#my darling you do not want to be in this folder anyway it's okay stay out here with mom hgkjg

[silent-sentinels]

its funny sorting members into sp folders because lili will see us put ryan (her big brother) and juliet (her big sister) and scottie (her aunt) into the same folder and do the mental equivalent of grabby hands and go "me too? me too??"

just hggkjg im so sorry sweetheart, i know you like to be included but you are absolutely not a main socializer hgkjg

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Villain Dekuwife | 5

The Masterlist For The Other Chapters

"Hey! Sorry for being so late I was fighting with my husband and he just can be so-ugh!"

You destroyed another crayon. You had agreed to color with the detective at the cafe he had said was a safe spot to talk. You didn't ask why you're house wasn't but what did you care? Everyone had their reasons for everything. "It's fine Ms. Midoriya." "Misssus, Shinsou. We may be fighting but that doesn't mean I plan to abandon my title." "Right. Sorry slip of the tongue." "Anyway you said you wanted to talk right? What about?" "Yes."Pulling out a thick manilla folder; he plopped it on the table and continued. "On the day of January 30th where were you and your husband?"

"This again? I told you that day I was trapped with violent criminals in my husband's car and he was ambushed before me. What more do you need?" Your patterns in coloring the dinosaur on page didn't reflect the frustrated tone you had. He needed to press further. "Okay okay, how about the night of Jun 7th?" "The day Izu came home really badly beat up?" "Yes records show you had reported 'gangsters' in the area for attacking your husband." "Right. I didn't divulge this in front of him but I'm pretty sure its the people he's working with they have him under physical threat." "Paying your bills doesn't seem to be a 'physical threat'…" "Well of course they would, he'd have no other reason to stick around and be their punching-bag if he wasn't getting paid." "Is that so." This was getting nowhere. "Uhm Ms. Midoriya if your willing I can walk you home." "Oh no thank you, I'm going to stay here a bit longer and color." The purplette rubbed his head as if to soothe his oncoming headache. "But Ms. Midoriya I couldn't rest knowing you didn't get home safe." "Then stay or call me later. I'd prefer it that way so I can finish this, before anything else." He was getting nowhere with you but he stopped himself before he lost his temper. "Hey Ms. Midoriya does your husband have green hair?" "Well of course he does--" Your (e/c) dulled, your mouth hung open, and the crayon you were coloring with began to roll on the table. "Walk with me." On command you stood up from your chair and obeyed following him into a maze of alleyways. He led you to a dead end where he physically halted you to a stop. Waking up you attempted to yell in retaliation but a quietly uttered question had you falling limp as the spindles of a gray capture weapon attached to an underground hero. "Who is the Deku-villain? What is their connection to Pyrodast? Is Shoto Todoroki connected to them as well?" You seemed to have fallen asleep but the shaking of your body and the straining of the capture weapon says otherwise. You're not sleeping but instead practically frothing at the mouth with anger. "You've gotta lot of nerve!"

Barely gritting out those words before you latch on to the capture weapon and pull the user from their position on a fire escape. "Aaaah" Eraserhead grunted as he was launched into his detective companion. You unravel the remaining remaining threads on you before grabbing the fallen Shinsou by his shirt's collar. You reeled back punching him square in the face before stomping back to the cafe to retrieve your coloring material.

Geez can't a woman color in piece?

-----

"Darling, my love, the most wonderful wife in the world--" "What do you need Izu?" You rolled your eyes to see him sitting beneath you on the floor. You crossed your arms as he played with your (pants/skirt) just waiting for the punchline. You could tell whatever he was about to ask was a touchy subject. He knew you well and to be nervous coming to you, it would have to be a pretty good reason. "Uhm my love, you remember Shoto Todoroki don't you?" "Todoroki-kun? Yes I remember him." "He-er-we have a proposal for you." "Oh." "My queen…you know I love you more than anything, right my love?" "Just tell me what you both want! Sorry but seriously this is killing me." "Well we wanted to make a new relationship." Frantically shaking his hands as he saw your horrified expression, "Im not cheating! I mean with you like all three of us, together. The three of us…" He trailed off as he watched your face morph into a smile. Maybe you would have a change of heart. Maybe you were secretly wanting this too. Or maybe-- "#$%÷ no." "Darling!" He hated how much of an influence Kaachan had on your angry reactions. He tried to question you more but you had stood up from the couch, moving to grab your bag from your shared room. He followed after you, he needed to smooth this over soon. "(Y/n) c'mon, it's not like I want to date you both. I mean i do but I- no the thing is he really likes, no, loves both of us a lot and I really love him too and we were wondering if you were willing to try-"

"No."

Armed with your keys and totebag you swerved around his freckled arms that were reaching out for you. "But why? Don't you like him at least a little bit?" You stopped just before the door tensing before turning to look at Izuku, there were unshed tears in your eyes. " When I married you, we agreed that you were mine; that we were eachother's." He tried to hold your clenched fist but you pulled away. "Instead now your trying to give me away for something that's impossible-" "It's not impossible-" "IT IS! You can't have both of us Izuku you just can't." All Izuku registered was the slam of the door and sunken feeling in his chest. A feeling he'd have to relive when he finally told Shoto.

[iwritefandomimagines]

AARON HOTCHNER x READER: “Are you drunk?”

requested: prompt 10

masterlist

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader

description: you’ve been fighting feelings for hotch for some time now, assuming he doesn’t feel the same. after witnessing office gossip and having a drink or two, hotch makes it clear you were wrong to assume that.

warnings: kissing, but nothing too explicit.

Another day of stolen glances. Another day of accidental touches when he was trying to stay away. Another day of sexual tension lingering in the air so thickly that it could be cut with only the sharpest of knives.

Aaron Hotchner was the bane of your existence, you were certain of it.

You’d been attracted to him since the day you first set foot into the BAU. He was still married to Haley, then, and you’d kept your distance because you respected that, but knew you couldn’t help your desperation to flirt with him. It helped that she knew how you felt -- she’d never liked you as a result.

When they got divorced, you supported him as best as you could. You thought about keeping your distance, not wanting to let yourself fall for him even more in a time of his vulnerability. But you couldn't let him suffer his heartbreak without knowing that, in whatever capacity, you cared.

But now that some time had passed, things had gone back to usual. In the past few weeks he seemed to avoid you entirely. You felt worried, like you’d imposed too much on his personal life and that was why he was avoiding you like the plague. 

Should you have stayed out of it?

He’d seemed incredibly grateful for your concern at the time, but what had changed? You didn’t want to ruin things, not with the man you were certain you were head over heels for.

Despite him trying his best to ignore you, the tension between you remained ever-present. Everyone seemed to notice, the girls taking it upon themselves to gossip and throw endless questions at you. They’d gone so far as to assume something had happened between you already, assuming that was why things were awkward. 

You were finishing up some paperwork, Garcia, Emily and JJ at your side as you pushed your last pile of folders to the back of your desk, “You’re telling us the absolute truth, right?” Penelope pressed, chin in her palm as she nosed at your personal life as ever. 

“Nothing happened between us, guys,” you laughed sourly, and they obviously could detect your tone, “He still loves her, I’m sure of it. It hasn’t been long, has it?”

Emily eyed you curiously, “And how do you feel about him?”

You bit your lip, unsure of how much to give away, “I suppose I’ve been lying saying I’m not even slightly attracted to him. But nothing will happen, he’s never going to feel anything for me... And he’s my boss. Besides, he’s been avoiding me for a while now...”

JJ laughed, glancing up towards Hotch’s office, “Y/N, he’s been undressing you with his eyes all week... And whenever you’re not in the office he’s asking after you, always making excuses about paperwork he needs from you.” 

You blushed, looking up and accidentally catching his eye, looking immediately back at the girls. Did he really ask after you? Of course you’d noticed that there was tension, but you assumed it was more on your part and that he was simply lonely as a result of his divorce.

“I-I don’t know guys,” you stuttered, raising to your feet and slinging your bag over your shoulder, “I’ve gotta head home anyway. I’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow, okay?”

As soon as Hotch saw you stand, his eyes followed you the whole way out of the doors. He gulped, seeing the girls’ eyes trail to him and knowing that he’d been the topic of conversation prior to your exit.

He left his office, pacing over to where they sat with a stern expression on his face as ever, “Is everything okay with Y/L/N?” 

Penelope smirked, “Oh, she’s just a little pent up, I think,” she teased, debating letting the truth slip but deciding instead to just suggest, “I think you should speak to her, sir.”

Hotch just nodded, swallowing hard and heading back to his office to gather hs things and leave. 

“Oh my god, I’ve never seen Hotch leave so early... Do you think he’s really going to speak to her?” Emily whispered, and the girls all felt giddy as they hoped their friends would finally make the moves they’d wanted to for as long as they’d known them.

------

You were just falling asleep when a knock rapped at your front door.

You stumbled out of bed, hardly awake enough to realise the small slip nightdress barely covering your frame. 

You were surprised to find a slightly disheveled looking Aaron Hotchner, his tie pulled loose and his face twisted in an expression you couldn’t quite decipher.

“Sorry for-for turning up like this, Y/N. But I’d like to talk to you if that’s okay,” he took in your sleepy state then, “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

You shrugged, “Not quite. But it’s alright, come in.”

He stumbled a little as he walked in and, considering he didn’t drink much usually you brushed it off and assumed he was just being awkward as he followed you to your couch.

“What is it, Aaron? Is everything okay?”

He sighed, “I’m sorry. For ignoring you, because it’s the last thing I wanted to do, darling. Really.” He sat beside you on the couch, closer than he’d ever usually sit, his warm breath over your face and allowing you smell the scotch on his tongue.

“Are you drunk?” 

Aaron’s hand reached up to your face, his palm cupping your jaw tentatively as his eyes searched yours for the right way to articulate his feelings to you, “I had a drink or two to make this... easier to say. You know I’m not good with talking about feelings, which is why I’ve avoided you recently.”

“What do you mean?” your breathing was ragged under his touch. Was he saying what you thought he was right now?

“I’ve got feelings for you, Y/N. Feelings stronger than I’ve admitted to myself for a long time... Everyone else could see it. Even Haley saw it, as she loved to shove in my face when filing for divorce,” he pulled your face closer to his, his eyes flickering between yours and your lips, “And when you helped me through the divorce I was so grateful but... I got scared. I was scared to let you in and admit that I felt anything for you.”

“Aaron I’ve had feelings for you since the first moment we met,” you whispered softly, pressing a kiss to his thumb as it sat just at the corner of your mouth, “I was afraid I was pushing it and that you just didn’t feel the same.”

He shook his head, “Y/N you’ve been on my mind constantly. I’ve pushed the feelings away for too long and I could see you talking to the girls earlier, when I saw them after they made it quite clear what was being discussed so I... I knew I needed to bite the bullet.”

You drew in a sharp breath as he leaned in so that your foreheads were touching. You’d never quite seen Aaron this tender and gentle, even in his heartbroken state. Shivers flew up your spine and you fought the urge to kiss him for a few moments, but he didn’t give you any more of a chance as he captured your lips in his.

The kiss was soft and didn’t last long, but the passion and longing couldn’t have been more fiery. He drew back nervously, “Sorry. Was that okay?”

“More than okay, Aaron,” you assured him, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his lips to reassure him, “In fact, I’d quite like it if you kissed me again.”

He laughed a little, the corner of his mouth turning up in a small smile before he kissed you again. This time the kiss was deep, his tongue gliding along your bottom lip as you parted your lips quickly. Your hands flew around his neck as he pulled you onto his lap, panting.

When you pulled back, his brows furrowed, “I don’t want to rush this, sweetheart, but I’d like to give this a try, if that’s what you want. You and me.”

You grinned, beaming like the Cheshire Cat as he nervously looked at you.

“I’d love that, Aaron. More than anything,” your hands found the bottom of his hair, tugging slightly as you kissed him again, “You and me.”

“You and me.”

“Finally.”

Aaron didn’t leave your house that night and, for that entire weekend, it was hard to find a moment where you weren’t occupied with each other. 

After all this time, the man you’d been pining over really did feel the same.

And he more than made up for all the time spent waiting.

-----

thank u for reading! i hope this was okay... feel free to keep requests coming (especially criminal minds ones !!!) because i have so much free time to write rn hahahah <3 if you need ideas, here’s my prompt list & if you want to read more of my stuff -- here’s my masterlist!

[aenaxes]

OMG ok for the 200 follower celebration (based on your smoking post) PLZZZ write sharing a spice blunt with cross or any batcher of your choosing I would simply die 😩💅🏻❤️

vapor trails

[crosshair & hunter x f!reader] you don't really run with the fett twins' crowd, but you find yourself at one of their parties anyway (in reference to this post lol)

warnings: college!au, recreational drug use, suggestive themes, but consent is sexy & mandatory & sober babes

w/c: 3.8k

a/n: anon, you ask for one batcher, but why not two? thank you for enabling me nonnie & @mallr4ts lol (im so sorry to all the previous requests for the event, this one has just been needling in my brain all day and i had to get it out hsdfs)

event details here! requests are open until july 4th!

You don’t know much about the Fett twins.

They’re something like campus legends even though they’re only a year your senior and at the tail end of their fourth years. But as much as you’ve heard their names slung around in weekend plans and excited chatter, you’ve never once met them, much less seen them yourself. Between idling class whispers and dining hall conversations, all you can piece together from the rumors is that: one, they’re from a big family (you’ve heard anywhere from two to twelve other brothers, yikes); and two, as much as they work hard (because the venture capital and pre-professorial tracks seem rigorous enough), they play even harder.

It helps that they apparently own one of the biggest apartments off campus, one in which you find yourself hopelessly and miserably lost. And overdressed.

Great.

It hadn’t occurred to you that your roommate, who is nowhere to be seen, had been dressing up for her girlfriend, and that most people who had half a mind would wear something comfortable that could withstand a few spilled drinks and ash. So seeing the rest of the room in rumpled tees and sweats has you and your little black dress seeking out the nearest wall as you fiddle with your questionably sweet cup of margarita mixer.

You feel like a first year, and it sucks.

But for once, with everyone too busy mingling amongst themselves over the heavy thrum of some mumble rap beat, you manage to slip by unnoticed.

Every now and then, you dart your eyes around the ever shifting landscape of faces in the dim room, looking for even the vaguest familiarity that might let you feign being tipsy and join a group for the night. But every time you try, there’s no luck.

Fuck, you haven’t even seen anyone here before.

But there might be a god watching out for you yet when the crowd shifts just enough that you catch sight of the couch, and on it, someone you suspect to be one of the twins as he greets a few girls with a disinterested nod.

Emboldened, but mostly nervous that in the crowd of bodies and red solo cups you’re still helplessly alone, you push off the wall and squeeze past huddled cliques of conversation to make for the dark couch.

By the platinum bleached hair and big-name consulting group quarter zip, Crosshair—at least you think it’s him—lounges over the couch. He isn’t the only body on the suede seats, but he keeps to himself, his head dipped low as he works one hand over a small metal canister in his other palm.

If you weren’t having luck with the other nameless faces around you, maybe the Fett twin would keep you company—at least until your roommate came back to find you (if she did). And worst case, you’d just slink back to your dorm and mope until your roommate apologized to you with your favorite overpriced smoothie bowl the day after.

Mustering every ounce of courage you have, you plant your feet by the couch and finally speak.

"Is your name actually Crosshair?" you ask.

The man on the couch pauses, his motions stilling over the small metal cylinder in his palms, and he lifts his chin just enough to flick his eyes up towards the sound of your voice.

You always thought the girls in your droning 9AM gen-ed were wildly exaggerating his hype for their own devices, squealing over his (apparently) brooding charm and sharp looks to nip at his stash for free. But for all the vague haze surrounding your perception of the twins, you never thought that they were telling the truth.

If you had been in broad daylight under the incandescent glow of your creaky lecture hall lights, you might have called him cocky, almost haughty, how he meets you with an unreadable look for having interrupted him. But in the purple LEDs and heavy haze of vape juice and shitty tequila, he’s captivating, all dark eyes and perfectly lit skin, marked only by the needle-thin design tattooed over the right side of his face and a worn wooden toothpick bitten between his teeth.

You swallow down the dry lump in your throat when you catch him flick his eyes from your face, down the short length of your dress, and back up again.

"Smoke with me; maybe you'll find out," he drawls, toothpick bobbing as he speaks. He twists the cylinder once and offers you a wry smirk. And when you stay, speechless but there all the same, Crosshair scoots to the side and pats the narrow space between him and the couch arm, inviting you close.

"I've never smoked before," you admit a bit shyly as you drop down beside him. Your dress hikes up your thigh, and you shiver when your skin presses up against the soft denim of his jeans.

"Not even cigs?"

You shake your head. And you tell yourself that when he leans close and brushes his shoulder up against your arm, that he’s only doing it because someone’s boosted the bass, and you can’t hear him over the reverb.

"Well, good thing I'm here, yeah?"

He gives the metal canister a final twist and sets it down on the coffee table before you. Swapping the canister for a small brown sleeve, you watch in a daze as he pulls a semi-transparent leaflet from the folder and tears a strip of cardstock straight from its flap. He has pianist fingers, you think wistfully, neatly kept nails and slender grace, and you wonder if he’ll entertain you if you ask to compare your hand to his.

“What’s your name?”

You scrabble back to the present at the sound of his voice. “Uh, y/n,” you offer.

“Well, y/n,” he says with a soft laugh, having caught on to your daydreaming. “Step one, you fold your filter.”

You nod along absently as Crosshair artfully crimps the thick paper into a neat roll. As if there isn’t thirty-some odd people crammed into his apartment, he quietly takes you step by step, offering you the filter, the paper, then the contents of the canister (a grinder, he explains) like it’s a game of show and tell. But with every piece he places into your hands, you gravitate closer, closer, until you’re flush against his arm and practically hanging over his side to watch as he gently taps a line of bud over the paper.

“Here, let me give you a better look,” Crosshair says.

You expect him to bring the neat line of bud to you, but when nothing comes, you look up and find him waiting for you, one arm open in invitation as the other pats once on the dark denim of his thigh.

“Uh—”

“Sit,” he says as if you haven’t just met him fifteen minutes ago. “Front row seats if you want ‘em.”

On one hand, you barely know Crosshair outside of the rumors you hear on campus. On the other hand, he’s a genuinely pleasant person, careful to accommodate for your boundaries and offering a snide playfulness that’s banished your nerves from earlier in the night.

He’s also really fucking hot.

“Okay,” you murmur, and you let him wrap his arm around your waist and tug you onto his lap. And he’s right. Perched over his thighs, you see with perfect clarity (and without the strain in your neck) as he gently folds the paper over the mound of bud and carefully twists. It’s the prettiest joint you’ve ever seen—though it might be because it’s the only one you’ve seen.

"Final touch," Crosshair's voice rumbles over your back, shooting straight into your core as he lifts the paper's vellum edge to your lips. “Lick it for me.”

Since you sat down with him, you’ve only been the passenger, nodding along as Crosshair’s long, nimble fingers creased over filter paper and patiently pointed out things like the stray pistils in his baggie and the keef gathered at the bottom of his grinder for if you really want to get fucked up. And even though you aren’t doing much (because licking paper doesn’t really seem too crazy), it’s a step forward from the comfortable rhythm that had settled between you, and you twist around in his lap to shoot him an uncertain glance.

“Just,” Crosshair flicks his tongue over his lower lip, flashing a brief glimpse of a ball piercing towards your wide eyes. And if you weren’t so flustered, you might have recognized the coy playfulness in his gaze. “Give it a lick, right over the edge.”

“I—uh, what if I—” you stammer.

“You’re not gonna mess this up, darling,” Crosshair chuckles. If his hand squeezing brief over your waist wasn’t enough to bring heat searing over the tops of your ears, his next words, crooned low and breathy into your ear, certainly do. “You’re a smart girl. You can do it.”

"My brother giving you trouble?"

Another voice cuts through the din of the party, sparing you your stammering nerves as you whip your head up in its general direction. You’re greeted with the sight of his brother, peering down on you as he takes a sip from his cup.

“You’re such a killjoy,” Crosshair mutters, drawing his arm tighter around your waist as he jabs the half-rolled joint to where Hunter sprawls down onto the couch beside him. “No, I’m not being a creep. I’m teaching our pretty underclassman here how to roll.”

Oh.

Heat rushes over your cheeks, and you can’t decide whether you want to shrink into yourself or bask in it and beg for more.

He called you pretty.

“With her in your lap,” Hunter snorts into his cup.

“It was your idea to invite your entire fucking rugby team. Where else would we do it?”

“I’m so sorry he’s like this,” Hunter laughs, tilting his head and looking up at you through his (unfairly) long lashes. Where you thought Crosshair’s tattoo was bold, Hunter’s practically blows him out of the water, a well-worn swath of ink on the left half of his face, curving into neatly stylized teeth right at the edge of his lips. “I’m Hunter.”

Huh, maybe you do have a thing for tattoos.

“Y/n,” you squeak. “It’s, um—it’s nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, sweetheart,” he says as he offers you an easy smile. “Has my baby brother been treating you right?”

“God, two fucking minutes,” Crosshair snaps. You hear the embarrassment seeping from the vitriol, and it strikes you like a shot to the head that he’s trying to play cool in front of you. “I come out two minutes after you and—”

“We’re fraternal, and I got all the oxygen in the womb. Explains why he has awful people skills,” Hunter fake-whispers loud enough for Crosshair to hear, and you giggle as the other man groans from behind you.

“No, he’s been really nice,” you say softly once you realize that you’ve been laughing a little too loud. “He’s teaching me about weed.” It sounds juvenile when you say it, awkward and clumsy on your tongue. It’s a dead giveaway that has Hunter’s smile mellowing into something soft.

“Your first time?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, Cross here’s high as shit at least four hours every day. Says it helps him do the math. I hate to say it, but you’re in good hands.”

“You try running a nonlinear regression sober,” Crosshair snorts. “Anyways, we were just finishing up this joint before you decided to kill the vibe.”

Crosshair lifts the half-rolled joint back up to your chin, and this time, he leans forward and presses his chest close against your back as the playful snark leaves his tone, in its wake, something patient and calm as his voice rumbles by your ear.

“You gonna help me finish the job, sweet girl?”

You surprise yourself when the initial trepidation vanishes as you tip your chin down and stick out your tongue. Maybe you’re showboating now that you have an audience, feeling Hunter’s dark eyes on your lips when you touch the tip of your tongue out over the edge.

Whether it’s your lip gloss or the fine crumbs of bud stuck to the roll paper that fills your mouth with something earthy and sweet, you can’t say. All you know is they’re both following you with that intense intent, the bass and blend of voices faded out around you; just you in Crosshair’s lap and Hunter pretending to care about the drink in his hand as you lift your tongue off the far corner of the paper and close your lips.

“Good job,” Hunter muses, and you’re pretty certain he’s not talking about the joint when you feel his gaze boring into you alone.

The smell of smoke pulls you out of Hunter’s gravity, and you look back in front of you to see Crosshair snap a scuffed metal lighter shut and toss it onto the coffee table. He brings the joint back down in front of you, blowing a neat stream of whitish gray smoke past your ear.

“You know how to pull?” Crosshair asks, and his chin brushes over your bare shoulder as he speaks. He’s so close. You can smell the burn, acrid and sour, but it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t smell like some bubblegum vape when you feel his breaths curling over your skin. You just want more.

Mutely, you shake your head.

“Mm, you know how to shotgun?” Hunter offers, and you hear Crosshair huff laugher from behind you. “Might be easier for your first try.”

You shake your head again.

“It’s,” Hunter pauses, and his brows knit close as he thinks for a moment. “It’s kind of like a kiss. But not really. I take a hit and you catch my smoke. That sound okay?”

You don’t think it matters that someone’s hit shuffle on the playlist, filling the room with a hard electronic beat that might have otherwise drowned out all sound. All you hear is your heart pounding in your ears as you nod and watch Hunter lift the filter to his lips and inhale deep, then pass the joint back to Crosshair.

“C’mere,” he murmurs, white trails of smoke curling over his upper lip as he lifts one hand to cup over the base of your neck.

“Open,” Crosshair whispers.

Wordlessly, you obey. Your lips part just as Hunter pulls close, so close you feel the heat of his skin spreading warm over your cheeks, and blows a soft stream of bitter smoke into your mouth. It can’t be more than a few seconds, but all the while, you can’t seem to tear your eyes from his.

“Breathe in, deep,” you hear Crosshair instruct as he begins to rub one thumb over the curve of your hip.

The smoke is thick, sluicing down your throat and filling your lungs like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It’s not bad, just new, and pressed between the twins over the couch, you think it just might have been worth being ditched by your roommate earlier in the night. But your lungs ache, and you slowly exhale, watching as your vision fogs with a loose cloud of smoke until your chest feels clear again.

“And you didn’t even cough,” Hunter smiles. His calloused fingertips follow the slope of your neck, lingering one moment more before he pulls away. And you aren’t sure if the low buzzing in your fingertips is the weed or their combined warmth as Hunter rubs over your knee and Crosshair leans his head against your neck. “Good girl.”

“Wanna do it again,” you whisper as the buzz begins to crawl up your neck, fizzling around your temples as you lean your cheek over where Crosshair nuzzles into your shoulder.

“With him or me?” Crosshair murmurs, his lips brushing over your skin.

“You,” you say dreamily, and Hunter laughs, a sound that suddenly seems so far away as you tip your head and press close against Crosshair’s silver hair.

Crosshair leans into your touch, pressing his cheek up against your neck one last time before he’s lifting his head and bringing the joint to his lips. You hear the hiss of his inhale, smoke curling up through the narrow body of the joint as the charred end glows warm beside you.

And instead of Hunter’s approach, level with you, Crosshair looms above you, meeting your wide eyes with something of a fond smile. Dragging his hand up your chest, he follows the line of your neck and holds snug over your chin. He squeezes softly, and your jaw falls slack, lips parted in a soft ‘o’ as he dips low. He's closer than Hunter as you feel his mouth just brush over yours and breathe smoke over your tongue.

This time, it’s easier.

You swallow down the smoke and hold, just a beat longer than before. But both Crosshair and Hunter notice as your lips stay parted, and they share a soft laugh that has you exhaling smoke and pride all at once when you finally relax your diaphragm and breathe out.

“Fast learner,” Crosshair muses, nosing up under your jaw as you sink back against his chest.

You mumble incoherently, chasing his touch as the high creeps heavy and warm from your chest to your collar and settles at the back of your throat. It anchors you, molding you up against Crosshair who feels nothing short of perfect as he circles his arms loose over your waist.

You turn your head to thank Hunter when you distantly register him pressing a cool cup into your hand (water, you think you hear him say), but the words slip back down into your throat, your eyelids suddenly unbearably heavy and coarse over your blurry vision.

“You wanna lay down?” Hunter offers, and his voice comes to you like you’re underwater, warped and bubbling past the din of the party around you.

You're pretty sure you nod.

For a few moments, you catch traces of an unintelligible exchange between the twins, only aware of the rumble of Crosshair’s voice at your back, and then you’re being lifted up off the couch, the music and raucous laughter fading behind you.

A door opens, squeaking half-shut, and you wince as a light clicks on beside you. Whoever was carrying you sets you down on something soft and cool, and you sway as the light dims and you settle into your seat.

You’re on a bed, you think.

Crosshair’s, judging by the shock of light hair that you can make out through your lashes. He helps you into a worn tee that reaches past the short hem of your dress, and you wiggle into it with a soft whine, holding it tight.

But where you expect a familiar weight to dip down next to you and pull you close, your eyes fly open when you see his figure turn away from you and towards the neon lights of the party outside.

“You aren’t staying?” It's the most coherent you've been through your first high.

“Not tonight,” Crosshair says softly. He turns back towards you and reaches up to fix the strap of your dress as you sit on his bed. “Baby’s first tokes got you all dopey. Right now, what you need is this,” and he presses a plastic bottle of vitamin water he’s seemingly produced out of nowhere into your palm. “This,” he adds, pressing your phone into your other hand. “And a good night’s sleep.”

“And what if I say I need you, too?” you pout.

Some part of you—the conscious part locked away in the back of your skull—bangs up against the hazy high at the crown of your head because when you’re good and sober and when Crosshair inevitably turns you down, you won’t be able to look at yourself in the mirror for the next semester.

But he breaks into a smile that crinkles at the corners of his eyes before he leans down to press his lips to your forehead. It’s just a split-second of warm, chapstick-soft lips on your skin, but it floods you with an indescribable good from the top of your head all the way down to your toes.

And as high as you are right now, you have a hell of a hunch that the flutter in your chest is going to stay, even when the room stops wobbling around you.

“When you’re all sobered up in the morning, we’ll make you breakfast, and we’ll figure it out from there,” Crosshair says after he’s pulled back, reaching up to smooth his palm over your hair. “Sound like a plan?”

You nod, probably with a little too much enthusiasm, but you’re rewarded with another low chuckle that’s practically music to your ears. His hand gentle and firm over your shoulder, Crosshair guides you down onto the bed and pulls the covers up to your chin.

“Now text your roomie so she doesn’t call the cops on us, get some sleep, and drink all of that, okay?”

“Okay,” you respond.

“Good girl.”

And when the lights click out, you curl into Crosshair’s pillow, breathing in cold, fresh notes of his cologne, and then you’re asleep.

You climb out of bed the next morning, your minidress rumpled under a long shirt. It's not like a hangover, no, you just find yourself a bit lightheaded and throat parched, and the disorientation makes your head spin as you’re greeted with the smell of fresh coffee and something savory—

Your roommate doesn’t wake up earlier than you, and she can’t cook for shit. And why were your sheets grey? Whose shirt were you—

Oh.

Fuck.

You practically burst out of Crosshair’s bedroom, and you’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you hadn’t expected to see Hunter sipping mildly on a mug of coffee while Crosshair pushes something around in a pan over their kitchen range.

“Mornin,’” Hunter offers you a small wave, and reaches for a third mug on the countertop. “Wasn’t sure how you liked your coffee so we just made it black.”

“What happened last night?” you gasp. If you weren’t so panicked, you’re certain the sight of them sporting nothing but grey sweats would have been your only concern, but you’ve just woken up with foggy memories and the slimy dread of anxiety that follows a blackout night.

“Easy, easy,” Crosshair assures you as he steps away from the stovetop. “Nothing happened after we smoked. You took, like, two hits, and you were so hazy you couldn’t remember your dorm number, so we put you to bed, and I slept out in the living room. Fetts are wild but we’re not scumbags, promise.”

And judging from the throw blanket sliding off the edge of the couch cushions, you’re fairly certain you can believe him. Relief floods your chest.

“Oh thank God,” you sigh, and your shoulders sag as the weight of panic sloughs off your back.

They both laugh softly, the sudden tension lifting from the bright morning light, and you can’t help but join in. And when that rosy relief gives way to silence again, it’s Crosshair who speaks next.

“So, you staying for breakfast?”

“Can I borrow some actual clothes first?”

“Done deal.”

[duuhrayliegh]

watch your six - part three

go check out watch your six on my profile! *in the process of making a m.list*

pairing: eventual bucky x reader (its a slow burn babes)

warnings: trigger warning of sedation? it’s not a there for long though, also language and some creepy activity by gomez, i think that’s it, lmk if i missed something :)

a/n: heeeyy babes… ik i promised this a way long time ago, but it’s here now! i got way behind with my classwork and the freaking texas freeze week didn’t help at allll, it’s fine, i’m fine, it’s on fire but it’s fine. 

p.s.: our darling buck makes come in next upload :) stick with me, i promise i’m getting there. 

series m.list

ray’s m.list

**************************

“Alright ladies, listen up.” A tall woman with a short brunette bob commanded. “Our target is one Louis Richardson.” A picture flashed on a screen behind the tall woman. “Richardson is a prominent leader in the Svengali. He’s one of the higher ups so we cannot mess this up, girls.” There was a click and then another picture floated onto the screen.

“He’s going to be attending a gala next week. Our intel leads us to believe that the Svengali is going to conduct a trade of information from Richardson to a carrier.” She moved from one side of the room to the other, catching all of our eyes. I glanced around the room, searching for something familiar.

“Hey, you alright?” The girl to my left whispered to me. “Libra, stop drifting.” My head snapped to the girl. Gemini? Isn’t she dead? Wait, where am I?

“Gemini! Libra! Have something you would like to share with the group?” The tall women challenged, we looked at each other and shook our heads, remaining quiet. “Alright, so we’re going to be sending quite a few of you in on this one. Leo, Virgo, and Scorpio you’re going to be on the gala floor. Mingling with guests and keeping the public under control. We don’t want this breaking out into a whole scandal, do we?” The heads of the women in front of me bobbed back and forth as a response of no. The tall woman proceeded to give out tasks.

