#my face when smelly fish man

[sleepyhe4ded]

Fish aura /neg

Full under the cut

I actually had a blast drawing this one, I based it off of this meme that someone on reddit edited over. Sobs

[eddie-van-munson]

The Princess Bride (Farmhand!Eddie Munson x Princess!Reader)

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Warnings: Mentions of Blood (Nothing Graphic), Kissing, One Subtle Allusion to Smut, Childhood Best Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn...I think that's it?

Summary: You've been best friends with the stable boy since childhood, but when a suitor comes from across the sea to ask for your hand in marriage, you're forced to finally confront your feelings for him.

A/N: I hope y'all like this! I've had this in my drafts for literally over a year, but people seemed interested when I asked, so here it is! Please, Please, Please leave a comment! It will keep me writing!

Six Years Old

Your earliest memory of him was from the stream. 

His head was a mess of wild brown curls, so thick they nearly covered his eyes, and his pants had been rolled up past his knees. You'd been sitting in the gardens, ignoring your tutor's endless lesson on etiquette, when you spotted him through the clearing. He wobbled as he waded further, jumping forward suddenly as he tried to catch a fish with his hands. You had to hide your giggle with a polite cough, lest you be scolded.

The boy heard you, though. He stared at you as you obediently walked along the bank behind a man with a large nose. 

You made eye contact with him, and as soon as he noticed he'd won your attention, it became a game. Suddenly, he was pulling funny faces and splashing around the creek like a giant. He held your gaze all the while, flashing you a two-front-toothless grin when you finally fell into a fit of giggles. 

You'd had to recite forty lines that afternoon because of him, but it was well worth it to share a laugh as he mucked about in the water.

***********

Six Years Old

The next time you saw the boy, you'd fallen ill with fever. It'd been a few months since the stream, and you almost didn't recognize him as he plopped a bundle of healing herbs down on your bedside table. 

"You don't look like a Princess." He crossed his arms before him as he eyed you suspiciously. "You're awfully pale…And you're not even wearing a crown or a dress or anything." 

"I'm sick, you knob." You frowned, "No one wears a crown to bed." 

He hummed, sticking up his nose. "I thought Princesses had to be grown-ups." 

"I'll be queen when I'm a grown up." You announced, bossily. "And you'll have to do everything I say, or I'll send you to jail." 

He scoffed, "Not if I'm the King! The Queen has to do what the King says!" 

You rolled your eyes, "Well, you can't be King." 

"Yes, I can! Haven't you ever read King Arthur?" He pointed, brows raising. "I just have to find an enchanted sword and pull it out of a stone. Then I'll be the King, and I'll send you to jail." 

Your cheeks went pink as you argued, "King Arthur isn't even real!" 

"Yes, he is! And I'll be just like him! King Edward the First!" You giggled, and the boy flipped around from where he'd started strutting around the room, proudly. "What?"

"Edward is a funny name." 

As wildly offended as the boy was by this comment, he had to hide the smile that crept to his face at the sound of your hoarse laughter. "It is not!" 

"Yes, it is! Who's ever heard of a King called Ed? King Eddie!" You held your stomach, falling into another fit of giggles. 

He turned from you indignantly, "Fine! Stay here all alone with your smelly herbs, then! I don't need any silly ole' princess!" 

"No!" You croaked, sitting up in bed. "Don't go. It's so boring up here. I can hardly stand it." 

He sighed, putting a hand on his hip, and thought for a moment. "Only because you'll have me beheaded if I don't." 

***********

Ten Years Old 

"Oh goodness…You've gotten mud on your dress!" 

Your mother fussed over the little blue dress you were wearing, kneeling beside you to get a better look at the damage. Splotches of brown had been smeared over your front. Even your hair had a few streaks of dirt. 

"I got in a mud fight with Eddie." You informed her, as if the mess was perfectly justified by this. 

She chuckled, "I see. It looks like he may have won this time, hm?" She gave your cheek a gentle pinch, making your nose scrunch. 

"No, he didn't!" You turned, pointing at your friend. He dragged his feet behind you, looking defeated. 

Your mother burst into pretty laughter at the sight of him, resting a hand on her stomach. "Oh lamb…come here." 

The poor boy was absolutely caked in dirt. Not an inch of him was left unscathed. His wild curls were sopping with heavy mud, and you couldn't even see the embarrassed flush on his pouty face. He looked like he'd rolled around in the pig pen.  

The queen tutted affectionately, smirking. "Oh what am I going to do with you two?" 

***********

Thirteen Years Old

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Tears welled in your eyes as you sat in the windowsill in your room, watching Eddie as he walked quietly by himself in the distant fields, below. "I don't like seeing him cry." 

"He'll be alright, love." Your mother cooed, taking a seat beside you. "I know it's hard to see him in pain, but the poor dear's lost his mother. It might take some time for him to feel like himself again." 

You sniffled, holding your knees. The words trembled when you spoke again.  "He'll be sent away, won't he? He won't be allowed to stay at the palace anymore." 

The Queen frowned, stroking your hair. "Why do you say that?" 

"His mother worked in the laundry. That's why he's lived here so long. Without her, he-" You trailed off, voice cracking as you gave a soft sob. 

"Oh, silly girl." She chuckled softly as she dried your tears. "You think we'd throw Eddie out all on his own?" 

Your brow furrowed, confused. 

"Eddie's a strong boy, sweetheart. He works very hard in the stables and takes good care of the horses. He holds his own…and even if he didn't, he's family. We'd never send him away." 

Your whole demeanor relaxed, "You really mean it?" 

Your mother smiled, "Of course." 

Still, your eyes didn't leave him. You sighed, "He's so sad...He's sad and I don't know how to fix it. 

"I wish we could fix it for him, darling, but that's not how these things work. You can't take away that hurt. You just have to let him feel it." She straightened her dress as she stood, giving your hand a loving squeeze. "But that doesn't mean he couldn't use a friend." 

***********

Fourteen Years Old 

"I didn't know Princesses were allowed to climb trees." Eddie's grin was stained sweet and red, his legs crossed over a branch lazily as you plucked another strawberry from the bushel you'd collected that morning. 

Your etiquette teachers would be appalled if they could see you now, wearing little more than a chemise in the summer heat as you straddled a thick tree branch. Your feet were bare and dirty where they hung in the breeze. You smirked, "They are if nobody sees them." 

Eddie laughed, and it was such a clear sweet sound that you wished you could keep it tucked inside a locket. You sighed, longing to freeze time and keep things just the way they were forever.

You relaxed against a branch, "I've got my whole life to do what royalty is supposed to do. I've got to do fun things while I can still get away with it."

Eddie chuckled, "Maybe I'm a bad influence on you, after all.

You frowned, "Did someone say that to you?" 

He shrugged, unbothered. "The maids whisper it. They say a young lady shouldn't be left alone with a young man." He put on his best 'prim' voice, making you giggle. "I'm a threat to your innocence!" 

You held your stomach, laughing. "A threat to my innocence? That's horrible!" 

He grinned, "You're telling me!" 

The breeze rustled the leaves in the tree as you lounged, breathing in the sweet summer air. 

Eddie had strawberry juice on his lips. For the first time, the tiny, ant-sized thought of kissing it away crawled into your brain. You squished the ant. 

A bad influence, indeed. 

***********

Fifteen Years Old 

"Tag!" 

Eddie sprang up from the corner of the barn, sprinting after you as you ran off into the fields. 

You lost him quickly, cutting down and into the gardens. The morning dew was cool as the grass tickled your bare feet, and you nearly slipped as you ran over the stone path. A gloved hand grabbed your elbow to steady you. You turned to see a member of the palace guard; his brows furrowed. "There you are, Princess. Your Mother-" 

It all happened so quickly. Eddie ran through the bushes, a playful grin tugging his lips, and grabbed you from behind, "I've got you!" He yelled, drowning out your giggles. 

Before you realized what was happening, the guard ripped you from his hold, tossing you aside. Eddie was thrown onto the stone path, his temple hitting hard against the tile. Distantly, he heard you shriek. His vision was fuzzy and starry when he felt the weight of the guard pin him down, a drawn sword shoved against his throat. "You shall not touch her!”

"Stop! Stop it!' You grabbed the guard's arm, But he threw you back down. Eddie choked your name. 

"Stay back!" The guard barked at you, pressing harder against the blade. Eddie could feel blood trickling from his head. He was trembling, eyes closed tight. Still, the guard yelled in his face, “Who are you? Hands by your side!” 

"He's my friend!" You screamed hoarsely.

"Get off of him this instant!"

You'd never been so happy to hear your mother's voice in your life. The guard dropped his sword at the sight of her rushing towards him. Immediately, his face drained pale as a ghost. "Y-Your majesty!" 

"Get off of the boy, for god sakes, he's a child! Get off!" The man clambered off of Eddie as your mother knelt beside him, fussing over him dotingly, "Oh sweetheart, your head…You're shaking like a leaf…" 

He blinked hard, trying to clear his vision. The queen turned to the guard as you pitifully crawled over to your friend, pushing his curls back off of his forehead. "I'm sorry I'm sorry-" 

The guard searched for an explanation, "Your majesty, I thought the boy was-" 

"I know what you thought!" She snapped, sternly. She was well aware of the whispers surrounding yours and Eddie's friendship. Your mother's lips were pursed, cheeks red. You'd never seen her like that before in your life. "It gave you no right to hold a weapon to that child's throat!" 

"Your highness, I-" 

Your mother ignored the guard, turning back to you. "Help me get him inside." You nodded obediently as she squeezed Eddie's shaking hand, "I'll send for a doctor to check your head, darling."  

Eddie nodded, dizzily. 

You sat with him later that night when the doctor had gone and his head had cleared. The mark on his forehead would scar, no doubt, but it had been well tended, and any concussion he suffered was minor. This knowledge, of course, did nothing to soothe his nasty headache. 

"You're not a very good sport, you know." He groaned as you took his hand, smirking. "Siccing the palace guards on me just because I tagged you?" He tutted, "What a sore loser." 

***********

Sixteen Years Old 

"You have to tell!" You ran after Eddie as he hauled a sack of oats through the gardens to the stable. 

He ignored you, holding his nose high. "No, I don't. I don't have to tell you everything just because you're a princess."

You crossed your arms, "You have to tell me because I'm your best friend, you knob. Best friends don't keep secrets!" 

"Sure, they do. You mean to tell me you've never kept a secret from me?" 

You groaned, "That's different! You have to tell me if you fancy someone!" 

Eddie sighed, turning to face you, and dropped the sack of oats. "Why do you want to know so bad?" 

You blushed, stammering. "I…I want to help you confess your love!" 

Eddie laughed, "What a lie! You just want to tease me!" 

"Oh, Come on!" You pouted, putting your hands on his shoulders. If you tell me who it is, I'll tell you a secret, too."

"Tempting." He sighed, picking up the sack again and throwing it over his shoulder. "But no." 

***********

Eighteen Years Old

"You've got to keep it down…"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as he guided you towards the stables. "Why?" 

He laughed, "If I told you why, then it wouldn't be a surprise." 

He smirked when you groaned, reaching for the latch on the barn door. “You know I don't like surpris-..." 

 You went silent as he led you inside slowly, revealing a soft colored mare, and below her, her newborn foal.

"Oh!" You gasped, a smile creeping to your face. You stepped forward, wanting to approach the baby, but Eddie took your arm, gently pulling you back.

"You've got to be careful...the mare's protective of her. I nearly got kicked in the teeth this morning." He chuckled, enjoying the amazement in your eyes as you watched the mother and baby interact. 

"She's beautiful." You mumbled, grinning. 

Eddie couldn't help but smile, "She's strong too..." He paused, breath fanning your neck as he spoke just loud enough for you to hear. "She'll make a good riding horse, one day." 

You met his brown eyed gaze, biting your lip shyly as he nudged your arm with his elbow. 

You could feel him admiring you. 

You liked it.

***********

Nineteen Years Old

"Oh, Eddie. He was horrible…You wouldn't have been able to stop laughing!" 

Eddie clutched his stomach, laying back against the grass as he toyed with a wildflower. "That's because it's funny!" 

Your fingers fumbled with the ends of your hair, untangling the intricate hairstyle it's been tied up in. "It's not so funny when it's you!" 

Eddie grinned, looking starry eyed, "It really just fell off of his head?" 

"During dinner!" You exclaimed. Eddie fell into another fit of laughter. "Right onto his plate in front of everyone!" 

Your friend sighed, wiping his happy tears as he sat up to gather a handful of clovers. "I can't believe he wore an honest to God wig. The poor lamb." 

You laughed at his faux sympathy, watching his hands as he wove together stems. 

He looked so different from the little boy you'd befriended as a child. His wild curls had grown just past his shoulders now, his bangs often covering the scar on his temple. His arms and back were beautiful, muscles sloping gently beneath his skin, and while he was a hint more bronze than he had been as a boy, his freckles remained. His nose and his dimples had never changed in the slightest, and those big brown eyes reassured you that no matter how much Eddie had grown up, he'd always be that silly little boy, deep down. He'd always be your Eddie. 

"But what's the verdict?" He chuckled, "You never said. Is he the one?" 

You groaned, "You're mocking my pain." 

"I am not!" He fought a smirk. "I didn't want to assume. Maybe he was a wonderful conversationalist." 

You giggled, yawning. "I wouldn't know. I didn't catch a word he said after his hair went into his soup. 

Eddie gave you a fond smile, laying on his elbow beside you, "Here you are, princess. A crown." 

Your heart felt oddly achey as he draped a handmade crown of wildflowers over your head. You smiled, affection in your eyes. 

Your throat was tight when you spoke, "You're better than any prince, Eddie Munson." 

His cheeks flushed faintly. "Well, I don't know about that…" He tapped your nose playfully. "Most princes don't smell like a barn." 

***********

Twenty Years Old 

"Eddie, darling!" Your mother had called to him as he cut through the gardens back to the stable. His brows raised when he turned to find the Queen accompanied by you and the King. A man Eddie had never seen before held your arm, an unreadable expression on your face. Eddie bristled. 

"Your Majesties." Eddie nodded his head politely as the group approached, his muscles stiff with wariness. 

Your father gave a proud smile, gesturing to the stranger on your arm. "Son, let us Introduce you to Prince Carver the Fourth: Heir to the Throne of Hawkins."  

"An honor to meet you, Your Highness." Again, Eddie bowed his head. He'd never seen someone that looked so stiff. The two of you would have fun joking about it, later. 

Prince Carver was older than you, and by the looks of him, he'd never been outside a day in his life. Every last one of his blonde hairs had been tediously placed, as if he'd been sculpted out of clay, and his boots were perfectly polished black leather. The blonde eyed Eddie with disdain, crinkling his nose at the sight of his work clothes. "Yes, I'm sure." 

Eddie fought an eye roll. Another suitor, he assumed. The Royals were only being polite by offering him a tour, seeing as he'd travelled so far only to be rejected.

The Queen stepped towards him, glancing at the prince. "Eddie has become a very dear friend to our daughter, Prince Carver. Perhaps he would make a nice addition to your staff. He's served us so well in our stables." 

Confusion was visible in Eddie's face. An addition to his staff? What was going on? He looked to you for help, but your eyes were cast down into the grass. 

Prince Carver cleared his throat, "Unfortunately, we aren't lacking any farmhands at the moment, but you need not worry about the princess, your highness. She'll find much companionship in Hawkins, once we are wed."

Eddie felt his blood go cold. Absolutely frigid. 

Once we are wed. Once we are wed. Once we are wed.

His mouth opened to say something, but he couldn't find a single word. He was desperate to look you in the eyes, but his gaze was only met by a small shimmer on your left hand. An engagement ring. 

"Please excuse me, Your Majesties." 

****

Eddie hadn't cried like this since his mother died. 

He hadn't felt the blow of such terrible loss since he'd been orphaned. 

He sat alone in the barn on a stool, tears rolling down his cheeks as he gently stroked his fingers through the mane of the foal he'd surprised you with two years ago.

It was a pretty horse…full grown now and patterned with soft brown spots across her back. You'd named her "Sweetheart" after hearing Eddie call her that. 

Come're, Sweetheart. 

Here you go, Sweetheart. 

Good job, Sweetheart…That's it. 

