#my brain two years on hiveswap

[snowwoofxd]

(individual ones under the cut)

[c4ndl3-w1ck]

hi there. mentally ill guy here.

i think putting a blanket statement over a ship and saying anyone who ships it supports pedophila and incest is fucking insane.

let me tackle this one by one.

the camera thing. is it ever mentioned that xefros doesnt know about them heck? is it even mentioned that that's an actual thing dammek did?

and if it is, here comes my next point.

Borderline Personality Disorder Part one, Psychosis

yeah bet you didnt see that coming.

BPD is a personality disorder caused by trauma. living in constant fear for your life, surprise surprise, causes trauma.

"but dude you cant get diganosed with BPD until you're an adult"

AHA! thats where you're wrong. Teens can in fact be diagnosed with BPD.[1] Dammek is soon to be 7 sweeps old, which is 15 and 2 months. This leaves him most likely around 14-15 years old. (yeah hey maybe we should put a pin in that, yeah?)

Now we get to the part with the cameras. Why the fuck would a heavily traumatized teenager who fears for his life have cameras in the room of the person he's the closest with.

No no no, don't give me "oh hes a creep" use your fucking brain for once. be rational.

The answer is psychosis.

Psychosis is defined as a mental condition that causes hallucinations and delusions. It's a symptom of many mental illnesses, including BPD.

"Both auditory hallucinations and delusional ideation (especially paranoid delusions) are relatively common in individuals with BPD."[2]

As someone who experiences paranoid delusions on the regular, so does dammek. that is why he has so many security measures in his hive. that is why he has cameras in both his and xefros's hives. that is why he has a godforsaken apocalypse shelter.

Because when you have paranoid delusions telling you that either you or someone you care about so fucking much is going to die, that shit fucks with you. it fucks with you hard. so him having cameras in xefros's room, though weird, is most likely put there so his psychosis doesnt get worse. so that he can tell himself that xefros is alive.

Part two, Autism

now, for this part, i struggled to find up to date articles on the overlap of BPD and ASD, so most of this will be based off of my own experience as someone within that overlap.

"Stealing his belongings, manipulating him into submissive roles (while also insulting him), and being a big source of his immense anxiety and low self esteem, are signs of a abusive relationship."

Hey. Buddy. Puts a hand on your shoulder. Hey those first two and a half things? How do I put this. Those are symptoms. Those are symptoms, and judging from Dammek's character, they are not intentional.

because yeah this kid wakes up every night and rubs his hands together going i cant wait to be an abusive piece of shit to the one person who loves me on this horrible planet.

Does this stop his from being a big source of Xefros's insecurities? No. It doesn't. But just like every other horrible homestuck relationship (dirkjake, karezi, actually scratch dirkjake the entirety of the alpha kids, damara and rufioh, eridan with fef and vriska, me and my ex {just kidding}) these motherfuckers refuse to talk about their emotions.

LA PIECE DE RESISTANCE: THESE BITCHES ARE KIDS

Wow look at that are you looking. Yeah I said we'd put a pin in that.

Dammek and Xefros are at least 14 years old, turning 15. (Same as joey, hiveswap takes place on nov 11, her birthday is january 1st.)

They are still growing and changing as people. They are not going to be fucking perfect. Have you met a teenager. They are insane. They are fucking crazy. And they are chock-full of hormones.

Dammek is stated to be going through his "rites of maturation" soon. This is implied to be a form of troll puberty. Probably some cocoon shit cause trolls are bugs.

tl;dr. what the fuck is wrong with you xefros and dammek are just hormonal teenage boys with mental illness as a result of trauma

i could have worded this better but honestly who give a shit

[1] Healthline, BPD in Teenagers - Written by Traci Pedersen, edited by Kelly Morrell, medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD, copy edited by Naomi Farr

[2] D'Agostino, A., Rossi Monti, M., & Starcevic, V. (2019). Psychotic symptoms in borderline personality disorder: an update

Reminder that Xefmek / Xefdam is abusive. Anyone who supports this ship is supporting proship, and romanticizing abuse.

It shouldn't have to be explained with how obvious it is but putting cameras in someone's house (especially in places as intimate as a bedroom area) is a violation of someones privacy. This is not a relationship that can work out even if Dammek gets better, because the trauma inflicted on Xefros is already so severe. (e.g. If Xefros finds out for several years of his life he has never had privacy in his bedroom but rather has been constantly recorded, I imagine the thought would make him feel nauseated, dizzy, and be paranoid for much of the rest of his life wondering if someone he trusts is violating him again and he doesn't know it.)

Stealing his belongings, manipulating him into submissive roles (while also insulting him), and being a big source of his immense anxiety and low self esteem, are signs of a abusive relationship.

If you support this you are a proshipper.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

I have a homestuck question (deepest apologies). I once read it for my ex gf in middle school (breakup unrealated she just moved) (mentioning this because I have heard of homestuck related breakups). I liked it. I never was in the fandom. But I hear everyone going homestuck fandom (derogatory) (cringe) (war flashbacks). My question is was it worse than the spop discourse?

The maybe 2 years of spop discourse, which amounts to "catradora bad", "entrapdak bad", and a little bit of "glimmer bad", is absolutely nothing compared to the 10 YEARS of whatever the fuck was going on in homestuck.

EDIT: this isn't a list of "things I think Hussie did wrong" (the majority of it was at worst questionable writing which isn't a sin), it's "things the fandom completely imploded under".

(Hussie HAS done many things wrong, particularly with Hiveswap and WhatPumpkin, but i have not mentioned most of that here)

Brace yourself......

IN UNIVERSE:

Actual slurs and questionable racism in the source content wherein people argued if it was OK or not

Author responds to criticism of this by basing an entire arc on the characters getting high on drugs and having caucasian skin, which is a trolling moment because they had "ambiguous" blank skin before and people argued if that meant the characters werent caucasian

Troll boob discourse

Vriska Serket bullying and eventually murdering a boy she herself crippled

Vriska x Terezi - this universe's CatrAdora, except if Adora forgave Catra before she had decided to stop being a terrible person. Vriska stops hurting Terezi personally but in really it's a SW situation of "shes manipulative of terezi's feelings and is not sorry at all".

Vriska x Meenah - A 13 year old + whatever many years dead person starts dating a 19 year old + whatever many years dead person. For maybe half a chapter before the younger ghost is left for her living 16-year old self. When the two ghosts made out Hussie declared it as.....

"A gay singilarity that will make KorraSami look like republican propoganda". Yeah. Hussie really said this about Homestuck. Before he split up that same pairing and made the alienating transphobic nightmarescape that was the epilogues and HS2.

Dave/Karkat - sincerely one of the better choices Hussie made, and yet, i have never seen anything so aggressively labelled as "gay pandering" by a cishet male fanbase. Best mlm ship i know unfortunately.

GamRezi - this is a canonically abusive pairing where Gamzee emotionally abuses Terezi at her most vulnerable to breaking point. Ends with Terezi trying to kill Gamzee, freaking out at her actions, and Gamzee beating her half to death in broad daylight, before they all die anyway. Why is this controversial? Because......

Gamzee brain washing - there is reason to believe that Gamzee was under a bit of mind control and a LOT of religious influence, so half the fan base treated him like a poor little meow meow, victim to Terezi and then Vriska's abuse, while the other half wanted his head on a stick for abusing/killing characters. Sound familiar?

The retcon - so yeah the story unwrote a whole 2-3 years worth of character progression because of time travel shenanigans and replaced it with a single clipshow flash and a bit of dialogue. People who enjoyed the previous felt bamboozled and copped out.

The End of Homestuck - Lots of talking, then suddenly everyone stops talking completely between the final battle and the ending. The final battle flash was a bit cool, but lacked the substance of other much shorter flashes. Then Act 7 is a 9 minute video of a tadpole making a universe, we didn't see the final bliw get delivered to Lord English, and also.....

Terezi wasn't in the new universe so I bawled my eyes out and made "Where the fuck is Terezi?" into a meme. By and large the most infuriating part because people jumped to the conclusion she killed herself. It's like the whole "PB is dead in Together Again" theory. Or if in She-Ra, a very lonely and fan-favourite character like Entrapta had just vanished after Prime was dragging her over a cliff and was cast out of those much-needed ending reunions. Anyway, Terezi wanted to be with Vriska, who may have died in act 7. So yeah this weird omission became a problem for 6 months before....

The credits. Ok these were mostly OK but it confirmed John was getting depressed, and Terezi threw happiness away and went into space all by herself to find Vriska who was still MIA. This was where HS ended until....

The Epilogues. The Epilogues and HS2 are the biggest shitstorm of content I have seen in my life. And that alone has had enough discourse to make the prior 10 years of Homestuck look like a friendly conversation.

That's just IN UNIVERSE. You want to hear the CREATOR discourse? Try opening that rabbit hole!