“Libra, Gemini, Cancer, Taurus and Aries. You are Plan B. If this should go south, we have intelligence that gives us an idea on where one of the Svengali safe houses is located. The five of you will be laying in wait. Your mission, should it be needed, is strictly reconnaissance. You are under no circumstances to engage the target in anyway, do you understand?” We nodded and then the room was silent. The tall woman took a deep breath, leaned forward against one of the desks at the front.

“This is a very sensitive mission that they are trusting us to handle. We will do so much better than anyone else could.” She stood to her full height, “You all have your assignments, this is all going down next week. Be ready, ladies.” She bobbed her head and sent us on our way. Picking up the folder in front of me, I turned to Gemini.

“Can you believe that they gave us this assignment, Gem?” My mouth moved, but I had no control over it. What the hell is happening? Gemini laughed at me and clutched her own folder to her chest.

“Will you chill out, Libra? It’s just recon. It’s really not that big of a deal.” I stopped and gawked at her then heaved out a cackle. She walked ahead of me, shaking her head at my reaction.

“Not that big of a deal for you maybe.” I puffed out my chest, “It’s my first mission, remember?” My chest deflated and anxiety began to set in. “Oh my god, it’s my first mission.” Gemini turned to look at me with raised brows.

“Yeah, so?” She breathed a laugh, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Libby.” She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me along to our shared quarters. “Just remember to stay out of your head and get it done. You’ll be fine.” She giggled as she released her hold on me and plopped onto her bed. “Everything’s going to be a-okay, Libby.” I smiled at the nickname.

“You’re right, Gem. Let’s crush this mission.” I walked over to her bed and swatted her side, “Scoot over, you cow!” I grunted as I shoved her. She gasped, then after relenting she laughed as I landed face first into the mattress. We both melted into puddles of laughter and I felt a slow smile spread across my face.

“She’s smiling. Why is she doing that?” A rougher voice left Gemini’s mouth. I giggled and looked over at her.

“What did you say?”

“Gomez, if she’s smiling that means she’s happy.” Gemini’s mouth moved, but yet again it wasn’t her voice. I know that voice, where do I know that voice from? I lurched from my spot on the bed and glared at Gemini.

“What did you shove me off the bed for?” I questioned Gemini incredulously. Another jolt of energy bounced me on the ground. What is happening? My head hit the side of something hard, something that allowed enough spring that my head rebounded back into it again. I released a groan of pain and went to clutch the area. When I tried to raise one arm, but they were clasped together behind my back. Opening my eyes, blurry images roamed in front of me.

“Oh, she’s waking up.”

“Yes, that is right on time.”

“Waking up? We haven’t gotten to the rendezvous point yet.”

“Well with the dosage I administered, she should be coming out of it right about now.”

“Then up the dosage, Doc. I’m not about to deal with another whiner for the rest of this trip.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You what?” There was a run of indistinct murmurs exchanged between the two voices. My vision began to clear up. I cleared my throat, wincing at the pain when I coughed. Blinking rapidly, I tried to get my bearings. I was sat in the middle of the Doctor and Gomez, shoulders making contact with the both of them. My eyes roaming still, I landed on Gomez’s now bandaged cheek. I smirked and then huffed a laugh.

He glared at me, “You laughing at something, little girl?” I leaned away from him.

“Honestly, laughing at the fact that I was able to hurt you.” Speaking through the gag in my mouth. The speech was so muffled but the effect was there. Gomez didn’t break eye contact with me as he leaned in.

“Better watch what you say around me.” He threatened, “Someone might think you aren’t just a scared puppy.” I glared at the man, nostrils flaring in anger. I should head-butt him. Contemplating my next move, my eyes flicked across his face. He intimidated me, but I couldn’t let him know that.

“Gomez, what the hell are you doing?” Suits asked from the front passenger seat. Gomez’s eyeline never left mine as he answered.

“Just letting the little girl know her place.” Mass scoffed from the driver’s seat and my gaze darted to the rearview mirror. Waiting with bated breath as to what he was going to say. Nothing, he said nothing. Although Mass didn’t really need to say anything. He looked at Gomez with disgust and then rolled his eyes.

“You got a problem, big guy?” Gomez pushed. Suits grumbled, turning to look at Gomez.

“Just shut up, Gomez. You can use your immature intimidation tactics there. Just not in the car. You’re annoying the rest of us.” I had to stifle a laugh, which isn’t hard when you’re gagged. “Give the girl another dose, Doc.”

“Already on it.” Not having been paying attention to the doctor was a mistake. In the time that I was dealing with Gomez, the Doc began assembling and filling another syringe. The prick in my neck alerted me that it was too late. I slumped in my seat, lids drooping again. “It’ll be quicker this time, but the effect will last for a longer time.” I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or to Suits. It didn’t matter at that point, I was gone.

Cold, brisk air glazed over my skin, snapping me to attention. The quick jerking motion caused an ache in my stiff, restrained muscles. I groaned which slowly morphed into a scream. “Help! Someone help me!” I screamed until my throat sore again. Raspy shouts left my vocal chords, but that didn’t stop me. Wobbling around in the chair in an attempt to loosen the binds around my body. “Let me out of here! You have no right to shut me in here!” I didn't sound like myself, my voice was so gravelly. I jumped away from the right side of the room when a rush of air burst into the room.

Suits walked in and tossed a manila folder onto the stainless countertop. He pulled the chair out from the other side of the table and sat with a sigh. As he relaxed back into the chair, he stared at my face before flipping open the folder. Thumbing through the pages, he glanced up at me every now and again. What the hell is he doing? What’s in that folder?

“Did you bring me here to kill me?” I inquired cautiously. There was a pause as my question hung in the air and then a short snort of a laugh.

“Now, why would I want that?” My nostrils flared and my pulse quickened. Suits smirked at me and leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table in front of him. He glanced back down to the open folder before him. “How many missions did you participate in?” My heart stopped, what the hell is he talking about? Does he know about my dreams?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My voice wavered, it wasn’t a lie necessarily.

“I think you do and I don’t take too kindly to people who lie to me.”

“Well then we don’t have a problem because I’m not lying.” I wasn’t really, at least I don’t think it was. Suits chuckled, it was humorless, almost sarcastic.

“I’ll ask you one more time. How many missions did they send you on?” There was anger layering his words.

“I already told you,” I said exasperated. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Now let me go.” Suits snickered.

“Alright, fine then.” Suits left the room. The LED lights illuminating the room cut out as soon as the door closed. I shivered in anticipation, trying to figure out what was happening. The temperature seemed to drop as my anxiety increased. My head fell forwards to rest my chin against my chest, deep breaths causing my whole body to rise and fall in time. I don’t know how long they left me there. Time seemed to crawl, mocking me as it slunked by on its wheel. I desperately wanted to rack my fingers through my hair and pull until this whole situation made sense. My brain felt fried and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Lifting my head I became aware of the sore crick at the base of it. I sighed heavily, how am I  going to get out of this one? As far back as I can remember, I haven’t done anything to anyone. No instances came to mind that would give someone, much less the government, to come kidnap me and chain me to a chair.

The door swung open and banged against the white wall. A surly, imposing man stared at me with an intimidating expression on his face. The lower half of his face was covered in a layer of stubble, thick, sculpted eyebrows gave way to deep honey eyes. Who the hell is this guy? He stalked around the table and the chair that I was confined to. My head jerked to follow his movements, I didn’t catch a good vibe from this one. Have I gotten a good vibe from anyone recently, though? I mean Suits wasn’t terrible, but he did kidnap me. I was rushed back to reality by the brush of the man’s hand through my hair, sweeping it off my shoulder. Without moving, I glared at the man through my lashes.

“What the hell do you think that you’re doing?”

“I’m here to ask you a couple questions.” He announced, his voice filling the room. My shoulders drooped, this is going to be a long day.

*********************

[jangmi-latte]

Hello! Is it ok to request a idia shroud x reader fluff? 👉🏻👈🏻 I read a lot of your stuff and I love them :3 your a very talented story writer! Thank you so much! 🙌🏻

❞ 𝐂𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞...❝

࿐. . . IDIA SHROUD (ft. Ortho Shroud)

➻ content: bagels and coffee!

➻ warnings: too sweet

➻ comments: *sprinkles extra diabetes* you want it soft and fluffy, my darling customer? you get a very fluffy pastry. also, it might cause diabetes so eat responsibly. thank you for compliment too~

“Hi, y/n!”

You grinned and gave the younger Shroud a wave. It was the weekend, no school meant you have time to finally hang out with your boyfriend. You had just entered the dormitory and Ortho was walking around the area, probably doing research and investigating like he always does, “Ortho,” you greeted back as the boy approached you, “Brother is in his room. You can just head in since he wouldn’t hear you over his headphones. I tried teling him to meet you on his own but.. ” he scratched his head making you let out a small laugh, "It's fine Ortho, I'll see my way to it."

Once Ortho left, you sighed, of course Idia would we playing his games again. Not like you minded, it makes it easier for you to know where the anti-social prefect was.

You went to his room and upon entering, you saw your boyfriend on his desk and playing the game he's been working hard on for the past few days. Closing the door, you walked over to the male, thinking whether or not to bother him but obviously, you were touch starved and your body moved before your brain could. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, giving him a fright as he reflexively paused his game. Probably gamer reflexes.

He snapped his head over his shoulder, upon realizing it's you, he relaxed, "I'm sorry," you giggled and gave his cheek a small peck, "Didn't mean to frighten you," you continued while Idia removed his headphones, "It's fine..." he mumbled.

The male's cheek turned a bright red as he span his chair around, "It was an easy level anyways," he shrugged it off while you took a seat on the chair beside him, "Can I watch you play then?" you offered in which made Idia's eyebrows raise. You? Want to watch him play? In all honesty he was grateful that you would take interest in something he likes. He barely shares his interest to others and knowing his own girlfriend would make effort to know what he likes made him genuinely happy.

"If you want to," he said, a ghost smile on his face as he handed you another pair of headphones.

You sent him a sweet smile, making him flustered, and wore the headphones. You look adorable.

"What the..." you trailed off the moment Idia began playing again. Your eyes going around as you focused on the character Idia was controlling, "How is that easy?!" you exclaimed. Ah, you have awakened Idia's confidence.

Idia had a small smirk on his face as his fingers effortlessly moved along the keyboard. The sounds bouncing through the headphones giving you goosebumps as you couldn't take your eyes off the screen. Upon a few minutes, Idia won. You looked at the screen baffled before it went back to the game's map level. He was already at level 162.

"What?" Idia innocently asked though a grin had already made its way to his face, "Teach me."

"Huh?!"

"I want to learn how you did that! Teach me how!"

Idia blinked once, then twice, before looking back at the screen, "This game is hard though." "I don't care. I want to be as good as you."

How you have stolen Idia's heart all over again. Complying, the prefect nodded and moved a little to give you more space to the keyboard. He set a new folder before cracking his stiff fingers, "Your main controls are WASD for movement, J for counter attack, G for dodge, and..." he continued on and on as you listened closely.

Okay maybe this game is hard after all and Idia was talking quite fast. He was excited indeed and nonetheless you were more than happy to see his, usually dull, eyes shine. Maybe after this he has someone to play with! Your fingers stayed on the keys he had mentioned, you asking questions for clarification before nodding, "Okay I'm ready," you said. Your eyes held determination, Idia found it cute.

A smile graced on his lips before he clicked level one. A small screenplay introduction before the battle began. Idia kept an eye both on you and the game and honestly, he was....cringing. You would accidentally, or intetionally, click the wrong keys, making your character be more vulnerable to the enemy's attacks. You easily lost and you were left baffled. He wasn't joking when he said it was hard now, was it?

That's when he noticed, your fingers kept leaving some of the keys. You aren't even relaxed, you were stiff though the way you face would scrunch and pout was a sight Idia would love seeing. Why?

"You have small fingers," Idia mumbled once the game was over and you looked at him surprised. The male took a moment to realize what he had said before spinning his chair around and covering his face, "I didn't mean to say that!" he yelled embrassingly. If he sees you as someone adorable then he was no exception in your eyes.

"Aw," you cooed and kicked his chair back to face you then pulling his hands away, "Was that a disadvantage when playing this game?" you pouted and held his hands. Ah why do you have to be another one of his weakness?

"Maybe... you did suck...."

"Alright I know I'm not good with games. But at least I have you to teach me!"

"You really want to learn?"

"Of course I do! I am determined to defeat that stupid monster."

Idia was thrilled. His bigger hands held yours gently as he looked down, your hands were cute. He liked the way they would frantically move on the keys since your fingers couldn't stretch that far, "How about we start with easier games first? " he pulled on your fingers like he was making them grow longer. You may not be good at games but you are a great girlfriend. Quite the sight to see you having fun with the things he loves doing the most.

"You got it. Maybe someday I can defeat you!" you stuck your tongue out. Idia arched an eyebrow and sent you a grin, "Are you doubting my skills?"

Meanwhile, Ortho took a peek inside his brother's room, a smile making its way to his face as he admired the sight before him. His brother finally has someone to be with and maybe help him enjoy the outside world. He adored you as his big sister now. You were perfect for Idia.

The sight of your and his brother's happiness was a cynosure indeed.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Omertà👄12

Warnings: noncon sexual acts; tags to be added throughout series

This is dark!Bucky and dark! Loki and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your father was a bookie and taught you everything you know about numbers. After his death, you were taken on as a bookkeeper for Loki Laufeyson, resident crime boss in Manhattan. But can you keep your place in the background when a man from Brooklyn threatens to drag you to the forefront?

Note: Chapter 12!? I didn’t think I could get through it but I did. God, these men are driving me mad.

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

Your meeting ended. At last. Bucky’s hand kept straying to your knee and each time you scraped your chair away, he inched closer. You ignored him for the ledger but he didn’t relent until you had thoroughly reviewed every digit.

You stood and Bucky did too. Steve yawned as he pushed himself from the stiff armchair and adjusted the belt of his pants. You collected the ledger and your purse. You flitted to the door as the latter neared and whispered to Bucky. They laughed and you hurried through the open door.

“I’m sure Loki has a lot to figure out and we’ll be on our way back soon enough. It’s a long ride.” 

You went to the next door but were stopped by a hand on your arm. Bucky turned you to face him.

“Doesn’t sound like a fun ride, though,” He winked and you wriggled away from him. “I need a word with the boss before you head out.”

He reached past you and turned the handle. You almost tripped as you moved out of his way and he entered without pause. You spun and followed him, barely slipping between him and Steve as the henchman kept close behind. Loki’s voice died and he stood from his desk as he hung up his phone.

“Hello?” He greeted tersely.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Bucky tucked a hand in his pants pocket. “We just finished up and I didn’t want to waste any more of your time. I know you’ll be heading out soon and all that.”

“Hmm?” Loki lifted a brow dryly and straightened his jacket.

“Me and Steve are gonna stay and keep cleaning up around this place. My crew will be here tomorrow to start clearing out most of it.” Bucky pulled his hand from his pocket, a black rectangle in his hand. “I think it might be easier if you packed a bag… stayed in town tomorrow.”

Loki stared as Bucky offered one of the tiny black folders. Bucky shrugged and neared to tuck it in Loki’s front pocket before he patted it. He then turned to you and handed you the other.

“The rooms are all taken care of for the month,” He explained as you carefully opened the small black folder to reveal a key card. “I just figured it would save you time and gas. You’re no doubt antsy to be out of here as soon as you can.”

Loki sighed as his tongue poked his upper lip. He rubbed his long nose and glanced at you.

“I suppose you’re right,” He ceded. “Your hospitality is admirable… and appreciated.”

“Not at all,” Bucky gave a crooked grin. “We should really start working together, don’t you think? This place could be a goldmine with the two of us in charge.”

Loki squinted. “Certainly.”

“Well, don’t let me keep you any longer,” Bucky backed away to the door as Steve hovered on the other side of the frame. “I’d be all too happy to go back to the city…” He paused and peeked over at you. “And unwind.”

“Hmm,” Loki checked his watch. “Yes.”

Bucky tapped the door frame before he left. You let out a long breath and rested the ledger against your hip.

“How was the meeting?” Loki asked as their footsteps faded away.

“A meeting. You’re not going to like the numbers.” You warned.

“I’m not so worried about those,” Loki’s eyes lingered in the doorway. “Did he… do anything?”

“Nothing unusual. Boasting, mostly.” You replied.

“And you? What did you do?” He challenged.

“My job,” You hissed.

“Your job,” He mused as he strode closer. “Always so diligent. Well, let me tell you what your job will be tonight. You will have thirty minutes to pack for tomorrow’s return and then you will come to mine and help me pack.” He preened and smirked down at you. “And then we will ‘unwind’ as he so eloquently put it.”

You blinked as your cheek twitched. You nodded and turned away from him. You looked down at the little folder in your hand. You should be thankful that Bucky got you your own room but you suspected it was more for his good than yours. And a plastic card wouldn’t keep either of them away from you.

👄

Your night went as expected. Loki was angry and didn’t withhold his temper. The prospect of a new venture with Bucky embittered his already caustic demeanour. And the thought of a whole month in Atlantic City with the man barely helped. Either of you. 

You dreaded whatever ploy this was as you slumped in the car seat and Loki drove. The occasional grumble of displeasure wisped from his lips. Thor was to meet him at the casino later that day. Lopez would oversee the antique store as the rest of Loki’s business was overseen by a man called Heimdall who had flown overnight from London to do the older brother a favour.

You pulled up to the casino before noon and yawned. You grabbed your leather tote, the ledger stuffed inside, and followed Loki across the pavement. The doors were propped open and men in dusty jeans and canvas overalls passed in and out. The days work was already underway and you doubted it would be done before sundown.

You heard a familiar voice booming from inside. As you entered, you were stunned as the now bare windows lit the immense space of the foyer. You shield your eyes as a particular slat of sunshine made you teary. A figure approached from your left as Bucky ceased his demands and appeared before you and Loki.

“You made good time,” Bucky clapped Loki’s shoulder. “I hope you had a restful night.”

“Mmm,” Loki rolled his eyes and peered around. 

“Your contractor is around here somewhere,” Bucky looked at the men as they went about their work. “I think he was having a look at the east staircase.”

“Darby?” Loki uttered. “Well, he should be able to take care of himself well enough.”

“Better roll up those sleeves,” Bucky nudged him as he turned to stand beside him. He admired the storm around him. “We’re all hands on deck today… except you, sweetheart. We got you a nice little space upstairs where you won’t be disturbed.”

He looked around Loki and winked. Loki’s lips curled and he shook his head.

“I can help too,” You insisted. “No sense in sitting around while you all--”

“In those heels. In that dress,” Bucky scoffed. “These men don’t need a distraction.”

“Excuse me--”

“Anyways, there is one thing you need to do,” Bucky continued on as Loki’s hand strayed to your lower back and he stepped closer to you. “You’ll need a desk. There was one up there but uh, not very stable. We trashed it last night.”

“A desk?” You crossed your arms. “I can make do with a table. Or my lap.”

“Nah,” He waved away your protest then signaled across the foyer. “I’ll have Steve take you around. The office is all cleaned up for ya, just needs a lady’s touch so while you’re out, grab whatever else you need.”

“This is really not--”

“It’s almost noon,” Bucky announced as Steve approached. “More than enough time for you two.” He looked to his henchman and grinned. “You good to take her now?”

Steve dusted off his palms and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. His shirt sleeves were pushed halfway up his forearms and a tail had come untucked.

“Let me just find my jacket,” Steve winked at you. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“Take care of the desk,” Bucky jabbed Steve’s chest. “Oh, and don’t forget a chair. Can’t have her sitting on a stack of rubble.”

“Course, boss,” Steve smirked. “Think I can handle a shopping trip.”

“Think you can?” Bucky mocked as he turned back to Loki. “Right, we should go find this Darby guy.”

“In a moment,” Loki frowned. “I just need a word with my bookkeeper.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll cover the desk and the like,” Bucky assured as Loki began to usher you aside.

“It’s not a worry,” Loki sneered. “We do have other business.”

Loki grabbed your upper arm and your heels scuffed across the floor as he urged you away from the two men. His jaw ticked as he glanced out the double doors.

“I hope Thor arrives soon. Always late.” He muttered before he cleared his throat. “Darling, you behave.” He felt around and reached into his jacket. He flipped out his wallet and plucked a black card from its folds. “Spend what you must. I’ll not have this man acting benefactor.”

“Um, okay,” You took the card hesitantly. “Loki, I--”

“I am not stupid. I see what he is doing. Him and that drone of his,” Loki growled. “Keep your eye on that oaf.”

You covered the card with your hand and chewed your lip. It would’ve been funny to see Loki so perturbed in any other circumstance, but you suspected you were as much the butt of the joke as him.

👄

If you thought the car ride with Loki the day before was awkward, the one with Steve was grueling and suffocating. You sat in the passenger seat of the flashy sports car and picked at the leather along the door handle. His hand rested on the stick even when he wasn’t changing gears, his fingers tapped on the bulbous head as you felt him peeking at you in the rear view.

“You know,” He finally broke the silence which had thickened after he asked where he was going and you shrugged. “Every time I see you, I just can’t help but think of that day.”

You crossed your arms and went rigid in the seat. You bit the inside of your lip and glared out the window without a word.

“I’m sure you’re wondering which one? The club or the shop?” Steve taunted. “And I really can’t decide if I prefer your ass or your mouth.”

“Would you shut up?” You spat as you finally looked at him.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t ignore this tension between us.”

“Oh, do you mean the sheer hatred or the pure revulsion?” You challenged.

“Don’t act all innocent, honey,” He pushed his shoulders back as he steered with one arm and his other hand gripped the stick. “We both know what-- who you did.”

“The worst thing about you men is you don’t seem to understand the concept of silence,” You hissed. “Or many things, to be fair.”

He pulled into a lot and snarled. He pulled into a spot and the car jolted to a stop. He put the car in park and looked at you.

“Actually, I can think of several ways to keep you quiet,” He snickered. “One I already know to be effective.”

Your nostrils flared and you glanced past him to the plaza. You swallowed and reached for your door handle. He hit the locks and the door clicked loudly. You fell back against your seat and crossed your arms.

“Steve,” You huffed. “We’re here to find a desk.”

“We got time.”

“No,” You pressed yourself to the door and avoided looking at him. “Just let me out.”

He killed the engine and the keys jangled loudly before they were muffled behind fabric. His large hand stretched over your thigh and he rubbed you through your skirt. You drew away and crossed your leg over the other. 

His fingers crept up to the waist of your skirt and he picked at it cloyingly. He leaned across the middle of the car and his warm breath singed your cheek.

“Well, come on then,” The doors unlocked loudly. “Let’s go find that desk.”

👄

The furniture store was almost maze-like. The imported furniture was set out in winding pathways and arranged in carefully plotted scenes. Each piece was unique and every single one was expensive. Steve followed closely as you strolled along, pausing to look closer at a mother of pearl vase or a novelty pen cup.

The selection had yet to intrigue you. It didn’t matter anyway. You didn’t really care what your desk looked like. When all was said and done, you’d be back in New York at the tiny one nestled in the back of The Attic. 

You stopped before a display with a zebra print rug rolled out beneath a marbled black desk. The golden legs spiraled up to support the thick top and an array of paperweights and stationary was laid out across it.

You hated it but you didn’t mind the chair behind it. The dark suede looked comfortable; a lush purple cushiony hug. You stepped closer and picked up the golden pen propped up in an empty inkwell. You twirled it and tilted your head at the bookshelves on either side of the display. Those would actually be useful.

As you set the pen back, you sensed something behind you. Steve’s hands brushed along your waist as he pressed himself against you. He gripped your shoulders and inhaled the scent of your hair.

“This would be nice,” He remarked. “Sturdy.”

He reached down with one hand and touched the desktop.

“Just bend you over a little,” He pushed on your shoulder and you caught yourself against the desk. Your arms trembled as he tried to force you down. He rubbed his crotch against you. “Or maybe you could crawl underneath and--”

“Steve, what the fuck?” You struggled against him. “Someone will see.”

“So,” His hand left the desk and ran over your stomach. “Not our problem.”

“Stop,” You caught his hand before he reached your chest. “I mean it. I doubt Bucky--” You turned with effort and shoved him away. He barely flinched. “Sent you to fondle me.”

“You don’t think so?” He grinned.

“What the fuck does that mean?” You felt behind you and grabbed the pen from the inkwell, tipping the little golden cube over.

“It means I can do whatever I want and the boss will pat me on the back,” He stepped closer.

“You do,” You brought the pen around and pointed the sharp nib at his throat. “And I’ll make sure you never touch anyone again.”

He blinked then tilted his head. His eyes drifted down to the pen and he chuckled. He raised his hands and backed away.

“You’re cute,” He said as he tucked his hands in his pockets. “Come on, let’s find you a fucking desk.”

[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Twenty

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Dear Inej,

Thank you for always being so nice to me even if I didn’t do much to deserve it. Thank you especially for the nice, warm clothes and the good soup. My Aunt Millie makes good soup, too, but it’s not as good as yours. But that’s okay. I think I’m going to like Leflin anyway.  

Thank you for all you’ve done for kids like me. I think there are lots of us who would try harder to do the right thing if there were more people like you.

I hope Mr. Brekker feels better soon.

Love,

Artie  

---------------------------------------------------------------------

(Marked at the top: “Jesper: Please read to Wylan”)

Dear Wylan,

I’ve had some time to think and look back on the events of the last month or so, and I began to feel like something was strangely out of balance. It took awhile to recognize what it was – perhaps someone a little kinder might have realized it sooner. It was this: you have not been given enough credit.  

Don’t let Jesper not read this bit to you. His ego can handle a few minutes on the sidelines. Wylan, I think it might have actually been you who saved my life.  

I’ve heard every angle, and I’ve pieced together the whole scenario. I’ve well-aware that it was a collaborative effort to haul me out of Ketterdam for treatment. But it was you who was stuck with the perhaps insurmountable task of keeping me sane.

(And Ambroos, too. Let’s be honest: he did most of the work.)

So, I thought you should know that I saw it and I won’t forget it. I won’t forget that when I was half-awake and confused and disoriented, it was you who kept reminding me where we were. I won’t forget that when none of my limbs were working quite right, you were the one assuming the unfortunate responsibility of helping me drink. You were the one walking the ward with me. You were the one playing along with endless card tricks. You were the one trying to get me to laugh when the aggravation and the frustration started to swallow me whole.  

You’re a good man, Wylan Van Eck, and an even better friend. One of the best. You have been fearless and determined and self-sacrificing, and for all that and more, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  

Sincerely,

K. Brekker

(an addition at the bottom)

No. Still too sentimental. DISCARD.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(in the folder marked: “Nina”)

Dear Nina,  

I’m writing you today from outside a little café in Shriftport, and I’m realizing I had the opportunity to give you all of my letters and I FORGOT. Honestly, how are we so bad at this? Of course, we were all a little preoccupied, what with the jailbreak and the escape and the chaos of locating Artie while outrunning Stadwatch, and then gorging ourselves on inordinate amounts of award-winning cake. BUT STILL. I hate to think you might be thinking that I’m not writing you. I am writing you everything.

Now that we are in Shriftport, I’ve paid to have The Wraith dry-docked for maintenance for the next couple of months, and the crew has been given pay and leave to explore Novyi Zem to their hearts’ content. Kaz and I are about to embark on the same; although, we’ve been saying this for about three days now and haven’t made it out of the city limits. There’s just a lot of sleeping and eating to be done first. I think all the excitement finally caught up to us, and, Nina, I am exhausted. And because of that, there’s not been much of a plan formed, but for once, I think that’s okay. And I think Kaz agrees. We know it may be a couple months until all the buzz dies down in Ketterdam and it’s safe to dock again. Not much to do until then.

Right now, we are taking each day as it comes. He is alive and recovering, and that is all that I need for now. We’ve been staying in a little room at an inn that overlooks the port. Whenever I fall asleep, it’s to the sound of the gentle tides and far off seagulls. And Kaz’s heartbeat. I haven’t quite shaken what it was like to count them in the dark and worry that each one could be the last. I suppose, as with all things, that fear will pass with time. (And, if I’ve I started to get too worried, at least he still grinds his teeth.)

So, for now, I’m going to eat my weight in sweet rolls. We’re going to take some long, slow walks through town. I’m going to hold his hand, and I’m going to imagine we have all the time in the world. I’m going to make the most of what we do have.  

As I will with you, darling Nina, when you’re back in Ketterdam again.

All my love,

Inej  

---------------------------------------------------------------

My darling Kaz, treasure of my heart,

Will you still write me letters sometimes? I’m starting to miss them.

Love,

Inej  

-------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest, weirdest Inej,  

I am literally two feet next to you.

- Kaz  

----------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest and nearest Kaz,

But I miss them. You have a way with words on paper that I hold very dear. At least write to me what you’re thinking right now.

Love,

Inej  

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My captain, my queen, my Saint,

Whatever you require. I am yours to command.

I am thinking of Ambroos, and how I wish I could write him a letter. I’m also thinking we ought to find a shadier spot on this beach, unless you’d like to see me fry.  

Signed,

The very pale fellow on your left  

--------------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest pale fellow,

How about now? Are you still thinking of Ambroos now?  

Yours,

Inej

(in Kaz’s handwriting)

No.

(in Inej’s handwriting)

Tell me what you are thinking now.

No. Write it down.

Write it down so I can read it again when this is over.

My dearest Inej,  

So, you require a bit of prose for posterity. You want to remember this day, this moment, and I can’t fault you for that. It’s a nearly perfect one. For you, I will attempt to make it memorable.

What am I thinking right now, you’ve asked? Surprisingly, not much. It’s a welcome reprieve, believe me. At present, I am taken by the sea breeze in your hair. I’m mad for how it spreads out around you when you’re in the sand. I’m thinking about wrapping my fingers in it, maybe tugging it while I kiss you, but I’m also thinking there are quite a few people around, and maybe you wouldn’t like that so much. Maybe later.

I am thinking about what you’ve written here – about wanting something to read when this is over, and I think I haven’t made myself clear. I intend to make this a habit, Inej, as long as you will. Facing down death always does have a way of clarifying things. I know you have the same sense of duty to the sea as I feel toward Ketterdam, but that hardly means this is something we should only do once. Don’t you agree? Isn’t that what you what you wrote to me of, that long night in the warehouse district – a chance to try to rethink the life we’re each leading?

I don’t really know what I’m proposing, if I’m being honest. More, I suppose? That sounds about right. That sounds like me. More of you. More of us. Whatever that looks like. More of me at sea? More of you in Ketterdam? Some complicated combination of both? Logistical nightmares don’t scare me; you should know that by now. If there is a deal to strike here, then I’m open for negotiation.  

Though if we’re really shedding the armor, Inej, I’ll put all my cards on the table. This is all I’ve ever wanted. Just you. Just this.  

So, name your terms. My heart is already yours. It has always been yours.

Kaz  

(in Inej’s handwriting)

Prepare yourself. I’m about to kiss you in front of all these people.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

(accompanying a small bouquet of dried geraniums)

Good morning, Mrs. Brekker,  

I stepped out to hunt down an acceptable breakfast. Don’t get up. I’ll be back with sweet rolls in 10 minutes.

And, for gods' sake, don't get dressed.

Yours,

Kaz

THE END

[bluesfortheredj]

Hitsuzen.

Hitsuzen - A naturally foreordained event. A state in which other outcomes are impossible.

Chapter 11.

A/N: The final part of Hitsuzen... finally. 

“Oh… hey,” you smile sleepily; waking at the tender touch of his hand, “are you alright?”

He smiles softly, “I’m fine. How are you feeling?”

“Better,” you nod, breaking out into a yawn at the end of the word, “where’s Evie?”

“She’s downstairs, hyper on chocolate cake and playing with Betty,” he pauses before he chuckles lightly when he remembers the slew of questions aimed at him when he entered the house, “she, uh,  she gave me a quick interrogation when I came in just now… she may be small but my goodness is she powerful. Made a grown man shake in his shoes!”

“Oh god,” you sigh as you cover your eyes with your palms, “what did she say?”

“Well, she started off with ‘do you love mummy?’ then finished off with ‘can you be my new daddy?’ I mean, I’ve got to give it to her, she knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to ask for it!”

“Oh god,” you groan, “I didn’t think she’d ask you that!”

“It’s okay,” he laughs, “honestly, it was interesting to be on the other side of an interrogation for once!”

