#my brain is full of the stuff and I'm more than happy to share

[didsomebodysaychaos]

Oh mood; I don't know what Butcher puts in there, but this is what I affectionately refer to as my main crazy-wall for the series (and the crossover fic I'm working on for it):

I've been adding bits to this and other related charts, graphs, maps, and timelines for about two years now; at this point, I know full well I have a bit of a Problem™ and my laptop hates every moment it has to display the Behemoth, let alone edit it lmao (the majority of the text isn't visible because, to make it all fit, I had to zoom out way past the normal text display threshold) (also, if anyone's curious, the program is Obsidian; it's free and I absolutely adore it)

Me when reading The Dresden Files

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

The hyperfixation demons are screeching at me to write a comprehensive list of all the reasons I like Fukutora, so today I present to you "Ant ignores their responsibilites and spends several paragraphs explaining why Fukutora is peak despite them having roughly 10 seconds of shared screen time"

1. Contrasting Personalities In general their personalities fit together really well— Fukunaga barely speaks while Tora exclusively shouts at max volume and can't stfu to save his life, Tora's overly-intense and takes everything way too seriously while Fukunaga's cracking jokes in the middle of important games, they're even literal opposites on the court as the two wing spikers. Their differences compliment each other perfectly and because of that I think they'd grow a lot being together, Fukunaga would learn to open up and Tora would mellow out. Another good contrast is how Tora's all about looking cool and standing out while Fukunaga tends to blend into the background, which leads into my next point...

2. MY ROMAN EMPIRE (aka chapter 309) I know it's only two pages out of a 33 chapter match but i dont care, this scene makes me feral. I read the manga after watching Dumpster Battle, so imagine my suprise when my two favorite losers had a moment THAT GOT CUT FROM THE FUCJIGN MOVIE (I'm still salty, it should've been a full season).

Anyways these pages rooted their way into my brain because they show that even though Fukunaga goes unnoticed by most people (both in-universe and by readers) Tora realizes how great he is, and not only respects his play style but views him as a rival on the same level as himself. One thing I appreciate about Tora is that despite him being the stereotypical "strong manly athlete" type he doesn't think his methods are the best or only way of doing things; Fukunaga scoring points without "big fanfare" is just as cool as the shit he and Tanaka pull off. The phrasing "that I hafta surpass" could even imply that Tora sees Fukunaga as more than an equal, as someone who's ahead of him since he doesn't need to be flashy or loud to do amazing stuff.

Look at his smile on page two, bro's just excited to have someone who motivates him to keep pushing himself. And as we've learned from Kagehina: what's gayer than a rivalry?? All in all I think it's sweet that Tora notcies his efforts and admires him when few others do. Side Note, I've seen a translation of these that call them "Nekoma's Wings" and I think that's a sick nickname.

3. Bi Tora and Internalized Homophobia I love a good internalized homophobia arc, and characters like Tora that center so much around girls and manliness are some of the most fun to explore them with imo. You could say he's one of the least likely characters in hq to be queer since he's THE woman-lover next to Tanaka and Noya (and Yachi) but that's what makes it interesting—his gay awakening would hit like a tsunami and send him into life-ruining bi panic for months, especially since he's already such a mess when it comes to romance. He gives me the vibes of someone who has no problem with other people being gay but struggles when it comes to himself since it clashes with his conception of what it means to "be a man" or whatever. My point is he'd have the most intense no homo phase to grace this earth and I think that's both super funny and compelling for his character.

Also as a bi person myself it's kind of frustrating how bisexuality is treated online sometimes. It's annoying when a person's queerness is negated the moment they show attraction for the opposite gender, so headcanoning a character like Tora as a bi while still being openly into women makes me happy.

4. The Stage Play They're so silly in the stageplay. Why is he dragging him around by the feet? Why are they screaming at Kenma? Why is he constantly bopping him on the head in the background? WHY IS HE SERVING FACE IN THE PROMO PICTURES? So silly.

(Ignore how blurry these are lol) 5. Ant's Little Sister Bias This is a me thing, I like ships where one party has an annoying little sister who bothers them, sue me. Its cute. Akane and Fukunaga could have the most adorable friendship if you believe.

6. They Match Each Others Energy My first post about them was me rambling about this so just read that, TDLR they're both energetic menaces who match each other's freak.

7. Kenma's Forced Third-Wheel Purgatory Putting Kenma in a situation where Kuroo's graduated and his closest remaining friends are dating and constantly forcing him to third-wheel is just about the evilest thing you could do to the guy. He may be one of my favorites but this is well-deserved punishment for his crimes.

8. Baffled x Baffling Another ship dynamic I like a lot is when one person is unabashedly weird and the other thinks they're a total freak... but likes them anyways. They don't know why they like them. They can't explain it to anyone. Whenever the person does more weird shit they're like "why tf do I like you." But even so they're whipped as hell. Anyways Tora barely understands a single thing Fukunaga does and I think that makes for a funny crush to have.

9. Fukunaga's "Current Concern" Don't have much to add here, it's just proof to me that they hang out idc. Like why are you concerned about what he wants?? Kinda gay dude. Big fan of Fukunaga whispering to him and Tora answering at full volume so other people hear a one-sided conversation.

10. These Fics Before I knew this ship was even a thing I stumbled on these fics while browsing the Fukunaga tag, that's what got the gears turning:

• My favorite one, third-year shenanigans • Peak, need to be signed in tho • College AU • This one is mostly gen Fukunaga but the few moments they have are perfect (also really fun Nekoma interactions overall)

11. Other Miscellaneous Thoughts • Both of them being public figures/lowkey famous in timeskip is cute, like imagine them being each others' biggest fan before they make it big.

• Chef x guy who eats a lot is peak fiction. In this case they both eat a lot. Their grocery bill is a horror story.

• I know it's because characters are usually grouped by year and Kenma ditches them to sit with Kuroo but they're always together in the stands, pretty gay if you ask me

• I hc Fukunaga as genderfluid so Tora still gets his chance to be a wife guy. Him and Tanaka ranting to each other while Kiyoko and Fukunaga drink tea in peaceful silence.

• I think Fukunaga's the type to enjoy people watching and Tora's always doing something dumb. Observing him like a little bug under a microscope

• They're both so silly looking, cartoony ahh designs. I just think they'd make a funny couple visually, they're so square and stick to me if that makes any sense lmaoo

If you got through this whole post you're a real one, thanks for reading to my brain dump. I think about them every day and need more people to understand the vision

[ts-witchy-archive]

Things I'm Doing to Make my 2024 Witchcraft Practice More Accessible and Consistent

In 2023 I was not very consistent with my practice at all. Between TAFE, university applications, ADHD, my (at one point) 3 jobs and just general life stuff, I haven't had a lot of energy to be consistent and just enjoy my practice. My goal for the coming year is to make my practice as accessible and as fun as possible. I want to practice a lot, I want to do a lot of research and spell work in 2024. So this is a list of a few things I'll be doing to make sure I meet those goals!

Enchanting my skin care with glamours and intentions for clear skin. That way I don't have to remember to say my intentions everyday and it will still have some effect if I forget

Cleaning my altars because I'm way more likely to do stuff if I have a clean space. (obvious I know but i haven't cleaned it for like 6-7 months)

Getting rid of my "only do it if needed rule". Fuck it. I like doing spells. Just because I'm not homeless doesn't mean that I shouldn't do a prosperity spell. It also limits my experiences with spell work

More magical playlists. I have like 20 ideas for what to make I just haven't done it yet lol. I love music more than anything so intention playlists are great options if I want a very quick 'spell'

Make a list of things to post here. I tend to come up with Ideas i've never thought when making tumblr content! Personally, brain storming and content creation counts as part of my practice

Enchanting my water bottle! If I'm hydrating I may as well make it fun (it'll also probably make me more likely to drink water)

Make a list of accessible offerings! I really struggle to give offering because if I don't go the whole 9 yards I feel like a bit of a failure (which is so hypocritical of me given all the things I talk on here). I think have a list will help me get past that first barrier of not knowing what to offer.

Make a shortened version of the offering ritual I do. I am more low energy than not during the school year so this will be very valuable for me

This is the full list as of this moment but this list is for me more than it is for sharing knowledge purposes so I'm okay with not having it 100% finished. If I think of anything else I'll add it and if anyone else has any tips they are very welcomed. Happy new years :)

[rhiannonsknife]

you said rhiannon and safe word in the same blurb and now i'm having some thoughts...

i'm thinking about a really intense scene, maybe you being tied up in her basement and her fucking you - whether it be with her strap, her fingers, her tongue, or her knife, she's bringing you to another orgasm (you've lost count of how many she's given you)

now, she's content to wring as much pleasure as she can out of you, but it's getting to be too much. the pleasure has turned into pain and you don't think you can take it anymore. so, you utter your safe word, a hushed sob beneath your breath

red.

she's immediately stopping any and all stimulation, backing away to give you some space. i feel like if it's at the beginning of your relationship, she'd lowkey panic, freezing up and apologizing over and over again. you assure her that it's ok and that she didn't do anything wrong. she's immediately rushing to untie your bonds (if she can't do it fast enough/her hands are shaking too much, she cuts them off with her knife)

the whole night is spent by her side while she continuously makes sure you're ok. she draws you a bath, she brings you a fresh pair of clothes/pjs, and she's constantly checking in to make sure you're ok. she just cares so much about you and she wants nothing more than for you to be ok 💔💔💔

-🪐

100% yess!! she just wants you to be okay :(( god i love rhiannon so much guys cannot!!!

— warnings: established relationships. fem!reader. implied knife play. nsfw content. mdni. use of safe word. after care.

so. as we’ve established: rhiannon loves to know that you trust her as much and that you let her explore these rather ‘extreme’ things with you.

obviously, with handing over power like this comes a certain responsibility. rhiannon lowkey gets so happy and excited (and not even in a sexual way) to have somebody there who loves and appreciates her so much that they’re willing to share the experience with her!!

before you get started, she talks about every possible thing that could happen; discusses safe words and boundaries, things you definitely want to incorporate, dealbreakers, and stuff that you’re not sure about/want to experiment with. obviously, even with all of that settled, there are times when it just becomes too much to handle. pushing you to your limits is the point, after all, and rhiannon appreciates it even more that you’re comfortable and willing enough to stop whatever you’re doing and don’t try to push yourself for her sake.

that doesn’t mean she’s not in full panic mode the first time you use your safe word.

she’s been keeping you tied up for what must’ve been hours, at this rate. she’s started out by rubbing her knife against your clit until you’d been pushed over the edge -embarrassingly fast and from nothing but the firm pressure of the handle. ever since you’ve lost count of how many orgasms rhiannon has given you. she has put her mouth on you, has finger fucked you (-stuffing your cunt full. “so you’re ready to take my cock” she’d claimed, pumping three fingers into you at a brutal pace), and has then gotten the strap out for good measure.

that’s how she’s been fucking you ever since. right now, your wrists are tied together and she’s got you bent over, ass up and face down as she slams into you from behind. under different conditions, you would wonder how she does it, how she keeps up the relentless motion of her hips, snapping forward time and time again. but right now, your brain is foggy with the haze of your previous orgasms and the sting of overstimulation.

something seems off today, though. usually, there’d be pleasure in the pain that comes from being pushed this way. there’d be a thrill in knowing you’re giving all control to rhiannon. there’d be at least one more orgasm in you. it had been pleasurable, up until this point, after all.

under your breath, knowing you won’t be able to manage anything louder than this, you utter: “orange”, not willing to call it quit just yet. maybe, you think, you can take some more. you want to be good for her, you want to please her.

rhiannon slows her pace down. “are you okay?” she checks in as established. “do you need a break?”

“i don’t- fuck- i’m not sure-“ you stammer. god, rhiannon really has been fucking your brains out, hasn’t she?

her palm lands on your back, tracing the skin there soothingly. “take your time baby” she assures you. she’s so tender with you. in an instant, it pushes the first sob from your throat. her strap is still buried to the hilt, but now that you have the time to consider it, there’s no longer any pleasure in the way it feels. your body is too spent to accommodate the stretch.

“red” you cry out, unable to string any more words together.

rhiannon is backing off of you immediately, a quiet little gasp falling from her lips. you can’t see her yet, she’s still behind your back, but now you long to, desperately.