Pain shot through his chest at the realization that the horse would probably get to go with you to your new home. 

But not Eddie. Eddie would be left behind. 

He clenched his jaw, eyes burning as he buried his fists in his curls and tugged. He was angry. He couldn't help but feel angry. It wasn't fair. His whole heart was being shipped off to God knows where, and there wasn't a word he could say about it. 

It wasn't your fault. You were a princess. Your hand in marriage was a pawn in a game of political chess. It had been since the beginning. Both of you knew this. You always had. So why weren't the two of you happy that this inevitable union was one that would lead the country to thrive? 

Eddie took a deep breath, relaxing his hands from his hair and rubbing tears from his face. 

You'd daydreamed with Eddie before. Lots of times. It was always the same thing.

I wish we could just run off and live in the woods, Eds. Just you and me. We could build a little cottage beside a stream. That way, we could swim in the summertime. You could finally teach me to fish, too. 

Is that what he'd been expecting? Had he hoped, deep down, that he'd somehow end up in that cottage after all, spending summer days with you by a stream? 

Maybe. Or maybe he'd just wanted you. 

He'd dreamt up hundreds of different futures for himself. There were countless paths he'd wandered down curiously in his head, over the years. Some were outlandish and fantastic…some were more modest. As much as they varied from day to day, he was realizing now that his hopes for the future had always held something in common. 

He'd always had you. 

****

The next week seemed never ending. 

Eddie didn't see you once. You were avoiding him. That much was obvious. 

Before the proposal, you made a habit of visiting Sweetheart at least once every day. You liked to brush her as you talked with Eddie, twisting braids into her coarse hair. She was spoiled rotten, no doubt, but that didn't leave the horse feeling any less deprived of attention with the sudden loss of your quality time. She'd gotten fussy over the week, whinnying and pacing in her stall. She'd even started kicking again, when she was feeling particularly agitated. 

Still, you made no appearance at the stable. Eddie was surprised, however, to look over the gate one evening to find Prince Carver walking swiftly through the grass. 

"Your highness." Eddie nodded, spotting the green apple in the man's hand. "Have you come to feed the horses?" 

"Certainly not." Carver scoffed, "I've come on behalf of the Princess. I find it inappropriate for her, as a lady, to be spending time in the stables. 

 I've reassured her that I'll take it upon myself to fulfill any required visits with Sugarplum." 

Eddie frowned, " Forgive me Your Highness, but I think you might be thinking of Sweetheart." 

The man scoffed, slapping the apple down in Eddie's hand before storming off.

 "Whatever the damned thing's name is." 

Eddie swallowed hard, calling after him. "Would you like me to show you how to feed her, Prince Carver?" 

The man laughed cruelly, "Heavens no. That's your job, is it not?" 

**********

"What on earth are you-! Edward Munson!" You gasped, immediately dipping over the stone ledge of your window to reach for him. He laughed, flashing you a boyish grin as he took your hand, pulling himself up and over the sill. 

Christ, you'll crack your skull one day!" You muttered, the both of you giving way to the effort and falling to the floor with a thump. 

"For the present my skull remains intact." He reassured, giving a faux bow of his head. 

You snorted, plucking dead leaves and briars from his thick dark curls. "What on earth put it in your head to climb all the way-" 

Eddie caught your hand, his eyes landing on your engagement ring. His thumb brushed over its stone as your heart sank into your belly. 

"Oh." 

Eddie studied the ring for a moment, taking in its details. There was a long silence. Finally, you spoke. 

"It's a dreadfully heavy thing." You pulled it off, placing it on your bedside table. "It catches on my gown, anyways."

A knowing smile crept to Eddie's lips. He sat in the silence for a moment before reaching into his pocket. 

A small wooden ring was produced, painted delicately along the band with tiny white flowers. He slipped it onto your marriage finger. "How's that one?"

You were breathless. "It..it's..." 

It was perfect. It was the most beautiful ring you'd ever seen, though you couldn't find the words to say so. 

Eddie's thumb brushes over the flowers, "I carved that for you when we were sixteen."

Tears welled in your eyes.

"I had it in my mind to propose to you then. The gardener stopped me when he discovered my plan." He gave a sad chuckle. A comfortable silence hung between you. Eddie took your hand, humming. "Would you have said yes?" 

"Eddie..." A tear rolled down your cheek, only to be brushed away carefully by his ever-gentle hand. You gave a sad laugh, your thumb stroking over his wrist. "You're not being fair." 

"Maybe not." He whispered, "But any man should be damned if he saw you and didn't want to keep you."

"It's cruel." Your voice wavered with emotion. "You know I've loved you since we were children...nothing can be done about it, Eddie."

"Nothing can be done about it?" Eddie gave a humorless laugh, "You're going to be Queen. Everything can be done about it." 

"What would you have me do?" Your brow furrowed. "Tell my father to end our alliance with Hawkins?"

"Yes! Hawkins only seeks to use us for our resources. Forest Hills is better off without their partnership." 

You swallowed thickly. The cicadas sang their response from the Glenside below. Again, Eddie wiped your tears. 

"Love is not something to be kept only for common folk. Your father will understand that. So will your kingdom." 

Something in you crumbled under his gaze. You drew closer, letting him envelope you in his arms. He held you for a long time, stroking your back, sweetly. 

"I spoke to your mother." He cooed, pressing a soft kiss to your hair. Your head tilted back; eyes wide as you stared up at him. 

"Did you?" 

"Yes." His eyes were so warm and brown. You had admired them many times before this, but never quite so closely before. "I knew I was to ask for your hand...I couldn’t very well ask for your father's blessing, so I felt your mother's would be just as valuable. To us, at least."

You smiled, your forehead resting against his. "What did she say?" 

Eddie chuckled at the memory, "She pinched my cheek red. I wish you could've seen it. She cried and held my hand...told me she'd always known I would ask her one day." 

You gave a watery laugh, your fingers lacing tightly with his.

"She said she didn’t know if it was possible for me to make you mine, but that nothing would make her happier." 

There was a long silence. Eddie cradled your face, "Do you feel the same, little Princess?" Your pretty eyes fluttered at his whisper. "Do you love me the way I love you?" 

"How could you even ask?" 

Eddie chuckled, "Because I've done nothing but profess my feelings for you tonight, and now I'd like to hear you do the same." 

You chuckled, your smile fading with thought. 

"I knew...I knew I loved you about five summers ago." Eddie smiled fondly, his cheeks going pink. "We practically lived outside then...the world seemed so bright and warm and I didn't realize then that it was all because of you." You reached up, carding her fingers through his messy hair.  "The sun turned your curls golden on the edges-" 

Before you could finish your sentence, he was kissing you. He was soft and warm and strong, holding you close as you melted for one another. Eddie laughed, breathless, when you parted. "I'm afraid I win, then. I've loved you far longer than that." 

You laughed brightly as he kissed you again, working his way down your jaw to the column of your throat. "When?" You breathed, whimpering as he nipped at the crook of your neck. 

"It's hard to say." He moaned softly as you coaxed him back up to your lips, your hands lacing in his hair. "All I know is that I've never loved you more than I do right now." 

Another tear rolled down his love's cheek. He kissed it away. 

"But why these tears, now? Am I really that terrible?" 

You gave a watery laugh. "No. Not at all I...I just..." You gave a little sob. "I want to marry you. I want to be your bride and keep you always, but I can't-" 

"Marry me, then. Right now." 

You frowned, tucking a strand of his curls behind his ear. "What?" 

Eddie thumbed your ring as he caught your hand. "Do we not have a ring? A gown?" He swallows thickly, eyes darting between your night clothes and the mattress beside you.  "A marriage bed?" 

Slowly, You stood, guiding Eddie to stand before you. "We...we have to make a vow" 

"What kind of vow? I've never been to a wedding." 

You stared up at him, eyes brimming with love. "S-Something about.... For richer and for poorer. Through sickness and in health. From each sun to each moon." 

"May I write my own?" 

A tear rolled down your cheek as you nodded. 

He looked down at your hands, so soft and perfect in his rough ones. "I wish I could tell you that as my wife, you will want for nothing. I wish I could make you flowery promises about how you won't have a care in the world...but since I can't make you those promises, I'll make you the ones I can." 

He knelt before you, gazing up into your eyes. 

"I promise to you that no matter how hot the summer's day, I'll always climb to the highest branches to find you perfect, sun-spotted apples."

You giggled, a grin splitting your cheeks.

"I promise to let you spoil your horse as badly as you wish. Never again will I deprive her of a single sugar cube." 

Another giggle. Eddie kissed your knuckles.

"I promise to kiss you...often and abundantly...until you can't bear to kiss me even once more."

Eddie grinned at your blush. 

"I can't build you castles, but I promise you a home. I promise you food to eat and sturdy walls to keep you warm. I promise you children to nurse and adore." 

Eddie paused, heart fluttering.

"And I promise you love. The same love for you that I've held long since before I even knew what I was feeling." 

His voice wavers. 

"I promise that at the end of our lives, I will still feel it." 

Eddie clasped your hand with his, "So, Princess. If you'll have me...then with this ring, I thee wed." 

You repeated his words, falling to your knees to embrace him. Eddie caught you in his arms as he stood, peppering kisses to your nose, then your cheeks, and finally, your lips. 

His thumb brushed your new ring, gently. "I can't tell you how it feels to see you wearing it." He gave a watery laugh. "It's been sitting on my nightstand for four years now." 

"I wish I could wear it always..." 

"Why can't you?" He pulled back to meet your eyes.

Your expression sunk, "I'm afraid I'm still scheduled to be wed tomorrow morning." 

"Oh, don't be ridiculous." He hummed. "You think I'd allow another man to marry my wife?"

"Eddie..." He scooped you up, laying you gently upon your mattress before sitting beside you. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid tomorrow." 

He chuckled as you combed through his curls with your fingers. "When have I ever been known to do stupid things?" 

"I mean it. You remember what happened the last time someone thought you were a threat to my innocence. It would kill me to see you hurt." Your fingertips grazed the scar on his temple, stiffening at the memory of his head hitting stone. 

There was a long silence as Eddie gazed at the ring. He kissed each of your fingertips slowly. "Do you trust me?" 

"More than anything." 

Eddie smiled at this, holding your hand to his heart, "Then don't worry." 

You gave a hesitant smile. Eddie cradled your body against his, gently combing through your hair. 

"We must leave tonight." He whispered. "Disappear into the woods. If we rode as far as we could on Sweetheart, it would be nearly impossible for them to find us by the time morning came. It would be difficult, but we'd be free." 

Immediately, you tensed. "Eddie, no. He could have you killed if they found us." 

"Then you'd better hold me awfully tight for as long as you can, my love." 

**********

You woke to the sound of water rushing beside you. You laid upon a bed of moss; a thick blanket tucked around you. You felt shade cover you as a figure knelt as your side. A hand on your head, pushing your bangs back lovingly. You stretched and groaned in response, not wishing to leave behind the warmth of your blanket, and kept your eyes closed.

"What a shame." Eddie cooed with a smirk, seeing right through your fib. "My little wife is simply too weak and exhausted to carry on. I suppose I must leave her behind..."

Your eyes flew open, taking his bait. "Leave her behind!?"

Eddie laughed brightly, pulling you into a smiley kiss. You were beginning to think nothing in the world felt better than kissing him.

Eddie's nose nudged against yours as he hummed passively. "Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

Your jaw dropped, "I do not, Eddie Munson."

He giggled, "You most certainly do, Mrs. Munson. We had a whole conversation whilst you slept."

"What about, pray tell?"

Eddie laid on his back beside her, letting her rest against his chest as he tucked his arms behind his head. "How handsome I am."

You smirked, rolling your eyes as you kissed him. The sun was warm and the cool earth beneath you felt like silk beneath your skin.

"I feel like I could do anything I wanted out here. No one could stop me."

"You could." Eddie smirked with another peck. "But I'm afraid we must keep traveling, my love. We still have a long way to go."

"How far are we going?

He tucked hair behind your ear, "So far they'll never find you. So far that it will be impossible for them to take you from me."

You nodded, curling in against him.

"And once we have finally traveled far enough..." Eddie grinned down at you. "I shall build you our cottage by the stream." 

***********

@ali-r3n

@stephanie-nicks76

@penandpage

@the-local-pendeja

@blindbisexualgoose

@eddiemunsonsgf2

@panickedpanko

[tarrynightss]

𝒜𝓋𝒶𝓉𝒶𝓇 𝓂𝑒𝓃 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝒸𝓀𝓈

Characters: Jake, Quaritch, Tonowari, Tsu’tey, Lyle, & Lopez (for @nin3kyuu hehhehe)

cw: Cursed stupid shit, gross things like farts or smelly feet, just memes

A/N: Im sorry but also I’m not sorry, my brain is fried so this is what you’re getting

𝒥𝒶𝓀𝑒

This man farts. I’m sorry, he toots. It wouldn’t be so bad if he had the sense to just do it around your home, but he got stuck in te marine humor from when he just turned 20. He still chuckles whenever he rips a fart, and often does it in public thinking nobody will notice. They do, you do, but no matter how many blank stares this man receives he just shrugs it off, uttering “you smelt it, you dealt it.”.

𝒬𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽

Doesn’t was his balls. Or ass. Miles is of the firm believe that the water running past it will do the trick. The type who’s boxers can be smelled from a 20 miles radius after he takes them off and this only got worse in his Recom body.

Gets offended when you give him body wash.

𝒯𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓌𝒶𝓇𝒾

He just has some stinky ass feet. Tonowari is constantly stomping around the sand with his wet feet and also just strolls over seaweed. They smell like the ocean in the worst way possible, reminding you of a beached fish that has died and rotted in the sun for 1,5 days. He’s just so used to the general smells of the ocean that he doesn’t even notice anymore.

𝒯𝓈𝓊’𝓉𝑒𝓎

You know exactly when he wants to kiss you, Tsu’tey the type to pull that typical guy face before leaning in. He’s usually so handsome so the cringy face he pulls with his lips puckered and eyes half lidded is a true shock to your system.

𝐿𝓎𝓁𝑒

Being bald.

𝐿𝑜𝓅𝑒𝓏

Dressing and talking like a little cholito, saying shit like “damn vato that hyna’s so fiiiiine 😩”. Absolutely not rocking the high socks in sandals combo and going on about the ‘oldies’ way too much.

[blackwidow-bby]

Side to Side -Alcina Dimitrescu x Reader

AN: Hi y’all! I interrupt my absence to bring you this! Thanks for the request @seasonofthebxtch ! I hope you enjoy! I know I did 😂 Sorry to everyone for not being able to put a “read more” break in it since I’m on mobile 😭😭

Warnings: 18+, teasing, dirty thoughts, fingering, strap use (r receiving), Alcina being cheeky and man-handling reader. She just likes to watch you work out maybe 😏

Thumpthump

Thumpthump

The little heartbeats Lady Dimitrescu was so used to tuning in to began growing in speed and intensity. During particularly stressful times, the soothing sounds of her partner’s calm heart rate would help to settle her own nerves. She could settle her own erratic beats.

The sudden change in tempo did begin to worry the Lady. It wasn’t very often her dear partner had such a spike in pulse unless she was scared or…

Hm…

Well, Alcina would hope that her lover would know the rules by now. As much as she enjoyed dishing out punishments, you had been rather good these passed few weeks, she would hate to see you break that good girl streak.

Maybe a little break from work to see what the matter was wouldn’t hurt. She sighed as she stood from her desk and rubbed at her temples. The work load she had taken up was beginning to wear down at her patience. Her feet subconsciously took her up to your shared room.

Thumpthump

Thumpthump

Your quick beat grew louder the closer she got to the room. It effectively enticed her more to know what the cause was. Her mouth was watering just imagining you sprawled out on her bed. Your nude body squirming in the pleasure of imagining your girlfriend over you, giving you the be-…

“Oh, huff, hey Alci.”

A blush crawled across her cheeks when she saw you in the middle of the room. Your body was indeed drenched in sweat. Your breathing was rough as you panted while you moved. Alcina couldn’t believe what she was seeing and how she hadn’t seen it before.

“Is there, huff, something wrong?”

