#my beta has legal right to end me now

[explorevenus]

addicted ♡ re2r!leon kennedy x reader

nsfw (18+) - minors dni or i will call the cops

word count - 2.9k

description - by the end of the summer, you're bound for college and your boyfriend leon is bound for his shiny new police officer job in raccoon city. knowing your relationship could be threatened by the distance, your need for each other has become insatiable.

tags/warnings - porn with plot, soft dom leon, car sex, cunnilingus (f receiving), fingering, p in v, creampie, breeding kink, mildly angsty, no use of (Y/N)

a/n - this was a request by my beautiful goth puppy wife chaos baby @nexysworld <333 special thanks to @dollfacefantasy for beta reading and believing in me and also being my momager <3

recommended listening - addicted by saving abel

my masterlist ♡

my ao3 ♡

thanks so much for reading and i hope u enjoy ;w; <3

-venus ♡

Young adulthood felt so scary and new and weird.

You and Leon had been dating since high school and now you were fully legal adults, figuring out what to do with your lives and pretending you would both fit together seamlessly in each other’s plans. Just weeks ago he had graduated from the police academy and you had until the end of the summer to spend as much time together as possible before he would move into the city to become an officer, and you would be moving states away to attend college.

You told each other you would visit as often as possible, that you would call every day, that as soon as you finished school you would move back to Raccoon City to be with him, or he would find a hiring police station near you to settle into, and you would live happily ever after.

But there was a silent, knowing melancholy that hung over you all the while, and it intensified every day. Neither of you wanted to address it, for fear of spoiling what little time you had left, so it just hung there unspoken as you clung to each other for dear life.

Leon knocked quietly on your door, hoping not to wake your roommates. It was a crisp, clear summer evening and the forecast indicated a meteor shower would be visible, so as soon as he finished up at work, he took the top off of his Jeep, loaded the back with blankets and made his way to you.

His heart softened at the image of you wrapped in a blanket, ducking out of your apartment to follow him out to the car. It was nearing midnight and you were already in pajamas, but it felt right that way. Comfortable. 

Soon enough you were sipping slushies from the gas station, your sneakers kicked up on the dashboard and the wind rushing through your hair as Leon drove the two of you up the base of the Arklay Mountains. There was a little lookout tucked away less than five miles up, one you frequented together practically since you met. This lookout had seen numerous makeouts and unquantifiable hours of conversation, silly and stupid and serious and solemn.

The car slowed to a stop and Leon threw it in park, moving his seat back so he could get comfortable. His lips were stained pink with cherry slush as he looked over to you with a gentle smile.

“Pretty, huh?” He asked, watching as you stared up at the sky, awe-filled eyes searching every gap in the void for a shooting star. His warm, broad hand still rested on your thigh, thumb skimming over the soft fabric of your sweatpants in a gentle caress. 

Relaxing into his touch, you nodded, looking over at him now. Your own lips and tongue were tinted blue and what remained of your slushie was cold in the palm of your hand. It was funny, you thought, that you’d driven all the way out here to watch the meteor shower but still, you couldn’t help but watch each other. The breeze blew warm and the radio played lowly.

“You’re pretty,” You replied quietly, playing with his fingers. Even having been together for years, he still managed to make you shy.

Leon let out a soft laugh and shook his head, his other hand coming forward to tip your chin up. “You’re pretty too,” He began, and you were just beginning to blush when he added, “Pretty corny.”

You threw your head back and groaned dramatically, swatting at his chest. “You’re pretty annoying,” You griped, but before you could continue your playful rant, he guided you back toward him and pressed his lips against your own, and just like always, you melted almost instantaneously. 

At the start the kiss was quite tender, communicating a sense of longing and connection that you had only ever felt with him. His thumb traced your jaw while his grip tightened on your thigh in an affectionate little squeeze and you felt as though you could sit here with him forever, craning your neck over the center console of his Jeep just to kiss him beneath the stars, just to breathe him in, to be with him. Leon was your safe place and even the thought of being away from him sent you into withdrawals.

Your shaking hand came up to cradle the back of his neck, fingers curling into his golden hair as you took it upon yourself to deepen the kiss, wanting to get as much of him as you could. You wanted to horde him all to yourself, you wanted to sink into him and have him sink into you, to pause time and keep him there until you were sick of each other, though you knew no length of time together would ever feel like enough. Tongue swiping against his lower lip, you flattened your palm over the crotch of his jeans and massaged gently.

“F-Fuck, baby,” Leon grunted into your mouth, feeling all the blood rush to his cock in response to your touch and your languid kisses. “I’m gonna miss this…”

“Don’t,” You whispered, “I don’t wanna talk about it… Just wanna feel you…”

With a short nod of understanding he reconnected your lips, sliding his hand beneath the waistband of your sweatpants to dip a finger into your folds, delighted at the realization that you had gone without panties for the evening. He grinned into the kiss and slipped his tongue past you, the pads of his fingers quickly finding your clit with practiced ease.

Your lashes fluttered and your thighs shifted together, a quiet mewl of pleasure tumbling from you as you bucked up into his hand. With each passing second your heart was beating faster and you could feel the wetness collecting beneath his touch.

“Mm, my pretty baby,” He sighed out, the pad of his thumb flicking at your clit while his middle and index fingers petted at your hole. “Put your seat back. Let me taste you.”

There wasn’t a beat of hesitation as you reached down to recline your seat and push it back, and as you did so, Leon was making quick work of climbing over the center console to join you in the passenger seat. He gripped your thighs and pushed your legs up to rest on the dashboard as he yanked your sweatpants down in one swift motion, wasting no time smothering your plush inner thighs with kisses.

His pupils dilated by the scent of your cunt alone, and while he initially planned on taking his time with you, he just couldn’t help himself. Cramped down on the floor of his own passenger seat, Leon’s fingertips printed into your thighs as he dove forward to kiss and lap at your wetness, drinking you up with a deep, wanton need. 

You tensed at the feeling, glittery heat washing over you before you relaxed into his mouth and brought one hand down to tug at his hair, encouraging him further. Your hazy eyes blinked open to look straight up at the sky, the cool night air foreign on your most intimate parts, but not unwelcome. It was quiet out, serene, private, as though you and Leon were the last two people on Earth. A shooting star cast across the sky in a blur, and you quickly realized that your wish was for you and Leon to be the last two people on Earth. Maybe that would be nice. At least your time together wouldn’t be so limited.

Losing Leon felt like losing a limb, even if he was only moving a few hours away to the other side of the mountain. Another shooting star streaked across the night sky, and you barely even noticed you had said something until you already finished speaking, “I wish you could stay… I feel like I can’t breathe without you…”

He hummed into your slick pussy, tongue swirling over your bud before pulling back just far enough to respond, “Not talking about it, baby, remember?”

Your face scrunched up a little bit as you realized your mistake and nodded, returning your focus to the glittering stars above you while your boyfriend sucked and licked at your cunt like he was starving. Soon enough his middle and index fingers were prodding at your hole, tracing the shape of you before sinking deep into your sticky, wet heat, your needy walls sucking him in.

What you didn’t know was that Leon had been focusing so much pleasure on you over the summer because it felt like making up for what he wouldn’t be able to do from thousands of miles away in the fall. You were the only thing he could bring himself to think about since roughly halfway to graduation at the police academy, when he was beginning to pester Raccoon City Police Department with his exemplary test scores and ever-growing resume– by the end of the year you would have both gone so far in separate directions, and long distance wasn’t something you ever excelled at. He knew that the day he left for Raccoon City, he would be effectively nailing the coffin shut.

So he bided his time by fucking you senseless almost daily, eating you out, pinning you down and driving you to tears with your toys, feeling every inch of you beneath his hands just so he wouldn’t forget. Every moan, every mewl, every whimper and sob and plea from you was like music to his ears, like pure heroin directly to the vein. Just like a drug, the better it felt in the moment, the more he knew it would hurt you both later on.

He felt you bucking into his nose and whining quietly, and every twitch of your muscles made his cock throb in his jeans. Leon couldn’t take it anymore, he needed you now.

Pulling back from your core, Leon moved quickly to undo his belt and shove his jeans down his thighs, desperate for some relief from the pressure and intoxicating desire. He was already dribbling precum just from the taste of you, a distinct wet patch growing at the front of his soft blue boxers that soon joined his pants down his legs, and shortly thereafter he was clumsily crawling over you in the passenger seat of his Jeep.

Almost like muscle memory, your arm fell behind you in a blind search for your purse in the back seat. You quickly retrieved it, digging through its contents as Leon’s hands shoved their way up your shirt to paw at your breasts, devouring your throat with kisses, making it a little difficult to maintain your focus. Finally you found what you were looking for, fingers coming into contact with that trusty little box… only to find it empty.

“L-Leon… mm, babe, hey,” You panted in an attempt to gather his attention. He hummed a barely noticeable sound of acknowledgment, but otherwise didn’t budge. You let him continue for a lingering second before breaking the news in a near whisper, “Leon, we’re out of condoms…”

He paused, breaths short and hips rutting into your own with need, his woefully hard cock grinding against your slit. While his body acted on its own in search of any friction he could get, his mind was spinning. He knew you weren’t on birth control and he knew a risk like this could ruin everything you’d both worked so hard for… but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

In fact, it sort of spurred him on.

He buried his face into your neck again and sucked a harsh, dark mark into your skin, a feeling of possessiveness taking root in him. “Then we’re gonna risk it,” He said definitively, his voice low and almost growling in your ear. “Just think about it, sweetheart… Maybe if you let me knock you up, you can forget all about college… I could just whisk you away to the city with me and take care of you for the rest of our lives…”

A rush of heat struck you like a moving car and knocked the air out of your lungs. You knew it would be stupid to throw away your scholarships and every dream you’d had for yourself on a whim, but it was admittedly a nice fantasy at the very least. Arching into the palm of his hand, you relented.

“F-Fuck, fuck… Fuck me, Leon, please, just fuck me…”

And just as you anticipated, he took you up on that. A cool breeze rushed through the open vehicle as he lined himself up at your hole and drove into you, his vision going white for a second just at the intensity of the pleasure he felt, being engulfed by you again. Your body was heaven on Earth to him, you were heaven on Earth to him. 

He sheathed into you down to the hilt with a low groan, one hand clutching your hip and the other tangled in your hair. Leon tugged your head aside by your hair so he could speak directly into your ear, “You’re mine, you hear me? All mine. My girl, my wife, my pretty little baby mama…”

Each declaration was punctuated by a thrust of the hips, his swollen, leaking cock stuffed so deeply inside you that it was almost like you could feel him in your throat. Any and all concerns about your future, individually and as a couple, burned to ash in the far back of your mind as he fucked into with fervor. In this moment, Leon was all that mattered.

You quivered and writhed beneath him, your gummy insides pulsing and clenching around his length, and even with the top off the Jeep, the windows were beginning to accumulate a subtle fog on them. The two of you were hot and slick with sweat, drowning in the heat of each other and the late summer air.

“Leon,” You moaned, nails biting into his shoulders as you clung to him for dear life, for any shred of stability. “Make me yours…”

At this point, you couldn’t even tell if you were serious, and similarly to Leon, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were drunk on him and everything about him, the warmth of his skin, the pheromones that clung to his sweat, the strong grip of his hands and the sound of his breaths and the feeling of him railing into you like you were made for each other. 

“Plannin’ on it, baby,” He said in response, words breathy and a smug grin tugging at his lips. He let go of your hair to plant his hand against the window as he increased his pace, plunging into you with ardor, his balls heavy and aching for release. “Gonna keep you all to myself, give you everything you ever wanted.”

The hand of his that was holding your hip just a moment ago was now wedging itself down between you to rub steady circles into your clit. You jolted at the contact, an incoherent cry tumbling from you, molten heat pooling up in your stomach. His earlier ministrations left both him and you especially sensitive and nearing your climaxes.

He could feel your peak approaching through the way you were convulsing around him, your wet cunt tightening and pulling him deeper with each stroke until he couldn’t even think anymore. Every last one of his senses was clouded– no, drenched with you. His pace stuttered just a little bit as he decided he couldn’t possibly hold back any longer.

With a loud, pleasured groan of your name, Leon stilled inside you as a torrent of cum flooded your waiting womb, warming you from the inside. What finally pushed you over the edge into your own release was Leon’s sly fingers tugging and pinching at your bud with expertise.

“G-God, fuck,” You sobbed, breaking skin as your nails raked down his strong back and gripped him as close to you as you could manage. Tears were pricking at your eyes as you coated his cock with your release, leaving behind a creamy white ring of arousal at the base of his softening sex.

Silence fell over the car as you clung to each other, broken only by your gasping breaths for oxygen. Leon buried his face into your shoulder and kissed the sizable hickie he’d left you earlier, still fresh and stinging.

“Did so good for me,” He huffed into your ear, nibbling at your lobe. “I can’t get enough of you.”

Eventually he pulled out, a sticky mixture of your juices dribbling out of your spent hole and down to the leather seat below you. As Leon climbed less than gracefully out of the passenger seat with his pants around his knees, you were both startled by the unexpected sight of headlights traveling up the very same mountain road that led you here, and the vehicle was pulling into the lookout.

“Shit,” Leon grumbled, rushing to fix his pants and toss you a blanket from the back seat to cover up with, given your sweatpants were lost somewhere on the floor of the car.

The intruding vehicle pulled up right behind Leon’s Jeep, headlights shining into the cabin as a person got out of the driver’s side… with a flashlight. Of course it had to be a cop.

Leon took a deep breath before rolling his window down with a polite smile. “Evening, officer… Nice night, isn’t it?”

[starsstuddedsky]

What? Like It’s Hard?

gn reader x soonyoung

summary: With the help of a little bit of bleach, Soonyoung is certified legally blonde–complete to last minute-dedication to scoring as high as Elle Woods on the LSAT. While he has no interest in law school, he’s notorious for never turning down a dare. So how does a frat bro in serious danger of failing his senior year get a 179? He asks the smartest person he knows. 

Or, studying for a law test has never seen this much chemistry.

genre: fluff, angst, non-idol au, uni au, friends to lovers, opposites attract

warnings: swearing, drinking, food, arguing, a couple sex jokes, one spicy scene at the end but no actual smut, refusal to acknowledge feelings, what's the word for beyond oblivious????

full wc: 24.3k

playlist! - i'm not very good at this but i tried to add songs alternating between yn and soonyoung :)

a/n: hello!! first of all, sorry this so long! it's been a very very busy summer. thank you to everyone who has continued to show interest in the story, it's really kept me going. i honestly have no idea what this is anymore but i hope it does not disappoint :) as always i appreciate feedback of any form <3 thank you again for reading and have a lovely day! finally, happy scoups day :)

a/n2: a special shout out to @chocolatemilk139 for being my beta and for helping me fact check... why do i keep writing about lawyers when i know absolutely nothing about the field.......

“Nope.” You grab your backpack, shoving your laptop inside, but he gets to your water bottle before you can reach it. 

“Come on.” Soonyoung pouts his lips. 

“I won’t do it,” you say. 

Soonyoung hugs your water bottle hostage against his chest, dark blue hiding in the crook of his elbow, bright against the pale pink sweater he wears. It’s an unusual choice for him, normally clad in baggy jeans and loose t-shirts. Still, the color highlights his new hair, blonde bordering on white. Hardly the first time he’s done something insane for a bet. 

“Please! I’m desperate!” He cries again, stepping closer, though he keeps a firm grip on your water bottle. You never should have told him how emotionally attached you are to it; you should have known it would be held against you. 

“No,” you say. You sling your backpack on, just in case he gets any other ideas. The other students shoot dirty looks at you, actually in the library to study (like you were, until Soonyoung arrived). So you grab him by the arm, rolling your eyes at how he jerks the water bottle out of reach. 

“Walk and talk, we’re not doing this here,” you say, folding your arms over your chest. 

“Come on, how hard can it be?” Soonyoung asks. “It’s just a test.”

“Just a test?” You snort. “Soonyoung, you are aware that most people don’t apply to law school on a dare?” 

“I don’t have to get into law school!” He says, “just get a 179 on the LSAT.” 

As if that makes it any better. You eye Soonyoung and his tight grip on the plastic. Maybe it’s a lost cause and you should just swing by the bookstore to get a new one instead. But that water bottle has butterfly stickers that have survived since freshman year and a dent from the time Jun tried to use it as a weapon in a fight against Jihoon (that was declared a draw when the bottle busted open and doused both of them equally); it holds memories better than water and you’ll be damned if you let Soonyoung hold it hostage. 

“That’s actually harder,” you mumble. From the corner of your eye, you can see him tucking the blue bottle under his right arm, farthest from you. This won’t be easy, especially since you saw the poorly disguised thirst trap of him and one of his frat bros at the gym: those arms are not to be underestimated. 

“I’ll pay you!” 

“With what money?” 

Soonyoung pauses. You’ve reached the exit by now, sunlight warming you through the glass doors. He turns to the sunlight, and you know he’s pretending to be a main character from an artsy film (not that he’s ever seen on). He takes a deep breath, as if he already regrets what he has to say next. 

“Okay, I’ll offer you the only services I have.” He turns to face you, eyes on the floor. 

“Oh my god, Soonyoung!” You shove his shoulder. “You are not selling your body for a test!” 

“But it’s all I know!” He says. He pokes your arms. “You could have so much muscle if you lifted just twice a week.” 

“Oh.” You blink at him. “You meant working out?” 

“What did you think I meant?” 

You feel heat rush into your cheeks. You push the door open, praying Soonyoung doesn’t notice. “It doesn’t matter,” you say, not daring to check if he’s following. “I don’t have time to workout.” 

“Then what do you want?” Soonyoung asks. He stays just out of reach, adjusting his grip so that the water bottle hangs from his hand. “Please, I’ll do anything!” 

“Why do you need me?” 

“Because you’re the smartest person I know,” he says without hesitation. In the three years of your friendship, you’ve learned that the only time Soonyoung isn’t serious is when he flirts. 

“You are,” he insists. “Plus you’ve already taken it, so you’re my best chance. My only chance, it’s not like I have a good track record with tests.” He gives you a lopsided smile as he tries to pretend like he’s joking. But Soonyoung has always been easy to read. You see the sparkle in his eyes dim, and you remember freshman Soonyoung–when he failed the midterm and holed up in his room in the frat house for two full days, not even venturing out to drink. It’s that damn sparkle that gets to you. He isn’t paying attention anymore, water bottle hanging loosely from his hand, but you can’t bring yourself to snatch it. 

“You can pass it,” you say with a sigh. “It’s about studying correctly.” 

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung says. “I’ve never really studied.” 

“Well, that’s what I’ll teach you.” 

Soonyoung freezes, grabbing your arm. “Seriously?” When you turn to face him, his smile is so bright it warms you from the inside out, hotter than the actual sun on your skin. He throws his arms around you, wrapping you in a hug so tight he lifts you off the ground. Your heart does this strange thing where it hops into your throat. Your arms come up as a reflex but his embrace is too tight for you to even hug him back.  

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He shouts. He doesn’t let go, even when he sets you back down. He loosens his arms just enough to look at you, the full force of his smile directed at you. “I swear you’re welcome at the frat house any time, I’ll buy you anything you want when I have money, I’ll drive you wherever you want if I can get Seungcheol’s car, I’ll do whatever, just thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

You know you should answer, or say something, but thinking is too much when he’s so close you can smell the strangely sweet combination of laundry detergent, cologne, and sweat. You push out of his arms, snagging your water bottle on the way out. 

“It’s whatever,” you mumble. Though his arms aren’t around you anymore, you feel strangely hot, like your blood is boiling, and your heart still pounds. 

“It is not whatever,” Soonyoung declares. “I swear, whatever you want, I’ll do it.” He holds a hand over his heart and if it was anyone else you’d think they were joking but it’s Soonyoung: he’s deadly serious. 

You can’t handle his gaze anymore, turning to study your beat up sneakers. “Really? You’ll get my first edition copy of Pride and Prejudice from Jun?” 

“I’ll get that book back.” He glances at you. “It is a book, right?” 

“Yeah,” you say. “Though there’s been some good adaptations.” 

“That’s the one with the zombies?” 

“Zombies?” You frown. “Oh my god, do you mean Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?” 

“That’s not the original book?” 

“No,” you say, laughing. “The original is Jane Austen, in the 1800s.” 

“Oh,” Soonyoung says. 

“I’ve actually never seen that one,” you say. “It’s the only adaptation I haven’t seen.” 

“How many movies are there?” 

“Well, there’s the 1940 adaptation, the BBC series that’s widely regarded as the most faithful adaptation, the 2005 Kiera Knightley movie that’s iconic, plus the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, which is a vlog-style Youtube adaptation. Then of course there’s Jane Austen’s other works, like Persuasion, which, the new one, for the record, was a terrible adaptation.” You stop when you realize you’re dangerously close to going on what Jihoon calls ‘an Austen tirade.’ 

“I liked the movie,” he says after a pause. “I don’t know if it was that good, or close to the books. But it was fun.” 

“I’ll have to watch it, then,” you say. “I know it’s the obvious choice, but Pride and Prejudice really is my favorite Jane Austen novel. Good luck getting it back from Jun though. He’s studying abroad this semester.” 

“He’s the friend from your history class?” 

“No, that’s Jihoon, my roommate,” you say. “Jun was in my language class.” 

“I thought you hated everyone in that class.” 

“Oh, I did,” you say. “But Jun is friends with Jihoon, so he sort of just became my friend too.” 

Soonyoung hums, saying nothing else. You don’t recognize the song, though you tend to mostly listen to classical music when you study or whatever Jihoon blasts from his room, so it’s not that surprising. The melody is nice, though. Well, Soonyoung’s voice is. 

“I really am grateful,” Soonyoung says. “I know I was begging, because I don’t think I can do this without you–well, I don’t know if I can do it with you, but you’re my only hope and–I’m rambling again.” He flashes a smile. “The point is, thank you.” 

You shrug, feeling shy under his gaze. “It’ll help me study anyways,” you say. “You learn a lot when you teach.” 

“I thought you already took it?”

“I only got a 150,” you say, sighing. “I need at least a 165.” 

Soonyoung nods, forehead creasing like it always does when he’s lost in thought. “Thank you anyway.”

“Well, you swore to do whatever I tell you,” you say, desperate to change the subject. “Don’t think I won’t abuse that.” 

“Oh, YN,” he says, “I’m counting on it.” He even winks. 

You cough, choking at the outright flirting. Soonyoung hasn’t tried a line on you in so long you thought he’d used them all. He isn’t serious–it was engraved in his DNA the second he became a fully fledged member of Sigma Beta Tau but it’s not like many people flirt with you, so it’s hard to stop your heart from jumping. 

You check your phone, unable to look him in the eyes. It’s 2:18 now, prime naptime if you can get back to your apartment before Jihoon gets back. But if it’s past two, unless he lied to you at the start of the semester, that means Soonyoung should be in his data ethics class. “Hey, don’t you have class right now?” 

Soonyoung glances at the time on his phone. “Shit.” He takes off, sprinting across the grass, dodging three picnics and narrowly avoiding getting rocked in the back of the head by a frisbee. He pauses at the edge, turning back around to wave wildly at you. 

“Thank you!” He shouts. The picnickers glance between you and him and you can feel the blush returning. Soonyoung doesn’t notice all the eyes on him, waving like a goofball one final time before sprinting off again. Like a whirlwind, he’s gone again, leaving you to stroll across campus and wonder what you just signed up for. 

.

.

Soonyoung’s brow furrows into a frown, lips pulling together in a pout. He rests his chin on his hands, looking up at you from the table like a puppy that knows he’s in trouble. “That bad?” 

“Your analytical reasoning was good!” You say, not wanting to destroy him just yet. “The logical analysis wasn’t that bad either, you just need practice.” 

“Wasn’t there a third section?” 

“The score for reading comprehension was pretty bad.” Horrendous, actually, but you can’t tell him that, not when he’s deflating faster than a balloon at a knife throwing contest. He sits back, head knocking lightly against the back of the stiff library chairs. 

“We can work with this! It’s really not that bad,” you say. You reach out instinctively, wrapping your hands over his hands. Your thumb rests against the soft smooth skin of the back of his hand, the rest of your fingers brushing lightly against his calloused fingers. You jerk back when you realize what you’re doing, patting his hands once and grabbing the workbook in front of him as if it’s what you meant to do all along. You study the upside down words, not daring to look at the disgust that’s probably painted on Soonyoung’s face. 

“You can start with practicing the logic problems,” you say, flipping through the work book. “I’ll figure out a strategy for the reading portion.” 

Soonyoung heaves a sigh, sitting up and hunching over the workbook. You flip open one of your old workbooks and try to pretend like you’re not trying to melt away from embarrassment. 

“This isn’t very much teaching,” Soonyoung says without looking up. “Lots of problem solving.” 

“I don’t really know what I’m doing either,” you say. “I just watched a lot of youtube videos when I was studying last year. I should have known better than to take it over the summer, though.” 

Soonyoung glances up. “How come?” 

You chew on your lip. You’ve known Soonyoung for a while now, but you’ve never talked to him like this, mentioning any real things other than complaining about roommates. Soonyoung would listen, probably say the ‘right’ things, but it’s a study session, so you just say, “Just not good timing.” 

He nods, returning to his humming. You turn to your own workbook, trying to figure out how to get Soonyoung to actually read the passages for the reading comprehension. Twenty minutes pass in an instant and Soonyoung drops his pencil, sliding his journal with the answers back in front of you. You flip to the answer key, scanning between the two. 

“When are you taking it again?” Soonyoung asks while he waits. 

“Just before Halloween,” you say. Exactly 38 days from now, according to the IMPENDING DOOM countdown clock on your phone. 

“That soon?” 

You shrug. “I wanted to give myself time to take it again in case I bomb it and it had to be before midterms, so, yeah.” 

“Is it really that bad to take all your tests at once?” Soonyoung asks. 

“I mean, finals week pretty much kills me every semester. I actually thought I was cutting it close with only two weeks between it and midterms.” 

“Is November cutting it too close?” 

“Depends on when in November you plan on taking it,” you say, “though you probably won’t be able to take it again if you don’t like your score.” 

“Not a problem for me,” Soonyoung says. He doesn’t waver against your raised eyebrow. “I’m getting that 179, first try.” 

“You’re that confident?” 

“In you.” He winks. “Also the bet is off if I don’t get it on the first try.” 

You nod. “Yeah, that makes more sense.” You glance at your calendar. “

“November 18th.” 

“That’s not too bad, you dodged between midterms and finals, there should be plenty of cram time.” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I just scheduled it so that I would get the results before the Christmas party.” 

“I didn’t think you would be the religious type.” 

“Oh, I’m not,” he says. “The frat has this annual post-finals party before people go back home for holiday break, usually on the last day of finals. There’s no way I’m letting Seungkwan get away with my hard earned Playstation, and there’s no way he’d miss the party.” 

“You can’t just buy your own game?” 

“It’s a console actually,” he says, “and that’s not the point.” You prepare for some lecture about honor or frat code or something overly dramatic and inspired by any of the countless war propaganda movies he loves, but he closes his mouth. 

“I guess it doesn’t really matter,” you say. You turn back his sheet, half the answers marked with a dark blue X because red feels too cruel. “You’re clearly committed.” 

He sighs at the answers, flipping back to the first question and frowning. You think the conversation is over, but without looking up from glaring at the right answers, he says, “You should come.” 

“To?” 

“The Christmas party.” 

You stare at the top of his head but he doesn’t seem to notice. You wonder how he manages to keep his hair so blonde without ruining his scalp but you don’t see any dandruff. “Me?” You finally say. 

“You said you’d come, like, freshman year,” he says. “You never did.” 

You did promise, back when you saw him for class every day. But frat parties weren’t your scene back then. They aren’t your scene now. Nothing about blasting music and binge drinking appeals to you, and yet Soonyoung peeking at you from his notebook makes you feel guilty anyways. He looks at you like he really doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to go.

And that’s the worst part: for Soonyoung, you would go. When he looks at you with the damn Soonyoung Sparkle, you’d do anything. 

“I’ll… think about it,” you finally say. 

He looks at you for a moment longer, then nods, like he didn’t really expect you to say yes. You try not to feel like you’re letting him down. 

“Can you explain this one to me,” he asks, turning the book so you can see it from across the table. 

You skim the question, which turns out to be a series of questions about stained glass windows. You take a moment to glance between Soonyoung’s answers and the correct ones. 

“Walk me through your process,” you say. 

“Okay, I start with…”

.

. 