“i’m sorry” you hear her, sounding frantic. the sound of the harness dropping to the floor still rings in your ears by the time she walks around you. “i’m so sorry, here-“ rhiannon steps into view. she’s discarded the strap and a panic expression is written all over her features. she is in a rush to untie you, cursing quietly under her breath as she isn’t able to undo the knots fast enough for her own liking. in the end, though you’re only half aware of it, she cuts them with her knife carefully.

“is it okay if i touch you?” she asks softly, her hand lingering just above your shoulder, always knowing when to take and when to give, and not yet touching you.

you can only muster a soft nod, but rhiannon sees nonetheless and carefully maneuvers you so you’re no longer on the cold floor, but half draped over her lap. like this, she waits the time out that it takes for your breathing to calm until you’re coherent enough to verbalize your needs.

(she caresses your body all over, whispers sweet nothings against your temple, and plays with your hair.)

“can we go to the bedroom?” you suggest weakly. whilst you appreciate being cradled in her arms, it would obviously be better in the comfort of your bed. you don’t have to ask her twice: instantly, you’re picked up and carried all the way through the house until you’re both curled up under the covers together.

rhiannon is still excessively apologizing at this point and continues to ask if you’re okay: “is this comfortable for you?”, “do you need anything else?”, “god i’m so sorry, i should’ve known”, “can i get you something?”

even after you’re conscious enough to reassure her that you’re okay, that this could’ve happened before, and that the point is not that it was too much, but that she immediately stopped what she was doing to look after you, rhiannon still makes sure you’re the center of her attention for the rest of the evening. she gets you into your most comfortable pjs, takes a bath with you if you feel like it and lovingly scrubs your body clean.

if you don’t, she offers to order dinner for you, and the two of you end up having a movie night on the sofa, cuddling together with tink curled up beside you.

with you, she’s always nurturing like you’ve never seen before but especially after using the safe word, rhiannon wants nothing more than to make up and ensure that you’re okay <33

[writingquestionsanswered]

Trouble Making Stories Work

Anonymous asked: I keep getting stuck on ideas. I can pick out one base idea to work with but can't get further than that. I could get an idea for a external conflict, but no ideas for the characters or stakes. It doesn't matter if I get an idea for a conflict first, a character, a world, or a "what if" scenario, it all just stops after that. Do I just not have enough creativity? I've been wondering if storytelling is for me at all... I have read your Creative Well stuff multiple times. I do have one, but it doesn't always have what I need. And it takes time for things to get added. If I'm working on a story and get stuck, I need ideas as soon as possible. I can't really use my time watching movies and going on walks and hope for some ideas when I need them when I'm finally at my computer trying to write. It's not often I'm able to get myself to do it.

(Ask has been edited for length...)

If you make sure your creative well is full, and stays full, and you still struggle with ideas in the moment, the problem is that you don't have a solid enough understanding of how stories work. The ideas don't go anywhere because you don't know what to do with them. You don't have a solid enough grasp on internal conflict, external conflict, motivation, goals, internal wound, plot points, story structure, character development, and world building to know where to take each idea. It's a little bit like loving cars but trying to design one without knowing anything about car construction.

I really wish I could just say "do this" or "do that" and it would magically solve the problem, but there's no quick solution. You'll have to spend some time learning about your craft before you can bring these ideas into full stories. The more books you read or listen to, the more you'll understand how stories work. You can also read writing books and articles, and watch writing videos.

While you're doing that, you can continue to work on your current stories. Pushing your brain to come up with solutions is actually helpful, and the more you fill your brain with craft knowledge, the easier those solutions will come. Here are some posts that will help in the meantime:

Fleshing Out Plot Ideas Turning a Barrage of Ideas into a Plot How to Turn Ideas into a Story Finding a Story in Characters and Setting Finding a Plot to Go with Characters/Setting Can Come Up with a Back Story but No Plot Want to Write but Can’t Come Up with a Plot Guide: How to Turn Ideas into a Story Guide: Starting a New (Long Fiction) StoryGuide: Filling in the Story Between Known Events Guide: How to Outline a Plot Basic Story Structure Beginning a New Story How to Move a Story Forward Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories Understanding Goals and Conflict

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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[weirdkpopgirl]

Friends Who Kiss | Chenle Fic #1

Title: Friends Who Kiss

Genre: Best friends to lovers, high school/college au

Warnings: mentions of the reader being insecure and having a mental breakdown at some point. a little suggestive, but not really

Word Count: ~ 5.6k

Author's Note: Okay to be very honest, I think that this story is kinda stupid and cliché. But it was an idea that I still wanted to try writing. And this is my first full-length fic for Chenle too, so I'm happy to post something for him. So to those who like cheesy romance stories, I hope you enjoy this. Thank you for reading ^ ^

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Since the start of high school, Zhong Chenle has been a consistent part of your life. He arrived as a transfer student from Shanghai, while you were the reserved kid who often used studying as an excuse to avoid social interaction. So rather than you reaching out to him first, it was he who practically claimed you as his best friend. Your personalities were a striking contrast, but it proved to be the perfect balance. It didn't take long for the two of you to become inseparable.

However, your friendship took a turn in eleventh grade. You guys had gone to your house after school to do homework. Except it was mostly you working on assignments, while Chenle was animatedly ranting about some mobile game Jisung was terrible at playing.

“It’s unbelievable! Every time I check his character gets killed,” Chenle laughed, and you responded with a soft hum of acknowledgment.

The boy glanced up from his phone to find you engrossed in your textbooks. While your attention was focused on writing an essay, you were also trying to keep your mind from drifting to the unsettling conversation you had during lunch that day. Typically, you and Chenle sat together with his friends. But Jisung needed the boy’s help stalking his crush, so you found yourself sitting with some of the girls in your class. 

Sensing the inner conflict brewing in your mind, Chenle rose from the bed and leaned over your shoulder. 

“You've been at this since we got here. How is your brain not fried?” he asked, blunt as usual.

You shot the boy with an unappreciative glare. “It is fried. But our essay is due on Monday, and I still have to help you with yours.”

Chenle sighed, well aware of your enduring determination. Ever since he met you, he couldn’t understand why you stressed so much over assignments, especially when you always completed them before the due date. Then you somehow managed to go out of your way to ensure he was doing the same.

“You’re more than halfway finished, and I’ll get to mine on my own time,” He reassured, “Why don’t you take a break for now?”

Before you could protest, Chenle swiftly pulled you out of your chair and guided you to sit on the bed with him. Worry clouded his gaze. “Something’s troubling you, isn’t it?”

Your teeth sank into your lower lip, hating how Chenle knew you so well. He didn’t have a problem sharing what was on his mind, while you were the exact opposite. Yet, even a single look at you was enough for him to detect something was off.

“The girls at lunch were going on about their dating experiences and stuff,” you began to explain, your tone tinged with irritation at the memory. “They were all so surprised when I said I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

You pushed yourself to meet Chenle's gaze, half dreading that he might burst into laughter. Instead, his expression held a hint of amusement, and that alone made you regret bringing up the topic.

Before he could respond, you hurriedly attempted to backtrack on your words. “It's stupid, I know—”

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,” Chenle said firmly.

Leaning back in your seat, you let out an exasperated sigh. “I just can’t get their judgmental looks out of my head. All because I don’t have much experience with dating?”

Chenle's expression softened as he confessed, "There's nothing wrong with that, and there’s a lot of people like you. I haven't had my first kiss either."

“Really?!” You stared at him in disbelief. “Didn't you date Ko Mi-so though?”

Chenle scoffed, appearing slightly offended. “Okay, that happened such a long time ago. And we didn't even last a month, so we never kissed.”

Now that you thought about it, he was right about their relationship ending almost as quickly as it began. You recalled the time back in tenth grade when Chenle was quite smug about dating Mi-so, who happened to be the prettiest girl in class. Frankly, you were somewhat relieved when they broke up, given that she didn't particularly like you. Chenle hasn’t dated anyone since.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” your voice trailed off. 

The boy stayed silent for a moment before an idea dawned on him. “You know what? Why don’t we have our first kiss now?”

Your cheeks felt like they were competing for a world record in how quickly they heated up at Chenle's proposal. He couldn't possibly be serious.

“Did I hear you right?” you stammered, thoroughly taken aback by the suggestion.

Chenle nodded confidently, “I mean, we're best friends, so it's not that weird. And it's better than kissing someone we don't know as well or not have a connection with.”

You could kind of see his point. Having Chenle as your first kiss did seem much safer than kissing some random guy. Besides, it wasn’t like either of you had any underlying feelings for each other. This would solely be for practice.

“Alright,” you reluctantly agreed, “But you have to promise not to make fun of me if I turn out to be a bad kisser."

Chenle chuckled and nodded. He inched closer to you on the bed, leaving little space between the two of you. Although he saw you every day, having your face this near made a faint blush tinge his cheeks.

He started to lean in more before pausing. "Um, maybe you should close your eyes."

"Oh—right," you mumbled awkwardly, then took a deep breath before allowing your eyelids to shut.

He had to suppress a chuckle, finding you kinda cute in that moment. Before you had a chance to second-guess yourself, Chenle pressed his lips against yours in a tender kiss. Shortly after, he drew back, searching for your reaction.

“So, how was that?” He asked, voice laced with teasing.

You stared at him incredulously for a moment before realizing he was waiting for you to answer. “I suppose it was okay,” you mumbled.

Chenle tilted his head with an amused grin. “Just okay?”

“Yeah, I guess I didn't feel much because we're not really into each other like that,” you admitted with a nonchalant shrug.

Okay, you might have partially lied about not feeling much during the kiss. Truth be told, there was this strange, fluttery sensation in your chest when your best friend's lips grazed yours. But perhaps all first kisses were like that, and you were simply overthinking it.

The boy beside you let out a hearty laugh. “Well at least we got that over with.”

You had to muster all your self-control not to blush when he followed up with, “And you're not a bad kisser, by the way.”

Believing that the experiment was over, the two of you returned to your previous tasks. Nothing changed much after that day in your bedroom, as you and Chenle remained best friends. But little did you realize that this wouldn't be the last kiss you'd be sharing with him. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Despite your previous attempts to justify it, the second kiss you shared with Chenle happened partially because of you. As your senior year of high school unfolded, Chenle prepared for his performance at the spring festival. It was you who initially urged him to participate in the talent show. The countless times you had witnessed his piano playing and singing during your private moments together convinced you that he should share his talents with the world. Your compliments not only fueled Chenle’s ego but also prompted him to eagerly jot his name down on the sign-up sheet.

However, what you didn’t expect was to find him backstage, looking as pale as a ghost. He was supposed to go after a group of girls who were dancing to Red Velvet’s “Red Flavor.” With the intention of cheering him on in person, you spotted the dark-haired boy sitting on a chair, anxiously bouncing his legs.

“Last-minute jitters?" you asked softly.

Chenle glanced up at you and crossed his arms in a nonchalant manner. “What, me? I'm fine,” he replied, though his tone lacked conviction.

Just as Chenle knew you like the back of his hand, you were among the few who could read him. While he was partially correct about never being nervous, it didn't take an idiot to perceive that he was in that moment. It was evident he was trying to play it off to uphold his confident image. 

One aspect that troubled you about Chenle was his constant facade of cheerfulness and carefree demeanor. No one could genuinely be happy all the time, and he was the kind of person who concealed his negative feelings when around others.

After deliberating on how to address the situation, you gently rested your hand on his shoulder, bringing yourself to eye level with him.

“Hey, you’re going to be amazing out there,” you reassured him. “I’ve seen how many hours you put into practicing that song. You have nothing to worry about.”

Chenle let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, you're right.”

The smile he bestowed upon you didn't quite convince you. Biting your lip in hesitation, you glanced around to ensure no one else was nearby. Once you were sure that you were alone, you leaned down and gently planted a kiss on the boy’s forehead. Chenle’s eyes widened in surprise at your actions.

“What was that for?”

Blushing, you took a step back and stammered, “Just for good luck, you know. I—I’ll be right there in the crowd, watching you. So if you feel nervous on stage, just look at me.”

A more reassured smile spread across Chenle’s lips and before he stood up to swiftly peck you on the lips, leaving you more stunned than he was a few seconds ago.

“There, I definitely feel more ready now,” he declared with a teasing glint. And the smug Chenle you were familiar with had returned.

As Chenle’s playfulness lingered in the air, the sound of the audience clapping erupted for the girls, putting an end to your “moment.” With a knowing look, you both parted ways, allowing Chenle to step into the spotlight for his performance.

