#my drafts have a lot of me Contemplating them so apparently past me had some Feelings

[mrs-nubenueve]

udai and akaashi facetiming over why akaashi thought it was absolutely necessary to strike out an overly-indulgent exposition scene but udai gets distracted bc why tf is akaashi. who drinks caffeinated beverages like water. who pays no heed to how well his meal of choice corresponds to the time of day/night. who he swore was deathly allergic to non-processed convenient store and non-fast food. is so obviously and so carefully meal prepping well-balanced and objectively healthy meals in cutesy matching tupper sets.

[mymelodyheart]

Miles Between Us Chapter 1 ~Stories She Wrote~

PICTURE SOURCE

PART 2 OF  WONDERWALL SERIES

Hey guys, I'm back and thrilled to give you part 2 of WONDERWALL series, Miles Between Us. It is a continuation from my holiday ficlet, All I Want For Christmas Is You. If you haven't read the first part, I suggest you do if you wish to get an insight into Jamie and Claire’s history (Here is the link) Otherwise, this ficlet can also be read as a stand-alone.

I know All I Want For Christmas Is You ending was bittersweet, but it had to be done. Otherwise, there wouldn't have been a Part 2 in this series. I had to leave the story open to possibilities if it is to have a chance of growing. And besides, making this into a series allows me to take breaks from writing and refresh my brain in-between ficlets. So I hope this next part of the story will make up for leaving you hanging all these weeks.

Anyway, before you continue, I'd like to thank you for reading, commenting and giving feedback to my stories. They're all very appreciated even if I sometimes don't comment back. As a hobby writer, I always look forward to your response, and they spur me to continue writing. Without the readers, I wouldn't be here. So thank you for being part of my writing journey.

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

So now everything is said, without further ado, I wish you all happy reading. ❤️

 Previously ...

Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp and James Fraser met and fell in love during the Holiday Seasons. Unfortunately for their budding relationship, after two weeks of a whirlwind romance, Claire has to return to London to finish some work commitment that could take a year to fulfil. It doesn't help matters that Jamie's PTSD condition prevents him from visiting her as loud city noises can trigger panic attacks. They are both in love with each other and are willing to find out where their relationship will head to. But can they find a compromise to bridge the gap of hundreds of miles to give their love a chance?

    After sitting on her bed most of Saturday working on her laptop, Claire Beauchamp rolled her neck and stretched her back, her arms extending above her head. She flinched when her joints cracked. 

Over the past few days, her boss, John Grey, forwarded manuscripts and drafts from the author she was working with. She hadn't eaten anything all day, and her stomach was beginning to grumble, and her eyes blurry from reading.

She'd read so much in the past hours, she was practically cross-eyed, and the bridge of her nose hurt where her specs rested. Words upon words had sifted through her brain, but now the lines were beginning to blur together.

She glanced back down on her laptop and opened a file in her document folder, her eyes scanning through lines she knew by heart. She'd been going through her own work lately wondering if she had what it takes to be a writer. Someone who would give her an honest opinion ought to read it before contemplating getting herself a literary agent if she was to start a new chapter of her life and take that leap of faith in her dream career.

A sudden urgency took over, and she needed Annalise to read her work, like right now. Which reminded Claire, her friend was away with Willie, shopping and sight-seeing. He was staying over their place for the weekend for the first time since she and Annalise left Lallybroch. After declining their invitation to join them earlier, the loved-up couple left her to her work with the promise of dinner when they returned.

She was about to reach out for her cold coffee from the bedside table when Raiders of the Lost Ark's theme song blared from her phone. At the same time, a picture of her uncle Lamb appeared on the screen. He was wearing a high-crowned, wide-brimmed, weather-beaten fedora hat and had a lopsided grin plastered to his thickly stubbled face. Rugged, she thought, just like her favourite pair of distressed leather boots, and very Indiana Jones.

Smiling, she tapped the answer button and put the phone on speaker. "Uncle Lamb! Long time no speak!" 

"Sweetheart," he started in a deep familiar voice, "how are you?"

She frowned and pushed her laptop aside. Something was off. "Oh you know, same old ...just finishing work and ..." 

"On a Saturday?" he asked, cutting her off.

"Look who's talking."

He chuckled. "You're young. You should be out. There are so many things to do in London ...especially on a Saturday. "

Claire rolled her eyes but opted to change the subject instead. She wasn't ready to give her reason for working overtime nor share her future plans nor talk about the handsome Scot she met during her holidays. Not just yet, anyway. "So ...to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice, dear uncle?"

"What?" he said gruffly, pretending to sound offended. "Can't I call my favourite girl in the world and check up on her?" 

She mentally sighed. Something must be up since her uncle never called. It was always she who usually phoned, and when he did call on a rare occasion, it was either because something had happened or he was in London. She dismissed the latter since she knew he was in Papua New Guinea. The next conclusion she landed on was his health but thought it absurd. Her uncle was strong as an ox, ate healthily, only smoked the occasional cigar and regularly went for doctor's check-up, a requirement in his job as an archaeologist travelling to remote places.

Unless. "You sound suspiciously chipper. Let me guess ...you met someone. There's a woman in your life." 

He coughed like he was choking on a drink. "No! Why would you say that?" 

Alright, he sounded repulsed by the idea enough. Or was that denial? "I don't know. You seem so ...how shall I say it ...unlike yourself. You normally skip the niceties and get to the point." 

He lets out an impatient breath. "Claire, darling, am I really that awful?"

"No," she replied, ignoring the ache in her throat. She missed their time together but tried not to make it apparent in her tone. He was a busy man, and the last thing she wanted was her uncle worrying. "You don't seem like you're rushing off to anywhere. It's rare you sound this relax."

"It's way past my bedtime already," he sighed. "And besides, work is on stand-by at the moment until we get the license to start digging on site. People here are so damn laid back, and nobody seems to be in a hurry to process the paperwork. I'm not about to hand out cash to speed things along even if bribery is rampant here."

"I see. So you're in Port Moresby then?"

"Yes. As soon as we have the license sorted out, we'll be flying to Lae first thing tomorrow. Hopefully, anyway." He cleared his throat. "Speaking of paperwork, I received an email from my lawyer. Your trust fund has matured, dear. I'll send you the details where to go to and who to contact, and maybe you can start planning your life. Perhaps take a sabbatical and travel with me if you wish."

Ah yes, the trust fund. 

After her parents died, everything they had owned was put into her trust fund by her uncle to secure her future. She'd already received a small lump sum when she turned eighteen, and the money had afforded her, though small and cramped, a decent rental two-bedroom apartment in London with high windows, which was premium in this expensive city. And Annalise, her best friend and roommate made enough money to help pay the ridiculous expensive utility bills. Her own wage just about covered the other expenses with almost nought left for savings, but she hadn't worried knowing there was money in place in her name. She was counting on it to support herself when she pursued her dreams of writing.

"About that, I think I'll let that sit in the bank for a while. It's not like I need the money right now, nor do I have the time to spend it."

"As you wish," her uncle replied. "And another thing I need to discuss with you ...South Lodge ..."

"What about South Lodge?" South Lodge should have been her family home if her parents hadn't died, and she knew it was a highly coveted property because of its historical significance. It was never put into the market for sale since her uncle thought it wasn't his place to decide. It was put on a twenty-year lease to a high profile politician, its payments going towards her trust fund.

"The lease is up, and the occupants will be moving out soon. Unfortunately for you, that information made it to the local news and you were mentioned as the legatee. So don't be surprised if you're bombarded with offers now that your name is out. I'm willing to bet, property investors and developers will be itching to get their hands on it."

Claire took off her specs and pinched the bridge of her nose. God, she hated adulting, paperwork and dealings with lawyers. Maybe she should just sell South Lodge and be done with it, so she could concentrate on her future plans. What do I need a five-bedroom house with one acre of garden in Oxford for? "I'll think about it, uncle. I just have a lot of things going on at the moment. I'm quite sure those things can wait."

"Of course dear."

"Thank you for letting me know." She thought of Jamie, and the Highlands and how much life was a lot simpler there. She really needed to double her effort to tie up loose ends in London and have a heart to heart talk with Annalise. Is her relationship with Willie serious? If not, her friend would have to eventually find a new roommate. After quickly glancing at her bedside clock, she realised they would be here soon and hopefully with a takeaway. Annalise did mention something about sorting dinner out tonight.

"And Claire?"

"Yes?"

"Your upbringing hasn't been the most ideal. Enjoy the money and treat yourself. Don't spend your life doing things that don't bring you joy."

She smiled. Her uncle must have had a rude awakening of some sort to sound so philosophical. Or probably, he did meet someone special. Either way, she wasn't going to push for any answers for now. She really needed to get out of bed, do a few stretches and have a shower before Annalise, and Willie arrived. "I'll try," she finally said.

"Good. I'll let you get back to whatever you're doing."

"Sadly, yes." She shut her laptop and got out of bed. "Take care of yourself, alright? And I'll phone you sometime next week after I've figured out our time differences." 

"Absolutely, sweetheart. Talk soon." 

"Love you, uncle Lamb." 

"Love you, too." 

She terminated the call with a swipe on her screen and rubbed her eyes. She'd been working for seven hours straight, and her eyeballs felt like they're made of sandpaper. Glancing at the corner table, she smiled when she saw Jamie's gifts. Willie had brought them with him when he arrived last night from Inverness. She knew Jamie was making up for his absence, but it couldn't be helped when there's the danger of his PTSD condition worsening in the city. To her delight and surprise, he'd sent her a leather-bound journal, a framed selfie photo of them together, driftwood bookends he made and a box of her favourite Lindt chocolate.

With a contented sigh, she made a mental note to call Jamie after dinner. And to ask her boss first thing Monday morning if she could take her work to Scotland the following weekend to surprise her boyfriend. After all, she was just taking her uncle's advice, and after the work, she'd put in the last couple of weeks, and the extra hours she planned to do the next few days, she deserved a little joy in her life.

..........

Claire leaned forward, and nervously examined her best friend's face. Annalise was hunched down, scrolling her laptop, tongue darting out as she read the paragraphs on the screen. 

What's that look for? Doesn't she like it? She couldn't tell. It was the first time she's showing her work to anyone, one of the stories she had written during her spare time before embarking a career as an editorial assistant for Dreamcatcher Publishing Company. She needed to hear her friend's opinion to know if she even had a small chance of becoming a writer.

Annalise took her sweet time, and Claire wasn't sure if her inscrutable expression was a deliberate act to prolong the suspense, or if she genuinely had no reaction to what she's reading. If it was the latter, Claire would definitely kiss her dream of being a writer goodbye. If it's the former, she's going to strangle her friend for making her suffer. 

She heard the door to the apartment open and close, followed by the sound of keys jangling and heavy footfalls, announcing the arrival of Willie. He'd stopped by to order some food at a local Indian takeaway while Annalise headed straight home to prepare the table for dinner. Instead of calling out to him, she held her breath for Annalise's response. 

Just when Claire was starting to accept her hope of being a writer would never amount to anything other than a pipe dream, she saw the reaction she impatiently waited for. Annalise's mouth formed a comical O, followed by her eyes' widening and random shallow sighs. 

Yessssssss! 

This was massive. Despite Annalise having seen works from established authors Claire had edited for, she'd never witnessed her friend looked this excited. Annalise simply couldn't hide her gobsmacked expression, even if she tried.

"Oh, dear Lord," she whispered, her gaze flicking to Claire and then back to the screen. "Why didn't you tell me you had this? I knew you wanted to be a writer, but this ..."

"So?" 

Annalise took a massive deep breath, her fingers almost shaking. "Oh my God, Claire." 

"Oh my God, wot? Oh my God good or oh my God, bad?" Claire asked, even though she already knew deep in her bones, what the answer was. But she desperately needed to hear the words.

"This is bloody good," she said, as she went back to a previous page, and reread it all over again. After a couple of minutes more, a slow smile started to spread across her face, as she stole a few cheeky glances over at Claire.

Claire knew she could rely on her friend to tell her the truth. If her work had been bad, friend or not, Annalise would have been forthright and told her the hard facts. Nevertheless, she tamped down her own growing excitement. "The question is though ...is it good enough for the mass?" 

Without hesitation, Annalise nodded vigorously, her blue eyes big as saucers. "Oh, Claire, are you kidding me? You really have no idea, have you? Of course, it is! I need to read the rest. Please tell me it's finished." 

Claire relaxed for the first time and slumped back against the headboard of her bed, relief soothing her wild heartbeat. "It's finished."

Annalise let out a whoop as she gripped the laptop tightly. "Oh my God! Give me everything ...I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't read at least one more chapter of this story." 

"I've got ten more finished materials."

"Oh my God, oh my God! You're killing me. I want it all."

Willie poked his head by the frame of the doorway to her bedroom and eyed them suspiciously. She wasn't sure what he expected to find, but his eyes narrowed when he saw Annalise's flushed face. 

"What are ye both up to?" he asked, frowning. "Ye sound like ye're looking at porn on the internet." 

Annalise grinned and motioned him over. "Sort of." 

Willie hesitantly entered the room. "Sorry?"

"In actual fact, much better than porn ..." Annalise announced, smirking at Claire.

"Annalise!" Claire wheezed when it dawned on her, her friend must have been reading the sex scene part.

Annalise reached out and reassuringly squeezed Claire's hand whilst looking at Willie. "Take a look at this. Claire wrote it."

Annalise handed the laptop to Willie, and both of them earnestly watched his face to gauge his reaction. As he sat down on the edge of the bed and read, Claire knew he would be the real test. Willie being a bloke, she didn't expect him to have the same reaction as Annalise, but she hoped he would appreciate the storyline and plot. Claire already understood, if her story was going to be good enough to be published, its success would be based on women's purchasing power. If he liked her style of writing even a smidgen, then she would be laughing. 

Claire held her breath in anxious anticipation, and approximately a minute and a half later, she got her response. 

His eyes bulged out, and then the tips of his ears glowed with red. In all sort of ways, he was so similar to Jamie but yet so different. But there's no mistaking how vibrantly their ears always lit up when they're embarrassed. Or moved. 

"Kind of explicit," he commented hoarsely, before tucking a tongue into his cheek as if trying to find the right words to say. "But it is an intriguing story with great flow and interesting characters. It's no' the genre I would typically read, but the first few paragraphs of what I've seen so far are riveting. It makes me want to read more."

Annalise, enthusiastically nodded in agreement and waved a hand in the air. "There it is." 

"Ye have a gift, Claire," Willie added, eyes still fixed on the screen and working overtime as his focus became more intense. "The dose of mystery ye've woven into the lines is remarkable and intelligent."

She felt herself beaming in vindication. "Thank you." 

He briefly glanced up at her. "Now that I remember, Jamie did vaguely mention ye wanted to be a writer."

"That's the plan," she beamed.

"Good. Because if ye can produce something like this, then yer talent is wasted on editing other people's work."

"She's got ten more finished stories," Annalise piped in.

Willie arched an eyebrow at Claire and continued reading, and when he finished, he shook his head and let out a low whistle. "Is Jamie the inspiration for this story?"

Her face heated. "I ...ah ...wrote that years ago. And ...um, I've revised and edited it a million times in the past. I wanted Annalise to read it first and find out if it's good enough to be published."

Annalise grinned at Willie, still looking a little flush like she was having a physical reaction to the few lines she'd read earlier. "So what do you think?"

Willie didn't miss Annalise's excited reaction to the story. "It's verra good but I didnae realised graphic scenes affected ye so much. Ye're beet red!" 

"Only when it's very well written," Annalise smirked, taking the laptop from his hands and moving towards him to sit on his lap. 

Willie pulled Annalise closer and kissed her, and Claire sighed. It's both beautiful and terrible being in the presence of people, so in love. While she's ecstatic to see her best friend smitten and happy, it made her sad that Jamie couldn't be here with her. She missed him terribly, and it's only been a fortnight since she had last seen him.

After a few seconds of watching them unashamedly snogged in front of her, Claire clapped her hands, and they both immediately pulled away. "Right, that's enough you two. So, where's the dinner I was promised?"

Suddenly looking self-conscious, Willie promptly lifted Annalise from his lap, plonked her down onto the bed and jumped up, and Claire couldn't help but grin at him.

"Right on it," he muttered, before disappearing from her bedroom.

Annalise laughed and playfully shoved her shoulder. "Passion killer."

Claire ignored the jest. "So you really think I should publish my story?"

Her friend nodded excitedly. "Absolutely! You should have let me read it sooner. From what I've seen so far, you have good, solid material, and I'm convinced, when I read the rest, it will not disappoint." She stood up and smiled. "Come on, in as much as I'm all fired up after reading your story, I'm famished." She got up and left the room.

Instead of moving from her position, Claire stared at her work for a few seconds and just breathed. Although Willie and Annalise were sincere with their praises, she couldn't help but still feel nervous. This next step in her life could either turn out to be huge, or it could get her mocked out of a dream career she loved. 

Pushing aside her doubts and thinking of Jamie, she quickly compressed a copy of her story's file and sent it to him via email to read, hoping he would like her written work too. Who knew, maybe, after reading it, he would be as fired up as Willie and Annalise. 

After hearing the whoosh of the email sent, Claire launched herself off the bed to join her friends, looking forward to Jamie's reaction later and daydreaming of a future in Scotland with her love.

[fortheloveoffanfic]

One More Weekend With You

Keanu Reeves x Reader (A/n-Was gonna post another one from this set of fics, but this was oh so conveniently edited and forgotten in my drafts)

Summary- Inspired by Tis The Damn Season of the Evermore album

Masterlist 

Warnings- Angst  

It was hard to tell, it had been so long and maybe he'd cut his hair and started wearing his beard lower. Maybe he'd changed the way he dressed- no, not really. Did he always keep his hand in his pocket when he walked? He did, it was definitely him, and there wasn't a chance that her heart was going to let her avoid him. He still had a place there after all. 

Rubbing the cool metal of the key between her fingers, Y/n inhaled deeply, trying to brush off her nerves before making her way through the department store to where Keanu stood. "Ke?" 

And of course, he'd know her voice anywhere. So instead of just turning to see who it was, Keanu smiled despite the wave of pain that usually accompanied the thought of Y/n. Even if their end had been bittersweet, she was still his 'one.' One true love. One person he wanted to see after a bad day. One voice he wanted to hear when he picked up the phone. "Y/n?" He tilted his head, temporarily abandoning the shelves lined with glassware he was looking at, to hug her quickly. It was short, though, not short enough for it to mean nothing. "You're back”.”

"I'm back," she nodded with a soft huff, righting herself and pulling away from their awkward embrace. He’d felt different and the same; like returning to an old playground and realizing that the magic had gone from childish wonder to aching nostalgia. "Just for the holidays though, after New Years its……"

"Back," he determined as his face fell. Why'd he even let himself think she'd come back for good. Out there was her dream…..L.A…..was just him. And he wasn't enough. "Uh…how-how are your folks? I saw them a couple months ago, they were grocery shopping, but I was in such a hurry, I didn't really get a minute to catch up." What he really meant was that he didn't want to see the look on their faces when they had to stand in conversation with the son-in-law they never had and worst yet, he didn't want them to talk about her, so he could hear how well she was doing without him. 

“They’re good. What about your family?” As she spoke, Y/n tried to fight the twinge of regret that accompanied Keanu’s presence. Regret because every time they spoke, the dormant love for him was always reawakened. He told her, a long time ago, that once you started loving someone, if it was real, then it would never go away. And she had learned that he was right the hard way. 

Nodding absently, he stuffed his hands into his pockets again, just to occupy them, “They’re good….” they still ask about you. He inhaled softly, not knowing what to say next. It was uncomfortable, before, just a few years ago, Keanu always knew what to say to her, because he could say anything to her. “So how have you been? How’s work? The job?” The job that you left me for.

“I’ve been okay,” Y/n shrugged, trying to muster up a smile, only just realizing that she wasn’t half as happy as she’d been when they were together. “And work’s……its good, the job’s….” not everything it was cracked up to be, especially since it took me away from you, “Its amazing, still can't believe I got it. What about you?” She stuttered, moistening her lips. 

Keanu observed her curiously, noting how Y/n’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and how she’d kept anxiously toying with her car keys. She always fiddled when she was nervous. “You sure everything’s okay, Y/n?” It was quite likely that it was no longer his place to ask, worst yet to try to fix things if something was wrong, but Keanu hated knowing that something was bothering her. 

He always knew when she was lying. “I…..” Taking a deep breath, Y/n prepared herself to lie anyway, “You know, I’m just….it’s weird to be back, its been a while.”

“Yeah okay,” it was obvious that Y/n wasn’t going to tell him what was going on, not that Keanu could blame her, they had been over for a while by then, she wasn’t obligated to tell him anything. Still, he craved her company and wasn’t willing to let their interaction on such a flustered note. “I don’t know if you have the time, but if you do, maybe we could grab coffee or something, catch up a bit.”

Staring up at him with agape lips and sad eyes, Y/n contemplated for a minute before submitting, she couldn’t imagine saying no anyway, “Sure, okay. I’d like that. The place we usually go to?” She cleared her throat, realizing her mistake as heat rose to her cheeks, “Went to.”

Grinning fondly at her comment, Keanu tried to shake off the memories that the mention of that little coffee shop brought up, they’d had some great times there. “Great,” he determined, deciding that gift shopping could be put on pause for a bit. “It’s not too far from here, we can walk if you’d like.”

“Sounds great.” As they walked, Y/n and Keanu kept a comfortable distance between them. It wasn’t much though, she could still compare his warmth to Los Angeles heat, which had toned down significantly since the start of the holiday season. For a while, the only thing traded between them was silence, though, when they got to the coffee shop, Keanu surprised her by remembering her order to the letter. “You remember,” she mused with a soft soiree, in awe of how he’d held onto the smallest shred of their past.

How was he supposed to tell her that he’d never forget? That he sometimes ordered it for himself, just so the smell could dreg up an innocent memory or two. “You ordered it every time we came here,” he shrugged, glancing away, “And we came here a lot.”

Her gaze weaved through the patrons, eventually finding a wicker table for two near the back of the establishment, with a window view. It was the perfect place for couples to get cozy without receiving judgmental glances and lingering stares. It used to be their table but that afternoon, it was occupied by two strangers who’d never know the history shared between two lovers that had let something so precious escape them. “We did,” she agreed absently, watching the pair share pecks between sips from steaming mugs. That used to be them. 

Noticing her far away look, Keanu found what she’d been looking at. The reminder that holding Y/n in his arms like that was now nothing but part of the past stung and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous of the unknown couple that sat where they once did. “Do you want to walk instead?”

Reluctantly, she nodded, “Sure, lets go.” As they left the shop, Keanu placed his hand on the center of her back in an unconscious gesture and Y/n suppressed a shudder, caught off guard by how instinctively her body had responded by leaning in before her mind could even permit it. “So,” she eased as they walked along the busy streets, shoppers and pedestrians too caught up in their own busy lives to notice that they were brushing shoulders with a celebrity. And it helped that he was wearing sunglasses. “What have you been up to?”

Shaking his shoulders, “You know,” he took a punctuating sip of his scalding coffee, thinking up ways to make his life sound more exciting than it actually was, “Work, hanging out, dating around, that kind of thing,” he offered nonchalantly, subconsciously trying to show her he’d moved on since their split. At least, he’d tried to.

At the mention of dating, Y/n almost choked on a mouthful of coffee, brashly replacing the cup at her lips with a napkin so she wouldn’t make a mess. Dating around, that wasn’t something she was expecting to hear. It was something she particularly wanted to hear either, because what was a casual mention for him brought a landslide of panic for her. Keanu was moving on and one day, he was going to find someone that would choose him in a way she hadn’t. One day he’d be someone else’s. “That’s…..uh….” exhaling loudly, she mustered up a fake smile, “That’s great! I’m….I’m happy that you’re- you’re um...that’s great Ke,” Y/n stuttered.

“Thanks, I think,” he huffed shyly, “But I’m…..I’m not seeing anyone right now.” Apparently he’d developed a habit of oversharing since he’d met with Y/n merely an hour earlier. Perhaps it was solely because telling her everything used to be habitual.

Her head snapped towards him, eyes wide and lips agape. “You’re not?” She breathed, hoping she didn’t sound too eager. When he confirmed, Y/n proceeded without thinking, “That’s great,” internally kicking herself as soon as she heard the words.

“What?” Keanu halted abruptly, only moving once more to step in front of Y/n. His brows were furrowed and he was starting to wonder if he’d heard her correctly.

“I mean….it’s….not great,” taking a deep breath, Y/n desperately sought to slow the erratic thumping in her chest, finding that the quickest remedy was meeting his whiskey orbs. “It’s….fuck,” she sighed, overwhelmed by the surge of buried feelings that had started welling up since they’d hugged. “I mean…..” Again, Y/n trailed off, at a loss for words, “It’s……”

Bringing his hand up to cup her neck, Keanu leaned down, kissing her slowly, letting instinct take over. He knew what she liked; the slow introduction of his tongue, the way it occasionally glazed over hers and a little nibble on her lower lip to keep things a bit rough. She was liking it then too, Keanu could tell by the way she’d stumbled closer, grasping a fistful of his jacket. “Is that what you were trying to say?” Keanu whispered as they broke.  

“Yeah,” a glimmer of a smile tugged at her lips as an idea brewed. “What are you doing this weekend?” She asked softly, the tips of their noses still brushing as they held each other close.

“I’m supposed to spend Christmas at my sister’s,” his words said in a tone that was meant to protect their moment, “Why?”

Dragging her lower lip through her teeth, Y/n debated on whether or not she was about to make a fool of herself. But she had to try; returning to Los Angeles had left her craving Keanu’s company and the fact that they were both single had to mean something. “Spend it with me.  We could be like this again….just for a little bit.”

“That’s not a good idea,” he resisted, not really wanting to but knowing that it might be in both their best interests if they didn’t go down that road again; she was leaving after the holidays anyway.

“I know,” Y/n sighed wearily, “But don’t you want to anyways? We could pretend that nothing’s changed,” her free arm rounded Keanu’s neck and her fingers twirled the ends of his hair. “Please, just think about it, okay?”

Conflicted and caught between wanting to be with her, if only for a bit and doing what was best for them both, Keanu took a step back, taking his hand off her and consequently urging Y/n to retract her hold on him. “You can’t come here and just expect me to go along with this.”

“I’m not expecting anything,” she argued, “You were the one that kissed me, and I’m just asking you to consider it. Don’t you miss me? Cause I miss you, Keanu.”

“I….” Mulling on her question, Keanu hit his fist to his thigh, shaking his head, “Doesn’t matter, Y/n,” turning, he walked away without saying goodbye, waving dismissively as he melded into the crowd.

Christmas Day Y/n had tried forcing herself into forgetting how things had gone down with Keanu earlier that week, when she’d asked him to spend Christmas together, the way they had when they were both convinced that they were going to be each other’s forever. But she couldn’t, he’d been on her mind constantly, and every time her phone rang, she’d snatch it up in hopes that he’d changed his mind, and every time, when it was work, or even on of her friends, Y/n felt the sting of disappointment dig at her heart. 

Five whole days had passed and she was even starting to get used to it; accepting that she had crossed a line and Keanu was right, when on Christmas day, while she was caught in conversation with her father over very strong eggnog, her mother entered the sitting room, grasping the arm of a familiar figure. Her parents had always adored him, they’d hoped she would marry him, let him be the one that fathered their grandbabies and they were so disappointed when it hadn’t worked out. “Look who’s here!” She announced, squeezing Keanu’s bicep affectionately, broad smile plastered on her face.

“Keanu, son! Look who’s here Y/n!” Her father nudged as if she hadn’t already seen him, standing giddy in the doorway, flashing the room with that movie star grin.

“Yeah dad,” she breathed, not believing her eyes. He’d actually come, even after the way things had ended a few days ago. “What…..what’re you doing here?” 

“I’m here to see you sweetheart,” Keanu beamed, slipping away from her mother, approaching Y/n and then bending to kiss the side of her lips. “I thought about what you said,” he whispered, only loud enough for her to hear, “And I miss you too,” he ended his words with another peck, easily wrapping an arm around her shoulders as her family eyed them with confusion. “Y/n invited me, and I was just wondering if that invitation is still open.”

“Of course it is!” Her mother cheered, clapping her hands excitedly, “You know we love having you here Keanu!”

“I’m glad you came,” Y/n shifted in his embrace, standing on her toes so she could peck his cheek, hugging Keanu at the waist. After that, things fell into the way they used to be; like Keanu was part of their family, and for the rest of the evening, he and Y/n had acted as if nothing had changed between them. As if they were still that couple that was so in love that it was hard to believe they’d ever break up. And it was easy to return to being those people too; within an hour together, it was easy to pretend that nothing had changed, to act as if there hadn’t been a fight a few nights before Y/n got on a plane that would whisk her out of his life or Keanu hadn’t called her a week later, drunk out of his mind only to pour his heart out and beg her to come back. It was as if a day hadn’t passed since their last good one and they were still each other’s future.

When presents and dinner was through, and after Keanu had brought a duffle bag up to Y/n’s room and the cool sun had set making way for the glowing moon, he and Y/n had slipped away from the family festivities to go on a walk around the block. They’d shrugged light coats on over their clothes and had linked arms as they strolled up the desolate street, absently staring at the homes illuminated with colorful lights and Christmas decorations. “What made you change your mind?” Y/n probed, nuzzling his arm, subconsciously hoping he wouldn’t change it again.

“I don’t think I did change it,” Keanu mused, keeping his eyes forward, “I was always gonna come. You know me; I can’t seem to stay away from you,” he gently tugged her closer. Being with her like that, it felt like right, like things were finally the way they were supposed to be, “I miss us, you know?”

“Mm hmm,” he she hummed, resting her head on her bicep, letting Keanu guide them forward with complete trust, “I miss us too. You’d like it there,” she said, referring to where she’d started building her new life,  trying to keep them from lapsing into silence.

“Yeah?” He kicked a pebble absently, wondering what it would be like if he ever did move. Could he do that? Leave his family back in L.A to be with Y/n? She was worth it, after all, she was the only woman he’d ever seen himself having a future with. “I think you’re the only person I’ve ever met that wanted to leave Los Angeles to make it big,” he changed the topic, too fearful to let the thought of leaving behind everything he’d built for himself in California cement itself. Maybe they were selfish, Keanu thought, that was why things couldn’t work out for them; cause neither of them was willing to adjust what they wanted outside of each other.

“I think you might be right,” Y/n chuckled and it wasn’t long before they'd fallen into what she’d dreaded; silence. Back at the house, she had the cover of menial chatter, but on the barren sidewalk, where there was nothing to shroud the heaviness of things that were kept guarded, it was different. The atmosphere was clumsy and she felt a way she never had around Keanu; uncomfortable.

“I’d gotten you something,” he broke the quiet, sounding unsure of himself, “Before you told me you were leaving for the job, I’d gotten you something. Well, technically, it was given to me, for you, I guess.”

Throwing him a curious glance, she urged him to slow down, “I don’t understand,” knitting her brows, Y/n silently pleaded with him to elaborate. 

