#my brain also blue screens at almost any thought regarding his love life

[hoppityhopster23]

Happy birthday to Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington! (May 1st, 1769)

[nethandrake]

Blood In The Water

stevethortony. mcu. rated t. 1.8k words.

based on this fanart i commissioned from​ @justlous-art

also on ao3.

*****

Press conferences, in Clint’s opinion, are one of the worst things he has to experience.

Every time the Avengers has to host one (which is usually almost every fucking week), it’s always the same old reporters throwing accusations, the same old debates being tosses around, the same old headaches and boredom creeping into his mind. They always end with everyone in a shitty mood.

The only upside Clint could see is that he only needs to speak up if a question’s directed his way. Otherwise, it’d be their co-leaders’ job to fend the wolves off.

Their co-leaders who are currently and unfortunately answering another stupid question from the press.

“Yes, Stark Industries will be footing the bill,” Steve says tiredly.

“We always do,” Tony chimes in. “Now, you with the green-striped tie. You’re up.”

The journalist in question straightens, fixing his tie. Clint doesn’t remember seeing him at any of the conferences but he looks awfully familiar.

“He’s from Fox News,” Natasha supplies next to Clint.

It takes everything in Clint to not bash his smash his face against the conference table. “Shit.”

“Shit indeed.”

“It is no secret that Mr Stark is, to put it lightly,” Fox Man begins, his reedy voice making Clint’s skin crawl, “promiscuous—”

“What does this have to do with the giant squid we took down?” Steve interrupts.

“—and have been known to get into relationships with men, women—”

“What is the point of this?” Thor cuts in, his cool demeanor now turned irritated. “We are deviating from the—”

“My question to you, Captain,” Fox Man continues, unperturbed, “is, what are your thoughts regarding Mr Stark and Mr Odinson��s…relationship?”

Tony stills as murmurs begin to fill the room. Pepper immediately whips her tablet out.

It’s not the first time Clint’s heard of rumors of the Avengers dating amongst themselves but it’s never been brought up during their press conferences.

First time for everything, he supposes.

Thor jumps to his feet, slamming his hands on the table. Outside, thunder crackles.

“You dare—”

Steve isn’t doing much better to rein his temper in, leaning forward with a dangerous glint behind his eyes. “I’d be careful with what you say next. Rumors of the Avengers fraternizing isn’t new so—”

“Oh, this isn’t just a rumor,” Fox Man says coolly. He jumps to his feet, holding out his phone. “I happen to have…proof.”

In a flash, Happy strides over, most likely to block the man’s path like the good Head of Security he is. Steve waves him off, beckoning for the device to be handed over to Clint.

On the phone is a picture of Thor and Tony kissing in a dimly lit alleyway. Or at least, men who are supposedly Thor and Tony. It’s hard to tell since the quality’s crap.

Then again, they’re both bathed in a soft blue glow. A soft blue glow that Clint’s come to associate with the arc reactor.

“That isn’t photoshopped,” Fox Man claims. “If you swipe left, you’ll find a video.”

True enough, there is one of Thor pushing Tony against the wall and god, that’s so gross. Who knows what’s on that wall—

Natasha snatches the phone out of Clint’s grasp, giving it a long once-over.

“Thoughts?” Clint murmurs.

“It looks authentic,” she admits.

Well, then. Fuck.

When the phone ends up in Steve’s grasp, Clint swears cracks form on the screen.

“I would like to know if there have been…issues between you and Mr Stark,” Fox Man continues like the oblivious idiot he is. Clint’s ready to reach pluck an arrow from his quiver and pin the asshole to a wall. “You come from a different time, a time where traditional and wholesome American values are valued. Mr Stark isn’t known for possessing such values. And it is widely known that you and Mr Stark did not get along. And with this…alien—”

“I get it,” Steve growls. It’s been a while since Clint’s seen in this furious. He looks ready to pounce, if Tony hasn’t stilled him in place.

Steve’s features meld into something soft, a look that Clint’s privately coined as the ‘Tony Look’. Oddly, it’s the same look he flashes Thor. The three of them trade glances, glances that only a super soldier, a god, and a genius would know. Tony’s lips curl into a reassured smirk. The other follow suit.

Clint wonders if that’s how Natasha and him are like. Because damn, he gets why people think it’s eerie.

“First of all, let me be clear about this,” Steve begins, “I will not let you or anyone disrespect my friends like that ever again. This is a warning to the rest of you all as well. You, however, I’ll make sure you’ll be banned from the next conference. And don’t think I won’t remember your face. Because I will. I have a good memory. As for your question, I don’t have anything to say about that. But I do have something to show you.”

Without hesitation, Steve leans over to capture Tony’s lips in his.

Clint would’ve toppled over if Natasha hadn’t steadied his chair.

“That’s…”

“Bold?”

“I was gonna say unexpected,” Clint says. “But yeah, sure. Let’s go with that.”

It’s an open secret among the Avengers that Steve and Thor have been hopelessly pining for Tony for months, even going so far as trying to outdo each other with their efforts of wooing Tony.

Judging by the way Tony’s cupping Steve’s face as they make out and the shit-eating grin Thor has plastered on as he saunters over to the two, it seems like they’ve come to a mutual agreement. A silent mutual agreement.

How the fuck did this escape the rest of their notice? Of Clint’s notice? Steve and Thor are two of the least subtle people around. The fact that they and Tony could keep their relationship on the downlow is blowing Clint’s mind.

Steve and Tony part with a quiet smack. Tony turns in his seat to fist Thor’s shirt to give his own kiss.

“I think my brain’s short-circuiting.”

Natasha scoffs. “You’re acting as if you’ve never seen two men kiss in your life.”

“Well, I’ve never seen my friends kiss each other,” Clint hisses. “You gotta cut me some slack here. I mean, look at Bruce.”

“Bruce looks fine.”

“His eyebrows look like they’re gonna climb off his forehead.”

Steve’s cheeks are flaming red when he shyly turns back to the stunned crowd in front of him. His expression quickly turns icy when he meets Fox Man’s eyes, who looks torn between hiding in a hole or lighting the rest of them on fire.

“Does that answer your question?” he challenges. “Or do you need me to give you another demonstration?”

Thor doesn’t let Fox Man reply, smirking as he inches over to Steve. “I dare say we have not finished his question, my love.”

And with that, he seals Steve’s lips with his.

Clint almost passes out.

“Okay,” Natasha says. “Now, that? That I didn’t see coming.”

Tony’s all smiles as he watches his boyfriends (boyfriends!!!!!) make out in front of everyone. It’s the smuggest and proudest he’s ever seen him.

“Suck it,” he says into the microphone, casually flipping off Fox Man, who looks like he’s ready to explode.

For some unexplainable reason, the rest of the journalists zero in on Clint after that.

“Don’t look at me,” he says, hands held high. “I ain’t kissing them.”

Natasha smirks. Bruce covers his grin behind his sleeve.

Out of the corner of Clint’s eyes, Pepper rubs her temples and pops a pill.

*****

The next day, Clint and the rest of the Avengers pile into one of the stuffy conference rooms on the helicarrier because according to Tony, ‘Eye Patch is in the mood to ream their asses’. Which is so, so unfair since Clint wasn’t the one who made out with his boyfriends in front of the press. Why the hell did he need to face Fury’s wrath when he wasn’t the one to out himself to the press?

Much to no one’s surprise, said boyfriends don’t show up.

Fury’s scowl is much more steely than usual when he storms in, slamming a newspaper onto the table.

Emblazoned on the front page is a picture of Tony flipping the camera as Steve and Thor make out in the background. Avengers: Gay Orgy?!, its heading screams.

“Is there something you people wanna tell me?” Fury begins icily.

“There is no orgy going on between the six of us,” Natasha immediately answers.

“Or five,” Bruce adds.

Clint nods his head, gesturing towards the newspaper. “Yup, yup. The only Avengers having an orgy are them.”

Fury raises an eyebrow. “And what the hell do you call this, then?”

“A threesome,” Natasha replies.

Clint frowns at her. “But that’s not even a threesome. They weren’t even having sex.”

“Threesome could mean three people as a group,” Bruce offers.

“Ah.”

“Speaking of threesomes, where the hell are Stark and—”

A resounding crash cuts Fury off, jolting everyone in their seats.

Everyone hustles out and makes a beeline for the conference room next door. Clint gets into position, readying himself to let his arrow fly.

He expects AIM beekeepers, HYDRA goons, or even Doombots. Instead, they’re greeted by the sight of the conference table cracked, the room in disarray, and the other half of the Avengers in a tangle of limbs.

Tony has sandwiched himself between his boyfriends as he sucks the soul out of Steve. Next to them, Thor glances up at Clint and the rest, beaming and flashing them a thumbs-up before Tony drags him into a kiss.

Clint’s going to need bleach for his eyes when he gets home.

“Are you sure the squid didn’t spray them with sex pollen or something?” he begins tentatively.

“Nope,” Bruce replies. “We got checked over, remember?”

“Twice,” Natasha adds.

Steve has the decency to look ashamed when he catches sight of them. He pries his boyfriends apart before jumping to his feet in haste. “Director! I– We were just—”

“Late,” Tony continues for him. “Sorry about that but—”

“We were distracted,” Thor declares.

“I’ll pay for everything,” Tony adds.

Fury looks absolutely murderous.

Clint clasps his hands. “Well! I think it’s safe to say that we all need a break. Or bleach. How about we adjourn this meeting for a while and—”

“Three of you are dismissed. But you three,” Fury jabs his fingers at Steve, Thor, and Tony in turn, “stay. We need to talk.”

Steve’s cheeks darken. Thor puffs his chest. Tony grins lazily. Their hair is disarray, their clothes wrinkled, their lips red and puffy and— Clint is not going to think about that. Nope. Not at all. Not if he wants to sleep at night.

Natasha immediately makes a beeline for the door. Bruce wipes his glasses with his shirt, following after her.

Out of the corner of Clint’s eyes, Fury rubs his temples and pops a pill.

*****

True to his word, Tony ends up paying for all the damages incurred on the helicarrier. All twenty thousand dollars’ worth of damages.

Clint couldn’t look at Conference Room Three the same way ever again.

*****

also on ao3.

[erosjeon]

Part 1|?

⇢ In an age where information can save you or kill you; the concept of wrong place at the wrong time is a funny one. What do you do when you’re accused of stealing the hard-drive that holds restricted information belonging to the government? Particularly when they send a lethal robot to take you down? 

Pairing⍮ Jeon Jungkook x reader, Kim Namjoon x reader Genre⍮ robot!au, angst, slow-burn and eventual smut (no specific warnings in this chapter)  Word-count⍮ 4.6k

A/N: This fic couldn’t have dropped at any other time just as fitting to celebrate the belated birthdays of my loves Jungkook and Namjoon who also happen to be the main two characters. It’s also my birthday hehe! I had not actually planned to drop this now as a celebration at all since I had written it almost a year ago and had edited and gone back a thousand time. I think its safe for me to say that I had not worked any harder on any other fic on this blog so I hope it receives some love 💜

He took slow careful steps down the familiar stairs confined by white sterile walls leading down to his private laboratory. Tonight marks his fifth year anniversary in that building that filled with tranquillity that was anything but pleasant.

A sigh escaped his lips as he lifted the laminated silver card that hung around his neck to grant him entrance to the lab before he moved his hand to the switch by the door to turn on the lights. His fingers tugged at the plastic material and lifted it off his chest and into some place on the counter.

Kim Namjoon  –  robotics and autonomous systems specialist. 25.

At first glance, the place appears abandoned. There were barely any white coats other than his floating in choreographed concentration along the benches, as was usually the case. The smell of the setting agar and the faint humming sound of running machinery – as well as the lack of dust quickly dismissed any ideas. The modernity of the laboratory is showcased by the giant steel frames surrounding soundproof glass that welcome a view of the city where the light further brightens the dull lab, contrasting the black metallic roof above and floor below. 

Everything was the way he left it the night before, it has been a routine for him now after having completed the project of a life time and for someone so young – it was achieved way too early. He had fallen into a slump, he knew he would never be able to re-create what he had any better. He will never feel the same way he did the first time – the time when he laid his eyes on the smooth sun-kissed coloured skin that capsuled anything but natural. The devices he had the honour of being able to craft and create were the easy part of his job, a task that he was able to do by the end of the third semester years ago while he was still learning at college. It was the half nature of his creation that posed potential for the project to fail as nature screamed at the fusion of what should not.

He ran a hand through his hair as he paced to the pile of paper on the end of his desk where his leather chair waited awkwardly, looking through the notes that he compiled through the years that now serve as a reminding memory as if their content were not engraved in every one of his brain cells. He let out a bitter laugh as he looked at the not so innocent words in the initial research and proposal that gave life to what he had made today.

14th of October, 2015.

Robots. 

A concept that has been anciently configured. The fascination with ‘artificial beings’ has been around for thousands of years, evolving recently with the onset of the Industrial Revolution in order to create complex machines powered by electricity with the sole purpose of conducting their allocated tasks -  reducing the need for human assistance.  

Human reliance on artificial intelligence has increased drastically over the years –  first beginning in factories using simple fixed machines programmed to do a single action, over and over again repeatedly. The use of machine for different number of tasks followed right after, extending to the creation of human-sized robots with the capacity for near-human thoughts and movement and so has their purpose.

How to make robots softer or more compliant… less like rigid machines? How can we combine human and artificial intelligence?

Biohybrid robots 

Robotics with tissue engineering. They serve as a promising candidate for improved research investigation by providing biological dynamic system template through biological design. The concept of dual nature seems to have chance of success as although previous studies have shown that using skeletal muscle tissue on metal tend to shrink through the course of the tissue culture, it was not the case when an antagonistic pair were grown.

22nd of April, 2017.

Repurposing project to military (I don’t know how to feel about this, but Seokjin says I can’t do anything about it).

Military Robots

The need for reducing human casualty in war has become increasingly apparent by the public outcry and the great downfall in the number of men enlisting into the army over the years.  The world is evolving at such a rapid pace which forced the need for rapid adjustment to be almost compulsive, maybe that is what has allowed technological advances in the robot industry and invention to highlight the possibility of using robots in warfare which has been once regarded a topic of science fiction. The use of automated weapon systems is now considered the future of modern warfare and has become largely invested in for research and development by many countries.

Another sigh escapes his lips as he piles the scattered papers into their usual folder and away into the second drawer that he’ll open once again this time, next year. Leaning back in his leather seat and dropping his head back, he realised how much of a mess the place was. It was as if the storm outside had moved beyond the walls and into his rather suffocating workplace but he didn’t have time to think about cleaning up when far more important matters were to be done first.

His mind wandered to the stranded bot on the other side of the building who needed to have his microbiology screen completed today. There was an undeniable thrill in the routine tests he was in charge of, he looked forward to every instance where he finds himself a few feet away from his cell, not that anyone can blame him. He has never had actual contact with the robot – no one has before. He was programmed to comply with his assigned schedules, he knew when and where he had to stretch his arm across the metal barrier to sit it on top of a glass plate where they are strapped automatically to lock him in place for specimen collection.

He wished he had more authority when it came to the fate of him – he didn’t wish to have him locked away for all this time with minimal socialisation, all of which he knew were to be of consequence one day, inevitably.

The walk to the confinement was as any usual – the corridors dark and quiet. Not many people opt for night shifts in the field of his speciality for many reasons, some that undeniably reside in the depths of his mind every single day. This job is by no meant not your typical, there was risk in every move you make – especially when the guards are a bit too tired and a bit too unobservant in the late hours of the night. The secrecy of the projects withheld within confinement were much too important than human lives, the consequence of any fault is to be faced.

Two metal doors opened swiftly as he scanned his card by the projecting blue light. His anxiety swam to the surface as he dwelled on the chances of something going wrong. He knew he had to conquer his fears before coming face to face with the bot he gave life to. He knows just how capable he can use that against him -  how he can use anything to manipulate him.

He felt ashamed to admit that despite having built him piece by piece, he almost knows absolutely nothing about what goes in his computer mind. The second nature of Jungkook granted him that liability, the little ability and free will to conceal himself as he wishes from anybody without being coded onto one of these computer screens. Thinking about it now makes the uneasy feeling more difficult to go. There’s endless possibilities of things going wrong, the main concern being the possibility that Jungkook lets loose and decides to use his strength against the metal baring his own nature against his maker.

