#my bus home from school came every 20-30 minutes depending on the time of day

[doomdoomofdoom]

Goes doubly if your bus stops aren't accommodating. Waiting 15 minutes on a bench, protected from weather? Acceptable. Waiting 15 minutes just standing in the pouring rain on a sidewalk? Fuck that.

I think your busses at bare minimum need to run every 15 minutes if you want to claim that public transit is a viable option in your city.

[indietravelerchick-blog]

Confessions of a past bachelorette

     I was the fish that could not get hooked. I was a serial dater, heartbreaker, bachelorette or whatever you want to call it. Was I a whore? Slut? Please, I have more class.  

 The story begins at age 18. I dated Duncan. He lived in the moment but couldn’t be serious or get his shit together to save his life. The first time he met my parents, he asked if he could do his laundry at their house. He lived in a shitty apartment in Old Louisville with his two cats. I remember his cats were panting all the time because the A/C was crap. One time, we visited this hippy couple in their thirties. They let their dog shit in the yard and they used the shit as fertilizer. Their garden was majestic. They had a tree with full grown green apples. They grew chili peppers and all types of vegetables. The couple said, “Yeah, we need help with our garden.” I jumped in to volunteer. Duncan just wanted the vegetables. He didn’t care about anything else. The next day he says, “Why did you do that? I’m pulling weeds and breaking a sweat like a Mexican.” He forgot all about it once the hippies cooked breakfast for us. Duncan would often go to the mall and take advantage of the free appetizers in the food court and pass it off as a meal.  Duncan was also the type that would go to his friends apartment with the pool and pass it off like he lived there. He would say, “They’ll never notice. Just say we live in apartment ABC.” Some would describe him as a freeloader. I describe him as a guy in his early 20′s on the struggle bus. Duncan was hilarious. There were good times but was this it for me? Nah.

     Next was Phi. My family adored him. Phi was the first person I dated outside of my race. He wouldn’t be the last. He was a Vietnamese immigrant. He came to this country at 15, became fluent in English and went to UofL for Speed School of Engineering. He treated me right and was a great guy but there was a problem. Phi was Catholic. My stubborn ass wasn’t. My mom knew I would never convert. We had arguments over religion. My family grieved him more then I did. Bye Phi. 

     Then there was James. James and I would often eat wings and beer with his parents and debate over politics. His dad was an Irish American trucker who used to be in the Marines. His mom was Japanese. They would have, I kid you not...10 drinks in one setting and gulp it down like it was nothing. They didn’t even act tipsy. There was no effect. I enjoyed my life with James. I thought...keyword, “thought” he was the one. I loved him. We went to church. We went to the gym. We had a routine. However, I had crippling social anxiety. He couldn’t handle it. He was my only social outlet. I depended on him for going out and having fun. That’s not a healthy relationship. That’s called, codependent. We had petty arguments and then he started talking to other women online. Guess you could say, shit hit the fan. Could he have at least found a woman who had a full set of teeth? Was he that desperate for a fuck? If you are a dad, James is the guy whose ass you’d want to kick. After everything calmed down, there was no bad blood. James admitted he wanted no commitment and I wanted more out of life then weekly wing and beer sessions.

Later on, I had a string of flings. Devlon. Derek. David. There seems to be a  pattern here...

     Cue in, Reese. The dynamic between Reese and I was similar to that of my grandparents. My grandmother had a short fuse, was dominant and my grandpa put up with it. Reese was extremely reserved, shy and inhibited. I clearly was not. I was impatient, impulsive with a fire in my belly. I enjoyed getting Reese out of his comfort zone. I liked taking him to new places. He never had pho. He’d never been to DC. I liked taking charge. I liked making the decisions but if he didn’t feel comfortable, I wasn’t understanding. I wasn’t accepting. I continued to grow and get out of my shell. I graduated college, got my own apartment and held a job. Reese wasn’t on the same page. What the fuck? When was he going to move out? Reese wanted to go to medical school. All I could think about was when he would get his shit together. I was a selfish bitch. I cussed at him when he didn’t deserve it out of frustration. I kicked him out of my apartment a million times. He was fiercely loyal just like my grandpa was loyal to my grandma no matter how many times she treated him like shit. I didn’t like who I was with him and I didn’t want to repeat that dynamic. Reese loved me unconditionally. I had conditions. If he could just improve on X, then I would be happy. He never felt good enough. He could never reach high enough. I didn’t understand why I wanted to pursue other people when I had a perfectly good guy? What the fuck was wrong with me? I was the asshole. We weren’t on the same wavelength. I wasn’t good for him and he wasn’t right for me.

After being completely frustrated and exhausted, I told myself, “Fuck this. I’m done.” I swore off dating. I was content with just having a good time. At a later time, an old friend invited me to Play. For those who are unfamiliar, Play is a trendy LGBT drag queen club. I thought, what the hell? I am free to do whatever I want. It’s a Saturday night. Let’s go. I’m enjoying my time at Play when my friend says her mom’s COPD was acting up so they had to leave early. I decide to order a drink for myself and go out on the deck. As I walk to the deck, I see out of the corner of my eye, this sophisticated, attractive man casually standing a few feet away away from me. He’s leaning on the deck, sipping on his beer, and we glance back and forth at each other. He looks like the type of guy you would see in a hallmark card OR movie, your pick. His skin was olive complexion, had thick curly black hair, and he had the most perfect muscle tone. He was confident. His style was classy yet modern. He had this essence and energy about him that was out of this world. He was sophisticated. His attitude was a mix of smooth Frank Sinatra while also tough, sarcastic Sylvester Stallone. Honestly, I could just eat him up. Unbeknownst to him, I’m having this inner battle of, “I told myself that I would be single. Dammit, look at him. I can’t go with out talking to him.” 5 minutes of overthinking pass by. “Okay. Who is going to make the first move?” After what feels like an eternity of stealing glances,  I take the leap of “fuck it” and go up to him. I think to myself, “What’s the worse that can happen? I make a total jackass of myself and never see him again. Let’s go for it.” I ask him if it’s his first time at Play and we hit it off like we’ve known each other our whole lives. 

What started off as light banter turns into talking for 5 hours. I didn’t make it home until 5:30 am. He fascinated me. I had to see him the next day, and the next. We spend each day craving more. As I get to know him, he tells me all the things that would have been deal-breakers for me in the past. He’s 50. He’s Catholic. He’s divorced. Yet I could give a single fuck. Family and friends were concerned. My mom reacted, “He’s 50!? What the fuck, Melissa?” and I remark, “Trust me. He sure don’t look it.” My friends thought, “What if he’s controlling you?” I snap back, “Do you not know me by now?” The people who were once able to dissuade me did not know what to do with me. Hell, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everyone thought I had lost my damn mind.

I was no longer in control like I was once. I could no longer walk away. I could no longer say, “Fuck it” or “Next.” He wasn’t an option but a necessity. He turned my world upside down and changed everything about my life. He made me realized what was missing. He lives in the moment. He has wit and spunk. He’s in an established career yet maintains the youth and energy of a young 20-something. He’s not jaded by life. He takes life by the horns literally...(he got chased by a bull in Spain). I don’t feel held back like I did in the past or make up excuses on why things should end because I know nothing can hold me back from him. If he was in the same exact circumstances, and it’s him, my mindset would be, I have to have him. Nothing can top him. 

A similar story happened to a young bachelor man who had a string of ex-girlfriends who could never catch his interest---who could never quite keep him. He was that bachelor. He was that person. He never thought he would want a woman living with him. Why would he want that if he could bring a different one home every night? He never thought he would bring a girl down to meet his mom. Are you nuts?! No one is worthy enough. He never thought he would get down on one knee again after the hell he went through. Why take the risk when he has a great life? He thought this way until we found each other and we’ve been together ever since.

Guess we’re hooked for life.

I love you mi amor.

[maplestreetsims]

get to know me tag!

so, i came to catfish you all with my updated simself, also i made her with alpha cc bc why not?

I saw @galaxsims did this and i thought it might be fun, so the point of this is to make a simself and answer some q’s so people get to know you better

I’m going to tag anyone who wants to do this, Just go crazy 

   - trash under cut -

1. What is your full name? Constanza

2. What is your nickname? most people call me coti, i had a few friends that called me constance tho

3. Birthday? July 1, 2000

4. What is your favorite book series? i dont read as much as i used to so i dont have one

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? aliens yes, ghosts...maybe? just for the spookines of it all tbh

6. Who is your favorite author? i dont read dont come for me

7. What is your favorite radio station? i never listen to the radio, mostly spotify

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? anything cheese flavored, or like pizza? idk im thinkin chips here

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? amazing, cool!

10. What is your current favorite song? literally queens entire discography??? like i saw bohemian rhapsody last week, i liked queen before but now im like on hyperdrive or something

11. What is your favorite word?  chaos

12. What was the last song you listened to? Somebody to love, by (you guessed it) queen

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? hmm... i dont know, skam, maybe freaks and geeks

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? pride (2014) always makes me feel happy when i watch it, i really like it

15. Do you play video games? yes

16. What is your biggest fear? Ending up alone, but not romantically, more of like no friends, or family

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? i dont know... i just try to be a good person?? like i put myself in others peoples shoes and treat them how i would like to be treated i guess, bc i know how its like being treated like shit and i wouldnt want that for anyone lol

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my socializing skills? or lack thereof 

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? i like them both the same

20. What is your favorite season? i dont like any season sjdjsdk

21. Are you in a relationship? nope

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? just.. happiness?? not only my own but like everyone in my family (yikes) also my innocence 

23. Who is your best friend? haha ha

24. What is your eye color? brown

25. What is your hair color? Dark brown 

26. Who is someone you love? no one honestly, maybe my pets?

27. Who is someone you trust? literally anyone who is nice to me, that’s bad

28. Who is someone you think about often? my friends, classmates

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? nothing currently

30. What is your biggest obsession? The sims, life is strange and detroit become human.....also queen?, weird combinations

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Art attack! also the cocodrile hunter??? that was my shit!!

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? I know i just said i trust everyone but like....i dont open up, like ever

33. Are you superstitious? No

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Elevators?? and cars...are those phobias?

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind

36. What is your favorite hobby? Editing, playin sims... u know

37. What was the last book you read? I cant remember fghjkljhg probably something for school

38. What was the last movie you watched? Bohemian rhapsody rip

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? i wish i could play any musical instrument, but i suck tbh

40. What is your favorite animal? cats and dogs™

41. What are your top 5 7 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?

@pollinationqueen​ @cosmic-espie​ @omiscanking @bloomlet @gunthermunch @cowberrys and @mellocakes ♥♥

42. What superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis??? um hell yeah why would anyone want anything else

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? this is weird but when im riding the bus home, listening to music

44. What makes you smile? my simblr, youtube videos...

45. What sports do you play, if any? i wish

46. What is your favorite drink? coca cola beech! 

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I dont even remember, but i had to write something like that around this year at least

48. Are you afraid of heights? yes

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? it used to be hearing people chew, but i think im over it

50. Have you ever been to a concert? no, never

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a vet

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? idk sis

54. What is something you worry about? my future, and my life

55. Are you scared of the dark? sometimes

56. Do you like to sing? yes, only when im alone

57. Have you ever skipped school? yeah, but i tried not to, it felt like i was missing out and that kinda made me feel like shit??

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? i dont think i have one, but more like a bunch of them? and only at specific times if that make sense, like the outside of that theater at nightime when i went to see a play with my friends a while ago

59. Where would you like to live? mmm maybe the usa? or anywhere where i could get to speak english all the time

60. Do you have any pets? a cat and a dog, Mercury and Candy!

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, def

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets, im never up for sunrises anyways, unless i stayed up all night

63. Do you know how to drive? no but i hope that i do at some point, although im scared of cars

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones

65. Have you ever had braces? nope, my teeth are as straight as me

66. What is your favorite genre of music? rock, indie...maybe pop rock?

67. Who is your hero? i dont have one

68. Do you read comic books? not really

69. What makes you the most angry? myself sometimes

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Real book all the way, when i do read that is

71. What was your favorite subject in school? cinematography class???? idk how it translates properly but that was my fave, although the teacher fucking ruined it for all of us tbh

72. Do you have any siblings? nope

73. What was the last thing you bought? a bus ticket

74. How tall are you? 4′9...yikes

75. Can you cook? not at all

76. What are three things that you love? this blog, my family and my pets

77. What are three things that you hate? hooo boy

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? i have 0 friends what does that mean? jk i actually would say its pretty equal 

79. What is your sexual orientation? yes

80. Where do you currently live? Uruguay, montevideo

81. Who was the last person you texted? my dad

82. When was the last time you cried? last week

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? jenna and julien, and probably every sims youtuber(seriously)

84. Do you like to take selfies? not so much

85. What is your favorite app? tumblr, or youtube

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? its alright

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? portugeese

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? mmm all of them

89. What is your favorite number? 7

90. Can you juggle? Nop

91. Are you religious? no

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? The ocean

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? hahah no

94. Are you allergic to anything? i used to be allergic to a bunch of shit when i was a kid but im not allergic to it anymore?? like chocolate, oranges....cats, and dust

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? Yes

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? always hopefully

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? i dont really ask for advice that often so...idk

100. Are you a good liar? No, but i try

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff

102. Do you talk to yourself? i used to talk to myself all the time, but now i barely do it, thats a good thing right?

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no, i used to when i was a kid but it was pure garbage

105. Do you believe in second chances? Depends

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? look for an id to see if i cant turn it in, if not....well

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Yes, but only in certain things

108. Are you ticklish? i dont even know, probably not

109. Have you ever been on a plane? no

110. Do you have any piercings? yeah, my ears

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? idk

112. Do you have any tattoos? No, but hopefully i will some day!

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? i dont know....

114. Do you believe in karma? yeah

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no

116. Do you want children? yeah why not

117. Who is the smartest person you know? honestly i don’t know

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? doing a cindirella theatre play for my school when i was 12, i was cindirella, i dont wanna talk about it njxkcfxf

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? not that i remember, i always end up falling asleep, dosent matter if its like 10 minutes 

120. What color are most of you clothes? green.........i dont even like green

121. Do you like adventures? yeah maybe, depends on what it is

122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah i have actually lmao, it was on a kids tv show 

123. How old are you? 18

124. What is your favorite quote? “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents” 

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory!!

[jc-travels-the-world]

Pre-Service Training (PST)

Ten weeks. Ten weeks studying Romanian. Ten weeks full of learning how to teach English in Moldova. Ten weeks living with a Moldovan family. Ten weeks getting to know my government-issued family. Ten weeks trying to figure out: what am I doing in Moldova?!

A general week during PST for me looked like the following:

·      Every day, regardless of what time I needed to be somewhere, I was awake sometime between 445a to 530a.  I would lay in bed, wander my house a bit, talk to family and friends that were awake back home, or other volunteers who also struggled to stay asleep at such an ungodly hour. Some days I was able to fall back asleep until 645a.

