#my discord is always open we should talk writing sometime i already have some vague ideas haha

[ipatrichor]

HI PAT i see you’re also getting (back?) into one piece. me too!!!

me 🤝 you:

asl brothers <33333

ps: hope the new year will be kind to you!!

HI KG!!!! it's been too long how are you!!!!!

ksbfhdd incredibly funny that we're both getting back into one piece at the same time 😂 however the fact that we both latched onto the found family sibling dynamic is unsurprising

you 🤝 me: asl brothers <3333 is SO REAL i care them 😭😭 canon has been incredibly unkind theres a reason my recent ao3 bookmarks are almost entirely one piece fics ajdhdh

i hope the new year is kind to you as well!! goodness knows we could all use a little kindness these days <3

[kerikaaria]

Where You Belong

Vampire!Jungkook x Reader (Oneshot)

Genre:  (PG15) Fluff with a bit of angst

Warnings: Mentions of death and blood

WC: 5.6k

Description: It took Jimin three weeks to convince Jungkook to spend the holiday break at his family’s house. Why he conceded at all, he had no idea because Jungkook knew it was a bad idea not only with what he was, but also since he had the biggest crush on you, Jimin’s sister. He had a feeling that whatever happened, he wasn’t going to make it out of this quite the same.

A/N - Written for the Secret Santa exchange with @thebtswritersclub​ for @jungkooksbroski​! I really wanted to have this done by Christmas so I’m sorry it’s late :( But I had a goal to at least have it done before the deadline tomorrow, so at least I succeeded with that! I’m sure if you’ve kept an eye on discord you probably know why I wasn’t able to get this out sooner. And it might be a little more angsty than you hoped for, and I also apologize that I don’t write smut XD And I hope you don’t mind it being mostly Jungkook-centric :)  But I hope you still like it! Merry belated Christmas!

“Fucking Jimin,” Jungkook mumbled under his breath as he stood outside the front door to the Park residence. “Why did I let him talk me into this?”

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself before entering, but realized too late that that was a mistake. You must have been close to the front door, seeing as he could practically taste your sweet scent. Which of course only made him berate himself once more for letting his best friend get his way.

“Yo, Jeon!” Taehyung called from behind him, dragging his own suitcase as he approached the house. “What are you doing just standing there? Knock!”

At least Jungkook wasn’t the only one Jimin somehow convinced to spend the holiday break at his house. Granted he was sure that Taehyung only needed to be offered once before happily agreeing, while Jungkook took weeks of convincing to come around to this.

Jungkook raised his hand to the wood, giving it a few knocks before Taehyung could complain again.

“Coming!” you cheerfully called, footsteps approaching the door.

Jungkook’s heart would probably feel like it was jumping out of his chest, were it still beating.

You opened the door with a big smile on your face. “Welcome!” you happily greeted your brother’s friends, stepping aside for them to enter.

Taehyung nudged Jungkook from behind when he didn’t move, still feeling all too nervous about spending the holiday break here. But he quickly gathered himself and finally walked through the door.

Christmas was just a few days away so your house was already littered with holiday-themed decorations, which Jungkook happily noted included extremely few religious items. You could blame mostly your mom and brother for that—they went crazy every year, super excited for the holiday. The only thing that was left to do was decorate the tree, which was purposefully held off until everyone had arrived so you could do it together. "I know Jimin is around here some-" you started before said boy came running down the stairs.

"Taetae! Kookie!" he exclaimed, throwing himself into their arms. "I'm so happy you guys are here!" The way he acted, you would have thought it had been years since they last saw each other.

It had literally only been two days.

Taehyung's deep voice rumbled in a chuckle. "Of course we're here, Chim! How could I pass up the chance to spend Christmas with the family who knows how to celebrate it right?"

Jungkook was much less enthusiastic in his response, which was of no shock to you. You knew (because of how often Jimin would complain to you about it) that it took a lot of convincing to get him to come. But even so, he didn't look miserable. From what you gathered, he just wasn't nearly as excited about the holidays as your family tended to be.

"Come on, let me show you guys to the room!" Jimin said, practically dragging them toward the stairs.

They barely had enough time to react, let alone grab their suitcases, so you took them instead, following behind the three boys. You knew your brother, and you had seen the antics the trio had gotten up to together, so you could only expect that this holiday break was going to be one of the most interesting ones you'd had yet.

"I still don't get why you were so adamant about not wanting to come," Taehyung said to Jungkook when it was just the two of them in the guest room, going through their suitcases.

Jungkook looked at him blankly. "Seriously? You should know why."

"What?" Taehyung pouted in confusion.

"Well, I don't exactly want anyone to know about what I am, do I?" Jungkook whispered.

"Spending a few days at Jimin's isn't going to get you caught," Taehyung said, shrugging. "Unless you think it'll be harder to control or something when you're around Y/n."

"I don't know, it might be." Jungkook sighed. "You know how flustered I tend to get around her. And I guess it's probably instinct or something that sometimes I just have an urge to-" he cut himself off and took a steadying breath, trying to not already get himself worked up when he had been here for barely ten minutes. "And besides, remember how quickly you found out about me? We were roommates for only a few days before I slipped up."

"Yeah, but you have me to come to if you have any problems. I'll keep you in check, don't worry!"

Jungkook eyed the other suspiciously, unconvinced.

"What? I will. Promise. If your fangs pop out or something and you don't notice I'll tell you."

"Don't say that so loud!" Jungkook whisper-shouted.

Taehyung chuckled. "Hey, stop stressing out so bad, huh? It'll be harder to keep it under control if you stress."

Jungkook closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "Yeah, you're right. I'll try."

Silence fell between the two for a few moments before a thought occurred to Taehyung. "Oh! Did you bring some with you, by the way?"

"Some what?" Jungkook asked, more than used to Taehyung's vagueness and random questions, but still confused nonetheless.

"Blood," Taehyung specified, making sure to keep his voice low this time.

"Of course I did." Jungkook even pulled out the small bag where he was keeping his stock to show him. "I wouldn't be dumb enough to go on a vacation somewhere without bringing enough with me."

"Just wanted to check. You know I can always help if you need it."

"We've talked about this, Tae. I'm not drinking from you."

"I just mean that it's an option if you ever need it is all. I trust you not to hurt me."

"Well, that won't be necessary. But thanks, I guess."

"Anytime," Taehyung said, and Jungkook would almost think he was naïve with that big smile of his and what he had just suggested, if he didn't know any better.

The first time Jungkook should have noticed Jimin was up to something was when the four of you were decorating the Christmas tree together. Apparently it was family tradition for the "kids" to be the ones to do it, something Jimin was more than ecstatic about but you seemed to be doing more or less to make your brother happy.

Not that you hated it by any means. No, Jungkook may have been Jimin's friend first, but he knew you well enough to be able to tell you were enjoying yourself. You just weren't as enthusiastic about the holidays as the rest of your family it seemed, merely riding the flow that they set for you.

Jimin was basically instructing you on where to place each ornament, where he felt they would fit the best with the array that had already been placed. It was of no surprise to Jungkook that you followed along with his directions with no complaints. You not only were more than used to Jimin's personality, but also found your own enjoyment by making sure your brother was happy.

He wouldn't have paid it any mind normally, if it wasn't for the fact that everywhere Jimin pointed out for you to place one of the decorations seemed to be dangerously close to Jungkook. The amount of times your arms brushed together, or you bumped into each other during the time spent adding ornaments to the tree was probably more physical contact than he had ever had with you before.

And that was absolutely not doing Jungkook any favors. He was already nervous enough coming here as it was, being this close in proximity to you for so long and in a much more personal setting than usual.

But maybe he was imagining it. Maybe, it really was just a coincidence.

One look at Jimin and the triumphant smirk on his face proved otherwise.

The second time was the next day when you and Jimin were supposed to be baking cookies together. It was your mom's homemade recipe that she had taught to both of you years ago when you became old enough to make them without her help.

Jungkook recalled Jimin mentioning before that it was one of the things both of you loved doing together this time of year. So he found it rather odd when Jimin ushered Jungkook into the kitchen and insisted that he be the one to bake with you.

"But isn't this your thing?" Jungkook asked.

"I have something I need to take care of today, so I thought you could take my place this year," Jimin said. He wasn't a very good liar.

Jungkook turned to look at you, silently checking if you seemed okay with this. When you smiled at him and lightly shrugged, he relaxed. While he was starting to feel suspicious that Jimin was up to something—although he couldn't quite place exactly what just yet—he knew it was pointless to fight it. Even if being alone in your kitchen, baking gingerbread and sugar cookies with you made him feel extra nervous.

You really knew what you were doing, easily instructing Jungkook on each step. There was a reason this was your favorite holiday tradition, and it was because you really enjoyed baking. Doing it with your older brother was an added bonus, but there was just something about all the ingredients coming together to make something delicious and sweet that was so fun and satisfying.

So you focused on that instead of how much you wanted to strangle Jimin. He just had to overhear you telling your friend about how frustrating it was to be crushing on your brother's best friend a month ago. And now he was doing everything in his power to get the two of you close, trying to play matchmaker.

Which to be honest was completely the opposite of what you expected to happen. You thought he'd be mad, tell you that Jungkook was bad for you and you should just forget about it. But instead he was thrilled. Not only did he get more material to tease you with, but he also decided he was going to try to set the two of you up.

He felt like he was doing you a favor, and you felt like he was making you suffer.

Although, you had to appreciate that Jungkook was a complete gentleman. Even though working together to bake required staying in close proximity with each other a lot, he was being very careful about keeping a comfortable distance between the two of you. And if you were being honest with yourself, you couldn't deny that this was actually really nice.

"This stuff smells so weird," Jungkook said as he measured the molasses. You had already put the sugar cookies in the oven after cutting and chilling them so they'd keep their shape, and now you were preparing the gingerbread mixture.

"Yeah, it does," you chuckled. "But gingerbread cookies wouldn't taste the same without it. I promise it'll all come together."

"If you say so," he said before his nose scrunched in displeasure when he got a particularly strong whiff of the sickly sweet yet sour smell.

You laughed at his reaction, taking just a moment to admire Jungkook's handsome looks while he was distracted with scraping as much of the thick liquid from the measuring cup as possible.

For a moment you let yourself think that maybe, just maybe, the reason Jimin was trying to push you two together was perhaps because Jungkook felt the same? But then again, would he have even told him that? You were sure that any conversation that included, "by the way, I have a crush on your sister" would have been just about as awkward as if you admitted to your brother that you had been crushing on his best friend.

Maybe you should just ride the flow of whatever your brother had planned. If something came of it, then that would be great. And if not, you could put this crush behind you and move on.

You decided at that moment that you would just trust your brother this time around, even if his track record wasn't that great.

The third time was so painfully obvious that Jungkook could no longer mistake what it was Jimin was up to.

Jungkook was sitting in the living room on Christmas day. It was the afternoon, having already opened all the gifts that morning. Which was a rather interesting ordeal. Despite knowing their personalities, seeing Taehyung and Jimin act like literal five-year-olds on Christmas morning who were overly excited when opening their presents was still incredibly amusing. Now that it was the afternoon, things had calmed down to a pleasant buzz and Jungkook was actually feeling really happy that Jimin had convinced him to come.

It had been a long time since he had last spent time with other people like this. The Parks were nothing if not welcoming, and he could almost fool himself into believing that this was normal, that he belonged somewhere—with people.

But he had to reel in that thought and remind himself of who he really was. The fact of the matter was that he didn't belong with people. He was a monster, and people were his food source. He couldn't let himself believe anything other than that, even if it was something that he wished were untrue with all his being.

So when Jimin came into the room, dragging you behind him and getting you to sit on the couch right next to Jungkook and then sitting next to you, he kept that reminder ringing through his head. He had to ignore that light feeling you just naturally gave him. He couldn't let his non-beating heart run away with fantasies.

And then Jimin was up to his tricks again, keeping you distracted from what he was doing by chatting up a storm about his thought process behind why he bought you the gift you received from him today. But Jungkook saw it plain as day.

Jimin was attempting to discretely place mistletoe that he must have stolen from another room's decorations on the wall behind the couch, right between you and Jungkook.

That was when Jungkook realized what Jimin had been doing the past few days. Making you constantly bump into each other when decorating the tree, baking cookies together when it was usually something Jimin did with you, and now putting mistletoe above you?

Park Jimin was trying to set you up with Jungkook.

And it almost made him want to smack him upside the head because Jimin was being an absolute idiot if he thought trying to set Jungkook up with his sister was a good idea. It wasn't. it was a stupid, stupid idea.

But then again, he couldn't blame him all too much when Jimin was clueless to Jungkook's true nature.

He realized, that was something he was going to have to amend—right now.

"Jimin, can we talk for a minute please?" Jungkook asked, completely interrupting Jimin's spiel.

"What?" he asked, eyes going wide when he looked over and realized Jungkook noticed what he was doing. "I mean, yeah, of course. What's up?"

"In private," Jungkook emphasized, trying to sound as stern as he possibly could.

