#my current personal save is a mess i have like 7 followers

[vanus-galerion]

me every time i download another follower mod: im sending your ass to the polycule

[ellecdc]

Come Back, Be Here (part 7)

p1 // p2 // p3 // p4 // p5 // p6 // p7 // p8

Sirius Black x fem!reader - First Wizarding War Order of the Phoenix - 4.5K

CW: mentions of past abuse/torture, amnesia, healing/blood and injury, Bellatrix's cursed knife, angst, hurt/comfort, use of Y/N, character death

Synopsis: After sacrificing yourself to save your friend and Order partner James months before, you're found on the brink of death. It's now October 31st, and the Order has a plan.

Narcissa Black Malfoy was many things. She was a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a wife, a new mother, a Malfoy, and a Black. She was a proud pureblood, a cunning Slytherin, a noble woman, a powerful witch, and exceedingly loyal.

It was this last trait that seemed to be causing her the most problems, however.

Loyalty. 

It was her loyalty that caused her to bite her tongue and smile when her husband announced that he had joined the ranks of the Dark Lord, who promised to bring the purebloods glory and to protect them from the likes of muggles and mudblood’s who were threatening their way of life. It was because of her loyalty that when her sister asked her to hide something of grave importance to the Dark Lord, even though the object exuded Darkness and Evil, she hid it in the rafters of their attic. 

And it was because of her loyalty that when her baby cousin showed up at Malfoy Manor covered in blood, ash, and rubble with a lifeless body hanging limp in his arms begging for her help that she responded with, ‘bring her to the cellar’. 

Narcissa needn’t wonder how she got here; she knew all too well. She was loyal, and she protected her own.

When exactly her disowned blood-traitor Gryffindor cousin’s muggle-born partner became one of her own, Narcissa wasn’t sure. 

(The day you ‘died’)

“What have you done!?” Narcissa gritted through her teeth as she pulled the clothing off of the nearly-dead-witch’s body.

“’Cissa, please, I couldn’t leave her there-”

“Why not!?”

“She’s – she’s Sirius’, she’s...” Regulus took a steadying breath. “She’s Sirius’, Narcissa.” 

“For crying out loud.” Narcissa growled. She wanted to argue, she wanted to scream and curse and tell him to dump this witch back where he’d found her. But she knew...

She knew she would have likely done the same. 

When her son Draco was born, Narcissa had never felt so alone; her mother was long passed, her father was distant and cold, Bellatrix was insane, and she had long ago lost her favourite sister.

She thought at that moment of Andromeda and her husband and daughter.

If this had been Ted Tonks lying nearly dead on a hastily conjured drafting table, or their daughter Nymphadora...

Narcissa knew; her dog-like loyalty and her dragon-like possessiveness knew no bounds. 

So, she pulled on all the blasted magic she could think of – light, dark, and ancient. Types of Oriental, coastal, Scandinavian and Aboriginal magic; anything and everything she could possibly think of to bring this witch back from the brink of death.

 Spending her life as a dedicated pureblood meant spending a lot of time hiding away in libraries – no one could scold you for it, and you could hide away from whatever nonsense they were currently shoving down your throat. She thanked the deities for all of that time spent researching now. 

Thoroughly exhausted and covered in another person’s blood, Narcissa stepped back as the witch finally took a breath on her own.

“Thank you, Narcissa.”

“Do not go thanking me yet, cousin.” Narcissa huffed. “What exactly is it you plan to do with her?”

Regulus stared dumbly at her. “Uhm...well, return her?”

Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Right, and then the Dark Lord suspects a traitor amongst his followers and kills us all for the act of disloyalty. Really cousin, did you hit your head in this battle or something?”

“Well, what do you suggest I do then, Narcissa, since you are clearly so much smarter than I?” He questioned hotly.

“This is not my mess, Regulus. You should have left her there to die.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Narcissa asked incredulously.

“Why should she have to die? Hm? Because she was born into the wrong family? Does that make her evil? Fate does not make us evil, Narcissa; choices do. I did not choose to live as a pureblood, I was only born into this life. But I chose to follow the Dark Lord, and I chose to join this war. I choose to aim my wand at people who raise their wands in defense whilst I wield mine in hope for power and glory. So why her? Why should she die while I go home to eat from my silver spoon that was promised to me at birth?”

Narcissa balked at her cousin. “Regulus, what - what are you saying?”

But Regulus did not have a chance to respond before Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape and Barty Crouch Junior followed a small house-elf down the stairs into the cellar.

“My, my, don’t tell me you’ve plundered some booty for us, dear Reggie!” Barty exclaimed excitedly. 

“What, pray tell, is the meaning of this?” Snape asked as he eyed Regulus and Narcissa skeptically. 

“We were wondering where everyone got to – oh.” Mulciber added as he stepped down into the cellar with Goyle trailing behind him. 

“I found her at the set-up.” Regulus said plainly after throwing up a hasty occlusion behind his eyes.

“I see. And why exactly is she here.” Snape asked again. 

“Did you...heal her?” Lucius guffawed.

“Why waste your energy on a pathetic mudblood?” Mulciber asked.

Narcissa stayed quiet and allowed Regulus to swim his way out of this on his own. She would not risk her own life protecting his mistake.

But what made it a mistake?

Narcissa had never once questioned the pureblood rhetoric that her parents entrenched in her. Not when she first stepped foot into Hogwarts. Not when she watched her classmates get bullied and harassed for their muddy blood. Not when it was announced she would be wed to her own cousin upon graduating from Hogwarts when she was only twelve years old, and not even when she was again announced to be wed to Lucius Malfoy instead at thirteen, after said cousin was sorted into the wrong house – bringing disgrace to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black; and not even when her older sister defected from the family by falling in love with a filthy mudblood. 

She looked at Regulus then. As the baby of the family, Regulus had seen all of this. He had witnessed the announcement of his big brother’s betrothal to his first cousin when Sirius was only ten years old. He saw the fallout and witnessed Sirius be ignored, embarrassed, and humiliated that first summer home after being sorted into the wrong house. He watched Sirius get tortured, brutalized, and starved every summer after that until he left home for good. He watched Andromeda be chastised and forced to choose between her family and her heart for falling in love with the wrong person. He watched Bellatrix descend into madness as she became more and more involved with Dark Magic.  

Regulus, the baby of the family, had witnessed all of this.

Narcissa thought of her own baby then, upstairs being looked after by a house-elf whilst she was downstairs with her husband and his house guests while they argued over who had more of a right to this unconscious witch’s body than the others. 

Did Regulus make a mistake?

Did she?

“Hmph, well, we’ll see how long this lasts.” Mulciber spat at Regulus before the five newcomers moved back upstairs leaving Narcissa alone with Regulus and the witch. 

Narcissa watched as Regulus used Legillimency to peer inside the witch’s mind before he spoke. “You’re awake.”

The only response Regulus got was the tightening of the witch’s eyes.

“Squeezing your eyes shut will not change the fact that I know you are awake.” He commented with an eyeroll.

Narcissa watched as Regulus continued to monitor the witch.

“Yes, I am talking to you.” Regulus responded verbally.

A beat of silence.

“Very elegant.” He muttered.

“Indeed, you are.” He quipped again.

Narcissa watched as you peeled your eyes open and blinked against the light above you; she heard your neck crack loudly as you turned your head towards Regulus before your face fell.

“You can’t be serious?” You rasped disbelievingly. 

“Close, but no.” Regulus smirked as he stood and moved toward the table you were lying on. “The name is Regulus. Regulus Arcturus Black.”

Narcissa watched as a look of panic crossed your features as you took in Regulus.

“I don’t suppose you happen to know occlumency, do you?”

You shook your head in response.

“Shame. Well, for your sake, I hope you are a quick learner.” Regulus said before he stupefied you. 

“This just got an awful lot more complicated, Regulus.” Narcissa commented quietly.

“I know.” Regulus sighed before he turned to his cousin. “Narcissa, please, will you help me?”

Narcissa looked between her cousin – the only relative she really had left – and the unconscious witch beside him. Suddenly, the witch wasn’t just a nearly dead burden – she was a chance. An opportunity for more. An opportunity to do better. An opportunity to have better.

“I do not want this life for my son.” Narcissa admitted quietly.

“What?”

“I do not want Draco growing up worried about who he will be betrothed to before we even send him off to Hogwarts. I do not want him watching children be jinxed or hexed for being born to the wrong family – or worse – be the child jinxing or hexing them. I do not want to watch him slowly lose every single person that ever meant anything to him because they could not adhere to the same drivel. I do not want this life for him.” She took a deep breath.

“I want more for him, Regulus. I want better.”

Regulus searched Narcissa’s face for a few moments before nodding.

“Let’s do better, then.”

October 31st

“Okay, explain the plan to me one more time.” You muttered as you continued to pace a hole through Narcissa’s vintage Persian rug. Regulus fought the urge to groan and repeated the plan that Dumbledore had discussed with him for a third time.

“Remus Lupin has been made secret keeper of the currently vacant cottage in Godric’s Hollow. He, as Peter Pettigrew, will meet the Dark Lord in the town square of Godric’s Hollow at eight o’clock tonight. He will then escort the Dark Lord to Potter’s cottage where I will be in the form of James Potter and Narcissa in the form of Lily Potter. Apparently, to no one’s surprise, Sirius has demanded he be there – so Sirius will be there in his animagus form as will Professor McGonagall, and Dumbledore will be hidden under Potter’s invisibility cloak. Dumbledore has the sword of Gryffindor, and Narcissa was able to purchase Basilisk venom from Borgin & Burkes on Knockturn Alley, which means the Order will be able to slay Nagini without resorting to unforgiveables. I, however, will have no qualms firing an avada at the Dark Lord, so we will see how the rest plays out. Either way, he will die.” Regulus spouted in monotone.

You seemed to consider this as you continued pacing. “And I...”

“And you are staying here.” He said with finality.

“Why?” You asked petulantly. Regulus did not find it at all endearing.

“Because you have to look after Draco.” Narcissa offered.

You softened at the mention of the boy but seemed unconvinced. “You have a manor full of house-elves; I’m sure Dobby wouldn’t mind-”

“It has to be you, Y/N.” Narcissa said. “It needs to be someone who will not be swayed, regardless of who shows up and starts barking orders.”

Your head fell back in resignation as you looked at the ceiling. 

“Okay?” Regulus asked quietly.

“Okay.” You admitted in defeat, bringing your gaze back to him.

Regulus offered you as kind a smile as the youngest Black and a chronic Slytherin could manage. “Your nose is bleeding again.”

“God damnit.” You muttered as you conjured a tissue into your hand and held it to your nose. More and more of your memories were flooding back in, and - just as the Healer had suggested - it was extremely painful. Not only were you now privy to migraines, nose bleeds, and the occasional seizure; you had an overwhelming sense of anxiety laying its damned wet blanket over you. You were somewhat annoyed that your memories appeared to be attacking you now when you would have benefitted from not remembering all of the reasons why this plan had to go just right.  

“Why did it have to be Halloween?” You muttered miserably.

“Why did it have to be Halloween?” James whined. “I love Halloween.”

Lily patted her husband’s shoulder in sympathy, though neither her face nor her tone held any warmth. “You can love Halloween next year.” 

James and Lily stood in the doorway of 12 Grimmauld place with Harry strapped to James’ chest. Sirius triple checked their bags before shrinking them down and putting them into a backpack and placing it onto Lily’s shoulders. 

“Okay, explain the plan to me one more time.” He ordered the Potter’s. 

Lily and James shared a quick glance before the former rolled her eyes. 

“We’re heading to an undisclosed location. We are to set up protection wards the second we get there, and we are not to leave until Sirius’ patronus reaches us. If, in the event that we do not receive a patronus from Sirius or Moony in the next two days, we are to assume that the plan has failed. In that case, we are to begin heading west via muggle transportation and make our way to Ireland before boarding a flight to Canada where we are to remain for the rest of our lives.” She relayed to him in monotone. 

Sirius beamed at her and kissed her cheek. “Right-o, Red! But, not to worry, you’ll be hearing from my patronus in no time.”

Remus watched with a small smile from the staircase. He knew Sirius was trying to stay positive mostly for himself; he’s been in such a state since you were taken, and he was running on fumes waiting with bated breath for this to be over so you could return home - return to him. He had so many questions about so many things; questions for you, questions for Regulus, questions for Dumbledore. Remus watched his friend become manic, almost as if Sirius was the one expecting the full moon at the beginning of next week. The friends tried to stay patient with him, but they were all looking forward to this being over.

“It’s me and my family they’re after, I should be here to end this.” James muttered. 

“And you’re our family, Prongs. So, we’re here to end this.” Sirius responded.

“He didn’t just threaten you and Lily and Haz, he threatened all of us.” Remus added.

“I owe her my life, guys. I owe it to Vix to see this through.” He responded, shifting his gaze between his two friends.

Sirius’ eyes welled at the thought before he quickly shoved his feelings back down into his stomach – he’d deal with those later; for now, he had a megalomaniac to kill. 

“You’ll have the rest of your life to make it up to her, Prongs.” He offered with as much a smile as he could muster. 

James gave his friend a sad smile of his own before enveloping him in a bone crushing hug.

“I’ll see you soon, Pads.”

“Once the mischief is managed.” Sirius answered.

As Lily, James and Harry left Grimmauld place and apparated to location unknown, Remus and Sirius exchanged a look.

“Ready to finish this?” Sirius asked Remus.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.”

The clock tower in Godric’s Hollow’s town square rang signifying eight o’clock. Remus tried rubbing his clammy hands against his cloak, not wanting his hands to be slick when it came time to brandish his wand. Thankfully, with the full moon this close, and it (by the grace of every god) seeming to be a ‘manic moon’, Remus was at his strongest, and he would not be letting that go to waste. 

The rancid smell of dark magic permeated Remus’ senses signifying the arrival of Voldemort and his last horcrux.

“My dear boy,” Voldemort sang out, “are you ready to face victory in the name of your Lord.”

“Absolutely, my Lord, it is my honour to help you see this through.” He responded verbatim to what Dumbledore coached him on. 

“Lead the way.”

So, Remus did. 

In what felt like a death march, Remus (as Peter Pettigrew), a twelve-foot snake and melted-wax figure looking Tom Riddle made their way to the Potter’s cottage in Godric’s Hollow. Remus listened to the sound of his heartbeat and Nagini’s skin sliding along the gravel lane as he unlatched the hook of the fence and made his way up to the door.

He looked behind him to see Voldemort smiling victoriously at the house as it materialized in front of him. Remus turned back to the red painted door and knocked three times, paused, knocked once, paused, knocked twice more.

“Come in!” The sound of Lily’s voice filtered through the wood of the door and Remus heaved a breath before opening it in front of him. 

“Hey Pete!” James greeted as Remus stepped inside. “We just put the kid to bed, glad you could come by.” 

Remus watched as James turned his back to the door and continued toward the kitchen whilst Voldemort and Nagini let themselves in. With a quick flick of Remus’ wand, the door shut and locked behind them. No way out now, fucker.

“Come on in, Peter! I’m just making something to drink, would you like one?” Lily called from somewhere in the house as the trio continued in, watching as a cat wandered its way towards the kitchen seemingly unawares of the company behind it.

As they passed a hallway leading to a half-bath, Padfoot began to bark.

“Oh, come now Pads, it’s just Peter! You know him.” James said as he came back out into the hallway where he saw his good friend Peter in the company of Nagini and Voldemort.

Voldemort whispered something in parseltongue and in response, Nagini poised to lunge. 

When the snakes body elongated and her neck stretched as she launched to sink her fangs into James, Sirius had turned back into his regular form, and with the sword of Gryffindor swung at the snake, severing its head from the rest of its body; the snake’s body and its head fell to the ground with a sickening wet thud.

“No!” Voldemort cried before Dumbledore ripped the invisibility cloak from his form and Lily exited the kitchen. Suddenly, the forms of Lily, James and Peter and the actual Dumbledore, McGonagall and Sirius stood with their wands aimed at Voldemort. 

“What have you done?” Voldemort seethed at Remus. Remus smirked in response.

“I won.” He said simply.

Voldemort growled as he pulled his wand from his cloak, blocking an expelliarmus from Dumbledore and a bombarda from Sirius. 

“Incarcerous!” McGonagall shouted and Voldemort was bound by invisible restraints.

Dumbledore stupefied the flailing Tom Riddle and the six exchanged glances. 

“Did...did we do it? Did we just...stop Voldemort?” Sirius whispered.

“It feels sort of anti-climactic, does it not?” Lily asked before she cast a quick finite over herself, revealing Narcissa Black. Remus opted to follow suit and shed the skin of his rat of a friend.

“Narcissa?!” Sirius balked, earning him a smirk.

“Hello, cousin.”

“But, why? How?” he asked.

James followed suit and cast a finite, melting away the enchantment and leaving behind the form of Regulus Black, causing Sirius to choke back tears.

“Reggie...” he whispered reverently.

“Sirius.” Regulus responded with a curt nod, seemingly unable to meet his brothers’ eyes.

A sob tore its way through Sirius as he lunged himself at Regulus and embraced his little brother. “I can’t believe you’re alive.”

“Disappointed?” Regulus asked, seemingly unable to figure out what to do with his own arms which were pinned under Sirius’ grasp. 

“No, not in the slightest.” Sirius answered honestly as he pulled himself back from his brother only to bring his hands up to clasp either side of his brother’s face and scrutinize him. “You’re really okay?”

Regulus’ brows scrunched together at his brother’s words. “Could be worse.” Regulus responded in a whisper. 

“Why don’t we catch up later, once we have everyone together again?” Narcissa offered with a soft smile. This seemed to snap Sirius into action.

“Yes! Okay, yes. Let’s go get Y/N and then we can send the Potter’s a patronus!” He exclaimed as if were a child being told they were heading to the mall to meet Santa. 

Remus chuckled and even Regulus seemed to smirk at his brother. 

“You go, Minerva and I will escort Mr. Riddle here to the Ministry.” Dumbledore said with a wink at his four former students. “Thank you all, for your bravery and cunningness today.” 

The four offered Dumbledore varying levels of smiles: Remus a wide one, Narcissa a polite one, Regulus’ looked more like a grimace and Sirius’ mouth stayed downturned as they watched the headmaster and deputy headmistress leave with Voldemort in tow. 

“Let’s get the band back together.” Remus announced, and Narcissa held out a portkey for Remus and Sirius to use to travel to Malfoy Manor.

“See you there.” Narcissa said as she and Regulus spun and apparated to return to you. 

Regulus and Narcissa were just heading toward the vine covered gate when Remus and Sirius fell unceremoniously from the sky. 

“Fuck, I hate portkey’s” Sirius commented as he stood with a grimace and wiped grass stains off his jacket. 

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Narcissa commented from her place as the two men joined her.

“That’s like asking a fish not to swim, dear Cissy.” Sirius responded with a smirk.

Narcissa gave him a fond eyeroll before leading the way to the hidden library.

“PUT THE BOY DOWN!” The shrill voice of Bellatrix could be heard. The sound caused each of their throats to tighten as they all took off in a run towards the library.

“Get away from us!” Sirius heard you shout back. 

As the four of them rounded the corner, Sirius saw you standing with a crying Draco Malfoy in your one arm as you bounced him consolingly while your wand was in the other aimed at Bellatrix in front of you. Behind Bellatrix stood Barty Crouch Junior and Mulciber. 

“Bella!” Narcissa called causing the witch to turn her onyx gaze on her for a second, though her wand never faltered in its aim at you.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, NARCISSA?!” She screeched. 