·      Monday to Wednesday, and Friday:

o   I would start to get ready for school at 7a. I would have a cup of ceai (tea) with mama around 710a. At 720a I would finish packing up my school bag. 730a Diamond and I would start our trek to school. I say trek, but we had the flattest and one of the shortest walks. But, often times a dog would follow us. He wasn’t a bad dog, we just weren’t the biggest fans. We would arrive to school at about 750a. This is when I would eat breakfast that mama packed for me, usually a filled croissant.

o   I had Romanian from 8a to 12p. We were split into two classes. Five in one and five in another. Halfway through PST one of our teachers had to leave and they sent a teacher from one of the HE villages. HE got three teachers for more intensive training, EE only got two, so it evened out.

o   From 12p to 130p I would have a lunch break. The other EE training village would take a rutiera to my village. I would eat my lunch waiting for the other village then I’d share my left overs with whoever didn’t get lunch that day or was still hungry. Once done with lunch, Alleyce, who came from the other village, and I would often go for a twenty minute or so walk. We knew that the next four hours were going to be long and we needed to make sure we had the energy to get through!

o   We would have technical training; training for when we go to site and teach. Tech sessions began at 130p and were supposed to end at 530p, but that did not always happen. There’s always more to learn. Topics varied greatly: from panels from current serving volunteers (M31s and M32, and one M30!), classes on multilevel classrooms, and how to teach grammar. I have many books, a notebook, and a large binder to review when needed!

·      Thursday: Hubsite Day, where all Trainees would be in the raion center for group training, usually medical and security related.

o   I would start to get ready for my day at 6a. Ceai, packing my school bag, getting money for the rutiera ready. At 630a, Diamond and I would walk to the bus stop. There were a few in town and the first half of the summer we all met at the one by the school then the second half we all took it wherever was closest to our house. Diamond and I would take it in centru since it was just past the bridge by our houses.

§  I will always remember the first day we took it alone. We got to the stop and 30 seconds later a rutiera showed up. We both got seats, there was good music playing, free wifi, and the driver was in a full out suit. So fancy, probably the first and last time I’ll see that!

o   We would arrive around 715-730a at Hubsite. We would all hang out and talk to the other volunteers that we hadn’t seen in a week. Sometimes I would hang out in the gazebo outside, I’d play uno or another card game, or hangout inside and just chat with people.

o   At 830a sessions would begin.

o   At around 5p it would be over. Once it was decided who was staying in the Raion centre and who was headed back to the village we would depart for the bus stop! Trying to catch a rutiera is a fun experience. The shortest time we waited was only maybe ten minutes, while the longest was about 90 minutes (I’m estimating because it was hot and we were all cranky, so I don’t actually know how long we waited).

·      Saturday:

o   Thankfully a short day! Morning began similar to M-W&F. Romanian class began at 8a. Then would end at 12p. After 12p we would have a weekly evaluation. First we were given a paper to self-evaluate on a scale of 1-5 with where we believe we were at on the listed topics; ranging from vocabulary, grammar, and pronunciation. Then we would go to whichever teacher we had that week and have a quick discussion and see what they score us as. We discussed where we feel we are at, how our stay in village is, and any concerns or questions we may have, whether it be about Peace Corps or Moldovan culture. Most of the time I would get sternly talked to about how I need to stop speaking English at home and speak only Romanian, but knowing me…if given a crutch, I will use it!

·      Average Afternoon and Evening:

o   It all depended on the day but most days after being in school I would head straight home. Always exhausted. I would hang out with my family. We would chat, eat dinner, and just live life. I enjoyed it a lot. This bonding is what made my life in PST wonderful.

o   Some days all of us Trainees from my village would go to the magazin for chips or ice cream (or often times both).

o   In the evenings Diamond and I would take walks together, Ana-Maria would join us. When she was not around, Danu joined us. Then sometimes Jorge would join us, or walk with one of us if the other wasn’t available. It was funny, I will discuss it later, but towards the end of our stay we were too exhausted and busy to walk. Even in the mornings during Practice School we would go separately because our schedules were so different. People would stop Diamond on her walk to ask why she was alone and where I was because we were always just out walking.

o   A couple of Saturday evenings Ana-Maria and I made ourselves a movie night. For Before the second one I took out my hot chocolate packets and we made microwave brownies with everyone at the house. It was fun!

·      Sunday

o   Now, these were supposed to be our rest day but I believe I really only had one, MAYBE two, Sundays where I actually rested. As always, I was awake before the sun. But, since I did not always HAVE to wake up for a few hours, I would force myself back to sleep.

o   Some of the most fun I had was on Sundays.

§  I went to raion center with my family and I bought a beautiful, fitted lemon dress and a long, heavy black skirt (each for 100 lei! Quite the steal!).

§  We went to Chisinau and walked A LOT. Diamond joined us and we went to Ethnographic museum, walked where there was a lot of photos for weddings. We walked along the water and found where the beach was. We ate lunch at “Fancy Annie’s”, as Jorge called it. (It’s actually called Andy’s Pizza, but it’s the fanciest one in town and someone called it Fancy Andy’s, but he misheard it. Haha)

§  One Sunday was spent at my future permanent site. I got the opportunity to meet my partner and host family. I will go into more detail about that in a later post.

§  I went to Chisinau with Alleyce and her Host Granddaughter and met up with her friend while there. We started at the PC office since I wanted to raid the loot me room. I ended up getting a shirt, a sweater (from Target), a pair of worn black jeans, and a skirt (also from Target). In the pants I found 20 lei, so my ride home was paid for! After, we went to a bunch of different restaurants and an art museum. That was one of the funniest evenings. We showed up for the last rutiera out of the capital to our village and there was a crowd of people waiting to get on. Among the crowd was another volunteer and trainee. Turns out this one was full and the last one was broken down. While waiting to figure out what to do another trainee shows up also needing to get home. There was no way out. The four of us, who I had been with all day, end up sprinting through Chisinau to try and get to another rutiera that passes by both of our villages. When we arrived, it was gone. So we hopped on another rutiera that at least gets us to the raion center. While waiting for it to leave, the other trainees and volunteer arrive. There weren’t enough seats so they had to stand. We get to the raion center, and thankfully, Alleyce’s host brother had a van and he came to get us! So all of us piled into the van and got home safely!

§  Another day, Sebastian came over from another village and we hung out with my fam. We were getting ready for the Language Proficiency Interview (LPI). I was so nervous. Because it was a week after Practice School ended I was not at my best, so having someone to practice with helped a bit!

§  Another Sunday was spent celebrating Katie’s birthday by a lake. It started with me doing my Letter of Commitment. Mama made a bunch of pizza, thinking that Beatrice would be home, Danu and his friend would be over. But that didn’t happen. So, it was just me and mama. Then, Katie and Angela were going to meet at Diamond’s place, but Nana Mila brought Diamond over to eat pineapple. The pineapple wasn’t ripe enough so Diamond ate some pizza. Since the others arrived at Diamond’s while we were eating pizza they came over and ate pizza, too. The kicker is, they all had already eaten lunch and I was still in my PJs….at 3p…… From there we walked to the lake. Hung out on a swing listening to music for an hour. Walked back. It was one of the most relaxing days.

 The joke within the family was that everyone, even from the other villages had to come to see the castle that I was staying in. Because Diamond and I’s house was in centru we were often a meeting spot for people. But for some reason the meeting spot was actually my house and everyone would end up staying for a meal (Pizza above, Hram, and Team Teaching Prep).

And this is pretty much it! That was an average week during PST. I digressed quite a bit, but that’s okay. It was an exhausting ten weeks that I will never forget. These ten weeks I spent getting to know my government issued family. It’s odd how fate brings us all together, and although I have only known them for ten weeks, we have grown so close that we know more about each other than I would have ever imagined being possible.

[anonymoonsthoughts]

☼16

[18.11.20]

C/W SWEARING AND INFLICTING PAIN

T/W death

I’m seriously going to scream into my pillow today😃😃I’ve had enough of people and I’ve enough of everything. I want to get out of here so badly.

IDK IF I’M JUST BEING SALTY OR PETTY BUT I JUST UGHHHHGBGUB

I should be continuing my coursework but this is making me go✈ vexed hours

Let’s start the morning. Went school by myself because someone is incapable at waking up at a specific time. This isn’t the first time. It was relatively ok till [REDACTED] came in. My head was just filled with “aren’t you going to apologise that you’re late and made me wait??”. Nothing. No apology. And this is the same person who constantly changes the time we meet: from 7:20, to 7:25 and now to 7:30. 

You may be thinking “Moon tf chill out it’s just a 10 minute difference”. The bus I take to school is one of the most crowded buses from 7:30 to 8:15. And why do I know this ✨experience✨ Not only that but there is a mass amount of students that get on along with adults travelling for work. 

Anyway, later in the day I was explaining what it means to be queer and why I not really comfortable on labelling myself AND SHE FUCKING GOES “Oh if you likes girls and boys that means you are bi not queer”.

 First things first- 1. who are you to tell me what i identify as🧍🏿‍♀️😀I’m sorry last time I checked, you generally don’t understand what umbrella terms are. 2. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICKING FUCK I WILL MAKE SURE YOU BASH YOUR PINKIE TOE EVERY MONDAY YOU WAKE UP. And 3rd of all-WHAT??!?!? Are you even hearing yourself speak?????? Like generally asking. In that very moment I had become a heterophobe. Did I ignore her? Yes. What is with hets not understanding anything??? Do I have to give a book for you to understand society ignores the lgbtq+ community or do i have to the extra mile and explain it in dumb dumb form?????? JUST GENERALLY ASKING. It’s not hard respecting what I refer to myself as... You have to understand me, just respect my preferences. Next challenge is explaining why I don’t mind any pronouns people use on me. 

Another thing that got on my nerves today is😆😜✨English resit classes💕💖 😍🥰 I’ve already done the exam in the first November and all I have to do is wait till January for results. So why do I have to still go to the classes? And let’s say that I did fail, the next one is in July. Just to clarify, for the preparations for the exam was rushed. We weren't given a mock in between and how do you expect students who haven’t been in school for over 6 months to do a test??? Yes I completely understand that it is best that we stay in English as a class but why? We can simply catch up those two months of work with 6 months of work spread out evenly. And on top of that we can also have a mock in between in addition to understanding which questions we are weak at. 

The main problem of these English resit classes is the timing. WHY ARE MAJORITY OF THE LESSONS DURING 6TH PERIOD. All students in the class are also film students. The subject we take is very practical and editing will take up to more than 2 hours depending on the duration of each video. For us who have only recently starting learning how to use the editing program THIS DRAGSSSS ON. Our film teacher only allows to come during 6th periods and where do the EngR classes lie? 6th period. Do you see the problem?

Another problem is that our subjects we take are heavily coursework-based. This means hours, I mean HOURS required to complete over 12 pages worth of coursework. It took me 12 pages to finish one section😃😃with a lack of sleep that came with it. Science really said 2 for the price of 1. In a nutshell the cycle goes as followed: EngR->coming home later than usual ->less time to scream into my pillow every day->less time to unwind myself and relax->less time taken to sleep due to late nights->comes to school tired->lack of sleep leads to a lack of focus during classes->will probably knock out during a class->no work produced-> goes home tired->sleeps immediately without doing work->work not finished->trouble with teachers I COULD GO ONNNNNN . And that’s on ☆*: English resits:*☆ 

See I would complain to my mum about it, but she’d literally side with the teacher. Is she an enemy during situations like this? Yes. Professional guilt tripper? Yes. I seriously not kidding when I say she is one heck of a guilt tripper. During parents evenings, she’d pull the “ I work so late and when I come back she is not doing any of her work and blah blah she doesn't do anything she is always on her phone yadadadadah”. This is coming from the person who one of many reasons I cry so much lately. She does not care for me. That’s an exaggeration- more of: I stay in the living room, sleeps at irregular times, never knows what I’m doing in my room when I’m doing work, gun to my head making do something in the healthcare industry, MAIN REASON WHY I’M NOT EMOTIONALLY STABLE and I can go on and on and OOONNNNN. 

I generally want to kill myself. Life is just too exhausting at this point. I don’t self-harm because I hate inflicting pain on myself. If the day comes when I start cutting myself, then I’ve probably lost all hope of living. 

I’ll end this here before I start having meltdowns and continuous breakdown of tears. I’d talk more about this but I need to sleep

[luisprada]

The Most Boring Summer Ever (or, How To Set Your Arm On Fire In 5 Easy Steps)

I wish there were still a bold line separating summer and the rest of the year. School used to go on seemingly without end until one day it just stopped and an extended months-long playtime began. Now summers camouflage into the rest of the year in one large blob of work and responsibility where, in the middle, my inner thighs get sweatier than usual.

No obligations and hardly any adult supervision laid the groundwork for a period devoid of the downers that taint adulthood. Even then, I knew how rare those days of bliss were.  Those months satisfied the need for adventure and fun that the school year forced me to suppress. We rode bikes beyond the streets our parents told us we couldn’t cross. We swam during thunderstorms after they told us we’d get struck by lightning if we kept it up, which only made us do it more. We explored the spooky burnt down house at the end of the block. The dread of the looming school year crept as the calendar marched on to the final week of August when classes started up again. Those summers were about discovery, of myself and the world. I never wanted them to end.

They ended the summer I set my arm on fire. All that freedom shit I was romanticizing can, if you’re not careful, lead to being consumed by flames that were kindled by a mix of boredom and stupidity so toxic it requires a HAZMAT suit to approach.

Looking back on it, I don’t just see the moment I set my arm on fire as a single scene. I see the sequence of events that unfolded over months that led to it.

When I Decided Not To Attend Summer Camp

Boredom is a powerful tool that can lead to creative breakthroughs maybe 2% of the time. The other 98% is guys laughing as they punch each other’s dicks after having exhausted all other entertainment resources. If not for camps, my summers would have been slogs I’d use to later become either a creative genius or a supervillain with a volcano base.

Unlike in movies where kids returned to the same camp every summer, the camps I attended changed every year depending on what my friends and I were into. I begged my mom to pull me out of a Boy Scout camp halfway through. I’m not a fan of Mother Nature’s severe lack of TVs, especially when this camp’s idea of wilderness was a park with 10 trees in the middle of a residential neighborhood across the street from a Best Buy and a Taco Bell. I was in a roller hockey camp where every day I and fellow campers donned all of our pads in the sweltering heat of summer to play a game of chicken against heat-induced delirium. It was like if child abuse was fun for the child. I was in another where we went on field trips every day. Mondays we went to a spring water pool in a beautiful local coral quarry. We bowled on Tuesday, went to an arcade on Wednesdays, and so on. It explains why, for a small stretch in my life, I thought we were rich. The illusion of wealth was shattered the day my mom couldn’t afford the camp fees anymore, which I found out minutes before I hopped on the bus for our weekly laser tag game. I was shuttled off to hang out with the rest of the kids who couldn’t afford the Premium Platinum Plus Executive Level summer camp experience. I got into a 4-on-1 fight within the first hour. Those kids were animals.

By the time I hit middle school, I felt I’d outgrown camps. I was fast approaching adulthood. I should be getting a head start on being a listless loser with no future who sits around all day while his friends are actually doing something with their lives. Rather than spend another summer socializing in the sun, I figured I’d take the first steps into maturity by spending this summer the same way I use any brief instance of free time I manage to scrounge up as an adult – doing as little as humanly possible and basking in every glorious second of it.

