#my dad calls it “put away.”
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not to complain about my family every day im here but my mom loves to hide peoples' shit or throw it away, and then claim to never have seen it and not know what you're talking about. it really fucked with my perception of reality growing up and now as an adult it just pisses me off!! when something goes missing we All know who did it and we have to pretend it's fine and normal
#my dad calls it “put away.”#when mom “puts something away” it's rarely seen again. and we have to be ok with her claiming to never have seen it#no wonder i hate living with anybody lmao! i Do freak out whenever something isn't where i put it last bc im used to shit just Going Missin#let me tell you something. shit in my apartment is Always somewhere where i can fucking find it. always.
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Thinking about them…
#Dungeon meshi#laios touden#touden family#Toudad and momden#The laifam. The touuu… tou… toudamily? Help idk#Laios holding onto his dad like that after a near death experience after he ran away from his warnings gets to me so bad.#Dad does care dad was so worried and he WOULD stick with u thick and thin he just thinks about ur sake#w momden i also almost put the exorcising Falin thing instead but that wasn’t Laios centric enough#I’ve been writing a laios pov family angst fic lately i’ll be posting it real soon#Gonna be called Push the deciduous out of my gums you’ll know it when u see it#Sigh. Isn’t it neat how the Toudens are scandinavians but Toudad has an interest in myths so he gave his dogs and Laios greek names#That “he never told me anything” panel is prob my fave touden family moment like god what good framing what good hollowness in the delivery#Momden having debilitating anxiety but caring so so much and being overprotective and overdoing it my beloved. Peeking in on them eating#Dad too busy and mom too bedridden to share meals :(#Is the mama reading book pic very tiny and blurry? Yes. Do I have a better resolution of it? No#Could that be a servant peeking in and not their mom? Yes. Do I believe so? No
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a power of peace and healing//your bones run strong
I spent a very long time trying to work out a Stone design and I'm still not settled! I'm sure like my other humanizations of Fallen London entities, I'll come up with a few <3
#blood cw#gore cw#fallen london#fallen london spoilers#whoooo wants to hear my design thoughtsssssss okay so#I colour selected from her art. she's mostly brown but there's a pale peach colour I've chosen to adopt#I think pale orange/pink works well for stone! pastel is like a half colour innit. she's a half judgement. a softer light#she has 'mountain limbs' referenced there's no reason to give her only two#esp since one of her parents is a crab. they're kinda hooved/claws/roots to reflect both her and baz#the outfit and part of the pastels is also that Stone is.... a princess kind of. i wanted to invoke that!#no one would call her this but the idea of 'maiden hidden where she can't be seen secret child of the king' is like. Her#maidens locked away often have pointy hats too. like mountains. solved it. all the neath mysteries. i won#she has cracked and the wound obviously because. folks. stop mining her! stop seeking immortality!! CHILL!!!#she's PROBABLY HAS cursed people but she's overall all ALRIGHT and in a TOUGH SITUATION okay. her dad fucking yeeted her into the dirt#oh she has tears of flint on her face. chose orange eyes bc Remembered Sunlight and blue for the Sky. half-lidded because half-sun.#as the monarch of monsters and princess of Shame I wanted her to look notably Different while not being the biggest deal of the design#you will probably notice the wound before the many odd legs or singular arm. she's way more human than my baz designs too#bc like. ONE WAY you can interpret Stone is to place her in Victorian London. The king has a bastard he is ashamed of at birth and hides he#anyway. other stone ideas are much more garden themed. cat themed. put her in a cat sweater
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Flying a kite with dad, 1999
#there's such a cute story behind this picture#1. my dad desperately wanted pictures of us doing activities together but my mom refused to go anywhere with us OR use a camera#(like. she never went to parks/on bike rides/out to lunch with us etc. because she doesn't like going out)#he kept setting the timer on the camera and then running over and trying to get a good picture of him and I flying a kite together#2. BUT THEN I let too much string out on the kite and it flew away and I was devastated#so he went and called my grandfather and then put my grandfather on the phone with me#and my grandpa told me my unicorn kite came to visit him and that he had her now :) and thanked me for sending her to visit him#such a good wholesome memory
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a tactic of abusive parents that i don't see brought up very often: convincing their victims that child protective services are evil and that foster parents would certainly be even more abusive than their current circumstances
