#my dad's gonna fucking yell at me for this
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Fics I Enjoyed in December - DC Comics Fic Rec List
Fell headfirst back into DC Comics for the first time in years this month. Reread some old favorites and discovered some new gems!
Heart, Humble by Betty (Mature, 8k, 2005) Jack Drake deals with finding out that Tim is Robin (poorly, and then not so poorly). THEE canon-accurate Jack Drake-focused fic of all time, this is canon in my heart.
Back then, all the boys his age had hero-worshipped costumed vigilantes. Jack supposes they still do.
Exit Strategy by smilebackwards/@smilebackwards (Teen & Up, 13k, 2021) Tim plans to leave a family he thinks he was never really a part of and decides to train Damian on how to run Wayne Enterprises before he goes. Delicious angst, excellent character work, and fun Wayne Enterprises worldbuilding.
Batman needs a Robin and Batman has a Robin. Tim is just extraneous now, vestigial. He’s a bandage over a healed wound. He doesn’t know what he’s hanging on to. Or: Tim didn’t expect his exit strategy from the Batfamily to involve quite so much bonding time with Damian over Wayne Enterprises bureaucracy.
On the Downbeat by husborth (Teen & Up, 2k, 2019) Bruce and Jason talk while waiting in line at a drive-thru (featuring Gotham-typical violence and husborth-typical gorgeous prose). I've always adored husborth's Star Wars fics and I'm so glad I dipped my toe into their DC works, no one's writing hits quite like husborth.
Jason has recovered his sanity, and Bruce and Jason have recovered their relationship; but there are some things that are hard to forget.
A Zoo for Canines by husborth (Mature, 45k, 2019) Part 2 of Zoology; Dick and Jason try to help Bruce recover from addiction. If you're used to fanon Dick Grayson (cheery, friendly, forgiving) you will not find him here - his anger and pain is ugly, raw, and so fucking captivating.
Dick, Bruce, and Jason head out to a cabin in the mountains, and they handle things about as well as they handle anything.
All the Roofs of Uncertainty by Kieron_ODuibhir/@kieron-oduibhir (General Audiences, 70k, 2015) Dick almost dies and makes Jason promise to take care of the family for him. A masterclass demonstration on how DC fic can square all the wildly divergent canon versions of Jason Todd into a single compelling character.
For all the blood on his hands, Red Hood was never just a villain. And Nightwing never gives up on family, not for good. (Or: The one where Dick bleeds a lot and Jason argues with everybody.)
The Till-Then From the Ever-Since by Kieron_ODuibhir/@kieron-oduibhir (General Audiences, 85k (WIP), 2020) Kid versions of the whole Batfamily mysteriously time travel to the future! I livetexted a friend the whole time I read this so I could yell about how amazing the character writing is; also I'm wildly impressed with how the author deftly handles tons of dialogue-heavy scenes with like 12+ guys in it without anyone going unmentioned.
It began, or seemed to begin, with Jason. Usually that would have meant something in the order of fire and explosion and probably at least one gunshot wound, but for once (as Tim said, sourly), it wasn't actually Jason's fault.
only you will have stars that can laugh by silverwhittlingknife/@silverwhittlingknife (Teen & Up, 9k, 2022) Dick finds out Tim is alone on Christmas and invites him to Babs' Christmas party. Discovered silverwhittlingknife through their galaxy brained Dick & Tim meta essays, stayed for every single line of Chapter 2 ripping out my heart and roasting it over an open flame.
You coming over is possibly the only thing that’s gonna stop me from wanting to punch your dad in the face, Dick doesn’t say. My current Christmas Day plans are 1) pace around at home, and 2) try not to obsess about what Bruce is up to, so trust me, you’ll be an improvement, Dick doesn’t say. Tim's alone on Christmas Eve. Dick finds out, and fixes it.
nerve endings by silverwhittlingknife/@silverwhittlingknife (Teen & Up, 5k (WIP), 2024) Post-Catalina Flores, Dick, Tim, and Bruce go on a (canon-accurate) cruise and dance around their open wounds. This is a glorious example of "he WOULD fucking say that", Dick's voice is so canon-accurate that the angst is even more painful i cri
It's all right, even, to have a foreign hand pressing against his skin, testing him, testing his reactions. He keeps his breathing controlled. Just Tim, damn you, it’s just Tim, don’t fuck it up. Dick's on a cruise with Bruce and Tim. And he's fine. Mostly.