“Your mom,” he explained, “She gave me your grandmother’s ring…”

“You were gonna….” Maybe if she’d known before she would have changed her mind.

“Yeah,” he sighed heavily, reminiscing on how that night had gone. How’d they texted each other excitedly on their way home, how he’d insisted she go first, only to hold himself back when she broke the news that the job might threaten to tear her away from him. Long distance wasn’t for them and Keanu knew that moving wasn’t in the cards for him. “Were you mad at me?” She probed meekly.

Huffing a dry chuckle, Keanu shook his head, “No, when I saw how your eyes lit up when you told me about it, all I wanted was for you to be happy, even if that meant it wouldn’t be here, with me.”

“I was happy with you,” they stopped, and turned to face each other, hands still tangled, and unchecked tears threatening to spill over as her voice broke, “I think I was happier with you.”

“I know,” his tone was low and husky as Keanu stepped closer, muting the few inches of space between them. She didn’t need to ask how he did and Keanu had no cause to explain; they knew each other better than most ever would; he could pick up on her faked smiles from a mile away. “Would it be wrong if I asked you to stay?”

Still trying to fight the wave of emotion, Y/n looked at their interlocked fingers, frowning at how well they worked together. No other hands would ever feel like that, and she’d long made peace with the fact. “Would it be wrong if I asked you to wait?”

Closing his eyes, he bent lower to press his forehead to hers, letting her scent tickle his senses. It was as if he was trying to freeze himself in time, so he’d be forever basking in the sweet smell of her perfume and the comfort of her touch while the warmth that radiated between them, tethering him to her was one he was sure he could never remember to its exact perfection. Why couldn’t things be easier? “I’m sorry,” he shuddered, letting his breaths be captured by her quivering lips.

“It’s my fault,” Y/n exhaled, sniffling, “But at least we have right now, right?”

Keanu hugged her low at the waist, burning his face in Y/n’s hair while she sought refuge in the crook of his neck, “Yeah,” hot tears made their slow journey down his his cheek, and he could feel moisture soaking his t shirt where Y/n had buried her face, “At least we have now.” 

Even if it would never be enough, for now, it was all they had. 

*****

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @magnificentclodpiebanana @keandrews @greenmanalishi  @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves  @planetkt @wheretheriversrunintothesea

[xaibaugrove]

An Analysis of Ellie

In honor of The Last Of Us Day, I’m finally gonna drag out this headcanon I’ve had in my drafts forever. If you choose to read this, good luck because it’s a long time. 

Of course, SPOILERS AHEAD. 

So, this all started with me thinking about how Ellie has suffered from survivor’s guilt ever since she discovered her immunity, when she was meant to die with her girlfriend/best friend Riley. 

In that moment, Ellie had already embraced death and wanted to share it with her loved one, but that was robbed from her. She continued to live while forced to watch who might have been the first person she ever loved turn from infection. Ellie had no explanation for why that gift of immunity had been given to her. She had that gift thrust upon her by forces outside of her control. Ellie had to contend with her new existence as someone immune to the infection that had torn apart Earth’s reality, trapped in a paradox as a young teenage girl in a post apocalyptic world, until Marlene relieved her of that pressure by giving her life meaning, by giving purpose to her immunity and bestowing an important identity upon her: the savior of the human race.

Before all that, Ellie had always been just a number. She was just an orphan kid in a sea of other faceless, nameless kids in a military boarding school, without a future or special kind of destiny in a bleak world without any real meaning. Suddenly, she was a savior for all humanity and tasked with the tremendous responsibility of staying alive. She had to contend with her life having more value than others, seeing people sacrificing themselves over and over again, for her, when she had lived as a nobody for all her life until that point when everything changed.

I can imagine that that was a lot for Ellie to deal with as a teenager, a key developmental time in her life when she is just learning who she is as a person. A lot of her identity was based on not having an identity. Being trained and destined to be a nameless soldier. So when that identity was called into question, when she was smacked in the face with immunity to a virus that killed her best friend and numerous people on the planet, she needed the absurdity of her existence to be reigned in by her new title of savior of the human race.

During her journey with Joel, while the player mostly experienced the story and struggle of Joel, Ellie was struggling with her own internal issues as the secondary character. She mainly dealt with the loss of her innocence but she also still carried within her a crippling survivor’s guilt. This is very apparent after the death of Tess. In that pivotal scene in Part 1, Tess made it abundantly clear that the only reason why she was sacrificing herself was because of Ellie’s immunity, to the point of physically grabbing Ellie by the arm and pointing to the point of infection, relegating Ellie to just her immunity. Of course it wasn’t Tess’s intention to do that, but one can only wonder how Ellie absorbed that moment, another moment that helped her in defining herself. Tess wasn’t risking her life to save Ellie the person. She sacrificed herself for the immunity, the potential cure Ellie carried within her. 

This assisted Ellie in defining herself by her immunity. Instead of thinking about herself and how she related to the world around her with all the contradictions of her childhood, and the relationships she formed with Joel and Sam, the people in that world, it was easier to just soldier through life with the sole goal of fulfilling her destiny. Saving the human race.

Then came the turning point in her life, when her identity was stripped from her by the very person she had come to trust and love the most.

In a way, Ellie had her autonomy taken from her by Joel and had to come to grips with that, the fact that Joel loved her and yet, hurt her deeply as a result of that love, without truly acknowledging it. In making this ultimate decision about her life for her, Joel triggered her survivor’s guilt and Ellie had no way of expressing it, 1. Because Joel lied to her about the situation and forced the conversation to be buried in that lie, and 2. Because even if she gathered the courage to confront him about the lie, she didn’t really have the cognitive ability at the time to express herself fully, to tell him exactly what was wrong with it. And maybe on some level, she didn’t really want to have the conversation and finally clarify the unspoken truth. If she did initiate the conversation, how could she be angry at him when his defense is that he did what he did out of love? What defense would an average teenager have against a parent making that statement in one of many common situations that could occur in normal settings?

Because of the decision that Joel made, he was able to be content with his surrogate daughter, living his best life in a way, while Ellie was devastated in the aftermath. And if he did notice her inner turmoil, he never addressed it. She was probably subtly carrying around that guilt with her for years. It might have even bothered her or made her hesitant to indulge in the many positive aspects of being alive: developing friendships, romantic relationships, normal childhood things. It wasn’t until Ellie was allowed to stew on it, contemplate everything and allow the guilt to fester within her that she was able to finally muster up the courage to have that difficult conversation with Joel.

In yet another pivotal scene, this time in Part 2, she gave him another chance to confess to what she suspected was a lie for multiple years when she was met with another trigger of her survivor’s guilt, during the reluctant excursion she embarked upon with Joel in search of strings for the guitar he made for her. In that scene, she questions him, counters his excuses and challenges him. Ellie gave Joel the chance to be honest with her. And his choice was to dig his heels in deeper, lying to her face once again. When watching Ellie’s expressions after Joel silenced her protests, so much can be seen in the way she looks at him for a moment.

She looks at him and thinks of how many things he has done to make her happy, out of love for her, and the immense contradiction she feels with those acts of love when compared to the greatest pain he inadvertently inflicted on her as well as the continuation of that pain through him perpetuating the lie. She gave him another chance and he betrayed her trust again. When Ellie looks away from Joel, her expression then reveals her innermost thoughts. Her eyes search the void between them to see that Joel will never admit to the lie and the only way for her to reinforce what she believes is the real truth is for her to seek out the answers herself. So she does.

When he did finally confess to everything, it broke her with not only how indifferent he was to it, but how he had destroyed any chance she could have of fulfilling her purpose. It possibly even reaffirmed the suspicions in the back of her mind that questioned his love for her due to how much he had hurt her without apologizing even once for it and how much he had taken from her in the process. The validity of all their past interactions were suddenly called into question as well, because although Joel did those things to make Ellie happy, every happy moment was always undercut by the tremendous amount of guilt she carried that outweighed the happier moments for her as her entire life was worthless to her, from the moment Joel removed her from that hospital.

After that revelation, her sense of self was thrown into limbo. Ellie severed her relationship with Joel and went back to Jackson with no idea of how to truly carry on with her life and live with herself after that. In order to appease herself in some way, she regained some type of control in navigating their relationship from that point on. Before, their relationship hinged entirely on how Joel wanted to interact with her, with him approaching her to progress their father-daughter relationship after he removed her agency by making choices for her. Post their argument at St. Mary’s, it’s important to note that Ellie assumed control and eliminated that progression entirely. A consolation prize, a reclamation of her agency in life. But it was never enough.

Regardless, things continued on like that for some time, but then something happened that shifted the trajectory of Joel and Ellie’s relationship. On a night when Ellie attended a party, she happened to find herself possibly feeling grateful for being alive when her longtime best friend expressed interest in her and made an advance toward her. 

After Joel intervened in a conflict between her and a dumbass bigot, she angrily went to confront him. She continued to exercise her control in their relationship by coming down hard on him. Her anger about everything was very apparent during their confrontation later that night and one can see that she still felt like her life was technically meaningless without her death for the sake of a cure for the salvation of the human race. During that scene she finally expresses exactly how she feels, what she hadn’t been able to articulate for years.

It’s important to note that before she says any of that, Joel disarms her. Joel asked her about the simplest of things, if Dina was her girlfriend. Then he placed an importance on her existence, by saying that Dina would be lucky to have her, which I believe Ellie thought about for a split second. She ruminated on her feelings, on how a potential romantic relationship with Dina made her feel happy to be alive, as it wouldn’t have been possible if she had died in the hospital. And this thought, that Joel could have been right to save her, that she could possibly agree with him, caused her survivor’s guilt to spiral and she lashed out at him with all the emotions she felt since he first agreed to smuggle her across the country years ago.

Then, in a turning point in their dynamic, Joel is finally forthright with her when he responds to her frustration by stating that he would do it all over again. As a result, for the first time ever, Ellie feels as though she can finally understand his motivations and the validity of his love for her. In his honesty, he tells her that her life does have value to him, even if she can’t see that herself. And although she will never forgive him for his transgression or fully understand it because she doesn’t see her own value as a person aside from the potential cure she carries within herself along with her immunity, she realizes that she can’t stop herself from wanting... From wanting to live, from wanting to experience the joys of life, wanting to just be human. Joel introduces a new purpose to her life, to simply exist without purpose and be herself and find value in her life as just a person living it. She can’t erase the past and change Joel’s choices that directly affected her in the end, but she can choose to try his suggestion. To live life, despite her guilt and despite how afraid she feels to do it. This late night moment of vulnerability between a father and daughter opens the door to them possibly repairing what was broken 4 years ago.

Her entire world is then shattered when Abby slams that door shut by killing Joel. Just when Ellie was setting down the path of finding the strength to move on and repair their relationship. Her survivor’s guilt was triggered and sent into overdrive by this event, because once she discovered that the people who killed Joel were ex-Fireflies, she came to the conclusion that Abby killed Joel in retaliation to him removing Ellie from the hospital and killing any hopes of a cure, along with all the Fireflies in the hospital. This essentially caused Ellie to believe that Joel was killed because of her in a roundabout way, as he would have still been alive if he hadn’t saved her, further enforcing her belief that her ultimate destiny in life was to die in that hospital. In Ellie’s mind, Joel died for a pointless reason, because she viewed herself as worthless.

Since she and Joel were the only ones who carried the secret of what really happened at St. Mary’s, there was no one else who could blame her or punish her for his death. Abby punished someone who didn’t deserve the blame and let Ellie go, leaving her to deal with the aftermath and that survivor’s guilt. In Ellie’s mind, it should have been her, but there was no way for her to have swapped herself in Joel’s place. So she punished herself in a different way. This sends her down her path of addiction to self-destruction.

Ellie had no way of punishing herself for her immunity for all those years, for surviving while others died for her. Abby provided an outlet for this desire. Ellie pursued Abby under the guise of getting justice for Joel but more can be ascertained from her constant push to find Abby, in her constantly doing things that go against her better nature, committing horrible acts and torturing people, debasing herself and pushing away those who love her or even putting them in danger while simultaneously traumatizing herself all at once. With every murder she committed, with every wound she sustained, she was punishing herself for being alive.

Each wound she suffered during that pursuit was like a high for her, an adrenaline rush. Each time she damaged her mental state even further with a new murder of one of Abby’s friends, she reinforced the belief that she deserved all of this for surviving. She deserved all the pain for being the cure, for being immune and benefiting from it while the world and everyone in it suffered. This is why Ellie can’t let go, even after her first encounter with Abby.

It was easy for Ellie to spiral in that self-destructive cycle. She punished herself for Joel’s death by pursuing Abby, which caused her closest friends to suffer because they were connected to her hunt for justice. Even when it all seemed to be over and Ellie tried to change. Tommy nearly died and wound up crippled and separated from his wife because of her and even JJ wound up without a father due to Jesse dying while helping her in her pursuit of Abby. This all contributed to her revisiting the same destructive path when Tommy accused her of not following through after all he had lost for her. Tommy started her self-punishment with that accusation. And once Ellie had the chance to think it all over, it was easy for her to return to the same bad habits. This is why she leaves and continues to pursue Abby, steeling herself against a near-fatal abdominal injury, doing whatever it takes to get to her, lying to herself this time, by telling herself all the while that it is in service of Joel. To repay his life that was taken from him. To even out the injustice.

Ellie realizes this lie when she is mere seconds away from exacting her revenge by drowning Abby in the ocean. Joel’s face flashes across her mind, of him during that night when he told her that her life had value. She realizes in that moment that killing Abby will not bring her peace, because the motivation behind the act is a lie. It will not give her life value or meaning, or purpose. Because her life already has value. Outside of a cure, outside of her immunity, outside of her saving humankind. Her life has value because of who she is, not what she can give to the world. And Ellie finally realizes that she must accept this to be whole. Killing Abby won’t help her do this...so she lets her go. She watches the boat leave as she sits in the ocean tides ebbing and flowing around her, thinking of how broken she is, how much she has lost and if she can bring herself back from the brink to find value in the meaningless existence she believed her life was for so long.

When she revisits the farm and contemplates all this while holding a guitar that she’ll never be able to play again, she recalls that memory, when Joel reminded her of her value. In that final scene, she realized that Joel was the first person in her life who didn’t see her for her immunity. Joel saw Ellie for who she was and saw value in her as a person. To such a degree that he was willing to risk all of humanity to keep her alive. She was then able to forgive him and know that he truly did love her for her, something no one else had ever done before him. And if he could love her for her, maybe she could learn to do the same.

[pipermca]

Writing continues. I’ve had several new bits for my Alt Modes and Alchemy AU in mind for ages. As one of them is a disjointed serial in the same way that After Tempest was, I decided I’ll pre-post the rough drafts of it to Tumblr (and Pillowfort!) the same way as I did for that story. :)

This is a direct sequel to A Bonding, a Coronation, and a Funeral, and actually begins the same evening where that fic ended.

Tentative title is The King and the Bounty Hunter, so you know where this is going. ^.^

**************************************************

King Smokescreen couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a good time taking fuel.

Maybe it was because he rarely had a chance to sit and talk with his brother about something that didn’t involve the work of running the kingdom or dealing with the complex politics between the throne and the noble houses. Both Smokescreen and Prince Prowl had been incredibly busy for the past half vorn. Between planning and managing all of the changes Smokescreen wanted to bring to Praxus, and dodging insistent nobles who wanted to introduce their creations to the very publicly unattached King, that simply relaxing and enjoying an evening had fallen out of their schedules.

Cadet Jazz had been busy with training, of course. High Commander Irridus had advised Smokescreen privately that it likely wouldn’t be long before Jazz started climbing the ranks of the Praxian Cavalry, since he was both skilled and charismatic. Irridus wanted him in a leadership position as soon as possible. But Jazz was content to work his way up the ranks slowly, and so was spending a lot of time away doing training exercises. As a result, Smokescreen hadn’t talked with Jazz in quite a while, either, although he was sure that Prowl missed Jazz’s company far more than Smokescreen did.

The third companion at the table was new to everyone present. Smokescreen found the bounty hunter a fascinating mech to talk with. Devcon had successfully brought in the rogue Prelate Hitch, the Temple priest who had been involved in the attempts on Smokescreen’s life... And in Lord Halfsteel’s death. Smokescreen was grateful to Devon for helping to finally tie up the last loose end in the horrors that had been unleashed on Smokescreen’s coronation day. But the bounty hunter was also quick-witted, had an interesting take on the politics in the region, and listened to others with an intensity that Smokescreen found strangely appealing. And as he listened to Devcon and Jazz trade stories of their travels around Cybertron, Smokescreen watched how the winglets on Devcon’s back moved whenever he laughed in his deep voice.

Smokescreen didn’t realize how much he’d missed doing exactly this: lounging around after a meal, sitting and laughing and talking with others, enjoying a glass of engex along with the company and the conversation. It reminded him a little of the days before the crown, the mantle, and the realities of leading a country had settled on him, back when he could just relax and be at ease.

Hmm. Maybe he had buried himself in his work a bit too much.

Jazz was the one who broke the spell that had settled over Smokescreen. "Well, Devcon, it's been a real pleasure meetin' ya, but I just got back from field training and I'm runnin' low on energy," he said with an apologetic tilt of his helm. Then he turned and smiled at Prowl. "And, I promised Prince Prowl here we'd get some alone time together before I let myself collapse into stasis." He slipped his hand under the table, and whatever he did there caused Prowl to sit up straight, and his wings to flare out with an audible click.

"Jazz, please," Prowl murmured, but Smokescreen knew that the slant of Prowl's sensor wings meant he didn't really mind Jazz's attention.

As Jazz and Prowl pushed their chairs back from the table, Devcon also stood up. "The pleasure has been mine, Cadet Jazz. And thank you, Prince Prowl," Devcon said, giving them both a small bow. "Please, if you are ever in Altihex, be sure to send me word so that I can return the favour. I can arrange accommodations and company, if you desire, even if I am away on a contract."

Prowl returned Devcon's bow. "I shall be sure to do so," he replied. He nodded at Smokescreen, who was still sitting. "Good night, your Majesty." He narrowed his optics slightly. "Remember our meeting with High Commander Irridus is scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning."

From his seat, Smokescreen held up his glass to his brother in a toast. "I remember, Prowl," he said, suppressing the irritated flick of his wings. "Have a good night."

As Prowl and Jazz made their way out of the dining room, arm in arm, Devcon both took their seats again. "You must also be tired. You said earlier that you'd been on the move for almost an orbital cycle," Smokescreen said, swirling the last bit of engex in his glass before draining the last of it. "Please, don't feel obliged to stay here on my behalf. I... tend to stay awake far later than I should." He picked up the bottle, pouring himself another glass. "On the other hand, you are welcome to a refill, if you want one..." Smokescreen held up the bottle and tipped his wings upwards questioningly.

"Yes, but just a small amount. Thank you." Devcon leaned forward offering his own glass. "This engex is very good, but it's not a type I'm familiar with."

Smokescreen smiled. "I'm not surprised," he said as he started to fill Devcon's glass. He'd only splashed in a little when Devcon held up his hand for him to stop. He switched to his own glass and continued to pour. "This is Northern engex, distilled here in Praxus. The mines in that principality produce some of the purest quality energon in the country, and they have a secret process for its distillation that's only passed on from creators to creations. I daresay you won't find anything like it anywhere on Cybertron."

"I can definitely agree with that. It has very distinctive flavour." He waited until Smokescreen had filled his own glass to the top before leaning back into his seat. He took a contemplative sip. Then he said, "Would it be all right for me to be a bit familiar, your Majesty?"

"That's fine," Smokescreen said. "And please, if we're not talking about business or politics, just call me Smokescreen."

"As you wish... Smokescreen," Devcon said, but there was an odd smile on his face. "And that's exactly the sort of thing I would expect of you. You see, when I accepted your offer for dinner tonight, I was only being polite. But I ended up having quite a good time. It was like..." He tapped his fingers on his glass for a moment as he thought. "It was like an enjoyable dinner with friends." The bounty hunter gestured at the empty chairs where Prowl and Jazz had been sitting. "Being able to talk casually over fuel about everything and nothing was not something I expected when I accepted the invitation to dine with royalty."

"I know Praxus developed a reputation across Cybertron for being a severe, suffocating place, but I'd hoped that some of the news that has made its way out of here changed that preconception a little bit." Smokescreen tipped his wings upwards again. "Can I ask what you were expecting?" he asked.

"It's nothing specific about Praxus." Devcon took another sip from his glass before replying. "My services are in demand, and as a result I've had audiences with governors and nobles and all manner of rulers, all across Cybertron," he said matter-of-factly. "And I've come to expect a certain distance that rulers keep themselves from other mechs. I assume some of it is to ensure an air of objectivity in any association they have, but it always comes across as a coldness, or a sense that they truly think they're superior to the mechs they rule." Devcon's gaze held Smokescreen's evenly. "You don't come across that way, which is a surprise especially with what I thought I knew about Praxus. The care that you show your subjects is obvious in the way you speak about them."

Smokescreen felt a little wash of gratification at Devcon's words, and he inclined his helm at the bounty hunter. "Thank you. I hope the citizens of Praxus feel that way, too." Smokescreen took another drink from his glass and then stared into it for a moment. "There is a lot of well-earned anger and resentment towards the nobility in Praxus, and I want to do as much as I can to reconcile those hurts and indignities that have been perpetuated through generations." He frowned. "It'll take time, though, and I'm being fought every step of the way by nobles who don't want change."

Devcon's winglets twitched. "I surmised some of that in the brief I was given in the contract."

"It's a relief knowing that Hitch has been captured and will face justice along with Lady Crossflare." Smokescreen took another drink. "It's certainly not an end to the trouble that he and Crossflare caused, but hopefully other nobles will see that I'm serious about helping common Praxians, starting with those in Emerald Lake."

Setting his glass on the table, Devcon asked, "What did they do to the mechs of Emerald Lake?" His winglets twitched upwards. "I take it that's a principality?"

"Yes. Lady Crossflare and her family ruled it since before my grandsire emerged," Smokescreen said, twirling his empty glass in his fingers. "They ruled it with cruelty and greed. The crown essentially ignored all that was happening there, and for that... I must take full responsibility, on my family's behalf." Smokescreen held the glass still in his fingers and pulled another vent. "When Crossflare fled Praxus after... after the attempts on my life and the attempts on my brothers' lives, she left her principality destitute. I've sent a team there to help those in most need, but Crossflare emptied the principality's coffers and took everything with her. And now, apparently, it's in protected accounts in Altihex." He grimaced. "No amount of charms from our alchemist or spells from our sorcerer has been able to give us any information about those accounts."

"There's a reason they're called protected accounts," Devcon said. He rested his elbows on his chair's armrests and clasped his hands together. "They're specially protected with charms of their own to prevent exactly that sort of meddling. Of course, that makes them very popular with – ah – unsavory elements, but the Ruling Council in Altihex has upheld those protected accounts for hundreds of vorn." He shrugged. "You might say it's tradition."

Smokescreen nodded glumly. "Yes, I've learned more about Altihexian protected accounts in the past few orbital cycles than I ever needed to know, I think." He twirled his glass again. "I just wish that we could get our hands on the shanix Crossflare took with her. That amount of money could do a lot of good for them mechs in Emerald Lake, and based on the accounting records we seized, the money rightfully belonged to the Praxians living there." He let out a quiet vent, thinking of the reports he'd received of the living conditions the mechs of the principality had been left in after their Lord had left them. They had been destitute before: being forced to work to pay off illusory debts to their Lord, debts that only compounded as time went on and were passed from creator to creations, no matter how much labour was completed. But now, what little shanix circulating in the principality had been spirited away by Crossflare, leaving everyone living there without the financial means to even survive. "Right now the crown is helping to make sure they're getting the fuel they need and the maintenance they lack, and we're trying to stabilize the situation there, but..." Smokescreen fanned his fingers wide as if scattered away chips. "Our resources are already stretched thin. We've been shut off from the rest of Cybertron for so long everyone is reluctant to do business with us still, since we're an unknown quantity." He shook his helm. "I understand their position, but unfortunately it means I'm limited in how I can help Emerald Lake until we get some new trade treaties negotiated."

Devcon's helm had slowly tipped to the side as he listened to Smokescreen, his attention focused on the king closely. "I'm surprised that the crown – the government – is stepping in to help," he said. "In Altihex, the expectation would be for them to find a way to make do, until they can pull themselves up. Giving away shanix like that... Some might say that it just encourages laziness."

"These mechs had nothing. They were starving. They were suffering from engine burnout because they hadn't even had basic maintenance since they were created. They were living two or three dozen to a single dwelling, the adults recharging in alt mode outside to make room for their creations. They were fighting to survive day in and day out, simply because the wages they were paid were not enough to live on. To permit that to continue was unconscionable," Smokescreen said, his words becoming louder and louder as he spoke. When he saw Devcon sit back in his seat, watching him warily, Smokescreen pulled another vent and shrugged, letting his wings bob up and down. "What else would the crown use its money for, if not in the interests of its citizens?" he asked. With a frown, he added, "If I did not use it to help them, then I would just be hoarding cash for no reason than to keep it."

Relaxing infinitesimally, Devcon nodded thoughtfully. "I've never thought about it like that before," he said. A tiny smile flashed across his face. "That's very different from how the governor in Altihex would view the situation, to be sure."

Smokescreen vented again, suddenly realizing how much he'd let himself say. He could almost see Prowl's disapproving frown. Smokescreen always did have a loose vocalizer when he was drinking. It had gotten him into trouble more than once. He gave Devcon a wan smile and tried to shift the subject. "Sorry, I didn't mean to go on and on about that. The internal politics of Praxus probably don't interest you that much."

But Devcon's optics brightened slightly; he seemed to have been lost in thought for a moment. "That's quite all right," he said. "After all, knowledge is part of my trade, and every detail is interesting to me. For example, I had heard that the laws in Praxus changed with your coronation." Devcon gestured towards the doorway where Prowl and Jazz had vanished. "Your own brother is promised to a non-Praxian, and I know your youngest brother is also bonded to a non-Praxian." He smiled at Smokescreen. "You were crowned less than a vorn ago. You work quickly."

"I had... motivation to move quickly," Smokescreen said, remembering the utterly defeated look on his friend's Halfsteel when he talked about the mate the Praxian Temple had chosen for him. "Those laws were some of the first ones I eliminated. Now, a pure-bred Praxian – a noble – can bond with whomever they wish."

Devcon nodded thoughtfully. "Of course. That was part of the information I collected as part of my investigation into my target's whereabouts." Devcon looked at Smokescreen evenly, his blue optics focused on him like a synth hawk. "But – and forgive me again if I am too informal here - it is a surprise that you, the sovereign King of Praxus, is not yet even promised." Devcon lifted a brow ridge. "Unless the customs in Praxus are very different than outside its walls, the first matter of business for a new ruler is to secure their legacy through an heir."

Smokescreen could not suppress the twist in his spark at Devcon's words. His emotions must have been obvious in his expression, because the bounty hunter immediately bowed his helm. "My apologies, your Majesty. I should not have-"

"It's all right," Smokescreen said, waving his hand. When Devcon lifted his helm enough to look at Smokescreen again, Smokescreen managed a facsimile of a smile. "You are exactly right. And you're definitely not the first to have noticed that I am not bonded," he said, thinking of all of the unattached mechs who had been paraded past him in the past few orbital cycles. But he also remembered the golden orb sitting on his desk in his office, and the golden optics of the mech that the orb represented. "Had things played out the way they should have I-" Smokescreen tried to cover the falter in his voice by taking another gulp of his engex. The burn of it steadied him enough to continue. "I did have a promised, before my coronation, but we had only just discussed it. We never had a chance to make it official."

Devcon's blue optics widened, just slightly, and the winglets on his back rose in the same way a Praxian's might when they suddenly understood something. "Your deceased majordomo, I presume," Devcon said.

It was Smokescreen's turn to lift his wings. "Am I so easy to read? Or are there loose lips amongst my household staff?" he asked, knowing the engex was getting to his processor by the bitter tone the words took when they came out of his vocalizer.

"No, your Majesty," Devcon said with a shake of his helm. His voice was gentle. "But it's part of my job to make connections where others might not."

Smokescreen swirled the last bit of engex in his glass, careful not to let any slop over the edge. A voice inside his helm (which sounded very much like his sire, or maybe Prowl) said that he should investigate exactly how Devcon made those connections. But Smokescreen's ambition to do anything had been dulled by the engex, just like it always was four glasses into a bottle.

So instead, Smokescreen vented softly and said, "Halfsteel took the bolt that was meant for my spark. Minutes before that, he had sworn to protect me with his life." Smokescreen tipped his helm back and swallowed the last mouthful of his engex, savouring the burn as it washed down his intake. He coughed a few times before adding, "He was loyal to the very end."

Devcon lowered his helm again. "My deepest condolences on your loss, your Majesty."

"Thank you. And it's Smokescreen, remember?" With an effort, Smokescreen focused his optics on Devcon again and smiled. He gestured with his empty glass at Devcon's. "Would you like some more?"

"No, thank you... Smokescreen," Devcon said, and rose gracefully from his seat. "While I have very much enjoyed your company and your hospitality, just like you pointed out earlier, I have been running almost non-stop for an orbital cycle. I am afraid it's catching up with me now." He bowed deeply, his winglets twitching as he stood up. "Thank you again, your Majesty, and good night."

"Good night," Smokescreen said with a nod from his seat. He knew better than to stand up right now; he might be in danger of toppling over if he tried. He watched as the bounty hunter gracefully swept out of the dining room, and then poured himself another glass of engex. Just one more wouldn't hurt.

Smokescreen sat in the silent dining room, alone, staring at his glass, watching how the flickering lights of the wall sconces reflected off the surface of his drink, and remembering golden optics that once looked into his own with love before they flickered and faded.

[k7l4d4]

Midnight Striga: Fairy Tail/Owl House Cross Episode 2, Part 1

Hello all, here comes the first part of the second episode to Midnight Striga, my Fairy Tail/Owl House crossover fic! Everybody Clap Your Hands!!

With a spine-cracking yawn, literally her spine cracked from doing it once, Eda, the Owl Lady of Bonesburough, woke up for another day of living her life of freedom and liberty from Bone-head’s regime. With a tired sigh, idly wondering where she put the Apple Blood, Eda trudged down the stairs. Unusually for her, her mind was exceptionally clear this morning, something that she usually needed at least two to three cups of Apple Blood to fully achieve. In her musings, Eda’s mind turned to her new housemate, and the nearly mind-breaking revelations she had received the day before.

“So, humans can actually use magic, so our whole belief of it coming from the Titan probably has some holes in it, among other things. Heh, wonder how Lily would take all of this?” Eda pondered, for once not shying away from thoughts of her estranged sister. Letting out another yawn, Eda ambled downward, mind languidly scrolling back and forth, trying to figure out what the feeling of differentness was coming from. Just as she was about to give up, something she does gladly if she doesn’t really care about the subject, her nose caught a whiff of something. Honestly, whatever it was, it smelled divine! Inhaling deeply, a surge of alertness rippling through her body, and making a note to ask the kid about that for later, Eda took stock of her surroundings again, finally nailing what had been confusing her.