“Soonyoung, are you even listening?” 

He blinks at you, lifting his head from his arms. “Something about strategies? For reading?” 

You snap the book shut, shaking your head. You open your mouth, speech on responsibility and studying on the tip of your tongue but one look into Soonyoung’s Sparkle Eyes (patent pending) and all the words are gone. You really need to figure out how to get around that super power. 

“Come on, it’s so nice out,” he says. “We should be outside.” He grabs your hand. “This is not studying weather, this is dating weather.” 

“Soonyoung your test is in two months, you seriously want to skip?” You don’t dignify the second part of his complaint with a response. The idea of Soonyoung on a date makes your stomach flip. 

He sighs. “No, but it’s October, we won’t get many more nice days, so can we at least go outside?” 

You hesitate a heartbeat too long and Soonyoung jumps up. He closes the workbook, knocking loose papers off the table and sending highlighters of every color flying in every direction. The chaos earns a couple side eyes from the people around you and a full on glare from the person directly next to him, but Soonyoung, as Soonyoung as ever, doesn’t seem to notice. He picks up the papers and highlighters, shoving them into his backpack without a folder and slinging it over his shoulder. You can only follow him, grabbing the drinks before he tries to carry them along his laptop. When it comes to Soonyoung, mixing liquids and technology is more dangerous than mixing alcohols. You haven’t forgotten The Coffee Incident, flooding his backpack at 8 in the morning. 

He drags you out of the library, though you don’t put up much of a fight. Soonyoung makes you want to relax, just a little, and when he smiles back at you as soon as he steps out of the sunlight, you find you don’t regret a thing. 

Soonyoung pulls his emergency blanket out of his blanket, passing it to you. He’s more prepared for naps than any class he’s ever taken but the thin fabric is soft so who are you to judge? He heads straight for the quad, which is already filled with people, some groups of friends, too many obvious couples with heads in each other's laps or arms wrapped around each other. Soonyoung settles down in a relatively unpopulated corner, taking the blanket back to shake it out the blanket a few times before laying it flat on the ground. 

Soonyoung groans when you pull out the workbooks as soon as you sit down. “There isn’t anything more fun to study?” 

“Soonyoung, it’s the LSAT,” you say. “It’s not really meant to be fun.” 

“But–” 

“You’re the one that wanted to go outside,” you remind him, tapping his arm with a pen. “If you’re too distracted we’ll have to go back into the library.” 

He gazes at the other people laughing for a long moment before turning to face you again. You raise your eyebrows and he takes the workbook from your hands, flipping it open to the sticky-note bookmark. 

The next twenty minutes are relatively quiet, the only noise coming from the chatter of the people around you, too far away to clearly hear, and Soonyoung humming while working through practice problems. You’re not sure if he even realizes he’s doing it, though he bobs his head slightly. You wonder what Soonyoung is like when he isn’t trying to get out of studying–even outside of the party invites you’ve avoided, you rarely see him on campus (because you aren’t on campus when you don’t have to be). You almost went to dinner with him to celebrate passing the business class freshman year where you met him, but you got food poisoning and he never rescheduled. 

It’s for the best, though. Even like this, tutoring him minus payment of any kind, you can tell that spending too much time with him will be dangerous. He flirts so easily it feels genuine, and even though he can be ridiculous, he’s never been anything but lovely to you. And it doesn’t help that he’s hot. He glances up, as if he can feel you staring, but he just flashes a smile at you and ducks his head again. Damn frat bros with endearing charms that melt you like the perfect grilled cheese. 

Perfectly blue without a cloud in sight, the sky is an empty canvas above you. The air is just the right temperature, just between hot and cold, the sun ensuring that it never dips into the latter. Just the slightest breeze kisses your skin, lifting the edges of the papers but never flipping them. Soonyoung was right: the perfect date weather. 

“Soonyoung?” You turn your head to see a dark haired man standing over you. Wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and sides ripped open, you figure there’s a 80% chance he’s one of Soonyoung’s frat brothers. 

“Seokmin?” Soonyoung frowns. 

“You were actually serious?” Seokmin asks, gesturing to the books. “You know Seungkwan said it as a joke, right?” 

“Yeah, but a bet is a bet,” Soonyoung says. “And I really want his Playstation.” 

Seokmin snorts. “You know he only said it because he knows you can’t do it.” 

“I’m not like I’m losing anything by trying.” Soonyoung sets his lips in a sharp line of determination (which you recognize from the dining hall when he sweet talks his way into free cookies). Seokmin raises his eyebrows at his aggression but eventually decides it’s not worth the fight. Instead, he plops down on the blanket, making a little triangle between the three of you. 

“You must be YN,” he says, extending his hand. His easy smile and the way he sat down without waiting for an invitation reminds you of Soonyoung. Unlike the faux blonde, it feels foreign and you shift a little closer to Soonyoung instinctively. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” you lie. Seokmin’s eyes curl into little half moons when he smiles, apparently not noticing your awkwardness. You can’t help but feel like he’s intruding as he turns to Soonyoung and asks him to explain what he’s doing. Soonyoung explains it well, though it helps that he was working on the analytical reasoning section. 

It’s because he’s interrupting Soonyoung’s studying. That’s why it bothers you that he’s here, even though Soonyoung doesn’t seem to mind and Seokmin seems genuinely interested. Unfortunately, the revelation doesn’t stop you from wishing Seokmin would just leave.  

“I don’t know how you do any of this,” Seokmin says after Soonyoung explains the next problem. 

“It’s easy!” Soonyoung says. “Half the time the answer is in the question, you just have to know where to look!” 

“Quoting me?” You raise your eyebrows. 

“Well I did learn from the best!” 

“So cliche,” you mutter but the compliment gets you smiling anyway. You look up to find Seokmin looking at you. He has a strange look on his face, frowning, but not angrily. He looks a little bit like when Soonyoung can’t decide between the right answer and the second best option. He doesn’t look away when you catch him staring. 

“What?” 

He pauses a long moment before answering, as if pondering how to answer. Finally, he says, “I like you.” 

You stare at him. Soonyoung had been diligently working on practice problems but his head jerks up at the words. 

“I mean, you’re a cool person,” Seokmin quickly says. “Good tutor for Soonyoung.” After hearing his name, Soonyoung grins and turns back to underlining in the workbook. 

“Tutor?” You say. “I really don’t think I’m doing all that much.” 

Seokmin shrugs. ”I don’t know many people that would spend this much time with someone if they aren't helping. Besides, either way, I’ve never seen Soonyoung this dedicated before.” 

“That’s because you don’t dare to bet against me,” Soonyoung says without looking up. 

“He might have a point there,” you say. Soonyoung takes a moment to smile at your support. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you’re cool,” Seokmin says. 

“Thank you?” You wait for him to say something else but he sits back and rests his hands behind him, stretching out in the sun a little more. Sighing, he tilts his head toward the sun. 

“Seems like the weather will turn cold soon,” he says. “This might be the last warm day of the year.” He glances at Soonyoung. “And you’re spending it here instead of pre-gaming the Tau party.” 

Soonyoung’s pencil freezes. He peeks up at Seokmin, then at you, then shrugs. “I take my bets seriously.” 

“Whatever,” Seokmin says. He lays back fully, half of his body sticking off the blanket into the grass. “What are the Ke$ha lyrics? ‘The party don’t start ‘til Soonyoung walks in?’” He doesn’t wait for a correction. “I think I’ll wait until you're finished and we’ll tear it up together.” 

Soonyoung glances at you, then unsuccessfully tries to hide his laughter at your expression. You don’t mean to be rude, but Seokmin really just invited himself all on his own and crashed your picnic. Study date. Outdoor study session. The name doesn’t matter, what does matter is it’s only supposed to be you and Soonyoung. 

“He’ll fall asleep in about five seconds,” Soonyoung whispers. “He doesn’t actually care about the party, he just likes my nap blankets.” On that point you can’t really blame Seokmin. 

“As long as it doesn’t disrupt your studying,” you say. 

“Right,” Soonyoung says, more to himself than you. “That’s what’s important.” 

You aren’t so oblivious that you miss his bitterness, but you are enough of a coward to decide not to ask about it. How do you even ask about something like that? You can barely answer his questions about the LSAT, so feelings? No chance. 

You flip open your own workbook and set a pencil case down to keep the book open and ignore the soft snores from Seokmin. Soonyoung hums, the soft breeze carrying the gentle tune to you and easing you into a false sense of comfort, planting the idea that it’s always been like this and it always will be. But Soonyoung will take the LSAT in November and you will graduate in the spring and there won’t be any more excuses for seeing him, let alone laying out in the sun with him. Letting yourself enjoy this moment has dangerous consequences for your heart. 

And yet you enjoy the warm sun on your skin and hum along with Soonyoung anyway. Seokmin is right: this kind of day won’t last long. 

.

.

You jump awake at the sound. It takes you a moment to register where you are, to blink the sleep out of your eyes and recognize the stiff library chairs, the yellow tinted lighting of the study rooms on the third floor. Built like a prison cell with no windows and stained linoleum floors, you aren’t entirely sure how you fell asleep. The last thing you remember is working on your essay on Sense and Sensibility, which was rather difficult since you haven’t had the time to finish rereading it. Your book rests on the table next to your open laptop, screen dark. 

A second knock reminds you why you woke up in the first place and you turn to the door. Through the glass door you see a student with a backpack hanging off their shoulder, half smiling. They turn the knob, opening the door just enough to stick their head in. 

“Hey, sorry, I think I have the room scheduled,” they say. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I lost track of time,” you say, slamming your laptop shut and shoving everything into your backpack. To their credit, the other student doesn’t rush you, even apologizing and telling you to take your time. But if you’ve lost the room, that means the two hours you had booked the study room for–the two hours you designated for writing the essay and doing problem sets–were spent asleep, which means the LSAT cram schedule has been completely thrown off with only three days before the test. 

You groan as you step into the elevator, pressing the button for the fifth floor. The farther up, the more intense the quiet levels get. Hopefully it won’t be so quiet that you fall asleep, but since you got a nap, you should be able to power through an all-nighter. It wouldn’t be the first time. You brace yourself to check your phone for the time, though being kicked out of the room means you already know your fate. 9:08 means that you have a little less than three hours until the library closes. You’ve done more with less time. 

The first couple desks are occupied by students but you don’t stray, heading for a familiar corner, ignoring the empty desks that line the stacks. Your corner, that you found freshman year during finals season when you couldn’t find an empty desk, is perfect: hidden behind the encyclopedia shelves with a light directly above it, only three dicks carved into it–all on the underside (discovered on a particularly bad day where you found it most comfortable to lay underneath and rethink your entire life). You smile at the small comfort, striding through the stacks with Sense and Sensibility still in your arms. 

You nearly drop the book when you see the backpack, abruptly turning despite the fact that it must have been obvious to whoever stole your corner that you were headed there. You feel rage boiling up and threatening to spill. You close your eyes, reminding yourself that the corner isn’t actually yours. Still, as you settle into a desk facing a giant window that reveals the dark campus, you can’t help but feel bitter. Your thoughts stray to the desk that should be yours, even as you pull out your computer. 

BATTERY LOW

The words light up your screen, mocking you before the screen falls dark again. You dig in your backpack for your charger that you always slip into the main pocket. You feel your underused pencil pouch, the single journal since you keep most of your notes on your laptop, LSAT prep book, your three folders, and no charger. Even when you look inside and lay the entire contents of your backpack on the desk in front of you, the only charger you find is for your phone. Which means the longer laptop cord is probably sitting on your desk, all the way back at your apartment. 

A twenty minute walk back, twenty minutes less for writing your essay. You can start it on your phone, maybe, though the thought of switching between reading the Sparknotes and typing already exhausts you. It’s moot anyways, since all you can do is sit and stare at the desk, covered in the contents of your soul. This is what your life has become: a stack of paper that weighs less than the digital universe on your laptop that’s all contingent on a $15 charger that abandons you when you need it most. 

In the end it isn’t the rage that gets to you. It’s the hilarity of it all, how silly it is that your life is dictated by something so stupid. 

The fifth floor decrees silence, so you make sure that your sobs don’t make a noise. You can’t control the tears but you can hold your breath. When your head starts to feel light and your lungs are desperate for air, you can breathe through your mouth and inhale as slow as you can to keep the shakiness to a minimum. You can do everything you can to hold it together, even when you’re falling apart. 

Someone taps you on the shoulder. You lift your head, ready to face a tired librarian kicking you out but instead you see bleach blonde hair and a forced smile over a furrowed brow. 

“What are you doing here?” You whisper, glad for the quiet because you don’t trust your voice to support you. 

He holds up a thick, leatherbound book. LSAT for Dummies. “Extra reading couldn’t hurt, right?” 

You blink at him. The only times you’ve seen Soonyoung in the library on his own has been with a thick blanket and closed eyes (it’s how you know he sleeps with his mouth open, just a little). You can’t quite believe he’s in front of you and yet he takes a step closer and doesn’t vanish. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks. 

“Shhh,” you say, holding your finger to your lips to get him to quiet down, even though there’s no one in sight. “Quiet floor.” 

He nods, looking around as if he’s waiting for someone to kick him out. He turns to look at your desk, the contents of your backpack still strewn about. He tilts his head but doesn’t dare raise his voice to ask. You know he hasn’t missed the tears, still wet on your cheeks. 

You done? He mouths. 

Not even close, you think, but you nod anyways because it’s the easier answer. Soonyoung doesn’t hesitate, gently closing your laptop and sweeping everything into your backpack. You watch as he dumps it all into the biggest pocket, zipping it up and slinging it onto his back. He tucks the law book under his arm and holds out his other hand for you to take. 

“Come on,” he whispers. And you take it, let him pull you out of your chair. The walk to the elevator; out of the library; toward the edge of campus; nothing feels far when Soonyoung doesn’t let go of your hand. You follow him in a daze, clinging to his hand in the off-chance that all your luck rides on him–like if you let go, you’ll lose your tether to this planet. 

Soonyoung rarely walks in silence and today is not an exception. He rambles about the only member of the frat capable of cooking that apparently can’t do anything without creating a giant mess. Even as he complains about the guy, Soonyoung can’t help defending him, explaining in mouth-watering detail how good his food is. 

“One time he crowd sourced some steaks and did a grill for the new pledges and they all thought it was a prank or something and nearly cried when he actually let them eat them. I think they burnt their mouths from eating it too fast, afraid someone was going to take it away from them.” Soonyoung stops at the edge of campus. He glances at you, a question in his eyes. Where are we going? 

“Soonyoung,” you say. Squeezing his hand feels natural. “I don’t really want to go back right now.” 

He nods, squeezing your hand back. “You want to go for a ride?” 

“You have a car?” 

“Nope.” Soonyoung fishes his phone out of his pocket and makes a call. You can only hear Soonyoung, who says, “I need a ride,” and “Pick me up by the duck statue,” and then he hangs up. 

The edge of campus that Soonyoung drags you to is right next to the athletic fields, which explains why there is a giant statue of the mascot that towers over you. It has three of its own personal spotlights and shiny claws from fans rubbing them for good luck, despite there being no official tradition. You only went to one game, mostly to confirm you would rather be anywhere else (except maybe the bathroom of the stadium). Either way, the only thing you do know about the statue and mascot for your school is that it is not a duck. 

“That’s a raven.” You point at the statue. 

Soonyoung frowns between you and the hunk of metal. “Oh, Larry?” 

“It has a name?” 

“Well, there’s the official name, which is like, Midnight Rain or something, and the frat name.” 

“And the frat name is Larry?” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I didn’t choose it.” 

“And you call it a duck, too?” 

“It looks like a duck.” 

You study the statue. You aren’t an ornithologist, but you’re pretty sure ducks have webbed feet instead of talons, and different beaks. Plus you’ve never seen a pure black duck. But you’ve spent enough time with Soonyoung to know it doesn’t have to make sense when the frat is involved (in fact, you’ve found sense is rarely involved in their decisions). 

“We just call it the duck. Or Larry, when we want to be formal.” Soonyoung jumps at the honk of a horn. You turn around with him to find an obnoxiously red convertible parked against the curb. The driver’s smooth black hair is styled to look effortless, hair falling just above his eyes, and he wears sunglasses despite the fact that the sun went down three hours ago. He might be attractive, if he wasn’t trying so hard. You never thought you had a type, but someone like Soonyoung, who wears clothes that he likes and sticks his hair straight up because he thinks it looks funny–that’s more your style. 

“Here’s our ride,” Soonyoung says. He starts walking, pulling you with him, still holding your hand. You aren’t sure if he even realizes, but you’re in no hurry to remind him. 

“Hey Josh,” he says. 

Driver (Josh, apparently), finally pulls off his sunglasses. “Soonyoung, you have a friend.” 

“I’m YN,” you say, wishing your voice didn’t sound so scratchy from crying. 

 “Oh, I know,” he says, a twinkle in his eye that flirts between danger and fun. “I’m Joshua.” You try not to feel unsettled by it. He raises an eyebrow as Soonyoung slides into the backseat and you sit beside him. “Am I just an Uber to you?” 

“Seungcheol is out and I knew there was no way you would let me drive your car,” Soonyoung says. 

“So, yes?” 

Soonyoung shrugs and laughs at Joshua’s expression. 

“Where are we headed?” He asks with a resigned sigh as if he’s used to Soonyoung’s antics. Has he done this before? You frown. Why does it matter to you if he’s done this with someone else? You’re so busy with the internal war, you miss Soonyoung’s answer. 

“Seriously?” Joshua asks. “It’s a weeknight.” 

“Like that’s ever been a problem for you.” 

Joshua glances at you. “You’re okay with this?” 

You pause. You don’t actually know where Soonyoung said to go. But it’s Soonyoung, your heart says. You're inclined to agree with it tonight. “Yeah.” 

He shakes his head and mutters something you don’t catch and kicks the car into gear. Before long, you are flying down a two lane road you didn’t even know existed. The wind starts to pick up with the top of the car down, blasting your face. Though your nose is still stuffed from crying, the air fills your lungs, tasting like dead leaves and unnatural warmth courtesy of climate change. For the first time tonight, you can breathe. 

.

.

The clock reads just shy of 1 am by the time the car stops. As soon as the rumbling engine cuts out, another noise takes over, drowning everything else out. Crashes too rhythmic to be thunder, the blows softened by tall dunes illuminated by the car’s headlights that Joshua didn’t turn off. 

Soonyoung turns to you with a grin. “Ready to have some fun?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, jumping out of the car instead of opening the door, ignoring Joshua’s shout. He sprints toward the crashing waves. 

Joshua shakes his head, opening his door and ushering you out from the back. He even closes the door behind you, folding his arms over his chest and walking slowly to the beach with you. The headlights cut out but the moon and stars shine enough to see where the boardwalk ends and the sand begins. Soonyoung’s movement gives him away more than any light, running alongside the water and dancing with the tide. 

You clear your throat. The ride cleared your head enough for you to feel properly embarrassed about meeting someone right after sobbing. You shudder to imagine how terrible you looked when he first picked you up, clinging to Soonyoung like he was the only thing keeping you alive. A blush forms just at the thought of it. 

“So, you do this often?” You ask. 

“Do something truly insane because of Soonyoung? All the time.” Joshua laughs. “We don’t usually end up this far away though, and usually someone’s life is in imminent danger.” 

“That doesn’t surprise me,” you say, watching Soonyoung strip his socks and shoes off and toss them behind him. One sock gets caught in the wind and blows back toward you and Joshua. 

Joshua stops before the two of you can catch up to him. You turn to look at him. It’s difficult to read his expression in the moonlight but he frowns like he’s not sure he should say something. Eventually he says, “I’m going for a walk down the boardwalk.” He glances at Soonyoung, then back at you and smiles. “Have fun with him.” 

You watch him turn around and trudge back up the sand, wondering if all of Soonyoung’s friends are this strange. Maybe it’s just being in a frat. You grab Soonyoung’s sock and set it with his shoes, smiling when he turns around and waves like a maniac. 

“It’s the ocean!” He shouts over the crashes. 

“You’re soaked!” You shout back. He glances down and apparently finally realizes his shirt is wet, clinging to his shoulders already. He strides back toward you, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer. 

“My shoes are not coming off!” You warn him. 

“Just come closer!” He says. “It’s amazing!” You stand with him at the edge of the water, watching it rise in the darkness and draw closer and closer. It crashes on the sand first, a violent move, kicking up wet sand and mixing it with white water. The frothy white water creeps forward, until you have to dance backward. Soonyoung stays in the water, letting it wash around his feet. 

“It feels better like this,” he says. 

“My feet are covered in enough sand,” you say, though he does look like he’s having fun. The water must be freezing this time of the year–it would feel so nice running over your skin. But you’d end up with wet socks and even more sand in your shoes to clean out. 

Soonyoung holds out his hand. “You’d like this.” 

You chew on your lip. Normally you’d laugh in his face and say ‘not a chance.’ But normalcy has never been running three hours away to the beach in the middle of the night when you have class at 9 in the morning. You pull off the sneakers without untying them and pull your socks off, setting them next to Soonyoung’s and joining him at the edge of the water. His hand isn’t out by the time you return but he slips it into yours when you join his side. 

Another wave crashes and you watch the water creep forward, faster than you expect it to be–and you’re right, it’s freezing, but Soonyoung’s right too, it sends an icy shock throughout your body that sends a tingly rush up from your toes to every nerve in your body, setting them on fire. You squeeze his hand and laugh. 

“Good?” He asks.

“I love it.” 

You don’t know how long you stand there, holding onto Soonyoung’s hand and letting the water wash over you. After a few waves, it doesn’t feel cold anymore. You stand until your feet are buried in wet sand, each wave sending you lower and lower. 

“My feet are freezing,” Soonyoung eventually says. 

“Mine, too.” You lift your feet reluctantly, already missing the coarse sand and cold water. You have to let go of Soonyoung’s hand to put on your socks and shoes, shuddering at all the sand in your socks. The cotton became damp from sitting too close to the water, your shoes faring the same. Yet you don’t regret a second of it. 

You stand up and stretch, feeling your spine pop. When you turn back around, you almost scream. You manage to contain it to a gasp, a wheezing Soonyoung’s name. He blinks at you innocently, like he isn’t standing in front of you with his shirt in his hand. 

“What are you doing?” You choke out. 

“We’re at the beach,” he says. “I have to take pictures.” 

“And you need to take off your shirt for that?” 

“Why? Does it bother you?” He smirks. 

Muscles have never been a selling point for you. The “people” you’ve crushed on have all been smart or kind, crushes of intellect rather than bodies. His toned abs, sculpted shoulders, the way his body curves gently as he allows you to stare at him–normally it wouldn’t get to you at all (other than the embarrassment of being this close to a shirtless man for the first time in a long time). But it’s not just the muscles. It’s Soonyoung, your Soonyoung who calls you at four in the morning to tell you about the movie he just finished and is too endearing for you to truly be annoyed at. It’s the Soonyoung that gets lost in the Engineering building even as a senior. It’s the Soonyoung that drags you to the beach in the middle of the night just to make you smile. Yes, it bothers you. No one should be this incredible and hot. 

“No,” you mumble, failing to convince yourself of the lie. 

Soonyoung seems to be done teasing you, dropping his shirt into your hands. He walks a little closer to the waves, apparently not bothered by the chilly ocean breeze. He starts to pose, then raises his eyebrows. “Aren’t you going to take pictures?” 

“Where’s your phone?”

“The camera’s broken,” he says. “Just use yours and you can send them to me.” He continues to pose, flexing his arms as subtly as he can which isn’t particularly subtle (though the muscles are even more impressive in person). You are tempted to reach out and feel the tension, before you realize you are staring again. 

You numb to Soonyoung in this half-dressed state as you take the pictures. The frat must have a professional photographer or something, because Soonyoung knows how to pose. Despite some of the angles and positions seeming awkward, each picture comes out as if from a photoshoot. He only gives you a few instructions on taking pictures, and compliments you way beyond your talents. 

“Just like that!” Soonyoung says, breaking his model face to grin at you. “You’re really good at this.” 

“You can’t even see the pictures,” you say. You bite your lips so you don’t smile. Apparently that doesn’t matter, because he keeps posing. It’s a good thing you just upgraded your phone storage because you estimate at least a thousand pictures are taken for each pose. 

“Are you guys done?” You jump at the voice next to you. Apparently Joshua returned from his walk, sneaking up using the crashing waves as cover. “We should head back soon if you want to make your morning classes.” 

“Definitely want to,” you say. You haven’t gotten any work done, but that’s no excuse to skip class. Soonyoung pouts but doesn’t argue. 

“Perfect!” Joshua claps his hands together. He shoves you toward Soonyoung and grabs your phone. “One more picture together and we’ll go.”

Being at a distance worked perfectly fine but those muscles have you frozen in place again. Soonyoung throws an arm over your shoulders and grins like you do this all the time. His biceps press through your jacket, the flex of the muscle exactly as you imagined it, not that it stops your heart from thundering. 

You can’t help but steal a glance at Soonyoung. Despite feeling like you’ll malfunction at any second, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. Soonyoung’s features look soft this close, even the sharp cut of his jawline. You want to study every line of his face, each curve, memorize it until the way his lips slowly curl into a smile is carved into your heart. Spending the rest of your life here doesn’t seem too bad. 

“Let’s go,” Joshua says, breaking whatever magic froze time for you. You are left with cold toes and sand in your sneakers as you march up the dune and back to Joshua’s car. 

“I just cleaned it,” he groans, looking at all the sand you and Soonyoung tracked in. 

You mumble an apology but when you try to offer to clean it for him, he shakes his head. “Nobody touches my baby.” 

You glance at Soonyoung, who followed you into the backseat again. He rolls his eyes at Joshua, smiling in a way that you know means he isn’t serious. You smile back at him and click your seatbelt into place. 

“Address?” Joshua asks, handing you his phone. You punch it in and hand the phone back. 3 hours and sixteen minutes. 

Joshua whistles, seeing the arrival time of 4:53. “Remind me never to do this again.” 

“The beach was your idea,” Soonyoung says. His words slur a little. 

“Just go to sleep already,” Joshua says. The engine rumbles on and he pulls away from the empty boardwalk. 

“‘m not even tired,” Soonyoung says, fighting a yawn. He slouches and leans against the headrest, rolling his head to look at you. “You have class in the morning?” 

“Not until nine.” 

“That’s good.” He doesn’t succeed in fighting the yawn this time. His blinks become longer and longer, eyes closing more than opening. It’s like watching the energizer bunny shut down. 

“Soonyoung?” 

He opens his eyes and you think maybe he’d wait for the rest of his life for you to say something. 

“Thank you.” 

“Always.” He smiles lazily. “I swore I’d do anything.” 

His sworn loyalty. It should be fun, having a boy like him dedicated to fulfilling your wishes. But what would it be like if he wasn’t sworn to you? If he did these kinds of things just because he wants to? 

You didn’t think you were tired but the next thing you know, Soonyoung gently shakes you awake. 

“We’re here,” he says in a quiet, very un-Soonyoung voice. 

You blink at him, trying to figure out why your neck hurts so much, frowning at the unfamiliar surroundings. From the rear view mirror, Joshua watches you. Right, instead of writing your essay, doing the problem sets, or any of the readings, you went to the beach. You wait for the guilt to set in but it doesn’t come. None of the anxieties from earlier in the evening (the technical part of your brain reminds you it was the night before) overwhelm you. 

“Right,” you say, clearing your throat. Your mouth tastes nasty but before you can say anything, Soonyoung hands you a water bottle. You take a sip before saying thank you. 

Soonyoung unbuckles his seatbelt. “I’ll walk you up.” 

You nod, grateful you don’t have to ask him. The night has been a full adventure on its own yet you aren’t quite ready for it to be over. At least you aren’t ready to say goodbye to Soonyoung. 

There’s still something you want to tell him. You want to tell him that you like his blonde hair, even though everyone else thinks it’s ridiculous. You want to tell him that you lied earlier, you nearly lost your mind seeing him shirtless. You want to tell him that you feel proud when he gets the right answer on the first try, that you think his concentration frown is cute, that you’ve never enjoyed studying like you do when he’s by your side. You want to tell him that on your worst days, days like today, just being Soonyoung makes it better. 

But you learned a long time ago tired ramblings and drunk confessions are siblings. They both end in heartbreak and twelve packs of ramen. 

So you ride the elevator with him and watch the lights flicker. You never cared when Jihoon brought his friends (well, Jun) over, but the carpets that look dirty no matter how many times they’re cleaned and beige walls are even worse tonight. You can stand to live in a boring apartment, but not a dirty one. 

