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syalmazhafira17 · 4 years ago

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Ever Since New York

A/N: Hello! This is my first HS fanfiction for the Playlist Fic Challenge hosted by @harrystylescherry. I didn’t specified any Harry era, you could imagine any Harry era you want to! I think this is also a reader insert fanfic, but well, hopefully it does. The pronoun I use here is she/her. I know this is not the real meaning of the song, but the actual meaning of the song triggered me myself, I didn't like to write about it, I'm sorry. If there’s any mistakes, please let me know because English wasn’t my first language. And if you’d like to give me reviews or talk to me, you could absolutely do it! Happy reading! XOXO, Syalma

Word Count: 5.1k

TW: car accident

“I’ve been praying ever since New York” – Ever Since New York

Things started in a place. And for Harry, it was New York.

New York City might not be the most romantic city in general public, but for the Harry Edward Styles, the city is a gift for him. The sweetest memory started here, in the city. When every now and then the city was always busy, but he found comfort in the middle of it. Something he previously never thought to find about in this city.

///

He was just shuffling through the crowd in Times Square. It was at night in the busy hour. He was wrapped in a thick jacket and sunglasses, and everything was so packed, even people, and anyone barely notices him. Which he was thankful about, because it was already a tiring day for him in the studio. It’s already late in his opinion and all he wants is jump on his bed right away. Or maybe a cuddle, even, only if he has someone to cuddle.

The thought stuck in his head, and that night, God given him what he wishes quietly. He bumped into a girl in the Metro. The girl turned around, rising her eyebrow in confusion. When she saw him, she started to freak out. Her head already in a negative view. She step aside a little, giving a space between him and her. He wanted to mumble an apology, before realizing the girl already stepping away from him.

She looks like she’s a college student, he thought. And before he knew it, she snapped her eyes at him alarmingly. He knew she can’t see his eyes staring at her like a lost puppy found its owner, but it surely already makes way to her instinct.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and turned away, locking his eyes at the ceiling of the Metro track.

He didn’t know, that ever since that day, she will be stuck in his daydreams, and out of the blue, making way to his songs and writings.

Ever since the metro, she’s all he thinks about.

///

Their faith tied together again. It’s lunch time and they both met again in the restaurant.

She was looking around the place to find one single unoccupied chair. Her eyes fell on two, one in front of a smoking men and one in front of the curly-headed men. She hates the smoke, and for the sake of it, she makes her way through the table.

“Hello, I’m so sorry to disturb your lunch, may I sit here by any chance?” she asked. The men turned around. He looks right back at her, with bright green eyes and hazelnut curls on top of his head. A moment of silence as Harry regains back his memory of the Metro girl he bumped into.

“I’m so sorry, if you didn’t want to. I’ll find another seat,” she brought her tray away, walking to the opposite direction from the table.

“Hey, um, I didn’t mean to. You can- you can seat here,” he nodded, chewing his lips. He has been thinking about her for some times, once he already got the girl, he messed it up by just looking at her.

“Oh— thank you so much!” she smiled brightly as she turns back to the table and set down her food tray.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, before he speaks up after a war with his gut.

But she did it first.

“I’m sorry, but you look familiar, have I met you before?” she asked.

His mind glued at her until he forget to answer it until she cleared her throat in a code to snap him back to reality.

“Eh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, we’ve met before. In the Metro, the men bumping at you at busy hour,” he scratches the back of his neck, like he always do when he was nervous.

“New York is really a city of possibility. Who knows I bumped into Harry Styles on a Metro?” she laughed. Harry’s smile makes its way back to his face. There’s something about this girl he was very fond of.

“You know…me?” he asked in disbelief.

“Of course I do. Like everyone else. I’ve been a fan,” she nodded.

“You didn’t, don’t get me wrong, look like one,” he stared at her. He wanted to hear her way of saying ‘I do’ in front of their families and kissed in front of everyone. With him.

“Well, I am. Not all fangirl looks like they are a fan, aren’t we? But yeah, I’m a fan. Dying to get a quick snap of you, but I figured you will quickly find my phone’s camera lens as soon as I snap it, considering your sixth sense of it and me sitting only separated by a table, so that might not be a good idea. And yeah, maybe I look calm outside, don’t be tricked by it. I freaked out inside,” she laughed. There’s something about the way she talks that makes him mesmerized by it. He gulped down.

“Do you want a snap?” he offers. Her eyes look back at him in shock. She slowly nodded. She offers her phone, but he already pulled out his.

He snap their picture quickly before he sends it.

“Do you have an Apple product phone? So, it will airdrop?” he asked.

“Eh, no, I have an Android, but I have my iPad with me. Give me a sec,” she pulled out a device from her backpack. She turned it on and Harry sends the picture to it. He glances at the name of her device. y/n’s iPad. y/n. A name he will remembers.

Looking at him glancing at the name of her iPad, she suddenly realized.

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m y/n,” she offered her hand.

“Nice to meet you, y/n. I’m Harry,” he giggled.

“Hi Harry,” she said, in a soft tone, that makes him wanted to listen to it for the rest of his life. They both laughed and continued their food.

Ever since the restaurant, he wonders if their faith will collide once again.

///

“Hello, um, no, that’s…probably not a good tone, you have to use the perfect charming tone. Not too low, not too high, not too fast, not too slow. Hey. That’s too informal,” he chippers in front of his bathroom’s mirror.

He didn’t know how much luck he could get right now. He got her phone number, for some weird connection only God knows exist. She was one of his mates’ old friend. Her contact was buried beneath his’ phone for ages and he managed to pull that out of his contact and have the courage to save the number in his phone and gave the girl he met by coincidence a call in one fine Saturday night. And managed to croak out a question in the middle of his nervous state on that simple call.

And fast forward a week, here he is standing in front of the mirror, practicing his line over and over while his nervousness ripping him off little by little. He doesn’t know how he have this whole luck of her.

His phone suddenly rang, snapping him out of his thought and sprinting to his phone as quick as possible. He pulls up the green button after glancing at the caller’s ID.

“Hey, Harry,” she greeted. Her voice ran down his spine and gave him a comfort he never felt before with anyone else.

“Hello,” he said. A dead silence for a moment before she continued speaking.

“Um, I don’t know if I disturb you, I’m so sorry if I do, but I’ve been waiting for about 45 minutes, and I wonder if you will go on the date or cancel it? Because if you want to cancel it, then it’s okay. I’m just checking.”

