#my boy... you are so very traumatized i am So Sorry. get this man some fucking therapy

[astrolotte]

Truth be told I kinda like the idea that the shitty things Cosmo & Wanda did in the original FOP (awful arguing, being irresponsible with Poof, etc) are all still canon in some way. Probably not everything, but the basics at the very least.

It makes the overarching story of the franchise more interesting. Why did they end up changing, for example? Was Timmy really that bad? Did the 50 extra years take a toll on them? Did they realize they were creating a bad environment for their son and decide to fix it?

And speaking of their son, it ends up shining a new light on Dev and his dynamic. All Dev sees is the current positive relationship, something that he desperately wants, but if everything from the OG is canon, then it wasn't always that way. His parents hated each other, he was constantly being mishandled, he was sent off to a boarding school at less than a year old... also dropped in the Grand Canyon once.

Dev thinks Peri has the perfect life compared to him, but... hoo that's a lot of early childhood trauma.

It'd probably be a bit difficult to properly implement with the full respect it would need, but... well, I doubt that'll end up canon in the show, 'cause that's a bit heavy for the age range. I'll save it for my imagination instead :P

[bucketspammer4life]

☆ WVBA Sleepover ☆

This is what i imagine if all the boxers had a sleepover, i had so much fun doing this, imagine the ref as your dad telling you and your friends to shut up at 4 AM in the morning during your sleepover

Glass Joe

- actually trying to sleep

- enjoyed watching movies

- keeps picking truth while playing truth and dare and pissing off everyone

- "guys shut up my moms calling i gotta take this"

- sore loser of any pillow fights that take place

Von Kaiser

- cant sleep because they keep annoying him

- "guys let Joe speak to his mom"

- screamed while watching a horror movie and keeps getting made fun of for it

- if you pick dare while playing truth and dare with him, hes gonna be so evil and cruel

- keeps getting pillows thrown at him by Macho Man

Disco Kid

- wont sleep, at all

- "Tell her i said hi, Joe"

- laughed at a character getting decapitated while watching a horror movie and freaked everyone out

- came up with the brilliant idea of playing "she's/he's a ten but.."

- tries to protect kaiser from the pillow strikes

- had the very great idea of doing karaoke at 3 am in the morning, Got told to shut up by the ref

- keeps picking dare while playing truth and dare, if you choose dare while playing with him, he'll make you dance or sing

Piston Hondo

- really sleepy but doesnt want to sleep because he knows that he'll get pranked (let my boy sleep, hes tired, hes a little eepy)

- trying to help joe ve able to speak to his mom, doing his best

- made a pillow fort to hide from the pillow fight

- if you choose dare while playing truth and dare with him, he'll say something dumb like "scream from the balcony" if you pick truth he'll ask really unhinged questions like "have you ever wanted to kill someone"

- completely silent during the movie,either enjoying it or traumatized

King Hippo

- runmaging through the kitchen, Just hungry

- screaming behind Joe as he tries to talk to his mom

- "hi mom i-"

- "HUAAGGHHHHHGGGHHHHHHH"

- aran ryan thinks its hilarious

- ref chased him with a chair at some point from the screaming

- pretended to be watching the movie but he watched the back of his eyelids instead

Great Tiger

- doing his best not to fall asleep

- "say hi to her for me joe!!"

- winner of the pillow fight thanks to his clones

- keeps asking personal stuff during truth and dare

- "kaiser, what is your deepest, darkest fear?"

- "questions like these"

- keeps yelling at the characters in the horror movie

- "WHY WOULD YOU GO TO THE BASEMENT THE DOOR IS COVERED İN BLOOD!!-"

- tamest dares ever, the fuck is "i dare you to roll on the floor" about

Don Flamenco

- passed out for a while, got his wig (i know its not a wig but its funny to say he got his wig stolen, come on) stolen & had a game of tic tac toe played on his humoungus forehead

- annoying Joe as he tries to speak to his mom by imitating a womans voice while saying really concerning stuff

- kept getting his wig (its funny to say that shut up) knocked off during the pillow fight

- traumatized by the horror movie, 1000 yard stare during it

- played "she's/he's a ten but.." And ended up finding out everyones type

- so much gossip oh my god

-keeps pulling the classic "who do you have a crush on?" during truth and dare

Bear Hugger

- someone keeps whispering dumb stuff in his ear while hes trying to sleep and he keeps laughing at it, mind you it isnt just a little "teehee" either its a entire ass tornado siren, keeps scaring everyone with his laugh

- whacked most during the pillow fight, may he rest in peace

- keeps asking dumb stuff during truth and dare, bear what do you mean by "i dare you to tapdance"

- also yelling at the actors during the horror movie

-" YOU HAVE A HAMMER BEAT HIM WITH IT- NO DONT THROW IT AT HIM"

- also gossiping

Soda Popinski

- pretends to be awake, didnt get noticed sleeping somehow

- saying dumb stuff while Joe tries to talk to his mom

-" sorry for the noise m-"

-" WE ARE DOING DRUGS."

- keeps laughing at the horror movie

- keeps picking dare while playing truth and dare, got dared to beat the ref into the ground by aran ryan, got sad because he got stopped

- wrecking everyone during the pillow fight

Bald Bull

-trying to not fall asleep, struggling clearly, refuses to admit it

- "bull you look like a raccoon please get some sleep"

- "im fine dont worry"

- zoned out during the movie so he didnt have much of a reaction

- keeps picking truth while playing, hates the personal questions

- physically there, mentally not

- 5th to pass out suprisingly

-Just hiding behind hondos fort while watching the pillow fight

Super Macho Man

- keeps whispering dumb stuff while everyones trying to sleep

- saying even more concerning stuff while Joe tries to talk to his mom

- "mom theyre just-"

-"STEAL HIS COCK, BOYS."

- got beaten half to death during the pillow fight

- also traumatized by the horror movie

- gossiping (as he should, PURR)

Aran Ryan

- this fucking menace. Said sleep is for the weak & proceeded to pass out, before that he just kept whispering "penis." while everyone was trying to sleep

- got duct taped to the ceiling by sandman & fell asleep there

- put rocks in his pillow during the pillow fight, still got his shit ROCKED

- kept talking during the movie

- "oh my god i swear if she doesnt push him down the stairs-"

-"shut up"

- the only person he didnt bother was bull, this was only because he was concerned

- did some prank calls but got caught during the 4th call

Mr Sandman

- didnt bother anyone

- "LET JOE SPEAK TO HIS MOM FUCKING DAMN IT"

- really quiet

- was out for blood during the pillow fight

- taped aran ryan to the ceiling

- listened to the gossip

Extra

King hippo fell asleep last on the kitchen floor

Aran ryan fell on top of glass joe when the tape broke while he was asleep, you havent known true fear until a irishman on your ceiling falls on you, both of them broke some bones

Ref got a headache after all this

King hippo kept running around the house until 6 AM

The idea of taping aran ryan to the ceiling came from von kaiser since his dad did that once

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest | Vol 29

Howdy folks!

This is the final Spreadsheet Digest of 2023! I started the spreadsheet back in May as a way for me to keep up with everything I read. Basically, I was having trouble finding fics I had read so I could reread them or I was getting two chapters into a new series before realizing I'd already read it. So I did what I do and I made a spreadsheet about it. Then I felt like other people might benefit from a searchable list of fics. Then, and I don't know why, I thought people might want to know what I thought about the stuff I was reading. And here we are - 29 volumes and 34 weeks later.

Sorry for long intro! This week I have 16 fics for you (Frankie, Joel, Max Phillips, Javi P, Ezra, Dieter, Dave York, and Jack/Whiskey). Summaries and Tags provided by the author where applicable - sometimes I filled in some stuff.

You can find my masterlist here and all my fic recs here

Recs under the Pedro!

My Way - Frankie one shot by @goodwithcheese

Summary: Frankie's working on his truck... you interrupt him Tags: PIV Sex, Frankie uses his words, aka "you know he talks you through it," frankie is bossy Thoughts: if he uhhh "uses his words" this much in the series this is technically set in, I do believe I'll be reading that. This was HOT. Like absurdly hot. Lemme be you car girl, Frankie

Cocoon - Joel series by @secretelephanttattoo

Summary: A short ode to Joel's coat. / a bath with Joel Tags: Angst and intimacy. 1 reference to blood and allusion to canon typical violence (nothing is described) Thoughts: God i love little intimate moments like this... wrapping yourself up in Joel's coat, washing the bad day out of his curls... I am SICK! Someone let me hold this man, please.

I'll Leave a Light On For You - Max Phillips one shot by @oonajaeadira

Summary: Max has reservations when it comes to love, and for very good reasons. Tags: Angst. Character death. Allusions to the atrocities of war and its lasting effects. Max is a vampire. Traumatic soul memory. Me assuming I know anything about French culture of the 1930s. Thoughts: This is beautiful. Just absolutely stunning. I have a fascination with the concept of past lives, and I adore the way it's written about it here. There are some really interesting takes on it here with Max being a vampire. Also, side note, this fic made me cry. It's that soft angst that you don't expect to make you sob, but holy shit. When it hit (you'll know it when you read it) it hit. I was devastated. And then because it's adira and "we do soft here" it ends sweet.

Once in a Blue Moon - Dieter one shot by @whatsnewalycat

Summary: You're the only person working when a Christmas blizzard rolls into town and snows you in with a notoriously difficult guest, Dieter Bravo. Tags: one shot, slight dub con elements (power imbalance, isolation, alcohol) although both parties are enthusiastically consenting, hotel guest x hotel staff, blizzard, Minnesota because that’s my best friend, dieter generally being an ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ ass bitch, kinda enemies to lovers???, Christmas, loneliness, palm reading, food and eating, cannabis, conspiracy theory mention, fluuuuuufffff, smut, dirty talk, a dash of conflict, painting stuff, power outage, poverty mention Thoughts: Aly has this way of writing Dieter that is like she knows him in real life. He feels so personal and real to me in her stories. I think I say this every time I talk about her fics, but my Dieter would not exist without hers. Anyway -- this fic is wonderful. Dieter has all that silly druggie boy charm he always has, there's a really interesting inclusion of him having PTSD from working on the movie from The Bubble and a really interesting way that he's dealing with it. It's got perfect vibes for us christmas haters too. I loved this so much.