When the sound of the buzzer resonated in Namjoon’s ears to remind him of the job to be done, an unexpected guard emerges from the side door, he stops his footing a few inches away and inspects Namjoon fully despite the authorisation he received at the gate.

“What? No more naps on the job, Mr. Min?” Namjoon snickers, before giving his old friend a warm embrace, “I didn’t know you were back from suspension, what happened to you anyway?”

“Piss off Kim, one of you has either been a snake or that stupid janitor has ratted me out and told them what happe- anyway it’s nothing, I’m back. There.”

“What? What happened?” 

“I said, it’s nothing”

“Look Yoongi, if this concerns your job which requires you to be alert for a reason then it is something, for god’s sake what happened? Is this concerning the bot?”

Yoongi sighs before he contemplates saying anything, If the higher ups know then Namjoon also has a right to know, “He attacked him, Namjoon.”

Namjoon’s whole world seemed to have paused when he processed the three words, he’s attacked someone. Jungkook, he’s attacked somebody and…. “What did he do?” Namjoon blurts, he needs to find out more. Why would Jungkook do anything like this unstimulated? 

“Well he twisted his wrist till all his bones cracked broken-”

“No, I didn’t mean the bot. What did the Janitor do, did he say anything? Do anything” 

“What?” Yoongi asks confused, “I don’t know? Maybe? I heard him speak but you can’t hear much out here. I promise it’s not because I was asleep, I was actually awake the whole day that day.”

“He must’ve said something to push him into violence. What’s the janitor’s name? details?” 

“Woah, woah! Look I’m just a guard, man. Take your investigation somewhere else, go ask Seokjin or something.”

“Seokjin knows?” Namjoon feels betrayed, Seokjin out of everyone who was meant to support him unconditionally. His supposed best friend. At least he knows where his royalties lie.

“Of course, he was the first respondent. Was walking in the hallway when it happened actually. Great timing”

“And what did Seokjin do?” he looks down at Yoongi with a blank look, he knows that this was no coincidence. Seokjin’s job position has never required him to be on field, since when was he authorised to enter confinement? None of it made sense.

“I don’t know, I guess he talked both of them down or something. All I know is he was here, took the dude out afterwards for medical attention and they were both gone. Bot was still inside. So, as I said, Seokjin is your guy here I won’t be much help.”

“I see. If you remember anything you know who to look for” Namjoon leaves before completing his sentence to enter the sterile room to find the instruments.

He throws a blunt needle, alcohol wipes, fluid container and gloves on a tray after sterilising his hands. All the routine now familiar to him. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something is wrong, something is happening and he knows none of it. Jungkook has been in contact with a human for the first time in his existence, and he just attacks.

Letting the air trapped in his lungs out in a sigh, he puts on the gloves before making it to the double doors leading to the cell. Another buzzer sounded, this time no guard was present. He needed to know when this incident happened, he needed to know more. It was his responsibility if anything else goes terribly wrong, even though he was taken off the assignment.

Jungkook’s arm was already present by the time Namjoon walks to the edge of the cell. A small rectangular glass above allows him to have eye contact with the bot as he wiped his injection site clean, he knew he had to be calm and collected, as if he had no idea what he’d done. Grabbing the needle, he connected the end with the container before injecting it into a vein and drawing out blood.

Thirium

Blue blood as they call it, it’s the fluid that powers the androids biocomponents, it circulates to provide energy and electrical information as our nerves do. It is an extraordinary finding which has allowed hybrids to exist now as they do. But unlike human blood, it evaporates after a few hours and becomes invisible to the naked eye when it comes into contact with oxygen. Perfect for an erasable terror in war where there won’t be any remains to tell the story if the bot’s purpose fulfilment fails.

He knows he shouldn’t instigate a conversation, there were cameras everywhere. If seokjin hasn’t told him anything about the incident then there is a high likelihood it was only meant for a select few to know about it. They had even suspended Yoongi and he doubts that it was because his inability to do his job properly, this ‘incident’ had been done on purpose. Maybe a test? But he had to say something.

“How are you feeling?” he finds himself asking.

But there was no response. Jungkook was looking straight at him and the answer was clear. He wasn’t feeling anything, his eyes completely vacant. What had they done?

“You know, I’ve been meaning to apologise. I know how uncomfortable it feels to have blood drawn… and here you are getting it done weekly. I wish there was a different way to get your routine tests done. This one is going to be sent for microbial examination.”

Namjoon carefully removes the container from the needle, placing it onto the tray before taking his gloves off. He was not really expecting an answer, he was probably reprogrammed to be silent.

“I am sorry for what’s happened to you” he whispers. Not fully sure Jungkook would understand what he’s referring to. He just has a feeling that he hadn’t just randomly lashed out. He has never done that to him.

“You should not be apologising for getting your job done, sir” he hears the bot’s voice from the other side of the door, the dull eyes he was staring into turning rather soft before his hand was withdrawn and the flap closed shut followed by the sound of automated machinery.

Had he just gotten his un-programmed first sentence?

Has Jungkook spoken like that before? There was so much to find out.

As Namjoon made his way back to his private laboratory, he realised how wrong he was regarding his human capabilities. He might have created him but he knew absolutely nothing about the human side of Jungkook for he still has living tissue within him. His mind wandered to a specific conversation he had with Seokjin months ago.

7th of July, 2018.

“He is ready.” Seokjin speaks before he moves the pipette above a beaker, watching the mixture slowly swirl into hues of pink as he releases the chemical fluid. “He’s trained for a long time, he’s more than ready now. We have kept him thirsty for way too long.” 

Namjoon sighs before turning away from the laboratory’s senior - his senior. 

“Ready to murder every single human on this earth!” he releases a suppressed breath, “He hasn’t even had a single contact with a human before! With zero social skills, we’d be releasing a fucking killing machine!” 

“That’s what he’s designed for, remember? We don’t need him for anything else” the senior replies before taking steps towards his subordinate, “Besides, all we have to do to control him is to log on one of these damn computers. He’s already loaded with all the chips required, everyone who we want safe will be safe.”

“We were told he’d only be used in war, we didn’t sign up for this - all of this risk, millions of dollars for a single girl! They could easily have hired someone to do their dirty work.” 

Namjoon looks down at the stained bench as his senior joins him. 

“He might have cost us millions but I’m sure you can imagine how much more we’d lose if what we know goes out to the rest of the world. This one is out of your hands, I’m afraid”, he patted his shoulder before making eye contact “you seem to be getting too soft for this field of work, Dr. Kim. They wouldn’t be too impressed knowing that, especially not when you’re the creator of something so lethal.”

“You didn’t even witness anything that went down, I’d like to see you act all brave when he’s standing inches away from your face with the intent to kill – for being isolated all these years!”

He had thought so lowly of the bot he’s made from seeing him tackle bodies of plastic and various other instruments as part of his training. Although it is better to be safe rather than sorry he can’t bring himself to think that Jungkook would project his training on someone innocent, why would he harm someone he was not programmed to harm as Seokjin had promised.

Jungkook was to be released next week for his mission, he had received this information on the bulletin the next morning. Namjoon had no regard to time at this point, the night blended into day while he looked through any file he can access on the system, he knew he had to be careful with his investigation to avoid arousing suspicion. He was not stupid after all.

He vaguely remembers the mission Jungkook was set to complete, he had thought it was originally due to fatigue but now that he thinks back, Seokjin had not told him much – and after being removed from the bot’s case, he knows nothing at all. The last training he personally conducted with Jungkook haunted him.

28th of August, 2018.

“Let me run it one more time.” 

“It’s your third time already, he’s got it alright. He’s a machine!” Jin sneers as he fondles with the biohybrid’s file.

“Part machine.” Namjoon throws him a look before turning to meet his creation. “State your mission, again”, he orders. 

“Eliminate target Y/N L/N”, a monotone voice responds back.

“And?” 

“For fucks sake!” A familiar pestering voice behind him speaks again.

“I’m trying to follow the damn safe-conduct instructions here! If you can’t stand it then please, you may leave.”

Namjoon tries to collect his focus onto the robot sat in front of him, hoping that his supervisor won’t run his mouth again for all this is crucial in understanding even the slightest about the way his robot interacts with humans.

He had personally kept an eye on him through his training the past few months since his awakening, gawking from the camera lenses at the way he moves, the way he eats and drink, the way he speaks and conducts human like activities in isolation as after all – the bot was given a schedule to follow for the purpose of serving the scientists knowledge regarding his nature since personal interaction with him was not a viable option.

He was able to witness how he progressively began to speak less like a robot, his voice slowly losing that flat monotone only to flourish into a soft and almost musical one, how he became better at feigning freedom of expression as he recites what was stealthily stored into his system. He learned that just like humans, the robot required to eat and excrete, he’d observed that it had been awkward for him to do at the beginning; he would have been fooled to think of him as a child if it was not for his built body - and the lifelessness that lays between his irises. There was only one issue, he never had the chance to study his interaction with others and he has absolutely no idea what his human side is like, nothing regarding his though process and how much conflict that would bring to prosecuting his commands, there is only one way to truly find that out.

“Alright.” He palmed his face as it crunches in knowing soon regret, this is a terrible idea but what other choice does he have “What’s your name?”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

He had to find out more about Y/N too. He had one week to do all of this, one week to find something solid and halt the mission till he found more time to investigate into Seokjin, and the incident.

It was that time of the year again, the transition of autumn into winter is not one to be easily recognised when the flakes of snow have started falling ever since early September, just like the way the days have slowly converged into nothing but a stack of passing hours interrupted briefly by doses of sleep. There is no distinct moment where the frost has started chipping away at your skin, you think to yourself.

If you had to describe yourself, you could confidently tell the next person how painstakingly slow-paced your life was. You were nothing but an uneventful person, with an uneventful life. Everything had a schedule, your days began with a morning cup of coffee from your old (almost broken) machine that needed replacement, at 7 in the morning. You’d have not long enough before having to leave the house and attending the unnecessary meeting at your current job at POC where you worked as a reporter. This would typically be when your manager tells your team off for not working your butts hard enough to catch a break. On most days, there would be no one with good news worthy to report after the meeting, which is why Ollie, your manager, ensures the meeting comes first.

You’d spend the rest of your day in your cubicle by Park Jimin, he was your co-worker, and also your close friend. Jimin would usually be one of the few people with a story on the waiting list when the team had not caught anything worthy enough for news and you can’t help but be envious of that sometimes albeit his very hard work. You want to be like him one day, you think.

Work would usually end around 6pm, this is when your forehead is against the table and your eyes are closed shut. You were exhausted, because even though you leave the office at 6, your work never really ends. As soon as you stepped foot out of the intimidating building, you were basically out on field. You try not to get yourself too obsessed with catching a lucky break but you can’t help but feel desperate sometimes. Nevertheless, you usually would grab a takeaway and head home. On a good day, you would be having a barbecue dinner with Jimin and a bunch of other colleagues of yours. Today was not one of those days. It’s also not one of those days where you are enthusiastic to find a celebrity on a date with another to report on.

The way back home was pleasant. You had opted to cook food at home rather than a takeaway to give your body a bit of a break since you remember the groceries you’ve brought home the day prior. You were already thinking of what to make when you locked your apartment door shut, a carbonara sounded absolutely delicious, especially with fresh mushrooms. You left your bag on the sofa by the door where your makeshift living room is. Truth is, you still have not finished renovating your apartment despite having moved here 6 months ago. You were too busy worrying about newspapers to even think about buying a decent coffee table that could be in the centre of the room.

You were letting out a sigh and pulling at the camera that hung around your neck when a figure had moved within the darkness of your flat. You don’t remember inviting anybody over… your nerves shook as you thought of the possibilities anyone you know is inside with you right now. Did you just walk into a robbery of your own home?

“Hello?” you shout out, not knowing where the figure had moved to. You had to think of something.

You managed to grab the tennis racket from the box of all-random-things in attempt to defend yourself, thanking the disorganised part of yourself for having everything sit in the box knowing it’d come handy one day. If this is how you’re going to die then the least you can do is defend yourself.  How pathetic would it be to get killed in a robbery? You could just walk right out but how would you know the person won’t chase after you like a dog.

“I know you’re in there, come out!” you tried to sound strong, knowing full well that you’d shit your pants if whoever it is inside shows themselves. Did they have a weapon?

“Hello?” your hands are now shaking, you decided it’s wise to call the police and have them deal with it. The stillness of your apartment did nothing but install more anxiety and fear in the pit of your stomach.

You were walking to where you had left your bag to reach for your phone when the sound of movement and hurtle had caused you to hurry your movements. Someone was behind you. You could feel the heat emit out of their body and into yours, they were close when the phone was in your hand and all you had to do was dial the emergency but you were too late. You gulped - this is your end.

“Drop the phone.”  you hear the man behind you say, the sentence resonating in your head as you had thought of what could happen if you just tapped the green button. You decided that nothing could be worse than what you are possibly about to experience when you hit dial and the phone rang but before you could even comprehend you were forcefully turned and pushed against the wall, causing you to meet your offender eye to eye.

You couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped your mouth when his fingers wrapped around your neck and started squeezing.

You had imagined the worse when you thought of who would take away your life if you had to leave earth that way. You were expecting perhaps… someone filled with hatred, covered with scars that had driven them to commit such an act against you, or maybe just someone plain crazy and evil. But the person who stood in front of you was anything but. He was young, beautiful even. You couldn’t stop yourself from admiring the long brown locks that separated at the centre of his head at the top, the soft doe-like eyes that were filled with emptiness and his soft pink lips. Why would someone like that -  so innocent looking, a stranger, want to harm you? What had you possibly done to deserve being choked to death?

Your vision was giving away when you finally brought your hand to claw at his skin, your voice not strong enough to make out any word when the panic had finally set in, you were vibrating in sheer panic when you felt the air refuse to leave your lungs and your eyes started filling with tears, “Please, stop!” you wanted to cry out but to no avail when your vision started fading to black.

[spiders-n]

Tease Shirt

A headcannon struck when Z so graciously gifted us this image so I followed it straight to hell. 

Now on AO3

-----

Peter has been studying for his last final for what feels like years when his phone buzzes against the hard surface of the university library table.

MJ: Hey dork. I need a small favor.

Peter’s brow furrows.

Peter: Shoot.

MJ: I have been sexiled yet again

MJ: and while I would normally just kill time around campus for the next couple of hours I just finished my last final and I feel like if I don’t take a shower in the next 10 minutes I might not ever smell clean again. Would you mind if I came over and used your shower?

Peter couldn’t help the frown that slips onto his face. This is the 6th time MJ's been unable to get into her dorm since January because her roommate is having sex. She normally doesn't complain because she loves her roommate and is generally a huge supporter of any woman who actively claims their sexuality but she had let it slip to him once that she was beginning to feel like she spent more time avoiding her dorm than actually living in it. He doesn’t even need to think about it when he types out his response.

Peter: Of course, Em. You don’t have to ask, I made the extra key fob for a reason. I’m still studying for my Orgo Lab final but it’s all yours for as long as you need it. 🤓

Even though he was technically not allowed to, he’d taken his key fob apart in Mr. Stark’s shop and made duplicates for Ned and MJ to get into his building when it had become clear to them that his living arrangement in a newer dorm that gave each resident a private room and bathroom was, by far, the most agreeable place for the three of them to hang out.

MJ had used her’s a hundred times over the course of the last 9 months, Peter is sure, but there is something oddly intimate about letting her be there while he isn’t. When he'd typed his message, the only thing in his mind had been his memory of MJ during last semester's final season, exhausted and worn, and even Peter had to admit, looking a little worse for the wear. Now that he's paused long enough to push past that mental image and the immediate urge to fix it anyway he can, he thinks that perhaps saying "you don't have to ask" may have been a bit too much. He panics for a long moment, trying to remember what state he’d left his room in but eventually resigns his worries to the back burner when he remembers that MJ once saw him blow his nose with a sock and then proceed to leave the snot crusted sock on his bedside table for a week and has since managed to voluntarily and enthusiastically kiss him 59 times since (yes he’s counted). Either she was just as gone for him as he was for her or she had a serious lack of regard for the hygiene of others. 