Harry looking up at the clock on the wall. The clock showed him the time that felt like a slap at his face. And her soft voice asking him in concern make him regret his own feeling. He was supposed to be where she is now an hour ago, he planned on coming earlier than her to make a good impression, but now he’s late, like really late. There will be no way she’s going to forgive him nor agree to go on the second date with him.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, I– I just lost track of time, I’ll be there in a sec,” he stuttered. He push his phone to his pocket, ran to his keys, and flung himself to his Range Rover and hit the road as fast as the law allowed him to sped up.

He arrived in the span of 15 minutes from her phone call, panting and sweating, as well as nervous and panicking, scared to look at her face once she pulled up to the passenger’s side of his car. She raised an eyebrow before touching his bicep softly to distract him from his thoughts.

“Harry?” she asked. “Are you alright?”

��Uh- yeah, I’m okay,” he nodded quickly.

“You look pale and sweating,” she examined his face.

“I’m great, that’s just…my natural features,” he tumbled over his words. “Shall we go?”

“It’s okay if you’re not feeling good, I could just go home,” she looks at him with a concerned face.

There will be no way he will let her let out of his grasp. He was already in the edge of not getting her by forgetting the time, he won’t let her go home alone this time.

“I’m perfectly fine, we’ll go to one of my favorite restaurant,” he stated, the thought simply giving him a new pump of confidence.

“Oh, alright, we’ll go then,” she relaxed to the seat and buckled herself. He drives through the night glow of New York with Brooklyn Bridge and Miss. Liberty watching him. Watching quietly as Harry Styles trying his best to get the girl he dreamed of by picking up the rest of the pieces left about him in her that he already broke. And this city being the quiet paparazzi recording every step of him got the love of his life.

Ever since the date, he knew he will do anything to be with her.

///

He shifted in his sleep, making himself a little more comfortable, while scooting further to her arms. She wrapped her arms around his wide form graciously, mumbling something before inhaling his scent to soothe herself to go back to sleep.

They tangled together in her bed, sheets crumpling beneath their bodies. They didn’t need it anymore; each other’s warm presence was more than enough to keep them safe and sound in the summer night.

They have been official for a couple months now, 7 months to be precise, after him, being a nervous wreck having the courage to ask her to be his and his only. He was nervous, sweat covering his palm, and his voice trembling as he asks her. He doesn’t know how he did it, but he did end up driving home with her hand in his and a thin layer of her lipstick left on his lips. And when he got back to his own place, he screamed from the balcony to the busy road beneath, doesn’t even spare a glance at pedestrians looking up at him weirdly, or the fans started to clicking their cameras up secretly, or paparazzi recording him. In his mind, the world was just him and her.

His eyes flicker open, looking up to her, who sleeps peacefully. He stays there and just watching her breathing rhythm. He loves it when she got into peace like this, with no crease between her brows or an upset face painted on her beautiful face.

“Are you going to creepy stare at me forever or tell me what time it is?” she asked, her eyes still closed.

“Both, it’s around 1 in the morning darling,” he said sweetly, kissing her shoulder.

“Great! Now tell me everything you wanted to ramble on,” she said jokingly.

He knows she was joking, but he did anyways. He spoke up.

“I want babies, to cuddle! To squish their little chubby cheeks. How cute would that be? They will have green eyes and curly hair like I do, and they’ll have tiny smile that looks like yours! And we’ll squish their tiny faces and kiss them and we’ll spoil them with so much love and—and—and—Gucci!” he giggled after the word came out. Of course, Harry’s staple, Gucci, will be on the list of his babies.

“And we’ll put them in bear onesies I saw on Pinterest the other day! And we’ll paint the walls soft yellow, and we’ll get to cuddle them in our arms at night, and they will squirm in our arms, and when they wake up hungry in the middle of the night, I’ll come to them so you’ll sleep. And I can stop my work while they were little, could almost be packed in the suitcase I brought on tour! And when they got old enough, we’ll go around the world and they’ll meet a lot of people, will see the world in real life. And then…they’ll grow up,” he ended his ramble about babies in a sad face, realizing babies could grow up too, and they will not be so little anymore.

“And then, you’ll make more,” she ended the whole story for him.

“You? Why not— oh yeah, I’m sorry,” he looked down like a sad kitten. “We never talk about this before.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. We’ll be a little family, with babies like you want, yeah? Their little faces and cheeks, want to squish and kiss them already,” she fixed her words. He looked up at her again excitedly.

“And we’ll have kittens! Cute little fur balls in the couch!” he continued on.

He continues to talk about kittens. How cute they were, how many will they have, and how he will fed them.

“I love cats lots, but not as much as I love—” his eyes widen after he realized what he just said.

“I love…?” she didn’t have a single clue what he was about to say. And he was thankful for it. “Babies?” she guesses.

“No,” he shook his head.

“So…what?” she furrowed her eyebrows. “Working in the bakery?”

“You, I love you,” he finally decided to risk it all and said the three words that have been stuck in his mouth for the past months.

“I…Harry,” she said sternly.

“Yes?” he looked up at her like a scared kitten.

“Are you sure about those words?”

“With my whole heart, darling.”

“Like sure, sure?”

He nodded quietly.

“I love you, too,” she whispers right to his ears and kissed his pink lips.

His cheek and his nose flushed red. He couldn’t believe that he just did it.

Ever since that night, he knows he wants to spend evermore with her.

///

He was in LA again. Not staying in New York. It’s the fifth time he did it, with no preparation call, but just a quick text once he arrived. Leaving her confused for a moment before processing her boyfriend’s quick news. She was already living in his New York apartment he purchased for both of them, but he was barely there. At bright days, he spent it with his guitars, music, and studios, and at night he conquers the music industry concert. At weekends, he was busy to move around the world, too busy to text his girlfriend about his plan and whereabouts.

Today, she had enough of it. She stormed out of her class with angry fingers pressing the buttons of his number. Those all because he already sent the text ‘In LA babe, don’t wait x’. But who wants to wait for a week before he came back to NY, gave her a proper talk about his plan, and if he remembered about him having a girlfriend, plan on a date afterwards?

First call, doesn’t get answered. Second call, to voicemail after a few ringing. Third call, straight up to voicemail.

She grumbled beneath her breath, cursing, before trying again. On the last ring, he finally picks up.

“Hello, babe, have you gotten my text?” he asked.