Jingle Balls / Dashing through the ho - Frankie series by @idolatrybarbie

Summary: Santa Frankie porn... that's it. That's the fic Tags: santa kink???, cockwarming, cum, like so much cum, unprotected vaginal sex, unethical use of a mall Santa Village, semi-public sex, dirty talk and pet names, mentions of free use. / santa kink again, free use, spreader bar, creampie, come eating, facefucking, throatpie, anal sex, degradation, cum, pet names (honey, little girl, sweet girl, baby), praise, CUM AGAIN GUYS LIKE IDK WHAT HAPPENED HERE. Thoughts: This is mostly my fault and I refuse to apologize for it

Galletita - Javi P one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Summary: Your sister and brother-in-law have enlisted your help with their small business while they await the birth of their first baby. You help with the cafe and find yourself face to face with a new customer whose appetite might have met its match in you. Tags: big boi Javi P is hungry and a little cranky, you like to bake and Javi likes to eat, belly kink, feeding kink, probably bad Spanish, we’re playing fast and loose with timelines, canon, and everything in general, so just forget about timey wimey boo boo wah wah and enjoy the story lmao Thoughts: I do, in fact, need a big boy

Devour - Ezra one shot by @frannyzooey

Summary: Falling for Ezra on the Green Tags: harvesting violence, mentions of gore and blood, mentions of cannibalism, love as consumption and all the visuals that come with it, so much fucking and filth and ass play and cum eating it isn’t funny Thoughts: It was a gift for me, so I really probably should not be so amazed by how much I love this fic. But oh my god, dude. Love as consumption, freak nasty smut, Ezra being Ezra, bi!Ez, the Din/Ez hints (I'd like to know more about that), it's all perfect. I will never stop being obsessed with this

Tear You Apart - Dieter one shot by @psychedelic-ink

Summary: it's the 70s and your friend invites you to an underground club where one of your favorite musicians is playing: dieter bravo. Tags: innocence kink, mild corruption kink, backstage sex, piv, dirty talk, weed, oral + handjob (male receiving)obsessed with rockstar Dieter. Thoughts: I'm surprised I haven't seen more rockstar Dieter. This was hot, filthy, and just... in the words of the man himself perfect.

One Man Show - Dieter one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

Summary: Dieter gets himself off! Tags: male masturbation, use of sex toys, anal fingering, butt plug, sex tape??? i guess Thoughts: I'm loving this solo session concept so much. Dieter filming himself!!! for no reason!!! is so hot. Everything about this is so fucking hot. I want him to send me that video...

I am a nightmare, you are a miracle - Joel series by @party-hearses

Summary: After your two year relationship with Tommy Miller ends, Joel takes you in — and it’s home like you’ve never quite known before. Tags: slow burn, explicit (eventual) smut, language, infidelity, alcohol, age difference, soft!joel, no cordyceps outbreak, sarah doesn’t exist (sorry), tommy stans don’t come for me. Thoughts: I have been very intentionally not reading WIPs and waiting for them to be finished, but I fucked up. I was scrolling the dash and frannyzooey recc'd this and it caught my eye and I just didn't even check if it was finished. But I regret nothing. Ch 4 is coming soon, I'm manifesting it. I fucking love Joel in this and I'm super intrigued by reader's uhhhh mommy issues and the way that those manifest.

MASTERLIST BINGE INCOMING | @brandyllyn

To sell your love for peace - Javi P series by @brandyllyn

Summary: You are Javier’s newest informant. You’re not his usual type but he’s willing to make an exception. More than one. Tags: smut, sex work, canon typical violence, javi being a moron Thoughts: I adore a lovers to idiots to lovers story... and man is Javi an idiot. The characterization of Javi here is perfect. Protective!Javi is very canon and I love seeing it in fic. Also, I don't normally go for miscommunication tropes (they tend to annoy me) but this was perfect. I loved every second of this story.

The Serpent Under It - Dave York one shot by brandyllyn

Summary: Dave is very good at his job Tags: Canon typical violence. kinda dark yo, soulmate AU Thoughts: I don't typically read soulmate AUs, but I actually read several of brandyllyn's this week. They're very different from the normal trope. This one broke my heart and it's less than 800 words.

To perish twice - Javi P series by brandyllyn

Summary: You can feel when your soulmate comes. Tags: smut, soulmate AU, Javi being an idiot, male masturbation, piv sex Thoughts: This is what I mean... you can feel when your soulmate has a fuckin orgasm??? What a concept. This was really hot, kind of funny, and had just the right amount of angst.

Cross My Heart - Ezra one shot by brandyllyn

Summary: While waiting at a clinic for the hope of a prosthetic arm, Ezra meets a woman who will change his life Tags: Talk of self harm / suicide but no one does it, discussion of medical procedures and prostheses, some use of ability based slurs by Ezra and others, canon typical violence Thoughts: We love a man who will threaten to murder someone's entire family for you... no seriously. I absolutely love Ezra's characterization here and I love the FMC's story AHHH. It's just a very sweet story... with a little Ezra flair.

Into the Shade - Ezra series by brandyllyn

Summary: Why would anyone fake having a soulmate? Tags: Ezra being Ezra, con man!ezra, soulmate AU, smut, Ezra x OFC smut, Ezra x reader is in there though. Thoughts: Yet again, the typical soulmate concept has been turned on its head here, and I love it. I also adore the flores animae - the particular soulmate mechanic in this fic. It's really interesting!

Dreams are Sweet Until They're Not - Jack Daniels series by brandyllyn

Summary: A crimson rose could only mean one thing. Tags: soulmates au, Jack being a slut, angst, smut, happy ending Thoughts: Okay last soulmates AU on the list, sorry. I went a little nuts. They're just so good. The ending of this one was so sweet, dude.

---------------------

My fics this week:

Something Sweet - Javi p x reader - You’re new to the team in Colombia and all alone on your birthday. Your partner, Javier Peña, decides to do something sweet for you. (fluff, smut)

Under Your Skin - jack daniels x javi p x reader - You’ve worked on Chucho’s ranch since you were 15 years old, grew up with Javi, loved Javi… He comes back after nearly 20 years to find you hooking up with a certain former secret agent. He’s jealous, for sure, but of who? (smut)

in the a.m. - javi p x reader - Between sleeping with informants and getting in bed with Los Pepes in the fight to bring down Escobar, Javier Peña also finds time to be with you. Wrestling with crippling self hatred, Javi tries and fails to keep his blood stained hands off of you. Based on some of my favorite Arctic Monkeys songs (smut, angst)

--------------------

Happy Reading!

[ewanmitchelll]

Imagine Taylor Swift’s songs (XIV): State of Grace.

Imagine you find the love of your life on Tinder. But there’s a lot going on before you and him realize that.

Warnings 1: fluff, light reading, some drama, light smut.

***

• (I)

I'm walking fast through the traffic lights. Busy streets and busy lives and all we know is touch and go. We are alone with our changing minds. We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds, or fades in time…

You stare at the Tinder app you’ve just downloaded. Motivations cannot be concealed of why you are doing it. Loneliness is why it’s suddenly opened, leading you to interact with strangers under the pretense you are about to fall in love with the man of your life.

Ridiculous are such romantic notions, and you have no one to blame for nurturing them but yourself. That is why you open it and sliding these male pictures like they are part of an odd menu, you think you are very demanding when you see his picture on your screen.

His profile reads:

Aemond T, 28 years old. “Live fast. Die young. No idea what the fuck I’m doing here, but it is what it is.”

You think those lines are quite amusing and you press the “like” button, a part of you doubting he’s liking you back. Especially when your profile reads:

Y/N, 28 years old. “I talk a lot and make bad jokes. If you are here to be monosyllabic, please get out.”

To your disconcert, he likes you back.

“Well, let’s see how this one goes”, you tell yourself, somewhere between self pity and skepticism.

*

Aemond Targaryen has arrived home in the first rays of morning. Ran on the streets, crossing red lights, a color he dresses and lives for, hardly respecting it at times when he finds convenient.

Living at the upper east side of King’s Landing, he’s slightly drunk when he gets at the apartment he shares with the only tolerable member of his family: his sister, Laena, who’s sleeping by now.

Opening Tinder because, since he left Alys, he feels the need of one night stand, he finds himself quite impatient before such pursuit. When he sees Y/N on his screen, he knows this is not the kind of woman he usually hangs out with.

In fact, this bad boy hardly looks for good girls—Alys once accused him of mother issues for dating older women who somewhat resemble his mother and this kind of traumatized him. No one knows, but he’s doing therapy to fix this issue.

But you are not older, hardly look like his mother, Mrs Alicent Hightower, and… well, you look beautiful with vivid y/c eyes, smooth y/c skin and y/c hair tossed against the wind.

As soon as he sees he’s corresponded, he sends a message, almost falling asleep because it’s 5 am but he’s surprised when you promptly reply.

“What’s up?”, Aemond writes, half drunk, half asleep.

“All good. And you? Where do you speak from?”, you write back.

“Upper east side, you?”

“Not the richest part of the town for sure.”

When reading these acid lines, Aemond laughs, though something about them annoys him in the same measure.

“What do you know about that?”

“Enough to know this is not a place I frequent.”

“So where do you come from?”

“I recently left High Garden and am temporarily living at the capital. In that neighborhood called Y/C.”

“That’s a good neighborhood. Despite your prejudice, I actually go there at times.”

“My prejudice? Do you suppose I hate rich people now?”

Aemond is not sure how the hell this is going. Shouldn’t a one night stand be this difficult to find, for sure.

“Sorry. I’m drunk.”

He’s about to throw the phone away and touch himself instead. This appears to be a better option. Besides, calling Alys is not fucking considered.

“Apologies accepted. I admit I did not express myself well”, you write. “Should we start again?”

Aemond, between horny and impatient, finds himself compelled not to throw away his phone, after all.

“Sure, why not? What are you doing at 5 am? I mean… I have the excuse of being drunk after a fantastic party at the port, but you?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts over my head, I think, but this is not a conversation for Tinder.”