“This is me,” you say, gesturing to 808. You turn your back on the door, facing Soonyoung instead. He looks radiant under the fluorescent hallway lights, which really isn’t fair. They make his bleach blonde hair look natural, highlight the blemishes on his skin, easy to see when he’s this close. 

You should go inside and he should go back down but neither of you move. For the second time tonight, you are frozen in time with Soonyoung. 

The floor creaks and you jump, turning around at the same time, accidentally knocking into Soonyoung’s chest as you turn to face the noise behind you. Jihoon, gym bag over his shoulder, frowns at you across the hallway. 

“Are you seriously just getting back now?” 

Shit. You never texted him. “Um, Jihoon, this is Soonyoung,” you say. He waves behind you. “Soonyoung, Jihoon.” 

Jihoon folds his arms. “I’ve heard about you.” You glare at him, which he ignores. “You’re taking the LSAT on a dare?” 

“You’re the one that wants to be a music producer?” 

Jihoon raises his eyebrows and looks at you. “You’ve mentioned me?” 

“Only the worst,” you say, smiling at him. 

“I thought you were at the library all night?” Jihoon says. 

“We went on an adventure,” you say. You show him your sandy shoes. He raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. It’s clear he knows he interrupted something, but the stubborn asshole doesn’t move. 

You turn back to Soonyoung. “Goodnight,” you say, resisting the urge to hug him. 

“It’s morning,” Jihoon says. 

“Goodnight,” Soonyoung says, glancing at Jihoon. He pauses and fidgets with the hem of his shirt but finally gives you a half hug that feels more like a bro hug than anything else. He disappears into the elevator then pops his head out a final time “Send me the photos!” 

You turn to Jihoon. “I forgot to text you.” 

“I figured I’d wait until the morning to call,” he said. “Even if you were kidnapped there’s still a 90% chance you’d figure out a way to show up for class on time.” He turns the key in the lock and strides into the apartment. You’re too tired to argue back, especially when he’s right, so you just follow him into the apartment. 

“I like him,” Jihoon says before you vanish into your room. 

“Should I find you a wedding dress?” You say. “Soonyoung is single.” 

Jihoon rolls his eyes and grabs a protein shake from the fridge. “Why do I even bother?” 

You don’t wait for him to leave first, peeling your shoes off in the entryway where you can sweep up the sand and practically fall into your room. It’s race to change into an old t-shirt before you collapse onto your bed. 

You set an alarm for 8:30 and check fifty times to make sure it’s actually set. Then you open your camera roll, shaking your head at the countless pictures. You choose twenty non-blurry ones before your eyes start to droop. You scroll to the bottom and click on the pictures Joshua took. Soonyoung grins for the camera, his easy smile as captivating on your phone as it is in person. You are staring at him, a soft smile on your lips and hearts practically bugging out of your eyes. It’s so ridiculously obvious how you feel. You send him his thirst traps and keep that picture for yourself. 

It takes a week for you to realize Soonyoung never posted the pictures. 

.

.

The weight of the world has the decency to wait until you’re home to fall on your shoulders. You hold your keys up and can’t push it into the lock. If you didn’t do well today, it means the past two months have been a complete waste–all the studying, the assignments you got low grades on because you were studying, the nights you spent at your desk–wasted and doomed to repeat. 

All but the time you spent with Soonyoung. Even if you fail (again), he should at least score decently, and you can’t consider that a complete waste. 

You raise your key to insert it into the lock but the door flies open. Jihoon glares at you, arms folded over his chest. “What the hell is taking you so long, your boyfriend is here.”  

You peer past him and find Soonyoung lounging on the couch, feet resting on the coffee table. He sits up when he sees you, grinning and waving. You wonder if he’s been there since you told him you were finished. You make a mental note to get Jihoon his favorite protein shakes. 

“How did you know I was here?” 

“Me and your boyfriend heard you shaking your keys in front of the door for like twenty minutes,” Jihoon says.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you mutter, praying Soonyoung didn’t hear either of you. You push past Jihoon, letting him lock the door behind you. Soonyoung jumps off the couch as soon as you drop your bag, almost tackling you in a hug. You pretend not to hear Jihoon’s scoff as he locks himself in his room again. 

“How’d it go?” He asks, squeezing you one more time before letting go. You try not to feel disappointed about it. “I mean, I know you did amazing, but how do you feel? Was the room super hot or super cold? Did the proctor give you the evil eye when you turned in your paper because they were secretly trying to sabotage you?” 

“No?” You frown. “And the room was fine, I felt pretty good about it, but I felt good last time, so I don’t really know, I just really don’t want to take it again.” You sigh. “I know you want to know as many details as possible for your test, but I really, really don’t want to think about it right now.” 

Soonyoung grins and pulls out a package of White Claws and a bottle of vodka from a plastic bag that you just noticed sitting on your coffee table. “That’s perfect because I brought a gift from the whole frat.” 

“That seems pretty on brand,” you say. 

“And a gift from me.” He digs again and pulls out a DVD. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. 

“You’re kidding.” You say. “I think I have to be drunk to watch that.” 

“You don’t have faith in my taste in movies?” Soonyoung asks but he pops open the first drink and slips something shaped concerningly like a knife out of his pocket and stabs the can, chugging it before it can really spill on your carpet. Before you can register what he did, he tosses the empty can on the coffee table, immediately scrambling to straighten it. “Sorry, force of habit.” 

“Soonyoung, I don’t think I can keep up with you,” you say, sitting slowly onto the couch. 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m a lightweight,” he says. “I definitely should not have chugged that.” 

“I guess I better catch up,” you say, unscrewing the vodka and pouring a shot in the little paper cups that Soonyoung brought. The acrid scent curls your lip but you knock it back as fast as you can, forcing it down when you miss the back of your throat and it burns your tongue. Soonyoung hands you a can, the lime flavored seltzer pushing the nasty flavor out of your mouth. 

“Yeah, I’m terrible at that,” you say. 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I’m not one to judge. You should have seen me as a pledge.” 

You grin at the mental image of Soonyoung wearing a fake toga made of bedsheets. “I bet you were adorable.” You take another sip of the drink (which tastes significantly worse when you aren’t comparing it to straight vodka) and miss Soonyoung scrambling for words. 

“I can’t drink this,” you declare, setting the can down. You cross the room to the fridge, opening it and studying the contents. Soonyoung follows you, resting his chin on the door and glancing inside. 

“Jihoon does most of the cooking,” you say, feeling self-conscious. Not much populates your fridge, a package of chicken breast and a carton of eggs. A couple containers of take out that are either two days or two weeks old sit in front, and the drawer of fruit that is filled with apples from Jihoon’s mother definitely smells funny. 

“I live in a frat house, this is heaven.” 

You flash him a smile and grab the orange juice, shaking it as you grab a glass from the cabinet (thank god Jihoon did the dishes last night). Soonyoung follows you back to the couch and waits for you to pour a glass and add two shots of vodka. You raise the glass and he takes your rejected White Claw and clinks it. 

“Cheers,” he says, sipping this one instead of chugging it. He sets it down and leans against the armrest so that he can face you. “How did you meet Jihoon, by the way? He seems like a pretty reserved dude.”

“Yeah, sorry if he was short with you, he isn’t half as mean as he pretends to be,” you say. 

“We actually talked a lot.” He pauses, tilting his head as he thinks about it. “Well, a lot about working out. I think I could turn him into my gym buddy with enough pressure.” 

“I would pay to see that,” you say. Jihoon tried to bring you to the gym exactly once, and you have regretted it ever since. The soreness haunts you, but you think Soonyoung might be one of the few people on the planet that could keep up with him with those arms. 

“I didn’t know you were into that,” Soonyoung says with a giggle. You roll your eyes. 

“You know for a fact that’s not what I meant,” you say, “and to answer your question, we lived in the same dorm freshman year. He was next door, and both our roommates were psychotic, so we ended up trading. We’ve been living together ever since because I’m the only one that can put up with his annoying ass. Also he cooks and keeps me alive during finals.” 

“I can’t believe I was a dorm assignment away from living with you.” Soonyoung shakes his head and pretends to sigh. “Fate isn’t on my side.” 

“Don’t you live in a frat house?” 

“Semantics,” Soonyoung says. He pauses. “Semen-tics.” He starts to laugh and though the joke is far from funny, you find yourself giggling too. 

“You’re drunk,” you say. 

Soonyoung points at you. “I’m pretty sure you’re drunk too.” 

You tilt your head from side to side, trying to think at first but the motion feels nice, toeing the line between dizzying and comfortable. Right, you were checking if you were drunk. You have your answer, but you don’t want to stop spinning just yet. 

“Do you really want to be a lawyer?” Soonyoung asks. You freeze with your head on your right shoulder, frowning at him. “I mean, like, how do you know?” 

“It makes good money,” you say. “Well, corporate law does. Everything going according to plan, I’ll be out of debt before I’m thirty, retiring at 65.” 

“But how do you know that’s what you want?” Soonyoung asks. You wonder if he’s asking you or himself. You think about the first day you met him. 

It was the first day of your sophomore year, 8 in the morning in the worst classroom in the Armhayer Building at the end of a dead end hallway with no windows. The business program had a required career building course and some cruel administrator decided to make the other available class clash with the other required business class for the year, so half the class was people you were stuck with for the full year. Despite its reputation, the business school at the university seemed to only accept idiots. 

You settled for a long semester of biting back your eye rolls and yawning through class, choosing a seat in the front so that at least you won’t have to look at anyone else. And for fifteen minutes, you struggled to keep your eyes open. 

Then Soonyoung walked in. 

He was out of breath, telling the professor that he got lost several times and someone gave him the wrong directions. You didn’t really pay attention to him until he dropped into the seat next to you. Fully prepared to give him a side eye and judge him for the rest of the semester, Soonyoung flashed a smile at you and apologized for disrupting you. He was so obviously not your type, yet when his head dropped on your shoulder, you didn’t wake him up. Two classes later when the professor told the class that you would be in a semester-long partner project, you didn’t hesitate to say yes when Soonyoung asked you. 

Soonyoung hadn’t ever taken the class seriously, going through the motions and doing the bare minimum for most of the assignments. You never paid any attention to it, but you realize that he never actually told you what he planned to do with his life, always asking you what you planned to do with your copious amounts of money. Now you wonder if it was because he really doesn’t know. 

“I want stability,” you finally say. “This plan is stable. Safe, as long as everything goes according to plan. I guess it’s not as cool as dreaming about being an astronaut or whatever, but it’s what I want.” 

“I think it’s cool. Knowing what you want to do.” Soonyoung says with little enthusiasm. 

“You don’t have any idea?” 

He shrugs. “I have to be smart to do the things I want to do.” 

“You are smart.” 

“You don’t have to pander to me, I’m not looking for your pity.” 

“Soonyoung.” You wait for him to look you in the eyes. “You are smart. This isn’t pity. Sure it takes you a little longer to read things, and you have to work a little harder to answer some questions, but that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. You’re just as capable as me, more capable when it comes to emotional intelligence. Have you ever noticed that wherever you go, someone is always waving to you? I don’t think there’s a single person in this world that doesn’t like you. Don’t downplay how important that is.” 

He chews on his lip and you know he doesn’t believe you. How many people have told him he’s dumb? You want to drag every single one of them here and make them apologize, make them realize how special the boy in front of you is. Eventually he shrugs. “I’ll just end up being an intern, and then I’ll be so charming they’ll promote me without realizing I don’t know what I’m doing and I’ll become a CEO that pays people to do the job for me.” 

You smile and shake your head. “We can vacation together in the Bahamas.” 

“Please, that’s where the semi-rich people go,” Soonyoung says, lifting his head from the back of the couch. “We’ll have our own islands and sail past each other.” This time when he smiles, the sparkle glints, just a little. His bleach blonde hair sticks in strange angles from rubbing against the couch, looking a little like a fuzzball. You reach a hand out and pat it down, except the hair is fried from being bleached so many times and almost breaks under your hand. 

When you pull your hand down, Soonyoung is staring at you. Except staring isn’t the right word. He looks at you like no one else ever has, a thousand unsaid words behind his eyes, a language like no other that maybe only you can understand. Those dark eyes, so soft and warm, begging you to drown in them. He’s a siren, luring you in with a song of desire that only you can hear. 

You don’t realize you’ve leaning closer until you fall forward, catching yourself on his chest. Soonyoung’s hand flies to your waist, moving so fast it must have been reflex. 

“Sorry,” you mutter but you don’t get off him. Resisting his eyes from this close is impossible. Soonyoung blinks at you, frozen. It occurs to you that you’re almost kissing him. All you have to do is lean forward, press your lips against his. Would his lips be chapped? Would he kiss you back? Would he make fun of you for being a terrible kisser? You hold your breath, wondering if you are about to find out. 

You jump at the bang of a door slamming shut. You push off Soonyoung’s chest, back to your side of the couch until your back slams against the armrest. The pain is almost enough to sober you up and you realize exactly what you were about to do. You can’t bear to look at Soonyoung staring at you so you look at Jihoon instead, who doesn’t seem to realize that he interrupted anything by walking into the kitchen, headphones blasting music so loud that you can hear it. He grabs one of the takeout containers from the fridge and finally notices you and Soonyoung staring at him. 

“What?” He shouts over his headphones. You shake your head and he stares at you all the way back to his room, slamming the door shut behind him with enough force to make you jump again. 

“We should probably start the movie,” you say, turning to face forward, anywhere but Soonyoung. “I’ll get my laptop.” He doesn’t say anything but you can feel Soonyoung’s eyes on you as you jump up. Ignoring the spinning in your head, you walk to your room. You lean against the door as soon as it shuts behind you, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. 

You wish you could blame the idiocy on the alcohol, but you aren’t drunk enough for that. Besides, regardless of the reason, it was a mistake, it would be a mistake, to kiss Soonyoung. No matter how badly you want to do it. 

Your computer sits on your desk. The longer it takes for you to get back, the stranger it will be, so you grab it and return to the couch. Dizziness gives you an excuse to peer at the floor, perfectly valid reason to avoid Soonyoung’s eyes. 

“Are you ready to have your mind blown?” He asks when you insert the DVD into your laptop. 

You raise your eyebrows but still don’t have the courage to face him. “It’s that good?” 

Soonyoung laughs easily, as if nothing happened. “You have no idea what you’re in for.” 

You peek at him from the corner of your eye. He faces the computer, sitting back against the couch. Other than his red tinted cheeks, you can’t tell he’s drunk at all. You have no idea what you’re in for, he said. He has no idea how right he is. 

.

.

You hold Soonyoung by the shoulders, staring him down. Your eyes begin to water but you hold them open, determined not to lose. Soonyoung squints, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. You just have to hold out a little longer, but your eyes begin to ache and the air pierces into them. 

“Damn!” Soonyoung cries, throwing himself back onto the couch and squeezing his eyes shut. You let go of his shoulders and resist the urge to rub your eyes, settling for blinking as fast as humanly possible. Your eyes burn but you smile anyways, wiping tears away with the back of your hand. 

“How are you so good at that?” Soonyoung asks. He gives into the impulse, hands pressed against his eyes. 

“I’m really not, I think you’re just bad at staring contests,” you say. “Now hurry up, you lost so you have to answer.” 

He sighs as if he didn’t beg you to help him study. With only a day before his test, you’re not sure how much this is really helping, but at least he isn’t partying with the rest of his frat (who do a pre-finals bar crawl, apparently). Instead, Soonyoung is on your couch, again. You try not to think about the last time he was here. Not productive thoughts, especially not when Soonyoung is one day away from taking the most important test of his life. 

“Is it B?” 

“Are you asking or telling?” 

“I hate when you say that.” He peers at the paper, eyes moving slowly as he rereads the line. “No, it’s C! Wait, no, B. No, A!” 

“Pick an answer.” 

He chews on his lip. You have to force yourself to keep your focus on his eyes. “B,” he finally says. 

You’re tempted to drag it out and make him wait but he puts on the Soonyoung Sparkle so you go ahead and nod. 

“I knew it! Trust your gut!” 

“You’re quoting me now.” You pretend to wipe tears from the corner of your eyes. “You’ve grown up so quickly.”  

If it were Jihoon, he’d roll his eyes but Soonyoung perks up, as if you’ve given him a real compliment. He pauses before asking his next question, eyes flickering to the papers separating you from him. 

“You really think I’ll do well?” He asks softly. 

You study him, the way his unnaturally blonde hair has been strategically gelled to stick up in all the right places, the way his plain white t-shirt hangs loose on his shoulders. You wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror because the way he sits now, waiting for an answer as if you’d actually say no, breaks your heart a little. He really has no idea how brilliant he is, in every sense of the word. You don’t know how to make him see it so you just take his hand and wait for him to look you in the eyes. 

The second the glittering dark irises meet yours, you see the desperation. He tries to smile, to hide the fear but Soonyoung has always been easy to read. You fight the urge to brush your fingers against his cheek. 

“Soonyoung.” You squeeze his hand. What you feel isn’t a passing crush, you’ve known that for a while now. Admitting it doesn’t give you the bravery to do anything except pull the shield of cowardice around your heart a little tighter. “I’d be an idiot if I said I didn’t.” 

He holds your gaze a little longer, until it almost looks like he believes you. Then his eyes light up. “I have a surprise for you!” 

He digs into his backpack, pulling out a blanket (not the one he used when it was still warm enough to sit outside in the grass), a plastic water bottle half-full of bright green liquid, three crumpled flyers for events on campus, and finally, a small rectangular item, carefully wrapped in paper towels. 

“I was a little worried it would get damaged in my backpack,” he says. “I really, really tried to walk gently and didn’t bring it near any coffee.” 

You choose not to point out the unnatural liquid in the plastic water bottle, instead appreciating his efforts to protect whatever your surprise is. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t try. He carefully pulls the paper towels off, revealing a navy blue leather bound book with gilded lettering. Not just any book. 

“You got it back?” You cry. Soonyoung pulls the rest of the paper towels off to reveal the intricate design on the cover, the golden pages, with Pride and Prejudice inscribed on the spine. “My baby!” 

You hover over the book, not wanting to ruin it with the dirt and oils from your hands but so desperately wanting to caress the beautiful book. It’s just as you remember it, down to the tiny dent on the front cover where you accidentally knocked it against a railing. You can’t wait to put it back on your bookshelf where there has been an empty space ever since Jun managed to snag it. You remember Soonyoung is there when you hear his laughter. 

“You like it that much?” 

“Of course,” you say. “It’s my baby.” 

“It’s a book.” But he smiles and you know he’s just teasing. So you figure, why not? 

You throw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. His frat-bro instincts must take charge because he doesn’t hesitate to hug you back, pulling you against his chest and squeezing you like he’s the one getting a gift. 

“Thank you,” you say. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

“This is my thank you,” he says. You can feel his voice rumbling in his chest, a strange sensation that sends butterflies tumbling around between your stomach and your heart. “It’s the least I could do for you. 

The awkward position isn’t exactly comfortable, twisting your body to face him with your shoulder overtop of his forcing your face into his neck but you don’t want to let go. You give yourself five more thundering heartbeats before you let go, turning to study your book again so you have an excuse to avoid his eyes. 

“How did you get it back?” 

“Same way you lost it,” Soonyoung says. “I made a bet.” 

“On what?” 

Soonyoung shrugs, turning to look at the book that still sits in his lip. He gently places it into yours, using the paper towels to prevent smudging with his fingers. 

You frown. “How? Jun is in another hemisphere.” 

“Don’t underestimate the power of video calls and express shipping,” Soonyoung says. “By the way, I’m wearing your friends down. Pretty soon they’ll like me more than they like you. 

“Oh really?” You raise your eyebrow. You ignore the vole gnawing at your gut whispering that he might just be right. 

“I got Jihoon to go to the gym with me and I got him to admit I was friends with you before he was,” he says, holding a finger out. “Jun says that he wants to meet me the second he returns to the country.” A second finger goes up. “Who else can I add to the list?” 

He’s only joking. He doesn’t mean it the way it sounds, but your skin wants to crawl inside out. The truth is, they are pretty much your only friends. Jihoon, Jun, and Soonyoung, the latter two having wormed their way into your life. My only friends. 

“You’ve got to start going on the offensive,” Soonyoung says. He avoids your eyes and you know he didn’t miss your discomfort. Great, now he pities you. “I’m serious, Seokmin and Joshua have been asking about you, and Seungcheol keeps complaining that he hasn’t met you yet.” 

You snort. “They’re frat bros, they just want more people to party with.” 

“I’m a frat bro,” he says. 

“Yeah, but…” But what? He’s Soonyoung? Once again, you wonder why he is so different to you–why the epitome of frat boy chaos doesn’t repulse you like he should. But he isn’t some one-dimensional steroid-infused party boy, not the type to bully the freshman trying to join just because he can. He gets drunk after two shots and makes his pledges follow him for 24 hours a day as “hazing,” only to take them for a dinner he can’t afford and skips his own classes so they don’t miss theirs. 

He’s not a typical frat boy. But Soonyoung loves his frat, and you can’t find a way to tell him this without making it sound like you are looking down on the rest of the members. 

So you just say, “Isn’t this supposed to be a study session?” 

Soonyoung sighs, pulling the book in front of him and staring at the words. Even though you can see that he isn’t reading, he doesn’t say anything else. 

“Your test is tomorrow,” you say. 

“Yeah, I know.” He doesn’t pick up the pencil. 

You’ve never struggled to read Soonyoung. He can’t hide when he’s upset, shoulders slumping, a little pout forming over his lips. He doesn’t fully frown but his eyebrows comes together, just a bit. And it’s usually easy to figure out what’s wrong–he’s tired, or wants to be at a party instead of studying. But now? He was fine just a moment ago, even while he was cramming earlier. 

“Is something wrong?” You don’t know why you’re so scared of the answer. 

“I just thought that… nNever mind.” He sighs again. “You’re right, this is a study session. I should be studying.” He doesn’t look at you and you can’t help but feel like you messed up. But Soonyoung eventually picks up his pencil and asks you to check his answers and the feeling slowly fades. 

Will the rest of your feelings fade when you aren’t with him like this anymore? When he takes his test and has no reason to see you every day? Will your heart still beat at the mention of his name? Will you spend the rest of your life thinking about all the almosts with him? Or will it fade until Soonyoung is just a boy that you helped because of a silly bet?

Even as you consider it, you know the answer. He isn’t just a boy, and he never will be. Maybe that’s what really scares you. 

.

.

You glare at Soonyoung. “Do you know what time it is?” 

Jihoon glances at his watch. “7:43.” 

Soonyoung grins beside him, arm over his shoulder. Both boys stand in your bedroom doorway looking far too composed for this ungodly hour. 

“It’s a Saturday.” Just two minutes ago you were in blissful sleep. Okay, maybe not blissful, since you stayed up until three in the morning because you couldn’t fall asleep, and you were having a weird dream where you were looking for something and ended up by the stadium staring at a giant duck statue instead of the raven. But the point is you were asleep until two fists banged on your door so loud you thought it was going to fall apart. 

You can’t even be that mad at Soonyoung, not when he smiles like that. So you glare at Jihoon.

“Honestly, I figured you would be up,” he says. “You were the one that said you didn’t think you were going to get any sleep.” 

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung says. “I really just wanted to help distract you for the last hour.” Right. The last hour until your entire future would be determined by a triple digit number. No biggie. 

“Let me get dressed,” you say. They step back before you have the chance to slam the door in their face. You’d like to be able to dress up nicely, but you’re already shivering, so you grab your comfiest sweatpants and the sweatshirt Soonyoung lent you (that still smells like his cologne). You dart into the bathroom and meet the two boys in the doorway of the apartment, pulling on your sneakers. 

You pull the hood over your messy hair and tighten the strings. Soonyoung grins at you and taps your nose. 

“Ready to go?” 

“How did you get out of bed this early?” 

“Oh, I never got in,” he says. “Long story, but we gotta go, they won’t wait much longer.” 

“They?” You ask but Soonyoung doesn’t hear you. He turns to Jihoon, waving. 

“See you tomorrow!” He says, throwing an arm over your shoulders to pull you out the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” 

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” But he looks at you and smiles. “It’ll be fine.” Before you can thank him, he shuts the door. 

Soonyoung doesn’t let go of your side, pulling you to the elevators and squeezing you against him. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I should be asleep.” 

Soonyoung smiles, as if your grumpiness is funny. You decide it’s moot since there’s no way you could fall asleep now that you are an hour and seven minutes away from finding out the results of your future. 

“I figured I’d save you from wallowing in worry,” Soonyoung says. “We can do fun things while we wait. I planned out the whole morning, we have options! There’s going to the gym, or for a job around campus, breaking into the science lab and petting the rabbits, going to Barb’s for breakfast–”

“Breakfast,” you say. You aren’t a huge fan of getting in trouble with the college when you have just over a semester before graduation and though you aren’t sure if your stomach will accept food, working out is a guarantee for throwing up. Besides, a hot cup of coffee could clear a little of the fog in your brain. 

“Barb’s it is,” Soonyoung says, practically bouncing on his toes. He really seems to only have two settings, and today he’s at 120%. 

He lets go of your side when the elevator opens and you step to the ground floor of your apartment. You rub your arms and pretend like the chill is from the weather even though the lobby is still warm. He holds the door for you pretending to be a doorman, bowing and gesturing with his arm for you to pass. You turn so that he doesn’t see that the silly gesture made you smile. 

Parked outside is a white jeep that looks larger than normal, and is apparently the asshole that’s been blasting their music for the past ten minutes. You aren’t surprised in the slightest when Soonyoung strides up to the car.  

“I don’t have a car,” he says, belatedly apologetic. The two men in the front seat don’t seem to mind, though you suspect they have been up all night along with Soonyoung as soon as the door opens and you hear their voices singing off-tune over the blasting music. 

“Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away,” The driver cries, using a water bottle as a mic. You recognize Seungcheol from Soonyoung’s descriptions, half from his voice and half from the back of his head. The person riding shotgun is also familiar, a mess of dark hair that must be Joshua. He doesn’t look much different in daylight, sunglasses resting on his forehead. Thankfully they turn the music down a little and stop singing when you get it. 

Seungcheol grins at you through the mirror. “So I finally get to meet the infamous YN. You know, you still haven’t shown up to any parties.” 

“I’ve been busy,” you say, glancing at Soonyoung who focuses a little too much on his seatbelt. 

“Hi, YN,” the passenger up front says, waving at you through the rearview mirror. 

“Joshua,” you say. “Get into life and death scenarios with Soonyoung recently?” 

“Well, Soonyoung jumped out of a car window.” He pauses. “It wasn’t moving,” he adds when Seungcheol jerks his head towards him. “Though I wouldn’t put it past him.” 

“I have done it before,” Soonyoung says solemnly. It takes him a moment to realize everyone is staring at him. “It was a dare.” 

“Why am I not surprised,” Seungcheol grumbles, turning back around and putting the car into drive. Though you were thinking something along the same lines, the way Soonyoung deflates a little makes you wish Seungcheol hadn’t said anything. 

The rest of the drive is quiet–at least in terms of conversation. Seungcheol cranks his stereo up to the loudest setting and blasts the Spice Girls until Joshua starts singing along. Apparently car karaoke for “Wannabe” is sacrilegious to the frat leader. 

You can hear yourself think again when the car pulls into the parking lot and he finally cuts the engine. A few cars line the parking lot of the 24 hour diner that sits on the outskirts of campus. The giant neon red Barb’s that hangs over the entrance flickers in the cloudy morning light teeters the line between quaint and electrical fire waiting to happen. 

The workers, a host and three waitresses, wave at the boys, and do a double take at you. You swear you hear the host whisper “Is that really them?” to Joshua as he leads the group to a table in the corner but Soonyoung distracts you with the menu. 

“I had this thing memorized since freshman year, I can’t believe you’ve never been here. The pancakes are my favorite for hangover cures, not that I’m hungover by the way, I’m actually running on my third energy drink.” He taps the picture, a golden stack of perfectly fluffy pancakes that can only be photoshop. 

“Aren’t energy drinks bad for your heart?” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “Joshua invented this to get through finals, you mix Red Bull, Bang, and Coke and it keeps you up for three days straight. Great for when you’re nervous because you physically have to do something about it.” 

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” you say. “Wait, why are you nervous?” 

“Your test results come out today,” he says too quickly.  