“Bellatrix, get away from my son this instant.” Narcissa barked. Remus took this opportunity to try to move closer to you and Draco, which earned a purple spell being shot at him from Junior’s wand.

Suddenly emersed in some kind of gothic-style Western standoff, every witch and wizard in the library had their wands pointed at someone and someone’s wand pointed at them. One errant sneeze and someone would avada or be avada’d. 

“Bella, you’re frightening Draco.” Narcissa tried quietly.

“He’s frightened, Cissa, because you’ve left him alone with the likes of a FILTHY MUDBLOOD.” 

“It’s over, Bellatrix.” Sirius shouted. “Voldemort has been captured, he’s on his way to Azkaban as we speak.”

Bellatrix’s already rage filled face contorted in pure outrage. As the Death Eaters were distracted by the news of their leaders down fall, Regulus and Remus began duelling with Mulciber and Junior. Narcissa and Sirius both shot curses and hexes at Bellatrix at the same time, but she quickly defected.

“You, you-you FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR. You’ve betrayed your kind and defied OUR LORD, YOU INSOLENT-” As Bellatrix continued to rage, you began to slowly side-step your way over to Narcissa and Sirius while cooing at Draco. Sirius kept his gaze locked on you as you kept yours on Bellatrix, and both of your wands stayed on their mark. Remus had Mulciber in a muggle choke hold looking far too pleased with himself as Regulus cast an expeliarmus at Junior.

“YOU SHOULD BE DEAD! I KNEW BETTER THAN TO LET THOSE STUPID, STUPID MEN USE YOU AS THEIR PLAYTHING.” Bellatrix seethed at you, now standing directly beside Sirius, keeping the arm holding Draco just behind him. “YOU WEREN’T EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR A WHORE!”

At this, Sirius shot a curse at her which she deflected and began rallying more off. Bellatrix brought her other hand up to her hair and then swung her hand forward. Flying towards Sirius, you and Draco was Bellatrix’s cursed blade.

Narcissa took but half a step to her right, placing herself directly in front of you as she cast an avada kadavra at her sister. Bellatrix’s eyes rolled back as she fell to the ground with a thud and the room became deathly quiet save Draco’s sniffles. 

“Oh my gods.” Sirius breathed.

Remus and Regulus were readying their captives for the Auror department as Sirius turned to face his cousin, only to find her holding her chest as blood seeped through her robes and fingers.

Narcissa slowly began sinking to the ground as you gasped and held Draco’s head to your shoulder to shield his view.

“Cissa, no!” Sirius cried as he helped lower his cousin onto the rug. Narcissa took some gasping breaths as she looked at Sirius and you, and then at her son. 

“Y/N.” Narcissa called weakly.

“I’m here, Narcissa.” You offered through a sob. 

“Take care of my son. Take care of Draco, please.” She begged you.

She turned her gaze to Sirius. “I want better for him. I don’t-I don’t want...” She trailed off as she choked, blood appearing in the corners of her mouth. “I don’t want him to be raised with so much hate. I want – I want him to only know love.”

She looked back to you as you bounced her son back and forth. “Make sure he knows love for me?”

You nodded emphatically as tears trailed down your face. “I promise to do good by you; both of you. He will always be safe with us, Narcissa.”

“And loved.” Sirius added. 

Narcissa smiled at the two of you. “Thank you.” She said as she closed her eyes and let out a shuddering breath. 

Narcissa Black Malfoy was many things. She was a daughter, a sister, and a cousin. She was a wife, and new mother. She was a Slytherin, a noble woman, and a powerful witch.

Narcissa Black Malfoy was extremely loyal. And it was this last trait that cost Narcissa her life. 

Continue to the finale here.

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

I think one of the reasons that kaladin can deal with actively killing as a soldier but not with accidentally (passively) letting someone die as a surgeon is the sense of failure (plus of course the obvious protection aspect and the whole me-vs-them mentality he only really starts to question when Shin joins bridge four, and he starts interacting fairly regularly with a light-eyes he can genuinely respect). dalinar himself said that he "love(s) taking responsibility for things", which is especially clear in the way he still can't quite blame amaram for tien's demise (because he feels like this is his failure, too).

like we can see in the first book that the deaths of the people he swore to protect weigh on him not only because of the dying people per se, but also (and I would argue: especially) because of his FAILURE to keep them alive. he always makes this connection to himself, thinks of their demise in relation to HIS own person and HIS role and HIS failure (cue the whole "stormfather cursed me specifically" thing). like, besides tien and the bridgemen (who we know because they are active current characters), can we truly say much of anything about the people he failed to protect in the past? the only thing we really know is how HE feels about it and how it messed HIM up. but the people themselves??

kaladin just has insane main character syndrome, and everything happening to him (first dark-eyed to have the rank of a light-eyed, one of the only surgebinders, guy able to survive multiple fights with actual shardbearers, etc etc) do the opposite of helping him dissuade the notion. I feel like I lost the plot of my own post. Kal is honorable and a good guy and everything but he is also pretty self-centered? which I actually find really cool because many times people who do objectively good actions are still kind of demonized if they don't do it for the "right" reasons (aka purely 1000% selflessness), but Kal explicitly starts helping the bridgemen not because he actually cares about them but because he needs a reason to not commit suicide. and when he loses bridgemen (especially in the beginning where he barely knows them) he always immediately thinks back to the other people he FAILED to save. he isn't devastated because that person in particular died, he is upset because he is very bad at dealing with his own failures and also terrified that the wretch will use this to lure him back onto the ledge. i mean, he loathes failure so much he was resigned to never see his parents again (who he clearly loves a lot and who he knows would welcome him back with open arms; it's his own shame that he can't confront)

he helps people primarily to try to make up for the failures of the past, an attempt to dissuade the guilt and shame eating him alive 24/7 (which of course never works because guilt is a very unreasonable emotion and as long as he doesn't change his mindset and confronts his own beliefs about himself and the world it will never go away.)

"do the fire sprin create the flames or are they attracted by them?" of course syl was compelled to follow kaladin around. dude keeps actively (even if semi-unconsciously) putting himself into the same role and situation over and over again in the hopes that if he can only succeed one time it will somehow redeem him for his past failures. literally every single thing Kal does and thinks and believes is rooted in the fact that he blames himself for tien's demise. he needs to somehow redeem himself in order to be able to live with himself but at the same time he can never be redeemed because letting tien die is an unforgivable crime and yet he needs to make it up somehow because the wretch is always in the back of his mind and he's actually terrified of it but he is equally scared of actually somehow managing to get over this sense of guilt and failure because wouldn't forgiving himself mean he thinks tien is less important than his own stupid (and, in his mind, deserved) feelings?

that guy is so not over his brother's death it actually isn't funny anymore 💀 please get that dude some fucking therapy 😭😭

[detroitbecomeonline]

MODDING DBH (7) - SWAT CONNOR PROGRESS

Hello everyone and

Dear Diary

Welcome to another mod diary! If you missed it, here is my previous one. It's 30/01/2023 and I whispered to my computer screen, "Oh my McFuck, I figured it out."

Behold my progress:

I'm absolutely feral over this.

But this is unclean because I still have to edit the code more since you can still see Connor's suit and things. Please don't save these pics! Better ones will come! I'm so excited to do a full photoshoot with him when he's ready!

I can't believe that a month ago, I could hardly imagine wading through screens like this:

---And now I'm actually having a go. I'm so proud of myself. (This is a random screenshot with random highlighted text, so don't waste time scouring it for meaning lol)

Oh by the way, I know what a container is now! Scratch what I said in my third entry. A container is literally just a Tupperware container of data/information. Like information for SWATCAPTAIN_01. Or CONNOR_INT02. The 'model' names are the containers.

Unfortunately, I can't share the instructions about how to get SWAT Connor, because the person who gave me the notes trusts me to keep them private. However, I can share little tips with the hex editor:

The Tool will crash if you try to open it and load the data in the containers that you're messing around with in the hex editor.

Press ctrl + F for "find", where you can find a string or hex.

Press ctrl + G for "go to" an offset. Offsets aren't searched in "find".

Notepad is your best friend.

I can't share a step-by-step process on how to use HxD because frankly, I don't really know how to use it. I'm just following someone else's instructions.

If I start working on something that's my own method, I'll be sure to share tutorials. However, I'm simply not up to that stage yet. There's so much more to learn.

Other things I've learned that's next on my agenda:

If the original model has another model loaded on top of it, the second model will conform to the skeleton of the original model. There is a model for Markus' backpack, and the backpack conforms to his skeleton which is why he can wear it. I think this might also be the case with Connor's tie, but I have to test that out.

"As far as I know [map swapping is] only achievable with hex editing. You need to open your game files with an editor, then find and swap out the bytes of those maps. You can start filtering out other codes unrelated to maps by typing the name of a map (for example Eden Club) into the hex editor's search function." - @kayla1507

If stuff is screwing up, delete the .mods file and verify your files (or copy, paste and replace the .d26 and .idx files with clean ones). With all my current efforts, I'm sure I can save my two files somewhere and just plug them in when I want SWAT Connor again.

It takes me hours of learning and doing stuff in order to make these entries. I'm tired. I pass my learnings onto you like a withered old man giving a young hero a magical sword. And I'm not even that good at modding--- I'm still learning through the blessings of the modding community lmao. But here, it's dangerous to mod alone, take this.

~ Trinity

[folansstuff]

I'm bored, and you’ve been super kind, so here's a present for ya. I'm gonna try to come up with some genuinely good questions regarding Atticus. Some will be simple, while others will try to dig deeper. Here we go:

1. What is the most important thing in the world to Atticus? His undisputed #1 thing?

2. Would Atticus give this thing up if it meant saving mutantkind?

3. What angers Atticus most?

4. What saddens Atticus most?

5. What is Atticus' biggest flaw?

6. What is one regret he will carry for the rest of his life?

7. What made you follow the official timeline for his story instead of making your own?

8. Who do you think Atticus would be with if Illyana did not exist?

9. Is Atticus a genuinely good person to you? What dark traits does he have deep down, if any?

10. What could potentially turn him to a villain? If anything?

11. If you had to change his powers, what would they be?

12. How much of you has been reflected into this manbear?

And that is all for now! Hope you enjoy.

Thanks for the questions! I appreciate the questions, especially when they're thinkers like these ones. That being said, there are a lot of them so they're gonna go under a read more.

His books. It's Illyana. Of course it is. We are talking Illyana as number one, and then his students and team mates at second.

2. Absolutely not. This has more than once gotten him punched in the face for his stubbornness. His loyalty to Illyana is more than a little bit self-destructive lmao.

3. Atticus is an incredibly laid back dude, but literally any moment when he is forced to interact with Xavier makes him want to rip his hair out. Years of watching the egg-man ruin his friends, students and others lives because he think he knows best drives Atticus up the wall. Also Sinister, he exploded when he found out Sinister was on the Council.

4. SAD! KIDS! As a former traumatized teen and currently mildly traumatized adult, nothing upsets him more than seeing a young person having a rough time. This why he has so many (unofficial) adopted children (consisting of ever single student he has ever had).

5. A combo of stubbornness and, in a smaller sense, cowardice. Atticus has spent most of his adult life avoiding the superhero community, and until Krakoa, he was very committed to never getting involved. This has made him difficult to deal with, especially when he talks to people like the X-Men or Avengers. It also applies to his convictions, cause good luck getting him to budge once he's made a decision.

6. 3 big ones. Not stopping the Avengers from putting the Phoenix into Illyana, Piotr and Emma (he doesn't care enough about Summers or Namor to worry about them.) The other one is not being in Sydney when Australia's Sentinel program killed his mother accidentally. Notably he couldn't actually stop any of this from happening, but he still regrets it. Finally, he regrets leaving his job at Avengers Academy, since the events of Avengers Arena led to the deaths of a bunch of his students. (No wonder he's so protective.)

7. Honestly? It's easier LMAO. Not having to think as hard about the timeline of everything means that I can focus more on character work, which is really my area of expertise. And it's not like I can't mess with canon (the timeline I write in splits off after the 2023 Hellfire Gala) since comic canon is already so bullshit.

8. Uhhhhhhhhhh. I actually don't know? He's kinda crafted to fit well with her so much now that I have a hard time considering it. Maybe Emma? That could be a similar and cute relationship. Same thing with like, Lorna. Maybe there's a cursed timeline where he ends up with Boom-Boom. IDK, Atticus is drawn to people with Issues (and blondes), so that's probably your best bet.

9. Woah, big morality question. The boring answer is yes because I say so. But I think removing myself from that position as his creator, I do think he's a good dude. He definitely has his issues, but ultimately he just wants the best for himself and the people he cares about. If anything dying and coming back fused to a living garden has probably made him even nicer.

10. There's def an alternate universe where he's swayed to Magento's Brotherhood for a while, and I've looked at Beast's descent into villainy as a fun What If? thing. It would have to be if Illyana had died, or he let his more controlling elements take over.

11. Plants or making him a Telepath (of the unwanted voices variety). Honestly every time I write Atti's powers in action it gives me a headache, even though I think they're legitimately cool.

12. Uhhhhhh, some amount. As he developed he's actually gotten pretty far away, but it'd be silly to say nothing about Atti is similar to me. I'm Australian, and am currently in Uni for teaching, so there's the ones that 100% still apply at least. I wish I was as much a bear as Atticus is tho, I'm a little chubby, not quite as cuddly as he is (or hairy.).

[pikawarrior]

Welcome back to reaper talks bitches, i just finished my first playthrough of Shadows Over Loathing and have already started on my second and

Oh.

My.

Gods.

I fucking love this game. I mean its made by the people who made of my favorite games ever, West of Loathing so yeah im gonna enjoy it.

But this, this is new, this limits me in sooo many different ways but also opens up the game in ways i couldnt have imagined

[Alot of spoiler filled ramblings of a mad man slightly broken by a weird time/dimension loop that are only vaguely understandable under the cut]

Okay first off, not picking you class right at the very very start is great weirdly enough, atleast for me.

It gave me time to see the world through the basic unfiltered lens of someone who has an idea whats to come cuz of me playing the previous game but also no clue as the game hasnt given me any story yet.

Literally, it starts off with you having a copy of LOOK magazine on your face. You also get to really choose your look or well hair situation mainly, you're a stick person hair and accessories are all you got and its early game soooo

But anygays, it doesnt give you story till thr bus ride and even then you dont know your class or if there will even be classes!

I choose pigskinner or whatever my head is running at a million miles per hour rn cuz this hyperfixation is really new and free so double the speed of thoughts

And yeah i could have tried something new especially since 2 out of my 3 wol saves were that game's pigskinner class (cow puncher(?)) But come on, i like my familiar class also i suck as magic/effect heavy builds outside of my spamming of stuff like bleed or on fire

But anygays, the uncursing stuff is super fun tho pretty confusing. Thankfully you cant mess them up to my knowledge, they really test you puzzle skilss and you remembering that most things in this game are interactable (very very important)

Also omg i love any chance to piss a narrator and there are some great ones, the main ones that i can remember rn is the one about you working at all these different places and even being employee of the month despite you either being super young or not born at that time. And the one about you digging wet globs of hair out of sinks, mainly at frat houses. Gross i know, but i fucking dug through every single spittoon in wol, nothing can stop me anymore

The narrator def regrets following this dumbass (me) around but they cant leave so HA

But back to the uncursing, the sickle curse was actually super scary. Like that scarecrow was after ME, not the person i was currently in the body of, no he was after ME, my character also nick come on buddy you dont take loans/favors from The Shadows, thats like rule #265, your ass deserved a lawnmowing.

Also wtf i got sent the lawnmower i made with a note that said "see you in 66 years" or something like that. Like HELLO???? WHICH BITCH GOT MY ADDRESS AND WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME AND MY LAWNMOWER

Seriously the sickle curse was hands down the scariest part of a game ive played in years and ive somewhat play resident evil 7

Also gods i love the to do list, don't get me wrong i loved asking my companions for reminders but this is super convenient and go for when my companion cant you know, accompany me somewhere

Plus being able see everything together and whats a main quest vs a side quest helps. And making my own notes in game helps since i still havent gotta a notebook for my gaming notes yet

Also the whole thing with the mob was great, 10/10 i love being chaotic and getting paid the big bucks for it. Seriously its worth it and theres even some more pacifist options in those quest lines to. Im very much a nice person to my core despite my nature darkness and chaos, so being able to handle things nicely or well with limited blood shed is nice. Also helps with you, like me, tend to avoid battles you dont gotta fight. Its also a nice puzzle sometimes cuz i cant just shove like 9 different thing down my throat and kick ass. Its one potion and one food at a time.

The combat is definitely different but more in a "its harder to be able to wipe everyone out in seconds" then a "heres a whole new system to learn good luck"

In wol its stupidly easy atleast for me to become a lesser god and wipe out half the map basically even during early game. Tho thats mainly cuz of my past experience and cuz i was raised really good and weirdly so my skills work with this-

But in sol the fights are actually pretty tough, i found myself really rationing my items out even in late game but also heavily relying on them and effects

Which btw go fucking on items and stuff that cause effects like bleed and on fire, trust me its actually kinda necessary

Also the last(?) fight (and the optional golem fight) are like stupidly hard even with all tbr help (finale(?)) While the golem is apparently a push over yet also god number two idk im working on it, apparently they didnt play test it and honestly it kinda shows (neutral)

ALSP WTF IS THAT BITCH AT THE FUNAL LIKE HOKY HELL DO NOT BE AFIARD MY ASS THAT A BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS RIGHT THERE AND ITS ABOUT TO SEND ME TO HELL PERSONALLY

Also i fucking lost, i can go back but i decided to learn from my mistakes by starting fresh instead of fixing them after they've already been made

AND im gonna help more people, im gonna save those two kids from that monster that haunts their family, im gonna help rufus find my past/other self from the first game, IM GONNA HELP EVERYONE I CAN ESPECIALLY THE ONES I FAILED BEFORE

Reaps now signing off to work on MEP parts see yall in like another 6 months

[umbralsong]

Addendum:

Player: Will you save the children of Ulma's tribe like you promised? Astarion: I'm not sure, I've been weighing my options. On the one hand, they're the key to my unlocking eternal power and freedom. On the other... Well. It's my fault they're here. Yes, it was Cazador's command, I had no choice. But... It seems now I do.

Devnotes say he says it with a sigh. He's resigned to taking whatever responsibility falls on his head.

Patch 7 gave Astarion a few more lines in his Act III quest, which means more racist fans are out telling people he is perfectly innocent by virtue of his enslavement. Imagine being related to genocide victims, or being someone currently suffering under genocide, and seeing the fandom of the Game of the Year gleefully declare that marginalized children should be murdered and condemned to the Hells for more power for a white man.