Just look at Sarah Z's video, "Homestuck Tried To Sue Me And Then It Got Worse", to see what sort of creator Andrew Hussie has become.

https://youtu.be/gsM9bQvpt_c

[lime-bloods]

returned to the roots of my url the other day and discussed at length with @mmmmalo some of the myths and potential significance of the lime bloods...

while I'm still not convinced by the conventional arguments for lime karkat theory, the worldbuilding part of my brain in particular has always been caught by this idea that the lime bloods sit in a sort of middle ground between lowbloods and higher bloods that makes them the most "like humans". andrew's commentary on the lifespans of the castes in particular seems to point at the sweet spot between gold and olive having the lifespan closest to that of a human:

Red through yellow probably having such a range [similar to a human's], and then climbing through the greens is where it begins escalating beyond the century mark. [...] The lowest caste or two may have a lifespan shorter than a human’s.

with rust bloods expected to survive "a dozen or two sweeps", this puts a hypothetical caste between gold and olive firmly in the 26-52-to-100 year range. so if we were to say that Karkat's biology did align with a troll in that blood colour range, it wouldn't be too out there to suggest that in addition to being one of the more "human-like" trolls, his biology would also be the most similar to that of a human's.

this is all old speculation, though... what I started to consider while we pondered the significance of Calliope's exposition was that if the lime bloods as a caste might be intended as a stand-in for humanity as a race? the history of b2 Earth seems to map closely to that of Alternia to the point where each of them can be used to enlighten the reader on aspects of the other; ICP's rise to power for example sheds light on the Condesce's habit of delegating responsibility to subordinates first touched upon in Scratch's exposition. so when Calliope mentions the lime caste being hunted to extinction just around a hundred pages after Dirk tells us that Meenah drove the human race into the ground, it seems reasonable to assume the things she says about the plight of the lime bloods should also be taken as indicative of events on Earth - it's her own home planet after all.

Calliope's speculation that "their extermination had to do with the extremely powerfUl abilities they tended to have, and the threat to aUthority they represented" seems easy enough to apply to humanity; humans after all are immune to troll mind control, and Dirk and Roxy had the sort of powers that would threaten and ultimately overthrow their alien tyrant. but knowing that Roxy was actually essential to the Condesce's plan to resurrect her race, it seems that the Condesce never actually intended to fully extinguish humanity. so if we apply this backwards, perhaps it suggests that the Condesce might have left some lime bloods alive for her own purposes?

schools of thought obviously diverge here... if we take it at face value that the lime blood mystery is something for Hiveswap to explain then that's where the trail ends. if we were to presume, though, that Karkat fit into this lime category, I suppose it would indicate that Karkat's survival was thanks to deliberate support from the system behind the scenes... the Signless and Dirk and Roxy's ancestors certainly share similar roles as revolutionaries who tried to set the scene for their descendants to take after them, and I've drawn the symbolic bow between the two groups before. and if Meenah foresaw Kanaya's arrival and participation in the grand plan, it's not too far-fetched to think Karkat's involvement was anticipated too? it would also add a layer to be read into the working relationship between Karkat and the pre-scratch Meenah... and also bring us back to the curiosity malo brought to my attention that started the conversation:

KARKAT: HOW MUCH BULLSHIT IS IT THAT WE'RE PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY TWO ASSHOLES LEFT WHO CAN'T FLY?! KANAYA: It Really Is Such Bullshit

Kanaya's jade caste are never meant to leave the planet, ostensibly to live out their lives taking care of the mother grub, but plausibly also because the Condesce had particular plan in mind for Kanaya... by this same token, when Karkat spills the beans that only extraneous circumstances would ever allow him to ascend to the ranks of threshecutioner:

[...] IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO MAKE THE CUT, BECAUSE OF MY BLOOD. SO I USED TO THINK OF ALL THESE ELABORATE SCENARIOS TO HIDE MY BLOOD COLOR. OR IN THE MORE RIDICULOUS FANTASIES, MAYBE I COULD EVEN PROVE MY WORTH AS A SOLDIER? LIKE JUST BE SO AWESOME WITH A SICKLE, THEY WOULD JUST HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION. MAYBE EVEN BE LIKE A FOLK HERO AND RISE THROUGH THE RANKS TO BECOME THE LEADER. HAHA.

[...]

AS THE NEW EMPRESS, YOU HAVE TO APPOINT ME AS GRAND THRESHECUTIONER OF YOUR ARMY. DO WE HAVE A DEAL? oh yes yes you got it yessss

it could be read as implying these are not only the only circumstances by which Karkat could ever ascend to an adult Alternian warrior, but also those intended for him to take?

[blazehedgehog]

Are you a Monkey Island fan?

You know that meme that's like

I guess that's how I am with Monkey Island. I'm pretty sure I own almost all of the games on some platform or another but I've never booted them up.

The issue is that probably like 15 years ago at this point, my cousin and I got in to streaming Telltale's first Sam & Max season to each other over Xfire. That kind of co-op was really fun and we swore to keep going and never did.

So even though I own a lot of classic, legendary adventure games now, there's this sense in my brain that I need to "wait and do something with them." Do what? I never filled in that part.

Stream them? To an audience? Co-op with one other person is fun, co-op with 20-30 other people might not be.

And now I'm an adult, and all my friends are adults, so coordinating a play-together session is difficult. I mean, heck, I'll straight up say it: my cousin and I started doing a Max Payne 2 Let's Play like 14 months ago. We got halfway through recording, took a break, and life got in the way and we haven't gone back to it.

Maybe, now that my discord has like a dozen people in it, I could stream adventure games in there for the patreon people. That would keep it feeling personal and let individuals influence choices.

Or maybe I could just finally play Monkey Island for myself. And Sam & Max Hit the Road. And the other two seasons of Telltale Sam & Max. And Fate of Atlantis. And Beneath a Steel Sky. And Tales of Monkey Island. And Bone. And Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People. And Loom. And Broken Age. And Bad Mojo. And Phantasmagoria. And Day of the Tentacle. And Grim Fandango. And Full Throttle. And Hector. And Kathy Rain. And Machinarium. And Puzzle Agent. And Police Quest. And Space Quest. And King's Quest. And Tex Murphy. And Hiveswap-- wait, no, maybe not that last one.

[gaywario420]

it's kinda funny how I've been surviving on the same two hyperfixations (dhmis and hiveswap) over the last 6 years, and have suddenly, within approximately the same month, gotten into the muppets, bugsnax, palaeontology, rhythm heaven, hylics, AND got a new dhmis trailer. simply overwhelming. my brain is going through a renaissance as we speak!

[fictionkinfessions]

MPC, I'm really, really bored. Can you tell me about your week or something? I hope you've been keeping safe. - 🍬👿

Ok bestie, so.... ! This week

sunday: made latkes, beef stew with extra beans [because *bursts into tears* I burned my rice], and roasted brussel sprouts for the week. Stayed up way late watching movies on zoom with friends. [@ horror fans, watch The Wailing 2016. It's amazing. Ghost story. Kinda fucked up. Do check content warnings for it. Scary!! I might've slept with the ceiling light on, don't tell my friends, they think I'm brave xd]

monday: accidentally finished 'my time in portia'? I liked the conclusion, don't recommend exchanging money on account on some gross things in it. Nothing like Stardew valley tho, so don't buy it on that account. I installed thumbleweed park because it kinda looked interesting? Idk what else to play. Most of my games are those freebies from epic game store or things I bought on steam sales. Wait I have hiveswap and Night in the Woods, I should probably play them! I'm not sure what my laptop can handle. Alien isolation was very laggy and upset my poor compoopter :/ Fighting type games is hard without a dedicated controller. Also made cinnamon rolls!!!! With too much icing, which I drank the excess of... don't judge me <3

tuesday and wednesday: I finally got around to reading my stash of Neon Yang, Aliette de Bodard, and Oyinkan Braithwaite. Oh my god everyone should read 'My Sister the serial killer'. I loved the ending. Wow. I’m hoping to read 100 books this year! So far I’ve read 61! A lot were shorter novels but whatever, it’s the fact that I’m reading that is important! My brain feels so expansive and moisturized! Though it deflates when Storygraph says I have over 1000 books left to read. Well! I’ll get there! I also had a picnic in an open field with some friends which was nice. I miss looking at people?? Friendly people I mean, not customers. We didn't have to wear masks since the wind blew in a steady direction, but we still sat apart just in case. :| Kinda like frogs on a log lollerskates! [See we are totally keeping safe! Thank you for thinking of us!!! <3]

Cinnamon rolls didn't last long with me and my room mates, so I made two pound cakes with bananas and poppy seeds. I was going to make puto ube but my bananas looked accursed and afflicted, and on the brink of being a Darkest Dungeon character lollerskates

Thursday: you are here. welcome! We made green onion and sour creamed savory pancakes! Mostly because I ate all the latke and still had a bowl of green onions and sour cream left :v I finished Wicked Fox by Kat Cho, which was fun but kinda below my reading level though. I spent two hours cleaning the inbox

friday: probably after work grocery shopping :/ I've run out of some spices and will have to turn in my PoC card if I don't restock asap lollerskates I'm going to make pancit but I'm not sure what vegetables I'll make. Maybe steamed brocolli. Though I do love a roasted carrot and mushrooms. WAIT I have chickpeas I could toast for snacking too!! Idk, I'll think about this at work tomorrow!

I hope you have a happy friday, if fridays are ever kind to you! May you eat many toasted crunchy chickpeas!

Mod Party Cat!

[mtjester]

I have finally finished both the meat and candy routes of the epilogue. Full(-ish) thoughts are under the cut, but for the tl;dr crowd: I honestly enjoyed myself, and I’m excited to read more.

First off, and to be totally clear, I am not trying to dismiss anyone’s particular emotional response to the epilogue. I am not here to say, “No, your emotions are not valid.” I’m making my observations just as subjectively as anyone else. So, thoughts:

I believe the epilogue’s main folly, perhaps the main reason it’s not going over well, is that it by nature may only appeal to a fraction of the original audience of Homestuck. 

