#my end goal is to get a family settled in and just do a repeat transfer of power rather than forcing a sale

[taviokapudding]

For those that need numbers to understand- I'm going fully off my memory because unfortunately I recycled my copy

The October/November edition of the AARP magazine has a 2 page spread comparing cost of living from the 1960s and 2023- they listed $47,000 USD { again I am rounding down to the nearest thousand because I don't remember the specific to quote it} as the annual wage to survive in a household with a 65+ year old and homes cost around $400,000ish USD {which again rounding down because I don't remember if it's 449,999 or 449,000}

In my mind I consider making less than $47,000 the lower class cut off because,

1. You can't qualify to buy a house as easily if you're not in the 40k range, doubly under the US credit system and

2. fun horrifying fact, you gotta report 11 years to social security to get your full cut per month. If you don't qualify, they go by birth date and what is entitled to you on average if you pay taxes. My dad is applying this year and my mom has 9 years of receiving so I know wtf when I'm saying when I tell y'all a large portion of 65yr olds in the US get either 10k-22k a year (because no matter what $250-$300 will be put into a required medical insurance, regardless of whether one opts to use Medicare, or you'll be fined up to that amount yearly}. And that amount is barely enough to get by.

My dad and I earn, together, roughly 20k-30k a year + my mom getting her social security (she's on the $10k end unfortunately)- we barely got enough to pay our mortgage loan and I will, hopefully *knocks on wodd* inherit the home with less than 10k to owe. But what I got is not a universal experience and presently my dad and I are struggling to get food on the table, pay bills, and care for my mom since she has dementia. I'd argue the making $8k or less a year so you don't have to report taxes is a HUGE indicator of who's at poverty too. If you're renting with 2 other people and you all make 8k or less a year individually- yeah you're lower class as a unit but poor in the eyes of the government. At least one of you have to hit the $9k-$15k range to allow any of the 3 of you to take time off.

So living the under $47,000 a year experience for the majority of my life but especially having 0 adults making that amount since 2018 on their own to qualify as a living comfortably wage- $47,000 is the difference between just barely middle class and not. And with the cost of food and the US government not regulating businesses to avoid artificial inflation (tons of people are getting sued, being told not to turn into a monopoly, and investigated in the US food industry as I'm posting this) I expect that number to rise by the end of 2024 to $52k *aggressively knocks on wood* which I hope doesn't happen

Renting isn't "middle class" unless you got around $47k+ a year to start a savings account that isn't the spare change jar (at least from my experience- the highest my parents ever made was $45kish over 15 years ago and what AARP is reporting)

Ive noticed recently that my generation has... no concept of what the various economic classes actually are anymore. I talk to my friends and they genuinely say things like "at least i can afford a middle class lifestyle with this job because i dont need a roommate for my one bedroom apartment" and its like... oughh

You guys, middle class doesnt mean "a stable enough rented roof over your head," it means "a house you bought, a nice car or two, the ability to support a family, and take days off and vacations every year with income to spare for retirement savings and rainy days." If all you have is a rented apartment without a roommate and a used car, you're lower class. That's lower class.

And i cant help but wonder if this is why you get kids on tumblr lumping in doctors and actors into their "eat the rich" rhetoric: economic amnesia has blinded you to what the class divides actually are. The real middle class lifestyle has become so unattainable within a system that relies upon its existence that theyve convinced you that those who can still reach it are the elites while your extreme couponing to afford your groceries is the new normal.

[theemporium]

[17.2k] nico hischier didn't expect to go first overall. he didn't expect to become captain of the new jersey devils. he didn't expect to become a dad to twins. and he certainly didn't expect to fall in love with the twins' nanny.

series masterlist

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Becoming a father was one of the best things that ever happened to Nico Hischier. 

It was one of those things that he always knew would happen in his life, something that fit with his other aspirations. It wasn’t like hockey. Not when the chances of him going first overall and becoming captain and leading his team to playoffs seemed like a series of right choices made to go down the right path. 

Becoming a father was something he kind of expected to happen in his life one day, one of those things he always saw in his future but never thought too hard about. 

He just never expected it to happen the way it did. 

If he was being completely honest, he assumed somewhere amongst the hectic life of being a NHL player, he would meet someone and they would fall in love and all the milestones would be reached together: anniversaries, marriage, children. It was a sweet fantasy many people had and Nico was just another one on the list. 

The series of events that led towards Marlene and Otto Hischier becoming a part of his life were unconventional, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

He still remembered the day he met them, clearer than any other memory he had. Clearer than his draft day, his first NHL goal, the day he was awarded captaincy. 

The day he met his children stood out, a mix of chaos and stress and fear. But also love and adoration and a step into a new era of his life that he welcomed, even if he was thrown into the deep end with little to no preparation. 

Before the twins, the most experience he had with kids was the boys on the team who had children. On family skate days, at team bonding events, even the odd babysitting here and there to give the parents a break for a night. 

But having two newborns suddenly under his care was a hurdle Nico never considered he would have to jump in his life. 

All things considered, the timing had worked out. 

Off-season was around the corner, he had no plans to play for Worlds and he had a few months to settle into some form of routine whilst coming to terms with the fact he was a father. 

The days were long, the nights were longer but he made it. He was never really alone, not with the insane support system he had in his team and in his family. Whenever he felt like he was spiralling, there was someone there to hold his hand. 

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t shitting himself when preseason training came around again. 

He would be lying if he said his parents weren’t absolute saviours the first year of the twins’ lives, practically moving in as they followed him back to Jersey. 

It wasn’t easy, far from it. He couldn’t get rid of the fear that he was doing it all wrong, that he was going to somehow fuck up and ruin everything and not give his children the lives they deserved. He constantly felt on edge, wanting nothing more than to give them the best lives he could, the best childhood he could. 

Which led them to the twins’ belated second birthday party at his parents’ house in Switzerland, having what had been a recurring argument with his parents since the off-season started. 

“What was wrong with Mrs Holden?” 

Nico let out a sigh, already feeling a sense of deja vu washing over him. “She was too…traditional. She wouldn’t let Marley wear the blue dress she loves so much.” 

His mother hummed. “And that one that wanted to be a teacher, hm? Vanessa! She seemed sweet.” 

“Yes, until she started insisting my parenting skills were wrong because I wasn’t pushing the twins to learn their abc’s before they could say three words,” Nico scoffed under his breath, frowning as the memory of the woman repeated in his head. 

“And that nice boy, Felix? He was Swiss too!” Rino questioned. “The twins loved him.” 

“Yeah, and he loved telling people the twins were his kids too,” Nico deadpanned. 

“He said he was an uncle,” Rino corrected. 

“That doesn’t make it any better,” Nico muttered. 

“Fine then,” Katja sighed. “What about Olive? You liked her and she looked after the kids for months!” 

“Yes but,” Nico waved his hand in some incoherent gesture. “She wasn’t right for them.” 

“Nico,” Rino said in a heavy voice. 

“I know you think I’m being overprotective but I just want what’s best for them,” Nico insisted, his fingers lightly skimming over the side of the glass in front of him. “They are getting older and they are more impressionable. They need stability and I need someone I can trust will be a good influence on them.” 

“Yes but it’s been months of looking and you haven’t found anyone,” Rino pointed out. “Which is fine now, you have months until preseason starts. But it only gets harder the longer you leave it.”

Nico swallowed harshly. “I know, I know…”

“We know you care about them,” Katja spoke in a soft voice, reaching across the table to place her hand on his arm. “We get it. Trust me, we do. But the way you care about them is the way we care about you, and we are just worried about you being left to take care of the twins all by yourself when the season starts.” 

“I’ll find someone,” Nico said, and he hoped he sounded as determined as he did in his head. “It will be worth it. And they will be what the twins need.” 

Katja smiled, though it looked a bit sad. “We hope so.” 

“Where are the twins, anyways?” Rino questioned, steering the conversation away and giving Nico a chance to relax his shoulders. “I’m surprised they haven’t started demanding cake.” 

“Ah,” Nico smiled. “That’s because they are playing with—“

“TICKLE MONSTER IS GOING TO GET YOU!” 

“No!” 

“Yes!”

Nico’s grin widened even more as the sounds of his children’s giggles sounded through the house. “Tickle monster with Unkel Luca,” he finished eventually as the three of them raced into the room. 

Marley and Otto made a beeline for him, cheeks red and smiles wide as they jumped for his lap, screeching and squealing and laughing as they tugged on their father’s shirt. 

“Papa! Papa!” Marley giggled, hiding her face against his forearm as she clung onto him. “Unkel Luca is running!” 

“He’s running after you?” Nico asked, watching as both nodded quickly. He stole a glance at his older brother, watching as he stood there with an innocent smile before shaking his head fondly. “That’s not very nice of him, is it?”

“No,” Otto giggled. “Game, Papa, game!” 

“Oh, it’s a game,” Nico nodded in understanding. 

“Need to hide,” Marley explained, panting lightly. And then she blinked, big brown eyes staring up at him in a way that made him want to melt. “Help us?” 

Nico couldn’t help but sigh happily. “Yeah, baby, Papa will help.” 

He lifted the edge of the tablecloth high enough for the twins’ eyes to widen in delight at their new hiding place, both ducking their heads as they shuffled under the table and quickly planted themselves by their grandparents’ feet with high-pitched giggles. 

Luca grinned, waiting for Nico to drop the tablecloth before he let out an exaggerated sigh and placed his hands on his hips. “Oh no! Where did they go?” 

Nico could feel his heart melting even more when their giggles only got louder. 

Katja’s expression softened as she watched the way her youngest son slip into the role of a father so well. 

“You’ll find someone,” Katja nodded, smiling in a way only a mother looking at her child could. “And I’m sure they will be perfect for the twins.” 

Nico returned the smile, something quite like hope twisting in his stomach. 

…

June and July and August slipped away from him before he realised what was happening. 

He had taken the summer for granted, basking in life away from hockey and cameras and expectations. He was enjoying spending time with his kids and his family and his friends back home. He was enjoying living a normal, less-than-hectic life. 

Then all too soon, he was herding two hyperactive toddlers onto a plane back to Jersey with the overwhelming reality that he had done exactly what his parents warned him about and left everything far too last minute. 

“Papa?” 

He blinked, turning his head to find Otto slumped with his head on Nico’s thigh, blinking as he fought to keep his eyes open. 

“Uncle Jack come in car?” Otto questioned, something quite excited in his voice despite the exhaustion. 

“Yeah, Uncle Jack is picking us up,” Nico nodded with a smile as he reached to gently push his fingers through the young boy’s hair, watching as his eyes fluttered shut. “He’s excited to see you both.” 

Otto blinked. “Hugs?” 

Nico hummed, lightly scratching his scalp in the way that always made Otto sleepy—even as a baby. “Uncle Jack is going to give you so many hugs.” 

“Good,” Otto murmured before slumping back down against his thigh. 

Unsurprisingly, neither Otto nor Marley stayed awake by the time Jack arrived. It hadn’t stopped Jack from cooing and smiling and muttering a ‘finally back home’ before he helped Nico settle the twins into the car seats in the back. 

Nico hadn’t even realised how exhausted he was himself until he was settled in the passenger seat, his eyes closing as he let out a deep sigh. 

“So,” Jack begins. 

Nico let out a hum of acknowledgement. 

“I had lunch at Curtis’ the other day,” he continued, doing what he did best and beating around whatever point he wanted to make because he wanted to tell a story. 

“Is that so?” Nico muttered because he knew Jack and he knew the boy wouldn’t continue unless he played along. 

“He mentioned you were still looking for a nanny for the twins,” Jack said, his fingers aimlessly tapping against the wheel. “Said you asked him about any good agencies you could go through.” 

Nico slowly opened his eyes, turning his head to flash his friend a look. “Where are you going with this?” 

“Nothing,” Jack shrugged his shoulders. “Just wondering why you didn’t ask me too, you know?” 

Nico blinked. “Because Curtis has children, Jack.” 

“I could still find you a good babysitter,” Jack argued, his nose scrunching slightly. “You haven’t given me a chance.” 

“I don’t think I want to give you a chance,” Nico retorted. 

“Rude,” Jack huffed. “I’ll have you know, as the twins’ favourite uncle—” 

Nico made a small noise of disagreement (just to wind the younger boy up). 

Jack’s eyes narrowed. “As the twins’ favourite uncle,” he repeated a little more forcefully. “You gotta have a little faith that I would find someone suitable for the job.” 

Nico let out a deep sigh. “You already have someone in mind, don’t you?” 

Jack flashed him an innocent grin. “In my defence, Curtis had to listen to the fifteen possible candidates I found and narrowed it down to the one he would trust with his kids too.” 

And maybe it was the exhaustion. Or maybe it was the desperation. Or maybe—though he would never admit it to Jack for the sake of the boy’s ego getting bigger—he could trust Jack to know the kind of person Nico needed around the twins. 

And there was the added bonus he could say ‘I told you so’ if it went wrong. 

“Fine,” Nico said eventually. “I’ll check out your nanny.” 

…

“So, you’re going on a date?” 

“Stop calling it a date,” you grumbled into the phone as you walked down the street, brows furrowed as you read the names of the shops you passed. “It’s just an interview.” 

“Back in my day, a man took a lady to a coffee shop for a date. Interviews were in offices.” 

You rolled your eyes a little at your grandmother’s words. “Coffee shop dates aren’t a generational thing, people still do them.” 

“So you admit it’s a date?” 

“Once again, it’s an interview for a new job, Nana,” you said, a voice in the back of your mind reminding you to not give into the conversation. But it was too late. 

“Well, excuse me for just wanting my lovely granddaughter to find someone instead of working herself to the bone.” 

“Nana,” you said with a sigh. 

“You jump from family to family, I just want you to have the same thing, honey.” 

“I know,” you murmured, feeling a little guilty as the sincerity in her voice sounded through the phone. “When I go on that date, you’ll be the first to know.” 

“Actually, Bernice has this grandson—” 

“Bye, Nana!”

You winced a little at your phone, reminding yourself to visit her in the care home this weekend to make up for the phone call. And to bring those lemon bars she loved from the bakery down the road from you. It tended to soften her bad moods when you brought her sweet treats, and denying another one of her attempted blind dates was definitely going to put you in her bad books. 

But you pushed the thought away for now, straightening your back as you looked up at the sign above the cafe, double and triple checking it was the right place before walking in. Your eyes skimmed over the customers currently sat around the cafe, picking them apart until you paused on a man sitting alone, tucked away in the cosy book corner of the establishment. 

It was the white beanie on his head—the one he had mentioned he would be wearing—that confirmed to you he was the one you were meeting.

“Mr Hischier?” 

The man jumped a little, like his own name took him by surprise before he quickly schooled his features. Almost instinctively, he stood up from his seat before flashing you a polite and somewhat awkward smile. 

“Nico is fine,” he assured you before clearing his throat, gesturing towards the seat across from him. “Please, sit down. Can I get you anything?” 

“No, I’m fine,” you assured him, choosing to leave out the fact your heart was beating fast enough as it was. Caffeine wouldn’t help the interview jitters. “Just to make it clear from the start, your partner explained your situation and how the job might vary a bit from my previous schedules—” 

“Partner?” Nico repeated with a frown. 

“Yes, the one I spoke on the phone to originally for the job,” you said, keeping a polite smile on your face. “Uh, Jack, I believe his name was.” 

“I—” Nico’s face started to turn pink, a sheepish laugh escaping his lips. “No, Jack isn’t my partner. He is a close friend.” He paused before continuing. “Not close like that! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just mean, he is a very good friend of mine because we are also teammates. Who work together. On the same team.” 

“Right,” you murmured, your lips twitching upwards in amusement. “I’m sorry, usually it’s the parents calling up and he seemed to know so much about your kids so I assumed—”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Nico laughed, a little more relaxed than he was a few moments ago when you had walked into the cafe. “He really cares about the twins.”

Your smile softened a little. “From our short conversation, I could tell they mean a lot to him. And you do too, he seemed really persistent in finding the right person to help you out.” 

Nico nodded, but there was still a light blush on his cheeks. “It’s, uh, just me and the twins. The team helps out a lot but with our job, we travel a lot and the twins are getting older and I can’t always take them with me.” 

“You need someone who can provide them with structure and stability,” you guessed.

“Exactly,” Nico let out a short breath, his shoulders dropping a little. “I travel a lot. Sometimes gone for days at a time and I know that can be a lot—”

“Jack explained,” you assured him with a polite smile. “I’m aware of the arrangement, if that is what you’re worried about. It doesn’t put me off, especially with what Jack has told me. They seem like great kids.” 

“They are,” Nico said, beaming a little when he did.

You smiled, settling back against your seat. “Tell me more about them.”

…

Nico liked to think he was a good judge of character. 

And, though it would pain him to ever admit as much out loud, he couldn’t deny that Jack had made a great choice with you. It was overwhelming to think about but he should have never doubted Jack, not when the boy loved the twins almost as much as he did. Not when he and the others on the team treated the twins like they were family.

The boys had his back and that extended to his family too. 

After the initial interview, there was a little more back and forth between you and Nico, mostly discussing logistics and scheduling and further details. With preseason approaching, Nico preferred to have the twins established and comfortable with you before the regular season started and the long roadies began. 

And you were so cooperative, it honestly caught Nico off guard. It wasn’t like he expected you to make things difficult, but he had his fair share of babysitters and nannies who had made a point to be a bit hesitant about the schedule. 

It was refreshing to have someone on the same page as him. 

“Oh no, I wonder where they are hiding. I might never find them!”

Nico didn’t even bother to hide his smile as he stood in the middle of the living room, shaking his head fondly at the two pairs of legs peeking out from behind one of the couches. He had spent the last hour frantically cleaning the house for your arrival, wanting to make the best impression he could but the living room was a lost cause with a variety of kids' toys sprawled over the room.

With preseason starting soon, he was beginning to feel the heavy weight of the hockey season and his captain duties starting to settle in. But this was his biggest priority, his kids would always be his biggest priority. 

“I guess they don’t want me to meet our new fründ who was really excited to meet them,” Nico continued, letting out a theatrically loud sigh. 

It took seconds before Otto’s head popped up, eyes wide and curious. “New friend?” 

Nico smiled. “She is coming to meet you both today.”

“I want a new fründ!” Marley exclaimed as she popped up beside her brother, her grin matching his own and it made Nico’s chest tighten—in a good way, of course. 

“And what do we remember when we meet a new friend?” Nico asked, already crouching down as both twins ran towards him and happily tucked themselves into his arms.

“Be nice,” Otto said.

“Be kind,” Marley added.

“Good,” Nico praised, pressing quick kisses to both their cheeks as they giggled at the scratch of his beard against their skin. “Best behaviour, okay? This friend is going to be coming around a lot if you like her.”

Otto tilted his head. “Like the other friends?” 

