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𝖫𝗂𝖺𝗋, 𝖫𝗂𝖺𝗋 𝗉𝗍. 2
Pairing- Yandere Rintaro Suna x Reader
Masterlist . . . Part one
"For what it’s worth, princess, if the devil is real. It’s me.”
Contains- Serial Killer! Suna, oral (f receiving), dubcon, semi-public fingering, groping, choking, biting, manhandling, riding overstimulation, marathon sex, mentions of necrophilia/noncon, implied somnophila, baby trapping(?) A/N- sorry for the long wait guys, writer's block can be a bitch
Sleeping with him was the biggest mistake of your life-
No. letting him ‘help’ you was the biggest mistake of your life.
Ever since you two had sex, he’s been sleeping in the same bed as you. You did attempt to persuade him to sleep on the couch once again but he simply responded with
‘We both saw what happens when I sleep on the couch, sweetheart. Besides, sharing the same bed might bring back some of those ‘dear’ memories you lost.” As you predicted, it would be challenging to sneak out of your room at night, especially when Suna’s arm is wrapped around your waist, his chin tucked on your shoulder, and his stern back against your chest.
You thought about lying to him, telling him you’re getting up from bed to use the bathroom but really you’re planning to find his car keys and drive away from this nightmare. But what if you take too long and he gets suspicious? Last time you got lucky when he misunderstood your attempt to steal his car keys.
You hate that you spent the entire week with him, pretending to be in a loving marriage, kissing him sweetly, and sometimes bathing with him. But he hasn’t fucked you since the first time- well with his dick at least.
If he thinks you look too cute in a nightgown- which you always do, he’ll push you down on the bed, scrunching up your silky slip-on onto your breast and shamelessly make out with your cunt, fingers holding your thighs down and apart to keep you from squirming away. He never fails to give you an intense orgasm. You're so addicted to his touch that you don’t know how you’ll be able to cum again once you escape from him...While on the topic of escaping, you’re finding the idea of freedom too difficult to obtain by yourself. You’re gonna need help.
“ So- I remember you mentioned before that we were still friends with twins from high school” You blurted out while having dinner with your ‘fiancé.’
“ Yeah, Osamu and Atsumu. What about them?” Suna asked nonchalantly. “Well, I think you should invite them over. I think it’d be good for me to meet someone from my past” you suggested.
“ It’d be hard to contact them because the service in this place is horrible” Suna claimed, leaning back in his chair. You let out an instant “oh” with a noticeable pout on your lips.
Then you heard Suna sigh, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Okay. There is this part of the house where the service is somewhat usable. But it’s on the roof so I don’t want you following me there. Your body is still sore which makes it difficult for you to stay up there without falling” Suna pointed out.
He’s right. You’ll probably hurt yourself if you try going on that roof. So the idea of stealing his phone to call for help isn’t possible.
“You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you, Rin” You complimented. “ Yeah well, I gotta keep my wife happy” Suna got up and kissed your forehead before retreating upstairs.
You waited impatiently for Suna to come back down. A sick part of you wishes that he’d accidentally slip off the roof, breaking his neck because then you’d be freed from this nightmare. But he only takes twenty minutes to come back down, placing his phone back into his pocket as he walks towards you.
“So? Did they say yes?” you questioned. “They said they would love to stop by. But I had to make Atsumu promise he wouldn’t bring another hookup over. I better start cooking dinner because those two guys know how to eat- especially Osamu” Suna replied, giving you an endearing pat on the head as he went to prepare for their arrival.
--
You hadn’t seen any pictures of the twins prior before they arrived, so it was quite intimidating when two muscular tall men stood at your doorstep. The dark-haired one holding a classic bottle of wine. While Atsumu opened his arms to you, giving you an unwelcomed hug.
“There is our Y/n. It’s been too long since we saw ya” The bold twin one cooed, his arms around you tightened.
“You’re one foot in and already flirtin’ with my fiance- don’t you have any shame, Atsumu?” Suna replied, subtly informing you of the difference between the twins.
So if the blonde, somewhat pervy, twin was Atsumu. The other one must be Osamu.
“I ain’t flirting. I was just being friendly to a friend who’s gotten into a terrible- just terrible accident “ Atsumu pouted.
“I decided to tell them your situation. I hope you don’t mind” Suna commented, smiling innocently.
It’s unsettling.
They’re completely lying to you- you’re not friends with them. How are they so eerily confident then? How can these two lie straight to your face and pretend that you’re Suna's fiancé?
Because you’re not. You’re not his fiancé.
Right?
Dinner with them made you even more confused. They’re doing the same thing that Suna did. Reciting old stories about your so-called past together. It’s getting more difficult to distinguish what’s the truth or not. Yet Atsumu’s words manage to slip you back into reality.
“You should really be thanking me. If I set you two up in college- y’all would not be getting married.. at least Suna wouldn’t be” Atsumu teased.
“I thought we started dating in high school?” You spoke up, pointing out Atsumu’s mistake. Rather than Atsumu getting embarrassed for making such an innocent mistake.
Atsumu got nervous.
If you weren’t already so superstitious during dinner, you wouldn’t have noticed how he blinked away, how forced his laughter sounded, and how his brother deadly glared at him.
“Would you pardon us? I think I have to remind Atsumu about some manners” Osamu asked, seeming all friendly while his jawline clenched, a fist under the table.
Suna clicked him, glancing at a nervous Atsumu and then back at Osamu.” Go ahead,” Suna replied.
You were left alone with him once again.
You and you’re fiancé-no he’s not your fiancé. You and your demon.
“You’re lookin’ a bit nervous, sweetheart. Are you feeling okay? Just say the word and I can get these idiots to leave any time” Suna suggested. “No- they don’t need to leave. I just need to go to the bathroom to freshen up. That’s all” Your laughter sounded a bit too forced, sweaty palms pushing you up out of your seat. “Don’t take too long” Suna mumbled, watching you march quickly out of the dining room.
This is your chance.
You can ask- no- you're going to beg the twins to help you because surely, they wouldn’t want to risk being an accomplice for a serial killer.
You followed their distant voices, words too unintelligible to understand. Eventually, you ended up in front of the door connecting the garage to the summer house. Luckily, they left the door slightly ajar, allowing you to hear their conversation clearly.
You were about to walk in before you heard Osamu say
“Are you a fuckin’ idiot, Tsumu? At this point, Suna not gonna let either of us have a turn with her” Osamu argued with his brother.
“Shut up- shut up. I’m a fuckin’ volleyball player not an actor” Atsumu huffed. “Yeah and I own a restaurant but I know how to keep my story straight,” Osamu remarked.
“I don’t even know why Suna cares s’much about keeping up this whole game” Atsumu commented.
