#maybe if i give myself till midnight

[izzy-b-hands]

I told myself I was gonna get one of today's prompts done but

i am staring at my word doc wrapped in a blanket thinking about showering and going to sleep instead (even tho I know my brain won't let me actually fall asleep until fuck knows when, which makes that feel like just. wasted time.)

[soccer-love]

Weddings make lovers

Mala Grohs x reader

Magdas and Pernilles weeding was a thing the whole Bayern team was looking forward to.

The were getting married on a Saturday after the last game of the season.

Everyone helped to make this day perfect.

They offered to let other guest stay at their apartments, helped to decorate the location, picking out the cake and food and helping each other to choose outfits.

The ceremony was beautiful and besides the familys, Tuva was the one to cry, and every five minutes someone else had to hand her a tissue.

After the ceremony and the dinner, the big party started.

Jovi had offered to be the DJ and she really did a great job.

At first she played the song, Magda and Pernille had picked out for their first dance and then more songs you could dance to.

During that, Caro and Georgia took over the bar and tried to give everyone there own cocktail creations, while also being a little bit tipsy already.

Linda was the one to take pictures of everything and everyone.

Syd and Klara where joking and fooling around, making everyone laugh and encouraged everyone to dance.

And I was somewhere in the middle of all of that.

I was already a little bit tipsy, thanks to Caro's newest creation: The Amortentia Potion, inspired by Harry Potter. And maybe that was also the reason why I walked towards Mala as I saw her on standing the side of the dancefloor.

"Mala." I say and smile at her.

I don't know who helped her pick out her outfit, but it was incredible hot.

A blue suit, with a read tie and black shoes.

"Y/N."

"Come dance with me." I say and grab her hand, it's warm and fits perfectly into mine.

"What happened to the shy and calm Y/N?" Mala asks laughing as she starts to dance along with me.

"Maybe this is the true and dark me?" I answer and place her hand on my shoulder.

"You have a dark side?"

"Dark and dusty, hidden deep inside me."

"I am impressed."

We dance for some more and I really enjoy the feeling of her hands on my shoulder.

I like her, more than I should.

More than she likes me.

"Y/N! Sorry Mala but G and I need her." I hear Caro's voice next to me and turn around.

She points over to the bar, where Georgia is standing together with Magda, Linda Sembrant and Zecira Musovic.

"Zecira brought some drink called Akvavit, and you absolutely have to try it." Caro explains and I nod.

"Sorry Mala." I say and let myself get dragged away by Caro.

"This is literally so good!" Georgia says and hands me a shot glass.

The cold liquid burns in my throat but it's also really good.

"Oh my gosh this is really good." I say making them laugh.

"Told ya." Georgia answers, pouring me another shot glass of it and drinking one her own.

"Better be careful." Magda warns, Pernille appearing behind her.

"Careful with what?" she asks, sliding one arm around her wife.

"They are trying Akvavit." Zecira explains, pointing at the bottle.

"Uh yeah you should defiantly be careful, that stuff is really strong." Pernille warns while Georgia and I drink our third glass of that stuff.

"Nah we can handle that, we are big girls." Georgia says and wraps one arm around me.

Caro serves us a round of drinks and Pernille and Magda leave to talk to some people.

The party keeps going till it's late at night, around midnight most of the people started to leave and now there are only some friends, some team members and the brides left.

"I need to go to the restroom." I say to Caro who is still standing behind the bar with Georgia, singing along to a German party song, Jovi finally decided to play.

"Der Zug hat keine bremse." she sings in reply and I cant help but laugh.

The floor on the way there is really uneven and as I come back I see someone coming towards me.

"You're good?" I hear Mala asking, fuck is she hot.

"This floor isn't built right." I say instead of answering her question.

"Uhm?"

"You know what a friend of mine is a carpenter I think he knows how to fix this." I say and pull my phone out of my pocket.

"Y/N, it is 1am I don't think he will like it if you call him now."

I put my phone back into my pocket and look at her.

"I think you should go home and sleep till you're sober." Mala says "I can drive you home."

"You are so smart." I step closer, how can someone actually be so smart? I mean she is studying....something. I know she is studying something you have to be very smart for. But right now I cant remember its name.

"There is so much knowledge inside your beautiful head." I say, pressing one finger against her forehead.

"And your skin is so soft." I feel the need to touch her cheek.

"Yeah you defiantly are druck, come on let's get you home." she says laughing and wraps one arm around me, trying to get me to walk towards the exit.

"Wait." I say and grab her by her jacket, pulling her against me.

Her warmth surrounds me and I feel like I could pass out just from that feeling.

"Mala."

"Yes?" her voice is so soft, like she is an angel.

"I really want to kiss you." I say, looking at her lips for some seconds before I look up into her eyes.

"That's because you're drunk." she says but not letting go of me.

"No! I mean yes...I say that because I am drunk but I want to kiss you even when I am sober."

"You-"

"I am in love with you, Mala."

A small smile curls up on her lips and she softly grabs my chin.

"If you really mean that, then say it again when you are sober." she says, stepping back.

"But don't play with my feelings Y/N."

I slowly nod, suddenly feeling really tiered.

"Let's get you home." she says and I follow her down the hall, we say goodbye to Magda and Pernille and some other people and I see Magda whispering something to Mala while looking at me but I cant hear what they are saying.

Mala drives me home and waits outside until I am inside my apartment.

---

We have two final training sessions before everyone is going on their summer vacations and as usual I am one of the last ones to be there.

Malas place in the locker room is directly opposite to mine and normally we talk a little while getting chanced and she helps me doing my hair.

But today is different.

Yesterday morning I woke up with my head feeling like it had doubled in size but unfortunately I could remember everything that had happened.

And I feel like she also did.

The training is good but it feels different without Mala talking to me and making jokes all the time.

At the final training it is the same and I definitely know that I don't want to go into summer brake like that.

I try to be the last one to go into the locker room but she is already waiting outside as I get there.

"We should talk." she says and I nod.

"Yeah."

I follow her around the corner so we won't get interrupted by any of the other players.

"I don't know how much you remember of the party night but-"

"I remember everything." I interrupt her, leaning against the wall.

"And I am sorry for telling you that but..." I look at the floor, I could just deny it, deny my feelings, deny the fact that I didn't say all of that because I was drunk.

"I...I cant tell you that it was because of the alcohol, because .... because it is true. Everything I said." I say and look up.

I am surprised by the way she looks back at me, not mad or hurt but with a small smile on her lips. Her beautiful lips.

She steps closer.

"What is true?" she asks.

"That I am in love with you and that I want to kiss you."

"And what did I say after you told me that?"

"To tell you that again when I am sober?" I ask, confused about her reaction.

"No after that."

"To not play with your feelings." I repeat her words, realizing that I completely forgot about that till now.