He can't help the surge of excitement he always got when he and MJ crossed into any new territory in their relationship. He'd given her the key to his dorm as a friend and now she'd using it as his girlfriend and that felt very significant to him in a way he knew would make her fondly roll her eyes at him if he shared with her.  

MJ: omg I’m definitely taking a nap in ur bed and you can’t stop me!

MJ: also thank you

Peter squirms as he reads the first message and tries desperately not to think about MJ freshly out of the shower and in his bed.

He’s seen her just out of the shower twice in his life, and would be lying if he said they were anything less than moments that defined his teenage sexuality. The first time was when she accidentally got snowed in at May’s apartment one weekend in their junior year of high school. She'd stopped by the bring him his homework and decathlon flash cards after he'd missed school due spider-manning a little too hard the night before, and didn't get the chance to go home until Monday evening. That was the weekend she'd found out about him and also the weekend that he'd first realized that he was probably in love with her, a realization that came about largely because of how incredible she looked after her shower. He remembers the very confusing combination of feelings he’d felt when he’d seen May’s green stripped pajamas sticking to MJ’s still wet skin as she stumbled into Peter’s room from the steam-filled bathroom and shook out her hair from it’s bun. He’s still convinced that the whole scene happened in slow motion.

The second time was during their summer abroad after graduation. They were staying in a bunk bed laden Airbnb in south France with Ned and Betty and a couple other Midtown Tech graduates. Peter had been talking himself in and out of just finally asking her out all summer. They were practically already dating in that they spent most of their time together, wholeheartedly supported each other's hopes and dreams, and very routinely accompanied each other to various events that society required people to bring dates to. His only hang up was the unyielding fear that making things romantic would ruin the best friendship he'd ever had outside of Ned. That hang up was mostly stomped out when he saw her next that night. She’d stepped into the room in blue silk shorts and a matching tank top wearing, and Peter remembers this very clearly, absolutely no bra. She had water droplets sitting on her shoulders and arms as she wrestled her hair into a towel and she finally moved her body upright he could see the faintest sliver of exposed stomach resting just above the band of her shorts. It was, in Peter’s opinion, one of the most under appreciated Michelle Jones looks of all time. And Peter had very thoroughly appreciated it at least 4 times.

He glances back down at his Organic Chemistry text book from the screen of his phone, the page half hidden by the notes he’d been going over, and groans at the reality that he’s at least an hour away from an A on his final and more realistically two if he wants to walk in feeling really confident.

Peter takes a second to gather his will and silently reminds himself that even if he was with MJ in his room at that moment the most that was likely to happen would be some making out and co-napping since they hadn’t actually done anything more than that yet. His monkey brain then counters back at him that literally nothing in the world actually sounds as good to him in that moment than making out with MJ and then taking a nap and he’s back to grumpily looking down at his textbook.

It only takes a couple minutes of begrudging reading for him to actually gets caught up in the material and loose track of time for while. It's an hour after their original conversation that his phone buzzes and snaps him back into the real world.

MJ: How much longer do you think you’ll be studying? You should come nap with me.

And then the temptation to say fuck it and just chance getting a slightly less awesome grade in Orgo was back in full force. He takes a deep breath and pries himself away from the alluring thought of a warm bed and an even warmer MJ. 

Peter: The thought did cross my mind. I am probably another 45 minutes away from feeling very confident for this exam, though. Will you wait for me?

Peter hits send and forces his attention back to the material. Whatever the answer, the sooner he finishes studying the sooner he’ll be able to see her.

Five minutes later his phone buzzes and he flips it over to see that he has a Snapchat from MJ.

When he opens it his barely suppressed moan is caught in his throat. MJ is laying on his bed, hair twisted up into a towel, glasses on instead of her normal contacts, lips covered in his f a v o r i t e shimmery chapstick that tastes like mint, all of which would make Peter want to jump her bones even more than he normally does, but on top of all that she is very clearly wearing one of his shirts. One of his Stark Industries shirts.

He’s so overcome by the image that it disappears and he has to replay it again to read the text she’d left in small print over her shoulder.

“I’ll be here all night….” It read. At that Peter actually does moan at that. Out loud, and it turns a couple heads from near by tables. He doesn’t care though because this picture of a very cuddly and soft MJ in his fucking shirt literally waiting for him to get home is too suggestive for his over crowded brain to take. He closes his textbook with more force than is sticky necessary and shoves it into his backpack, scrambling to do the same to the highlighters and notebooks he’d spread around the table as well.

When he’s packed up he grabs his phone and texts MJ.

Peter: I’m coming home now

MJ’s response is almost instantaneous.

MJ: what happened to feeling really confidant for your Orgo exam?

Peter rolls his eyes and then grins. If she wants to play coy he can too.

Peter: it got really hard

He sends and then waits for her to open the message before typing again

Peter: to focus, I mean

MJ’s response lives in the gray dot dot dot at the bottom of Peter’s screen for what feels like ten years before she finally send it.

MJ: Maybe I can help you work it out…

And it’s the ellipsis at the end that forces him into action. Suddenly, before he can bully his brain into keeping up with his body, he’s out of the library and making his way steadily across campus to his dorm with the kind of speed that he normally only employs when he’s patrolling but he’s loathe to find a time that more desperately calls for such measures.

In the end, he learns two very important lessons.

The first is that there is nothing hotter than coming home to find your girlfriend spraying canned whipped cream directly into her mouth clad not only in your T-shirt but also in your boxers. And as he later finds out, absolutely nothing else.

The second is that you tend to test better when you take an exam after a post orgasm induced sleep. Who knew?

[aeternallis]

Rant / Meta Analysis regarding The Untamed’s Ending

Having finally watched the last episode of The Untamed, I just wanted to take some time to sort through my thoughts about the last scenes, and what the production team had wanted to accomplish with it. As I have nothing else better to do on this rainy Sunday evening anyhow, here we go!

Oh! And for anyone who would like to continue reading, please be aware that these thoughts are strictly my opinions and how I understood the ending, so by no means do y’all have to agree with me! ^^

Personally, I found the ending quite satisfying; it didn’t leave much to the imagination that it was indeed a happy ending, and the relieved smile on Wei Wuxian’s face during that last shot was as poetic as it was fitting. The very first shot of him in the first episode of the drama is him looking broken with blood running down his chin, so the juxtaposition with the final shot of him looking healthy and smiling just makes the collective audience’s hearts sigh in content, methinks!

The scriptwriters for this show managed to give WangXian their happy ending without having to step over that line that could have taken the show off the air or kill one of them off, so for that, I’ll eternally be grateful.

I can now honestly say that in terms of Asian drama set in a historical/fantasy setting, this is definitely one of the best, despite the sometimes mediocre acting and frustratingly small budget. ❤️

The Set Up

Perhaps the biggest impression that the ending left on me would be the idea of Lan Wangji as the Chief Cultivator, because it’s one that’s unique to the live action drama. In the novel, they gloss over the political matters after the Guanyin Temple arc, so MXTX left it for interpretation. If memory serves me correctly, I believe Nie Huesang volunteered for the position, but someone please correct me if I’m wrong~

At first, I was a little bit confused as to why the scriptwriters for the show added such an original idea so late in the drama, when they’ve stuck pretty close to the source material throughout the show. But after spinning said idea in my brain for a couple of days, the realization slowly came that it was actually a marvelous and useful plot point for WangXian to get their happy ending! :D

In the novel, it was quite simple for MXTX to give WangXian their happy ending simply for the fact that the characters love and trust each other. They both can’t live without the other person, and after the shit they’ve been through, it’s only natural that they wouldn’t hesitate to take that once in a lifetime second chance to create a life together.

But in the drama, it’s different. The subtext is there, their feelings for one another jumps out of the screen, but no matter what, WangXian is not considered an official couple in the show. This isn’t to say that they aren’t or that the audience feels the same way; their relationship certainly has the development and trajectory of a regular couple had this been a drama with a het pairing as its focal point.

But alas, that’s the reality of censorship.

Ultimately, their ideals (to do what they believe is right, and to do it with their conscience clean) take much more precedence, compared to the novel. That isn’t to say that they place no importance on their feelings, but that this show portrays their morals in the most idealistic way.

In other words, they’re a romantic couple in everything but in name.

All the more reason, I think, that the show runners had to find a way around this roadblock they had no choice but to set themselves up for: without acknowledging the romance and relying on it, what excuse can they come up with to keep these two characters together?

Which brings us back to the live action’s original idea of Lan Wangji as Chief Cultivator.

Chief Cultivators

Before we fully get into the aforementioned topic, let’s first establish how Chief Cultivators are depicted in the drama: two portrayals in which although they seem complete opposites on the surface, are quite similar in nature, as this show has more than once pointed out to the audience.

During the first half of the drama, we have Wen Ruohan and his Wen Sect. As Chief Cultivator, he resided in the Nightless City. The palace is shown to be located on the side of a cliff, surrounded by volcanoes and oozing lava. He was a man mad with power and wanting an endless supply of it; by all means and purposes, Wen Ruohan was just #evil, and the show didn’t hide it. Lol

In contrast during the second half of the drama, the new Chief Cultivator resides in the Golden Koi Tower. The setting is the complete opposite from Nightless City; the skies are blue, the palace looks tranquil and majestic compared to Nightless City’s brutal design. Even so, Jin Guangyao was a man also mad with power and wanted more of it, he just knew how to hide it a lot better and under the guise of a thousand different justifications.

I think what struck me the most about these two portrayals is how cut off they are from the rest of the world (one is literally an ivory tower, lol) and how little both these ex-Chief Cultivators understood the nature of people.

A big part of the Wen Sect’s downfall is that because they were drunk and high on the power they’ve held onto for so long, it didn’t once occur to them that in such isolating circumstances, the smaller sects would eventually come together to rebel. So when it did happen, it was really no wonder the Sunshot Campaign was such a success, because the Wen Sect definitely got the rug pulled out from under them. When the smaller sects have been pushed and bullied around for so long and shared a common enemy, it’s an almost guaranteed hot pot for a successful coup d'état.

For any world leader, both real and fictional, this is common sense.

In that same vein, Jin Guangyao only understood the world through his own personal grievances. His very motivation for power was to avenge himself on everyone who has ever looked down on him and whether it was a big or small slight, it didn’t matter. Regardless, if one had committed a slight against him, he would repay it in full and perhaps a bit more.

So as far as portrayals go, Chief Cultivators aren’t really considered a very good thing in the show. They’re shown as not only power-hungry and manipulative, but more importantly, also isolated and stuck in their ivory towers.

LWJ as Chief Cultivator

And finally, we get to the million-dollar question: would Lan Wangji make for a good and effective Chief Cultivator?

In and of itself, this is a tricky question for me personally, as a fan of this show. On the one hand, my bias towards Lan Wangji says yes, but on the other hand... While I can admit he’d make for a trustworthy Chief Cultivator—meaning, he would know how to work through the technicalities of the job, without relying on shady political dealings and manipulations—understanding the people of their world and how/why they do the things they do would prove to be much more of a challenge for him.

Let’s not forget that although Lan Wangji has a good reputation for his honor and admirable conduct, it’s easy for people to turn against him if they don’t understand his motivation and/or his reasoning. Case in point: during episode 44, a random sect member easily called him out for his association with the Yiling Patriarch. The call out was made through the sect member’s limited view of how she perceived Hanguang-jun’s character through his reputation alone.

It also does not help the fact that Lan Wangji doesn’t really know how to express himself directly. During episode 13 when they’re making their way to the cave to find the Tortoise of Slaughter, Wei Wuxian had to work his way around his friend’s lack of skills when it comes to communicating what he needs (in this case, needing to rest his broken leg, lol). And don’t even get me started on how the man can’t lie to save his life; he’d rather not say anything and uphold his honor, rather than spout lies (mayhaps the only exception to this would be to protect the other person).

As much as it pains me to say it, Lan Wangji’s personality and natural demeanor makes for a great hive of misunderstandings. And this is only in describing his personal relationship with Wei Wuxian; what more on the grand scale of being the Chief Cultivator, when you have to deal with so many more people? T_T

If anything, the show does an incredible job of showing how Lan Wangji comes to understand the people around him when he’s with Wei Wuxian: his understanding of Song Lan’s pain when he lost his own soulmate, the struggle and determination he sees in his own brother when faced with the fact that Jin Guangyao may not be the man he thought he was.

It’s a great contrast to how he was during the time period when Wei Wuxian was “asleep.” Jiang Cheng mentions that Lan Wangji has been traveling all over the world looking for someone, yet isn’t it interesting how in those years of travel, the latter hasn’t made one single human connection outside of the people close to him at home?

While it shows serious dedication to Wei Wuxian and the memory of their history together, it’s not a very helpful backdrop to his new position, imo. In all honestly, it’s safe to say that at this point, Lan Wangji mostly gains his understanding of people through his relationship and connection with Wei Wuxian.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, of course. If anything, it means that his connection to Wei Wuxian is a positive influence on him, and vise versa. Lan Wangji is the type of person who, although he doesn’t care for many people on a personal level, the ones that he does care for are the ones he loves fiercely and is deeply attuned to.

Tbh, the level of detail in this show is astounding when it comes to Lan Wangji and his character. During episode 46 of the golden core reveal, the audience sees mainly Jiang Cheng’s realization of what truly happened all those years ago in real-time. At that point, Jiang Cheng had only begun to realize the cost of not only his, but Wei Wuxian’s pride and honor.

In contrast, Lan Wangji had already fit the puzzle pieces together in his mind; there was no need to show his own flashbacks and moments with Wei Wuxian. Because he already understood and saw for himself the kindness and selflessness that is so deeply ingrained in his beloved, along with the evidence in front of him, there was no reason to doubt Wen Ning’s testimony.

It isn’t until we get to the lake scene though that audience witnesses the crucial realization for Lan Wangji of how...callous and almost naive his initial reaction was to finding out that Wei Wuxian has been practicing demonic cultivation. While in his mind he may have thought at the time that he was interrogating his friend with a clean conscience, I will admit that for a time, the way I (key word here is I, so don’t come at me folks) saw this scene as part of the audience, Lan Wangji was also suspicious of him.

Which is why I believe on episode 33, it was due to this that Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but ask regarding that time period in their life:

In other words, Lan Wangji’s reaction at the time, no matter the fact that he hadn’t known the truth of Wei Wuxian’s golden core yet, wasn’t done with as clean a conscience as he had once thought. It isn’t until he came to learn of Wei Ying‘s true motivation explicitly, that he realizes his own misjudgment of the situation, which I would think is very important as to how he will deal with other people as the Chief Cultivator.

This is also why, although I may have had reservations about this original idea at first, I will say that it makes for a great vehicle in keeping these two characters together all the way to the end. 😆

As the position of Chief Cultivator has been given to one of the Two Jades of Lan, I think it’s reasonable to assume that the seat of centralized power has now shifted to the Gusu Lan Sect. But, as this show has once again shown to the audience, no sect is infallible, not even Gusu Lan, for all their righteousness.

After all, let’s not forget that the Gusu Lan Sect produced Su She and the questionable morals of Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji’s father. Yikes, man...

Even if Gusu Lan is portrayed as an upright sect with many rules and regulations and has the most upright disciples, it’s no less of an ivory tower for Lan Wangji, as the Nightless City had been for Wen Ruohan and the Golden Koi Tower for Jin Guangyao.

And this is why I think in the end, Lan Wangji chose to come back to Wei Ying and travel the world with him, amongst other reasons. 😆 Because as much as Lan Wangji loves Wei Wuxian in the context of this show, he’s also not the type to let go of his responsibility, especially one he chose to accept himself.

It’s much too simple, I think, to say that he became Chief Cultivator for awhile, then once he “settled everything,” he came back to Wei Ying. If anything, this drama reiterates the fact that the world is not always so simple, especially when it comes to the thoughts and feelings of others.

Besides, what would stop the audience from thinking that Lan Wangji became a traveling Chief Cultivator, one who actually makes an effort to get to know people and understand their motivations? Although I will also point out that, in the end, whether or not he gives up the position of Chief Cultivator, it doesn’t necessarily matter. 

