#now hes gone and she has literally nothing to her name (my dad didnt have a lot put away) so now shes dependent on me n my brother

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

its just not fair that my mom has to be completely dependent on me 100% when im barely 20 years old

[zoebeeeeeeeee]

Whoa, first time posting this literally half of it didnt post?????? Anyway.

Ok, i gotta spill about this idea Ive had: Trans!Jaskier being Ciri’s  bio father and Geralt also... the bio... father... Ok yeah whatever but like, heres the low down of what ive thought.  

((and no i dont care that witchers are sterile its my AU i can to what i want))

Jask and Geralt are like, established and fuckin all the time and its great

Eventually Jaskier learns hes pregnant becasue it was bound to happen and Jaskier doesnt know Witchers are supposed to be sterile so he was kinda like, counting down the days basically lmao

Jaskier is about to tell Geralt but then the mountain break up happens and he leaves because if Geralt wants him gone so bad then he wont want a baby either

so fuck Geralt he can raise this baby on his own

also the road is no place for a baby

He has Ciri at his  sister’s home (i mentioned her earlier in a little ficlet but basically shes his younger sister and people like Jaskier who arent afraid of witchers dont come out of happy homes) and he stays for like 6 months before something like, the  abusive father inserts himself into the picture and Jaskier peaces out

So Jaskier does a sort of Academy tour teaching thing where he teaches at one school for a year and goes to another school after  

Jaskier is pretty well established at this point but after this he gets even more established.

Its steady work and Ciri enjoys hanging out in his classes

They  never stay in one city for more then a year because like, Jaskier craves movement at now and he wants to show Ciri the world

Like  they have “their songs” and Jaskier does that thing dads do where they  sing over the song their kid plays on repeat really bad on purpose

Jaskier does do Sandpiper work at the same time as his teaching and uses the schools hes at to move elves and be very low key about everything

But things are still dangerous and Ciri being well known to be Jaskier’s daughter makes her a target and so Jaskier has to tell her “If things sever get bad and you need to leave you need to leave me and find a white hared witcher named Geralt”

They use  songs to queue when its safe for Ciri to come out becasue her dad’s back  and a song to queue when it’s dangerous and she needs to get the fuck  out of there.  

I  imagine Nilfguaard finds Jaskier in one of his classes and they make him go to his and Ciri’s apartment and like, thats when he sings and Ciri runs off and the Nilfguaard and fire fuck ransack the place looking  for her.

Sometimes i imagine that Ciri didnt actually run and this is where she discovers her magic and saves Jaskier form Nilfgaard and theres this whole big thing of her being scared of herself but Jaskeir isnt scared of her becasue hes her dad and its very sweet

sometimes i imagine it where Ciri does run off and she finds Geralt and as soon as they meet she like “we gotta save my dad” and Geralt is like “whoes your dad and why should i care” “My dad’s Jaskier” “oh shit we gotta save your dad”

Geralt doesnt know Ciri is his daughter, Ciri doesnt know Geralt is her dad

something something meeting with Yen something something yen mentions the baby need magic something something Jaskier doesnt tell her about ciri because no way in hell is it going to be his baby something something Geralt goes and rescues Jaskeir from captivity and Yen gets Ciri

Jaskier: “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!” i just really like that line because Yen still needs to get her groove back and we love a protective father who steals a sword form his ex boyfriend just to threaten his ex boyfriends ex girlfriend

Can you imagine how goddamned jealous Yen would be?????

Like, fucking Jaskier, who is supposed to be presenting as a man, has a fucking baby with a witcher, who is supposed to be sterile

and she gets nothing????????

Jealousy overload  and the feeling that Jaskeir and Geralt dont deserve a daughter if they arent even going to take care of her

but the whole thing of Jaskier prepared to take Yens head off on sight thing really makes her think that maybe Jaskeir cares more for Ciri then she thinks

Also,  while Geralt and Jaskier are traveling back to Ciri (or looking for her  or whatever) Jaskier spills that she’s Geralt’s daughter and he  obviously doesn't believe Jaskier and Jaskier is more pissed that Geralt  thought Jaskier would have someone else's baby and push it on Geralt  then anything.

Geralt does the math and gets pissed Jaskier didn’t tell him he was pregnant when the broke up.

This  is a whole big argument that leads to the “GET AWAY FORM MY DAUGHTER” and Geralt looking at her and going “Aw fuck thats my  fuckin kid ain’t it.”  

Geralt sends the two things he loves most in this world to the place he knows the most safty Kaer Morhen and they are greeted and its like nice and all

Vesemir: “Geralt my son i need to talk to you. hey how the fuck did you make that??” “I have no idea i blame the bard”

Jaskier told  Ciri the first night after all three of them were together that Geralt was her dad and said it was up to her  if she wanted to peruse a relationship with Geralt becasue he already  knows and like, “Dad is a title you have to earn, not one you can  demand.”

Ciri does want to see Geralt as a father and  Geralt wants to be a father too but hes also so scared because hes a  witcher and children are supposed to be scared of him

Like father like daughter tho and Ciri isnt scared and Jaskier says it’s ok for her to learn to fight

That’s, like, all i got right now. I think

I  think of this a lot while im driving to and from work. I may add on if i  have anything else but ive tried writing this two or three times and  its just never worked. Feel free to write it if you can becasue i apparently cant.

[unknownwriting]

Summary: childhood friends to lovers with the asl trio hc (modern au!)

Characters: Sabo, Portgas D. Ace, Monkey D. Luffy

Notes: Uhhh...I didn’t just write more Sabo and Ace. 🙈 omg I really can’t get enough of these 2. Lol it was hard to write Luffy but I tried my best 😌

━━☆⌒*.

Sabo

Definitely love at first sight. When he first saw you, he wasn’t sure why, but he loves you. Maybe it the way you smiled, or laughed, or your playful eyes. Whatever it was, Sabo has always like you since you were kids.

now seeing how the world isnt perfect, Sabo had only barely got to know you before he was forced to move away to London (idk why London but Oda said that Sabo was British sooo....🤷🏼‍♀️ and like if you live in London or what not just don’t for the sake of the hc 😌)

Of course before he left he made sure to make a secret email so he could still email you and his brothers. Once he got his phone he did not wait to give you his number and call.

because he still lives over sea (assuming that no one reading this lives in England...) the 2 of you would call and text all the time. Text each other good morning and how y’all slept, text through the day about every little thing, and at night the 2 of you would fall asleep on the phone (I completely forgot about the time difference so just ignore it for this)

I can’t even tell you how many time you had your phone taken up and had Ace to steal it back.

even though the 2 of you couldn’t see each other in person, only being able to call and text didn’t seem to stop you 2. You still told each other everything, sent each other memes on Insta, and called when ever you got a chance.

no don’t think that just because Sabo is over seas, Ace doesn’t know about his crush on you. 100% knows about it and 100% teases you about it. You can’t really get mad at him because if it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t have realized your feelings for Sabo

but with Ace knowing about Sabo crush, he made sure to keep other boys away just because he can. Sabo really didn’t ask for it but he’s still greatful anyways.

and so with any boy that has ever like you being scared away by Ace, in your senior year of highschool (Sabo is 2 years older than you so he had to wait until your senior year) Sabo fianlly came out and told you that he liked you. And surprise, surprise you like him too and as soon as those words left your lips, he dropped everything and booked the next flight. He didn’t even tell you here was flying over till he landed.

you, Ace and Luffy wasted no time and drove right to the air port. You definitely made sure to wear your running shoes because you practically sprinted to one side of the air port to the other. As soon as your eyes landed on the blonde, you jumped straight into his arms and didnt let go for a solid 10 minutes.

with sabo now home, of course y’all throw a huge party. How could you not. Literally everyone’s invited. Garp, Daran (she complains, but she happy and everyone knows it), all the straw hats, most of the whitebeard pirates, even Shanks and his crews shows up even though they hardly know Sabo. It’s just a huge party

the party could’ve gone on for days but Sabo still had to get situated. So once the party ended the 2 of you began to unpack his stuff at your house. He came over with practically nothing so it wasn’t hard. And once that’s was done, the 2 of you began to do a bunch of couple-y shit to make up for the time spent apart.

touch starve, both of you, but most Sabo. Always had to be touching you. Whether it’s holding hands, kisses on the cheek , or just hugging. He feels the need to make up for all the years he was away from you.

and you better be ready for surprise dates, like this man will not stop making you feel loved. And in all honesty you could care less about the dates, simply being with him and being able to hug him after so long is all that you need. It doesn’t take a lot for the 2 of you to feel loved at all but just let Sabo spoil you. If you don’t he’ll practically throw a fit. And plus being smothered in kisses isn’t that bad from time to time

omg I so need a fanfic like that 🤧

Portgas D. Ace

At first Ace came out cold to you, just like he did Luffy. When Ace was a child he didn’t think he deserved to be love so he contuined to stay cold but just like Luffy, you didn’t give up. You tried to make conversation and play with him and sooner or later he did come around to you.

But what really sparked his so called curiosity with you was when Sabo had told you who his dad was and you simply shrugged it off, saying, “his dad has nothing to with Ace. As far as I’m consered he’s dad’s irrelevant at this point.” It was bold for you to say but Ace liked that. From there on out there aways seemed to be a glow that followed you, like a spot light.

Ace knows everything about you, even the things you don’t know. He doesn’t do it to be creepy he just couldn’t stop thinking about you. Ace knows your favorite color that changes every 3 months, how you like your pizza, how you always sleep talk, how you have a bad habit of speaking before you think and how you bite the inside of your cheek when your nervous, and how you dig your nails into your palms when your angry

He’s know you inside out and he really doesn’t mean it in a creepy way. It’s just hard to not watch you when your caught his attention. Now all throughout elementary school and middle school he didn’t think much of it. But once he was a freshmen in highschool and you were a 7th grader, and boys began to take interest in you that’s when he finally figured out: he was in love with you

of course, he had a little help from Sabo. Sabo’s best friends with Ace, how could he not notice? He thought it would be best to let Ace figure out that unknown feeling himself, seeing how Ace’s has never once thought about it. But as soon as Ace was able to figure out his feelings, Sabo was right there ready to help him out

It wasn’t hard, really. You were right by Ace when he slowly came out of his shell thanks to Whitebeard and his crew who took Ace in. And once you saw how lively and happy he got it was hard not to fall in love with him. Now that hard part was trying get together

Thatch was the the one who ended up actually getting you 2 together with the help of Sabo and Koala. Now of course, they waited until your senior year of highschool so things weren’t weird and then the plan was set into motion.

If the 2 of you had to be honest, you don’t even remember how it happened. You 2 just started dating The plan was all over the place, so the 2 of you just decided to tell each other you like them. And then boom, the 2 of you were a couple.