"Because I cant have you telling me, that you like me back and not meaning it." she explains, taking another step towards me, my body now trapped between her and the wall.

"You...you like me too?" I ask, but scared of what she would say I look down at our shoes.

"How could I not like you." she whispers in the space between us. And like she did at the weeding, she grabs my chin and softly pushes it up.

She leans forwards, searching in my eyes for the permission to do it.

I close my eyes, waiting for her lips to meet mine. And they do.

Her lips feel so soft against mine. She tastes a little like Powerade, lip balm and her.

I can't believe I am kissing her.

As we brake apart, a big smile forms on my lips.

I open my mouth to say something but someone else is faster than me.

"Wow."

We look to the side and I feel one of Malas arms around me like she wants to protect me from anything that could happen now.

At the end of the hallway, there are standing Magda and Pernille, both ready to go home.

"Soon enough." Magda says, coming towards us, followed by her wife.

I just look at them, to stunned to speak.

"Magda." Pernille says in a warning tone.

"What?" She says laughing "You also knew about this."

"You...what?" I ask.

"I told them about my feelings." Mala says and looks at me. So that was what they were talking about at the weeding.

"Well, weddings make lovers." Magda says and smiles at us like a proud mom.

[ghostgirl-22]

Wanna ride that wave

18+ !NSFW!

Day 5: Edging (y’all it might be orgasm denial… idk)

___________________________________

Dealing with this Patrick thinks he deserves some kind of award. And no, not a trophy. He’s got plenty of those. No, he deserves sainthood actually.

It’s late summer and they’re bored enough to mess around. He’s barely dressed and lying on his bedroom floor with Art on top of him. Art’s touching his face, kissing him and he’s such a ridiculous kisser. He’s orally fixated so he’s using his tongue to search every bit of Patrick’s mouth for stimulation, which leads to him moaning, gasping just for the feeling of it. It drives Patrick insane. And when he’s feeling really silly he’ll move his hips and grind, chasing his own orgasm. He always comes first which usually… Patrick makes fun of…but tonight it’s working in his favor. Art can feel how eager Patrick is so he slows down. He sits up and looks over at the door. “Sorry, I thought I heard someone,” Art whispers.

Patrick groans. The little fucker has already come twice. He’s doing all of this to torture Patrick.

“No one is home,” Patrick says, he shifts his hips but Art doesn’t give him anything, he just sits up on his knees, taking away the friction so Patrick has to thrust into air.

People think he’s sweet and innocent, Patrick’s own mother says crazy stuff like, don’t be mean to that sweet boy. No one else knows that he’s evil.

Art looks down at him and smiles. “Whoops, I coulda sworn I heard a noise.” Art knows Patricks parents are out of town and his big brother won’t be home till midnight. He could literally stretch this out for hours if he felt like it.

Patrick reaches for him, trying to get him to sit back on his lap but he doesn’t come. He’s got Patrick circling the edge of it just because he can.

“I wanna lie on the bed,” Art says.

“Okay, fuck it, let’s get on the bed,” Patrick says, pushing himself up. Whatever he needs to do to get off.

Art watches him get up.

“Wait maybe…” he says and Patrick lingers. Art is still sitting on the floor. Pretty boy. Patrick wants to strangle him. “I’m hungry, do you have any more candy?” Art asks.

“Yeah, you can put this in your mouth,” Patrick says, gesturing at the tent of his boxers.

Art settles cross-legged on the floor and leans back on his hands grinning up at him. “Mm, I want something sweet to suck on.” He plays with his tongue in his mouth.

Patrick takes a deep breath and tangles his fingers into Art’s hair. “You promised you would as long as I didn’t touch myself.”

“I will,” Art says softly. “When I’m ready.”

He knows Art’s trying to get out of the promise by making it impossible for Patrick not to touch himself but Patrick’s just as competitive as Art is. Unfortunately, Art’s manipulative side is also a fucking turn on for him.

“Fuck,” Patrick sighs.

“You’re so obsessed,” Art grins. “All this cause I said I’d put it in my mouth. I feel like you’d do anything I say if I promised you could put it in my ass,” He sighs and uncrosses his legs, drawing his knees up.

Patrick hates how right he is and he gets back on his knees and crawls between Art’s legs. “Can I put it in your ass?”

“Yeah,” Art smiles, “when you close your eyes and dream.”

Patrick takes a breath. “I’m going crazy.”

”So touch yourself,” Art shrugs, resting his head on his shoulder. “I’ll watch.”

“I can do that anytime, I wanna feel you,” Patrick whispers.

“Obsessed,” Art smirks.

Patrick kisses him and Art lets him do it. He only stops when Patrick tries to push him on the ground and get on top of him. Art licks his lips and Patrick sighs, breathing less than an inch away from his mouth.

“You just wanna fuck me so bad,” Art whispers.

“So bad,” Patrick agrees.

Art smiles and kisses him again, slowly. He moves to get on Patrick’s lap again and Patrick moves to accommodate him. The weight of him feels like a relief. He’s moving immediately and it’s like Patrick isn’t starting at zero but he has to work his way up to where he was. Art’s kissing him and kissing him and kissing him all while squirming in his lap and just when Patrick is back… when he’s riding the knifes edge of orgasm desperate to fall over…that’s when Art stops him again.

“Fuck me,” Patrick groans loudly resting his forehead against Art’s. “Are you fucking serious?” He says breathlessly, helplessly.

“Mm actually I think I wanna be on the bed, my knees hurt.” Art says getting to his feet. He’s the devil actually.

Patrick sighs and flops back on the ground, more sexually frustrated than he’s ever been. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty.”

[ohdorothea]

This tournament is being run by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info here! Lyrics for the songs and FAQ under the cut!

Snow On The Beach lyrics

One night a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what could've been lights

But it might just have been you

Passing by unbeknownst to me

Life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

And my flight was awful, thanks for asking

I'm unglued, thanks to you

And it's like snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, oh

This scene feels like what I once saw on a screen

I searched 'aurora borealis green'

I've never seen someone lit from within

Blurring out my periphery

My smile is like I won a contest

And to hide that would be so dishonest

And it's fine to fake it till you make it

Till you do

Till it's true

Now it's like snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, oh

I can't speak, afraid to jinx it

I don't even dare to wish it

But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Now I'm all for you like Janet

Can this be a real thing, can it?

Are we falling like

Snow at the beach

Weird, but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

(It's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

Like snow on the beach

(It's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

(It's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

(Down, it's coming down, it's coming down, it's coming down)

🫶🫶🫶

Glitch lyrics

We were supposed to be just friends

You don't live in my part of town but maybe I'll see you out some weekend

Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in

And what's in my system

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground

But it's been 2,190 days of our love blackout

(Our love is blacking out)

The system's breaking down

(The system's breaking down)

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, ah-yeah

A brief interruption

A slight malfunction

I'd go back to wanting

Dudes who give nothing

I thought we had no chance

And that's romance

Let's dance

Glitch, ah-yeah

Five seconds later I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, ah-yeah

And I'm not even sorry

Nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch

🫶🫶🫶

The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes!!!