Nico nodded. “Only if you like her.”

Because at the end of the day, that was what mattered most—that was what made him fire babysitters and nannies in the past. Credentials and first impressions only went so far compared to the opinion of his kids. He trusted their judgement. He wanted them happy and comfortable with the person who would be with them almost as much as he would be. He wanted the twins to choose their person too.

He knew his parents and even some of the guys on the team thought he was being picky, but Nico just thought he was being fair. His kids deserved to have someone they liked and trusted, he had a duty to find that person for them.

Even if their excitement was hidden by their own shyness and hesitancy when you finally rang the doorbell. 

“Hey,” Nico breathed out, smiling a little as he opened the door. “Come on in. The twins are excited to meet you.” 

“I’m excited to meet them,” you smiled back, stepping in and letting your eyes wander around the apartment. “Nice place.”

“Would you believe me if I said it’s never usually this clean?” Nico mused, trying to disperse the nerves bubbling in his chest.

“Potentially,” you retorted, still polite and lighthearted as your eyes continued to wander. 

“I appreciate the honesty,” Nico huffed out with a laugh, closing the door behind you before shifting his attention to the two toddlers who had now hidden themselves back behind the couch. “Otto, Marley, I thought you wanted to meet our new friend.” 

Your smile became less performative and more genuine as the two heads peeked from around the couch to stare at you curiously. They slowly wandered over, keeping close to Nico until they were practically hiding behind him with just enough visibility to keep watching you.

You crouched down, smiling softly as you offered them a wave. “Hi there, your dad has told me so much about you two.” 

Marley blinked before looking up at Nico, her little hands clinging onto the fabric of his jeans. “Papa?”

“It’s okay, baby, you can talk to her,” Nico assured, his thumb lightly smoothing over the back of her head as she tried to hide her face against his thigh.

It was Otto who tilted his head at you, looking more curious than anything. “Do you want to play mini sticks?” 

Nico watched your brows furrow with confusion but you kept a smile on your face. “I would love to! Is it okay if you teach me? I don’t think I have played before.”

Marley gasped, no longer bothered with hiding behind her father’s leg as she stepped around him. “You never play mini sticks before?”

You flashed her a sheepish smile. “I have never played any hockey before.” 

“We will teach you,” she said with a confident nod that made Nico grin.

“Watch out,” Nico commented, his words teasing but his gaze for his children adoring. “They are vicious. They are winners.”

“Just like Papa,” Otto confirmed with a nod of his head.

“We will teach you to win,” Marley said, also nodding her head.

You smiled at the two of them. “I can’t wait.” 

…

Over the next two weeks, Nico was pretty happy to report that his judge of character was, in fact, good. 

Despite his parents’ concern over leaving everything so last minute, the lead up to the preseason wasn’t as stressful as he imagined. As much as Jack joked about Nico being helicopter parent, he did tend to hover over the first few sessions just to make sure the twins were happy and content. 

Marley tended to take a little longer to warm up to new people, a little shy and cautious but still eager to make new friends. Otto was a little better but he tended to always look towards Nico when he needed to ask something, like a little confidence boost to make sure he wasn’t doing something he wasn’t meant to. And much to everyone’s amusement, they tended to be just as stubborn as he was. 

He just wanted to make sure they would be okay when he eventually left for training camp.

Nico was honestly a little dumbfounded just how much the twins liked you. Even more so at how quickly you seemed to pick up on their habits, on their personalities, on their quirks that most nannies had tried to change. 

He was glad the twins were happy but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little thrown off guard just how well you adapted to Otto and Marley.

One of the first times he really saw it was during a not-so-surprising morning tantrum from Otto who was being fussy and difficult and very, very loud. 

Nico had suspected he hadn’t slept well, and had his theory confirmed when the young boy started fussing and trying to wake his sister up in the early hours of the morning. Nico was already awake before his alarm went off, bleary eyed and exhausted and holding onto the guilt that the jet lag was still messing with the twins’ sleep schedule after being in Switzerland for the last few months.

You arrived at the apartment sometime just before eight in the morning, your face scrunched in sympathy as Nico opened the door—still dressed in whatever ratty sweatpants and thoroughly worn hoodie he threw on at five in the morning when there was barely any light in the room—looking like he kind of wanted his eardrums to burst already.

Nico opened his mouth, greetings and apologies ready to tumble out but you just shook your head with a sheepish smile.

“I get it,” was all you said before you slid into the apartment, closing the door before the screams could disturb the neighbours anymore than they already had. 

Nico had watched in a cloudy daze as you kneeled down on the floor beside the couch Otto had thrown himself over, your voice patient and soothing as you waited for him to lift his head before you finally reached out to lay a comforting hand on his back, like you wanted to make sure he saw you reach out first and make the decision on whether or not he wanted you to touch him. 

It took a while before he fully calmed down from the breakdown, still sniffly and red eyed by the time you coaxed the boy into enjoying some mini pancakes whilst some random cartoon played on the tv. 

Nico could only mutter his thanks so many times as he handed you a generously large mug of coffee.

And it continued like that over the introductory period. 

The twins started to pick up on the routine, and started to expect you in the house by the time they woke up. They started looking forward to you arriving, like a fun new step in their morning routine they welcomed far easier than they had with previous nannies. 

There were still moments where their eyes would look for him, look to their father to make sure he was still there and everything was okay. But the initial shyness disappeared, replaced with a familiarity they shared with few other people in their lives, like the team or family back in Switzerland. 

It made Nico feel a lot more settled by the time the preseason games came along. 

Nico had left the apartment during the twins’ afternoon nap, pressing two lingering kisses on their foreheads before he snuck out to head to the rink. He had been procrastinating, finding excuses to stay in the apartment until the last possible moment, clinging onto the last dregs of summer before the season truly started.

The game was as rough as one would expect after months without hockey. But it felt good. It felt even better when the final buzzer sounded through the Rock and the Devils came out the other end of their first preseason game of the year as the victors. It felt really good to have hockey back. 

And it felt even better to finally get back home to his kids. 

He knew it was past their bedtime and tried to tamper down his expectations, but it didn’t change the sense of relief that washed over him as he walked through the front door and let himself drop his bags by the entryway before walking further into the apartment. 

He was mildly surprised to find you sitting on the couch with the post game show on. 

He was even more surprised at the two sleeping figures curled up with their heads on your lap.

“Oh hey, you’re back.”

Nico stood a few feet away from the couch, staring at the scene in front of him with tired eyes. 

“Oh, right, sorry,” you laughed a little, an almost sleepy smile on your face as you looked down at the twins. “They insisted they wanted to watch the game and promptly passed out during the first break. But every time I tried to move them, they would get fussy and insist they were awake to watch you so I just let them doze off here.” 

Nico’s voice was soft when he spoke. “You let them watch?” 

You gave him a weird look. “Yeah? Was I not meant to? They really wanted to—” 

“No, it’s okay,” he assured you, a weird tightness in his chest as he wandered closer, his lips twitching when he saw Marley holding onto your ankle. “The other nannies usually sent them to bed. They didn’t want to sit and watch the games themselves.” 

“Well, I can’t say I knew what was going on,” you admitted sheepishly. “The twins tried explaining some of it to me but I have a feeling you don’t get penalties for nap times.” 

Nico snorted. “Jack told them once that if they get a penalty, they can take a nap in the box.” 

“Sounds like a fun rule,” you teased with a smile.

“Let me help you get them to bed,” Nico insisted as he leaned down, slowly and carefully picking Marley up into his arms.

“You sure?” You asked, even as you moved to pick Otto up without waking him. “You must be tired.”

“I’m fine,” Nico said, smiling a little. “It’s only the first game. Wait until we are halfway through the season.” 

“I may be strong but not strong enough to drag a two hundred pound hockey player to bed,” you told him, your smile widening as Nico let out a laugh—one he quickly had to muffle before he woke up the twins. 

“You might have to start increasing your bench press then.”

The tightness in his chest settled a little after you fondly rolled your eyes at him. It made the idea of the one day road trips on the preseason schedule a little easier to deal with. There were still a few more weeks before either of you had to deal with Nico being gone for longer roadies, but he didn’t fear the idea as much as he did.

…

“So.”

Nico let out a hum of acknowledgement, his eyes focused on the drill the third line was currently running. His lungs were still trying to recover from doing it himself a few minutes ago. 

“I was right about her, wasn’t I?” 

Nico blinked before he turned his head to look at the way Jack was leaning against his stick, a smug expression painted on his face. “What?” 

“The nanny,” Jack replied like it was obvious. “I was right about her, right? She’s perfect for the twins.” 

Nico resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Are you really trying to boast in the middle of practice?” 

“Yes,” Jack replied with no hesitation. 

“She is good,” Nico nodded because he wasn’t going to lie, even if said lie would stop Jack’s ego inflating. “The twins love her—” 

“More than me?” 

“Oh my god,” Nico groaned, shoving the boy away with a laugh.

“I’m serious, Nico, do they love her more than me? Because then you have to fire her.” 

Nico didn’t respond, just shaking his head before he skated towards where Jonas and Timo were standing a few feet away. 

“Nico, am I still their favourite?!” 

…

“So, what? You can just hit each other and no one says anything?” 

Nico laughed. “Basically.” 

“This sport feels barbaric,” you murmured, your focus on the vegetables you were currently dicing. It took you a few moments to process your own words before your head snapped up. “In a really cool way, obviously.” 

“It’s a part of the game,” Nico replied with a shrug. “And sometimes the fights are justified. Sometimes you are fighting for your teammate’s honour.” 

“How noble,” you teased. 

“Give it a few more games and it will be your favourite part of hockey,” Nico mused before his eyes briefly glanced over at the clock. 

His mother always liked to joke that if there was one thing that really assured the twins were his children, it was their napping abilities. It was almost impressive how quickly they could pass out, dead to the world and happy to stay that way for two or three hours. 

It rivalled the naps he took before games. 

“Okay, so hitting is allowed,” you commented, gently elbowing him out the way so you could pour the diced vegetables into the pan on the stove. “Otto said helmet kisses are essential. Is that true?” 

Nico’s grin widened. “Yeah, they are essential,” he nodded. “Like after a win or a good goal, it’s normal to just…bop your helmets together.” 

“Like gentle rhinos,” you mused. “Who would’ve thought hockey was such a cute and violent sport?” 

“You really didn’t know anything about it?” Nico questioned. He noticed the way you tended not to talk about yourself too much, nothing beyond the facts he could pick between random comments and conversations here and there. Mostly when he was listening to you talk to the twins. 

“We weren’t really a hockey family,” you admitted sheepishly. “Nana said she did have a baseball phase but only because she liked the way the boys looked in the uniforms.” 

Nico let out a surprised laugh. “She told you that?” 

“You’d understand if you met her,” you muttered, though it sounded fond rather than annoyed. “She’s shameless and crude and the most honest person you’ll ever meet.” 

“Think I could make her a hockey fan?” Nico asked, raising his brows. 

“She would probably love the violence,” you replied with a snort. “You might have a new coach on your hands.” 

“It would help you learn the game,” Nico teased. 

You let out a groan. “How was I supposed to know the twins were lying about the pancake rule?”

Nico pressed his lips together to hold back his laugh. “You really thought there was a rule called the pancake penalty?” 

“Well with the amount all of you fall on the ice over nothing, it wouldn’t surprise me,” you retorted. 

“Touché.”

…

Thankfully for Nico’s sanity, the season started with a string of home games. 

It helped to live in the delusion of summer a little longer. He would go to practices and go to games but he would always come home to his apartment at the end, come home to the twins and to you and to the little bubble the four of you had created over the last few weeks. 

And it was clear that the twins loved it too, loved having you around more than he had ever seen with any previous nanny. 

“GOAL!” 

You let out a cheer, lifting your arms up to mimic Otto before he rushed towards you and threw his arms around your neck. 

“We did it, we did it!” He continued to cheer, giggling away as Nico let out a playful groan from the mini net he had set up in the living room. 

“It’s okay, Papa,” Marley assured him, one hand placed on his cheek as she spoke to him. “You are not a good goalie but you are a good player!” 

Nico huffed out a laugh, pulling Marley close to him as she squealed. “I think we will leave Uncle Marky in the goals for now, yeah?” 

“Otto, honey, remember what we do after a game,” you reminded the young boy in a soft voice as he happily propped himself on your lap. 

“Be a good person,” he nodded before looking at his father with big eyes. “Good game. I like playing with you. I love you.” 

You grinned. “Perfect, honey.” 

Marley tilted her head. “Why do you say that?” 

You glanced up at her, raising your brows. “What?” 

“Honey,” Marley repeated, a crease forming between her brows as she looked between you and Nico. “I thought we eat honey.”

“We do,” you nodded. “But sometimes you call someone honey when you care about them. It’s like a nickname. My grandma calls me honey because she cares about me.”

Marley nodded like she understood.

“Does that mean we call you honey?” Otto asked, tilting his head back to look up at you. “We care about you.” 

Your lips twitched upwards. “Yeah, you can call me honey.” 

“It sounds funny,” Marley admitted with a giggle before turning back to Nico. “Papa, you have to say it too!” 

Nico nodded, his own smile widening when his daughter nodded in approval. “And do I get to call you honey?” 

“No,” Marley said with a shake of her head. “It’s Honey’s name now!” 

But before Nico could respond, Otto was back on his feet with a mini stick in one hand and the makeshift puck in the other. 

“Honey, we are the winners!” 

…

“On a scale from one to ten, how bad was the tantrum?” 

“Not bad actually,” Nico admitted as Jack settled into the free seat next to him. “I think the excitement of Honey having a three day sleepover with them took away from the fact I wouldn’t be there.” 

The bus fell silent. 

Jack looked far too smug.

Nico could feel his cheeks burning up.

Jonas turned around in his seat to look at him. “Honey?” 

“It’s not like that,” Nico rushed to explain but he had a feeling none of the boys were buying what he was saying. “The twins call her Honey and I don’t want to confuse them—”

“Uh huh,” Nate snorted. “Bud, those two are little Einsteins. There’s no way that would confuse them.” 

Nico’s cheeks burned hotter. 

“So, when’s the wedding?” Timo asked with a grin.

“Shut up,” Nico muttered out, taking the bundled up hoodie Jack had been using as a pillow to throw at the other man a few rows down.

“Hey!” Jack gaped. 

“It’s nothing, don’t make it weird,” Nico said to the group, choosing to pointedly ignore the murmurs and looks of disbelief. “She’s the twins’ nanny.”

Nico also chose to ignore the way Jonas muttered ‘liar’ under his breath in Swiss German.

…

The call rang through three times before you picked up.

It was barely dinner time in Colorado, most boys happy to get settled in their hotel rooms and enjoy the night off to relax and prepare for the early practice in the morning. But it gave Nico the perfect opportunity to check in back home, have some time on the phone before the twins’ bedtime. 

His stomach was twisted in knots like it usually was when he left the twins until the sight of all three of you popped up on his screen.

“Papa!” 

His grin widened at the excitement in his kids’ voices. He didn’t think he would ever get sick of that.

“Woah, where’s all this energy coming from?” Nico questioned, watching fondly as the twins instantly broke into giggles, turning back to look at you before turning their attention back to their father.

“Honey said we would have dessert if we were good,” Otto told him, still grinning.

“We had chocolate!” Marley exclaimed.

“Well, you both were very good today,” you said, propping your phone up on the coffee table before letting yourself sit back on the floor, both twins determined to sit on your lap. “Good kids get good rewards.”

“And chocolate is the best,” Nico added, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. “Especially if it’s Swiss chocolate.” 

“Swiss chocolate is the best because Swiss is the best,” Otto nodded.

“Switzerland, schätzli,” Nico corrected with a small huff of laughter. “The country is called Switzerland but the people and the things are Swiss.” 

“Oh,” Otto said before turning to look at you. “Honey, we are Swiss!” 

You laughed, nodding. “My favourite Swiss people.”

“Including Papa?” Marley asked.

“Of course,” you nodded, shooting Nico an amused look. “All three of you.”

The twins beamed in response. Nico felt the odd urge to do the same.

“Are you excited for your sleepover with Honey?” Nico asked, feeling a little smug when the twins did exactly what he assumed they would and instantly started babbling away about how they had spent their day since he left for the bus earlier that morning.

It was around an hour or so later—after Nico had stayed on the phone for a bedtime story because the twins insisted he needed to hear one too—that Nico found himself just looking at you over the phone as you shuffled around the living room, cleaning up the last of the twins’ toys.

“Thank you,” Nico found himself saying before he could second-guess himself.

You looked confused. “For what?”

“Just being here this season,” Nico confessed, a lot more going unspoken. 

He wanted to tell you that he had never felt so at ease about leaving his kids with someone as much as he did with you. He wanted to tell you that he had never seen his kids so happy and bubbly around someone that wasn’t his family or his team. He wanted to tell you that he never thought he would find the person that fit the unreachable standard he made in his head when he was looking for a nanny for the twins and you seemed to go above and beyond. 

He wanted to tell you a lot but it was late and he didn’t think a facetime call during his first proper roadie of the season was the time to confess any of it. 

“Of course,” you said with a smile that made his stomach twist—in a good way. “You gonna win tomorrow?” 

Nico chuckled. “We’ll try.”

“Good,” you grinned. “You’ll have your biggest fans rooting for you back home in Jersey.”

His mouth was moving before he could even process his own thoughts. “Does that include you?” 

But you laughed and something in him eased.

“Yeah, I think I’m starting to understand this whole hockey thing.”

Nico found his smile widening. “Good.” 

…

Nico felt like he blinked when suddenly the calendar was showing November. 

The pace of the season felt a lot faster than usual, and he was yet to work out if that was for better or for worse. But the team was feeling good, they had more wins than losses and—even if he wouldn’t say it out loud in fear of jinxing something before it happened—he had a really good feeling about this year’s team.

Even as the aches and pains and bruises that usually came after weeks of non-stop hockey started to return, Nico found himself really enjoying the season in a way he hadn’t really experienced in a while.

It felt good when everything was starting to click into place, even off the ice. 

“You’re doing it wrong!” 

Nico paused peeling the banana he was currently holding. “Wrong?” 

Otto nodded, pouting up at his father.

“You’re not doing it the Honey way,” Marley said, pressing herself against his thigh like she usually did when she was tired and barely awake and still a bit fussy from Nico waking her up.

“The Honey way?” Nico questioned, glancing down at the banana with a pensive look. He didn’t realise there were multiple ways to peel and cut a banana. 

“She makes the best!” Otto insisted. 

Nico let out a sigh as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of both of their heads. “How about you both go wait on the couch and I’ll call Honey so we can make breakfast the Honey way?” 

“Call?” Marley repeated, blinking up at him. “I wanna talk to Honey!” 

“Me too!” 