The point of the matter is, he is a better person at Wei Wuxian’s side, as Wei Wuxian is at his, in order for them to keep and maintain their promise! ^^

And yet furthermore, which better person to travel the world with in order to understand it than Wei Wuxian, the one who arguably knows the most in regards to the nature of people, just because he’d seen firsthand what could be the worst of it? The man who usually has the keenest sense of getting to the bottom of an individual’s motivation, but also knows that sometimes, as he states in episode 43:

After all, in order for Lan Wangji to become an effective Chief Cultivator, in order for him to maintain his promise of protecting the weak and helpless whilst keeping a clear conscience and not make the same mistake as he had done with Wei Wuxian the first time, he needs to learn about the hearts of other people.

A Chief Cultivator stuck in his ivory tower would only repeat the same past mistakes, but a Chief Cultivator who knows the hearts of people and makes the effort to understand them would, I think, make the biggest difference in their world.

[ptilopseth]

no oripathy fucks with my baby by hozier ft. me

sqrt(-1) bit

The first thing Seth notices as he opens his office door is that firstly, his girlfriend is missing, and secondly, there is no note to indicate why. Dr. Kal'tsit would typically fill in for a secretarial role until other duties called her (and even then, that's if she wanted to), but she's nowhere to be seen either. Just then, and without enough time for Seth to set down his bags and get organized, his phone rings with the tone of one of Sora's newest singles. Seth answers quickly, and on the other end of the line comes the frantic and fast voice of Operator Mayer: "SethIjustsawyouwalkinandIknowit'sreallyearlybutpleasecometothemedbayrightnow." "Mayer, I have no idea what you just said to me." "Med bay." "Why?" Seth has an idea of why, but after all, the first stage of grief is denial. "Ptilopsis." Seth doesn't even bother exiting the conversation properly. One ended phone call later, Seth skids into the medical bay and is immediately greeted by a just-as-frantic Mayer, who, without even attempting to explain why it is Ptilopsis is in the med bay, drags him by the sleeve through a host of other infected Operators, and then to one of the last rooms on the left. Ptilopsis is quite a sight. She's not on an IV drip or anything, but it's clear she's in some sort of psuedo-comatose state. Dr. Kal'tsit sits at the side of the bed, clipboard in hand, writing furiously. Seth is speechless. Mayer is the first one to break the heavy silence. "We thought you could do something." Seth carefully approaches Ptilopsis, Mayer trailing close behind. "Why?" "It was Dr. Kal'tsit that suggested it. Something about Orignium's reaction to emotional stimuli." If Mayer were in any other mood, she would have gone on a tangent about how much she knows of the topic, but now is not the time. Seth pulls up a chair near the bed and sets his messenger bag aside. He looks at Ptilopsis for a moment, and notices the ever so slight twitching of her face; the expression she wears is not necessarily painful, but certainly cannot indicate that this is just another case of a narcoleptic episode. In fact, upon closer inspection, Seth notices a very light sheen of sweat on his girlfriend's face. Nothing good is happening here. "What do I do? I mean- I can stay here as long as you need me, sure, but..." "We were thinking," Dr. Kalt'sit looks up from her notes, "That Mayer could utilize one of her electronic devices to temporarily meld your mind with Ptilopsis'. She leans up and sets the clipboard on the nearby medical cart, then stands to go and get whatever device it is that she's talking about from Mayer's bag on the floor. "It wouldn't cause you any harm, unless you provoke the Oripathy inside of her." "And this will help how?" Seth has an inkling, but better to ask than to assume. "We figured that since you two have been together for...?" Mayer starts. "Six months." Dr. Kal'tsit rummages around in Mayer's personal bag for the device in question. "Six months, that your presence would curb the current spike in Oripathic activity within her system. 'Cause- um, how some infected Operators use music as a channel for controlling symptoms?That's just a form of expressing emotions." Mayer carefully explains, hoping that Dr. Kalt'sit won't interrupt her. The person in question stands up, the device in her hand. It is a thin, blue, and slightly transparent (as well as slightly glowing) piece of electronics that Seth assumes only Mayer can understand. Dr. Kal'tsit hands it off to Mayer for further usage. "How's it work?" "Well," Mayer taps on the screen, inputs what seems to be a password, and turns the screen to show Seth. "It searches for a certain type of Originium discharge- think of it like radiation- and 'links' up to that source. Then the other party just holds onto this device, and the Originium discharge is synced with the other party." Seth heaves a breath, not entirely sure what this entails, or if it will work. "Better to try and fail than to not do anything at all." In a normal setting, Mayer would fire back some remark about her genius, but she holds herself back. Mayer begins the scanning process, and after a tense five seconds in which Seth can almost see the despair on Dr. Kal'tsit's face, the device beeps and registers Ptilopsis' Oripathic signal. Mayer hands the device off to Seth. "Do I just-? Do I just hold it?" "Mhm. Wait a sec, let me just..." Mayer taps a button on the screen that says "begin sync." "Good luck." After just a moment, Seth's entire vision goes dark. He is standing in the shadow of the Originium within Ptilopsis; or, rather, the shadow currently is Ptilopsis, and it's his job to manage it, or at least try. "Ptilopsis?" He calls out in a sort of strange, desperate way, unsure if that's what Mayer and Dr. Kal'tsit are intending for him to do. "Hello." Comes a soft voice from behind him. He whips around to see Ptilopsis. "Are you... okay?" "Can you come here?" Seth steps closer, and Ptilopsis' eyes well with tears. "I-" And she starts again after a choked sob: "I don't know what's happening to me." Seth pulls Ptilopsis into a hug, one which she does not refuse. Seth posits that the "system nexus" of Ptilopsis- A.K.A. the very way she organizes her thoughts- was somehow disrupted, and it led to some sort of collapse of her body. "What can I do for you?" He asks, in a quiet tone as he speaks as calmly as he can manage into Ptilopsis' ear. "I don't know." "Um... I don't know either. But I'm gonna stay here until this gets fixed, alright?" "Alright. Thank you." "Of course." "Can you keep talking?" "Um, yeah. So- I went to Lungmen the other day for some clerical stuff with Ch'en, and in the part that didn't get wrecked during our fifth operation, I saw this really nice flower stand that was selling these fresh lilies. And I saw this bouquet of orange and white ones, and it reminded me of you. And I bought them- this was kind of meant to be a surprise for later- but then I was curious about what they meant, right? So I searched what they meant, and apparently white lilies represent virtue- and that's just you all over- and the orange ones represent confidence, and I just thought that was really fitting." "What else?" "What else? Uh, I found this really nice restaurant in Lungmen the other day- also the day with the flowers. It's sort of a hole-in-the-wall kind of place, but they sell the best vegetable rolls I've had in my entire life, and I don't know how much you like Lungmen food, but I just thought it would be nice to treat you to somewhere after your promotion. Which is also coming really soon, also meant to be a surprise, but... I just need the LMD to verify the promotion, then I can sign off." "Can you do something for me?" "Any time." "I'm sorry, but... can you say why you love me?" "Oh, hell, where do I even begin? I don't know, I guess I just... I feel really safe around you? You always ask me if making an advance is okay, you never berate me if I don't want to participate, you never once have made fun of me for not understanding the non-deterministic polynomial time problem, um- you're just so sweet, and kind, and I don't know what kind of person I'd be without you, and... I really love you. I really, really love you. And I hope that someday, sometime in the future, we can just- be together, without any hurdles, and with maybe a cat or something, and I can get to call you my wife. Or something like that." Seth closes his eyes and buries his face into Ptilopsis' shoulder. "Thank you." "No problem." "...It appears the system encountered a fatal error. Please wait while I finish rebooting. ...It appears there is an external device linked to the system. I assume this is what has caused you to appear within my subconscious. Did Mayer develop this device on her own?" "Yes, and on a whim, at that." "Give her my regards once you exit my subconscious." "Can do." Seth opens his eyes, and blinks as he adjusts to the now-near-white background of Ptilopsis's subconscious. "Why's your subconscious like this?" "Ptilopsis cannot return an answer for your query. Please try again later." "Figures. Um, hey- shit, I don't know if Mayer's listening, but, uh- Mayer, I kind of want out of my girlfriend's brain. Like, personal space and all that." Seth jolts back to consciousness outside of Ptilopsis' system nexus, and sighs deeply. He looks up to his girlfriend, who has just now opened her eyes. A hand grasps Seth's shoulder- Mayer's, firmer than expected- and the person in question grabs the device from his hands to power it off. "Good work, Mayer." "As expected of me. ...Thanks." She tucks the device back into her bag, and stands up. "Where're you going?" Seth looks around to see that Dr. Kal'tsit has also vacated the premises. "We figured you two wanted some alone time." "How considerate." Mayer gives Seth a thumbs-up and exits the room, leaving only Ptilopsis and her boyfriend. "Hi." Seth gives a little wave. Ptilopsis sits up carefully and orients herself to sit on the edge of the bed near Seth. "Hello. My deepest gratitude for your intervention on the spike in my Oripathic symptoms." "I just sat and talked. Already something i'm good at." "Yes. Especially your explanation as to why you are attracted to me." "That was really corny, though..." "I do not think so. A genuine profession of love cannot be 'corny.' And your explanation helped to recalibrate the system nexus as well." "Why do you think that is?" "Being attracted to you has been written into the base of the system nexus. Your explanation, spoken by you, grounded that written protocol and helped to realign the rest of the system." "That's kinda badass." "It is as you describe as 'badass.' I do think it is very peculiar myself, however. And I do have a question to ask of you." "What's up?" "Do you believe my Oripathy has ever affected, or will ever affect, your ability to stay attracted to me? It is quite burdensome to speak in this manner, and it is even moreso to cope with Oripathic spikes, if such an event were to occur again." "What? Ptilopsis, why would I care about that?" "...I do not like to be the bearer of bad news, but I will remind you that Oripathy has no known cure, and that if the Originium within Ptilopsis is not contained by the doctors at Rhodes Island, I may go rampant, or I may turn into a different person entirely." And then, quieter: "Or I may lose my life." "Do you think I didn't sign up for that when we started dating? I love you, Ptilopsis. L-O-V-E. Simple as that. It doesn't matter what happens. I want to be there for you." "Even such a difficult situation cannot stop you, Seth. Detecting emotional surge within Ptilopsis." "Can I kiss you?" "I was just about to ask the same thing." And so the two kiss, embracing each other very gently as it is done. Seth breaks for a moment, just to comment: "Ptilopsis, can I give you a very weird compliment?" "I would like to know what this compliment entails. Please continue with your explanation." "Um... your lips are very soft." "...Please do note that a spike in Oripathic activity does not correlate to being turned on." "That's not what I was-" Ptilopsis smiles lightly. "It was simply a joke. I cannot validate the truth behind such a statement. And I do appreciate the compliment." Meanwhile, just outside the door, in the Rhine Labs group chat created by Mayer: meeboo69420: GUSY meeboo69420: *guys meeboo69420: LOOK

Mayer posts a discreetly taken image of Ptilopsis and Dr. Warren making out, taken just seconds earlier. Saria: Mayer, you were assigned to the cargo escort team today. Aren't you supposed to be with them? Olivia: Mayer, it's very rude to post that kind of thing, even in a group chat. BBQ TIME: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [fire emoticon] Medic Operator Ptilopsis: Mayer please send me that image immediately. I would like to set it as the lock and home screen wallpaper of my phone. Olivia: Look what you did...

[suney]

Ripules n 12 cuz shy losers?

12 - things you said when you thought i was asleep [1/5]   next →

Amanda is standing at her workbench heaving on the end of a crowbar the first time it happens.

“Just give me a second! I’m nearly- there!” 

“What the hell are you going on about now?” A barrister pokes her nose into the workshop, observing the unfolding events from over her glasses. “I know you like your own company and tend to have these ‘stern’ discussions with yourself, but yelling at no one is actually pretty fucking weird, Amy.”

“Don’t call me that.” Ripley fires at her with a dangerous glance, wiping away horrific spatters of tin scented fluid, it’s tang reminiscent of aluminum on fillings. “Also, I was yelling at you for being an impatient ass on my comms.” 

“Mm, no, I wasn’t.” 

“Who else could it have been, Nina?” 

She hums, squinting down at the screen, an insistent banner flashing white and grey along the top.

Eat… 18:30.

“My God you’re an idiot, Ripley. That’s not a message, it’s an alarm.”

“What? I don’t have any alarms, not for this time of day.” Amanda brushes the device off the table and into her bag on the floor. “And name calling, really?”

“I was joking.” She holds her shoulder, crossing her ankles to lean fully on the other woman. “But since you’re already distracted, come and sit down. I bought lunch.” She gently touches the cold wrist of a synthetic, laying motionless on the table. “If that’s alright by you, Samuels? Because I swear, even you won’t be able to make me give her mouth to mouth if she faints again.”

“He won’t be able to make you do anything until he’s fixed, Taylor.” The engineer rolls her eyes and follows the heavenly smell of curry wafting from the crib room.

“You really think you can?”

“I have to…”

The next time it happens she had fallen asleep using a bicep of the deactivated- the temporarily dead- android as a pillow. Her chair up as high as it will go and his hand in her own.

Sleep… 23:59.

“W’the fuck is going on?” Amanda mumbles into the synthetic’s side, lazing her arms over his chest to look at the screen. She wonders if she had installed a dodgy app, or if there had been a bug in the last batch of updates. 

She yawns, swipes at the alert, and decides it probably had the right idea anyway. 

Goodnight.

“Goodnight… I guess.”

Over time, the alarms had become progressively more specific. Mentioning conversations she’d had in private, even alone. Offering her advice, greeting her, wishing she had a fabulous day or night. Shockingly even to her, she never thought it was creepy, going back through her downloads to determine they had in fact been from the phone, to the phone. It was sweet. Familiar in the way it was worded like an old friend. 

“Hey.” Taylor, as had become routine, appears at her door for visit one out of three today. “I bought coffee.”

“Oh my God, you read my mind.” 

“I do, everyday, at exactly seven in the morning.”

“Yeah and what time do you call this?” Amanda gratefully trades the cup for a pair of soggy tin-snips and takes a drink, her fluid covered hands sticking to the paper as they swap back. Her friend holding it by the lid at an arms length.

“Late. Late is what I make of it. I’ve been at work since five absolutely snowed in with paperwork. So, fend for yourself for lunch? And don’t stay up all night, I know you’re excited, but get some rest and do it properly. Please. You only get-”

“One shot.” Amanda nods, pulling at a creamy tube full of metallics. “I know.” 

Her phone blares once, and then again. 

“Are you still getting those?” Nina asks indifferently, unable to counteract the hand over her upper stomach attempting to hold her bagel down as out of the chest comes what looks like an organ, attached at the base by colour coded wires.

“Yah." 

“Aren’t you going to check it?”

It rings one more time in a different tone and Amanda supposes she should. The advice it offered had sometimes been handy, telling her the microwave had gone off, or the ice had melted in her bourbon and coke. This, however, was eerie.

Pay attention. 

Please don’t cut the red wire.

Do not cut the red wire.

It vibrates a final time. 

S-Exec Repair Manual, p 138: preventative measures for fuel cell ignition.

“Holy fuck.” Amanda flips a page on the next table over, quoting from it. “‘Disconnect from power source before removing fuel cell… red wire last… prone to violent combustion…’ Holy fuck." 

“Someone’s definitely watching over you.” Nina breathes a sigh of relief. 

“I might- yeah, I might sit down for my coffee today.” 

“Good idea. I’ll leave you to it.” 

Amanda nods her goodbye with a quick hug and regards the synthetic at a safe distance. It isn’t until hours later that she moves, or even speaks again, shocked into silence by the fact she could have killed her friend and less importantly, lost an arm in doing so. 

Your drink is definitely cold. It has been for six hours.

She glances at the screen as it wobbles on her jogging knee. “So, I’ve been thinking,” she starts out of nowhere, “if I didn’t know any better, which I do, I’d agree with Nina and say you’re looking out for me. Which is ridiculous because all the evidence points to you just being a device, but I think somebody is behind this. Whatever this is." 

I am here. 

“Yeah, I feel that. Maybe I’m going insane, because that’s kinda likely… but I think you want something from me too.” 

