#maybe if i give myself till midnight

[izzy-b-hands]

I told myself I was gonna get one of today's prompts done but

i am staring at my word doc wrapped in a blanket thinking about showering and going to sleep instead (even tho I know my brain won't let me actually fall asleep until fuck knows when, which makes that feel like just. wasted time.)

[soccer-love]

Weddings make lovers

Mala Grohs x reader

Magdas and Pernilles weeding was a thing the whole Bayern team was looking forward to.

The were getting married on a Saturday after the last game of the season.

Everyone helped to make this day perfect.

They offered to let other guest stay at their apartments, helped to decorate the location, picking out the cake and food and helping each other to choose outfits.

The ceremony was beautiful and besides the familys, Tuva was the one to cry, and every five minutes someone else had to hand her a tissue.

After the ceremony and the dinner, the big party started.

Jovi had offered to be the DJ and she really did a great job.

At first she played the song, Magda and Pernille had picked out for their first dance and then more songs you could dance to.

During that, Caro and Georgia took over the bar and tried to give everyone there own cocktail creations, while also being a little bit tipsy already.

Linda was the one to take pictures of everything and everyone.

Syd and Klara where joking and fooling around, making everyone laugh and encouraged everyone to dance.

And I was somewhere in the middle of all of that.

I was already a little bit tipsy, thanks to Caro's newest creation: The Amortentia Potion, inspired by Harry Potter. And maybe that was also the reason why I walked towards Mala as I saw her on standing the side of the dancefloor.

"Mala." I say and smile at her.

I don't know who helped her pick out her outfit, but it was incredible hot.

A blue suit, with a read tie and black shoes.

"Y/N."

"Come dance with me." I say and grab her hand, it's warm and fits perfectly into mine.

"What happened to the shy and calm Y/N?" Mala asks laughing as she starts to dance along with me.

"Maybe this is the true and dark me?" I answer and place her hand on my shoulder.

"You have a dark side?"

"Dark and dusty, hidden deep inside me."

"I am impressed."

We dance for some more and I really enjoy the feeling of her hands on my shoulder.

I like her, more than I should.

More than she likes me.

"Y/N! Sorry Mala but G and I need her." I hear Caro's voice next to me and turn around.

She points over to the bar, where Georgia is standing together with Magda, Linda Sembrant and Zecira Musovic.

"Zecira brought some drink called Akvavit, and you absolutely have to try it." Caro explains and I nod.

"Sorry Mala." I say and let myself get dragged away by Caro.

"This is literally so good!" Georgia says and hands me a shot glass.

The cold liquid burns in my throat but it's also really good.

"Oh my gosh this is really good." I say making them laugh.

"Told ya." Georgia answers, pouring me another shot glass of it and drinking one her own.

"Better be careful." Magda warns, Pernille appearing behind her.

"Careful with what?" she asks, sliding one arm around her wife.

"They are trying Akvavit." Zecira explains, pointing at the bottle.

"Uh yeah you should defiantly be careful, that stuff is really strong." Pernille warns while Georgia and I drink our third glass of that stuff.

"Nah we can handle that, we are big girls." Georgia says and wraps one arm around me.

Caro serves us a round of drinks and Pernille and Magda leave to talk to some people.

The party keeps going till it's late at night, around midnight most of the people started to leave and now there are only some friends, some team members and the brides left.

"I need to go to the restroom." I say to Caro who is still standing behind the bar with Georgia, singing along to a German party song, Jovi finally decided to play.

"Der Zug hat keine bremse." she sings in reply and I cant help but laugh.

The floor on the way there is really uneven and as I come back I see someone coming towards me.

"You're good?" I hear Mala asking, fuck is she hot.

"This floor isn't built right." I say instead of answering her question.

"Uhm?"

"You know what a friend of mine is a carpenter I think he knows how to fix this." I say and pull my phone out of my pocket.

"Y/N, it is 1am I don't think he will like it if you call him now."

I put my phone back into my pocket and look at her.

"I think you should go home and sleep till you're sober." Mala says "I can drive you home."

"You are so smart." I step closer, how can someone actually be so smart? I mean she is studying....something. I know she is studying something you have to be very smart for. But right now I cant remember its name.

"There is so much knowledge inside your beautiful head." I say, pressing one finger against her forehead.

"And your skin is so soft." I feel the need to touch her cheek.

"Yeah you defiantly are druck, come on let's get you home." she says laughing and wraps one arm around me, trying to get me to walk towards the exit.

"Wait." I say and grab her by her jacket, pulling her against me.

Her warmth surrounds me and I feel like I could pass out just from that feeling.

"Mala."

"Yes?" her voice is so soft, like she is an angel.

"I really want to kiss you." I say, looking at her lips for some seconds before I look up into her eyes.

"That's because you're drunk." she says but not letting go of me.

"No! I mean yes...I say that because I am drunk but I want to kiss you even when I am sober."

"You-"

"I am in love with you, Mala."

A small smile curls up on her lips and she softly grabs my chin.

"If you really mean that, then say it again when you are sober." she says, stepping back.

"But don't play with my feelings Y/N."

I slowly nod, suddenly feeling really tiered.

"Let's get you home." she says and I follow her down the hall, we say goodbye to Magda and Pernille and some other people and I see Magda whispering something to Mala while looking at me but I cant hear what they are saying.

Mala drives me home and waits outside until I am inside my apartment.

---

We have two final training sessions before everyone is going on their summer vacations and as usual I am one of the last ones to be there.

Malas place in the locker room is directly opposite to mine and normally we talk a little while getting chanced and she helps me doing my hair.

But today is different.

Yesterday morning I woke up with my head feeling like it had doubled in size but unfortunately I could remember everything that had happened.

And I feel like she also did.

The training is good but it feels different without Mala talking to me and making jokes all the time.

At the final training it is the same and I definitely know that I don't want to go into summer brake like that.

I try to be the last one to go into the locker room but she is already waiting outside as I get there.

"We should talk." she says and I nod.

"Yeah."

I follow her around the corner so we won't get interrupted by any of the other players.

"I don't know how much you remember of the party night but-"

"I remember everything." I interrupt her, leaning against the wall.

"And I am sorry for telling you that but..." I look at the floor, I could just deny it, deny my feelings, deny the fact that I didn't say all of that because I was drunk.

"I...I cant tell you that it was because of the alcohol, because .... because it is true. Everything I said." I say and look up.

I am surprised by the way she looks back at me, not mad or hurt but with a small smile on her lips. Her beautiful lips.

She steps closer.

"What is true?" she asks.

"That I am in love with you and that I want to kiss you."

"And what did I say after you told me that?"

"To tell you that again when I am sober?" I ask, confused about her reaction.

"No after that."

"To not play with your feelings." I repeat her words, realizing that I completely forgot about that till now.

"Because I cant have you telling me, that you like me back and not meaning it." she explains, taking another step towards me, my body now trapped between her and the wall.

"You...you like me too?" I ask, but scared of what she would say I look down at our shoes.

"How could I not like you." she whispers in the space between us. And like she did at the weeding, she grabs my chin and softly pushes it up.

She leans forwards, searching in my eyes for the permission to do it.

I close my eyes, waiting for her lips to meet mine. And they do.

Her lips feel so soft against mine. She tastes a little like Powerade, lip balm and her.

I can't believe I am kissing her.

As we brake apart, a big smile forms on my lips.

I open my mouth to say something but someone else is faster than me.

"Wow."

We look to the side and I feel one of Malas arms around me like she wants to protect me from anything that could happen now.

At the end of the hallway, there are standing Magda and Pernille, both ready to go home.

"Soon enough." Magda says, coming towards us, followed by her wife.

I just look at them, to stunned to speak.

"Magda." Pernille says in a warning tone.

"What?" She says laughing "You also knew about this."

"You...what?" I ask.

"I told them about my feelings." Mala says and looks at me. So that was what they were talking about at the weeding.

"Well, weddings make lovers." Magda says and smiles at us like a proud mom.

[ghostgirl-22]

Wanna ride that wave

18+ !NSFW!

Day 5: Edging (y’all it might be orgasm denial… idk)

___________________________________

Dealing with this Patrick thinks he deserves some kind of award. And no, not a trophy. He’s got plenty of those. No, he deserves sainthood actually.

It’s late summer and they’re bored enough to mess around. He’s barely dressed and lying on his bedroom floor with Art on top of him. Art’s touching his face, kissing him and he’s such a ridiculous kisser. He’s orally fixated so he’s using his tongue to search every bit of Patrick’s mouth for stimulation, which leads to him moaning, gasping just for the feeling of it. It drives Patrick insane. And when he’s feeling really silly he’ll move his hips and grind, chasing his own orgasm. He always comes first which usually… Patrick makes fun of…but tonight it’s working in his favor. Art can feel how eager Patrick is so he slows down. He sits up and looks over at the door. “Sorry, I thought I heard someone,” Art whispers.

Patrick groans. The little fucker has already come twice. He’s doing all of this to torture Patrick.

“No one is home,” Patrick says, he shifts his hips but Art doesn’t give him anything, he just sits up on his knees, taking away the friction so Patrick has to thrust into air.

People think he’s sweet and innocent, Patrick’s own mother says crazy stuff like, don’t be mean to that sweet boy. No one else knows that he’s evil.

Art looks down at him and smiles. “Whoops, I coulda sworn I heard a noise.” Art knows Patricks parents are out of town and his big brother won’t be home till midnight. He could literally stretch this out for hours if he felt like it.

Patrick reaches for him, trying to get him to sit back on his lap but he doesn’t come. He’s got Patrick circling the edge of it just because he can.

“I wanna lie on the bed,” Art says.

“Okay, fuck it, let’s get on the bed,” Patrick says, pushing himself up. Whatever he needs to do to get off.

Art watches him get up.

“Wait maybe…” he says and Patrick lingers. Art is still sitting on the floor. Pretty boy. Patrick wants to strangle him. “I’m hungry, do you have any more candy?” Art asks.

“Yeah, you can put this in your mouth,” Patrick says, gesturing at the tent of his boxers.

Art settles cross-legged on the floor and leans back on his hands grinning up at him. “Mm, I want something sweet to suck on.” He plays with his tongue in his mouth.

Patrick takes a deep breath and tangles his fingers into Art’s hair. “You promised you would as long as I didn’t touch myself.”

“I will,” Art says softly. “When I’m ready.”

He knows Art’s trying to get out of the promise by making it impossible for Patrick not to touch himself but Patrick’s just as competitive as Art is. Unfortunately, Art’s manipulative side is also a fucking turn on for him.

“Fuck,” Patrick sighs.

“You’re so obsessed,” Art grins. “All this cause I said I’d put it in my mouth. I feel like you’d do anything I say if I promised you could put it in my ass,” He sighs and uncrosses his legs, drawing his knees up.

Patrick hates how right he is and he gets back on his knees and crawls between Art’s legs. “Can I put it in your ass?”

“Yeah,” Art smiles, “when you close your eyes and dream.”

Patrick takes a breath. “I’m going crazy.”

”So touch yourself,” Art shrugs, resting his head on his shoulder. “I’ll watch.”

“I can do that anytime, I wanna feel you,” Patrick whispers.

“Obsessed,” Art smirks.

Patrick kisses him and Art lets him do it. He only stops when Patrick tries to push him on the ground and get on top of him. Art licks his lips and Patrick sighs, breathing less than an inch away from his mouth.

“You just wanna fuck me so bad,” Art whispers.

“So bad,” Patrick agrees.

Art smiles and kisses him again, slowly. He moves to get on Patrick’s lap again and Patrick moves to accommodate him. The weight of him feels like a relief. He’s moving immediately and it’s like Patrick isn’t starting at zero but he has to work his way up to where he was. Art’s kissing him and kissing him and kissing him all while squirming in his lap and just when Patrick is back… when he’s riding the knifes edge of orgasm desperate to fall over…that’s when Art stops him again.

“Fuck me,” Patrick groans loudly resting his forehead against Art’s. “Are you fucking serious?” He says breathlessly, helplessly.

“Mm actually I think I wanna be on the bed, my knees hurt.” Art says getting to his feet. He’s the devil actually.

Patrick sighs and flops back on the ground, more sexually frustrated than he’s ever been. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty.”

[crumbledcastle28]

Joel Miller: Birthday Boy

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (afab; she/her)

Excerpt: He was so golden, so smooth yet smothered in moles that you’d kissed and purple marks from your teeth. So perfect. So yours. Your lips parted, craving the taste of his skin once again. You recalled his statement from the night before.

