#my cat freaked out and started yelling at me and pressed against me until i could get up again

[battywitch]

🙄

[qin-qin16]

OMYGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH 🙏

Basically reader has family issues, especially mommy issues, and killer finds out about that maybe seeing bruises, finding about them crying silently, idk. a scenario i would really like is going on a sleepover with killer, and then maybe as they want to try silly pjs, he spots bruises and as he asks reader about them they burst into tears

i would prefer reader to be female, but please dont make her act too feminine, maybe like you would a gender neutral act, even better masculine

thank you so much

cw: Killer x Reader, gn!reader, hurt/comfort, talk about past abuse, slightly mommy issues, Killer is trying to be a good shoulder to cry on… 

note: I hope this, even a little, makes your day better!

"I'm just giving you a heads-up: I talk in my sleep." 

"Is this for real, or are you just trying to freak me out?" You don't even lift your gaze to Killer, choosing instead to keep arranging the sheets on your makeshift bed on the floor.

"Totally serious! One time, Color threw holy water on me because he thought I was possessed." This made you snort a little and then, finally, you looked at Killer, one eyebrow raised.

"That doesn’t really sound like him."

"Come on! Have a little faith in your friend here!" he says dramatically, throwing his hands up, "And Color is way more of an idiot than he lets on! He might seem grumpy and serious, but he's just as goofy as any other Sans." He then crosses his arms, looking pleased with his point.

"Does that apply to you too?" His victorious look fades quickly, but then is replaced by a smug grin. 

"Of course not! I’m better than any other Sans!" You roll your eyes at his arrogant claim, but your smile mirrors his.

"Alright, alright, oh great Sans, hand me my pajamas." You quickly grab a pillow and throw it at him, but, as expected, he easily dodges it and then grabs the same pillow to toss it back at you, which you don’t even notice until it hits your face.

"Nah, I’ve got a better idea." He then jumps onto your bed and heads for one of the closets in his room. Before you could yell at him for messing up your freshly arranged covers, he comes back with two soft onesies,  both featuring a cat theme (which didn't surprise you at all).

"See? Best friends need matching pajamas for their sleepover." Killer extends the orange onesie toward you; the hood is adorned with two fluffy ears, and there are stripes on the back and sleeves made of the same fabric, resembling soft cat fur.

"They’re so soft!" you say after feeling the fabric against your hands. "Okay, you’ve convinced me: you are the best Sans there is." You dash to the bathroom in the room, eager to try on the onesie as soon as possible.

"I know, I know, I’m the best!"

"Don’t let it go to your head!" you call out with a laugh, imagining Killer’s grumpy face behind the door.

Finally alone, you start to undress. The light above the mirror flickers from time to time, but the dim light is enough to reveal the marks on your body: bruises, scratches; some old, others newer with redness still showing, and one near your left rib that had just recently gone down.

It wasn’t a pretty sight, you knew that, but it wasn’t like you could avoid it. The situation at home was unpredictable and chaotic, yet it was still the only scenario you could think of for your survival. For a while, you stayed like that: holding your shirt in one hand as your eyes scanned each of the bruises on your skin.

"Hey! You won't believe what I—" The door slams open, nearly knocking you backward. Both you and Killer tense up.

Your hands act faster than your words. One moment the door is wide open, with Killer's empty eye sockets staring at you in shock; the next, you’re shoving the door shut with force, not even considering whether you’ve hurt the skeleton or not.

"What the hell, Killer!" you shout, your hands still pressed against the now-closed door. Your shirt is lying on the floor now, along with any semblance of composure you had before. 

For a while, there’s silence from the other side. Your head rests against the door, your forehead giving a gentle bump in the wood.

What a mess, you think with a pang of regret, He must think I’m a crazy, pathetic punching bag… 

"Sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to startle you." His voice comes muffled, not only because of the closed door but also because he’s speaking softly, as if choosing his words carefully, "Could you please open the door for me?" 

I don’t know, why should I open the door? There’s nothing to see here, I don’t want to hear the same awful words I hear at home… The insecurities grow louder in your mind, your hands trembling slightly against the door.

"Please, sweetheart, I promise I just want to understand what I saw." he says in that same low tone again. You watch as the doorknob turns, but neither of you makes a move to face each other again. "Nothing bad will happen, I promise, and you know I don’t make promises I can’t keep." He tries to lighten the mood with a little chuckle at the end.

Still trembling, you slowly reach for the doorknob as your throat tightens, holding back the tears that are about to come. When you finally open the door, your eyes don’t immediately find Killer. Instead, they drop to a fixed spot on the floor as Killer’s shoes come into view.

"Thank you, sweetheart…" He only used that term when he wanted to reassure you. "You did very well, but I need you to do one more thing for me, okay?" His hand moves toward yours, moving as cautiously as his voice.

You consider pulling away, but then you remember that this is Killer, who, despite his name, would never harm you. Soon, his cold fingers gently clasp yours. The little you could see started to blur behind the tears welling up in your eyes. Your entire focus was on holding back your tears and not showing the pain you were feeling.

"Can you look at me, please?" But it was of no use. That simple question was enough to release what had been stuck in your throat. A sob escapes you before tears begin to roll down your cheeks, dripping to your chin and falling to the floor.

"Hey, hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to do this, alright?" Killer tries to stay calm, but your sudden breakdown unsettles him. Still somewhat unsure of what to do, Killer pulls you into a tight embrace. "It’s okay, nothing will happen to you here…" he reassures, gently nuzzling one of your bruised shoulders and resting his face against the curve of your neck after he finishes speaking.

"I'm sorry," you say through your sobs. "I ruined our sleepover..." You mimic him, burying your face against his shoulder and smelling the cigarette smoke coming from the jacket he’s still wearing. Your arms soon wrap around him as well, holding him as tightly, if not more so, than he’s holding you.

"Shhhh, you haven’t ruined anything, you’ve never ruined anything." His whispers return; you feel his hand gently stroking your back, his thumb making small circles motions on your lower back. "My sweetheart, what happened to you?"

"My mom—" You can’t finish the sentence, the sobs and tears preventing any coherent words from coming out.

"Shhhh, shhhh, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to." He shifts slightly away from you, just enough to rest his forehead against yours in a comforting gesture, "We can stay like this for as long as you need." And so you did.

For a while, you forgot everything, simply just sinking into Killer’s warm and protective embrace. If anything bad happened again, at least you knew where to go now.

[yanderepuck]

First ikevil fic and it's bc @lulu-the-smol-floof is an impatient bitch who can't wait for me to actually feel comfortable writing them. BUT HERE WE ARE

Tho this ain't smut. More fluffy and what dating would generally look like. The only request was to bite him. So bite him we will

You see Jude sitting back in the chair with a newspaper in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. His jacket is off with his sleeves rolled up. You watch him from the other side of the room, admiring him.

Even though you know he clearly wants to be alone, you start walking to him.

"Whaddya want, princess?" he hears you coming and doesn't look up from the paper. He sets his cup down on the table next to him.

"Aren't I allowed to just want to spend time with you?" You stand behind the chair and lean over to kiss the top of his head, before leaning over more to read the paper with him. "Anything interesting written there?"

"Nothing that's keepin' my interest," he reaches up to pet your hair, still looking at the paper.

You hum softly and lean your head against him. He flips the paper over to look at a different article. He starts to pull his hand away from your head and you whine.

"Nooo..."

His hand immediately goes back to playing with your hair.

"What are ya? A dog?"

"It feels nice."

Jude sighs but keeps combing his fingers through your hair while you lean over his shoulder.

This goes on for a few more minutes. Until...

Chomp.

Jude turned his head quickly to look at you. You bite his arm, playfully of course. Just simple girlfriend instincts. Like a cat giving little love nibbles.

"What the hell do you think you're doin'?!"

Before he could rip his arm from your mouth you let go and ran away, but not without giggling.

Jude stood up facing the door but you were already out of the room. He looked at his arm and was able to see little teeth indents.

"The hell was that for?!"

~~

A few days pass and it happens again

You're laying in bed with him. He's half asleep with an arm over your body. Meanwhile you can't fall asleep. Your fingers play with his. Sliding between the gaps, pressing your finger tips against one another.

You smile and giggle softly. You love him. You play with his have like you are a child. Right before going CHOMP.

You bit him again. Jude's eyes opened and ripped his hand from you.

"Will ya stop doing that!"

He pulls his arm under the blanket and turns around, his back facing you.

You pout and turn to your side too. You just want to nibble on him. Doesn't he know you love him? You're just trying to show your love with a little nibble. Isn't that clear?

~~

A few more days go by and you see Jude leaving the castle.

"Jude, wait!" You run up to him and hug him before he can leave.

"You'll see me later. Stop actin' like I'm going for my good."

"With as much as you getting jumped that might happen," you pout. He sighs knowing he can't exactly argue with that.

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever. I need to go," he hugs you back. He learned the hard way that you will never let go until he returns the hug. "I gotta lot-"

CHOMP.

You bit his shoulder.

"WHAT'S WITH YA AND BITING ME?!"

CHOMP.

He bites you back. But he didn't get the reaction he expected. He thought you would pull back and yell, but you bite harder. So he bites harder.

This goes back and forth until you let go of him, feeling happy.

"I love you so much!"

He is so confused. He left teeth marks on you and you like it.

"You're a lil freak," he scoffs and leaves the castle.

You skip through, happy about being bit back, assuming Jude knows why you bit him and he bit you for the same reason.

[shining-m00nlight]

9

9. “Can you please go sit in another room or something? I can’t concentrate with you around.” 

Ned really needs to study for his upcoming exam. His wife has other plans.

Studying for the midterms was the worst! Ned sat at his desk in the little apartment he shared with his brand new wife. He was trying to concentrate on remembering all the different laws and everything else he would be needing for his exam, while Cat was moving around cleaning the apartment.

Ned was very much jealous of Cat, she was done with all of her classes so now she had time for other things, which included the household chores.

Ned felt guilty about letting her do all the work, she said not to worry about it but he promised he would take over all the tasks for summer time after he finished his exams. But to be truthful he would rather do all of these chores now then concentrate on his studying which was just underly boring.

While Ned continued to ponder on what was more interesting cleaning the drain in the shower or remembering the difference between first, second and third degree offences, Cat had finished cleaning and was now coming up behind Ned without him noticing until her hands were on his shoulders.

She started gently massaging his shoulders while placing her chin on top of his head. After a few minutes she stopped the massage and instead hugged him from behind effectively pressing her breast to his neck and upper back. Up to this point Ned had been able to keep his concentration on his notes but her breast touching him was enough to break his concentration completely.

"Cat! I need to do this. I need to get through this exam or I have to repeat the whole freaking semester" he told her firm but gently.

Cat signed: "I know, but I miss you. We live in the same apartment but all we do is study. And we are newlyweds we should be spending our days having sex"

Cat then put her mouth right next to his ear and whispered: "Lots and lots of sex. In lots and lots of places and in lots and lots of different positions." 

Her voice became more and more seductive by the second. Ned liked the sound of that very much and it physically hurt him to decline her offer but he had to.

"I know but as your husband I should also be able to buy you a nice house and other nice things like jewelry or whatever else you want. And I can't afford all of these things if I don't get a good job and I can't get a good job if I don't pass this exam."

Cat pouted a bit: "I would rather have your cock right now than fancy jewelry later"

Ned growned: "Woman, you are going to kill me!"

"Yes, but won't it be such a fun way of dying?"

"It would. But I can't make you a widow at 23 now can I?"

"No, that would be terrible," Cat agreed, still cuddling up against him. 

They stayed like this in comfortable silence for a few moments until Ned gently moved her arms from around him.

"I'm really sorry, my Love but I really need to do this. I promise when I am done with my exam we will have all the sex you want, on every surface and in every position you want"

Cat stuck out her lip and turned to leave.

"Fine, I find something else to do. But! I will hold you to that promise!" she yelled over her shoulder while walking towards the bedroom.

Their apartment only had two real rooms. Their bedroom and their living room that mostly functioned as a study, plus a small kitchen.

They would need a bigger place at some point especially with both of them wanting children as soon as possible. Of course they both knew they should finish school and have stable jobs before trying. As of right now they were still living of their parents' money which was a huge privilege for them to have. Their parents didn't mind as long as they were actively working towards achieving a good education and from that a good job. 

But Ned and Cat also knew that a child would be a huge distraction as well as a huge responsibility. And their parents would not approve. While they would love to welcome a cute cuddly baby into both of their families, they already thought that their marriage was premature and to big of a responsibility for them, so a baby would definitely be worse in their parents eyes. They had been honestly relieved when Ned and Cat told them that the reason they were getting married was not that Cat was pregnant.

For now they stayed in their small apartment with just the two of them. They would reevaluate their plans once they both graduate. Ned had returned to studying when he heard Cat entering the room again, but didn't look up from his notes to not lose his focus again.

After a while he heard little growns and moans from the middle of the room. He tried to continuously ignore it until he couldn't any more. When he finally turned around he was met with a perfect view of Cat’s ass in tight yoga pants. 

Her legs were spread and she was bent over. Her ass was in the air and her hands were on the floor. She was looking back at him through her opened legs.

His mouth had gone dry and his pants suddenly felt a bit tight. Cat flashed him one of her beautiful bright smiles. In combination with still having her behind presented to him he could barely control himself.

"Can you please go to another room? I can't concentrate with you around" he asked and tried to sound polite and controlled.

"I can't because there is not enough space to do proper exercise in our bedroom. The kitchen isn't a good place either, it would be kind of discussing, me sweating next to the food." 

She stood back up and turned around lifting her arms over her head and took a deep breath that filled up her lungs and pushed her breasts up which were only covered by a sports bra.

"Maybe I don't mind a little bit of your sweat in my food." Ned tried to not make a face at the thought in a desperate attempt to get his wife and her distracting breasts out of the room.

"Well if you are so eager to taste me you can come here and do it right now." She said casually while taking her leg and lifting it up in the air so her foot was above her head and her legs were spread as wide as possible.

Ned swallowed, still trying to gather up the strength to turn around and go back to his studying. He tried to tell himself that Cat would be just as beautiful in a week but he could only study for his exam right now.

"You are not playing fair now,'' Ned told his wife. 

Cat just looked at him innocently.

"I am not playing anything. I'm just trying to get some exercise in before I go to bed. A good exercise always clears your head, don't you think so? To get all the built up pressure out, to just realize it. And to feel the bliss after you finish ... the exercise. It is always so satisfying to finish. Don't you think so?"

Now she was grinning at him slyly from the ground. She had moved into the splits while talking. Ned knew he lost. His wife was much more interesting and fun than his stupid studying and she knew it. He could take up his studies in an hour or two again. His wife was right a good exercise would help him clear his head. 

[swugie]

Things we could do at the fall festival together:

~list made specifically for YOU~

Hugging under all the fun lights, just looking at each other, and maybe when/if the moment is right… kissing each other passionately

Sharing a pulled pork parfait together: two forks, one cup style ;p

Holding hands while walking

Holding hands while waiting in line for rides

Playing games together or against each other competitively >;3c

Winner gives the loser their prize hehe

Riding the Ferris wheel together

Sneaking in lil snacks to eat on the Ferris wheel

Showing you the whole fair from the top, just looking at your eyes as the lights reflect in them as you look out at the whole town

Sweetly walking me home and kissing me at my doorway

Texting you about how sweet and cute and fun and innocent our first day was, not being able to contain excitement that you’re just here and real and experiencing one of my favorite things for the first time

Coming over to my house for the first time to get absolutely blasted off the bong before our first full day at the festival together

Getting waaaaay tooooo high and needing to just chill on the couch hehehe snuggling with you and rubbing my head on you while we calm down

Picking me up outta fucking nowhere and being liek, “alright I’m ready, let’s go” and literally carrying me out the door while I’m laughing and screaming in a fun way hehe

Kissing your cheek and neck as you carry me but eventually making you set me down cuz I wanna be independent

Only agreeing to if I hold your hand the whoooooole time, cuz you don’t wanna lose me in such a big crowd 🥺

Feeling our size difference in that, in that moment

You putting my ride wrist band on my wrist

Me putting your ride wrist band on your wrist

Looking into each other’s eyes after and just blushing, feeling the commitment of riding rides together XD

Waiting in lines together, finding the best and funniest things to talk about, sharing stories, laughing and smiling soooo much

Your energy shift yelling at guys to fuck off when they cat call me, being genuinely mad, and just helping focus on breath

You grabbing me VERY close and hiding my ass by putting it up against you and covering my chest with a hug from behind while we wait the rest of the time hehe kissing my forehead and reassuring me that you just wanna respect me and never look at me like they do

Melting in your arms and just feeling soooo warm

Getting to ride the ring of fire and scissors and freak out and galacticon and thunder bolt and the freak out again like at least 5 times XD

Needing to sit down after a ride and just taking some time to chill after all the excitement, rubbing your back and kissing your neck and cheek or just giving you space but still being close while we work it out

“Sorry baby, no more rides for today, that was A LOT”

Going back to my house to take a little nap in my bed or just collapsing on the couch together

Rubbing and kissing on each other as the light seeps in and we hear all the screams from the rides

“Wanna get a beer?” :3c once you’re up and we’re discussing what all we want to do for the rest of the day

“If I can pick out your outfit”

Picking out the skimpiest, pinkest outfit for me,,,

Me getting all embarrassed /)~(\ but you starting to rub on me and convince me that I’d look soooooooo pretty in the outfit you picked out for me

Putting it on and still just feeling embarrassed, you coming up behind me in the mirror, whispering in my ear that I look so good 🥺 once I start whining you start groping me really hard and tell me to open my eyes and look at how pretty I am, especially accidentally pressing my ass against your cock like this, instinctually without even trying,,, I didn’t even notice until you said something, and in that moment I feel your cock twitch against me

Getting me all worked up and then forcing me to calm down just a little by playing with my hair. getting me to calm further while you comb it with your fingers, splitting my hair completely down the middle and putting up each of the two sections to make pigtails

“Open your eyes baby, look, I finished the final touch to your perfect outfit”

Opening them and making a shocked face,,, feeling more embarrassed, Turning around and putting my face into your chest

Taking advantage of the mirror and groping my ass for your viewing pleasure

Pulling my skirt up and my panties to the side, inspecting my holes, sensual but hard, just a little bit before slapping my ass and letting my skirt fall back to its place

“Be a big girl for me, let’s go get a beer in your new cute outfit”

Holding your hand, sucking on a sucker, taking the alleyways to go to my favorite bar

Actually not being able to hold yourself back and pushing me up against a wall and asking me very roughly if I know what I’m doing when I look and act like that

I start softly crying and act all confused, why are you being mean now? What am I even doing wrong? :c

“Just, shut the fuck up” you grunt

You pull my skirt up and start groping my ass, rubbing my pussy through my panties, breathing heavy on my neck

Without recognizing, im grinding my ass against your hand and hard cock

You unzip your pants and start rubbing yourself all over my ass, slapping your cock on me

I try to push your cock away and you grab my hand in an instant, then grab my other hand and put my arms behind my back, holding both of them with one of your hand, while using the other to shove your cock in me

The silent scream I let out when I feel you start pumping into me

Leaning over to whisper in my ear, “I’m so happy we met”

[yandere-sins]

The Fox Wedding - Prologue I

Summary: You are to marry the fox spirit Kita Shinsuke after you accidentally agreed to become his wife by signing the deed to your new home. A contract is a contract, he says, but is there more to this marriage than you know? Will you be whisked away by one of the foxy twins instead, or have to marry Kita after all? Can you be with a creature that only seems tender on the surface, or will you try to run even if it might cost you your life? Choose your route carefully, you never know what these foxes are up to!

Characters: Kitsune!Kita Shinsuke, Kitsune!Miya Atsumu, Kitsune!Miya Osamu, Kitsune!Suna Rintarou, afab!Reader

Rating: Explicit Warnings for this chapter: Yandere, Kidnapping, Forced/Unhealthy Relationships

a/n: Welcome to my new series! I’ve been carrying the starts of this idea around for a while now, but while I was doing commissions it really began to spread it’s roots, so here we are! You can, of course, read every chapter that will come out, or choose your ‘route’ from the ones available after they are all finished (; Please mind the specific warnings for each chapter, as they will vary. Here’s the prologue, please enjoy and leave me a comment what you thought about it! ♥

There was no use in screaming and crying, only a few annoyed sighs you heard from the guard on top of the staircase leading outside. No matter how hard you banged on the bars, yelled for someone to release you, or sobbed into your hands, no one came to your aid, having decided to let you have your ‘temper tantrum’ down here alone. What an inhuman way to keep you, in a moldy, make-shift cell, underground, with only a bucket for your needs and a - stolen - bottle of water. 

“If we’re lucky, you’ll lose a few pounds before the wedding,” they said, bringing their long kimono sleeves to their faces to hide the ill-willed smirks behind them. But that was the least terrible thing the foxes appearing as human women had done to you so far.

Walking back from the bars to the small window, you stepped onto the single chair in your cell to look outside. Occasionally, you heard voices echoing from the buildings around you. The wind swayed the tall grasses covering every inch of the small village, aside from that, everything seemed abandoned. Roofs you could see had holes, there were no streets with cars or rails with trains nearby. The only thing you knew was there were the animals. The bugs in the grass, the deers in the forest, and the foxes in the village.

Crouching off the chair, you sat down, deflated, scared, cold. Not even your pullover could keep you warm, and you shivered, rubbing your hands against each other and blowing air on them in an attempt to warm up. But it was an effort in vain, you just tried to trick your mind into doing anything. Anything, besides freaking out. 