“No, you come home tonight, or I’ll leave,” she said sternly. She doesn’t want to look scary by the people she met in the hallway, but her eyes says otherwise. But she didn’t care much. She cares about the fact that her lover just left her with a short text.

“Hey? What’s wrong with you?” his voice turned from bouncy and happy to a stern confused one.

“You’re the one that needed to be asked that way,” she scolded.

“Darling, I’m not going to be in the joke right now, I have some big stuff to do,” he frowned.

“OH, your girlfriend you just left in New York wasn’t a big stuff? Okay, don’t expect me to wait a week alone in that bloody apartment,” she huffed before hanging up as quick as possible, making sure she did it as he speak up explaining his problem.

He cursed underneath his breath when the call line got cut off. Jeff, reading his face, looked over.

“You okay, Harry?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, just…y/n acting up,” he mumbled.

Jeff didn’t answer, he just nodded before speaking to someone on the other end of his own phone call. While Harry tried his best to not thinking about his upset (and alone) lover back in New York, he just…failed miserably. At the time the clock strikes midnight, he gave up to his feelings and book a ticket back to New York.

He got into the plane at 3 AM, bouncy and a nervous wreck. He was scared of what might y/n does. Breaking up? Almost a bit dramatic, but doesn’t make it zero possibility. Mad at him? She does now. No need to wonder. Leave the house? She probably plan to right now. Driving at midnight and blasting sad songs in her car? Not Harry’s type, but hey, y/n is y/n. She could be doing that at this very moment. Getting drunk in a dive bar with her college friends? She was barely past drinking age, and she doesn’t like alcohol much, but everyone seeks comfort when they fight with their significant others right? Stress eating on McDonald’s drive thru or eating a tub of ice cream, crying over a random TV Show? It’s nothing bad compared to other possibilities, but he doesn’t want to know it was because of him. Because in each possibility, he imagined her crying and mad at the same time.

And when he dropped his bag at their apartment, the first view he saw wasn’t a crying y/n, an empty house, a drunk version of his girl, or a girl crying with an ice cream tub or McDonald’s packaging. Instead, she curled up into a ball in the sofa, must have been fallen asleep at some point at night, blanket messily covering her figures, and the TV playing a random bad TV Show. He went immediately soft by the sight in front of him, but he quickly remembered about his problem.

He didn’t want to wake her up and as bad as he wanted to curl up in the sofa and scooping her in his chest (because he know she won’t even think twice to push away whoever cuddle her without her knowing) so he went to the bathroom and cleaning up himself a little before moving to kitchen and made some coffee.

She woke up 30 minutes later, squinting at the light before fully aware of other people existence in the apartment. Her hazy mind translates it as a stranger, but once he dropped a pan and cursing, she knew it was Harry.

She pushed her feet against the carpet and walked towards the kitchen.

“Oh sorry, sweetheart, did I wake you?” he asked.

“Care to come home, Styles?” she didn’t even bother to say hi or answer his question.

“Love…I’m sorry,” he plead.

“No, no, that’s okay. I’m pretty fine alone here, with no company, and with my non-existence physically boyfriend,” she said sarcastically. “He was busy being a company to everyone until he forgot to be a company for his own girlfriend.”

“I wasn’t…I’m sorry, can’t you forgive me? I texted you, I let you know where I am,” he argued.

“That’s okay if you don’t,” she said before taking out her cup and filled it with water carelessly. “I’ve had enough of you anyway.”

It hits Harry harder than he thought it intended to be, so he grabbed her wrist and forced her to look at him, even with a disgusted expression.

And that night, they ended up cuddling on the couch and watching The Notebook with a huge tub of Haagen-Dazs in the middle of them. Half finished, with two scoops stuck out.

Ever since that day, he knew and promised he didn’t want to hurt her in anyway.

///

“Are you Mr. Harry…?” someone at the other end of his phone called.

“Who are you? What are you doing with her phone?” he asked aggressively. He felt sick since he woke up this morning, all he wanted was her to cuddle up against his chest.

“I’m Doctor Alex, and I’m from Brooklyn Hospital Center, are you Harry, sir?” he asked once more.

“What happened to her?” his heart sinks. He didn’t even confirm his name.

“I need you to calm down, sir,” the doctor finally gave up, assuming by himself who he was talking to was really the Harry in the girl’s emergency contact.

“What happened to my y/n?” he asked, rushing out of his bed, threw the comforter off his body.

“I’m sorry to inform you this, but you are the emergency contact in this phone. The girl, the owner of this phone, has been in an effective car crash. No relatives or friends with her during the accident,” the doctor explained briefly. “She’s in coma.”

Harry didn’t answer. His heart sinks, his soul felt like just left his body, his stomach dropped, he froze in place, he couldn’t believe the news, he didn’t want to. He wanted to wake up. Maybe this is just a bad dream, and when he woke up he still has her safely tucked in his arm, and smiling at him. And she will kiss his stubble as he stirs from sleeping, and they will stay like that for 15 minutes before the band called him and yelling from the other line about ‘discipline’ and ‘you lovebirds should’ve kept a clock to see the time’.

He hung up his phone as quick as he could and threw himself to his car.

He drove through New York City street in full speed. He doesn’t care about the laws he broke, how many tickets he will get once a police officer caught him. His mind got clouded by the doctor’s words. This time, Brooklyn Bridge and Lady Liberty watch him, not aiming for a girl’s love, but to aim a hope she will be his forever, not with a tie of marriage, but…he doesn’t even want to think about it anymore.

He parked his car messily and sprint to the front table.

“I’m Harry. Harry Styles. I’m…the girl in the car crash, I want to see her,” his mind can’t even form a perfect sentence.

“Sorry sir, who are you to her?” she asked.

“I’m her…her…boy-husband!” he almost yelled. The nurse knew he wasn’t even her fiancé, but from the panic in his voice, trembling frame, and a mess he is, she finally let him.

When he met her, she was inside a glass room, he wasn’t even get to be in the same room as her. He just watched her breathing heavily with an oxygen tank, the only thing that kept him believing she is alive is the beeping loud noise of machines stuck on her body. She looks miserable, bruises all over her body, casts on her arm, bandages, she looks so…fragile. He just wanted to scoop her up into a hug and kiss her, tell her she’s going to be okay, they’re going to have babies like they always dreamed of. They will have their first house, they will watch their babies grew up as much as he hated the fact that babies will get older one day, they will be old people in their 70s, but she will be the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in her 20s. But he can’t right now, and he felt helpless.