“It’s Honey’s day off,” Nico reminded his children in a soft voice. “We don’t want to disturb her when she is busy, yes?” 

His heart clenched at the way the twins both deflated. 

“Okay, Papa.” 

He didn’t get the chance to say much else before they rushed off into the other room, leaving him feeling sluggish and far too on edge as he reached for his phone, pressing your contact before he could let himself spiral over his children’s dejected faces. 

“Hey, is everything okay? Are the twins okay? Are you okay?” 

“I—” Nico blinked, taking a few moments to really process the words you blurted out the second the call connected. “Yeah, everything is okay. Sorry to call you on your day off.” 

“It’s okay. I really don’t mind.”

“I don’t want to keep you long,” Nico started, staring down at the bananas on the counter in front of him with a frown. “Just wanted to know how you make banana pancakes the Honey way.” 

“The Honey way?” 

“The twins seem insistent that it’s the only way to make them,” Nico nodded, even though you couldn’t see him. “Apparently I’m cutting the bananas wrong?” 

His chest tightened even more at the sound of your laugh. 

“You have to mash them in Marley’s Spiderman bowl,” you said, and even if he couldn’t see you, he swore you were smiling too. “It makes them taste better, apparently. Helps them be big and strong for the rest of the day like a real superhero.” 

“Of course,” Nico huffed out a laugh, already moving to the cupboard where the bowl was kept. “Thanks. And sorry for bothering you again.” 

“It’s really no worries. I was just heading over to visit Nana anyways. She won’t mind if I’m a few minutes late.” 

“Say hi from me?” 

“Of course.” 

“Bye, Honey.”

“See you tomorrow, Nico.”

…

“Oh, he’s pretty.” 

“Nana!” 

“What?” The older woman exclaimed, waving you off. “I am just calling it as it is. And he’s a pretty boy. Nice smile. Nicer body–”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, lightly smacking her arm as Bernice from the other table looked over with a bitter look. “Keep your voice low.”

“Ignore her,” Nana commented offhandedly as she reached for her teacup. “She is just bitter because I said you were too pretty for her grandson.”

“How are you the same woman who scolded me about manners?” You grumbled under your breath, letting out a small hiss when she pinched your side.

“I am not saying anything wrong,” Nana insisted. “You’re a pretty girl who deserves a handsome man. Bernice’s grandson is not that man. This one though—” 

“He’s my boss.” 

“You say that like it’s an issue.” 

You blinked. “It is.”

“Youths these days,” Nana huffed before she leaned back in her armchair. “Fine, forget the pretty European man. Tell me, are the kids better than those brats you watched in Manhattan?” 

“They weren’t that bad,” you tried to start but the look you got in response made you wince. “Okay, the Smythe’s weren’t the best. But, Nana, these kids are…perfect. The cutest kids ever, and you wouldn’t believe how smart they are.”

“You’re happy here, yes?” Nana asked, something a little more serious in her voice. “Because I don’t want you working somewhere for the sake of it if you aren’t—”

“I’m happy, I promise,” you assured her with a softer smile, placing your hand over hers. “They are a good family.” 

“As long as they are taking care of you,” she insisted.

“They are,” you promised.

Nana hummed. “Could also let that boss of yours take care of you in other ways—”

Your cheeks burned. “Nana!” 

“He has dimples, honey! Dimples!” 

“I thought you called me here to tell me the bingo gossip.” 

“Oh, you would not believe the stunt Janice pulled—”

…

“Quick, Honey, quick!”

You grinned as you walked through the door, barely letting it shut behind you before you were crowded by two little humans. It was barely eight in the morning and you felt far from being human yourself, but the sight of both twins smiling up at you like they were waiting to jump on you the moment you walked through the door made it easy to forget the fact the sun had barely peeked through the clouds outside.

“I’m here, I’m here,” you sang back, trying to take your jacket off and hug the twins back the best you could all at once. “You two are very hyper this morning.” 

“We are going to the park with Uncle Jack!” Otto said excitedly, his chin digging into your thigh as he looked up at you.

You raised your brows in surprise. “We are?” 

“Yeah,” Nico appeared from the kitchen, a sheepish expression on his face. “I meant to message you last night to come over later but I forgot.” 

“I can leave—” You started but a small whine cut you off.

“But we are going to the park with Uncle Jack,” Marley pouted. “You can’t leave!” 

“Marley,” Nico quickly moved to kneel beside his daughter. “Honey will come back later. But she doesn’t have to—”

“But Uncle Jack said we were all going to the park,” Otto frowned, looking between you and Nico with a wounded expression. 

“Then we are all going,” you promised as you kneeled down too, giving the twins a smile.

Nico looked over their heads, giving you a grateful smile. “You really don’t have to.” 

“Nonsense,” you waved him off. “It’ll be fun.” 

“Jack is basically a third kid,” Nico warned you, though his voice was playful.

“Good thing you’re not gonna have to deal with them alone,” you retorted, feeling a little more awake when he grinned back at you. 

…

“TAG, YOU’RE IT!” 

Nico beamed as he watched the twins running down the path, giggling and screaming as Jack chased after them. They were both bundled up, not causing as much of a fuss about the hats and gloves you coaxed them into wearing before they left the house. It probably had something to do with the twins being more excited about you meeting Jack than focusing on the extra layers.

“They really like him,” you commented, your arm lightly brushing against his as you walked side by side.

“He was there from day one,” Nico said, sounding nostalgic. “He’s probably one of their favourite people in this world.”

“And he loves them just as much,” you noted. “That much was clear from the questions he asked in the initial interview.” 

Nico laughed, turning to glance at you. “Oh god, I don’t think I ever asked what he asked you.” 

“A lot of hypotheticals,” you responded. “They started off normal, like what if they both wanted an apple but there was only one left or if they wanted to go to the park on a rainy day. Then they got progressively more unrealistic.” 

Nico’s eyes were still on you. “Like what?” 

“I think there was one about how I would protect the twins if the city was taken over by vampires,” you mused.

“And how would you?” Nico questioned, his voice serious but the expression on his face was lighthearted and teasing.

“Hunt the vampires, obviously.” 

Nico let out a loud but sudden laugh. “Yeah?” 

“I’ve watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” you insisted, trying and failing to keep a serious face. “What more research do you need?” 

“They wouldn’t know what’s coming for them,” Nico added, lightly nudging his arm against yours and silently being pleased when you didn’t move away from the touch. 

“Don’t underestimate me, Hischier,” you grinned, your eyes gleaming. “I may not be any good at mini sticks but I have other skills you couldn’t even begin to comprehend.” 

Nico could only shake his head fondly in response. 

“HEY, LOVEBIRDS, YOU’RE THE NEW CATCHERS!” Jack called out, each hand held by one of the twins as they all giggled. 

Nico liked to believe his cheeks were pink because of the cold weather, no other reason.

…

By the time December came along, Nico had forgotten all about how stressed and helpless he had felt that summer when everyone bugged him about hiring a nanny for the twins. 

Thankfully, his mother had not. She tended to remind him every time they spoke on the phone, in a passing but teasing comment here or there slipped into the conversation. But she did enjoy reminding him whenever the topic of you and the twins came up.

This time was no different.

“It looks like your stubbornness paid off.” 

Nico rolled his eyes, only to feel guilty by the action a few moments later even if his mother couldn’t see him right now. “I told you I would find the perfect person for the twins.” 

“And is she? Perfect for the twins?” 

“She gets them,” Nico said like that explained it all, and it did. Because even though the past nannies he had hired were good and treated the twins well when they cared for them, there was something about you that just clicked with the twins.

You didn’t just treat them like children. They were two humans in your mind, who had their own likes and dislikes and personalities, and you just seemed to understand them almost as well as Nico did. He knew from day one that the twins would constantly be placed together, that there would be many assumptions made of the two of them being the same because they were twins. But you had never treated them as such. 

It was different to past nannies who enjoyed the job but were ultimately there for the paycheck. Sometimes, it felt like you were really there for the twins. 

It settled something inside him that Nico had no idea he wanted until he met you, until he saw how you cared for his children. 

“Good,” his mother hummed, and he could almost imagine the way she was nodding as she spoke. “So we will see her at Christmas?” 

“I—“ Nico quickly cut himself off, focusing on keeping his car from jerking into the other lane. “No? I don’t know? I can’t expect her to work on Christmas—”

“She’s a part of the family, Nico.” 

“You haven’t even met her,” Nico found himself saying, which was true. Beyond a few waves and general greetings in the back of some FaceTime calls, none of his family had met you. 

But there was a voice in the back of his head that really wanted to change that. 

“Yes, but you care for her and so do the twins. And she cares for you three too. In my eyes, she’s a part of the family.” 

His chest tightened at his mother’s words. 

“I’ll ask her,” he found himself saying before he could stop himself. “But no promises.” 

…

If there was one thing you could always rely on, it was the shitty winter weather in New Jersey. 

The sky felt permanently grey over the last few days, dark clouds and overcast hovering over the state like a threat of the weather soon to come. The temperatures dropped and the forecasts of snow and sleet and rain started to trickle through the radio stations as you drove to and from Nico’s place and your own apartment. 

You thought it would be a nuisance at most.

As it would have it, you would be eating your own words mere days later when the snow only got heavier during the day and you were starting to wonder when experts could officially name it a blizzard. 

“Will the plane drivers still be allowed to fly the planes?” Otto asked, sleepy and sluggish as he fought the urge to finally close his eyes the second you finished their bedtime story. 

“The pilots will still be able to fly their planes,” you assured the young boy, pushing his curls away from his face. “Don’t worry, okay? They will be here for Christmas. You know how I know that?” 

Otto blinked slowly. “How?” 

“Because Santa will make sure your family are here for Christmas,” you whispered, watching as the boy grinned up at you.

“Santa will bring them?” 

“If he must,” you nodded, slowly pushing yourself to stand up. “But only if you’re good and go to sleep like your sister.”

Otto briefly turned his head to look at Marley—who was already fast asleep, cheek pressed against her pillow and small puffs of air leaving her mouth—before nodding to you. “I will sleep. Goodnight, Honey. Forehead kiss, please.”

“Goodnight, bud,” you grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead and then Marley’s before you made your way to the door. 

You slowly shut the door behind you, knowing full well that Otto would be out like a light in a few minutes. But you didn’t want to test your luck, trying to keep yourself from making too much noise as you made your way into the living room.

Nico was already sitting on the couch, a few storage boxes sprawled around him. He looked as though he was lost in his own head, a scrapbook sat on his lap that he slowly flipped through with a fond smile on his face.

“Reminiscing?” 

His head snapped up, a light blush on his cheeks from getting caught but the smile remained on his face. “Uh, yeah,” he admitted, his voice low and soft. “Nina said she wanted to add some pages with photos from the summer so I was just digging it out.”

You raised your brows. “May I?” 

“Please,” Nico insisted, patting the spot next to him and laying the scrapbook over your lap too. “She started it the first summer I took the twins to Switzerland. I would do it myself but she is far better at this stuff than I am.”

“Is this them as newborns?” You asked, your heart melting at the photos of the twins as babies as you flipped to the start of the scrapbook. “Oh my god, they were the cutest lil’ things ever.”

“Still are,” Nico answered proudly, puffing his chest a little.

“They are,” you nodded in agreement, your fingers lightly skimming over the photos before your eyes caught one of Nico fast asleep on the ground beside the twins’ crib, a Devils branded blanket thrown over him. “Oh wow.”

Nico’s cheeks darkened but his smile seemed softer. “They were only a few weeks old and I had no idea what I was doing. I think I was running on two, maybe three hours of sleep there. Jack took that photo, said it was funny seeing all three Hischiers down for a nap.” There was a small pause before he continued. “Jack took most of these photos in the first few weeks.” 

You turned to look at him instead of the scrapbook. “Yeah?” 

“Oh yeah,” Nico nodded. “I was a total mess the first few weeks, couldn’t even begin to consider picking up my phone to capture the moment. But Jack knew I would regret it after, took it upon himself to try and capture as many early memories as he could.” 

“Nothing can really prepare you for parenthood,” you said, lightly nudging your shoulder against his. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.” 

“It’s harder to be prepared when you had no idea you were even having kids,” Nico added, but the joking tone fell flat. “Sorry, I didn’t—”

“I mean,” you started, a sheepish smile on your face. “It’s none of my business and you don’t have to say anything but—”

“But you’re curious?” Nico finished. 

You nodded. 

“It was a one night stand,” Nico admitted, his shoulders dropping a little. “She didn’t tell me anything. I didn’t even know she was pregnant. I think she thought she would be fine by herself but…things changed.” 

You didn’t say anything, letting the boy get the story out but you did rest your hand on his arm, hoping the small touch would be comforting enough.

“I think we were a few games away from finishing the season,” Nico continued. “It was clear the Devils weren’t making the playoffs and I honestly wanted nothing more than to get on a plane and fly out to Switzerland to deal with the disappointing season back home. Then, child services were getting in touch and showing up at my door with these two babies and telling me they were mine and—” 

He let out a shuddering breath.

“She left me a letter,” he murmured. “Saying she was sorry for not reaching out sooner. Saying she didn’t want any parental rights, that I had full custody. Saying that she hoped I wouldn’t judge her for wanting to keep living her life, to not let kids hold her back.” 

You squeezed his arm. 

“I was a wreck,” Nico confessed, almost sounding remorseful. “Jack came over because we were meant to drive to the rink together for practice and I just…broke down. I don’t even know what happened in those first few hours, it was all a blur to me. I didn’t know the first thing about being a dad, let alone to twins and neither did he. But he stayed and he helped, because that’s the kind of friend he is.”

You smiled softly. 

“His mother, Ellen, was actually a huge lifesaver,” Nico said, his lips twitching upwards like he was remembering a fond memory. “She was already in Jersey for a few games but Jack called her, explained everything that was happening and she helped, at least until my own parents could fly out. That summer was…a mess. That whole year was but I wouldn’t have been able to do it without any of them.”

“You have a really good team behind you, Nico,” you said, the strongest urge to speak in a whisper and keep your voice low so you wouldn’t ruin the moment. “Both on and off the ice.” 

“I do,” Nico gave you a genuine smile. “You’re a part of that team too.” 

You returned the smile. “I am.” 

“Uh,” Nico cleared his throat. “About that.”

You raised your brows in questioning. 

“If you don’t have any other plans, you’re invited here to join us for Christmas,” Nico said, choosing to leave out the fact his mother had been insisting you join in every phone call he has had with her. “I know the twins would love to have you here and…so would I.” 

“Aren’t your family flying in?” You asked, a crease forming between your brows. “I wouldn’t want to impose—”

“You’re not,” Nico insisted. “We want you there. I want you there.” 

“I’m visiting Nana in the morning but I could come after,” you said, something twisting in your stomach at the way his face brightened. 

“Yeah, perfect,” he nodded, smiling broadly. “You’ll get to experience a proper Hischier Christmas.” 

“Should I be worried?” 

“Maybe.”

You opened your mouth, a teasing reply on the tip of your tongue when the moment was broken by a deep, booming gust of wind howling and hitting against the windows of the apartment complex. It snapped the soft, whispering atmosphere as the reality of the worsening weather outside hit you.

“Fuck,” you murmured, watching as the flurry of snow rushed down. “I should probably head back before the roads get worse.”

Nico turned to look through the window, frowning. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to drive so late?”

You shrugged. “I’ll go slow.”

His frown deepened.

“It will be fine,” you tried to assure him but Nico was already shaking his head.

“Nonsense,” he said, turning back to look at you. “You can stay in the spare room. I can give you some stuff to sleep in too. That weather isn’t safe to drive in, especially this late.” 

Your instant reaction was to reject the offer but you spotted the look on his face, the genuine fear and concern written so blatantly in his expression and you found yourself nodding instead.

“If you are sure,” you said with a nod.

“I’m sure,” he nodded, his lips twitching as he stood up from the couch. “Plus, the twins will be so excited to see you in the morning.”

And he was correct. The twins were crawling into the guest bed beside you before the sun had properly risen the second they caught wind of you staying over for the night.

…

“Meeting the family, huh?”

“Nana,” you groaned, ignoring the happy cackle she let out as you bundled up the scarf you were wearing moments ago and threw it in her direction. “It’s not like that.”

“But it should be like that,” Nana insisted with a wistful sigh. “What is taking this man so long? Look at you!” 

“Maybe because he is professional and only sees me as the caretaker of his children,” you deadpanned. “You know, that job he hired me for?” 

“Bah!” Nana waved you off, shaking her head. “I want his eyes checked. You’re a catch, honey.” 

“You are so dramatic,” you murmured under your breath, but there was something quite fond in your voice. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don’t want a relationship right now?” 

“No,” Nana replied bluntly. “Because you would never deprive your sweet grandmother of seeing her favourite grandchild finally find love before she kicks the bucket.”

“Sweet is not the word I would use,” you retorted, just managing to miss her fingers pinching your side. “Hey, that’s not very festive!”

“Yes, yes, Merry Christmas and all that,” Nana said as she leaned forward, taking your face in her hands as she pressed a kiss to your cheek. “Now, tell me your present to me is a ring that hot European boss of yours gave you.” 

You could feel your face heating up. “Nana!”

“I will also take a scarf, I’m not picky.”

…

If there was any doubt in your mind before (which there was not), spending Christmas with the Hischiers confirmed they were, in fact, the nicest family you had ever met. 

You had spent the last few months with Nico and the twins, knew their mannerisms and their personalities and the way they lived their lives. You had also nannied for many families before them and you knew what a draw of luck it was to score a job with a family as sweet and wholesome as them.

You just never expected the whole family to be like that. 

From the second you walked through the door, it was clear that that was just the way the Hischiers lived their lives.

Katja had you in a hug before you could even take your jacket off, squeezing you close and tight as she murmured something about how well you were taking care of her baby and her grandbabies. Rino had a glass of wine and a plate of finger foods in your hand before you could even think about your rumbling stomach. Even Nina and Luca had taken it upon themselves to take the seats beside you on the living room couch, happy to talk away like you had always been a part of the family.

It was heartwarming and overwhelming in the best way possible, but you were pretty sure that was just the Hischier effect.

“I wanna give Honey her present next!” Marley exclaimed, wiggling out of Rino’s arms as she rushed towards her father with an excited smile. “Please, Papa?” 

“Me too! Me too!” Otto called out, perking up from his spot on Nico’s lap.

“Here you both go,” Nico grinned, almost looking mischievous as he handed them both a wrapped present each. 

“Oh, for me?” You gasped as they rushed over to you, both presents extended out to you as they gripped them with their little hands. “You didn’t have to.”

“Yes, we do,” Marley said with a nod. “It’s Christmas!”

Your lips twitched upwards at their giggles as you carefully unwrapped the presents as quickly as you could, sensing their own childish impatience. Your surprise became a little more genuine and honest when you saw the gifts laid out on your lap. 