 When My Family Thought It Wise To Have A Candy Bowl of Lighters In Our Home

My home was a smoker’s paradise. Not a school year went by where at least one teacher or classmate who caught a whiff of me as I walked by didn’t ask if I had been running an illegal gambling ring out of a basement. In fourth grade, a classmate asked if I smoked cigarettes after catching an intense smoky whiff of my Sesame Street book bag. What a dumb question. How did he not notice me enjoying a couple smokes under the monkey bars every day during playtime?

My mom smoked one cigarette a day, just one to unwind after work. My aunt would pop in and out to snatch a smoke at odd intervals like she was an audience favorite sitcom character who’d have to wait for the applause to die down before she delivered her first line. My grandfather knew he was impervious to the Grim Reaper’s touch, so he’d chain smoke to rub Death’s futility in his bony face. To accommodate the smokers, there was always a candy dish filled with lighters and matchboxes somewhere around the house.

I wandered the apartment that summer struggling to find the reason I left the camp life behind. The desire to spend your free time relaxing at home rarely takes into account how little there is to do at home, especially on a weekday. Daytime TV was all soap operas and judge shows. I still can’t watch them without feeling like I’m in a waiting room about to get my braces tightened. I couldn’t rely on my Sega Genesis since the only games I had were Sonic Spinball, where the fusion of Sonic the Hedgehog and pinball into a punny title was the game’s only redeeming quality, and Math Blasters, a game I will never forgive for trying to trick me into liking math. The excitement the technological toys lacked I found in the primitive destructive powers of fire, which could be created with any number of the lighters and matchbooks lying around.

I improvised little fire-based games, like “Melt Plastic Sandwich Bags” where you won by melting clear plastic sandwich bags while trying to not boil my flesh or pass out from the fumes. Another fun one was “Let’s Burn Wooden Kebob Skewers For No Reason.” I was undefeated. Both of these eventually gave birth to a third game called “Try To Hide Signs of My Pyromania From Mom,” which I never won. The lighters were just sitting there, begging me to figure out how to use them to kill time and possibly myself and everyone in the building.

When I Shoplifted A Knock-Off Zippo Lighter From Spencer Gifts

When the boredom became too much to bear, which happened after I ran out of things to set on fire, I’d walk a few blocks to a local mall. I’d make routine stops at Electronics Boutique to gawk at all the non-Math Blasters games I couldn’t afford and then at Sharper Image to sit and groan with sensual pleasure in the massage chair until I was asked to leave. I’d circle the food court collecting free samples of chicken slathered in the traditional sugary chicken sauces of mysterious far-off lands.

No trip was complete without a visit to the Spencer Gifts hidden in the dark corridor at the ass end of the mall. All malls are required by federal law to have at least one Spencer Gifts or be heavily fined. It’s a loadbearing store. Spencer Gifts is where people with bad taste make a pilgrimage to stock up on fake dog poop, edible underwear, and novelty shot glasses emblazoned with fun slogans celebrating alcoholism. Today, it’s mostly filled with people deciding if they should buy a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles snapback flatbrim hat or pay their bills. The placement of this particular Spencer Gifts suggested it was this mall’s greatest shame. In my memory, it looks like the kind of place you suspect launders money for a local crime syndicate. Part of the proceeds of every glow-in-the-dark Jimi Hendrix poster went to buying off a couple cops and a City Councilman.

It was there that I saw it, the object that would save my summer: a knock-off Zippo lighter with a picture of a woman’s ass with a black thong running up the crack. Since anything that could be even vaguely described as porn was hard to come by for at least another year until I finally had internet, anything that showed off a woman’s body was a holy relic worth sacrificing my life to obtain and protect. One day between classes in middle school, some classmates and I came across an issue of Hustler lying on the grass out in the open. There was a woman showing off her vagina right there. How did no one else see this? Were we dehydrated wanderers being deceived by a mirage? We pounced on it at the same time and tried wrestling it from each other’s grasp, titties and pubes flying everywhere. We had to fight for our porn then. There’s only so much scrambled cable TV porn that looks like people are fucking in a Dali painting that a pubescent boy can take. One clear picture of a naughty part is all we asked for, and this knock-off Zippo with a thonged ass delivered that and fire. I was a budding pyromaniac in the throes of puberty and I kind of wanted to have sex with this lighter. But I had no money. The only way to make this truly terrible lighter mine was to steal it.

I cased the joint in the days leading up to the big heist. Their security system was no more than the bored guy in his early 20s working the cash register and hoping he’s not this store’s manager by the time he’s in his early 30s. There wasn’t a camera in sight. No scanners at the entrance. This wasn’t the Ocean’s 11 Bellagio heist. I grabbed it and headed over to the rear corner of the store, as far away from the register as I could get with plenty of aisles and novelty piggy banks shaped like boobs between me and the sole employee. I ripped open the packaging and slid it into my pocket. I probably could’ve told the cashier I was taking it and that he wouldn’t have broken his thousand-yard stare into the void of boredom enough to stop me. But in the moment my heart was racing, my temples were sweating, and my veins were pumping with enough adrenaline to lift an excavator off a baby if need be.

I walked home with the butt lighter in my pocket, terrified, thinking a squadron of waddling mall cops would be hot on my tail. I relaxed when I stepped into my apartment, and more so when I entered my bedroom. I had made it. The knock-off Zippo with a woman’s thonged butt was mine. My boring summer was about to become legendary.

All of this was the beginning of my brief but prolific career as a petty shoplifter. My youthful dabbling in criminality would come to an abrupt and fitting end a few years later when I got caught stealing Sonic Adventure for the Sega Dreamcast from a Target a block from home. When I die, the Grim Reaper will visit me in the form of Sonic the Hedgehog and together we will loop-to-loop over spike pits into the Great Beyond.

When I Ignored My Own Really Good Advice

I’d spent all summer searching for meaning in the boredom. I almost found it in the bowls filled with lighters, and again in the melted sandwich bags, but I wound up having to steal it from a Spencer Gifts. The lighter was the reason I left summer camps behind. It was the discovery of self at the end of a spirit quest. More than anything, it let me set things on fire with a butt.

When I wasn’t fiddling with it, it was never more than an arm’s length away. I’d spark it again and again, so often that I’d go through a bottle of lighter fluid every couple weeks. The cheap plastic gas station lighters in the candy bowls were functionally identical to the butt lighter, except the butt lighter had meaning. I earned the butt lighter. Each flame burned as hot as my desperation to not be so fucking bored because I made the horrible mistake of not going to summer camp. The flame, with its mysterious alluring powers to ruin and purify, became my Savior, and because of it I now totally understand how religion got started in the first place.

One day, I sparked the flint and it wasn’t followed by a flame. Out of fluid. No worries, though – I had some hidden away in my bedroom desk. Zippo-style lighters don’t have an enclosed inner chamber like cheap plastic gas station lighters. They’re filled with cotton stuffing that keeps the wick moist with absorbed lighter fluid. I slid the fluid tank from its casing and flipped it upside down to expose the cotton over the kitchen sink. The stuffing is so absorbent it can be hard to tell when it’s filled. The time between when the fluid peaks over the top of the cotton and when it’s dribbling down your forearm is roughly the same as a single flap of hummingbird’s wings or the length of my attention span. I got lost in thought and the fluid overflowed. It ran down my left forearm, streaming down my elbow. I knew the muscle memory wanted me to give the flint a flick after sliding the tank back in its casing, so I over-prepared by repeating a single mantra to prevent a worst-case scenario:

“DON’T SPARK THE LIGHTER!”

It echoed in my brain. It was my only thought.  

“DON’T SPARK THE LIGHTER!”

“DON’T SPARK THE LIGHTER!”

“DON’T SPARK THE LIGHTER!”

 When I Sparked The Lighter

As I watched the flames race up my left pinky to my elbow in an instant while making that dramatic “WOO-UUF!” sound fire makes in movies (which I can assure you is the sound it actually makes), I remember thinking, “Well, see, now this is pretty rad.” A second later I went into the customary “I’m on fire” panic, but not before I took a second to appreciate how, despite the horror, being on fire makes you feel pretty fucking metal. I wouldn’t suggest it to spice up a dull evening at home or an uneventful cocktail party, but it is a nice change of pace that can liven things up a little.

Stop, Drop, and Roll is an easy to remember tip that could save your life if you’re ever on fire, assuming you remember it. But being on fire really screws with your priorities. So I did not Stop, Drop, and Roll. Instead, I just went with the flow and did whatever my spirit told me to. My spirit was telling me to wave my arm around and scream. It wasn’t really helpful, but it felt right. That’s what really matters when you’re on fire.

The screaming wasn’t from the pain. It was from the shock of being engulfed by flame. I don’t remember the pain. Being on fire is a spectacle just uncommon enough in real life that it only makes sense in a movie, where the hero barbecues a henchman with a flamethrower who flails around screaming before leaping out of a window to splat on the street to end the pain. Something heroic like that. You don’t imagine setting yourself on fire in your kitchen on a Tuesday afternoon. I may have felt pain in the moment, but I was too distracted by being on fire to feel it, if that makes sense.

Something I’ve always marveled at is how, in a moment of desperation, the ghostly spirit of instinct will possess your body to guide it to safety. While my eyes and most sections of my brain were busy trying to comprehend how part of me was on fire, instinct launched my right hand over to the knob on the sink. I twisted the faucet open with a swift spin. In one fluid swipe, my left arm cut through the stream. The momentum swung water spotted with the black ashes of my arm hair across the counter to my right.

The fire was out.

The little wisps of burnt hair smoke I inhaled trying to catch my breath made me want to vomit. There was a defining line of forearm hair that had been scorched away. Hair, hair, ha—BALD. The few hairs that remained had singed tips that smeared into dust. I caught my breath then wiped down the counter. I lit an incense to mask the unmistakable funk of burning me. I pieced the lighter back together and sparked it again.

Yep. It worked.

The hinge on the lighter top snapped off a couple months later. I never used it again. I kept it in my desk for a few years longer as a memento of that time a woman’s ass set me on fire. I didn’t go back to camp the following summer, or ever again. My instinct was right. I had outgrown summer camp. I had chosen the worst way to end that chapter of my life. I hung out with friends and generally tried to spend more time away from places I could accidentally self-immolate in a fit of boredom. 

Summer came to a well-earned end a couple weeks later. The hair on my arm had mostly grown back by the time I stepped foot into homeroom for the first time. I didn’t let the lingering summer heat stop me from wearing long-sleeved shirts to hide my arm stubble.

Most school years began with dread. Not this one. For the first and only time in my life, I couldn’t wait to go back. I hated school like it murdered my family and only kept attending so I could destroy it from the inside, but at least it wasn’t so boring that I had to set myself on fire to make it interesting.

[brokenhayatim]

the projectionist

[now playing: the projectionist & north by sleeping at last]

this has been a long time coming but i couldn’t put my words to paper screen.

when hands are tied and clocks are ticking an audience convinced: we’re leaning in  holding our breath again

i can’t wait to go back to my place. i used to say that a lot, not out of spite or rudeness but because i genuinely couldn’t wait to be back to my own calm. its hit me now how i’ll no longer have that. and i wish i could feel finally sad or even say i’m still overwhelmed and confused, but it’s this sense of somber longing i guess. longing to keep something so good and somber at the reality that i just..won’t have that soon. i began calling this place home years ago and not because of the state (please, i would’ve anywhere but this state if not for the people i’ve met here) but because it’s my home. i more than just studied here, i built a fresh start, a life here. and i feel like i won’t have that again. is this what people feel like when they move out of their home of like 14 years that they raised 4 children and adopted 3 dogs in. it’s more tough than i thought, you know. every lease i’ve signed (shaking bc commitment may i add) i’ve always know i would be here the next, even though not in the same place and living with the same people, i’d still be here. i get emotional and nostalgic thinking of my former places every time i move, and i still think back to my first. i remember moments so vividly and what the apartment looked like from every square inch. but this is different. i moved an entire state away, essentially to be alone, and i love it. i love that i don’t depend on people for the simple things and less for the difficult things. i love that i have a routine. i like that i come home and i’m alone (roommates, i know, but it’s different). i go to the grocery store alone, i’ve learned the way and i’ve walked. i like that i could walk to target and walgreens, because i’ve learned the way. i like that i don’t have to depend on driving especially, i take a few ubers but even then, i’m comfortable doing that. something new york asiya would never have been. i go for mri’s alone. i walk to uni alone and back (except when i take the bus bc gurl i would sweat). i go the airport and fly alone, something i’ve loved. don’t get me wrong i love my siblings and miss them dearly but that’s what visits are for, and we have those every few months. no one has also came to visit me except my sister twice, and would i really want them too..i don’t know. **to expand on that first time at a later date** but now my brain is like ‘come. see the life i’ve made for myself. i want to show you all i’ve built’.

we'll tell our stories on these walls. every year, measure how tall and just like a work of art we'll tell our stories on these walls

i’m not ready for so many unknowns. where will i live soon? how many jobs will i have to apply for and which ones? even simplest things like where will i do my laundry? i’ve babbled about this but i’m so incredibly grateful for the apartments that i’ve had with amenities. my sisters are always shocked to know how i live at such a small price, but student housing [chef’s kiss]. but things like central ac and in home laundry, i’ve never thought of that, but new york i’ll have to. i’ll probs have to buy my room ac and walk for laundry if i live in the city. i can’t imagine i’d get a graphic design job or something similar anywhere near where i live, so the city i shall be. how far will i have to go to the store? what may happen on the way? i’ve sometimes worried about walking to the store here, mostly when they have kidnappers on the loose, but i always feel more safe than not. i walk 20/30 mins to target and walgreens on foot on the side of the main road and i’ve taken public transportation too. story on that, i told my first roommate how to get to the store from the bus and she was terrified so i went with her and she was like ...i can’t do this alone, i’ll just call a car. would new york asiya have done that too? probably not. because florida me is more independent (idk if bold or courageous is the word) and probs just a little crazy. ubers also are way more expensive in new york, just to add on that. i’ve taken the subway and train alone in new york and have walked blocks alone around nyu and parks. i know new york well, where i live and a bit of the city, but it’s not the same. my dream would be like keeping what i have here and copy and pasting it into the state of new york. i’ve always been and felt like a new yorker here, not once a floridian. i definitely don’t even do that school pride thing, some people actually never knew where i went to college. new york is also home for me, but it’s like my baby home. sometimes i think i was genuinely crazy coming here alone and not even knowing anything about the state nor ever seeing the university. but it was the best thing. i’m always depressed, yes, and i hate people, yes. but despite all of me being a constant emotional tragedy, i really love what i have here. it’s my own. i’ve become that person that tells you directions or tells you where to get what where. and now i’ll have to go back to someone that has to ask 89 questions and gets lost 14 times. ah, but if only i was rich and i could have it all. 

so we’re leaving,  we’re leaving our shadows behind us now we’re leaving, we’re leaving it all behind for now

i can’t wait to go back to my place. i’ll no longer have a home to run off to for months when i don’t feel right. i’ve actually booked flights earlier than i and my family planned/expected just to jet sometimes. i always come back with my suitcase(s) and feel at home walking into my place. i know, inshallah, i’ll have that again in new york or wherever i am, but i HATE CHANGE. its such a big shift that i’m like..can we do baby steps?? i haven’t even been avoiding it for months, i’ve genuinely forgotten until like march when i had to decide on graduation stuff. and now i’ve opened my suitcase and feel like i’m doing my my clothes wrong by putting them in a suitcase to travel a state away and not a few streets. my 3 apartments have essentially been in between two streets, you see one, turn right and drive down, there’s another, turn left and then another left, drive down the road and there’s my current one, which is about two minutes from the first if you drive up a little down. it’s legit a square..but irrelevant. i know i can always come back to visit, but it won’t be the same. my social interaction meter already runs out in like 24 hours as it is then i need to come back home, imagine if i have to stay at someone’s house for like 3 days, lord. i don’t really know if it’s leaving that’s unsettling or going back knowing i won’t be fully alone from people that know me. 