Let's hammer home the astounding lack of sensitivity in the writing surrounding genocide victims for the sake of the illusion of edginess:

More excellent tags by eyebagtree:

#the most bizarre choice about the game (given i don't play dnd so this may have been a bullshit “following the lore” thing)#was just how racist nearly every damn romanceable companion was#and how it's brushed off as a “haha funny casual banter” thing by not only the fandom but *the game itself*#i.e. shadowheart's constant racism towards lae'zel that a lot of the fandom turns into “tsundere lesbians” or whatever#(not to mention that there were entireties of marginalized races in there that were deemed as “having an inherently evil culture”)#(esp. the drow)#you have an entire world where there isn't queerphobia but pretty much everyone has to be wildly racist???#and the one black character having the least amount of story and personality and pretty much no backbone???#no matter how much i love the game or the characters within it it beyond pisses me off with how sloppily the racism is written in#as if it was tacked on as an afterthought and seen as a generic “conflict and tension” thing#plus the whole gnome slavery thing and how shittily that was handled#i mean jesus were there no sensitivity writers in the room whatsoever??#not to mention that while all of the other characters are given freedom from their abusers wyll has to deal with mizora just#staying in camp constantly??#AND larian thought it was a good idea “for the lols” for the player to have sex with said abuser??#just careless writing all around

1000% agreed. Racism isn't "conflict and tension," and it's disgusting to cheapen the history-altering effects to a character flaw. [Queerphobia is inherently linked to racism and settler colonialism], so that shit falls flat for me. If Larian wanted to write an Astarion in-line with what this shit really means:

The Psychology of Colonialism: Memmi splits the psychological conditions of the colonizer and the colonized into four parts. The colonizer who accepts, who I’ll call Christopher, the colonizer who refuses, who I’ll call John, the colonized who accepts, who I’ll call Candace, and the colonized who refuses, who I’ll call Nat. The Colonizer Who Accepts: Christopher When Christopher the colonizer accepts his The Colonizer Who Accepts role, he becomes a colonialist. But it means he has to accept the fact that his position of privilege is nonlegitimate. He usurped it by force. So the only way he can really enjoy his position would be to absolve himself of the guilt of the conditions under which it was attained. That’s why Christopher falsifies history, creates racist mythology, rewrites laws, and attempts to whitewash his legacy. That’s why he emphasizes his superiority while casting aspersions on the colonized. He has to do whatever it takes to justify his evils, to uplift himself to the skies while grinding those below him under ground. Deep down, Christopher knows all this is messed up, but he can’t admit that to himself, he has to keep degrading the colonized. And so, just as the colonial situation manufactures the colonized, Christopher the colonialist is also transformed. Now he cheers on torture, discrimination, and massacre. He becomes a reactionary, a conservative, and a fascist. But the condemnation that he carries in his heart can never truly be erased. It pisses him off that he relies on the colonized to maintain the colony, even though he came looking for profit and already has a homeland. But he has to direct his anger somewhere, so he becomes a racist. And not just any racism, a racism so fundamentally ingrained in his personality. His racism is built on three major components: 1) That there exists a major gulf between him and the colonized, 2) that he can exploit these differences to his benefit, and 3) that these differences are absolute and cannot be changed. Therefore, he’s able to remain separate from the community of the colonized by halting any social mobility and he’s able to continue to justify his superiority. Added bonus, he gets to feel good about himself while doing it. He becomes a “humanitarian”. Surely, the colonized needed him to bring the light of civilization. Look at them, so stupid and servile. All this is natural, and eternal, so he has nothing to worry about. If he enjoys a couple perks in his quest to civilize them, well surely it’s just justice. The colonized should be grateful. Christopher, “benevolent master of the natural order”. Don’t question it. Aimé Césaire was right to say that: “Colonization dehumanizes even the most civilized man. [It] inevitably tends to change him who undertakes it; that the colonizer, who in order to ease his conscience gets into the habit of seeing the other man as an animal, accustoms himself to treating him like an animal, and tends objectively to transform himself into an animal.”

This feels to me like when a certain white male writer wrote for Dragon Age (who wrote two Brown elves who were former sex slaves), and every game let you commit genocide against Jewish/Indigenous/Roma-coded people with little consequence, and the last one was named for a straight-up [Catholic church-approved genocide]. Someone has some deeply disturbing views, or is incredibly irresponsible.

Racism in Astarion's Writing

There is a fascist takeover happening in Europe. Again. With pogroms targeting racialized and marginalized groups. Being at all silent about how media affects our perception of reality would be irresponsible of me. I stand in solidarity with you all. I will polish this as I go along, but this is for anyone who wants to understand.

Block, report, and move on from the inevitable racist shitheads. We have work to do.

Donate to Gaza here: https://gazafunds.org/ Support good causes with a click here: https://arab.org/ Ceasefire Now: https://ceasefire-now.com/ Donate to the [Sidewalk School] [Pay your rent], settlers. [KOSA Resources]

There is a... let's be charitable for a moment and call it "knee-jerk" reaction to discussions of racism in fandom. To call it character assassination, exaggeration, slander - anything but to acknowledge the dehumanizing system of power that underlies every part of this imbalance. It's only scary if you don't understand it, and as part of another group under siege for half a millenia, I am intimately familiar with it.

There are Romani perspectives on Astarion's storyline I would encourage everyone to read before mine. I don't wish to link them in case this post gets targeted. Please lend them your kind support and sincere gratitude for their contributions.

I do not "forgive" a character for questionable biases. I wonder why the writers put it there. I question its purpose in the narrative and the effect it has on the story and audience.

Let's discuss the effect:

The racism in Astarion's storyline serves no purpose, but the effects are harmful.

I've played evil (poorly). But I also have a very fucked up sense of humor and understand the appeal of a well-written fucked up little dude. Take, for instance, this Warlock from a BG3 playthrough:

Absolutely vile, but a clearly theatrical/satirical look at a classist piece of shit, you know, that sort of character. Take it as a palate cleanser after reading, and then gather your strength.

This is not a post about liking flawed characters. Please take your strawman, dust behind you, and move along.

I often find the trouble with depicting racism is the inherent unfamiliarity with the subject in a majority-white writer's room and company. There is an idea of what it entails, but not its purpose, and not its day-to-day application.

There is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge out there that I've ended up having to take in small parts. It is not easy hearing about the ways people have hurt others, systemic and otherwise. I genuinely want us to learn from this and be better for one another.

So when I see depictions of people who are Indigenous and Romani and Sinti, I wonder... why? And why were these writers chosen for this character/storyline?

In Astarion's storyline, from what I can tell, he makes light of stealing the Gur children. I can tell this is meant to be a depiction of guilt and deflection. What sucks is the fact that he's ultimately a white man making light of the fact that's... historically what they do.

The point, I believe, of him "following Cazador's orders" is to invoke the Nuremberg Defense. The tragedy is that Astarion, by D&D logic, literally couldn't do anything but follow his command. It's implied because he's defensive as hell, but he feels exceedingly guilty regardless. For all we know, it's earned.

Is Racist Magistrate Astarion still canon? If so, his "grudge" against the Gur is motivated by racism. Is that something we are prepared to confront with more than a line? Was he just a (maybe recently?) privileged asshole exercising his newfound power? In that case, his use of systemic power over the Gur may be read as a parallel to his storyline. But then the Gur need autonomy as well.

There is something to be deconstructed here, but I would not know its intimacies from my perspective. Others would. They may restructure it altogether so that it makes sense for their experience.

Here is what I know, and it should not be on this group alone to point it out: The inappropriate misuse of these tropes has encouraged racism in the fandom at large.

Performing a script well is not the fault of the voice actor, nor is the twisted logic of fans the fault of the writers. I am pointing out that reckless inclusion of certain ideas can have very unfortunate implications:

So stealing their children, expressing little remorse, and then "sparing" them the pain of executing stolen marginalized children is a good ending? I'm adding some untagged comments here for emphasis:

I find it interesting the game recognizes the complexity of the situation regarding the spawn and doesn’t punish the players or Astarion whatever the choice as long as they aren’t doing it for selfish reasons. Some good, thoughtful writing there.

Wow, even as a dedicated Astarion romancer, I was beginning to feel like it was a little unfair how much more recognition Neil is getting over the rest of the cast, but now I’m reminded of why. I’ve finished the game 3 times and never even considered not sparing the spawn, because if he deserves a chance, why don’t they? But the conviction he has behind his words in this makes me think I’ve been making the wrong choice.

Person 1: I really dislike Ulma. She’s such a judgmental Monday morning quarterback. Person 2: same, no matter what you do she'll blame Astarion for things that were outside his control

Spawn Astarion sparing their children as spawn is better and in line with his story, but for some reason, that isn't acknowledged through commentary, dialogue, or mechanics... thus, again, unfortunate implications:

To the spawn Astarion, Greetings from the family of Ulma, hunters of monsters and keepers of peace across Faerun. We know this letter finds you well, for although we hunt you no longer, we do sometimes keep a watch. Your restraint and control over your bloodlust has been admirable. Indeed, it has been an inspiration for our children, who have struggled with their own hunger. These last months have been a difficult time for our people. We have protected and nurtured our children as best we can, and we have learned much. Herbs we once used to dull our foes' minds are now sedatives to ease hunger and pain, restraints built to hold the undead now protect them from themselves. There has been a lot of pain, but a lot of progress too. Our children learned discipline and control, while we learned compassion and patience. There was a time when we would have destroyed any undead creature, our own blood or not, and called it a mercy. But then we met you. Wer saw that redemption was possible. Difficult, yes. Painful. But possible. You saved our children first from Cazador, and then from us. For that, we thank you. We will watch you still, but with more admiration than fear. Walk in peace, Astarion.

And, according to these commenters, it's better to kill them because the marginalized Elder is never satisfied with the man who stole their children?

It sounds so casual, I think. Perhaps they don't know what stealing children from a community really means.

60s scoop/residential school/reeducation camps trigger warning:

(The Scream by Kent Monkman. Alt text in link.)

Look at this painting.

Take it in with me for a moment. It is a scene taken from many memories and one. Look at how these families fought to stay together. Look at how they fight priests, nuns, and state officials - ones who my friend assured me are very friendly - how they grasp at their children with such painful desperation on their faces. It is a way for one to bear witness to unfathomable love and heartbreak.

When genocide deniers play their games, this is what they want you to pretend never happened. Don't mind the tens of thousands of child graves, or the stolen land. Just pretend these people are criminals out to swindle you, or steal your wives.

Growing up, listening to survivor testimonies, and the sweet reverberance of the remnants of survivors of slavery, you appreciate what you have. You remember every kindness. You love what you lost, and what you gained through gritted teeth.

And, you remember the unfathomable pain. It's why you promise to stop it from ever happening again, to anyone.

It is very sad. A heart is a heavy burden. Embrace it. To love is to live again, and to live again means you understand Never Again. Because people deserve to be happy. And that's worth a fight. That's why it's worth depicting with care and love, even when the subject matter threatens to choke you.

Let's get into Cazador Szarr.

I've played the game and understand that he has a backstory and some depth. What disturbs me is that an Asian man has the bloodiest, most brutal scene in the game with a white man killing him.

I can't let this be undiscussed as sinophobia rises in a pandemic. I am no authority, but I'm not ignorant. These posts are found in discussions of racism in BG3 and I would, again, prefer not to put a target on their back. Instead, show them support.

In terms of diverse storytelling, casting, and roles, I would only ask that a historical and sensitive look be applied. Hire people from these communities to act, direct, and write for that role. Writing is never easy. There is a weight and responsibility to it, but it's worth it to touch as many souls as possible.

I respect this history. That is why it is not something I believe should be thrown in as flavor text. It's why history needs to be respected as a great backstory to everything we create. We need each other, and we need art we create together.

The debt is yet to be paid.

[bookoformon]

3 Nephi 21, Part 1. "The Marble Office."

Jesus continues to speak about a time when everyone will be numbered among His people, and there will be a sign the Power of the Holy Ghost will prevent the hardening of hearts and make it so. The Book of Mormon was supposed to have been the sign, and as we know it was, and was not successful at melting hard hearts.

Israel will be gathered when the Book of Mormon comes forth—The Gentiles will be established as a free people in America—They will be saved if they believe and obey; otherwise, they will be cut off and destroyed—Israel will build the New Jerusalem, and the lost tribes will return. About A.D. 34. "Glared."

1 And verily I say unto you, I give unto you a sign, that ye may know the time when these things shall be about to take place—that I shall gather in, from their long dispersion, my people, O house of Israel, and shall establish again among them my Zion;

2 And behold, this is the thing which I will give unto you for a sign—for verily I say unto you that when these things which I declare unto you, and which I shall declare unto you hereafter of myself, and by the power of the Holy Ghost which shall be given unto you of the Father, shall be made known unto the Gentiles that they may know concerning this people who are a remnant of the house of Jacob, and concerning this my people who shall be scattered by them;

3 Verily, verily, I say unto you, when these things shall be made known unto them of the Father, and shall come forth of the Father, from them unto you;

4 For it is wisdom in the Father that they should be established in this land, and be set up as a free people by the power of the Father, that these things might come forth from them unto a remnant of your seed, that the covenant of the Father may be fulfilled which he hath covenanted with his people, O house of Israel;

5 Therefore, when these works and the works which shall be wrought among you hereafter shall come forth from the Gentiles, unto your seed which shall dwindle in unbelief because of iniquity;

6 For thus it behooveth the Father that it should come forth from the Gentiles, that he may show forth his power unto the Gentiles, for this cause that the Gentiles, if they will not harden their hearts, that they may repent and come unto me and be baptized in my name and know of the true points of my doctrine, that they may be numbered among my people, O house of Israel;

7 And when these things come to pass that thy seed shall begin to know these things—it shall be a sign unto them, that they may know that the work of the Father hath already commenced unto the fulfilling of the covenant which he hath made unto the people who are of the house of Israel.

The numnutz -the Evangelicals and others like them tell the world they are a part of Israel, by the power of Grayskull or something, but as it turns out, not even the Monster would want to be a part of that mess we call Israel.

To say one is of Israel or numbered among those Belonging to the Lamb is absolutely absurd.

Following are the Seven Days the Spirit of God states are the beginning of Israel if we accept Him and His Counsel and come to know "the true points" of the doctrine:

v 1: Establish Zion. The Value in Gematria is 12004, יבאֶפֶסאֶפֶסד‎, "He will fail." Our current level of dispersion, which does not represent our penchant for diversity in the least is causing us to fail as a human race. Why are we so prone to failure? We can obviously all read, so it is not that, it is a failure to comprehend. He who cannot deign to try to comprehend the Scripture will fail. If one person fails, then many might soon fail with him.

v 2: A Sign/The Remant. The Value in Gematria is 14432, אד‎‎דג‎‎ב, "I'm sorry." Refers to repentance for all the violence, corruption, and hell on earth. Except these things are forbidden. The Remnant of the House of Jacob is our only hope for explaining this to the rest of the human race.

v 3: Verily, Verily. The Value in Gematria is 9745, טזדה‎ ‎, tezda, "documented." A document is a divorce decree. Once one says "I'm sorry" about being violent and divorces the Egyptians by observing the Passover, one can proceed to Day 4.

v 4: For it is wisdom (called Binah). The Value in Gematria is 9028, ט אֶפֶסבח‎, T. Ephesbah, "you are beautiful when you are organized."

"The verb צבא (saba') is complicated. Dictionaries give its meaning as to wage war/ fight/ serve, but here at Abarim Publications we entirely disagree with that:

Our verb focuses on the unified behavior of any closely interlinked group, whether it's an army that moves as a single unit but with separate divisions (Numbers 31:7), or Levites serving in the tabernacle (Numbers 4:23) or women serving at the tabernacle's entrance (Exodus 38:8).

Since in the Old Testament large, unified groups are usually armies, this verb mostly expresses military engagement. But to conclude that our verb is essentially military — and therefore that the servants of the tabernacle were engaged in spiritual warfare (as per HAW Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament) — is fantastic and wildly off the wall.

Our verb expresses a wholly integrated organization and all its activities: in the inevitable military sense, the whole of the military that consists of soldiers, cooks, engineers and what not. Our word 'military' is thought to have to do with the Sanskrit noun melah meaning 'assembly', which hits the nail on the head. A military engagement described by this verb covers not just the actual battle but rather the whole gamut of intelligence, planning and diplomacy; the whole engagement."

v 5: Therefore these works. The Value in Gematria is 13239, יגבג‎‎‎טm yagbeget, "yes, in the winepress."

v 6: For it behooveth. The Value in Gematria is 10918, אאֶפֶסטאח, apestah, "Ephesus." Ephesus is the epoch that comes after this one; it is the state of realization that happens after epic failure. Which explains us perfectly.

v 7: The House of Israel. The Value in Gematria is 10975, אאֶפֶסטזה‎, epistasis, "the Marble Office."

The Rab says the world, made in Seven Days contains Seven Marble Pillars which reside within gold sockets:

"The concept can be explained as follows:1 “The Holy One, blessed be He, desired to have a dwelling in the lower worlds.” The Sages saw a hint to this in the verse,2 “His thighs are pillars of marble based on sockets of fine gold.”

“The word ‘his thighs’ [שוקיו in Hebrew] refers to this world which G‑d desired [נשתוקק in Hebrew] to create. ‘Pillars of marble’ indicates that [the world] was created in six days [for the Hebrew שש means both ‘marble’ and ‘six’]. ‘Based on sockets of gold’ refers to the portions of the Torah.”3

On the verse,4 “In the beginning G‑d created...,” our Sages note that the word בראשית (“in the beginning”) comprises two elements — ב ראשית, implying “two firsts”; i.e., for the sake of two entities referred to as “first”, the Jews and the Torah, G‑d created the world.5 

This indicates that the ultimate intent of the creation of the world is that the Jews should study the Torah in the form in which it was given in this world. This fulfills [G‑d’s] intention in creating [all] the worlds, [i.e., the higher spiritual realms as well as this material world].

It is written,6 “Torah is light.” This implies that when all the aspects of existence are conducted according to the Torah, then the world will be maintained. Thus, our Sages declared,7 “The Holy One, blessed be He, made a condition with all the works of Creation: If Israel accepts the Torah, you will continue to exist; if not, I shall return you all to nothingness and void.’ ”

Fulfilling the Torah means that the mitzvos are observed as prescribed by the Torah. The Hebrew מצוה [“commandment”] is related to the word צוותא, meaning “connection”. [On a very basic level,] giving a command establishes a connection between the commander and the people who receive the commands.

On the material plane, we see that a command is only relevant between people who share a connection, e.g., a father commands a son, or a master, his servant. Furthermore, the fulfillment of a command in general, and in particular, the commitment to fulfill it in a precise manner, indicates the depth of the connection shared by the one receiving the command with the commander.

[To illustrate:] The way the commands of a master are fulfilled differs in several respects from the way the commands of a father are fulfilled. Sons possess an essential quality lacking in servants. Conversely, there is a superiority in the acceptance of the yoke [of servitude], which servants possess over sons.

Both [sons and servants] share a common factor: It is through the fulfillment of a command that they, the recipients of the commands, establish their connection and bond with the commander.

[In a spiritual sense,] it is the fulfillment of the commandments which brings pleasure to the Creator. As our Sages teach,8 “I derive satisfaction from the fact that I made a statement and My will was fulfilled.”

SO, what do you people think you are going to tell the history books about all of this? You read but didn't think? That you simply couldn't fathom how important it is to be non-violent, to avoid manufacturing weapns, to avoid making babies the world can't feed or support? How calling people names and legalizing their persecution is not of God?

These things are not of the nature of Israel, a place that bears God's Name, meant to be kept sacred and holy. But it is naught but a subject of controversy, endless agony and a symbol of the failure of mankind to behave and perform as the most beloved creation of God.

We must close this epoch as the scripture says, take with us the survivors and those willing to serve the rest and put a final end to the ignominy associated with the name Israel. If we rescue Israel, we will rescue the entire world for all time. If we abandon it as we have, then this world will conclude.