Red Letter Day by silverwhittlingknife/@silverwhittlingknife (Teen & Up, 42k (WIP), 2022) Dick is sure the cryptic scribble in his agenda refers to something he's supposed to do for Damian, but he can't remember what. Mostly about Tim and Dick s l o w l y mending the post-Damian rupture in their relationship, but the whole family is here and Jason, especially, is fucking hilarious.
Dick Grayson, stressed pseudo-parent to a preteen assassin, tries to solve the case of Damian’s Mysterious Wednesday. He never expected it to help him fix his relationship with Tim, too. (… Though only after everything fell apart first.)
Gonna Be A Better One (A Thousand Miles To Your Door) by Traincat/@traincat (Teen & Up, 18k, 2011) Tim and Kon keep dating even after Jack forces Tim to retire as Robin. I reread this fic annually and every time am delighted to rediscover how funny and heartwarming and squee-inducingly kind it is, pure Timkon perfection.
In which Tim quits being Robin, Kon refuses to quit Tim and Ma Kent is full of relationship advice.
last light in a darkened room by bigdamnher0/@bigdvmnhero (Not Rated, 6k, 2024) Tim finds a distressing video of Robin!Dick and wishes that things were different. The whole fic, particularly Tim manifesting a happy ending in the bathroom, is a gorgeously crafted tragedy such that you're left kind of awed at how thoroughly massacred your heart and soul are post-read.
Tuesday morning: a video was uploaded to one of the deep web black markets. The footage, shot on those grainy vintage camcorders. But Tim knew that boy in the thumbnail; his eyes had memorized him, the heft and shape and dazzle of him, imprinting like an afterimage. Or: a brother is a witness; there's your tragedy.
buy back the secrets by sundiscus/@vinelark (Teen & Up, 91k (WIP), 2024) Superboy rescues civilian Tim Drake before learning that Tim is Robin and shenanigans ensue. I spent my whole holiday vacation intermittently screaming at this fic while my family members looked on with vague concern this fic is ADORABLE and AGONIZING and PERFECT please and THANK YOU.
He takes a long, slow breath. Ignores the glares from the other students. “Superboy,” he murmurs. “It’s me. If you’re listening, I could use some help.” Or: 5 times Superboy saves Tim Drake, and one time Tim Drake saves Superboy.
#fic recs#fanfiction#dc comics#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#bruce wayne#kon el#timkon#i think it's interesting how many of these are dick grayson focused (as in primarily from his pov) - 6 out of 12! would not have expected i#given that i usually search for jason or tim-centric fics#but wow i've been so blown away by the dick stuff#(yes im a comedian what can i say)#i'm going to go hunting for more quality timkon bc this month's timkon has set a HIGH standard
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a stranger's advice
for @corrodedcoffinfest popup event 'Good Fortune'
using prompt 7: a single kind word can keep one warm for years + mouth + 48, 13, 46, 27, 31, 18
rated m | 1408 words | cw: implied sexual content kinda | tags: modern au, different first meeting, flirting, eventual famous corroded coffin, eventual rock star eddie munson, sound mixer steve harrington, strangers to lovers
🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️🎚️
Eddie’s giving up.
They’ve done all they can do.
Jeff’s dad is threatening to cut him off entirely if he doesn’t go to college and Gareth’s mom calls him crying twice a week, worried he’s gonna end up homeless or in rehab. Gareth’s never touched a drug or more than a single beer in his life and works harder than any of them, but he’s tired of telling her that. Frankie doesn’t have the same passion they have; He’s just there as the guy who answered an ad for a bassist.
No record label wants them, most larger venues don’t want to pay what it would cost for them to get there, and the smaller venues are getting less crowded as more people flock to arenas and stadiums to see big name bands. They aren’t as good as they thought they were and Eddie has to accept that.
He’s feeling sorry for himself in the hallway of this record company first, though.