It has been almost 7 hours since he arrived and he doesn’t even spend a second take his eyes off of his girl. Nothing progresses much, but he knew she has to survive. So they could pursue their dreams together, just like they always talk about. At this point, all he wanted was for her to flicker her eyes open and look at him. And he will do the rest, he will pick her up whenever she wanted, he will kiss her, he will give her all the affection he has, he will give her all the love he has even until his heart bleed, he will hold her so tight so she will be always safe no matter the circumstances. He will do anything for her to just open her pretty eyes and look at him.

“If you aren’t going to eat something, you won’t be able to take care of her, um, later,” one of the nurses tap his shoulder. The crack of her end of sentence made Harry gulp down a lump in his throat. She knew her condition better than him. And he knew it, the crack on her word of ‘later’ doesn’t got missed by him. He nodded, the nurse’s words are true, she needed him to be okay.

So he took his time to go to the bathroom and wash his face, looking at the tiredness in his eyes, and he took some time to grab something from the cafeteria, a weird looking bread, looks like have been behind the glass display for ages, but he couldn’t care less. He shoves the bread to his mouth while running to get to her place.

“Sir, are you Harry?” a doctor rushing to his side. Suddenly he felt so empty. The panic in the doctor’s voice, his pale face, Harry doesn’t want to imagine what had happened to his girl.

“You might want to talk to her, she is going to be rolled to the operation room,” the doctor said.

Suddenly Harry felt weak in his knees. The bread feels like its going to threw itself out. He took masks and some weird gown the nurse handed him, and he rushed to her side. The beeping noises louder now he’s inside the room, but the only sound he could hear right now is her troubled heavy small breathing.

“Hi, darling,” he walked towards her with shaky limbs. “They- they said I could talk to you right now, I have weird feelings about it, but you are going to be fine. I- I will propose and we’ll have cute babies like we always talk about. I won’t leave your side again. We- we’ll have our happy ending.”

He kissed her cold fingers. It’s like the world were just the two of them again. No one around her. No weird beeping noise from the computer. No Harry Styles the popstar or y/n y/l/n the college girl. Suddenly they are just Harry and y/n again. Just both of them. In the room. y/n fighting for her life, and Harry, as helpless as he look like, helping her subconsciously.

“y/n, sweetheart, I don’t know if you could hear it, but I’ll be with you. I’ll be here, I’ll be by your side, you don’t have to be afraid, because your Harry will be here, honey. No matter how deep you fall, how hard the challenges, how hurt I will got, I’ll always be there for you. Your Harry will protect you, if it’s cold or hot, if it’s dark or bright, I’ll be by your side, kiss every single tears and cuts it will cause, and you don’t have to be afraid nor alone anymore. Because your Harry will be there for you. Always.”

And then he rolled out of the room. Out of Harry’s grasp, no matter how hard he tried to keep her close. She had gone to the room where her life will be on the thin border.

And Harry, with tired eyes and shaky breath, ran to the empty room outside the glass room and cried. Cried like he never did before. Cried until his tears dried. He dropped to his trembling knees.

“God, I-I know I barely talk to You. But this time…I beg You, please don’t let her taken away from me. I know she will be in no more pain, but I’m too selfish for it, I can’t live without her. I can’t function properly without her. I know I didn’t treat her the best before, but give me a second chance to take care of her. To smell her scent again, to kiss her hairline, brush her hair, give her all I could give, give her all the comfort she needed, give her all my love until my heart bleed. Just…give me one more chance, and I will treat her better,” his shaky voice somehow formed a proper sentence. His cheek wet with stained tears. His breath hitched. His chest felt heavy. He doesn’t even know who he is, when his girl still in the room. “Let me take one more chance to call her mine,” he let out a hitched scream.

After a long waiting and more tears spilled, when the clock told him it was 9 PM, she rolled out of the operating room. He jolted up. Indistinct chatter makes his head felt dizzy. But his main focus was her on the bed.

“Is she okay? What happened?” he could hear his voice yelling those to the medical workers, but he doesn’t even remember saying that.

“Sir, you need to calm down,” a voice called.

“No, no, I don’t need to calm down. I need to know if she’s okay!” he screamed.

“Sir, you have to,” the voice called again.

“Tell me what happened to her, tell me if she’s okay!” he yelled once more.

“Sir, take a deep breath and you’ll get to meet her,” the sentence made him stopped and slowly turned around. His eyes begging for explanation.

“Tell me how she is,” he whispered brokenly.

“She’s…you might want to see her, she might want you to talk to her,” the lady doesn’t even told him how she’s doing. And he knew it. He has only a few percent chance to have her wrapped back in his arms. And only God will gave him it.

The lady (soon he realized she is a nurse), lead him into a room. Not a glass room like she used to be placed, but a more private room, but it doesn’t make him feel any better because she was limp on the bed.

He walked in with shaking legs. The door closed behind him, and his knees gave up. He dropped to the cold floor of the hospital and cried for God knows how many times he had cried. His voice cracked. “Give me one more chance to love her again.”

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yet-another-fan-girl9 · 4 years ago

Text

Inhuman (1)

Summary: All beings in the universe have a soulmate except for Midgardians. People can hear their soulmate in their heads. For almost five hundred and fifty years, Loki believed that he had no soulmate until 1513 when a Midgardian princess was born. Will fate be kind to them or will the universe tear them apart?

Warnings: violence, language, hella historical inaccuracies (I tried to do research but then got lazy), maybe some AOS season 2 spoilers(?)

Word Count: ~3400

A/N: Yay! The re-write is here! I changed it so now there are flashbacks and stuff and the chapters are longer! I’m also posting this chapter a day early because of reasons. Anyways, enjoy!

[New York, New York, March 2024]

‘Soulmates?’ You had never heard of the concept.

‘We are destined to be together. The universe made it so.’

You shot up in bed, a light sheen of sweat covered your body. Loki’s words replayed over and over in your head. You hadn’t heard his actual voice in so long but it was still as clear as if he was speaking to you now. It had been twelve years since you had seen him in Germany and he had tried to take over.

‘We are destined to be together.’

The words echoed in your mind. ‘Destined’ huh? Well, if you’d learned anything from the past four hundred and eighty-six years that you were not with Loki, it’s that the universe does a shit job at keeping you together. You ran your fingers through your hair, easily smoothing out the tangled mess. It was too early to think about Loki.

You slipped out of the silk sheets that covered your king-sized bed in your two-level, top floor Upper East Side penthouse. You were very proud of how far you had come. The view was amazing. You could see some of Central Park from one side and the stereotypical New York skyline from another.