Alcina’s mouth bobbed open and closed like a fish trying to breathe. She could feel her palms getting sweatier the longer she gawked. You had a whole home gym set up in the center of her bedroom. Currently, you were running on the treadmill, only clad in a sport bra and tight fitting gym shorts, hear pulled out of your face in a messy bun atop your head. Some of the hairs had fallen on either side of your face.

Alcina was mesmerized at the sight, completely unable to pull her eyes away from your chest, as it bounced with every step. She was happy you weren’t doing what she thought you were doing. In fact, it was so much better than what she thought.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Huff, I’m just, huff, working out.”

“When did this start?”

“Like a couple days ago, huff.”

“Well don’t let me stop you.”

Alcina moved across the room, going to her dresser to grab a spare change of more comfortable clothing. As she moved around, she constantly side eyed you. Even though you were probably smelly and sweaty, she couldn’t stop silently fawning after the sight. This whole situation unlocked something deep inside Alcina that she didn’t know about herself.

She loved seeing you disheveled like this.

“How much longer do you have left, dear?”

“Not sure, huff, maybe 15 minutes?”

Alcina growled under her breath. She didn’t want to wait that long.

“Is there any possibility that you could get done sooner?”

“Huff, I don’t know babe, huff. I really want to get the rest of this cardio in, huff, then I’m all yours, huff.”

Alcina let out a delightful moan, all hers? You certainly will be. She paced around before she settled in front of your station. Although she wasn’t looking directly at you, she still maintained your form in her peripherals. You couldn’t help but watch curiously at what she could possibly be doing. No doubt she was up to no good. Sure enough, you were right.

Slowly Alcina began to remove her signature cream dress from her curvy figure. Her fingers danced around buttons with practiced ease, curving around edges and removing her clothing. You’ve never known her to wear undergarments but today she just so happened to be sporting a lacy maroon set. Her demi-cup bra barely encasing her assets and high cut underwear accented her more voluptuous features. Your mouth began to water at the sight. She was a whole meal and then some.

Just as quickly as she revealed herself to you, she covered it all back up with a loose fitting crew neck shirt and baggy cotton pants. When had she removed her hat? You could care less about it now anyway. The thoughts of ravaging your partner sent a shooting sensation straight to your core. You turned the treadmill up higher in hopes it would ease that feeling and get you finished faster.

She sauntered over to the bed, still making sure she had your eyes on her, and plopped down on the bed. Her legs spread out, the position could be seen as salacious had she not been fully clothed. Your mind wandered to crawling up between those legs, placing kisses to every bit of skin she would reveal to you. Worshipping her throne settled between the silkiest porcelain walls. Your core throbbed in time with your racing heartbeat. No telling how much you’d be able to hold off.

Only 7 minutes left of this cardio, you swear it’s going to actually kill you. To show how restless she was, Alcina let out a string of light moans and suggestive groans of impatience. Mostly to try to get you to finish early, but also cause she was just as pent up seeing you work out, as you were seeing her…well…exist. Alcina let her hands wander down her body in boredom. She would drag them up and down her torso causing her shirt to ride up a little. Occasionally she’d stop to grasp at her breasts before moving down, dipping below the waistband of her pants then moving up again. More and more her torso became exposed to you until it rode just below her chest.

You released a low grow. Fuck this cardio. Alcina heard a low beep before she felt you suddenly grab her wrist and force it between your own legs. Her eyes widened at the abrasive gesture.

“Look what you’ve done. Ruined my good running shorts.”

You spoke lowly, a hint of lust lacing your words. Her own heart raced as her fingers toyed with the wet spot between your legs. She did ruin your shorts and now she was going to ruin you. Before you could blink, you were thrown face down onto the mattress. Alcina’s primal growl vibrated by your ear sending an intense shiver down your spine.

“You looked absolutely delicious sweating like that. I’m going to see if I can make you sweat more, draga mea.”

She scented you right behind your ear as her hands roamed down your slick torso before grabbing both cheeks with her large hands. She felt up and down your body, kissing down your neck to your shoulder and shoulder blades. Her nose lightly rubbed at the nape of your neck. Each little movement made you whimper with need. She had always been such a tease, knowing exactly how to make you want more of her. Her right hand slid away from your ass to palm your clothed center. Middle and ring fingers rubbing up and down to soak in how wet she had made you. Pride coursed through her body.

Just as fast as she slammed you down, she pulled away your shorts, fully exposing your rear to her. She kissed down your spine before she began to kiss both of your cheeks. Your arousal was so powerful, she didn’t even need to dip lower to smell you. The heady scent overtook her senses to the point she felt surrounded by only you. Even though it was you that was physically surrounded by her. When her hand came up to finger at your folds, a full forced moan slipped passed your lips. The movement mixed with your slick core played sinful sounds. You arched your hips up toward her to coax her closer. You wanted her inside, wanted her to ease the pain she caused.

As if she was a mind reader, her two middle fingers sunk inside you with little resistance. Your pussy gripped her fingers in a vice at their prodding. Oh, she felt great. The pain and tension ebbing away gently at every slow thrust inside of you. Her left hand moved under your body to hold your stomach up enough that she could fuck you comfortably. Her moans mixed with yours each time she felt your warm and wet walls pulse around her digits. Even though the pain of being pent up left, a new pain of craving more hit you with a new intensity.

You arched your back more, effectively bringing your ass higher for her to hit new spots. Your moans and whines grew needier. Alcina bit at your shoulder blade before pressing deeper.

“Alcina!”

“Shhh, my little dove, I know.”

Her thumb moved down to languidly toy at your clit as her fingers pressed down to her knuckle with each entry but it still wasn’t enough for you.

“More, please. I need more.”

“My dear, you’re already swallowing my fingers whole, how much more do you need?”

“Th-the strap, pleaaasseee.”

Your whining pleased Alcina, she left from the bed, removing her fingers and quickly made her way to the drawer where the toy was kept. Her clothes were feeling a little too confining. She removed all of them from her heated body before she situated the harness around her hips. At this point you were on your knees with your chest flat on the bed, inviting and tempting your love. With a strength all too familiar to you, she flipped you on your back and forced your knees by your head. Thank goodness your prior workout included stretching. She bent you with ease, rutting the toy against your entrance to collect some of your wetness before she slipped in slowly. The stretch felt more amazing than her fingers did. The two of you moaned in unison as she watched the toy disappear inside your wanting core.

“You look delicious, my dear. By the gods, I could eat you right here and now, but I’ll settle for destroying you instead.”

Once she reached the base of the strap, she pulled out slow before thrusting back in quick. The head of the toy hitting that spot deep within. Your screams rang out around the room, waking up the animal in Alcina. A deep grumble vibrated at the base of her chest, her hands grabbing behind your knees tighter. She slammed into you over and over with a growing intensity. The pleasure took over your body. Her eyes stared down at your face as it twisted in euphoria. Your jaw was slack but the sounds didn’t cease. A snarky smirk made its way across Alcina’s lips at the first bead of sweat forming by your hairline.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you? This is what you wanted isn’t it, little toy?”

“O-oh y-es.”

Your breathing grew erratic trying to catch up. Not a single thought in your mind other than how she was making you feel at this moment. Utterly blissed and fucked out of your mind. Her hips picked up their pace as she slammed again and again. The sound of skin slapping skin and your wanton moans was bringing Alcina closer to the edge herself. She was enjoying this too much. Watching your chest bounce in its confines, utterly at her mercy, begging for more and more even though she was giving you her all just shy of hurting you. She loved this. A much better work out than the one you participated in prior.

“Oh my little toy, I’m so close.”

“A-alciiiii. Cum with me.”

She could feel how close you were with how the strap was met with resistance on every down stroke. She was soaring with energy, her hips pressed more, jolting you with each thrust as she chased that sweet high only you brought her to. One of her hands slid away from its position behind your knee and with razor sharp claws, sliced away the sports bra effectively releasing your breasts to her. The freed hand reached for your pert nipple and pinched the bud, another wave of pleasure shooting to your core.

“Yes, yes, right there! I’m-“

Your orgasm crashed like a tidal wave, hitting you hard. Your screaming and panting caused Alcina to finally reach her own, her hips stuttering to a final thrust as her own high washed over her body. The two of you laid there trying to catch breaths. Her hand still help up one leg while the other rested by your head. Alcina couldn’t focus for a minute, her lids stuttered while you laid under her a drenched mess. You finally were able to pry your eyes open and stare up at her. Her hair was mussed, strands sticking to her forehead. Your hand came up to caress her damp cheek, to bring her sight on you. The hand that was holding your leg finally released it to settle on the other side of your head. After looking into each others eyes for a long while, you were hit with a fit of giggles. Alcina was confused until she too was hit with the contagious fit, the two of you laughing together.

“Maybe you should watch me workout more often. That was way better than my normal routine.”

“Mmm, stick to your normal thing love, I’ll just have to reward all of your hard work with more earth shattering orgasms.”

“Oh, I could get used to that.”

The hand that was on her cheek pulled Alcina down so you could kiss her softly. Her lips were that perfect soft plushness that you missed. You deepened the kiss by sliding your hand to the back of her head to grip the base of her hairline. Alcina moaned into your mouth, tongue sliding in tune with your own. Another quick flip and she rolled over on her back, toy still nestled inside you. Your eyes grew wide but Alcina just looked at you with a teasing gaze.

“Let’s see how well you’ve been working your core, draga.”

[draw-ren-draw]

Avantris Fan comic Scripts #1

Often when I get ideas for comics, I break my panels into scripts first. For one reason or another, some of these projects never get finished. These scripts are less prose-y than fics but still contain dialogue and basic interactions.

Seeing as I've been under the weather, I thought you might like to see some in this stage anyway. I hope they inspire or entertain! Enjoy~

The Reason Why [My indulgent thoughts over why Kremy continues to remain distant from Torbek (aside from comedy and the Warlock's genuine fear over the other's Witchlight abilities) flavored with a smattering of Coalecroux.] * * * *

Establishing shot- Carnival Lecroux are walking through a forest clearing. The crew has had a long day of traveling and are eager to set up camp. It seems as though their latest victory is due to Torbek. Frost and Gricko are congratulating the bugbear for a job well done. He looks at each in turn, in surprise. Gricko: "Good job Torbek! You really nailed it today!" Frost: "Yes, with this, we might finally get to the next town ahead of schedule. You really gave it your all." Sensing the Alligator Warlock coming up behind him, Torbek whips around, unable to help but anticipate more praise. Kremy doesn't even look at him. Kremy: "Good night Torbek." The lizardfolk wanders off, leaving Torbek to sag with disappointment and a sad groan. Gideon enters the frame, looking inquisitive. He follows to where Kremy went and finds the other already sitting by a campfire, on a log, fishing out something to smoke. The warlock doesn't bat an eye when Gideon strides up to join him, both comfortably doing as they have done for years now; an expected and normal routine. As the genasi settles next to him, he turns to Kremy, curiosity more than judgement furrowing his brow. Gideon: "Hey, how come you're so hard on Torbek?" Kremy continues to look ahead, puffing a smoke "I don't know whatcha mean, Gid. I've treated him like I always treat him." Gideon: "Yeah, exactly, even after all we been through?" He can't help but crack a small laugh at that. Gideon: "I mean, yeah, he's Torbek. But ain't telling people what they like to hear something yer good at? That's kinda your thing!" He pulls out his own cigar to take a puff, still jovial and relaxed. Gideon: "You know even one nice thing would have him ready to die for ya! It's like you can't even look at em!" Kremy breaks, finally looking at Gideon, flustered by the subject (and possibly how handsome Gideon looks in the previous panel) Kremy: "That's precisely why I can't, Gid!! Do you know what I see every time I do? Do you know what I SAW when I looked him over? Every time he gives me that big stupid hopeful smile?!.. My mistakes."

"…" Gideon pauses. Who is this and what have they done with Kremy? He breaks the tension with another laugh. Gideon: "What are you talking about, man? I thought we all agreed, we were only like, a little at fault and he's already forgave us for that!" Kremy, turning serious: "I ain't talking about just the witchlight."

Gid goes quiet.

Kremy: "Do you ever stop to think about why Torbek was picked? Out of everyone in the whole carnival?" Gideon: "Well yeah, we all said, the thing with the herris whee--" Kremy: "It's because they thought nobody would miss him. No one would notice if they took him away." A look of disgust fills Kremy's face. Kremy: "He was poor, he was stupid--" Gideon: "--Smelly?" Kremy: "Smelly. He was living in a dumpster!" The Warlock angrily tosses his cigarette, we follow the action as it hits the ground and bounces at the bottom of the panel. Kremy: "Cause I wasn't payin him! He was my employee Gid, and if he was just a little more put together, maybe so much might not have happened to him! How am I supposed to look him in the eye after that?!"

We hold on Kremy for a beat. Gideon offers his cigar from out of frame and Kremy takes a drag hesitantly.

Kremy: "Thing is--" He puffs out the smoke "I keep thinking about how much time gets thrown around here. And I ask myself… if I went back to those times, if I'd still keep his checks and end up handing him over all over again. And I think I would. I'm at war with myself for that." Gideon stares at Kremy, expression carefully guarded but concerned. For a bit of meta humor we hear the DM represented as a text box above him. Nikki: "Gideon not being good at words but knowing Kremy enough to understand his conflict and that it takes a lot of guts to admit that to yourself and know yourself that well puts his arm around the alligator." Gideon: "Well. That's a lot of maybes for ya Kremy. I didn't think you even thought about those. But you can start by making it up to him now. Then, maybe one day? Those maybes might be different."

We view the pair from the back now. With the genasi's arm slung around alligator's shoulder we finally see a flash of a smile from the other con artist.

Kremy: "Reckon you may be right gid. Reckon you may be right." (But he still isn't paying him any time soon)

[akwolfgrl]

Promise day 4

Zoro watched as they drew near to the Braite, the moon dipping below the horizon; the sun just started to peek out. He hadn't seen Sanji in a few months. He was busy trying to save enough money to buy new earrings. They were gold and dangle like his own, but they had a heart made from a blue gem. They caught the light just right and sparkled in a way that reminded Zoro of the shining across the sea. When he first saw them, he had to have them. They looked just like his mate's eyes. 

Johnny came to sit beside him yawning, it was still early. They sailed through the night. The Baratie would be getting ready for the day soon, Zoro was going to find Zeff and ask for Sanji's hand in marriage, he thought it was old fashioned but Curly loved romantic shit. Besides, the old geezer would kill him if he didn't. 

“Wow, is that what I think it is?” Johnny asked him, pointing at the weird fish shaped restaurant, and Sanji had told him about Zeffs chicken figurehead from back when he was a pirate. The old geezer had questionable taste when it came to the shapes of boats. “Man, I've heard of this place! The food is supposed to be to die for! There's always a good fight to see, and rumor has it there is a pretty blond omega who works there,” He felt Yosaku join them. “People saw he looks like an angel,”

“All ture, the pretty blonde's my mate,” Zoro proudly bragged. He wasn't jealous of other men looking. They had no chance. Women on the hand were a different story. 

“Wait, you have a mate?” Yosaku asked, shocked for some reason. 

“No fucking duh, the marks right thire,” Zoro pointed to the back of his neck, right where Sanji could always protect him. 

“Wow would ya look at that!”

“Way to go bro!”

Zoro spotted a blonde head out on the deck, most likely smoking a cigarette and having black tea watching the sun rise. Zoro couldn't wait anymore. He patted his haramaki, making sure the jewelry box was tucked away safely. Zoro stood up and jumped out of their small boat.

“Zoro!” 

“What are you doing?”

“I'm swimming to Sanji!” Their boat was going too slow, and he couldn't wait any longer, Zoro swam towards his omega, his Sanji. His heart was pounding in his chest at the thought of holding the blond in his arms once again. 

When he got to the deck, Sanji was waiting for him, his hair aglow in the early morning light. Zoro understood why people would compare Sanji to an angel…if they never met him. 

“Marmio? It's about damn time you made your way back here,” Sanji smirked. “Maybe you should stay in the water a little longer, I'll bring you some soap, and you can wash your smelly ass,” Sanji's smoke hearts betrayed how happy he was to see him. 

“See if I ever come for a visit again if you're gonna be like that,” Zoro huffed before climbing out of the water. 