If you’d like to send in interpretations or propaganda for a specific song you can send them to my inbox! All interpretations are welcome and let’s be open and kind in response to all interpretations <3

[yourimagines]

Late night talking

* English is not my first language, I apologise for that

* Not my gif

Y/N POV

Hayden and I were laying on the sofa together. The tv was playing a Christmas movie and the lights were off. “How many times did we see this move?” I whispered. “Don’t know” he whispered back. He moved up a bit to grab a blanket. “I feel your shivering.” And he places the blanket carefully over us. “Thank you.” “No problem.” And he wrapped his arms around me and pulls me closer to his chest. “I can do this forever you know.” I started to laugh. “I mean it tho.” He started to give me a few kisses on my shoulder. “We can do this till the snowstorm is over.” I carefully turned around. He was looking at me with a smile on his face. “Then I hope this snowstorm last forever.” I shyly hide my face in my hands “Hayden stop it you making me blush.” He starts to laugh. “I’m sorry, I can’t help myself.” I feel his hands take mine away from my face. “Just don’t hide yourself, you are to beautiful for that.” He brings my hands to his lips and place a few kisses on them. “You’re just to kind.” And I carefully turned around to watch the movie again. “Do you think they will ever make a second part?” “Maybe, I hope so.” He pulls me a little bit closer to his chest. “I don’t think they will make a second movie about it.” “Why?” “Because the movie doesn’t have an open ending.” “That doesn’t matter.” “It does.” I shook my head. “ I don’t care, just give me a second movie.” I feel he’s laughing. “I’m sorry love, it’s not how it works.”

The movie was over and Hayden and I were still cuddling on the sofa. His fingers were tracing up and down my arm. “I was thinking about you and me moving in together.” He whispered “You want that?” I asked carefully. “Of course I want that.” I turned around to see his face. “Hayden, I would love to move in together.” He smiled. “Then we are going to do that right after the storm is over.” He leaned forward to kiss me softly. I placed my hands on his chest. “I’m so ready for us to do the next steps in our relationship.” His hand went up into my hair. “I’m ready too.” As I smiled at him. My eyes were feeling heavy and I started to yawn. “Love it’s okay, just close your eyes.” I cuddled up to him and I rested my head against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me. He started to give kisses against my forehead. “Just go to sleep my love, It’s already midnight.” “Just don’t leave me.” “I would never leave you and besides how I am suppose to leave when there’s a snowstorm going on right know.” “Don’t know, use the force.” We both started to laugh. “You are unbelievable.” He said while laughing. I looked at him. My eyes almost closed as the tiredness fell on me. “I’m sorry but I’m going to sleep now, can’t open my eyes anymore.” “It’s okay love.” I nodded and hugged him tightly. “I love you Hayden.” “I love you too baby.”

[tyhxrondxle]

REREADING LADY MIDNIGHT BUT I would kill myself and everyone else in this world to keep Julian Blackthorn protected AND appreciated by those to whom he has given so much (yes Mark, I’m talking to you)

Part 3😘😊

i swear to god there are some scenes that I can’t remember ever reading. But hey, in one of those Emma realizes she wants Jules!! Go baby!!!

THE SCENE WHERE CRISTINA CUTS MARKS HAIR???/?2€2!2!2€:€ Okay, hear me out. When I read this book for the first time back in 2016 I had already spend over two years obsessing over Julian and Emma, and I must admit I did not give a shit about anyone else until I read Lord of shadows BUT NOW THAT IM OLDER AND WISER CRISTINA AND MARK IN THIS SCENE MADE ME GIGGLE LIKE A TEENAGER. "You would be lovely in the Court” Mark Blackthorn get a grip.

THE CAR/IRATZE/JULIAN DYING SCENE. i’ve spent years obsessing over this scene. it has played in replay in my mind so many times that by the time I reread it I was sure it had been a fever dream of mine. but no, here’s Julian Simp Blackthorn being the horniest for Emma while also fucking dying???:!2&2!/! He’s so in love I might actually die.

Cassie foreshadowing Livvy and Cameron’s relationship in Thule (it might not have been intentional but let’s pretend) *clears throat* and I quote: “In Emma’s defense, Cameron’s annoying, but he’s hot. I mean, if you like guys who look like a redheaded Captain America, which I…don’t? (Livvy speaking)

kieran and mark my beloveds. Cristina looking at Kieran while he was looking at Mark and thinking “Never had a faerie looked so human to Cristina as Kieran did then”. I screamed actually

okay looK!!! I have a thing about a very specific trope which fits exactly with Emma and Jules, being childhood best friends to lovers but the man is and has always been a total SIMP. well, i’m gonna quote Julian thinking about Emma’s hair and i’m gonna pretend i did not cry while reading it: “emma’s hair. maybe because she took it down so rarely, maybe because emma with her hair down was one of the first things he’d ever wanted to paint”

julian and his siblings relationship has always been something that made my heart physically ache. So Julian falling with Tavvy on the stairs and hitting himself to protect Tavvy but also immediately checking if HIS baby is okay. you can not fucking tell me he should not be loved for eternity by fucking everyone

the fact that Julian can’t be physically close to emma without mentally collapsing. i mean, the man was dancing with her and he was floating. the intimacy, the CONNECTION, THE TOUCHING *chef’s kiss*

also, last but not least. alexa play When Emma falls in love by taylor swift.

okay, i’m done, shutting up now, goodbye till tomorrow I hope (also, would love to know your opinions on the scenes I talk about and shit, I’d love to make friends that feel ass passionate about tda as I do🥺)

[leathergeek]

Family Curse

Tomorrow is my 21st birthday, little did I know I'd inherit more than another year on my age.

As I fell asleep I dreamt of the most perfect girl I had ever dreamt of in my life. She was incredible, amazing body, the girl of my dreams if you will. However things took a turn when I awoke, headed to the bathroom to piss standing up, nothing seemed to come out that was until I felt it running down my leg, that's when I looked down to see my dick was gone, I reached below to feel accidentally sliping my finger in my new slit. Which made me weak from the feeling. I rushed to the mirror shocked at what stared back at me in the mirror.

I was now the girl of my dreams. I then found a letter from my father that read.

Dear Son as you no doubt realize the men in our family are cursed. on their 21 birthday the transform into a woman which you must spend the next year as, when you turn 22 you'll gain the ability to transform into anyone for the rest of your life, however if in that year you become pregnant, you are stuck as your female form. You have till midnight to adjust your body to the perfect woman to spend the next year as.