You had every right to be unnerved. It wasn’t every day that some strange man with perky fox ears and a fluffy tail swaying left to right appeared in front of you, announcing you were to become his wife. Actually, the chances of that to happen were so low, you couldn’t even speak of it as a common occurrence at all. He introduced himself, but no matter how hard you tried to remember, the name ‘Kita Shinsuke’ wasn’t one you were familiar with. As absurd as it sounded, you really tried to use logic on a person that was beyond any kind of human reason in the first place.

For the first few seconds, you thought you had actually made a promise to marry this man. Perhaps by accident, maybe drunk? But the longer you thought about it, the clearer you realized that there was no such thing as accidentally accepting a marriage proposal. However, by that time, you had already let him into your newly bought home, served him tea, and questioned his announcement. 

“It’s in the contract,” he had explained, softly, no immediate expression on his face. You couldn’t tell if his voice sounded upset or amused. Everything about him was so relaxed and indifferent, he made the situation seem almost laughable easy. “You agreed to be my wife when you bought the land.”

That was ridiculous. Even you knew there had been no such agreement, and yet, you still tried to find your contract, unable to discern it from all the other documents you hadn’t yet sorted in after just moving into this house two days ago. Much to your surprise, it had been Kita who helped you find what you were looking for, all the other papers seemingly flying out of his hand’s way as he reached by you to grab the contract from them. The old, parchment-like deed of ownership in his hand made you realize for the first time how odd the features of this man were. Fingers as pristine as a child, yet, with sharp, pointy claws instead of nails on them. Not to count the ears and tail that moved accordingly to his doings.

It also made you realize for the first time how deep in trouble you were as you read over the deed again. 

In a matter of seconds, your life had changed around completely. You saw darkness in front of your eyes every time you tried to focus, your mind becoming dizzy from realizing your name underneath the additional marriage condition listed on the deed. Next thing you knew, he caught you with one arm, and you held on to the soft fabric of his kimono, scared you might lose conscience with your heart both setting out and raising your blood pressure way too fast. But that was only just the beginning of your troubles.

You barely remembered everything that happened until you eventually ended up in this cell. Just a lot of denial and refusal, people storming your house and dragging you out. You could still feel their long fingers and sharp claws pressing into your skin, your wrists and digging into your shoulders, and how their mouths formed grins too wide to be human. Screaming and kicking, you didn’t make it easy for them, but with your house so secluded from everyone else’s, you doubted anyone could hear you.

Moving to Japan, starting over, and live the best life you could imagine for yourself, that had been your dream. Now, more than ever, and in a scenario you couldn’t even have imagined in your worst nightmares, it was taking a turn for the worse.

“Kita-san,” you greeted him, your lips shaking as you held back more tears. Looking at him, it was almost unbearable to see him so calm in your distraught presence. “I want to leave--”

“You’re cold,” he noted, unfazed by the words you were about to mutter. Hugging yourself a bit tighter, you couldn’t deny what he was saying. The bars - as sturdy and metal as they seemed when you rattled them before - twisted and turned as his hand approached them, creating a gap big enough for him to step through. Only now, in the dim light of a candle he was holding, did you see the fur blanket over his arm, which he brought to you. Though you dodged away, Kita was unfazed by your fear, letting the cover fall from his arm and draping it over your shoulder no matter if you wanted him to or not. Admittedly, you were glad to receive a little something to warm up, gripping it with your hands quickly to pull it tighter around you. 

Only when you were done shivering, you noticed his hand hadn’t vanished, picking at the part around your neck. With a flinch, you felt his cold fingers dig beneath your hair, pulling it out from under the fur and adjusting the neck properly. It was uncomfortable to have him touch you so casually, perhaps more like a parent would than a stranger who called himself your fiance, but you had to admit it was warmer this way.

“Do you want to marry?” you asked him quietly, a bold question perhaps, but what else was there to talk about? His hand halted, laying down on your shoulder gently, yet you felt almost as if this was a simplified neck hold like you’d do with a cat or dog if they misbehaved. “There’s no use questioning what we want or not. We have a contract, and you signed it. That’s why we are marrying.”

There was a logic to the way he was speaking, yet his words haunted you. Contract here, contract there, what did it matter when this was about marriage? An act of love and partnership? Was this what people called ‘settling for someone’? He couldn’t be seriously wanting to go through with marrying a total stranger just because of a contract, right?

“But I don’t love you! I don’t even know you!” Turning to him, you regretted searching for eye contact with this man, his eyes being just as unnerving as his whole demeanor. Especially now that they seemed to be lit even without the candlelight reflecting in them. Almost as scary was the deep breath that he took after you said what was on your tongue for too long, and you turned away again, not expecting an answer from him. Shrugging off the blanket, you mumbled, “I don’t want to marry you…”

Before it could leave your shoulder, Kita caught it, placing it back where he thought it belonged, and proceeded to make sure it sat right again. This time, the tugs on your hair were a bit rougher, and one of his fingers even scratched you, which you noted briefly with a whine. Kita rounded you, hand falling from your shoulder to the front of your neck, driving up your throat with its claws until it reached your chin, and lifting it, he made you look back into his eyes, despite the tears collecting in yours falling from your cheeks and wetting his hand too.

“My family wants us to marry, and I care about my family.” 

He dragged his hand up your cheek, wiping the tears collecting in your eye with his thumb before leaning down to give your forehead a short kiss. “And now you’re my family too, so I care about you. Keep the fur on, I don’t want my wife to be sick on our wedding day, and then sleep until you’re woken up.”

“How can you care for me if you don’t even know me?” you sobbed, lowering your eyes, unable to keep looking at him. 

“Who said I don’t?”

Ears peaking up, you held your breath, trying to listen if he said anything more. But Kita didn’t care to explain until you finally looked up again, expecting an explanation that you feared he wouldn’t give you. “The ways of the gods are unfathomable, but that doesn’t mean everything that happens is without reason. We met before, [Name], even if I’m afraid you don’t remember.”

For a split second, and perhaps, for the first time that you met him, you saw his brows furrow slightly as he said the last words, his hand falling from your face, as he turned towards the exit, his feet not making any sounds as he stepped away from you. “What do you mean?” you mumbled after him, his back now illuminated by the white moonlight coming through your cell’s window. 

“Who are you?” you kept asking, standing up, barely able to hold on to the fur as you chased after him. However, the moment he stepped through the opening in the bars, they closed rapidly, keeping you from following him outside. All you could do was grip the cold iron with your hands, as Kita turned around briefly. “What are you?” You wished he’d answer you, at least now, at least before this whole ordeal was about to go down. Answer all questions, or even just one, so you could tame those raging feelings of confusion and fear inside of you. 

But instead, he merely put his free hand next to yours, fingers laying down on your wrist for a moment before they patted down your arm, telling you to let go of the bars. Instead, he caught your hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing the cold knuckles tenderly. 

The candlelight vanished as a cold draft filled the air, coming from above the stairs. “Kita-sama?” an unknown voice asked, and you shied away as all you heard was a short growl in return. However, he held your hand tightly in his, not letting go even when the door seemed to fall shut quickly.

“I’m your husband,” were his last words before he finally let go of you, taking his quiet, barely noticeable leave.

Even when you assumed he was gone, you couldn’t find a calm second to collect your thoughts, the questions and lost answers working you up endlessly. You wished for some clarity, a miracle, or preferable even - an explanation. 

But your night was far from over, even if there might be even more questions than answers awaiting you.

➤ [Move forward to Prologue II]

[up-sideand-down]

14 and 79 for Clack? 😺

Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.

14. Bodyguard AU

79. Anger Born of Worry

Cloud came to Midgar hoping to make it to Soldier, but failed. He kept up at it with the Infantry, training pretty hard, but instead of Soldier, he was noticed somewhere else. Cloud was shocked to be called good looking. He honestly thought he had a bad case of baby face, but the woman at the train station swore he had bone structure not found just anywhere and eyes that just pop. Did he have any acting experience. Cloud thanked her, but said no. He was in the military. She gave him a card and told him to call if he needed a career change. He brushed her off as a scammer until one of his Infantry buds picked it up. He knew her name. She was a big name. A movie producer. Cloud had to call her. They all watched as he did, reminding her he was at a train station and she said he had good bone structure and pretty eyes. She remembered him. "Want that career change?" she asked. The squad nodded at him when he looked. "I mean...sure?"

Cloud's career was slow for the first year, him mostly playing extras and a stunt double once. It left him having plenty of time to make fun of other actors with the Infantry buds. Then he got cast as a villain. It was really his first time actually acting and he more or less nailed it spectacularly. He claimed he was just imitating one of his old bosses at ShinRa (which got a lot of laughs) but his buds were obviously proud of him: hooting and hollering everytime one of his previews played. They told him he looked badass, one of the best parts of the dumb movie. He started getting a lot of fans, and the film offers piled in. He could now pick and choose more. So he did.

Cloud likes making people laugh rather than cry. He honestly thought he'd be written off as an action hero after his next two movies, but his next drama (playing the villain again, sympathetically this time) cemented the fact that he was just good at reaching people. His former training helped him to do most of his own stunts and action scenes too, making him even more popular. He didn't have as much time for the infantry buds, but still made time. They were his buds. He also likes a lot of his fans. He gets a shock when one of his fan letters is from his own personal hero. Sephiroth stating succinctly he enjoyed the movies and Cloud got an honest chuckle out of him, a hard feat apparently. Most of his fans were sweet and kind, like Sephiroth had been. One...one in particular freaked Cloud the fuck out. That feeling didn't go away after said fan sent him a dead cat and what looked like a human finger, along with an irate letter calling Cloud a "whore" for a scene in a film that was a bit erotic in nature.

Cloud's infantry buds take the threat more seriously than the actual authorities. They at first take turns guarding their bud, but it gets hard doing that on top of their usual jobs. So...they look to hire...and a Soldier takes their offer. Zack Fair is hired as Cloud Strife's bodyguard. He's wary at first about guarding a movie star, but it's soon very apparent that Cloud is very down to earth and humble, if not a little wry and sarcastic. And also very scared about his stalker. He sends something to Cloud everyday. From waxing about how much he loves Cloud, to death threats. Zack takes up his post. That first night, there's a broken window and Zack gives chase, but loses the guy. The next night all is quiet, not even a note. Cloud is visibly relieved and Zack starts really thinking about what this job means.

He almost quits after month when all is quiet. He's a little reluctant about it. He really...liked Cloud more than he thought he would. Cloud being good looking was a given, but Cloud was also funny and liked a lot of the same stuff he did. They just clicked on multiple levels. But then a new note came that made Cloud turn pale. That night there was another broken window. Zack started out, but Cloud jerked him back inside, screaming at him not to leave. Zack had never seen Cloud so angry. Finally Cloud admitted the letter was threatening to kill Zack. Cloud didn't want Zack to get hurt. Zack was extremely touched. He went outside anyway. Cloud screamed.

Going up against a Soldier First Class was a hardy feat for any one person. Not so much a crazed man with a gun and a knife. The fight was over fast. Zack had him disarmed and subdued in moments. The actual authorities took him away. When Zack finally came back Cloud punched him hard in the arm. "I thought I was going to lose you!" Cloud yelled. Zack just smiled, "It's gonna be harder than that to get rid of me." Cloud couldn't resist and smiled. Zack blushed uncontrollably when Cloud leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. "My hero then," Cloud said dryly, but the hug he gave Zack was genuine. "Don't do that to me again." After that Zack started spending at the night, not because it was his job...but because he and Cloud just wanted him to.

[platypanthewriter]

Pillow

Harringrove April prompt 28, Pillow.  Billy fixes some things, for Max. (It’s another short one omg guys praise me)

Billy got home a little drunk, spreading his hands occasionally when his boots hit nothing, stumbling on the sidewalk.  He thought—maybe—he could crawl in through his window, his dad would be asleep—but the closer he walked, the higher up it got, and he stopped, squinting.  

Better sleep in the car, he decided, fumbling the keys out of his pocket, and he walked over to the curb, only to see the back seat lit up with a flashlight already, the light flashing off the dash and the rearview mirror.  He stalked over like a jungle cat only to see Max curled up with her walkie-talkie, the flashlight hanging in her hand, lighting up wet tears on her cheeks.

It took like ten flicks of his lighter to light his cigarette, and he wondered if he was drunker than he thought, leaning against the car, listening to her on the walkie-talkie through the open windows of his Camaro.  

“I was gonna say something,” she said shakily.  “I can’t—I can’t take him anymore, and she—my mom knew, she grabbed my shoulder, just trembling, you know?  She knows if I fight him he’ll hurt me, or her, I can’t—”

She took a long, shuddery breath, and she must have clicked the button, because then it was a boy’s voice.  “Don’t make him mad—”

“You don’t know what it’s like living with somebody like Neil,” she said, flatly.  “You don’t know, okay, don’t tell me—” she cleared her throat, and then clicked it again, and the boy came on.

“—don’t know, I don’t, but don’t let him hurt you—”

“There’s nothing I can do to stop him,” she said, dryly.  “He keeps saying he’d never hit us, you know?  He tells me this.  He pushes me up against the wall, he says ‘I’d never hit you or your mom,’ and you know what I hear?”

“...what?” came the other voice, a whisper.

“I hear he can’t hardly stop thinking about it,” said Max, laughing like she was trying not to cry, and Billy stared up at the skies, smoking his cigarette, listening to her try to sleep, curled in the tiny back of his Camaro, her head against the molded vinyl instead of a pillow.

He watched the stars, thinking. 

 When he figured it was light enough the next morning, he pushed himself to his feet, shoving himself upright against the car door and staggering a little.  He winced as he stretched, feeling like he was a hundred and ten.  He walked around and dropped into the driver’s seat, listening to Max’s muffled yell with satisfaction.

“Billy,” she whispered, scrambling to the other side of the car.

“How bad you wanna get out of here,” he asked, glancing at her in the rearview mirror as he tapped his pack of cigarettes, frowned into it, and lit the last one.  “You okay with shit like dishes?  Laundry?”

“...I can do my own laundry,” she whispered warily, glaring at him.  

“You gonna pick up your own shit?” he asked her, raising his eyebrows.

“...won’t pick up yours,” she shot back, and he couldn’t help grinning, a little.  

 He skipped school and visited a realtor that day.  He had to hit the bank and show her the money he’d been saving for a deposit on an apartment in southern California, but she let him in a few places, and two days later, he hauled Max in the car after school even though she was trying to go to the arcade.  He grabbed her friends for good measure.  “Come on, you little titsuckers, we’re moving out,” he told them, and one of them called Harrington to come and help, with his bigger car.

He mostly ignored Billy—he talked Susan down, though, when Billy and Max stomped in and announced they were blowing this shithole, and she started to cry—and he grabbed Billy’s stereo from the kids, and he was careful.  

It was perfectly obvious the big shit wasn’t gonna fit in either of their cars, and Billy was packing boxes of Max’s clothes in Steve Harrington’s car when Steve told the kids to haul the furniture out, too.

“We can’t fit that,” Billy told him.  “He’ll be home in a couple hours, we can’t fit it anyway—”

Steve glanced at him, but told them to haul everything out, and of course they listened to Harrington, instead of leaving Billy’s bed where it was.  Steve snapped under Billy’s nose and pointed to the passenger seat, and Billy got in, because Steve was right about one thing only, and that was that his Camaro trunk was the size of a small cat, and he’d waste more gas than he’d manage to haul belongings.

Halfway through town, he stopped, and even though it was nowhere near Neil’s office, it wasn’t where Billy told him to go, and his heart nearly stopped with the engine.  But all Steve did was hand him the keys, his eyes tired, and climb out.

“Don’t crash my car,” he said, as Billy stared at him.  “...go unload,” he added, when Billy glared at the keys, still bewildered, and then he walked off, and Billy decided to take advantage of some good luck for once, and take Harrington up on his offer.  He drove over and got the car unloaded—and rethought the number of stairs he’d accepted—and then drove back to find the kids and Harrington loading up a U-Haul truck.  Billy stopped his borrowed car right in the road, staring again, until some asshole honked, and then pulled up and parked, trying to figure out what was going on.  

“We’ve got nearly everything,” Harrington told him.  “Check around and see what we missed.”

Billy nodded, wandering into the house to find his room stripped, and Susan crying.  “I went to the bank,” she said, sniffling, and held out a wad of cash.  “You tell me if you need anything,” she sobbed, “—you—you tell me,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, grabbing his hands, and pressing them around what looked like a roll of hundred dollar bills.

“I will find a place soon,” she said, setting her jaw.  “Keep yourselves safe until then?”

“...what,” Billy said, and she bit her lips together, swallowing hard.  

“...stay safe, both of you,” she said.  “Billy, I pulled out the records I know you like, they’re in a crate on the table.”

He stared at the money in his hands, and she pushed the crate into his arms, and maneuvered him out the door.

 When they got most of the furniture up the stairs of Billy and Max’s place, the kids were horrified there was only one bedroom, and Billy just shoved Max’s bed into it, and waved them and their boxes inside.

“No, it’s fine,” Max breathed, unsteadily, as Will—kids kept showing up, and Billy honestly wasn’t sure whether one was giving him a different name every time, or whether he was the same kid—offered to paint designs on her walls.  “It’s—it’s good, it’s amazing.”

The one she’d talked to the night she’d decided wedging herself in the back seat of his car was a more relaxing night than any with Neil was there, and Billy remembered trying to kick his ass, and tried to grab all the heavier boxes from him, and the kid watched him, as tiredly as Billy felt.  

Once they were basically moved in—with no food, or cleaning supplies, but moved, anyway—Harrington ordered everyone pizza from the payphone on the corner, and left to return the U-Haul, and Billy watched him go, wondering how the hell his life would balance that all out.  Maybe he’d get flattened in a freak accident.  Maybe somebody would drop a cow on him from a plane.

Harrington returned and brought food—milk, apples, sandwich stuff, cereal, and TV dinners he stuck in the avocado-colored fridge that looked older than Max—and Billy tried to give him the money Susan had given him, but Harrington shoved it back, rolling his eyes.  “Didn’t do this for you, Hargrove,” he said, wrinkling his nose, and then frowning over at Max.  “...but this is a...good thing, you’re doing.  Lemme know if I can help.”

Billy wished furiously, his eyes burning for a long second, that anyone would have helped if he’d been alone, and then rubbed his face.  He took a slow breath.  “Yeah,” he said, smirking.  “I know it’s not for me.”

“No, I didn’t—that’s not quite—” Steve said, groaning.  “I didn’t know you...were the kinda person who’d wanna help Max.  I...thought you were...not like that.  I wanna help the kind of brother who’d do all this.”

“...she’s not my sister,” Billy said, out of habit, watching Max laugh at everything her friends said, out of sheer relief.  A girl had shown up, and Max was half collapsed on her, giggling, with tears rolling down her pink cheeks.

“Even more so, then,” Harrington said.  “You’re trying to do the right thing.  I’m...I’m glad to help.  I don’t need your money.”

Billy nodded, his eyes burning again, and he blinked rapidly, sniffling hard, and rubbing his nose.  

 Everybody stuck around until Billy chased them out, and then it was Max, Billy, and Steve Harrington, who’d done so much Billy didn’t dare tell him to go home.  Max curled up on the couch, mumbling sleepily after a day of hauling furniture up stairs, and Billy dug around in her boxes until he found the bedding.  Steve came in and helped him make the bed, and then went out and walked Max in, muttering angrily until she flopped across the bed with a groan of delight.

“...she was sleeping in the back of my Camaro,” Billy told Steve, watching her lazily kick one shoe in the air as she hugged an armful of comforter.  “Head wedged up against the vinyl, to get herself far as possible from...Neil.”  Steve nodded, glancing over, and Billy laughed, scrabbling at his hair, and looking around at the boxes to be unpacked, and the shit piled everywhere.  “...now she has a pillow, at least,” he whispered, forcing a laugh.  

Steve reached over and squeezed his shoulder.  “Let’s find yours,” he said, frowning around, and rolling up his sleeves.

[prismatica-the-strange]

Have I Ever Told You I Love You? | Urushihara Hanzo x Streamer!Reader (Part 1)

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, and idk if you can call this angst

Word: 1270

    During his short stint in the small apartment with two other guys, Lucifer managed to find his own little world in his laptop. While it wasn't capable of running the games he wanted he was able to enjoy them vicariously through various streamers.

        His favorite streamer was a pink-haired girl from California. He came across her stream late day when he was scrolling through Stitch (Twitch). He knew a little English from the research he'd done for Maou and Ashiya, it was rough, but through some Foogle Translate, he managed.

        The first time he made her laugh through a badly translated off-handed comment, he knew he was done for. He would do literally do anything to hear her laugh like that again. 

        She wasn't a super popular streamer but had a loyal following that made a tight-knit community. It wasn't hard for him to start a conversation with her, and so a friendship began.

        A handful of months later, the short interactions turned into late night text sessions, and he went to as many streams of her's as he could.

        "What in the world are you watching?" Ashiya asked him one day.

        "None of your business!" He growled.

        "I think it's that girl he likes," Maou said through a mouthful of noodles.

        "What are you talking about?!" He yelled, "Why would I like some human? She's just good at gaming!"

        Oh, but he liked her. He liked her a lot. 

        One night he got a notification that she was live, which was odd cause it was almost 3 am where she lived.