As you walked out of your room, you caught your reflection in one of your full-sized mirrors. And that was definitely a nice view. When you came out of Terrigenesis almost five hundred years ago, you quickly discovered that you were now the blueprint for a perfect person. Straight, white teeth, surprisingly tameable hair, and clear, unblemished skin were some of the visually obvious changes. In addition to your perfected looks, you had increased senses, healing, strength, endurance, and your favorite, pain tolerance. Oh, and don’t forget you basically look twenty-five forever.

You checked your phone while you made breakfast in the kitchen downstairs. There were a couple of emails from your employees on their latest jobs. You opened one from Max, your right-hand man. You were reading over some job offers he had handpicked for you when you got a text from the man himself.

Bringing up some donuts!

Max was the only person from work to have access to your penthouse. He was your best friend. The two of you had met when you were at Afterlife nearly fifteen years ago. He was an Inhuman as well. All of your employees were Inhumans, using their specialties to carry out their jobs. Max had the power to change surfaces. It was a strange power, but he had learned to make it very useful. He could cause his pursuers to slip on the suddenly ice-like ground or climb up a glass skyscraper.

“Hello, bitch! I brought donuts!” Max called from the elevator.

“I’m in the kitchen!”

Max walked in holding the goods. He always wore eccentric color-coordinated outfits. Even the times you saw him in stealth mode, he had to have some lace or frill somewhere. Today he wore a mixture of neon green and pink with matching eyeliner.

“Are Cosmo and Wanda disguising themselves as your clothes?” you asked.

“Haha,” he deadpanned. “I knew you were going to say something like that. You’re so fucking funny. Soo…” He plopped the three large donut boxes onto your kitchen counter. “Have you heard of the Avenger’s new quote-unquote recruit?”

“Um, I think it’s your job to keep tabs on heroes.” You opened the nearest box and happily pulled out your favorite donut.

“Okay. Number one: I’m not speaking to you as your right-hand, right now, but as your friend.” He held up his finger. “Number two: it’s not really a job if I do it in my free time anyways. You’re paying me to do something that I do on an hourly basis.”

“You stalk the Avengers on an hourly basis?”

“No? Anyways, number three: it’s Thor’s brother. It’s your Loki.”

“What the fuck?” you choke on your donut. Max was the only person who knew you that you and Loki had a history. And that’s all he knew. Nothing about soulmates or all that shit. “What the fuck, Max? Did you try to use donuts to soften the blow? Stop laughing.”

“I-I wish I had caught that reaction on camera,” he said in between fits of giggles.

“Haha,” it was your turn to deadpan. “Fuck, man. I guess we just have to double our efforts to keep ourselves off of their radar.”

“Do you think they’ve forgiven him for New York?” Max composed himself.

“I mean, they must have if they’re letting him join the team.” You chanced another bite of your donut.

“But lots of people haven’t.”

“Lots of people still haven’t forgiven Barnes,” you pointed out. You didn’t know when or why Loki had attacked New York. That Loki was nothing like the man who you had grown to love back in the 1500s. But you were nothing like that girl either.

“Have you chosen a new job from the list I sent you?” he changed the subject.

“No, not yet, and you have a little…” you motioned to the corner of your mouth.

Max got the hint and wiped some powder off of his mouth. You noticed the sprinkling of grey that was mixed into his curly black hair. He displayed the last fifteen years proudly while you remained unchanged. Max was the closest you’ve been to someone in a long time, and just like everyone before him, you would outlive him. But you would remember him. You remembered everyone. You remembered everything.

Right now, you thought of Agnes, your first real friend. She was your handmaiden and you had met right before everything went to shit. She had helped you cope after you underwent Terrigenesis, although you hadn’t known what it was back then. She had helped you run away and even died for you. You had only known her for nine years, but you compared everyone to her. Max held second place, right after Agnes.

“I think we should take the Senator’s offer,” Max said, jolting you out of your memories. He pulled up the offer on his iPad. “One million to off his upcoming competition.”

“Damn,” you whistled. “He’s desperate, isn’t he? Is there a deadline?”

“No, but I assume we should get it done quickly.”

“Send over the info.”

🌹

You shoved the flower into Jake Morano’s mouth. Blood from the bullet wound in his forehead trickled down until it turned the perfect, white rose red. You snapped a quick photo on your burner phone to send to the Senator as confirmation. With a huff, you looked around the apartment. Mr. Anderson had put up a fight, although it didn’t do anything to deter you and Max. A few glass awards were in pieces on the hardwood floor, family pictures were shattered, and the wall behind you held a couple of bullets from Anderson’s gun.

“All good?” Max asked from his location by the computer. He was deleting all footage of you being there. And everything else, just to be safe.

“Yep.” You walked over to him, your boots making a satisfying clicking on the ground, and proudly displayed the picture of the dead body. “Got the confirmation picture for the Senator. How’s it coming?”

“Almost… there. We’re good to go.”

The two of you left in your favorite black Lamborghini. Unfortunately, you actually had to drive places now that Gordon was dead. You followed his advice, though, and bought a plane along with four other sports cars, a helicopter, and a couple of motorcycles. You knew how to operate every single one of them. What else were you supposed to do except for establishing your contract killing empire?

🌹

Loki stood in the middle of his assigned room with his hands on his hips. It certainly was much nicer than the last prison the Avengers had kept him in. They may say it wasn’t a prison but the twenty-four-hour surveillance from Stark’s new AI said otherwise. Even though it was nicer than the shitty glass cylinder from twelve years ago, it was empty. Thor had shown Loki the few things in his room: books, photographs, and his own goddamned merchandise.

Would Loki have his own merchandise one day? Everyone was redeemable as shown by Romanoff and Barnes. Maybe there would be plastic replicas of his helmet? No, Loki thought that was stupid. Only heroes got merchandise and heroes had to show up to events and sponsor health drinks or whatever the fuck they do. Heroes had to be nice.

Nothing good ever came from being on Midgard. Most recently, there was his father dying, although what followed was worse. Before that was the attack he had been forced to make on the city. And the first time he had ever come to Midgard had ended with disappointment and heartbreak.

Loki sighed and waved his hand to conjure green and gold accents, sheets, and blankets. At least there was color in the room now. No doubt the AI had reported that he had used his magic. He hoped it had also told them that all he did was improve the room, he didn’t need anyone talking to him at the moment.

