#my dad is actively miserable here

[introspectivememories]

this is just based off my observation btw

[dhmis-autism]

see i think im the ultimate duck understander bc i believe:

• the other two of the trio mean the world to him, he loves them

• he WOULD actively and maliciously sabotage any way for them to permanently get out of the house

• he does not care about the other twos mental health whatsoever, not near as much as he cares about their physical health & direct proximity to him

ALL AT ONCE!!

[bamgyw]

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ the second night ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

the spiritualization of sensuality is called love: it is a great triumph over christianity. - friedrich nietzsche

warnings: +18 getting hornier. pillow,, humping,, heh. a tiny bit of voyeurism as well? fingering. and a lot of male yearning we love that, we love a desperate man. a/n: team we made it to the smut. the hand kissing bit is kind of victorian. jane austen, even. but. i don't care. i’m not 100% happy with the outcome so it might get a little edited in the (distant) future, but nothing fundamental. this is a part of a longer work ♡ go to the beginning here

"i am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness, will find banks full of roses under my cypresses."

beomgyu stumbled upon that quote within the pages of a stolen copy of a book by nietzsche. he had always found himself more drawn to the destructive lunacies of clinically depressed germans than to the saving grace of the holy scriptures. there was no self-pitying in the bible, no self-indulgent sorrow to hold on to.

he had found that book, thus spoke zarathustra, in soobin's room, tossed in the trash. it looked almost new, so he took it out of curiosity.

"why are you throwing this away?" beomgyu asked.

soobin shrugged. "it's a good read if you're a happy person," he said. "but if you're miserable, it'll rot your brain. more spiritual talk and petty self-help in there than in the bible."

but beomgyu quietly took the book without soobin noticing, and he carried it in his back pocket ever since.

he had no intention of reading it from cover to cover, but sometimes he would flip absentmindedly through the pages, fixating on some passages. and that one specifically had reminded him of you. his new meaning. the rose he found in the darkness.

during the day, beomgyu usually roamed aimlessly around the town, drifting along with the rhythms of his headphones. that was pretty much the sum of his daily human activity since he quit college.

it was all he knew how to do, and often felt like all he was good for.

as he walked through the town, the familiar sounds of honking cars, distant sirens, and murmuring conversations mixed with the music in his headphones. the air was thick with the scent of seawater and the faint, sour smell of industry. it was a crummy town, sordid. each step felt heavy, purposeless, leading him nowhere.

he had a few favorite spots he liked to hang around - the port where the boats came in, or the grimy industrial estate where the addicts gathered. they all knew his dad pretty well. and maybe if they knew beomgyu was the son of the man who supplied them with their shit, they'd treat him better. but that's a secret he kept to himself.

instead, he joined in on their petty fights, easily swayed by whatever side fit his mood that day. he was better at fighting than them, but the victory was hollow. he was younger, his body was not rotten –not completely– and he had full motor control over his limbs. but he got pleasure from winning, anyway. he liked to exert some control over someone else for once. 

still, that day he didn't walk to any of his usual spots. he had been feeling a sorrow less violent, an ominous need for silence. his feet, barely in conversation with his brain, dragged him to the town's small church.

he had never really stopped at the church before, just passed by without giving it much thought. but now, standing there, he realized it was probably the most beautiful building in town.

every other construction felt fake, in plastic and plasterboard, but the wooden church had been crafted by the artisan hands of a carpenter and build up by a community. it seemed to be lovingly nursed, too. though the church meant little to him, it was obviously fundamental to others.

when lost and adrift, beomgyu would wander, getting into fights and ruining himself. but under similarly pitiable conditions, others came to the chapel like it was a second home, sometimes safer than their own. beomgyu wished he had something like that, too.

the building was small, but cute. surrounded by a little forest of old camellia trees, its walls painted a crisp white. it was an old building, but it was thoroughly taken care of. the air was different, cleaner, carrying the earthy scent of the camelliae and the faint fragrance of blooming flowers.

beomgyu liked how the wooden cross crowned the roof, marking the building, never allowing anyone to go astray. it must feel good, he thought, to have some guidance like that when you don't know where to go. a flower in the desert, a light in the darkness.

he knew he was being stupid and overemotional. he had never believed in all this religious stuff, and he never would. his relationship with god, if there even was one, was mostly based in resentment. if god was real, he could've treated him better.

and still, he didn't dare to enter the chapel out of some reverential respect he didn't even know he was capable of. so he just stood there, staring at the chapel, feeling small.

he took a deep breath. his cheek still burned where you had kissed him the night before. he really was going out of his mind.

"i want her so bad. and i think she might want me too." he prayed. to the church, to its wood, to the camellia trees, to the sky –he didn't know, he didn't care. "please let me be with her. please don't hurt her because of it, or shame her, or kick her out or whatever it is you do with sinners. i promise it’s not a bad thing. it’s so much purer than you think." he said.

no one answered, of course. there was just silence. some ruffling of the leaves because of the breeze, maybe the trebling chirp of a bird, but no answer. he felt like an idiot.

praying sucked, he ratified. how could you even make sure you were being listened to? it was emotional manipulation, playing with one's hope. feeling down and disappointed, he left.

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

entering soobin’s house again would have felt like torture, were it not for the certainty that you lived there, too.

soobin never really left the house. he only went out to go to class in the mornings, and he still chose to skip as many as he could. not because he wasn't a good student, he was disturbingly accomplished. he just disliked the people.

every day, soobin locked himself in his room and studied relentlessly. he was determined to make something of himself and leave his stepfather’s house behind. he had a plan. beomgyu didn’t know the details of this plan—soobin never shared it, fearing it might be jinxed if spoken aloud—but it was clear that soobin believed hard work could get him out of that miserable house.

beomgyu thought that rhetoric too optimistic, alienated from reality. but still, he had some admiration for him. unlike beomgyu, who wallowed in his own misery instead of changing his situation, soobin searched for solutions.

beomgyu sometimes found him too sickly and rancorous, but he still looked up to him for his willpower. not that he would ever admit that to soobin.

so when beomgyu got to the house, certain that soobin would be there, he gave him a call. it was a code they had. soobin leaned out of his bedroom window, and threw down the keys for beomgyu to catch so that he could make his way in. 

as beomgyu climbed the creaky wooden stairs, he realised that the usual thrill and allure of sneaking around that house he had felt at night was dimmed in the daylight. he hated the smell of that place, too. the air inside was stuffy, filled with the faint scent of old wood and something slightly medicinal.

as he reached the top floor on his way to soobin’s room, he passed by a closed door. pristine surface, painted white. he knew immediately. a pink mother-of-pearl crucifix hung on the wood.

he stood in front of it, his heart quickening. inside that room lived his little bird, trapped in an evil cage. his angel, his obsession. he gladly would’ve shattered the door with his own hands. let his knuckles bleed, let the splintered wood stab into his fingers. he just wanted to take you away and set you free.

at first he maintained a cautionary distance. he feared that if he got any closer, he would actually do it. but then he saw the little plaque under the cross, in sterling silver, shining when the light hit it. he approached to read what it said.

"the lord is faithful. he will establish you and guard you against the evil one." it said.

beomgyu scoffed, a bitter smile curling his lips. like some metal plaque could protect her, he thought. he's the only dangerous thing in her life. that superstitious fool.

he found it bitterly amusing, to the point of feeding his ego. some cultures hang garlic on the doors to keep away the vampires and the witches. your daddy had hanged a nacre cross to keep choi beomgyu away from you.

he let his hand reach for the crucifix. he traced his fingers over it, middle and index. all the doors had a crucifix of their own, but yours was the only one that wasn't a choppy piece of wood, crude and utilitarian. his thoughts wandered as his fingers brushed over the cool, smooth surface. he must be aware of how pretty she is, beomgyu thought.

as he did, a noise startled him. he jolted away from the door, retreating as far as he could. only when he saw it was just soobin coming out of his room did he catch his breath.

“you were taking too long,” soobin said, his expression gloomy. “i didn’t like it.”

“you care for me that much?” beomgyu asked, a bitter grin spreading across his face as he walked up to him, hands in his pockets.

"well, i let you into my house, didn't i?" he asked, accusative.

"you did." beomgyu replied. “it's not versailles, but it’s cute. lots of quirky decorations.” he shrugged, poking at the crucifix that hanged on soobin’s door, tilting it slightly. "it's like a theme park."

"eveything’s a joke to you." soobin replied. he seemed distrusting, his chest filled with something he probably shouldn't say. but he did, anyway. “you need to forget about her."

“what are you talking about?” beomgyu raised his tone, a flicker of panic crossing his eyes, quickly masked by anger.

“i know you. you’re going to let your impulsiveness ruin everything for all of us. it won’t end well.” soobin said. “she's not like one of those girls you used to pick up at private schools. if you want to manipulate your way into someone's pants, choose someone else.”

beomgyu’s anger flared. how dared he imply those were his intentions? how dared he assume he had any other purpose than caring for his angel and godsend grace?

he took a violent step towards soobin, who flinched slightly but held his ground. “you think i’m dorian gray or some shit?” beomgyu retorted. “you're just pressed because i'm not a pussy like you, restraining yourself to please that maniac. but whatever happens, it won’t be because i forced myself on anyone."

“she doesn’t know what she wants." soobin said. "she’s confused and love deprived.”

“and you’re a patronising asshole,” beomgyu snapped back. "who are you to say anything?"

“you’re playing with fire. if you wanna be a psychotic masochist, fine. but don’t drag others into your mess. get yourself hurt if you want, but leave us out of it.”

“us?" beomgyu asked with a wicked grin. "she's an adult. she can make her own choices. and if your stepdad wants to mess with her because of it, it´ll be over my fucking dead body."

“is this how you repay me for letting you stay in my house?” soobin asked, a mix of hurt and frustration in his eyes.

“thing is," beomgyu began with a cynical laugh. "this isn’t about you. you shouldn’t be this bothered,” he said. “and if you are, maybe you should check yourself and see if you’re acting like your stepfather.”

soobin’s knuckles turned white, but he took a deep breath and held it in. “just. don’t do it." he said through gritted teeth. "it’s not worth it.”

but beomgyu grinned wickedly. he had one last bombshell, one last thing to get soobin fuming. “i’ll let you know if it's worth it or not when i have your sister go dumb on my cock.” he said, feeling a twisted sense of satisfaction.

he shouldn't have said it.

instead of getting angry, as he had intended to accomplish, soobin smirked, too. it was unsettling. beomgyu got a ghostly feeling about it.  "what is it?" he spat out.

soobin inclined his head slightly towards the room with the mother-of-pearl cross—the room of his little bird. beomgyu turned just in time to catch a sliver of a prying eye, peeking through a barely open door. your eye widened when it met beomgyu’s gaze, then you vanished, the door slamming shut.

shit. beomgyu's heart raced, his breath hitching.

soobin smiled, a hint of triumph in his eyes. "consider her warned."

˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

late at night, thoughts of you consumed beomgyu’s mind. he knew he had fucked up. he knew that now you probably thought he was a creep and never wanted to see him again. his mind raced, replaying the words he wished he could take back.

he could’ve played his cards right. go slow, ease you into it. but he wasn't that sure now. the uncertainty gnawed at him, twisting his insides with each passing thought.

soobin's room felt even stuffier than the night before, the air heavy and oppressive. the walls seemed to close in on him, making it hard to breathe. the need to see you pressed down on his chest, but lingering doubt kept him glued to the mattress.

a lone fly buzzed around, its annoying droning echoing through the room and fraying his nerves. each pass it made seemed to grow louder, amplifying his sense of confinement, maddening him.

his mind wouldn't shut up about you. you had struck him as someone who knew how to watch your back. he recalled how cautious you had been around him the previous night, like a dog used to being beaten flinches at the sight of a stick. but your eyes had never left his. not for a second. they seemed innocent, but not naive.

he liked that, he thought. that you were like him, smartened up by your environment. but he liked the innocence too, so much. an untouched you, drowning in chasteness and self-restrain.

uncaressed belly, uncaressed thighs, uncaressed sweet pussy. he could make you feel so good. that was all he could offer, all he could give you. he had nothing else.

he knew he should let the thought go. that he should start wrapping his mind around forgetting about you. but it was late, and he was tired, and the only picture that lingered in his mind was a pearl choker and a rosary over a tender neck.

with soobin's steady breathing beside him, perhaps even asleep, beomgyu lay staring at the ceiling. images of you fluttered behind his closed eyelids, all imaginations of his lovesick mind. illicit, probably, but fated.

he thought of your pretty lips whispering praises meant for him, kissing his cheeks, his jaw, the curve of his neck. he wanted to know the taste of your mouth, the softness of your touch.

had you even been kissed yet? with a father as twisted as yours, it seemed unlikely. beomgyu wanted you to never have been kissed. he wanted to teach you how to do it himself. eat your mouth out, nibble at your lips and press them gently. but not hurt you. that was new. 

he would start slow, so that you’d want more of him. then he'd deepen the kiss, his grip on you tight, giving into whatever you asked for, never letting you go hungry. the tingling started, the blood pumping.

pause. he thought as soon as he became aware that he was getting hard. his rational mind tried to assert control, to rein in his desires. you loser, just by thinking of kissing. be cold-minded. a voice told him. actions have consequences. 

the voice sounded a little like him, but it was surely an imposter. if it wasn't impulsive and hot-blooded, then it wasn't choi beomgyu. 