“The old geezer would be happy,” 

“Well that's too damn bad for him,” Zoro grinned and scooped Sanji into his arms and spun him around. 

The blonde laughed and took his face in between his hands, his long fingers caressing his cheeks before their lips met. Zoro could taste the omegas tea and cigarettes. Something that shouldn't be so addictive but yet it was. When they finally came up for air, Zoro put Sanji back down 

"Marry me." The words tumbled out of his mouth as he returned Sanji to the floor.

The omega looked at him with amusement in his blue eyes, "Aren't you forgetting something,”

"What? Oh." Zoro dropped to one knee and took out the jewelry box. The earrings glittered in the sunlight. "Marry me, I don't wish to be apart from you for a second longer,”

“Yes!” Sanji launched himself at Zoro, knocking them both to the deck, kissing the life out of him. 

“Hey! You two no fucking on the deck!” Patty yelled at them. 

Zoro didn't need to look to know that Sanji was flipping the other alpha off.

[skyward-floored]

imagining Wind and Four seeing Legend getting shocked now..... (Downfall IAU)

- hero-of-the-wolf

yeahhhh I couldn't resist a fic for this one. (electrocution/shock warning)

...

Wind didn’t want to walk through the streets around here more than he had to, but he and Four needed to figure out where the rest of their family was, and that required not hiding all day. Even if Malon had made them both promise to come back at the slightest hint of trouble, and be as careful as they could be.

...it made Wind miss their version of her.

“Hey, look it’s Legend,” Four said, tugging on Wind’s sleeve and breaking him from his thoughts.

Wind looked at where he was pointing, and sure enough, Legend was walking into an alleyway, fully suited-up, with a man in a dark suit following him. The other people on the street acted like the two didn’t exist, almost pointedly looking away as they disappeared into the alley, and Wind frowned.

“Who’s that other guy?” Four asked, and Wind shrugged.

“His agent I think? He mentioned him that one time. And... he told us not to approach him when he was on patrol, remember?” Wind reminded quietly. “He said it was almost really bad last time, I don’t want him to get into trouble because of us.”

“I know, I don’t either, but... I also want to see more of what’s going on,” Four said firmly. “The only way we’re going to learn more and find Hyrule and Wild and everyone is listening to things and finding stuff out. That means taking risks, even if Legend told us not to.”

“Never thought you’d be the rebellious one, Four,” Wind teased, and Four shot him a small smile before they both slipped behind a dumpster right in the entrance of the alley.

The two of them crept further along, scooting along behind a different, smelly dumpster, and Wind motioned for Four to stop when he heard a voice coming from the very end of the alleyway. He peeked out, and saw the guy in the suit glaring at Legend.

“...seem to run into him quite often, surely you know something,” he said in a slimy kind of voice, looming over Legend.

Legend shrugged, not looking the least bit intimidated. “Can’t say that I do. What was his name again?”

The man in the suit glared. “Sahasrahla.”

Four and Wind exchanged confused looks. In their world, Sahasrahla was just one of Legend’s teachers.

Legend seemed unmoved at the name though. “What, that old guy who works at the cafeteria? Because good, his fish sticks are a crime.”

“No, the one who was supposed to be brought in yesterday,” the suited man hissed. “He’s been put on our wanted list due to suspected treasonous activity, and you’ve been seen multiple times in contact with him.”

“Ohh that guy. He occasionally had good information, that was all. Not traitor material in my opinion,” Legend shrugged, still looking completely at ease. “And besides, I had patrol yesterday when you said you went after him.”

“Yet the team we sent to arrest the old man reported that they had him cornered, and somehow he seemed to disappear from their view,” the suited man said darkly.

Legend raised an eyebrow.

“If you’re insinuating I helped him, I’m afraid that’s impossible. My powers only work on me. And you know that, Arrgus.”

“That's Agent to you, and I know that you helped him!” Arrgus snapped, and though Legend stiffened ever so slightly, he remained unmoved. “I don’t care that you were on patrol! This has your handiwork written all over it!”

“I think you just want to do something that’ll get you back up to your old job, actually,” Legend said, looking up at Arrgus. Wind saw something dangerous in his eyes, and Four tightened his grip on Wind’s arm. “And it’s no secret you hate me. Pinning something like this on me would get me in trouble and get you your job back all in one fell swoop.”

Arrgus’s face twisted up in a furious expression, and he pressed something at his wrist that Wind couldn’t see.

The band on Legend’s wrist lit up, and the cool look on his face turned to one of resignation.

Electricity shot up Legend’s arm and spread to the rest of him, pulling a bitten-back cry from his lips. He shook in place for what couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but it felt like ages to Wind, nausea bubbling in his throat as he watched Legend’s back arch.

Arrgus finally lifted his finger though, and Legend slumped back against the wall, breathing heavily.

“Are you going to talk now?” Arrgus said, and Legend glared at him, still defiant as ever.

“There’s nothing to say.”

More electricity.

This time Legend flickered in and out of view as he was shocked, and he couldn’t stop the cry this time. Four moved to leap out from behind the dumpster, but Wind stopped him, shaking his head.

“Legend wouldn’t want us to be hurt because of him,” he whispered, and Four glared at him with tears in his eyes.

He didn’t resist further though, and Wind tugged him closer as the electricity finally stopped, Legend unable to stay standing this time. Arrgus stood over him as he collapsed, watching with steel in his gaze as Legend caught his breath, still trembling from the shock.

“I may not have proof now, but someday I will,” Arrgus hissed. “And then you will be begging for mercy.”

“Doubt it,” Legend whispered.

Arrgus‘s nostrils flared, but he strode away, pausing in front of the dumpster where Wind and Four were still hidden.

“You’re due back at headquarters in fifteen minutes. Don’t be late.”

Then he was gone.

Wind and Four only waited mere seconds to be sure he was truly gone before scrambling out of their hiding place and over to Legend. He was still catching his breath, and his expression morphed to one of equal disbelief and annoyance when he saw Wind and Four.

“Told you guys not to hang around me,” Legend grunted, shakily sitting up. Wind helped him, and Legend glared at him. “Would’ve b-been a disaster if he’d caught you.”

“Well he didn’t,” Wind said plainly, trying not to shake himself as he took Legend’s hand. “Are you okay? How can we help?”

“Just... g-gimme a sec.”

Legend closed his eyes and breathed out, not speaking further for several long moments.

“Get me up,” he finally said, his voice sounding a little stronger. “I’ll be fine in a second. I’m used to these.”

“Used to these?!” Four gaped, and Legend grunted as Wind helped him stand, his legs still shaky.

“Yeah. Get shocked pretty often. Just not usually twice in a row like that,” Legend muttered, slowly rolling his shoulders. “He’s pretty mad. Old Sahasrahla must’ve known more than I thought.”

“So you did help him escape?” Wind asked, watching Legend worriedly. His brother’s breath had mostly evened out, but his legs were still shaking, and he was putting a lot of weight on Wind.

“No, I wasn’t lying, it wasn’t me. I just tipped the right people off, and they handled things.”

“Legend, should we take you home?” Four asked, hovering at his side.

Legend gave him a look. “Don’t call me that out here. And you can’t. Have to report back to good ol’ HQ,” Legend sighed, and lifted his arm off of Wind, swaying for a second, but remaining steady. “Tomorrow’s my break day. I’ll come home after I finish up there. Won’t be more than a few hours.”

“Can you handle that though?” Wind asked quietly. Legend may have been standing, but he was rather pale, and still a little flickery.

Legend gave him a grim smile. “I have to. And I’ve walked off worse. Relax, lobster.”

Wind huffed at him. “I’m not even wearing that shirt.”

“Yeah, but you were when we met, so you’re stuck with it.”

Legend took a slow step forward, and when he didn’t topple, took a few more down the length of the alley, letting out a sigh as he looked back at Wind and Four.

“You two should go back, you’ve been out too long.”

“Maybe so, but you’re still shaking, don’t try to deny it,” Wind said pointedly. “Can we help you back to headquarters at least?”

“No, can’t risk you being seen with me,” Legend murmured. “Too conspicuous. I’ll make it. You two go home. And...”

He hesitated, and met their eyes.

“...don’t tell my Mom about this. She worries enough about me.”

“Only if you promise to take it easy as soon as you can,” Four said quietly. “You were electrocuted, Legend. You can’t just walk that off like that.”

“I told you I’m used to it,” Legend muttered, but when Four kept looking at him, he sighed and nodded. “Alright. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

Legend nodded, then glanced at the band on his wrist, wincing. “I seriously have to go now, I'll be cutting it close. And don’t follow me right away when I leave, I don’t want anyone connecting you with me. I'll see you later."

Wind and Four agreed with small nods, and Legend sighed again, then left without another word.

Wind looked over at Four, his little brother looking down at his feet, and gave him a gentle nudge.

“I know,” he said softly, and Four swallowed, his hand curling into a fist.

"Let's just go," he whispered, and Wind took his hand as they left.

[writeforfandoms]

congrats on the new follower milestone!! could i request alittle bit of some very indulgent hurt/comfort 👉👈 like the fic 'anxiety' you wrote(loved that, it's one of my favourite things to date). set in the shifter au, sometimes i just want to read something incredibly horrible happening and someone making it better and being scooped up into a big protective hug yknow? can be 141 centric, or maybe konig and horangi i really dont mind anything, thank you so much!

Hi friend! Okay, I did my best with this. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: hurt/comfort, brief assault, protective boys, shifter dynamics

--

You hummed quietly as you stepped outside. The boys had convinced you to go out drinking (they drank much more than you did), and you were having fun, but the bar they'd chosen was also loud.

You just needed a few moments outside, just a little bit of quiet before you went back in.

Honestly, you had no idea how the pack wasn't going nuts.

You breathed in deep, the cooler air a welcome change.

"'Scuse me, luv."

You jolted a little and stepped aside automatically as someone stopped next to you. He looked down at you, lips curling in amusement.

"Here with friends?" He asked, fishing around in his pocket to pull out cigarettes.

"Yeah." Your smile was small and tight. You didn't really want to chat. You edged a little further away from him.

"Smoke?" He held out the pack to you.

"No, I'm good." You shifted your weight to your far leg, shoulders hunching a little.

He didn't take the hint. He lit his cigarette and stepped in closer to you, blowing the smoke away from you. "Think your friends will mind if I keep you from them a little longer?" His eyes were cold when you met his gaze.

"Yes, they will." You stepped away from him, determined to get back inside.

Except his hand snapped out, wrapping around your wrist to hold you there. "Shame," he sneered. "'Cause I'd sure love to spend more time with such a pretty thing."

"Let go." You tugged your arm, setting your feet. But he didn't let go, his grip tightening until you gasped.

"Come on, sweetheart," he cooed mockingly. "We can have some fun, they'll never notice."

"Let go!" You yanked again, free hand balling into a fist as you twisted to get in a better spot. Last warning. Then you'd punch him.

You didn't have a chance. The door opened back behind you (when had you gotten so far from the entrance?).

You didn't even see what happened. But you heard the low, rumbling growl before someone was between you and the man.

"Problem here?" Gaz asked, faux-pleasant, his hand tight on the stranger's wrist. He released you with a low hiss.

"Nah, just chatting." The stranger didn't seem very scared, but you weren't sure he knew what he was facing.

"Right." Gaz sounded disbelieving, but at least he wasn't growling. He did slowly herd you back, away from the man towards the door, keeping himself in front of you.

"Sure you don't wanna ditch the mutt?" The stranger called to you.

You didn't even try to stop Gaz. To your surprise, though, Gaz merely growled a little.

"Better than some smelly arsewipe." Gaz turned finally and draped his arm over your shoulders, keeping you close as he escorted you back inside. "You alright?"

"Yeah," you assured him, a little surprised to find your hands trembling. "Just a little shaken."

Gaz huffed and crowded closer to you, keeping his arm around you. When you two got back to the table, he didn't release you, just trapped you between himself and Soap.

Soap, of course, saw the cuddling and immediately got on board, squishing himself into your free side and rubbing his cheek against your shoulder. "Alright, hen?"

"I'm fine," you said, more amused than anything, though you knew you still smelled of distress. The encounter was still a little too fresh on your mind, your wrist still store from the man's grip.

John met your gaze across the table, eyes stormy. But he didn't move, keeping his gaze on you.

You swallowed but nodded, just a little. Yeah, you were shaken. You certainly didn't want to go back out alone, not right then. But you were safe with your pack. All would be well.

His shoulders relaxed a little, a tiny smile gracing his lips. And he sat back again, just watching as Soap and Gaz kept you firmly between the two of them, both chattering and interrupting each other.

You breathed out slowly and leaned into Gaz, curling your fingers into Soap's shirt so he wouldn't feel left out. This was better. This you could do.

The rest of the night, you stayed close to one of them at all times. It made you feel better. And the boys certainly didn't mind.

(Although you did laugh when John finally got sick of watching Gaz and Soap bicker and pulled you onto his lap instead.)

[bornspellcaster]

Little Firefly - 1

(When the time pool closes before she reaches it and Luz finds herself hopelessly stuck in ancient times, an incident forces her to work together with her enemy to ensure their survival. In the midst of it, Luz learns there may be more than meets the eye to the frigid Puritan, and discovers the real secret to saving The Boiling Isles may just lie in reuniting an estranged family…)

Next

--

She didn’t think she had to look behind her. The Boiling Isles should have honed her instincts better. She should have known! Perhaps she’d gotten too cocky, too confident, too assured that she would find her way back home without a problem. Surely she couldn’t get stuck away from home, away from home!

She’d just been about to leap into the rippling, and closing pool when her arm was harshly seized. “Hey!”

“Luz!” Lilith cried, her heterochromatic eyes widening with horror right as the ripples in the sand stilled.

“I followed you, you know,” Philip began casually as he yanked the child away. “And it didn’t occur to me to ask you—mostly because I was too busy nursing my broken FACE—but I have a series of questions for you, little wench. What has your kind been doing infiltrating the human world in the first place?”

“I-“ Luz struggled as she reached out towards the sand. “Let go of me!” 

“And I heard you talking with your aunt, you’re trying to make a door. Do you have some ingredients needed already? What are they and where are they?!” he growled. “And where does that pool even lead?”

“I don’t have any! The only portal I made collapsed in on itself!” Luz ripped herself out of his grip, her hands desperately scrambling through the sand, and shoveling up grains with her hands. She felt her anxiety climb with every inch deeper she dug, no pool in sight.

He scoffed as he straightened himself and got up, clearly paying no mind to the teen increasingly on the edge of a mental break down as she kicked and dug sand like a dog, all but shoving her face into the dirt.

“Clearly I have no use left for you then,” Philip said coldly as he left the teen to her own devices. She didn’t even hear him leave, too busy shoving her face in different parts of the beach, in a vain attempt to find another pool to take her home..

It hadn’t taken long to find him after that, his boot prints leaving their tracks along the sand and up a path leading to a cave. Luz was sure her own shoe prints were sizzling into the earth. The boiling anger seething within her rivaled the temperature of the seas.

So this is where he lived, huh? Fitting. Smelly. Old looking and alone. Cold. …Empty. She’d seen prison cells that had more furnishing.  It looked like his bed was a stone slab. There was a worn old table that he’d probably stolen from someone, and on it, a simple fishing rod and what looked like a badly whittled spear.

And there he was with his back turned.

“YOU!” Luz roared.

Philip barely had time to register the events, of vitriol spat curses in a tongue he hadn’t heard in quite some time, the man looking over in time to see a blur of colors, and being sent crashing hard to the ground.

Luz pettily clung to the back of his jacket, her hands ripping fistfuls of his beard, electing enraged shrieks of pain as the scraggly man grappled with the girl, until he’d finally ripped the brat off of him by the scruff of her collar.

“You detestable little wench!” the man seethed through tightly clenched teeth. He hurled her to the ground. “How DARE you lay a hand on me, you beastly little creature!”

Luz sneered through emotionally and physically pained tears. “Ohoho I’ll show you beastly, you smelly old dirt bag!” She reached into her satchel and pulled out a crumpled parchment, and Philip’s eyes widened as he barely had a chance to barrel roll out of the way of a crackling fireball.

“You wish to throw fire, do you?” Philip reached into his pocket and pulled out his own set of parchments, malice crackling as brightly as the flames as he clapped together two different glyphs, and Luz quickly deflected the hot bolt of electricity with a wall of vines.