You consider debating with him but a waitress approaches, wearing a fifties frock and a high ponytail with a ribbon that probably looked like a bow at the start of her shift but has drooped down and now just looks sad. Her face is a mask of emotions, not a smile, not a frown, just emptiness, a contrast to the button clipped to her collar making her “Happy.” 

“The usual?” She asks, pausing at you. She tilts her head and you can see the mask twisting at the edges, a frown almost forming on her brow. She glances at Soonyoung. “Is this who I think it is?” 

“Who do you think it is?” Soonyoung asks at the same time that Joshua and Seungcheol say, “Yes.” 

The corner of Happy’s lips turn into a tiny smile that seems to be her equivalent of a grin. “I’ve heard so much about you.” 

“Okay, haha, very funny,” Soonyoung says. “Stop harassing my friend. We’ll order when we have a chance to look at the menu.”  

Happy raises her eyebrow just slightly at the word “friend,” but closes her notepad. She returns to a pastel pink bar where you can clearly see her whispering and gesturing to you. 

“Why do so many people know me?” You mutter, shrinking into the corner of the booth. 

“The thing about Drunk Soonyoung is that he doesn’t really shut up,” Seungcheol says. 

“That’s being gentle,” Joshua says. “One time he spent four hours describing Finding Nemo. That’s longer than the actual movie.” 

“It’s a good movie,” Soonyoung says. 

“The point is,” Seungcheol says, glaring at Joshua, “he tends to talk when he’s drunk. Usually about good things, things that he… Well, things that he likes.” 

You turn your head to look at Soonyoung, who is once again pretending to study the menu. “You like studying for the LSAT that much?” 

Joshua unsuccessfully tries to hide his laugh with a snort while Seungcheol gains slightly more success with a fake cough. Soonyoung doesn’t react at all, staring at the painted flowers on the menu. Eventually, he shrugs. “I’m dedicated to the bet.” He points at a stack of pancakes covered in bananas and chocolate. “That’s what I usually get.” 

“Isn’t against all rules of gym core and muscle building to eat decadent things?” 

“Did you just call working out ‘gym core?’” Seungcheol asks. 

“Am I wrong?” 

“Nope!” Soonyoung says brightly. “And cheat days are a thing, so do you want to split it or not?” 

“You know I can’t say no to bananas and chocolate.” 

“And pancakes!” He waves down the waitress and points to the stack. 

“Ah, the new Soonyoung,” she says. “You guys getting your actual usual?” 

Joshua and Seungcheol nod and she doesn’t bother to write any of it down. Then again she already knows their orders. Except she called Soonyoung’s “new.” Before you can ask what she meant, a shout makes you jump. You turn around to see a stream of boys entering, enough of whom you recognize that you realize at least half the frat has rolled into the diner. The waitresses roll their eyes and groan but somehow they don’t look all that upset. 

“Mr. President!” The tallest boy, Johnny according to Soonyoung’s Instagram tags, holds a fist over his heart and pounds it a couple times. Seungcheol nods and greets each of the boys, most of whom seem to still be in various stages of inebriation. Almost all of them glance at you and whisper to each other, and you get the feeling they know exactly who you are. 

Just what has Soonyoung said about you? 

“How are we doing on time?” One of them calls out. 

“46 minutes,” Joshua says. You frown. 46 minutes… until 9? Do they all know about today? 

You tap Soonyoung on the arm. “What’s going on?” 

“You see, the thing is,” he says, “apparently I was nervous?” He tries to fake a laugh but it sounds strained. “I don’t really know but the guys made me tell them about today and then I didn’t really know what was happening but I guess they followed us here? Thought you might like moral support, or something.” 

You peek out at the booths crowded with frat bros and cringe back into your seat when they grin at you. “They’re all looking at me.” 

“Well, I guess I do talk about you a lot,” he says, only loud enough for you to hear. He won’t meet your eyes. 

Ask him why. You want to be brave. You want to be right about the answer you think he’ll give you. You chew the inside of your cheek. 

“Because of the bet?” 

Soonyoung doesn’t answer for a moment. “I guess.” 

Coward. 

“Why are we whispering?” Joshua asks, leaning across Soonyoung towards you. “Are we gossiping?” 

Soonyoung pushes him off. “Butt out.” 

“Just telling Soonyoung that I’ve never had an army of drunk guys rooting for me before,” you say. 

“Could have had it sooner if you came to a party,” Seungcheol says. 

“You really want me at a party that bad? We just met.” 

Seungcheol glances at Soonyoung, who shakes his head. He sighs. “If only I could tell you why you need to come.” 

You frown between the three men. “I don’t like when people talk in circles over me.” 

“Just promise you’ll come to the Christmas party. It’ll all make sense then,” Seungcheol says. You’ve heard a lot about Seungcheol from Soonyoung, and the more you listen to him, the more you believe it. He’s a strange man. 

“I’ll think about making an appearance.” 

“Really?” Soonyoung whips around to face you and you know that you have to come now. You haven’t seen him this excited since you let him skip studying to party. No, he’s even more excited now. “You’ll come?” 

You can’t stand his gaze so you study the placemats. “Maybe.” 

He grabs your hand until you meet his eyes. “Please?” 

The Soonyoung Sparkle. You never win against it. “Fine.” 

“Get a room,” Joshua says behind a very fake cough. You pull your hand back into your lap and pretend like you aren’t embarrassed. 

“How long now?” You shout out.

“40 minutes,” someone answers. You groan and lean back into the sofa. Studying was hard enough but waiting makes you want to pull out each individual hair on your head. You stare at the ceiling, trying to decide if the stain looks more like a horse or a flower. 

“Look at this.” Soonyoung passes his phone in front of you, forcing you to look down. His Instagram is open to a picture of a kitten looking drunk, face covered in milk. Such and obvious attempt to distract you but you smile anyway. 

“Sweet,” you say and even you aren’t sure if you mean the cat or Soonyoung. He shows you cat pictures until the food finally arrives (33 minutes to go). You have to wait another five minutes because Soonyoung insists on having a photoshoot, despite your protests that you look like you just woke up (he raises his eyebrows at that). You stop fighting when Joshua makes him cut a piece of the pancake and feed it to you. Chocolate nearly drops in your lap but Soonyoung shoots his hand out at the last second and catches it. 

“Okay, can we please just eat,” you say. Joshua and Seungcheol shrug and pretend like they weren’t instigating the pictures and telling you and Soonyoung how to pose. 

Soonyoung was right about the bananas and chocolate. Rich and decadent, they’re delicious. When he cuts you a slice and pushes it toward you, you can even forget the countdown to the end of the world. Or, more accurately, the end of the world doesn’t mean anything to you when Soonyoung smiles at you like that. 

You eat slowly enough to bring you to the ten minute mark. Fear mixes with the dessert for breakfast in your stomach, twisting it until it threatens to jump out of your throat. Soonyoung takes your hand under the table and holds it. You don’t run away this time. 

He holds you to the planet again, keeps you from floating away and disappearing before you can reach the stars. It’s Soonyoung that keeps your heart beating. Always Soonyoung. 

Seungcheol and Joshua chat, Soonyoung piping in a few times, but their words don’t reach you. Stuck somewhere between crushed beneath the weight of the world and floating away, you focus on the clock, watching the seconds tick closer and closer. 

“Last minute!” Someone behind you finally shouts. Soonyoung squeezes your hand. You pull up the website on your phone and put in your login information and hover over the SUBMIT. At thirty seconds, they start shouting it out. 

“Ten!” 

“Nine!” 

“Eight!” 

“Seven!” 

“Six!” 

“Five!” 

“Four!” 

“Three!” 

“Two!” 

“One!” 

Half the guys start cheering already, probably forgetting the count down doesn’t mean as much as the results themselves. You hit SUBMIT and watch the little wheel spin around and around and around until it finally refreshes. The number stares back at you, impossible to read right in front of you. 

169. 

“Congratulations!” Soonyoung shouts, throwing his arms around you and squeezing while you try to comprehend what that means. 169. The number should be all you can think about but Soonyoung holds you, shouting how proud he is, how he always believed in you. 

“169!” Seungcheol shouts, miles away from your bubble. You can hear the guys break out into cheers, hear them chanting the number (which turns into 69) but it’s just you and Soonyoung. The world didn’t end and Soonyoung is still by your side. 

The rest of the morning is a blur. Every member of the frat insists on congratulating you, which mostly means a lot of hugs, though one of the more drunk guys tried to spin you around on his shoulder. You laugh when you’d usually frown and find your way back to Soonyoung’s side like a magnet. 

Maybe it’s the euphoria that gives you courage. 

“Hey Soonyoung?” 

“Hm?” 

You say it before you can think too much. “Maybe just the two of us next time?” 

He grins before you can finish speaking. “I’d love that.” 

.

.

You have the courtesy to let Soonyoung sleep in as much as he wants. You wait for him at Barb’s, trying to figure out how to call this a date. 

You’ve seen him a couple times since you got your score back, but you needed to study for finals and he had to make up for missing a lot of frat activities. You’ve only seen him in passing, nothing to fill the Soonyoung shaped hole in your heart. But today that will change. You will celebrate together and you will tell him how you feel. And then… you have no idea. 

It’s just Soonyoung there’s nothing to be nervous about. Too bad your body doesn’t agree with you. Every nerve stands at attention, jumping at the bell that rings when the door opens. You don’t worry when Soonyoung doesn’t get to Barb’s by 8:30 like he said he would. Even at 8:45, you aren’t worried. 

It’s only at 8:55 that you really start to wonder where he is. Maybe you should have picked him up. Knowing him, there’s a 50% chance he’s lying in a ditch after a failed attempt to recreate an impossible stunt from Fast and Furious. At 9, you call him. Between each silence in the ring, you wait for his voice but it never comes. He uses the automated voicemail, so you don’t even get his voice telling you to leave a message. 

The anxiety turns to fear while you wait. The door rings and you see a fluff of bleach blonde hair and jump up. But though you recognize the face, it isn’t Soonyoung. 

Chan, one of the younger members of the frat, with Mingyu and a guy whose name you forgot. They all have the same look in their eyes when they see you, far too much like pity. 

“You’re YN, right?” Mingyu asks. “You’re supposed to meet Soonyoung?” The two guys with him, easily identifiable as frat members between their unkempt hair and sweatshirts plastered with Greek letters, stop mid conversation and glance at each other. 

“Is he okay?” You ask, still standing in the awkward position in the booth. 

“He’s got his score back,” Mingyu says. 

“We were supposed to–” 

“Yeah, I know,” Mingyu says. “It was a 167. You should really talk to him yourself.” He pauses, glancing at his frat brothers but they shrug. “He’s at the house. See if you can talk some sense into him.” 

You’re too afraid to ask any other questions so you just watch Mingyu and the other two walk past, and pretend that they aren’t whispering and stealing glances at you. 

Going to a frat house was never on your bucket list but your feet travel without guidance. You find yourself in front of a rather nondescript house. No bodies hang out from windows, no one is passed out in the yard. Then again it’s a weekday. 

You pause at the door, wondering if you should knock. You tap your hand on the door and it slides open, the latch bolt pushed completely in. You step inside tentatively, peeking around but it’s quiet. You turn the corner to find an open room and Soonyoung sitting on a couch, glass with a bright liquid in his hand. He doesn’t even look at you. 

“Are you seriously drunk right now?” 

Soonyoung just shrugs, taking another sip from the glass. Even from here you can smell that it’s more tequila than fruit punch. 

You shake your head, crossing the room sitting beside him even though he didn’t invite you to sit down. He was considerably cuter the last time you saw him drunk. You’ve gotten used to the power of Soonyoung’s facial expressions, his smiles, his frowns, the way his eyes glaze over when he’s bored, the way they gleam when he daydreams; they’re as precious to you as Soonyoung himself. But his face is a clean slate now, not a smile, not a frown, just a blank stare. 

“You know a 167 is still insanely good, right?” 

He shakes his head. 

“Soonyoung.” He doesn’t look at you, so you grab his drink. Any other day and you would have failed miserably but his alcohol-impaired senses make him slow enough for you to get a hand on the half-empty glass. He glares at you but you don’t yield, tightening your grip and pulling the bottle even harder. 

“Let go,” you growl. “Talk to me like a normal human.” 

He shakes his head, pulling on the glass so you yank back, except you overestimate how weak he is like this, and the glass flies out of his hand, the contents spilling all over you. The red liquid sinks into your blue sweater, soaking you through all three layers. 

“What the hell?” Soonyoung says. 

“That gets your fucking attention? Spilling your drink?” You say. “You know, I really thought you were different.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re acting like a child. So you didn’t win the bet. Who fucking cares? Do you know how hard it is to get higher than a 160? Soonyoung, you are smart, and you worked so hard for this. You could go to law school with that score. You could graduate above a 2.3 if you stopped acting like a stereotypical fuck bro and actually studied. 

“You know, you could actually be something if you wanted. You don’t have to get a degree and work at a corporate job that sucks your soul away until the Soonyoung that actually matters is gone. I know it’s easier this way, but if you actually tried to dream, you could do something. I don’t get it, honestly. Because everyone thinks you’re an idiot you act like one? Is that what it is?” 

“You don’t have to pretend like you don’t think the same thing.” 

You snort. “I don’t, but clearly you won’t believe me. You think that if you have to work for something then it’s not worth it when you could be so much more.” 

“Why do you even care?” Soonyoung asks, looking you in the eyes for the first time. For a moment, you think you might actually be wrong, because all you see in his eyes is pain. A physical force that constricts your heart and makes you weak in the knees, Soonyoung looks at you like he’s been fighting a war you never knew about, like he’s been suffering in silence for a lifetime. He looks at you like you’ve broken his heart. 

Why do I care? You could scoff. Because I’ve been in love with you ever since you fell asleep on my shoulder. I’ve been fighting this stupid crush for so long that I don’t know who I am without it. I don’t know who I am without you. I care because every day the world proves that we aren’t worthy of this planet, that love can’t solve all problems yet you make me question it all. You don’t just bring light into my life, you make it glitter. And I can’t tell you any of this. 

“I don’t know.” The lie tastes bitter but it’s still sweeter than rejection.

“Then why are you here?” Soonyoung looks away. Without his eyes pinning you down, you can breathe again, but every inhale still drags against your heart. You stand up. Afterall, you don’t have an answer for him. 

“I take it back. You are an idiot,” you mutter over his head as you walk past him. You make it to the corner of the street before the tears finally spill over your cheeks, and all the way back to your room before you can’t breathe. 

.

.

Without the distraction of finals, you are left with your own thoughts, your words and Soonyoung’s floating around your head. You have always been something of a hermit but you’ve become J.D. Salinger himself, only leaving your room to sneak into the kitchen and scrounge for scraps of junk food that Jihoon hasn’t thrown away yet. You watch so much reality TV that you start to dream about it. 

Every episode the people, a family living on a homestead that just happens to dress in brand name clothes and drive a Benz, fight and cry and make up. You yell at the mother when she forces her daughter to change because she didn’t think polka dots are appropriate and cry along with the daughter when she starts to sniffle in her confessional, wondering if her mother would ever approve of her choices, whether it was clothes or the people she wants to date. 

You bet your confessional would be a hit if it was ever filmed. Tears run down your cheeks as you practice it in the mirror, choking out an apology for calling him an idiot and telling the whole world what you aren’t brave enough to tell him. 

Jun calls but you can’t answer. He leaves three voicemails: an apology, a goofy one telling you he’ll be back soon, and a final one, yelling at you to pick up or at least let him know you’re alive. You text him an apology you don’t know if you mean. He says thank you anyway and doesn’t call again. 

You have no plans to change your schedule (wake up, steal food, cry, sleep) but on the third day you run out of goldfish and can’t find anything in the kitchen that doesn’t make you nauseous. To make matters worse, despite the fact that it’s seven in the morning (the earliest you’ve woken up since the Fight), Jihoon catches you. 

You’ve successfully avoided him and his inevitable lecture, slamming your door shut and ignoring his knocks but he catches you off guard today. He sneaks in from his morning workout wearing a black t-shirt and slides that he somehow manages to walk stealthily in, scaring you when you close the fridge and find him standing where the door was. 

“Are you done hiding?” 

“I’m not hiding,” you mutter. 

He folds his arms. 

“Fine,” you say. “I’m not done hiding.” 

“Well too fucking bad,” Jihoon says. You try to step past him but he holds his arm out. You’ll never beat him in a physical fight so you step back, shaking your head. 

“Have it your way. Go ahead.” You wave your hand. “Get it all out. Yell at me or lecture me or whatever, I don’t care. You’re going to tell me that I’m an idiot? That I shouldn’t be so afraid of rejection, that I’m blind to how he feels? 

“Or are you going to tell me that I shouldn’t trust someone like him? That I shouldn’t be crying over a goddamn frat boy, I’m better than this, I’m better than him.” You choke back a sob, not sure what words are coming out anymore. You wipe at the tears in your eyes and are so focused on trying not to cry that you don’t notice Jihoon walking away. You do see him come back, blurry shape coming into focus as you blink away the tears. He holds something in his hand, a navy blue square. A throw pillow from the couch? 

He shifts it in his hand until he holds the corner with the zipper, swinging it a couple times back and forth. Then he yanks his arm back and arcs the pillow in a wide loop, landing directly on your head. 

“Ow!” You cry but Jihoon just swings again, hitting your arm this time. He hits you so hard it knocks you off balance, sending you to the floor. Jihoon doesn’t hesitate, swinging the pillow into you again and again, every inch of you. 

“You. Are. An. Idiot.” He grunts out each word with a blow. “You really think you’re better than him?” 

He finally pauses, not even breathing heavily. You shake your head to answer him. “Of course not.” 

“Good,” he says. Then he hits you again and again and again. 

“Ow, Jihoon, what the hell?” You bury your head in your knees and hold your arms over you, trying in vain to protect yourself. 

“I’m not your babysitter,” he says. “I’m not your father, or your brother, or any of that shit. I’m your best friend and you’re being an idiot and I’m not going to stop hitting you until you get some sense knocked into you.” He freezes, as if realizing exactly what he said. “Wait, no–that’s not what I mean, shit, sorry, but–” 

You peek out from your arms and find Jihoon opening and closing his mouth, trying to figure out what to say. He looks like a fish out of water, and it occurs to you he is a fish out of water. He’s never had to comfort you before, probably never had to comfort anyone. No wonder he’s so bad at it. 

You wouldn’t laugh at him and borderline abuse, but your emotions are beyond fried, and he just looks so funny standing over you with a pillow raised, still sputtering half apologies. You try to stop the laugh before it comes out but it turns into a snort and then you can’t stop laughing, tears that you tried to push back falling freely. You lay back on the floor and laugh until your sides hurt, only vaguely aware of Jihoon laughing above you. Eventually he joins you on the floor. 

“You know what I meant,” he says. The pillow rests on the floor between his legs, all the fluff on the far end from the one-sided pillow fight. 

“I knew what you meant without the pillow.” 

“Too bad,” Jihoon says. “I’m tired of listening to the theme song of that god awful show. You could at least watch something like–” 

“I swear if you bring up an anime, you’ll feel exactly how hard that pillow can hit.” 

Jihoon laughs, patting it a couple times. “I saw him the other day. He looked tired.” He pauses but you don’t dare speak. “We didn’t speak. I don’t even think he saw me. But it doesn’t matter because I’m not the one he needs to talk to.” 

“I know,” you say. 

“Then why are you still on the floor?” 

Because you’re scared. Because it would be easier to just give up now, for once to ignore putting in the hard work and just let it pass. But just because it’s the easy option doesn’t mean it’s the right option. At the very least you need to apologize to him. 

“What if he hates me?” 

Jihoon snorts. “Then he’ll get some pillow violence too.” He pauses. “He doesn’t, though.”

“It doesn’t mean that it will turn out okay.” 

“No, it doesn’t,” Jihoon says. “But no matter what happens, you’ll deal with it. And even if it absolutely sucks in the moment, eventually it will be over, and it sure as hell will be better than that stupid fucking show.” 

You nod, setting your chin on your knees. Your stomach turns in anticipation for what you will have to do, but he’s right. It’s time to stop running. Tonight is the Christmas party, and you were never formally uninvited. Somehow you doubt Seungcheol will throw you out. It’s time to get off the floor and get ready. 

“Have you ever thought of being a life coach?” 

“Hell no.” 

.

.

What am I doing here? You fake a smile at Seungcheol and swallow the shot as fast as you can, grimacing as the vodka burns everything from the inside of your mouth to the depths of your stomach. You should have just stuck to your mixed drink only policy but Soonyoung always has you breaking your rules. Even when he isn’t with you. 

Seungcheol disappears as soon as you take the drink, and you don't see anyone else you are comfortable enough to chat with, though that list is quite short. You do a turn of the house, which looks marginally better than the last time you saw it ,the benefit of bad lighting. It’s already crowded with more people than you’ve ever seen on campus. You make your way through each room on the lower floor, finding more than a couple bleach blondes. None are who you’re looking for. You stop in the living room, where you saw him last. 

“He isn’t here.” You turn at the voice. An unfamiliar boy stands next to you, holding a half-empty Smirnoff Ice. “He went to visit family or something.” He pauses, looking you up and down. “At least that’s what he said.” 

You nod. You find it doesn’t surprise you that he seems to know who you are. You suppose you’ve grown used to it, just one of the side-effects of being close with Soonyoung. Though it’s still strange, it doesn’t make you uncomfortable anymore. Or it wouldn’t, if you didn’t think this stranger is implying that it’s your fault Soonyoung isn’t at the ‘Party of the Year.’ 

You can’t stand his gaze so you make your way back towards the drinks, grabbing the first bottle you could find and chugging half of the lukewarm drink. It tastes like a fruit you can’t recognize and carbonation and the more you drink the harder it is to swallow but you force it down. 

You came to apologize. He isn’t here, so why do you stay? Because you promised him? Do you really miss him that much? That you would come here and suffer through all this chaos, just for the memory of him? It doesn’t make any sense but you think that might be a side effect of the alcohol. You get another drink just in case you’re still sober. 

.

.

Your head pounds, the aching feeling of the stage between drunk and sober. Normally you’d like to be sound asleep by now, or at least in the comfort of your home, but you can’t bring yourself to leave. It’s hot and sweaty, the music is way too loud, and you can’t find water anywhere, but you stay anyway, because you’re an idiot that fell in love. 

You curl up on the couch, opposite of a couple making out as if the room isn’t full of people, waiting for just a glimpse of him that will never appear. Even drunk, you think it’s pitiful, but you can’t stop. 

You didn’t think you could fall asleep in all the noise but you open your eyes when you feel the world tilt sideways. You’re vaguely aware of the arms underneath your legs and back, cradling you against someone’s chest. No, not just someone. 

Because you aren’t enough of an idiot, you can tell it’s him, his sweet scent, maybe even just his arms. Soonyoung carries you out of the living room and up the stairs, the blaring music fading only slightly. 

“I thought you weren’t here,” you mumble. 

Soonyoung frowns down at you. “You okay?” 

You shake your head, suddenly realizing there are tears in your eyes. No, I’m not okay, I love you, you want to say. He squeezes you a little tighter, trying to hug you while still carrying you. 

With your head resting against his chest, you can fully appreciate his beauty. His hair is black, which suits him even though he looks nothing like your Soonyoung anymore. You reach up and trace the lines of his face that are unchanging, the sharp straight line of his jaw, the gentle curve of his nose, his soft eyebrows. You drop your hand when you realize he’s staring at you, belatedly realizing you never got to his lips. You can only imagine how soft they’d be, soft like Soonyoung himself. 

“You’re crying,” Soonyoung says softly. You can’t tell if he’s talking to you or not. He pauses in front of a door, struggling to open it without dropping you. Finally the door swings open and he sets you down on a bed, taking a deep breath and sitting beside you. 

He brushes the tears from your eyes, as Soonyoung as ever. Sweet as ever. Sweet and Soonyoung. They should be the same word. You make a mental note to email Merriam-Webster’s dictionary and make the suggestion. 

Soonyoung doesn’t say anything, just watching you with those perfect eyes. His hand rests on your face even though the tears are long gone, thumb tracing shapes on your cheek. 

“You swore you’d do anything for me,” you say. 

“Anything,” Soonyoung repeats. 

You turn to the walls, knocking his hand off your cheek, not daring to look him in the eyes. Even drunk, you are a coward. He’s put up pictures on his wall, a couple Polaroids but mostly printed pictures, with the frat, some childhood pictures, and one that you recognize. The picture of the two of you at the beach that you thought you didn’t send, where you are looking at him with all the love in your heart. You trace his smile, blinding even in paper form. 

“Could you maybe try loving me back then?” You mumble. Your eyes feel heavy between the alcohol and the tears and you’ve said what you needed to say, so you let them take over, closing your eyes and letting the blasting music from downstairs drown out any thoughts. And because it’s so loud and you’ve already drifted off to sleep, there’s no way you could hear his answer. 

“I already do.” 

.

.

The first thing you do when you wake up is throw up. You make it out of the bed but not to the bathroom, mostly because you don’t actually know where it is. You grab the nearest bucket-shaped item, which happens to be a mostly empty trash can. You lean away as soon as you’re done, breathing through your mouth and looking away from the mess. Belatedly, you realize someone is patting your back, brushing hair out of your face. 

“Better?” Soonyoung asks. His knees rests against your lower back, one hand resting on your back, the other caressing your face. Thank god you already threw up because looking at him makes your stomach twist again and if there was anything in you, it would come up again. If you could throw up your heart, you would. As it is, the organ is trying to climb its way up your throat, whether it’s guilt or heartbreak you don’t know. 

 You nod in answer to his question, letting him help you up. Your head pounds and though you know you won’t throw up again, your stomach flips. Right, your policy of mixed drinks is definitely reinstated after this. 

“Sorry I threw up in your trash can,” you say. 

“Believe me, that is not the worst that trash can has seen,” Soonyoung says. “Wait, that sounds bad, I didn’t mean it in a weird way, I just mean–” He stops himself, shaking his head. “It’s a frat house.” 

“It’s your room,” you say softly. With sober (albeit heavily hungover) eyes, you take in the room again. It’s tiny, one bed pushed against a wall with a desk set right next to it. Unsurprisingly, it’s stacked with protein powder and a pile of frat flyers, laptop balancing off the edge, not a paper in sight. Except for the one next to his bed, the walls are bare, an ugly shade of beige except for a circle filled with white plaster that looks suspiciously like the reformed crime scene of a fist going through drywall. It must be from whoever owned the room before Soonyoung. 

The wall next to his bed is covered in pictures. You remember being amazed by them last night. Your eyes zero in on the picture of the two of you, right next to the pillow that’s still dented from your head. 

“Did I steal your bed?” You frown except the movement hurts your head. 

“I slept in Johnny’s room since he’s decided to disappear off the face of the planet instead of accepting the fact that he graduates next semester,” Soonyoung says. “I actually just came in here for some clothes, which reminds me.” He rummages through a drawer, pulling out a wrinkled t-shirt and handing it to you. “If you want a change.” 

You glance down and feel like throwing up all over again. Your favorite shirt is covered in stains, alcohol, vomit, and something you definitely don’t want to name. If you weren’t feeling so terrible already, you’d cry that Soonyoung is seeing you like this. 

“I’ll get you a toothbrush, too,” he mutters, disappearing and leaving you to scramble to switch shirts. The white dri-fit is meant to be a workout shirt, though it’s clear that it would be oversize on Soonyoung. Either way, the soft fabric is gentle on your skin, much better than the jeans you slept in. Too bad you’re stuck in them until you get back to your apartment. 

You could run away right now. Soonyoung probably wouldn’t be surprised. But he’s being nice to you, so much nicer than you deserve. Sweet and Soonyoung. But you came here to apologize, and though last night got derailed, you can’t keep running from it. Besides, it’s not like the morning can get much worse. 

So when Soonyoung comes back proudly brandishing an unopened toothbrush that he may or may not have stolen from Seungcheol’s bathroom, you accept it gratefully. You stare yourself down in the bathroom, fighting nausea and an impending migraine because you have a mission to achieve, a real mission unlike last night. It’s still a haze, but you don’t think you’ll ever forget how gently Soonyoung cradled you against his chest, the brush of his fingers on your cheek. If he didn’t show up this morning, you’d think it was a dream. 

Soonyoung’s door is open when you finish but he isn’t in his room. You grab your bag from the floor and venture down the stairs, leaning heavily on the railing. There’s a couple people passed out in the living room, and one person snoring softly in the kitchen, head folded in his arms in a position that must be incredibly painful for his neck. But it’s where you find Soonyoung, digging through the fridge and finally pulling out a water bottle. He hands it to you, along with a bottle of pills. 