"Why would you need to talk to me in priva-" Jimin was cut off when Jungkook quickly got up, yanking him off the couch and dragging him upstairs to the guest bedroom, leaving you behind on the couch and very confused.

After shutting the door behind him, Jungkook firmly stared down Jimin. "What are you doing?"

"Huh?" Jimin asked, his heartrate increasing—whether out of fear or nervousness Jungkook couldn't tell. "W-what do you mean?"

"Are you trying to set me up with Y/n?" Jungkook asked more directly.

It was then that Jungkook realized it wasn't just the two of them in the room, when he heard a very surprised Taehyung almost comically scream, "What?!"

He took a quick look around to make sure there was no one else in the room who couldn't hear what Jungkook was about to admit, what he thought he would never purposefully tell anyone. Once confirming that it was just the three of them in the room, Jungkook continued.

"Is that what's going on?" he pressed. "You're trying to push us together, aren't you?"

"Wh- I mean," Jimin started, clearly very flustered. "What's so wrong about that, huh? I could have sworn that you were into Y/n by the way that you look at her with those googly doe eyes of yours."

Jungkook sighed. He didn't realize he had been that obvious, and especially in front of Jimin of all people. "Jimin, I can't. You don't want me to date your sister."

"Well it's not up to me, is it?" Jimin asked, starting to get defensive. "I don't get to dictate what she does and who she dates. So what if I'm trying to help her out? And what's wrong with dating my sister? What, is she not good enough for you or something?"

"No! That's not what I mean." Jungkook ran a hand down his face, pacing for a moment while he gathered the courage he needed to tell Jimin who—what—he was. "Jimin, you don't understand. I'm the problem. I can't date your sister, even if I wanted to. I'm-"

Jungkook was cut off when Taehyung leapt off the bed and stood next to Jungkook, firmly digging a hand into his shoulder. "Kook, what are you doing?" he harshly whispered.

"I'm telling Jimin what I really am," Jungkook replied, voice still at normal volume. "I can't exactly let him think that I'm a good idea for Y/n."

"Are you sure you want to do that? You don't know how he'll react."

"What is going on?" Jimin asked, getting more confused by the second. "What do you mean, Jungkook?"

Pushing Taehyung's hand off his shoulder, Jungkook braced himself to potentially lose one of his best friends. "I'm not human, Jimin." When Jimin very rightfully just stared at him confused, Jungkook added, "Well, I mean I used to be. But I'm not anymore."

"What the heck are you talking about? That doesn’t even make sense,” Jimin said, taking a step back from him. “You sound crazy right now, Jungkook.”

“I know how it sounds. But I can prove it to you. And if you don’t want anything to do with me afterwards, I understand. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. But I just can’t- I need you to understand that your sister shouldn’t be with me, or even interested in me. No one should be.”

While Jimin still couldn’t understand what his friend was talking about, he had enough respect for him to hear him out so he remained silent while Jungkook grabbed a small bag from his suitcase.

“I used to be human,” Jungkook repeated, voice small. “But sixteen years ago my life ended, in more ways than one.” He unzipped the bag, pulling out an even smaller pouch of what Jimin could have sworn looked like blood.

"I had been on my way home alone late at night after going out with some friends," Jungkook continued. "I was dragged into an alleyway, and it was so dark I couldn't see anything. Except for a pair of bright red eyes. Next thing I knew, there was a sharp pain in my neck and I could feel my body going cold as he drained all the blood from my body."

When Jungkook paused, Jimin couldn't help but interject. "Wait. Are you telling me that you got attacked by like, a vampire? Vampires don't exist, Jungkook."

"I didn't think they did either, until I was left for dead by one." The sadness in Jungkook's eyes over recalling the memory felt like it was piercing into Jimin's soul. "I had to piece this part together later since I obviously don't remember it, but I was found the next morning. Buried just a few days later. Before they had covered my coffin though, I had woken up. But I wasn't human anymore."

By this point, Jungkook looked on the verge of tears. Taehyung was still next to him, now comforting Jungkook with a gentle hand on his lower back. "I don't remember much about my first moments as a vampire. All I know is that I was so hungry and I just went wherever my feet took me. I don't think I ended up hurting anyone, at least. When I started to come to, I was in the woods near the cemetery with a deer lying beside me and blood dripping from my mouth."

Jungkook paused, letting Jimin absorb the information.

"Wha-" Jimin stumbled over his words. "But you were dead? I thought- I mean- in stories or whatever, people don't die before they become vampires, right?"

"In some, I guess," Jungkook shrugged. "I've met other vampires since and have asked about how that worked. And from what I've been told, if a vampire feeds off of a human but doesn't drain too much blood, the human will be fine. When the human is completely drained, then obviously they die. But sometimes, the vampire doesn't completely kill them. They think they've drained all their blood and leave them, but there's actually still a little bit of life left in them. That's what happened to me.

"I was so close to death that everyone thought I was dead. But there was still barely that tiny sliver of life left in me. That's how a human becomes a vampire. Kind of messed up if you ask me, that it's usually unintentional."

"So, what you're saying is that you're a vampire," Jimin very smartly summed up. "And you're telling me because I was trying to set you up with Y/n and you think that's a bad idea because you're a vampire."

Jungkook nodded. "Yes, exactly."

"And you knew about this, Tae?" Jimin asked. When Taehyung nodded, he further asked, "How long have you known?"

"I found out the first week we were roommates at school," he responded. “Jungkook hadn’t fed in too long and I saw it.”

Jimin’s gaze snapped back to Jungkook. “Show me.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened, a bit taken aback at the sudden command. He expected Jimin to want proof, but to be asked so suddenly was unexpected. Once he gathered himself, Jungkook nodded. He opened his mouth just enough before letting his fangs extend, making sure Jimin saw it happen. Once they were fully extended, his eyes turned an unnatural bright red—a warning of danger.

Jungkook could sense Jimin's heartrate speed up once more, a natural reaction to being so close to a monster like him. But in true Jimin nature, he was quick to control himself, forcing his heart to calm down.

"You really are..." Jimin marveled as he slowly stepped toward Jungkook. The latter stood as still as possible, not wanting to make any moves that would scare him off. "I can't believe vampires exist."

"We do," Jungkook said, sounding almost solemn. "I don't belong with your sister. I don't belong with anyone. I haven't for sixteen years and I never will ever again."

"Aren't there, like, vampire communities?" Jimin asked, remaining a lot calmer than Jungkook expected.

"There are," he confirmed. "But I haven't found one that I'm willing to be a part of. The ones I've come across all enable each other to be violent and not fight their instincts. I don't want that. I've been told I'll grow out of it, that most vampires are like that at first but they all give in at some point."

"And how long do they say it takes other vampires to do that?"

Jungkook shrugged. "Usually by ten years or so."

"But you still don't want that," Jimin clarified.

"Not at all. I can't even imagine hurting someone. And I have met one other vampire who is like me. Seokjin-hyung has been around far longer than me and he has a way of getting blood safely, without hurting people. He's how I get these." Jungkook lifted the packet in his hand, which Jimin could no longer question what was contained in it. "Others say it's unnatural, that there's nothing like getting food from the source, but this satisfies me perfectly fine."

"And Tae, you've never been scared of him?" Jimin asked.

"I mean, at first I was a bit sure," Taehyung answered. "I didn't know what was going on and I kind of freaked out. But I've never once thought he would hurt me. I trust him."

Jimin locked eyes with Jungkook. a serious expression on his face. "Then I trust you," he said.

Jungkook's eyes widened in surprise, a tentative smile growing on his face. "Really? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Jimin assured him. "And I know what you mean about Y/n, I understand why you wanted me to stop trying to set the two of you up. But you do like her, don't you?"

Jungkook broke their eye contact, too embarrassed to admit something like that while looking at her brother. "I mean, I do," he whispered. "I couldn't help it. But, you don't have to worry about that! I won't try to pursue her or anything, I swear."

Jimin walked toward the door as he said, “I did mean what I said earlier. I don’t have any say in what she does or who she dates, even if I am her big brother and want her to be safe. So as long as I trust that she’d be okay, I wouldn’t stop her from doing anything.”

Your eyes widened when your brother opened the door in front of you.

“Why don’t you come in here instead of eavesdropping from the hallway, yeah?” he asked.

You looked at the ground as you stepped forward, embarrassed that you had been caught. You really hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but when you had passed by the door on the way to your own room, you heard them talking about you so you stopped. And then Jungkook started talking about not being human and... Well, before you realized it you were listening in.

Your thoughts were all over the place after hearing Jungkook's story. You were overwhelmed with the idea that vampires existed, angry at that man—vampire, you corrected yourself—for what he had done to Jungkook, and sad for Jungkook and what he had gone through. You could only imagine how lonely he must have felt. How lonely he was still feeling.

One thing that he said kept repeating itself in your head. 'I don't belong with anyone. I haven't for sixteen years and I never will ever again.'

Once you were inside the room and Jimin closed the door, you lifted your head and met Jungkook's gaze.

His fangs were visible and you could see a red hue to his eyes, but only for a moment before Jungkook seemed to realize that he hadn't hidden them yet and quickly retracted them. In a split second he once again looked like the Jungkook you were familiar with.

But should you have been worried that seeing his other nature didn't scare you one bit?

"Y-Y/n," Jungkook stumbled out. "I didn't know you were listening... How much did you hear?"

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping," you said. "I didn't mean to, I just- when I passed by you guys were talking about me and then you started talking about your story and I just-" you bowed your head in shame. "I shouldn't have listened in. I'm sorry."

"So you heard everything then?" Jungkook quietly asked.

"I think so," you admitted.

"I can leave tomorrow," Jungkook suddenly said, making your head snap back up.

"What? Why?" you asked.

Jungkook's brows furrowed. "Why would you want something like me here? Knowing what I am now, why would you want me staying in your house?"

"Jungkook," Taehyung whined, a frown on his face.

You saw Jimin glance at you out of the corner of your eye. "We never said we wanted you to leave," he said. "It'd probably be best not to tell our parents, but there's no reason you should have to go."

Jungkook looked even more confused. "But, I-"

"Deserve to enjoy the holidays with people who care about you," you finished for him. He looked at you, clearly shocked. "It sounded like you've felt so lonely. I could only imagine how you feel. Not fitting in with others like you and feeling like you shouldn't belong with people like us. But there's no reason you shouldn't be here. When was the last time you spent a holiday with someone before today?"

Jungkook was speechless for a minute before his expression softened. "Not since I died. I couldn't exactly go back to my family after that. I haven't seen them since and have always reminded myself since then that I don't belong."

"But you do," you insisted, taking a step toward him. "Just because you're different than us doesn't mean you can't belong."

"I could hurt you! Why aren't you afraid of me?”

“Because we know you wouldn’t hurt us,” Taehyung said. “If you wanted to, you would have a long time ago. And you wouldn’t have been so hesitant in coming here.”

“And you wouldn’t have admitted a secret that could have ruined our friendship just because you were concerned about my sister’s safety,” Jimin said. “Out of everything you’ve said today, there’s one main thing that I understand—you’re still the same exact Jungkook I’ve known for the past few years. None of this changes that.”

Tears brimmed at the corners of Jungkook’s eyes. “It should," he almost whispered.

“I can’t understand how you feel,” you said. "I couldn't even begin to try. But I think you're scared because you've been telling yourself that you don't belong anywhere for so long. You could belong here if you wanted to. Do you want to?"

His eyes met yours, tears now falling down his face. He took a moment to think before softly nodding. "I do," he admitted.

"Then you do," Jimin said, stepping up next to you to place a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. "You don't have to leave. Not now, and not in the future."

"If I haven't abandoned you yet, you can expect I'm not ever going to," Taehyung added.

After a moment of silence between the four of you, Jimin gave Jungkook's shoulder another squeeze. "Tae, I think you and I should probably leave so these two can talk," he said.

Taehyung nodded. "Good idea." He gave you a knowing smile as he followed your brother out.

When the door closed once more, Jungkook was the first to talk. "You don't have to-"

"I like you too, Jungkook," you said.

He looked at you in surprise for a moment before saying, "Y/n, you know what I am now. You really shouldn't."

"I don't care." There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in your voice, and Jungkook didn't sense any change in your heartrate, assuring him that you were telling the truth. "When I heard you talking, I felt a lot of things. But fear wasn't one of them. Even when I saw your fangs and your eyes, I wasn't scared. Not one little bit. You're still Jungkook, my brother's best friend who I've had a crush on for an embarrassingly long time," you chuckled.

Jungkook's gaze on you had softened to something much more tender, a sparkle in his eyes that you were now realizing you were strangely familiar with. "Do you realize what that means though?" he asked. "A crush is one thing, but what if it becomes something more, Y/n? I'm not going to age with you. We couldn't stay together because before long, I'm going to look more like your son than a friend or boyfriend. And I'm for sure going to outlive you, unless someone does me in before then. Is that really something you want?"

