#but I also don’t love him either as he went to war with Denmark

[hoppityhopster23]

Happy birthday to Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington! (May 1st, 1769)

[juminsmysticmc]

hello! i love your mm imagines, so..., i wanted to ask you of you souls write how MC honeymoon (and/or wedding) would be with rfa + saeran, v AMD vanderwood. ps. have a nice day whenever you read this ps2. sorry if something i says sound weird but english is not my first language.

RFA + Minor Trio with Mc on their Honeymoon 

Hello, thank you for your love! And please don’t worry! I understood everything you said! By the way, my first language isn’t English either, haha.

Do I even have one?

Okay, like, my parents are Italian, I grew up in Germany and I am learning Japanese and I know English...but none of these languages are perfect...ahahaha….

Okay, enjoy and please tell me your opinion, okay?

Jumin

Your head laid on your husband’s shoulder why you shut close your eyes and entangled his hand with yours.

,,Are you nervous?’’ he asked you and kissed your forehead.

,,No, with you by my side I am okay,’’ you told him as his private Jet flew up in the air.

Both of you just said ,,Yes,’’ to each other in front of God and now both of you were on your way to Europe for your honeymoon.

,,I love you, thank you for making this day so special for me,’’ you honestly told him and began to open your mouth wide to get rid of the pressure on your ears. 

,,Hahaha...this and more, my love,’’ he confessed.

You slept for a few hours and then finally landed in Italy, your first destination.

Rome was a beautiful place.

The night view was making you breathless even though you were sleepy.

,,Let’s get a good rest and enjoy everything tomorrow,’’ he told you.

That’s exactly what you did.

You slept for eight hours straight and woke up for the most beautiful brunch in your little house.

The air in Italy was totally different, the coffee smell and the sound of the Vespa made you feel special. 

The little Italian grandmas saying something to each other and the little streets taking you to the most hidden and romantic places.

The honeymoon with Jumin was something special and time seemed to go over like a nice evening between friends: too quickly.

You went up to Austria and Germany, enjoying the time in the capitals and listen to the story about the world wars.

,,I want to see Denmark again Jumin!’’ you said on your way back to Korea.

Maybe you should stop expressing your wishes so easily for Jaehee’s sake, three weeks later you were in Denmark again and she was overworked with Jumin’s work too.

Zen

,,Are you sad?’’ you asked him on your way to the Airport in the Taxi, stroking his arm.

,,No, why? I am here with you and married you, my wife...my beautiful wife,’’ he whispered and kissed you, expressing all his love for you with that simple kiss.

,,Why should I be sad?’’ he laughed and stroked your cheek.

,,Because I am here but I can’t replace your family...they didn’t come…’’ you whispered.

You felt bad for him as if it was your fault.

,,You are my family now. I made you wait long enough till this day, okay? Just be happy, yes? I love you a lot,’’ he told you.

You decided to trust him and ignored this on your way to Jeju.

,,Are we really supposed to wear them?’’ you asked your husband, Zen.

It was so weird saying husband now after you said fiancé for such a long time…

But the time finally came true.

,,Yes, we are finally Mr. and Mrs. Ryu, everyone should know now, sleep a bit, it’s good for your eyes and-’’

,,Okay, hubby!’’ you stopped him and took the eye mask out of his hand, putting on the mask and closing your eyes, hand in hand with your husband.

Zen and you finally arrived in Jeju and took a bus back to the Pension you would stay.

,,The house is so cute!’’ you exclaimed as you looked around, throwing yourself in the soft bed and inhaling the fresh scent.

Both of you enjoyed the place.

You looked at the sunset together, ate outside talking over and over again about your wedding, the past, and your future.

Even though Zen hated it, you two went into the sea and enjoyed the salty water, attiring a lot of eyes on your beautiful skin.

You guys also had a lot of memorable nights together.

The days in Jeju were so beautiful and after the Fire Festival, you two realized that it was really time to go back to Seoul.

But you promised each other to never ever forget the amazing time you had there and really go back there.

Yoosung

,,Woah, I knew that Japan is beautiful, but I never realized that Japan was actually that amazing!’’ you gasped when you and Yoosung were seated below a cherry blossom tree, looking up to the pink colors over your head.

Yoosung chuckled as he put a Mochi in his mouth.

The Honeymoon with Yoosung was romantic and cute.

Hand in hand you walked along the sea, the moon reflecting itself in the water.

,,The moon, so beautiful tonight,’’ Yoosung whispered.

,,You know,’’ you gasped and turned to your husband.

,,In Japan, you say that the moon is beautiful when you love someone.

,,I know,’’ Yoosung nodded and kissed you, placing his hand behind your neck, stroking your soft skin and pushing aside your hair.

The kiss was so passionate, the only light the both of you had was the moon behind you, illuminating this wonderful, romantic night.

And that night both of you loved each other for the very first time.

The next day you felt as if you were on a very high cloud.

Love was written all over your face but you didn’t just enjoy the romantic time but also had a lot of fun in the arcade, watched a lot of Anime, went to events and meat a lot of new people.

Japan was crazy, beautiful crazy.

Just like your young love.

Jaehee

,,Let’s go there for our Honeymoon,’’ you giggled after Seven acted as if he was your priest.

Marriage between two people with the same sex still wasn’t legal in Korea but it was Okay.

You and Jaehee were deeply in love, living together and happy.

And with that, you had everything you needed.

As long as you had each other nothing and none could tear you apart.

,,Ethiopia, are you sure?’’ Jaehee laughed as you nodded strongly.

,,That’s where coffee comes from!’’ you told her pretty excited, making her happy too.

,,So you know?’’

A few days later both of you were on your way for that amazing Honeymoon you waited for.

This experience would be special for the both of you.

The flight was a bit scary but Jaehee held your hand the whole time and even though you were in a to you unknown country, Jaehee managed to make everything work out.

The little hut was cute and enough for the both of you.

For the past days, both of you walked with natives through the place, looking at your surroundings.

And then the really amazing view started: the production of the coffee you guys loved so much.

You could finally watch them, every step was implanted in your head as Jaehee began to take pictures to frame them in your shop.

And while she observed you, laughing with them and helping them with their work, Jaehee realized that she found real love.

That finding you was fate.

That she was happy.

Saeyoung

,,A honeymoon is usually just between the bride and the broom,’’ you told him as you looked around you.

Well, you weren’t the only one who was uncomfortable and pissed.

Zen and Jaehee felt the same.

Yoosung even felt sorry for you.

The only ones who somehow didn’t care or notice the mood were Saeran and Jumin.

And of course Saeyoung himself, the one who was responsible for this mess.

,,I thought that a family vacancy could be fun!’’ he laughed and teased you, kissing you and stroking your skin.

You sighed.

Now you just had to think more about the good things.

And indeed, just a few hours later you were having fun with all of them, even though you wanted to be alone at first.

The second day for your honeymoon Saeyoung prepared a surprise at the beach, the table elaborated, the sunset behind you, and a romantic melody in the background.

,,This is perfect, Saeyoung,’’ you giggled.

,,I didn’t think that you were capable of this,’’ you confessed.

,,Well, they all supported me. I just thought that I had to invite them. They are like family, for you and for me. And I will make this unforgettable for you,’’ he confessed.

Saeran

You and Saeran wanted to get married earlier but since he couldn’t find any rest without first finding his brother, you had to stay patient.

And now both of you were off, Saeyoung behind you, waving and yelling through the whole airport, to come back with a baby and- it was pretty embarrassing what he was yelling.

,,I should have left him there where I found him,’’ Saeran hissed, however with a smile on his lips.

The two of you were on your way to America, something you wanted to see for a long time by now.

Jumin, who asked Saeran and Saeyoung to work for him after everything was settled, gave him a week off and three more moths to take a rest.

To you, it somehow gave you the feeling as if Jumin was trying to make up for Jihyun’s mistakes.

But you didn’t want to think about that now on your honeymoon.

The both of you slept a lot while flying with the airplane and were then off in New York to enjoy the time there.

But your goal was Florida, to the Walt Disney World Resort.

But first, you just had to visit NY, see Little Italy and all those surprises the big city had for you.

And afterward, you moved on, stopping in a few cities to look at how they lived. 

It was amazing.

Your hotel seemed like a fairy tale, the stuff there was just beautiful and the Cosplayer was just so realistic.

,,This is with Mickey,’’ you showed Jaehee on a picture back in Korea.

,,And here,’’ you began to laugh, ,,this is after a ride on the merry go, Saeran was crying because he felt sick and so Cinderella approached him and he was so shocked!’’ you kept laughing.

,,She’s making fun of you,’’ Saeyoung said and laughed, while Saeran looked totally in love with you.

,,She’s allowed to, she’s my wife,’’

Jihyun

The Honeymoon of the both of you actually ended a week ago but Jihyun had some work to do and so you took a week off more.

It actually felt even better.

You currently sat on the balcony in Paris, the Eiffel Tower in your view, while you were holding a glass wine between your fingers.

Jihyun was on the phone with a sponsor who wanted to have an exhibition.

And it was totally okay for you that he was on the phone since he gave his best to not work the week before on your honeymoon.

,,I am back,’’ he told you and kissed you on your head.

,,So, should we take a walk?’’ he asked you and was ready to take your hand.

,,Mhm, with you I would like to even walk to the end of the world,’’ you laughed and got up.

The fresh air of Paris made you feel relaxed.

The yummy smell of fresh-baked Baguettes...

,,Would you like to live here?’’ Jihyun asked you.

,,Mh, I think it’s beautiful here. I love it, I love everything. But I think this beauty would fade away if I would live here,’’ you told him.

,,My wife always knows the perfect answers, let’s go home soon, to our home…’’

Vanderwood

The both of you decided on not doing something expensive but just enjoy the warmth of the both of you.

Your husband rented a house in the forest.

The next shop was three hours away and so you needed to make your food yourself.

,,Here we can drink the fresh water and we can fish ourselves!’’ you excited said.

You weren’t even on your phones so much.

You just had time for yourselves, cuddling a lot, kissing a lot, and sleeping in together.

Looking at the stars in the night together, listening to the nature.

Vanderwood and you experienced a fresh married life and you enjoyed it.

You also talked a lot about your wedding.

Since you didn’t have a family and Vanderwood was alone too, you only had the RFA around you and it was the best decision.

Throwing your bouquet, the food, the dance.

,,Everything was so perfect,’’ you whispered and kissed his cheek while he fell asleep on you.

,,Everything is still perfect,’’ you chuckled and closed your eyes too.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

07.06.2020// 22:19 MEST

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

Do you have any headcanons for any asian characters in hetalia?

Thanks for the ask anon!

The Asians (as a group and individually) have my heart so you can expect a lot of headcanons for them. I’ve posted a list of China headcanons here (scroll down and you’ll find them eventually), but I’ll probably put new ones in this ask too. Anyway:

- All the Asians love to take food pictures! I know this is a “fashionable thing” to do all over the world nowadays, but I feel like the Asian countries are like the epitome of food pictures. Taiwan, HK, Japan, South Korea, and maybe Macau would do this the most. They’d probably run a joint social media account just for food pictures (as well as food selfies, since they’re all super photogenic). I also think they might compete with each other to take the best pictures, and have people vote on whose is the best?? 

Also just imagine China cooking the food for them and then all the young’uns crowding around the plate taking pictures for a long time, after 5 minutes they hear China yell “Hey! The food’s going to get cold if you don’t start EATING!” *mutters “Sheesh, they’re too phone addicted”*

- A lot of people headcanon Yao/China as the boomer of the Asians (and in general), and make him like an old man not knowing how to use a phone and everything. But… literally, real China has so much social media and internet stuff, like they’ve literally almost phased out using cash because everyone just pays for stuff using WeChat on their phones… like literally, this stuff is way ahead of America’s cash rn, so I think China would be able to absorb his people’s phone/internet prowess and not be so “boomer-y” like everyone thinks?? I have to admit that the boomer China situation would be pretty funny but I just don’t think it’s very realistic?

- Ok this part is just a rant about South Korea. WHy in the worLd does he need to be all perverted???? Like why is he so obsessed with people’s body parts/breasts???? Like what, why can you not make him a normal person who is a tech savvy enthusiastic photogenic Asian who is definitely a nerdy jock (if those exist) instead of some random groper??? Ok anyway, I’ve got no idea what’s up with canon SK but I think he’d be like the Denmark in the asians? Very excitable, friendly, and overall gives off cool vibes. Also I think he just pretends to be dumb sometimes to make people laugh, but can read the mood pretty well even if people don’t think he can. He’s also pretty smart and good with technology, and can strike up conversations with a lot of people really quickly (this also leads to him getting a lot of connections if it’s in a Human AU) Overall, I think modern day SK’s got his heart in the right place, he just might mess up a few times.

- Ancient Times: the Asians in history are kinda complicated, because a) HK, Taiwan, and Macau are pretty much irrelevant right now, b) I am clueless about Southeast Asian history so idk what Thailand and Vietnam are doing at that time, and c) China, Japan, and Korea weren’t exactly friends all the time (and they weren’t really friends from WWI to the Korean War). Also to complicate stuff, Korea had three kingdoms: Goguryeo, Baekje, and Silla; Silla apparently took over the other two later (with the help of the Chinese Tang dynasty) and became Unified Korea, and then the Korean War happened and it split again. So, idk what’s up with them (canon makes it more complicated because China took in Japan, I assume he would’ve taken Korea or the 3 kingdoms in as well because there’s a lot of shared history/trade/alliances between those three). There’s a lot of backstabbing and wars and stuff, some between China and Japan, some between China and Korea vs Japan, some between Korea and Japan, etc. If the countries were physically kids, I guess you could reason it out that they were just small bastards who were really rowdy and liked to fight, but I think that at least China would have been in his late teens/early 20s, and he took in Japan before most of the wars, so maybe that’s just Japan being a rebellious kid? Idk man East Asian history is complicated

- I think the young’uns are all fans of something (I think Japan and HK and maybe Taiwan are anime/manga fans, and SK likes his kpop idols) and they always get China to come along with them resignedly, to a convention or concert or whatever. But let’s be real, he hates on the others’ stuff but watches his own tv dramas just fine (although he hates the characters’ decisions a lot and rants a lot too)

- They get so competitive during sports! Especially at big things like the Olympics, or any international ____ competition (like swimming or something with lots of events). I think everybody would roast China for always failing soccer at FIFA (mens or womens) even if they themselves didn’t get in (usually Japan and Korea qualify, and they might even make it to like round of 8 or something). Other events, they’d just root for their own team and possibly make bets as to who’s going to win.

- I don’t know why China doesn’t have glasses in his design because literally so many people are nearsighted!!! (me included hhh) but idk I guess an explanation is he used to wear them and then was teased by his kids for being an old grandpa so he got contacts instead or something

- And because of genetics or something I think HK and Taiwan would also have nearsightedness but (I think in Taiwan at least) the trend is to get laser eye surgery, so I think both of them would’ve gotten it so they could keep looking cOoL (or something)

- All of them like TEA of some kind. Japan and China prefer to stick with the normal tea (brewed with tea leaves and stuff) but Taiwan loves bubble tea, and HK and Korea prefer iced tea more? But I think they’d all be able to switch between different types and not complain (except China, the old man)

- If China forgot he had a meeting scheduled and on that day, he invited all the others to his house, I think he’d begrudgingly put Japan in charge and leave, but I think Japan would let the others do whatever they want (he lowkey loves pranking China) and by the time China is back the house would either be wrecked or they’d went through all his stuff and now have a hoard of private things to ask him. China would throw them all out and then somehow find a way to get back at Japan

- I read a headcanon somewhere that they all think their own cooking is the best, and that would be very funny to write, but I think at dinners and stuff they’d all bring their favorite dish and just share, because nostalgia, sometimes they just feel like eating stuff that reminds them of their past or when they were at ____’s house (eg. Japan and Korea with Chinese food, Taiwan with Japanese food, etc.)

- Lots of family arguing and mutual pranks

- Lots and lots of low and high key roasts and lots of sarcasm (especially from the older ones). 

Taiwan: “How do you think this dress looks?” 

China: “Like you took fashion advice as bad as England’s cooking”

Japan: “I hate to say this, but China is 100% on point.”

Taiwan: D:

- Disapproval of clothing! China arguing at his kids that their clothes are too unconservative or show too much skin or something, and his kids arguing back that he dresses like he blindly picked out clothes without opening his eyes

OK yeah that’s it thanks for listening if you made it down here! I was originally intending to include Thailand and Macau and Vietnam but then realized I have next to nothing for them so… I’m sorry if you wanted some about them! Take my humblest apologies. Anyway, you probably noticed the Asians have my heart and definitely ask for more if you want! I’d never deny the chance to think about what dumb stuff they’d do lol

[reconditarmonia]

Dear Chocolate Box 2021 Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3. I have anon messaging off, but mods can contact me with any questions.

Elsinore | Fullmetal Alchemist | The Locked Tomb | Motherland: Fort Salem | Simoun

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships; unrequested trans versions of characters.

Smut Likes: clothing, uniforms, sexual tension, breasts, manual sex, cunnilingus, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity.

Requesting fic; open to art treats!

—

Fandom: Elsinore

Relationship(s): Hamlet & Ophelia; Hamlet & Horatio & Ophelia; Bernardo & Hamlet & Laertes & Ophelia

I found the friendships in this game, and the different ways that characters can reconcile or try to find a way forward together, to be really sweet and moving, and I'd love to read something that focused on those relationships of trust and support. I like how important Ophelia and Horatio's counsel and friendship is in timelines where Hamlet becomes king; I like Hamlet regretting how he behaved towards Ophelia and striving to live through his depression and find out what it is that he wants, not what everyone else wants of him; I like seeing childhood friends Bernardo and Laertes and Ophelia and Hamlet, whose growing-up has stretched them so far apart, taking time to catch up and enjoy each other's company a little.

So, futurefic in one of the timelines where everything doesn't go to shit? A timeline that we don't see? (There is something narratively interesting to me in Permanence/Passion in that the entire plot of Hamlet ends up as a distant backstory to someone's full life; I don't know how compatible that idea is with these requests, but if you want to write any of these groups fucking off to Italy or Constantinople or London and living until the Elsinore pressure-cooker is a distant memory, I'd be just as happy with that as with fic about them building some kind of future together still in Denmark, trying to make it better for its people and to hold on to who they are as individuals, and friends, beyond their roles.) If you want to write Hamlet/Ophelia, Hamlet/Horatio, or for that matter Horatio/Bernardo as shippy, I'm fine with that, but I don't want a focus on the romantic aspects of their relationship.

Fandom-Specific DNW: death of requested characters within the timeline being explored, or focus on death of requested characters. These characters die in this game a lot and I don't need you to pretend entirely that it's not a time loop game, but I would like them to be happy. If you write the Bernardo & Hamlet & Laertes & Ophelia request, I'm fine with either or both names/pronouns for Bernardo|Katherine, but I don't want to read a story focused on their gender or coming-out. Please don't include Peter Quince as a character (you do not need to retcon, you know, the existence of the time loop).

—

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Relationship(s): Maria Ross/Olivier Mira Armstrong

I'll admit: I am a shallow, shallow person who loves the heartwarming and id-satisfying Briggs loyalty-kink complex (The watch! Buccaneer handing Olivier a clean pair of gloves after she kills Raven! Constant and deeply sincere saluting! Olivier’s explanation of why she wants Miles around and her lack of patience for anyone’s shit) but would like an f/f manifestation of it for actual shipping. Post-canon or AU where Maria is assigned to Briggs, or works for Olivier in Central? Does Maria foil a plot against Olivier, or Olivier save Maria's life in battle? Does Olivier order Maria into a firefight? Hit me.

Fandom-Specific DNW: Olivier/men, even mentioned.

—

Fandom: The Locked Tomb

Relationship(s): Abigail Pent & Dulcinea Septimus; Gideon the First & Matthias Nonius

Dulcie and Nonius were two of my favorite additions to the cast in Harrow the Ninth (and Dulcie in "Doctor Sex" via letter). I loved everything we learned about Dulcie - her wit, her quick thinking in a pinch when confronted by Cytherea and her secret to Harrow. I found her "The only thing preventing me from being exactly who I wanted..." speech both genuinely moving and very funny, and I love her thirst for revenge. What else might she and Abigail Pent, "independent research? it isn't even my birthday!" daredevil spirit-talker par excellence who has just conjured up a ghost out of an epic poem, get up to after Harrow's bubble collapses? Or what were they up to when they weren't on screen in Harrow's dream, putting together this whole, well, play?