"i just want to apologise." he lied to himself as he sat up all of the sudden.

he slipped out of bed, his bare feet padding softly against the cool floor. he moved slowly, mindful of the creaking floorboards that threatened to betray his movements.

but a subtle rustle, not caused by him, echoed in the quiet room. the soft shuffle of fabric against skin. soobin was awake, and he had wanted to let him know. but beomgyu couldn't begin to care.

as he closed the door behind him, trying to make as little noise as possible, a sudden thud reverberated through the silence. "shit!" he cursed under his breath. another door in that corridor slammed shut with a resounding roar.

someone left a window open. air currents cause noise, beomgyu mused as he made his way down the dimly lit corridor, his steps quickening with purpose. tomorrow night, he thought, he would make sure all windows were closed before going to bed.

as he travelled the shadowy corridor, he got a chill. he kept hearing the ruffling of fabric, a doorknob twisting, steps against the wooden floor. a shiver went down his spine, but he told himself to forget about. it was all in his head.

he refused to let the silent threat your daddy stop him from seeing you. that liar, that imposter, that self-proclaimed god keeping everyone hostage in his castle of authoritarianism and indoctrination.

when he got to your door, the mother-of-pearl crucifix halted him like a policeman. it seemed more commanding now than it had earlier. it was stupid, he thought, how the night enhanced every feeling. 

the cross regarded him and he regarded the cross. “i just want to apologise,” he told jesus christ. “i said something stupid earlier today, and i wanna make better.” he tried to convince him.

it was just a symbolic plea. a desperate attempt to absolve himself of guilt, to make him feel less lustful, less like a pig. to find redemption in the eyes of a higher power. 

he thought about what soobin had said, about god, about your father, about right and wrong. maybe he wasn't as smart as he thought. maybe he was loosing the game and they were all making him go insane for good.

he debated whether to just turn back after the thought came to him that you didn't even want him there, anyway. how could you want him at all, after just one meeting where all he received was rejection?

sure, he got a quick kiss in the end, but it didn't outweigh the pulling away, the uncertainty, the avoidance. what was he worth, really? nothing. not even worth enduring a scolding from your dad, let alone the weight of guilt. he was making a fool of himself. better leave now before anyone got hurt for nothing.

but as he turned to walk away, his heart heavy and ready to toss aside, he heard a noise from inside the room.

a whimper. it was so faint he was sure his febrile mind had made it up. that he was so schizophrenically in lust he had made you escape that sound in his brain. a whimper. a sweet soft whimper. 

he tried to make sense of it by convincing himself that he heard you crying. he even allowed his sense of self-importance to fuel thoughts of bursting into the room and offering you his shoulder to cry on. to cuddle you, to comfort you.

but when he heard it the second time, his breath caught. this time it was a moan, unless his yearning mind was deceiving him. he pressed his ear to the door. he clearly heard a trail of soft muffled moans. restrained, but just so lewd to his feverish self. his face burned, his cock twitched.

index and middle finger reached slowly for the doorknob. they brushed over it, hesitating. maybe it was locked. and maybe that was for the better. the hand wrapped around it, twisted it slightly. it was open.

holding his breath almost to asphyxiation and in the most silent motion he had ever performed, he peaked in. 

god existed, he found out. his mouth went dry. like a bird in the clouds, surrounded by snowy plush blankets, he saw his little dove making herself feel so good against her pillow.

facing away from him, your legs draped on each side of it. your hips swayed, heavy and slow, as you tried to suppress the soft whimpers your throat escaped.

beomgyu pressed his lips together, teeth sinking into his lower lip until almost drawing blood. the messy nightdress, one delicate strap slipping off your shoulder. how the the silken fabric fell over your ass, not letting him see but inviting him to find out.

he wanted to see your doll face twisting in pleasure so desperately. to have you take in his cock and use him to fuck yourself so sweetly like that. only one door was stopping him. the door with the pink mother-of-pearl crucifix.

as though hypnotised, he quietly entered the room.

but when the door closed behind him with a click, you whirled around, eyes wide and breath catching in your throat. he froze in panic, too, as he saw how frightened you seemed. what the fuck were you expecting, you disgusting perv? came in the voice in his head.

your instinct was to retreat like a scared spider, flitting towards the head of your bed. fluffy white pillows framed your trembling body, with only a glimpse of your leg peeking out. your cheeks flushed with embarrassment, almost to an unhealthy degree, as you tried to cover yourself.

beomgyu took a cautious step forward, his obsession with you feeling safe in his presence outweighing how turned on he was. "please," he whispered, desperation in his voice. "don't be embarrassed." he said. or be. you're so adorable, all flustered like this.

"i… i'm sorry," you stuttered, your words hesitant.

beomgyu raised his eyebrow, an endeared chuckle escaping his lips. "you're sorry?"

"i shouldn't have… i…" you struggled, avoiding his gaze and pressing your hands to your head in frustration. anxiously, you began to hit your head with the heels of your hands. "i'm so pathetic."

without hesitation, beomgyu rushed closer, wrapping his hands around your wrists in the world’s softest handcuffs. "not at all," he murmured softly, his voice soothing as he attempted to coax your frightened gaze to meet his own.

quietly, almost reverently, he knelt at the edge of the bed, perching himself over the mattress like a praying supplicant.

he was so fucking hard, his blood boiling inside his pulsating veins. scorchingly, painfully. his hands trembled a bit on your wrists as he struggled to contain himself, like the scorpion resisting the urge to sting the frog and drown them both.

“i loved seeing you like that.” he managed out, eyes fixated on yours. “i’m the pathetic one, i sneaked in here like some creep. i... i'm so sorry about what i said earlier today. i was mad at soobin, trying to get under his skin. but i'm kinder than that. i can be, for you. you shouldn’t be scared of me. please.” 

"i’m not." you said.

"good," he said. "i want you to trust me."

"i think... i think i do."

beomgyu took one of your hands, already entwined with his, and raised it to his lips, planting a delicate kiss on the back. you didn't pull away, though a slight flinch ran through you. his voice, soft and concerned, cut through the quiet, "is this alright?"

you met his gaze, his eyes looking up at you dilated and pleading like a puppy's. you nodded silently, allowing him to continue.

he pressed his lips against your skin a few more times, the wet sounds his mouth made filling the room. with a heavy breath, you took in every detail of his gentle kisses—the way his plump lips pressed and nibbled at your skin, how slow, almost ritualistically.

"what were you thinking about?" he asked, his voice a muffled purr against your skin.

"w-what?" you stammered, trying to buy time as your mind raced to come up with a lie less embarrassing than the truth.

"you were so pretty like that just now, all spread out like a good girl...” he murmured softly, "tell me what got you like that."

you stalled. with an achingly slow movement, you mirrored his action. you brought his hand to your mouth, and brushed your lips over it. barely touched, almost imperceptibly.

a shiver down his spine. a sting to his heart. he watched you in awed stillness, his watering mouth half-open. then you whispered, "you."

"fuck, i– i want to do so many things to you. if you'll let me." he said. a blush crept across your cheeks as you instinctively tried to shy away, but his fingers beneath your chin guided you back to meet his gaze. "what did i do to get you like that? was it because of what you heard me say?" he asked.

"because of everything." you replied.

he moved up from the floor with deliberate slowness, each motion purposeful as if he were approaching a skittish forest creature, determined not to scare it away. cautious, he inched closer, finally settling beside you on the bed. "tell me." he said. "i wanna hear."

"you're smarter than daddy," you began to say, your voice mumbled, as you gazed at him, his features so close you could count the flecks of gold in his eyes. "daddy thinks he's god's chosen one, but you keep outplaying him. so what does that make you?"

"a hellhound," he replied with a cynical smile, drawing even nearer.

"no," you said softly, shaking your head in disagreement. "you're good. and you're sweet to me." with tender care, you brushed his bangs, your fingertips delicately tracing the contours of his face like a child exploring a new toy. you lingered over his brows, his long lashes, the graceful curve of his cupid's bow, and the strong line of his jaw. "and you're… really pretty."

an impulse like a mighty wave of devotion pushed beomgyu to cup your face, his thumb tracing delicate lines over your skin as he asked, voice barely more than a whisper, "have you ever been kissed?"

"yes." you nodded. though there was a flicker of fear in your eye, like he would've been disappointed at that lack of purity. but if he did, he said nothing.

"show me how you do it." he urged, his words a gentle plea as he drew closer, his breath mingling with yours.

you leaned in painfully still, the weight of his gaze bearing down on you. but just before your lips met, you paused. hesitated. this changed everything. but beomgyu met your gaze unwaveringly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of regret or doubt. then, with a soft smile, he encouraged you forward.

you brushed your lips against his, ever so slightly. it was a trembling little touch. chaste. when you pulled away, beomgyu's eyes remained fixed on you, half closed and drunk in longing.

he gently pivoted the hand that had cupped your face, trailing its back along the curve of your cheekbone to finally rest it at the nape of your neck. "so pretty," he whispered. "why are you so scared?"

"i don't want to disappoint you," you mumbled softly.

beomgyu's response was immediate, a fervent shake of his head. "never," he insisted, his voice a husky plea, "you're doing so well. please, kiss me again."

with trembling fingers, you reached up to his neck, your heartbeat a wild rhythm in your chest. you nestled his upper lip within yours. a little more intensely this time, but still experimental, like you were gingerly trying to color within the lines.

beomgyu was gone. you were so soft and plush and just so scared to do anything wrong. he lingered, his thumb tracing the outline of your lips. "they're mine now," he said in a low growl.

he took over, giving you a deep wet kiss. unrestrained, heavy like a lion’s roar. as you moved your lips together, beomgyu demanded more and more, leaving you breathless. one of his hands rested on your thigh, tentatively stroking, fondling over the skin, as if to soothe you, to tell you everything was alright.

he tilted his head, seeking depth in your mouth. one of your hands traced up the length of his chest and reached his neck, which you squeezed tightly as you felt his mouth opening yours to let his tongue in. you tensed. he noticed. “do you like that?” he asked, breath heavy.

“i... yes."

and so he did it again. another painfully lusty kiss that left your lips soaked and swollen. you escaped a moan that he loved so desperately, making him bite on your lower lip, drawing another embarrassingly whiny whimper out of you. after a softer peck, he outlined the bitten skin with his tongue.

he devoured your lips again, eating out your mouth. he slipped his tongue back into your mouth to circle yours, playing with it; then he pulled back, as if urging you to follow him. he wanted you to try yourself.

his hand on your thigh moved to embrace your waist, fingers poking into your skin. you felt firm, secure. in the middle of the unbridled kiss, your tongue ended up in his mouth. so soft. my good little girl. he let out a grunt of satisfaction. happy with his reaction, your instinct got you to hold on to him tighter, trying to find a closeness that was impossible in that position.

he got frustrated at it, too, his groans turning into hummed pleading moans against your lips. for a painful second, he pulled away to say, "let me watch you fuck yourself, just like you were when i came in. please." he said. "would you be comfortable with that?" he asked. 

you nodded slightly, though you weren't even sure you were telling the truth. they were irreconcilable, avoiding embarrassment and giving in to the aching sensation in your pussy the moment he spoke those words.

he stretched his arm out toward the pillow, gently offering it to you, observing as you knelt on the bed and retook the position he had found you in. he helped you through it, caring for you with caresses and soft kisses, but he went back to seat at the edge of the mattress, gnawing lightly on his lip with anticipation. you didn't want that, you realised. you wanted him close.

you reached out your hand for him to grasp, "what is it, baby?" he asked, tending to you with gravity.

you guided him towards you, maneuvering him to recline half-seated against the bedhead. he caught on to your intentions and leaned in to give you a gentle peck before allowing his hands to settle on your hips, helping you in adjusting the pillow beneath you.

now on all fours, with him facing you, he noticed you wanted to say something, the words lingering on your lips. "is everything alright?" he asked, his hand tenderly caressing your arm.

you stammered a bit before shyly asking, “can you keep on kissing me?”

he smiled fondly. he would never in a million years be able say no to you. “of course, my angel.”

he drew nearer, his proximity warming you up. having him there like that, you didn't need to support yourself on your arms- instead, you found yourself instinctively clinging to his neck. with a mellow kiss and his hands firmly securing their hold on your hips, he led the start of the back and forward motion.

the first reactions the rubbing of your clit against the fabric drew out were subdued, mere soft moans and gentle breaths mingling with his the plush of beomgyu’s lips. but with his grasp pressing you down, those initial movements evolved into more intense and profound ones.

he let one of his hands abandon your hips to entwine his fingers in the strands of your hair. the louder your moans got, the tighter his grip on it. he was so hard, with no escape for it. but he liked the pain, the desperation. "you sound so beautiful, fuck–" he breathed out. "but i'm gonna feel so much better than that."

the promise echoed in your mind, getting you to let out a crying plead, "p-please, beomgyu..." you moaned out, as you fumbled with your hand to find his.

"you want me to help you out?" he asked, almost like it was a privilege.

"mhm," you whimpered with a sheepish, frantic nods.

"cute." he breathed out. his face was flushed and burning hot, his cock ached uncomfortably, but he spartanly focused on his little angel’s pleasure above anything else.

he wrapped his arms around your waist and took you to his lap, where he held you tight. "are you comfortable like this?" he asked, placing a a soft peck to your forehead.

"yes." you answered, embarrassingly. you were wet to the point of dampening your inners thighs, and you were mortified to have him see, to even stain him. but he'd notice soon enough.

he grunted as he kept on kissing down your face. your temples, the tip of your nose, the corner of your mouth, your ridiculously tasty lips. he held on to your waist for dear life with one of his arms, but allowed the other to travel down, slowly and deviantly towards your virgin pussy.

"you're soaked, my baby." he breathed out. you would've felt self-conscious at the exposure, but you saw in his eyes how bad he liked it. how starved and aroused he seemed when he began to caress your wet cunt with his slender fingers.

his cold touch startled you at first, making you hold on to his neck tighter. you were too sore, too sensitive. "don't be scared. i'm gonna take such good care of you," he said. "i promise."

tentatively, he stroked over the surrounding area of your aching centre, index and middle finger touching softly over your wetness. he performed circling motions in your clit, taking his time. getting to hear you. “b-beomgyu, you—god—you feel really good…”

he learned that when you liked something he did, you'd shower him in desperate soft pecks, like a puppy licks your hand after you pat its head. he wanted to see you react further, he wanted to try it all. he spread your pussy with both fingers and pressed forcefully against your throbbing clit with a third one. startled, you clutched his hair so firmly you feared you might have hurt him.

as by instinct, your thighs twitched from the overstimulation and seemed to want to close around his hand, but he didn't let them. he shushed into your lips with a soft "shhh," soothing as the seashore before leaning in for a honeyed kiss. he traced patterns against your cheek with his nose after pulling away. "its alright. you're doing so fucking well."

he let you catch your breath, but not for too long. he quickened his pace, your moans getting too loud, wept out and filthy enough to horrify all the saints in the house of god. it became a duel of you trying to suppress yourself and keep it quiet, and beomgyu trying to get everyone in the house to know how good he was for you.

to restrain the growing sound of your moaning, you buried your face into beomgyu’s neck, trying to muffle your voice against his body. but he huffed into your ear, "don't hold back. only you and me matter, no one else."

"i think i–" you whimpered into his ear, choking on your own puffs. the pleasure crept up on you, becoming too strong to bear and making your whole body shudder against his. "beomgyu, please..." you cried out.

he saw how close you were, and quickly thought if he should or should not stop it. tease you, edge you, have you go on all night. he could do so many things, he ached so much to do them all. but as he saw your pretty face so desperate to cum, how needy and palpitating, you were, he decided he had all the time in the world.

his movements quickened, each motion filled with urgency and strength. his veiny, strained forearm bore the weight of the world as he got you to your peak.

you came with a stifled cry but you muted your voice against his neck again. he wished he could've heard it in its full, piercing clarity, but he understood. you were so sheepish, his perfect little girl.

he didn't pull his hand away immediately, instead letting you feel his warmth for a little longer as you trembled against his chest. "my baby, you did so well," he whispered into your ear, his voice a soothing balm as he gently cradled your body.

now that the tension had drained from your limbs, you found yourself collapsing against him, your body limpy and worn out. it was then that you noticed the bulge in his pants. "beomgyu…" you murmured, your voice heavy. "teach me how to help you out."

"forget about me," he replied with a gentle smile. "i just wanted to get you to trust me tonight. to show you how good i can make you feel." 

you gazed at him, cherishing his handsome features. his cheeks were flushed, too, and his eyes so gentle. you couldn't help but cup his face in your hands, drawn to him. but as you leaned in to kiss him, he stopped you faintly, saying, "wait. don't kiss me. i want you to have something to look forward to, so you'll be excited to see me again tomorrow."