What the fuck? I couldn't believe it, so I took a shower, enjoying my new body naked, having the most intense orgasms for well over an hour. As I stepped out of the shower I looked myself over and made some adjustments/

mm yes, my tits felt amazing. and so did my new wardrobe, boring old Sam was gone, kinky Samantha was here, and all I needed now was.

A perfect Ass, maybe being a woman for a whole year wouldn't be too bad. I thought. After all in the end I'd be able to shapeshift into anyone.

By midnight I was content with the new me and surprised that reality had adjusted to me always being a woman. 12:01Am and a knock came, it was my boyfriend.

He was there to give me my birthday present, Damn, I'd better stock up on birth control, there was no way I was going to be able to keep him out of me for a year and I didn't even want to try and refuse. Fuck this was going to be an interesting year!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas!

Chill anon u remember me??

So idk till where I updated u but imma just start till where I think I left off or maybe. I think I didn't tell u

So basically,

I wrote this letter to give to C, and the letter contained abt how she was being unsupportive of me and how she changed amd evth

I gave it to her and asked her to read it at home

She read it in skl only bc my bsf S saw her! And that pissed me off 😤

But the next day I go to skl, nervous as hell but she didn't even come and talk to Mr

The next day during recess she asked me to go with her and I was scared but I went

And then we talked and she didn't take it will

She said that I overreacted and that she was just joking and that I took it too seriously

She did not even apologise ONCE

NOT ONCE DID SHE SAY SORRY

And we were talking about how she changed when she suddenly remembered that she had plans to hang out with someone

So conversation was left unfinished

And uk wht I was so done with her and one thing I made clear with myself was that I'm not going to approach her and ask her to.talk to me

If she cares she should come and talk to me only

The next day, we didn't say anything she greeted me like normal but our interactions got limited day by day

And I didn't care simply because she was a bad person who.did not take.in. account of her bsf's feelings and if she doesn't care about what I have to say it's not worth it anymore

So we barely talked anymore And then suddenly out of nowhere she started calling me.

And I couldn't pick up bc whenever she called I wasn't there and I didn't want to talk about it over call!

And then she messaged me like pick up please and I didn't want to talk to her over text or call if she REALLY wanted to talk she should've talked to.me in person and I ignored her 🙃

Fast forward a few weeks, my classmate sort of friend but not rlly a friend, let's call her R she called me and asked me if there was smth bw me and C and I told her (look I told her bc she is a frnd of C and I knew C only sent R to talk to me for what? Idk but she did) not evth I didn't mention the letter (I'm alrdy out to R) I just said that she didn't accept me and I moved on

So I came out to R like WAY WAY WAY back in March 2024, and she outed me to a person ik let's call this person Ish

Now Ish asked me if I was pan or some "shit" bc R apparently told her that I was talking abt smth like that... and since she said that I was talking about it I brushed it off as no I am not, I was talking about some1 else.

So that problem was solved.

Honestly best that I ignored C and then started focusing on myself and my friends were a great help!

She then one day asked me why I wasn't returning her calls/texts and I said bc I didn't have my phone which is true I didn't have my phone, my mum had confiscated it but it honestly didn't matter.

And after that we barely even talk anymore And I'm happy with that bc everytime I was with her NOW I realize that even when she complimented me it felt like pain.

Fast forward to December, it was her bday on Xmas and I sent her a short and sweet msg and she replied with "Ty ." BITCH TF???

But anyways she didn't mention anything else and then on New Years she wished me at arnd midnight gahhh

Anyways..

I got rid of her and my life's pretty gr8 rn!

And I took some time off tumblr that's why I didn't update u sooner

I do have some other drama but its cute and I bet you will love it !!!

Hi!

I'm so glad that you're happy with how things turned out. It sounds like you're happier now, and that's what matters. Sure, tell me your other drama, I love cute stories!

[elisysd]

Gold Rush Masterlist

Sequel to Cruel Summer (Charles Leclerc x OC), can be read independently

Prologue

1.Guess my childhood is over

2.Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

3.We are invincible, we are unstoppable

4.Vultures spinning up above for what's left of me

5.They say it's bad karma being such a heartbreaker

6.If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

7.Maybe together we can get somewhere

8.I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

9.Personally, I think you'd be better with somebody like me

10.Way down we go

11.That's why I'm lying to my therapist

12.You could be my luck even if the sky is falling down

13.Lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide

14.I could be so sweet if only I were naive

15.Burn, crash, romance, I’ll take what I can get from you

16.And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright

17.I’ve been thinking way too loud, I wish that I could block me out

18.And if the storm is hitting I'll try to keep you steady

19.Ask me what I earned from all those tears

20.All I know is this could either break my heat or bring it back to life

21.Sleeping's so tough you're burning up my mind

22.It's a love story baby just say yes

23.Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's araid to get too close

24.But there's a shining in the shadows

25.I'll be there till it all feels so big, till it all feels so small

26.I’ve been feeling everything from hate to love, from love to lust, from lust to truth

27.Take the moment and taste it, you’ve got no reason to be afraid.

28.You've got a friend in me

29.Why don't you let me down, I'll let you do it again

30.Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you’re mine?

31.I know heaven’s a thing, I go there when you touch me

32.Maybe there's nothing after midnight that could make you stay

33.You're scared of love, well, aren't we all?

34.Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide

35.Fear or love, baby? Don't say the answer

36.And what hurts the most is people can go from people you know to people you don't

37.Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?

38.What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around?

39.And I just wanna tell you it takes everything in me not to call you

40.You know I'm afraid of change, guess that's why we stay the same

41.How long can we be a sad son 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

42.If to change is what you need you can change right next to me

43.I tell myself I'm good, but I'm falling apart

44.Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?

45.Lean on me when you're not strong and I'll be your friend

46.I'll be late, but I could make it all up to you

47.I wanna be better, I wanna be new but I can’t be those things next to you

48.Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going

49.You said that you needed space, go on then, astronaut

50.I trace the evidence, make it make some sense, why the wound is still bleedin'

51. Heaven knows I should let go, it’s nothing that I don’t already know

52. Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned

53. You’re blowing through my mind like the hurricane

54. Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

55. Take a heart and take a hand, like an ocean takes the dirty sand

56. I know you're scared and your pain is imperfect but don't you give up on yourself

57. Lately she's been dressing for revenge

58. Hold on and hope that we'll find our way back in the end

59. I don't ask for much, gimme love

60. But I promise you this I'll always look out for you

Epilogue

BONUS CHAPTERS

Our first christmas

A trip to Bali

My place is yours 

We want you to be their godparents

Double trouble

Marry me?