(not so) tangent I: i always daydreamed of traveling to another state and getting a place there. my friend is thinking of coming from germany to practice dentistry here and we could find a place together. i know moving half way across the world for someone seems like a terrible idea, and i’ve lowkey done that coming here between states, but almost seven years of adoring each other’s existence makes you mushy and a little crazy. i feel like i’ll be awkward living with friends bc i’m such a loner, but who knows. the only thing getting her through these months of her final year in dentistry school is this idea and we’ve said inshallah every other week basically so inshallah, if it’s best for us. wild also that i knew her before she even started uni, way before she started dentistry school, like damn i hadn’t realized it’s been that long. 

ACTUAL tangent part II: late 2020/2021 was gonna be my planned travel year. rose was gonna have her dentistry school graduation in february so i was gonna go with more bouquets than my hands could hold. but before that i really wanted to see noor in like late december/january (shoutout to her getting her license i will never not be proud. am i smiling right now typing this? yes). i would find a way to not die in one of those taxis for this surprise, wait outside in the rain (if the sky allows) and play a neighbourhood song outside her window with my iphone that would get water damage and die, then i would sing it (i memorized the lyrics on the flight over, duh). point is, i wanted to see her first and also in one of the least hottest months bc although i would die for her, i’m not going out from heat stroke. thank you miss covid-19, i must postpone that to 2041. i would say i could move to dubai, but i love wearing black and not like..oh yeah..dying. with germany, (ironically enough where my cousin and i were gonna go, me for uni) i can barely speak english let alone learn another language. i wouldn’t subject anyone to murica so alternative options are encouraged. anyways, it’s like the virus knew i was an absolute loser. and it’s as if i have a bug to just keep hopping on planes to avoid having to deal with myself for more than twelve minutes. additional tangent, sometimes i think about how i’ve known noor for five years and like four of those years, we’ve spoken like every day..like how the hell do we do this??? we’ve exhausted every topic humanly possible and still find something new. imagine if we met and it was just [crickets] jhfghfg. i would say we share a braincell and she has it, but i feel like she has five at least. i always have the same tangent topic that literally should just be it’s own solo post..ANYWAYS. 

let the years we're here be kind, be kind let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide settle our bones like wood over time, over time

i’m gonna continue this later bc the tangent sent my mind in a whole different direction ,, what are thoughts

[littledonkeyburrito]

Got my hopes up that the school might actually be on fire

1. Are you going anywhere for this summer? I’ll be going back to Australia in the middle of their summer. That counts, right?

2. Do you put ketchup on top of your French fries or on the side? Neither. Not a huge fan of tomato sauce. I think chips taste just fine on their own

3. Last time you smoked weed? I think it was July. It was my last attempt to see if I could actually enjoy it. I didn’t.

4. What are you currently hearing right now? Tengo un Amor - Genitallica

5. Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed? The bathroom door in my apartment doesn’t actually close properly but I still close it as far as it will go even though I live alone.

6. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? Yes

7. What are you looking forward to? Having a salary again. Also seeing my friends for the first time in a year. But I am not looking forward to the price of alcohol in Australia

8. If you were kicked out of your current residence, whom would you call? A hostel.

9. Are there framed pictures from your parents wedding in your house? There are not even framed pictures of my parents’ wedding in their own houses, since they split up 17 years ago

10. Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? Their sex is irrelevant. I don’t hang out with anyone because I don’t have any friends in this country.

11. Who was the last person you cried in front of? A cinema full of people who were probably also crying

12. Would you rather live in New York City or Washington DC? New York is further from the annoying orange but tbh I’d rather not live anywhere in that country.

13. Have you ever slept on the floor with the person you like? Who is this person I like? Can you introduce me? 14. Last non-alcoholic beverage consumed? Orange juice. I haven’t drunk any alcohol since I accidentally got trashed home alone last week haha 15. What are you wearing? stripey long sleeve shirt, grey hoodie, jeans, socks 16. Is it okay to kiss people when you’re single? Are you implying that some people think it’s only okay to kiss others when you’re not single? I don’t understand.

17. Have you ever met someone who is amazing? No, all my friends are shit. Of course I have met amazing people. 18. Does someone love you? I like to think my mum does 19. Do you want any tattoos? I used to but now I don’t care so much 20. Do you have anything in your pockets right now? Phone.  21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Muji, in Japan 22. When are you going to dye your hair next? Not for a long time. I’m pretty happy with my natural hair colour these days.

23. Are you listening to music right now? Yes, currently playing is Fake My Own Death - Sum 41

24. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? A few times, but not in the last couple of years

25. Something’s wrong: FIRST guy you turn to? Depends what is wrong but probably my dad

26. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I think it was either white rum or tequila

27. Do you wear sweaters in the Winter or hoodies, more often? Depends on where I’m going. Lately I like my stripey sweater if I’m going out and wear my hoodie at home

28. Has your school ever had a lockdown? If so, for what reason exactly? Okay so when I was in highschool I was in music class in a classroom attached to the gym which is slightly separated from the rest of the school. We were watching lord of the rings bc we were learning about film soundtracks. One girl had gone outside, walked all the way around to the bathrooms at the back of the gym and come back. It was just after she got back that one of the groundskeepers came into our class and was like “what the hell are you guys doing?? You know the whole school is on lockdown, right? Didn’t you hear the alarms? Get under your desks!”  So we were all like “um wtf??” and got under our desks and turned the movie off. We peered out the windows across to the carpark and there was a bunch of cop cars with their lights on. Turns out there was an intruder in the school with a knife and the lockdown alarms had been going off but there was no alarm attached to the gym so we didn’t hear it, especially not over lord of the rings. They installed an alarm there that same week. 

29. Do you enjoy it when your school has drills? No, it was always so boring and got my hopes up that the school might actually be on fire this time.

30. What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? I have a growing collection of white earphones but I didn’t buy any of them. I keep getting given them on planes and nightbuses.

31. Are you a confident person, or do you keep to yourself usually? These are not mutually exclusive

32. Where was the last place you vacationed to? Did you enjoy this time? I went to Paris a couple of weeks ago. It was okay but would have been better if I had people to hang out with. I’m pretty bad at travelling solo and I struggle to meet people in hostels.

33. Do you like Mexican food? What’s your favorite meal under that genre of food? Genre? lmao

34. Are you afraid of thunderstorms? I love storms and that is one thing I miss from living in the tropics/sub-tropics

35. What is keeping you warm right now? WELL IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T MY PIECE OF SHIT HEATER

36. Would you ever donate blood? If they’d let me, but the countries I’ve lived in lately don’t want it because they think I have mad cow disease.

37. Would you go 2 days without eating for $200? For only $200? Hell no. Add another zero and I might consider it.

38. What are you currently listening to? This question comes up so often but fortunately it’s always a different answer. Now playing is La Mordidita - Ricky Martin

39. When’s the last time someone made you feel like you mattered? I was talking to a friend about when I’ll be back in Aus and he asked for plenty of notice on what date it would be so he could take a couple days off work because he was really excited to see me again. That was a nice thing to hear and I’m pretty sure we’re going to get fucking smashed when we see each other again because we are each other’s party friend. My liver dreads this date but the rest of me is excited to see him again.

40. Would you say your life is on the right track right now? It’s off-roading

41. Do/Did you skip class? On days I had drum lessons I would usually skip an extra half an hour or so. One of the drum teachers I had did not give a flying fuck that I was skipping class and he would actually kinda help me with it. My lesson was supposed to be 30 minutes every week. But I would rock up toward the end of the second break and stay until home bell rang almost 2 hours later. We would just jam or sometimes I’d show up and he’d literally leave to go get lunch while I sat there playing drums instead of going to maths.

42. Do you have long eyelashes? Yes. My lower eyelashes are so long that if I were to wear mascara it would smudge onto my skin when I blink. I learned this when my mum put makeup on me as a trial run before my highschool formal.

43. Does your family make you feel supported? Yes, I have a pretty great family

44. What is the highest outdoor temperature you’ve ever had to endure?  Outdoors? It was 45 Celsius in Varanasi, India AND I was sick at that point which made it even worse. I only went out at dawn and dusk for those couple of days. But I’ve been in slightly higher temperatures in vehicles in India. On one bus my phone was in my bag and it turned itself off because it was too hot.

45. And the lowest?  When I went up the swiss alps as a kid. It was summer but up at the peak my dad says it was negative 20. Tbh that’s probably an exaggeration but it was still pretty damn cold.

46. Can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you?  Oh my god no. I am so oblivious to this. Like that time a guy was hitting on me in a restaurant in central america and it took me more than an hour to realise. People say latino guys are more direct but I still didn’t fucking notice

47. How often do you straighten your hair? I don’t think I ever have

48. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? I had sips of beer and wine growing up but my first ever full alcohol beverage was a can of pre-mixed JD&coke. Or was it jim beam and coke? Idk. One of them.

49. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? I have sleeping pills and I used to take them sometimes when I did shift work but they ended up making me just as drowsy the next day as if I hadn’t slept so they aren’t really worth it unless I desperately need sleep and only have a certain amount of time before I have to go somewhere.

50. Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? Female. For invasive procedures and also a woman is more likely to actually listen if I’m telling them something is wrong.

51. What was the last thing you bought? Groceries 52. What is something you do every summer? Sweat, rack up a decent electricity bill from blasting my AC, sweat some more as soon as I go outside 53. Do you have a job? I’ll be working again in February. And then I’ll be my older brother’s boss. 54. When was the last time you ate pizza? No idea. A long time ago.

55. Do you live near a beach or amusement park? Beach is about 10-15 minutes walk. But I’ve never swam there 56. Have you ever failed a final exam? Yep. I did not enjoy or do well at uni. 57. Who would you be shocked to see call you? A dead person. 58. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? I’d rather they didn’t but I don’t care that much. 59. How old is the computer you’re on? Less than 2 years but it is structurally falling apart. I have to be careful how I pick it up or adjust the screen angle because I could literally just break the whole thing apart. I just need it to last a few more months until I can afford a better one. 60. What is your blood-type? O+ the same as my mum 61. Are you donating your organs? Not currently. I’d prefer to wait until I’m not using them 62. What is one show that is canceled that you wish was still on? The Bitch in Apartment 23

63. Have you made any life altering decisions lately? To go back to Australia, I guess. But it’s more of a necessity than a choice.

64. What is the closest store to you? The cornerstore is next door to my building on the right and a bar is on the left. 65. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? Yofo - Molotov 66. Where is the last place you applied for a job?  No idea. I applied to a lot. 67. Which continent would you most like to travel to and why? Aside from going back to Australia, the next place I go will probably be somewhere in Latin America again. There’s so much more to see there. 68. Are there a lot of tourists where you live? So goddamn many. It’s not so bad now that it’s winter but the summer was so hectic.

69. Do you have to use public transport often? Whenever I go somewhere that’s not walking distance. The metro system is really good here. 70. Does your house have an alarm? Why, you gonna try to break in? I’ll save you the effort, I have nothing of value aside from the $30USD on my shelf 71. Have you ever asked someone out on a date? Y'know I actually don’t think I have 72. Whose grave did you last visit? Oscar Wilde’s

73. How far out of your age bracket would you date? Ideally within about 5 years of me but I figure anything less than my parents’ age gap is passable (15 years)

74. Could you go a day without talking to the last person you kissed? I have gone many days without talking to him.

75. Do you like mac n cheese? It’s mediocre.

76. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I woke up at midday but then went back to sleep for another 2 hours.

77. Are you usually wide awake when you wake up? God no. 

78. How long have you known your first phone contact? Since May

79. Which would you rather play: guitar or drums? I can play both but I prefer drums

80. You can never drink tea again or soda. Which do you give up? I don’t drink tea anyway so that’s a pretty easy choice. Besides, I wouldn’t mix rum with tea.

81. Do you live in the past? What time travelling secret do you have that I don’t know about?

82. Do you think that black cats actually bring bad luck? the fact that I’d have just seen a cat would already be the result of good luck.

83. When’s the last time you went to a party? Absolutely no idea. A long time ago

84. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Very much so.

85. If you got married to the last person you kissed would you be happy? Married is a bit much

86. Can you go a month without swearing? I really couldn’t. Swearing is an ingrained part of my vocabulary, thanks to working in the security industry for 3 years.

87. If you had a chance to make $200, only, by stripping for truckers on a corner, would you? Why do you all think $200 is a lot of money?

88. Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? That’s more like it. Yes I would certainly consider it at least

89. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? A couple of pairs. Currently wearing one of them

90. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yep

91. How many pairs of Converse do you own? Three but one of them are pretty destroyed and should go in the bin.

[sightful-tangents]

january 1, 2020

Hi friends. It’s been a while, hasn’t it. I usually try and write something once a month or so but obviously I dropped the ball last year.

Can you believe it’s 2020? I think each year I start taking my resolutions more and more seriously. It’s one of those long-term commitments that I’ve found deeply rewarding just because of the passage of time. Simply with setting goals and the year passing by (for like, 5 years now) makes me excited with each coming year to think about what I want to accomplish, and how I want to shape my life.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. My 2020 themes note has been living in my phone for months now, but we’re here for the 2019 retrospective (original post here). It’s been quite a year. Here we go, on how I did.

THE BIG ONE

1. Put down roots. This resolution was three-pronged: a sturdy mental foundation, a sense of belonging in a place, and a feeling of belonging with people. I think I mostly accomplished that - my mental health (minus a very very stressful 1.5 months at work) has been mostly good, bolstered by well-timed vacations that cleared my head SO well (ugh, I *need* these breaks , that’s what I learned). I’ve been living in my basement for a bit over a year now and my space is coming together. I’m starting to really like being at home and in my space and feeling comfortable and content there. And lastly, a feeling of belonging with people… I do think I depend my relationships this year. I let a few go (or more like, I no longer hold those as dearly) but I formed a few new ones and overall, especially with the holidays being a time when I always reflect and feel extremely grateful, thinking of those that I cared about and wanted to give gifts/cards to… I’m just very grateful for those people around me and how they make me feel. I read a Bill Gates/Warren Buffet interview once, where Warren Buffet said his measure of success was whether the people you care about you love you back. This year, I felt this. So I’m going to count this one as done.

WORK

2. Don’t get fired.

I didn’t!! 

3. No major fuck-ups (that may lead to being fired and/or my supervisor seriously regretting his decision to hire me).

I think I’ve made mistakes but this year, no major fuck-ups I don’t think.