“Good afternoon, Reindeer Games,” the AI echoed through the room. Loki glowered at the sound of Stark’s nickname. “There is a meeting in Conference Room Five that the entire team is required to attend.”

Loki hadn’t the faintest fucking idea where the conference rooms were. He left his room and caught sight of his brother and the Valkyrie. The God of Mischief followed the pair down to where the meeting was taking place. Did he really want to go? If he wanted to be part of the team he would have to. He preferred the Revengers, though. While it had lasted. It was smaller.

Everyone was sitting around the long table. Of course, Loki would be the last to arrive. Stark and Barton both glared at him when he entered. Understandable. Romanoff remained impassive, but Loki knew she would bash his head in the first chance she got. Rogers had to remain positive that Loki could be redeemed because if the Norse God could redeem himself, then so could Barnes. Bruce had warmed up to Loki on the journey to Midgard. None of the newer members of the team outright hated him, but they were still cautious around him.

Loki found himself sitting in between his brother and Bruce. Stark went up to the screen at the front and everyone fell silent.

“This is Jake Morano.” The screen turned on to show a dead man with a rose stuffed in his mouth. “He was going to run for Senator against this guy.” The screen changed. “This guy is William Anderson, a very corrupt Senator. In the last month, Morano began to gain a lot of support including a sponsor from us. Well, a sponsor from me in the name of the Avengers.”

“Are you implying that Anderson killed Morano?” Rogers asked.

“I’m saying that Anderson hired someone to kill Morano.” The screen changed again to display multiple bodies left with a rose in their mouths. “I had F.R.I.D.A.Y. do a quick search of bodies with roses found in their mouths and we found a shocking amount of similar deaths. The first ones dating back to the nineteen twenties. More recently, some of the deaths have happened at the same time on opposite sides of the globe. Deaths include, but are not limited to, shooting, stabbing, poisoning, drowning, burning, missing organs, being found stuck in a wall, and looking like a suicide. They all have a white rose soaked in blood in their mouths.”

“Are you sure it isn’t a serial killer?” Wilson questioned.

“Yeah, it’s probably not the same guy,” Romanoff pointed out. “Especially if it goes back to before Steve looked like that.”

“It’s gotta be an organization,” Barnes guessed. “Been around for a while, a couple of deaths happening at the same time, and one constant MO.”

“Loki?” Everyone looked at the God of Mischief when Stark said his name. “You’re technically a part of this team now. What’s your opinion?”

“Barnes is probably right,” Loki said after a moment’s hesitation. “The locations are all over the place and there are many different ways the victims met their demise.”

They nodded and Loki returned to silence.

“Alright, game plan.” Stark clapped his hands. “We have to get Anderson into an interrogation room. Round one is the good cops: Steve and Sam. When he doesn’t crack, and he won’t, we up the intensity. Nat and the Manchurian Candidate will do some intimidation. If he still doesn’t crack we can send in Wanda, or even Reindeer Games if she’s not comfortable, to search his mind.”

“Are all Midgardian politics like that?” Loki heard the Valkyrie ask Thor after the meeting. Thor only shrugged so she turned to Bruce.

“I mean, I haven't been here in a while but it’s always kinda been fucked up.”

Only an hour after the meeting, Anderson took out one million dollars in cash. Stark tracked him to a small cafe where he was going to, no doubt, pay the assassin. The team rallied, but of course, Loki wasn’t going. Apparently, he wasn’t ‘cleared’ yet. The only other people staying behind were the Valkyrie, Thor, and Barton due to a recent injury.

Loki went to his room to sulk, although he told everyone he was thinking. He didn’t want to be here. Maybe he wanted to go somewhere that reminded him of home with tall buildings that reached the sky…

🌹

"Hello, (Y/N)." Loki’s voice was as smooth as it was in your head, but it was different. The only way you could describe it was that it was solid. It felt less intimate. Like he could bless others with his words, but it was more special because he was here.

"Loki," you breathed.

"You look more beautiful than I ever could imagine." He stepped closer.

You touched your hair self-consciously. There were multiple knots, and it probably looked like one of those bird nests the dogs always knocked out of trees. You had woken up in a hurry and your hair being trapped in the hood of your cloak probably didn't help.

Then it occurred to you that you were wearing only your nightgown, and you tightly wrapped your cloak around yourself. Loki wouldn’t hurt you, but no man has seen you in an outfit so revealing. Still, you took another step closer.

"I do not know what to say." Fortunately, your voice didn’t shake or waver as you had feared, but Loki could probably feel your nervousness.

You both took a final step closer. You reached up and cupped Loki's face in your hand which tingled slightly when you made contact. You admired his sharp features and bright blue-green eyes. Then you shivered in the cold winter air. Loki noticed and pulled you into a hug. You leaned into him and felt a shiver, a different, better shiver, shoot through your body.

“You’re real.” Your soft voice was almost lost in the biting wind. “I was so scared that I was dreaming.”

Another goddamned dream about Loki? You groaned into your pillow and pushed a few damp strands of hair away from your face. Why now, all of a sudden? Was it because he was so close? Just a few hours upstate in the Avenger’s compound.

Pushing the dream aside, you stretched and got ready for the day. You had sent the photo to the Senator, who you had learned was very fucking corrupted, and he replied with a location. That changed your plans a bit, you hadn't physically met a client in decades, but it was for the better for multiple reasons.

The first reason was that the cafe he had chosen was next to a flower shop where you got your supply of roses. The second reason was that it meant his apartment would be empty. While you went to get the money, and eventually kill Senator Anderson, Max was going to rob his house. It wasn’t something you’d usually do, but honestly, the shitty asshole deserved it.

Your lips were painted red and you wore your usual boots and a leather jacket. Your regular hair was hidden behind a pink and green wig, courtesy of Max. A baseball cap and large sunglasses further hid your appearance. Though if somebody knew your face, the hat and glasses did nothing. There were multiple knives hidden on your body as well as a handgun tucked into your waistband and a pocket pistol in your, well, pocket.

As you walked into the cafe, Izzy, the auburn-haired florist, nodded to you. She had Botanokinesis, plant manipulation, so your supply of white roses was never low. Every once in a while, Izzy would take a job but she had told you she was very happy in her shop.

You noticed the Senator immediately. He still wore a suit and the sunglasses did nothing to hide his identity. There were two young women behind the counter and you suspected that the four other ‘customers’ were too buff not to be the Senator’s security. Anderson had his back to the door which meant you would have to get past his security to get out. You zeroed in on the black briefcase on the ground by his feet.