There were two separate sweaters—which were sweet and considerate in their own right, and undoubtedly chosen by Nico—but your focus was on the two framed photos underneath the sweaters. Each had been drawn by one of the twins, different versions of one of the many days you three and Nico had spent together.

“Honey?” 

You sniffled a little, looking up to find both twins standing in front of you with little frowns on their faces. “Thank you, both of you,” you said as sincerely as you could. “This is the best present I have ever gotten.”

“But you’re crying,” Otto pointed out with a frown.

“Do you not like it?” Marley asked, nervously playing with the hem of her dress. 

“No, no, I love it,” you quickly reassured the twins, carefully moving the gifts to the side as you pulled them both into a hug. “They are happy tears! Sometimes when you feel really happy, you can cry too. It’s not a bad thing.”

Otto looked up at you. “Happy tears?” 

“Happy tears,” you confirmed with a nod.

“We like happy tears?” Marley asked.

“We do,” you promised before leaning down to peck them both on the forehead. “Thank you for the presents and the happy tears.” 

Both of the twins beamed, leaning up to press their own kisses to either one of your cheeks before they turned to look at their father. 

“Papa, you’re next!”

Nico’s gaze was already on the three of you, soft and fond, before he snapped out of his own daze. He looked a little embarrassed as he reached for a box, letting Otto and Marley happily carry it back to you. “I don’t think I can compete with the twins but…Merry Christmas.”

You had barely ripped through the wrapping paper before the twins were squealing happily, their little hands helping remove the rest of the wrapping before pushing your present towards you.

“Honey has a jersey!” 

“My own jersey?” Your smile widened as you lifted the red jersey, grinning at the Devils logo and the number thirteen on the sleeves. 

“Your own lucky jersey,” Nico corrected, grinning back.

“Just like us!” Otto gasped happily. 

“Just like you,” you laughed, turning the jersey to find ‘HISCHIER’ printed across the back. You dropped the jersey to your lap as your eyes found Nico again. “Thank you, Nico.”

“And selfishly,” he started as he leaned over to hand you an envelope. “I am hoping the jersey will tempt you to accept this gift too.”

You shot him a confused look but accepted the envelope, quickly tearing it open and pulling out the contents to find two tickets. “Game day tickets?”

“Only fair that the new hockey fan gets to experience a game in person,” Nico beamed. “And there’s a second ticket for Nana too, if she wants to come.” 

“You seem so sure she will support the Devils,” you teased, swallowing the emotion that laid thick in the back of your throat at the idea of him including Nana in your gift.

“I got her a jersey too,” Nico retorted, looking far too pleased with himself. 

You could have sworn Luca muttered something like ‘ass kisser’ under his breath but you weren’t too sure. The slap on the back of the head from Katja was telling though.

“Thank you,” you repeated, softer than before. For a moment, you almost swore Nico was blushing in response.

“Merry Christmas, Honey.”

…

“Tell me you and Honey got caught under some mistletoe and finally admitted your feelings for each other.”

Nico let out a heavy sigh, taking a long sip of his coffee as Jack settled into the passenger seat. “Good morning to you too.” 

“So that’s a no,” Jack huffed, shaking his head. 

“Told you so,” Luke spoke up as he climbed into the backseat, for once in his life looking awake at seven in the morning. “You owe me twenty bucks.”

“Shut up,” Jack grumbled. “God, Hisch, you had one fucking job.”

Nico’s brows furrowed together. “I did?” 

“Oh my god,” Jack groaned, leaning his head back against the rest. “It’s been ages. How much longer are you going to drag this out?”

“You are saying too many words,” Nico replied bluntly before he pulled away, letting muscle memory mostly take over as he began driving towards the rink.

“This is to spite me,” Jack insisted. “I find you a nanny who is perfect for the job AND for you, and this is how you repay me?” 

“What?” Nico muttered. “Jack, I swear to god if this is the girlfriend thing again—”

“It is!” 

“—I have other things to prioritise right now,” Nico insisted. “And Honey doesn’t feel that way. Our…relationship isn’t like that.” 

Jack gave him a deadpan stare. “You’re shitting me, right? You’re just trying to wind me up, right?” 

“I’m telling Timo to pick you up tomorrow if this is how you are going to act,” Nico muttered as he reached for his coffee cup again.

“I would wake up for morning skates way easier if I got this entertainment every time,” Luke commented from the backseat, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Shut up, Luke,” they both replied at the same time.

��

“You’re joking!” 

“I’m not!” 

“Oh my god,” you laughed, shaking your head as you turned to look at the boy in utter disbelief. “Nico, how could you—”

“I don’t know!” Nico groaned, even if he was smiling. “I just kinda…forgot English? And then I panicked and just found myself nodding before I even realised what I was agreeing to.” 

It was a cold January day when the four of you found yourselves in the park once again. The twins seemed to have more energy than usual the second they woke up that morning. They were bouncing off the walls, barely able to sit still during breakfast before they were begging to get out of the house. And after a less than satisfactory start to the season in the new year, Nico was also eager to get out and away from anything hockey related and have a day out at the park.

“So, how was it?” You questioned, nudging your shoulder against his.

“Smelly,” Nico confessed with his nose scrunched up. “I mean, the equipment team loved me for the rest of my time there but…I would not recommend volunteering to clean hockey gear after a long tournament.” 

“Gross,” you agreed.

“It prepared me pretty nicely for changing nappies though,” Nico admitted with a laugh. “I guess nothing can be worse than a hockey locker room.”

“Surely you’re used to it by now,” you pointed out.

“Yeah but doesn’t mean a break every once in a while isn’t nice,” Nico retorted, his eyes wandering over to where Otto and Marley were currently attempting to climb up the slide. “February can’t come soon enough.” 

You looked surprised by his words. “You get a break in February?” 

“All Stars,” Nico explained with a nod. “A few people get picked but everyone else gets a free week off to go somewhere hot and relaxing before the runup to playoffs.” 

You lightly elbowed him. “Come on, Captain, surely you were picked.” 

His cheeks burned a little but he shook his head. “Nope, I’m free this year.” 

“Big plans?” You questioned. 

“I wanted to do something for the twins' birthday,” he confessed. “Obviously, we will celebrate on the actual day but there’s going to be so much around hockey and playoffs and I just…I want them to have a proper celebration, even if it’s a little early and even if we do another one in Switzerland with my family.”

Your face softened. “That would be nice.” 

“So,” Nico wiggled his brows. “Got any ideas where we could go?” 

You tilted your head. “We?” 

“What? You thought it was just going to be me and the twins?” Nico grinned, shaking his head and nudging you back with his shoulder. “We are a team now, Honey. The four of us.”

His words made butterflies erupt in your stomach but you quickly pushed that feeling away, focusing on the boy beside you on the bench instead. 

“Well, in that case, I think Mexico is calling our name.” 

Nico only beamed in response. “I was thinking the same.”

…

“You know, your grandfather never took me to Mexico.”

You tore your eyes away from the hand of cards you were dealt, instead glancing at Nana who sat on the opposite side of the table with a certain look on her face. You couldn’t quite work out whether or not it meant trouble.

“He isn’t taking me to Mexico for the hell of it,” you reminded your grandmother, taking another card from the deck with a frown. “I’m just technically doing my job internationally.” 

Nana shot you a look over her cards. “You were meant to be the smart grandchild.”

You frowned. “Hey, rude.”

“Honey, one day it will hit you and I just pray that day happens in my lifetime,” Nana said, sounding wistful as she glanced down at her cards again. “Got any two’s?” 

“No, go fish,” you murmured before giving her a pensive look. “You really think it means something that he is taking me to Mexico with the twins for a holiday?” 

“Is he paying for your ticket?” 

“Yes,” you grumbled. “I insisted but—”

“Then, it means something,” Nana shrugged like it was obvious. “And if you share a hotel room, you owe me lunch at that nice deli.” 

Your cheeks burned. “Nana!” 

“Don’t be such a prude,” she waved you off. “Now, hurry up before this game bites into my afternoon nap. I’m already feeling sleepy.” 

You rolled your eyes before you asked for any three’s, even if your mind was preoccupied with three other people at that moment.

…

“You did well at All Stars, that second goal was a beauty.” 

“You’re killing me here.” 

Nico frowned. “Most people say thank you after a compliment.”

There was a buzz in the locker room that wasn’t there before the break. It was like reality was starting to sink in, the final run of regular season games ahead before playoffs had people itching to get back on the ice and prove themselves. The Devils have had quite a hot and cold season but Nico believes in his group, he knows they want this just as much as he does. 

Everyone was walking into the locker room with a kick of motivation to show the other teams in the league just what damage they could do on the ice.

Everyone minus Jack who seemed annoyed at Nico, despite only being in his presence for thirty seconds. 

“Dude,” Jack shot him a look. “Spill about the family holiday! Did you tell her? Did you make a move? Do I need to plan a wedding?” 

“I–” Nico felt his heart stutter a little. “What? Jack, no, nothing happened.” 

Jack blinked. “What?” 

Nico paused. “What do you mean, what?” 

“Nico,” Jack took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut as the rest of the locker room fell silent. “Let me get this straight. You go on vacation to Mexico with your kids and the girl who you definitely have feelings for despite what you tell us and…you do nothing?”

“Yes?” 

“This is torture,” Jack muttered in utter disbelief, shaking his head. “You are beyond help.” 

“Jack—” 

“Fucking Mexico and you don’t make a move?” 

“Well—” 

“I’m overruling your captain title,” Jack interrupted, shaking his head. “You’re doing bag skates today.”

Nico blinked. “You can’t do that.” 

“Well, I just did and Sheldon would agree with me,” Jack said in a know-it-all voice before he turned on his heel to head back to his stall.

Theatrics aside, Nico did spend the rest of the practice silently wondering if Jack had a point. He was too tired to keep lying to himself, at least. He knew whatever he felt for you was beyond platonic and professional, but that didn’t change the fact he was sure those feelings weren’t returned.

The two of you had a good thing going and Nico was not about to ruin that over the fact his heart sped up every time he thought about you.

It was a fleeting crush, he told himself. A fleeting crush on someone who was intertwined with his life and his kids’ life. It was just misplaced gratitude that he was reading into. That was all. He was sure of it.

…

“Honey?” 

You turned away from the tv, glancing down to your lap to find Otto’s big eyes already staring up at you. “Yes?” 

“You are going to stay with us, right?” Otto asked, his words completely catching you off guard and leaving your chest uncomfortably tight. Suddenly, the game was the last thing on your mind. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, your brows furrowing as you tried to decipher his words. 

Otto shrugged, suddenly looking down at his own hands rather than you. 

You turned to find Marley looking just as downcast and it instantly made the hair on the back of your neck turn up. You reached over for the remote, neither of the twins awfully bothered when you muted the commentary before your full focus was on them. 

“Is there something you want to tell me?” You asked, urging yourself to remain calm and cautious, to not instantly freak out to the worst case scenario. 

“All our friends leave,” Otto eventually muttered out, a frown on his face that made him look so much like Nico in those postgame interviews you had watched. “Papa says they will stay if we like them but then they go.” He paused before he lifted his head back to look at you. “I don’t want you to go, Honey.” 

And if that wasn’t heartbreaking, you didn’t know what was. 

Nico had told you briefly about some of the past nannies he had hired for the twins. The twins had liked a majority of them, had kept asking questions about where they had gone and if they were coming back. 

And you knew it was hard. It was hard to explain things to kids who couldn’t fully comprehend what was happening, who couldn’t understand their father’s decision to fire the previous nannies. 

But it also meant that their young minds were left to fill the blanks. 

“Oh, baby,” you shook your head, trying your best to give them both the most reassuring smile you could. “That has nothing to do with the two of you, I promise. You two are the best people ever. Your other friends had to leave for another reason—big adult things.”

Marley nuzzled herself closer to you. “Are you going to leave for big adult stuff?” 

Your hand was instantly smoothing the curls away from her face, watching her let out a happy sigh as your nails lightly scratched along her scalp. “No, baby, of course not. Not unless you want me to go.”

Otto’s grip on you tightened. “We don’t want you to go.”

“Then I won’t,” you promised, even if that was something you knew better to not promise young children who took things far too literally and personally.

“Good,” Marley murmured, even if half of her face was squished against the jersey you were currently wearing for the game.

You glanced back down when you heard a few sniffles, frowning when you saw Otto scrubbing his little hands against his watery eyes. “Otto, baby, are you okay?” 

He nodded, turning his head to look up at you. “Just happy you are staying.”

“Happy tears!” Marley said with a smile, like she was proud of herself for remembering it.

“You promise they are happy tears?” You asked, your chest tightening at the thought of the young boy being genuinely upset until he quickly nodded his head and held out his pinky to you.

“Pinky promise, Honey.” 

You hooked your pinky around his. “You know you can tell me if you are upset, okay?” 

“We know,” Otto nodded, settling his head back down on your lap with his attention on the game once again. “We tell you or Papa and you will help.”

Your hand instantly moved to tickle his back, smiling a little at the sigh he let out when you did so. Nico had told you the tip a few weeks ago but it was endearing to see how much he loved it. 

“Yeah, we will always help you both. Pinky promise.”

For what it was worth, Nico scored less than two minutes later and the twins’ initial moods were completely overshadowed by the excitement and cheering in their celebration around the living room.

…

“Oh, spit it out already!”

In all honesty, Nana had lasted a lot longer than you anticipated. It was clear from the moment you walked through the door of the care home that you were distracted. She had enough respect to not call you out on it instantly, letting you play the part of a doting granddaughter as you made two cups of tea and settled on the couch in the lounge of the care home.

However, three abysmal games of checkers later, she had reached her limit. 

“Nana, I’m fine.” 

“And I was born last Tuesday if I believed that,” Nana scoffed, having little to no patience left as she swiped the pawns off the board and quickly ended the attempted fourth game. “There. Game over. Now talk.”

You let out a sigh as you slumped back in your seat. “It’s nothing really,” you started before noticing Nana was opening her mouth—most likely to complain—and quickly continued. “Just something the twins said.” 

Nana paused, her voice a little softer as she spoke this time. “What happened?” 

“I think I’m the longest nanny they have ever had around and they just have this fear I am going to leave. And they were fine once I assured them I was staying, they never brought it up again so there is nothing to worry about,” you began to ramble, the memory replaying in your head over the last few days. “I guess it just made me realise…” 

“That you really care about these kids?” Nana finished for you.

You smiled a little. “Yeah, I do.”

“And that you care for their father too and it’s starting to hit you that there is a possibility that there will be a day that they may not need you anymore and it’s scaring you because of how fond you have grown of the family?” Nana continued. 

You blinked. 

“Too on the nose?” She had the audacity of asking with an innocent smile.

“Nana, what the f—” You quickly cut yourself, clearing your throat and, at least, having the decency of looking sheepish. “What the hell are you on about?” 

“Honey, please,” Nana waved you off. “I have seen you nanny for many families and kids and never once have you walked through that door and gushed about them the way that you do with the Hischiers.” 

You could feel your face heating up. “They are a good family! I don’t…it’s not like that.”

“Would you want it to be like that?” Nana asked.

You swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just the nanny. I shouldn’t read into things that are never going to happen.” 

“That didn’t answer my question,” Nana pointed out. “If you’re not ready to admit it, then that’s fine. But it doesn’t change the fact that you have fallen in love with the family over the last few months and that they love you back.” 

You stayed silent.

“You have spent the last few years taking care of me and a dozen other families,” Nana said, her tone more gentle as she reached over to take your hand in hers. “I have seen you work yourself to the bone and put others’ needs before your own without a second thought. I have seen you put other families ahead of yourself. All I want for you is to have that family that cares back, that loves you back, that puts you first too.” 

“I have you,” you rasped, blinking away the tears lining your lash line. 

“And you could have them too,” Nana retorted softly. “Honey, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise those kids love you back. And that their father does too.” 

“You’ve never met Nico,” you tried to argue but Nana was having none of it.

“I know more than enough from the stories you tell me and the way he treats you,” Nana said, squeezing your hand as she spoke. “I am not saying you have to jump in straight away or ring the wedding bells. But I can see that you are happy with them and I think you could be even happier if you let yourself.” 

“Is it not better to appreciate what you have instead of losing it all?” You questioned, lips pressed together in a tight smile.

“Maybe,” Nana answered. “But then you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering how different things could have been if you had just taken that step out of your comfort zone. You’ll never know the answer if you never ask the question.”

You didn’t have a reply for her.

“I just want what is best for you,” Nana finished off with a watery smile of her own. “And I think they really could be the answer to that question, at least.”

…

Nana’s words lingered in the back of your mind.

They played on a loop as the days turned into weeks and time seemed to pass far faster than you could comprehend. Before you knew it, the calendar was showing March and you were beginning to see the behind the scenes reality of what pressures Nico was under with captaining a team desperately trying to cling onto a playoff spot as the end of the season neared. 

It was fucking awful, to put it lightly, and you didn’t really understand how he was managed to be the best captain he could on the ice, just to come back home and play the role of a father so well. But you could only admire it and admire him from a distance. 

However, it felt like Nana’s words planted a seed in your head, letting the thought fester and grow despite how desperately you had tried to weed it out over the last few months. It had a mind of its own and it felt like everywhere you looked, you were seeing the world that Nana saw for you with the Hischiers. 

You saw that future in the mornings when Nico left for practice, making sure to have a quick breakfast with you and the twins before he left the apartment after giving each one of you a kiss on the forehead (something the twins demanded he extend to you too because it was only fair in their eyes). And Nico did it happily every single morning. 

You saw that future in the nights where the twins were exhausted, passed out on the couch in their own jerseys whilst you kept your eyes glued to the screen, engrossed in the result of a sport you didn’t care about over a year ago.

You saw that future in the way the twins babbled about Switzerland and how excited they were to go back and all the things they wanted to show you. You didn’t even know what the plan was for the offseason, when Nico would return back to Switzerland and have all his family there to help him out. You were too scared to ask.

You saw that future in the way that your life became so intertwined in theirs. They were always on your mind, even during your off days. You would be eating lunch with a friend and think about how Marley would hate the dish because the carrots were too big. You would throw on a playlist whilst cleaning your apartment and smile when a random Swiss song would start playing because Otto insisted it was better (which also meant that Nico was teaching him to say as much). You would be having tea with Nana and giggle a little to yourself at the chocolates she would offer because you knew chocolate snob Nico would not approve. 

You saw that future in so many different ways and it made it a little hard to breathe the more you realised that you wanted it. You wanted it so fucking bad but it was March Madness and the twins’ birthday was coming up and there were a million other things that took priority over your lives than the growing feelings you had for this little family. 

So, you bottled it up and pretended like you couldn’t hear Nana’s disappointed sigh in the back of your mind.