Homestuck’s original audience was vast, and the interests of the people who read Homestuck are varied. It’s hard to prove whether this is true or not, but it seems that a large, perhaps the largest, chunk of the original Homestuck fandom was interested in character. This epilogue, for that group, is not likely going to be satisfying. The epilogue seems to appeal much more strongly to the section of the fandom interested not only in character but in the overarching themes/conflicts/medium/metafiction of the story. 

The other issue is the density of the epilogue’s existential and metafiction discussions. The level of reading comprehension necessary to not only wade through but also appreciate some of these details is somewhat ridiculous. That’s not out of line with Homestuck, which also has some fairly sophisticated commentary on the nature of self, identity, reality, etc., but it makes the more enjoyable parts of the epilogue somewhat inaccessible. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to discuss these topics in such depth and through such a story without getting a little over the top.

That said, I do think a large portion of the Homestuck fandom, particularly those most concerned with character, forget that Homestuck is at its core an absurd black comedy and occasional satire.

Remembering the villains in Homestuck helps to reframe the story: we have an underling turned god-dog who snaps because of a workplace dress code dispute; we have doll capable of possessing people; we have LITERALLY BETTY CROCKER; and we have a petulant boychild asshole turned muscle skull monster. Are we really going to get mad that Dave Strider’s big turn happens during a conversation with Barack Obama’s projected brain hologram? The precedence for absurdity was set long ago for this sort of thing.

Homestuck does take large breaks from its particular brand of comedy to deal with issues seriously and sincerely, but these instances do not change its nature. While the epilogue wasn’t uproariously funny by any stretch of the imagination, the kernel of absurdity rules it. Why else would Jake English’s ASS be such a big deal on Earth C, like as a plot point and major element of the conflict? The same can be said about the black comedy and satirical elements, which can and do affect characters and plot. 

Even at its start, Homestuck was rather adversarial towards the audience, who literally sent suggestions to Hussie which he often fucked with as an element of his comedy. Based on what Homestuck is and has always been, it’s doubtful we would get an epilogue that was simple, clean, and palatable, especially towards characters. 

About the writing: I have seen it said that the epilogue is an example of bad writing. I’m going to separate the craft of writing and characterization specifically, which I’ll discuss below. As for the epilogue as a piece of prose, I believe it is far from “bad.”

Writing two separate but intimately intertwined stories in itself is not an easy task. It requires careful planning before the figurative pen ever touches paper, and then the effect has be thoughtfully cultivated. The stories themselves are stable, decently well-paced, and sometimes astonishingly poetic.

The way the writers dealt with the overarching metafictional elements is actually brilliant, especially in the meat track. Like, they used a switch from third person perspective to second person as a form of foreshadowing. That’s bananas. I was impressed. Not to mention how Alt Calliope sheds light on it in the candy track, which either foreshadows the shift in control of the narrative if you’ve read it first or else explains its significance if you read it second. Like, shit!

About the mischaracterization, though.Yes, this is an element of writing, but it is also essentially an act of interpretation for any writer, including Hussie himself.

I will use Jade as an example. Did I like her characterization in these epilogues? Largely, no, I did not. I found it uncomfortable. But was it incorrect? That’s the harder question. When Homestuck finished, she was 16, and she had spent the majority of her life alone, often in a state of extreme unhappiness about it. Could she become a 23 year old adult who is the way she is? Well, yeah. Any character could grow up to be sexually liberated, if we’re being real, and she is part dog, which could be construed to affect her libido. She very well could have abandonment issues that could take the form of multiple sexual partners. Her characterization in the epilogues isn’t wrong; it’s just far from satisfying.

Same with Jane. The narrative explains away her behavior as being a subtle result of the Condesce. John even mentioned a thought I had myself: his nanna was Jane, and she just wanted to throw pies and have a good “hoo hoo!” The narrative gives us enough to make her what she is, but it’s not satisfying. Ultimately, the narrative needed a villain to push the conflict, and in a “utopia,” the only recourse is to exploit the dysfunctionalities in the existing powerful characters. In this case, the character needed to support the plot, rather than the other way around. That is, unfortunately, the breaks in this sort of situation.

The one character I was excited about was actually Dirk. I believe that his character was believable, as much as anyone might dislike me for it. Dirk realized that he had the ability, as part of his ultimate godtier self, to destroy the lines between himself and others, to destroy individuality, to essentially take control of everyone’s identities. Given that power, would there be any doubt he would use it to do his “machine and puppets” megalomania bullshit? The narrative makes it clear that he believes he’s doing what’s best for everyone, even if they think he’s a villain for it; to me, that sounds like exactly the sort of think he would do, faced with this situation.

Of course, that’s not to say there isn’t ANY straight up bad characterization. Eridan spoke like five lines and still managed to make me cringe.

The last thing I want to talk about is the sentiment that Hussie has given up, that he doesn’t care, or that he’s actively trying to alienate the fanbase.

I do not believe this to be the case. In fact, I would argue that the epilogue was rather lovingly constructed; as a creative writer, I can see that this text was not a slipshod job.

I believe the problem here is not a disconnect between Hussie and his text; rather, it is between Hussie and his audience, as I mentioned above.

Hussie is a person who writes the brand of comedy I discussed above. While he has grown tremendously since the first days of Homestuck, it seems sometimes that he’s being pigeonholed into a genre of writing that isn’t so much his wheelhouse. The fandom wants him to write a satisfying epilogue that somehow closes Homestuck and ALSO does justice to all of the characters; yet, Hussie’s writing in the past does not seem to lend itself well to this particular kind of conclusion, and neither does the story of Homestuck itself.

I rather believe that Hussie cares a lot but is split between his impulses as a writer, his artistic vision if you will, and the desires of the fandom. I’m not convinced that what we want is also what he wants. I’m also not convinced that what we want is more important than what he wants. After all, what did we pay to read the epilogue? I paid a whole fat boatload of NOTHING. I mean, I donated to the kickstarter, so I would like to see some satisfying reward there. And what has Hiveswap been so far? Characters! Lots of characters. Just what the fandom seems to like the most. But Homestuck? Was it ever meant to get this big, to put him on a pedestal to be boo’d or loved depending entirely on the fandom’s reception of his work, which was perhaps undertaken for his own pleasure as much as anyone else’s?

To conclude, a reader disliking the choices made for the epilogue is not the same as Hussie not caring. Perhaps the thing that Hussie cares less about is sacrificing his own artistic vision for the whims of his readership. The epilogue really is doing interesting things about exploring identity and narrative and the like. Perhaps that’s what he cares about.

Not that anyone has to like him, of course.

I think that’s all for now. I mean, I could have more to say, but I got my words off my chest about it.

[abundantchewtoys]

Homestuck^2 re: p33-53

Well, there's bound to be a perspective switch now.

Though Dirk remains the lemony narrator, so he'll be around in a way, not relegating himself to intermissions.

Crack theory: John's a ghost now. :P Nah, there are no dreambubbles anymore.

---

Page 33

Oh HELL freaking yes.

Hah, Candy Earth C - supposedly irrelevant, pffffff.

Them lies.

I mean, sure, the specifics of the timeline aren't relevant, but the people in it will still end up doing relevant things!

So, this is John's house, smack-dap in the middle of salamander village. Candy Jake is tending to the garden - I'm spotting at least one pumpkin patch there. :P

So this means...

This means we'll end up having art for Tavros C/E, Harry Anderson and Vriska ML! Oh hell freaking yes. I'm pretty sure Tavros C is almost a deadringer for John. He had a different frame for glasses, if I recall, and his hair I imagine doesn't stick up, but further than that...

For all we know, they could actually end up being players in Dirk's session, too! :D Through space/time shenanigans.

So yeah, Jake is middle-aged, but... That might mean like 3 more years have passed since the end of the Candy path, right? 42 sounds like a middler age than 39, after all.

Cooool, though. I mean, I love that we're catching up to these people again. The content warnings (groan, Dirk, really? He's continuing to post this on AO3, isn't he?) do indicate that Jake's reminiscencs will take us into some darker venues.

Here's to hoping Dirk isn't going to cut away too quickly from this timeline. ... Wait a minute.

How can Dirk be the narrator of this timeline if it's out of his sphere of influence? That means it's back to Calliope or a speakerless narration! Actually, that's great.

The arrows have changed as well, hahah. Yup, this sure isn't the alpha timeline anymore. :P So much irrelevance to the plot, much wow.

---

Page 34

Oooh, right, his fair moustache! Can't wait to see how it looks in sprite mode, hahah. Say... Come to think of it, if Dirk's any indication, none of the players have earned the right yet to appear in guardian form!

Emerald garden gloves...

Hah, okay, so he's actually not wearing a shirt yet. Cause it's too hot in John's house. Ironic that the Heir hasn't kept his own house aired and cooled.

So, it might actually take place around the time that John went to Roxy? Although, Jake set the two of them up, he should know where John is at the moment. Cool to see that Jake's actually found a new form of independence in his riper age. That he actually manages household tasks quite well, without shooting at the squirrel family or something.

I wonder in what way the timelines will get entwined. Dreams? Ultimate self memories? Machinery like used to transport Joey to Alternia?

It would be weird to have two fully separate stories in one narrative, after all.

---

Page 35

Cool, look at that body hair. Much macho, señor English. :P I can see why the populace of Earth is enamored by him.