#eliot posts#csa mention#abuse mention#im watching an interview with a cult survivor#and she was talking about how her parents told her that child services would hurt her and put her with abusive foster parents#and i was like HOLY SHIT MY MOTHER DID THAT TOO#my mother always told me that if i got put in foster care i would get beaten and molested#and that if we told anyone about our home life they would ''misunderstand'' and ''incorrectly assume'' we were being abused#and then we'd get taken away by uncaring cps workers and given to evil foster parents#when in reality there would be no ''misunderstandings''. what was going on at home WAS abuse#but until my teen years i was convinced i was lucky#because i only got beaten sometimes and i got access to food and a roof over my head and i never got molested#this is not to say the foster system is perfect. there definitely are flaws in the system and occasional bad incidents#but it's nothing like my mother made it out to be#in fact the main issue with child services in my area that i knew of was that they rarely did much#like a classmate i knew called cps on her dad and they showed up and talked to him and he said she was lying#and when they left he punished her by burning her with a cigarette butt#when we were kids a few times our mother called the cops on our dad cuz they got into a violent fight#she'd tell the cops he was abusing her (though the violence was mutual) but when they showed up she refused to press charges#and a few times the cops SAW me and my sister there and DID NOTHING#like maybe if you get called to this same house multiple times you should investigate what's happening to the kids???#child abuse#abuse#abuse tw#anyway i'm still not 100% sure if that was deliberate manipulation on her part or if it was part of her weird paranoia about everything#but nonetheless it ultimately had the same effect as deliberate manipulation#she refused to get help for her mental illness even though a doctor told her she needed to
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I feel bad for ppl who never had older brothers growing up cause it feels like crucial character development but i also. am very jealous of ppl who didn’t have older brothers or ppl who had only ONE. like damn you guys didnt get tortured for the majority of your early developmental years? lucky
#i think i’ve said before i have a very bad fear of snakes#but i dont think i said why😭#i wanted to play minecraft with my brothers when i was like 5 and they said no but i was 5 so i kept annoying them#and so they wound up chasing me around the house with both of their snakes for like 20 mins#and i hid under my bed so they’d leave me alone bc i was PETRIFIED#and these hoes put both snakes under my bed with me.#i think our dad whooped them right after for being so mean but idk#i know he screamed at them and took away their xbox 360 for the rest of the weekend but#neither if them confirmed nor denied getting their ass beat#and my dad is dead now so i dont think he’ll be much help answering my question#can i call this dor lore?#im calling this dor lore#dor spoken
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once again i am on the playlist lol
#just me hi#my strange brain concoctions back at it again lmfsh#i've been workin on it by bits and bits for the past 2-3ish days and i think i've almost got what i mean hfvbs#yea... mnmnm...#//outta the Lagoons into the Blues !! what a transition hkfshv#i mean i Have found that i actually really really like the shampoo we've been using for like 5 years hghfsv#but also i've had to switch from that one to a different one anyway cuz my hair? is grezy ghfbshv#it Is soft now though which is cool :D cuz the old soap didn't get it quite well and i was using dish soap sometimes to strip it so Lmao#which btw the dish soap worked p well. however it Did feel stripped kgfhsv#/what else what else uuum#i've developed more world stuff for pi.e which is also very epic and neat ; like the 3 Cities + radiation towns + Sanctuary cities +#Sanctuary zones + how they interact w/ each other lol :)#i have these weird lil creatures that i'm calling Rascals rn but i think they need a different name pfshv#and also cuz i made the general world bigger that means i have defined more of the plot just by. scribbling some points for towns on paper#yea :D this thing is maybe just a little bit daunting but i'll prolly get it figured out lol ; roman 3#/oh i Do really wanna draw more pi.e stuff to post hfh :>#cuz despite it all i am still v shy abt my stuff and that's kinda silly so !!#/sometimes my brain gets into these weird paper jams where i'm doing one thing but then i see and wanna do another thing (easy transition ?#but then i see another thing and then another and now i have 4 different things and i feel bad just focusing on just one because. ??? ????#when i was little i used to humanize objects Just before they were thrown away and i think that sort of carried over in a weird way bfhsvgj#balance in all things !! wait no not like that w-#//oh wait wait did i ever mention i learned to make stir fried rice w/ egg#prolly not that big of a deal but i'm STILL happy abt that lol :D#maybe especially cuz i was doing most of the cooking while my picky-cook brother was helping and he thought it was good so like YAY#though tried to make it a second time and i let my ma put the salt in the pot and she oversalted it by Far TwT#it was fine though just really salty lol :)#//mnm also getting into classic vehicles a lil bit#just a bit! cuz i don't know where to start and i just really like that one bike i doodled a bit ago#also i'm a bit spooked that my dad will find out and he is Overwhelming when he finds you might like smth he knows smth abt gfvsgh <3#//Oh i'm outta tag space pfshgv - Toodlesssss ciao :3
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#god i feel so fucking stupid. i left my box with fucking $200 worth of art supplies on the bus tonight#i realized it the fucking moment i got off the bus and the doors closed behind me#i didnt react fast enough to knock on the bus and had to watch it drive away#couldnt even fucking call to say it was lost. have to wait until fucking tomorrow to call and visit the bus center#im sure itll get picked up. i was on the last bus of the night and everything is in a secure box#but im so fucking infuriated with myself. i know how hard it was for my family to pay for these supplies this time#we really dont have the money the kinda money to comfortably put me through school. and its made so much harder since i cant get financial a#we struggled to pay for those supplies but my dad still found a way because he’s happy im actually going to college#i cant fucking believe i let him down tonight. ill never fucking forgive myself even when those materials are back in my house