        The title of the stream was "I'm drunk and wanna play games!" He chuckled to himself and opened her stream.

        She was sat at her normal streaming setup, but her face was flushed and hair messy.

        She had 'Golf With Your Friends' up, one of the few games his crappy laptop could play. He then got a text from her that said 'Join us' with the room password and a little purple heart.

        He quickly pulled the stream up on his phone and loaded the game, wasting no time getting into the room.

        With his phone propped up next to him, he saw her face break into a big grin.

        "Angel boy!" She smiled, his username was FallenAngelxxx, but she thought it was cute when he got flustered when she called him 'Angel Boy'. "I'll send you the link to the Biscord server voice call." 

        He never even thought to make a Biscord account, so he quickly set it up, claiming the name Angel_Boyxxx.

        "Angel boy, you there?" She asked when he joined the call. They hadn't voice called before and she was almost anxious to finally hear his voice. 

        "Yeah, I'm here." He said thankful Maou and Ashiya were out for the night. After he started watching her, he used what little magic power he had left to help him learn the monstrosity that is English.

        "Hey," She breathed before someone else in the call made a vomiting noise. "Shut it, Pat!"

        "You guys ready to start?" Wade laughed.

        As the night went on, she kept a constant state of drunk causing giggles and stupid comments. 

        "Hey, Angel," She said an hour or so into their play session, as the others were AFK for a few minutes, "Have I ever told you I love you?"

        He froze mid-practice shot, causing him to miss what he was aiming at completely.

        "I love you so much," She giggled.

        "What's with him?" A voice said behind him as a door shut. "Urushihara? Why's your face so red?"

        She gasped excitedly, "Who's that, Angel?"

        "He's not sick is he?" Another voice said, "Jeeze we can't afford a hospital visit right now."

        "I-I-" He covered his mouth with his hand, his face bright red. "Why now?"

        He moved awkwardly and his headphones came unplugged.

        "Angel? You okay?" Her voice sounded almost concerned through the haze of alcohol. "Angel?"

        "Who's that?" Maou asked, looking at the screen quizzically.

        "Are you playing those damned video games aga-" Ashiya started.

        "It's no one!" Lucifer rushed, slamming the laptop shut, cutting off another 'Angel'.

        He grabbed his handheld game and sat in the corner, trying to hide his blush behind his hair.

        The other two men shrugged and started talking about the next day's plans.

        About five minutes later, Lucifer's phone began to ring. He managed to snatch it before Ashiya grabbed it.

        "Were you about to answer my phone?!" He nearly screeched, "Can a guy get any privacy around here?!"

        "As your superior, I need to know you're not talking to any undesirables," Ashiya argued.

        "You mean like you old farts?" He hissed, before stepping into the hallway, slamming the door behind him. 

        The phone had stopped ringing when he went to finally answered and he slouched against the wall, head hung low.

 ~~~~~~~

        He was so embarrassed that it took him two weeks to go back to another stream or even answer any of her texts. He barely even went near his precious computer and Maou and Ashiya were even slightly concerned. 

        She was busy in-game and missed his meek little 'hi' in chat, he sighed and cradled his head on his arms on the desk, eyes staring at the screen.

        When she paused to read chat, someone told her he was there, even going as far as to ping him.

        Her eyes lit up as she asked, "You still here Angel Boy?"

        He put a purple heart emoji in the chat and she smiled.

        "Where you been? I- we've missed you," She said as she went back to the game.

        FallenAngelxxx: Who missed me?

        He couldn't help but tease her about her little slip-up.

        She scoffed and rolled her eyes at his chat, "Shut up."

~~~~~~

        For the next three weeks, they texted every day, he was so distracted he even stopped ordering stuff. Until one day she never texted him her usual 'Good Morning Angel.' In fact, she never texted him at all that day and he was beyond worried. Sure she'd missed a couple of texts before, but nothing like this. He scrolled through their last conversation, wondering if he'd said something to make her mad.

        Ashiya watched him get more and more worried, "That girl you like not talking to you?"

        "No, she's not," Lucifer muttered from his place in the corner, just loud enough for Ashiya to hear. He was anxiously playing his handheld to take his mind off it.

        "Well, you probably did something in your own brand of stupid to upset her-" His roommate was cut off by a discord call on his computer.

        Lucifer scrambled to his computer, leaving his game unpaused on the floor.

        He glanced at the time as he answered the call, it was past 2 am for her.

        "His Majesty will be back soon, must you take a call instead of-"

        "I'll get to it later!"

        She chuckled as he tried to get his roommate off his back.

        "Hey Angel," She smiled, and his heart stuttered in his chest.

        "H-hey, where've you been all day? I... I was almost worried." He lied.

        "I-heh... Just a super busy day, I guess." 

        "You sound tired," He commented, "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

        "Don't wanna," She whined sleepily, "Help me stay up?"

        "Okay, you wanna play a game or something?" He scrolled through his Solar library for something to play.

        "Uh-uh, too tired," She yawned and he nearly 'aww'd, "Let's just talk for a while."

        "Y-yeah, okay." The other line went real quiet, "You still with me?"

        "Huh? Oh. Yeah, I'm here," Her small sleepy voice was doing things to his heart.

        "So," She yawned, "How was your day?"

        "Boring," He scoffed.

        "Tell me all about it," She said, "I wanna know every detail."

        "Every detail?"

        "Yep. What did you do? What did you eat? What stupid thing did your roommate yell at you for? Did you play anything fun? I want to know all of it."

        "Heh, I uh..." He had no idea what to say, he definitely wasn't telling her he spent the whole day freaking out, "You know, I just played some stupid game on my handheld and slept. Ashiya was out most of the day, so he really only got on my case a few minutes ago."

        "That's it?" She almost sounded disappointed.

        "Yeah, just another boring day." He shrugged. There was a knock on her side and he could hear her adjust.

        "Ah, that'd be room service," She groaned as she got up, "Be back in a mo."

        "What? Roomservice?! Where in the Hell are you?"

        "What's up with you?" Maou asked right next to him, causing him to jump and let to a small yell.

        "What the Hell, man?! I didn't even hear you come in!" He shouted, "You can't just scare people like that!"

        "Who can't scare what now?" SHe asked through a mouthful of food.

        "No not you- It's just- It's nothing Maou just scared me is all." He stammered.

        "Oh. HI ANGEL'S ROOMMATE!" she yelled loud enough that Maou could hear it through the headphones, making Urushihara yank them off his head.

        "Uh... Hi, Urushihara's girlfriend?" Maou answered unsurely.

        "Wha- She! Sh-sh-She isn't my girlfriend!" Lucifer argued, putting his headphones back on to hear her bubbly laughter.

        "I'm not?" She giggled, "Well maybe I should be since everyone already thinks it."

        His face flushed bright red as he stared at the screen. "W-w... Really?"

        "Yeah, the guys make fun of me for it all the time. They even said that I told you I loved you on stream once, ridiculous, right?"

        "A-actually..." He trailed off. "You kind of... did. I was there."

        It was quiet again.

        "N-no one clipped it?" She said in disbelief. Someone had actually clipped it, and he had it on his phone. Every once and a while, he would play it and his heart would do somersaults.

        "Well, no taking it back now," She chuckled. "Guess the cat's outa the bag."

        His jaw dropped.

        "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies," Ashiya teased and Lucifer threw a magazine at him. "That was uncalled for!"

        Lucifer grabbed his laptop and stormed out to the hallway. 

        With the door closed, he set his computer on the washer.

        "You love me?" He asked, trying not to sound completely desperate, unaware of Maou and Ashiya's ears pressed against the door.

        "Of course I do Angel."

        "Wow..." He felt like crying he was so happy. "Me too- I mean! No, I- shit... You don't even know what I look like."

        "Well... What are you doing in two days?"

        "What? Uh, my roommates are dragging me to some stupid work thing, why?" 

        "Can you get out of it?" She asked hopefully.

        "Unlikely," He frowned, "Ashiya is dead set on getting me out of the house and won't let me out of his sight."

        "Oh... Ok." Great, now she was sleepy and sad.

        "What was your idea? Maybe we can reschedule?" He suggested.

        "I'm only in Japan for the next three days, so I don't think it'll work."

        "YOU'RE IN JAPAN?!" He yelled, "Like, right now?!"

        "Good Hanzo, do you mind keeping it down?" Suzino asked from her doorway, "Some of us are trying to enjoy a quiet evening."

        He waved her off and went back to questioning the girl. 

        "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

        "Didn't know till a couple days ago myself. I thought I'd surprise you." She told him shyly. "The guys had an extra spot on their panel at some convention and invited me."

        "Scrw what Ashiya wants, where's the con?"

        "It's at the-" There was a loud bang outside the building, the lights went out and he lost internet connection.

        "No... No! NO!" he gripped the side of his computer and begged her to tell him.

Taglist: @unicornwithachainsaw83​ @steviestyle​

Masterlist​

[remmushound]

Okay so I offered a headcanon about 2018 Mikey being a therapist for Clearly Clinically Depressed 2003 Mikey and here are the details:

the Rise kids see 03 Mikey in an obvious RSD episode where he's hiding his frustration and rage at himself, and the 03 brothers are oblivious because their Don didn't actually investigate it enough.

So Dr Feelings, with Dr Delicate Touch right behind, makes 03 Mikey do stim play with his art supplies.

The other Rise kids have a "conversation" with the others, with 03 Raph scoffing and 03 Leo rolling his eyes. Rise Raph not happy.

...

This isn’t based on personal experience LOL nope nah (I went from 03 Mikey to 18 Mikey)

“Hey hey hey hey guys look!” Mikey held his Nexus trophy in one hand while his other arm was wrapped around Leonardo holding his own trophy, “He won his world’s battle nexus! We’re trophy-twins!”

Leonardo smirked, eating up the attention just as much as Mikey was. “You hear that Donnie? He wants to be my twin!”

“Good.” Donatello groaned from where he sat with Donnie. “Maybe you’ll finally leave me alone.”

Leonardo shot forward and hugged Donatello’s shell, rubbing his cheek against Donatello’s and making the softshell groan his annoyance at the obnoxious loving. “I could never~”

“Get off me, Nardo.” Donatello growled and shoved Leonardo off of him and back to Mikey.

“My god there’s two of them now.” Leo shook his head as he looked over Leonardo and Mikey.

“How do you think I feel?” Raphael joked with a laugh, “I got three of them! Speaking of which, where’s Mikey?”

Raphael looked around and it didn't take him long to find the box turtle sneaking up on an unsuspecting orange cat.

“Come here kitty, I just wanna feel ya!”

“MIKEY LEAVE THAT POOR CAT ALONE!”

Michelangelo jumped on the cat as it woke up scrambling and held it tightly against his chest so he could pet it. “But it’s so soft!”

“You’re allergic to cats!”

Michelangelo was already sniffling, but didn't care. “It’s a price I’m willing to pay.”

“Oh my God— Donnie, you leave that mutant’s things alone!”

Donatello had both arms full of various machines, and his spider arms held onto various more. “He said I could have em!”

“Actually, I asked you to please not take my things—“

“Shush, other me!” Donatello pressed a metal claw to Donnie’s lips to shush him.

“Donnie, you put that stuff back right now or so help me—“ Raphael glanced back to where Leonardo and Mikey had just been, but only found the latter. “Where’d Leo go?!”

Mikey shrugged.

“CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, LOSER!”

Leonardo blew a raspberry from where he hung upside down in a doorway, flipping off and landing on his feet while making a come-hither motion.

“I can—you know I can— I have bigger legs than you!” Raphael jumped forward and wrapped his arms around Leonardo, only for the slider to slip right through and jump up on his shoulder.

“And I’m a slider!” Leonardo jumped off and slid away before Raphael could catch him again, skidding toward Mikey and grabbing the box-turtle by the arm to use him as a body shield against Raphael.

“Leo— get your tail— out here— now!” Raphael tried to dance around Mikey’s shield unsuccessfully while making a grab for Leonardo.

“Hey— watch the trophy!” Mikey tried to protect his trophy from the struggling brothers. He yelped as Leonardo pushed him aside and made a dash for it, the Nexus trophy knocked out of his hands and clinking to the ground.

“Sorry!” Raphael called as he ran off after the difficult mutant.

Mikey scrambled to grab his trophy quickly off the ground and hold it protectively to his chest. “Careful! This is the nicest thing I own!”

“It’s just a trophy, Mike.” Raph laughed, still offering a hand to help Mikey to stand up. “It’s not that important.”

Mikey stuck out his tongue. “Dude, I won the shell freaking Battle Nexus!”

“So have hundreds of other creatures.” Donnie pointed out as he was starting to replace the stuff Donatello had taken, “There’s a new winner every three years.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Mikey looked down at his trophy and sniffled softly as he tried to buff out a scratch.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Mike.” Leo said, “We have bigger issues than a scratched trophy.”

Mikey hung his head and didn't speak again. Raphael caught Leonardo but before anything could happen, Leonardo pointed out the sad box turtle to Raphael and both stayed silently watching. Donatello snuck up beside them with the same thought on his mind that none of them needed to voice. Michelangelo was the first of them to notice and was already on his way over to the other mutant, taking Mikey by the arm and offering a wide smile.

“Hi! Did your trophy get scratched?”

“Yeah.” Was all Mikey said, not looking at the smaller box turtle.

Michelangelo humphed and grabbed Mikey firmly by the hand to guide him away toward the bathroom while Mikey blindly followed without looking up from his trophy.

“That’s okay!” Michelangelo cast a furious look back at the other turtles before rounding the corner and disappearing. “We can fix it!

****

“See?” Michelangelo held the trophy up to Mikey, beaming at the newfound gleam on the surface, “No more scratch! Toothpaste takes it right out!”

“Thanks…” Mikey accepted the trophy, staring back at his reflection for a second before quickly looking away again and dropping the trophy into the sink.

Michelangelo frowned and stared at Mikey another moment before taking his hand and yanking him once more to guide him.

“Ah— hey little dude.” Mikey laughed weakly, “Where are we going?”

Michelangelo didn't answer. He stuck his tongue out in concentration and hummed loudly, looking around until he found the kitchen and continued to pull his new friend along. He grunted and shoved Mikey down into a chair.

“Stay!”

Michelangelo reached into his belt and pulled out several paint bottles and little baggies.

“Uh, okay?” Mikey huffed and rested his chin on his hand, “Whatever you say, little dude.”

Michelangelo hummed brightly as he inserted some paint into the bags, choosing the best and brightest colors he had and filling three bags full so he could use each and every color without the bags being too crowded. Then he rooted through the drawers until he founded just what he needed— tape!

“Here!” He taped the baggies to the table in front of Mikey so that the full beauty of their colors were showing. “Play with these while we talk!”

At first, Mikey stubbornly refused. Michelangelo didn't mind, and he only smiled when he saw Mikey starting to glance at the bright colors with a longing gaze in his eyes, though he had yet to start to play with them. Michelangelo decided to just give it some time.

“So.” Michelangelo sat in front of Mikey. “Tell me about your trophy. How’d you win it?”

“My brothers and I fought a whole bunch of other dudes in the Battle Nexus!”

“And you won?”

“Yeah! Out of thirty-two dudes and dudettes!”

“Really?” Michelangelo’s eyes went wide, “That’s a lot of people to beat.”

“Well I only fought four of them— half the guys would get eliminated every round, so it wasn’t really that difficult…”

“Still, out of all those people you made it to the end!”

“It was just a fluke— a lot of other stuff was going down and I just won by default…”

“Other stuff?”

“Yeah… Leo got poisoned and there was this whole usurper dude and a time vortex — it was weird, man.”

Michelangelo put his fingers to his lips. “I see.”

“I mean, it’s not like it was my fault!” Mikey hardly noticed how his hands automatically went to the paint bags and began to press them around, “And I won the other rounds fair and square, and beat Kluh in a rematch!”

“So you did earn the trophy.”

“So what if Splinter surrendered?! That was his choice! And so what if I tricked Raph— I still beat him!” His focus became more attached to the colors he was moving around.

Michelangelo leaned back and stuck his feet on the table as he relaxed.

“And I… I know I’m not as strong as Raph or as smart as Donnie or as bossy as Leo— so what?! I’m my own turtle!”

His features scrunched up as his teary eyes locked onto the table, the many colors that had once been separated now spiraling into one shape, mixed together and creating various new shades.

“You’re right!” Michelangelo quickly noticed the paints reaching the end of their usefulness and pulled out a small hunk of orange playdough to offer to the other box shell, who took it and started to mold it without stopping his rant.

“I’m Michelangelo Splinterson and I’m a party dude!” The playdough quickly started to take the shape of a cat, “And I like pizza, and I hate bullies! I know they don’t mean to be mean, but it still hurts!”

Michelangelo nodded along solemnly. “Have you told them that?”

“Well— no.” Mikey sighed and deflated, “And I don’t think I want to…”

“Is there a reason?” Michelangelo latched onto the opportunity and scooched closer to Mikey.

“Well, I’m the fun one.” Mikey’s molding of the clay slowed, “Nothing fun about complaining and yelling…”

Michelangelo experimented with a gentle touch to Mikey’s back before attempting a hug, which Mikey returned with a great force.

“You don’t have to be happy all the time.” Michelangelo said from his squished position, “I mean, you can’t be!”

“I’ve gone twenty years being happy! I— I can’t just suddenly be sad!”

“But… you weren’t all happy during that time. You can’t have been.”

Mikey looked away.

“There had to have been at least a few times you were angry or upset…”

“Well… before the rematch against Kohl I was kinda… scared. And… and I tried going to Master Splinter and Raph and Don about it, but they just… made fun of me. But I was really scared! They just didn't care…”

“So you’ve felt fear before— that’s different than happiness, isn’t it?”

“Way different.” Mikey laughed weakly, “And there was that time Donnie uh… double mutated and we didn't know what to do.”

“Double mutated?”

“He was mutated again and turned into a gross monster and we couldn’t figure out how to turn him back because we couldn’t read his notes.”

“And that made you feel sad and scared?”

“Yeah…”

Michelangelo hugged Mikey again the minute he felt the box turtle slipping into guilt again. “Hey, that’s okay! It’s okay to be sad when something like that happens! I get scared too when Donnie gets hurt.”

“Your Donnie got hurt?”

“Well, he’s really soft.” Michelangelo giggled, trying to encourage a smile back into his friend, “So he gets cut easy— that’s why he wears that cool shell thing!”

“Radical!” Mikey smiled.

“And whenever he’s not wearing his armor I get suuuuuper scared that he might get hurt. But he’s always okay after, and then I feel better. But that doesn’t mean I never felt sad. I feel sad lots of times. And sympathetic and mad and scared and ambitious and all these other things! And you do too, you just don’t want to admit it.”

Mikey gave a nervous laugh as a darker green blush crept into his face. “I… I guess. I just wish my brothers would understand that.”

“Well, they can’t understand if you don’t tell them how you feel.” Michelangelo said softly.

“Oh… uh…” The anxiety returned fast, “I don’t think…”

“You don’t have to tell them now— you’re still upset! You don’t even have to tell them today or tomorrow or this week— just when you feel comfortable. So when something like this happens again, they know what you’re going through, and they can help you.” Michelangelo put his hand on Mikey’s, “Trust me: they’re your brothers, and they love you.”

Mikey gave a raspy churr before grabbing Michelangelo and pulling him into a hug. “Thank you for listening, little buddy!”

****

“Hey!” Raphael didn't mean to be so loud, but his voice echoed like thunder off the wall. The three box turtles looked at him with bewildered expressions and Raphael quickly waved them over. “A chat, please.”

Donatello and Leonardo loomed at Raphael’s side like two angels on his shoulders, except judging by their expressions they were both demons.

“Yeah?” Raph huffed as he and his brothers took a similar stance, except with Leo in the center and him at the shoulder.

“Did you not see what just happened?” Leonardo leaned on Raphael’s shoulder and motioned to where Michelangelo and Mikey had disappeared to. “What you just did?”

“We didn't do nothin’!” Raph snarled, pointing a finger at Leonardo, “Yous made him drop his trophy.”

“And you criticized him for getting upset over it.” Raphael said quickly in his brothers defense, “What Leo did was an accident, what you guys did wasn’t.”

“So? It’s just a dumb trophy.”

“Raphael.” Leo warned gently to his brother before finally getting a word in, “Mikey is fine— he’s probably off skating with your Mikey right now.”

“Actually, statistics indicate that even if they are off skating right now that doesn’t mean everything's fine. Studies show that physical activity can help manage meltdowns if handled correctly—“

“Meltdowns?” Raph interrupted Donatello, “That ain’t no meltdown. That’s my baby brother getting upset that his toy was scratched.”

Leonardo gasped dramatically. “Exsqueeze me?! A trophy is not a toy! It’s a declaration of how awesome we are!” Leonardo held out his Nexus trophy for the box turtles to see.

“So you just wear that around everywhere you go?”

“Uh— duh! Gives me bragging rights! And if I ever meet a cute boy or hot girl, I have a conversation starter~” He waved the medal mockingly.

“Not helping Leo.” Raphael said gently, looking to the younger turtle before going back to their counterparts, “It doesn’t matter if it’s not a big deal to you— it clearly was a big deal to him. You should apologize for making him feel upset. It’s the brotherly thing to do.”

“Um… in my humble opinion, mister snapper Raph, I don’t really think I did anything wrong…” Donnie said softly.

Raphael offered a gentle smile and kneeled to Donnie’s level. “That’s alright— you won’t always recognize when your words hurt someone, but if they did you should still apologize. Make sense?”