What might that be?

“I don’t know. I don’t even know who you are, let alone what you could possibly be after.”

It would be nice if you stayed intact.

Amanda huffs her way over to disconnect the trickle charger from the terminals in Samuels’ chest. “A real Samaritan.”

I am being honest. I want you safe. I… 

“You what?" 

Nothing.

“Okay buddy, maybe it’s best to pump the breaks before you freak me out. Don’t get me wrong, you’re cool, whoever you are, and if you ever show yourself we can go for a beer or something. But I’m kind of… committed elsewhere.” 

Committed?

“Yeah.”

Oh.

“Problem?”

Not at all. I'm… happy. For you. Pause. Anyone I might know of?

“Probably not, we haven’t been on-site very long.”

Nina? A familiar sass bleeds through this notification that Amanda can almost hear. 

“What? Fuck no. I care about her too, but it’s definitely someone else.” She wipes hydraulic fluid from her hands on an old rag. An old rag that happened to be a shred of Samuels’ favourite semi-melted shirt. He looks disgusted by her actions even in his sleep. “Do- do you really think I’d be investing so much time and effort into fixing this synthetic if I didn’t- care about him? A lot?” 

Yes, you would. Because you are kind.

Amanda fights to urge to inform the stranger that she’d had to kill people before. Murder at point blank range. Leave some to die. Use human life as distraction. Instead, she turns up the radio.

“Blue Öyster Cult. Burning for you. What a solid song.” She looks over the slightly charred synthetic before her. “I’m not being at all ironic.” 

Home in the valley, home in the city;

Home isn’t pretty, ain’t no home for me;

“You know it?”

Obviously. The text is no different than usual but rings like a pompous English accent. It is a classic, I rather like it. And Bat Out Of Hell.

“Oh, my friend. You are after my heart.” 

I hope so…

“Keep hoping.” She laughs to the ceiling, tapping a hex key to the palm of her hand. “When I finally get this guy up we’re going to Earth and we’re just- just fucking hitting the road. Getting outta Dodge, or y’know. Luna. We can sleep in shitty motels and in the back of the car and I can pick up work in garages as we go. And I know I’m going to absolutely torture him with this kinda music, he’ll hate it, but I’ll find ways to make it up to him.”

I do not think he’d hate that at all. I think he’d love it, actually. 

“I don’t think he loves anything. I don’t know if he can. But here’s hoping he’ll be fond enough of me to stick around after he’s back in one piece, and out of The Company’s grubby little hands.” She realizes the irony of her words, hesitating to brush his hair back with grease stained nails. “If he doesn’t it’ll be enough knowing he’s out there somewhere. Alive, even though I miss him. Fuck, I miss him.”

The device falls silent as she presses her lips to his forehead. 

“Goodnight, Samuels. Keep ‘em crossed for tomorrow. It’s the big day.”

Her comms device vibrates in her pocket as she flops down onto the cribroom couch. Her eyelids droop, brain shutting down for the day. She decides she might just check it in the morning. 

(Goodnight, Amy. I miss you too.)

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Sixty-Two: Your Policy ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Fugaku ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

He knows it’s going to be one of those days when the first thing he hears upon arriving at work is his father saying, “Sasuke, a word.”

...wonderful. What has he managed to do wrong this time? Sighing and putting his things down at his desk, Sasuke follows Fugaku into his office, closing the door behind him in preparation of a beratement.

The patriarch takes his time, making his way around his desk before taking a seat, leaning back with steepled fingers. “I just wanted to give you a little...warning.”

Dark brows furrow. “...warning? About what?”

“As I’m sure you know, we’re been doing performance reviews the last few weeks. And a few people are, unfortunately, going to have to be let go.”

For a moment, fear flickers in his gut. He...he can’t be one of them, can he?

After a brief pause, his father offers, “...I’m afraid your secretary is one on the list of those we’ll have to let go.”

Sasuke...blinks. Blinks again. “...you’re joking.”

“I’m not. She hasn’t been performing up to our standards, my son. Now,” he goes on, holding up a hand to stop his son’s rebuttal. “I know that the two of you have a rather...complicated relationship…”

Sasuke can’t help an outright snort. Complicated, huh? Yeah, sure. If you want to call a woman desperate for both attention and social standing badgering him into sleeping with her a time or two complicated. They aren’t dating. In fact, in a lot of ways, he’s become less and less able to stand her the last few months. Her attempts to wriggle her way into his social circle (and likely leech off of him, maybe for a promotion) have largely failed, and after indulging her out of a mixture of curiosity and pity...he finds her obnoxious, self-centered, and a nuisance.

So in truth? He’s glad. But he also knows this will rock the boat. Hence the warning.

“So, I just wanted you to be aware that I will be serving her her notice this morning. And I expect a rather brilliant fireworks display,” Fugaku mutters.

“Right...you don’t happen to need any errands run this morning, do you?”

Fugaku snorts, a hint of a grin curling his lips. “No, I’m afraid not. But, Sasuke…” Leaning forward, he braces arms atop his desk. “You might want to...reconsider your policy when it comes to the people you become involved with. Secretaries are just...a recipe for disaster. If you really have to date someone in our company, try another department, will you? Give us all a little breathing room?”

“I’m not dating her,” Sasuke retorts, nose wrinkling.

“Well, whatever it is...it’s going to make this all the messier than it would have been if you’d just kept your business relationships professional,” his father bats back. “Now, you’ve got work to do.”

“So...what am I supposed to do about a secretary in the meantime?”

“I’ll have one of the girls from billing step in for a bit - then we’ll see about hiring someone full time. I’ve already started going through a few applications.”

“Do I get any say? They’ll be my secretary, after all.”

“I think this is something best left to me,” Fugaku replies dryly. “You just...worry about today for now. The rest will follow in due time.”

...maybe he has a point. “All right...thanks for the warning.”

“Figured it was only fair.”

With that grim tiding, Sasuke retreats from the office and instead heads toward his own. Maybe he can position a file cabinet against his door to bar it shut in case she tries to come in and strangle him. He might not be the reason she’s getting fired - it’s rather clear it’s her own fault - but he can picture now how she’ll be trying to spin this to make him the bad guy. Because surely she knows that the end of her career also means the end of this...whatever the hell they’ve got going on. And given how clingy she’s been...he’s really not sure what she’ll be more angry about.

All he knows is...she’ll be very, very angry. Sweet facade aside, that woman has a temper…

Closing his door and attempting to make himself look small behind his desk, he just...gets to work, occasionally glancing up to see if she’s arrived yet.

Five minutes before the day officially begins, she shows up, going about her morning routine...only to pause at an intercom from her phone he can’t hear with the door closed. Pointedly looking at his monitor, he can still feel her eyes boring through the window at him.

Here we go…

While Sasuke is sure his father will be as cordial as he can be (though his base nature is rather...gruff and unyielding), he knows there’s no avoiding the blowup. So when he swears he can feel stomping footsteps, he peers warily around the edge of his screen.

To his honest surprise, there’s no yelling, or screaming. Just a very red, purse-lipped woman collecting her things (very angrily) from her desk, shoving them into a box before making her way to the elevator.

It’s then she yells. Just a few words. Very...vulgar words that make even Sasuke flinch, the rest of the floor surely hearing it (and maybe even the entire building).

Risking a glance back up, he looks to his phone at an incoming comm. “Well...it could have been worse,” Fugaku sighs through the speaker.

“True…”

“Your temporary gal will be here in a few minutes - just give her a rundown, and she’ll be fine.”

“All right, will do.” Letting the ‘call’ end with a long sigh, Sasuke doesn’t bother to get back to work until she arrives - he’ll only have to stop and start again. Instead, he watches the window, only standing when a figure hesitantly steps up to the desk, glancing around as if in search of help.

Opening the door, he takes a moment to look her over.

She’s a bit shorter than his previous partner, and entirely different in build. Whereas the former had been rather lean and almost flat (in most regards), this one is...more rounded, with long dark hair and a heart-shaped face. Her outfit is mostly dark purples and soft blues, and he swears her eyes are huge! It’s like she looks right through him, like a doe in headlights. And unlike her predecessor, who was all edges, attitude, and temper, this one seems...soft, receptive, and attentive.

...she’s adorable.

Blinking, Sasuke balks for a moment. “You’re, uh...the temp?”

“Yes, sir. Hinata Hyūga. I’m, um...I’m from over in billing…? Mr. Uchiha asked if I could cover in light of you...losing your secretary. I hope I can be of help…!”

“I’m sure you will.” Doing his best to smooth out his facade, Sasuke puts hands in his slacks pockets, trying to look nonchalant. “All you really need to worry about is phone calls, and my schedule. Think of yourself as like...my day planner, but in person form. In all honesty, I’m not that busy - my brother’s the one who gets run more ragged. You’ll be fine, I’m sure.”

“O-okay. I’ll do my best!”

“If you need any help with the software or anything, you can ping my brother’s secretary - she’ll walk you through it. She’s an old pro, so any questions you’ve got, she can handle. And she’s super friendly, so don’t sweat it.”

“Oh, I see...thank you! I’ll do my best!”

“Hopefully we’ll get someone new in here quick so you can get back to your right department, huh?” he asks, giving a hint of a grin.

“That would be nice, yes...n-not that it’s a problem being here! In fact, I...I volunteered for it. I’ve never been in this p-part of of the building. And I thought it would be a good learning experience - to, um...to work with one of the higher ups!”

...she really needs to stop being so stupidly cute. She just...oozes charm and sweetness! It’s not fair! “Yeah, uh...well, I guess you can give it a shot and see how you like it. Guess if it’s a good fit, you could always apply for it yourself, if you wanted..”

“Oh, I...I don’t know about that.” Hinata gives a nervous giggle. “But, um...I guess we’ll see! I b-better get started. If I need anything, I’ll...I’ll ping the other secretary.”

“Or you can ask me. I dunno much about the program they use, but anything else I can probably answer if she’s busy.”

“O-okay! Thank you, sir.”

“Please, just Sasuke - sir or Mr. Uchiha are too much like my dad,” Sasuke offers, grimacing slightly.

“Oh, right! I’ll...I’ll keep that in mind. So sorry, I -”

“Nothing to apologize for, Hinata. Don’t worry so much - it’s just a temporary thing. We’ll help you get through it. Besides, we’re the ones who owe you for stepping up to the plate.”

Her cheeks flush a delicate shade of pink. “R...right. Um...okay. Well, I...I’ll see what I can get started doing!”

Sasuke gives a slight smile. “Sounds good. I better get to it, too. Holler if you need anything.”

“I-I will!”

Retreating back to his office, Sasuke sits...and buries his face in his hands with a gusty sigh. Didn’t he just get lectured about this? Why the hell did the person who showed up have to be so...so…?

...well, at least she’s only here temporarily. Knowing that tone his father used, his next assistant won’t be anyone he’ll be likely to shack up with. And...now that he thinks about it...it was Fugaku himself who suggested someone in another department, right…?

For now, though...he’s going to have to grin and bear it. The poor thing’s going to be nervous and behind enough with her new learning curve without him trying to cozy up to her and being distracting.

That’ll just...have to wait.

                                                            .oOo.

     ...I feel like I wrote something similar to this before, but...I'm getting to the point where I can't tell what's been done in this challenge, or maybe things from past events, so...if it's a bit repetitive, my bad xD But I'm exhausted and in a bit of a rush, so...this is what my brain gave me!      ...I love this trope, honestly - it's SO cliche, but...I'm a sucker for cliches, haha~ I'd like to do more if I get the chance, but y'all know how that goes by now lol      Anywho, it's late and I've got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, so best to call it a night! Thanks for reading~

[dreamerdaria]

THE 100 my thoughts of 6.07.

Well, me, finally, calmed down and rewatched the whole episode again.

The first thing is that this episode was splendid! I loved it all from first minute to the last once, basically was glued to the screen all the time.

I enjoyed the idea of space minds, because, firstly, it allows to see character deeper and feel their intention, fears and feelings through simple objects of reality, pictures, things. It also gave us a link to ‘Inception’ movie and pointed to Freudian concept of the unconscious. Besides, it also guides us to the Eric Burn theory that each person contains ‘child’, ‘adult’, ‘parent’ personality.

It was smart to use the rain as a metaphor of Clarke swings moods, chest with the code for her secret memory, also show us her dads video and Jasper glasses inside of it.

Her mind is constructed by series of locations. The reason behind is that Clarke really changed through all of her stages in life. Each one has its own meaning for her, as she grew from a young idealistic teenage girl to a grown woman, complicated and contradictory person. She became not only leader to her people, but also a parent figure. We could equate it to the thing of becoming a real mom to a child, who needs care and protection.

Clarke character this episode, her development was really thought through.

Lets try to analyze main locations.

First, we should compare how Clarkes personalities are connected with each stage of action. Second, we ll try to have a general concept of each mind space.

1.Spaceship

This place is where all Clarke memories lies, her story. I guess its just a hard drive to the whole computer, shortly her brain. There she is represented as ‘the princess on the spaceship’ and also as Wanheda, also as The Clarke ‘Madis mother’ ( Read it that way ‘child’, ‘adult’, ‘parent’) . These three parts of her personality show us the two parts of Clark, the peaceful one, rebelious one, guilty one. It’s her three sides, which are struggling to fight each other to prevail in behavior. She still has her child hopes. She still tries to be rigidity and consistency in her solutions. She now is accepting her responsibility, drowning in a blame for her decisions.

The Clarke on the spaceship is the Clarke, who believes that there is so much more than survival and fighting for life. She appears to be the most vulnerable one. Wanheda has the power of being more dark for the purpose of the survival and life. She is the dark side of Clarke who was formed by conditions of her living. Clarke from season 5 and 6 is Clarke who is trying find a peace for herself as a human, suffering inside from two sides of her world.

The lights and the colors in this mind space are truly melancholic and blue. I feel her depression and longing for sadness through this location. Clarke at the moment does not feel right at all, she is feeling down and she is losing hope.

2. The forest

Its totally the most dark place, therefore dark lights and night forest as the symbol of loss and deprivation. Its kinda blurry here too. The ruined throne of Lexa is her pain, which hides under the layers of self-control. There she loses her hope after fake memories of Bellamy. He is still that person, who has that strength and hope for her which she seeks. He is her last pillar of energy to survive and live, as the leader of her people. Because of him shes still trying.

‘You still have hope?”

‘Were still breathing’

But after the fake memories, she doesnt see any benefit to live as someone who can look for her people. Shes already dead, why bother?

3. The fighting pits and the Mountain weather.

Sharp and bright light. The fighting pits is another symbol of her guilt, though Bellamy forgave her, she coudnt do it herself. She didnt win her war with her demons. The BloodRena represent rage, anger for herself, crawled inside Clark. The Maya is the sigh of her moral system confused, her inner guilt for what she thought she would never have done as a child on Spacekru ship.

4. The home

The place where Clark feels most safe, focused and calm. Warm,

light colors and drawings not from her memories, bur from her feelings. The most significant drawings are Ebby, Madi and Bellamy. Its her family now. There she meets Monthy, there she finds her dad alive.

Its her heart in this home.

Her last hope is to live for Madi, as Monty reminds her. To be a mother to a child she raised. I mean, obviously, Madi is the last reason, why Monty as her mind protection appears. Monty was her friend, who truly figured that sometimes good and evil are twisted, and having burden of blood hands doesnt mean ure a bad person, but still means that its the best way to live and find peace.

There she is a ‘parent’.

Anyway, this Clark destination is to forgive herself and to start create something new through the ashes, to find something beside Madi, her people and Bellamy to live for. To heal and become more balanced.

Whats about Josephine?

Her line is connected to Clarke one, as their minds are tangled.

Let me say one thing, she is really hell of sociopath. I do not hate her as a character, but I do see the motivation of her behavior.

The thing is that in Josephine minds her father is the really important figure, affecting her the most through all stages of life. His voice is everywhere, in the library(her voice from childhood memories, calling him. reading letters). Through the door. He is shouting ‘The Sanctum is mine’. This pair could be compared to Odin and Hela relationship. Same spirit there.