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does it ever take you by surprise what a small world it is
#for context my bestie told me like three weeks ago that she met this guy that seemed to be into her#she met him while visiting her dad who lives on the whole other side of town like 45 minutes away#then today a friend I’ve only met a few times and have mostly just texted a bit puts me in a group chat#with like friend of hers from various parts of town#who she wants to help her on a project#AND THE GUY IS IN THE GROUP#I didn’t even realize there was a boy in the group until we had to do a group video call and I’m like “A BOY?? 🫨 AN INTRUDER?”#and then he introduces himself and I recognize the name and I ask what part of town everyone is from#AND IT’S HIM#BRO?????#this is a guy I encouraged her to give a chance to and she was like nahhhhh#like. I teased her about him#and then I freakin meet him by a totally different mutual friend#insanity#elly's posts
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God writing that last post was so, so hard.
Rn I feel the weight of every sadness and every bad thing that's happened to me since I was 9 and had my first important pet death
#my brain:#hey remember when your cat died and for years you thought it was your fault?#hey remember when your dog died and then like a week later your childhood best friends told you they never wanted to speak to you again and#how you still have NO idea why?#remember the depression that sent you into and how scared you felt that you could FEEL the happiness going away?#remember how your first suicide attempt was that year?#remember how when you were 15 you suddenly turned trans and also developed severe mental health issues and also your childhood cat died#while you were away so you felt you never got to say goodbye?#and how that same year you got groomed possibly TWICE?#and how that same year you got sexually assaulted in a way that was so weird you assumed no one would beleive you so you just didnt tell#anyone for years?#remember a couple years ago how you got the news you wouldnt graduate and then a month later granny died#and then a few months later your cat died very very painfully in your arms over a period of several hours while you suffered through choice#paralysis because you couldnt decide whether to take her to the far away emergency hospital since that would cause her MORE pain?#remember how you had to seriously consider asking your hunter neighbour to come inside and snap her neck?#remember how a week later your dog (who you got at age 12 to try to feel better about your other dog who just died and to try to stave off#inactivity from depression) had to be put down?#remember how 2 weeks after that your favourite uncle died unexpectedly?#hey remember how last week you got the call that your grand dad died?#thanks brain! i DID need to remember everything that was very helpful
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I love the museum scene from ferris bueller so much not only cause its just great but also cause like everytime i see it i see myself and think about how special that kind of moment is
#i talk abt this often but like cause it impacted me so much#cause like i had the worst experince for my second half of highschool and my dad who also didnt like highschool understood#the importance of like taking the day off abd he'd let me skip and call me in sick and have a ferris bueller day as we called it#cause its a movie we both deeply loved and loved together#and at first id just stay at home in bed not getting up with the movie in the background and like eventually i started to do things w my da#cause my mom didnt know and she couldnt know so id go out and do things so it wasnt noticiable i was home all day#and like id walk around my neighborhood and go to musuem and movies and listen to new music and go to parks and places i hadnt been before#trying to give myself the best day show myself something good and slowly i went from rotting away to being like im taking a stand#im not letting my life unfold around me and i went out and did things i wanted to do and learned about all the things i wanted to#and was actually like involving myself in like what i wanted my future to be i went to plays and art museums and the movies#and when i see that scene i think of john huges commentary and how the museum was a place of refuge for him and so he came back to it#and put it in his movie and allowed it to be thst again and it was for arguably his like magnum opus#and that scene just fills me with such a sense of peace and nostalgia and hope and i cry everytime!#and everytime that movie is in theatres i go and see it and after its all over and i walk out and feel the sun shine on my face#everything for a moment feels like its gonna be okay and i think of my dad and the first time i saw this movie in elementary school#on one of those days he just had off and we took the day off together and how during the moment in my life everyone else was telling me#abt how important school was even when it was killing me he knew that sometimes you just had to take the day off and take it easy#and he let me everytime without questiom cause he knew what it meant and how much it meant to me
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Feeling like I want to give up again...