Donnie nodded and smiled in turn. “Makes sense.”

“What about the rest of you?” Raphael looked around to adress the rest of the box turtles.

“I ain’t apologizing.” Raph stuck up his nose stubbornly.

“I just don’t see why I should.” Leo said, not nearly as agressively.

“But… you’ll apologize?” Raphael appealed to Donnie.

“Uh… y-yeah, I will when I see him next.” Donnie agreed.

“Good fella.” Raphael gave him a head pat out of habit.

“Uh… thanks.” Donnie flushed and looked away to hide his embarrassed look.

“I still say you were major jerks,” Leonardo pointed his odachi at Raph and Leo.

“But we can’t force you to apologize.” Raphael finished with a sigh.

“I probably could, but that might be crossing the lines between what is classified as ethical and what might put me on the same wavelength as Draxum or Sergei Briuk-honenko and his dog experiments.”

[midnightsnyx]

Consequences - Matthew Tkachuk: part 7

summary: you absolutely hate Matthew Tkachuk so it’s just your luck when you wind up pregnant with his child.

a/n: we’re near the end! i hope you guys enjoy this part and thank you for reading <3

word count: 2.1k

warnings: none but FLUFF

Part 7

32 weeks

Ignoring tradition, you and Matt decided to have a single baby shower with everyone invited instead of a separate shower and a pamper party. It was more convenient for everyone and one party was less clean up, so bonus. What you weren’t expecting was for so many people to show up. You knew Matt had a big family but you didn’t think so many of them were invited. But, you did give Chantal and Taryn free reign to plan it so really, you shouldn’t be that surprised.

Most of his family was great and you get along with them wonderfully, especially some of his cousins who are around your age. But then there are the older women who are supposed to be mature, yet are giving you dirty looks and whispering things to each other.

It makes you self conscious because you know exactly the kind of things they are thinking and saying. It’s the exact same thing you’ve seen from some of Matt’s “fans”. Comments about how you got pregnant on purpose, and how it’s a shame now that Matt is stuck with you. You knew the comments were just people who were trying to get under your skin but knowing that some of his family and friends might be thinking the same was hurtful.  

You do your best to ignore it though and focus on the people who are actually nice to you, answering all the questions they have about potential baby names, what brands you’re using for the baby, and other purposeless things. But the feeling is always in the back of your mind so at one point, you slip into Matt’s bedroom so you can just breathe for a moment.

This, of course, just gives you more time to worry about what people are thinking about you and how they’re judging you and before you know it, you feel like you might cry.

Stupid hormones.

A knock on the door breaks you from your thoughts and you look up to see Matt standing there.

“Hey,” he says quietly, shutting the door behind him and walking over to sit next to you. “you disappeared.”

“Just needed a minute.” You tell him, hoping he doesn’t notice the way your voice cracks but the looks he gives you says you should know better by now.

“What’s going on inside your head?”

You shrug, not knowing how to explain without insulting his family. You don’t want him to think that you don’t like them, but you know he won’t leave you alone until you tell him why you’re upset.

So you try an approach you think he might understand.

“Do you ever feel like you’re being judged?” You ask quietly.

“All the time.” He answers easily. “Comes with the job description.”

“So you understand how it feels.” You say and he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Is that what this is about?” He nudges you. “You can’t possibly think they’re judging you, Y/N.”

“But they are! I see the looks some of your family and friends give me. It’s like they think I got knocked up on purpose.”

He shakes his head. “Who cares what they think?”

“You should care about what they think.” You say slowly, raising an eyebrow at his dismissal. “They’re your family.”

He shrugs. “You’re my family too.”

He says it so casually, so effortlessly and it’s like something just clicks in your brain and suddenly you have this overwhelming want, no need, to kiss him.

And that’s exactly what you do.

He doesn’t move at first when you press your lips to his, almost like he’s unsure about what to do and for a moment, you’re worried that you’ve ruined everything but then his hand comes up and cups your cheek and he kisses you back. You feel like you might melt straight through the bed and floor when he smiles against your lips and it’s absolutely perfect until Brady barges in the room.

“Where’d you guys- oh.” Brady freezes, eyes widening before he smirks. “Oh. I see what’s happening here. I’ll give you two a minute.”

“Brady.” Matt whines, dropping his head on your shoulder. “You’re ruining the moment.”

“Sorry! People were asking where you went!” He starts backing up and winks. “I’ll come up with a cover story. Have fun kids.”

“Brady.”

“Leaving! I’m going now!” He says, darting out the door and shutting it behind him.

Matt lifts his head, resting his chin on your shoulder instead of moving away. His eyes study your face as if he’s searching for any sign of regret but you smile to ease his worries.

“That was nice.”  

He raises an eyebrow. “Just nice? I think I can do better than that.”

“Okay, it was better than nice.” You giggle, feeling giddy. It’s a bit of a foreign feeling.

“Kind of overdue, huh?”

You raise an eyebrow. “You been wanting to kiss me, Tkachuk?”

“Oh, just since we met. Y’know, not that long.”

“Matthew.”

“What? I’m serious.” He says and then sighs. “I know I kind of fucked up when we first met. I was a bit of an ass-”

“A bit?” You tease and he gives you a dry look but you know he’s not actually mad.

“Hey, I’m trying.”

“Sorry.” You say solemnly. “Go on.”

He presses his lips together to hold back a smile. “You were funny and witty and kind from what Johnny had told me so I asked him to introduce me. Probably wasn’t the best idea to do it when I was drunk but he’s always had bad timing.” He shrugs. “He’d mentioned that you were fresh out of a tough relationship and I just… I don’t know, I just said the first thing that came to my mind and drunk me thought it was funny. Which obviously, it wasn’t.”

“I know we’ve already kissed-” he points to your stomach. “clearly, but I’d like to think of this as our first kiss.”

You grimace. “That works for me because honestly, I don’t remember much of that night.”

“I must have been doing something wrong, then.” He jokes.

“Guess you’ll have to show me again.”

He grins. “Deal. But first, I’m taking you on a date.

. . .

“I knew he’d come around.” Taryn grins, finishing the last of your makeup. When she heard that Matt was taking you on a date, she begged you to let her help you get ready. You were going to ask her anyway because you wanted to spend as much time with her and Chantal as you could before they went home. It was unlikely you would be able to see them again until after the baby is born and that thought freaks you out because you’re nearly 33 weeks and your doctor told you that you can deliver as early as 37 weeks.

So you only have about a month left to prepare yourself for childbirth. Luckily, Chantal has been so helpful, answering any questions you have and you feel so blessed that you have her to help you through this.

“I knew it was coming too.” Chantal says from her spot on the bed. You’re half certain you saw tears in her eyes when you told her that Matt had asked you on a date but you cried too so you can’t make fun.

“You guys have been hoping for this, haven’t you?”

Chantal shrugs and hides a smile. “Maybe.”

Taryn nods. “The way you two look at each other totally gives away your feelings. It’s weird seeing Matt like that.”

“Like what?”

“Nice. Honestly, a little unsettling.”

“Taryn.” Chantal scolds and the youngest Tkachuk raises her hands.

“I’m joking.” She mutters. “Kind of.”

Chantal just sighs but smiles when she looks at you.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”

Your face turns pink from her compliment but it does mean a lot knowing that Matt’s mom approves of you despite the unusual circumstances. You know that some parents might have had reservations about the situation you and Matt are in but Chantal and Keith treated you with nothing but respect and kindness since the start of this and you will forever be grateful.

“Well, you’re all done.” Taryn says, stepping back to admire her work. “You’re going to knock his socks off.”

“Even being 8 months pregnant?” You ask hesitantly.

“Especially being 8 months pregnant.” Chantal assures you.

Her assurance makes you feel a little better but when there is a knock on the door, you’re suddenly extremely nervous.

“Come in!” Taryn yells and Matt pokes his head in with a grin on his face. When he looks at you, his eyes go wide and mouth drops a little.

He stutters over his words which makes you feel better.

“Cat got your tongue, Tkachuk?” You ask, trying to hide the pleased look on your face.

He shakes his head and grins, walking over and taking your hands in his. “Just admiring how beautiful my girl is.”

“Your girl? Awfully presumptuous.” You joke but your heart warms at his words. You can hear Chantal literally awe.

Matt just grins and leads you out of the apartment and to his car. He even opens the door for you and you raise an eyebrow but don’t comment.

“Do I get to know where we’re going?” You ask when he slides in the drivers seat.

“Nope.” He says, sending you a sly grin.

You know it’s pointless arguing with him so you just smile back and rest your head on the seat, watching out the window until you reach your destination.

. . .

Matt knows you better than you thought because instead of bringing you to a fancy, high end restaurant, he brings you to a small but cute diner the two of you frequently go to. He knows it’s your favourite and it make you happy knowing that he notices small things like this.

“This okay?” He asks once the two of you are seated. He looks a little nervous and you want to get rid of any worries that he has.

“It’s perfect,” you assure him. “I love it.”

And you, you nearly say and you almost fall out of your seat at the realization.

Do you love Matt? You care for him deeply, that’s not a question and you know your feelings for him have been shifting lately. The kiss proved that, but were you confusing love, with infatuation? Or were you starting to actually have those feelings for him?

The better question is whether it’s a good idea to let yourself have these feelings right now because while this is nice, the two of you are about to be parents and any strong feelings like that can make things messy, especially if Matt doesn’t feel the same way.

You know you’ll have to acknowledge and deal with these feelings soon but for now, you let yourself enjoy the night, stealing fries off Matt’s plate while he pretends not to notice and arguing playfully about baby names.

It’s a problem for another night.

......

a/n: i wanna be like OH WE GOT THE FIRST KISS but technically this isn’t the first kiss because, well, you know 

[charlie-boio]

Learning to Love Again - Part 1

Pairing: Mitch Rapp x Reader

Word Count: 6089

A/N: Hey hey!! So this is the start of my new series for @writingsbychlo​ Mitch Month. She also helped me develop this idea which I am very grateful for! This will be a mutual healing fic for both Mitch and the reader, so please enjoy while I take you on a journey. I love this idea so much so I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!

WARNINGS: gun violence, talks of past abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, mentions of panic attacks.

  “Stay away from me!” you back away slowly, your arms extended shakily out in front of you. Unfortunately, you were running out of space and your back hit a wall.

“You really thought you could leave me? ME? Who else will have you, you worthless bitch!” Jake slammed his hand against the wall next to your head. You flinched, jerking your head away. He was uncomfortably close, his breath hot against you, his glare piercing right through you.

“Please…go away…” you whimpered, tears falling freely now. You felt yourself shrink into yourself more and more, internally begging whatever God was out there to let you escape this situation.

Apparently, He wasn’t listening.

Jake moved even closer; his chest pressed hard against yours. “You’re staying right here, with me. I’m not going anywhere,”

Feeling as though you had nothing left to lose, you jerked your head forward, ramming it up into his nose. Jake yelled out, stumbling back clutching his nose, blood dripping through his fingers. Your eyes went wide for a split second before you bolted, running down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the back door. You weren’t sure what to do or where you were going to go, but right now the adrenaline coursing through your veins wasn’t concerned about a plan. All you were concerned about was getting away.

A loud clap came roaring through the air, followed by an extreme pain tearing through your side. A loud shriek echoed, and for a split second you turned to see if anyone was hurt before realizing the screams and cries were your own. The starry sky above you began to blur away, voices shouting around you that began to blur together with your vision. Eventually a face came into your view, but by that point you were too far gone.

Now you were in darkness.

Falling…falling…falling…

*

*

You jerked awake, sitting up in your bed. Your hand remained clamped onto your side while you gasped for air. You tried your best to remember what your Dr. Hanson had said to you, but her words died in your head, feeling frustratingly out of reach.

After a few painstakingly long minutes, your gasps turned into deeper breaths. Your eyes glanced around the room, taking in your new surrounds. You went through a mantra in your head ‘This isn’t Jake’s house in Los Angles. This is your apartment that he cannot get into. He’s currently in jail, and he cannot hurt you.’ You repeated that to yourself a few more times until it truly stuck in your head.

Tentatively, you touched the scar on your left side, feeling the raised mark against your skin. You said your last mantra out loud, “It was only a dream…”

Knowing sleep wouldn’t come back to you, you got up and stretched. Picking at your fingers, you glanced at the clock. 4:58. You smiled a little to yourself. Dr. Hanson would be proud of you for sleeping in an hour longer than last week, though she’ll be disappointed you couldn’t get a night without nightmares. That thought killed your mood slightly as you got up and made your way to the kitchen.

Your apartment was small, with only one bedroom since you didn’t know anyone who would come to see you. The living room and kitchen were connected, and you had a lovely little porch outside of the living room on the third floor of your apartment building. There wasn’t much to your apartment since Jake made sure you didn’t have many possessions anymore, but you were proud of it, nonetheless.

You settled on the couch, flicking through different channels on your bulky TV until you found a show that was mind numbing enough for you to watch. The thought of eating crossed your mind for a split second before you shook it from your mind. You weren’t hungry, you never were in the mornings anymore.

Besides, after your session today you go to the coffee shop down the street, and that would be a lot of your calories for the day.

Instead, you sat there watching the screen, but your eyes and ears weren’t really focusing on it. You just needed the noise to distract you from hearing Jake’s voice ringing in your head. Or maybe by now it was your own voice. Quite honestly, you couldn’t tell the difference anymore.

You blinked and apparently now the sun was up. You blinked rapidly a few more times and rubbed your eyes together. A surge of panic raced through you as you checked the time before immediately sighing and seeing that it was only 8:28 now. You still had about another hour before you had to leave. Since you had the time, you decided to shower before heading over to Dr. Hanson’s office. You walked into the bathroom and clicked the lock on the door. Even though you lived by yourself you always locked the door. You didn’t think you could relax without it. Turning on the water, you stepped out of your clothes and made sure it was a slightly too hot temperature before stepping in.

Showering was another way for you to shut out your past trauma and memories, and perhaps it wasn’t healthy, but right now you didn’t know how else you could deal with Jake’s pounding in your head, and there wasn’t anyone you were close to anymore who could tell you that this was wrong, other than Dr. Hanson. All you wanted was a moment of peace, so you’d spend way too long just standing in the water, letting it wash over your skin before rushing through washing your hair and body and hopping out.

Unfortunately, the shower took a little longer than you thought it would, and by the time you got out, changing into a plain white t-shirt with leggings and tennis shoes, it was already 9:42. You should’ve left 12 minutes ago.

Your eyes widened at the clock while your heart began to race. Fuck, fuck, fuck! You thought to yourself miserably and you ran out the door. You didn’t want to seem like a freak, so you instead walked a little faster than normal as you made your way to Dr. Hanson’s office. Thankfully, you still arrived by 8:56, four minutes early. You still felt the familiar pool of guilt in your stomach as you sat down and waited for Dr. Hanson to call you back.

You bounced your knee while looking down and picking at your fingers, opening the barely healed scabs that were around them. You glanced up at the secretary Trevor, who didn’t meet your eye as he was typing away at his laptop, looking over all the therapists’ schedules for the day.

You looked over to your right to see someone else sitting, his leg crossed over with his foot resting against his knee. His dark hair was a little on the longer side, but the look suited him well, along with the dark wash jeans and black t-shirt that clung to him well. A few moles scattered across his face; some you couldn’t see quite as well beneath the stubble he had. You couldn’t help but feel like he was out of place; he looked completely at ease, slouching in his chair while he read one of the community magazines they offered. He looked like everyone else, someone who didn’t have nearly as many fucked up problems as you did.

You had seen him here a few times, showing up every other Sunday, and while he spoke warmly to everyone he’s interacted with (Trevor), but he looks like he just keeps to himself. Still, he looked so calm to you. It’d be nice to have that in your life.

His golden eyes flicked up to yours, making eye contact with you. You jumped and immediately casted your eyes down to your fingers, resuming your picking. It’s impolite to stare, Jake’s voice echoed in your head. And he was right. Your head began to pound. Rude, rude, rude, RUDE!

“Y/n?”

Your head snapped up at Trevor’s voice, meeting his gaze. He smiled politely at you. “Dr. Hanson’s waiting for you. You can go right in.”

You nodded and mumbled a thanks under your breath and you gathered yourself up and wait past Trevor’s desk. You could feel the other man’s eyes on you, but you refused to acknowledge him.

You sat in Dr. Hanson’s office, adjusting yourself left and right, continuing to bounce your leg. Her office was rather small, nothing super extravagate. It was painted a pale blue, with her desk turned to face the large window. On the sides were bookshelves, which were filled with different classical reads you recognized. In the far corner was a cat tower, where Herbert was sleeping lazily, and in the center laid a rug with two couches on it, one of which you were sitting in. You crossed your legs politely, and you kept your head low, keeping your gaze down at your hands, which picking at the skin around your fingernails.

“Y/n? Did you hear me?”

Your head snapped up; eyes wide. Fuck. You were definitely not paying attention.

“Um…I-I’m sorry, Dr. Hanson” you mumbled, casting your eyes back down and sinking further into your chair.

“It’s alright, I simply made the observation that you hadn’t been working on what we discussed this past week.”

Double fuck. She’d asked you to work on not picking at the skin around your fingers, and you had agreed that it was something you needed and would work on. In all honestly, you had completely forgotten about it; you were really wrapped up in doing your own thing and just trying to survive.

You contemplated lying, but that didn’t work out too well last week. Not that Dr. Hanson got angry with you; she never seemed to ever get mad with you. Disappointed, maybe, but never mad, and now that you thought about it, she never even seemed disappointed either.

You forced yourself to make eye contact, something else she had asked you to work on that you never did. “No, I haven’t. I’m really sorry.” You said, voice raised to be slightly above the mumble you usually went with nowadays.

Dr. Hanson took notice and smiled at you encouragingly. “That’s okay. Would you feel comfortable trying again next week? Or should we adjust a our strategy?”

You shook your head. “No, I want to try again. I really just forgot about it, Dr. Hanson, but I want to try and focus on it this week. If that doesn’t work, then we can try something else. I want to try and get better.”

“I know it’s hard for you to see, but you already are doing better than before. It’s small, yes, and it may not feel like something worth feeling proud over, but I can assure you it absolutely is. How’s your routine been doing, for example,” Dr. Hanson asked while scribbling something down in her notebook.

“Really well,” you answered. And it was. Until you heard Dr. Hanson say so, you just now realize that your routine had been something you greatly improved on. Until you thought about your nightmares, suddenly a pit fell through to your stomach. “Um…I’m not too sure you’ll like my routine…” you lowered your voice as you spoke.

“Would you mind telling me anyways?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t mind. Um…so I still have nightmares every night. It’s never the same incident, unless it’s…that night. Um, so I’ll usually wake up around 3:30 to 4:30. Somewhere in there. Um, then I’ll make a cup of coffee…but Decaf. I only have regular coffee on Sundays, so I’ll just watch TV until around 7:00, then I’ll shower and get ready for work which starts at 9:00, and then 4:00 I’ll go home and take a walk for about an hour or so. Then I’ll dinner and then I’ll…try to sleep,” you finished with a nod.

Dr. Hanson was nodding along, a smile on her face as she happily took notes while you spook. When she finished, she looked up at you. “What do you usually do on weekends?”

“Um…well nothing. Just watch TV, maybe read something. On Sundays I come see you and then go to this little coffee shop down the street, but other than that I don’t do anything,” you said, and honestly even reading was a small lie. You used to read a lot, almost five books a week. But after this past year, you honestly couldn’t remember the last time you read a book.

Dr. Hanson gave you a questioning look but decided against saying anything. “Can I ask a nudge question?” she asked.

Nudge and push questions. Nudges were topics that for you were uncomfortable to talk about but wouldn’t be panic attack inducing. It was mostly the “after-effects” of your and Jake’s relationship. Pushes were scarier and were questions specifically about what he did during your relationships. When you had first started out with therapy, you struggled to open up and it was awkward, and a little tense. However, once you developed this nudge and push system, it made your sessions go much smoother, especially if you weren’t ready to talk about certain things.

You took a deep breath and nodded, “I’m ready,” you answered.

“Can you tell me what your nightmares were about this week? If any of them are pushes, you don’t have to talk about them,”

Herbert had woken and was moving up on the couch and into your lap, so you were petting him as you thought it over. “Can I keep them brief?” you asked, a slight waver in your voice.

“Of course, whatever you feel comfortable with,” Dr. Hanson smiled at you encouragingly.

“Okay, well, most of them were from…that night. That’s usually when I would wake up, too. One of them was the day he locked me in the closet, only he never lets me out and I slowly shrivel away, and the last one was when we first met. Everyone was giving him weird looks, but I didn’t know what was wrong. Then he tore off his face and turned into a demon, and everyone was laughing at me…” Herbert cuddled into you closer, his big green eyes looking at you expectedly. It took you a second to realize you’d stopped petting him.

“Do you believe that dreams have any significance to your daily life?”

Nope, you thought. “I haven’t given it much thought.”

“Well, some might say in your latest dream, the one where Jake is a demon, that you blame yourself for not seeing it the signs sooner, and that everyone around you was able to see through it immediately. Would that have some semblance to real life at all?”

Whoops. You sighed. “…but it is true. I didn’t see it.”

“Y/n, a lot of people didn’t see it. Jake had a job, normal friends, and you both had neighbors that you regularly interacted. All of them didn’t see what was happening either. Do you blame them as well?”