“Thanks to you I’m STUCK HERE!” Luz roared, trying to lunge at his ankles with a string of tightly constricting vines. “You kept me back, away from my aunt and the time pool closed before I went through!” she shouted.

“Well perhaps you should have just stayed in your own time then.” Ducking away from needle sharp shards of ice, he bared his teeth. “Oh I’ve had just about enough of you, you little barbarian!”

“Yeah?? How about you come back to the beach with me? I’ve dug a few holes, one big enough to be YOUR GRAVE!” She tried to hurtle a ball of fire at the man, but his vines whipped out like a scourge.

Luz yelped loudly in pain as the spiked vines seized her around the waist, and hurled her against the rock side of the cave. Finally unable to withstand anymore abuse today, her helmet, dented from the battle, could no longer even grip onto her head.

Philip watched the gladiator helmet fall to the ground, and his shoulders fell slack in shock. “…You’re a human?”

Before Luz could respond, the cave….began to rumble.  Both gasped in horror as it began to collapse in on itself. Boulders crashed to the ground, sending shards of gravel and clouds of dust billowing into the air. It was hard to see. It was hard to hear over the roaring.

“Damnit, look what you’ve done!” Philip shouted at the child. She didn’t have time to snip back at him, as just then, another several rocks fell in front of the entrance, plunging them into deeper darkness. There was barely a sliver of light remaining.

Philip looked frantically back at the entrance he knew they couldn’t risk using as an exit. There were too many rocks falling. One by one, falling like a child’s wooden blocks, and soon they would reach them.

“This way!” Philip growled as he started to run further into his cave. “Well? If you don’t want to become a flapjack then come on! Makes no difference to me!”

Luz didn’t hesitate a moment longer before quickly following Philip. “It’s a dead end!”

“No. It only seems like it is!” He shoved the girl aside as he reached a strange part of the wall. Clapping a glyph combination onto the rocks, Luz was nearly blown back by the force of the sudden blast. The stack of rocks tumbled downward to reveal another passage that twisted further into the ever darkening cave.

“Ahhhhh!” An ear piercing shriek that came from the man made Luz spin around in shock. She gasped when she saw Philip, pinned to the ground by the leg by a bowling ball sized rock. Ichor spilled and stained the cave floor and Luz could already see a sizeable gash from here. 

For one mean moment, she considered turning back around…but that moment didn’t last. Gritting her teeth with a groan, Luz rushed back quickly to Philip. The man’s cerulean eyes followed her in confusion as she whipped out her vines and looped one end around the boulder, and the other part of the vine she reeled around both of her wrists.

“What are you-“

“Just help me!” Luz snarled, as Philip began pushing at the boulder as well. Once free, Luz looped the vines around his midsection and her arms under his, dragging his limp leg through the passageway, and leaving a long dark trail of blood as she did.

Philip tried to tuck them into the crevice as much as he could, and he winced with the child as the roaring got louder. Luz squeezed up close to him and shut her eyes.

They were plunged into total darkness. ….The roaring stopped and the only sounds that could be heard were the remaining small pebbles tumbling down the decrepit walls. The cloud of dust still had a chokehold around their throats, forcing them to cough into the fabric of their clothes.

Both panted in terror and Luz looked around her. The cave was so black she couldn’t even see her own hand now. The chaos having settled for a moment, she was aware of a nauseating stickiness covering her hands that stunk of copper. She knew what it was, and she didn’t know if it was from her or him.

“Ugh….” Him, definitely him.

Luz reached into her pockets with slippery hands and pulled out one of her glyphs. Activating it, an orb of light illuminated their surroundings, and the blood coating her fingers. …And Philip. Luz’s stomach sunk. He was getting pale.

“We’ve gotta stop the bleeding.” She glared at him and pulled the bandage he’d been nursing his fake injury with earlier, none too gently. “Look at that, pretend to be hurt and then you actually get hurt. Karma is a B, huh? At least you have use for this bandage now!”

Philip glowered at her through half lidded eyes, but even in the limited light Luz saw something that she hadn’t seen from the scruffy old scholar since meeting him. Genuine confusion…and almost bewilderment. Like someone had never shown him genuine kindness before…despite how she had willingly done so when they met and that’s how this mess began.

“Why did you save me?”

Luz sighed as she grimaced trying to stretch in the little, cramped space they had. “Because I’m not like you. I don’t just let other people die, even if I don’t like them.” She tilted her head wryly. “And you’re the only one that knows the way out of this cave. Now come on, lean on me,” she sighed.

He looked uncertainly at her hand that she offered out, and scowling, he grimaced and groaned as he stumbled into a limp, pointedly refusing her hand.

Luz scoffed and started walking through the small passage. “Whatever.” She instead looked around her, trying to assess the passage and just how long it might be. It twisted and turned into different stretches going down, seeming to be surprisingly deep. “It’s a labyrinth . Geez, it looked shallow until I actually got a deeper look!”

“It’s always been fairly deep,” Philip agreed, wincing as he used his splint/shovel from earlier as a cane, and stumbling his way down the dark path. “I got an infestation of those blasted spider bats and sealed off most of the other paths. I made it one tiny room, but with enough chipping away, we’ll be able to safely destroy the rocks blocking the openings.”

Luz nodded hopefully and brought to life another bright beaming glyph, shining like a small beacon to illuminate the path that lay beyond.

“Why didn’t you…tell me you were human?” Philip asked conversationally as they walked. He tried to sound as casual as he could, but inside he was reeling. Another human, here? A human CHILD, no less? By the titan, the little girl looked nearly the same age he was when he came here.

He felt for her, despite everything. He couldn’t imagine how terrifying this wretched place was for someone her age.

Luz scoffed. “Well initially it’s because me being human has led to more people than not trying to kill me at first meeting, but it seems if you get a jerk big enough like you that doesn’t matter.”

“I wouldn’t have used you as a sacrifice if I knew you were a human child!” he exclaimed angrily.

“And that makes it better? You would still kill my aunt.”

He made a face of derision. “ If you’re a human child, you don’t have a witch aunt. What are you doing fraternizing with these savages anyway?”

Luz whirled right around, and the light glowed about as hot as the rage in her almond shaped eyes. “Say that again and I’ll give you a punch in the jaw to match your broken nose.” She wasn’t sure if she could though, purely because of the injury he was currently nursing. It felt a bit like overkill and was probably making him suffer enough.

Speaking of… She glanced down at his leg and her eyebrows shot up in concern. Already a dark stain of red was soaking through the linen and starting to trickle down his leg. Judging by the way he was beginning to sway, blood loss was beginning to affect him.

“Save your bigotry for when you have more strength, how about?” Luz said dryly. “We’ve got to figure out how to stop the bleeding because this bandage isn’t working. I need to get a better look into this wound.”

“And I’m supposed to trust your expertise on medical knowledge?” Philip snipped, and Luz nearly shoved him to the ground.

“You will if you want to live, my dude! Your choice! Besides, my Mom is a vet, and she’s taught me a few things.”

Luz sighed as she looked at the glowing orb still hovering in her palm. It was barely enough to let her see his leering blue eyes, let alone the full extent of a potentially severe wound. 

“I need more light.” She grappled around in the near darkness until she found a shard of rock, one she could possibly use to scratch engravings onto the ground. “Just hold on tight, alright?” 

It was difficult in such a cramped space, but Luz managed to slowly turn a circle, the shard of rock dragging across the ground with hideous scraping sounds, drawing a much larger light glyph. She slapped her foot down and Philip winced at the blinding flash, opening one eye and staring at a much brighter ball of light that bounced its glowing rays down the tunnels.

“Alright, let’s see what we’re working with. Oh yikes, you’ve lost a shade of your complexion in the past five minutes.” Luz winced as she looked at the woozy man. 

Cautiously Luz unwrapped the wound, and she inhaled sharply. It was worse than she thought. It wasn’t deadly, but left to its own devices it may be. It was bleeding, bubbling up froth and dirt and the bleeding needed to be stopped. “I don’t have a needle and thread on me…so you’re going to have to bear with me.”

Philip looked at her uncertainly. “What does that mean?”

Cleaning away the gravel and grime from the gash, Luz bit her lip and sketched a small fire glyph. Immediately Philip’s eyes bulged out. “No! Don’t you think it!” he cried.

“Look it either has to be sewn or cauterized or this could go from something serious to deadly!” Luz snapped. “I’ll be as gentle as I can be, even though you don’t deserve gentle.”

“Gentle. With fire?! How does that work?!” he snapped, eyes wide in obvious terror. He’d lost more color but Luz had a feeling that wasn’t blood loss.

“I-I don’t know!” she spluttered. “It’s our only shot right now though.” Grimacing, Luz tore off a piece of her shirt and shoveled it in the man’s mouth. Huh, she should have done that long ago…

The girl searched around for an object she could heat up, finding her options limited. In the end, she went for the tip of his shovel and nervously ignited a fire glyph. She held the flame against the metal for a good minute, and tried not to feel pity when she saw the fear in his expression. 

“Deep breath, okay?” Luz asked gently. She prayed she knew what she was doing and she pressed the red hot metal against his wound. The sizzling crackled from his skin and the stench of burning flesh stung her nostrils. His raw screams of anguish, even muffled, were the next to permeate her senses.

Philip shrieked and tried to keep still, his hand spasming around and looking for something to grip onto for leverage. He panted and heaved, nearly vomiting into the rag in his mouth. Sweat streamed down the sides of his face and tears threatened his eyes.

Luz pulled away. “It’s over,” she reassured, pleased to see the wound had clotted, the flame siphoning off the leaking vessel. “Are, uh, you okay?” Even with everything he’d done, she took no pleasure in that.

Philip was struggling to get his bearings, but nodded shakily as he stumbled to his feet. “I-I’m fine,” he said begrudgingly as he stood. “We need to keep moving before we lose oxygen.” His legs shook, nearly sending him into the rock face. 

“How long might that be?” Luz bit her lip.

“Soon if we don’t hurry.” 

Eventually they reached another twist in the long rocky passage and a stack of well placed rocks. In such a narrow tunnel, these might be harder to destroy without further injury…or trapping.

Still, Philip extracted his shovel, the shovel head glinting in their bright golden light source. He struck down, putting weight on it with his good leg, and attempting to maneuver the metal underneath one of the small boulders. “Damnit,” he cursed. “It’s wedged tighter than I…” He grunted and with a final yank, there was the sound of a snap. …It had broken as effortlessly as a toothpick.

Two parchments glowed green as vines sprouted around Luz’s arms once more, looping around the rocks. Try as she might to yank at them, it was to no avail. They were wedged, and tightly it seemed. “Geez, how tight did you stack these things?”

“It didn’t seem to be that much!” he grunted.

“We’re so close to the other side too,” Luz sighed as she slumped against the boulders. With her ear pressed against cold granite she could hear all the sounds of the cave. Distant, dripping stalactites, the sound of stray pebbles tumbling down. And…

“Breathing…” The child’s eyes widened in horror as she slowly backed up, already preparing to reach into her pocket and snatched glyphs from her pockets. Her stash was starting to run low. It was difficult to flex her blood encrusted fingers. “Oh no…oh, it smells the blood!”

“What does?!” Philip backed up quickly, ready to limp into the other direction as fast as he could and leave the child to be consumed.

“I don’t know!” Luz veered from side to side, holding up her light glyph. The glow illuminated a bright and pale yellow eye peering through the cracks. The teenager grit her teeth as she held up a ball of flames threateningly, but whatever their predator was pursued anyway and Luz gulped as the rocks started to jostle from their positions. “Well, at least it’s moving the rocks…”

The creature let off a horrible screech and Luz backpedaled onto the cave floor, her palms scraping the rocks as she attempted to put as much distance from the creature as she could. Just in time it seemed, as the rocks tumbled down right where she’d been standing.

“It’s broken through! Hey!” Luz gaped as she whirled around. She shouldn’t be surprised, but somehow it still stung seeing Philip limping in the other direction. “Get back here!”

The creature screeched again, confusingly softer this time. Luz looked up, and she saw the friendly face of the stonesleeper, whom she had affectionately nicknamed Pancake. Its large beak twitched curiously. “Pancake!” she laughed. “Did you follow us here?” Excitedly, she ran forward and clambered the rough stone of its body to reach its back. “I’m so happy to see you!” She scratched behind the creature’s long horns.

Luz tossed a cold glare at Philip standing, or more so wobbling, about five feet away from them now. The small amount of pity she’d formed for him in the last few minutes had dissipated like a puff of smoke. “I should leave you here. I should drop another friggin boulder on your leg, you jerk!”

“I didn’t know what that beast was at first! And I don’t know how in the titan’s name you’ve managed to tame it.” He narrowed his eyes at the ancient monster that didn’t look overly enthused to see him.

“I’m just that awesome,’ Luz had to preen, strutting her chest like a proud peacock. She reached a hand down to seize one of his grimy ones. He seemed to be glaring at the beast with utter distaste and it was all she could keep from losing her temper and telling Pancake to trample him.

“Your hands are all crusty.”

This bitch… “Yes with YOUR blood, and it’s about to be more if you don’t get. on. the stonesleeper,” she spoke, through bared teeth. He got the message.

With its two passengers aboard, Pancake lifted its head, stone horns rearing up for momentum, and swinging down into the rest of any rocks that made this narrow squeeze a tight fit. Luz could feel a refreshing cool breeze touch her skin. It was a welcome change to the humid and stale air of the cave. There wasn’t very much light however.

“It’s night,” Luz realized as they finally reached the opening. She could see a canvas of sparkling stars stretch across the night sky. 

Astute observation,” Philip said dryly as he nearly shoved away from the stonesleeper in disgust, despite doing so leading to him landing hard on his injured leg.

“I hope you have nothing really important inside that cave, because whoo boy…” Luz whistled as she looked at the fallen rock structure. Philip’s face fell slightly.

“Anything of significance I have with me,” he said, patting his satchel. “…However, all of my food and equipment is in there, and now I’ll have to start fresh.” He turned to look at Luz. “Well I appreciate your assistance, child. Now it seems we’re free to part ways!”

Luz whirled to the asshole, her eyes blazing at the sheer, thoughtless audacity. Just when she thought he couldn’t get any worse, honestly. “Free to part ways??” she shouted at him. “Because of you I’m stuck here! Nuh uh, you dirtbag! You are going to tell me how to get home or I am going to cauterize the rest of you!” she threatened.

He called her out on her bluff, with the most satisfied smirk. “Clearly you’re far too ‘nice’ to act on that threat.”

“You’re really that much of a psychopath to leave a kid out here alone??” She rolled her eyes. “A ‘human’ kid?”

Philip scoffed as he turned to start down the dirt path, turning mostly so Luz didn’t see the micro flash of turmoil as ‘human’ touched his ears. “I think you’ve proven you’re more than a helpless human child, Luzura. You can survive on your own.”

He took a few steps and cried out. Sharp burning daggers shot up his injured leg and fell him like a ton of bricks.

Luz watched apathetically as he groaned. “You can’t.” She smirked as she moseyed along behind him, triumphant at his glare. “Besides, if you don’t help me I’ll just follow along on Pancake and bug the crap out of you until you do, and make things more difficult for you. Oh, that’s if you haven’t fallen down a cliff or gotten eaten because you can’t outrun anything…” Her evil grin widened as his glare darkened.

“…Fine,” Philip finally growled. “I’ll take you to a place that may be able to help you, and may be able to get information on how to create another time pool. It’s a few towns over. Consider it my repayment for your…kindness.” He almost stumbled out the last word, like it was so rare in his vocabulary he didn’t know how to say it.

“Good then. I guess for tonight we should try to find somewhere to sleep. And it’s Luz by the way.” Luz yanked him back up on the stonesleeper’s back. “Now get on Pancake, shut up, and let’s get going.”

“Why ever did you name it Pancake...?”

---

(And at last after two years the first chapter of Little Firefly is finally up! This is a fic I’ve wanted to write and have written and role played on and off for a while, but it was the uncertainty of canon and the ever changing plot and how it might conflict even more with my decision making that prevented me from writing this.