“he’s just gonna kill her like the rest.”
Your heart is racing because your last hope of escaping this n nightmare just revealed they could care less about your life- fuck they could be worse than Suna. Instinctually, you step away from the door, wanting to be as far away from them as possible. But that’s when you feel a stern chest against your back, stopping you from backing away. You slowly turn your head and notice Suna behind you, his eyes glued on the view of the twins arguing about whether they’ll still get a ‘turn’ with you after Atsumu’s mishap.
“Rin-“
“Quiet. It’s always amusing to watch the twins argue, right? “ Suna replied, his hand tilting your face to watch the twins, his chin resting on top of your head, forcing you to watch the truth unfold.
“You know he does sadistic shit like this all the time. Just try to have fun with her while she’s still alive” Osamu huffed.
“I didn’t come here to play an actor. I just wanna fuck her before Suna finally cuts her up or whatever sadistic shit he plans to do with her” Atsumu groaned.
“ Yeah, well, there's no way in hell he’s gonna let you have a turn with her if you don’t play along correctly. You’d be lucky if he even lets you fuck her corpse”
Atsumu hummed, his once annoyed attitude slowly disappearing as he looked lost in thought- until he made the comment
“I wouldn’t mind that at all actually.”
You want to stop listening but Suna won’t let you. “Please, just let me go and I won’t- I won’t tell anyone” you muttered, voice cracking. Suna laid his forehead on your shoulder, you could feel his smile on his skin.
“What about our wedding?” he cooed, voice teasing, his hands wrapping around your waist, tips of his fingers sliding under your waistband.
“Rintarou, please- I-I don’t want to die. I’ll do anything just don’t hurt me” you begged.
“I don’t like when you call me by my first name, it makes me feel like I’m in trouble” Suna commented, a soft pout on his lips. This time his hands are traveling further down the inside of your pants until his fingers are tracing over your covered slit. You wish you could fight his touch but you’re too scared to upset him.
“Rin, I don’t wanna pretend anymore. I just wanna go home” You’re starting to cry and he doesn’t need to look at your face to know that tears are pouring out of your eyes.
You act like you’re strong but the second you’re faced with a challenge, you crack like glass. So easy to read. Maybe that’s why he likes you so much.
“You wanna go home? Go ahead and ask the twins for help. But I don’t if they’ll be that compliant” Suna suggested. He’s right. He’s always right.
“I like you. I don’t think I’ve ever been so infatuated with a person like this before. So I’ll give you two choices. You could either go beg the twins to take you away from this ‘hell house’ or
you can become my pretty wife”
You don't want any of that. You want to run far far away. But he’ll catch you like he did the first time and then he might actually kill you.
“So, what will it be, princess?” He repeats, forcing you to break from your silence. That nickname, it always appears when his true colors are shown. You're starting to hate that word because now you associate it with danger.
“How do I know you won’t kill me,” you ask, in the quietest voice, afraid of his answer. He chuckles at your question, raises his head from your shoulder, and smiles.
“Because I'll never get bored of you.”
That’s all it takes. You nod your head, not wanting to hear yourself agree to stay. To be his, forever.
He leans over, lips almost touching yours, narrow eyes with an unwearying stare forcing you to look at him.
“You know how to keep quiet, don’t you Mrs. Suna?”
That’s when his wandering fingers finally slip beneath your panties and you’re reminded that Osamu and Atsumu are right behind the door in front of you. “Rin, not here” you begged, squirming to get out of his grip, only for him to hold you tighter.
“Why not? Atsumu would probably wanna hear, that fuckin’ freak” Suna laughed. Just as you were about to utter an argument, you’re cut short by the painfully slow pumping of Suna’s fingers, thrusting into your cunt. You feel weak.
Instead of telling him to stop, your words cut into a breathy moan and Suna is forced to lean over to your ear.
“ Careful, princess. You don’t want them to hear you.” He whispered a reminder, tongue poking out of his mouth to lick a stripe down your neck, causing you only to tighten around his long thrusting fingers.
“ Try to argue with me but I can feel how wet you are. Maybe you’re the crazy one huh? Or maybe it’s both of us. Guess we're soulmates then” he’s talking more than he usually does. Maybe because he knows you're scared to get caught.
Or maybe he’s drunk on the success of your agreement to your engagement. Doesn’t matter because he’s only getting more confident, pulling down the neckline of your shirt as long as your bra with his other hand, groping the soft skin of your breast all while his thumb is massaging your clit.
Fuck- you’re so close and he’s so fucking hard, forced to grind his painful erection against your back.
You feel pathetic when you're uncontrollably humping his ruthless fingers, chasing your high.
When you hear him chuckle from behind you, most likely realizing your movement- he has no right to sound so fucking sexy.
“Can’t believe you were begging me to stop, aren’t you just the prettiest liar.” He mumbles.
And you’re finishing on his fingers, legs shaking, eyes tearing up, your hands covering your mouth muffling uncontrollable moans.
Suna slowly pulls his hands out of your pants, bringing his drenched fingers into your mouth, disgustedly making you clean his fingers, tasting yourself.
He spins you towards him, leaning over to wipe off your smeared make up, fixing your appearance for you because you are all too stunned by what has just occurred.
Just on time, Atsumu and Osamu are opening the door, both surprised to see you.
“ Holy fuck- how long were you two standing there" Atsumu called out. You both turn around to look at them, Suna wrapping one arm around your shoulder, pulling you to his side.
“We just walked in actually” Suna lied for your sake.
“ Well…Wow! look at the time- “ Atsumu said, checking his watch, pretending to read the time. “It’s getting late, ain’t it? I’m a bit too tired to drive…guess me and Osamu gotta stay over the night” Atsumu whistled.
Holy fuck- Atsumu and Osamu still think they have a chance with you.
You’re beginning to tremble at Suna’s side, fully not trusting him to protect you.
“I’ll call you two an uber,” Suna says blankly.
You could see Atsumu grit his teeth, not knowing why he wasn’t getting rewarded for his ‘efforts.’
“Well- can we at least visit tomorrow” Osamu questioned, trying to hint if they’ll at least have a chance to fuck your dead corpse.
Sick mother fuckers. Just like Suna- maybe even worse.
“Next time we’ll see you is at our wedding” Suna smiled passively aggressively, knowing he just pissed off the twins.
Atsumu is about to open his mouth, most likely attending to spoil the truth because Suna ruined all of his ‘fun.’ But Osamu stops him by gripping the back of Atsumu’s shirt.
“ No need to argue with an old friend. We’ll leave… just call us next time when we’re allowed to come over” Osamu sighed.