Her place had been cleaned.

That by itself wasn’t too unusual, despite what some people may believe, Eda is not a slob, and tries to keep things as neat as she alone possibly can, and she regularly used cleaning house as a way to keep herself busy when her boredom was at its worst. But this was different. The walls were scrubbed, her junk (Treasures! She said treasures) had been sorted and organized, which, she admitted, definitely cut back on the amount of space they took up.

Deciding that trudging all the way to the kitchen or living room wouldn’t be able to satisfy her curiosity, Eda called out. “Hey Kid! Did you go through my stuff?”

“Sorry, Miss Eda!! I was a bit too eager to get started, so I kinda, sorta, got everything settled? I hope that’s okay? Is it okay? I hope it’s okay.”

Eda blinked. That… was odd. The kid was rambling, something that definitely seemed at odds with the cool, level-headedness she had displayed prior. Making her way over, she got a look at the girl, her suspicions confirmed. Wide-eyed, with heavy bags, hair an utter mess, clothes mismatched. Luz was a mess; by Eda’s best estimate, she either hadn’t gotten to sleep at all last night, or had gotten up so soon afterwards it made no difference, and had spent the entire time working on the house.

“Kid?” Eda hesitantly broached. “How long have you been up?”

Luz blinked. “All night. I never went to bed, not really. I mean, I tried to sleep, but then my brain started racing, makes sense, whole new world and all, and so much to do, so much to explore, I can finally read my notes and research!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!! But it was too dark to read, and I didn’t wanna risk waking you up with a light, so I got started on all the junk you’ve got lying around.” She leaned against aforementioned junk, now neatly sorted into manageable stacks, you could actually tell what it was!! 

What Luz was leaning against appeared to be a stack of crystals and devices that had crystals stuck into them. Eda had never really thought about selling them, they didn’t have any of the oddness to them that got her other junk snapped up, but the way Luz was staring so intently at them made Eda feel like she lucked out by holding on to them.

Luz shot forward, an absolutely manic grin stretching across her face. “WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU HAD SO MANY LACRIMAS!?!??!?”

Eda blinked, that feeling of having lucked out screaming through her. She still had no clue what Lacrimas were, but if how Luz was reacting was any indicator, they were something valuable. And she apparently had a LOT of them!! 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Yeah, as much as Eda wanted to cash in on this, it was better to head the kid off while she could, get a little info, than use a sleep spell on her before she did something stupid.

Luz blinked, clearly confused, before responding, slapping a hand to her forehead in realization. “Right, you’d have no clue what that is, different world and all that.” Luz rocked back, her tired eyes clearing some of the crazy out, and gaining some much needed clarity of thought. “Lacrima are basically pure magic condensed into a solid, crystal state. They are used in a lot of ways, but they are typically reserved for high-end stuff, not counting the lower-quality, disposable ones.” She glanced around, getting a better feel of what all she did last night. “I honestly have no clue where or how you got so many, or what the average quality of them all is, but it’s a huge find.” She turned her gaze back to a contemplative Eda. “But that’s not what you actually want to talk to me about, is it?” She mused.

Eda snorted, impressed that the girl had managed to gather her thoughts while as addled as she was. “You’re not wrong, kid. I was gonna ask you to handle my potion deliveries, something I use to keep grub on the table in addition to my stand, but from what I can see, you aren’t in any shape to go off into town.” She arched an eyebrow, almost daring Luz to challenge her. Naturally, Luz obliged.

“Hey, you got nothing to worry about!” She boldly declared, gesturing to the concoction she was currently mixing. “I’m brewing up an energy booster to get me through the day. It’s not my area of study, but I’ve had to make these enough times before to get good results.” She turned a grin towards Eda that under normal circumstances probably would’ve been smug, but just looked sleepy at the moment.

Eda chewed her lip, contemplative. “Okay, if this actually works, you can head out today, but you’ll have to take King with you, just to be safe, got it?” Her snappy tone was undercut by the hint of worry and concern within.

“Yes! Wacked out alternate dimension, here I come!!” Luz cheered, just barely avoiding knocking her mixture to the ground. Putting out a hand to steady it, she carefully spooned out her Pick-Me-Up Potion, patent pending, and deposited the potent mixture directly onto her tongue, wincing at the intensely sour flavor. Any further thoughts were cut off as the Potion started to do its job.

Eda watched, a mix of fascination and disgust playing across her face at the sight before her. The contortions and sounds alone were enough to turn even her stomach, but she couldn’t deny that, when the horrific ordeal was over, Luz certainly looked refreshed and energized. Still, if she never saw THAT again, it would be too soon.

“Ah!” Luz sighed, drawing her arms out in a spine pulling stretch. “Man, that always feels GREAT!!! So, when do I head out?” She asked, oblivious to Eda’s prior disgust.

Shaking off her discomfort, Eda pulled off a grin. “Well, kid, as soon as we get King out of that pile of food,” she gestured to the aforementioned Demon gorging himself on the snacks Luz had prepared in her sleep deprived activity. “You and him can head into Bonesburough to get my potions dropped off and give you a better lay of the land.” Eda finished.

With a beaming grin, Luz rushed over to King, yanking the now frantically squirming demon out of the pile of food, and stood stock still in front of Eda, a gaze shining with excitement burning in her eyes. Getting the hint, Eda rolled her eyes and brought out the sack of potions. Still, Eda couldn’t really fight the grin that cracked at the eagerness of her new tenant.

With a smirk, Eda decided to give the girl a little breather to adjust to her new energy before she headed out. “So kid, before you go running off, is there anything in particular you wanna know about the Isles?” Whatever the kid said, it shouldn’t be too much trouble to deal with.

“Why exactly are you a criminal?” Luz asked steadily, having released King to his meal at Eda’s question.

Oh, so it would be a bit of trouble to answer. With a sigh, Eda dragged her hand down her face. “It’s because I never joined a coven.” At the look of blank incomprehension, Eda decided to head the question off. “And I’m guessing you don’t know what those are, right?”

“You are correct.” Luz knew about Guilds, but whatever a Coven was, it wasn’t anything she’d ever heard of before.

Eda smirked at that, she wondered how the kid would react to what she had to say. “Well, here on the Isles, we follow what’s known as the Coven System. I won’t get into the really complex bits, but the overarching rules are these: firstly, joining a Coven means you can only perform magic that goes with the Coven, secondly, while some exceptions have been made in the past, once you join a Coven, you are stuck with that one for the rest of your life, and finally, joining a Coven is mandatory, and if you don’t join a Coven, you’re branded a criminal and a heretic. A heretic like me, for instance.” She sat back, confident the kid wouldn’t condemn her, but nervous as to how she would react as a whole.

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Luz was utterly still, her eyes shadowed by her hair. Nothing gave any hint as to her thoughts, aside from the tight clenching of her fists. “That. Is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard in my life.” Luz was incensed. What she was hearing was what sounded like one of the most self-serving and oppressive systems she had ever heard of. The only thing she could accurately compare it to was the old system used by the Alvarez Empire, which drafted any and all magic users in the country into their army, whether they liked it or not.

“Trust me kid, you don’t know the half of it.” Eda chuckled bitterly. She couldn’t lie, seeing someone else have that same level of anger at the system was cathartic for her. Who knows, maybe the kid could stir things up around this place?

Luz huffed, her excitement for the day ahead lost in the wake of that wonderful news. “Well now, at least I won’t have to worry about making a good impression with the locals.” Her deadpan comment released a raucous roar of laughter from the Witch across from her.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!!! Kid, you have nothing to worry about in that regard. Aside from jackasses like Wrath, people around here are pretty chill for the most part.” Eda replied.

Luz was unconvinced. “Ya sure about that?” She asked, crossing her arms, almost challengingly.

Eda grinned. “Yeah, they are; they might freak out about your appearance for a bit, but after a short while, they’ll just stop caring altogether. Any issues are more likely to crop up from elitists and die-hard conformists like Wrath, or people who actively look down on Humans.” Considering just how big Bonesburough was as a whole, Eda was certain the second was more likely to occur than the first, but even that wouldn’t be too common all around.

Luz snorted. “So, my biggest concerns for the near future are the always fun to deal with local racists. Hooray.” The utterly flat reply sent King snorting from his spot by his meal, with Eda joining him a second later.

King decided now was a good time to pipe up. “Eh, they talk a big game, but anyone who actually gives anything about you being a Human is just blowing smoke, or thinks they're bigger than they are.” While Eda would ordinarily point out the fact that King himself regularly thought he was bigger than he was, she internally conceded that he had a point.

King looked up, pondering everything that had happened yesterday. “Luz, you are crazy strong, even by the usual craziness of Bonesburough. Nothing other than the guards can really threaten you in town, and the guards are only a problem because of their magic, and they aren’t that good at using it as a whole, either.” A great and mighty king of demons he may be, but let none say that King was stupid, nor that he was foolish. “Luz, you shook things up on a level that nobody has done in decades.” He turned to the girl, his eyes gleaming. “Things are gonna start changing now because of it, and I wanna be here for that change. So don’t worry about it, okay?”

Eda grinned, proud of her oldest charge. “I couldn’t have put it better myself.” Before King could start boasting, Eda smooshed his fur, sending him into a tizzy as he tried to fix his “luxurious mane,” and turned back to Luz. “I may not have phrased it all that well earlier, but while things may not be smooth-sailing for you, you’ve got more than enough power to handle nearly anything that comes your way. And if need be, you’ve got the Owl Lady herself in your corner!”

Luz grinned softly at the older Witch, eyes slightly teary. “Thanks Eda, that means a lot.” She croaked out. What could she say, they were both being really sweet! Turning back to King, she found he had settled down, and was waiting patiently, for him anyway, by the door, lightly gesturing both to it, and the sack of potions she would be delivering. Getting the message, Luz scooped the sack back up, gave a quick hug to Eda, much to her surprise, and headed out the door, King eagerly trotting behind her.

Eda sighed. “That kid is gonna get into so much trouble… and I won’t be able to see any of it!” She complained. “Hooty… WHAT ARE YOU DOING DRINKING THAT POTION!?!?”

[joonsdiary]

the ceo’s keeper

↳ part three of the: (not) the love of my life series

pairing: seokjin x reader (female) genre: arranged marriage au // humour with a dash of fluff and sprinkle of angst  word count: 5,8k

chapter summary: visiting seokjin in his Tower of Terror™ reveals he carries a lot more baggage than you intend to claim.

warning. alcohol consumption, a few curse words here and there; nothing worth putting the mature tag but i’d still advice to proceed with caution. 

note. putting it out there since i don’t think i’ve mentioned it before, but this fic was initially inspired by yuna’s (not) the love of my life. just putting it out there as a song rec in case you’ve not heard it yet!

the proposal | the first date | the ceo’s keeper | the engagement

“Guess who’s in the front cover of Daily Gossip and is trending number one in the search engines?” Taehyung barged into Seokjin's office early Monday morning a few seconds after Mina phoned his arrival. His brother plopped himself in the plush leather chair across his office table, lifting one leg to rest it on top of the other.

Seokjin didn’t have to guess as he often donned the front cover of plenty of tabloids. But not because of anything work-related, which he never really understood. Were his date nights that interesting to many people? Must be, if they were constantly writing about it. He then remembered your quip a few days ago regarding his ‘date’ with the president’s daughter but was quickly reminded that a certain Yoongi had told you about it. The corner of his lips curled downwards. 

“Aren’t I always on the front cover?” he doesn’t even bother to look up as he spoke while continuing to type endlessly on his keyboard. If there was one thing he hated about his job, it would have to be coordinating e-mails. He would usually allocate the task to Mina, but certain emails that contain sensitive information would have to be drafted by him.

“Yes, but, hear this—” Taehyung cleared his throat for effect and shifted in his seat, holding his phone in front of him theatrically, “Seoul’s most eligible bachelor’s newest FLING is somebody you won’t expect!” 

“As I said, it’s nothing new,” he deadpanned.

Taehyung chastised him with a shush before continuing.

“Kim Seokjin’s date du jour – I’m pretty sure they used the word in the wrong context here – is the twenty-four-year-old hotelier – wait, she’s that young?”

“I can’t interrupt you, but you keep stopping yourself for your little commentaries,” Seokjin grumbled as he hit the send button, only partially listening to Taehyung. “And she’s practically the same age as you.” 

“Yes, but an owner, albeit previously, of a hotel? That’s pretty impressive.” 

Seokjin rolled his eyes at Taehyung’s remark, but one of the reasons why he’d agree to this whole masquerade in the first place is due to your reputation. You were a woman of class and grace in spite of your moderate — for a lack of a better term — upbringing. As far as he was concerned, you were respected among the elites; the perfect remedy to clear his name of his tarnished credibility, which he blames solely on the tabloids. Whoever he chooses to go on a date with, no matter how frequently the person changed every week, was no one’s business but his. 

Yet the camera lenses never strayed too far from him wherever he went. It was tedious and stupid because he wasn’t some celebrity who craved attention. Yet he had to make peace with the fact because the board of directors was all about reputation instead of the actual work that Seokjin put into elevating the company.  

“Anyway, back to the gossip,” Taehyung scrolled down further on his screen, “blah, blah – oh! We have a feeling she’s special because unlike his other dates, he brought her to his upscale restaurant, Chateau – You had dinner at Mom’s restaurant? That is certainly news.”

The fact that Taehyung still referred to it as ‘Mom’s restaurant’ brought warmth in Seokjin’s chest. 

“It was a last-minute decision. She said she went on a date at the place you suggested the night before.” 

“That is also news,” Taehyung said, teasing. “Do tell me the details, dear brother.” 

“Apparently it was a move to get under her parent’s skin. It was shortly before she knew of my proposal, obviously. Nothing much to spill.”

“Mhm,” the smirk lingered on Taehyung’s lips, but he pressed on with the article. He quietly read with his eyes for a while before blurting out an expletive, which caused Seokjin to look up momentarily from his screen. 

“What?”

Taehyung sighed as he squinted at his brother, reciting the text verbatim. “But their rendezvous, however, ended early with them parting ways; he headed straight to Kim Hotel after dropping her off. Does this mean the night didn’t go as they’d planned? Will she be another date-and-dash for our handsome CEO-to-be?” 

“Date-and-dash,” Seokjin scoffed before laughing in disbelief. “That might be the best term they’ve come up with so far.”

“Yeah, well, we don’t want everybody to think this is another date-and-dash for you.” 

“I’m only worried about Dad’s opinion. Everybody else can think whatever they want.”   

“They can still hire an outsider as CEO.” 

“Dad wouldn’t let them do that.”

“There’s only so much power he can hold. That’s what the board of directors is for.” 

He paused, letting Taehyung’s words simmer. His brother never bothered much for the corporate side of the business, opting to delve more into his artistic side. He was responsible for much of the interior design of any and every Kim Hotel they decided to build, but that’s about it as far as his contribution went. If Taehyung was content and satisfied with whatever he chose, then so was Seokjin. 

“You’re right,” Seokjin’s lips pursed, hating the admission.

“Aren’t I always?” Taehyung snorts before sighing and putting his phone away. “You’re going to have to put a little bit more pep in your step, as the saying goes, if you want to make this look more sincere than it actually is.”

Seokjin contemplated the implication of the word sincere. He thought he had been as truthful as possible in his interaction with you two nights prior. His conversation with you ebbed seamlessly, save for the second half of the night where you discussed business. It had been the sincerest interaction he had with a woman whom he didn’t have to bed that same night as he normally would. The farthest he’d gone with you so far was a chaste kiss on the forehead, which he deemed you were uncomfortable with. 

“Should I make out with her on our next date, then?” Seokjin quipped. He didn’t mean it seriously, but the delighted look in his brother’s face told him they weren’t on the same page. “I was kidding, V.” 

He threw the nickname out with an ill-intention, knowing how much Taehyung resented it. His brother sighed, slumping on the chair and mussing his curly locks. It baffled Seokjin how one could grow their hair out past their eyebrows, but it seemed to suit Taehyung, nonetheless, fitting with the artistic look he was trying to accomplish.

“It’s something to talk to her about. If she’s comfortable with it, then why the hell not?” Taehyung shrugged, tugging at his turtleneck. 

Would you even be open to the idea? Hell, you’re bound to get married in less than three weeks, but he hadn’t entertained the thought. All the women he’s dated so far knew what to expect of him, and vice versa: sex after dinner. That was the mantra. 

“I don’t know, Taehyung…” he trailed off. 

It’s not that he thought of you as a prude, but his arrangement with you had strictly been business, and Seokjin was the type not to mix the two. He never pried with anything past surface level with the women he had relationships with; he never stayed long enough to know. Or he wasn’t interested enough to stay and get past the tip of the iceberg. 

He no longer wanted to entertain the idea of forever with somebody, and longevity isn’t something he’s interested in. Been there, done that. Not exactly his cup of tea — he’d learned the hard way. Best he moved along.

“Fine, but mild contact is still on the table. You didn’t even hold her hand, according to the article.” 

“I did,” Seokjin said defensively. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure, and that was a problem in and of itself. 

“Tell her, Jin.” 

“I will if it gets you off my back. Now kindly screw off,” he grinned at his inside joke before continuing. “I have a meeting with a contractor in five minutes.” 

“Ouch, since when do you use such harsh words, dear brother?” Taehyung whined, clasping the front of this sweater with his hand. He straightened up, nonetheless, slipping his phone in the pocket of his black slacks. “Jeju?” 

Seokjin nodded, opening another email that needed a return message. 

“Shouldn’t Namjoon be here for that?”

“I already called him this morning. He’s still having way too much fun in Switzerland, but he’ll be back by the end of the week.” 

“Taeri’s probably mad that you’re pulling her husband away from her so early after their wedding.” Taehyung laughed as he shook his head, but Seokjin only grinned.

“It’s been two months. He has to come back. This operation doesn’t run itself; I’ll have you know.” 

Taehyung dismissed him with a passive, “Yeah, yeah.”

There’s a pause, and Seokjin furrowed his brows at his brother’s sudden teasing expression.

“But I still can’t believe he got married before you.” Taehyung pointed an accusing finger at him, and Seokjin laughed.

“I can’t believe it either. He’s certainly way worse than I am.”

“But better at break-ups than you are. You just leave them hanging,” Taehyung squinted his eyes with indignation. Seokjin gives his brother a tight-lipped smile.

“Not entirely true. I technically don’t do the whole dating thing officially. What’s more, I give them—”

“Mr. Kim, your ten-thirty is here,” Mina’s voice crackled through the phone. Seokjin sighed in relief, grateful for once that he was being interrupted with another meeting.  

“I guess that’s my cue,” Taehyung turned, his Gucci loafers dragging him halfway through the office. “Don’t forget to tell Y/N.”

“I won’t. She’s stopping by later.” 

“Oh? I should stick around, then.” 

“We don’t need your constant badgering, thank you very much.” He called out, but Taehyung was already out of his office by then.

                                      *  *  *

You had never been to the Kim Hotel before, there was simply no reason to step foot into one of their many copy-and-paste buildings that dotted the entire country. You joked to Seokjin a few nights ago about the hotel being his tower, but the building was indeed massive, which would make sense seeing that they are billionaires, after all. They wouldn’t have a measly bed-and-breakfast type of hotel like you do. You stood rooted to the ground, squinting up the massive fortress.

(You’d think at some point they’d have to consider the safety of the poor birds that get confused and end up slamming themselves into its reflective windows, but that seemed like a thought for another day.)

Pushing aside all the uneasy feeling that bubbled from your stomach, you collected yourself mentally and pushed through the revolving doors. It was exactly like you thought it was — the pinnacle of contemporary interior design. Everything blended seamlessly, uncluttered and unbearably white it was practically blinding you. Not wanting to be caught ogling the furniture, you made your way to the steel elevators, punching the button to the highest floor. Seokjin didn’t give you any details as to where his office is located, but surely the highest floor of this gargantuan building would belong to him. The doors slid open after what seemed like a lifetime, and you were greeted with a curt voice.

“Do you have an appointment?”

You blinked, unsure of what to say. “I believe so. My name is—”

“Finally! I thought you’d never arrive,” a brunette with an uncharacteristically wavy hair came bumbling out of what you assumed was a boardroom office. His hands were buried in the pocket of his loosely fitted slacks and an easygoing aura surrounded him. His presence was unmistakable, and despite not sharing the same facial features as Seokjin, you could tell who it was.

“Taehyung?”

His eyes lit up when you said his name as his lips formed into an attractive smile. He turned to Seokjin’s secretary.

“Mina, darling,” he said languidly, but the female did not bat her mascaraed eyelashes. “Will you let us in?”

Ah, so this was the lady you spoke with on the phone when you’d initially tried to get a hold of Seokjin. She seemed less terrifying when you met her face to face; her hair is pulled back in a low ponytail and she wore minimal makeup. She looked friendlier than she sounded, why were you afraid of calling, again?

“Mr. Kim is in a meeting right now,” she busied herself with her work while she spoke. “If you’d wait a moment—”

“But Mina, baby,” Taehyung crooned, leaning over her desk perhaps a little too close. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his antics; he’s certainly quite different from how Seokjin acted. Whereas Seokjin kept himself aloof most of the time, Taehyung wore his emotions on his sleeve. Both are still unabashedly forward, nonetheless.

Mina stayed impassive, and you can tell why Seokjin hired her to guard his lair — the woman could not be cracked. You admitted to yourself that if Taehyung were to charm your pants off, you’d be completely hooked.

His efforts were rendered futile, however, when the wooden doors of Seokjin’s office opened and gave way to an ebony-haired woman. She was in the middle of securing her wool coat as her heels echoed with confidence through the marble floors, side-stepping to get around you but not before flashing you a lithe smile. The self-assurance you held before walking into the building had all but withered away.

“Taehyung.” She greeted him, but he only stared at her with an impassive gaze. “It’s nice seeing you around here.”

She headed straight to the elevators and disappeared even before you could blink.

“I didn’t think she’d be here today,” Taehyung mumbled.

“She’s the president’s daughter, right?” you asked, not bothering to remember what her name was. Taehyung nodded.

Strictly business my ass. You didn’t want to care, but your all-too-sudden sour mood said otherwise.

You push past the same wooden doors as the woman had earlier and you find Seokjin propped to his desk, hair slicked back, forehead taut in concentration as he focused on whatever was on his screen. If he’d been doing The Deed, you don’t think he’d look as put together as he currently does. That much was enough for you to relax into his leather chaise. Taehyung followed closely, opting to sit on the couch on the far side of the room.

“Future wife, how are you today?” Seokjin began, and you’re irritated slightly by his refusal to set aside whatever he was doing.

“About as well as one can be while visiting their corporate shark fiancé, Mr. Kim. You?”

Taehyung barked out a laugh from where he sat, and you patted yourself on the back. It’s the little accomplishments, you mused to yourself.

Seokjin’s head snapped at Taehyung and he gave his brother a glare that sliced through the room.

“I told you that you’re not needed here today, Taehyung.”

Taehyung ignored Seokjin, clutching his stomach as he wiped away imaginary tears. “Damn, can I be married to her instead?”

“I don’t like the idea of me being thrown around like a piece of meat for your amusement,” you deadpanned, and Taehyung straightened up quickly.

“I didn’t mean to offend, Sis. I only wanted to rile Jin up for my amusement.”

You rolled your eyes, chuckling as he gave you another million-dollar smile. Seokjin sighed as he stood, buttoning up the blazer of his suit. He picked up a manila envelope that was on the edge of his desk before rounding the table.

“You don’t have to sign today. You can take it home and read it over with a lawyer if you want.” He hands you the files before leaning back into the glass table. You shook your head as you pulled out the documents with confidence. If there had been one thing you learned from your parents, it was how to properly read official documents without glossing over important details. Legal documents often used extensive jargon, and you could easily tell they were drafted by actual lawyers. It gave you a tiny bit of relief that he wasn’t trying to scam you.

Your fingers skimmed your hotel’s name in print, somehow unable to wrap your mind around the fact that you no longer owned it. But the promise was clear in ink under commencement of your divorce: your hotel would be yours.

“Do you need one?” Your head lifted to meet Seokjin’s gaze after minutes of silence. He offered a fountain pen that glinted against the afternoon sun as he moved it closer to you. You felt a wave of emotions suddenly overwhelming you, and you blink up at him before shaking your head.

“Maybe I should look it over with a lawyer, after all,” you mumbled while giving him a timid smile. He nodded in understanding and moved back behind his desk.

“It’s no pressure at all.”

“It’s not that… I just,” you inhaled through your nose and out through your mouth. Between revealing your true feelings or lightening the mood with a banter, you chose the latter. “I just want to make sure you’re not hiding any tricks up your sleeves, Mr. Kim.”

“I’m not one to joke around with things like this, Ms. Hwang,” Seokjin said pointedly, and you frowned. Okay, not the mood I was going for.

“That’s true; he doesn’t. He’s as uptight as they come.” Taehyung quipped, rising from his comfortable spot before plopping beside you. He patted your shoulders, almost apologetically. “You’ll get used to him.”

“I highly doubt that,” you snorted, stuffing the papers back in their envelope. “I have no interest in being the CEO’s keeper.”

Taehyung peeled back from you for another belly laugh, and Seokjin rolled his eyes. “I’m right here, you know.”

Taehyung waved him off dismissively and turned back to you. “I wish we’d met under different circumstances, Y/N.”

There was a wicked gleam in Taehyung’s eyes, but you knew he was being playful rather than having malicious intent.

“Didn’t you say there was something else you wanted to talk about, V?” Seokjin’s voice was seething, which caused Taehyung’s grin to grow wider.

“Right, right,” he shifted in his seat as he whipped out his phone. “I made notes, hold on.”

“What’s this about?” you looked between the brothers with confusion.

“Apparently we did the whole ‘date’ thing wrong.” Seokjin deadpanned, rolling his eyes before he turned back to his work.

“Meaning?”

“One, lack of intimacy,” it was Taehyung who answered, and you blush at his comment. You’re reminded of how Seokjin had pulled you against him the moment you stepped out of the car.

“Going excessive on the first date would’ve made it seem disingenuous,” you pointed out, and Seokjin mumbled in agreement.

“Do you not know how Jin usually is with his former dates?” Taehyung asked, which froze Seokjin mid-type.

“I don’t make the habit of reading gossip blogs and tabloids for celebrities,” you mumbled, hoping they bought into your pretense of being calm. In your head you prayed Taehyung wouldn’t elaborate; the image of Seokjin with other women made you want to hurl your guts out. “I could honestly care less.”

“Right,” Taehyung gave you a slanted gaze, and you shrugged. “Please keep in mind to give a little bit more, next time, then.”

“Will do, Chief,” Seokjin grumbled, massaging his temples with both his hands.

“Second, no going home separately, especially since news of your engagement will hit the public this week.”

You fidgeted in your seat, the air in the room suddenly growing warmer.

“There’s a spare room in the penthouse suite,” Seokjin motioned at a door on the other side of his office with his chin. “The bathroom is always stocked with amenities in case—”

The word in case hung in the air like a thick fog, and Seokjin did not have to finish the sentence for you to figure out what he was trying to get at. The message was clear. But to be quite frank, you couldn’t care less. Right before agreeing to the arrangement, it was clear that Seokjin was that type of man, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you that he would bring women to his home, which also happened to be where his office was. Yet, there was an uncomfortable prickle in your heart and your palm unintentionally raised to soothe the phantom pain.

“I’m alright with taking a spare office or something. I’ll work for a few hours then head home past midnight. That should raise enough eyebrows, right?” you hoped neither one of them noticed the slight quiver in your voice.

Taehyung must have sensed it because his voice grew quiet. “Okay, I’m sure you two will work something out. That’s it, for now. I’m going to assume the rest will come naturally.”

You had a feeling he had a longer list but opted to be sensible enough to feel your mood shift. Seokjin didn’t say anything, but the lack of clicking noises coming from his direction told you he’s not working, either. You turned, locking gazes with him, but he remained expressionless which irritated you more than you’d like to admit.

“If there’s nothing else, I’ll take my leave,” you brushed imaginary lint off your high-waisted slacks as you stood up.

“So soon?” Taehyung pouted, earning a small laugh from you. The nerves were slowly dissipating, and you were glad.

“I have a date,” you paused, gauging Seokjin’s reaction. The scowl on his face made you smirk. “With some classmates from uni. Gotta keep up with the social circle if I want occasional help with my thesis, right?”

While that was true, the dinner isn’t until three hours from now. But you had no plans to stay here a minute longer; the tense air was suffocating you.

“Don’t be a stranger, Sis.” Taehyung engulfed you in a warm hug and you patted his back, chuckling in amusement.

“See you around, Taehyung.” As you pulled away, you gave Seokjin a slanted gaze. “I’ll give the papers back as soon as I can.”

You wobbled slightly as you headed for the door, disappointed that Seokjin didn’t stop you. He didn’t even bid you farewell. You scoffed.

“Have a good afternoon, Ms. Hwang.” Mina greeted you as you made your way to the elevator. You turned back to her with a genuine smile.

“You as well.”

+++

The pulsing beat of the music had your head throbbing with pain, but you didn’t think it’d be wise to complain. Especially because you couldn’t quite look Seokjin in the eyes for reasons completely unknown to you. Or perhaps you did know, you just chose not to dwell on them.

Two days after your productive visit to Seokjin’s Tower of Terror, your calendar graciously reminded you of another date you’ve set up with him. There was supposed to be a lunch date the day prior, but due to unforeseen circumstances (more so on his part rather than yours), you both agreed to have it cancelled. He apologized, but you dismissed him and said that you forgot that your mother had asked you to visit her and your father, anyways.

(In reality, she hadn’t and was delighted you called to say you were bringing them take-outs for lunch.)

“Wednesday nights are busier than I thought,” Seokjin mused, pulling you out of your mini daydream. You looked up, which proved to be a mistake because the club’s lights flickered in a way that accentuated his features; his straight nose that’s angled between his ever-so-prominent cheekbones. His fringe was down that evening — a sight that you have not yet witnessed. It made him seem younger than his actual age; more laidback, less prim and proper. In any other given scenario, this would not disarm you, but the occasional spark of colour highlighted how close his face was from yours.

In other words, you really ought to get used to being in close proximity to him if you were to continue this ordeal.

“It’s always full of people, no matter the day.”

Seokjin’s brows furrowed as his head dipped, inching his ears closer. You knew you’d flinch away if his arm wasn’t draped around your shoulders. “What was that?”

“I said it doesn’t matter what day it is — it’s always full here,” his scent made you feel more inebriated than the alcohol you held. You found it surprising that Kim Seokjin is not much into the club scene, thinking that people like him often spend half their time wasting away

He whipped his head to meet your gaze once more, a grin forming on his lips. “Of course, you’d know.”

There was something in the tone of his voice that made you want to defend yourself. “I have a social life too, Mr. Kim.”

“I never said you didn’t. But you’re more of a designated driver type rather than the drunk, party all night type of gal. Am I right?”

