#my brain feels on fire lmao
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this is possibly not the best time to mention it but here i am, sleep deprived and hungover from the snk finale. and i've just turned the tv on to find that the ICE SKATING GRAND PRIX is currently airing????
these fictional drawing shows really have taken over my fucking life haven't they
#they just announced ''the next skater representing Japan'' and guess what#i IMMEDIATELY SOBBED LMAO#yuri!!! on ice#yuri on ice#i have a lot of feelings and zero chill ok!!!!#😭😭😭😭#my brain feels on fire lmao#what did i expect i knew this was an actual sports!!#so why am i so surprised??#real ice skating is even more beautiful than yoi made it look#isu grand prix#i'm recognizing steps!!! it's amazing??
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i do still periodically remember that post on twt that had far too many likes talking about how fnf is def a song about romance, chan was lying for pretending it was about australia and i still start squinting into space because how fucking stupid could all 500 of you be
#like its so irrationally silly on my part but it annoyed me so much lmao#like firstly HOW are you interpreting these lyrics as being about romantic love like what ???#but also.... fauna and flora really was devastated here by the 2020 fires. 1 billion lost.#billion with a b!! gone forever!! burnt to a cinder. the environment was devastated#and you think felix and christopher who were literally stuck in korea unable to come home bc of covid for 3 yrs....#wouldnt have feelings about that?? like idk man the obsession with everything having to be romance really rots peoples brains#bc the 2020 bushfires started october 2019 and went for like 6 months i.e i had already been wearing a face mask before covid had taken ove#bc of the smoke. For months! like i cant imagine how hopeless they felt not being able to come back just seeing footage of blood red skies#but yeah its a song about a break up you dumb BITCH#okay thats my insane friday night rant done peace and love#peace and love 🤏
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I think Light is the only psychosis murderer in media i like probably because they never pull the 'well ofc he's a serial killer he's insane and insane people are scareeeeeee because nothing they do makes sense' card.
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I love reading fics where Light is less evil and going through terrible angst and pain because it gives me fuel to then go use my incandescent rage (affectionate) to write my own fics where Light is twice as evil and having the time of his fucking life
#death note#yagami light#light yagami#this specifically about Counterfeit Emotions bc i love that fic its rotating in my brain but GOD it makes me angry#i love fics that make me angry like yes make me FEEL things i am eating the angst whole#this is also specifically about#i hold hands with cosmic entities#simply bc the only reason im still updating regularly is bc i regularly go back and read my favorite rage fics lmao#yes he has been cleansed by the fires of hell now i can give him his deepest desires without guilt#lawlight#...?
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Random post game scenario, after of which a towerless Pizzahead tricks Peppino to "let" him work "with" him. First day; and Pepperoni is already completely fed up with the guy!
Pizzahead hates dishes, and WILL break them rather than washing any. ever. this is canon and you CANT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE
#pizza headed man: blorbo of my brain ☆ blorbo of my heart ♡#i imagined this scenario tbh like the day after i discovered pizzatower i only just drew it now haha#also for the record this is a small scene of my internally imagined post canon ya#pizzahead tricked peppino into being 'buisness partners' and letting pizzer work with pepp (not FOR him- so he cant be fired easily)#and peppino immediatly puts him on dishes duty out of spite and annoyance#problem with one spitefull dude with another even pettier one- is that it cycles#pizzahead never does dishes even in his tower never ever he buys esclusivly paper plates and plastic utensils always#peppino uses glass plates bc washing them is cheaper than constantly supplying more disposable plates#and ofc their ideals clash lmao#its just. so funny !!!#these blorbos... they do such funny things#dorf's art#sketchy doodles#pizza tower#pizzahead#peppino spaghetti#i have so much to say about them haha#feel free to ask about my 'AU' where they work together bc i do have a couple ideas about it i just dunno where to start#pizza tower spoilers
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i'm sorry today was simply not real... see you in a week ig !