The other guys already shook hands with everyone, patted Eddie on the shoulder, and left. He’s alone now, and he’ll be alone for the rest of his life.
“Waiting for a ride?” A man asks from in front of him.
Eddie looks up and sees someone he vaguely recognizes as the assistant who sat in on their unsuccessful meeting 18 whole minutes ago. He’s stunning in the way that someone way outside of Eddie’s league usually is, but damn if he doesn’t get stuck looking anyways.
The man raises a brow and crosses his arms.
“Uh, no. Sorry. I have one. Just needed a minute.”
The man nods and then uncrosses his arms, sighing.
“You want some advice?”
“Not sure if it’ll do me any good. My band’s done. I’m nothing without them,” Eddie lets himself sound as pitiful as he feels.
“A 13 track demo is too much. Most places aren’t listening to more than five songs at all, and that’s only if they’re impressed by the first two. You guys sound great, and clearly have passion, but it’s not heard by the people who need to hear it,” the man says despite Eddie’s warning.
Eddie is a bit distracted by the way his mouth forms words, like he’s trying to hide an accent. This is LA. A lot of transplants from the south and Midwest don’t like people to know.
“And you know this as the assistant?” Eddie asks and wishes he didn’t.
“I’m the sound mixer. The assistant is out and they asked me to fill in. But I’ve seen how this goes enough to see that you guys have everything right except the part you need,” he gives a small smile. “Cut down the tracks and you’ll be set. You’ve got an amazing voice. Don’t give up yet.”
The man walks away before Eddie can say thank you or ask any follow up questions like ‘do you want to come home with me?’ or ‘does your hair naturally swoop like that or is there product doing the job?’
Eddie decides to head out, waits nearly 31 minutes for an Uber, which is ridiculous when he’s staying in a hotel less than 10 minutes from the building. The guys are at the hotel bar when he arrives, sipping on sodas instead of mixed drinks like they deserve.
“Give me one more shot,” he begs.
They look at each other. They look back at him.
“One more,” Jeff agrees as they all nod.
~~~~~
“Can’t believe there’s 46,000 people here!” Eddie yells as he’s running off the stage.
There aren’t exactly 46,000 people watching them; That number is closer to 27,000. But there are 46,000 tickets sold for this particular event, which means that 46,000 people have seen Corroded Coffin’s name on a ticket stub or event guide. It’s more than he ever expected to know about them.
He’s so excited about the set they just played, he nearly runs right into a guy in nice jeans and a sweater. It’s too fucking hot for a sweater.
The guy grabs Eddie’s arms to steady both of them and Eddie looks up and his jaw drops.
“Holy shit, it’s you.”
“It’s me,” the man replies, smirking at Eddie’s surprise. “Had to see what our label missed out on in person.”
The other guys are rushing past him, probably to get to the green room for drinks and snacks. They never eat before a show, and when they’re done, they’re ravenous.
The man hasn’t let him go yet. He could. Eddie’s balance is fine, his initial adrenaline is crawling to a normal level, and he isn’t gonna suddenly run into anyone else.
“Your advice worked,” Eddie says.
The man nods, knowing smile on his face. “I’m glad you listened to me.”
“It wasn’t just your advice though,” Eddie admits. “I mean, it definitely helped! But you actually saw talent. We were feeling kinda down about how good we were and you made me realize that it’s probably not our talent that’s the problem. We’re good. We’ve been good. We just didn’t know how to show that to the right people.”
“There’s 48 bands here this weekend, you know?” The man asks, as if that’s a normal response to anything Eddie just said.
“Um, yeah. I know.”
“We represent 47 of them.”
Eddie’s brows practically leave his forehead. “But…”
“I insisted they get you guys on the lineup when I saw the options available. And I couldn’t pass up another opportunity to talk to you.”
Eddie feels like he might pass out, which could definitely be from dehydration or overheating, but could also be the very hot man in front of him kind of flirting with him?
“Sorry, I think I’m having a stroke. I don’t even remember your name. You’ve just been Hot Man in my head for four years,” Eddie manages to get out, feeling his cheeks heat up at the embarrassment of his outburst.