“Senator,” you greeted and sat down across from him.

“You can’t possibly be the one I talked to,” the asshole replied. “You’re just a girl.”

“Well of course I couldn’t be,” you rolled your eyes behind your heavily tinted glasses. “My boss is too busy and smart to meet you in public.” He didn’t notice your sarcasm. You pulled out the burner phone and showed him the messages as proof. “Now, I’m also busy so if we can get this over with?”

“Sure, darling.” He put the briefcase flat on the table and pushed it towards you.

“Open it.” Even though small boobie traps wouldn’t hurt you much, it wasn’t a piece of information you wanted to give him.

Anderson sighed and complied. Then you turned it around to quickly inspect the contents. One thousand one hundred dollar bills. Hello Mr. Franklin. You nodded in satisfaction and comically rubbed your hands together to inconspicuously grab a knife that was hidden up your sleeve.

“Thank you, Senator. That will be all.”

You closed the case, stood up, and plunged your knife deep into his left carotid artery. As his security descended upon you, you pulled the knife out and his neck satisfyingly squirted blood. The Senator collapsed with his hands clutching his wound desperately. The pool of blood rapidly grew underneath him.

The two baristas screamed behind the counter and the Senator’s security drew their guns. You flipped the small table for cover as bullets pierced the cafe’s window behind you. Perfect. Just a bit more.

You pulled out the handgun from your waistband and with practiced ease, shot three of the four goons. The last one got the bloodied knife to the face. You elbowed the already damaged window and it finally broke, raining glass down on you. Ignoring the small cuts, you jumped out of the cafe through the window as a familiar red and gold suit landed in front of you. Why the fuck were the Avengers here? What about Loki?

You darted into Izzy’s shop and she played her part well, screaming that you had run out the back when you had actually gone into the side room. You listened as the Avengers followed her directions. One person, maybe it was the Black Widow, stayed behind to help calm down the seemingly hysterical Izzy. If she wasn’t so happy at her shop and she didn’t want to work directly for you, she could be a great actress.

You rolled back the rug on the ground to reveal a metal trapdoor. You entered the code to unlock it and climbed down into the darkness. Behind you, you heard the trapdoor’s magnetic lock click back into place. Two centuries ago, you had tunnels dug underneath Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens for easy getaways. If you went… that way, you would end up in Sandra’s souvenir shop which was a couple of blocks away from your penthouse.

With a million dollars in one hand and a handgun in the other, you walked down the concrete tunnel.

Taglist:

@kaithehero @liliannyah @andreasworlsboring101 @oatballsoffury @aberrant-annie

#inhuman #loki x reader #loki x soulmate reader #loki #mcu #marvel #avengers #Captain america #steve rogers #iron man #tony stark #hawkeye #clint barton #natasha romanoff #black widow #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch

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a-cai-jpg · 4 years ago

Text

this is the most honest i know how to be.

as we walk down the streets of boston at 5:30 am, the air is cool and sweet.

i breathe in, and i'm in indiana, at camp, dragging myself from my cabin to the main lodge and trying to hide my weariness from my campers. their laughter filters through the cotton grogginess of my mind. i lean towards it as we eat. on the train, the trees rush past my window. we didn't even notice when the train started moving, but then suddenly we were out of boston.

the last time i took ground transport to somewhere else, it was october, maybe. i was with hannah then, and we talked about traveling. it was 5 hours of conversation, and from that day, i knew i had to keep her. you were on my mind then too.

the early morning sunlight shifts through the trees. i'm reminded of rural england, 16 years old, something wild rearing its head in my chest, a shadow of which i still feel if i try hard to look for it. i'm writing a postcard to a friend. "the forest looks like a place for fae," i write. i received a letter from him last year and spent too long thinking of a reply.

so here it is--we are at the end. i was cooking at casi's stove yesterday night, and i said, "why can't we just rewind to orientation?" and the fear comes out as a whine. we are walking across a bridge towards brown university today, and i think about why humans are afraid of death.

"people are afraid of the unknown," i say as we wait for our starbucks drinks. "i think that's why we are scared of death."

i'm responding to her fear of unnaturally large things. i don't think this is what she meant.

but i'm thinking about how and why we are on this earth. to what do we become once we die? are we afraid of the unknown, or are we afraid to become no more? how many of us are remembered when we pass, how many of us are worth being remembered? for what do we live?

i think the questions in my head, but i don't speak them aloud. we walk past a canopied path that she says reminds her of haikyuu.

i am both weary and restless. i want to crawl out of my skin and take a nap somewhere for a few decades, but instead i'm trapped on a 6 hour flight back home. i'm scared of going home.

the plane is warm, i can't breathe, and i wait for my earbuds to charge so i can continue watching television. i think my thoughts in coherent sentences so they do not wander, and so here i am, writing this on my phone. i glance up at the map sometimes, and chuckle inwardly as i realize i can't actually recognize the states without labels. which one is arizona and which one is new mexico? it's a 4 hour drive to arizona so it must be closer to california, i think to myself. or did i make that up?

i think traveling will help, but i wander different cities and mountains and cliffs and lakes, and i want to go back home.

but it's weird, because home is a feeling. god i've written about this before, but home is a feeling. a route that i walk without thinking, feet moving to the beat of my music. shrieks of laughter as we watch television. the calm silence as we eat dinner. i can count back the hours and days to which i last felt at home.

when did you last feel like yourself? daniel asks.

sometime today, i think. not when we were driving up the north shore. probably the arboretum. it's familiar, and i am grounded. i was actually thinking about this today, i joke. i don't know when it was, but i thought, wow the crystal really worked.

but god, the last time i felt at home.

i ask daniel to put my cot in his room because i'm scared to sleep alone. i sit in casi's living room for as long as possible, and play with the idea of asking whether i can sleep over. she offers, but i decline, because how long can i push it off? for the first time, i'm annoyed that my basically-stepfather lives with us now, because i can no longer crawl into my mother's bed. i haven't done that in years.

ten, twenty, thirty minutes pass, and i allow myself two teardrops and tell daniel my most irrational fear. what the fuck? he says in reply. i know it's irrational, but if it happens, i'm going to be so fucking pissed. yeah, it's irrational. it's easier now that someone else holds it with me, even if he thinks i'm crazy for even having the thought.