“I’m so sorry. She spoke bout this the other day; asking if you’d be her other daddy. I never thought she’d actually ask you outright. I’ll have a word with her,” you sigh.

“Seriously, it’s fine,” he insists, “it’s quite an inviting prospect, I can’t lie. She’s a great kid.”

You slip your hands away from your eyes to take a look at him and you sit up against the headboard as his words sink in, “Charlie… I…”

“Mummy!” Evie interrupts as she bursts into the room, “are you feeling better? Is Charlie staying? Do you love him? I love him.”

“Wow!” you laugh, “you are hyper!”

She jumps up onto the bed between you and Charlie then lays her head on your lap while she sticks her feet out to rest on Charlie’s thighs, “can we go home? Can Charlie come? Sleepover?”

You stroke the hair back from her upside down face and wobble her little cheeks to make her laugh, “someone needs to have a nap because they’re talking crazy!” you chuckle, “and these cheeks are crazy cute, I could just eat them all up.”

Evelyn laughs loudly as you bend over and nibble at her face playfully as you make chomping noises, and Charlie can only sit there in a captivated trance at watching the two of you interacting. He finds himself unable to wipe the smile from his face as you continue to make Evie laugh so innocently despite everything that had happened during her so far short life, and though it wasn’t his place to do so right now, he wished that he could gather the two of you in his arms in a loving embrace. You look up at Charlie for a moment and notice the wistful look in his eyes, then drag Evie up onto your lap for her to calm down before you speak.

“Right Missy, I need you to go downstairs and tell Sarah that mummy will be down for some cake, okay?” you ask her once she’s wiped the happy tears from her face.

“Okay,” she nods fervently before sliding off the side off the bed and disappearing.

“So… you sure you wanna deal with that everyday?” you smirk.

“Never been more sure in my life.”

“And are you sure you wanna deal with this everyday?” you ask, pointing to yourself and your slightly dishevelled appearance.

“Well, it’s a tough job but somebody’s got to do it, eh?” he winks, shuffling closer to you until he can lean forwards and kiss your waiting lips.

It’s the sort of kiss that told you everything you needed to know; it’s deep yet delicate, it’s passionate yet soft, and it ignites a fire that you thought could never be reignited after David had passed. Charlie’s hands cup your face in both a firm and gentle manner while your hands slide up the front of his shirt until you can clasp them together at the nape of his neck and slowly pull him down as you sink into the bed. The sound of his phone ringing makes him groan into your mouth and you laugh at his extremely unimpressed expression when he finally pulls away after peppering your lips with at least five more kisses.

“Sir,” he almost whines, “of course, I’m on my way now.”

“See you later,” you smile with a comforting stroke of his stubble scattered jawline.

“Already looking forward to it,” he replies excitedly, kissing you twice more before he can peel himself away from you completely.

You hear Charlie hopping quickly down the stairs only to be stopped by one nosey little girl who asks him where he’s going, and you roll your eyes at her never ending campaign to get him to stay over for a sleepover which of course would include hot chocolate and night kisses.

“Evie!” you call out, carefully getting out of bed, “stop harassing the policeman… it’s an arrestable offence!”

“A best of all oppence?” she frowns, turning her attention to the top of the stairs where you hold onto the wall for stability.

Both you and Charlie let out a laugh at her misunderstanding, “yes darling, a best of all oppence… now can you go and tell Sarah mummy needs her please?”

She runs off into the lounge and you mouth ‘run’ down to the Charlie as he gets to open the front door at last, and both her and Sarah appear once he’s safely outside. Sarah comes up to help you down the stairs; you were still feeling a little groggy and didn’t feel brave enough to tackle the stairs on your own just in case you went flying down them. When you’re safely resting on the sofa with a soothing cup of tea and the girls’ favourite film on the television Sarah comes to sit next to you to see how you are, and you rest your head on her shoulder with a contented sigh.

-

“Nelson, here,” Barnaby says, thrusting a file at Charlie as soon as he’s close enough, “Adam’s in interview room one… would you like to take the lead on this one?”

“It would be my absolute pleasure Sir.”

The two men enter the interview room, begin the recording, then Charlie shuffles his papers before letting out a long sigh and staring Adam straight in the eyes.

“Adam Carter… ex husband of a Maria Marsden; is that correct?” Charlie begins.

“Pfft,” he scoffs, “yeah.”

“When was the last time you had contact with Maria?”

Adam shrugs, “just after the divorce I guess.”

“Anything more recently?”

“No.”

“Are you quite sure about that? You see, we have a witness statement saying that you informed them of some form of contact between you and Maria; with her being the one to instigate it…”

“Uh…”

“Luckily though, we did some digging and found this,” Nelson twirls a piece of paper around on the desk to face Adam and slides it towards him, “this is a non-molestation order made against you by Maria two months after your divorce which prevents you from using or threatening violence, or intimidating and pestering her. So if you have been in contact with her, then we will need to-”

“I haven’t,” he snaps, “it was a lie. I lied, okay?!”

“Why would you lie about something that could possibly get you into so much trouble?” Charlie frowns as John narrows his eyes at Adam.

“Because,” he sighs with another nonchalant shrug.

“Because?”

“Because I was trying to get the sympathy vote.”

Charlie tenses up as he realises it was a ploy to make Adam appear vulnerable to you; to trick you in to comforting him, soothing him… and that would have been when he pounced, when he tried to take advantage of you because he was playing the victim. The thought of it all made him shudder violently in his seat, and he has to take a moment to shake the intrusive images of what could have played out from his mind.

“So you were planning on using this story to deceive a person into… what? What was the plan there?”

Adam smirks, “you know exactly what.”

“I think we’ve got everything we need,” Barnaby states, “Mr. Carter, you’re free to go.”

As soon as Adam has disappeared down the corridor Charlie allows one single bang of his fist on the desk before gathering up his papers and slipping them neatly back into the folder.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself Nelson,” John nods at the short outlet of rage.

“He can’t keep working at the school after this, can he?” Charlie asks as the two men make their way out of the interview room and back to their desks.

“I’m sure the head will want to keep this quiet,” he smiles, “and nip the problem in the bud, so to speak.”

Nelson smiles and gives John an understanding and thankful nod.

“How as (Y/N) earlier by the way?”

“Better,” Charlie sighs with relief, “more rested, that’s for sure.”

“Good to hear. She’s like a daughter to me, you know. She’s been through a lot for someone her age, and both myself and Sarah care very deeply for her…” John affirms, “we’ve seen her at her lowest point and now we appear to be seeing her as we never thought we would again… happy.”

Charlie realises as the two men sit down at their desks, that this is a thinly veiled warning to him that if he were to do anything to (Y/N) that would hurt her, there would be grave consequences in store, and all he can do in response to John is nod silently.

“Do not fuck this up Nelson,” he finishes bluntly.

“You have my word that I will not mess it up Sir.”

“Right. Good. Well, I’m glad we could sort that out then,” John smiles, raising his eyebrows at the DS, “why don’t you get us a drink to help get through this paperwork?”

“On it Sir!”

-

“(Y/N”, Sarah whispers, “(Y/N), wake up sweetie, the boys are back.”

A deep frown creases your brow as you come to after an unusually deep nap, and you manage to sit upright on the sofa with a confused expression just as John and Charlie enter the house.

“What’s the time?” you yawn, noticing the lack of children around.

“Just gone seven,” Sarah smiles, “you’ve been out for hours!”

“Oh my god, is Evie alright?”

“She’s fine; her and Betty are having a best friend’s sleepover in Betty’s room tonight, and they’re already fast asleep.”

“Thank you,” you sigh, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t awake for anything.”

“Don’t you worry, you need your rest after what happened, and they wanted dinner in the garden tonight anyway so they could have Sykes sit with them,” she chuckles, “so luckily we weren’t going to wake you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you Sarah.”

“Nor do I, I’d be lost without her,” John adds with a grin, “now why don’t I help you with dinner my darling?”

“Right, what’s happened?” Sarah asks suspiciously, “you’re in too good of a mood!”

John and Sarah disappear off into the kitchen and Charlie takes a seat next to you on the couch after taking off his shoes and coat in the hallway. He gives you a reassuring smile before reaching out for your hand and squeezing it comfortingly as you sit there still wondering where your entire day went so quickly. Once the fog lifts from your head you stand up and let Charlie know you were just going to check on the girls, then you ascend the stairs slowly and tiptoe to Betty’s room where the glow of her night light seeps out onto the landing. You push the door ajar gently to find the girls snuggled up in bed together with stuffed animals surrounding them and a book laying on the duvet as if they’d just finished story time; it was a heart warming sight to see and you know that moments like these had to be cherished what with how quickly the two of them seemed to be growing up. After a couple of minutes you eventually retreat back downstairs to find John, Sarah, and Charlie standing together in the kitchen, and in that moment you felt as if you’d finally found the family you were meant to have all along. As you walk up to Charlie and his waiting loving embrace, you realise that Midsomer had given you everything you ever wanted, and that moving here was an extraordinarily lucky twist of fate.

@lv7867 @lovemarvelousfics @fuckyou-imspiderman @aynsleywalker @timeandpixiedust @the-baby-bookworm @pink-lemo @chlobo6 @queenslandlover-93 @misslolasworld @killer-queen-87 @drivenbybri @itsametaphorgwil @what-wicked-delights

[somarsword]

Sleep on the Floor - Part 2

ROGER TAYLOR X READER

Hi again :> So I should probably warn you ahead that this story isn't as realistic as other fanfics. The boys are currently on their 1976 tour so that's the route we follow in terms of location but not much else. Let's just pretend you (the reader) haven't heard of the band which is why you aren't entirely psyched when you met them. Uh yeah... guess that's most of it? Oh also, sorry for being pretty inconsistent about Rog's attitude towards you. I just felt it would be more appropriate this way.

Enjoy the read :)

picture taken from pinterest, posted by @hoopdiddydo_

WARNING: none. Cursing?

word count: 1.2k words

February 8, 1976 - New York

You had spent the whole day yesterday attempting to walk as far as you could, but no matter how much your legs hurt from how hard you'd pushed yourself, you couldn't make it even a fraction out of this hellhole. So here you were, now sitting outside a gas station eating a sad excuse of a meal.

You're all out of options. You had lost almost all contact with your friends after they had moved to other states, and the ones who were in New York were Simon's friends first. Your mom wouldn't understand if you told her, she never really loved you anyway, she only loved the idea of having someone to show off. If you were to tell her this she'd shun you and force you back into the arms of your 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 fiancé.

You had no one. Not a single person to run to.

𝐹𝑢𝑐𝑘, 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑'𝑣𝑒 𝑘𝑒𝑝𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑖𝑡.

Shaking your head, you stand and walk over to the payphone situated next to the entrance of the convenience shop.

Only option. Last hope.

The line rings for about 2 minutes before he finally picks up.

"Hello?" his voice slightly raspier than normal.

"Hey Roger, it's uh... well actually you never caught my name, but it's Y/n. The girl from the Ritz the other night" you hear shuffling on the other line.

"Oh yeah, right. Are you alright?" he asks groggily, concern laced in his voice.

"I've been better" you say, letting out a small laugh, "Actually that's why I was calling, are you still in New York?"

"Yeah" he takes a deep breath in "It's our last day here actually"

"Oh. Are you still up for a chat?" you ask him hesitantly.

"We're talking now aren't we?" he says, obviously confused.

"Well yeah. I just-" you pause, closing your eyes and sighing deeply before continuing, "I need to ask you a favor and I need to ask it in person"

The line goes silent, and for a second you believe you may have lost you last chance of escaping. You hear him let out a slightly irritated breathe before reluctantly responding.

"Okay. 30 minutes at the coffee shop at 5th Ave." is all he says before dropping the phone call.

••• -•- •• •--•

"Hey, thanks for meeting me" you say as Roger approaches the table. He nods in response, taking a seat opposite you.

"So what is it you wanted to ask?" He asks once he's settled in.

"You mentioned you were on tour the other night..." you trail off and glance up at him, watching him closely. He nods for you to continue. "Well I was hoping I could catch a ride to the next state."

His eyebrows furrow, both confusion and disbelief written on his face.

"I barely know you" there's a hint of annoyance as he says so, shaking his head.

"Look I know it's a big deal for me to be asking this, but it's the only option I have left. Please. I'll even work for my spot there if that's what it takes. Just please. I need to get out of here." you beg and as he stares back at you his irritation slowly dissipates.

••• -•- •• •--•

"Where the bloody hell have you been?" You hear someone ask as Roger enters the bus in search of his manager.

"Where's Miami?" is all he says in response, ignoring the previous question thrown at him.

"He's at the back. Are you gonna answer me or-" Roger pops his head out of the bus, quickly motioning for you to follow him, disregarding the other man's question again.

As you step in the three men lounging inside turn their heads towards you before voicing their frustration at the blonde.

"So this is where you've been? Couldn't you have kept it in your pants 'til we reached Detroit?"

"Do you always have to be shagging someone at every second?"

Roger ignores the comments of the other men as you both make your way to the back. Once there, you find a man sat at the corner, a bunch of papers set next to him.

"Jim" Roger begins, making the man turn his attention away from the documents and towards the both of you. He raises his brows, signalling Roger to carry on.

"Are there any openings left for the roadies or interns?" Roger asks.

"I don't think so. Why?" He asks, glancing at you.

"This lady here doesn't have enough money to get out of state and was hoping to hitch a ride with us. She offered to work as compensation" You nod, agreeing to Roger's statement. You hastily grab the folder in your bag, handing it to the man.

"I can help with finances, I have a degree in accountancy" You rush out, hoping to convince him. He scans the contents of the folder for a few seconds before closing it again.

𝑁𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑜

"Please sir, I'll even scrub the toilets. Doesn't matter what job you give me, I'll do my best. I can't stay here. Please" you beg. In your 24 years on earth, never had you ever thought you'd be begging 2 strangers to take you with them.

The man chuckles slightly at your sudden outburst, shaking his head in amusement.

"You don't have to do any of that sort, I've been struggling with organizing the finances so you'll come in handy." he hands back your folder, a smile gracing his face.

••• -•- •• •--•

It's been a couple of hours since you've watched the tall buildings you've grown up with shrink, slowly vanishing from your line of sight. The boys had all gone to sleep just a little over an hour ago, leaving you to sleep on the couch, but no matter how hard you tried you couldn't sleep.

With a exhausted huff you sit up abruptly causing the book on your chest to fall on the ground with a thud. Cursing silently, you reach down to pick it up. Just as you lift your head, you're met with the singer of the band emerging from the sleeping area. Freddie Mercury, you think his name was.

"Can't sleep either darling?" he ask, taking a seat beside you. You shake your head, frowning. He let's out a small laugh, understanding your frustration.

"You know, you look awfully familiar. Have we met somewhere before?" he's now looking directly at you, scanning your face for the answer.

"I don't think so" You tell him, shifting your gaze away from him uncomfortably.

A few minutes of silence falls between the both of you before Freddie shoots up from his position, now fully standing in front of you.

"Wait, I remember now. You're the lady from the Ritz the other night! Right?" He whisper-screams with glee, pacing around a bit. Before you can respond he speaks again, "What are you doing on this bus with us darling? You should be planning your wedding!"

You close your eyes tightly, beginning to feel the familiar sting of tears forming. At your silence Freddie pauses his pacing and glances at you.

"Can we not talk about it?" is all you manage to say as you do your best to keep your breathing steady. You feel the couch dip once more as he resumes his space next to you. He says nothing.

"I know I owe you lot an explanation for my sudden appearance on your tour but-" you cut yourself off, aggressively wiping the tears with the back of your hand. "I'm not ready to talk about it" you finally choke out. He hums in acknowledgement.

"Alright lovie, it's alright. No pressure, you don't have to explain anything to us alright?" He says soothingly as he rubs your back in a circular motion.

You nod in appreciation.

[peteywillproceed]

“We Were On A Break!” - Part 1

Author’s Note: Sooooo, I’ve been watching Friends again and I was really inspired to do some kind of crossover with my writing. I tried to make it pretty unobvious, but I really enjoyed writing this! It got really long so I split it into two parts :) hope you enjoy x

Word Count: 3,270

Summary: Even broken up, you and Tom still can’t agree on anything - including, it seems, how exactly you even broke up in the first place...

“Really, Y/n, sleeping with my best friend was the best you could come up with?” Tom glared at you whilst loud music pounded through your head.

“Why the hell do you care, Tom? We’re done, over, finito – you saw to that!” You yelled back, throwing out a hand as Harrison tried to awkwardly shuffle past you. “You can stay there.”

“Don’t tell him what to do! And I never broke up with you, we were on a break!”

You nearly screamed at his words, fisting your hands in your hair and throwing you head back. God, he was infuriating, had he really been this bad when you were dating him? It hadn’t even been that long, just a couple weeks since you’d sat on his bed, sobbing your heart out as he broke up with you. He knew just as well as you that he’d never said anything about a bloody break, yet he threw the excuse out there any chance he got.

“If we were on a break, Thomas, how comes the word never actually came up in the conversation, huh?” You spat, acid coating your tongue. You were done, absolutely sick and tired of this bullshit, just wanting to graduate and move on with your life and forget about this idiotic relationship you’d entertained for five months.

“I thought it was implied!”

You rolled your eyes, pushing past Tom and spinning on your heel to look back at him. “Well then, take this as me implying I’m gonna sleep with other people!”

You raced away from the random bedroom and shot down the stairs, snatching your coat up from the forgotten pile on the banister. You hadn’t even fucked Harrison; you’d stumbled into that room, crying and frustrated over being abandoned by your friends and feeling horribly single, and the stupid boy had followed you in there. You’d always liked Harrison, he’d always been the rational one, but just as you’d finished calming down and snuggled against his chest, Tom had burst into the room, a girl you’d never met before under his arm.

And then he’d had a go at you for having sex with someone you definitely did not have sex with.

The whole thing was outstandingly obtuse, but then again ‘outstandingly obtuse’ was basically Tom in a nutshell, especially if he thought ‘I’m breaking up with you’ was the same thing as ‘I’d like to take a break.’

As you stepped out of the frat house and into the bitter winter air, you pulled your coat tighter around yourself and shivered in the bite of the wind. Your phone was pressed against your ear as you dialled your roommate, multitasking so you could pull your gloves on. She picked up on the third ring, her voice thick with sleep, and you felt wildly guilty about waking her up.

“Is there anyway you could come pick me up?” you choked out, hearing footsteps approaching from behind. The last thing you wanted to do was have a break down in public, let alone one in front of a total stranger.

“Was he there?” Sarah suddenly sounded wide awake, and you couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from your lips when you heard her curse as she struggled to get dressed.

“Yeah, it was just a bit of a shit night.”

You heard her sigh on the other end of the line. “Y/n, I don’t understand what you ever saw in that guy.

You paused for a second as a thousand memories came flooding to the surface, reminding you of the thousands of good times you’d shared with Tom. You could still see his face the first time you took him on a rollercoaster, how you’d felt your heart flutter the first time you’d kissed him. And suddenly, you felt tears flooding your eyes, and you wanted to kick yourself for letting yourself be upset over him again. As the footsteps behind you grew louder, you rubbed the tears away angrily, not wanting to expose yourself, and shook your head.

“Honestly, neither do I.”

“I’ll be there in five,” she hung up the call, knowing full well the last thing you needed right now was her sympathy.

You came to a stop on the pavement, leaning back against the brick wall of the first house you came to, and stared up at the night sky. Inky blue was scattered with sparkling diamonds, spinning violently fast above your head. If you’d wanted to, you could have sat there and calculated the exact speed they were moving, but you didn’t really feel like putting your physics major to use right now.

“Y/n?” a disembodied voice said, and your heart stopped.

“Thomas?” You growled, recognising the voice anywhere.

“I, er, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Your eyebrows shot into your hairline, your body going rigid with anger. “You could’ve done that three weeks ago.”

“I know but…” he swallowed audibly “you looked upset.”

“Upset? I looked upset?” You paused, balling your hands into fists as you couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. “No, Tom, I’m beyond upset. Upset was you breaking up with me. Upset was dealing with the aftermath. I’m fuming.”

“About what? What the hell are you fuming about? You just slept with my best friend!”

“I didn’t, actually Thomas, which you would bloody know if you’d actually asked him!”

“Then how comes you were in the bedroom together, huh?”

“Jesus Christ!” You lost it, throwing your hands into the air in rage. “Why do you think you have the right to know everything I do? You lost that privilege when you ended things!”

“We were on a break!”

Before you could punch his stupid, smarmy face, a car pulled up alongside you, and Sarah hung out the window. Tom flicked his eyes over to the vehicle, staying silent as you kicked the pavement in frustration and stepped out into the road. As you buckled in and she pulled away, you tried desperately to keep your eyes fixed ahead, and not drifting back to where Tom was stood on the pavement, staring after you with his lip tucked between his teeth.

“Wanna talk about it?” Sarah asked, one hand on the wheel whilst the other grasped your shoulder.

“He’s just being impossible,” you sighed, and she threw you a look.

“Honey, aren’t they all?”

***

It had been a few weeks since the party, and you were grabbing some coffee from a tiny little café you’d discovered in first year. You were still angry about the whole situation, mostly frustrated that neither of you could actually agree on how you’d broken up, but at least you no longer wanted to punch a wall whenever you saw Tom on campus.

Your fingers wrapped around the steaming mug as you made your way to the last available table in the entire place. It was meant for a couple, but you figured nobody would mind if you sat down and gave it up for someone who needed it. You settled into the chair and spread your notes across the table, only seconds later engrossed in your revision.

It may have been hours or only a few minutes, but you didn’t look up until a deep voice shook you out of your thoughts. “’scuse me, is this seat taken?”

“Oh no it’s-” you faltered as you glanced up, eyes locking on the familiar pools of deep brown. “Tom.”

“It’s Tom?” he raised an eyebrow, a shit eating grin spreading across his face as he held out his hand “Hi, Tom, nice to meet you! I’m Tom too!”

You stifled a giggle, batting his hand away and rolling your eyes. “Just sit down, dipshit.”

Tom collapsed into the seat and you tried to go back to concentrating on your revision, but he kept setting his coffee down to look at you. Having had enough, you threw down your books and fixed him with a look. “What?”

“Nothing, darling, just not used to watching you work so hard,” he shrugged, and you didn’t know if it was a thinly veiled attack or just a piss poor attempt at a compliment. Given Tom’s rep, you were more inclined to go for the latter.

“Well, can you stop staring? Unless you have something important to say, I’m working.” You were trying to keep calm, but the edge in your voice crept through your carefully built defences, and Tom seemed to take the hint that you weren’t in the mood for games.

“Alright, well, I guess I do have something important to say.”

You head snapped up, your reading instantly forgotten. Even if he suddenly said he was joking, you knew there was no way you were going back to that today, and, with some resignation, started stuffing the notes into a folder.

“Well go on then,” you glared, crossing your arms. “It better be spectacular.”

Tom shrugged, a smile tugging at the edge of his lips. “I guess it might be.” When you refused to entertain his games, he shook his head and sighed. “Look, Y/n, I know things aren’t so good with us right now. But I didn’t mean for us to fall out this bad.”

“Whatever happens, we were still together, even if not for very long, and regardless of how things ended we should still be civil. I still care about you, a lot.”

Your breath hitched in your throat; hearing Tom say those words made your heart flutter, even after all the crap you’d both gone through. “So what’s your point, then?”

“Well, my point is that we’re gonna be around each other, We have the same friends. We might as well try to make an effort, and I thought I’d start by offering you and your roommate tickets to the frat’s Christmas party next week.”

You raised an eyebrow, the irony not lost on you that last year’s Christmas party was when you’d first kissed him. It was another few months before you’d finally got together, but that was really the start of your relationship, and you wondered if he was doing this on purpose. But on the other hand, tickets were hard to come by, and it was supposed to be the best party on campus. It was sweet what he was doing really, and you begrudgingly swallowed the last of your coffee.

“Sarah can come?” You asked warily

“Whoever you want,” he smiled, pulling the tickets out of a pocket in his coat. “Just try not to shag any of my mates.”

He’d meant it as a joke, but you still bristled at the comment, sweeping the tickets into your bag as he stood up to leave.

“I’ll sleep with whoever I want, thanks Thomas,” you said, although it came out much louder than you intended. In the quiet café, almost everyone turned to look at you, their brows furrowed in annoyance. You held your hands up and bit your lip, fighting the urge to kick Tom as he looked down at you and smirked.

“I’m sure you will, darling,” he laughed, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his duffle coats. “See ya later!”

***

“This is so loud!” Sarah shouted in your ear.

“Sorry what? You just deafened me, I can’t hear a thing!”

“Oh ha ha,” she rolled her eyes “is there nowhere I can get a drink around here?”

“Try the keg table sweetheart,” a Texan drawl you’d recognise from halfway across the world said.

“Cameron!” you squealed, spinning round and leaping into the boy’s arms. He was the only one on your course you really spoke to outside of lectures, and he’d graduated last year. “What are you doing here?”

“A little bird told me you might be here tonight,” his eyes slid over to Sarah who’d conveniently disappeared into the crowd. “And I missed seeing you.”

You grinned at him, sandy hair and blue eyes still exactly how you remembered them. His arms curved round your small frame easily, and the familiar scent of sandalwood and apricot wafted up your nose as you buried your head into his chest. You’d done this so often with Cameron, curled up after a particularly hard physics lecture, and you’d just pass out next to him. It was normal for you, but something about today felt different.

His hands were on your waist, gripping your hips as rock music blared all around you. You could hear his heart pounding in his chest, and you could’ve sworn you smelt the sickly sweet smell of alcohol on his breath. Something felt different, almost tense between you both, and you jerked back to look at him.

“Are you okay?”

Cameron frowned, nodding vigorously. “Yeah, everything’s good.”

“It’s just…” you started to try and tell him how it felt, but you were cut off as Tom strode over to you and interrupted you, his eyes lingering on Cameron’s hands.

“Y/n! You made it!” Tom cheered, narrowing his eyes on Cameron. “Who’s this?”

“This is Cameron, from my physics class,” you smiled, trying not to feel defensive as Tom reached forward to shake his hand.

“Nice to meet you mate, who invited you exactly?” he asked, eyes wide and innocent, and you almost choked.

“Tom!”

“What? I’m just being friendly!”

You ran your eyes over him, noting the messy hair and the eyes rimmed with red. You scoffed, gently plucking the beer out of his hand and passing it to Cameron. “No, you’re drunk.”

“C’mon, Y/n! Don’t be a buzzkill! Live a little!” Tom almost sang, and you felt your body go rigid with annoyance. Here you were, at a stupid party you hadn’t even wanted to come to in the first place in an effort to get along with him. Yet there he was, drunk off his ass, insulting your friends and looking like he’d been hit by a truck.

“Get over here,” you spat, grabbing him by the bicep “Cameron, just give me a moment. I’ll come and find you when I’m finished with him.”

Marching Tom out of the room, you barely paid any attention to his protests and the weird looks people gave you, practically dragging him up the stairs. You muttered to yourself, trying to figure out which one his room was, when he pointed at a half-closed door near the bathroom. You straightened yourself up and pulled him into the room, shutting the door behind you.

Suddenly, it hit you that you’d never been in Tom’s bedroom before, always meeting up at your place or somewhere central. It wasn’t anything like you imagined – for one thing, it was insanely tidy. And there were rows of books stacked neatly onto buckling shelves, a well-made bed underneath a poster of what looked like London, and a hard wood desk scattered with study things. You wondered why he gave you such a hard time for studying, when he clearly was just as bad.

“Y/n, come on, this is my party!” Tom pouted, and you could barely contain your laughter. He looked like a three year old.

“And you can go back down when you’ve sobered up. You’re gonna hurt yourself if you carry on like that.”

“Whatever,” he muttered, and you moved towards the en-suite in search of a cup and some face cloths. When you found what you were looking for, you filled the cup with some water and took it back out to him, finding that he’d collapsed onto the bed.

“See, you’re even tired,” you smiled, helping him sit up and bring the cup to his lips.

“You’re too nice to be, y’know,” he mumbled through his mouthful of water. It was the truest thing you’d heard him say in a long time, and you swallowed the nasty retort that came with it.

“Trust me, I know,” you said instead, and he looked up at you, seeming grateful you weren’t giving him a hard time.

“Who’s that downstairs anyway?” he continued.

“I told you, it’s just Cameron. We’re really good friends from physics.”

“Didn’t look like it.”

“Huh?” you frowned, and Tom scoffed loudly.

“Oh please, he had his hands all over you.”

“So? That doesn’t mean anything,” you said, but in your heart you knew it wasn’t true. The way he’d looked at you, the weird position of his hands, it had brought an atmosphere between the two of you you’d never had before, and maybe Tom was only giving a name to something you couldn’t. “And even if it did, it wouldn’t have anything to do with you.”

“I know,” Tom said simply, a small shrug escaping him “but I can’t help the way I feel.”

Suddenly, you felt like the room was spinning and you couldn’t catch your breath. You could barely focus on Tom as he seemed to swim before your eyes and you fought to get a hold of yourself. Was he really saying what you thought he was? Or were you misinterpreting it, like you always seemed to do when it came to Tom?

“What?” you whispered, and he came into focus long enough for you to see him reach over and tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Like I said, I can’t help the way I feel about you.” His fingers trailed over your jaw and cupped your cheek, eyes locked on yours. You gulped, seeing him move towards you, and all at once it was too much. Not long ago, he’d been screaming at you, and now he was confessing he still liked you? It felt too weird, too foreign, and you jerked away from his touch.

Hurt spread across his face, but you knew he was too drunk to remember this in the morning. You started to move your mouth, no words coming out, and reached to grab your fallen coat. “I…I think I should go.”

“Wait, no, please don’t,” Tom practically shouted, and you jumped at the desperation in his voice. “I’m sorry, that was too much.”

“Yeah, it was,” you sighed, but the tingle against your lips seemed to tell you otherwise. You hadn’t wanted him to actually kiss you, had you?

“Are you tired? I’m really tired. I think we should go to sleep,” Tom was rambling now, and you bit your lip in frustration. What did he expect you to do? Lay down beside him and fall asleep like nothing had happened?

His eyes bore into yours, imploring you to stay. And even with all your resolve, you could feel yourself breaking, drawn towards the arms that had held you whilst you’d fallen asleep more times than you could remember. With a little gulp, you made your way back towards the bed and kicked off your shoes, so you could curl up beside him.

He slung his arm around you and pulled you into him, and just like that the last few reservations you had melted away, as Tom’s familiar smell engulfed you. Slowly, your eyes began to flutter shut, weighed down by your confusion and exhaustion, and you took a deep breath. Drifting off, images of your time with Tom flashed before your eyes, and you finally fell asleep to the sound of his gentle breathing.

 It had been so long since you’d been like this, just the two of you curled up under the bed sheets, but the warmth and familiarity of it all made it seem like no time had passed between you. For now, you were lost in your own little fantasy, content with the soft glow of light and little snores from Tom.

 You would deal with the consequences in the morning.

 Part 2

 Taglist

@zabdisamor @jinxfanfics

[justironqrowthings]

Headcannons !!

-qrow sits on james' shoulder in crow form during any time james has a meeting. he figures james easily gets upset during them so he can stop it at the source

-qrow thrives on compliments. james can look at him and call him beautiful once and qrow turns into a tomato

-james absolutely hates hurting qrow in any way. hes always been scared of it and qrow constantly has to remind him its okay to cause a little pain sometimes but even then, if james even pinches qrow at it stings, its cuddle time.

-if qrow is doing anything remotely self destructive (drinking, insults, isolation, etc.) james picks him up, brings him to their room, tells him to change into pajamas (if qrow refuses to change, james will change qrow for him) and its cuddle+compliment time to the fucking max

-like qrow thrives on compliments, james thrives on physical affection. qrow is always holding his hand, leaning on him, etc. in public because he knows it makes james happy. you can easily imagine how happy they both are during cuddle time because james doesnt know how not to compliment qrow

-qrow is always embarrased to train in front of/with james (ESPECIALLY in tight workout clothes) because he knows exactly what james is staring at

-james as videos upon videos of qrow doing really stupid/silly stuff (with his nieces included) and has them copied onto like. every device.

-qrow is usually the one to initiate intimate time, but is most certainly not the one who finishes

-qrow cannot top james to save his life

-james has always had illegal amounts of patience for qrow, even more than ozpin ever did, so it always confused qrow when he was rambling about something (like weapons or games) and james just sat and actually listened without telling him to calm / slow down

-thats actually how qrow fell for james in the first place. not even summer had that kind of patience for him when he went off on a tangent and he absolutley loves the fact that james actually listened

-james fell for qrow a lot later, but the a lot later was when james lost his right half and qrow still treated him like a person. he treated him like he had just had a super bad injury and would be alright eventually

-james 100% thinks qrows semblance is bullshit. he hates it and what it does to qrow.