Hot Man laughs, throws his head back and everything, like this is the funniest thing he’s ever heard.
“Steve. I’m Steve,” he says when he’s calmed down.
“Steve.” Eddie likes the way his name sounds coming from his own lips. “I’m Eddie.”
“I know,” he laughs again, quieter, more fondness sneaking in.
“Well, Steve, would you like to join me for a drink in the green room? I hear the lead singer of Corroded Coffin requested only the finest PBR,” Eddie gestures towards the steps leading off the stage. “Or perhaps you’d enjoy a vodka soda.”
“I’d love to,” Steve giggles. Eddie feels like he’s won something. “But I am technically working for a few more hours.”
“Oh,” Eddie swallows around the disappointment. “Right. Okay.”
“But I’m staying at the Marriott down the road. If you wanted to meet for dinner later?”
“Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. For sure.” Eddie groans at his awkward excitement, but Steve is giggling again. Hearing a hot man giggle like this just does something to his brain.
“Great. Here’s my number. Text me so I have yours,” Steve hands over a business card and Eddie ignores his dick twitching in his too-tight pants. “See you tonight.”
Eddie’s mouth feels dry as he nods.
Steve is already gone when he finally thinks of something to say, so he groans and makes his way to the green room, where the guys are all spread out across the couches placed haphazardly around.
“Where’d you go?” Gareth asks him before he takes a sip of his water. He’s still a one and done drinker and Eddie loves him for it.
“Got a date,” Eddie shrugs like it’s no big deal.
“A date?!” Frankie asks, nearly spilling his beer.
“Don’t act so surprised, man. I date!”
“You haven’t ‘dated’ anyone since high school.”
“Haven’t felt like I needed to. I was busy getting us famous,” Eddie smirks, finds a beer in the fridge, and settles on a chair. “It might just be one date anyway. He’s probably a busy guy and I’m not sure I’m really his type.”
“Yeah, right. If he’s here, you’re his type,” Jeff laughs.
Everyone moves on quickly, which is a blessing for Eddie because he gets lost in thoughts about Steve pretty much immediately.
In the years they spent trying to make it, only one person ever gave him helpful advice. Only one person spoke of his talent and made him feel like they could still make it.
And now he had a date with him.
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#corroded coffin#corroded coffin fest#good fortune#modern au#different first meeting#rock star eddie munson#sound mixer steve harrington
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chat gonna rant abt smth my mum said DONT MIND THIS FRFR >:3
okay so basically we're leaving this resort to stay at a relatives for a while, you get me? so I gotta go pack my stuff up again and usually, im like.. so fucking shit when it comes to doing literally like, anything productive- 💀
very much so pisses off everybody the way I procasinate and take a billion breaks/get distracted by smth else lmao :3
and so today was like.. just as bad ig but mum wasn't really paying attention after yelling at me AGAIN lol (it's fine dw, im just a bad kid and was being irritating/pisstaking (she had a headache) by not shutting up again LMAO 😭😭)
but like, I did manage to finish my packing up so yay!!! win!! ^^ (it was fucking exhausting.)
sister didn't do jackshit though (and mum was tired because of us so she didnt rlly do much), so room still looked a fucking train wreck but my stuff was all done, u get me?
anyways, ENOUGH CONTEXT!!!! like 20 minutes ago, mum gets off her phone then up from the chair she's sitting on and goes to plug her phone in my charger BUT GUESS WHAT YALL?? HOMEGIRL PACKED THAT SHIT UP FRFR ✌️😙
and so in jokey way, she's like "damn really? of all the things you could've packed, the only thing you packed was the charger? typical *irl name*, always tryna ruin my day"
and shes saying this while shaking her head and trying to find the charger she nicked off my dad (while murming some random curses*)
*curses not in the sense of swearing but in the sense of GENUINLEY cursing somebody?? like wishing bad upon somebody ykwim? :D
and I go along with bit (ofcofc) and go "ACTUALLY, I'll have you know that I packed everything!!" and saying it slightly proudly because lol, again, that shit was exhaustingg :3
also I'm just really bad at everything so the fact that I did something somewhat uccessfully was literally GREAT??? 😭😭
and she kisses her teeth, shakes her head and says "yeah sure, I know you"
...
