#my anxiety is high
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Guys!! Hello, it's me Fefa (threesonsofyork) I'm okay now. I had some problems at home, I was staying at my father's place, and it went bad. Now I am at home, I'll have to create a new account cause two of my blogs were deleted... I'll explain later. My laptop is with god now, but I have my desktop, I'll be okay. Thank you @daenerys-tarrgaryen @lucreziagiovane @katherynparr @valyrianpoem @fideidefenswhore @edwardslovelyelizabeth and everyone who were worried about me. I just hope my url is available yet.
#threesonsofyork#my anxiety is high#but i'll not give up studiyng so i'll never ever have to ask anything to my family#i really appreciate you guys#thank you#from the bottom of my heart
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
laguna seca is my favorite track until christian lundgaard is flying down the gravel off the corkscrew and graham rahal almost tbones marcus armstrong.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ugh
#i can't sleep#i have to get up early to work tomorrow#i haven't talked much to my fiance today while he's on his bachelor party#my anxiety is high#lynnette's thoughts
0 notes
Text
someone who is able to calm your anxiety >
8K notes
·
View notes
Text
horse. just horse. i'm checking out colored pencil brushes
also some things in the process? i guess? idk it's just me looking at different layers and thinking "that does look like someone missing a part of themselves" and then spiraling into my thoughts
#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr#and#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#cuz it's rdr2 horsie#haven't decided which bg to keep#so have two of them at once#my level of anxiety is too high tbh don't wanna decide anything. just wanna draw horse
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
@ USAmericans that are following me, if you (like me) get anxious you'll somehow have issues with a mail-in or drop-off ballot: I forgot that in a lot of places (here's a site to check!) early in-person voting is an option, so I figured maybe you did too!
Lines are MUCH shorter than election day,
which means it's quick and you have more time to look things up at the voting booth if necessary,
and you have a LOT more ability to find a time that works for you than if you just vote on Nov. 5th (which I would be have been almost completely unable to go out and vote on).
Early voting y'all it kicks ass. A quick google of "early voting (my city/county" immediately brought up the exact address, days and hours of where it was available. Will definitely patronize the fine folks at my local polling center again in four years assuming that. Things go well. And we still have a democracy in four years. OTL
#USpol#US pol#LOVE poll workers love the extremely clear signage at my polling place and the people positioned every fifteen feet or so#whose whole job is to nod at me and go 'yup you're in the right place go right around that corner and see the first open person at the desk#nothing assuages my 'I'm going to mess up this important process and go to jail probably' anxieties#like having someone give me clear directions and instructions every step of the way. bless.#anyway I was scheduled to work a 12-hour night shift on either side of election day because that's how my schedule works#and by hell or high water I was going to make it out to vote anyway but like MAN it's a relief to be able to go in person but not uhhh#at the cost of coming back to work wildly sleep deprived. LOVE that shorter line A+ process.#Anyway I don't often make posts about real life around here but I did fully forget this was an option so I thought I would shout it out!
457 notes
·
View notes
Text
Having one of those days/weeks where I start fantasizing about closing my shop, disappearing into the woods, and finally achieving my true form as a forest hag
#since i got back from my trip things have been relentlessly going wrong#manu problems shipping problems computer problems etc etc#currently cursing my ambitious nature and hoping i can get even one thing to cooperate and go right#so that next month and the new collection doesn't end up totally in shambles#I'm persisting but lemme tell you what i would love to give up right about now#tired#frustrated#high anxiety#😵💫#witch vamp#shitpost#but also it's real
415 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shout out to all artists who had to work without any strong direction or instruction.
I wish you a merry “the client likes it anyways”
#non mdzs#The real mood of this comic is:#AKA: you are in charge of designing a character but have only been given personality as a reference.#This was technically for a game dev meeting and I am part of a team rather than a contractor hired on.#But hey the anxiety going into this was still crazy high. I was playing a risky gambit.#Part two of this comic is me putting all those clowns on a powerpoint and presenting them in front of a few people.#Pointing at them and saying “Okay which clown do you like best? How can we sex up this clown more?”#I think I may be giving the impression that I’m more into clowns than I actually am. It just fit with the character okay!#I had to consult the REAL down-for-clowners for tips. Photos exchanged in the dark alleys of a discord server.#A hooded figure shakes their head at the first photo. Slowly nods as I add puffy sleeves. Nods furiously as I drop the neckline.#This clown still needs to marinate a bit more before I’m ready to present them to the wider world.#So stay tuned! They have become a delight to draw and develop!#Game dev diary#As this is part of that new arc in my life.#Can you tell I've been practicing with digital art a lot more? Boy have I ever! I'm getting stronger! And faster!
605 notes
·
View notes
Text
what prozac and therapy does for a motherfucker!!!!!!