-nicknames are so very prominent. qrow usually stays on the jimmy, jim, etc. train, but will call james by his name or other traditional pet names (honey, baby, etc.). james, however, goes all out. my qrow, my darling, my love, everything starts with 'my' in front because he knows how special qrow feels when james calls him his. qrow loses his mind the most at 'my darling beautiful qrow' because of how soft james always says it + oh-so-casually being claimed as both james' AND beautiful

-qrow learned to dance just for james. he secretly always wanted to be invited to a fancy atlas ball and hoped james would ask him to dance, so he had summer teach him. you can imagine how happy he was when james invited him and only danced with qrow

-james will pay people out of pocket (purely his money, nobody elses. his hard earned cash.) to make qrow laugh/smile super bright. he loves seeing qrow happy to the point where he just zones out while watching him

-james can and will take pictures of qrow in both comproming/scandalous moments or just when qrow is being soft/gentle. his multiple folders of photos james has ranges from completley naked to drinking hot chocolate while watching the sunset. he has no method to his madness.

-qrow knows he cant do literally anything that james could stare at during work because james will stare

-qrow is a little spoon this is cannon

-james is easily the more protective one. if you even look at qrow with ill intent he can and will hunt you down

-james get super jealous super easy. qrow can be joking & laughing with a random guy and for the rest of the day james is just at qrows side holding his hips and glaring anybody that might like qrow down

-as much as james loves having qrow under him & literally begging, he wont do anything qrow is even slightly hesitant about. he drinks respecting boundaries juice.

-qrow was actually hesitant to do anything past making out at first but now hes basically addicted to james

-it 100% breaks james heart when qrow wont allow himself to be even picked up but qrow always eventually apologizes and lets james hold him

-james almost constantly wants to hold qrow. just. pick him up with one arm or sit qrow in his lap. he loves it.

-james purposefully watches qrow train because he knows it gets qrow flustered and he loves it

-they both know exactly what theyre doing when it involves teasing the other when others are around. they know and do it anyways bcs they know the other wont act on it unless its them in their bedroom

feel free to add!

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Being Simon

Chapter 1: The Past

Chapter 1/2 (All chapters)

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count:  8493

Summary:  Simon's type of therapy is...unusual to say the least. He has the incredible chance to go back in time to fix what he regrets. However, things get more complicated when Simon meets someone very interesting in the past.

Read on AO3

AN: Ahahahaha I did it!!! I finished a fic! That's a big achievement for me nowadays tbh. This has taken forever because stupid fucking health, but I did it! Of course I'm not 100% good with it but I'm still proud. Being Erica is one of my fave shows ever and is severely underrated imo. Then I saw this post and was like "oh damn that would be great for snowbaz." Now like three-four months late, here we are! Big thank you to @carryonmylovelies​ as always. She has been a big support for me through this writing slump. I couldn't be more grateful for her <3

World basics: time travel therapy is a thing, no further explanation given, and going back in time to fix past regrets teaches patients how to live better in the present. Patients take over their past selves' bodies for a bit. Patients can return from the past either suddenly or by stepping through doors. So just imagine Simon doing that. Saying much more is spoilers. 

I’m gonna post chapter 1 today, then chapter 2 sometime within the next week. Hopefully y'all like it!

———————————————

You know that guy who’s got it all? A perfect job, a perfect partner, wonderful family, a life that people are secretly jealous of? You know that guy, everyone knows that guy. Unfortunately, I am not that guy.

My name is Simon Snow, and I’m a fuck up. But I’m getting better.

“Mr. Snow, Mr. Snow!” Cassidy shouts, waving her hand, “I know the answer!”

“Cass,” I say, “what did we say about inside voices?”

She pouts and crosses her arms. “Keep the volume down for all those around.”

“Exactly. Now, try again.” Cassidy raises her arm with no added sound effects. I point my chalk at her. “Cassidy, what’s the answer?”

She puts her hand down, grinning wide. “It’s 42.”

I hold my hand out to her. “Nice job, Cassy, right on the money.”

She gives me a big high five. The feeling of accomplishment surges through me. God, I love this job. My old customer service work made me feel dead inside. Day in, day out, same old fucking garbage from garbage customers. It was just never something I wanted to do. Now I get to see a little girl smile, and I helped her smile. Yeah, little self centred, but I’ll take it.

“Patrick,” I say, “can you tell me how we can find 8 times 4?”

Patrick nods and starts rattling off the technique he’s come up with. It’s a bit odd and round about but all his. That’s what I love about kids, the strange and unique things their little minds come up with. It’s why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place, before I lost my way.

The bell rings and everyone's on their feet immediately. “Alright everyone,” I shout over the clamour, “make sure to finish chapter three for tonight. And get your worksheets done! We’re going to go over them with a fine toothed comb. Have a good weekend, kids.”

“Bye, Mr. Snow,” they all parrot back. I wave them off, then start on my laptop. Being a teacher means having a lot of paperwork. (Or Google Doc work, I guess.) Everything is in mismatched folders and I have to scour them for my lesson plan draft. Unfortunately, I’m still not great at organization, but I’m working on it. I’m working on a lot in my life.

My phone rings. I look up from my screen, and notice there’s no sunlight from the windows. Holy shit, how long have I been sitting here? I quickly grab my phone. “Hello?”

“Simon!” Todd shouts. “Where the fuck are you?”

“Oh, uh, hi Todd.” Fuck, what did I do this time? “I-I’m still at work...”

He scoffs. “Of course you are. Shit, Simon, I’ve been sitting at Casper’s for an hour!”

My heart drops. I look down at my watch. It’s 6:34. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, love, I just totally lost track of time-”

“Yeah, I guessed that. I should expect that of you now.”

Well, that stings. A lot. I’ve felt like a screw up my whole life, so much so even my parents didn’t want me. Like they had some prophetic vision that their kid would be a no good moron. Therapy has started to rid me of those thoughts, but they still creep up every once in a while. Like now.

“I’m sorry, darling, I’m really sorry. We can go to my place, have take away-”

“No, Simon,” he sighs. “I just...I picked the day, the time, and the restaurant. All you had to do was bloody show up, and you couldn’t even do that. I mean...do you even care, Simon?”

A horrible, familiar pain goes through my heart. I can still hear Agatha’s voice all these years later. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. My thoughts get all muddled up, mixing up old fears and trauma with today.

“I do care, Todd, I really do. I just- I didn’t- I was- We can-”

“Please stop..” He sighs again. I can almost see him rubbing his pretty black eyebrows together. “Don’t stress stutter, it’s alright. Enjoy your work and takeaway.”

“Uh, could we reschedule?”

“No, we can’t.”

I gulp. I hate that I know what’s coming. “Are...are you too busy?”

“No, I’m just...I’m done. I can’t do this anymore, Simon. Hope you do well. I mean that.”

I slump in my chair. “Okay. You too. Bye, Todd.”

“Goodbye, Simon.”

He hangs up, but I keep the phone by my ear. My body feels too heavy to move and get out of this fucking chair. Once again, I screwed up my relationship. And the fact that it’s too familiar is even worse. This is what, the third partner I’ve lost in the last year? An abysmal track record. Before that I had been alone since uni, yeah, but I think it was better than feeling like this.

Slowly, I pack up all my stuff. Everything is quiet, like the world is in mourning for my latest lost relationship. Self centered as fuck but a nice thought. I sling my book bag over my shoulder and walk towards the door. It’s not even a shock when I don’t enter the foyer, but step through and end up in Dr. Margaret’s stony yet brightly lit office instead, complete with torches and pristine furniture. It’s like some medieval version of an IKEA showroom. Dr. Margaret is sitting in her chair with a book in hand, obviously waiting for me. Just another day with a super powered therapist who has her office in a pocket dimension outside of our reality. (That’s my theory anyway).

I speed walk forward and flop down face first on her white couch. “Hi to you too, Simon,” she says. I groan into the cushions. “Good day, huh?” I groan louder. “Tell me what happened or get off my couch.”

I move my face to the side, glaring at Dr. Margaret. She just keeps looking at me blankly from her large leather chair. Dr. Margaret has little time for my whining, something I usually appreciate. “Todd broke up with me.”

“You poor baby.”

I narrow my eyes even more. “Aren’t therapists supposed to be all sympathetic and shit?”

She scoffs. “Sympathetic when you’re not being pathetic.”

“My boyfriend just broke up with me, I’m allowed to be a bit pathetic.” I rub my very strained forehead. “I always get dumped.”

“Mhm.” Dr. Margaret picks up the notepad, the one I filled with my regrets the first day we met. It’s embarrassingly long, but a lot are crossed off too. “Tell me about ‘breakup with Agatha.’”

I groan, head falling back against the couch. “God, that’s one I’ve been waiting for.”

“Stop groaning and tell me.”

“Okay, okay, gimme a sec.” I sit up and put my elbows on my knees, rubbing my temple. Headache is coming. Though I’ve started to actually pay attention to my health and take care of myself now (thanks to Dr. Margaret), the headaches still happen sometimes. Especially when I think about this.

“It was 2003,” I sigh. “Agatha and I had been together for six years. Just before third year finals, Agatha broke up with me. I got really pissed at her. Turned into a huge screaming match. She said I didn’t care, and I called her an arsehole that never loved me.” I run a hand through my hair. Old stress habit. “I’ll never forget the look on her face. She was so unbelievably hurt. I knew it was wrong the moment after I said it, but I was too angry and proud to apologize. Agatha walked out. And that was the last time I ever saw her.” The words piece my heart like a knife. I feel like I'm about to shatter into pieces “We avoided each other all through finals. Right after graduation, Agatha moved to California for her masters. She wouldn’t take my calls, then she changed her number. So I gave up. Haven’t talked to her in twelve years. No idea where she is now and what she’s doing.”

Dr. Margaret nods thoughtfully, placing the notebook down. “What would you do differently? Try to fix things? Stay together?”

I shake my head vigorously. “No, god no. We weren’t good as a couple. But Agatha was one of my closest friends way before she was my girlfriend. I just, I want the breakup to not be so awful. That way we can stay friends. I want to keep her in my life. If I wasn’t such an arse, she would be.”

“Sounds reasonable. Let’s see if you can do it.”

A familiar chill hits me. At first it was terrifying but now I expect it. “Alright.”

Dr. Margaret nods, and the world spins.

———————————————

“You’re not hearing me, Simon!” Agatha screams. “I’m trying to tell you that it’s over!”

I stumble, blinking at Agatha and trying to focus on what’s around me. Dirty walls, Lady Gaga posters, a shitty desk I picked up off the curb. Yeah, this is definitely my uni apartment. And this is definitely Agatha screaming at me, trying to break things off and I’ve just been yelling. She’s so mad but I can’t help but smile. God, I’ve missed her.

“What are you smiling about?! Are you listening to me?!” She groans and shakes her head. “We’re done, Si. I can’t do this anymore. Goodbye.”

She turns around to leave and my pulse skyrockets. No no, not again. “Ags, wait! I-I am listening. Please, don’t leave!”

Agatha freezes, hand on the knob. She glares at me over her shoulder. “What?”

“I-I’m sorry for yelling, that was awful. Can we just sit down and talk this out? Please?”

She looks me over, probably trying to figure out if I’m being sincere. I know I am, but as far as she's concerned I was screaming my bloody lungs out a minute ago. Must be weird for her. Thankfully, she lets go of the knob. “Fine.”

I sigh in utter relief. I sit down on my shitty mattress (pretty sure I got this off the curb too) and Agatha follows. She’s tense, arms crossed. I fiddle with my fingers. The nail beds are all chewed up, hangnails surrounded by dark dried blood. Glad I broke that habit, but right now I sort of wish I still did it. It made me feel better.

“Are you going to say something?” Agatha asks, voice biting.

“Yeah, yeah, just, uh...” I rub the back of my neck. Words are getting fucked up again.

“You’re not going to change my mind, Simon. We’re through.”

“I know, Ags, I know. I don’t want us to stay together.”

Her eyebrows furrow. It’s really cute. I miss when she did that. “You don’t?”

“No, no, we’re not good as a couple. We don’t work well.”

“Oh.” Her arms fall into her lap. “Okay. Yeah, I think the same.”

“Awesome.” I turn towards her with a big grin. “But, uh, could we still be friends though? You’ve always been one of my best friends, Agatha. I-I don’t want to lose you after this.”

Agatha rubs her lips together, But slowly, she nods. “Okay, yeah.”

A huge weight lifts off my shoulders. I grin so wide it hurts. “That’s great! That’s so great. I-I just, I don’t want to lose you just cause our relationship didn’t work out.”

She looks even more confused, and I’m not sure why. “What do you mean ‘didn’t work out?’”

“Well, I-I mean, y’know, we just don’t work as a couple. We haven’t been happy for awhile because things have kind of...fizzled out, right?”

Suddenly, that infuriated expression comes back. She groans and stands up. “I can’t believe you, Si! You really haven’t been listening to anything I’ve said, have you?!”

I stand up too. “No, no, I have! You want to break up, and I get why, we’re not happy together. We’re not a good couple-”

“Because of you!” she screams. I stumble back slightly from the force of her words.  “You fucked up!”

A horrible, upset, disgusted feeling takes over my whole body. Like my very soul is sicking up. I step towards her, reaching out. “Ags, I don’t know what you mean. H-How did I ruin things? Tell me what I did wrong!”

She shakes her head and backs away. “I’ve told you a hundred times, Si. If you don’t know by now, I don’t think you ever will.”

Agatha starts to stomp away. I chase after her. “Agatha! Ags, please, don’t-”

She slams the door so hard all my knick knacks rattle. I’m left in silence, except for the thoughts rattling around in my head. Fuck, what did I say? What did I do? I can’t think of anything I’ve done horrible enough to warrant such a response from Agatha. I pull at my hair and gnaw at my nail beds. I mean, this me already does it, so where’s the harm? Fuck, I don’t know what I did. I can’t remember!

Penny. I gotta go find Penny. She always has the answers. She’ll remember why I fucked up. I rush out the door and swing my way down the shitty stairs, careful to avoid the usual vomit puddles. I’m speed walking across the lawn towards Pen’s TA building when I spot familiar frizzy white hair.

“That was fast,” Dr. Margaret says, looking down at her book with a Starbucks drink in hand. She’s dressed in a horribly ugly orange tank top and boho skirt. Perfect for 2003. She needs to blend in with the time period, or at least that’s what she says. I think she just likes to dress up. “Saw her storm out. Looked really mad.”

“What the fuck was the point of this?!” I yell. I’m so angry, I can’t help it. My temper is something I need to work on but I really don’t care right now. “I still cocked things up with Agatha, so she still hates me, and all I’ve learned is that I apparently did something horrible that I don’t even remember because it’s been twelve bloody years!”

She takes a long drink from her large Starbucks cup. “Hm. Quite difficult. What’re you going to do?”

“Find Penny, I guess, She’ll know, right?”

Dr. Margaret shrugs. “Don’t know. You have a phone. Call her.”

Oh, right, phones are a thing. I dig around in my cargo shorts (god, I can’t believe, I used to wear these things) and pull out my old Nokia slide phone. I sneer at the thing. It was my first and shittiest cell phone. I thought I was so cool because my mobile slid out. I was such a prat.

I go to my contacts, and Penny is one of five. That makes me a little sad. I always liked people, but I was always bad at making real friends. I’ve gotten better now but past me barely had anyone. I click her number, and she picks up after two rings.

“Hey, Simon, what’s up?” she asks.

“Um, not much,” I respond automatically. Dr. Margaret glares at me. Right, I don’t need to push down my problems and pretend everything is okay. Penny’s my friend, she’ll want to help. “Actually, there’s a lot. Aggie and I just broke up.”

“Oh Si, I’m so sorry. How’re you feeling?”

“Not too bad. I guess it was inevitable. I’m more confused than anything. Ags said I ruined it by doing something, but I’m not sure what I did. Do you have any idea what she meant?”

“Uh...I really don’t know. She hasn’t told me anything. She doesn’t usually tell me things anyway.”

I sigh and rub my face. “Yeah, true. I’ll figure it out. Thanks, Pen.”

“Welcome, Simon. Love you.”

“Love you, too.” I hang up and shove my phone back in my massive pocket. Dr. Margaret is back to reading. “Well, that was no help.”

“Too bad. Maybe going to the source would be better.”

I frown in utter confusion. “You want me to go talk to Agatha again?”

“She knows what’s wrong. You don’t. Ask her.”

I put my hands on my hips. “You’re never this direct. What’s going on?”

She flicks her eyes to me, smiling slyly. “Don’t trust me, Simon?”

“No! I just know you always have something else going on. Nothing in therapy is ever easy or simple.”

“Know that. Taught you that.” She snaps the book closed. “Do what you think is best, Simon. Then live with choices.”

She stands up, book tucked into her hippie purse, and walks down the lawn. I huff, blowing a piece of stray hair out of my face. “You know I hate when you say that! It’s just pointing out the obvious! That’s lazy therapy!”

Dr. Margaret, the woman who has changed my life in so many ways, makes the “whatever” W sign at me. I chuckle and shake my head. Okay, well, this is probably some weird test (again), but Dr. Margaret has a point. Best to be direct. Maybe Agatha will have cooled down by the time I get there. I should do something nice. Bring her flowers, yeah, that’s a good idea. I look down at my cargo shorts, baggy Eminem shirt, and filthy knock off converse. Definitely need to change too.

I rush back to my apartment. It’s dingy and gross, but there’s a weird nostalgia to it. I should’ve put up more posters. (Why can’t that be a regret? That would be so much easier.) My dresser is bursting at the seams as usual. I throw my t-shirts around looking for something passable, but everything is dirty, tacky, smells like weed, or all of the above.

“Christ, how did I live like this?” I grumble, as if I wasn’t pretty much still living like this a year ago. (Minus the weed. Kicked that after uni, thankfully.)

Eventually I find a plain brown shirt and a pair of jeans with only one tomato sauce stain. Alright, I’m passable now at least. That’ll get Agatha’s attention just because it’s so out of character for who I am in this time. I open the old pickle jar where I keep all my change and scrounge together about 20 quid. Should be enough for flowers, especially before the 2008 crash. The exchange rate is the only thing I miss about the past, honestly.

“Alright,” I mutter to myself, slinging my bookbag over my shoulder, “decent clothes, okay hair, pocket change, bag to hold flowers. Let’s do this.”

I walk out my front door feeling confident, hopefully not too much. Can’t get a big head. Need to focus on Agatha.

“Simon, mate.” I turn around to see Rhys wheeling out of his flat. “What’s up? Heard a lot of shouting earlier, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m cool, man. Agatha and I broke up and things got messy.”

He inhales sharply between his teeth. “Yikes. Sorry to hear that. Can’t believe she dumped you for that snotty prep.”

I stand ramrod straight, then spin around on my heels to face him properly. “What snotty prep?”

“Oh you didn’t know?”

“Didn’t know what?!”

Rhys raises his hands in surrender. “Whoa, take it easy, man.”

Shit. Reel in your temper, Simon, don’t explode. “Sorry, sorry, mate. Just, what are you talking about with this prep?”

“Yeah, this preppy pretty boy Agatha sits next to in our romantic literature and creative writing classes. They’ve always got their heads together. I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my business, but then you said you two broke up, so...”

“So you thought she told me, got it.” I rub my temples. Headache is coming back. “Do you know who he is?”

Rhys scratches the side of his head. “Yeah, think so. Tall, dark-ish skin, grey eyes, posh accent, even more posh clothes. Name starts with a T. Terrence, Terry, Tyler-” He snaps his fingers and points at me. “Ty! That’s it!”

My face scrunches up. “Ty? Ty what?”

“Dunno. Just Ty, I guess. Like Madonna. Dude thinks he’s better than fucking everyone just because he’s rich or something.”

My blood boils to a fever pitch. So Agatha broke up with me for someone prettier and richer. She said it was my fault because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Mission failed, because I am fucking gutted.

“Thanks for telling me, mate,” I say, holding out my fist to him. He bumps his own against mine. “Really appreciate it.”

“Sure thing, mate. Come have a beer with us to commiserate?”

I chuckle. “Yeah, but you may have to remind me later. Brain like sieve.”

“Gotchu. See ya.”

“See ya.”

Rhys rolls down the hall towards Gareth’s. Right, it’s their weekly beer and footie night. I would hang out with them sometimes. I miss that. I should call them when I’m back in 2015. Right now though, I have a mission.

———————————————

Finding Ty will be pretty easy. I know when Agatha and Rhys’ creative writing class is, which is in a couple of minutes. (Rhys skipped a lot of class. Luckily he was a genius so he graduated at the top of our year. And Agatha never went to class when she was upset, so I know I won’t see her.) I run over to the building I know it’s in, a massive hall made from dingy grey stone and filled with caffeine addicted twenty somethings. Then I sit by a tree, waiting to see someone like Rhys described. Oh and when I find him I’ll- Well, I’ll do something. Not sure yet but it’ll be something!

Droves of zombified uni students pass me by. None of them look posh and preppy enough to be like this Ty dude. He sounds like such a twat. What the fuck does Agatha see in him? (Or did see in him, I guess. Time travel is weird.) Maybe Agatha is still with him. Maybe they went to California together. She talked about me going with her for a bit, but I was scared to leave England. I don’t regret staying, but I do regret the crushed look on her face.

The guy passes by me. He looks ridiculous, wearing oxfords, black slacks, and a goddamn tweed jacket with leather patches on the sleeves. It’s the preppiest posh shit I’ve ever seen. I can see his hands, curled around his textbook, and his slicked back hair. Dark-ish skin and ear length black hair. I’m on my feet in an instant.

“Hey!” I shout. He doesn’t move. “Hey, Ty! I’m talking to you!”

He finally turns around, and my heart stops for a second. Holy shit. This guy is beautiful. Like, super model on the cover of a high end fashion magazine gorgeous. He’s got cheekbones sharp enough to cut glass and his eyes aren’t just grey, they’re green and blue mixed together. Like deep ocean water. And right now they’re staring at me like I’ve lost my goddamn mind.

“Yes?” he says. His voice is smooth, strong, really pretty. “You called my name?”

I shake off my small gay panic (technically pansexual panic) and my anger returns. I glare hard at him. “Yeah, I did. My name is Simon Snow, Agatha’s boyfriend.”

His confusion quickly switches to stone faced boredom. “Oh you’re the boyfriend. Well, the ex-boyfriend now, according to the text Agatha sent me.” He tilts his head to the side, ocean eyes scanning me over. “I thought you’d be taller.”

My body feels like it’s on fire. This guy may be hot but he’s a total prick. How could Agatha dump me for him?! “Who do you think you are, huh? Flirting with someone’s girlfriend? That’s fucking low, you pathetic shit!”

He scoffs, putting on hand on his hip. “Very well spoken. If you’re done with your little alpha male display, I have a class to get to.”

Ty turns away. I’m ready to explode. I haven’t felt this angry in years but this guy is getting so under my skin. I grab his shoulder and force him to look at me.

“You don’t get to walk away, dick!” I roar. “Do you think you’re better than me?! Well you’re not!”

“I’m not the one shouting at a random stranger on the quad.”

“I’m shouting because you stole my girlfriend!”

“I didn’t steal her, you sexist shit,” he hisses. “She’s my  friend. Are you the kind of arse to not allow his girlfriend to have friends?”

“No! And I’m not sexist! I just don’t like someone flirting with the girl I was with when I was with her, especially when you’re all...posh and shit!”

Ty scoffs again and leans forward. “Well, at least I don’t wear dirty jeans out in public. I have more self respect than that.”

My entire body explodes in a way it hasn’t in ages. My vision goes completely fucking red. I shove Ty, hard. Way harder than I mean to. He stumbles backwards, dropping his books on the grass. He looks at me in utter shock.

“What the fuck?!” Ty shouts. He then shoves my shoulders, and I stumble five steps back. Holy shit, he’s strong. 

“Fuck you!” I shout back. I charge forward with all my might. Ty blocks me but that doesn’t stop me. I claw and push and pull at him, no clue what I’m doing at all. I’m just so angry and pushing it all at him. He pushes back just as hard. Neither of us will give an inch. We scrabble like a pair of cats. I can’t think, I just feel. I'm so angry and sad and worthless because...because....

Because I’m losing my friend again. And I don’t know what to do.

My hits get weaker and weaker. All the energy dribbles out like a melting ice cream in July. As I slow down, Ty stops pushing back. My arms fall down at my sides. His hands rest awkwardly on my shoulders.

“Uh,” he says, “are you alright?”

“No,” I choke out. Tears fill my eyes and cloud my vision. “No, I’m not.”

I break down, crying with heavy, ugly sobs. Everything is just collapsing in and around me. I really am losing Agatha all over again. It hurts even more this time. I’ve never fallen apart this badly on a regret. But everything from the past and present, losing all my partners in the past year then Agatha again, is just hitting me in one terrible mental blow.

“Oh shit,” he says. “Um...” I feel his hand move off my shoulder and slowly pat my head. “There, there?”

I snort like one of the kids I teach. I pull back, wiping the still flowing tears under my eye. “Seriously? That’s the best you can do?”

Though it’s a bit hard to tell, I think Ty’s face flushes. He crosses his arms defiantly. “Well, what the fuck are you supposed to do when a stranger attacks you then breaks down crying?”

I shrug. “Dunno, really. This is new for me too.”

Ty rubs the back of his neck, shuffling his polished oxfords in the dirt. I’m still sniffling like a child. “You want to go somewhere private? Where no one can see you?”

My eyes catch a couple of people glancing and outright staring at us. Or just at me. I nod vigorously. “Yeah, that would be good.”

Ty collects up the books I knocked out of his hands. He jerks his head to the side, and I follow behind him. Tears are still streaming down my face. They won’t stop no matter how hard I try. Ty leads us through a secluded area, past large trees and bushes, until we reach a completely hidden, beautiful ravine. Holy shit. Was this always here? I went to this uni for three years and I have no memory of this place. Either I’m super oblivious or getting old. (Probably both.)

We go past a couple more bushes until we come upon a ramshackle rainbow coloured bench against some trees. It looks handmade by some stoned out art major. The mess of cigarette and joint butts on the ground only reinforces that theory. Ty sits on one end of the bench. I take the other, but we’re still pretty close. It’s not very big. We sit in silence for a bit, save for my continued sniffling. Something bumps my arm. I look down to see Ty’s long fingered hand holding out a cigarette pack.

“Want one?” he asks.

“Smoking is bad for you,” I say automatically.

“Like you’re one to talk. You reek of marijuana”

“Fuck, really?” I sniff my shirt collar and get a whiff of weed. I groan, letting my head fall back against the tree. “Dammit. Thought this one was clean.”

“Unfortunately not.” He shakes the box. “You want one or no?”

I sigh and pluck a stick out of the box. Ty takes one as well, then pulls out a pristine silver Zippo lighter. He lights us both with one flame. I watch the paper crinkle and shrivel away into ash. I’m a bit nervous. Technically, I haven’t smoked anything in over a decade. Hopefully I can depend on past me’s muscle memory. 

Ty takes a long, deep draft and breathes out a long puff of smoke. I try to mimic him. My lungs burn with the heat of twin suns. I wheeze out, thumping my chest. Ty throws his head back laughing,  hair touching his neck.

“You must be a shitty stoner,” he chuckles.

“Yeah,” I cough, “never been great at inhaling.”

“Bring it into your mouth, then your lungs. Don’t do it all once.”

I nod, even though I kind of knew that. Just been awhile. I smoked a few joints but I preferred my old bong. But I try again, doing what Ty said. This time I only cough a little instead of wheezing like the world’s most pathetic dragon.

“There you go,” Ty drawls. He’s definitely mocking me a little.

“Fuck off.”

“Christ, what bug crawled up your arse?”

I glare at him, and his face is completely unaffected. “The bug that Agatha broke up with me for you.”

He scoffs, flicking cigarette ash on the ground. “Your  ex- girlfriend did not break up with you to be with me. We’re only friends. I’d never date her.”

“That’s mean, Agatha is amazing.”

Ty rolls his eyes dramatically. “It has nothing to do with Agatha. She’s wonderful. I just don’t like women.”

My eyes grow wider than saucer plates “You’re gay?”

He cocks an eyebrow. How did he get so good at that? Does he practice in the mirror? “You have a problem with that, Snow?”

“No, no, of course not. Just didn’t realise...”

“It’s not like I’m hiding it.” He gestures to his perfectly pressed button down, spotless navy slacks, and polished Oxfords. Okay, he has a point, most straight men don’t take such meticulous care of their clothes. 2003 closeted me had the excuse of being heteronormative as fuck, but 2015 pansexual me needs to work on his gaydar.

“I, uh, didn’t want to assume...” Usually a safe answer in my experience.

“How noble.” Ty takes a long drag. I still hate cigarettes, but the way his lips fit around the smoke plume is kind of attractive. “Agatha knows I’m gay. I told her after she almost kissed me.”

“What?!” I throw down the cigarette and shoot to my feet. The fire in my gut is back, along with the sense of utter worthlessness. I fucked up so badly, made Agatha so miserable, that she nearly kissed a gay bloke. I feel so awful and confused and I don’t know what I'm supposed to do, I’m just mad.

He rolls his eyes,  again. “Sit down, alpha male, I said ‘almost.’ I’m not even sure she realised what she was doing, we were both completely pissed. She leaned forward slightly and I blurted out that I was gay. Then she promptly burst into tears.”

My heart feels like someone has reached inside and twisted every vein. My arms relax at my sides. “She...she was crying?”

“Yes, quite heavily.” He taps the cig with one long, graceful finger. (Does he play piano? He should.) “She said she was sorry, then blubbered for an hour about how conflicted she felt about wanting to break up with you.”

The impact of those words send me back down onto the bench. My whole body feels heavier than lead. “She felt conflicted?”

“Of course she did.”

“I-I thought this was easy for her. That our relationship was already going downhill, then I did something so bad she decided to end it. And then I thought it was because she found you, someone better than me.”

Ty scoffs. “My god, she was right, you are completely oblivious.”

I scowl at him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You’re so blind to what you’ve been doing.”

“What’ve I been doing?!”

“You’ve been a terrible boyfriend!” he yells. “You’re forgetful, you miss things, you don’t pay attention to Agatha, and most of all you take her for granted!” He sighs, rolling the half finished cig between his fingers. “Ags says you don’t mean to do it, you’re just oblivious, but she’s still hurt. There isn’t one bad thing you did, Snow. You’ve been hurting her for awhile.”

Every word is slap to the face. My body literally aches with all the guilt I feel. Ty is right. I was an awful,  awful boyfriend. Every missed date, every burnt meal, every stupid thing I’ve ever said, they all rush into me. Fucking hell. How could I have not seen it? I always had reasons, and they were always small things. But I guess a lot of small things pile up.

“Fuck,” I choke out. Tears make little wet spots on the dirt floor. I don’t know when I started crying again. God, I’m a mess.

“Please don’t cry,” Ty says, sounding almost sympathetic. “I only have so many cigarettes.”

That makes a laugh surprisingly fly out of my mouth. Yet I’m still picking at my nails, flicking away bits of my cuticle like I want to get rid of my pain. I’m nervously babbling before I even realise it. “My brain’s always filled with...stuff. Keeping my scholarship, keeping my job, working towards my future. E-Everything’s always been about my future, what I’ll do eventually, even with Agatha. She was supposed to be my happy ending after all the shit I’ve been through.”

“She’s a person,” he mutters, “not your goal.”

“I know that!” I rub away more tears. “Well, I’m learning. I dunno. I-I had a shitty childhood, okay? So I’m always waiting for things to get better. And I thought if I did well at school and found a nice girl, things would just fall into place. Turns out shit is more complicated than that.”

I laugh to try to break the tension, but Ty stays silent. I cautiously flick my eyes over to him. He’s still holding his cigarette. It’s burnt down to the filter. His face is stone again, yet I can see the slight tremor in his fingers. It’s miniscule but it’s there. I don’t think he’s okay, but I barely know this guy, I’m scared to ask.

“I don’t know how to fix things with Agatha,” I sigh. “I’m bad at talking, bad at relationships, sometimes bad at friendships. It’s not like I want her back. I...I just want her in life. She’s amazing. I don’t- I can’t lose her again.”

“Again?” he says. My face goes bright red and my breath hitches. Fuck. Stupid time travel, screwing things up.