"I think that's something that we should have the chance to decide together," you said. "If this continues to something more and we want to keep going with this then we can decide what we want to do from there. If we care about each other enough to make it worth it, or not. All I know is that right now, I really like you, Jungkook. And if you like me the same then I want to give this a shot. I trust you."

Jungkook felt like he was about to cry again. He had hope at one point soon after his death that he might get lucky to find people like Jimin and Taehyung, maybe even possibly someone like you, but he had quickly lost that hope. That feeling coming back, even in the smallest amount, was overwhelming and it made him want to go along with what you were saying.

Before he could let himself think too hard and talk himself out of it, he carefully nodded. "Okay," he whispered. "If you think you can handle being okay with making a decision like that in the future, then I trust you too."

The smile you graced him with was blinding, and it made all of his insecurities about the situation fade away. He managed to smile back at you, but only for just barely a moment before you placed your lips against his.

It was the first of many kisses that the two of you would share for many, many years to come.

If you’d like to donate to my Ko-fi, feel free! Absolutely no pressure though :)

[winterhawk-olympic-bang]

Writer’s Workshop: How To End Your Story

How To End Your Story

Guest Poster: Flawedamythyst

We’re in the final furlong before the deadline for the first draft now, so it feels like a good time to talk about endings, and how to bring your story together to create a satisfactory one.

Have a read and then head over to the Discord Server where we have a channel for you to take part in a discussion based on the post, with chances to share your own ideas too.

How To End Your Story

There are traditionally six types of endings for a story:

Resolved ending - one with no lingering questions or loose ends. (Most murder mysteries and romances fall into this category.)

Unresolved ending - the kind of ending that leaves the reader with more questions than answers. (Usually for books that are part of a series. A lot of the HP books have endings like this.)

Expanded ending - expands the world of the story beyond the events of the narrative itself, with a time jump forward or a change in PoV.

Unexpected ending - a twist ending that the reader doesn’t see coming, but that should seem inevitable in hindsight.

Ambiguous ending - one that’s open to interpretation. Unlike an unresolved one, it leaves things to be interpreted by the reader so they have to decide themselves how it goes.

Tied ending - that brings the story full circle, and ends exactly where it began. Often the case for ‘Hero’s Journey’ type stories, where the hero ends up back home at the end.

You can read more about them here: https://boords.com/storytelling/how-to-end-a-story or here: https://www.masterclass.com/articles/ways-to-end-your-story but also in multiple other articles online just by Googling ‘Six Ways To End A Story’. 

But, of course, they don’t really tell you how to work out which one your story needs, or how to write one of them without falling into any of the traps that ends with an unsatisfying ending.

Motivation

Of course, often the hardest bit with an ending is actually getting there. Losing motivation is so easy, especially when you’re writing something super-long. I know lots of people get motivation by posting as they go and using comments/kudos as a spur, or even just by talking about it on Tumblr or other places and letting other people’s excitement buoy them up, but a Bang event like WHOB doesn’t allow for that. 

I’m going to talk a bit about ways to motivate yourself when you’re having to keep things secret from all but a handful of people, but bear in mind that this is something that really is very individual. Everyone writes for different reasons, and so everyone’s path to staying motivated is different.

For me, I think it comes down to focusing on why am I writing this story to start with? Any time I feel myself flagging, I think back to that reason and re-capture the original feeling I had about it. Often there’s a couple of different reasons. 

For example, when I was writing Look What The Cat Dragged In, my motivations when I wrote the first line were:

I want all of fandom to share with me the image of the Winter Soldier waking Clint up to threaten him while gently cradling a kitten in his hands, and 

I was writing it as a present for @kangofu-cb​. 

So, if I flagged at all, I was able to either reread that moment with Bucky holding the kitten and think ‘wow, I really do thing people will enjoy this mental image’, or I was able to think ‘I want my friend to have a nice thing’, and that helped me drive on and push through.

A lot of my personal motivations come down to ‘I want to share this scene/witty one-liner/visual of Clint pole dancing while dressed as Captain America with people’, so often just rereading what I’ve already done is really motivating for me, plus it also gives me the chance to see just how much I’ve already done, and what I would be dooming to be unfinished if I just walked away without pushing through.

You might well have different motivations though, which are equally valid. Maybe you started a fic for this event because you wanted to get a shiny badge, or to do something that your friends were doing, or you wanted to prove to yourself that you could write something longer than usual or outside of your usual wheelhouse. It may feel harder now than it did when you had that first idea, but that doesn’t change why you wanted to do it, and it’s actually easier now than it was when you started, because you’ve already done some of it.

And, if none of those motivations work for you, there’s always spite. ‘Oh, my brain gremlins think I can’t finish this? Fuck those guys, I’m going to prove those assholes so very, very wrong’ is completely how I powered through to finish my first ever novel-length fic, a million years and several fandoms ago. 

Resolution vs Ending

So, let’s move on to the ending itself. 

There are two parts to writing an ending: there’s the plot resolution and how that all gets tied up, and there’s the actual ending of the fic - the last scene, and the last place the reader sees the characters.

Sometimes the resolution happens only at the very end of a story and so those are the same thing, but I tend to think that makes things feel a bit abrupt. Especially for fics, which tend to be more character-driven than mainstream media and so need a wind down on how the characters react to the end of the plot for the reader. (This isn’t always true, of course, some plots do tie up neatly in the final scene. Every story is different and you’re the person best placed to judge what’s needed in your fic.)

So when you’re thinking about the ending, think about both parts. ‘How does this plot resolve itself?’ and ‘where do I want to leave these characters in the readers’ mind’s eye?’

Plotting a Story Resolution

You may well have already got a resolution worked out as part of your planning, but what if that ending doesn’t seem to fit any more, or you realise just as you get to it that you forgot to think about an ending at all and have no idea where to go?

First of all, don’t panic! If the rest of the story is there, you’ll be able to pull together the strands to create the best ending. Trust the bones of your story.

When I’m facing a blank page and no real idea of how I’m getting from the Depths of Despair moment to the happy ending, the first thing I do is reread the whole story in case that sparks a fantastic, fully-formed idea to appear on how to tie it all up. Mostly that doesn’t work, which is always disappointing, but it’s still a good place to start, because you have the whole run of the fic fresh in your head to plan from.

The next thing I do is make a list of all the things that I know definitely need to happen for the plot to be done. These don’t need to be in any particular order at this point and they don’t need to link up, you just need a list of what needs to go into the framework, however minor. ‘Clint wears Bucky’s hoodie and Bucky is smitten’ is a totally valid plot point to include, or even ‘include mention of recurring joke about muffins’. If you know something needs to be resolved but you don’t know how yet, just putting ‘resolve plot point with badgers’ is fine. Hopefully once you’ve started thinking through all the different bits, you’ll work out what’s going to happen to the badgers, and it’ll make sure you know it needs to be included somewhere.

If you have a beta/cheer reader who can help, it’s also super helpful to ask them what they would expect from the ending based on what they’ve read so far, or what elements from earlier in the story they think will be coming back/will turn out to be foreshadowing. Sometimes you’ll find you’ve written the clues to your ending into the earlier bits without really noticing, and you can throw them down on the list to be included as well.

Once you have everything you know needs to be included, you can shift them around into a rough order you think they need to go in, and start filling in the gaps. For example, if ‘Clint gets injured’ is there, you can add in ‘Bucky tends to his wounds’ as the obvious next step and maybe that would be a good time to throw in a muffin joke, and then Clint might need to borrow a hoodie if his shirt has blood on it, so you can tick those bits off as well.

It gets easier to see where the gaps are once you have it written out, even if it’s only things that you already knew would need to happen. Having it down in black and white helps your brain to move pieces around like a jigsaw puzzle, and start extrapolating on what comes in the gaps between.

Make The Ending Fit The Story

Think about what kind of story it’s been so far, and make sure that the ending you come up with fits in with it. 

You’ll know the general feeling that you wanted for the fic when you started writing, so that will give you a solid idea on how the ending needs to go. (Often for me this feeling is ‘schmoopy and loved up’, because I’m a softie. A lot of what I’m doing when I’m writing a fic is just clearing out of the way any obstacles that are going to get in the way of my characters being schmoopy and loved up. When there’s nothing left in the way, that’s when I know it’s the end of the story.)

You also need to keep the tone and pacing of your fic the same, and make sure that your ending matches up so it all feels like it fits together. This includes keeping the pace the same as it had been, no matter how tempting it is to rush through so you can get the thing finished already, or slow right down so you can add in a few thousand more words. 

Along with sticking to the tone you’ve set for the fic, try not to genre-shift - if you’ve written an action-packed zombie apocalypse fic, resolving the plot with domestic schmoop isn’t a great idea. The reader is invested in the style of story that you’ve written so far, so pulling the rug out on them will only give them whiplash, a vague sense of dissatisfaction or a persistent nagging feeling that zombies are about to attack. 

Unless you’ve written a domestic schmoop zombie AU of course, in which case I would read the hell out of it. ‘Curtain!fic but sometimes the undead interrupt’ sounds like a lot of fun.

And finally, make sure you maintain your characterisation. If the ending you want involves your character doing something wildly out-of-character, then that’s not the right ending. (I like to call this an Endgame!Steve ending. No, I’m not over that.) Even if your audience is invested in your story enough to overlook the incongruence, they will be having to overlook it rather than feeling fully invested in the journey you’ve created.

Chekov’s Gun

The most satisfying endings are the ones that tie up most, if not all, of the loose ends, and provide an emotional pay-off equivalent to the build-up. If you’ve been talking about something big that might or might not happen, and then it doesn’t, it’s narratively frustrating. In the same way, if you drop something big in that doesn’t really fit with what went before, it’s going to make the story feel unbalanced. 

Obviously that doesn’t mean you can’t have a surprise or twist ending but even if the reader is surprised by something happening, they still want to feel like they’re reading the same story. They need to look back with hindsight of knowing the twist and see how it fits in, and not how it stands out.

A good rule to follow is the Chekov’s Gun rule: If there’s a gun on the table in the first act, someone needs to shoot it in the second act. If you’ve been teasing something, make sure the pay-off is there.

And, of course, if someone’s going to be firing a gun at the end, go back and make sure it gets mentioned earlier in the story. It doesn’t need to be a heavy-handed anvil, but if you can drop in casual hints about guns earlier in the story, the whole thing feels more cohesive and thought out. No one needs to know that you only put those hints in after you’d finished the whole thing.

Loose Ends

Something I always like to do when I’m plotting exactly how the ending is going to go, is to go back through the whole fic and make a list of anything that feels like it could be a loose end if it didn’t get resolved. (If I’m having a problem working out my ending, often this happens at the same time as writing down all my ending plot points, as I described above.)

Some of those are obvious, like ‘Bucky and Clint need to kiss’, but some are less so. Did Clint think about how much he just wants to be done with all the drama so he can snuggle with his dog? Maybe throw in some Lucky cuddles somewhere in the finale so he gets the emotional pay-off. Has Bucky mentioned really want to punch a bad guy in particular in the face? Give him a chance to smack that asshole around a bit. Has there been a minor relationship drama along the way, like someone leaving their socks lying around? Have them either make a point of putting them away, or the other person just rolling their eyes and accepting it as a part of being with them.

It’s also important to think about where your secondary characters are going to end up, and if it feels like they’ve had an arc that needs resolving. Has there been another pairing with a bit of screen time or some background drama? Give them a chance to make out/make up. Has the bad guy done something that affected one of the other Avengers? Let them have a slice of revenge along the way.

For example, in my plan for Be All You Can Be, one of the original characters I introduced as other soldiers doing Basic Training, Havelka, didn’t turn up again after he’d been kicked back a level to another training unit. When I reread that, it became clear that he needed to prove himself somehow or his arc would be a depressing downward slope partially instigated by Clint and Bucky, so I brought him back at the end to do some First Aid and gave him a line or two to point to how his future was going to go, so the reader knew he was going to be okay.

You don’t have to completely resolve everything of course, and sometimes it is nice to leave a couple of things up to the reader’s imagination, but it’s nice for the reader if there’s a sense of things being tied up in a little bow. 

Ending

So, you’ve resolved your plot, how are you going to handle the actual final ending? 

Depending on how your story has gone, you might not need much after the resolution, or you may need several epilogue-y type scenes just to make sure everything is wrapped up.

Take a moment to think about what feeling you want the reader to take away from the fic. If it’s a romance, do you want to end with a warm fuzz of ‘aw cute’? If it’s been an angsty dig down into Clint or Bucky’s mental health issues, do you want a sense of optimism or catharsis? If there’s been a lot of action and drama, do you want a bit of peace and quiet for your characters to signal it’s all over with?

The best way to end any story is with a sense of hope, even if you’ve not gone for a completely happy ending, or have left yourself open for a sequel with some unresolved plot points. You want the reader to feel at least in some way uplifted. After all, regardless of whatever else has gone before, that’s the emotion they’ll have when they get faced with the Kudos button and the Comment box, so you need them in a good mood, right?

When you know what kind of feeling you want your ending to have, that will give you a major clue as to what the characters should be doing in the final scene.