Now Aemond is wide awake. You don’t look like any superficial woman he’d been talking these days.

“Why, tell me about it. I am an expert when it’s about anxiety and other things. Besides, who do you take me for? I like deep conversations.”

“Send me a text message and we can keep this going.” And you write your number down.

The silver haired male raises an eyebrow. Despite the poor starter, you are more interesting than he’d formerly judged.

I wonder what lies behind these photographed vivid eyes, Y/N.

***

You exchange messages with Aemond for three days. A date is set, and before you know expectations rise. Then you start to sabotage yourself.

You begin to look for excuses when it comes to meet this strange, handsome rich man. Old traumas remind you of past failures, but your mind is briefly distracted when he sends you a message:

“Hey, Y/N. How’s it going? Didn’t hear from you today.”

It’s mid-week, and due to your work as y/c you occupied yourself enough to avoid his name or the fact that in three days you might meet him.

Part of you wonders what could possibly go wrong whilst another makes a power point presentation with lists of why it could go worse than expected.

“All good”, you eventually answer. “Sorry for not answering straight away. I’ve been working.”

To your surprise, he doesn’t take long to answer you back.

“How’s work so far?”

You know Aemond works as humanities professor at Westeros University, but that he’s also part of that (rather infamous) Targaryen family.

“Good so far. Just busy. How’s yours?”

“One needs patience to deal with young adults that still think they are teenagers. By the way, apologies for the swift change of subjects, but how’s our Saturday going? Still standing, I hope?”

You hesitate, panicking before the idea of seeing someone. Part of you tries to find motives to avoid him, but another, more reasonable, reminds you this is living: hurting, yes, but embracing the joys life may offer. Shielding oneself against disappointment will not stop them happening, so what is the point of hiding in shadows under the pretense of impeding suffering?

“Is 10 o’clock good?”

“It works fine for me. I’ll see you there!”

It’s set. Your first date in three years…

• (II)

You come around and the armor falls. Pierce the room like a cannonball. Now all we know is don't let go. We are alone, just you and me…

Aemond is not romantic, but practical like his ex used to mock. He is not the kind of man who opens easily, rather being a man of actions.

How unusual, or perhaps following an advice of his sister dear, that he opts as first date with a girl he’d never seen before a picnic at the Aegon’s Hill.

Dressed like someone who could easily be mistaken as a motorcycle rider man, he’s wearing a pair of sunglasses and threw over his shoulder a black jacket, wearing a simple white shirt and black pants.

He checks his phone once a while, but why is he feeling dizzy at this first encounter with a stranger?

It’s when he spots you dressed in a flower dress, medium y/c hair blowing against the wind, wearing a pair of blue sandals on your feet.

A funny contrast you two are, like sun and moon when they meet, resulting in an eclipse. But as Aemond watches you come, shy and insecure about him, he wonders where this will go.

Taking off his sunglasses, he stands and smiles:

“Y/N? It’s me, Aemond.”

“Oh”, you barely blink when spotting those purple eyes. “You are taller than I had assumed.”

He chuckles at your remark.

“In my family this is a remarkable trait, some would say.” Aemond offers you a seat and you soon take it.

You see the picnic is already set, the cloth already spread over the green grass on a spot that has some shadows thanks to a large tree that there stands.

There are fruits, cakes, cereals and breads, but also juice, water and coffee. You are positively impressed by the effort he paid to this. Aemond side smirks at your reaction.

“What? Did you like it?”

“I loved it”, you smile the brightest at him. “Thank you, Aemond. I’ve never done picnics before.”

“No?”, he inquires, watching you with interest. “How come? I thought this was a common thing at High Garden?”

You laugh heartily and Aemond decides that he likes the sound.

“I am not a noblewoman, my dear. It may be a tradition amidst the local elite. You must certainly have heard of a beauty named Margaery Tyrell. She does promote these events there, but like I said, I’ve moved to Kings Landing a few years ago.”

“The name may hint something, but I don’t care about elites and their gatherings”, says Aemond, serving himself some water whilst you opt for some juice. “My father loves throwing fanciful parties, but I don’t fit them, so I stopped going.”

As you study him, your gaze and his linger for one small, but significant moment before you say:

“So I get you are not very close to your family?”

“Not really, no. But you wouldn’t be if your father favored one child over the other and expected gratitude in return”, he smiles despite the poisonous words.

You raise your eyebrows.

“Is it that bad then?”

“You have no idea.”

You tilt your head.

“I cannot believe I relate to you, Aemond Targaryen.”

For some reason, this brings you both to delightful laughters in that first date…

***

• (III)

And I never saw you coming. And I'll never be the same…

It’s been two weeks. What was supposed to be a chasing after one night stand it has become new discoveries giving space to new sensations.

Aemond likes to kiss your lips in his car, to make you laugh at his bad jokes or listen when you tell about your day.

You like to listen to him too, not only about his days, but his past experiences, open wounds that mirror yours. And when he kisses you it is as if the world stops spinning and everything takes in a slower rhythm.

His kiss makes you feel unspeakable things, but that you never felt encouraged in doing them, transferring to reality what has only been a fantasy of your dreams.

Nonetheless, you are still reluctant in pushing affairs forward and Aemond respects you that. He reads you like an open book, always observant about your mannerisms.

This day, for example, you two are at a coffeehouse that is located within a bookshop. There, you read a book of poems all the whilst he drinks coffee. It’s a comfortable silence and it gives him such a peace, one of the kind he’s unused to it.

“What are you looking at?”, you ask upon sensing his stare, which makes you blush.

He chuckles, finding adorable how easily he makes you shy.

“You”, says he directly. “I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful like you, reading so concentrated.”

You giggle like a silly girl, finally putting the book aside to take his long hand in yours, enjoying how smooth it is when your fingers are locked with his.

“Stop it”, you shoot him an embarrassed look. “You know it’s untrue.”

Aemond laughs quietly. He then makes sure you are now sitting on his lap, disregarding the fact you two are at a public place.

“I mean every word I say”, he looks deep into your eyes, holding your hips as he rests his chin over your shoulder. “How come I feel more alive when I’m with you, dearest Y/Nickname? My heart races when you look at me like that.”

You lean closer to him, a smile spreading big on your lips before cupping his face with your hands.

In your mind you cry out a big “I love you”, but these words don’t reach your tongue yet. You thus kiss his lips instead and there you stay, at your private paradise.

*

Later, he drives you to his home. His sister isn’t there and Aemond wants to show you his place properly. This is the first time you are there since you and him started dating—though no label has come out of either mouths yet.

Once inside, you are given a tour at the apartment. It’s bigger than you’d expect, but cozy and nice to look at with a huge view at his living room to the sea.

“Look at this view!”, you exclaim in awe as you see green hills mixing with different modern buildings that are combined with the blue of the oceans, reflecting the same shade of the color that paints the skies. “I wish I was this privileged! But then I remember I already am.”

And saying so, you look at him, transmitting more than you’d expect. But even so… when Aemond meets your gaze, he sees it through you. What is curious is that, somewhere in his past, he’d flee, panic or fight it in his way by sabotaging the process.

He still has his scars, and these are eventually coming to surface, but this silver haired male has no space in his mind that is not you. Thus, he comes to stay behind you and says:

“You know what, Y/N? Be with me. Be my girlfriend.”

You turn your head at him. It is easy to be involved by sweet words and empty promises, but this is not what you feel when your wide-eyed gaze meets his intense one.

Souls speak in silence when desires, sentiments and thoughts are aligned in one purpose. Could it be any different? Perhaps yes, but neither you nor Aemond conceive otherwise.

"Yes, my dearest."

You turn and wrap your hands around his neck. Proximity is shortened as his long, callous hands tight the grip around your waist and his forehead once again rests against yours and a kiss comes as a result.

Though he is not yet ready to speak these three words that at times can be seen behind his dazzling purple eyes, Aemon is more than ready in building a new, more optimistic future with you by his side.

A sentiment and perception that you share as your togue snakes in his and together dance in one slow syncronized rhythm. Silence remains undefeated in the surroundings... but for how long?

His is the fireous pursuit and you, like a timber prompted to burn. Soon, you are pressed against the wall with his lips still locked with yours, but his hands move to your hips, there staying, there caressing your bum before rising to your waist and slowly transferring his gentle, warming touch to your back, underneath the blouse you wear.

It does not help that, after biting your bottom lip, he breaks the kiss so he gradually grows bold in his teasings. You like how your boyfriend--and the word brings a smile to your redish lips--takes his time to get to know you and your pace even if you suspect he's a dragon like the standard of the symbol of his famous family.

You play with his long locks, wrapping them around your fingers, sighing quietly as his tongue takes its time to get familiar with your neck. You giggle softly, however, when his hands rest subtly on your belly.

"Yes, babe?", he raises his eyes to meet yours and in them you see mischief. "Is it good for my lady?"

Your knees often weaken and your body gets instantly warm at whenever he is gallant with you. Aemond, a good observer, knows it well. No wonder why he smirks at you.

"It is more than good, I fear to say", you chuckle, struggling not to rub one leg to the other, especially when he looks at you like that. And you find yourself restless, prompted to let your fingertips vaguerously move from his arms to his chest, thus helping him remove his shirt.

"Is it so?", Aemond laughs quietly, letting you take the reins of the moment. "Your innocent gaze makes me no fool, young lady".

Saying so he presses you one more time against the wall, biting your neck all the whilst your hands eagerly move to his pants.

"You are my doom", you whimper impatiently.

The spark is about to explode...

***

(IV)

So you were never a saint and I've loved in shades of wrong We learn to live with the pain, Mosaic broken hearts. But this love is brave and wild

Even sun sets in paradise. In due time, his obscurity comes to surface as well as your vices. Jealousy is a trait you dislike in yourself, reflecting the insecurity within due to bad experiences in former relationships.

His self entitled taste for liberty awakes this beast, coming to test your relationship in the famous “three months crisis”.

“Don’t give me the silent treatment”, says Aemond, troubled by your silence as he drives you home.

The cause of disagreement rests in the unwelcoming presence of Alys Rivers. Two days after Aemond’s birthday party, she, who remained a close friend to his brother Aegon—even if his entire family hates her for reasons you have not yet figured out—paid him a visit and you were not told about this.