Nonius's arrival, entire scene, and departure to fight the Beast made me very, very happy on levels I have trouble explaining. It was so heartwarming?! Because it was impossible, and because poetry won, and because they went off to do the best they could...I don't know, exactly. I'd love to read either more about his mysterious past with Gideon the First, or about their second encounter as allies (throw in Marta, Ortus and Pro if you like as well!)

Fandom-Specific Exception: to my unrequested ships DNW, Dulcie/Cam & Dulcie/Pal. I love their three strand thing.

—

Fandom: Motherland: Fort Salem

Relationship(s): Abigail Bellweather/Raelle Collar

I fell hard for this show and Abigail/Raelle is the ship I’m most excited about - they get off to a bad start for all kinds of personal history reasons and have problems with each other, but when it gets down to the wire Abigail would do anything for Raelle and is very gung-ho about having Raelle’s unconventional but extremely powerful magic under her leadership, regardless of Raelle being a loose cannon. She told her she loved her!! <3 And by the end, Raelle also clearly knows what Abigail's going through (like when she talks her down in "Citydrop"), respects her leadership, and cares deeply about her and wants to protect her in return. I love that loyalty dynamic, and their competence as fighters/witches.

Physical combat, strength in general, magical strength, ability to work magic together, knowledge of the magical canon vs. out-of-the-box techniques...what parts of their skills and their bond could be challenged in the weird dimension that the end of season 1 leaves them in? Or when they get back home and new challenges await? (In my head, the decision not to send them to War College is not revoked; the unit becomes some kind of special-forces secret strike team rather than cannon fodder.) Maybe something where Raelle goes/has gone into a fight as a berserker-type for Abigail and then comes back to her, or where Abigail protects/has protected her soldier (her girl!! I love her protectiveness of Raelle towards the other cadets, imagine it in a battle!)? Or an arranged marriage AU where it's usual for witch soldiers to marry to combine their magic power or something...

I would also be up for smut for them, especially something d/s-y where the loyalty-kinky dynamic of Raelle being Abigail's weapon, at her command, is echoed in sex!

Fandom-Specific DNW: sex solely for magical purposes without an emotional connection (sex for magical purposes is fine), focus on Raylla (I don't need you to retcon it, but please don't dwell either on Raelle still having feelings for Scylla or on her getting over Scylla for Abigail), Scylla bashing, Abigail/Adil (I would prefer to imagine, if he is mentioned in the fic, that they’re just friends).

—

Fandom: Simoun

Relationship(s): Aer/Neviril; Aer/Neviril & Neviril/Paraietta; Aer/Neviril/Paraietta; Aer & Floef & Neviril & Paraietta & Rodoreamon & Vyuraf

Aer, and Aer/Neviril, really grew on me on my recent rewatch. I appreciated her more as the determined bit-of-a-loose-cannon, who grows into a respected role in the choir, than the manic pixie this time, and noted Neviril's comments about how she was drawn to Aer's determination. (I've written a lot more about what I love and am interested in about Neviril and the show in general, her journey of figuring out what it means to her exactly to lead an air force, here.) I'd love to know what happens to them post-canon - what is the "new world" and their travel in it like? It's an escape for them, sure, but what are they escaping to, not just from? Are there problems there, too?

I'd also be up for a poly situation where Neviril is involved with both Aer and Paraietta, her long-loyal second-in-command whom she's blessed and forgiven, as a V where they're friends or as a triangle where Aer and Paraietta are also involved (I don't quite know what that leg of the triangle would look like but I do like how they work together in battle even when they're shown as having personal issues.)

If Neviril and Aer make it back to the main world when war is brewing again, as at the end of the series, but their old cohort can't fly anymore, what do they see their role as being? Does Neviril see herself as a leader for peace, for war, for something else? How do they interact with their former squadmates, whether as part of a more plotty piece or not?

I could be interested in explicit fic for this canon, as an option - the series is, on some level, about the contrast between the reality and physicality of their bodies and the general perception of what they do (which even in its non-spiritual military capacity is removed from a connection to their bodies via the Simoun aircraft), about becoming an adult, and of course about gender.

Fandom-Specific DNW: I'm not really interested in Kaim and Alty and would prefer for them not to appear or for their backstory to come up. I would also not like to see pre-timeskip Dominuura/Limone.

[dweemeister]

Ordet (1955, Denmark)

By the 1950s, Danish director Carl Theodor Dreyer had made eleven films. However, his last three works were victims of circumstance. The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928) consistently ranks high in film critics’ lists of the greatest movies ever made, but it offended ardent French nationalists who resisted the idea of a Dane directing a movie about one of the nation’s secondary patron saints. Vampyr (1932), in its stillness and languor befitting its disturbing atmosphere, was despised by audiences – including a riot from Viennese moviegoers demanding a refund – expecting more action. Day of Wrath (1943) released a firestorm of controversy in Nazi-occupied Denmark because of its allegory about living under an authoritarian regime. All three of these films were commercial failures. All three of these films are today considered cinematic exemplars.

Danish movie producers might have sneezed, claiming imaginary allergies, at the notion of financing the next Dreyer film, but the Danish government decided to reward Dreyer – struggling with finances after World War II – with a lifelong lease to the Dagmar, the state arthouse movie theater. With a morsel of the Dagmar’s profits, Dreyer sought a project he could make on a shoestring budget. Dreyer’s twelfth film would be Ordet (“The Word” in English), based on a play of the same name by Lutheran pastor Kaj Munk. Ordet is a severe film that never loses hold of an attentive viewer. It contains a provocative ending that cannot (and will not) be spoiled, and it is an ideal follow-up to The Passion of Joan of Arc and Day of Wrath in that this piece examines the nature of faith. Instead of probing why the film’s characters believe (or don’t believe) in God, its focus is instead on how the characters express their belief.

In the autumn of 1925, widowed Borgen family patriarch Morten (Henrik Malberg) is a devout farmer soon to be busy with doting on his third, incoming grandchild. Morten has three sons: his eldest, Mikkel (Emil Hass Christensen), is agnostic, married to Inger (Birgitte Federspeil), and the couple have taken care of Morten’s two grandchildren; middle son Johannes (Preben Lerdorff Rye) went mad studying Søren Kierkegaard’s texts and now believes himself to be Jesus Christ; and youngest son Anders (Cay Kristiansen), the center of the film’s attention for a plurality of its runtime, is lovesick. The entire Borgen family lives under the same roof – creating tension, but Morten is nevertheless proud of “Borgensfarm”.

Anders and Anne Petersen (Gera Nielsen) wish to marry. Anne’s father Peter (Ejner Federspiel), is the local leader of the conservative Inner Mission sect of Lutheranism; Anders and Anne correctly believe he will oppose the marriage. Peter’s standoffish rejection inspires Morten – also originally in opposition – to change his mind. He stomps over to Peter’s residence, arriving mid-sermon, and failing to sway his friend. Peter’s telephone rings as they argue, and Peter must bear news of a family emergency at Borgensfarm.

Pacing and an intricate plot are of no concern to Dreyer. For the film’s opening two-thirds, Dreyer – who wrote the adapted screenplay – takes all the time needed to let the audience know the lives of the Borgens. The love shared between all three generations of the Borgen family is never questioned, although their understanding of and relationship with God differs. Because of my lack of religious belief, I do not know how to accurately describe Dreyer’s comparison of Morten and Peter other than the former is less beholden to religious dogma than the latter. The agnostic Mikkel believes God as essentially dead, forsaking long ago the children of Earth to the kindness and cruelty of their neighbors. No one in the Borgen household condemns or lampoons Mikkel for not believing. Certainly not Inger, who sympathizes with this struggle of faith. Not even Johannes, the most difficult son to truly understand. Johannes, speaking Jesus’ words from scripture and words that one could imagine Jesus might have said in rural 1920s Denmark, appears as a cloud-gazing, simply-clothed itinerant by day. His words are lofty, his speech deliberate, his empty gaze distancing him from those who surround him. He asks others to pray and believe, never wrathful if they do not listen or heed his advice. By night, he returns home as he always has done. Though he no longer addresses his father, brothers, sister-in-law, and nieces as his father, brothers, sister-in-law, and nieces, they still treat him as family – even though they do not accept him as Christ. For Anders, he is obviously preoccupied with the woman he loves.

Ordet is structured around the domestic lives and habits of its characters – it is akin to free verse poetry, resisting any attempts at novelistic analysis. Characters fully express themselves, and dialogue never overlaps between speakers (even in argument). There is silence after completed statements of opinion and revelation. In that silence, Dreyer’s camera captures the listener’s reaction (except for Johannes, who does not visually react): contentment, disbelief, amusement, concern, horror, understanding. This is executed in the mostly empty spaces of the Borgen household, against clear backdrops. In the dialogue pauses during and between conversations, all one can hear is ambient noise: the floorboards creaking as a character is making their way across the room, the clock ticking in the parlor room, someone shuffling positions in their chair. Cinematographer Henning Bendtsen (1959’s Boy of Two Worlds, 1991’s Europa) keeps his camera distant – of Ordet’s 114 total shots (averaging more than sixty seconds each between cuts), only three are close-ups. It is as if there is a presence accompanying the characters even in the most ordinary scenes, but that presence is something unknowable, something beyond an individual’s understanding of God.

Bendtsen’s mastery of mise en scène (a concept that is generally defined as the combination of set design, shot composition, and actor placement to empower cinematic or theatrical art) culminates when Mikkel’s oldest daughter, Maren (Ann Elisabeth Groth), walks into the parlor room to see her uncle Johannes waiting in the dark. Inger has gone into labor; her pregnancy endangering her life. Maren has overheard how perilous her mother’s situation is from the adults and cannot sleep.

She asks Johannes if her mother will die soon; he responds, “Do you want her to, little girl?” The camera cuts. “Yes, because then you’ll bring her back to life, won’t you?” It is a curious response that raises unanswered questions how Mikkel’s two girls view Johannes as an uncle and as a self-proclaimed Christ. The others will not allow me to perform this miracle, notes Johannes, as the camera begins to slowly revolve around them. Maren and Johannes have a late-night conversation about what happens when a mother goes to heaven and miracles. The gradual dolly shot going across Johannes and Maren’s front sides display the empty depths of the parlor room, suggesting something there. Again, it suggests something beyond our conception of God. Maren and Johannes’ conversation adds to this, as Johannes comforts Maren, imparting that mothers will be with their children even in death, without the stress of other things during the day. In three minutes, a creaking floorboard, ticking clock, Johannes’ blank face, and the familial tenderness between the two actors have encapsulated what Ordet conveys to open-minded viewers of all faiths.

All of this is demanding, in different ways, for the acting ensemble and the audience. In many films (especially today’s cinema), editors will cut quickly from reactions to dialogue or during dialogue – serving to either undermine an actor’s ability or conceal their shortcomings. Because of the camerawork and minimal editing, there is little room for any mediocre acting to hide in Ordet (which contains stellar performances from its ensemble), a production that asks its actors to inhabit their characters for lengthy stretches without a cut. In a way, this harkens to Ordet’s background as a stage play, but the film adaptation does not feel stage-bound. For the audience, the barely moving camera and thoughtful pace can be an impediment to the impatient. But I suspect many viewers – as I did – will have difficulty unpackaging Johannes. Johannes, with all credit to Preben Lerdorff Rye, seems like he accidentally walked onto the wrong movie set and began acting thinking he was shooting for that other production. That last sentence could be construed as disparagement, but it is not – Rye’s performance befits the character, and Dreyer’s intention to perplex viewers with Johannes’ presence is controlled and purposeful.

Johannes’ presence in Ordet strikes at unsettling ideas for Christians and non-Christians alike, and these conflicting ideas are integral to the film’s controversial final ten minutes. In contrast to Morten’s comfortable, undemanding religiosity and the Inner Mission’s stringent emphasis on dogma, Johannes’ claims to be Christ is unnerving. The New Testament is filled with parables, gospels, and miracles told and performed by Christ. The Borgen family and the Inner Mission sect adherents would rather Jesus be dead, with God’s physical embodiment and judgment removed from the corporeal world humans share, than believe Johannes to be the son of God. Every character in Ordet except Johannes believes that the days of God’s miracles have passed; to some viewers, the film may seem to endorse this view. But Dreyer’s intentions are not to evangelize on behalf of any Christian belief – Dreyer, according to film critic Jonathan Rosenbaum, was not religious and his occasional visits to a French Reformed church were attempts to familiarize himself with Christian colloquialisms for his film projects. Dreyer wants to understand how religion plays a role in the lives of the Borgens and the film’s secondary characters and how they express their faith. He succeeds.

By the time Ordet’s final act begins, the viewer is probably still wondering how such an apparently simple film that may have bored them in the opening half-hour has convinced them to finish it – barreling into the thickets of one’s soul with unexpected force. Dreyer and the actors have outlined their characters completely, allowing observant viewers intuit each character’s reactions to the mundane and the sublime. The film’s paradoxical and transcendent conclusion provides these characters and the audience an ending that we desperately desire, but also challenges that desire to question our faith.

For the first time since the silent era, Carl Theodor Dreyer had made a film that was instantly acclaimed by critics and audiences in Denmark and abroad – including receiving the Golden Lion at the 1955 Venice Film Festival and a joint Golden Globe Award for Best Foreign Film shared with four other movies. Despite Ordet’s success, Dreyer would continue to struggle in finding funds to make another film. Dreyer made only one more film in Gertrud (1964), and a long-gestating project about Jesus (no surprise that Dreyer would consider making such a film) never came to fruition, although a manuscript outlining the film was published in 1968.

As someone who was never raised with much of an understanding of the Abrahamic religions, I nevertheless find films commenting about the nature of religious belief fascinating. Almost all these films, due to demographics and religious history, have been within Christianity’s folds. Too often faith is held as a nightstick for comic or dramatic purposes in narrative art – and this sort of art is neither challenging nor rewarding for anyone. In recent years, I have found glorious exceptions from Old Hollywood and in non-English-language cinema that put to shame the evangelical-specific, exclusionary present of the American Christian film industry. Ordet is arguably one of the most exacting and illuminating religious films ever made. Late in Ordet, Dreyer’s film finds itself in a wallow of despair and ends with spirits exultant. Its ending – one that I desired – still leaves me uplifted and horrified.

My rating: 10/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[cat-with-a-tie]

A DenNor analysis of sorts

Hello, sweet chirping crickets! I’ve been shipping this ship for literal years now but have never plucked up the courage to actually interact with anyone or anything, so I’ve no idea why I’m doing it now, in the year of our Lord 2019, but hey, it’s never too late to get dragged back into aph hell.

I plan on posting a series of long ass rants that absolutely no one asked for in which I attempt to discuss the dynamics of DenNor and the Nordic characters in general, drawing mainly on Himaruya’s portrayal, historical facts, and my own headcanons, so welcome to the first installation of Stuff Nobody Really Cares About that I Wrote in a Fit of Boredom and Self-indulgence!

Before we start, if anyone’s reading this at all then please bear in mind that this is mostly just IMHO. And since there’s no correct way to ship a pairing (this cannot be stressed enough), my interpretation is just that—my personal interpretation, and it is by no means impartial because there’s definitely a healthy dose of my own preferences in there. Actually, I haven’t got any mutuals to talk to at the moment, so if my interpretation’s terrible, by all means go on and yell at me, I will love you to death for it.

In this post I’m going to rant about Norway’s personality (or his lack of it, thereof; don’t worry I’ll get to it later), with just a tiny segment on Denmark thrown in the mix, because hey, I do need to sleep.

“Anko” and its implications for Norway’s character

So, as most people probably already know, in the Japanese version Norway calls Denmark “anko”. In the Northeastern dialect he speaks, this is something like a diminutive form of “big brother” or “boss” (yes, Norway calls Denmark big brother!). In East Asian cultures, it is commonplace for younger men to address older ones (related or not) by honorifics ranging from super courteous to super casual, such as “aniki” in Japanese, “hyung” in Korean, and “da-ge” or “ge” in Mandarin. “Anko” also falls under this category, although it is still more casual than the more ubiquitous “aniki”. I struggle to convey its exact denotations in English, but all you need to know is that this is an affectionate way of addressing a man older than you.

But here’s a funny thing: Himaruya once stated that Denmark and Norway are “like classmates” （同級生）. Now, the Japanese term actually has a somewhat different meaning from the English one; “doukyuusei” does not strictly refer to people who are/were in the same class, but to people who belong in the same school year and therefore, in most cases, share the same age. This actually makes sense, because if we consider history, up until the 14th century or so the three Scandinavian kingdoms developed at much the same pace, so it would be reasonable to assume (despite Himaruya’s being abominably vague on nation mechanism) that the characters are of similar ages as well.

Why, then, does Himaruya have Norway refer to Denmark, who should be about the same age as he is, as “anko”? The thing is, aside from denoting age difference, this sort of honorific can also denote a difference in status. Even if someone is not significantly older than you, you may still refer to them with an honorific if you feel their status is above you or wish to pay them respect in an affectionate way.

So, consider this: Norway does not disrespect or look down on Denmark at all, in fact, he respects him enough to call him something akin to “boss” or “older brother”. Bear in mind that this is Norway we’re talking about, Norway of the onii-chan obsession! There’s no doubt that he sees a great deal of significance in this sort of thing, otherwise he wouldn’t be so bent on having Iceland address him as such. And he calls Denmark “big brother”. Just… just take a minute to let that sink in, will ya.

So this brings us to the main subject of my essay, and that is that Norway, for all his sass, is a bit of a doormat.

Now, before anyone starts yelling at me about how his people are perhaps the most fiercely patriotic out of all the Nordic countries, please let me finish my theory. You don’t get independence after centuries of being a glorified trophy bride and not feel the need to vent all that pent up frustration, after all.

First, if you look at strips such as the Denmark vs. Sweden frozen lake fiasco, you’ll see that Norway basically goes along with anything Denmark does, even when he’s actions are outright harebrained (and, to be fair, they often were). He might nag, and he might throw in a word or two of complaints, but at the end of the day Denmark calls the shots, and Norway seems pretty content to let him do so, even when sometime it’s him who has to bear the consequences of Denmark’s brashness (historically, during the many conflicts between Denmark and Sweden, many of which Denmark initiated, Sweden would often bypass Denmark and invade Norway instead, since its lack of military prowess meant that Norway could be used as leverage to force Denmark into accepting all sorts of outrageous conditions; meanwhile, any sort of military action Denmark engaged in was exceptionally taxing—no pun intended—on Norway due to its small population and frequent food shortages). 

Also keep in mind that compared to the strips set in modern times, Norway’s treatment of Denmark was considerably milder in the medieval era. My theory is that his attitude towards Denmark only soured after the chain of events that eventually lead to his independence in the 19th century, buuut that’s an essay for another time! Right now I’d like to discuss a personality trait of Norway’s that fascinates me a lot and directly ties into his tendency to be pushed around: his standoffishness.

This is a character inclined to keep on the sidelines and just watch things unfold, even when said events concern his very own person. He doesn’t seem to give a fig when Denmark and Sweden are fighting to the death—hell, not even when they are fighting over him, something that happened a lot in history.

Now, I can think of two main reasons for this passiveness, the first being that Norway, unlike Denmark, probably knows his own limitations to a degree that I believe must have been painful for him at times (not that he shows it, anyway). Although of course being able to see and communicate with magical creatures could result in one being a little less interested in the mortal realm, I find it unlikely that he was always this disengaged. He was once a Viking, after all, and up until the 13th century his kingdom was arguably the most powerful and expansive in all of Scandinavia.

But then, of course, came the Black Death. Norway’s decline in the late Middle Ages was in fact facilitated by a myriad of factors including civil war, incompetent politicians, and either a shortage or a surplus of kings, but having three quarters of its population decimated by the plague was perhaps the heaviest blow of all, and by the time the Kalmar Union took place the prospects of competing with Denmark or Sweden were pretty bleak.