“Wake me up with your mouth, baby,” he whispered into your hair. “Drown me with it.”

How could you say no to the birthday boy?

You set both coffee mugs on the side table, rubbing your hands together to keep the leftover heat from the steam alive, and slid your way back to the position you were in before. His breaths remained steady and a big part of you just wanted to let him sleep. He never got enough, with money and providing for Sarah always on his mind, and maybe that would be the best thing for him.

Drown me with it.

Maybe not.

Warnings: SMUTTT, oral sex female receiving, joel has a giving kink @ me, mentions of Sarah (RIP), allusions to the end of the world.

A/N: So much Joel Miller content, I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I hope you enjoy.

2.3k

If you’d like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated <3

Pedro Masterlist

(GIF credit to owner, please let me know if it’s yours)

You awoke to the taste of him still on your tongue—it was practically still drooling down your chin—and the warmth of his naked body draped across your frame. Your eyes were puffed and cloudy and your hips felt yellowed and sore, giving you flashbacks of the night previous.

Open your pretty mouth, darlin’.

Fuckin’ shit, this wet already?

Easy now, we got all night.

Ride me till I’m numb, baby.

You closed your eyes in bliss and whispered to yourself in a sing-song tone, “happy birthday.”

His small snores and hot breaths against your earlobe showed he didn’t hear you. He wasn’t meant to. He was meant to stay asleep—deep asleep—until you decided otherwise.

You were tempted to stay there, in his arms, forever. With his woody-cinnamon scent wrapped around you, his permanent scowl softened into an almost-smile, and his body slack against your own. This was Joel Miller—not the one lessened to a struggling carpenter, a single parent, or a lonely man—this was the whole Joel Miller. The true Joel Miller.

This was your Joel Miller.

You smiled at him, letting your eyes serpentine and circle around him for as long as you could, before pressing the softest kiss to his cheekbone. You barely pressed your lips to the hairs that coated it. You hummed to yourself, unable to prevent that sweet sound of pleasure whenever your lips touched his skin, and slowly started scooting your way out from underneath him. Your body screamed at you to stop, stay awhile, never leave, but you persevered.

He was so out he barely twitched.

You laughed to yourself as you found your footing on the cold, grey-carpeted floor. Your fingers twitched to comb through his hair, map out his body, or reach downwards to the sweet spot of your own at what a vision he was, but you somehow managed to continue on.

A midnight-black Henley of his had been discarded at some point in the night, likely thrown across the room by your own hands, and you threw it over your bare body as well as fresh underwear before making your way down to the kitchen. Joel always joked how your stealth was a wasted talent of yours.

I know who I’d ally with in an apocalypse, Tommy would joke.

Idiots.

You made your way to Joel’s most prized possession—his coffee-maker—and threw in his favorite brand of beans. Despite drinking plain black, he did have a taste for higher quality arabica. He would have never bought it for himself.

“Present number one,” you whispered to yourself as the smooth steaming liquid made its way into his rough coffee cup. It was old, chipped, and on the verge of shattering, yet still his favorite. You wondered what that said about him.

You set his aside and made a small cup of your own—adding plenty of cream and sugar thank you very much—and made your way back up the stairs, taking little sips as you walked. Sarah’s room was still locked shut and it was still plenty dark outside.

Good.

Your toes pressed onto the carpet again as you walked back to your side of the bed, and Joel had not moved an inch. His lower half remained swaddled in blankets, while his upper half…

…fuck.

He was so golden, so smooth yet smothered in moles that you’d kissed and purple marks from your teeth. So perfect. So yours. Your lips parted, craving the taste of his skin once again. You recalled his statement from the night before.

“Wake me up with your mouth, baby,” he whispered into your hair. “Drown me with it.”

How could you say no to the birthday boy?

You set both coffee mugs on the side table, rubbing your hands together to keep the leftover heat from the steam alive, and slid your way back to the position you were in before. His breaths remained steady and a big part of you just wanted to let him sleep. He never got enough, with money and providing for Sarah always on his mind, and maybe that would be the best thing for him.

Drown me with it.

Maybe not.

You leaned forward and breathed in the skin on his neck before placing a faint kiss on his pulse. You then moved to his adam’s apple, kissing up to his chin. He stirred a bit, unconsciously pulling you closer to him, and you kissed around his mouth. You pressed one more kiss to his hairline, his hair soft and ruffled from your own fingers, before he whispered incoherently.

“Hm?” you asked, bringing your mouth inches away from his.

“I said—” but he was interrupted by your lips on his.

You parted them quickly and deeper the kiss, tugging him close to you with your hand on the back of his head, and his large hands molded against your hips. You teased him with your tongue just enough for him to tilt your head back for more, but you pulled away.

“Happy birthday.”

He grinned and worked his right hand up to your face, framing it. “Thank you.”

You smiled brightly before sitting up completely and grabbing both coffees. He sat up with you, making himself comfortable leaning his back on the bed frame, and took the mug you handed him eagerly. He immediately sipped it and hummed, closing his eyes.

“You didn’t,” he whispered, his accent in full force.

“I did,” you whispered back, and sipped your own.

“These beans are over ten bucks.”

“I know,” you responded, and took another long sip. “This is present number one.”

“Number one?” he questioned with a laugh. “How many are there?”

You only smiled back at him, enjoying his questioning look.

The two of you proceeded to sip your coffee in silence—enjoying the slowly rising sun, the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and the creaks and groans of the house. Joel took his time, drinking his coffee slowly instead of chugging it as he ran from the house, and he enjoyed every sip.

Finally, he broke the ice. “Darlin’, since when did you have clothes on?”

You laughed enough to make your eyes crease before saying, “Since I went to make you coffee this morning with the risk of Sarah coming downstairs to use the bathroom.”

He chuckled and took one last sip, finishing his cup completely, and you took the cup from him to place it on the nightstand. He mumbled a quick “thank you” before you did, a grateful look in his eye, but once you turned back around, the chocolate in his caramel eyes had completely taken over. The rising sun illuminated their darkness that much more.

“I don’t think you’re understandin’ me,” he whispered, and the look in his eye suddenly made sense. Arousal rolled over you like a wave, and a smirk made its way to your face.

“Am I not?” you questioned, lowing your voice exactly how he liked it. The ink in his eyes was beginning to drip down to his body language—tense, itching to touch and unravel you.

“You’re not,” he said, and leaned closer, close enough for you to feel his hot breath on the skin of your collarbone. “I want them off.”

He kissed your collarbone and neck, reaching his hand underneath his own fabric to meet his calloused hand with your soft skin, and you smiled. “It’s your birthday. Take what you want.”

You didn’t have time to think before his mouth met your own.

He quickly took the mug still in your hands and leaned over you—mouth still claiming yours—to set it on the nightstand. He then took the opportunity pin you fully to the bed. His tongue fully mapped your mouth now and you whined at his taste—black coffee, morning, and the residue of you. He likely tasted the same thing on you.

“Gotta stay quiet,” he whispered, slipping your shirt completely off. “I do have a model of responsibility to set.”

You laughed into his mouth. “How’s that going?”

He laughed with you and kissed you again, feeling you everywhere. You took the chance to feel him up too, dragging your nails up his chest and over his back, through his hair, and across his scruffed face. His facial hair always tickled at the very least and burned at the very most. This morning, your face felt a bit of both.

He was kissing you so good and your head was so lost in all of it that you almost missed when he mumbled, “Let me try somethin’.”

He pulled away completely to look at you. Your eyes were blissed out, your lips were tingling, and your brain was absolutely reeling. He smiled down at you, likely because of how out of it you looked. “What?”

“Let me try somethin’,” he mumbled again, kissing down your face and to your chest. You closed your eyes and breathed erotically at the feeling of him all over you. Everywhere. “I’ve gotta eat somethin’ after my coffee, don’t I?”

Your eyes widened to saucers. You sat up, putting your weight on your elbows, and met his eyes. He was now hovering over your lower stomach. “Joel, you don’t have—”

“It’s my birthday,” he whispered with a kiss to your midsection. “I want this. I’ve wanted this for a while.”

You and Joel had been together for a while, longer than a while, and the sincerity in your feelings for one another had only grown with each passing day. You had started spending nights at his house, he had started spending nights at yours, and you had met his daughter a few months ago. You had even started spending weekends with Joel and Sarah as a way to get to know her better and test the dynamic which, so far, had been smooth sailing. She had obviously enjoyed your company, even asking you to stay at their house throughout the week. You and Joel were becoming serious, very serious.

And yet, he hadn’t done this for you before. He had offered it before, but you had always wanted to suck him off instead. It seemed that today, he knew what he wanted.

Your pants started getting more infrequent with even the thought of him doing this to you. You wanted it badly. His cocky grin showed you that he knew that too.

“Don’t you want me to take care of you today?”

His grin only expanded. “Do you seriously think I won’t come from this?”

And with that, he pulled your underwear down your body, and began his feast with a hunger. With one lick from his tongue, your goal of keeping eye contact with him shattered, and a long groan escaped from your mouth.

“Quiet baby,” he whispered against your mound. “Quiet,” and he continued.

He mapped you like an expert—memorizing exactly where you whined, honing in on those areas just long enough to make you shake, and just before you found your release, he would move on.

“Fuck you,” you whispered after the second time he did this, sweat dripping down your face and breasts. He chuckled into you and pulled one of your hands off his head to wrap it in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Patience baby. It’s my birthday.”

He continued squeezing your hand as he worked, and you continued biting your tongue until you nearly drew blood.

This was heaven. Heaven on earth. Eternity between your legs. The world could end tomorrow and you wouldn’t care, not after this. Not after him.

It was when he nudged your clit with his nose just so that you felt that familiar ball of flame inside of you begin to oxidize, expanding from a lick of flame to a fire.

“I’m so close Joel please.”

“Jesus woman,” he replied, the noises coming from his mouth on you borderline obscene. “Sound so pretty.”

He kept at it, nudging your clit with his nose and licking you where you needed. It was then that you noticed a small rock to your bed and a consistent creak. You used the last of your strength to pull yourself up, only to be met with Joel’s now hazel eyes, and the lower half of his body fucking hard into the bed.

“Told you I’d come from this,” he whispered, and kissed your clit.

Your fire became unstoppable, and you let yourself fully release into his mouth.

He didn’t stop. Not after you gave him one more.

Finally, he parted from you with one final kiss, and you didn’t even realize your eyes had fallen shut until he kissed both of them. They fluttered open to be met with his smiling face.

He looked so damn happy.

You brought his mouth to yours, tasting yourself mixed with his morning coffee, but he pulled away quickly.

“How was I?”

Your face broke out into a smile so big your teeth showed. “Perfect.”

He pecked your nose. “Good.”

He laid down on his back next to you, panting and exhausted, and you immediately cuddled into him. You threw your leg over his own only to be met with something…sticky?

He came. Purely from sucking you off.

“What’s this, the third time I’ve told ya?” he whispered into your hair. “I did this for you, but I wanted it just as badly.”

You couldn’t help the shock in your voice when he hugged you close. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

“I love you Y/N,” he said. “That’s all that matters.”

“I love you Joel,” you whispered back weakly, feeling the exhaustion envelop you once again. “Happy Birthday.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, likely grateful that you had woken him up early enough for him to go back to sleep. You followed him in your failure to sleep, but just before you reached unconsciousness, you felt yourself whisper.

“Don’t think I’m not paying you back for this.”

Tag list: (I apologize if your tag is not present/not working. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged!)

@leahkenobi @aninnai​ @untitledarea​ @avengersfan25​

[ohdorothea]

This tournament is being run by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info here! Lyrics for the songs and FAQ under the cut!

Snow On The Beach lyrics

One night a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what could've been lights

But it might just have been you

Passing by unbeknownst to me

Life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

And my flight was awful, thanks for asking

I'm unglued, thanks to you

And it's like snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, oh

This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen

I searched 'aurora borealis green'

I've never seen someone lit from within

Blurring out my periphery

My smile is like I won a contest

And to hide that would be so dishonest

And it's fine to fake it till you make it

Till you do

Till it's true

Now it's like snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, oh

I can't speak, afraid to jinx it

I don't even dare to wish it

But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Now I'm all for you like Janet

Can this be a real thing, can it?