#idk if most of you have been to las vegas. but nothing there feels real. at ALL.#and watching the events there put that feeling back in my brain like an acid flashback#last time i was in las vegas i was on the absolute brink of sanity as well. and it was THIS WEEK of the athletic year for us too.#i just have a lot of feelings#and this weird race exacerbated it lmao#i have been awake so long. worked so many different events.#watched someone break a bone like three feet in front of my face.#had to put out 85 fires and i genuinely think it put me in constant fight or flight for four hours. this headache is for the AGES.#came STRAIGHT home and watched this.#wdym max world championship. why did i cry about that.#wdym cooldown CAR?? lewis sent me to the moon#wdym gp and max making me cry AGAIN in their fuckass car together..#wdym fred yelling at charles on team radio#wdym i have ANOTHER event in 11 hours.....#the human brain was not built for this i stg
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redesign :D
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#RIP the ponytail lol#though when i first drew her i hadn't liked it very much and was like 'that'll prolly be temporary' And Then I Didn't Change It For Like A#Year Lmao#so this was bound to happen#+ it was cuz i didn't know what to do for her head's silhouette but i've figured that out so now i hardly draw the ponytail loll#//next will be either Kira or Hid's ref!! depending on which one my brain can get the least undefined about hfvhs#//also i kinda really love how her redesign turned out hfhhd#i could never figure out how i wanted her to dress because when i was drawing her up i#1) was a little afraid of making her look too [you know gesture] for Reasons lol [<- is so vague for no reason]#and 2) if the clothes were Cool but didn't cover enough it must been Bad. i have no idea where this idea came from lol!! but beGONE#//OH yea and i never explain any of the lore for this story ever but i like to explain and justify decisions a lot so how 'bout that hfhvs#/so in this world a good chunk of society has heat-based powers (no other kind) so emergency responders/enforcers need fire-proof gear#Aura never wears hers right because well. they Feel Bad (cursing her with The Big Coat Is Hell lolll)#there Is a coat to this ensemble. mmm no i will not be drawing it for a while hfsvh#+ the axe is because of the whole The Gods Will Give You A Sick Weapon As A Sign Of Alliance And Protection thing#but honestly if i get talking about the Gods i won't stop for the next 8 paragraphs lol#/i've had this story for a year. there's a lot hsbvfabfj#my brother has listened to me explain the thing like 5 times. because he doesn't remember what i tell him and neither of us can stay on#topic ever Hfhsv#//but yeah gonna spin in circles forever now!! and maybe rub my feet raw on the carpet again tryna learn this dance :3 tooooodles
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I actually have semi fleshed out (kimchay) AUs for like most of Jeff's MV but none of them are finished and I hate(not actually i love talking about them) talking about my wip before they're finished cause it makes me work on them less cause I'm like
I talked about it = I worked on it :)
and then I never continue writing then 😔
Anyway here is a couple of them:
Dum Dum - (currently 12k written)
KimChay are walking home one night accidentally walk into an alleyway where they see a group of gang members killing someone, Kim tries to help Chay escape but ends up knocked on conscious and Chay is taken back to their leader. Chay believes Kim died in the alleyway.
A year passes with Chay now living as the mafia bosses husband. Chays mind is broken and believes the mafia boss is Kim due to him living in delusions to deal with the trauma. One day someone plants a bomb in the mansion and breaks in. Sunshine is tattooed on their neck and Chay thinks its a mercenary sent to kill him. He insists his name is Kim, but Chay doesn't believe him. His Kim didn't have tattoos or white hair.
Lucid- (currently 6k written)
Chay lives by himself and tends to a large garden. one day he finds a man passed out in his garden. Chay takes him back to his home and takes care of him. When the man wakes up he is startled and scared of Chay and jumps out of Chays window.
A week later the man comes back. They grow close and Chay eventually learns the mans name, and that he is a fae. As they grow closer Chay starts to feel sick and he keeps forgetting things. One day he forgets Kim.