Your eye twitched in annoyance. Was he really stereotyping you now?

“You don’t know the half of it, Kim Seokjin,” you mutter, unsure whether he heard you or not. But you didn’t care, and instead proceeded to finish your margarita in one chug. You set down on the glass table in front of you before peeling yourself off of him and the velvet sofa. The desire to prove you weren’t prude — despite him not saying it outright — felt greater than your sense of logic and reasoning.

You wobbled slightly as all the blood in your system rushed to your brain. But you managed to steady yourself as you turned back to Seokjin. He watched you with interest, but his lips remained sealed in a grin.

“I do like being the designated driver at times. No shame in keeping my friends safe. Am I right?” you pushed Seokjin’s shoulder with one finger until his back hit the plush sofa. There was no turning back, you realized, when your leather skirt hitched higher as you placed your knees one after the other, effectively trapping him between your thighs. Alcohol was definitely coursing through your veins as you sat on his lap.

It never occurred to you that you’d be so brazen in front of Kim Seokjin. But here you were with your cheeks flushed and heart hammering wildly against your chest, wanting so desperately to prove that his expectations of you were wrong.

“But I can also have fun without being shit-faced.” The less you think about it, the better it was for you not to get embarrassed. So, you ignore his smug, seemingly unfazed expression as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

You were convinced you’ve only got one functioning brain cell left. But if Taehyung were present to judge, you knew he would gag with approval.

“Is that so?” Seokjin played along, and you weren’t entirely shocked; the man was probably used to such endeavours on a nightly basis before your arrangement. He placed his palm against the small of your back, and instead of pulling away, you leaned closer. Being this promiscuous in private was nothing new for you, but never when you knew there were several eyes trained on you like a hawk.

“Shall we give them something to write about, fiancé?” your eyes trailed down to his lips before meeting his gaze once more. You knew he wouldn’t oppose, but you still needed his consent. He nodded with a glint of amusement in his eyes and the next thing you knew, your lips were in his. He was firm and unwavering, slightly aggressive but he damn well knew what he was doing. It felt as if he'd set your body on fire with one singular moment.

You broke away first, eyes seeing but unfocused as you heaved a sigh, lungs welcoming the sweet taste of oxygen. Seokjin chuckled as he studied you with newfound interest, surprisingly well put together compared to you.

“Are you alright?”

“Mhm,” you peeled back from him, pulling your leather skirt down in the process. “That’s probably enough to placate the onlookers.”

You looked around, but the dim lights made it hard to see beyond a few meters. Seokjin followed your actions, and you feel the familiar warmth emanating from him once more. His arm was draped around you once more, but the gesture felt natural this time around. The mere smile he gave you was enough to send butterflies drifting in your stomach. You wouldn’t dare to admit it out loud, but at least you wouldn’t have to pretend to be attracted to him.

                                      *  *  *

“Birthday?” 

“Couldn’t you have just googled this? I’m sure I have a Wikipedia page.” Seokjin said, quite peeved that you didn’t know his birthday yet, when he’d memorized yours: May 24, 1996. You gave him a deadpan look and he sighed defeatedly. “December 4.”

“Year?” 

“Seriously?” 

You said nothing, opting to dip a fry in your Oreo-flavoured ice cream instead. He wasn’t surprised when you asked to ditch the club to eat, citing that you’d puke your guts out if you didn’t get any food in your system. He didn’t think you meant McDonald’s at midnight. 

“1992.” 

“Was that so hard?” you mumbled, typing the information on your phone. “Your birthday is coming up soon.” 

“If by soon you mean two months from now, then yes.” 

“Technically, it’s the seventh today, so it’s less than two months,” you pointed out but didn’t wait for him to return the conversation. “Favourite colour?”

“Are you writing a slam book? Would you like to know who my celebrity crush is, as well?” he rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, actually. Let me guess; is it Florence Pugh? Ana de Armas? Brad Pitt? Or someone local…Jun Jihyun?” you mused. He only shook his head at your antics, convinced that you were not fully sober yet. “I’m kidding. I’m just filling out your contact information.” 

You slid your phone across the table, which landed perfectly in front of him. True to your words, most of the information was filled out: Rapunzel donned the first name, and nothing was filled out for the last name option. He chuckled but didn’t bother changing it to his actual name and proceeded to input his number. 

“That was smooth, Y/n, I must admit. You couldn’t have just asked for it straight up?” 

You shrugged. “Where’s the fun in that?” 

He handed your phone back, and moments later, his phone buzzed in his jean pockets. He opened the message — no doubt it had been from you. 

𝗂 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝖺𝗏𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗌 “𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾” ;)

Seokjin simply shook his head; it felt unfamiliar for him to be smiling so much he could feel his cheeks go numb. If he knew how amusing it would be to go on a fake-real-date with you, he would’ve asked his father to set him up with you.

Wait, what?

He turned two strides back, retrieving the steps he made. Certainly, you couldn’t have grown on him so quickly — but in reality, it felt like that for a while now, whether he wanted to admit it or not. He thought the whole ordeal with you would be cumbersome, but it’s been quite the opposite so far. He commended your tenacity to go along with any plans he’s laid out, so far.

That’s because you’re holding her hotel hostage.

To be quite frank, it would’ve been none of his business if he decided not to meddle with his father’s whims. But he’d honestly rather be divorced and have his father lash out at him than be stuck in some arrangement he didn’t want. While it’s true that he could divorce you, either way, the key was the illusion of being in love. As Taehyung kindly pointed out to him: How devastating would it be that you both fell out of love, that they won’t consider rescinding the CEO position once you have it?

The stories would circulate around the heartbreak, instead of the bluff that was his arranged marriage for the sake of saving face. 

Although now that he was sitting across from you as he watched you relentlessly dip your fried potatoes in your ice cream for the umpteenth time, the prospect of being married to you no longer felt as daunting. Especially if you were willing to make out with him on occasion as you had earlier. It wasn’t part of the contract, but he was willing to add the extra clause if you’d agree. 

“What do you have that creepy grin for, Mr. Kim Seokjin?” 

“I’m thinking of taking you home with me tonight, Ms. Hwang.” Seokjin’s satisfaction was evident in his smirk when he saw your eyes widen. He swore he saw you go through five emotions in the span of a mere second. 

“Stop teasing. It’s not funny.” 

He watched your already blushed cheeks turn a shade deeper as he chuckled. “I’m not teasing. Taehyung’s rules, remember?” 

“Oh, right,” you blinked at him blankly. “I forgot to bring my laptop with me so I can have something to work with.”

“You were serious about occupying an office space?” he gawked, brows knitted. 

“I was. I’m not sleeping over in your Mistress Suite.” You said in a monotone voice, but the indignation in your eyes told Seokjin you were more than serious — you were offended. At least he could tell that much.

“That name has a nice ring to it. Do you mind if I start calling it that, instead of just the guest room?” The pointed look you gave him made him think you were less than amused with his banter. Seokjin sighed and stood up, motioning for you to follow. “Don’t worry, no one has stayed there for two weeks.”

“I really didn’t need to know,” you grumbled. Seokjin reached out for you to take his hand. 

“I’m sure you didn’t. But I’d still like to let you know that I wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize this arrangement.” 

That was part of the truth. The other part came in the form of his animosity towards infidelity. Seokjin genuinely hoped you didn’t think he would cheat on you during the span of your agreement. He had issues committing, yes, but he couldn’t begin to imagine inflicting such pain on another person. Not when he’s had firsthand experience on the subject.

It reassured him that there was an end to your charade, a point where he can say checkmate and the game would be over. Commitment still has to be made, for sure, but nothing that would leave him like an empty husk of his former self afterwards. No monsters under the bed, no skeletons in the closet, either.

You slid off the booth but did not take his outstretched hand, so he casually stuffed in his pocket. You were setting your limits, and he had to respect that. Perhaps the silly extra clause he thought of will not be a necessity, after all.

NEXT ;

thanks for reading this chapter. feedback is always appreciated! ♡

[idontblushsrry]

Under the weather|| k.th

Under the weather|| k.th

A/N: This fic has been in my drafts and idea notebooks for a whiiiillllle, I hope that you guys enjoy it even though I haven’t posted in months. Lemme know what you think of the story and any other thoughts in the comments. Also if you get my trash-ass vine references I’ll love you forever.

Genre: Fluff, coffee shop! au, non-idol! au

Summary: When your flirty co-worker confesses his feelings, you snap on him and hope that everything he cares about is destroyed. Of course this backfires and you immediately become sick out of the blue...for some reason.

Warning: Cussing, reader is a dick for no reason, apron Taehyung

Words: 2433

Your life was about routine. Every morning you wake up at 6, make your bed, cleanse your sheets of negative energy, then head to the kitchen to have a cup of ginger tea with honey, stirred counterclockwise for healing, and cotton in a bowl of sugar for luck. It’s quiet, of course, and some might find it boring but you find it  peaceful to be alone, the only pace you move at is your own.  You center your thoughts with a deep, counting breath.

This offers a few seconds of respite before moving to the topic that’d been on your mind persistently these past few months. 

Kim Taehyung.

About 3 months ago, your flirtatious co-worker had turned his attention towards you. Each time he’d greet you with some form of a compliment. With lines such as,  ‘Y/N, so beautiful, the sun wakes up to greet her’. You’d be flattered if you hadn’t seen him use that line on 2 different girls that came through the shop beforehand. You used to roll your eyes and ignore him. Although now, it’s begun to irritate you.

You feel pawing at your ankle and turn your attention towards your cat, Sage. He meows and paws your ankle with an urgency that only meant one of two things; he was hungry or he wanted attention.

You set your cup down and make your way to the cabinet where you put his food. Sage was a part of your routine that served as an alarm, and he more often than not was telling you to continue with your day.  

You took a quick shower, getting ready to go to work in almost record time. Even having time to do something more special with your hair.

“What do you think Sage?”, you twirl around for him as if he’s going to reply at all. As expected, he simply blinks at you and meows.

“I really need to get out more, I’m turning into a crazy cat lady.”  You grab your house keys and wave goodbye to Sage who just watches at you unamused. 

Kim Taehyung was… interesting to say the least.

To you he was becoming a 5’10 headache that never seemed to go away or get better. In fact, he was only getting worse by the day.

So when you open the door to the small cafe you work at and find Taehyung and Jungkook in the middle of one of their dumb competitions, you’re not surprised. Jungkook spots you first and looks up from the shoe he and Taehyung had been curling intensely to wave at you.

“Hey Y/N”, as he does that, Taehyung appeared to make a goal against Jungkook.

“What are you two doing?”, you posed, confused as Taehyung started to wildly run around the cafe in some sort of weird victory dance...ritual?

“We’re playing cafe curling, I doubt you’d understand” replies Taehyung jokingly, out-of-breath from his previous adrenaline filled celebration.

“Shouldn’t we…” you crossed your arms “I don’t know, set up the cafe before it opens in like 30 minutes?” you held up your phone to show them the time. As soon as they saw it they went into panic mode and started to set up the cafe frantically. You sighed and rolled your eyes at their antics while you went to the backroom to change into your work uniform.

The daily rush had passed by and it was almost the end of your shift, and you and Jungkook were chilling. Taehyung walks out from the backroom, freshly changed out of his work uniform and in his normal clothes.

“Hey Y/N, can you come with me for a sec?” He looked almost...nervous asking that. You looked back at Jungkook who gave you a thumbs up letting you know he’d be okay alone.

You and Taehyung walked outside to the cold January air. You pulled your coat tighter and looked at Taehyung, waiting for what he was going to say.

“Y/N I’m going to tell you straight up. I like you, a lot. I think you’re really cute and I think we should hang out or-” he mumbles the last part as he lost his nerve and you strain to hear it. Along the lines of “or something.”

You pause. Thoughts racing a million miles a minute’, you never saw this coming. In fact, this was the exact opposite of what you prepared for. 

But of course, your mouth speaks faster than you can properly process this information and instead of the well-thought out, mature, adult response you’d planned on your mouth spits out.

“Do I look like a joke to you Taehyung?”, ah, yes, how does the saying go? Hindsight is 20/20?

“W-What?” He looked surprised, his eyes bugging out of his head comically. You would’ve laughed, should’ve laughed, maybe then you wouldn’t have been in this situation, but alas.

“What do you mean ‘what’? Do you think my feelings are a fucking joke Taehyung. Why are you still playing with me?” your anger grew with each word, maybe you were a little out of line but you started this and you were running with it. The clueless look on his face added to your anger and frustration.

“Y/N, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?”

“Are you fucking stupid? I’m mad because you’re pretending you care about me.” Taehyung looks like he’s going to say something but you cut him off. “Seriously, I was fine with your jokes, but this, honestly how cruel are you gonna be?”, your voice breaks a little and you hope he doesn’t notice.

He looks apologetic then pauses, his expression steeling and body tensing, “Yeah Y/N, I don’t know what I was thinking. Clearly I saw something that wasn’t there. Sorry about your fucking feelings.” He turns around to walk back into the cafe.

“Fuck you Taehyung, I hope everything you ever care about is ruined!”, you shout weakly as he walks away. It’s useless as he’s already slammed the door on you, but you feel like it’s done something.

The wind picks up and it gets cooler, the air changes and everything feels… different. 

You were going to stay outside to cool down some, but head inside where it’s significantly warmer. When you get inside you’re rudely brought back to reality and find Taehyung gone and an angry Jungkook glaring at you. Deciding you’ve had enough of today, you grab your things and exit in a hurry, leaving Jungkook to close up the shop alone.

After going home, cooling down, and thinking about it, you decided you really were a dick to Taehyung. Even if he was playing a cruel joke, there was no need for things to get that out of hand. While doing your nightly routine, you decided that you would apologize to Taehyung for yelling at him tomorrow morning as soon as you saw him. No exceptions.

Except, Taehyung wasn’t there. Normally he and Jungkook would already be deep in whatever competition they were doing in lieu of their actual work. But when you got there, Jungkook was sweeping quietly with his headphones in and Taehyung was nowhere to be found. 

You waved at Jungkook as you walked past him to head to the backroom. Maybe Taehyung was back there?

Nope. Only Jungkook’s things were back here. Disheartened somewhat, you continued getting changed into your uniform.

When you left the back room, you tapped on Jungkook’s shoulder. He glanced at you with a gaze colder than you’d ever seen from the young man.

“Did you need something?”

You physically recoiled from his words and demeanor. Ok you deserved that one, you manage to shuffle through your answer, “Oh, uh, yea is Taehyung around? I wanted to talk to him.”

“No, it’s his day off. Anything else?”

Fuck. How could you forget? Stupid, stupid, stupid. “No, sorry. I’m gonna go do the coffee thing. Yeah”, you trail off and shuffle away from Jungkook as quickly and as gracefully as the last 0.2% of your dignity will allow.

The rest of the day is spent with you wallowing in guilt and generally being stuck inside your own head. 

Attempt 1: Failed

You had planned to apologize to Taehyung today but apparently he switched shifts with Hoseok. Now you loved Hoseok, really no complaints, but he wasn’t the one you cussed out for no reason and needed to apologize to. 

You’d contemplated texting Taehyung the apology but decided it was better to do it in person. In addition to that, you had no reason to text him.

You spent the rest of the day banging your head on walls and sliding down them dramatically while Hobi and Jungkook watched you confused.

Attempt 2: Failed

About one week after your last failed attempt, you woke up with a splitting migraine and fever.

Your migraine and fever had quickly evolved into a sweaty, vomiting, pain ball as soon as the world around you stopped spinning you called the old lady who owned the cafe you worked and told her as bluntly as possible that you weren't gonna make it. You then hoped she informed your co-workers. You then called your friends and asked them to stop by to feed Sage and check on you.

Mentally apologizing to your co-workers, you rolled over in bed and passed out.

At this point, you haven’t seen Taehyung in almost 3 weeks, your fever got worse to the point of your friends suggesting you head to the hospital. But you assured them you were fine, although you didn’t quite feel that way. The problem was you’d feel better and then prepare to go to work and apologize to Taehyung and then you’d be doubled over in pain.

One day, you’d decided that you had enough and put on a mask and gloves, chugged a ton of medicine, and walked down to the cafe.

The familiar sound of the little bell on the door rang and Jungkook and Taehyung’s heads turned towards the sound.

“Y/N are you okay?!”

“We missed you!”

“Do you need anything?”

The both of them glomped you and you almost fell over. Laughing excitedly you look at both of them and smile. 

Taehyung gestures for you to sit down and you take the invite, already feeling dizzy. The boys are asking you questions but you feel out of it, and you don’t know if it’s the medicine or your illness.

“...so worried! I mean you just stopped coming in one day.” You don’t know if that was Taehyung or Jungkook or both of them on account of your plugged ears. 

“Hey. Hey Y/N.” Taehyung snapped his fingers in front of your face as you looked into his eyes and...well you don’t remember what happened after that. 

When you came to, you were in your bed and your fever had cooled down noticeably. Aside from that how’d you even get here, last you remembered you were in the cafe.

Just then Taehyung walked in with an apron and a tray of soup. “Oh good! You’re awake.”  He approached you, putting the tray down on your nightstand, and then reaching out to feel your head for a fever.

The intensity and concern in his gaze, along with being next to the person you yelled at for no reason made you want to crawl into a hole and die . Your shoulders tensed up and subconsciously you seemed to hold your breath. Taehyung seemed to finally notice how uncomfortable he was making you and he immediately snatched his hand back. The touch of warmth from his hand still lingered and you chose to attribute the tingly feeling in your stomach to your illness rather than what you knew it to be.

Looking guilty and embarrassed, Taehyung stammers out, “I’m sorry, I just was checking and… I… shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry”. He’s sorry?! What reason does he have to be sorry?! You yelled at him, and hurt his feelings and yet he took care of you and made sure your dumbass didn’t die, although he kind of was the reason you almost died.

“Why are you even apologizing to me?”

“I-huh,what?”, Taehyung stopped mid-rant twisting his face with a pout. 

“Why are you apologizing to me? I mean I… I was terrible to you. I was a dick, I mean seriously, why are you apologizing.”, your tone became more imploring,desperate,  and confused.

“I told you Y/N, I have feelings for you. I know you were a dick.”,Taehyung’s voice lowered as he stated this, although, towards the end he snorted and started to laugh, “I also know that you’re loyal, caring, passionate, and beautiful and all sorts of other things.”

Without hesitation, you reach for Taehyung’s hand. His fingers weave into yours and you look into his eyes. 

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and that within your eyes you can see the truth. Your fears of Taehyung lying and playing a cruel joke on you melt away. There is a low thrum of electricity buzzing between the two of you. The tension between the two of you changed now  that the air has been somewhat cleared.

You took a deep breath to calm down, you couldn’t even look Taehyung in the eyes, “I’m sorry Taehyung. I just- and I- I know there’s no excuse and- I… I like you too. I know you-” Taehyung eagerly rushes forward and seals your lips together. 

You move your body closer to his, Taehyung’s hands hold your face, firmly as though you’ll float away if he doesn’t. Of course you aren’t innocent, you stroke the hair at the nape of his neck and work your fingers into his hair. Pulling away from him was exceptionally difficult, especially with Taehyung lingering and chasing after you.

You open your eyes and see Taehyung sitting there with the biggest, goofiest grin on his face. The look on his face is so ridiculous that it makes you laugh, although you try to cover it, you couldn’t hide it if you tried.

“You have such a beautiful smile, I’d love to see it more often.” You look up at Taehyung shyly, still feeling remorseful over how you acted towards him.

You sat up and turned towards him, “I’m sorry Taehyung, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“You can answer this question for me.”

You leaned in at full attention, “Of course, anything.”

“Will you go on a date with me?”

[shaineybainey]

“Noble Intentions”

Lab Rats [T]

The Lab Rats and Mighty Med teams face off with the greatest threat to humanity yet: The Incapacitator, a supervillain bent on becoming the most powerful in the planet. …Which makes things super awkward for Leo, considering that their newest nemesis is his father. AU. Lab Rats vs Mighty Med redux.

** DISCLAIMER: SEE CHAPTER ONE FOR DISCLAIMER **

tagging: @fruggin-bitch​ @verified-dumbass​ @dysfunction-ality​ @neshatriumphs​ @clockradio93​ @serpent-princess​ @weareoutofmaplesyrupdave​ @aaaaahhhhh1234​ @lover-of-dc-comics

X: Castle in the Sky

Leo watches quietly as Horace listens to his breathing with the stethoscope. The instrument is cold against his skin, but he does his best not to flinch. One wrong move, and the pain in his ribs can double.

“Well, your lungs seem like it’s working okay,” Horace says, taking off the apparatus and draping it back on his neck. He stares indecisively at the nasty bruise beginning to form on his patient’s skin. “Of course, we’re going to have to transfer you to the hospital outside. We have x-rays here, but not really for humans.”

“Okay.”

“Hm.”

Leo sits up and observes the doctor as he leaves the room. So far, so good. He had thought on his way there that glares would rain down on him since everyone apparently knows now that he’s the son of a supervillain. However, the people he had talked to since getting there have treated him like a normal person.

In fact, besides the look Tecton gave him earlier, the nurses and Dr. Diaz had been kind of apathetic while dealing with him.

It’s as if he was just another patient.

When Horace comes back, wheeling in a wheel chair, a thought pops up in Leo’s head.

“One of the nurses has gone off to alert your family of you being here,” Horace says. He blinks back the sleep stinging his eyes, rubs it off, then adds, “It’s probably best if they don’t see you until after the examinations. They’ve been kind of frantic. Don’t want them squeezing you, what with your seemingly broken ribs and everything.”

“Um – “

“They’re probably going to have to meet you at the other hospital, though. We have x-rays here, but not really for humans.” He frowns. “Did I already say that?”

“Dr. Diaz.”

“Huh?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Horace sighs, his shoulders dropping dramatically. “Is it going to take all night? Because my shift ended two hours ago.”

“How long have you been here?”

Horace consults his watch. “Probably going on 36 hours.”

“No, no – I mean, how long have you been working at Mighty Med?”

Horace’s features furrow as he contemplates on it. “Probably since the hospital was first built, long before you were even born,” he answers. “Why?”

“So, you know a lot of the people who’s worked here. Right?”

Horace eyes him suspiciously now – a glimpse of Leo’s expectation from earlier. “We may not be like a regular hospital,” he says, “but protecting the patients’ and employees’ identities is still a responsibility that I don’t take lightly as chief of staff.”

Leo nods. “Good,” he says. He then hops off the examination table, but instead of sitting on the wheelchair, he limps past Horace to retrieve the black safety box.

With the chief’s eyes on him, Leo shows him the emblem on it.

Horace frowns at it. Then, the expression clears. “What is this?” He closes the door behind him and asks, “Where did you get this?”

“So I can count on you to keep a secret,” Leo says, wincing as he climbs back on the examination table.

“Those safety boxes were issued only to chief of departments some decades ago,” Horace says. “Where did you find this?”

Leo doesn’t reply. Instead, he opens the box, finds the ID, and then hands it to the doctor.

Horace takes it. A look of shock and sorrow rises to his face after reading it.

“Do you know him?”

“Where did you get this?” Horace asks.

Leo notes the coldness of his tone and the sharpness in his gaze. “I found it by accident,” he says, holding back for now just in case. “I saw the emblem and figured I should ask someone who’s worked here a long time. It says Dr. Castle was a neurologist here. Is that true?”

For a long while, Horace only stares at the card. Then, he smiles sadly to himself. “Hezekiah was my best friend. He had the craziest ideas, but he was a good person. He loved helping people. He was a people person.”

“Did he have a family?” Upon Horace’s glance, Leo says, “This isn’t information that my father will be interested in, I promise. And even if it is, I think I proved already that I can keep secrets – from heroes or villains.”

Horace considers it. “You said ‘did,’” he points out. “There’s a reason for the past tense, isn’t there?”

Leo’s eyes give the answer.

Horace sighs, disheartened. “His family was originally from Tennessee. His parents worked hard to put him through school, but then his mother got sick a year before he graduated. Died right after. His father got to see him become a doctor, but years of working in a factory with poisonous chemicals took a toll on him. He died after Kai’s 26th birthday.”

“He lost his parents young.”

“He did. He didn’t have any siblings, so Mighty Med was his family.” Horace smiles. “Like I said, Kai was my best friend. We drove each other crazy, but he was a brother to me.”

“Why doesn’t he work here anymore?”

Again, Horace pauses contemplatively.

“Who’s Solstice?” Leo asks, hoping to encourage the conversation forward.

Horace frowns. “Who’s Solstice?”

“Female superhero. You haven’t heard of her?”

Horace shakes his head, curious. “No.”

Leo sighs—causing a powerful pang of pain to knife through his insides.

It snaps Horace awake. “Uh, we probably should – ”

“I’m fine,” Leo lies, holding his hand up. Answers are more important right now. “I’m fine.”

“Uh, I’m the doctor here,” Horace says. “You are not.”

“Please, Dr. Diaz. I need to know more about Dr. Castle and Doris Snow.”

“Doris Snow?” Horace’s eyes narrow as he thinks. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

Despite the limitation imposed on him by the broken ribs (and probably broken many other things), Leo gingerly opens the box to search for the document. “Originally, she was a mathematician at NASA,” he says for the meantime. “Then she became a superhero.”

“NASA?”

“Yeah?”

It stumps the doctor for a while. Then, an incredulous laugh escapes him. “That crazy guy…”

“I’m sorry?”

“NASA, you said?” Horace laughs, shaking his head. “I knew it. I knew he would fall for something like this.”

“Something like what?”

Horace lets out a breath, amused. “That’s why he stopped working here,” he answers. “He had just been appointed as head of the neurology department when a case came up. Hopefully I can talk a bit about this now, but from what I know, there was an accident involving a mysterious alien artifact exploding at a remote facility.

“Different experts were called in; NASA, too, unsurprisingly. The government wanted to know what it was that the Air Force found. They were examining it. Next thing they know – boom!”

“It…exploded?”

“Yeah. Rumor is that something in the test caused it to do that.” Horace’s eyes narrow. “Something was up with it, because we had an influx of reports of people acting strangely, people going missing. People acting strangely and going missing—”

“NASA employees?”

“Almost everyone who was in that building, not just people from NASA,” Horace says. He frowns thoughtfully at Leo. “I can check the files of the ones who came here before, but I don’t remember a Doris Snow. The name sounds familiar, but not as a superhero’s alter ego.”

“The League won’t have anything on her, would they? They probably weren’t even established when these accidents happened.”

“Huh. You know more than a regular kid from California should know,” Horace notes. “I’m suspicious.”

Leo hands him the draft letter. “I think the gap in the time between the first documented proposal for the establishment of League of Heroes and the actual date it’s established gives me more reason to be suspicious.”

Horace reads. “This…” He shakes his head. “This can’t be real. The League was established in the mid-90s. It was proposed by Dr. Sebastian Kline.” He hands the letter back to Leo. “I was there when it happened. It can’t have been by her.”

Sebastian Kline. It’s the first name he’s gotten in regards to his grandparents. Leo wonders if it’s a name his father knows too. “You said Dr. Castle left because of what happened with the alien artifact,” he prompts.

“Yeah, but I can’t tell you exactly why he left. It’s top secret.”

Leo stares at him. “Fine,” he hops off the table when the doctor won’t give. He sits on the wheelchair. “I’ll just wait until Tecton sees me again. I’ll ask him.”

“Okay, wait.” The decision tears Horace apart, but it’s evident even to Leo that the temptation of knowledge has become too irresistible. “Ugh, I can’t tell you this. It’s too dangerous.”

“My dad and I just got caught in a crossfire. Nothing in my life right now is not dangerous.”

“No. You don’t understand.” Horace walks on over to the examination table, leans on it as he decides. “I can’t tell you. I want to, kid, but I can’t. Like I said, I have to protect my employees and my patients. If even the little that I know gets out, we can be looking at something catastrophic.”

“But it’s been decades since.”

“Don’t underestimate how long evil can linger,” Horace cautions.

Leo wants to press for more, but somehow he understands. There’s something bigger at play, something that his father understands and Dr. Diaz doesn’t know he hold pieces of. More and more, it becomes clear that his grandparents’ deaths may be more than just a random act of violence.

Grandparents.

Leo fishes for the photograph from his back pocket and is relieved when he finds it still there. He takes it out, unfolds it, and smiles at them. Then, he gives it to Horace. “He married her, you know. Solstice,” he tells him.

A smile comes up to Horace’s lips as he looks at his best friend and his wife. “She’s pretty.”

“She is. Their kids don’t know what I know about them, though, so I’m kind of hoping we can keep this a secret.”

“Kids?”

“Two sons. Men now, actually,” Leo says, taking the picture back.

There’s a knock on the door. “Dr. Diaz, they’re waiting for him outside,” Philip says, peeking in. “I’ve told the Davenports. They said they’ll be making their way there.”

Horace nods, disoriented.

“Did you want me to cart him out for you?”

“No, no. I – Yes, but give us just one second.”

Philip nods, confused. He takes his leave and closes the door.

“Where are his kids?” Horace asks quietly. “Are they alive? Do you know where they are?”

Leo chuckles. “They’re no stranger to you, Dr. Diaz.”

“They’re...?”

The grin on his face shrinks. “You’ve probably been hearing about their oldest all shift long,” he says. “The Incapacitator. Joel Jones – Castle, actually. My dad is Dr. Castle’s son.”

The door opens again. “Dr. Diaz, I’m so sorry, but we really have to take him out there,” Philip says, grabbing the handles of the wheelchair. “The nurse said they’re pretty swamped, and if they don’t take him in within the next five minutes, the kid will have to wait for a few hours for a check-up.”

Horace nods numbly, his mind swimming with the new information. “Okay,” he says. “Okay.”

It dismays Leo that he didn’t get any more information. Still, the thought that he’s met someone who was another important part in his grandfather’s life makes him smile. “Thank you, Dr. Diaz,” he says as the nurse carefully turns his wheelchair around.

Horace grabs the armrest of the chair before they get out the door. He hesitates a moment. “Can you tell me more about what happened to him?” he asks. “Your grandfather?”

Leo nods. “After we both get a decent amount of sleep,” he promises.

Horace nods. He doesn’t seem to want to let go, questions about his best friend anchoring his fingers in place, but eventually his grip loosens.

Leo gives him a smile before he completely vanishes from view. It gives him some hope knowing that his grandfather is important to someone who’s in a position of power. Maybe that can keep the superheroes off ending The Incapacitator. Maybe they can arrest him without hurting him.

He looks down at the picture of his grandparents, grinning at him.

Maybe the world isn’t such a hopeless place after all.

[momiwanabeanautistwhenigrowup]

So here I am. Doing the one thing I have steadily avoided for the last 4 years…somewhat.

I shouldn’t start off this way but fuck I hate writing. And there goes the first impression, etched forever in your subconscious.

She’s not going to be happy about this. Meh.

So I’m a 30 y/o stuck in this hellhole and this is my story? I guess. I mean it’s really ours.

I basically made this account to vent ..uh then I realised I’d have to go all the way back for it to make sense…and I guess my life has always been this series/rpg game so it might take shape in that style. I’m mostly explaining this to myself.