#i’m so proud of her oh my god#idk everytime i see adaine conquer her anxiety it just makes me so unbelievably happy#(side note i know not everyone uses prozac it’s just what i use lol)#fantasy high#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fantasy high spoilers#fh#fhjy#d20
530 notes
·
View notes
Text
holy shit I did NOT realize how popular my "I will remove my teeth, for I want to remain kind despite my anger" quote is. I just googled it for fun to see what would come up, a bunch of people are quoting it not knowing who its from, an artist called Kuma made an album titled that, so bizzare
#also people are misatributing the quote to kuma and the first google result for the quote attributes it to them#which is kind of upsetting but not a huge deal whatever#its cool it seems to have entered culture like that#i get very mixed feelings about those instances where something I made got WAY more popular than i expected and#people are reposting it or using it without attributing it to me#i both feel bad when stuff isnt credited to me but also good that my art has expanded beyond my reach#its out of my control kind of and other people have it now#which IS what i want for my art and how i generally think art should be#but it is also obviously causes some anxiety to lose control and really full ownership of something that is yours#i think also there is anxiety about something of mine being taken by someone bigger than me#since they can just claim it as their own and most people will know them as the origin#not talking specifically about this quote btw just any of my work#ive definetly been thinking about that hbomberguy vid lol#i hope any of this made sense im a little high rn
748 notes
·
View notes
Text
The fact that Adaine "i don't know if im asexual im 15" Abernant and Riz "why is everyone so horny im definately aroace" Gukgak both being in the same show is incredibly important to me
#like i was just like adaine at 15 and have slowly shifted more towards riz but i like that both are shown#having 2 characters with similar aspec experiences and showing how they react differently is great#and do i think adaine is ace? not really i think if she feels attraction she would put that on the back burner while she deals with her#anxiety and her family being the worst and even now thats shes dealt with all that i dont think its a storyline shell dive into#i think what im trying to get at is that having people support her being ace would help adaine regardless of how she ends up identifying#and i think that riz having a friend (one who doesnt identify as ace) is important for him and feeling like he fits in while being aroace#i dont know if that made any sense but they are best friends#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#you'll have to pry aroace riz from my cold dead hands#<- thats my aroace riz tag
752 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tetris Fanart.
I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah
#text#art#eyestrain#cw eystrain#bright colors#cw bright colors#tetris#nintendo#god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever#i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow#but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it#ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces.#ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense#its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel#the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris#i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening.#and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat#ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind?#that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff#i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world#the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much.#its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out#but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time.#the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag#and uh.#objectum#yeah i think. i think yeah.
275 notes
·
View notes
Text
the last bits of 2023
#the last months I’ve mostly been busy with work but can say that I got through my first semester teaching successfully although struggled#along the way. my anxiety is at an all time high + I’m dealing with some medical stuff so I’m just trying to stayyy appreciative of every#day I feel good u kno. ugh.#I’m working on quitting my excessive weed usage lol. otherwise working out and doing pole when I can.#and watching lots of movies and doing lots of art . at least this past week since school is out#personal
413 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how difficult it must’ve been for Adaine to navigate her disorder without any support from any adults, and how jawbones reassurance (confusing and intense as it was) took an absolutely massive weight off of her back. Like sometimes just knowing that someone actually hears you is enough to make life easier.
#do many of the rbs on the first post were so kind and beautiful#so*#I love when I make something and it makes people emotional. it’s the best.#horrible horrible feelings about Adaine finally having her anxiety acknowledged by an adult as a disorder instead of a character flaw#she is actually everything to me if you even care#also everyone who said they like how I draw jawbone should know that I’m a furry#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#d20 fanart#fantasy high freshman year#fhfy#adaine o'shaughnessey#adaine abernant#jawbone o'shaughnessey#jawbone fantasy high#adaine fanart#adaine fantasy high#undescribed#my art
345 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm Only Flesh and Blood
(König × Reader)
[Dead dove: do not eat | MDNI]
TW: rape, non-con, imprisonment, death, violence, overall dark theme
(I don't know why, but this song just resonates with the story, not because of the lyrics, but the way he sings it.)
You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You didn't realize there was a war on the horizon, before it all fell down upon the city.
Between the rumbles and the upstanding pillar, you coughed as the dust surrounded you.
You screamed for help, as the shattered walls trapped you in, leaving no space for you to move. You did it over and over again, until your throat scratched. Yet no one came to rescue, no one heard you scream.
When the night fell, you curled up your body, trying to find warmth in the harsh structures. There's no light that could reach your place, you only knew if it's daylight when the temperature rose up slightly, although it soon blurred as you lost track of time.
You were starving, your lips were cracked and split open. You thought you'd die like this, until you heard a heavy stomp of a boot.
There was a sound of a man shouting above you, and a heavy thud soon followed. You didn't have the energy to speak, as you watched a little light come through the rubbles. One by one, the wreckages were lifted, and you winced at the glaring light upon you.
There's a shout, and more shouts followed after in a language you didn't understand. You covered your eyes to see a soldier stretched his hand to you. Just like a fool, you reached up to him.
The event that unfolded between the rescue and the medical help was fuzzy in your memory. What you knew was, you woke up in a cold room, with men in uniform by your bed.
They asked you your name, and basic questions that you weakly answered. After they wrote it all down, you heard them mumble the word 'foreigner'.
"Where am I?" You asked them with a hoarse voice.
"Hospital." One of them said, before they both left the room.