4. Get a professional certification.

I did! I got a professional cert in the field of privacy.

5. Learn to be a better supervisor.

I think I did this. I think I’m better, specifically, I’ve been very intentional with being open with the person I work with/supervise, not micro-managing, and trying to support her to do projects she’s interested in. I’m sure there’s still a ways to go, but I think I improved.

6. Be okay with being uncomfortable at work.

I’m never going to feel completely comfortable, I don’t think. But I’ve been better and taking on projects that I’m not sure how to handle, and trying my best. Also, I’ve never been more fucking uncomfortable organizing a work event in my life (this was the 1.5 months of hell) but it’s done and nobody died. 

TANGIBLE-(ish) 7. Be smart with money.

I did a budget this year, breaking down my categories of spending. Pros: I kept within my vacation budget, kept mostly to my savings goal, didn’t spend too much on groceries, spent a reasonable amount on restaurants/bars and entertainment. Cons: I think I spent a bit too much on clothes. I saved a decent amount as well (an inheritance and a tax refund helped as well, but thankfully I didn’t spend those frivolously). 

8. Read 35 books.

Nope, I only read 14. I’m gonna only aim for 30 next year. Sigh. It makes me sad that I don’t read as much anymore, but I also have a physical bookcase now (YAY!) which gives me more excuses to buy physical books (YAY?) 

9. Cook at least 2 times a week.

By “cook”… what did I mean? I didn’t eat out for dinner often, but often my dinner would be a quickly assembled meal (I eat oatmeal for dinner more often than I would care to admit). I’ll say this is half done. I definitely TRIED to cook more (as in with the pay and all that) but definitely not consistently at twice a week.

10. Get an IUD.

I did this! I don’t know if my body likes it (ugh the side effects are a-nnoying!). But it’s done.

11. Volunteer.

I volunteered for 2 events in 2018, and last year (2019) I did 3. I enjoyed them all a lot!

12. Continue playing piano for fun.  

Again, I’m so glad I bought that piano (keyboard). It’s been truly joyful to re-introduce music into my life.

13. Learn and keep a new hobby.

YES I DID THIS. My friends know that I constantly talk about wanting to pick up a new hobby (I actually also took 8 weeks of pottery classes earlier this year… which was totally not my jam). But I asked for a guitar from my mum for Christmas and she gave it to me early in November and learning to play it has been infinitely rewarding. I suck really bad but I suck a tiny bit less each time.

SPACE

14. Travel.

My travel goals were: Taiwan, the Rockies (Banff and Jasper), and either South America, Turkey, or Eastern Europe. Also, maybe Toronto over the holidays. And I was very very very tentatively thinking about going to New Zealand in 2020, so let’s cross our fingers. 

In reality, I made it to: Taiwan, Rockies, Japan, and Toronto. Japan was a surprise trip of sorts since it wasn’t on my radar, but I went with my Japanese housemate and had an AMAZING time. I felt so so happy and calm there, it was incredible.

15. Settle into my living space.

I’m now stressed out that I own too much shit. I mean, I have two dressers, 2 bedside tables, a kitchen table, 2+ chairs, a couch, a TV, a piano, a guitar, a bookcase + books, a few organization things, and all this kitchen shit. The next move is gonna SUUUUCK. But… my living space feels like mine. I have a second room with my instruments and TV and wall decorations I love and honestly it makes me happy to just chill there around all of “my shit” and think to myself “this is me”. It’s taken like a year to slowly get my stuff (like, I bought a Dyson vacuum on Boxing Day…) but things do feel like they’ve come together in to a safe space. 

16. Settle into my city.

This summer was sooo good, weather wise. I stayed in the city, went on lots of dates, and just hung out in the sunshine. It made me love living where I am, although the rainy months are gross. I’ve also grown to know the restaurants, bars, and grocery stores near me and downtown, all of which make me feel a bit more rooted. Yay for yearly themes, eh.

RELATIONSHIPS

17. Make 2 new friends.

I don’t know if they’re new friends since I met them before 2019, but I have formed stronger friendships with an old coworker, as well as re-building a friendship that I had kinda cut off early in the year. Both I’m going to count.

18. Date people!

I did this! I made a little mental note to myself that I’d accept any date someone asked if in person, in addition to a challenge with my friend to go on 3 online dates (w/ different people). This means I’ve went on “dates” (could be as casual as coffee) with someone who asked me out on the street, on a bus, through Instagram DMs, and through tinder. It’s been mostly good, I think.

19. See my mom at least once or twice a month.

I did this! Having a closer relationship with my mom is another one of those things that have built over the course of years, and that I look back and am thankful that past-me (when I was in Toronto) decided to call her once a week when I was pretty MIA in university. Now we’re a lot closer and she has helped me so much (like, she’s pretty much helped me completely furnish my place).

20. Be a better friend (support & generosity).

I think so. I cut my friend circle a little bit (especially high school friends that I realized I didn’t need to hold so closely. It’s funny because when I went away for university, I loved my HS friends so much and would eagerly see them every time I visited. Now that I’m back, I just feel like my HS friends know the old me, and that the current me has changed so much. Or just to say that I think while I’ll always be friendly and love them, I just don’t feel a pressure to be as active in those friendships as I did before. I dedicate myself to other ties.) I’ve deepened my friendships (that I care about) and I know I’m still learning how to be a better friend (always) but I’ve really put in the effort this year.

SELF

21. INTENTIONALITY.

This is a bit of a hit or miss. I mean, I regularly watch 40 minute Bon Appetit youtube videos (I would die for Claire) and read fewer books than I have in like 8 years. But I think I was kinda intentional with my time (making time to see friends, spending my vacation time traveling). I’ll give myself a half point for this.

22. Keep my mental health in check (and prioritize it).

I had 1.5 months of mental health hell, for real. I felt like I didn’t have any time to live my life, including buying groceries or eating dinner. It probably wasn’t that bad but my brain made it feel that way. However, that means I had 10.5 months of pretty decent mental health. If a work issue was the worst thing that happened to me this year, it must not have been that bad.

23. Figure out my finances.

Not really. I saved well, budgeted, but didn’t to the type of actual learning I was aiming for.

24. Fucking exercise.

No :(

25. Maintain my weight.

Yeah, I think so.

26. Be better than I currently am.

I…think so.

27. Take risks. Of all sorts. Because, why not. I had a really big(ish) decision this year and I was initially going to make a decision out of fear of risks. But part of my final thought process was that I think I’d be disappointed in myself that if when it all came down to the line, I decided not to make a potentially risky decision that was sitting in front of me. So even though the future is murky and unknown, I did take it. I also learned there are A LOT OF REASONS WHY NOT. I don’t like to describe anything I do as brave but a little part of me thought that by not doing the safe thing, I did the brave thing. 

----

And.. that’s it. Final score (including the half points): 21.5 out of 27… I’m very pleased :) Who knew this year would turn out like this? 

[travelingtheusa]

NEW YORK

14 Nov 2019 (Thu) – I was invited to participate in the Veteran’s Day ceremony on November 11th with the American Legion post.  We went to two sites to perform a formal ceremony then held a public ceremony at the Veterans Park next to town hall.  About 50 people showed up; mostly veterans.  There was a young man from the high school who sang the National Anthem that had the most beautiful, angelic voice.  After the ceremony, everyone was invited to the Post for hot dogs and hamburgers.

     On Wednesday, November 13th, members of the Post were invited to the local schools. First, we went to the high school and participated in a panel.  We each described our service experience but ran out of time for questions from the kids. The students all came in with jackets and back packs which made me think they were getting off the bus and immediately directed to the auditorium.

     After an hour at the high school, we went to the Maud Sherwood elementary school. We were directed to the end of a long hallway while the students (grades 2 through 5) lined up along the walls. Then we walked down the hall with the kids clapping, waving flags, and giving us high fives.  I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.  It was great!  We had a continental breakfast (courtesy of the PTA), then we split up into groups of three (there were nine of us there), and we went into 5th grade classrooms to talk with the kids.  They had prepared questions followed by freewheeling questions.  Some were very insightful.  The day was quite delightful.

     Following the school, I went directly to Toast Coffeehouse in Patchogue to meet my sister, Susan, for lunch.  The food in that place is awesome! We had a very pleasant visit and said our goodbyes.  She invited me to stay with her when I come back to New York for a checkup.

      At 6:00 p.m., we had Miranda, Kenny, and Caiden come over for a Thanksgiving dinner. Since we won’t be here on Thanksgiving Day, we took an opportunity to celebrate together early.  The food and company were all very nice.  Caiden is such a delightful little boy.

     Today, I had a visit with the oncologist.  I took a CT scan on Tuesday and this visit was to find out the results. It was great news!  Many of the lymph nodes are half their size now.  I am responding beautifully to the chemotherapy.  The nurse did a nose swab because I said I thought I had something brewing.  They wanted to make sure I don’t have the flu or pneumonia.  The doctor then gave me three months before coming back for a checkup. Woohoo!!!  We are cleared to hit the road!

9 Nov 2019 (Sat) – We took Caiden and a friend to an amusement area today. We wanted to take him to BounceU in Nesconset but when we arrived, they had birthday parties going on and no open play. So we drove another half hour to Huntington only to discover we were in the wrong town.  After a total of about an hour’s driving time with two very impatient six years olds in the back seat, we arrived at @Play Adventures in Farmingdale. It was a delightful afternoon for the boys – three hours of bounces, rides, and games.  Afterward, we stopped at McDonald’s for lunch.  The boys had a great time.

     Miranda’s best friend’s grandmother passed away.  She had the funeral and lunch this morning (hence, we were watching Caiden).  Later, she went back to the house for a memorial dinner with the family.  I went back into the house to watch Caiden until she and Kenny got back home.

     Yesterday, we went shopping at Kohl’s.  They were advertising 30% discount for veterans.  We spent too much money and it turned out that some items were not eligible for the discount.  Apparently, the manufacturer tells the store they can’t discount their products. Somehow, that seems dishonest. Kohl’s advertises taking the discount but then doesn’t do it.  We bought a new toaster oven with 11 functions (will I really ever use all of them?) that was advertised at $249.99.  The clerk rang it up at $349.99 at the register.  We had to go to customer service for the correction and it turned out we bought the Pro, with was $100 more.  AND there was no 30% discount on it!!

6 November 2019 (Wed – Paul’s Birthday) – It’s been a busy week.  We saw a lawyer to have our wills updated.  She gave us homework to do – lol.  It is hard to decide who your health care proxy and power of attorney should be.  Doing a will is an eye-opening event.  It makes you face your mortality.  Ugh.

     The American Legion post hosted their annual Law & Order dinner.  They honored firemen, two harbormasters, and a police officer who pulled a car off the train tracks minutes before a train rolled through.  One of the firemen was honored for 70 years of service as a volunteer fire fighter with Islip.  It turned out that he was Paul’s cousin! He knew Paul’s mother in high school and served with Paul’s grandfather in the department (his grandfather was a fire chief).  We exchanged information and promised to look each other up this winter when we are down in Florida.

     I took my laptop to Best Buy for tweaking. The tech did not find any viruses.  I saw a gastroenterologist on Monday and had a mammogram on Wednesday.  I took Paul to the Irish Coffee Pub for his birthday. They make the very best potato soup anywhere.

31 October 2019 (Thu - HALLOWEEN) – I had lunch with my daughter, Gina, on Tuesday.  We went to a place called Tula’s Kitchen.  It’s one of those very eclectic health food restaurants that are popping up all over the country.  The food was quite good.  On Wednesday, I had lunch with my sister, Susan.  We went to another eclectic place called Tiger Lily.  Again, the food was very good.

     We had Angel Fence Company come by and we signed a contract for a fence installation along the back of the property.  This it to replace the fence that was damaged during the thunderstorm that rolled through in August.  I sent the estimate to USAA and they already paid off on it – BEFORE we had the work done. I sent a note reminding them it was an estimate and it could wind up costing more depending on what they find when they do the actual installation.

     I spent over two and half hours on the phone in the last two days with Carbonite.  It is a cloud storage service where they back up our computer to the cloud.  When my computer was reset, we lost the program. It would not reinstall properly and I had to get techs to work on the problem.  Apparently, it wasn’t such an easy fix but they finally got it done.

     Today, Paul and I went to the movies to see “The Current Wars.”  It was about the competition among Nikola Tesla, George Westinghouse, and Thomas Edison.  The movie was very interesting and we would highly recommend it.

27 October 2019 (Sun) – It was a busy week.  I watched Lincoln two days this week so Sam could get some extra time in at work.  He is such a pleasant baby.  Always smiling.  Travis started his new job on Wednesday.  Hope it goes well for him.  Also on Wednesday, we went to the ophthalmologist for eye exams.  Paul and I both tested out at 20/25.  The doctor saw some pressure behind my left eye and wants me back in six months.  I’ll see if I can align an appointment with a Sloan Kettering checkup down the road.

     We went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant with friends from the American Legion on Wednesday.  Then we went to dinner at Carrabba’s on Friday with my brother, Dennis, and his lady, Denise.  We had planned to meet them at their apartment before going to dinner but the plans changed.  Dennis & Denise recently moved into their new place and we still want to see it.

     We took Travis and the family to a pumpkin farm yesterday.  It was a small farm but not very busy considering this is the last weekend before Halloween.  They had a play area with bouncy houses and lots of pumpkins to choose from.  There was also a hay ride and a pony taking kids for a ride.

     We went to church this morning.  It was laity Sunday so the service was run by the lay leader. Several of us took part in the service doing readings and leading prayer.  I gave a five minute sermon.  It was a nice service.

21 October 2019 (Mon) – I went to the audiologist at the Northport VA on the 18th.  The doctor found a mild hearing loss in my right ear and a moderate hearing loss in my left ear.  She said it was unusual to have a greater loss in one ear over the other and that I needed to see a doctor to be sure there was not a medical reason for the difference.  She offered to make an appointment at the VA but said I probably wouldn’t get an appointment for two or three months.  We agreed that I would go to a civilian doctor because I could get an appointment sooner.  In the meantime, she would order one hearing aid for my left ear (she said I don’t need one for the right ear).  She also gave me information to download an app for the hearing aid onto my iPhone.  

     I saw a civilian audiologist yesterday.  He insisted on giving me another hearing test.  The results were more symmetrical and he cleared me for the hearing aid.  He suggested I get aids for both ears; the VA doctor refuses to do that.  If I bought the hearing aids at the civilian audiology office, it would cost me $6,000.  Actually, $3,000.  My insurance would pay $3,000 toward the cost.  If I got the hearing aids at the VA, it will cost me nothing.  Guess what I’m doing?

     Miranda and Kenny went to Philly for the weekend and we watched Caiden. We took him to Rise of the Jack O’Lanterns at Old Westbury Gardens on Friday.  They carve 5,000 pumpkins every week for six weeks.  Visitors walk down a trail lined with thousands of pumpkins on display along the walkway.  Several pumpkins had projections that had them singing Halloween songs.  The craftsmanship was simply amazing!

     On Saturday, we went over to the American Legion Hall where we met Samantha and her mother, Sharon.  Together, we set up tables and arranged everything for Lincoln’s baptism party the next day.  On Sunday, Lincoln Alexander Thomas was baptized.  Afterward, we enjoyed a party at the legion hall.  Lincoln was SO good.  He smiled and laughed all day and then just quietly went to sleep in my arms. Not one little tear or fuss escaped him all day.