Then they proceed to leave. Not without Atsumu forcing you into a hug, his hand dangerous lying on your lower back, a final act of perversion. They leave and you’re left alone with Suna and his narrow eyes are locked on yours.
“Could fuck you here or on the bed. Pick one”
There is no option to deny him. He is going to be your husband after all.
“Bed.”
He’s not even letting you walk there, probably thinking you’ll move too slowly for his liking. So he's picking you up effortlessly because of his muscular arms, delivering you to the bedroom before and tossing you onto the mattress. He’s on top of you in a heartbeat, his hands tugging off your clothes, not caring if you’re telling him to slow down because they’ll rip.
He’ll buy you a new one- fuck he’ll buy you anything you’d want as long as he gets to fuck that tight pussy of yours.
Your heart is slipping at the sound of his belt unbuckling, too nervous to look at the sight of him sliding down any of the clothes covering his hard cock.
“Fuckin’ you raw, yeah? Doesn’t matter anymore since we’ll be married soon” Suna clicks his tongue, holding his heavy cock in his hands, pressing his leaking tip against your hole.
You shake your head frantically, “Don’t please Rin- don’t do that to me” you shuttered.
“ What? Ya afraid you’ll conceive the devil’s reincarnation? For what it’s worth, princess, if the devil is real.
It’s me.”
Without another argument he’s forcing himself into your shameless cunt causing a gasp to slip out of your mouth, not waiting for you to adjust until he’s fucking you into the bed. You’re holding onto everything but him. And he doesn’t like this- it’s not wife behavior is it?
So he leans over and painfully bites into your collarbone, “ hurt me back.” He commands.
And you give him exactly what he wants, slipping your hands under his shirt, digging your nails into his toned back, causing him to only get fuck you harder like it a competition on who can break the quickest.
You’re not holding back your moans- thankful for the lack of people near you, only giving Suna the privilege of hearing them.
Once you orgasm for the second time that night, he’s switching positions and forcing you to take him on his lap, his back resting on the bed frame.
You know what he wants you to do but you’re already so tired, you drowsily shake your head, hoping he’ll stop, and let finally you sleep.
Except all you do is annoy him, hissing under his breath as his hands grip your hips, forcing you to bounce on his cock, overstimulating your insides.
“ Slow down, Rin-“ you asked, knowing he won’t let you stop but at least the idea of slowing down seems possible.
“You wanna go slow, princess? Then you gotta do it yourself” he commented. You hesitate before nodding your head, thinking it’s a better option than letting him fuck you relentlessly.
His hands go behind his head while yours leans over on his thigh, slowly pushing yourself up, sucking in your breath and you sink back down.
Suna whistled at the sight of you fucking yourself on his cock, acting like the perfect wife.
He’s moving the hair out of your face before wrapping his hands around your neck, freaking you out as he lightly squeezes the sides of your neck. The action is causing you to stop your movement.
“Did I tell you to stop?” He asked, tightening the grip around your neck, making it harder to breathe, a growing light-headed.
Your hands are shaking as you’re lifting yourself up and down on his cock. It’s humiliating, knowing you’re getting off because of him- how easily he has control of your body
“Say you’ll stay” he pants, chest heaving, feeling your cunt squeezing on his cock because of his husky voice.
“ Say you’ll stay forever. Can’t ever leave my side, princess. Dont think I can live without this pussy” he asks, face flushed.
“ I’ll stay—Rin” you managed to croak out with the tightness around your neck.
That’s all he needs until he’s leaning over to your torso, hands moving to grip your waist, forcing you to stay still on his cock, cumming deep into your pussy.
You think that’ll be it for tonight until he’s pulling back and kissing you, tongue slipping into your mouth, hands moving to grope your breast again until he’s hard once more.
He’s manhandling you until you’re on your hands and knees. He's behind you, watching your legs shake as he guides his cock back into your stuffed pussy, fucking his leaking cum back into you.
You’re screaming from overstimulation, tears soaking the bed sheet under your eyes, hands gripping onto the bed sheet. You feel like you’re being crushed when he presses his chest against your back, his arms wrapped around your lower stomach, cock bullying your insides.
He’s never this energetic.
And you’re also never this honest, finally admitting to knowing the truth behind this charade. But you tell him you’ll stay isn’t something he believes in.
“ Bet you’re thinking about leavin’ when I’m asleep, yeah?” He huffed against the nape of your neck.
“You’d probably find a way to kill me first though. You’re not dumb enough to think I won’t find you” he uttered, talking to you as if he’s not fucking you into oblivion.
“ Doesn’t matter if m’dead or not. I’ll always be with you- every second til the day you fuckin' die, you'll be thinking about me. dreaming about me. haunted by me. So don’t you dare test me. Just be good and I’ll be good back. I fuck you good as well” he adds, his finger rubbing your swollen clit while his hips are forcing you to the edge, squeezing his cock so hard he can’t pull out to cum- not like he was going to do in the first place.
Suna lifts himself and rolls you to the side, admiring your fucked out expression, how you’re staring at the ceiling, chest heaving as you recover from your intense orgasm.
“ Maybe if fuck a baby into you. You wouldn't be able to leave,”Suna commented, the lack of playfulness in his tone suggested to you that he was actually serious about the idea of knocking you up.
“ I'm not - I not planning on leaving— I won’t do it, Rin. I’m telling the truth” you babbled, crying at the idea of going another round, hands frantically wiping down tears that felt never-ending.
Suna chuckles because for once, he believes you. He leans over and kisses your cheek sweetly.
“I’ll be nice and give you a morning-after pill I got laying around somewhere afterward, yeah? I’ll take care of you, but you gotta take care of me,” he cooed.
You are too cute. So much more innocent than Suna is- never committing the horrendous crimes he’s done. And he thinks you begging him to spare you from sex is so much more exciting than you begging him for your life.
But to you- it feels like you’re begging for the same thing. You’ll die if he fucks you again- that your body is too overstimulated and exhausted.
That doesn’t stop him- nothing will really, from getting hard, thrusting into you again. You don’t know when he stopped fucking you- was it after you passed out the third time? Or did he continue ever after that? When it’s over, you’re half awake, back leaning on his chest, his hand ushering you to take the suggested birth control in his hand. Then slowly tilt the glass of water down your mouth. While you manage to drink the refreshing liquid, you get a glance of the mess between your spread legs, cum shameless dripping out and you wish you never met him.
You’re awake and you don’t feel physically dirty, the evidence of cum wiped off your legs by Suna while you were sleeping.
If he hadn’t marked your body with his teeth and hands, you’d almost pretend last night was nonexistent. Plus the aroma coming from him cooking from the kitchen downstairs only ruins the fantasy even more.