[vattasref]

Putting all my RP blog OOC stuff into posts now for mobile accessibility

this post is linked on my RP blogs now for ease of access, if you got here from one of those, hi!

please don't be on my RP blogs if you're not 18+!!

you should already know I'm Vatta. I'm in my 30s. I've been on the Tumblr RP scene for somewhere just over 10 years as of 2024 (I've been roleplaying on different platforms for alot longer), I've had ALOT of blogs, mostly Homestuck, a couple OCs, all of my blogs had my name in the bio

currently active blogs:

@catboii - fandomless OC, humanoid shapeshifter, cult vibes, violence/murder/cannibalism/abuse tws, well established (7 years old?) but my pages are a bit of a mess, is currently MIA, is overall friendly if you're nice to it!

Homestuck:

@davepetea - post-game Davepetasprite^2, heavy bird and cat pun usage and some eyestrain, is VERY friendly and loves everyone

@solxrated (sideblog to Catboii) - (not very active) Sollux, Davepeta's moirail, same timeline, mostly just ironically rates computer setups

@hemopseudo - (not very active) Speciesswap (Troll Dave Strider) Devino Stryyd living on Beforus, some mild hemoism but it's more political than murdery so I'll avoid it unless it comes up in conversation, which'll be tagged as "hemoism", pretty mid in the friendliness department but will riff off your muse's energy

-

I'm GMT+0 so my timezone doesn't link up to most of your guys' and I'll be getting online while you guys get into bed, or I'll be getting offline as you guys start getting on. I work Sun-Wed, and am usually quite tired when I get home, so won't be on much on those days

GMT +0

- 

(testing the clock widget)

- 

NONE of my OOC info is a mandatory read, unless there is something specific you want to know! I will try and keep everything simple, the TL;DR is in bold, the rest is just expanding on each point

first and foremost!! I'm very active OOC, which means I'm constantly adding OOC notes to my muse's posts #((,#in brackets like this,#)), if this breaks your immersion and you don't like it, fair enough! I'm not to your taste. I'm on the autistic spectrum and then some so I REALLY like to make everything clear and make sure my muses don't get misinterpreted because of me

I'm neurodivergent so please be patient with me, but if you wanna clarify anything or chat about anything, please know you can drop into IMs ANYTIME (with the ((brackets)) if you're on an RP blog to let me know it’s OOC, otherwise I will assime it’s IC, even if you're unquirked...)

I have no major triggers but want anything relating to pedophilia kept FAR away from me, if your muse is a victim and mentions their trauma that's fine, as long as it's not glorified/positive. this doesn't extend to like ddlg kinks etc but it does squick me out a bit so I have some related terms blacklisted

online interaction unless otherwise discussed! some tips on how you can start interactions with any of my muses is over here

will interact with pretty much any fandom/OC, not picky, even if I don't know the fandom (it's like 10x funnier if I have NO idea who the character is)

PLEASE no personal blog (direct interactions, follows and rbs of non-original posts are ok if you're a mun following from your personal) or RL person RP blogs (characters they play are fine)

no kink/smut/purely nsfw blogs please

(doesn’t include more adult themed muses that aren’t *completely* porn and smut, so if I follow you first/back then we good, I may follow and interact on the sideblog just to keep it off main, Davepeta fucks I just don’t want porn to be the only thing on my dash lol)

not mutual exclusive! please feel free to chat with muse anytime! all posts are open to replies even if someone specific is @-ed if your muse has a comment they wanna make!

I'm mobile sometimes but I've worked out how to get Xkit Rewritten to work on mobile, so I can cut posts, but I prefer using the app sometimes bc of the minimalism of it (I'll scroll and write posts in the app, save to draft, then cut in the browser, I'll make my own little tut eventually), but I can't be bothered to queue from mobile app so sometimes I might spam post a little. if it gets to like 4-5 posts in a minute I'll just switch over to browser though

I'm here for fun and fun only! I do love a bit of angst but if you wanna go down that route we'll need to do some OOC communication first bc if I'm in the wrong headspace it can bring me down and no one wants that unsolicited (unless that's what your muse is about, then I'll be expecting it you're all good)

IC =/= OOC... most of my muses are not human and sometimes are immortal. the base media (eg Homestuck) is also problematic in ways that I can't avoid. I like to explore the thought processes of things like being on a planet you didn't grow up on, or being immortal when you previously weren't. this is completely fictional, although I do actively try to avoid anything that could be problematic, unless it's realistic, which I will tag OOC

[neutrnstar]

1. no because i (void) keep changing it lmao i really need to find one everyone agrees on

2. i guess they come up with one? idk i'm never the one who talks to them first there's always someone like "oh btw we have (insert new alter) with us now"

3. no, i used to before i figured out i was enby tho but we haven't changed it legally so technically no

4. idk? i'm not sure what counts as stereotypical so

5. i think azarynn i don't think it's a real name and it doesn't mean anything they picked it from a generator lmao

6. depends on who you ask tbh ive been the host for years and now i just. age with the body, some alters have their own birthday some don't age at all etc

7. we have a few of them yes!

8. beside the ageless ones, we have azarynn who is 6000 something years old

9. i think we have one? i know we used to have more but we had some fusions i think that's what you call it?

10. again depends on who you ask

11. i think it's pretty diverse

12. almost of us are either trans dudes or fall under the nonbinary umbrella but we still have a few girls (both cis and trans)

13. some of us yeah! i personally am gendervoid and use they/it/star and i know im not the only one

14. probably azarynn tbh

15. yes! im currently going through gender therapy to try and see if we can go on hrt since im transmasc and im the one who fronts the most so we all agreed that i should be the most comfortable in the body c:

16. i think me i dont even know what my species are im literally just a guy

17. no

18. we have a cat hes like literally a cat. he doesn't talk he meows

19. i can't really answer for the others but for me it's like trying to use parts of my body that don't exist when i front like my tail or my ears (i can't move them to follow sounds like i do in the inner world) and when i front im not as strong there's so many things i can't do anymore

20. i think so yes

21. we have two alters from the legend of zelda

22. im not sure tbh

23. floyd is an introject of comfortably numb by pink floyd i think that's the weirdest one

24. i can't think of anyone right now but maybe? it's really just my awful memory messing w me rn lmao

25. not sure if it counts but i think so? like link (who is an introject of dark link from ocarina of time) has a phobia of deep waters like when you can't see and all yknow and i know in the game you meet dark link in the temple of water and you play with water levels and all but there's absolutely no mention of the character being scared of that tbh he doesn't have much more around him so i don't think that's canon or anything but it does come from somewhere so not sure if i can count this as non canon yknow

26. no, we barely even engage with other systems online so

27. kinda? when i was like "oh yeah we're endo bc we don't have trauma" turned out we do have trauma we just don't remember but we have confirmation we had trauma so

28. idk really like i don't really care if it's a case like ours where you just don't know, to the others honestly do what you want just don't appropriate our terms and stuff

29. im pretty sure most of us don't really care beside me and maybe link and zack the others don't even go on social medias so they wouldn't really know i think we're just trying to stay away from it bc any kind of discourse can be overwhelming esp to me w my stupid anxiety i just don't wanna participate

30. i think it depends on the subject and how people handle it just like most discourses

31. ganymede <3

32. idk probably link or ganymede

33. probably that time we found a cat (the cat alter im sorry i can't remember his name) and everyone fought to know who would get to take care of him so we did wrestling (i lost)

34. trauma ptsd etc aside yes, it has helped me more than it harmed me so, we also have other disorders and disabilities (esp bpd and social anxiety) that we're struggling with and i don't think i could handle that on my own, really my headmates saved me more than once and stopped me from doing things i would've regretted

35. i can't think of anything i think we all have at least one thing in common with at least one person so

anti-endo system ask game

this post is for anti-endo systems only, endos dni

if you don't want asks from a specific category I would recommend specifying that in the tags

name asks

1. do you have a collective name? how did you choose it?

2. how do new alters choose their names?

3. are there any alters who identify with the body's name?

4. which alter has the most stereotypical name?

5. which alter has the weirdest name?

age asks

6. how does alter age work for your system?

7. does your system have ageless alters?

8. who is the oldest alter? how old are they?

9. does your system have alters who age slide or age regress?

10. does your system's littles want to be treated like children or adults?

queer asks

11. do all alters have similar sexualities?

12. does your system have more male, female, or nonbinary alters?

13. do any alters use xenogenders or neopronouns?

14. which alter has the most gender?

15. do you consider the body to be transgender?

nonhuman asks

16. what alter is the strangest species?

17. do any alters in your system have wings?

18. does your system have any animal alters?

19. what is the weirdest part about being a nonhuman alter?

20. is the majority of your system human or nonhuman?

introject asks

21. do you have multiple alters from one source?

22. are most of your system's introjects connected to their source? disconnected from their source?

23. what is the weirdest source that an introject in your system has?

24. are any of your system's introjects in relationships with other introjects?

25. do any of your system's introjects have non-canon source memories?

syscourse asks

26. do you engage in syscourse?

27. were you previously pro-endo?

28. if you could tell all pro-endos one thing, what would you tell them?

29. does your system have a collective opinion on syscourse, or does it vary?

30. do you think that syscourse is more helpful or harmful?

asks for the current fronter

31. who is your favorite alter in the system?

32. which alter has the most based takes?

33. what is the funniest piece of system drama?

34. do you enjoy being part of a system?

35. what's something you like that no one else in the system likes?

this post is for anti-endo systems only, endos dni

[otptings]

Insomnia

-Idol ~ Kun

-Genre ~ Sick Fic, Smut, Fluff

-Warnings ~ insomnia, lack of appetite & weight loss, pillow princess by force, oral (f receiving), passionate fucking, dry humping? (she's half naked but he's fully dressed), daddy kink, rough sex, choking, degradation,

-Word Count ~ 2.9k+

-Synopsis ~ Sleeping never comes easy to. You've tried everything from exercising, to warm milk. Maybe the one thing you've been missing is some late night loving?

-A/n ~ loosely inspired by sky Insomnia, the rose insomnia, and dreamcatcher sleep-walking. best to listen to any of those songs as you read it, might help set the mood even though those are all break up songs lmfao. I also have my ko-fi link in my bio help raise more money to help me buy essentials for my emotional support animal, I cannot work at the minute because of my treatment for type 1 bipolar disorder, and door dash doesn't allow me to save up abundantly enough, if you could even only share it I would greatly appreciate it. anyway hope you enjoy this and thank you for reading

Sleep and you have always had a complicated relationship. Fighting sleep as a kid, climbing out of your bed after your parents tucked you in, playing with your toys until you passed out among us. At sleepovers you were always the one who stayed up all night, too excited to actually get tired.

As a teenager spending nights before school desperately trying to finish homework, staying up until the early morning hours, quickly taking a shower before running to the bus. If you had no assignments your crush at the time would distract you, joking and blushing until it was time to leave for school, bags under your eyes prominent, but the loss of sleep was worth it.

Now the only thing you wanted was to sleep.

Insomnia took over your life. Staying up sometimes days at a time, struggling to calm your racing thoughts that were determined to keep you up at night. They won most nights. Laying in your bed, struggling to get comfortable or staring up at the ceiling, willing sleep to overtake you. Even with the medication from the doctor you struggled to get more than 3 hours a night.

You tried other remedies too. Drinking warm milk with cinnamon and vanilla, the warm concoction soothing but never tiring you out. Exercising before bed that truly made you feel amazing but never worked to tire you out, only forcing you to feel the soreness in your body as you laid in bed. No electronics before bed helped you finish multiple books series that you had wanted to start but never had time for, but didn't work.

Everything you tried was in vain. Sleep continued to evade you, and it only took a higher toll on your physical body.

Your appetite started to lessen, your weight slowly declined. The bags under your eyes only got deeper and darker. Concerns about your physical state came form your friends, their worries growing as you continued to get worst and worst. It came to a peak when you almost passed out at an outing, shaky from the constant stream of caffeine that you were consuming in order to function properly, your eyes fluttering close as you collapsed into their arms. Concern was properly covering their face, and they rushed you to the hospital, you were too weak to even try and decline them.

At the hospital they gave you strict instructions to stay home and rest, with someone watching you over to make sure that you were properly taken care of. Along with instructions you got even stronger medication, 20 mgs stronger than what you were currently taking.

Kun being the thoughtful person he is offered to watch you while you were on bedrest. He was the best candidate out of your friends, the others practically pushing you to accept him.

Kun has been the best assistant? nurse? friend that you could ask for. Constantly at your beck and call making sure that you were drinking plenty of water, cooking you fresh homemade meals, and making sure your medication was taken on time. Along with that he also did the awkward task of helping you to the bathroom, since you were still shaky and weak at times.

He did this all without complaint, catering to you everyday and making sure that you were cared for. Sometimes when he wasn't busy with his own work he would sit and watch a drama with you, or just engage in conversation telling you about his day, and the funny things he did and heard.

Having him helping you 24/7 for 2 weeks straight, had caused some unwelcome feelings. Your friends weren't surprised at that, having been part of the reason why they suggested he did it, knowing your past feelings for him. With only a week left of your bedrest you were saddened at the thought that he was leaving, going back to only talking to him once or twice a week whenever the friend group hung out.

Kun had actually been the one who surprised you. Seeing that you were still up one night, thoughts of him running through your mind when he entered your room. Upon seeing you awake he sat on your bed, holding your hand as you asked what's up. You weren't truthful. Who would be truthful in that scenario? 'Hey actually I was up thinking about my crush on you and the desire that I constantly have to kiss you."

You were positive that wouldn't have gone through well.

Kun rubbed your hand soothingly, listening patiently to you as you lied about what you were thinking about, fake worries and complaints about going back to work. Offering you advice was always Kun's strong suit so you were ready for some good advice despite your lies.

That's what got you in this peculiar position.

Lip tucked tightly between your teeth, the taste of copper on your tongue. One hand grasping at the pillow behind you squeezing it tightly between your fingers, the other intertwined with dark blue hair as you tried not to pull too hard.

Kun thought the best thing to clear your mind was sex, and who were you to deny his generous offer.

You felt your hips jerking as tongue pressed his tongue against your hole, shallowly fucking into you. His free hand rubbed up your thigh, the sensation combining with him eating you out causing your mind to start to go blurry. His hand continued to glide up, before pressing down on your hips, forcing them down on the bed.

Without the ability to move you could only lie there as he continued to tongue fuck you. The fire in your stomach increasing, and Kun seemed to know it as he kissed your clit before sucking on it aggressively, causing your first orgasm to rip through your body.

Kun continued his ministrations, licking up your cum causing the fire to come back threefold. Kun sucked on your clit, flicking his tongue over it as you wriggled from the sensitivity. He seemed to be made for this, the way his tongue knew the perfect ways to fuck you open, and he hadn't even involved his fingers or cock yet.

Pulling away from your cunt you saw your juices covering Kun's mouth leaking down his chin. His hair was sticking every which way how you were messing, and pulling on it. Kun looked like all of your wet dreams had happened to come through.

"So pretty." A laugh let his mouth, a smiling spreading over his lips.

"Wish you could see yourself," Kun slid his hand up and down your thigh, rubbing it soothingly, "You're gorgeous. I've been wanting to do this for so long."

Kun changed the positions so that you were on top, straddling his thighs. You could feel his cock straining against his jeans, rubbing over your oversensitive clit in the best way possible. A whimper left your mouth as you started to rock on him, but Kun stilled your hips. His hand slid to your chin, rubbing his thumb along the side of your jaw.

"Can I kiss you?" You didn't bother answering, meeting him halfway. His chapped lips moved against your own as if you've done it before, there was a familiarity to it that made you wrap your arms around his neck pulling him flush against your chest. Sliding his hands up and down your body, lips moving in sync against yours. You nipped at his lip, causing a loud groan to leave his mouth as he opened it for you. Sliding your tongue into his mouth you reveled in the feeling of him taking dominance. His hands gripping your ass tightly, his tongue roughly dancing with yours.

You pulled away, placing your hips on his shoulders as you continued to grind against him. Another groan leaving his mouth as he moved you against him, forcing you to press down harder and faster against him.

"God baby." He leaned back as he looked at you, admiring the way you moved against him, needy and wanting to cum again. "You're so need baby. Who's got you like this hm?" You dropped your head back, continuing to rock your hips against his. Kun felt his cock twitching in his pants at the sight, grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you close to him, placing kisses along your neck and collarbones.

"Kun I need you." You tried to sound strict but it came breathy, a moan following it as he kisses over your jugular, nipping at it before listening to your 'command'. Flipping you over he gave you a peck, before pulling away to take off his clothes. You decided to join him stripping out of your shirt and throwing it across the room.

Kun crawled back over you, but he stopped just taking the time to stare at you.

"I need to say this before. I'm not just fucking you because of your insomnia, I'm not just fucking you to fuck you." Kun intertwined your fingers, "I really like you. I don't want this to just not mean anything to you, when I really like you. Even thought we're doing this backward I hope you can at least think of going on a date with me." You felt your face heat up, and the familiar feeling of fluttering in your stomach at his confession. Placing your hand on his cheek you leaned up, placing a quick kiss on his lips.

"I like you too Kun. More than I can put words to." A big smile spread across his face as he leaned down, showering your face with kisses. "But if you don't put your dick in me right now, you might not ever get that date." A laugh left his mouth as he placed one last kiss against your check, before grabbing the base of his cock and rubbing it up and down your cunt. Collecting some of your juices over his tips he looked down as he pressed into you, muttering a fuck at the sight of you taking him in so well. You threw your head back feeling the fuzziness come back, feeling how well he slid into you.

When Kun bottomed out he placed your still intertwined hands on the pillow beside you, his other hand sliding back to your hip.

"Fuck you feel so good." He growled as he waited for you to adjust, feeling your tight walls practically sucking him in.

"Please move. Please I need you." Kun placed a gentle kiss on your pouty lips before pulling. Thrusting back into you he set a slow pace, being gentle with you not forgetting that you were still on bed rest. Your other arm wrapped around his neck, pulling you closer to him. Feeling skin against skin as he continued to slowly fuck you, enjoying the feeling of him being close to you.

It was more intimate than it should've been, being the first time that you two were having sex but with Kun it felt right. This was more love making than casual fucking and you wouldn't have it any other way. The coil in your stomach started to tighten, Kun's groans helping greatly to push you towards the edge, but the pace he had set wasn't doing it for you.

"Kun." He slowed down, hearing the desperation in your voice and not wanting to hurt you.

"Yes baby? Am I hurting you?" You could hear the slight panic in his voice and shook your head, before meeting his eyes.

"Faster please. I need you rougher." Kun pushed your hair back, before cupping your cheek.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you, you were just hospitalized."

"Please fuck me harder. I need you to ruin me daddy." At your words Kun's eyes darkened and without warning he thrust into you hard, causing a punched out moan to leave your mouth.

The mood changed just the way you needed it to, instead of being slow love sex Kun was fucking you. Hips meeting during every perfectly timed thrust, hitting deep within you as the sound of his balls smacking against your ass filled the room. He let go of your hand, instead opting to grab your waist and pulled you to meet him halfway on every thrust.

Ceaseless moans leaving your lips at the feeling of him fucking into you so beautifully, filling every inch of you. Opening your eyes that hadn't even realized had closed you were met by the sight of Kun, sweat glistening over his abs and dripping down his face. His hair plastered to his forehead, as he bit his lip harshly trying to hold back his groans. Your neighbors should really thank him for having some self control.

Kun slowed down as he lifted your legs up, pushing them towards your chest, folding you in half as he continued his rough pace. This new position causing you to feel him in your chest, the feeling of fullness completely overtaking you as you orgasmed for the second time. He fucked you through your orgasm, the tingly feeling spreading towards your hips as overstimulation set in. Even though his cock was dragging against your walls beautifully, blunt tip pressing into your g spot it started to get painful.