“Y-Yeah, we’ve had fights before, stopped talking for a while. I know this feeling, I hate it. I want her to be in my life and be happy and I don’t know how to do that!”

“Tell her that.”

I face him, blinking in confusion. “What?”

Ty sighs and flicks the butt onto the ground, crushing it beneath the toe of his utterly perfect oxford. “Tell her that. Say you’re scared and clueless but you want to still be friends, so you want to figure out how to do that. Be honest. What else are you going to do?”

My mouth flaps up and down. Fuck. It’s so damn obvious yet it never came to mind. I thought I needed something big and smart so Agatha would understand. But... “All I need to do is be honest with her.”

“Exactly.”

I smile for the first time since I got here. “Wow, can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”

“You do seem to be a bit thick.” His slight smirk and teasing lilt save me from getting angry. I scoff and shake my head.

“Yeah, well, you seem like a bit of a prick.” He scoffs too, but he’s still smiling.

We sit there in silence for a little. All I can hear is birds chirping and students in the distance. I feel calm. So calm I don’t want to get up for a while. I just want to catch my breath. Ty slowly tilts his head back over the bench.

“I haven’t sat down in awhile,” he says quietly, almost as if to himself, but too loud for me not to hear. “I’m always at class or studying. I don’t sit down and just...sit.”

“Well you haven’t really been only sitting,” I chuckle. “You’ve been helping me.”

“Would it be sad that this has actually been the most relaxing time I’ve had in months?”

“Uh, yeah, and a bit concerning.”

Ty laughs a little louder this time. His smile seems a bit more genuine, but his pretty eyes are a bit sad. It may just be his face. It looks like it’s designed for pouting. “I’m a political science and English double major getting ready for law school. My whole life is stress.”

I chuckle sadly. “Sounds like a nightmare.”

“It is. A nightmare I chose...” He spins the cigarette pack between two fingers. I know he’s just fiddling but it looks so damn cool when he does it.

“Doesn’t seem like you’re happy about that choice.”

His eyes shift over to me without moving his head. “Since when do you know anything about my feelings?”

I shrug, crossing my arms. “I usually know what sadness looks like.”

Ty sighs. He rubs his temple slowly with his elegant ring finger. (What is with my finger fetish today?) “Ever since I was little, it was expected that I follow in the family tradition. Get perfect grades, go to a good university, go to an even better law school, become a lawyer, then finally take over the family practice. It’s what my mother did. It’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Doesn’t matter what I want,” he scoffs.

I tilt my head towards him, but not too close to scare him away. “Well, if you could do what you want, what would you do?”

“I told you, it doesn’t mat-”

“Then pretend it does matter. What would you do for the rest of your life?”

Ty sinks further into the bench. It makes his stupid tweed jacket bunch up slightly, and he almost looks like a normal young adult. “Honestly, I just want to read books forever.”

I giggle quietly, and Ty glares at me with a now obvious flush in his cheeks. “Fuck off,” he snarls.

“I’m not laughing at you!” He doesn’t look convinced. “It’s just, when I first saw you, I never expected you to be a total bookworm. You seem too posh for that.” Ty snorts, keeping his arms crossed. He won’t meet my eyes. I lean closer, and he doesn’t back away. “Reading books forever sounds hellish to me, but it sounds like heaven for you. It’s a great idea. Why not do it?”

Ty’s glare somehow gets even more intense. His eyes are just slivers of beautiful grey. “Because I’m a responsible person, unlike you.”

The words hit me right in the gut. I scowl deeply at him. “That is beyond not okay. You don’t know me, you don’t know my life. So you don’t get to spew shit like that just because you’re pissed off. Got it?”

Honestly, I’m surprised how clear and articulate I’m being. A year with Dr. Margaret has made it a lot easier for me to stand up for myself in a meaningful way, not just with growls and punching. But still, it’s hard, and I did this so easily. I’ve really made progress.

Ty scowls back, but I don’t back down. I’ve always been good at standing my ground, thankfully. Slowly, Ty’s face falls and gets less angry. In fact, he looks a bit regretful. We slowly move apart again. He takes a few deep breaths before he finally speaks again.

“You’re right,” he says, “I’m sorry.”

“Good, apology accepted.” I lean my cheek onto my fist. “Seems both of us are having trouble with our futures.”

“Mine is secure.”

“But not happy.”

He rubs his lips together, like he’s chewing his words. “That doesn’t matter.”

“Why not? Why not do what you want instead?”

“Because I’ve already applied to law school!”

“Okay.” I put my back to the bench again, staring up at the sky through the trees. “Well, I’m nearly done with my maths and am about to start my teaching degrees. Then I've got a private school job lined up, but who knows? Maybe I’ll hate the job and quit and work at shitty customer service jobs for years until I decide to get my shit together and find an actually good teaching gig at a school I like.”

Ty’s dark brows furrow together. “That is extremely specific.”

I shrug, hoping my smirk doesn't say too much. “I don’t know, just a possibility.”

“Alright,” he snorts. “My life will be fine, it won’t go off the rails.”

He looks so sure and resolute. I don’t think I’m going to change his mind, and I don’t think it’s my job to. I can’t save everyone, something Dr. Margaret taught me. Plus I just met this guy. No matter how pretty he is, I don’t know him. (Wish I did.) Hopefully he can figure out his own shit.

“Okay. Your life, you can figure it all out.” I put my hands behind my head, leaning back, staring at the sky.

“Your life is going to be fine,” Ty says. “Agatha says that despite what you think, you’re smart. And I’m partial to agree. You have trouble with relationships, but who doesn’t? You’ve still got a good head on your shoulders. You’ll figure everything out too.”

I can feel my face turns bright red, and from the smirk on Ty’s face he can see it. I rub the back of my neck, trying to use my arm to hide my blush. “Y’know, I get why Agatha liked you. You’re weirdly nice and, well, really hot.”

Now it’s Ty’s turn to have his eyes go wide. He looks very cute. “Wow, you’re pretty forward for a straight guy.”

“Whoever said I was straight?” I smirk at him with one eyebrow raised. I hope I look confident and sexy and not just fucking weird.

“Oh.” His voice is almost a squeak. “I’m sorry I assumed.”

“S’alright, common mistake.” I look down at my stupid Nokia. “Wow, you’re beyond late for your class.”

Ty scoffs. “And who’s fault is that?”

“Okay, yeah, guilty as charged. You should probably get to it though. Need good grades for law school and all.”

“Yes, good point.” He stands up, and I follow, hands in my pockets. I both hate and love that Ty is a little taller than me. “But...it was nice to talk to you, Snow.”

“Feeling’s mutual, Ty. So, uh, see you around.”

I grin brightly, then turn around before I say something really stupid. I usually do in front of pretty people. Plus I need to see Agatha. That’s why I’m here, back in 2003. I’m not supposed to be chasing after a pretty guy who went to my uni ages ago. Even if he is like,  really pretty.

“Simon.” His voice makes me stop in my tracks and turn back.

“Yeah?”

Ty steps forward and holds out a scrap of lined paper. “Since you’re newly single, and now I know you’re not straight, give me a call sometime? If you’re up to it, that is.”

My brain completely short circuits. Blows a fuse. Maybe every fuse. I just stare at Ty with my mouth hanging open for a bit too long. Ty starts to look genuinely concerned. But thankfully the synapses start firing again and I shake it off.

“Um, y-yeah,” I say. “Yeah, I would like that.” I take the paper. “Uh, thank you.”

“You’re most welcome. I hope to see you around as well.”

I watch as he walks away, and I’m mesmerised by the way his hips swing. Fuck, he is so hot. And he likes  me. I honestly have no clue why but I’m not going to question it. I have to make sure to call him before I go back to 2020. But right now I have to find Agatha, so I carefully put the paper in the smallest pocket of my bag, then dash off towards Aggie’s dorm.

———————————————

I knock on the door softly, and there’s no answer at first. “Aggie?” I say. “I came here to say I’m sorry. I won’t yell, I promise.”

Still silence at first. I nearly leave, but then the sound of soft footsteps comes from under the door. The doorknob slowly turns and my pulse increases every second. Agatha is wearing her purple Watford lacrosse sweater, a pair of my trackies that I left behind last week, and blonde hair piled up in a bun. Her eyes are puffy and her cheeks are red. My stomach drops at the sight.

“What are you sorry for?” she asks, voice low and flat. She sounds more tired than angry. For some reason that hurts even more.

I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry for how I treated you, Ags. Our relationship didn’t fall apart for no reason. I didn’t pay attention to what you wanted and took you for granted. I was a terrible boyfriend. And I’m really, really sorry.” I start nervously pulling at my hair. “I-I’m not saying we should get back together. We weren’t happy, and you deserve someone who will put you first. But I still want to be your friend. You’re one of my first and best friends. I’m not sure how to do that, considering I was such an shit boyfriend, but can we figure it out? Together?”

Agatha rubs her lips together, taking slow deep breaths. Her fingers tap against the door one by one. I don’t know if I’m going to throw up or run or both. All are possible. But then Agatha nods slowly.

“Okay,” she sighs.

“Okay?”

“Let’s try to be friends again. I don’t want to lose you either.”

I grin ear to ear. “Okay, awesome, that’s great. I’m so glad you want to as well. I do love you, Ags, and I’m sorry I hurt you so much.”

“Apology accepted, Si, so you don’t need to do it anymore. Let’s just move forward, alright?”

“Alright, yeah, I’d like that.” I rub my neck and nervously gnaw at my lip. “Um, could I hug you? As a friend?”

She smiles softly. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her smile. Not just because I’m from the future, but I can’t remember the last time she smiled back when we were together. I hope I can make her smile more now.

“Yeah,” she says, “that would be nice.”

We both step forward and throw our arms around each other. I haven’t hugged Agatha in a long time either. Sure, we snogged and had sex, (though not very often honestly), but this is so much better. There’s no pressure or nerves. It feels normal. The most normal I’ve ever felt with her.

As we slowly part, we’re still smiling. “You,” Agatha pokes my chest, “need to study for your exam on Monday.”

I chuckle and nod, being silently thankful  I’m not doing that exam again. Once was more than enough. “Yeah, I know. This felt more important though. You’re more important.”

She blinks in confusion. I can’t blame her. Past me was always too focused on my work so that I could reach the happy ending I always wanted. Future me is figuring out that there is no happy ending. There’s just life, and I have to make it what I want, not just wait for happiness to fall into my lap. I haven’t got it down pat but I’m getting there. That’s more than good enough.

“Well, I’m definitely glad to hear that,” Agatha says. “Call me tomorrow. We’ll go get brunch, okay?”

I nod enthusiastically. “Sounds great.” The voice in the back of my head reminds me about the small fact of time travel, and that when I go back to 2015, past me is only going to remember bits and pieces of this day. “But, uh, studying may fry my brain. So could you maybe call instead? And I’ll call next time?”

Agatha sighs with exasperation, but she’s still smiling. “Alright, that’s a valid excuse.” She presses a small kiss to my cheek. It’s completely platonic, and it feels great. “See you later, Simon.”

“Yeah, definitely.” I hug her tight one more time before I go. She gives me a kind wave before closing her door. I’m grinning like a mad man as I walk down the hell. I did it, I saved my friendship with Agatha. I’m so damn happy. Plus I met Ty.

Oh right. I reach into my bookbag, feeling around for my notebook. My hand curls over the rings of the spine as I push open the stairwell door. And I instantly fall face first onto the dirty public school floor.

“Mr, Snow!” Ms. Petty, the nicest janitor in the entire school, possibly in the whole world, rushes to me. “Are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” I say. “I’m fine. Just clumsy.”

“Here, let me help.”

I take her hand and she hoists me to my feet. I still feel a bit dizzy, a small side effect of time travel I know all too well now. Ms. Petty keeps a hand on my back until I regain my bearings. “Alright, I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll be alright.”

“Okay, dearie.” She pats my shoulder. “Go get some rest, get your mind off work.”

“Right, yeah, work...”

Ebb gives me one last comforting pat and goes back to sweeping the hallway floor. I wave at her as I leave, hoping she doesn’t see the distress in my face. 

Fuck.

———————————————

AN: Chapter 2 will be posted within the next week, i.e whenever I'm well enough to edit it lol. See you all next time!

[thinkyoureholy]

Fragile Figures [3]

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Pairing : Choi San / [fem] Reader

Genre : Angst, Violence, Language, Fluff, Smut, Character Death?, Mafia! AU, Hired Assassin! AU

Words : 4k

Pt 1. Pt 2. Pt 3. Pt 4. Pt 5. Pt 6. Pt 7. Pt 8. Pt 9. Pt 10. Pt 11. Pt 12.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

  -Y/N's P.O.V-

I stared at the door to my office intently, my mind in shambles. It had been weeks, weeks, since that kiss with San and I have never felt more conflicted in my life. On one hand that kiss felt so amazing I wanted nothing more than to drag him into this room and fuck him on the desk until neither of us could move but on the other hand I wanted to slap the shit out of him and ban him from ever coming here again. What infuriates me the most is that he's acting like nothing happened. What’s worse is that he’s been gone for a few weeks and all I can think about is that damned kiss and those last few words he said to me before he left.

-3 Weeks Ago-

I leaned against the door frame, crossing my arms over my chest as I stared over at San who was saying his farewells to the guys. He came to me saying he’d be out of reach for the next few weeks, a few clients needed his services and he couldn’t possibly refuse, or so he says. He went on about them being his top paying clients, saying they didn’t call him often but when they did they offered him five times more than what he charged, the only con is that these jobs would usually take place outside of the country so he had to leave for weeks, even months at a time. 

I have no idea why he felt the need to tell me all this, I only paid him when I needed him and even then those times are becoming less and less with each passing day. He’s done such a good job I haven’t had the need to give him another name. Yunho had hinted at giving Kanda’s name but I refused. Kanda was mine to kill. I wanted my face to be the last thing he ever saw.

“Here to see me off, darling?” 

San’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts, my eyes focusing in on his face. A smug smile pulled at the corners of his lips when our eyes met, a scoff falling from my lips at the sight of it.

“Yeah, here to see that you finally get off my property.” I sneered, pushing myself off the door frame.

He chuckled at my words, clasping his hands behind his back as he took a step forward, the distance between us no more than a few inches. I felt my heart speed up at our close proximity, a curse sounding loudly in my head at the feeling of my stupid heart. He must’ve known what he was doing to me as he stared at me with eyes that shone so brightly I could hardly keep up the eye contact but I refused to look away. He chuckled once more after another few seconds of his staring, showing me a toothy grin.

“Aw c’mon now, darling. I know you just love having me around.” He teased, leaning forward ever so slightly. 

I set my jaw, ignoring the way my heart skipped a beat, "Is that so?"

He nodded, tilting his head to the side the tiniest amount. His eyes scanned my face, lingering on my lips. His tongue darted out to swipe across his bottom lip for a moment before he lifted his gaze to meet my eyes once more.

"If you didn't want me around you'd have your boys chase me out of here and they'd do it the moment you gave the order, no questions asked. In fact, my good friend Yunho would be the first to shove me out the door too...isn't that right?"

I said nothing, keeping my mouth shut as he let out a deep breath before continuing.

He grinned, almost devilishly as he leaned in, his lips brushing against the skin of my ear, "Believe me if it was anyone else I'd have disappeared already...but there's something about you that intrigues me. And I plan on sticking around until I've satisfied my curiosity."

He chuckled softly at the way I tensed up at his words, his breath hitting my skin. And before I could pull away to give him my deadliest glare he placed a lingering kiss to the spot just below my ear, the action causing a blush to spread across my cheeks. He finally pulled away on his own after a moment, his fingers tucking themselves under my chin, asking for my attention as he gazed into my eyes.

"I'll be back in a few weeks time, a month at the most...don't go getting yourself killed before I get back because when I finally get back…" He trailed off, his thumb swiping across my bottom lip, "I'm finally going to kiss you while sober...and judging by the look in your eyes, I won't be the one that'll be making the first move either."

-present time-

I groaned as I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head to rid myself of those memories. I must've been so far in my head that I didn't hear the door open, only noticing someone else was in the room when they knocked on the desk. My head shot up at the sound, my eyes meeting Yunho's. 

"What's gotten into you?" He asked, raising a brow.

I groaned once more, rubbing my hands over my face as I sat back, "Nothing...nothing at all."

"Okay…" He trailed off, not buying my excuse but he let it go for the time being, "Anyways...I've managed to track Kanda down."

My ears perked up at the sound of that, my hands coming down to rest on my lap as I looked up at him, "You've been tracking him?"

Yunho shuffled on his feet nervously, bowing his head slightly at the look I was giving him. I had given each and every one of them strict orders to not do anything against Kanda, I didn't want him figuring it out and hunting them down. I set my jaw at the thought of any of them disobeying me. I didn't have many rules but when it came to Kanda I was as strict as can be. It disappointed me when they didn't follow the few things I asked of them. 

"Yunho-"

"Y/N, I didn't get caught. I was careful and look I even got some good information." He cut my off quickly, handing me a folder but I didn't take it. 

I simply stared down at his outstretched hand, a frown etched onto my face. After a few seconds of me not taking it he set it down. I inhaled sharply, trying to control myself and not lash out at him but that idea flew out the window when he spoke up again.

"Y/N you can't do this on your own…"

"And why the hell not?" I spat out, finally looking up at him with my deadliest glare, "You think I'm incapable of tracking this son of a bitch down on my own? You think I'll die if I try?"

"I didn't say that." He said with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair.

"Then what? Look Yunho, I don't ask much of any of you, you especially, but you deliberately go against the one order I have given you. This is the one thing you can not go against me on, I won't allow it."

"But-"

"No! Don't you understand?! I won't lose you!" I shouted, cutting him off as I rose to my feet, slamming my hands down on the desk, "I can't...lose any of you. I'm done burying people…"

Yunho looked down, swallowing his words once he saw the look in my eyes. I stared at him for a moment longer before a heavy sigh fell from my lips, relaxing my tense shoulders.

"I want you to forget about Kanda for now, that’s an order."

"You know I can't do that, Y/N, not after everything he's done to you." He muttered under his breath.

I opened my mouth to scold him once more but before I could get a word out he turned on his heel and walked straight out of my office. I set my jaw at his disobedience, swiping my arm across the top of my desk in a bout of anger. Everything that lay on top of the desk now lay on the ground, all the papers were strewn all over the place. I plopped down into my seat, rubbing my hands over my face. Not only was this San stuff plaguing my mind but now I had to deal with Yunho trying to go after Kanda on his own. I know Yunho just wanted to help and I was grateful but at the end of the day I wanted him to stay as far away from this whole Kanda business as possible. I groaned low in my throat and stared down at the papers that were scattered on the floor, a few words on top of the paper that lay on top of the pile catching my eyes. My whole body relaxed as I let out a breathy sigh, leaning back in my chair as my face softened.

Ilsan

That idiot...he’s a lot closer than I thought. I reached down and grabbed the piece of paper, reading over what he had written. I couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at the corners of my lips as I pulled out a folder from one of the desk drawers. I opened it up and compared it to the piece of paper, seeing that they were almost identical. It was scary how the two of us thought so similarly but at the same time this was one of the reasons why Yunho was so valuable to me. I was planning on going after Kanda by the end of the week after I gathered some more information but after seeing this I’d have to do it much sooner than planned.

……

I pulled the hood of my sweater over my head as I walked through the dark streets of Ilsan. I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I looked up at the building in front of me with a frown. Kanda really picked one hell of a place to hide out in. Ilsan wasn't a dump by any means but the apartment building I was now looking up at had seen better days. 

I set my jaw as I stared at a window on the second floor, seeing only one apartment lit up. I had done a little digging into this apartment building and it's residents only to find out less than five people were renting a place here. I found it odd how there were so little people at a place that had about thirty apartments open and unused. But this just raised suspicions. Something must be going on here for there to only be five people paying rent here, Kanda being one of them. There was no doubt in my mind that if something fishy was going on here it was because of Kanda's doing.

With a sigh I headed into the building, noting how dimly lit the first floor was. I clutched onto the switch knife in my pocket tightly, ready to pull it out at any minute. My eyes darted around the room quickly, checking all my exits and evaluating my surroundings. The one skill I can say that I'm proud of is my ability to scan an area quickly to assess any threats that might be in the area. On this first floor I saw no such threat, the floor was completely empty. I kept my guard up nonetheless, very aware of the metal of my gun pressing up against my back, the pistol tucked safely into the waistband of my jeans. 

It took me no less than a minute to get to the second floor, standing before the door I knew Kanda was behind. If my intel was correct he should be here. I inhaled sharply, taking a step back to give myself some room to kick the door open but before I could do so I paused, thinking back to Yunho. 

‘Sorry Yun...this is one you’ll have to sit out of.’

With that as my last thought I kicked down the door, the door slamming against the wall behind it, the wood of the door frame splintered by the forced entry. I pulled out my gun and walked into the apartment, noticing how quiet it was. I had barely gotten through the front door when a hand wrapped around my wrist, yanking me further into the apartment. I was thrown to the floor but I didn’t stay down for longer. I rolled over my own shoulder, facing them as I kneeled before them stared up at him, my eyes narrowing as they met Kanda’s sharp ones. He smirked, pointing a gun at me. The look on his face told me he was expecting me. He either must have eyes on me, tracking my every move or he had security cameras set up in this building. I really want the first option to be a lie, formed by my own paranoia, choosing to believe in the second option.

"Pretty gutsy of you to come to me don't you think?"

I grit my teeth at seeing the grin on his face, "I'd say I kept you waiting far too long."

He chuckled at that, his eyes shining as he stared down at me, "Well I can't say I didn't expect it. How's Yunho doing by the way? Is the dog finally dead or has he managed to cheat death once again like the cockroach he really is…"

I clenched my fists at his words, my body shaking with rage. Damn him. And without thinking I moved, my body moving on it's own. Kanda let out two shots but to my surprise, none of them hit me as I rolled out of the way. I chuckled to myself, Kanda always was a lousy shot. With that in mind I pushed myself off the floor and ran straight at him, firing off a couple shots of my own. Kanda might be a lousy shot but his reflexes weren't so lousy. He managed to evade each bullet that came his way, discarding his gun as he grabbed my wrist in his hand. He squeezed my wrist until I was forced to let go of my gun. I grit my teeth as I swung my leg up. Kanda smirked as he dodged the hit, throwing me over his shoulder and slammed me roughly into the floor, delivering a blow to my face at the same time my back hit the floor. I groaned low in my throat but I refused to let him beat me. I clenched my teeth as I swung my free arm up, my fist hitting him straight in the chest. He stumbled back at the blow, letting me go as he gasped for air. 

“Fucking bitch…” He let out, his voice strained as he tried to get air into his lungs.

I ignored his words and got to my feet, pulling out my switchblade, “You’re not getting away from me this time,” I all but growled as I charged at him but he had something up his sleeve, like always.

He rose to his feet before I could get to him, running at me. He ducked out of the way of my swinging arm, ducking down low enough to tackle me around the waist but I didn’t fall to the ground...no he pushed me out the window. I didn’t even know what was happening until I was falling. My back took most if not all of the impact as it hit a dumpster that sat out in the alley. I let out a groan of pain, my lungs not getting sufficient oxygen, the air being knocked out of me on impact. I rolled over, my whole body in agony but what hurt most was my left leg. I looked down, seeing my own switchblade embedded deep in the flesh of my thigh. I reached down to try and take it out but it was too painful. I swallowed back the tears that wanted to come out, the pain beginning to numb my entire body. I gave up on trying to pull the blade out, laying back and staring up into the apartment I had just been thrown out of. If we were a few more stories up I would’ve sustained more damage or worse, I could’ve died.

“I don’t intend of dying right now...I have too much left to do.” Kanda murmured, looking down at me from the broken window before turning his back on me.

-

I don’t know when I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep but I do know I wasn’t out for that long. I looked up at the dark night sky, my body aching from head to toe.

I have to move.

I thought this over and over until I finally mustered up enough strength to move, biting my tongue to keep in the scream that wanted to crawl its way out of my throat. With much difficulty I finally got down from the dumpster but the more I move the more my vision spun. This isn’t good...there’s no way I’d make it back to the house on my own in the condition I was in. I cursed lowly to myself as I leaned against the wall, doing all I could to stay upright and awake. Just as I thought I was going to pass out again I heard my name being called out. I looked up through narrowed  eyes, trying to see who it was, surprised to see a face I hadn’t seen in weeks.

Wait, is he blonde now?

“Choi San?” 

I pushed myself off the wall, swaying from side to side before my legs finally gave out from under me. I waited to hit the ground with closed eyes but the impact never came. I opened my eyes to see that he had caught me before I could hit the ground, an unreadable expression on his face.

“What are you doing here?”

He didn’t answer for a long while, his eyes scanning over my entire body. The way he looked at me now was nothing compared to how he would look at me before. Now, he looked absolutely livid as his eyes took in each one of my injuries.

“I should be the one asking you that...just what the hell happened to you?” He asked through clenched teeth, his hold on me tightening ever so slightly.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?! This isn’t nothing!” He yelled out, his loud voice making me wince.

His face softened at seeing me do so before he sighed. He set me down on the floor before pulling out a bandana from his pocket. He used his teeth to tear it in two, tying the two pieces together before staring down at my thigh. Without a word he reached down, about to grab the handle of the switchblade but I stopped him just before he wrapped his fingers around it, my hand clutching onto his wrist tightly.

“Don’t.”

“Y/N...I need to take it out.” He said, his voice softer than I had ever heard it.

I stared into his eyes for a moment before nodding. Without a word I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his shoulder. He tensed under my touch but he relaxed within seconds.

“Alright...here I go…” He mumbled, before counting down from three.

When he got to one he pulled the blade out. I bit down on the inside of my cheek at the pain, a few tears slipping out of my eyes as I leaned back against the wall. I was breathing heavily as I watched him tie the bandana around my thigh, tying a tight knot.

“You never answered my question…”

He looked up, a brow raised as he grabbed onto both my arms. He turned around and hoisted me onto his back. I ground my teeth together at the pain that ran through my body but I kept quiet, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as I held on tightly.

“What question?”

“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly, laying my chin on my arm, resting my head against his.

He took a moment to answer, his hands squeezing my thighs ever so slightly before he finally opened his mouth, “I just got back and I was on my way over to your place. For some unknown reason I had this gut feeling telling me to go through here...and I’m glad I followed it. Who knows what could’ve happened to you if I had gone the normal way.”

“Seriously San do you not have your own place? Your own people to get back to? I don’t know maybe even a girlfriend...or boyfriend, whatever floats your boat.” I chided, my voice full of nothing short of exasperation.

He chuckled at my words, looking over his shoulder so he could look me in the eye, “Nothing quite floats my boat like you do, darling.”

“You hardly know anything about me.” I deadpanned, watching a coy smile tug at his lips.

“And who’s stopping me from knowing everything about you?”

“Me. I’m stopping you. I’m showing you all the red lights and stop signs. You’re blatantly ignoring all the warning signs I’ve been putting up for the past few months.”

He chuckled once more, looking forward as he began walking again, “You know you’re pretty lively for someone that was about to pass out when I found them.”

As soon as those words sunk in I was reminded of my injuries, the pain making a reappearance. I didn’t know it at the time but San had a way of making me forget about everything, my sole focus on him alone. It was like nothing else in the world matter but him...and his stupid words that made me want to wring his neck but I couldn’t stop myself from joining in on the banter. I never realized how much of a stress reliever he was...until he came back. Maybe I do enjoy having him around…

“Are you going to tell me what you went through to get these injuries?” He asked, his voice cutting into my thoughts.

I kept quiet for a moment before sinking further into his hold, “No.”

He nodded slowly, “Fine. I won’t ask anymore about it...I just want to know one more thing. Why aren’t any of the guys with you?”

I didn’t answer him, leaning my head against his as I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to think about the others right now, especially not Yunho. I know he’d throw a fit the moment he laid eyes on my injured body. I wanted to avoid confrontation at all costs but I knew there wasn’t any way around it. Right now I just want to close my eyes and sleep for the next few days while my body recovered as I secretly enjoyed being in San’s hold. 

-San’s P.O.V-

I couldn’t help the fond smile that tugged at lips when she suddenly got a bit heavier. I knew she finally knocked out, hearing her slow and steady breaths loud and clear, her head resting against my own. Though I wanted to know who did this to her I stopped from prying the moment she stopped talking. It must be a sensitive topic for her...I’m just glad I was in the area.

“Just what the hell are you doing to me, Y/N…” I trailed off, looking down at her hands that hung over my shoulders.

I had been trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart but with each passing second it just got louder and harder to ignore. Well fuck...things are starting to get complicated.

[omgviolette12]

After Hours- Chapter 14

Previous Chapter

Chapters: 14/?

Words: 2400+

Warnings: None

Tags:  @milkymaidme @dangertoozmanykids101@alexakeyloveloki @little-moonbeam-666  @marvel-ous-fics@clovermariear@lynnesm@bitchyikes@moon-child-of-a-poet, @allthecraftandthings@bubblegumspitt @shockwavee @blondekel77 @nerd–nirvana @valdemarismynonbinarylove@nightrose64 @pastelhexmaniac @iistormii

If you’d like to be added, let me know. I’ve also posted this on AO3

------

Evelyn barely made it halfway down the hall, before she felt Loki’s large hand engulfing her wrist.

Screw him and his long ass legs.

By now the tears had long escaped her eyes, and she’d be damned if she let him see, lest she annoyed him even more.

“Evelyn! Why in the world are you -”

“ - Can I please...just go?” Her face was stubbornly turned away from his, as she attempted to keep her voice steady. But like he so nicely said a few minutes ago, she was easy to read.

"I will not let you go, especially if you're crying like this,"

Evelyn shrugged her hand out of his grip, surprising them both, "... I'm fine! Like you said, I'm too damn expressive. I'll get over it." She said that, but her voice wavered greatly due to tears.

"Please love, follow me back inside. My words were much harsher than intended...I admit that.”

He stepped closer, but she backed away in turn.

“You..you spoke to me like I was fucking slow. Like a child. How was I supposed to know you hated your sister’s fucking guts!”

Her tears flowed freely now, and Evelyn couldn’t help but feel more ashamed. She was always more sensitive than others, so whenever she was reprimanded, yelled at, or scolded in her younger days, tears would immediately follow.

Unfortunately, those feelings had yet to change.

“Evelyn, you are far from slow, and you are not a child. I.. I am sorry. That was not what I meant to imply.”

Loki wasn’t the warmest person in the first place, so he did not know how to comfort others through regular means, not to mention apologizing.

In fact, Evelyn was probably the first person he'd properly apologized to in years.

Simply because in the past he didn't give two shits how his blunt, unfiltered words affected others. If they understood his point, that was all that mattered.

But as a consequence, he caused the woman he cared for to cry.

“You said what you said, okay?” Evelyn sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes, “I’m...I’m just gonna go home. I’ll grade the tests there,” she made her way past him to head back to the office. Loki immediately followed, his voice revealing a hint of frustration, “Please do not be like this,”

“Like what? Childish?” She picked up her bag that was lying on the couch once she reached inside, then gathered the pile of tests neatly into her hands, “I need a folder for these, by the way.”

Loki’s face hardened, “If you’re going to leave without speaking to me properly, then yes, you’re being childish. I apologized for how I phrased my words, but my point still stands.”

“Well... I got your point. But this was what you signed up for. An immature, clumsy mess of a woman. I can't keep secrets for shit, and I'm easy as hell to read. If you thought I'd be anything else...sorry to disappoint.”

Evelyn looked at him with mustered courage, holding out her hand, “A folder, please? Then I'll leave.”

She could see the gears practically working inside his head, as he stared at her outstretched hand with narrowed eyes.

It took a moment. And without warning, he reached out to grab her by the wrist.

Since the action was sudden, the tests she held against her chest with her free arm fluttered to the floor.

Loki pulled her against him, as he stared down into her widened, startled eyes,

“Immature and clumsy, you say?”

He laughed mirthlessly, and the sound of it sent a shiver down Evelyn's spine.

"My darling girl, while I am quite infatuated with you... I will only apologize just once. If you cannot sense my sincerity, then I am at a loss."

She attempted to pull back against his grip, but his hold remained firm, "I am not a gentle man, especially when I am this peeved. So yes, I spoke as if you were incompetent. And no, I will not do so again."

Loki brought his other hand up to her cheek, staring into her tear-filled eyes, "Because seeing you cry like this is discomforting. Any other time, I would have revelled to be the cause of it."

He let her go then. Unsurprisingly, Evelyn backed away immediately. "That's... that's a weird ass way to apologize..."