Maybe you’ll run away one day and get away with it. But you can’t say you could ever truly escape, Suna.
Because that would just make you a liar.
taglist @fynn1issshh @kodsuken
#yandere x reader#yandere haikyuu x reader#yandere haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!!#suna rintaro x reader#suna rintarō#suna x reader#yandere smut#yandere suna#suna smut#yandere suna rintaro#yandere suna x reader#suna rintarou
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sweet ─ ❤︎ .ᐟ
outer banks jj x fem!reader
not proof read i made this while high and haven’t wrote in years
warnings - none! unless you squint really hard
Promt: in which jj’s girlfriend is a little too sweet
and here you were, getting scolded by jj on john B's couch at least you thought it was a couch you weren't really sure by how many piles of clothes were presumingly thrown onto here it “are you even listening?" jj says pulling you out of your thoughts looking at you softly. “i’m serious what if they wanted to hurt you, what if me and john b hadn’t gotten there in time?” the worry in his voice evident “what were you even doing on that side baby?” he says fidgeting with his rings pacing back in fourth just a few feet away from you. “there was a seashell.” you quip back knowing it was no excuse let alone a good reason to almost get yourself hurt. “what?” he said abruptly stopping his pacing to walk over and sit next to you having to move some clothes in the process.”it’s a seashell baby its not worth getting hurt for.” he says putting his hand on top of yours clutching softly looking at the slight cut on your knuckle feeling some anger rise. “i was trying to get it for you jj, i thought it’d look good on a necklace or a bracelet for you-“ your suddenly caught of guard when he brings his hands to cup both sides of you face, you don’t have any time to process before he kisses you. it’s a soft kiss one you don’t want to pull back from until your yearning for air. pulling away your the first to speak “i know it was stupid but i thought i’d be cute or something.” you say a little deflated meeting his gaze, for a moment there’s just silence as you both just hold each others hand and sit together. “that’s cute, stupid very stupid but cute” he breaks the silence pulling you into his lap making you blush. “my baby just is so sweet trying to get a seashell for little old me?” jj says face all red burrowed in your neck leaving light kisses “what did i ever do to deserve you?” he ask leaving a faint kiss on your check before hugging you from behind. “well-“ before you can even starts he stops you with yet another kiss. “it was rhetorical baby don’t answer that.” if trying to get cute seashells ends up like this all the time then you’d probably try again tomorrow.
he’s a little ooc i’m gonna zzrayagjwbwjekfjrn anyways this is short to start easing back into writing
tags
#outer banks#outer banks x reader#jj maybank x reader#outer banks one shot#jj maybank#jj maybank one shot#i hate this#high asf#savsweedwriting
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Christmas Traditions
Summary: Riding through Christmas lights with Dean and your daughter
Pairing: Girl Dad!Dean x Reader
Warnings: None 🫶🏼 Pure fluff!
A/N: I know it’s a liiiiiiitle early for Christmas, but this is loosely based on a night out with my husband and daughter a few nights ago. I hope you enjoy! I am currently working on part three of “Hot-Blooded” and the next part for my soldier boy fic so hopefully those will be out in the next week or so! 👀
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The rumble of the Impala drowned out whatever Christmas song Dean had blasting from the radio, but it did nothing to silence the cheers from the little girl in his lap. Lights flashed passed us as we coasted by, versions of Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph dancing sporadically around us. Dean’s loud laugh pulled my attention from the bright colors and I watched as he pointed toward a flashing blue figure in the distance.
“Look, Baby! It’s Santa on a Harley!” He bellowed, grinning at the small girl below him, “You love Harley’s!”
The little girl smiled, waving as we passed the motorcycle, “Yeah! I do!” She yelled out, standing between Dean’s legs and grabbing the steering wheel, “Wanna ride a motorcycle wif me, Daddy?”
His smile dropped and he pretended to cover Baby’s ears as he whispered dramatically, “You can’t say stuff like that in here, Sweetheart. Baby’ll get jealous!”
The little girl frowned and placed a sweet kiss on the wheel before whispering, “So sorry, Baby. I wub you.”
Dean grinned wider and turned her to see out the window again, “I’m sure she forgives you, Sweetheart. Baby’d never hold a grudge against you.”
She smiled widely and cheered as we passed a few brightly lit green penguins sliding onto a blue and white rollercoaster, forgetting all about potentially hurting Baby’s feelings. Dean placed a sweet kiss to her head and slid his free hand over to pull me to his side. He grinned as he wrapped the other hand around the little brunette’s eyes, driving with his knees as he said, “Don’t look now, Bud, Santa and Mrs, Claus are kissing!”
“Ewwww!” She’d shrieked, placing a hand over his tightly, “That’s nassy!”
He’d sent me a Cheshire grin and released his hold on her head as he placed a hand to the back of my head to pull me into a sweet kiss…met immediately with a loud, “No! That’s my mommy!” from below us as she tried to wrench us apart. Dean’s laugh bubbled out of him as he placed his eyes back on the driveway and released me.
“She was mine first.” He argued, sticking his tongue out before distracting her with the newest lights around us. His green eyes matched our girls as they caught the bright lights and shone beautifully, full of wonder and delight. His freckled cheeks were red and his hair full of snow from the open window. I chuckled at the sight, a blush creeping up my neck at how good happiness looks on him. Even after all the years of stress and danger and literal death he’s seen, hell, that he’d experienced first hand, he’d finally found his reprieve. I felt a bit of pride at the fact that I could’ve helped in alleviating that pain and sorrow, in more ways than one, and a smile creeped up my face. Though he’d been born to suffer, Dean had persevered and made it out of the shitshow he’d been thrown in and into this beautiful life we’d built together.
“What’re you smiling at, Mama?” He whispered in my ear as we coasted toward the end of the light show.
“A happy man.” I mutter back, placing a kiss to his cheek, “And a wonderful life.”
He smiled sweetly and pulled me closer as we made our way through the arches of lights leading toward the parking lot, “It’s been one hell of a journey getting here,” he mumbled, glancing down to our beautiful girl, “but it was worth every second.”
I followed his line of sight and sighed, leaning against him and smiling softly. The flashes of red, green, and blue lit up our girls green eyes and brought a glow to her own freckled face. The fact that she even exists is a miracle in and of itself, and one I can’t and won’t take for granted. I peeked back up at him and whispered, “Yeah, it really was.”