Another fae curses Chay to forget Kim every time they part cause they’re jealous Kim doesn’t want them (the curse also causes Chay to be in pain whenever they’re together it takes Kim a while to figure this out which is why he keeps coming back, he just thinks Chay’s sick) but you know Chay is Chay so he’s so excited to meet a fae and talk and help him etc. but eventually Kim figures out how to break the curse: he has to die.
(not MCD has happy ending)
Loop - (currently 4k written)
Kim is forced to work at his family's company but he hates it and is intentionally being bad at his job. When he gets paired up with one of the company's best employees to make him better, Kim starts to fall for Chay. Kim does star actually learned how to do his job but Kim continues to be bad at his job so Chay will have to help him more.
One day Kim overhears his father saying if Chay doesn't get Kim to start working better he will be fired. So Kim starts to actually do his job. And when he is finally doing well, Chay is forced to quit anyway cause Korn doesn't like Kim is in love with a random employee.
#kimchay#kim theerapanyakul#porchay kittisawasd#the dum dum mv gives me so much brain rot#i was writing it around the same time RE4 remake came out so like at one point kim is leading chay through a hedge maze#and chay runs off to get away from kim and kim has to go try and find him again#(kim is distracted by trying to kill bodyguards which gives chay the chance to run away from him as chay does trust him in his broken state#kim calls chay sunshine in dum dum but because of the tattoo chay refers to kim as sunshine so they are both sunshine :)#i have changed the plot of the lucid on like 6 times#kim is fae royalty and korn wants to marry him to another fae royalty so kim leaves for a few weeks#(he doesnt know he is being forced into marriage)#and when he finally manages to get back to chay is when chay forgets who he is#in loop kim keeps making Chay coffee and leaving it on his desk but he doesn't givve any indication its from him so chay#is just more confused every time he sees a coffee cup on his desk#chay is unaware who kim is as the bosses son he just thinks its some rich kid who isnt allowed to be fired and feels so much pressure to#make kim good at his job as kim just never seems to take in what chay is saying#my problem writing loop is idk what actual business they are doing lmao its like 'chay read over kims paper work and sighed at his mistakes#what is the paper work for? idk but they are doing paper work#i have more but these are the more planned out ones#mine
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very funny how desperate i am for art theory & art history in our course like I don't have a history of not being able to a) read assigned reading and b) unable to write an essay without feeling like im dying.
#beef trimmings#jumping up and down that we're having once a week art theory lectures and discussions#vs. I Barely was able to get my reading done for todays seimnar LMAO#its so interesting and i want to engage with it so badly but its such a fucking nightmare#when im not within that super specific classroom enviroment#feels like im setting my brain on fire. godo god i am not looking forward to the actual essay these lectures are leading up to but uhmmm#yipee im having fun!! : )#I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ART HISTORY IN MY ALEVEL IM SUCH A CLOWN FOR NOT DOING IT#^ kicking 16 yr old me in the ass like you dont even know what youre talking baout. art history isnt boring you loser#good god#/sigh#like why the fuck did i pick religious studies over art history?? huh?? fucking idiot
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me planning how i'm going to put these blorbos through hell:
me when the blorbos reach hell and i actually have to write multiple chapters of angst and pain and struggle:
#piri.txt#im fighting the act 2 into act 3 transition behind dennys and brother. im LOSING#i need to go back to the drawing board and rethink all the pacing but OUGH. AUGH#every chekhovs gun is firing every bbeg is being fought every feeling is getting confessed. AND THEN THEY STILL HAVE TO FIGHT AN ELDER BRAIN#HRNGH. HGRHRUGGGHUGHHFGHHHGG!!!!!!!!!!!!#im excited to get into act 3 with this fic and im so happy to be writing again and i will feel so content and proud when its finished#but i am still just opening google docs and screaming for several hours as i struggle to move this story forward lmao.#SIGH! ah well thats the creative process as they say in the alfira dialogue#agony and ecstasy... mostly agony#anyway. thank u larian for making goty and reigniting my love for fanworks 💖
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everyone's hopping off the corny train but NOT ME because I wasn't corny enough in my last ask smh
Cuz like I'm gonna be so 100% I always worry that I'm being super annoying by sending you so many asks abt literally fuck all GFHDGFD but I do genuinely like chatting and sharing thoughts w/ you + stream squad its honestly the most welcomed I've felt in a fandom in a LONG time and i'll always be grateful for that <3 Like when I first started posting rgg content (after being pretty much dedicated to an entirely different niche for like years beforehand hgfdgfh) I was worried that it'd just flop and I wouldnt have anyone to talk to (I mean besides eso but WHATEVER) so it's really nice having you + co to share brainrot with c: Also know that you are a blast to watch on stream fr like if you were annoying WHY WOULD I BE ATTENDING EACH AND EVERY ONE EVEN AMIDST MY FUCKED SCHEDULE?? dummy 🙄
Also also even if I don't mention it often enough do bare in mind that all your art is hella inspiring to me both drawn and written like your fics are so yummy my guy they have their own little corner in my brain anyways CORNINESS over (for now at least...)