"Is it really? I've brought you to tears before, but at the time we both enjoyed the reasons why."

Evelyn was still hurt and put off, but she could not help the way her face heated at his suggestive words. She cleared her throat, hoping to bring her mind out the gutter, “...Anyway, the reason you’re so pissed is because of that lady, Hela. What’s the whole deal with that?”

At the mention of his sister’s name, a scornful expression quickly appeared on his face, “Must I explain? I was actually starting to forget about that horrid encounter.”

“Considering you hurt my feelings because of her, I think that’s pretty fair.”

Loki sighed in resignation. He did feel regretful, so it was the least he could do.

“Due to past...issues between us, she despises me, and the feeling is mutual. I am not sure why she came here personally after all this time, but I could only assume it was to make my life difficult. Evidently, I was correct.”

“Oh…” Evelyn chewed at her bottom lip, now feeling worried, “ I didn’t know it was like that...she won’t cause us any trouble, right? Like tell anyone about us, or..?”

“Not necessarily. While she’s certainly curious, I doubt she cares that much at the moment to take action. However...seeing her brought back unpleasant memories, and I imparted my agitation upon you,”

Evelyn did not step away this time when he moved toward her, and allowed him to slowly pull her into an embrace, “ I was worried about what she might have done and said to you if she discovered we were together, as she is still quite vengeful. I truly did not mean to patronize you.”

She listened patiently to his reasoning. Evelyn was clueless as to what kind of history the siblings shared, but it must be particularly bad to have affected his mood this much.

“As long as you know. I’m...I’m just really sensitive, and I hate being talked to like that in general. Especially by you.”

“I know, my dear. I will mind my tone in the future,”

He tightened his hold, kissing the top of her head, “How shall I make it up to you?”

Evelyn pulled away from him slowly, putting a smile on her face as she spoke quietly, “Um, I’ll think about it. But I just need some time to myself right now…”

Her heart dropped when his face transformed into a frown. Loki probably thought she was going to stay with him, but she needed space to evaluate how she currently felt. He apologized and she acknowledged that - but a part of her couldn’t help but still feel unsettled.

Loki fixed his expression immediately, his smile mirroring hers in its falsity, “If that is how you feel, then I won’t force you to stay. I will take you home,”

“Uh...actually, I want to walk home this time. It’s a nice evening out, so…”

Evelyn didn’t feel like riding in his car at the moment, especially with the tension currently between them. Aside from that, the fresh air would do good to clear her thoughts.

However, the look Loki gave her right then almost changed her mind.

Evelyn thought he was going to chastise her once more. But instead, Loki closed his eyes as he spoke in a deceptively calm manner,

“I am not entirely comfortable with you walking by yourself… especially since it has gotten late. But so be it,”

Before Evelyn could even breathe a sigh of relief, her professor interjected once more, “ Since that is the case, I will accompany you on your walk home.”

“What?” Her voice was louder than intended, but that was the last thing she expected him to say.

“Well, I mean, don’t you have work to do? And, like, I’ve walked home alone plenty of times, you don’t need to go out of your way…”

“You are my partner now. While I acknowledge your autonomy and independence, I prioritize your safety above all else.”

She became momentarily speechless, her mouth closing and opening as she tried to gather up another excuse, “Well, I mean, we can’t be seen walking together...and stuff. That might be suspicious right? Especially considering the whole thing with your sister…”

“Walking together is not a filthy act. We will be fine,”

Loki turned around to return to his desk, picking up his jacket from the hanger right next to it. He looked at the tests still strewn about on the floor, then back to Evelyn. “We will grade these...exams another time. With much focus. ”

-----------------------------

“Do you walk this distance every day?” Loki said after a while, as he walked side by side with Evelyn. Well, they were side by side - but she insisted that they remain a reasonable distance apart from each other, despite the fact that they were no longer on campus.

Evelyn blamed it mostly on paranoia, but she was actually just feeling petty. If someone wronged her in any way, she held onto that resentment for at least a day or more. Even if they apologized.

So Loki accompanied her mostly in silence, as he probably sensed she was still feeling a bit bitter. If he thought that was childish, he made no indication that he thought so.

Evelyn jumped a bit, his voice pulling her from her thoughts, “Uhm...yeah. It’s not that bad, just a half an hour walk.”

“..It is no wonder you were always late for classes. Does your sister not drive?”

“She does...but I just like the scenery. And I’m good at speed-walking.”

At her answer, Loki’s brows furrowed.

While the area where Evelyn lived wasn’t all that bad, it wasn’t good either. The streets were covered in litter, with the odd stench here and there as they passed by the shops and delis. The only good aspect he observed was the abundance of trees since there was a park in the vicinity.

Loki frankly thought it was filthy, but he kept that bit to himself.

“It is...nice. I suppose.”

Evelyn didn’t seem to notice his disdain and only smiled faintly at his answer, “I mean, it could be better. But I try to enjoy the little beauty in things, Y’know?”

Loki remained quiet as she said so, his expression thoughtful at her words.

The rest of the walk continued in silence, and Evelyn only piped up once more when she saw that they reached her apartment.

"Well, we're here…" Evelyn stopped in front of the staircase leading up to the building, turning to face him. The air between them wasn't all that pleasant still, judging from his stiff posture.

There was an awkward silence between them now as they stared at each other, neither unsure of what to do next.

Did she kiss him goodbye now? No, she still felt off. Then a small hug?

While she pondered her options, Evelyn didn't see that her sister had exited the building, humming a tune as she did so.

Candice stopped right in her tracks once she saw the pair below the stairs.

"Uhh...Eve?"

Both Loki and Evelyn’s gazes shot up towards the stairs instantly at the sound of her voice.

“Wait...is this…?” Candice’s finger pointed to Loki, as she looked down at them in astonishment.

Evelyn was frozen, whilst Loki’s expression was rather hard to decipher.

“Is this professor Laufeyson?!” Candice shot down the steps in record time, her body radiating with excitement.

“I...um, yeah..?” Evelyn replied awkwardly, still shaken by Candice’s unexpected intrusion.

Candice didn’t seem to read the awkwardness in the air though, judging by her next words, “Holy crap, so it is? Well damn, he’s even finer in person -“

Before Evelyn could reply in aghast and embarrassment at her sister’s bold words, Loki piped up with confidence, unperturbed. “Candice, correct?” Loki held out his hand for a handshake, which she stared at for a moment before taking it, “ Your sister speaks much about you.”

“Oh does she now?” She quirked a brow in question in Evelyn’s direction, before looking back to Loki, “Well, I hope it was all good! She tells me a lot about you too, Mr. Laufeyson.”

“Then I assume Evelyn informed you about us? And please, just Loki is fine.”

Evelyn stood in silence, observing the two as she marinated in nervousness. The tension between her and Loki was already off as is with what happened, and she hoped Candice didn’t worsen it with her choice of words.

“Yeah, I know y’all seeing each other. Wanna come inside actually? I just made some dinner and you can join us. I wanna know more about how y’all met-”

Evelyn’s head whipped towards Candice. What now?

She interjected immediately in alarm at her sister’s chatter, “ I - Candice, hold up would you! Loki’s busy and he has to walk back, you can’t just -“

“If you would have me, then I shall join you.”  He looked towards Evelyn, her mouth still open after stopping mid-sentence, “ That is, if Evelyn is fine with that.”

“Of course she is! Right, Evie?”

Both of them turned to look at her for a response, and she couldn’t help but feel pressured. “I - of course I don’t mind… but weren’t you just about to leave Candice? And Loki...you don’t have to feel obligated to stay or anything,”

“I was just gonna take a lil jog. But nope, changed my mind!”

“I want to stay not out of obligation but to spend more time with you. This is far from bothersome.”

They spoke one after another, backing her into a corner. She had no good reason to argue, so Evelyn couldn’t help but eventually relent.

“I...okay. If it isn’t any trouble to you…”

“Let’s head inside then! I hope you like curry chicken Loki cause that’s all I made,”

“That sounds absolutely delightful,”

And so, Evelyn followed behind them helplessly as they trudged up the steps to her apartment, uncertainty piling inside her gut.

[inyournightmares97]

Chocolate Eyes

You return home to find that the man you once loved has become a violent criminal, your mother is sick and your beloved little brother hates you. It’s hard to decide what is right and wrong. But at the end of day, we’re all just trying to protect the people we love. 

Word Count: 19.5k 

Warnings: Language, angst, dark topics. The reader has dark brown eyes since this is a birthday gift for Aia, but as always there are no other physical descriptions. (This is a revamp/continuation of a fic I abandoned for another group long ago. That one was barely 8k though lol.) 

Note: Happy Birthday, Aia! This is a birthday present for @ijustwantacue although I don’t know how appropriate it is since it’s filled to the brim with angst lol. I still hope that you enjoy it and have a great day! 

“Homework?” you asked cheerfully, tapping on Jaebum’s desk.

The handsome boy had a large pair of headphones over his ears and his eyes were closed as he bounced his head to the music. He hadn’t noticed you tapping on the desk. It was only when you poked Jaebum’s shoulder that he opened his eyes and reluctantly pulled the headphones down to rest around his neck.

“Huh?” he asked.

You smiled at him playfully. “Homework, genius. I’ve called you five times now. Please tell me you did it.”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Why? Want to copy off me?”

“Fat chance. I did my own homework. I just wanted to cross check my answers because Mrs. Lee said she’s grading the assignment. But if you haven’t even done it…” you trailed off, giving him a smug look.

You couldn’t wait to hear Jaebum admit that he hadn’t done his homework.  The two of you were the smartest students in the class. Admittedly, Jaebum’s intelligence was of a more natural and God-given nature while you worked much harder for your own grades. Both of you still maintained a friendly competition.

“I did do it,” Jaebum replied. He pulled out a slightly crumpled folder from his bag and handed it to you. Then he leaned forward to watch while your sharp eyes flitted across his homework. “Noticed what you did wrong, yet?” he teased.

You stuck your tongue out at him. “We have the same answers, idiot. Although… wait, what’s this?”

Jaebum cleared his throat and covered a page filled with messy scribbles. “Ah- sorry, that’s not part of the homework. I was just writing down ideas for some music I’m trying to compose. There’s an underground dance battle behind the railway tracks. Jackson Wang keeps challenging me. I’m planning to whoop his ass.”

You handed the homework file back to him. “Well, I don’t know much about dance but you should probably write your ideas down more neatly so that you can actually make sense of them later. Besides. What does it matter? Hip-hop music all sounds the same.”

You knew that Jaebum was an amazing dancer and b-boy. He often performed during school talent shows and other events. He was incredibly talented, the entire school knew this, but you’d never really seen him in his element at the underground battles.

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “You just don’t understand hip-hop music.”

“Maybe I don’t.”

“It’s really amazing. The beats, the music and the dance all come together like magic. You should come watch one of the underground battles. Do you want to come with me today? It’ll be a great time.”

You hesitated. Part of you really wanted to go with Jaebum. He was interesting and funny so you loved spending time with him. As much as you hated to admit it, you had a huge crush on your handsome classmate. But you had never been to anything like an underground rap battle before and the idea scared you a little.

“I don’t know…” you trailed off.

“You don’t have to,” Jaebum reassured you.

“It just sounds kind of scary.”

He chuckled. “It’s not. I mean, it’s technically illegal but… the guys there are friendly and everything. It’s not the mess of drunken rowdiness you’re probably imagining. Most of those guys are really talented; and there are girls too. You should see this girl called Momo, they say she’s the queen-“

“I wasn’t imagining drunk rowdiness!” you protested, flushing.

Jaebum grinned, his rare and handsome smile leaving you speechless. “Yeah, right. Come on. One time? I promise I’ll stay beside you the entire time.”

You bit your lip and then nodded. “Okay.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You hitched your backpack up on your shoulder as you approached the house.

It had only been two years since you’d last been home. Somehow, the rickety house looked older and more dilapidated than ever. Paint was peeling off the outer walls and there was dirt everywhere. Your throat clenched uncomfortably.

What happened to this place? It looked almost uninhabited. Your hands trembled as you pushed open the slightly rusting gate and stepped onto the front porch.

“Mom? Are you here?” you called out. The front door was unlocked and you entered the messy and silent house. The living room had a stale and dusty smell. You hurried further inside to find your mother in her bedroom. The older woman was lying back in bed with the covers tucked firmly around her chest.

You breathed a sigh of relief. “Mom! I’m home!” you announced with a teary-eyed laugh.

Your mother smiled at you weakly. “Ah, darling. I was waiting for you. I’m sorry I can’t get up. I have a bit of a fever…” she apologized while she hugged you back gently. Her arms felt surprisingly frail and her grip around you was weak. “How are you, darling? How’s college going for you?”

You smiled. “It’s going fine.”

“You’re not struggling too much, are you?” she pressed.

“I’m fine,” you reassured her. You glanced around the room. It wasn’t very clean and you wondered how your ordinarily picky mother had allowed the house to fall into such a condition. You looked down at your sunken-eyed mother and gave her a small smile. Never mind. It wasn’t the time to get into such things. You could do a little bit of cleaning around the house if your mother was ill. 

“Have you eaten? Should I make dinner?” you offered.

“No, darling, you don’t have to cook-“

“I don’t mind. You rest. I’ll get started on dinner.”

You dropped your bags on the bedroom floor and then hurried into the kitchen. The refrigerator was making an odd noise but you pulled it open anyway and frowned. There wasn’t much in here for you to work with. You managed to lay your hands on some meat in the freezer rack and flipped it over to check an expiration date.

“Mom, where’s Yugyeom?” you called out loudly. “Is he still at school? Shouldn’t he have a holiday today?”

Your mother’s weak voice replied from the bedroom. “I don’t know darling. He’s usually not home at this time.”

“I messaged the idiot to pick me up at the station but he never came. I had to take the bus all the way back here with my luggage,” you complained.

You pulled your cell-phone out of your pocket and dialed your younger brother’s number, waiting as the phone rang repeatedly. There was no response. You put the phone back while you set the frozen meat on the counter.

Idiot. Where could Yugyeom have gone when he knew I was coming home today?   

You finished making dinner and called Yugyeom a few more times while you unpacked in your old bedroom. There was a lot of dust everywhere. You ended up having to clean most of the first floor in the process. How had your mother and brother allowed the house to get so messy? You collected an enormous pile of dirty laundry that you would have to do before you went to bed tonight. They were so careless.

It was slowly getting dark and Yugyeom still wasn’t home. Your mother didn’t seem worried so you decided not to comment on your brother’s absence. All the same, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit hurt. What was more important to Yugyeom than his sister who hadn’t been home in about two years? Couldn’t he even come and say hello to you?

“Was it tasty?” you asked your mother as you watched her eat the soup. “My roommate is from Busan and she taught me the recipe. You can make it with almost no ingredients. It’s nice, right?”

Your mother smiled gently. “It’s wonderful, dear.”

“Does Yugyeom not turn up for dinner often? I made enough for him. He used to love my cooking.”

“He stays out late with some friends of his,” your mother replied with a light hum as she spooned more soup into her mouth. She gave you a weak smile. “He’ll be fine. They’re nice boys.”

You nodded, resisting the urge to yawn. It had been a long day and you had been travelling for most of the morning, not to mention you’d cleaned the entire house and cooked. You were dying to go to bed. On your way upstairs you glanced at the clock.

It was almost 11 pm. Surely Yugyeom wouldn’t come home at this time? Maybe he was going to spend the night with a friend.

You hesitated for a short moment before locking up the house and going to bed.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

You found yourself sticking close to Jaebum as you both  approached the old, abandoned railway tracks. The underground dance battles apparently weren’t physically underground (you had honestly imagined a dilapidated old subway station or something along those lines) but they were actually held out in the open behind the old railway tracks that had long been out of service.

There were a lot of people around. some of them looked perfectly normal like you and Jaebum, while others were a little more intimidating.

“See?” Jaebum asked, leaning down to speak to you. He let you hold on to his arm without commenting on how tight your grip was. “Not scary, right?”

“I guess not,” you admitted as you watched some dude set up speakers and microphones on the makeshift stage. The dance battles were often followed by hip-hop music and rap battles. “You don’t have permission to use this space, right?””

“Of course we don’t. It’s trespassing.”

“So what if the police come? Then what do we do?”

Jaebum gave you a cheeky grin and leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“...We run for it.”

His husky whisper sent a shiver down your spine. You had to try not to blush. Instead, you reached out and smacked his shoulder. Jaebum only laughed playfully and dodged your hit before reaching for your hand and pulling you further into the crowd.

“Come on, we should go find some friendly faces. My friends are over there, I’ll introduce you; Jackson Wang! Park Jinyoung!” he yelled out loudly.

A pair of guys waved at him and you followed Jaebum silently. You hadn’t been sure what his friends would be like, but they both appeared to be perfectly normal. Well, perhaps not completely. Jinyoung looked normal. Jackson Wang was extremely muscular and had a slightly stupid grin on his face as soon as he spotted you and Jaebum.

“JB! Hey, what took you so long? I told you some of the older guys were performing today, you totally missed them!”

Jaebum chuckled. “Sorry, man.”

“JB?” you wondered quietly. Jaebum turned to glance at you and his cheeks turned slightly pink at the way your head tilted curiously. “Who’s JB?”

“Uh, it’s my b-boy name,” he muttered. “Short for Jaebum, you know.”

You couldn’t help but let out a snigger. You had never heard anything less creative.

“JB?” you demanded. “Who’s genius idea was that? Couldn’t you have come up with something more unique?”

Jinyoung smiled and reached out to shake your hand in a friendly manner. “Hey, I like her. She has the right attitude for this place. Nice to meet you, I’m Jinyoung and this is Jackson but he likes to go by J-Flawless around here. Are you a dancer too?” he asked curiously.

You flushed. “What? Oh no, I can’t dance at all. I’m just here to watch.”

“She’s my classmate,” Jaebum explained lightly. He suddenly remembered that he was holding your hand and tried to drop it casually, but Jinyoung’s sharp eyes missed nothing. The man blinked in a slightly confused manner before narrowing down on your face. You felt almost naked as Jinyoung's sharp eyes scanned you.  After a few seconds, he let out a small cackle of laughter.

“Oh my God! Jaebum, you can’t be serious!” Jinyoung cried. “This is Chocolate Eyes, isn’t it?”

Jaebum flushed. “Shut up.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t performed it for her!” Jackson pressed with a cheerful grin. You blinked at Jackson when he turned to you firmly. “Haven’t you heard Jaebum’s Chocolate Eyes song?” he demanded.

You glanced at Jaebum uncertainly. “Uh…. I haven’t heard a lot of his songs to be honest… what’s so special about Chocolate Eyes?”

“It’s probably the cheesiest shit he’s ever written. Which is a lot because most of his lyrics are ‘fuck the society’ or innuendos about the size of his dick. Except you see, this one is about a girl with chocolate-colored eyes and the lyrics are literally twenty or so lines about how pretty the color of this girl’s eyes are so it’s some embarrassing shit.” He turned and grinned at Jaebum. “I would have thought you would-“

“Hey! Would you look at that? Someone is going on stage!” Jaebum cut him off quickly.

You had to admit that the dance battles were a lot of fun. It was loud and the crowd went wild with each dazzling move, especially when the more experienced dancers went up on stage. You had been waiting for Jaebum to go up as well, but he shyly admitted to you that he wasn’t really prepared to go on stage that day and that he’d perform some other time.

You also found that Jinyoung and Jackson (or J-Flawless, as he requested you call him during dance battles) were a lot of fun. Jinyoung was a little cheeky and kept addressing you  as Chocolate Eyes which left you a little flustered, but Jackson was extremely nice and friendly and kept talking to you. By the time you realized that it was past your curfew, you almost didn’t want to leave.

“It wasn’t as scary as you thought, right?” Jaebum asked as you both walked back after the event.

It was past your curfew but you’d called your little brother and told him to cover for you with your parents. Yugyeom had whined about being asked to do such a thing. Still, he eventually agreed to lie on your behalf.

It was dark as you walked back, and the street was relatively quiet.

“It was really interesting,” you admitted shyly. “I never knew hip-hop and dance could be so cool. And your friends were really fun. I don’t get why Jinyoung kept calling me Chocolate Eyes, though… and whatever he said about a song you wrote…” you trailed off, hoping he would explain it to you.

Jaebum flushed and he shoved his hands in his pockets as he stared down at the ground. “I-uh- it’s just a stupid song that I wrote. I wanted to try writing something romantic for once to challenge myself, so… I guess I just looked for inspiration wherever I could find it.”

“Will you show it to me?” you asked.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

He took a deep breath and turned to look at you with a sudden intensity that made your spine tingle.

”Because Jinyoung is right. Chocolate Eyes is about you.”

There was a brief pause before you both stopped walking and turned to look at each other. Jaebum was looking down at you so gently. He lifted a hand and gently stroked the side of your face with a rough thumb as his lips curved into a shy smile.

“Your eyes really are the color of dark chocolate,” he explained quietly. “And I kept thinking about how beautiful they are and how much I like when you look at me like that.”

Your breath hitched. “Like what?” you whispered.

“That.” He leaned down and kissed you, your lips pressing together sweetly and hesitantly. You wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him down closer so you could kiss him harder. Something about the sudden embrace was both exciting and still safe. Jaebum always made you feel safe.

The two of you pulled away breathlessly after a few moments, foreheads still pressed together.

“But the lyrics are complete shit because I couldn’t find the right words for them. I couldn’t find the right words for you,” Jaebum whispered against your lips.  

“Words are overrated anyway.”

He chuckled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Kiss me again.”

When you finally managed to pull yourself away from Jaebum and climb into your room through the window, your head was spinning giddily. You had never been as crazy about a guy as you were about Jaebum. You were so busy smiling to yourself stupidly that you almost didn’t notice the boy sitting on your bed.

Yugyeom, had been waiting up for you while clutching his stuffed animal. Really, he was in middle school. He was too old for stuffed animals but Yugyeom had always been a child.

“Noona!” he greeted happily.

You jumped at the sound of his voice. “Hey. You scared me. What are you still doing up? Go to bed.”

“Noona, I covered for you with mom and dad. Aren’t you grateful?” Yugyeom pouted. His mouth spread into a cheeky and lopsided grin as he beamed up at you. “Where did you go, noona? Were you on a date with your boyfriend?” he teased.

You blushed. “Shut up.”

“You were?”

“Nope.” You lowered your voice and shut the bedroom door before beaming at your little brother. “You’ll never guess where noona was today. I went to go see an underground dance battle!”

Yugyeom’s eyes shimmered with excitement. “Wow! What’s that?”

“Go brush your teeth, get under the covers, and I’ll tell you all about it…”

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Somebody started pounding on the door at 2 am.

You awoke suddenly from a deep sleep to the banging noise and your eyes shot open. Who was at the door at this time of night? Heartbeat thudding and adrenaline pumping through you, you paused to grab a knife from the kitchen before slowly approaching the shaking door. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to think straight.

“Who is it?” you yelled over the banging.

The banging stopped.

“Noona?” Yugyeom’s voice demanded through the door. It was much deeper than you remembered but it was still unmistakably your little brother. Relieved, you let the kitchen knife fall to your side. Yugyeom sounded annoyed and banged a couple more times. “Fuck, noona, why did you lock the door? Open up!”  

You hurried to remove the deadbolts and swung the door open. Part of you was positive that Yugyeom must be drunk; he probably went out drinking with his friends, why else would he come back home at this absurd hour and make such a scene? You couldn’t believe that your innocent little brother was drinking underage. You were just getting ready to scold him when your eyes adjusted to the darkness and you saw what was in front of you properly.

There were two men on the porch. Both were tall but Yugyeom was more so. Your brother was clutching onto the shorter man as if he couldn’t stand properly, half bent over while bruises littered his pale skin. Yugyeom’s lip was bleeding and swollen and there was a large graze on his forehead that was dripping blood down the side of his face. He looked like he’d been in a fight.

Your heart dropped into your stomach.

“Oh my God-“ you could barely form words on your lips as Yugyeom silently limped into the front hall and turned on the light. There was blood on his clothes. He dropped a tattered backpack in the hallway as he sat down to take off his shoes. “Yugyeom-“

Yugyeom barely looked at you. “Welcome home, noona. Don’t lock the door at night next time.”

Your felt nauseous as you whirled around to look at the other man that was waiting in the doorway. It had been two years since you had last seen him, but you recognized Lim Jaebum immediately. He looked almost the same. Tall, broad shoulders and a sharp angular face. His dark eyes were as intense as ever.

Your blood ran cold.

“Lim Jaebum,” you greeted quietly.

Jaebum looked equally surprised to see you and his mouth fell open for a brief moment before he quickly closed it. You could see his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down his throat as he whispered a gruff response.

“Uh-hi. Welcome back.”

“What the fuck did you do to my brother?” you demanded, feeling your heartbeat race at the sight of a bloodied and bruised Yugyeom sitting on the floor and taking off his dirty sneakers. You whirled around and glared at Jaebum. “How dare you lay your hands on my brother-“

Yugyeom scoffed from his place on the floor. “Don’t be stupid, noona, Jaebum-hyung didn’t beat me up. He brought me back here safely.”

“You shut your mouth, Kim Yugyeom, I’ll deal with you later,” you hissed. Your insides were twisting and turning. What had been happening here while you were gone? Your worst nightmares were coming true and as you looked up at Lim Jaebum, you felt nothing but pure and adulterated anger. He was to blame. He was the one who’d gotten your brother involved in something ugly, you just knew it.

“Get out of my house,” you told Jaebum firmly.

Yugyeom glared at you. “Don’t talk to hyung like that-“

“Get out of my house, Lim Jaebum, and stay the hell away from my family.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to leave-“

Jaebum cut Yugyeom off and gave you a small, polite bow. “It’s fine. I should go. Clean yourself up properly, Yugyeom. I’ll be leaving now.”

He turned around and walked away, not even flinching when you slammed the door shut after him. You locked the deadbolts to be safe and then ran your fingers through your hair as you tried to calm your racing heartbeat. Then you turned to look at Yugyeom.

He was getting up from the floor while glaring at you. Your head spun. Where was your adorable younger brother with the cheeky grin? You didn’t know this strange man standing in front of you and that scared you.

“You shouldn’t have talked to Jaebum-hyung like that,” Yugyeom said coldly.

You stiffened. “Since when is Lim Jaebum your hyung?”

“Since you left.”

“I went to college,” you hissed.

“Well, I hope you had a nice time there,” Yugyeom scoffed before turning around to limp away. He was headed towards the stairs and you called after him angrily.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going? I’m not done with you yet. Sit down here so I can clean you up and we can talk about whatever the hell is going on,” you ordered firmly. There was no way you could let Yugyeom get away with this sort of behaviour. This wasn’t how either of you had been raised. “Do you come home like this often? Do you let our mother see you this way? Does she know that you’re buddies with Lim Jaebum?”

Yugyeom turned and gave you a cold, empty look.

“I can clean up after myself,” he replied dully. “I’ve been doing it for the past year. And as for our mother…In case you haven’t noticed yet, she’s dying.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the beginning of your senior year when your father died.

Your mother spent an entire week at home without food, sobbing her eyes out and completely cut off from the world. Yugyeom was too innocent to understand what was going on and he would sit in his mother’s lap and cry along with her, clutching his stuffed animals. You had been left alone; alone to manage the household, alone to comfort your remaining family members, alone to finish your studies.

“My dear,” you teacher said to you quietly, when you turned up to school a mere three days after your father’s death. “You don’t need to come into school yet. Stay with your family. Take a year off if you need to. It’s all right.”

You had stiffened. “I’m fine,” you replied quietly. “I want to graduate this year.”

The only person you allowed yourself to cry in front of was Jaebum. He would come find you every day and you would let yourself break down in front of him, clutching his shirt as you sobbed into his chest and let out all your frustrations. Your father hadn’t just left your family; he had left behind debt and the moneylenders had started sending you messages. You had no idea how to repay them. One of the moneylenders in particular had been sending threatening messages and had even sent goons to your door to frighten you.

“I’m scared,” you sobbed into Jaebum’s chest as he wrapped his arms around you tightly. It was the only place you ever felt safe anymore. “I-I can barely make ends meet with my part time job. Yugyeom had to start working too. How am I going to pay back that money, Jaebum? How am I going to protect my family?”

Jaebum rubbed your back gently as he pressed his face against your hair. “I’ll take care of it,” he promised you quietly. “Baby, I’ll make sure they don’t hurt you. Listen to me. You are going to be fine.”

“I can’t- I can’t handle this, I can’t do it alone-“ you whimpered.

“You’re not alone. I’m here.”

“What are you going to do, Jaebum? What can you possibly do?”

“I’ll do everything I can.”

You fended off the moneylenders with vague promises of paying them back in a few years with interest, although you had no idea how you were going to manage it all. Instead, you dove into your academics. The only way you could ever pay that sort of money back was if you finished her education and got a proper job.

Part-time employment in the local restaurant wouldn’t cut it. You would be in debt for the rest of her life, if you went down that path. You needed to graduate, take out a student loan to go to college and earn a salary figure with a lot of zeros in it. That was the only way you would ever be able to take care of your family.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t sleep.

You kept tossing and turning in bed, nightmares from the past plaguing you and causing you to wake up in a cold sweat. You finally forced yourself out of bed at dawn and stumbled around the house sleepily. You carefully approached Yugyeom’s room. He had left his door slightly ajar and the sound of his deep snoring drifted out.

You stood there silently for a moment before slowly walking in. Yugyeom was spread across his bed in a clumsy manner, one long leg hanging off the single bed that was now too small for him. He hadn’t cleaned himself up. Dried blood crusted around his lips and forehead. You quietly grabbed a blanket and spread it over your brother before stepping out of the room.

What happened to him? Yugyeom had never been like this. He had been a little innocent and sometimes stupid, but he was always a cheerful boy who found life exciting in general. How had he gotten involved with Lim Jaebum? Why was he coming home at unnatural hours with wounds all over him?

You entered the kitchen before remembering that there was hardly any food in the fridge. You paused and let your head rest in your hands for a few moments as you tried to make sense of what was happening around you. Why was everything such a mess? How had things gone so far downhill just because you’d gone off to college for a few months?

“Darling?” you mother called out weakly from her room. “Darling, are you awake?”

You straightened up and entered your mother’s room quickly, only to find that the older woman was sitting up in bed and coughing. You remembered Yugyeom’s piercing words from last night. As for eomma… she’s dying. You looked at your mother and blinked back the tears that sprang into your eyes. Why hadn’t you noticed her frail body and sunken face before? She didn’t merely have a fever. She was seriously ill.

“Mom,” you whispered softly. You went and sat next to you mother carefully. “Are you hungry? I’ll go down to the grocery store and get some things so I can make breakfast-“

Your mother groaned and sat up. “No, darling, you shouldn’t have to do all the cooking when you’ve just come home. I’ll make something for you-“

“No, lie down. I want to make breakfast. You should rest.”

Your mother sank back into the bed. “Did Yugyeom-ie come home last night?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” she replied, looking relieved. The older woman closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the pillow. “He’s a good kid. He really is. Sometimes he makes mistakes, but he’s a good kid. That Jaebum boy takes care of him  well. He comes and says hi to me sometimes as well. Polite boy.”

Your spine shuddered. “Lim Jaebum comes here often?”

“Hmmm.”

You took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to your mother’s forehead before grabbing your wallet and heading out of the front door to buy groceries. Your head was still spinning. What is Lim Jaebum getting at? Was he really trying to take care of your family or was he planning to drag Yugyeom down with him into a messy life of crime and self-destruction?

You couldn’t believe anything. You didn’t trust Jaebum. You wanted him far away from your family and you were going to make it happen.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You bit your lip and twirled the pen absentmindedly between your fingers.

“I can’t figure this one out,” you complained as you scratched out the last few lines of calculations that you had made in the notebook. “I thought I was applying the formulae right but I keep getting this weird number in recurring decimal points when the answer should be a whole number…”

Jaebum leaned towards you, pushing his glasses higher up his nose as he read over your work. You watched his eyes skim over the page. You thought Jaebum was extremely attractive when he wore glasses. He was handsome in general, of course, but you couldn’t take her eyes off him when he took his reading glasses out. It was a pity that he only wore them when the two of you were studying alone.  

“Yup. Wrong formula,” he said after a few seconds, pointing at a particular step in your calculations. “You’re supposed to apply the other one, genius.”

“Ahhh…” you bit her lip and hurried to scribble down the correct formula. “What would I do without you, Jaebum?”

“Don’t kid yourself. You would have wasted five more minutes to figure out your own mistake at worst.”

You smiled at him sweetly. “Well, then, thank you for saving five minutes of my time.”