"you'll come back tomorrow?" you asked, your eyes lighting up with hope.

“i couldn’t stay away even if i wanted to,” he replied. but as he said it, he noticed a flicker of guilt crossing your face. gently, he brushed a strand of hair away from your reddened cheek. "how are you feeling?" he asked softly.

your gaze darkened slightly. "like i shouldn't have done it," you admitted. "like daddy saw everything."

"i'm… sorry," beomgyu said, his voice full of consternation.

"no, it's not your fault. those thoughts aren't real. i can make the guilt go away, in time," you reassured him. "but i like it when you hold me. that's real. i… like you. a lot, i think."

beomgyu didn't even know what to say. he struggled to understand how this could be wrong to any human religion or faith since the dawn of time, because to him this felt like heaven. he held you in his arms, all flushed and a little tired, your lips swollen like ripe cherries from the kisses he had given you. this was fucking nirvana for all he cared.

he deeply regretted his no-kissing rule, and he sought to end it immediately. he leaned in, but you stopped him.

"no," you chuckled, "don't kiss me. i want you to have something to look forward to so that you're excited to come back tomorrow."

he smiled back at you, like an absolute fool. maybe he was in love, even if it only had been a day, whatever. but how could he not be when he had the cutest being in existence all to himself? "give me a gift before i go, then," he said. "something i can carry with me.

"what do you want?" you asked.

"this," he said, pointing at your rosary beads. with a gesture that felt almost ceremonial, you took off the pendant and placed it around his neck. as you did, he couldn’t help but stare at your lips. "can’t i kiss you just a little?" he pouted.

you shook your head with a soft giggle. "your rules," you reminded him. "be stronger."

“fine. have it your way.”

he smiled, but it quickly vanished as you remembered him; “you should go. or soobin will know.”

he nodded, eyes filled with disappointment. the moment you lifted yourself off his lap, detached yourself off of him, an intense wave of pain surged through both of you. like a limb had been atrociously ripped off your body.

but just as he was about to leave, you grabbed his wrist, halting him. “beomgyu, wait,” you called out, rising to your knees to meet his gaze.

you pressed a gentle, lingering kiss on his cheek, just as you had done the night before. the softness of your touch sent a shiver down his spine. as you pulled back, beomgyu instinctively leaned forward, craving more. but you placed your index finger against his lips, stopping him. “you’re so weak,” you teased with a playful glint in your eyes.

he smiled ruefully. “i am,” he admitted with a sigh, the weight of reality settling back in. he really had to leave. “good night,” he murmured.

stepping out into the dark, the world felt colder, and his eyes struggled to adjust to the dimness. he lingered for a moment, leaning his back against the door, not wanting to leave just yet, but his head bumped against something.

of course.

he turned around to regard the crucifix, holding the one you had given him in his hands. same color, same material. a bittersweet smile played on his lips. “she was so good,” he told jesus christ. “and i think i made her happier, just a little. i feel a little happier too. i told you, it was much purer than you think.”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ next part

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ so. i really struggled through this one. lemme know what you think.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Low-effort headcanon that no one asked for.

But laughter is the best medicine and I need lots of laughter right now.

So here's the boys as comedic tropes.

Stand-Up Swashbucklers

OPLA! Sanji, Zoro, Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy

SFW

Stupid af, sorry in advance

Sanji

Corny Pick-Up Lines

"Just blinded by your beauty."

"Love, I hope you have a license for those eyes, because I've never encountered a deadlier weapon."

"I've been dabbling in interior design lately, and I think you'd make a fine addition to my bedroom."

"I haven't been a pirate for long, but I'm certain you have to be the greatest treasure in all the seas."

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by a few more times?"

Zoro

Dry One-Liners

"Don't like what you see, look away."

"Did you take lessons on being an asshole or is it a natural talent?"

"If I promise I'll miss you, will you leave me alone?"

"You should write a book. How To Be A Miserable Failure: For Dummies."

"Your ass must be jealous of how much shit comes out of your mouth."

Shanks

Bad Puns and Dad-Jokes

"I could take you...with one arm tied behind my back."

"What's wrong with me? Well, you could say I'm not all there."

*pointing at a keg of ale* "I'd tap that."

"I used to shave every day, but this beard, well, it sort of...grew on me."

"I'd offer you a hand, but I really haven't got one to spare."

Mihawk

The Lord of the Roasts

"Oh, come now Vice Admiral, I don't take orders—even from the likes of you."

"There truly isn't a single thought behind those eyes, is there?"

"Have you ever wondered how different your life would be, had you been born with even one single ounce of common sense?"

"I'd tell you to reconsider that statement, but that would require you to actually think, and I'm not sure you possess such a talent."

"Were idiocy contagious, you could singlehandedly bring about a global pandemic."

Buggy

Chop-Chop Slapstick

"Surprise, shithead!"

"That deserves a round of applause—" *drops both hands into a beer stein, actively clapping*

"Yeah, I'll lend you an ear, just give it back when you're done."

"I'm a little, shall we say, detached from reality."

"I'd give an arm and a leg to see that. In fact, here, take them."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AMITA for lying to everyone I know about my identity’s as a queer/neurodivergent person?

I (18M) am a bisexual, transgender man who is also autistic, ADHD, and OCD. When people hear this about me, even if they know me, I feel like they build up this image of me as an awkward, “cringy” 11 year old who’s obsessed with “cringy” fandoms. And while i have a qualm with this because I know they are looking down on people who are just less masked/higher support needs, I also dislike that they do this because it’s just not who I am. Without the labels, I mostly seem like just a normal dude, if not a bit nerdy.

I also used to be extremely bullied as a kid (7-12) to the point of a suicide attempt, mostly due to homophobic, transphobic, or ablest remarks about me. Since then I’ve completely changed community’s and do not talk to anyone i knew before high school.

When authority figures (Teachers, Show Directors, Investors of the teen programs I lead) apply ablest/transphobic stereotypes or prejudices to me, they also tend to be less,,, normal? around me. Less kind compared to other kids, call me an “inspiration”, or they’ll coddle me when I’m incredibly capable. I do a lot for someone my age- and I know the connections I make now at conferences and whatnot will help me in the long run. My dad’s family is poor, and my immediate family is more comfortable but not that much. I know I’m smart, and I can weaponize that to get a better life for my family by getting good scholarships and jobs in good fields. I can’t just let people who could be very important to my goals look down on me. So i just.. don’t tell them anything about me. They might assume Im odd or “not normal”, and for the most part I let them assume whatever, but if i’m ever asked directly about anything I deny it. Especially in relation to me being transgender; I have the very privileged ability to pass without any medical intervention, and I use that to pretend to be cisgender. Living in the deep south of USAmerica, most of who I am could make my social life very uncomfortable to downright miserable.

Here’s where the problem starts happening. when my social and (what i consider to be a) “professional” life occasionally touch, I wouldn’t be able to be out everywhere socially without someone I don’t want knowing finding out. So i don’t tell any of my classmates/friends/peers about any of my identities either. I hang out with queer and straight people, never be actively homophobic/ablest, and will be very vague about the two questions i’ve ever received about any of that stuff. It’s very, very exhausting to pretend all the time, every day, especially pretending that I’m cisgender because it’s a tricky game, but I can’t really back down and I’m afraid that I might get bullied again if I was ever open about it with classmates.

A few months ago, I was dating this guy, who i’ll call Kai (17M) Kai is also a transgender man, but does not pass at all and is comfortable with it. He’ll get shit sometimes, but also has essentially no straight friends. I told him I was queer when we became good friends, and then told him I was trans after we started dating. I also told him why I lie about being cishet or neurotypical, and while he didn’t seem happy he didn’t push it at first. I told him that I understood if he didn’t want to be in a secret relationship, but because of where we live and what I want to do I wasn’t comfortable with being out again. He said he still wanted to date me, and claimed he would support me, and we had a pretty good relationship overall.

A month after that, he started bringing it up again. He told me that I was more than my identity, and if people didn’t see me for who I am instead of stereotypes, it isn’t worth talking to them at all. And while I agree with the sentiment, it’d never be possible to just not hear someone if they were harassing me, and while I truely dislike a lot of the authority figures that I engage with, they are in the professional fields I’m interested in, and I’m incredibly lucky for getting where I am so early. Kai also said that since I am well known in our very small school (only 300 kids), being out could be a positive influence on what people think about autistic people or trans people. In a particularly heated fight, he even said I was doing a disservice or betrayal to my community by not representing or being proud of being apart of them publicly.

We broke up pretty soon after, but I think about what he said a lot. I know that I wouldn’t be the only out person at my school, and that my school is actually a lot better compared to most local schools, which are a lot larger and… dramatic, but I just don’t think I could be out without going back to how I used to be mentally. And Kai was right about how I could be a good influence on some of the meaner classmates- I do think some of my peers who I ingenuinely connect with might reconsider their prejudices if they knew I was transgender.

I’m intentionally choosing not to take the opportunity to do better. It wouldn’t ruin ALL my relationships with the authority figures I consider to be important holding, since it would just be my school, It might dampen one or two of them. Plus, I’m lying to pretty much everyone who knows me. They build relationships with a false idea of me, and I feel like an asshole sometimes because I’m not honest.

TLDR: I’m a transgender, autistic guy in a very bigoted community. Everybody thinks i’m cishet and neurotypical. AMITA for not being proud of who I am because of potential social losses, and AMITA for lying to people and giving friends/peers false ideas about who I am even if they would not be friends with me if they knew?

What are these acronyms?

[reikunrei]

feeling incredibly averse to posting this but i'm just gonna drop my kofi link here in case anyone wants to help me get out of my increasingly shitty situation living with my parents

more info below ig

after having given my parents nearly $100k over the last four years, i'd love to be able to actually leave. my future job situation is still up in the air (i've submitted for about a dozen positions and the only one i've heard back from and interviewed for hasn't gotten back to me yet), and i haven't been able to build up any savings because, again, i was (and still am) helping my family afford rent and bills, and probably the taxes my parents are behind on, but if i think about that, i'll get too angry. no joke, i've given my family, at the bare minimum, 85% of my income over the last 4 years. the rest of it has gone toward medical stuff and, now, my car

at this point, with the combo of my mom refusing to lower her standards and my dad's seeming refusal to hunt for a new full time job, i don't see how they won't continue to bleed me dry. my dad even has a bad habit of taking money out of my old savings account that he's a joint owner on or whatever from when i got it set up when i was 16, even when i stopped actively putting money in it, so now any time it gets its automated $1 transfer from my checking account, he'll just take that $1 without consulting me. i'm not exaggerating, even if it has $1-2 in it, it'll be gone within a week

i've even put off starting on testosterone because of this. i wanted to start it like 3 years ago, but kept putting it off because of money issues and wanting to save as much as possible. i got really close to actually starting it this year, but because of how messy everything is, i put it off again bc having one more thing on my plate, especially when my parents are already weird about me being trans, was not something i wanted to deal with

not to mention, we're still currently not living under a lease in our house that we're, as far as i'm aware, still tens of thousands of dollars behind in rent on (again, my dad refuses to disclose our financial position honestly with any of us) and it's developed many, many issues bc the landlord, even before we were behind on rent, is shit and refuses to actually fix anything. and my dad loves to just ignore things unless we beg him to do something

i'd love to be on my own (in the, much more affordable, midwest) by the end of summer. i by no means want to rely on donations and i have other avenues i'm working with to make money (i still have my current full time job, but i'm going through my old belongings and selling a lot online), but i'll take any help i can get atp because i'm truly at my wits end. i'd start doing art commissions again if i could, but doing that from 2020-2022, partially on top of my full time job, absolutely wrecked my right hand and i'm still in enough pain that i can't make it a regular activity

idk how much else there is to say. there's more i could say but... i don't really wanna air all my dirty laundry here. i'm miserable in so many ways and it's just become increasingly clear that my dad expects me to constantly cover his ass. my younger brother gives money too, but he manages to go on big cross-country and overseas trips with friends, so i think i've been stuck with the burden of giving the most money. there's so many more things going on in the world rn and everyone is stretched thin so i don't expect much, or anything, but. idk. might as well throw it out there, right?

i’ve also since taken down the gfm i set up last year when we got our first eviction notice bc, while we still need the money, i don’t feel right keeping it up for multiple reasons, including “i don’t want to give any of that money to my family” and it feels too… serious to keep it up when i could just throw out my kofi instead

i just want to make sure i have some sort of safety net to catch me if i move before anything job-wise is finalized. i need to be able to afford a place to live for at least a month so i can job-search while physically being in the area i wanna move to, which would ultimately make it easier for me to find a job at all. i'm working on being more firm with giving less money so i can actually have the means to move and be safe and comfortable, but... that never lasts long in this house

anyway. that's it, i guess. thanks for reading

[queenimmadolla]

If you are taking requests could I possibly for a fic where the reader and Eddie are teaching Penny to talk but the only words she manages to learn are the bad word the two of you say. Hope you have a great day. PS love your writing

You are such a sweetheart, I’m glad you like what I have to offer! This was such a cute request, I wanted to keep it mostly comedic but my fingers wanted substance. I hope you like it and I hope you have a great night ♡

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥

(Dad!Eddie Munson x Mom!Reader and their daughter, Penny)

warnings: so much fluff and love! a/n: more Eddie, Penny and you (plus baby Wayne) here :)

Eddie sometimes wonders whether or not the pint sized version of you, with his eyes, was his karma. 

He’d never thought much about being a dad, not until he knocked you up, anyways. He never really thought about what it took to raise an instinct driven newborn to a functioning human being, just figured he’d do his best to make sure he could do right by her. Eddie had expected parenting to come with challenges—especially given how young the two of you were—but it hadn’t been daunting, not when he had you as his partner. With you, he could handle any kid.

What he failed to keep in mind was that this kid was his kid; not even two years old and she already had a personality of her own, one that Eddie knew was gonna give him heart palpitations.

You found it endearing most of the time. While Penny was a very good and easy baby, she was also a little on the eccentric side. Always getting into things she shouldn’t be getting into, always trying to waddle off (a comical sight, she’d just become comfortable with sumo walking without you or Eddie guiding her but she was still incredibly clumsy so she fell onto her diaper covered butt more often than not) and whenever she was caught, she’d flash a much gummier version of Eddie’s grin, the few tiny teeth—she’d been miserable about when they were coming in—on display for the world to see.

What you didn’t find endearing was what she’d been shrieking happily while taking a bath.

You’d had Penny in her little tub, massaging baby shampoo into her curly scalp as her chunky little arms beat down on the soapy water. Eddie had been perched behind you, making silly faces at her to distract her from having her hair washed (she’d just recently started to dislike it) when she said it.

“Fuck!” She laughed out, nose doing the most adorable crinkle.

You stopped, fingers still tangled in her hair as your mind tried to process what had just come out of her mouth. Eddie tensed behind you, more so out of shock.