Are we falling like

Snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

(It's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

Like snow on the beach

(It's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

(It's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

(Down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

🫶🫶🫶

Glitch lyrics

We were supposed to be just friends

You don't live in my part of town but maybe I'll see you out some weekend

Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in

And what's in my system

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground

But it's been 2,190 days of our love blackout

(Our love is blacking out)

The system's breaking down

(The system's breaking down)

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

A brief interruption

A slight malfunction

I'd go back to wanting

Dudes who give nothing

I thought we had no chance

And that's romance

Let's dance

Glitch, ah-yeah

Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch

🫶🫶🫶

The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes!!!

If you’d like to send in interpretations or propaganda for a specific song you can send them to my inbox! All interpretations are welcome and let’s be open and kind in response to all interpretations <3

[yourimagines]

Late night talking

* English is not my first language, I apologise for that

* Not my gif

Y/N POV

Hayden and I were laying on the sofa together. The tv was playing a Christmas movie and the lights were off. “How many times did we see this move?” I whispered. “Don’t know” he whispered back. He moved up a bit to grab a blanket. “I feel your shivering.” And he places the blanket carefully over us. “Thank you.” “No problem.” And he wrapped his arms around me and pulls me closer to his chest. “I can do this forever you know.” I started to laugh. “I mean it tho.” He started to give me a few kisses on my shoulder. “We can do this till the snowstorm is over.” I carefully turned around. He was looking at me with a smile on his face. “Then I hope this snowstorm last forever.” I shyly hide my face in my hands “Hayden stop it you making me blush.” He starts to laugh. “I’m sorry, I can’t help myself.” I feel his hands take mine away from my face. “Just don’t hide yourself, you are to beautiful for that.” He brings my hands to his lips and place a few kisses on them. “You’re just to kind.” And I carefully turned around to watch the movie again. “Do you think they will ever make a second part?” “Maybe, I hope so.” He pulls me a little bit closer to his chest. “I don’t think they will make a second movie about it.” “Why?” “Because the movie doesn’t have an open ending.” “That doesn’t matter.” “It does.” I shook my head. “ I don’t care, just give me a second movie.” I feel he’s laughing. “I’m sorry love, it’s not how it works.”

The movie was over and Hayden and I were still cuddling on the sofa. His fingers were tracing up and down my arm. “I was thinking about you and me moving in together.” He whispered “You want that?” I asked carefully. “Of course I want that.” I turned around to see his face. “Hayden, I would love to move in together.” He smiled. “Then we are going to do that right after the storm is over.” He leaned forward to kiss me softly. I placed my hands on his chest. “I’m so ready for us to do the next steps in our relationship.” His hand went up into my hair. “I’m ready too.” As I smiled at him. My eyes were feeling heavy and I started to yawn. “Love it’s okay, just close your eyes.” I cuddled up to him and I rested my head against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me. He started to give kisses against my forehead. “Just go to sleep my love, It’s already midnight.” “Just don’t leave me.” “I would never leave you and besides how I am suppose to leave when there’s a snowstorm going on right know.” “Don’t know, use the force.” We both started to laugh. “You are unbelievable.” He said while laughing. I looked at him. My eyes almost closed as the tiredness fell on me. “I’m sorry but I’m going to sleep now, can’t open my eyes anymore.” “It’s okay love.” I nodded and hugged him tightly. “I love you Hayden.” “I love you too baby.”

[littlethingsinlife]

i'm sorry (happier part 2)

A/N: I was not expecting the amount of positive feedback for the first part and I was even more surprised to see people asking for a part 2! It was originally created to be a one-shot but a part 2 really fit well with how the first one ended. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the love and support! I hope you all enjoy. I also want to thank my friend, @tummymoth, they really helped me flush out and refine my rusty ass writing (also let me word vomit at them till midnight sometimes).

Pairing(s): Past Lo’ak x Omatikayan!Reader, Ao’nung x Omatikayan!Reader, Slight mentions of Lo’ak x Tsireya

Warnings: Lo'ak's POV, Swearing, Ao'nung saying something sus ONE time

More Info: My vision for this part 2 was to create a reply in Lo'ak's pov. So we'll have a look at what he experienced and thought process (not too sure if any of that made sense) but I was inspired by Joshua Bassett's song "i'm sorry" and it played constantly as I wrote this. Hopefully I was able to do right by my idea haha.

Summary: 7,547

Part 1: Happier

Key:

(Y/N) = Your Name 

Lyrics = Bolded Italics 

Flashbacks = Italics

Na'vi Words:

Yuey - beautiful (refers to a person) 

Skxawng - idiot/moron

Marui - Pods where the Na’vi live

Ilu - sea creature similar to dolphins

Ikran - dragon-like creature 

Tulkun - sentient creatures similar to whales

Olo’eyktan - clan leader/ chief

I thought about what I would say

But I’m two years too late

I can’t imagine how you’re doing these days, hmm

Sure, it wasn’t perfect back then

I’ll be first to admit

But it was better than being strangers again, oh

It had been a couple of months since my interactions with (Y/N) dwindled to terse smiles and barely audible greetings. If you asked me to point out the moment our friendship started to change, I couldn’t tell you. When did our bond start to break? When did it even start to crack? We used to talk every day about all the things we did and planned what pranks to pull on everyone, but now? Now, she barely looked in my direction. Now, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. 

I couldn’t remember when it started, but I knew that it was somehow my fault I grew distant once we arrived in Awa'atlu. I guess I was just so fascinated by the new environment and people, I didn’t even realize a rift started to form between us in the first place, much less that it started to grow. 

The night before we left to find a new home, I held (Y/N) as she let out sobs filled with fear and anxiety. It broke my heart, but all I could do was hold her and let her cry until she was calm enough to tell me what was on her mind. 

“I-I am afraid, what if the sky people come to find us again? I cannot lose any of you; it would break me into a million pieces,” she sobbed. 

“If they find us then we will fight and we will win,” I reassured her, gently rocking her back and forth. 

“You are an idiot, I was so close to losing you, to losing Kiri, Tuk, how do you think it would make me feel to lose the most important people in my life?” she sniffled. My chest ached at how broken she sounded, but the only thing I could do was assure her and offer her more words of comfort as I held her in my arms. 

“I promise that I will be with you throughout the journey as will my family. We love you, and even if you do not believe it, you are a Sully. And you know what my dad always says.” 

“Sullys stick together,” we chorused.

That night, I cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep. 

Fuck, I completely broke my promise to her, how could I forget? Shaking my head, I tried to reason to myself, “Maybe she just needs time alone. I’m sure she’ll come running back soon once she realizes that it's no fun without me, her best friend.” I felt a small, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Right?” 

I’m drunk too late talking to the moon

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

“Bah! Stop lying, I know you (Y/N). You would have fought alongside me and defended Kiri. You are not the same girl I knew in the forest back home,” I muttered, rolling my eyes and getting up to leave. Honestly, who did she think she was fooling? The skxawng had the balls to insult Kiri, and all she did was sit back and watch. She didn’t even make a move to help until it was to help him by pulling me off. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses,” I called over my shoulder, refusing to look back. 

“Lo’ak! Bro—” a hand roughly grabbed my shoulder, jolting me out of my daze, “why’re you just staring off like that?” I whipped my head to see who the hell it was that was bothering me, only to be met with Neteyam.

“Did you have to grab me that hard?” I hissed before my initial anger gave way to a heavy feeling. “It's nothing, just—just lost in thought” I sighed, shrugging his hand off my shoulder. 

“Right, sure, nothing.” he crouched down beside me. “Don’t think you can lie to me lil bro, you’ve been spacing out more than you usually do. I didn’t even think it was possible to be more empty-headed than you already are,” he stated. 

“Wha—no I haven’t,” I tried to argue, but of course, he wasn’t convinced. 

“Can you stop arguing with me for once and just tell me what’s going on with you, you skxawng?” 

I scrunched my nose in distaste and inhaled sharply, “(Y/N) and I have been…  distant,” I admitted, turning to look at him. “She won’t even look at me. She either only answers me with one word or doesn’t answer at all.” 

He nodded, motioning for me to continue. 

“I—the last time we talked, I said things I didn’t mean. Things that just came out because I was so frustrated and… and angry. It was the heat of the moment and I—” 

“What did you say skxawng, did you hurt her?” Neteyam interrupted, face twisting to show the beginnings of distaste.

“No, no—” I sputtered and raised my hands to calm him before he could go on an hour-long lecture that I absolutely was not in the mood to hear. “At least I don’t think I did… I just wanted to ask her why the hell she was helping fish lips, that’s all—” 

“You didn’t answer me Lo’ak, what did you say to (Y/N)? I don’t care why you did it, I want to know what you said to elicit such a reaction from her.” By Eywa, if he would just give me a chance to get to the point—

“I—I told her that she was not the same girl that I knew back in the forest..." my ears lowered as the weight of what I said slowly sunk in. “And that she could talk to me once she came back to her senses,” I whispered, internally cringing at my harsh words.. 

“You fucking skxawng—” 

“Can you stop calling me that? I already know, you don’t need to keep repeating it…” I scoffed, looking out into the ocean. I’m good enough at beating myself up over the hundreds of times I’ve messed up in this lifetime, I didn’t need another disappointed set of eyes on me.

My ears twitched at the deep sigh he let out. “Look, I’m sorry that I keep calling you skxawng but that is exactly what you are for saying something so hurtful to your best friend of all people. The two of you were inseparable the moment you were born. Even if you don’t want to, suck up your dumbass pride,” my ears flattened again. It wasn’t pride, I’m not prideful. It—it was me needing (Y/N) on my side. We used to always be on the same page, and when she said I was wrong for wanting to defend Kiri against those assholes, it felt like she was siding with them instead of me, and—

Okay, so maybe it was pride.

  “Admit that you were wrong, and go talk to (Y/N),” Neteyam insisted as he put a reassuring arm around my shoulders, jostling me around to prove a point. “Your friendship is so much stronger and Eywa knows that a heat-of-the-moment argument isn’t going to break that. You should have more faith in her.” His gaze sharpened before he schooled his expression into something calmer. “Just talk to her, yeah?” 

“...Yeah,” I mumbled, swallowing down whatever argument was trying to bubble up from my throat and prying his arm off me. “You’re right. I’ll just clear things up with her and apologize. Everything will go back to normal after that, thanks bro—for listening,” I agreed. 

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say They haunt me, oh

And I know that I’m to blame 

So, go ahead and 

Blame it on me, oh

Our lessons on the ways of the Metkayina were finished, so it was rare for the entire group to be in the same place. But every once in a while, we all finished our chores at the same time and found ourselves near the shore where we first learned to ride the ilu, and sat around a fire hours before eclipse, laughing and exchanging stories. 

The rarity of these moments made me cherish them that much more, but two people continued to miss our not-so-scheduled gatherings the past two moon cycles. How was it possible that they were the only two to keep missing our hangouts? Were they together? Fish lips had better not be doing anything to (Y/N) or so hel—

“(Y/N)! Ao’nung! You guys made it!” Rotxo laughed. 

“Yeah, yeah, quit shouting will you?” Ao’nung shot back as he sat down next to Rotxo, (Y/N) smiling softly as she followed. 

“So, what’ve you guys been up to? We haven’t seen you in what feels like ten moon cycles.” Neteyam questioned.

“Teyam, you saw me earlier today, you literally helped me feed our ikran,” (Y/N) joked. ‘Teyam? When did she start calling him by anything other than his given name?

Ao’nung swatted her side with his stupidly wide tail and swung an arm around her shoulder with a remarkably punchable smile on his face “More like he was trying to make sure you didn’t accidentally give them your fingers for breakfast. They would’ve gotten indigestion.”

“Haha very funny Ao’nung,” she drawled, “I would’ve fed you to Tekay instead, but she would’ve gagged the moment she caught a whiff of you,” she scoffed as she quickly pushed him away by the chest.

“Wait… Do they even have a gag reflex?” Fish lips didn’t budge, he just had a dumb look of confusion on his face.

“No, but they would defy the laws of biology to gag just for you,” she quipped, sticking out her tongue and moving to push him away again, but the skxawng had the nerve to pull her into a headlock. 

“Oh, yuey, the ikran won’t be the only ones gagging on me tonight,” he argued with a smirk. 

Did I want to punch that smirk off his face? Did I want to gag? Both? Before I could make a decision, (Y/N) grimaced, pushing him away again and smacking him upside the head. 