A bold move

My favorite enemy

It’s not you and I anymore

Not this fucking family

[swampofiniquity]

Mercy Me (Leon Kennedy x Reader)

Trying to get back into writing and posting, as well as obsessing over the Re:4 remake, so I wrote this little thing.

Rated: Teen

Word Count: 1,630

Cross-posted on AO3

Summary/Warnings: Takes place right before and after the events of Resident Evil 4. You are a bartender and Leon is your favorite customer. Leon x gn!reader, alcohol consumption, Leon is obviously lonely and needs someone to take care of him.

Masterlist

"Wait, hold on, you're telling me you just snuck out of that women's house through the window?"

Leon shrugged, knocking back the last of a Knob Creek triple that should have been a double, but he tipped so well that you didn't mind giving away a few over pours now and then for him. Well, that and he had a habit of nonchalantly dropping just the most insane, quietly compelling anecdotes that you actually looked forward to your midweek closing shifts at the bar when he was in town. 

"She had a roommate. I didn’t want it to be awkward."

"At least tell me it was on the first floor?" You had stopped pretending to even be working at this point, the wash cloth in your hand having long since gone dry and useless against the still sticky spot on the bar top. 

He hesitated a moment, a cute flush creeping on his cheeks as he scratched the back of his head. "Uh, third floor. It was fine though, the apartment had a fire escape." 

You let out the laugh you’d been holding in since you’d finally nagged loose the story behind his latest romantic excursion with the last person you’d observed him leaving the bar with. You couldn’t help but flash him a smile as you heard his answering self deprecating chuckle. “You certainly are an interesting man. Need a refill?” you asked, half turned to go fetch the bottle again from the counter behind you. 

“Nah, I should probably call it. I’m actually traveling out of town for work tomorrow morning and I’ll hate myself later if I don’t hit the hay soon.” 

“Fair enough, I’ll cash you out.” As you moved to close his tab at the register, you were practically vibrating with the need to ask. Nearly an entire year had passed since Leon had first visited your bar and while you wouldn’t hesitate to call him a friend, he played everything so close to the vest that you had no idea what the hell he did for a living, other than it seemed to pay decently and he’d disappear for weeks at a time, often coming back with a hitch in his step or a new kaleidoscope of bruises. It worried you, not that he didn’t seem capable of protecting himself, you’d caught peaks at the piece he kept in a holster under the jacket he always wore. 

But it made your friendship seem oddly lopsided with how often he’d lend an understanding ear to your troubles taking over the family bar after your dad died or your less than successful efforts with the local dating pool. You were an open book, a heart on your sleeve kind of soul.

You could only guess where the man across from you would keep his own heart. In that holster perhaps, nestled behind his gun. Or maybe off his person completely, tucked away in a footlocker somewhere. Hidden in the dark and solitude, not out of nature or preference, but out of survival. His life had to have been lonely, you’d never seen him leave with the same person twice and there was never any mention of even a coworker, let alone a friend or any family. In your experience, most people drinking alone after midnight on a Wednesday didn’t have anyone waiting up at home. 

If they had a home to go back to at all. 

“Don’t bother, this should cover it.” While you were embarrassingly lost in thought, Leon had fished a couple of bills out of his wallet and slid them across the bar. You grabbed them as he turned, stretching his back out before turning for the door. “Have a nice night.”

“You too, have a safe trip!” But you couldn’t keep back a shout when you opened the till to complete the transaction, finally counting the money. He’d given you $200 for two middle shelf drinks. 

“Wait, Leon! You gave me too much.” You waived the money back to him, attempting to beckon him back over with a smile. “Should I be worried about how much you’ve had to drink, giving me a 500% tip?”

“I’m not drunk, and it wasn’t a mistake.” He paused, flipping his collar up in preparation for stepping outside into the cold. “Save that stool for me until I get back.”

With that, and a quick head pat for your dad’s old bar dog Max, Leon stepped out into the night, leaving you with a giddy pit in your stomach. 

Someone was pounding on the door downstairs. 

You had dismissed it at first, chalking it up to just another sound from the storm raging outside and trying to fall back asleep, but then Max started growling from his orthopedic dog bed by the radiator, heaving his old bones up to howl at the window. Heart pounding, you gingerly pulled back a sliver of the curtain, catching sight of a familiar motorcycle parked crookedly on the sidewalk outside. 

You didn’t think twice, throwing on a robe over your pajamas and flying down the stairs to the private side door of your apartment over the bar, flipping the multiple deadlocks and stepping out into the freezing rain to find Leon soaked to the bone, leaning up against the front door to the bar like it was the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Leon,” you called out over the sudden lump in your throat. He’d been gone for almost a month and you’d been lowkey terrified that he wasn’t coming back this time. No matter how confused you were at his reappearance, you felt tears sting your eyes with relief. 

You watched as he started, wheeling around and squinting through the rain and darkness. He mouthed your name before moving towards you, limping so alarmingly that you lunged forward to grab him before he could fall. He was heavier than he looked, body shaking with the cold or something else you couldn't tell. “Just my luck, you wouldn’t be open tonight, huh.” 

“You know we always close early on Sundays. C’mon, you’ll catch your death out here.” You were both soaking wet and dripping onto the threadbare welcome mat when you finally managed to coax him inside your apartment, just as another huge clap of thunder vibrated the windows of the old building. “You rode here in all that?”

“M sorry, didn’t know where else to go. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as the storm blows over, I promise.”

“No, it’s fine, really. I’ll put on some tea.” You froze as your sock gave a nasty, wet squelch as you made a step towards the stairs. “Shit.”

The storm raged for hours, but neither of you seemed to notice once you finally convinced Leon to stop apologizing for ruining your night. You’d found some of your dad’s old clothes in your closet for him while his own were tumbling away in your ancient dryer. After you both were warm and dry, you made some black tea for the two of you, splashing in a bit of whiskey and some fresh lemon to fight off the chill from the rain. 

He didn’t explain where he had been and you didn’t ask, content to sit with him quietly as he sipped his tea and absentmindedly pet Max, the dog leaning happily against his legs. 

“So this is where you grew up, huh?” You startled a bit at the sound of his voice cutting through the comfortable silence, looking up from your mug of tea to find Leon staring up at the old photos on the fireplace mantel across the room, the smallest smile twisting up the corner of his lips. 

You tried not to focus on the new scar that marred his smooth cheek, positive he hadn’t had it last you saw him, and tucked your feet up under you on the couch. “Yep, my dad too. My grandfather bought the bar off a guy when he got home from World War II. Almost ran it right into the ground too, until he hired my grandmother to do the bookkeeping. They got married after less than a year and my family has lived here since. The portrait in the middle is from their wedding.” 