While you definitely weren’t used to your baby’s sailor mouth since she was still getting comfortable with words rather than just babbling nonsense—you’d, unfortunately, heard worse. She’d been gnawing on her teething ring while you pushed the shopping cart through the grocery store when you heard her mumble ‘puthy’. You tried to write it off as just baby talk even though you knew she’d heard what Eddie had told you as he left the trailer that morning, it had been very dirty and you were thankful that she didn’t understand the implications but you were gonna have to talk to Eddie about actually watching what the two of you would say now that you were aware she was actively listening. 

She’d said it again, this time directed at the cashier ringing you up and while you knew she didn’t have a single clue about what the word she was trying to say meant, it was clear he had because he’d laughed his ass off and you hurried out of there, rushing to your car with Penny in one arm, the grocery bag in the other and your dignity trailing somewhere behind you.

Eddie had found the story amusing but Penny hadn’t said it since, refusing to repeat it for daddy when you had asked her to because she simply didn’t care about the word anymore, not when her daddy was right there and could be blowing raspberries into her tummy instead. 

So, this was the first time Eddie had heard your 16 month old’s potty mouth.

Penny’s smile widened when she realized she’d stunned both of you, it was obvious to everyone she loved having mommy and daddy’s attention. So she just had to keep it.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Her cute little voice repeated, giggling as she splashed each time she said it.

“Oh, god.” You quickly rinsed her hair and pulled her out of the tub, handing her to Eddie who’d been waiting with the towel. His teeth were digging into his bottom lip but it did absolutely nothing to hide his smile.

“Eddie! Don’t laugh, she’s just gonna keep doing it to impress you.” You scolded, frowning as you watched him wrap her up. “Jesus, she can only say like six actual words and two of them are curse words, I’m blaming this on you.”

“Nuh-uh, she got this one from you, sweetheart. Someone heard mama when she stubbed her toe in the kitchen this morning, huh?” He cooed before pretending to bite Penny’s cheek as she shrieked in delight.

You both moved to the bedroom, Eddie handed Penny over to you once you’d gotten settled on the bed so he could pick out her pajamas.

She was just as enamored with you, pushing herself up onto her legs as she got a grip on your shoulder, effectively shedding the towel she’d been wrapped in in favor of hanging onto you, completely nakey.

Eddie threw a diaper at you, beaning your arm.

“Can’t believe she learned how to say that before ‘dada’,” You commented, sweeping Penny’s legs out from underneath her dramatically to push her to the mattress, wrestler style. For some reason, your baby liked to be thrown around and the two of you indulged her. She shrieked with laughter again as her back met the blankets, but before you continued your gentle rough housing, you quickly put the diaper on and got her all moisturized.

“I can. She is a Munson and it's a very Munson thing to do,” Eddie returned  and you let him slip her onesie on. Once Penny was dressed, she used her arms and feet to push herself up into a standing position, completely unstable on the soft footing of the mattress. She promptly fell back onto her butt and was exhausted enough to stay there, smiling up at the two of you.

You knew it bothered Eddie that she refused to say ‘dada’. Not counting her vulgar vocabulary, Penny could say ‘mama’, ‘hi’, ‘buh-bye’, ‘no’, ‘mom’ (only ever whined out whenever you tried to put her to bed), ‘wan’ (want), ‘uh-huh’, ‘pen’ (herself) and ‘g’pa’ (grandpa, she was referring to Wayne). She could refer to you twice, but for some reason, she just wouldn’t say ‘dada’ or ‘papa’, no matter how hard he tried to get her to repeat it.

You’d been practicing with her, though. You hadn’t had any sort of breakthrough (she’d hear you say ‘papa’ and would ask ‘G’pa?’) but you knew very well Penny was aware Eddie was her dad.

You pulled her into your arms, standing her up on her chubby legs again as you pointed to Eddie, “Is that Daddy?”

Penny followed your finger, smile widening as she just made eye contact with Eddie, who offered her a soft smile when she nodded her head. 

See? She knew, she just couldn’t say it. 

The next couple of days, you’d taken to teaching Penny more words, hoping she’d forget the naughty ones. 

Penny was sitting in front of you, her toys littered the ground as Eddie picked them up. She’d been ignoring them in favor of the baby book you were showing her. 

“Look, apple.” You tapped the picture of the bright red apple on the page. “Ah-pull.”

“Ahbuh.” 

“Okay, close, we’re getting there,” you said even though she didn’t understand the sentence, flipping to the next page. “Banana. Can you say banana?”

“Nana.”

“I’ll take it.” You flipped the page again. “Grape.”

She didn’t say anything, just stared at the picture looking unimpressed and you could tell you’d lose her attention if you stuck around the word. 

“No grape, got’cha.”

Eddie laughed, placing her little toy box down as he joined you two on the floor, sitting right behind you. You leaned back into him and he pressed a kiss to the side of your forehead before you continued.

“Kiwi.”

“Fuck!”

You both groaned and you reached a hand up to rub at your eyelids while Eddie took over. 

“No, baby. Kee-wee.”

“Fuck.” Penny said it again, this time with hesitance, looking unsure of herself. It was clear to Eddie she was beginning to realize what she was saying wasn’t  necessarily gaining the positive attention she wanted, given the reaction she received but she was still trying. It’s not like she knew it was bad, you’d told her as much since the first occurrence (more so just to tell her since she still couldn’t understand what ‘bad’ was) but his little baby was used to people fawning over her when she learned a new word, not being upset about it. You’d been at it for days, though and Eddie couldn’t blame you. He knew how bad you felt about having slipped up around her in the first place. You didn’t blame Penny. You blamed yourself.

“Kee-wee,” Eddie repeated, a finger stroking over the soft skin of her face. “You can say it, baby. Kee-wee.”

You relaxed fully into Eddie as you watched her, and your heart could barely take it. Your baby was staring at Eddie, the big brown eyes she shared with him narrowed as she stared at his mouth.

“Kee…”

“That’s it. You almost got it, baby. Kee-wee.” 

“Kee..wee…”

Both you and Eddie cheered, high-fiving before Penny was swept up between you two for kisses and praises.

“That’s my girl!” Penny was absolutely beaming as Eddie pressed kiss after kiss into her cheek, squealing when you joined in.

The oven timer went off, as the smell of the pizza Eddie had shoved in it earlier wafted through the air. 

He made sure you had a secure hold on Penny before he jumped up to turn it off. He’d only just reached the kitchen before he was turning to face you two again when Penny shrieked, and it wasn’t a joyous one.

You glanced down at her in confusion, frowning when you saw her big eyes welling up with tears and her lower lip jutting out with a wobble.

She muttered nothing coherent, gibberish as she struggled to talk. You didn’t see this side of her often, usually she was really good at conveying what she wanted without being able to actually verbalize it, but when she was struggling to get her point across, she got understandably frustrated. 

“What is it, Penny?” You pulled her a little closer, titling your head down at her. She glanced from you to Eddie and back again, before she focused on her dad, face crumbling as the tears began to spill over her plump cheeks.

Penny tried again, as you wiped them away, but all that came out of her mouth was more gibberish and it clearly wasn’t what she wanted to express so she began crying, openly sobbing. 

You pulled her to your chest for cuddles in an attempt to comfort her and for a fraction of a second it was enough, then she was pushing herself back, her tiny arms reaching towards Eddie as she wailed out, “DADA!”

Eddie abandoned the kitchen, rushing over to scoop her into his arms as you held her out to him.

“Shhh,” Eddie cradled her head to the crook of his neck as she hiccuped, calming down almost immediately as her dad held and gently rocked her from side to side. “It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s here. I got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Despite the circumstances, your heart was ready to explode from the scene before you; Eddie was smiling and you could see his eyes were wet. He wasn’t happy about Penny’s meltdown, of course, but you could imagine the relief he must have felt over finally being acknowledged by Penny. And she’d seemed so upset with herself for not being able to call out for him, she must have been wanting to for a while now. 

She’d been happy when both you and Eddie were praising her and when he broke that moment to turn off the oven, she hadn’t wanted him to go, didn’t want him to leave her.

Your mind flashed back to all of the other times she’d cry when Eddie had to leave. She did the same with you, but ever since she learned to call out for you, it hadn’t been that bad because you could come back to her immediately, or at least for a few more goodbye kisses. With Eddie, you either had to distract her so he could sneak away or she’d cry herself into her first nap of the day. It didn’t happen all the time, but when it did, it broke your heart.

Penny sniffled a couple more times before she fought against Eddie’s hold on her head, pulling back so she could rest both of her stubby hands on his cheeks as she stared up at him.

“Pen wan’ dada.”

Eddie choked and pressed a tender kiss to her head,  letting his lips rest there as he soaked it in. It was one thing for Penny to know he was her dad, it was a whole other thing for her to call him her dad. 

“That’s my girl.”

Now you felt like you were gonna cry, happy tears of course. Then you remembered the pizza and shot up, bolting for the kitchen, “Shit!”

Penny’s momentary sadness was forgotten as her head quickly darted in your direction and Eddie smirked at the fascinated expression that quickly crossed her pretty features. He was positive she’d just learned another new word.

Yeah, that’s his girl. His girls.

[hadesoftheladies]

if you're a radfem (or feminist in general) chances are you're dealing with these: repressed anger and the effects of gaslighting

if you're exhausted a lot (without strenuous physical activity and lack of sleep), find yourself having outbursts of strong emotion, feeling desperate for a form of escape, fantasizing about drastic measures, anxious and "forgetful" about memories you have, nervous about speaking about your experiences . . .

here's some tricks on how i've been coping:

-boundaries. if you can cut off people (irl or online) that cause you to spiral into hate, frustration, anger at their ignorance/malice, do it. even if it's a musician whose one song you like. or your brother or dad. limit time as much as possible with them. the less access they have, the less relevant they become, the more energy you conserve.

-do art! create something, it doesn't matter what it is. express those emotions! make sure you're doing it in a judgement-free zone. it's important you don't become a critic at this time. do messy, honest art (sometimes i write short scenes of gay/lesbian characters to cope with the homophobia in my life, and it makes me feel MUCH better and less cynical, sometimes you need to create beauty to remember it exists in the world)

-get out! get out into nature, if you can. if you can't immerse yourself in some form of it. try watching a potted plant for a while or watch insects. take interest in the mundane aspects of life. see that leaf curl? that ant? you're part of that. when you see the clouds, remember they are part of the cycle. the earth grows into its beauty as you do. the moon is the sky's cycle tracker. you belong to this world. you belong in it. this is your home. revel in it.

-if you can, and if you want to, hang out with animals. animals are great companions with none of the misogyny, internalized or otherwise! they don't mind if you cry, either. seriously, if you need non-draining, non-complicated companionship, animals are a good option. it's also good to remember you're a simple animal sometimes, with simple needs. sometimes all you need is a nice belly rub and a little treat.

-cultivate female friendships where it's safe to rant and also not all about ranting. your friendships should be a comfort, not a chore. you need irl community. if you can access it at this time, if you can find a way to cultivate it, please do. it may save you

-it is okay to enoy things despite the evil in the world. you don't have to be an activist 24/7. go watch your favorite movie. listen to your favorite comedian. and let down your guard while you're enjoying that little something. it's important you don't fall into analyzing things.

-for the gaslighting, start having conversations where you make it explicitly clear that you want the other party to ONLY listen. also, JOURNAL, even if it's just a paragraph or two sentences. write down the small important facts of your day. you'll either build a more reliable memory or come to see how reliable your memory is. just don't hang out with people that are constantly testing you. that is not an environment where you develop healthy trust in yourself.

-fight back! these are some ways to heal from the bruising of the world, but honestly? you need to acknowledge how RIGHT and GOOD your anger is. and one of the best ways to do that is to fight back! do something that addresses part of the injustice your heart is screaming about. it doesn't have to be big, it just needs to help someone and address the situation. address the alarms in your brain telling you something isn't right and you have to do something about it. scratch that itch! do that something. you will feel really good

please feel free to add any other tips you guys may have for cultivating joy, hope and energy, because we don't have to be miserable while/for doing the right thing

[farfromrealitypls]

Bound to falling in love

Summary: Helping out a friend- well, someone you knew. Let’s put it that way, turned out to affect your life more than you ever intended. And soon he’d actually become a friend and even more?

Warnings: mention of drugs, addiction, anxiety, language, making out

A/n: hey guys!!! I’m so sorry for not being active in so long! But now I’m back and to make it up to you, I already wrote some new stuff. I’m also working on a part 2 of “I care” since a lot of you seemed to like it. I love all of you guys and I hope you enjoy this one. Part 2 will be out tomorrow<33 Also please ignore the weird spacing in this, I couldn’t figure it out.

It was a beautiful morning in obx. You were in a light slumber, laying in your big bed between big white pillows and a huge blanket. Wearing nothing but a big T-shirt and panties. A light warm breeze softly hit your face through your open window and made the curtains dance in the wind. You could hear the birds chirping and the first sun rays peeked through the clouds. If you listened real closely you could even hear the waves from a far. What a peaceful morning.

That peacefulness disappeared abruptly when the doorbell rang. You let out a whine and scrunched your nose at that disturbing sound. You shifted your body but didn’t bother opening your eyes. But then it rang again. And again. And again…

“What the hell!?” You sat up with a grunt and ran your hand through your messy hair. Your threw the blanket off and dragged your grumpy self downstairs, eyes barely open. On your way down you heard loud knocking adding on to the obnoxious ringing.

“Someone better be dead” you mumbled to yourself.

You opened the door and standing there was Rafe Cameron.

“Wtf Rafe” you brought out, eyes half closed and annoyance written all over your face.

“Is Top here?”

“No? Why would he be?” You whined.

“He’s not home and I need to talk to him”

“Ok? So you decide to come here and terrorise me on my day off?” Was he serious? You didn’t bother trying to open your eyes more. You just wanted to go lay back down.

“Do you know where he is?”

He just walked past you, entering your house. Looking around like you were hiding Topper somewhere.

“Come in i guess” you shook your head in disbelief and closed the door.

“I need to find him” he said with a really serious tone.

Something was off. It’s Rafe, so it’s always something off, but this was different. You finally looked at him and let your tired eyes scan him. He looked like he hasn’t been sleeping in days. He had dark circles under his eyes and his eyes look even more insane that usual. He was glistening with sweat and kept fidgeting and continuously bit the inside of his cheek.

Rafe took a moment to get a good look of you too. His eyes wandered from your wild hair, to your puffy lips, down to your chest and then to your legs. You could see his lips turning into a small smirk. That’s when you realised you were standing in front of him with only a shirt and panties. Hair all messy and definitely no bra. It made you blush and you tried to pull your T-Shirt down a little further to cover up more of yourself and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Why? What’s so important?” You drew his attention back to your face.

“Doesn’t matter” He kept pacing back and forth.

You scoffed. The audacity of this man. You saw him mumbling something to himself and started to genuinely worry a little.

“Rafe are you ok? You look kinda miserable” you asked with a soft voice, tilting your head.

“I need to borrow some money from him” he stopped his pacing, but didn’t face you.

Money? That’s what all this drama is about? He is literally called “the kook prince” He had that nickname for a reason.

“For what?” You raised your eyebrows.

“I’m in debt with someone” He answered slowly. You expected the answer to be “a boat” or “a new bike” but debt actually sounded like a reallife problem.