But he eventually tells you like it is not relevant for your relationship. You, proud where sentiments are concerned, think that if he cannot see how wrong this all is, certainly will not find out by you.

“I am not giving any silent treatment”, your words cry a wound open in your ego, your voice betrays your pride.

Aemond sighs and stops the car somewhere random.

“Come now, don’t be like this, Y/N”, he looks at you with confused eyes. “We have always talked about everything, haven’t we?”

Your therapist usually tells you that, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to speak out, you must not swallow your sentiments nor bury them by turning into a burden that should be forgotten. Or else your body would feel the results, which in turn were not nice.

Aemond can see you are struggling against yourself, aware that underneath you there lies old scars that still do you harm. He puts a hand around your shoulders, patient.

“Take your time”, he says with his usual soothing voice.

In other circumstances, he’d not be patient. But this is someone whom he cares deeply, having grown to love sincerely. Only another woman holds his patient affection and it’s his sister, Helaena.

Eventually you burst into tears, letting yourself exposed before this man you love. You’d think he is the kind of guy who likes strong women so you’d never let be seen so fragile, so open.

Aemond somehow comprehends it, then he lifts your face so you can meet his gaze and see there’s no judgement behind his eyes. Wiping away your tears, he suddenly realizes, after examining his conscience, the probable cause of your hurting.

“What did I do, lass? There is no need to push me away. We must speak. What is troubling you, my love?”

“I… I…” you take a deep breath, confident you can battle your demons. “You welcomed her, the woman who you told me you loved fiercely for many years. You welcomed her at your house and tell me as if this is no big deal? She may remain friends with your brother, but then what about us? What about me? Do you care so little about my feelings that you simply receive her, a woman I cannot equal in many ways?”

Oh, the thought comes too late. So this is what it’s about.

Aemond doesn’t know how to respond straight away. Sticking to his early encouragement, he is not running away from himself.

There is embarrassment, there is shame. His thoughts are a mess, but only after you stop sobbing that he turns at you.

“I’m sorry, Y/Nickname. That was imprudent of me.”

“I am not that kind of girl who is possessive of her boyfriend. Who you hang out with is your problem, we all have friends and it’s completely understandable to be friends with one’s ex but…”

“Wait”, he frowns. “Are you friends with your exes?”

You ignore his remark.

“…to welcome her like that without even telling me, and at your own house with no one else. How can I feel comfortable with that?”

“Aegon was there”, Aemond mumbles. “This doesn’t excuse, I know. I’m sorry, darling. And I had no idea you compared with her. For the love of God, I am your boyfriend, not hers. If I wanted to relive the past, I would be a historian or a museologist.”

Pleased to make you chuckle, Aemond smiles at you, pressing a soft kiss against your temple.

“Are we good?”

“Yes, my love, we are.”

And you two stay silent, appreciating each other’s company with only the stars and the poorly illuminated posts as witnesses.

*

A few months later, a graver disagreement comes like an earthquake to shake the stability between you two.

Aemond is a possessive man, so he is not exactly a man of sharing. This flaw comes particularly when he feels threatened by others. One of these is his nephew, Jacaerys Velaryon.

He thought this rascal man was being friendlier to you than you deserved. You two had a fervent argument after that.

Or when you accused him of running away of his commitment to you by not introducing you to his family.

As you can see, it’s been a hell of a ride.

But twelve months later and insecurities are overcome, with you finally settled with each other’s demons.

***

• (V)

This is a state of grace. This is the worthwhile fight. Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right. These are the hands of fate. You're my Achilles heel. This is the golden age of something good and right and real…

You mount on him, ready to another drive. It feels so damn good to have his cock twitching hard, thrusting inside you as you two move slowly.

“This is so damn good”, you moan, eyes closed.

“Do not be loud, my dear”, Aemond smirks, adjusting to you, taking a seat without letting you fall.

Curtain is open, giving path to moonlight spark in his bedroom. You are at his apartment, having recently moved together.

But dear Helaena’s birthday is coming soon and some of the family is spending time there.

“I am trying to, but you make it difficult”, you whimper when he takes your breast to his mouth all the while fingering you concomitantly to his moves.

And then he rolls you to his bed, fastening his pace and kissing you passionately.

Not too long after that and you both come together in the same climax. When cuddling you, Aemond says.

“I corrupted you, didn’t I?”

You cast him an amused glance.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve become more naughty since we’ve met”, Aemond chuckles, kissing your neck. “Not that I am complaining.”

“What can I do if the makeup sex is really good?”, you laugh quietly.

Interlocking fingers, you two stay like this for a moment, staring into the nude dark sky able to spot from his bed.

“I was thinking…”

“Yes?”

You look at him, admiring his beauty, the paled, smooth skin, the well built muscles perfectly drawn in his shaped body, his long hands that mould so well with yours… Even his wrongs, his flaws, his vices… make you love him ardently.

Sensing your gaze, Aemond begins to flush.

“I am no romantic”, he whispers in his usual quiet tone. “But you know how I’ve grown to overcome my disability in expressing my thoughts and sentiments.”

“I’ve always judged you did this better than me”, you muse partially joking, pleased to make him smile.

“I…”

Now on your elbows, you take his face with your hands.

“What’s it my dear?”

Avoiding your inquisitive gaze, Aemond is silent before bursting it soon:

“Be my wife.”

You barely blink, a small, silly smile, coming to form on your lips.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me”, he blushes.

You laugh at his lack of sensibility. Throwing yourself at him gives the peace his rioting heart requires.

“Is this a… yes?”, Aemond asks, unsure. “I should have done it better, I’m so…”

You shush him by kissing his lips, then saying:

“Of course this is a yes! You are my state of grace, Aemond Targaryen! I could have not asked for a better husband.”

When contemplating the genuine joy stamped in your features, he, stroking your cheek, then says:

“You are the love of my life, Y/N Y/LN.”

Without waiting for any response, he holds you against his chest, rocking you in his arms as you share a kiss.

It’s the first chapter of your happily ever after…

[berrypass-de-murdler]

59. I Yacht to Kill You for This

For one I love this title so much

And this episode is WAY, WAY too long because of how much needless book-trio lore there is

So I hope you enjoy this needlessly detailed filler episode

Featuring CHOONKERS

(I love him so much help me)

DON'T READ THE EPISODES UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE FIRST BOOK!!

The Bookers are on Chalk’s yacht. Ink is writing, Bookie is pacing, and Ivory is there. Chalk has a new scar on his nose from… something. Everyone looks distressed.

CHALK: I’m going to call over Logico. GAINSBORO: NO, NO, NOT THE LOGICO! INK: Calm down. He never did anything to you. GAINSBORO: HE stole a bookie from me :’< CHALK: His book isn’t selling very well, we need to find ideas to raise-

Ink types faster and harder.

CHALK: [looms] Are you doing- INK: Yeah. Logico’s books aren’t selling. Now I’m going to bribe him with my fancy boat so he does more shit and makes me more money. CHALK: ?? IVORY: [scoff] Ya, girl. INK: That’s all you care about isn’t it? The stupid fucking books? Everything’s just a publicity stunt to you!!  CHALK: Jobs- INK: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A PUBLICITY STUNT?

She yeets a typewriter at him, but he jumps out of the way and it almost hits Bookie, who is traumatized.

IVORY: What the fuck did you do that for, bitch??

Ivory shoves Ink off the boat, but Chalk catches her. Bookie is a shaking mess of Gainsboro.

GAINSBORO: If you let her back on this boat I will kill you.

He fucking means it, too.

CHALK: I am very sorry.

He lets go.

IVORY: OH MY GOD!!!

Ive grabs a sharp piece of metal and stabs at Chalk a few times, before Bookie gets in her face and tries to slam his wings on her head. Lightning strikes as they cry out to the sky.

Logico FINALLY arrives, and by then someone’s dead. NOT ONE OF THE CHARACTERS, just some freak in the dining room. He sees a frazzled Bookie and a pouting Ivory. Ink is clutching onto the side of the boat, and a bloodied Chalk ‘greets’ the man.

LOGICO: What did you want me for. CHALK: Books, Logico. YOUR BOOK. LOGICO: I don’t care- CHALK: It’s not doing well, as is EVIDENT. If only we had some way of gaining publicity. Oh! One of my sailors was murdered! You could solve THAT.

The grumpy llama storms off. Ink blots into the water.

INK: [anger sounds] GROSS… LOGICO: I will rescue you.

Logico uses a fishing rod to bring her back up.

IVORY: Ugh, fr? INK: Thank you, Logico. I’m so sorry about all this.

Poor baby Bookie is sobbing.

LOGICO: What. GAINSBORO: I WON’T DO WHAT THEY MAKE ME DO, THEY’LL NEVER!

Chalk is sad looking at the precious booker. His (ancient) phone rings.

LAVENDER: CHALK DEARIE. IT’S LAVENDER. 

Chalkers’ hand shakes and he drops the phone, because he doesn’t want to do this right now.

LAVENDER: CHALK. HELLO? CHALK. CHAIRMAN. WHERE ARE YOU?? PICK UP THE PHONE, YOU IDIOT! HELLO!!!

The boi looks over the edge of the boat with the most solemnity.

LOGICO: What did you even want with me. CHALK: OH, I- YOU?? YOU THINK- OHO- I- THIS IS ABOUT YOU?? I DON’T K- 

He motions to spit on the short king like an actual llama, but covers his mouth and sobs. Logico is distracted by marot cards… just like he would be at a time like this.

He knows who did it. In the stupid fight, Chalk threw his golden pen and it somehow got wedged into a guy. The four book people look at the corpse and think… what am I doing with my life? 

CHALK: I’m so sorry… INK: …I guess I am too. IVORY: Yeah, and like, whatever, I guess.

Bookie just wants his llama boi. Any other day, Logico’s cold, unbeaten heart would be warmed by the sight, but no. Ink pulls him into a hug.

CHALK: About the books… LOGICO: I don’t care about the BOOKS.  CHALK: What do you care about, Deductive? LOGICO: HIIIIIIIM. CHALK: Oh, that would actually be great for sales… If you got bloody revenge on the guy who killed your friend… Never mind, I’ll deal with this. LOGICO: HE WAS MORE THAN A FRIEND.