The feeling of it being too much, but not enough at the same time. Tears welling up in your eyes, as Kun pressed against your legs pushing them back further and forcing his cock impossibly deeper.

"F-fuck daddy please." You didn't even know what you were begging for anyway, him effectively fucking you dumb, his hands gripping your thighs tightly to the point where you knew you'd have bruises the next day.

"So tight around me, your pussy is sucking me in even after two orgasms? What's wrong baby? Two isn't enough, you need me to milk another one out of you?" You couldn't respond to him, only listened to him as he spoke, groans leaving his mouth harmonizing with your moans almost.

"Poor baby is fucked dumb," A cruel laugh left his mouth as he stuffed two fingers into your mouth. You sucked on his fingers, twirling your tongue around them. "Can't even speak, only babble and suck on my fingers huh? Lucky you're so cute. You liked being called dumb huh? Can feel the way you're pussy clenched around me? Must be close again." You could only let out a muted moan, Kun's fingers still pressed against your tongue, gagging you effectively.

Pulling his fingers out of your mouth he slid his hand around your throat, tapping his too soaked fingers on the side of your neck.

"So close baby. So. fucking. close." Punctuating his words with an extra hard thrust in between you had lost the ability to think, his hand gently around your neck, more like an accessory but just at the thought of him choking you felt yourself drooling, his thrusts still reaching that spot inside of you that was so deep it'd never been touched before.

As if hearing your thoughts, Kun's hand tightened around your throat, pressing you against the mattress. You came at that moment, Kun's tip hitting your g spot perfectly. Your eyes rolled back as you felt like you had exploded, all of your energy draining out of you with your third orgasm of the night.

At the feeling of you clenching around him so tightly, practically holding you in place Kun pulled out and quickly jerked himself off, cumming over your lower stomach. Kun marveled at the sight of you laid out below him, lips swollen from biting them, hair frizzy from rubbing against the pillow, his white cum painting your stomach, a light red mark around your neck from his hand.

Kun let you sit for a couple minutes before carrying you to the bathroom for a well needed shower. Setting you on the toilet, he let you pee while he started the warm. When you were finished and the water was warm enough Kun helped you into the shower, letting you lean against him as he started to clean the cum from your body.

"Are you okay?" You looked up at Kun, basking in the feeling of the warm water running down your body as Kun rubbed the soapy loofa over your body.

"Never felt better." A crooked smile spread across your face, too tired to even continue the conversation. Kun kissed you on your temple , seemingly sensing it and helped you rinse out. After getting you redressed and back into your bed with clean sheets, Kun went to go to the living room until you grabbed his arm.

"Can you stay?" Even after having sex Kun was still nervous to sleep in the bed with you, but he obliged hearing your soft, sleepy voice. Climbing into bed with you he pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you.

"Thank you." Kun hummed, the vibration spreading through his chest and making you giggle.

"For?"

"Taking care of me." Kun placed another kiss on your head.

"You don't have to thank me. I wanted to care for you. Now get some sleep." Cuddling further into Kun, the beat of his heart along with the rise and fall of his chest lulled you to sleep.

For the first time in years, you slept like a baby.

[sungbeam]

𝟑𝟎𝟎 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 → CLOSED!

DISCLAIMER!** this is an event for reaching the 300 follower milestone! i do not take requests usually, unfortunately, so as soon as all slots are filled, requests will close again!

rules!

✶ i do NOT write smut; i DO write suggestive scenes like this jeno fic tho

✶ i'll write anything that i've written before, ie. kissing/making out, violence, descriptions of wounds, and the like!

✶ i do not write member x member; reader will default to either female/gender neutral

✶ please send a prompt (or multiple 😁)/a scenario/au + the desired idol(s) + whether you'd like angst/fluff/crack/etc

✶ CURRENTLY ONLY WRITING FOR THE FOLLOWING GROUPS (ones I have a masterlist for): nct (all units), stray kids, enhypen, txt, and seventeen

slots!

13/13 filled

1. park jisung/huang renjun: soulmate, mafia au + "touch them and ur dead"/"baby, we r the law" + gn reader + crack/angst/fluff — completed

2. mark lee: "i'm gonna need u to stay close to me" + fluff — completed

3. lee donghyuck: "many have tried to date me and failed", "they know we've been dating for years right?", "excuse me, i have to go make a scene" + fluff/crack — completed

4. lee jeno: 38, 31, 25 + enemies to lovers — completed

5. kim doyoung: 6, 15, 22 — completed

6. park jisung/lee haechan: 12 + 18, angst — completed

7. mark lee: fem!reader frenemies to lovers — completed

8. mark lee: teaching fem!reader how to kiss — completed

9. lee jeno: 24, 29, 45 + fluff/crack

10. lee donghyuck: 11 + 49, fluff

11. mark lee: dancing in the kitchen to taylor swift, lil suggestive

12. lee jeno: 21, 22, 43 + forbidden relationship

13. nakamoto yuta: 1, 9, 20 + bad boy!au

prompt ideas!

(for if you can't think of anything)

1. "touch them and you're dead."

2. "it doesn't matter what i want"

3. "baby, we are the law"

4. "do you trust me?"

5. "i'm gonna need you to stay close to me"

6. "for once, i'm not the bad guy here"

7. "many have tried to date me, and have failed"

8. "do i get bonus points if i act like i care?"

9. "excuse me, i have to go make a scene"

10. "how the fuck did you survive that?"

11. "you know, you're pretty comfy"

12. "i don't deserve you. i don't deserve any of this"

13. "is it that hard to ask for help"

14. "say that again"

15. "take another step, and i can't be held responsible for my actions"

16. "go buy a personality"

17. "everyone here can kill you, but i can do it the most efficiently"

18. "i never thought i'd be the one to hurt you"

19. "all that blood looks good on you. really brings out your eyes"

20. "i can save you"

21. "not everything's a joke"

22. "i am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten"

23. "just leave; you've done enough."

24. "are you... trying to seduce me?"

25. "christ, ____, i thought i lost you"

26. "don't you just hate journalists?"

27. "watch your six"

28. "always being burned, aren't you?"

29. "over my dead body."

30. "is this seat taken?"

31. "i remember kissing you. why do i remember kissing you?"

32. "you sure know how to make me feel like shit"

33. "you can't protect everyone"

34. "you say that, but when will you start to mean it?"

35. "you can try, but (insert noun/pronoun)'s mine"

36. "this is war."

37. "are you... bribing me?"

38. "oh my god, i'm stuck in here—with you?!"

39. "i am the backbone of this household"

40. "this really scrambles my eggs"

41. "i think that went well"

42. "shut up, i'm not gonna kill you. yet"

43. "act natural"

44. "can't you be stupid somewhere else?

45. "they know we've been dating for years right?"

46. "sing me to sleep?"

47. "just go to sleep"

48. "people who hug live longer, y'know"

49. "that's cute"

50. "i've been wanting to kick your ass all week"

permanent taglists (all tagged): @tayunji @im-a-big-mess @justanotherkpopstanlol @johlee @frickyratz @liamsholygrail @staysstrays @w3bqrl @y3jiishot @jodidann

[potteresque-ire]

Commentary ~ Little Red Little Green Episode 18, “Fruits & Found Family”

Link to original post in Chinese, posted 2021/05/23. Link to official English translation.

(Disclaimer / Notes + Commentary under the cut!) (TW: possible eating disorder)

Disclaimer / Notes:

While the posts by Little Red Little Green (LRLG) are among my most favourite candies, I’d like to remind everyone that they are fake rumours, and should be read and enjoyed as such. ie, all CPN below!

The English translation linked above is the only one authorised by the Fake Rumour House; therefore, please treat all content below as a very casual, very *unofficial* convo between fellow turtle friends! ❤️💛💚

With Chinese being a highly region-specific language, my reactions to it is necessarily filtered through my background, which is, admittedly, somewhat removed from Gg’s, Dd’s and LRLG’s. However, it is not uncommon for even c-turtles (and several times, LRLG themselves) to be lost with what they read / heard due to regional differences ~ which reflects the reality of communicating in the Sinosphere. In fact, the regionality of the dialects used by different “characters” in LRLG’s dialogues is among the most critical elements that make these posts so authentic-sounding, and so difficult to replicate. A fun activity of following LRLG is to watch c-turtles patch their regional knowledge together, from local slangs to food choices, to make sense of what’s going on. 

Okay, with that all said *phew* ... onto the commentary! “p. X” refers to the panel number in the official English translation (there are 7 total in the Twitter post). 

p1. “Fairy”

Likely referring to the similarity between Gg’s current role for 玉骨遥 (The Longest Promise) and LWJ. Dd was praising Gg for being “fairy-like”; Chinese “fairies” (仙) have a certain style especially in visual media, similar to ... LWJ’s ~ otherworldly, white robes that billow in the wind, peaceful to the point of distant, scholarly, delicate. In between the lines, Gg likely said he was simply playing LWJ (hence, the ”act another me” in the translation), which Dd protested... and said Gg was simply playing himself. Whether that means DD IS NOT LWJ!!!!! 😡😡😡 or something else, we’ll know what we get to watch the show!

p1-p2. “Heat”

Yes about the Chang’e 嫦娥 reference!! Despite Houyi 后羿 shooting down 9/10 suns and saving the day, his wife is, indeed, more famous (and therefore the star, the more powerful one), because she’s frequently featured in Mid-Autumn festival art, along with her pet rabbit 玉兔 (”Jade Rabbit”),:

(Chang’e with her bunny, traditional Chinese painting. Source.)

Below is Gg’s rendition of Chang’e / Jade Bunny pair ~ Chang’e being the superman in the drawing while Jade Bunny is crouching on the planet!! 

Guess of the missing convo from Gg’s side: Gg had wanted to bring something to Hengdian (where the filming of The Longest Promise was taking place) to cool himself down, and Dd had said it wasn’t necessarily. Hence Dd’s “My bad my bad” and the promise to send that something to Gg.

The loveliest line in this segment for me—and for many c-turtles— is the one about white hair. Turning grey a common, but very old-fashioned way of expressing worry and poor Dd, who hasn’t even turned 24, is claiming he was turning white because he got so worried every time Gg complained about the heat (Aww). 

Turning grey with worry isn’t limited to romantic situations — it may happen to doting parents with wayward children, for example, or to ancient patriots over their crumbling kingdom. However, it’s also one of the more (very!) dramatic ways to communicate tragic love in Chinese fiction before Western influence allows “love”, as a term / word / character, to be used explicitly in writing romance. 

Here’s a little example, a little diversion that may be of interest. Those who are familiar with the Wuxia classic Return of the Condor Heroes 神雕俠侶 by Jin Yong 金庸, whether it’s the book or its numerous visual adaptations, may remember how the hero, Yang Guo 楊過, went white at his temples overnight after his Shifu and lover, Xiao Long Nv (小龍女), didn’t show up at the cliff at the end of his 16-year wait for her.  

Set photo from a TV adaption of Return of the Condor Heroes, 1995. Turtles may find the actress playing the perenially white-wearing, calm-to-the point-of-aloof Xiao Long Nv, Carmen Li 李若彤, familiar ~ she also played Lan Yi in The Untamed. 

The 16-year wait, the invitation to Carmen to play Lan Zhan’s ancestor (when the two shared similarities in aesthetics and personality), were two of the three references from Return of the Condor Heroes I picked up from The Untamed (the last one was more specific—WWX mentioned Yang Guo’s master 獨孤求敗). This tribute is unconfirmed, but MXTX did say before that Jin Yong’s works were her inspiration. I also read a (small) discussion on whether LWJ’s hair carried a few pieces of white in the final episode, or if the lighter strands in it were a trick of the sunlight. (Here’s a screenshot of the approximate place to look!!) 

While I lean towards the latter (the sunlight), turning white with worry, with love, is a tradition in Chinese storytelling. Here’s a little something I’ve noticed too, on this note ~ both in the actual interviews and in these fake rumours, Dd’s word choices, the way he conveys emotions are sometimes surprisingly traditional. It can be because of his background (which would require a study of how Luo Yang people and Koreans talk); it can be because the traditional way of talking allows for fewer words to be said, fewer things to have to be explicitly explained (example: LWJ), but the effect is that Dd has supplied the most romantic lines in LRLG’s posts because of that ~ romantic because it harks back to the rhythm, the themes of old poetry, of ancient stories that, as were true everywhere in the world, were about love. 

Okay, back to the rumour (and hoping Dd won’t look like Bad Wig Yang Guo in a few more summers!) ....

The line after the one about white hair ... the way I understand the original Chinese sentence is “Heat is The Reason”: ie, anything Dd wants Gg to do and Gg disagrees, Gg would use heat as The Reason (R) to not do it. This anything may be eating, for example, which also has a strong possibility as conventional Chinese wisdom says that heat causes people to lose appetite. Dd’s worry would therefore be: Gg refusing to eat because he claims it’s too hot to do so.

“Corny joke” ~ the Chinese for this is, literally, “cold 冷 joke 笑話”, which becomes a pun as the gzry (team members)’s joke was about the (cold) winter and black hair. So... Dd threw a corny joke to combat a corny joke :D .

p3. “Apple”

The first half I also had to rely on c-turtles to help me interpret what it meant! Regional dialects aside, LRLG has captured dls’s very quick wit, the way his ideas freely hop from one concept to the next and this hopping carries traditional + popular cultural references that I know only a fraction of, not being a local after all. 

I’ve read an additional interpretation of this segment: “big fruit” 大果兒 (as in dls: “Those are all big fruits, all big fruits”) is a Northern Chinese, traditional slang for women—dls might have connected that with the previous line in the convo about being Guowang, as explained in the translation, and “big and juicy” + “touch to feel” being suggestive phrases. Then, given the rare usage of the big fruit = women slang, dls expressed surprise that Dd understood what he meant, went on to say he expected Gg to know it (implying Gg could’ve taught Dd the meaning) ... 

Which led to the entertaining part of this segment. Dd was like “You guys (= Gg + dls) talked?” Dls appeared to have thought of the scenario customarily inviting this question (scenario: someone on the verge of catching their spouse cheating) and began playacting that scenario, started to stammer ... as if he had just been got caught trying to chat up someone’s spouse  ~  ”I-I-I....how to say it ...”. Dd caught on dls’s playacting and went along, continued with the “accusation”: “You’re stammering”. Dls then noted that Dd’s accusation was scary and Dd smiled, ending the playact ~ so, ah, readers, never mess with Dd’s spouse!! Dd gets scary!! 

(BTW: ”nijia na kouzi” 你家那口子 was explained in the translation for a reason ~ It’s a warm, friendly term for a dear friend’s spouse. 😊)

p4. Lychees

Lychees. Has everyone tried them? It’s important not to over-eat them though...

In which the “Feeding Gg” saga continues! This segment is one of those that are wonderful for fic writers who wish to capture Gg and Dd in words. Gg, like many brought up in traditional families, has trouble saying “no” outright, which is often considered rude. As such, he resorted to delay tactics, something he had also done with the fried noodles in The Makeup Room BTS. 

In the BTS, his delay tactics had been to argue that Dd hadn’t eaten his box of noodles and therefore, he couldn’t start (~2:35 mark)—as proper manners indeed dictated. In this dialogue, his delay tactics was to say he’d eat the lychees later, that the lychees would make him too full for the proper meal (rice). 

A cute thing about this convo is that rather than pouting and grumbling his only being LWJ’s replacement (as he had hilariously done in the BTS), Dd had, apparently over the last three years, become an expert on countering such delay tactics. He peeled the lychees, which not only removed a major obstacle for eating, but also set a timer as peeled lychees get dry quickly (and Gg, despite being a picky eater, didn’t seem to like to waste food). He said the fruit could make appetiser. He got the help of their team members, who assured Gg that two lychees would be all right.

Gg’s response to the assurance... takes a little time to explain. 

The original Chinese line for “Great, great, you’re so awesome” was 絕了絕了你們絕了。 “絕了”, a popular phrase used by Chinese netizens, was repeated three times.

絕, literally, means the extreme, the absolute, the end. 絕了 means pretty much the same ~ a thing that is 絕了 is standing en pointe at the edge of the cliff that is The Absolute End of a spectrum. It is the Ultimate. It can't be surpassed. It’s unbeatable. 

絕了 is usually used in a positive sense, as in the English translation, with the positive being implied. If I say the LWJ photo above is 絕了, for example, I don’t need to specify that the extreme in 絕 stands on the good end. It’s understood given the audience of this post are mostly turtles (HELLO *waves*). We’re all heart-eyes here. We agree, without saying, that this photo is The Top, The Pinnacle; it can’t be better. 絕了 is higher praise than Excellent; it’s so good that there are no adjectives for it. Its own presence defines How Good It Is. 

But 絕了 doesn’t have to be positive. If my audience is Su She ... he’s likely to take the same “This LWJ photo is 絕了” to mean the Mariana Trench kind of Absolute—the bottom of the bottom, the Unbeatable, Adjective-Defying Worst. 

絕了 allows for that understanding too.

In this scenario, I interpret Gg’s 絕了 as taking the meaning of both extremes (which make it a fantastic phrase choice!): that Gg thought Dd and the team members were being both the Absolute Best (for thinking of Gg, caring for him) AND the Absolute Worst (for going against his wish to not eat!) Gg’s 絕了 also signals defeat; if Dd and his team members were The Absolute ... Whatever, then poor Gg had no choice but to yield to their wishes. I can already imagine his “I can’t believe I lose this way” Look (see: every rock-paper-scissors he lost, which was ... pretty much all of them), mixed with, perhaps, a healthy amount of bunny tooth warning (how dare Dd et al banded up against him)...

Those bunny teeth had to be taken care of, right? And so Dd went on to say lychees being good omen that ensure things would go smoothly for the eater... targeting Gg’s being a, as c-turtles call it, 小迷信 (literally, “Little Superstitious”, a young + adorable + superstitious person). Dd said that to help Gg justify the choice to eat, to make Gg feel better about his defeat. 

(Of note: I had actually never heard of lychees being associated with good luck before, and a quick search online also didn’t yield any result. This could be a relatively rare association Google failed to catch ... or something Dd made up on the fly to make Gg happy.) 

(Lychees have, however, been associated with romance. If Emperor’s Smile 天子笑 was The Love Drink in The Untamed, then what is Concubine’s Smile 妃子笑? Answer: it’s the RL name of a type of lychees, lychees being the fruit very much adored by Yang Yuhuan 楊玉環, the consort of the Emperor Xuanzong (685-762 BCE) of the Tang Dynasty and one of the four most beautiful woman in Chinese history. Since lychees had only been grown in southern China, the emperor had had the fruit couriered, in express mode involving many horses, to the palace up north to please his favourite wife. Lychees had become a symbol of love from that historical tale.)

Did Gg get Dd’s message then, the love and care packaged in those peeled, sweet fruit awaiting his bite? Yes, but not without a little more fight! “Eat eat eat, (I’ll eat) until you go bankrupt” is a literal translation of his final line. Tonally, I can see the following as being an alternative translation: 

“Fine fine fine. I’ll eat, it’s not like I can bankrupt you by eating anyway!”

If it sounded a little sulky, that’s because it did ... a little sulky AND fiery. As expected from our favourite Chongqing Big Pepper 😂😂😂 (Poor Gg).