Jump to 2016. I started this biography venture bc in my short 25 years I’d amassed a set of experiences that were not so average middle class life experiences, and not in the good way. Now if you take my story and place it on the backdrop of each life on this earth then, in my opinion, my life is pretty ordinary too. Hence the (reason I tell myself there was a) delay with finishing this biography. Anyway so I sat down to write this thing a total of two times(fucking literary genius) in 2016, sometime in April if I recall correctly. It was horrible but necessary, and then I guess I found magic? And decided to halt production since well…I was busy coming into awareness. I still have the draft on this pc... I stopped when I was 10 years old.

Jump to 2020 and I’m in front of this computer with Tumblr as my backdrop in order for me to feel like I have and audience and therefore someone to talk to (I decided to type this shit out on word before copy pasting to tumblr bc apparently I don’t like living on the edge??)

I’m high as fuck (I would like to say.. but na, I’m just regular high off some freshly home-grown microwaved weed.) anyway this is probably going to be my last indulgent ingestion of the stuff. Hopefully.

Don’t get me wrong, weed isn”t to blame and I have people I can talk to, but the problem is

Everyone

Has

Their

Own

Shit.

None I know has the space. I’m the most equipped to deal with myself. To me, that is deeply unsettling right now. Like… most people don’t even know where to begin and..well..I’ve been here before so I know what to do and honestly it’s fucking shit haha.

And as shitty as I feel, it doesn’t change the fact. I gotta figure this out on my own.

I’m a 30 y/o natural med student in my second year of my 5 year degree. I live at my parent’s house in a relatively good neighbourhood, I have the most comfortable bed, a loving cat, a good-looking bedroom and many middle class luxuries…like an en suite. I have a very comfortable house to live in and there is always food whenever I feel like eating or even just to cook for fun(my talents lie in the kitchen, potions, medicines and treats are my favourite pastimes, I love to nourish people. Don’t let it fool you though.) it’s c o v i d year rn and I don’t pay for shit.. factually, I’m pretty privileged to have all that I do physically.

My parents have always been around in physicality, even when they weren’t there, especially when they weren’t there… which was and still is a lot.  And in rolls one of the overarching themes emerges. Welcome welcome.

I got that far and took a Facebook break, bitch she runnin

So yeah I was born in this bitch back in 1990, two guys got here before me, one 11 years prior, the other 3 years after the first. Then I showed up after our parents reconciled after a 6-month separation. But like…that doesn’t happen in my life till 2019.

I’m currently contemplating piercing my lip or nose but I threw out all of my old jewellery. Geezus, it’s her and she is 22. (side note to myself,  please ignore)

Anyway so yeah I get borned unto these guys; a drummer butalso telephone technician and an accountant, both were raised as worker bees but are actually uh..nope. spoiler one is a caster the other is a timekeeper. Both mages, but they don’t know.

I was this scared to shit little creature of a child. I slept between them once It was safe to do so (I know almost nothing about kids but I’m assuming it’s a safety hazard to sleep next to new-borns? let alone to let them sleep between two people whom are also asleep. Also, I recall sleeping in this white, wooden cot thing which used to chill next to their bed. It opened up like some gates did in those medieval(<-never understood this word tbh) castles, the ones that go vertically up and down. (Yes, I remember. I remember realising I was back on this plane when I was 2 months old, it’s my earliest memory-trust me this becomes highly unimpressive once I turn 23 so hold on before you think I’m lookin for clout on this one). Like I get that that is cute and all, legit I was cradled in safety but like, that cradle started to close in very soon. Too much of a good thing changes poles kids. Leave Jesus alone he wants to have some him time.

So yeah a lot happens that was quite significant during these first 4 years but I don’t remember much but a few glimpses. Bouncing on my dad’s chest, the lounge on a sunny Sunday, mom in a beige coat, long pretty hair, a family vacation where I wore this 2 piece I loved and there was a blue waterslide tube, a fight about racism (early 90s, go figure..but like also 2020 fr) a roller-skating rink, a “haunted” forest walk, Easter…. man that vacation was fun. Most of the things I remember were from age 4 onwards. But I do have snippets of before.. playing dress up with my cousins, hiding in cupboards, hiding behind makeshift tents, maaaaany makeshift tents, talks about camping outside by the pool (oh we had quite a nice sized house with a huge yard and quite a big pool too, I learned to swim when I was two, I spent a lot of time in and around water as a kidling) I spent and remember most of my time with my cousins and being angry at our aunts. I did ballet from the age of 4 as well, I remember my mom asking me if I wanted to do ballet and I said yes, we were in this blue ballet room where one of my cousins was busy with her class. She got here 7 or 8 years ahead of me too.

Idk my childhood was pretty colourful, even today, I remember it being filled with lots of adventure. At least until I started going to crèche, but only for mornings until the other kids got here and it took my mind off of the fact that my mom wasn’t there. I hated it when my mom left me anywhere, I still remember what that felt like and it’s still nauseating despite the fact that I’m about 26 years older now.

also i’m finally posting this now and the high has already worn off. 24 hours to go.

fuck.

[purplesurveys]

842

have you ever violated school dress code? My Catholic school had us on a very tight leash and we’d have to be crazy to dare to break the dress code over there. My university doesn’t have a dress code though and anyone entering the campus can dress up any way they want, which I’ve always been grateful for. if you are listening to music, is the singer male/female? They are five dudes. what, if anything, do you give up for Lent? I never observed Lent; and as much of a religious fanatic my mother is, I’m glad she never forced me to fast or abstain from something I liked. what phrase leads your mind directly to the gutter? 69, even though it’s childish. when you feel like giving up, how do you convince yourself not to? I just tell myself that things will get better because that seems to be the pattern all the time with me, which is a really good thing.

what are your opinions on immigration? I don’t know much about the issues and its intricacies but as an Asian, I really admire fellow Asians who don’t speak a word of English, end up in the States or somewhere similar and build themselves a better life there. It’s fucking metal. would you tell an actual immigrant your views? Sure, if the topic is raised. what was the subject of the last list you made? There was a tweet asking people to list down which YouTubers practically ~raised them~ growing up, so I joined in the fun and gave my own names. If I remember correctly I listed down Pewdiepie, Smosh, Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and the entire Brit crew. do you ever get nervous before interviews/important meetings? Only if it’s supposed to be crucial. Like I imagine I’d be sweating bullets for my first job interview. who pays for the majority of your belongings? My parents. would you ever willingly shop in a thrift store? Of course. There are always some great finds in them. what is the most that you would ever spend on an outfit? Assuming I’m earning my own money, I’m willing to spend around ₱5000 to ₱10,000 on a top or bottom but I can widen my wallet a lot more if we’re talking shoes, because I like them more haha. is there anything you do that just outrages your parents? I know my mom hates it whenever she pulls us for online mass and I visibly grumble. I don’t know if my dad is annoyed with anything I do; and if he feels that way he’ll tell me. I respect him a lot more so if that’s the case, I’ll actually stop whatever it is I’m doing. when was the last time you were embarrassed in public? Probably when I was brought to the hospital a month ago and the nurse was explaining to me how to take a urine test.  have you ever won an award you were actually proud of? If Latin honors count, then yes. That was my only goal when I started college, and I reached it, so I’m allowing myself to be proud of, well, myself. the importance of education, rate it from 1-10, 10 as most important? 12. --- explain your choice to rate it as such? It’s different when you come from a third-world country. Education is realistically your only way out. what is the coolest science experiment you've ever done? I liked the ones that we did that involved chemicals and powders. are you experiencing difficulties with any friends right now? Not really. There’s a chance JM has been irritated with me because I always turn really grumpy when he messages me about work stuff, but if he is, at this point I don’t really care anymore because I’ve been detached from org work for a while now. I busted my ass for the org for three years so I think I’m entitled to feel detached now haha. how do you deal with a fight between yourself and a friend? I haven’t been in an argument with one of them in a while but I would prefer to talk it out. when you apologize to someone after a fight, how do you go about saying that you are sorry? I apologize and I mention the thing I did that they were hurt by, so that they feel acknowledged. In the end, I tell them that I’ll be better and if there’s anything I can do to make them feel better or to make the situation better, that they shouldn’t hesitate to let me know. have you ever played around with "dry ice"? No. Isn’t that dangerous lol? do you think parents are responsible for the actions of their children? For the most part, yes. But I know there are still some instances where parents can try and try to be understanding and be the best influences, but their kids will still end up going down the wrong path. There isn’t one answer to this, I think. should the military draft take both men AND women? why/why not? I don’t know, it’s a little complicated. I’m definitely all about equality and providing the same opportunities for men and women, but I know there’s a lot of issues on sexual harassment and assault in the military that have yet to be fixed. Until that’s ironed out and I hear change taking place, it seems a little shady to randomly pick out women to join the military.  when was the last time that you corrected someone? My mom had a grammatical error in her Facebook post from yesterday so I told her what the right word to use was. when was the last time you were corrected? I set the table for breakfast today and apparently it wasn’t enough for my mom, who liked her plate to be set in a certain way. when did you last say "i told you so"? Maybe when Kate told me she had broken up with the guy she was having a thing with, lol. is there any celebrity you like to "keep up with"? Not really. I think I’m over that phase now. I’ll check up my faves from time to time, but otherwise I don’t feel the need to read daily updates on them anymore. celebrity gossip: YAY or BOO? Yay if it has substance or if it’s controversial, like a celebrity being exposed for sexual harassment; boo if it’s something stupid like “Kendall Jenner spotted eating pasta today.” what is the most life-changing book you have read? I haven’t encountered it yet. have you had a negative impact on anyone's life? I would say so. I wasn’t always the nicest kid; and I also did a shitty job handling my friendship with Sofie when we were off to college. has anyone had a negative impact on yours? who/why? Yeah. Some relatives, some teachers who didn’t know how to act like teachers, and some people I distinctly remember that bullied me when I was a kid. how will you know when you are ready to get married? I guess when I’m no longer nervous thinking about it and when I’m already 100% sure that I’m independent and capable of looking out for myself. I don’t wanna be married and still be slightly dependent on my parents, which is what a lot of young Filipino married couples end up doing. how much time have you spent contemplating your own death? A very, very good amount. is there a joke that you just can't stand? Ones that you just can’t defend and are just simply offensive, like slavery or poverty. I’ve seen a few shows where they’d refer to the Philippines being poor or being a source of child labor for laughs, and they’ve never been funny to me. have you ever read any self-help books? No, I don’t really trust those lol since they’re usually written by people from other countries who most likely have different experiences and perspectives. If I need some help I’d rather figure it out myself and hear from people that I trust, like my friends. what's your take on the obesity problem in america? It’s a serious problem, obviously. I don’t know much about it other than the fact that Americans are crazy about their fast food and that their serving sizes are ginormous. I really hope they find more ways to address it. what is something you used to love, but now greatly dislike? Journalism. what is something you used to dislike, but now like? Chicken curry, and I think spicy food in general haha. when/if you become a parent, what will you do differently, compared to how your parents raised you? I’ll be more involved. I’ll compliment them more, not invalidate their feelings, and I’ll let them talk when I do something that upsets them, and I’ll apologize to them for it.

do you equate spanking with physical abuse? would you spank a child? The way Filipino parents do it, yeah especially. They don’t just do it with their hands - spanking kids here usually involve slippers and belts. My mom forbade anyone to spank me and my siblings, but nonetheless I watched it happen to my cousins and that alone was traumatic enough for me. How much more for them?

The thing is that it can’t be assumed that kids are able to process why they’re being punished, so I think that any physical punishment to them will just drive them away from their parents, which to me makes it physical abuse. I would never spank my own kids. what's the most ridiculous thing you've done this week? Skipping out the rest of my shower because a moth came into the bathroom and started flying around me lmaoooo eugh. --- did you regret it/love it/hate it/want to do it again/etc? I fucking hated it. if your bf/gf wanted to wait until marriage for sex, would you be willing? Yes. Sex honestly isn’t really a big deal to me. when you look at the sunset, what do you think about/feel? I don’t really think when I look at the sunset. I just admire how pretty it looks and savor the quick few seconds of the sun going down. is there someone you wish you could trust/you wish was trustworthy? No? I don’t wait on people to be trustworthy, if that’s what you mean. I’m grateful for the people who are already around me that I can trust. is there anyone that you no longer want in you life? who/why? There are times I wish I could get rid of my mom so that I don’t get yelled at as much anymore and so that I don’t have anyone watching my every move so much so that I’m cautious to walk around in my own house.

how has your outlook on life changed in the past few years? I’m a lot happier and more stable this time around. I’m glad I stayed around to see the change happen. have you ever walked out of a boring movie (in theaters)? Absolutely not. Even if the movie was bad, I’d watch it through the end. Ticket prices are not to be fucked with lol. how open are you with people you know online? ...What do you think? what do you think of athletes that take steroids? Idk about other sports but that’s a big fuck no in wrestling, after it’s led to addiction, overdoses, and a lot of deaths especially in the 80s and 90s. if a celebrity is involved in scandal after scandal, is that likely to affect how you view him/her & his/her work? Depends on the scandal. I don’t mind when nudes or videos get leaked because honestly, the leakers are the assholes in that situation. But if the scandal is something like people speaking out to accuse a celebrity of racism, abuse, or harassment, then I can very much turn against that person. what is one celebrity that you have zero respect for? Amber Heard. have you ever driven under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Just slightly tipsy, but I’ve always made sure that I’m super super super aware of my surroundings in those times. I won’t drive – and I know my friends won’t allow me to – if I was even just a little dizzy. I’m always the first to start sobering up when I go out to drink because I’m usually the only one with a car and thus responsible for bringing my friends home. are you overly attached to your material possessions? For the most part, yeah. have you ever ridiculed anyone for their clothing choices? Not to their faces. living in poverty: what do you think it'd be like? I already live in a country wallowing in it. My family isn’t poor, but I see poverty on a daily basis nonetheless. No documentary or article can best explain it to anyone who has never lived in a poverty-stricken country. Pretty insensitive question btw. what is one "diet" that you think is just utterly worthless? I’m not familiar with any of them. what advice would you give someone that is uncomfortable with his or her body/appearance? I prefer not to give advice because some people don’t wanna hear it and just wanna hear reassurances and boosters. That said, I’ll just keep encouraging them and telling them that they look really good in their outfit and just making them feel valid and seen. what advice would you give someone about to start high school? Don’t be scared to make mistakes and while you should always study hard and do your best, don’t take everything seriously. It’s high school and won’t matter on your professional resume.   what foreign food are you NOT interested in trying? Uhhhh this question makes no sense to me ahahaha I’m always down to try anything. what foreign country do you believe is misunderstood? I can’t speak for other countries but I know mine is pretty misunderstood. I’ve read countless testimonies of Filipinos getting condescendingly told “You speak good English for a Filipino” by white Americans, not knowing that their country conquered mine for 40ish years. That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to misconceptons about my country and its people.    have you ever felt entirely unwanted and alone? Of course. in your eyes, which is worse: rape or murder? Both are equally bad and disgusting but I’ll have to go with rape, because 1) the victim has to live with the trauma and fear for the rest of their life, 2) victims are usually too scared to speak out for fear of being judged or not being believed, and 3) victim-blaming is still a big problem today. do you understand/read shakespeare? No. When we took up Shakespeare in high school I bought the No Fear versions. would you feel comfortable living with someone that owned a gun? No. do you know anyone that lives in a foreign country? Tons.

[petrichoravellichor]

Warmth (a Gabriel x Meg ficlet)

Tags: AU, Oh my god they were roommates, established friends(?) with benefits, cuddling

Rating: T

Wordcount: ~1.4k

*****

Come Monday, Meg decided, she was going to kill Sam Winchester.

It was only fair when you thought about it, and she’d had all last night to think about it as she’d coughed and sneezed and not fucking slept due to being unable to breathe through her nose, all thanks to Sam “I-Come-to-Work-All-Week-Even-When-I’m-Sick” Winchester. The fact that he’d shown up at the office on Friday smiling and looking ninety-five percent back to normal just added insult to injury: while she spent her Saturday bundled miserably on the couch watching reruns of CSI Miami, Winchester was probably out enjoying himself, running six marathons or whatever the fuck someone who ate a kale salad for lunch every day did for fun on their days off. Bastard.

It didn’t help that it was the middle of winter and the building’s heat was out, and Meg had lived there long enough to know that it wasn’t getting fixed any time soon. Chuck wasn’t an asshole the way some of Meg’s previous landlords had been, but he was flaky as hell and seemed more interested in drafting his weekly newsletter than actually managing the property. The only plus side was that he often forgot to collect rent until mid-way through the month, a notable perk when you were living paycheck to paycheck.

Snatching a tissue from the box at her side, Meg blew her nose for what felt like the hundredth time and tugged her blanket closer. The living room got a bit more direct sunlight than the rest of the apartment and was therefore slightly warmer than her bedroom, but even so, she was practically shivering. For a moment, she actually contemplated relocating to Gabriel’s room, which was usually the warmest in the apartment, before ultimately deciding she was better off staying on the couch.

Gabriel had been her roommate for the past four months, ever since Meg had broken things off with her cheating ex and subsequently found herself unable to afford rent on her own. After interviewing what felt like half the city’s psych ward, she’d settled on Gabriel Milton, who was new to the neighborhood and looking for a place close to the soul food restaurant he’d just gotten a job at. Meg’s first impression of Gabriel was that his perpetual lopsided smile would get real old real fast, but he’d been the first person she’d met with who had both a steady job and no police record, so she’d figured what the hell and told him to move in his stuff.

And if they had hooked up since then, well, that was neither here nor there.

It was a one-time thing, she’d said; of course, he’d agreed. That it had been a one-time thing three times now was something Meg refused to think too much about and which Gabriel thankfully never seemed to feel the need to remind her.

Her stomach rumbled, and she was just contemplating dragging herself to the kitchen to see what she might be able to scrape together this late in the month when the front door unlocked with a click and Gabriel entered, a few errant snowflakes still clinging to his clothes. He took one look at her, wrapped up from head to toe in her bed’s thickest blanket and surrounded by a nest of used tissues, and grinned.

“Well hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” he said, turning to hang his beanie and scarf on the rack by the door, “finally managed to slay that dragon you were fighting last night?”

Meg gave him a withering glare. “Yeah, and I’m still in a killing mood, so go ahead, keep talking.”

“Fine, fine, have it your way,” replied Gabriel, still smiling as he set down his messenger bag to strip off his coat. “I mean, I was going to tell you that I brought us dinner, but if you’d rather I keep that bit of information to myself…”

Damn it. Well, no point in giving in easy. She gave a dismissive shrug. “Depends what you brought.”

“Fried chicken, mac and cheese, and enough cornbread to use as a pillow.” Gabriel held up a finger in a gesture of “but wait, there’s more!” and pulled a small plastic container out of his messenger bag. “Even whipped up some peach cobbler for dessert.”

Meg arched a brow, grudgingly impressed. “Aren’t you worried they’re gonna fire you one of these days for all the free food you take?”

“Eh, not really,” said Gabriel, picking up his bag and moving to the kitchen. “Missouri loves me, says I’m the best cook she’s ever had. Besides, she’s the one who tells me to take it.”

“Really.”

“Swear to God! Apparently, I look ‘underfed’.”

Meg scoffed, twisting to look over the back of the couch as Gabriel bustled about the kitchen. “Well, you are kinda short.”

“I prefer ‘fun sized’,” said Gabriel, throwing her a wink as he spooned food onto two plates. “And anyhoo, you try saying no to her. Pretty sure she’d just stash food in my bag when I wasn’t looking.”

They ate on the couch, Meg doing her best to appear indifferent about how good the food tasted even as Gabriel gave her that annoying pleased look that made her feel like saw right through her. He told her about some of the more interesting customers he’d seen at work that day, such as the mother-son combo who had bickered like an old married couple (“But man, she was a looker! Had an accent, too.”) and the friend of Missouri’s who had stopped by for lunch (“A blind palm reader, believe it or not.”) and the two men in suits who had apparently spent more time looking at each other than eating their food (“I swear, I was this close to sticking my head through the food window and telling them to just kiss already: that was some serious eye-fucking they had going on.”). Meg rolled her eyes at the last one, wondering how anyone could be that oblivious to something right in front of them.

“So how’re you feeling?” Gabriel asked as they finished their cobbler. “Heard you coughing lots last night. You actually get any sleep?”

Meg sighed and shook her head. “Couldn’t get comfortable.”

“Make up for it today, at least?”

“No, but I did come up with about fifty ways to kill the idiot who got me sick.”

“Fun!” said Gabriel, standing and collecting their empty plates. “Care to share the highlights?”

“Current favorite involves shoving him into a giant salad spinner and cranking it until the Gs get him.”

Gabriel nodded in approval as he disappeared into the kitchen. “Creative, I like it.” Meg heard the sound of plates being put into the sink and soaked; a moment later, Gabriel emerged and resumed his seat on the couch. “What else you got?”

Meg shrugged, tugging her blanket tighter. “Could just stick him in here and let him freeze. Maybe that’ll be enough to make Chuck fix the fucking heat.”

Gabriel peered over at her. “You cold?”

“No, genius, I’m shivering from murderous excitement,” she deadpanned, but Gabriel just laughed.

“‘Genius’, huh? You know, I think that might just be the nicest thing you’ve ever called me,” he said wistfully, and before Meg could respond, he’d shifted to sit with his back against the arm of the couch and was extending a hand in her direction. “All right, Murder Queen, bring it in.”

“What for?”

“Because the murderous excitement part might have been a lie, but the shivering part wasn’t, and you know I tend to run hot. Probably due to my sunny disposition.”

“That, or you’re just full of hot air.”

“It’s charm, actually, but hey, points for trying,” quipped Gabriel, before tilting his head to regard her with a more earnest expression. “Seriously, though, come ’ere.” He waggled his eyebrows and added, “Promise I won’t bite unless you ask me to.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She crawled forward, shifting with Gabriel until she was lying between his legs with her head tucked under his chin, the blanket now wrapped snugly over them both. Gabriel wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, and Meg closed her eyes, suppressing a contented sigh at how good the warmth felt.

“There, see?” came Gabriel’s voice, and she knew without looking that he was wearing that damned pleased-with-himself smile. “This is nice.”

Meg gave a sleepy, noncommittal grunt. “Yeah, well don’t get used to it,” she mumbled, feeling herself start to drift off. “This is a—” yawn “—a one-time thing.”

Gabriel chuckled. “Of course,” he said, and if she felt a little extra warmth at the soft kiss he pressed to the top of her head, well, that was neither here nor there.

[jq37]

sooo.... what’s the tea on the new ep? :)

**spoilers for family in flames**

I have so much to say I’m not drafting this on tumblr lest it crash and I lose a soul-crushing amount of yelling into the void.

And, I gotta say, THIS episode is the reason I haven’t posted my adult rankings list yet. THIS RIGHT HERE. I KNEW some crap was gonna go down and force me to make some HUGE adjustments.

Also, We are feeling vindicated in this house today! But let’s start from the top and work our way down.

“Raise your hands if you really care about your parents.”

Fabian having to be like, “Look, your parents suck but don’t you have siblings?” (Kristen: Ugh, I guess)

Adaine pointing out that she cares about Gorgug’s parents.

Brennan listening to them argue about what to do like he doesn’t know they’re about to be arrested for a whole ass MONTH.

Fig wanting to method act while texting the phone, pretending to be scared.

So is the arcade owner (Frank Dunford) relevant? Brennan had the name on hand. But maybe it was just him being a good worldbuilder and anticipating the question. I feel like it’s probably that because this is late in the game to be introducing new people who are super relevant.

“Gilear’s got a little knife”

I KNEW those arcade prizes were gonna be gear they could pick up! ALWAYS RAID THE ROOM. Some of that stuff might have helped in the fight. I loved the group silently reading the cards and exchanging them to whoever they thought it would help most in the background as Brennan did the ID spell.

“This has been, if I may say so, the *best* use of the identify spell.”

I love that Adaine thanks everyone, including her inanimate spells. She’s just a good person.

OK so this episode addressed a LOT of questions I had about how these literal children were getting away with all of these murders and such. Apparently, the adventuring academy kids traditionally just get away with this stuff because of Arthur’s influence and the nature of adventurers.

Adaine coming in hot with the diplomatic immunity and then remembering, oh wait, we’re at war w/ Falinel.

Fig immediately starting smoking when she gets arrested.

I love the federal agent outsider with perspective coming in and being rightfully horrified by the absolute nonsense that’s been going on the past 15 episodes.

Is Riz’s mom the only competent cop at this station? Is there a one competent adult per location rule?

Bill Seacaster Upon Learning the Bad Kids are In Jail: Did you try to escape?

“How are things going?”/“I mean bad. I’m in jail.”

Fig upon offhandedly and indirectly being called a vigilante by Sklonda: Thank you.

Emily loses it whenever anything happens in Gilear’s orbit.

Wild that Adaine decided to spontaneously call Goldenhoard considering what happened later. Like, it wasn’t a completely out of nowhere decision and it was totally logical but they could have easily overlooked that decision. 

Like, I know things happen later that make this kinda moot but I loved Goldenhoard’s conversation with Adaine in jail. “Don’t to talk to anyone without a lawyer and kill anyone you have to to get out. The school will pay for the rezzes.”/“That’s exactly what our plan was. God, I love this school.”

Although, sidenote, I feel like you can only easily rez someone within a minute? Like, I know there are other D&D spells that let you do it after a longer period of time but with the whole phoenix egg thing and the fact that they haven’t come up so far, I feel like Brennan isn’t using the in this setting for stakes reasons.

Man that whole conversation with Fig and her mom. Emily plays Fig so balls to the wall that I kinda forget sometimes that she’s actually an intelligent adult woman who knows what she’s doing with the character so I really shouldn’t be surprised with how well she stuck the emotional beats of this episode.

Gorthalax man! TyraWeWereAllRootingForYou.gif If he left, like, actually left and isn’t just held up somehow, then that’s gonna be really not great for Fig’s general psyche. 

Kristen COMPLETELY undercutting the moment by point blank asking if they had sex.

No wonder Sandra-Lynn was so worried about Fig. She was totally Fig growing up. Which, lol, she’s not even half tiefling. She was just *like that*

Oh so Gilear has always been super lame. Good to know.

Fig: I think I have mommy issues./The Rest of the Party: You have all the issues.

Fabian: You’re trying to hook up with a 25 year old adult./Fig: What do you mean trying?I’m successfully kissing him once every couple weeks. (Which, lol but also I’m glad that’s as far as it got…you know if it has to go any amount forward).

They just let Bill into the cell?????

Lou when Zac rolls a 1 for perception on Bill Secaster and he knows what’s coming: Don’t fucking do this. (Everyone else: Already trying not to lose it)

Zac’s Gorgug being contemplative and also completely wrong face is so funny to me every time.

“Why would you kill me?”/“Why would you know that?”

Who is more insane? Gorgug for suggesting him and Fabian could be twins (aren’t they different ages????) or Bill for thinking he’s so awesome he could somehow do that?

Kristen trying to help FIg distract Bill by blurting out, “Have you ever had sex?” After the conversation where he said point blank he’s slept with 100s of orc women. 

Fabian yelling at his dad is kinda undercut by continuing to call him papa in the most poncy accent.

I don’t think I’ve articulated this properly before but this episode really drove it home: Fabian and Bill have a *close* relationship but not an entirely healthy one. Like, better than Adaine and her parents by leaps and bounds but he wrestled his son in a jail cell while his friends just watched. Like, who does that?

Imagine if Riz had tried to get between Bill and Fabian. 

Also imagine being the rest of the party just sitting there, watching that go down.

“We’ve spent so much of our lives obsessed with our dads and we’ve completely ignored our moms.”/“You’re just again talking about yourself.”

I can’t believe Fig’s suggestion spell would have worked if head boss in charge fed lady hadn’t been there. Speaking of her, as soon as she showed up I knew they weren’t going to be able to shenanigan their way out of this one (which is literally the word Emily used, hilariously). I don’t think even a nat 20 would have gotten them very far. Remember last week when I said that I was sure there was going to be a prom finale but I was also pretty sure there was still a good chunk of time before prom? As soon as they got arrested and the feds showed up I was like, “Oh they are not getting out until prom for sure.”

Siobhan trying not to laugh while Emily tries a ridiculous plan that might have worked in a different episode honestly.

Ally trying to Pirates of the Carribean her way out of the jail cell.

The cops didn’t even take their stuff in a month!

“I’m glad this is in my head and no one else can hear things like this.”

I love how Fabian rolls his eyes at Adaine for thanking her spells but he always thanks the Hangman.

Realistically the Hangman would have told Fabian the plan before it happened but the way it played out was soooo good.

The return of Mr. Cubby!!!! I was hoping it would be him but man! It was still so awesome to see happen. I wonder if Brennan introduced that family specifically in case the group ever needed to be busted out of jail (a likely need).

“Laws are threats made by the dominant socioeconomic ethnic group of a given nation.”

“You guys wanna make some bacon?”

“That was on fire the whole time? You’re so brave!” Adaine likes adults who aren’t her parents so much.

Riz being like uhhhhh my mom works here.

“To the AV club!”/“It’s been months!”

OK so they took a palimpsest from Bill in this episode. That was there to tip them off that he’s up to something I’m sure, but I feel like that could also turn out to be a Chekov’s gun for next ep. I’m sure the ability to trap someone’s should would be useful in the finale.

S/O to Brennan for his excellent foreshadowing throughout the episode and honestly the whole series.

Siobhan thinking to check the trash folder of his computer was a good move, even if it didn’t end up being the right one.

OK, strap in guys. This is where things get WILD.

Siobhan’s “Oh shit!” when she got halfway down the page of Watches and Wards and then that Harry Potter sounding sting in the background.

(Before I get any further, I love that Adaine’s first thought was well that means my sister isn’t Kal Vaxis because she thinks her sister is the root of all evil).

But WOW. After all the trash talking of the old oracle, it turns out Adaine is the new eleven oracle! And she has been since EPISODE ONE. I almost thought she was gonna be *that* elven oracle because of the questions the cast was asking but nope. It is, as Zac and Siobhan put it, a The Santa Clause situation where the last one dies and someone else gets the job.

Brennan’s faint amusement as they work through that is so good.

You know what’s kinda hilarious in hindsight about that? I said before that, so far, every person Adaine has pegged as trash has ended up being trash of the highest order and an enemy of the party and of course she’s been good at predicting things! She’s the literal oracle.

Am I reading this wrong or is the Religious Studies teacher name Yolanda Badgood?

Also the sheet says “Lunchlad (Official Title)” RIP dude.

Emily low key thinking this is going to be about pay disparity between the races.

Will putting the book back retroactively get rid of anything bad currently cast in school?

Brennan going, “Nothing happens.”/“You see an upside down waste paper basket.” Is such a GM mood. I had a session once where I spent half an hour just saying, “You’re looking at the door,” in various ways.

No one knows what Goldenhoard’s name actually is and it’s the second to last episode.