Now that the show is done I am more than confident with how I plan to twist some canon into my au and write my slightly more ‘neutered’ Philip Wittebane. This fic is highly Wittebro centric with a bit of a different take on some events, and of course one of the biggest focuses is on Philip and Luz. So I hope you all enjoy my take on ‘what if Luz got stuck in time and found herself back with the Wittebro-Clawthorne ancestors? c:)

[shewhowantsmouseears]

Darkwing Doubloon Versus The Sea Witch

So based on the poll, did a comedy-based drabble. Feel free to mentally think of OG DWD or 17. If enough people like it, I'll consider writing a full "episode".

Fear! Ha! Fear was not a word that Darkwing Doubloon was familiar with. It was the thing that held back weaker men than he! It was an obstacle that inferior buffoons couldn’t surmount! It was the disease that ravaged those who would do justice harm! Suffice it to say, DARKWING DOUBLOON, hero of the seven seas, pirate extraordinaire and legend in his own right wasn’t afraid of anything!

“So for the last time, quit asking me if I’m afraid.” The very same pirate audibly snapped at his crewmates, choosing to glare into the darkness instead of at them. “My knees are knocking because we’re knee-high in cold ocean water! The next guy who asks gets to go back on the ship and make sure Gosashire doesn’t shanghai it again.”

“You’re a braver man than me, Darkwing.” Launchpad replied as he took slow, steady steps behind his captain. Each of the four men had their own lit torch, but even with their combined light, the watery catacombs were nearly impossible to see through. The most they could make out was each other’s terrified face (except for Darkwing, who, again, wasn’t scared, no sir) and the occasional smelly barnacle on the wall. “I mean, we’re in the lair of a hideous, fearsome, sea-monster! One who controls every single creature that’s in the waves! One wrong move, and we could be swimming with the fishes!”

“I hope not! I didn’t bring my water wings.” Stegmutt held his torch in one hand, and his large tail in the other, taking up Darkwing’s left flank.

Gizmoduck was on Darkwing’s right, and even his historically-anachronist visor couldn’t help him see any further than his companions. “My precise calculations located the signal that’s been controlling the sea life from within this very cave… but none of them said how deep it was. I can’t even tell if we’re heading in the right direction!”

Always eager for a chance to puff up his already inflated ego, Darkwing strutted forward with his beak held high. “Luckily, my keen instinct tells me way more than your calculations could ever say! I am certain we’re headed the right way! And once we find this so-called monster that’s been controlling the fish to attack ships and steal their treasure, the grand and glorious battle between us shall be so ground, history books shall teach about it hundreds of years from now! Which reminds me. First mate Launchpad, you brought the quill and parchment to write down the grand and glorious battle?”

“Right here!” Launchpad proudly held out a waterlogged parchment scroll that now seemed more suited for the trash than of trashing titans. “Uh… I might have to write down a condensed version, though.”

“No matter! Might as well start off with the good stuff. Write down how amazingly heroic I am as I lead you all deeper and deeper into the lair of the monster. Though many have heard its siren call, no man has ever laid eyes upon the beast…”

As Darkwing began to ramble on about the mysteries that the sea monster had left in its wake, Stegmutt found himself more concerned with the mystery of his stomach growling. Fortunately, that had an easy answer, as he stashed some extra rations in his back pocket. The trick now was getting them out without dropping his torch or his tail. He fumbled and began to lag his companions, struggling in vain to keep his arms full and yet not full at the same time. After a few more grunts and groans, he found his problem solved when the rations were rather abruptly dangled in front of his face.

“Oh, why thank you!” He pleasantly chirped as he reached forward to take them… and then realized that this sudden help was probably not a good thing. He had no time to shriek in surprise before what had helped him suddenly yanked him under the water, leaving behind only a torch to be doused.

“Hmm, getting harder to see what I’m writing down here.” Launchpad mumbled, having used one hand for a torch, one to hold the parchment, and his mouth to hold the quill. “Stegmutt, you mind bringing your light in closer? … Stegmutt?”

With no reply given from the usually overly helpful chap, all three turned in his direction only to find the large dino-duck gone. They all looked around, futile as it was given the darkness, and made a collective gulp.

“W-where could he have gone?!” Gizmoduck stammered, trying to inch closer to his friends as tightly as possible. “He was just here a minute ago!”

“Obviously,” Darkwing roughly pushed Gizmoduck aside, “he fled back to the ship! His nerves got the better of him, that’s all. Not every man has the bravery to take down sea-monsters. Onward, men!” As plausible as the theory was, Gizmoduck and Launchpad couldn’t help but exchange nervous glances. “Now, where was I?”

“You were saying how no one’s ever actually seen the monster up close?” Launchpad answered, getting dangerously close to swallowing the quill.

“Right, right, right. Up until a month ago, the seas around these islands were as calm as the sweetest lullaby on the softest sheep…” He paused, then shook his head. “Definitely going to have to rework these metaphors. Point is, it’s only then that any passing ship suddenly got attacked by octopi, electric eels, and every manner of scaled sea creature that can swim! They were only ever after treasure and gold, and they all fled to this very cave.”

“But why would they even want treasure?” Gizmoduck asked out loud, trying to pop open one of his mechanical arms so he could try doing scientific doo-hickey things to find a better signal. “That’s what bothers me about this. I don’t think it’s a monster, I think it’s a person! If I could just get this darn thing to open… must be logged with sea water…” He too began to lag as he struggled in vain to jimmy open his arm. Once again, he got surprise help from an outsider that popped it open.

“Gee, thanks!” And once again, he too realized he shouldn’t be thanking whatever just helped him, as now he too was suddenly seized down below.

“Maybe they’re all just feeling shell-fish.” Launchpad chuckled at his own pun, but that made him accidentally spit out his quill. “Oops. Gizmoduck, you got another quill on you? You sure seem to have everything but the kitchen sink… Gizmoduck?”

Captain and First Mate looked at where Gizmoduck once was to find where he once wasn’t. As their eyes slowly met, Darkwing let out a shaky, nervous laugh. “C-Cowardice appears to be contagious! Clearly, he too has retreated to the ship!”

“M-M-Maybe we ought to do the same thing.” Launchpad began to tremble so hard, some of the embers of his torch touched the parchment. “We can leave this story on a cliffhanger and pick up in, ah, twenty years?”

“Nay!” Darkwing turned around an overly dramatic fashion, his cape smacking Launchpad in the face. “Darkwing Doubloon doesn’t believe in ‘To be Continued’! Whatever this foul, reprehensible creature is, man or monster, it will know no mercy to my blade! Oh, that’s a good one, be sure to write that down.”

Launchpad would have obeyed, but the parchment fire was a bit more distressing to deal with. He wasn’t sure how to put it out without making things worse, but – for the third time – a helper came along and simply smacked the fire out. Do you even need a full paragraph to know what happened next?

“I’m on a roll!” Darkwing cheered, oblivious that he was now speaking to no one. “This may be my greatest adventure yet! I hope this thing really puts up a fight! And the uglier it is, the more heroic I’ll seem in comparison! Launchpad, I want you to write down every single last gut-twisting detail of the monster’s… uh-oh.” He had glanced back to make sure Launchpad was writing diligently, only to discover Launchpad wasn’t there at all. His shoulders slumped, now terribly aware of how large the cavern was when compared to one single man. “Hooo-kay, fine.” he muttered, tugging on his frilled collar. “This might be a bad sign.”

Of course, he still wasn’t afraid. As said before, he didn’t know the meaning of the word! But as his steps forward slowed down inch by inch, he was willing to purchase a dictionary if he got out of this alive… When! When he got out of this alive! He was going to make it out and make his legend shine brighter than the closest star! He was a hero that never backed down from anything! He had a daughter who would endlessly make fun of him if he ran back now –

He felt something yank on his cape, and for a moment he was relieved he was alone, as the high-pitched scream he made was not something he’d care to share. “I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! AND HANDSOME! AND RICH! … TWO OUT OF THREE AIN’T BAD!” He whipped out his sword and frantically swung in the direction of whatever was holding him hostage, keeping one of his eyes shut in his frantic antics… only to realize the fearsome being that had caught him was just a jagged rock that had snagged his cape. He exhaled very deeply, even allowing a dry “ha” or two to escape him. “Sheesh, those scaredy-cat deserts are mine are rubbing off on me! There’s nothing to be afraid of, except the damage to my good taste.”

He knelt and began trying to tug his cape loose, but it was difficult to do so without tearing it up, and he was loathe to let his excellent sense of fashion suffer. As was the same for his captured companions, he got unexpected help untying his cape. But this time, Darkwing was able to stop his gratitude before it left his beak.

What now held his cape was a big, long, thick, black tentacle. He clicked his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “Lemme take a shot in the dark here. You took away my crew.”

The tentacle appeared to nod.

“And now you intend to do the very same thing to me.”

Another nod.

“Noted. Appreciate the brevity.”

With that out of the way, the tentacle wrapped itself around his leg and proceeded to drag him underneath the water. But since he’d known what was to come, Darkwing was able to hang onto his wits enough to try hanging onto anything his hands could grab. The tentacle didn’t make this easy, and almost seemed to smack him into every rock, wall, and extremely sharp piece of coral it could find. As Darkwing’s expletives bubbled away in the water, an idea came to him – he unhooked his scabbard from his belt, and with seconds to spare, looped it around an oncoming rock that was just tall enough to get him some breathing space. He gasped for much-needed air, and then glared irritability at the tentacle still tugging him.

“You’ll have to try harder than that to get one over Darkwing Doubloon!” He announced as he drew out his sword and made several blind attempts to stab in the dark. His troubles doubled as a second tentacle splashed out of the water and tried to ensnare his wrist. “Hey! That was NOT an incentive!” With twice the tugging, it was twice as hard to hold onto his scabbard, and his body felt as if every bone was crying out in protest. “Owowowowow! Though I have to say, this is doing wonders for my back, it’s usually in knots…”

Oh-ho! Such a pity that not everyone could be as quick-thinking and brilliant as DARKWING DOUBLOON! With an excited grin, he dropped his sword and grabbed both tentacles at once. It took only seconds of careful but quick execution, and not only was he freed, but both tentacles were now tied up together in a knot that would make any sailor proud. The tentacles immediately began to withdraw, and Darkwing drew himself up proudly, even giving his sword a fanciful twirl. “Yep, yep, yep – that about wraps things up here! Now, to follow those terrible tentacles and find out what’s become of my crew!”

After going back a few steps to retrieve his fallen hat – really, what was any pirate with a good huge hat? – he ventured onward towards a faint light in the distance. His best guess was this was the cave’s final room, a theory that grew along with the light. He pressed himself up against a corner wall to peek in as much as he could without being seen.

The large treasure horde was being light by dozens of hanging candles, which also helped to illuminate the mountains of stolen jewels, gold, and treasure chests that had been seized from ships. They also helped show off the trio of captured pirates, who were each dangling in a tiny bamboo cage that creaked with every tiny motion they made. The walls were aligned with bookshelves, which was an oddity to Darkwing, as what good was any book in a waterlogged cavern? A looming shadow was wading into the center of the room, heading towards a throne constructed from purple shells and red coral – right next to the throne was a partially broken stone pillar, but what was more important was a bright, shining tiara sitting atop it. The golden piece was outfitted with three large rubies, and perhaps on the surface seemed no more important than any of the other treasures lumped here and there… but Darkwing was clever enough to know that no one put things on pillars unless they were purposeful! If that wasn’t some ancient artifact of evil, he didn’t know what was.

As the tall, looming figure began to take a seat, grousing as they labored to undo the tentacle tie, Darkwing knew no moment would be better for his big entrance. He checked his pocket, and thanked himself for making sure his trademark smoke bombs were extra, super-duper waterproof. A Darkwing Doubloon without smoke bombs, could you even imagine…!

He flicked three out onto the dry surface of the cavern room, and they instantly billowed his favorite color, startling his would-be foe.

“I am the terror that sails the seas!”

He jumped out from the cavern wall, still hidden in the smoke, but already brandishing his sword. His crew would have begun hooting for joy on his arrival, but they also knew their captain well enough by now never to interrupt his opening speech.

“I am the stubborn barnacle that clings to the ship of evil!”

Now the smoke began to dissipate, allowing the monster and the hero to finally look at one another.

“I, am… ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SINGLE.”

Seconds ago, had anyone ever asked Darkwing his ideas on romance and affairs of the heart, he would have given a pithy remark that his one true love was the sea. But seconds ago, he hadn’t seen the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on, at least from the waist up. She was tall! She was slender! She had rich green eyes that were more gorgeous than any emerald in the king’s treasury! She had dark raven hair that hung ever so perfectly on her side, with just the right amount of white streaked in! She… well, he couldn’t really comment on her outfit as he wasn’t sure what was cloth and what was scales and staring too intently at those places on a lady might be deemed inappropriate. And this was a lady! A real lady! A real, gorgeous, elegant, hominahominahomina lady!

Darkwing internally noted that he and the sea had decided to see other people.

As for the mystery maiden, she raised an eyebrow at his odd introduction, not sure what to make of it. She spared a quick aside to her victims, only to find them as puzzled as she was. She looked back at him, rested an arm on her throne, and much to Darkwing’s delight, her voice was just as enchanting as the rest of her. “I’m sorry, who are you, again?”

“Ha! Where are my manners?” Darkwing swiftly returned his sword to its scabbard, having need of it no longer. He walked straight up to the throne, and then got to one knee, removing his hat for the moment. “I’m known in these waters The Darkwing Doubloon – but simply Darkwing will suffice – and it is my most esteemed pleasure to meet such exquisite company.” He took her pale hand – my, such long claw-like nails surely meant she took good care of herself! – and kissed the top of it before sporting a flashy grin.

One more time, she looked at her victims, and they had taken on a See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Say No Evil response to whatever insanity was happening before their very eyes. Darkwing was more than content to ignore the silent peanut gallery, and just waggled his eyebrows. “Catfish got your tongue?”

“Admittedly, this is usually the part where people start screaming.” She answered, vaguely gesturing to her… frankly, all of her. “Like your friends did. You know, ‘ahhh, help me, don’t eat me, I want my mommy’?”

Darkwing gasped, hand clasped to his chest in horror, and was already on his feet. “They did what? For shame! They know better than to treat a lady so shamefully!” He turned to his friends and wagged a finger as if they were all collectively his children. “We’ll be having words back on the ship!” Ignoring their shared expressions of disbelief, he popped his hat back on his head before speaking to his lady fair. “On behalf of the disgraceful actions my crew has shown you, I sincerely and humbly apologize.”

Something akin to a grin began to sneak up on the woman’s face, and with a shift of her waist, she dropped her tentacles in front of his face. “I don’t suppose you’ll also apologize for this?”

Somehow, the tentacles belonging to his ideal bride hadn’t quite connected in his brain yet, and after making a spooked noise, he looked back and forth between the extra appendages and who they were attached to several times. Amazingly, this was not a deal-breaker. He chuckled shyly, nervously trying to gently tug the tentacles apart. “It seems like we got off on the wrong foot… or several of them.” He cleared his throat, as she tapped her nails along her armrest. “You see, m’lady, there’s been these awful robberies on the high seas around these areas, and we were sent here to investigate these affairs. Would you happen to know anything about it?”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and her sensual voice took on a low growl. “You could say I do.”

“Fantastic! What’s say you and I discuss it about it with little bit of dinner, candlelight, and – YIPE!” the freed tentacles were now snuggly wrapped around Darkwing’s legs and had chosen to hang him upside down in front of the woman’s face.

“I know that for many a moon, you mortals have been dumping your garbage into my waters!” She snarled, her cold hand gripping Darkwing’s beak. “Over and over, you pollute my home without a second thought! So I decided that if your kind is so eager to give away their possessions, it’s only right I should take what I want from them!” She then pushed his face away, making him the world’s first human pendulum. “I, Morgana MaCawber, the Sea Witch, shall take what is rightfully mine until no mortal dares to tread the ocean again! What say you to that, Darkwing?”

“First, I’m glad I had a light lunch.” Darkwing gagged as he swung back and forth helplessly. “Second, I give a hoot! I don’t pollute! That’s the truth!”