As he took the stage, you found a spot in the crowd, eyes fixed on him with awe. The rhythm of the applause filled the air, drowning out any lingering thoughts. In that moment, the stage became his world, and you couldn't help but be swept away by the magic of his talent. The earlier exchange faded into the background as you watched Chenle shine, each note and melody weaving a captivating spell that left you in admiration.

Neither of you mentioned the kiss after that day. The interaction remained more platonic than anything, a gesture that was only meant to show your support for him. But Chenle still liked to think he killed the stage because of it.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Chenle was undeniably responsible for the next time the two of you kissed. However, this particular incident didn't unfold until the first semester of your freshman year in college. The joy of discovering you both had been accepted into the same university was palpable, though Chenle appeared to be more exuberant about the news. In contrast, you felt a sense of relief, grateful that you wouldn't be venturing into the world of college alone.

In one of your classes, a sunbae began to show interest in you. Despite your attempts to politely reject him, it became apparent that he wasn't willing to accept no for an answer. 

One day after class, he cornered you in the hallway, insisting that you go out with him. As you tried to maintain your composure, he grabbed you by the wrist when you tried to walk away. The harsh move triggered internal panic within you.

You could sense the danger in his tone as his head tilted cockily. “Come on, (Y/n), don’t be so difficult. I know you’re just playing hard to get.”

“I—I’m sorry but I just don’t feel the same as you, Sunbae,” you stuttered, trying to be assertive. “Please let go.”

Refusing to relent, the sunbae was on the verge of pulling you in closer when another hand intervened, forcefully ripping you out of his grasp. Your head turned in astonishment to see Chenle casting a disgusted look at the guy in front of you. The flames in Chenle’s eyes made you realize that you had never seen him so livid before.

“She said to let go of her. What part of that do you not understand?” Chenle’s voice cut through the tension.

The sunbae scoffed and crossed his arms in defense, “Yah, who are you to involve yourself in someone else’s matters? Are you her boyfriend or something?”

You watched as the corner of Chenle’s lips turned into a smirk as he snaked an arm around your waist in a protective gesture. 

“That’s right. So who are you to go after another man’s girlfriend?” he retorted confidently. Your eyes widened, almost surprised as the jerk in front of you.

Shaking his head in a mix of disbelief and embarrassment, the sunbae pointed a finger at you. “This is a joke, right? You just asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend to mess with me!”

Before you could respond, Chenle took matters into his own hands. His free hand briskly moved to the back of your neck, drawing you in for a passionate kiss. In a typical situation, your best friend's impulsive actions might have freaked you out immediately. However, the way his fingers delicately pressed against your back reassured you that he was doing this for your sake, Closing your eyes, you kissed back and tried to reciprocate with the same passion Chenle was pouring.

Moments later, Chenle pulled away and turned to the sunbae, wearing a satisfied grin on his face. “Do you believe her now? Not that she has to prove anything to you.”

The older male muttered begrudgingly under his breath, “Whatever, not worth my time.”

With a scowl, he stormed off, leaving behind a palpable sense of relief in the wake of his departure. Once he was gone, you removed yourself from Chenle's hold and shot him a look of confusion.

“You know you didn’t have to do that right?” 

Chenle chuckled, “Well, someone had to put an end to his nonsense. Besides, I've always wanted to play the protective boyfriend card.”

“Protective boyfriend? You almost gave me a heart attack!” You smacked him on the shoulder.

Chenle’s smirk remained, but he adopted a more concerned tone. “But seriously, (Y/n), why didn’t you tell me he was bothering you earlier?”

“I thought I could handle things on my own.” You shrugged weakly, lowering your head in guilt.

Chenle sighed, recognizing your aversion to depending on others for your problems. Throughout the time he’d known you, he'd witnessed your willingness to go to great lengths to help those you cared about. However, when it came to your own struggles, you seemed to prefer suffering in silence.

“We’re best friends for a reason,” he reminded you, “Looking after each other is 50/50, you know?”

You offered him a small smile, “I guess you’re right. Thanks for saving me today.”

“Well, you can thank me by buying food tonight,” Chenle said, the playful glint returning to his eyes. “It’s your turn anyway.”

Rolling your eyes, you let him lead you out of the building. But Chenle’s words from earlier lingered in the back of your mind. “We’re best friends for a reason.” 

The two of you were the epitome of what best friends were. And that was all the two of you would ever be, right?

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

At this point, you were beginning to lose count of the number of times you’ve kissed your best friend. Despite this, your friendship maintained its familiar rhythm throughout the university. But after that hallway encounter, the awkwardness that came with kissing your best friend faded. Although it was more of Chenle seeming unfazed, and you becoming less surprised each time it happened. And indeed, there were a few more instances that caused your lips to meet.

Like the time Chenle excitedly dragged you to his dorm to watch a Golden State Warriors game, and, in the heat of the moment, he gave you a quick kiss before cheering some more. Then there was the other time when you both went out for drinks with friends, a few drunken kisses were shared.

There weren't any real feelings attached to the kisses you and Chenle shared. At least, that was what you repeatedly told yourself. However, as you were halfway through your first year of university, you finally started to question the true nature of your friendship with Zhong Chenle.

Those thoughts began to sink in just before your first finals in college. Isolated in your dorm room, you immersed yourself in studying for a math exam scheduled in three days. Calls and texts from friends went largely ignored as you turned off your phone in an attempt to focus. However, Chenle wasn't about to let that slide. 

One night, he let himself into your dorm, carrying a bag of your favorite takeout—knowing well that you tended to skip meals when stressed. You could see the determination in his face, ready to scold you. But the expression quickly transitioned to one of concern when he caught you on the verge of a breakdown. 

You sat at your desk surrounded by textbooks and notebooks filled with scribbled equations. The sight of your trembling body and slightly tousled hair, a result of pulling on it too hard, tugged at Chenle’s heart. He was well aware of how your anxiety affected you at times. But he had never witnessed it manifest quite like this.

Instantly, the bag was placed on the floor, and he was at your side. “(Y/n), what's wrong?" 

“I—I'm going to fail my calc final,” you swallowed, your fingers curling into fists. Your shoulders slumped, and the weight of despair was evident in the way you hunched over the desk.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, attempting to calm you down. “You still have a few weeks before finals, (Y/n). And you’re not going to fail.”

“Yes, I am!” you cut him off, your voice strained. Tears welled up in your eyes, and your hands clenched even tighter. “I’ve been studying for days, and my dumb brain still doesn't understand anything. Do you know how stupid I feel?”

“Being bad at math doesn’t make you stupid, (Y/n),” Chenle said, trying to inject a bit of lightheartedness into the situation. However, his comment didn’t seem to offer you any comfort.

You shook your head miserably in response. “Stop trying to be nice. I'm going to fail, and then I’ll end up letting down my parents and everyone else.”

Chenle’s heart ached at the defeat in your voice. Setting his jokes aside, he recognized that words weren’t what you needed at the moment. Instead, he enveloped you in a warm embrace. You hesitated only briefly before surrendering to his comforting hold, attempting to fight back tears.

“Just let it out,” he whispered.

Those simple words acted as an emotional release trigger, and Chenle found himself gently rubbing your back as you quietly cried into his shoulder. A sense of mixed emotions flooded him as he held you in that moment. A part of him felt a twinge of relief, grateful that you let him be there for you. You often kept your emotions bottled up, making it a challenge for him to discern how you truly felt at times. 

However, there was a pang of sadness accompanying that satisfaction. He knew you didn't just cry in front of anyone, and realizing that you had reached this breaking point signaled the depth of your struggle.

After a while, Chenle gently pulled back, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You need a break, (Y/n). Let’s step away from the desk for a bit.”

"No, I really should—" you began to protest, but Chenle cut you off.

"You really should eat the food I brought you before it gets cold," he insisted, picking up the bag again.

He led you to sit on the carpet of your cramped dorm room, creating a makeshift dining space for the two of you. As you both shared a meal, Chenle continued to provide a comforting presence, occasionally cracking a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

As the night wore on, the exhaustion in your eyes became more prominent. Even so, you knew you should go back to studying. But Chenle seemed to disagree.

“Maybe you should just rest for the night. I promise to help you with math in the morning,” he suggested. However, upon seeing the unconvinced look you gave him, he backtracked on his words. “Okay, I'll have Renjun help you.”

Too tired to argue, you gave in, and that's how you found yourself lying in bed with your best friend. Back in high school, you used to have sleepovers at his house on the weekends. At night, the two of you would be lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and talking about anything. However, having him beside you at that moment felt strange. 

You saw a sincere tenderness reflected in those large eyes of his. A part of you wondered if Chenle often gazed at you with such fondness and you simply hadn’t noticed before. Either way, the way he was looking at you made you feel even stranger. And the short silence that had settled between the two of you wasn’t helping.

Uncertain of how much longer you could endure the intensity, you broke eye contact with him and murmured, “Thank you for always being there for me, even when I try to push you away”

Chenle chuckled, adjusting his position to prop himself up on his elbow. “Well, of course, because how could you live without me?”

His ability to joke at a time like this struck you as unfathomable. Instead of the usual eye roll or pushing off the bed, a serious expression remained etched on your face. 

“You're right, I don't think I can live without you,” you said, your voice laced with drowsiness. “Because you’re one of the few people who truly care about me.”

The amusement in his eyes danced away, as he felt the gravity of your words. Something about seeing this vulnerable side of you was so beautiful in his eyes. Before he could fully process his own thoughts, Chenle found himself leaning in to close the space between you with his lips meeting your own.

Uncertain whether it was the leftover stress from your meltdown or the sleep deprivation that prompted you to kiss back without much thought. You could recall all the times you’ve kissed Chenle throughout the years. But this one would always stand out to you.

This kiss lasted a lot longer than your previous ones. But it wasn’t just the way he tilted your chin upward for a better angle, or the feeling of his dark locks of hair slipping between your fingers. Nor was it the soft pressure of his lips moving in sync with yours. It was the indescribable emotions that made time seem to stand still, weaving an unspoken connection that surpassed words and left you yearning for more.

Aside from pulling away, both of you gasping for breath, and noticing how Chenle's lips were redder than you had ever seen them, you vaguely recalled what happened after the kiss. When you woke up the next morning, Chenle was already gone. However, he had left you a text message, mentioning that he went to check if Renjun could help tutor you in math.

But math was no longer the sole stressor in your mind. Your best friend had kissed you last night, and unlike all the other times, this one left you feeling more confused than ever. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

True to his word, Renjun offered to meet up with you that Sunday afternoon at the campus library. Within an hour of sitting down to unravel the calculus concept that eluded you, Renjun finally helped you grasp the material. Although the looming fear of failing finals had diminished, you still felt a weight on your shoulders.

“You don’t seem as relieved as I thought you’d be,” Renjun remarked lightheartedly. Even he could tell your mind was preoccupied with something else.

You smiled sheepishly, “No, I am! I seriously owe you for helping me out. I just…”

“Is it something to do with Chenle?” he asked, almost like he was a mind reader.

His unexpected question caught you off guard. “How did you know?” you stammered, feeling the heat quickly rise to your cheeks.

A knowing smile played on the boy’s lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Oh come on, (Y/n). You have that look on your face that something happened between the two of you.”

Sometimes you seriously wished Renjun wasn’t so good at reading people. Even though you weren’t as close to him as Chenle was, he’s known you long enough to notice things that others wouldn’t. For instance, when something was troubling you.

Biting your lip, you debated whether to be truthful with Renjun. Although you didn't typically share your problems with others, you recognized that confiding in someone at a time like this was necessary to maintain your sanity.

“Chenle kissed me last night,” you tossed the statement out in the air, hoping you wouldn’t regret it.

Renjun’s eyes widened at this revelation, “He did?!”

“Well you see, we’ve kissed before. But this time it felt different,” you clarified, baffling the boy across from you even more. Internally cringing, you were acutely aware of how bad this sounded.

Before he could question, you continued to elaborate. “Look, it's not as complicated as it sounds. It’s just ever since we agreed to be each other’s first kiss, Chenle and I just keep having these…accidental kisses. Whether it’s out of excitement or to get guys hitting on me to go away.”

Renjun listened quietly as you recounted all the other times you’ve kissed Chenle. When you circled back to the previous night, you felt more conflicted than ever.

“But the kiss last night left me feeling so confused,” you confessed, running a hand through your hair. “Initially, I thought he was just doing it out of comfort, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Well, have you considered the possibility that he has feelings for you?” Renjun inquired, crossing his arms. His suggestion sounded so simple, yet it felt like navigating uncharted territory in your mind.