Chalk gasps like a choking pigeon. He leans in.

CHALK: [whispering] F-for sales, it’s better if he’s just a friend - the last time I tried to publish a gay book I got-

Logico shuts his mouth.

The end!

Ink's theme :3 I love her so much. She's such a pure, genuine person.

Fletch helped a lot with the intro to this episode, so credit to her too <3

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[altschmerzes]

THE 13 BOOKS I READ IN 2023 IN ORDER FROM BEST TO WORST + THE PROTAGONIST'S SUPERLATIVE. PART 2.

6. A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engel. a timeless classic that i love love love. meg is such a fun protagonist and i really enjoyed experiencing this as an adult again. the whole like… helpless devastated rage she feels when she realizes that adults can't just. fix everything? that sequence will always rattle me around like a mason jar fulla beans. she's such a like… man. the way the narrative was like. this isn't fair. it isn't right. it's happening anyway. i'm so sorry, but it's happening anyway. that really got me.

Protagonist: Meg Murry. Most Likely To Have A Profound And Life Altering Impact On Adolescent Weird Girls Who Read Her Book.

7. Whiskeyjack by Victoria Goddard. third book in the series, slightly less fun than the others but only very slightly. i cannot emphasize enough how difficult it was to rank like, 2-8. had some VERY fun stuff with like…. things you learn that then go back and recontextualize everything else. ended on a scene that made me fucking sob which is always a plus in my book. themes of FAMILY and LOYALTY and SACRIFICE. my fucking beloved. yes please. the pov character continues to have a horrible little time. also love that.

Protagonist: (again, series has dual protagonists, so switching back) Peregrine Dart. Most Likely To Be The Unwitting Conduit Of The Deus Ex Machina. Deus Ex Dart.

8. One By One by Ruth Ware. just a really good classic mystery thriller. i love a mystery thriller, and ruth ware seems to always hit for me. managed to pull off a pov switch between two pov characters one of whom had a massive, MASSIVE secret without it seeming completely nonsensical once revealed or relying on the pov character talking in deliberately obtuse or evasive ways that would be really tiresome and insulting if carried through. there was a set of tech bro startup characters that were obnoxious and infuriating in exactly the way that those people are in real life, so points for that for SURE even though i did wanna throttle them.

Protagonist: Erin (Lastname). Most Deserving Of A Tropical Vacation.

9. The Ritual by Adam Nevill. this is the most brutal book i have read in recent memory. possibly at all. this guy gets put all the way through the wringer physically and emotionally and it is visceral in the way it is described. the protagonist was a profoundly unpleasant person a lot of the time but this was deliberate and really engaging, honestly. there were some moments of stark self-reflection from him about the ways in which he did not like who he was and the things he did, and when he recognized how like. unfair and cruel he was being to the others in his head. wasn't as good as the movie, imo, but the changes that they made between the book and film made total sense given the sheer level of interiority in the book. and boy howdy how much interiority. whoof.

Protagonist: Luke. Most Surprising Survival.

10. I Am Not Who You Think I Am by Eric Rickstad. i think the most damning thing that can be said about this book is that i literally can't remember almost anything about it. it was compelling in some ways and there were a few very specific moments that i was really gripped by but most of it was like. a really flat letdown. it was interesting enough as a mystery that i finished it but i don't even really remember why, now.

Protagonist: Wayland Maynard. Most Forgettable Guy.

11. The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken. just. ugh. dystopia ya in a bad way. too complicated and not well established. dumbass colour coding system. it could've been so fun, i love traumatized teenagers with powers and an evil government in all sincerity but this just did not do anything good with it. it looked like it COULD have but it DIDN'T. the love interest character was a DICK. there was some weird gender takes that popped out of nowhere. jump-scared by gender. did enjoy watching the movie though because it was fucking insane and gave me a scene where the protagonist and the love interest shared a passionate embrace over what fully appeared to be the dead body of the love interest's theoretical best friend. amazing. no notes.

Protagonist: Ruby Daly. Most Likely To One Day Decide She's Tired Of Being Nice And She Does Want To Go Apeshit Actually.

12. Reputation by Sarah Vaughan. [VIDEODROME PRESCREEN AUDIENCE REVIEW WHERE THEY JSUT WROTE 'SUCKED' AND GOT SO UPSET ABOUT HOW BAD IT WAS THEY MARKED THE WRONG GENDER] this book was BAD. the writing was bad. the characters were bad and not on purpose. the politics of the book were uh. whoof. what if white girlboss feminism was a novel. points for some of the hardest i've laughed tho at Nice Dick Mike the journalist that the protagonist cannot respect after she sleeps with him and Lady Cop With Bangs, the traitor to womanhood.

Protagonist: Emma Webster. Most Likely To Submit An Extremely Long Post To Reddit Dot Com Slash Am I The Asshole That Leaves Out A Lot Of Like, Extremely Critical Information That When Uncovered All Makes Her Look Really Fucking Bad While She Seems To Still Think It Was Entirely Irrelevant And Honestly Unfair To Even Consider. Gd Forbid Women Do Anything.

UNCATEGORIZED: 21st Century Jocks: Sporting Men And Contemporary Heterosexuality by Eric Anderson. there was simply no way to rank this among the others, it was too completely different. they were all very different books but this was just. entirely different. had a wonderful time with it though!! gave me a lot to think about as someone who thinks a lot

thank you for joining me on this journey. i loved reading books again this year and would wholeheartedly recommend anything ranked 1-9 on this list, provided you like the genre/vibe.

[merpisi]

my opinion that nobody asked for, tldr at end:

the bit was absolutely fuckin hilarious. for like the first 30 minutes. then the major wtf dude like this is funny and all but i was told that it was gonna be hlvrai2. and like. wtf dude. kinda like dick move there but its whatever.

another thing, i saw a bunch of fictives and shit in chat pre-stream and i was like “WOOOOO YAY !!!! HYPE !!MY FELLOW BENRYS!!!!” and gir (at least i think it was gir i dont remember shit man) made a joke saying like “delaying stream cause i saw the word fictive.” and i was kinda like what the FUCK dude????? like obv a joke and shit but what the fuck????? sorry for existing idfk????? i did not get so damn traumatized for that shit man.

dont be a dick to gir btw. (im pretty damn sure it was him but i didnt get a screenshot) honestly hosty boy was more upset about it than me lol. and i don’t expect people to understand fictives. and having some rando being all like “ya no i AM this character you created actually” sounds pretty fuckin weird!!!! but like that in combination with the bate and switch was like, “holy shit they do not give too shits about us” kinda feels yk? prtty irrational and entitled feels ik, but that what feeling are dipshit it came free with your fuckin consciousness bro

tldr; bbvrai was a great joke with bad execution, not mad bout dat rlly. but also gir was accidentally ableist (emphasis on accidentally, dont be a dick)

VERY IMPORTANT EDIT THE MOST IMPORTANT EDIT EVER: it was baaulp not gir i fucked up reblog this version PLEASE

[akunari]

˜”*°• Signs I am an Angel Dust kin •°*”˜

I'm writing down the similarities with my kins. This post is about my Angel Dust identity, so I advise you to read the wiki to understand better.

It can be different for anyone. It doesn't mean you are less or more Angel Dust than I am, okay? I made this to help people who are kinsidering but also to help me. Because you'll see, I have some behaviors or thoughts that are very toxic that I want to get rid of.

I made a list to be less triggering as possible. If you know Hazbin Hotel, you can already know what kind of things you can find on my list.

Anyway, good reading~

(Sorry for the mistakes, English isn't my native language~)

basic things to start with

green eyes, name starting with 'a', european, the date of birth is the 1st of the month…

ITALIAN FOOD!!!

huge fan of pastas (lasagna, ravioli, carbonara…)

prefer fruits over candies

i like cooking

i like to suck...

POPSICLES!

gay femboy~

actually, achillean, but it's still gay

feminine curves (I'm transmasc, I'm a damn curvy man~)

long nails, ALWAYS

fishnets and high boots~

prefer shorts over skirts

feminine body language and mannerisms I just slay~

animal lover!!!

pet owner of two baby kitties~ i would give my life for them

cats, pigs, and cows as pets ♡

i hate moths, too scary

my personality is rather...particular?

arrogant when i dislike you, a tease when i like you

sassy and sarcastic

confident on the outside...

but insecure on the inside.

a sister who is like a bestie~

let's talk about traumas now!

family trauma!

overly sexualized since my childhood, yeah

but i like looking sexy tho

i hate my dad

alcoholic dad and alcoholic family

but my mom's side is neat, so it's fine

if my mom wasn't a sweetie, i would have become like my dad-

my dad makes drugs~

he learned me how to do so

but nope, i won't do that

SA traumas~

love/hate relationship with abuser

it was my step dad, he was a father to me

he is out of my life now, tho

unfortunately, when you have a feminine body, sexual harassment never stops-

PTSD, depression, anxiety because why not

convince people only want to abuse me if they come talking to me trauma related

want a solid relationship built on respect, with someone who values me and wants to be with me…

but don't believe it's possible

because i'm just an object for men, right?

also, a good culture in sex subject without really knowing why

even if i'm aroace, i enjoy the idea of bdsm for some reasons

when i dream, if i encounter an abuser, i give them my body almost immediately

i prefer choosing to give it to them rather than being forced to

toxic, but i know i would do the same irl

i don't watch porn

~~inferiority and superiority complex~~

don't like being seen as vulnerable so…

masking at all cost!!!

"i'm doing just fine, darling." nope

i can handle myself.

but can someone help me..?

self desctuctive

negative self-talk and neglective of myself mostly

i get addicted too easily

to people AND things...

subscribed to toxic people, in friendship mostly

have a few friends i would give my life for

so protective, loyal and caring for them

i prefer being hurt than seeing them hurt

fear of abandonment

often feel like i don't worth people affection

i'm too messy

but i want to be better

overall, a loser baby traumatized boy

That's all I was thinking about! I'm not very proud of being this way, but I can't deny it. I didn't want to have Angel as a kin for a lot of those reasons and also because since I kinfirmed him, flashbacks and memories (from both my current life and kin life) are more recurrent.