16 October 2019 (Weds) – Another visit to the doctor brought mixed results.  The bloodwork continues to show a decrease in the cancer cells.  However, I am having some adverse effects from the chemo.  I have a rash on my leg and a drying out of my fingertips.  Neuropathy and cellulitis are common side effects.  The doctor told me to stop the Imbruvica for 3 days.  If the rash hasn’t improved, stay off the medication for 5 days. If there is still no improvement, I have to go back and have him treat me topically.  I’ve been doing so well that I find this to be something of a disappointment.  The rash has been getting better so that keeps me hopeful.

     My birthday was on Monday (October 14) and Paul took me to the Texas Roadhouse for dinner.  I took a picture with a margarita at an angle that made the drink look very large.  We have kind of developed a reputation with the margaritas and now find we have to post pictures of these drinks.  It’s kind of funny.

     We are still waiting for the guy behind us to take down two trees that threaten our property.  Three fence companies have given us quotes for a new fence but we won’t do anything until those trees are taken down.  A good windstorm will blow them down and damage the new fence.  We’ll have to go over there for a third time to ask them to take down those trees.  I don’t want to get into sending registered letters threatening legal action like the insurance company is suggesting we do.  Paul thinks the neighbor just can’t afford to pay for a tree removal.  Hmmmm,  what to do. What to do?

 13 October 2019 (Sun) - We took Caiden to church with us today. Afterward, Paul worked with a crew to take apart a piano that needed to be thrown out.  Jan has been advertising the piano for free to anyone but no one has claimed it so it was time to just throw it out.  Caiden and I played in the nursery area until they were finished.

     It was not a good day for me.  I woke feeling exhausted and nauseous.  At 3:00 p.m., Paul spelled me for an hour and I took a nap.  That was probably one of the best naps I have ever had. I really needed that!  After I woke, I made dinner then took Caiden into the house and gave him a bath.  

     On Friday, we went to an optometrist for eye exams.  I got annoyed with the whole thing.  The doctor was pushy and it seemed like his equipment was rigged so he could do more tests.  You cover one eye, stare at a red spot, and click a switch every time you see a green light.  Everything went fine with the left eye covered.  But when he covered my right eye, I couldn’t really see the red spot. It was faded and disappeared a lot so I just looked around and clicked on the green lights.  When the doctor came back to the room, I said he couldn’t trust the test because I couldn’t see the red light.  He told me not to worry about it.  That didn’t seem right at all.  When I checked with Paul about his test, he had the same experience.  We said we would wait on glasses and left. We won’t go back to him.  I made an appointment with an ophthalmologist.  

10 October 2019 (Thu) – Paul got the heater fixed.  That’s good because the weather has been cool – in the 40s at night.  

     I had an appointment at the VA today.  It is basically a perfunctory checkup.  The doctor knows I am being treated at Sloan Kettering and really just want a backup with the VA in the event I have trouble getting my medication.  She is a very pleasant doctor and completely understands my motivations.  She did make an appointment for me to see someone in dermatology.  I have a small spot on my bottom lip that I thought was chapped lips.  But it has been there a couple of months and now has started to change color.  My sister was just diagnosed with skin cancer and that made me think I should probably get my lip checked out.

     After the VA, I met my sister, Susan, and her daughter, Shay, for lunch at Tula Kitchen.  It is an eclectic restaurant with vegetarian dishes that are very different.  Susan, her husband, Bill, Shay and her boyfriend, Pat, just returned from a trip to Scandinavia.  Susan’s friend, Ronnie, passed away and left Susan and Bill to handle his affairs. Ronnie’s body was cremated and they took the ashes to Sweden where Ronnie was born.  After Sweden, they went to Norway and Iceland.  It was a great trip.

    Travis lost his job.  He has had such rotten luck with work.  Hope he finds a new one quickly.  They are in the middle of having their mortgage modified and this will certainly have an impact.  Lincoln will be baptized on October 20.  I coordinated with the American Legion Post to have a party there after the christening. The commander initially told me I had to pay $300.  When I told him commanders (past and present) were allowed one free rental a year and a second at half price when I was commander, he relented and will let us use the hall at no charge.  That was very nice of him.  We coordinated times to open the building.

8 October 2019 (Tue) – We took Caiden to church with us on Sunday. It was a pretty busy day with him. His father worked from 10 a.m. to 10:30 p.m.  I gave Caiden his bath, read his books, and sang some songs.  He didn’t want to eat steak for dinner.  When I told him that was it for the night.  He didn’t have to eat it but there wouldn’t be anything else. We then went about eating and quietly watched while he ate his steak and a piece of potato.  It was amusing to watch the quiet surrender.

     Kenny was home on Monday so we did not watch Caiden but we did have them come in for dinner.  We had burgers, fries, and corn.  Caiden ate about half his burger, some fries, and made a token effort at the corn then was done.  I gave him chocolate ice cream for dessert.  That sure pumped him up! The sugar rush kept him running back and forth for an hour.

     Today, Kenny worked from 10 to 4.  Paul and I ran some errands.  I picked Kenny up at 4:15 and Paul got Caiden from the bus.  At 5 p.m., Paul and I went down to the church to help clean up after the yard sale.  There were several pieces of furniture (desks, dressers, couches, loveseats) left over that we had to break up and put in the dumpster.  Several of us turned out for the job and it took just over an hour to get it all done.  

 5 October 2019 (Sat) – We returned to New York on September 30 from the SMART National Muster in Urbanna, VA.  We stopped two nights in Washington, D.C. staying on Joint Base Andrews AFB.  The campground certainly could use some TLC.  Everything is run down and looking worn.  It seems weird that they would let it look like that since the President’s plane is kept there.  You’d think since it was a flagship airfield that they would keep it up better.  Paul thinks the only reason Andrews AFB is kept open is because it’s close to D.C.

     Well, I goofed big time.  I was trying to update our travel journal and I got an error message from the computer.  I inadvertently clicked on a RESET button and the computer reset itself back to its default mode.  All the programs and apps that we have loaded on the computer since we bought it six years ago were wiped off.  The version of Word that I have using (Word 2010) was removed and a docx file replaced it. That updated version would not open the older version.  Ugh. Poor Paul has spent hours reloading all those lost programs.  At least when the computer reset itself, it made a list of all those programs that were removed.  There is a list to follow in reestablishing the programs.

     Miranda is in Maine this week.  We have been driving Kenny back and forth to work and watching Caiden in between work and school.  He is a very energetic little boy!

     The church had a yard sale yesterday.  The weather was beautiful and there were yard sales all over town.  I drove down Brook Street (a small back street that cuts between two main roads) and there were four yard sales on that street alone.  It was a long day.  We went down to the church at 8 am and helped set up, then helped with the fair all day until it ended at 3 pm.  I picked Caiden up at noon and he enjoyed visiting at the fair.  At the end of the fair, all the stuff that didn’t sell went into the dumpster.  It was awful! We were throwing new or barely used items away – CDs, DVDs, glassware, toys, games, electronics, furniture, everything!  It all went into the garbage.  It sure seemed like all that stuff could have gone somewhere.  Oh, well.  

[r1summary]

ACET Application Essay

Note: 

I labored over this. It wasn’t an easy write. 

Writing prompt was: A significant event in your life that changed you and right from the start, I knew I wanted to write about my everyday commute. I knew that it was going to be difficult. I knew that I would spend hours staring at a blank document. I knew it was going to be a lengthy, torturous process. But I most of all, I knew it was gonna be beautiful.

Alas, it was one hell of a writing process. I spent over 5 days writing this 2-page long essay and with it came tears of frustration and disappointment, and lots of staring-at-the-ceiling-wishing-for-words-to-rain-down-upon-you moments. There came a point, about 2 days (a paragraph and a half) after I started when I wanted to drop the whole public transportation thing and just stick to a mediocre essay about getting honors or being top 1 for more than 10 years. But I just had to go on. 

So after 5 days of slowly killing myself, here is my application essay.

I hope this will all be worth it. 

Riza Maree Rapada

Ateneo SHS, G12-GA

Application Essay

“Tahan Na, Tahanan Na”

“Arriving at Araneta Center Cubao Station. Paparating na sa Araneta Center Cubao Station.” The all too familiar recorded voice of the female announcer awakened my spirit from its momentary slumber. I positioned myself near the sliding doors, stretching my back and shoulders that had been hunched over by the weight of my backpack. The train came to a full stop at the station, and as soon as the doors started to open, I shot out onto the platform, like a thoroughbred released from its starting stall at the sound of a pistol, and walked as fast as I could. Within seconds, I was enveloped by a sea of commuters all marching towards the same direction. For a second, I glanced up at the digital clock; 6:30, it said, and I doubled my speed. I headed down the stairs, to the exit gates, and into the Gateway Mall.

Once inside, the coldness of the air conditioning embraced me. It clung on to my back, which was wet with perspiration. I wiped sweat from my forehead, without stopping or even slowing down. My feet automatically carried me through the hall, passing by the same stores that I never actually entered. I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, somehow comforted by the knowledge that, if there were no other people in the establishment, I could navigate this all too familiar path while sleeping. I rode the escalator that leads to the bridge connecting Gateway and Araneta Center. The ground is painted like an actual road, with a divider to separate the people walking towards either of the malls. I picked a random guy a few meters in front of me and willed myself to walk past him before either of us enters Araneta Center. I am no athlete, but I was able to surpass him with ease, the burning sensation on my legs a manifestation of my minuscule success.

I continued my journey through Araneta Center towards the bus station right outside. It had already been dark by the time I arrived. I headed towards the sidewalk filled with commuters, my eyes automatically searching for the unique bird-like design of the particular Malinta Exit bound bus line that would take me home. I was tired, yet I restlessly walked up and down the path, eager to spot my ride home. I did so for around 20 minutes until at last, I saw one approaching. I ran like an Olympic sprinter towards the designated loading spot and was among the first ones to arrive. The incoming bus was evidently full; there were already people standing near the windshield. I was sure of one thing: I wouldn't be getting any rest on the way home. Nevertheless, my heart was filled with gratitude and relief, knowing that I would be reaching the comforts of home soon.

The bus pulled up right in front of me, and I immediately hopped in as the door slid open. The bus was too crowded that the farthest I could go into was beside the driver. It was an even greater struggle because normally, I had the bag compartments to cling on, but this time I almost had nothing to hold on to, except the person beside me and the driver, who was absolutely out of the question. So I just stood as still as I possibly can, considering my heavy bag, the bumpy road of EDSA, and the slight turns of the bus. I could see the red lights on the back of the cars in front of us, and for a little while, I entertained the idea of the bus being hit by another vehicle or losing control of its brakes, and its momentum throwing me off through the windshield and into the dark road. The idea was terrifying, and I said a little prayer to lessen the probability of it happening. But at the same time, the thought of risking one's life and embracing its vulnerability, just for the sake of fulfilling one’s yearning to go home as soon as possible, made me wonder about the powers of desire and commitment. The woman beside me, the people cramped by the door, those right in front of the wind shield and I could have waited a little longer for an uncongested bus. We all knew the danger of being placed in those positions, and yet we still chose to get on, to go home. It was a rather beautiful realization, and I couldn't help but look around and smile at everyone within my field of vision.

I was in that position for the duration of my journey from Cubao to Malinta Exit. I arrived home exhausted, yet fulfilled. My feet and back hurt, my stomach growled in hunger, and my academic and extra-curricular responsibilities—2 long tests, a project due the next day, and class treasurer duties— nag the back of my mind but I was home safe, with my Mom, my Dad, and my little brother, and it was more than I could wish for.

That is every day of my life after school ever since I started my Ateneo SHS education. I ride the LRT, walk across Cubao, and ride a usually crowded bus. Mundane, it may seem, at a glance of the eyes, but if you look a little closer, the littlest details are the ones that make it extraordinary. I braved the unfamiliar place of Cubao alone, just one day after I first ventured it with my friend as a companion. Walking had become too tiring and lonely, so I thought of it as a game, only I am against myself, and there is no one else to compete with but me. I have learned to become vigilant, to be smart enough to protect myself from the dangers of the stranger-filled streets, to adapt to the closest thing that I have to the real world, and to depend on my abilities. In the most uncomfortable and harsh circumstances in my everyday journey, I remain calm, and I find the time to be still and reflect on what is in front of me. Driven by a strong desire to achieve something— to reach home and be with family— I can get through every struggle that passes me by. Going through them all day by day is what changed me, what continues to change me, to turn me into a better and more capable version of myself. As Helen Keller once said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

and now the acet huhuhuhu

[davehodgetts-blog]

The breeze whispered my name. I could also hear the sea calling and the sun waving an invite. The itchy sunburn from previous getaways instantly responded. It temporarily reduced the pain. It convinced me, as if it talked, “You can tolerate more.”

Sipaway Island drone shot

My adventurous self, who knows no restraint when it comes to travel—as long as I have extra budget to splurge—went out to search for another underrated destination. ‘Twas summer anyway!

Sipaway Island beaches and mangove areas

My feet brought me to Sipaway, an island that floats off the coast of San Carlos City in Negros Occidental.

Finding travel information about Sipaway is a bit of a challenge. I could find a decent blog that gives insider information, things to do and travel tips. But still I went to the island to see what it has to offer.

The foot bridge and massage cottages of Whispering Palms Island Resort

I kept my expectations low and was open for possible misadventures.

However, when I was in the island, real fun became reality.

Things to Do or See in Sipaway Island

Ermita Beach

For only 20 pesos, you may enjoy the fine, white strip of Barangay Ermita. The clear shallows is perfect for swimming, especially if you travel with your kids.

The rectangular structure is Barangay Ermita Pier, on its right is Basilia White Beach Resort, and on its left is Ermita’s white strip.

Paraiso De Antonio

The tall palm trees, short white strip, mangrove-clad seascape, and gentle summer breeze work perfectly to give you a relaxing, laid-back stay.

Paraiso De Antonio, Sipaway Island

The overnight camping fee is 150 pesos, while the 30-minute visit for picture taking will cost you 10 pesos.

Mangrove Forest

Sipaway has a wide conglomeration of mangroves. The marine trees paint the beaches green. Foot paths are installed in some areas for you to walk around conveniently.

Sipaway Island Mangrove Forest and Langub Beach

Century-old Balete (Banyan) tree

The century-old Balete tree seat on the school grounds of San Juan Elementary School. The campus was open when I visited over the weekend. There was no guards, and I was able to get in without any issues.

I am not sure how the system works on weekday though.

Whispering Palms Tour

The resort is a destination on its own. If you cannot stay for a night, you can avail the day tour pass for only 200 pesos. However, you cannot access some facilities that are exclusive for overnight guests.

Whispering Palms Island Resort Premises. Stunning!

You can visit the resort’s sanctuary and see some endangered species, such the Visayan warty pig and the Philippine spotted deer.

Stilt cottages of Whispering Palms Island Resort during low tide

The stilt cottages, mangrove park tower, and beach volley are all for free. You can also enjoy kayak, biking for a small fee.