CORNBALL PART TWO 🗣🗣🗣🗣
YOU WERE PLENTY CORNY IN YOUR FIRST ASK DOOFUS WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAAN ill still be happy to read a second round :]]] LIKE YAY im glad i was able to introduce a fun community to you to bond with <3 even if it was 100% by accident and im still surprised i do have a bundle of people regularly stopping by streams And The Ask Box By Now OOP
SPEAKIN A THE ASK BOX THO I LOVE GETTIN ASKS FROM YOU BRO i love talkin bot fuck all.... its like my specialty what... love logging onto a website where i get to do that for free everyday and talk to cool chums in the process....
should still be illegal to say my works are inspirin das fucked up....... ESPECIALLY MY FICS NOOO DONT LOOK AT THOSE
#snap chats#hope the lil Corner Of The Brain dedicated to my slop is on fire as it should be#BUT THANK YOU my fics always make me want to jump out a window and i always think about deleting lke half of them#but i cant cause for some reason people lke them even tho theyre lke. garbage. at least the older ones are the newer ones are chill I GUESS#IN ANY CASE. cannot wait to make the Art Appreciation segment of this post hilarious as i post some bullshit in a sec#EITHER/OR i'm glad you feel welcomed and cozy <3 ik a lot of times ill want to talk with someone bout a thing i like#but either no one knows what the fuck im on bout or they just dont match my energy/vibe SO#im glad i can make a space like that for people :) somehow :)#i should make a discord but statistically those never go well. plus i think everyones already in one LMAO SO#in any case. stream days are very fun cause even if im sweating buckets on making sure i dont say something too stupid#its very fun gettin to be stupid with other people :)#so thanks team LOL appreciate it forever and always 🤧 now excuse me i have to post something stupid
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Walked out of work today bc long story short a guest decided that she was gonna lecture me/use me & my "abhorrent, disrespectful attitude" as an example of a lesson for one of her student & I decided that standing there & being belittled wasn't worth it
#i only gave her back the disrespect she was giving me. not even as bad as she was dishing either#granted i couldve kept my composure but also she was up at the desk for 45 minutes making a mountain out of a molehill#& among other things in her ''lecture'' she told me that if any of her students or employees acted the way i did they'd be dismissed & fire#she said ''post covid there are PLENTY of people who would be lucky & LOVE to have any work right now'' & i thought#yknow. i love my job. but i dont deserve this. this isnt worth it#so i turned to the food & beverage manager who was the only MOD & said ''actually i think i will go home''#i called my AGM after i left & let her know the whole situation. even told her i understand if im fired or written up bc of this but its no#worth standing there & being lectured & having this lady lie to my face about things i said/did. i dont deserve to be treated like that#the woman really told me ''this couldve been a teachable moment for you'' LMAO lady i will let a LOT of shit slide#but i refuse to be the subject of your lesson & i certainly dont get paid enough to have anyone who isnt management lecture me#it just feels weird though. ive never walked out before. never spotainiously taken the night off. never had a situation like this before#it feels weird having left & it feels weird sitting in my bed trying to enjoy my night when my brain knows im supposed to be at work rn#oh well#my AMG said im definetly not fired & she'll talk to the lady in the morning. i couldnt care less if i was though. theres always other jobs#and to preface i even apologized to the woman both for my behavior & the disrespect. yet she still felt like making an example of me#what a week its been#emma rambles#emma vents#2023 tag
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I told myself I was gonna get one of today's prompts done but
i am staring at my word doc wrapped in a blanket thinking about showering and going to sleep instead (even tho I know my brain won't let me actually fall asleep until fuck knows when, which makes that feel like just. wasted time.)