Her brain structure is the library, completely rationalized and sorted. She doesnt feel mercy or regret, pity or happiness, pain or pleasure. She doesnt understand human emotions, as she is not able to comprehend them fully. By all sort, she is freaking genius(knows various language, deep in biology and science, gifted for art) but by the cost of her mental disorder. In her memories she adored herself so much that she could stop drawing her first body. She doesnt know what moral is. Its a blurry concept for her.

Her moral is to provide herself the immortality on all costs. She doesnt find it right or wrong to murder, to betray, to tortue. She doesnt care about anything but about herself. Not life of a newborn baby, her friends lover, her father could prevent her from achieving the goal. Its truly frighting and dreadful. She shouldn't be in the lead at all.

Read this to insure yourself that Jo is in fact sociapath https://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html.

And she knows that. Her hidden thing is the awareness on that. She doesnt accept it at all. She is savoring it, not trying to control or to restrict herself. Its caused by the trauma of guy who kills himself , but still not completely.

I also liked the referral to the predator behavior( dialogue of J and R, when they are haunting Clark), as the main concept of Lightbourne views.Besides, they regard science as the God for them, it means the complete refusal to moral question and ethics.

Josephin: I studied all species, insects are almost fascinated me the most,...ruthless. People theyre so messy, theyre too emotional.

Josephin: You, nulls, are more than worthless, you all don have positive value. You are less the useless. U delude the bloodlines...

So on.

From Clarks side theres a lot of talking whats right or what wrong, even with ALLIE. What defines God.

Its not a coincidence that she tells Monty about the God question, overshadowing Lightbournes things. About connection of moral and real life.

‘I dont want to decide for everyone, Just for myself’

Its a good thrust that through her mind projection of Monty she still thinks:

The end does not justify the means

Murder is still murder, whatever it brings after, peace or war.

She doesnt devalues the human life. Thats why Clarke is the best leader from the start. Her moral compass is always there to remind her that leadership should be based on clean hands, true intentions to help and grow, not in dark night, but in the light of a new day.

Clark also says: ‘Theres no joy without pain’.

For me, it sums up all of her personality. Meaning - to have something good, first sacrifice. To earn happiness you should feel the real anguish. But even after the pain, you are capable of finding hope and peace. Thats why she agrees to go with Monty and fight J.

That what differs Clark from Lightbourne.

She is still in a process of defining what decisions shed like to make, what person she should be. She senses and appreciates.

Lightbournes are in stagnation there.

The last few senconds

Bellamy is just the ‘heart’ all over the place. He is back to his natural statue.

That means head and the heart in work, which, I remind you, always the best.

Thanks for reading.

All the love :)

[captainpikeachu]

my crimes of grindelwald review

so some time back, people were asking me about my feels regarding this movie, i didn’t put out a review then because i was still thinking things through and rewatching the movie and re-reading the screenplay

but now that it’s been some time since the movie opened, i feel like i’m at a good place to be sure of my feelings about the film

to put it simply:

am i going to watch it a million times and scream about my feels? YES.

do i think that it is a good film? NO.

------------------------------------

the good:

the visuals of course are amazing, these FB films have a sense of confidence in its visual flair and that’s not shocking given that most of the people working on these films have been doing films in this world for like over a decade

the performances are great, whenever the cast is allowed to have their little interactions, they nail it and make the most of what they are given

the beasts are frankly the best parts of anything, they’re cute and adorable and amazing and i wish this whole film series actually was focused on the beasts

Newt and Theseus’ relationship thankfully was not one of jerky older brother bullying younger brother, no, Theseus is actually a great and caring older brother and their hugs are everything

Jacob is a joy to watch always

Newt and Tina's salamander eyes moment LOL

Jude Law is a great young Dumbledore

the bad:

this screenplay of JKR’s unfortunately exposes the weakness of her ability as a screenwriter, it is not focused, and three million things are happening at the same time as we jump from location to location to location - this all works well in novel format, as we are able to more space to explore more things, but in a script, it doesn’t work, there is no space - this in turn ends up with backstories that could be useful but is never explained, things that would actually flesh out character reasons and actions that are left on the cutting room floor

as I said once to a friend of mine about this movie, it’s like JKR made this huge great amazingly rich feast with so many delicious dishes but every time you take a bite or two from a dish, it’s then snatched away from you - so you get a tiny taste of everything but never the actual rich meal - and yes, I am fully aware that COG is only part two of a story, but the lack of focus and some very thin characters makes the film on its own, just not well done - a part two in a series should also be a complete story on its own

for example, while I am grateful that there wasn’t much Leta/Theseus/Newt drama, JKR not focusing on any of that just then makes me wonder what is even the point of saying Leta is engaged to Theseus? We get the tiniest glimpse of Leta and Theseus as a couple and then she just dies in this film - this was what I mean when I say thin characters or the feeling of a meal being snatched away - we are never explained how Theseus and Leta met, why did they choose to get married, or does Theseus know that Newt had feelings for Leta? A backstory of Leta and Theseus’ relationship would have done wonders to elevate both Theseus and Leta as supporting characters. This film focuses on Leta and Newt having a bond, even going back as showing their years at Hogwarts together, and that’s all great and all, but then why did Leta chose to marry Theseus? This movie is trying to tell me they have a great bond, yet Leta wants to marry Newt’s brother? Why? But that’s the issue, Theseus and Leta’s relationship is just there and never explained. So then what is the point of all this supposed love triangle if it is left up so ambiguous with one side of the relationship just never explained or shown? The fact that they fridged Leta in the end....*shakes head*

another example is Nagini and Credence - Credence’s whole plot in the movie is just leave the circus, find information about his family, go to the tombs, and then join Grindelwald, and Nagini is literally just a tag along with no discerning plot of her own - it’s like they just tagged her in because Credence couldn’t very well be moody and talk to himself so he needed a person to do exposition to - we are not shown how Credence came back, we are not shown how he and Nagini met and why did they become friends enough to escape together - we are simply just told that they know each other and just accept it - but then, Credence pretty much just dumps her for Grindelwald and leaves, again a female character is all but given nothing to do

and then there’s the Queenie and Jacob thing - *sighs* - I adored that relationship in the first film but Queenie’s actions in this film crosses a line that I honestly don’t know if there is redemption for - while everyone might shrug off the love potion thing because “well Jacob loves her” - but let’s think about how that scene would look if a man put a love potion on a woman to keep her wanting to marry him, no, we wouldn’t think very kindly on that, so the fact that it’s a woman doing it to a man shouldn’t make it any less a disgusting act, and saying that Queenie did it for love really doesn’t make it any better, it in fact paints her character as a selfish and manipulative person who doesn’t care about people’s consent, that she just does whatever she wants or thinks is best for her - case in point, she literally joins a man whom 9 months ago SENTENCED HER SISTER TO DEATH AND ALMOST KILLED HER - maybe this is just me, but if someone did that to my only family, I would never listen to anything that someone had to say - and the implications of a Jewish woman siding with Wizard Hitler? Yeah....no thanks....

Tina is another character whom suffers in this film’s problem with treatment of its female characters, she is literally given no plot of her own, again, like Nagini, it’s like she’s just tagged onto Newt’s story, and while they have a cute adorable moment that I love, she is not given a center stage spotlight to shine

and here leads to the other issue - there are way too many characters in this movie that JKR does not how to juggle and balance in a screenplay - it’d be one thing if this was a novel, but in a three act screenplay, she ends up having to sacrifice so many characters’ depth - this movie feels like three different movies are happening at the same time but each other is given little focus - this problem wasn’t a prevalent issue in the first FB movie because we had the core four characters that our story focused and followed - but in COG, that’s not the case anymore, we are no longer following the core four, it’s more like core 10 but they’re all over the place in their own little movies - the only time this movie had a focus was the last 30 min with everyone going to the tombs for the rally, the plot meanders until we reach that point

and then I have to touch upon the issues of canon - now this doesn’t make or break a movie, I’m not so attached to canon that a whole movie is ruined, but this break in canon does present a problem - is JKR just retconning her own stories now? I like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but certain decisions in her storytelling lately have made me iffy on that - the whole Aurelius Dumbledore thing doesn’t really matter to me, I think that one can be explained away eventually and I’m sure JKR has an explanation so I can wait on that, my only problem with the reveal is how it was presented, out of the blue with no set up - this wasn’t a little clues laid down and AHA! moment, but it literally comes out of nowhere as a shock moment only because there is no canonical ground laid for it - we never see Grindelwald even bringing anything up about something like that even in the first FB film, in fact, Grindelwald spent most of that movie convinced that Credence was just a squib. It’s a big twist sure, but a twist that nobody could have predicted because no one knowing canon would have even thought about that? And then there’s the whole McGonagall thing, my brain hurts thinking about it and the only explanation is that time turners are involved, as much as I hate bringing up time travel again in HP, it’s the only explanation. I want to think that JKR isn’t that bad at keeping track of her own canon. Like I said, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

other things:

Grindelwald still looks like a bleached pineapple

#JusticeForAntonio and for the family and that baby Grindelwald also murdered

#WhereIsTheRealPercivalGraves - seriously, HOW IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS OR GIVING ME ANY ANSWERS? IS HE ALIVE? IS HE ON VACATION? IS HE HIDING IN A CIRCUS WITH A FLYING ELEPHANT CALLED DUMBO?????

that opening escape thing was great to watch but logistically makes no sense, what was the point of going back to get Abernathy when you could just escape already.........unless Grindelwald just did it to be extra, which I guess he would

Yusuf and Leta and the whole thing with their mother...eh...I think people more of an expert in the problematic racial tropes have spoke better on this issue than i ever could

i really wished they just stuck to a series about beasts instead of dragging in the Grindelwald and Dumbledore drama/war - why not just let that be its own series where then you get a good focus

------------------------------

look, fact is, you give me a wizarding world movie, i’m gonna watch it and be happy and watch it a million more times because I love this world so much, i have all the books, the merch, been to the wizarding world like more than a few dozen times, this world is life

but as someone who has a degree in screenwriting...this script was just...not good at all, and it further shows that JKR is a great novelist but not necessarily a great screenwriter - I can only hope that maybe she will get another screenwriter to help her with the focus, maybe get Steve Kloves back since they have worked together - it’s great in a novel to have so many characters in a story, but there is a reason on screen even in the HP movies, they chose to move and combine certain characters into one because you didn’t want so many characters to eat up the screentime and focus - this is JKR’s main problem right now, and the fact that her female characters in this film were not treated well

i hope that the next few films improve, but either way i’m still gonna watch them of course

[foundcarcosa]

ccc.

1. Favorite childhood book? >> (Three hundred surveys posted to this blog, wow. --I mean, over the course of nearly a decade I’ve probably filled out at least ten thousand, but.) I think that distinction would have to go to The Phantom Tollbooth. It’s one of the only books I remember owning, probably because I’d paged through it so many times. I also modified all the illustrations with pen so that Milo looked like a woman. 2. What are you reading right now? >> Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine -- more like limping through it, because I stopped setting aside time specifically for reading so I just end up grabbing a half a chapter here and there. I’ll have to do something about that. I’d started The Poisonwood Bible a while ago, too, but I keep forgetting to continue it. 3. What books do you have on request at the library? >> I rarely borrow books from the library unless they’re e-books because of my tendency to have to repeatedly renew and eventually take it back before I’m finished because I ran out of renews. 4. Bad book habit? >> Not reading. 5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? >> I don’t, for the reasons stated above. But for all the shit I talk about Grand Rapids, it has a lovely main branch, so I’ll probably end up stopping in again soon, maybe spending a few hours there for a change of scenery.

6. Do you have an e-reader? >> I have a phone, which functions as my e-reader. I also have a Kindle, but between its wack amount of storage space and its quick-draining battery, it’s been relegated to the position of glorified mousepad at this point. (It’s too bad, because I like the screen size.) 7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? >> Two or three at once. I think it’s interesting to see if/how they subconsciously weave themselves together in my imagination, even if -- especially if -- they’re about completely unrelated things. 8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? >> It’s the internet in general that interferes with my reading habits, not just tumblr, but tumblr obviously plays a part. 9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) >> I quit on Cormac McCarthy’s The Road like 10 pages in, and I don’t usually do that but for some reason I got bored really quickly and couldn’t see the point in pushing through. That’s not a total vote in its disfavour because I didn’t actually form a full opinion. Sometimes I just pick up a book at the wrong time and have to wait until I reach the point in my life when I’ll need it. I’ll probably try again in a couple of years. 10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? >> I really enjoyed Reincarnation Blues, I thought it was an amazing story. I also got a lot out of M. K. Asante Jr’s It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop. When the Stars Are Right by Scott R Jones was fascinating as hell, and then of course there was my long-overdue (or maybe right-on-time, considering...) American Gods reread... 11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? >> Occasionally. The thing is, there are so many books in my comfort zone that I want to read... 12. What is your reading comfort zone? >> I don’t know if it’s quantifiable. I like a lot of different kinds of books. I usually know within 10-15 pages of a book if I’m going to like it or not -- I try not to judge books by their covers, but I definitely judge them by their first chapter. 13. Can you read on the bus? >> Sometimes, but I generally prefer to listen to music and look out the window.

14. Favorite place to read? >> In bed. 15. What is your policy on book lending? >> I’ll give books away. Just take it, read it. Pay it forward. I don’t like to hoard books. 16. Do you ever dog-ear books? >> Hell yes, I do. They’re not a sacred object to me; their contents may well be sacred, but their contents already exist in me because I ate them.  17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? >> Nah. 18. Not even with text books? >> I don’t use textbooks. 19. What is your favorite language to read in? >> I can only read in English. 20. What makes you love a book? >> It’s a very visceral and subconscious thing, and it’s not dependent on genre or the politics of the author or any of that as much as it’s dependent on who I am at that moment in time, what story I need to hear, and how lovingly the author told it. That sounds like it only applies to fiction books, but it really doesn’t.  21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? >> Some level of understanding of the person I’m recommending it to. 22. Favorite genre? >> I don’t know, honestly. 23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) >> I wish I read more science fiction. The thing is, most of the scifi stories I love I kind of stumbled into accidentally. Whenever I go looking for scifi specifically, I run into a lot of duds (not that they’re badly written or anything, just that they’re bad for me). I’m going to try Philip K Dick soon and I hope that works out okay. 24. Favorite biography? >> I don’t have one. 25. Have you ever read a self-help book? >> Sure, but I don’t make a habit of it.