“No, but-“

“Then it’s not your fault either. I know it’ll take some time for you to fully see this, but you were manipulated and groomed. This happens to people all over the world, and it’s no one’s fault but the person who did this to you, and you’ve been building your life back.”

Tears were lining your eyes now. “But-but I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything. I don’t feel better, and somehow even though he’s gone, I don’t feel free from him,” you blinked, and the tears fell.

“It’ll take time. Lots of time. Two years is a long relationship to undo, and it’ll be very hard I won’t lie, but you’re a strong girl. A survivor. You can get through this, I know it.” Dr. Hanson was able to say it with such confidence that you almost believed it.

Glancing at the clock, you realized 50 minutes had passed. Somehow, it still shocked you how much time flew by during these sessions.

“One last thing before we call it a day, sound good?”

“Okay,” you wiped your tears from your face.

Dr. Hanson handed you a tissue before continuing, “How about your job? You’ve been doing that for about two months now, and I haven’t heard you talk about it much.”

“Oh, it’s going good. I mostly just answer phones and organize people’s schedules. It’s a simple job, but I’ve been liking it a lot.”

“Have you made any friends?” Slowly, you shook your head. You barely spoke to anyone outside of the mandatory meetings to go over their upcoming week.

“Okay, are you up for another task to work on? You don’t have to accomplish it this week if you don’t want to, but maybe something to keep in mind, okay?” you nodded for her to continue. She smiled and said, “Make a friend. Maybe someone to join you at your coffee shop? Or someone to grab lunch with on Saturdays. You’ve been living here for almost three months, so make some roots; someone to talk to other than me. Give it some thought for me, okay?”

Herbert jumped off you, signaling the end of your session. You sat there for a moment. Another person scared you. Right now, you had your safe little bubble with you and Dr. Hanson. Anyone else was untrustworthy. What if they were like Jake?

Still, you knew it was unrealistic to shut everyone out, and if you were being honest, it’s been lonely. “…okay. I-I’ll try,” you said slowly.

Dr. Hanson smiled brightly at you while finishing up her notes. When she was done, she’d bid you a good day, and you left her office.

Walking down the street, you started thinking it over a bit more. You hadn’t even thought about starting over your life or making new friends. Thinking it over, you realized that’s probably why Dr. Hanson was pushing you to get a job in the first place. 

Therapists are sneaky…

That wasn’t true. They just point out obvious information and guide you through. It’s not her fault that your oblivious to it.

Turning the corner, you walked into The Roasted Bean. Sunday’s were popular, and today wasn’t an exception. You were about seven people back with everyone else buzzing around the shop, but you didn’t mind; it’s not like you were doing anything anyways. Besides, there were always tables available somehow.

Ben always worked Sundays, so he had gotten to know you briefly, or at least he knew your name. “Hey y/n, what would you like?” he asked warmly.

“Small iced caramel latte with whipped cream and a caramel drizzle please,” It was your usual order, but sometimes you liked to shake it up. Ben nodded at you before quickly going over to make your drink while you stepped aside. You started picking at your fingers, then quickly closed your fists, instead opting to fiddle with your wallet strap instead.

“Y/n?” Ben called, pushing your drink across the counter. You gave him a small smile, grabbing the drink from him. You turned to go to your usually spot to sit down and enjoy your coffee, but found a couple sitting there already. You fumbled for a moment and realized there weren’t any empty seats left.

You took in deep breaths, thinking over your options. You didn’t want to go back to your apartment, you would just lay in front of the TV again, and the park was a far walk from here, so by the time you would get there your coffee would be finished. You scanned the bakery again, hoping to find an empty seat when something caught your eye.

The man from the lobby was sitting at the far corner table, sipping on his coffee while reading a book. You weren’t sure how he found the peace to do that in a coffee shop. Like before, he looked relaxed and calm, something you were still drawn to. Taking another look over, you saw no one else sitting by themselves.

Dr. Hanson’s words echoed through your head. Make a friend.

Your legs were moving before you registered it, walking over to the man. Before you could think of a way to grab his attention, his eyes were already focused on you. They weren’t cold; they had a cautious undertone beneath the warm amber hues.

Still, he smiled at you softly, closing his book.

“Hi,” you said, wincing slightly as the stiffness in your tone.

“Hey, can I help you?” he responded evenly, keeping a pleasant smile on his face, but you could see him stiffen with you, though you had a feeling it was for different reasons.

“Um…” Fuck, this was a lot harder than you thought. “So-well-okay, I usually come to this coffee shop every Sunday and sit over there,” you jerked your thumb in the general direction of your usual spot. “And I usually sit by myself, but there isn’t open seats…and I guess I could you know go outside…or um go home, but I’m still pretty new here, so I was hoping I could sit with you for today?” You shuffled back and forth on your feet, flashing the man a quick smile.

He stared at you for a moment, still analyzing you. “Why me?”

You blushed. You didn’t really have a good answer for that. “Oh, well…I’ve seen you around before, and you seem to be pretty calm and…friendly…or at least able to tolerate someone while they drank coffee and talked about the weather,”

The man still didn’t say anything, his gaze hardened slightly. You were starting to think this was all a big mistake, but before you could open your mouth and apologize, he spoke. “Okay,” he said slowly, still not trusting you. “you can sit here.” He gave you another small smile.

It took you a moment to register what he said before you smiled back, settling down in the seat across from him.

For a few minutes, the two of you sat there uncomfortably, sipping your coffee. Maybe this was a bad idea. He probably changed his mind about you and now thinks you’re too odd to have as friend. I should just leave… As you went to make up an excuse, he spoke up. “What’s your name? I should probably know you a little better if we’re gonna sit together so it’s not like I’m talking to a brick wall.”

You giggled at his comment, “My name’s y/n y/l/n. What’s yours?”

“Mitch. Mitch Rapp.” You nodded, repeating the name to yourself under your breath. “How long ago did you move here?”

“Oh, I’ve only been here for a few months now,” you said.

“Ah, so that’s why I only just now saw you at O’Neil offices,” Mitch said smoothly.

You raised an eyebrow at him, “O’Neil?”

“O’Neil offices yeah, for therapy?”

Your eyes widened; your stomach dropped as you flicked your eyes down.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…” Mitch said softly as he gave you a worried look.

“No, no its fine it’s just…I always thought you weren’t supposed to talk about it…” you said, lowering your voice as you talked.

“Oh no, not at all,” Mitch visible relaxed. “I mean, it’s about whatever you feel comfortable with, so if you’d like I’d never bring it up again, but you don’t have to think about it like it’s a bad thing that you’re going or something that you have to keep a secret. It’s for you, and for whatever reasons you’re going.”

“How long have you been going?”

“A little over a year now,” he said. “I, uh, probably should’ve started awhile ago, but better late than never.” Mitch took another long drink of his coffee.

“So…it gets easier?” you asked, voice small.

“Eventually. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of patience. I’m not even where I want to be, but you know, it’s about setting goals for yourself, and you’re always adding and changing them, no matter how big or small they are. My biggest goal right now is to one day look back and see just how far I’ve come, you know?”

You smiled at him. “That…that sounds like a great goal to have,” you said. “I might steal it from you,”

Mitch laughed, and it confused you for a moment before you realized he laughed at the joke you made. It’s been so long since you had any friends you had forgotten what it felt like. You decided to be brave for a moment, “Um, what kind of coffee is that? I’ve always been a big coffee fan and love trying new ones,” You both smiled at each other.

You two stayed in that coffee shop for a while, talking about little things. To some, it may have seemed like a meaningless conversation, but for the both of you, it meant everything. For you, it was another step in taking back your life and placing roots in a place that maybe one day you could call home. And though you didn’t know it, Mitch was opening up to you slowly in a way he hadn’t done with anyone else in a long time. It felt like a positive step, for both of you.

Mitch’s sense of humor was darker than you expected, but so was yours, especially after everything that happened. You laughed and smile more in the short time with Mitch than you have in the past two years of your life. Maybe longer. It felt easy and comfortable, like perhaps you two have known each other your whole lives.

After a particularly long set of giggles, you finally managed to ask, “So, what do you do for a living?”

“Oh, I’m a CIA consultant,” Mitch answered, twirling the now empty coffee cup in his hands.

Your eyebrows shot up, “Holy shit! That’s really impressive,” and you truly thought that. Normally, someone with a violent job like that terrified you, but for some reason, you weren’t scared of Mitch.

“Yeah. A while back I used to work in a Special Forces part of the CIA, and I’m sorry but I can’t tell much more about it, but we would travel a lot and would be involved in the more serious cases. I can’t go into too much detail for obvious reasons, but it kept me distracted. I…had gotten into it for the wrong reasons, so after a few years of doing it I just felt…really empty. And I hated that. I guess you could say my passion for going out into the field had died down. It didn’t satisfy me anymore, and I wasn’t getting…what I wanted out of it. So, I moved to the desk job version of it. Now, I’d only go in the field if it was extremely serious, but they haven’t used me yet. After I moved to that desk job, I started going to therapy. Now here I am,” He gestured to the café you were in. He shifted in his seat, “I, uh, haven’t, told many people that…”

You blushed, before settling on another bold move. You reached out your hand, “Um…can I?” Mitch nodded, holding his hand out to you. You grabbed it and squeezed it gently. “I’m…I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me. And I get that, you know…the empty feeling…”

If you were really honest, this was the first time you had felt something in a long time. Even if it was just the start of your friendship.

Mitch squeezed your hand back, and you two left it like that on the table. The back of your said that this wasn’t something friends do, but you weren’t really listening to it. Instead, you two sat that, not saying another but not needing to. You could tell that Mitch was holding something back, but you couldn’t blame him. It’s not like you were being an open book yourself.

“What about you?” Mitch asked.

“Well, right now, I’m a secretary at the office down the street. I hope one day I could save enough money to go back to school, so I can finish my degree and become an elementary teacher,” your brain caught up to you, and you realized that you hadn’t told anyone about that dream, not even Dr. Hanson. Your heart quickened just a little bit. Why do I trust him so much? He’s a bigshot CIA member, he probably thinks that’s stupid…

However, Mitch smiled genuinely at you. “I can see that for you,” he said simply.

“R-really?”

“Yeah. I can read people pretty well, and I can just tell by looking at you that it’s something you’re passionate about, and you’d be really good at it,”

Happy tears sprung in your eyes, but you quickly blinked them away. Dr. Hanson always said she thought you were strong and brave, but somehow you wouldn’t believe her simply because she was your doctor. She was supposed to hype you up and say those things. But hearing that from someone you felt you had made a genuine connection with? It was something you hadn’t heard in a while, and it made you feel that maybe your dreams weren’t worthless after all.

“Thank you for saying that, Mitch. It…means a lot,”

“Meant every word, and I’m an extremely honest person. I promise I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” Mitch took a glance at his watch. “Do you live far from here? I would love to keep talking but I have a phone meeting at three that I can’t miss.”

You raised an eyebrow, fishing out your phone, “Three? But it’s only-“ you cut yourself off. It was 2:33. “We’ve been here for three hours?” you exclaimed.

Mitch chuckled, “Yep. Time flies, right? I can walk you to your apartment building, if you don’t mind. Do you live far?”

“Oh, just around the corner,”

You two left the coffee shop, still making some small talk to each other until you arrived outside the apartment building. Mitch turned to you, another soft smile on his face.

“I had a good time. We should do this again.”

“Absolutely! I had a wonderful time,” you said. And it was true, you did.

“Can I have your number then? I’d love to meet up for coffee next Sunday again,” Mitch was pulling out his phone.

“Oh, of course yeah!” you said happily, pulling out your phone. Your mood faltered slightly when you looked at the four pitiful contacts you had in your phone: Dr. Hanson’s number for emergencies, your boss’s number, your landlord’s number, and the only number Jake could never get you to delete.

Mom

You stared at your mother’s contact screen of the two of you together, big grins on your faces while the two of you had been vacationing in Rome. Your mom was always your biggest supporter, and you would never forgive yourself for the things you said to her that night.

Quickly, you pressed the ‘Create A New Contact’ button, looking up at Mitch. If he saw the contact list, he didn’t say anything, which you were grateful for. The two of you exchanged numbers.

“Okay, I’ll text you alright?” Mitch said, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“I’d like that,” you said with a smile.

Mitch stepped towards you and wrapped his arms around you in a hug. You froze for a second, unsure of what to do before melting into it, wrapping your arms around his neck. This feels nice, you thought, and you could’ve stayed like that for the rest of day.

Instead, Mitch pulled back, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead that caused your heart to flutter in a good way.

“See you around,” Mitch said, stepping away and giving you a wave.

“Bye!” you waved back at him as he turned around and walked in the opposite direction. You stood there for a moment, watching him leave before you entered your building.

Walking through your apartment door, you realized a few things: 1. You were still smiling from the hug Mitch gave you. 2. On the walk home, you two had held hands then too, and 3. In the entire time you were talking to Mitch, you hadn’t picked your fingers once.

You sighed happily as you set down your things and headed for the couch. For the first time in a few years, you had had a good day.

[missdawnandherdusk]

Gryffindor Extensive Dating a Malfoy Headcanons:

A/n: Y’all this got so long and sorta detailed and also mentions abuse, so please read with caution if you’re sensitive to that. I promise you that it’s never your fault and that you’re so precious and loved and worthy. Anyway, let me know what you think!!!

You see him and though you don’t say a word the boy screams “daddy’s money” and “spoiled brat” so you steer clear

When he’s sorted into Slytherin and you’re in Gryffindor you’re allowed to hate him on principle now

You room with Hermione and you two spend the first few weeks conversing about growing up Muggle v growing up Wizard late at night and help Hermione settle in because you can only imagine how strange everything is

Which means you have a score to settle with the blond brat who can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life

You and Hermione just end up rolling your eyes half the time

You almost punch Ron in the face when he makes the remark about Hermione being annoying first year

You and Malfoy have a good rivalry going. Not the same as he and Harry but you’re not one to back down from a fight

Second year you almost join the quidditch team just to get at Malfoy for saying “you’d be too worried about breaking a nail” oh you’d show him what you’re willing to break the little prat

Hermione reminds you that you’re afraid of heights and maybe that’s not the best idea and it has you sulking the rest of the day

With the Chamber is Secrets opened everything is //tense// and you really do wonder if Draco is the Slytherin heir you also wonder if it’s you because your family lineage gets hazy after a few generations

You deck Malfoy when he calls Hermione a mudblood. You get detention but it’s so worth it

Until it’s not. Because now whenever you’re around Draco he flinches when you reach for something in Potions or practice a spell in Charms and it doesn’t sit right with you. Sure he’s a git but you don’t want him to be scared of you

“Sorry,” you blurt out one day after class. You don’t look back as you take off down the hall. Draco is very confused because did you just apologize to him??

You’re quiet all of a sudden in class with him and you’re not really rising to his bait anymore and he starts to freak out a bit because this isn’t like you

Not like he cares. You’re a bloody Gryffindor who’s friends with a mudblood. You were a traitor to wizardkind

He still can’t get the sadness in your eyes out of his head though

It’s not like he thought about you. Or your silky hair. Or the way your face lit up when you got a spell right. Or the way you smiled at Harry all the time. It’s not like he was jealous or anything. It’s not like he joined the quidditch team because he thought that’s what you saw in Harry. Pfft. Of course not.

Soon you return to your firey self and Merlin is he in trouble.

“You know who opened the Chamber don’t you!? You know what did this to Hermione!?” You drew your wand cornering him one night while he was totally not following you to make sure you were safe after he heard about Hermione being petrified

“I... I...” he gapes at you and there’s that same sadness that comes back into your eyes as you lower you wand and take a step back. “Sorry,” you apologize again and rush away with tears in your eyes. He would have followed you if Crabbe and Goyle didn’t show up

You’re quiet again in class, always hunched over on yourself. He hasn’t seen you smile in weeks.

“I don’t know who opened the Chamber, and this might help with Hermione...” it’s an anonymous letter you get one night with a torn book page about a Basilisk but the handwriting looks oddly familiar

You run into Draco on after you see that Hermione is alright and you finally smile at him and maybe he smiles back

Third year comes and you definitely don’t notice how tall Dracos gotten. Or how his hair is no longer ridiculously slicked back. You definitely do not notice the silver ring on his finger or how he’s starting to look like he’s chiseled from marble. Nope. You don’t notice that at all. And Draco definitely doesn’t notice you noticing him. Nope.

You’re both in denial at this point. Your banter hovers somewhere between snarks and flirting and everyone is getting fed up with it because you two are just so blind

Which makes Harry cold towards you because he thinks you actually like Malfoy. And how could you ever? He was Malfoy

Draco tries with Buckbeak the same way Harry did because he noticed your awestruck expression at the beast and pfft. Anything Harry can do I can do better.

Hagrid makes you take Draco to the infirmary afterward and both of you protest but you listen to Hagrid.

“That thing could have killed me!” Draco complains. “It wouldn’t have killed you. It’s just a few scratches. Nothing to cry about,” you don’t sound defensive... just sad. It catches him off guard. In the infirmary you’re hunched over on yourself again, your arms pressed tightly around your chest.

“Are you alright?” “...shouldn’t I be asking you that?” There’s a small smile back on your face. “And I’m fine.” On a dime your peppy cheerful persona comes back and it gives Draco whiplash because bloody hell thats not normal

When Lupin makes you guys do boggarts in class, you’re a no show. Which is odd because you never skip class. Ever. He sees you talking with Lupin after class and you look like you’re on the verge of tears. Draco is about to... well he isn’t really sure what he’s about to do but whatever he’s planning stops because Lupin smiles at you and says something that’s has you laughing and heading off in the other direction

When Draco teases Harry about the dementors the fires of hell are in your eyes as you snap at him. “You have no idea what it’s like to feel hopeless!” “Oh and you do!?” Again there are tears in your eyes as you flee away from him

You spend a lot of time with Professor Lupin. After you apologize for skipping class that one day and confessing why you really don’t want the rest of the class to know what scares you the most, Lupin says his door is always open and that you weren’t the first student he knew who is afraid of a family member and he starts to teach you the patronus charm because dementors have a way of finding their way to you whenever you’re outside the castle

Hermione convinces you to come to Hogsmeade anyway. Draco nearly runs you over after Harry’s invisibility cloak prank. He’s on top of you and you’re staring up at him and stars have his eyes always been that blue?

He mutters something about staying out of his way and stalks off with the dignity of a wet cat and thanks Merlin that he can blame the blush on his cheeks on the cold weather

It’s the end of the year and you stall as long as you can before getting off the train and maybe Draco notices and maybe he watches your confident attitude drop as you walk away with a guy who can’t be than a few years older than you and you stand as far away from him as possible

Fourth year he finds you on the train, alone, very early, your eyes closed and your head resting against the back of the seat. Almost like you’re sleeping but he can see your fingers tapping on your thigh

“Y/l/n,” his voice is softer than it normally is when he talks to you. Your eyes snap open and you jump before relaxing. “What do you want Malfoy?” You rub your face. “Because I’m really not in the mood to fight right now.”

“I... just uh. Is that your brother then? Who dropped you off?” Hes never made small talk with you. You nod. “Is he a squib or...?” “He goes to Durmstrang.” You snap. “Anything else?” “Uh. No,”

“Are you going to be okay this year?” Hermione asked as the Durmstrang students came in, your brother included. “Yeah,” you gave a weak smile, trying to hide behind your friends

It might be a total lie because Hogwarts was the one place you got away from your family and your brother and now he was here and something sacred was lost to you. You see Draco sitting with your brother and the other students from Durmstrang and you’re just over it all

Draco chats up your brother shmoozing him. “Y/n? That nerd? Why would you care about her? She doesn’t have any friends,” and Draco freezes not understanding why he’s so angry at your brother for talking about you like that. He still hated you. It was principle

Draco rarely saw you anymore. At all. In class you were sitting in the back, only speaking when spoken to. The golden trio were always surrounding you and escorting you everywhere it seemed

Until one night he sees you alone in the hall, trying to get away from your brother. “Just leave me alone! This is my school! And Harry is my friend!” “You don’t have any friends! Freak! You think anyone is going to want you!?”

Draco is livid. Beyond livid. “Oi! No one gets to pick on Y/n but me!” He rushes in front of you. “Draco it’s fine,” your voice waivers. “Got yourself a little crush?” Your brother laughs. Draco hexes your brother and pulls you away to an empty classroom.

“What were you thinking!?” You screeched, tears in your eyes. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done!?” “Um a thank you would be nice!?” He screamed back. “Thank you!? You just—You don’t know anything!” You turn around and take a few deep breaths. “What do you think is going to happen when he finds me again? He can’t hex you but...”

Draco stares at you. “He wouldn’t hex you. He’s your brother.” There are tears streaming down your face as you turn to face him. “You really don’t know anything. Just go back to your perfect life Draco and leave me alone.”

You don’t leave your dorm room for a week afterward and you’re having Hermione relay homework to you and turn it in for you. She’s worried about you but won’t force you into anything. Draco is dying inside because he knows something is up but doesn’t know who to ask because everyone who might know hates him

When you eventually do come back to class, Draco about falls out of his chair

“I didn’t mean to yell at you, I’m sorry.” You whisper after class. Before you can leave this time he grabs your hand. “Tell me what’s going on,” he demands. “You don’t care,” your voice was hopeless and your words from last year echo in his mind. “I can’t care until you tell me what’s going on.” “Draco,” you sigh and shake your head. “Tonight. The Astronomy Tower.”