Welp. Alcoholism continues being a thing, now even for human Prospit dreamers.

---

Page 37

So yeah, Dad's fridge is still there. Those B1 appliances have sure gone through a lot. Pfff, even the old kitchen magnet's still there, maybe even with the same years-old picture stuffed behind it.

In for a dream memory of Jake on Hellmurder Island? I am!

This looks like B2 Earth's sun, after all.

Good thing Jake never went to 'Nam, or the current ongoing war would've meant this vision of a rainforest would've gone in a very different direction.

But the dream is definitely going to end up going sideways. I mean, no more dreambubbles doesn't mean he can't have vision. Or a Brain Ghost visit, in his case there's a real chance a memory turns into something more substantial.

---

Page 38

That sure is an unsettling dream. Unknown part of the jungle, illogical pine trees, and an inescapable monster.

Reminds me of WV's nightmare. Especially the song about it on the Wanderers album.

"A lithe creature of darkness and fury, with more legs than anything mammalian has a right to." Sounds like a Hiveswap monster right there. Can't think of any of the lusii it would apply to, of the top of my head.

---

Page 39

Welp. Dirk has found him. Well, in his dreams, but Dirk can command Brain Ghosts. And he was saying something about commanding a brain ghost, wasn't he? Okay, welp, I can't find the relevant quote. Page 30 comes closest, saying he used to not be able to contemplate all his spliters.

---

Page 41

Lol wuuuuuuuuut.

Brain Ghost Dirk?!? And he/Jake remembers meeting Aranea?!? Okay, let's park the potential paradoxes here. For one, post-retcon Dirk could have met AN Aranea later on, a different version of her, in a dreambubble dream. But yeah. Still weird.

Also weird: this brain ghost is connected to his Game Over timeline self! And he claims to be a separate Dirk?? Or... Well, actually. He claims a single Dirk has been claiming the narrative, which is true, leaving little space for other Dirks, which is also true. He could (and should?!?) still be part of the other Dirk, right? Unless... Unless the ascended self of a Prince of Heart doesn't mean he can just control his other splinters! (Outside of controlling the narrative, I mean.)

Then again... The Candy path has been said to be explicitly outside the reach of Dirk, so what is this?

God, if the only "good" version of Dirk is a ghost. And hey, this is a way in how there can still be new ghosts even without dreambubbles. Too bad only Jake can spawn them.

Pfff, the idea though. The idea that the only way this Dirk has good qualities is because it's what Jake wants to remember about him.

---

Page 42

He's gonna be scared awake from the fall, right? Still a little douchebag in any iteration.

---

Page 43

Yup. ... So, Brain Ghost Dirk has taken it up for himself to be Jake's guardian? Making sure no one catches him boozesnoozing? Even ensuring Jake maintains a healthy mistrust about Dirk's intentions?

Hmmm... I wonder if he'll start seeing Brain Ghost Dirk again while awake, now.

---

Page 44

Is there still some dirt from his dream on his arm? A message from BG Dirk?

---

Page 45

Ooooooooooh. Yes!! Seems like there's too much narrative for even an ascended Dirk to hog.

I mean, we have to keep in mind that the Prince of Heart's influence doesn't reach into this timeline. So that means, this is a part of Dirk that Jake has breathed life into, but which while vaguely connected to the ascended self, since he knew about Dirk's powers, can't be controlled by him???

---

Page 47

Oooooh, this is a REALLY good way to have Jake talk himself through his issues! Some really good observations from Jake here, things he might not have admitted to himself otherwise!

He's feeling useless, knows Jane is bad news, still hopes to make amends. Meanwhile BG Dirk isn't trying to get him to join the plot outside of the Black Hole.

Jake just wants to make a difference! (Also the observation from BG Dirk about Jake feeling mopey and useless for years also applies to John soooo much.) He's going to go all Lara Croft again? Sweaty, hunky, middle-aged genderbender Lara Croft, hahahah. This would be very cool - even if he's so very likely to get caught. Jane's not stupid.

---

Page 48

So this is Her Janeyness's battleship. Sporks. Sporks!! She crossed )(IC's ship with sporks. Pfffffff.

And he's actually doing this? Already?? Welp. Jane's going to throw him in the slammer again. We're going to have a callback to when the tiara took her over. I wonder if we'll even see some Authority Regulators (Prospitian or Dersite) guarding the prison cells.

Jane's outfit's going to be a cross between a business suit, her Crockertier outfit and Condy's jumpsuit. Though I wonder if she's already that far gone that she's wearing regalia.

---

Page 49

Pffffff, wut? He's actually going through the frontdoor? Jane's even coming to run up to him??

What is this, a daydream? If not, there's no way we'll not see Jane be obnoxiously unknowingly condescending in her conversation.

So, it is in fact a Crockertier two-piece suit, it seems.

---

Page 50

Pffff, wut? Tavros was out with her kismesis, wasn't he? There's the potential here for Tavros simply getting pulled around by Vriska ML, and Jane seeing it as a kidnapping. Also, direct attack? I assumed she found the death of her Dad enough direct already. :P

Pffff, okay. So this can't be more than a few days after the end of the Candy path, after all. So they're all still 39 years old.

---

Page 51

At first I though BG Dirk would start spying on Jane's desk, but nah, he's horseshitting around. So Jake's infiltration isn't even going to be all that hard, he's just going to stand there and get information fed to him.

Jane's descent into tyranny saddens me still.

---

Page 52-53

Man, Jake's intrusive thoughts are next level. Jane is still as coldly detached as ever.

[sorio99]

10 Year Anniversary Of Homestuck

For the record, I’m writing this at 7:30 PM on December 16, 2018, because honestly, who knows what I OR Tumblr will be like on April 13, 2019? Maybe it will be a smoking hellscape. Maybe it will be lovely and rainbow filled. Or maybe it will be nothing BUT porn. I don’t know. But I bring it up because I also have no clue what will happen with Homestuck and Hiveswap in the next five months and, frankly, I don’t care.

I wanna talk about what Homestuck has meant to me.

I discovered Homestuck first in, I believe, 2013 or 2014. I was starting up high school, and my parents had a program on my computer blocking “adult” websites, which worked about 20% of the time. I found it after reading Problem Sleuth, the previous MSPA, and I loved it. I loved the characters, the humor, the world-building, and even the art. As silly as it was.

It wasn’t my first fandom, or even the first fandom I observed. That would probably have been the Legend Of Zelda, whose fanfics I read while I was still in the single digits, and unclear what, if any, biological differences there were between men and women (the answer switched over the past 12 years from “breasts” to “loads” to “well, it’s kinda complicated, but going just by gender, nothing except brains”). It was, however, the first fandom I decided to take PART in.

I created a Reddit account solely so I could join the Homestuck subreddit, where I was a rare commenter and even rarer contributor. However, in late 2014, early 2015, I noticed most of the posts on the subreddit were just links to Tumblr posts. As I soon learned, Tumblr was where the majority of Homestuck fandom activity took place. As such, I joined Tumblr with my go-to username for most online accounts, Sorio99.

The rest is, if not history, certainly documented on my blog. Discovering new fandoms like Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, and most importantly, Undertale. Connecting with people in REAL LIFE over stuff from Tumblr, including people in my group therapy sessions. Coming out of my shell about being online, and eventually gaining a few people on a website or two that actually give a shit about my existence.

However, getting back to Homestuck, the fact is I don’t even need to go to Tumblr or the fandom to talk about how it affected me. Throughout High School, I struggled with some of the worst mental health I’ve ever experienced. But I kept going. Not because of anything that mattered, really. My family helped, but only about half of them were actually helpful. I didn’t really have any friends to speak of, at least not close ones.

But I kept going to see what would happen in Homestuck.

It really is the dumbest little things that keep us alive.

Eventually I got real, professional, effective help, and, no joke, 6 months later, Homestuck came to an end. It was certainly an odd time, but it did have an impact on me. My sense of humor, my fandoms, my presence, and even me just BEING here is mostly because of this stupid not-a-webcomic.

And I know, objectively, it is MORE than flawed. It has touches of racism, of sexism, slight heteronormativity and great big HEAPS of ableist language. I know Andrew Hussie probably isn’t too good a person. I know people probably got ripped off by the Hiveswap kickstarter. I know the first time Hussie contributed to it in almost a year, it involved posting some EXTREMELY anti-semitic lore in his web-code. And I know that, deep down, I probably could have gotten to this point WITHOUT Homestuck.

But you know what? For all it did for me, and for the internet as a whole, I’m still really fucking grateful.

So happy 10th birthday, Homestuck.

And thank you for everything.

[masked-fox-creations]

I was tagged by @rum-and-shattered-dreams , thanks!

Name: Fox

Gender: Genderfluid

Star Sign: Aries

Height: 4′11″

Sexuality: Aromantic Pan/Bisexual

Lockscreen: This amazing photo of Cirava from hiveswap (warning for some body horror aspects)

Ever had a crush on a teacher?:  Not in the traditional sense, being aro and all. I have been sexually attracted to teachers, and also idolized several. 

If you could go anywhere where would you go?:  Absolutely everywhere which sure is a cop out but also the truth. Currently, Venus is at the top of the list

What’s your coolest Halloween costume?: I went at Aziraphale from Good Omens one year, that was fantastic. Ooh, and an OC Bajoran rebel leader. This year I’m either doing a hiveswap or homestuck character. 

