She has someone in her life now who cares about her. Who has cared about her for over a year. Someone who dedicates every single day to being present. Who always makes breakfast for the two of them. Someone who holds her when she cries and who lifts her up even higher when she’s happy. Who carries her to bed when she needs it and finds her new comics when he’s outside the walls. Who protects her at every moment and encourages her to eat and shower when she struggles.

Someone who loves her.

And that revelation is what makes these days even harder.

“Hey…” he nudged, turning his body slightly more towards her. “What’s goin’ on, baby?”

Ellie sighed, closing her eyes tightly, waves of colors forming in the black of her vision the harder she squeezed. She opened them, her eyesight wavering as tears pooled at her eyelids. The imaginary stars on the ceiling kept her gaze, still avoiding Joel’s concern.

“Today just… hasn’t been good.”

And while he knew it, hearing it from her still hurts to know. Whatever happened, it hurts to know she’s struggling.

“I think it’s been little worse than hasn’t been good.” It felt inappropriate to point out her near crying and the tight-lipped expression on her face in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay.

“I’m just… having fucked up thoughts,” she sighed, tracing all the constellations she knew into the white of the ceiling.

Joel didn’t say anything. In all honesty, he didn’t know what to say.

Neither of them were the best at talking. Sharing something that pissed them off, frustrated them, or upset them and navigating that conversation in a healthy manner always felt like forcefully pulling teeth before they ever broke the surface of the gums.

Joel hopes his silence is an invitation for her to continue. He wants to help, to walk through what bothering her with her.

“I…,” she started, choking slightly on the syllable. “I feel like people don’t care. They don’t care, they don’t…love.”

Joel tilted his head to the side, eyeing her avoidant gaze.

Ellie brought her hand up and wiped it across her right temple. Her voice wavered, her lip quivering as she spoke, “me.”

Joel had an inclination, but hearing it still hurt all the same.

“I feel like people…” she paused, sniffled heavily. She lazily raised her arm off the bed in his direction, “you… don’t.”

Frustrated, Ellie sat up, her back making content with the headboard harder than she intended. She locked eyes with him momentarily before avoiding his gaze again, fixing hers around the room. Her dresser, a heap of clothes on the floor, her blinds, and the open door.

She stopped keeping her head upright and let the crown of her head fall back, banging against the headboard. She sighed, a wet, embarrassing laugh escaping her. “I… I know. I know you do. I do. But sometimes, I just… get convinced you don’t.”

She fiddles with her hands in her lap as her tears threaten to spill over, Ellie massaging her fingers and cracking her knuckles, even with nothing left to crack. She picks at her cuticles and nails uncomfortably, clearing her throat to get rid of the tight burning that has coated it.

“What convinces you?” Joel asked, his eyes looking twenty years younger—like he’s talking to someone else entirely. Like he’s held a similar conversation before.

His question stumps her.

And she realizes it’s nothing. Nothing has ever convinced her. Nothing could convince her that Joel doesn’t care about her. Nothing could ever truly convince her that Joel doesn’t love her.

He may get frustrated over something. He may be extra tired some days. He may spend a little more strength some days fighting his own demons that it’s hard to be there 100% for her.

But those things don’t mean he doesn’t love her. They don’t mean he wouldn’t lay down his life for her at any given moment. They don’t mean he doesn’t look at her with anything less than adoration, devotion, and appreciation for who she is. Who she is and what she has come to mean to him.

“Have I ever done anything-“

She cut him off. “No. No, no. Fuck no, never.” She threw the crown of her against the headboard again, a few tears spilling down the side of her face and flowing along her jawline. She hastily wiped them away, clearing her throat.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess I… don’t think I deserve it or something. So I look at you or Tommy or I… I remember Riley or Sam or anyone else and I… I think they don’t—didn’t care.”

She knows they do. Riley—she knows. Sam she knows. Henry, too. Tommy and Maria—she knows. Joel—he she knows better than any of the others.

“I remember them or I…” she brought her head down from her gaze on the ceiling and looked at him, clearly, for the first time. “I look at you and I wonder why.”

She cries. Her lips pressed together, not enough breath in her lungs to combat the tears falling down her face and slipping down her neck, soaking the collar of her shirt. She wipes and wipes and wipes until her tear-soaked hands can’t catch anymore and they flow freely. She dries her hands on her sheets and it’s still not enough to catch every single one.

Joel moves quickly, his right hand lightly on her shin as he reaches his left out towards her, keeping it held right above her lap for her to feel.

She can barely see, and yet she reaches out, knowing he’s there. Trusting he’s there.

She grabs his left hand with her right, holding it until her knuckles turn white and it hurts. Until it stings and her fingers go numb. Until her hand shakes and the blood flow is cut off from her fingertips.

He moves his right hand from her shin to press a fist into the mattress on the other side of her, scooting himself closer to her. He settles closer to her, bringing his right hand up her shoulder and eventually finding its home on her cheek. He strokes his thumb across it, more tears falling as she leans into it. She turns her head into it, her lips in his palm as he continues wiping her tears.

He pulls his hand back from her face and brings it to her other cheek, sliding his knuckles across to clear the streaks of tears. He returns his hand back to her other cheek, lightly scratching at the roots of her hair on the back of her neck.

Ellie grabs the collar of her shirt with her left hand, wiping the snot from her nose and using any drier part of her shirt to dry her neck and chin.

Joel lifts his left hand to bring up to her face, but a mumbled, snotty no keeps it in her lap, Ellie still clutching it.

She continues to sniffle, finally opening her eyes to see Joel looking back at her, a streak down the left side of his face, right by his ear.

“I’m sorry,” she says, quickly averting her gaze from his.

He smiles slightly, rubbing those all-comforting circles with his thumb over hand. He brings his hand up from her cheek as she closes her eyes, using two fingers to drag hairs down her forehead and tuck them behind her ear.

They didn’t need to be tucked away—but the affection always comforts her.

She takes his right hand in her left, bringing it down into her lap next to their other hands. She watches their hands intently as she rubs circles on his with her right hand and he rubs circles on hers with his right.

“Hey,” he whispers, trying to get her attention. It does, and she looks up at him. The tug on the corner of his lips reaches his eyes. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“No it’s… it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be crying over something I know isn’t true…”

“You know it’s not true?”

She inhales a shaky breath and exhales one just as heavy. She focuses on it, keeping any other tears down as best she can through controlled breathing.

“Yeah. Yeah I… I know.” She pauses for another breath. “But sometimes it’s… fucking difficult. I don’t…” she hesitates, shaking slightly, “I don’t want to look at you and wonder why.”

She chokes, wiping her cheek on the shoulder of her shirt. She feels her back against the headboard and adjusts slightly, rolling her shoulder blades over it.

She looks up at him. His eyes still hold that twenty-year-old look. They glisten because of the tears gathered in them, and the loving smile that hasn’t quite reached his lips has already hit his eyes.

“I’ll remind you. Every day, if I have to—if you want me to. Even if you don’t, I might jus’ have to-“

She laughs—giggles—at that. He laughs too, the kind of laugh that resides deep in his chest. The one that sounds better through his rare toothy smile. The laugh she only hears so often. The laugh when he thinks he’s done something right. The almost triumphant laugh when he seems to have cheered her up.

Ellie smiles, watching his own unwavering smile. “You can, if you think about it. I mean, I won’t expect it every day. If you forget some days, it’s fine. I’m not-”

“Ellie.”

“Sorry.”

Joel takes note of her. The dried tears along her cheeks. Her red and puffy eyes. The way her nose is red. The soaked collar of her shirt.

He doesn’t want to see her like this again. Not over thoughts like this.

“Will reminding you help? You know… keep thoughts like this away?”

She opens her mouth to speak, but it hits her that she doesn’t know. She’s never been positively reminded, certainly not daily, that someone cares for and loves her. No one’s been constant enough to tell her the truths she missed out on as a child. No one’s stuck around long enough for them to mean anything. No one has ever loved her enough to say them and mean them. Nothing other than doubt, hesitation, or reluctance has followed such reminders.

“I don’t know. I think, I… I hope. I don’t know, I’ve… never had someone who did something like that.”

He doesn’t frown at the thought, but his smile fades. Sadness, disbelief at the thought, the truth that she’d never had this before. “Well… we can try it out. You can tell me if you hate it ‘n we can try something’ else.” He smiled again as he rubbed more circles along her hands. “Sound fair?”

She smiles, tears welling at her eyes again. One spills over, Ellie fervently nodding in response to Joel’s question before too many more tears follow.

He lets go of her left hand and opens his arm up, welcoming her in. She scoots into him, tucking her body against him. She lets her legs freely fall into his as she leans against his body, his right arm coming across her back and holding her shoulder tightly. She keeps her face hidden away as best she can in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Her right hand finds the bottom of his shirt, rubbing the fabric back and forth between her fingers.

Joel kisses her head, leaving his lips pressed into her hair briefly. “I just… I don’t want this to become something you know is true. Cause it ain’t.”

“It won’t. I… I know it’s not true.”

He kisses her head again, a muffled good reverberating through her. He rubs her upper arm a few times.

“Come here,” he says, letting go of her shoulder and standing up.

She smiles shyly, standing up and wasting no time to hold on to him, her arms wrapping around his middle and settling behind his back. She rests her ear right over his heart, the thump-thump drowning the world out. Drowning her thoughts. Her feet stand in between his, Ellie attempting to get as close to him as she can.

Joel, just like every time before and every time to come after, keeps a steady hand across her back and one behind her head, carefully threading his fingers through her hair. He tilts his head down, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

He sways them gently, covering her back in hand-drawn lines, circles, and a myriad of other shapes. “This is your first reminder.”

She giggles at that.

Something bubbles in her chest. A fire. Butterflies—as cheesy as she thinks that is—it fits. It tickles, in a way. It reaches her finger tips and warms her skin. It helps her breathe easier and keeps her heartbeat beat in rhythm with his. It slows her thoughts and relaxes her shoulder. It lets her relax completely against his embrace.

The reminder is there. The reminder of his care and protection, no matter what. The reminder of the steadfast, uncompromising, sacrificial love that he has for her.

[cheesecakeluver]

AT FIRST GLANCE

hamzahthefantastic x reader

ᶻ𐰁 ࣪ °⋆ when you arrive in Toronto, after three years from home, you meet with your close friend Mandy, who has a visitor that you know, at first glance, is bound to be yours.

———————-

As the taxi slows, i find that my stomach turns and churns in excitement. The idea that now, after three years, ill see Mandy again, after being apart for so, so long, enthralls me. We constantly facetimed and messaged after i had to move, for work purposes. Los Angeles was a great city, but once you really got settled and started to understand life there.. it made you miserable. Thankfully, my work as a journalist had moved me back to Toronto, and i could finally see my friends and family.

I retrieve my heavy suitcases from the boot of the car, thanking the driver and sending him away with a twenty dollar bill. I don't think i'll ever get over the price differences between Canada and the USA. I stand outside Mandy's place, which she shared with her boyfriend, Martin. Of course, i'd heard all about him, because as soon as i moved away, they met. She updated me on every date, every exciting occasion, and every detail of their lives together, including his youtube channel, whom he shared with a friend unknown to me, though Mandy constantly called him clingy and annoying, which left me laughing.

I knock on the door, one, twice, and then thrice. I see a figure moving towards the door, and i get excited, recording the whole moment with an old camera. I'd recently started youtube myself, and had had a good amount of luck, my first two videos not exactly blowing up, but doing pretty well for my first time. I see the figure head towards the door, and i shove the camera in front of me, my smile wide, grinning even.

The figure opens the door, and i'm stunned. It was in fact, not Mandy i was met with, who stood at 5,4. No, this was a nearly six foot tall, dark curly haired man, who looked like he'd just gotten out of bed.

"Uh.. who are you?" he mumbled, wiping his dark curls out of his face, pushing his rectangular glasses up on the bridge of his nose, his chocolate brown eyes widening as he stared deadpan at me.

i pull the camera down to my side, revealing my face as my smile drops. i stutter a little, taking a step back. Had i went to the wrong address?