Draco realizes why you’re a Gryffindor when you’re done explaining just about everything and it really takes everything in him to not track down your bother and make him pay for what he’s done to you.

“Why haven’t you told anyone?” “Yeah, like anyone would believe me. And Hermione knows... McGongall... Lupin...” “the boggarts.” he realized and you nodded hugging your knees. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Yeah,” you nod. “Me too,”

You and Draco come to some sort of unspoken agreement. In fact Draco has been purposely avoiding you because your bother and his friends are always around him so he does anything he can to give you a break.

He finds you again in the astronomy tower late one night and as you two watch the stars. “Do... do you maybe want to go to the Yule Ball with me?” He barely asks. “I’m not going,” you tell him. “My brother will be there and it’ll just be... it’s not worth going.” “You’re going to let him ruin the first Ball you’ve ever been to? Especially when you have a chance to go with the hottest guy in school?” There was a smirk on his face. You let out a hopeless laugh and look over at him. “No matter what he says, you have friends here. You have a home here. You’re a Gryffindor and a bloody good one.”

You agree to go with him and though Harry and Ron hate you for the times being Hermione and you sit down and explain what’s been going on and now they’re apart of your defense squad too

Draco and you are so awkward at the Ball but you have to admit, you’re not afraid of your brother because Draco is right, you have a home here. And about the entire school at your defense including a very stern intimidating McGonagall

Draco is a total gentleman and you two quip and flirt the entire night and boy does he know how to dance and doesn’t mind you stepping on his toes

When your brother tries to come at you again, before the Golden trio gets to you, Draco is there. “I’d prefer it if you speak to my girlfriend with a little respect.” His voice is calm and collected and stars if your heart doesn’t melt as he pulls you close to his side

Harry and Draco are still at odds but while you’re brother is around there’s a truce to protect you

You and Draco spends nights in the Astronomy Tower talking or just sitting in silence. Draco confesses that his father isn’t much better than your brother. You take his hand and you feel like someone understands

He gets you an amulet. “It... it wards off hexes and jinxes. I thought maybe you’d...” you jump into his arms smiling and almost crying. “Thank you Dray,”

You’re with Draco during the third task and you’re told Voldemort is back and you flip out and maybe you go off on him because part of you thinks that he had something to do with you and then lied and “I trusted you!” “Wait! Hang on!” He calls after you but you’re gone.

“Please, I’m begging you. Get Vertiserum or cast a spell, I’m telling the truth,” he’s in near tears as you and the golden trio glare him down. “Please, I’m not my father,” his blue eyes are trained on you and you give in and nod

Harry and Ron protest as you run into his arms and he holds you close. “I would never do anything to hurt you,” he murmurs just for you to hear.

He hates letting you go back home over the summer but he writes to you every day and threatens constantly to come there and break you out. You assure him you’re okay and that your brother is gone this summer on some sort of excursion.

And you tell him you’re spending the last few weeks at the burrow (at least that’s what you tell him because you can’t give away the Orders position) because Ron accidentally let it slip and you bet your stars Mrs. Weasley has something to say about it

Harry along with the rest of the Weasleys aren’t too keen on your relationship with Draco, but no one can deny that he cares about you and your safety

You and Sirius have a talk about your childhoods and Sirius helps you the best he can along with Remus and Mrs. Weasley. From spells to mental techniques to grow stronger

You’re so proud that Draco is a prefect that you actually tackle him on the train. He laughs and says hello and you’re blushing and it’s awkward again but you feel at home when you’re beside him

Dolores Umbridge doesnt scare you one bit because you’ve dealt with much worse. She wants a prefect rule follower? Someone to smile and press on despite being treated unfairly? Bring it.

Draco can’t come to DA with you but you do teach him in your own time. You’re still not sure about him being on the right side of the war, but you trust him.

You show him your Patronus and he clams up. “I... I don’t think I can,” he admits. You sit beside him and take his hand. “And I didn’t think I could,” you confess. “But there is so much more to both of us.”

You’re inches apart and staring at each other and there’s a nervous energy between you and then his lips are on yours and he tastes like tea and mint and his hair is soft under your fingertips and maybe he’s found a happy memory to start to cast a patronus. It’s not a corporeal one yet... but it’ll protect him

Draco is caught between being a Slytherin and being in love with you that it’s tearing him apart because his father doesn’t know and expects so much more from him that you’d hate him for and he can’t tell you about it because he’s so scared to lose you

And he almost does when you go to the Ministry to save Sirius. When you come back you won’t talk to him and then he hears news about his father being in Azkaban and just wishes you would hold him but he knows you’re furious

“I’m sorry, I’ll write when I can,” You whisper before Harry drags you away glaring down Draco and almost snarling

You don’t get a chance to write to Draco over the summer because your brother is home and it’s hard to send a letter without too many questions or threats

Draco gets low. Real low. He thinks you’ve given up on him and the Dark Lord strikes: Draco becomes a Death Eater

He glares at you as you go up to him on the train sixth year and your face falls as you don’t say a word and walk away, fighting back tears. 

You two don’t talk. In fact, no one talks about him around you because they’re afraid you might just snap. Until Katie Bell gets cursed and Harry goes off on Draco. 

Then you hear that Draco was in detention because he missed two homework assignments. You know Draco well enough to know that that wasn’t like him at all, even if he refuses to talk to you.

And you feel awful because you know he’s going through something dark and he’s alone and you know what that feels like

“McGonagall,” You try. “He’s in detention, you cannot come in,” She narrows her eyes at you. “Please, don’t think I won’t do something to land me in there with him,” You bite back. “I just want to talk to him.” Your voice softens. “Very well,” She gestures for you to go in and closes the door behind you. Now you’re alone with him.

You sit beside him, staring straight ahead. His head in down on the desk. 

“I know... I know we’ve grown apart... and I know you hate me... but I miss you. And I don’t know what’s going on... and I don’t deserve to know, but... please, I’d give anything. Anything to do it all over. To...” and you’re crying and hugging your knees. 

“I... I don’t hate you,” he finally whispers and you look over at him, “I just... don’t understand what I did to make you... I thought you understood that I’m not my father,” 

“Of course I know that.” Your eyes meet his. “Draco, I never stopped believing in you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t write to you, or tell you sooner. I’m sorry I failed you,” 

Now you’re both crying and holding each other and Hogwarts feels like home again. 

Harry is not happy that you’re back with Draco but at this point, you don’t give a damn because you lost him once and you weren’t doing it again

You also know he’s hiding something from you, and won’t tell you what. You respect that you hurt him by leaving even if it was unintentional and that he’s going to have boundaries so you wait until he’s ready. 

He looks a little bit healthier now that you’re next to him. Until one night he asks you to stay in your dorm and not come out until the night is over and hell if you’re doing that

You stand between him and Dumbledore, tears in your eyes as they’re trained on the Dark Mark on his arm “You’re not a villain Draco. You’re not your father!” You cry. “You don’t know what I’ve done! He’s going to kill me if I don’t do this!” He yells back. 

Snape Bellatrix and Fenrir all join you three and Fenrir tackles you, raking his claws against your chest. Draco watches in horror as you start to bleed out. Snape kills Dumbledore and Draco lifts you into his arms and carries you out of Hogwarts through the midst of the chaos and apparates back home, demanding for Snape to fix you

When you wake he kisses you for a solid minute and clutches you tightly to him. “Don’t ever do that to me again,” He whispers harshly. “What would I do without you?” “Probably something stupid,” You laugh through tears. 

You’re allowed to live, but you’re thrown into the dungeon. “I’ll get you out of here,” Draco vows, clutching your hands through the bars. “Don’t be stupid, I’m okay. Just stay safe and keep your head low,” You kiss him softly. 

He comes to you at night, in tears, babbling about what he’s being made to do and you hold him, assuring him that you still love him, that he’s still yours, that it’s not his fault even though it’s gut-wrenching to hear you never let him know what happens to you when he’s not there. Bellatrix is frustrated that you don’t scream, but you have a high pain tolerance thanks to your brother

After breaking out with the golden trio and talking with Bill and Remus about how your werewolf scars have effected you the next time you see Draco is at the Battle of Hogwarts

After, of course, uniting the Houses and calling bullshit that none of the Slytherins wanting to fight you lead and coordinate the attacks against the Death Eaters. You meet Draco after he’s saved by Harry and pull him into a passionate, desperate, bloody kiss. “There’s a war going on here!” Harry calls. “Seriously you’re worse than Ron and Hermione,” 

You two are a force to be reckoned with. At this point, you have no qualm about using Unforgivable Curses and you and Draco are just downright terrifying

You’re about to be killed by a Death Eater when another masked cloaked figure knows the threatening one down. You’re super confused but you’d know that wand anywhere. You breathe out your brother’s name and he helps you up. “Go kick ass,” Your brother breathes out and tears off the other way

When Harry’s “dead” you take Draco’s hand, grounding him and watch Neville be a true Gryffindor, and tears slip out quietly. 

Then Harry’s not dead and chaos breaks out and you lose Draco in the fray. You’re frantic looking for him when Bellatrix finds you and sends a Killing Curse your way but someone jumps in front of you. The same masked cloaked figure from before you kill Bellatrix without a second thought and kneel next to your dead brother, sobbing

Draco tries to get you to safety but you screech and fight him off refusing to leave your family. Draco groans and lifts up your brother and carries him away with you following

When the battle is done, Draco holds you and you threaten anyone who tries to arrest him or take your brother away from you. 

There are still trials held and Draco gets off on a year probation when Harry shows up along with a lot of your classmates and speak on his behalf and you’re crying in the courtroom

You bury your brother and the headstone reads “A true brother in the end and always loved,” Draco holds you close as you lay flowers down.

It takes a lot of healing and time between the two of you and after you two have grown as people, mentally and morally, he asks you to marry him and of course, you say yes

It’s a quiet affair on the manor with all of your school mates and a few new faces

You get the Draco constellation and narcissus flowers on your left forearm to match his Death Mark with narcissus flowers. 

You two live in the Manor and redecorate/renovate, always having the windows open to let in light and wash away bad memories

You still meet up with Harry and co. at least once a month for drinks and to chat. Draco sees Harry every day because their both Aurors, but since you’ve had Scorpius, you’ve decided to be a stay at home mother and to look after the Manor

There are still dark nights and broken cries in the dead of night, but the sun always rises, and you two always try again

. 

.

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[michelangelinden]

Anyone who asks (Everyone, really)

My guys!!! I finished the sequel to ‘Rambo the Hamster (don’t give Reggie a cat)’ and it’s pure Willex fluff. You can read it here or on AO3, please let me know what you think, I’m so excited!!

***

  Alex kicked open the door to the garage.

  “Somebody hand me a cat right now. I need to hold something or I’ll fucking break!”, he exclaimed as he marched into the studio. Luke, Reggie and Julie all turned to him looking shocked. He knew he was making a very dramatic entrance but he felt like he needed it, like he deserved it.

  “You can hold my hand!”, Reggie said, raising it into the air. “Both of them”, he added, raising his other hand too.

  “Thanks, man, but I’d rather squish a kitten than you.”

  Julie made a horrified face but Reggie jumped up immediately, picked James the cat off her lap and pushed it into Alex’ grabby hands. Alex accepted him, dropped himself onto the sofa between Julie and Luke and started petting the cat aggressively.

  “Are –“, Julie started, “are you okay?” She looked back and forth between Alex’ worried face and the cat comfortably squished between his hands. The question hung in the air for a minute and while Alex continued to pet James the cat at a rapid tempo and felt the concerned looks of his friends on his face, he calmed down a little.

  “Yes”, he answered eventually. “Or no. I don’t know yet.”

  “Can we, I dunno, help you? Or something?”, Reggie asked hopefully but also a little confused.

  “Where were you, by the way?” Luke gently put a hand on Alex’ knee but Alex flinched in surprise and he pulled back again.

  “Sorry”, Alex muttered and took a deep breath. He carefully loosened his grip on James the cat, who curled up on his leg and fell asleep immediately (Alex just had that effect on him). He continued to stroke him but much slower and more carefully.

  “I was down at the pier, with Willie.”

  “Oh. Is he okay? Did- did something happen?” Julie sounded worried.

  “What? No. No, he’s fine, just –“, Alex swallowed, “can I have a hug? Like not a I’m-sad-and-need-affection-hug but an I-can’t-believe-this-is-real-hug?”

  Both Julie and Luke nodded enthusiastically. Julie pushed one arm behind his back and hugged his stomach, her head on his chest, and Luke threw an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. Reggie, who had sad down on the floor in front of them, hugged his left leg.

  “Okay”, Alex started, “so we met on Sunset Boulevard, you know, like we always do.” Julie nodded against his chest. “And we walked for a bit and then he –“, he felt himself blush a little, “and then he took my hand and we poofed to the pier. And I thought like ‘okay, he took my hand so that I don’t get lost when we poof’ but then he– he didn’t let go? And I was a little confused by then.”

  “Nah, man, he likes you!” Luke punched him softly and chuckled.

  “Wait, wait, I’m getting there.”

  “Yeah, Luke, shut up”, Julie said and poked Luke in the side. He yelped and went to poke her back but Reggie cleared his throat and the two settled down again.

  “Yeah, so we just, you know, walk along the beach, as one does, he continues to hold my hand, ‘what the hell is up with that?’, I think and then we find a spot a little off from all the other people, not that they can see us, I mean, but it feels a little more private if there’s less people around, even though they can’t even see us …”

  “Yeah, yeah, we know, please continue”, Reggie interrupted him, patting his knee impatiently, and Alex took another deep breath.

  “Anyways. We sit down on the sand and he lets go of my hand, which, like, makes sense, because we’re not moving anymore. But then, as we’re sitting, and we both have our legs pulled up, he kind of pushes his knee against mine?” Julie gasped and lifted her head to look at him.

  “He didn’t!”

  “He did!” Alex nodded at her. “And we’re both wearing shorts so it’s – it’s weirdly intimate.” Julie shrieked a little and squeezed him.

  “Alex, that’s so exciting!”

  “Wait, wait, I’m not done.”

  “There’s more?”

  “Shush!” Both Julie and Reggie silenced Luke. Alex swallowed.

  “So we’re still talking, I don’t even remember what it was about, and then he takes my hand again, and I kind of start to freak out a bit, and then –“, he paused.

  “And then what?” Julie squeezed him again.

  “And then he kisses me.”

  A beat.

  Then yelling.

  Julie squealed again and hugged him even harder, Luke punched his side excitedly and Reggie jumped up to drum on his knee. James the cat woke up, hissed a little and fled off his lap but Alex couldn’t blame him.

  “Dude, that’s amazing!”, Luke yelled and Alex was sure he’d get a bruise on his shoulder.

  “What was it like?”, Reggie asked and Julie kicked him.

  “I don’t know.” Alex frowned. “Short. But, um, but sweet.” He paused and blushed again. “His, uh, his lips are really soft”, he all but whispered but Reggie still heard him and made gagging noises.

  “Hey, you asked”, Julie said and kicked Reggie again.

  Then Alex remembered the other thing.

  “I said ‘yowza’ afterwards”, he mumbled, barely audible.

  “What?”

  He cringed and cleared his throat.

  “I said ‘yowza’ afterwards.” He wasn’t proud of it.

  A beat and then Luke and Reggie started laughing loudly. Julie just looked at him with an incredulous grin.

  “Oh my god.” She laughed. “I can’t believe you.”

  “Yeah, he said so too.” He groaned. “But then he kissed me again, so I think I’m good.”

  The other two boys were still laughing, Luke had slipped dangerously close to the edge of the sofa and held his stomach.

  “Of course, you’re good! You kissed!” Julie shook him. “Alex, that’s so exciting. I’m so happy for you!”

  “I’m happy too”, Alex admitted, blushing. Julie grinned at him.

  Reggie and Luke began to calm down, they were both sitting on the floor, holding each other’s shoulders.

  “And?”

  “And what?” He frowned.

  “Did you talk about it? The kiss?”

  “Uh, no?” He thought back to what happened after they kissed the second time. “We just kinda stared at each other for a second and then we were talking again. And then I realized I was late for band practice so I came here. End of story.”

  “You didn’t even tell him you like him?” Reggie asked, a little shocked. Alex was surprised he was still following the conversation on the sofa.

  “Sorry, I was a little in shock, after, you know, being kissed by Willie.” He shrugged and they all laughed.

  “Sorry, you’re right.”

  “Besides, I don’t even know if he likes me back, so it probably would have been really awkward if I told him”, he shrunk back into Julie’s arms, now very much in doubt of the whole scene.

  In front of him, Luke and Reggie said “Dude” and “What the hell?” at the same time and Julie pulled her arms back from his body to put her hands on either side of his face, squishing his cheeks a little and making him look at her.

  “Oh Alex, sweet, sweet Alex. I don’t know if you know this, but when you kiss someone that means that you really like them, okay?” He nodded slowly, but he didn’t know if he did it himself or if Julie’s grip on his face made him. “There is absolutely no possibility that Willie doesn’t like you.” She let go of him and he looked down at where he had his hands clasped together in his lap.

  “You really think so? You haven’t even met him.”

  “We know so”, Luke said, “we’ve met him.” Alex looked up and saw that both him and Reggie were smiling at him. He looked over at Julie and she was smiling too.

  Yeah, maybe Willie did like him. He kissed Alex, after all. That had to mean something.

 ***

   It had been almost two weeks since Willie had kissed Alex for the first time. He had been so, so nervous, like close-to-throwing-up-nervous, but Willie had wanted to do that for so long that just kind of did it, when the opportunity arose. He still had no idea how he’d gotten the confidence to do it, but he’d done it and he didn’t regret it for one second.

  It had been short, not more than just pressing his lips onto Alex’, and he’d probably almost missed his mouth, and Alex had said “yowza” afterwards which was the reaction Willie had least expected from him, but they’d laughed and then they had kissed again and every time Willie thought back to that moment he had butterflies ice-dancing in his stomach.

  Since then, they had met twice. When they had met at the park by Julie’s house Willie had been afraid at first, that it would get awkward, they hadn’t really talked about the kiss. But it hadn’t been, really, they’d just talked and laughed, like they always did. And after they had chased each other around the lawns (which they hadn’t been allowed to step on, but no one tells ghosts what they can’t do), Alex had pulled Willie close and kissed him, long and slow, and then he’d run off again and Willie’d felt like he would combust at any second.

  They hadn’t kissed when they had met down at the pier again – or not really, at least. But Willie didn’t mind, they’d walked along the shore for what felt like hours, holding hands the entire time. And when it had been time for Alex to go home – he was always worried about being punctual – he had stroked Willie’s cheek softly and had pressed a gentle kiss on the corner of Willie’s mouth and when he had poofed away, Willie had to lay down in the sand to process it.

  Every time he thought about any of these situations, he felt his heart flutter and his chest bloom warmly, his hands itching to hold Alex’ and his lips yearning to be pressed against his. He missed him and an uncomfortable amount too, and he needed to put a stop to the uncertainty hovering around them every time they met.

  He was on his way to Alex right now, the wheels of his skateboard flying over the concrete, bringing him closer to the Molina’s house with every passing second and he felt the nervousness spread from his stomach all the way into his fingertips. He hadn’t known he was still capable of feelings like these up until he met Alex, but he was glad he could still feel all the exciting emotions that came with being giddy about a crush.

  He stopped his board in front of the driveway, taking a breath to calm his nerves. He hoped Alex was home, because if he wasn’t, the afternoon he had spent worrying about what to say when he saw him, had been for nothing.

  He could see the tips of the setting sun glowing behind the roof of the garage, basking it in soft, orange light.

  He took another breath before walking further, rounding the corner to walk down the steps. He stopped only for a second before phasing through the wooden doors of the studio, not allowing himself to think too much about it.

  He was greeted by an unexpected sight. The studio was empty apart from Alex laying on the couch, as asleep as he could be. There were three furry creatures curled up on his chest and only when Willie squinted could he identify them as- kittens?

  “What the-“, he started and Alex startled awake, his eyes flying open and meeting Willie’s in surprise. The three kittens rose up immediately, tumbling off Alex’ chest onto the couch and then onto the floor, meowing loudly (screaming, to be honest) as they made their way over to Willie as fast as they could.

  He lowered his board onto the ground and crouched down to greet them. They let him stroke their heads and only the black one tried to bite him, which he took with a laugh. They were cute and soft and Willie was momentarily distracting from his mind, which he greatly appreciated. His eyes crinkled in adoration as the grey one started purring under his hand, flopping to the side to let him tickle its stomach.

  “Hi, Willie”, he heard Alex say from the sofa, and Willie looked up to smile at him.

  “Why did you hide them from me? I would’ve come over much earlier if I knew that they were here.”

  Alex chuckled in response, finally sitting up on the edge of the couch.

  “Sorry”, he said, fiddling with a bracelet on his wrist.

  The black cat took another try at biting Willie's finger off.

  “That’s Andy, he’s a little rude sometimes”, Alex explained and Willie laughed at that.

  “Yeah, I noticed.” He turned to the black cat. “Please leave me my fingers, little guy, I need them.”

  When he looked back up at Alex he was watching them with a soft smile on his face.

  “What are the others called?”, he asked, turning back to pet the grey one, still purring on its side on the ground in front of him.

  “The spotty one is Michelle and the grey one is, uh-“, Alex paused, causing Willie to look back up at him, “that’s James the cat.”

  Willie squinted at him in amusement.

  “Why those names?”

  “Please don’t make me say it.”

  Willie just tilted his head a little and Alex sighed.