Your brows furrowed, as you sensed something's off, but can't pinpoint what it was.
When the doctor declared you've made a full recovery, you were immediately brought to a different building. The man took you to an office, where a hunched figure in a mask sat at the desk.
He shooed your escort with a wave, and he left the room without a sound. Leaving you with the big man.
"What's your name?" He asked with a strange accent.
"(Name)." You responded.
"They said you're not from here." He stood up, and you witnessed the full glory of his height, "Visiting?"
You slowly nodded, nothing to add.
He shot you a sneer, as he walked closer to you, "You didn't know there was a conflict?"
"No," You lowered your head, "I thought it was safe."
You saw his polished boots as he stood in front of you, before he lifted up your chin so you'd face him.
"You're lucky you're inside the ruin, you know." He began to speak with malice slowly dripped out of his mouth, "Your kin were mostly dead or imprisoned. The women were raped, and the men were skinned alive. But you're still alive. You must be lucky."
The grip on your jaw became harder, and you whimpered, both from fear and the pain.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."
He let go of your face, and you immediately took a step back with your legs trembling. Your gaze was down, and you couldn't see the smile on his face. He walked past you, and you heard the door open, before a soldier took your hand and led you through the hallway.
In the other room, you met several girls with the same expression as yours—scared, confused, unsettled. You stood beside one of them, and watched as the soldier left.
The girl turned to you, asking your name.
"It's (Name)."
"Oh." She responded, "Where were you from?"
You told her the name of your hometown. "You?"
"I lived in the neighboring country." She smiled, "I'm Nina by the way, nice to meet you."
You returned the gesture.
"Do you know why we're here?" You asked.
"I'm not sure." She said as she rubbed her neck, "But I overheard the soldiers referring to us as flowers, I'm not sure what that means."
"Flowers?"
"Pretty flowers, in fact." She clarified, "One of them even said exotic ones. I just hoped it's not what I think it is."
You opened your mouth to reply, but the conversation was interrupted by the opening door.
There's a man striding from the door, and stopping on his track to see the people in the room. He scanned them one by one, before he turned to the soldier on his side.
"Which one is the Colonel's girl?"
The soldier looked at you, before leaning in to whisper.
"Hmm," He let out a displeased grunt, "Well, take her away then. There's no point in choosing her when she's off the list."
The soldier said something to him, but he dismissed him.
"I don't care, take her away."
He pressed his lips together before he nodded.
"Come." He said to you, and Nina immediately grabbed your hand.
"Don't go." Her eyes were wide as she told you, and you were alerted by the fear in her face. But you didn't have the time to process it, as the man ripped you away from her, dragging you out of the room.
"No—" You tried to protest, "Let me go."
He stayed silent, while his hand was planted on your arm.
"Where are you taking me?"
"None of your business."
"It's my business to know."
"Shut up."
The two of you arrived outside, where he quickly called a car to the lobby. As the car parked, he opened the rear door and shoved you inside.
The door was already closed by the time you shouted at him.
The whole ride was silent, as you bit your nail, trying to make sense of the situation. You tried to look out the window, figuring out where the driver's taking you. Though you found nothing, not a single clue.
It took perhaps 15 minutes before the car parked in front of a house—a big house, in fact. At the front door, you met another man in military uniform. He didn't say much as he let you in, before locking the door behind.
It took a minute for you to process what happened, before you knocked on the door, asking why you're here. Again, you received no answer.
Deciding it's not worth the time, you began to roam around to find a way out.
It's a two-story house, with a big dining hall and equally big kitchen. It has a study room, and a meeting room right beside it, the two rooms were connected by a door. They looked like they've been used recently.
Upstairs, you found the bedrooms, as well as the bathrooms. There's a door leading to a balcony, but it was locked.
When you came back to the first floor, you tried your luck in the study room. It was full of papers, and you skimmed over it. But it's all written in a language you didn't understand, so you decided to move to the drawers. But as you bent down to reach the handle, you heard an unmistakable voice coming from the door.
"Don't touch that."
You lifted your head to see the same man you met in the office. He was leaning on the frame with his arms folded, watching you intently behind the mask.
"Curious, aren't you?"
You looked down to avoid his stare, "I'm sorry."
He took the time to examine your face, before he spoke, "I was planning to take you home with me, but it seems like my lieutenant sent you away without my permission."
"What do you want?" You asked him through gritted teeth, "You're not planning to send me back home, aren't you?"
He smirked, "Clever thing." He said, "Do you really wish to know that?"
You kept your glare at him as he explained.
"You see, you're still officially missing, and it's not our job to report every single person we found." He walked toward the bookshelves with his hands on his back and his chin up, "So if we found someone, it's our right to keep them."
He pulled a file from the shelves, and threw it onto the table.
"It's yours." He told you, "Go on and read it."
You looked at him with disdain, before you flipped the file open. There, you found all of your private information—the copy of your and your parents' IDs, your bank accounts, and detailed information about your background. Although it's written in German, you knew it from the written dates and a few familiar names.
"Do you understand now?" He spoke in a low tone, "You have no choice."