To your surprise, Leon stood up, poorly hiding a pained grimace as he limped to the mantle, picking up the picture in question. “You look just like her.” The charming smile he sent you over his shoulder gave you butterflies. Until he replaced the frame and instead of returning to the couch, started perusing your other family pictures, much to your horror. 

“I guess so, but hey-” You jumped up, latching onto his arm and applying gentle pressure until he turned his attention back to you. “Don’t look so hard at all those, I’m not sure I’m ready for you to see my awkward highschool phase.”

“Aw come one, I’m sure you were cute.” He winked and his eyes looked so much bluer up close in the low light of your living room. 

“Yeah, well maybe I’ll let you see them if you tell me what’s going on with you,” your words gradually dropped in volume until you ended on a whisper. You could feel Leon stiffen. “You can’t just show up like you did at someone’s doorstep and not offer any explanation.”

“It’s not a very nice story,” he replied softly, reaching out to touch the necklace at your throat. You held your breath as he turned it over, righting the chain you hadn’t noticed was twisted. 

“I’m a bartender, more than half the stories I hear aren’t very nice. Try me.”

Leon heaved a sigh, scrubbing a palm over his face before nodding. “One condition: got any more of that whiskey up here?”

[baings-nails]

Word Search Tag Game

Rules: In a new post use the words below (or choose your own) to find where they appear in your WIP/s and share those parts.

 I don't normally do these kinds tag things but @pitchblackespresso tagged me and they always give me such wonderful tags and commentary on Bonds so I said why the heck not?

I'm not much of a writer in a sense that my grammar is pretty bad but I will call myself as a story teller, maybe this will be some draft dialogue. If there are any grammar mistakes I Apologize.

My words were: waterfall, sliver, connection

TW mention of suicide on first drabble

Waterfall:

"Now do you understand her plight? A woman so desperate to find her child she let an absolute monster touch her twice. Only to be lied to, told that her precious son was dead long ago. Mother spiraled, she couldn't bare the weight of the loss. The Mother I knew was a shell of the woman she was, terrified of the light and desperate for the night to cloak her and I. I didn't know the sun till I was 8 years old. Her guilt, her agony, everything bombarded her like a waterfall, she drowned in her despair long before she threw herself in the water, and that hideous monster... was what she became. Lulling lost children to her with her lullaby, trying to call out to her missing child. If it weren't for Uncle I too may of become a creature like her.

You had no idea how disgusting they actually were, did you? Those guards? Those knights? Our Father?

You have no idea the first time I met our Father he had taken me from Mother, I was his next promotion to Commander First Class. And the first time I met Brother, he tried to kill that monster with his bare hands"

Silver:

 "One stood before him, a God feared by other Gods. He was finality, he was the end, the only absolute to anything and everything. He wore a strange armor adorned by a silver mane that trailed behind him. He carried no weapon, no sword, no sythe. Alas so much as a stroke of his finger would bring an army to it's knees. The Master of Souls, the gardener of Eden, he who exists only to ensure midnight strikes. One stood before the God of Death.

"Who dare call upon my name?" He ask, one does not falter in their stance.

"One as I have called upon thee, Lord Death. One bares news for thee and if thou shall hear it, one offers an accord.""

Connection:

"Have you truly underestimated your own mortal strengths? Foolish girl. Have you forsaken your endless empathy, that which grows deeper with every interaction you have? Have you forgotten about that stubborn tenacity of yours, that which has dragged you this far? Have you truly lost that craving for knowledge and the eagerness to share it with those around you?  Little fool, you think because that ancient power is gone you can no longer do anything correctly. Yet, you have a power you're too foolish to realize. Must One spell it out for you? You have a power to touch the hearts of everyone you meet, you have a power to make a deeper connection that would take most years to forge.  This little journey of yours has forged unshatterable chains to those who would not be here today if you hadn't reached out to them. That power is one you wear on your sleeves unknowingly, one that if you believed in it, it would shine brighter than you could imagine. You have a power no God posseses. Perhaps you should use that scholar's brain of yours analyze it, instead of lamenting the loss of a overall finicky nuisance.

You are a little fool, through and through. But what you must realize is that all things are generally foolish, so be a fool, follow that brilliantly foolish heart of yours, even if you are in over your head, even if you're terrified of the outcome. Follow your heart, for there are others that have followed it this far, and they will do so willingly till the end of their days.

Now go, little fool."

I'm not great at this kind of thing but thanks for reading regardless. Thank you for tagging me pitch! 

I'll tag @lynxieles cause I'm not sure who else to tag, if you want to say I tagged you go ahead.

I'm not sure how the word pick goes but I pick

shadow, lyric and orange.

[sleepparalysisdemon112]

i literally adore your writing !! i reread atleast 3 of your stories everyday

can you do a fred weasley x a loud, troublesome reader ? maybe a girl that’s exactly like him?

Fred Weasley seemed to always be my competition, not in academics, but in being the most disruptive in class. It was like a game almost, and although everyone thought we despised each other little did they know we had our own ordeals. You see the deal was whoever could make the most people laugh, or whoever could get kicked out first would be the one to receive the most pleasure, and right now I was losing profusely.

So far in this hour class period, he had made four people laugh while I only had one. In my defense, it was one of my not-so-creative days after being kept up till midnight by having my entire body kissed. The most annoying thing is every time he would make another person laugh he would lock his eyes on mine and smile.

"Alright class please close your notebooks and head to your study periods," I was in for it. I already knew what he would want.

I close my notebook and collect my things before entering the corridor on the way to the girl's abandoned bathroom. I could feel him behind me not close but enough that his gaze is so noticeable.

By the time I get there, I'm waiting in the second stall that we always go to.

I heat the door open and prepare myself for whatever he's about to ask me to do.

He enters the stall and I step back giving him room to fit inside he places his hand on my face and pulls me in for a kiss without saying anything. "You haven't lost in a while, love," he kisses across my cheek and down to my jaw, "What do you want me to do Freddie?" I ask through breaths, "I want you to suck my dick," he says on my neck and I'm already imagining the feeling, I haven't done this since the first time we made this agreement.

"sit down then," I say as he releases from the kiss and smiles down at me.

He listens and begins dropping his pants and sitting down on the seat of the toilet. Once he's sat and his pants and underwear are down I place myself in front of his semi-hard dick my knees hurting against the floor, but I don't care I only have one thing on my mind as of now.

I grab it and begin stroking it as precum falls down and his dick becomes harder. "Fuck y/n, I worked extra hard to feel that fucking mouth," with that comment I place his tip in my mouth and circle my tongue around his tip before slowly going down on his length stroking the parts I can't fit in my mouth. "Merlin, y/n-" I go a bit faster and go up to circle my tongue on his tip a bit more before going back down and taking as much as I can.

"Fuck I won't last long-" so I go a bit faster ready to taste him.

"Fuck, fuck-" and with a couple more strokes he comes and I swallow all of it down.