Where to Stay in Sipaway

Whispering Palms Island Resort

I would suggest you stay at Whispering Palms Island Resort. The property is a destination on its own right. The fascinating, tall palms trees around the property makes a stunning backdrop for your photos. The also have two seawater pools. The stilt cabanas and massage huts also offers good vantage points of the ocean.

Top view of Whispering Palms Island Resort

There is mangrove tower within the property as well. It offers a stunning view of Sipaway Island. You can also enjoy both the sunrise and the sunset at the view deck of the tower.

Whispering Palms Island Resort Pool. This saltwater pool is exclusive for overnight guests only.

Bringing is food is not allowed when you stay at their Standard, Deluxe, Family Deluxe, and Bungalow accommodations. The food at their restaurant is a bit pricey though. Meals per person start at 200 pesos.

However, if you stay at their native huts, you are allowed to cook your own food.

Paraiso De Antonio

If you are game for camping, Paraiso De Antonio offers a nice camping ground. You can spend the night there for only 150 pesos per person.

Paraiso De Antonio

Home stays

You may contact the following home stays to book in advance:

Edna Arañez Inn +63 948 525 7335

Basilia White Beach Resort +63 916 461 1742

Yulo Parana Beach (they don’t publish a contact number, you may visit then directly)

How to Get There

The three nearest airports are Bacolod, Dumaguete, and Cebu. Bacolod, however is the closest.

From either Dumaguete or Bacolod, hop on a Ceres Bus to San Carlos City. If you came from Bacolod, make sure sure that you choose a bus with via Don Salvador route. Other routes take much longer.

This is Sipaway Island – just a right mix of viridescence and ultramarine

If you came from Cebu, take van to Toledo City, and then transfer to a ferry to San Carlos City.

If you visit Sipaway after your Manjuyod Sanbar adventure, return to Bais City, and then from the highway, hop on a bus to San Carlos.

If you came from Kansalakan Enchanted River or Hinakpan Mystical Hills, return to Guihulngan City proper, and then wait for a bus to San Carlos City.

Vibrant and colorful Sipaway sunset

From San Carlos City, take a passenger outrigger boat to Sipaway Island. The fare is only 15 pesos. Travel time is less than 15 to 20 minutes. The boat leaves every 15 or 30 minutes, depending on the season, from 06AM to 06PM.

Notes, Tips, and Reminders

Whispering Palms Island Resort provides a stunning venue for your photo shoots.

There’s no ATM in the island. Hotels don’t accept credit cards. Make sure that you bring enough cash. When we visited Sipaway, we stayed at Whispering Palms Island Resort. We booked and pre-paid our accommodation via Agoda.

Though Bacolod is the nearest airport, you can also get to Sipaway via Cebu and Dumaguete.

Areas of interest nearby are Kansalakan Enchanted River and Hinakpan Mystical Hills of Guihulngan, Bojo River and Hermit’s Cove of Aloguinsan, Campo Labo Sandbar (also in San Carlos City), Campalabo Sandbar in Pinamungajan, Mount Kanlaon, Mayana Peak, and many more.

To move around the island, you can rent a motorbike or tricycle depending how many you are in the group. The short, one-way transfer will cost 15 pesos, while the long transfer, say you travel from the northern tip to the southern tip of the island, will cost you 25 pesos.

Cellular signal is decent on the northwestern edge of the island, the section that faces San Carlos City. It is intermittent on the other side.

BE A RESPONSIBLE TRAVELER OR TOURIST. Always remember to internalize and follow the “traveler’s creed”: Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, and kill nothing but time.

For more inspiration, please watch our video

 The post Sipaway Island, Unconcealed but Often Unnoticed: A Travel Guide appeared first on Freedom Wall.

[i-amusemyself]

All of the 'Get to Know Me'.

Aaaah tysm!!!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

(Jokes on you I only usually have 3 songs on repeat at any one time :’-D ) Atm though: Work Song - Hozier, Rats- Miw, Wastelands- Amber Run, Dragula- Rob Zombie, Fireflies- Owl city (yh really), To build a home- The cinematic orchestra.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

I…don’t know. I’m really not that into meeting ‘idols’ or anything. I guess it’d be pretty cool to meet Kaitlyn Alexander but honestly I’m not sure the anxiety would be worth it.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“It’s a body,” I said, “A dead body.” lmao

4: What do you think about most?

I imagine what life is going to be like when I get to uni or who/what it’ll be that finally makes me happy.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Off to stuff my face with chinese food, talk to you later bro”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Clothes on unless it’s above 25 degrees bc I don’t wanna die (like that)

7: What’s your strangest talent?

Lmaooo talent?! Me?! Idk I’m learning how to do special effects makeup and a couple of people have said its p cool. Also I can do this weird thing with my tongue where it basically rolls in on itself (seems to be genetic)

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are all ethereal goddesses out of my league.

Boys are not my area of expertise.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

As if lmao! Ain’t no one ever liked me that much.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I can’t remember so I did it just now to make up for it.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I hate cuddly toys with battery packs in them with a passion.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Nooo

13: What’s your religion?

Don’t have one, I’m an atheist.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Cleaning up my rabbits’ mess.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind it I think

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Honestly it depends on the time of day, when I last ate, the luna cycle… I genuinely don’t have one I can’t answer that

17: What was the last lie you told?

Um, I lied about what I watched on TV last night lmao

18: Do you believe in karma?

I’m not sure, I kinda just hope it exists and that helps keep me sane.

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s pretty self explanatory lmao

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I don’t know, for the weakness I’m torn between caring too much and saying the wrong thing.

And I wouldn’t call it a major strength but I have a lot of patience.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

I don’t know (I barely have an interest in anything atm), given I have an entire fanblog dedicated to them I’ll say Kaitlyn Alexander again

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Nope not yet

23: How do you vent your anger?

I have a personal blog ( @the-emotional-equilibrium​ ) that I rant on

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

I have an embarrassing number of kermit memes on my phone

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Video chatting for sure, I like to be able to see people’s faces (also I hate phone calls they’re too awkward).

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I think I’m a work in progress really. I’m happier with myself than I used to be, but there’s always things I want to change or could improve on and I know I’m never going to be perfect.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of fabric being ripped, it makes me shiver but I love, idk, that sound when you’re just lying outside and you can hear the birds and stuff. Idk, I don’t listen to much besides music.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

Argh, erm, I wonder how different life would have been if I’d learnt to stand up for myself earlier. I’d probably have fewer regrets.

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Ghosts I’m really not sure about. Up until recently I would’ve said no, but honestly I don’t know what to believe anymore. As for aliens they’re definitely real.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right arm: A cushion on the sofa. Left arm: The wall. Exciting right?

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Chicken! (Making lunch atm)

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Lmfaooooo idk???? Not a physical place anyway. When I was really little I once had to stand outside in the snow for about 3 hours and I remember being pretty sure I was gonna die, like it was such a horrible feeling being that cold.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

East coast! I mean, that’s just based on where my friend lives and nothing else but

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Lmfao opposite?! Okay so let’s just assume that means a guy but erm? Idk? Okay I admit I have a slight thing for half the guys in MIW so lets just go with that

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To have the best time possible and end it with minimal regrets. Also to try to help other people to have a better time to.

36: Define Art.

Stuff you can look at that takes actual talent and imagination.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Not really? I mean sometimes I might consider things Unlucky but tbh I have no idea what I mean by that.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

Pretty boring tbh, it’s just a grey sky with a bit of a breeze.

39: What time is it?

2:49 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I passed my test a few months back but I haven’t driven since so thankfully I haven’t had a chance to crash yet

41: What was the last book you read?

The 5 people You Meet in Heaven….and that was last July smh

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Love it. It’s the smell of my childhood.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Most people at school call me Scaz and most my friends outside of school refer to me as Chorlo. (or Wholemeal Chorlo if your name is ellie)

44: What was the last film you saw?

I watched Shrek 2 last night lmfao I forgot how good it was!!

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I’ve broken quite a few bones but I’m lucky never to have done anything awful. Um, the worst was probably when I broke my elbow or when I tore my side open on a nail jumping off a fence.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Aaah yeah I used to catch them every summer!

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

I guess I’m between obsessions at the minute; though I’m kind of hooked on supernatural ngl

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Fuck knows. Not straight. I defo like girls but idk about guys.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Multiple smh. This one girl once spread a rumor I was a lesbian and I was gay for her (before I even came out) and tbh she’d have been lucky. (She was kinda obsessed with me, she was probs suppressing something). It did kinda ruin my confidence though because of all the reactions so I didn’t come out for another 2 years.

50: Do you believe in magic?

I don’t know what to believe anymore, but I’m kind of open to learning more about it.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yeah smh. I have a pretty high Grudge Threshold in that I give people a lot of chances but once they reach that level there’s no going back and I won’t forget what they did.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I either save it for months or blow my savings in an hour.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

A bus ticket?

55: Love or lust?

Love defo

56: In a relationship?

As if lmao

57: How many relationships have you had?

Three, but none of them lasted that long

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

At home all day working

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

I’m sitting on a pink sofa lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yeaaah, one is glittery the other has skulls on which sums me up pretty well tbh

62: What’s your favourite animal?

I love so many animals I don’t know!! Capybaras? Alpacas? Giraffes? Chimps? Idk?!

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Lmaoooo I have no idea I haven’t found it yet

64: Where is your best friend?

3918 miles away on the east coast of the USA (I get to see her in 9 days though I’m so excited!!)

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

(I won’t tag them but in no particular order) Pansexi-unicorn, onetinygay, shrekthelesbian, oneshappyplace and only-slightly-dangerous

66: What is your heritage?

I’m white as a toilet m8. Nah a lot of my family comes from Denmark/scandinavia which you can kind of tell from looking at me tbh

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping. Sorry that’s not more interesting.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

I think it’s like, double barrel as in May-Trump or something

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Maybe..

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Errrm, sort of? I try to make an effort, so that’d be nice. But I’m so quiet and shy sometimes that if I was friends with myself we’d probably never talk lmao

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, no doubt about it. If my boss is that much of a dick I’ll probably lose my job sooner or later, so I might as well lose it helping out a doggo.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I’d tell the people closest to me, but maybe not straight away depending on how I thought they’d react.

b) I’d probably blow my saving and go travelling. I mean, what else is there to do? Oh and finish bingewatching all my shows at that time bc dying on a cliffhanger would really piss me off.

c) Maybe a little? Just because once you die you’re alone with whatever the hell comes after (pun not intended).

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Argh?! Trust? I guess? No point having love if you can’t trust people.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men and Fireflies by Owl City. They both bring on such nostalgia.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6666 as far as the internet is concerned.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Just like, having someone you can chill with and open up to. Someone where you don’t have to care about embarrassing yourself with or worry about constantly because you trust them. Just like, a super cool friendship but with kissing.

77: How can I win your heart?

Don’t be afraid to be yourself I guess. I love interesting people that don’t pretend to be someone else. Also interesting people with swords.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Who am I to answer that? Idk, I suppose yeah.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Cutting off shitty people and actually valuing myself enough to find new friends.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7 (could be a lot worse given my height)

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Something along the lines of “I’m just dormant” or “Nothing is set in stone.”

82: What is your favourite word?

Un sacapuntas

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Break

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“I amuse myself” or “what the fuck”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Alive (i think its called) by Sia

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Black, red and purple

87: What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a galaxy spacey thing

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I’m torn between Putin and Kim Jong Un (no need to worry about Trump, I’m sure someone already has a plan.)

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

The third question in my inbox rn lmao

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

(I was so tempted to say “ask if they prefer being the big or little spoon” why am I like this)

Idk id probs strike up a convo whilst looking around the room for the best weapon just in case.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Hmmm, I think mind reading would be useful but it might make my anxiety even worse! So that or teleportation.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Any half hour when I wasn’t stressed about exams lmao (bonus if the weather was good)

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

A guy did something that I wish he hadn’t and I’m still fucked up by it sooo that.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I honestly don’t know, it’s not something I’ve thought about with “music-celebrities” lmao

Edit: Hold up I’ve just remembered Halsey exists.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

The place I’m going in 9 dayyys!! (Or Copenhagen)

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not that I know of.

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

When I was really little and hopefully never again

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yup a couple of times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

For fucks sake can’t you all just educate yourselves and get along? Stop. Killing. Each. Other.

[pixelatedlenses]

I hope you don't mind me asking the following question

I don’t mind at all, Anon, but understand that this is wholly from A) my workplace as a SHS assistant teacher, B) my view as a foreigner in Japan, and C) based off of conversations with my English-speaking coworkers.

So it’s no secret that working so hard is killing Japanese persons.

In fact, the amount of work that both my students and the staff do leaves everyone wrung out by the end of the day, and on a larger scale, has caused a string of suicides in the city from JHS and SHS students, god rest their souls. This might seem like a grim note to start on, but it’s the reality: overwork kills, though this is not an exclusively Japanese problem as neighbor South Korea is suffering from the same dark situation, as are many countries, including my home of America.

That being said, to give you the quick and dirty, yes, all of my Japanese coworkers work long hours and get home somewhat late.

The more detailed answer: it depends because socio-cultural expectations and personal life don’t always meet.

I should state that my working hours are 8:30 to 4:15. I typically arrive at work at 8 from my 7:47 bus from the station and on Monday and Thursday, purposely stay until about 5:00 - 5:20 for English Club and a Volunteer English Conversation class I run at the school on my own time. Tuesday, I will be commuting for work so I’ll naturally get home later, as I will on Friday. Wednesday is my volunteer work for the prefecture, and Thursday -post eikaiwa- is shamisen lessons until 7.

These are all choices though: I’m using my time in this way because I choose to. Three days out of the week, I pretty much leave somewhere within 15-30 minutes of my formal end of day: I like to talk to students, help clean, and assist with any additional tutoring, lately, for English tests. This is still a choice: often, I’m told I can go by the VPs or other teachers but gladly inform them I don’t mind staying, and usually have a task to help with, or want to assist other teachers.

That being said, my coworkers also make a choice, though they are far more pressured by culture in that choice. That choice is often staying late, most of which don’t like it, but feel they have to do. 

I know that a lot of the teachers, whether they have childern or not, are there before mre though I beat about half the office to work, I’d say. I will add that I’m sure that by 8, the school is dark, and that most of my teachers are home around 7ish: the same time I’m often home by myself. I actually walk with my supervisor, and we keep about the same time table: she arrives with me, and leaves around about 5ish, but she’s a Vice Teacher: she doesn’t have a homeroom, and has less classes than main or core teachers with homeroom responsibilities.

Also the Principal leaves at about 4:30ish to catch the bullet back down south, but that’s the Principal: at the top of the social hierarchy, he has the privilege to also leave at that time, before anyone else. Still, teachers also maintain their own schedules and leave as needed when the bell rings, whether that’s their actual schedule, or paid leave hours.

The most notable exception is test days: often, the room is half full, as teachers will take paid leave. Lord knows teachers deserve a break. Vacations and cultural holidays -such as Golden Week- are also free game: they’re actually rather surprised I’m not taking paid leave during the break between the years. I want to stay to help volunteer to orient the new Freshmen students but will probably take a day to have a three day weekend if possible because I need a break. I am taking Golden Week though: don’t think I’ll be in an office for any of those days.