26. Favorite cookbook? >> I don’t have one. Well, okay, Feeding Hannibal is pretty cool, ngl, but mostly for the information rather than the actual recipes. We can’t afford to (or don’t have the room/appliances to) make most of that stuff. 27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? >> Definitely American Gods, but that’s a hard-to-explain thing, lol. The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are is a good runner-up, because as far as inspiration is concerned, Alan Watts probably had more than his fair share of it. (Do comic books count, because if so I’d like to also add in Promethea.) 28. Favorite reading snack? >> Alcohol. (But also anything I can eat with one hand, or doesn’t require a lot of, like, attention.) 29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. >> I don’t think that’s ever happened. 30. How often do you agree with critics about a book? >> I don’t read critic reviews often enough to know what the ratio of agreement to disagreement would even be like. 31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? >> A negative review is just as valuable as a positive review. I’d prefer people not be nasty in their negative reviews, but like... I also don’t have to read their review if I don’t like it. It’s not that big of a deal to me. 32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? >> Russian, probably. I imagine untranslated Russian lit would be amazing to read. 33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? >> And actually finished? Ha! Let’s see... as far as length, I’d probably pick whatever the longest Stephen King book that I’ve read is. (He meanders, man. He fucking meanders. It’s great, but dear god.) As far as content, I’m probably gonna go with Atlas Shrugged. For, I mean, obvious reasons, really. 34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? >> That doesn’t really happen to me. If I want to read something, I’ll start reading it. If it proves prohibitive to my limited ability to understand shit, then I’ll put it down and move on. 35. Favorite poet? >> I don’t have one. 36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time? >> Zero. When I do check out from the library, I stick to three books max. 37. How often have you returned book to the library unread? >> Quite often. Usually because I ran out of time. 38. Favorite fictional character? >> YEAH, OKAY. 39. Favorite fictional villain? >> Actually that is almost impossible for me to determine because I don’t even put the “villain” flag on characters unless it’s super fucking obvious (like in a comic book) that they’re supposed to be the Token Bad Guy. I just don’t even think in those terms. -- Now that I say that, though, I remembered that Stephen King characters are written very polarised despite my personal interpretations of them, so I suppose my favourite villain is Walter O’Dim. 40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually have time to read on vacation. Unless it’s on the plane or something, in which case I just bring whatever I happen to be reading at the time. It’s usually on my phone, anyway. 41. The longest I’ve gone without reading. >> I mean, I don’t go a day without reading something, even if it’s just articles I saw on my facebook feed. 42. Name a book that you could/would not finish. >> Fifty Shades of Grey. (I did try. I wrote detailed posts about my thoughts during my attempt to read it. They’re still on my old blog.) 43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? >> Everything. It’s just hard for me to turn the “noise” (literal and figurative noise) of the world off in general, which is why I like it quiet when I’m trying to focus. 44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? >> Well, LOTR. I was going to say Predestination but All You Zombies isn’t a novel. Uhh.... :/ 45. Most disappointing film adaptation? >> Good god, so many. 46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? >> Around $100, I guess. I don’t have much money in general so I try to just... avoid bookstores. 47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? >> I don’t. The first-chapter test usually works just fine. 48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? >> Boredom. 49. Do you like to keep your books organized? >> Well, we don’t own enough for a complex system to be required. 50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? >> I really prefer to give them away. It’s just... I’m not a hoarder (I don’t even mean that in the negative sense, I just mean I don’t like hanging onto stuff I’m not actively using). I spent just about all of my adult life up until 2 years ago homeless or some version of transient and having to be ruthlessly exacting about how many belongings I had at any given time really changed the way my brain works regarding material items. I love being able to own things now, but it’s... hard to enjoy having too many objects. I get tetchy. It feels inorganic. Maybe that’ll change in the future (these things often do), but for now owning more than 20 or so books feels like an overindulgence. 51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? >> I don’t think so. 52. Name a book that made you angry. >> I can’t think of one right now. 53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? >> The Fountainhead. Any Rand book, actually, because Vlad couldn’t stand her and we had such similar tastes in media that I figured I wouldn’t either. But the immense amount of annoying peer pressure from Sigma eventually got me to pick it up just to get them off my back, and..... well, the rest is hilarious “I’m in love with a crazy Russian woman who makes me want to yell at her constantly” history. 54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? >> I don’t know. That doesn’t happen very often. 55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? >> All of it? I don’t feel guilty about anything I read.

[forestwater87]

JERMY FARTZ (S2E4) MASTERPOST: NO BREAKING INTO PARTS, WE SCROLL LIKE MEN

I laugh at that name every time, and I’m not even sorry.

So I haven’t touched the 2 latest episodes because I’m lazy, but this was so much fun that I had to devote some time screaming to it! So get ready kids, because there is screaming (and spoilers) below the cut.

Though first: someone who’s never seen Camp Camp tell me what’s going on in this picture:

This episode has my favorite people. As in, Gwen and David. Yeah, there’s gonna be a lot of them in this post, and I’m not even sorry.

But first! Have some squished Nikki:

I love her.

FACE DOWN BOOTY UP

THAT’S THE WAY WE LIKE TO —

. . . Moving on.

Can we take a moment to appreciate Max’s sassy little wrist flip?

Also can someone explain to me how Camp Campbell won anything athletic against the Woodscouts? That seems to defy logic.

There are so many good things going on in this picture, but the most exciting is that GWEN IS SMILING! ACTUALLY SMILING FOR REAL!

Don’t believe me? Look at this saucy little zoom in:

LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS! Also, if we can indulge me for a moment (and I’d like to see you stop me): She’s not smiling because of the game. She’s not smiling because the kids are happy.

That smile is 100% aimed at David.

Girl’s in love, is all I’m saying.

Nikki, what the fuck are you doing?

A lot of this is going to literally just be a dumping ground for pictures I think are cute, because I still don’t really understand what a “masterpost” is. So in that vein, Max is cute. Space Kid, in the background: also cute.

Man, they kinda look like they’re reenacting a super low-budget version of West Side Story, huh? 

But I feel like it needs more ~camp.~

THERE WE GO! Thanks, David. Always there to sparkle things up when I need you.

One of the reasons I can’t stand Pikeman — besides the, y’know, all of him — is how he makes David sad. Look at David’s sad sad face and tell me you don’t wanna punch this twerp just a little bit.

Then again, he also makes Max make this face, and this is a great face.

Allow me to deposit in front of your eyeballs some Davids:

There we go! Aren’t we all feeling a little bit better now?

I HEARD MY BOYFRIEND COWORKER WAS BEING AN IDIOT AND CAME AS FAST AS I COULD!

Honestly, “Gwen desperately trying to stop David from doing something really stupid” is one of my favorite dynamics. They continue to be everything I need in life. Looking at this picture caused 75 new Forestwater Gwenvid stories to appear in the AO3 feed. (Ha, no. Wouldn’t that be awful?)

She so badly wants to save him (and her, let’s be real) from himself and I love it.

And that’s the moment you realize David is an incurable idiot. (Who totally gambles because Mr. Campbell does it and he wants to be like dad.)

I don’t even have anything to say, I just love this picture to pieces. Every expression is gold.

Here are some cute Davids:

And OH MY GOD LOOK AT MAX’S FACE:

LOOKIT HIM

HE LOOKS LIKE FUCKING GRUMPY CAT I’M WHEEZING

I’m not sure what’s the best thing about this: Gwen’s face, how proud David is, or the fact that literally everyone is just d o n e with his bullshit.

(Just kidding. The answer is always Gwen.)

I have a moral conflict regarding her, because on the one hand I want nothing more than for her to be happy, but on the other . . .

look

how great

her angry faces are.

Also take a moment and appreciate David. I think something valuable gets broken in his brain this episode, because he makes this face for a solid 45% of it.

Though I mean . . . I’m not complaining. It’s a damn cute face, and he looks like a sad kitten.

(Do I relate all things I find adorable to kittens? Mayhap.)

1) Gwen is precious. I feel like this is a given at this point but will continue to point it out because I have a need to.

2) What is up with David’s center of gravity? Am I the only person who wouldn’t be able to balance like that?

Let me show you: an emotional breakdown in 4 pictures:

This is not a well woman, guys. She’s not holding on to her chill even a little bit.

(Also the way David looks down at his chest after she pokes him in it, like he’s saying “me?” I love him so much, guys. He is kitten.)

Davey trying to win the family over with sweet dance moves and a charming smile.

It doesn’t work.

Though Lordy, I literally made a goose-like honk at Gwen’s face.

(It’s at this point, at 11 p.m. on a work night, that I decided not to break this up into separate parts like I did for the first episode. This might be a terrible idea.)

(Editing this at almost 1 a.m. on a work night: It was a terrible idea.)

These 3 pictures are less than 2 seconds apart. I fucking love the animation on this show.

(And hey, it’s my icon! Hi icon!)

Why is beat-up David so attractive? Is it me? Am I just a monster?

Not a single face here isn’t great. These beautiful babes.

So the general plot of this episode (not that you come here for plot synopses. You come here for pictures and lots of screaming) is that everyone at camp has to be nice for 24 hours or they have to surrender their best camper to the Woodscouts.

It . . .

. . . doesn’t come naturally to them.

Wait, no. This is the picture I want described by someone who’s never seen Camp Camp before.

I cropped out what they’re reacting to in this shot.

That’s because I love you.

(Starting to regret this whole “not breaking into parts thing.” Will I be weak enough to cave? Who knows?)

(Editing note: Nope! I wasn’t! Oops!)

Is it me, or is Max more expressive this season? Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention previously, but it seems like his faces are way more entertaining in these most recent episodes.

In an epic battle of who can be the most charming while leaning, Nikki goes for a classic jazz hands approach that’s sure to impress the judges, Neil opts for a safe routine with minimal leaning but excessive raptor arms (points for originality), and Space Kid brings home the gold because he looks like an old-timey farmer holding up invisible suspenders/overalls, and that’s not easy to accomplish while wearing a space suit made out of cardboard and underwear.

Observe: 3 Very Angry Beans. You can tell they’re Very Angry Beans because of their Very Angry Mouths. Approach with caution.

I would die for David. Just wanted to throw that out there.

I wish I didn’t find Max’s suffering so adorable. (Editing note: I also wish I used a thesaurus. Oh well. Hope you like variations on the word “adorable!”)

Then again, I wish I was asleep and also I’d like some carrot cake, so it’s just an evening/early morning of disappointments.

Why golly, is it time for more Gwen faces?! I believe it is!

AWOOOOOOO

WEREWOLVES OF CAMP CAMP

shut up I think I’m funny

David’s making The Face. The Face that makes me think something’s broken inside him, because he makes it throughout this entire scene with very few exceptions.

But again, it’s a great face.

(Also look at Nikki and Gwen sizing each other up. Isn’t it cute?)

I think my favorite thing about this episode is, like in S2 Ep. 3 — which I’ll get to eventually! — we see Gwen genuinely does care. This is more than just a paycheck for her; she wants the kids to be happy and respect each other, she wants them to learn and even have fun (provided that fun isn’t ruining her life). She’s worried about Jermy, and she trusts and respects the campers to understand what she thought they were doing that was uncool and why.

She’s actually good at her job, and at any other camp she might even enjoy it to some extent. She’s just been very beaten down by the Campbell kids to the point of apathy and, ahem, “crippling anxiety and regret.”

Basically Gwen’s what happens when Max succeeds at what he was trying to do to David all season 1.

Pfft. Cute. I love Jermy just for the suffering he inflicts on the mains. (Also he’s surprisingly aware of what a disaster he is, without being depressed about it. I can respect that.)

David’s making that face again.

Why does he keep making that face?

David’s brain might have gone all Blue Screen of Death, but Gwen’s actually sets on fire:

I feel like maybe I should take back what I said about her being good at her job. She’s still not great with kids, okay? 

But she cares. That’s the important part.

I don’t know if Petrol will get the credit he deserves for this episode, but he’s just pure comedic gold. Every time he shows up it’s fucking funny.

The Most Important Things in Forestwater’s Life Right Now: A Triptych

David’s face

David’s moonwalking

Gwen’s face

(Also: Petrol. Continuing to make me giggle way too loud and disturb my neighbors.)

If you’ll forgive me a little shipping (and if you’ve scrolled this far, I think it’s pretty clear you’ll forgive basically anything): Look at her soul-crushing despair. That is a face you give someone when you’re close enough to communicate to them without a word.

Okay, I mean what she’s communicating is “kill me,” but I still think it counts. You don’t give that kinda eye contact to a casual acquaintance, is all I’m saying.

I feel like I haven’t properly communicated how much I love every expression this woman makes.

Is that clear yet?

Look how proud David is that his babies are participating!

This is entirely for @hopefullypessimistic84, who could always use a cute Nerris in her life.

MAX

MY BOY

My favorite part about the next few pictures is how you can clearly see every thought in Gwen’s head as she’s thinking it.

“All right, you’ll be fine. Just think positive! Be David!”

“Okay no, don’t be David. Never be David. But remember how much you like not living with your parents! Do it for the rent money!”

“Yeah, look at you, girl. You got this!”

“Please don’t let David or Max fuck this up.”

“Oh, Christ.”

“Oh, CHRIST.”

“Literally no one else is gonna take care of this shit. This is your job. You HAVE to.”

“Still better than living with your parents. Technically.”

Petrol continues to be very very good.

Max pulling out his hair in frustration at having to be nice is a beautiful thing and I want more of it.

He is an angry elf.

NURF! BABY! Why are you sad? You did such a good art! You should be so happy!

Please don’t cry, Nurf. I love you.

This shot is also for HopefullyPessimistic, and I hope she appreciates it because it was really hard to get. Nerris was onscreen for like 2 seconds and the cup was in her face for most of it.

Petrol.

Is.

Hilarious.

He somehow became one of my favorite characters? How the fuck did that happen?

This show is sometimes just so pretty, guys.

Pfft.

Some brief Preston appreciation, because I don’t pay him enough attention. With an appearance by Petrol.

1) David is pure and beautiful.

2) Gwen is fucking done. With everything, but especially David.

3) QM is . . . what’s he doing to his hand? Because it really looks like he’s ripping off his fingernail. That’s . . . I mean, I don’t wanna tell you how to live your life, especially since I’m pretty sure you’re older than most municipalities so clearly you’re doing something right, but I feel like that’s not a great idea, my man.

I didn’t know that Max slowly losing his mind was my aesthetic, but apparently it is because these pictures make me laugh my ass off every time I see them.

Nurf has Sassy Eyebrows. 

(Editing note: My thoughts started deteriorating around midnight. You might be able to tell by the quality of my commentary.)

I’m sorry. I know Dolph is a super controversial character and all . . . but goddamn it, he’s cute as fuck. I can’t help but like him.

*Daniel neck crick*

Max is such a force to be reckoned with that a dog pile must be created to contain his rage. 

Also I’m not sure where Ered or Harrison’s heads are in that nightmare, but it can’t be comfortable. That’s some serious dedication to the cause, kids. Nikki’s clearly having the time of her life. And Space Kid . . . uh, good effort, I guess?

These are pictures of a fully-grown man mocking a child who has been put under his care. Does that make them any less adorable?

No. Such is David’s terrifying power.

Tremble before his cuteness, bitches.

“I’m an asshole!”

But he’s a daggum lovable asshole, isn’t he?

Max’s relief at finally being able to call David a moron and tell him to suck a dick . . . I don’t wanna say he looks like a happy kitty.

Just know I’m thinking it very very loudly.

What a sweet child.

Final Petrol appreciation: he still has the whistle in his mouth. He is a good and loyal boy.

It’s The Face.

Again.

(Gwen is lovely. As usual.)

Look at this smug motherfucker. He even makes this little “hmm” noise which is so cute, like everything worked out the way he’d planned it. Anyone who says David isn’t a dick isn’t watching the show closely enough. He’s a selfish douchebag a lot of the time and it’s one of the best things about him.

Yes, Gwen. That is the appropriate reaction. (Also she backhanded him. That was no open-palm affair; that’s knuckles in his cheekbone. Gwen’s cold.)

Oh, and sorry about the volume slider. If it wasn’t 12:30 in the morning I’d totally fix that.

David makes a sad little “eunghh” sound when she hits him. It is also too precious for words.

Look at his hair floof! Look how it floofs!

(there is a nervous giggle here. I melted)

I once saw a man so beautiful I started crying?

Something these pictures will never be able to accurately communicate:

1) The way there’s this lovely light 1980s-sitcom Very Special Episode music playing in the background, like David’s going to impart a moral. (Spoiler: he doesn’t)

2) The way Miles’ voice kept cracking like a fa — a bunch of pine birch sticks this whole episode. You might be surprised to find that I think it’s adorable. I’m not sure how you possibly could be surprised by that, but you might be.

“Maybe I AM an asshole.”

“Just . . . sometimes, okay?! Sometimes!”

The best moral and possibly my new favorite line to randomly quote.

LOOK AT THE BLUSHY BOY

LOOK HOW HANDSOME HE IS

HOW PURE

HOW FLUSTERED

WATCH HIM STORM OFF WITH THAT LITTLE ANGRY POUT

HE’S PROBABLY OFF TO ANGRY-CRY AND WRITE IN HIS DIARY

MAYBE CALL HIS MOM AND ASK IF SHE’S DISAPPOINTED IN HIM

HE IS THE SWEETEST

Even if I didn’t love every minute of the episode leading up to this (and I do), these last 5 seconds would absolutely skyrocket it to one of my favorites of the entire show. Just look how fucking cute this is. Look at it!

David is bad at being a person and we love him for it.

And here ends the longest, stupidest thing I’ve ever written. I’m genuinely curious to see if anyone made it all the way through. If you did . . . you deserve a cookie or something. Definitely mention in the tags or send me an ask saying you did, because I wanna know who’s almost as nerdy and lame as I am!