“That’s actually repulsive. You’re disgusting.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants, her family is right there,” Rotxo laughed, doubled over as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Yeah, we’re right here,” I interjected with a smile—wanting to join in on the jokes that were being thrown around—but it was hard to keep my face from falling when I saw (Y/N)’s bright expression falter. 

“Anyway, what were you guys talking about before Ao’nung and I arrived?” she asked in a too-bright tone of voice she only used when she desperately wanted to change the subject. As if everyone came to an unspoken agreement to forget about the conversation before, one by one they all started talking about who they thought would win in a fight—Toruk Makto, or our Olo’eyktan, Tonowari. 

The sound of laughter and excited chatter faded as I replayed the previous conversation in my head. When did they start joking around like that? Why the hell did fish lips call her yuey like it was the most natural thing in the world? How come she smiled so easily with him but faltered when she sees me? She was probably smiling with him right now—

I looked over at her, a pit in my stomach already forming at the idea of her smiling at him, but she looked so distant, so withdrawn from everything around her. Before I could even blink, she put a delicate hand on Ao’nung’s arm to grab his attention and mumbled something in a hushed tone. After a few beats of silent conversation, Ao’nung nodded and gave her a look of understanding. 

Why did he look at her like that? How much time did they spend together to be able to understand each other with just a look? How much time have I wasted breaking my promise to her while she grew closer to someone else? 

 Standing up, I made up my mind that I would talk to her and clear up any miscommunication. There was no way in hell I was about to let fish lips ruin our childhood friendship. Before I could even get close, Neteyam pulled me aside. 

“Bro, why’re you glaring at everyone?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

“Glaring?” I tilted my head in confusion. “I’m not glaring, this is just my face.” 

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I’m your brother, I know your face. Whatever look you’ve been throwing at Ao’nung and (Y/N)? You may as well have been throwing knives at them.”

Behind Neteyam, I could see (Y/N) get up to bid everyone good night and slowly walk in our direction. This was my chance, I just needed this overbearing idiot to leave me alone. 

“Whatever look you think I’m giving to them, you’re wrong,” I denied. “Can you not act like this right now?” My tail flicked side to side impatiently, an obvious twinge of annoyance clear in my tone. I licked my lips nervously as I could hear footsteps coming closer. Leaning slightly to the side, I looked behind Neteyam to see (Y/N) and—

Ao’nung? What? Why is he there? 

“Good night,” (Y/N) muttered, not sparing us a glance as she walked past. I followed her every move and—as if everything slowed down—my eyes narrowed as they found Ao’nung’s hand placed on her lower back, leading her gently in the direction of the marui. 

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

Though it's far too late

“I did it! Did you see that Reya?” I shouted—out of breath—as I showed off the shell Tsireya threw. 

“Yes, yes you did it!” She exclaimed, excitedly wrapping her hand around mine. For someone who spent so much time underwater, her hand radiated so much warmth. So easy to hold. My heart swelled with pride as she continued to compliment me. “You’ve improved so much!”

“Yeah? Well, I had a great teacher,” I joked, nudging her softly with my shoulder. It wasn’t just her hands that were warm either, she just seemed to radiate it.

“Oh stop, you flatter me too much,” she denied, fidgeting with her hair. Was that a blush on her face? “C’mon, why don’t we catch up with the others? Private lessons are officially done for the day,” she announced as she led me to shore. Oh Eywa, she looked so pretty like this, with her hair flowing down her back and the way her eyes cast down when she became flustered. And her smile, it was a smile that could knock the air out of my lungs.

While we walked onto shore, we joked around and laughed with each other, talking about anything and everything. The ease of each reply and joke came as smoothly as gliding through the water on an ilu—as easy as breathing. Laughing at another one of Tsireya’s jokes, my eyes scanned the village as we approached it. Families were winding down for the day as they cooked dinner, although I didn’t see mine anywhere nearby aside from Kiri. 

My smile slowly dropped when I was able to make out Kiri looking frantically around as if she was searching for someone. Tsireya and I made our way to her, worry filling the pit in my stomach. As we got closer, I could see Ao’nung climb down one of the roots of the Mangrove trees and make a beeline toward her. My eyes stayed on both of them, making sure that fish lips didn’t do anything to Kiri. 

Ears twitching I was able to make out the words, “(Y/N)? Did you find her? ” from Kiri as they were carried on the wind toward us.

“Yeah I did, I was able to get her to eat, but she’s not looking too good,” Ao’nung replied with concern lacing his voice.

Brows furrowing, I pulled Ao’nung by the shoulder. “What do you mean she’s not looking good? Where is she? What did you do?” 

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit, freak.” I rolled my eyes at the insult. He couldn’t use that thick head of his to think of anything else to call me? From the pained look on his face, I could tell that my grip on his shoulder had too much pressure. Good. Served him right.

Before Ao’nung and I could continue our argument Kiri groaned, “Will the both of you skxawng shut up! I’ll go talk to her.” My eyes followed her retreating form as she went to talk to (Y/N)—tail lashing back and forth in agitation all the while—before turning back to Ao’nung.

Who the hell did he think he was? I’d beat his skxawng ass if he hurt (Y/N) in any way. He had no right to look so damn worried. They weren’t even close. What even happened? How long had she been missing for Kiri to go to fish lips of all people for help? Should I follow Kiri? Why didn’t (Y/N) come to me? She always came to me, and if she came to me now, I absolutely would have listened. Why—

“Lo’ak? Hey, are you okay? Lo’ak?” a hand softly placed itself on my arm. Closing my eyes in frustration, I sighed. 

“Yeah, perfectly fine.” 

Damn it, was that when it started? How idiotic and blind have I been that I didn’t even notice that her trust in me started to slip and die when it was right in front of me? Why didn’t I go to her and make sure she was okay? I should’ve punched that idiot’s lights out—

“Ao’nung! Stop pulling me you skxawng, you’re walking too fast, slow down!” a hushed voice chastised. 

“C’mon yuey, we only have about an hour before eclipse, we have to hurry!” His voice grated against my ears as he responded. 

“That’s plenty of time!” (Y/N) insisted. I could hear the laughter bubbling up in her voice as she chased after him. “Please Ao’nung slow down, I can’t keep up.” 

“It can’t be helped, you’re so short—” a whack could be heard. “Ow!”

“I’m as tall as Tsireya, you giant!” 

“Both you and my sister are short—Ow! Alright, just because you did that, you leave me no choice,” Ao’nung said, throwing (Y/N) over his shoulder with a laugh. 

The bickering voices got closer, and my eyes narrowed at the way he held her. My breath hitched as he whispered something in her ear that made her ears perk up and her eyes widen. What the hell was he saying to her? Before I could spring up from my spot, Ao’nung tossed (Y/N) in the water, her yelp quickly interrupted by the sound of her body hitting the water. 

I stayed in my spot as shock zipped through my body. Letting out a breath I didn’t know I held, her head popped out of the water, a playful glare on her face. 

“I told you, you left me no choice,” he stated, guffawing at her expression.

“Oh yeah?” she groused, spitting out seawater as she wrung out her hair. “Well fuck you too. Help me out of here?” 

“Only if you say the magic word,” he taunted, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Otherwise, I’m afraid my hands are tied.”

“Please, oh great son of our Olo’eyktan, help me out of the ocean,” she beckoned dramatically, sarcasm dripping from every word while she rolled her eyes. “It’s about time you recognized my proud lineage, forest dweller,”  he said as his chest puffed out with a hand reaching towards (Y/N). And there was that stupid smile on his face.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as she reached for his hand, making sure to tug with enough force to unceremoniously yank him into the water. 

“So much for the son of a great warrior! Your instincts are shit!”

“My instincts are dull you say?” he questioned as his head popped up next to her. “We’ll see about that!” 

“Wha—AHHH—'' she wheezed. “No, please Ao’nung stop! That tickles!” Her arms flailed wildly in an attempt to free herself from his grasp. 

What the fuck.

  My ears flattened at an angle as I tried to process the scene unfolding before me. When did she start laughing with him? That should’ve been me she was laughing with. Not him, not the skxawng who had been nothing but rude to us since we arrived. What… what was I even saying—Fuck I didn’t know anymore. Why did I feel like this every time I saw them together… laughing and making jokes like we used to?

And it was me, it wasn’t you

It’s cliche, but it’s true 

I wasn’t thinking how I usually do, oh

And is your momma doing well? 

Or does she still hate me? 

But it was hard to watch me put you through hell 

I’m drunk, too late, talking to the moon, ooh

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause 

Two weeks had passed since I started noticing the changes in (Y/N)’s relationship—friendship?—with Ao’nung. It was like every time I blinked, I could see her laughing loudly as Ao’nung tickled her with a triumphant smile on his stupid face. Since that day, I had been trying to find a way to talk to (Y/N), but she was never alone. She was always with him and when she wasn’t, she disappeared and I couldn’t find her no matter how hard I looked. 

Now here I was, wandering around trying to look for her as I rehearsed what I wanted to tell her. 

Where could she be? Dinner was in an hour and she wasn’t anywhere near our marui. I had to find her soon so there would be enough time for us to talk. I had to tell her that I miss her, that I was sorry for being so dumb, that I shouldn’t have let my pride blind me, and that I didn’t mean any of the things I said. 

There was only one place I hadn’t looked yet… hopefully she was there. 

As I was getting closer to the root Kiri stalked to, I could see two silhouettes beside each other. An all-too-familiar feeling bloomed in my chest once I registered that she was there with him. 

Her melodic laughter made my steps falter. I clenched my fists tightly, contemplating if I should go over there and pull her away, force her to talk to me, to listen. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that to her, not when she looked so content, so happy. 

Ever since that day 

The things I didn’t say 

They haunt me, oh

I know that I’m to blame 

So, go ahead and 

Blame it on me, oh

“Lo’ak? You said you were going to look for (Y/N) and never came back. She’s already in the marui helping mom cook,” Kiri stated, a twinge of annoyance lacing her voice. “Hey, are you listening?” She shook my arm slightly, making me jump out of my stupor. 

“Yeah, sorry, you said dinner was ready?” I asked as I stared off. 

The sand beside me crunched softly as Kiri made a move to sit beside me. “No, I said that (Y/N) is with mom helping her cook. Where is your head at?” she asked as she tilted her head to try and meet my gaze. “Are you alright?” The annoyance in her voice shifted to concern. 

“I’m fine, yep—just… fine,” I brushed her off, hoisting myself up to head towards Mom and Dad for dinner before Kiri yanked me back down. 

“Lo’ak, don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Tell me what’s going on,” she urged. “Maybe I can help you with whatever it is that’s occupied your mind lately.”

I inhaled sharply, debating if I should tell her what had been muddying my mind, the reason why I had been so spaced out, why I had been glaring daggers at fish lips each time I saw his stupid face next to (Y/N)—how confused I was. 

“Stop with the thinking skxawng, you might hurt yourself,” she admonished. “Just tell me. It’s not like I can’t handle it.” 

Huffing, I rolled my eyes and turned away from her to look at the sea. I hadn't even said anything yet and Kiri was already making me feel idiotic. How was I supposed to tell her what's been going on like this? Maybe if I kept quiet for long enough, she would get tired of waiting for me to start talking and go on to eat dinner without me. 

A couple of minutes of silence passed. 

I could still feel her staring at me.

“I’ve—I’ve been conflicted,” I started, tongue feeling heavy in my mouth as I continued to stare at the shoreline. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?” Kiri nudged my shoulder with hers. “Elaborate a little more, I can’t help if you don’t tell me the reason why you’re feeling confused.” 

“...Whenever I see (Y/N) with Ao’nung, it’s as if I can feel my heart aching,” I said, motioning toward my chest to prove my point. “There’s always a… a surge of anger that rushes through me. All I want to do is pull her away from him so then everything can go back to the way things used to be—for us to be okay.”

“Lo’ak…” If I was looking at her, I’d probably see Kiri tilt her head with sympathy. But sympathy isn’t what I needed right now.

“I want her to look at me and smile, to laugh with me, hug me—but now, whenever I get close to her, she’s next to him, laughing with him, cracking the jokes we would make to each other… I just—” I rubbed at my face in frustration. It wasn’t as if the words were hard to come by—I had spent so much time bottling them up that it was hard to stop talking. No, I just hated the fact that I felt this way in the first place. “I don’t understand why seeing them makes me feel like my heart is about to explode—why it makes me want to scream. It hurts.” 