From there on was what 19th century Norwegian nationalist poet Wergeland dubbed the “four hundred years of night”. Although most modern historians agree that Norway was far from destitute under Danish rule and may even have benefitted considerably from it, in terms of Norway’s development as a character, I reckon it could be said that he was, in fact, shrouded in night. The night in question, however, as opposed to being a symbol of Danish tyranny as Wergeland probably intended it to be, would be more of a metaphor for Norway’s own willingness to “fall asleep”, thereby shutting out a world in which he knew he has no say. In this way, he turned a blind eye on Denmark’s ill-fated endeavors, on Sweden’s budding ambition, on the animosity brewing between his two friends, and probably even on Denmark’s mistreatment of him.

During the Kalmar Union, he must have known that he was the weakest of the three kingdoms, and that it was better to just let things take their course instead of joining the fight for hegemony along with Sweden and Denmark. During the union with Denmark, he knew too that life would be far easier if he just went along with things; after all, he knew Denmark, he knew he was stubborn and that he would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. He also knew that Denmark meant well and that, despite everything, he cared a great deal for his family, as shown in the tax raise strip where Norway tells Denmark that “[it’s OK] because you’re trying your best”. 

It’s possible that Norway also derived some degree of consolation from Denmark’s affection, in that even though as nations they stood on uneven ground, as friends and as people he could still trust Denmark to have his best interests at heart. Also, by telling himself that he and Denmark were “in this boat together”, Norway could avoid the sense of relative deprivation that arose from being a nation in an unequal union, and subsequently avoid feeling resentment towards Denmark, whom he’s always cared for and perhaps even looked up to despite everything. His referring to Denmark as “anko” despite being roughly the same age as him can perhaps be interpreted as a sign of this (arguably unwarranted) trust.

So in short, a prolonged sense of powerlessness led Norway to become emotionally detached as a form of defense mechanism, while affection for his childhood friend made him reluctant to put his foot down when Denmark’s arrogance and blind optimism threatened to get out of hand. All this serves to expedite the standoffishness I mentioned earlier that is typical of his character.

Thus, if we accept the theory (note the italics) of Denmark once upon a time being abusive, I personally find it plenty believable that Norway would just, well, lie back and take it. In part because he cares deeply for Denmark and is dependent on him in a bit of an unhealthy way (there’s already a wonderfully insightful post right here on tumblr addressing Norway’s shyness and how his trust in Denmark sometimes manifests as crassness, so I’m not gonna go into that here), and in part because he knows being submissive is the path of least resistance. Taking whatever Denmark the person inflicts on him would still be far more ideal than going to war with or losing the support of Denmark the nation. So yeah, lie back and think of yourself, I guess.

In this regard Norway’s mentality is drastically different from that of Denmark and Sweden’s, which is that one should always fight a losing battle if the alternative is being trod on. He acts more according to strategy, while the other two act more according to pride and passion. The upside is that, being more pragmatic and knowing his limits, he knows better where and how to deploy his strengths; the downside is that he can at times come off as a bit of a pushover.

Incidentally, this is why I find WWII history to be so damn interesting in terms of the Nordic’s characterisations, because we get to see the Viking Trio seemingly go against everything that had until then defined their personalities. To be fair, this is way after all that fucked up shit with the treaties of Fredrikshamn and Kiel, which I consider a major turning point (or mental growth spur, if you will) for all five Nordics, so I reckon it all still kind of makes sense because of the wonderful mechanics of character development? But then again, that’s an essay for another time!

A bit on Denmark

I like to think of Denmark’s behaviour during his youth as the result of a misguided desire to “play house”—out of love for his family (arguably for Norway in particular) he wishes to keep them safe, and what better way to do that than keeping them all under his wing? Sure, I’m ready to believe at least some part of him was fueled by bloodlust and a thirst for power, as is often the case with nations, but in general he simply didn’t know better.

In the mean time, Norway’s docile compliance did nothing to curb this misconception; worst case scenario, it only served to fuel it, make Denmark feel like he really was the leader and that it was his obligation to be in charge for the sake of them both. I consider their relationship in this time period to be quite toxic, even though related strips show them to be closer than ever.

For me, a significant part of Denmark’s character development is him realising that the happiness of his loved ones should not have to depend on him, and that one can be loved without being needed (in terms of DenNor, it’s him learning to love Norway as an equal and not just someone to be protected/coddled).

For Norway it’s the opposite—he learns to regain control over his own life, to stand up for himself and to love Denmark without taking any bullshit from him.

[ijaws]

@oh-just-hazel

Racism

I agree. Reverse Racism doesn’t exist. 

Racism exists. There’s no ‘reverse’ or cute little terms to replace it like Racial Prejudice. Hell, Racial Prejudice falls under the definition of Racism in every single dictionary I could find on a quick google search. I’m sorry, but if you provide any sort of Racial Discrimination, Prejudices, or Racial Superiority Propoganda you’re 100% racist. There’s no if/and/or ‘but’s about it. I don’t care what skin color you are. 

If you say that you can’t be racist because you’re a minority you’re delusional or brainwashed. If you discriminate or are prejudiced against anyone based on their skin color, you are no better than or different from a White Racist. None. You are BOTH equally wrong and I will treat both as you should be treated. As racist scumbags who don’t deserve to breathe the same air I do for being such braindead human beings that shouldn’t have the right to procreate.

Black person expressing Racial Prejudice = White person expressing Racial Prejudice

There’s no difference. They are both equally shitty people and if you defend that Black Person then you are literally advocating for Black Racism. You are actively defending racist behavior. It would be NO different than me defending a White Racist.

Source Material

I’m going to clear up my position on this subject. If you do not believe me on here, then look through some of my other posts regarding Ariel. 

I believe that if a character was created a specific way with specific traits that those specific traits should stay the same with every depiction of the character onward. Now there can be adaptations of the character, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you can’t take a character named Jimmy and make him a woman and still call him Jimmy. You can’t take a White Character named Jimmy and make him Black and still call him Jimmy. That’s not how that works. Jimmy, if he was established as a White Character, is, well, White. Jimmy isn’t Black. The same goes for a Black Character. Let’s say that Micheal is Black. You can’t take Micheal and make him White and still call him Micheal. That’s not how that works. Micheal ISN’T White. Micheal wasn’t established as a White Character. 

So if you established Cinderella as a White Princess, then she is a WHITE Princess. If you establish Snow White as a White Princess, then she’s a White Princess. If you establish Belle from Beauty and the Beast as White (eventually a White Princess) then she is WHITE. If you establish Tiana is a BLACK Princess, then she is a BLACK Princess. If you establish Mulan as an Asian Warrior Princess, then she’s an ASIAN Warrior Princess. If you establish Pocahontas as a Native American Princess, then she’s a Native American Princess. If you establish that a character is Gay, then that character is a GAY character. If you establish that they are a lesbian, then that character is a lesbian character. 

If you establish Ariel as White with Red hair and Blue eyes, then she is WHITE with RED HAIR and BLUE EYES. 

Ariel does not have dark eyes, african hair, and dark skin. Pocahontus doesn’t have pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes does she? No. She doesn’t. Therefore if I changed Pocahontas to have pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes would she still be Pocahontas? I want to answer this. Like. Legit. Would she, or would she not, still be Pocahontas? If she isn’t then you are racist just like how you’re trying to point me out as racist.

“Her story revolves around her being Native-” Oooh, okay. So that means I can go and make Falcon from the MCU into a pale skinned, brown haired, blue eyed White guy? After all, his race doesn’t matter too much to his character. It should be PERFECTLY acceptable for me to change his race then. Oh, what about Colonel James Rhodes? AKA War Machine? You know, Don Cheadle’s character. I can go and change his race right? That’ll be perfectly acceptable, right? After all, him being Black does nothing to story and isn’t important to HIS character. 

Oh, I can’t do that because it will be Whitewashing? Then why is it okay for a Black Person to take the role of a White Person where the race doesn’t matter then? Isn’t that Blackwashing? Oh, so Blackwashing isn’t a thing because there’s been oppression in the past that no one alive today has the power to do anything about yet somehow we have to pay for something that neither you or I was a part of? Silly me. (Yeah, all that was sarcasm) 

Either it is okay for everyone to disrespect culture, established characters, and the authors original intent and depict any character however they want to treat them no matter what race they are, or no one should be allowed to do any of that and they should respect source material and author intent. 

I will be 100% convinced that if you continue to play around with words and weasel your way into justifying the erasure of Classical White Characters that you are 100% trying to establish a double standard and perpetuate a double standard. You will be trying to say that it is okay for POCs to do something and White people can’t. That you are trying to say that POCs can take whatever role they want and if White People say anything in protest that they’re immediately somehow racist. I’ll COMPLETELY ignore the fact that if you, yes you, did the exact same thing about a White Person taking a POC role that you somehow aren’t racist when I would be when it comes to White Characters. 

Do you not see how fucked up that is? I am not racist. I don’t care about skin color. I have lived in Italy, Japan, and multiple different states in the US. Hell, I’ve actually experienced racism as the victim in Japan (it could have been xenophobia though), and I have experienced racism in a Black Majority town that I used to live in. (There were 3 Black People to 1 White/Other person. I was lucky to get a job in that town according to my Black Coworkers. The GM of the company I was working for didn’t like White People. A lot of companies there were like that.) However, I learned about other cultures by witnessing them first-hand and came to respect them. 

My mother and father taught me that people were people. It didn’t matter what they looked like. My mother and father told me that racists were disgusting and slavery was completely wrong. The told me that hat if they ever caught me picking on someone because of their skin color I was going to get the beating of my life. (My Dad told me that one actually.) My Dad went into the US Military and that is where I met people of all sorts of ethnicities and nationalities. I NEVER experienced racism until I got back to the US after being overseas collectively around 8 years. In DODDs Schools (Military Schools), which I was in for nearly all of my education, my classmates were the children of Military Parents like I was. In the Military, the US Military anyway, you can be punished for something your kid does. You can get in severe trouble. That’s why I feel a majority of my classmates were well behaved. I rarely saw fights, everyone was very chill, racism was nonexistent (We could openly make race jokes with each other and we’d all be chill pretty much. None of us gave a fuck.), and the teachers were badass af. Obviously a majority of them had been prior Military individuals themselves. 

Besides that, when I was overseas a majority of my friends were people of color. Black People, Asians, Middle Eastern Kids, etc. Hispanic. I had friends that came from all over the place. Yet, if I was racist, why would I want anything to do with them? If I was racist why would I condemn Whitewashing? If I was racist why would I advocate for a Disney Princess from Africa based on Afircan Culture? If I was racist why would I condemn the Alt-Right, the KKK, Nazi’s, Hitler, and the Ayran Brotherhood? If I was racist then why would I, if I had the power, go back and try to prevent slavery from even happening? If I was racist why would I be wanting Marvel and other Movie Studios to be making MORE POC movies on characters like Borther Voodoo, Static Shock (LOVED that show as a kid holy fuck), John Stewart, Steel (Henry John Irons. He looks cool af), SPAWN!!! (I heard they’re supposed to be doing a new movie but I dunno. I’d be excited either way.), etc.? 

Why would I want any of that? Tell me. I REALLY want to know how I’m racist.

Is it because I want a classical White character to STAY WHITE?! Wouldn’t you want Black characters to stay Black?! How are YOU not racist for that when I AM?! The double standards are REEEAAALLLY starting to piss me off here. 

Bottom line is that I’m not racist for wanting a character to stay true to their source material. 

If I am racist for wanting Ariel to be White, when she was depicted as White in both the 1839 Publication in DENMARK and the 1989 Disney film, then you HAVE to say that Black People who are racist for wanting Blade to stay Black as he has been since the ‘70s… Fair is fair or there’s a double standard… Or you have to admit that White people, oh, I dunno, are just getting pissed because they’re having every single character that they love systematically replaced by POCs, essentially altering the characters they love completely. 

I also want to point out that people were mad about this stuff too. 

Hunger Games got the cat wrong in the movies. People made such a huge deal out of that they went back and fixed it. Here’s the cats. 

People were also about the Percy Jackson movie when they got Annabeth’s look wrong. Annabeth is a REALLY tan girl with really bright blonde hair and gray eyes. This is who they cast as Annabeth… 

 A majority of us are feeling THIS way about Ariel. It’s not because she’s Black. It’s because she looks NOTHING like fucking Airel. Where’s her red, full, flowing hair? Where’s her bright blue eyes? Where’s her pale skin? Where’s the fucking resemblance to ARIEL??!?

Article

I can destroy that entire article with just a few observations. 

Aladdin (1992) - There were quite literally no white people in this film and it is still one of the most widely celebrated Disney Films of all time. Jasmine, Aladdin, Jafar, and even Genie are not Whitewashed at ALL. I’m talking appearances here. Voice Actor skin color is meaningless. People who make a big deal out of that have mental issues. Jasmine is still portrayed as extremely beautiful and she IS a Princess! It states that in the movie. The Princess and the Street Rat. Honestly, it was one of my favorite movies as a kid! And I’m WHITE! Sure, this movie taught people that WASN’T beautiful and valuable because she wasn’t white and that she WASN’T a Princess because she wasn’t White. 

Pocahontas (1995) - LITERALLY showed a White Man falling in love with a Native American. Pocahontas who is an actual Princess as she’s listed as one of the Princesses in Disney's Princess Lineup. Guess what… Pocahontas is NOT White! -Gasp- A WHITE man fell for a Princess that WASN’T White?! I thought that in order to be beautiful and full of value as well as a princess that you HAD to be White?!

Mulan (1998) - Another one of Disney’s top most celebrated movies of all time with not a SINGLE White Person on screen! (It’s almost as if White People in general aren’t racist or something.) It was a story about female empowerment at this point and that you can be a badass Warrior Princess AND be beautiful as well! Oh, and guess what, she wasn’t white either and she’s a princess too… Weird… I thought that Disney was trying to indoctrinate young white people that only White Women could be Beautiful Princesses. 

Tiana (2009) - ….. Do I even need to say anything here? 

Yes, the power of Folk Tales is their adaptability over time, but, again, if you’re doing, you know, a REMAKE and not a fucking ADAPTATION then why the FUCK would cast someone that wasn’t ACCURATE to the fucking REMAKE?! I’m literally losing braincells here trying to dumb myself down to understand this stupid ass shit. 

 White Culture

Culture / cul·ture /ˈkəlCHər/

noun

1. The arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively.

"20th century popular culture"

Synonyms: the arts, the humanities

2. ------> The customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group. <------

"Caribbean culture" 

Synonyms: ----->civilization, society, way of life, lifestyle; More<------

Tell me. What were English, Scottish, Russian, Polish, French, and Scandinavian People were before they began their colonial eras? Hmm…? Oh, that’s right… They were White. How many Ethnicities of Europe are there? Well from what I can tell there’s White People and Mediteranean people. A majority of the continent, though, is inhabited by White People while Mediteranean people tend to be situated, obviously, along the Southern Coast of Europe. 

Generally when you think of a region you associate it with its people. In Asia you immediately think Chinese, Japenes, and so on. Why? Well look at the populations and their culture. They inhabit a majority of the land nearly, except Russia as it spans both continents, and have the largest population on this planet. You don’t typically think of Middle Easterners and Indians as Asian even though they are. Are Asians now guilty of what White People in Europe are then? They had too many kids and established themselves as a Majority in Asia? The horror! Look at Africa now… When you think of Africa you don’t tend to think of White People or Middle Eastern People. You think of Black Africans with rich culture and lands. Even though the VERY South and North African regions of the continent are White and Middle Eastern looking. (White in the South. Middle Easter in the North.) You don’t tend to think of Egyptians as Africans either when you think of Africa. 

With that being said, every culture on this Planet and its people tend to group together. White People, Black People, Native Americans, Asians, etc. You tend to group with who you’re familiar with and who look like you. You’re more empathetic with them. I’m pretty sure you could have a Korean and a Japanese person in the US and they’d gravitate towards each other because of their similarities. Same with White People. Collectivism happens. When people identify themselves they say they’re Asian, White, Black, Latino, etc. What do you associate with when it comes to White People? Oh, that’s right. Americans and Europeans. That’s where a majority of White People are located. White People also have their own cultures like Asians and Africans do. Therefore if you can say that something is a part of African culture, then you can say that something is a part of White Culture as well. 

This is how that works. “Whiteness,” is its own topic. It has no standing in regards to the topic at hand as it has nothing to do with what we are talking about. We are talking about collections of peoples and nationalities. White People are a collection of, you guessed it, White Individuals and their cultures. 

England, Scotland, Russia, Polish, Scandinavia, Germany, Switzerland, France, Ukraine, Austria, Hungary, etc. All of these countries are essentially White Populations. White People. They ALL have their own cultures and beliefs… The bottom line, though, is that they’re White. They LITERALLY are White People. Collectively they are White People. Therefore, White People are a thing. I am white. I consider myself a White American with ancestry from Northern Europe. I consider them, as well as other White People as part of my kin. MY people. WHITE PEOPLE. Therefore, White People have culture. Hell, we have a fuck ton of cultures. In America it may not be this way because America is a bit complicated to explain, but there you have it. 

This is exactly how Black People look at themselves and their ancestors from Africa. Same with Asians, South Americans, etc. 

History

“When whites talk about reverse discrimination, I feel that they are making a silly argument because what they really want to say is that we, people of color, have the power to do to them what they have done to us from the 13th century.

But If you think about it, reverse racism is actually kinda great. Because if it did exist, it would mean we lived in a society in which all racial groups have an equal amount of power. But we don’t.”

Quick question. How old are you? I assume you’re not 800 years old. Do you know anyone in your family that is 800? No? What about 500? Any friends or family? No… hmm… what about 200? No? What about 100? Maybe? Interesting. Well… I’d like to personally tell you that no one in your family, or your friends, have experienced slavery, oppression, unless they’re basically 60 to 100 years old, and that you’ve lived a pretty privileged life. (If you do not believe you’re living a privileged life here, in 2019, I swear I will not be able to take you seriously. Even the poorest people in Modern Countries have it better than nearly every Human in History. That’s not an opinion either.) White People haven’t been doing anything to you or your family. If you’re scared of the people that came before us, don’t be. They’re dead now. Everything’s fine. 

In all seriousness there is no such thing as reverse discrimination. There is ONLY discrimination. Also, I refuse to be held accountable for what my ancestors did. I have no control over that and I should NOT be fucking forced to pay for their mistakes. If I am to pay for their mistakes then I should be fucking praised for my ancestors that faught against Slavery and Oppression. 

Also, really? No POC alive has felt anything remotely as bad as it was at LEAST 150 years ago. No one alive has been a slave. Now there may be some older people out there that witnessed oppression that was protected under the government, but can we look at who was marching along with MLK..? Can we also look at who fought in the Civil War? Can we also look at the people who were slogging through Europe to kill Nazis? 

As for the reverse racism comment… Jesus I’m not even gonna really touch that. 

I would touch on power, but I am having a strong feeling that you’re one of those types that believes in White Privilege, and how the US Govt. is still skulking around the shadows being racist allowing young Black People to be killed and that they DiDn’T Do AnYtHinG WroNg. That the cops literally just want to shoot Black People just because they’re Black and blah blah blah. I won’t even get into that subject because… holy fuck that’s going down the rabbit hole. I’d NEED to do some drugs to stay sane if we talked about that shit. 

 The Most Important Point!

 You’re right. They’ve already cast the wrong actress to play Ariel. It blows… I wish that they would have actually made a film based on ACTUAL African Culture while also taking place off the coasts of Africa itself. You could have had extremely accurate casting choices, no white folk (cause we all know how White People are racist White Devil Colonizers.), and an original story to tell. What would seriously be the best part about ALL that would be the fact that Black Kids would have an ACTUAL tale about their ACTUAL historical culture that would be THEIR OWN! It would be ABOUT them! It wouldn’t be a tokenized White Character you know? 

Also, do you not understand how Tokenizing and Pandering is insulting to POCs? Why casting Ariel this way is an insult to you? 

