#my dad talked to the police for me
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I took my car to a mechanic to fix the alignment on the 29th and they just told me today that it was stolen on the 31st. I am furious
#naff nuh huh#im shaking#im so angry#some low lives stole it#and its an old car#a honda CRV 97#and they broke into it and stole it#my dad talked to the police for me#and they say that the older cars are usually stripped for their parts#i just paid 600 to fix the engine in November#im going to scream#all we can do is wait for the police to investigate
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i just finished rumble fish and the hate is unwarranted you guys are WRONG
#talking about the book btw#why do you guys hate it so much😭#am i just missing things because i also wasnt confused?#sure things got a bit iffy near the ending with those 4th wall breaks and poor memory#but i understood it ????? ??? ?#i mean the confusion that rusty-james has himself is explained prwtty well idk#the ending made me really sad ohmygod witj the police lights and the#the the#the partly deaf thing#and then looking like the motorcycle boy#u guys dont understand#rusty james holds a special place in my heart#his dad saying 'you better hope not' or smth along those lines....#im sorry the ending hit so hard#does NOT deserve that much hate#dolirants#rumble fish
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You've heard of mansplaining, now get ready for: dadsplaining!
Example: you're filling out paperwork and your dad sits next to you and tells you the answers to questions like: what is your name and last name (he also helps you spell it), when is your birthday, when did you graduate high scool etc.
#this actually happened tk my sister a few years back#she lost her ID card and had to go to the police station early in the morning to aply for a new one#my dad woke me up in like 7 am to go with them in case they needed help with tech stuff (finding the necessary forms online)#he ended up figuring it out by himself and he was very proud#and then went to help out my sister with the paperwork and did what i described above#it reminded me of how captain holt in b99 always informed his husband of his full name when they talked on the phone#and when they were making reservations and holt told kevin how to spell his name#anyways afterwards my dad went to buy coffee and a tiropita as a thank you for the officer thay helped us and fought with my sister#bc she didn't want to bring them to the officer#before he bought the stuff he asked us if we wanted anything and i asked for an iced tea which he forgot :(#so not only was my presence useless i also didn't get anything out if it#but seeing my dad and sister fill out paperwork was pretty funny and i will forever cherish that memory#shitpost#text#crispy talks
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Welcome to the neighbourhood ❤
#after talking to the police and cleaning for an hour i'm finally sitting down and having a good cry#the sound scared the shit out of me#i'm also home alone until tomorrow afternoon because babe has a night + day shift. i am so not feeling safe.#my dad is coming over in an hour to put up a piece of board to cover the hole as a temporary solution#our rent agency already filed a case so hopefully it'll be fixed and taken care of soon#i am drained.. and so not looking forward to tonight..
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I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"
#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially#and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson#they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins#that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of#they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up#So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction#But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you#I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue#My grandparents are but my dad isn't#he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created#and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal#he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being#so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve#so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US#That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken#I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets#and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea#n e ways have a nice day y'all <3#I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit#so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know?#most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog#maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day#ex christian#religious trauma
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i do wish tv local news was more than "here's the horrifying violent crime that happened near you today. also look at these disgusting disgusting homeless people killing the city. and now for sports and the weather" and i sure wish my parents didn't consume this every single day
#my dad told me about these 13 year olds who stole a car and got a gun somehow and he was like#'and the police couldn't question them! until a lawyer was present! because they were minors!'#and i was like 'no one should ever talk to the police without a lawyer present???'#and then he went on about how they won't be in jail long because they're minors.#gee dad maybe putting children in jail for years is uh. bad?#not that local news is sole reason he thinks this way but. prolonged exposure does warp your brain#also between that and nextdoor my mom is so cooked