#now it's my dad who's deciding to be a jerk towards me because he's mad at my mom#okay that's cool I guess#I haven't been feeling well at all today#I can't even distract myself#my dad's being so dramatic too like it's not my fault he's on a break from work but still doing stuff he could probably get out of doing#but he wants to be away from me and my mom so. I get it#he's never at home even when he's supposedly on a break from his job lol#this is how my mom and I know he's lying about retiring#because he's always putting it off#he was supposed to retire this year but nope#if he doesn't have his job he has no excuse to get out of the house and he hates being around us#Goddddd#he is such a fucking hypocrite#getting mad at me over something he has also done before and then saying it was fine when HE did it because it was 'months ago already'#(dropping something except in his case he actually SHATTERED it lmao)#but yeah... me dropping something without breaking it is WORSE than him dropping and actually breaking it...#wow#amazing logic#then my dad keeps complaining about how we don't care. when he's the one who proves over and over again that he's the one who doesn't care#I forget what they're called but he's the parent type who doesn't get involved in anything#he's never stood up for me and he's watching me rot and hurt myself and he's just like 'oh okay as long as it doesn't involve me idc'#he's not fucking stupid like he can tell there's shit clinically wrong with me but not once has he acted like an actual parent towards me#and yeah I'm an adult now but it's still fucked me up so badly#he is such a fucking coward#and selfish#if he could drop me and my mom somehow I know he would at the drop of the hat#but remember he's a coward so. I know he fucking won't#God this is making my urges get bad again#I'm crying 'cause I'm just so fucking pathetic :')
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,
#this is kinda the worst week ever#my partner got a call from their dad saying they have to put down their dog (who’s 14 years old)#then their grandma got pneumonia and passed away in the hospital yesterday#everyone at my job got covid#so I’m working overtime#and someone at work accidentally broke my laptop which I can’t afford to replace bc I’m helping my mom get dental implants#just kinda overwhelmed#I might open up emergency commissions to help out#but yeah what a nightmare
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Okay last post before sleep cuz ngl though I'm not gonna put Conan in p5 simply cuz there's Too Many Things going on with him that I'd have an easier time with Kaito instead which also, can yall see the problem then? Conan and Kaito is similar in that they're both pursuing and being targetted by a dangerous organization, Kaito is at risk a lot more considering how he's practically putting himself out there with his heists as Kaito KID while the times Conan gets in danger is when he tries to get closer to any of his org nemesis' henchmen for evidence, which doesn't happen often.
But despite that Conan has A Lot of reliable allies, Kaito included (not really on the "reliable" part but more on the "ally" part). While Kaito only has Jii-san which is the same guy making the KID gadgets for him and Conan (again not a "reliable" one for Kaito but still an "ally"). And like???????? What about Kaito's other allies? I'm not counting the group Kaito got pulled into by his childhood friend which is a group made to Catch KID and not help 'Kaito.' Like, what kinda allies are that, Aoko only wants to catch the magician thief, Hakuba is... Hakuba (he can be an "ally" but like Conan, not a reliable one), and there's that... witch who never really does anything much to help but give out warnings. (I forgot her name holup... AKAKO! There we go).