…

Nico had been jumpy since the start of the roadie.

Usually by this point of the year, the road trips were more of a nuisance and the boys were done with them. Everyone was bone tired, exhausted and injured in some capacity, pushing their bodies to unreal limits with a sense of urgency to just get on with playoffs. They were done with the regular season, they were done playing games that didn’t matter in the lead up to the Cup. They were getting a taste of a possible Cup run and they were eager to start it. 

And Nico got that. He was usually one of them, letting the adrenaline and excitement for playoffs motivate him through the last stretch of regular season games. The travel days would usually be the time that he let himself catch as much sleep as he could whilst being pressed up against the bus window or sprawled out on a row of plane seats.

But he had been angsty since the first flight out, constantly checking his phone for updates that weren’t coming through. He was quiet and lost in his own head more often than not and it was concerning to the team. It took Jonas cornering him in the hotel lobby before he could run off for him to confess.

“The twins are sick,” he said with his lips turned down in a frown. “It’s nasty and they are barely sleeping and I just feel guilty for leaving Honey to deal with it alone.”

The sniffling had started a few days ago but the cold really hit last night. Neither one of them were settling down for bed, just whining and crying and fussing. Otto was complaining he was too hot. Marley was complaining she was too cold. One of them puked in the living room and the other in the bathtub after a heavy dinner that didn’t settle well in their sensitive stomachs. 

It was carnage and he had to leave you completely alone with it. 

You had reassured him multiple times that you would be fine, that you had dealt with multiple sick kids at once and this would be no different. But he couldn’t help but let the guilt eat him alive over the next few days. 

He remembered what it was like trying to deal with the twins when they were sick at the same time and it was far from enjoyable. But even then, he had his mother or someone else nearby to help. He was never taking care of them completely alone for days on end like you were. 

Nico knew he should have been more involved in the team bonding and dinners, that he should be hyping his boys up for the playoffs but he spent more time staring at his phone like he wanted to be prepared in case you messaged or called. Not that he would have been much help on the other side of the country.

He was practically itching out of his skin to get back home to you and the twins. The plane ride was torture, the minutes passing like hours and his body far too wired to even attempt to sleep (much to Jack’s dismay since he tended to use Nico as a pillow). He was practically sprinting off the plane the second they landed, making a mental note to make it up to his teammates somehow before playoffs started after they had to deal with his irritated mood for the last few days. 

His body was moving on muscle memory as he drove back to the apartment, urging himself to stay under the speed limit and take his time. He knew you were home. He knew the twins were home. Him getting home in two minutes or twenty wouldn’t change that. 

Nico was still running on pure adrenaline by the time he reached the front door, still panting from taking the stairs over the elevator as he pushed it open and quickly made his way inside. His bags were abandoned by the door and he opened his mouth to call out to the three of you when he froze the second he was in view of the living room.

He never really understood what people meant when they said they saw something so beautiful that they stopped in their tracks. Or at least, he never really understood until now. And he was aware that, to anyone else, there was nothing amazing or jaw dropping about the sight in front of him. But it meant everything to Nico. 

Because it was late by the time they landed in New Jersey and he had accepted the possibility that everyone would be asleep. But here you were, sitting on his couch, waiting for him even though he could see the bags under your eyes and the way you were already starting to nod off. Because he knew the sweatpants and hoodie weren’t anything groundbreaking, but it was a Devils hoodie with his number on it and some old sweats of yours that had a mysterious stain on it (probably from one of the twins) but you wanted to wait for him instead of heading straight for a shower and your bed.

Because here you were, sitting on his couch after you had probably experienced the longest few days of your life taking care of two sick toddlers (his two sick toddlers), still giving him a sleepy smile as soon as he walked through the door like you were genuinely happy to see him, and he just couldn’t help but think he had never met or seen someone as beautiful as you—both inside and out. 

“Are you okay?” You asked when he didn’t say anything, when he continued to stand in the middle of the room, looking at you with an expression you couldn’t quite read. 

And, if Nico was logical and not sleep deprived, there was probably a part of him that would have remembered that it was late and that you were both tired and his emotional epiphanies could wait until the morning. 

But Nico was not logical and he was very sleep deprived and he had spent the better part of the last few months fighting his team and himself over his feelings for you, and he was far too fucking tired to keep fighting them now.

Because he was staring at you from across the room and felt such a rush of warmth and relief and comfort knowing that he had you by his side and he couldn’t quite keep it in anymore.

“I think you look beautiful,” he blurted out without any further hesitation. 

You paused, staring at him for a few moments as you processed his words before glancing down at yourself. “Uh, thanks?” You managed to mutter out through an awkward laugh. “Maybe not as much right now but—” 

“I mean right now,” he said, his voice genuine and sincere and serious because apparently even sleep deprived Nico understood the importance of honesty. “And always. But especially now. And I feel very lucky that I get to come back home to you.” 

Your eyes widened and your mouth was moving but no words were coming out. 

“And you don’t have to say anything,” he continued because he was physically unable to stop himself, even taking a few steps closer to you as he did. “But you deserve to know.” 

“You can’t say that,” you whispered, shaking your head at him.

His brows furrowed together. “Why not?” 

“You can’t say stuff like that when you don’t mean it like—” But you cut yourself off, swallowing harshly as your gaze dropped down to your hands.

“Mean it like what?” Nico asked, his body still moving until he was kneeling on the ground in front of you, his hands on your knees as he ducked his head to catch your eye again. 

“Nico,” you said his name so softly that it made his stomach twist. 

“I meant what I said,” Nico said, his hands squeezing your knees as he spoke. “You look beautiful right now and every other day. I think it all the time and you deserve to hear it more. I think you are one of the best people I have ever met in my life.”

You let out a shuddering breath. 

“And I think I’m reading this right,” his voice dropped to a whisper, something cautious and vulnerable written across his face. “And stop me if I’m not because the last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable or—”

You grabbed his face and kissed him before you could second guess yourself. 

Despite the fact it wasn’t very long, Nico sunk into the kiss. He let himself lean into the touch, to savour the feeling of your hands cupping his face and your lips on his. He let himself enjoy the way your nose nudged against his as you pulled away, as you gave yourself enough space to rest your forehead against his.

“You’re not reading it wrong,” you assured him with a small, almost secretive smile. “But I didn’t think you would feel the same, especially with the twins—”

“Don’t worry about that just yet,” he murmured, letting his eyes fall shut as he enjoyed just how close you were to him. “They don’t have to know right away, we can take things slow. But I…I want to do this. I want to give us a try.”

You tried to bite back the grin threatening to take over your face. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Nico grinned. “I want to see where this goes.”

“And if it goes wrong?” You dared yourself to ask.

But Nico didn’t seem particularly worried, twisting his hand so he could intertwine it with your own. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Honey, but we make a pretty good team. Best of the league. No doubts about us.”

You huffed out a laugh. “Does that make me your A?” 

Nico snorted. “No way. We are co-captains. Equals.”

“Co-captains,” you agreed, nodding a little. 

And there was still a lot more that needed to be discussed. Both of you knew that. But it was late and you were both tired and there was no rush to figure everything out just yet. 

Becoming a father was one of the best things that happened to Nico Hischier. Meeting you was second. And maybe this year, he would add hoisting the Cup with his team as the third but only time would tell.

And, in the meantime, Nico was pretty damn happy with you and Otto and Marley—his perfect little family of four.

.

[gobvo]

Another thing I’d like to add…

Although I’m a bkdk & togachako enjoyer for life! I do see why this epilogue ends the way it does.

Holdon! Holdon! Hold on! Let me explain real quick.

We gotta look at the facts here, why did Izuku choose to go after Ochako? Well because ever since they entered UA, Ochako was one of the first people to believe in him. She didn’t just become one of his friends, she’s prolly one of his bestest friends as much as Bakubrat is.

Sure Deku and Bakugou have a whole lot of history together but for a good chunk of it, Bakugou spend his time trying to crush Midoriya and his dream.

Yes, yes, yes redemption, apologies happened but my interpretation is that at some point in those 10 ish years post mha, that Deku simply moved on. Not just moved on but moved goal posts, way beyond being the number one hero and all that nonsense. Think about it, with all the shit Midoriya has been through and seen in his journey to become a hero, all the rot and corruption in the hero industry. Would you guys still hold onto that dream? Idk about y’all but I wouldn’t.

Not saying he no longer loves or admires heroes. That he does but it seems like he’s content with not actively participating in that whole industry anymore. (Let’s not even talk about the physical and mental scars the whole class prolly still have to deal with a decade later)

Add to that his tumultuous relationship with his supposed childhood best friend and you got a recipe for a guy who’s disillusioned(subconsciously maybe)

Someone who’s perfectly content with settling for a “lesser” position in the grand scheme of things. A guy who’s gonna reevaluate his convictions and lower his expectations.

Despite not being a fan of izuocha (I don’t hate izuocha btw), it makes sense to me. Her and ida took the Bakugou’a spot when Deku needed someone to believe in him the most. Back when he didn’t have full control of his body or powers. Back when he was still insecure and was just bumbling around in a new school filled with people who had been born with privileges while he did have a massive streak of luck sure, he still had to work hard to see the benefits.

Now with all that said, I just don’t understand why in the last arcs of the manga, is the focus shifted towards his relationship with Bakugou?! Why make such a big deal out of it when you don’t plan to do anything with it? Sure it was nice to see the two boys mend their broken relationship, I was on board up until that point. But after that moment, why make it seem like they’re gonna live their renewed dream of being a hero duo/rivals or whatever??

Anyways, I’m glad I dropped mha because outside of shipping stuff, I was hoping there’d be an entire overhaul of hero society. There wasn’t. I was hoping to see the villains get their justice, not win but be forgiven. I still hate Endeavor, he does, did and never will deserve a redemption arc. Nothing was done about quirk discrimination, I could go on and on.

And now this.

Mha truly is this generation’s Naruto and I’m sad to see history repeat itself even if for the time being we didn’t get the classic, very boring nuclear family ending with 2.5 kids, a dog and a picket fence.

Sorry for the essay but I just needed to clear my thoughts on this.

[crookedfandomquill]

Alright, folks, I rewatched the Bo’re Life arc this week, and I have thoughts and a newfound appreciation for it (what? Me? Liking the Bo’re arc?It’s more likely than you’d think). As my mom used to say at the start of road trips or our semi-annual family viewing of The Sound of Music: buckle up, chitlins. 

Okay, first off: this arc is a lot easier and more interesting to watch the second time around. I suspect that’s because I’m not chomping at the bit to just get back to Tantai Jin and Susu in the real world, since I already know what happens. This time, I can settle in and appreciate Bo’re Life without the urgency of “when is the actual story going to come back, fuck you writers”. It’s also very fun for me to draw parallels and find foreshadowing I didn’t notice before. And, having done so, I present the following thesis: the Bo’re Life arc strengthened the overall story both as a tragedy, and as a “happy” ending.

Addendum: I have a lot of thoughts about what constitutes a happy ending, and my thoughts on TTEOTM in this regard are complicated. Essentially, I would argue that the ending, while certainly sad, isn’t a “tragedy” in the narrative sense. While the individual happiness of the characters takes a real blow in the end, they do accomplish their ultimate goal. It’s a pyrrhic victory, but a victory nonetheless, and it’s implied that they will get a much happier ending as individuals sometime in the future. That doesn’t mean it was as satisfying as it could have been (it seems clear that TTJ will come back but I'm pissed we didn't get to see it), and I know a lot of viewers will totally disagree with my opinion. But I digress! Let’s get into Bo’re Life.

Bo’re Life threw a LOT of information at both protagonists, and the roles they played in it didn’t correspond neatly with their own destinies, which kind of baffled me the first time around. Ming Ye represented both what Tantai Jin could aspire to be, and the mistakes Susu needed to avoid in neutralizing him. Sang Jiu represented both Susu’s traumas and doomed loveline, and Tantai Jin’s fate if Susu failed as Ming Ye had.

The parallels between Bo’re life and real life perfectly underline the tragedy of the story: both protagonists are shown beforehand the choices they must not make, but because of who they are, they make them anyway.

Susu was an idealistic and traumatized woman with a mission, so she was always going to fail like Ming Ye did by putting the greater good ahead of love and communication. Tantai Jin was a disempowered and naive man falling in love for the first time, so he was always going to be just like Sang Jiu and give his fragile heart too fully, then shatter under the weight of betrayal. Bo’re Life both foretold the tragedy, and failed to prevent it. 

It could be argued that Tantai Jin and Susu played the wrong roles in Bo’re Life to avoid tragedy in the Jing arc, but they played the right roles to avoid it in the cultivator arc. In the mortal world, Susu needed Ming Ye’s experience of losing everything because he neglected his heart. And Tantai Jin needed Sang Jiu’s experience of subsuming herself in another person so recklessly that she lost her soul to it. Neither of them got that, and so they repeated the tragedy of 10,000 years ago: Susu by loving and then betraying Tantai Jin, and Tantai Jin by allowing his obsessive love to run unchecked.

But as cultivators, 500 years later, they both ended up relying on the virtues of the roles they played in Bo’re Life. Susu channeled Sang Jiu’s optimistic love and staunch loyalty to repair her relationship with Tantai Jin and become someone he could genuinely rely on. And Tantai Jin needed Ming Ye’s sacrificial love and dedication to the greater good to understand and execute his subversion of destiny.

This time around, they were both where they needed to be, playing the roles fate assigned them… but drastically changing the lines. Susu became a goddess, just like her mother, the only being who could defeat the Devil Lord. And Tantai Jin became the Devil Lord, just as he was born to do. But there was no battle between them, no great war like 10,000 years ago. Just like during their dance at the Jing water festival, Tantai Jin played his part, then surrendered.

And, just as she removed his mask 500 years ago, Susu saw through his act to who he really was, who he’d always been.

They redeemed the very mistakes they made at the end of their story in Jing: Susu, who couldn’t trust him and destroyed him as a result, finally gave him her trust, even as he wore the image of her greatest fears. And Tantai Jin, who was so desperate for her love that he killed her trying to keep her, finally let her go to save the world. 

The Jing arc ended with both of them as the worst versions of themselves: Susu vengeful and traumatized, Tantai Jin obsessive and broken. As she died, Susu threw Tantai Jin’s destiny in his face, calling him the greatest curse and rejecting him in this life and the next. In his last days in Jing, Tantai Jin devolved into despair and denial, unable to cope with the grief and betrayal. They didn't learn the correct lessons in Bo're life, not this time around.

By contrast, the cultivator arc ended with both of them as the best versions of themselves: Susu capable of trust and forgiveness and elevated to godhood, Tantai Jin whole and loved and able to overturn his evil destiny. They learned, not just from their own mistakes, but from those of Ming Ye and Sang Jiu. And it helped them win.

[banana-pancake5]

YES YES YES YES YES THAT LAST LINE TOOK ME OUT I FELL ONTO THE GROUND AGFHFHDHFHHFHFJF LEMME GO SONG BY SONG

-Not Sorry for Loving You

😭 this one made me so sad. I basically knew all the lyrics already from the released snippets so I was BELTING my heart out. Her voice is so so pretty and when I just listened to it at first, I took the ending with Odysseus as a sort of “hey we’re friends but not like that so sorry but I’m gonna go now. It’s been good and I’ll miss you” and then she finally accepts it but when I watched the animatic it was so much more tragic imo. Ody seemed like he might’ve been just saying what she wanted to hear in one way, but if it was genuine he moved on quickly and she was just left on her island. Alone again forever. She knows now that what she did was wrong but she really just thought he was a gift from the gods. A companion to join her once lonely life. And the ending shot of the animatic with her alone on the island breaks my heart bc unfortunately he’s not for her. She will just remain alone forever. Makes me SOB

-Dangerous

The beginning sounding like full speed ahead is fantastic I loved it. Ody singing sounded so sad tho bc I’m not used to him without his ensemble backing him up. But he’s just on his own :(((( especially the silence after the “cause I had one goal in mind” and then when Hermes popped in with the “all you gotta do is not open this bag” confirms my beliefs that he’s been watching Ody this whole time (that’s why he sounded so knowing when saying it: he knew he was doing a call back and I love him for it) and I feel like he didn’t sound as peppy as he did in would you like. I like this bc it seems like he’s adjusting to Ody and instead of being blindly optimistic he’s trying to just motivate him (and also just vibe with his buddy) and the WIND BAG. Idk if I got the correct thing from this, but I sort of assumed that Poseidon set a storm in front of Ithaca to stop Ody from getting home; then Hermes and the winions managed to trap it and give it to Ody for “safe keeping.” Anywho I also love it being “it’s a little bit dangerous, my friend” and then “don’t you know that danger is my friend” that’s just great. AND THEN ATHENA REFERENCED FIGHTING FOR HIM FHDHDHDKDJKDDJNDKD she better be fine or ELSE

-Charybdis

This one’s just really vibey and I love the chorus. It’s also really nice hearing Mr. Mind Warrior doing his little plan. OH AND THE SOUND IT MAKES AS ITS STARTING LIKE THE HORROR-ADJACENT SCREECHEY THING IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER. Oh and idk how familiar you are with this, but certain instruments and riffs are repeated in the musical for certain characters. Odysseus has the guitar and the different types of guitars mean different things I really like the sound of his electric guitar in this one dgdgshhdgdjd and the holding on for his family is so sweet :(((( but bro said “I’ll be there today” XD um idk man maybe don’t jinx yourself like that

-GET IN THE WATER FHDHDHDHHDHD

I LOVE how powerful popo’s (that’s his new nickname his name is too long) music is it’s just dhdhdgdhhdhdhd very good and strong I love it it really imposes that power and dread and stuff. And I’m kinda dumb ig bc I didn’t realize this before but I love how he threatens to gauge ody’s son’s eyes (like how Ody did to popo’s son) like ooookay yeah settle done please don’t get crazy. Then I LOVE how Odysseus tries to talk his way out of it which is so in character dhdhdjdjdjjsk and then popo seems so determined like he doesn’t particularly care enough to want to do this, he just thinks he HAS to. So he will. And his “no” is just dhdhsgdhdjdjdk very chilling I love it. And the freaking GHOSTS OF HIS PAST BRO FHDHDHDKDJDJ polites, eurylochus, and his mom killl me everytime fhdhdhsjdhjdd and the whole crew??? They’re making me emotional. And I love that with using these call backs, when I’m listening I don’t know exactly what’s going on but they give me a pretty good idea like bro is VERY near death rhdjdjdhdjsksk then I am reminded of the no longer you prophecy. “I see you on the brink of death. I see you draw your final breath. I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it’s no longer you.” The end of this song IS THAT MOMENT. He’s about to die, he’s taken his final breath, and after this moment I think Odysseus is dead. The monster is who takes his place. And the next song REALLY cements that