oh so, you "know" me huh?
what's my favourite colour?
my favourite drink?
my favourite subject?
why don't you name a few of my friends? or maybe a song I like? (oh wait, you can't because you don't even know I listen to music)
you know what? ik you can't answer any of those questions but guess what? ima do things that I know for sure I've told you, quick fire innit? you should be able to? I'm your child right.. you listen to what i tell you right? amma you care about what I have to say right???? right???
fuck
describe to me the hallucinations I had last year
nothing hard, i know I told you about them, I've tried to at least several times. I still remember the way you rolled your eyes and mouthed "crazy" while still looking at that fucking phone screen oh my god
amma can't I just be important to you? please? ik works important and ik you do a lot for us but please??? you said be a good girl and you won't kill yourself, and i tried okay??? im a bad child and I'm sorry and I'm sorry and I'm sorry please amma just dont leave me, don't stop being my mother
don't leave me with him
amma please
amma???? amma please
#karmaajr rambles#guys this turned angsty#probs gonna delete later#BUT MY GF DIDNT SEEM TO GIVE A SHIT#like *actually* care#it was js like “damn 💀” type shit ykwum#ITS MY FAULT THO DW#SHES GREAY#I JS DIDNT GO IN DETAIL#anyways#CUZ THIS IS SO CRINGE#I APOLOGISE YALLLLL#if u see this#then feel free to shit on me#i deserve it wtf 💀💀💀#mums great so idk why im so weird#karmas mum mentions :3
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"I thought about this before" - bsf!Rafe and kook!reader part one
a/n - here is part two
warnings: alcohol, weed, curse words, name calling
word count: 709
Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated ੈ✩‧₊˚
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚* **•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
I arrived at Tanny hill two hours into the party and saw that almost everyone was under the influence. I went inside to find Rafe and talk to him about his dad. Even though he didn't show it, I knew that he was grieving and missing him. Although Ward wasn't the best man, he was still his father and many people were gossiping and judging him for his mistakes.
After looking for a bit I noticed him in a small crowd, sitting on the couches on the terrace. Rafe looked like he was about to pass out and some girl next to him was smoking a joint and passing it around. "Rafe!" I yelled but he didn't hear me. I called for him one more time and left with no choice I went up to the group to drag him away.
"Come on Rafe, let's go." I tried to pull him by his arm. He was spread out on the couch with his head swinged back. By that time I realized that I will not be able to have a real conversation with him tonight.
"What do you want?" he asked irritated that I had the audacity to bother him.
"You look like shit. C'mon Rafe, you are going to bed" I nudged him.
"What do you mean? I'm having a party. Isn't it great Lisa?" he turned his half asleep face towards the girl with the joint.
"Hell yeah I'm having a blast. You should chill the fuck out, hoe" she looked at me like I was crazy. My blood boiled I was ready to jump this bitch if not for the fact that I was there to help Rafe. Not cause more problems.
"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that shit." I looked at Rafe thinking how I can get this man to get up. "Rafe I'm serious GET UP RIGHT NOW" This time my voice woke him and he immediately sat up straight.
"Alright, alright I'm up" he put his hands up in defense, trying not to close his eyes again. His right hand reached out to meet mine and he finally got up. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kind of hugged me, putting half his weight on me. We walked towards his room and when I opened the door I saw a couple making out on the bed.
"Guys are you serious?! Get the hell out!" I said and they quickly rushed out. I made sure Rafe was safely half sitting, half laying on the bed and then I started to take off his hoodie and sneakers.
"Jesus Christ y/n. Why you gotta be so fucking loud and nervous all the time? You gotta relax and I can help you with that. You know I have my ways." he winked at me and I thought to myself how is this man able to flirt when he's barely unconscious?
"Yeah I think that won't be necessary" I said giving him a new t-shirt for sleep.
"C'mon, since when did one hook up ruin a friendship? It'd be fun." he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me near him. I was sitting next to him on the bed. He pushed my bangs away from my face and gently touched my jaw. Just as he was about to put his lips on mine I said "Rafe, you're really drunk. You're not thinking straight."