"Does Mandy live here?" i asked nervously, my concern become increasingly evident on my face. I was never good at hiding my emotions.

"Oh, yeah. She said something about someone coming over today. Just didn't mention who." The man said, his eyebrows unfurling as the confusion fled his face, allowing me to view him more. He was attractive, and even i couldn't deny that, as i stared into his dark eyes. The worry wiped off my face as he opened the door wider, allowing me to step into the home, where Mandy was snuggled into Martin's side, a blanket over them on the couch, as i heard the nostalgic theme of 'Gilmore Girls' playing on the tv.

I smile, leaving my bags by the door as i hear Mandy ask whose at the door, until her eyes land across me. She screams, ditching Martins arms and she runs to me, hugging me and jumping with glee spread across her face. I hold her in my arms, happily.

"I've been waiting for you to arrive!" she says, pulling away from the embrace, still smiling so hard i believe it must hurt. "That's Hamzah, by the way, the one who answered the door. He's the one who does the podcast, and youtube with Martin" She explains, babbling on about what the boys did. I listened eagerly, intrigued, as she told me about this podcast, which i'd never known of before. She asks me how i am, knowing how hard Los Angeles hit me, leaving me emotionally drained.

"I'm excited to be back in Toronto, really. I've been wanting to come back ever since i left. Los Angeles was.. alright at first, but god, once you really get settled, and begin actually connecting.." i sigh, drifting off. The people that inhabited Los Angeles, were just not the people i was made for, and oh how glad i was to be back in Toronto. Back home. I look around, impressed at the new house they'd just moved in to, which now looked like a home due to the decorum, as i see dinner bowls lying around.

Martin cleans them up, putting them in the sink and introducing himself. "Sorry, we just ate.. probably should've cleaned that up earlier." he jokes, wrapping an arm around Mandy.

The whole time, the boy i know now as Hamzah had just been by the door, his keys in hand. i came to the conclusion he must have just been heading out when i arrived.

He jingles the keys in his hand, grabbing my attention. He looks a little nervous, his eyes darting around. "I'm gonna head out, it was good meeting you.." he says, finally looking at me, smiling, his hands in his pockets. He lingers on, and i catch the hint he wanted my name.

"Oh, y/n" i smiled, a little flustered as his eyes remained steady on me, a glint in them. I found myself drawn to him, even though this was our first meeting.

Mandy turns to me, Martins arm still wrapped around her. "We were just going out, for ice cream, if you wanted to join us?" she smiles at me, Martins arm rubbing hers and he stared at her, entranced.

I think about it, but ultimately decide against it, as i had ate the shitty food served on the airplane, and felt as though my stomach deserved a break after. That, and i wasn't in the mood to become a third wheel, especially as jet lagged as i was.

"I need to sort through the boxes as well, get my apartment into living conditons, but thank you guys, i appreciate it." i say, thanking the couple in front of me.

"Call me tomorrow though, we'll meet up then?" i ask, and Mandy nods, smiling. "Of course! Im so, so happy your home. Atleast now i've got someone to hang out with when these two are filming. Ooh, and maybe even double dates, and-"

Hamzah coughs loudly, interrupting her, and their eyes land on each other, and something, almost like realisation, hits Mandy.

I look between the pair, an awkward silence filling the room, as the four of us just looked at our feet.

I knew Hamzah had been there a couple of times when i had been facetiming Mandy, as i heard him and Martin in the background, but i never thought anything of it.

I pull my phone out, prepared to call another taxi, and head out of here, as i gather my bags and suitcase by the door.

"Anybody know how much a taxi from here to Parkson street costs?" i ask, breaking the silence

Martin speaks up immediately, as if snapping out of a trance.

"Hamzah, don't you live near Parkson street?" he asks the boy, who averts his gaze from mine, eyes focused now on Martin, as a pink blush cascades over his caramel skin, slightly covered by the messy curls strewn on top of his head.

"Yeah, i live on Parkson street" He replies, and i see Martin wink at him, before he speaks again.

"Oh, okay yeah, do you need a ride?" Hamzah says, eyes on mine as i see his hands fiddle inside of his pockets, causing me to smile.

"Yeah.. thank you. Really, your helping me out a a lot here." i blush slightly as he helps me with a couple of my bags, and our hands brush together, my face heating up, as does his.

"Really, you don't have to-" i say, prepared to take the bag, as he shakes his head in defiance, which leaves me to sigh, smiling as i do.

"I could see you struggling when you first arrived, let me help you" He says, picking the bags i struggled with up easily, impressing me as his biceps bulged whilst doing the action, causing me to stare.

Martin interrupts us, as he begins saying his farewells to Hamzah. I make my way over to Mandy, one last time, knowing ill meet her tomorrow.

"Call me tonight, and tell me everything" she says, with that knowing look in her eye, causing me to softly chuckle as i embrace her again.

We part ways with Mandy and Martin, saying goodbye to the pair as they began to get ready to get dessert. I smile at the couple as i leave with Hamzah, wishing i had the type of relationship they had, watching them laugh and cuddle and kiss. In my dreams i guess.

As Hamzah walks me to his car, we begin small talk. He asks about my life back in Los Angeles, and i tell him about my journalism and my small channel, as he told me of his podcast. He seemed passionate about it, using his hands as he spoke, and all i could do was become entranced by him. I had met this boy less than twenty minutes ago, yet already he had caught me attention, and by the looks of it, i had caught his.

"I originally started the podcast by myself, and did around.. i think thirty or so episodes before Martin joined. Honestly, its much better when your not just speaking by yourself, to a camera." He explained, hooking me in with every word he uttered.

"I guess i can kind of understand. When i film, so far, its always been by myself. My job as well, it gets lonely, because journalism isn't a very.. i don't know.. social type of job. Sure, I sit and write about all the things i love, but sometimes i just wish i had someone to talk to about my interests, instead of people just reading my words via a news outlet, or magazine."

i let out my thoughts, feeling slightly vulnerable when doing so. Hamzah watches me talk, allowing me to explain what's on my mind, and for the first time in a long time, i feel seen.

"Listen, i know we just met, but honestly, i feel like i know you already. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, even if its just about the stupid stuff." He says, a little shyly, rubbing the back of his neck as he speaks. I find myself walking close beside him, and we continue talking back and forth, all the way to his car.

Once we reach his car, he opens the door for me, and just when i'm strapped in, does he make his way to the drivers side, causing a feeling of warmth to erupt in my stomach.

Getting in, he sets his phone on my lap, smiling. "Since your a guest, i'll trust you to pick something good" he says, as i notice spotify opened infront of me.

It nearly made me melt, as i saw his recent listens. "Men i trust, Freddie Dredd, The maria's.. you have good taste" i smile, seeing some artist that we have in common.

I see him smile warmly, staring at the phone as i type my favourite song in, hoping, no, praying he would like it.

"Bags by Clairo.. you have good taste" He replies, copying me, as the song begins to filter through the car, and i hum lightly to it.

entranced by the music, and the feeling of content flowing through me, i rest my head against the window, taking in autumnal Toronto in all its beauty, realising just how much i had missed this place.

I feel Hamzah's eyes on me, and i turn to him, a grin erupting from me without my consent, as his curls fall into his eyes, and his hands mark the wheel.

We continue the rest of the ride in silence, the only thing heard is Clairo's majestic voice through the speakers, and both of us are okay with that. Upon arriving at Parkson street, i feel a little disappointed, missing Hamzah's banter and voice already, even though we hadn't parted from each other yet. I needed to get a grip on myself.

We get out, still walking close to each other, our arms brushing against one anothers, and begin walking back to our apartments, noticing we both strode in the same direction.

"Hamzah, what apartment number is yours? Not to be a creep or anything.." i joke, seeing his eyes light up.

"I'm 112.. what about you?"

I feel myself smile, pink flushing my cheeks, and not just due to the autumn chill in the air. We stop outside of his apartment, and he sees where my gaze lies, his cheeks flushing as well.

"I'm apartment 113” i say, grinning, our proximity exciting me like nothing before. maybe, just maybe this meant i did have a chance. endless excuses we’re running through my mind, thinking of ways i could interact with him on the daily.

He smiles, walking me to my door and setting the suitcases and bags in my doorstep, his cheeks tinted pink, and his eyes on me the entire time, looking me up and down with ease.

He smiles at me, one last time. "I'll see you around, y/n" he says, walking the two paces to his apartment, next door. My heart fluttered, and the minute i go inside of my new apartment, i jumped on the bare mattress, not caring about the unboxed suitcases and bags, picking up my phone and dialing my best friend.

"Mandy, i think i’m starting to like him."

---------------

[listofwhyyouloveher]

CAN YOU WRITE ANGST WHERE YOU BREAK UP WITH YOUR GREASER BOYFRIEND OR GREASER BOYFRIEND BREAKS UP WITH YOU AND KINDA LIKE HOW THEY WOULD REACT?? SORRY IF THIS HARD TO UNDERSTAND😭🤚

Summary: Breaking up with your greaser boyfriend Warnings: Mentions of break up, toxic behavior, angst Author's Note: sorry for not posting yesterday, drove to LAX to pick my friend up! PONYBOY CURTIS To be honest, he's not big on relationships, he's more focused on his family and, as selfish as it seems, himself. It's a shock to both of you when you start dating, more of a whirlwind of puppy love than anything mature. Of course, that means the relationship was doomed from the start. It was less bickering than just slowly growing apart, your relationship seemed to be sweet, but genuinely you two were better set off as friends, at least for now. There was no heated argument that broke you two up, just the drunken acknowledgement of the fact that you weren't really a couple, just close friends. It ended shortly after that, and you two are still friends, often joking about the 'dating' period. JOHNNY CADE Johnny is not emotionally ready for a relationship, especially if you expect anything from him. He's ok with having the title, being branded as a couple, but the effort is too draining for him. It was aparent from the start that you wouldn't get much out of the relationship other than a tie to Johnny, however you were willing to try and pull him from his shell.

But to no avail. You broke up with Johnny, pushing it off as just wanting to focus on yourself. Johnny knew why, but he didn't dwell much on it. Just asking if you would like to stay friends. SODAPOP CURTIS Sodapop is very very very egocentric. He's always got girls trying to hang around him, he's got his gang which makes him feel tuff and would always hype him up to do the wrong things (much to Darry's displeasure). So, of course, he has to have a girl that matches his big status. He wanted a girlfriend because he was tired of all the girls on his back. However, you were under the impression that he was truly into you. It was clear that he wasn't when you overheard him talking to Steve about it. You were mortified and broke up with him on the spot. He found that, although he was a 'tuff greaser', it seriously hurt him. STEVE RANDLE Steve is also very egocentric, but he's got more respect for ladies so your relationship was not started on such a sour note. It was instead because of his sense of responsibility. He saved you from getting jumped by a bunch of socs and when you confessed to him, (truly not expecting anything to come out of it) he immedietly recipricated, even if he really didn't. You could tell he was distant, so you broke it off quickly, explaining that he didn't have to recipricate and that you just wanted to get it off your chest. You two are still quite close today. TWO BIT MATHEWS Two is a gentleman, when he isn't drunk of course. He tried hitting on you when you were both drunk and one thing lead to another and suddenly you were stone cold sober with a relationship in your hands. You explained that you were piss drunk and that you weren't actually ready for a relationship that started so oddly. He agreed and so you two went your seperate ways for a couple of days. However, this had such an impact on the both of you that a week later you two went on a couple of dates, and then eventually in a happy relationship. DARRY CURTIS Darry has always tried to keep his girlfriends happy, but he hadn't been in a relationship in a while. Ever since he left highschool and college he'd been single.