Dd smiled at that, needless to say. He won!!! He got Gg to eat!! The world shall rejoice!! 

p5. “Showtime”

There’s a show coming up for Dd (the YH concert maybe?), and Gg offered suggestions. 

The sweet point of this segment is about half-way down the conversation, in the piece of paper 📄 Gg gave to Dd (after “This is for you.”). Dd took the paper, noted the many words on it, and started saying 我把我整個靈魂, translated as “I bring my entire soul”.

c-Turtles have, based on these words, hypothesised that Dd was about to read out a quote that Gg had written on the paper, with the list of items Gg thought Dd should take, before Gg stopped him with a call of his name (“WYB”). The quote was included on the translation (”I give you my entire soul...only, a little good, love you.”) I have also talked about the same quote, in more detail, here.

I’m equally stumped on the final line of this segment. (Sorry!!)

p6. “Found Family”

It’s a heartwarming segment. While LRLG had previously noted that the TTXS bros had communicated with Gg, this segment made clear that they care for him like they do for Dd ~ as family.

* dls mailed Gg a lot of fruit for sharing with the film crew. “Family member needs to be impressive” is a rough translation, but this line does defy simple translation because 排面 a highly cultural concept that has much to do with the equally complex, Chinese concept of face (which this article explains... somewhat adequately). The message to take home is that dls cared enough about Gg that he wanted to make sure Gg wouldn’t lose face in front of the film crew; that, by having enough gifts (fruits) for everyone, Gg wouldn’t be viewed as cheap or inadequate or stingy, or whatever adjective that wouldn’t befit his top idol status. Because dls saw Gg as a member of his family. 

* The prescription from hg had been mentioned in a previous LRLG rumour. 方子 is a Chinese medicine prescription, which, unlike Western formulations, is individualised both to the discomfort / ailment and to the “body constitution” of the person who'll take it, the latter deciding the kind of ailments the person is susceptible to, and which ingredients are expected to be more effective. Chinese medicine also places a strong emphasises on long-term conditioning, whether it’s for recovery from a certain condition or for general good health. A good 方子 is therefore a far more complex and personal thing than, say, a scribble of “paracetamol” / “acetaminophen” on a piece of paper. :D

* fg’s gift for Gg (xx) is something for the waist. A brace support, maybe? For example?

My favourite line in this segment is when hg asked what will Gg and Dd do when they reach hg’s age. Given that the last two items (the prescription and xx) were health-related, I interpreted it as hg worrying about Gg and Dd’s health when they grow old... with all the health problems they already have. It’s the kind of thing a worried parent say to their children ~ my mom has said the same thing to me as well. 😢

p6. “The Cat Paw”

Not quite sure what’s happening here ... not sure what the cat paw is. (Sorry!!) But that é in the translation is Dd’s signature laugh (collection here), which is written as 鵝 (”Goose”) in Chinese 😂.

p7. “The Cat Toy”

Dd appeared to be shopping for a cat’s toy (something that can “hook the cat” in the translation, such that the cat can entertain itself and not rely on human companionship as much). Gg had already bought the toy though and sounded quite proud of it, told Dd to return the toy. The implied cat was, of course, Nut (堅果 Jianguo)... which had been repeatedly referred to in LRLG’s posts as Gg’s daughter.

p7. “Cool vs Cute”

Gg is often viewed as cute, and Dd as cool. Did Dd dislike Gg taking cute pictures for public consumption? Were they scheming an exchange of image? :D

And that’s it for this issue! Ooh, this took unexpectedly long ... I apologise for the ridiculous delay between the original post and this commentary! 

(I wrote half of it, then RL struck and I forgot about it.) (I’m hopeless.) (I need a 方子 for poor memory!!)

[billionairebabes]

Trophy Wife Aesthetics for Black Women

“Hi! What do you think are the non-negotiables of being a trophy wife? Aesthetically. For black women. I think white women have a different level up journey.”

I was asked this question in a chat but I wrote so much information that I figured I should share my response with you all as well. I’ll try to make this as concise as possible. 

I’ll start by saying that aesthetically, Black women have to be more than cute. White women are considered beautiful just for being white, we don’t get that privilege, you know? However, being beautiful isn’t the end all be all. There are plenty of black trophy wives that aren’t naturally “beautiful” but they present well. Presentation is everything kind of like food. It may taste great but you may not even want to touch it if it’s presented poorly. 

Here are my personal non-negotiables: 

1. Keep your hair done. This doesn’t mean keep your hair in a weave or wig 24/7. You can be natural too. One of the more affluent men I dated actually preferred my natural hair over wigs. But make sure it’s well taken care of, always. Deep condition, moisturize, detangle etc. Use clips in if you need the extra volume. If you’re going to do weaves and wigs, make sure your closure is “undetectable”. Keep flyaways in order with an oil or mousse. Carry a brush and comb with everywhere to touch up every now and then but not in front of him if possible.

2. Your skin has to be pretty taken care of as well. If you’re his wife, you’re going to be waking up to him every morning. I don’t believe in waking up earlier than my man to put on light makeup and stuff. Men aren’t even worth that lol. But DO try to achieve great skin so that you still are pretty when you wake up. Doesn’t have to be perfect. Many people don’t have perfect skin. But make sure you’re washing, toning, moisturizing blah blah. I’m starting to follow the 10-step Korean skincare routine. It’s on my blog If you guys want to check it out. I’ve been investing a significant amount of time in learning what acids do what and how they can address my specific concerns. Good skin overall just makes you look wealthier too. So on “no-makeup” days, you can just do eyebrows, and lipgloss and mascara if you don’t have lash extensions and still look put together. Affluent men tend to enjoy outdoor activities, there will be times when you don’t wanna be in a full face but you can if you want to. The same goes for skin on the rest of your body as well. I shower about two times a day so I moisturize my body two times a day. To moisturize I use a mixture of oils, shea butter and regular lotion. I moisturize my hands every time I wash them too. Once or twice a week, I do a full-body exfoliation. I have a dry brush that I use and occasionally, I opt for a scrub instead. 

3. Take care of your teeth - Straight white teeth against melanated skin is >>>>. Plus it makes you look prettier, more put together, and of course, wealthier. Straightening teeth is expensive but a worthy investment. If you can’t straighten now, just whiten and take good care of your teeth in the meanwhile. Brush twice daily, floss daily, and whiten throughout the week. 

4. Keep your nails done. Can’t be too long or else we’re considered “ghetto” I usually go about medium length but a lot of blogs will suggest short. My man loved my medium length nails lol. I usually go for softer colors like baby pink, sometimes white. If I’m not able to go to the salon, I clean and file my nails down to an even length and paint them with a clear polish. It’s hard to make a mess of clear polish and my nails still look nice and shiny. I pop collagen pills to improve their strength because I naturally have weaker nails that break pretty easily. 

5. Wardrobe. Try to build a timeless wardrobe with a lot of basics you can build on and mix and match. For example, blazers are a staple for me. I wear them with jeans but I can mix them with trousers too. Then I have hella basic bodysuits I can wear with either combo. An easy trick for me is to buy a ton of neutrals. I’m not a big color person so it’s easy for me to shop this way. However, do not let my preferences deter you. Black women own color, if this is your style, go for it full throttle but be tasteful. I usually go more colorful on vacations. There are tons of articles out there on how to build a good wardrobe though. 

6. Stay in shape - I won’t say there’s a specific body type you need to have but take care of your body. I’m still working on working out consistently but because of skinny privilege I’ve been able to lack in that department and still be perceived as “fit”. Currently, I try to do flexibility stretching and exercise on Monday, Wednesday & Fridays. Stretch on weekends. If you get cosmetic surgery like a BBL, breast job etc. make sure it’s fitting for your frame. 

7. Lastly, this doesn’t apply to aesthetics but I feel as though black women have to DO SOMETHING to be snatched up as trophy wives. We don’t get pulled into that position just for being pretty as often as white woman do. For example, Alexis O. Of Reddit wifed Serena Williams who is the best tennis player in the world. Not some random girl he thought was cute. Prince Harry wifed Megan Markle who was not only a successful actress but also had an outstanding educational background to match. Janet Jackson married billionaire businessman, Wissam Al Mana. Now of course, many of us aren’t that successful yet but hopefully you get the point. Men in positions of higher status want to know that you can fit into his lifestyle and don’t have beans for brains. Having something going for yourself also gives him something to invest in. Men like to feel needed or helpful but not used. 

Additionally, owning a business or working in corporate greater increases your chances of mingling with men in positions to make you a trophy wife. There’s a reason why college sugar babies are so successful but for women past that stage, have a career, have a small business. Do SOMETHING. It also creates a safety net for you as well. Men can be unpredictable and can do horrible things. I read an article once about a man who hid his entire fortune in offshore shell companies when him and his wife were divorcing so that she wouldn’t be able to get anything. It took her lawyer literal years to untangle that web of shell accounts he spun. Running your own business or even having a solid set of skills saves you in the event of the worst of the worst. Your life shouldn’t crumble to pieces if this man decides to divorce you. Same goes for even being the spoiled girlfriend of a wealthy man. Having a wealthy boyfriend or husband is one thing, knowing how to use him as a resource is another. Girls who truly win at this game walk away from these relationships with more than a few handbags and a baby. 

Good Luck Ladies! 🥂

[colicotq]

the return of superman ( 1 )

pairing: lee ho seok x reader

keywords

camera position

/ camera effects /

( dialogues )

* sound effects *

time

Apartment Building

( On a bright ordinary sunny day )

7:06AM

( let's meet the new family. )

Entrance, Living Room, Kitchen, Bedroom

/ pans into multiple photos hang up on the hallway, as well as the wedding photos, however, the face of the man seemed to be blurred out. /

( who could this be? )

/ zooms the different toys scattered all over the floor in the living room. /

Parents Bedroom

/ zooms into the large bed where a large blanket is taking over. then there's a sudden movement under the pile of blanket /

( they seem to be waking up! )

( eomma is the first person to wake up in the house! )

y/n sits up, letting out an audible groan as she stretches out his limbs as she pushes the fluffy blanket aside. then rolling over to plant kisses on the chubby cheeks of the smaller bodies still sleeping soundly beside her. then to the little one on the other side.

/ zoom into the little bundle sleeping in the crib / * coo *

( the little ones are still in deep sleep. )

"i need to prepare breakfast before they wake up." y/n mumbles to herself, with a slight rasp in her voice from just waking up, she gets from bed and heads onto the kitchen.

* confused * ( it seems like the new superman isn't at home. ) ( wonder where he could be this early in the morning? )

Kitchen

y/n moves about the kitchen expertly, preparing breakfast for everyone, making sure that your quiet and the pans aren't clanging too much that will wake up the kids.

/ pans to the food beautifully laid out on the table /

* amazement * ( eomma prepared so many nutritious, delicious foods for everyone to enjoy! )

( eomma made gyeran-mari, doenjang-jjigae and japgokbap. )

( of course, some fruits too! )

Parents Bedroom

a little girl pushes herself up, scratching the back of her head, the mess that is her hair stuck in every direction.

( oh! it seems like someone has woken! )

she looks around the room until her eyes lands on one of the cameras perched on the wall ( freezes ), she rocks from side to side making sure her eyes are trained on it ( flinches ).

( the camera follows her every movement )

she quickly crawls off the large bed and shuffles sleepily out of the room.

Kitchen, Living room

the little girl pauses ( startled ) cautiously she approaches the tent and peeks inside. she spots a man sitting inside clad in all dark coloured clothing. she bops her head ( nice to meet you ) as a greeting then carefully backs away.

"good morning, ha eun!" y/n greets her, as you got down on your knees and opening up your arm for a hug, ha eun runs into your arm as she buries her face in the crooks of your neck. you pressed little kisses on her temple. ( so much love in the morning ) * awe *

"good morning, eomma..." ha eun mumbles as she fiddles with the cloth of your shirt "did you have a good sleep?" ( so caring! this home really is full of love )

"yes, i did. how about you? did you get a good sleep?" you asked, running the palm of your over her ha eun’s hair to tame it down.

ha eun nods and swivels around pointing at the vj tent.

“eomma, there’s cameras.”

“yes, there is. can you tell me how many of the tents are in here?” you asked.

“there are three.” * cheers * * amazement * ( she can count at this age already? truly an amazing family! )

“good job! did you tell them your good morning yet?” you asked, ha eun shook her head, “can you tell them good morning and ask if they slept well?”

“yes.” ha eun scrambled to the furthest tent, pushing aside the flaps peeking her head in, “good morning uncle. did you have a good sleep?”

“yes, i had a great sleep.”

ha eun nods in satisfaction and quickly moves to the other tent. asking about their sleep. after that, ha eun walks over to the table and pulling on the high chair. carefully climbing and seating herself, watching you move about in the kitchen.

“ha eun, are you hungry?”

ha eun shook her head ‘no’.

“i’ll wait for ha yoon to wake up. i want to eat with her.” *coo * ( eating meals with people is satisfying and fulfilling rather than being alone. )

"where’s appa?"

"appa is at the gym right now. but, he'll be back soon."

"eomma, is the baby okay?"

( baby? what ha eun talking about? )

/ flashback to the kitchen earlier on / / zoom in to your growing belly / ( y/n is currently two months pregnant! ) * coo *

“yes, the baby is okay! are you worried about your little sibling?”

ha eun nods her head.

“i want them to be as healthy and happy as chin hae.” * coo *

( ha eun is definitely a caring and thoughtful noona )

Entry way

* beeping of the door passcode * * the sound of the doorknob turning *

/ slow motion, a figure approaches /

( who is it? )

"good morning." ho seok greets, placing his gym bag on the sofa.

( it's wonho a.k.a lee ho seok! ) * amazement *

ho seok: hello, my name is lee ho seok, but i am mainly known as wonho. nice to meet you.

/ photo of lee ho seok and y/n together / ( they have been dating since 2021) ( ho seok and y/n met through acquaintances who y/n met during her trip in seoul )

/ flashes their wedding photo hung up on their wall / ( they got married after 3 years of dating )

( then... )

/ a photo of y/n's ultrasound / / a video of y/n's bare swollen belly while ho seok ran his large hands over it / ( appa is very excited to meet them! ) * coo *

/ a video of their twin girls as newborn babies, ha eun being held by ho seok in his arms while ha yoon laid in the hospital bassinet sleeping soundly / ( they welcomed their baby girls after a year of marriage )

( ha yoon being 3 minutes older than ha eun )

( chin hae followed after ) /an ultrasound photo of chin hae / / the girls excitedly and patiently waiting for their little brother to come out, while talking to her belly /

( they are excited to become a noona! )

/ a video of ha eun and ha yoon placing a peck his chubby cheeks / ( sweet kisses )

/ video footage of chin hae being guarded by his noonas while appa and eomma are doing housechores / * coo *

( they seem really good noona's to chin hae! )

ho seok: i am a proud father of three beautiful children. 20-month-old twins, ha eun and ha yoon and 6-month-old, chin hae. say hello.

ha yoon: my name is lee ha yoon and i'm 20-months-old. *amazement*

ha eun: nice meet you. i am ha eun ( they speak so well ) ( they seem like a loving family )

ho seok: and this our youngest, chin hae. ha yoon, ha eun, how old is your little brother?

ha eun: 20 years old.

ho seok: 20? no, he’s 6 months.

( why did you decide to come onto the return of superman? )

ho seok: i have a hectic schedule. i come home everyday at really late hours, i only ever see them asleep. my wife stays and takes care of them and when i do get a chance to play with them and talk to them, it happens during in the morning. then i leave again. i want to be a part of children’s life and i want to be a good dad. i already cleared half of my schedule for them but i feel it isn’t enough. this show will definitely bridge the gap that is growing between us. so, please, enjoy.

“appa.” ha eun held out her hand, wanting to be carried by her dad, ho seok complies and hooking his large hand on her armpits and lifting her up. he lets her rest on his arm as he peppers her cheeks with kisses, ha eun rest her head on his shoulder.

“did you sleep well?”

“appa, i missed you.” said ha eun, not answering his question.

“did you miss appa?”

“yes. you’re always away.”

( how did it feel when ha eun said that?)

ho seok: it hurts a lot and it makes me sad. it shows that they’re always looking for me and i missed out so many things, they wanted to experience things with me. don’t worry, ha eun, ha yoon and chin hae, i will make it up for you. i love you.

Parents Bedroom

( shuffle ) ha yoon wriggles around the bed and rolled onto her stomach.

ha yoon sits up with her eyes closed, her face all scrunched up and hair as well as ha eun is sticking out in every direction. ( still sleepy )

“appa.” ha yoon calls out croakily ( did she wake up by the sound of her dad’s voice? )

“appa!” ha yoon calls out again, though louder than the first time.

just in time, ho seok walks through the door with ha eun in his arms.

( superman has come to save the day! ) * awe *

“i’m here, i’m here.” ho seok gestures for ha yoon to come to his arm whilst still holding ha eun. ha yoon carefully crawls over to the foot of the bed, ho seok leans in to pick her up carefully and shifting her in a comfortable position on his hip.

“ha yoon, good morning. did you sleep well? hm?”

ha yoon didn’t respond ( still sleepy ), leaning her head on the crooks of ho seok’s neck, warily watches the camera around the bedroom.

( spy, spy )

Kitchen/Dining

“ha yoon! you’re awake! ha eun was waiting patiently for you to wake up so, you could eat together.” said y/n as you take out their food bowls and training chopsticks, laying them out on their high chair table.

/ zoom into ha yoon’s sleepy face / ( thank you for waiting patiently for me ha eun )

ho seok carefully placed them into their high chair as you serve them their food. ho seok carefully gathers ha eun’s hair into a small ponytail and ties it with a hair tie he found laying around on the night stand that he now had around his wrists.

ho seok then proceed to place the bib around their neck.

/ zoom into ha yoon reaching for her training chopsticks and poking her little fingers through the plastic loops. / / zoom into ha eun who giddily watches eomma serve her platter while clutching onto the bright pink spoon /

“say thank you for the food.” ho seok request as he took a seat.

/ zoom /

“thank you for the food.” ha yoon mumbles before digging in to the doenjang-jjigae, taking a spoonful of it.

( ha yoon loves eomma’s doenjang-jjigae! she eats so gracefully! )

/ zoom /

“thank you.” ha eun says as she scoops some doenjang-jjigae into her tray full of japgokbap and mixing it around.

* amazement * ( ha eun definitely knows how to eat well )

/ zooms into ho seok who eats scarfs down a bowl of doenjang-jjigae /

( they got it from their appa )

/ zoom / ha yoon watches ho seok closely as he bring the edge of the bowl to his lips,

“appa, you eat so well.” ha yoon compliments.

“appa eats well?” ho seok smiles,

“yes.”

“everyone needs to eat well so they can grow up to be strong and healthy.” ho seok explains, sending the 20-month-old set of twins into deep thought.

“eomma, you need to eat too, you need to be healthy and the baby needs to be healthy.” ha eun orders,

( so thoughtful )

“eomma, if you don’t eat. the baby is going to be upset. right, appa?” ha yoon asked,

“yes, can you tell eomma to eat well?”

“eomma, you need to eat lots of food for the baby!” ha eun declares.

“yes, i will eat very well.” you say.

then the sound of chin hae’s cries resonated throughout the whole apartment.

“chin hae, appa is coming!”

ho seok immediately stands up and rushes to the bedroom.

Parent’s Bedroom

chin hae had tears running down his cheeks as he stood being supported by the railing of his crib. sobbing.

“it’s okay! it’s okay!” ho seok comforts as he bounces the little 6-month-old baby who calmed in the arms of his father.