"I thought about this before, y/n" he gently kissed me. It wasn't something I'd thought I would enjoy but I did. He caressed my face and started to deepen the kiss.
I pulled away before he could slide his tongue in. "This is a bad idea. Sorry Rafe I can't do this" I lied to myself. My body was telling me to continue but the last bits of my sense told me to go home. This time I listened.
#rafe cameron#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron imagine#rafe x reader#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#part one#obx season 3#obx#drew starkey#drew starkey imagine
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.....the intrusive thoughts won....
#vera's posts#off tickling#bye what the shit am i on rn#my dad's gonna fucking yell at me for this#i impulsively cut my own bangs HELP
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going 2 imagine that tide lambert my dad tide lambert is holding my hand thru these interviews and saying supportive shit like "you got this!!! 👍" yes i am mentally ill dont talk 2 me
#sometimes u gotta picture ur blorbos doing shit with u to actually like. do it#also mark wavelength winters is gonna be there too and hes gonna tell me not to fuck it up#and if the interviewer asks any illegal questions i should punch them square in the face#my divorced dads r accompanying me in spirit today 👍#whiskey yelling into the void
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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Against my better judgement I'm watching more of the 2016 ppg reboot and lemme tell you something. I HAAAAAAATE the way they write Utonium I HATE IT!!!
But sometimes there'll be a little moment here or there where he's kinda...cute > ^ <
#jane journals#self insert talk#🔬 starkissed scientist 🔬#ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE THERE'LL BE A VERY RARE W#like the one i just watched on recommendation from my partner where bubbles doesnt feel cute anymore cause she took a bad school photo#and woww they CAN write him being a good dad for once!! 🙄🙄🙄#not like good dad is a CORE PART OF HIS CHARACTER#but he reminds her that being cute is just ONE facet of what makes her a wonderful person#and then he brings her close and says 'between you and me you're the cutest one in the world!' UGGGHH#YOU CANT DO THAT YOU CANT TRICK ME LIKE THAT!!!!#and in the one i currently just finished he had a. job interview?? i guess he DOESNT get paid by the government#but the lady doing his interview said that they 'really love his work' and he BLUSHED ugghgh#fuck this show. ESPECIALLY FUCK IT FOR HAVING /SOME/ MOMENTS I ACTUALLY LIKE!!!!!#also it seems weird to me that bubbles would become so hung up on being cute#in the og its not like she's consciously being cute because its her THING she just IS#shes naturally innocent and good hearted ie CUTE#idfk#oh also buttercup pulls out a bucket list and the first thing is 'yell at a bird'#and ngl that made me blow air out of my nose ajfkf#ugh i could say a lot more but im not gonna
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Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south
#Cw gun mention I guess#I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers#And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses#And NO curtains or blinds because she's old#And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE”#In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot#And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard#But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold#Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us#Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid#It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn#But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid#And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot#Literally what the fuck is this.#“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US#Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like#I fuuuuucking hate it here
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the gay experience of slightly wanting to kill yourself in your grandparents bathroom
#i just can’t go out there and pretend like i’m loved with all of them anymore i cant#my dads gonna shut off my phone and my parents r gonna yell at me but i can’t anymore#ive never felt more lonely than i have around these fucking people#i wish i could go on a walk without all of them knowing that i left#man why did i leave my fucking shoes next to the door i should have brought them back here#vent
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#tw vent#ew yucky vent lmaoo#Love waking up in the morning to my dad#drunk#being accused of things making cry 5 times and hyperventilating when he hells at me for#crying#and saying should be grateful I have a dad#also love how he admitted to me he was shit#i defended him#he told me to stop and he could tell i was lying and that i hate him ( i dont) then later hes said the same thing#(didnt defend him that time) and he got super mad at me for not defending him and called me a bad daughter#he told me he could change if he wanted to but he doesn’t think there's anything to change#he's literally such a narcissistic it's insane#that day was wild#cried 6 times had a panic attack and relapsed after month crazy ass day#what do you mean you could've took me away to Albania without my mother and raised me like a Hitler but you didn’t because you're a good da#he was fine the next day though so idek i feel like i can't complain i feel like such a baby#he's like all you need to raise kids with is love i don't do anything for you guys (me and my brother) i don't know anything about you guys#but i loved you and look how you turned out! (my mother's doing love her shes the best) but also like saying u love me and then yelling at#me and mot caring about my life or putting in effort for me has given me a fucked up idea of what love is#and i also have no idea how to differentiate a good person and a bad person#so thats great lmaoo#i have hope though my mom is amazing a he's not that bad tbh he's gonna give me a really messed up view of trust ik cause i already have it#but it's okay lol I'll fix it all and it'll all be fine I'm still young and optimistic#forgot this also not to shit talk but why are you threatening your daughter if she breaks up you and your girlfriend?? when shes hasn't#done anything to indicate that she wants that in any way? why is it my job to save the relationship you messed up 💀#anyway bye lol peace :3