-SIX HUNDRED STRIKE (<- probably my favorite of the saga teehee)

THEHDHDJDHDJDKLAJFHEHDJDKEKDHDJD again it’s very electric guitar and the genius of bringing the riff from keep your friends close is killing me. It’s so gorgeous and just perfect for me shdhdhdkdhdkshd bro keeps using wind bag on Poseidon and honestly yeah do your thing. And the “I WILL GET BACK TO MY SON AND I WILL GET BACK TO MY WIIIIIIIIIFE” is fantastic fhdhhdjskdjdjg yes bro get him and after the strike, popo was so smug with the “can’t you see? You sealed your fate” and Ody was NOT taking it and shot back the “you’ll call of the storm” AND RIGHT BEFORE HE SAYS THAT, YOU HEAR THE RIFF THAT COMES IN DIFFERENT BEAST, THE ONE RIGHT BEFORE HE SAYS “MY REAL WIFE KNOWS IM NOT SCARED OF THE WATER” AND JUST SHDHSHSJKSKSN and then bro just TORTURES HIM LIKE FHFHDJDHDKFHTKD THIS IS PRETTY GOOD PROOF THAT THIS ISNT ODY THIS IS THE MONSTER HOLY FREAK. Then I absolutely adore his monologue as he’s stabbing him. It’s so beautiful and tragic and broken and rageful and I can’t get over it. Idk if it’s a little trick to make us kinda get in ody’s shoes but Poseidon’s screams sound so nice?? Like to us that’s because they’re sort of singy screams but to ody it’s because this is his long awaited vengeance?? “calling their captain in vain” takes me back to cyclops saga and makes me wanna sob and then the “look what you turned me into” is him basically acknowledging that he’s no longer himself anymore bc of all that’s happened and what he’s done. “You didn’t stop when I begged you” bro really has learned ruthlessness and this is his outlet dhdgshshdhfhfj and popo calling him monster it just shfhdhbfhfhfhfj it kills me man it kills me. And yeah when mr. “Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves” is begging you to stop you know you’ve done some stuff dhfhdhsjdjkd

AND THE LAST LINE FHDHDHDHDHDHUEIRHFHFHEHDHHEHFJFITHFHFHTH INSANE. I SHOULD’VE EXPECTED IT BUT I DIDNT AND IT TOOM ME OUT THAT IS MY NEW FAVORITE EPIC QUOTE FHDHDHHDHDHDHRHTHTJJTJTJTJTJT

Oh my gosh I’d love to hear your thoughts

OKAY OKAY OKAY I WANNA SOB NOW STOP THIS HURTS IJDEFNKJCDSNKCJEANACEKJNCAEKJ

Okay so I think how I’m gonna do this is song by song, responding to your thoughts, and then sharing mine UNDER THE CUT CUZ ITS GONNA GET LONG

- Not Sorry for Loving You

Bahhhh ikkkkkk it really makes me just feel so bad for Calypso!! Her voice is literally gorgeous I love the way her songs sound so much decnihedcncijedncidjeniec I feel like he was just saying what she wanted to hear but at the same time I think it was genuine (platonic)?? It didn’t SOUND like he was just lying to her face but I can totally picture him doing so. But if he was being genuine then, yeah, BOY MOVED ON QUICK. I didn’t realllllly like Calypso in the being because she was …kind of a creep…. But now it makes so much more sense and it’s heart wrenching looking back on how she acted. That was the ONLY person she’d seen/talked to in SO MANY YEARS. She thought he was gift from the gods and she hears him talking about this Penelope girl and is like “who that?” And he just says “She’s my wife“ that must of crushed her bro!!! But of course she persisted bc that’s the only person she has!!!!! Then he leaves. Her life that had finally changed for the better is back to its usual loneliness. I want a song called “Alone in paradise” about her before he comes and or after he’s gone. It would be DEVASTATING.

- Dangerous

Okay wow I did not realize that!!! Ohhhhh that’s why it sounded so different!! Well 1 he’s sorta depresso, but yeah his ensemble is gone! Okay honestly I love Hermes so much but “All you gotta is not open this bag” DUDE THATS KINDA A MEAN JOKE DONT YOU THINK???? Heheheh I love that part of the song tho so I can’t be mad at him XD oh I can totally imagine hm watching Ody the whole, and the fact he knew he was making a call back (bc of course he did) is just so funny to me. Hermes adjusting to the current mood makes me love him so much more. He’s not just being all annoying and teasing Ody because he is aware of everything that Ody’s been through (which is A LOT), but that said, Hermes is still vibing and as he does he encourages and helps Ody too. WHOLESOME FUN FRIENDSHIPS I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! OHHHHH OKAY OKAY THAT CLEARS THAT UP. I was genuinely so confused like they already used all the wind??????? But that makes a lot more sense!!

I HAVE THOUGHTS ON ATHENA. ONE, THAT REFERENCE CDEIHNCEDIJNCEDIJENJICFENCE I WAS NOT EXPECTING IT AND I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Two, I thought she died but now I no longer do!!! Partly because I watched a ton more God Games animatics and a good couple of them she survives (I think? Maybe I’m remembering wrong lol), and…. Well okay turns out I don’t have another point. Maybe I just gaslit myself into thinking she was alive with no evidence XD

- Charybdis

Listening to it again rn to remember it lol

Honestly yeah I agree and I also don’t have many opinions on this song ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I mean it’s GREAT, just as every song in the musical, but it didn’t stick out too much to me :/

OH BUT THE END. HE SEES HIS HOME AND THEN STUPID POPO (love the nickname) POPS UP TO KILL HIM.

The instruments!!!! I may be watching a lot of the videos the main guy has made bc it’s so interesting, but! I did see stuff about this! I think he said that Electric music is correlated with magic, so the more magic in the scene the more electric components. That being said I am apparently garbage at noticing these motifs and instruments in the music bc I didn’t even notice the electric guitar ;-;. BUT I HAVE HEARD SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS I WANNA TALK ABOUT!!!

Have you seen the one short talking about the Sirens Powers? If not then you NEED to. Idk how to find it tho…. But anyway, basically it’s talking about how the siren’s song, depending on how clearly the recipient can hear, gives her access to memories so she can lure her prey into the water. THATS WHY THE SIREN SAID DAUGHTER INSTEAD OF SON!!!! Since he had the beeswax in his ears she couldn’t fully access his memories and so she got stuff wrong! That’s alllsooooo why the song has stinking Polites’ instrument (a mallet or something like that) instead of Penelope’s!! THE DETAILS IN THE MUSIC ARE SO COOL AND THE AMOUNT KF THOUGHT PUT INTO IT IS SO AWESOME EIJCNSDJINCDISJNCKSJDNJCKSD

- GET IN THE WATER YES ISCDUNWDCJINWCDJKNCDWKJNCSD

Ikkkk all his songs set the mood so perfectly! OKAY THE LITERAL GASP I MADE WHEN I READ THAT. YEAH I GUESS IM DUMB TOO BC THAT WENT WAYYYYYY OVER MY HEAD. NXSXJINXSDIJWNCKDJSNCIWJDNCJDIWDECN THAT COMPARISON KILLS ME. Ody is Leo 100% every single time Ody is talking his way out of something I’m reminded of it XD. It’s kind of a relief seeing Ody try to talk his way out of it. Yes he has changed, but he is still him yknow? Popo’s line delivery gives me chills. It’s so spooky and dramatic. and he’s got a point! If he lets Ody go then people will definitely see him as less of a threat. Doesn’t mean I appreciate Popo’s actions one bit though lol. I LOVE the following scene when he starts singing “Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves” the peril, chaos, waves crashing all around Ody. Even without the animatic you can just sense the threat. Also it sounds epic (hehe puns). AND FOLLOWED BY THE GHOSTS BROOOO DWIHBCDSIHBCDAJHBWDCIUNCDS. WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT. THE PROPHECY THATS IT. THATS INSANE. AGHHHHHHHHHHH. Noooooooooo Ody is gone. The monster takes his place and that’s devastating. I’m gonna get emotional disncjkjsdncjidsn

- THIS SONG. AH. SIX HUNDRED STRIKE. (<- Probably tied for first or second fav in this saga Dangerous is just such a bop) (listening to this song on loop as a write this)

I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT THATS WHAT THE RIFF WAS FROM SDCNDUCEHBDDWUHNWDCHINUHCDWNW Popo you should’ve learned by now, Don’t let Ody have the stinking wind bag!! Popo fell for the same trick twice in a row XD. ALSO JUST AHH ODY “CANT AFFORD TO DIE” I LOVE THAT LINE VERY MUCH. BC HE LITERALLY CANT. HE HAS DONE SO MUCH TO GET BACK HOME HE AINT GONNA WASTE ALL THAT EFFORT AND DIE. and yesssssssss that’s such a good line asnswihxnxwsjinxweijnxdwnjixwdjinxdw. HOW DO I KEEP MISSING THESE MUSICAL MOMENTS NCJIWDDNIJDEWNIJDNWDDIJWNCD I DIDNT NOTICE THAT RIFF EITHER!!!! AH. Okay I just wanna ramble a bit about the whole torture and pre torture bit. The second Popo said “or what? You can’t kill me,” so stinking naive Popo, I KNEW what was gonna happen. THAT CONCEPT. USEING HIS IMMORTALITY AGAINST HIM. HE CANT DIE BUT HE’LL WISH HE COULD. I JUST— AHHHHHHHH ITS SO GOOD. AND HORRIFIC BUT DECNSDCIUNCDWJINWDCJINICEF. And then Popo begging for mercy, which he was oh so against previously (ironic right). When he sees Ody approach with his Trident and starts panicking “Wait …Wait!” ODY IS SO RUTHLESS BRO. HE DEFINITELY IS THE MONSTER. AND SOMETHING ABOUT HIM COMPLETELY IGNORING POPO WHEN HE SAID “ENOUGH” AND THEN SHUTTING HIM DOWN WHEN HE YELLS STOP. And when Popo yells out, “you MONSTERRR” I died. Nuidceiuecdnjidecnjindec. It’s so cruel and messed up but that was Popo’s outlet. he just let out all of his pent up rage, all of his guilt, everything. Oh and yes, “calling their captain in vain” gives me FLASHBACKS to Survive AND the Ruthlessness (it’s faint but the crew yells “captain” in the background) which justs add more to that sick irony of the scene.

— Okay, slight side tangent, but Popo saying “the line between naive and hopefulness is almost invisible” durning Ruthlessness is just killing me bc of what I said earlier, “‘or what? you can’t kill me,’ so stinking naive Popo” I just can’t dfwnuhedcnudhe —

“After everything you’ve done …how will you sleep at night?” “Next to my Wife” BRO THAT LINE IK ITS KILLS ME CEDIHNCUHEFNCEDIJNIUDXWNIJWXDNWCDJ OH DEFINITELY ONE OF IF NOT THE BEST EPIC QUOTE

Oooooookay think I responded to basically everything you’ve said and told my thoughts…. Hopefully this whole ramble makes sense :P

IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS OR JUST THINGS YOU WANNA SAY ABOUT ANY OF THE SONGS PLEASE HOP IN MY IN BOX MORE CDEJINFDEIJDCENIDEJCNECDNIJCFE

[whosthere54]

Song stream notes time

Aesthetic of C!sherb is up until 2 birds

Just kind of vibes for C!sherb (up until maybe brass goggles)

Songs with themes of loneliness potions bleeding - almost magic but more interdimensional stuffs (the beloved)

Brothers starts at 2 birds :)

(family jewels isla coded wait hold on just a minute there)

(When the day met the night Rae and Caspian as well as the fable isla marriage to —> Isla/Enderian to —> alone.)

S1 starts at Fine

Corruption I think starts mainly at Laplace’s Angel

SECOND HALF OF I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE BEING COWORKERS I CARE

WhisperDuo is secret and Hawk in the night

PLAY WITH FIRE CENTROSS AND ENDERIAN

When the world caves in as the finale

Start of s2 as new life

Next section starts at Brutus and it’s the prison

NOT WELCOME BEING CENTROSS

Ends prison arc in Rock in gods shoe

S2 —>3 break starts as is there anybody here (Icarus in the worldport)

S3 starts with Maybe man

Chasing you - The emptiness of not knowing what to do after Haley’s been brought back, it having been their main goal before (very Ic + Haley coded song)

The garden - getting sick of quixis changes. I cannot get the changes to stop, I don’t know what to do, nothing is helping. (whenever talking about crows is talking about chat)

New eyes - Stream where sherb goes to Ulysses and finding out there eyes not their own and then the raft :)

(Two samples I think it’s called?)

The tornado - UNLOCKED THE BELOVED ITS PERFECT (THE END BEING ICARUS BECOMING QUIXIS I LOVE IT SM)

Birds - “I just want to sit here and feed my birds” energy

Look who’s inside again - father isolation

Let me make you proud - self explanatory Icarus wanting to make him proud and earn their fathers love

The fruits - Part of them isn’t them so they can’t be what their father wants them to be

Down the river - Athena and Icarus making potions and they argue about corruption a lil but I care “the dust never settles when you’re around” WHACK

Hero - them spiraling about Centross’s death before fable starts talking I’ll sob

When Centross saves them. Me when. I’ll cry about it.

Can’t catch me now - oh it’s me hallucinating wait he’s actually there rarararara they aren’t coping well but violets watching them

Do what you gotta do - HELP ITS SELF EXPLANATORY ALSO BANGER SONG AND SO FUNNY

Paid in exposure - Coworkers

Natural - also coworkers

Burning pile - CMV

Can’t go back - EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG

Try to change - Icarus spiraling by themself - I can only do what I’m told I can only repeat history

Lima bean man - killing momboo :d

Shots - why do I kill everything I love?

Prodigal ^^ spiraling and I’m really his son

Solitary confinement - I LOVE THIS SONG FIRST OF ALL

No longer you - (EPIC THE BELOVED) Up to interpretation????

Monster - Penelope Centross - Telemachus (idk spelling) momboo

No children - singing about fable - Rae coming with Vanda

Mr author - Icarus to quixis other half Sherbert to rina

Icarus by luvbug - Fables death I EAT THIS UP (ITS SO GOOD I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SO MUCH AFTER THE FINALE YOU DONT EVEN KNOWWW)

The bad guy + in my blood - OH MY GOD I WAS SO WRONG (the lyrics in in my blood I yell I rarara)

Daniel in the den - Fable is dead we did it we can move on!

Ruin - female voice is Icarus male voice is Midas (ME WHEN THIS SONG AND THE AMAZING DEVIL) getting ready to jump and die (mainly talking to quixis or the things)

“Nothing quite prepares you for when they don’t come back-“ AGH I LOVE THAT SONG ITS SO THEM AND I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT ICARUS AND MIDAS

Icarus and Apollo - ME WHEN ICARUS AND MIDAS

Show yourself - ASCENTION and Midas welcoming them

Who you are - Midas welcoming Icarus

The last goodbye - Him thinking he’s gonna die then SIKE NOPE WORLDPORT TIME ICARUS AND MIDAS TIME THEM HELPING EACHOTHER AND THEN THE PART WITH CHAT

Still feel - If fable had a bow this is the song when bowing I love it

epilogue things then Icarus

Back to black - WETBIRDS??? ILL UPDATE AFTER WATCHING THE VEN FINALE I GUESS???

SPRING AND A STORM STORYBOARD

Then the next section is specifically Icarixus times

Today today being years of time passing in the worldport I yell

Last section (after today today) is group songs :)

LOSER BABY AS THE DRINKING STREAM

The cave below hero

Ahhhh I love that playlist sm I had THOGUGHTS I was yelling in chat

[fabdante]

*spins* I guess this counts as drabble more than an ask, but anyway, tell me what you think?

Reboot Dante frantically running from survivor's guilt that started in St. Lamia's Orphanage and just grew from there, trying to bury it all behind a facade of hedonism, selfishness, and apathy. (Remembering his family and what happened to them added to this, tho being able to remember a time when he was safe and loved and had a normal family and home life helped more than it hurt. Most days, anyway.)

But even then, sometimes he'd still care about people, even through all his defenses. Sometimes someone would be kind to him, and he couldn't help it. Sometimes he'd get close to someone, form some kind of connection... and then the cycle would repeat- the demons would do what they always do, and ruin everything. In oh so very many, many different ways. In whatever way hurt the most. There was no escape.

[I'm sure you can add ways that things with Vergil and the Order fucked him up, too, but I'm skipping ahead a bit, for now.]

Vergil coming back as the King of Hell and having a whole host of information on all the people Dante was involved with that the demons hurt, and throwing that/those failures (at least that's how Vergil would phrase it) in Dante's face as a reason why Dante needs him (Vergil) to handle ruling the demons and the humans. As proof that Vergil's way is right, no matter how twisted Vergil's methods have gotten thanks to the power of being King of Hell going to Vergil's head. "All that matters is absolute power", and all that.

And it works! At least, that last part does. Just not in the way Vergil had hoped it would. Because that's the thing that finally pushes Dante over the edge into, "Okay, fuck it" territory, and his goal for this fight goes from "Talk my dumbass little brother out of this" to "Kill him. Kill him, or die trying".

("I hope I die. I hope this kills us both." Because he knows that after this, he's not going to have anything left to go back to, really. Or at least, he knows Kat isn't going to want to see or talk to or hear from him ever again. Which is worse than just dying here, honestly. Or getting trapped in Hell or where ever else.)

Because all that matters is power, right? So then, that's how they'll settle this.

I keep picturing this as after Vergil's stabbed Dante in the chest and taken Dante's amulet, after Dante and Kat have tried over and over to get through to Vergil, and it just. Doesn't work. And now its just Vergil and Dante, and the blood. Dante's kneeling there, impaled on his own sword, but that's fine, because it's the Rebellion.

"Feels good, doesn't it, Vergil? Better than the pain. The fear. The loneliness. All that power... Anyone tries to hurt you, and you can just slip back into that and not care. At least, for a little while. But it all catches up with you, eventually. Bet you know that, too, don't you? That's why it- all this- still hurts."

One last little attempt at talking sense into his little brother, before Dante lets the power the Rebellion is waking up inside him fully consume him. It doesn't work, of course, tho it does kinda unnerve Vergil a bit- which he of course tries to ignore and cover with bravado. And then...

there's no more talking. At least, not from Dante. The most Dante can manage right now is a sort of guttural, snarling roar. Or screaming.

The fight goes from "epic swordsmanship + gunplay battle" to two brothers beating the ever-loving SHIT out of one another- yes, with swords, and guns, and gauntlets, and demonic/angelic energy, but also just with their bare hands. And teeth. No finesse. No fancy moves. Just lots of snarling And blood and raw, brutal violence. And it ain't clean or pretty.

I'd HOPE Dante would snap out of this before he actually killed Vergil, tbh, or that Vergil had the sense to run away before Dante killed him... but then again, he might not.