“Lo’ak” she put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you—are you in love with (Y/N)?”

Love?

I sputtered in surprise and whipped my head toward Kiri to see if she was joking or not. What kind of a sick question was that? I wasn’t in the mood for any games. 

“What? No, she’s like my… sister?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “If you’re not, then why does seeing her with Ao’nung hurt you so much? Why do you care as much as you do?” 

“I shouldn’t!” I wrenched my shoulder away from her hand and stood up. The need to move around and do something—anything—was too much. There was too much energy thrumming right beneath my skin to sit still anymore. 

“That’s the problem! After everything I said to her, done to her? I don’t have the right to say I’m in love with her. She’s my childhood friend, Kiri. That’s all our relationship has ever been… I just—” I paused in thought and tried to calm down. “I didn’t realize seeing her have so much fun with someone else would make me feel so, so hollow—” 

“Let me ask you something, you have to promise to be completely honest with me, okay?”

I nodded, not even looking in her direction. 

“When (Y/N) tried to pull you off from Ao’nung that one fight months ago, what did you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Jealous?”

Jealous? Did she really think I was sulking for months because of such a petty feeling? I’m not a jealous person. I never have been. 

“Seeing her jump in to get me off him made me feel like she was siding with him and telling me that I was wrong. Her actions were clear as day to me, Kiri.” I started to pace around. “She was protecting him—caring for him when she should’ve been next to me, helping and supporting me. When she did that—I felt like the only person that’s ever been on my side—” I croaked and turned my head to look at Kiri as tears stung my eyes “The only person who didn’t see everything I did as some sort of disappointment or failure, abandoned me and chose someone else.”

“...”

“I know that I could’ve approached her a different way but how could I when I felt so broken?” I inhaled sharply, eyebrows furrowed. “ It’s all fish lips’ fault. If he wasn’t such an asshole, none of this would have happened, and (Y/N) and I would still be the same, she would still be by my side—supporting me, loving me.” 

“Why do you keep blaming it on Ao’nung?”

“Because it is his fault that things have turned out the way it has.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. What wasn’t Kiri getting? “He’s getting in between my relationship—er—friendship with (Y/N)! If he wasn’t there I would be able to talk to her and tell her I’m sorry, but she’s always with him—”

“Stop! Are you hearing yourself?” She nudged at my foot to interrupt and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? (Y/N) told me what you said to her, how ‘she wasn’t the same girl’ you knew back in the forest. Do you know what happened when you told her that? Do you know how much pain she was in?”

Pain? I snorted, turning towards Kiri. “Now I know what you’re saying is bullshit. You know how (Y/N) is—if she really was pissed at me she would’ve come to me instead of running to someone else.”

“She wasn’t pissed. She cried because of you, Lo’ak. Because of what you said.” I stopped dead in my tracks to look at her. Kiri's eyes didn’t waver. Another heavy feeling settled on my chest and clawed its way up my throat. If you had asked me what it was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Was I sad? Guilty? Angry? Was I jealous like she said?

I settled on anger.

“If you’re saying what I think you’re saying—”

“The person that found her that night, the one who comforted her? That was Ao’nung. He held her in his arms as she sobbed when I found them.” She stood up too, forcing me to stop pacing. 

“The last thing I want to hear about right now is him, Kiri. What the fuck—”

“Did you ever think about why she’s so comfortable with him now? Why they’re so close? While you ignored her for weeks, he made sure she was okay—made sure she ate every day. He didn’t leave her side until she finished,” Kiri pointed out, and before I could even think to open my mouth to remind her how shitty he was to her especially, she cut me off. “Yes, he was an asshole at the beginning, and yes he has a screwed-up way to show he cares, but he stepped up when you fucked up.” She poked my chest with a glare before she continued. 

“Oh, so I’m a fuck-up now?” I asked wryly. 

“You can’t put all the blame on someone that took care of your best friend. Stop being so blinded by your pride and hatred and see that you’re the real reason why your relationship with (Y/N) isn’t the same as it used to be.” 

My heart sank a little more as I scrambled for something to say. “How could you say that—”

“No, you do not get to interrupt me right now, Lo’ak.” Her eyes flashed with something closer to anger than annoyance. When was the last time I saw her angry? “Listen and listen well. When we couldn’t find (Y/N) and we were looking for her everywhere—he was the one that found her spot, the one she isolated herself to so she could cry alone, and no one would see how much pain she was in. And what were you doing in the meantime?” 

My ears flattened at her rising tone, and I was finally beginning to understand the weight stuck in my throat and chest. Not anger, not even jealousy.

“You were out there with Tsireya, stuck in your own little world.”

It was my fault.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy that you found her but you can’t have both of them. You can’t be that selfish. From (Y/N)’s perspective, you’ve already chosen the one you want.”

“It’s not like I’ve actually chosen anyone yet,” I tried to interject, but all the fight had left my voice as Kiri’s words dug into my skin and sunk in.

“Don’t you dare play with either of their feelings. (Y/N) held so much love for you in her heart, she allowed herself to break to the point of no repair because she didn’t want to show you how much it hurt her to see you at your happiest with Tsireya.” She paused before continuing, her voice losing its edge. “Let her move on, brother. And if it’s Ao’nung that makes her light up the way she used to, then you suck it up and let him. He was there when your pride wouldn’t even let you apologize or even look in her direction. Actually think about how she feels for once.” 

I hated the fact that there wasn’t anything I could say to prove her wrong. 

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about nowadays,” I muttered.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry, hmm

I’m sorry 

Though it’s far too late 

“I thought I was already doing that,” a faint voice huffed in annoyance. Turning the corner, I saw Ao’nung and (Y/N) standing on the beach together— far too close for my liking. 

“You were, but you got sloppy. Here, you have to move your hips like this,” he said as he corrected her posture. My ears flattened against my head as he put a hand on her hip and gently directed her movement.

Why did he look so gentle with her?

“Ao’nung,” (Y/N)’s voice rang out, clear as crystal despite her uncertain tone. “Are you sure you should be teaching me this? This is a traditional Metkayina dance, right? I’m…” she hesitated, her voice becoming smaller. “I’m not Metkayina—” 

“Yet.” He interrupted, holding her face in his hands. “You are not Metkayina yet. Once you become one of us, you will have to learn the dance to celebrate the return of our spirit brothers and sisters, so why not learn that now?” I hated how reassuring his voice was. The thought of how either of their eyes looked as they held contact made my stomach turn.

“Yeah… you’re right,” she mumbled with an unsure look on her face.

“Woah, hey pretty girl, look at me,” he insisted, laying his hands on her shoulders and bending his neck so they were at eye level. “I’m serious when I say you will become Metkayina one day, so don’t worry yourself over it right now. Okay?” Ao’nung tilted his head to the side, an unbelievably soft expression on his face. “You have me here to help you.”

“Alright…” (Y/N) mumbled, not convinced. 

“If you don’t get rid of that look on your face I’ll throw you into the water,” he said as his face shifted from sincerity to something mischievous. “Or worse… I’ll tickle you,” he threatened.

“You better not Ao’nung, or I swear to the Great Mother herself I will hu—AHH—get away, you skxawng!'' She laughed as she tried to run away, but Ao’nung grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her into his arms. And despite her words of protest, it was clear as day that she was leaning into him while they scuffled on the sand. 

“No!” she shrieked with glee. “You can’t make me go in there again!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, forest dweller!”

A thought occurred. Should I go up to them? We never got the chance to talk, after all. I took a few steps in their direction before freezing. When was the last time I heard her laugh like that? She had the biggest smile on her face, and the one who made that happen wasn’t me—it was him. 

And if you ever hear this 

I hope you know that 

I’m not proud of who I’ve been, ooh

And if I see you again

I hope you know that 

I wish you nothing but the best

And my biggest regret

The afternoon was quiet, relative silence only interrupted by the crashing of waves. Without much to do, I just sat in our marui and lazed around with Tuk until a horn blew. 

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody—our brothers and sisters have returned!” Tsireya’s voice rang out, and when I poked my head out to see what the fuss was about, I saw the megawatt smile on her face, as she swam by on her ilu. 

The village came to life as everyone mounted either ilu or canoe to make their way to the tulkun. From here, I could see little more than a large group of dark shapes making their way through the water. Payakan himself was dauntingly huge, but to see a whole pod of them show up like this? It was spectacular. I watched the commotion unfold from one of the walkways, lost in thought before I felt water splashing at my feet. 

“Come on Lo’ak! Don’t just stand there, let’s go see the tulkun together!” Tsireya urged, still smiling. Shaken out of my stupor, I grinned widely—diving into the water and clambering onto her ilu. lu may be lithe animals, but I could still feel sinuous muscle under velvety skin as it made adjustments in the water to keep balance. 

“I’ll come, but only if you’re offering a ride,” I joked, gently holding her waist and playfully leaning onto her. The cool water around us made her skin feel that much warmer. It was nice. 

Before I could see her reaction—I would’ve bet anything at that moment that her cheeks had become flushed—we began to quickly make our way toward the rest of the clan and the giant tulkun. 

The air around me vibrated with the excitement and happiness of loved ones returning, and Tsireya was no exception—the speed of the ilu gave away her eagerness to be with her spirit sister. As we leaped into and out of the water, Tsireya’s laughter was carried by the wind and reached my ears. That, and the answering whoops and bellows of Metkayina and tulkun alike, was almost contagious enough to get carried away by the energy surrounding us. 

“My spirit sister is down there,” she said as she dismounted, sliding off her ilu and into the water. “Wait here, yeah?” she smiled at me before diving down.  

I was more than happy to watch the Na’vi around me. Looking around, I was in awe of the sheer amount of tulkun gathered in one area, and how each Metkayina was able to identify their spirit sisters or brothers so easily. Looking down into the shifting waters, I saw Tsireya catching up with her spirit sister, waving her hands around and swimming through the water alongside her.

All around, I could hear people telling stories and the deep, booming calls of the tulkun as they responded with tales of their own. New parents were showing their babies and calves, and as my eyes scanned the horizon, I could see small children holding onto the tulkun’s fins as they were lifted to the glittering ocean surface.  

Not too far away, I heard the sound of a body hitting the water and the sound of grating, but familiar laughter along with an indignant (Y/N) sputtering. 

“Ao’nung, what the fu—” 

“Hey, hey, relax! It’s just some water. There are children here, yuey,” Ao’nung chided with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“The parents of those children are going to have to explain what it means to return to Eywa once I’m through with you,” she retorted, treading water and becoming even more unamused when he raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“Woah there pretty girl, you’re talking to the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora—”

“That’s funny, I don’t see Neteyam here,” she interjected, pretending to search the waters around them before turning back to Ao’nung and tilting her head, “do you?”

“Just because you said that you can have fun finding your own way back to shore,” he said as he turned his ilu around.

“Oh, c’mon Ao’nung, don’t be like that,” she rolled her eyes and reached a hand towards him. “You’d really leave me here to fend for myself?”

He turned and wagged a disapproving finger at her, “I’ll consider forgiving you if you say word-for-word that I’m the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora. I can’t have you slandering my father’s name, yuey.” She groaned and leaned back into the water. 

“You couldn’t pay me enough to say that load of bull—”

“Nope!” he didn’t give her a chance to defile the ears of any nearby children and crossed his arms. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“...”

“I’m still waiting.”

With a sardonic smile, she finally caved. “Why don’t I do you one better? You’re the mightiest warrior to exist since the time of the First Songs,” she declared, sarcasm dripping from every word as she slapped at the water for emphasis. 

“That’s what I thought, was that so hard?” Even if I wasn’t able to see them, I still would have been able to hear the stupidly wide smile that made its way across his face.

“Don’t be such a big baby and let me meet your spirit brother!” 

“Just because he’s here to visit today, I’ll let that one slide for now.” Ao’nung rolled his eyes, dismounting his ilu to join (Y/N). “Now hold on tight and hold your breath like how we practiced.”

We? Who the fuck was we? Why was he allowing her to meet his spirit brother? Why were they looking at each other like that?

I watched both of their silhouettes submerge and breathed deeply, forcing my thundering heart to calm as I slowly sank my head into the water. At first, all I could see were blobs floating around in the water, but once my eyes adjusted, I could see the fluid movement of Ao’nung talking to his spirit brother. Eyebrows furrowing, I swam a little closer and hoped that I would be able to see what was being signed. With each movement made, it was clear that Ao’nung was translating the clicks and bellows of the tulkun to (Y/N), and whatever was being said made her smile widen by the second. 