You shook your head in denial. “N—No, I mean we’ve been best friends for five years. He can’t possibly see me that way.”

“Like that’s ever stopped friends from falling for each other,” Renjun cocked his head. “It doesn’t take a genius to know that he likes you, (Y/n).”

His point made you mentally curse. If you looked at your history with Chenle from an objective point of view, the two of you certainly didn’t act like normal best friends.

“And, it’s pretty obvious that you like him too,” Renjun added, twirling the pencil between his fingers.

His statement left you feeling exposed, as if you had been caught red-handed committing a crime. Laughing nervously, you shook your head, “Renjun, we’re just friends. I…I don’t see him that way.”

Renjun raised an eyebrow, “Friends who kiss? Did you really not feel anything in those moments?”

Your teeth sank further into your lower lip as Renjun’s question hit you. The reality of your feelings for Chenle lingered in the air, challenging the facade you had built to convince yourself otherwise. It was like trying to hold sand in your fists, slipping away no matter how tightly you clenched. The truth, however inconvenient, seemed to be unraveling before you.

“I…I did feel something,” you slowly admitted, “But I never said anything because I didn’t want our friendship to change. It just seemed easier to pretend those moments were nothing more than accidents.”

Renjun’s eyes softened with understanding. “Well maybe a little change is what you need in your friendship.”

Maybe Renjun was onto something, perhaps change was necessary. In the past, you had always held out on dating, using the excuse that you were waiting for the right person. Despite the fear of potential rejection, what if Chenle was the person you had been waiting for all along?

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Chenle’s living room bathed in the gentle glow of the TV screen, a familiar sight during your Friday movie nights since college began. It was supposed to be a time to unwind, to escape the pressures of school for a little while. However, instead of the usual peaceful and easygoing atmosphere, an unspoken tension hung in the air tonight. Beyond picking a movie and deciding who made the popcorn, you and Chenle barely talked. The weight of the unspoken words made the space feel suffocating, and you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in your chest.

Unable to endure the weighty silence any longer, you turned your head to make a lame comment about the movie. However, before you could speak, Chenle beat you to it.

“Can we talk?” His voice carried a hint of restlessness, an unusual departure from his usual tone.

Trying to maintain a casual demeanor, you lightly nodded. With your acknowledgment, Chenle exhaled deeply and sat up straighter to face you properly.

“I know how crazy this might sound,” he started, running a hand through his hair. “But I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think we can stay friends.”

His words felt like a gun being pointed at your chest, panic surged within you as you tried to process the boy’s words. Of all the ways you predicted this conversation could go, this was not one of them.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice even smaller than his.

Noticing the perplexity in your eyes, Chenle continued. “You see, I've been in love with you for—I don’t know how long. But I spent all these years burying my feelings like a fool, because I never thought you’d see me that way. Yet, every time we kiss, it becomes harder for me to ignore my feelings for you.”

Chenle glanced down at his folded hands, vulnerability seeping into those brown orbs of his. “The other night made me realize that I don’t want to just be friends who kiss anymore. I want to be something more to you.”

His words lingered in the air now that they were out in the open. Your heart raced faster than it ever has before, as your cheeks flushed with heat. Chenle’s eyes bore into yours, his expression nervous yet hopeful. 

For a moment, you were left speechless. But you still had the sense to hit him on the shoulder, scolding, “Oh my gosh, you can’t start a conversation like that, Chenle. You scared me!”

The boy chuckled sheepishly, rubbing his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. But seriously, (Y/n), I meant what I said.”

A mix of emotions played on your face before you quietly admitted, “Honestly, I’ve wanted to be something more to you since that day we kissed in my bedroom.”

You noticed a smile of relief beginning to form on his lips, but you held up a finger before he could say anything. Now that he had taken the first step, you decided it was time for you to do the same.

“But I kept trying to convince myself that all the times we kissed were accidental or just for comfort,” you confessed, looking directly into his eyes. “And the reason I’ve been pushing away my feelings for you was because I was afraid of losing a friend who means the world to me.”

His hand rested on top of yours, the light touch sending a shiver down your spine. “You don’t have to be afraid because you’ll never lose me, (Y/n).”

The softness and sincerity in his eyes made you want to cry for some inexplicable reason. You once believed that confessing your feelings for Chenle would only lead to frustration and heartbreak. However, as you sat here with him, holding his hand, those worries seemed to vanish.

“So…what do we do now?” you asked, unsure of what was supposed to come next in these situations.

A mischievous glint danced in his eyes as he grinned. “I think this is the part where we kiss. But you know, as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Just as you were processing his words, he moved closer, his breath warm against your skin, making your heart flutter. His eyes searched yours for permission. 

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” you whispered.

With that, the distance between you closed, and your lips met in a tender kiss. It was a sweet surrender, a culmination of years of friendship and suppressed feelings. Although this wasn’t your first kiss with Chenle, it felt that way in a sense. For you could finally savor the tender feeling of his lips without questioning the intention behind it.

In that moment, all you focused on was the way Chenle had his hand on the small of your back, guiding you closer as he deepened the kiss. Your fingers found their way to rest on the nape of his neck, feeling the warmth of his skin. 

Although the change in this dynamic had just begun, this newfound connection promised countless moments of shared laughter, whispered confessions, and the sweet warmth of shared kisses. You had a feeling that you could easily get used to this beautiful new normal. By the way Chenle smiled during the kiss, you could tell he felt the same way.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

[ashs-nerd-den]

Studyblr prompt Week 1 - My Study space

I usually study either my desk or by bed, but nobody is seeing my bed on here, and I did up my desk at the start of the summer to make it ADHD friendly, which I have been dying to show off, so this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

The peg board is not only aesthetically pleasing, it is an ADHD saviour. The clear storage means that I can actually see stuff so that way I dont forget that they exist. The pretty notebooks add the aesthetic which draws me in to study and makes it seem more appealing to my brain.

The temporary dumping box is where I throw things when I don't have the energy to put them away because it prevents mess and when I do have the energy, I don't have to pick everything up around the room because they're all in 1 spot.

A lot of people put up pictures of their goals, like their dream university, or the exam results that they want. I put up pictures of my grandparents (that's what's behind the hearts). If I turn out even 1% as amazing as any of them, I will die happy, because they are the most incredible people ever. I'm considering shuffling things around a bit so I can put up a picture of one of my aunties because she is beyond amazing and she is currently doing her masters in psychology (the field I want to go into) while raising her kids and being a carer. I don't use Pinterest for inspiration, my family is more than inspirational enough for me. I could go on for hours about how extraordinary each of them are, but I'll save yous the time.

The water bottle hole was probably for a pen holder, but neither of my pen mugs fit and it gives me a designated place to put my drink so that I don't forget about it, which is good because last time I checked humans need water and not just lucozade and coffee.

There are even more highlighters in the drawer because they are one of my special interests and I love them (I have more in my school pencil case and a full pencil case of highlighters)

Everything is visible with no covering or lids because I will forget that they exist. Adhd object impermance is a BIG thing in my house, and when I say big, I mean it.

The tumb tacs and paper clips are once again part of a stationary special interest that I have had since I was around 8

The different shaped sticky strips and sticky speech bubbles are for annotating things in a way that gets my brain to actually want to look at it. You might be recognising a recurring theme here. If it isn't right infront of me and looks fun, my brain doesn't cooperate.

The day planner is because I want to try to work out a way to do bullet journaling that works for ADHD. Like the way that it was originally created for. But all of the resources are aimed at neurotypicals and nobody can find resources on how to us it for ADHD anymore, even though that was the whole purpose of them (this is not hate towards any neurotypicals that use them, this is hatred of the fact that so many of our resources get shared to neurotypicals and then we lose access to them)

This was longer and more rambly than intended, but I'm both mentally and physically exhausted so I'll probably edit this tomorrow because once it goes into the drafts, it never comes out.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

Previous pinned post.

[louroth]

Hello hello everybody! It is time for another months progress, and I am so excited to share with you, all the things I have gotten my grimy little gremlin hands on. First off, what we are all here for; writing. I have been on fire, to be honest! Last month I churned through the last of the first batch of erotica stories (there's 6 (!!!) of them on my patreon already) and set them up for publishing along with two more unseen ones- I'm still going over the logistics of where to publish for the best revenue (I know this sounds boring, but I have to make an income somehow, and hopefully find another audience as a smut writer on other platforms 💀 I love writing it so why not!), and I am making headway, learning the ins and outs of self publishing. On patreon, there are also two Q&A's that are written in a bit more fictional manner, in character: a more fun way than just writing answers straight up and down. I have enjoyed those so much! There's a bunch of other stuff I haven't even mentioned- honestly, I have to say, I'm really proud of my output on Patreon even though I have been really anxious about writing full time. It's going great! I have to thank my new friends and support-network on discord; you make this all worth it. I cannot express how fun it is to shoot the shit with you in vc, gaming together, or seeing your shenanigans in gen or your in depth theories (thanks for the brainworms!) or memes or staring longingly at the fanfic channel or drooling over your art (ouro related or not) or... Gah. You are just amazing people, and I will waste no opportunity in saying so. Thank you forever and ever and ever an-

When it comes to OUROBOROS, I am happy to announce that the next chapter is damn near done! I was halted because of the discovery that dashingdon is no longer supported by it's creator, and have been working on the twine version ever since, earlier than I expected- it's tough work, but I am so excited to make this an actual game made entirely by myself, and not submitting to a company that quite frankly leaves a bitter aftertaste. It is taking long to make because I want to make it mobile compatible from the start, which there isn't a lot of resources for. But I'm doing my best! The plan is that I will be posting the next chapter for Patreons in the coming month, and then treat you to a full twine release here on tumblr. I haven't made any rewrites when porting the twine build, but I would like to do that too... so we will see; this plan is not set in stone. I will just have to see how it evolves over the next month. Yes, beta-readers is still on the schedule, just holding off a little while while I wrap my head around this new coding landscape.

Other than that, I have been working on the set aesthetic for ouro, which has been really hard, a lot harder than I expected. You all know I am no wizard when it comes to graphic design, but I want to at least develop a set palette and imagery and portraits that is cohesive to the story. The work is ongoing, and I don't have much to say about it- even though it is taking a lot of my brain power. I'm hoping I can come to some kind of set and in depth conclusion that I am happy with before the twine release, because I want the game to feel like a treat to open up and play; a world to get lost in.

That's it! If you want to see weekly and more in depth dev-logs, you know where to go. I hope you have an amazing day or night, and we will see each other soon. xx

[blkgirl-writing]

hey i’m a bit embarrassed because this is the first i’ve ever asked for something like this, but in terms of bg3 fic i think dwarven tavs are super under represented lmao i’d love to see something written for an afab dwarven tav, a lady who is short and stocky and strong!!!! i’m a gale enthusiast but honestly any ideas you may have of like, how the different companions accommodate the difference in body type would be cool :)

you’re work is phenomenal btw!!

Do NOT be embarrassed, anon! This is a beautiful ask and i'm more than happy to make these. I'm sorry they're shorter, I'm more than happy to expand later I'm just out of brain power and have 200+ requests atm!

Fem!Dwarven reader x Baldurs Gate 3 Companions

Astarion

Astarion fucks and he knows how to handle anyone of any shape, size, race, and much more

so he's not phased and treats you no differently, really. And in a way it's nice to not get any special special treatment, though how experienced he is, everything seems like special treatment

I also think dwarves value strength over looks and because of that Astarion wouldn't feel the pressure to seduce as much as normal

Shadowheart

I think shadowheart has a little bit of a bias sometimes, like something or someone she sees as weak may not get her full attention, so some may think she'd e a bit...racist, but NO, she knows how hard dwarves work and how fierce they are in battle and immediately knows she's in safe hands

She may ask a few questions about your history on the battlefield if you have any, power is definitely a huge turn on for her so

to kiss she would get down on your level by kneeling down

Gale

Gale just wants love and sex tbh he'd be unphased and probably into dwarves

I mean he is a wizard who fucks and reads books on fucking in his spare time, are those books really only going to be focused on humans and stuff? nah those books go deep into anatomy on all races

We but he's also just a sweetie and would love to be the big spoon and have room to share his bedroll with you, etc

Wyll

Being the prince charming he is, you're his pretty little princess and will pamper you as much as possible

he doesn't see you as anything but the strongest woman in the world that he also wants to make everything easier for

my mans will go out of the way to be your biggest advocate

he will NOT take slander or racism towards you as a dwarf, even though you could handle it yourself, he just wants you to feel protected, even if really, you protect him more than anything

Karlach

I'll be real karlach will toss you a lot

one time she literally just carried you on her right shoulder for like three hours because your feet got sore, it was wild, you kinda just stayed there because how long could she actually carry you? the answer was forever, but you got sore from sitting for too long so you asked her to put you down

she was kinda disappointed

"awe, we were having so much fun you and i!"