Of course he was so struck by your beauty and personality that he tried to pull together a relationship with you, he tried his best, truly he did but he was stuck doing too much to focus on you and your relationship. You ended things on a bittersweet note, telling him that although you loved him a lot, you needed someone who could actually pay attention to you. Darry promised that when he could, he'd come back to you and would pursue you again. DALLAS WINSTON Dallas Winston doesn't give a damn about relationships after Sylvia. He's just as likely to spit on the ground you walk on than to drunkenly hit on you and try and score some action. He's actually not quite sure why you two are in a 'relationship', he doesn't remember how it happened, why or anything related to it. To be honest he was probably drunk. You, of course, broke up with him, he's an asshole with little to no care for others. He almost doesn't give two shits if not for the fact that YOU broke up with HIM, usually its him that breaks it off so he's making sure your feelings are as hurt as his ego is.

[suuuupernovaaa]

ngeyn

ngeyn [ŋɛjn] adj. tired

Anonymous Request: Neteyam x F!Reader where she’s super mentally and emotionally drained and exhausted?

+

Anonymous Request: Neteyam x Omaticaya reader where she flinched during an argument?

In this fic, Neteyam is an adult (about 20) at the beginning of Avatar 2.

762 words

The journey has been longer than I expected. Neteyam's parents had told me it would be, and still, it was harder than I thought.

The last year has been hard on all of us. Everyone has suffered, and we are all tired, and I try to remember that when I feel worn out or want to complain. I try to keep quiet, and almost all of the time, I do.

Leaving the only home I have ever known has put me over the edge. I agreed without hesitation, because Neteyam is my mate, and his family is my family; I will go where he goes, no matter how far - but I miss my parents, and my own siblings, and it's hard to imagine that I may not ever be able to see them again.

As much as I love the Sullys, as much as I am a Sully... I am something else, too.

When we arrive, the beautiful shores that the Metkayina live on ease my worries for only a moment, until I see the icy reception of their Tsahik. Neteyri and Jake do their best to defend our family, and we're allowed to stay.

But they look at us like we're aliens, and one of them grabs my tail, pulling a little too hard. I yelp, and Neteyam turns on his heels, hissing.

"Neteyam!" his father calls, and Neteyam turns to him, eyes narrowed, and we fall back in line with the family. We are led to two pods, mauri, they call them, side by side. Tuk bounces happily along, and Neytiri is clearly displeased. We walk past them to our own pod, just next door, and I set what few things we have brought inside.

"It's nice," Neteyam says, and I stare at him, dropping our bags. "We have to put on a brave face."

"I'm too tired right now, Nete."

He approaches, reaching out and grabbing my arm. "I know. Chin up. It will be okay."

More forcefully that I mean to, I yank my arm from his grasp. "You don't know that! Stop pretending like everything is okay. Everything is... everything is bad, Neteyam. Allow me a few moments, to grieve my parents, and our home, and our way of life."

It will be hard to adapt here, to submit to being a student, to learning all the different ways these people live. I liked our old ways, and our old home, and I don't know who to be mad at.

Neteyam reaches out again, and I flinch away. He stands up straight, backing away.

"Y/N, I'm sorry."

Finally, I break. I have been trying for a long time to remain strong, a steady support for Neteyam, but I can't anymore.

I keep thinking of my tail being pulled on the beach, and wonder what kind of people we've settled with. Now, their cruelty has caused me to flinch at my own mate, who has never laid a hand on me in that way.

Tears spill from my eyes, and I fall forward, into Neteyam's open arms. "I'm sorry," I manage between sobs, and we sink to the floor. Neteyam cradles me in his lap, rocking slowly back and forth, as if I am a child.

I feel as foolish as one.

"I am grateful that these people have taken us in, and I am grateful for you, Neteyam, always. I'm just so tired, and I want to sleep. The thought of learning a whole new way of life is... exhausting."

He runs his fingers through my wind-tangled braids, separating them gently. "We don't have to do that today, Y/N. Today we will just rest. Tomorrow, we can worry about everything else."

Slowly, Neteyam lays back, pulling me along with him, laying me beside him. Our legs intertwine, and he cradles me to his chest.

"Just sleep now, as long as you need to." He presses a soft kiss to my temple. "Tomorrow, we will figure this all out together. You're not alone."

It's just the reminder I need. Even though I'm sad, and tired, and scared... I'm not alone. I have Neteyam, Neytiri, Jake, Kiri, Lo'ak and Tuk, and they all treat me as one of their own.

Jake calls me daughter, Neytiri calls me beloved, and even if I miss my parents, I have a true and wonderful family here.

Most importantly, I have a mate who holds me tenderly and kisses me softly while I cry, and gives me some of his strength when I need it.

We will get through it, together.

[ino-takumas-baggy-sweater]

A Second Chance, A Father's Curse - Part 4 (Ryomen Sukuna x Reader)

haha sorry it's a bit shorter than usual I've been really off my sleep schedule, it is 12.30am as i type this and i SHOULD be fixing my sleep schedule but i'm not bcuz i hate myself :)

Part 3 here

Warnings: Brief panic attacks, really shitty time skips because I'm bad at continuity, nothing else really (I promise this story will kick off soon)

Word Count: 3k

“Consequences be damned, we’re husband and wife now,” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to your temple that makes the crowd erupt into cheers. A bright smile crosses your lips and you nestle into his side, waving out at the crowd with him, before your father nudges you to stand at the podium beside Gojo.

You take a breath, feeling the sorcerer’s energy channel at your throat as he amplifies your voice, “Dearest Iqorians!” You say, “My beloved people, you have been nothing but kind to me as I have grown within the palace walls, and I understand the newest addition to our family was unexpected and may cause a stir, but I hope you can find it in yourself to continue trusting us,” The crowd has fallen to a quiet murmur as you speak.

“Ryomen L/n is our new Prince, my husband, and I want him to feel welcomed here,” You take his hand and pull him up to stand beside you, “He bears the tattoos of the L/n clan, and if that isn’t enough for you to trust him as much as you trust me, then I don’t know how else to convince you. Trust me as your lady, as your princess, that this man will strive to protect anyone who calls Iqoria home and will be a valuable addition to our defense and strengthen our nation,”

The cheers have grown almost deafening and you take it as a good sign, “We look forward to serving you as Prince and Princess for the long future ahead!”

The speech has drained your energy and you allow yourself to be herded back inside where Ryomen presses a kiss to your lips for the first time since your wedding day. You nudge into his space and lean your head up, following his lead for a moment before he pulls back, “You looked sexy up there,” He smirks, causing a blush to flare up on your cheeks.

You poke him gently, “Ryomen!” You scold, “You never know who could be listening,” He shrugs, “You’re my wife, aren’t you? I’m allowed to compliment you if I please,” Your cheeks hurt from how much you’ve been smiling and you feel emotionally charged, “Well… then I appreciate it,” You nod with satisfaction.

He pulls you back to his chest and you nestle yourself under his chin, breathing softly in the open silence. There are no more words, at least not for today, and you both quietly make your way back to your rooms where a large lunch has been set out for you to share in peaceful private.

-

“Why can’t I go see him?” “He is the Crown Prince my dear, he is tired and they need time to themselves after the long session,” You bury your face against your mothers skirts, “But I want to see him!” You whine.

Your mother sighs softly, petting the back of your head as she crouches down to look into your watery eyes, “Oh my dear,” She murmurs, brushing your tears away with her thumbs, “I am sure he misses you dearly, but we must let him rest as long as he needs, it is a taxing process, one which you will have to endure one day as well,”

You shake your head indignantly, “Nuh uh! I won’t get married, boys are mean!” “And B/n?” She smiles, her eyes twinkling, and you stutter, “B-but he’s different!” She pulls you into a hug, “And one day you may find another man like your brother who is, as you say, different. You just have to keep your mind open,” You roll your eyes, “Yeah yeah, I know mother,”

“I heard you were looking for me?” A voice behind you makes you break away from your mother with a grin, “B/n!” You shout, racing to him and throwing yourself into his arms. He lifts you up and spins you around a little, making you giggle with delight until he sits you on his hip and supports your body, “Did you really miss me that much?”

You nod, clutching at the shirt he’s wearing, “Of course I did! Nobody else would play with me the way you do!” The age gap between the Crown Prince and his baby sister was around thirteen years due to health complications your mother experienced after a miscarriage brought her to deaths doorstep. You were the miracle baby that brought light back into her eyes and energy into her bones.

Forced to marry and have a child young after she took the throne at around 19, she demanded respect and anyone who went against her prior to her miscarriage at age 22 often suffered great consequences. Her husband, the King, was her greatest strength and her closest ally, never overshadowing her and never once making decisions unless she specifically entrusted them to him.

Your mother was 32 years old and still ruling with a kind heart and an iron will, but there were small fractures. She knew her son was lonely, she was afraid of failing him, of failing her kingdom, should she fail to produce another child. She spent most of her pregnancy hiding it from the people until the doctors were sure you would survive to term.

And then when you finally arrived, everything fell into place. Your mother encouraged a bond between the two of you from day one and you were almost inseparable. He was fiercely protective when you were finally allowed to be seen by the people and insisted that he carry you or hold your hand when you were nervous or overwhelmed.

“Well now, we must change that!” He smirks, “Come! We shall go and play out in the gardens, I’m sure mother would like her turn to rest,” You make a quick stop in the kitchen and down in the attendants houses to collect the children of maids and attendants living in the palace before gathering in the garden for a raucous game of tag.

Your brother looked strong and ethereal with his new tattoos, you found yourself distracted by them in the few weeks to come, and he let you trace the ones on his face with your gentle fingers when he came to read you stories to help you sleep. You never asked any questions, aside from one, “Did they hurt?”

He looked down to you in bed beside him, “They hurt a little, but don’t you worry, they prove that you’re strong and you’re part of the greatest kingdom in the world,” He took a knee beside your bed as you shifted to face him better, “I give you my word as an honorable man,” You smiled brightly, “Then maybe I shall get married someday, just so we can match!”

He smiled sadly, “You should marry for the love of your partner, not for your love of me,” He brushed hair from your face, “Dear sister I love you,” You clutched your hands together, looking away shyly, “I love you too, and I promise I won’t do it just for you,”

-

“Sister must you be so rash?” His voice called out behind you and you turned, your arms crossed, “You know they mean well,” He caught up to you and you turned back to the gardens, continuing your walk. “Will you not even speak to me?”

“What is there to say? Do I get a choice of husband? I thought I was allowed to marry for love and not politics, but apparently I was wrong,” You ranted, “Mother can be so frustrating at times,” You can see him move to comfort you but he backs down at the last moment.

“I know you’re angry and upset, but you mustn’t speak to her like that, you can just tell her no and she will listen, you are not yet an adult after all,” “And what is that supposed to mean?” You spat. “Just that you are not ready for that kind of marriage, I meant no offense,”

You finally backed down a bit, crossing your arms and sulking in front of your favourite rose bush. “Sister will you look at me?” You peeked out of the corner of your eye at your elder brother, the ring on his finger catching the sunlight and twinkling cheekily as if mocking your outburst.

“I hope you will apologise to mother, you must know she would not go through with it without your explicit consent,” You felt you should have been angered further by his insistence on an apology but instead you just felt weary. “I will ask her to apologise as well, just promise me you won’t stay mad?” You nodded, if only to placate his fears. You didn’t feel like apologizing at the time, but you might.

-

You gathered your skirts, racing through the halls until you reached the stables. A quick scan revealed nothing, but you soon found him, “Brother! Must you go? So close to her birthday?” You cried, breathless. He looks up at you from where he is adjusting his gauntlets, “I’m afraid so, my cursed energy will be more helpful out there than it will be cooped up in this stone cage,”

He smiled, it was lopsided and reminded you of a rabbit, “Do not worry, I will be back soon, these cowards are nothing but rats, ambushing defenseless people in the middle of the night,” With a frown you raced closer and wrapped your arms around him, a little awkwardly because of the armour he wore but that did not deter you, “Please be safe brother, I beg,”

“I will return to you, do not let your roses die while I am away, alright?” You knew he meant more than just the physical roses you cared for in your part of the garden. You’d always been his rose, and you nodded as you pulled back, hugging yourself tightly, “I won’t let them perish,” Your voice shook but you forced your head high, displaying nothing but confidence.