Do you realize that by doing this Hollywood is essentially telling you, POCs, that this is all you’re ever gonna get? That you’re never going to get any roles or movies that are really YOURS… You’re not going to get original Black Stories, you’re not going to get Original Black Characters, and that all you’re going to get is what White People hand out to you? That all you’re ever going to get is second-rate characters? Doesn’t that piss you off? It would piss me off. Why would you even defending a casting choice like this when you should be DEMANDING an original story with original characters about LEGITIMATE BLACK CULTURES?! 

Oh, is it because of the whole FUCK WHITE PEOPLE thing? An entirely petty, small minded, mindset focused on prolonging racial tension and racism rather than ending it? Cause, you know, you don’t solve hatred with more hatred. You don’t fucking solve culturual appropriation with MORE cultural appropriation. You don’t solve racism with MORE racism. You don’t solve sexism with MORE sexism. To be honest, you would have thought Black Panther would have taught you that lesson…. That’s Ironic. You do know Killmonger was wrong and T’Challa was right, right? 

I dunno. I ranted a lot longer than I thought I would have and got a lot deeper than I thought I would have. Oh well. It’s gotten to the point that I feel like we’re both talking to brick walls while each of us think we’re right while the others wrong. I personally feel that I’m living in reality, but that’s just me… mostly because I haven’t been reading propaganda pieces but… yeah… The signs were when you started bringing up reverse racism… I kinda shoulda back off at that point but yeah… 

Lastly, you literally can’t whitewash a character that’s been white for 200+ years to begin with… so… 

Oh well… I’ve given this my last horah… Oh well… 

[bountyofbeads]

Trump’s Paradigm of the Personal https://nyti.ms/2NwK2xW

Excellent piece by @CharlesMBlow of the Times. Highly recommend, also the comments are interesting as well.

Trump’s Paradigm of the Personal

He confuses the way he thinks he is treated with the well-being of the country.

By Charles M. Blow, Opinion Columnist

Published Aug. 25, 2019 | New York Times | Posted August 26, 2019 |

For Donald Trump, all is personal.

And in his view, he is not the executive of the company. He is the embodiment of the country. He runs the country the way he ran his business, as the curating and promotion of his personal brand.

The people who support him are customers — people to be sold a vision and a dream. The people who criticize or oppose him threaten the brand and must be dealt with.

For Trump, everything is image-based and rooted in the appearance of personal relationships. When the Danish prime minister rebuffed his overture about buying Greenland, calling the idea “absurd,” Trump threw a tantrum and canceled his visit to Denmark.

Trump discussed the episode at one of his press gaggles, calling the prime minister’s response “nasty’ and saying, “We can’t treat the United States of America the way they treated us under President Obama.” He went on to say: “She’s not talking to me. She’s talking to the United States of America. You don’t talk to the United States that way, at least under me.”

No, actually, she was talking to him.

America was not being dismissed or disrespected. This proposal, which sounded like a joke, was being laughed at. And this president hates being laughed at.

Everything in Trump’s view is about whether someone is nice or nasty to him. It’s not about the country at all. It’s not about historical precedent or value of continuity.

His dislike of his predecessors — Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton and even Jimmy Carter — is personal, not rooted in policy. He has a particular obsession with Obama, and has set about to undo everything Obama had done.

It’s petty and small and beneath the presidency, much like Trump himself.

I believe that Trump has had a longstanding belief about how China should be dealt with, but I believe that the current trade war is as much a personal beef with the Chinese president, Xi Jinping. Trump thought that he could play rough and that Xi would fold.

That was silly and shortsighted. The U.S. presidency is term-limited. China’s is not. The Chinese may experience pain from the trade war, but they can afford to wait Trump out.

The fact that Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve, won’t attempt to manipulate the economy in ways Trump thinks would be favorable, but is instead operating as an independent thinker, Trump takes as a personal slight. Trump appointed him. Trump demands loyalty and blind obeisance.

When China announced another round of retaliatory tariffs this week, Trump had a Twitter meltdown, tweeting “... My only question is, who is our bigger enemy, Jay Powell or Chairman Xi?” and sending the markets into a tailspin.

Trump hated North Korea’s Kim Jong-un before he loved him. Kim has played Trump like a fiddle. Kim has baited Trump into two summits, where Trump got nothing and Kim got a priceless public relations moment. Kim can just send Trump love letters and do what he wants and surrender nothing. In Trump’s paradigm of the personal, Kim likes him and is his friend.

Vladimir Putin is also exploiting Trump’s personal need to be liked — his weak man’s desire to be admired by strong men. Trump has a deep and mysterious affection for Putin. Yes, Putin helped to get him elected, but I’m not sure even that explains the way Trump genuflects for him.

Everyone around Trump knows his weakness: He is a bottomless pit of emotional need, someone who desperately wants friends but doesn’t have the emotional quotient to know how to make and keep them. So, they flatter him and inflate him.

They have all become major-league yes men and women.

None of this is good for the country. The presidency is not owned; it is occupied. It is bigger than any man or woman. Men have grown into it, but they have never subsumed it.

The presidency must have one eye on the past and one on the future. It must place national interest over personal interest. It has absolutely nothing to do with any one person’s feelings.

In George Washington’s farewell address of 1796, he said:

“The nation which indulges towards another a habitual hatred or a habitual fondness is in some degree a slave. It is a slave to its animosity or to its affection, either of which is sufficient to lead it astray from its duty and its interest.”

Trump is trying to embody the country and to lead it astray in the way that Washington warned against. Trump is a slave to his emotions, and this impulse is doing great harm to the nation, both internally and on the world stage.

I’m not sure that damage is irreparable. Our democracy, though fragile in many ways, has proved remarkably durable in others. But there is no doubt that the damage Trump is doing is deep and will take time and effort to undo.

Trump’s personal problems will leave a national scar.

COMMENTS FROM READERS, ADD YOUR THOUGHTS AS WELL:

""Trump’s personal problems will leave a national scar." More like an open wound that won't heal. 60 million citizens have succumbed to his bombast, and to date there seems to be no weakening of their support. That will take years if not decades to heal. It may never. Iraq and the Bush years were tragic, but with President Obama we started a recovery. Even with one of the deepest recession, we all pulled together, and we started the to build jobs again and pulled out of the recession quicker than the rest of the world. We lead the way. But literally within days of Trump taking office the country started it's tragic descent into the abyss. And there is no end in sight."

CHERRYLOG754, ATLANTA

"Because this president views himself a king, like Louis XIV, his actions and words smack of "l'etat c'est moi". Which is a fancy way of saying, what Charles just said, he thinks he embodies the nation, not leads it. Which is funny, because if you are the nation, wouldn't you have a better appreciation of its history, culture, mores, and values? One would think so. I watched the world leaders at G-7 and except for Trump, each shows a keen understanding of what their country represents and where it's headed. Even newbie Boris Johnson is well educated, even if his bombast often resembles that of Trump. More important, they know they are leading their entire countries, not just a small base of ardent supporters. Trump's problem is he can't grow his base, because he doesn't want to: the best part of his job is the one he shouldn't be doing on the taxpayers' dime: holding political rallies to boost his ego." CHRISTINE MCM, MASSACHUSETTS

" In other words Charles, Trump lacks the temperament to be President. Anyone who is honest with him/herself knows that. Even the Republicans in Congress know this. The problem is that neither they nor Trump's base care."

JAY ORCHARD , MIAMI FL

"It makes a sort of sense that Trump expected his "tough guy" act with President Xi would result in Xi giving in. Just as he thought his thrown down the papers and stamp out of the room would make Speaker Pelosi grovel for whatever he wanted. Trump, in the private sector, could choose his victims, and he made sure they would at least perceive he was far richer and more powerful, (whether he was or not) so he could, bluster and rage, doing as he pleased and demanding whatever he wanted. That doesn't work when you become a public employee, which the President is, and Trump has no other rabbits to pull out of that same tired stage hat. And he clearly can't figure out why it's not working any more."

1DCAce, LOS ANGELES CA

"There's nothing mysterious about the President's admiration for Mr. Putin. Putin has made Russia into exactly what Mr. Trump would like to make the United States: an authoritarian plutocracy where the super-rich can do absolutely anything they want — except dispute the legitimacy of the government — while everyone else is kept in line by voter suppression, state-controlled media and churches, and an intimidating security apparatus."

JL WILLIAMS, WAHOO NE

"From my understanding of Trump, his greatest fear, going back to his early days in NYC, is that he is not taken seriously. It's an old vs new money sort of thing, as far as I can tell. He tried to buy his way into big money society by assuming a false name and giving the media false numbers about his personal wealth he was so desperate to prove his real worth. He put gold plate on everything he touched, hoping that would show how wealthy he was. Still, no one took him seriously. And now he's finding that world leaders fail to take him seriously as well. You can almost hearing him thinking -- I'm in the White House, surely they'll take me seriously now. But alas, he's the poor little sort-of-rich boy that no one wants to play with. He doesn't care about the country. He only cares about himself. And he still finds that no one takes him seriously. Sad, as he used to like to say."

AVRDS, MONTANA

"Excellent observations as usual from Charles Blow. I would only add that Trump's form of mental illness is dangerous. It is not innocuous, rather it is pervasive and boundless. That renders him an immediate dangerous to our nation. Immediate. That means he must be removed office immediately. Failure to do so opens the door to sheer disaster and that is exactly what we are looking at everyday he remains office. Disaster." INDEPENDANT, ALABAMA

"After World War 2, our allies respected the United States. Mr Trump has destroyed this respect. Now, our once-firm allies are looking to go around the United States and put their countries first. This will result in a race to the bottom. Trump has diminished the US - and succeeded in making China and Russia great. However, it’s important to remember the this isn’t just Mr. Trump. The vast majority of Republicans like what Mr Trump does, not seeing the damage and reveling in his tough-guy rhetoric. When the damage becomes too obvious to ignore, they’ll say that Trump was’t really a Republican (as they did with George W Bush) They will also, of course, blame Democrats for the consequences of Republican policies. Pity that Republicans, including Mr Trump, seem incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions."JOHN M, OAKLAND

"For Trump, the sun rises and sets in himself. He cannot conceive of anything without inserting himself somehow. He cannot make any move without calculating how it will benefit him personally. The farthest from what a leader should be."NM, NY

"In my more than 60 years I have never experienced a President who truly believed the nation, the American people, excluded all who did not support him. Nor millions of my neighbors who were fine with that idea if they considered themselves as part of that group of supporters. This, to me, is among the most dangerous things which this man has unleashed. My disappointment in my neighbors goes very deep. We will get past Trump, but not the millions of our fellows who like him."DAGWOOD, SAN DIEGO

"Countries can tragically and suddenly head in the wrong direction. In the 1930s, Germans were the most educated in Europe with Berlin the leading city in Europe. Ten years later, the country and most of Europe was destroyed. 75 million dead. It can happen here." SOMEWHERE, AZ

"I have a hard time seeing where it is all personal with Trump. He is faithfully carrying out two agendas, one of the white nationalists and one of the extreme libertarians. It is hard to tell how much of his rolling back of Obama's accomplishments are personal and how much is agenda driven. There seems little question that Trump will have done permanent damage. Western countries will no long be able to trust the US again as they did in the past as another Trump could be elected in any future election. It cannot be quantified how much he has set back efforts to fight climate change but it would seem to be considerable. Can white nationalism be put back in the bottle? That seems unlikely. Trump has uncorked some of the worst stuff in the US population. It is anybody's guess whether the country can return to its previous level of civility." BOB, HUDSON VALLEY

"In the same address Washington also spoke about the three big threats that could destroy America: too much debt, influence of foreign interests and political partisanship. hmmmm" AERYS

"People keep trying to find rational explanations for Trump's behavior. I don't think he generally acts from anything more complicated than going with what makes him feel good. He, and those around him, often say that when he feels attacked, he punches back. That is consistent with a lot of the strange things he has done. Punching back makes him feel strong and he likes that feeling. The problem is that governing is complicated. If Trump's feelings are hurt, he seems to feel justified in throwing a temper tantrum. That tendency to bluster in an effort to intimidate may work for male gorillas, but leaders of governments ought to know better." BETTY S, UPSTATE NY

“The U.S. presidency is term-limited.” The US presidency was term-limited. Does anyone really think he’s joking when he talks about being in office another 10 or 14 years? He’s not going to leave willingly. The bottom line here might end up being whether the military will support his coup."

CLAIRE ELLIOTT, EUGENE OR

"Rather than making America great again, 45 has made America a second rate country. Our allies no longer trust us to keep our word. Our enemies see that our leadership is faltering. It will take years perhaps decades to regain the trust we once enjoyed throughout the world. People see that 45 has not thought out anything he says past the current news cycle. There is no vision for America, no grand plan, nothing."

PSCHWIMER

"Now that this "president" has decided that he has the authority to order America's private businesses to cease all operations in China (which would entail crippling a great many of them financially), it seems to me that the 25th Amendment truly needs to be invoked. Which is to say that the walking apparition named Mike Pence should visit the Oval Office along with the leaders of both houses of Congress and as many of Trump's cabinet members as can be rustled up and tell our delusional chief executive that he has no such authority over private industry and that he should immediately and publicly acknowledge this. He should also explain that the order he had delivered was intended only as a suggestion or a recommendation. Should he refuse to go along with this, it would be clear that he's fully entered the realm of madness (as his private obsession with China would already seem to indicate) and that his removal from office would thereby become necessary. If we weren't already at such a critical juncture we could spend a good deal of time discussing Trump's own business connections with Beijing and arguing that his preference for having his (and Ivanka's) branded merchandise produced there should dictate that he not impugn other American business executives for doing the same thing (let alone "order" them to cease doing so). It's too late for idle speculation, however. Mad King Donald really has to go." STU FREEMAN, BROOKLYN

"I have to think that Washington's words would be met by Trump with blank incomprehension, not merely because the language is hard (by comparison with Trump's own "cartoon-bubble" mode of communication) but because understanding it would require Trump to betray his own most firmly-held convictions." PORTLAND, OR

"Thank you, Mr. Blow, for another strong column. This president's bizarre behaviors have led to complete demoralization and discouragement for U.S. citizens. How can a powerful country be so feckless when it comes to getting him out? Someone commented that the 25th amendment wouldn't work because it's for cases of complete incapacity. I assume they mean physical incapacity. In the case of mental/emotional incapacity, does a President have to be drooling and catatonic, or fly into a rage on television? Is it not enough that he lies constantly, proposes buying another country, frequently insults allies, calls himself the chosen one, decrees that private businesses shall exit China, and flip-flops in divergent directions on important national policies during the same 24-hour period? If it were another president in another time, members of Congress would have taken Trump in hand and led him away to restore order and standing to our country. But no, Congress is on vacation and Trump golfs while the Amazon burns."GWOO, HONOLULU

"The Greenland episode is classic Trump: throw out a crazy initial offer and see what happens. But international politics is not pure business. Greenland was never up for sale by Denmark. Trump's behavior makes him look wholly irrational and by extension makes the American voting public look like a population of fools. Trump displays isolationism with "America First." Other countries should take this seriously. In fact, they should quarantine the United States. They should do so until America can figure out how to elect a sane president and a stable cast of supporting legislators in Congress. Indeed Trump has a penchant for calling those he dislikes "nasty," but that term is reserved for women in power, such as HRC and the prime minister of Denmark. Trump befriends ruthless dictators in countries like North Korea, Russia and Saudi Arabia -- leaders who actively torture and kill their people -- without referring to them in this way. Trump is also already backtracking on China. He will not let the economy crumble before the election: after all, it's his only real "selling point." Trump maintains a particular disdain for Obama because he is black and Trump is an overt racist, as demonstrated by violations of the Fair Housing Act in the 1970s to the Central Park Five to birtherism to Charlottesville to the Squad. The election next year is bound to be a close one. Do what you can to see that Trump does not win a second term."

BLUE MOON, OLD PUEBLO

[solrosan]

Great Coat of Arms of Sweden

First I want to say “I fucking knew it!” The coat of arms shown at the end of Eggsy and Tilde’s wedding is the actual Great Coat of Arms of the Kingdom of Sweden. Then I suppose I have to admit that checking this was one of the main reasons I went to watch it in cinema for a second time...

And now when I’ve finally got my DVD + time to do this, let me bore you with some information about it and tell you how this proves (against all my personal headcanons) that Tilde is a Bernadotte and part of the longest reign royal family in Swedish history (celebrating 200 years this year).

The first picture is the best screengrab I managed as the camera swept past it in the church and the second is the Great Coat of Arms of the Kingdom of Sweden. As you can see, they are the same!

A coat of arms is, in simple terms, a symbol of a person, family, or organization.  Sweden has two official coats of arms, a greater one (as seen above) and a lesser one. (you can see it here) The greater one is the personal coat of arms of the Head of State. In other words, it’s the monarch’s coat of arms. The lesser one is, in lack of a better way of phrasing it, ours. Never mind that it’s used for the government, the police, the military etc. It belongs to all Swedes, not as in “we all have a coat of arms” but as in “we’ve claimed the symbol of the three golden crowns and you can try stopping us from using it.” Like... our national hockey teams which just landed in South Korea are officially called “The Three Crowns” and “The Lady Crowns” and wears them on their uniforms.

Moving on, you’re not interested in that... and I wasn’t supposed to talk about the lesser one. The lesser one is, however, part of the greater one, so I’m allowed.

How much Swedish history can you stomach? None? Okay. Sorry, I can’t do that.

I can, however, start with the actual Kingsman fandom relevant part.

As I said, the greater coat of arms is the monarch’s personal coat of arms. It represents the reign king or queen -- in this case, Tilde’s dad -- and by extension their family.

The crown, the lions, the four quarterings, the collar of the Royal Order of the Seraphim, and the golden cross are all pretty generic symbols in Swedish royal  heraldry tradition. The inescutcheon (which I like to call the heart shield, but have been told it’s not called at all) on the other hand is used to show hereditary arms. Which means, going by how they use the actual Great Coats of Arms of the Kingdom of Sweden, that Tilde’s dad is a Bernadotte.

What this means in terms of inverse reality, I don’t know. It goes against all my headcanons and makes me low-key sad since I’m going with a counterfactual history where Prince Karl Adolf didn’t die and actually became king making the inverse royal family of Holstein-Gottorp. I might get back to exploring how to shoehorn Tilde into the Bernadotte later. ETA: I thought about it! Here it is! Short story: our currently king was never born, Prince Bertil is Tilde’s grandfather.

Now, let’s get back to the coat of arms if anyone is still interested! 

To the left of the inescutcheon is the coat of arms for House of Vasa. The first Swedish king of this house, Gustav Eriksson Vasa, is the reason thousands of idiots travel 90 km on skis between Sälen and Mora each year and the rebel who made his country leave a union 500 years before David Cameron was born.

(Side note to all the Danes out there: if you honestly believe Sweden was Danish during the Kalmar Union then you can’t claim that Denmark exists anymore since Denmark is a part of the European Union.)

Gustav Eriksson Vasa was a rebel, a reformer, a businessman, a tyrant, an oath breaker, a child wedder, a murderer, and... the one who lay the foundation of the Lutheran protestant tax loving Sweden we see today. He was also the person who decided that the Swedish crown should be passed on from father to son. And that’s his family coat of arms.

The right side of the inescutcheon is the coat of arms of Jean Baptiste Bernadotte as prince of Ponte Corvo and Marshal of France (which -- and this I had to look up -- apparently is a combo of Napoleon Bonaparte’s and Ponte Corvo’s coats of arms). Those of you who knows your Swedish history, knows that Jean Baptiste Bernadotte had a tattoo on his chest that said “Death to kings” which is ironic since he died as King Charles XIV John of Sweden. (If you really know your Swedish history you know that the part about the tattoo is untrue, but it’s a good story.)

The first and fourth quartering (I want to say third, because math, but sure) are the coat of arms for Albrekt of Mecklenburg who was King of Sweden in the late 14th century. He created it after overthrowing the House of Folkung and deciding that it wouldn’t do to use their coat of arms as his own. 

Why he decided on three crowns or what they might symbolize has been debated over the centuries, but it’s likely that it’s either the three wise men or the three kingdoms Sweden once was. Or why not both? Either way, it’s ours now.