[a-woman-apart]

In the Pursuit

I am typing this during the most severe bout of insomnia that I have had in years. It is 4 am, and I am wide awake. Thoughts about various things flit about in my mind. For once, I am not depressed; I am simply unable to quiet my brain enough to go to sleep. Some of the things with which I am preoccupied are inane: the decorations for the “Noon Year’s Eve” party at the library, the fact that my toe socks don’t fit that well, when I’ll be able to fit in the shopping that I need to do. Mostly, my body just refuses to settle down into a comfortable position in bed. Maybe I’ve eaten too much, or had too much caffeine, or maybe it all has to do with Aunt Flo’s impending arrival.

At best, it’s a fluke, but at worst, it’s the beginning of a manic episode. I must be especially wary of changes in my sleep cycle, especially when I need much less sleep to function. Considering the fact that I slept for 12 hours (with a few interruptions) the last time I shut my eyes, it could just be that lack of structure has allowed my sleep cycle to become all the way out of whack. If I’m not careful, when I’m not in classes I can go straight-up night owl. I’ll stay awake into the wee early morning and sleep past noon.

I’m quick to check with myself and see if the insomnia is accompanied by any other manic/hypomanic symptoms like “elevated mood.” When depression is your baseline, you can become pretty suspicious of happiness. Truth be told, I have been happy and I am happy right now. Normally I would be frustrated and panicked about not being able to go to sleep, but mostly I’m calm. Sleep experts advise against spending the whole night tossing and turning, so I have been trying to get up every hour or so and distract myself before attempting to sleep again. Of course, they also advise against the blue light emitted from cell phones, televisions, and computer screens, so maybe this whole gig is counterproductive (we shall see). Either way, I’m optimistic. One “off” night doesn’t indicate that I am going over the deep end.

When thinking about my newfound joy, I keep thinking about a quote from the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness. Will Smith’s character was dwelling on the fact that in the Declaration of Independence, it says that we have the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” He said this in the movie;

“It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the ‘pursuit’ part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”

I don’t think Christopher Gardner held on to that belief about happiness- that it is something that we mostly pursue and almost never actually obtain. He certainly seemed to find joy in his life, but it wasn’t until after a whole lot of pursuit. In my case, I have done a whole lot of chasing and not a whole lot of finding, so these times when I genuinely feel restful and content are few and far between. Even when I manage to have these moments, I don’t know how I got them or where they came from, but I do have some clues.  

I have been spending a lot of time with my family. I have been down to see them nearly every week for about a month. My dad’s condition still hasn’t improved. Part of me can’t wait for these holidays to be over, because the memory of them will always be tied to seeing my dad in that terrible state. Another part of me was just so glad to be able to spend time with him. All the tension that I used to feel between us when I would go home has totally vanished. He doesn’t have much strength for conversation, but when I can talk to him, it is so different. We still don’t see eye to eye, but he’s willing to meet me halfway, and I compromise with him as well.

As for my other family members, they are a joy. We traded gifts, and this weekend I’ll be taking my sisters shopping with some money that our aunt gave me to use for their Christmas presents before she left. One of my dad’s other siblings, an uncle of mine, will also be coming to visit that weekend. I didn’t get to see him earlier this year because I was still “shunned” from the family. He is always very pleasant to be around. When I went to my older brother’s house for Christmas dinner, some of my younger siblings came over and we all played games together. I also got to spend time with my nephew and my month-old niece. I was holding her for hours, and my sister-in-law said that I had baby fever (maybe that’s true).

I’m still worried about making it into the vocal ensemble at school, and about graduation, but some of the urgency regarding these things has abated. I can feel my anxiety about community college fading into the background and my relationship with my family coming in to sharp focus. I love them so much, and spending time with them has definitely helped me with my loneliness. I really didn’t know how lonely that I really was until I would come home to an empty apartment after visiting them and feel absolutely forlorn. This time, I didn’t feel quite as isolated when I came back, because I had an extended visit with them and I know that I will be returning on Friday. I have been spending a lot on gas, but it evens out because I’ve been visiting so often that I just take my laundry over there (and sometimes my parents give me gas money). Sometimes my siblings are surprised to see me, (“Weren’t you just here last week?”) but everyone is always so welcoming.

I really see now how much I was missing out on by not going home often. To be honest I would avoid going sometimes because of my being uncomfortable with my dad, so sometimes I would spend the greater part of my visits at my older brother’s house. I just hadn’t realized how unhappy the strained relationship with my dad was making me. I have always looked up to him so much, even though there were times when I would be so angry at him. I wish that we could’ve overcome our differences under better circumstances, but I have to practice acceptance in this situation.

I have a lot to look forward to in 2018. My dad has already survived past his initial poor prognosis, so even though I haven’t noticed him getting better, I do have a spark of hope about the situation. Classes are going to resume and I will be entering my final semester at community college. My best friend is going to be flying in from out of state to visit me for an entire week. The country survived a year under one of the worst presidents it has ever had. I haven’t chosen a word for 2018, but I think it is going to be a toss-up between “adventure” and “ambition”. I have high hopes for this coming year. There will be a lot of changes, but hopefully most of them will be good. Maybe happiness is evasive, but there are always some rays of sunshine that break through the clouds.

I just need to make sure that in the tough times, I remember.

[theassassinscrook-blog]

Best Friends, No Matter What

(A Winn Schott fanfiction, acknowledging the beautiful friendship between Kara Danvers and Winn Schott)

Winn sat alone in his apartment, eyes focused blankly on the empty wall across the room from him. The daylight shining in from the windows was long gone, and the clock read '2:47AM'. His mind still raged with memories of his father, both recent and from the distant past. He had spent his entire life trying to separate himself from his father, but now he knew. Nothing he did could ever erase the truth. 

He was Winslow Schott Jr., son of Winslow Schott Sr., also known as the notorious Toyman. Now everyone knew. James, Miss Grant...Kara.

Kara.

Winn closed his eyes as he thought about her, half in pain and half in longing. Ever since he had met her, he had considered the two of them a match made in heaven. They were both undeniably kind, a little on the geeky side, and most importantly cared about others and believed in doing the right thing. 

He was in love with her, he couldn't deny it. Kara Danvers, his weakness. So many things about her made him love her. Her genuine, beautiful smile...those dark-framed glasses that she was would always push up her nose when she was concentrating...and most of all her secret identity that she first revealed to only him.

Supergirl.

Winn had kissed her earlier, as she consoled him about his father. She had been so beautiful in that light, and he just couldn't resist the temptation any longer, even knowing that she was madly in love with James Olsen. But that look that she’d had after pulling away two seconds after their lips met...Winn couldn’t wipe it out of his memory.

It had been almost...disgusted.

Winn’s tortured thoughts were interrupted as his body was unexplainably attacked by a harsh coughing fit that lasted several minutes. When it finally ceased, he was doubled over as his abdomen flared with pain and his throat burned intensely. Winn straightened up slowly before having to immediately stretch out on the couch as an agonizing headache ignited from his forehead.

He lay helplessly for a time, delirium beginning to take over his mind. He was extremely hot, and then moments later he would be unspeakably freezing. A cold sweat filtered through his body, and he shivered, teeth chattering. Winn yanked his old wool blanket that hung on the back of the sofa and threw it carelessly over his body, curling into a fetal position.

His brain ached with exhaustion and his eyelids drooped, but despite his strong desire for sleep, it just wouldn’t come. Still, he could do nothing except lie there. 

Lie there yearning for the woman who would never love him back.

“James, have you seen Winn anywhere today?” Kara asked, poking her head into the man’s office. Her cheeks flared with heat as his eyes met hers, even though most of her focus was on her best friend’s absence. She was worried about him, to say the least, especially after what had happened between them.

“Don’t think so.” James replied, his brow furrowing in concern. “You think he’s okay? Considering everything that went down recently?”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” Kara replied, once again digging out her cell phone and dialing Winn’s number again. She pressed the phone to her ear and made her way back into the hall. Miss Grant would notice her absence sooner or later. 

“Eyy, this is Winn. Leave a message.”

“Winn. This is my fifth message, where the hell are you? Miss Grant is not going to be happy if she realizes you’re missing. Call me back.”

“Keera, my office!”

Kara overheard Miss Grant’s call for assistance and she sighed, shoving her phone back into her pocket and scurrying as fast as she could to her boss’s office.

“Yes, Miss Grant?”

“Where is your little friend? I’m having trouble with my computer and I need him.” Miss Grant told her loftily, eyes not even leaving the screen as she spoke.  

“Well…” Kara began awkwardly. “I don’t know?”

That was enough to get Cat’s attention. “Then find him.” She said, staring down Kara and speaking as if it were the easiest task in the world. 

“I…uh, haven’t seen him at work today…and I’ve been kind of worried about him lately with everything about Toyman…” And our kiss. Kara thought, wincing internally at the memory as she pictured the crushed look in her friend’s eyes.

Miss Grant sighed, as if the situation was a great inconvenience, and raised her eyebrows at her personal assistant. “Very well, then, Keera, you may check up on Toyman Jr., but be back before my lunch break.”

“Yes, Miss Grant.” Kara said breathlessly, already halfway out the door.

“Winn? Winn.” Kara pounded harder on his apartment door. She’d been standing there for five minutes and he still hadn’t answered the door. She waited a second more, listening, but heard nothing from within. And then she instructed her eyes to burn, to see through to the other side. And what she saw caused a pit to form in her stomach.

Immediately, she jumped into action. Kara grabbed ahold of the door handle and pulled as hard as she could, hoping she could force it open with her brute strength. But in her panic, she pulled too hard and the entire door was ripped away from its hinges.

She barely stopped to assess the damage, rushing to her friend, who lay dead asleep and unhealthily pale on the couch with a wool blanket hanging off his unmoving body. “Oh, no…” Kara whispered, kneeling beside him. “Winn.” He didn’t stir, and she rested a hand on his shoulder, noting with relief that his chest still moved up and down in the steady rhythm of sleep. “Hey.” She shook him gently, trying to coax him to consciousness. “Winn, wake up.” His eyelids fluttered slightly, but didn’t open.

Kara then noticed the sheen of sweat that coated his face, and she pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. “Oh, Winn…you’re burning up.” She murmured to her sleeping friend. “Okay…” Kara said to herself, abandoning her effort to wake him and instead taking action to care for him. She took a pillow and gently lifted his head, which rested only against the uncomfortable arm of the sofa, and propped him up a bit against the pillow. Kara grabbed hold of the blanket that was nearly falling off him and once more settled it across his legs and over his chest, tucking it at the sides so it stayed in place.

Even these two simple actions caused him to relax it seemed, and Kara smiled sadly down at him for a few precious seconds. After settling a damp, cool cloth against Winn’s flaming forehead, Kara pulled a chair up beside him and fished out her phone, dialing James’s number and settling back.

The other man picked up immediately. “Kara? Where are you? Cat’s been asking for you.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Kara grumbled, trying to keep her voice low. “Listen…she sent me out to find Winn, and he’s not doing so hot. He’s got a fever, and I’m worried it could be the flu. Could you do me a favor and tell Cat I’m calling in for the day? I can deal with the consequences tomorrow. 

“Of course. Let him know that I tell him to feel better, okay?"

“Thank you, James.” Kara said, smiling slightly before ending the call and focusing on Winn again. I think condolences from James is the last thing he'd want to hear. Already she could see color returning to his face, but he showed no signs of waking anytime soon. Kara was glad for that. If he was sick, he needed all the rest he could get.

And she would be there for him when he woke up.

 It was a couple hours before Winn began to surface to consciousness. He had slipped into an even deeper sleep after Kara had made sure he was cared for and comfortable, and she had been convinced that he would sleep all day.  

So when his eyes slowly opened, glazed with fever and exhaustion, Kara could help but huff out in surprise. But she immediately lowered her voice to speak to him as his eyes focused on her 

“Hey, Winn…” Kara murmured softly, gently pressing the back of her hand to his forehead. It was still sweltering and his body seemed to be radiating heat. 

“Wha’s happenin’...? Kara?” Winn mumbled. “Is this a dream? Are you real?” 

Kara laughed lightly. “Quite real, I assure you.” She tenderly brushed his sweat-soaked strands from his forehead and rested her fingers in his hair. “How do you feel?”

“Sleepy…” He replied quietly, his voice almost inaudible. His eyes were half-open, but still focused on her. He coughed laboriously and sniffed, wincing as if his head ached terribly.

“Can you stay awake for a few minutes?” Kara asked. He gave a small nod and Kara stood. “You have any chicken noodle soup?”

“Want chicken wild rice…” Winn muttered, eyes closed all the way now. Kara let him doze off again as she made her way into the kitchen. It only took a couple minutes for her to pour the soup and heat it up with her heat vision. In seconds, it was steaming. 

Winn was half asleep as she fed him the soup. He only powered through about six spoonfuls before he turned his head away in disgust. “No more?” Kara guessed, regarding the furrowing of his brows, amused. He shook his head, already settling back down into the pillows. “Get some sleep.”

She didn't have to say it twice. In just seconds, he was passed out.

Her crystal blue eyes stared into his, filled with love for him and only him. His hands cradled her face and her fingers caressed the nape of his neck. Winn tucked a lock of her golden hair behind her ear and she narrowed her eyes, smiling shyly. 

“I love you, Kara Danvers.” Winn murmured, pulling her close to him. Her grin widened and she surprised him with a long, passionate kiss that caused his heart to flutter. 

“And I you, Winn Schott.” Kara nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and rested against him. “I want to wake up with you every day for rest of my life.” She whispered, one hand caressing the hair on top of his head.

“Ditto.” Winn replied, causing her to giggle.

The warmth of her touch and the comfort of her presence lulled Winn and he soon found his eyelids getting heavy. Kara's chest moved up and down against him in the rhythm of sleep.

Winn relaxed even more and rested his cheek against the crown of Kara’s head and closed his eyes, drifting to sleep with his arms around the woman he loved.

The moment Winn fell asleep in the dream world, he was jolted to the pain of reality. His head pounded as if someone was ramming a hammer against his skull and his stomach churned uncomfortably. He winced, shifting, which directed Kara’s attention to him.

“Winn? I gotta go, James. He’s awake. Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The shy smile on her face was enough to stab Winn in the heart. She had had that same smile for him and only him in his dream. “Hey…” Kara greeted him quietly, taking his hand in hers. “How do you feel?”

Winn stared down at their interlocked fingers and tears began to inexplicably well in his eyes. Kara noticed and shock was evident on her face. “Winn? What’s wrong? Hey…” She kneeled down beside him and took his face with her free hand. A tear slipped down his cheek and Kara wiped it away with her thumb. “Shh...it’s okay. Just tell me what's wrong. 

“I…” Winn began, voice raspy. He stopped speaking and just closed his eyes as more tears escaped his eyes. He silently cried and Kara sat with him, stroking his cheek tenderly.

“Do you want to go to your bed?” Kara asked quietly, after a time had passed and his tears had dried. All he could do was nod. “Okay. C’mere.” She laced an arm around his shoulders and helped him sit up. That was when he took her back in his arms, as he had in his dream, and just cherished the feeling once again. Kara yelped in surprise, but willingly accepted his embrace, tightly squeezing him back. She pulled away and smiled. “You gonna be okay?”

Winn nodded, feeling almost worse after the tears had stopped. He knew, after he recovered and overpowered his emotions, he wouldn’t be able to even look at Kara the same again. Maybe someday, but not any day soon. For now, though, he treasured her presence 

Kara supported him to his bedroom and helped him lie down. Winn couldn’t hardly think as he settled back against his pillows. A coughing fit overcame him and he lay powerless after it subsided, too exhausted to do much else. She sat on the edge of the mattress beside him and took his hand once again. He looked up at her with heavy-lidded eyes, and she seemed to finally see what was wrong.

“It was about the other night, wasn’t it?” Kara murmured. Winn blinked in response. She looked down, obvious pain in her eyes. Pain caused by the fact that no matter how hard she wanted to, she couldn’t give him what he wanted. “Listen…” She trailed off, interlocking her fingers with his and squeezing his hand. “I may not love you the way you want me to, but, Winn, I promise you that I will always love you, no matter what.”

“Me too.” Winn mumbled after a beat, his voice sleepy and a groggy smile on his face. “Friends? 

“Best friends.” Kara corrected as his eyes closed all the way. “No matter what.”

Winn drifted to sleep knowing that his best friend would always be there for him, and that alone made him happy.