Morgana snorted in contempt, before tossing Darkwing over her shoulder and letting him land in a particularly painful pound of pennies. After spitting out copper, he weakly tried to defend his position. “I mean it! There’s no one who loves the ocean more than I do! I respect it as I would my own mother! No, more than that, because the ocean can never ground me!” There was a possible pun in there, but no time to dwell on that, he had a gal to impress! He scrambled up the bookcases so he could cling to the closest cage, which happened to be Launchpad’s. “C’mon, guys, vouch for me! I’m officially upgrading you from first mates to wingmen!”

Gizmoduck stuck a thumb in his ear. “Maybe I’ve got swimmer’s ear going on, but are you listening to yourself right now?”

“Guys, guys, it’s fine.” Launchpad kept his voice down to a whisper. “This is all part of Darkwing’s plan. He’s trying to get her to lower her guard, then he’ll snatch victory from the tentacles of defeat! Right?”

The long beat of silence didn’t inspire confidence, nor did Darkwing’s lack of eye-to-eye confirmation as he swiftly said, “Sure.”

[vampireeddie]

Steddie Week - Day 3: Rescued

Prompt by @steddie-week: Discover

Merman AU, Hawkins as a coastal town AU

Steve goes to check out Dustin’s claims of seeing a monster near the beach, and quickly finds himself face to face with said ‘monster.’

Doubles as a MerMay fic!!

-

Steve’s status as unintentional older brother to half of Hawkins high had put him in some weird situations before, but this was one of the weirdest. He was currently walking along the ocean pier at almost midnight, carrying a smelly bucket of fish he’d gotten from the market, and tossing them into the water between the docked boats to see if anything came for them.

He knew it was ridiculous. When Dustin had insisted he’d seen some monster in the water out by the pier, Steve had hoped he was imagining things. They’d fought monsters before, but a sea monster? That was way out of his league. But Dustin had insisted someone check things out, and since Steve didn’t want a 14-year-old going monster hunting at night, here he was, alone, bat strapped to his back, tossing slimy fish into the water.

Steve let out a sigh as he dropped another fish off the side of the pier. “This is so stupid,” Steve breathed. “No way there’s anything in here, the gate’s closed.”

He tossed another out on the dark water, glancing around to make sure no one was watching. He knew he must look insane.

That was when he heard something behind him. He whirled around, startled. The water was rippling, for sure. But whatever it was was gone.

Steve swallowed, slowly grabbing his bat. He set the bucket down, took another fish in his hand, and tossed it into the water near the edge of the pier.

Steve expected it to sink. But the moment it hit the water, two hands emerged from the depths and grabbed it, before a human head broke the surface.

“What the hell?!” Steve shouted.

The man looked up at Steve, long brown hair clinging to his face, eyes wide with surprise as he clutched the fish. Oh good, it wasn’t a monster, just a crazy person, he thought bitterly.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing swimming around grabbing raw fish?? You scared my friend yesterday!”

The man’s eyes were still wide as he dove back under the water. But instead of a pair of legs following him, Steve saw a long, black tale ending in a fin.

“What the hell?!” Steve took a step forward to look closer, only he’d forgotten about the bucket. He collided with it immediately, the bat falling out of his hand as he stumbled off the pier, and smacked his head hard on one of the boats on his way down.

The moment he did, everything went black.

 

When Steve came to, he was on his back, staring up at the stars, noticeably not dead. He gasped, sitting up, eyes wide remembering what had just happened, his head still throbbing with pain. “ Fuck  that hurt.”

“You okay man?”

Steve looked up. He was on an unfamiliar part of the beach, and a few feet into the water, everything but his head and shoulders submerged, was the man from a moment before.

“You!” He stared wide-eyed. “You… what are you?!”

The man raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean? Just a friendly swimmer who helped you out and wanted to make sure you woke up.”

“No,” Steve narrowed his eyes. “No, I saw you! You have a tail!”

He smiled. “You hit your head hard, guy. You’re imagining things. Anyway, I should be going…”

“I saw it!” Steve said. “It had a fin and scales…”

The man pressed his lips together, giving Steve a questioning look. “Mmmno, doesn’t sound like me.” He stretched his arms above his head, giving an obviously fake yawn. “Well, it’s late, I should get back over to my human home with my human family that I have. Thank you for not dying, fellow human, have a nice life.”

Steve gave him a look. “Dude, you have scales on your arms.”

The man looked down at his elbows, which each had a black translucent webbing. “ Shit .” He looked back at Steve. “Look, you owe me for saving your life, so you can’t tell anyone, okay??”

“I won’t,” Steve said, still in shock.

The creature swam up to the shore, and once it did, shimmied awkwardly on its elbows and tail up to near where Steve was sitting, before settling on his stomach, elbows on the ground.

“What… are you??”

The creature narrowed his eyes. “Isn’t it obvious?” He pointed at his tail “Mer,” then his torso “man?” He smiled. “You can call me Eddie though.”

Steve stared, still shocked. “How do you exist??”

Eddie tilted his head. “Well, it all started when my dad fucked a fish.” He smiled expectantly with his sharp teeth. Steve didn’t laugh. “I’m messing with you, dude.” He shrugged. “I dunno. We always have. I just… have a bad habit of going a little closer to shore than I’m supposed to. Don’t tell my uncle.” He flipped his tail up, then back down again. Steve stared at him in wonder.

“Okay, someone slipped me drugs for sure,” Steve said.

Eddie perched his chin in his hand, pouting his lips. “And you didn’t save any for me? Rude.”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “What… happened?”

Eddie smirked. “Well, you saw me, and then you got all startled, and then you fell in the water like a dumbass.” He smiled. “Woulda been funny, but then you smacked your head and it was suddenly way less funny.”

“You saved my life.”

Eddie sat up on the sand, which looked like it took some effort. “Sure did! So… do I get your name??”

“Oh, right. Sorry. It’s Steve.” He rubbed the bump on the back of his head. “Shit that hurts.”

“Yeah, you’re lucky you didn’t crack your skull. You humans are so breakable.”

Steve eyes lingered on the black tail before him. The scales reflected the pale starlight, complete with translucent webbed fins both sides that flapped gently sometimes when he moved. And a beautiful human-like chest, which Steve also couldn’t help admiring, that turned into black scales at his hips. And on both sides of his waist, three slits. Gills.

“It’s rude to stare, dude.”

“Sorry! Sorry,” Steve said, refocusing on Eddie’s dark eyes. “I’ve never met a mermaid before.”

“Merman, technically,” Eddie leaned back on his elbows. “Though you humans are more attached to gender than we are. I don’t really mind either term.”

He looked down at Steve’s soaked jeans. “Gosh, I’ve never seen a human up close. Your legs are so little!” He looked at Steve, his expression serious. “Is that why you fell over?”

Steve felt heat rose in his cheeks. “No! And they are not.”

Eddie smiled at Steve’s obvious annoyance. “But they’re so thin! Not like a tail.” He flapped his tail up again. “How do you get around anywhere??”

Steve glared. “Well, we don’t have water resistance to deal with, for one thing.”

“Ohhh, that makes sense.” Eddie lifted his hand, waving it back and forth slowly. “Must be easier moving through just the air.” He blinked. “Thanks for dinner, by the way.”

Steve narrowed his eyes. “Dinner?”

Eddie pointed behind him. Sitting on the sand was a pile of fish bones and heads. Steve grimaced. “Gross. So you do eat raw fish?”

He gave Steve a look. “I live in the ocean, Steve. What else would I eat?”

Steve shrugged. “I dunno. Kelp?”

“Kelp,” he rolled his eyes. “So, look… you seriously cannot tell anyone about me.”

“‘Course I won’t,” Steve said casually.

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “Really?” Steve nodded. “You just… discover a new species, and you’re not gonna go blabbing?”

Steve shrugged. “I’ve seen some freaky shit over the last few years in Hawkins.” He pulled his shirt off, and began wringing out the soaked garment as he spoke. “Believe it or not, merpeople are not the freakiest thing. Also apparently a lot of shitty scientists hang out in this town, and you don’t need that.” He didn’t catch how Eddie’s eyes lingered on his chest as well. “Besides, I’ve seen too much sci-fi working at the video store.” He set the shirt on his lap and looked back to Eddie, who quickly brought his gaze back to Steve’s eyes. “Wouldn’t want you to get… dissected or something.”

Eddie’s eyes traveled back down to Steve’s waist, and his eyebrows furrowed.

“What?”

Eddie reached out, and touched Steve’s bare waist. “You’re missing your gills.”

Steve smiled. “We don’t have gills.”

“Damn. No wonder you guys never spend much time underwater.” He took his hand back and looked back up at Steve. “Guess I really did save your life.”

Steve smiled. “You’re also the reason I got scared and fell, to be fair.”

Steve looked down at the ridges on Eddie’s waist. “Can I…”

“Go for it.” Eddie leaned in slightly closer.

Steve reached out, gently letting his fingers travel down the flaps in Eddie’s waist. “Woah. That’s crazy.” He pulled his hand back, forcing himself to look back up at Eddie’s eyes.

A chill went down Steve’s back. He shifted his legs. “Shit these pants are cold.”

“That’s what happens when you take a nighttime dip.” Eddie looked out over the water. “This part of the beach is super secluded, that’s why I should be good to be up here. I hunt here all the time, the humans never come over here.” He looked over at Steve. “No one’ll see if you wanna take them off. It’s warm out.”

Steve grimaced. “Yeeeeah, humans aren’t so big on the nudity thing.”

Eddie glanced down at Steve’s hips, then back at his eyes, a flirty smile crossing his features. “That’s a shame.”

Steve looked away from him. Heat rose in his cheeks rapidly.

“Are you okay??”

Steve looked back at the merman, who had a concerned look on his face.

“What?”

Eddie reached out and took Steve’s cheeks in between his thumb and pointer fingers. “Your face! It’s all red all the sudden!”

Steve laughed. “Oh. I’m blushing. That’s normal.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes. “Really? It looks like your cheeks got injured.”

Steve smiled as the merman released his face. “So…” he tilted his head. “…Do I get to reward my rescuer with a kiss?”

Eddie grinned, his tail flipping excitedly. “I suppose so.”

Steve cupped Eddie’s face in his hand, and pressed a long, slow kiss to his lips. Then another, enjoying his soft and salty lips. Finally he pulled back, staring at Eddie’s warm brown eyes.

“These pants are… pretty cold.”

Eddie grinned. “We better get them off you then, huh?”

Steve kissed him again. “I guess so.”

[alice-makes-things]

Merlin. The Merlinator. The Boy. Big Man. And Mr. Merlin (when we’re being polite).

Losing two dogs in six months is hard. Merlin – although *technically* an old man - was fit and well and loving life to the fullest all the way up to yesterday afternoon. He never aged. Only two gret hairs on his head. Our eternal puppy. We’re devastated.

10 years ago, Mum took me to see some Flatcoat puppies. I met a magical round boy with gigantic paws, who promptly sat on my feet, undid my shoes and refused to get off. In the end, Mum didn’t choose a puppy. A puppy chose me, and I named him Merlin.

You never did grow into those paws. And the rest of you was massive as well. Gargantuan though you were, you were always a big baby: a 30kg retriever who believed you were a lap dog and behaved accordingly.

I’m glad you knew Jasper - that he taught you about toys. How to scrump for apples. How to 'run down the garden with something in your mouth', leaving it outside to be sent back for it - a game you played every day for the rest of your life.

I loved your weird personality. Simultaneously the biggest bully and a huge wuss. An absolute arsehole yet a massive softie. Disliking most dogs, but loving your people and your pack. You weren’t always easy, but you were ours.

The way you’d lie – inexplicably - in the fireplace. Rolling in everything smelly from heather (lovely) to dead fish (the WORST.) That you were handsome but also gross. When you sneezed green gunk all over the vet. When you counter-surfed the Christmas turkey. Constantly bringing me Ted to ‘hide’ throughout the house for you to find - because you thought that ‘find-the-ted’ was *my* favourite game.

That look on your face when you scented something on the wind. Gallomphing off on some solo mystery adventure. You'd always find us again.

Farewell Merlin, you magical boy. The most dog-shaped dog who ever lived. Gallomph off on your mystery adventure. Go and find Ruby- I know how much you miss her. Split an apple with Jasper. 🍏

I hope one day you’ll once again sit on my lap and violently lick me in the face and refuse to stop even though you’re bloody massive. I promise to find a good place to hide Ted. 🧸

[twistedsimmer]

Week 1: Settling In, Part 3

The next few days were busy for the group, as they gathered resources to build their future settlement.

"Hey, I found a priceless vase!"

"Ha, is that all? I found a computer, two posters and a ceramic dish already."

"Damn, nice Marf! So what'd you find, Mona?"

"Three rocks and an old bone!" :D

Of course, it wasn't all work; plenty of time was found for recreation and appreciating the beautiful scenery.

"The fishing sure is good today, isn't it Jake?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, absolutely beautiful."

"Heh. Getting distracted by a potential catch, I see."

"Mmhmm."

They eventually scraped up enough materials to upgrade the camp. It wasn't much, but more comfortable seating did wonders for morale.

"Mona, where are your clothes? You can't be walking around here naked, it's not your house."

"Aww, but why not?"

"..um.."

"She's right, Jake."

"*ahem* So uh, how's that loveseat coming?"

The group got a surprise when a truck pulled into their campsite, emblazoned with a familiar logo.

"Am I seeing things, or is that..?"

"The Littlesprings Project! My dad sent us supplies!"

"Ooh, you think they sent us some more food?"

"Or coffee! Please Watcher, let there be coffee!"

"Vincent! You're a sight for sore eyes."

"Howdy, little man. Your father sends his regards, and wants to know why you haven't checked in yet. Your first report was due a few days ago."

"Heh, um, I kinda lost the satellite phone when our van crashed. "

"How'd you manage that?"

"Long story, but it ended with a cat being thrown at my face."

"What the..?"

"Jake! They're at it again!"

"Okay, that's it, Emi. I warned you already."

"Spare me the lecture, buddy. This is between me and him."

"No, not anymore. You're making this place unsafe-"

"-and uncomfortable."

"-and as the leader of this expedition, I can't allow that."

"And what are you gonna do about it, huh? Throw me in jail or something?"

"Well shit. I didn't think he'd actually do it."

A few hours later..

"Hey, are you okay in there?"

"I've been stuck in this smelly shack for hours with barely any food and nothing to read. So no."

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to suffer. I just don't want to be punched, is all."

"Stop being an idiot and you won't be."

"I'm not- ugh, it's no use arguing with you, is it?"

"Of course not. What do you want, anyway?"

"I want to get you out of there."

"And why would you do that? You know I could just beat you up again, maybe lock you in here."

"Emi, please. I don't want to fight you. Frankly, I don't even remember why we started in the first place."

"Hmm. Now that you mention it, I don't either."

"How about we call a truce? We don't have to like each other, but we still have to work together."

"I still think you're an idiot, but sure. Can you let me out now?"

Shortly after Emi was released from the hastily built detention shack, Jake called everyone for the first official meeting.

"Alright folks, I think it's about time we put an end to this drama. We have a job to do, and having people get injured isn't going to help. Suggestions?"

"I've got one. Your boy Vincent brought us some building supplies in that truck of his, correct?"

"He did, yeah."

"Then I'd say it's a good time for each of us to strike out on our own. We'll all be out of one another's hair, and make more progress in settling the land than if we're all stuck here."

"I agree. Amayata, any progress with the scouting?"

"Yup! I've found some good potential building sites, they're already marked on the maps."

"Excellent! Any objections to this plan?"

"No, it sounds like a great idea. Definitely better than having to lock anyone up."

"Hey! The corpulent copulator and I made peace already. There's no need to throw me in that cell anymore."

"Glad to hear it. We don't want to have to build a real jail anytime soon."

"It's settled. Everyone, pick your spots on the map, and get some rest. Tomorrow, we pack up and set out."

After posing for one last group photo, the settlers grabbed their things and headed out. Jake was left by himself at the stripped down campsite, pining for Amayata worrying about his friends.

"Sigh. I hope she's safe out there..and the rest of them, too."

The blaring of a truck horn snapped him out of his thoughts, along with an impatient Vincent.

"Hey kid, you ready to head out? We're burning daylight here."

"Yeah, I am. It's time to get to work."

-> Next Chapter..