“Rafe your dad owns half of this island. Ask him for money” you squeezed the bridge of your nose and really tried not to sound too unimpressed.

He remained silent for a bit before his eyes finally met yours again.

“He cut me off from all the money”

“Oh… well just tell whoever you owe money, to give you more time until you saved it up” you suggested, truly trying to insure him it’s not that big of a deal.

“I can’t! Fuck I can’t!” He raised his voice and threw his hands up. He started pacing again, biting his nails and his breathing fastened. This was definitely a big deal, you started to realise that he had to be in some deep shit and you honestly felt bad for him.

“Who the hell do you owe money?” You took a few steps towards him.

He zoned out and just stood there, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

“Rafe…” you softly pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Why is that important?” He shrug his shoulders and met your eyes. He looked so awfully tired.

“Because we will figure something out”

His expression softened and he gulped.

“Barry”

“Barry?!”

He was taken aback by your reaction and tried to figure out what it meant.

You sighed, turned around and left to go upstairs without a word.

“Where are you going?” He asked confused.

“Putting clothes on. And then we’ll go to Barry’s and fix your problem”

Rafe hesitated but you convinced him to trust you. He got into your jeep and you made your way to Barry’s. While driving you were rethinking your decision to help him. He was rude to you most of the time, he was arrogant and a coke snorting, spoiled rich kid. But the truth was, you never believed Rafe was as bad as everyone claimed. Sure he was an asshole, but many people were. You avoided and ignored him most of the time but you knew deep down he was just a little sad boy, with a shitty family and shitty friends. And something in the way he showed up at your house today, desperately needing help and miserable, made your heart ache. You looked over to him and he was playing with the ring on his finger, looking out the window. That’s when you noticed a really bad wound on his wrist. It looked like a burn mark and not a small one.

“What’s that on your wrist?” You asked concerned.

“I was late on a payment” he answered dry without facing you.

You frowned and tried to to get rid of the images of the scenario in your head. Now you really felt bad.

He didn’t say a word the whole ride and when Barry’s house appeared you heard him take a deep breath.

You parked the car.

“Stay here” you didn’t give him time to answer, you shut the door and walked towards Barry’s house. He scoffed at your bossy tone and then watched you disappear when Barry opened the door and let you in.

He didn’t take his eyes off the door the whole time you were gone. He chewed on his nails and went through a bunch of scenarios that could be happening right now.

Just when he decided to check on you, the door finally opened and you stepped out and made your way back to the car.

“Alright you’re good” you buckled yourself in.

“What?” He shifted in his seat to look at you better, clearly confused and waiting for details.

“You’re good. You don’t owe him anything anymore” you said proudly and gave him a warm smile.

Rafe let out a content sigh and leaned back in his seat, one hand pressed against his heart, eyes closed.

He opened them abruptly and turned to look at you again.

“You uh- you didn’t promise him any weird favours right?” He asked and stared into your soul.

You tilted your head in confusion.

“You know, you didn’t like suck him off for cash in there right?”

“Rafe that is called prostitution and is actually illegal.” You said with a giggle and couldn’t believe that that’s what worried him.

What Rafe didn’t know was that you knew Barry. Quite a long time actually. Not because you bought drugs from him, but because you were some what like friends. You hooked him up with a good paying job this one time and he owed you a favour for that. So you asked him to let Rafe go. He gave you this super long speech about how Rafe Cameron is a bad guy and he wasn’t worth it. It took some convincing but he finally agreed.

“No he actually owed me a favor. I helped him get an awesome job this one time and he had to make that one up”

You could see the relief on Rafes face and smiled at him.

“Thank you” he said quietly, smiling back at you.

“No problem. Do you want me to drop you off at your place?”

Rafe remained silent for a few seconds before he answered.

“My dad kicked me out” he took his eyes off you and looked down at his hands.

“Oh. I’m sorry” you didn’t wanna ask why. He already seemed upset.

“You can stay at my place if you want to. My parents won’t be home until next week” you offered with a soft smile.

“No it’s fine. You already got me out of a lot of shit” he shook his head.

“Whatever. I’ll take you to my place for now and if you decide to stay, you can” you put your car in drive and drove off. You glanced at Rafe, when you locked eyes with him he quickly took his eyes of you again.

You pulled into the driveway and then walked Rafe back to your house.

“Alright there is food in the fridge if you’re hungry. I gotta leave now tho, I’ll be back in a few hours”

“Where are you going? I thought it’s your day off?” He stood in front of you, hands in his pockets.

“Yeah but I’m volunteering at the hospital today”

“You-fuck. You know I swear if I look closely, I can see a fucking halo above your head.” He scoffed and pointed at your head.

“Yeah right” you chuckled and reached for the door handle.

“Y/n?”

You turned around to face him again and he stood there chewing on his bottom lip.

“I’m gonna get my shit together. I know everyone thinks I’m a fuck up, but imma get it together real tight.” He tapped his chest and stared into your eyes.

“I know you will. I believe in you” you said genuinely with a soft tone.

He nodded and gulped. And were those tears pooling in his eyes?

“I’ll start right now. I’ll figure something out” he stuttered and started pacing back and forth again.

You began to really feel bad for him, he was so broken and the fact he thought about himself as a fuck up hurt you.

“You should just rest Rafe. You’re tired. Give yourself some time and stop beating yourself up. It’s ok” you took a few steps towards him.

He stopped in his tracks and pressed his palms onto his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Come here” you opened your arms for a hug.

He looked at you and hesitated, you could see his eyes glistening with tears.

You decided to just go for it and went over to him and embraced him in a tight hug.

He just stood there akwardly and you could feel every muscle tensing up underneath your touch. You started to gently run your hand over his back and finally he slung his arms around you, squeezing you so tight that it almost hurt. He buried his face into the crook of your neck and you felt some tears hitting your skin. There you were, holding this huge man who obviously didn’t get hugged enough his whole life.

Suddenly he pulled away and you let him go.

“Fuck sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong, probably coming off my high you know” he was quick to wipe away the tears, ran his hand through his hair and straightened his spine. Now he looked really tall and intimidating again. Just like the Rafe Cameron you knew.

You weren’t offended by him trying to find excuses now. You knew he needed that.

“Get some sleep. The couch is actually super comfy and if it’s not, you can go upstairs in my room.” You went towards the door again and opened it.

He nodded and ran his ringed finger over his bottom lip.

“I gotta go” with that you closed the door behind you and got into your car.

When you drove back home after your day at the hospital, you didn’t expect Rafe to still be there. You already convinced yourself that this was a one time interaction with him and that he’s just going to be rude to you again. He’s gonna pretend like all this never happened and he’s gonna tell you to shut up about it too.

You opened the front door and threw your stuff on the floor, walking straight into the kitchen to grab some food. You grabbed some leftover pizza and made your way to the living room.

You almost dropped your plate when you saw a person laying on the couch. It was Rafe. You couldn’t help yourself but smile when you saw him sleeping so peacefully. He was laying on his stomach, face squished into a pillow and his huge arms tucked under it. He barely fit onto the couch. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, he was absolutely beautiful and the sight of him still being here gave you butterflies.

You quietly set your plate on the table and grabbed a blanket. You gently threw it over his body. While doing so, you accidentally kicked the table and you flinched at that sound. Rafe shifted his body.

“I’m so sorry. Go back to sleep” you whispered.

“Mhm” he didn’t open his eyes and just tucked himself in with the blanket.

You giggled and took your plate upstairs with you. You ate your pizza and went to sleep.

You woke up in the middle of the night and felt like you were gonna die of thirst, so you decided to go downstairs and grab some water. You grabbed a cup and it fell out of your hand into the sink. You mentally face palmed yourself and just hoped it didn’t wake Rafe for a second time. You told him to get some rest and now you’re the one disturbing his rest.

“Y/n?”

Shit. You thought to yourself.

You made your way over to him.

“I’m sorry. I swear I’m not doing this on purpose” you tried to convince him.

He was laying there, face still squished into the pillow and one arm hanging off the couch. Eyes still closed, he looked like he fell asleep again.

You turned to leave when he grabbed your arm. You looked down at where his huge hand wrapped around your wrist.

“Wait” his eyes were still closed.

“Can you stay?” He asked with a deep raspy voice, half asleep.

“No” you answered.

He let go of your wrist and opened his eyes to look at you. He nodded and quickly took his eyes off you again.

“But you can come upstairs with me” you giggled softly.

A huge smile crept on his face and you could see the relief in his eyes.

“It’s a little more comfortable than the couch” you added.

He got up and towered over you, running his hand through his messy hair. You could feel the heat radiating off him and it made your heat beat faster. He just looked down at you until you pushed past him and he followed you upstairs into your bedroom. You snuggled into your sheets and so did he. You weren’t touching but he was laying close enough so you could feel his body heat and hear his breathing. You hated to admit that it made you feel safe and calm. You fell asleep pretty fast but every once in a while his hand would accidentally brush against your arm or he would lay so close that you could feel his breath against your neck and it made your body feel like it’s on fire. Why did you feel like this? You tried to shove all those feelings into a mental box and burry it deep down, since he’s most likely gonna disappear in the morning.

[yuseirra]

I've been jotting down notes here like a madman, but no matter how much I think about it, I don't think Ai's boyfriend would have tried "to scare her" by sending Ryosuke..

Looking at how Kamiki behaves, he’s the type who takes responsibility for things even when it’s not his fault, and it really wears him down.

I mean, the things Ai brought up when she left to him were incredibly cruel...(she didn't blame him, just stated the facts but that alone would have broke him) The incident related to Taiki was something terrible, something for which a mere 11-year-old kid could have no responsibility; he was just a one-sided victim. Yet, when Kamiki brings it up when talking to Aqua, he talks about it as if it was something he had done, saying things like "what I did," and justifies Ai leaving as if it were natural. When someone "accepts" and "agrees with" things to this extreme degree, the possibility of aggressive outbursts is very low. If this guy showed aggression, it should have been MUCH sooner, he couldn't even do anything at Airi, he couldn't say anything when Ai left. He just... stands there with wide eyes all speechless. No sense of anger or active actions of rebuttals.

His personality seems to be one where, when something happens, he doesn’t lash out at others but instead torments himself. He blames himself for everything, thinking, "Oh, it's my fault that things turned out this way," and he’s terrible at self-protection (he’s similar to Aqua in this way, but his low self-esteem makes it even worse). He should have been angry at Ai’s words, but he couldn’t even do that.

This kind of reaction aligns with how he couldn’t say a word in chapter 155. From his perspective, he’s been believing Ai’s lie for over a decade, and then the next thing he says is that he’s going to do something for Ai. His ways of actions are consistent. If he’s still like this after 15 years, then he’s either always been like this, or it’s just his nature, or at least when it comes to things related to Ai (although it seems like this is how he is overall).

It’s not impossible that he "exploded after holding it in for so long," but what happened before Ai died wasn’t enough to provoke someone’s breaking point like that... If it’s true that she only contacted him after four years, well, it’s possible that this character, given his nature, might have been excited, surprised, and desperate, only to be rejected again, leading him to feel miserable and sorrowful. But then he might have thought, "Of course, Ai wouldn’t want to meet someone like me again; that’s only natural," and convinced himself of that. (If someone dumps him, he’s more likely to accept it rather than obsess over it. Think about it, he didn't do anything for 4 years;; and Ai's a celebrity, he could've tried to approach her on many occasions but the protagonist twins have no idea of the dad) Based on what he says, this interpretation makes more sense. I think he could've been just incredibly sad. But then something went wrong, Ai died, and now he’s completely out of his mind, thinking it’s his fault. I honestly don't understand why you'd try to harm someone who'd be willing to show your kids whom you share with them. Is he that crazy and broken? That sort of reaction is very different from how he used to be, and personalities don't change that drastically. Maybe he grew insane after the influence of the black star or whatever, but from how well the characters are written in this manga, I think there should have been signs if he were to be the type to take that sort of toxic action. Kamiki mostly just seemed.. timid and helpless, in his past.

He believes he was never loved by the person they loved deeply, but he also says he's willing to sacrifice their life for them while being so, that’s actually quite a miserable state of mind, isn’t it? Even in such a state, it seems like Kamiki was constantly doing something for Ai. Since he thought Ai didn’t like him, he probably disregarded himself entirely and went off the rails... with a mindset of "I don’t care if I die."

That’s why I think statements from this character like "It’s my fault" or "I did it" are not very reliable to believe at face value. It seems like he’s saying these things because he wants to blame himself, or maybe he can’t forgive himself, so he talks like that. I could be wrong, but at least when it comes to Yura, I think there’s a high chance that he’s less responsible than he thinks and that there’s about a 50% chance that he didn’t even kill anyone; the more I try to examine his character, I feel like he’s not someone who would originally harm others.

Maybe he really did nothing at all... If that’s the case, someone should save this guy. The only explanation I could think of, for having Ai say "help Kamiki" would be this. If it were to be any other way, and Ai was his victim, then the story is just so harsh on Ai, even if she loves him, Kamiki would have to pay for what he's done, not "helped". Well, his life has been pretty miserable. I don’t know what he’s been up to while the main characters grew up and after he broke up with Ai and looking at him all dressed up in a suit and holding champagne, he might have lived his life doing everything he wanted and enjoying it, but I think he’d have definitely been mentally devastated since Ai’s death. He’s probably extremely depressed, to the extent that it's surprising he’s still alive. It can’t be otherwise. I bet he really doesn't care about himself all so much.., the songs imply that very strongly.

This could sound like I'm trying to defend myself for shipping them but really.. I don't think Hikaru tried to scare Ai using Ryosuke in the first place. It just doesn't line up with his personality and what his behaviors used to be like. My drawings are actually drawn on the baseline that he lied about to be hated by Aqua and to get avenged by him (at that point of the story, he still believed that Ai and Aqua both wanted to get revenge on him and he decided to go along with it) but I know, I can be wrong. And there's probably a pretty low chance of this being touched again, but it's been so confusing for me... If he turns out to be like that, then it is what it is, I guess.

What he did, if what he claimed to do is what's happened in truth, is unforgivable. It shouldn't be redeemable, although he did have his own troubles. But with how the stories are lined up, Ai's confession of love comes AFTER he makes such a claim, and she wants to help him. Would the writer really try to justify or stand with a guy who tried to scare her ex by sending a guy with a knife?; and make Ai say those kinds of things? For her to wish not just herself, but to work with her own children -the protagonists- to help a guy like that? That'd be so cruel. I wouldn't be able to support that so wholeheartedly. I'd want to see him get some proper scolding at least, as a minimum but Aqua just let him go after having him see a video. It makes me wrap my head a lot... it's not handled really well if that's what the story really is.

And why send a pretty bouquet, out of all things when you're trying to "make someone feel the same despair"? Couldn't that have been just a well-meant gift? I mean he sent one to Akane and he's held one at a funeral, and those didn't turn out to have ill intent from what's been shown so far. How did this guy even meet Ryosuke in the first place?