I will do the same with my other kins but I wanted to start with my highest kin.

[444m777]

29 things I love about Michael: Day 14

This one might be a little weird to say but I was 11 years old when I found out Michael struggled with severe acne. Eleven being the age where it exploded and it became severe and I struggled with being teased and having all kinds of adults/family giving their unsolicited advice on what to do. It was a time where my mom told me she cried whenever she thought back to when I like 7 before my acne took over my face. My grandmother cried with tears running down her face. I went to visit her in Sint Martin as a surprise and she saw me and saw my face and wept! She said in tears how am I supposed to find a man with my face looking the way it did. YIKES! I was a child… very fucked up but yeah… it made me dislike mirrors/seeing my reflection BUT it was when Michael revealed he too had severe acne and the very wrong and unwarranted things people said to him made me feel like he was talking TO me.

Two things were going through my mind. Actually three things. First I was watching Living with Michael Jackson and I watched it secretly because my mom banned me from watching or speaking about Michael because she felt I was too obsessed blah blah… so I had to be on the look out (luckily the car they had at the time made a loud pitch so I could hear them coming). I kept running back and forth to the tv screen and the porch to make sure they weren’t outside. Second, THE Michael Jackson had acne!? But he’s perfect!? Is this some kind of joke? But I believed him immediately. My kid brain was just shocked! Not that he had acne but the fact that he got treated so badly for something he couldn’t help. Like, when he recounted someone asking for him and then they saw him and went “ewwww, what happened?”. I was almost in tears. Tears of sadness because I could relate to the hurt he felt because I was living it. I basically was like even Michael went through such a traumatic experience. I’m older now so idk how the public reaction to acne is nowadays. It’s certainly not blown out of proportion the way it was in my days and I’m sure also in his days. People can be terribly mean spirited and growing up with severe acne it was like I was given a death sentence. I was no longer a person. I was just a walking talking cluster of pustules.

“You were so cute when you were younger”. Uhm… I’m 11 I’m still young and still very much cute! But I never had the heart to say how I felt. I just kept it all in but boy did I cry myself to sleep because of it. But that night is what lead me to the third thing… I felt seen. And not just by someone who also had acne but I felt seen by THE Michael Jackson. There was a switch that night especially after that whole moment. I could say with honesty that that part of the documentary (even though Martin B. was a rat and an opportunist) it changed something in my brain. I no longer felt sorry for myself. Like I didn’t feel cursed. I was the only one in my family that had severe acne. My big sister had her acne moment and it hit her like a brick but it hit me like a WRECKING BALL! So it just made everyone focus on the fact that I looked “unclean”. Ugh the information regarding acne and the things people would say… my god! I know with the increase in interest for skincare, it’s changed but the damage had already been done. But Michael was a little salve of hope that maybe this is something I can “get over” and that it’s also not the end of the world. He didn’t stop. He didn’t crumble. It was tough and hurtful, but he knew he was more than just his skin condition. He got through it. And I held on to that for years. I still think about it often.

The power of media/media representation is so interesting and important that it has become a buzzword and is still gravely overlooked. To be a Black kid with acne being told you won’t find a man (at an age where you shouldn’t be worrying or thinking about being an eligible partner to somebody), being told that you were once beautiful and that that time has passed because you clearly aren’t beautiful anymore, receiving all kinds of “medical” advice that amounted to nothing, to watch your own mother be frustrated that you did everything in your power NOT to let it bother you because in her eyes it meant you did not care for your skin and situation… I just didn’t want to make it a big deal. I was a child but I understood very quickly that it was puberty/hormones. But my mom and everyone else turned it into a curse. My life was over at the age of 11. And Michael came in like “yeah it sucks but you’re going to be okay baby girl”. That was all I needed. He didn’t say it like that but that’s how I took it. I was forever changed. I stopped worrying so much about what everyone was saying. It hurt but the sting didn’t linger. I remember telling my mom about finding out Michael had severe acne too and she dismissed it🙃 My relationship with her now is MUCH better by the way. But back then… YIKES! 🥴

Anyways, I love that Michael gave me strength in such a terribly edited and purposely damning documentary. The pictures I’ve looked up years later of him with acne made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It’s so easy to feel isolated. To feel like you’re the ONLY ONE going through something shitty. I sometimes see those same pictures edited with a blur. And I get it, he would’ve scrubbed the world of those pictures if he could but I really like them. It shows and reminds me that we’re all human. I don’t see his scars/acne. I saw a lovely kid full of life. That is what I wanted people to see in me and not constantly point out my acne. I could go on and on but you get the point. We’re all going through some version of the same things but we’re more than our physical bodies and their conditions. Michael made me feel less ugly and more like myself at that age. So, thank you Michael for literally making me feel like I’m not gross at the age of 11 and that I wasn’t the only one who had acne the way I had it.

It’s Michael’s birthday month and so I’m sharing every day something I love about him. Feel free to join in or use the tag #29thingsMJ I’d love to read what you love about him

[nowritingonthewall]

What do you think about the way Poe literally jolts up as soon as Finn holds him after the explosion in TLJ?

Could it be some sort of trauma related to what he endured while being captured?

Baby boy has pure and utter panic in his eyes before he sees it's just Finn, I honestly think that the aftermath of everything that's happened to him in TFA is not discussed enough.

Oh my goodness, a Poe ask, thank you so much, Nonnie 🥰

And omg there are so many thoughts that come up while watching this little scene!

To some extent his reaction can probably be explained by the fact that he is still right in the middle of an extremely dangerous situation. His adrenaline levels must be going through the roof at this point. So after what just happened, it may even appear to seem normal for his body to be in fight or flight modus at this very moment when he jolts at Finn.

However. By the time we get to the events occurring in TLJ, Poe has been in constant flight or fight modus for years. This poor and sweet and wonderful man experienced his first major traumatizing event when he was only eight years old and had to witness the death of his Mom. And his teenage years weren’t exactly smooth sailing, either, the few months that span the events in “Free Fall” alone were just one life-threatening situation after another and he was never really presented with any opportunity to recover from any of those. So when he is brought onto the Finalizer in TFA, he is most likely already suffering from severe C-PTSD.

And then, of course, there is his interrogation, which would have been enough to break any man, even one without a history of trauma. And Poe just keeps on going as if nothing happened after that. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that TLJ takes place only a few days after the events in TFA, but, uhm… to come back to your question, yes, I absolutely think that his reaction is a trauma response!

And I couldn’t agree more, it isn’t discussed enough, that’s why we need a whole Poe Dameron tv show (with 10 seasons minimum, please)!!!

But even though it isn’t discussed enough, imho the aftermath is plain to see in Oscar’s acting. Just in case you haven’t come across it yet, may I recommend this excellent post by @userpoe laying out several symptoms of PTSD that Poe shows in all the movies. I’d even go as far as saying that most of his actions that seemed to be out of character or earned him hate by the “fans” can be traced back to Poe being a deeply traumatized man. Like, e.g. his very short temper with Threepio. We know that’s not how Poe usually acts towards droids. Apart from his incredibly sweet way of interacting with BB-8 (and his love interest in “Resistance”) we literally see him behaving very different towards Threepio himself in the Poe comics. And, of course, there is that very character-revealing moment on Kijimi in TROS, and the pain you can see in Poe’s eyes when Threepio is taking “one last look at my friends”. This movie has so many moments that were most likely added for a cheap laugh by the writers but that fit so smoothly into Poe’s history with PTSD, whether it’s his annoyance with Threepio or his display of trust issues when he wonders whether Rey’s been using her jedi powers on Finn and him.

I am sorry, I have digressed way beyond your original question.

But, may I just add, apart from Poe showing clear signs of trauma, it’s also a little heartbreaking to watch how he doesn’t even take a moment to think of himself when Finn asks him whether he is all right? Apart from the wounds to his heart and soul, his body must hurt like hell after being subjected to that explosion (and I bet he didn’t even take as much as a little casual trip to the med bay) and he doesn’t even stop to give Finn a short “I am okay.” He immediately jumps to thinking about what needs to be done to save everybody else. (And of course, then there’s that wonderful moment when we see Leia mirroring his thought process which will never stop making me emotional.)

[alpaca-clouds]

For those of us who've not touched bg3 but are a fan of sexy vampires...Could you give a quick rundown on Astarion? Or is his lore too extensive?

Sure enough.

I will put this under a cut, though, for those who do not want to be spoiled. (Now I? I totally spoiled myself for the part of the plot I have not reached because with work my plaing has gotten slow.)

So, Astarion is one of your main companions in the game. The very, very short of the game set up (in terms non-DnD-players can understand): You got kidnapped by tentacle monsters who put a tadpole into your brain that is gonna turn you into a tentacle monster as well. Through circumstances you escape the tentacle monsters though before you can be turned and now try to get the tadpole out of your brain before you can grow said tentacles.

Now, your main companions all have the same issue. So does Astarion. You meet him soon after escaping the tentacle monsters. He appears to be an elf, some of your companions note he is a bit pale, but at least my very stupid bard was like: "He looks perfectly fine to me."

But of course you are gonna find him nibbling on your neck sooner or later. And from there on you find out a bit about him.

Now, this sad, sad vampire has been stabbed 200 years ago on the streets of Baldur's Gate, upon which he was found by a vampire. Cazador. Cazador was like: "You can die or you can allow me to turn you into a vampire." And Astarion wanted to live. So he allowed himself to be turned.

But Cazador only turned him into a vampire spawn. (Explanation: In DnD it is a weird mix. Vampires can turn you by just biting you, but until you drink their blood you are only vampire spawn, giving your vampire sire a lot of control over you.)

Cazador is the most horrible, shittiest asshole to ever have walked under this sky. He proceeded to take this poor vampire man who was now under his control and tortured him, raped him, prostituted him, abused him, and at times even used mind control to make Astarion torture himself. According to Astarion Cazador liked his screams so much.

Boy, I am looking forward to killing Cazador. (Or rather letting Astarion do the deed.)