Also, tough luck, Albrekt! Guess what! The second and third quartering are the coat of arms of the House of Folkung -- the golden lion on three silver rods on blue background. (If anyone has watched the Swedish movie Arn - The Knight Templer then it might interest you to know that he’s a Folkung.)

The collar around the shield is the collar of the Order of the Seraphim which Tilde’s mum and dad wears at the dinner with Eggsy. The crown is there because it’s royal and the lions... there are always lions. I’m sure there’s a fascinating story somewhere but I can’t be arsed to look it up.

Lastly, the golden cross. It is, unsurprisingly, the cross from the flag. There is this lovely myth about Saint Erik, king of Sweden back in the day when we were Catholics in the 12th century, being away at a crusade in Finland (because it’s what you did back then) and seeing a burning cross in the sky and hearing God’s voice telling him that under this symbol, he would be victorious. In a more atheistic version of the story, it’s an old rebel flag when Charles VIII of Sweden (that’s Karl Knutsson Bonde for all the Swedes out there) went to war against the Danes in the 15th century, using Albrekt and the House of Folkung’s colours as inspiration for a remake of the Danish red and white flag.

Even if all of the things in the former paragraph can and should be taken with a grain of salt, known is that Charles VIII was the one who designed the coat of arms shield that is used today and that the Swedish flag is considered the second oldest national flag in the world, the Danish being the oldest.

(Last, I just want to say that I’m sorry, I know it’s often preferred to call House of Folkung the House of Bjälbo these days to avoid confusions, but I honestly wouldn’t know who I was talking about if I did. #oldschoolhistory)

[nitrateglow]

Favorite film discoveries of 2017

Most represented year: 1967 with three movies

Most represented director(s): GW Pabst and Yevgeni Bauer tie with two movies apiece

While I didn’t get to watch as many new movies (feature-length and shorts) as I did in 2016 (slightly over 200 as compared to slightly over 400), it was certainly a case of quality over quantity.

Wait Until Dark (dir. Terence Young, 1967)

I am so glad I followed a whim and watched Wait Until Dark when it aired fairly late on Turner Classic Movies on a weekday night in June; I was tired all morning at work the next day, but it was so worth it. This underrated movie made me jump twice, and scared the crap out of me in ways more explicit horror movies and thrillers have failed to do. Often praised for how it builds suspense, particularly in its final twenty minutes, this movie also sports great performances from Audrey Hepburn as the determined heroine caught in a deadly game and Alan Arkin as the sadistic thug preying upon her, as well as a deft illustration of the art of set-up and pay-off. Hepburn’s performance is among the best of her career: not only is she convincing as a blind woman, she’s emotionally vulnerable yet badass and smart, very much like a Miyazaki heroine. More than merely a story of a woman surviving a dangerous situation with a visual impairment, it’s a story about a woman learning her disability need not define her or limit her independence. I’ve re-watched Wait Until Dark close to ten times in the past six months; it is remarkable how the tension and sinister atmosphere continue to hold up, especially when the most horrifying things are only threatened, implied, or committed offscreen. It’s easily a new favorite of mine.

(Read my longer review here.)

Martin (dir. George Romero, 1978)

The late George Romero once claimed he considered Martin the best of his movies because it was the least compromised by outside meddling. A satirical and revisionist take on the vampire myth that doubles as a character study of a lonely man, Martin is largely unsung in the history of horror, which is a big shock to me. Though Night of the Living Dead is more influential and iconic, I think Martin is the better movie; at the very least, it is the more mature movie of these two great classics, made by a filmmaker more assured in his own storytelling. John Amplas is amazing as the socially awkward vampire who tries to reconcile his bloodlust with his desire to find true human connections. It takes a special talent to make a character who does some truly heinous things sympathetic and even lovable, but Amplas does it and makes such a feat seem effortless. The home invasion sequence in the middle of the movie is worth the price of admission alone; it scared the hell out of me, that’s for certain! Martin surely deserves a solid home video release—dare I say the Criterion Collection should pick it up for distribution? It merits more than the minor and very sporadic releases it’s had over the years, and it certainly deserves a bigger audience.

(Read my longer review here.)

The 3-Penny Opera (dir. GW Pabst, 1931)

The 3-Penny Opera could easily compete with Pennies from Heaven for Most Cynical Movie Musical. Pabst’s adaptation of the Brecht stage production is at once entertaining and kind of depressing. Its criminal protagonists run the gamut from being charming rogues to downright vicious murderers. Their London underworld is decidedly expressionistic, coated in grime and cast in dramatic shadows, yet there is nothing romantic about any of it: this is a nasty world with nasty people inhabiting it. Nevertheless, these unsavory criminals are witty and human, and the film remains one of the most vibrant of the early talkie era.

Day of Wrath (dir. Carl Th. Dreyer, 1943)

I didn’t fully understand this movie, but it touched something deep within me. The story takes place in the somber world of 17th century Denmark, where a pastor’s much-younger wife falls in love with her stepson and embraces the darker side of her nature. The acting is passionate and the slow-burn pacing does well to add to the tension and paranoia. Dreyer’s heroine Anne (played with a quiet and at times sensual intensity by Lisbeth Movin) is a marvelous character, dynamic and bewitching (no pun intended). Initially, we think she is an ingenue, but as she becomes aware of her powers, she becomes more open and independent in a society where these qualities mark her for trouble. Unlike the titular character of Dreyer’s more famous The Passion of Joan of Arc, I’m not sure if Anne ever gets any kind of grace or peace. The film is enigmatic and unforgettable, and now I’m itching to rent it from my local library once again.

After Death (dir. Yevgeni Bauer, 1915)

I don’t want to say After Death is cinema’s first great ghost story because claiming anything to be a “first” when it comes to movies is a dangerous pastime, but regardless, it’s one great ghost story. It tells the story of a young man who becomes obsessed with a deceased stage actress. Having rejected her love when she was alive, he falls madly in love with an idealized notion of who she was once she kills herself. He is haunted by her image (or rather, the image of her as a virtuous, devoted maiden more in tune with Victorian ideals of womanhood than the modern, elusive character she actually appeared to be) and this torments him into madness. Psychologically complex, After Death says much about the line between delusion and love, and its characters are hardly simplistic archetypes of melodrama. The actress’s motivations for her suicide are not clear-cut and her posthumous admirer is a man in love with an idea more than he is with a woman. Cinematically, After Death is hardly primitive either: its use of long-shot, camera movement, and mise-en-scene feel quite modern.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (dir. James Gunn, 2017)

If you told me I would be excited for any new Marvel movies earlier this year, I would have laughed. I’ve never hated the MCU, but I’ve never been compelled by what I’ve seen either, at least not to the degree other people seem to be. However, seeing the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel in May changed my outlook entirely. I don’t care what the critics have to say: this movie is way superior to the original movie from 2014. The visuals are more interesting, the old-school pop music is more creatively woven into the narrative, and the story takes these characters into darker, more emotional territory. My sister and I went back to the theater to see it four times. I’ve NEVER seen a single movie that often in the cinema—I never imagined I’d do so for a Marvel film. After having seen and loved Thor: Ragnarok as well, I’m actually excited for Infinity War. That’s crazy to me, but it goes to show how our tastes can expand in surprising ways over time.

The Young Girls of Rochefort (dir. Jacques Demy, 1967)

Despite the candy color palettes and fairy tale motifs of his oeuvre, most viewers would probably not classify Jacques Demy as a feel-good filmmaker. His films are often about the bittersweet in life: disappointments and disillusionment abound even in a straightforward fantasy like his adaptation of Donkey Skin. However, The Young Girls of Rochefort is an anomaly in this respect, a musical comedy in which all past disappointments are mended and true love wins the day. Complete with catchy musical numbers and outstanding choreography, this is just one of those movies that has me grinning from ear to ear. The only other movie musical which has a similar effect on me is Singin’ in the Rain and I would absolutely claim this film to be that classic’s equal. About the only sour note in the film is the knowledge that one of its stars, the charming Francoise Dorleac, would be killed before her time in a car crash shortly after filming. Seeing her here, so alive and charismatic, makes one mourn for the career that never got the chance to flower, but at least we have this marvelous tribute to the classic Hollywood musical and her other work.

The Hitch-Hiker (dir. Ida Lupino, 1953)

The Hitch-Hiker is a bold, underrated noir suspense-thriller that attacks Hollywood-style masculinity in bold ways. Two men are held hostage by a psychopathic hitch-hiker they picked up during a brief fishing trip. Making it clear he’s going to kill them eventually, these guys try to find a way to escape without getting a bullet between the eyes. This movie plays the scenario without macho heroics: the hostages are ordinary men who are terrified for their lives. Instead of making them out to be cowards, Lupino goes against our expectations of what “real men” are like by showing how these men-in-distress rather realistically interact with a total maniac, played to chilling perfection by William Talman. Nightmarish and tightly written, I highly recommend this to all film noir aficionados, as well as people who think all Old Hollywood movies upheld conventional views of gender behavior.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (dir. Stanley Kubrick, 1964)

After my viewing of Dr. Strangelove, I finally saw all of Kubrick’s filmography, from his 1950s shorts to Eyes Wide Shut, and yet I was not sad because one of Kubrick’s greatest strengths is that his films are endlessly rewatchable. Dr. Strangelove is certainly that. You would think a political satire so closely tied to the culture and politics of the decade in which it was made would date despite its great performances and stellar cinematography. But no. If anything, this movie has become relevant yet again in the light of recent world events. It hasn’t dated in the slightest, which both delights and terrifies me.

The In-Laws (dir. Arthur Hiller, 1979)

I rarely belly laugh when watching comedies by myself. It doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself, but I usually need to be watching funny movies with other people in order to really have my sides split. The In-Laws proved itself a rare exception to that trend: I laughed loud and hard twice, at one point even ending up on the floor, finding it hard to breathe. And even when I wasn’t reacting that extremely, I did chuckle often and enjoy myself very much. Peter Falk and Alan Arkin make a great comedy team, playing off of one another perfectly. The story is INSANE in the best possible way and I don’t dare spoil its bizarre twists in case you’ve never seen it. It feels like a 1930s screwball comedy transplanted to the 1970s and mixed with a buddy-action film—and even that trite description doesn’t do the quirkiness justice.

Only Yesterday (dir. Isao Takahata, 1991)

While Grave of the Fireflies is Takahata’s most well-known film, I argue Only Yesterday is his masterpiece. Often coming across like a cross between Ozu and Bergman, this is a coming-of-age story like no other. It follows a twenty-something woman at a crossroads in her life as she both reflects on her childhood in the 1960s and wonders about what path to take in the future. I saw parts of this movie as a teenager and could never get into it, but now watching it in its entirety as a twenty-something woman at a crossroads in her life, I relate hardcore. This movie is so perfect in capturing the uncertainty of being a young person still undecided about what they want their future to be: do you follow a traditional path? Do you try to make your parents happy? Do you follow a more unconventional path and risk crashing-and-burning? If you needed an antidote to the idea that animation is only for family comedies or shock value “adult” satire, then watch Ozu’s masterpiece.

Excalibur (dir. John Boorman, 1981)

People tend to love or loathe Excalibur, but I found myself loving it quite a lot. The 1980s was a golden age for cinematic fantasy and this strange movie is one of the best of the decade, if not the best film interpretation of the Mallory’s Le Morte Darthur. For those who demand realistic dialogue and psychological nuance, this is not your movie; it has a mythic feel which means it foregoes realism for larger-than-life characters and symbolic episodes. Visually, this movie is gorgeous and Trevor Jones’s soundtrack, which samples Wagner, gives epic weight to the images.

Yojimbo (dir. Akira Kurosawa, 1961)

Oh man, Yojimbo is badass. This movie may not be Kurosawa’s “deepest” or “most artistic” movie, but it ties with The Hidden Fortress as his most entertaining. It’s got everything: dark comedy, great swordfights, an anti-hero who’s both coarse yet ultimately compassionate, menacing villains, a catchy soundtrack, and one of the best final lines in any movie ever. I haven’t seen A Fistful of Dollars, though I do have to wonder how it could match this excellent work.

Branded to Kill (dir. Sejuin Suzuki, 1967)

Don’t ask me if I understood it, because I don’t think I did and I’ve seen it twice. Branded to Kill is best described as film noir meets a very bad acid trip. Regardless, even if you don’t get 100 percent of what the hell you’re watching, this is still a great piece of pop art. I’ve read that it’s best to view this movie as a kind of commentary on noir itself, though I don’t know if it’s aim is to subvert, parody, or deconstruct noir conventions and archetypes. Probably a little bit of the three.

Vagabond (dir. Agnes Varda, 1985)

Agnes Varda’s Vagabond follows a young homeless woman named Mona. A la Citizen Kane, the movie starts with her being found dead in a ditch and then the rest of the movie is told from the perspectives of various people who encountered her in her last days. One thing that sticks out most to me about this movie is how Mona is not glamorized or sexed up; she is a plain, dirty drifter, no make-up. She is also remarkably enigmatic; we see her through the eyes of those who either pity her for her loneliness, shrink from her coarseness, or seek to exploit her for money or sex, but neither the audience nor the other characters are allowed to learn who she truly is. It’s a fascinating work from one of our best living directors, stark in its images and its themes.

The Diary of a Lost Girl (dir. GW Pabst, 1929)

While this movie is often overshadowed by Pandora’s Box, I think I prefer The Diary of a Lost Girl, if only because it has better pacing (though don’t get me wrong: PB is damn excellent). Louise Brooks is, as always, amazing, one of the most subtle and expressive of silent cinema’s actresses. The movie follows Thymian, a young girl’s persecution after she is raped and impregnated by one of her father’s employees: branded a whore by a society that blames the victim, she is sent away to a brutal reform school and is eventually forced into actual prostitution. The film is melodramatic, yet never crude or simplistic, especially in regards to Thymian’s unkind stepmother, who is revealed to be more complex than she appears. Unlike the tragic PB, Diary is more humanistic and hopeful, urging the audience to be more compassionate. And even in 2017, this little melodrama still moves and inspires.

Things to Come (dir. William Cameron Menzies, 1936)

I had never heard of this film until recently and after having seen it, I wonder why. A Trip to the Moon and Metropolis are often cited as influential early science-fiction movies, and I argue that Things to Come absolutely deserves to be as well-known, for its predictions about the future are often alarming in their accuracy. In addition to covering the topics of another world war and space travel, it also sports a sort of proto-post-apocalyptic flair in the 1960s and 1970s sequences, where a zombie-like plague ravages the landscape and people live in tribes among the ruins of civilization. Visually, the film is a feast, sporting an art deco twenty-first century and pretty nifty special effects.

The Twilight of a Woman’s Soul (dir. Yevgeni Bauer, 1913)

Who said all silent film heroines were helpless damsels again? Or that all silent melodramas uphold conventional Victorian/Edwardian ideas about gender? The Twilight of a Woman’s Soul must have seemed socially bold back in 1913: it features a woman who, after being raped by a stranger and subsequently deemed unworthy of her fiancée’s respectable hand in marriage, does not go into exile or die conveniently. Instead, she finds healing and pursues her dreams of a theatrical career—never once looking back or feeling less like a woman for not marrying! Thoughtful performances and lovely composition make this film a great showcase for how sophisticated early movies could be, both artistically and culturally.

Feel My Pulse (dir. Gregory La Cava, 1928)

Nothing groundbreaking, but this movie is a thoroughly enjoyable comedy with a clever, resourceful female protagonist, which is very much my thing, especially when it challenges the tiresome stereotype that all silent film heroines were passive damsels. While there is one gag routine featuring booze and a song that goes on a little too long, the rest of the movie moves along swiftly. Bebe Daniels is funny and charming as the hypochondriac heiress who isn’t as over her head as the other character think. A pre-stardom William Powell plays the scummy villain and has a lot of fun doing it. Richard Arlen dresses exactly like Indiana Jones.

This Sporting Life (dir. Lindsay Anderson, 1963)

Lindsay Anderson is quickly becoming one of my new faves, if only because his films have such diverse atmospheres: there’s the youthful rebellion of If…. and the surreal cynicism of O Lucky Man!, and then there’s the more starkly realistic This Sporting Life, starring Richard Harris as a lonely rugby player exploited by the upper classes and yearning for something meaningful in life. He’s a brute in many ways, aggressively pursuing his widowed landlady (played to heart-breaking perfection by Rachel Roberts) in rather uncomfortable ways. Though put off by his rude manners, she is drawn to Harris’s athlete and the two engage in an affair that proves tragic. The film is a bit overlong and if you haven’t seen an Anderson film before, the two I previously mentioned are likely better introductions to his work, but the intensity of the performances and the ways in which Anderson and his collaborators explore class struggle make this riveting viewing.

Honorable mentions: Catch-22 (1970), The Producers (1968), Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Blade Runner (1982), Let Me Dream Again (1900), The Heart is a Lonely Hunter (1968), Blade Runner 2049 (2017), Baby Driver (2017), The Little Match-Seller (1902), The Sands of Dee (1912), Robocop (1987), Regeneration (1915), Daydreams (1915), The White Sister (1923), David Copperfield (1935), The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934), The 39 Steps (1935), The Informer (1935), Fury (1936), The Road Warrior (1981), Super (2010), Slither (2006), The Lodger (1944), Bedlam (1946), Raw Deal (1948), Moulin Rouge (1952), Moulin Rouge! (2001), Cliffhanger (1993), Eraserhead (1977), A Touch of Zen (1971), Late Spring (1949), Harold and Maude (1971), Night of the Living Dead (1968), How to Steal a Million (1966), Ruka (1965), Three Outlaw Samurai (1964), Paris When it Sizzles (1964), The Haunting (1963), Experiment in Terror (1962), The Brides of Dracula (1960), Bigger than Life (1958), Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

What were your favorite film discoveries in 2017?

[ohnohetaliasues]

Greenland OC review

//mmm- Yes hello I am here to submit my friend’s oc because she’s really shy cinnamon roll. ;u;  If you have time, please take a look at her oc and critique it for her! Thank you!!!!

@mochimoochie

Why hello there! Of course I’ll look through this. I'd be happy to give my critique. Let’s jump right in, and tell your friend I say hello!

First Player

Country Information:

Official Country Name: Greenland

Capitol: Nuuk

Languages: Greenlandic (West and East dialects (specifically Kalaallisut and Tunumiisut), Danish, Eskimo–Aleut, Inuktun, English

Government: Constitutional Monarchy. Current leaders are Kim Kielsen (Prime Minister) and Margethe II of Denmark (Monarch)

Good, you’ve done your research. 

Human Information:

Name: Arvid Falk

Meaning: “Arvid”, from the old norse name Arvior, eagle tree. “Falk”, From Old Norse Falker, falcon.

Okay, good name.

Gender: Male

Birthday: He used to celebrate the day the island was discovered as his birthday, but in more recent years just celebrates around December 14th as his birthday, in a week-long celebration.

 Why that date specifically? I honestly think the date his island was discovered is a better idea.

About Them:

Personality: Arvid is known for being adventurous and welcoming, first and foremost. He loves meeting people and exploring new places. He’s extremely well versed in movement on snow and ice, and loves to climb mountains and, if the weather is warm enough (which is rarely is, so he’s usually doing this when he’s in other countries) dive in water to see what’s underneath. He’s intensely brave and almost too eager to speak his mind. However, when there’s no one around, he’s known to get extremely lonely extremely quickly. He gets jumpy and timid alone, even when he’s exploring, so he far prefers to be with at least two other people. He also has a strong belief in the supernatural, believing himself to have magical powers (he does not.) The culture and traditions of his people are very important to him, as well as the life of his island’s wildlife. He hates having to disturb it if he doesn’t have to.

I like this, he’s quirky and unique, but Greenland is sort of isolated, so I don’t think loneliness would be a big issue.

Hobbies: Arvid is most often found in the mountains, or in a small hunting party. Occasionally, he’ll be found trying to get passage on a ship to visit other countries just to explore and experience them. He’s fascinated with literature and enjoys spending any time he can reading, though a lot of his time has to be dedicated to working.