Favorite 90s show:  hnggggg don’t make me choose that’s too difficult. Also what counts? If it premiered in 1998/9 but most of its run was in the early 2000s what then? Such a conundrum. Anyway, let’s go with Aaahh!!! Real Monsters

Have I ever been to Vegas:  No actually, but my parents went years ago and my mother brought me back a really cool mask. 

Have you ever been stood up:   Not that I can recall. 

Favorite pair of shoes: Always with making me choose favorites lol. I like my new flip flops with cacti on them, and my purple bat woman shoes, and my converse with skulls on them, two that have heart eyes.

Favorite fruit: a;ldskfjdskfj let’s go peaches and cherries currently

Favorite book:  Again! Come on! Recently “Mask of Shadows”, “Detour” by Reesa Herberth and  Michelle Moore, “An Accident of Stars” by Foz Meadows, “Paperbacks from Hell”, and “City of Strife” by Claudie Arseneault 

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done:  I am a beacon of stupidity from conception onwards, please. I’ve skateboarded straight into fences, I trip over shoes that I can clearly see because my brain isn’t connected to my goddamn body, just today I put a plate in front of my dog thinking she would only eat the cheese and I could just reach over and grab the crust for later consumption but she fucking took that too. I give thought only to my writings, not my actions.

Tagging @scarscarchurro, @lynsleigh, @welcome-to-helliot, @arichu, @prince-kenni, @celestialwavelenght, @david-browie and other mutuals and followers who’d like to do this

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

All for the video game ask. (do I need to mention only if u r comfy w/ it at this point). Love you!!

alright u done done it now bitchhhhhhhh are u READY 4 THIS SHIT (dshfa;lkj thamk i am so pumped ur my biggest enabler) i already answered a couple of these for anon but i’ll go ahead and answer them here as well

1. First game you played obsessively?hmmmm i wanna say the legend of spyro the eternal night? i played it so much i could beat the whole game in four hours. i’ve heard lots of ppl actually hated the legend of spyro trilogy but honestly they can suck my ass i loved them

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.uh besides my answer for anon of skyrim not many games have actually just straight up influenced my art style but i’ve been playing this game called Fe (not fire emblem just Fe) and i really want to draw fanart for it bc it’s super cute if that Counts as influence?

3. Who did you play with as a kid?if this is meant in terms of co-op games nobody bc we didn’t have anyif just in general, my sister for the most part. i’d watch her play things like resident evil and she’d help me with the hard parts in medievil and crash bandicoot warped (read: racing levels)

4. Who do you play with now?myself lmao i don’t rly like co-op and multiplayer games and i prefer to play most games by myself

5. Ever use cheat codes?like i told anon, no bc i don’t know how they work and i’d probably only use them for the sims anyways

6. Ever buy strategy guides?not really? once we bought the collectors edition for diablo II when i was little and it included the strategy guide which i stayed up all night to read (bc i had run out of other reading materials in the house) but like i don’t really use them idk

7. Any games you have multiple copies of?the sims three and i know you know the reason why but in case anybody else wants to know: i didn’t know they had actually completely changed the game since i had played it last probably a decade ago so i bought it @ walmart this year and then i got mad bc it apparently SUCKS ASS now so in search of a copy of the original version i bought a second one from amazon bc the Image being used WAS of the original case but it really was the new version so now i have two SHITTY SHITTY VERSIONS of a game i used to love that i will never play bc it’s shit except maybe i will bc apparently it has real life music in it just replaced with sims language which is amazing and this response is far too long for the question but i asked u if u were ready so u signed up 4 thisi also have an xbox version of it tht i got for like christmas or smth years ago and a,,,,,, ds version??? that i got last year bc somebody was selling “the original version of the game including every expansion pack” for only like $30 and it definitely said disk version but when i got it it was this Pre-owned Dirty Ds Cartridge Covered In What Looked Like Strawberry Jelly and when i tried to contact them they shut their page down so there’s that which equals four shitty shitty copies of the sims three and i will never be more mad about anything than i am about this

8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection?uh well back when i had a job i spent A Lot of money (to me it was a lot) to get the collectors edition of the last guardian so that would be my most expensive. other than that i would have to say one of the hardest to find (maybe not rare but not common)games i have currently is medievil for ps1 bc it took me like a week of searching to find a copy in good condition online for sale bc i rly wanted to own it again since we had to sell all my old games when we moved to oregon which sucked bc we had a Bunch of cool games (mostly early ps era)

9. Most regrettable purchase?did you see my rant about the sims three for answer 7? yeah

10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours?never lived in an area where that is A Thing

11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?i wanna make a homestuck joke here (srsly probably not like i said i don’t rly do any type of co-op or multiplayer games so)

12. Ever get picked on for liking games?not really?? is that a Thing?

13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has?uh idk literally any COD game, basketball games, Fallout games, overwatch, anything that’s co-op, shooter games or sports related etc idk i’m a simple fellow these types of games don’t appeal to me

14. Favorite game music?idk what this means? like genre-wise??? idk abt stuff like that i just like good game music but i’ll tell you the fuck what, hiveswap music fuckin SLAPPED

15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick?fuck shit idk man i don’t rly want a tattoo maybe uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh smth that could be vague

16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL?idk rip lmao

17. Ever lose a friend over a game?Nah man i can’t even imagine smth as dumb as that unless they’re screaming racist or sexist slurs bc then friendship is terminated but otherwise like wtf it’s just a game,,,

18. Would you date someone that hates gaming?i mean?????? sure????????????? they don’t have to game with me??????????? unless they tell me I can’t game bc they don’t like it in which case Bye u controlling piece of shit

19. Favorite handheld console?u kno those games that used to come in sonic happy meals? yah (jk uh i don’t have much experience w/ handheld consoles besides nintendo ds-es and they’re cool)

20. Game that you know like the back of your hand?like i said i played spyro the eternal night so often i could beat it in four hours so probably that one.

21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now?the only games i didn’t like as a kid i p much still don’t like now

22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories?i am Poor

23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?currently skyrim or stardew valley

24. First Pokemon game?I didn’t get to play any pokemon games until this year actually but i got myself pokemon y and ultra sun so those are my first two! although you Could technically say pokemon go bc i played that for the first time like One month before i got y and ultra sun but like idk if tht counts so *shrug emoji*

25. Were you ever an arcade game player?i never lived where arcades were a thing tbh

26. Ever form any gaming rivalries?Why

27. Game that makes you rage?there’s this absolutely adorable and INFURIATING game called so many me that’s a puzzle platformer but the controls are so ridiculously precise that it’s absolutely the WORST to play bc unless you do it just right at just the right millisecond you will die over and over and over

28. Ever play in a tournament?nah

29. What is your gaming set up?the livingroom tv and my mom’s xbox one or my bedroom with my ps4 i got for my birthday and my xbox 360 that i got like 7 years ago

30. How many consoles do you own?alright so If ds-es count i own,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, roughly seven? i have my new ps4 i got for my birthday last year, my 7 year old xbox 360, another xbox 360 i bought from a kid @ school, a ps1 i bought last year for the Nostalgia that’s in rly good condition, a rly old ds lite a rly old 3ds and my new pokeball 2dsxl. i would also say that the ps3 my aunt left when she died is mine bc my mom never used it and she had bought most of the games For Me and Her to play together anyways so the idea that she left it to my mom is,,,, Weird but my mom claims it was left to her so Shrug emoji

31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches?“virtual boy” i love it omg. uh not really i don’t use my ds-es that often bc i don’t have a just wild amount of games but when i do use them it doesn’t rly mess w/ my brain or eyes too much

32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic?probably not?

33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games?i don’t think so tbh

34. Do either of your parents play video games?my mom does but she really only plays like three games (the newest assassins creed, skyrim, and stardew valley)

35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop?nope

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?man have u ever heard of brotherhood a tale of two sons? mom told me abt it and she didn’t warn me abt how it ended and i had to leave the room and cry bc it broke my heart

37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination?i didn’t know that was a thing

38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like?i can’t think of any tbh. oh wait i take that back sonic unleashed it’s terrible but i love it

39. A sequel that you would die for them to make?maybe not a sequel but they rly need to come out with another stardew valley type thing or maybe expansions or smth so that you can talk to and befriend more ppl and stuff

40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls?never been able to try them but they look super fun and i can’t wait to see how they improve the technology

41. A genre that you just can’t get into?multi-player games period. also first person shooters and sports games. there’s more but i can’t remember the title of the game bc i don’t know what genre it would be lmao

42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness?i assume this means game related nerdiness not just my inherent nerdiness in general so probably the very first spyro game

43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else?all the time my dude

44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters?none

45. How are you at Mario Kart?probably shit i’m not good @ steering in games

46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon?i love them! i have like 100+ hours logged into stardew valley and i only got it in like november of last year

47. Do you like competitive games?not really

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?so long. i either have to make them gorgeous or beautifully hideous

49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character?yah tbh lmao. i have like eight thief stone khajits in skyrim rn

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?i have a Lot of ideas and not all of them are good

51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep?forgetting to sleep, yes. forgetting to eat? no 

52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid?i was a very sheltered kid i didn’t know about new games coming out when i was little bc we didn’t have any way for me to find out About Them. i’m making up for it by begging as an adult for ni-no-kuni II and the new spyro trilogy remastered

53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days?depends on the game tbh some of it is good and a lot of ppl who make mods are rly talented but sometimes the big companies just make dlc to make more money so it can be rly shitty so it’s kinda a 50/50

54. Do you give in to Steam sales?heck yes rn i’m waiting for house flipper to go on sale bc i’ve been waiting for it to come out since i found out abt it

55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them?no my style of playing the sims was more along the lines of make a hundred houses that are all P Much The Same House and making a hundred familys and never playing literally any of them hadflskja;sdfjdslkhja i just liked building stuff and that’s why i’m pissed abt how much they changed the sims three bc it used to be Way Better

56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests?we didn’t have it but i did have zoo tycoon and i’d release the dinosaurs sometimes

57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements?legend of spyro the eternal night

58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick?uh!!! that’s too much pressure and i would get so bored playing them for the rest of my life even if i loved them so i will not choose

59. Do you play any cell phone games?sort of? i’m big into abyssrium and i like viridi if those Count?

60. Do you know the Konami Code???????????????????????? guess not

61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever?keep them forever!