So like everyone always knows this but Ace won’t care of the relationship of the other one doesn’t love back. With his past he needs to know that he is loved, so while he always spoil you in kisses and acts like he is the giver in the relationship, you know well enough that he’s a receiver. You don’t mind at all anyways, seeing the fluster look at his face, is enough for you.

But that doesn’t means he does plan surprise dates, or random gifts. The relationship you 2 have is very balanced, nothing ever feels to overbearing. And I know I say this a lot but dating Ace is the best thing to ever happen

Monkey D. Luffy

Honestly the 2 of you probably met at some random park. You don’t even know how it happened. One minute you playing on the play ground, next thing you know your walking in the woods with a random boy that was about your age.

You couldn’t really complain though, the playground was getting boring and being pulling along for an adventure wasn’t bad. While on the adventure you were able to learn, surprisingly a lot about the boy. But the big take away is that his name is Luffy, he’s got 2 bigger brothers, and is around 7, about 2 years younger than you.

Definitely ended up spending the whole day with him in the woods. Y’all did everything from climbing trees, finding rare beetles, fighting animals, and playing in the ponds. You hardly met this kid yet and yet you had more fun than any other friend you met. By the time y’all headed back it was practically nighttime and, although he probably didn’t do it internationally, Luffy ended up walking you all the way to you house.

Before you could even knock on the door, your parents swung open the door and engulfed you into a crying hug while also scolding you at the same time. They were definitely giving off mixed emotions. From there, Luffy let out a loud laugh and ran off, waving by to his new friend. From that day forwards, you seemed to always be caught up in some mess with him. Y’all would meet at the park, at school, at stores, just any place where the 2 of you could have any type of fun.

This went on for a while, the 2 of you would adventure off to the woods, until Luffy’s brothers began to ask who you were. That’s when Luffy finally decided to take you to his house. It’s not that he didn’t want to take you before it’s just that he thought it would be more fun to go other places. But once Luffy brought you to his house, Dadan, the lady you learned who was taking care of them, practically had a heart attack. Seeing anything kid was the last thing she wanted. You had to tell her like 10 times that you were just here to hang out with Luffy. 

It’s not like it mattered though, you were already with him so it was really like Dadan had to take care of you. But just like the other boys she definitely came around to like you. And of course, Ace and Sabo came around to like you. How could they not? It wasn’t everyday that a girl would hang out with them. Whether or not he wants to admit it, Sabo had a small crush on you. But it didn’t last long after seeing your relationship with Luffy.

The think about Luffy is that he’s not gonna know he has a crush or even realize it on his own. He doesn’t really care that much. He knows all about dating and love and the birds and the bees, he just doesn’t care as much. So Luffy didn’t notice his crush on you until you brought it up. And even once you brought it up, not much changed between you 2. Not because he doesn’t like you he just doesn’t see what’s the difference between being friends and dating.

You ended up telling him you liked him early on but you didn’t want to actually get into anything until high school. So you waited until sophomore year then you asked Luffy to date you. Of course he got a push from Ace and Sabo but Luffy was gonna say yes anyways. And thus, the 2 of you began dating.

Dating Luffy is kinda a challenge. He not one to pick up on the little things or signals, so most of the time you have to tell him straight forwards. Whether you want a kiss, a hug, or to go on a date. Although the 2 of you are dating, Luffy acts how he was before beacuse he doesn’t see how the relationship changed much. He doesn’t do it to hurt or upset you, it’s just how he sees it.

And although you have to tell Luffy what you want most of the time. Dating Luffy is surprisingly easy, too. Depending on what it is, Luffy could either be a challenge or not. Beacuse you have to tell Luffy everything communication is really strong between the 2 of you. The both of you also trust each other very much. Because Luffy doesn’t just build relationships with anyone. Once the relationship starts though, you can expect him to be very trustworthy and reliable. Luffy adores all the friendships he makes, so he’ll never befriend someone who he doesn’t trust.

[sharknadoslutt]

Not that I ever wanted to watch it because of the era it plays in, but what was so awful about Star Wars resistance?

Oh Okay this ask got me GOING so Welcome to my Tedtalk on my feelings on Star Wars Resistance; a story of Disappointment.

So Mr. Dave Filoni, the story telling Prince, left the show like halfway through production of the first season for other projects (For TCW season 7 and The Mandalorian). This left what was a promising show with characters Dave himself had created, in the hands of very inexperienced story board artist and writers. Personally, I think they panicked and half assed it so that Disney could make money on toys. Because.. idk. It just doesn't even come close to the emotional story arcs that TCW and Rebels gave us. and that's what Star Wars is supposed to be about. Changing for the better. Hope or some shit, am I right?

What was most disappointing in my opinion.. is that the protagonist, Kazudo Xiono, is UNBEARABLE. He is the EMBODIEMENT of privilege. This punk has had everything handed down to him from the moment he was born. He was born like 14 years after the Empire has been brought down and the New Republic reigns, so he has never known war. AND HIS DADDY IS THE SENATOR OF HOSNIAN PRIME FOR FUCKS SAKE! THE CAPITOL????? WHERE THE SENATE IS???? YOU KNOW HOW RICH THAT MUST MAKE HIs FaMiLY??? His dad literally gives him an allowance even though he is a grown ass man in the military when the show starts.

To put things into perspective for those not up to date on Sequel Era Lore and I envy you greatly tbh bcs not to be that person i do not like the sequels that's the equivalent of being the Senator of Coruscant in the Prequels!!!!

Not to mention he is a BUMBLING idiot. Like. This man has ADHD on steroids. As a person with ADHD it's.. lord, it's cringe. He is clumsy. He is loud. He says inappropriate things at the wrong time. He doesn't know how to do anything for himself. AND HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE UNDER COVER AS A MECHANIC???? HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT MECHANICS and really doesn't really learn anything about it by the time the show ends. And don't come at me saying this is a kids show so I cant complain about things being silly bcs I'm not the target audience. I can and I will bcs no one was NEARLY this obnoxious in TCW or Rebels. Kaz is Jarjar Level, but I ACTUALLY LIKE JARJAR!

DUDE IS A DAMN SPY HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE GO BY AN ALLIAS!!! HE DEADASS USES HIS REAL FULL NAME. BCS KAZ IS AN IDIOT.

I'm not saying he isn't a good person. Kaz is very sweet tbh. He's just an unknowing spoiled ass man-child who NEVER REALLY DEVELOPS INTO ANYTHING ELSE?????

It would be okay if he entered the show like this and exited a more mature, capable man. But he really doesn't. There are never any consequences for his actions. Ever. Other than when he becomes a spy and, again, IS USING HIS REAL LEGAL NAME as a spy for the Resistance... to avoid a scandal and to scold him for LITERALLY DESERTING THE NAVY his daddy cuts him off from his allowance. So instead of half assing his cover job as a mechanic, Kaz has to actually apply himself so he can make money for food. He doesn't improve much. His co-workers (Who are MUCH more interesting than him) constantly complain about him messing things up and making their jobs more difficult.

Man, FUCK KAZ. MY HOMIES HATE KAZ. BEING HOT CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR!!!!!

At the Season one finale there is a moment where you think he is finally going to grow as a man! Grow into the protagonist we deserve! Tragedy, for the first time in his life, strikes Kaz! It's during the events of episode 7, when The First Order blows up Hosnian Prime. His home planet. Where his FATHER LIVES. He has a moment of humanity and he is devastated. He almost cries. But he sucks it up to finish the mission and get his friends off base for their safety. He is a man now. and the audience feels a sense of comradery for Kaz. After all, Star Wars is about Fathers. Kaz has lost his father forever. His father was KILLED by the First Order. He now, first hand, has experienced real loss for the first time and this is going to help him grow and toughen up. he has to live on his own now. Our hero has a reason to be doing what he's doing. Fighting against the first order.

BUT NAH. FAM. then the very next fucking EPISODE YOU FIND OUT HIS DAD IS FUCKING ALIVE AND THAT HE DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPEIRENCE THE LOSS THAT HE HAD THOUGHT, AND HE GOES RIGHT BACK TO BEING HIS GOOFY ASS CHILDISH SELF. NO. I HATED THAT. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR GROWTH. MAN FUCK RESISTANCE.

FUCK. IF ANYONE DESERVED THEIR FATHER TO LIVE THROUGH A DAMN PLANETORY DESTRUCTION IT WAS MY GIRL LEIA, NOT FUCKING KAZUDO THE CLOWN XIONO. FUCK. guys I'm sorry I just really hate this god damn character.

Like. Lemme break it down, folks.

TCW started and Ahsoka enters. I HATED Ahsoka for a long time. Bcs she was young, cocky and annoying. But that was on purpose. Narratively, she experiences loss, she experiences pain and GROws as a character while navigating her Jedi life during the war. Our girl grows into the capable protagonist that we EXPECT out of a Star Wars story.

Same for Rebels. We meet Ezra, and he's not quite as annoying as Ahsoka was at first in my opinion (I cannot stress how much I did not care for Ahsoka yall) but he was young. He was childish. But he was more capable at 14 than fucking Kaz was at 20. By the end of Rebels, not only is he more wise and capable, but he is selfless. He has found his own path and it's only because of what he has gone through. His journey has made him stronger. Ezra is my favorite Star Wars journey, if I'm being honest. He is the perfect example of character development.

KAZUDO XIONO ENTERS SEASON ONE AS A 20 YEAR OLD MAN-CHILD USING DADDY'S MONEY WHO IS LOUD AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN THE STFU... AND EXITS THE FINALE... AS A LOUD MAN-CHILD WHO CAN NOW USE TOOLS. He doesn't' experience REAL FAMILIAL loss. He doesn't really experience a lot of character development at all. Things just happen around him, he helps, but he doesn't learn. He doesn't grow. I fucking hate that.

Literally every single character in the show BESIDEs Kaz is more interesting than him. and EXPEIRENCE CHARACTER GROWTH!!!

Jarek Yeager, Kaz's boss in the mechanic shop, was in the Rebellion and LOST HIS FAMILY. He is a sexy ass man too. HE starts the show not wanting to help the Resistance at all bcs he's experienced loss since his days in the Rebellion, and his heart is hard and he's comfortable. By the end of the show he is risking not just his career, but his VERY LIFE to help the Resistance.

Tam Ryvora, Kaz's co-worker. Daughter figure to Yeager and a total bad ass woman of color. She is the one on the show who experiences the most character development and struggles to find her identity while the First Order is taking over the galaxy. I LOVE her.

There are these 2 kids who are force sensitive and orphaned after Kylo Ren comits GENOCIDE on their planet. This arc set up is never fully addressed nor does it have a conclusion, like most story arcs on this show tbh.