Physical Attributes:

Description: (Images) Arvid was, at one point, far paler than his native peoples, due to the large number of Norwegians and Danes in his nation. However, he is back to matching them in skin tone. His dark hair and eyes have been a constant from the beginning, making him the odd one out among his brothers. He has a thick layer of a mixture of fat and muscle on his torso, both to help him insulate against the cold and to generally be able to work. He keeps his hair tied back most of the time to keep it from bothering him while he’s working or travelling.

Good! I’m loving your representation. 

Height: He stands about 168cm, or 5’5’’

Weight: 165lbs

Outfit: Most often, Arvid is seen wearing a blue shirt with a blue coat over it, with a pair of earmuffs that match his scarf, both a light brown. He wears a pair of goggles on his forehead, though they will sometimes be over his eyes when the snow is heavy. Occasionally, he will add a dark green cloak to this outfit. The coat and cloak were dyed in far more recent years.

It goes with his country name. 

Family and Foreign Relationships:

Iceland, older brother. Emil and Arvid don’t get along at all, for the reason of Erik The Red, and the various events in history they share. It’s really petty at this point, and Arvid is trying to mend fences. Denmark, older brother. Mathias and Arvid get along very well, despite the two having difficulty in the past. They’re often two peas in a pod when one is in the other’s country. Sweden, older brother. Berwald and Arvid don’t interact often, but they know of each other and seem to care about the other. Finland, older brother. Tino and Arvid share a relationship very similar to the one Greenland has with Sweden, but their care for each other is much clearer. Norway, older brother. Lukas and Arvid hardly interact at all. It’s hard to tell what their relationship is. It is positive, however. That much is known. America, friend. Alfred and Arvid have been friends since the end of WWII, when Denmark’s Nazi capture led to America gaining control of the country. (Roleplay only: Love Interest) Canada, friend. Matthew and Arvid get along fairly well, sometimes more than people would expect. This may partially be from them being somewhat related from the time when Canada was Vinland.

Good! You’re keeping the OC related to countries it has actual relations with. I’ve found many Ocs that don’t do this.

Brief History:

Greenland was discovered some time in the 11th Century by an Icelandic man named Erik The Red, who was exiled for murder. Arvid appeared on the beaches after the man left back to Iceland to find people to help him found the country. He looked around, seeing his empty home, and almost too quickly ran off to explore. He did find his natives and lived with them for some time.

I’d mention Leif Erikson, who played a role in Greenland’s history.

Months later, he heard people arrive. He went back to the beach and watched people start to build. Norway and Denmark saw him, and after a short conversation, the two taught him about being a country over a span of years. Denmark took him as a part of his country for a few centuries. Note that Iceland was present during this this time.

Many, many years later, during World War II, Denmark was captured by Germany and cut off from Greenland, leading to Mathias handing over control of the confused country to America. Alfred and Arvid meeting on the battlefield when Arvid had the younger country on the other end of an arrow. He didn’t believe him until he was shown the signed contract.

A few decades later, Arvid went to Mathias to ask for his freedom. While a group of his people spoke to Danish parliament, he and Mathias argued about him being able to take care of himself. Mathias ended up having to allow his country’s parliament’s choice pass, giving Greenland home rule. Arvid and Mathias remained in agreement that Denmark would take care of all military endeavors… At least until 2008 when Greenlandic citizens voted for their complete independence, though the country still heavily relies on Denmark for their economy.

Okay, this is good, but more extensive research is in order. Like I said, Leif Erikson is a part of Greenlandic history.

Extra:

Arvid has four dogs. The oldest is a Greenland Dog named Agner. There’s also his Canadian Eskimo (who’s a puppy) named Bo, the Labrador Husky named Helgi, and the Alaskan Malamute named Lykke. They work as his sled dogs and are with him when he’s off exploring his country. Bo is still too young to pull the sled, he sits on it with Arvid. Arvid has the nickname “Aputsiaq” from his people, which translates from Greenlandic to “Snowflake.”

I do wonder why, but okay.

Arvid mostly prefers to speak in either Danish, English, or Kalaallisut depending on who’s with him.

Okay, all in all, this is a good OC. He needs some touching up in the spots I commented on, and some deeper explanation for some things, but this looks great so far! Keep up the good work!

~Kat 

[cargopantsman]

Catching Up On Week One

In reading chapter one I must note that I hope during multiple times in history that this epic was also referred to as Sigi Saga.

Maybe a bit of forewarning, a lot of my writings may seem wandering and essentially brain noise. I really don't source anything unless I know where I'm going with something, so by all means call me out on things I have wrong so I can do further research.

Time and Space From the start of the saga (at least within the first three chapters), there is no indication of a specified time period. For the moment, I'll stick a pin 460 CE based solely on the fact that I read that "somewhere." So at this point we all know Sigi (son of Odin, which I'm not sure how literally to take this given that Odin is All-Father and patron of Kings) did a bad thing, got exiled, then went war-crazy and carved a kingdom for himself amongst the Huns. And what’s with the Huns? Depending on the time of the saga, a lot. If indeed 460 is a good rough guess, the Hunnic empire spans from the Caucasus mountains in the east to well into Frankish territory in western Europe. This unfortunately gives us a very wide expanse of land to pin down where Sigi could have landed from his exile, waged his wars and built said kingdom. Having done some cursory Googling, it seems that Hunnic territory closer to the Franks is a favored locale for Sigi's kingdom. [Again, sources] Given that I have noted some discussion of Burgundians being involved, this would make more sense than the traditionally imagined region of the Huns being solely east of the Danube.

Skipping the narrative a bit and moving onto the topic of: Gothland (as translated by William Morris and Eirikr Magnusson) Gautland (Gavin Chappell,2012; Finch,1965) [... Add more. Figure out what Dr. Jackson Crawford (❤️) is calling it.] [Look up some scans of the original manuscript and see how it is spelled, cross ref with pronounciation]

Depending on who's translating it, it is either an island off the eastern coast of Sweden in the Baltic Sea (as spelled Gotland) or a large swatch of land that is roughly the lower third of modern-day Sweden (Götaland).

As to whether Siggeir is a Goth, I'd say undoubtably (so far) yes. The question is what kind of Goth? If Götaland, home of the Geats appears to be cognate with Goth, as does Gotland, home of the Gutes, we need to split hairs as to where Siggeir is coming from. This is mainly going to be important in possibly trying to find what kind of historical wars and battles we may be able to link with the legendary events of the saga. Especially considering that as Attila pushed his armies westward to Frankia, he picked up other Gothic tribes along the way.

Notes for later [ripped from Wikipedia]: Bornholm, Denmark- In Old Norse the island was known as Borgundarholm, and in ancient Danish especially the island's name was Borghand or Borghund; these names were related to Old Norse borg "height" and bjarg/berg "mountain, rock", as it is an island that rises high from the sea. Other names known for the island include Burgendaland (9th century), Hulmo / Holmus (Gesta Hammaburgensis ecclesiae pontificum), Burgundehulm (1145), and Borghandæholm (14th century). The Old English translation of Orosius uses the form Burgenda land. Some scholars believe that the Burgundians are named after Bornholm; the Burgundians were Germanic peoples who moved west when the Western Roman Empire collapsed and occupied and named Burgundy in France.

Beyond Time and Space A theme I'll want to keep an eye on is that Sigi's story takes up very little space. There's him, a guy named Skaði (which is there any correlation between this man and the giantess that hates the sea?) and a thrall/slave Breði. We're taken to see that Breði is an all around good guy. Has talents beyond his "betters" but seems to take his station in life in stride. His sin is that he killed more and larger deer than Sigi on a given hunting trip and so he gets killed and his body hidden in a snow drift. It is not a slaying on a field of battle or a duel. It is a crime of passion so to speak on a matter of pride. There is an attempt to hide the murder, to say that the slave was dishonorable and escaped. The truth is quickly found and the society exiles Sigi.

A point to keep in mind is that after this judgement is passed, Oðinn, All-Father, king of the gods, helps Sigi cross over to Hunland with an entourage of warriors. While society punishes Sigi, Oðinn (at first glance) is rewarding him (or at least softening the punishment).

Sigi is then said to have amassed power and wealth and it is envy of his kinsmen that brings about his demise. A son then exacts revenge and takes his father's place.

Onto Rerir, I'm actually going to @ellerian-raina on this for her(?) comment "Though to me a burial mound and having a child don’s seem to have much in common." In many mythologies the concepts of death and life/sex/fertility get mixed up an awful lot (putting the romance back in necromancy). So while Rerir pleading with the gods on a burial mound makes sense in that Samhain/the-veil-is-thinner-near-the-dead kinda of way there's also a strong tradion of the god of death also being the god of sex. Consider Osiris & Isis, Hades & Persephone, and Oðinn Gallows-God & Archetypal Momma Frigg. One could even consider that Freya, also called upon in matters of love (though traditionally the more lusty kind of love) and childbirth, she takes for herself half the battle-slain the Valkyries bring to Asgard. It's all very much the cycle of life is fed by a spiral of death kind of thing. Speaking of Valkyries (casket-bearing maid as translated by Morris and Magnusson, which I love) it is one of those deadly women that is sent to deliver the apple to Rerir for his wife.

With that done, Rerir dutifully goes off to war and dies, leaving his wife to carry around a fetal Völsung for six freakin' years. Völsung's birth is your typical mythological hero birth. He isn't "born" natural but is instead cut from his mother's womb (Caesar), practically grown up (Athena) and immediately kisses his mother goodbye as she dies. He is born, becomes an orphan, and just takes the throne like it ain't no thang. "From his early years he was big and strong, and full of daring in all manly deeds and trials, and he became the greatest of warriors, and of good hap in all the battles of his warfaring." Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

It is interesting to me also that Völsung's wife, Ljod, is the self same Valkyrie responsible for delivering the apple that allowed his birth.

Crap. Bedtime...

[lightsburnbrite]

Young & Wild: Part 5

“If you don’t like them just say so.”

Preston snapped the lid closed on the box containing the matching engraved cufflinks, tie clip, and money clip. “No, they’re fine. Thanks.”

“I can return them.” Georgina waited for Preston to turn his back before she rolled her eyes. At least he could return them and get cash. What was she supposed to do with vouchers for tennis lessons?

“Didn’t we agree that you were going to stop being such a bitch on this trip?” He tossed the box on to the dresser and folded his arms across his chest. “Not exactly holding up your end of the deal there.”

Georgina threw her arms up in frustration. “How am I being a bitch?”

“You’ve spent hardly any time with me or my family, you’re always working on your laptop or taking notes in the margin of a journal.” He paused for effect, something that he did often. “Why did you even come here?”

She looked back at him with a frown. “I came because I was invited. I’m sorry that my thesis is keeping me busy but I want to be thorough with it because my advisor say I can then turn it into my dissertation if I wanted to pursue my doctorate.”

“That’s not why I’m mad.” Preston began speaking with his hands as though he was talking to a dimwitted person. “You go to England and you go to Denmark but you can’t even pull yourself away from your work for my family.”

“I work wherever I go.” She bit her tongue to prevent from laughing and saying he’s not special in being ignored. “It’s not just here.”

Preston narrowed his gaze. He had wanted an apology from Georgina and some sort of indication that he could influence her but that was definitely not what he was getting. “Why don’t you just leave if you’re so unhappy here?”

“I’m not unhappy.” Georgina could tell that her lack of emotion one way or another was driving Preston crazy. “But I’ll leave if you want me to.”

He set his jaw and raised an eyebrow. “I think that might be best.”

Within the hour, Georgina had packed and arranged for a car to come and take her to the airport. The reason for Preston’s foul mood wasn’t the amount of time Georgina spent on her work but a text he saw show up on her phone early Christmas morning from a contact labeled Danny: Babe, you’re amazing. Can’t believe you figured out I wanted new clubs. Happy Christmas!

The clubs he was expecting as a Christmas present had obviously gone to someone named Danny who thought nothing of calling his fiancé “babe”. Surprisingly, this wasn’t a deal breaker for him. Instead, he wanted to know more about Georgina’s extra curricular activities. Any information gathered could be potentially helpful to him.

Once she was at 39,000 feet, Georgina finally started to relax. She figured she’d take the rest of the day to herself before telling anyone she was home and subsequently finding a reason for why she came home early. Back in the sanctuary of her apartment, Georgina flopped down on her bed and sighed as she stared at the ceiling. Breaking her own rule, she decided to call Daniel.

“Georgie, they’re perfect.”    

Georgina laughed as he didn’t even bother with the formality of a greeting. “I’m glad you like them, Danny. Did you have a nice Christmas?”

“Not bad.” From the way he was speaking, she could tell that he was nodding his head and she loved that they had come to know each other well enough to anticipate reactions. “Of course, we still play so it’s not like I could get home to see my family. Couple weeks and we’ll have our own Christmas. How was your’s?

“Well,” She sighed as she made herself comfortable. “His parents are ok towards me but his sister in law is awful and her kids are just rude. Preston didn’t like the present I got for him and then we argued about how he thought I was spending too much time working-”

“Because you didn’t actually want to be there?”

“Right.” She smiled again. “He kept calling me a bitch and said I should just go home. So, here I am.”

“You shouldn’t let him speak to you like that.” The tone of Daniel’s voice caught her by surprise, it was much more stern than she had heard from him before. “That’s no way for a man to treat the woman he supposedly loves.”

She gave a little sigh, maybe Preston didn’t actually want to get married either. “I know, Danny. That’s part of the reason I left.”

“You’re home now?” There was surprise in his voice, but he seemed pleased at the same time.

“Yep.”

“Ok, listen,” Georgina could tell that he was going through some papers as he was talking. “You’re alone, right? I’m going to have your present delivered. Maybe a couple of hours from now. Don’t go out yet, ok?”

With another sigh, she closed her eyes. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Great. I’ll call you soon.”

“Ok, Dan.” She laughed now at how endearing his child-like impulsivity was. “I love you.”

“Love you more, Georgie.”

As soon as she hung up, Georgina dozed off only to be woken again by her phone ringing. She smiled when she saw Daniel’s name show up.

“Did you miss me already?”

He laughed before answering. “Oh, I miss you everyday but I wanted to check to make sure you were still home.”

“I am.” Georgina was starting to get excited, wondering what Daniel had lined up.

“Good.” It was obvious he was enjoying this. “Put the phone down and put me on speaker.”

She followed his directions but remained puzzled. “What do I do now?”

“Just wait a minute, you’ll see.”

As if by clockwork, there was a knock on her door. Georgina opened it to reveal a stout woman in her mid fifties dressed in khakis, a navy polo shirt and an olive drab utility vest. “Georgina Henry?”

“Yes?” As soon as Georgina confirmed her identity the woman held out her hand to shake.

After a brief shake, the woman realized she hadn’t introduced herself. “Margaret Lang, nice to meet you I’m the owner of Ravenwood Kennels in Colt’s Neck. I have something for you.”

Margaret stepped to the side, out of site, and moved a large cardboard box, flaps still open, in front of the door.

Georgina looked to Margaret then to the box and back.

“Go ahead,” Margaret smiled. “Open it up.”

Cautiously, she took a step forward and moved the flaps out of the way. Inside, tangled together and passed out on a fleece blanket were two Labrador puppies, one jet black and the other a pale cream.

“Oh my god,” Georgina’s voice automatically dropped to a whisper. “They’re adorable.”

Margaret bent down and picked up the black one who let out a great yawn. “They’re tuckered out from the car ride but give them a minute and they’ll be bouncing all over the place.”

Georgina followed suit and picked up the lighter one, who immediately started to lick her face. She laughed as she spoke a little louder now. “Ok, Danny. Why is a stranger showing up with a literal box of puppies?”

“They’re yours.” Margaret gave a little smile and nodded as Daniel spoke. “Happy Christmas, Georgie.”

Pressing her lips together, Georgina was overwhelmed by the gesture and held the cream colored puppy close to her. Daniel said a quick goodbye, knowing that Margaret had some things she wanted to go over with Georgina, with the promise that he’d check in tomorrow. Soon after, the doorman accompanied a delivery man with crates, an exercise pen and two large bags of kibble. Margaret left her with the name of a highly recommended and nearby dog trainer who would work with Georgina at the apartment as well as at their location.

A few days passed and Georgina wasn’t sure if it was the puppies or her coordinating a trip to Liverpool before her new semester started but she hadn’t thought about Preston once. It caught her by surprise when the doorman called over the intercom to announce that Preston was there but then she remembered that he’d asked to stay there while he had some meetings in New York.

“Oh, boys.” Georgina turned to the puppies who were playing tug of war with a rope. “I was hoping you wouldn’t have to meet him.”

She had their exercise pen set up in her office so they could be in there with her while she worked and now that seemed like the best place to keep them when Preston came. The ding of the elevator signaled his arrival and caused the knot in Georgina’s stomach to grow.

“Georgina?”

She heard him call from the gallery and walked out to meet him. “Hello Preston, how was your flight?”

“Relatively painless.” He looked her over with a raised eyebrow. “Your forgot I was coming, didn't you?”

Suddenly Georgina regretted her choice of leggings paired with an oversized hoodie. One of Daniel’s hoodies to be exact. “I’m sorry, I’ve been a bit forgetful recently.”

“Right. Well, get dressed, I thought we could go out for dinner.” He carried his bag to her bedroom, compelling her to follow. “Also, you should clear your schedule next week. You owe my parents and apology for Christmas.”

She steeled herself and decided now was as good a time as any. “Preston, we need to talk.”

“Talk?” He went to open the second closet but stopped short. “Talk about what?”

Georgina took the ring from her finger and handed it to him. “I need to give this back to you.”

“What are you doing, Georgina?” He scoffed, thinking she was playing some sort of passive aggressive game to get him to grovel.

“I’m sorry,” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Last week you made me realize…I barely have time to take care of myself, let alone devote time to others and it’s not fair to you-”

“You’re not seriously breaking up with me, are you?” He still looked somewhat in shock. “No. Partners are never single. They’re always men with a wife and a couple of kids.”

She rolled her eyes. “If that’s the main reason you’re upset then it just proves my point that we don’t need to be together.”

“Does your father know?” He still had a pompous air around him, as if he was too good to be left. “What do you think he’d have to say about it?”

Georgina simply shook her head. “I would hope that my happiness is what matters most to my father. Look, I have no problem with you staying in the guest room while your in town-”

Preston’s response came in the form of a glare as he took the ring out of her palm. “I should hope not considering you’ve given me no notice.”

As he took his bag and walked out, she closed her eyes and exhaled. Georgina was really hoping he’d opt to stay in a hotel, but it was only for two days at least, how bad could it really be? Her first thought was to get in touch with Daniel. She took a picture of her left hand with a now bare ring finger and sent it to him before she followed up with another text.

Broke it off, but he was supposed to stay here for a few days on business. He’s still here but in the guest room so I can’t talk freely. See you soon!

Daniel’s response came in the form of a thumbs up.

Quietly walking past the guest room, Georgina had to admit that it would be easier only keeping one secret from Preston. Turning back, she poked her head in and spoke quickly before he could get a word in.

“I got myself two puppies for Christmas. I need to take them out now, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Without giving him the chance to respond, Georgina grabbed their leashes and had them out the door.

Georgina went straight for the central park mall, only stopping once she made it to a bench. Pulling out her phone, she exhaled before calling her father. Part of her was hoping he wouldn’t answer, but once he did, Georgina realized it was probably easier just to get it over with.

“Dad?”

He seemed surprised, but pleased to hear from her. “Gigi. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I, um,” She hesitated for a moment but shook her head and continued. “I called it off with Preston, we broke up.”

“Oh, Georgina.” He seemed disappointed, but not entirely upset. “He seemed like a good fit for you.”

She wanted to laugh, but stopped herself. “Not really, Dad, he’s mainly a good fit for himself. It didn’t seem like the right time and I’m not convinced he actually wanted to marry me. I think he more wanted to seem like the ideal candidate to make partner.”

“Well,” He paused as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to say what he was about to. “When he asked if he could marry you, he spoke more about himself than the two of you.”

Now she did laugh. “That’s exactly what I mean, Dad.”

“Tell me something, Gi.” There was a level of kindness in his voice again that was reserved for private matters. “Are you happy?”