62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game?i got the last guardian before getting the ps4 does that answer ur question? (jk that is not the only reason i wanted and got the ps4 but it was One big reason)

63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? nah

64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming?not really? i just use whatever i currently have bc i am lame

65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file?nope

66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it?not a nokia but we had this one handheld thing that had a bunch of games in it that included snake i just can’t remember what it was it had like letters and numbers and it needed like regular batteries and you could only play the games that came programmed on it 

67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?i cannot think of any right off the top of my head even though i know i played a lot of video games and loved them when i was little. hm it might not count as like a gaming-related childhood memory and more of just a memory of a game but we did have one really interesting little game that i absolutely loved i think we only rented it but u were a scientist who could turn into a mouse and it was absolutely amazing i loved it i have no idea what it was called hm

68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool?not really we didn’t have arcades around where i grew up

69. In your opinion, best game ever made? there are a lot of rly good ones i can’t choose a best game

70. Very first game you ever beat? like i told anon i’m p sure it was crash bandicoot warped

WHEW this was rly fun thank u for enabling me it took me like two hours to answer this i’m so happy. ilu 2 man hope ur day has been rad!

[autistalk]

Special Interests: I can show you my favorite... obsession.

I am thou, and thou art... well, thou art-istalk, I suppose. It's been a rough week for my productivity. Work has been taking a lot out of me, my house is nowhere near ready for an incoming baby, and to top it all off, I've been fighting the flu for so many days I've stopped counting. What's more, the game that I've been playing in my "me time" has finally given up all pretenses of not consuming my attention, and I realized on the third straight day of staying up past midnight that I've fallen neck deep into yet another special interest. In some ways, that's convenient- this week's post was always going to be about special interests, and I spent most of last Thursday (a date completely suitable for discussing obsessions) writing something that'll never see the light of day. The article was much more about how I handled interests in the past, but hey, why not dig right the hell in and see how things affect me as they affect me, right? Hard-hitting journalism, and all that. First things first, special interests. They are common among people on the spectrum, almost to the point of ubiquitousness, though terminology differs. I grew up using "obsession," though I can see how talking about a "special interest" to people who aren't in the know can be less embarrassing. Either way, it's a fairly self-evident concept. Autistics tend to latch onto things, be it media, facts, abstract concepts, just about anything, and we latch on hard. Occasionally, these things tend to be all-consuming, and while there isn't anything that all autistics will gravitate to (it is, after all, a spectrum), there are a handful that are fairly common. Trains, schedules, space, and, honest to god, Pokemon, are all things I've seen a lot of people obsess over, and I'm guilty of more than one of those myself. While our interests are never guaranteed, I've found that in my own case I can tend to predict if something will be. There have been times when that's unbelievably useful, if only so I can cut something off in the beginning stages before I'm sitting on an encyclopedia's worth of factoids and trivia for like the history of spearmint flavored bubblegum or something. Other times, I don't get so lucky. I don't begrudge my younger self for getting hooked on 'Onix back in the '90's, or for the subsequent twenty years of learning way more about Pokemon than anyone outside of Game Freak needs to be. Don't get me wrong, there are things I'd like to know more than the ins and outs of EV Training, and I'm sure that whatever alternate universe version of myself took an interest in the stock market instead is having a great time, but I'm the sum of my experiences. As I'm growing to like and accept myself more, that means accepting that the things I enjoy are part of my mental make-up! I do totally begrudge the knowledge of X-Men family dynamics, mind you, but that's a story for another blog. So, how exactly can I tell if something is a special interest, rather than just something I enjoy? For one thing, I don't actually like  a good chunk of the things my brain has decided to fixate on over the years. Take, for instance, Marvel's Ultimate line. I enjoyed one book in the line, but because so much of it was connected, I felt an overwhelming need to read all of it. It didn't matter that I thought most of it was terrible, I had to know. That's one of the big things, and the reason I'm more likely to call it an obsession. I'm sorry, but there's no other way to describe subjecting yourself to Ultimatum more than once. I managed to break that particular habit around mid-2012, but there's still been the nagging sensation ever since then that I only have three more years worth of comics to read before I can Be Done. But, of course, we all know the 'Tism can never be that simple. I couldn't just pick up where I left off, no. I'd have to reread everything up to the point where I stopped before moving on, and we're not talking a large period of time here. Time has shown pretty conclusively that if I get distracted in the middle of one obsession by another one, I need to restart the first before I can continue on with it. Attempting to reread Homestuck is rough enough, and none of that was illustrated by David Finch. Fifteen years, 50 books, depending how you're counting, hundreds of issues... all because I liked one book. Right now, at least, my obsession is kicking my butt. I’ve listened to the same five songs a few dozen times each over the past week. It’s legitimately stressing me out to not jump into the game’s tag and scour every bit of knowledge I can find, at least not before I’ve finished it. On the plus side, that just means this particular thing has an endpoint. It'll take me a while to get there, and after that I'll revert to one of my usuals, but those are at least a lot more passive, if only because of how long they've been a part of my life. These days I don't need to know everything about Pokemon- I dropped the show well over a decade ago, and the card game even longer, but the advent of downloadable midnight releases means I spend the day before a mainline game is released unable to focus on most other things. I hate it, honestly, I've got other priorities and I know I'm not gonna miss anything, but knowing that didn't make me able to concentrate. Luckily, most of the things I'm focused on are released on a schedule, so if it's something I know will screw up my day, I can plan accordingly. Honestly, it's the lack of that knowledge that has me most bitter about Hiveswap (though there are plenty of other reasons I'm always happy to go on about)! That's what most of the little control over my disability I have comes down to: foresight, pattern recognition, and anxiety-induced overpreparedness. I'm like Batman, but slightly better at social cues. More than anything though, the biggest thing about my special interests is that I just cannot shut up about them once I get going. "Info-dumping" is the most commonly used term among the autistic community here, and while I've gotten very good at not talking about things at every opportunity (no matter how much I think about them), once I do get started, it's difficult to stop. Hell, there's been more than one time I've considered starting a podcast just to info-dump about things I'm into and get it all out of my system for a while! That was one of the initial concepts for AutisTalk, back when it was gonna be a two-part product, and it's something I've thought about going back to a handful of times. I got lucky, and my wife is always willing to hear me talk about the things that interest me, but sometimes I just feel far less self-conscious talking to a microphone, y'know? If there are people around you who are happy to listen to you talk about the things you love, let them know how great they are. People like that are rare, and they should be appreciated! So, readers on the spectrum, what sort of interests do you have? Are there any that you've fallen out of, or any that you go back to time and again? Can you just tell when you're gonna be into something? You can let us know through the AutisTalk inbox, submission box, Twitter, or gMail! As always, if you have any feedback, or would like to see us cover a topic, please tell us! In the meantime, I'm Corey, and this  is me making a post and immediately going back to Persona. See you next time!

[bluetinge]

It’s been a year... more thoughts on the ending of Homestuck

  Okay, so, I just rewatched Act 7 for the first time in forever, had a couple revelations, and I felt the need to post my thoughts. 

   The last time I did this, I feel like I didn’t fully articulate myself? Like, I have had a whooole bunch more thoughts since then and they need to be free... most importantly, I spent most of this year getting down every time I thought of Homestuck because I immediately thought of the ending... I was kidding myself when I said it wasn’t disappointing. It was! Homestuck has been at a consistently sky-high level of quality since its inception (Imo, might be a side affect of reading 3/4 of the thing through archives) and the ending was just... good. not great. not what I expected. And I mean, I can understand that! Hussie obviously didn’t intend to sink this much of his life into this comic (remember it was originally planned for one year, somehow) and not to mention he has obviously had some serious crazy stuff happening with hiveswap... I should be able to forgive him for maybe not sticking the landing.

   And yet, I feel like there’s a little more to this whole thing than that. Out of every webcomic and piece of media I’ve ever consumed, Homestuck is still the most unique, and the void it left behind in my left /still/ hasn’t been filled. I mean, Paranatural is funny, Erfworld has intricate plots, Dumbing of Age has high-quality updates every day- these and more are all outSTANDING webcomics! But you /really/ can’t beat Homestuck. Nothing I have ever seen can replicate Hussie’s cutting humor, nothing has pages upon pages of zany characters trading intensely well-crafted dialogue, and absolutely nothing has that same level of RESPECT for the reader that Homestuck has. Hussie just throws you into the comic headfirst- it starts off with a kid screwing around in his room with a data-structure-based inventory system of all things (did I mention homestuck is also ridiculously creative and so wonderful in the best ways) and then dives head-first into the increasingly convoluted plot, complete with a time-traveling narration and children who don’t waste time being surprised at things like, “Oh, this game can MODIFY the world around us? This is totally crazy and I need to have several pages worth of incredulity and explanation!” Homestuck provides you with enough to understand it- although I admit I somewhat relied on my brother’s explanations for the first few acts- and if you can’t keep up then Hussie will not slow down for you! (”You can talk to the hand!”)