Don't really have a set "end" for this, so I'll just leave it here.

oh this is fun!!

i do think the like issues with the reboot twins are a lot more um...Violent then the preboot twins, I suppose. idk how to word it. it's just a lot more personal and volatile like idk if i can see the preboot twins ever being pushed to the point of ever wanting to kill each other on purpose. the reboot twins on the other hand...totally different story.

[rising-volteccers]

Ah hi! If you’re still taking prompts, I’d love to see ya do the “you’re my family too” prompt from that one list you reblogged with any of the Volteccers! Maybe Friede? And if not I just wanna say I love ur writing it’s super cute!!!! Have a good night!

Yes I'm still taking them! Thank you very much for this lovely prompt! Just sprinkling in some of my personal headcanons here and there. Hopefully it's a nice little read!

Series: Pokemon Horizons

Characters: Friede, Cap

--

On a peaceful night, one soul laid awake while everyone else slumbered.

Laying on his bed, Friede stared at the ceiling like it had the solution for his awaken state. Just one of those nights where his thoughts mimicked that of bells in his head; an incessant chime that left him unable to fall asleep. Nothing that a mug of Murdock's special nighttime blend couldn't fix but after the day they had, he didn't want to bother his friend more than necessary.

The Rising Volt Tacklers had lofty goals. Wanting to solve the mysteries of the world meant that danger remained a constant presence in their adventures. While they had plenty of peaceful days, the ones that left them all a little bruised at the end of the day acted as a reminder of this path they took.

Being their leader, the responsibility of the crew's safety rested heavily on his shoulders. None of them blamed him for whatever mishaps they came across but such encounters still repeat itself in his head once they had some breathing room. Friede's role in scouting with his Charizard factored heavily on how well informed they'd be. Anything lacking could spell the difference between a good trip or a bad one.

Today was one where things could've tipped into dangerous territories had they not make their escape. Friede had to push Orla and the Fire-types in the engine room so they had the speed to get away in time. Cap and him were focused on navigating through the storm they flew into, being the only route they could take.

At the end, they managed to dock the ship at an uninhabited island for the night. Friede and Orla will properly take stock on the ship's damages tomorrow but for tonight, they unanimously agreed to take it easy and get some much needed rest.

Friede wanted to sleep; once the adrenaline wore off, he remained on his feet solely from his need to present a strong front for his crew. He thought he'd be out like a light once he crashed onto bed but his brain just wouldn't turn off.

He heaved out a deep sigh--stirring Cap that curled into a ball on his stomach. His partner stretched, then rubbed one beady eye with his paw.

"Sorry about that. Didn't mean to wake you up," he murmured. Friede reached to Cap so he could lightly scratch the Pikachu between his ears. "You can go back to sleep."

"Pikapi?"

"Me? I'll be heading to sleep in a bit. Just got stuff on my mind, you know that."

Instead of curling himself back into a tight ball, Cap instead crawled his way up Friede's stomach to settle himself by the crook of his neck. His partner turned his head so Friede could see his quizzical expression.

"Pika Pi-Pika?"

"You wanna know? Well..." Yellow eyes became downcast. "Guess just 'bout what happened today. 's a lot. Things could've been a lot worse than it did."

Cap tilted his head, deep in thought before he perked up in acknowledgement. He gave a single nod. "Pika." Another head tilt, this time with questioning look on his face. "Pika?"

"Yeah, I get that it didn't but... I guess the what ifs just settled into this ol' noggin. Hard to shake them off."

Cap's expression remained puzzled, as if to say 'and why's that?'

A small huff of laughter, empty of its usual warmth. "Cause the crew's safety is my responsibility. I can't fail that. If I do... I don't wanna put them into unnecessary danger. They're like family to me." Friede's voice dropped into a whisper. "You're my family too, y'know that Cap?"

Cap pushed himself up till he sat on Friede's torso. His eyes seemingly bore into the other's soul with how intense they got. Then Cap thwacked him on the nose with his paw.

The surprise snapped Friede out of the black mood he was slowly falling into. One hand immediately went to his aching nose.

"Ow! What was that for?"

Cap's paws settled onto his hip. What proceeded was a long string of Pikachu noises that Friede could interpret as a lecture. The more Cap went at it complete with animated paw gestures, he found tendrils of amusement creeping in.

"Alright, alright I get it," Friede conceded at last once there was a pause in Cap's spiel. Lips curled into a fond smile, he said, "You're saying that I should put more trust in the crew and not shoulder everything myself, yeah?"

It spoke volumes of the bond they have that he understood his partner on this level. To others, they would hear the chattering of an excited, slightly agitated Pikachu.

To Friede, he understood the intent. Once Cap nodded his head with a self satisfied smirk, warmth blossomed in his chest. He reached out once more to settle a gentle hand on Cap's head.

"I heard it loud and clear. Thanks Cap. Guess I needed the reminder."

"Pi-Pikachu!"

Friede found himself cracking a yawn. After working out the gunk in his head, he finally felt sleepy. He turned on his side, which had Cap repositioning himself to tuck himself by Friede's chest.

"Night Cap. We have a busy day ahead of us."

Soon, two sets of deep breathing filled the cabin, both human and Pokemon finally getting the sleep they deserved.

[roseofdarkness0]

Some Explanations of My au from my incorrect quotes post bc I started writing and it got out of hand but I need those bunnies out of my head and if stuff is repeated but just reworded then it's because I've been writing this on different days whilst working on different stuff at the same time. As office would have said, Parkour!

If anything else in the future needs to be explained about my aus I will link this post.

Married Au: Cali and Gov married each other around 1800's because some congressmen were bothering Gov about him being single (with goal of trapping him with one of their daughters so their family could profit) and Gov was getting tired of it. One day where he was close to murdering someone, he spotted another person being bothered about the same thing, sure maybe not on the scale that he was but if he played his cards right it could work out....

Long story short, Gov married that person, "Poppy 'Goldie' McNugget" (strange name but he couldn't exactly complain) by having one of the visiting priests marry them with others as their witnessess. Poppy provided the rings and after few weeks of awkward small talks and getting to know each other a bit better, they parted ways never to see each other again.... until nearly 100 years later when he had to take over a meeting America couldn't attend to and came face to face with Poppy or as he was now known California.

After several rounds of alcohol and long debates, that might as well be considered screaming matches by some states who were unfortunate enough to walk by Gov Office, they came to agreement that every ten or so years they would spend time together as a couple. Mostly to keep up the marriage act and just in case they need to bullshit something on the fly.

Gov was just happy that he wouldn't have to tell Pennsylvania or Virgina about the fact that he is married and didn't invite them. Or his brother.

*as a kind of edit, it's not that gov and Cali haven't seen each other before that but it was rare and only for few apperences. Why the congressmen didn't out gov? Gov is scary mothefucker who then was growing stronger day by day, the choice between death and life was easier to make even if they weren't happy about it.

Which speaking off, in this au I wanted to have countries to exist as well sooooo here is small breakdown of Gov "fam":

Pennsylvania and Virgina as "parents" not exactly but those two helped him out the most when he first came around so they have this relationship of sorts. Mostly it consists of Pennsylvania riling Gov up and Virginia trying to calm them and bring peace but I do imagine that the two are somewhat protective of gov and will beat his ass second they learn he didn't invite them to a wedding.

America as in personification of the country (separate from the states) being older brother of sorts to Gov, think Hetalia or CH hybrid. No I don't have design for his in mind apart from Big boi full of himself who is protective over states but in asshole roundabout way.

Cali on the other hand was human turned into state. His general backstory for this au is that he was human born in Spain meant to marry someone he didn't want as he had fallen in love with someone his family didn't approve off. To rebel they married in secrets torched down the whole town as they ran away on a horseback, got to America and into Oregon trail (which they sometimes left to explore the country before returning) and settled into the new land that promised lots of gold. Few years passed as they settled, drama happened somewhat and Poppy/Cali end up being detained for murder of their husband and hanged. Few days later he crawls out of the grab using skeleton pieces of his husband he had been buried with (hello COD community can u see where I got it from) and it derails into like 1800s where Cali who was still going by Poppy married gov randomly cause might as well get those sweet tax evasion in early and yes the rings he used where his and his late then husband (who is reincarnated soul so he keeps his memories when he dies and reborn, in modern times he had set up bakery in Washington and is flirting with a politician that frequents his bakery.)

Gov and Cali worked out they married each other in 1923 but it was like that umbrella academy meme :

They both were like wait a fucking minute why aren't you dead and then had the whole office screaming match.

I mentioned it earlier but every 10 years they pick some dates where they allow themselves to be like married couple. It started out with them knowing each other better the first few times and it derail into different activities raging from dinner dates to cute murder dates.

They don't try to hide it too much but no one apart from Utah really picked up on it's Why Utah? I thought it be funny. That's it that's the reason.

Both encourage each other to chase after their crushes (Gov has crush on Florida Louisiana and DC but will deny it harder then he denies having emotions and Cali is crushing on NY and Texas (maybe Oklahoma but that's a crackship so ignore that for now Lmao) but will deny it whilst being a simp to gov face) and honestly end goal is some weird poly couple cause I adore poly couples and think there is big potential for fun dynamic. Maybe I will get into it later.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

General rules for most of my aus that I will follow:

Kind of height chart mostly to explain how I see it. So, Countries are bigger then states/regions even the smallest country is taller by an inch or two, like even Alaska whilst the tallest state would be smaller then a country, which yes it means that countries are borderline giants but they can adjust their height to become slightly more human. They have special dimension of sorts to hold their own meeting but if they have to meet up with their human politicians or just humans in general they get to be more 'human' as to not freak anyone out.

Then you have states and regions of a country. Similar rules apply but obviously each country is just slightly different. They are second tallest to reflect their status as a region but obviously their height flu crusted bases on their territory. Nothing much to add here but cities are smaller then states.

With "organisations" such like well Gov, FBI, CDC and so on welllbdbd depends? I imagine Gov as being seoerete from DC and IDC (will explain soon) but general rule of thumbs is that manifestation of government is taller then the country state/region or malleable to what they want in the moment. FBI and CDC are a bit more human like cause they work with humans most often but they sometimes make people feel uncanny bc it's clear they just aren't fully human. Hard to explain but yeah.

DC And IDC! Those two were humans turned immortal cause I think it be funny. They are twins but gained immortality in slightly different ways. IDC was turned immortal bc FBI and CIA took liking to her and the fact that they got some of that hot international gossip that America wouldn't share with them and I imagine as a 'human' she was from either of their agencies or at least worked together with them long enough they decided that yeah she can stay longer. Not sure if that makes any sense.

DC on the other hand was a fed that was supposed to get the states to work together during the meetings in the pandemic which worked. He mostly gained immortality bc either Florida convinced Louisiana to fuck around and find out or Gov saw states devastated that they favourite fed isn't there anymore so he decided to grant DC the immortality to keep states happy but he joined more meetings and ran some of them as well as DC recovered from Jan 6th.

So DC and Gov are separate with Gov having worked mostly near president and doing paperwork from the meetings DC ran but he has been getting involved a bit more with states recently with DC running smaller meetings or hanging out with IDC.

Unless it's specified, most of family relations from Marriage au apply, as in Gov + Ame = kind of brothers, IDC and DC human twins turned immortal through two different means

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Poppy explained:

Essentially I took concept of Surfer Cali being SoCal and normal Cali being NoCal and ran with it by adding Hollywood as a Poppy. And mostly bc I hc Cali as FtM but add more wacky magic shit? Main shit to know is that Poppy = Cali but before officially a state

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Poly:

Just me shipping Gov x Cali x NY x Florida x Louisiana x Texas x DC together bc I am addicted at this point to complicated shipping dynamics lmao

This one will go hand in hand with marriage au as Gov and Cali crush on the established group of NY x Florida x Louisiana x Texas x DC and the group slowly going "Wait a second was that hot or am I just horny"

My favourite stuff from those interactions is Cali teasing Gov about crocodile wrangling out of nowhere with Gov talking about hot and cold meats out of nowhere in turn. Utah was ready to book an exorcism for the two but after being witness to the two bullshiterry he would rather book a cupid or therapist for them.

Crack™Poly:

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Literary same thing like above but with Oklahoma bc I think it be hilarious and I have personal investment in Oklahoma and Texas fighting like usual but both agreeing they need to bag Cali and others before anyone else realises they are good potential partners.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Poly-Nation Au

All States are dating each other. Mostly for either requests or ideas taken from Wtttcord that don't fit in my Aus or I just wanna write something

[sweetswesf]

Hey, Y'all!

Making progress. Learning a lot. Really glad I decided to take that API course. Just when I get anxious with it or think "I already know this...they're probably not going to test this," I come across something I haven't learned before or I get more context on something that I already knew to make it clearer in my mind, which is a plus. I am about 6.5 hours in to the 19 hour course, which is slower than I want to be, but I just have to be patient...

I'm pretty tired. I'm often negotiating with myself of what I want to focus on (exercising, eating, APIs, system design, data structures & algos, practice interviewing, actual interviewing, recruiter screens, helping someone, maintaining my relationships both familial and friend, paying bills, managing bank accounts, food shopping, getting sun, personal hygiene, mental breaks) . Oftentimes it can feel a bit chaotic. I'm just hoping this effort & time is spent wisely on the right things.

(I'm on God's timing, but that thought stream made me think of this fire song :))

I had an interview today, and although I'm improving on the coding portion of interviews, I still feel like I have a ways to go...Even during it, I knew I could have done better and I got mad at myself and maybe even asked, "Why do I keep stumbling over small stuff like this?" I have had so much practice. Am I burned out? The only thing I know right now is just to keep trying, but it sometimes feels like I'm reverting in some areas sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm making progress, others I'm like, I know I know this, why isn't it coming to me right now. I don' t know man. I just have to keep trying.

I was a bit lonely and wanted to reach out to that guy, believe it or not. Just felt really desperate. My past self would have. But I was strong and didn't. I know God has something better for me. Today, I matched with a dude on Hinge. He checks almost every box...I'm just...he doesn't give me butterflies...it may be good for practice but, I really don't want to settle. Maybe I will like him more after getting to know him? That's usually the case for me, but idk...I don't want to block potential opportunities to meet someone knew, especially since marriage is a goal. I don't know...I want to marry like a prince or something. I've never had a boyfriend, I want to do a lot of things in life, and I have been waiting so long that I don't mind waiting. This is what makes it hard for me to date. My standards are high, I don't feel like I'm bringing enough to the table right now to support something like that, and it's just not a priority right now. Not going to get into the marriage stats for Black women, but I refuse to repeat the cycle of ANY woman I know in my family...

I even talked to both of my parents this weekend and we're on better terms. Sure, I could make them feel what they made me feel, but I need to get my mind and soul free so I don't block blessings. Even if you do nothing bad to someone, not getting past it for you can end up hurting you in the long run, especially if you mentally dwell on things like I do.

I hope y'all are keeping well.

[readtherunes]

Letting Go Is Harder Than Taking The Leap

I was always the shy, faltering girl. The girl with too much intelligence and too little resolve. I watched others who arguably, had less raw giftedness and intelligence than I did, leapt into things with wild abandon and somehow came out on the other side successful.

I'd watch them from the safety of my little corner as they took the trip, published the book, changed careers, moved somewhere unfamiliar, took up strange hobbies, and took wild chances on love.

The narrative that repeated itself over and over as I watched these people with a mixture of admiration, fear, and envy was just that they were better at taking the leap than me. That was my issue, I told myself. I'd stand at the edge of the cliff and look down at the shimmering water below, wanting nothing more than to feel myself submerged in it, but I couldn't ever force myself to even let my toes touch the cliff's dusty edge.

"I'm just someone who values security and safety," is what I told myself.

At some point, it became too much, and I found myself finally, at 27 years old, moving across the country to a city where I knew no one -- taking only the belongings that would fit into my 2005 Acura Sedan.

I threw myself into the whirl of the new city and began to meet people who lit me up. For the first time in my life, I had friends. I started dating more ruthlessly, cutting out anyone who triggered the feelings of abandonment and fear that had dominated every single relationship I'd been in since I was 16. I met someone who made me feel like I was jumping into the depths every single day, but I stuck it out, and he's still here. I went to Ireland and drove down the entire coastline, reveling in its emptiness during the off-season. I spend days and days hiking with only my own company, telling myself I could handle anything the wilderness threw at me.

And I told myself that all this progress was because I'd finally figured out how to TAKE THE LEAP, in some sort of Tony Robbin's sort of way, where I pushed my reluctant feet to walk across coals and came out on the other side, sweating and gloating like a kid that shot a winning goal in a soccer game. I had DONE THE THING.

But the reality is much less inspiring. It isn't something people write books about and talk about on podcasts.

The reality wasn't that the leaps of faith changed me. What changed me was letting go of things that were not good for me or things that had just run their course. Every change came about because I had let go of something else first.

When I moved, I did so because I was letting go of a relationship that had kept me in a toxic circle of on again and off again for three years. I sat shaking in my studio apartment after the latest incident, where he had called me a bitch and told me no man could ever live up to my standards. I sat there crying and finally felt a quiet whisper in my mind. "There is nothing else you can do to help him. It is time to let go."

My lease was up next week, and that's when I packed my car and left. I knew the distance would prevent me from being pulled back in. It was final this time.

While I grieved that relationship on a blow-up mattress in my new empty apartment, I finally confronted the trauma from my childhood that had sent me into the arms of men who hated me in the first place.

I wrote my parents a letter, asking them to, among other things, own up to the sexual abuse that had happened in my extended family and to own up to the fact that they had raised me in a right-wing cult.

This pretty much ended my relationship with them. They could only relate to me as a small, watered-down, broken version of myself. They could not form a relationship with who I was as an adult. I had always just been an extension of them. The prodigal daughter who would one day come back and get married and have kids and settle into a deeply isolated religious life.

I finally realized after years of begging and trying to get through to them that nothing would ever work. They would never be able to see me as an independent being apart from them. I would never have the normal family I saw everyone around me having.

I spent days and weeks and months grieving that too.

But the space that was created when I finally let myself face the loss of what I wanted with my parents and my ex -- a thing that had never even existed--that space was filled by new friends, new passions, new love.

And now, I am sitting in my living room, packing to move my entire life to San Diego. When I visited to make the decision of whether I wanted to move, I knew it was time. The past four years of healing were done, and it was time for the next leap. It was time to be in a larger, creative community.

Then I got home to my life near the mountains and felt the old fear creep up again. This place has been good to me. The mountains gave me the solace I needed to build myself back up piece by piece and start to take chances. The community I made here became my real family.

And still. I knew it was time to go. This phase was done, and it was time to move to the next, while still having nothing but love for this place that gave me the space to grow into myself.