I feel like she'd also pick you up and twirl you around when she's super super happy

(Consider supporting me on Ko-fi)

Tag list, tell me if you want to be added!

@shyminnie07 @makers-breath @claryvoyantfray @black-sapphic

[gloomysoup]

when the world stops turning (my heart stops beating) - pt. 3

happy holidays to all who celebrate! as it stands, i'm posting this on christmas eve after a full evening with my dad's mom and his siblings and all my cousins, before i go to bed to deal with even more family all day tomorrow (we have my mom's side in the morning for brunch and then my dad's dad's house in the late afternoon/evening) BUT i did FINALLY get this part figured out and i couldn't wait to share it! i would apologize, but we all know i'm not actually sorry... oops

anyway i hope you all enjoy it!

ao3 pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4

cw: mentions and discussions of drug use, addiction, sobriety, relapse, referenced overdose, etc. y'know, the usual

The first time Steve ever got high, he was fourteen. Tommy had scored some weed off one of the older basketball guys, Steve’s parents were gone for a weekend. It was perfect. Steve, Tommy, and Carol laid back on the roof of Steve’s childhood home, overlooking the blue glow of the pool and the line of trees beyond the yard, passing a joint back and forth. It was a warm buzz, making his head go all fuzzy. It was nice. Until it wasn't, at least. He liked the feeling of being high. What he didn't like was what came after.

The comedown from that first high was rough, to say the least. Carol was fine; Steve didn't know why it didn't affect her as badly. Steve and Tommy, however, were not so lucky.

It was a while before he ever smoked weed again. He never did anything more than that, though there were plenty of opportunities. And he never smoked alone. It was always parties, or hang outs with Tommy and Carol. It slowed down when he met Nancy. She wasn't a fan of drugs, and always asked him to stop. He never could, but he definitely cut back. Then Nancy shattered his heart, so he picked it back up again. Started smoking on his own. Anything to chase the free feeling of the high. He spent so many nights trying to escape his nightmares and heavy thoughts. He smoked until his head was floating in the clouds. He kept the high until he ultimately passed out, hard, into a fairly dreamless sleep.

And then Starcourt happened.

That was a different high. Slower. It was loose lips, but firm thought. Tethered, but not quite there. It took longer to hit the peak, to really float. When he finally hit it, it was the best he'd felt in a long time. And then he came crashing down. It was the worst he'd felt in his life, aside from the time Billy bashed his head in with a plate. It sucked. It ruined weed for him, if he was honest. Every time he tried after that, his body panicked. His brain would get fuzzy, he'd start to float, and then he'd seize up. His brain would shock him back into reality. He vowed, with the help of Robin, to never get high again. He would finally quit. It wasn't worth the panic attacks and anxiety and trauma response that came with it anymore. He was successful for a while, at least. He'd been sober for almost a year.

That didn't last long after the final battle with Vecna. He and Eddie were friends. They were starting to grow into a little more than that. Steve’s nightmares were awful again. His body was sore and his scars stretched uncomfortably every time he moved. It was Eddie who initially suggested weed, even though he had stopped smoking himself.

“It's actually a pretty good method for pain management,” he said with a shrug. “You just gotta be careful about it. Stick to the natural stuff.”

Eddie didn't know that Steve was sober. Steve never told him. He'd been itching for a good high again anyway; something to clear his head, take some of the pain away, get a good night’s sleep for once. Eddie had handed him an extra joint, leftover from his own stash that he hadn't touched in weeks. Steve went home that night and lit a joint for the first time in almost a year. His sobriety went down the drain, just like that. The worst part? He didn’t even regret it. Not one bit.

He didn't tell Robin. He couldn't. He knew she'd be disappointed in him. She would go back to watching him like a hawk, following him around, and never leaving him alone long enough to even think about getting high. She'd spend every night with him, just like she did those first few months before. He couldn't let her do that to herself again. Not when she was doing so well with Vickie. He wasn't going to ruin her good thing with his own problems. So Robin never knew he relapsed. And Eddie never knew that he was supposed to be sober. He never told a soul.

Steve carried it with him for years. Every time he lit a joint instead of a cigarette, he thought about Robin. Two puffs in, he wasn’t thinking about her anymore, just how nice it felt. He smoked until his head was empty and floating, and then he smoked some more. He smoked by himself a lot. Then the band got recognized, and they were all smoking again too. Steve would smoke with them any chance he got. He never told anyone the secrets he was hiding. He never told anyone the weed wasn’t quite enough anymore. He was perfectly content with what he had, sure, but some deep part of him itched for more. He got cross-faded more times than he could count, just to feel something more.

His first experience with harder drugs was at a party with the band. Their manager had gotten them an invite for promotional purposes. There were supposed to be some high-end producers and such they wanted to network with, and Steve always went with them to these sorts of things. It was innocent, at first. Steve stepped out on the back deck of whatever big shot artist’s house they were at to light a cigarette while Eddie talked music with some people in the living room.

He took a deep inhale, feeling the nicotine saturate his lungs before he blew out the smoke. What he really wanted was some weed, but Eddie had it all on him and Steve didn't want to bother them. This was good for the band. They needed this. Still, a cigarette couldn't only do so much for the itch under Steve’s skin. He had a beer on the railing in front of him, but that's not what he needed. He took another inhale, holding it, hoping it would keep him satisfied until Eddie brought him a joint. It wasn't really working, but Steve was trying to convince himself otherwise.

“Mind if I join you?”

Steve turned to see a slightly older man standing in the doorway. He vaguely recognized him as another musician, but couldn't place his name. “No, not at all. Honestly, I could probably use the company.”

The man nodded and stepped onto the deck, closing the sliding glass door behind him. He took up a place beside Steve, holding out his hand. “Billy.”

Steve laughed at the irony and took his hand. “Of course you are. I'm Steve.”

Billy gave him a curious look. “Something wrong with my name, Steve?”

He shook his head. “No, not at all. It's just a little funny, I guess. I knew a guy named Billy once. Broke a plate over my head, gave me a nasty concussion, and then he died a few months later in a fire at the mall I used to work at. The universe likes to have a good laugh, apparently.”

“Ah, yeah, I'd probably feel the same way then.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a joint, gesturing toward Steve. “Mind if I light?”

“Only if you share,” Steve replied with a laugh before taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Of course, man.” Steve watched Billy pull a lighter from his pocket and light the joint, taking a puff before holding it out toward Steve.

Steve stubbed out his cigarette on the wood railing before taking the joint between his fingers. He took a deep drag, holding it for one, two, three seconds, and then breathing it out slowly. He looked up at the stars as he passed it back. “God, that's exactly what I needed.”

“Tough day?”

Steve shrugged. “More like a tough life. I'd usually be smoking by now anyway, but my, uh, friend has all the weed on him. He's busy talkin’ shop with some other music guys in there, and I didn't wanna bother them. It's important to him.”

“Not your scene then, I take it?”

Steve huffed, taking the joint back between his fingers. “I'm more… emotional support for his band, I guess. Though, I'm not sure they ever needed it. They do just fine on their own.”

“I'm sure they appreciate it anyway.” Billy glanced back at the house as he took the last drag before putting it out. “What do you say we go back in, Steve? I know a guy upstairs with something a little better than weed, if you're interested.”

“Hell, at this point, I might try just about anything. I don't do needles, though. Bad experiences and all.”

Billy laughed and motioned with his head. “Promise, no needles unless you ask.”

“Lead the way, then.”

Steve was floating on the best high of his life. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he didn't really care. He hung out upstairs with Billy and some other industry people for God only knows how long, smoking and laughing and snorting lines of cocaine. Eventually, Steve stumbled his way back downstairs with Billy, laughing the whole way. He bumped into Eddie, physically running into his back where he was scanning the house.

Eddie turned and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, holding him up. “There you are. I was wondering where you went.”

“Eddie!” Steve exclaimed, grinning brightly. He turned to Billy, who had his arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Billy, Billy, this is him. This is Eddie.”

“Oh, yeah! So you're Eddie! You've- you've got a good one, man. Steve's such a riot.”

Eddie seemed taken aback at first, looking between the two of them. His eyebrows furrowed as he took in Steve’s slightly disheveled appearance and wide eyes. “Steve, are you high right now?”

Steve giggled, leaning his face into Eddie’s neck. “Soooo high, baby. I feel great.”

“Alright, I think it's time we go home,” Eddie declared. “Come on, let's go find the guys.”

“But I don't wanna leave,” Steve whined with a pout. “I wanna dance, Eddie. Can't we dance? Please?”

“We can dance at home, Steve. Come on. It's time to go.”

“No fun,” he huffed.

“Steve, look, here, I’ll give you my number,” Billy said, still leaning heavily against him. “You call me. We’ll hang out again sometime, yeah?”

“Definitely. Definitely do that.”

It took Eddie fifteen minutes to drag Steve through the house and track down the rest of his friends. When they found the rest of them, Jeff frowned at Steve.

“What's up with him? Is he okay?”

“Apparently the whole time we were talking to that producer, my boyfriend was getting high off his ass with Billy Corgan. I'm sure he’ll be fine once he sleeps it off.”

“Wait, Billy Corgan?” Gareth asked, eyes wide. “Like the Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins?”

“Apparently they're best friends now.”

“Oh, yeah, Billy’s great,” Steve said through another bout of giggles, leaning all his body weight on Eddie. He cupped his hand around his mouth to whisper, but it wasn't really a whisper. “He knows who has all the good shit, guys.”

“Okay, he is really high,” Grant said. “Guess that's our cue to leave?”

“I don't care if you guys want to stay, but I'm taking Steve home. Just didn't wanna leave without letting you know.”

When Steve and Eddie finally got back to the apartment, Steve sloppily kissed Eddie in the entryway. His hand slipped under Eddie’s shirt, but Eddie pulled him back.

“Baby, no, not tonight,” he murmured. He pushed a lock of hair from Steve’s face. “You're too high for that right now. You need sleep.”

“Want you, though,” Steve whispered, ducking down to suck at his jaw and throat.

“Steve, no. I'm serious. You need to sleep this off.”

Steve huffed, a pout on his full lips. Eddie kissed him softly before wrapping his arm around his waist and leading him to the bedroom. Steve slumped back against the bed immediately upon impact. Eddie carefully and gently undressed him before tucking him into bed. He brought a water bottle and some meds for the morning, placed them on the bedside table, and then changed his own clothes. Steve was out like a light, snoring softly. Eddie held him all night, unable to sleep. He'd never seen Steve get that high before. Part of him worried it was more than weed, but he trusted Steve. He'd ask him in the morning, but he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He didn't think Steve would do more than that. He didn't think he had to worry.

The next morning, Eddie made sure Steve was safe and okay before bringing it up.

“So, last night,” he said over breakfast, poking around at the scrambled eggs he'd whipped up for them.

“Oh, right! How'd it go with that, what was he, a producer?”

“It was fine, but that's not what I'm talking about, Steve.”

Steve frowned. “What is it then?”

Eddie swallowed, not looking at Steve. “You were really high when I finally found you after you wandered off. I need you to be honest, Steve. What did you take?”

“It was weed, Ed. Strong weed, but just weed.”

“You promise?” He looked up, meeting Steve’s eyes. “You promise it's just weed, Steve? I can’t- You have to understand how dangerous that other shit is. I can't lose you to it.”

Steve smiled so easily, like he wasn't lying right to Eddie’s face. Like he didn't have a baggie of coke in the pocket of his jeans, which were laying on the bedroom floor. “I promise that's all it is.”

And Eddie believed him, like an idiot. He trusted him, because it was so easy to fall for those eyes and that smile. He didn't think Steve would ever do anything like that. He had no reason to believe otherwise. He didn't know that Steve had been sober for almost a year before that spring break from Hell.

Steve lied for years, to everyone. He was good at it. It was easy. He didn't even think twice before the lies tumbled past his lips. The problem was how simple it was to score. How easy. He never had to turn far. He was listed as a personal assistant to the band. He was handing drugs to pass on to them all the time, but Corroded Coffin didn't do any of that stuff. They always turned it down. They knew what it did to people, especially in the industry. It was a dangerous thing. Every time the members ignored the drugs being passed to them, Steve slipped them in his pocket instead. No one ever noticed. The more fame and recognition the band got, the easier it became for Steve to score whatever he wanted. Pills, tabs, cocaine, heroin, the works. He never strayed far from coke and pills, still wary of needles from the Russians, but it was a high he couldn't get with weed alone. It was addicting. He wouldn't have been able to stop on his own even if he wanted to.