“I am, Dad. But that’s the other part of why I wanted to call you.” She sighed and at once felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. “I was given two Labrador puppies for Christmas.”

Her father laughed. “That certainly does seem like something you’d appreciate more than tennis lessons. But who gave them to you? Seems like a pretty significant gift.”

“Daniel Agger.” Georgina suddenly felt the need to clarify. “I met him at the club’s reception for you in October. We’ve become very close friends.”

She really didn’t know what kind of reaction to anticipate, but complete silence on the other end did nothing to assuage her growing concern. “Dad?”

[rafguinabroad-blog]

March - May 2017

One of the reasons I missed out writing the blog for the last couple of months, is that there really isn’t much to write about, all I do is sit at home writing, playing computer games, reading and masturbating*.

As to the writing, my word count is:

Relative Ties – 60,000 Words (vampires and revenge) Apprentice – 30,000 Words magic and war) Librarian – 12,000 Words (sequel to Librarian,) Playboy Cop – 21,000 Words (playboy solves crime – shit title, I need a better one) Orcs – 17,000 Words (orcs join humans and go to war, everyone dies) Sapphire – 2000 Words (outline/plot only – female sheriffs’ deputy and white supremists)

Part of the problem is there is so much on the internet, especially addictive content like Facebook; I’m in my mid-fifties and am addicted to the crap that’s on there. I am also job hunting, and to date have applied for over twenty jobs. These range from forklift driver, courier, office manager, and office assistant, and haven’t had a single reply.

It’s quite dispiriting. Some of the employment agencies have a counter on the web-page when you apply for a job. This means you can see how many other people have applied for the position, one of them was up to 167, and most are hovering around the one hundred mark.

I am hoping to use my remaining Enhanced Learning Credits to do a HGV course, we’ll see how that pans out; it also means these coming weeks will be filled with the Highway Code and Hazard Perception practice.

Myself, Matt, Marc, Pat, Ashley, and Matty, spent the other Saturday at the Cambridge CAMRA beer festival. My first impression was that it was organised by a bunch of Doolally** monkeys who had problems organising a piss up in a .... oh wait! When we arrived, we spent 10 minutes queuing, got to the end of said queue, and discovered that we were in the CAMRA Members only queue. There was no sign or any information that we were in the privileged line, until we got to the part where we had to pay.

We then had to go to the end of the queue snaking in from the opposite side, and requeue for another 10 bloody minutes. This may not sound a lot, but when you have already had a shit load of coffee, water and beer, and your bladder is the size of an under developed orange, those extra 10 minutes are quite emotional.

Anyway, once we were in, CAMRA redeemed themselves with good overall organisation, and a superb selection of beers and food vendors. For those of you who don’t know how a beer festival works, the first thing you do is buy a one-pint beer glass.

This glass is marked up with measurements at the one-third, one-half and one pint marks, so when you womble up to the counter you can order those sizes, this helps prevent you only ordering pints all day and getting totally smashed.

There were approx. 216 beers, ciders, and meads. There was also a stand with wine, which I didn’t taste. To give you an example of how seriously the Brits take their drinking, here is a selection of my favourite beer names taken from the Cambridge Beer Festival website: • Twisted 7.0% • Lavender Honey 3.7% (with real lavender added) • Milk Shake 5.6% • Mariana Trench 5.3% • Black Pig 4.2% • True Blue 3.9% • Henry Tudor 5.0% • Death or Glory 7.2% • Strawberry Sundae 4.5% • Lonely Snake Citra & Simcoe 3.5% • Repetitive Strain Injury 5.6% • Brainstorm 4.0% • Slightly Foxed 3.8% • Ginger Panther 3.7% (this one made me think of Craig – but replace the Panther with a Sloth) • Dark Side of the Moo 7.0% • Chocolate Orange Stout 6.7% • Marcus Aurelius 7.5% (apparently it’s an Imperial Roman Stout) • Spiffing Wheeze 3.9% • Horny Goat 4.8% • Crispy Pig 4.0% • Prince of Denmark 7.5% • Fallen Angel 4.2% • Visions of Heresy 5.7% • Hand of Doom 8.2% • New Balls Please 3.7% • Mad Monk 4.8% • Back Sack & Quack 4.2% • Scream If You Want To Go Faster 8.1% • Smooth Hoperator 4.0% • Fall of Man 6.0% • Hot Dog Chilli Stout 5.0% (Just enough chillis to produce a pleasant aftertaste) • Bitter Invention of Satan 8.6%

Remember, these are beers or ciders, and all of them are handmade with love and affection. I enjoyed drinking them, not only for the taste, but also so I could walk up to the counter, hand over my glass, and say “New balls please.” Or “May I have Visions of Heresy please.” The other good thing about the day, was I was not the largest person there, not by a long way, in fact some of the women could have easily dominated me.

Matt and I had a most fantastic handmade pizza, which was made in front of us for lunch, and although it was slightly expensive, it was worth it. The only downside to the day was that my back had given way the week before, so I was in the most terrible pain. I was alright when I was walking, but struggled with sitting down. So the rest of the lads decided to show their caring side, and we walked the couple of miles back to the train station, and had bit of a pub crawl on the way back.

Marc held his 48th Birthday in his back garden, and he and I did a BBQ. For those of you who are unaware, Marc has a bar and a reasonable sized hot tub in his back garden, and as the weather was okay, most of us had a good time.

The only two creepy events of the evening were; Marc seemed determined to get me in the hot tub with him – I fought him off bravely; and I spent 20 minutes using a rolled-up towel to gently flick the bottom of a 6 year old girl in a swimsuit as she ran back and forth daring me. All present seemed comfortable with it. But I suspect that come my trial, it’ll be used as evidence against me.

Anyway, moving on. I’m currently looking for love, or just good old sex, on Tinder, and my age range is 45 – 60; apparently, it’s wrong of me to put 16 – 25 – who knew! One thing I have noticed is that a large number of women around my age, post pictures of their dogs, cats, horses, etc, instead of themselves. Why, do they think I’ll find the pets sexy?

How am I as a middle aged-to-old man, supposed to know if I can love you, or mate with you, in a loving and non-kinky way, when all I can see is a picture of a parrot, a pussy, pug or poodle, are the women subconsciously sending out a message as to what they think they look like? If so, they need to be seeing a psychiatrist, not looking for rejection or perverts on tinder.

Every couple of months I get my haircut by a gentleman of Brazilian descent, and the other day as I was sitting in the chair all tucked in, I couldn't help but notice that, a) he wasn't wearing underpants, and b) he was quite well endowed. Imagine if you will somebody walking around you in a tight circle, occasionally brushing your arm, with a small snake wiggling around in his pants. It was the closest I've been to sex in years, even if it was with the wrong gender.

Envisage if you will, a snake charmer whose snake is hiding in his pants and swaying gently from side to side, and it occasionally brushes up against you like a cat, or rather a snake, behaving in a non-threatening manner.

A few blogs ago I queried why manufacturers made deodorant that was good for 48, 72, or 96 hours. Since I have stopped working, quite often I'll not bother showering every day, and my record is three days. In other words, the manufacturers make deodorant for the unemployed. And I suspect it's not because we're all skint, it's because we either can't be bothered or we lose track of time.

The other week Whilst in Norwich, I went to Jacamo to get some t-shirts for myself, and when Marc found out I was going, he asked me to pick up a couple of things for him. He wanted sleeveless t-shirts, and when I questioned him about his poor choice, he told me that sleeveless was the correct dress code for the gym. Now, to be honest, I’ve seen him wearing nothing but a pair of swimming trunks, and trust me the correct dress code for him at any time, never mind in the gym, is a burqa and gimp mask.

Julie and Pat came round the other day for dinner, and as she walked in, the first thing Julie asked was “Jim can I use your Spermy keyboard?” Great! How well she knows me. First thing she saw when she sat down at the desk was a pubic hair, I swear it wasn’t, she insists it was; I did however, strongly suggest that once she’d finished, she wash her hands thoroughly.

A few weeks ago, Craig suddenly out of the blue asked me if my mobile was a Samsung Galaxy S6, and when I confirmed it was, he said did you know they're all wireless charging - it must be true because his mum said so. After mocking him for 5 mins, we drove to the only place we knew with wireless charging points - McDonald's, and arrived there at nine o’clock at night.

We bet a McDonald's meal on it. I was right, when we put the phone on the recharge pad nothing happened; however, Craig had more faith in his mum than McDonald's technology, and went and tried a different recharge point. Bastard phone started recharging, so we stayed and Craig tried to eat his own bodyweight.

Quote of the month:

Quote: All the Islamists from Saudi Arabia are wasabi. *** Corrected quote: All the Islamists from Saudi Arabia are Wahhabi.

How do you know that your friends are following the Slimming World diet? They turn up at your house for a dinner party, and bring Best Of Both (BOB) milk because they want to be healthy when they have their obligatory cup of tea or coffee. They also quiz you on the ingredients used in the making of the meal, and then spoil it by having four or five cookies along with their coffee!

Myself, Marc and Pat are on one of our diets again. We’ll eat healthily, but also cut out all booze for June – let’s see how that goes and who crumbles first. Marc’s trying to turn it into a competition, and is giving me daily updates as to his weight, food, and toilet schedule – and people say nothing exciting happens in my world!

That’s it for now, hopefully I’ll get a job and have something interesting to talk about in future. Jim

*Five, the record is still five, and I’m not going to lie, I thought my dick was going to drop off by the end. **To 'lose one′s mind'/an idiot or, Temporarily deranged or feeble-minded. ***Wasabi'ist – someone who loves hot Japanese condiments.

[newagesispage]

                                                                              April 2017

PAGE RIB

*****Welcome to sexual assault awareness month.. Be vigilant and help your fellow man or woman!

*****Lady Gaga will replace Beyonce at Coachella

*****Will they ever air the Gary Cole episode of Law and Order SVU?

*****Things are heating up in the impeachment trial of Alabama’s Gov. Robert Bentley. His lawyer claims he was denied due process. The other side says that this is just delay.

*****Does ABC have a hacking problem? I can’t even remember how many times certain people start to talk on different programs and boom.. cuts ou, jammed or temporarily interrupted with something out of left field. Is it local.. Does this happen to everyone?

*****Madonna is adopting 4 year old twins.

*****Ten percent of the bidders for the border wall are Hispanic.

*****The second to last season of The Americans is rockin’!!

*****”We know he’s crazy, we have to start protecting ourselves.” This is just one of the lines from Dave Letterman in a New York magazine interview that centered mostly on Trump. He has no qualms about calling things out. “How is a white supremacist the chief advisor to our President?” “If we get a President sometime soon who does not have a mental disorder, twitter will be useful.” You must look it up, it is worth a read!

*****Rihanna received Harvard’s Humanitarian award.

*****Roger Stone, big supporter and surrogate for Trump tried to discredit the FBI over the Iraq war. Charlie Rose had to set him straight and tell him it was a CIA report that had revealed the possible weapons of mass destruction. The man, who has a Nixon tattoo that spans his shoulders, is also under investigation for collusion with the Russians.

*****The White house is talking about creating propaganda to whip up the anti- immigrant hysteria even more: VOICE: Victims of immigration crime engagement. Some call this racist and how genocide begins.

*****Dancing with the stars is back with Charo, Mr.T, Nancy Carrigan, Simone Biles and Chris Kattan.

*****Radio shows have come full circle to become podcasts. The more things change, the more they stay the same. We still seem to like to just listen to people talk. Check out Karina Longworth with You Must Remember This. With Feud (next up for Feud: Charles and Di) going strong on FX, it is a good time to listen to her Bette/Joan episode. With Manson in the news again, there is a 12 part episode on his part in Hollywood.

*****Ann- Margret is back with Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Alan Arkin in Going in Style.

*****Baskets has been given the greenlight for season 3!

*****Louis CK and Albert Brooks are bringing the animated The Cops to TBS.

*****Shemar Moore will be making an appearance on the season finale of Criminal Minds. His character will be bringing the team some info about ‘Scratch.” Shemar recently told ET that he wanted Morgan to call Penelope ‘Sugar tits’ instead of ‘baby girl” , but the writers wouldn’t go for that. He is also filming a CBS pilot reboot of S.W.A.T. The Criminal Minds finale airs on May 10.

*****Should we have to put up with Jeff Sessions and his lies about the Russian ambassador? We have direct evidence of deception. Comey made it official that the Trump camp is under investigation for possible collusion with the Russian involvement with the campaign. Funny that he always shot his mouth off about Hillary but was mum on this. The Republicans questioned Comey mostly about the leaks which is important but also a great distraction.  The FBI reveals that Russia did not even try to hide their tracks. It is possible they were just gathering and then when they dumped the info they went through an intermediary. **Sean Spicer claims that Paul Manafort, (who seems to have many ties to Russia and who ran the campaign for a time and ran the RNC) had a very limited role with the campaign.  The bugging of Trump tower was laid to rest but just not by scary clown and co. They seem to believe that GCHQ, British intelligence was involved as well. Why don’t the Republican Senators get some fucking balls and quit defending this freak? Let’s hone in on this Russian connection and get this freak out of there.**Ivanka is getting an office and top clearance? Is this an Edith Wilson situation? Does the family have to keep an eye on him? Is it time to face the sad fact that he may have dementia or a mental disorder? BTW Wendy Williams mentioned that she would rather be Tiffany than Ivanka because of all the responsibility and the whole wife and daughter thing going on. Tiffany gets to be out there living it up.  Love that!**Pence is no prize either, he is always behind Trump looking like a bobble head doll. Be aware if we end up with him!

*****Hillary B. Smith is on General Hospital for a stint. Oh how I missed ya, Nora!!

*****Everyone is giving backlash about cutting funding for PBS and meals on wheels. Mick Mulvaney, director of the office of management and budget tells us it is only a 3% cut but I am guessing we will now have 3% more hungry people. He explains that a lot of people do not want their tax dollars to fund the National endowment for the arts. I do not want mine to add millions to the military budget or Mar a Lago trips or Melania’s NY shutdown (the gossip is that Trump and the first lady are basically separated). They don’t seem to give a fuck about that.**It is so great that the ‘Trump health care plan’ fell apart but Pelosi and Hoyer et al. need to stop crowing and keep fighting against the rest of the crap the majority is trying to get by with and fix the things that need fine tuning on the ACA.

***** Does anybody else find Feud and The American’s Alison Wright absolutely irresistible?? She is so fabulous!!

*****It looks like Sears and Kmart may be in the verge of going out of business.

*****Jared Kushner’s role just gets bigger and bigger. He has been appointed to reconfigure the government and deal with the border wall and negotiate peace in the Middle East. One guy? OK!

***** CBS Sunday morning informed us about the wonders of Denmark. They do have the highest cancer rates and taxes but they have the highest wages and lowest poverty rates too. They live by the word Hygge which means live simply.

*****The White House did not even send an official rep to This Week, they just sent some old buddy of Trumps. Will they start to run out of new faces to defend them? ** Bret Stephens at the Wall Street Journal wrote, “The president clings to his assertions like a drunk to an empty gin bottle.” And Bill Moyers wrote,” There’s a smell of treason in the air.” Samantha Bee likens Trumps military spending to an insecure guy who tries to make his penis look bigger. Bill Maher wonders if constitutionalist Judge Gorsuch will wonder ‘What would the slaveholders do?’ Michael Moore wrote, “Historians in the near future will mark today,3-28-17, as the day the extinction of human life on earth began, thanks 2 Donald Trump.”** Donald Trump Jr. criticized the London Mayor after the attacks.

*****And just as Scary clown 45 signed the repeal to wipe out Obama’s climate change record, An inconvenient truth sequel Truth to Power is coming out.

*****The Rolling Stones are nominated for best blues act and best blues album in the Jazz FM awards.

*****There is no clean coal!

*****The Daytime Emmy’s were announced. The Talk and Ellen lead the pack with 8 nominations. There are 5 for the View and the announcement fucked up their names. I’ll be routing for CBS Sunday morning and CBS this morning. I can’t believe that The Pioneer woman was not nominated for outstanding culinary program. I guess I will route for Trisha’s Southern Kitchen. Days of our Lives was nominated for show, directing and writing. There was best actor noms for Billy Flynn (Chad) and Vincent Irizarry (Deimos). Kate Mansi (the old Abigail) was nominated for best supporting actress and John Aniston (Victor) for supporting actor. Go Days!!!

*****The small Illinois town of West Frankfurt stood up for Carlos Hernandez. Hernandez was picked up when the immigrant ban enforcers were looking for someone else. The town vouched for him and called this out as unfair.

*****The FDA has approved food to protect food. Edipeel is a spray made out of food that can put a thin shield on fruit and protect it 5 times longer than normal. It is edible and tasteless. It will be invaluable in places with no refrigeration and help with waste.

*****Patrick Stewart is applying for American citizenship to help with the fight we are having in here at home. Agitate..Agitate..Agitate.

*****Looks like NBC has given the greenlight to an Ellen DeGeneres game show.

*****Tom Hanks sent the White house press corps an espresso machine with a note that read: “Keep up the good fight for truth, justice and the American way. Especially for the truth part.” This is a tradition he started with the Bush administration.

*****Get ready for a Big band theory spinoff.

*****Steve Martin will teach an online comedy course. The cost is $90 on Masterclass. Others who have taught are Christina Aguilera, Kevin Spacey, James Patterson, Dustin Hoffman, Werner Herzog and Aaron Sorkin. They will soon be joined by Shonda Rhimes and Hans Zimmer.

***** Caterpillar was raided by the Feds which included the IRS, CID, Inspector General and export enforcement. Word is they may be indicted for tax evasion. This could be from a 2009 lawsuit alleging the company shifted profits overseas and to offshore shell companies to avoid paying more than 2 billion in taxes.

*****Hall and Oates and Tears for Fears are set to tour.

*****This time it’s real. You see warnings on the internet all the time about your privacy rights but this time look out! The Senate has voted to repeal a set of rules aimed at protecting online data. Once again the big companies win under this administration. This could let internet providers share info. New Jersey Rep. Frank Pallone Jr. states “At a time when our personal data is more vulnerable than ever, it’s baffling that senate republicans would eliminate the few privacy protections Americans have today.” The word is that millions are pouring in for their votes. Ted Cruz reportedly got 2 mil. We will be paying the big cable giants to sell our info to the highest bidder and this could keep the FCC from ever again establishing similar consumer privacy protections. And this from a man who wants privacy with his taxes. Some of the wealthy are claiming they will buy all the info of those that voted to sold us down the river and release it to the public.

*****Robert Redford has me excited about 2 films. The first is out now about the afterlife called The Discovery. It also stars Riley Keough, Mary Steenburgen, Jason Segel and Rooney Mara. The other has distribution rights just coming together. The Old man and the gun is the true story of a thief with Sissy Spacek, Danny Glover and Casey Affleck.

*****A tribute to the music of Merle Haggard will be held in Nashville with Keith Richards, Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, Loretta Lynn, The Avett Brothers, Alison Krauss and Billy Gibbons.

*****Microfiber is causing great problems with water pollution. I knew I hated fleece.

*****There has been an official request for scary clown’s tax returns.

*****”These are not good times.” –John McCain. McCain is also very worried that North Korea’s leader is not rational and needs to be handled. It is kind of frightening when our own leader is not rational.

*****Look for the live album Charlie Watts meets Danish Radio Big Band. The music which includes Stones covers was recorded in 2010 and will drop on April 21.

*****As soon as the ACA was saved, the blame game started! Scary clown and his cohorts blamed Washington for cancelling the health care vote stating that “It’s a lot more rotten than we thought.” Trump said “I’m glad it’s behind me” and then tweeted blame to the republicans and the democrats and the very conservative republicans and it just goes on. He invited us to watch his beloved friend Judge Jeanine who minced no words in that Paul Ryan needs to step down. He is adamant that he does not blame Ryan. Ok. Jeanine scolded that we all knew a businessman would not know how to legislate but he made it clear during the election that he knew more than anybody. Is the world  laughing at our “art of the deal”  tough New Yorker president who was suckered by the Wisconsin dude. Trump is like the armchair quarterback who is finally thrown into the game and does not have a clue. **Bannon bullied and threatened the night before the “vote”, telling the house members that they had no choice but it seemed to work against him and wouldn’t that be the President’s job? ** The topper was Colbert using the schoolhouse rock song, “I’m just a bill” which ended with the bill blowing his brains out.