( chin hae is the safest in his appa’s arms. )

ho seok peppers his hairy head with kisses.

“hm? did you sleep well? did you get scared because your noona’s weren’t in the same room?” ho seok asked,

( yes. )

Kitchen, Dining

chin hae is cuddled up against ho seok as feeds him baby food. his little boy would enthusiastically bang his tiny hands on the table whenever he sees ho seok dips the spoon back into the jar of baby food, the eagerly opens his little mouth when the spoon comes to approach him.

( chin hae eats so well too! )

( twins focused on their food )

“i have an announcement today!” ho seok says.

/ slow motion / ( what will the announcement be? )

( is it a new toy? )

“eomma is going out today. you will stay with appa the whole day! are you excited?” ho seok announced with a huge grin.

( quiet ) * laughs *

“are you not excited for appa?”

( quiet )

“appa, we’re eating right now.” ha eun says.

( how well will the day turn? )

[kosmosguk]

Bloody Artistry (M) ~🥀

pairing: celeb! kim taehyung x journalist! reader; minor pairings: jungkook x reader, coworker jimin x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 8K

Summary: when the scrutiny of fame becomes too much, perfect kim taehyung finds his peace within a lavish bathroom located two blocks away from the nearest club, a corpse in the bed with him. the fans have never questioned his behavior, not when his company is much too good at cleaning up his mess to not have done it before, but when a reporter with too many questions threatens to break the peace he’s established, he finds himself in a tango with the devil that he can’t bring himself to want to break.

[Warnings: MURDER, death, literally Taehyung being a sick bastard 25/8 (but only in fiction), company corruption, violence, yandere themes, mentions of noncon smut (intoxication, mentions of being drugged, fingering), blackmail, obsession, stalking. EVERYTHING that happens in this fic is FICTION; plz don’t go busting nuts for serial killers]

A/N: Thank you to yoongissugarmommy for requesting this! Part 1 of a short series starring Taehyung. Was going to do smth similar to Lineage with him, but this has been staying in my drafts for too long (like i wrote most of this before I even wrote Lineage, which is why my writing for part of this is a bit different from my current one), and I feel like going a bit modern now to take a break from Lineage (taking a bit to write pt. 4 just because it’s the end of the main story). Thank you for 2.9k followers! We’re only less than 50 away from 3K which is so wild to think about; kisses and hugs to everyone who’s supported my work! 

“Today, in the studio, we have our nation’s golden boy, the first love of all of our viewers: Kim Taehyung. Everyone, please clap your hands for him!’’

The MC turned to grin at the audience as the audience cheered loudly; her glossy black hair swept down and framed her face delicately in perfect shiny strands. The lipstick that coated her unnaturally wide smile was a deep shade of red, stark against her pale white skin. Dressed in her primly pressed suit, she looked lovely, like a blooming rose, but as she turned to face the guest star, his presence seemed to easily outshine her own.

“Thank you for having me. It’s an honor to have an interview here and have an opportunity to see all of my lovely fans,’’ Taehyung’s deep voice rang out as he smiled in his heart-swooning way, flashing pure-white teeth handsomely in a carefully maintained and practiced way that made all the fans, both in the studio and watching from beyond a screen, unable to resist letting out shrieks and screams.

“Now, Taehyung-ssi, with a record-breaking album that topped the charts as soon as it came out and a modelling gig that sells out magazines faster than before, how does it feel to have really made it? It must stress you out. Any tips on how to relax?’’

Taehyung leaned back slightly in his seat, his smile flashing coy for a brief second before settling into a rehearsed contemplative expression. He shrugged his shoulders, letting them drop out, as he made a soft hmm noise.

“How I relax? It’s not that big of a deal, really, but that’s an interesting question to ask, noona,’’ Taehyung widened his eyes slightly, looking ever so much like the golden boy persona he had stickered upon his reputation,’’ When I’m really, really stressed, I like to play with Tannie, my dog, and eats lots of yummy food that my mom sends to me when I get stressed. Also, my manager Namjoon is a good person to talk to when I’m really stressed; he always knows what to do and say.’’ Taehyung tapped the tip of his nose lightly, scrunching his face in an expression that made fans coo in adoration. “I also like to think of my fans and read all the letters they’ve sent me. I saved all of my letters from my beloved fans since my debut, and I like looking through them.’’

“Hey, Kim Namjoon, fucking hurry up,” Taehyung hissed into the cellphone pressed against his flawless cheek,” My shoes are going to get stained at this point. You know blood is a pain to properly get out of letter.’’

“Were you at least careful this time? We don’t want rumors getting out,” Namjoon’s voice crackled over the receiver, barely a hint of emotion in his voice. The beeping and honking of cars on his side of the phone call signaled the rush his manager was making towards his location.

Taehyung huffed in agitation, clicking his tongue sharply in annoyance as he skimmed his nails for any trace of dried blood. “Oh, come on, you think I really even care at this point? With the way the company takes care of everything, you’d think perfect ol’ me was…well perfect. But still, aren’t you guys way too good at this job? 7 girls and not even a peek from the public. Who else do you do this for, huh? Suga-sunbae? J-hope-sunbae?”

There was no reply. Taehyung threw his gaze over to the practically mangled body. Too bad, he thought to himself, she was really pretty this time. Red lipstick, silky black hair, wanted to become better acquainted with such a famous celebrity after her little interview, the whole fanatic spiel tied with a pretty bow of the title of an mc. She would’ve never thought that she’d go from being a bed-warmer to being so cold.

“I must be right then, huh? Suga-sunbae I can see, but J-Hope-sunbae��’’ Taehyung whistled lowly under his breath. “I thought you’d at least deny that. It’s the bright ones you gotta watch out for.’’

A dial noise was the only response. Did…Did this bastard hang up on him? Taehyung grimaced before three knocks rang on the door of the hotel suite, a signal from his asshole manager that Namjoon had finally arrived. Taehyung rolled back his shoulders, his joints crackling a little, and made sure all of his jewelry was perfectly back in place before he opened the door.

As Namjoon shuffled in with some of the staff members, Taehyung clasped his silver watch around his wrist with a soft click. He rolled his neck, trying to get the stiffness out of it, and exposed purple marks and bruises from the bites the now dead girl had given him when they had been fucking earlier.

Finally, his headache was gone.

You chugged down a cup of stale coffee and wiped the dribble of liquid that escaped the corner of your mouth as you clicked off some article about a newbie mc receiving slander after rumors of her making moves on a popular idol was exposed and disappearing to avoid the backlash. Squinting at your screen with dry eyes, you pursed your lips and snapped the laptop shut, pushing the device away from you in an agitated huff.

“Wbat’s got you in the gutters, huh? Let me guess…,’’ Park Jimin, your desk mate, rolled his chair over to your side, his glasses askew on his nose,” Ah, your favorite celebrity go into a dating scandal? Let me think, who was it that recently go into a scandal… Oh, is it that pretty boy from a new idol group?’’

You gave him the stink-eye, and your sigh this time was even louder.

“You’d think there’d be something more…interesting going with these celebrities that we could get our hands on. Too much money, lots of stress, yet no story that’ll really seize the audience by surprise, and don’t you dare say a dating scandal would do it. Boss’s been on my case for the whole week on writing an article to shock the audience and wants me to release a major headliner story in two weeks, or that asshole’ll fire me. Damn it, Kim Seokjin!” you hissed out before slamming your forehead onto the desk.

“Man, be careful with your volume; if he hears your tone, he’ll chew you out for another hour that you could be using to research. Boss Kim is picky like that with everyone because our company’s a small piece of seaweed in a system dominated by crustaceous predators.” Jimin poked you in the side jokingly, his plush lips spread in a wide smile that lit up his exhausted face. “Just think really hard; use that big brain of yours and focus on a celebrity. Come on, no one’s perfect, even that one super famous idol Kim Taehyung must have some flaws, so don’t sweat it.”

“That golden boy? Man, the whole nation’s pussy-whipped for him. He couldn’t possibly be anything bu—,’’ you sharply inhaled before pushing your seat back and rapidly swiveling to face Jimin,’’ Park. Fucking. Jimin. Oh my God, you’re a fucking genius! A whole career with not even a speck of dirt… Come on, even pure-faced idol Soyeon was caught with a scandal last month. There must be something on the nation’s golden boy!’’

Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise with your sudden outburst, and he opened his mouth to speak. “Be careful about the way you go when you try to fish out info on him. His company’s security isn’t something easy to get through, and not a single celeb from that company has gotten into a single scandal. No reporters been able to get any dirt from them…”

“Which means that…there’s something sketchy happening. Jimin, Jimin, have I told you I’m in love with you?’’

You turned around quickly in your chair, spinning in glee. Jimin dropped his mouth open to sputter something, and his cheeks were tinging red, but you weren’t looking at or even listening to Jimin at hat point, having already cracked open your laptop to furiously type Kim Taehyung into Naver. This was it! Your big break! Your motivation sky-rocketed, and you felt the first rush of energy that wasn’t fueled by some caffeinated drink in a long while.

Two hours later, you were ready to throw up.

All of the results were sickeningly the same bullshit, as what was expected for someone as beloved by the nation as Kim Taehyung was. You couldn’t fathom the amount of fancams and magazine spreads of him posing on some brown leather sofa and fact pieces—hell, you even knew what kind of socks the man liked—that you had spent the past hours scrolling through.

Realizing that the office was nearly empty, and that the sky was dimming into a dark hue, you were about to shut down your laptop and call it a long fucking day when a tweet on someone’s SNS caught your eye.

@truth-teller: kim taehyung? nation’s golden boy? are you all really sure about that nonsense?

The tweet was spammed with angered replies, so many that the thread seemed to stretch on for at least a mile, but your interest was piqued. This was the first word of slander you had ever witnessed against Taehyung. You quickly pounded out a message to the account.

@name_01: hey, I saw your tweet about taehyung! Do you perhaps have any more information on him? I find him suspicious too.

You tapped send and waited with bated breath for a reply. Minutes crept by, and you were about to turn off your phone and head out of work when you noticed three dots pop up, dancing before disappearing.

@truth-teller: you fr? I had to suspend my acc because of all the spam I got. No one’s believed me on it, but I have proof

You chewed on your lip. What if this was a joke, and you were just wasting your time on some internet troll with too much time on their hands. It seemed like you were taking too long to reply because another message popped up.

@truth-teller: if you don’t believe me then that’s fine. I don’t have to waste my time

@name_01: WAIT! Sorry, it took me a second to comprehend this information… Please tell me more.

You were worried that the account wouldn’t reply anymore, and that you had ruined your opportunity before the three dots popped up again and another message was sent.

@truth-teller: ok, if you want to find out more let’s move to a better messaging platform, just in case my acc gets suspended by more fans. here’s my number: xxx-xxx-xxxx

It was a gamble to send some stranger on the internet your number, but at this point, you were too desperate to really give a damn. There was a story just out of the reach of your fingertips; you would be a fool to deny the carrot on a stick you were being provided.

@name-01: okay, I’ll message you.

Name: hey! Truth-teller right? This is me from the messages

JK: yeah that’s me. I prefer JK when I’m not on sns tho

Name: I’m (y/n). I don’t mean to sound like I’m hurrying you, but I want to hear what you have to say about Taehyung.

JK: lol r u a reporter or smth? Real bossy of you keke

You sucked in a breath. Should you reveal that?

Name: haha would it be bad if I said I was?

There was no response for the next 15 minutes. Exhaling a long sigh, you decided that you should at least maneuver your way home; the office had been cleared out completely during your conversation with this JK, and you couldn’t help the creeps that the emptiness gave you. If anything, the walk back to your place would give you some outlet for the nervous energy radiating throughout you. You were nearly at the door of your apartment when your phone vibrated in your pocket, signaling a message.

JK: just checking. Makes sense that you’re one though. It’d be nice if you could break this story out, but I hope you trust me enough after I tell you what I know

You clicked the door shut behind you, your eyebrows creased as you stared at your phone screen.

Name: don’t worry. I trust you!

You dropped your bag down onto the sofa before throwing your body onto the seat. The three dots under JK’s name popped up for several minutes before disappearing. In the place of the three dots, a long message had been typed out.

JK: I didn’t really think much of taehyung when I first heard about him since he’s the nation’s golden boy or whatever bs title they call him nowadays, but my sister’s friend was a big fan of him. she went out with my sister and they met him in some shady club in gangnam. my sister’s friend got to talk to him exclusively and my sister got separated from her and got a text from her friend saying that she had smth come up and she already went home. she tried to contact her friend the day after, but she got a text back saying that her friend wasn’t feeling well. my sister’s friend was “best friends’’ with her but she didn’t contact my sister again until a week later saying she got a job opportunity overseas and already was about to board on the plane because it was important she got there fast. my sister’s friend didn’t contact her again like she dropped off the face of the earth

You pursed your lips in contemplation as you tapped out a message back, your nails clicking against the screen.

Name: ?? Are you sure that isn’t a coincidence?

JK: yeah, I thought so too but it was rly sus that my sister’s friend who had known my sister for 12 years to suddenly go overseas for a job opportunity without telling her at all. and when my sister tried to get new contact info from her friend there was no reply. but I got curious and since I do some computer work for my job i wanted to see if I could track the ip address of her phone but there was nothing. her last previous ip was all the way back in gangnam and my sister’s friend lived in incheon. that was a red flag so I decided to go talk to the landlord at my sister’s friend’s old apartment and the landlord said he didn’t see her come back since before that night but woke up to a fully paid lease and the apartment cleared out 

You squinted your eyes at the screen, unable to properly process the information that this so-called JK had just given you. Chewing on your lip, you closed your eyes briefly before opening them back up and typing back a message.

Name: anything else? Sorry…just seems a bit far-fetched.

JK: think whatever then. I have to go to work now

Right when JK’s message popped up, another message pinged on your cell. You refused to let yourself ponder more on JK’s last message as you clicked on your friend’s text notification.

Platonic LOML <3: BAE, R U FREE TONIGHT? I’m lonely n want someone to come with me to this club— ik you’re not into clubs but pretty please

You were about to reply with a refusal when JK’s words came up to your mind again. You didn’t know why, but there was a sharp feeling in your gut that told you that you couldn’t miss this opportunity Call it silly intuition or some coincidental fabrication spurned by your mind, but that feeling persisted until you typed out a reply to your friend.

Name: okay fine. Come over in 30.

Taehyung swirled the liquid in his glass, watching the deep burgundy of the wine stain the glass a soft pink. His head was hurting again, and the new medication he had been taking for them on advice of the company didn’t work.

He scanned the dim, musty club, watching the pulsating lights cloak the dancing bodies in sallow shades of pale yellow. This club was a downgrade from his previous celebrity-exclusive club that he had gone to the previous week, but his manager had told him that if he really wanted peace, he should choose an area where no one would really know him.

Taehyung knew the real reason why his manager had insisted on this. Deaths of other celebrities were much harder to cover up after all.

Pity he actually followed his manager’s advice for once. The wine in here, despite the bougie price tag, was complete shit and provided him a slight buzz at best. And there was no one who really caught his eye out of the crowd of people. As he was about to get up from his seat and leave the club for somewhere with better—he contemplated going back to that celebrity club just to fuck with his company—pickings, he caught sight of someone entering the club.

You looked absolutely gorgeous, swathed in a black shift that you kept fighting to keep over your ass—and god, was it a plump ass too, the kind that made Taehyung’s cock hard in his tight black pants—with hair framing your face in a breathtaking way that showed glimpses of sparkling jewelry. Your friend, some chick with dyed green hair that Taehyung didn’t bother paying attention to, was clinging onto your arm, dragging you near the dance floor.

Taehyung knew.

He couldn’t take his eyes off you.

His head seemed to clear from the mind-numbing throb it always had when he spent too much time without another victim to take his aggression out of. Feeling the cool metal of the blade he always had tucked near his body, Taehyung sat back down in his seat, a playful smile perking at the edges of his lips. Funny enough, the blood thirst that never seemed to properly leave him was gone from his mind, an occurrence that was as rare as the pills the company liked shoving down his throat actually working for once.

You maneuvered your way over to the bar, to him, your friend pouting as she noticed you leaving before melting away into the crowd of grinding bodies. Taehyung swore then and there that the attraction between you and him was absolutely magnetic, with the way you seemed to pull the other towards one another.

He watched as you ordered some pretty-colored martini, adorably scrunching your face as the burn of alcohol coated your tongue and hit the back of your throat with a singe.

Maybe, Taehyung though to himself as he propped his chin lazily on his palm, he should really start listening to his manager more often.

Your mind was in a haze, and you didn’t even notice the man next to you until he was nearly pressed to your side, barely leaving a gap of space between the two of you.

You glanced at him, your tipsy mind suddenly sobering up as you realized who the man sitting next to you was. Kim Taehyung? What the fuck was he doing here?

“Another drink for a pretty lady?” Taehyung’s teeth showed as he charmingly flashed an award-winning coquettish smile at you, his already extremely handsome features seeming to increase in beauty from the grin.

You remembered JK’s words and a chill ran up your spine. God, his messages didn’t seem so implausible now, did they? Goosebumps rose up on your skin, freezing you to the bar table. Were…Were you his next victim?

You swallowed dryly as you tried to calm your racing heartbeat. The side of you that was a reckless journalist wanted to take a nosedive at the headliner just out of reach, but the rational side of you knew that leap of faith had a much bigger chance of you ending up disappearing off for a new job opportunity overseas, as Taehyung’s company would have it. You couldn’t write a good story if you were dead, after all.

“Thank you, but I can pay for my own drinks,’’ your lips twitched slightly as you forced them into a hopefully convincing gentle smile, refusing his offer softly before moving your body casually a few inches away from him,” Having drinks bought by strangers isn’t really my thing.”

Your smile must’ve looked a hell of a lot less nervous than you actually felt and a lot more convincing too because Taehyung’s shoulders, which had previously been winded like he was a predator getting ready to pounce on prey, seemed to relax at your words.

There was a dark gleam in his eyes when he again invaded your personal space and pushed his body near yours. He leaned in and whispered softly into your ears, his voice clear despite the early 2010s hits blaring from the speakers by the dance floor.

“If you’re scared of strangers, why don’t we get to know each other a bit?’’

Your fake smile grew stiff on your face. You felt like you were going to hurl the convenience store meal of ramen that you had scarfed before coming to the club all over the bar and Taehyung’s expensive luxury bran clothes. You could feel a sense of dread in your bones, the kind a prey animal would feel as a predator focused its carnivorous attention on them.

You forced a fake laugh, trying to drive the message that you were just not interested to Taehyung as loud and clear as you could manage.

“No thanks; I have enough people I’m close to. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ve left my friend alone for far too long on the dance floor.”

You pushed yourself off the bar table, flashing a strained polite smile before you headed over the dance floor, trying to keep your pace slow and steady instead of breaking out into the outright run you wanted to do.

Taehyung inhaled the linger scent of your perfume, a natural smell that sweetly layered itself over the damp musky air of the club. His eyes, even as you tried to focus on the pounding music and forget the fear embedded deeply in your gut, never seemed to leave your form. Even when you burrowed yourself deeply into the crowd away from his view, you could still feel it.

You found yourself painfully sober after that encounter, trying to look normal in front of your friend for the rest of the night that seemed to painstakingly drag on for eternity. Even when you had the short 2-minute walk from the cab you took to your front door, you didn’t stop looking over your shoulder, still feeling the chill that came with the thought of Taehyung’s gaze. When you got inside your home, the bubbling nausea in your stomach took control over you, and you ended up heaving your dinner down the toilet.