  “They’re our middle names. Andrew is Luke’s, Michael is Reggie’s and James-“, he sighed again, “is mine.”

  Willie smiled brightly at the new information about Alex and got up, careful not to scare the cats.

  “You didn’t pick them”, he said and it wasn’t a question, he already knew the answer. Alex shook his head.

  “Julie forced them out of us. She wanted to name them after us because we’re so similar.”

  Willie looked down at the grey cat, that has gotten up from the floor and was now tiptoeing around his legs, still purring.

  “Let me see”, he started, kneeling down again, to scratch it behind its ears. “Always seeking physical contact, very soft hair”, his gaze flicked up and met Alex’, “very cute. It fits.”

  Willie watched with a smile as Alex’ cheeks darkened in a blush and he looked down at his hands in his lap.

  “You can’t just say stuff like that”, he said quietly.

  Willie got up again, slowly walking over to the couch.

  “Why not?”

  He was standing in front of him now and leaned forward carefully, settling his hands on Alex’ knees. Alex looked up at him, the red on his cheeks deepening.

  “It makes me blush”, he almost whispered. He unfolded his hands and gently set them on top of Willie’s.

  “That’s the point”, Willie answered, squeezing Alex’ knees and leaning a little further into his space. “It’s cute”, he added.

  Alex hands slid a little further up Willie’s, his fingers slipping past the cuffs of Willie’s sweater, closing around wrists. Willie watched as Alex’ gaze flicked down to his lips, just for a second, before meeting Willie’s again.

  “Can I kiss you?”, Willie whispered and the warmth in his chest bloomed when Alex nodded.

  He closed his eyes and dipped his head a little lower to catch Alex lips with his own. He smiled against them when Alex grip on his wrists tightened. His lips were soft on his, the kiss sweet and gentle and Willie felt like he could get lost in it, if he wasn’t careful. He tilted his head a little, allowing Alex to push closer, his thumb stroking Willie’s forearm.

  They separated and he chased Alex’ lips with his, a quiet laugh escaping Alex and they were still so close that Willie felt it on his face.

  “What?”, Willie asked quietly and smiled. When he opened his eyes again, he saw that Alex' were still closed.

  “Nothing”, Alex whispered and leaned his forehead against Willie's. He slowly breathed in through his nose, taking in the warm feeling surrounding them.

  Willie took in a sharp breath and Alex pulled back immediately, his eyes flying open and looking at Willie in concern.

  Willie looked down his legs to see the black cat hanging onto his sock, its tiny claws piercing through it into his skin, and huffed a laugh.

  “Ow”, he said, more out of reflex than as a genuine reaction, because it didn’t hurt bad enough for him to be in actual pain.

  He pulled his hands away from Alex knees, Alex fingers sliding off his wrists and he missed the contact immediately, but plucking the cat from his leg was more important right now. He gently gripped its small body and tried to remove it, but its claws were so caught in his sock, that he had to crouch down to separate them one paw at a time. When he held the kitten in his hand, he raised it in front of his face, shaking his head at it, as if it was a small person.

  “I need my legs too”, he told it and carefully placed it back onto the floor. It didn’t plan to stay there, rushing forward again to climb onto his shoe. He chuckled and picked it up again, standing up with it and putting it down next to its sibling in hope that it got too distracted to jump at him again. It attacked the spotty one instead and the two started to scuffle around the floor.

  Willie turned around to see Alex watching him and smiled, walking over and lowering himself onto the couch next to him. Their shoulders were inches away from each other and Alex bumped their knees together.

  “Hi”, Willie said, only just remembering, that he never greeted him.

  “Hey”, Alex answered and for a minute the two fell into comfortable silence, just being in each other’s presence.

  Willie couldn’t help but think, that this was it, this had to be the moment, and the nervousness started to spread through his body again. His fingers tingled and he started to fiddle with the hem of his black shorts.

  Alex must have noticed, because he gently pulled Willie's hand away from his leg and intertwined their fingers. He squeezed Willie's hand and stroked his knuckles with his thumb.

  Yeah, that was it.

  “Hey Alex”, he said before he could stop himself and Alex' gaze lifted from their hands to Willie's face. They looked eyes for a second before it got too intense for Willie and he had to look down again.

  “What’s up?”, Alex asked and shuffled a little closer.

  “I-“, he started, “I was wondering-“, he broke off again, sighing. “We, uh, we’ve been spending a lot of time together, the past few weeks and, uh-“, he swallowed, “I really like it. This.” He squeezed Alex hand to stress his point. “And now I, uh, I was wondering if”, he had to pause again, gaining confidence for the next words, “if I could call you my boyfriend.” He was almost whispering.

  Alex seemed to have caught the words anyways.

  “Who would you tell?”, he asked quietly, matching Willie's voice. He lifted his free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Willie's ear. Willie looked up, daring to hold his gaze.

  “Anyone who asks”, he answered. “Everyone, really”, he added, because that was probably closer to the truth.

  “I would like that”, Alex said, placing his hand on Willie's cheek and stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. Willie leaned into the touch.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” Alex paused and Willie's eyes flicked over his face for any indication that he was lying. “I think I would like it if you called me your boyfriend”, Alex continued, as if he knew of Willie's worry.

  Willie lowered his eyes to Alex' lips, slightly parted and pulled into a soft smile.

  “Can I-“, he started but he felt Alex lips on his before he could finish his question, pushing into Willie and he pushed back just as eagerly.

  He pulled his hand out of Alex grasp to place it on the back of his head, pulling him closer, while he settled the other on his cheek. This kiss was different than the ones before, less gentle, because they were both starting to grin, but it still sent Willie's heart flying. Alex' hand, that was not still holding his face, slid down to the small of his back. His thumb slipped past Willie's sweater and graced his skin accidentally and Willie gasped at the sudden sensation of Alex cold thumb against his skin, pulling back a little. It didn’t take long for him to start laughing quietly and Alex joined him, removing his hand from underneath the sweater and looping his arm around his waist instead. Willie connected their foreheads, keeping his eyes closed.

  They stayed like that for a moment, but then Alex huffed a small laugh.

  “Can we please pretend, that I am the confident one in this situation?”, he asked, causing Willie to open his eyes and look at him, “because I’m totally freaking out on the inside.”

  A loud laugh burst from Willie and he had to lower his head onto Alex' shoulder to not accidentally spit on him.

  “No, please stop laughing”, Alex tried but Willie couldn’t help himself.

  It took another minute for him to calm down before Alex gently lifted Willie's head with his hand.

  “Please”, he said again, looking at him with soft eyes and Willie smiled.

  “Sorry”, he whispered and kissed him again, just because he could.

  He felt Alex smile against his lips, parting them slightly, to-

  A poofing-sound drove them apart, their hands staying where they are but their heads turning towards the source of the noise.

  Reggie appeared out of air, his back towards them, looking around.

  “Hey Alex, have you seen the cats?”

  Alex didn’t say anything, just kept looking at him.

  Reggie spotted them on his own, because they all stumbled towards him, yelling excitedly.

  “Oh, there they are, hi there!”, he exclaimed happily, crouching down and picking up the spotted one. Then he finally turned towards them. “Oh, hi Willie”, he said, looking down at the cats again, unbothered by the position he found Willie and Alex in.

  Until-

  Reggie’s face snapped back up at them.

  “Willie!” He looked back and forth between the two. “You- and Alex- I interrupted something, didn’t I?”

  “Yes!”, Alex said pointedly, while Willie said “yeah, kind of”, a little softer, and Reggie gasped loudly.

  “Oh god, I’m so sorry!” He jumped up immediately. “Just- please give me a second, I-“, he carefully picked up the cats one by one, before shooting one last look at them. “Sorry!”, he said again and with another poof he was gone as quickly as he came.

  They stared at the spot where Reggie just stood, blinking in confusion.

  Alex groaned loudly, turning his head and pushing it into Willie's shoulder, his hand slipping from his cheek down his chest around his back. Willie laughed but slid his hands off his head and his arms around his shoulders, hugging him close.

  “I am so, so sorry about him”, Alex said, muffled against the fabric of Willie's sweater. Willie chuckled.

  “Don’t apologize.” He pressed a kiss into Alex' hair. “I am more than happy right now”, he whispered and felt Alex squeeze him.

  “Me too.”

  He squeezed him back.

[hanniiesuckle17]

The Comment Section

A/n: as a technically plus size girl myself i really liked writing this! feel free to request again after I finish the rest of the ones I have now! (sry this is not thoroughly edited)

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: cussing, mentions of hate

Requested by: anonymous 

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @mini-meanhoe​ @poeticallyspaghetti​ @hanstagrams​ @yangomangos​ @hoes4hoseok​ @desertfordessert​

Summary: Being on the larger side had never stopped you from anything before. You were confident in your curves and loved how you looked. It was one of the reasons that Han Jisung fell head over heels in love with you. Who would have thought a few silly little pictures would turn your world upside down.

Genre: fluff, little angst, romance

✯

Meeting Jisung was a complete accident. A complete accident that changed my life forever. I was a lost foreign exchange student desperate to find her way back to her dorm in the hot summer streets of Seoul. By pure chance, I had bumped into him on the street. I had no idea who he was at the time and he seemed to find that fascinating. 

We ended up walking together until the sun set and the store signs lit up casting neon glows on our faces. Soon we both got lost wandering through the streets talking about everything and nothing in my broken korean and his adorable english. 

Jisung bought me dinner and then we finally found my dorms. He left me with the promise to take me out and get lost again. And that was the start of our relationship. About our fifth date, Jisung told me about his job and who he was. He was utterly shocked that I didn’t freak out about his celebrity status. He always said that what I told him after was when he began falling in love with me. 

“Whether you sing in front of thousands of people, pick up garbage on the side of the road, or teach pre-schoolers not to pick their noses, I would rather be with you than any other place or with any other person on the planet.” 

Now a year and a half later, we were dating and living together in an apartment near the company. Jisung was quite upset that he had to keep our relationship a secret. The company after many attempts at breaking us up gave in and let him continue our relationship despite his dating ban, but only if he kept quiet about it and nothing got leaked to the press. 

This meant we rarely got to go out unless both of us wore masks and hats and for five months out of the year, I was sitting at home waiting for Jisung to come back from tour trying to pretend like I didn’t have a boyfriend to begin with. But, it was all worth it. Jisung was worth it. 

“Yes, dad. I promise I’m eating well.” I said looking at my father through a computer screen. My ears picked up on Jisung moving behind me to open the fridge and I knew what was about to happen next. 

“Jisung!” My father called. Hearing his name he turned and leaned over me to look at my father. “Jisung, how are you?” My dad smiled and turned to focus on my boyfriend. 

Jisung laughed seeing me drop my head in my hands. He leaned against the counter, a bright smile on his face. “I’m fine, Mr. L/n.” 

“How many times have I told you? Just D/n is fine. Now, is she eating well? I know she has exams. You have to make sure my daughter is eating!” Jisung’s arm wrapped around my stomach, pulling me to his side. 

“Of course! We are going out to eat soon actually.” He said cheerfully, pushing the hair away from my face. 

I jumped at the opportunity Jisung secretly handed me. “Yes, Dad! So, we have to go! I love you, talk to you later, bye!” Jisung waved before I slammed my laptop closed, effectively hanging up on my father. “Can we really go out to eat?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist. He smiled taking my face in his hands, squishing my cheeks. 

“Of course. I’m starving.” Placing a kiss on my forehead he exited the kitchen. While he was doing whatever he was doing, I ran to our bedroom and changed out of the pajamas I had worn all day. 

Grabbing some shorts and one of Jisung’s shirts I started tying my shoes. How any of his clothes fit me at all was a mystery to me. Jisung was a twig compared to me. Granted he was a very muscular twig. But a twig none the less.

Jisung smiled seeing me in the baggy white fabric that covered my shorts entirely. He leaned against the doorway, dark hair falling in front of his doe eyes. He didn’t bother changing out of his gray sweatpants and tank top. “I never get tired of seeing you in my clothes.” 

“I never get tired of wearing them.” He smirked, watching me get up from the bed and walk over to him. I let my hands travel up his chest as he looked down at me. “Are we taking the car or the subway?” I whispered, leaning up and kissing his lips. A cheeky smile slip onto his face as his hands grabbed onto my ass. 

“I heard it’ll rain soon. Subway?” I nodded and kissed him again, fingers threading through his hair. “Ready to go, baby?” With another nod, we left our apartment, masks on and hats covering our faces. Instinctively, I pulled the white cap on Jisung’s head lower to cover his handsome features. He did the same with the black bucket hat (which was probably his) that I wore. 

Just as Jisung said, a light sprinkled down on us as we walked to the nearest subway station. Unfortunately, the train was crowded, leaving no seats for me and Jisung. We got a few weird looks, most likely because of the excessive face covering. 

We shared low whispers about where to eat and bickered about what stop to get off at. I turned out to right and dragged him off with train, just before the doors closed. Laughing, we ran through the rain to get to our favorite sushi place. 

The woman who owned the restaurant greeted us happily when we entered, ushering us to a secluded back table. Jisung didn’t even look at the menu before ordering enough food to fill every inch of the table. 

“How is the new album coming?” I said picking up a piece of fish. He nodded cheeks half full of food. I smiled seeing his little habit resurface itself.

“Good. I sent a song off to Chan this afternoon. He and I will work on composition tomorrow.” His long fingers maneuvered the chopsticks to place another roll onto my plate. I tried to put it back but he shook his head, adding another one as well. “How are your classes?” 

“Stressful, but manageable. You know the girl next to me in my Maths class is a STAY. She has Seungmin’s photocard in her phone case.” Jisung smiled eating another piece of sushi. “Her phone rang in class the other day. Guess what her ringtone was?” 

He hummed and looked up at me expectantly. “What?” He said covering his mouth, silver rings glinting in the low warm light. 

“Close.” Jisung’s eyes lit up as he started laughing. 

“I almost got in so much trouble when I released that song.” He said dipping a roll in soy sauce. “STAY almost figured out about us.” 

“Well, you did all but put my name in the song,” I said with a laugh. Somehow we had managed to eat all the food on the table. “Did you really feel that way when we met?” I asked him, my elbow resting on the table. 

A waitress came and cleared our table. Jisung stared at me, a soft look in his eyes. “Of course. You were the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid eyes on.”

“You are just saying that because you thought I had a great ass.”

“It is a great ass.” He said eyeing me up and down, a sly smirk on his face. “We should get going. It’s already raining cats and dogs.” Jisung paid for our meal and shoved his black hat back on my head with a smile, draping his arm over my shoulder as we walked out. He was correct. The rain was pelting down on the streets like bullets. “You ever been kissed in the rain?” He asked out of nowhere.

That mischievous smile glowed on Jisung’s face. “No, why?” 

Without another word, Jisung pulled me out into the rain, soaking us both. His brown hair turned dark and stuck to his forehead as he pulled down my mask. My eyes glanced around the nearly empty street, before staring back into Jisung’s bright eyes. His long fingers lifted up my chin before resting on my cheek. The cool rain dropped around us, but I felt warm in his arms. 

His lips dragged over mine, butterflies thundering in my stomach along with the rumble in the sky. My chest pressed against his, the wet fabric rubbing together. His teeth cheekily dragged over my bottom lip as I pulled away. 

“Get out of the street!” Someone yelled honking their horn. Jisung and I turned to see a car’s headlights shining through the rain. We laughed and moved back under the awning. “Crazy kids!” The man yelled as he drove passed us. 

I kissed Jisung again, tangling my fingers in his wet hair. “I love you,” Jisung whispered, pulling away. “All of you,” His hands ghosted over the curve of my hips. “Do you love all of me?” 

“More than anything, Jisung.” 

The cool rain sent a breeze under the cover. He pulled me closer to him kissing the top of my head. “Home?” He muttered looking around the wet street. 

“Home.” 

I pulled the dark fabric over his face, leaving nothing but his round lively eyes for me to see. His warm hand enveloped mine before we ran through the rain. Our feet splashed through puddles as each step brought us closer to the train that would carry us back to our little apartment.

✯

Bright light streamed through the bedroom window. An arm was wrapped tightly around my stomach. I smiled and shifted under the blanket so I could look at the handsome face of the man next to me. My eyes glanced at the clock before reaching over and stroking his hair. 

“Jisung?” 

He hummed, nestling into the pillow. I smiled feeling him reach for my hand and bring it to his lips. Drowsy kisses from his plump tired lips trailed over my skin. “You saying my name in the morning is so sexy.” My laugh filled the bedroom. His raspy voice never failed to send shivers down my spine.

“You think anything I say is sexy.” Jisung’s eyes slowly opened and his hands moved to rub his face, the muscles in his arms flexing ever so slightly. My fingers traced patterns over his bare chest, the skin radiating a welcoming warmth under my touch. 

“No way. Prove it.” He said with a goofy smile. 

Chuckling, I kissed his cheek. I thought about what to say. Leaning down, my breath fanned across his cheek. “I have to go shopping because we have no ramen left in the kitchen.” My words floated into his ear and I could see his cheeks redden at my tone. 

Jisung groaned, pulling me fully on top of him. “Yeah, you were right. Anything you say is sexy.” He laid still for a moment, his hands rubbing up and down my back. “Do you need money for groceries?” He hummed. Shaking my head, I sat up, legs falling on either side of his waist. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes, Ji. You don’t have to pay for everything, you know.” He laid back with a smile on his face, hands behind his head. Jisung stared up at me keeping that sleepy bright grin on his face. “You should get up. You’ll be late before you know it.” 

A sigh heaved from his chest as he watched me leave the bed. It was evident his eyes were trained on me as I sorted through our shared closet. “You’re right.” The rustling of sheets told me he was shuffling out of bed and most likely towards the bathroom to shower.

Soon I was walking Jisung to the cab he had called down in front of our building. The fabric of my leggings brushed together as I rushed forward pulling him back for one more kiss before he entered the taxi. “Don’t forget, we have a date with pizza and a drama tonight,” I whispered against his lips. 

His long fingers gripped my waist, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. His warm touch slipped into the waistband leaving something paperlike between the tight fabric and my skin. “For the groceries.” Jisung pecked my lips before getting into the cab. “Love you!” He called, rolling down the window. 

Waving back, I watched the car pull away from the curb and drive my boyfriend to his company. Curious, I reached for the money he slipped me. Had I worn a hoodie and not a crop top, he wouldn’t have been able to do so easily. It was a habit he had of spoiling me and paying for things despite my protests. “Good grief, Ji,” I muttered to the near empty street. 

My feet carried me to a nearby supermarket. I walked the aisles tossing anything we needed into the cart I picked up at the entrance. My hands lingered on a bag of chips, debating whether I actually needed the study snack. Jisung never cared how much weight I put on or how much I lost. I was confident in how I looked, so I wanted chips. I would get chips. Smiling I tossed them in the basket before moving to the next aisle to pick up a few bottles of wine and soju. I never knew when Chan and Changbin would pop by for a ‘lyric session’ and need ‘inspiration’ 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two girls whispering and looking my way. More than a year with Jisung had taught me to have an observant eye in public places whether he was with me or not. They stopped their talk when I turned to look at them. After placing the bottle in my cart I waved to them with a kind smile before going on my way. 

Jisung returned later than usual. But, then again. There was no usual for when he came home. He passed out on the couch while I ordered us a pizza. While I waited, I lazily scrolled through twitter until something caught my eye. 

“Rapper Han Jisung Spotted With Supposed Secret Girlfriend” 

My eyes skimmed the article searching for any proof. My heart sunk finding what I sought. Several pictures of Jisung and me from the day before were shown below. Our faces were seen as clear as day despite the rain. We should have been more careful. I sighed, head in my hands. Curious, I scrolled to see what his fans were saying.

“I can’t believe this”

“So he really was seeing someone?”

“She’s so fat! She doesn’t deserve him”

“My friend and I saw her at the supermarket. She had like eight bottles of soju in her cart. Alcoholism puts on wait you know.”

“She’s a drunk and fat. I can’t believe she’s dating our Han.” 

“She looks like a cow. Seriously I understand why he hid her from us.” 

“Guys, stop. If he is happy then leave him alone.”

“He looks disgusted in those photos”

“Does she not care about herself? She’s dating one of the greatest rappers in the industry and she looks like a heavy slob.”

I tossed my phone onto the kitchen counter, not wanting to look a the comments anymore. My shoulders felt heavier than usual. Shower. A hot shower always made me feel better. Abandoning my device, which was blowing up with notifications, on the counter I marched to the bathroom and turned on the water letting steam fill the room. 

The scalding water pelted against my bare skin as I stood under the showerhead. After my skin turned red, I stepped out of the shower, wiping steam away from the mirror. 

My eyes raked over the body I once thought beautiful. How could my mind change so quickly? The curves I used to love now seemed ghastly and unflattering. The rolls on my stomach seemed more prominent as I looked over my bare body. My fingers traced over the waved marks on my thighs and pelvis, wondering how I never noticed them before today. 

“Y/n, baby?” A knock sounded at the door but did not wait for an answer to open. Instinctively, my hands slammed it shut shocking the man on the other side. “Woah- Babe, what’s wrong? Are you okay? It’s nothing I haven’t seen many many many times before.” The smirk in his voice was evident, but I still felt exposed, despite the towel I moved to wrap around myself. 

“Just go away. I’ll be out in a sec. There is beer and soju in the fridge. Go get one; the pizza will be here soon.” 