   I’m sure not explaining things isn’t exactly a novel technique- and many people would consider it a flaw- but its so refreshing to read something where the author allows the plot to get this complicated and different and doesn’t try to bog it down with explanations! It almost feels like stretching out your mind, allowing yourself to seriously use your brain for once, and god it feels /so good/. And for the parts where you don’t understand- yes, there were plenty of these for me at least- the humor is unique and crazy enough to keep you going!

   Okay, I’m actually digressing horribly here. What I’m building up to is that I was expecting, as Caliborn would say, my “shitty twist.” I wanted it, and I /needed/ it. That revelation in Cascade that [spoilers] the Tumor was creating the Green Sun all along? Astounding. The end of act five (a1) when it was revealed S***b was creating a new universe all along? Blew my mind (although maybe it was obvious to non-archival readers). 

   Anyways, that was my major disappointment. I had been following BKEW for about two years now, and while I didn’t buy into the plausibility of many or most of his theories (c’mon, all that “evidence” for classpects was pretty arbitrary) I did learn to appreciate the vastness and interconnectedness of Homestuck, and Andrew Hussie’s genius. Most importantly of all, I caught his excitement for the update- I was really looking forward to whatever mind-blowing revelation Hussie cooked up for us.

   Of course, as we came closer and closer to the end of the comic, more and more doubts filled my mind. Vriska described (dictated?) the battle plan and... in collide, everything went according exactly according to that plan. I was afforded a brief respite of hope with that creepy static-y ending, but as soon as the interlude panels went up I knew something was fishy. I dreader it in the back of my mind- I even joked about it (what if the twist is that there is no twist)- but, well, I had faith in Hussie. And then when Act 7 came out- I knew there was a pretty goood chance it would only be a few pages. Act 7 actually was pretty confusing, in a way, and at the very least it provided more to think about than Collide- I had to re-watch it a few times, before I finally formed an opinion on what was going on- but I was left closing out of that video with an uncomfortable feeling.

   So the shitty twist, well, it didn’t really exist as such. There were a couple important plot revelations- LE was immortal and infused with rainbow-majjyks because he cheated, stopping and breaking his own god-tier resurrection clock so he couldn't be killed, inhaling the rainbow-dust to get that colorful, epileptic aesthetic- and it also explained why the cue balls were his weakness- since the all-knowing cue balls act as the judgment pendulums, attacking him with a cue ball weapon that kills him could conceivably stop the resurrections as well. So, I felt, well, partially satisfied- more weird plot shit had been explained, and the house bits were hella ambiguous but still more mysteries to crown over. Still, I was left feeling a little shaken up, but I was able to convince myself I liked the ending.

   That... didn’t last. There were just too many problems I had. I went online, searching for people with the same deep-seated dissatisfaction as me, and I found plenty of upd8 h8. Some of it- a lot of it- I agreed with, some of it I did not, but it helped me understand. When Hussie announced the epilogue, this was a turning point for a lot of people, giving them hope- but for me it just made me mad... like, I wanted an ENDING, yo! I had been riding the homestuck train for over four years, and I was actually looking forward to an exciting conclusion! I mean, this might sound strange to some, but for me an epilogue just confirmed for me that homestuck was ending in a very mundane way, and maybe it would tie up lose ends but I think it more likely it might just tie up one major end (cough cough masterpiece) and leave the rest out...

   Okay good godde a lot of those words were unnecessary... let me just sum up my findings from the past year or so of exploration: I didn’t like the ending because it was missing what made Homestuck great. From the very beginning and almost to the very end, Homestuck has had three major things going for it:

- The humor. Again, Hussie’s humor is just incredible. Collide had plenty of it, but the ending as a whole, including all the panels before and after collide? Not much narration, quite a bit of dialogue that didn’t really have too much of a place for it (more on that in a sec), and lots of serious, single-image and guest art panels. In other words, there simply wasn’t very much room for it! That wry, poking-fun-at-the-reader tone of Hussie’s was gone, and the comic didn’t quite feel like Homestuck because of it.

- The plot. I’ve already said a bunch about this above so I will try to keep this to a minimum, but I feel like the story just, well, stopped expecting very much of us. It told us what would happen... and then it happened. A reset and developed-offscreen version of Vriska fixed everything (as did an alternate timeline Calliope with no clear origin.) And that’s not even mentioning the myriad of other plot holes that Hussie left open! (Where did the special frog of Jade’s come from? Why did the Condesce have a second Gl’bgolybs? Did Dave ever drink his own piss in a bottle of apple juice?) Many of these aren’t particularly important questions, and can be excused on their own- and there are of course plenty of foreshadowed events that never come to fruition- but it would be nice for there to be some resolution on some of these!

- And lastly, the characterization. There, was, like, none of this in the “Ending” as we think of it, which I think is fair... or would be if it wasn't for what I consider the most physically painful part of Homestuck: the Game Over timeline reset. It... oh my god, the pain I feel thinking back on it. I respect that Hussie tries to break story traditions, but oh god why! These characters, that we’ve been following for years- that we’ve watched grow- that we LOVED- all suddenly had their backstories reset, and replaced with new ones we barely saw. I just... I have physical trouble thinking about it. John may be the same John, but to be frank he’s always been (to me) one of the less interesting characters in Homestuck. Roxy, Jasprose, and the Davesprite half of Davepeta all came from the “original” timeline, and probably Aradia remained unchanged. Everyone else? All got reset and had their own character development, the most we saw of was a slideshow! There’s so much we don’t know about what remained the same and what was different... so much of it happened offscreen. Even minor things, like Karkat and Meenah’s friendship, got retconned out of existence- and it extended into the alpha kids as well with their sprites. We spent so much time reading this material, enjoying it, theorizing about what would happen next, and that was apparently all for naught. Maybe the ending would have been more palatable had we actually, you know, known the kids who got the happy endings frolicking on the revived Earth! Had they solved their problems, had they earned it! Maybe if we had more time to really get to know them... but we didn’t, at least not for me. Parts of them seemed familiar, but parts of them were not, and the kids who won the game didn’t feel like the same ones that started it- because they weren’t.

And through this all, what I ask is: why??? and how??? Collide and Act 7 were dissapointing, sure, but it wasn’t a fundamental problem with them- they simply came too soon. The story wasn’t finished- in fact, it had recently gone backwards and gutted itself. Hussie HAD to have known this. Right? He’s an extremely smart man, and I can’t possibly see him not foreseeing this issues or at least noticing them. Maybe these really WEREN’T issues to him- after all, the characters are his own. He knows exactly what he wants to know about the new characters and, except for a few Striders, couldn’t share it with the rest of us. Either that, or the errors were too late to fix. 

And THAT’S why the ending feels hollow to me. That’s why I can’t sleep some nights, staying up reading Homestuck and Homestuck-ending-hate, trying to reclaim some of what I lost. The ending we got was hollow because everything post- Vriska return was empty, and even though I had faith at the time that this magic man would work it all out somehow, he didn’t. 

Actually, it’s occurring to me now that this “Ultimate Self” business may have been an attempt to cover for it. Of course, it doesn’t fix it- you can tell me that it’s okay because Terezi can remember her past selves, or that pre-GO Jade and post-GO Jade are the same Jade all you want, and I won’t believe it- I CAN’T believe it, because they aren’t. The Jade I knew is dead in the ground. 

Anyways, I had been unable to watch the Act 7 flash for some time now. Collide I can actually enjoy, but for some reason Act 7 was untouchable- until, well, I listened to some of the music and got the urge to watch it again for the first time in so many months. Like, just a few hours ago.

And here’s the thing: I thought it was amazing. I forgot how good it was. And I think the last piece of the puzzle has fallen into place, at least for me and for now.

Hussie isn’t clueless- he wanted this flash for a reason. And as much as the fans might complain, he chose to focus on that flashing tadpole for a good third of the video (not as long as people have been claiming!). And I realized something:

Homestuck really deserved this ending. This was, maybe, the best ending I could ever hope for.

Homestuck has been gradually building in art quality and scale, and as much as people (like myself) might complain that the anime-ish finale was totally unnecessary, upon reexamination a year later I think Homestuck nailed it. It couldn’t end in any way less than this.

Okay, I admit the music might be so good I got a little emotional and very persuaded. But really- it was so majestic. Seeing that frog? We knew it was coming- we have known since year two. But in order to truly go out with a bang, Homestuck needed this- it needed to reach up and touch the very highest potential it could reach. 

And ultimately? It was an amazing and incredibly fulfilling ending to Homestuck. Besides the frog (my only complaint is the lack of an audible vast croak!) we got to see lord english approach a mystery demise- yes, frustrating for some that we don’t even see what happens to him, but I think Hussie is telling us something by not being explicit, and by focusing more on Caliborn than Caliborn’s adult (sort of) self.

Hussie is trying to tell us about the power of people.