Compared to Conan who has like, a lot, and most of em are spoilers so if whoever reading this wanna get into dcmk, feel free to skip. There's Agasa that's the one creating the gadgets for him, Ai who knows his secret and is practically in the same boat as him (since she was a scientist from the org that wanted out yet shrunk too), Heiji which is like his bestie who's a fairly good detective, THE AKAI FAMILY (That entire family is a mf unit bro, there's a FBI sharpshooter, a mom that's a mi6 agent, another highschool detective with skills on par with Conan that knows jeet kune do, a shogi master that's also insanely good at strategizing in general. Like bro, wtf), Furuya Rei aka Amuro Tooru aka Bourbon-- Also a wtf moment there. CONAN HAS PROTECTION FROM VERMOUTH, one of the most important members of that same organization he's pursuing. Vermouth refuses to hurt and especially kill Conan and Ran.
Like, that kid has it all meanwhile Kaito DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE??? The treatment here. So yes, I'm only putting Kaito in p5 cuz he deserves ppl to be there for him if there's barely anyone in his own source material. (Maybe I'd even put Hakuba in p5 too, as a treat, cuz he's also gotten the short end of the stick too). Hakuba can be with Akechi to put some load off his back with the addition of Another thief getting added in their universe except Hakuba is also a menace of his own way so honestly, good luck Akechi.
#aria rants#wai a sec i aint forgettin bout the fact that tho conans parents are also Horrible and mostly#absent from All That is practically going on. when it counts. conan can call em for help and like#his dad is an insanely good detective and his mom is an insanely good actress that also knows#how to do disguises LIKE???? man. i just realized how bad kaito's situation is when put side to side conan's#my guy doesn't even have any reliable allies bro like what he gon do during the big confrontation???#his dad is ASS. his mom doesnt even visit him and is living in ANOTHER COUNTRY#her son is in a deadly situation and shes out there chilling someplace far away like GOD#someone save kaito actually. like tbf... well like no confrontation gonna happen yet#considering that gosho only started to pick up magic kaito again after like so many years#like... maaaaaan. he rlly did get the short end of the stick bro save my son yall#am happy he picked the story up again but also like-- gayum. crossing my fingers this#doesnt turn out into another conan 2.0 or a mini conan 2.0 where it spans on for years#okay this got long and fr did end up as a rant. whys my brain so active whenever im sleepy
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ngl it seems like everything has been going wrong for my dads side of the family these first two months of the year
#my grandads heart tried to fail twice and he had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance and get an operation to get a stent in#my grandmas alzheimers is getting worse and putting mental stress on my grandad and on top of that she was in hospital last week#for what we thought was a stroke but turned out to be a viral infection causing stroke symptoms#and when we went down last week to visit/for the concert we found out that my dads younger brother#who went to look after them when these happened till we could get down for each incident (he lives less than 2 hrs drive away#and we need to take a plane and then long drive to get there) actually had a fall at work#because the construction company he works for doesnt fucking care about their workers. and he hit like three or four things when he came off#the ladder and hit concrete ground and broke a vertebrae and other bones#and nobody! came! FOR FOURTY MINUTES#EVEN THOUGH THEYRE SUPPOSED TO WATCH CAMERAS FOR ACCIDENTA EVERY 2.MINS#he had to CALL THE AMBULANCE HIMSELF and now cant work for like 3 fucking months#so dad has got to help out both parents and his little brother and like fuck dude#can you give my family a break PLEASE
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*vigorously shaking a stick at my brain* stop! feeling! nostalgic! about! our! abusers!
#eliot posts#abuse mention#was baking some cookies and remembered how often we used to bake with our dad#how he had the recipe for chocolate chip cookies memorized and he'd try to quiz me on it but i could never remember like him#making all the cookies like twice as big as the recipe called for#both of us almost always forgetting to set a timer#but learning how to tell when they were done by the smell that would waft through the house#telling the same old story about how his mother would always get distracted like that too#but be able to pull stuff out of the oven in the nick of time because ''it smelled done'' even when she was a couple rooms away#and then nearly burning our mouths because we were too impatient to let the cookies cool#similar memories with peanut butter cookies#or with blackberry or peach cobbler made from fruits him and me and my sister picked together out in the woods/field#but y'know. same dude who nearly stabbed me that one time. so that puts a bit of a damper on it‚ eh?
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