Jaebum leaned close to you, stroking your cheek with the back of his fingers as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“Since I saved you so much time,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth softly. “I think it should be mine, don’t you? Those five minutes belong to me.”

You glanced back at the homework doubtfully. “Jaebum…”

“Shh. It’s just five minutes.” He slanted his mouth over yours delicately, tongue dancing with yours as his strong arms wrapped around you. You whimpered into the kiss. Jaebum’s kisses were addictive; slow and gentle, yet at the same time extremely passionate. You could feel the heat from his lips and the eagerness with which he was kissing you And yet somehow they made you feel safe. Jaebum would pull you into his arms and wrap them around you tightly until you were cocooned into his chest. You loved that more than anything.

“Noona? Noona!”

You both pulled apart rapidly.

“Can you get under the bed?” you hissed as Yugyeom’s loud footsteps came up the stairs. Jaebum sighed but dove under the bed and managed to fit broad shoulders underneath it just as Yugyeom opened the door. You  smiled at your brother sweetly.

“Yugyeom. You’re home.”

Yugyeom smiled back half-heartedly. “Yeah. Work was hard. I hate this part-time job,” he admitted quietly. He gave you a small grin. “Is there anything to eat, noona? I’m starving.”

“Half of my paycheck goes in feeding you,” she joked. It wasn’t Yugyeom’s fault. He had recently hit puberty and seemed to be gaining inches in height with each passing day. He ate a lot and you could do nothing but playfully scold him while you made enough food. “Mom made soup before she left for her night shift. Go switch the rice cooker on before you wash up. We’ll eat in twenty minutes.”

“Fine,” Yugyeom agreed, shutting the door behind him as he left. Jaebum crawled out from under the bed and gave you a  resentful frown as he brushed dust off his shoulders.

“Do I have to hide whenever your brother is around?” he grumbled.

You pouted. “Sorry. It’s just really embarrassing. If he found you in the bedroom once then the idiot would keep trying to catch us at it and we wouldn’t have a second of privacy here. It’s just easier if he doesn’t know.”

Jaebum pouted. “Fine,” he mumbled. “I’ll get going then.”

“Wait.”

You dug into your backpack and pulled out a flyer, placing it on the table. “They were handing these out outside school earlier today. It’s a college exam prep center in the next town. They have demo classes on weekends and you can sit in on the classes and decide whether you want to join.”

Jaebum glanced down at the flyer. “Oh.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Well? Do you want to go? The classes aren’t that expensive. We should give it a shot, right? How else are we going to get through college entrance exams? They might cover stuff we don’t do at school.”

“It’s just…” Jaebum bit his lip and gave you a tentative look. “I’ll come with you if you want. But I’m not sure I want to go to college.”

You laughed. “What? Don’t be stupid. You’d be a shoo-in for the top colleges.”

“I don’t want to go,” he replied with a shrug. He sat next to you and ran his fingers through his messy hair. His thin lips were pressed together tightly. “Honestly, I kind of wanted to drop-out of high school because it makes me that miserable. I’m only sticking around to graduate. But I don’t want to go to college and get a degree that I won’t know what to do with. I think there are other things I want to pursue. Other ways of making money.”

You stared at him. You knew that Jaebum was a little unconventional and that he probably wouldn’t want to do something boring with his life. But you hadn’t thought that he wouldn’t even want to go to college. You glanced down at the flyer quietly.

“What are you going to do if you don’t go to college?” you whispered.

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll get into dancing professionally. I could audition for some dance teams.”

“But how will you earn money in the meantime-“

Jaebum leaned down and kissed your forehead sweetly. “Baby, don’t worry about me. I’ll take care of myself. I have ways of making money that don’t need a college degree, okay? Let’s go visit that prep class place on Saturday.”

You stared at him. “What ways? Jaebum, you’re not doing anything illegal, are you?”

Jaebum chuckled. “Babe, relax.”

“Promise me you’re not doing something shady like dealing drugs or whatever,” you insisted. You trusted that Jaebum was a good an honest person. But truth be told, there were all sorts of people at those dance battles. You were terrified that he might be dragged into a life of crime. “Don’t join a gang or something. You won’t, right? You’ll stay safe?”

Jaebum cupped your cheek and smiled. “You’re adorable when you’re worried about me.”

“I’m not kidding, Jaebum. I’ll never forgive you if you get yourself arrested-”

“I won’t. Trust me.”

Jaebum’s dark eyes were shining softly. You knew that you could trust the man in front of you but you were worried. Too many things had gone wrong in your life too quickly. You couldn’t afford to lose Jaebum too. You needed him to stay with you. You needed him to be the smart and reliable person that you always trusted.  

“Okay,” you whispered.

Jaebum chuckled as he moved towards your open window. “I can’t believe I have to sneak out because of your little brother…”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You bought groceries early in the morning and were busy making pancakes in the kitchen when Yugyeom finally came downstairs. He blinked sleepily and absent-mindedly for a moment before moving past you and heading towards the living room.

You called after him.

“Yugyeom, where are you going? I made pancakes!” you offered kindly. You had begun to wonder if you’d been too harsh with him last night. Yugyeom was your brother after all. You loved him. The two of you could sit and talk about whatever he was going through. You peeked out of the kitchen and waved him over eagerly. “You like my pancakes, right? Come on. I even bought the tasty syrup from the store.”

Yugyeom hesitated in the hallway. “I’m going out.”

“Where?”

He turned and frowned at you. “I don’t have to tell you where I’m going,” he snapped. “You’ve been gone for two years. What, you think you can suddenly come in here and order me around and demand to know about my life? That’s not how it works, noona.”

Your throat felt constricted. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like you hate me,” you replied quietly. Yugyeom was glaring at you and you felt like you were going to cry. Why was he behaving this way? What had you done to deserve this? “Yugyeom, I came home after two years. I want to spend time with my family. I’ve missed you and I’ve missed Mom but she’s lying sick on her bed and you’re acting like a completely different person, I…” you trailed off, your voice cracking. “I don’t know what to do.”

Yugyeom turned away from you. “You should have thought of that before you left home.”

“You’re acting like I ran away! I went to college, Yugyeom! Things haven’t been easy for me either!” you replied heatedly. You were on the verge of tears. “I need to keep on top of my studies to maintain my scholarship and get a job so I can repay my student loans and our father’s debt.”

“You don’t have to worry about our father’s debt,” Yugyeom informed you dully as he sat down in the hallway to put on his shoes. He tugged at the shoelaces. “I’ve started paying them off already.”

“How? Are you still working part-time at the restaurant?”

“No, I quit that job. It didn’t pay shit. I’m working for Jaebum-hyung now,” Yugyeom replied. He finished tying his shoelaces and stood up. His backpack was lying beside the doorway and he picked it up and slung it over his shoulders. “I have to go to work now. Bye.”

You closed her eyes to blink back your tears.

“Did Jaebum do this?” you asked quietly.

“What?”

“Did Jaebum turn you against me?” you demanded, voice rising. You had tried to keep calm but your head was spinning and you felt like you were going to lose control of yourself any moment. The unfamiliar man standing in front of you was still your brother and he wouldn’t have become like this without an explanation. “Did he make you hate me? Is he getting you to do illegal things for money? Is he blackmailing you or hurting you in some way?”

Yugyeom stiffened. “I’ve said this before. Don’t talk about Jaebum-hyung that way.”

“Are you scared of him?”

“No! How many times do I have to say this to get it through your thick head?” he yelled. “Jaebum-hyung was there for me. He stayed by me no matter what. He’s taking care of me, noona, in a way that you haven’t for the past two years.”

You opened your mouth. “I-“

“Don’t press me on this any further,” he cut you off and turned away from you. “Because Jaebum-hyung is an amazing person and I would pick him over you any day. Don’t push me to make that choice. Go eat your stupid pancakes yourself. And make sure Mom takes her medicines on time. It’s the least you can do at this point.”

He stormed past you and slammed the front door shut behind him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You closed your eyes, holding back tears as your hands trembled. You couldn’t speak. Your entire body was shivering from fear and you felt like you were going to faint.

The moneylenders had been getting more impatient. Admittedly, it wasn’t all of them. Some were more willing to wait. But there was one man in particular who didn’t trust that you would ever pay him back, who wouldn’t shy away from using whatever means he could to recover his money.

You had been returning from the library late in the evening when the two men had grabbed you. When they held a knife to her throat and told you to pay the money back immediately, you were sure that you were going to die. They wouldn’t believe that you didn’t have it. They would get it out of you somehow, they said, and their boss wasn’t going to wait much longer.

By the time they left you alone you were terrified and sobbing in the alleyway. You barely managed to call Jaebum and tell him where you were.

Jaebum’s face had gone dark when he found you, bruises littering your arms from the men’s rough handling and crying so hard that you could only blubber out incomprehensible words. He had held you silently as you cried. You weren’t scared for herself; surely the moneylender knew that he would never get the money if he killed you.

“What about my mother and Yugyeom?” you had whispered. Your fingers clutched onto Jaebum’s shirt as you sobbed the last of your remaining tears into it. “How can I go off to college? What if he hurts them while I’m gone, Jaebum? What if he does something to them, I could never…”

Jaebum had pressed you to his chest. “This will never happen again.”

“How can you be sure-“

“It won’t,” he said firmly. His own shoulders were shaking in anger and his eyes had gone dark. You had never seen Jaebum so angry. He was normally a straight-faced and calm person but he looked almost murderous as he held you that night. “That man will never touch you again. And once you go to college, he will never touch your family.”

You shook your head. ‘How can you-“

“Baby, do you trust me?”

His fingers held your chin gently and he tilted your face up so that you were looking into his eyes. You didn’t recognize the look on his face. It was different and strange. Suddenly, he didn’t seem like Jaebum anymore. When you failed to respond, he pressed his forehead to yours so that you had nowhere else to look.

“Have I ever lied to you?” Jaebum asked softly. “Have I ever let you down?”

“N-no-“

“Then believe me. I will not let him touch you. And if he wants to get to your family once you go to college, he’ll have to get through me. That is a promise.” Jaebum’s thumb gently brushed away one of the tears that had spilt out of your red eyes. “Come on, take a deep breath and wipe away those tears. You don’t want Yugyeom to see you like this.”

You nodded, wiping away your tears and then pressing a hard kiss to Jaebum’s mouth. You didn’t know whether he could do anything to help you, but he had stayed with you through the hardest times of your life. You knew that you would have gone mad without him.

“I love you,” you told him firmly.

Jaebum smiled down at you. “I love you too,” he whispered.

You pulled away from him and rolled down your shirt sleeves to hide the bruises as you entered your house. Yugyeom was too busy watching television to notice your entrance so you managed to slip upstairs before your mother could suspect anything had happened.

Once you reached your bedroom, you peeked out of the window and saw that Jaebum was still standing in the street in front of your house. He was walking up and down the street agitatedly while he talked on the phone, running his fingers through his already tousled hair. You heard him curse loudly once. After about ten minutes, he hung up and walked away. Jaebum’s tall figure slowly disappeared down the road and out of sight of your window.

If only you had known in that moment, how much Lim Jaebum was willing to sacrifice for you.

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“I need to talk to Lim Jaebum.”

The handsome man behind the counter had put on a dazzling smile when you first walked into the bakery, but it immediately faltered upon recognition. Mark Tuan’s large eyes blinked at you for a long moment before he responded.

“That’s a nice way to greet someone you haven’t seen in over a year,” Mark mused. “And here I thought you wanted some cake.”

“I wouldn’t mind some cake,” you admitted, feeling a little ashamed of your rude behavior. It was true that you were furious and frustrated but it wasn’t fair to take that out on Mark. He was one of the sweetest people you knew and had been slipping you and your brother free treats ever since he started the bakery. “But right now, I need to talk to Lim Jaebum.”

“Well, you’re not going to find him here.”

“Where is he?”

Mark sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Oppa, please. I know you’re the one that took care of him while he was in prison,” you pointed out. You might not have been here when it happened but you weren’t entirely cut off from this town. Rumors had reached you even back in college. Mark had always taken care of the younger boys in town. “If anyone would know where he is, it’s you. Or Jackson and Jinyoung, but I don’t know how to find them either.”

Mark ran a hand over his face. “Jaebum’s had it hard.”

“He killed a man while trying to steal from him.”

“And he only went to prison for eight months, which shows that a judge in a court of law didn’t think he was completely to blame. So if you’re going to hold that against him-“

“What if I told you that I think he’s about to take my little brother down the same path?”

Mark was quiet. He stared at you for a long moment, eyes unblinking. Then he took a deep breath and then nodded. “Maybe it’s better you talk to him yourself. He and Jinyoung bought out the old mechanics’ place; do you remember it? They run the car repair shed. You should find him somewhere around there.”

You nodded. “Thank you.”

“Anyone could have told you that,” Mark replied dismissively. He turned and looked at you with a firm gaze. “Listen to me. Jaebum is a good man. You know that more than anyone. Don’t forget that, okay? He doesn’t deserve a lot of the things that are happening to him.”

You closed your eyes. “Don’t try to pull that with me. You might be used to dealing with boys who go down the wrong path so it’s nothing in your eyes, Mark, but what Jaebum did is unforgivable. He’s a criminal.”

“No, you don’t-“

“You’re going to tell me that he did it because he was having a hard time. I know. Money was hard to come by. He probably wanted to help me pay my debts back so he and his gang tried to steal from that man. I don’t care. I never asked him to commit a crime for me and I most definitely never asked him to kill someone,” you snapped. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about what happened and no matter which way I look at it, what Jaebum did is unforgivable. He’s not the man I used to know. He’d been dealing with these sort of criminals long before he told me the truth. He lied to me.”

Mark was quiet.

“I know,” he reassured you softly. “Just go talk to him.”

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

You took a deep breath before you entered the shed-like mechanic’s store. You had gone to the gas station nearby first, but a rather handsome young boy with a cheerful smile had been manning the counter and stammered out that Jaebum was in the garage. His nametag read Youngjae and he had gaped at you in a rather obvious manner as you left the store. You wasn’t sure whether he was just a hormonal teenage boy, or if he somehow knew who you were.

The mechanic’s was a dirty place. You found yourself coughing as you were hit with the pungent smell of oil and petrol. To nobody’s surprise, you spotted Park Jinyoung settled comfortably behind a table with some ledgers open in front of him, nodding off. No wonder. He had never been one to get his hands dirty, Jinyoung was probably managing the finances of this place. You tapped the table in front of him to get his attention.

“Ahem.”

Jinyoung jolted upright. “Huh? What-who- oh.” His eyes widened as he saw you and he blinked. “Well. I heard you were back in town, Chocolate Eyes, but I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Where’s Jaebum?”

He smiled a gummy smile. “What, no pleasantries-“

“Where’s Jaebum?”

His smile dropped when he noticed the serious expression on you face. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter, yelling out Jaebum’s name loudly. There was a shuffling noise from the back of the shed. A few clanks could be heard before Jaebum appeared from behind a car. He was wiping the oil off his hands as he approached the front, and he stopped short when his eyes landed on you.

“Hey,” he greeted softly.

“Can we talk?” you asked him.

He nodded silently, leading you towards a door in the side of the shop that led into a smaller office. It had a small table that was stacked with more ledgers, and paperwork that had evidently been left unfiled. Jaebum didn’t speak but you could see that he was tense; years of knowing him had left you able to recognize when the seemingly cool man was actually flustered. Jaebum’s jaw was clenched tightly and his eyes looked worried as he pointed towards a chair.

“Uh- you can have a seat-“

“Where’s Yugyeom? He told me he was coming to work with you today,” you said, ignoring the chair.

Jaebum was silent for a moment. His eyes drank you in slowly and quietly. He hadn’t had a chance to look at you properly the previous night, considering how dark it was and how upset you had been over Yugyeom being covered in blood. But he saw you now. You looked the same as you had looked two years ago. Your cheeks had filled out more and you looked healthier than when you had been here.

Jaebum could see the hard exterior that you were trying to display but there was vulnerability in your eyes. Your chocolate-colored orbs were red and puffy even as they glared at him. Jaebum could tell that you had been crying so he took a deep breath and tried to focus on his words.

“I sent Yugyeom on some errands.”

You didn’t like that answer. “Errands?” you demanded. “Is he going to come back beaten up and half dead from those errands again?”

“I sent him to the post office. He’s mailing some orders to our suppliers.”

“Suppliers? Suppliers of what?”

“Car parts,” he said firmly. Jaebum sighed and gestured towards the ledgers behind him. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but I’m not doing anything illegal here. This is a genuine business. You can check my accounts if you want to. It’s transparent.”

You folded your arms across your chest and stared back at Jaebum. You hated the gentle way in which he looked at you, the softness in his gaze even while you glared at him. It reminded you of all the stolen nights spent in your bedroom when you would look up from your homework and find Jaebum looking at you with that same gentle gaze, eyes full of adoration.

But you weren’t going to let silly feelings from the past overwhelm you. There was something going on, and the Lim Jaebum standing in front of you had too many secrets.

“Yugyeom says he’s started paying back my father’s debts. He claims he’s doing it from the salary you’re paying him for working here,” you informed him stiffly. “I’m supposed to believe you can afford to pay him so much money just from your profits here? How long have you been out of prison, Jaebum? I highly doubt that business is booming right now.”

Jaebum was silent.

“Can you honestly tell me you don’t have some other source of income on the side?”

He lowered his eyes, unable to meet you piercing gaze. “It’s not what you think,” he whispered.

“What is it, then? Tell me.”

“You don’t understand. You’ve been gone for a long time. Things here have changed a lot, especially your brother. I know you love him, but he’s not the same kid he used to be-“

“Of course he isn’t, you’ve been ruining him,” you hissed.

Jaebum looked bewildered. “Ruining him? What does that even mean, what exactly do you think-“

“Yugyeom told me,” you explained shakily, “that he would choose you over me any day. He seems to think I abandoned him. My little brother looked at me with more hatred than I’ve ever seen in his eyes in the past 17 years, Jaebum; tell me you didn’t do that to him.”

“He shouldn’t be treating you that way,” Jaebum mumbled. He ran a hand over his face and sighed. “I’ll talk to him about his behavior and teach him to be more respectful-“

You scoffed. “How? Are you going to beat it into him again?”

Jaebum looked shocked. “I have never laid a finger on your brother. Do you really think I’m capable of that? Do you really think I’m such a monster that I would hit Yugyeom?” he asked, his voice cracking. His eyes were piercing into yours as he searched for some reassurance. “You know me better than anyone. How could you think I would do that?”

There was a brief silence.

“I didn’t think you were capable of robbery or murder either, but here we are.”

Jaebum looked defeated. He closed his eyes for a moment and the two of you stood in a long, painful silence. You could feel your heartbeat thudding. Jaebum wasn’t denying it. He looked up at you calmly after a few moments, his eyes filled with pain.

“You must really hate me,” he whispered. He let out a small, choked laugh. “I probably deserve it, I don’t know. But believe me when I say that I never had any intention of hurting you or your brother. That’s the last thing I would want to do.”

You closed your eyes in an attempt to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill down your cheeks.. “I don’t care. I don’t care what you wanted. If you had known anything about me then you would have known that I never wanted you to do any of those things. I hate that you did them. I hate you. You’re a monster.”

Before Jaebum could say anything else, the door to the small office room burst open. Yugyeom entered with a cheerful grin on his face.

“Hyung! I posted those letters, like you asked. I met Bambam on the way too, his arm is almost healed so he might come into work tomorrow.” He finished speaking, before he suddenly noticed you standing there. His smile dropped suddenly. “Noona?”

Jaebum gave the younger boy a forced smile. “Your sister has been looking for you. Why don’t you go home with her?”

Yugyeom frowned at you. “Why do you have to come into my workplace?” he sounded annoyed. “Anyway, my shift isn’t over yet. I’m supposed to be working until 9 today so-“

“I’ll let you off early,” Jaebum replied. “Go home and have dinner with your sister.”

“I don’t want to,” Yugyeom replied defiantly. He turned and glared at you. “Why should I have dinner with her? Why should I care when she never cared about me?”

Your chest felt tight. “Yugyeom…”

Jaebum’s eyes flashed with a hint of anger as he saw the broken-hearted expression on your face. He knew how much you loved Yugyeom. He knew that you had done so much in order to protect your little brother and that you couldn’t bear the way he was treating you now. Jaebum placed a hand on Yugyeom’s shoulder and then turned to look at you.

“You should go home. I’ll send Yugyeom back home before dinnertime,” he told you calmly.

You swallowed. “But-”

“I promise.”

“If he’s not back home in two hours then I’m calling the police,” you told Jaebum shakily. Then you turned once more to meet Yugyeom’s angry eyes and felt the sharp stab of pain in your chest. Taking a deep breath, you slowly walked out of the mechanic’s shed.

You suddenly felt incredibly alone in this world.

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“Noona, can’t I come to these dance battles too?”

You sighed. Yugyeom was growing more alert and intelligent as time passed, which meant that he had a knack for figuring out when you were about to sneak out of the house to meet Jaebum. The young boy burst into your bedroom just as you were putting on your jacket and climbing out of the window.

“No, Yugyeom,” you told him patiently.

Yugyeom frowned. “Why not?”

“Because they’re not for little kids.”

“But I want to learn how to dance too! I’m really good at dancing!” he insisted with a pout. Yugyeom immediately started doing a rather poor imitation of breakdance moves in the middle of your bedroom to prove his passion. You couldn’t help but laugh; Yugyeom was growing taller and lankier each day and puberty had left him with dangling limbs and shoulders that he didn’t know what to do with. You giggled when he tried to imitate a robot-like dance move.

“Yugyeom, stop,” you laughed.

Yugyeom stopped dancing  and frowned. “It’s not fair. I’m a better dancer than you. Why can’t I go? Noona, I want to meet your boyfriend. Maybe he can teach me how to dance.”

You shook your head “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Yugyeom folded his arms across his chest with a pout. “Yes, you do. Don’t lie. I heard his voice in your bedroom last night. I know he’s the person you keep going to these dance battles with. Why won’t you take me with you? I promise I’ll be totally quiet and I won’t annoy him at all. I’ll even call him hyung and he can teach me how to breakdance!”

You smiled and placed your hands on your brother’s chubby cheeks to squish them. “You don’t want to come to those underground dance battles. How about you join some dance classes? Noona will find a way to pay for them. Just wait a year or two, okay?”

“Really?”

“I promise. If Yugyeom-mie wants to learn how to dance then he can learn it properly, not from my boyfriend.”

Yugyeom’s face broke into a shit-eating grin. “Ha! So you admit you have a boyfriend?”

You flushed. “What?”

“You admitted it, you admitted it! I didn’t really want to learn how to dance I just wanted you to admit that you had a boyfriend!” Yugyeom sang happily. He held his palm out to you in a smug manner. “Noona, give me money to buy a new game or I’m going to tell Mom about your boyfriend.”

You glared at him. “You little shit.”

Yugyeom beamed.

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Your mother was having trouble breathing when you got home.

“Are you sure we don’t need to go to the hospital, Mom?” you asked. There was a small medicine bag on the bedside table and you helped her find the asthma inhaler and use it to help calm her breathing. There were a surprisingly large number of medicines in the bag. You didn’t know who had paid for all of these medications and you didn’t really want to ask.

You had a feeling that you wouldn’t like the answer.

“I’m fine,” she croaked dismissively. She let out a dry cough. “This happens all the time. It’s fine. I’ll be perfectly fine in a few minutes.”

You bit your lip. “Mom…”

“It’s really all right. Why don’t you let me get up and make you some dinner-”

“I’ve already started on dinner,” you told her firmly before making sure that she lay back on the bed. You didn’t want her to strain herself in this delicate condition. “I bought chicken and potatoes to make Yugyeom’s favorite dinner and they’re cooking. I’m going to bring you some soup in bed.”

She glanced up at you. “Are you all right, dear?”

No, you thought to yourself. No, I’m not fine. Everything is falling apart, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know how sick you are. I don’t know how much trouble Yugyeom’s in.

I don’t know anything.

You had finished making dinner and served the meal into plates when the front door opened. Yugyeom trudged into the house with his lips pressed together tightly. He gave you a surly look and then sat down at the dining table. He blinked in surprise at how clean it was; you’d spent all afternoon cleaning the kitchen and the living room.

“I made chicken,” you informed him gently. You set the plate down in front of Yugyeom but he didn’t even look at it. He simply stared at you in stony silence. You sat across from him and clenched your fists. You hate the emptiness you saw in Yugyeom’s eyes as he stared at you. You hated how you could no longer see the spark of innocence, the happiness in his eyes as he called you noona.

You hated how your little brother had disappeared.

“Aren’t you hungry?” you wondered.

Yugyeom folded his arms across his chest and frowned. “Jaebum-hyung says I have to apologize to you. He thinks that I shouldn’t have been so rude and that I should treat my older sister better. Funny, isn’t it? How he seems to think that you’re deserving of respect even though you evidently think that he’s trash.”

You took a deep breath. “Yugyeom, Lim Jaebum is a criminal-”

“He served the time the court asked him to.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he’s guilty of murder and robbery,” you explained as you tried to stay calm. Your voice was trembling and you tried to make your brother understand. “He plead guilty to killing a man and robbing him. I know that you seem to think that Jaebum is some kind of role model and I understand why you trust him because he can seem like a very kind and understanding person but that doesn’t change the fact that-”

“You don’t even know him,” Yugyeom snapped.

You stared at him. “What?”

“You don’t even know him. You’re just like all the other people in this town, noona, you judge Jaebum-hyung based on rumours and stories. He’s a good person. He was there for me when nobody else was there and he took care of me. He treated me like his own brother. You were gone. When’s the last time you called me, noona? You haven’t been home in two years. Did you ever even answer my calls while you were at uni? Did you ever bother to come home during break?”

Your stomach churned. “Yugyeom, I was busy-”

He scoffed. “The usual story.”

“I was!” you cried. You couldn’t take this anymore. You couldn’t take Yugyeom treating you like you’d done something wrong when all your struggles and suffering had been for him. “Do you think it’s been easy to get my accounting degree while working multiple jobs at the same time? I was exhausted! I’ve been working day and night in order to put myself through university and keep up with my studies to maintain my scholarship! Do you know why I do these things? Do you you know why I struggle so much? Because I want a better life for our family. I want to get a good job, to earn enough to pay off our debt and take you and Mom away from this stupid town! I want to earn enough for you to go to college!”

Yugyeom stared at you in disbelief. “Really? Is that what you tell yourself every night? That you left me here to rot for my benefit?”

Your hands trembled. “I didn’t leave you here to rot-”

Yugyeom laughed, a cold and empty laugh that sent a shiver down your spine. His eyes were harsh when he stared at you. “I don’t know, noona. I don’t think you can have it both ways. You don’t get to leave me behind here and go off to your fancy university and live your life while claiming that you did it because you love me and care about me.”

“Yugyeom, I wanted you to be happy-”

“But I was unhappy!” he yelled at you suddenly. His face had turned red and you could see that his eyes had glazed over. He had evidently been holding this in for a long time. “I was unhappy when my sister left me behind in this stupid town, I was unhappy when she barely answered my calls or cared about my life. I was unhappy and I wanted you and you weren’t there for me, noona, so it doesn’t matter how much you sat there and wanted me to be happy because I wasn’t!”

You stared at him in shock. You suddenly realized how much pain Yugyeom was in. You realized how sheltered and adored and loved he had been until you left him behind to deal with his own life. How could you have been so stupid? How could you have thought that Yugyeom would be okay with you leaving him or that he would understand your reasons? He had been used to his older sister always being there for him and suddenly she had left. You wanted to reach out and hug your brother.

“I… I’m sorry.”

He bit his lip and shook his head. “Forget it.”

“Yugyeom, I really-”

“I don’t want to hear it, noona. I wanted to talk to you so many times but you never listened to me. You were always too busy. I don’t care if you wanted to earn money or pay off Dad’s debts or send me to college. We could have figured out ways to do that together. We could have worked as a team like we always did. You didn’t have to leave me here.”

Your voice cracked. “But-”

“You abandoned me and you seriously expect me to believe that you did it for my benefit,” Yugyeom reminded you shakily. His dark eyes were filled with pain. “Well, here’s the sad thing about your life, noona. I don’t believe that you really care about me and I’m not grateful. So you can do whatever you want now”

Yugyeom pushed the plate of chicken away and stormed upstairs.

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Yugyeom was bleeding.

They had taken him behind the alleyway and beaten him up, the same way they had been doing every day since he had tried to leave the gang. He had imagined that joining the gang would be cool and that he would make some friends. He hadn’t expected to be handed a knife and ordered him to mug somebody on the street at night. He couldn’t do it. Yugyeom had never hurt anybody and he couldn’t start now. He had refused.

But there was no leaving the gang. Once you entered it was for life.

Lying the alleyway while his arm bled out and his legs screamed in pain, Yugyeom wondered if he had much of life left.

He limped into a corner behind the alleyway and managed to find a place to sit while he clutched his heavily bleeding arm. His teeth were gritted in pain. Yugyeom was growing used to it; the physical pain wasn’t as unbearable as the intense loneliness that he felt once the gang was done beating him up. Yugyeom had never felt so alone in his life. He couldn’t go home and tell his mother; she was already so weak and frail, what if she tried to help him and the gang hurt her as well? All of his friends at school had started to avoid him. All the teachers had labelled him a problematic student and given up on him.

And you. His noona, the one person who had always taken care of him and solved all his problems for him, was gone.

He missed you.

Yugyeom reached into his pocket and carefully pulled out the cellphone that you had given him. Your last goodbye present before you left him here in this horrible place. Your cellphone number was the only number saved in the contacts and he tentatively pressed call before holding it up to his phone.

It rang four times before you answered.

“Yugyeom?” your voice answered. Yugyeom wanted to cry upon hearing your gentle voice. He wanted to hug you and tell you how horrible things were, he wanted to beg you to come back. He wanted to tell you that he didn’t know what to do anymore. He couldn’t do this alone. He needed you.

“Noona,” he croaked out.

“Yugyeom, I’m at work. Can I call you back tomorrow? I have to finish my shift and then go write a paper by midnight,” your voice said hurriedly. You sounded busy, as though talking to him was a bother. You sounded tired. Yugyeom felt his heart sink.

He bit his lip. “O-okay.”

“Just text me if it’s something urgent, okay? I can’t let my boss catch me my on my phone. Good night!”

Yugyeom let the phone fall to his side and sniffled back the tears that had begun to form in his eyes. You were always busy. You were always tired. He had been trying to tell you how bad things were for weeks but you never seemed to want to listen. He held the phone loosely in his hand and then opened a new text message.

‘Noona,’ he typed slowly. ‘I don’t want to live anymore.’

Yugyeom stared at the message for a few moments. Then he deleted it and let his head fall back against the wall. The phone clattered to the ground and he closed his eyes. There was no escape. You wouldn’t come to save him.

This was his life now.

Yugyeom wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying there bleeding. It was only when a soft hand gently shook him awake that he opened his eyes. He looked up blearily and saw an unfamiliar face; a broad-shouldered man with a sharp set jawline and kind eyes was helping him to his feet.

“Hey kid,” the man said quietly. “Stay with me, okay? Let’s get you somewhere safe.”

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You stumbled out of the house, feeling numb.

You felt like somebody had turned your world upside down. It was as if you had been walking along a path only to find that you’d been going backwards, that you were further away from your destination than when you started. Like you were tired, worn-out and had exhausted all your energy only to find that you’d been going the wrong way.

Now you didn’t have any energy left.

It was too late.

Yugyeom hated you.

Your feet carried you slowly down the dusty street. This town had always been small but you suddenly realized how dead it looked. It was a miserable place full of miserable people. It had always been. You had never been happy here. There were only two people in this entire world that had ever made you happy and you had somehow lost them both.

Jaebum had betrayed you and you had betrayed Yugyeom.

You passed by Mark’s bakery- it was closed, he always closed early in the evenings- and found yourself slowly walking towards the old gas station and Jaebum’s mechanic store. It had belonged to a friendly old man back when you were in high school. The old man must have died if Jaebum owned it now.

Jaebum.

Why had you blamed him? You were filled with a sudden intense, disgust for yourself as you looked at the old mechanic’s shed and saw the flickering light on in the back. Jaebum was evidently still working. He had been the one to take care of Yugyeom and give him a job while you were gone. He had taken responsibility for your young and innocent brother while you had been off in your own little world.

Jaebum was like that. Even when you had been together he had always done everything in his power to make you happy. His presence was magnetic. He was responsible and affectionate and had a heart of gold. He cared.

You missed Jaebum like crazy.