He left the room as you froze on the spot, unable to bring yourself together. The soldier by the front door took you to a bedroom and locked the door behind as ordered. Leaving you alone, at a loss.
You stared blankly at the window, and took notice how it's screwed shut. Even if you were to break the glass, it's already lined with railing. The same applied to the small window above the toilet, and you saw no possible way out in the bathroom too.
Maybe you could open it with something, something that resembles a screwdriver.
When the sun had set, you heard the lock turned, before the soldier entered with a tray and a jug of water. He set them down on the nightstand, before leaving without a word once again.
You looked at the food, and you had no appetite despite your stomach growl. You didn't touch the plate, but filled up the glass with water. That was it, that's your dinner for that day
At night, you couldn't sleep. You could hear the clock ticking, reminding you that you're still here. Pretty much alive.
20 minutes past midnight—you knew it from the toll of the grandfather clock outside—you caught the sound of the door opening, then closing. It came from the room beside you, the master bedroom.
That night, he spared you from the dreadful ordeal of sleeping together. But your luck was running thin after the third day of your stay.
You were laying on your bed with your thoughts, before the door of your bedroom opened. Your blood ran cold, as you heard a heavy step entering the room, and went towards your place.
The blanket rustled, as the man slipped inside. He settled into the bed, before pulling you into his chest.
Your heart beat hard against your chest, and you began to feel yourself sweating. You knew Fortuna frowned at you when he slid his hand under your neck, pressing his fingers on your pulse.
"You're still awake, aren't you?"
You bit your lower lip, and slowed down your breathing. All was an useless attempt to calm you down.
"Don't worry, I won't touch you tonight."
You took a sharp breath as you caught the meaning of it. It made him chuckle, as he buried his face into your nape.
"But if you try something funny, I can't guarantee that to you."
Your body turned cold when the words left his mouth, to the point that you stayed still, petrified by the threat.
He did keep his promise, as he fell asleep right by your side. Perhaps if you're a bit braver, you could lift his hand and escape that night, but his words hung on your head, as if it's a guillotine that'd fall on you if you moved an inch.
You didn't sleep that night. Drowsiness only came to you after hearing the birds singing, signaling the first arrival of the sunray. And you were too tired to notice the way he stirred, as it went closer to his waking hour.
In the afternoon, you found yourself alone in bed, with the door locked, and the breakfast on the table.
You survived that night, but it didn't mean you'd make it on the other days.
Unfortunately, it came sooner than you prayed.
It was your fault, you were careless. You thought he wouldn't pay any mind to a missing cutlery, but he did.
At the dinner, he asked you to accompany him at the dining table, and you sat there, blissfully unaware of the impending torture.
As you chewed the tender steak, he announced his concern about the lack of butter knife in the dishwasher.
You stopped at your track, as your body tensed up. The meat stayed in your mouth, as your throat tightened up, closing your chance to swallow.
"Did you think I wouldn't notice?" He asked with a cold glare, "Did you think I'm stupid?"
You kept your gaze to the plate, as the alarm blared in your head.
"Answer me!" He slammed his fist on the table, and you flinched away in fear. The reaction caused you to choke, forcing you to cough out the meat into the napkin.
"I'm sorry." You whimpered, while gripping your hand so it would stop shaking. "I'm sorry."
For a moment, you thought the time had stopped for you. Until you heard the chair moved, and he stood by the table.
"Hands on the table." He retorted, and your body obeyed him without delay.
You jumped when he threw away your plate, sending it and the cutleries to the floor as it shattered upon the contact. You began to feel unsteady, as the panic was rising from your chest.
He stood behind you, and you trembled as you heard the sound of a zipper.
That was the day you found that he'd use sex as a punishment.
He made sure that it hurts, and left you bleeding, he'd render your legs useless by bruising your hip and insides, as he rammed his cock against your core. You screamed at him, begging him to stop, but he kept going until he ripped the orgasm out of you. By the time he finished, you're entirely spent, as you curled up on the floor.
In daze, you felt yourself being picked up, before laid down on the mattress. Leaving you wondering about it in the morning.
He was cruel, but he took you to the bedroom instead of leaving you. He was merciless, but he bothered to put a few medicines on your tray.
You didn't understand him, and you didn't like it one bit. You had a hunch that it couldn't be that simple—that he felt guilty, or he felt the need to take care of you.
To your disdain, he continued to do it for weeks. He helped you up, and gave you the medicines every morning. He kept it as a routine, until you could stand on your feet again.
While your body's recovered, the phantom pain still throbbed between your legs. Reminding you of the consequences for your misbehavior.
The memory of it kept you in line, as you unconsciously complied with his demands.
That was, until his demand became more outrageous.
It seemed that he was testing you—putting you through unnecessary trials of whether you would obey him or not. He'd put a choker on you. He'd ask you to get on your knees, and put your head on his lap. He'd tell you to sing, while his finger slipped inside your panties. He'd place you on his desk, and told you to spread your legs while he watched you pleasure yourself. He'd force you to watch an erotica without your pants on, so you'd leave a stain on your chair. He didn't ask for sex, but what he requested was way more improper, to the point that you felt dirtier after doing it.
And he seemed to be pleased by it, he delighted in your humiliation.
He also got off on your fear.
He'd play a cat and mouse game with you, and he'd scream threats that'd set you running. He knew you're scared of him, and he used it to his advantage. And when he caught you, you'd be forced on your knees as he shoved his cock into your mouth.
You're aware that there'd be an escalation from the moment he declared he'd take care of you, but you weren't prepared for the level of depravity he possessed.
The way he'd threaten you with sex, and soothe you with aftercare, it was too much.
One day, you sobbed as you begged him to end it all, with your tears running down your face. But he just sneered as he rubbed his member against your clit, forcing you to watch as your body trembled when you came for the fifth time.
There were times when it's all quiet, when he was wrapped up in his work. Those were the times where you could gather your thoughts, and planned for a possible escape.
You knew about his gun collections in the study room, you just needed the bullet. You couldn't really escape through the front door, except when it's night. So you began to devise a plan.
In the back of your mind, your rationality told you it's impossible; that even if you killed him, his affiliates would catch you so easily. You have nowhere to go. But you shoved it back into the water, as your feeling thrashed inside your chest. You need to go. You need to get away from him.
Fortunately—and unfortunately—you found out the answer to your plan.
He hosted a house party with all of the soldiers. Some of them were recruits, and some of them looked like they're on the same level as him, judging by the presence of a pretty partner on their side.
You were given the role of a quiet escort, and you were allowed to leave his side only when he told you so. You wrapped your hand around his arm, as he greeted his guests.
The last friend of his came a little later, and your eyes were widened as you saw a familiar face. It was Nina.
She looked thinner compared to the last time you saw her. Her eyes were hollow, and her face was pale, with the exclusion of the red mark on her cheek.
You had the chance to talk to her when they all sat at the dining table. While the men were talking over brunch, you made your way to her and stood beside her.
She was quiet, and you doubted that she heard you, but it only lasted for a moment before she muttered out I'm fine.
"He slapped me this morning because I forgot to brew his coffee." Her lips trembled as she spoke, "But he told me to prepare everything for the party last night, of course I'd forget it."
Your brows furrowed with sympathy, as she continued her snivel, "I should've felt grateful that he only slapped me. The other girls—the other girls got it worse. But I—everything I did was wrong in his eyes. I don't—I'm so sick of it."
She quietly sobbed, and you took the initiative to pull her aside, guiding her to the restroom.
In there, you got the full length of her story.
The man who took him treated her as a housemaid, but never addressed her as such. He'd shout at her constantly, and he'd shove her face against the counter, forcing her to look at the little dust spot she missed. At night, he'd force himself upon her, with little to no preparation. And when she tried to escape one time, he brought home the head of her mother. The only family she had left.
You didn't know what to feel, but you could see that she got it worse than anyone.
You tried to soothe her, but you knew the wound was larger than you could stitch. It could never be healed.
As you both returned to the dining room, you found the table empty, as the men had already moved to his study room.
And your heart triumphed when you saw the key in his hand, as he opened the locked drawer to fetch something vital for your escape.
The bullets.
You watched him as he slipped them one by one into the old revolver. You burned the image of it in your head—the silver, big barreled revolver.
He then invited everyone in the room to walk with him, with the intent of showing a demonstration.
"This thing is a beauty, a wild horse," He remarked as he exhibited the firearm, "You need to learn to tame it before you ride it, or she'll kick you off the mount."
The men laughed, as some of them added an equally filthy joke. He chuckled before turning his body and stretching his arm to aim at the target.
There was an apple on the fence, on the far side of the garden. And the red fruit stood still, before it exploded as his gun went off with a bang.
The men cheered, applauding the magnificent show that you couldn't understand. Why did they praise it? Wasn't a gun supposed to do that?
You didn't have the time to ruminate, as you heard your friend whisper under her breath.
"He loves you."
The chatter from the men almost drowned her voice entirely, that you had to double-check your hearing.
"What?" You asked her.
She turned her face towards you, and a tear rolled down on her cheek. The sight of her stunned you, as she reached to touch your cheek.
"He never took his eyes off you." She muttered as she leaned closer to you. "I'm sorry."
For a moment, you thought you felt her lips brush against yours, as she pulled you into a kiss. And you almost taste the wine in her tongue, until a sharp shrill flew past you with an incredible speed. Before you knew it, you were on the ground, with her body slumped against you.
You sat there, watching the open side of her head as it dripped dark fluid into your dress. It was warm, and slowly seeped through the fabric, spilling over your thighs.
You didn't know who was screaming.
You couldn't remember how long exactly before they removed her body from you. The party must be over since the men took you to your room, leaving you alone as you sank into your chair. Your hands couldn't stop shaking, as you saw them stained with red.
What happened to your dress? It was supposed to be white, wasn't it?
You stared at your knees, as the image of her head was still fresh in your mind. You felt your vision narrowed, as if you watched yourself through the third eye. You weren't there, you were still on the ground, with your friend's head on your lap.
The door was opened, but you didn't notice it. You didn't notice any presence, before a hand softly landed on your shoulder.
You jumped out from your chair, almost shouted for the second time, if not for his embrace.
It caught you off guard, and you began to sob against his chest. You couldn't help it, it was the only comfort you had, even though you knew that he had removed every other hand just so you'd choose him.
"Don't be sorry." He gently lulled you, "She brought it upon herself."
He removed the bloodied dress from you, before turning away to fetch a wet towel. You didn't have the energy to fight him, moreover to lift your finger. So you let him clean the blood off your face, and off your body.
You didn't resist when he put the fresh clothes on you, and he guided you to the bed, letting your head fall onto the pillow. He didn't do much and left the room without a word.
On the bed, you let your mind wander to your friend—her hollow stare, the gaping wound in her heart, you should've known it. There's a quiet anger in you, as well as a deep sense of loss. She used you as a means to end her pain, but she had no other choice. She had nothing left.
For days, you asked yourself if it's the only way for her, or if you could help her, reach out to her just a little further. But what came back was an echo, since she was already an empty shell long before you could help her.
You were angry at yourself, angry at him, angry at the man who took her. Yet you couldn't do anything about it, you were powerless.
He was smart enough not to bother you, since you'd erupt at any given moment. But he'd snap at you if you crossed the line, and you'd end up with tears, as you bit your lips shut.
You don't know what to do with this anger, you still don't know the answer to this day.
While you have the plan ready, you haven't chosen the execution date. You need to be close enough to him to take the key, but you're still repulsed by him.
A week has passed by, and you find the courage to close the distance between you and him. You begin to join him for dinner, and keep him company in his study room.
That's when you start to see the crack.
There's a time gap where you can carry out the plan, at least the first plan. When he comes home, he usually leaves his things unattended at dinner time. You would have the freedom to roam, and you could sneak into his room for a short time. You once made sure which pocket that had the key in, and did a double-take a few days later. When you're certain of it, you move to the gun collections. You had memorized the revolver, so it didn't take long before you found it.
With that in mind, you're ready at any time.
You maintain a good facade in front of him, as you wait for the moment to strike.
The chance comes to you one night, when he decides to postpone the dinner. He has to talk with someone outside, and leaves his things on the dining table.
The window of time will be short, since the time it takes for him to finish will be uncertain. But you take it nevertheless.
You don't waste any time as you pull the key from his vest's pocket, and march toward the study room.
Adrenaline rushes through your body, and you're shaking as you take the revolver off the padded wall. You then turn your heel as you approach the desk, sliding the key with difficulties, before unlocking the drawer.
Alas, you run out of time.
You hear the front door close, and a heavy step echoes through the house. You hold your breath as you slide the cylinder release, and take a few bullets in your hand.
"Mäuse?" Your panic rises as you hear his call, with trembling hands, you try to push the bullets into the cylinder. Alas, one of them falls to the floor.
The noise must've alerted him, as the sound of his step turns into a heavy bolt.
You only manage to put two bullets in, before slapping the cylinder shut and aim at the door, right at the same time as his arrival.
He stops in his tracks when he sees you inside, with the gun in your hands.
"Don't come any closer!" You shouted a warning at him, though you couldn't hide the quiver in your voice.
He stands by the door, with his face unreadable, as it hides behind the mask. You pull the hammer, while your finger rests on the trigger. You're ready to shoot, he knows it from your stance.
He sighs, shaking his head in disapproval, "I gave you time, and this is how you repay me?"
"Don't—don't move." You tried to warn him once again, "I'll shoot if you move."
"Can you even shoot me with those hands?" He leered at you, taunting you with his words, "You won't hit any target if you keep shaking."
He catches you off guard as he storms the room, forcing you to pull the trigger.
The bullet hit his shoulder, and he shouts in pain. The shot you released enrages him, as he pulls a sledgehammer from his side.
You don't have the time to aim as you shoot the second bullet, and it flies past him, leaving him unharmed.
A high-pitched scream escapes your mouth as the hammer slams onto the desk, causing the wood to crack upon impact.
The revolver quickly dropped as you fled to the connecting door, escaping the place through the next room.
You run towards the front door, trying to push the handle, but it won't budge. You hear him coming, and jump to the side, narrowly escaping his hammer of rage as it punches through the door, sending the broken pieces everywhere.
"YOU COME BACK HERE!" His voice boomed through the house, and you could almost feel the floor shaking.
You dash to upstairs, and push your bedroom door open, before locking it just in time.
Still, it can't protect you from him.
You watch in horror as the door shakes and fills the room with the cracking sounds, before it flies open by force.
And there he is, standing at your door like a nightmare.
You can't do anything except running away from him, running to the corner where you'll certainly meet your demise.
And you lift your arms and brace for the impact. You can see the hammer coming to you from the corner of your eye, and you cry out when it strikes.
It's all silence, before a quiet sob falls from your mouth.
His hammer crashed on the wall, just an inch away from your head, showering you with dust and smashed fragments.
Your body slides down to the floor, as your legs give up. You continue to weep, while he lifts up the hammer, and tosses it to the ground.
"Are you done?" He retorted harshly, and you shrunk away from him.
He yanks your hand away, and throws you to the floor. You yelp when he sits on top of you, pushing your face down to the ground.
"Should I treat you badly so you'd learn to appreciate what I did for you?"
"You took my freedom away." You hissed through your tears, "You kept me in here so you could play me like a toy."
"But I took care of you, didn't I?" He growled, "I never asked you to clean the house, you didn't even have to cook for yourself. What more could you ask for?"
You flinch at his tone. You've seen him angry a few times, but never this angry.
"Do you want a toy of your own?" He asked, voice dripping with bitterness. Your eyes snap open, as the phantom pain throbs in your hip. "I can certainly give you one."
"No…" Your lips quivered as he slipped his fingers under your clothes, "No, no! Stop!"
You tried to kick him away, do anything to get away from this monstrous man.
"Get away from me!" You screamed at him, but he ignored you as he ripped your clothes off. "Please! I'm sorry—"
"It's too late for that, don't you think?" He laughed when you tried to crawl away, while he undid his belt.
You cry out when you feel the head of his cock poking against your core, before he slowly pushes it inside.
It was excruciating, as he stretched you open with a force. He groans as your walls clamp around his member, as if repelling him from entering.
He snakes his arm around your shoulders, as he pulls you close until his chest is flush against your back. A bitter tang of iron hits your nose, reminding you of your own mistake. He hisses when you grab him on the place near the wound.
"Don't think you can escape me, (Name)." He snaps his hip against you, and you throw your head back, eyes tightly shut. "Not even in your death."
You scream when he buries himself completely, stuffing himself to the hilt, until you feel yourself full.
The pain comes back to you, as you feel your core burning. He makes it worse by feeding it frictions, as he begins to pump himself in and out. He tosses his mask aside, before he marks you with his bites. He sinks his teeth onto your neck and shoulder, before he lifts you by your chin, and crashes his lips against yours.
It was bitter, full of teeth. His kiss tasted like rage, and the jealousy he held since your friend stole it from him.
You cough from the lack of air, and fall down on the floor. The mixed saliva in your mouth drips down to your chin, and he runs his thumb to wipe it off.
He bends down to kiss you once again, and you whimper when you find yourself growing wetter against your will. The resistance from your walls becomes lesser, and he can easily slide his member in.
"You know, Mäuse," He mused as his hips moved like a piston, "I'm only flesh and blood, but I can be a good father."
He keeps his arm around your body, as you struggle against him.
"I can buy you a big house, taking care of our little ones." He covers your mouth when you begin to voice your protests, "As long as you're with me."
Your hand starts to flail around, trying to hit his wound, but it's out of your reach.
"I'll make you my wife, and we'll live together as a couple." He said with a smile, but through your eyes, it was a madman's grin. "You just have to be good, and I'll treat you as such."
His cock brushes against the spot that made your moan, and he keeps hitting it until your back arches, as you turn limp in his arms.
He soon follows after you, as his cum spills into your womb, filling you up to the brim. You gasp when his arms tighten around you, as his cock twitches inside your core. A sense of dread hits you as you feel his cock doesn't get any softer.
"I think you'll make a great mother." You heard him murmur, before he pressed his lips against your temple.
#I have “writing dark fic is my coping mechanism” syndrome 👍#tw noncon#please read the warnings#dead dove do not eat#könig x reader#konig x reader#call of duty#cod#cod mw2#konig cod#he might be a bit OOC but I do believe that he'd turn cocky when he's the person in the high rank#like what's social anxiety? I'm the captain here#*the colonel#whatever
294 notes
·
View notes
Text
my johto timeskip designs + bios/teams below!
i think about this group ALOT!!! if i had any confidence in writing i would easily share the whole hgss rewrite i have in my head but alas… just take my drawings instead! i like to give characters more “realistic” outfits… not really a modern au? i love to imagine the pokemon world with all our worlds pop culture which inspires my designs! long post but enjoy!!! ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
lyra + 20. champion ranked trainer
♡ Raised by her single mother, aunt and older cousin Kris in the small New Bark home. Her father died when she was 6 in a mining incident involving Team Rocket. Bubbles, her ace Azumarill, was gifted to Lyra by her father on her 5th birthday - being her final gift from him.
♡ Extremely outgoing, sweetly optimistic and immensely empathic. Absolutley loves making friends and talking to every kind of person. However, is extremely competitive & stubbon and gets frustrated easily - resulting in her giving up quickly but is also extremely quick to be re-motivated. Often feels the emotions of others intensely. Very country girl with an extremely strong Johtoian accent and lisp. Loves 'girly' things like makeup + fashion, period dramas and collecting nick-nacks but also loves spending her days outdoors, espcially in the National Park with Ethan watching the bug-catching contests or the Safari Zone.
♡ Struggled with her battle confidence as a young trainer which resulted in her having to re-battle Falkner and Bugsy several times. Over her journey grew an appreciation for pokemon perceived to be 'weak' & cute and built her team around showing the powers of these types of pokemon. Despite being a Champion Ranked trainer, Lyra opted to work with Ethans grandparents at the daycare center where she specialises in pokemon breeding and training weaker pokemon + their trainers.
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
silver + 23. champion ranked trainer
♡ Only child of Rocket Boss, Giovanni. Was born and raised on Island 5 of the Sevii Islands by multiple admins, most commonly Archer before running away to Johto. Has a deep rooted and consistent fear that he’ll never amount to anything but “Giovanni's kid”. Was extremely tight lipped about his upbringing to the trio, especially after learning of his loose connection to Lyras father’s passing. Finally told them the truth of his family after the defeat and final disbandment of Team Rocket.
♡ Originally extremely standoffish, condescending and at times, aggressive. As an adult is still quite serious and independent, but genuinely enjoys the time he spends with his friends and is surprisingly protective of them - especially Lyra and Kris. As time passed, his anger towards his father evolved more into guilt, however, over the years has become more patient, gentle and forgiving with not only others but himself. He still can come off quite intimidating to strangers, but these changes are noticeably visible to those close to him. While usually a quiet person, has a very dry and witty sense of humour that takes most people by surprise.
♡ Mentored by Lance, and later Blue, and spends a large amount of time training in the Dragons Den. While unsure of what direction he wants his life to go into, Lance is adamant he would make a fantastic gym leader or elite four member. Always accompanies Lyra to the yearly Champion Balls and Alola trips. Currently lives in a small beachside bungalow with Lyra in Cherrygrove where he enjoys spending his free time reading and teaching himself guitar.
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
ethan + 21
♡ The childhood friend of Lyra, Ethan was raised by his father and grandparents in New Bark. Extremely courteous, friend & family oriented and easy to talk to. A natural comic and can make even the straightest face people crack a slight smile - Red being his proudest achievement. Lax and slightly ditsy but can adapt to any situation and group of people like a flick of a switch. Not the best at articulating himself but always puts 110% into making sure people feel comfortable through his actions.
♡ Completed the 8 Johto gyms but never challenged the Elite Four & Lance in favour for persuing his true passions. Currently works at the Goldenrod Radio Tower where he co-hosts a program consisting of interviewing gym leaders, elite four, champions and other prolific battlers. At nights, does standup in the clubs in the Goldenrod Tunnel. Due to his easy-going nature and career, tends to knows everyone’s buisness + gossip and has crazy experiences with nearly any person imaginable.
♡ Currently lives in a small loft in Goldenrod. Spends his free time watching anime + cartoons or in the National Park either watching the Bug Contests, skating or talking to the old folks. Enjoys the nightlife of Goldenrod where he usually pulls Silver out to bar hop or spend hours playing Voltorb Flip.
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
kris + 25
♡ Oldest and mother figure of the group. Was born and grew up in New Bark town with her mother before her cousin Lyra + aunt moved in with them when she was 11. The two shared the large upstairs bedroom growing up where Kris introduced Lyra to contests and the annual Champion & Wallace cups.
♡ Mature, soft spoken and extremely intellegent - both academically and socially. Because of this, can offer solutions on any issue on both a practical and emotional level, no matter the person and situation. Has unique relationships with all three kids but in general sees them as her younger siblings and takes the role as the 'older sister' very seriously. Has a warm and comforting presence, making those even to the likes of Silver feel comfortable confinding in her.
♡ Quite reserved and struggled with her purpose and sexuality growing up, espcially in rural Johto. After the death of her uncle and seeing her daughter’s interests in the Wallace Cups and contests, her mother moved the two to the Hoenn region, settling in Lilycove City when Kris was 13. While starting her gym challenge in the new region, Kris fell in love with Hoenn's unique weather patterns and ecosystems. Eventually she quit the gym challenge to peruse a career as a meteorologist where she now works at the weather institute. When not working, she enjoys attending contests, museums and scuba diving. Finally feeling settled in life, she came out to her family + the trio when she was 20.
⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆
#pokemon#trainer lyra#rival silver#trainer ethan#trainer kris#pokemon hgss#soulsilvershipping#tried to give each character a little reference to something they like?#lyra with an azumarill phone case! silvers shirt is a direct reference of bathorys self titled album! ethan with the dragon ball shirt and#south park skateboard and kris’s bag is the rain badge bc she’s a massive fan of wallace :p#ooooo and her sweater vest is also inspired by wallaces rse outfit & colours!!! she’s got a tan now from the hoenn weather:)#lyra also incorporated the silver wing into her bracelet and silver is wearing the rainbow feather!#lyra was heavily inspired by kfashion + beauty silver is a metalhead ethan is a walking cartoon network advertisement & kris is a 80s mumma#flat rendering bc I could not be ASSED going all out lol saturation high bc it suits everyone’s vibe (maybe not silvers lol)#i always hc’d lyra having a shiny t-tar and was shook when masters gave silver one😭😭😭 they watching out for me and sss i geuss!!!#my anxiety + fear of posting art has come back at FULL force it’s very annoying😭 i also can not write so anything like this makes me#stressed ahhhhh i tried to keep it as similar as possible to my old sv timeskip designs!#pkmn#pokemon gsc#lyra pokemon#silver pokemon#ethan pokemon#kris pokemon#johto au#hgss#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#my art <3
168 notes
·
View notes