"I've got to win more."

[noisilyeclecticmilkshake]

Nothing but Sleep. (1)

pt. 2

“Come on Whumpee, you know we have a big day today. We’ve been planning this all week.”

Caretaker was attempting to gently pull the covers off of Whumpee, but they just groaned and death rolled into another layer of sheets. They were always like this, early to bed, late to rise. Their dreamwalk ability meant their mind was drawn to sleep, and, after one night out with Sidekick, they had found it was also extra-sensitive to not getting enough sleep, something they cursed Sidekick for when they had to go to work the next day. It also meant getting them up for breakfast required 12 workers and a bulldozer. Or, if you happened to have one on hand, Sidekick did pretty well too, so Caretaker went to get her.

“Okay, Whumpee, you have ‘till I count to three, then I’m rolling you out like a sleeping bag!” Sidekick was the very opposite of Whumpee in regards to sleep, she would party ‘till midnight and still be up to make breakfast for everyone the next morning. She also seemed to have no sympathy for Whumpee’s sleeping plight.

“One” Sidekick grabbed the edge of the blanket Whumpee was sleeping in.

“Two.” Her superstrength meant this would not be an issue. Whumpee had to know this, but maybe they thought Sidekick was bluffing.

“Three!” Sidekick was not bluffing.

Whumpee fell out of their cozy blanket burrito with a flop, but awake. “Ohh. Whyyyy? Why can you never wake me up normal?”

“Because you sleep like a dead brick, my very beloved friend.” Sidekick was beaming a smile and Caretaker just laughed, his ability to see auras meant the room was split in half with a purple discontentment and a light orange excitement. 

“I love you guys. Never change.” And Caretaker watched their auras even out a bit, each color adopting a pinkish tint, embarrassed. “Come on. It’s breakfast time, get dressed Whumpee, and don’t even think about getting back in bed. 

“UGH! Fine.” And Whumpee got up. It was a big day after all, they were going with Hero to scope out Villain’s base. 

-

“We’re going over the plan one more time.” Hero had everything planned, even managed to get a blueprint, it was spread out on the table in front of them, covered with marks and notations, a testament to the overtime hours they had put in preparing through the week.

“Whumpee?” 

Whumpee was holding the largest size energy drink they could steal out of Sidekick’s room. It was something they rarely drank on account of thoroughly enjoying sleep, but everyone had put in extra hours and it was getting to Whumpee a bit.

“I stay outside, radio for any trouble I see entering or exiting the base.” It was perfect for them, they could fight, defend themself if need be, but they didn’t have a combat-useful power like Sidekick or Hero.

“Sidekick?” 

“Break down that door! Subdue anyone in our way!” It was said with the cheerful imposition of pacifist.

“Gently.” It was more a warning than a statement, judging by Hero’s tone.

“Yes, Yes. Of course. Gently superstrength subdue anyone in our way.”

“Good, and you’re not breaking down any doors. We don’t want to give Villain a reason to go after anyone, so far we’ve stayed off his radar. Hopefully it can stay that way. I am going to portal myself, Sidekick, and Caretaker inside the building. Remember, this is a recon mission, if we see anyone, we take note, and make plans to go back, we do not engage. There aren’t enough of us to do anything other than what we plan. Understood?”

“Yes.” The team said it in unison. They had heard too many stories of too many groups destroyed trying to save people they were unprepared for, how the captive got team members caught, and, against some particularly bad villains, killed. They even heard mention of minions pretending to be hostages and prisoners, not that anyone would ever not fall for it, you just can’t assume that kind of thing. Not without a ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.

“Caretaker?” Hero’s voice was the same, even, demanding tone it always was in mission mode, but now with a tinge of grimness.

“I am going to be on the lookout for auras. Stop us from running into the Villain’s people.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I have reached the point of "regular sleep" where the insomnia hours have completely devoured my original sleeping time. I lay there relaxing for hours on end until it's nearly 5am and I have to get up, then I need to be awake from 5 until at least 10 so I can run errands safely, and then I can only sleep from about 10am until 2 pm...

That's 4 hours out of 24, with chronic fatigue

And yet sleeping that little doesn't help me fall asleep any faster the next night.

And that's the ongoing problem.

I am exhausted so I sleep

My brain forms and breaks patterns at a single repetition so I sleep at the same time the next day

This keeps up for a week of okay sleep

I start experiencing really wild dreams or worse depending on how long I push myself to stay on this existing schedule and not just nap when I am tired or get the sudden overwhelming sleepies

This escalated until insomnia and alertness completely overtakes the times of day my brain had JUST decided it wanted to be sleeping

This happens twice as fast when I am trying to sleep at night rather than during the day

No matter how many migraines I force myself awake through to sleep at bedtime, once it gets to bedtime I am so awake and alert I cannot physically sleep even if I take melatonin or sleeping pills, or both and lay there thinking calm thoughts, even for 10 hours

I get so exhausted I just let my body sleep whenever it wants and the cycle starts again

The only alternative I have ever had is just sleep when I get sleepy, which can be for up to 16 hours a day.

The problem is that tends to be during the day. It has been that way since I was a literal baby. My mothers tells me stories about me being so sleepy all day I'd fall asleep in my food and being awake all night cooing quietly to myself on the baby monitor. She tells me stories about me being a toddler and getting up in the middle of the night to play.

So now, my options are:

Try to force myself to stay awake all day and hope that means I can sleep tonight at 6 pm, which looks doubtful and will give me a migraine while I have no advil left in the house, and which will perpetuate the increasing night terrors, sleep paralysis and waking-up/falling asleep hallucinations problem... OR

Let myself sleep during the 4 hours my brain will let me and then continue this cycle of only sleeping 4 hours a day and being too exhausted to do anything.

Caffeine hasn't been helping, not even having both tea and coke right before my 10 am nap time. All it does is focus me, which -if I am already tired- just helps me fall asleep. Caffeine before my bedtime doesn't help because the problem is already that I feel too alert...

Complicating this is the fact that Pumpkin is DEAD SET on screaming every 3 hours for food and will not fucking quit it even when we are on a regular schedule. So on the off chance I don't wake up on my own after useless intervals, he does it.

I just want to sleep at night during regular times and wake up feeling rested. That is all I want. That is all I have ever wanted, but people keep acting like my irregular sleeping patterns are a choice or a product of me not trying hard enough.

My last option is go to bed now and ride the sleepiness all day and night if I can and maybe finally wake up at 3am tomorrow, but the problem is that requires skipping meals. Also Pumpkin will scream the entire time because he won't just eat the food that's already in his dish.

Failing all that, I let my schedule flip and be nocturnal.

The problem with that is then I can't clean or organize anything because that would be making noise at night. My neighbours are okay blasting dance music till midnight, but if I make noise cleaning they will try to report me.