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mentally prepared myself to head over to my parents house tomorrow and sleep over there tomorrow night. assumed i'd be packing stuff up tomorrow morning to be ready. wasn't sure if someone was gonna bring me home the night of the 25th or if i was spending the night and then getting a ride home the 26th, but i could easily pack an extra couple pairs of underwear/socks and rewear an outfit so it'd be fine. but now my brother's gonna be picking me up on the 25th, so now i need to figure out how to ask if i should bring along a bag with meds/pajamas/toiletries/whatever. which sounds like it would just be a simple text asking that question, but its a question that involves my mother which means there will be a nightmarish amount of unnecessary drama if i don't phrase it Exactly Right
#last night she called while i was playing a game with my gf and i didn't notice my phone ringing#called her back once we were done and i noticed she'd left a voicemail#her voicemail was. extremely pissed. cuz i didn't answer her call. she accused me of telling everyone that she doesn't love me#i cannot stress enough that all i did was 1) not realize that she'd sent a question in the group chat about what plans were#(cuz it was immediately followed by an argument about who had a bunch of packages show up under my dad's prime account)#and 2) not answer a phone call (which i am infamous for being terrible about cuz i get too many spam calls)#apparently i sounded sad and hurt enough in my voicemail back to her that she called me this morning to apologize#so that's something#but still. if she's being weird enough about things that she's gonna yell at me and accuse me of saying rude shit#then i'm not exactly looking forward to asking her any fucking questions!
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Blue Bloods finale things/spoilers under the cut that I wanted to yell about:
• Jamko parents!!! Parents!! Oh how far they've come 😭
• I'm going to miss Eddie Janko so damn much, that's my girl.
•Jack and Erin getting married!! They finally got their happy ending. And the looks on their faces at dinner as they decided to keep it to themselves was just so 💜😭
• Danny's face when Henry tells him to find his person to come home to. He already knows.
• Danny Reagan! Asking Maria Baez! On a date! And her saying yes! He doesn't need to go look for his person because she's right there besides him. And the look on her face when she agreed!!
#blue bloods#jamko#jerin#daez#eddie janko#i'm going to miss so many of these characters so fucking much#crying over jamko on tumblr gone midnight I suddenly feel like i'm 18 again when I literally just turned 25 yday#I expected jamko parents and we knew that jack and erin were back together but getting 3/3 for my ships? blessed#jerin getting married again feels so right. their chemistry is unmatched#(the way jack looks at her. I get it.)#and then danny asking baez on a date took me out#the implication that he thought about what henry said for a few days and all his thinking led him back to maria because she's his girl.#and he just knew he had to take that leap.#(It's fine i'm going insane over here)#i am a bit miffed that we won't actually see anything beyond him asking her out and it was slightly open ended#but considering that we knew that danny didn't want to act on his feelings bc he didn't want to risk the pain of losing her/her getting hur#the fact that he asked her out was hugely significant#the fact that he specifically said it was because he had been thinking about what henry said to him is making me lose it#they obviously hang out outside work anyway but this is Different. you could tell by how almost nervous danny was 😭 but#she was right there with him. as she always is. they're partners in every sense.#and baez knows it too!!! the look on her face!! danny will tell her one day what it was that henry said and she'll Know.#god I am going to be thinking about them for the forseeable#3/3 on my ships and a good ending on a series finale is so rare for me#anyway i've been watching this show weekly since like 2014/15 and had watched it before that with my dad#so it's so strange that it's ending. it's one of the first shows that i've watched week in and out for donkeys years that is ending and it'#gonna be odd to not have that show in my watching list anymore#shut up g#(good god sorry about the tags I had to get that all out)#if anyone actually read any of that and still wants to come yell about these things please do :)
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being a thor fan is so tough cuase like
yes. he is a literal god. yes. he's my meow meow.
yes. i do like tlat and ragnarok. no. that is not how he would ever act.
and no. marvel will not give us new content,hold your comics close to your heart.