He snuck off to do a line or two every chance he got. If the band’s backs were turned for even a few seconds, he was popping a couple of colorful pills. He smoked weed every other night, whenever Eddie wanted to smoke. He smoked on his own occasionally, slowing down his body through the rush of a good high. It was nothing like he’d ever experienced before, and he couldn't get enough of it.

Then he was at the biggest show of Eddie’s career. Sold out at Madison Square Garden. Roaring crowds, electricity flowing through Steve’s veins. He was only going to do a quick line. He just wanted to keep the energy, soothe the itch. One line turned to two, then three, then some pills. Then everything went dark.

The first thought to cross his mind as his vision tunneled and his body began to shut down was that he should have told them the truth. He never should have lied to Eddie, or Robin. He never should have taken that joint from Eddie all those years ago. He should still be sober. But he wasn't, and now he was going to die, and it's his own fault. He fell to his vices. He didn't talk to Robin, like he always promised he would do if the urges came back. Instead, he got into the harder stuff, and now it was going to kill him. The clock had finally run out. The Reaper was knocking on his door.

That would be the end of Steve Harrington.

-----

tag list: @mugloversonly @djohawke @acowardinmordor @hallucinatedjosten @geekyfifi @slowandsteddie @estrellami-1 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @canmargesimpson

(if you saw this upload twice no you didn't. i definitely didn't forget the tag list)

[comfortlesshurt]

2024 Skyler Wrapped

Little 2024 update because my ass can never get enough statistics! (I enjoy the writing, but I fear my true love is math.)

Anyway, skip this post if it will bother you reading about a year of someone else's achievements! I will totally understand. Literally jerkin' myself off under the cut on this post, my dudes.

This year's new fics (in order of date first posted):

Ratings and TWs can be found at the links. Please check the TWs before reading!

09-Jun-2024: 5 Times Lance Doesn't Matter +1 Time He Finally Does (my first fic after an 18-month break!)

01-Jul-2024: Smiling 'cause you're used to it (a house that's always haunted) (first fic where I truly let myself go wild & write for my own dick & no one else)

03-Jul-2024: Chemicals, chemicals in my brain (where'd you go, where'd you go anyway?) (first time writing the fluffy part & enjoying it)

01-Aug-2024: Nowhere to call home (so I'll pack and run away) (first time completing a writing challenge on time)

10-Sep-2024: What are you wondering? (What do you know?) (I hate this one actually, but I wrote it this year so we'll just give it..... shortest fic I've written in AWHILE)

15-Sep-2024: On it, yes, indeed (on it, watch me bleed) (ugh opposite problem... I loved this one! but there's nothing really standout about it, I guess. just accept that I love it even if it doesn't have a Special Thing)

14-Oct-2024: 5 Times Keith Relies on the Blade +1 Time... (first time creating something to celebrate a fictional character's birthday. also first OCs with more than one line of dialogue, I think)

07-Dec-2024: With talk of love (as I make-pretend) (first work for a gift exchange! whole new scary experience for me!)

22-Dec-2024: Maybe this thing works out (if I'm lying too) (longest thing I have EVER written and shared. the inspiration for this thing is endless, I fear)

Stats I thought were interesting:

I wasn't actually back in fandom until June 3rd, 2024, so all the AO3 stats are based on the difference between my snapshot of that date and my snapshot on December 31st, 2024. Not a huge difference; it's just chopping out all the January through June interaction with my Spider-Man stuff that was already up since the last time I took a stats snapshot before that was 2021.

Published in 2024: 92k words, all VLD!

Written in 2024 but not yet published: 188k words, also all VLD

General new stats in 2024: 128 new work subs (we're so back), 20k new hits, 1.2k new kudos, 94 new comment threads (and i happy screamed at every single one), & 339 new bookmarks (and i crept through every single one with comments or tags attached... like a creep...)

New finished works: 7

New unfinished works: 2

Top artist for title lyrics this year: Those Who Dream at 16 unique titles (1 work title & 15 chapter titles)

Word count range for 2024 published fics: 527 (complete snippet) to 26k (WIP)

Most common additional tags: Keith-centric, POV Keith, Hurt/Comfort (these are surely surprising to you....)

Number of times I used the word 'just' in published & unpublished fics this year: 993 (0.355% of all words I wrote were this word.......)

Other milestones: first time writing someone who was Not My Blorbo and having fun with it, first time writing without it being an escape from something terrible, first shipfic, first time participating in a fandom event where there would be Consequences if I'd backed out, first explicit content posted on my main account, closest I've ever gotten to finishing NaNo* with one single project, first time c*mm*ssioning art for my fics, first time learning you have to censor the word c*mm*ssion to avoid getting scam bots in your tumblr DMs (just a huge milestone year actually)

New word count for this year technically doesn't beat my previous record of 315k in 2021, but 1) I was only employed full-time for 5 months of 2021 so I had way more free time then and 2) I didn't write a single word in 2024 before June 3rd, so 280k in 7 months of 2024 feels like a lot more than 315k in 12 months of 2021.

Also since literally no one IRL cares, some non-writing achievements I'm also proud of for 2024! Going in rough order from earliest in 2024 to latest:

Quit the most abusive job I've ever experienced

And immediately got my first job in my intended career field

Finally coded an AO3 stats tracker after 6 years of having it in the back of my mind

Grew my first ever eggplant (it was very small....)

Paid off my car

First semi-solo business proposal presented with a base price totaling more than all of the bids combined that I supported over 2 years at my last job

Made new friends I love <3

Acquired an unquenchable thirst for vld merch....

Went to my first con

And finally as of today, I'm under 89% of my original mortgage balance & on track to own this thing in half the original loan term! (praying this series of words doesn't wake up the sugar daddy bot again, he LOVES when I discuss my mortgage)

Also, some shoutouts for the year! In order of when we first met:

@zelandiangelo for being one of the few OGs I know still around and always being so nice to talk to and supportive. ;_; In case anyone's forgotten, they're the one who convinced me to write and post my first ever hurt/comfort fic and sucked me right back into fandom after I'd been clean for like... six years at that point.

For the record, there are other OGs and I'm glad to see them around! We're just not as close (but you can change that in 2025 ;) )

@hurtwithabitofcomfort for also being crazy supportive through all the fandoms I've been through. I didn't get to shout 'em out last year since I wasn't active on Tumblr then, but they're the one who kicked off me getting back into writing in 2023. I know I didn't SHARE anything from 2023, but they made me see how much I loved writing again around that time when the rest of my life kinda sucked and I was giving up on everything.

@perpetuallylatetothefandomparty for their incredibly nice comments! Deadass, I probably would've just posted my first one or two fics of this year and disappeared for another year or two if they hadn't been such a constant presence this summer, hyping up all the gen fics I was working on then.

@voltrohgodwhat for being so easy to talk to and being the kind of friend where either of us can like... disappear for a month and still be totally cool with each other. Also for sharing WIPs that still haunt me on a weekly basis because they're so unique and good ;_;

@existwound for being too intimidatingly cool for awhile but STILL hyping me up. If you've liked anything I've posted in the past three months or so, you've probably got Astra to blame for brainstorming it with me, letting me ramble about it, giving me fresh ideas when I'm stuck on something, or hyping it up.

@langst for always yapping to me about Klance and ALSO hyping up my WIPs and letting me ramble about ideas. Also special shoutout to El because she got me back into writing sprints and that is the source of a LOT of this recent word count. There is something so special about getting to stomp people's asses as you write.......

I'm not gonna harass all the writers I like who aren't like... people I talk to regularly, but even though this has been a VERY light reading year for me, there's a whole little list of VLD writers who I read over and over and like... instantly got motivation to write on my own fics afterward. If you've been in any of my 2024 fic rec lists, it's you... you are my motivation....

(Also, I am OLD and don't have my incredible teenage memory anymore, so if you see me add someone to the shoutouts later, no you didn't and I'm SORRY for not remembering in the first place.)

And final thing! Goals for 2025!

500k written in 2025: Just a little above my daily average in 2024 when you account for the 5 months I wasn't writing this year. The goal is to keep up the pace I've had since June 2024, but extend it through the full 12 months of 2025. Might be a bit of a reach but hey, I'll be happy to get anywhere near 500k in a year, so it works!

Start posting In Love and Death by the end of 2025: I'm running SO behind on where I thought I'd be with this project when I started, but there is no excuse for this to not be close enough to finished to start posting by the end of next year. Mark my words.......

Continue posting work I love: I fell out of habitually writing the last time because I was writing based on what I thought other people wanted to read and holy shit, it is so much easier to write what I want to read. So I'm gonna keep doing that in 2025. In 2024 we moved between gen whump, semi-shippy whump, and shippy non-whump, and I enjoyed them all because that was what I felt like writing at the time. I'll slide between them all as I feel like it again in 2025.

Prioritize my mental health online: I've mostly gotten through it fine, but every burst of bad mental health that affected my writing this year was a direct result of continuing to follow people who are just plain assholes and ruining my mood for no good reason when I'm trying to enjoy scrolling my dash. In 2025, I'll be reminding myself more often that no one is talented enough to make up for being a dick, and I will be more brutal with the unfollow and block buttons for anyone who's making my fandom experience worse.

[nymph-ette111]

Hiiii, I really like your writing and style and I wanted to see if you could right eyeless jack x fem reader with really big scars from acid on her back (not self inflicted).

No need to rush and I hope you have a good day 😭🩷

WARNINGS; MENTIONS OF CHEMICAL AND FIRE BURNS, INACCURACIES BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESEARCH SHIT

AUTHOR'S NOTE; I just realized that I don't put warnings in any of my posts, oops... also the information online wasn't really useful for what I had in mind so I hope this is good enough :( anyways love you nonnie and I'm so happy you like my style and writing<3

-let me tell you this... Jack is the last person EVER to judge someone, physically at least.

-he relates to you on a certain level.

-both having your own body disfigured from the selfish hands of others, with no power to heal the damage that has been done.

-imagine the first time he saw your scars. whether it be changing your clothes in front of him or wearing something slightly revealing.

-he wouldn't have a reaction. why would he? Jack acknowledges the fact that everyone wants their privacy to be respected. he wouldn't straight up throw thousands of questions at you; who did this, how did it happen, when did it happen, no. he'd be extremely respectful. if you didn't bring up the topic why should he? last thing he wants to do is make you uncomfortable or trigger any bad memories.

-but don't get me wrong... he might be a little curious about the cause of the injury... what type of burn is it?

-he'd put two and two together just from observing the looks of it and come to the conclusion that it's infact, a chemical burn.

-it's just that polymathic ( did I use that correctly) side of his brain that pushes him to think such thoughts. he intends no harm. it's up to you if you want tell him any further than that.

-if you do, he'd gladly do even more research on his own.

-he just loves to learn these types of things and how it affects the human body and stuff :3 even if it's outside of his profession and field of study.

-if you end up running out of any creams or ointments there's a pretty big chance he has it in that makeshift pharmacy of his; basically a cabinet full of different types of medicine and such.

^I'm not very sure if you have to use any creams to prevent irritation or anything like that for acid burn scars, the internet isn't being very helpful for me :(

-whether you're confident and very much over the damage or insecure of it. it doesn't matter how you view your scars, because he'll always find himself admiring it from time to time. it's just a part of you that he loves.

-will not tolerate any nasty stares or unnecessary comments directed towards you.

-if you're comfortable with it, you'd often feel Jack's rough hands gently caressing your back late at night whenever you two are sharing the bed <3

[songmingisthighs]

My Mommy

February Filth Fest - 8; mommy kink

group : ateez

pairing : jongho × reader

genre : smut, sub!jongho, dad!ateez

word count : 2.8 k

warning : mdni, smut (not piv), handjob, breastfeeding kink, boobs obsessed jongho, mommy!reader, sub!jongho, mentions of pregnancy-related crack-a-doodle-doo, jongho has oral fixation ?, slight impregnation kink at the end ??

a/n : finally the last part to fff !!! eeek i'm so happy that i'm actually able to deliver my promise and post for all 8 members PLUS an extra. initially i wanted to do four extras but as you know, i managed to post one extra while the other three are still on my notes. tho I'd maybe post them later as a personal project >:)

"Gaho is finally asleep,"

Jongho lifted his head from his book and watched you enter your shared room from his side of the bed. You walked in groaning after struggling to put your 7-month-old baby girl to sleep for the night as he had just learnt the joys of sight and hearing so she became rather fussy. "Are you okay?" Genuine worry dripped from Jongho's voice when he saw you place the baby monitor on your nightstand as you sat down on your side of the bed. You turned to look at him and shot him a grateful smile, mouthing a 'thank you' as you were unable to use your voice.