One thing that can work well is bringing back something from the first scene or two and twisting it to be part of the ending. For example, at the beginning of Be All You Can Be Clint uses the song Make A Man Out Of You from Mulan as a way to torture Bucky, and then at the end, they watch the movie together while snuggling.

You do have to be careful not to be too heavy handed with that, and it doesn’t work in every fic, but I do like the feeling of ‘things coming full circle’ that you can get from doing it.

Afterglow vs. Too Much Ending

I always think that good stories come with a certain amount of ‘afterglow’: Just a scene or two to round things out and give a pointer towards the future. 

For example, in general, I don’t like stories that end with a first kiss, which is one of several reasons I usually find Hollywood romcoms unsatisfying. It feels like too much of a beginning, and leaves too many questions open about how things are actually going to go for the couple in question. As part of a complete ending, it feels more satisfying to have an ‘epilogue’-y type scene afterwards that will give you a sense of how things went from there, even if it’s just a couple of paragraphs about them planning their first date.

I’m sure we can all think of other times we’ve read or watched something and had a moment of ‘oh, was that it?’ after the last sentence/when the credits rolled. Abrupt endings without a bit of afterglow can leave the reader blinking a little and wondering where their damn cuddles are.

That said, you also don’t want to go too far in the opposite direction. If the plot is over, there’s no need to keep going with multiple scenes of fluff or porn that doesn’t really add anything. We don’t need to see their whole lives mapped out, and it can get fairly dull once the tension of the plot is over. Ask yourself if the three chapters of them having sex on every flat surface in their apartment is actually necessary, or if some of them can be cut and used as one-shot sequel/missing scene fics. 

In general if it’s not adding to either the narrative or emotional arcs, try to cap it at a scene or two. Just enough to feel like you’ve had a bit of post-climactic afterglow, but not so much that it’s starting to drag.

In Conclusion…

Ending a fic is, in so many ways, the most satisfying part of writing. You got right the way through your plot to the end! You did all the writing! Your characters made it through to their happy/sad/ambiguous endings! You deserve all the gold stars!

You just want your reader to feel the same way, by making sure the ending fits with what came before, ties up all the ends that need tying up, and leaves them with a deep glow of whatever feeling you want the overall story to convey.

And then you just need to do the editing, but that’s a workshop for another day...

[keigosbirdie]

Birdie’s FAQ

General Questions

Q. Do you have a Patreon?

A. Firstly, thanks to everyone who has asked me this. It means a lot that you guys wanna support me! However, I don’t feel comfortable monetizing my fanworks. I don’t have a Patreon and I don't plan on it, sorry! ;u;

Q. Do you take requests or commission?

A. Nope! I may open some art requests or commissions maybe if I ever get in a really hard spot, but I don’t accept money for writing. Sorry! ;u;

Q. You didn't answer my ask/pm!

A. Frankly, I'm shy ;u; im far more likely to answer an ask than I am a PM, just cause im scarrrreeed. If I don't answer an ask, it's either already been answered here, it was mean spirited or forceful, or i just havent looked at my asks in a while hhaha. Please keep in mind I'm exceptionally introverted and don't usually talk much oof im sorry :(

Art FAQ

Q. What do you use to draw and animate?

A. I draw and animate with paint tool SAI v.1! The program isn’t meant for animation. I just draw all the frames in paint tool sai and then run them through a gif compiler to make them move. 

Q. Can I use your art for headers, icons and emotes?

A. As long as you credit me in some way, you can definitely use my animations and art as icons, header for your blog, and discord emoji. 

Q. Can I repost your art on other sites?

A. Sure, as long as it isn’t tumblr or twitter, since I’m active in those places already and reposted art will be reported. However, if you want to post it on your Instagram, Pinterest, or what have you, feel free as long as my signature is visible and I’m linked somewhere !

Fanfiction FAQ

Q. Can I use your fics for my fanfiction readings? (ex. Youtube)

A. Ask me! Most fics I probably won’t mind as long as I am credited and a link to the fic is posted in the description. However, there may be a select few I would rather not, so drop me a line and we can talk about it!

Q. Do you write for any other fandoms/characters?

A. Nope! I’m only interested in Hawks from BNHA, so that’s all I write! Hah. Eventually one day I may become interested enough in another character to write something for them, but also probably not ;u; 

Q. Do you write “dark” content, like Yandere��or non!con?

A. Generally speaking, no. If I ever got a really good idea I can’t shake down the road, the “Yandere” dynamic may be a lightly used possibility. To the point it probably wouldn’t even be yandere tbh tho hah. Non!con will never appear in my fics, though. Anything generally abhorrent you can be sure I won’t write about. HOWEVER, I do occasionally reblog fics others may find triggering. Always read the warnings authors leave before taking peeks!

Q. I don't like that you often describe things about the reader in your fics. Such as cheeks going red, pink nipples, or their gender.

A. All of my fanfictions are written about myself with me in mind. I try to stray away from outright describing reader by physical traits, since i want everyone to feel included! But at the end of the day I am one person with a world view limited to my own experiances. There will be times its obvious I have fair skin/certain type of hair/particular body features in my writing. I try to be as vague as possible, but please keep in mind the author here is a fair skinned cis female, and I write as a form of escapism with myself in mind first.

Q. You haven’t posted anything in a while! Are you still writing?

A. Yes! I like to take my sweet sweet time with my fanfictions, and im never rushing or in a hurry to update. Sometimes I work on a piece and decide to keep it for myself and not share at all, if its too personal or special to me. I love writing a lot, and if i havent updated in a while be sure to know I havent stopped. Im just enjoying the process of creating without worrying about any deadlines, and that can take weeks to a few months.

Q. There was something in one of your fics I think there should have been a warning for!

A. Tell me !! I try to add warnings for anything that I can think could be upsetting to readers, but if you have a suggestion for me to add more warnings in the future, feel free to send me a message. I would appreciate it ;u;

Q. Do you have a tag list for your fanfics?

A. Sorry, I no longer use a taglist! I do post all my fics on my AO3, Keigosbirdie, however. You can get emails when I update by following me there :)

I may add to this later if I get repeats of other questions! Thanks for reading ;u;

[j-reau]

There’s something I want to talk about that’s been sitting in my head for a few days now. I kept telling myself not to talk about because tumblr struggles with the line between feelings and drama, between change or growth and confrontation and vauging.

That’s not what this post is for me. It’s not drama or a vague post. It’s trying to work through how I feel, trying to talk to the community at large about stuff I think we can do better, or at least stuff I want for me and for my friends and writing partners. 

I think somewhere along the way, in its inability to wrestle with grey areas, tumblr as a whole lost the middle ground between self care and hurting others, and in doing so turned communication into confrontation. I’ll be clear about something to start this off; you don’t owe strangers on the internet anything. You don’t owe someone an explanation as to why you don’t follow them. You don’t owe a mutual an explanation as to why you write with someone else more or where your muse goes that day. You don’t owe anyone your time. You don’t owe anyone your mental health. Curating a safe space is important. Creating boundaries is healthy whether they’re for you or for someone else. I believe all of that to be true and I think that it’s important that on tumblr we absolve some people of the pressure put on them by themselves. I was once stalked by someone who I had never once talked to on this website who demanded to know why I wouldn’t write with them. I did not owe them explanation. Not for why I didn’t follow them and certainly not for why I eventually blocked them. And once they messaged me over and over from different accounts, my boundaries had been crossed and I felt very uncomfortable. So I understand the importance of making sure people know that that kind of pressure is fucked up. Because of my decision not to follow them, that person posted at length about how I was an elitist, unfriendly, etc. They even threatened self harm and guilt baited. And it is instances like that where I think it’s important that we make clear over and over and over that you don’t owe people an explanation. 

With all of that said, I think somewhere along the way we started applying all of those posts about how to deal with toxic people and strangers and started applying them to our friends. And that’s where things get uncomfortable for me and worth talking about for me. So I guess that’s what I want to do. Because to me, you absolutely owe your friends some communication. You owe your friends a reason. Even if it’s as simple as “hey I think I need some space, please don’t contact me for a while.” Relationships come and go and on a website like tumblr we get very close to some people fast, or we talk a lot and share a lot, not everyone is going to click. Not everyone is going to jive and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. But in relationships, communication is a crucial and important part of adult hood. Ignoring problems isn’t adult. Failing to communicate isn’t mature or conflict free. My best and closest friends are the people with which I can communicate. And in some relationships you’ll learn that your communication styles don’t match. And that’s okay too. But communication is important to any friendship, partnership, etc. Something as simple as “hey can we not talk about that? It makes me uncomfortable.” Something as simple as “will you do me a favor and blacklist your posts about _____ because seeing them makes me anxious.” Or even communicating needs for validation like “I’m feeling really sad and anxious today. It’s nothing you’re doing but could you give me a little reassurance?” Or “hey I’ve been busy this week. It’s not you but I need some space away from discord.” Communications don’t have to be arguments. They don’t have to be confrontations. They’re just expressing a feeling and allowing someone else to then accept the boundary or need you express and meet it, ask questions if they need to or whatever it may be. Like for example, “sure I can give you space. Do you want to just hit me up when you feel better or should I reach out in a few days?” 

I think maybe part of it is about how we place value on “friendships” and on partnerships writing on tumblr. And maybe that’s where some of us differ and I also think is an important thing that should be communicated. For me, I write with hundreds of people. I love writing with people. I love having tons of partners and writing with any of my mutuals who want to. When it comes to writing and people who I have writing partnerships with, my communication style is pretty straight forward. And it starts from jump, communicating if we want to ship or not, communicating what kinds of plots we like. And then later when someone has to say “hey can we drop this thread and start a new one?” Or “Sorry I vanished for a month do you still want to write this?” All of those things are communications and to me, come with trust that you will be honest and receive the other person in good faith. of course, in hundreds of people that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it doesn’t go well, and that’s fine. These are writing partners and while my communication style will always be the same and be as honest and straightforward as I can give it, it may not mesh with someone else’s. But then there are friends -- good friends. And by good friends I mean the people you talk to frequently. The people you talk to about how you feel, about what’s going on in your life, about your insecurities or whatever it may be. The people you write with frequently or have built a relationship with, the people you tell with your words that you love or that mean a lot to you. Maybe some people on tumblr use words like that lightly. I don’t know. But for me those are meaningful things and the people I consider good friends are not the same as strangers and are not the same as casual writing partners. 

Something is exchanged when we RP. I talked about this in my last post. I talked about how it’s not “just tumblr RP” how there are feelings and intimacy that is personal and terrifying in writing with people and sharing your creative work with them and opening yourself up to rejection and insecurity. When you RP, when you talk a lot, when you become friends with someone even if it’s on the internet, just as in real life, you’re exchanging trust. You are opening yourself up to vulnerability in expressing your feelings, in sharing your world with someone and they are doing the same by accepting that, caring for that, sharing their own, etc. To me, once you hit the point of having exchanged trust with someone, that’s when you owe communication of some kind. It can be as small as “hey I can’t talk today” and as big as “this thing you did yesterday hurt my feelings.” But it’s so important to do it. That’s important for a number of reasons. It’s important because maybe there is a misunderstanding that can be cleared up. It’s important because maybe that other person may not even know they hurt you and could apologize. It’s important because vocalizing your own feelings is an adult point of growth for you. And a number of other things. 

And I GET IT. Trust me, I do. Communicating is uncomfortable. What about how anxious it makes you? What about how you feel panicked and sweaty and your heart races and you worry that it won’t be well received. Trust me, we all have been there. It happens to everyone and it fucking sucks. But the only way that gets better is with practice. I can already hear the tumblr mentality that says “you shouldn’t have to feel that way if you don’t want to,” and there’s some truth to that. But any therapist will tell you that communication is the key to coming to the other side of that and that the more you do it, the better it’ll be, the easier it’ll feel. Having been in several relationships with people that projected their feelings onto me or held me accountable for their happiness, learning to communicate boundaries, learning to communicate feelings versus intention and all of that were huge for me. This isn’t something I popped out of the womb understanding. It’s something I’ll surely fail at a thousand times. But it’s definitely something important to me to learn. And I think it’s something tumblr can benefit from. Because while “let people block you” is an important mentality for strangers, for abusers, for toxicity, etc it’s not a good mentality for friendships and relationships. Ghosting your friends is really hurtful. Cutting people who mean something to you out with no communication or explanation causes a snowball of bad feeling and anxiety in allowing you to have closure on your terms and the other party to have none. Expecting people to handle hurt and confusion and sadness in private without ever talking about it to anyone is really fucking isolating. Tumblr mentality likes to push that we should be able to axe people without consequence, that they should not ever wonder why, that they can not talk about it to anyone else, or express their sadness. But isolating people in their feelings isn’t healthy and it isn’t adult. There’s a lot of hurt that could be avoided on this website by people learning to communicate and by accepting that sometimes conversations have to be had, even if we don’t like it. Or at the very least, taking ownership for the fact that if we don’t want to have a conversation, that that is on us and not on the other person for feeling confused and not knowing what happened.