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So round two of family drama briefly happened again tonight and despite trying to sleep, I was still just this the whole time:
#all i got is that my mom prior to this did apologize for some stuff she said and aunty said sorry as well but wanted to be left alone for a#bit mom respected that but then tonight texted asking if she was okay that was it#but my aunt was like fine please leave me alone im busy so mom was like fine and added 'from (dads name)' as well#which got my aunt saying dads name said what? and mom saying simply leaving you alone?#and she straight up got pissy and calling mom deranged and shit#and dad finally texted from himself then telling her to fuck off and....yeah it escelated a lil from there#with my aunt threatening to call police for harassment which??? my parents were not doing and even police#would see that and also dub this a family dispute not in their area#but eventually dad just said hes done with them all and...yeah thats kinda it#like i said brief round two#but like bruh i guess i can say now im not talking to both sides of extended family#we fell out with my moms side completely after my granddads death with my step-nans death solidfying it#and now this shit i guess causing us to not talk to dads...though i dunno mom got a phone call attempt from unknown number#she didnt answer as unknown but we assuming could be another aunty from dads side so
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just got emotional thinking about what hjw might've had to go through in the year away from manyang, he was probably pestered by medias, having to deal with the trials and all the talks and whispers behind his back or even straight at his face. If i got the context right betraying his father was abig deal, yes many would praise him but many would shame him for being disrespectful and not filial. I'm sure hkh had big supporters in the force, corrupted people that wanted influence, power and wealth, they probably got mad at hjw for cutting short their connection and the future career advancement. All this might have reminded hjw how his life was before everything happened (my god something like "good things aren't bound to last") but after the time spent in manyang he changed, he got to experience love and closure, a found family and going back to his old habits might have felt so alienating now? he'd realize how cold and lonely that life was and struggling all the more due to it. I'm so glad he managed to fight his anxiety and fear and return to manyang + I'm fairly sure that once he saw that the people there still love him and welcomed him with open harms, he'd go back to stay. sorry if i wrote a lot but i wanted to share my feelings with someone who could understand and loves hjw too❤️
yeah, i was always incredibly fascinated by what might have happened in that year han joo won was away, and why i also just. think that han joo won probably really couldn't show his face not just because he probably felt a lot of shame, but also like. i dunno. my personal thought is that he was a fuckign mess for a little bit--like, the man you're in love with is also the man that you arrested, and the little community of people who cared about you can't possibly still love you now, not when you're the reason why their favorite person is going to go away . . .
and i feel like there definitely were a lot of people who probably looked askance at joo won to be like "how could you do that to your own father" or maybe other people who tried to swoop in and promote joo won for the sake of saving face, and i like to think that joo won was just like. blank-faced through it all. and just like, the thought of him running away from seoul and trying to go to a place where no one knows him is. yeah.
and also, i forget who might have said it, but there's also some speculation about whether joo won's the one turning down promotions or maybe joo won just never gets a promotion because maybe his name's also lowkey blacklisted since everything that happened with his dad. i like to think that it's joo won who keeps turning down promotions--maybe he's terrified that he'll ever really turn into his dad, because i don't think he ever will, but i do think that a small part of joo won will always still think about what greed and power can do to people, and he probably doesn't want even the littlest taste of that. (granted. han ki hwan was always a bad person, i think--you don't clamber up to the top with that kind of attitude unless there's already something broken inside of you, but i think. joo won would still. try to run from it.)
(especially since like. i think a lot about joo won hearing han ki hwan's conversation, what with han ki hwan being like "oh, joo won wants to think he's like me, but he's actually more like his mom", and seeing the fury but also the genuine pain on joo won's face because. yeah. as much as joo won scoffed at the mention of his dad even in the beginning, i think. it's the curse of certain children--the only child, the eldest child--to be like the father, especially when the mother is deemed weak or just out of the picture. little boys and little girls want to be the behemoth of a man that their father is; they want to be cold, logical, infallible. and i think as much as joo won hated talking about his dad, i look at how, esp. in the beginning of the show, he tried so hard to project that kind of attitude, with the whole "i don't need friends / i don't trust anyone / you have to be logical" when we so clearly see. how lonely he is and how he. still trembles a little bit when his dad yells at him and how he peers in through the windows of the shop like he's an alien. or maybe a very curious, kind of timid cat.)