I feel like Brennan must have gotten forehead/cheek kissed a lot as a child because he’s constantly having NPCs do it. 

Are elves in this setting actually immortal (barring being actually killed) or just long lived? Because Adaine talks like she’s immortal but I wasn’t sure. Anyway, newsflash Adaine. You’ve been mortal this whole campaign! Because apparently, the elven oracle always eventually dies. 

I love that Adaine finally confronted the oracle about sinking on a ship and actually ended up kinda sympathizing with her. I can’t believe this is how that running joke ends.

Fabian at the ghost of the past eleven oracle who’s imparting wisdom on Adaine: Who are you?

Ally: Can I do something weird? (Dude, when do you not?)

Ally mumbling through an inspiring spell as Murph clues in to the paperwork discrepancy that blows the plot twist wide open. And then miming the whole thing in the background as the scene goes on.

“He was mean so I thought that meant he was a good guy.” More stern than mean really but yeah! Same Murph!

You know how you know things are about to get real? When the DM starts letting you do stuff like bust down doors without even rolling for it because there are bigger fish to fry.

The 69 glyphs of binding. Nice.

But in seriousness, Kal Vaxis (apparently it’s spelled Kalvaxus but I can’t be bothered to change that in this post) was apparently trapped by Arthur and bound to work at Aguefort (as Goldenhoard) because…he’s a wildcard I guess. Sidenote, can you imagine what this season might have looked like if Arthur hadn’t died? Or was that always the plan for him to die in some way? Like to resurrect an NPC maybe if the crew hadn’t lost 2 party members.

Man when he said last ep that the girls were going back to school I thought OK that makes sense because it’s the AV computer that Biz used or maybe it’s Penelope. But I totally overlooked teachers.

OK so the binding spell specifically says “as long as I live” and Arthur is dead. So….what does that mean exactly? And this plan seems to have been in motion from before Arthur died. What does that mean? Also, if that wording means he’s freed when Arthur dies, what was Arthur thinking killing himself???? Did he need Kristen to sneak him into heaven so he could talk to Sol and do some scheming or something? AHHHHH I have so many questions.

Also in the binding is a clause about tea. Now, first of all, Arthur, bro. Come on. Second of all, a lawyer really should have looked at that. “I will drink anything you give me”? I work at a law firm. I’m a lowly first year but even I know that’s a terrible thing to put in a contract. I’m sure y'all non lawyers know that too!

Karam-Kajam (the binding spell words) kinda looks like “magic maker” backwards. That doesn’t mean anything. I just wanted y'all to know I was freeze framing every thing that might be a clue.

OK ok ok, so I’ve been saying for a while now (in posts but mainly over chat) that all this bad stuff must be like connected to a central person in service of a central goal but the players were probably all unconnected wild cards acting in self interest. The one thing I couldn’t quite put together was what because these plots have been mainly unconnected. But now, we have it! All the weird things starting a war (by manipulating the harvestmen), getting 7 maidens (by manipulating Biz), and reinstating prom king/queen (by manipulating (?) Penelope and Dayne, also yes! my wild card guess was that prom king/queen was going to be part of a spell or curse or something. Guess it was prophecy but yes! vindication!) are parts of a prophecy on how to bring back Kalvaxis! (Along with him getting his “glittering treasure”?)

But yeah! No wonder it was so hard to put the pieces together! They all connected but only through a prophecy. Good job Bren!

“The sun shall fall from the heavens” is part of the prophecy which makes me think Sol or Helios might be involved in this somehow.

Ally: There are definitely going to be 7 virgins at prom. (That deserved a rim shot).

Good on Murph for making sure none of them were on the virgin list bc that would have been a pain in the ass to find out mid-fight. Also, I KNEW “Where are their bodies” was the question to ask last ep when Biz said they were going back to their bodies.

“Who told you that? An oracle?”

I hope Adaine just uses her oracle status to make sick one liners like, “I predict this is gonna hurt,” before she witchbolts someone. She never does her actual job. 

Adaine who hates her family, righteously indignant: Between our houses and the world, you expect us to choose our houses?

The rest of the group who loves their family: BYEEEEE.

Well, no. Kristen also had reservations before she remembered her brothers existed.

Adaine texting her mom: You should probably leave.

Siobahn and Ally fistbumping over their mutual not caring about their parents.

OK so what’s up with the rat? What’s so important about the rat? And what’s up with Zayne? We still haven’t figured out what’s up with him.

Still not clear on if the crystals trap your physical body or just your spirit and leave your physical body dormant irl.

So that’s how they got rid of the adults for the fight. Nice job again Brennan.

As far as I can tell, Brennan made up this usage of the word palimpsest and I’d never heard of the word before and now I type it so much. Wild.

“I’m calling an Uber. You use the minute to go look at as much shit as you can. Jump in the Uber with me, come to my house. Look Rudolpho will be here in two minutes in a Honda Civic. Use one of those minutes. Go.”

A Knight to Remember. 

They freaking Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to Kristen’s house.

I love how Uber Drivers in this world are still gunning for 5 stars.

OK, time for the most stressful 30 minutes of Fantasy High (so far).

I think the wagering mechanic Brennan used for the fights was brilliant. For each conflict a d20 was rolled. 1-6=epic fail. 7-14=bad but not awful. 15-20=favorable outcome. The twist was that if the person chose to help their family they could give up half their HP and 14 spell levels and he would roll with advantage.

Everyone quickly took that deal except Adaine who truly does not give a damn about her family (and also, reasonably, thought that they wouldn’t even be at home. Idk why they apparently were tbh).

When Emily said, “She’s a complex person and she’s allowed to be,” that was the moment I was like, “Oh yeah. She’s not actually Fig. IRL she knows what’s happening.”

Siobhan uses her divination roll of 18 to save Kristen’s family without having to risk anything but the Ally turns around and decides to take the deal to try and save Adaine’s family WHEN ADAINE DOESN’T EVEN CARE. But it makes sense that Kristen would.

Lou’s monolog as Brennan rolls about how nerve wracking and terrible it is to have no idea what’s going on.

“This is the worst thing I’ve been a part of.”

“I was wondering why my mom visited me and humanized herself and this is exactly why.”

Lou/Fabian: What if my fucking family dies? (F O R E S H A D O W I N G, albeit unknowingly)

Brennan (sagely): It couldn’t have been any other way./Siobhan: It could’ve been!

lol at Adaine trying to trigger that ice cream later wish at their darkest moment (so far). Also, not that I think Brennan ever forgot about it but now I’m for sure it’s gonna come up next ep bc if nothing else that would have reminded him.

OK first up, Fig and her mom.

“Dang they’re already organized with costumes?”

That was so boss, her mom getting revived and then IMMEDIATELY shooting two guys w/ her bow.

Emily LEGIT crying through that scene. The whole room was on an emotional tightrope. You can tell.

Where in the mountains Sandra-Lynn!? I want specifics Sandra-Lynn!!

I love the idea of her jumping out of a window onto a dope griffin’s back. Fig’s mom just bought herself a bunch of spots on my grown-up rankings list.

Ally: THAT WAS NUMBER ONE

Me: SAME.

Next Riz at Strongtower

I knew Sklonda was going to be in the secret room!

I love that apparently Riz can recognize his mom’s gun by hearing it.

I know it was in the promo but Riz’s mom being like, “I was so scared you were gonna ask me to prom” was hysterical.

You just know Sklonda and Agent Angela have been fighting like cats and dogs this past month.

Riz and his mom high fiving. They have the best relationship.

Gorgug and the Thistlesprings

lol, looks like his parents had the easiest time wrecking their intruders.

But based on how it was described as compared to everyone else (bar Fabian–we’re getting there), it sounds like he got pretty dang hurt.

And I guess they have a tank (which they usually use to mow the lawn) and a bomb chest? Wild.

Anyway, if anything had happened to them insert Rosa B99 meme.

“You come to the tree, you better be ready to never fucking leave, you understand?” So boss. (Also, is that a pun?)

Gorgug’s parents launched a satellite while Gorgug was in jail.

Kristen and co.

Kristen’s dad (who is the worst): You think these guys were illegals, what?

Kristen: I’m gonna take the car, byeeee.

Kristen and Adaine bonding over their terrible parents.

I’m Concerned about Kristen’s brothers.

Abernants

They poofed out. Idk why they were still there to begin with.

So the damage they took was supposed to represent the danger the took in their respective fights. Kristen got Adaine’s divination roll meaning her family was fine either way but she did take damage for Adaine’s family. But the fight was already over by the time they got there. So, in story, any injuries sustained must have been from the fight at her house, even though that wasn’t technically the deal.

Anyway, Adaine doesn’t care about her family so let’s not waste any time moving onto

Seacaster manor

Geez

OK, you guys. Let me tell you my buildup to the realization that Bill had to die.

In the first set of episodes, when tone was established, I said to myself, a parent is going to die. I don’t know who, but someone will.

Then, Bill gave them a training montage and I thought, curse of the mentor. He’s going to die. Besides, he’s one of the biggest parental figures and he’s larger than life–perfect for a fall.

Then Sklonda took down the Harvestmen and I briefly shifted my worry to her.

But then Fabian started clashing with Bill. And I remembered all the constant talk of his mortality.

And then, this ep, Brennan made him choose between his mom and dad and I was pretty sure. (sidenote: Fabian yelling at his mom the same ep Adaine said he has a great relationship with his mom. But, like, compared to her, maybe. Also, mean Brennan.)

And then Fabian lost an eye (with a description that still makes me wince) and I KNEW. Once he lost his eye, there was no way Bill could leave the fight alive, thematically.

Honestly, it was a wrap when Fabian played the video from his dad. I was worried he’d die before he got there. 

(It was a low blow, and I credit you that.)

Why were there Harvestmen attacking Fabian’s house and no one elses?

Fabian’s mom just drinking while the house is being raided.

I was so sure the tuxed Harvestman who attacked Fabian was going to turn out to somehow be Daybreak or something. Anyway, it has to come up again. There’s no reason for that level of detail otherwise. And tux sounds like prom attire.

Lou rolls a nat 1 and then rerolls it because he has the lucky trait. What’s funny is just started listening to NADNDPod and Murph (who reminded Lou about the lucky thing) disallowed one of his players from rerolling a nat 1 even w/ the lucky in the last ep I listened to. I don’t remember if the circumstances were different though.

Bill handcuffing himself up to keep fighting. Yikes.

Anyway, ugh that whole death scene. I would write more but this is closing in on 4k words and I’ve been working on this for hours. I just wanna say, that was a perfect way to go out for him. Killing 60 people and then getting stabbed by his son and exploding. So baller (as was Fabian jumping out the window onto his bike and catching Bill’s sword. He has so many cool swords now).

It’s a crime no one does animatics for this show.

We also got a piece of the puzzle. Bill was the one supplying the palimpsests (or at least one of the ones. who was doing it before?) not for an evil reason. Just a chaotic neutral reason of wanting to recapture the glory days. So now we know that.

I mentioned this before but…Fabian is Thor.

“I SHALL LEAP INTO HELL AND KILL THE DEVIL HIMSELF” and Bill Seacaster is dril apparently.

I love Fabian destroying the nice thing Bill said about him to preserve his legacy.

Ally: HE COULD HAVE SURVIVED.

I appreciate so much that Lou knew his character so well that without any hesitation he stabbed Bill and that was the right choice.

Whew, that was a lot.

Also, not that I don’t trust Brennan but it’s wild that Bill, the most thematically appropriate parent to die, was the only one who failed his roll apparently. 

Aww at Zelda’s message to Gorgug. She made him a playlist! So 80’s high school. It gives him a bonus! Also I really wanna know what’s on the list. Like, is it all fantasy rock puns or actual songs? Yay for Brennan giving them cool items for good RPing. 

Live band. Nice.

Emily and Zac both rolled 20’s for initiative for next week’s fight. Hopefully that’s a good omen. We have no way of knowing because THERE’S NO PROMO FOR NEXT WEEK.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

This isn’t edited. This is more than 4000 words. This is so long my computer is about to die. Thank you and goodnight. 

[fatetrollsblog]

Meet Kevala Nekure!

Hey guys! Mod Ral here to tell you Them Sweet Facts™ about my first oc ever, Kevala Nekure, a cobaltblood! You'll be able to interact with him and ask him questions after this post if you so wish to do so, he doesn't bite that hard i promise ^^;;

I'll proceed just like mod Leo did in his post, as follows:

Basic information

Personality, traits etc.

Additional information and info about Sburb

1. Basic information

Oh boy how do i begin- (with the beginning Ral what the hell are you doing)

The boy's name is Kevala Nekure and he's a cobaltblood, Kevala meaning "lonely" in Nepali and Nekure meaning "wolf" in Bengali. I chose to name my ocs words in foreign languages because mod Leo advised me to do so, and although his oc naming skills have improved over time, mine didn't, so i guess you're stuck with google translated names for now.

His name literally meaning "lonely wolf", i created Kevala to be this boy that tries too hard to be surrounded by people as much as possible by manipulating them, without really realising that at times he might need his own solitude. A cobaltblood who mostly sees just his own needs and ideals, which could be his downfall one day. The only living being that has been there since the very beginning and has always tolerated him is his lusus, wolfdad! He's a 2m tall wolf with really soft white fur and cobalt-colored paws, always ready to give some Wise Life Advice™.

Kevala lives in an apartment in a city with incredibly tall buildings. He's always liked listening the city noise while contemplating his poor life choices, something he does often but will never admit. Also, it brings him comfort that even as a wriggler he was smart enough to plan the location and structure of his hive, because the sunlight almost never enters his room due to the tall buildings that block it.

11. Personality, traits etc.

Kevala is a simple guy - or so he likes to say. He's under the strong assumption that people only like hearing what they want to hear, which is something that he takes advantage of and even abuses in some special cases. He tells people 'little white lies' with a smile on his face and it automatically makes them believe he's their trustworthy friend, which they couldn't be more wrong about. Of course, none of this would have been possible if he wasn't a strong manipulator.

He's a dangerous troll who knows how to get under people's skin and will make the most out of it. If there's drama going on, it's most likely to his mindgames and he's definitely deriving some kind of sick satisfaction from it. Kevala is not someone you'd want as an enemy, because it would already be too late to try to make ammends once you notice something strange in his behaviour. He's definitely out to get you.

The boy is a very good actor, hiding his true feelings and intentions like a real pro, but if you actually manage to see through his bullshit and tear down those walls he's built around himself, then congratulations! You're one of the very few people that he tolerates and you are now one of his protégés. He might be an asshole to everyone else, but he knows better than to go past the limit with his friends and quadrants. Kevala is actually a pleasant person to be around when he drops his act, but it would take a loooooong time for anyone to reah that point with him.

If he ever had to explain why he turned out like this, he would say that it's because he used to be brutally sincere when he was younger, which people didn't seem to like all that much, and he's never really had a strong connection with someone until he began to lie to their faces. Seeing the benefits of basically being a puppet master made him forget his own morals and he's never really considered going back to how he used to be.

Speaking about the past, he used to be very passionate about playing the drums and really good at it too! His favorite part was pushing the pedal of the bass drum, the shattering feeling rushing directly to his core, but he's stopped playing (apparently he's 'grown out of it'??) and he'll get very embarrassed if anyone mentions it now. He still has other hobbies, however, which include listening music (he has no specific taste), reading books and playing cards, his favorite game being poker because he's trained his poker face for years and it will be a cold day in hell when Kevala Nekure loses a poker game.

111. Additional information and info about Sburb

Kevala was the second player to enter the game at the pleas of the bronzeblood who just so happens to be his matesprit! It didn't take too long until he finally saw the appeal and decided to join, which is one of the few things that he doesn't regret doing. At the beginning he didn't take things too seriously and basically just continued with his old manipulation tricks (which was very dangerous because he's a Prince of Mind), but with the help of his quadrants he finally woke up to reality. This had quite the effect on him, however, because it made him feel guilty realising how malicious he was and he shot himself with one of his two guns. Fortunately (and completely coincidentally) he was sitting on his quest bed when he went through with it and that's how Kevala turned godtier, kids!

His medium is the Land of Towers and Mourning, which is basically just a very stupid metaphor for tall tombstones. Kevala needs to arrange them in a certain pattern so they can cast shadows on the whole planet, because the consorts kept turning into ashes due to the strong sunlight. This mission obviously recquires the logic skills he's been developing all these sweeps.

this is everything i had to say about this mess of a boy! hope y’all found him at least a little bit interesting and you’re now free to interact with him!

also writing this was a huge pain in the ass because i lost my draft when i almost finished writing his personality and had to do everything all over again (this says a lot about how emotionally invested i am in this whole thing) 

[quonit-aceattorney]

2.4 Reaction

Rules:

Q = Me, Quonit.

BF = Bardic Feline, the friend that made me spend 30 dollars on the game and whom I am messaging

I don’t use those when I send the messages close enough my username doesn’t appear.

Any typos (unless they are funny and part of the conversation) will be fixed.

x Notes x

This case is why i bought the game. I comment on it a lot more than the others so it is much longer.

Index

—

:moments after completing 2.3:

Q: I CAN PLAY FARWELL MY TURNABOUT NOW

Q: dammit you're probably asleep

what is this

who is me

nobody cut the moon in half that's silly

where is the murder

where is Juan

WHERE IS EDGY

Q: hi powers!

BF: hahaha no I'm awake

Q: yay!

I am very excited

hi pearl!!!

BF: and you've actually already seen Juan, he just hasn't been named as such

Q: ???

what???

well ill have to figure it out

BF: I'll give you a hint: he was one of the dude's on stage

BF: one of the competing hero guys

Q: interesting!

I'm not old I just have a different taste.

BF: hahah it's not hard the game is about to tell you anyway

Q: pearly why :(

alright!

BF: PEARL THE MERCILESS

Q: SHE IS!!!

AND I AM RAISING HER APPARENTLY!!!

bright red guitar... Juan!

BF: hahah WELL SOMEONE HAS TO, HER MOM IS IN JAIL AND HER DAD NOWHERE IN SIGHT

and yep

Q: :D wait no he's gonna die :(

BF: SADLY, YES

the ceremony was the closest you come to actually seeing him alive during the game! Not counting flashback shots.

Q: AND I WILL DRAW HIM NOT NOT HIS FORM THE LADYVERSE

Juan x Sha is weird Like Juan is a character that does nothing in a lawyer game that Zarla got attached to. Years later, due to an accidental pallet share of two jerks one form lawyer game and one from some weird zombie game, she decided to add Juan. THEN you were interested in him and Zarla drew him a bit more, THEN YOU ADOPTED THIS VERSION OF HIM. NEXT WE HAVE TO GO INTO THE HISTORY BEHIND SHA. This time he's an original character that you for some reason decided "Hey! I like this character, and I like the curedverse, he'd do good in there sense he already has one scar!" and because you were already attached to this weird Juan person, you decided to have them both know eachother. AND THEN YOU SHIPPED IT AND WROTE FANFICTION THIS SHIP IS WEIRD

i wonder if Powers and Gumshoe would get along

matt!!!

MATT

MATT

I FORGOT OTHERS ARE HERE TOO

Q: THERE WILL BE MATT, THAT ONE BROWN HAIRED GIRL, AND BLOND ANGIE

FRICK

BF: hahahaha THAT'S....LEAVING SOME DETAILS OUT BUT YES, IT IS A WEIRD SHIP WITH A WEIRD HISTORY

Q: With details it makes it weirder

BF: Actually, Sha's involvement is even weirder than all of that

Q: i wanna hear more! I've only done a little research on Sha so I don't know much... Fire mage OC. At one point you thought about why people default to male so you contemplated Sha's gender. That is all I know.

white scarf red guitar I like Juan :(

BF: Okay, so there's a DIFFERENT fic I did in the earlier days of Lady Fandom that's basically...they characters become aware they are characters in a story and end up in a place full of characters from OTHER stories who are ALSO aware of their own fictional nature (and it actually allows Hunter and Smoker to bond more in the end)

Q: and so matt killed him

I THINK I READ THAT. They went to some bar and it was Zarla's mind and there were all of her OC's (or adopted characters) and a DDR machine.

BF: During the course of the night, Smoker has a conversation with a handful of my OCs, one of who happens to be Sha and they strike up an odd friendship. and yes, DDR

Q: :O I need to read that again.

Also Matt sucks

BF: ANYWAY, one of the rules of the metaworld is that characters in it can pop in an out of other universes, but a lot of times visiting another place means getting forced into its narratives and being forced to conform to its rules.

Q: I wonder what your metaworld looks like... 

 I wanted to like him (Matt) at least a little bit but then I thought back to the few comics I saw and he sucks Zarla made an AU where they date and it's terrible for Juan and now I hate it more >:(

BF: So if you have magic in your own universe and go visit a place that doesn't have it, you know longer have magic while you are THERE

Q: huh!

BF: Awwwww

POISONED THE MATT WELL EARLY

Q: IM GOING TO TRY AND LIKE HIM

BF: this is going to be interesting

Q: and that is why i decided to show my reaction

time to flash my badge at everyone before i go to the hallway

alright now to the hallway

BF: ANYWAY, so I started (but never got far into) a scenario where Sha and his friends decide to pop in on Hunter and Smoker just to see what their world is actually LIKE for some reason and they basically get sucked into the zombie apocalypse and all three end up infected

Q: very interesting

do you have drafts for that fanfic still haha

BF: here’s where it gets weird. in that little scenario, I imagine them getting out or getting rescued or something and being majorly shaken up by the experience...

Q: huh... I would read this!

I wanna continue but I know if I do time will move and Juan will die

Dangit

i have no choice now

BF: but then I went on to do a thing (only the first part) where a team of Assholes (Griffin, Sparkles, Mousey and...because I needed to fill out the team and he was available...I wasn't that interested in him yet...Juan) find zombie Sha where he'd holed up

Q: ORIGINAL PLANS

BF: (basically one of his teammates locked him in a room when he felt himself starting to turn as a last ditch attempt to protect him. it...failed.)

Q: Game stuff: Dangit the ceremony is starting and Juan is gonna get killed

Q: POOR JUAN

Q: POOR JUAN SERIOUSLY I MISS HIM ALREADY

BF: So TEAM ASSHOLE finds Witch Sha and through sheer luck they manage to capture him alive instead of killing him or being killed

Q: THANKFULLY AFTER THIS IS OVER I CAN HOPEFULLY READ ABOUT AN AU WHERE HE LIVES

THAT ISN'T FULL OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE

RIGHT???

RIGHT????

I think I remember something about that... not sure where I read it but I remember that!

BF: and they decide to put him on a leash and take him with them because Male Witch, that's weird, maybe some medical examiner will be interested in this or something right

BF: I didn't write past them leashing him up and taking him away BUT fast forward and Zarla started the Cured AU

Q: I remember them arguing about it or something... but I remember thinking this:

"Juan meet your new boyfriend"

I don't remember seeing past that in the fan fic. Where the heck did i see it?

BF: And I basically ALREADY had Sha lined up as a witch at that point, so it was easy enough to just jump forward to him being a Cured.

Q: ...I should go to the hotel lobby…

...BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!

interesting!

BF: hahaha.

Q: help me go to the hotel lobby

...BUT I DON'T WANT TO!!!

interesting!

BF: hahaha.

Q: help me go to the hotel lobby

BF: DID YOU EXAMINE EVERYTHING IN THE HALLWAY WHILE YOU COULD

Q: i can't press A I feel too bad

BF: YOU HAVE TO PROGRESS

Q: NO I DIDN'T ILL GO DO IT NOW

BF: YOU MUST

Q: NO I MUST EXAMINE EVERYTHING IN THE HALLWAY

BF: Hehehe

all the flowers in front of Juan's door

Q: dangit I already have everything in here

ya... It's like they know his funeral is coming

Q: the Japanese text, going by Google translation of it, suggested that some of the flowers were from SIBLINGS of his

Q: NO

SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE HIM

I CAN'T KILL HIM

D:

BF: the English translation just says Family, but the Japanese suggested he has siblings we never get to meet

I LIKED TO IMAGINE HIM WITH A BUNCH OF SISTERS

Q: I THOUGHT I WANTED TO PLAY THIS BUT I DON'T

I DON'T WANNA KILL JUAN

BF: YOU MUST IF YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT EVERYONE

Q: ...I guess i have too...

Q: but-but I like Juan mroe than everyone else!!!

BF: it's an interesting plot!

Q: alright imma go

im going

Q: dammit

I PRESSED A I AM SCARED

BF: You can do iiiiit

Q: Juan please

please don't make me feel too guilty...

SHIT HE'S ALREADY DEAD???

BF: hahah that said, when you get through, the closest thing we have to happy Juan stuff right now is some stuff I did for Alt 2-4 future settings

and the Frozen AU.

Q: I wanna read those instead :(

BF: Juan is comparatively better off in the Frozen AU.

Q: Juan is dead...

he is dead :(

BF: Now if you want one that will TEAR YOUR HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT, read Somebody That I Used to Know

Q: D:

BF: but only after this case hahah

it's like a perspective change on the events of this case.

Q: Soon i will unlock what I bought this game for

and i don't even know if I want to

oldbag what are you doing here

BF: YOU MUST. YOU HAVE TO

being awesome!

Q: FINE

hahaaha

BF: She's a Juan fan, that'makes her great

Q: oh okay i like her now

hey um what happened to Juan can I like break in and yell at Matt even though im still not 100% sure he did it

I mean he's terrible from what I've seen and heard from both stupid comics and this game so

PLEAD THE FIFTH

OH I FORGOT ABOUT EDGY

DO I GET TO SEE HIM

whatever i wanna punch matt

Q: phoenix you're a lawyer sense when have the questionings ever been useful to you? Fuck the police! Let's go find Matt and punch him!

BF: EDGEWORTH WILL APPEAR

Q: YES

Q: THE NAMETAG SAID BELLBOY AND I THOUGHT THE OTHER ONE RETURNED

but... who would call her?

WHO IS SPEAKING IN CAPS

LOTTA HI

HI GUMMY

BF: hahahaaha yep she's back!

Q: I like these two

BF: and you can't have a case without Gumshoe!

Q: no you can't!!!

He feels distant this second game... THIS WILL CHANGE SOON

WELL YA HE'S MATT

LET'S TALK ABOUT JUAN

what is that picture

what

BF: Fun fact: in the stage play version of this case (which, sadly, did not get an official translation anywhere because it actually gives Juan some lines and it makes him into the MOST ADORABLE DORK YOU HAVE EVER SEEN), and the anime version of this case both give Lotta's role to LARRY

Q: Do you recommend the anime???

MATT SUCKS

THAT PICTURE MAKES HIM LOOK NOT AS EVIL AS HE IS

BF: It has it's good points and it's bad.

Q: alright, I was wondering if at one point I should try watching some of it

BF: the art can be wonky as hell at points, and it feels oddly fast paced because it tries to cram all of the first and second games into one 24 episode season

Q: ??? why would they make it 24 minuets!! That was a bad choice.

BF: 1-5 and 2-1 don't get adapted at ALL (which kind of make sense but)

24 EPISODES

Q: WHAT

this is a weird anime

they should try again but better

BF: HOWEVER they add a whole flashback episode between 1-4 and 2-2 showing Edgey, Pheonix, and Larry as little kids

Q: :O I WANNA WATCH IT

Q: they ramp up the subtext between Phoenix and Edgeworth quite a bit

and they make the silly court dramatics even more over the top

Q: I might enjoy that..

yessss

maybe at one point I'll look at it, it sounds like something I may find funny.

BF: and they did a lot to reduce the parts of 2-3 that people didn't like.  (they cut out nearly all of the stuff with people chasing Regina for instance)

Q: Dangit the episodes should've been longer

BF: and they put more emphasis on how the whole circus gang ultimately comes together in the end in spite of their differences.

Q: dangit. Well hopefully it's nice enough.../

BF: More emphasis on Regina realizing that she'd done something wrong and hurt someone, even if it had been an accident

and it kept the fun parts, like Phoenix having to fight a monkey to get his badge back hahah

Q: Gumshoe we're not rivals we're friends

right?

BF: heheh oh Gumshoe

Q: The anime does sound like something I'd enjoy, I'll check it out at some point

BF: SO ULTIMATELY I LIKED THE ANIME BUT IT HAD IT'S ISSUES AND IT WAS WEIRDLY PACED

Q: ALRIGHT

I should record my live reaction to that too haha

BF: on the other hand, it confirmed, after all of these years, the color of Juan's jacket

Q: It's still probably wishful thinking but I still think that one of them saw maybe a snippet of one of Zarla's comics and maybe even just subconsciously used that to make the decision that it was the exact same shade of blue.

WHATEVER

Q: aww man gumshoe do you need some money to buy some fruit maybe

Q: How do I progress I'm stuck with gumshoe, talked about him with everything, and showed him everything

nowhere else has updated

KIWI

Q: Dangit i wanna progress

Q: oh hey a conversation topic i missed

MATT WAS ARRESTED FOR EXISTING OF COURSE

BF: hahaha of course.

Q:

BF: hahaaahaha

Q: I DON'T WANNA DEFEND MATT

DANGIT HOW TO I PROGRESS

hey the lobby updated!

I'll defend Matt if there is somebody worse like a serial killer around

Q: why is the radio person >:(

who

crap mything is beeping

ya im here... what do you want from me...

WHO KILLED MAYA

Q: OH MY GOD THERE IS A SERIAL KILLER HERE

HAHAHAHA

BF: MAYA ISN'T DEAD hahahah

Q: OH MY GOD

i know but

THERE IS A SERIAL KILLER HAAHAHAHA

BF: also this game seriously misuses the term 'serial killer"

lololol no this guy is an ASSASSIN, there's a difference. XD

Q: OH MY GOD

WHAT THE HECK

Q: I SAID I WOULD ONLY DEFEND MATT IF THERE WAS SOMEBODY LIKE A SERIAL KILLER AROUND

OH MY GOD HAHAHAHA

WELL MATT YOU'RE WITH ME NOW

BF: (I say it misuses the term cause they kept calling Joe Dark in 1-5 a serial killer...but he was more like a spree killer. If you use a really liberal definition of THAT word.)

YOU GOTTA SAVE MAYA

Poor Phoenix

Q: (True, i was misusing it)

NO I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT THE PERSON WOULD APPEAR I JUST SAID IF THERE WAS A MURDERER AROUND THAT WASN'T HIM I WOULD DEFEND HIM AND THERE IS AND IT'S SO FUNNY

but ya... Pheonix is having a bad time...

Q: i think this is just so funny

HOW DID I GUESS

de killer isn't a name it's a title.

Q: PHOENIX I HAD A DEAL THAT IS ANOTHER KILLER WAS AROUND I WOULD PROVE MATT INNOCENT, AND BY SOME UNSPEAKABLE CHANCE THERE WAS SOMEBODY. MATT IS INNOCENT.

hey we're not at the perspective is Phoenix

this is weird

oh so the bulter is the person who did it

BF: hahaha IT'S ALWAYS THE BUTLER ISN'T IT

Well, nothing else for it, you gotta defend Matt!

Q: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT JOKE

I am still shocked

BF: hahaha isn't this case great already?