“Thank you,” you sigh, not even bothering to check the label for the brand. You take a couple and chug half the bottle, gaslighting yourself into believing that it will instantly revive you (it doesn’t work and your head still pounds). 

“Are you hungry?” Soonyoung asks. He opens the fridge again, this time wide enough to show the shelves that are filled with beer, vodka, and White Claws. There’s a pizza box and some eggs, but not much else. 

“How are any of you alive?” You ask softly, glancing at the snoring person on the counter. 

“Yuta can sleep through an apocalypse, don’t worry about him,” Soonyoung says, waving his hand. He closes the fridge, leaning against it. “And most of us keep our actual food in mini-fridges. I just cleared mine out for break, so I don’t have anything in it.” He doesn’t say anything else about vanishing. 

“I’m pretty sure that pizza has been in there since the start of the semester and I’ve never seen eggs in here before though, so I don’t think you should risk any of this,” Soonyoung says. “McDonald’s fries are a far superior hangover cure, they’ve never failed me.” 

“There’s a McDonald’s nearby?” 

Soonyoung grins, pulling keys out of his pocket and spinning them around his fingers a couple times, except they fly off and clatter on the floor. The man asleep on the counter, Yuta apparently, stirs but doesn’t move. You can’t help but smile as Soonyoung scrambles to retrieve them from the floor. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was flustered. 

“There isn’t one,” Soonyoung explains, leading the way to the door. “But I have the keys to Seungcheol’s car.” 

“I’m not really comfortable with grand theft auto,” you say, though you don’t stop following him to Seungcheol’s giant white Jeep. 

“He gave me the keys last night when I walked in,” Soonyoung says. “Something about owing me. He was pretty drunk.” He darts around to the passenger side before you can, opening the door for you. He waves his hand when you frown at him, as if you’re the one acting strange. Thinking with this headache is too hard so you just get into the car and strap the seatbelt on. 

“I can’t believe you thought I’d steal a car,” Soonyoung says. He turns the engine on and scans the front of the car before finally settling his right hand on the gear shift. 

“You have driven this car before, right?” 

“Of course,” Soonyoung says a little too fast. You grab onto the door handle and hope that your stomach really is empty. 

Soonyoung’s driving isn’t the worst you’ve ever experienced; that title goes to Jihoon, who was banned from touching car keys after his Mario Kart driving. That said, you think he’s a good second place. He slams on the gas and the brakes too hard and drives altogether too fast. He blasts the radio and sings along purposefully off key. You should be terrified but it’s the most fun you’ve ever had riding in the passenger seat. 

“I’m never riding with you again,” you say, breathless from laughing. He pulls to a stop at the red light, the Golden arches of your destination still one light away. “You know yellow lights mean slow down right?”

“I stopped at this one!” Soonyoung says. “I’ll have you know I haven’t been in an accident.” He pauses. “Since I was nineteen.” 

You nod, pursing your lips to stop yourself from smiling fully. “That’s what I figured.” You peek at Soonyoung and he’s smiling too. 

So different from the last time you saw him. You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t be able to laugh and joke around with him so easily, not when you still haven’t apologized. And Soonyoung shouldn’t be looking at you like that, genuine fondness in his eyes. 

“The light’s green,” you say. His smile fades a little when he turns his head and drives ahead, stepping lightly for once. You’re so close now, but a car going straight in the right lane prevents him from turning. 

The pain medicine must have kicked in because your headache is slowly fading, replaced by heartache that no medication can cure. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” You blurt out. 

The blinker beeps a steady rhythm in the empty silence. “Isn’t it obvious?” 

“Nothing’s ever obvious with you, Soonyoung,” you say softly. 

“Oh.” The light turns green and he guides the car slowly into the parking lot, stopping in a spot instead of pulling up to the drive through. As soon as the car is in park, he turns to face you. There’s a crease in his forehead that you recognize from the rare occasions that he would actually talk to you seriously. “YN, I genuinely thought I was being clear about this from the beginning, but if you still really don’t get it, then I’ll say it straight up: I like you. I’ve liked you since the day we met and then I fell in love with you. 

“Did you know you’re the first person that’s ever genuinely believed in me? I mean, I know I have friends, and my family means well, but they always get this look in their eye whenever I talk about trying for things, like it was cute that I was trying, but they never actually believed in me. And I started to believe them too. I started to believe that I couldn’t believe in myself.” He frowns. “That makes no sense. The point is, you are the reason I started to believe in myself again. 

“No one’s ever looked at me like you do. No one’s ever told me to get my shit together–well, they have, but you’re the only one that told me it was because I could be better. 

“You say it wasn’t obvious, but I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times. I flirted, I tried to ask you on a date so many times, and I finally accepted that you’d never see me like that, so I was a dick. I told you off, even though you were right. I’m so sorry for that, and I’m sorry I ran away, and I’m sorry it took me so long to apologize.” 

“Stop,” you say. Soonyoung’s eyes widen, tears welling up, and you realize he thinks you’re rejecting him. “Stop apologizing!” His brow creases in confusion, an adorable frown. Summoning all your courage, you reach out, resting your hand on his. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I didn’t have any right to judge you and the choices you were making, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you when I knew how much the bet meant to you.”

You squeeze his hand, closing your eyes. “And I think I was a little oblivious on purpose. I’m not the kind of person that has crushes, let alone crushes that like me back, so I freaked a little and missed all the signs.” You open your eyes and grin at him. It’s easy to feel brave when he smiles back at you. “But I like you, Soonyoung. I like you so much, I don’t have enough words to express it. My whole life has been about my future, my career, and it’s exhausting, but being with you makes it all exciting again. Like, no matter what happens, if you’re with me, it won’t just be okay, it’ll be fun.” 

Soonyoung beams. “Really?” 

You squeeze his hand. “I like you.” Like the first time you took the LSAT, you can’t think of a single word, except instead of damning your future this feels like the start of it. Soonyoung sits across from you and you don’t need words. 

You don’t know how long you sit there, but reality sets in when your stomach growls. You glance outside the window and remember where you are. “Did you just confess to me in a McDonald’s parking lot?” 

“Better than drunk in my own bed.” 

“I didn’t!” You let go of his hand to hide your face. 

Soonyoung grins. “You were cute!” 

“I don’t remember it, it doesn't count!” 

“Whatever you say,” Soonyoung says, leaning over the center console. He gently pulls your hands away from your face, hand circling your wrist gently. You instinctively hold your breath, though you don’t lean away. Soonyoung leans a little closer, forehead resting against yours. 

“This okay?” He whispers, breath kissing your lips, and you remember that less than an hour ago, you were throwing up. Your head still aches and your stomach is still queasy and your whole body feels disgusting. 

“We are not having our first kiss in a McDonald’s parking lot,” you say, leaning back. Soonyoung sighs, but he sits back in his chair, settling for grabbing your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours. 

“Fine,” Soonyoung says. He rubs his thumb back and forth, and when you meet his eyes, you see a familiar glint of trouble. “You know I’m still sworn to you. Whatever you want.” 

The words go straight to your heart. You could live a thousand lives and never meet someone as genuine as Soonyoung. You know that he means it, heart and soul, that he’d do anything for you. And it should be terrifying that he’s willing to bear his heart for you, that you are willing to do the same. But it’s Soonyoung. It’s easy to trust him with it, because even though he breaks half the computers he touches and can’t hold onto a pencil for his life, he won’t ever drop your heart. 

I love you. One day you’ll be able to say it, one day you’ll scream it like you so desperately want to. But until then, you settle for his certified brilliant smile and the gentle brush of his lips on the back of your hand, only letting go to turn the engine back on. 

“Let’s get you some fries,” he says. “Then kisses?” 

You shake your head and laugh, slipping your hand back into his. 

Before he can put the car into gear, his phone rings. He stares at the screen for a moment, frowning like he can’t decide whether he should answer it or not. Finally he slides the green across, turning on speaker. 

“Hey Seungcheol, I’m with—” 

“Where the hell are you? And where is my car?” Seungcheol’s voice is somewhere between angry and concerned. “You think it’s okay to vanish and then show up only to steal my car?” 

“First of all, you gave me the keys,” Soonyoung says. He glances at you. “And I’m at McDonald’s because YN desperately needed a hangover cure.” 

“Hey,” you say so Seungcheol knows you’re there. 

The line is quiet for so long you think Soonyoung’s phone has finally given up on him but eventually he says, “You’re with YN?” 

“We talked,” he says. “And we’re good.” 

You snort. “That’s how you’re going to describe it?” 

“Are we not good?” 

You glance at your hand still intertwined with his, the Soonyoung Sparkle glittering back at you when you look him in the eyes. Good? There’s not a word to describe how you feel right now. 

“We are beyond good.” 

.

.

“Are you crying?” You whisper. Soonyoung shakes his head, chin brushing against your head but when he inhales again, he sniffles. You reach up to pat his cheek and are entirely unsurprised when it’s wet. On screen Elle Woods continues her speech, for once not wearing pink. 

“She’s just so cool,” Soonyoung says. You lift your head off his chest so you can look him in the eyes. The temptation to tease him is hard to resist but he pouts his lips and you see another tear slip out. You kiss his cheek, out of habit more than anything. Strange how much can change in two weeks, how something you’ve never imagined doing has become natural. But being with Soonyoung is just like that. New and old at the same time, the kind of comfort that has you planning how to make this last a lifetime. 

Soonyoung wraps his arms around you tighter, so you nestle back into his chest, turning away from the end of the movie to close your eyes and breathe in his cologne. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this,” you whisper, lips brushing against his neck. “The whole bet was based on a movie you haven’t seen.” 

“You’re missing the end,” he says. His voice rumbles in your ear, drowning out his heartbeat. 

“I’ve seen it before.” Your bed really isn’t built for two people to lay down together. You are laying more on Soonyoung than the mattress but it’s not the first time. From the way he holds you, you doubt it’ll be the last. 

The credits roll too quickly, but Soonyoung still doesn’t let go. He pulls you up so that your head is next to his, nose centimeters away from yours. 

“So am I officially qualified to go to law school?” He asks. 

“You are Elle Woods certified,” you say. “But you’re sure that’s what you want?” 

“I mean I have to get in. But I figure if I’m going to waste away at a desk, I might as well do it for something I believe in.” He pauses. “With someone that believes in me.” He presses a kiss to the side of your neck, breath tickling the sensitive skin. You can’t help but sigh. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s what you want,” you say, after several heartbeats of struggling to think. 

“I want…” His words “To be with you. However you’ll have me.” His arms loosen, hands sliding down to your waist. 

“Still not answering the question,” you breathe out but you can’t even remember what the question is, not when he’s shifting to lay on top of you, lips inching their way up your neck. He kisses your jaw, your cheek, the corner of your lips, then stops, pulling away and meeting your eyes again.

The Soonyoung Sparkle. The grinch has nothing on you–your heart swells so large it feels like it’s going to explode out of your chest–Alien style. Does he know what he does to you? How he’s made everything in your life shine? How happy you are when he’s with you? 

“I love you,” you whisper. 

Soonyoung blinks at you. “You…” 

“I love you,” you say again, this time with more confidence. “I really, really love you.” 

Soonyoung grins, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours, moving like the world outside has stopped. He makes a bubble around you again, or maybe it’s your own heart; either way the only thing that exists is the way his hands inch up your shirt, the way his lips begin to press harder against yours. You give up on coherent thoughts, settling for wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer. 

“I love you, too,” Soonyoung whispers between kisses. “If that wasn’t obvious.” 

Soonyoung who always treated you like you were enough already. Soonyoung who does everything with 100% of his heart. Soonyoung who has always been sincere with you, from the first day you met him. Soonyoung, who you are so lucky to be loved by. 

You don’t know how to say any of this in a way that makes sense so you let his fire melt you until you are putty in his arms. He pulls away, and the Soonyoung Sparkle burns, your personal stars flickering back at you.  

“You want to–” Soonyoung starts to say, but the door slams open. Then Soonyoung falls on you, pillow rolling off his head. 

“I’m taking this back!” Someone shouts while you hear Jihoon cursing. 

“Read the room, idiot!” Soonyoung pushes off of you, sitting up and pulling your shirt down as smoothly as he can. You sit up, trying to decide if you should be embarrassed or angry. Facing Jun, frozen midstep with his jaw hanging open a little and Jihoon in the doorway with his arms folded, shaking his head slightly, you opt for the latter. 

“Does no one knock in Colombia?” You frown at him. “And when did you get back? Why didn’t you call?” 

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” he mumbles, staring at his feet. “And you were supposed to be alone, according to my sources.” He glares at Jihoon. 

“YN didn’t say he was coming over,” he says with a shrug. 

You turn your frown to him. “You walked in halfway through the movie, I literally shouted ‘Soonyoung’s over.’” 

“I had my headphones on,” he says, though he’s avoiding your eyes too. Typical of your friends, never claiming responsibility for their actions. 

“So this is Soonyoung,” Jun says, turning to face him. Soonyoung moved to the edge of the bed, too far away for your taste but probably an appropriate distance for your friends, especially compared to what they walked in on. Jun tilts his head. “You dyed your hair.” 

“Yeah,” Soonyoung scratches the back of his head. “Spur of the moment thing.” You miss the blonde, surprisingly fitting considering it isn’t his natural color. But the black suits him too, and probably will help him with law school interviews. Then again, knowing Soonyoung, this color won’t last long either. Good thing there isn’t a color you don’t think suits him. 

“We should do this properly,” Soonyoung says. “Go out for dinner or something.” 

“Hey, I didn’t get dinner,” Jihoon says. 

“You want to get dinner with me?” Soonyoung perks up. 

“No, I’m protesting unfair treatment.” 

“It’s not unfair, I’m just clearly his favorite,” Jun says. 

“Can you guys stop fighting over my boyfriend?” You say. 

Jihoon and Jun stare at you. When Soonyoung turns to face you, he grins, eyes sparkling. 

“What?” 

“You just called him your boyfriend,” Jun says. 

“Well… he is.” You feel your cheeks flush. “Why are you guys making it weird?” 

“It’s not weird,” Soonyoung says. He scoots closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “It’s cute,” he whispers in your ear. “Adorable.” This only makes you flush even more. 

“Well, I don’t want to interrupt, so I’ll just grab this and you two can get back to… whatever.” Jun takes a step towards your bookcase. You grab the pillow that he threw at Soonyoung and nail him in the chest, earning a laugh from Jihoon. 

“Don’t even think about it.” 

“The book is mine, Soonyoung never fulfilled the bet!” Jun says. You stand up, blocking him from your Pride and Prejudice. 

“Hey, I followed through!” Soonyoung says. “We’re dating!” 

“I remember the bet stating that you had to ask YN out after you took the LSAT.” Jun turns to him. 

“And I did,” Soonyoung says. “You never said it had to be right after.” 

Jun eyes him. “That’s cheating.” 

“That’s being a lawyer,” you say. “And I think he’s going to be really good at it.” 

Jun glances between you and Soonyoung and shakes his head. “Whatever, I’ll get my book back another day.” 

You step closer to Soonyoung and he links his pinky with yours. You glance at your friends. “Are you going to stand there forever or are we getting dinner?” 

“You two don’t want to get back to what you were doing?” Jihoon asks. 

You slip your hand into Soonyoung’s. He meets your eyes and he’s only been your boyfriend for two weeks but looking at him is like looking home. There’s no need to rush. 

“Sounds like someone doesn’t want to pick where we go.” 

“We should make them pay, too,” Soonyoung says. 

You grin at him. “You are the smartest person I know.” 

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #10 | 04.01.24

And just like that, March is over! We are heading into a very busy April, but as nervous as we are about it, we are also pretty excited. This month has been full of newly accomplished goals, new challenges, and wonderful milestones! Let's jump into it, shall we?

<<There’s not much information about the figure that greets you in a mysterious occult shop. The only known thing is that they were the beginning of everything…and also the ending.>>

This month we finished the rework and the sprite of the first character you'll meet in the demo! They're as mysterious as they're charming, which makes them specially dangerous...

Also, we finished March with a boom! We opened a casting call to add some voiced lines and soundbites to the demo. We have received a lot of wonderful auditions, more than we expected! It has been overwhelming (in a good way) and so exciting to finally get to this stage of the demo's production! ; v ; Also, as always, Raquel has outdone herself with the artwork—just look at these two! 💜

Another background finished by our wonderful Airyn! 💜 This is one of my favorite ones (I'm afraid I'll say this about every background Airyn works on, but oh well), so now the only step left is to animate it! There's three backgrounds left (all of them in progress), so we hope this month we can make good progress on them!

Coding-wise, the script is almost fully coded. Almost. Ten pages left. Then, I'll start polishing everything—transitions, animations, sprites, some finishing touches on some screens...But honestly, seeing everything finally come together is quite moving. Being super positive, we'll start looking for beta testers at the end of the month for windows and mac. Sadly, I'm not sure if we'll be able to test mobile at the same time, but we'll see! I'm going to work so hard to achieve it!

We are soon starting the legal process to make Ravenstar Games official. We have been looking for information and professional advice these past months to make sure we do the whole process right, as it's a huge (and scary) leap for all of us. As you may or not remember, we started this as a passion project to be able to work the job of our dreams. Everything we have is either made by ourselves or paid with our personal savings, as only one of us has a steady job. It's terrifying to think we are going to do this, to invest what little we have in something we are passionate about but that could sadly not bear any fruit. Of course, we are staying positive and will work as hard as we have been working to make it happen, but doubts and fears arise every now and then! 💜

Also, our masterpost has been updated! Now it matches our itch.io page. There's more info I'd like to tweak here and there, but the important stuff (the premise, duh) has successfully been updated!

We have also started to think about the Kickstarter, as we are getting very very close to the demo release and we want to take as much advantage as possible of the momentum the release may give us. I don't dare to give a date yet, but we are very, very close ; v ;!!!

What a wonderful month! I'll never get tired of saying that. Everything is going great for us and the success of the casting call has given us the little confidence boost we were lacking. Well, at least when it comes to me—blame it on the OCD! As the director and the one who manages all social medias, I'm always worried of my performance, but the team has been there for me whenever I have doubted my abilities. I can only hope April proves to be as fantastic as March has!

Thank you as always for reading, for supporting us, for being there. It means the world to us. Take care, stay hydrated and healthy, and let's see each other next month! 💜

[valdaycare-au]

How come exactly all of them got hired or found the job? (Like for example how did Sasha, who is literally from the russian tundra, found a babysitter job to be fitting, and how did all of them got to be in the exact same workplace???)

Heya! Iris here, in charge of most of the writing (the post text and even some of the in-character responses for the ask submissions) and lore alongside Domi who was in charge of the beautiful, crispy, amazing art you guys are being served with our blog! Now yes, there is lore, there is a story to be told about all of these and we actually planned to do a weekly post about the backstory of how the daycare came to be and how all of the sitters ended up in Little Wonders but both Domi and I are college students and alongside with the submissions, we got dumped so none of the lore tidbits we initially planned are done.

I do, however, have written very juicy notes about that so we'll give you a little preview of the sitter's backstories.

Please take note that this is written within the convenience that all of the agents are living in the same country (or in this case, are immigrants and/or have been born in said undisclosed country) and that the tale of their residence in that country isn't within the scope of this AU. After all, it is quite realistic for other ethnicities to move in and live in other countries for their own reasons.

So, let's begin! (I apologize in advance for the poor verb tenses [i made sure to beta read it, of course] and the google translated spanish. I should really get a hold of my past duolingo lessons 😔)

Sage - Ling Ying Wei

So she is the one that started it all. Little Wonders was quite the old daycare center and as an immigrant in a foreign country, it was quite hard to land a job because of racism and other horrible human things that weren't really inherently helpful. She landed the job at Little Wonders who was owned by an unknown individual who wanted to build a daycare. But the economical inflation caused prices to skyrocket, and the expenses in the daycare had grown demanding—Ying Wei ended up being alone after the owner and everyone else left due to the lack of budget and the loss of their clients because it has gotten unaffordable. (In short, you know those games like Lily's Garden? Yeah, she's Lily and the daycare is her garden.) Ying Wei felt lost, so she decided to vent it out to a friend and this friend decided to help out.

Skye - Kirra Foster

Kirra was the friend to the rescue. Having met in a forum online years (if not decades) ago, Ying Wei and Kirra are tight-knit and are like two peas in a pod that were separated from each other and had been joined again. She is, to put it simply, one of those dedicated online friends that you have. (Except that she actually managed to meet Ying Wei a couple of times and unlike most of us.)

In any case, Kirra heard that Ying Wei was suffering and told her everything. She flew to the country to console her, talk, and eventually offered to help her restore the daycare in its former glory for the reason that it held a special place in her friend's heart. She thought that it was quite absurd—why would Ying Wei, a normal employee, be left with this bankrupt daycare when it's supposed to be the owner's responsibility to rebuild it again? But nonetheless, she stayed and told Ying Wei that she'll only stick around once the repairs and the recuperation is done but like her internet bestie, she grew fond and excited for the daycare's great comeback.

We'll get through this, Ying Wei, you and I. You're the bloody rightful owner of this daycare, 'n we'll make it prosper again, yeah? [redacted] isn't going to get a single penny from when you finally make this work, hear me?

Kirra, I legally do not own the daycare nor do I hold the title. They're still going to get a cent.

Eh, fuck that! I'm telling ya, Ying, if they do come back, we're going to demand full ownership of this place, yeah? Cheer up, mate.

Sova - Sasha Novikov

He was a man destined for greatness—until some tragedy happened that had completely scraped his dream and his career down the drain. Immigrating to a different country, Sasha worked as a salaryman with a discouraged outlook in life. Despite being discouraged, he worked hard and diligently and earned promotions and raises to accompany his loyalty and services. But sometimes life grows bleaker and Sasha thought that his journey as a salaryman was now coming to a close. He decided that he wanted to do something meaningful and thought of jobs that would make him feel fulfilled—finding the hiring poster for Little Wonders flying right to his face (literally). He thought he wouldn't be accepted considering his experiences as a sitter was lacking, but he did. He immediately proved himself to Ying Wei and Kirra and became a formidable member of Little Wonders.

Wh-what the—? A hiring poster for a daycare?

Chamber - Vincent Fabron

Being a Frenchman born in a life of nobility and privilege; Vincent found himself enjoying life in another country after moving in with his parents after graduating with latin honors in Mechanical Engineering in France. It's not like his parents told him to get a job anyway and there's a vast new world to explore; so explore he did. Unfortunately, Vincent got carried away and ended up spending more and more until he was reprimanded by parents who didn't exactly care but felt like they should hold him off anyway.

He was forced to get a job. And getting a job wasn't exactly easy even with connections. If it were in France, he would've landed a job easy but this is a different country. He was forced to grovel. 5 months had passed, and he still wasn't able to find a job. In a moment of desperation, he found the job listing as a babysitter and for some miraculous reason, he was accepted. Maybe it was his strong demeanor, maybe it's his suave and silver tongue, but Vincent who only knew how to take care of dogs ended up as pretty problematic babysitter who tolerates children more than caring for them. Due to the lack of manpower, Ying Wei couldn't bring herself to fire him. He did and still does try to do his job properly and has resorted into doing administrative work more than actual babysitting for the daycare. (But with the presence of new competition, he finds himself working with the kids once more as he now sees his job being compromised.)

Madame Ling, I finally caught them like you requested.

VINCENT WHY ARE YOU HOLDING THOSE KIDS BY THEIR SHIRTS?! ARE YOU INSANE?!

Gekko - Mateo Armendáriz de la Fuente

Wanting to create money for himself and get a working experience from all those seminars his mother (practically) forced him to attend, young and bright Mateo applied for the job recently as a part-timer for the daycare under the recommendation of his family friend and considered aunt, Zyanya Mondragon (who has connections with Miss Ling but that will be elaborated in the future, hopefully?)

As a bubbly and cheerful young man with hopes and dreams (which the other sitters envy), he drew the attention of the children with extreme ease and was regarded as the rising rookie within the staff as he easily befriended the children and played with them. While Vincent saw and has since labelled the college student as a threat (just a little bitter), Sasha and Ying Wei found him as a great addition to the team and had considered hiring him as a full-time babysitter once he graduated college. Mateo is currently majoring in Architecture.

Tienes esto, pequeño. You underwent training, you even got a certification for babysitting specifically. You said you want to earn a little more money so you don't burden your mother, don't you?

L-lo sé, lo sé... I'm just worried that the kids I'll take care of won't like me... you know. They're kinda brutal, mi reina.

Ay, you're a nice kid, Mateo. Cree más en ti mismo, ¿por favor? You're going to do just fine.

Okay, okay, okay.

____________________________

In any case, these can still change overtime until it can be finalized. In the meantime, we both just want to have fun for now and enjoy writing how the sitters react to people wanting to date them. Would there be a dating sim revolving the mommies and daddies—I mean, the sitters in the future? No. JK. Unless? 🤨

We're glad that you're also having fun with this silly little AU that we have! (Hopefully you guys stick around us because we seriously have so much in store. We haven't even introduced the parents yet, but make your guesses!!) All the best and thank you so much for 100 followers here on Tumblr!!

We also created a Twitter/X Account too, yes this is an actual link and not a sentence I wanted to underline for emphasis (because we both thought that Domi might want to separate some non-AU art from her account, but we both love the reach it gives her). Please give us a follow! We love you!

-Iris and Domi

[flfverse]

flfverse family dynamics - modern

so, in a universe with an extra axis of social hierarchy, how does that effect the family structure? especially when that hierarchy is something usually considered Not For Kids?

a big thanks to my betas for this one, because they helped me pin down what i've been trying to work out for a while now--and this was about a year ago from time of posting, so 😬 bit overdue, here.

brief refresher on how d/s dynamics present in this world: kids present roughly around puberty, so tweens and early teens. very much living at home with parents, and too young for a real romantic relationship. i’ve established before that these dynamics are sort of fluid and don’t affect kids as much until their very late teens, because i believe in giving myself as much wiggle room to move around in as possible.

that doesn’t mean that it (bdsm, kink, etc) doesn’t come up. it’s biological. it has to be, on some level, dealt with. for the sake of simplicity, i'm only going to talk about the common/modern conventions here, since i still have to make a post about traditionalism and that is a whole other parenting style.

for the most part, the parents’ role here isn’t too different from our world. they have to teach their kids the right etiquette, safety, and pass on tips and tricks as they become relevant.

on occasion even teens still settling into their orientations will need to sub/dom, for their health and for learning purposes. any sexual scenes are illegal at this stage, and most physical discipline is at least frowned upon, so this mostly comes in the form of giving normal activities like chores and play a dynamic framing.

for submissive kids this is easier, but with doms and switches parents tend to play pretend rather than actually go into subspace, for safety reasons. siblings doing the same with one another is considered a normal part of development/fairly unconcerning, but also not appropriate past the early teens.

thus, familial roles are kept as separate as possible from dom/sub roles. for families who can afford to, it's preferable to outsource the bulk of this education where possible. schools and local city/private clinics will have occasional classes geared toward teens, and there are one-on-one tutoring options as well. minors can also legally enter contracts if they are older than fourteen and have a guardian's permission, and though it is usually frowned upon outside of traditionalist circles it is another option.

i'm still working out the particulars of the laws around dominance and submission, but regardless of what they end up being i imagine guardians would have more leeway with them, much like in other areas where parents have special privileges over their children. parents are also considered legally liable for any scene-gone-wrong type scenarios that may arise (within the family unit, not when it involves their child and unrelated partner(s)). this includes when the parent is the submissive in the scene or if siblings got into trouble by themselves.

however, once a minor is an adult or has bonded (permanently contracted), their family members become, legally speaking, like any other dom, sub, or switch to them, and lose all of those special privileges and liabilities.

that's all i have for now! back to workshopping traditionalism o7

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

childless cat lady painting by Dorothea Tanning.

* * * * *

A piece in the New Yorker fact-checks anti-divorce dude JD Vance's Hillbilly Elegy (and finds out his grandmother filed for divorce in the 1950s and his grandfather did so in 1981; the couple ended up legally separated) but the really important takeaway for me was: "As no-fault divorce became the norm in state after state, domestic-violence rates dropped by some thirty per cent, suicides among women dropped by as much as sixteen per cent, and the number of women murdered by their partners dropped by ten per cent."

In other words, feminism saves lives (including men's; a significant portion of women's spousal homicide is self-defense). Providing better recourse/escape routes benefits everyone, as does delegitimizing domestic violence, recognizing coercive control, and establishing that men and women are equal under the law and in every other way--in other words, that he has no right to do it.