so all that to say: yeah, i feel you anon. i love han joo won so much, and i love how beyond evil is just as much a story about joo won learning to fall into this beautiful (but slightly broken) community, and how i think. he must have healed along the way :'))
#answered#anon#beyond evil#i just!!! han joo won . . .. is so . .. . i love him so much#and i just. yeah.#something about how in the script book#han joo won had never seen his dad but when he graduates to the top of police university#his dad claps for him and joo won just thinks 'is that all it took.'#and joo won thinking that was funny but also in an awful way#i could write circles and circles around joo won's relationship with his dad#something about 'i hate you' 'i want to be like you' 'i will never forgive you' 'i talk to people the way you do now'#'you are the reason why i don't have a home' 'i still hated it when you pretended not to know me'#'i can't ever ask you for help' 'i am begging you to just tell me the truth let me help you' 'you are the devil himself'#'please. redeem yourself for ONCE' 'i hope you die i hope you die i hope you die' 'i will shoot you in my childhood house'#'i will still ask to be updated on the rest of your life' 'i hate you. i hate you'#'i don't love you but i also feel responsible for you somehow and is that the closest we'll get to familial love? is it?'#or whatever whatever whatever!!!#something about how han joo won's relationship with his dad. is probably the realest one to me out of all the kdrama family relationships#with objectively awful fathers#something about fathers who are awful and absent and greedy and yet#the child still. still desperately wants something even if they hate their father. like.#everyone hush i know this because han joo won rants to me when he's sad
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Mutual on Twitter was talking about Daigo instinctively feeling the need to put the pieces of Mine's ruined life back together and make him feel at ease... Is That Not The Appeal Of AraSawa As Well... like they might not know the depth of what their lives were like before in full but surely there are some details safe to share and there's very little that wouldn't sound bleak... but it's also a MineDai But To The Left sort of moment because Mine has always felt he deserves basic human decency, even if he has to earn it, but that's never been the case for Jo... [SORRY I'LL GET TO PENDING RESPONSES I'VE JUST BEEN LOST IN THE SAUCE for better or worse it feels wrong not to write in every day at this point 😭😭😭]
i remember telling my twitter mutual that arasawa was minedai but with dads and the way a light bulb seemed to go off for her was just perfect LMAO
but on the real arasawa IS a lot like minedai when it comes to some themes, and moreover they still maintain their individuality (aside from the dad aspect LMAO) in the parties involved, ESPECIALLY mine and jo
it's weird to explain, but daigo, in a sense, was an 'end goal' for mine. maybe not in THAT way, but just having his comradery was a sample of the thing he'd been striving for his whole life. ergo, mine joins the yakuza specifically due to interest in daigo, and decides to stay and commit himself to it because of daigo- and as you said, mine understands his worth and wants his efforts to be reciprocated. the problem is that he's not exactly sociable..
inversely, arakawa was, on the contrary, an accident for jo: sure, he swore up in order to be closer to his son. but now By The Fate Of The Cruel Universe jo's found himself becoming attached to arakawa too, whether he wholly admits it or not. A Cruel Fate not only in that jo undoubtedly doesn't believe he'd be deserving of something special with arakawa, but that he also shouldn't pursue something special with arakawa considering their positions in the clan (also masato would probably throw a fit and he can't be upsetting his baby boy </3)
BUT THIS IS THE SIMILARITY OF DAIGO AND ARAKAWA RIGHT so often comparing mine and jo, i never touch on how the other two relate... but of course with them, daigo and arakawa try to become closer to mine and jo (evidently we see daigo have a little more success on account of rgg refusing to let arakawa and jo be in a room together for more than five minutes). its unfortunate that we don't get to hear much of arakawa's thoughts on jo, but if it's anything like daigo and his concern over mine (i.e. worrying that mine is only concerned with money/only sees value in himself through his wealth, wanting to be closer to him and get rid of the 'stiffness' between them) i imagine he harbors similar sentiment (and being a Bonafide Father instead of a proverbial one like daigo, i wouldn't be surprised if he could be more anxious/concerned over jo, especially considering the- albeit small- age gap absent in minedai).