"You know," the bed behind you dipped as Jongho placed his hands on your shoulders to gently massaged the sore muscles, "I wouldn't mind helping feed her when I'm around. Heck, I'll even clean her poopy diaper and give her a bath," he offered as he pressed his lips to the side of your head lovingly. You let out a hum of appreciation, smiling at how nice it felt to be massaged by him. He always bragged about how strong he is and while he used that as an advantage against his band members, he used it to spoil you with his love. "Yeah, but you work all the time and during weird hours for recording and stuff so I'd rather you rest whenever you can," it was true, you saw how your husband works so hard to provide for your family and honestly seeing him rest well and do some things just for himself was comfort enough for you.

You accidentally let out a moan followed by your head rolling and falling back in pleasure when Jongho relieved the pressure on a sore spot. Jongho's fingers froze for a second when he heard you moan, the sound sent a thrill straight to his gut and suddenly his mind started replaying some memories of you fucking yourself on his cock. It wasn't like he planned on thinking about it, nothing specific was turning him on (other than your moans), but you were right there under his touch. His eyes glazed while his fingers moved on their own accords, massaging your sore muscles to elicit more sounds from you that just made him inhale shakily. His mind was fuzzy with images of you naked on top of him or taking him in your mouth or even you stepping on his cock as he humped on your heels to get off. God, how he missed the days he could just be depraved and not feel guilty because there wasn't a baby in the next room. Then his thoughts shifted to the image of you during your pregnancy. It was around your third month and as you said, it was the sweet spot where your body informed the twins in the apartment but not the troll in the basement. While you loved how perky they were, Jongho loved how he was able to play with them all he wants. It wasn't like he wasn't attracted to your boobs before the pregnancy it was just that now there were more of it and you were lactating. Just the thought of him suckling your breasts and drinking your milk while you writhe under or on top of him, grinding to his hard cock due to oversensitivity got Jongho's cock to spring up to its full size.

Jongho only snapped back into reality when you pulled away from his touch and stood up, saying something along the lines of having to change out of your spittle-covered shirt that barely registered into Jongho's boob-induced brain detachment. Thought what came next wasn't much better for him as you whipped your shirt off and revealed your bare boob, hanging heavy on your chest with your nipples pebbled. Jongho's jaw immediately went slack and his tongue darted out as a reflex when he saw the shine on the peaks from you breastfeeding your daughter, immediately wanting a taste. Despite what your parents said and your baby's paediatrician's suggestion, you didn't want to stop breastfeeding until she was at least one year old as you heard the many benefits that formula just couldn't give. Plus, it was like strapping a treadmill to your chest, where else can you dump 500 calories daily? It was a win-win-win solution for everyone in your family. The baby gets her food, nutrient, immune boost, and neurological benefit among other things, you get to not worry about wanting cheeseburgers at 12 am, and Jongho gets some action whenever he wants.

As you dump your dirty shirt to the floor and turned to ask Jongho if he saw your favourite sleeping shirt, you noticed how his eyes zeroed in on your chest, completely transfixed. "Jongho?" You called out with eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Are you okay?" Of course, he didn't answer verbally, he simply nodded slowly before tilting his head to the side slightly as if to follow with the movements of your breasts.

Knowing him, you knew what he was thinking and it wasn't that hard to guess since his dick was begging to be released from his sweatpants. "Aww, are you staring at my boobies, baby?" you chuckled, walking back to him with your boobs hanging free, intentionally swaying to make them jiggle slightly. Jongho's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets as his throat swallowed the imaginary lump that formed. Your confidence skyrocketed just from Jongho staring at you, he made you feel like you were the only woman he'd ever need and want, like you're the most beautiful and precious person in the world.

Reaching the bed, your kneed dipped first as you tower over Jongho, hands cupping his face gently as you gazed at him lovingly but your fingers were rather firm with your thumb pressing onto his bottom lip. "Does baby want his play time before bed?" You asked, tone lower than your previous, the same one you used on Jongho when you mean business. Immediately, Jongho took notice of your tone and he nodded frantically, "Yes, mommy."

In a flash, you found yourself on your shared bed, your back against the headrest with pillows providing a comfortable surface while Jongho was on top of you. A soft exhale escaped your lips as Jongho's lips work fervently to plant marks all over your skin from the side of your neck down to your chest. "You're hungry, aren't you, baby?" You teased with a giggle, knowing that despite his neediness, he still had his pride and the whine that he let out simply boosted your ego. Despite his protests, his lips never ceased their work, clustering to your cleavage and only venturing out slightly to butterfly his pattern. Gently, you cupped his face with your hand and lifted his face to look at you, "Tell me what you want, baby," and Jongho grabbed onto your thighs harshly from trying to contain his excitement, wanting to be good for you. "I want your milk," you were about to scold him for not calling you by your title when he suddenly leaned back and took your left nipple between his teeth, tugging them hard enough to cause you pleasure while still ensuring you wouldn't feel hurt, "I want my mommy's milk," he said, tongue laying flat on the nipple he just teased.

With his words, you leaned back slightly lower to make sure you were in a more comfortable position as Jongho took this as a sign for him to switch positions as well. He laid on the left side of your body, his legs slightly spread as his hands groped your tits gently. You hummed in approval, loving how he was being considerate of your pleasure even when you wanted to give him his. Gasps even left your lips when Jongho squeezed just hard enough that trickles of breast milk fell out of your nipples, effectively causing Jongho's cock to thrash in its confinement as his tip began creating a wet spot that was mere seconds away from being visible through his sweatpants. But he remained patient as best as he could, reminding himself to not do anything that could result in you punishing him. It was established between you two that he was not supposed to do anything until he got your permission and you were proud that he was able to be so obedient even when he was being so needy. The dark orbs of his eyes were twinkling with anticipation, looking up at you so patiently whilst his fingers massaged your tender flesh. He wasn't the only one who wanted him to suck on your boobs, you've always found a certain attraction towards seeing his pretty lips on you and the fact that he could just be so adorable and submissive in the bedroom for you and ONLY for you.

"Go ahead baby, enjoy your meal," you commanded.

Jongho wasted no time before he latched his mouth to your left boob and began sucking greedily. You winced at the first impact, surprised at how harsh he was being with you but that was just proof of how much he wanted you. It was endearing. Painful, but endearing.

"Fuck, Jongho, slow down," you winced, cringing when he bit onto your nipple a little bit too hard. "Sorry," He mumbled against your flesh, momentarily pausing from his sucking to place kisses as if to compensate for his rough treatment. But of course, he soon went back to drinking your breastmilk. Jongho truly enjoyed the taste of you as the liquid gushed from your nipples, coating his tongue and filling his mouth. He wasn't sure if it was the taste of you per se or it was the fact that it was just something your body created and he was enjoying YOU.

It wasn't hard to see that Jongho was having his own fun. You noticed his hard cock straining against the soft material of his sweatpants but he didn't seem like he cared about it much. Jongho froze when he felt you taking his cock out of his sweatpants, the cold air hitting his warm skin made him shudder and clench his jaws slightly. You pecked his forehead gently to calm his nerves down, "Don't worry baby, mommy will take care of you," you reassured, making him relax slightly.

The moment you started pumping Jongho, he couldn't help but let his eyes flutter close, enjoying the new attention you were giving his cock. Slowly, his mind was flowing with pleasure, mouth almost automatically continued its movement on your boob as the hand that was working on your other boob moved on its own accord. The feeling was amazing, having Jongho powerfully milking your tits with his mouth and his hand. Of course, the stimulations were different but in a good way, you were able to enjoy the different textures that gave different types of pleasure. He made you feel good that you started working on him harder. You knew he liked a bit of pain with his pleasure, opting for you to be as rough as you want with him as he tried to take it all. Jongho exhaled sharply when your fingers trailed down to his balls and cupped them firmly, squeezing slightly to the point that his tip spurted a tiny bit of precum. "You like that, baby? You like mommy playing with your big dumb cock?" Pathetically, Jongho nodded his head quickly, causing his teeth to scrape on your boob, "How can you neglect your cock like this? Look at it, it's hard and red and it's already leaking without me having to do much," the condescending laugh you let out made Jongho curl into your body for comfort, slightly ashamed but revelling at how you put him down so easily, "Oh, what would you do without me? Your balls would have been permanently blue had it not been for me teaching you what to do." Jongho moaned when you resume pumping him, tugging on his thick cock that could barely fit in your hand as his mouth drooled all over your tits and dripped to your stomach.

Without a verbal answer from him, you felt yourself getting slightly ticked. Much to Jongho's disappointment, you used the hand that grabbed onto his cock to pull his head back by his hair. "Mm- Ahh!" He whined, lips trying to find your tit to suck again. "Bad baby," a slap was delivered to his face, not a harsh one but hard enough that it made his eyes glaze slightly, "What do you say to mommy for teaching you how to use your dumb cock?" you growled. His response came first with his hand reaching for your hand that was holding onto his hair to place it back on his throbbing cock. Grinding up against your pal, you felt him twitch slightly, part of the tip slightly wet from his precum smearing. "Thank you mommy for teaching me how to use my dumb cock and giving you a baby, making you a real mommy," he said, the corners of his lips twitching slightly as he was teasing you. You had teased him multiple times in the past about how his mommy kink will eventually turn you into a real mommy so when you found out you were pregnant, Jongho was beyond ecstatic. Not only because now you both have a tiny human that was a combination of the both of you but also because he had finally gotten something to tease you with.

"Fuck," you groaned, resuming pumping him with one hand as the other grabbed his head and forced him back to suckle on you. Happily, Jongho complied, sucking more and more of your milk as you jacked him off. It was heaven for him to be able to enjoy you like that. His free hand that was groping your free tit started to grope harder, taking your pebbled nipple between his fingers to tweak and rub at them. At that point, you were sure that you were soaking through your panties and sleep shorts but of course, you couldn't care less when your husband was so close to cumming all over your hand. Jongho was a whimpering mess at this point, his grip on you tight as if he was trying to control his reflexes. His mouth was no longer sucking on your tit but it was still latched on, his tongue swiping your skin in an attempt to calm himself. The more you pumped his cock and the quicker your movements, the more he became erratic. His hips were moving on their own accords despite Jongho trying to keep still. "I- I'm close," he mumbled into your flesh, face hiding away from you in the embarrassment of his confession. You couldn't help but chuckle at how adorably shy he was. Even after making love and fuking each other multiple times over the years, he still couldn't shake how self-conscious he was. Which you have ensured that you loved and adored that side of him.

"Come on, be a good boy and cum for mommy,"

Jongho's eyes screwed shut as he moaned into your flesh in his mouth, cumming with spurts of his semen splattering all over your skin and his; thighs, abdomen, and some even got onto your chest from the way his tip was positioned. You didn't stop jerking him as he rode his high, mimicking his mouth that returned to sucking your very tender boob but a lot gentler. This time, you started moaning from the stimulation and your hand slowed down its movement on Jongho's cock to the point that it was just stroking him gently with the lightest feather touch and even then, his dick was still responding with twitches. Though he had just came, his dick was still hard and maybe you had yourself to blame for still touching him and moaning but you were only a human and you didn't hear Jongho complaining.

It wasn't until Jongho unlatched his mouth from you and sat up a bit that he noticed the wet patch on your sleep shorts. Suddenly he moved on top of you, trapping you under him as he started peppering kisses all over your face. Then he trailed down your body; from your neck to your cleavage, then stopping momentarily at the band of your sleeping shorts. "How about I thank mommy for helping me cum?" he asked after placing a soft kiss on your lower belly as his hands slowly pulled your sleep shorts and panties completely off of you. You let out a hum when Jongho started placing soft kisses on your pussy, teasing you by intentionally letting his lips linger near your clit and on the sides of your folds but not on the centre yet. "How about another baby?" suddenly Jongho delivered a harsh and quick lick by shoving his tongue between your folds and up, flicking your clit in the process. A yelp escaped you when Jongho used his hands to part your legs and folded them slightly to open yourself to him. Your glistening core was glaring at him and he couldn't help but lick his lips, hungry for a different taste of you.