Maybe if I keep myself warm, keep sipping hot drinks and eating a lot, and keep myself moving periodically and watching something, I can stay awake without a splitting headache and continue the regular sleep experiment.

[snowdropheart]

For Rosalind, at the End of Time

Rosalind, you’re a friend to me, and I remember everything: walking in circles toward the clouds like mountains unendingly—and again— and I don’t know how to go. I don’t know how to go—

Will you remember those warm-jam nights?  I stole lilacs from the church parking lot, euphoric and reeling in the June dusk. And I kept them in a jar till they died, and I grieved—Rosalind, I don’t know how to bury all these houses lit up in gold like hundreds of kind eyes in the early midnight, a ritualistic expulsion of the weight in my chest. Will you still be here when I go?

Oh, I was just a girl passing twenty— no one but me and Mary and the apartments glittering like stars, harmless and gentle,  from the crest of the hill. And I prayed for comfort, and I prayed for mercy for all my stupid mistakes, and I blew at the dandelion seeds, wishing everything would be okay. The truth of it is clumsier than I ever thought it’d be: hurl the ice, kiss the air, balance on the horizon. But I’m looking over my shoulder— how does anyone pack up a life?

Last summer, someone cut down the old maple that used to shade the street. Rosalind, you are not a mausoleum; you are a warmblooded thing that was never for me to suspend and hoard. I’m sorry. They say memories breathe only in the present, moments falling like confetti, and I can’t grab hold of anything— sew them together, give life to a monster: there is no such thing as forever.

But, oh, Rosalind, if there were; my kingdom for a little longer—

/

The daffodils in the church garden are always the first to bloom, and I am always pleading uselessly in turn: not yet, darling, not yet— but those stubborn, nascent shoots  push through the soil anyway. And, in the fine March rain, I burst from my skin, singing: Merry springtime! Merry light! unendingly—and again— scent of exhaust and marijuana and joy, Rosalind. I don’t know how to go.

How do I leave the man on Queen Street? The teenagers shooting hoops? A souvenir or two on McLeod, a revelatory mouth, a white Christmas, a holy angel, a blade of grass surviving the cold— How does anyone embrace the dust? Rosalind, you’re a friend to me, and I don’t know how to go.

When I lean over the railing, I see ghosts flickering in the little waves. I think I always will. I used to beg anyone who’d listen to take me home; now I’m not sure where that is. Maybe one day, I’ll swim upriver, some ancient instinct guiding my bones.

Or maybe I’ll forget everything, Rosalind: memory is fleshbound, and flesh bows to time, and time moves— All those shoreless November nights I clutched at you, knuckles white as satin moths, and you held me, Rosalind.  You hold me till I am warm  whenever I ask for it, over and over and over again— how can I go?

Even if I fill my pockets with asphalt and twigs, dried flowers and light: how can I go?

/

Maybe one day, I’ll swim upriver and find myself back here, and I’ll point and say I wrote a poem about that bus stop there. I used to wait in the winter abyss with Maeve, talking about nothing, falling in love with this city, this living— I’ll say this is where I took my first steps; this is where I became.

There are so many saplings planted by the water held up with stakes till they’re ready, Rosalind, and they’re growing tall. Oh, how they’re growing—

[scribe-of-stories]

Once upon a time I had a nightlight in the neighbor's lawn

I live on the second floor of an otherwise average suburban home, a rented room from a childhood friend. It's quite spacious, more like a loft than a room; and curiously it has the only round window in the house. A port-hole looking thing with six frames crossing it, colliding in the center and forming a wooden circle in the middle of the glass. It also happens to be the only window in my room facing the street.

You'd be hard-pressed to really see anything out of the window. Between the frames and the height of the wall it sits at, it really only shows the tree line and sky. That said, you can stand right in front of it and get a rather pleasant view of everything bellow. I've rather taken to giving the view a few moments of my time here and there. Usually when it rains, or when the sun is setting, or late at night.

And from my window, perfectly in frame, is a lamppost across the street. Tall, black metal, dome of glass with no framing; bright white light that really doesn't travel so far. Feels more like a light house warning everyone "hey there's grass here" rather than doing anything to properly light up the yard. It's pleasant though. Only one of its kind I've seen in the neighborhood, and the only source of light outside of a house at night.

A couple months ago I was up late at night, as per usual, and decided to brave the downstairs for a cold glass of water. Now to access my kitchen I have to cut through the dinning room; and the dinning room has large windows looking out the front of the house. I didn't notice it till I was on my way back up. It was dark outside. Strange, the lamp must be dead or something; that's a shame.

I went back upstairs, spent time on my computer, paid it no mind. But then I heard rain on my roof. "Oh, lovely, night rain is beautiful." So I go to the window to look out and enjoy the scene. And I see it: the short white light and the tall black lampost. Huh, must be on a strange timer. But obviously this all doesn't really stand up to reasoning. It's like 2 am right now, and I got my water well after midnight. I've seen the lamp on much earlier in the day.

So I go downstairs again. The front door is glass, and it's pitch black outside. Maybe a bad angle; but no! I come into the dinning room and there it is: complete darkness outside and the pitter patter of rain. I remember a sort of panic setting in. Something was wrong and I had no clue how to fix it. If there even was something to be fixed. I checked multiple times throughout the night and got the same result. Through my window I could see the lamp, but from nowhere else.

I didn't sleep that night till the sun came back. But it was still there when I woke up, and gone again when I was downstairs. There was a day or two that I thought that this was it. This was going to become my quarter inch. I was going to obsess over this till it lead me down dark paths and into the bowls of hell.

But the attic door never lead somewhere new, the only night time noises in the house were the cats, and the only scary things in the walls were the electrical wiring. I've come to the conclusion that humans, or at minimum myself, are rather capable of coping and turning anything mundane. Not to say the lamp went to the background, more so that I grew used to it. I imagined where it was when I passed it on the road, often saying hello or goodbye. I came to treasure the view from my room, something literally no one else had.

I've spent more time looking out my window the past few months, basking in the light of my own little anomaly. Which is why I was watching when someone else finally noticed the lamp. He, or maybe they or it would be more precise, walked right up to it one evening. It came out of the darkness and into the lamps' light as if apparating into existence. Long coat, rimmed hat, vaguely human looking but a human wouldn't be tall enough to reach the lightbulb without a ladder. Much less reach through glass to touch it.

It's touch took the lamp's light, and the lamp hasn't been back since. Now, I don't think it saw me watching, but I don't know. The darkness outside seems worse. Morning brings with it the sun's light which takes away my fear. I find myself incapable of sleeping till then. Once upon a time I had a nightlight in the neighbor's lawn, but now I can't shake the feeling that whatever took it is still out there.