There's a literal witch for some reason??

There's this fucking rad ass sexy Mirilian Pirate girl named Synara who FOR SOME REASON is suggested to be Kaz's love interest. Gross. Girl, you gay. Move in.

I could go on and on and on. But I wont. Fuck this show. Fuck Kaz. It literally adds NOTHING to the bigger Star Wars lore. TCW and Rebels do this beautifully and this show is a hot mess of ideas and characters that never come to a satisfying story telling conclusion.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk, dont watch Resistance.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

[thesaunatest]

MY HUGE THEORY ON EL’S PLOTLINE IN S4

before you guys even start, YES I know that 99.9% of what I say is going to be wrong but this is literally just for fun.

its march 1986, middle of the school year and el HATES school

when we left her she was barely literate and had just started getting accostomed to speaking full sentences, NOWHERE NEAR a 9th grade level, so shes struggling in her classes to say the least

on top of that, she barely knows how to socialize with other people, so shes evidently getting picked on

with joyce and jonathan both working to keep the family afloat, will and el get left alone alot

but outside of the party, they socially have nothing in common

in fact, will is adapting to the new town a whole lot better than el. he fit right in with all the creative kids he met in class, but el didnt mesh with that crowd

anyway, our girl is sturggling

the only time she really has fun is when she visits hawkins, or when someone from the party visits them

which leads us to spring break

mike obviously comes to visit, and el doesnt want them to waste a single second so she begs mike and will to come explore the town with her

at this point joyce is already in her detective mode, hatching a rescue plan for hopper so she doesnt notice theyre gone

and jonathan is battling the heartbreak of nancy ghosting him when she was supposed to come visit

so the trio goes off on an adventure without anyone noticing.......... or so they think

because brenner is back, and he knows el is with the byers, but he cant go and snatch her because he doesnt have the resources all the way in california

in fact, he doesnt have the resources at all. his numbers experiment is seen as a catastrophic failure that lead to the deaths of hundreds of lab employees

the only way for him to redeem himself in the community, and gain his funding back is to present his peers with proof that the project can work, so he needs to get one of his numbers back

el is the only one he can track down, but he doesnt think he can do it himself. if she saw him, she could just kill him with her powers, he assumes because he doesnt know she lost them

so who does he employ to get el back to hawkins? lonnie byers

its almost too easy. it doesnt take much to bribe lonnie, and hey, its not like its his kid. so lonnie accepts the bribe, and goes all the way out to california to find el

he shows up at the byers house..... only to find it completely deserted. so he waits

and the trio finds him there after their day out (why are you here? what do you want? where are mom and jonathan?)

and lonnie, being as crafty as he is, comes up with a good excuse on the fly (hes craftier than i am because i genuinely have no idea what he would say)

anyway, he gets them in his car and on their way back to hawkins

jonathan shows up after theyve already left, and is too stoned tired to think anything of the empty house

and joyce is already halfway to russia

will knows his father. he knows that his father doesnt give a shit about him, the family, or anything about hawkins. he knows that his father wouldnt get involved in anything unless he had something to gain. so hes wraking his brain

maybe.... lonnie pulls over to take a suspicious phone call? maybe will figures out an inconsistency in his story? either way, the gang is onto lonnie and figures that they gotta get away from him and get back to joyce and jonathan

they tuck and roll out of the car. idk. all that matters is that they get out of there

as theyre rolling out of the car, el bonks her head a little and has a quick flashback to her time in the lab

since her intuition is always spot on, she takes this as a cue the breener is back and lonnie is working for him

she tells the boys it isnt safe to go back to california or hawkins, so they come up w an alternative plan, somewhere neither brenner nor lonnie would think to look for them

and while theyre on the road, they stop at a diner to eat (dont ask me where they got the money) and we get will leaving an emotional voicemail home, probably sobbing to jonathan about how much he means to will, which gives el an idea

because who has the resources to help her, as well as a desire for vengeance on brenner? kali

el uses her superb hitchiking skills to get them to chicago

maybe she just has some hints of her powers left, but it isnt too hard for el to find kali

she explains everything thats happened, and lets kali know that if she want revenge, the opportunity is hers

unfortunately, lonnie was hot on their trail, and called for reinforcements

theyre ambushed by the few employees brenner has working for him. initially, everyone is hiding, assisted by kali’s powers

but el knows they arent leaving empty handed, and would rather get taken away then have kali’s freedom taken from her

so el reveals herself, followed by mike because he wont leave her, followed by will because he wont leave mike

all three get taken away, back to hawkins lab, but now kali is even more motivated to bring down the lab once and for all

so kali and her gang get to hawkins, almost simultaniously with jonathan, who has been looking for his family in a frenzy since the morning he woke up to find eveyone gone, without even a note or a phone call, as well as argyle, who came along for the ride

the video store is being used as home base this season, so thats the first place they go, where they find steve, shortstaffed and not knowing whats going on because the whole team ditched him

they catch him up to speed on how EVERYONES GONE and steve catches them up to speed on how EVERYONE IS GETTING MURDERED

meanwhile, brenner has three predicaments

1) no matter what he does to el, what kind of torture he inflicts, she isnt using her powers because she doesnt have them. she tells him this several times. he refuses to believe it

2) lonnie byers is demanding his payment, which he didnt recieve because the deal was that he bring el to them, and he couldnt even do that

3) he has to find a way to dispose of mike and will, who he had no intention of bringing into the lab but theyre here and they know everything

and this is the moment where mike screws up by letting them know that people know theyre in the lab and people know about all the experiments and any second now, someones gonna come banging that door down to save us. nancy, jonathan, steve, robin max, lucas, dustin, kali-

and the second mike says her name he knows he screwed up

brenner decides in that moment that all he can do is round up everyone involved and get rid of them. conveniently, the string of murders occurring will serve as a good cover for what happened to them

and this is the part where joyce, murray, and hopper get back to hawkins

this is also the part where nancy and robin and the gang get back to hawkins

so nancy and robin immediately go to the video store armed with all the new information they learned from victor creel

..... and are met with jonathan, argyle, kali, and steve in pandemonium

they close the store for the day, and get ready to storm the lab

they realize that they need something from the school, so they head there to pick it up

and soon after arriving, theyre met with the all to familiar hawkins lab vans

they make a hasty escape, taking out some of the goons but they need to find a way to get the rest off their trail

they head for the woods, hoping to hide out in the cabin

meanwhile, the russia crew has taken the mostly demolished cabin as their haven to recover from whatever injuries they sustained

theyre all running through the woods, but they realize the people from the lab are closing in on them

and then nancy and jonathan pass a very familiar tree

they use whatever weapon they have on them to break through the bark, and head into the upside down

the lab people keep going into the woods, eventually finding hopper’s cabin

epic showdown between the russia crew and the lab people, joyce, murray and hopper win, they realize the lab is back, immediately head there realizing theyre gonna have to rescue someone

nancy and robin use the info they learned from victor creel to keep the gang alive in the upside down, max, argyle and eddie are freaking out because omg we’re in another dimention, we get some big reveal about the truth about the upside down and the gang makes their way out and head to the lab

and while this is all happening,we get some super emotional monologue between brenner and el (ala-the last 10 minutes of the truman show) and brenner realizes that el isnt going to be the naieve superweapn she used to be, and decides the best thing he can do with el is give her the standard punishment, time in the closet

and being in the closet triggers all sorts of flashbacks and emotions (mbb’s opportunity to show off her acting chops for an emmy)

joyce and hopper bust into the lab like they did in season 1, but this time they dont get caught

they decide to split up to cover more ground, and hopper finds el in the closet

and around the same time joyce finds mike and will and gets them out of there

here comes the REAL emotional performance

hopper sees her, we get a teary eyed “el!” “dad!”, and then hopper gets pulled away from el by lab workers

exactly the same way terry did

we’re watching this happen from el’s perspective, with a heart-wrenching “noooooooooo” from el, accompanied by cuts to every time el has had to be separated from someone she cares about (terry, the s1 ending, billy dying, her leaving kali in s2, saying goodbye to everyone on moving day, her being separated from mike and will when they got to the lab) accompanied by some terribly sad 80s song, then back to the present moment, she reaches her hand out and boom, the guards go flying. her powers are back

except she doesnt have control of them the way she did before, and now shes bringing the whole building down

her and hopper race to the the first floor, and meet joyce and the boys, they get out of the building at the very last second, and the whole thing collapses.

eventually they find the other group, the whole team is now together, they go and take down the big bad from the upside down, joyce almost KILLS lonnie

nancy and robin drop a huge bombshell that has to do with hawkins/the upside down, specifically pertaining to el, which they pieced together after talking to victor creel

we get a massive cliffhanger, season 5 starts like 10 minutes after the ending of season 4

[itsthwippingtime]

so on Thanksgiving i saw Frozen 2 and it was AMAZING and I've only just now had the time and energy to finish my thoughts on the movie and share it with y'all so here it is. Disclaimer: Sorry for how long it is

!!!!! MAJOR FROZEN 2 SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!!!!

first, baby anna and elsa???? I’m dead

thjkhsdhjk the story they came up with is literally how every child played with barbie dolls and doll houses

(children are so dramatic also why did we all have the same childhood)

oooh mystery about the past 

their dad is so dramatic now i know where Anna and Elsa get it from

four spirits: Earth Wind Air Water how original

(everything changed when the fire nation attacked)

(okay but while their dad was telling the story about the northedral (???) i was totaling believing this is where Elsa got her powers from)

THEIR DAD WAS SAVED BY THE VOICE

(but Elsa was born with powers so her mom is totally magical)

where the nORTH WIND MEEEEETS THE SEEEAAAAA

i love their mom omg i love this song also

(okay but at this point i was like??? did their mom save their dad)

ELSA IN PURPLE I LOVE HER

Elsa being startled and sticking herself to the railing with ice is comedic gold

ANNA’S HAIR I LOVE IT

why is Olaf’s never-ending existential crisis the most relatable thing in this movie 

also i love this song about things never changing

hi the line about a stone wall never falling??? FORESHADOWING

KRISTOFF LOVES HER I LOVE HIM HE IS SO PURE

HE HAS A RING

Elsa singing about being afraid of change but seizing the day?? CHARACTER GROWTH 

Arendelle flag will always fly??? FORESHADOWING

family game night??? i fucking love it

Olaf shouldn’t be allowed to play charades that way Anna is right

but Olaf imitating Elsa??? iconic

Elsa playing charades is me playing charades

THE VOICE

TELL ANNA ELSA

oooh Kristof honey don’t,, don’t do it like that,,, honey

if Elsa is comforted by their mom’s scarf where was their mom’s scarf in the first movie??