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Taglist: @lmhf1 @whimsyfinny @k-slla @enigmalynne @envysarchive
@daisydark @foxyjwls007 @roseblue373 @manicjk @aylacavebear
@suckitands33 @oceean @mxtansy @justwhisperingfantasies @mgchaser
#supernatural#spn fanfic#dean winchester#spnfandom#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x you#jensen ackles#jensen fucking ackles#sam and dean#fluff#dean winchester fluff#spn fluff
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୨ ⎯ headcanons . nicolas alexander chavez x f!reader
━ slow and teasing
He's the KING of teasing you with kisses. He'd start off slow, his lips barely brushing yours, just to make you lose it. You'd lean in for more, but he'd pull back slightly with that cocky little smirk, whispering, "Patience, baby. I'll give you what you want... eventually."
━ messing with u
When he's in the mood to mess with you, he'd kiss you once, softly, then trail his lips down your jawline and stop just short of where you really want him to go. And when you let out that frustrated sigh, he'd chuckle and be like, "Oh, I love how needy you get for me." 😵💫
━ spicy and possessive pet names
"Mine" - Oh, girl. This one would come out when he's feeling possessive. Like, if someone else flirts with you, he'd pull you close and whisper in your ear, "Don't forget, baby-you're mine." Chills.
"Darling" - He'd say this in that slow, deep tone when he's in full heartthrob mode. Like, "What do you need, darling? Tell me, and it's yours." Literal heart palpitations.
━ flirty pet names
"Baby" - Classic but effective. He'd say it in that low, teasing tone, especially when he's being playful or spicy. Like, "C'mon, baby, you know you want me to kiss you." Instant chills.
"Love" - When he's feeling all intense and romantic, this is his go-to. He'd probably whisper it against your lips mid-kiss, like, "You drive me crazy, love." Ugh, please.
"Beautiful" - He'd drop this one out of nowhere just to watch you blush. Like, you'd be getting ready or just sitting there, and he'd be like, "How did I get so lucky with someone so beautiful?" Byeee, my heart.
"Angel" - He'd use this one when he's feeling protective or extra soft. Like, if you're upset, he'd wrap you in his arms and whisper, "Don't worry, angel, I've got you." Melting!!
━ flirty energy on set
Nicholas would absolutely love teasing you if you visited him while he was working. He'd be all professional one minute, delivering his lines perfectly, and the next, he'd be flashing you that sly smile in between takes, knowing it's driving you crazy.
━ you're his safe haven
After a long day of filming, the first thing he'd do is find you. He'd wrap his arms around you in the coziest hug, burying his face in your neck while mumbling, "You're the best part of my day." He'd totally sneak little forehead kisses when he thought no one was looking, just to recharge and feel close to you.
━ validation
After a big scene, he’d run over and ask, “How did I do?" And when you tell him how amazing he was, he’d get all blushy and say, “That’s all I needed to hear.”
━ spicyyy
If the two of you were alone in his trailer? Whew. Nicholas would lean against the door with that cocky smirk, pulling you closer by your waist like, "We've got a few minutes before they need me... want to make it worth it?"
━ he'd hate seeing you upset
The second he realizes you're mad, he'd get all serious and be like, "Wait, are you actually mad at me? Baby, talk to me." And you'd be trying to ignore him, but he'd literally NOT stop following you around until you told him what's wrong. He'd have this sad puppy-dog face the whole time, which makes it SO hard to stay mad. Like, Nicholas, let me be angry for a second!!!
━ he'd blame himself
Nicholas would probably start feeling like he's the one ruining things. He'd get all quiet for a second and then look at you with teary eyes, saying, "Is this my fault? Am I not enough for you?" Hearing him say that would absolutely wreck you because you'd know he's always trying SO hard to make you happy.
━ cuddles
If you were busy or taking too long to cuddle him, he’d literally flop down on the couch like a toddler and be like, “Why don’t you love me anymore?” in the most over-the-top voice ever.
━ attention
If you even looked at your phone or got distracted, he’d nudge you with his nose and say, “Hello? What’s more important than me right now?” He’d fake being all hurt and be like, “Guess I’m just not your favorite person anymore.” But the second you kissed him or ran your fingers through his hair, he’d get all soft and mumble, “That’s better. You’re my favorite person, too.”
━ back hugs
Imagine you're busy doing something, like washing dishes or typing on your laptop, and out of nowhere, Nicholas wraps his arms around you from behind. He'd rest his chin on your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss on your neck.
a/n: guys thank you so so so much for the notes on my last post! here are some new headcanons 'cuz this man is killing me 😫 let me know in the inbox if you want headcanons for other actors/characters!!
#nicholas chavez#nicholas alexander chavez#nicolas alexander chavez#nicolas chavez#headcanon#x reader#fluff#feeling spicy#use me pls#lovers#fanfic#netflix monsters#actor#i love him#like pls
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BREAK
iwaizumi x reader , oikawa x reader
1.4k words
break - alex g.
you and oikawa are in a turbulent, toxic relationship. when it’s ‘off’ rather than ‘on’, iwaizumi is the one there to pick up the pieces- and wish you were his.
angst, hurt/no comfort, sfw
tapping out, in my head i see bright lights
It’s dark when you decide to head home, moonlight spilling over the tennis courts in thick silvery ribbons. The rest of your team had already left, giggling goodbyes wrapped in scarves and gloves, with a humerous warning for you to get home safe. Usually you all walk home together, but a simple beep from your gym bag was now the reason you sat on the damp rubbery flooring, hands squeezed into fists as you stared at the message before you.
“I think it’s time for us to break up properly. You know I love you though.”
You and Oikawa had a long history. Since meeting in your first year of high school, you had been on again off again in an intense and unconventional relationship- and you truly loved him more than anything. His pearlescent smile and lingering eyes were captivating, and the way he’d honed in on you so quickly was an absolute dream.
He couldn’t be serious, could he? You had been on many breaks before, the charismatic boy often cruel and borderline unbearable, but you had never actually broken up.
Blinking back the harsh sting in the corner of your eyes, you hauled yourself off the floor, smoothing down your little tennis skirt and patting down your hair to make sure it wasn’t unruly from practice. When confident in your usual immaculate appearance, you grabbed your gym bag and began to march over to the volleyball gym.
It was late, and no sound came from the schools most treasured building. Pushing open the door, you made a direct move towards the changing rooms, a route you had taken a million times before.
“Tooru?”
Silence. Your brows furrowed.
“Tooru? Are you in there? I need to speak to you!”
The door swung open, but to your surprise it was not the arrogant captain you’d expected.
Iwaizumi stood in the doorway, a towel slung round his broad shoulders and his spiky hair wet. Your name left his lips.
“What are you doing here? Oikawa said-”
“Is he here?” you replied impatiently, cutting him off. The spiker shook his head, peering down at you pitifully.