You believed in his abilities, you believed more than anything that your brother would survive because he always did. “Her gift is hidden in my closet, I am sure you know where to find it,” He winks. A twinge of fear in your heart once again twisted like a knife. His daughter would miss him, she would ask where her daddy was and you would have to assure her that he would return, that he was out protecting her from the evil that roamed the earth.

She would not understand, as you had once refused to, but you would be there for her if she needed you. You stayed at the gate protected by a pair of guards until you could no longer see the light from the torches the battalion carried, allowing yourself to be gently escorted back to your rooms and what restless sleep awaited you.

-

“Your highness! Princess Y/N!” A voice behind you makes you turn from your closet to face the maid who spoke, “Yes?” She’s out of breath from running and you can see there are tears on her cheeks, “M-mail for you,” She whimpers, holding out a letter. You’ve been preparing for a dinner with the few nobles of Iqoria and wanted an out, this might be your ticket.

However you’re reluctant, considering her obvious distress, but you decide you must take the letter from her hand and unfold it. The seal is already broken from someone inspecting it and you smooth it out on your dress momentarily, lifting it to your eyes.

Dearest sister,

Your dearest and bravest brother.

If this reaches you safely, then I’m afraid I am either not long for this world or already gone.

Do not let my efforts in the settlements be in vain, I hear your new husband is strong? How I wish I could have met him, Gojo tells me he is raucous and proud, his energy overwhelming. I knew you’d find someone to match your energy. If only you’d married him a few weeks earlier. My sister, how I wish I could see your smile one last time. How are Mother’s tapestries coming along? How are Father’s hunting dogs? How are your roses? Do you still walk through the gardens under the stars, awaiting my return? It’s been too long since I saw you last, I fear you will be just beside my lovely wife as the last things on my mind when everything fades. I wish I could continue to protect you from the darkness, but alas I have been bested. Take care of yourself for me, take care of our people. I suppose they’re your people now, your husband will help you lead them well. I will miss you forever.

The page is dotted with tears when you clutch it to your chest, letting out an unfiltered cry and falling to your knees. The cry evolves into something animalistic, a scream tears itself from your throat, and suddenly Ryomen and Geto are sprinting into the room, your husbands hands on your cheeks as you wail. The letter is almost beyond readable but Geto manages to pry it from your hands as Ryomen pulls you into his lap on the floor, rocking you back and forth and gently shushing you.

You grip at his shoulders, fistfuls of his shirt pressing into your palms as you gasp for air, “Someone call for her parents!” Geto orders and the same maid who delivered the letter is gone in an instant. “Oh my love,” Ryomen murmurs, brushing his hands through your hair and rubbing your back, “Please, I am here,”

You shake your head, “My brother,” You gasp, chest heaving, “The Crown Prince, he falls in battle!” You sob, your tears streaming as Ryomen stiffens. Realisation seems to hit the both of you simultaneously and you look up, suddenly devoid of the ability to cry. His wife and her daughter will remain a part of the family but as she married into the royal family she is no longer the Crown Princess.

“Hail… the Crown Prince and Princess of Iqoria,” Geto says slowly, as shocked as the pair of you are. “I…” Ryomen’s fingertips dig into your hips as he pulls you closer, tucking his face against your shoulder to hide from the maids remaining in the room, “I’m not ready for this,” He whispers, his voice shaky against your ear. Your hand shoots up to the back of his head and holds him there gently, you feel yourself breaking apart but you cannot allow yourself to grieve for what you’ve lost just yet.

“Ryomen L/n,” You murmur, “Crown Prince of the Iqorian kingdom,” “My father will come for me,” He whispers, “He never intended for this to happen, he would never let me be king, not in Khoccadia and not anywhere else,” His voice rises in panic and you gently shush him, shooing everyone out of the room.

Once alone his tears begin to fall and you rest your forehead to his, your own dripping into your lap and dampening your dress, “He has no authority here,” You say, your voice shaking with grief, “You are mine, and he will never harm you again, do you hear me?” His eyes are frantic and his breaths uneven, “Ryomen, do you hear me?”

“I was never meant to be king, he will come for me, he will do anything to prevent it! You have to let me go, I’m just putting you all in danger, please, you have to let me go!” He shifts underneath you and you struggle to keep him down for a moment, before drawing on your own cursed energy to send an unrefined wave of it at him. He gasps for breath and you plant yourself solidly on top of him, “Ryomen! Listen to me! I’m not letting you go back there on your own, you’ll be killed and I’ll never forgive myself!”

His eyes finally meet yours and you take his face between your palms, “Ryomen L/n, Iqoria is your home now, and if Iqoria needs you to be a king then you will step up by my side like I know you can, do you understand?” He nods, his lips thin and tightly pressed together, “Stay with me,” You murmur, your body and voice softening, “Please,”

“You… need me?” He murmurs, and you nod, tears slipping down your cheeks once more. You push forwards and bury your face against his chest, hands gripping him so tightly as you fear he might shove you off and walk away. “You need me,” He whispers, holding you tightly as the two of you gently fall apart in each other’s arms.

Your big brother… your big brother is gone. You just wish you could have one last time with him, you imagine all the things you would do if you knew he was going to die, but all you can seem to picture is the gardens. Stars stretching above you, love in the words unspoken and golden memories held in each precious twinkle.

The door to your room opens and your parents enter, their faces as crestfallen as yours as you peek over Ryomen’s shoulder, “Oh my darling,” Your mother sobs, stumbling to the floor by your side and burying her face against your shoulder. You reach for your mother, staying on Ryomen’s lap as you hold her close, “It was supposed to be just an ambush, what could have gone so wrong?” You whisper against her hair, feeling her body shake like a feather in the wind.

“None of that matters, it is all up to you now,” Your father murmurs, his hand on Ryomen’s back as he tries to stay strong for the three of you, “You will ascend to the throne within the year, your mother…” His words die but you know what he’s implying. Your mother and father will retire and you will step up in their place, just barely a month after marrying.

“Everything will be alright, for I will be your light,”

hope you enjoyed!

Part 5 here

[onyourhyuck]

BACK 2 U. | Lee Haechan. (M)

prologue- “Stop laughing it’s not funny! I was literally having a bad day and then you said you couldn’t come back. I was this close to just buying that ticket.” + “You’re the best person in the world y/n and holy shit am i lucky to have you.”

the warnings: angst wholesome and slightly suggestive fic. Haechan is abroad for japan tour and it was supposed to end today, but he texts you saying the flight has been delayed and he can’t come back. Crying y/n. Haechan laughs at reader’s reactions finding them cute. Mild spice at the end.

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Donghyuck sent you a text that his flight departing from Japan back to Korea has been delayed, and that he cannot make it back to meet you at the airport today.

Not only did this sent you into multi-dimensional despair through more than one reality. It hit you like a deep truck. Weeks apart from your boyfriend, weeks of barely texting and calling. You were touch starved, love starved, you were deprived of Lee fucking Donghyuck. It physically pains you to imagine one more day without him.

When things got really stressful and hard for you, when life became a pain enduring alone, your boyfriend was there for you to remind you to hang on there you are nearly at the exit. He makes you continue to strive for the success. University is extremely— extremely draining, draining to the point you don’t feel alive as a human anymore. It leaves your spirit to diminish; hell it probably made you have no spirit at all. On the plus side, you are a MEDICINE student. To hell with it all, you’re this close to dropping it, by referencing to close you mean close to the point of any gaps between you and that big red button written ‘DROP OUT’

Your eyes tremble at the texting message, afraid and disappointed. You bite your bottom lip as your eyes were barely visible for you to read the message Donghyuck sent you: delayed flight. The next thing you realise , you turn your back around with your head hung low. Water dropping on the airport trampling ground, from your crystal-sparkling eyes. Fuck, should i just buy that ticket? Will that make me look like an obsessed clingy girlfriend who cannot handle living by herself? Or will that make me unstable? Those words ran in your mind like spreading wildfire of drought thoughts. Sure, your relationship has boundaries and space. Donghyuck enjoys his own time alone, but he enjoys his time spent with you twice as much too.

You give him what he needs and whatever he asks of you’re on it the minute his plum lips gave the word. The work he does requires him to be flexible with fans, the other members, his family and producers. You’re not his main priority and that is okay, he isn’t your main priority either. Your priority is surviving your university and graduating.

The moment you look at the leaving exit entrance of the airport welcoming you, you were faced with a familiar long build structure, a small snatch waist with an autumn-inspired shirt that sort of reminds you of Gryffindor theme from Hogwarts instead. Black long length leans reaching the long legs walking up to your frozen figure very leisurely and casually, as if it were a condescending joke and he had gotten the reaction he wanted.

Perhaps, he wanted. He didn’t expect you to full on emotionally breakdown in public and bawl your eyes out. But the element of surprise and shock, made him satisfied enough with this prank he had pulled. Donghyuck was in front of the exit and when he stood in front of you with a shit-eating grin looking at your pretty red face, with scrunch up eyes sobbing out depressingly.

“Ohh Y/n look at you.” He sweetly reprimands with banter in the tone, you come closer banging your head on his chest as you hit your palms the side weakly, breaking down with inner-croaks with each cry you muffle. “What sick joke is this Lee Donghyuck?” You weakly shout in his chest.

He smirks. “I was here early. I wanted to surprise you.”

“Surprise me, my ass. You’re a jerk. You’re the bane of my existence. How can you do that to me— seriously, I hate you. I wish you stub your toe every morning for the next thirty years and I wish you slip on a banana peal on your way to work.”

Donghyuck would watch you speak so quickly to the point he could no longer register a formal sentence from your slipping mouth. It’s almost like Mark Lee possessed your body for a hot minute and boy, was he not regretting seeing you go absolutely mental with him. To see you fume out your frustrations because he knows you missed him so much, as well as regret missing him so much considering he pulled this ridiculous joke on you. But you cannot help but love him and he so happy of relief that he is back.

He laughs, pulling your face in his hands where he cups it like a soft ball. “Oh god I’m so happy to see you too, my lovely loving and kind girlfriend.” He sarcastically adds with a hint of flirtyness.

He loves the way your cheeks puff out in his hands when he squished them together. The salty waterfall spewing from your eyes down the round red apple cheeks of yours made you ten times cuter than anything in this world and he was down-bad obsessed with you: physically, mentally and spiritually. You were the only thing he knew. Every word he knew. Every colour he knew. Every dream he saw. You’re his world and everything

“Stop laughing it’s not funny! I was literally having a bad day and then you said you couldn’t come back. I was this close to just buying that ticket.” You complain with your eyebrows knitting forward, now you’re sulking like a child. Donghyuck really cannot get enough of you and your amazing reactions.

“You’re the best person in the world y/n and holy shit am i lucky to have you.” He announced as he kisses your forehead. The minute you felt the pair of the softness of his lips and the loving embrace he has pull you in, your anger vanished. You melt in his hold and at the head kiss was enough to make you feel like you are alive again.

You mumble. “I know I am. So don’t do that again, please, I was really going to buy a ticket to Japan and come get you myself.”

He smirks looking down at your lips when the seriousness of your tone came back to life. Donghyuck’s hand brushes on your chin as his thumb rubs on the bottom lip, his darken gaze mysteriously flickers, eyeing you as if you were the prize of his darkest and deepest possessions.

“You should’ve.” He says. “You should’ve bought it. I would show you off to my fans.” You smile at his words as your heart raced at the action he had over you. Slightest touch was enhanced by 100 times. “And I would’ve had my fun with you in the japanese hotel rooms. They have really comfy beds…” he whispers before winking at you.

“We are in public, behave!”

Your lips fall apart as your cheeks and ears grow red. You thought he cannot be serious, but boy he was deadly serious about this. He grows out a happy laugh when you pull away, clearing your throat as you look around if anyone heard him; thankfully, no one did. But there was a high risk possibility anyone could of took a glimpse of that conversation. He saw your shyness, as a way of announcing you lowkey loved it but were too stunned. He always likes having you speechless. It’s fun.