#long post#i made it long oopsie (╯▽╰ )#snap chats#[deranged] and thats why they're both flavors of yuri#didnt mean for this to turn into a thesis for. minedai/arasawa???? but it's here now so....#i ALWAYS think of the comparison between them this is now very evident.......#obviously there's a LOT more to be said about minedai/arasawa and even just mine himself BUT. we already done that LMAO#plus this long already good lord....#it's the way they're so similar but not at the same time that's perfect#so funny though i always see my twitter mutuals talk about mine and daigo being parents#and like. not to be fandom police but mine's child-hating ass just wouldn't have it#you know who DO have kid(s) together... and is relatively the same flavor........#gen so funny to me i talked bout this a while ago but ill say it again cause Sue Me#but although i never care too much if characters i like together have kids If They Do..... I Win A Million Dollars...#ergo if fam's really looking for that minedai-as-dads gold..... look to the left at arasawa please and thanks#OH ALSO YOU'RE GOOD ?? no need to write in every day it's ok :)#always appreciate when you do but !!! dont feel obligated please (╯▽╰ ) cant force things etc etc :]
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any hope i had left is pretty much gone
ill probably come back later i usually d o but im at the worst ive ever been and its hard to stay steady.
in the meantime my commissions are on pause
#going somewhere is not an option and a welness check is terrifying and would make things worse bc last time police laughed at me and#the nurse laughed at me who came to talk to me and gaslit me really badly#so im not doing anyuthing and i cant leave nad i just am truying not to fall apart#my dad is still bringing my sis over who has had tummy issues so it set things off today then it got worse and worse and worse with my dads#abuse toward me with howi am and how i feel about things#i am completely empty and theres nothing i can do#shutupcici -
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i have a headache and can NOT think clearly enough to really gather my thoughts but as much as i really did like atsv there were just. things about it that didnt work for me. and like mostly i was not big on how they did the “canon events” stuff like im not AGAINST it just at points felt like sort of redoing the moment in itsv where after aaron dies the other spiderpeople are able to comfort and relate to miles because they’ve been through similar things and this is like... that but in a technical lore way and not hitting the same emotional beat?? like obvioulsy they’re taking it somewhere different and its about like defying the story that’s laid out for you and i LIKE that but. idk. and im like yeah obviously theres stuff thats part of the spiderman origin story we KNOW this we did it already in the last movie and it was a great scene. and also like theres no way everything they referenced is 100% true for every version of spiderman, even every single one that cameos in the movie?? idk. it just Frustrated me in a way that i truly cannot put my finger on
#anyway did my Actual Getting My Thoughts Sorted in the tags. so they got long.#atsv spoilers#im on my period and my head hurty and i feel like im thinking through a fog so. thats part of the problem#also im just like yeah man fixed events in the time stream or whatever its a very standard thing#idkkkk i literally feel like im close to a thought that i cant piece together#something something what makes spider people So Special that THEY have fixed destinies that others dont idkidk#was that what the web thing was?? being a spiderperson doesnt have to do with the multiverse tho like. idk if this makes sense#i promise im not being cinemasins about the lore here#its just like. i wanna figure out what it was that didnt work for me so i gotta talk it all out#and like i realize its meta commentary on comics and retellings and stuff too and. idk#something about 'its a fixed moment in a spider persons life that a police captain has to die while saving a child' feels kind of Dumb#to watch as like a Serious Moment?? idk#like obviously its TRUE to some extent bc. they are all retellings of the same story and thats the POINT#and i get that.#but also youre CREATING some of these stories for the movie#like idk a TON about hobie in the comics altho i'd like to read more im just kind of vaguely familiar#but what i can gather he has NO cop related backstory so like. now theyve given him one :|#and i dont love that!