I couldn’t watch anymore as my chest burned from the lack of air and I resurfaced to catch my breath. For once, I was thankful for the lack of lung capacity I had. I climbed back onto Tsireya’s ilu. Seeing as she wasn’t back yet, I sat back and leaned on its neck to face the sky.

Did she always glow like that when she smiled? Whenever she was with him—she always looked so happy, so vibrant. Would she have looked like that with me by her side if I didn’t push her away? If I was there for her like I had promised? I wanted to tell her sorry—that I was sorry for taking our friendship for granted, for making her go through it alone. I wish that it didn’t take seeing her smile and laugh with someone else to make me realize how I felt.

I willed my tears to go away. 

Is this how she felt? Seeing me with Tsireya? Great Mother… I was truly horrible, wasn’t I? I wished things turned out differently. Maybe in another universe, I did talk to her—realized sooner, made her happier—but now? Right now, my heart was torn in two, watching as someone else picked up the pieces of the heart I crushed. No amount of words could fix what we used to have, and even though I wanted to whisk her away, tell her I love her—that I see her—that seeing her with him made my skin crawl, I knew I couldn’t. I was no longer worthy to be part of her life, because of me and my actions alone. 

I had become nothing but a stranger. 

Ever since that day 

The things I didn’t say 

They haunt me

I know that I’m to blame

So go ahead and 

Blame it on me, ooh

I know that I’m too late 

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

I’m sorry 

Hmm, I’m sorry 

Oh-oh-oh-oh, I’m sorry

Taglist: @midnightliacr @immortalbloodhuntress @arminsfloll @whenercolorfulrainbowlol @dakotali @lexilander27 @zatarias-pandora @vanillawhale @kazupop @owaowaowawa @sopiasleeps @siabhshjsjsjsjshznzn @jimfiqs @ihave500hubbiez

[tyhxrondxle]

REREADING LADY MIDNIGHT BUT I would kill myself and everyone else in this world to keep Julian Blackthorn protected AND appreciated by those to whom he has given so much (yes Mark, I’m talking to you)

Part 3😘😊

i swear to god there are some scenes that I can’t remember ever reading. But hey, in one of those Emma realizes she wants Jules!! Go baby!!!

THE SCENE WHERE CRISTINA CUTS MARKS HAIR???/?2€2!2!2€:€ Okay, hear me out. When I read this book for the first time back in 2016 I had already spend over two years obsessing over Julian and Emma, and I must admit I did not give a shit about anyone else until I read Lord of shadows BUT NOW THAT IM OLDER AND WISER CRISTINA AND MARK IN THIS SCENE MADE ME GIGGLE LIKE A TEENAGER. "You would be lovely in the Court” Mark Blackthorn get a grip.

THE CAR/IRATZE/JULIAN DYING SCENE. i’ve spent years obsessing over this scene. it has played in replay in my mind so many times that by the time I reread it I was sure it had been a fever dream of mine. but no, here’s Julian Simp Blackthorn being the horniest for Emma while also fucking dying???:!2&2!/! He’s so in love I might actually die.

Cassie foreshadowing Livvy and Cameron’s relationship in Thule (it might not have been intentional but let’s pretend) *clears throat* and I quote: “In Emma’s defense, Cameron’s annoying, but he’s hot. I mean, if you like guys who look like a redheaded Captain America, which I…don’t? (Livvy speaking)

kieran and mark my beloveds. Cristina looking at Kieran while he was looking at Mark and thinking “Never had a faerie looked so human to Cristina as Kieran did then”. I screamed actually

okay looK!!! I have a thing about a very specific trope which fits exactly with Emma and Jules, being childhood best friends to lovers but the man is and has always been a total SIMP. well, i’m gonna quote Julian thinking about Emma’s hair and i’m gonna pretend i did not cry while reading it: “emma’s hair. maybe because she took it down so rarely, maybe because emma with her hair down was one of the first things he’d ever wanted to paint”

julian and his siblings relationship has always been something that made my heart physically ache. So Julian falling with Tavvy on the stairs and hitting himself to protect Tavvy but also immediately checking if HIS baby is okay. you can not fucking tell me he should not be loved for eternity by fucking everyone

the fact that Julian can’t be physically close to emma without mentally collapsing. i mean, the man was dancing with her and he was floating. the intimacy, the CONNECTION, THE TOUCHING *chef’s kiss*

also, last but not least. alexa play When Emma falls in love by taylor swift.

okay, i’m done, shutting up now, goodbye till tomorrow I hope (also, would love to know your opinions on the scenes I talk about and shit, I’d love to make friends that feel ass passionate about tda as I do🥺)

[leathergeek]

Family Curse

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday, little did I know I'd inherit more than another year on my age.

As I fell asleep I dreamt of the most perfect girl I had ever dreamt of in my life. She was incredible, amazing body, the girl of my dreams if you will. However things took a turn when I awoke, headed to the bathroom to piss standing up, nothing seemed to come out that was until I felt it running down my leg, that's when I looked down to see my dick was gone, I reached below to feel accidentally sliping my finger in my new slit. Which made me weak from the feeling. I rushed to the mirror shocked at what stared back at me in the mirror.

I was now the girl of my dreams. I then found a letter from my father that read.

Dear Son as you no doubt realize the men in our family are cursed. on their 21 birthday the transform into a woman which you must spend the next year as, when you turn 22 you'll gain the ability to transform into anyone for the rest of your life, however if in that year you become pregnant, you are stuck as your female form. You have till midnight to adjust your body to the perfect woman to spend the next year as.

What the fuck? I couldn't believe it, so I took a shower, enjoying my new body naked, having the most intense orgasms for well over an hour. As I stepped out of the shower I looked myself over and made some adjustments/

mm yes, my tits felt amazing. and so did my new wardrobe, boring old Sam was gone, kinky Samantha was here, and all I needed now was.

A perfect Ass, maybe being a woman for a whole year wouldn't be too bad. I thought. After all in the end I'd be able to shapeshift into anyone.

By midnight I was content with the new me and surprised that reality had adjusted to me always being a woman. 12:01Am and a knock came, it was my boyfriend.

He was there to give me my birthday present, Damn, I'd better stock up on birth control, there was no way I was going to be able to keep him out of me for a year and I didn't even want to try and refuse. Fuck this was going to be an interesting year!!

[elisysd]

Gold Rush Masterlist

Sequel to Cruel Summer (Charles Leclerc x OC), can be read independently

Prologue

1.Guess my childhood is over

2.Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

3.We are invincible, we are unstoppable

4.Vultures spinning up above for what's left of me

5.They say it's bad karma being such a heartbreaker

6.If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

7.Maybe together we can get somewhere

8.I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

9.Personally, I think you'd be better with somebody like me

10.Way down we go

11.That's why I'm lying to my therapist

12.You could be my luck even if the sky is falling down

13.Lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide

14.I could be so sweet if only I were naive

15.Burn, crash, romance, I’ll take what I can get from you

16.And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright

17.I’ve been thinking way too loud, I wish that I could block me out

18.And if the storm is hitting I'll try to keep you steady

19.Ask me what I earned from all those tears

20.All I know is this could either break my heat or bring it back to life

21.Sleeping's so tough you're burning up my mind

22.It's a love story baby just say yes

23.Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's araid to get too close

24.But there's a shining in the shadows

25.I'll be there till it all feels so big, till it all feels so small

26.I’ve been feeling everything from hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth

27.Take the moment and taste it, you’ve got no reason to be afraid.

28.You've got a friend in me

29.Why don't you let me down, I'll let you do it again

30.Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you’re mine?

31.I know heaven’s a thing, I go there when you touch me

32.Maybe there's nothing after midnight that could make you stay

33.You're scared of love, well, aren't we all?

34.Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide

35.Fear or love, baby? Don't say the answer

36.And what hurts the most is people can go from people you know to people you don't

37.Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?

38.What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around?

39.And I just wanna tell you it takes everything in me not to call you

40.You know I'm afraid of change, guess that's why we stay the same

41.How long can we be a sad son 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

42.If to change is what you need you can change right next to me

43.I tell myself I'm good, but I'm falling apart

44.Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

45.Lean on me when you're not strong and I'll be your friend

46.I'll be late, but I could make it all up to you

47.I wanna be better, I wanna be new but I can’t be those things next to you

48.Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going

49.You said that you needed space, go on then, astronaut

50.I trace the evidence, make it make some sense, why the wound is still bleedin'

51. Heaven knows I should let go, it’s nothing that I don’t already know

52. Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned

53. You’re blowing through my mind like the hurricane

54. Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

55. Take a heart and take a hand, like an ocean takes the dirty sand

56. I know you're scared and your pain is imperfect but don't you give up on yourself

57. Lately she's been dressing for revenge

58. Hold on and hope that we'll find our way back in the end

59. I don't ask for much, gimme love

60. But I promise you this I'll always look out for you

Epilogue

BONUS CHAPTERS

Our first christmas

A trip to Bali

My place is yours 

We want you to be their godparents

Double trouble

Marry me?

A bold move

My favorite enemy

It’s not you and I anymore

Not this fucking family

[swampofiniquity]

Mercy Me (Leon Kennedy x Reader)

Trying to get back into writing and posting, as well as obsessing over the Re:4 remake, so I wrote this little thing.

Rated: Teen

Word Count: 1,630

Cross-posted on AO3

Summary/Warnings: Takes place right before and after the events of Resident Evil 4. You are a bartender and Leon is your favorite customer. Leon x gn!reader, alcohol consumption, Leon is obviously lonely and needs someone to take care of him.

Masterlist

"Wait, hold on, you're telling me you just snuck out of that women's house through the window?"

Leon shrugged, knocking back the last of a Knob Creek triple that should have been a double, but he tipped so well that you didn't mind giving away a few over pours now and then for him. Well, that and he had a habit of nonchalantly dropping just the most insane, quietly compelling anecdotes that you actually looked forward to your midweek closing shifts at the bar when he was in town. 

"She had a roommate. I didn’t want it to be awkward."

"At least tell me it was on the first floor?" You had stopped pretending to even be working at this point, the wash cloth in your hand having long since gone dry and useless against the still sticky spot on the bar top. 

He hesitated a moment, a cute flush creeping on his cheeks as he scratched the back of his head. "Uh, third floor. It was fine though, the apartment had a fire escape." 

You let out the laugh you’d been holding in since you’d finally nagged loose the story behind his latest romantic excursion with the last person you’d observed him leaving the bar with. You couldn’t help but flash him a smile as you heard his answering self deprecating chuckle. “You certainly are an interesting man. Need a refill?” you asked, half turned to go fetch the bottle again from the counter behind you. 

“Nah, I should probably call it. I’m actually traveling out of town for work tomorrow morning and I’ll hate myself later if I don’t hit the hay soon.” 

“Fair enough, I’ll cash you out.” As you moved to close his tab at the register, you were practically vibrating with the need to ask. Nearly an entire year had passed since Leon had first visited your bar and while you wouldn’t hesitate to call him a friend, he played everything so close to the vest that you had no idea what the hell he did for a living, other than it seemed to pay decently and he’d disappear for weeks at a time, often coming back with a hitch in his step or a new kaleidoscope of bruises. It worried you, not that he didn’t seem capable of protecting himself, you’d caught peaks at the piece he kept in a holster under the jacket he always wore. 

But it made your friendship seem oddly lopsided with how often he’d lend an understanding ear to your troubles taking over the family bar after your dad died or your less than successful efforts with the local dating pool. You were an open book, a heart on your sleeve kind of soul.

You could only guess where the man across from you would keep his own heart. In that holster perhaps, nestled behind his gun. Or maybe off his person completely, tucked away in a footlocker somewhere. Hidden in the dark and solitude, not out of nature or preference, but out of survival. His life had to have been lonely, you’d never seen him leave with the same person twice and there was never any mention of even a coworker, let alone a friend or any family. In your experience, most people drinking alone after midnight on a Wednesday didn’t have anyone waiting up at home. 

If they had a home to go back to at all. 

“Don’t bother, this should cover it.” While you were embarrassingly lost in thought, Leon had fished a couple of bills out of his wallet and slid them across the bar. You grabbed them as he turned, stretching his back out before turning for the door. “Have a nice night.”

“You too, have a safe trip!” But you couldn’t keep back a shout when you opened the till to complete the transaction, finally counting the money. He’d given you $200 for two middle shelf drinks. 