Passionate people, he shows us, can cause huge events, be at the crux of huge turns of events, and they don’t even have to be particularly nice. Vriska apparently redeemed herself some off-screen- maybe she just naturally got more mature- and was able to single-handedly ensure the heroes’ success in Collide and her own fate as the one to put a stop to LE. John, a more passive person, went from the self-hating narrator’s punching bag in Act One to a leader of heroes- granted, with plenty of help along the way, but he was passionate about making friends all the same. And Caliborn- he may be a terrible person, but he worked through his tedious punishments and learned the rules of the world and got what he wanted- ultimate power, even if he was ensured an ultimate fate in the same moment. 

Compare, then, to Griska, who became so passive and vulnerable she was completely unrecognizable to her younger self, or Tavros, whose one self was carried through to the new world on the achievements of others, a sleeping instrument of Vriska’s, versus his other self that saw his dream of being a badass hero with self-confidence come true. 

Okay, I’m not really sure if this was Hussie’s intended meaning or not- the last three paragraphs of mine reek of speculation. The point I’m apparently writing a fricking essay trying to make, though, is this- when taken as a whole, I think there were some serious problems with the ending. But, if you just look at the achievements of the final two flashes? If you zoom out a bit, and see that maybe the “Masterpiece” was the shitty twist all along, and will seem just as much a part of the ending as Collide? That, yes, characters were changed, HUGELY- after all, Hussie always likes to change things up, never get too predictable- but maybe it was for a real reason, and people were so deliberately changed on purpose? I still think it was a mistake to go as far as he did, but I see another side now- I see how the Vriskas and the Tavroses and the Terezis and the Roses and the Daves are changed, on each side of the line, some for worse but some for better. And maybe three and a half minutes of frog animation really was necessary for completing Hussie’s vision? For completing his Homestuck?

I may still have problems with the ending, but I think I learned today I need to take it all in perspective. I actually, think, somehow, I’m at peace with Homestuck now, and that I think I might be able to see Act 7 not as a random disappointment but as a greater part to a whole. 

[geejaysmith]

Well, shit. So it's 3 am and I just woke up because I need to write this down before I doze off again, hoooooly shit I am incredibly disappointed because the dream I was having turned out to not be real. Should've been obvious, given it was taking place in a house I haven't lived nor set foot in in 5 or so years, and my family and I were celebrating my birthday. My birthday is in October. It's January. But like... so I'm in my bedroom, helping Mrs. Next Door find the iron to borrow so her kid can get Girl Scout badges affixed to her vest, when I see that somehow a book has wound up on the lower shelf of the cat tree my dad made for me years ago. Given said shelf's place as a substitute The Chair, I don't question shit being piled on it. But I don't recognize the book, it's an "anatomy for the artist"-esque tome. So I pick it up, only to realize it's like, a box sleeve that box sets are usually contained in. There's two larger artbooks and squeezed in-between is about six comic books. Fucking Hiveswap print comic books, I am not even joking. Naturally, dream-me freaks out, because the game's not even out yet (in said dream as well as real life) and here I am holding POTENTIAL SPOILERS. Again, completely unlikely in hindsight, because the actual contents were all over the place. Joey and Jude lived on a farm and also kid-Jake was there in the same time period and still lived with alpha Jade as his grandma. Rose was also given her own subplot despite acknowledgement she wasn't contemporary to the other kids, and I SWEAR there was one other human girl introduced. I think her name had five letters instead of 4 (I think it was something like Katie? Kitty? Might've started with a b or a d?) and she was introduced as Rose's best friend from Earth. She had white hair, a little bit longer than Rose's is canonically depicted (so if Rose is drawn as a circle around her head, Katie/Kitty/whoever has more like, the short bob that most fanart draws Rose with). Pretty sure she was wearing a magenta-lilac color but the details are slippery. Anyway, I thumbed through the comics and despite their billing as "Hiveswap comics" the plot details were all off. No mention of Alternia at all, everyone's playing SBURB instead, possibly. Though I vividly remember the covers featuring the kids in landscapes that looked nothing like anything seen in the comic or the game previews; Joey was on this floating landmass type thing overlooking a futuristic pointy Alien Citadel in mostly gray and blue. I could draw a very basic sketch of it if I wanted to, plus some of the page layouts, and I think I probably ought to before I try to go back to sleep? Anyway, Joey, Jude, Jake and New Rose Friend play SBURB with the acknowledgement that Rose and company have already won, and they think the other players have already grown up and will be waiting for them when they win. Jake keeps envisioning what they look like as grown-up god tiers, then what he'll look like as a god tier. There's no trolls to speak of, except for (of ALL PEOPLE, seriously brain what the fuck) Vriska, who is a thankfully toned-down mentor figure who says to Joey/Jude/somebody that yeah, Jake is set to more of a slow burn, God tier power-wise. That she says this without insulting him (nor do I recall her putting him down anywhere) is some kind of minor miracle and if this comic actually existed I would find it's writer and give them a deserving slow clap, and then offer to take them out to Denny's for a much deserved Grand Slam Breakfast (TM). I don't give a shit about whether said behavior could be considered in-character, I'd just be appreciative that somebody on the team with authority stopped acting like being a mean-spirited asshole is any kind of an endearing character trait. Oh, and the art was really nice. Kept shifting between something like we've seen for the game previews and some other fan art style, for some reason, but it's Homestuck so of course it's gorgeous. Dream-me put the comics down before I got into too many Spoilers and then found the iron for Mrs. Next Door and went to ask my mom about the birthday present I'd just found in my room (another dead giveaway, my parents weren't separated in my dream :Y). Then I woke up, and was kind of disappointed that those Hiveswap comics didn't exist for me to actually peruse. Unless I was getting a glimpse into future Hiveswap events, in which case HEY HIVESWAP TEAM, I'M SORT OF PSYCHIC AND ALSO ONTO YOU MAYBE? That's all I guess. Let me go draw out some of the comic details before I forget.

[anxietyfilledscreaming-blog]

My Mental Health Month Input

Homestuck, seriously, helped me in my darkest times. Highschool was THE worst years of my life and honestly made me lose hope for my own future. It made me pissed off at the world to where I wanted the planet to be destroyed, i wanted to kill almost everyone i knew, and made me question existence in general because i truely hated the human race.

I wont get into details about how it helped me, any fan of it knows exactly what I'm talking about, and if you've haven't read it, you should honestly give it a try. The art style is a bit odd, and yes its kinda boring at first, and very confusing, but trust me it's amazing.

But my biggest issue now is that, I'm still super hyped over it. My hype hasnt died down one single bit because its just made THAT much of an impact on my life and i just love it so so much. The problem with that, is that the rest of the fandom has basically gone so quiet that its like over half of us are gone. The very few people i knew that liked it and read it with me, now dont care for it and almost seem to get annoyed anytime i talk about it.

Now, that might not seem like much, but it just really SADDENS me to such an extent. How can this fandom, the most accepting and loving fandom, go quiet so quickly, as if the comic never existed? The cosplay groups I always watched now hardly post anything, infact any good Homestuck cosplayers are almost hard to find now, and it just makes me so legitimately sad.

I honestly can't wait for Hiveswap to come out. Not just because its a Homestuck game all fans have been dying for, but because I CAN'T WAIT to turn around and see a fucking nuke of grey grease paint, fake horns, wigs, shades, tab, and faygo explode off in the distance and watch as fans pop out of hiding spots left and right so we can all be one huge ass family again. I can't wait for the cosplay to kick back up, for new huge sprite sheets to spawn from deviantart (props to you motherfuckers for having the patience to make those so fans can make their fantrolls), for walls and walls of text that are nothing but theories of how this and that works, for the ungodly amounts of fanfiction for who knows what OTPs will come from it, just ugh, I can't wait.

This year's 4/13 revived some hope in me, tbh i thought the fandom was dying out but just seeing all the posts from that gave me enough of a sneak peak to assure me that when Hiveswap drops everyone will come back with so much new excitement.

Now, why am I posting this for the Mental Health Month thing?

I have VERY bad Social Anxiety. To the point that I'd say its crippling (i haven't gotten tested yet). However, if I think about cosplaying with some Homestucks or even performing something with some Homestucks, I don't feel one single bit of nervousness. I get excited, I get overwhelmingly happy, and that's just me THINKING about it. I haven't been to a single con in my LIFE yet (just for the record I'm 20, almost 21), you'd think that since I have this particular disorder that the very thought of those things would freak me out, but it doesn't at all! Its the one thing that involves social interaction that DOESN'T make me scared. I want to do it SO BAD, but I wont do it alone because I'd feel way to awkward to be a lone Homestuck cosplayer, and I just honestly love doing stuff with friends but none of my real life friends will even give the comic a chance. If I had just one or two friends that would cosplay with me, that'd be SUCH a huge way to help me overcome my harsh anxiety, so if you know anyone that has anxiety and asks you or even begs you to give something they're obsessed with a chance, please PLEASE give it a chance. It will give them something good to talk about instead of them having to rack their brain for conversation topics that have a 50/50 chance of ending in awkward silences. Awkward moments can trigger an episode quicker than anything when it comes to anxiety because it'll replay in our heads over and over, and we just end up overthinking until we practically fry our circuits.

Friend want you to check out an anime? Give it a chance. Friend want you to check out a book series? Give it a chance. Friend obsessed with a horror movie? Let them tell you their favorite parts and why.

A good geek-out session can be the best medication we could ever have and is worth it.