#i actually think that story wise tlat and ragnorak are magnificent however they nerfed my boy even more than he was nerfed previously#like no one took him seriously already becuase tony stark(my enemy and the people's favorite ig) makes fun of the fact that#HES LITERALLY A ALIEN OF COURSE HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND EARTH#FUCK U#fuck everyone who thinks thor i stupid im gonna go insane#thor i know you and i know how awesome you are#i know you are bisexual. insane. traumatized. and soley atracted to geniuses#i know you and i love you#he has never done anything wrong in his life#oh he's killed so many blah blah blah I LOVE HIM DAD#i am clutching the comics and my head cannons to my chest#FREE MY BLORBO FROM MARVEL PRISON#GIVE ME A FUCKING CAMEO CHEMSWORTH#NOT ACTUALLY YELLING AT HIM I KNOW HES GOT STUFF GOING ON#BUT I MISS MY MAN#thor the people's princess#he's weird he's loud he's jacked he's telling bruce banner sorta gay stuff#he's counting the days scince his girl dumped him.#he's so loser jock i love him#the people's princess#thor#thor odinson#thor ragnarok#marvel thor#my blorbo
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trying to figure out what happened to you as a child is so fun because whenever I mess up or do something slightly wrong here I immediately jump to "she's angry at me so I'm not going be given dinner tonight because I don't deserve it because I did something bad and wrong and bad" and it's like okay. so when did this happen to me. in my childhood.
#and its not like my mom remembers or my dads gonna fuckin admit to withholding food from me as a punishment#and if I ever Was sent to bed without dinner which I think I was maybe? idfk. it wasn't because I did something so earth shatteringly bad#it was always because they overreacted about everything about fucking Everythinggggg (which my sister has inherited)#the worst thing I'd do as a child was. idk talk back? well. actually I didnt do that a whole lot bc I knew if I did I'd get fuckin killed#I feel like there were definitely times I was mad or upset enough that I put myself to bed early and deliberately miss dinner and not eat#but where did *THAT* come from#anyway it's so fun living with someone who can't control their negative emotions and you just end up getting retraumatized every time#they're in a mood or whatever and are loud about it so Everyone knows they're mad or stressed and you just sit in your room#anticipating being yelled at or screamed at or punished for something inconsequential its so fun I'm living the dream <3#(also for those curious my adaption to everyone in my environment being overreactors is I habitually and chronically underreact)#(which isn't much better. because you're perceived as not caring and it's like oh no I do care I've just forced myself not to feel.)#(as a mechanism for surviving a shitty childhood. love and light)
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genuinely starting to hate the mom i work for
#she screamed at the kids over NOTHING last night right before she was leaving for a date night with the dad and sent the toddler into a#hyperventilating fit that made him nearly throw up from gagging so hard from crying#and she DIDNT EVEN FUCKING STAY TO COMFORT HIM#and she wonders why he runs to me first when he gets home from school 😐😐😐😐#and why he’s in a ‘no mommy’ phase 😐😐 like don’t be bitter with a toddler. self reflect. look at how you treat him. look at how you never#respect his boundaries and then you FREAK THE FUCK OUT when he won’t respect yours!#it shatters my heart so much because i WAS the hyperventilating cryer#and my parents would yell at me to stop crying and then get mad at me for throwing up from crying#like just TRY to have some fucking understanding to this new human!!!! he’s only experienced 3.5 years on his earth in total!!!#and a year and a half of that he was just a potato!!! he’s still so fresh and new to the world and you’re just teaching him#that you aren’t gonna be there to support him when he’s struggling!!!!
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