Anna singing Elsa to sleep????? so pure

THE VOICE (AGAIN!)

INTO THE UNKNOOOOOWWWWWWWN

i love this song

‘Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls’ so she loves Kristof???? good me too

where does Kristof sleep?

THE SPIRITS!!! HER ICE IS SHOWING HER THE SPIRITS RIGHT????

oh its the part with the ice suspended in air from the trailer

EARTH AIR FIRE AND WATER 

so um the fire went out and its windy and they’re going to the cliffs???? okay???

ummm Elsa did you awake the spirits on purpose??? did you know what you were doing?? you never said it was an accident????

Elsa you cant go alone you’re team has to go with you or else its not much of a movie now is it Elsa. don’t be selfish share some screen time

i just love their outfits so much i want to be a princess in Norway please and thanks

Olaf and his fun facts are literally me

ELSA’S ICE CASTLE THERE SHE IS i wonder if they ever go there. is it a vacation home

water has memory FORESHADOWING

‘Elsa and Olaf are asleep,,, whatcha wanna do?’ UM WHAT

’Sven, keep us steady’ UMMMMM WHAT

THIS IS A PG MOVIE I WAS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE NEXT TO MY TEN YEAR OLD COUSIN THANKS DISNEY

oh Kristof honey

oh no Anna he didnt mean it like that

Kristof stop just stop

ooooh the voice is back

‘Kristof stop’ ‘Good idea’ I’m dead

i don’t really remember what happens in between them stopping and them finding the mist if anything but THE MIST

oooh they’re locked in. nice

okay so wind. thats fun.

the wind spirit is v smart because she knows which one is Elsa 

her name is Gale and i love her

hello water has memory

their father being saved by a young girl??? it’s their mom

okay so the northuldra (i googled it) begin to attack? or advance at least

ARENDELLE GUARDS

okay but lieutenant whats his name can get it

they’re frenemies

Olaf’s recap of the first Frozen is comedic gold i want him and Luis from Ant-Man to get together

i don’t really remember what happens at this part but: Elsa and Anna learn that their mom saved their dad (CALLED IT), their mom is northuldra (KINDA CALLED IT) and everyones been trapped in the mist since their grandfather was killed

(which that story is fishy but i don’t think king Elsa & Anna’s dad would lie so????)

OH WAIT FIRE SPIRIT HAPPENED BEFORE ELSA AND ANNA LEARNED ABOUT THEIR MOM

AND OLAF’S SONG OMG

samantha?

(that part was so simple yet so funny omfg)

olaf: “this will all make sense when i am older” all the adults in the room: :/

also notice how Elsa is mindful enough to keep the fire spirit away from the northuldra’s homes??? like i love her???

I LOVE HIM i think his name is Brunie but i don’t know how the people at the Disney Store came to that conclusion 

oh also Kristof and Sven run in to save the reindeer but Anna is only worried about Elsa??? idk maybe she knows Kristof can take care of himself and knows that Kristof knows when it becomes too dangerous but Elsa is going to try to stop the threat until she physically can’t and at that point it may be too late okay i get it

(okay but if they’ve been trapped and nothing can get in or out what do they eat??? like theres a lot more northuldra than arendelle guards so do they have designated areas they’re allowed to go in?? what do they do with the people who died?? probably bury them)

(also some if them are born in there and they’ve been in for decades so a generation maybe the beginning of the next one but how many of them are related????)

Kristof has a new friend and I’m so glad they’re not fighting over Anna

(take that toxic masculinity)

HES GONNA HELP HIM PROPOSE I LOVE IT

Reindeers are better than people (cont’d.)

the following are my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

that guitar riff (?) at the very beginning? sexy

“you had to go and of course its always fine”

because Kristof loves Anna and knows that Anna loves him and they can do different things and still be in love and he doesn’t have to constantly be over her and controlling what she does

(take that toxic masculinity part TWO)

OKAY BUT Kristof saying its fine while simultaneously worrying that he’s losing Anna is absolutely breaking my heart

NORTH IS SOUTH RIGHT IS LEFT WHEN YOU’RE GONE

Kristof: “and i don’t know what path you are on” me: :((((

I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A QUESTION OF WHETHER

WHO AM I???? IF IM NOT YOUR GUUUYYY?????

WHERE AM I???? IF WE’RE NOT TOGETHEEEERRRRRRR??????? FOREEEEVVVVVEEEEEERRRRRR

NOW I KNOW YOU’RE MY TRUE NORTH CAUSE I AM LOST IN THE WOODS

UP IS DOWN DAY IS NIGHT WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE

YOU’RE MY ONLY LANDMARK SO IM LOST IN THE WOODS

WONDERING IF YOU STILL CARE

BUT ILL WAIT FOR A SIGN

(FOR A SIGN) 

(peep the Queen reference)

THAT I’M YOUR PATH CAUSE YOU ARE MIN

UNTIL THEN IM LOST IN THE WOODS

this concludes my favorite parts/lines from Lost In The Woods

every time i type Lost In The Woods I wanna type Lost Into The Woods

okay SO

Olaf doing the siren call with Elsa is comedic gold

THEIR PARENTS SHIP OH MY GOD

peep Olaf with that gruesome “maybe there was nobody on board” when they asked how the ship was able to get through the mist

peep Olaf with the “why didn’t they just make the whole ship waterproof” 

THEY WERE GOING TO FIND WHERE THE NORTH WIND MEETS THE SEA THE RIVER FILLED WITH MEMORIES

THEY WERE GOING FOR ELSA

WATER HAS MEMORY BITCH

ELSA BBY ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

LISTEN TO ANNA YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR CHOICES

so they go to the river

(low-key thought that was their goal the whole time but its fine)

ELSA!!! ANNA AND OLAF HAVE TO GO WITH YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING

if Disney doesn’t make the ice-canoe part of the Frozen Ride in Epcot in some way shape or form i will be deeply disappointed

uh oh rock giants

oh waterfall

cave

thats fun

ah Olaf always the optimist

(but where did Anna get flint?)

Anna’s hair??? i love it

oooh Elsa on the beach

she can’t get her shoes or coat wet i understand

PONYTAIL?????

GO BITCH

YAAASSS QUEEN USE THOSE ICE POWERS

oh shit that water horse is trying to drown her

what the fuck he’s actually trying to drown her

AH SHIT ITS ELSA’S WATER HORSE NOW

YAAASSSS BITCH

sdahjhdskjhdsjk

ITS A GLACIER BECAUSE WHY FUCKING NOT

every inch of me is trembling

SHOOWW YOURSELLLF

ELSA HAS A DUET WIHT HER MOMN

IM FINE

ELSASN IS TBHE FIFHT SPRIT

THE BRIDGE

ELSA’S NEW OUTFIT AND HER HAIR I WANT

WATER HAS MEMORY

Elsa destroyed Han’s memory I’m dead

OH SHIT KING RICHARD (Elsa & Anna’s grandfather, i don’t remember his name)

KING RICHARD IS AFRAID YAASSS QUEEN TELL HIM ELSA

WAIT ELSA

GO TO FAR AND YOULL BE DROWNED 

ELSA WAIT

oh shit she jumped

OH SHIT SHES COLD BUT THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED HER ANYWAY

OH SHIT KING RICHARD KILLING THAT GUY FOR NO REASON

OH SHIT ELSA’S FROZEN

BUT SHE SHOT OUT ONE LAST ICE THINGY

we now return to this episode of Olaf and Anna Alone In A Dimly Lit Area With A Little Bit Of Fire

YAASSS ANNA GOT THE MESSAGE

BREAK THE DAMN

but Arendelle

OLAF

why isn’t that when Olaf and Anna are alone one of them is always dying

now i understand the no context memes featuring spider-man from Infinity War

okay so you’re telling me that Anna learned that her sister is frozen (pun intended) and Olaf dies in her arm and she still finds the energy to save Arendelle/the forest???

GO ANNA YOU GO GIRL ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT

DISNEY CAN’T KILL ELSA AND OLAF THEY’D LOOSE TOO MUCH MONEY 

oh shit the rock giants

KRISTOF TO THE RESCUE

AND SVEN OF COURSE

WHAT DO YOU NEED I LOVE HIM

THEY BROKE THE DAMN

OH NO ANNA DONT FALL

ANNA GET OUT OF THERE

LIEUTENANT WHATS HIS NAME AND KRISTOF SAVE ANNA TOGETHERDSKJAD

ELSA AND THE WATER HROSE THEY SAVE ARENDELLE SYDJHASDJKFHSDA

the Arendelle citizens literally are so hilarious to me all they know is: the spirits are mad and all the heirs to their thrones went on a dangerous journey to save their kingdom, with no guards to protect them, then a tidal wave comes rushing towards their homes and suddenly their Queen who has always been quiet, modest, and reserved comes riding in on a fucking water horse in a boss ass outfit with her hair down and saves the kingdom. like???? imagine being on that cliff??? and all they do is clap???? I’m so dead

poor Anna :((( but Kristof is doing his best to comfort him like i love him

ELSA GO TO HER ANNA GO 

THEY’RE CRYING CAUSE THEYRE SO HAPPY KJDASDHSJKHFJKSAD

ARENDELLE IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

OLAF IS SAVED ANNA ITS OKAY

KRISTOF PROPOSED IN THE DORKIEST WAY BUT ANNA’S REACTION WAS THE CUTEST I LOVE IT

(WATER HAS MEMORY)

ELSA STAYS AND ANNA IS QUEEN

CUT TO ANNA’S CORONATION AND THE NEW STATUE AND THE ENCHANTED FOREST IS ICE NOW AND ELSA HAS A WATER/ICE HORSE AND GALE HELPS ANNA AND ELSA COMMUNICATE AND THE ROCK GIANTS ARE NICE AND BRUNIE IS STILL THE CUTEST AND ANNA AND ELSA STILL HAVE FAMILY GAME NIGHT

(okay but did anyone else find it odd that Elsa didn’t go to Anna’s coronation)

(also the Northudral are just totally fine with living in ice and snow and cold now too??? idk i guess Elsa asked first but whatever its not like they can say much she’s the fifth spirit so)

Olaf wearing clothes has me dead

Anna: tells Kristof she likes him “better in leather” me: when does he wear… leather :O (Anna’s freaky yo)

final thoughts: Amazing movie, the constant shade of Hans was absolute gold, Kristof is so pure, Anna and Elsa’s relationship is so amazing, everyone’s character growth is absolutely amazing

if you read all of this, bless you child I’m so sorry it was so long

[xoxonawalwrites]

My stomach growled at me. I wish i had some money in my pocket. It is ironic to me for even say pocket when mine barely even meets the characteristics of one. it was just a bare string of thread holding the ripped holes together.  Nevertheless, I  still rummaged threw it like a thief rummaging for valuables. Nothing.