Q: IT IS

BF: it gets you from the very start!

Q: Juan is dead :(

it does i love it

BF: POOR JUAN

Q: poor Juan indeed... but ZARLA ADOPTED HIM SO EVERYTHING IS OKAY

Q: SOMETIMES

oh my god

MATT WHAT THE HELL

Well uh hi I'm Phoenix and for some reason you look a bit too innocent.

nope I don't like him

Q: you know what I'll like him

for somebody's sake I'm not sure who's but it isn't Maya's

Q: matt probably can think and if he can he thinks evil thoughts

Q: baby powder that's it

I was trying to figure out what he reminded me of

Q:

Me: :shows picture of Juan: Matt: Man, too bad he's dead TOO BAD GEEZ WELL I GUESS THAT'S TOO BAD THAT HE DIED WELL I GUESS IM FIND NOW HOOPDEEDOO

Q:

Matt: So apparently that warrant does exist after all Phoenix: Ladies and gentlemen I think we may be making some progress here! Phoenix is my favorite character not only because I'm allowed to project myself onto him but because half of the time I don't need to

Q: 

Matt: Don't let some disemboweled voice boss you around Yes tell me more about this because you believe so strongly I shouldn’t

I can't believe this is the same matt

nooo don't gooo

I don't know if I hate the matt I saw from the comics or this matt more eh they'll collide eventually I know it

Q: Mr. Juan

dangit

Q: crap ya you're right you're both 21

Q: :D

YA THE MAGIC ROCK

:O

he is innocent! INTERESTING

BF: THE PLOT THICKENS

Q: BUT

BF: hahaha I love the line about disembodied voices

coming from the guy who's constantly calling someone or another for advice

Q: UH HUH PLEASE TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'T LISTEN SENSE YOU THINK SO STRONGLY NOT TO

Q: wait frick I am projecting onto phoenix

oh well :/

oh ya i forgot about save points

Q: FINALLY WE TELL PEARL THAT WE AREN'T DATING

BF: hahaaha

I DO LIKE HOW SARCASTIC NICK CAN BE

Q:

Pearl: nick! stop it! don't hide your feelings from me!

Fine Pearl I’m gay

(sorry crackship I think it's fun)

yaaay that should continue MORE SARCASTIC NICK

too the hotel!! I remember this date it wasn't even that long ago...

SHE IS FAN OF JUAN IM ON HER SIDE NOW

Q: Phoenix Juan is good!!!

Q: It's an hour past when I should sleep but I have no reason to today

but should I stay up

Q: wow 4 locks a new record

Q: Lotta help me!!!

why i thought you liked me lotta

finally a pun with Lotta's name. I was waiting for that.

Q: Oh come on Lotta!!! Everybody please stop lying to me!!! Why is Matt the best one here???

HEY I CAN GO INTO THE HOTEL ROOMS NOW

I need to sleep...

but I wanna snoop though people's stuff...

flipping a coin one moment

BF: hahahaaha

Q: heads is play tails is sleep

where is a coin

BF: THE ROOMS WILL STILL BE THERE IN THE MORNING

Q: BUT- BUT I WANNA PLAY NOW MOOOOM

I hid my wallet somewhere and I can't find it

BF: uh oh

Q: this is bad

BF: where do you remember last having it?

Q: I remember hiding it somewhere in the desk

Q: but this is a big denk

BF: hmmm

but it's got to be in their S

OMEWHERE

Q: Somebody might've stolen it though

they're in this house but dammit

BF: So you can start by checking the most obvious drawers and stuff, like the ones you'd open first without even thinking

Also you can go through and straighten stuff up

Q: cleaning gets you to find stuff

BF: exactly!

Q: I really wanted to find my wallet but I found a penny so I flipped it and it said tails and I am upset.

BF: awwwww

Q: Case is interesting, I'm sad he died, I think Matt is fake and he actually is evil, Maya is fine, Peal needs better parents, Lotta finally gets a name pun, Gumshoe is suspicious and I DON'T WANNA FIGHT EDGY IN COURT BECAUSE IF i WIN THEN HE'LL HATE ME FOREVER BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE'LL BE THE PROSECUTION ER BUT HE PROBABLY IS AND I'M SCARED I JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS

Q: I'll drop the game but I'm talking to you till I can get the other stuff I need done done.

Q: The anime sounds like something I'd probably like. Sure flaws and weird poses but I make fun of the poses and all of the other stuff sounds great

My biggest problem sounds like the timing... but I can probably live with that if I find it funny enough

Q: i didnt say much cool now I can sleep. Also hope house is good. This case's summery is "The plot thickens."

BF: haha okay

Q: Yesterday I thought "okay even if Matt didn't kill Juan this guy doesn't feel like the person who would constantly argue with him"

Oh hey I can go to the detention center again

Matt for you I will let just sign and ask what you we

Q: You want. I don't like you but I'm game I don't have a reason to hate you get

YET

Q: Well I don't have anything else to say to him so whatever. More looking.

Q: Oh ya I can look in the rooms!!!

BF: yessss

Go snoop in the roooms do it

Q: Look at all of the bears... His family must be liked him a lot :(

Hi gumshoe. I'm mad at you right now.

BF: Family, fans...

Q: Poor phoenix... Thanks gumshoe for asking

Q: I wanna give him a teddy bear!

Thank you gumshoe!!!!!

Pearl gotta map!

Don't worry pearl I'll read it for you

Dead Juan picture :( I want a picture of alive Juan

Q: I feel really bad for this juan... I hope one of the characters does too

Matt was set up, as much as I hate to admit it

Q: ya well if Franz tried to hurt you gumshoe I will kill her... But sadly I can't

Q:

Gumshoe: listen here pearl. Never pick up a whip, OK? Don't even think about it

Best advice in the game

Q: Awww well what kind of stuffed animal should I given Juan if he doesn't actually like teddy bears?

BF: lol, honestly, given how many he has and how cluttered his room is right then, i'm willing to believe that teddy tumbled into the waste basket by mistake

how many he HAS bleh

Q: I thought that may be the case too

Crap Franz is here

Well gumshoe I think I found all I need to and I really don't want you to be caught by Franz

Q: I still have Matt's room to search but now I am scared Franz is a there

Q: IT'S BLOND ANGIE

BF: Hai Adrian

Q: Well ANGIE is brown haired Adrian because ANGIE came second

"Why do you call Adrian blond angie" because that is what I first thought when I saw a drawing of her

Haha I like Adrian

Q: HEY stop right there Adrian pearl wanted to come!

Phasing for lunch

Q: YES Pearl watch Juan's show instead

Q: aww

Q: 

Phoenix: Yeah, I would love to go back in time and relieve a few of the good things... *chuckle* I'm sorry Phoenix what do you mean by that

hey looks like Will knows Adrian!

Pearl you should help this love story you like those right

Q: Matt can you tell me something about your manager

no? How dare you.

Q: hi gumshoe i haven't talked again with you for a but so

So apparently Adrian is really popular No wonder Zarla decided to make her love interest a woman

Q: Going in Juan's room just makes me sad... look at all of the bears... :(

BF: Oh that’s not the only reason she’s almost exclusively shipped with ladies

By the majority of the fandom haha

Q: Interesting, I hope I'll be able to find it when it appears

Q: yess i found a new conversation topic, and it's on Adrian!

Q: I don't think they're dating because Juan is dead

Hey Adrien so they're saying you were dating Juan but he's dead so

pfft no responce okay

HEY LOTTA

HEY GUMSHOE

I bet Juan named all of the bears tbh

wonder if matt will say anything to it

hey he will!

alright well that was fun time to go and figure out what else to do

Q: don't think i can get any of the locks yet but i could try :/ i'll fail though

Q: wait I think the Adrian gossip could have something to do with it!!!

she did say she wanted to do something with taking photos of celebrities

I broke a lock!!! I wonder if I can get the other!

all I have is a newspaper clipping :/ I don't think i have enough info yet but at least I saved before!

hey I did it!!!

:D

Q: now that I did something a room might've updated

Q: I know matt's hiding something and I'm mad

i know I can't but I wonder if I can break any other locks

Q: nope alright Phoenix let's go

Q: dangit im stuck

Q: might as well mourn for Juan while I am

AH

FRICK I EXAMINED SOMETHING AND FRANZ IS COMING

RUN PEARL RUN

WE'RE LEAVING NOW

CRAP

GUYS NO

YOU SHOULD'VE RAN

NOOOOO

I'LL CALL THE COPS ON YOUR FOR HURTING US WITH THE WHIP

YOU'RE DAD IS SHIT AND YOU'RE LAST NAME SOUNDS DUMB

D:

I will treasure this autograph forever ...but I think I'm supposed to use this to get oldbag to talk... :( I don't wanna give it up though

Oldbag's name is Wendy! Dammit! I have no choice >:(

Q:HAVE YOU'RE DAMN AUTOGRAPH FROM JUAN BACK. BUT ONLY IN EXCHANGE FOR INFO

THEY'RE ALL GONE IN AN INSTANT :D

YESSSS

goodbye atougraph

Q: oh one more

nvm

Q: I knew matt was evil!

BF: hahaha

Q: BUT HE IS

MATT I HOPE I CAN STILL GO VISIT YOU SO I CAN KEEP STARING AT YOU ANGRILY

STOP SMILING IM MAD AT YOU

there isn't anything here anyways may just talk to the more likable characters

Q: well i can visit the police station...

I feel really bad for gumshoe :(

Q: hi gummy im really sorry about Franz do you mind if i go to punch her in the face?

BF: I think Matt is hilarious, personally

and poor Gumshoe!

Q: he's gonna pull a knife on me i know it

Franz you cant win please stop torturing my friend

again Matt was set up

BF: oh definitely

Q: Maybe somebody dressed as him or something I dunno that's happened before

HEY

WAS THAT WOMAN BY ANY CHANCE JUAN'S WIFE

Q: no? WELL IT'S THE BROWN HAIRED GIRL HEY I KNOW HER

WHY DOES SHE ALSO HAVE TO BE DEAD

YA I WANNA LEARN MORE ABOUT HER

oh go away Franz

FRANZ NO

WHO SAID THAT

EDGY

OH MY GOD

EDGY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH

EDGY YOU'RE BACK!!!

:D

Q: HE'S DOWNTALKING FRANZ THIS IS THE BEST

EDGY!!!

:D

AND HE ISN'T MAD AT ME!!!

Q: PHOENIX YOU WERE ANGRY ABOUT HIM BECAUSE YOU WERE SAD ABOUT HIM AND HE SAID THAT YOU'RE HATRED IS ONE SIDED AND HE'S BEING NICE PHOENIX THIS IS THE BEST

:DDDD

PHOENIX STOP BEING MEAN >:(

BF: To be fair, he is under a ton of stress right now haha

Q: ya. Poor Phoenix, angry and try

Q: D: Nooo Adrian tried suicide

BF: yep. and this, by the way, ties directly into why she's pretty much universally viewed as a lesbian

Q: alright so that is why the fandom thinks she is a lesbian and why zarla ships her with that person

ALRIGHT

BF: SHE WAS VERY VERY VERY DEVOTED TO CELESTE

Q: noooo Adrian

BF: Zarla also ships her with Franziska, which is hands down the most popular ship for either of them hahah

but yeah...POOR ADRIAN

Q: what hahahaha alright I can see that as a funny ship

Q: EVERYBODY IS SO DEPRESSED IN THIS GAME

BF: and while it's partially his fault, POOR JUAN. I mean yeah he screwed up, he screwed up BAD.

but he was 19 years old and he was the one to FIND THE BODY

Q: DANGIT WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD

BF: IT GETS EVEN MORE MESSED UP. you'll seeeee

Q: "POOR PHOENIX", "POOR GUMSHOE", "POOR ADRIAN", "POOR JUAN", POOR EVERYBODY

yaaay i can't wait this case is very interesting

dang I wonder where to go next

I should probably go to adrian

Q: OH PLEASE DON'T TALK TO FRANZ PLEASE BE ON MY SIDE PLEASE I WANNA GIVE YOU A HUG

so they interacted this gives a little more of a reason to ship it

>:( EVIL DON'T PUT THAT THING IN GUMMY

Q: pffft shipping those two alright

i'll try to talk to her before presenting that I know about her attempted suiside

nvm

wonder if i can unlock the thing

BF: I THINK you should have enough to do it...I think. have you talked to Will?

and Lotta?

I know you've talked to Oldbag

Q: I have talked to will

though not recently i probably should

nah ill try to unlock it

BF: just check to make sure you have everything from him

OKAY

Q: fine

BF: I think you should be good

Q: OKAY

YAY

Q: didn't start it yet I'll go ask will

ya i already have averything from him

WHATEVER HEY ADRIAN

Q: frick im stuck hmm

BF: hahaha One detail I love is that there was a vague implication I picked up from Will that he and Juan were on good terms with each other

Q: huh!

Q: ADRIAN I FEEL BAD FOR YOU I WANNA GIVE YOU A HUG BUT I NEED TO COMPLETE THE LOCK THING FIRST

Q: i wiiiin

I like her though I don't wanna say she is the killer

oh ya pearl was listening to all of that

no wonderPhoenix brings her to fun places all of the time!!!

No Miss I wanna give you a hug I think you are great

Q: and I don't wanna be the reason you die!!!

goodbye adrian...

hey the hallway reset!

Q: HI ASSASSIN WHAT DO YOU WANT

BF: TO SAY SOMETHING OMINOUS.

Q: YES

I'm writing that down

Q: oh so the card is the assassin's card okay

Dammit Adrian!

Q: oh boy I escaped

hahaha oh my god i feel so bad for phoenix already

save point!

Q: Hi matt...

I'm sorry about being mad at you i don't think you did it anymore... well, I didn't really in the first place. I felt like you were resposible though, and even if you weren't, you're terrible anyways If you do anything though I will revert back to my pervious opinion for not have a pat on the head

Phoenix uh the assasin is calling you

Q: pfft hahahaha

I THINK THE ASSASIN IS FRAMING MATT

wait where is the prosicution

WHAT

SOMEBODY SHOT FRANZ

I AM ANGRY AND I AM SHOCKED

WHY AM I ANGRY SOMEBODY SHOT HER

ASSASSIN WHAT THE HELL

hiiii eeedggyyyyyyy before you ask i didn't do it

:D

Q: GUMSHOE YOU'RE FREE NOW

OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WHIP WE'RE FREE FREEEEE

:D

edgy is great'

hey the guitar case had something to do with it

I don't know what yet but it has

With Franz gone i feel like a weight i had no idea was there has been lifted Assassin, you get a pass at the moment.

Q: ya no if anybody in this entire game is gay with the game full on actually agreeing and making a few jokes out of it it's Adrian

Q: i think that something is wrong and that it's the assassin's fault

why does matt have hair over half of his face anyways he looks suspicious

Q: IM FINDING EVERY REASON TO HATE HIM BUT FOR NOW HE IS FINE I GUESS

Q: Still bothered that the matt im talking too doesn't seem like somebody who would fight with everyone

Q: Ya Phoenix that's what matt told you, that he didn't see Juan as a rival

like i beleive him

Q: oh ya i forgot to say what i was doing

Q: "Alright so I've learnt this a few times"

"When you don't know something about the evidence ask that peice of evidence" it works very well for some reason

Q: dang then I better save before the evidence tab pops up!

Q: Wait Juan was killed by... wait gumshoe said something about the scarf on his neck. It has to do with that.. was there blood on the scarf? Was there any blood on it? Why was another knife stuck in his chest later? Was that knife this knife?

what the hell is up with the wineglass of tomato juice?

Q: Why would Adrian drink tomato juice out of a wineglass if Juan is the one who loves the color red

Q: >:( Then why didn't you wonder if Adrian was the killer!

Q: dangit why oldbag

oh my god she kept the nickname edgey-boy

EDGY REALLY DOESN'T LIKE HER IT SEEMS HAHA

I am reminded of that picture I drew

Q: all you two have in common is the appearance for the most part and the same first name (well ladyverse Juan is Rivera which is Ace Attorney Juan's last name in a different translation I'm pretty sure so also kinda last name but it's not like they'd know that) as well as a red guitar and an interest in music... and a friend that looks like Angie/Adrian and like 6 other things but it's a coincidence

DOODLES

BF: hhahahahaah JUST LET IT GO MR. JUAN

Q: I feel smart

Probably just me being scared for life by Franz "I'm suspicious about Matt's face" "BUT THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS ME TO THINK IT MUST BE HIS CLOTHES"

Q: oldbag stay behind the thing what happened

Q: ya but didn't Matt not know about that show afterwards

Q: wait but he didn't stab juan

what

ASK THE KNIFE

HEY IT WORKED

Q: ya but it doesn't make sense

why would he bring the knife if he didn't wanna kill him???

Q: To frame Matt!!!

Matt the rope is getting thicker but don't get your hopes up

Q: the autograph? Juan? Adrian???

Adrian!

Q: Ya but it'd seem reasonable is Adrian started talking with Juan after the brown haired girl (I forgot her name I'll call her R for now) died because he knew her. Then gossip spread.

This case is probably darker than that

...but i can't talk about her attempted suicide... Adrian :<

Q: ...Lotta knows!

I could probably do something with that... I really wanna help Adrian

Q: I knew oldbag stole the camera >:(

Q: um

sorry oldbag but i really wanna find Lotta's camera. Lotta visits me more and... she's just been the better friend. I hope you understand, right?

I knew it >:D

Q: ...who's room is the guy dressed at nickle samurai coming out of?

When did Matt say that???

Q: ...hmmm...

wait there is something wrong with it how dare the text block it

Q: And sadly, Adrian is small

why are we calling her the killer!!! D:

Q: 

Mia: He's just letting the trial run itself -- as if he's only along for the ride that's because he is

Phoenix he wants to see you succeed and to prove a point! Phoenix needs a hug

it's adrian... :(

Q: ...She did though...

...I'm sorry Adrian...

Don't worry Maya escaped Phoenix dangit

I wanna say wait im sorry Phoenix...

...dangit...

you know nobodyw ould care anyways if he did raise an objection

Edgy objected for me?? But you know nothing about her kidnapping!

Q: Phoenix is having a tough time I'm happy that Edgy is being nice to him

save point!

Q: Adrian I am sorry

Q: It won't be alright phoenix Adrian...

What if she dies??? D:

Q: how did the judge get his job

Q: but i don't wanna attack herrrr

"What if you think Angie is two people how come you never considered Adrian" They don't have the same glasses

Q: Adrian what about the guitar

did you think anything of that

Adrian im talking to talk to you in code

but what about the guitar

Q: i wanna know what happened to it

Q: ya but if you didn't wanna drink it then why did you get it in the first place

If you were shocked then how did you set it down before it existed

Q: Adrian please don't be upset

hey something about the guitar! What the heck happened to it!

hey I can talk about the guitar case!

Q: i wanna know what happened to the guitar!

ya but WHY was it empty?

why did you open it though? I know you don't know but why

Q: ...wait didn't somebody say earlier only Juan's figerprints were on it?

Dammit I really don't wanna keep saying you're lying Adrian

then if you were wearing gloves

then it'd prove you were the person in the picture!

Q: wait you weren't wearing gloves

SO EITHER you were the person in the picture, or you didn't have gloves and that wineglass was yours and you did tip over the vase!

Q: what else could be in the guitar?

case

Q: what if Juan opened it

probably not but somebody did stab him "after he was dead"

BF: hahah what could have been inside the guitar case? Well, we know it wasn't the GUITAR

Q: ahhh i don't knooowwwww and I can't save either

i pressed the wrong thing!

wait what

it's working???

Q: what is it a photo of???

what???

HUH WHAT OKAY

Q: what is it a photo of?

Q: It's of the pic off steel samurai show and Phoenix is saying the costume is in there and I am very shocked because I don't know what happened

ya but if she was wearing it while leaving then why was her in the costume shown going there

BF: hahaha well...okay I'm going to assume you have the photo of SOMEONE leaving Juan's room wearing Matt's costume Q: ya and i don;t like the idea of it being my frien BF: and that I'm not sure of. there's more than one problem with this case's timeline that I've seen because I've overanalyzed it to death BF: But right now you are going with the logic that it is HER in the costume leaving the room Q: huh! So there is a continuity error??? it being a spare would make sense... BF: mostly in the thing you just said...how did someone not notice her going into his room without the costume and leave wearing it Q: ah. Dangit i trusted this case BF: but that doesn't matter for the sake of your argument...the thing you need to prove is that it was HER in that cotume, and not Matt. Q: dangit but I like her more than matt! BF: Do it for Maya!

Q: but she's already escaped!

BF: she's not as free as you seem to think she is

Q: ya i know but

That looked like a basement so she must be in the same house i bet

BF: she's still locked in, that's all

Q: ah.

BF: OKAY but Adrian...and yes, the game is very much playing with your feelings...the key thing you need to keep in mind is that Adrian is TINY

Q: ALRIGHT

BF: she's like...5 foot four inches to Matt's almost 6 feet

Q: Wonder if there are canon heights posed for everybody somewhere

BF: if you keep THAT in mind...her HEIGHT...you should be able to spot the thing in the photo that proves it can't possibly be Matt in the costume

BF: and you can check it against the Nickle Samurai poster to see the contradiction

Q: Well I said earlier that the pants seemed much too long so it must be somebody small (Adrian)

BF: ding ding ding! you got it!

Q: yaaaay

Q: D: I feel bad for Juan

BF: and yeah, there actually are official heights for nearly everyone.  The Fan wiki for the game has everyone's heights (everyone who was given one) on their respective character pages

and I know right? :<

So that's how we know for sure that Matt was two inches taller than Juan. XD

Q: he should've won dammit then none of this would've happened

hey is that what happens in one of the AUs where he lives? that'd probably be a spoiler to the case.

pfft that's why Juan's hair is more poofy

BF: hee hee

Ummm...actually, no, I haven't done an AU where Juan wins the Grand Prix, and neither has anyone else, as far as I'm aware.

Q: oh well

BF: But weirdly enough, if Juan has won, that MIGHT have spared him. But I can't say why

Q: alright!

BF: In any case, I'm convinced the whole contest was rigged in Matt's favor, but that's just speculation.

Q: WELL YA

I hope soon i'll understand why Matt is evil

Q: yes but you see JUAN WAS KILLED BY THE SCARF not the knife!!! Why does everybody forget this!!!

BF: hahha poor Adrian just floundering at that point and going but...but the evidence that it was Matt...

Q: but... but Adrian the evidence that it WASN'T matt

BF: (I know you're having to be awful to Adrian, but keep playing...things are FAR from over.)

Q: (alright! I hope that she doesn't die!)

Q: To frame Matt@

M@ is apparently a thing now

BF: HAH

WHY NOT IT'S FUNNY

Q: it's not Adrian though!!!

I HAVE NO CHOICE AT THIS POINT

dangit

Q:

Phoenix: MISS ADRIAN ANDREWS, I CHOOSE YOU

haha

quonit

I AM SORRY ADRIAN

SHE'S GONNA START CRYING STOP IT

Q: Dammit Franz you're still hurting me

Edgy I know she didn't do it right now i just wanna prove Matt didn't do it

Q: I always felt like pleading the fifth was like admitting to something. Good job Adrian for making it ambiguous.

but mayaaaa

Edgy you DON'T UNDERSTAND

thank you edgyyyy

Q: Mia he's a good objection buddy that is what he is

Q: just let matt be not guilty but also let me defend her later

Q: that's because she didn't the killer!

Q: also does the lock thing not work in court

Q: alright i can see why Zarla and other people ship it

Mastermind is the person who kidnapped Maya god dammit

BF: You are FAR from done with this trial. >:3

Q: yaaaay

i need to sleep soon though

BF: hahah okaaaay

I am up too late myself hahah

:Next day:

Q: back to this question WELL requesting not guilty would make Adrian wanna testify so that she isn't founded of murder, but if i just made her testify she would give me one anyways.

Q: i flipped a coin and it chose to do the not guilty one so

IM SORRY ADRIAN BUT

EDGY NO SHE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS I SHOULD GO BACK AND CHOSE THE OTHER OPTION I FEEL TO GUILTY

i actually stopped the game i was too upset oh my god

now for the other option

this is so much better already

the coin hates me

nvm it's going the same

Q: I WILL HELP YOU ADRIAN I AM SORRY EDGY IS BEING LIKE THIS BUT YOU KNOW I KINDA HAVE TO DO THIS RIGHT NOW I'LL GET YOU A BOX OF COOKIES LATER

Q: alright thank you adrian

Q: but why were there no fingerprints on the case still???

Q: ugh whatever

Q: i wanna know Matt's weaknesses pleaaaseee

Q: well it's good Franz was shot

oh well too bad phoenix

EMPTY SEAT WHAT

poor phoenix D:

Q: Juan what did you do why do you have the assassin's card

WAIT EDGY DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS IT

save point!

Pearl with all of the talk of suicide and things like that please don't say stuff like that it’s really unsettling

HI GUMSHOE!!! Franz is gone :D You can be happy again!!!

ya work for me! Why not :D

Q:

Pearl: Even that woman prosecutor was better than that!

Pearl, let me introduce you to a man named Manfred Von Karma, also knows an Vampire the first.

Q:

Gumshoe: She almost looked like she was being tortured to death not being able to go to that trial today!

GOOD.

WHY THAT HOTTI CLINIC IT IT BECAUSE THEY ALREADY HAD DRAWINGS FOR IT

Q: I am a lot more upset than I thought I would be when I learnt she was shot so I guess i have a heart and should go visit her. Also i think she wouldn't be allowed to bring a whip to a hospital so

hey edgeworth are you here to say hi too

ha i still don't like this guy

Q: heeeey fraaanzzz imma make fun of you for being shot by my assassin friend

Q:

Franz: :whipps ''hottie'': HE DESERVED THAT THOUGH I AM WITH FRANZ ON THIS ONE

Q: What do you mean that kinda thing happens all of the time??? Do you regularly get shot???

I just realized she was shot in the right shoulder just like her dad haha

YES FRANZ WE KNOW YOU TOLD ADRIAN TO PLEAD THE FIFTH

Q: Franz thinks she has to one up me all of the time but really she can stop

Q: SHE'S SUICIDAL DAMMIT FRANZ YOU'RE TERRIBLE

I'm sorry i was mean to your honorary sister but she really is terrible

Q: Hey edgy do you think maybe shelly kidnapped Maya because uh

Q: SO THAT MEANS THE ASSASSIN KILLED JUAN I knew it but I still hate Matt

yaaay we can talk about maya to him

Phoenix: Stop trying to console me Edgeworth! I don't need your pity!

I feel really bad for Phoenix.. so much stress…

I KNEW IT

Q: MATT IS EVIL

WE CAN ASK HIM IF HE HIRED THE ASSASSIN

MATT HIRED THE ASSASSIN TO KILL JUAN BECAUSE JUAN WAS GOING TO REVEAL SOMETHING AND THEN ADRIAN MADE IT LOOK LIKE MATT DID IT AND NOW PEOPLE CAN FIGURE OUT THAT SHELLY DID IT

MATT YOU SUCK

Q: I really, really feel bad for Phoenix... all of this stress and then shock of edgeworth and then just being like "No i need to do my job" and he's mad at edgeworth because he needs to be mad at somebody because of the stress and

Q: hey! What does the assassin have to do with the brown haired girl!

most inaccurate thing in the game: A VSR. What even is that thing? Must be ancient.

hey Maya Matt's show sucks

it's a love Y story that is a blatant rip off of steel samurai that doesn't even include Will Powers in it. Also matt is evil.

dangit assassin go away

Q: To the detention center. Also i hate you Matt.

D: not a message!

he wants me to feed his cat ...the cat's probably innocent…

how do i get to his house though

ah down from the hotel, guess i have to go there

are you saying that i stole Edgy's heart and now you can't take it hahahahaha

i have a damn note let me look

Q: "Would you let this unsophisticated young person collect information?" HAHAHAHA

Q: hmmm i should go feed matt's cat but i wanna look around first

hiiii lottaaaa

Q: the game said that neither of them were there the whole time to maybe it isn't a continuity error?

Q: red-coat's my friend but phoenix is stressed out at the moment so not now

Q: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE OLDBAG

Q: WAIT A SECOND did i just notice a RING on oldbag's finger???

WHAT

Q: Phoenix rivals can be friends but actually one of my firsts ships are rivals who became love interests so you can shut up

Q: well I guess it's time to feed Matt's cat

WHAt IS THIS HOUSE

After we will Matt can I adopt Shoe?

IT'S THE ASSASSIN

Q: HAHAHA SO MATT DIDN'T EVEN ORDER THE ASSASSIN THE ASSASSIN WAS ALREADY HIS BUTLER MAYBE THIS IS THE WEAKNESS JUAN I MISS YOU

Q: wait if Matt has a butler why would he want us to feel him ...to have his assassin butler kill us...

Q:

Phoenix: What is it with me feeling inferior today

It's okay phoenix :( have a cookie

HEY

MAYA IS AROUND HERE

D:<

im saving dammit

Q: AH

IT DIDN'T EVEN SHOW THE DARE BUT THE BEAR IS TELLING AT ME

HI ASSASIN WHAT DO YOU WANT

Q: the transceiver isn't broken i bet i just know that the assassin did this on purpose

Q: YOU CAN DO IT GUMSHOE

Q: this is fun i wonder what else is setting it off

THE EARTH IS ROUND BECAUSE OF GRAVITY DAMMIT PHOENIX YOU'RE A MORON

Q: I found it in the bears head!

Q: you can do it gumshoe!

HI EDGEWORTH WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE I'm going to start calling him Miles

Q: The buyer is Matt/assasin because he's evil and so is Shelly

imma go a bit ill be back

Q: back and dangit i can't find the charger

Q: yaaay my bro found it

Q: savepoint!

Q: I was talking with my brother and we decided the anime probably would've worked a lot better if the episodes weren't one entire case but savepoint to savepoint base

...9 isn't that late...

Q: HEY WENDY (sense you don't like being called oldbag) I WANNA CHAT

Q: Pffft fine Miles, next time i bump into wendy i'll tell her your exact location so that she can bother you instead

Q: I KNEW THAT CEL AND JUAN WERE A THING DANGIT BARDIC FELINE GOOD JOB NOT CONFIRMING DETAILS

Q: oh ya the butler does have stitches on his face...

Q: yesssss thanks Miles now i get to go YELL AT MATT FOR BEING TERRIBLE

Matt: I thought you said I was okay for now! MPW: NOT ANYMORE

Q: oh dang... Adrian is here... I wanna talk to her a lot more than matt

the real matt? YOU MEAN THE EVIL ONE???

Q: wooo only one lock

Q: talked with her on everything... I feel sad BUT ALSO I STILL HATE MATT

Q: I decided to save and just listen to the song a while

Q: Thank you Pearl for making a salad for gumshoe he's having a hard time as well, getting fired and all that

WELL PHOENIX GO BUY SOME LETTUCE

Q: but i don't wanan talk to matt unless I can stab him! Hey look i found powers let's talk to him instead

Q: BUT JUAN IS GOOD PHOENIX DAMMIT

...guess... I'm going to talk to matt now... *sigh*

Q: don't look at me like that Matt i hate you

die matt

5 locks! New record :D

Q: I'm done talking to this moron let's go

gumshoe! What is it?!?!