Now, Astarion's character quest mostly involves the fact that Cazador carved something into his back. You will find out, that it is basically a spell that is meant to sacrifice Astarion and his vampire spawn siblings in a ritual so that Cazador can through that gain powers no other vampire has ever had before.

And boy, Astarion is so sad and traumatized and I just wanna hug him and tell him everything is gonna be alright, okay?

The game really managed to gut punch me, before I got spoiled.

See, if you do the romances, it is very dependend on the character how quick you get to a sexy time scene. In the case of Astarion the romance quest starts with him offering you sex. So me, horny as I am, was like: "Yay, let's fuck the sexy vampire." Only to then later learn of his tragic backstory and figure out that the reason he offers you sex that early is, that he never had anyone look out for him before and had thought it was conditional on him offering sex. And I was like: "Oh. Oh baby. Oh baby. I am sorry. Q-Q"

But he is really well written.

Not to spoil too much here, but for the first two acts he is like a very abrasive asshole. Because he is in full survival mode and he does not understand what is going on and all that. And all he ever knew was cruelty and violence. So he thinks that it is the only way to act. But if you are playing a good, heroic character he is slowly gonna come around to you. And he slowly is gonna start to believe that indeed you are being good because you are good and not because you have some greater goal. And then in Act 3 the sweetest thing happens, when you are nice and he suddenly... is also acting nice. It is just so sweet.

But yeah, I wanna hug him and hold him and kiss him and make everything alright. And I will probably spend a good while writing healing fics for him.

[theboarsbride]

Also!

Which character has changed the most since your first draft of them, and how?

(God sorry for sending so many questions)

(OMG NO WORRIES I LOVE THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS PLS KEEP SENDING THEM-)

But OH MY GOD!!!!! E D G A R. Edgar from The Monster and the Butterfly is the character that I feel has changed the most since the very VERY first draft of this story. Both in design and character! He and Sophie are some of my oldest OCs, with their story existing in some way shape or form for about 10 years when I first started writing in middle school!

Be prepared for a long post because omg I love rambling about the evolution of characters and stories, I hope you don't mind!!

Also I got excited about this ask so I included a rough visual of Edgar's previous designs:

Starting in 2014 he (or rather she) was Ophelia, a witch that cursed herself with a rogue spell, and her 'beauty' counterpart was a boy named Samael that was sacrificed to her by a witch cult lol. It was very cringe, very much 2010s Wattpad content (i mean...the story literally started with Samael waking up to his alarm and mom waking him up for school)... and I distinctly remember calling this story "Beautiful Beast" because I thought I was being very original with a female beast x male beauty story lmfao (i was not)

Then around that same time I discovered The Phantom of the Opera...meaning that Edgar was going to become a poorly done carbon copy of the Phantom lol. He was like this for about a year, and across the board he was a dragon shifter for some reason? I cannot remember why lol...and also I remember in these versions of the story he had a brother named Lazarus who's FC was Robby Benson, and his 'beauty' in this version was named Kristine and she had a son (???????). Again, very 2010s Wattpad cringe, very much plagiarized Phantom X Christine fanfic (i'm very sorry)

It was around 2016 when I discovered the movie Panna a Netvor/Beauty and the Beast (1979), a very gaudy, atmospheric Gothic horror retelling of the fairytale from then Czechoslovakia. I was OBSESSED With it (and still am!) so I wanted to create a bird-like beast like in the movie. At the same time I was also obsessed with stuff like Black Butler and Penny Dreadful so I was inspired to change this story set in Victorian Era London. But this version of Edgar was VERY horrible and very much made it a tragic horror story rather than Gothic romance. He was the one behind the Jack the Ripper murders, drinking the blood of woman to satiate himself, and had very poorly-written schizophrenia as he was 'haunted' by his dead mom. I did away with this idea around the time of the pandemic because I found the idea insensitive and overly-edgy. But nonetheless this was where TMATB as we know it came to be: Gothic romantic setting in late Victorian era London with a bird-themed beast and a main female character who was into gardening in some capacity.

Then story started becoming more romantic, Edgar went through another design change to now be a fleshy vulture-thing, and was now becoming a sympathetic, gentle beast who loved reading and ornithology. Still I wasn't satisfied in terms of his design tho.

So then around 2020, after wanting inspiration to create a more humanoid-looking beast (and getting such inspiration from Brad Dourif as Grima Wormtongue in the LOTR films and Danny DeVito as The Penguin in Tim Burton's Batman Returns), Edgar's design became this:

While remaining a romantic hero, his role has become the more feminine one in the romance: he is the one needing saving, he is the one often in distress, he reads romances often intended for women, he's a very passive romantic role, etc. Also, his character is now heavily inspired by historical figures like Joseph Merrick (a.k.a. The Elephant Man) and Quasimodo from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame, so now he's a gentle, well-read, kind-hearted, traumatized emotional basket case we all love today!

I hope this is a satisfactory answer omg so sorry for the long ramble of a post!!

[stuffedsand]

Wahey milgram oc time my silly guya

013 - Shiratori Masaki

My boy

- 20

- prisoner number 013 (I slapped them into base milgram cuz I don't wanna make a whole new cast)

- to quote my own character notes: cringefail specimen of a man.

-- fun name thing! His first name means "true, hope" hehe

UNDERCOVER

"Under, oh so aware of all that you say

This makes me sick, so please, go away"

Votes (fabricated lmao)

T1 - INNOCENT

T2 - GUILTY

Songs of Prisoners

+T1 – what…what are you talking about?

+T2 – no…you-you’re lying!

Voice trailer (t1)

Oh uh… Shiratori Masaki, that's my name. 20, uni student. Uhh what else … oh, sorry if I forget anything, i, ah, my memory has never been any good

If I'm being honest…I don't know what the hell you're talking about! No one around me has died recently. At least…not as far as I can recall…

*Takai? Takai! Wake up! This isn't funny..!*

Voice trailer (t2)

Hi, Es-kun, how have you been? Ah, Shiratori Masaki. You didn't forget our deal, right?

*Shut up! I don't want to listen to you and your stupid problems anymore!*

Personality

-- a timid yet stubborn man. It is very difficult to change his opinions on things. Polite, but very quick to turn defensive if blame is turned on him.

He can be a prick at times.

Extra notes

-- a man with really bad memory loss. During T1 interro, he makes a deal that he'll take MILGRAM seriously if Es can tell him who his victim is. And he has to believe it

-- not mentioned but his memory loss is a trauma response. Dead bodies are traumatic I don't think that's a contraversial take

-- the indirect murderer of the pair

Full body:

Please note -- his ugly fucking shoes were not an accident he has a horrible fashion sense

014 - Akabane Kazuko

The She

-23

-prisoner number 014

-based off one of my multifandom ocs (and my favourite of the 2)

--fun name thing! Her name means "gentle/kind/harmonious child". 子 is also(apparantly) male specific. I have fun reasons for that

UNDERCOVER

(pardon the artstyle change this was done on my tablet instead of my computer and was. Rushed💀)

Under, I don't care if I'm in the right or wrong

Songs of prisoners

Full of malice, we will waltz to our doom

Votes (edit)

T1 - guilty

T2 - (?)

+t1 – let's get on with it, shall we?

+T2 – ...you're not very good at this.

T1 – voice trailer

Hello. I am Akabane Kazuko. 24. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Warden.

I am interested in how all this will play out. But nothing will really change the impact of our actions. Remember that, Warden

* My final act… will take your breath away! *

T2 – voice trailer

Good day, Warden. Kazuko, you remember, yes? Seems your choices have caused quite the ruckus.

* You…You know what you've done! I'll make you pay for it!*

Personality

-- a calm and gentle woman. A showman at heart, she is elegant and loves performing magic tricks.

-- some are unsettled by her, but she does her best to be kind and friendly to those she speaks to

Extra notes:

-- Magician coded :)

-- because I can fabricate fan theories, es assumed they killed 2 people in trial one. They have only killed one.

-- the direct murderer of the pair

Full body: (outdated a lil, I changed her vibe. Design still stands)

Please note -- bowling alley socks

Interro qns (please give me some interro questions tho I'm very bad at thinking any up)

Also note: interros are formatted as

--

Question

Kazuko

Masaki

--

Cuz I wrote this when I labelled Kazuko as 001 and Masaki as 002. I'm changing it to reflect their new numbers but editing on Tumblr mobile sucks so I'm not changing the order </3

Q)Tell us your family structure

014 — mother, self, brother,

...it's just me now

013 — parents, me and my twin, Shiratori Takai.

Q)Is there people you hate?

014 — hypocrites.

Don't become one, warden

013 — people who always depend on you

Q)Which prisoner is the most similar to you?

014 – yuzuriha kotoko.

013 – hm...

Probably kayano. He looks like he doesn't know why he's here, too

Q)What was your murder weapon?

014 — what a bold question

It was a bottle.

013 — haha, I'll humour you for this one

Hmmmm...... My words, maybe? I've been told i have quite a sharp tongue

Q)What was your family like?

014 — kind, resilient. They were wonderful. I

loved them

013 — they're ok.

Which prisoner do you get along with the least?

014 — mr mukuhara. Nothing against him, he just reminds me of someone.

013 — …Kusunoki. No reason, but I do wish she'd stop trying to talk to me. It's annoying.

Q)How has your experience been within MILGRAM ?

014 — quite good, considering we're all in here for murder.

013 — uh… good? I still don't believe you saying we're all murderers.

Q)Do you have regrets?

014 — yes. I should have done something sooner

013 — no? I did argue with my brother recently, but it was nothing, really. I'll apologize and everything will be fine

Q)Is there a verdict you hope for?

014) all I hope for is your honest judgement. I want to see how you choose to judge

013) Well, since I don't think I've done anything… I'd hope to be forgiven, of course.

Who was your victim to you?

014) nothing.

013) eh? Warden, I don't know. We made a deal remember? You tell me!

What is your father like?

014) i dont consider him my father.

013) uh…he’s my dad. What more do you want me to say, really...

What do you think of the prisoner paired with you?

014) Shiratori? Not much opinion. I do wonder what he's done to be here, though.