I smelt a mouth-watering aroma. My body reacted to this by secreting saliva .The poor thing! It really thinks i was about to eat food.All i  could do was swish  the saliva around  in my mouth hydrating the dry patches on my tongue . I guess it was extremely malnourished so any chance it could smell food of any kind it was preparing  for me to get it and eat it. The big question is should I?

I whizzed through the kitchen’s door as i heard large shoes clunking behind me at a fast pace.

‘‘You think you can do a scarper again!’’ Bellowed the obese shop owner.

God had heard my prayers. The oversized shop owner had become worn out.  As i  heard him taking large deep breaths not far away.His face looked like a freshly picked tomato with all of the redness concentrated  on the apples of his cheeks.

‘‘ i’ll catch you next time you little imp from hell !’‘ he said with a hoarse voice as he was still taking in deep breaths. I was suprised he hadnt died or had his first heart attack with all that layers of of skin taking a toll on his body.

A  smile of joy popped up on my face running from ear to ear.I jumped up and down with glee. My fiery red hair bobbed up and down like children playing bobbing apples bobbing their heads in and out of the water. I held the juicy roast beef in my hand with the succulent juice running between my bony stick fingers. I stopped and took a huge sigh of relief while intenesly sucking the mouth watering juice out of the meat like a vampire sucking the blood out of its prey.

I said to myself i get to live just one another day. While feasting on my stolen meat.

‘‘ Corsen Corsen!’‘

i did a full turn. Twisting my stick like neck looking around for the person who called me. Unfortunately, for my suprise the sound echoed from an eerie alleyway. I knew what this meant.

You see everyone has their own secrets. Secrets hidden deep down in their soul which they dont utter to a single living being.I have done acts which are horrible.Not even my so called ‘parents’ know about it.I have  dark unspeakable secrets.Forbidden secrets that i have done to merely get by. 

Yes, i know what is running through your mind. I mean i had to find money for food somehow. i wasnt proud of it but i still did it anyways. luckily, i came to my senses and knew that i had dreams i wanted to persue and didnt want to land up in jail before i was eighteen.

As soon as i saw him literal smoke steamed out of my ears,my face turned crimson red. i didnt even think. i used my puny weak fist and puched right in the nose. His nose was already crooked and stuck out like a proud peacock but i think i went too far. Okay i know i went to far. i broke his nose.

Blood gushed out of his nose like a flowing tap. The blood clotted around his nose. I know,I know your probably thinking why i did such an act. Well, i did mention that i did unspeakable acts but this case was different.

I was a mere child with childish girly thoughts. Back then my father wasnt a drunkard and my mother hadnt died. i was ten. He was fifteen. He grabbed the ribbon of my pink frock and grabbed me closer and close to his lips. I thought he was giving me a hug.  He grabbed the zip of my dress, untied it. He removed his trousers and.... well i think you are mature enough to know what happened.

I will never forget the day he forced himself upon me. I was scarred for life. Every time i meet him i have the urge to get a knife, slit his wrists,tongue and finally stab him right in the heart.

So. he really thinks after all those years i was going to run into his arms. Kiss him passionately and give him a hug. Ha! Jokes on him.

‘‘You cant try and freeze me and run away’‘ He said while wiping the dried up clotted blood with his filthy long sleeved shirt.

Though he was literally skin and bone he was in fact quite strong for someone who barely eats and drinks beer day in day out.

Before i could even say Merlins wand he grabbed my skinny wrist and forced my to look him in the eyes. A girl could easily get lost in those emerald green eyes but my eyes immediately started watering due to the alcoholic smell reeking out of his mouth and the fact that he smelt like he hadnt bathed in centuries.

‘‘ I dont know why but there is something about you that attracts me to you’‘ ‘‘ i always feel the urge to capture you and make you mine’‘.

He gave me a look.  A look that made me heart stop beating and made my body freeze while peeing in myself as i was petrified.

‘‘Let me go you pedophile’‘ i said while kicking him in the shins grabbing my wrist using my free left hand trying to grab his hand to let go of my right hand.

I felt a drip of sweat trickling down my back. He threw me to the wall, he leaned his body closer to mine, and his face was hovering in front of mine.

I used my left hand and shot sharp icicles into his chest giving me enough time to flee.

‘‘ I’ll catch you Corsen, I’ll catch you and i promise when i do i’ll never let you go you’ll be mine forever’‘ While wheezing blood and trying to take a deep breath.

I just hope i had’nt made a big mistake.

I didnt care if my underwear could be seen while i was running down the street at this point i just wish mens obsession with me could just stop.

You see i am a freak. I can do freakish things and i look like i freak.My eyes are far away from my nose. My lips are waaaayyy below my nose thus making me a target for kids to bully . I have been in and out of foster homes since i was 10. Back then my father was drunk 24/7 and my mom didnt have stage 2 breast cancer. 

It has’nt been easy since my mothers passing. My dad still  doesnt want to acknowledge the fact that she is gone and isn’t coming back. He then decided to take everything out on me. He used to whip me  till my voice when hoarse and i ended up passing out and couldnt tell if i was dreaming or dead.

Teachers at school noticed my whip marks and bruises even though i tried covering it up with oversized hoodies and sweatpants. They immediately called child protective services thus my relationship with foster families began. All my foster fathers ended up being creepos and used to watch me get changed and worst of all took advantage of the fact that i was a skinny,weak,puny kid and couldnt do anything to defend myself.

Dammit! The landlords sent another sweet little eviction letter. I quickly skimmed through it to see how much time i had until i was kicked out of this mangy apartment. Seven days! There was no way i was going to be able to get 700 dollars by the end of this week. I guess i had to just say goodbye to this mangy little apartment. Ugh! I actually was tearing up this was my first apartment after i got emancipated.

I just decided to  just throw on an oversized t-shirt and shorts and call it a night. Just when i opened the door of my room an eerie sound schoed from down the hallway. 

‘‘Hello Hello is Corsen here?’‘

Dammit! It’s the frickin landlord coming to evict me but  the letter said till next week. I was utterly confused. I hopped out of my bed,slipped on my mucky bunny slippers from salvation army and decided to take my wooden hairbrush with me just in case it was a murderer or kidnapper or somethin’. Hey! I wasnt about to get kidnapped and my kidneys sold online okay?

‘‘Is anyone here?’‘ ‘‘Come out and i won’t hurt you’‘ i said with a shaky voice. I was literally peeing in my underwear.

I heard heavy breathing and large footsteps. I suddenly remebered that there was nothing to fear as i have taken a few karate classes here and there.

AAAH! ‘’What in lords name,what are you doing here?’’

He looked like an angel sent from heaven. He smelt of pine cones and fresh earth after a springs rain.

‘‘ Ah so you must be Corsen,nice to meet you’‘ he said while having a enormous smile running ear to ear.

‘‘ Umm.... this is an invasion of private property, you know i can sue right?’‘

He chuckled so hard that his hair bobbled up and down. His silver hair was a kind of silver that is out of this world. Literally it was shiny sleek and smooth it looked out of this universe. He wore a green tunic with a brown belt and a green shoes on. Like hello the 1900s is calling and they want there clothes back.

‘‘ Well its a shocker i havent seen you since you were a baby and you still have the wild red mane of hair that you used to have, well time flies i guess’‘. he murmured under his breath with a little smirk on his face.

‘‘Ummm.. number one how do you know me and number two its kinda creepy that you saw me when i was a baby when i literally have no idea who you are’‘.

‘‘ i think you should lead me to the living room we have many things to discuss’‘ he hurriedly sat down making himslef comortable on the mouldy sofa set.

Hey! I wasnt made out of money and if my apartment had a fridge, televison and a sofa i was a happy camper.

‘‘So why are you here?’‘

‘‘Oh yes i was sent by Albus Dumbledore to tell you that you have got into Hogwarts’‘ he said with an serious look on his face.

I burst out into tears of laughter.Like does he really think i was stupid.Out of all the lies he could have told me, Hogwarts,like really.I guess he was just another social care worker trying to find ways to get me to come back.But i am not that that daft okay.

‘‘Whats so funny?’‘ while giving me  stern look.

‘‘Ummm.... you know Hogwarts doesnt exist right?’‘ ‘‘It was just a story J.K Rowling wrote for entertainment and imagination.

‘‘You know the whole magical realm has been in contact with the human realm for centuries now’‘. ‘‘The story of J.K Rowling or whatever her name was was half-truths’‘. ‘‘This Harry Potter bot your talking about was all just made up’‘.’‘But the sorting hat,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape and some othes are real’‘.

[saveyourheartforme]

The Entire Folklore Storyline Pieced Together

so I’ve given it some thought and I think this is how the Folklore story comes together.

Disclaimers: obviously this is my interpretation I could be 100% wrong and am open to suggestions

also some fragments of this have come from twitter/instagram/other tumblr posts ive read over the past few days but I put the pieces together on my own (if this has been said already by someone else im so sorry and full credit to you but i havent read a full theory anywhere else yet <3)

our story starts with seven: betty is young and completely naive. the summer she is seven years old she meets Inez, who has an abusive father, hence the part 

“And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry”

they become incredibly close that summer because inez spends a ton of time at betty’s house to escape her father. they cease to be friends at some point after the end of this song due to the fact that they developed feelings for each other but were too scared to be public with a relationship (”hide in the closet” line). betty starts to date james in high school. 

cardigan: we pretty much already know that this is betty’s POV of the love triangle situation and the heartbreak she feels about the breakup and being cheated on. however i have a theory that betty was in love with inez and james was there to fill that void she felt after losing her friendship with inez and hence the hope that it would become more. hear me out. references to “heels” and “black lipstick” which are associated more with girls. “playing hide of seek” seems childlike, which is a reference to the time betty and inez spent together in “seven”. finally, “when you are young they assume you know nothing” could reference the fact that adults often tell kids they’re too young to know their sexuality. the song is also about james though, the song in its entirety symbolizes how the people betty thinks she can trust the most and who love her the most (james, inez) both betray her. hence the mingled references to both james and inez

august: the POV of Inez. she develops stronger feelings for james than she intended. however she also has feelings for betty but never told her. the song is a double reference to the summers she would spend with betty when she was young and they were exploring their sexualities with one another and her being with james. i think that maybe she only got with james at first because she wanted to ruin his relationship with betty out of jealousy but fell for james accidentally in the process

betty: the POV of james, who has no idea about the history between inez and betty. the reason why betty doesn’t “believe a word [Inez] says” is because they have fractured trust after the end of their friendship. however inez feels guilty about betraying betty and tells her about her and james. james is trying to win her forgiveness in this song by showing up at a party betty is having at her house. betty tentatively forgives james but does not get back together with him and permanently terminates her friendship with inez. james is heartbroken that betty wont get back with him.

this is me trying: james continues to try and win betty over again. he starts drinking to make himself feel better and begins to do badly in school (”i got wasted like all my potential”). however he really puts in effort to get betty back

mirrorball: inez reflects on her life. living with her abusive father made her desperate to be loved/cared for. so she “change[s] everything about [her] to fit in” just so she can get that affection. essentially she becomes who she thinks people want her to be to get the love she never got from her father. betty and james were both people who she felt like she could be herself around (”you are not like the regulars”). at the end when she talks about performing to keep them looking at her it is about how she desperately wanted to keep them both. unfortunately she lost both of them

between songs betty decides to get back with james and they get married. they genuinely love each other. inez moves to st louis.

invisible string: the honeymoon phase of james and bettys relationship after marriage. they think they are meant to be together and everything that happened was meant to happen. also addresses how james and betty met when they were young (betty would read at the park and james worked across the street from the park in a yogurt shop and they would run into one another)

peace: their relationship hits a rough patch. their “coming of age has come and gone”. the honeymoon period is over. james says he “never had strength in his convictions as long as dangers near” meaning he has a hard time staying faithful. he does love her but makes a lot of mistakes (including talking shit with his friends about her) basically this song is a warning but solidifies that he loves her regardless of what happens

illicit affairs: james cheats again. also could be inez reflecting on her affair with james from a more mature lens now that shes older. she feels a lot of regret about it 

mad woman: betty finds out about james cheating a second time and is obviously pissed. james tries to spin it so she forgives him but she’s done. 

exile: same time as mad woman: talks about how they both feel loss at the end of their relationship

james marries the woman he cheated on betty with but he still loves betty and the marriage is short lived

hoax: betty is completely heartbroken over everything that has happened to her. she feels really alone and still wants to cling to the love james felt for her. she looks for signs and reasons to go back to him but finds none.

james joins the military after his second divorce with the woman he cheated with. betty moves to st louis (yes the city inez lives in)

the 1: betty heals from her past and becomes confident in herself again. the line “i thought i saw you at the bus stop i didn’t though is her seeing inez but thinking its impossible. she reflects on her past feelings for both james and inez. eventually her and inez run into each other and rekindle their friendship. they discuss their past together (” it wouldve been fun if you wouldve been the one”) they are happy being friends. they are each others “chosen family”

epiphany: james dies in battle while in the army, but thinks of betty for the rest of his life and regrets what happened

my tears ricochet: betty finds out about james’ death in combat and is completely heartbroken even though she thought she was over him (”if im dead to you why are you at the wake cursing my name wishing id stayed” = betty mourning him despite saying she didnt care anymore and wishing theyd stayed together). betty feels haunted by james now and regrets a lot that happened

the last great american dynasty: after this event betty needs a change. she begins to go by her full name (rebekah) and moves to rhode island. she meets the heir to standard oil and marries him. the marriage is loveless but they have fun together. he dies leaving her with a lot of money and holiday house. she is done living for other people and starts to do literally whatever tf she wants. one of the “bitch pack friends from the city” she brings in is inez. they were never romantic after their youth but their friendship is just as amazing and fulfilling. 

feel free to leave comments saying what you agree/disagree with or to add stuff. i might just be crazy and reading into this wayyyyy to much tbh. regardless the album is incredible and im so grateful for it :)

[starkerdayss]

ENDGAME THOUGHTS

I’ve seen it, and I have things to say...

Okay, so, let’s start with the light-hearted stuff first: 

Bruce Banner finally accepting the Hulk as a whole ??? yes

America’s Ass

WHY IS STEVE WORTHY OF MJOLNIR

Steve winning the battle with his other self by naming Bucky ?? marvel cant resist the gay tm even if they tried 

Carol Danvers and her lesbian haircut can fuck me up with a rake 

There was a brief moment where I shipped Natasha and Carol, but that just fell off a cliff ;)

Peter Parker emerging from that portal looking FiNNER than ever. my poor starker heart

WE FINALLY GOT TONY AND PETER HUGGING 

i like the way Steve said “avengers... assemble” meaning everyone on their side was an avenger, even the smallest of them all. they just... thats the perfect fucking ending. theyre all avengers. 

loki just randomly grabbing his cube and disappearing 

is gamora like... alive? why is gamora 

tony stark being the motherfucking hero agAIN literally just proves that without him marvel is and will be nothing. he invented time traveling... it doesnt get better than that, folks 

every single character together on the same planet fighting the same evil 

my relieved ass when thanos got dusted 

“this is the one?” “the options were him or a tree”

Tony fucking Stark lived happy for five years with his daughter okay

Now, onto the sadded stuff: 

Thor, as far as I know, was written that way for this movie to add some commedy, but it just literally broke my heart to see him like that after losing everything. 

Continuing with Thor, the encounter with his mother. She’s just really wise, and understanding and I’m so glad Thor got the closure he needed on that department. 

I’m going to express how insanely mad I am about Steve’s ending. First of all, I feel like the happy ending that Tony deserved they gave to Steve. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have ended happy as well, but common. I understand that he wanted to live a life with Peggy, but even if it was six seconds for the others, he left Bucky alone. He doesn’t have Steve, Tony, Natasha. Anyone, and he didn’t even get the shield? catch me on CNN news hitting marvel writers with a frying pan. 

What the fuck was Natasha’s ending? It felt flat and it was really... quick. I just... don’t like it. 

Tony dying. I cried so hard that my little sobbing stopped me from watching the whole scene. Peter finally got his hug, and then he was calling for him saying “mr. stark... we won! mr. stark, do you hear me? we won... tony?” just... breaks my heart. Pepper calming him down, telling him that he could rest in peace... it just, also breaks my heart. Peter has no mentor, Pepper has no husband and Morgan has no father. I love you 3000. im crying as i write this, obviously. he deserved so much better. “proof that tony stark has a heart”. fucking hell, my heart is so sad. the fucking funeral is just,,, the worst thing that has ever happened to me

i love that peter reconnected with his friends and all but you could see the sadness in his eyes. specially in the funeral, when aunt may was holding him. 

happy is just such a good person, and i know he’s going to miss his boss. hes going to take care of that little girl like it was his own daughter

we didnt get enough groot/rocket and im pissed. 

we also didn’t get bucky/steve recognition aT ALL and if anyone wants to talk about this pls come to my dm’s 

BUCKY KNEW WHAT STEVE WAS GOING TO DO AND HE LET HIM DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM 

i truly dont know how im going to get passed this 

my starker heart was going to explode “i lost the kid” and the hug and “tony...” and fucking hell 

peter sorrounded for women. which isnt sad but i remembered now 

doctor strange telling tony that it was the only way literally just fucks up everything 

i didnt see doctor strange in the funeral ?? i might have been crying too hard to notice tho,, but if any of u did can u let me know. where my boy at 

tony got closure with his dad as well and that simultaneously breaks my heart and leaves me a little calmer 

loki had no respectful ending whatsoever and im mad 

im happy for clint and scott but they did my man stark wrong 

was that rando at tony’s funeral harley? i thought i was going to see much more tbh 

they better not leave sam and black panther in nothing just cuz theyre black cuz everybody a racist nowadays. im watching marvel.

Conclusions: 

I have a bunch of theories, which im not telling right now cuz i have to get them together. 

you can all bET your fucking asses that im rewriting the end and im making it both starker and stucky 

beyond being a heartless movie, it has been the best one yet. the time traveling thing was a little confusing but the effects, the whole steve meeting steve was super well done and it kept me on the edge of my sit the three fucking hours. this has definitely been the best movie marvel has ever done. 

tony will forever remain in my heart, and my page is not going to acknowledge his death. 

tony stark was one of the few happy things i had left from my childhood and now its gone. my heart aches tremendously. I will never comprehend whats the reasoning behind it because tony is the whole foundation of marvel, and without him, theyre nothing. i cant believe hes dead. i cant believe it and i just... that should not have been his ending. i love him, i loved him and i will always love him. Rest In Peace, my love. 

“And I’m... Iron Man”

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of spy kids: mission critical in about a week and here are my thoughts (3/5)

1.9

i havent watched this in like 2 days i dont even remember what happened last time

why is everything in the desert the desert sucks

alsjhiajgdf i love tom kenny

listen i know hes like a superandroid or whatever but i really hope he and therese fall in love

wait hold up. i thought they already had midterms???? like the did that before scorpion went to her fashion shoot. AND they were kupkakkes midterms. whats up with this school

no drinking in class???? rude. let them hydrate

that seems imbalanced

aHh

thats only like 10

also that book is dummy thicc

its ok ace my nose whistles too

shut up carmen youre just jealous because shes pretty

there are no seasons its a desert

ok dude stop breathing so hard

he JUST said that

anywhere between an hour and umm... 11 months

you put it on one page why are all the pages back

me but with physics

thats literally the best line in the whole series

juni how do you not know that you were at a safe H O U S E

theyve been gone for like 2 hours are they not allowed to study?????

what even is AWOL???

absent without leave. neat

talon gives off some big draco energy

tick tock???? how dare you

slkdhfa she called sir awesome honey shes such a mom

dont make it obvious

oh look they made it obvious

roll credits

i was in cleveland when i watched this episode - well actually i left that day - and i was s h o o k e t h

also hes right. no spy would be in cleveland. theres 3 buildings

oh me too

right bc shes the only “I.A.”

ew

eW

this isnt HARRY POTTER. or maybe it is. talon is a hardcore draco

oh right bc swearing is for Men™

update tumblr decided to break AGAIN (im boutta cry btw) so we lost about 5 minutes from the end of 1.9 and 7 from the beginning of 1.10

1.10

its a DOORBELL do they not have those in the outback steakhouse

lots of people. doofenshmirtz, other people who i cant think of right now, etc

???? no it wont????

did your troop leader not give you The Talk??? you NEVER go in the customers house

ace no. youre allowed to not buy treats

theres a triforce on her vest, too

shes just gonna go to another house yall. shell be f i n e

oh my God shes holding hands with mauly im gonna c r y

yeah its called saliva

nope only scorpion lives in a castle

stop bringing up spy sense and tell him you saw her glare at you

HES ALLOWED TO LIKE FOOD

how do you know that he doesnt have his phone if YOU dont know where it is and HE cant tell you

i love how she says "floor. ceiling. more thumb"

haha i found the birth of venus

oh and the creation of adam

hes like squidward, which would make sense bc goldies voiced by tom kenny who voices spongebob