#text post#i really don't wanna skip another day#i know that's fine and most events like this are do what you can not do every day or die in a tire fire lmao#but my brain is just. itchy at the idea of skipping another day#also went to my half finished draft for tomorrow's and guess what! It's fucking terrible! So that also needs redoing#i need my body to get out of this stress sickness slump this isn't helping me in any way#like thank u im aware of stress. making me feel like i have the flu bc im stressed isn't going to make that go away!!!#maybe if i give myself till midnight#if it hits midnight and nothing is still getting done or nothing I get down is working then i'll let myself skip today's#and will try again in redoing one of the prompts for tomorrow
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I actually enjoyed my gun phase (I don't see that guy anymore) but more than anything I think it gave me a good perspective, I do like precision shooting and the sport of it but it's definitely cemented in me how fucked up the whole Gun Conflict is. you can basically doordash ammo. it takes nothing to get your hands on an assault rifle. you can get wasted and then get your hands on an assault rifle. my dad bought a gun for the express purpose of keeping raccoons etc away from his chickens (a legitimate and arguably honorable reason to have a gun as opposed to the guys i used to shoot with), immediately shot a hole in his closet door cause he "thought it wasnt loaded". it should not be this easy! I used to go over to my friends house and he had his trophy guns lying in bed (unloaded) cause he played with them a lot. I hate people who get judgmental of people who enjoy shooting and have an interest, no matter the reason, but there's a distaste that must be had for the flippant nature so many people have towards firearms.
#guy i dont see anymore came over to my place and smacked his concealed carry down on my desk and when i asked why the hell you would need to#bring your gun with you to drive to my apartment and then drive back home he was like you never know. someone could open fire in the qt and#no one would be there to pacify them.#like LMAO thats not happening!!!! you just carry it cause it makes you feel cool!!!! which is also something to look out for. a gun does not#make you cool. you just played cod too much before your gd brain got developed.
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Oh. I think I'm depressed.
#speculation nation#negative/#most of the time im actually not depressed anymore. usually just stressed.#but this would explain why ive been struggling to do Anything besides playing video games#lacking creative juices so i cant write. what little ive managed has been like pulling teeth & feels like it lacks soul#and so ive been playing fire emblem for hours and hours#i slept like 10 hours last night and im still tired. i might just fuckin go to sleep lmao. man.#middle of the day fuck offfffff it's work woods fire emblem sleep repeat but i dont work today so im listless#supposed to have fun on a day off. mostly im just tired.#depression's one of the stages of grief. maybe that's my deal. i dont remember what the other stages are. brain too foggy.#yea. this probably is depression. my brain doesnt want to do Anything so i keep it occupied with video games. oh well.
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#going through my old writing tag is truly…. a trip through the darkest moments of my relationships and insecurities and fears and complete#destruction by a man who i continued to love when i had been bleached from his life#idk what possessed me to scroll through my old writings but now i’m just angry lmao and want to hug my younger self so tightly#wanting a fire to consume me was my default for so so long because of that relationship because of that person#and it just. isn’t a good feeling to revisit lol especially not from a man who knew better lmao like legitimately knew better and yet <3#anyways if you have an ex that still fucks with your brain chemistry and how you deal with things today just know i’ll kill them for you <3#ily
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