*****Some high school kids came up with We Dine Together for the new or loner kids to make some new friends. Look it up and help to open chapters locally!!

*****Zac Brown is coming out with new music.

*****Trump has now rescinded the order Obama signed requiring firms that do business with the federal government prove compliance with federal laws and executive orders. This makes Trump look like he’s doing the right thing by leaving one of Obama’s executive orders in place that prohibits the federal government from contracting with firms that discriminate based on sexual orientation and gender identity. People from the LGBT community would have to take steps to enforce it now.** College basketball in North Carolina sort of forced the repeal of the bathroom law but they leave a regulation of bathroom access solely to the control of the legislature. It prevents local government from passing or amending their own non -discrimination ordinances pertaining to private employment.

*****There is a growing number of the French who want President Obama to run for President of France. It is possible if he were so inclined. One only has to be a resident, not a natural born citizen to run for President in Great Britain, Israel, Germany, France, Canada and France.

*****The Mount Kushmore Wellness retreat tour is coming to 16 cities with Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa, Cypress Hill, Method Man and Redman.

*****Are all the Russians visiting Trump and his cohorts buying their vodka at Costco?

*****Apparently Beau Biden’s widow is dating his brother Hunter Biden.

*****This year’s Seattle Hemp fest runs August 18-20.

*****Who knew that Bryan Cranston dubbed a lot of the monster voices from Japanese to English for the original Power Rangers.

*****Dimitri Rybolovlev, a Russian fertilizer businessman bought a Trump home in Florida for twice what it was worth. This was the most expensive home sale in U.S. history.  He and the Presidents planes cross paths all the time though there have been many denials of this. A Russian ambassador was sitting in the front row of Trumps first press conference as President. Reports say that Scary clown went ballistic in the oval office when he discovered that Sessions recused himself. He left for Florida without his senior staff.** Now there is an inquiry about his business with an Iranian family known as the Corleoni’s of the Caspian.

*****Ben Carson called slaves immigrants and then walked it back.

*****Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep are making a film about The Pentagon Papers to be called The Post.

*****North Korea fired 5 missiles into the ocean.

*****Beef Products Inc. is suing ABC over a story they did on a meat product they called pink slime. The judge said the suit could move forward.

*****Rachel Maddow got some backlash for overdoing it on her big Trump taxes show. Some think the President himself put them out.

*****SNL’s Weekend Update is going prime time. They are also going live in all time zones on April 15th.

*****Mischa Barton has filed a lawsuit over a sex tape that was filmed without her consent.

*****A tweet from Mcdonald’s had some pretty bad things to say about our President. The tweet was taken down in 20 minutes and they claim they were compromised.

*****Days alert: Did we see Nicole on the run with that poor baby? She is more street smart than to be taken advantage of by a street hustler at the little hotel. C’mon! I hate it when characters I like leave and the way they write them off seems more exciting than when they were there. Like, I want to see Teresa’s character on her secret adventure right now. I am sick of Chad thinking about Gabby moments from his past, enough! And then bam!!,  Deimos hits him where it hurts. Since Roman has retired, are they putting him in charge of the Brady Pub? I think that is perfect, he wants to take it a little easier and everybody’s favorite meeting place in Salem needs the next generation to take over.** Everyone in this country was talking about health care but I think most soap characters must have great insurance. Especially lately on Days, transplants, cancer, poisoning.. the hospital has been full up.** Hooray.. Adrienne picked Lucas, it’s about fucking time!!

*****Ben Affleck is recently out of rehab.

*****It looks like they are talking about remaking ‘The Fly’.

*****Netflix has the global rights to Orson Welles unfinished final film ’The Other Side of the Wind’.

*****Robert Blake is getting married again. His third wife is Pam Hudak that he had dated back in 1991 and previously lived in his guest house.

*****Can we all vote by mail yet?? What is the problem??

*****Looks like Kyle Bush is a bit of a hot head. He went after Joey Lagano after a race.

*****The Japanese prime minister was telling us what happened in some meetings he had with the Pres. I guess we are getting official news by way of Japan now since scary clown tells us nothing of any real importance.

*****Will Scary Clown 45 bring war as a jobs program? Where are the jobs he promised? There are many empty offices in Washington right now that could be filled with employed workers. He has many jobs to give and he won’t do it and they are firing people left and right. Look at the money we spend on getting him to Mir a Lago and the delusional investigations he wants into wiretapping etc. Just think of what a poor family could do with that money. This administration is gutting the EPA and that is just the beginning. The only good news is the stock market is up. He really behaves more like a cult leader than a President. He talks only in front of the people who worship him. I’m sure he can’t believe his dumb luck that so many Americans are uninformed. He communicates in “facts” that only he seems to understand. He sends out his minions to spread HIS intellectual pollution back to their audience of one. Charles Manson is of ill health and perhaps is not long for this world so I guess scary clown 45 is the new evil, the deplorables are the new ‘family’.

*****The liberal rednecks of comedy make me wonder when those raised with hate and or narrow teachings will rebel against their parents and become liberals filled with acceptance.

*****What is all this touching on late night talk shows?

*****Climate March on March 29. Scientists March on April 22.

*****Charlie Rose is back.

*****”The level of complete corruption from the fossil fuel industry that marks this administration is like nothing we’ve ever seen.”- Environmentalist Bill Mckibben.

*****What kind of a person could actually believe that a ‘billionaire’ who has tried to buy up sanctuaries to put up more towers with his name on them would help the environment? Will these same people who allowed themselves to be whipped up into a frenzy of fear and anxiety love it when Yellowstone disappears? Well, they do seem to be on board with everything else so perhaps they don’t care. The pain of this election is unbearable but will some good come of it? Will he and friends who say no to everything that isn’t their idea or does not help the richest of us learn anything from this? Will their eyes be open to what it really feels like when they all get on top of you? I mean are they capable of seeing what it really fucking feels like? If they hate government so much, why do they want to be a part of it? Well, of course to tip the scales in their favor.

*****Arnold Schwarzenegger has quit Celebrity Apprentice.

*****The Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg News and Time will not attend White House briefings if other outlets (CNN, New York Times etc.) are not allowed in. Good for them but perhaps they need to keep working behind the scenes on digging for the truth about scary clown 45 but not reporting every little thing he distracts us with. For instance the ‘wiretap’ stuff is proven wrong so quit talking about it and move on!** Rex Tillerson told a reporter, “I didn’t want this job.” Sources say Tillerson shuffles in and out through back doors ignoring important diplomats and his minions are not allowed to look him in the eye. Tell me this is not true!

*****Sam Rodriguez Jr., who led a prayer at the Trump Inauguration is giving a safe haven to those worried about immigration raids. His New Season Christian Worship Center also gives shelter to victims of domestic violence.

*****A young intruder jumped the fence at the White House and 2 more followers have tried to get in too.

*****Trivia lovers: We have a new worst President!

*****The Brexit process began on March 29.

*****Beauty and the Beast set some records. It was the biggest March opening ever and the biggest PG opening ever.

*****The newest Monopoly tokens are a T. Rex, a rubber ducky and a penguin.

*****Thank you Martin Sheen for inspiring Malibu to become a sanctuary city.

*****Two stolen Van Gogh’s that were found last September were put on display again in Amsterdam.

*****The 9th season of RuPauls drag race is here!

*****Florida has a wheel of fugitives that spin to focus in on certain missing law breakers.

*****The new health care plan is loaded with massive tax cuts for the rich and no budget for it. The AMA and AARP do not support it. They kept a little of the good parts of Obamacare and changed wording on some things that Dems had wanted and they had previously refused. Estimates say that 60% of Trump voters will get their repeal of the ACA but it will cost them more for health care. Big drug companies get a healthy tax break and it is like a gift to insurance companies. All the Obama haters that wanted everything repealed sound a little mixed on the tax breaks for the rich. Did they not realize that the money was coming from somewhere? It is bad enough when I see people believe a story or two from the enquirer or wonder about a conspiracy theory but the things that pass for fact in the White House is delusional. The swamp is thriving just fine!

*****Lizzie Borden is coming to the big screen with Chloe Sevigny and Kristen Stewart.

*****OMG.. The new Twin peaks has added Laura Dern, Michael Cera and Jennifer Jason Leigh!!!!

*****Way to go Ted Koppel for giving Sean Hannity a reality check. Somebody has to be the voice of reason.

*****We still don’t know much about season 7 of American Horror Story. The cast gathered at the Paley center to talk about last season. It looks like it may be about the 2016 election and we know that Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters are on board and that it will come back in the fall.

*****Funny or die is bringing us 10 episodes of Sarah Silverman’s,’ I love you America.’

*****George Conway (Kellyanne’s husband) has been nominated to lead the justice department.

*****There is a new Jack Cassidy (son of Patrick), who is joining the family in entertainment.

*****Scary Clown 45 says Obama released 122 prisoners from Gitmo when we know 113 of them were by Bush.

*****Rob Reiner, I am so glad you are out there fighting the good fight for us!

*****Hawaii has filed the first lawsuit on the new travel ban. Federal judges agree but the Trump supporters want to boycott Hawaii.

*****This is not Sean Spicer’s first time at the White house. He used to be the Easter bunny in the 2000’s.

*****A DC restaurant filed suit against the Trump hotel across the street.

*****The whole ‘Janet Jackson has a daughter’ thing is back in the news.

*****In Cold Blood killer Dick Hickock wrote his own manuscript, with some help from Kansas City journalist Mack Nations called The High Road to Hell and it has just now surfaced. Before Hickock was executed, it seems that Truman Capote would not have wanted it published. Random House had a deal with Capote and some digging has shown that he fought against the other publication.

*****The new Avatar land, Pandora in Florida looks like Summer camp and it will open around the same time at the end of May.

*****Conan tweets have been on fire lately.

*****Ski joring that mixes skiing with horses is becoming more popular. I expect to see my cousin Cat doing it real soon.

*****A study of 6,000 UK teens showed that high achieving students were 50% more likely to use Marijuana occasionally.

*****Worldwide poverty has been cut in half.

*****Tomi Lahren has been suspended from her show Tomi on The Blaze network. She told the ladies of The View that she is pro -choice. Glenn Beck has spoken out against her. The network tag line is ”a platform for a new generation of authentic and unfiltered voices.” Hmmm.

*****Can’t wait for The Pollinator from Blondie. The new LP drops on May 5 with some help from Joan Jett, Laurie Anderson and Dev Hynes.

***** So.. Obama could not even get his Supreme Court nominee looked at but a President who is under investigation expects his pick to sail right thru?

*****Studies show that Subway chicken is only 50% chicken.

*****How wonderful that Michael Moore is showing Taylor Hackford’s Hail Hail Rock ‘n Roll in his Michigan theatre to honor Chuck Berry.

***** Look for Michael Nesmith’s new book and cd,  Infinite Tuesday: Autobiographical riffs!

*****R.I.P. Robert Osborne, Fred Weintraub, Joni Sledge, Chuck Berry, Jimmy Breslin, Chuck Barris. Robert James Walker, the victims of the London attack,

[haroldgross]

New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on http://literaryends.com/hgblog/oscars-2017-final-call/

Oscars 2017 (final call)

So, it’s time to put all the cards on the table and make my final bets. The end of awards season has definitely clarified some of the potentials, but there are always surprises. 538’s ongoing statistical analysis was interesting, but felt somewhat flawed for a while. By the end, I was pretty much aligned with the stats which clarified as the post SAG awards season crept onward. Best Actress and Best Picture initially had the biggest gaps due to late arrivals of some films and the lack of eligibility of others to all the awards used as guidance.

I didn’t quite manage to get to all the films again… some just weren’t available to me. But I did get to most…  Reminder this is about predicting winners, not necessarily who I think should win. And with that disclaimer, here we go…

THE MAJORS

Best supporting actress

Viola Davis (Fences)

Naomie Harris (Moonlight)

Nicole Kidman (Lion)

Octavia Spencer (Hidden Figures)

Michelle Williams (Manchester by the Sea)

Viola Davis still has the edge here after a long awards season. I couldn’t argue with her win, but I think Spencer’s performance was more controlled and subtle.

Winner: Viola Davis

Best supporting actor

Mahershala Ali (Moonlight)

Jeff Bridges (Hell or High Water)

Lucas Hedges (Manchester by the Sea)

Dev Patel (Lion)

Michael Shannon (Nocturnal Animals)

Mahershala Ali continued to dominate the season. It is possible he could still lose it, but not particularly likely.

Winner: Mahershala Ali

Best actress

Isabelle Huppert (Elle)

Ruth Negga (Loving)

Natalie Portman (Jackie)

Emma Stone (La La Land)

Meryl Streep (Florence Foster Jenkins)

This one of the categories that could surprise. Stone has been the favorite and La La Land is dominating all the awards ceremonies. But Huppert wasn’t even eligible for a number of the same awards, so we’ve not seen the play-off of the two. And Huppert has been doing well in foreign awards. I still bemoan the snub of Amy Adams for Arrival, but what can you do? Given the tidal wave of love for La La Land, I think it will carry this award away with it as well.

Winner: Emma Stone

Best actor

Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea)

Andrew Garfield (Hacksaw Ridge)

Ryan Gosling (La La Land)

Viggo Mortenson (Captain Fantastic)

Denzel Washington (Fences)

I’ve been surprised to see Affleck’s star still ascendant in this category, but Washington was very late to the season. There really is no comparison, to my mind, in ability. Washington’s performance is much more compelling. Gosling is great in La La Land, but the role doesn’t have the depth to compete here despite the juggernaut of a musical behind him.

Winner: Denzel Washington

Best director

Denis Villeneuve (Arrival)

Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)

Damien Chazelle (La La Land)

Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)

Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)

Chazelle is still the likely winner here, especially after his DGA win. My preference is still Villenueuve. Arrival is beautifully and mindfully directed and structured. It isn’t as easy a movie as La La Land, but it is much better crafted.

Winner: Damien Chazelle

Best foreign language film

A Man Called Ove (Sweden)

Land of Mine (Denmark)

The Salesman (Iran)

Tanna (Australia)

Toni Erdmann (Germany)

Winner: Toni Erdmann

A Man Called Ove is gaining some late momentum, but I think Erdmann’s momentum was stronger early, when a lot of votes probably were logged.

Best picture

Arrival

Fences

Hacksaw Ridge

Hell or High Water

Hidden Figures

La La Land

Lion

Manchester by the Sea

Moonlight

  My personal pick for best in this field is still Arrival. It accomplished some very difficult feats and left the audience with some very interesting ideas and did it all honestly, while managing to let you trick yourself. Hidden Figures managed to deliver a powerful, but personal story. Either are solid choices for the win.

However, La La Land, which I also enjoyed a great deal, has the Hollywood and Broadway inside track and massive momentum (not to mention 14 new nominations).

Winnner: La La Land

  THE MINORS

Best adapted screenplay

Eric Heisserer (Arrival)

August Wilson (Fences)

Allison Schroeder and Theodore Melfi (Hidden Figures)

Luke Davies (Lion)

Barry Jenkins and Alvin McCraney (Moonlight)

Arrival. Period.  It even improved on the award-winning original story it was based upon. But, honestly, likely to be Moonlight. This gets harder to predict due to Moonlight being here rather than in Original (as it was for BAFTA and WGA where it won).

Winner: Moonlight

Best original screenplay

Taylor Sheridan (Hell or High Water)

Damien Chazelle (La La Land)

Yorgos Lanthimos and Efthimis Filippou (The Lobster)

Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)

Mike Mills (20th Century Women)

This is a bone that may get thrown to someone other than La La Land. While Lobster is quite unique, it just isn’t that great a script/story at the end of it all. Manchester, as well, fell flat for me. The strength it has is really the performances, not its words or story, but it has been gaining momentum due to its BAFTA win. Given the political tides, it could end up Hell or High Water, but think it released too long ago to capture the votes. Admittedly, after WGA, where Manchester lost to Moonlight (which is in the Adapted category here), it is even less clear. Given the continued groundswell for La La Land, I’m going with them to break the musicals curse (An American in Paris was the last time a musical won original script, back in 1951, with Gigi getting adapted in 1958).

Winner: La La Land

Best animated feature

Kubo and the Two Strings

Moana

My Life as a Zucchini

The Red Turtle

Zootopia

Kubo and Two Strings came back into the running after BAFTA, despite the Anie going to Zootopia. But the momentum is clearly with Zootopia, despite all its weaknesses and flaws.

That said, I’m sticking to my guns on on this one for the right choice rather than the likely. It’s Kubo for the statuette because if it doesn’t win I will scream at the reveal.

Winner: Kubo and the Two Strings

Best documentary feature

Fire At Sea

I Am Not Your Negro

Life, Animated

OJ: Made in America

13th

Winner: OJ: Made in America

It is possible that 13th still takes this category, but the general winds suggest not.

Best original song

La La Land – Audition (The Fools Who Dream) by Justin Hurwitz, Benj Pasek and Justin Paul

La La Land – City of Stars by Justin Hurwitz, Benj Pasek and Justin Paul

Moana – How Far I’ll Go by Lin-Manuel Miranda

Trolls – Can’t Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake, Max Martin and Karl Johan Schuster

Jim: The James Foley Story – The Empty Chair by J Ralph and Sting

Winner: Fools Who Dream (or City of Stars… but La La either way unless they split the vote)

Honestly, I have a strong feeling that Miranda will take this to promote him to that rare PEGOT category.  But the support for a La La sweep is pretty strong and How Far I’ll Go just isn’t as good as the other options.

Best original score

Jackie by Mica Levi

La La Land by Justin Hurwitz

Lion by Dustin O’Halloran and Hauschka

Moonlight by Nicholas Britell

Passengers by Thomas Newton

Winner: La La Land

Really, is there any doubt on this one?

Best live action short

Ennemis Interieurs

La Femme et le TGV

Silent Nights

Sing

Timecode

As usual, throw a dart and pick one.

Winner: Sing

Best documentary short

4.1 Miles

Extremis

Joe’s Violin

Watani: My Homeland

The White Helmets

Winner: The White Helmets

No particularly good reason for this pick other than its topical nature.

Best animated short

Blind Vaysha

Borrowed Time

Pear Cider and Cigarettes

Pearl

Piper

For its pure audacity, going with the new tech.

Winner: Pearl

THE TECHNICAL

Best costume design

Allied

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Florence Foster Jenkins

Jackie

La La Land

Winner: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Best make-up and hairstyling

A Man Called Ove

Star Trek Beyond

Suicide Squad

Both Suicide Squad and Star Trek received awards from their peer awards ceremony, but since the whole Academy votes here, I think it is Suicide Squad hands-down.

Winner: Suicide Squad

Best production design

Arrival

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Hail, Caesar!

La La Land

Passengers

Winner: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Passengers impressed me more, but the broad scope of Beasts and its popularity will probably take the night.

Best cinematography

Arrival

La La Land

Lion

Moonlight

Silence

Winner: La La Land

I don’t think it was the best, but I think it will get caught up in the tsunami that has been building for the movie.

Best film editing

Arrival

Hacksaw Ridge

Hell or High Water

La La Land

Moonlight

Winner: Arrival

The editing made Arrival. No other nominee can claim that integral a role for its success. I know Hacksaw took BAFTA, but however adept, the story didn’t change based on the editing. I’m being stubborn here, I realize.

Best sound editing

Arrival

Deepwater Horizon

Hacksaw Ridge

La La Land

Sully

Winner: La La Land

Hacksaw has a real chance here. The work during the battle is pretty amazing.

Best sound mixing

Arrival

Hacksaw Ridge

La La Land

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

I’ve made this mistake in the past by going for the big action flicks like Rogue One… keeping any dialogue intelligible over all that racket took some serious effort. But given that the CAS award went to La La Land, I’m going to believe the professionals since they get to vote on it again for Oscar night.

Winner: La La Land

Best visual effects

Deepwater Horizon

Doctor Strange

The Jungle Book

Kubo and the Two Strings

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Winner: Jungle Book