I wrote a theory about what could've happened earlier, and in short, I think Nino being Ryosuke's accomplice on this (and her having introduced Ryosuke to Kamiki) would make more sense than this guy. Nino could have had many opportunities to encounter Ryosuke, but I can't really picture exactly how and for what reason Kamiki would've met this guy and formed a long-term alliance of some sort if he's never really wanted to harm Ai.

So yeah.. I'll just draw them lots before things clear up more(maybe it never will and I'm just overthinking things but I'm really curious just how Ryosuke got into contact with this guy; stuff's confusing) and I'll kick Kamiki's butt if he's really done that sort of thing. Idk; his reactions in 155 were even milder than how I first anticipated it to be...he has very low levels of aggression if I've interpreted it right.

It's so fun to think about these things, perhaps I'm a person who will be scammed really easily since I believe in people's goodwill but, it will allow me to draw some things for the time being.

[boots-with-the-fur-club]

CHAPTER 10 OF THESE ARE NOT OUR MASKS!! FINALLY!! So sorry for the long wait! I had the author’s curse of things happening and also got major burnout. But it’s here now!! Next chapter will be the last!

@daboyau

@that-0n3-shr00mi3

@iobsesswaytoomuch

@sady-is-secretly-an-alchemist

@dluebirb

@burritello3000

April’s hands tighten around her weapon.

Shredder!? That’s why Leo has been crazier than Raph and Donnie!?

Judging by how they listen to Leo now though, she has a feeling that they’ve been changed once again. For the worst.

Leo’s head tilts slightly. April watches as the fingers at his side tap on his legs. He’s waiting on something.

But what-?

“MIKEY!” She grabs him, tossing and barreling him into Splinter.

He knocks his father over with the force of it, sitting up just in time to see April had saved him from getting grabbed by a clone Raph.

“I should have known you’d do what you’re best at, being the most annoying person in the room.” Leo laughs.

One of the devices dropped out of Splinter’s hand, it rolling over near Donnie’s foot.

He picks it up, carefully examining it.

“This is your plan? As expected when you’re missing the only parts of the team that matter.”

A chain shoots out and smacks the device, containing Donnie in a bubble.

“As expected when you’re underestimating us.” Mikey retorts.

Donnie hisses out as he violently bangs on the inside of the bubble. He makes movements to create something, but nothing happens.

Mikey had no idea what it did, but luckily it seemed to work! Whatever it is!

“Go Splints! Now!” April yells, coming at the clone with her bat so it can’t stop them.

Splinter jumps back up, several parts of his body cracking with the effort that he has to ignore for the moment.

Mikey quickly gets up with him, making a ball of chains around the masks so that he can hold them close without the added fear of accidentally activating them.

Despite not knowing exactly what the plan is, Mikey knows something else.

This is the time to get their family back.

Splinter moves as fast as he’s capable of, drawing in Leo’s attention and slipping Mikey another one of the devices.

Raph charges after Mikey and leaves craters in the ground with every missed punch from Mikey’s hopping around.

Mikey has never felt as much focus as he does now. Raph has been the one helping them train for years before they went back to their dad to ask for help.

Another hit, another dodge.

He knows how Mikey usually fights.

Raph grabs at him.

This isn’t a usual fight.

Mikey launches himself at him, popping into his shell that slams into his face from the force.

Raph stumbles back already from the hit only to be met with a kick from the leg that pops out.

It’s harder than he or anyone else would expect from Mikey.

He stumbles even more until Mikey activates and tosses the device, trapping him in a bubble. Raph roars and slams against it, only managing to roll around.

The clone fighting April disappears.

She quickly turns.

“You did it! Now we just need-!”

A sword lodges itself almost in her foot, but just barely misses and impales the ground instead.

“Leo.”

He’s staring her down with the creepy expression on his mask. Why does he keep going after her!?

Splinter tries to force Leo to focus on him again. He has clearly been having trouble with Leo’s new strength and speed, not to mention the portals that keep popping up.

“You’re so desperate to try and keep the only friends you managed to make! Maybe if you worked on not being such a miserable loser, you wouldn’t fail so much at getting anyone back!” Leo cackles.

“Leo! We already have Raph and Donnie! Just stop now and let us help you! It’s over!” April pleads.

“It’s over when I say it’s over. Give my regards to Casserole.” Leo hisses, moving so fast towards her that no one can react in time.

“IT’S CASSANDRA!” A portal opens up in front of April, sending Leo’s claws straight through.

Well, almost no one.

Another portal opens in front of Leo’s mask.

The claws make contact, jamming into the mask and surprisingly cutting into it.

The scream that Leo lets out hardly sounds like his own voice. It doesn’t sound human. It doesn’t even sound like a noise a turtle should be able to make.

It’s demonic.

He drops to one knee and pulls his hand out of the portal, putting it and his other hand to his mask. Judging by the cracks that start appearing from the puncture, it’s to keep it from falling apart.

Mikey gasps loudly.

“It’s not the electricity!! It’s us! The mask takes in mystics but it can’t handle direct attacks from ours!”

“Splints! Hurry!” April shouts.

Leo writhes in pain as he jumps far away, arms moving with his head that is thrown back then around.

“Leo! How many times are we going to have to tell you that this isn’t right!? It’s not how you’re supposed to be!”

Leo finally moves his hands, allowing one piece of the mask to drop.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED!? JUST FOR ALL OF YOU!? I HELD BACK! I STABBED DRAXUM! I DID THIS FOR YOU! I DID THIS FOR THEM! NOBODY IS GRATEFUL! NOBODY IS EVER GRATEFUL! What don’t you get!? This is what I want!”

April stills, finally being able to see part of his face.

“Then why are you crying!?”

It’s Leo’s turn to pause, clawed hand lifting up to touch his exposed face. His finger becomes wet immediately. The piece of the mask that had fallen was the eye of the tragedy half.

“I’m….I’m crying….?”

Mikey steps forward, reaching his hand out.

“You were crying before too! When I almost got through to you! You wanted to stop, Leo! You still want to! Please! Let me have all my big brothers back!”

Leo hesitates. It almost seems like he’s considering it.

“I can bring you home, Leo!”

“Home….? We….we can go home…?”

Mikey smiles, taking another step.

“We can! We can all go home! Together!”

April watches the both of them nervously. Nothing is safe yet. Not until the masks are off and completely destroyed.

Leo slowly reaches out his hand back.

Mikey’s eyes brighten.

Leo’s own eye darkens.

“I am home.”

Mikey doesn’t have to have someone pull him back this time, he preemptively moves. Leo’s swipe barely misses his plastron.

“Leo! No!”

“I should have realized you were all too weak. Them for getting captured, and you for not taking the chance when you had it! I’ll have to make a new family. A better family.” He drops through a portal.

Mikey drops to his knees, holding the masks held in the chains tightly to him. He helped save Raph and Donnie, he made sure April and dad didn’t get masked, but he still lost Leo.

Again.

Tears begin wetting his mask. Leo is going to keep being in pain until they can save him.

Can they save him….?

April gets on the ground with him, hugging him tightly.

“We’re gonna get him back, no matter how stubborn that mask made him. We know how hard he’s been fighting. We can’t let him fight alone.”

Mikey hugs her back just as tightly, sniffling and whimpering. He feels like the world’s biggest baby, but he can’t help it.

He wants to be held by his whole family as he cries about how unfair everything is.

He wants Raph to pick him up and tell him that it’s going to be okay, that his biggest brother is there to protect him.

He wants Donnie to promise that his genius is going to fix it all, robo hand placed on his head so he can comfort him.

He wants Leo to tell his horrible jokes as he smushes their cheeks together and makes him feel like he really truly will be okay.

There’s only one way he can get all that back, and that’s getting them back.

All of them.

“I-I know what we can do. Get Raph and Donnie back home, there’s something here still we can use.” Mikey squeezes April before trying to move.

A hand grabs his and he turns back.

April has tears dripping down her glasses.

“Let me go with you.”

Mikey’s eyes widen before he helps pull her up, just nodding at her. He’s seen so much it’s easy to forget that she’s going through just as much. He takes her along with him to go find what he’s looking for.

Splinter starts rolling his sons into the awaiting portal. He’s silent as they’re hurling every possible insult they can at him. They’re painful, but at the same time, he can’t help but feel joy at knowing they’re going home where they belong.

He can help them.

He will help them.

Once he rolls them in, Casey is sitting up on the couch, arms crossed over her chest.

“And you wanted me to stay! Once again I prove to you the might of Cassandra Jones!”

“I’ll snap ya like a twig when I get outta this.” Raph growls.

Casey scootches away further down the couch. Despite him being in a bubble, she very clearly remembers how it felt to be in that car as it started closing in on her.

Donnie slams his hands on the bubble again.

“I’ll open you up and see what’s making you so stupid!”

Splinter sighs, rubbing his hands on the bubbles.

“We will free you from this, my sons.”

Mikey and April come back through the portal. Mikey holds the gloves that Leo had portaled away. He feels lucky that they were still in the base, but another part of him feels that maybe Leo did it on purpose.

Still fighting every part of the way.

Splinter turns towards the both of them.

“Orange, what are those?”

Mikey takes a deep breath.

“Donnie’s taser gloves. Raph’s…..Raph’s mask was coming off when it was used on him. He was able to talk to me for a little bit. If we get them off right away after we use it, they’ll come off!”

April almost winces at looking at them.

“Do we really gotta use these?”

“I volunteer if you will not.” Casey chimes in.

“No! I’m not trusting you with all that after what you said before! Mikey, isn’t this gonna hurt?”

Mikey stares down at the gloves.

“A lot, but I don’t think my chains will work! Maybe for pulling them off, but not breaking them. It’s…..it’s the only option.”

April has her turn to stare at them.

“You don’t have to do it, Mikey.”

“No! April! I can’t make you!”

“And you’ve had to deal with enough! Let your big sister handle it. Please.”

Mikey’s lip wobbles before he gives her the gloves, hesitating every step of the way.

April takes a deep breath. Just a little more pain and the guys can come back. They won’t have to suffer with this anymore. Mikey won’t either.

She has to look around and study them before she manages to figure out how they work. They light up in purple and April has to work up the nerve again.

Looking between the two bubbles, her eyes land on Raph. He’s been like this the longest, he deserves to have that thing off already.

“Alright, Splints, undo the bubble. Mikey, you get the chains on him. I’ll….handle the rest.”

Splinter and Mikey nod, getting ready.

“On three….one, two….three!”

Splinter undoes the bubble. Raph tries to come at April immediately, but gets wrapped up tightly in chains. April touches the mask with the gloves and Raph nearly roars in pain.

April refuses to let up until she can feel the mask start to slip. She grabs at the mask and starts pulling. Raph thrashes around violently, but Mikey tightens his hold on the chains.

Eventually, finally, the mask is off.

Tears are streaming down Raph’s face before he falls over on the ground.

April can see the tendrils still moving slightly so she keeps shocking until they fully wither and die.

She’s not taking any chances.

Splinter and Mikey are by Raph’s side immediately, holding him up.

“Raph! Raphie!!” Mikey yells, hoping it wasn’t too much for him.

Raph groans, head moving to the side before he groggily begins to open his eyes and stare up at the two.

“Red? My son? Is it you?” Splinter questions.

Raph pauses, worsening the anxiety in the air, eyes landing solely on his brother this time.

Then, he speaks.

“Mikey.”

[sirianasims]

We had decided to just let things happen naturally after the wedding, and it didn’t take long until I was pregnant.

We were both overjoyed, and our roommates were excited for us. Griffin immediately started changing our weekly meal plans around the nutritional requirements of pregnant women.

I asked if he was sure he still wanted to be a surgeon and not become a nutritionist instead, but he laughed it off.

“Freya, don’t be silly. You can do more than one thing with your life! Just look at Daria. Would you tell her to choose whether she wants to only do programming or podcasting or animal rights activism?”

“You know I’d never dare tell Daria what to do, but I honestly don’t understand how she finds the time.”

“Exactly, priorities!” Griffin looked at me like he’d just won the discussion and went back to his meal planning.

I thought about it. Sports had always taken up most of my time, and the rest I spent with friends and family. I didn’t really have any other interests, unless you counted reading a book or watching a movie. Griffin had his cooking, Daria seemed to be doing all the things, and even Jessica had a fashion blog.

At least Samuel was more like me, we both tended to focus on our careers and family. He wanted to specialise in paediatrics, he really loved working with children.

He was so excited about becoming a father. He kept flipping between ‘doctor mode’, spewing random facts about child development and asking me how I was feeling, and ‘dad mode’ where he obsessed about names and insisted on talking to my belly in silly voices.

It was pretty adorable. I couldn’t wait for us to finally meet our baby. We were going to be the best parents ever, together.

Nothing like my own parents.

I wasn’t even three years old when they split up. My father then proceeded to spend almost five years drinking and whoring his way through a pretty miserable existence.

Still, most of my memories of him back then were good. Even though he was troubled, he was always so happy to see me, and he always came to my games or picked me up from practice.

I remembered our trip to Mt. Komorebi vividly. The snowboarding had been amazing, and I loved spending time with my dad.

But then I had woken up from a nightmare in the big, dark, and unfamiliar house. I had felt very alone.

I was used to living by the harbour with my mother, used to the constant noise outside.

Here, the thick snow blanketed everything and it was eerily quiet.

I couldn’t remember how to turn on the lights, so I stumbled into the dark hallway, blinded by tears, only vaguely certain of where my dad’s bedroom was.

He wasn’t there.

It wasn’t the first time in my life that I’d gone to his bedroom to find it empty, but at home, it just meant that he was downstairs watching TV, or had fallen asleep on the couch with Cooper snuggled up next to him. Here, there was no sound of a TV or any light anywhere. The house felt completely deserted.

I knew I wasn’t really alone, my grandparents were in their bedroom somewhere downstairs, but I was afraid to go down there. I didn’t even want to go back into the dark hall.

I curled up on the big, empty bed. Surely, my dad would come. He had to sleep sooner or later.

I don’t remember crying myself to sleep, but I remember waking up.

My dad had been there, moisture still in his hair, fresh from a shower. With the smell of toothpaste and only the faintest hint of alcohol left on his breath.

I always hated that particular combination of smells.

He’d promised never to leave me again, and he hadn’t. Much later, I learned that he had started therapy as soon as we got home, and as far as I knew, he hadn’t touched alcohol for over fifteen years now. But I still remembered the smell.

I put my hands protectively on my growing belly.

“I’m going to do a better job than they did, no matter what it takes”, I whispered.

beginning / previous / next

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Headcanon/Concept:

'The Tattle-Tale Heart'

"You should be dead." Lucifer advises, his tone bored and overall utterly unenthused about the whole situation. To be fair to his majesty, Lucifer was doing this under duress.

Said duress was a few feet away, eyes brimming with anxiety and worry as her father crouched over the pinned Overlord, clearly concerned for a number of reasons. The chief of which was the injured red prick, and a close second was likely the fact she'd had to use force against someone even for their own good.

A Princess of all that was dark and demonic, and yet, the little lives of sinners and their miserable woes seemed to wring her heart out. It was touching, and infuriating, in equal measure. Sometimes he can't help but wonder if she held more of Lillith or himself in that deceptively sweet humanoid form. Both had loved to help, in their own way... but only Lucifer had once agonised over enforcing his will on others.