“Wait, Leon! You gave me too much.” You waived the money back to him, attempting to beckon him back over with a smile. “Should I be worried about how much you’ve had to drink, giving me a 500% tip?”

“I’m not drunk, and it wasn’t a mistake.” He paused, flipping his collar up in preparation for stepping outside into the cold. “Save that stool for me until I get back.”

With that, and a quick head pat for your dad’s old bar dog Max, Leon stepped out into the night, leaving you with a giddy pit in your stomach. 

Someone was pounding on the door downstairs. 

You had dismissed it at first, chalking it up to just another sound from the storm raging outside and trying to fall back asleep, but then Max started growling from his orthopedic dog bed by the radiator, heaving his old bones up to howl at the window. Heart pounding, you gingerly pulled back a sliver of the curtain, catching sight of a familiar motorcycle parked crookedly on the sidewalk outside. 

You didn’t think twice, throwing on a robe over your pajamas and flying down the stairs to the private side door of your apartment over the bar, flipping the multiple deadlocks and stepping out into the freezing rain to find Leon soaked to the bone, leaning up against the front door to the bar like it was the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Leon,” you called out over the sudden lump in your throat. He’d been gone for almost a month and you’d been lowkey terrified that he wasn’t coming back this time. No matter how confused you were at his reappearance, you felt tears sting your eyes with relief. 

You watched as he started, wheeling around and squinting through the rain and darkness. He mouthed your name before moving towards you, limping so alarmingly that you lunged forward to grab him before he could fall. He was heavier than he looked, body shaking with the cold or something else you couldn't tell. “Just my luck, you wouldn’t be open tonight, huh.” 

“You know we always close early on Sundays. C’mon, you’ll catch your death out here.” You were both soaking wet and dripping onto the threadbare welcome mat when you finally managed to coax him inside your apartment, just as another huge clap of thunder vibrated the windows of the old building. “You rode here in all that?”

“M sorry, didn’t know where else to go. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as the storm blows over, I promise.”

“No, it’s fine, really. I’ll put on some tea.” You froze as your sock gave a nasty, wet squelch as you made a step towards the stairs. “Shit.”

The storm raged for hours, but neither of you seemed to notice once you finally convinced Leon to stop apologizing for ruining your night. You’d found some of your dad’s old clothes in your closet for him while his own were tumbling away in your ancient dryer. After you both were warm and dry, you made some black tea for the two of you, splashing in a bit of whiskey and some fresh lemon to fight off the chill from the rain. 

He didn’t explain where he had been and you didn’t ask, content to sit with him quietly as he sipped his tea and absentmindedly pet Max, the dog leaning happily against his legs. 

“So this is where you grew up, huh?” You startled a bit at the sound of his voice cutting through the comfortable silence, looking up from your mug of tea to find Leon staring up at the old photos on the fireplace mantel across the room, the smallest smile twisting up the corner of his lips. 

You tried not to focus on the new scar that marred his smooth cheek, positive he hadn’t had it last you saw him, and tucked your feet up under you on the couch. “Yep, my dad too. My grandfather bought the bar off a guy when he got home from World War II. Almost ran it right into the ground too, until he hired my grandmother to do the bookkeeping. They got married after less than a year and my family has lived here since. The portrait in the middle is from their wedding.” 

To your surprise, Leon stood up, poorly hiding a pained grimace as he limped to the mantle, picking up the picture in question. “You look just like her.” The charming smile he sent you over his shoulder gave you butterflies. Until he replaced the frame and instead of returning to the couch, started perusing your other family pictures, much to your horror. 

“I guess so, but hey-” You jumped up, latching onto his arm and applying gentle pressure until he turned his attention back to you. “Don’t look so hard at all those, I’m not sure I’m ready for you to see my awkward highschool phase.”

“Aw come one, I’m sure you were cute.” He winked and his eyes looked so much bluer up close in the low light of your living room. 

“Yeah, well maybe I’ll let you see them if you tell me what’s going on with you,” your words gradually dropped in volume until you ended on a whisper. You could feel Leon stiffen. “You can’t just show up like you did at someone’s doorstep and not offer any explanation.”

“It’s not a very nice story,” he replied softly, reaching out to touch the necklace at your throat. You held your breath as he turned it over, righting the chain you hadn’t noticed was twisted. 

“I’m a bartender, more than half the stories I hear aren’t very nice. Try me.”

Leon heaved a sigh, scrubbing a palm over his face before nodding. “One condition: got any more of that whiskey up here?”

[sleepparalysisdemon112]

i literally adore your writing !! i reread atleast 3 of your stories everyday

can you do a fred weasley x a loud, troublesome reader ? maybe a girl that’s exactly like him?

Fred Weasley seemed to always be my competition, not in academics, but in being the most disruptive in class. It was like a game almost, and although everyone thought we despised each other little did they know we had our own ordeals. You see the deal was whoever could make the most people laugh, or whoever could get kicked out first would be the one to receive the most pleasure, and right now I was losing profusely.

So far in this hour class period, he had made four people laugh while I only had one. In my defense, it was one of my not-so-creative days after being kept up till midnight by having my entire body kissed. The most annoying thing is every time he would make another person laugh he would lock his eyes on mine and smile.

"Alright class please close your notebooks and head to your study periods," I was in for it. I already knew what he would want.

I close my notebook and collect my things before entering the corridor on the way to the girl's abandoned bathroom. I could feel him behind me not close but enough that his gaze is so noticeable.

By the time I get there, I'm waiting in the second stall that we always go to.

I heat the door open and prepare myself for whatever he's about to ask me to do.

He enters the stall and I step back giving him room to fit inside he places his hand on my face and pulls me in for a kiss without saying anything. "You haven't lost in a while, love," he kisses across my cheek and down to my jaw, "What do you want me to do Freddie?" I ask through breaths, "I want you to suck my dick," he says on my neck and I'm already imagining the feeling, I haven't done this since the first time we made this agreement.

"sit down then," I say as he releases from the kiss and smiles down at me.

He listens and begins dropping his pants and sitting down on the seat of the toilet. Once he's sat and his pants and underwear are down I place myself in front of his semi-hard dick my knees hurting against the floor, but I don't care I only have one thing on my mind as of now.

I grab it and begin stroking it as precum falls down and his dick becomes harder. "Fuck y/n, I worked extra hard to feel that fucking mouth," with that comment I place his tip in my mouth and circle my tongue around his tip before slowly going down on his length stroking the parts I can't fit in my mouth. "Merlin, y/n-" I go a bit faster and go up to circle my tongue on his tip a bit more before going back down and taking as much as I can.

"Fuck I won't last long-" so I go a bit faster ready to taste him.

"Fuck, fuck-" and with a couple more strokes he comes and I swallow all of it down.

"I've got to win more."

[noisilyeclecticmilkshake]

Nothing but Sleep. (1)

pt. 2

“Come on Whumpee, you know we have a big day today. We’ve been planning this all week.”

Caretaker was attempting to gently pull the covers off of Whumpee, but they just groaned and death rolled into another layer of sheets. They were always like this, early to bed, late to rise. Their dreamwalk ability meant their mind was drawn to sleep, and, after one night out with Sidekick, they had found it was also extra-sensitive to not getting enough sleep, something they cursed Sidekick for when they had to go to work the next day. It also meant getting them up for breakfast required 12 workers and a bulldozer. Or, if you happened to have one on hand, Sidekick did pretty well too, so Caretaker went to get her.

“Okay, Whumpee, you have ‘till I count to three, then I’m rolling you out like a sleeping bag!” Sidekick was the very opposite of Whumpee in regards to sleep, she would party ‘till midnight and still be up to make breakfast for everyone the next morning. She also seemed to have no sympathy for Whumpee’s sleeping plight.

“One” Sidekick grabbed the edge of the blanket Whumpee was sleeping in.

“Two.” Her superstrength meant this would not be an issue. Whumpee had to know this, but maybe they thought Sidekick was bluffing.

“Three!” Sidekick was not bluffing.

Whumpee fell out of their cozy blanket burrito with a flop, but awake. “Ohh. Whyyyy? Why can you never wake me up normal?”

“Because you sleep like a dead brick, my very beloved friend.” Sidekick was beaming a smile and Caretaker just laughed, his ability to see auras meant the room was split in half with a purple discontentment and a light orange excitement. 

“I love you guys. Never change.” And Caretaker watched their auras even out a bit, each color adopting a pinkish tint, embarrassed. “Come on. It’s breakfast time, get dressed Whumpee, and don’t even think about getting back in bed. 

“UGH! Fine.” And Whumpee got up. It was a big day after all, they were going with Hero to scope out Villain’s base. 

-

“We’re going over the plan one more time.” Hero had everything planned, even managed to get a blueprint, it was spread out on the table in front of them, covered with marks and notations, a testament to the overtime hours they had put in preparing through the week.

“Whumpee?” 

Whumpee was holding the largest size energy drink they could steal out of Sidekick’s room. It was something they rarely drank on account of thoroughly enjoying sleep, but everyone had put in extra hours and it was getting to Whumpee a bit.

“I stay outside, radio for any trouble I see entering or exiting the base.” It was perfect for them, they could fight, defend themself if need be, but they didn’t have a combat-useful power like Sidekick or Hero.

“Sidekick?” 

“Break down that door! Subdue anyone in our way!” It was said with the cheerful imposition of pacifist.

“Gently.” It was more a warning than a statement, judging by Hero’s tone.

“Yes, Yes. Of course. Gently superstrength subdue anyone in our way.”

“Good, and you’re not breaking down any doors. We don’t want to give Villain a reason to go after anyone, so far we’ve stayed off his radar. Hopefully it can stay that way. I am going to portal myself, Sidekick, and Caretaker inside the building. Remember, this is a recon mission, if we see anyone, we take note, and make plans to go back, we do not engage. There aren’t enough of us to do anything other than what we plan. Understood?”

“Yes.” The team said it in unison. They had heard too many stories of too many groups destroyed trying to save people they were unprepared for, how the captive got team members caught, and, against some particularly bad villains, killed. They even heard mention of minions pretending to be hostages and prisoners, not that anyone would ever not fall for it, you just can’t assume that kind of thing. Not without a ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.

“Caretaker?” Hero’s voice was the same, even, demanding tone it always was in mission mode, but now with a tinge of grimness.

“I am going to be on the lookout for auras. Stop us from running into the Villain’s people.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

[smwhererealistic]

Lonely birthday, heavy heart

Atsumu Miya (MSBY timeskip)

Warnings: Angst, arguing (from reader but really light), celebrating birthday alone, forgetfulness, crying, family member that passed

Summary: Atsumu forgets your birthday.

---

( your birthday date/ month/ year )

"birthday"; the anniversary of the day on which a person was born, typically treated as an occasion for celebration and the giving of gifts.

that's what i got, gifts;

memorable words from friends and family, presents mailed to my door since i didn't exactly like the normal birthday parties.

i was grateful for them, of course.

but i was looking forward to his.

atsumu miya, starting setter for the Division 1 V. league Team; MSBY Black Jackal and is also a member of the Japan National Volleyball Team, and my boyfriend.

we both have dated since highschool graduation till now.

he was always busy but i kept on supporting him, maybe that's why our relationship is still going.

he knew he couldn't always be with me, that was his #1 guilt.

but everytime he came home, i'd be there for him right after a bad day/ practice or losing game.

the positive thing was that he'd always shower you with love, affection, gifts, anything.

however. there was also negative things; he'd be busy(reasonable) and he might miss dates from it.

whenever he missed dates, i didn't mind and brushed it off as he'd always come back the next day, drag me to a fancy place for dinner with him to repay for it.

it honestly didn't matter wherever he took me, i just wanted to be with him.

i knew from the moment i dated him, i'd have to face these challenges.

some days i would be touch starved while he was at practice.

some other days, he would actually be home, but i had work.

i loved him still, so i wouldn't leave him just because my needs weren't taken care of.

dating an athlete had requirements; the most important one,

if he truly loves you, never end it off, especially if there was something important the next day.

it might hurt, but you have to let him, let you go instead.

but i knew atsumu wouldn't ever plan on doing that since he showed his love when he could.

i always hid my disappointment when people let me down, simply because i either didn't want to hurt the person, or i just couldn't.

atsumu knew that, so that's why he always repays the missed dates.

however, this was a different story.

it was your birthday.

anything from him could be fine, because you'd love it just as much.

a text could be amazing since it was soon midnight, and atsumu hasn't said anything from the moment he woke up to get to practice until now.

he wasn't home yet, probably still practicing with his teammates.

but did he actually forget?

atsumu had promised to take me to this restaurant i had always wanted to go.

he was eager too, assuring that he already booked it for dinner on my birthday.

so when i went to make a call to the restaurant, hoping to be able to change the dates.. it turns out, he didn't even call.

i knew it was hard to get a booking there, since it was new but seemingly famous already.

but when you call, you'll be put on hold for minutes, probably an hour.

but your number you called from will be kept, and the restaurant would call back when there was a spot.

but atsumu's number wasn't even on it.

i was angry, but i shouldn't be..right?

he probably forgot, and that's why i always had to do it myself for dates, even if it always had to be changed.

i was really disappointed.

good thing i didn't dress up and go to the place only to be told;

"I apologise but there is no booking under that name, would you like to queue up. the estimated waiting time would be 45 minutes, and you'd be the (no.) in line."

that would be embarrassing if i did, because he wouldn't even show.

while waiting for atsumu, i got lazy to cook so i ordered take-out.

i ordered at our favourite place since we couldn't go to the new restaurant. i decided to eat first, leaving atsumu's food still in the bag, cold, and untouched.