“So…that’s a no to the invitation?” He begins and you look back at him, raising an eyebrow. You gently whisper. “I mean I didn’t say no…”

“I mean. Let’s just go home and do it. Right now.” You huff out walking out of the airport with your hands interlocking his, he smiles ear to ear. “With pleasure.” He sang. Donghyuck always will be Back 2 You.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu! REBLOG, LIKE THIS FIC AND FOLLOW ME FOR MORE UPDATES LIKE THIS IT HELPS A GIRL OUT

[llamaisllama777]

THE (very sad) LAES,TSAMS,EAPS REVIEW!!!

Okay. 👏 today's episodes did something to me emotionally, so let's talk about it.

Welp. Earth has reached her breaking point, and honestly, I don't blame her. Her one brother is traumatized cause he had to murder one of his brothers, the said dead brother is well... DEAD! He was the Earth's brother. He may have turned bad, but before he was, he was nice, and now... he's gone. He may have tried to kill her, and she even admits she would have never forgiven him, but he was still her brother. She's had to put on a brave face and be the sane one in all this when she too is suffering!

Moon is off gallivanting around in his lab trying to hunt down Dark Sun and isn't comforting his brother when he needs him the most (Please note this episode took place before the "Sun runs away" episode) Lunar is being an absolute PILL and not helping, he's just sitting on the couch watching nutella commercials for 3 HOURS! and playing with Dazzle, which is nice, but that's easy compared to what Earth has to do. She's effectively taken over all of Sun's chores, his jobs, and is trying to take care of him. NO ONE IS HELPING!

The only people who are are Solar, Earth herself and Monty...

(Ya, Earth, no offense, but I haven't really seen Monty help or even try to comfort Sun. To be fair, Sun and Monty aren't really close, but still, you talked with Moon, talk with Sun. Monty hasn't really done a lot to help Earth unless Monty has helped, and it was offscreen, which it might have been.)

Earth is emotionally drained and done!

Sun is sad.

Moon is M.I.A

Lunar is mad at her

No one is helping. It's just Solar and Earth.

Monty really came in clutch here again. He's the shoulder Earth cries on when she can't cry to anyone else. Earth, it will get better.

Earth also mentioned she is mad at Moon and is probably gonna have a talk with him after all is said and done... That's gonna be a really good episode! (Seriously, I can't wait for that episode and having an Earth confronts Lunar episode)

This episode wrecked me emotional. The sounds of sadness in Kat's voice, my 👏 gosh!👏 I can hear and feel the pain and sadness in Earth's voice. Kat, you did an amazing job!

I hope Earth will be okay and that this family will start talking about their feelings, and those bad things STOP happening to them eventually.

Okay, this episode emotional wrecked me, so let's see if Sun and Moon will do the same...

Still emotional wrecked, but in a good way. 😃👍

So, Sun is still at his lowest, but now Moon is finally helping. He's FINALLY here for Sun when Sun needs him the most.

It seems like at least one of the cats is warming up to Moon, so that's good.

(CAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! YAY, BABY!)

Sun and Moon's little talk was nice. Just having Sun and Moon talk above things and talk through things is nice.

Also, the I love you, brother. Part was cute. Oh👏my👏gosh👏 I👏loved👏that!👏

Also, Jack ate the wifi and Lunar get some help.

When TSAMS breaks me emotionally, LAES builds me back up, and when LAES breaks me emotionally, TSAMS builds me back up.

Now, on to the Eclipse and Puppet show.

... This Sun is gonna wind up on a list or something.

He kidnapped Foxy. Or at least what he thought was Foxy it was THIS universe Foxy not our Foxy.

But still, HE KIDNAPPED SOMEBODY AND TRIED TO FORCE HIM TO LOVE HIM! HOLY COW! SUNRISE/SUNSHINE GET SOME HELP!

Eclipse was a little quick on the whole. Let's get rid of him thing, but Foxy, thanks for saving other Foxy. Also, I love how jealous Foxy got when the other Foxy thought F.C. and Puppet was his family. He was like, "Kill him." And I also love how Puppet basically committed marriage fraud by writing it down that she and Foxy are married. 🤣 I love their relationship.

Foxy had a smart plan to reprogram the other Foxy and just give him to Sun, so Sun will have a Foxy and our Foxy can FINALLY retire.

Two birds, one stone.

It... um.. it didn't work. The other Foxy wasn't interesting and now just lives/works at the Foxy's log ride.

Foxy laid down the law with that other Sun basically saying STOP BEING A CREEP! I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU! STOP THREATENING MY WIFE AND DON'T EVER TRY TO KIDNAP ANYONE OR ME AGAIN OR ELSE I'LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN AND SICK F.C. ON YOU!

Good on you Foxy. Good on you.

Not gonna lie. This episode killed my love for this Sun a bit. DON'T GET ME WRONG! I still like him, but... woof. This was messed up Sunshine/rise.

Maybe we should get Miku to come here and give her this Sun.

Miku x EAPS Sun

OBSESSIVESHINE/OBSESSIVERISE/OBSESSIVEOBSESSIVE

Seriously, Sunshine, get some help.

AMAZING SAD EPISODES

(and one creepy one)

11/10!

Kat props to you and the acting in today's episode! 👏 👏 👏 👏

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Ah. It is very hard to not have a person that is My Person. I've always had one, or- thought I did. Perception being everything, that void was filled.

My first one I lost when I was still very young, and I held onto her and waited for her for decades before allowing myself to realize she hadn't been there since elementary school. My loyalty and love so deep, waiting on a ghost.

Another dear Person I kept and kept and kept despite their toxicity and leech-like behavior. They were my Friend, but 18 years on I finally had to cut them loose when I admitted to myself that I was hanging on to someone who would never do anything aside from drain me.... financially, time-wise, emotionally. It was hard putting my foot down. But that one was my choice.

Then there was... my Person. The one I met in college, who asked me to fake-date her to get back at her friend's for not telling her that they knew her boyfriend was cheating on her. I fell for her, even knowing she wasn't queer, and even when our deep and intense friendship was suddenly put on the back burner when she got herself a new shiny boyfriend, it took me ten years... ten years, to realize she wasn't my Person.

A Person isn't a lover, let me be clear. They're the one that's there for you. A deep friendship, sometimes more, certainly, but not all of these People have been Loves.

So watching her get married was a joy, though I had wanted more, and letting that romantic emotion go away was a easy. You see, I still thought she was my Person. And just this month, after years of not getting reached out to, of me doing all the work to see her, just this month did it finally click in, a decade after thinking this was my Person, that she isn't. She never has been. I just thought she was.

I have a partner I'm married to. I have children. I have family that love me. I am blessed and grateful in many ways.

But I have no friend who is my Person. The one who sees me. The one who thinks about me as often as I them, who plans together and cares the same way.

I have a lot of ghosts of people I thought were more than they ever were.

And today, scrolling through my phone contacts and my social media I really had it hit home.

I don't have... anyone, anywhere close to the brief flickers of closeness I'd had with these ghosts. Online friends who I've never met in person come as close as possible, but no one I can touch. Or invite over. Visit, hug, plan things with, talk to in person.

I am surrounded by the ghosts of those who moved on, and the transparent holograms of friends I cannot reach.

It is.... lonely.

[theastrical]

yesterday exist; so does today

Alzheimer is a hastle to deal with, you know this well, after all you’ve been here since the day you graduated nursing school, yet you’re still working in the central care centre for the paycheck. You know you shouldn’t have involved yourself in the matter of patients, realising it would emotionally torture you till you retire.

kaeya & fem!reader (platonic relationship)

implied major character death, mentions of suicide, heavy angst, comfort/hurt

note: hmmm honestly i don’t really know what i write since i write this out of boredom..AO3 LINK

“Kaeya Alberich, age 35. Current symptoms, memory loss and confusion.” same old thing again and again, writing down the patient’s data and insert it into sheets for the centres “transparency”, interacting with them and leave them to the hands of the doctors until they finally meet death years later. you read the data that was preserved on your desk and you gave off a long sigh, just like another day, a patient’s data worth of nothing on your hands are waiting to be checked by you.

The writing was messy, like an old calligraphy, the patient placed the picture quite asymmetrically, he also seemed to have slipped down several documents which you also have to read. Some of it written as “confidential, only medical teams and legal experts can access”. Finally, something to stick your nose into that makes this job at the very least, interesting.

“hey you look like you wanna bleach your own eyeballs, what’s up, new patient?”

you got caught up by one of your closest colleagues, jumped through the words, your voice all hoarse from the lack of water you consumed. “Yea, he gave me these documents that probably cost me half an hour to read…”, the americano you bought almost gone, making you to give a longer sigh.

“don’t bother buying another coffee, your shift is almost done.” , your colleague implies after your words.

“Hmm…okay.”, muttering the words. Your eyes widened by the data he had registered over himself.

“It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a patient who registered themself over their own name instead of a legal guardian, right?” , you asked your colleague, who seemingly has no life inside his eyes.

“hm? yeah, in fact, i’ve only gotten two people who registered themself here, two of them are old folks without a family…their death made me mentally drained, i miss them both.”

“fuck”, you curse with a voice that now seems to have a slight regret on it. “What?”, he replied. “He’s not even old enough to register himself in this centre”, “how old is he?”, your colleague asked out of curiosity, since this sort of cases can make your mind all rounded, he’s young, so why bother admit himself in this death row…”thirty five, 7 more months to thirty six”. “our age, is it not?”, he replied while moving his chair to your desk, now interested. “based on how he write his data, the symptoms are already chronic.”, you mutter, observing every of the information while your colleague looking through his diagnosis.

“goodluck taking care of him”, your colleague pat your back.

and just like that, you know you’re going to face the most emotional phase you’ve ever had in this hell-hole workplace.

By Saturday, you met the man. His eyes are sharp, rigid and bold, hue blue that never to be seen before, and believe it or not, he looks like he came out of a fictional series. His eye-bags are visible and his hair all tangled up from the braid he made by himself, allegedly. “Goodmorning, am i talking to Mr. Kaeya Alberich?” , he fidget his fingers over his cardigan, playing with the cloth that he worn just to avoid any of his hallucination and confusion. I know that means he’s uncomfortable with the surrounding or maybe his own existence…”yes..”, his voice sounds like a chirping crows, hoarse and deep, yet soothing to hear.

“Sorry, i have to ask, why am i here..?”, oh my, it already seems like he’s already losing his sense.

you take his confidential papers and explain it to him, all patient and prepared to have him lose his mind, you explain it with a voice that made his ears able to accept it just by a slight mutter, “mr. Alberich, the papers say that you choose this centre so you can go through your daily life without worrying of improper death. Hence you’re here to retrieve the deal, to have yourself admitted in here.”, he looks at you with confusion, but suddenly he changed his thought and his once-reaction flew from that face of his. “Oh? Hahaha! Is that why i’m here? Because of myself?? Oh funny! I haven’t write that one on my notes! Maybe i have to after this!!”, his laugh sounds sarcastic, it makes you uncomfortable…but alzheimer patients are always like this, they can’t control what they currently suffer from and you’re the one to take care of em.

“anything else would you like me to explain?”

“quick question, what’s your name?”

“[name]”…you seem to have doubt his question, whatever he needs from you to ask your name? This is weird.

“nice to meet you, would you mind taking care of me while being my friend?”

“you don’t have one sir?”, shit, i dropped the bomb.

“i have one, but we…i-…i forgot haha..”

it’s expected, his scan was something out of the ordinary, it’s no use trying to avoid the worst case scenario, it’s already in front of him.