When you managed to somewhat pull yourself together, you typed out a quick message with practically shaking fingers to the only one you could think of in that moment would understand what you were feeling, You stared at your unsent message before hastily pressing send.Name: I didn’t know who to talk to, but I saw Taehyung at the club today. I think you’re right about what you said about Taehyung.

Name: I didn’t know who to talk to, but I saw Taehyung at the club today. I think you’re right about what you said about Taehyung.

Ping!

You barely managed to fall asleep that night, and your eyes painfully ached when you peeled your eyelids open, hurriedly grabbing your phone and turning it on to check your messages.

JK: what happened? Sry for late response. Job keeps me busy all night

Your fingers flew over the keyboard as you typed out your message, furrowing your eyebrows in concentration as you tried to relay the events of your night in hopefully comprehensible words.

Name: I went with my friend to some sketchy club idk what area at this point but I went to the bar and I felt someone come up to me ?? I turned and realized it was Taehyung, and he offered to buy me a drink but I declined. Makes me sick how I could’ve been his next victim, so I tried to leave and go back to where there was more ppl in the club, But I can’t stop thinking about the look in his eyes. There was something sickening in them, I couldn’t put my finger on it.

JK didn’t respond for a bit, and you exhaled a trembling breath when his message popped up.

JK: be careful. Im glad you managed to get away

Name: I’m scared. I didn’t know what to do, but hopefully I’ll never see him again once I get this scoop out.

JK: stay safe. Thx for telling me. Text me if anything else happens.

You let out a shaky breath before clicking your phone off, your nerves still rattled but slightly more calmed down after talking with JK. You had to get ready for work, but at this rate, you weren’t even sure how you would be able to get through the day. Maybe you should take a sick day? No, you couldn’t.

The elevator dinged closed behind you as you stepped out of it into the office. As you were about to take a seat at your desk, your boss rushed out of his office, relief, something he never showed to you, evident on his expression once he caught sight of you.

“(Y/n)! Come into my office; I have an important job for you,’’ your boss ushered you into his office without another word, practically pushing a baffled you into the room frantically,” You know the company that manages Kim Taehyung? They reached out and agreed to an exclusive one-on-one interview with Kim Taehyung only, and only, if you agreed to the interview.”

You stiffened, your body frozen as you tried to process the words your boss had just spoken. Your brain seemed to be running a marathon as you computed the words your boss said, and you could only meekly respond with a limp,” Why me? Can’t somebody…Can’t someone else take over? Boss…you know I’m not that experienced.”

Boss Kim barely paid any attention to your words as he rested a hand on your shoulder with a confident look on his face.

“Then, use this opportunity to get more experience. You want to show the world that you’re a journalist by getting a scoop? Then take this interview! You know the company never agrees to exclusive one-on-one interviews unless they’re all staged, but there wasn’t even talk of this being staged at all. If you can use this opportunity and get something big, won’t this be your biggest step towards a great journalist career?’’ your boss exclaimed,’’ If you back out, another chance like this won’t come again!”

As much of an asshole Boss Kim was sometimes, you could find the logic in his words. Besides, it must be a coincidence that Kim Taehyung wanted you specifically to give him an interview; maybe he wanted a newbie, so they wouldn’t have much experience trying to fish out personal details and twist his words.

That’s right. There was no way he even remembered what you looked like. You guys interacted for, what, a solid 2 minutes last night. And if you did this interview right, you could use it as a building block as evidence for the headliner you intended to release with what JK had told you.

You exhaled, nodding your head firmly.

“I will. I’ll take this interview.”

Boss Kim’s face brightened, making him look much more like the stereotypical handsome CEO character found in dramas. Since he always looked exhausted and stressed out, he always seemed more intimidating, an aura that seemed to scare off any thoughts about how gorgeous he actually was. You had to admit: your heart did flutter a bit at his face.

“Excellent! He’s waiting in the meeting room right now! You only need, what, six hours to prepare, right?”

Fuck, you take back that heart flutter. Boss Kim was an asshole.

“S-Sir,’’ you sputtered,” I can’t…’’

Before you even finished your words, Boss Kim was already ushering you back out of the office.

“I believe in you! You got this!”

He closed the door behind you. You swallowed back the mouthful of swears you wanted to spew before scrambling towards your desk.

You weren’t prepared, but you knew you would do anything for a scoop.

Exactly 6 hours and seventeen seconds later, you were primly seated in front of Kim Taehyung.

The seats were annoyingly too close, and you cursed Boss Kim in your heart, knowing that the reason why the chairs were placed in such an unprofessional manner was because Boss Kim wanted to create the perfect intimate setting for no cost. If you tried to extend your legs, you’d end up smacking them straight into Taehyung’s legs.  

You, although disgruntled, had to admit that there was a reason why so many major brands wanted him as their model. He was handsome under the shitty lighting of the musty club last night, but here, with his hair and makeup carefully done despite the fluorescent lighting of the room, he was every synonym of the word beautiful combined into one person.

Blond strands of his hair brushed his chiseled features, and his eyes, curved attractively and framed with delicate long wisps of eyelashes, was intensely focused on your face. He looked ever like a marble statue, carved with attention and detail to be the most perfect specimen artistry could ever create. But he wasn’t perfect; that was what you knew. And that would also be what would you get just one step ahead of him.

You swept a piece of hair and tucked it behind an ear as you scanned your hastily scribbled notes. His eyes clung to that movement, as if he was mesmerized by your every action, and you peeked a look through your lashes. Your eyes met, and you forced a stiff smile.

“Kim Taehyung-ssi,’’ you rolled your shoulders back into a proper posture, gingerly extending a hand out for him to take,” Good morning. It’s an honor to be able to do an interview with you.”

The edges of his lips tilted upward, and there was a playful glint in his eyes as his previous fiercely predatory state melted into the façade he put up in front of the public. He reached out and took your hand, throwing you off guard as he leaned in and pressed a tender kiss on the back of your hand.

“Likewise, it’s an honor to have an interview with you, (Y/n).’’

Yuck, you were going to have to wash your hands later. Anyways, what kind of person even kissed the back of people’s hands nowadays? This was the 21st century for fuck’s sake. You somehow kept your grimace to yourself.

You nervously laughed as you practically yanked your hand back out of his grasp. You casually wiped the back of your hand on the fabric of your skirt, disguising the movement as simply brushing off dust. Taehyung’s eyes didn’t leave any of your movements, and he laughed a little as he realized just what you were doing.

Oh, you were so interesting. You weren’t like the rest of them, the fans that threw themselves at him adoringly; hell, he was sure you weren’t even a fan. He was entranced. When he was close to you, the headaches seemed to fade; he didn’t want to drown himself in another body when he was with you. He didn’t want to kill when he was with you.

You ignored his burning gaze, breezing through the beginning parts of the interview. Finally, you reached the part that you had been anxiously preparing for.

“So, I heard that you’re trying out a new actor role. As a model and an artist and now an actor, we have to admit that your talents are incredibly versatile, Kim Taehyung-ssi.’’ You continued speaking. “Could you tell us a little more about this role?’’

“You flatter me too much, (Y/n).’’ He purposefully had left any formalities to the wind in this interview, a move that made you want to grind your teeth. “Yes, I was offered one of the leading roles in a new thriller movie. I’ll be acting as one of the charismatic but complex characters. I hope to show you and all of my fans a new side to Kim Taehyung.”

“Ah, a new side,’’ you nodded lightly,” Your new role as a charismatic serial killer who targets his admirers is certainly what many would call…complex. How do you go about preparing for such a twisted role?”

“Hmm…,’’ Taehyung’s lips curled up menacingly for a brief moment before fading away into a breezy smile,’’ It’s quite difficult to immerse myself into a role in which I have limited experience in, so I like to read through the script and make a map of what the character is like. What motivates him; what makes him so…complex, as you called it. I pretend to be like the character. How do I make myself think like him? That’s the question I like to try to find an answer to.”

“Ah, this is simply my personal opinion, but to truly play the character requires some true life experience…Is it possible that you’ve ever done anything similar to what the character has done in real life?”

A pin seemed to drop in that very moment from the silence that crowded the room. Everyone in the room froze and stared at you, their glances less than pleasant. You bore it all as you stared intently into his eyes. Slip up, you prayed, do something that will make you slip up. There was not even a brief soft sound in the 10 seconds that it took for Taehyung to respond.

He was rigid, the smile plastered on his face barely fading. Come on, you begged, expose yourself just a bit.

“Your response is lagging for just a bit, Kim Taehyung-ssi. It makes you seem guilty just a bit, doesn’t it?’’

He snapped out of it right then and there.

“I was simply contemplating my response. Your impatience is something not so befitting of a formal interview. To answer your question, isn’t a role just a role at the end of the day? If you think about it, I’m not the only person to have played a role like this. Many actors and actresses have done so without any thought of relating it to their real life. After all, a role is simply an imaginary self.”

You both stared into each other’s eyes, and you felt the gazes of other people around you burn into you.

You settled on a retreat. It was fine; this interview was just the first building block. You laughed lightly, throwing off the previous tense silence easily.

“Of course! We wouldn’t expect nothing but, right? We hope to see your talent truly shine through in this new role!’’

The tenseness in the room seemed to slip away right then, and the deathly gazes on you flitted away, like they were never there in the first place.

You let out a sigh as you left the interview room. God, that was terrifying, but you knew that you had to do what you had just previously done. What you had just done asserted the theory that you had. His company was hiding something about him, and that something was nothing less than downright horrific.

JK, you thought to yourself, I’m going to expose this story, just you wait.

“You weren’t just going to leave, huh?’’

You heard a familiar voice speak behind you, and you quickly spun around.

“Kim Taehyung-ssi,’’ you forced out of your throat,’’ I believed you had already left.”

“I was going to, but I wanted to speak to you about the interview. The company rarely lets me do interviews, so it was really refreshing to have one done with you. We worked so well together, and I would like to thank you for the pleasant experience you had given me with dinner. You must be starving, right?’’

You had been starving earlier, but one word from Taehyung left your stomach churning in nausea.

“No!’’ your voice was a bit too loud, so you hastily softened it,’’ No, that’s not necessary. You don’t need to thank me.”

Taehyung took steps closer to you, and you unconsciously took a step back. Noticing your movements, he looked at you and flashed a grin that might’ve looked harmless to others but outright menacing to you.

“Are you scared of me?’’ his voice was almost like a purr. You fought back a shiver, straightening your back and looking him straight in the eyes.

“No,’’ you stabilized your voice, keeping a waver out of it,” Why would I be scared of you? You’re not some higher being than me just because you’re a celebrity. You’re human, after all. But, as you can see, I have work to do, so I will have to politely decline your offer.”

“You can have the rest of the day off.”

You spun around on your heels, your gaze colliding with Boss Kim’s. When did he arrive?

“Sir! Boss! No, if I skipped out on work, I’d be a burden to everyone. Besides, I—,’’ your voice was cut off by another voice.

“It’d be good to establish a positive relationship between your company and ours. Your boss would usually be the one to go to a dinner, but I believe he already has plans. Any work you were unable to fulfill today will be taken care of.”

The voice seemed to chill you to the bone. You turned to make eyes with a man. Was he…Taehyung’s manager? Although he was handsome, the kind of handsome that was comparable with Taehyung’s, something about him churned your stomach. While Taehyung was like a predator waiting to pounce on his prey, the man behind this voice was already sinking his teeth into the neck, wringing out the… You snapped out of your thoughts.

Snap out of it, you mentally scolded yourself.  

“How about it?’’ Taehyung’s manager coldly smiled, his tone like glaciers.

You opened your mouth to try to refute, but with the burning gaze from your boss, you could only dip your head in a bow, your voice low.

“Thank you for the offer. I accept.”

They couldn’t kill you, right? It’d be too obvious.

You followed them out, and when you passed by Boss Kim, you made a panicked glance at him. What greeted you made you halt briefly in your pace.

When Boss Kim made eye contact with you, he patted your shoulder in what should’ve been reassurance. His lips spread out in a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Don’t disappoint me, hmm?’’

His words, spoken low and steady, left a chill in your veins as you kept walking, and the sliding doors of the elevator dinged close behind you, effectively trapping you with Taehyung and his manager.

You somehow made it out of the elevator and through the tense car ride alive. Now, you were seated next to Taehyung himself in the private room of a restaurant. Smoke rose from the grill, briefly obscuring your view of his manager from across you.

You tried to think positively of the situation. If Taehyung was drunk, maybe he’d slip up, but…you made a furtive glance at his manager from across the grill, slightly jolting when your eyes collided with his own. The fear that nearly overcame you made you nauseous.

“A drink?”

Taehyung’s voice broke the tense silence, and you turned to see him already raising his glass. You stiffly smiled, barely managing to keep the nervous twitch out of the curves of your lips.

“I don’t drink.”

“It’s impolite to decline a friendly offer. Come on, a toast to a wonderful…partnership.” Taehyung chuckled, raising his glass, as he leaned his chin onto the propped palm of his hand,” And we wouldn’t want a bad start to it.”

You were panicking by now, but you could imagine what Boss Kim would say if Taehyung’s company pulled out because of something so miniscule. You couldn’t afford to lose your job, not with the way you had fought tooth and nail to get your position; you wouldn’t last a month without your job or the meager protection it gave you.

You made your decision, a decision you would’ve done anything else but avoid, and tilted the glass up, clinking it against Taehyung’s glass. Turning away, you made it look like you were lightly sipping the drink, but you only allowed the liquid to slightly wet your lips. You set down the still-full glass and smiled pleasantly.

“I can only drink this much. Anymore, and I would experience terrible side effects.”

Taehyung didn’t seem even irked by your feeble attempt at pretending; instead, his eyes filled with amusement. He didn’t stop staring at you, and the threatening vibe of it caused you to unconsciously delve into your habit of gripping your glass of water and drinking it in an attempt to calm your nerves.

You placed the empty glass back down before resuming anxiously picking at your food. A pair of chopsticks—specifically Taehyung’s chopsticks—placed a piece of barbecued meat on your bowl of rice.

“Not feeling hungry? You need to eat. Skipping meals is bad for your health,’’ Taehyung beamed as he watched you carefully pick up the piece of meat and eat it. It would’ve been delicious any other time, but the churning in your gut made it taste like sand in your mouth. You dryly swallowed it.

“I’m heading to the restroom.”

You heard Taehyung’s manager speak in his flat tone, and you threw a skittish glance at him as he stood up and walked out of the private room, closing the door with a soft click behind him.

“Ah, now that that nuisance is out of the way, why don’t we talk more?’’ Taehyung’s tone was playful, and you flinched as he leaned closer to you, his breath brushing against the outer shell of your ear.

“Kim Taehyung-ssi,’’ you gritted the name through your teeth,” Please respect my personal space.”

He laughed lowly before he dropped a hand on your thigh. You were about to make a move to push him away, but your body suddenly felt tired, like you weren’t quite in control anymore.

“Come on, do what I say, and your little news company will do so much better. Your boss didn’t tell you this, but your company’s going bankrupt. One peep from me, and your company will rise in ranking, but I can only do that if I’m in a…happy mood.”

Taehyung pressed even closer to you, his nose against the curve of your neck as he inhaled your scent deeply in. His hands moved from his side and he ripped open the buttons of your shirt, groping your bra-covered tits. You let out an incoherent mumble in response, trying to flimsily kick at him.

Where was the waiter? Why was his manager taking so long? They planned this!

Disgust and heat coiled in your gut, but you were too dizzy to move. Something…that bastard…Did he spike your water? You were too careless, fuck. Taehyung moved one hand to tilt your chin up before his lips met yours. Despite how sloppy of a kiss it was, you could tell he was experienced, practically tasting every inner crevice of your soft mouth with his tongue, and you should’ve continued to be revolted, but whatever pill in your system had you melting into his mouth.

Taehyung seemed to sense the turmoil and conflict in you and the soft give of your will, and that seemed to make him even braver. He slid a hand up your skirt, his touch hot even through the fabric of your stockings, and you let out a startled moan against his lips, drool dribbling down the corners of your mouth. He pulled back, and you could barely see through the teary haze of your eyes. It had been too long since the last time you had a good fuck. You just wanted to be touched…wanted to be fucked so hard his cock would press against your womb.  

“I just want to see you let go a bit, baby,’’ there was the triumph of domination in his voice. The sober part of you wanted to rebel, wanted to push and scream and kick him away, but you weren’t sober, weren’t clear-minded. Your legs spread as if begging for more of his touch.

He ripped his fingers through your stocking, and the material easily gave way underneath his strength. You could feel the damp spot on your panties, growing as he rubbed his fingertips against your drooling pussy. You shivered slightly in delirious pleasure as his finger rolled over your throbbing clit.  

“Mmph!’’ you let out a sound as he pushed your soaked panties to the side and pushed his fingers deep into your pussy. You couldn’t object, not when your pussy was stretching with a spine-tingling ache around his fingers, and especially not when he begin to set a teasing pace. He pushed his fingers in, and you shut your eyes in shame as your moans grew louder.

Your toes curled as his movements grew faster, reaching deep into you, and you were so, so close. Oh my god you could feel…and you were cumming hard. Your walls shivered and twitched around his still moving fingers, and you murmured a dazed plea as he finally stilled and pulled his fingers out. You, still twitching from how hard you came earlier, were ashamed to see the way his fingers glistened with the remnants of your arousal and orgasm.

The sound of his pants being unclasped drew you out of your drugged state. No, he wasn’t going to…Come on, snap out of it, snap out of it.

He drew back closer again, and you sucked in a breath, trying to push through your daze. He leaned in. You managed to bring your arms up to the table, grabbing the nearest object that you could reach. Your trembling fingers closed around your nearly empty water glass, and you took it, raising it and smashing it as hard as you could over his head. Water, ice cubes, and glass shards struck as the glass broke. Taehyung, not expecting the blow, had a temporary moment of weakness, and you managed to push him off you.

You shoved yourself up onto shaky legs, wrapping the ripped blouse around your weakened body, and forced yourself into a run outside of the room. The hallway of the restaurant around the private rooms was empty, devoid of any person. You frantically looked over your shoulder, relieved that you didn’t see him coming after you. This was a public place, though it was late at night, and you knew Taehyung wouldn’t risk his perfect reputation. But still, you remembered his manager was still out there.

You couldn’t let them kill you…You had to survive! You broke into a blind run, ignoring the strange looks and the calls you got from the restaurant’s staff as you pushed out of the restaurant into the street. You kept running despite the dizziness of your mind, and you could barely see what was in front of you before…You crashed into someone, slamming into their body so hard that you were sent sprawling to the ground.

“Please…,’’ you choked out, your voice strangled, crying out a desperate plea as you grabbed onto their clothes,’’ Please help me.”

Your mind was dizzy, splotches of colors splattering your blurry vision. Your body had overexerted yourself, and you prayed that you wouldn’t end up a dead body on the news as your grip around the clothes went lip, and you collapsed into the road. Through the buzzing of your ears, you could hear a startled voice call out, feel a firm touch grab your shoulders and try to shake you awake. Some strange hope rose in you; maybe…maybe…?

You murmured desperately one last mumble, your words barely making sense, as you spiraled into unconsciousness.  

“JK…please help me.”

A/N: if you want to be added to the taglist for the next part, reply with a  ❤️. If you enjoyed the story, please leave a comment or a detailed review below <3

Next work will be a fic for Jungkook’s upcoming birthday. Poll will be released soon for what kind of plot it should have!