AND EDGEWORTH SAID IT WAS A DEAD END, HAH

PEARLS SHHHH HE FIGURED IT OUT ON HIS OWN WITH NOTHING ELSE TO GO OFF OF THIS IS IMPRESSIVE

YA WELL I ALREADY KNEW MATT BOUGHT IT ANYWAYS

Phoenix....

Q:

Phoenix having a really tough time. Edgy’s “suicide” being cause by him but he has to not acknowledge it and get to his job, raising Pearl, getting Maya KIDNAPPED, worrying about Matt, Edgy coming back and Phoenix is under enough stress and has to be angry at something (I MADE A NOTE ABOUT HOW IT SEEMS LIKE EDGY KNOWS PHOENIX IS UNDER A LOT OF STRESS AND HE’S BEING NICER TO HIM BECAUSE OF THAT) and Von Karma (just her whip tho), and the assassin and… I really wanted to give him some cookies to make him feel better.

Me going through Zarla’s very old 2-4 doodles: It seems we have very different opinions on Edgeworth in this case

cookies

Q: Matt I know there are 5 locks but I hate you and want to find your secret and then tell the newspapers

Q: OF COURSE YOU WERE WATCHING THEM THERE IS A STUFFED BEAR TRANSMITTER AND CAMERA >:(

Q: YOU BOUGHT THE DAMN BEAR

I'm sorry matt hey why do i feel pity for him

BECAUSE HE'S YOUR BUTLER

Q: FUCK IM SCARED I REGRET THIS

OH FUCK YOU I KNEW THAT YOU'RE HAIR WAS SUSPITION

I HATE YOU

Q: I miss the old Matt

I MISS OLD MATT

I don't wanna get back to the game anymroe i just wanan doodle my regrets away

BF: Hahahaha awww

Just had to scroll back a bit to see your reactions to other stuff

BF: I think I went straight up to the reveal wanting to believe that Matt was somehow innocent, and I’d been spoilered for his evil face.

IIIMMMMMM SOOOOORRRRYYYYYYY

BF: And I coulda sworn I...or the game...told you about Juan and Celeste earlier

Q: dangit

BF: Heee

Q: not earlier i suspected earlier and only recently did it tell me

BF: I have an elaborate theory that Celeste was murdered and it was made to look like a suicide but

Q: I opened the game again. I feel like crying. I'd like to hear more about this

I want to have Pearl punch him but she'll get hurt :(

BF: Admittedly, it’s partly cause I’m so biased in Juan’s favor (and I still acknowledge he messed BADLY) but what we know about the timeline that lead up To Celeste’s death is WEIRD

if only

Q: I wanna hear more but i think i will get spoiled

BF: Aaah okay. I’ll tell you the logic later hah

Q: REALLY PHOENIX IS SCOUNDREL THE STRONGEST SWEAR WORD YOU CAN THINK OF

REALLY

I'D GIVE YOU A LONG LIST OF WORDS I'D CALL HIM BUT IM AFRAID THAT AT THE MOMENT I WON'T PRIVATE MESSAGE THEM

BF: Heee...you can have some of the best doofy conversations with Matt right before god reveal

Before THE reveal, even

Q: >:( I MISS OLD MATT

BF: And I love some of the penalty messages for presenting the wrong stuff during his psyche lock section

There’s this bit where if you ask him that one question again before dealing with the locks, and he goes hold on dude, I gotta call my lawyer

Q: ya well too bad I was too mad to think "hey maybe i should get this wrong"

BF: Hahaha fair enough

Q: Well the game is called Justice for All so that means I may just have to prove my defendant guilty because he sucks

HAHAHAHA

BF: I didn’t doof around as much on my first playthrough cause I spent the whole thing worrying about Maya

But yeah...he pulls his phone out

And the next thing you know, Phoenix’s phone ACTUALLY RINGS

And Matt tells you, over the phone, that he knows nothing so stop asking

HE CALLS YOU WHILE SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

AND NICK IS DOOFY ENOUGH TO ANSWER

And that mental image will never not be hilarious to me

Q: HAHAHA I REALLY WISH I DIDN'T MISS OUT ON THAT

BF: IT’S REALLY EASY TO MISS

BF: There’s a lot of optional dialogue in the bug sweeping part, too, which is easy to miss if you aren’t really thorough about scanning the room

Like one random thing I found in Juan’s room is a BREAD MAKER

Q: HAHAHA THE CAT PFFT WWELL TIME GO GO BACK TO THE HOUSE MILES COME WITH ME

Dangit one day i will replay this and I will find that dialogue

BF: Which had fresh bread still inside if it!

Lol Shoe gave them awaaaaay

Q: TO THE HOUSE

I remember finding that! Pearl was very excited 

I remember somebody who named their cat concrete

BF: So yeah...things that are canon about Juan that make me love him: the entire premise of his show (I would so watch a show about a singing fail ninja, I mean)

Q: SO DO I DAMMIT

MUCH MROE THAN SOME LOVE Y STEEL SAMURAI RIP OFF

BF: He apparently claimed in his OFFICIAL BIOGRAPHY that he fought a bear. And won. And made friends with it.

BF: His whole weird thing with tomato juice and the fact that, if Adrian’s account is anything to go by, the fact that he sleeps SO HEAVILY that he can be taken for dead

Q: MILES HELP ME BREAK DOWN THE DOOR

I remember that!!! it was cute!!!

EDGY THE DOOR OPENED LET'S FIND THIS GUY

I wanna implement that into the ladyverse Juan haha

BF: His stupid mouth reed haha

Lol Zarla and I had a FIELD DAY with Juan and his heavy sleeping in the Frozen AU

BF: I love how weird and intense his rivalry apparently was with Matt, and I think it’s morbidly funny just how badly planned and half assed his actual revenge plot against Matt was when you know exactly what he was trying to do (it’s also pretty sad, but)

Like seriously nothing he tried to do holds up as a good plan if you think about the logistics of it like...at ALL

Q: dangit Maya don't die!

I feel bad for Juan...

BF: I DO TOO He was so young :<

Q: ADRIAN IM ON YOUR SIDE PLEASE TELL ME --- HE JUST WANTED TO GET REVENGE ON MATT!!! so young he died just because he was so desperate to get Matt back and didn't think him plan through...

BF: THAT’S THE WAY I SEE IT

BF: Even the most morally questionable thing he did (you’ll see) I see as being the act of someone who didn’t think his own words would be taken seriously

BF: Because who would believe anything bad said about a beloved actor when it comes from his bitter and angry rival

I think Juan got desperate:<

Q: that thing makes sense now... dangit I thought that picture was funny... --- :(

Q: ...time to save....

Q: Juan didn't deserve to die!

hey this is the the same dream from the begining of the game did i accidently reset i am scared

oh good i didn't accidently reset

phoenix do what Edgy has done before: Fail for justice.

Matt I hate you

go away im sad

Mia is Maya already dead

GUMSHOE HE'S UNDER A LOT OF STRESS RIGHT NOW NOT JUST WHAT HE HAD BEFORE BUT NOW BECAUSE OF MATT PLEASE FORGIVE HIM

Q: How much what this tip

Q: the face had a scar on it. Alright, but how much did Matt 'tip'?

Q :A BIG FAT ROLL. Hopefully the judge can understand this

Q: what the heck does "try to pull a fast one" mean

Q :...this statement still feels wrong..

Q:

Phoenix: ARE YOU SAYING THAT BASEBALLS ARE SUSPICIOUS BECAUSE THEY HAVE STITCHES??? 

How will I ever be able to trust a baseball ever again

Q: I apparently can't trust any sorts of sports balls now because of Phoenix huh

Q: fine. Did the hand on the end of that arm have brown figerless gloves?

find then. Whatever. what was the something?

Q: wooden statue... hm...

the bear.

BF: hahaha so much of Phoenix's arguments here are him pretty transparently stalling for time

Q: IT'S SAD but he needs to learn how to do what edgy does How could anybody hate edgy

dangit uhhh what now well i can save at this point

Well I'm kinda curious about the bear so

Q: uh how about the guy to got the bear? That could be helpful

Please tell me who took the bear!

nice he must've not wanted to get caught

Q: please hand down the verdict 

...Phoenix needs to know where Maya is first...

Mia we need to hear it i'm sorry

Mia don't worry maya is fiiiiINNNNNNEEEE haha

Q: ugh i bet phoenix is thinking of Adrian

Q: dammit we've already hurt her enough!

Q: Edgeworth's opinion is "Phoenix really i thought you grew" and my opinion is "PHOENIX IM SORRY ABOUT MAYA BUT IM WITH MILES ON THIS ONE"

Mia you told me to do this don't look at me like that

Q: oh fuck off matt

Q:

Gumshoe: Have you been hangin' in there pal?? 

me: NO HE CERTAINLY HASN'T

Q: ??: a tent! 

that is the most random thing wtf

MIA how is maya

BF: hahaah SUDDENLY A CALLBACK TO THE PREVIOUS CASE

Q: ALRIGHT SO MAYA'S BEING STARVED WONDERFUL PHOENIX LET'S MAKE MATT FUCKING PAY FOR BEING A *****

Q: LET'S GET A SLEDGEHAMMER AND BREAK THE BEAR OPEN DAMMIT

Q: Judge is doing the puzzle!

Q: Ya well WHAT IS INSIDE OF THE BEAR

Q: THE SUICIDE NOTE

WHAT THE FUCK ADRIAN

Q: frick i hope they find maya soon

BF: the were you responding to the fact that Adrian was planning on burning the note, cause if you are, I always found that to be really messed up

BF: like wtf yes I know you didn't want Juan to use Celeste as a way of getting back at Matt cause you didn't want either of them using her anymore but BURNING YOUR BELOVED MENTOR'S FINAL WORDS

Q: Well I already knew that I was also confused that IT EXISTED AND SHE KNEW WHERE IT WAS and it was brought to my attention yet again she wanted to burn it... AND AS YOU SAID, THAT IS REALLY MESSED UP

BF: Also, Adrian, you tried to use Juan's death as a way to try and get back at MATT.

Q: EXACTLY

BF: WHAT JUAN DID WAS BAD, BUT ALMOST NO ONE SEEMS TO DRAW THE COMPARISON BETWEEN THAT AND ADRIAN STABBING JUAN'S CORPSE

I mean christ if Adrian can be forgiven for that

Q: I AM STILL MAD AT HER FOR THAT!!!

BF: (I like to think that Adrian and Juan were way the heck more alike than she wanted to admit. and I say that while also totally understanding why she feels the way she does.)

Q: waaaaaaaa this case makes me feel sad

Q: ...BUT ON THE BACK OF THE PICTURE FRAME CEL WROTE SOMETHING RIGHT???

Q: "With love, Celeste" is all Celeste wrote on the picture hahah

Q: YA AND IT'S HANDWRITING

YESSSSSSSS A PHONECALL!!!!

BF: (I still have no clue why she dated Matt. like, Lady, why did you date your client? WHY DID YOU DO IT AGAIN WITH JUAN.)

Q: (AND NEVER ONCE DID SHE SEE THE BIG FUCKIN ASS SCAR I MEAN HAIR MOVES IN WIND RIGHT WHAT THE HELL)

HAHAHA I LOVE HOW THEY'RE PLAYING CATCH WITH THE PHONE

BF: hahahahaa HOW DID MATT HIDE THOSE

Q: SERIOUSLY I WAS VERY ANGRY ABOUT THAT EVEN BEFORE I KNEW HIS SCAR WAS THERE

BF: lolol Zar did a comic about that where Phoenix throws the phone and beans Edgeworth in the head with it.

Q: SEND IT NOW

EDGY THANK YOU

Q: hahha I'm used to that kind of silly anime flop bang, I didn't think about it.

Q: dangit was it colored???

BF: it softens his face, so it makes sense from a design standpoint.

Q: I THOUGHT ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DON'T WATCH TOO MUCH ANIME

Q: SEND THEM NOW GUMSHOE

FUCK HE GOT IN A CARCRASH SHIT

NOT GUMSHOE!!!

BF: GUMSHOE WILL LIVE

https://zarla.deviantart.com/art/Bad-reception-PW2Spoilers-59768674 and here

Q: MATT IS NOT INNOCENT AND NEVER WILL BE

Q: SAVE ADRIAN

I feel so happy thank you mia

Q: EXACTLY PHOENIX DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW

Edgy is a friend!!!

BF: hahah

Q: I am still upset how the heck could anybody dislike him

(Edit: I felt guilty for liking him because of hearing Zalra’s not a big fan. I kinda felt guity over liking him because i thought in doing so i was being annoying or something??? it’s dumb but sadly enough i still have problems with it.)

I apparently just really like this character!

BF: hahahaha Edgeworth?

Q: YA!

BF: HE HAS NO SHORTAGE OF FANS IN THIS FANDOM

Q: true

BF: it's the people who DON'T care for him so much who are in the minority

https://zarla.deviantart.com/art/Bad-reception-PW2Spoilers-59768674 and here

Q: WAIT WE DO HAVE A WAY

DOES FRANZ STILL HAVE THE TRACKING DEVICE???

Q: I KNEW THE NOTE WAS FAKE

DANGIT BUT STILL MATT IS TERRIBLE AND SO IS ADRIAN FOR WANTING TO BURN IT

Q: HEY ASSASIN COME TO COURT WITH US

after this is over im going through Zarla's Ace Attorney folder

BF: haha yeah the old forged note thing. that's actually one of my reasons for arguing murder not suicide...cause i took that as 'he couldn't find a note at ALL"

Q: ah alright!

BF: (Also, I love the implication that he's got good handwriting...don't know why i zero in on THAT detail.)

but yeah...the forged note is the REAL thing I parallel to Adrian stabbing Juan's corpse.

cause it feels like the same basic intent

Q: (I took note of that too haha) UGH HOW DARE SHE

BF: (also I'm convinced, again, that Juan didn't think anyone would take anything he had to say about Matt seriously...but they'd listen to CELESTE.)

I STILL FEEL AWFUL FOR ADRIAN AND DON'T BLAME HER FOR PULLING A DESPERATION MOVE even though it made everyone's lives harder and just got her implicated for a crime she didn't commit

Q: ...I still like Juan from this case... he made mistakes and he didn't think about it all of the way through but I really think what he was doing what something that needed to be done considering...

Q: ADRIAN

I DON'T THINK IT'S HER STILL

DAMMIT WHAT THE LIVING HELL ASSASSIN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PROVE MATT GUILTY NOW

Q: MILES IM SORRY WHAT IS WITH ADRIAN

OH YA I KNOW YOU STILL WANT MATT FOUND INNOCENT

SO DAMN YOU IT'S NOT ADRIAN

Q: but i don't wanna go to the fandoooommmmm (eh)

IF SHE KNEW HE WAS DEAD THEN WHY DID SHE GET THE WINGLASS SCREW YOU SHELLY

Q: 

Judge: That was an awfully weak objection for the two of you ah so you know us by now I should've expected this

BF: hahaha the Judge even more used to Phoenix's shenanigans by game 5

Q: assassin your lies are easily seen through hahaha well considering how long of a time that is of course he is

Q: YOU SAID HIM WHAT THE HECK

HAHAHA

ASSASSIN YOU ARE SOMEHOW REALLY BAD AT LYING

BF: hee hee

Q :more obvious lies are coming

BF: WELL SHE DOES HAVE THE MASCULINE VERSION OF HER NAME FOR SOME REASON (the feminine version is spelled Adrienne)

Q: I don't think he saw it spelled to be honest, so either way even if it was spelled the feminine way then he wouldn't have known

BF: hahah TRUE

either way PROOF HE NEVER SAW HER

Q: ALRIGHT THEN WELL THE FIGURINE WAS INSIDE OF MATT'S HOUSE SO

AND IF HE GAVE HER THE FIGURINE SHE WOULD'VE BURNT THE NOTE

BUT GUESS WHAT

IT ISN'T BURNT

BF: (that probably works a bit better in the original Japanese. She has a kind of masculine sounding name there, and it's way way more likely to talk about someone without using pronouns at ALL in Japanese, so more likely he never heard her called a her.)

hahh YEP YOU GOT IT

Q: FUCK. OFF. MATT. NOW.

SO YOU KNOW I HATE YOU AND IF YOU PROVE YOUSELF GUILTY MAYA WILL DIE AND YOU WILL GET YOUR REVENGE ON ME FUCK OFF

I CHOSE TO MAKE MATT FUCK OFF THAT'S WHAT

BF: hahahahahaha

Q: FRANZ WHAT ARE YOU DOING HE'S GUILTY WHAT IS GOING ON

FRANZ DID YOU BRING GUMSHOE

OH MY GOD THANK YOU

YOU ARE HELPFUL

EVEN IF HE'S NTO HERE

YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE YOUR DAD FRANZ!!! :D

BF: Franzy is so much better hahah

Q: :DDD

BF: Though she never does get any good at admitting when she's wrong

Q: ya well at least she doesn't try to kill people over it

i really should sleep but this case is almost over!!

BF: YOU ARE VERY CLOSE TO THE END, IT'S TRUE

Q: BUT I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR 3 HOURS

MATT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF RIGHT

BF: now whether or not you want to intentionally get the bad end or not just to see it is up to you...though I can't remember if the preserved the infamous typo that makes the bad end so memorable for the HD version

if THEY preserved, even

BF: (basically the bad end is super sad and dramatic...but they have a VERY noticeable typo on the dramatic final line that makes it unintentionally funny.)

Q: (pffft)

(I DON'T WANT A BAD END)

Q: I WANNA SHOW THE DAMN VIDEO TAPE TO MR KILLER DAMMIT "why" ILL EXPLAIN WHEN I DON'T FEEL SO RUSHED

BF: (hahah I MEAN FAIR ENOUGH. it's shorter than the good end. BUT THE GOOD END IS SO VERY SATISFYING.

heee jee

Q: (I WANNA SEE THE GOOD END DAMMIT)

BF: yesss SHOW DE KILLER THE PROOF OF MATT'S BACKSTABBING

Q: BACKSTAB BACKSTAB BACKSTAB MATT YOU SUCK FUCK OFF AND DIE

BLACKMAIL OF COURSE DAMMIT

Q: YEESSSSS

KILL MATT KILL MATT KILL MATT

MAYA IS SAFE!!!

Q: FUCK YOU MATT YOU BLACKMAILED THE ASSASIN AND YOU MADE TWO PEOPLE COMMIT SCIDIDE AND KILLED JUAN AND FRAMED ADRIEN AND MADE PHOENIX' LIKE TERRIBLE AND MADE ME GIVE YOU A ROPE FOR A LITTLE BIT (THAT SHIT IS EXPENSIVE) AND

NO I WILL NOT HELP YOU

YOU DUG YOUSELF INTO THIS HOLE AND YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT

YOU WILL BE BURRIED

ALIVE

AND WE WILL ALL CHEER

BF: and now you are about to see that Matt canonically has RAZOR BLADES for fingernails.

Q: HE IS GUILTY I HAVE LEARNT EDGEWORTH IS FRIEND oh boy give me a second

WOW

HOLY SHIT MATT YOUR FINGERNAILS OW

UM MATT STOP IT PLEASE YOU'RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE

BF: WHAT DID I JUST SAY

Q: RAZOR BLADES

ABSALUTE KNIVES FOR FINGERNAILS

BF: and yet there is still endless speculation about whether or not his scars are from a self inflicted wound or not. WHICH WE REALLY CAN'T BE SURE OF HONESTLY

Q: What do you think on it?

aww adrian!!!

(It’s like 1 in the morning now)

Q: Awww!!!

BF: I've heard tons of convincing theories for one thing or another, and I've never settled on a single one.

Q: Alright!

BF: Self inflicted is the OBVIOUS answer...but I've also seen compelling arguments that it was like...Shoe the cat. Or Celeste.

Q: Miles!!! Hello :D

Shoe the cat haha

Celeste makes sense…

BF: I have one very specific scenario where it was JUAN, but that's for one of the AUs

Q: :D yay!!! Maya is good!!!

Hi Franz!!! Well AUs

I lost and i am HAPPY because I got Matt to FUCK THE HELL OFF

BF: (and in that scenario, it was very much self defense...but cutting up his face was unintentional.)

hahahah YOU GOT THE RIGHT VERDICT THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART

Q: INTERESTING

Finally Phoenix understands Edgy's side of the story 

Edgy is best

BF: hahah I'M AFRAID I CAN'T TELL YOU MORE THAN THAT cause it's major spoilers for an ongoing fic

Q: Fine!

Q: hahaha ONE DAY FRANZ, ONE DAY.

Franz: You are no longer worthy of being a Von Karma!

Franz: :with a smile: And neither am I!

:O

...the whip?

I FEEL SO HAPPY FOR HER

Q: MAYA THE BEST THING JUST HAPPENED YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT

BF: hahah SHE REALLY WAS JUST TRYING TO CATCH UP WITH EDGEY, HONESTLY

Q: EVERYONE HERE NEEDS A HUG

HAPPY FAMILY PHOTO :D

Edgy you can be part of the family too

Q:

Maya: A feast!

me: AND EDGY WILL PAY FOR IT!

Hi gumshoe!!! You're also in the family :D

AND LOTTA!

AND POWERS

BF: lol what make the most financially well off person pay for anything? In THIS GAME? don't be silly

BF: EVERYONE IS HERE YAY

Q: EVERYONE IS IN THE FAMILY

EDGY PAY MY RENT

Q: IN THE COAT POCKET

FRANZ IS NEAR?

FRANZ IS PART OF THE FAMILY TOO

WHEREVER SHE IS

Q: Pearl after watching that you still ship me and maya seriously I thought you knew what 'gay' meant

best crackship

Q: RIP PHOENIX'S WALLET, THE EPIC TV SHOW SERIES IT NEEDED TOO MANY SEQUELS TO BECOME A MOVIE SO WE JUST MADE IT A TV SHOW

Q: ALRIGHT IM SLEEPING I’LL LOOK AT THE CREDITS LATER GOODBYE

:After sleeping:

Q: Alright I'm back and looking at the credits

Q: Maya that's not a good thing

Pearl not only did you kill phoenix' wallet again you still fail to see the one true ship here Good job Gumshoe!!! I hope you get a livable amount of money now! Sure I can see Bryde as a waitress... but wait if she's so unlucky then... crap

Q: I wonder where the real hotti is

You can do it Max!!!

BF: She’s definitely coming back in the next game, haha. So is Adrian, but Adri has a far far better time of it that time around.

Q: Well she's fun enough so i don't find yaaaay Adrian :D

BF: Maggey is doomed to have awful luck and end up in trouble though

Q: dangit. MAGGEY IM SORRY FOR YOU

Wendy!!! We got the assassin to kill Matt and got Matt a guilty verdict for killing Juan!!! Are you proud of me!

eh who cares

awww thanks Adrian!

haha Adrian x Franz why not

Q:  goodbye de killer, have you killed matt yet?

hey look the date is showing!

hi Franz!!!

Q: back. had a thing

but franz it does matter! everything matters!

Edgeworth: Are you running away? Franz: Shut up! FRANZ DON'T BE SAD

Q: Franz: You can't possibly understand what is means to be Manfred Von Karma's daughter! ARE YOU ACCEPTING THAT HE IS THE ASSHOLE I KEEP TELLING YOU EH IS

You are a good person, unlike your father

Q:  this is sad I love her character though and it is cool seeing ehr develop

MORE ADRIAN X FRANZ OF COURSE

Q: AWWW SHE'S CRYING D:

BF: I know aaaah. Poor Franziska

Q: BUT SHE IS IN FAMILY!

Sad music!!! Poor Franz D: Don't leave!!! I love you though!!! You are good!!! You're father was terrible! You don't need to be perfect! No one is!!! You're good the way you are!!!

Goodbye Franz! I hope we meet again :(

???

Maya's drawing!

...to the third game!

D: I am scared

(Edit: This drawing was made around 2 months later but it was a drawing of me yelling at everybody that they are in the family so i might as well put it here

)

[musingsofamurderess]

On the Categorical De-Humanization of Addicts and Alcoholics (a short discourse on addiction and alcoholism and an exercise in combatting codependency)

THIS IS A VERY ROUGH DRAFT ONLY!

I am living proof that recovery and rehab work. I currently have 5 and a half years clean and sober. I am not perfect, nor do I expect anyone else to be. Flaws and assets amount to very much the same thing in my experience. This story and its conclusions are from my experience and are dedicated to my mother, who loved me so hard that she tried EVERYTHING in her power to help me when I believed I was beyond help. In her struggle to understand me, I have found parts of myself that I thought were lost forever. I have found some rudimentary dignity in being myself.

Disease or no, we should all be held responsible for or own actions. We should also learn to hold ourselves accountable. Period.

When I was using, I woke up every morning either angry or depressed that I hadn't died overnight. I had been using, in one form or another, since I was 15. I thought that drugs were the only way for me to deal with the reality. I couldn't process my own emotions, thoughts, or actions in healthy ways then because it was easier to let drugs and alcohol do the coping for me. I did not know of any other way for me to live. Drugs seemed to work, at first. I had fun, went to parties, and had lots of sex, but I was denying myself the dignity and experience of learning to walk a mile in my own shoes. The drugs and alcohol kept me "sane" before I learned what sanity was. I loved them for it, but I hated myself.

Learning a workable definition for sanity was paramount in my journey. Although I am aware that there are infinite interpretations of the concept of sanity, the definition that stuck with me was an a quote by Albert Einstein. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." When I looked back on my life before sobriety, this was very much an established pattern for me in my personal relationships, through work and school, and in my day to day activities. In short, it all boiled down to one simple example: I went to bed each night wishing I would die, and awoke each morning wishing I had died. I was truly miserable, but that wasn't what got me to get help.

You would think that each day filled with the horror and dread of the coming day, along with the fear and embarrassment whichever debacle the previous day had begotten would be enough to get me motivated to get the fuck out of my own filth, but sadly, it never was. Enough was never enough. I was determined to find the "right combination," to switch drugs or take them in the right amounts such that I would finally "be ok" with myself and the universe. I suffered years of degradation, humiliation, and bad decisions, all the while thinking that I would one day find a "magic solution," something outside myself that would make everything better. It would negate all the years of being abused, and, more so, an entire lifetime of self-abuse.

"You never have to be miserable again," a friend told me shortly after I decided I was willing to do something different. A tall order, I know, and again I am aware that this is no altruism. How did I get here, and how could this lofty idealist jargon ever become a pivotal and functional part of my idiom? I'll drive you. Drunk, about midnight, driving to a friend's house to apologize for getting too drunk during our previous encounter (not to mention drinking most of his large container of Listerine from the restroom), it was darker than usual. Perhaps my headlights were out? BANG. The window looks funny, why am I having to lean sideways to drive? I'm almost there, I'll just get off the main road and park behind the middle school for a bit and see what happened. Nope. I hear sirens. Better to just keep driving normally like nothing's wrong. Shit, it's for me. I park the car. I insist on a field sobriety test.

Him: Say the alphabet, starting with the letter G.

(He was going easy on me, or was he?)

Me: Backwards?

Him: No, in order. Starting with "G."

Me: The alphabet? "G"....backwards?

Him: Just say the alphabet starting with "G."

Me: Ok, I thought you meant backwards. G, H, I, J, K...I give up.

offers hands for cuffing

Blood Alcohol: 0.18%, you can imagine my disdain after one successful attempt at breaking the filter by blowing too hard. I had lost. At least I'd spent the ride over explaining how I had suicidal tendencies and had seriously hurt my back last time I was drunk tanked trying to break through the door to get away from the other ladies there, specifically the pregnant one who told me my predicament was "no big deal" which demeaned my panicked drunken freak-out session and thus promted said attempt to escape. I asked them to call my psychiatrist and may have given them his number, as I did have it memorized for such occasions, but I have his name and apparently was convincing enough to score myself a single suite. I could barely sleep and when breakfast came under the door, I thew the eggs all over the floor as if smashing them was going to relieve the mental anguish of my current situation. I kept pressing the button and the lady on the speaker told me to clean it up or I wouldn't get to use the phone (because I kept asking). The embarrassment I felt when that woman shamed me for making confetti out of my breakfast was intense. Something snapped. I cleaned and waited.

I had already used my "get out of jail free card" with my parents and began to contemplate my dilemma. I couldn't get away with it again. I would call the bail bondsman, who was very nice to me last time, I'd have him call mom and dad, and tell them.....tell them what? I knew what. I balled my eyes out, full on wailing, moaning and sobbing like the love of my life was just murdered in front of me...I could tell them I'd go to rehab. Dad got better, why couldn't I?

I made the phone call to the bondsman, crying almost to the point of laughing at the irony of it all.

This is just the beginning of my story. I can honestly say that I hope that what happened to me, will happen to other addicts and alcoholics. I am glad to live the beautiful, meaningful, challenging and fulfilling life I now lead.

All this is to say, for the purpose of the event that led me to write this evening, I understand the anger, sadness, and exasperation felt by those who have experiemced, still are experiencing, or will experience the phenomena of watching others kill themselves with drugs and alcohol, brutally destroying everyone and everything in their paths. These are people you love, doing something frankly incomprehensible to most. To you, I say: distance yourself. Get away from these probable addicts and alcoholics who either refuse help or don't think they need it. You don't have to be party to that, you have the right to separate yourself for your own well being.

In fact, by cutting them off, you'll most likely be helping them to reach a point in their lives where they will be willing to try something different. To stop making excuses based on past trauma, blaming the people they love and consequently wondering why, time after time, everyone leaves and things don't work out the way they like or expect them to. Encourage them to stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting by doing the same yourself. Don't give in to pity, blaming circumstances and making excuses for them will only increase your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual investment in them, which will lead only to further heartache and disappointment for you. Offer to help them get better, failing their acceptance, distance will provide you the perspective you need to process the hurt you've endured by being involved with an addict or alcoholic. Get the help you need first, just like emergency protocol when the oxygen masks come down in an airplane, you cannot save them before saving yourself. It's hard, but true.

Unfortunately, some of us do die before they reach a point where they are willing and able to get help. The old adage "if you love them, let them go" seems to ring true in this case (in my experience, at least). I know this sounds harsh, but if you think about it, even a sane and sober person wouldn't change their entire lifestyle without a damn good reason. Help give them that reason by letting go. I'm not saying don't love them, I'm saying do it from a distance; for your own safety and in hopes that one day they will understand and perhaps even thank you one day because you did the right thing. Even though it was harder than you imagined, even though every bone in your body may have wanted to fight it or find any other way, you will have done what was best for you and the other person by offering either real professional help or an end to the relationship as it stands.

I sincerely hope, for everyone's sake, that every user will have enough horrible things happen to (and because of) them that they will be moved enough to do whatever it takes to change. In the meantime and for the record, the categorical dehumanization of addicts and alcoholics will not stand. We are people, and people deserve basic dignity and understanding. Period.

Oct 8, 2017