Your knees felt weak so you sat down on the sidewalk and pulled your knees up to your chest. You buried your head in your arms and held back the sobs that racked your body. You felt alone. You understood how Yugyeom must have felt now, dealing with your sick mother and having nobody to turn to when he was weak. You had failed him.

You had failed him terribly.

You heard the sound of footsteps approaching and slowly lifted your head. Jaebum had just stepped out of the shop and was walking towards you. He looked hesitant; his eyes were filled with concern but when they met yours, he finished the journey.

“Hey,” he greeted you quietly. “Didn’t Yugyeom come home?”

“He did,” you mumbled.

“Are you all right?”

“No.”

“Do you want to come inside?” Jaebum gently held his hand out to you. You saw his hand; it was rougher than it had been back in high school. There were calluses on his fingers and smudges of oil on his thumb. He had evidently been working hard. You looked up at Jaebum as the tears slid down your cheeks. You felt small and weak. Jaebum had always been there for you when you felt weak. He had been your only source of strength during the most difficult time of your life.

You missed him.

“Okay,” you whispered as you slowly reached for his hand. “Okay.”

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“Hey, you. Tall kid. Get under the car and clean up that grease for me,” Jinyoung ordered.

Yugyeom pouted.

Everyone working at the mechanics’ shed had almost instantly started to welcome him; some because they were fond of how sweet and easy-going Yugyeom was and others because they were scared of Jaebum and what he might do if they didn’t treat Yugyeom well.

Park Jinyoung was fond of Yugyeom because he liked to make him do all his dirty work.

“Hyung, isn’t that your car?” Yugyeom wondered.

Jinyoung narrowed his eyes. “Are you talking back to me? Are you forgetting who the boss is here?”

Yugyeom opened his mouth to respond cheekily but he was cut off by the appearance of Jaebum himself, wiping his hands on a dirty rag. Jaebum chuckled as he tossed the rag on a table nearby.

“The boss is me, Jinyoung. I put the money into this place. And I say that it’s your car so you need to clean up the grease yourself. Don’t keep bullying the kid.”

Jinyoung looked offended. “I’d like to remind you that I’m the one who manages the customers around here. Nobody would be sending their cars to us if my pretty face wasn’t sitting at the front desk. I bring some life to this place and you should be grateful.”

“I am grateful,” Jaebum replied simply. “Now clean your own car.”

Jinyoung made a face behind Jaebum’s back as the latter walked out of the mechanic’s shop. Yugyeom sniggered gleefully, but fell silent as soon as Jinyoung turned his sharp glare towards him.

“Don’t be so quick to laugh at me, kid. You’re lucky Jaebum puts up with you. He’s usually pretty hard on new people but for some reason he thinks you're cute. There’s something fishy about this whole situation. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

Jackson lifted his head from behind one of the car engines with a grin. “Isn’t it obvious? It’s because he looks a little bit like Chocolate Eyes.”

Yugyeom perked up. “Chocolate Eyes? What’s that?”

“Shhh, we don’t talk about Chocolate Eyes in front of Jaebum anymore. Not since she left, anyway.”

“But who is Chocolate Eyes?” Yugyeom demanded.

Jackson checked the door furtively to make sure that Jaebum had really left the shed before he turned back to Yugyeom. “Chocolate Eyes is our nickname for this girl that Jaebum was in love with before he went to prison. He used to write all these sweet love songs about her. Jaebum is usually a calm and logical person but when it came to her, he always threw all logic out of the window. I think he would have cut off his own hand for her if she’d just asked.”

Yugyeom gaped. “Wow. I can’t imagine how awesome she must have been for Jaebum-hyung to fall in love with her.”

Jinyoung tsk-ed. “Yeah, but what’s the point? She left him.”

“Why?”

“Sometimes love makes you do crazy things,” Jackson mused with a frown. “You forget all reason and rationality. That was what happened to Jaebum. He killed a man for her and she never forgave him. She came to the courtroom and watched him plead guilty, then she told him that she never wanted to see him again and left.”

Yugyeom’s eyes widened. “But why did he kill the man-”

“Okay, that’s enough gossiping about Jaebum’s life!” Jinyoung decided with a frown. “There is grease under my car and someone needs to clean it! Kim Yugyeom. We don’t pay you to sit around. Until the day you start bearing a resemblance to MY long lost lover, you’re going to have to pull your weight around here.”

Yugyeom pouted. “Yes, hyung...”

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The mechanic’s shed was empty because everyone had already gone home for the night.

Jaebum turned on a few lights so that the room was brighter and pulled up a chair next to Jinyoung’s desk for you. You sat down on it shakily and watched Jaebum go into a small pantry off to the side of the shed. He returned with two mugs of hot tea and pressed one into your hands. The warmth of the mug returned some feeling to your fingers and you stared up at Jaebum helplessly.

What am I doing? you wondered briefly.

“Did Yugyeom apologize to you?” Jaebum asked quietly.

You closed your eyes in shame. “He hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t. He’s been through a lot and he’s upset that you weren’t around to help him deal with his problems. He joined a gang and they wouldn’t let him leave. You know how dangerous those things are. He was being beaten up by them regularly when I found him. Yugyeom is an innocent kid, and he didn’t know how to handle the situation.”

You felt sick. “Oh god.”

“It happens to a lot of kids in this town.”

“Yeah, but Yugyeom’s my brother,” you whispered.

Your hands trembled and Jaebum carefully took the tea mug away from you. You looked up at him and suddenly realized that, in this moment, you hated yourself so much more than you hated Jaebum. You were the one person Yugyeom had trusted and you'd left him behind and tried to blame Jaebum for your mistakes.

“How could I have let this happen to him? Why didn’t I just make the time to call every now and then? How did- how did I not even know that things had gotten this bad?”

“You were busy. It can’t have been easy to put yourself through college and work so hard.”

“It wasn’t,” you whispered. You squeezed your eyes shut and a tear escaped. “It was hell. It is hell. I barely slept three hours a night because I’d work night shifts and have to go to class the next morning. I would have given up long ago if I didn’t keep thinking that I couldn’t let down Yugyeom and my mother. I went through all of this for them but I destroyed them in the process. I didn't… I didn't mean to leave him!”

“He doesn’t know that. He just missed you.”

“I miss him too,” you choked out.

You couldn’t hold back the sobs that were rising up in your throat. Your heart felt like it was going to rip out of your chest and you pressed your hands to your face while you sobbed. How could you have been so ignorant? Jaebum sat silently while you cried your eyes out. There was nothing he could say to help; you had bottled up your emotions and you needed to release them. He simply watched you quietly and wondered why the world had dealt someone as soft-hearted as you such a bad deal.

Once the sobs subsided, Jaebum handed you a tissue. You took it reluctantly and then looked up at Jaebum. He was watching you with a pained expression on his face.

“Why was he all bloody last night?” you managed to ask finally. “It really wasn’t you who hurt him?”

Jaebum sighed. “We paid off the gang to stop attacking him but sometimes they still rough him up when they catch him alone. Last night was one of those nights. Yugyeom’s gotten a lot better at defending himself, though, and he has my number on speed dial. He calls when he’s in trouble so we can go get him. You don’t need to worry. It doesn’t happen too often.”

You glared at him.

“Once is too often.”

“He’ll be fine,” Jaebum promised you. His voice was gentle. It shouldn't have been and you hated how much it comforted you. “Yugyeom might not be the little kid you remember anymore, but sometimes life throws circumstances at people and it changes them. We all have to toughen up. Yugyeom happened to learn that the hard way, just like you and I did."

You stared at Jaebum. There was a kindness in his eyes that you had missed, a kindness that you found so difficult to trust because you had been betrayed by it before. Jaebum had always been soft at heart. But you had also seen this soft-hearted man handcuffed and taken to prison. You had watched him stand in front of a judge and plead guilty to murder in order to get a lighter sentence.

Somewhere behind that soft heart  was a monster.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked quietly. “Helping Yugyeom? Why did you take him in and pay off the gang to leave him alone?”

Jaebum blinked at you calmly. “You know why I did it.”

“Out of kindness?”

“No.” Jaebum’s lips twisted into a reluctant smile. “Do you really want to hear me say it?”

"Yeah."

"I did it because I love you," he told you quietly. "I did it because I promised you once that I would never let anything happen to your family and I wanted to keep my promise."

You stared at him. Even after all this time, it made your heart leap to hear Jaebum say so confidently that he loved you. His voice was gentle and it sounded so honest and sincere. Jaebum had always been honest.

Until the day he wasn't.

"I figured our promises went down the drain when you were convicted for murder and robbery," you told him bluntly. It was true. No matter how kind Jaebum's eyes were or how sincere his words, nobody could ever erase the memory of watching the man you loved be taken away in handcuffs as a violent criminal. That would stay with you forever.

Jaebum leaned back and nodded. His eyes were dull and unsurprised, like he had already resigned himself to the truth.

"I thought you would say that. I don't expect you to trust me. But I'm still the man you loved," he whispered. He took a deep breath. "I understand if you hate that I'm a criminal but I have only ever wanted you to be happy."

"Did you really go there to rob that man?" you asked shakily. You wondered if Jaebum would ever tell you the truth, or if there was even any truth left to tell. "I saw the victim's face in the papers. He used to come to your dance battles sometimes. Did you find out that he had that money and go there to rob him?"

Jaebum's jaw tightened. "No."

"Then why did you go there?"

"You don't want to know," he replied darkly. "Trust me. You're better off not knowing what happened that night. Hate me all you want, since it's true that I killed him."

"Don't you feel any remorse?" you whispered.

Jaebum shook his head. "No. I would do it again."

You stared at Jaebum. Despite all that had happened, some part of you desperately wanted to believe him. You wanted to think that the man you had loved had had a justified reason for robbing a man and murdering him in cold-blood.

You wanted to know if he had really done it for you.

"Then tell me. How bad can it be? Tell me what happened."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure about this, Jaebum?” Jinyoung asked nervously.

“I need the money. She needs the money or those goons will never leave her alone,” Jaebum said firmly. His jaw was clenched. He had made up his mind and there was nothing anybody could do to change it. Seeing you cry after you’d been threatened by the moneylender’s cronies had terrified Jaebum.

He wasn’t going to wait to lose you.  

“But Jaebum, it’s your music. They’re going to pass it off as their own and they won’t give you a share in the copyrights. You wanted to start your own career. How are you going to do that if you sell everything you’ve worked on to that fake-ass musician? Do you really need to get involved with people like that?” Jinyoung demanded. He could see how emotional Jaebum was and he felt like it was his responsibility to stop his friend from making an irrational decision.

Jaebum took a deep breath and frowned. “I appreciate your concern, Jinyoung, but I need you to shut up right now.”

“You’re even going to sell him Chocolate Eyes?”

“Yes.”

“There’s something extremely shady about this. What if he’s not willing to leave it as a one-time transaction? What if he wants you to keep working for him and he keeps stealing your music? There’s something fishy about these people. Jaebum, let’s sit down and think about this and do some research before you walk into their den and hand over all of your work to them-”

“I don’t have the time to sit down, those goons could hurt her any moment-”

Jaebum was interrupted by Jackson. The normally loud and talkative boy had been silent ever since Jaebum announced his intention to hand over all of his music in the form of ghostwriting for some money. Jackson reached into his pocket and pressed something into Jaebum’s hand; it was a knife.

“Be careful,” Jackson whispered. “These guys can be dangerous.”

Jaebum nodded.

His backpack felt heavy as he went to the address written on the slip of paper. This strange man had approached him at one of the dance battles; he had repeatedly asked Jaebum to sell him all of his music but Jaebum had refused. He had imagined that he could start his own producing career once he graduated and selling all of his work hadn’t seemed like the best way to start.

But now your life was more important.

The building was dark and dimly lit. Jaebum had to walk through alleyways and ask a few unpleasant people for directions before he finally managed to find the apartment number. It was dirty. He knocked on the door hesitantly.

“Who is it?” a voice asked gruffly from the other side.

“It’s-it’s Jaebum. We talked on the phone? About the music?” he called out.

The door swung open. The man was standing on the other side and he had a huge smile on his face; he welcomed Jaebum into the apartment and clapped him on the back heartily. “Jaebum! Come on in. I heard about your situation. Don’t worry, I’ve got the money ready for you. Here’s my assistant. Hey! Bring the kid the money. Do you have all the music?”

Jaebum swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.”

A large and well-built man came out of the adjoining room with a bag. He unzipped it and showed Jaebum that it was filled with currency; Jaebum had never seen so much money in his life. His hands were shaking as he reached into his own backpack and pulled out his music notebooks.

“I-I put everything together here,” Jaebum explained quietly.

“All of it?”

“Yeah, everything I’ve ever written.”

The man nodded sympathetically as he took the notebook and then handed Jaebum the bag of cash. “You’re doing a good thing, kid. I’m sure your girlfriend will be happy about you helping her. You said that the moneylenders are threatening her because of her father’s debt? Poor girl. She must have been so terrified.”

Jaebum swallowed. “Uh-yeah.”

“Okay, kid. You stay in touch and let me know if you ever write some more stuff that you want to sell me, yeah? Shut the door behind you when you leave.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Jaebum’s hands closed around the bag filled with money and he quickly transferred it into his own backpack. Then he hurried out of the apartment. He was about to shut the front door when he suddenly wondered if he should have counted the money out in front of them or even checked to see if it was legitimate. What if they were cheating him because he was just a teenager? Jaebum turned around to go back when he heard voices drifting out of the next room.

“.... stupid kid. I bet he doesn’t even realize how much quality music like this is worth. I’m almost wondering if we should let him live so he can write more stuff for us.”

“Yes, boss.”

“Do you think that pretty little girlfriend of his inspired all these songs? I’m kind of curious about her too. Maybe you should go find her. We’ll have some fun with her once you’ve gotten the money back from the kid. Once he’s dead I guess there won’t be anyone left for her to turn to. I love helpless girls, they’re the best kind.”

Jaebum’s heart clenched with fear.

Fuck. What had he gotten himself into? Fuck.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Don’t let the kid get too far with our money. Finish him and bring me my cash back.”

Jaebum heard the sound of footsteps and ran; he sprinted to the end of the corridor where a supply closet was half open and thrust himself inside. His heartbeat raced and he held his breath as the watched the large bodyguard walk past him through the crack of the door.

Once he was gone, Jaebum  slumped back against the wall and sank to the floor. Fuck. What was he going to do? This man was out to kill him and he was going to hurt you too. What had he gotten himself into? How was he going to escape this? Even if he managed to survive the bodyguard and make off with the money, there was no way to stop them from hurting you. Jaebum banged his fists against the wall in desperation. Something fell out of his pocket and clattered to the floor.

The knife.

Jaebum’s fingers closed around it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The lawyer said that if I plead guilty and show remorse, the judge would consider my young age and I could get away with a lighter sentence,” Jaebum explained quietly. “Otherwise I would have been locked up for years. There was no way to prove that the cash had been given to me by the man so they presumed I must have stolen it. I really wanted to tell people the truth about what happened. But it wasn’t worth spending a decade in prison.”

You had no words to say. As you looked up at Jaebum, you finally saw him for what he really was. Not a monster or a criminal, but a scared boy who had done something foolish in a moment of fear. No matter how much life hardened Jaebum or how brave he was, that part of him was still there on the inside.

You felt sick.

“You must have been so scared,” you whispered.

He bit his lip. “It’s okay. I was an idiot. I should never have trusted that man in the first place. It was my own desperation and foolishness that got me into that situation.”

“But-”

“Please don’t pity me,” Jaebum told you firmly. “That’s the last thing I want to hear from you.”

Your head was spinning and you had to press your fingers to your temple in order to collect your thoughts. How could you have misunderstood Jaebum so much? How could you have been so quick to turn on a man who loved you and who had put himself in danger for you? You felt pathetic. You had abandoned Yugyeom and misunderstood him the same way.

Were you capable of doing anything right? Or were you bound to keep hurting the people you loved because of your foolishness?

“I-I never even… I never even came to see you when you were in prison,” you remembered miserably. “Because I thought you really went there to rob that man, I thought you had lied to me about not getting involved in anything illegal and because you’d been acting so shady about the whole thing after those goons threatened me-”

“I know,” he replied.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t say that. I know you were scared and I know you felt betrayed,” Jaebum said. He carefully reached out and placed his hand over yours. His warm fingers felt familiar as his thumb gently stroked your palm. Jaebum’s touch had always been comforting. “Life thrusts a lot of things at us and we react how we feel we need to at the time. It’s okay. I’m fine. You’re fine. Yugyeom is fine too, and that’s all that matters.”

You bit your lip. “How can you be so optimistic?”

“Because I want to be happy.”

“Are you?”

Jaebum shrugged. “Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. But right now with you in front of me, I think I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while.”

"I want to be happy too," you mumbled.

Jaebum nodded.

"Don't worry. You will be."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaebum insisted on taking you home.

As you walked down the street with him quietly, his hand loosely holding yours, you were reminded of all the times you had done this before. You were reminded of how loved and safe you had always felt with Jaebum. How difficult it had been to say goodbye to him at the end of each day.

You missed that feeling.

"Don't worry about Yugyeom too much," Jaebum reassured you quietly. "He was angry and he needed to let it all out but now that he has, I'm sure he'll remember how much he misses you. He used to talk about you all the time. He can’t possibly forget how much he loves you.”

“He seems to love you more.”

Jaebum bit his lip. “He’s just a loving kid. That’s how he is.”

You glanced up at Jaebum and for a brief moment, you wondered what might have happened to your family and Yugyeom if he hadn’t been there to take care of them. If Jaebum hadn’t rescued Yugyeom from the gang and been an older brother to him, if he hadn’t been around to pay for your mother’s medication. Jaebum had fixed all the problems that were yours to handle and you couldn’t understand why he did all these things while you had written him off as a criminal and a monster.

“You should get some sleep,” Jaebum told you as you both approached your house. “You need to relax. Everything will be fine.”

You glanced down at your intertwined hands.

“Everything’s only fine because you take care of it,” you mumbled. It was slowly sinking in exactly how much you owed Jaebum, how much he had done with the sole purpose of making your life happier. How was anyone capable of such selfless love? Why had he chosen you of all people to care for? You looked up at him and frowned. “Why do you keep taking care of everything?”

Jaebum looked down at you quietly. “I don’t know.”

“I hate how much I need you,” you told him.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to, because you both knew the truth in that statement. No matter how much you denied it, the fact was was right there in front of your eyes.

You needed Jaebum.

You weren’t sure which one of you moved first, but it was probably you who wrapped your arms around Jaebum and wove your fingers tightly onto the fabric of his jacket. You needed to feel him close to you. You needed him to reassure you that everything would be okay, that even if you couldn’t handle life he would be there to help you through it. You needed to feel safe and the only time you felt that way was when you were in Lim Jaebum’s arms.

Jaebum had never imagined that he would get to hold you again. When you buried your face into his chest he was reminded of the cold nights in prison thinking about you, wondering where you were and how much you hated him. He remembered thinking that he would never get to hold you like this again, that he would never get to feel you in his arms once more. He would never get to see your beautiful eyes smiling back at him sweetly.

“I love you,” he whispered.

You leaned up and kissed him. It was a soft kiss; filled with hesitation and relief and gratitude and trust, and all the other wild mixture of emotions that were spinning through your mind at the moment. Jaebum’s lips captured yours tentatively. He didn’t want to lose you. He didn’t want to push you so far when you were so overwhelmed. He pecked your lips softly and brought his hands up to capture your face in them as he looked down at you.

“We don’t have to do this now,” he told you softly. “We can take this slow and talk about-”

“Noona?”

You ripped yourself away from Jaebum at the sound of Yugyeom’s voice. Your younger brother was standing on the front porch and staring at the both of you with wide eyes. You felt a sudden shiver down your spine.

Jaebum spoke first. “Yugyeom-”

“I’ve been trying to call you for over an hour, hyung,” Yugyeom said. His voice sounded thick and hoarse; like he had been crying. His ears were flushed red. “But you weren’t answering your phone. I thought you must have been working. You were fucking around with my sister?”

You flinched. “Yugyeom,I can explain-”

“Yeah, please do,” he snapped. His voice was trembling as he stepped closer to the both of you. He sounded angry. “Because barely twenty-four hours ago you were calling Jaebum-hyung a criminal and now you’re messing around with him? What sort of fucked up logic is that, noona? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I-”

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Yugyeom. We’ve known each other for a long time now,” Jaebum explained calmly. He took a deep breath. “I knew your noona long before I met you. We used to date in high school.”

Yugyeom’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“I’m sorry I never said anything,” Jaebum replied. “But they were painful and personal memories to me so I didn’t like talking about them.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yugyeom…”

Yugyeom’s dark eyes had widened in horror. “Oh my god, noona, you’re Chocolate Eyes. You’re the girl Jaebum-hyung used to be in love with who left him after he got arrested. But that means…” he turned and looked at Jaebum. Something behind his eyes seemed to break. “That means you knew that I was her brother.”

Jaebum hesitated. “I-yes…”

“So all this time,” Yugyeom began slowly. “All this time, when you rescued me from the gang and when you gave me a job and all those times you told me that I could trust you and count on you, you weren’t doing those things for me. You didn’t do any of that for me. You took me in and cared for me because you used to fuck around with my sister. I thought the world of you but you just looked at me and saw her, didn’t you?” he cried. Tears were brimming in his eyes.

“What? Yugyeom, no-”

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. His dark gaze suddenly looked ashamed. “I guess I’m always the burden.”

Your heart broke. “No-”

You reached out to wrap your arms around Yugyeom, to hold your little brother tightly and reassure him that he was not a burden and that you would always love him more than anything in the world.

But Yugyeom shoved your arms away roughly and gave you one last heartbroken look before he ran down the street. You started to run after him but Jaebum silently held you back. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly to his chest.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Give him some space. He’ll come back.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Noona,” Yugyeom asked suddenly. “Noona, am I annoying?”

You barely glanced up from your homework. Yugyeom was always asking you stupid questions while you were trying to study and you were too busy struggling to find the right formula for the algebra problem.

“Yes, you’re very annoying,” you told him simply.

Yugyeom bit his lip.

“Oh. Okay.”

You lifted your head and turned around to look at him, immediately sensing something wrong. That wasn’t Yugyeom’s usual curious tone. He sounded upset. You saw him sitting in the middle of your bed while picking at the loose strings of the sheets miserably. You sighed and closed your books. You sat next to him and patted his mushroom-shaped hair.

“Did somebody call our Yugyeom-ie annoying?” you asked.

He pouted. “No.”

“You can’t lie to me. Noona knows everything.”

“... Yes,” he admitted. His lower lip stuck out in a small pout. “This girl at school said I was annoying. She told me I was being too loud and to shut up.”

You frowned. How dare some stupid girl tell your adorable brother that he was annoying? Kids were meant to be loud anyway. “You should have told her to shut up too.”

Yugyeom smiled sheepishly. “Really?”

“Sure. Who isn’t loud during playtime? She was being a…” you cleared your throat before you used an unpleasant word in front of him. “Well. Not a nice person.”

“But you didn’t answer my question. Do I annoy you?”

“Sure you do,” you told him lightly. “You annoy me all the time. But that’s okay, because family are the people who you can annoy but they’ll still love you. You might be annoyed by what they DO, but you’ll still love THEM, you, know? I’ll always love you no matter how much you annoy me. Because you’re my brother and that’s how things are.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“But the girl at school won’t, right?”

You chuckled. “Yugyeom, do you have a crush on this girl?”

His ears turned red. “What? No!”

“Ooooooh, Yugyeom had a crush on a girl,” you sang playfully, poking him in the shoulder. Yugyeom’s face slowly blushed red and he shoved at you before hurrying out of your bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him. You smiled and turned back to your homework.

You would always love Yugyeom.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yugyeom didn’t come home that night.

You had to go back to university in two days but you couldn’t bring yourself to even think about packing. You spent most of the night awake and terrified that Yugyeom was roaming around on the streets somewhere alone, that the gang who was after his life would find him and hurt him. He wasn’t answering your phone calls or Jaebum’s.

In the early hours of the morning, Jaebum got a call from Bambam saying that Yugyeom had arrived at his place and that he was upset, but safe. He didn’t want to talk to either of you.

“It’s time to take your medicines,” you told your mother quietly as you entered her bedroom. The old woman was still lying in bed and looking as frail as ever. She had become a shell of the person that she used to be and you could see that something in her eyes was broken. You didn’t want to ask her why. You squeezed her hands. “Are you okay, Mom?”

She took a deep breath and looked at you calmly. “I’m sorry I’m such a burden.”

Your throat felt tight. “Mom…”

“I should have taken better care of you both but I can barely get out of bed. I know that the only reason Yugyeom has been able to afford my medicines is because Jaebum gives him money. I know that you’ve been having such a hard time at university because you need to work so much. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to do better. I’m sorry.”

You squeezed her hand as tears blurred your vision. “Mom, you did fine.”

“I don’t know how much longer I’ll last.”

“Don’t say things like that.”

“You know I love you, right? And Yugyeom too. I’m so proud of him. I’m proud of you both.”

“I know. He knows and I know, it’s okay. You’re going to be fine,” you promised her, although you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure if she would be fine or if Yugyeom would be fine or if you would be fine. You weren’t sure of anything.

You just wanted it all to end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I don’t know if I can go back,” you admitted shakily.

Jaebum sat on your bed quietly as he watched you pack. You had already overstayed your vacation and there were classes, assignments and papers you had to write in order to finish your graduation. Everything was waiting there but your heart wouldn’t let you leave.

“You have to graduate,” Jaebum reminded you quietly.

“I-I could take a semester off,” you mumbled as you placed a t-shirt half-heartedly in the suitcase. You swallowed and looked up at him with a frown. “But that would delay my graduation and it might mean that I would lose my scholarship. I don’t think I could afford to pay tuition. What should I do, Jaebum?”

He bit his lip. “You should go finish your degree.”

“Still? Even though things have gotten this bad in my absence?” you wondered. You pressed your fingers to your temples. “Then Yugyeom will never forgive me. And Mom… she keeps talking about how she might die soon and it’s scaring me, Jaebum.”

“She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure she gets the medical treatment she needs.”

“But-”

“You can’t abandon your education now. What will become of the last two years of your hard work?” Jaebum asked you with a frown. He placed an arm around your shoulder and squeezed you comfortingly. “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much. It’s all okay.”

“You keep saying that but things only keep getting worse, Jaebum-”

The doorbell rang. Your eyes widened in surprise and Jaebum gestured for you to stay put while he went to check out who it was. You sat down and pressed your fingers to your temples again. It was too much to hope that Yugyeom had come back. He had been staying at Bambam’s and had refused to talk to either you or Jaebum for days. Your felt nauseous as you continued to toss clothes into your suitcase. Jaebum was taking a long time to return.

There was a sharp knock on the bedroom door.

“Hey,” Jaebum peeked into your room with a small smile. “Look who’s here.”

He stepped aside to reveal Yugyeom standing behind him. Your eyes widened in relief at the sight of your little brother safe and unhurt. “Yugyeom!” you cried. He looked a little thin and his fists were clenched at his side. He was staring at the floor but you hurried over to him and cupped his cheeks. “Yugyeom, are you okay? I’ve been so worried about you! How could you not even answer our calls?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“You know you’re not a burden, right? You’ve never been a burden to me,” you blurted out rapidly. You had to blink back your tears.  “You’re my family. How could you be a burden? I love you so much. There’s nobody in the world I care about more and I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, noona made a mistake, I’m so sorry.”

Yugyeom didn’t say anything. He merely stood there silently, staring at the floor. Jaebum gave you a soft smile and then squeezed Yugyeom’s shoulder.

“I’m going downstairs so that you both can talk,” he told you.

Jaebum left and to your surprise, Yugyeom quietly entered your room and sat on your bed. His dark eyes looked around at your suitcase and clothes laid out everywhere silently. His hands were clasped in his lap tightly. You didn’t know what to say to him.

“Are you leaving for university?” Yugyeom asked you after a long and painful silence.

You bit your lip and looked down at the suitcase. It was only half-packed. You sat next to Yugyeom and quickly took both of his hands in yours.

“Do you want me to stay?” you demanded. “I can stay. Just say the word and I’ll stay, Yugyeom.”

He shook his head. “No, you should go.”

“O-okay.”

He took a deep breath. “Noona?”

“Yeah?”

Yugyeom turned to look at you and you saw tears in his dark eyes. For a moment, he suddenly looked like your adorable little brother again. There was pain and hurt in his eyes but there was also a tiny bit of hope. Something inside of him had given up.

“Noona, can you take me with you?” he choked out.

Your eyes widened and you nodded instantly. You threw your arms around Yugyeom and hugged him tightly, leaving him breathless. “Of course,” you said without missing a beat. “Of course I’ll take you with me. Let’s all go together. We’ll-we’ll find a better hospital for Mom and you can go to a better school. It might be hard for a while because I have to finish university but we’ll find some way to make money until I get a regular job-”

His arms slowly and carefully wrapped around you. “We can… we can sell this house, right?” he asked timidly.

You paused and then nodded. “Yeah, we can do that.”

“I don’t really care if we sell the house as long as the three of us are together,” he admitted quietly.

You laughed and nodded. Of course. Of course. What did the house matter? What was important that your family was all in one place. You decided that anything would be fine as long as your family was happy. Tears slipped out of your eyes as you fondly stroked Yugyeom’s hair and felt his own racking sobs.

“We’ll be fine,” you promised. And for the first time, you actually believed what you were saying. “We’ll be fine.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue (Five Years Later)

“Noona, she threw up on me again,” Yugyeom complained.

He entered the kitchen holding your crying one-year old daughter at arm’s length while the front of his t-shirt was covered in baby puke. You turned off the stove and groaned. This was the third time this week. You took the crying child from him and gently rocked her in order to console her while you cleaned the puke off her face at the sink.

“I told you not to toss her in the air!” you scolded your brother.

“But she likes it. She always giggles,” Yugyeom defended himself.

“And then she throws up on you and since you are a complete man-child incapable of doing your own laundry, I have to wash both your clothes and hers and whatever else the puke got on. What are you going to do when you have your own children, Yugyeom? Are you going to be this careless?” you scolded him angrily while the baby wailed. You held to your chest and rocked her. “Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay, sweetie, Uncle Yugyeom is just bad. It’s okay.”

Yugyeom pouted sadly. “I’ll go change.”

You frowned. “Go on, then.”

He was just about to step out of the kitchen when the sound of the front door opening caused him to stop in his tracks. Jaebum entered the kitchen calmly, taking off his jacket while frowning at you all.

“Why is the house always so noisy?” he complained.

You rolled your eyes. “Ask Yugyeom.”

Yugyeom merely pouted and slouched out of the kitchen in order to go and clean himself off. You sighed and glanced at the dinner cooking on the stove before realizing that it was about to overcook. You quickly handed the crying child to your husband. “Can you hold her for a second? Dinner is about to burn.”

Jaebum blinked. “Uh-sure-”

“God, I have to do everything around here.”

“Actually, I have something to tell you. Can we talk for a minute?” Jaebum asked you hopefully. He was looking at you eagerly but you were too busy stirring at the dinner on the stove. You had a lot to do; you had to finish dinner and then take a shower and then free yourself for a conference call in the evening with some work colleagues-

“Can it wait?” you asked. “I’m busy.”

“This is kind of big, actually.”

“I know but I’ve been so overwhelmed all day and now stupid Yugyeom had to go and get puke all over himself again so I’ll have to do a round of laundry before bed.”

“I’ll do the laundry. Just listen.”

You turned around and raised an eyebrow. He was holding your baby in one arm (she had miraculously stopped crying) and the other hand was holding something book-shaped. You squinted at it more closely and realized that it was a music album. You stared at him and your eyes widened.

“Oh my god. It was today? The album release?” you asked in shock. You felt terrible. “Jaebum, I completely forgot-”

Jaebum smiled and opened the album to show you. It had taken a lot of time for people to accept him in the city; his prison record didn’t do him any favours but he hadn’t given up on his dream. One month ago, Jaebum had signed a contract with a large music company who had hired him as a producer for some famous hip-hop artists. He flipped open the track list and right there at the top, with the lyrics and production credited to Lim Jaebum was the song.

Chocolate Eyes.

You beamed at your husband. Jaebum’s own eyes were shining and he chuckled when your daughter squealed in delight and reached for the album with her tiny little fists. He put her down on the floor and gave her the album to sit down and play with before turning to you.

“What do you think?” Jaebum asked you hopefully.

You kissed him softly.

“I think I love you,” you told him with a smile.

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