So, I'm sitting here now, packing my clothes into boxes. Looking out at the mountains on the horizon, getting ready for the next leap, but first, letting go of something I still want to grasp onto. Letting myself grieve, but loosening my grip and clearing out my hands to hold something new.

[c00kiejar]

I've been thinking

I've thought about this for a good, long while, and I just need to get it out there somehow. I have a journal, but nobody I know can see that. I know it's very unlikely anyone I know will see this, much less talk to me about it, but I want it out there so anyone who asks can know. As mentioned in the tags, warning for suicide and depression.

For a good while now - like, 4+ years now - I've been fighting what I assume is depression. I'm not diagnosed or anything, so I don't claim it actually is depression, however it's at the very least very similar. This, combined with my (diagnosed this time) social anxiety has led to some fun experiences such as believing those I love hate me, never letting my guard down, the absolute worst days I could have mentally at work, and the topic of this post: suicidal thoughts.

I want to make this abundantly clear: I have absolutely no intent to kill or even harm myself as of writing this. I have bought a rope and tied it into a noose, I have access to my Dad's gun storage footlocker, and I have enough other ways to go out quickly and relatively painlessly that, should I really want to die, I could. However, I haven't done anything yet. Nothing even remotely close, in fact. Don't worry that I might, because I won't. I can't.

With that out of the way, let's discuss these thoughts. They appear whenever they please, and stay for variable amounts of time. There is no direct cause that I can discern aside from the obvious. They typically take the form of me just shutting down and being unable to do much of anything, and are basically what it says on the tin; I contemplate killing myself. I run through scenarios in which I go through with it, seeing the aftermath of my death, the ways people would react. I run through the outcomes and weigh their likelihood (highest being my whole family being devastated and furious with my parents for sitting idly while they knew this was happening). I even run through the unlikely ones such as nobody caring, or them never finding my body. I run through each one I can think of to some extent. Not all in one go, but I have thought of most outcomes by now. After that, I weigh whether it's truly worth it in the end. The answer is usually yes (I live in mental pain and watch everyone around me live in some level of mental or physical pain, I have no achievable goals or dreams, and I can hardly function as a human being are the top contributors), however there is consistently one thing that stops me: My own fear. All the reasons to die only barely outweigh the reasons to live to begin with (I estimate it being around 45% stay 55% die), however my fear of what comes next and what will happen after my death keep me in check no matter what.

It really is just another way that fear rules my life. I fear trying new things so I settle for the status quo. I fear letting people down so I belittle myself. I fear death so I live. It's all tied together by my own fear and anxiety, and it rules my life with an iron fist comparable to that of Stalin. I'll be free of it when the iron fist's wielder finally dies, and that wielder is myself. It's a cycle. I fear everything so I want death. Fear of death refuses to let me die. Repeat. It's kind of morbidly funny when you stop and think about it; The reason I want to die is the reason I live.

Beyond the suicidal thoughts, there are days when I wake up feeling fine, get out of bed and instantly lose any motivation to exist for the day. I only sometimes grab a bit to eat and then head straight back to bed. I either turn on my Switch and watch YouTube on there, or pull out my laptop for the same reason but with headphones. These days are far more common than the suicidal ones, and are what most of my days are like.

I'm no longer pessimistic, at least. I've embraced optimism and can look at the future brightly. That is, a future where I don't factor in myself. I never include myself because I can never be certain whether tomorrow will be the day I finally crack and kill myself. It could be today, could be tomorrow, could even be 16 years from now. All I know is that I never include myself in any future I think up because I don't know when I'll finally do it.

That's not to say that I plan on doing it, however. I fully plan on having my ways out should it ever come to that, but do not plan on ever using those ways out. I never will do it unless the senate inside my head gains a larger majority in favor of death.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't want to stay alive, but I'll also be the first to tell you that I can't bring myself to kill myself.

Anyways, I'm sorry for rambling and bringing everyone down with me. I hope everyone can forget about this post and enjoy their days as if it was never there. Thank you.

[sevinchashirova]

Finding Meaning (by Sevinch Ashirova)

I had a chat with a couple of colleagues about our jobs. I wasn’t surprised when we shared the same sentiment about life and work: the things we do daily don’t give us joy.

I felt relieved when I learned that my colleagues don’t find their jobs meaningful. I am not the only one. That was my first reaction. The longer I pursue my career, the more I feel it’s just a job. Whenever I moved to a new company, initially, it was always exciting and fun. But it’ll be just another job over time.

I am grateful to be where I am now; this was my dream. But this routine became mundane. Life became stressful. And I started to question myself, is this how it will be until I retire?

The golden handcuffs

Every day I wake up, shower (or not), work for 8 hours, and repeat. When I think about my job, I can only think about how bleak my life is. It’s monotonous.

But if I zoom out and look at it holistically, my job gave me more than that. I got paid to do the job that I (used to) enjoy doing, am entitled to bonuses and paid time off, and the job provides stability.

And these days, having a stable job is a privilege. So what am I still complaining about?

My colleague told me what I feel is called “the golden handcuffs”. I am trapped in a luxurious castle called a company. I don’t hate to be here, because being here keeps me alive. But it’s suffocating, because being here doesn’t bring me joy.

I believe a lot of us feel the same thing. Even though we are free to leave, we feel trapped. The door is open, but we can’t leave.

These are the golden handcuffs.

Finding meaning

I have always done my best and worked hard. After all, everyone says that is the key to happiness. That’s what all the books say. So I worked hard. I gave it all until I could be where I wanted to be. My dreams and goals became my fuel.

And initially, it was great to be there. It was new, I was living my dream, and sometimes I couldn’t believe I was there. I was happy.

But the feeling wore off after a few years. Work became a chore, and life became more and more stressful. If you work too hard, you’ll get sick and burned out. If you slack around too much, you’ll get fired. Then what the f#ck am I supposed to do at work?

Once you arrive at your destination, it will not be as peaceful as you thought. Or it might be until it isn’t anymore. Then you’ll look for something else.

That’s how I realised that working hard and chasing dreams won’t bring me happiness anymore. Ultimately, the journey to find a meaningful life is more meaningful than the destination itself.

Different meaning

To live a meaningful life is to seek something you believe would make you happier. To live a life that brings you joy. To wake up with excitement and enthusiasm.

For some, it’s to achieve their goals and dreams. It’s a destination that they want to go to — the place they want to be. In the beginning, this is what most people want: fulfilling their dreams.

But a meaningful life can be more loosely defined.

You might find meaning in growth. You may or may not need a goal as the destination. But the sole purpose is to experience growth–to experience life. Once you reach your destination, you’ll search for other things. Because what brings you joy and excitement is the challenge of a new journey.

In other stages of life, meaning can be stability and comfort. Not everyone pushes for growth and changes in their lives. And some people might be happy when they have just enough. So they seek comfort. It’s a realistic point of view. We seek to live comfortably, build a family, settle down, and grow old.

A meaningful life differs for each person. It depends on our situation, stages of life, age, and passion. I can list down a hundred things that define a meaningful life, and you may not find it significant because it can be anything.

In the end, you are the one who knows what’s meaningful to you.

I used to dream of being where I am today.

But now that I’m here, I can’t find meaning in what I do.

As I grew and learned about myself, I started to see life differently.

To me now, it’s no longer about the destination.

It’s about why I am going there.

And here’s a question:

What’s your definition of a meaningful life?

I hope you find this post inspiring.

And whenever life feels too much, remember:

It’s not going to be easy,But it’s not impossible.

[iwasyouonce]

how do people do this "studying" and "preparing for exams" and "going to university soon" shit because i am THIS close to calling it quits and just idk wAstiNG away because I am not THRIVING as I should.

Why is thriving a privilege...I don't want to settle for just getting by and living day by day. I want to enjoy life, I want to be happy, I want to explore and learn and have fun. Why is it that once I became sentient the life grind started?!?!?

I was a kid but I was studying to get into the next grade. Rinse repeat for all your childhood years and then extra pressure to go to uni. Uni is studying so you can graduate with a degree. Then you (hopefully) use the degree to go find a job. Then you do the job till you have enough money (hopefully) and then retire. Then only when you retire you have time to sit around. But by that time you're prob old and frail and too sick and tired of life because your youthful desires and dreams were extinguished long ago.

seriously like fuck all of this. life is hard for people in general (except the rich and mega rich lets be honest) i have a literal disability and normal life is so much harder in general. the "light at the end of the tunnel" feels like it is said by people who made it to the end of the tunnel because they have support systems (family, money, opportunities, status) that sustained them through the tunnel to get to the end.

bro i am so tired, i don't want to walk through the tunnel. why is it a tunnel. some people are walking through the tunnel and some people have cars to get through it. like not everyone starts out at equal places, and "working harder" or "have a better mentality" won't cut it anymore.

It feels that my only goal in life is to earn money so I can live. "But life isn't just money" uhhh no shit it's not, but it IS all about money when you don't have any money anymore. And so much is dependent on you having a stable job/income. Like actually what-

Happiness shouldn't be a privilege.

[mcbex]

**Who's yoke?**

Oh Rest, how I loathe you!

Last week started off with conflict. First world problems really. I've been eating a steady diet of Mom-Employee-Wife, squeeze in a little marathon training rinse and repeat. The whole thing came to a head last week when the battle became Family time VS Training time. I chose family time of course and put the training on hold until later in the day. But when you try to put 10 pounds of life into a 5 pound bag it's bound to explode on you, even if it's just a little. After all I can't be all the things I want to be or sometimes even need to be all the time.

Here's where last weeks story begins, with me crying in my car because I'd come to the end of what I could physically do. Knowing I needed more training but having nothing left give for myself. Unless you count absolute exhaustion. After several minutes of self destruction I gathered my thoughts and came to my senses... this race is not tomorrow and today (that day) I needed rest. Piles of it. I decided I would take the week off to regroup. I cleared my schedule, my brain and my life. Training plans be damned the only thing I obviously needed was an extreme pause.

I came home directly but Sunday afternoon was hard as I grappled with the idea that regardless what happened I would take the full week to decompress. Monday came and I can tell you I had to be intentional leaving the house with only lunch and a book. I was unsure. Taking intermission is not my strong suit. However settling in I found the pressure was melting away and all I really needed was to take more time.

Still Tuesday I had to take a deep breath. I packed my lunch, a book and left behind the sneakers that would help me drive back the feelings of slacking. I was successfully able to stay conscious in my choice to maintain this new goal, this strange goal of rest.

I came home Tuesday night to kids who had curiously cleaned the kitchen, started dinner and were now encouraging me back into the training program I felt I needed to ignore. My son ever so sweetly nudging me..."Mom, we've got this, go train". I listened to my boy and went for it. Feeling better and supported I had a new mind set to consider.

I spent the rest of the week thinking about resting and pressure and correlating that with what goes on inside my head. Physically and mentally I can make myself sick at times. How I react with the world in regard to these factors makes a difference in how I present myself. If I want to be a good Wife/Mom/Employee/Friend and have time for myself the right parts of me need to show up. I can't do that with out rest. Unfortunately. I kept circling back to God. His words were like a blinking street light reminding me to rest in him. His yoke, his plans, his strength. He asks us to seek refuge in him. He tells us that he may not fix it but he will see us throughout if we keep our heads and have faith in him. Sometimes just taking a deep inhale and telling him I need his help is enough of a release to help me keep my demeanor.

So after a long week of avoiding the rest I desperately knew I needed I found myself unlikely in my favorite seat on the planet.... at church. Walking in I was alone, no kids, no friends. Feeling awkward in my clothes I was lightly estrange because I hadn't been there in weeks. I let the feelings come and prayed. I'm sure you know the feeling of being out of place. I thought for a moment I should have used my time more wisely(but what is better than time in worship?). As we stood to sing and welcome in the message of the day all of it melted away. I found the rest in the Lord I had looked for all week. Rest time he offered me and showed me how to get throughout the week. It wasn't that I couldn't do all the things I wanted and needed to do. I just need clear expectations.

Have you met the extremes of yourself? The point where you come to end of what you have to give and no longer have to choose Christ because he is your only hope. Although I did not give myself the time I vowed I need, I found the mind set. I let the extreme of it wash over like a wave. I gave myself the permission I would have given anyone else. Authority to take it at my own speed, not my own perceived speed. In this process I found support from family, friends and most importantly I found Christ at the front of my ship steering me into the wave as it rushed in.

Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God,

Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Exodus 33:14 The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

[yandere-sins]

Hiii, it's my first time here !! I wonder if you could ask my question, if possible of course of Yandere Geralt of Rivia...

Imagine a scenario where the reader is from our world and went to Geralt's world, then the reader find him at him and tells his story and asks for help to return to his home... Of course, as time goes by, Geralt becomes "sick with love " for the reader to the point of becoming Yandere.

Note: the reader sees Geralt as best friend or older brother.

Thanks for your request ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««     

You were simply relieved you weren’t alone. 

There were a lot of terrible things that could happen to you, reaching from being mauled by a monster to cut down by a sword, and so, so many gruesome things more. Whatever Geralt saw in you, you were glad it didn’t make him leave you alone to your misery, no matter how strange you were.

Truthfully, you weren’t even a good choice as a squire, but aside from grumbling about your unhelpfulness when it came to battle, Geralt hadn’t driven you away. Despite being rough around the edges, he truly was the hero you needed in your predicament, and for that, you were thankful. 

Whatever you could do, you did, may it be fetching water or helping set up a tent. While the life of a traveling witcher was nothing you wished to pursue forever, you put up with everything you could so that you wouldn’t end up on your own again. The first week spent stumbling through the wild and running from monsters had been enough bad experience in this world for you. Now, your mind was only on one thing: Getting home.

It probably was a luxury to have Geralt’s help in not dying and achieving your goal, but all the more, you were relieved that whatever power made you fall into this strange world had enough mercy to send you this angel of a man. No matter how many dirty, uncomfortable looks you got for being with him whenever you two came into a town, you would endure them, knowing Geralt was the key to make this situation just a memory and send you back home to your family.

Home. It sounded heavenly. 

You sighed deeply, slowly awaking from your slumber. It couldn’t have been long that you fell asleep, the campfire still burning lively next to you. You still felt tired, but something was different than usual. Heavy even.

Pulling down the blanket you had wrapped yourself with, you saw the big arm laying around you, making you realized the heat of a second body in your back. Geralt never slept closer than necessary to you, but without the need to guess, he was definitely sleeping right beside you, spooning you from behind. 

With a flushing heat rising to your face, you were too embarrassed to say anything, even though his arm alone was too heavy to fall asleep with again. He might have accidentally fallen asleep next to you after having some drinks before bed and mistaken you for someone to cuddle up to. But waking him wasn’t an option. Geralt struggled with his sleep enough as it is; you wouldn’t dare to interrupt him and cause a scene. But the reality was very different from what you assumed. 

You heard him take a deep breath as he buried his face into the nape of your neck, not shy to pull away the fabric covering you and pushing his face into your skin. As you listened to him mutter your name, you felt a cold shudder run down your spine, but you tried not to make him notice you were awake. “[Name], [Name], [Name]...” he mumbled, and you bit your lip. The way he said your name always made it sound reproachful, despite you not remembering what you did wrong that day. 

“Look at you, letting your guard down. Don’t you know that I...”

His voice trailed off as you felt him shift suddenly. You reacted quickly, pretending to be fast asleep with your eyes closed and lips slightly parted innocently. Geralt let out a small chuckle before you felt him reach over you, dragging his thumb over your lip. “What are you dreaming about? Your heart is racing.”

Realizing you forgot the first thing about Witcher - their heightened senses - you didn’t know how to help yourself other than stirring a little in your sleep, putting on a frown. Sure enough, that made him halt in his tracks and back away a little, as if he feared you waking up. Only when you settled down again did Geralt relax as well, returning to his spooning position. 

“Seriously...” he kept muttering. “How am I supposed to go on like this? Every time we meet a Sorceress, I am afraid she will have a way to send you home.”

Something about his words gave you a sad impression. Almost as if parting would hurt him, but you weren’t sure if this was just your impression or if the tiny bit of his past that he told you about actually gave him this fear. In your eyes, Geralt was fearless and kept his composure no matter what, but what if you had misjudged him?

“I’d like to keep you all to myself. Lock you up and never let you go. Maybe when we get to Kaer Morhen, I could--”

This time, his voice halted suddenly, and he rose again from behind you. “Are you awake?” he asked, quiet still as if he was hoping you were asleep after all. You simply remained in your pretend sleep, taking an audible breather and hoping it would fool him. He remained in this careful stiffness for a while before he finally drew back. Immediately, you were surrounded by the chilly air of the night as his body disappeared, but before you dared to attempt to move around, you heard more of his mumbles.

“No, I can’t. I shouldn’t... It’s not right...”

What couldn’t he do?

You were ready to blame all the gibberish you had just heard on the mead you two had before bed, but the questions didn’t seem to stop circling your mind. Geralt seemed to fall asleep somewhere a bit further away, while you felt wide awake now. You couldn’t believe that Geralt - of all people! - could have developed any kind of feelings for you. But why else would he be worried about your return? Why would he say those things about locking you up?

Way too freaked out, you tried to make sense of what you had witnessed. Certainly, he didn’t want you to be awake as it went down, but now that you knew, you were left conflicted. Part of you kept getting goosebumps as you remembered the feeling of his face pressed into your shoulder and his words echoing in your ear. The other part tried to justify it with any and all reasons like the alcohol, loneliness maybe. There was no sleep for you after all, and Geralt kept stealing irritated glances at you the following day until he finally asked, “Are you okay?” 

You flinched after being suddenly addressed, not even your exhaustion able to tear you out of your thoughts that still pondered about the last night. “Oh, yeah! I’m fine,” you tried to assure him, and he contemplated your response for a bit before replying, “There’s this place we should go to next. Maybe we can find some books on portals there.”

“Sounds good,” you chuckled. Nervosity spread inside of you as you hoped he didn’t mean the place that he was talking about last night. 

“I grew up there. You might even be able to sleep in a bed for a change. Kaer Morhen is also safe and...”

After that part, your mind simply shut off as the word kept repeating over and over in your head. Kaer Morhen. Kaer Morhen. Kaer Morhen. Kaer Morhen.

Kaer Morhen, lock up, never let go.

“...and it isn’t far from here,” he finished his explanation, looking at you as he waited for an answer while you could feel the horror showing in your expression. The red flags were so abundantly clear by now, but you absolutely refused to think this way about him. He wasn’t a bad man, he would never... or?

There were a lot of terrible things that could have happened to you on this journey, but you had put all your trust into Geralt to keep you safe. To help you. To be a companion so you wouldn’t be lonely. And until the end, you hoped Geralt wouldn’t turn out to be the monster or the sword you feared so much.

But who could tell what he’d do when he finally had a taste of living out the things he desired?