It's feminism that did a lot of the work to bring us no-fault divorce. Here's a 1992 profile of one such woman:

"In her nearly 32 years as a professor at the University of California at Berkeley's School of Law (Boalt Hall), she has cajoled, wheedled, lobbied and persuaded in her mission to use the law to end sex-based discrimination, by reputation combining clear-eyed logic and flawless legal research with impeccable manners.

"How to make trouble without being a troublemaker, that describes my style," Ms. Kay said in an interview this week. "I think that if you are going to help build an institution, you have to be careful not to destroy it in the process."

"Now, long after many people say they expected her to get the job, Ms. Kay, 57 years old, has been named dean of Boalt Hall, the first woman to hold the position. For the female lawyers and law professors who were her students or who know her through her book and other writings on sex discrimination, Professor Kay is a "patron saint" and "godmother," and her appointment is a sweet victory.

"Over the years, Ms. Kay has become a leading scholar in family law and was an author of no-fault divorce legislation that has been adopted in California and other states. She has been a major force in bringing women into law schools and sending them out on graduation to use law to achieve social change.

"After graduating magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa from Southern Methodist University, Ms. Kay entered the University of Chicago Law School. She graduated in 1959, one of three women in a class of 109 students."

Which is also a reminder of how profoundly feminism remade the law and how much Vance and the Republican Party preach regression to almost every form of inequality.

But we still need more feminism because as a recent editorial in the Washington Post states: "One U.S. study found women are twice as likely as men to be convicted of a crime after claiming self-defense; the odds are even worse for a woman of color."

Likewise, restraining orders are a weak tool often not enforced against homicidal spouses intent on punishing women for leaving. Spouses who've often committed earlier violence that went unpunished. Feminism's work continues.

[Rebecca Solnit]

[stereklyrics]

Stiles and Allison are twins and they were raised by Chris (and only Chris) 'cause Chris was Claudia's best friend — Claudia was a hunter, but a good and sane one, she also had magic, so...yeah — and when the Sheriff started drinking a lot, Chris just thought it would be better if he took Stiles and Allison for a while, but for a while became him legally adopting the twins 'cause the Sheriff died in duty. Chris then takes Stiles and Ally away from Beacon Hills and never plans to go back to the city that took so much of him and his kids.

Time goes by and the twins are now 17 and Chris needs to go back to Beacon Hills 'cause the Argent Matriarch wants him to end Gerard and Kate once and for all, seeing that they're a shame for the Argent name. Chris gives Stiles and Allison a option: they can go back with him or stay in the city they're living now. Chris promises that if they choose to stay he won't hold it against them. Both decide to go.

When they arrive at the Beacon Hills High School, Scott was immediately obsessed with Allison, and she wasn't interested 'cause her interest was all on Lydia. Scott kept stalking Allison and asking her out and being creepy in general. Stiles had enough, he started asking around about Scott and found out Scott is a Werewolf, which is good for him he can use that to threaten Scott, since he and Allison were trained to be hunters by their mom and Chris since they were like 4 or something. Stiles tries threatening Scott in every way possible, but it doesn't seem to go through the stupid wolf's head he's being threatened so Stiles just says "Fuck it" and shoots Scott's ass...Literally. Stiles shoots Scott right in the ass, with arrows and bullets (silver bullets, 'cause he isn't shooting to kill). And even if they don't get along, Scott goes to whine about it to Derek.

Derek knows that there's a hunter family that just moved to Beacon Hills, but he expected them to be sane and reasonable, since they followed all rules and protocols, but apparently he was wrong. Derek goes to confront Stiles about why he shot an innocent werewolf, to which Stiles replies "Innocent? I'm sorry but your beta might be innocent of murder, but he isn't innocent AT ALL. He has been stalking my sister since we moved here, you see, she likes them sane so she didn't waste time on him. She is tired of telling him to leave her alone. I'M tired of threatening your fucking stupid beta to stay away from my sister. He doesn't listen. So yeah, I might have overreacted by shooting him so many times, but I can't say I wouldn't do it again 'cause I would. And if he still keeps being creepy and keeps stalking my sister, then I WILL shoot to kill and I wouldn't be punished for it 'cause I would be on my right." Derek stays silent for a bit and then says "Fair enough. Though I have to say, he's not my beta, he's part of my pack just enough to avoid having an omega running wild here." Stiles shrugs and says "Well, now that this is solved, is there anything else I can help you with?" to which Derek replies "Yes. You can go on a date with me, what do you think?" and Stiles replies "Why yes, I would be honoured to go on a date with you."

The date goes extremely well that 5 years later they get married. Allison and Lydia are the wedding planners. And Lydia proposes to Allison not long after Sterek's wedding.

[unpopularbunny]

This lowkey been a long time coming if I’m being honest. I am also a massive fucking hypocrite because I will avoid Baku/kiri/reader fics but this??? This right here??? 🙇‍♀️ I’m on the floor baby. (Ngl this has like a pinch of body shaming in it, just wanna preface by saying I do not hate any specific group of people based on any physical trait they may have. I just want more love for big girlies.)

Pairing: chifuyu/reader/baji

You already know: reader is a fat girl!!!!! everyone’s an adult, no set timeline, fuck it we ball 🏀, paranormal slutivity, your fave mans is a whore, public shenanigans, reader lowkey under the influence but there’s no dub/noncon, no beta reader again so if u point out any flaws ur being mean to me and if ur mean to me I’ll die, reblogs make u SO big brained 🗿🗿

Minors: ur mama know what you doin? I’m telling 💥

A/n: I’ll add a readmore when i get home and can make sure tumblr wont eat my post when I do.

🌹🌷🌹

you just wanted to be different for once. To ignore years of mass media telling you how to dress, to feel wild and FREE. you wanted tight revealing clothes and makeup all over your face, you wanted men to jaw drop and double take at the sight of your hips swaying.

This fantasy never got far and you never predicted you’d end up between two friends who always shared in the name of brotherly camaraderie.

Leeeets take it back about a week.

You weren’t by any means conservative in your day by day fashion, you just didn’t dress how you truly wanted to. You were always worried about the stares you’d get, stares that dared to ask ‘does she know she’s embarrassing herself?’. As time went on the urge to free yourself from the confines of stretchy jeans and sweaters was too much to ignore any longer. All it took was one night of drinking at home for you to blow nearly half a paycheck on clothes that were one inch away from getting you in legal trouble. You felt justified in this, it was your turn damnit!!! You were tired of hours doom scrolling on your phone and watching all the pretty skinny girls be drowned in affection, you wanted to make people notice you. You wanted to make men think about you as you walked passed, you deserved attention and people to fawn over you.

Needless to say, the next day you realized how fucking delusional your thinking was the night before.

You nursed a headache all through the day and when you got home you were greeted by your roommate in the livingroom looking like the cat that caught the mouse. Next to her on the couch was a plastic package, she shook it at you wiggling her eyebrows and you snatched it from her before she could even ask and shuffled to your room. You could hear her cackling. It’s not like you had any kind of bad blood with your roommate, you two were actually childhood friends, you just didn’t want anyone to see your secrets.

You showered and stood in your room, staring at the package on your bed before deciding fuck it and ripping it open. You couldn’t even remember what all you ordered anyway. Most of the articles of clothing were black, save for some racy sets of underwear you thought looked cute. You refused to believe any of it could fit you, it seemed so….small. There was no way in hell you were going to give up now though, you spent all that fucking money so there was no reason not to try the clothes on.

A mistake really.

They fit you far too good.

Sure, it was tight, but not uncomfortably so, in fact the tightness felt comforting in a way? The tops hugged your curves and even though your tummy peaked out at the bottom, you thought it looked cute in a way. The skirts wouldn’t stay down, rolling up your ass when you paced your room, you’d definitely have to wear a jacket with those. The pants needed belts, your waist to hip ratio was too different for them to stay up. They felt tigh and constricting on your hips and thighs, but there was plenty of waist room. After posing a bit in your mirror you sort of lost yourself for a bit. Falling in love with your curves and admiring how your body had so many wonderful attributes.

You almost screamed when someone’s knocked on the door.

You failed to lock it and it was your downfall.

Your roommate was all gasps and awes’ at your state. She paced around you like a tiger and assaulted you with compliments, no matter how you tried to shush her and make excuses, she wouldn’t hear it. She made you re-try on all the clothes so she could see them all. It felt like you were back to school shopping with your mom, except this time she wasn’t forcing you into bullshit khakis and polos. It actually turned into a bunch of fun as she gave you tips for accessorizing and hair styling.

When all was calmed down and you two were on the couch she took your weakness and vulnerability as a chance to strike like the snake she is.

She insisted you two go out this weekend!

You couldn’t even shoot her down, she had just spent the last hour boosting your ego and self esteem that you mumbled out a small ‘I guess’. She clapped her hands in glee and started firing off names of bars and clubs and she got the same responses from you every time ‘you pick’ and ‘I’ve never been there before.’ The most you told her is that you wanted to go somewhere you wouldn’t be recognized by coworkers or other friends and colleagues.

She just threw her head back and laughed, saying that you wouldn’t be recognizable with those clothes on anyway.

You couldn’t help but feel a little paranoid about what she had in store for you.

🌹 🌷 🌹

The week went by too fast for your liking and every time you tried to back out of the plans you were strongarmed by your roommate. She wasn’t going to let you go that easy. When Saturday arrived you tried avoiding her, but she was more determined than you’ve ever seen her.

You gave in and let her do with you as she pleased.

She picked out your outfit from the new clothes you bought and dug around your closet for some platforms you’d bought years ago but never worn (amazingly they still fit regardless of your calves.). She styled your hair and even did your makeup (you still got to pick the colors (: ), you felt like a sacrifice being painted up before the ritual.

How close to this assumption you were.

The club she dragged you two was some hole in the wall in shibuya with low lights and loud music. You were sweating before you even went in and it was only hotter once you two were inside. You could feel the bass shoot through your entire body and you felt so nervous and couldn’t look anywhere but the floor. Your friend ordered you both a few drinks, or rather ‘liquid courage’ she dubbed it. You were thankful for it, seeing as after a few drinks you felt much more comfortable in your skin than before. Your friend excused herself to the bathroom and you smiled and waved her off as she went, taking a few more sips of whatever new fruit concoction was in front of you.

After a few moments you were occupied on both sides by two new people. You glanced to your right and had to look up to see the man, Jesus Christ, even with platforms on he still had a few inches on you. He had long silky black hair, brown eyes, and a smile so sinister you would normally feel scared. You smiled right back and when you glanced to your left you were a few inches taller than other man. This man had short cut black hair, the cutest green eyes you’d ever seen, and ear piercings. Speaking of ears, the tips of his seemed to be tinted a little….pink?

You weren’t sure what to do now that men approached you first so you went back to looking down at your drink and sipping at it. You were a little hunched over and caught bits and pieces of the men having a conversation over your head. ‘You like this one?’ ‘Baji don’t objectify women like that, its kinda gross.’ ‘I’m just trying to help is all’ His laugh caught you off guard and you jumped.

“Eh? What’s wrong girlie? Did we scare you?” You glanced to your right and..baji? Was leaning down into your personal space. When you leaned back you were leaning into his friend, who didn’t exactly seem to hate your body pressing into his.

“No- you’re just a little…close is all” you were surprised anyone could hear you over the music.

“C’mon baji let’s le-“ baji waved his hand and chifuyu stopped.

“Wanna dance with us?” He was pressing himself against your side, his hand gliding up your thigh towards your hips. He laughed at the confused face you responded with, “yeah girlie, both of us, unless that ain’t your type thing. I just assumed on account of how you dressin and all.” You couldn’t tell if your face was hot from being drunk or the embarrassment.

You should feel outraged at the fact that he assumed you were a loose woman but…..was that such a bad thing? You wanted to feel desired, you wanted to be lusted after, and it was happening. He wasn’t using force, in fact his hand was merely resting at the small of your back rubbing small circles. You were still in a public place so it’s not as if he could do anything to you, you didn’t dress up to weigh the pros and cons. You downed the rest of your fruity drink and nodded, relinquishing yourself to whatever ungodly fate awaited you.

“Atta girl,” He took one hand while his friend took your other and gently led you away from the bar, “we’re gonna have so much fun with you tonight sweetie.” It was like micro-dosing danger. Every smile and laugh having some sinister undertone.

But god was it fun.

🌹 🌷 🌹

You got the hang of dancing in clubs a few years ago, it wasn’t hard, it didn’t take any special skill. You just needed to know what to do with your hips and hands.

Which you were currently struggling to do.

You’d danced with other men before, but mostly one at a time, never quite….like this.

You had your back against baji, his hands were on your hips to guide you. He was guiding you to sway against him, every so often pressing his hardon against your ass. one of your arms were up and behind you, wrapped around his neck to keep him close. Your other arm was front of you, draped over the shoulder of his more reserved friend (who you still had to get a name from), whom was doing things that contradicted the cool demeanor he gave off. He was pressed as close as he could be, his pelvis pushed against yours so you got a good idea of the fun he was having. Even if he didn’t do the best job of showing it. He was so close his nose would brush yours every so often and you expected him to kiss, but he didn’t. His hands were at your waist, holding a little tighter than expected, as if he were giving your exposed flesh squeezes here and there.

Something about this felt so shamelessly erotic.

You were so wrapped up that you didn’t give a thought to your friend who had gone to the bathroom, she probably had seen you by now and didn’t want to interrupt. You felt so transfixed on the green eyes infront of you and the hands sliding down your waist to your thighs and pulling up the edges of your skirt-

“Shhh don’t make a scene-“ you had seized up but Baji’s guiding hands kept you moving, “you like this don’t you?” It was his friend, his voice was much firmer, “That’s why you’re here, like this, between us. You want it.” His hand was under your skirt and sliding up up up. So fucking slow that you shifted just to get his hand between your legs faster. Just as his fingers brushed the forming wet spot on your panties, you could hear baji laugh against your neck on the other side of you.

“How the fuck are you so good at spotting the good ones chifuyu” was that his name? A man had his fingers pressed against your clit and you’re just now learning his name?

“Eh? What do you mean so good?” He shot back, his hand was in your panties, rubbing and petting at your clit while having a normal conversation as if you weren’t between them.

“Look at her!” You moaned and grinded against chifuyus hand, doing your best to make them focus on you again, “Perfect size to split between us and such a cute cheeks!” One of baji’s hands came up and pinched your cheek for emphasis.

“Do you honestly believe that every decision i make is backed by some deep analysis?” He laughed, “I guessed!” You arched as two fingers slid inside of you and curled, any noise you made was cut off by chifuyu kissing you. His kiss was desperate. The fingers inside you moved, slowly and carefully- god his tongue was inside your mouth now and you were suffocating but your head was absolutely floating. It was just so hard to keep focus on your surroundings. So many sensations- you could feel slick beginning to coat your thighs as his hand moved faster and you got sloppier. When he pulled away your lipstick was smeared on his mouth and there was a hazy look in his eyes. He buried his face against your neck on one side and baji was on the other. Chifuyu hand was between your legs and one of bajis hands had found it’s way under your shirt and was giving your nipple an unforgiving pull and twist. You three were pressed so close together that no one could really figure out what was happening, not that anyone was going to stop it.

They owned the bar after all.

Chifuyu tilted his hand and when his thumb brushed your clit your legs wobbled and baji had to focus on keeping you upright against him. Chifuyu smiled and laughed, the first you’d seen tonight, and you felt embarassed all over again.

“Hey! Don’t go falling apart on us sweet heart, we aren’t even close to being done with you yet.” Baji was encouraging you and the whine you let out only encouraged him tenfold.

Rather than fight against the waves and risk drowning, you went with the flow and closed your eyes and relaxed into them. You’d never had such a lavish experience of having two pretty boys give you attention like this. It was way past overstimulating but not in a bad way, you’d worry about that in the morning. Right now you your moans were escalating with the music. When said music began to dip but your voice didn’t follow suit, one of bajis hands wrapped tightly around your mouth while chifuyu increased pace.

“Thaaats it,” chifuyu whispered into your neck, “Make a mess for me.”

“You might wanna hold on tight girlie,” Baji mocked, “He overachieves.” You moved your arms so both of them were wrapped around chifuyu.

You had never been more thankful for loud ass music more than now. Had it not been for whatever club mix was on, everyone would hear the sloppy wet lewd noises of the three fingers that were buried inside of you. Any words or pleas you voiced were muffled and baji took on the sole responsibility of holding you up while chifuyu gladly drove you to climax.

They were both so goddamn obscene in their own right. Not only did they casually whisper conversation to eachother about all the wonderful things you three could get up to together, but they each had individual plans for you. Baji wanted to try having you all to himself for a day to see what other kinds of clothes he could put you in and then rip off of you. Chifuyu mentioned something about ‘giving support’ under his desk while he had stressful days at work. Baji definitely agreed with that and had the fucking drive to ask what you felt like inside.

“Inside? Like heaven.” Chifuyu made it sound like a sin, “She’s so slippery and soft.” Stop stop stop! “What about her mouth?” As if on unspoken command, baji shoved two fingers right into your mouth and pet at your tongue. You drooled so easily and licked without hesitation.

“She’s already drooling,” He shoved his fingers deeper, he did it so fast you gaged and coughed, “Gag reflex? We can fix that sweetheart.” Danger alarms began to fire off in your head, unfortunately they went ignored in lieu of the heat in your lower stomach. You were so close and desperate you just let them carry on, anything to keep the fingers inside of you.

Your whole body seized up when you came and you were truly astonished you didn’t blackout completely. They laughed in amazement at the sight of your eyes rolling back and the way you arched. You were putty in their hands, laying limp back against baji but still holding onto chifuyu.

Maybe going out wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

[symphonic-scream]

⭐️ for persona 5 aus?

Gotcha!

Okay since you gave me a star and asked for P5 and I've gotten a feel for the kind of AU's you like based on when I see you in my notes (HI BESTIE!!), I'm bringing back my first ever arcana swap

And for the first time ever, I'm gonna talk about the Beta Version

//

It all started with Chariot Makoto and Lovers Haru. I'd just read an unfinished fic with Lovers Makoto and World Haru, and well, I wanted to try something like that

At first it was a Fool Futaba, so it was goober first year with their only friends being the gayass third years. Magician Akira, for the hilarity of sassy cat

Yusuke became the Fool when I got attached to the idea of Yusuke and Haru being friends, from another fic again. This one had them get legally married to give Yusuke groceries before staging a divorce. So. Foolsuke

Cap, my bestie, of course suggested the brilliance of Devil Akira, so. I needed a new Magician, someone to be the straight man to the chaos I'd created. So, Goro

Anyways that's the history of it lemme go off a bit

So it's Foolsuke, his Thief name is Jester. He's not as strong of a personality as Joker, but he makes up for it with his drama, his poses, his long speeches of Justice and Rebellion. He wears the Shujin uniform normally for the most part, but his blazer is always open

Magician Goro is a bird in the real world, but human in the Metaverse. His Thief name is Crow, though his bird form is a robin. He has the prince outfit Goro has in P5, and instead of the Monabus, there's a white limo, a bird emblem on the hood

Chariot Makoto is tired of being told how to feel, what to do, how to live. She's stepping out of her sister's shadow, since she's already been cast out after lies spread by a certain teacher. Top grades, low attendance, leather jacket and uniform pants. Her Thief name is Knight, and at the end of the day, she's perhaps a little too self-sacrificial

Lovers Haru feels alone for so long. When her dad calls, it feels like he's not really listening. Would he even believe her, if she told him about how a certain teacher treats her? She's tired of not standing up for herself, but to gather the courage, she just needs someone, anyone, to hear her call for help. Or, for her to witness an extreme... Her Thief name is Eros, and she hates seeing good people hurt

Emperor Futaba has been lied to her whole life. She thinks her foster father Madarame is a good man, who just needs a hand with programming sometimes. She thinks her mom died naturally. She thinks she doesn't need anyone else in her life. Only when forced to witness the bloody truth, does the rage within burst free. Python, that's her thief name. She'll make sure those that cloud the horrible truth are paid what they're due

Priestess Hifumi plays Shogi, attends student council meetings to improve her reputation, and trusts her mother isn't up to anything. Then, weird things happen to the students around her, and the nicer items in her home disappear. Kaneshiro's strings control Shibuya like a puppeteer, and it takes her too long to see the strings lying across the Shogi board, pulling at her peers and mother. She goes by Rook. A great planner, she's more than eager to prove she earned her wins after all

Hermit Ryuji lies awake, remembering the smell of booze, the shouts of a bastard man, the pained scream of his mom. He feels the phantom pains where his right leg used to be, and is now a stump that ends at the knee. On good days, he streams video games, with a digital avatar. On bad days, he can't forget that he's the reason his mom isn't around. He asks for help from people he's never met, and opens up for the first time since Tae Takemi first took him in. Compass guides them from his floating ship, his prosthetic a cool ass pirate peg, and he feels helpful when he shoots canonball boosts at his friends

Empress Ann is the face of teenage beauty, both in Europe and Japan. She, hates the flashing cameras. Her parents are up to something behind the flashes, and she's ignored it for too long. Though, her deadline approaches fast. They want to scurry back to Europe, take Ann from school and have their doll of a daughter model for the highest bidder there, escaping their sins in Japan. Ann becomes Puma, a thief who wants to bring back the passionate parents she remembers

Justice Yuuki shoots two palace leaders. His podcast is toxic, and his audience grows by the day. Behind the scenes, he's an attack dog, a chain wrapped around his neck, held tight by Shido. He tricks the Thieves, has them call him Gamma. On November 20, he looks Yusuke Kitagawa in the eyes and pulls a trigger

Faith Kasumi Sumire is a dancer. She's a Shujin for ballet, moving with such grace and delicate passion that she's destined for greatness. Only, something's wrong... But that's not a big issue, Dr Maruki is helping her recover after she lost her sister.

Kasumi makes a decision. Puts away the glasses that don't help her, ties up her brown hair. When the Thieves ask her what she wants them to call her, she answers with Scarlet

Okay I'm sorry about the long paragraphs here's some little bits for the other arcana

Hierophant is Tae Takemi, with her experimental coffee shop, and her adopted son

Fortune Shinya. He stands in the shadows at the arcade, tossing a few coins. Says he knows a way to change your future. He never messes up the script given to him by his mom's strange boyfriend.

Strength Morgana. He starts human, and when he finds himself again, he becomes Monster Cat

Hanged Man Kawakami. She got into some bad stuff after believing she led to a kid's death

Death Lavenza is a recent med school grad, who's younger sisters call themselves drug dealers, when really they just help Lavenza with some basic pharmaceutical stuff

Temperance Sae. A teacher, who didn't believe her sister over her coworker. She feels like a failed teacher, and failed sister

Devil Akira! He runs the school newspaper, known as the Tea Party, it's. Unofficial. He hangs out at the gay bar, Crossroads

Tower Kaoru Iwai. He posts an ad looking for a high schooler to teach him how to be more sociable. He says it's to get girls, but he's building up the courage to try to reach out to his dad

Star Yoshida. He sits in the park, playing chess with anyone who will sit and talk with him. He has many regrets, and honestly just wants to meet someone who will talk with him

Sun Ohya. A reporter who feels like she's lost her voice, doing what she's been told, not reporting what she believes. Teaches Yusuke better ways to phrase his wording and shit

Moon Shiho! Local discord mod notices the weird kids in her class being extra weird, and decides to be their social media manager. She's the one that asks them to help save their Empress, her girlfriend

Judgement Sojiro. Still working as, an agent of sorts, he's highly trained in interrogation. He feels weird about using his skills on a high schooler...

I love this swap so much,, I miss you Chaos Arcana Swap

[ma-lark-ey]

Lark Liveblogs Literature Part ???: All For The Game Series - Nora Sakavic

I'm doing something a little bit different with this one! In the business of full disclosure, I read TFC (and about a chapter of TRK) in April this year, decided "I can't mcfucking do this" and then gave up. And then didn't stop thinking about Neil Josten for the next eight months and now we're BACK. So, instead of properly 'liveblogging,' unlike most first-reads I do, I'm actually annotating this one because it's too good to NOT.

That means I have a customized (so totally legal mhm) word doc, highlight/unline privileges, and audacity.

Here's what I knew before I read back in April (stolen from my beta version of this post);

Andrew Minyard: Gay(?), funniest bitch alive if Tumblr brackets are to be trusted. Murderer? Has Boyfriend???

Sports. Maybe. Yes? sports.

Drugs are involved. Somehow.

Now, here's where I am going in now;

Ranking the Foxes goes; Neil, Aaron, Dan, Kevin, Andrew, Renee, Matt, Nicky

I have no idea how exy works, I do don't plan on figuring it out.

Do not remember if I read TRK but what I remember happening is far too much to be just the 230 page doc that is TFC so I MUST HAVE right?

Do know his real name's Nathaniel because I did read that scene reveal and get JUMPSCARED by my brother's name.

How this is going to work is that I'm going to put in my annotations for each chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 1:

"You can't be serious." "Very serious, and very out of time,"

"were a team of talented rejects and junkies because Wymack only recruited athletes from broken homes...nice in theory, but it meant his players were fractured isolationists who couldn't get along long enough to get through a game."

"God damn it, Minyard. This is why we can't have nice things."[1] "Oh, Coach," someone said over Neil's head. "If he was nice, he wouldn't be any use to us, would he?" "He's no use to us if you break him." "You'd rather I let him go? Put a band-aid on him and he'll be good as new."[2]

[1] This is why we can’t have nice things, darling. Because you break them. I have to take them away

[2] Andrew I’ll kiss you

"blond and five feet even"[1]

blond? wrong. five foot even? correct.

"They were champions, and Neil was a jumble of lies and dead-ends."[1]

[1] Neil your self-loathing is showing

"It's not a good idea." "Your opinion has been duly noted and dismissed,"

"It was proof he existed, same as this game they both played. Kevin was proof Neil was real."

"It's about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you." Neil had heard Wymack referred to as an idealistic idiot by more than one person, but it was hard to listen to him and not believe that he was sincere

"It sounded like a dream; it tasted like damnation"

notes:

nothing much to say on chapter one--- it's a standard introductory chapter to a contemporary(ish) novel.

Wymack sets up the series' key theme with his line, "It's about second chances, Neil. Second, third, fourth, whatever, as long as you get at least one more than what anyone else wanted to give you."

Kevin's demeanor in this chapter is very similar to the Kevin we see up until Raven's come into play--- He's very good at acting very standoffish and tough.

The shift in Kevin when Riko comes into play was actually so dramatic I didn't recognize him here, I was afeared

some of the quotes I've added here are obviously because I thought they were funny exchanges--- others are me English Majoring(tm), and others are just me marking plot, characterization, facts, etc.

admittedly what i've put here is about half of what is actually highlighted/underlined in my doc.

I want to study the dynamic between Neil & Wymack under a microscpe

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️ AnalyzGolden's Reactions To Disventure Camp Season 1: All Eliminations, Plot Twists, Etc. *Merge COMPILATION* ☀️

This Post is compilation of my reactions to Disventure Camp's Eliminations, Plot Twists, & Overall Big Moments.

For those of my followers who don't know, Disventure Camp is an independent animated YouTube show by OddNation Cartoons, that originated as a Total Drama fanfiction.

But due to legal stuff (Fresh TV HATES it when fan stuff of their shows get attention), they found a way around it by changing up the show to make it original, with completely original characters and settings. Because of this, they remade the first season after Season 2 was already done and published, and the remake (which is the version I watched) is the one that is canon to the show's story.

Btw, the original Season 1 that they made before this drama is now considered the 'beta' version, and it's not canon to the show's story. So you don't HAVE to watch the beta to understand anything, but it's there. (maybe one day I'll react to that too)

Obviously, BIG SPOILERS for this show.

So if you haven't watched it yet, I encourage you to watch it first and then check out these posts from me. The show is free on YouTube. They have it both in English and Spanish.

Check Out This Post For A Fast Travel To My Full Reactions To The Season

I AM planning on making more posts about this show, so look forward to those. (Including A Tier List post, compilations of the more funnier bits, etc)

With the exception of a couple of meme bits, THIS COMPILATION POST WON'T CONTAIN THE SCREENSHOTS. Tumblr has an image limit of 30 images per post.

So if you want the screenshots, see my episode reactions.

I also had to split this into two parts (again) because it got too big and Tumblr wouldn't allow it.

<< Premerge Compilation

Without further ado, let's get right into the CHAOS that ensued with this!