“mr. Alberich, i would love to dis—“

“s-sorry can i have some water first..? I forgot to bring my water bottle from my apartment..”

you nod and brought him a cup of water, you start to inhale the air around you. “So..can we start our discussion? If so, may i ask you to fill out of these forms for me, if you’re unable to, we can ask your legal guardian or…”

“i’m sorry uh…i-i don’t remember my legal supervisor or guardian…” he stops at his track, probably going all confused from the lack of context his brain has dismay for him. “may i ask wether you can help me fill this out based on the…i-i don’t remember the registration i made sorry… but can you fill out based on those..?”

“It’s fine i understand…let me accompany you to the doctor’s office, how does that sound? I’ll inform the doctor about your details after the check ups…since this is a u—“

“doctor’s office..? I thought this is a library..? I must’ve gotten lost…i should borrow the book to write an essay for the professor oh shit..?! N-nurse?!! Wh-why did—“

suddenly your colleague barge in to the conversation to help you with this patient you’re handling, a rare cause that can’t be helped by a normal being.

“Sir, please calm down. This is Alzheimer medical centre, the papers say that today you’re being admitted to this ward for the sake of your own self, so please don’t act rash. We’re here to help you.”

he calmed down before tears run out from his eyes. Typical symptoms of Alzheimer patients are their intense change of emotions, it’s hard to deal with since you don’t know either if they’re going to stay sad, happy, or angry, or just…neither? You don’t know, even your colleague can’t read them.

you pat his back, “sir, how about you talk to the doctor first and we can discuss about the next matters soon? Will that be easier for you?”, your voice sounds genuine, this is the first time though. This man ticks your heart to feel such an empathetic move, it doesn’t make sense, since you never feel the need to feel them too.

“…sure…i’m getting insane….please help me nurse….f-fuck i don’t even remember your name…”, he chuckles after that insane remark he just made. “o-okay, l-let’s just go…make sure that i won’t die before my birthday…please..?” Is that his last wish? If it is…then sure, i’ll make sure tomorrow and today exist for him. I can always do that but…why now? Why him? Shit whatever happened to the promise i made to myself?

“okay. I will.” i smiled, shit, i’m not even that good on keeping promise to myself. I just broke it now…and i’m currently lying too. What if he expect so much?

he’ll just forget it, i’m sure of that.

but then the guilt? No…no, i don’t even want to think about it anymore.

everyday, you would visit him, in that small room, the aroma-therapy you had set for him was quite of…soothing and pleasant, you’ve always put some aromatherapy on the side of chronically ill patients just for them to remember that they’re currently living on reality, for them to remember that…they’re currently still going on with their life and that’s fine, it’s hard enough to survive, to wake up. Kaeya seems to have knew this well, after all, he would always greet you with a smile, a ghostly smile. He would always talk to you, trying his best to train his vocal, sometimes there’s hole inside his conversation, but that’s okay, he tried to stick in the present and not in the future. That’s enough for you to know that kaeya still has the energy to keep on living.

he’s surviving…all he had is this room, his clothes, and himself. No, not even himself. He doesn’t even know the existence of himself. Maybe i’m the replacement of that blank space across his memory? Yeah that’s what a nurse supposed to be, right?

he had always stare at the window when you passed through the hall of the ward, almost like he had lost his senses over that spot. Sometimes you would hear him mutter…”don’t…jump.” to the window, his tears coming through his eyes, and his hands are shaking. It was terrifying, at first. He would get near the window while his eyes are all watery and he doesn’t seem to realise his own movement.

“hey…stay alive…”

“hey…hey….i’m here…”

“why did you jump…?” , this exact sentence hasn’t been told before. Thus, made you jump into conclusions…

after what happens to be an hour after that mutters he made inside the room, you went to check on him. He’s on the couch, reading his own essay. The handwriting almost unreadable, the essay was long, confusing, and…the papers are all scraped.

“Hey…mom?”, shit, it’s only been a month since he was admitted here. The scan told me that his progress is fast and horrid…yet this one is too much.

you continue the act, that’s what you’ve been told and what you’ve learned. “yes kaeya..?” .

“mom, an insane person leave this paper inside this house…can we stop…renting this place..? It’s dangerous right? Can we leave mom..? I’m scared…i’m so scared mom.” he nudge on your clothes and start to hug your arm.

“n-no sweetie…there’s no such as an “insane person”. Now…how about we eat our food first to keep you healthy from being hunted by the ghost..?” This would be a good way to communicate with kaeya…you thought. Sihce he’s slowly losing touch, it’s better for him to dream, after all…he wants to survive this until his birthday, right…?

you served him the food…it’s not the best one, yet it already made kaeya hungry. Though, suddenly he loses his reconnection to his hallucinations once more..

when he look at you again, his face turns into a confusion…he smiles politely, “s-sorry uh…i remember meeting my mother…uhm…might i ask if you know where is she and…who are you?”

“I’m [name]…and you must be kaeya right? Your mother asked me to have you here.” You lied, so whatever you would say can never shocked him nonetheless.

“o-oh i see…but mother has died…just a few days ago…she jumps from that balcony…” he points out to the window, there’s no balcony, he’s hallucinating that he is on his house now. “well..at least i know mom left me with a new friend…right, [name]..?”, you gulp, yet you just smile and nod. You know this is the only way he can connect to the world…

“kaeya?”

“….who’s kaeya?”, he asked you. His eyes wander. Then it meet yours. He holds your hands, securely. “I wanna know kaeya…i’m…yaya…mother told me i’m yaya so i’m yaya..”

“somebody i know, you’re interested?”, you teased him, your voice brightful, chuckling at the way he seems so interested at the man she would call his past, sugarcoating the man you see before you. It has been 2 in a half month since he was admitted here, tomorrow is already the third month.

“is he…smart?”, that’s the first thing he asked. He’s presenting your image as a maid that has the same as his. His hallucination seems to touch the corner of his past..

“no he’s dumb…he doesn’t remember my name.”

you told him and he immediately scoffs..”hmph! Then why do you talk about him, i don’t like dumb folks.” He must be a brat back when he was a kid huh?

“Nothing, just feels like it.”

“then you’re quite of dumb for thinking and talking about him..he probably doesn’t remember you. So abandon him!” his hallucinations are actually right, he doesn’t remember you and you’ve been trying your best to make sure that even when everything goes bad…he still has the chance to live.

because…you can see yourself in this position. Helpless, nobody, and lonely. The emotional relation that connects you both are intense and unintentional. Yet you kept on trying to make sure, the part of you that he has in him…is enough to keep him living. Since, all you wanted is to see another version of the person you want to be..alive. You read the confidential paper on your desk once more, the one where he slip over his registration papers after you leave him all alone inside his room.

“This hasn’t been legally acclaimed and i just like to have this piece of information slip through the files you guys have of me by now. i have read several of information about this disease, i know that i can die just by being there or here, but there are somethings i like to share about my life. Something that would probably remind you when you see me through this illness, hallucination or memory loss, or both, maybe you can correlate those with my story. My mother committed when i turned 15, that was her present for me…she loathe me, she think of me as a burden for not being the one who’s sick enough to die just like my adoptive brother, diluc. So when she die…i thought i also have to die. After all, i have nobody, my father was away and i’m just his adoptive son, whatever have i done to this family? So…in my early adulthood, i develop a chronic memory loss due to trauma, as per my psychiatrist mentioned. It was…alright, at first. But then..at the age of 30, it becomes some-what more like a delusional. I know it wasn’t right so i decided to check myself at this age, 35, when i barely even remember what is my name without my phone reminding me who i am again and again. I wanna die…i can’t help but to live off the guilt i didn’t even made. So please…my only last wish is to die at the age of 36…just like the age of my late mother. Alzheimer is my karma and i wish, for all of you, to repent my sins…just like what i intend to do.”

“I’m sorry for putting so much pressure on all of you, but i assure…this is what i intend to do for the sake of the guilt that drive me insane everyday.”

I realise that He’s a suicidal bastard who’s unlucky, i’m trying…i’m trying so hard so he can live and survive another day. ‘Cus i…i can let somebody as young as kaeya to die and rot in a bed that every patient left with silence in their heart. Cus i can’t let somebody who always smile at me for giving them survival chance to die. His instinct says that he wants to live, so why bother reminding him of this. I’ll just follow his hallucination…until he finally know that he lives and he has to. So please…don’t remember your last wish, just remember that…the day you die, is the day you wish to rest forever.

So kaeya, remember that i’m here, for you to live, until you’re exhausted.

At the fourth month, he lost half of his memory of his adulthood.

At the fifth month, he lost his mobility. Limiting his speech and whatever he usually do daily…is nothing.

i kept trying, i kept on trying…so he wouldn’t remember his last wish. I want to change his course. Cause tomorrow and today still can be change, it still exist the way it is.

10 days before his birthday, you nag on him. Telling him a delusional story you made out of his hallucination for the past months. You’ll pretend to be his mother, his brother, and everything…convincing kaeya to survive. His muscle memory reacted, positively, just like what you expected. After all, you’re trying your best…to make sure that this man last longer than his initial death, cause he deserve one last chance that Alzheimer cannot give to him.

“kaeya…mother is proud of you for reaching this far.”, you mutter to his ears…it perks up. His head wants to move to the direction of your eyes.

“kaeya…you’re doing great…don’t give up now, it’s almost your birthday, maybe let’s have a party with diluc too? He enjoys being with you too, you know?” , his muscle picks up that words and smile slowly.

“kaeya…what do you wish for..? I’m sorry that i can’t be the best mother…that’s what you asked for right..? A present mother..?”,

“Then…survive this week…next week…and more months to come. You deserve a chance to live and see more of the world..” you recreate the words he helplessly crave, so kaeya….with all of his might, able to live, able to regain his purpose in life, to have his guilt all weakened, to the point that he decided to…live for another day. It seems evil, indeed, it is evil, but that’s what he needs…kaeya deserves to live unlike those old fucks that has no manners, kaeya is only a child in adult’s body…

he wants to live, but he can’t…right?

“kaeya…happy birthday….” , you mutter the words perfectly. You pronounce the words as if you’ve already excelled your ways to imitate kaeya’s mother for him. If it’s sympathy, why are you being so kind..? If it’s empathy, why does it matter if he’s alive or not? Because at the end of the day, you find yourself in that piece of him, a kid in a grown up body, and you wish to have somebody like you…live another day, just like you.

he cried. somehow…his tears shows his pain…his past…and everything. Despite the delusion you’re feeding him with, he still holds onto the hope of another day where he can hear his mother’s forgiveness.

his tears was falling rapidly while his eyes are all shining…finally, you sighed. There’s a hint of survival in his eyes once more and it made you…proud, even when you’re not a thing to them.

he survived 36…and i hope i survived 67 too. It’s nice to know that you’re my last patient, kaeya…let’s chat again, i know you would love to hear my story…even when you don’t remember my name any longer.

you put the flower on his memorial space.

from “nurse [name], have a happy reunion with your family.”

taglist: @dailypenpen , @daydreaming-paradies

[st-eve-barnes]

My mental health has been so bad again these past few days. I was doing really well this year but summer hit me hard, so many ups and downs but the downs were worse than ever before, like crying out of nowhere several times a day worse, I've never had that before.

I finally took the step to go talk to my doctor about it today, something I've never felt the need to in the past cause I was fine 80% of the time and when I wasn't it was just a few bad days where I still managed to function and then it would pass again. It's never left me emotionally drained the way it has now. Doctor started by taking blood and looking for anything physical that may cause this strong reaction. I don't think she'll find something, depression runs in my family, I've managed to control it so far but I feel it's only a matter of time before I don't and that may be now. I just want to feel better, whatever it takes at this point.

I also just want to express how grateful I am for this fandom space and all the interactions and friends I made on here. On those really bad days this place is one of the only things that manages to really distract me when I have nothing else going on and it's really been a lifeline❤️ (and I may fangirl a little extra hard these coming weeks to distract myself)

[void-ink-studios]

Lost but Loved, Forever and Always

Don't be alarmed by the title, no one dies in this fic.

I wanted to do this for quite a while. Prismo has been constantly comforting Scarab. It's time for Scarab to return the favor. We're talking about Jake tonight.

And, this is my own catharsis. I've had more death and health scares in my close family in the past 3 years than I have my entire life. So... this is to them, I guess.

So... yeah. Enjoy you guys.

TW: Suicidal Ideation and Alcohol Abuse

Word Count: 2,700

Prismo was missing.

This was a new worry for Scarab. He was usually the one to disappear into the Time Room's lower chambers, usually to recuperate his aching shoulders.

But it was Prismo missing today. Scarab hadn't seen the Wishmaster nearly all day, not since the one wish maker wandered in. Even then, Scarab's companion seemed very... withdrawn. Quieter than he'd ever seen him, at least not since before Fionna and Cake.

Prismo's energy had been draining out of his spirit over the past few days. He started going quiet at random intervals, with seemingly no trigger.

Scarab was fretting.

He was not used to fretting. Prismo always seemed... untouchable, emotionally speaking. Unflappable in the face of it all, always a lazy sort of happiness radiating off of him. But... this was not anything the beetle was used to.

He wondered if he should search for Prismo... The Wishmaster had gone looking for him more than once, he should return the favor. But what if he didn't want to be found?

Hmm...

Maybe he'd go find Prismo, then back off if he wasn't wanted. Yes, that sounded like a decent plan.

He closed off to entrances to the Time Room for now and scuttled down into the basement.

Okay, where to look... Scarab's first thought was the pickle room, maybe he was just working on a new recipe? It wouldn't explain the melancholy, but it was a start.

So, to the pickle room Scarab wandered. He idly thought about how well he knew his way around this section of the Time Room now. Oh, how himself from a year ago would have cringed...

Okay, pickle room is empty. No evidence of it being used.

Come on Scarab, you're an Auditor. You've tracked down things that could teleport across the multiverse. You can find one messy Wishmaster who can't leave the Time Room.

He took another look around. There had to be something, anything in here...

Wait, there!

There was a missing jar from the shelf, a trail of brine on the floor. Bingo.

Scarab followed the trail, the faint smell of alcohol slowly seeping into the air. Or, maybe it was stronger, but he couldn't tell. Either way it was... concerning.

"Prismo...?"

Hmm...

He doesn't recall coming this way before. The walls of the Time Room seemed to be coming more unstable the further he searched. Walls with random notches in them, the floor becoming trickier to navigate, drop offs appearing suddenly, walls sliding into each other.

Wait a moment...

Wait, this was familiar. This was where the chase for the Crossovers ended in the Time Room.

Which means...

Scarab found himself staring at Prismo. Both forms.

Prismo, the Wishmaster, staring down numbly at Prismo, the Dreamer.

"...Prismo...?"

Prismo looked terrible, for lack of a better word. He looked tired. Scarab wasn't sure how a dream could look tired, and yet, here he was. He looked... empty. Just staring blankly at his own body, slowly drifting up to Scarab. And, even with his own crippled sense of smell, Scarab was smacked in the face by the harsh smell of alcohol and vinegar. There was a half tipped over pickle jar in the corner.

"...hey..." he murmured. Just like his gaze, his voice was... empty. He said nothing else, drifting his gaze back to his sleeping body. He took a silent swig from a bottle.

"Uhm... What are you doing down here...?"

"...Thinking."

Scarab made a few tentative steps closer to his partner.

"What about?"

Prismo remained silent.

"Prismo...?"

"...You... wouldn't get it."

"I wouldn't?"

"You don't... talk to people. Talk to mortals." His voice sounded wobbling, his voice trailing up and down. Drunk. Prismo was drunk.

Scarab had never seen the Wishmaster... drunk. Tipsy on Star Punch. Maybe a bit too loud and cuddly after a game night with the guys. But this was just... sad.

"You're right, I don't talk to mortals. But that wasn't what I was asking. I was asking what you were thinking about."

Prismo didn't look up. It was honestly making Scarab nervous.

"...You ever think about how long immortality is...? Like... compared to the shorts that pass by upstairs everyday?"

Scarab blinked, pondering.

"I do, sometimes. It's... inevitable with beings like us."

"Hmm... Beings like us..." Prismo sighed blinking tiredly. "They're like... like a blink... Like a spark and then they're gone..."

"I suppose..."

"...Why am I still... here, Scarab? Like... I'm what, hundreds of thousands of years old? I think that's too long, don't you? I died at some point... I sometimes... wonder if I should've stayed that way."

Scarab felt his chest seize, suddenly also very fixated on Prismo's sleeping body. He... he wouldn't right...?

"I... I'm thankful that you are still here, Prismo... More so than you might think..."

"Hmm..."

Prismo took another drink.

"...I'm only alive because of a mortal..."

"Really now...?"

"Yeah. It was... well, super off the books. Wasn't even pinged by the Organizer... Not supposed to get involved with mortals and all that junk... But... well, he was one of my best friends... and... well, that's all I've got left of him."

Scarab gave him a confused look, approaching Prismo's body. It was unnerving, seeing the warm, soft old man the beetle loved so fondly being so still and silent... Wait, was that... fur?

Yes, right there, at the edges of the beard and hair were little whisps of yellow dog fur.

"What on Glob...?"

"Yeah... I got killed, and he helped me with my backup plan. Long story. Complicated. But, a copy of him became... me. It's his dream and memory of me keeping me alive. And... well, the original passed away. A while ago. And... Well, this is all I have left of him. Just... staring at him, looking like me, but that's not even really me..."

Prismo was spiraling. Scarab could hear it in his voice, he was spiraling.

"Prismo-"

"And what was it for? He's... He's stuck here or he's dead or he's a monster or whatever else, and for what? For... me? For everybody's pal Prismo. What a joke."

"Love, what-"

"I got nothing, Scarab. I've tried to have something. But... what do I have to show for it? The banjo? Fucking pickles? A hot tub? I got nothing."

"Prismo" Scarab hissed, sternly, gripping his upper arm, stopping Prismo's spiral.

"Prismo... how long have you... thought about this?"

"...I dunno, man. It comes and goes again..."

"Prismo. You know I, and many others, would be... heartbroken if you disappeared. Many were the first time. Even when I had my grudge, I felt... empty when you vanished."

"I... I know, I guess... Maybe that's why I haven't... done anything. Not yet, at least..."

Scarab warbled, nudging his head against Prismo's shoulder.

"...I might not know much about your... mortal friend... but I don't think he'd want you... wallowing like this."

"Oh, what do you know" Prismo snapped, startling Scarab. "You don't know him! You don't know how this feels!" His eyes flashed purple, a black color pulsing through his whole body before returning to normal.

Scarab took a few frightened steps back, looking up at the Wishmaster with wide, uncertain eyes.

Prismo's eyes sparked with immediate regret. He looked at the bottle, then back to Scarab. He groaned in frustration, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I just... I don't know how to be when I'm like this... I've... I've never felt like this before Jake... I don't know man..."

Scarab chirped out a soft sigh, feeling emboldened to come closer. "...It is not exact, but... I do know a bit of what you're feeling, Prismo..."

"...You do?"

"Mhm. So. How about this. You tell me about this... Jake. And I'll tell you about Cricket. We'll mourn together."

Prismo seemed to be considering.

"...Can we... stay here with him...?"

"If that's what you'd like, love. But let's not loom over him, okay?" Scarab gently tugged Prismo's arm. And he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when the Wishmaster allowed to be tugged. The beetle retireved the pickle jar, and the two sat down, leaning against each other.

"So... Jake?"

"Yeah... Jake the Dog."

"...How'd you two meet?"

"A wish. His brother, Finn, they were chasing their universe's version of the Lich into my Time Room. The Lich wished for the end of all life, and I granted it. Finn wished for the Lich to have never existed. They both got warped to their new realities. And then there was Jake..."

Scarab tilted his head. He'd heard of the Lich. One of those beings he'd have liked to take in, but couldn't. Vital to reality and all that nonsense. He didn't know Prismo met him before the incident with the Citadel.

"Jake... Well, I think he was in shock or something. He... seemed confused. Didn't know what to do, what to wish for. He nearly wished for a sandwich, but I talked him out of it. Like, I could just make a sandwich, no need to waste your one and only wish on it. So... we just hung out. We watched Finn's wish altered reality for a while, and we talked. Mortals never really... stick around long enough to talk. To know me as anything other than 'Almighty Prismo.' He chilled with Cosmic Owl and me. He had some of my pickles, said they reminded him of his dad. And I just... couldn't stop smiling. Some... some human part of me hoped he'd never make a wish, just so he could stay..."

Scarab could hear Prismo's voice shaking, so he pressed his head against his upper arm and nuzzled, chirping quietly.

"But... Something in Finn's wish reality started going wrong... He started to panic. I... I definitely broke protocol on this but I talked him through his wish. The wish that would make things go back to somewhat normal, and he was gone. I sent him some pickles, invited him back, but... Well, I never thought he would. No one just comes back to the Time Room, not unless you're a god. He got his wish, why would he want to come back? But... he did. Again. And again. And again and again."

Scarab wrapped around Prismo's arm, nuzzling softly as the Wishmaster sounded on the verge of weeping.

"He became one of my best friends. He was... something special. He'd level with me like a person. He didn't have this... weird, distant respect that everyone first comes at me with. He treated me like a person and... well, that was special to me. More so than I ever really noticed... not until he was gone for good.

"When the Lich killed my human body, Jake was the one who volunteered to help bring me back. That's him, sleeping in the bed. It's him keeping me alive. And... I don't know, I don't know how I could possibly repay him for that... I can't just bring him back to life, he belongs to Death now... and I don't think he'd want it. He's on the highest Deathworld, and he deserves to be there. I'm not gonna take him away from paradise just for my sake..."

Prismo trailed off. Scarab assumed he was done talking now, as he gently massaged the Wishmaster's arm.

"Thank you for telling me, Prismo. He does sound special. And I'm sorry you have lost that."

"...I can't talk to the others about it... They'd just say I was stupid. It is stupid, getting that attached to a mortal like that. So... you're the first person I've told, I guess."

"Is this... Finn still around?"

"I think so... Humans live a lot longer than dogs. I see him on the screen wall every once in a while."

"Have you thought to talk to him? I'm certain he's mourning Jake just the same as you. It might be nice to share memories of him."

"I dunno... I don't know if my heart could take it if I got attached to Finn..."

"Hmm... That's understandable, I suppose..." He reached up, gently rubbing away the tears from Prismo's cheek, nuzzling it lightly, even trying his best to kiss it.

"So... Who's Cricket?"

Scarab hummed. Time to hold his end of the deal, yeah?

"Well... My situation with Cricket doesn't align exactly with yours... I knew Cricket from when I was still mortal, rather than meeting them in the middle of eternity. But... well, they were my best friend."

Prismo's eyes widened at that.

"Cricket and I were neighbors, in the mounds. You tend to bond pretty quickly with those burrows around you, but Cricket was my first and best friend when we emerged. They farmed mushrooms while I patrolled. Our routines would have us pass by each other a few times a day, and we'd both get into heaps of trouble for slacking off to chat."

Scarab chuckled at the memory, trying to picture Cricket's face... Glob it's been so long...

"I told them everything. We told each other everything. What we thought about our other friends, who we thought we fancied, what might've been up in the stars, all of it. Thinking back, they actually remind me of you, in a lot of ways. They had this... magnetism about them, it made it easy to talk to them, they were charming and relaxed in ways I wasn't. I... I suspect, if my life turned out simpler, we could've been mates."

Prismo gulped at that, leaning down to listen.

"But... well, then I saw the mouth in the void. They helped me research, they helped me train, they helped me get that audience with the Pantheon. They gave me a crushing hug when I went to go fight. And they were the last I spoke to when I ascended. I promised I'd come back for them someday..."

Scarab rubbed his mandibles together, hesitating.