Struggling against the bonds tethering the idiot to the floor, -and good luck with that you pompous fuck because those are divine bindings-, Alastor snarls at the King. Face so close they could just about kiss, though nothing would disgust him more, and he's pretty sure from what he's sussed out about the guy... Al here wouldn't be a big fan either.

Hah, maybe he should, just to get one over on the assho-... whoa, no, nope. That would cross a line. He blinks back to the situation at hand as Charlie touches his shoulder, a gentle query.

"Uh, Dad? Are you okay?"

"Er, yep, yup, yes totally my duckling! Just got lost in my head, you know how it is." Cemented into the current moment, Lucifer again rests his palm against the damaged flesh before him, the divine energy surging back at him was almost depleted through his earlier efforts but the wound looked pretty bad underneath.

"And you, you arrogant dick, should be dead."

"And you, your majesty, should have your eyes checked... it is merely an injury taking it's time to heal over. It's hardly the first time an angel has gotten too close... speaking of, would you care to remove your hands from me before I remove them for you?"

The warbling warning in the voice is easily batted aside by the royalty present, as the severity of the injury becomes clear as the light leaves it. Lucifer feels the divine surge of it in his palms as it joins his own half-divine, half-demonic form and writhes about for a bit.

An angelic essence tantrum, one could say, and knowing that it came from Adam of all the arrogant feathered fools above... Lucifer would have to say it was on-brand.

Charlie gasps, "Oh Al, you should have said something..."

Lucifer's gut clenches as he can actively see the way something sharp in Alastor's expression softens as he addresses Charlie.

"My dear, this is hardly the worst thing that has happened to me in Hell, it would have healed in time. What else do we have down here but time to make further mistakes? Hah-ha!

"No. I asked you to fight with me, and you took on the First Man to help defend my dream... so Im telling you, as your business partner and weird sort of managerial kid, that you should have said something to someone before it got this bad. And I am really, really angry with you, right now, because I hate seeing any of you hurt... and knowing that you didn't think you could come to ask for help was-... was-..." Charlie's expression dissolved into angry, desperate sobs that seemed to throw both the men into the room into disarray.

"Now, Charlotte-... "

"Char-Char, it's okay, Daddy's fixing it!"

"...indeed, 'Daddy' is trying, apparently." Alastor can't help but snipe, earning a tightening of the bindings until he snarled. He opens his mouth to deliver what might be a withering statement about Lucifer, when things go rather awry.

With a violent slam, the door opens, and Vaggie enters with the spear aimed point-first. "What's wrong, babe? What did he do?"

"Contrary to your opinion, Vagatha, it appears it may be what I did NOT do... that is cause for this kerfuffle." Alastor explains, and his ears flattened backward against his skull, clearly surprising Charlotte enough that she stopped crying.

"Wait, those are your EARS? Ohmygosh they look so fluffy, can I to-... no, wait, you don't like touch. I'm so sorry..."

"A negotiation for later, perhaps."

"Oh you sonovabitch, don't you dare try to make a deal with her-...!"

"I wouldn't dream of using such a paltry thing for-..."

"Actually, Sir, they already made a deal." Vaggie adds in, and the room goes dead silent. "Which yooooooooou clearly didn't know about, and I'm going to need you to take several deep breaths because we JUST rebuilt the hotel, your Majesty."

"Oh relax, she still has her soul... it was for a favour. It was the best way to ensure our reputations remained intac-..." the sentence broke into a sharp static scream as Lucifer's clawed hand slipped into the angry maw of the jagged wound. Blood, fever-hot, slipped down his arm as the King slipped under a frantically trembling set of lung to grasp-...

...nothing.

The confusion snapped him right out of the momentary malice, eyes flickering back to normal as horns and tail receeded. Only just noticing Charlotte and Vaggie's hands on him, trying to yank him back from a very dark place.

Anger surges back up, how dare this sinner make a deal with his Charlotte? And then dare to call out the King for being a terrible father?

And yet... the statistical anomaly doesn't line up here.

"You should be dead." Lucifer states in a monotonous voice, no inflection of the curiosity and bewilderment that races through him. He casts about again and feels Something that isn't right, beating away impossibly... and a trace of something familiar. "Where's-... where's your-..."

"Dad, STOP!"

"SIR, PLEASE!"

Heeding the frantic cries, he allows the women to haul him back and away from the Overlord, his arm covered to the elbow in slick crimson blood. With some small amount of smug pride, Lucifer notes that the Radio Demon is ashen and panting, the frayed stitches about the wound were snapped from his attempts to pull away in his bindings. He sure hoped that the fucker would feel his hand there anytime he thought to try making a deal with Char-Char again.

An enraged Charlie fills his vision, horns on full display.

"Dad, what the seven rings was THAT?! You had NO RIGHT to hurt him like that, and I can-... I can make a deal if I want to. If you ever do that again I'll-..." She looked to be struggling to find a good enough threat.

"...sell your soul to the porn moth guy?" Vaggie grimaces.

"Yes! That!" Charlie points, eyes wild. "I'll let Valentino have my soul, and probably all my ho-..."

There's a loud screech of static and a demonic "NO!" at the same moment Lucifer cried, "SWEETIE NO!"

"You will never even jest about such a thing!" Alastor adds, his fixed smile twisting into a truly disgusted grimace. Charlie turns to him immediately, as if to reassure, but chooses instead to snap away the bindings.

"I'm sorry, I won't... he licked my arm that one time I went there and I accidentally set fire to his studio, so I'd rather fight ten Adams than try that again, so-..." she was rambling, her hands hovering as if she wanted to help but didn't know where to start.

Thankfully, Vaggie happened to have at least basic field medic training and some excellent common sense (hell edition) in her possession. She did wrinkle her nose at the strong scent of blood, exposed innards and some sort of infection that had yet to flush out as she knelt beside the overlord.

"Well, this is gross. No two ways about it. I think we'll need to clean this up first and then do some dressings... do we have any antibiotics floating around the hotel? Or was draining the angelic energy enough to get your regeneration to kick in? Not sure how it works for Overlords compared to regular sinners."

All business. In the moment and handling the crisis in front of her like Lucifer should have.

Chagrined, Lucifer snapped his fingers and removed the extraneous blood from everyone present. "Charlie, I'm sorry you had to see that, I just-... you can't go making deals. Not with sinners, or goetia, or hellhounds, or the Sins - especially not Uncle Mammon if I see one sexbot version of you I will exterminate him to ashes- or ANYONE ever again. You're the Princess of Hell, a favour can be twisted to topple the entire realm if used carefully..."

"Dad, I know that. But I made a choice, and you don't get to come along and torture people I care about because of that choice." Charlie shoots back, there's a pointed venom in the statement, and briefly Lucifer considers what it must have looked like for her, to see him go from healer to harm-inflicter without a momentary pause.

"You're right. I overreacted." Next time he would wait until Charlie wasn't there to enact violent revenge. "Now, if you want me to I will heal the deer as long as he uses your favour up to get that healing."

"What?!" Charlie is indignant. "No, no you don't get to make my decisions for me like that. If you make that the condition, I'll just... make another deal for-... for twenty favours! Including weird sexy stuff that would make Angel blush!"

"...please don't, on my account." Alastor drawls, looking vaguely ill at the notion. "And do not trouble yourself over it sire... I have no intention of using the favour, it was necessary to share the information across. You created the rules for this place after all. "

Lucifer could second that. "True." Damn, he hated giving ground to the daughter-bewitching demon.

"Would you like to make a deal about the favour, little majesty, to make you feel better?" Alastor grinned, strained at the seams and uncomfortable to look at for too long.

"Oh fuck off... how about this, I heal you and you tell me where the FUCK your heart is?" He offers instead.

"WHAT?" It's unclear who shouted that lounder, Vaggie or Charlie. Telltale footfalls on the lower staircases meant that this little exchange had not gone unnoticed by other staff and their solitary guest. The door locked itself with a little devilish insurance against sudden intruders.

Alastor tried to glare hatefully at the King, but the effect was rather ruined by his pale features, and the obvious strain of remaining functional given everything going on.

"Perhaps you do need to have your eyes checked, I am certain you just missed it due to your ineptitude with anatomy. Isn't that why your wife le-...mmph?!"

Vaggie had taken the initiative to slam her hand over his mouth in a brave and very desperate action to stop the King from incinerating the Overlord they begrudgingly cared about and worked with.

She made a shrug gesture and tried to laugh it off. "Uh, Sir, sometimes the bloodloss makes people a bit delusional... and conceited... and really fucking rude... so let's pretend he didn't say that, okay?"

Seething, tail lashing, the Devil hiimself had to count to fifty-eight in his head to calm down... but he managed it. He could be the bigger-... uh, the better demon here. Can't let the guy bait you again, he's just deflecting.

"Oh come now, Bambi... is that the best you got?" He grins, moving closer and enjoying (a tad too strongly) the way the other pulled back from his outstretched hand, only Charlie and Vaggie's presence trapped him in place. Subtly moving to pin his arms down. "We're going to overlook your bullshit bignoting for now, because I can see that Adam really fucked you up, and I suppose that you do kinda deserve a little bit of help for defending the hotel. I just need you to tell me where your heart is... and how in the seven rings you're still breathing."

Those ears remained flattened.

"Al, is it... something you CAN speak about?" Charlie asks, and the red eyes shoot open to stare at her, taken aback. "I... I saw the collar, a little while back. It was by accident, I swear!"

"I would rather you not have known, little majesty, it will draw attention... but I can. Speak about the situation. I guess."

"I really appreciate you trusting us with this." Charlie encouraged, genuinely proud of getting honesty from her friend, whose past, secrets and motivation were all a mystery at this point.

With a flat sigh, refusing to look at Lucifer, Alastor simply advised "Vox has it."

There's a beat of silence.

"Like, in a jar or-...?"

"You mean, metaphorically...?"

"Ugh, is this a cannibal dating thing?"

As their questions garbled together, Lucifer could see the way the Overlord immediately closed off to them, that fake smile brightening until a fake persona was firmly in place.

"Nevermind. If you have sated your curiosity...?"

"Hold on, if what I think you did happened, then it's not possible. So what I want to know, is how you managed to do it?" Lucifer says, shifting on his knees because the carpet wasn't as plush as he'd originally assumed, and tentatively putting his hand against the wound. The weirdest thing... was that he could FEEL a heartbeat.

With concentration, he sent healing throughout the injury, encouraging broken vessels and torn muscles to mend, binding flesh and viscera back into place, and sending a sharp flush of energy to root out the infection he could just about taste in the air at this point.

As his magic passes through the pulse-point centres, a picture begins to form in Lucifer's mind.

"You have a pulse... so something's doing the pumping." He murmurs. "There's a shadowy something there, like a fake heart... made of something imbued with three different types of magical signature... and I can't think of anyone who would have known how to do this, in this ring. But it's not...real? Like an echo, but it's working."

"As I said... this is not the first encounter with an angel, your majesty."

"Hey, you alive in there?" a voice calls, multiple fists bang on the door. "Say the word, we got weapons!"

"We're okay! Thank you, though!" Charlie calls back.

"Use ya safeword if ya need it! We'll come... heh... right in and start blastin!"

"Fortheloveof-... OKAY, THANKS!"

Lucifer snapped his fingers in front of Alastor's face.

"Hey, focus, I need to know how this happened, it doesn't make SENSE and reeks of something sinners shouldn't be able to do. I healed you, so spit it out already."

"...fine. During a disagreement several years ago, in the manner in which we often disagreed, neither Vox nor I realised the Extermination had begun until angels flooded the area. Enlarged forms making us the centre of attention until one managed to pierce Vox's heart and take him down."

Alastor clenched his teeth so hard that rivulets of crimson began to run down his chin. A faint outline about his throat glowed a familiar colour, and Lucifer was rather hoping that the digs at his eyesight might be true, because there's no way that-...

"When the exorcists assumed we were both deceased or dying, they left... and someone else arrived. Someone who we all know... who would not be pleased to have their name shared. Someone whose magical healing was more... creative than most, and would use that for the chance to collar at least one overlord to their cause."

"Don't you hate Vox though?" Vaggie asked.

"Not really, no. I dislike what he has chosen to become, and the disagreement was around the liberties that foul moth was taking... if you think having him lick your arm was bad, Charlotte, try having him attempt to jam his tongue in your mouth before formal intorductions were even made. I wanted him dead. Vox saw potential and growth there... we disagreed."

"So you were... friends?"

Alastor tilted his head with a crunching sound, positively beaming as he added, "Why no, dear... we were married."

Lucifer rubs his temples, feeling like the main character of a sitcom at this point. "Okay, so you like the television, got it... next part, tell me about the heart!"

"I already have. To clarify, Vox was almost gone and Someone knew a way to move a willing participant's organ to the body of another, until such time as the recipient's own has healed or the living donor is killed. The specifics of it all remain somewhat... blurred, due to the nature of the situation, but it also creates a facsimile that works in place and at the same rate as it's real counterpart outside the body. I suspect it was bound with a trace of Vox's magic, as well as my own... and that of Someone."

"Ho-ho-hokay, that is ridiculous, that kind of thing has never worked. I saw some weird humans trying that sort of nonsense in the Living World a few centuries back, but they also seemed to think drilling holes in your skkull could make headaches stop, so I didn't take any notice!" Lucifer rambled, digging through the disorganised mess in his head for some clarity on where, when and which peoples that information pertained to. Downside of being immortal... you remembered a lot, but you only had the one main train of thought to check all the stations.

"Oh, it worked, alright... as you could see. Or more aptly, could not." Alastor rebutted. "It worked, because there were elements that Someone needed to use, that a living world counterpart would have no ability to extract or utilise. Such as memories, feelings, concepts that were given form as part of whatever it was they did."

"Does... Vox know?"

"No."

"Wait, how does he not know? Did you just like, not tell him 'oh hey by the way you have my heart in a literal and a metaphorical way'?" Lucifer frowned.

"Part of what Someone did required the blood of an enemy, the loss of an innate right, and the memories of affection shared. Somehow this conveyed into lost freedom and Vox's memories of our relationship being erased entirely. He is, however, alive."

"That, uh, that sucks... dude." Vaggie tries to provide comfort, but is wildly out of her wheelhouse here. Charlie looks likewise flummoxed.

"Hah! Why yes, it does suck... but what is done is done. I have chosen to see it as mildly hilarious... after all, if the picture box does get his fondest wish and manages to kill me, he'll drop dead right alongside my corpse! Hahahahahaaaaaa!"

Charlie grimaced. "Oooh-kaaaaay, Al... you know I love and value you... so please don't take this the wrong way but... I'd like you to maybe try a few of the therapy sessions."

"My dear, I'd rather have your faher go fishing for my non-existent heart again..." there's a pause. "Hah, how poetic... the Devil seeking after the heart of a sinner, it feels like one of those telenovelas Niffty loves to watch. Oh, she will get a kick out of this when I tell her!"