Tom's Termination

Why is Tom depressed?

"Can we speak?"

"I'm trying to wallow in the darkness in my heart."

"Shortly before I came here, I ended a relationship that was very toxic and I got hurt."

Oh he's telling Tom this. Okay. I approve. He deserves to know.

How many people have he told this to? Miriam, Ellie, now Tom?

"HEY GUYS, DO YOU THINK JAKE WAS IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?! I CAN'T TELL!"

I'm not annoyed by it, I'm cracking a bad joke

"These aren't excuses for how I've been treating you, but I want you to know I feel terrible."

You yelled at him ONCE. And you apologized for it three times now.

I wouldn't count that as "I've treated you terribly this entire time".

I'm glad he's making this clear though. He knows when to take accountability.

"I said I was sowwy, pwease fowgive me!"

"I have a hard time trusting people, Tom, I just... talking to you makes me forget sometimes how shitty life can be. I don't want to lose that."

This is actually good on Jake's end. He's explaining his situation to Tom, not excusing it, and trying to be open and honest.

"After all this is over, I would love if... you and I... we... continue-"

"Jake."

Why is Tom so pissy? He wasn't like this last episode.

"I got a call last night... I got fired."

😨

WHAT?!?!?!?!

HE GOT FIRED?!?!?!?!?!?

WH-WH-HOW?!?! HOW-?!

*Golden.exe has stopped working*

OH MY GOD...

I DID NOT EXPECT THAT BEING WHERE THIS STORY WAS HEADING.

SO HIS MISSION FAILED?!

Maybe he'll explain it. I'll keep listening.

"A video in which YOU mentioned my work was uploaded to the Internet and my boss saw it."

OH...

*covered mouth* Oh my god...

JAKE, YOU FUCKED UP BEYOND REPAIR

THERE IS NO REPAIRING THIS

You got your crush fired, now you suffer significant consequences for the rest of your days.

Well Tom is DEFINATELY not gonna want to be around you ever again.

"I'm so sorry-"

"Not now."

"Tom, if you need anyone to-"

"I SAID NOT NOW."

*storms off*

GOD...

I can't imagine how that makes Tom feel though. Getting fired because of a guy you liked...

OH WAIT CAUSE I PUT TOM IN THE HEADING LAST EPISODE. SHIT. I CAUSED THIS.

I THOUGHT I DIDN'T JINX ANYONE LAST EPISODE.

Episode 8 Elimination + Gabby/Ellie Kiss

"Tonight, we won't just be reading the votes..."

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH MY GOD IT'S A TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND REFERENCE

THEY DID THIS SAME THING ON THEIR FIRST MERGE COUNCIL TOO

'GABBY'

YEAH YEAH WE KNOW...

OH GOD I'M SCARED NOW...

IT'S EITHER GABBY OR JAKE AND BOTH ARE GONNA HURT

'GABBY'

"This is for getting me out of today's challenge."

BEEF.

'GABBY'

And then it's gonna be all the Jake votes piling up.

'TOM'

OH WAIT THEY'RE VOTING TOM. WAIT A MINUTE.

NO IT'S TOM THAT'S GOING.

I mean I'm not saying that's a bad move, it's a good move, but...

'TOM'

OH I'M SORRY TOM. THIS IS IT FOR YOU.

'GABBY'

WAIT WHAT??!?!?!?!

NOOOOOO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!??!?!

SHE'S ON YOUR SIDE!!!!

"Now without Gabby, Ellie will have no choice but to return with us to her old alliance."

SHE WAS ALREADY WITH YOU, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT!

THAT RUINS YOUR CHANCES TO ALLY WITH HER!!!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??!!

'GABBY'

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO COME ON THAT'S BULLSHIT

THAT'S A BULLSHIT GAME MOVE!!

DON'T DO THIS!!!!

'GABBY'

😨

"Gabby. That's six votes. You're out."

GABBY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm actually HURT

I'm actually DEVASTATED...

OMG GABBY NOOOOOOOOOO

Okay, I'm calming down...

GOD I'M MAD. I'M SO MAD.

"I knew something was wrong."

HUH, at least now Ellie KNOWS who to trust, right?!

At least Jake came CLEAN about who his alliance was voting for! Fiore's DIDN'T.

HUH, I WONDER WHICH ALLIANCE I SHOULD SIDE WITH

That's a nail in the coffin. Ellie is NEVER siding with the villains.

I hope that gameplay was sounded smart on your ends.

Okay no I'll talk about this later.

"They ruined my plans."

OH YEAH NOW SHE'S OUTTED.

Fiore, you fucked up your entire game.

"You can make fun and celebrate all you want, but it won't last long! The three of you are still outnumbered."

OOF. And she just flat out said it.

"I am NOT working with you after this! You can't make me!"

"If you still had your totem, you could've saved yourself."

Yeah... should've kept that idol.

OH WAIT I PUT GABBY IN THE HEADING, I JINXED HER ELIMINATION, GODDAMMIT!!!

NO, I CAUSED THIS!!!

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT HER IN THE HEADING!!!

"I'm happy I saved you. You're the only person here who has ever taken me seriously, and possibly the only person I've ever met who has made me feel... valid."

💗

"Because you are! There's nothing wrong with you."

YOU BET THERE'S NOT. YOU'RE WONDERFUL, GABBY.

"I hope we'll keep talking when this is all over."

"We will."

*Kiss*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

YEEEESSSS!!!

*I got a 'Speak No Evil' trailer ad*

WOW. TONAL WHIPLASH THERE.

Tom Face Reveal + Tom/Jake Kiss

"Any update about your job?"

He got FIRED. I don't think you get an update after that.

"Anyway, I haven't been sure for awhile if this is what I really want..."

Oh?

You didn't want to be a spy?

"...or if I'm even good at it..."

Uh...

Yeah, you weren't, I'm gonna be brutally honest.

You can find a new job. One that you love. One where you can work AND maintain relationships.

"You think you weren't meant to be a spy?"

"I don't know. But it's not like I have a choice anymore."

Yeah... that's a hard situation. I can relate to that.

AH-!

OH MY GOD.

I DIDN'T-OH MY GOD...

"I don't work there anymore... I don't need this..."

So he WAS wearing that for his job! So he's ditching his career?!

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH...

Oh THAT'S why...

I was thinking awhile it would be that he had a scarred face, but I wasn't sure. AND I was joking about it this whole time. God I feel awful now...

I'm trying to look at this properly. What happened? Was he in a fire or something? I can't tell cause it's a cartoon, but that MIGHT be burn scars?????

I don't know, maybe he's gonna explain it.

"My first job was a couple months ago. I was sloppy and I got found out. Things went wrong, and my captors... gave me this..."

😨

OH MY GOD, HE WAS TORTURED?!?!?!

HOLY-I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE GONNA GO THAT DARK WITH IT.

Holy god, I can't even imagine. I don't want to imagine Tom getting tortured like that.

"The boss wasn't happy. I was tasked to come onto this show as a contestant to investigate it. This job was my last chance, and I blew it."

Ouch...

"Were you using that mask to hide your identity or... were you...?"

"That's just an excuse. The truth is I... I felt ashamed..."

Aw...😢

"But you look good, Tom."

Awwwwww...💗

*Kiss*

...wwwwAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH MYY GOD!!!!

*I got out of my chair and paced around for a minute*

AAAAAAAHHHH💗

*I'm giddy and out of breath*

I didn't expect them to kiss today... oh my god...

YEEESSS!!! I FEEL VALIDATED!!!!!

Oh my god, Tom Face Reveal. AND... ship name kiss, IN THE SAME SCENE. That's too much for the feels.

Jam. It's Jam isn't it? I don't have jam on me right now.

I actually don't like eating jam. I'm not a jelly person.

Okay okay okay, I'm sorry. I'll keep going.

"...I'm not."

Aw 💗

"Attention campers! Challenge time!"

Oh screw you!

They're good for each other. They're actually good for each other.

I HAD MY DOUBTS. But they do work.

*I had to get water* (Y'all keep your dirty jokes about that)

Ellie Gets 'Disarmed & Killed' (BLOOD TW)

"What happened with your mask?"

Oh yeah they don't know...

God it's SO WEIRD seeing Tom without the mask now.

OH SHIT-

UM, HELLO?!?!?!

IM SORRY, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!?!

“What the hell is that?!”

My thoughts exactly Ellie!

DID THEY WAKE UP IN THE FUTURE?! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!

I'M WATCHING A TOTAL DRAMA FANFICTION, RIGHT?!?!

"It looks like a-a-a person..."

"Like a dead person?!"

Tom, you killed a guy!

OH GOOD LORD-

YEAH WE'RE NOT WATCHING DISVENTURE CAMP ANYMORE

If you asked me what my predictions were for this show: "Let's make a PLOT TWIST in the middle of the show and turn it into a zombie apocalypse 'The Walking Dead' show" Would NEVER be on my list.

WHAT THE HELL

I mean if you know me, you know I like death game stories...

But surprisingly, I don't actually like zombie apocalypse stories. It's not just my cup of tea.

Because zombie apocalypse stories are just so bloody hopeless and there's absolutely no way out of inevitable fate. It's just "This is hell, wait till it's your turn to die."

And I just naturally find that less compelling than stuff like Hunger Games, Squid Game, and Danganronpa, where there IS a possibility to escape your fate, even if it's really small.

With these kinds of stories, I'm just waiting for everyone to die. So I get less attached.

That's just my opinion.

"Did you hear that?!"

"Sounded like gunshots!"

"Don't worry guys! It's just Tom killing a man! It's fine!"

"I KISSSED A SERIAL KILLER?!?!"

I mean, I WOULD say this is all a stage show. Like these are just people wearing makeup.

BUT YOU CAN'T FAKE TOM KILLING A GUY.

UNLESS YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATH WORSE THAN CHRIS MCLEAN

XD

"I don't care if he's a serial killer! HE'S MY LOVE! WE'RE LETTING HIM IN. WHAT'S THE WORSE THAT COULD HAPPEN?!"

"What's going on?!"

"Ellie why do you have ketchup splashed all over your face?"

"They looked like people, but they're not!"

"I would never kill a man! I swear!!"

"What if it was a woman?"

"...shit!!"

"Is that... a bite?"

OH SHIT

They're not gonna KILL Ellie, right?!

Cut off her arm, and she might be saved!

"...well, one step closer to winning."

GRETT. WTF?! YOU"RE A PSYCHOPATH!!!

I mean I'm not surprised. BUT WTF?!

"I think we... have to... cut off your arm."

NO I WAS JUST JOKING, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT?!?!?!?!?

"GOLDEN IS OUR OVERLORD AND SHE TOLD ME TO SAVE YOU BY CUTTING OFF YOUR ARM!!!"

"Isn't this just a silly challenge?!"

GOD I HOPE SO

CAUSE THIS IS FUCKED UP

OH MY GOD THEY'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT...

I'M SORRY ELLIE!!!

"So... this ISN'T a challenge?"

YOU THINK?!?!!!

NOW YOU REGRET IT?!?!

"I think I'm gonna faint."

I WOULD TOO.

ELLIE NOOOOOOOO

Alec & Miriam 'Die' (BLOOD TW)

Tom is probably the most equipped for surviving this.

OH GOD-

YOU CAN'T JUST HOLD A CHILD AT GUNPOINT, TOM

YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT.

"I'll put one right between your eyes."

Tom, you're done.

OKAY, RIP ALEC

Tom is NOT fucking around!

"Tom! Are you okay?"

"No worries. I got a body count in the double digits now. Cool, huh?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

MIRIAM NOOOOOOOO

WHAT?!! THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!!

"Miriam, stay with me!!"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...

NOT THE GRANDMA

"Don't leave me!!"

AWWWW JAKE NOOO😢

He's losing another grandma! 😭

"Coming to this camp was worth it... I didn't think my last days would end like this... but I'm happy they were with you... you are the grandchildren I never had."

😭💗

HE'S YOUR GRANDSON. DON'T LEAVE HIM.

NOOOOOOO

"Not again!!" *cries*

AWWW JAKE, HONEY NOOOOOO 😭

Don't Make Jake Suffer Challenge. Level: Impossible.

Yeah lets just cut to a six year old driving a bus. Why not?

I'M STILL MOURNING

Fiore Murders Everyone Else (BLOOD TW)

"I don't know... I don't think this will ever end..."

Can we give Jake a hug? PLEASE?

"Hey... at least we have each other."

THANK YOU💗

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER💗

NO GODDAMMIT

FIORE WHYYYYYYYY

“Hey guys! I got another trick I wanna show you. It’s called: ‘BURY YOUR GAYS’”

*Jake gets killed too*

Goddammit...

NOT A SIX YEAR OLD MURDERING MY BOYS

HOW DID WE GET HERE?!?!??!

"I'm sorry Grett, but I need this immunity."

Wait what-

*Murders Grett*

WELP.

This is how we got here.

A six year old is celebrating among her victims.

"WHOO HOOO!!! I KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!"

WHY IS TOM IN THE FAMILY GUY POSE?!?!?!?!?

"See that's my secret Golden. My mask protects me from getting killed, so I'm just faking my death."

"...oh wait I'm not wearing my mask anymore. SHIT-"

It Was All VR

...

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!

IT WAS ALL VR?!

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

HOW DID WE GET HERE?!??!?!?!?!

"Oh my gosh, my arm! I have my arm!"

"Oh my gosh, I've been in a coma for a MONTH! Cause I died on the first day!"

"Victory is mine! MIIIIINNNNEEE!!!"

All Fiore cares about is winning.

When a six year old is an even worse psychopath than Grett.

"Am-am-am I dead?!"

Jake. Honey.

EVERYONE is going to need SERIOUS THERAPY after this.

HOLY SHIT THAT IS TRAUMATIZING.

I can't even blame Jake one bit. He watched his friend get turned into a zombie and die. He watched his surrogate grandma die. He watched his boyfriend die. He watched HIMSELF die. AND IT WAS IN THE SPAN OF A MONTH

...nah, therapy ain't fixing him.

"A few hours ago, you fell asleep, and we put you through our hyper realistic VR simulator."

You guys are fucked up.

Even Chris McLean is saying that's fucked up.

"I'm just glad I have both my arms again."

Ellie's just done.

"Yeah TOM! Don't cut a woman's arm off! I'M VOTING YOU TONIGHT."

Watch it actually be Tom that's going and that's Ellie's reason.

I feel like Tom's story is done anyway.

"The challenge was to survive the zombie apocalypse."

You can't survive a zombie apocalypse. Either you DIE, or you DIE.

"Wait, so you KILLED ME to get immunity?!"

YEAH.

If THAT doesn't prove to you that Fiore is FUCKED UP BEYOND REPAIR, idk what does.

"Weren't we in an alliance?"

"We were. But we got exposed last round."

ARE YOU DITCHING GRETT?!

YOU NEED HER FOR NUMBERS.

Idk why I'm asking at this point. These villains plans have been stupid these past two episodes.

I mean, it's not THAT bad here because there was no other option after they killed Tom & Jake. So...

I won't rant this time.

"You'll be distorted for a few more hours, adjusting back to our time, getting back to your body, all that kind of stuff."

"And you'll probably need YEARS of therapy."

Episode 9 Elimination

"What do we do? We have to decide between Alec or Grett."

Yeah, obviously.

At least Ellie doesn't hold beef about the arm thing.

*Grett Voted Alec*

Aaaaannnndd the villains are turning on each other.

Idiots.

*Fiore Voted Grett*

Wait what are you doing?

"That game is the closest I'll ever get to legally shooting someone in the face."

Fiore you are a psycho.

*Alec Voted Grett*

"Now that we're exposed, we don't need you anymore."

Welp. Grett's gone.

Unless the heroes voted Alec...

'ALEC'

We know.

'GRETT'

'ALEC'

OH THEY DID VOTE ALEC. WAIT A MINUTE.

'GRETT'

THE HEROES VOTED ALEC. WHERE ELSE WOULD THAT COME FROM?

'GRETT'

...wait what?

'GRETT'

Wow. Didn't even need to read all the votes.

Who threw their vote on Alec then?

*thinks about it*

Jake, why'd you do that? There's no reason.

"I might be thinking about turning on the heroes, you know?"

*sigh* Queen's time to go.

"Fiore, Alec, even though you betrayed me, I won't lie. I had a good time with you."

At least she's taking this well.

"It will be difficult, but I'll try and take what you said to heart. I'll stop trying to prove anything to anyone. In fact... that includes you."

"FUCK ALL OF YOU. PEACE OUT!!"

😂👏

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS

Queen Queen Queen Queen QUEEEEENNNNN

👑

SHE SLAYED TILL THE END

...LITERALLY

Immunity Idol Found (x2)

"I found the clue to the location of an immunity totem. It should be right here."

NO WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT-

Okay he doesn't know of her thinking about flipping, to be fair. But still.

"I sure hope no one STEALS this idol or anything!"

They're gonna steal it.

Ellie's gonna tell Fiore & Alec, "Hey guys, I know how to save you guys. Tom has an idol. Steal it from him and use it for the council."

That's definitely a plan!

CAN YOU TELL I'M PARANOID SINCE THE START OF THIS EPISODE?

"This is Golden speaking in your head. There are impersonal ways to play this game and save yourselves. You DON'T have to hurt Jake that way. DON'T YOU DARE. I WILL give him slay pass and I WILL torment you the rest of this season!"

"COME ON! Why Jake?! What did he ever do to you?!"

"This is not good. That totem gives Tom more power than he already has."

THEN STEAL IT.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

A Compilation Of 'STEAL THE IDOL'

"I sure hope no one STEALS the idol or anything!"

They're gonna steal it.

Steal it from him and use it for the council.

THEN STEAL IT.

steal the idol from Tom when he isn't looking

OR STEAL THE IDOL.

JUST STEAL THE IDOL.

"But how would they steal the idol?"

And when they're gone, STEAL THE IDOL.

JUST STEAL THE IDOL FROM TOM AND FLIP

Okay. Steal it.

NO YOU DON'T. STEAL IT.

STEAL THE FUCKING IDOL.

You could've just stole the idol.

😭Just steal the goddamn idol...😭

AND THEN. STEAL. THE. MOTHERFUCKING. IDOL.

STEAL. THE. FUCKING. IDOL.

So if you STEAL it

and steal the idol.

YOU COULD'VE JUST STOLE THE FUCKING IDOL.

She could've just stolen that motherfucking idol and all her problems would've been solved.

But you could've just stolen that godforsaken idol from Tom and you wouldn't have had to destroy anyone.

ME AND THIS IDOL HAVE BEEF, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

Episode 10 Elimination

Elimination already? Damn...

This is gonna be UGLY...

"I did my part. Now who are we going to vote for?"

You know what the weird part is? I don't even know how this benefits you guys.

Tom has an idol.

You didn't even have to gaslight Jake. You could've just stole the idol.

I'm pretty sure the game NEVER said that the person who got the idol was the only one who could play it.

😭Just steal the goddamn idol...😭

"Vote for Jake."

What?

Oh my god, what are you doing??

Why gaslight him then?!?!?!

"Jake, we need to talk."

"Fine. I guess I should give you a chance to explain yourself."

PLEASE. PLEASE TALK.

NOOOOO DAMMIT

Don't break them up, please... 😭🙏

"I don't know what's wrong with Jake this time, but I'm sure it was your fault."

YES. YES IT WAS.

So they are voting Jake...

So they're gonna keep their mouths shut and not worry about the idol?

I mean if they don't know Jake's in danger, they can't play the idol, right?

I THINK that's what they're doing.

"Wait. I have something to say to Tom."

...what are you doing?

"It's about Jake and all the drama surrounding him."

What are you doing? I thought you were gonna keep your mouth shut.

What's your plan? You WANT Tom to realize you're using Jake?

"Oh wait, shit! It wasn't Jake's fault this time! Welp, guess our alliance is back!"

But they already voted, so... goddammit...

"I care because it was all a lie."

"Ellie told Jake that Tom has a boyfriend and he was cheating on him. She kept them from speaking to each other all day."

WHAT IS YOUR PLAN HERE?!?!?!?

WHAT WAS THE POINT OF GASLIGHTING JAKE THEN?!?!?!?!

"Wait, what?! Is this true?!"

Oh shit now he realizes.

"Goddammit Jake, you promised you would talk to me this time!"

DID YOU NOT HEAR HER?! ELLIE WAS PREVENTING HIM FROM DOING THAT!!!!

IF HE COULD, HE WOULD HAVE.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING MAD AT JAKE?!?!

"Tom, I didn't know! I tried to talk to you, but Ellie told me not to!! Please you have to believe me!!!"

HONEY NO...

"Why are you listening to her?!"

"I thought I could trust her. I'm sorry Tom..."

"And you didn't think you could trust me?! After everything we've been through?!"

💔

I mean, okay, that is valid. That is on Jake.

"Children, children, stop fighting please!!"

Aw Miriam 💔😢

"Wait, this doesn't end here."

OH MY GOD WHAT NOW?!?!?

"Tom, we know about your totem."

WHAT IS YOUR PLAN HERE?!?!?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DO YOU WANT TO GET ELIMINATED?!?!?

"Alec, Ellie, and I voted for Jake. So if you don't use your totem to save your little dumb boyfriend, he's gone tonight."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?

SO YOU'RE ASKING TOM TO USE THE IDOL. WHY?!???!! THAT SCREWS YOU OVER.

Unless she's lying and she and Alec flipped...

But THAT WOULD BE EVEN WORSE.

You betray Ellie, YET AGAIN. You LOSE HER as an ally.

Unless you're trying to boot her and have her be 5th place. BUT THEN YOU HAVE JAKE AND MIRIAM AS AN ALLIANCE TO WORRY ABOUT.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS. YOU DON'T NEED TO GASLIGHT JAKE. YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY ANY OF THIS SHIT.

Just convince Ellie to be on your side to get her to flip, vote for who you want out, convince Tom & Jake to go do something that forces Tom to leave the idol behind...

AND THEN. STEAL. THE. MOTHERFUCKING. IDOL.

THAT IS THE EASIEST AND CLEANEST SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR DAMN PROBLEMS.

AND YET YOU CHOOSE TO DESTROY THESE PEOPLE INSTEAD AND MAKE THINGS TOO BLOODY COMPLICATED.

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?!?!?!?

"I'm sorry, I just can't leave here 4th place. I know if I stuck with you guys, I'd never make the finals."

"And you decided you'd mess with my personal trauma just to get further in the game?!"

YESS!! BE PISSED!!!!!!! CALL HER OUT!!!!!

"You're screwed up Ellie. You need help!"

"Actually... yes."

*snicker* Okay, that was good.

"I don't ever want to talk to you again!"

"No need to yell like that."

UM, LET'S BE HONEST. I THINK JAKE DESERVES TO BE VOCAL HERE. HE WAS GASLIT BY YOU GUYS.

"Times running out Tom. What'll it be?"

Don't play it Tom.

They're tricking you. Don't play it.

Though that's kinda bad on his end, cause that'd be him saying "Nah, fuck you Jake. Go to the bus and drive it to hell."

"Tom, please, I know I've been bad, but I promise, if you save me, we can talk tomorrow and work things out!!"

I don't think that's gonna happen...

He's begging so bad here 😭

You screwed up Jake. You screwed up...

"What's stopping you from believing another lie they tell you tomorrow?"

Insert my rant before here.

"Tom, I get that you're mad at Jake, but if he goes, you and I will go right after."

No I don't think that's how it's gonna work...

My heart is HURTING right now btw. I'm actually shaking.

"Why are you so relaxed?! If Tom plays the idol on Jake, we're screwed!"

EXACTLY. WHAT'S YOUR PLAN HERE?!??!?!?! IT MAKES NO SENSE.

"Can I please read the votes people?!"

The host is just done with it...

"I'm going to use my totem to save Jake."

Aw....

Even after everything he loves you... 😭

No...

They flipped. They HAD to have flipped...

'JAKE' *DOESN'T COUNT*

Oh no...

*I'm burying my face in my hands to hold back wet eyes*

'FIORE'

They flipped.

She's so unbothered. They flipped.

'FIORE'

They flipped.

*DREAD* THEY FLIPPED.

Is the next one Tom?

'TOM'

I KNEW IT

I KNEW IT OH NOOOOOOO...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😭

'TOM'

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I have a bad feeling... Jake voted Tom cause he was mad.

He was trying to throw his vote on Tom to save the trouble, AND IT BACKFIRED HORRIBLY.

'TOM'

*Buries face in hands again*

I can't... I can't... no...

"I wonder whose fault that was."

Yeah...

"Tom, I'm sorry, please, you have to forgive me-"

"SHUT UP."

"YOU AND I ARE DONE. DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN."

💔😭💔

Oh my god...

Oh my god no...

No...

Oh god...

So... I'm not welling up bawling or anything...

But I am SHAKING.

I am SCREAMING.

I am on the verge of CRYING.

I fell nauseous, so add THROWING UP on that list too.

I'm so upset.

I mean I get it, villains gotta villain, but holy shit...

They were doing so well too. They could've been so great together!

THEY COULD'VE GOTTEN CHINESE TOGETHER LIKE THEY WANTED

GODDAMMIT...

This is some shit Heather would do.

And did.

I mean... compare that episode to this episode as much as you'd like. I don't really care.

My heart is actually sunken right now.

That hurt.

I think this elimination broke me.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!

Is Jake pissed? He's gotta be.

The Host's Crimes

OH HEY!

I thought you guys were eliminated! What are you doing here?

OH SHIT...

Um...

I didn't think we'd be dealing with MURDERERS...

Holy shit this just got a lot darker.

"When I found out at the hotel that Derek and Trevor were exterminating the animals in the forest, I was about to take justice into my own hands! But I remembered that the last time I tried, things didn't end well..."

"And how did you know it was them?"

"I may or may not have threatened the hotel receptionists so they would tell me the truth."

Oh my god Gabby, I love you XD

"I did all your spy work for you! You're welcome! Torture always works!"

(No it doesn't)

"I wanted to call the police! But with my record, I knew they wouldn't listen to me, so I remembered that you're a cop."

So Gabby's a delinquent...

Honestly I'm not surprised.

Also Tom was a spy, where'd you get this from?

"Then what are you? A ninja?"

XD

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS ENTIRE TIME.

Me Getting Enraged Over Ellie Hurting Jake

Oh they made it. Cool.

Who gets the immunity though?

Talk it out? Please?

"Only one of us can win..."

"If you give this to me, maybe I'll forgive you."

Yeah, he does need it.

The opportunity is open, Ellie! Redeem yourself!

COME HOME. COME TO THE LIGHT. GET YOUR FRIENDS BACK.

"You know what? You can eat shit and die."

WHAT?!?!?! ELLIE NOOOO

NO YOU WERE DOING GOOD

WHY?!?!?!?!

"And 'BOO HOO, AWWW, I GOT CHEATED ON'. GROW THE HELL UP JAKE."

WHAT THE FUCK?! 😠

"You say you're a victim, but you're really just a sponge for drama. You feed off the smallest setbacks, acting as if the world's against you."

😠

"Tom probably saw it too."

DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT TO HIM.

"You have no right to shame me."

YOU HURT HIM. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!

"After you voted out Gabby, I never pulled this on you, cause I have some sense to not be a dick."

BULL. SHIT. 😡 THAT WAS FIORE AND ALEC.

"Maybe if you weren't so annoying, your boyfriend wouldn't have cheated on you."

*Paused the Episode on this frame*

...

So, this is being written TEN MINUTES after I paused the episode in that frame.

What happened in between that ten minutes was that I PAUSED the episode, got out of my seat paced around my room in rage, SCREAMED THE F WORD, I'm lucky my family isn't home at the moment so they can't hear me, and I left the room and paced around in my kitchen to calm down because I felt SICK, HURT, TRIGGERED, and ATTACKED.

Not the writer's fault. They don't know. But... OMG

YOU. YOOOOOUUUUUU

YOU CANNOT DO THAT

I am VERY EMOTIONAL in this segment if you can't tell.

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

Maybe in a separate post, when I cooled my head, I'll talk about WHY this scene hurt me so much.

But my reason is not actually based off the characters. Roles swapped, I think I'd still react this way.

Bottom line is, remember when I said earlier that Miriam was calling Ellie out to help her?

THIS ISN'T THAT. THIS IS NOT 'ELLIE CALLING JAKE OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT', THIS IS NOT 'ELLIE GIRLBOSS MOMENT'. THIS IS SHAMING.

This is SHAMING someone with serious mental problems that need help.