"Yeah, I'm gonna make you a mommy again."

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[periwinkla]

Heya, pokeattorney anon here!

Glad to hear you're feeling better, let's hope that the road to full recovery continues smoothly. I'm so happy to see you posting art again!

I love the idea of Trucy with a little group of buneary assistants, that sounds completely adorable.

I also think pawmot is a great choice for Athena, I imagined her liking electric types, and it has a bunch of fur on its head that kind of looks like Athena's ponytail. I like it when a trainer and their pokemon have a similar color scheme.

I just realized that I forgot about Ema, but honestly your picks are perfect I have nothing to add.

I generally don't give legendaries either, but I thought that reshiram and zekrom were just too fitting. It would be pretty incredible and hype if reshiram showed up during the climax of a case, like aai2-4, when Edgeworth proves his dedication to finding the truth.

Now onto the important stuff, your BW AU is soooo big brained, I'm a massive fan of the idea! If you ever come up with more thoughts about it please please share! I would actually lose my mind if you drew something about it I think. There's just so much potential, imagine the ferris wheel scene! And instead of having Phoenix and Edgeworth be opponents in court, they could have pokemon battles, and Phoenix would show him that pokemon can form genuine bonds of friendship with people! Unnecessary feelings, but it's Edgeworth realizing that pokemon are so much more than battling machines, which is what von Karma probably taught him, and realizing that he didn't treat them the way they deserve! Unfortunately, I played BW too long ago, so the plot isn't fresh in my mind, I might be remembering some parts wrong. I think N used pokemon that were found nearby, I'm not sure if Edgeworth would do that? I think it's more likely that von Karma drills into him that strength is everything (like evidence is everything), so he'd use pokemon similar to him, then switch back to using his childhood team during the equivalent of aa2. Having him come back to kick Neo Plasma's ass would be so amazing, though I think that the time between BW and B2W2 could also be the 7yg, if that AU is for the entire series. There's so many ways this could go, and I'm very curious about what else you have in mind!

Again, very happy that you're making a comeback, take care of yourself!

Hi again anon!! Thank you so much!! <3 I'm happy to hear from you again :)

I also enjoy the idea of partner pokémon having matching color schemes with their trainers. It's just so very cute and sweet!

It's true, Reshiram/Zekrom fit them very well, and especially Reshiram during 2-4 as you said. I mean I guess if the courtrooms were bigger, they could fit them in. Although the judge would probably hide under his desk. Shaking in his robes. Poor guy.

Oh gosh the ferris wheel scene...!!!!!! Phoenix shaking because he's afraid of heights but going in anyway because it's a chance to be alone with Miles. Miles notices him trembling and he's like 'why on earth didn't you say anything?!'. Once they get off Phoenix feels like hell and probably empties all contents of his stomach and Miles needs to help him through it and they end up spending a lot of time together. Still, Phoenix thinks: 'worth it'. (also side note I know in the ENG ver Miles is said to be afraid of heights as well but it's not like that in JP)

Also yes, them battling it out. While bantering like they do in court. That's like. Narumitsu at its finest. Phoenix wants to make him realize that people can't live without pokémon, that it's a symbiotic relationship. The bond he shares with his mons is what made it possible for him to stand in front of Edgeworth in the present... And he wants to make him remember when they were children, and played with pokémon together.

As for what I believe Miles to think, there's a very long explaination below.

(you opened a Pandora's box here I hope you're aware)

BW are actually my favourite pokémon games, so I remember them fairly well. In BW's plot, Team Plasma's goal is to 'liberate pokémon from trainers', but that's actually just a front, as Ghetsis' true objective is to gain power by taking it from everyone else (ie. if no one has pokémon but he does, he's the most powerful). There are some Plasma members who are genuine, but there are some that much like Ghetsis use and abuse pokémon (there's an incident with them beating a Munna for example). I think von Karma would have more or less the same goals as Ghetsis: he puts up a front, telling Edgeworth that all pokémon must be liberated from trainers' control. Basically 'every defendant is guilty' = 'every pokémon trainer abuses pokémon'. But in truth Von Karma's true goal is to have all power for himself. To the public, VK wants to appear as someone who fights for justice for pokémon, much like in AA where he is a prosecutor that upholds justice (in theory).

As for the issue of N using the pokémon nearby - yes, that's true. Basically he asked the pokémon nearby to help him with his battles against the protagonist. But uh, well, I don't know how to go about that either. Personality wise, N is very different from Miles in the first place. Miles is not exactly the type that easily asks for help. But in any case I think he most probably uses some pokémon from his childhood (like Ralts/Gardevoir) and some that VK gave him (like Bisharp - who Ghetsis also owns and fits VK as well as Miles).

We also need to establish how and why Miles admires his father. I would see Gregory as a Gym leader. One that preaches the importance of the emotional connection between trainer and pokémon. A defining trait of Unova's gym leaders is that they have a job outside of their gym (ex. one is a model, another a painter, the three twins own a restaurant, etc.). A job that would fit Gregory (other than lawyer) would be a teacher at a pokémon school, I think. Also since he's a Gym leader he would be taking care of his city/community, for example when a pokémon goes berserk and needs to be calmed down, or in case of... maybe a fire? a fire would be pretty common in the pokémon world I think. Miles would think of him as a hero, just like he does in AA. I also think it would fit him to secretly work for Interpol (like Looker) and be secretly investigating VK (who's maybe a very influencial businessman and in the public eye, and an undefeated trainer as well).

Now there's the issue of how DL-6 would translate to this AU. I think the earthquake should still happen (since Edgeworth's phobia of earthquakes and elevators is an important bit of his character). And it should tie with the reason Edgeworth agrees with von Karma's goal of liberating pokémon. So he would think that trainers shouldn't have pokémon and pokémon should be free. So let's say... Gregory and Miles go to visit a pokémon school, and take the elevator. There's a trainer battle outside the school, and a pokémon goes berserk and uses Earthquake, but it's too strong, and the elevator stops. There's Yanni Yogi in the elevator too (his job here is irrelevant) and same thing as canon happens. One of his pokéballs falls to the ground, and Miles in a panic grabs whatever he can find on the ground and throws it. Now I don't really know which pokémon it would contain, maybe a Bouffalant? Yogi's pokemon doesn't actually cause Gregory's death, they all faint like in AA's canon. But von Karma is outside the elevator, and Bouffalant gets out hurriedly and injures him. In his anger he throws his Beheeyem out and controls the Bouffalant to kill Gregory. (Beheeyem can manipulate and erase or rewrite his opponent's memories, so I'd think something like this would be possible) I chose a Bouffalant because of its horns, I would say in an autopsy it could be easily proved if it were a Bouffalant's horns. Also the Boufallant would have blood on them. The court declares that Yanni ordered Bouffalant to attack. And Hammond goes with the insanity plea. The Bouffalant is also probably put down. Miles of course blames himself and has nightmares about it, thinking it to be his fault, dreaming Bouffalant attacked because he made the mon come out in a stressful situation. Even though Miles passed out as soon as he threw the ball, so he wouldn't know. So Miles thinks he shouldn't have pokémon either, and promises to free all of them once he's done with his goal of liberating them. Now as to how Phoenix gets the truth out of him, since the bullet thing here wouldn't apply - I would say he simply defeats him in battle at the end and VK just confesses right there saying how much he hated Gregory and how much he despises Miles as well and how much of a disappointment he is (just like Ghetsis rejects N as a son at the end).

As to why von Karma hated Gregory... I'd say it was because they both took part in a battle, and Gregory was able to defeat one of his pokémon, although he didn't win. I would also think von Karma would do something to his pokémon to make them more powerlful artificially, like illegal use of black market drugs or equipment and suchlike. And Gregory was trying to unmask him (the Interpol thing I brought up earlier).

To be honest I'm not sure how to integrate the whole AA series because BW and BW2 are only 2 years apart, meanwhile AA1 and AA6 are 11 years apart or so. Also I'm not sure how it would work for Phoenix to lose his license: would that mean he's not allowed to battle or to own pokémon at all? We don't really know how that works in the pokémon world. But I think BW2 would be a good way to integrate both AA2 and AA3's stories. Anyway, I'll end it here because this was already rambly enough and it's basically becoming an essay haha. Thank you again so much anon! Take care of yourself too!!! And again don't be afraid to reach out whenever you like! <3

[cicaklah]

2024 fic review

hello friends. what a year that was. here's a review of all the writing I did about blorbo.

January

Started out strong with part 9 of the one man series: life's a beach. I'm really happy with this one and think it is one of the strongest of the one man non-chaptered stories, but despite the fact its full of Spirk having happy sex on holiday, it didn't seem to do that well at the time, but has now started to catch up.

I followed this with my first Voyager fic: there is water (at the bottom of the ocean) which I am honestly still really proud of. It was a Threshold day celebration fic, and Threshold has always been one of my favourite episodes even before it became a meme. It was an honour to write them having weird sex.

March

In march I published friday I'm in love, the one man story where they break up. This is heavy on the OCs, as any story set on the Farragut will be, but I think it worked.

also in march @diana-fortyseven and I were chatting and then I wrote dedicated to the one I love mostly in chat to her, and it was so filthy I had to share it with the class. Diana and Grey fantasising about 47 and fucking about it, while he listens.

finally in march I wrote an abundance of caution, a Pike/Spock SNW fic that was the first story I ever wanted to write in SNW, back in season 1. Where Pike is being haunted by those damn time crystals again.

April

I started publishing my TOS Spirk PWP meandering story a job like any other. I really like the style of this one, and want to write more of it this year.

May

then I wrote nothing until the very end of may, when I published my magnum fuck-opus: subspace rhapsorgy Its literally the plot of subspace rhapsody but instead of singing they're having really filthy free-use sex. I'll never top this.

June

anyway 10 days later I nearly died of sepsis and that kind of wrote off June. I had signed up for thyla bang, then tried to default when I went into hospital, was instead given an extension, which I didn't make because erm, I was dying. the runner of that challenge reacted totally reasonably by blocking me from everything and writing her own story for the art I had claimed. fuck you muse!

July

In july I pushed myself way too hard to publish said fic no glove no love, which is fine, but I'm mostly annoyed that her fic has more hits than mine. It just doesn't really seem fair, but also, its a pon farr fic without any sex, so who am I kidding? its never going to blow the doors off.

I spent the rest of July frantically trying to reclaim my brain post-sepsis by doing the most difficult task possible, sorting out the plot of a sex farce. Said farce was put on your red shoes and dance the blues. Honestly I should have spent July recovering more, but turns out I'm way more spiteful than I thought I was.

August

I had a busy august of wasting money I didn't have being turned away from a plane because my passport was out of date, not being able to walk without my bladder filling with blood, then having surgery, then getting a post surgical infection and having to go back into hospital. I did however finally finished cleaning up the second part of the Diana/Grey/47 threesome fic: a little wicked.

September

I wrote we'll build our altar here after binging the boys in a week, and then promptly lost interest.

October

I spent September and October trying to write the next part of one man, including 20k of a story I still haven't posted, before giving up and splitting it into three stories. The first of these, you probably think this song is about you about Jim's time post-Gala, was published here. I think its probably the best one man story, in terms of how well written it is. Development!

November

I spent November angsting over some stuff, and then decided to do something I wanted to do for a change.

December

That thing was what I called 'super secret writing project' aka blorbo noel, aka my own personal yuletide. I wrote 11 stories, 43k, and I'm pleased with every single one of them.

They are: when I'm wearing nothing but blame, (if I could paint your taint) the colour of the sunset, matched set, hometown glory, captain's log supplemental, I'll be your fire, the power of women, one way or another, crowning glory, (watch me and you) get lost and found anew, and nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

I then also fuck it, published another one man part: bigmouth strikes again, following Spock after the gala. I also finished new frontier, my lesbian la'an fic, and no one cared, and then finished up by publishing some more oxbox RPF business managed.

All in all I published 176,000 words this year blowing my previous record out of the water by 40k, and finally broke through my long term goal of publishing 20 stories in a year. I published 25 new stories and finished new frontier, for a total of 26 in 2024!

This was a very hard year for me, not just with the sepsis, but mental illness, moving house, new job, family problems and the death of my grandfather. Nevertheless, writing and art saved me. I'm planning on doing a sculpture review of 2024 as well, but here's to 2025, hopefully with 100% less sepsis.