#and its like. yeah they want something that can connect to miles' dad. and hes a cop and this is something that is. Generally Speaking.#a connection in many spiderman retellings. but. again and i dont know this for a fact#does that happen in the comics to any spiderman other than different versions of peter parker?#like saying its a Key Thing when its. largely invented for the movie. maybe?#i like the storyline for miles and im like i wish it had been arrived at in some slightly different way? idk#had a great conversation about it w my brother in the car after the movie bc we both were kind of like 'oh' abt the whole movie#like it was GREAT but had been hyped up SO much and we were like. well this doesn't surpass or elevate the first#he thought miles' parents writing didnt feel consistent w the first which. i should do a rewatch of itsv tbh#and was commenting on how much gwen sucked and fucked miles over and im like yeah man i loved that#dont be cinemasins and say its a plothole bc she made bad choices#shes a scared teenager who bought into miguel's scheme and is making decisions a scared teenager would#we both agreed the soundtrack does NOT compare to itsv
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so i lost my keys today for the first time in my life and im totally fucked.
#i spent HOURS looking#but i know i have to have lost them on this 0.8 mile long strip#cause i had them when i locked my car#and didnt have them when i arrived at my office door#and even though it was fucking 5 degrees out i retraced my steps twice#and asked every receptionist at all 10 buildings i passed by#and even went to multiple desks in some buildings#and no fucking luck. i even talked to the POLICE i was that desperate#they have my building key apartment key mail key and car keys#plus keys to my dads place and my best friends place#and a key to my work building and a keycard to my office and a keycard for my jiu jitsu studio#and a keychain i like is on it.#i lost ALL of that#my friend was able to drive me home and give me their copies of keys to my place#so i was able to get home but im fucking upset#and the cost to replace the car keys is going to be like $200. im really upset#if im lucky someone will have turned them in somewhere... the keycard has the name of the building i work in on it#so maybe itll make its way there#i legit downloaded REDDIT and YIK YAK to make posts about it. thats how desperate i am#tree talks
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if you have trouble w me, an afab transmasc saying dyke in tumblr tags btw please get over yourself
#speakeasy#like i do not care for policing what queer terms other queer people can say#i know i got an anon abt this ages ago#but i can call my trans stud and genderfluid ocs a bunch of weird crazy dykes u know#and i know that person prob follows me and other people from my logged on ass policing phase#where i was saying shit like.... bisexuals cant say butch!!! or lesbians cant say fag!!!#guess what nobody cares#go into a real queer space and youll realize older gay people call each other different words all the time#drag queens call each other butch#it doesnt matter#that being said i hate the resurgence of the word fruity though like in an effort to talk about gay people more gen zers just...#brought back a clocking term from the fuckin 80s#calling people fruitcakes on tiktok comments like LMAOOO#YOU SOUND LIKE A 90S HOMOPHOBIC DAD#just say fag
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ugh its starting to get a lot worse again
#i feel like im constantly policing my own thoughts#i try to figure out what all my thoughts mean#what is the root cause and everything#i think that’s why im so attracted to determinism and naturalism#i guess it’s comforting to think that it was always going to end up this way#doesnt make it feel much better though#i think i need to start being more honest with myself#and honest with others#i lie so often it’s basically instinctual#but i also equally feel like there is no one i can truly be honest with#ive always had a small problem with intrusive thoughts#it was particularly bad in y8 when i had this recurring vision of someone gouging my eyes out omori style#and then i would get stabbed and id bleeed over a white carpet and no one would ever find me#but it went away eventually#i guess they have come back now#it just feels really awful and i wish it would stop because i always feel really bad after it#but when the thoughts arent really awful towards others