"sebastian oliver" "shadow operative" S.O. nice

why do you have a trailblazers badge. youre 4. i didnt get one til i was a cadette

also sebastian???? isnt that the toymakers first name????? you cant have 2 sebastians

also why do you have braces. youre still 4

"SIR MEANIE FACE" IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ID BE D E V A S T A T E D

SCORPION LET HER CRY SHES F O U R

so really, spy sense DID help

oooooh, sentry duty, thats gotta hurt

WHAT THE H E C K YOURE F O U R

she looks like frickin plushtrap

aCE NO YOURW GONNA D I E

oh trust me they hurt me more than you know

dude theyre so thin youre f i n e

eh, still worked

clicking her teeth together so hard must H U R T

i think she can get out of there. also shes concussed now

why was that so quiet. why did it get louder

thats not a y shape

no, they spy kids

oh shiitake mushrooms thats what THEY said

whenever they say pinnoquinoxx i always think of pinnochio

ahdhhsjak i miss pizza parties 😔

well now we ALL expect it

also, no one????? pick a cooler code name. your regular name was cool and now youve ruined it

2.1

oh theres finally a skip intro option. im not taking it

stop saying that its weird

EWWWWWW CRUSTY THATS SO G R O S S

haha shes shopping w the goon. love that

oh yeah i didnt get to tell yall yet but i absolutely h a t e gablet

a lot of people, juni

listen i know a jt (but he doesnt go by jt) and uhhhhhhh were not gonna go there

why are you happy. what about second semester makes you so happy

boi thats a tardis

the design on his hoverboard looks like the aperture science logo

i paused to read the Floops label and it says "fried corn and sugar loop shaped breakfast substitute, net wt. 13 oz" ITS NOT EVEN A CEREAL ITS A BREAKFAST SUBSTITUTE IM C R Y I N G

listen i know hes technically scorpions dad but i dont think he can legally be in the dorm rooms

aww, thats sweet

i dont think gablet has an attached printer

gablet always sounds like shes mocking people

oh dear God its dolores umbridge

haha nerd

awesome no im gonna die

whenever carmen yells she sounds like link

ok so i didnt find a reason why she sounds like link but i DID find that theyre making a wherea waldo tv series so uhhhh thats fun

why does the cat have a bandaid

GABLET S T O P

OH!!!!!! ON THE WALL!!!!!!! ITS THE TUMBLR POST WITH THE FORK AND KNIFE ETIQUETTE PICTURE!!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!!

oh no fart jokes

its even the basic fart sound effect

BAHAHAH MY PHONE VIBRATED AT THE SAME TIME HE FARTED THAT WAS WEIRD

oh no i hate him

stop SLURPING

uh yeah???? you heard them yelling about it

how??? does that work??? you cant just like catch electricity in a cup.... can you???? i havent studied it since 4th grade

oh worm??

goldies such a boomer

worm??

psi shouldnt be at the drawing board right now. he also shouldnt be confused

what happened to the lasers

wait nvm we havent gotten to that episode yet

ace is valid, dark is Scary

im gonna punch gablet in the face

that doesnt sound realistic

do you not have stairs??????

dont you mean inside AND out??

that flashlight did NOTHING

how did it die so fast?????

who else would you be talking to??

isnt that bowser from the mario movie we dont speak of??

i havent gotten a chance to tell yall but i absolutely love clemp. hes such a mood

hes the greatest spy

does it use a mini transmooker???? ig it doesnt bc gablet works but thatd be lit

SEE SHES IMMORTAL

me when i see something interesting

ME WHEN IM NOT ON MY PHONE

i dont think you can legally say that

you killed her

me

wow nice promo

also just???? bring a charger????? like youre the tech girl why do you not have one at all times

how?????? did you go so fast

machete electric bubbles??? nice

just task manager him

mother of all boards sounds like it could be a cuss...mother of all fuckers

also throwback to 1.7 when she says "his ai firewalled his motherboard" i keep expecting her to say "his ai firewalled this motherfucker"

yes i said keep ive watched that episode too many times to count

worm??

why did you giggle and make a flirty pose. are yall supposed to get together???

did you????? kill him????????? holy shit

2.2

thats what my dad does. he loves hospital corners

idc what it is you have a bazooka

ok if it was a spider id get it, australia has some deadly ones, but does it have deadly ants too???? like is that a Thing????

also ants in your room are gross

was that just a cameo??? i dont remember what happens in this one

haha because he said grapevines and wine has dregs and wine is made of grapes

for the boys??? thats so cute

listen idc how evil you are EVERYONE should cry over otters

so one of the parents has a sister or sister in law named roxanna..... hmmm.......

if you dont use your turn signal h*ck u

hes gonna D I E

i just looked at my shoe and i think theres blood on it???? what the h*ck

suspicious??? about.... what???? having fears???? not being perfect?????

juni that was awful wording

JUNI WHAT DID YOU D O TO HIM

like i know what he DID but the way it plays out makes it seem like something significant

i thought his name was heavy meddle not.... deth metal???? thats how the subtitles spell it

hahah me

he sounds like bling bling boy

yeah ik im a fool thanks for reminding me

what are you gonna do??? kill juni????

POOR WORD CHOICE JUNI

oh he gives exactly 0 h*cks

a shoe doesnt make that sound

crack bugs?????

see thats why you dont mess with things

im a god among boys??????? what????

did you... kill them????????????

thats any australian person

theyre so stupid i love them

good i hate her

i thought the gunk just like... disappeared from the guitar but actually it shot off

he died... 😔

uhh.... yeah????? was it not obvious?????

me when i have 5 dollars

[wtfdavidsvlogs]

Gone too far (David)

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, and graphic wording. (about the injury)

Requested: @twisted-tasty14 Can I have an imagine where you get caught up in one of his pranks on Scotty or someone and he has a crush on you and you have one on him and he takes you out for lunch to make up for the {injury, trama or what ever you think fits well} and the relationship takes off

Plot: David and the reader really like each other. David decides to pull a prank on Todd. (Smoke Bomb prank) The reader gets trapped in the room when he throws it in and gets burned.

Images by me:

I have always really liked David. Ever since I met him a couple years ago, I just can’t shake my feelings about him. He can be rambunctious and crazy sometimes but that’s not even what I love about him. He’s just an all around sweet trustworthy guy.

I lived with the guys. Scott, Todd, and my dad Jason but it is practically everyone’s house. It was around dinner time and I am always the one to make dinner. None of them ever have the time make themselves anything to eat. So because I don’t have a channel I don’t worry about that. All the guys have very different tastes so I have to ask what they want for dinner. Zane, Scott, and Todd were all in the room next to the kitchen. So I walk in slowly to them filming. I walk in and close the door. The door automatically locks from the inside and we have never been able to fix it. So when it closes no one from outside can get in.

“Hey guys I’m sorry to interrupt but what do you all want for dinner?” I ask getting my notes ready for each of them. Todd was about to say something when we all look to the window at the other end of the room. It slid open and a hand with a metallic cylinder shot up and through the object in. It started to spill pink and purple everywhere filling the room. The object flew in and landed on my right foot burning my flesh. I rear back and fall to the ground. I hit the wall with my back and grab my burned foot. I look down at my blistering skin. The smoke filling the room even more. Breathing getting more difficult. I tried to get up to exit the room, but the pain was too much for me to handle walking on. I cough violently and start to tear up. I can feel the skin of the burn start to bleed down on the ground. I suddenly hear the door bust down. Scott and Zane came in and picked me up from the ground. Still crying and coughing my lungs out. They finally reach a place were I can catch a breath. Still having trouble from the hysterical crying. They set me on the couch in the living room. I hold my foot and scream in pain. I remove my hands for a split second to see my skin cracked and blackened. I lay my head back.

“It b-burned me! FUCK TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL!” I yell and cry. My dad then immediately picks me up bridal style and carries me to the car. Everyone had piled in the car already so he placed me on David. I couldn’t even begin to care about anything else with this pain waving through me like a fucking truck. I cry and whimper. David takes one of my hands and squeezes it. I whimper and look at him calming down slightly. As if him touching me took some of the pain away. He lays my head down on his chest rubbing my head. I could begin to feel his chest erupt from small silent sobs.

“You’ll be okay, I promise. I’m so so so sorry, baby.” He whispers to me. He was crying. For me. He called me baby. I slipped quickly to sleep.

Davids Pov

xxxxxxx

I can’t believe I hurt her. I have caused literally my favorite person on the planet pain and it’s all my fault. I cried knowing that she was feeling pain like this. I rubbed her head and whispered to her. I look down at her and she wasn’t awake. I shook her. I become more panicked and I shake her again.

“She just passed out...she’s okay. It’s probably from the pain. She will be fine, David.” Josh said from the drivers seat. I calm down and wipe the fear from my eye. I hold her close to me.

“What the fuck were you thinking, David? You hurt my baby!” Jason yelled from behind me. I start to get angry.

“That was really fucking stupid! What did you think was going to happen?” He says leaning towards the front. My face heats so much to the point where I could barely breath.

“I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS IN THERE, JASON! I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE IT IF I KNEW SHE WAS! OKAY?! YEAH I MADE A MISTAKE I HURT THE GIRL I LOVE SO MUCH! NOTHING YOU CAN DAY WILL MAKE ME FEEL WORSE THAN I ALREADY DO!” I yell in his face. Veins popping rom my face and neck. The redness in my face from anger and sadness. Y/N still sits on my lap motionless. The car went silent. No one said anything the entire way there. Josh had parked in front of the hospital. I opened my door to Jason holding his arms out to take her in. I raise my eyes that gave him the impression that I would be carrying her in. He nodded and moved out of my way. I grabbed her her knees and then her back. Her unconscious body resting in my arms. I stood out of the car and carried her in. The automatic doors slide open. I have Scott explain what happened. Then in seconds a group of nurses com to where we are with a hospital bed. I set her down carefully and they wheel her away. I stay with them as they walk to a room. Some of them stops me.

“I’m sorry, family only.” She says with her hand on my chest. I look at her and she walks away. through the doors. I step back and walk towards the rest of them. I look down slightly tears filling my eyes. I look at Jason.

“Family only.” I whispered. He immediately ran back there following behind the nurses. I sat down and he wait began.

4 hours later

xxxxxxx

Everyone had already gone home except me. I had been sitting in the same seat. Hadn’t moved. Hadn’t thought about anything but her. All of a sudden I see Jason walking out of the doors. He walks over to me and I immediately spring up to talk to him.

“She’s doing just fine. She has some pretty bad 2nd degree burns on her foot and she is on an oxygen tank for the smoke inhalation.” He says to me calmly. I sigh with relief knowing she is okay. I start to walk towards the door but Jason stops me. I look at him knowing I’m about to get a lecture.