"I... I've said I haven't seen my home since then. But... that was a bit of a lie. I did go back, once. But... I hadn't realized how much time had passed between me leaving and coming home. What felt like, maybe 5 years to me was... almost 70 for them. Eternity messes with your sense of time like that. I never saw Cricket again. It's been so long; I feel guilty I can't clearly remember their face... I remember a few things, though... they had a deep blue shell, their antenna were long and curled, they laughed loud enough to get neighbors to complain about our late nights... But I can't remember their face. Not clearly anyway."

Scarab sighed, leaning into Prismo's open arm.

"...Does it ever get easier" Prismo whispered. "Knowing you've lose someone that important...?"

"...I'm not sure if easier is the right word... It never really stops hurting, when you think about it. But... it becomes a part of you. A part that prickles and catches you off guard sometimes, but a part of you none the less. You eventually evolve the hurt. The hurt mixes with everything else you felt about them. The hurt of the loss blurs together with the warmth of memories."

"Oh..."

There was a long silence, as Prismo looked between the body sleeping on the pedestal, and the drink in his hand. He gently set it down.

"...I might not know much about Jake. But I can tell he was special. It's okay to feel that hurt when you lose someone special. But... don't let it drown the warmth you felt with them. Remember them. The hurt just... tells you how much they were loved."

Scarab felt the tingle of light as Prismo wrapped around him completely. He could feel the Wishmaster's chest struggling to heave. The beetle shushed him softly, petting his talons against what he could reach.

"...One second" Scarab whispered. He conjured both himself and Prismo a small glass of Star Punch. He picked his up. "A toast. To Jake."

Prismo blinked wetly, a shaky hand reaching for his glass. "To Jake. And to Cricket."

"To Jake and Cricket. Lost, but loved, forever and always."

The two clinked glasses and took their drink.

Scarab knew talking about this would bubble up old emotions. That cloyingly harsh coldness, fighting with an aching warmth. Thinking too long about his home did that, sometimes.

But, it was worth it. Worth it to remember his friend. Worth it to bring some comfort to his partner. Worth it to bring some light onto the peacefully sleeping body across the room.

Lost, but loved.

Forever and always.

[under-the-eye]

We got the terrible news today, when Derrick called saying my dear sweet Mama had passed into the Watcher’s embrace.

Apparently she just slipped away in her sleep, like she knew it was time.

We all went back to Newcrest for the funeral. The whole family was in shambles– she had always been there for us, always there, far more than my father was, and now she’s gone. It’s like a hole has been ripped in the very world.

Derrick and Mary-Faith hadn’t organized much for afterwards, so we just got back in the car and drove right home again. It took several hours, but I was too emotionally drained to care.

When we got home, I was surprised to see my sister waiting for me there– she had driven out from the city when she heard the news.

We sat and talked for a long time, about our lives and our family. At that moment it was exactly what I needed, to talk to my twin and have her understand me without judgment.

Genesis: It’s ok, Beka, don’t cry.

Beka: But… but grandma… *sniff*

Genesis: She’s with the Watcher now.

Javi was thoughtful enough to order dinner so that I wouldn’t have to worry about cooking. Eventually, though, I had to step back up and be a mom again.

Magdalene: Mommy, did granny go to live with grandpa with the Watcher?

Mariah: Yes, that’s where she is now. One day we’ll see her again, I promise.

Oh Watcher, please hold my mother tightly to You and keep her in Your heart. She was such a faithful woman, never wavering, and always full of love for all of her children, even the ones who turned away from You. I would be so proud to be even half the woman she was.

Mama, I love you. Goodbye.

[barmadumet]

💐 happy Valentine ❤️

Thank you so SO much! You have no idea how thankful I am for sweet anon messages today. It’s been a rough one.

I am finally home; I had stayed with my parents a few nights helping my mom take care of my dad post triple bypass surgery. It was very hard to leave. Earlier today, we had him up and moving, and he blacked out and fell.

I am so glad I was there; I was able to help my mom brace him and get him safely to the floor, so we could wait for paramedics to arrive.

I am so drained, physically and emotionally. It’s hard to believe two weeks ago, I was just arriving in Orlando and looking forward to a fun weekend. Life has been so chaotic and stressful since then, going back and forth from state to state and lacking sleep from all the worry. Time is quickly and frightfully passing me by.

The most challenging part about this is the distance my parents have created between us. Many of you know the background… For 35 years, my parents were literally my best friends. Then, about 21 months ago, they decided to move away. The fact that they are across state lines now, and no longer a 3 minute drive from my house, has made this so much more difficult. And unfortunately the distance these last almost 2 years, isn’t just physical. We aren’t the family we once were. It’s complicated and strained. And every day I still have to fight the feelings of abandonment and rejection - that worthless feeling that tells me I never truly mattered to them the way I once thought.

More than ever, I am so incredibly grateful for everyone here. You guys give me the strength to go on when I so often feel like I have nothing left after so many impactful losses in such a short span of time.

Happy Palentines Day ❤️ I wish I could give each and every one of you a big hug AND a grand box of chocolates and cuddly teddy bear! (Bear n shit lol) 🍫 💝 ���

Love you all so much 💘

[darkhairedmenrule]

Comfort in Love

This is for my friend @dantesunbreaker who needs some extra comfort right now. It is technically gn reader but he asked for Dew and transmasc reader so that's what I had in mind while writing this. I hope you enjoy it, sorry if it's not what you wanted.

To say you were not having a good day was an understatement and a half. Sometimes you can wake up and feel somewhat ready to start the day, others less so, and then there are the days like today. Days like today, when you awake from your voidlike sleep cycle and find the world already pressing in on you. Days where getting out of bed feels demanding and unfair to even consider. Days that no matter what you seem to accomplish, you find that you have 2 more tasks to do in its place. These days are a constant uphill battle and even with supportive clergy members and friends, it seems to drain you faster than you can get your chores done. Days like these make you feel grateful to call the Abbey your home, a safe space where you are free to be yourself and surrounded by friends who care and want to help you in any way that they can. And even though you know that your friends want to help, there is only one person who can help you feel more yourself after a day like today.

So when you finally get the last of your chores done for the day, you head back to your shared room to find your love. Opening the door to your room you find that your partner has not returned from his chores of the day, so you take off your shoes and other accessories and head to the bathroom to get ready to relax. After an emotionally draining day, you just want to go to bed and Cuddle with your sweet Dew, but you want to feel at least a little cleaner before getting into your bed. After cleaning up and changing into more comfortable clothes, you head back into the bedroom and see your little stuffed friend watching you from the bed. Even though they can’t talk and offer verbal comfort, they can cuddle with you and keep you from feeling too alone with your thoughts. Cuddling with your little stuffed horse that you have sweetly named Dewdrop, you try and maintain some sort of calm. It is even harder on days where nothing feels like it has gone right but you do your best to breathe slower and deeper while you wait for Dew to get back. 

A little while later, when you are starting to feel the exhaustion take over the anxiety and stress, you hear the door to your room open. Looking over to the doorway you see Dew taking off his accessories and mumbling to himself. He’s talking too quietly for you to hear what he is saying, but that is not what you are focused on right now. Your love is finally done with his day and you feel like you could cry with relief at seeing him. As he looks up, he notices that you are in your bed cuddling little Dewdrop, and a tired smile tugs at his lips. “ Hello my love, how are you doing?” he asks as he finally heads over to you, crawling in bed and pulling you close to his chest. “ Not great, today was just awful. Nothing I seemed to get done was right or what was needed. Then my family was awful and I-” You cut yourself off, burying your head into the space between his neck and shoulder, letting out a frustrated sigh.

Dew brings a claw-tipped hand up to your head, gently petting your head and holding you close. “I'm sorry that your day has been unfair to you my love. I wish I could help more but I'm here if you want to vent or you  just want to cuddle and let your mind relax.” You let out a little sniffle as the tears that you have been holding in all day finally slid down your cheeks in hot streams. You tap his arm twice and snuggle further into him, letting his body and presence act like a balm to your tired mind and weary soul. “ Alright sweetheart, let's just relax for a little hmm?” You make a small hum in response and relish in his slow, sweet loving brushes of his hand on your head and back.“ I love you, sweet boy, I know today has been rough on you and you are feeling too much but I just want you to know that I'm here and that I love you. Always. Nothing anyone or anything else has said or done will change that.” You feel a small smile pull at your lips and you whisper into his neck a quiet “I love you Dew” while you relax further into him. You might not be able to relax like this for long and you might need to vent or cry or do something else to get these thoughts out of your head. But for right now, you have your beloved Dew, and he's not going to let anyone or anything make your day worse. He is going to be here for you and help in any way that he can, holding you and loving you while you find your peace. 

[bakingtherapy]

Breakfast with Cordelia #29 Banana Cream Pie

Sul Sul, Gerbits. Today we are going to be making something that gave me an anxiety attack. I started making one recipe, but then I ended up doing a different Banana Cream pie.

My dad used to tell my mom, “if you feel the recipe going south, you can find a different recipe.” So that is what I ended up doing with this recipe. I started with a Betty Crocker recipe, and then I ended up doing a Taste of Home recipe. 

The first problem that I had with this recipe was that I started making a custard pie at 4 pm. It would have been if I had started earlier. Cain came into the kitchen to make some nachos, and I started freaking out because of time. Saying that I couldn’t do anything because I suck at time management. 

I will provide you with both recipes down in the description below. Because I used the ingredients from the Betty Crocker Cookbook, and the directions from the Taste of Home recipe. 

I don’t know why but I like making two pies, whenever I make a pie. Maybe it is because I have a large family and eight slices will not feed everyone. So, I usually double my recipes. But for the video, we are going to be making one pie. 

The first thing I did was make the pie crust. For this recipe, I thought that the chocolate crust would give this pie something different. So to the pie crust mix your flour, salt, cocoa powder, and sugar. 

Cut in the shortening with a pastry blender or fork. Keep doing this until the mixture looks like small peas or pebbles. 

A tablespoon at a time add your ice water to the flour. Place on a lightly floured surface and roll, so that you can gather all the dough into a ball. Wrap it with a plastic wrap and place it in the freezer. And let it set in there for about 30 minutes. 

Preheat your oven to 475 degrees. 

After the 30 minutes is done, you are going to take it out of the freezer and start working with it. Roll it out to the size of your pie pan. 

Bake your pie crust now for 8 to 10 minutes or until it is a little darker in color. 

Combine your sugar, flour, and salt to a saucepan. Word of caution, do not turn your stove top on yet, or you will get a burnt caramel. 

With a wire whisk, stir in the milk and mix it well. 

On medium heat, you are going to cook this until the mixture has thickened and bubbly.

After it has thickened, continue to stir another 2 minutes. 

Remove the custard from the heat. 

You are going to temper your egg yolks. To do this add a little bit of the custard mixture to the egg yolks, and mix. Add everything back to the saucepan. And continue mixing until it is a gentle boil. 

Continue stirring 2 minutes after it has boiled. 

Add your butter and vanilla, make sure to cool it slightly before putting it in your pie crust.

On your pie crust, you are going to slice the bananas on the bottom. And then pour the filling over the top of the bananas. 

Cool the pie on the wire rack for about an hour, and store in the refrigerator. Or if you are crunched on time like I was, you can place the pie in the freeze. Until you are ready to eat it. 

I liked this recipe. If I was to make this recipe again I definitely would start earlier. Starting at 4 pm is not a good idea. Everyone told me that it was okay, and the result was really good. It tasted really good, and they told me that it was just missing coconut and it would have been a different type of “Guy Pie” which is a recipe that I will most likely talk about in the future. 

I hope I did not confuse you with the layout of this recipe. This was how my brain was when I was in the middle of doing this recipe. It was like I was running a race, with asthma and I was losing. While I was the only person running. Eventually, I did get to the finish line. But I was emotionally and physically drained. 

I hope you liked this recipe. Feel free to like and subscribe for more recipes like this one in the future. Vadish, Dag Dag!

Show the original author some 💖💖💖 Taste of Home

Show the original pie crust, author, some  💖💖💖 Betty Crocker

Printable version of this recipe: on the blog

Printable version of this pie crust recipe: on the blog

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