it’s always endless self criticism#i check my weight every day i pull my shirt tight every day i feel my adam apple in my throat all the time#i look at my face and the imperfections change every day#im worried that i look so awful and it’s impacting my relationships with everyone around me but im equally worried that i have bdd or smth#and then i try to sleep and it takes hours because i just feel so awful and ugly and alone#ive gotten serious insomnia i stay up until 2 am every single night doing nothing but thinking and thinking and thinking#and then all of a sudden that awful stupid feeling from when i was 10 comes back and im just sad and wanna cry all the time and i don’t kno#why im like this there’s nothing to cause this i have friends now i have goals now why do i feel so fucking awful#my brother is getting sad a lot now and im worried its genetic#im really worried my dad has some serious mental issues its kind of scary#he genuinely doesnt empathise ever he genuinely doesnt acknowledge others emotions he doesn’t recognise tone and he doesn’t keep secrets#fucking hell he outed my sister to me he talks about really personal shit on a whim and he never changes his behaviour ever ever ever#he had to go on a 2 week no phone retreat to come back with any fucking sympathy but that all went away because of course it did#his dad went crazy too and i have hardly met any of my dads brothers it has to be genetic
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I still can't believe how the events of my father's death unfolded tbh. Like in a comical way. When he called the evening before and we FINALLY compromised on a time for me to take him to my work (hospital) in the morning he was still soooo hesitant (he had been varying degrees of sick for a couple years now) and said smthn like "Ugh I don't want to" I said Well I don't want my dad to die!!!! and he replied Well, I don't want to die either, shug. (He always called me n my sister shug bc his mom was from Mississippi) and then we said our "love you"s and "see you tomorrow"s so then I wake up get ready for work and drive over there. And find his corpse on the bathroom floor. Calling 911 and the operator (or w/e their title is) says "try doing CPR" like I'm BLS certified but Not Like That. The EMTs come and pronounce him dead n stuff. But motherfucker you said you didn't want to die!!! Asshole. And I finally got him to agree to let me take him to the hospital. God what an asshole.
#tw death#and ill be angry at him forever ^-^#i got asked four separate times by police if i wanted to speak to a chaplain. no thanks! im not like that#and i think i handled the situation pretty well. i was pretty much just pacing behind my car#and my mom finally drives over after 911 arrives and she asks 'is he dead' 'yep' 'like are we sure' 'yuuup'#AND NEITHER OF US HAVE HIS SISTERS PHONE NUMBER#my mom called her mom and i call my sister. she didnt answer. i keep calling. shes not answering.#i know shes sleeping. i want to let her sleep. my mom and grandmother want me to tell her though.#so i break into her apt and wake her up. 'hey. dad's dead'#like i know i pulled the short end of the stick being the one to find his body n everything#but i def couldve aproached the situation to my sister w more tact. i feel kinda bad about it.#like 'hey wake up. lets get some coffee. we need to talk about something'
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OH! so jim is gonna be a fucking problem! okay!
#stupid fucking ass ''uncle'' that im not even related to thinks he can police the way i talk about my brother MAN FUCK YOU#well guess fucking what jimothy? that fucking boy is my pride and joy and the fact that my humor offends your delicate sensibilities#says NOTHING about me and EVERYTHING about you.#oh waaaah waaaah you mentor kids with special needs. yeah i bet that makes the guilt of being a fucking bully your whole life pretty heavy.#but projecting your little bitchass guilt complex onto me does nothing but make me not want to talk to you!#you know nothing about my brother and even less about me! you know NOTHING about our relationship.#im practically that boys fucking mom! hes even said so himself!#so go off on me all you fucking want. just because you cant stand to see a little teasing doesnt mean that im a wicked fucking witch!#i know DAMN WELL you said worse to my dad when yall were going up SO KEEP YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT JIM. fuck!#shut up frank
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