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Solar Opposites in: Ultra Opposites: “The Prophecy Pt. 2” (for @avaveevo)

Back where we left off, the rest of the other Ultra Opposites arrived as they see Solar Flare crying while Electra and Psylock mourn with him.

Montez/The Master: Terry! Thank goodness we found you… oh no… Korvo?

Terry/Solar Flare: He’s dead…. Basillik killed him with a laser… and I should’ve stopped him… this all my fault…

Nova/Lady Roseus: Oh Terry…

Cherie/Agent Red: No…

Pezlie: whimpers

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: sigh sadly

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: No….

Jamie/Firey: Oh… hugs and comforts Miss Darcina who starts crying

Randall/Ultra Man: Korvo….

Janice/Master Smasher: H’no not Korvo Y’know…

Montez/The Master: Oh God…

Shine Light starts crying while Shout Out comforts her.

Ms. Perez: It’s okay, Terry. It’s not your fault.

Terry/Solar Flare: Yes it is… I should’ve known…

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: Well, we can still him, right guys?

Other Ultra Opposites: Yeah. Let’s do this. For Korvo.

Solar Flare however is having some doubts as tears slowly streams down his eyes.

Janiz/Lady Super Shlorpian: Terry?

Solar Flare’s sadness turns into anger.

Terry/Solar Flare: God damn it! I can’t! I can’t do it! I only made things worse! Ugh! I’m not sure I can stop him!

Jesse/Electra: Don’t worry Terry! I’m sure your Mundane form can stop Basilik!

Terry/Solar Flare: cries No. It can’t. Korvo’s dead. And it’s all my fault…

[Solar Flare]

So I look out at the stars just like me

And I'm begging you to see this as a sign

Then, Solar Flare looks at his friends, and sees them smiling at him with hope in their eyes and in him

'Cause I know that if you choose to stand beside me

[Shine Light]

We'll be greater than all his magic combined

So I make this wish

[Electra and Lady Roseus]

So I make this wish

[The Teens]

So I make this wish

So I make this wish

[Rest of The Ultra Opposites]

To have something more for us than this

[Master and Agent Red]

We've had generations of expectations

Wondering why, and wondering when

[Ultra Opposites]

We're past dipping our toes in

We know it's do or die, it's sink or swim

We were all confusing your promises for protection

But we know what we've gotta do

Hope unchanging, with our wish held high

The way you've always taught us to

So I look out at the stars just like me

And throw caution to every warning sign

[Ultra Opposites and Solar Flare]

What we do in this moment is defining

And we can take it on if we ally

[Solar Flare]

So I make this wish

[Ultra Opposites and Solar Flare]

To have something more for us than this

[Solar Flare]

So I make this wish

[Ultra Opposites and Solar Flare]

To have something more for us than this

After the song ends, Solar Flare looks at the sky in courage and then looks at his friends.

Terry/Solar Flare: Let’s fucking do this.

Yumyulack/Psylock: Ultra Opposites… let’s go stop the smelly fish fuck! For L.S.S.!

Ultra Opposites: Yeah!

Later, Sonya suddenly novices a thunder storm as she gasp.

Sonya: No…

Suddenly, she sees Basilik wreaking havoc and gasp.

Sonya: Basilik?!

Basilik: laughs evilly GeenaDavisVille! One of your beloved heroes, Legendary Super Shlorpian is dead!

The people gasp.

Sonya: gasp No!

Basilik: Now Earth is mine! The Ultra Opposites are no more!

However, Sonya looks down, as she looks at the Junior support medal Legendary Super Shlorpian gave her and gets courage in her face as she runs up to confront Basilik.

Sonya: Hey, prick!

Basilik: Huh?

Sonya: Leave my planet alone you jerk!

Basilik: laughs I don’t believe it! A little girl? Trying to stop me?! I like to see you try!

Sonya kicks Basilik in the face as he screams. Then he growls.

Basilik: How dare you-

Suddenly, a roar was heard. It was Mundane Solar Flare and the rest of the Ultra Opposites.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Your reign of terror is over Basilik!

Sonya: Ultra Opposites!

Basilik: Come back for more I see!

Sonya ran up and hug Mundane Solar Flare.

Sonya: I knew you would come! I knew it!

Mundane Solar Fire chuckles.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Thank young lady for stepping up for us! But right now, stay back! We got ass to kick!

The Ultra Opposites bravely approach Basilik, ready to confront him.

Basilik: You’ll pay for coming back!

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: No! You’re gonna pay for murdering the Shlorpian I love you self-centered fuck!

Sonya gasps. Psylock then turns into his Super Shlorpian form and growls.

Sonya: You… to Basilik YOU MONSTER!

Basilik: Don’t worry! You’re up next!

Basilik summons his laser spears

Basilik: Let’s have some fun and-

Suddenly, Miss Darcina grabs one of them and rips them off. Then, Super Cooke destroys one with his laser eyes.

Principal Cooke/Super Cooke: Got ya!

Miss Frankie/Shadow Lady: That’s my boy! throws katanas that destroyed the spear

Basilik: NO!

Then, Agent Red and La Oscuridad destroy some of the spears with their powers while Ultra Man and Master Smasher smash four of them, then Flamethrower and Firey destroys some with their fire powers.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Way to go guys! You’re doing great

Basilisk snaps.

Basilisk: That is i! The time for playing games is over!

Basilik turns into a monster and roars.

Sonya: Aaah!

Mia/Shine Light: Oh shit! What do we do now?!

Ms. Perez/Shout Out: Solar Flare!

Munane Terry/Solar Flare: You may have powers but I have something you’ll never have!

Basilik: Oh what is that Solar Flare?!

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Someone who FUCKING LOVES ME!

Mundane Solar Flare powers up his lava powers as it makes a powerful blast and it burns Basilik as he screams in pain. Mundane Solar Flare roars. The others cheer while Basilik groans in pain.

Sonya: Alright Solar Flare!

Basilik: How dare you try-

Mundane Solar Flare then punches Basilik to the ground as he growls. Despite that, Mundane Solar Flare still has sanity in control as he growls. Suddenly, a blue light appears. Then ice swirls appears around the blue light and it is revealed to be Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian. Tears of joy burst from the Ultra Opposites’ eyes as they gasp in joy.

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Hello darling.

Seeing his husband alive, Mundane Solar Flare gasp in joy as he runs up to his husband and embrace in a big kiss while crying tears of happiness.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: I thought you died! I saw you-

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Y’know these powers are a life source. They never fade away along with their host.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: I missed you babe!

Ultra Opposites: Aaaw.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: I’m so sorry! I should’ve saved you on time! None of this would’ve happen if-

Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: put his fingers on Solar Flare’s lips Shh… save your breath… I’m just so happy to be back…

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Oh Korvy!

The two alien superhero husbands then embrace in a kiss once Legendary Super Shlorpian turns into his Super Shlorpian form and flies in the air with him while the others cheered. Then, Basilik gasp in horror upon seeing L.S.S. alive!

Basilik: Impossible. How are you alive? I cannot be defeated.

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Wrong, you fucking loser! The things that can't be defeated are heart, soul, and the bonds of family. Three things you and your godawful powers lack!

Super Shlorpian Legendary Super Shlorpian laughs.

Basilik: No! This ain’t over! One day, I’ll have my revenge and-

Super Shlorpian Legendary Super Shlorpian uses his ice breath to freeze Basilik. Ultra Opposites cheer in joy while Sonya comes up and hugs Super Shlorpian L.S.S. and Mundane Solar Flare.

Sonya: Thanks…

Mundane Terry/Solar Flare: Thank you too. You very brave.

Sonya giggles.

Super Shlorpian Korvo/Legendary Super Shlorpian: Sonya… we want to tell you something… once we get home..

Sonya is confused. Later… Sonya is sitting on the couch with Yumyulack, Jesse and Pupa waiting for Korvo and Terry.

Sonya: So, what’s going on?

Terry and Korvo comes in joy as they put down the custody papers.

Sonya: What’s this?

Terry: Sonya… we have some wonderful news

Korvo: We’re adopting you!

Sonya: Yo-you are? But why?

Korvo cries a little.

Korvo: You see Terry and I always wanted a child… and we know how much you miss your parents.

Sonya: It’s true…

Korvo: But we want you to know. We love you Sonya. You were like a fourth child we always wanted ever since Terry and I got married. But, you are not gonna be alone anymore Sonya… welcome to the Solar Opposites…

Terry: So, we’ll be your new dads!

Jesse gasps.

Sonya: You-you mean it?! You want me to be part of the family?! I’m not alone anymore?

Korvo: Of course we do. We love you Sonya Opposites…

Korvo smiles with tears in his eyes.

Sonya: Oh daddies…!

Sonya hugs her new alien dads. Janiz then cries in joy, AISHA and EVA cries hysterically while hugging each other, Yumyulack is shock, Jesse is excited and Pupa gasp in joy.

Jesse: So what does this mean for us now?

Korvo: That means Sonya is your new sister!

Janiz: Oh my God! I’m an aunt again!

Yumyulack: Well, this should be interesting…

Jesse: Yay! I’ve always wanted to have a sister!

Pupa: Sonya!

The family has a group hug.

Terry: Welcome home Sonya…

Sonya: Thanks Terry…

The End

[suspiciousriver]

At the Gas Station

The patchwork quilt is this:

a Navajo, a pal, a Ronald Reagan,

Two baritone boys, and an alcoholic.

Spanish, plaid, orange juice, white noise,

Criterion, draping my legs over Paul’s

knees and his playful tap.

Me and my friends and we’re chugging beer,

Sky shows up and she was a friend from my childhood

And she plays pool with her boyfriend

and they’re the type that Neo opens the door to.

I bought two gray rabbits at King’s Thrift

And I positioned them to touch noses.

Two black eyes and their noses kissing

on a bookcase and when I sat on the couch

I began to think of them as a camera.

I painted the one rabbit pink with flowers

and left the other one gray.

I looked to the left and their eyes were

Cold-black and chill-haunted.

This is how we taunt: with helicopters

and invisible cameras and a surveilled

Boob light.

No one believes that Paul and I were

that tight.

Zach gives me two objects:

A Gameboy and a wind-up mouth toy,

You twist it and it chatters and jumps

Downstairs. I have too many lost objects to count.

I had three chests that I kept by the door.

A trophy from my debate days.

I was neatly clipped.

He was neatly tipped.

I am too tired to talk.

It’s too dark to walk.

I’m better suited for flourescent-white, sterile,

spandex environments anyway.

I have seen this before:

Mother-rape-son. He had a right to roll

his eyes. African man with angry eyes

I’m trying to tell you:

Maybe when I look in the mirror I see a face that’s better suited for darkness, or lamps, and that scares me — the sun can be so critical.

I don’t always feel deserving of it.

Ever catch a sun ray so pure and warm it sets your heart on fire? I chase that feeling daily. I chase warmth daily.

Love is a form of knowledge,

which I think it is.

We share blue eyeliner.

You’re a thought in your own head, honey.

Will a Twisted tea fix this?

It won’t.

It’s all hidden crackhead knowledge.

These are the treats.

Every day

boiled eggs.

Castro visited Utah and the truck

newspapers. Rich!

That was genuine disgust

Because I looked like a

mullet-Malcom-X-Nazi-whore.

The Asian doctor sniffed my crotch

And said, “You’re really being released

with all of that baggage?”

Fuck you. This is why he ran.

St. George man and I ride the same

wavelength. He was trying to maintain

his sanity.

They flock around Derrick's slit neck

and I am so grief-ridden that I kicked

him. I did not want to escalate.

Is he alive? South Korea Ender’s Game dude

and his robotic voice cracked into my skull:

I am thinking about sex.

This is why I cannot sleep.

He’s 32. You’re nothing. You’re everything.

Give it to Gina: I looked trashy as hell.

Can you act black for a second?

What does Cuba represent?

Not Adrian. Not Adrienne.

Pizza gate: I am politely telling you,

I do not have that disease.

Thank you. It was Isaiah’s parakeet,

and the Bible. I am politely

asking you to show me your 7 cults.

I am asking you to FaceTime my husband

and his dirty beard and a seatbelt.

Day Two, they helped strap

me to a gurney and I was secured.

We like to drop hints: Sunglasses and something is seriously wrong

with the lifeboat. It was his ball sweat and a dog named Cujo.

My father/crack was a child. My father thinks I’m ugly.

It’s about time we met each other

for real. I resisted those journals for two years

because he Ultra-Blued his way onto my couch.

A big treat from the nice girl, pink soap.

I was smelly. I was brown. Here are your affirmation

cards: World-War-3. I should have

invited Shane(heroin)and my mother(meth)

to share the same couch. I had to snip

my chlorine hair because it was locking.

California is the deep fake. Home box office

recession. Century 16. Who can pretend to be the

most grateful for a chicken leg? I was.

me and a denim coat. Artificially intelligent

and let’s keep shit on TikTok. I met you through

MF Doom and Tupac. The world’s worst violent arm

length and fishing for work. Pork! I want to eat you.

Toasters and fake forks and that twitch.

It’s mine. I want small work. Here is the crystal cage.

Men are obsessed with my militantly tight pussy

and masked men keep shit loud. I don’t know why you don’t finger yourself

I want you! That was a real treat from Joe. I want to sever three red ties.

The blonde. The host. The pace. MINUS 3 POINTS: BACK TO JAZZ.

He lashes his own back like Jesus

and I cannot help him there.

That was her favorite hiss.

[paralianprince]

‘My family have always liked cats and I grew up around them. My father was sitting in the RSPCA Southend-on-Sea Essex way back in the early sixties looking for a rescue dog for my grandfather.

A woman opposite him was holding a basket on her lap which was pitching violently from side to side. Dad asked her, ‘‘What do you have in there? A tiger?’’ ‘‘A nightmare kitten.’’ said the lady, ‘‘It’s up and down the curtains and wrecking my house. I’m at my wits end. So, I’m here to have her put down. I can’t cope anymore.’’

The lady opened the basket to show him the monster lurking behind the wicker cover. Large, golden, yellow eyes stared out at the old man. He was instantly ‘smitten’. ‘‘I’ll have her.’’ he said, snatching the furry bundle from her grasp. And that is how ‘Fruitcake’ came to be a great part of my young life. She was, I have been told, a ‘farmhouse’ cat, with dark and orange colouring with a golden bib under her chin, gifting her the general colouring of a fruitcake.

We didn’t have a garden at home. To compensate, my dad bought a beach hut at Thorpe bay in Essex. We used it all the year round and often would take Fruitcake to the beach with us on cold, stormy winter days. A product of my generation, I was shipped off to boarding school in North Wales when I was about ten and every school holiday, two or three days before I was due home, Fruitcake, my mother told me, would go up to my room in the attic ready to welcome me home. It was uncanny how she knew.

It was about this time that my father got involved with the ‘pirate radio’ phenomenon. He had taken over the ‘Knock John’ forts way out in the Thames estuary to broadcast his station ‘Radio Essex’ to the masses. It was exciting times. I was home for my Christmas holidays when dad announced we were going to stay in the fort for a week or so and mum was going to cook the staff of engineers and the DJ’s Christmas dinner. It sounded great fun.

‘‘What about Fruitcake?’’ asked mother, ‘‘We can’t just leave her here alone with no one to look after her.’’ Dad stroked his chin as he ruminated for an answer to the problem. ‘‘I know!’’ he announced, ‘‘We will take her with us.’’ So that’s how Fruitcake ended up far out at sea on Christmas Day 1965.

I don’t think she was very impressed with the trip on a smelly old fishing boat, even though the old man had given her a sedative to keep her calm that he had got from our local vet. When we got up onto the fort, the first thing dad did was pick her up and show her not to jump up on the rail in case she tumbled over the side into the sea far below. I can still see her shocked face as she strolled around the fortress and nearly put her foot through a small hole in the deck that was originally for pipework, the white topped waves rolling around far below.

She settled in and seemed to enjoy the time with family and staff and there were no problems on the way home. 1967 saw our intrepid moggy once more at sea on the same old fishing boat heading out to Sealand, our new home further out into the North Sea. This time there were no sedatives, the boat trip was twice as long and she spent a month with just our little family over Christmas."

-

- Michael Bates, from Mirage Island: Journal of Matters Relating to Felines