This is not 'Oh, Ellie's ROASTING Jake right now, what a powerful moment for her! Hell ya, he deserved it!'

THIS TRIGGERED ME.

I actually KNEW this scene existed before I watched the show. But I had no context, didn't know what episode it was, didn't know when it showed up, and I didn't remember the exact dialogue. But it was in a clip of a reaction that was cheering for Ellie doing this.

I won't give names, I won't throw hands, that's not their fault if they see it that way. This is just VERY PERSONAL FOR ME.

I won't give massive details, because it's so personal, but why it triggered me? I HAVE BEEN THERE IN MY LIFE.

I HAVE BEEN THERE YEARS AGO, MULTIPLE TIMES, WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE DOING THIS SHIT TO ME. Acting JUST LIKE how Ellie does here, towards me.

It caused me a lot of problems growing up. My family AGREED with the people doing that, so that was not fun. They said 'I needed to hear this. I deserved it.'

So I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. This shit does no favors to the person you're 'roasting'. If anything, this makes the behavior you're calling out WORSE. They act even MORE like this whiny bratty type as a way to cope with the thought that everyone hates them!

ELLIE. YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

THAT HURTS PEOPLE.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S JAKE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE JAKE. THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

I'm not saying Jake is innocent and doesn't deserve calling out. BUT, THAT'S NOW HOW YOU DO IT

EVERYTHING Ellie said in that was just... ANGERED ME. IT ANGERED ME.

I gotta calm down. I'm sorry. I gotta calm down. Peace.

Episode 11 Elimination

Oooooooohh god...

I'm actually feeling kinda hopeless.

I think I know who it is.

'JAKE'

Yeah...

'ELLIE'

Should've went for the gold.

'ELLIE'

'JAKE'

Aaaaaaaannnnnd I know Fiore's handwriting at this point.

It's over.

'JAKE'

*Long Depressed Sigh*

...I knew it.

We didn't get revenge. Goddammit.

"Whatever. I don't care."

"Spoken like a man who cares."

"Miriam, I'm so sorry to be leaving you. Maybe if I had taken things differently, none of this would've happened."

Yeah...

"Thank you so much for supporting me. Everything from my grandmother to Tom..."

Oh come on, don't make this sad for me.

"Don't fret, kid. I thought I wouldn't open up to anyone here. But you were patient with me, and taught me that I shouldn't judge people so quickly."

Yeah. He's chaotic like that.

"You may be down, but you're not out. Play your butt off Miriam. We'll see each other when this is all over, okay?"

Yes. Win for them, Miriam.

Awwwwwwww💗

...damn. I'm gonna miss that trainwreck.

Episode 12 Elimination

"You and I can also work together to become the final two after that."

GODDAMN. MIRIAM, YOU'RE COLD.

Okay, this is DEFINATELY a Survivor thing.

"You cannot grab the top with your hands and your feet must be on the line."

Oh. Okay. I was gonna say 'just wrap your feet around the pole' but you can't do that.

"Sounds easy."

"For you, yes, cause you're small."

But she's a child, wouldn't that make her less capable of endurance than Ellie and Alec?

How are you already slipping? We just started!

I say that like I would do better. I probably wouldn't.

NO MIRIAM

"You're much lighter than me. Do you think you can last longer?"

Oh you're not slipping and trusting Ellie, are you?

You're a dumbass.

"But unfortunately, I can't have us winning this."

YOU DUMBASS.

Does Ellie have my forgiveness for this???

Um...

That's a debate. First you apologize for the death threat. THEN we'll talk.

"What if they can't agree?"

"In that case, you and Ellie would go to one last challenge to decide who gets eliminated."

Oh really?

Is that what we're gonna do?

...or is Fiore gonna ditch Alec's ass? Did I call it?

"I choose Ellie. And I won't change my mind."

Okay.

"Well... I..."

Moment of truth.

She's gonna ditch him.

"Alec... I really liked you, and that's dangerous, because feelings are for weak people."

OH.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH.

"I vote to take Ellie to the final."

I. FUCKING. CALLED IT.

😂

GET FUCKED, ALEC!!!!! GET! FUCKED!!!!!

"But after all I've done?! I protected you this whole game! I helped you win the zombie apocalypse challenge, saved your life in the cave, covered up your plans so no one would suspect you're a PSYCHOPATH, and you STILL eliminate me?!"

THAT'S ON YOU, YOU DUMBASS.

WHY WOULD YOU TRUST HER?!?! SHE'S A PSYCHOPATH! YOU KNEW THIS. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT COMING.

"Yes, thanks for all that, but I don't need you anymore."

👏😂👏

SHE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.

WHAT DID I SAY?!

Yeah, she cares about literally nobody.

She WILL ditch these guys on the bus the moment she has the chance.

And she's gonna show no remorse doing it.

And when that happens I'm gonna be HOWLING.

WELL HERE I AM.

SHE DITCHED HIM, NO REMORSE, AND I AM HOWLING.

AWOOOOOOOOOOOO

I CALLED THIS.

"Oh come on Alec, out of everybody, you're the last one who should be talking about feeling betrayed."

GET. HIS. ASS.

"This doesn't concern you. Keep it to yourself, Ellie."

You betrayed her three times. She DOES get a right to say that!

See, THIS is a good moment of Ellie ROASTING someone who fucking DESERVES IT.

"Your parents were right about you. You are a mistake."

"Oh. I know. And I don't care. Oh, and I bet you'd know a lot about making mistakes."

AWOOOOOOOOOOOO

I do not feel bad for Alec at all. Let's be real. HE DESERVED THIS.

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE PUT YOUR FATE IN THE HANDS OF THIS PSYCHOPATHIC CHILD. THAT IS ON YOU.

GOODBYE, SIR.

3rd Place

Oh yay, the demon child wins...

This is where Miriam goes.

YEAH THIS IS WHERE MIRIAM GOES

THEY'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT

AW, I'M SORRY MIRIAM. I WAS ROUTING FOR YOU.

"Tom... I... I can't go any..."

NO DON'T GIVE UP

"Wait... I need help!"

Wait what's happening?

"Oh... my heart..."

OH NO. WHAT?!??!

WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT?!?!

NO

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

YOU'RE GONNA KILL HER?!??!?!

NO THAT'S SICK. OH MY GOD. NO.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

DON'T KILL HER OFF, I LOVE HER. NOOOOO

NOOOOOOOO MIRIAM, NOOOOOOOO

CPR. DO CPR TOM. PLEASE.

"What's wrong with her? Is she okay?"

LADY, YOU THINK?!?!?! SHE'S DYING.

"I can smell that million bucks calling to me."

OH

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD WHAT

😲

I... I...

*AnalyzGolden.exe has stopped working*

...

... ... ...

So... let me get this straight...

She FAKED A HEART ATTACK TO WIN?!

... ... ...

😂👏

OMG THAT GOT ME

OMG MIRIAM YOU ARE INSANE

AND ELLIE'S OUT

😂👏

You KNOW this was done as revenge for Tom and Jake

KARMA IS A BITCH, ELLIE!!!!!!

Miriam used the slay pass! SHE ACTUALLY USED IT. I HAVE HER SLAY PASS AND SHE USED IT.

😂👏

THAT WAS SO GOOD

"What the hell was that?! After everything that has happened in this game, I lose a chance of fixing my life because of THAT?!"

I want to feel bad for Ellie, but I just DON'T.

OH MY GOD...

*struggling to calm down*

And the Winner Is...

COME ON MIRIAM

"NO NO NO! I WILL NOT LOSE HERE!! NOT AFTER EVERYTHING!!! MOVE YOU STUPID-"

OH GEEZ

UM....

IS SHE ALIVE?!

I don't necessarily care about Fiore's well being, I just don't want Tom to go to jail for child murder.

DON'T TELL ME THIS BLOW GETS HER TO PASS MIRIAM AND WIN

IS THIS A VILLAIN WIN?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

OH THANK GOD.

...

I MEAN, IT'S BAD THAT SHE CRASHED IN FIRE, BUT THANK GOD SHE DIDN'T CROSS THE FINISH LINE...

God, I'm gonna have the police at my door now.

MIRIAM WON!!🎉

Deserved, honestly. That's a winner I can get behind.

The Hosts Get Arrested

*sirens*

Oh no XD

"TOM, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR ATTEMPTED CHILD MURDER"

"Vladimir Jensen, Trevor Mcgregor, and Derek Johnson. You are al under arrest for wildlife damage, destruction of protected property, and illegal deforestation."

OH.

OH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.

THE COPS ARE DOING THEIR JOB.

"Well they really took their time, didn't they?"

I bet Tom is the kind of guy to say "COPS SUCK. OMG THEY'RE SO IMPOSSIBLE."

OH SHIT-

OH SHIT HE'S GOT A GUN

WELL THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY

"This is for killing the animals!"

😨

GABBY YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT-

😂

YES QUEEN!!! SLAY!!!!!!

NOOOO COME ON!!!!

COME ON DON'T PULL A HEATHER TO MIRIAM!

OH TOM'S GOING AFTER THEM HE'S GOT A HOOK IDK WHERE HE GOT THAT FROM THINGS ARE HAPPENING SO FAST RIGHT NOW-

OH GOD HE'S FIGHTING

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING ANYMORE

TOM DON'T DIE

OH NO

WAIT DID THEY DIE?!?!?!?!

OH MY GOD...

PLEASE DON'T TELL ME TOM DIED.

*cuts to black*

OH MY GOD...

What just happened?!?!

DID TOM DIE?!?!?!

New Host Reveal

Who are you???

"What happened to Jensen?"

"No one knows. They never found a body."

So he's not dead???

"How'd they let you run another season after this?"

Oh wait cause the old hosts got arrested, this is the new host. GOTCHA.

"What selection?"

"For the next season, duh."

Bring on the Season 2 cast.

"We need to decide the participants for All Stars."

Wait what? What about Season 2?

Does this take place AFTER Season 2??? Huh??? I am confusion.

[vanmarkus]

Weekend Wip Game ✨

I was tagged by the lovely @daffi-990 thank you mwuah ����

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more)

(I cut it off halfway cuz I went long like always...)

1. WIP List:

so as you know my wip list is pretty long, but the active ones right now are:

• the mudslide fic

• the jealous eddie fic

• the breeding kink fic

• the accident fic

• the donation smut

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

the mudslide fic is currently standing at 38.6k and I expect at the very least 20k more... which wouldn't just make it my longest current wip, but also the longest fic I've ever written

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

the mudslide fic hands down, unless something drastic happens and one of my wips gets away from me (though from the inactive wips I expect two of them to be around the same length, possibly)

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

I enjoy all of them, but the mudslide fic is surprisingly joyous to write, even though it's mostly just me putting the boys through the emotional and physical wringer lmao

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

listen. I love writing the mudslide fic, but I kinda wrote myself into a hole with it, in the sense that I included a couple of real life locations (though only vaguely) that I just had to make shit up for, which is fine cuz the show does the same, but... idk it's long and the boys spend quite a large chunk of the story separate and it makes me worry that people will find it boring or just idk will be nitpicky about it... like, I have confidence in my writing, but I'm also forever insecure about it??? ugh

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

uhhh I guess the accident fic?? because it's short and it's kind of written in the way I usually write ficlets, which means I don't spiral about the details that much and now I'm worried that it's gonna seem rushed or way too out of sorts 😓

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

none of them, I'm very much a fuck it we ball type of writer

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer’s block?

yeppppp. that's why I have so many active wips atm cuz I got stuck on both of my main ones 🥲

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

the mudslide fic – and she's barely even in it, but she grew on me anyway 💛

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

I have to say the donation smut... or the breeding kink fic, whichever floats your boat I guess

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

the mudslide fic, definitely

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

I'm not sure??? like, I try my best in all of them, but I can't necessarily say if I succeeded idk

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

again, I'm probably gonna have to go with the mudslide fic

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

👆 I've been doing quite a lot of research going into legal procedures, sixth grade curriculum and body decomposition in water, just to name a few (and most of these barely feature btw 🥲), not to mention looking at the map of LA constantly to gauge distances, but it's still kinda fun though

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

uhmmm I don't have high expectations for any of them, if we're talking about like, comments and kudos and stuff... usually the fics I just write in a moment of inspiration and just throw online get more attention than the ones I try to finetune for hours/days/weeks, so you know... I try to write fics for myself and hope that there are people they resonate with 🫶

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

listen, I have really hectic and weird dreams, but I don't think I ever dreamed about any of my wips

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don’t?

well, if nothing else, operating with this many characters is something I'm not exactly used to, so the mudslide fic and the jealous eddie fic are kinda unique in that regard, I suppose

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

I'm not... exactly big on writing goofy stuff, which is unfortunate because I love reading it, but I mean it a 100% when I say angst and smut is my bread and butter

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

not a very deep dive, but I do touch on a side character's background in the mudslide fic, no outside povs though

20. Tell us one thing we don’t know about one or more of your WIPs

idk?? uhh it's not an active wip, but all I could think about is that Homesick For Your Skin isn't my first parallel universe fic, but it's the first one I had to work out without magic 🪄

I'm sure most of you have already done this, but here are five no pressure tags anyway:

@forthewolves @jesuisici33 @callaplums @ladydorian05 @disasterbuckdiaz

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

This is gonna be a long one yall, so feel free to skip and just send asks about my progress if you don't wanna read through it. Otherwise...

So, I didn’t really have much of an update for you all in February. Reason: it is my birthday month, and I was being a lazy little hedonist, teehee 🤎

In hindsight, February/March has also been one of the most rigorous months for my workplace as well. We have about 33 contracts that we have to get out to the organizations that we fund and unfortunately our legal department, our comptroller's office, and our commissioner has been H-Town stomping on our balls for the past 3 months.

Needless to say, ya girl is tired lol.

I am, of course, pushing through it because I promised this update a LONG time ago, and whenever I don't deliver I feel as if I age 20 years. I know technically I'm running myself ragged again but I can't bring myself to worry about it now. Especially, when I'm the reason why I'm working like a Yorkshire pig.

Clerical Update

Mostly just playing around in Twine, and answering asks. I wanted to do something for February cause it is the month of love, but I think I ended up getting overwhelmed with real life and other shit so that went to the gutter.

I think I'm gonna hire someone to make a special UI for me... I'm tired of fighting with twine, and I really just want to focus on writing, so if anyone has like recommendations for twine/tweego wizards or thinks that they can take a crack at it, let ya girl know.

I am paying.

Progress Update

So... Not a lot of progress was made in February month lol but again. The laz was real~

March was MUCH more progressive, (probably cause I ended up stressing myself out about getting the game out by Summer (June or July ???) Tentative of course 🥴🥴🥴)

Overall, i am at 80k+ words!

Progress for Routes

Search and Destroy: <1%

Interlude (TBA): 5%

To be well: Completed

Yes, you read that right... I have officially finished writing to be well and have transitioned into draft editing for that route🎉🎉

Writing the final part of that route has inflicted psychological and visceral damage to my soul 💀 I thought I would be ok honestly like I just knew I was gonna be able to keep chugging along, but it hurt a little more than I imagined.

I'm ok tho, and I promise y'all will be ok too! I think? So don't worry too much!

Now I plan on pushing this draft through editing at least 3 times. The first time will be solely for missing scenes, evaluation of scenes, and then re-working them. The second time will be more focused on the characters and how they feel in the game. I'm aiming to flesh them out, and add breath to their actions and words. So fingers crossed I'm successful 🤞🏿🤞🏿

The third and final draft will be solely grammatical. If I catch anything funky in there, I'll patch it up but the goal is that for the third draft the number of mistakes are gonna be few. Heh, like that will actually happen.

After this is done, I'll go ahead and plug it into twine, test out the codes, and then send it to beta testers.

I also want to talk about beta testing for a minute too, cause we are getting into that hour.

its gonna be SUPER important that I get a good portion of beta testers due to the variability of this update. (If y'all think this current update is bad just wait 🥴🥴) Like, I'm only one person, and unfortunately for me, there are only so many errors I can catch.

I'll be releasing a survey again for people to fill out if they are interested. It'll be open for a month, and then decisions made in the following two weeks.

Next Months and Remaining Month Plans

Edit, edit, edit!!

Finish the touches on the Interlude.

Technically the piece of that is going in the update is gonna be significantly smaller than what I intended. Which is ok, cause ya girl was gonna lose her mind 🥴🥴

Start Search and Destroy

I think that's it? Again if you have questions, please let me know! Love y'all 🤎🤎

[bottomhaztoplou]

Tabby's Writing Game: Day 31

WIP Title Exposure!!

Welcome to the final day of Tabby's Writing Game! Today I'm going to expose myself for having too many WIPs... and give you a little blurb or a couple of tropes/tags with each of them. Look forward to them!

A/B/O fics (all omega Harry, of course + alpha Louis unless otherwise specified):

Modern Cottagecore AU - Harry has a little cottage he inherits from a relative and spends his time looking after his gardens with his cat, Delphine, or blogging. Louis is a writer that Harry bumps into at the local grocery.

"scent fic" - It's common courtesy to wear scent neutralisers in public. Harry, however, doesn't like to. One day, he smells the most enticing alpha scent whilst on public transport and ends up making a tit of himself sniffing around to find out just who it is.

"breeding/pregnancy kink fic" - exactly what it says on the tin, plus a little surprise kink that I'm not listing. ;)

chastity's not the devil, but an angel in disguise - omegas are put in chastity as soon as their first heat ends, to protect them from bad alphas. Harry, the son of florists, meets Lord Louis Tomlinson, the Duke's son, when he stops by looking for flowers for his parents' springtime ball.

Duchessrry #5 - a 10+1 fic of little timestamps between when Louis met Harry and their marriage (which takes place in Duchessrry #6)

"ribbon fic sequel" - Harry is pregnant. Louis stays with him as he gives birth to their first litter of pups. More ribbons are involved. (Note: this is finished already, so technically not a WIP, but it's not posted yet and won't be for a while.)

petal - male omegas are very rare, with approximately one born out of every 100,000 pups. Louis is an alpha, but to his misfortune, he's gay, and male betas just don't do it for him. But then Harry falls right into his lap - quite literally.

you've stolen my heart (but you keep it safe) - ANR (adult nursing relationship) fic. O/O as well. Louis is mated to an alpha at first and has two sons, but their mating is crumbling. Harry is an anxious uni student and they meet at an omega centre for the Adult Nursing Program there.

Two Hearts In One Home - posting now! you can check it out HERE!

Put A Little Love On Me - Harry's father passes, but an omega can't legally run a pack without an alpha mate in this universe. He's forced to meet eligible suitors from all over England and ends up discovering that there's a lot more in store for him than he ever thought possible. (name subject to change)

BDSM/Kink fics:

"broken-armed daddy dom" - possibly-canon fic where Louis breaks his arm, but even though he's injured, he still doms his baby. (name subject to change but tbh I kinda like it as is lmao)

Disability/Injury/Sickfics:

Little Bird - autistic Harry and ADHDer Louis grow up together. (note for those concerned: I am autistic and have ADHD as well.)

Media-Inspired fics:

i think you and the moon and neptune got it right - Pokemon Sun and Moon fic, with a twist.

these points of data make a beautiful line (and we're out of beta, we're releasing on time!) - Portal AU, with Harry as Chell and Louis as an added non-canon character. Follows the canon storyline, for the most part. (Note: this is finished already, so technically not a WIP, but it's not posted yet and won't be for a while.)

Portal 2 AU - Harry and Louis go through the events of Portal 2 in a mostly-canon fashion, with a non-canon, completely original epilogue after their escape.

Tangled AU - Harry is Rapunzel. Louis is Flynn Rider. That's all you need to know :D

Strawberries & Cigarettes - inspired by the song. Bad Boy teen Louis, average teen Harry.

Mythical Creatures fics:

"dragon x prince(ss) fic" - this is very vaguely inspired by ads I've seen of that webcomic "No More Princes". Harry is a carrier prince who all of England wants to marry and Louis is a dragon prince who protects him under vow. Of course, the one person the two of them aren't allowed to fall in love with is each other.

"flower fairies fic" - inspired by @jaerie's flower fairies series. Flower fairy Hydrangea (better known as Harry) has always been a little too curious about humans. When Louis moves into a secluded cabin for a writing retreat nearby, Harry can't help but watch him - until he gets caught. (I realise that this sounds like a voyeurism fic from that description, I can promise you that it is not lmaoooo)(Also, thank you to Jaerie for letting me use your flower genitalia thing! And to @sadaveniren for asking Jaerie because I was too scared to >_<)

Strawbharry and Blouberry - Harry is a strawberry fairy. Louis is a blueberry fairy. They live across the meadow from each other, but that doesn't stop them from becoming friends. (Inspired by @larry-hiatus' edit!!)

Historical fics:

"scandinavian arranged marriage fic" - probably the dumbest temp title I've created but oh well. Louis is from a warm, southern country called Alastarza (think Italy). Harry is from Farfinie, a cold, northern country (think a cold northern European country like idk Finland? is Finland cold? Brain is not working). They're arranged to be married, and so Louis must travel north for the wedding.

Witches and Wizards fics:

"winter solstice fic" - Genderqueer Witch Harry and Cowan Louis dealing with the grief that comes in wintertime, which, several years prior to this fic, was when Harry's Familiar, their cat Shadow, passed away. However, a new kitty comes along, and she's just as special as her ancestor... (part one of Witchrry and Company)

"Other" fics:

tinyism - Harry wishes desperately that he was shorter than he was.

23 fics... not including all my planned sequels that I haven't started yet. Can you tell that I have ADHD? :'D

Thank you again for joining me for TWG! I may do it again in the future... maybe with different prompts, too, if I think of any.

Have a great rest of your dayyyyyy! <3

[dribbleondo]

I'm Leaving Payday. For Good.

For real.

Hi there. For those who may have seen me around the place, I've been pretty vocal and angry about PAYDAY 2 since update 237. An update that overhauled the matchmaking system to use the worst EOS implementation I have ever seen that requires godforsaken, outdated, and deprecated friend codes to party up with people for the sakes of cross-play. In 2023. Yep, we're on the Wii apparently!

The update broke Linux support, a port the developers were more than happy to update and maintain...until March 2023, where something clearly changed internally, and tried to make a pre-emptive cover story of the Crude Awakening breaking the port. Until it was made pretty clear that, upon release of U237, that it was because of their EOS implementation. I'm not saying coincidences aren't possible, but Starbreeze have lied so much in the past that I do not give them that benefit of doubt anymore.

This is the company that decided to not give Linux users the common bloody courtesy of keeping the port updated until the end. Two updates away from the end of life. Think about that, really hard.

This alone broke all trust I had for Starbreeze. But their next moves really infuriated me:

PAYDAY 3 is trying to implement almost every AAA cliché in the book; Post-launch microtransactions to avoid legal ratings, five separate editions for the game on launch, separately purchasable DLC, a season pass (of varying sizes tied to the editions), and an fucking always online connection. With no offline mode.

And do you know what the sad part is? About all this? I'm genuinely excited for the stealth improvements PAYDAY 3 has to offer. I got to play on the Beta briefly and I was impressed by how nuanced it all was. It felt good to play.

But I am not touching a game with so much monetisation, that treats their audience like money mules that will buy anything, and especially for their prior history in this sector. Crimefest 2015 comes to mind.

For me, I'm going to still be around in other non-PAYDAY-focused servers, but my time on the Modworkshop, PAYDAY 2, and other similar discords has to come to a close. My heart has been shattered by recent events, and all I'm left with now is a pit in my stomach anytime I think about the game series, and an unwillingness to play or mod the game I once loved so dearly. A game I once praised as a great example of how to support a game on Linux, for righting it's wrongs, and for keeping up interest with community events. Now, I'm no longer interested in even Modding PAYDAY 3 now.

It's a damn shame too, because Unreal 4 is kinda my wheelhouse.

Now, I'm under no illusion that i'm in any way an influential figure in the community. I'm reasonably sure the moment I post this on MWS and other places it'll be forgotten about within the week. The shelf-life of the Internet is small, after all. But as small as I am, I should still matter to Starbreeze. And if I don't matter, well, that's not a relationship I want to have with any company.

It hurts me to divorce myself from a game I want to play, but it'll kill me if I continue playing it or its upcoming sequel.

I still have one more mod for Payday 2 to be posted, and that'll be out soon. But after that releases. I'm done. Gone. Finito.

I have tried to remain positive over these few months, but all roads seem to lead to Starbreeze ignoring my various pleas, and are all paved with their bad intentions. So all I can say to you all is this: Do not fall for their traps and mind games. They are not to be trusted: Ever. That sounds cynical, and it sounds conspiratorial, but Starbreeze's behaviour, despite all the managerial shake-ups (or perhaps because of it) has remained the same para-socially abusive company as they were in 2015.

I hope to see you all in a game that isn't going to shatter my trust so badly. Goodbye, and farewell.

[insomniagothamblog]

Hi, I've read your fanfiction and I'm absolutely thrilled! I love the characters, the writing style, the narrative flow and the plot itself in general :)

And so I have some ideas and thoughts that I want to share with you, I hope you will like them.

Kon gives Lumi a plush toy that she immediately fell in love with. This is a small stuffed rabbit that Tim bought for some reason and just kept as another decorative pillow on the bed, It's soft, cozy and smells like Tim.

Here are a few options - Plush pig, Plush rabbit, teddy bear, stuffed duckling and stuffed dolphin.

Lumi gets her middle name.

Lex takes care of the legal documentation of his granddaughter's existence and wonders if there is a middle name for her? Kon was a little confused at first, but then he says that Tim had a favorite female name - Amara.

The name of the Latin and ancient Greek existence denoting "eternity" of "grace" and "love", soft and melodious, easy to spell and pronounce, Tim liked this name. Kon wipes a tear from his eye, Jason on whose lap Lumm dozed said that it was a beautiful name.

The song of Kon and Lumi.

Bob Carlisle – Butterfly Kisses. This is definitely their song, warm, cozy, touching with some melancholic notes, permeated with tenderness and affection in every word.

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride" "I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried" Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses at night

You can't tell me that these are not Kon's thoughts.

Emotional breakdown of Kon.

When Jason tells Kon that the Batfamily wants to take his daughter away and be raised by others - maybe a foster family or most likely Clark because she has Kryptonian blood in her, he breaks down.

This is not a breakdown with screams, outbursts of aggression and swearing, this is an outlet for fear and pain. Kon cannot stand on his feet, he cries and begs not to take her away, she is his child, she is the last piece of his beloved, please do not take it away. Lex sends Jason to look after Lumi and comforts his son with soft hugs and warm words. The moment of connection between father and son.

He is here in my heart and in your blood.

Kon puts Lumi to bed and she asks him to lie down with her until she falls asleep, when Kon lies down next to her, Lumi asks him about Tim.

Kon tells her funny stories about her other father, their personal moments and his touching personal habits. Lumi says that she will most likely love him even if she never meets him.

P.S - Maybe one day I will create the aesthetics of Kon and Lumi :) And for some reason I'm sure that Lumi is blonde like her grandfather Lex, before he went bald.

OMG HIIIIII

Long ask so imma try my best to answer all of it but it is like almost 3am right now. So I'm very sorry if I somehow miss something but thank you so much for the ask.

First of all, I adore the Fluff ideas. I might use one of them but given my writing process, it might not be possible. I mostly write out of order so most of it's already done for this fic. For example, I have all the chapters betaed and edited up to chapter 8 and I am currently writing chapter 17. This is why I am falling behind on my other fic, because I hate writing linearly. There is one Fluff chapter before the ending I have to write so I may still use the idea, I really really like it. Especially the part about the stuffed toy. I'm just not sure if I could realistically fit it into this.

Second of all, 'Butterfly kisses' isn't usually something I would listen to so this was a fun discovery. I find it very fun, if your interested two more songs I adore for this AU is 'Me and My Husband' by Mitski when it comes to the relationship between Tim and Conner as well as 'House of Gold' for Conner and Lumi. If I ever find enough songs for this Au I'll make a Playlist.

Thirdly, you shall indeed have your wish for a complete mental breakdown from Conner. I have really enjoyed writing Conner in this and I can't wait to show what I wrote in later chapters. I am thinking of two major incidents with Conner that caused a complete breakdown. So you are definitely going to enjoy those.

Finally!! I would absolutely love if you made an edit. Send it or tag me if you ever do!! Unfortunately I didn't know Luthor was once blonde, so I went with black hair. But! If there were ever to be a second child, I would keep that in mind! However, enjoy this little picrew I made of Lumi in order to help visualize her!! She is a bit older in this however.