So I guess where I’m at here is that I just wanted to talk about that area, and open the floor a little to remind people about communicating. And what I mean when I say friends vs. strangers vs. partners is that I think we also need to be honest with each other and ourselves about who our friends are. Because once you open that trust with someone, there’s responsibility there with what you do with that trust. So be aware of where you open that trust. Be aware of what you say and how you treat people. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone you run across on the internet. I certainly am not. Even people I love writing with may not be my close friends, but I make sure that those are people that I’m not being vulnerable with and sharing feelings about things with and expressing how important they are to me. They are of course still important, but it’s different. Don’t fake friendship with people. Don’t love people into the safety and security of trust and communication that you’re not willing to have. It’s okay if communication isn’t your thing, but understanding that and understanding how you treat people because of it is important. Because communication is important. To friendship, to partnerships, hell even to relationships with coworkers and family members. As a community, I think it’s really important that we encourage being more communicative, and that communication isn’t conflict, and that sometimes having a quick conversation about something where both parties get closure or can say their piece or clear things up is the absolute best way to handle things. 

[oceansgratitude]

Me and the Megamind Fandom

Hey, since I’m recently getting more interaction with the Megamind fandom than I have in a long time, and I’m already overwhelmed by the new discord, I thought I’d share a little of what my experience has been with this fandom, cause I don’t really talk about myself very much.

I first saw the movie in theaters with my family when I was, like, thirteen. I wanted to watch Tangled instead, but Megamind had the majority vote. After words, I had a new favorite movie ever.

I ravenously read fanfictions that came out on fanfiction.net. I know all the old good stuff (as long as I haven’t forgotten a bunch of it... which I’m sure I have.) I was vaguely aware of art being posted on social media, but I wasn’t really on it.(I’m still not, really.) 

During that two-year-ish period, I was being homeschooled because our local Middle School was just awful (Bullies, mean teachers, bad experiences, etc.). I had no friends, my four siblings were always on their computers, and I never got out of the house. During that time I ran myself through self-improvement programs, exercised, and wrote a lot because I didn’t want that time of lame-ness to define me. I fancied myself a future writer. I have a lot of pieces in my Google Drive from that time, and I’ve lost some of it that I’ll never get back.

I learned about the livejournal website for the Megamind fandom from a link in an author’s note, so I’m on there just enough to get emails about new posts, which happens once in a blue moon. Then, either from there or another author’s note,  I learned that a bunch of us are on Tumblr, so I went and made myself a Tumblr account.

At some point in there, my family moved to Texas, and I started high school. I got dang good at writing, as far as I knew. My journalism teacher let me turn in poems instead of the actual assignments and sometimes asked me to read them in front of the class.

I also developed a strong affinity for fish? I’m not sure if they’re may favorite because of Minion, or if Minion is my favorite because of them. My mom and I kept a goldfish pond in the backyard, and I studied their biology. Whenever someone doesn’t know what to get me for a present, anything with a goldfish on it is a safe bet. And I once took a little goldfish in a giant jar to all my classes, and it got loads of attention. Apparently lots of people are afraid of fish? I was thinking about Minion the whole time.

One time in color guard we were doing a dance warm-up, and our instructor was like “yo, let’s switch this up” and we switched songs to Micheal Jackson’s “I’m Bad.” And right after words, one of my best friends said, “At least I can listen to that song without thinking about Megamind.” At the time I hid my face in my hands to hide my blush, but in hindsight, I should have said, “Well, apparently, you CAN’T!”

I thought I’d integrate myself into the Megamind community through sheer power of writing and art skills. But back then, I didn’t really know how human relationships worked. And I wasn’t good at the whole self-discipline thing either (it’s still something I struggle with.)

I got all kinds of mixed feelings about Tumblr. I enjoyed learning about people, finding cool content, and getting feedback for my own content. But there’s also a lot of extremism on here. It makes me nervous about sharing too much of myself because “open-mindedness” on tumblr seems different from its normal definition. I feel like I have to be careful not to step on toes or accidently label myself as an enemy.

Not that I’ve been involved in drama! That’s just an anxiety I had. I was the type to drop into a discord like “hey, here’s this thing I wrote, please read it and tell me what you think, okay, bye!” and the disappear for months and feel bad about the irrational idea that no one liked me.

I found a fandom friend through tumblr, joined a discord, and just chilled there for a few years. I was barely on it. I didn’t know anyone particularly well, but it was cool to get ideas, see the differences in our lives, and get feedback for my fan projects, which were few and far-in-between, but which meant a lot to me.

I graduated high school and moved out to Idaho for college, studying Communication. I like writing and art and music, and I couldn’t pick one so I took a major that would help me use all of those things to make $$$. I really only checked on the fandom once in a while. 

There I learned about some drama that happened in the Megamind fandom a while ago? Well, not learn ABOUT exactly.  I just learned that it existed and it was too terrible to bring up again. Which, okay, cool? I’ll try not to be a meanie, I guess? Can we all just be friends?

I got married in May 2020 (a video news crew showed up so all the world could know that there were only eight people sitting in the spaced-out chairs. Only my family was able to make it) and we finished the whole Ceremony in December up in Idaho with just my hubby’s parents. I graduated and got my degree in December, too. And now I’m living in an apartment with my husband (which is freaking awesome) and filing taxes as an independent, and I have a full-time job while my dude’s still finishing school, and things have changed a lot really fast.

SO IN SHORT: I’ve been here the whole time (this dang 10-year-old movie has been part of my life for the whole second half of my childhood); I’m just not super social online. I’m actually an extravert with a crazy life. Also, please leave comments on my fanfictions and art! That makes me really happy, and that’s most of the social contact I have with ya’ll. That’s about it I guess. Thanks for reading through this whole thing. That’s pretty nice of you.

[doublegrinch]

Charmed! 2021 con log

takes out a chair and sets it down, sits on it backwards

Alright, shouting void, we need to talk.

So...last weekend, I attended Charmed!. Me, a tenured lurker who only a few short months ago was struggling to say one (1) thing in a Discord.

I can't tell you what that means to me.

(I mean, um. I'm gonna try. This is a con log.)

Now, obviously I can't name names, because of the private nature of the event; I'm gonna err on the side of caution on that one, as I understand one is meant to do. Some people reading this* might recognize themselves – and if you do, hi! You're awesome! – but I'll keep all the non-public details vague enough.

Thursday!

No, actually, things started the night before for me.

Wednesday!

As the server opened, people were posting intros, and after obsessing over mine for mumble I posted one. I'm sure glad I did, because a wonderful person decided to reach out to me.

Like...what? Someone wanted to talk to me? Just like that? I had gone into this thinking "oh these social rooms are so intimidating, welp guess it's wallflower time" but then this person just ups and talks to me. And we totally clicked! We'd end up chatting all through the weekend and beyond.

Like...what?! It's not even day one and I'm already making friends?

What?!

Thursday (for real this time)

Came right out of work – which was not a productive day, lemme tell you; somehow I was distracted – and into the 101. Four hours of intense learning goodness, and a perfect introduction to the wonderfulness that was that weekend.

I stayed engaged throughout – a testament to the skills of the presenters! – but socially crashed right after. That would become a running theme of the weekend; turns out even after being deprived of social contact for a whole-ass year, I am very much still an introvert.

Friday

Started the day off right with a class on consent. Not only was this very useful info and a great class, it was smaller and much more chill than the previous one, which was a perfect start for the day.

Then, I went to the coolest class on behavior and conditioning. Seriously, it was so informative. And funny! I kinda know the presenter too, and it was their first class, so I was all like "get it!!!" I came out of it with two main takeaways:

A whole new lens through which to view behavior and how it's influenced. Like, all behavior

A powerful need to buy a particular pen

Then the class on Imposter Syndrome. This was honestly just a balm on a lot of old fears. Not really about kink, because I'm so new I'm "pre-imposter", so to speak; but about writing, and work, and life in general.

I expected to come out with a better understanding of my feelings; I actually came out with not only that, but also some actionable techniques I could use to help with some of my nastier brain goblins. Seriously, if that class's presenter ever reads this : thank you, sincerely.

(Also, seeing some actual living legends attending that class drew in sharp relief what I always suspected to be true : we're all like this sometimes. We're all in this together.)

And then – are you exhausted reading this? Cause I sure was living it! – I went to my fourth class that day, and watched two presenters with such obvious chemistry demonstrate clearly how to Do Things and how Not To Do Things. It was funny, it was instructive, it was lovely. There was a cat at one point.

(Seriously, how is everybody at this con so nice?)

Then in the evening, I was the only one who showed up to a card game (I think everyone else was just exhausted). Only instead of having an Awkward Social Moment I ended up having a lovely chat with someone I'd seen in passing on the Discords but never really talked to before. I dunno what it is about the con atmosphere that just allows these connections to be made; just the tiny push you need to go out and meet people. It's great.

And then I went to bed EXHAUSTED, but so happy.

Saturday!

My brain woke me up at 6 am that morning. Which, since I live in the same timezone as the con, and had planned to skip the first round of classes, it did NOT need to do. Thanks, brain.

Classes!

Since I was up, I went to a class on safety. Good info, cause safety's important, yo.

I went to the Ace and Kinky roundtable! This was such a moment for me. Just sitting around and sharing experiences with people. Just...wow. As I said at the time : I am experiencing validation. Still processing what it means to me actually.

A class about how different dom styles are all valid! As someone who's very insecure in their toppiness, that's a wonderful help

And then, in the evening, the actual card game. Like any good Cards Against Humanity game, this had

Lots of people saying "oh no"

Being kind of skittish about being really awful, then getting a round so horrible you go "oh wow, people came to PLAY huh?"

"That one's too real"

Saying stuff aloud you really wish the neighbors don't hear

A whole bunch of quotes that #overhead-at-charmed was mercifully spared from

Laughter

Human bonding. From my end, at least

Then after we gave the winner the Shame Crown, I went to bed with an even bigger smile on my face. I mean come on! I'm supposed to be Double Grinch, no fair making me all happy and shit.

SuNdAy!

(Can you hear the exhaustion in that title?)

Started the day off with a writing class. Y'ever sit in on a panel of your favorite hypno-smut authors, some of whom have had a direct hand in your own work finally getting read after years of anxious avoidance, and watch them talk about a whole bunch of stuff that makes you go "they're just like me" among other wisdoms? Cause it's a weird, wonderful feeling

Also of note is I was "chatting in the back of the class" a lot of the time on Discord. Which was the best, most belonging-est feeling. And since it wasn't IRL, it didn't bother the presenters!

Weird non-convention pocket of time

So I was torn between which class to attend on the next block, or whether I should take it easy cause I was so tired you guys, oh my god, but then that choice was made for me when a friend from real life – remember real life? – called me to chat. I had A Real Time™ booting my brain in normal human mode for the duration of the call.

That call lasted until five minutes before the block after that one – I talk a lot. You're shocked, I know.

End weird non-convention pocket of time

Aaaand we're back in con space! Last class of the con was...intense, to say the least. Like not even in a bad way, necessarily, but with the exhaustion and all eventually the demo got to be Too Much and I had to bail. It was still good and informative and I took down lots of notes, but yeah, weird feeling.

And then, just like that, it was over! Just like my social meter.

When I went in to this, I had two goals:

Learn things

Be social

That's absolutely a check and check. Gotta think of some more ambitious goals for the next one. But keep those, too.

So, shouting void, what have we learned?

We've learned that I Can Go To Cons™. And that they can be wonderful, intense, magical, intense, spectacular, intense moments filled with learning and human connection.

And to the community builders out there. You know who you are. You folks made the spaces that felt safe enough for this aging fool to dust off an old dream. Thank you.

* except nobody reads this, right? Right.

[autumnslance]

how do you get into roleplaying on a ff server? like how do you do it and how do you know if your character is lore compliant? ;A; pls youre a big inspo to me

*Hugs Nonny* Getting into RP on a FF server can vary; I don’t actually RP much these days, outside of some friends I already have connections to--and that in itself can be difficult just due to Life! It can take time, and patience, and some fits and starts.

And this gets...really really long, so buckle up and go below the cut, please. :)

The cut got broken by an edit. Sigh.

In game there’s always the RP status tag, and just doing RP with folks in public spaces. There may be trolls now and then, but they can be ignored. I personally find Balmung’s Quicksand area too busy and anxiety inducing and not actually all that conducive to actual RP, even “meet at a tavern” walk-up type. But unless you already have a ready-made group of friends/FCmates willing to RP more than some random walk-ups with you, it may take some legwork to find folks you can and want to write with.

Social Media There are a couple of RP community blogs, like @mooglemeet​ and @ffxiv-crystal-rp​  and plenty of server-specific ones. There’s also some Discords for these communities. They host and advertise events and reblog people who are looking for RP contacts. Some of them have running gdoc calendars and in game linkshells and fellowships as well.

Shofie has a good post about Tumblr/social media RP blogging.

@shofie-ffxiv

It’s a fact now that social media outside game is a way to make contacts, or even a medium for RP itself. There are few centralized websites/forums for server RP communities anymore. Making connections over your social media, like Tumblr and Twitter, can help find RP. You can’t just throw your own character info out there or reblog prompts hoping others bite, though; you have to put in some work and show interest in others, too. This can be difficult and even scary. That’s OK.

RP is about collaboration and creating with other people, which means finding folks you can write with, and who see you as someone interesting but also interested in them and their OCs. If you want to keep it a solo endeavor focused on your own OCs, write fanfic (which I’ve actually made friends and gotten RP interests that way too through comment interactions, so hey).

If you reblog a prompt from someone, see others on your dash reblogging prompts, if people reblog that prompt post from you? Send them asks! Alternatively, don’t wait for prompts, just send asks, comments, or chats saying hello and things you notice or like about their blog/character/posts they make. Try to form connections with people you think are genuinely interesting and might be fun to talk with. Social media should be, well, social.

BUT respect boundaries, too. Don’t try sarcasm or jokes with people you don’t actually know, it tends to go over poorly. Unless someone’s specifically posting a naughty meme/prompt, keep stuff you others send clean and polite, especially if it’s unsolicited and you’re not already friends (doubly so if you don’t know how old they are IRL, there are laws you do not want to break). Respect if people aren’t open to random asks or chatting with new followers, or say “no” to RP, and know it’s not personal--it’s just what they have time, energy, and emotional/mental capacity for. Don’t give up on other people, though. This stuff can take time and effort to find those you click with.

Respect and communication with RP partners is pretty key.

Do curate your feeds and don’t be afraid to unfollow/mute/block folks, either. I’m selective in who I follow and remove as needed, too, for my own mental health. I miss so much of the discourse and drama and that’s fine by me. Also it costs nothing to not step in on a lot of the drama when it does pass in sight.

Profiles I have static RP profile pages for my girls here on Tumblr (and a lot of other static links and pages, but I’m weird about organizing like that). This way, if people want to write with me, send me prompts, if I sent them prompts, or they want to otherwise interact with my characters, the information is handily available. For some folks, this makes all the difference in who they choose to interact with: how easily can they find even basic info about your OC?

Some people make Carrds. Some folks have gdoc links, or use Dreamwidth, etc. Just keep the links in the blog’s sidebar menu, and/or in the blog desc so people can see ‘em on mobile. There are templates out there, or you can make your own. Feel free to snag mine if you’d like. A lot of times people also copy their profiles to rebloggable posts when looking for RP contacts. Profiles are a good way to let folks know just the at-a-glance basics about your character(s).

I picked a simple theme with a simple layout that makes it easy to add and show off links. I put them in the blog desc to make them easy to find on mobile, too.

[Images: links from my blog sidebar menu showing how over organized I am]

RP, Stories, Lore Post some stories or RP logs (with permission of others involved) or even just random little blurbs and headcanons, as well as any screenshots, art, aesthetic posts for your OCs. Have something of interest to show for your character, too, so some of those folks your interacting with have something of their own to see and ask about!

If possible, try some light RP with friends and FC Mates who are amenable. Go to events, even if just to lurk at first. When you do get up the nerve to talk to people, don’t try to throw a character’s entire backstory at them, or try to steal the limelight--RP is collaboration, back and forth, and a lot like real conversation. Maybe come up with little light things to talk about if asked; a recent adventuring job, a silly shopping incident, etc. They can break the ice or just give you something to reply with for a few minutes.

Lore Compliance is Variable. Some people really want lore compliance, others are OK bending it here and there, while still others throw it out the window entirely. If you want to be super lore compliant...read. There’s a LOT of information, in game and out, for finding lore; from official publications and website material, to tools like Garland Tools site, to compilation blogs like @mirkemenagerie.

Note what’s important for your concept. Narrow it down. Characters aren’t going to know or be or do everything, so only worry about what’s necessary for the base idea. And be flexible; it’s SE’s sandbox, we just play in it, and they can change things any time. They usually do it in the guise of characters not knowing/having all the correct information, at least, but also some places just don’t exist in game yet so we don’t have info.

I’m unspecific about a lot of elements of Aeryn’s childhood, for instance, other than “traveling merchants near Thavnair.” I don’t have to be super specific. I can keep most details vague, and focus on her family and those relationships.

Dark, as my first character, has a fairly simple backstory that I’ve expanded on and adjusted over time as I learned and came up with new info. I also bet no one remembers I originally said Dark was from the North Shroud. I’ve changed things (now from East Shroud, due to the proximity to Gyr Abania and its Hellsguards) as I learned more about the world and my character. You don’t want to change things willy-nilly, but sometimes being flexible and smoothing down some rough edges and making small changes can be fine, especially as one gets more lore over time.

Iyna has a pretty detailed backstory, that came from a basic idea, and checking dates in the pre-Calamity timeline. I based her being taken and trained the way she was not only on what info we have about Garlemald’s imperial practices with conquered provinces, but borrowed a bit from real life and the re-education schools many Native Americans were forced into (though I haven’t gone into detail on that yet, either). I tied the turning point in Iyna’s life to a major event that wasn’t the Calamity, and have left plenty of space in between for me to fill in as time goes on and I learn more about her and the world.

The world isn’t static, and is bigger and more diverse than what can be shown in the game. There’s space in the margins for plenty of weird stuff and contradictions or unusual cases. So read up on what you can, ask questions, and then find where in those spaces your OC fits. Then, find people who enjoy similar tastes in lore compliance (or non-compliance), and who enjoy playing with you and your OCs, and not worrying about the rest. Can’t please everyone, nor get along with everyone, so don’t try; just find what works for you, and who works with you, and don’t police anyone else’s pretendy fun times, either.

There’s no magic answer on the “right” amount of lore compliance, or how to quickly and easily find RP partners or break into the broader RP community.

I hope this helps at least a little bit! Good luck in finding your niche for RP, and maybe I’ll see you sometime at an event :)

[fcarher]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: slug / ellie     Age: 19       Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Yunaeisha Adynora, other demons from my lore Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Yunaeisha Current Fandom(s): None really  Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  Naruto, PKMN, Magi, Gangsta, OPM, MHA, Hazbin Hotel & currently working on an ATLA verse My language(s): german, polish, italian, english   Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: highschool, modern & fantasy/medieval

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: the best way is just to straight up approach me. most often than not, just liking a post is not enough because it’s too vague ?? like if i post an idea & you like that, i’ll still be hesitant when it comes to roleplaying or approaching you because, while i appreciate such gestures, i’m just too anxious. therefore, plopping into my IMs without a properly fleshed out idea is also fine ! it, at least, gives me the hint that you’re actively seeking interaction. however, just saying “i want to roleplay & plot !” won’t cut it; at least, have something in mind, please !

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  basic ideas & pouring their heart into plotting! i don’t mind waiting, at all, so if you’re busy, don’t worry about keeping me waiting; i completely understand since i’m also often busy with work or university. but !! please don’t only come to me with the statement: “i want to plot!” it’s not gonna cut it & it’s not gonna help with a proper interaction, at all. if i approach someone, most often than not, i have SOME sort of idea in mind. but yeah, being passionate is the most important thing!

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  most often than not, the conversation will die down because i will loose motivation; i don’t like it because i’ll feel like a bother & i shouldn’t feel that way when it comes to a hobby! therefore, one-sided plotting is one of my deal breakers; i usually end the conversation & there will be little to no interaction happening. like i said; i don’t mind waiting, i just hate that feeling of coming on TOO strong when my plotting partner delivers no input. 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  often than not, i start off with rather simple question like; are you interested in a certain verse ? do you already have something in mind ? if not, i will go through their about page & ask them things about their character & how that could possibly bring our characters to interact. sometimes, the about pages of a muse cannot give you every single bit of information; muses grow & change with each thread, therefore, it’s often better to just ask the people about their characters ! & from then on, it often just comes naturally. 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if the thread is not THAT important or vital for our character’s relationship; i don’t mind & won’t need to know if the thread is dropped. sometimes, if it’s a heavily plotted thread & i’ve anticipated the interaction a lot; i’d appreciate a quick heads-up from my partner that they’re not feeling that certain thread any longer; i don’t mind that !! - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: they don’t need to tell me; SOMETIMES, it’s just a nice gesture but most of the time, i don’t care, we can always start another thread !!

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  many things can lead to me dropping a thread; just losing motivation, having no muse for a certain genre or simply having the feeling that my partner is not liking it, any longer (ex. extreme lack of trying to match the reply length ). my health & my schedule can also, sadly, affect my motivation, so, more often than not, i tend to drop shorter threads & keep longer ones.  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  i get anxious really fast if people stop replying for a very long time, out of the blue. it has happened to me once before with a good friend with whom i have no contact with any longer due to miscommunication & them not trying to communicate the issue with me; therefore, yes, it is very important. i wanna know if something is bothering you; i wanna know if you like something very much; i wanna know what’s up ! we’re humans & we’re adults; we can talk about this.  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  yes ! as long as it is constructive criticism & not straight-up bashing my characters or lore; i’m all for it. i don’t mind hearing negative things; in fact, i appreciate the honesty & it gives me room to work on myself & my writing ! - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  building relationships that LAST & exploring my muses through & through; it is amazing how much yuna has grown through interactions with others; how different she has become from the yuna i once started out with; it’s almost been a year now & it’s just amazing. however, i’m not stopping anytime soon; THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO EXPLORE !! the ultimate goal is for me to just look at my blog & be completely proud of what i have accomplished & written; i want fleshed out relationships & threads; deep stuff !!

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  yuna talking with someone about her struggles; mentally & physically. being open about her abusive father & how it has traumatized her & painted men in the worst picture one could imagine. HOWEVER; a hard thing because i don’t want these things to be pre-est or something; i want a thread where there is struggling, screams, conflict ! it is rather hard to find someone, though, who is willing & fitting to go onto that long journey with me & yuna. also, i’d love to write about darker stuff; i love fluff, though, sometimes i sure want a bit of that, too. 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  the only things i won’t rp or explore are stated in my rules; ex. pedophilia, rape & really descriptive animal abuse. killing, torture, gore as well as cheating, heartbreak or toxic relationships are okay, while i do prefer to have a deeper bond with someone while exploring the latter & be communicating the whole time; i think these are really REAL topics & that’s why i wouldn’t mind exploring them because it does happen, more than one would like them to happen. however, if i see you, the mun, glorifying or romanticizing these; just no. 

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: i like everything with some sort of substance; i love short ones as much as long ones, nevertheless, you have to give me something to work with. yuna would ignore anyone not of any interest or value to her; therefore, if your muse just asks her random questions, the interaction will go nowhere. if you’re unsure; just ask !!

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: i love characters with uniqueness to them; it can be a certain interest, certain appearance or their species can be totally unique to them; i’ll love it ! i do have a thing for villains, though; always had, even when i was young 8^) so, dark, stubborn & “evil” characters catch my interest far more than a really nice muse who just is all smiles all day. i love a muse that can kick mine & yuna’s ass, basically. someone with strong morals or who is just really set on their beliefs can also offer conflict which i ADORE !! i need it; i live for it !!

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  really kind & unbothered muses who are self-sacrificing, perfect & loved by everyone for no reason ?? idk, i just think it’s bad writing. everyone has flaws; no one is perfect ! 

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  i am a very open person who will talk with you about anything & is keen on exploring our character’s relationship at all times & through all means; i often send my rp partners prompts in form of my yuna just being her dumb-self or through memes ! i will constantly think about our characters & will try to have them interact as much as possible. i am, most of the time, very active & respond to the threads fairly quickly ! if i am totally invested; you’ll get everything you want; a moodboard, an edit, a drawing, etc. i literally pour my heart & soul into every bond my muse has; i live for them. oh !! i also love asking people question about their characters; i just love learning new things about them !! 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: i’m very slow out of character; i don’t approach muns a lot because i’m scared to be a bother, working on it ! i often ramble a lot & my writing can become a bit convoluted & hard to understand, i apologize ! i tend to not message people on discord as often as i’d like to; mostly because i’m really socially awkward or just don’t think that what i want to show to them is THAT important. i’m not as straight-forward as i wish myself to be; however, even with all that; i still have a lot of fun & am acknowledging & actively working on my weak aspects ! 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  often, it is because i want to develop the relationship or yuna’s character; she’s a very sexual being who hardly connects to someone emotionally; therefore, writing sex & exploring the vulnerability behind it can be really beautiful ! though, fun is also involved !  - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  non-consensual stuff is a no-go ! also, certain kinks that make me uncomfortable are also off the table; ex. anything involving bodily fluids other than spit. 

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  i love the conflicts the most; clashing ideals or just two stubborn muses arguing for the heck of it is really fun & can develop the relationship beautifully ! yuna is a person who likes someone that can be properly fought with, verbally here. but of course, i also adore the very soft moments!! i love meaningless fluff; it warms my heart.  - What is your smut tag?: SINFUL.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: nothing TOO drastic; a friendship, a rivalry is a-okay ! however, i’m very hesitant when it comes to having pre-est. romantic relationships; though, you can quickly change my mind if you pour your soul into the plotting; then i’m fine with it ! everything that needs time when writing also needs time when plotting; don’t just straight up jump into something if you’re not able to give it your all.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  i think yuna is a person with whom it is easy to form relationships with; it takes a bit of time but due to her rather drastic ideals & opinions; anything can be founded within seconds. she doesn’t hold back when it comes to her honesty & conflicts will arise. also, for all muses with demonic or deity backgrounds; being a daughter of the literal queen of hell, though, also harboring fragments of a god’s soul makes her unique in the supernatural world which can spark interest with your character or even they can develop an ill-will towards her ? i think it’s really interesting exploring what makes one work & go on & yuna has the philosophical potential to tickle that out of your muse; she question EVERYTHING. now for certain plots; one-sided love or even friendships are always really interesting, especially when she is the one having such feelings. other than that; she has enormous & dangerous powers; so if you’re into character or world-building; can offer that as well !

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:  humans; she doesn’t approach humans who are just kind & have nothing to offer for her, the least she’d do is have sex with them or kill them to harvest their life energy. i’m sorry but she really does hate all of humanity & to change that opinion ? man, you must be the most stubborn person ever.  - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  characters who are of supernatural or demonic nature; she’ll be very interested & even nosy to a point. also, very attractive characters who are not afraid to speak their mind; she’s really superficial most of the time & will flirt with anything that she deems good-looking. muses who have ideals that contrast hers or that are similar to her but also, generally, people who are open-minded. 

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  sex, parties, plants & flowers, astronomy, writing, demons & hell, the underground scene, killing, knives & playing the piano - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the questions that bother her the most are; why did her mother had to die ? why would nobody help her while she was being abused by her father ? why was she kept alive by her sisters ? is there love out there for someone like her ? what do these strange visions mean that occur almost every night ? she has a lot of things she wants to experience & wishes to have a normal life once she has killed her other mother, lilith, which is her ultimate goal, at the moment.  - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  their appearance; the scent of their blood & if it differs from humans; how they react towards her & what they do in front of her.  - What do they value in a person?:    strong opinions, loyalty, good looks, humor, strength (not limited to physical strength) - What themes do they like talking about?:  herself or the world & the state of it; she likes being philosophical with some, can often be somewhat self-centered; THOUGH; it is almost always for her to see how they would react to that. 

- Which themes bore them?:  love & drama; she does not care a lot for gossip or anything relating to it; the topic of love, no matter in which sense, is always brushed off because she just doesn’t find any appeal in it. 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  Being the reason her own mother committed suicide; Her father & sister abusing her all her life, spouting lies & beating her until she could stand no more while her other sisters would watch & do nothing, even though, they were supposed to support each other; laewa, one of her sisters, fancying the idea of killing yuna for the greater good; two of her best friends turning on her when they find out she’s not human & then being killed right in front of her eyes; her one & only boyfriend protecting her from a demon hunter & being killed in the process - What could possibly trigger them?:  loud sudden noises; making fun of her attachment to her late ex-boyfriend, being awfully nice to her, the sight of any dog or wolf, tender touches (esp. her back being touched), being alone with her thoughts for far too long  - What could set them off, enrage them?:  people who make fun of her & her powers; calling her a monster; not understanding her pain when she opens up; purposefully touching her back or any other scarred skin, being nosy  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  you are a demon hunter that does not show remorse when killing demons with a consciousness, trying to kill her, killing one of her comrades 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  Keela Adynora, Myra Adynora (Father, Sister), the other D.O.L.s, EYES’ superiors (the organization she works for), Humans, Lilith - Is there someone /-thing they love?:  Evelin Adynora (Her biological mother)

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: If you’re not quite human or are a demon, you could literally stand next to her & be silent; she’ll become curious on her own. other than that; be interesting or flirt with her; just do something that does not involve small talk; she hates that.  - Where are they usually to find?:  strip club (her workplace), bars, clubs, clearings within a forest, nice areas that are full of trees & plants; a roof-top

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  Yuna is basically pandora’s box personified; she may seem nice & attractive from the outside but within her are sleeping demons that only wait to be awakened. & withal, she is still a cutie who will become your number one supporter & protector if you manage to build a proper relationship with. it’s hard to get through that shell & what awaits is NOT that pretty but with years upon years of abuse, neglect & shit being thrown her way; it’s not easy being a carefree immortal. 

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar , i srsly love these so much, snow !! thank you for tagging me <3 i had so much fun 8′)  Tagging:  @thevvolf ; @nezumi-vc-103221 ; @empiia ; @dvojakyvlk ; @childrenxfthemoon ; @hensetsu​​ ; @goldempire​​ ; @animatedatrophy​ ; @talonness​ ; @shikkotsunin​ ; @wcrthlessanimal​ & anyone else !! 

[turingtestr]

mobile post of all my information for the anon who wanted a mobile rules / bio. i could make a google docs but i’m burnt out. please also note, i haven’t even GLANCED at my bio i wrote for elijah since 2018, so uh... i should probably do that. sorry if it’s bad.

ONE. due to the nature of my roleplaying style, there will absolutely be mature themes here and there on this blog. all and any mature themes that involve sexual topics of the nsfw variety will only be written with muses that are 18+. as for those people that are 18+ that follow me, i fully understand if you do not want to write any nsfw content, and if any threads lead to that we can fade to black. just ask me, i’m fairly easy going and more than happy to make people feel welcome. it is not a requirement to rp nsfw content with me and i will never force anyone to do that. !

TWO. this is a selective/private blog. i really only roleplay with mutuals, however you’re more than welcome to reply to any of my open starters if i specify that you can but just know i might not reply because i (1) don’t know your muse, (2) have zero muse for the reply and will get to it later, (3) have no interest in the thread, or (4) am uncomfortable with something on your blog. roleplaying is also a HOBBY for me. i work full time and sometimes i genuinely cannot reply fast. if you hassle me to reply to things, i will not want to roleplay with you and it will turn me off from roleplaying with you completely. in fact, if you harrass me to reply to threads, i will automatically unfollow you because i’m not about that life of being pushed to reply to things. if you spam my follow button to try and get my attention, that will result in a soft block on your behalf. please don’t test my patience. if you do not have your ooc name on your page i will not follow you, due to me thinking hiding your ooc alias is shady and sketchy af.

THREE. i love shipping and i love roleplaying so much. this is not a single ship blog and none of the ships i portray are at the same time (unless further discussed with muns, of course).MY PRIMARY CHLOE SHIPPING PARTNER IS @TURINGTESTEE, which means that if kamski mentions chloe in a verse, he's most likely talking about this chloe. if there are any verses that kamski is going to have one single ship, i will make sure to let people know that in the verse description section once i make it. otherwise, my muse is a free for all. if i do have mains, which will be listed, they are just the people i will reply to the most, however, i won't actually limit myself to only roleplaying with them and i hope my mains respect and are comfortable with that.

FOUR. tagging triggers is something that means a lot to me as i am not comfortable with NEEDLES OR PUPPETS on my dashboard so i blacklist needles tw and puppets tw. i know it’s weird but hey, we all have our things. please let me know if you need anything tagged- even if i don’t personally follow you. you deserve a clean and safe dashboard to roleplay in. WARNING.

FIVE.anon hate will be deleted on the spot. no exceptions. i don’t care about your petty feelings and i won’t tolerate them in the slightest. i’m not here to entertain horrible people’s opinions of myself. constructive criticisms are allowed, but at the respect of myself reblogging a meme asking for it specifically.

SIX. mutuals are allowed to ask for my wire or discord, since i use both and would love to rp on both. i also play dead by daylight on ps4, so if you’d be down to game as well, feel free to hit me up there too! overwatch on ps4 is ITSGEOFFREY so you can add me there too.

SEVEN. i very rarely will send in passwords, as i do not require it and i should not have to be tested on your blog to be allowed to roleplay with someone. usually if you have a password, i genuinely just didn’t think to look for it and i apologize if this upsets you but you probably won’t see any from me.

EIGHT. please take into consideration while dealing with kamski that he has high signs of NPD & a huge god complex.

-----

BIOGRAPHY

NAME: Elijah Dean Kamski ALIASES: Eli, Lij, Boss, Kamski GENDER: Male AFFILIATION: Cyberlife Technologies, currently retired AGE: 36

THE START

there's many days where the kamski family would have a bit of struggles, as elijah grew up. he never knew much about his father, seeing as his father passed when he was a very young boy — no more than six. he'd never grown to know too much about him, and his mother didn't overly want to share about him, so it was safe to say the woman had a reason for not telling elijah and that was that.

growing up with a single mother who had severe epilepsy, elijah tried his very hardest to make his mother's life as easy as possible. school days would be very short considering he'd go straight home from school in order to watch after his mother. some days with his mother, depending on the medication the doctors had recommended her, would be better than others. she always appreciated her son's committment to being with her and he was determined to make life easy on the two of them. using the money she got from the state, she'd try to urge her son go into extra cirricular activiies he wanted to do, however he only dismissed the ideas, claiming that he'd rather be home. he'd use the money to spend on textbooks, wanting to develop his own version of a Vagus nerve stimulation device. one that would make sure to surge with electrical pulses before his mother even remotely had to move herself to activate the device. computer engineering was his goal, and he'd stop at nothing to get through that.

as life continued on, elijah continued to shove his head into books and continuously study. he pushed through high school faster than anyone had expected, at age ELEVEN he had shown his studies to multipile colleges, showing his theories on how to better create medical devices.

THE CHANGE

the university of colbridge had been a struggle for elijah, being the youngest student there. studying medical engineering was easy, and he had decided to double major in computer engineering as well, to perhaps attempt to integrate the two. though school was difficult, the hardest part was being away from his mother. the school had refused to let him travel back and forth, saying that freshmen had to stay on campus as apart of regulations and requirements from the state. when he started college, his mother had decidded upon asking the state for a caregiver- on the off chance that something did happen. with the VNS that was already implanted in her, she was able to have a job during the day, but the caretaker was supposed to just oversee her during the nights. it settled eli's anxiety about his mother a little bit. four months into his freshman year, eli had woken up to a call from the san antonio police, letting him know that his mother had been rushed to the hospital after having a grand mal seizure and hitting her head on their marble counters. apparently the caretaker assigned to look after his mother hadn't even shown up that night. he quickly rushed home, terrified what had happened.

something, however that night had turned elijah into a bitter person. into someone against humanity. though his mother had survived the seizure, things weren't the same for either of them. after knowing his mother's caretaker had ABANDONED her, elijah had fully decided to go more into engineering to create a way for humans to be more reliable. what was more reliable than humanity? MACHINES. something that would always obey. obedient machines that had a purpose and a task and would see it through. dropping fully out of medical engineering, elijah settled for computer science and engeineering instead. the utter drive to create a better human than humans themselves was so strong that by the age sixteen, elijah had worked together with a team of classmates to create the first medical assistant androids. REVOLUTIONARY KICKSTARTER model 100, or RK for short. RK100 was born and tested on his mother, who seeemed quite uneasy, but only wanted to support her son.

ENTER CYBERLIFE

though it wasn't perfect, the ark series took off. mainly piquing interest in san diego, california. the backbones of the mega-billion dollar company that would be founded by elijah kamski and his cohorts suddenly had at least three hundred backers trying to support the small business after seeing what a success the RK100 was at being not only a companion for his mother, but also how helpful the RK was at it's job. the medical caretakers were able to do so much, and suddenly with the money that was being thrown at the group, elijah became more than enthused with power. hungry for it, almost.

making more medical related androids were being highly requested, and the team set out to create diffrent functions for androids, trying to perfect everything.

taking into consideration his mother — his finest mentor and most trusted support, and what she thought of the androids, he sought out to consult with his old AI professor, Amanda Stern, on how to make the androids a bit more lifelike. It was hard, at least for what his mother admitted, for a human to trust a machine that looked like a machine to help themselves out through life. upon her advice, eli threw himself into work, the team of cyberlife growing into a business, and then a wide scale company alongside elijah's work. no matter what, the man was the front of the company, having done the majority of the coding and research in what brought the androids to life. the company sought after targeting the cheapest land developments in the united states in order to make their headquarters and warehouses, bringing CYBERLIFE to DETROIT, MICHIGAN where it currently resides.

it takes kamski four years after founding cyberlife to come out with a brand new appearance for his androids. something human like after struggling and struggling to engineer the perfect components to theorize biological functions. this equiptment created became biocompotenents, but it still wasn't enough to make thes he was creating look HUMAN. but after all the struggles and finally figuring out a way to regulate something akin to blood into the android's system, elijah kamski in the year 2022 releases the RT REVOLUTIONARY TURING model; a personal assistant to elijah kamski that uses the alias ' CHLOE '. Cyberlife has been thurst into the spotlight and once again Elijah Kamski realizes that these advancements in the world have honestly made people envious. the public demands the rights to these androids and while he still is bitter over humanity and the lack of reliabilty that humans provide for the world, he obliges. Cyberlife goes public with their androids and the public are now able to put a price tag on androids.

THE REVOLUTION

the world that assumes elijah kamski is nothing but a greedy, power-hungry boss of a CEO for cyberlife overlooks one important fact: he still wants revenge on the world. his mother passes on at the age 43, a few years before his greatest mentor amanda stern passes. the loss of both role models awakens a vengeful force in elijah kamski. one that wants to remind the world that mortality is relevant for all. cyberlife has created over thousands of models, all for different functions and he looks upon his kingdom with hopeful eyes as well as bitterness. humanity has become less reliant. they've become lazier. androids have become the working force, for the most part, and while elijah sees that as a positive note because it is moving forward away from the laziness and unreliability of humanity — the CEO is fully aware that his androids are becoming more and more human like the more and more they develop. the deviant base code is never once touched. always overlooked by cyberlife developers who dare not touch the work of the first working android made by elijah kamski himself. while he's aware he, himself, is mortal just like the rest of humanity, seeing his creations become sentient, to rise up against the laziness and unreliable humanity that he lives among has been his goal. he just awaits the REVOLUTIONARY KICKSTARTER 200 to actually get pushed to the brink of going through his code.

now it's just a game of waiting to see who pushes who, and who comes up on top. it's always a delight to play god.

THE SIBLING ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

i'm not going to be writing a brand new biography for the gavin / elijah brothers universe, but i need to work out how they can be related with my current bio, or i might just go off of a gavin's biography. shrug emote.

[zcnns]

* ↪ jeon jungkook. he/him. male. ╱ i thought i saw zen namgung last getting questioned by the police. the twenty-one year old is in their third year at west bridge studying creative writing. they were at manon’s party because he was dragged there by a friend. do you think they had something to do with her death? + indie concerts dressed in all black, a constant look of disinterest, things always left unsaid.

hewwo friends, i’m syds, aka the worst!!! i’m twenty-one and i’m est but i don’t know what sleeping at night means haha #quirky ! i’m also easily distracted and forget that sometimes u should Stop Talking!! we also out here being the most Stereotypical Libra u will Ever Meet. ANYWAYS under the cut is some info about zen, and if you wanna plot pls like/im or if you’d like to plot on discord i’m happy to give u my @, just let me know!!!

BACKGROUND

zen was born cortland, his parents barely twenty years old. they were extremely unprepared when it came to raising a kid, and their relationship was only a few months in when his mother got pregnant. 

their families were not at all supportive and basically left his parents to fend for themselves when trying to raise zen. it brought out the worst in both of them, the stress weighing on their shoulders turned quickly to anger towards each other and zen. 

while i attempted to keep things as vague a possible when it comes to his relationship with his parents, there are some vague mentions of mental/emotional abuse, manipulation, and neglect.

his father was definitely the worst of it. everything about their relationship became toxic, but his mother’s reliance on his father and unwillingness to be alone made her stay through it all. nonetheless, his father’s manipulative behaviors soon made their way into zen’s head as he got older and the anger was more so directed at him. 

zen started to really seclude himself. he didn’t like people. by the time he started school, he was already pretty content with keeping to himself and keeping the few imaginary friends he’d created in his own head. 

while he hated the idea of becoming close to people, there were a few times he would notice something off about his classmates, and do something from a distance to cheer them up. 

during middle school was when his father’s torment became unbearable for him. zen ran away in 7th grade - he was gone for three days before he was found. that was what officially built a thick wall between himself and his parents, and he rarely spoke to them by choice. he wanted to be as distant from them as he physically could without leaving again.

that worked just the same in his school life. zen never allowed anyone too close, and he even went so far as snapping at a girl in front of everyone when she attempted to hold his hand. anything physical made him bubble of with anxiety, and he couldn’t find the pleasure in it as much as he just felt fear of what it might mean to someone else. 

middle school was also where he really found his love of writing. he started practicing his creative writing more and more, very addicted to the possibility of getting lost in his own imaginary worlds and escaping the life he really had. 

high school was when he began working more on his social skills, but he still doesn’t necessarily ever want to make friends. he has a dry sense of humor, his tone usually pretty monotone and his expression rarely showing much excitement unless he genuinely feels it.

basically... grumpy boy who is difficult about making new friends? he’s made a few now that he’s in college, away from his parents, and feels a little more comfortable, but he’s very picky with who he chooses to spend his time with, and how.

also: works at a gas station !! he usually gets his school work done while he’s hanging out during the night shift since it’s not super super busy. one would think he’d be freaked out, but he likes to see the different types of people that wander around at night. it ‘inspires’ him.

other notable things: he’s a big virgin, very scared of falling in love, has a tendency to get crushes, really loves spending his free time at concerts, likes questioning everything abt life with others in the middle of the night, also believes in ghosts and aliens so much i guess he thinks it’s his defining character trait or sumn, can really ramble when he’s nervous/is talking about something he really loves, and he curses FAR too much. generally isn’t like... an Emo boy, he just likes his personal space and time, but he can be FUN i promise.

connection ideas:

childhood friend, a good/bad influence, someone who he tried to date but it didn’t last a week, someone he Attempted to hook up with and it went badly (thus he’s v embarrassed around them), something unrequited (either side), people he hangs out with because they have Big personalities and inspire his writing, someone he might potentially have a crush on right Now, a roommate, someone he met at a concert and now he likes to ask them to go to concerts with him, someone he might be Extra soft and protective of but lowkey...... 

that’s all i can think of but!! please like this i’d like to plot/brainstorm/just talk to everyone and i can’t wait 2 open!!!!

[corvigae]

So last night in the TAZ Fic Writer's Discord @acecreates was talking about their idea for Taakitz's adopted daughter Izzy. Now if y'all know me you know I'm always 110% down to talk Taakitz kiddos, and one idea in particular stood out to me and I decided "I need to write that." So, here's the result of that.

Isabel slowly turned the knob to her parents' bedroom, trying to open the door as quietly as possible.  She cringed when it creaked slightly as it opened, but a quick glance towards the bed told her that the noise hadn't disturbed her daddy.  Good.  She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and silently padded into the room, the cold wooden floor chilling her bare feet.  She stopped short at the end of the bed, rocking on her heels a bit as she weighed her options.

Isabel wasn't sure if she should wake her daddy up or not.  The nightmare she’s just woken up from had scared her pretty badly, and she wanted some comfort.  She didn't think he'd be mad at her for waking him up, but she also knew that he'd been really, really tired when he'd gotten home from work that day, and she didn't want to disturb him.  Sometimes when Poppa and Daddy were both home she'd just curl up into bed between them, the closeness of her fathers comforting enough that she didn't need to wake them, but tonight Poppa was gone, out on a tour that would keep him away for a few days.

While she stood there deciding she heard a quiet yawn and covers shifting, as her daddy started to stir.  She held still, thinking that maybe if she didn't move he wouldn't see her and go back to sleep.

Instead he looked over at her and immediately started screaming.

Here's the thing about elf eyes - in order to be able to see in the dark they are hella reflective; think like a cat's eyes when you shine a light at them at night.  Also, when it's dark you tend to only be able to see the vague outline of things.  Lastly, a tired, sleep-addled mind tends to not be the most logical mind, so it's easy for the instinct of fear to take over completely before you're able to properly process the context of a situation.

That being said, it was perfectly understandable for Kravitz to freak the fuck out upon waking up to see a small, seemingly shapeless form with glowing eyes peering at him from the foot of his bed.

Fear and a hunter's instinct taking over, Kravitz screamed and proceeded to jump up, scrambling to his feet and quickly shifting into his reaper form in an attempt to scare whatever had managed to scare him first.  It was only after he had shifted that his soulfire eyes saw what his human eyes could not in the dark, and that was his daughter Isabel standing where the perceived "threat" had been, now backing away in fear, tears in her eyes as she looked upon what must be a truly horrifying thing for a five year old elf to see.

"I- Izzy wait-" Kravitz tried to say, but already she was gone, taking off running out the door and screaming as she went.  Kravitz's heart immediately sank.  He felt just absolutely horrible for scaring his little girl like that.  He didn’t want her to be afraid of him, that’s why he specifically never went skeletal when he was around her.  He quickly shifted back to his flesh form and went out to try to find the scared little elf.

After a few minutes of searching he finally located her under the kitchen table, sniffling and hugging her knees close to her, her big, floppy baby elf ears covering her eyes.  “Izzy?” he asked quietly, kneeling down to her level.

She started at his voice and her ears flew away from her eyes, before she whimpered and scooted back a little further from him.  That action made it feel like someone had shoved an icy knife into Kravitz’s gut.

“Izzy I won’t hurt you, I promise.  It’s just me, it’s just Daddy,” he tried to soothe.

“No, you’re not!” she shouted.  “You’re a monster that just looks like my daddy because you’re tryin’ to trick me!”  The knife in Kravitz’s gut twisted.  “But my dads fight monsters, and they’re gonna come whoop your butt!”

“Sweetheart, no, it’s really me, I promise!  That scary skeleton you saw in my room, that was just Daddy’s work-face,” he tried to explain.  “That’s what I look like when I’m out fighting the bad guys.”  He paused for a moment, struggling to find the right words to say.  “I’m really sorry I scared you, you startled me by showing up in my room in the middle of the night.”  Kravitz waited for a response from Isabel, but all he heard was more sniffles.  He sighed, then asked, “What if I got Poppa to tell you that you had nothing to be afraid of?  Would that help?”

He waited for a response again, this time hearing her mumble a quiet “Maybe,” after a beat.

“Okay,” he said, rising from his crouched position on the floor.  “I’ll go get my stone of farspeech and call him for you.”  He retreated back to the bedroom and retrieved his stone from the end table next to the bed.  He then went back to Isabel’s hiding place under the table, waiting until he got settled back down before tuning his stone to Taako’s frequency.

“Taako, dear, are you there?” he asked into the stone.

It took for a moment for Taako to respond, groaning distantly before he picked up his own stone and brought it closer to speak.  “Krav, do you have any idea how fuckin’ late it is?  Cha’boy needs his beauty sleep!”

“Sorry love,” Kravitz apologized.  “We had a bit of an incident at home, though.”

There was a rustling noise from the other end of the stone, most likely blankets as Taako suddenly sat up in alarm.  “Is everyone alright?  Where’s Izzy?” he asked, panic ringing clear in his voice.

“We’re fine, Izzy’s right here,” Kravitz said, quick to quell the fear rising in his husband.  “But she startled me awake a few minutes ago, and had a bit of a scare because she saw me in my 'work face,’” he explained.  “I was hoping that you could tell her that she had nothing to be scared of.”

“Oooohhh…” Taako said after a pause as he understood the situation.  “Give her the stone, I’ll talk to her.”

“Alright,” Kravitz said, nodding and slowly reaching under the table to put the stone on the floor.  He then put his hands up and scooted away from it, to show Isabel that it was safe for her to take it.  She eyed him suspiciously for a moment before quickly darting forward to snatch it up and then retreat back to the center of the table.

“Poppa?” she asked the stone, holding it close to her face.

“Hey pumpkin, what’s going on?” Taako asked, and Isabel seemed to visibly relax at the sound of her father’s voice.

“There’s a monster in the house!” she replied.  “I had a nightmare, and I went to go wake up Daddy, but when I went into your room there was a scary skeleton in the bed, and then it made itself look like Daddy to try an’ chase me!”

“Izzy, kiddo, that wasn’t a monster, that was Daddy,” Taako said, repeating what Kravitz had previously stated.  “That was just the face he uses to scare the real monsters.  He can’t see in the dark as well as we can - he’s not a super cool elf like us - so when you went to wake him up you scared him and he went all boney on ya.”

Isabel looked cautiously over at Kravitz, who was still backed up from the table a little ways.  “You’re sure that it’s really Daddy?” she asked.

“Swear on my life, pumpkin.  You know I’d be over there in an instant if I thought you were in danger.”

Isabel nodded, then slowly started to crawl out from under the table.  She paused as she got to her feet, and then launched herself at Kravitz in a big bear hug.  Kravitz was caught a little off guard by the hug, but quickly recovered to return the embrace, hugging his daughter close.

“I’m sorry Daddy!” Isabel sniffled into Kravitz’s shoulder.  He simply shushed her, rubbing comforting circled into her back.

“It’s okay Izzy, I know you were scared.  I’m sorry for scaring you in the first place,” he said.

“Well it sounds like everything’s resolved, so if y’all don’t mind, Taako’s gonna get some shut-eye now!” declared the stone that lay momentarily forgotten on the ground where Isabel dropped it.  “Good night!”

Kravitz laughed and said “Goodnight love!” at the same time Isabel yelled “G’night, Poppa!”  They heard the stone click off, and Kravitz turned back to Isabel.  “Well, I think it’s time for us both to go back to bed.  Do you want to sleep in your room, or my room?”

“Your room,” Isabel responded instantly.  “I’m still scared from my nightmare.”

“Okay sweetheart,” Kravitz said, lifting himself to his feet and keeping a firm hold on Isabel.  “Let’s hit the hay.”