"what a lonely birthday.." i poked at my food.

i threw out the empty container. turning to face the door when i heard it slowly creep open.

"hey babe!" he smiled worriedly.

"hi atsumu."

he visibly frowned at that.

"what happened to tsumu or babe or-"

"i'm really not in the mood right now atsumu." i huffed, walking into our bedroom, sitting on my side of the bed as i got ready to sleep.

atsumu followed suit, bending down to my legs as he gently rubbed them.

"i'm really sorry i forgot, once i remembered, i rushed back." he explained.

"that's the problem tsumu, you always forget. i'm not even expecting expensive gifts or fancy restaurants, i just want you to acknowledge it." i exclaimed.

"i'll make it up to you, i promise. tomorrow, i'll skip training, and i'll be yours twenty four-seven." he stared at me, watching me wipe the light makeup i had put on before finding out.

"you can't skip tsumu, you're on a professional team." i remarked.

"yes i can, i just won't go." he smiled cheekily, hugging me from behind.

"sakusa would make you run laps, you already complain about that." i shrugged of his hold on me.

"you really let me down this time." i didn't even look at him.

i laid in bed, pulling the blanket over me as atsumu slowly walked to my side, tears threatening to fall, simply glistening.

"but babe-"

"if you're hungry, your food is on the counter." i turned my back to him.

"i already ate..the boys ordered take-out.." he muttered hesitantly.

"then just get wash up for bed." i replied.

"babe, please, you're being unreasonable." he whines.

"i'm being unreasonable atsumu?" i scoffed, sitting up as i stared at him in shock.

"i didn't mean it-"

"well you did." i poked my inner cheek with my tongue.

i wanted to yell, of course. i was angry, but i would always tear up while doing so.

"even your brother wished me a happy birthday." i huffed as atsumu stared at me, as if he was betrayed.

"that's not fair-"

"you know why i always enjoy my birthdays? it's because i'm always with you atsumu. i didn't want anything, i wanted you." i teared up slowly, pinching my thigh to try and stop myself.

"you know how i celebrated my birthday today? i ate a bento cake my sister had scheduled for it to be delivered on my birthday, and she's all the way in France.i ate it by myself, saving half for you since you enjoyed the baked goods my sister gives to me.

my mother, personally made a scrapbook with photos as me from a child to the last day i had with her before i moved in with you, writing a "it might not be much, but i know you like memorable stuff like this. atsumu's gift might be better but i hope you like my gift, i love you." note.

my father..my mother had sent me a packet filled with money in it, saying that he was saving it for me the moment i graduated and started working just in case something happened and i'm so grateful for that."

when i finished my long speech, my cheeks were wet with tears. atsumu stared, tears also slowly falling.

"if a dead man could do better, then you should know how disappointed i am tsumu. you really let me down.." i bit my inner cheek, laying back in bed as i faced away from him.

he didn't even speak, but i heard a soft thud, his head resting against my back as i felt the blanket behind me slowly get wet, but i paid no mind to it, going to bed, with a heavy heart.

---

this is all made up!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I have reached the point of "regular sleep" where the insomnia hours have completely devoured my original sleeping time. I lay there relaxing for hours on end until it's nearly 5am and I have to get up, then I need to be awake from 5 until at least 10 so I can run errands safely, and then I can only sleep from about 10am until 2 pm...

That's 4 hours out of 24, with chronic fatigue

And yet sleeping that little doesn't help me fall asleep any faster the next night.

And that's the ongoing problem.

I am exhausted so I sleep

My brain forms and breaks patterns at a single repetition so I sleep at the same time the next day

This keeps up for a week of okay sleep

I start experiencing really wild dreams or worse depending on how long I push myself to stay on this existing schedule and not just nap when I am tired or get the sudden overwhelming sleepies

This escalated until insomnia and alertness completely overtakes the times of day my brain had JUST decided it wanted to be sleeping

This happens twice as fast when I am trying to sleep at night rather than during the day

No matter how many migraines I force myself awake through to sleep at bedtime, once it gets to bedtime I am so awake and alert I cannot physically sleep even if I take melatonin or sleeping pills, or both and lay there thinking calm thoughts, even for 10 hours

I get so exhausted I just let my body sleep whenever it wants and the cycle starts again

The only alternative I have ever had is just sleep when I get sleepy, which can be for up to 16 hours a day.

The problem is that tends to be during the day. It has been that way since I was a literal baby. My mothers tells me stories about me being so sleepy all day I'd fall asleep in my food and being awake all night cooing quietly to myself on the baby monitor. She tells me stories about me being a toddler and getting up in the middle of the night to play.

So now, my options are:

Try to force myself to stay awake all day and hope that means I can sleep tonight at 6 pm, which looks doubtful and will give me a migraine while I have no advil left in the house, and which will perpetuate the increasing night terrors, sleep paralysis and waking-up/falling asleep hallucinations problem... OR

Let myself sleep during the 4 hours my brain will let me and then continue this cycle of only sleeping 4 hours a day and being too exhausted to do anything.

Caffeine hasn't been helping, not even having both tea and coke right before my 10 am nap time. All it does is focus me, which -if I am already tired- just helps me fall asleep. Caffeine before my bedtime doesn't help because the problem is already that I feel too alert...

Complicating this is the fact that Pumpkin is DEAD SET on screaming every 3 hours for food and will not fucking quit it even when we are on a regular schedule. So on the off chance I don't wake up on my own after useless intervals, he does it.

I just want to sleep at night during regular times and wake up feeling rested. That is all I want. That is all I have ever wanted, but people keep acting like my irregular sleeping patterns are a choice or a product of me not trying hard enough.

My last option is go to bed now and ride the sleepiness all day and night if I can and maybe finally wake up at 3am tomorrow, but the problem is that requires skipping meals. Also Pumpkin will scream the entire time because he won't just eat the food that's already in his dish.

Failing all that, I let my schedule flip and be nocturnal.

The problem with that is then I can't clean or organize anything because that would be making noise at night. My neighbours are okay blasting dance music till midnight, but if I make noise cleaning they will try to report me.

Maybe if I keep myself warm, keep sipping hot drinks and eating a lot, and keep myself moving periodically and watching something, I can stay awake without a splitting headache and continue the regular sleep experiment.

[snapshotsofalmost]

The Fall from the Stage (part 1)

The Encounter

The sun sets in the field.

The full moon rises—of course, the full moon rises.

Musicians come alive on stage.

I feel light, elated, tipsy.

My friends are in the best of moods,

everyone is beautiful.

I look around and I see him—

dangerous look, sweet eyes.

I’m instantly drawn to him, have to talk to him.

He's kinda shy; I’m not.

I’ve always loved that.

We talk; he’s in a band.

Im fucked.

The Show

I can't process.

The guy on stage isn’t the guy I met.

This guy is loose, electric—every movement, a statement.

No fucks given.

I'm drunk, kissing boys around me.

Guess I dont give a fuck either.

I look again—I can’t even dance; I’m paralyzed.

His shirt is gone, his makeup dripping,

he’s jumping everywhere.

I want to jump everywhere.

I'm truly fucked.

The Corn Field

Somehow, we make our way,

together, to the corn field.

There we lie, looking at the moon,

drinking our beers away, looking like a cliche.

Who knows what I said,

who knows what he said.

I'm so drunk, and I just want to kiss the boy on the stage.

We kiss. I feel alive,

and God knows, I love to feel alive.

The Tent

Wanna come to my tent?

Sure!

The Morning After

I had a good time—I’m hungover.

We cuddle, he's a cuddler.

I say, “Hey, I think we should be friends. Friends last; romances don’t.”

He says, “Well, depends if it's the right one.”

I brush it off; I know what I know.

He leaves, and I have a beautiful day, 

the purest kind of day—with friends.

We swim, we dance, and to be honest,

I would’ve been fine never seeing him again.

The Boat

He reaches out—they always do.

“It was great to meet you. Come hang on the boat sometime.”

So tonight, I do.

I get there, he looks good. He always does.

We talk, we drink, the night grows deep.

He takes me out on the midnight sea.

I might be falling under his spell,

but it might just be the ocean’s swell.

I sleep on the boat, and as dawn breaks, I say,

“I'm going away for ten days.”

The Going Away

Sent at 7:34 pm

Noooooo don't leave! I know… It will be okay. Yeah, hopefully. We will! - When will I see you next?

The Being Away

I'm back home, and he occupies my mind.

Not all of it, but too much of it.

He sends me pictures of the moon.

I hate it, but I love it.

He says he misses me.

Somehow, I miss him too.

The Coming Back

We almost didn’t see each other again.

Some alarm went off inside of me,

as if I already knew

this is gonna be the death of me.

But I went anyway.

We lay on the grass, drinking beer (again).

He says he’s not looking for a relationship.

I should have run then.

But I wasn’t looking for a relationship either.

Not really.

Was that a lie? I’ll never be sure.

And those eyes—those sweet, intense eyes.

They won.

“Wanna come to mine?”

The Beach

We wake up, intertwined.

We have breakfast; we laugh.

Laughing together—it’s the one thing we’re great at.

We go for a walk on the beach.

He runs everywhere, he’s just a kid—

Throwing rocks,

doing magic tricks.

The thing about magic tricks, though—

they’re just that. Tricks.

The Swim

We go for a swim,

maybe more of a dip. Definitely just a dip.

The sun is hot, but the ocean is cold.

I hold you in my arms; you’re just as cold.

We go under water together,

and those are the glimpses I want to remember.

The Wedding

He comes to my friend's wedding.

He says I look great, and I blush.

Just for tonight, I want to lose myself, happy to pretend. 

We eat, we dance, we stare too long.

We go to my car, and I ruin it all.

He says he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

I take it back; I want the fairy tale back, just for tonight.

We go to the hotel,

and keep pretending, keep living the lie,

of a fairy tale, for a little while. 

The Birthday

He stays up till midnight

to be the first to wish me happy birthday.

He buys me a card, and my favorite wine.

I don’t know about you,

but that will fuck with someone’s mind.

The Show and the Shitshow

All my friends come to your show.

I’m excited to show you off.

At this point, I’m obsessed.

We watch you play, you do your thing, I love it, everyone loves it.

We leave, you’ll join us later.

But you don’t show up—I’m pissed, I cry, I lose it, everyone’s pissed.

You call me the next morning : “You’re so fucking mad”.

Instantly, I’m not mad at all— but my friends, they still are.

The Boyfriend-Girlfriend

You show me a picture of you kissing someone on stage.

I don’t like it, but I keep my cool.

I think it’s a girl—turns out it’s a boy,

I’m relieved. You find it cute. 

You say : “Are we boyfriend-girlfriend?”

Did not expect that one. “I don’t know?”

You laugh, “Fuck it, let’s give it a go.”

I still don’t know by then.

Don’t know how you move through life on impulse, 

drifting by your own rules, letting moments pull you in.

You say things you don’t mean, you follow your own whims.

You’re entitled to live that life,

but why bring me along for the ride?

The Call

Not even a week later, you call me on the phone.

“I just don’t think I want to be in a relationship right now.”

“It’s nothing against you, nothing you said or did.”

Oh perfect. Glad it’s not me!