When you and Tooru had first started dating, you and Iwaizumi hadn’t bothered with each other. In his eyes, you were just another girl his best friend was chasing after, and in yours he simply wasn’t worth your limited time. However, once your relationship hit a year a friendship finally started to blossom. Iwaizumi would always take your side in bickers with Tooru, and even came to a few of your tennis games when your boyfriend couldn’t make it. By a year and a half, he was just Hajime, and the two of you would even hang out during the ‘off’ sections of your toxic relationship.
“He left early with Yuki.”
—
riding in, i think i’m feeling it now just like you did
—
You sat on a rain-soaked wooden bench outside the local corner store. Iwaizumi had offered to walk you home, and stopped to buy you an ice cream when you finally burst into floods of tears.
“Here. Such a weirdo wanting ice cream in this weather.” He unwrapped the lurid green plastic, holding out the sweet melon flavoured ice cream for you to take. The second he sat down you resumed your position nestled into the crook of his neck, inhaling the comforting smell of pine and musk, so different from Tooru’s harsh mint and expensive aftershave.
“Why is he doing this to me?” You sniffled, peering up at the boy next to you.
Hajime’s eyes softened instantly. The streetlight was shining directly onto you, making the tear streaks glow down your reddened cheeks, lip trembling slightly. It was rare to see you like this; even during the worst of your fights with Oikawa, you would usually hold your chin up and storm off, angry rather than sad.
“I don’t know, sweetheart. I don’t know. He’s just- being shittykawa like usual.” Iwaizumi says softly, knowing it won’t help. Not this time.
You look up into the warm hazel pools of his eyes. Hajime’s always been so good to you. You weren’t stupid, you knew how he felt; he didn’t have to say it out loud, it was obvious from the lingering glances and softness is his tone when you were present. He loved you, maybe even more than Tooru did.
———
“Iwa-chan! You’re such a brute today!” Tooru complained, having been hit with a ball for the sixth time since practice had started an hour ago.
The captain didn’t pout for long, spinning the ball on his finger as he started to talk about his date with Yuki. Again. “She’s totally obsessed with me, you know. Like most girls. She even brought me some homemade…”
Iwaizumi couldn’t cope anymore. Why was his friend acting like this? Like he didn’t just end a three year long relationship the day before?
“What about your girlfriend?” The spiker spat, trying to restrain his anger.
“I don’t have one.” Tooru’s eyes narrowed, hand moving to his hip. “You know this. And don’t act so surprised! It’s not like it was working out anyway.” The captain shrugged, turning back towards the net as if he was talking about the weather or what he was going to eat that night. “You won’t have to fulfil my boyfriend duties when i’m busy now. It’s a win-win!”
Hajime winced at that. Oikawa was so confident you’d never see anyone else in a romantic way, that it didn’t even cross his mind. His hands balled into fists.
—
taking hits for you, cause i wanna feel like i’m supposed to
—
You wanted to love Iwaizumi. You really did.
You decided that when you saw him waiting for you by the school gates, ready to walk you home after dark now that his best friend couldn’t.
“Hey.” He smiled fondly at you, eyes lingering at the hem of your white tennis skirt, then your mouth which finally had a semblance of a smile.
“Hey, Haji.” You spoke softly, unsure what you’d done to deserve this level of friendship and care from the usually stoic athlete.
The two of you began the walk home, talking for a while, then falling into comforting silence. You wondered if he’d noticed the sore redness and tired purple circles round your eyes, wordless giveaways of your heartbroken state. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything.
“I wish it had been you.” You whispered into the quiet night air.
Iwaizumi froze at your words, stopped a few feet behind you until you glanced back. You were being selfish. You knew it.
His eyes were hard to read, but you could tell he was surprised by what you’d said. The two of you stood staring in silence for a period of time, both unsure of what to say next, after your confession of knowing how he felt.
God, it felt good to have this effect on someone. To be loved and wanted. You wanted to be touched, as well. Your feet began to move before your brain could catch up.
It was cruel.
It was wrong.
He sank into you as you pressed your lips on his, pressing yourself against his warm chest as if he was a lifeline and you’d fallen overboard. The kiss was harsh, a clash of teeth and tongue and unanswered questions. His lips were slightly chapped, and he tasted warm and comforting. He was hot to the touch.
Tooru had been soft, with cold canines scraping against your mouth, setting your skin on fire.
You backed away from the visibly shocked boy in front of you. He was flushed, panting. Eyes waiting.
What had you done?
—
I could disappear, if this is what makes me feel so real
—
You sobbed yourself to sleep that night. Whether it was the guilt or the heartbreak you didn’t know- which one felt worse was impossible to tell. The next morning, you had six missed calls from Hajime, and yet your eyes focused instantly on the singular incoming call from Tooru.
You pressed accept before you could think about it too deeply.
“Why did you do it.”
Tooru’s voice was low, and you could picture the snarl on his lips.
“My best friend? Really?” You stayed silent. He spoke again. “Well it worked.”
“What do you mean it worked?” You choked out, swallowing down the lump wallowing in the back of your throat.
“I’m coming to walk you to school. Leave the scarf behind, yeah? You know I like to see your neck.”
this was supposed to be a oneshot, but maybe part 2?
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu angst#🍀.works#oikawa x reader#iwaizumi x reader#oikawa tooru#iwaizumi hajime#hq x reader#hq#hq angst#iwaizumi#oikawa
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Thank-you sentences for Kris behind the cut; I was offered dealer's choice and picked “mirror mirror”. relevant tags: clonecest, gender play, roleplay, daddy kink (( chrono || non-chrono ))
“Fuck, you’re so into this,” he breathes raggedly as he plasters himself down against the other’s back, a little too come-stupid to hold back the break in character, and Match–
Match–
Match bites his lip, and keeps his hips tilted up just perfectly for the deepest possible place Kon can get inside him; keeps himself up on the balls of his feet. Kon pictures him in heels. It is very fucking distracting, as a picture, and not in a helpful way.
“Yeah,” Match mumbles, barely audible, and Kon just about burns alive even before he gets to, “You're my favorite, Daddy.”
Kon really, really regrets the fact he just came. Even half-Kryptonian stamina isn’t gonna let him keep fucking the bastard right now.
Though if they’re talking superpowers in sex, well–his TTK really never has let him down.
Kon wraps his TTK around his dick–concentrates it around his dick, more like–and keeps it a hard and thick pressure inside Match, even as his actual cock tries to soften underneath it. Match makes another hitched little noise, and Kon nuzzles the back of his neck a little clumsily, trying to just–focus. Just get himself back into being Match’s “daddy”, at least for now.
Or being his special little princess’s daddy. Just, like, however his dick wants to phrase that right now.