Fun fact: during Obon, I was one of three people there I’m sure they only came in because I had to be at school, but most of the day was spent on the phone, yahoo news, or sleeping on my coworker’s end. Now, I try to match my breaks with everyone else’s to avoid 8 hours of boredom if it’s not necessary.

There’s not a good or bad answer to this: there’s just the reality that every situation is different, and that as a foreigner, I’m not held to the same standard. Just know that Japanese people are people, and often, Japan is a culture that operates by rules, but doesn’t necessarily feel that rule. What I mean is that people don’t always like something, but are culturally bound to a performance of things. A lot of my coworkers would much rather be out living their lives once work is done and will be open about that: they’re people after all and want to keep living outside their job.

I hope this helped give you a bit of insight. Please feel comfortable to come and visit my inbox again. I positively love it! Thanks much, and happy Sunday!

[hankeverythingwillbefine]

Thrashed, Lost, and Found

Day 7 hurt as much as every day has. It still started out with a forceful morning workout, my cousin has asked me a couple of times if I’d go with her to her gym in the afternoon but working out is something I have to do alone. I know she can do her routine and I can do mine but even the commute needs to be a separate thing. I was dragged to church, even though it’s Catholic I went and listened to what the priest had to say. I kept getting lost in thought and spent time admiring the architectural brilliance of the church. I wanted to go out by myself, I thought it’s time to shave the beard and needed razors (maybe it was just the only excuse I had). I took the bus and we were robbed, even though I was scared I was still aware of how dangerous the state has become thanks to increasing foreign migration. I don’t mean to sound xenophobic and I’m not even blaming the South American migrants, I’m blaming the people that come from other states to those that had stable security in their endless turf wars or those from the capital that have become so wanted by their local enforcement agencies to flee and do what they’re doing here. Anyhow, this short guy in his mid 20′s comes into the bus and asks to hold on a moment before paying. The bus starts moving at this point because the buses are in a hurry. It’s not too packed which is great for my anxiety and I’m looking out the window because I’m a melancholic fuck that needs serotonin and sunlight helps with that. I see some people in front of me shuffle suddenly and it made me startle and grasp the situation... hey we’re getting robbed. I didn’t notice the guy in the back with the backpack collecting money, phones and jewelry until it was my turn. As confident I am of my self-defense abilities, I’m no match for a guy with a gun. My anxiety manifested in a form of angry annoyance instead of fear. I gave them my broken iphone (which thankfully I only took the spare one that I use as an ipod but also has whatsapp installed and all of my contacts... it’s too long a story to explain now), my wallet with an estimated equivalent of $10 dollars and my wired headphones. I could tell that backpack guy was somewhat disappointed in everything they gathered but what do you expect on a Sunday afternoon in a half empty bus that’s going AWAY from the capital. I applaud your efforts, you sad elementary school dropout but thieving doesn’t give participation trophies or a pat on the back (unless you’re a prison bitch, then I guess it’s more than pats on the back). They quickly pointed the gun at the driver and made him pull over by an empty lot, my mind went to “we’re getting executed” which made me angrier. The one that gets to kill me is ME, that much has always been decided and I don’t even mean that in a suicidal way. If I die because of a mistake I made or an action I knowingly took that sent me to my demise, I’d be okay with that. My point is, they ran away and I wanted to go after them but getting shot is not in my to do list. The bus driver had radioed someone to call the police, they came in what felt like 10 minutes-ish and a forever for their police reports. I told them everything I saw, I gave them all my necessary information and details of the items that were stolen. I didn’t see much point in cooperating since the police are famous for being useless in this country and the four that arrived reeked of incompetence and Sunday laziness. I walked back home after that, it was a 30 minute walk... always has been. I realized I took 2 and a half hours between all of that when I got home. I told my mother I went for a walk and got distracted, went to my room and that’s when everything started sinking in. I grew up in a dangerous neighborhood no matter where I lived, having a gun pointed at was something that’s never going to stop being terrifying but the impact lessens over time. After some time of empty staring, I got the phone my father sent a year ago and activated that one, it has less memory and all I really need is music but it’s the thought that counts. I saw a couple of messages from you asking if I’m there and looks like you wanted to talk. I told you I got robbed, you didn’t believe me but this isn’t one of those things to lie about. There’s nothing impressive about getting robbed at gunpoint. My anxiety didn’t go off the rails despite the lack of Xanax in my system, it was a strange feeling and did not know how to rationalize it. I tried to pass it off as being okay, talking to you makes everything easier. You told me you’re redoing the house and talking about your self-worth. Telling me to tell my therapist how strong you are and how beautiful you are and how you’ve shouldered everything for the past year. How fucking dare you, of course I have but I’ve also talked about how controlling you’ve been and the thing I don’t want to do is go from patient to psychologist trying to compare results based on notes and observations about you. Therapy is where I make me about me, it’s step one on a healthy dose of selfishness. So we talked about how you’re Marie Kondoing and suggested I do the same, I told you that I’m not in a head space where assessing joy is a good idea. We talked about how we both need the man I used to be, how tired you are and the things you deserve. I mentioned that my stepdad finally got himself together and I was very surprised, these past 10 years haven’t been very kind to us and he got lazy and complacent and irresponsible. After having been dumped by my mom was when he went back to being hardworking and providing for her and my brother. He’s been incredibly supportive of whatever this thing I’m going through is. We spoke in a way that can only be described like we needed to cheer each other on, and then another “I don’t believe you got robbed” stab. As much as I would like your support yet not seeking it because I’m respecting your space, I really don’t need your doubt. I told you I was looking forward to our monthly in-person meet, which you forgot and it hurt. That was probably the most crushing moment of our whole conversation but powered through it. Sometimes I think I should just divorce you because you’re too much of a coward to ask for it because that is what you really want and I want to work on this but won’t get the chance to get there. We had a nice conversation and cut it short, sleep was calling to me. I woke up late at night and saw that you texted again, I don’t know if you were battling with loneliness again and wanted to talk to me. A part of me wants to tell you to fuck off and seek solace in the Facebook friends you arduously ignored me for but I think you’re doing that and it’s not working as well as you’d hoped. I think we’re both fighting that codependency we have for each other, leading to struggles with our own loneliness. I can’t really speak for you and can only assume. I just told you I went for my late night drink of water. We texted a little on Day 8, sent you a funny ad I got on a website while working. I’m still worried that you’re not eating well and haven’t found someone to pay to cook for you or deliver a healthy meal to you. I spent all of Day 8 hating myself out loud because I had the house to myself and trying not to text you. I also spent it playing GTA 5 and watching how Michael lost his family and is slowly getting them back in their own organically dysfunctional way while having Chicago’s “if you leave me now” playing on the radio station of the car he got in. Rockstar, you’re not fair to me right now. After so many years and changing availability, I still haven’t finished the game but it’s hitting so many sore spots for me right now. Great job, me, you’ve replaced your dependency from Xanax to video games and enjoy neither. I’ve helped my stepdad clean his car during the weekend, Hank sees me near the car and he behaves like we’re going back home. He scratches my leg, getting permission to get in but doesn’t see that it’s just to clean it and not to make a 2 hour trip back to a place we thought everyone was happy in. You sent me a philosophical quote about healing, I looked it up and thanked you for it. I went on to spend my night playing mindlessly, reading on and off about endogenous depression because I stumbled upon a paper I was reading about it in my closet here. Grad school B paper, no easy feat. I spent my night torturing myself internally. Weening off Xanax to help me sleep has not been kind, I’m down to a quarter a day again.

Day 9. I’m proud of myself for not reactivating my Facebook to stalk you since Friday-ish or Thursday. I needed one of the links I had saved and checked your posts since I was already there. Still, I need to stop. I’m getting everything out in a public way while maintaining myself anonymous and you’re getting everything out in a more “everybody, this marriage has been so shitty despite having my husband change jobs and work outside the house in order to pay for everything”. Yes you did the housewife thing and you did it great, I just needed you great and not a clean house or a highly elaborate meal but that’s what I came home to and a wife that had just enough energy to kinda eat. Your mother and my father did come to our rescue one too many times before we got married and while I started my new job. When you said you were told about Stratus, I encouraged you and said I wanted you happy but whatever floats your boat. Day 9 is just starting with sarcastic clients and a very annoyed me. If parting is such sweet sorrow, I don’t have many assets but I’m still meeting an attorney this Friday to set up a will. Just in case.

[fieldexperiencepro-blog]

Interview - In person

CE: How do you arrange your classroom seating to effectively compliment your lesson plan?

KF: We have new desks, we went under renovation like a year and a half ago, and we got these new desks which are very challenging to work with because they’re these really weird shapes. So I used to do rows, or a “U”, or all kinds of different arrangements throughout the year but the only thing that works with these desks are table groups. I have 21 kids this year instead of 30 that I had last year, so I have a lot more space this year where I am actually able to have a morning meeting area. I have kids groups that are very close to the front and I tend to put the kids who don’t need a lot of support in the every front, so that the kids who do need more of behavioral reminders are back here near me, and I teach from both places. I’ll teach back here from the carpet, we’ll use the board that’s over here, or we’ll go up front if we’re projecting something or teaching something from up there, so it really varies to where we’re going.

CE: What are some of your favorite classroom management strategies?

KF: I think having some overall signal for how to get their attention is important. There’s lots of different ways, I had a team mate a few years ago who used to say “who-dy-who?” and his class would have to call out “what-what!” So, uhm, we do “class-class” and they repeat “yes-yes!” or if its “classsss” they say “yesss” uhm or a lot of times I do “clap once if you can hear me” and “clap twice if youre listening” so I think that’s really important. The school does the silent hand-raising signal, but I prefer something that’s a little bit more vocal so that they can hear, and then you know if you’re having conversations with kids that need redirection kinds of stuff we do a lot of walking into the hallway to have those kinds of conversations quietly instead of in front of other kids.

CE: How do you format/accessorize the classroom in a way that facilitates the learning of all students?

KF: So I think that because I teach from multiple different places its really helpful. We also have the roger system, the microphone, is really helpful because of that sound field that makes it so that everyone can hear no matter what. I try to do as much teaching as I can when we’re all together clustered down here so we can use the board and be close together because when they are at their desk there are a lot of them that are away from the board, so it is nice to have them close together. Then you know just trying to arrange the rest of the furniture so that things are accessible to the kids. I’ve made the supplies in a place that they can easily get to them, I redid all of out computers because we had a computer cart that was just the biggest pain ever, so I came up with a new way to do that so that its much more efficient for the kids, so just making the things they use everyday really accessible to them. 

CE: How do you manage student conduct?

KF: Well it begins at the beginning of the year with just setting extremely high expectations, and then you know practicing things, practicing what its supposed to look like, practicing what its supposed to sound like when we get in line, when we travel, and transition and just constantly having extremely high expectations of their behavior and reminding them when their not doing that.

CE: What is the most unexpected thing that has happened in your class and how did you handle the situation?

KF: I have had students that have had behavioral issues where they’ve thrown things, tipped over desks, things like that. I had a really sweet special needs student who was very close to my personal area once, so I think it all depends on the situation. In that case I had to redirect him to take a look at what we’re doing right here. In the case of the student who was throwing things, and in a place where he couldn’t quite control himself, it was getting everybody else out of the classroom and then finding the support for him that he needed.

CE: What are some of the most difficult aspects of planning and delivering an effective lesson?

KF: I think the hardest part is the amount of content we have to teach. We’re constantly talking about how much we have to shove at them, and the fact that we don’t have a lot of time to really go in depth with a lot of things. So I think timing is a big piece of it and even as much as we love our extra planning time with Spanish and steam, it’s really hard cause we miss that much more time for social studies and science so I think time is the biggest problem.

CE: How far in advance do you plan your lesson and what strategies do use to make them effective?

KF: I plan with my team almost every day, we like to plan a week or two out. Sometimes it’s just kind of an outline of you know here’s where we’re gonna go, even map out for the remainder of the quarter. Here are the different things we need to teach in math, you know, what’s that gonna look like over the various weeks, but we’re usually well planned out with lessons ahead of time of what we’re planning on doing. At least 3 or 4 days, and have a good plan of where were going for them during the month and during the quarter.

CE: How does your first lesson plan compare to your planning skills now?

KF: Well its dramatically different. When I started here, it was after thanksgiving, and I was the forth teacher in their classroom. I had just finished my student teaching, so looking at that, and I was in a wing of the school all the way over there, and my team mate was here, and my other team mate was outside in a trailer, it was really difficult. I think it was a lot of work sheets and things like that and so much about teaching has changed in the 12 years that I have been doing this that its dramatically different now. We try to do a lot more hands on experiences, we do a lot more things that involve movement, interactive read aloud, so I think we’ve gone from very worksheet things to problem based learning types of activities.

CE: How do you evaluate the effectiveness of your lesson at the end of the lesson?

KF: I do a lot of check ins to see where the kids are. I’ll do a zero to five where are you; zero im lost in the woods, I have no idea what you said, somebody come rescue me. Five I totally get this, I could absolutely do this independently, or somewhere in between. So I do a lot of that so that they can self reflect and we’ll do a lot of exit tickets as well to just kind of quickly check your knowledge. Did you pay attention? Did you hear the things that we were saying? If you walk away and nobody did well on that then you have to evaluate. It’s a combination of did you not hear me well or was that something that I did wrong and that we need to revisit this together.

CE: Have you had to revisit?

KF: Absolutely!

CE: What do you do when only a few students are struggling with the subject?

KF: We are fortunate enough to have something called jump-start time here where it’s a remediation and enrichment block. So its thirty minutes a day and we can use that time to pull those few students who are struggling with something. Another thing we do is if we’ve gone to the lesson part and we’re doing something independently, I’ll take those kids who are struggling to the table and we’ll do a small group review of whatever the concept was that they were having a hard time with.             

CE: How often do you assign homework and how often to you typically assign?

KF: So we had a big debate about homework at the beginning of the year because there is all this research coming out that’s saying that homework isn’t effective and it’s a waste of time. My team mate felt very strongly that practicing math homework at home is really valuable, so we’ve revamped homework quite a bit. Three years ago we were giving homework every single night so it was a math review of whatever we did in class that day, everyday, and 20 minutes of reading. Then last year we went to where they got homework on a Monday it was turned back in on a Friday, and it was reviewing the concepts of the week. Then this year we’re reviewing the concepts previously taught so we’re sending something home on Monday its returned to school on Friday and its review of math concepts we taught the week before, so that way they’re not practiving a new skill but something we had a lot of time looking at, but its usually 10-15 math problems. It’s not a lot then their supposed to read 20 minutes every night. 

CE: What is your favorite activity to do in order to encourage student engagement?

KF: So I think it depends on what’s happening. If I notice that a lot of kids are kind of zoned out it might be “alright kids stand up” we’re gonna move around a bit, we’re gonna stretch, were gonna do whatever. We’ve done little ice-breaker things where we put on music and do the bus driver kind of thing so one person is the middle doing something, and the others behind them have to follow along. So some times we break it up like that, other times you know it’s moving along, and sometimes it just a few students so a gentle reminder of lets you know refocus our attention on what we’re doing. I have one kid who can’t stop moving all day long. so I grabbed him a wiggle stool so that he can move about in his seat.