"Whoa, I was trying to hurt you... don't make it weird!" Lucifer backtracks, eyes wide in alarm.

"Were you not elbow-deep inside m-...?"

"Nope! No! Not doing this, I get enough innuendo from the tall guy downstairs, thanks. From you, it's horrifying. Just... no." Lucifer flushes, angry and a little horrified about how this had all gone to (heh) Hell from the minute Charlie had decided to ask for his help.

'Dad I'm worried about Alastor, he's really hurt and won't tell me what's wrong.' She'd said. 'Please help me corner him and see what we can do, Vaggie said she feels angelic energy on the guy.'

And so he'd trundled along to play hero dad for Charlie, as always, and the red fucker had thrown such a hissy fit that normal restraints couldn't pin him down. So Lucifer had to break out some blessed ropes that he hadn't seen since Lillith left, and Char-Char had to whip up some royalty-grade divine bindings. He was very proud of her, but this was a mess of a situation.

Not to mention the fuss the big baby kicked off when Lucifer had snapped his shirt and coat aside to get at the bandages. Ugh.

And now here he was dealing with the only person in all hell he thought wouldn't thrown an innuendo his way, making weird insinuations while Charlie and Vaggie sat in stunned apprehension.

What was his life these days?

Ah, fuck it.

"Okay, so... what does this mean for the hotel? If the Someone is who I think you're alluding to, 'cause I'd know that magic anywhere, then clearly you're here for more than entertainment." Lucifer levels at Alastor, who was subtly wiggling his way free of the restraining girls.

"Nothing I can share. It would suffice to say that I was with Someone in a place a Cut Above the Rest for seven or s years... and then was tasked with ensuring that the others remain In Their Place without overtly damaging anything. If that makes sense?"

"...loud and clear."

"But why would... that person... want to see me fail?" Charlie asked, crestfallen, and Vaggie was instantly shuffling across the carpet at her for a hug. "I... I called so many times..."

"The ties that bind sometimes have knots in them, my dear... and as I am a man of my word, so are they."

"Who did... they... make a deal with?" Lucifer asked, curious and anxious all at once, feeling rather like a well-shaken can of soda.

"...one whom Niffty managed to tidy away. I do not know what that means."

"Okay, this is not great, but its more info than I had before all this started. So... is Someone coming here? What does it mean for you if they do? Does the whole..." Lucifer taps at his own chest, "stop working if you tell us anything, or something happens to them?

"I... don't know. The deal was made under circumstances of altered consciousness and bloodloss... but I would not be willing to test shattering or pressing against the boundaries just yet. I will not put that idiot video podcast in harm's way, even if he will never remember why."

"Understood." Fuck this fucker for starting to feel relatable. But if it was Lillith, or Charlie... he'd do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

"Okay, so we just... prepare for whatever happens, then, I guess. And if we have to do magical CPR on a television or something, we do it." Charlie says, right eye twitching as she makes some elaborate plans in her terrifyingly clever brain. "Vaggie, I'm going to need to break out my glitter glue for this... but I have a plan."

A flash of fear in that bright eye, before love replaces it. "Anything for you, babe."

"Do you require assistance, or would you prefer I return to regular duties instead? I understand that one of the rooms may have gained sentience and has attempted to eat Niffty twice today." Alastor says, buttoning his shirt closed, and using a small flick of his magic to remove both rumples and bloodstains from the fabric.

"Oho no, mister, you are taking it easy!" Charlie threatens, finger pointing and waggling sternly.

"Yeah, you don't look great... your body at least needs a chance to restock. Magical healing doesn't mean it didn't deplete your energy, just that a little boost tried to get stuff jumpstarted." Vaggie adds, matching the Radio Demon's glare.

The room starts to go dark, as distortion swims freely through the air; no longer constrained by blessed rope and able to use his powers again.

"Yeah, no... not dealing with this." Lucifer rolls his eyes, extends a hand to the sinner's forehead and intones, "Sleep." Expression impassive as the Overlord crumples forwards, almost directly into Lucifer, who is thankfully stronger than his diminuitive form suggests.

As he rises from the floor and hefts the other into his arms, the King can't help but notice the frantic tempo of the other's pulse, visibly beating against that pale throat. Lucifer frowns, sure he'd managed to purge the infection from the Demon, because right now his pulse should be languid in sleep...

...and then a small flicker of movement outside the window catches his eye. A flash of crimson sunlight accidentally alerting the three royals and royal-to-bes of an unexpected voyeur.

"...he's gonna kill us all when he wakes up." Vaggie groans.

Charlie snaps her fingers and the drone shatters, but it's already too late.

-------

Across town, with his eyes wide in horrified awe, Vox finds himself putting a clawed hand atop his thundering heart.

"...fuck."

And wasn't that just the understatement of the day?

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

OKAY. OKAY. WINTERS FAMILY TORMENT NEXUS. as i've said before this is all REALLY vague rough outlines bc i wanted to bounce it all back n forth with u. but. what i have:

>winters family (mark & ashe & fridged mom/wife) live in a location hit by the simurgh

>mark is at work when she arrives. something horrific happens at home. maybe his wife is injured or hurt, but not killed. ashe (7/8/9) triggers. whatever his powers are, they. do Not help heal his mom. in fact the opposite.

>mark tears back home asap instead of leaving as soon as he hears her song, actively choosing to stay in her effect zone for his family. finds newly triggered baby ashe & the rest of that scene.

>theyve spent too long in the affected zone to be allowed to go free, especially since ashe triggered from it. mark nukes his whole past life & ashe's to escape without undergoing all the protocols. he spends ages doing shit work to support him & ashe bc theyre both legally dead, ends up working for overlord, manages to get enough of a fake past to get through cauldron background checks & get powers? it'll pay so much better than the grunt work he's doing now & he has to support ashe (powered)(legally dead)(would probably be executed if anyone Found Out)....

anyway to me the trickster is like. the endgame of this specific simurgh rube goldberg. somehow it doesn't end horrifically, for once! but it gets. bad. the fact that they're simurgh survivors is always looming over their heads. its why mark fucking freaks out when ashe joins the wards. literally have nothing more specific than this though u gotta help me put meat on these bones!!!!! STOP "being responsible" and "doing work" and stuff START thinking incessantly abt nhw ashe!!!!! i don't even know his powers bc i have no clue how he triggered!!!! augh. god. them..... mods torture that blonde man in the most narratively satisfying and fucked up way possible!!!!

QUIT YOUR JOB JOIN MY EMO WARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!! god dude god dude I'm gonna be thinking about this all fucking DAY . who needs to be responsible and have a job. not me!!!! FUCK !!!!!!!! dude im just. thinking abt mark being at work getting the notice to evacuate and starting to hear the song and. bc it's important to me that he's a little bit of a coward. it takes him longer than he will ever admit to decide to go back to his family. he definitely hesitates and hates himself for it because. what if he had gotten there 10 minutes earlier! who fucking knows! he never will!!

god man I'm just thinking about. that scene where they're in the hospital waiting to hear back about noelle and the person (ai?) at the desk is giving them the rundown of all the containment procedures and handing them paperwork and asking them if they can pay for the medical care. how fucked up would that be to hear after you're in the midst of losing everything. mark winters the universes most hated man. I looooooove the satisfaction in thinking about that snap decision where he goes from "relatively normal if a little emotionally repressed but otherwise does his best suburban dad" to "my wife is dead and my son is fucked up and there's this fucking sound in my head that won't go away I'm about to erase everything and break several laws in order to get us out of here" and how that eventually leads into. supervillain. it's just soooooooo. sickos haha yessss the downfall of this fucking miserable blonde guy. when do you think he consciously made that choice. he heard "you're never going to get out of here and live a normal life again" do you think he just . sat with that for a while. ashe unresponsive either due to shock or fear or the trauma of triggering/whatever his powers are and mark just has to sit there. by himself. like what the fuck am I gonna do now. auaghghghghhhh I need 2 make him so miserable forever. fuck that guy i hate his ass (<< me when I lie)

I THINK . I NEED TO SIT FOR A WHILE AND FINISH THESE NEXT COUPLE CHAPTERS AND PROCESS A LITTLE MORE BEFORE I MAKE A SOLID DECISION ON ASHES POWERS. but you knowwwww it's gonna be some fucked up horror shit. it has to be. it has to be something fucked up enough that mark forbids him from using his powers and keeps him . at home isolated for his own good. but not TOO fucked that he wouldn't be able to join the wards.

actually speaking of. HOW THE FUCK DOES HE JOIN THE WARDS. I know mark basically fucking erased their whole identity and everything but. there's noooo way the prt would let this kid join them. right?????? right????. how the hell would that even be a possibility with all the precautions in place for simurgh survivors. THEY EXPLODED THAT ONE CAPE GUYS HEAD BECAUSE HE STAYED IN PROXIMITY FOR A LITTLE BIT TOO LONG. maybe it's unofficial. maybe he never Officially joins them but he sneaks out while mark is gone and meets the boys somewhere and they become friends out of costume first. and then they learn about his powers and ashe is like "I can help!" and helps them like. as a rogue or something. but hes never registered as an official cape. is this anything. im thinking about him so much what the fuuuuuck have we done. what have we done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[xenodile]

Bad news everyone, I might potentially be homeless!

Long story short, around the start of this year, my dad's mental state took a pretty bad turn. I don't know the exact cause, if he's suffering from mental illness, or he's just given up all pretense of being a decent person, but he's more or less made it impossible to live with him.

It started with him coming home early from work and throwing an actual screaming tantrum, saying he can't live with the tension in the house between me and him, because I confessed in October of last year that I delayed coming out as trans because I was afraid of how he would react and what he would do to me. When I explained the laundry list of reasons why I didn't trust or feel safe around him, this made him angrier, denying did anything wrong, blaming me for feeling the wrong way, and demanding I forgive him for the things he didn't do that made my childhood utterly miserable. He essentially gave me an ultimatum of just..."letting go" of all my childhood trauma and giving him no accountability, or being kicked out because he "doesn't deserve" to be held responsible for his actions.

The situation was eventually deescalated, but tension remained in the house, and before long, started to be redirected at my mom. Over the past year, my dad grew increasingly hostile and confrontational about the most trivial things. Berating my mom and calling her names when she didn't drop everything to do what he wanted, calling the police saying that he was in danger after he started a fight that escalated into him screaming, even being in a room with him was stressful because he would all but invent reasons to start shouting.

On top of that, he had begun to actively lie to me and my mom, or perhaps he always lied and we only now caught it. Agreements that only he was privy to, misrepresenting events to pain himself as a victim, claims of who said what that were completely baseless and easily proven wrong, secret stashes of booze after he promised not to drink all year, all in addition to willful emotional manipulation and intimidation tactics. It has reached the point where my mom and I can no longer tell if he's out of touch with reality and thinks what he's saying is true, or if he's willfully malicious and knowingly lying. He's broken all trust either of us ever had in him.

Through it all, my mom and I have tried to urge him whenever we can to seek counseling or psychiatric help because his behavior is unusual and frightening, but he has rebuffed us at every turn, growing increasingly paranoid and hurling accusations at anyone and everyone that doesn't immediately take "his side".

There was no end to it. Every other week was another incident. He'd take my car and my dog hostage because he "didn't feel safe at home" after provoking and yelling at my mom. Any disagreement was turned into a fight. At one point he even threatened suicide when my mom wouldn't get a plane with him to Hawaii.

Things came to a head last week, where after learning that my mom took his name off the title of her car to make sure he didn't sell it out from under her like he did to another family car earlier that year, he got black out drunk and started tearing apart their shared bedroom. He barricaded the door shut and threw heavy objects at the door when my mom knocked to see if he was alright before going unresponsive.

My mom called 911 because she worried he'd hurt himself, and they had to break the door down to reach him. They found him passed out on the floor and barely able to walk after how much he'd had to drink from his secret stash, got him into a gurney and wheeled him out. From here things are a bit more fuzzy, as my mom and I were told he was being taken to a local hospital for care, but learned the next day he'd been transferred to a mental care facility that was two hours drive away after he got physically combative with medical staff.

He was put on a psychiatric hold while he was looked over and made sure he was not an immediate threat to himself or others, and was away for about six days. Yesterday he came home, and talked up how much he wanted to change and wanted to be better, but before 12 hours had passed he was right back to harassing my mom non-stop.

So my mom and I have left the house. We're currently at a motel for a few days while we file the paperwork to get a restraining order and try to figure out where we go from here because it is impossible to live with him. He's paranoid and either delusion or plain old hateful, and we cannot stay under the same roof as him any more.

So that's where I am now. Unsure of how or where things will go. Ideally, my mom and I can get back into our house and my dad can get the help he needs, but it's hard to say at this point.

Safe to say, I won't be streaming in the near future, as my equipment is all back home and I don't wanna try going off my laptop using public wifi. For now, I would ask you keep me in your thoughts, and if there's any advice or recommendations for how to proceed in this situation, I would be happy to hear them.

[pilferingapples]

TOEI Les Miserables (1981, dubbed)

Just finished watching the English-dubbed Toei Les Mis from...1981, apparently , according to the old video warnings about NOT COPYING THIS TAPE , thanks FBI

it's ...well it's Concise, in that it's about an hour and fifteen minutes long

It's also extremely focused on JVJ , to the point that almost nothing he's not directly participating in is ever shown on screen, so that, for instance, JVJ has to be standing there awkwardly in the background while Marius and Cosette make out in the garden. But also he's not there for some things? like Fantine's death, which is announced in this by Javert telling Valjean that SHE'S DEAD, SHE DIED, SHE'S DEAD , DO YOU HEAR ME, DEEEEEAAAD and then bragging about how he called her a whore and told her Madeleine was a liar and threatened her child and killed her with stress while Valjean was gone!??!?!? Maybe he's just got a morbid streak on account of being Edgar allen Poe

(yep, that huge-forehead-having, sideburnless bookworm is Javert!)

Oh yeah, it's Very Dubbed Anime of the Early 80s. My fellow Endstage Cold War US Kids will know what that means in terms of Quality. We are not allowed a moment of silence onscreen, things are wildly overexplained , there's a whole lot of Internal Monologue Voice for the silent scenes with no mouth movement, and the dubbing in the final sequence makes Valjean Live even while the animation is very clear that no he does not.

But on the plus side we DO get Fantine fighting for her own rights, Javert blatantly saying he let her attacker go because HE was a rich person and SHE is a Lowly Poor, a general pro-democracy/ pro-revolution summary of the early 19C in France, Cosette learning that Marius (and. Gillenormand. For Some Reason.) are keeping her from her dad and actively arguing back, and Valjean carrying Marius like this:

Marius btw has a forehead that Hugo should be happy about:

which must be what wins the heart of Space Princess Cosette

who even sort of looks like her mom! Fantine has a wonderful sense of rightful anger and a great design that could easily work for Enjolras too, which is of course ideal:

unfortunately Toei Enjolras looks like This

There is no Eponine. There is no Gavroche. There is no 19th Floor.

There ARE some pretty cool art choices made , though! and there is a link to see it free on Internet Archive , right here!