“Please,” Match says, his voice flickering a little hesitant, and Kon drops a soft little kiss behind his ear and slides his hands up his sides; keeps his TTK-wrapped dick deep inside him, even if fucking him with it would probably fucking hurt at this point. It’d be worth it, definitely.
“You don’t have to ask, sweetheart,” he manages, and mostly gets himself under control. “Already told you I'd let you come on my cock as many times as you wanted, didn't I? Let you keep him warm all night? Let you be the pretty little whore you love being as long as you wanna.”
Match whimpers. Kon strokes his hands heavier back down his sides and presses down tighter against his back and gets him squirming under them; under him. His dick’s too oversensitive for the way Match clutches up around it, even with his TTK in the way, but he doesn't give a fuck.
He wonders, suddenly, if that’s part of why Match keeps fucking leaving him so fucking quick. If he can’t–what, goddamn justify sticking around if he’s not getting off for it.
They’ve got the same powers, after all. The same stamina. And Kon really doesn’t usually need or want to go as many rounds as they always seem to end up going. Really does wish Match would just, like–fucking stay and talk to him a little more often. Or just literally fucking ever, even.
He doesn’t really know how he feels about the fact he’s regularly fucking somebody who won’t even sit down and eat a pizza or watch shitty reality TV or even sleep with him, sometimes.
But if maybe Match feels like he has to leave, when he doesn’t have the “right” excuse to stick around anymore . . .
Kon digs his fingers into Match’s ribs. Match squirms again–clutches up tighter around his dick again–and Kon licks the back of his teeth.
He rolls his hips again, and Match whimpers again. A quiver goes up his thighs, and Kon presses him down against the top of the dresser and slides his hands down to grip his ass and knead in tight.
“Daddy,” Match whines half-senselessly, and Kon loops an arm tight around his waist and nuzzles roughly into the crook of his neck and up his throat. Match clutches up even fucking tighter and Kon manages to make what should probably be a groan of overstimulated pain into a dirty grunt and rock his cock in to the root. Match whimpers louder, his ass pressing back pleadingly and fingers gouging the dresser again.
Kon’s probably just gonna need to, like, fucking destroy the furniture after this, or else people might figure out exactly what kind of superpowers tore up this room and shit might get awkward, Kryptonian-ly speaking. Like, definitely he doesn’t want some rando tabloid reporter or online influencer asking Clark, “hey Superman, someone with your exact build and set of superpowers who kept their face carefully concealed from all the security cameras broke this paid-in-cash motel room somewhere in the Pacific Northwest with a sex marathon with an unknown partner; care to comment?”
Yeah, definitely not.
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Officer Tom Ludlow is hoping for a chapter 2...👀👀😘😘
He knows that you told him not to call you– but he can't stop thinking about you. Your strength and your sass and your loyalty to your friend…he could tell you’d been through some shit, even before you told him. He can spot that a mile off now, but he liked the way you carried yourself. You’d probably want to kick him in the balls if he said it to your face, but you are cute. Fucking adorable, in fact, and he can’t stop thinking about that kiss.
Goddamn.
It’s been a while since he met a woman he can't get out of his head.
He shouldn’t have looked up your address in your file, and he definitely shouldn't be watching your house now. Not in a creepy way. Just…looking out for you.
Ok, maybe it’s a little creepy, but what you don't know can't hurt you?
All he knows is that he's got to see you again. And he's not above creating some circumstance to make that happen.
If he could just talk to you again, he thinks that maybe you'd come around. You really had something that night. Something worth giving a chance.
He just has to convince you of that.
So maybe he slips some cash to his informants on the inside of the criminal world, and maybe he asks them to stage a robbery at your job.
He’s the first on scene—of course he is. He was waiting down the block in his car to single-handedly disarm the two criminals and cuff them at your feet like some fucked up offering of courtship.
Abby says, “hey you’re that cop from the bar!” and interrupts the uncomfortable, prolonged eye contact that the two of you have going on in the middle of the sales floor.
He smiles and rubs the back of his neck, cheeks pinking up, looking way too fucking good. He looks at you with that boyish charm and you know you’re going to melt into the earth—and you’re just frozen. Pinned to the spot.
It occurs to you that you should say something, so you settle on, “thank you.” It’s a shitty way to reward someone that just saved your life—or at least all the money in your register—and you feel like a giant bitch.
“It’s my job,” Hercules replies, with a little wave of his hand and some flexed muscles and tendons and veins to go along with it.
You narrowly avoid drooling all over yourself.
“I know how you can thank him properlyyyyy,” Abby sings, hanging up some fallen racks of merchandise casually while she embarrasses the fuck out of you.
“Abby.” Your warning growl does not help your case concerning you being fucking adorable, and Tom hides a smile under the subtle clearing of his throat.
Abby, all five feet of her which contains the audacity of a Roman Emperor or a spoiled house cat, prances up to Ludlow, and gets out her phone. Her dangling charms, glinting and sparkling in the fluorescent lights, make you suddenly very nauseous.
“You want her number?” She asks.
You will kill her for this, or puke on her—that works, too.
“How about.” Officer Ludlow takes his phone from his own pocket. “I give you my number and you give it to her.” He looks at you as he talks to her, and your heart is going to fucking implode.
“Deal, Officer.”
@johnwickb1tsch AGHHHHHHHHHH (lovingly)
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I’ve put up the second chapter of my rendition of leukon’s recruitment quest! The link is here if anyone wants to read it and I’ve added a little bit below the cut xx (thank you guys for 300 on the first chapter I wasn’t expecting people to care about it!)
This is also the chicken wing fic if you know what I’m talking about
The last of the men was sputtering out a quick succession of “No no no no! Wait wait wait wait!” As what Rook now recognized as a Crow stalked forwards. The snapping of the last Venatori’s neck ended the chain reaction of events. All in all, the whole ordeal lasted no more than ten seconds.
Lucanis’ clothes were tattered, stained with sweat and blood. What had once been a cotton shirt clung to his back below the Fade summoned wings. From the streaks of long since dry blood, it looked like he had wrapped his arms around himself and dug his own fingernails into his back, as if Lucanis had been trying to escape his own flesh – repeatedly.
His hair was longer and more unruly the last time she saw him on the other end of a café. The year’s worth of a beard made it so that if it were any other circumstance she wouldn’t have been able to pick him out of a crowd.
“Lucanis,” Rook kept her voice soft as if she was talking to a wounded animal. It was the same tone in which Viago used when he killed her master when she was a child, “I’m here to take you home,” She said, “We’re not going to hurt you.”
#dragon age#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#dragon age fanfic#dragon age fan fiction#rook x lucanis#I think it’s good at least#it’s a part of a whole series thing#The story before it is the conversation in the diamond#I added a lot of Viago bits
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Elliana was doing her best to keep her hands gentle and her expression soft, because there was nothing she’d hate more than to accidentally hurt him. He seemed to be content with what she was doing now, so she kept her touch as soothing and warm as possible.