“You can’t do stupid shit like this anymore, David. Something much worse could have happened if it hadn’t been for Scott realizing that she wasn’t there with us.” I look down rubbing my eyes realizing how fucking stupid I was.

“I know but you have to know that I would never purposely hurt her, ever.” He looks at me and nods.

“I know how you feel about her, David. You wouldn’t be this concerned if you didn’t feel the way you do.” He said and I smiled. “Now go see her, I’m holding you up.” He said patting my shoulders. I walk away from him and to her room. I found the name on the door. Y/N Nash. I open the door to her laying on a bed still in her normal clothes. She looks over at me smiling. I look at her right foot wrapped in an ace bandage and there is a tube connecting to her nostrils supplying oxygen. I look at her with pity. I walk closer to the bed and sit next to her.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I never meant to hurt you or anyone. I would have never done that if I had known you were in there. I’m so sorry.” I start to ramble to her. She laughs and sits up and grabs my face. She looks me in eyes and moves her thumb across my cheekbone. I smile back at her.

“Kiss me.” She whispers. My heart skips a beat when I she says that. But seconds later I happily oblige. She moves closer to me and lightly placed her lips on mine. I know the ‘sparks’ thing is really cliche, but that was all I felt with her.

“Not that I didn’t enjoy it, but why did you kiss me?” She laughs and looks down.

“Something to know about passing out. Although you aren’t concious you can still hear people around you...you called me baby and then yelled at my dad about how much you love me.” I look down and laugh and back at her. “I love you too, David.” She says and my heart literally almost bursts. I kiss her lips again for what seems like forever. She pulls away.

“But I’m not happy about the burning and the smoke.” I laugh nervously.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” I say holding her hands tight. She giggled and pecked my lips.

“You already have.” She whispered to me. I smile while thinking about the relationship ahead of us.

Holy crap i’m so sorry this is for fucking ever long. I kind of changed it up, sorry. I do hope you enjoy it though. It took me so freaking long but i’m happy with it. REQUESTS ARE OPEN. Thanks guys❤️🔆

[la-knight]

BOOKS I (RE)READ IN 2018: FURTHERMORE BY TAHEREH MAFI

"Alice Alexis Queensmeadow, 12, rates three things most important: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. Father disappeared from Ferenwood with only a ruler, almost three years ago. But she will have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. Her only companion is Oliver whose own magic is based in lies and deceit. Alice must first find herself—and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss." "Red was ruby, green was fluorescent, yellow was simply incandescent. Color was life. Color was everything. Color, you see, was the universal sign of magic." "Love, it turned out, could both hurt and heal." "Narrow-mindedness will only get you as far as Nowhere, and once you're there, you're lost forever.” "Alice was an odd girl, even for Ferenwood, where the sun occasionally rained and the colors were brighter than usual and magic was as common as a frowning parent." "Making magic is far more interesting than making sense." So I actually read this book a few months ago and then recently reread it via audio so I could remember all the details for this review. I was first introduced to Tahereh Mafi’s work through her book Shatter Me, her debut novel. Ironically, it wasn’t through any of the ways I normally hear about books - Booktube, Goodreads, my best friend, Booklr - but from my husband’s aunt. She runs - or used to run, not sure if she’s still doing it - a book review blog. And she posted a review of Shatter Me and I was like, “What a weird, interesting writing style, lemme check this out.” At this point the entire Shatter Me Trilogy plus novellas had been published and I devoured all of them (still need to review those, too). So when I heard Tahereh Mafi was writing a middle grade book, I got super excited! Especially because this was during a time when I was too stressed out to read any YA, since most of the YA I like involves having to save the world and all the stress that entails. I need to lay out some trigger warnings real quick: the main character, Alice? Her mom is incredibly abusive, both emotionally and physically. It’s treated as not such a big deal in the book, which is honestly the story’s only real flaw, but it’s bad. It took me seven tries and resorting to an audiobook (and even with a fantastic narrator, that short audiobook took me almost a month to get through) because the abuse was so bad. So:

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE OF A CHILD BY THEIR PARENT

Let’s get started, yo! First of all, the setting. OMG. See, I love tthis thing called Victorian fairy tales, which is something you can find in books like Mary Poppins - these super fantastical bits of whimsy that just warm your heart and make you grin because they’re so creative and fun. In the Mary Poppins books, you can jump into chalk drawings and go to a circus amidst the stars and make friends with a woman who sells living candy-cane horses. In Catherynne Valente’s Fairyland series, there are shadow balls and talking phonographs. And in Furthermore, there’s light raining down from the sky in literal drops, sticks of magic you use like money, and forests full of invisible berries. The way the world is put together and described, so full of color and imagination, is awesome and beautiful and I could picture it perfectly. It reminded me in all the best ways of books like The Phantom Tollbooth (one of my favorites). But I wouldn’t want to live there, because Ferenwood is full of colorism and ick. Alice, the female lead, is an albino in a world where color is important and the darker you are, the more magical you’re considered to be. So Alice gets treated like garbage. 

Also I think Alice may be autistic, but I don’t know if she’s deliberately coded autistic or if Tahereh Mafi did it by accident while trying to make Alice eccentric, but she comes across as autistic. I’ve actually begun to pay more attention to that sort of the thing in recent years, being autistic myself, and I see it a lot - authors giving their characters autistic characteristics, often without meaning to. I just touch on it here because Alice is already treated badly for being albino, but she’s also considered a freak because of the way she behaves - like an autistic preteen. And I wonder if Tahereh Mafi did that on purpose as a sort of commentary or not, because while Alice is treated badly by the people of Ferenwood for her behavior, the Narrator (who is an actual character in the story; love when that happens) always sides with Alice in this regard. The storyline is sweet and I love it. Alice tries to compete in the magical testing all the preteens do on their twelfth birthday, and so she dances. And her dancing is magical but it’s not Magical, you know? So she fails the test. Well, turns out a boy who passed the test the year before, Oliver (the brat), needs Alice’s help fulfilling a quest - rescuing Alice’s missing dad. So they go on a quest together, although Alice hates Oliver (and rightly so, he’s rude). They go to a dozen different and cool places, all of which are dangerous and all of which are different. I wish we could’ve spent more time in those places but I understand why we didn’t. The only annoying thing is there’s an origami fox on the cover but it only pops up in one of the worlds for like two pages and then it’s gone and I thought we could spend more time both in that world and with that creature since it ended up on the cover. But alas, not. I understand why - middle grade is often cursed to be short, especially if it’s the author’s first MG novel ever. Once you get big and bad like Rick Riordan you can start tossing out gihugic tomes like Son of Neptune or Blood of Olympus on the regular. Oliver’s reason for needing Alice was one I didn’t see coming, nor was her magical talent - a talent they hint at throughout the book but never explain until near the end, at the perfect moment. I thought it was an interesting commentary on how young girls perceive themselves, that Alice hates this marvelous, amazing talent she has of bringing color into the world from nothing...because she can’t use it to change how she looks. Society has trained her already, by the age of twelve, to discount something incredible about herself because she can’t use it to make herself into what society wants her to be. That’s pretty impressive for a book this short. I loved some of the more deliberate messages in the work - the thing I mentioned about society’s pressures on young girls, and also that it’s okay to tell boys to screw off if they’re mean to you, and to have hope and to look for second chances (Alice thinks she only has one chance to pass the test and believes her life is over when she fails, only to find out she can try again the next year). I love all of that, and the lyrical and whimsical quality of the prose, and the world building is so creative and also makes me a bit hungry (people eat magic in this book, among other things; I wonder what it tastes like). Now...let’s talk about the abuse. That’s my biggest issue with the book. Alice’s mother is a total bitch. And not in a cool, kickass way like the lady in the show Empire. She’s vicious, she’s cruel, and she’s abusive. Alice knows - and the Narrator confirms - that she turned bad when her husband went missing, and apparently the worry for him and the strain of raising four kids on her own is making her hard and sad, but I don’t give a shit. I was hoping Tahereh Mafi would’ve gone all Hansel and Gretel on this lady and when Alice comes home with her dad, the wife’s dead or something. She beats Alice (at one point she beat Alice for chasing a boy out of the place where she was sleeping, even though he kept staring at her in her sleeping clothes, because apparently the boy - Oliver - had the right to break into their barn at 3AM and ogle Alice???), she verbally abuses Alice, she sends her to bed regularly without dinner, is constantly criticizing, won’t hug her or kiss her, and - this one really got me, for some reason - forces her to do illegal things. Those invisible berries I mentioned? Alice can find them and bring back whole baskets because of her magical gift, and so her mom sends her out to pick them all the time. If she brings home enough, her mom smiles. If she doesn’t, her mom yells and calls her names and sometimes beats her. Guess what? Picking those berries is illegal. We don’t find this out until much later in the book, but it is. The thing I didn’t like about the berries is that Oliver, who’s thirteen, is less concerned about Alice’s mother beating her for not picking enough contraband berries and instead focuses on how her ability to find the berries in the first place means Alice has really impressive magic. NOBODY seems to care how much Alice is being abused, not even the Narrator. The Narrator sympathizes with Alice’s hurt feelings and despair over her missing Father, but it’s never objectively stated that her mom is abusing her AND SHE IS. Yeah, her mom is sooo glad to have her back after Alice almost dies on her trip with Oliver, but so what? My roommate’s mom is so abusive that my roommate’s clergy leaders, doctors, and psychological therapist all said my roommate needed to cut ties with said mom, even though my roommate’s mom has also exhibited the same kind of “oh baby I’m so sorry, I love you so much” bullshit. That’s what abusers do. So I hate Alice’s mom. She literally makes her daughter feel like if she doesn’t risk her life numerous times AND bring her father back, there is no chance her mother will ever love her. And if she pulls that stuff off (which she does), then MAYBE her mother will love her. Nuh-uh. Nope. Hate that bitch. Other than that, I really loved this book. The characters felt real (Alice is me, but without my anger), Even the ones I didn’t like were still REAL, and well-drawn. The world building and word choice is fantastic. Basically, if you can get past the evil mom, read this book. World Building: 1 star Realism: 1 star Word Choice: 1 star Plot: 1 star Characterization: 1 star - ¼ star because Oliver Newbanks is an obnoxious little creep - 1 star because the mom is AN ABUSIVE EVIL BITCH - ¼ star because NOBODY DOES ANYTHING ABOUT THAT +½ star because Alice is amazing and has a genius brain and I love her Total score: 4/5 stars Would I Buy It: Yes! I own it and loved it enough I got the sequel for Christmas (in...2017...I've been sitting on this review for months...)! Would I Recommend: yes, but with trigger warnings. Again, highly abusive evil bitch mom who somehow doesn’t die.

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