I waited until I heard Jisung walk away before turning the knob and sneaking into our bedroom. My fingers grasped at the first baggy shirt I could find, but looking in the mirror it hugged in places that should not be hugged and made my body look lumpy and fat. Throwing on some leggings and one of Jisung’s fluffy jackets I decided this was enough coverage suitable to walk around in.

Jisung’s eyes widened when I entered the living room. “Wow. You planning an expedition to Antarctica?” 

“I’m just cold, Jisung.” He watched with wary eyes as I pull the jacket further around my body. The doorbell rang turning both our heads. “I’ll get it.” Jisung nodded and picked up the remote, turning on the TV. 

Opening the door I expected to see a pizza delivery man waiting for his tip, but instead, the hallway was empty. Before I closed the door, my gaze landed on something on the welcome mat. 

A bouquet of wilted, dried, dead flowers. A ribbon darker than black was wrapped around the fragile stems. With shaking hands, I picked up the flowers. Petals and leaves fell to the ground. A note was tucked between the graying stems. 

Fat Bitch.

Subconsciously, I pulled the jacket around my body, covering as much as possible. “Y/n? Everything okay? They didn’t forget my garlic knots, right? They forgot last time.” Jisung’s voice called out. My eyes still stared down at the bouquet in my hands. “Baby?”

I felt cold. It felt like I wasn’t in my own body; like my soul had left this world leaving me a shell standing with no will of its own. 

“What the fuck is this?”

Shaking myself out of the trance, I looked to see Jisung standing beside me anger flooding every inch of him. Not waiting for an explanation he took the bouquet from my hands, more petals falling to the floor. The note seemed to make him even angrier. 

“Fuck,”

I closed the door and watched him throw the flowers onto the counter, sending dead leaves flying across the kitchen floor. He turned to me, fury in his eyes. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something. “We both knew this was going to happen sooner or later.” His jaw dropped, not believing my words. 

“You aren’t furious? You aren’t pissed off? Why are you not bothered by this?” 

“Jisung, I can’t be bothered by something I already know is true!” 

He stared at the flowers littering the counter. “You can’t possibly think that...can you?” Jisung sighed watching me shrug and fiddle with the sleeves of his jacket. “Y/n...this is not you. What happened to the girl who surprised me in my studio wearing nothing but a trench coat and lingerie just because I said I missed your smile?” My gaze fell to the floor, fixated on one of the leaves. “Where’s the girl who went skinny dipping with me on the night of our anniversary in Jeju?” 

“I don’t know, Jisung!” He was shocked hearing me yell. “They are right! Okay! I am a fat cow with no reason to be dating you. I’m not sexy and skinny and I don’t have the body of a model. You know who does? The girl you should be dating! Maybe I just don’t like myself anymore!” 

“The Y/n I know and love didn’t care how much she weighed.” 

“Well...maybe I’m not your Y/n anymore.”

“That I don’t believe.” Jisung took my face in his hands, staring into my eyes. “I know about the photos. I know about the comments. They are all false, okay? None of them are true and you know it.” His thumbs brushed over my cheeks, voice full of desperation and sadness. 

“Jisung, I’m not beautiful. I don’t feel beautiful anymore. I don’t see how you can love someone who can’t even see themselves as pretty.” 

He sighed, leaning down and capturing my lips in a breathtaking kiss. I could feel all his emotions, everything he wanted to say as his lips moved against mine. Jisung pulled away, his eyes looking lovingly into my own. “I don’t love you because you are beautiful,” He whispered, pushing a strand of wet hair behind my ear. “You are beautiful because I love you. All of you.”

“Even the stretch marks?” 

“The stretch marks. The curves. All of you.” 

Sighing, I rested my head against his chest. “Why did I even think that?” Jisung let out a shaky breath stroking my still damp hair. “Shit, I was so stupid to believe those comments for even a second.” 

“I can’t blame you. I’ve done the same.” 

Pulling away, my hands cupped his cheeks before moving to wrap around his neck. “I love you,”

“I love you more.” Jisung kissed my forehead, dark hair falling in front of his eyes. A thought came to mind that made me giggle. “What?” He asked with a smile, leading me back over to the couch. 

“How did you even remember that studio thing? That was like...in the first month we were dating!” 

He laughed, pulling me into his chest and falling back onto the sofa. “Are you kidding? That may have been the single greatest day of my entire life.”

“You are just a pervert.” Again the doorbell rang, causing both of our heads to peek over the top of the couch cushions. “Can you get it?” Jisung nodded and got out from under me. A few moments later he came back with two pizzas and his beloved garlic knots. “They didn’t forget?” 

“Nope!” He said happily flipping open the boxes. “Here.” He pulled one away and fed it to me, the fluffy breading melting in my mouth. 

“You know what I think?” 

“What?” He asked already somehow halfway through the box of garlic knots.

“I think I can eat this entire pizza faster than you.” 

He closed the garlic knot box, a wry grin on his face. “Oh, you are so on, babe.” He planted his feet firmly on the floor and turned to his pizza box. “Ready? Three....two....-” Before he finished counting down I grabbed a slice and stuffed it in my mouth. “Y/n that’s cheating!” Between bites, I laughed as I watched him try and catch up from my early start. 

“Come on, twig boy! Catch up.” He laughed and shoved another slice into his mouth filling his cheeks.

✯

Requests are Temporarily Closed! Sorrrrrryyyy

Masterlist

[gaemkyuu]

The Present

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault/rape, but not overtly descriptive.  A/N: As much as I like writing fluffy pieces or glimpses in time, I really wanted this series to have some sort of progression. A lot of the feelings and emotions that are in this piece was taken from personal experience or the experience of someone close to me. In no way do I claim that all experiences are similar to the one disclosed in this piece of fictional writing. Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece on Charlie Gillespie. In no way do I claim or declare that Charlie’s portrayal is accurate to real life. I do however, own Teagan Valencia :)

Masterlist  *now taking requests ;)

The Teagan Valencia Series: The Meeting  / The Fight / The Proposal / The Present / The Recovery / The Future

***Please note that sensitive topics are addressed in the writing and may cause discomfort or trigger readers. If subjects such as non-consensual sexual engagement, rape or sexual assault cause discomfort, please refrain from reading the story.

The Present

“Cut! That’s a wrap on this scene, great job everyone! Let’s break for lunch” Kenny announced to the crew. He smiled at Teagan releasing a big sigh. As awesome as this all was, it could still be tiring!

“You’re doing a great job Kenny. Seriously, I can’t wait for the second season” Teagan gave Kenny a hug from behind his chair.

“I should be giving you a giant hug Teagan!” Kenny stood up from his directing chair, moving his way to Tegan. “Congratulations on your engagement!” He gave her a big bear hug. “Now let me see the ring!” Teagan showed her his hand and he inspected the ring gleefully. Although they had gotten engaged two weeks ago, this was their first week filming and the first time Kenny saw her since the night of the party.

“I told you I had good taste Kenny” Charlie came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, perching his chin on my shoulders.

“Honey, you didn’t pick out the ring, you just picked it up” Teagan joked as Kenny released her hand. Turning to give Charlie a quick playful peck on the lips, Teagan saw the playful smirk kneeing he had a clever come back.

“I’m not talking about the ring, I’m talking about the person” he smirked kissing her back playfully. “Are you joining us for lunch?” His eyes hopeful.

“Well since you can’t leave the set for a birthday lunch, I guess so” she dramatically sighed acting like she was disappointed.

“Hey! I’m taking you out for dinner! Remember? Birthday dinner?” Teagan’s dramatic façade broke and Charlie realized he fell for it. “Sometimes I wonder why you're not the one in front of the camera”.

Charlie kissed her on the cheek and led her to lunch with the rest of the cast. As usual Maddy already had the designated brownie plate that both of them shared from and Savannah was able to join them as she finished in hair and make up. Everyone had a fun time chatting and hanging out at lunch but they had to continue filming. Charlie, Owen and Jeremy had to go get touched up and a new wardrobe on, but he left Teagan in the company of Booboo and Savannah, as Maddy went to go take a nap. 

“Hey Savannah, we are going to need you and Maddi on set soon” the three of them jumped at the sudden interruption from the new Production Assistant. His eyes piercing and intense staring at Teagan. “I’m James the new Production Assistant and you are?”

“I’m Charlie’s fiancé, I’m just visiting him on set today.” Teagan smiled back politely despite feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. She came to understand that this was the new PA that kept coming up in their group chat. It was no secret that a majority of the cast who had interacted with him felt slightly uneasy. Owen had been changing in the wardrobe trailer when he “popped out of nowhere and scared the living shit” out of Owen. Jeremy had been sneaking onto the set to take a nap in Julie’s infamous bed when he found James lurking around in the dim lighting. There were a few other stories that Teagan remembered, but she waved it off as James being misunderstood as he was new to the cast.

“Oh yeah! Sure! I’ll go get Maddi” Savannah stood up quickly getting ready to film.  

“Well ladies, it was a fun lunch, but I’m done on set and need to head over to a photo shoot” Booboo smiled collecting their lunch mess and glancing at his watch. “Which starts in an hour, shit. I better get going. Happy Birthday again Teagan, I wish I could be there tonight!”

“Don’t worry about it Booboo, let’s take a raincheck” Booboo gave her a big hug and waved them goodbye. “Hey I’ll come with you since I’m going to hang out in Charlie’s trailer” she stopped Savannah getting out of her chair too. “As much as I love watching him act, I know he has the Switch in his trailer and I want to play Mario Kart”

Savannah giggled at her friend and the two of them noticed James still standing there. “I’ll go grab Maddi if you want to let Kenny know we are on our way” Savannah smiled at the PA, who simply gave a curt nod, never taking his eyes off of Teagan. The two girls waited until he was no longer in their line of sight before moving towards the trailers. “Between you and me, I heard he’s being let go at the end of the week”

“What? Why?” Savannah looked incredulously at Teagan, shocked at her response. “Okay, I know he’s kinda weird and freaking people out, but what if it’s because he’s new?“

“He was hired last minute because of some pregnancy complications our actual PA Sarah had. She was cleared by the doctor to come and work yesterday, but she won’t be able to be here until the end of the week. We told Kenny we would much rather have her here and not James” Savannah shuddered as she said his name. Teagan didn’t know that he made everyone feel this uncomfortable.

“Who hired him?” She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because someone had thought he was a good fit. There must have been some sort of misunderstanding!“

“Netflix kinda threw him in since it was so last minute! He’s from Vancouver, so it made things easier” Savannah shrugged stopping in front of Charlie’s trailer. “Now go relax birthday queen, we’ll come get you in a few hours when we’ve wrapped and we can get ready at my apartment!”. 

Teagan smiled and hugged her friend, entering the trailer shortly after. She was greeted with the familiar scent of pine and cologne, just like Charlie. His trailer was neat, save for the sweater or shirt tossed here or there, and his acoustic guitar propped up against the couch. She opened his fridge pleased to find it stocked with water bottles, knowing well that Charlie mostly drank from his blue hydro flask to reduce the amount of plastic in the environment. After grabbing a bottle, she headed to the couch of the trailer where she plopped down and grabbed his Nintendo switch. She played a couple rounds of Mario Kart, drinking water when she felt a sudden sleepiness descend her. Putting the switch away, she took off her shoes and clothes opting to wear Charlie’s orange hoodie and black sweats for her nap. Glancing at the clock, she realized she had about two hours before they would start wrapping up for the day and thought a little cat nap wouldn’t do any harm. Plus, Savannah knew where she would be in case she didn’t pick up her phone. With that Teagan drifted off to sleep on the couch.

Teagan didn’t expect to wake up on the floor of the trailer with both arms restrained to the leg of the desk. Confused for a moment, she found herself restrained like a hostage in a movie, her hands tied with heavy and thick rope and a cloth restraining her mouth. Looking around, she recognized she was still in Charlie’s trailer and thought this was a cruel joke that her friends were playing on her. To her horror, she realized it wasn’t a prank when she saw James shutting the blinds and locking the trailer. She took a deep breath to scream, but quickly stopped when James noticed that she was awake, unsheathing his pocket knife.

“You're so pretty” he whispered, drawing close so that he was inches away from her face. She watched tensely as his eyes scanned her face with this crazy look in his eyes. “If you scream I will hurt you” he whispered as he untied the cloth muffling her mouth. Teagan was too afraid to say anything as James started to laugh. “You did it James, you got a pretty one” he smacked his head twice dropping the knife by Teagan’s foot. As he paced the trailer muttering to himself, she tried to inch the knife slowly to her with her foot, but this caught her captor’s attention. “Oh no you don’t!” he lunged for the knife as Teagan tried to kick him away, her leg getting nicked in the scuffle.

“Help!” she cried, but was quickly muffled by one hand on her mouth, the other holding the knife pressed up against her throat.

“I told you not to scream!” he yelled at her. Teagan began to cry in fear as she realized the man was mentally unstable and out of control. “Now I don’t trust you!” he gagged her with the cloth that was previously muffling her pulling at her hair in the process. Teagan tensed as he pressed the knife back to her throat. “I’m serious. I will cut you if you scream” he threatened holding her jaw with his free hand, forcing her to look at him. As more tears began to fall from her eyes, he cooed and shushed her hoping that she would stop. “Stop being sad. You aren’t pretty when you’re sad. I can make you happy. Let’s do that!” she trembled as his face lit up as though he had come up with a brilliant idea. He suddenly stood up and smacked his head again, muttering to himself incoherently. Teagan had no idea what to do. If she made a ruckus someone might be able to hear her, but the man in front of her might act on his words. She winced as he bumped the leg that he nicked.

“Did I hurt you? Oh no... Dammit you’ve damaged the merchandise James... You made her ugly! No. no. I can fix it. I can fix it” Teagan watched as he cursed at himself, dropping down to her side, yanking off Charlie’s sweats. The cut wasn’t deep by any means, but it was there and about two inches in length. However, it left Teagan pant less on the floor of the trailer with James staring at her half naked form, hands shaking as he drew nearer to her. Teagan knew what was to come as she struggled against her restraints and he pinned her legs down, approaching parts of her body she only let Charlie touch or see. Tears started to flow freely from her eyes as she protested through her gag, shaking her head no and trying to yell for help. James didn’t care anymore that Teagan had become vocal again, as he was too focused on indulging his own fantasies. Teagan cried out desperately and squeezed her eyes shut, wishing for this whole thing to go away. A banging on the door interrupted both of their thoughts as they froze. James terrified that he had been caught and Teagan hopeful that someone had come to end this. 

“Teags! It’s Owen, open up! You alright in there?” 

Teagan realized this was her only chance to end this and she screamed the loudest Help she could despite being gagged. She was sure Owen wouldn’t be able to make out what she was saying, but the fact that it was a scream would have alerted him to something important. The banging on the door became steady and stronger as if he was trying to break the door down. They could hear him screaming for help and speaking to someone over the phone. Quickly a commotion began to gather outside the trailer and James paled.

“This is all your fault! You stupid bitch! I told you to be quiet” he slapped her hard across the face, a burning sensation residing in her cheek. “You were supposed to be quiet!” he slapped her again on the opposite cheek, but this caused the back of her head to hit the leg of the desk that restrained her hands. A ringing in Teagan’s ears overcame all of her senses and she couldn’t focus on anything else. She felt him roughly cut her restraints and drag her to a standing position, but she couldn’t stand. She felt dizzy and nauseous at the sudden motion as the ringing in her ears started to subside. James held the knife against her throat, his back to the wall waiting for people to break into the trailer.

With a final bang, security was able to bust the door open, two of them filing into the tiny trailer, Owen standing behind them. There was Teagan, a knife being held to her throat, a swollen cheek, her underwear discarded on the floor and the orange hoodie preserving whatever parts of her body that it could. She felt the knife press into her neck as James and the security officers yelled back and forth at one another. She could feel a sharp stinging sensation and warm liquid languidly make its way down her neck. The yelling intensified and so did the pain. Teagan could barely hear Owen’s attempts to comfort her and assure her over the noise. She couldn’t understand what was happening, but James’ body tensed and convulsed, pushing the knife slightly deeper into her for a moment and then collapsing to the floor. In a rush of motion and bodies, the two security officers rushed to James’ shocked body on the floor and Owen rushed to Teagan, quickly untying the pink hoodie that was a part of his costume to help cover her up.

“Teagan! Teagan look at me, are you alright?” Owen’s voice snapped her back to reality as his soft anxious blue eyes searched hers.

“...Owen?” his name came out as a tremble followed by a fresh stream of tears as she lunged into his chest. He caught her and held on to her just as tight as she held onto him. Owen’s heart broke as she held onto him for dear life. He picked her up, never letting her go and moving her out of the trailer as the security guards handled the rest. As Owen exited, the small crowd of castmates and crew that had gathered in the alley gasped at the sight of Owen and Teagan. Savannah rushed over to throw her jacket over her legs to help Owen’s pink hoodie, giving her soft rubs on her back as she sobbed into Owen’s chest.

“Teagan?! Teagan! Oh my god, what the fuck happened?!” Teagan’s face came out of hiding as she heard Charlie’s voice. Their eyes met as Charlie sprinted over to her, pushing people out of the way. Owen quickly handed Teagan to Charlie, both of them crying and Kenny arriving at the scene with Maddi. Sadness befell their faces at the scene, but Kenny quickly took charge and started dispersing the crowds, giving orders to others to help remedy the situation. Teagan sobbed uncontrollably in Charlie’s arms and he offered as much comfort and solace as he could. The paramedics soon arrived and Charlie had no choice but to hand her over to them, but he followed the paramedics to their van with Owen and Savannah in tow.

Along the way, Owen had explained how he had come to find her. It turns out that Owen wasn’t needed for the final shots of the day, so he went to find Teagan before changing. Savannah had mentioned that Teagan had gone to hangout in Charlie’s trailer, so naturally Owen made his way over. He didn’t expect the muffled sounds of desperate screams and cries to intensify as he neared Charlie’s trailer. He knew something was wrong, but the door was locked, and after confirming that she weren’t doing something else, he began to yell for help and try to break the door down. As one team of paramedics checked on Teagan, Kenny asked the other team to check on Owen as he used physical force to break the door down with the security team. Therefore, he wanted to make sure Owen didn’t hurt himself in the adrenaline of it all. The entire time Teagan sat on the stretcher and gurney, covered with a blanket, Charlie held onto her hand tightly. Her tears subsided but everyone could tell she was still shaken. The rest of the cast members who were still on set were escorted to their vehicles and told to return home for the day. Filming had to come to a halt until they were cleared to run again. 

“Mrs. Valencia, I’m going to need you to confirm some details of your assault so we can properly attend to you” the female police officer spoke to Teagan with an apologetic looking female paramedic at her side. “Sir, we are going to have to ask you to let us speak to her privately” 

Charlie kissed her forehead and went to let go of her hand, which Teagan protested.

“No please. He can stay. Please, I need him” her voice initially came out strong and desperate, but fell to a quiet whisper as she finished speaking. The police officer made eye contact with one another and then with Charlie, who returned closer to her side.

“Very well. Mrs. Valencia, did your assailant force any penetration on you?” the police officer got right to the point, staring deeply into Teagan’s eyes. Charlie tensed, preparing himself to hear the answer he didn’t want to hear. Teagan hesitantly shook her head no. “Did he force himself upon you that can be considered sexual assault” she bowed her head, ashamed of what she was admitting, and softly nodded. “I’m sorry Mrs. Valencia, I’m going to need you to tell me a little more than that” the police officer looked at her apologetically, knowing fully that this was a difficult conversation to have. “We need to have a verbal confirmation.”

“It was just his fingers. No kissing or anything more” Teagan whispered, her eyes filling with tears once more. The police officer thanked her and nodded to the paramedic who finished cleaning her cuts and bandaging them up. Charlie held her hand the entire time, rubbing soft circles on her back. After the paramedic was done, she gave the two of them a moment alone.

“I’m so sorry Charlie” Teagan whimpered, crying all over again. She bowed her head in shame and embarrassment, feeling hopeless and defeated.

“Teagan, look at me” and when she refused to lift her head, he placed a finger under her chin to lift it. Teagan looked at his eyes full of determination, anger and conviction. “Don’t you ever apologize for what happened to you.” his voice was stern, unwavering despite the emotions he felt inside. “None of this is your fault. Don’t think for a second that you are responsible in some way shape or form.” His eyes bore an intensity that Teagan only saw when something upset him, in which she couldn’t blame him.

“Do you still love me?” she tried to be strong as she spoke, but her tears got the best of her. Charlie’s eyes suddenly became soft, concerned and worried. She couldn’t bear to look at him as she felt that he may have been disappointed in her.

“Of course I do Teags. Nothing could ever change that.” her tears softly fell down her face as Charlie pulled her in for a tight hug, peppering her with kisses. “I’m so sorry Teags, you must have been so scared” he rubbed her back hoping to provide more comfort and assurance. “I’ll love you no matter what. This doesn’t change anything, Mrs. Gillespie” the last part of his comment made her chuckle through her tears and pull away to look at him. “I can’t promise you and say things are going to be the same from here on out, but I can promise you that I’m not leaving you. Ever.” He had hoped that his eyes conveyed his commitment to her and she confirmed this with a gentle kiss on his lips. Charlie was careful to kiss her back knowing that she was still in pain from the assault.

This was a hurdle that they were going to face together. Teagan knew deep down that this event had caused serious damage and she couldn’t quite come to terms with what happened. However, she knew that Charlie was going to be with her and oddly enough, that was all she needed right now.