013) Ms Kazuko..? Shes intimidating, if I'm being honest. Not scary, just...intimidating

[bisolationist]

Ooookay I finally found out why I've gotten like 50 fucking messages telling me to kms since new years, and

A) Hey please don't send messages to people on my behalf, especially to wedge it into a completely unrelated argument, and double especially not to support some guy saying "misandry" is just as bad as misogyny. I think it should be pretty clear from my years around here that I do not believe or support that. If there's anything that makes me fucking angry it's my experiences with a female rapist being used as a gotcha against feminists. I'm not a fucking MRA or anti-feminist puppet and my experiences are not yours to use for your weird agendas. Also all sending weird messages about me does is encourage more deranged people to come out of the woodwork and harass me. I don't care if people talk shit about me that's their problem. At most maybe you can let ME know and see if I wanna say anything, but honestly even that gets tiresome because there's blooms where I'm apparently radblr's #1 Worst Man That Ever Lived for things I didn't even say.

B) That said, I have absolutely no idea why that person talking shit about me suddenly made it about pregnancy. *I* was the one from my very first reply to say that it's important to acknowledge physiological differences between men and women, and that things like pregnancy are HUGE factors in how traumatic an assault can be. So IDK why people are putting in words in my mouth about supposedly saying the opposite of what I've actually said? The discussion was about how OP was categorizing rape in a binary of "truly horrific, degrading, and traumatic" vs "bad but not Bad Bad, certainly NOT horrific and it's fucked up that people think it's horrific" and people jumped on to agree and add things like "rape is something that doesn't ruin a boy's life" or "I think most like it actually we need to acknowledge this <3" and increasingly vile shit like that. That goes way beyond acknowledging physiology and misogyny and steps directly into mocking rape victims and minimizing the impact of sexual assault. If me saying "actually all rape is horrific, degrading, and traumatic" and this makes you fucking livid, that's more about why YOU think raping certain people is "not that bad".

C) Super cool how people in comments in her shit are making excuses about how I'm a "Brain dead moid" and all the shit radfems have been saying to me isn't real harassment or is justified lol. I want any of these people talking shit about me to explain to me off anon why comments like this or this are so based. And that's not even the worst of it by far, there's people openly saying I'm probably the rapist, that they wish my rapist had killed me, that I'm an antifeminist for speaking about my experiences at all, and all sorts of shit. There were weeks where I had to mass delete my inbox every morning because it's just full of people telling me how I'm morally repugnant for not agreeing my rape was No Big Deal (TM). Also, all of this is frankly humiliating. You think I want to talk or think about this all the fucking time? That I want my friends on here to start thinking about me as that guy that was raped? I absolutely hate this more than I can possibly explain for that reason a lone. I also know that I'm one of the few people in a position to speak up about this and I don't think I have to let it slide as no big deal either, but it SUCKS for me.

D) On the whole I agree on a lot of radical feminist's view and am eager to stand up for them and women in general in the capacity that I can, but I'm not a fucking radfem puppet either, sorry. I don't have to pretend it isn't obvious most of the harassment is coming from radfems, and that there isn't a completely deranged rf faction that are ardent rape apologists (both against boys/men but also against girls/women - I spend 85% of my time in GC spaces speaking out against people calling bi women pornographic language when discussing them!). I don't think they're rape apologists *because* they're radfems, but rather rape apologism is something ingrained into just about every culture and people often twist ideologies to make their biases sound moral and upright. Every single ideology has this problem. Still doesn't excuse the fact that the rape apologists within radblr are coddled and defended even by people that claim not to agree with them because people view this as a sports match or something.

[bitchwhoyoukiddin]

So, Princess Weekes posted a platform-exclusive video all about Endeavor form My Hero Academia. (ISTG, I cannot avoid Enji, and that's fine because he's lived, rent-free, in my brain for the last year.)

I can't link it and you need a Nebula membership to watch it, but if you can and do, I recommend both a membership and tracking the video down. I agree with a whole lot of what she says, especially the central thesis of the video, which is that Endeavor owning his behavior, realizing how shitty it was, and working to change while expecting nothing from his family in return is the actual point. And IDK, it was just really cool to see someone with a platform point that out.

I don't agree with everything she said. I think she missed a lot of the nuance that I like to wallow in. Specifically in that a whole lot of people don't take into account the continued work-related PTSD that Enji took on. He was the #2 hero in Japan for 20 years. That included multiple natural disasters, giant fights, and a ton of rescue and salvage work. As much as we like to pretend that work is work, and home is home, that's just not true. Add in him watching his father's death during a rescue, and Touya's childhood ambition and willingness to hurt himself to be better (I do not blame child!Touya, he was a child), and you get a traumatized, poorly emotionally regulated man in a paternalistic society that deems him incredibly high status. AND, it was heavily indicated that Enji's childhood and very early years were during a time where AFO was heavily in power and there was a ton of chaos both in society and in public/the hero world.

I say this as a child of someone in an incredibly high-stress job, who had lingering CPTSD from military service, but Endeavor's emotional dis-regulation and emotional apathy? WOOF. We'll just say that MHA did an incredibly good job of showing someone who's in a late-career situation without a whole lot of mental health support. And that matters. Because while it doesn't excuse Enji emotionally abusing his children and physically abusing his wife, it does a whole lot of heavy lifting for me in explaining it. Add in that I'm PRETTY SURE no one ever sat Enji down and explained emotional intelligence because he was a Japanese BOY and first son. Like, there's a whole lot there culturally both in Japan AND for men growing up post WW2 in the West.

I also very much disagree with her conclusion re: Touya. But I'll own that I think Touya deserved the fate he got. 100%. Because as much as I can and do sympathize with an abused child lashing out, I'm sorry but he is a grown ass man who made those choices. If we're going to hold people (especially Endeavor) accountable for his own actions? For what he did? We have to do the same for Touya. Period. Enji stood up and took accountability and atonement for what he did. Was Enji an abused child? Likely not, but we don't know. He went through a severe trauma. And continued to do so, as a working first-responder for over twenty years. Touya also deserves to take responsibility for the lives he chose to end. For the damage he chose to inflict. In the same way I get heated about how fans and the Todoroki kids blame Enji for how Rei burned Souto's face? When she herself takes ownership of it from the minute go? Touya deserves to take ownership and agency for the damage he did. Both to himself and others.

What Enji eventually owns what he did to his family. There are explanations, not excuses. Touya 100% deserves to take ownership for his choices and the damage he did. Enji's abuse was an explanation, not an excuse.

(Also, I hope AFO is getting some kind of karma somewhere. Absolutely fuck that guy.)

And that's one area that I very much disagree with in Weekes' video. But then, I think that's a pretty big unpopular opinion in the MHA fandom in the first place.

That said, I am super cheerful Weekes made a video! It was incredibly funny to see it pop up in my feed when I was all "I am mad at how people get Endeavor wrong, HATE HIM FOR THE RIGHT REASONS, DAMMIT!" the night it popped up and I had to wait because I couldn't take another hot take. *cackles*

I'll also say that I very much agree with her that everyone's got the right to feel however they do about Enji. I did cackle when she kind of referenced the "Endeavor is not your dad, stop projecting" post though. That made me cackle outloud and deeply suspect Weekes is hanging out on Tumblr somewhere. (Hi, if you see it!)

[dollgutted]

so my tumblr front page has a lot of ghostface stuff for obvious reasons, he's obviously a big fave of mine and i follow a lot of ghostie lovin' accounts, as well as following the ghostface tag. typical stuff. but i. every time i see live action ghostface i cannot fucking help but think of that poor fucking scare actor who was dressed as ghostface at the haunt i went to last year.

important details: i am a 4'9 man and despite being a horror lover and connoisseur, i do not handle irl horror very well. that is to say, i'm chicken shit. i'm a fucking baby. i cry and hide behind my friends at haunts. i love going! don't get me wrong! i love going so much because i love being scared but also my fear reaction isn't to fight, flee, or freeze, it's to fawn n cry, baby, that's how i do it. but it's always like "wow that was fun!" after the haunt, yanno? it's scary but it's not real so it's not traumatizing or anything, it's just like, "haha man i am weak let's go again next year", whatever yanno. those details out of the way, if you know ANYTHING about haunts, you know seasoned scare actors are usually pretty good at telling who the scaredy cat is, and a lot of times, that's the easy target. some will go for the one they can tell is already fuckin tweaking lmao. and boy, is it not hard to tell with me.

so let me set the scene: it's 11PM, dark as shit, i'm dressed like a fucken slut bc i always gotta dress up for haunts, if i'm gonna cry i wanna look hot doin' it yanno. got my bunny hat on, for emotional support (doesn't everyone have a hat w/ bunny ears for emotional support?). i'm clinging to my friends shirt while they're dragging me through this corn maze. i hear something crunch behind us and instinctively cling tighter. i know something is about to happen and i'm NOT going to like whatever it is. i'm anticipating a loud noise. a scream. someone to jump out.

LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD, who other than ghostface is suddenly fucking beside me. ME. this haunt isn't super strict about invasion of personal fucking space, it's not officially no touch but most of them won't really touch you. this guy, though, oh no. he says nothing, that'd be out of character of course, but i am staring. wide eyed. just looking up at him. my friends feel me pause. they turn back. THEY START LAUGHING. THEY ARE ANTICIPATING.

i am truly frozen, i am just looking at this man when he moves to press his (obviously fake) knife into my throat, tilting my chin up a little bit with it. i cannot fucking. i cannot function. i GIGGLE. i am a grown man and i giggle like a schoolgirl who's crush just picked up their dropped pencil for them. I GIGGLED. this man tenses, he did NOT expect that reaction. my friends are fucking cackling. this scare actor has been thrown for a loop. he once more says nothing, removes the knife, stares down at me for a solid thirty seconds, and then WALKS AWAY.

GHOSTFACE SCARE ACTOR IF YOURE OUT THERE I AM SO SORRY. I DID NOT MEAN TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE I SINCERELY DID NOT BUT I LOVE GHOSTFACE PLS UNDERSTAND YOU MADE A DREAM COME TRUE THAT NIGHT AND I STILL THINK ABOUT IT A YEAR LATER I WOULD APOLOGIZE IF I COULD BUT I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THAT HAUNT EVER AGAIN OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT.