#and its not like my mom remembers or my dads gonna fuckin admit to withholding food from me as a punishment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cidnangarlond · 15 days ago

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trying to figure out what happened to you as a child is so fun because whenever I mess up or do something slightly wrong here I immediately jump to "she's angry at me so I'm not going be given dinner tonight because I don't deserve it because I did something bad and wrong and bad" and it's like okay. so when did this happen to me. in my childhood.

#and its not like my mom remembers or my dads gonna fuckin admit to withholding food from me as a punishment #and if I ever Was sent to bed without dinner which I think I was maybe? idfk. it wasn't because I did something so earth shatteringly bad #it was always because they overreacted about everything about fucking Everythinggggg (which my sister has inherited)#the worst thing I'd do as a child was. idk talk back? well. actually I didnt do that a whole lot bc I knew if I did I'd get fuckin killed #I feel like there were definitely times I was mad or upset enough that I put myself to bed early and deliberately miss dinner and not eat #but where did *THAT* come from #anyway it's so fun living with someone who can't control their negative emotions and you just end up getting retraumatized every time #they're in a mood or whatever and are loud about it so Everyone knows they're mad or stressed and you just sit in your room #anticipating being yelled at or screamed at or punished for something inconsequential its so fun I'm living the dream <3 #(also for those curious my adaption to everyone in my environment being overreactors is I habitually and chronically underreact)#(which isn't much better. because you're perceived as not caring and it's like oh no I do care I've just forced myself not to feel.)#(as a mechanism for surviving a shitty childhood. love and light)

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