She hadn’t meant to let her other hand stray to his chest, or had just felt so natural..to touch him, to be near him…she knew she shouldn’t let herself get carried away. But oh, how she wanted to. The kiss back in the Fade, it had been one of those events that had the potential to change the course of her life. Maybe it already had.
“Encouraged?” She playfully raised an eyebrow, and despite the fact that she might have been trying to be good, she couldn’t help but lean a bit closer to him.
“You say that, but you’re the one who started with tongue. Or does it not count if it’s Fade tongue?” She chuckled softly, teasing him affectionately. But, she could tell he was starting to pull away again. Trying to…stop this connection between them.
He’d called her vhenan…she could never forget that.
The seriousness of his expression when he took her hand and looked into her eyes, well, she looked downright smitten in response. Even when he was trying to tell her that he didn’t want to harm her, she couldn’t stop herself from fighting back.
“Solas…why would you think you’re going to break my heart?” She couldn’t comprehend that this sweet, wise, compassionate man that she was, well, she was falling for, would ever do anything to harm her.
“You are good, Solas. You may not see that, you may not believe it. But I do. And the choice I’ve made is to chase this feeling with you. This connection you know we both have.” Tentatively, she took his hand and brought it to the side of her neck, where her pulse fluttered widely, for him.
“You’re worth the risk of a broken heart.” She whispered the last part, looking away with a blush.
Elliana remembered knowing she’d come to speak to Solas. It could have been about whatever mission they’d completed that day, or maybe she’d been looking for more stories to distract her, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she’d gone looking for him.
She’d found herself wandering up the steps towards the main castle of Skyhold, only to realize after a moment that she was following Solas. She blinked. She didn’t remember how she’d managed to get there, but if she was with him, surely everything was alright.
It had been several weeks since their evening in the tavern. Despite Elliana sensing that Solas had…reservations…about their close relationship, she couldn’t find it in herself to keep away. She craved his stories, his wisdom, his company. Though she’d been more focused on the missions of the Inquisition, there hadn’t been time for more quiet nights like the one weeks ago.
“So,” She asked Solas as she followed him. “Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.” She was staying somewhat professional. She knew he’d had a long day, he was never obligated to spend time with her, so she wanted to make sure she was appropriately grateful.
@solas-enaste
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The illustration I drew for the fanfic "Fragile, handle with care" by @jorisjurgen. It's a fantastic work, this scene is probably my favorite.
#dofus#wakfu#joris jurgen#kerubim crepin#fanart#maitre joris#yeeeees I did it#it was a hell of a work#my back hurts my neck hurts but it was worth it#I actually can draw wow#i love joris so much so i'm gonna depict him suffering over and over again yeeeeeee#my art
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Voice reveal lmao
Saw Korn live for the first time in my life a couple of days ago, and I need y'all to know I'm still recovering
#me talks#korn band#jonathan davis korn#korn live#katowice spodek#lost my voice for two days and my neck is still hurting but holy fuck it was all worth it#I'll get back to writing soon#love y'all
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YOOOOOO I GET MY LAST OF US TATTOO NEXT WEEK WEEEE!!!!!
#it came up so much quicker than i realized#but holy fuck im so excited#big ol knife and moth on the back of my neck#its gonna hurt like a BITCH#but so worth#tlou#games that changed my brain chemistry
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gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?
#i've known since the day it unceremoniously came in the mail that my degree is worth less than the paper it's printed on#yeah i needed to college experience for social and lersonal growth#but why couldn't i have gotten something out of it that can help me find a damn job?#what was the fucking point of going through all that?#(the social and personal growth obviously)#ahgggggg#i'm too broke and disabled to go back to school NOW#(the way i'm coping with the anxiety of waiting to hear back about the internal job i just interviewed for#is to have Officially Decided That I'll Be Rejected Out Of Hand. So What Do I Do Next?#it hurts but at least i can move forward if the worst come to pass#and it gives me something to do while i'm Waiting#ughhhhh#why couldn't i have sold my damn soul and gotten the shitty computer science degree my school had??#i remember visiting a house a friend was pet-sitting for and seeing the couple's gaming setup#and just seeing dollar signs. they both worked in computer science and made $$$#but at the time it sounded like the worst thing in the world#and i'd already changed my major once... loved what i was studying... and had my dad breathing down my neck about how much my education cost#i'm so lucky i don't have debt. thanks to my grampa. but holy hell did my dad lord that inheritance over me and make me dance for it#i don't think he ever got over grampa pulling *his* college funding bc he spent college fucking around and dropped out#couldn't wrap his head around that the narrow thing he'd trained me to be would never follow in his 'rebelious' footsteps#i beat myself up over A-'s there was no way i'd do anything other than take my grades seriously#but that was the problem. i was worried about grades and what sounded bearable to learn. not what was realistic to do with it#i wanted to get a fucking phd! with what fucking money!!!!#of course not that i had the support or the maturity to understand what it meant to choose an education that could grant me a career#but who can i blame if not myself?#dad always said i had to Go To College. there was no choice in not going. but as soon as college came he shoved me out the door#and slammed shut. how was i supposed to know what to do without him there to make me do things all of a sudden?#that took nearly a decade to learn dammit#personal
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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did we make the right choice? was there a chance that if we made him live we could have found another way out? i cant tell if it was a mercy or if we just gave up.
#i feel like im trapped in the woods with no one around me and theres a wounded bird on the ground#its wings are broken and its too hurt to fly#it wouldnt live much longer#if i left it there to die#but if i walked all those miles back home#and found a place or found a person who could heal it#would it be worth it for it to suffer?#or is cradling it in my palm#taking its neck between my fingers#and snapping its neck the kindest thing i could do?#i dont know#i feel dirty after that.#nebula rambles#genloss spoilers#genloss#generation loss#tw animal death#so#heres a story for you all who've read my tags#when i was small i was with my brother at his friends house#and there we found a bird#it must have crashed into a window#there was a horrible wound on its neck but it was somehow still alive#we were too young to know about animal rehab#so we did what we though was best#we built a little house out of brick#and filled it with twigs and soft things#and placed the bird there#and we gave it clementines#fuck i wrote too many tags it deleted half of them- sorry if this comparison makes anyone uncomfortable i was writing from the heart-
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I did it
I finished the 1000 piece puzzle
won the bet too
#jigsaw#jigsaw puzzle#my back hurts#my neck hurts#in so much pain#but so worth it#chaos#chaotic dumbasses#endeavours with eagle
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