a few years back, i wrote a piece about not finding your home in people. people change, your home crumbles. i wrote this after meeting an old friend in ginza. i got a new haircut that day, and he dyed his hair brown. i never found a home in him, but i did in others that we once shared. i thought about change and college and what comes next, and as i looked at him in wonder, i was nostalgic and wistful and hopeful.

i tell my therapist that i identify myself in relation to people. when they are gone, i am lost, or i spend too long looking for myself again, and when i find the self, i'm not sure i like her. she doesn't understand, because i smile and joke and talk about the theory of the reflexive self, but i'm so fucking scared.

i don't know, i muse. see, i think the problem is this. i'd created an expectation for who i wanted to become. but i don't think i became her, so now i've disappointed myself.

i'm watching a korean drama right now, but i keep thinking about a japanese movie i watched with my aunt in china. it's called hanamizuki, and i'm not too sure what about it stuck with me. 花水木. maybe the poignancy of loss? of the happy ending not working out?

i've written stories in my head all my life, and i'd tried to write a script for my own life. i would joke i'm the tragic greek hero, trying and failing to defy the gods, but if there is a god out there, he'd probably just smile sadly at me.

i'm not unhappy. i'm happy.

i keep asking the people around me this question, and everyone says, "i'm not unhappy, but i'm not happy."

i can definitively say i'm happy. i've had so much fun this past month, i don't know if i deserve it. it's just sometimes, i want more. life is an exercise in being content with what you have, but i'm still learning the steps towards that.

i don't expect all the days to be good. one day, i know i will be definitively unhappy. but i also (do i dare?) don't expect all the days to be bad. one day, i know i will be definitively happy again.

but at the same time, i don't know how to respond when people ask, "how are you? what's new? tell me what happened."

i realized i'm terrible at lying, because i want people to see me for my full self, but at the same time, i'm terrified of that.

jason pulls up a picture on my instagram and says, this doesn't look like you. i'm almost offended and laugh, until he says, you look too happy here. did i not look happy in the pictures you took of me today? i ask. no, you did. but you look genuinely happy here. i've never seen you look like that before.

i don't know how to respond, so i just shrug and say, it was a good day.

it was after an exam and the weather was warm. i could wear a dress and a light jacket. i really like that dress. i remember something about a watch. my ankle ached because of where i'd rolled it a few years back, but yeah, i guess i was happy.

people ask, how are you? i'm okay, i say after a pause, not reflexively. my professor says he's sure i am well, and i smile.

i'm okay. i began the year okay, and am ending the year okay. i'm happy, and life is good even if it's not ideal. i'm going to hawaii and going ziplining even though i my own lungs suffocate me when i'm high up. look, it will all be okay. the world loses its color, but gains some back.

the world does not end.

i'm sure i will go to bed melancholic. i will watch television until my eyelids grow heavy, and i'll reach over to lock my ipad and pray that i will fall asleep. i might wake up melancholic, probably from a dream that will seem childish in a few months time. but i have to wake early tomorrow, and have things to do and people to meet, so i will be okay.

non-daily song rec: 郭頂 - 水星记

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

“I’ve got my fuzzy socks on and I’m ready for summer”

You arrive in New York at 10 AM. What's the first thing you do? Find a nice, cute cafe to get a coffee and pastry from and chill at for a bit while sorting out my plans for the day. You go by your locker & your bf/gf is cheating on you. What comes to mind? I’m not in school anymore, but hypothetically I’m sure I would feel a lot of emotions--angry, hurt, upset, confused... like wtf?? And damn, right in front of everyone, too? That would be humiliating.

You have to take out the trash & clean your room. Your reaction? I’m 31 years old, you gotta do that kinda stuff when you’re adult. I don’t personally take out the trash because it would be really difficult for me to do in a wheelchair, but I have other stuff I have to do. I don’t particularly enjoy it, it just is what it is.

How many siblings do you have? I have two brothers.

Have you ever made fun of a homeless/ mentally challenged person? No. What a shitty thing to.

Make up a funny word with your first name in it. I don’t know.

Do you like campfires? Yes. I love the smell, it makes me think of fall. And just the coziness of it.

What's your favorite color to write with? Black.

Do you write poetry? No.

When's your 20th birthday? [Day & Month is fine. Year if you want.] I turned 20 back in July 2009.

Do you spit in public? Ew, no. I don’t spit at all except for when rinsing my mouth after brushing my teeth. It makes me gag seeing people spit. I also have to watch out for that when wheeling around outside because I would DIE if it got on my wheels and then me. akjkslfjldsfjkldsfjkl. I’m going to throw up just thinking about it.

Are you in high school/middle school/college? I’m done with school.

How many push ups can you do? Zero.

How would you react if your cat/dog died? I’ve been through that twice before with my doggos, it’s absolutely heartbreaking and devastating. My dogs are my family. It’s no different than losing any loved one; they’re a loved one, too. I had a really hard time when my dog, Brandie, passed. It was so sudden and unexpected.

Are you trustworthy? Yes.

“when I make it shine...”

Do you play video games often? I’ve been playing Animal Crossing just about everyday since earlier this year. Prior to that, I’ve played a few other games in their entirety since having my Nintendo Switch that I got over a year ago.

Do you like life, love, funny or boy quotes the best? I like # relatable quotes.

Have you ever been cheated on? No.

Have you ever had fruit pizza? No.

Would you like to learn karate? No.

Do you think it would have been cool to live in the 80s? Maybe.

Do you think we'll have robots in the future? They’re already a thing, they’re just not like easily, readily available to everyone like a Rosie from The Jetsons or something.

Was the sun out today? Not yet cause it’s 5:54AM and it’s still pitch black, but it will be.

Do you know what 143 stands for? “I love you.”

Does it get up to 100 degrees where you live? Ugh, yes. And higher. D:

When you play video games, do you like the sound on or off? I generally have it low or off.

When's the last time you saw fireworks? Fourth of July.

Do you like Dr. Pepper? Yeah.

Will you be seeing the new Transformer movie? I never saw any of them. Not my thing.

What made this week, one to never forget? Election 2020 will be talked about forever. This year in its entirety will be, but this election was a huge one.

“Tell me why you’re leaving me”

Did you wear shorts today? I don’t wear shorts.

Do you own a fur hat? No.

Do you still use the old time mail? I still receive mail, yes. I pretty much never send anything, though.

Have you ever played flag football? Yeah.

What color is your laptop? It’s silver.

Do you like Paris Hilton? I don’t have anything against her.

Did you smile at all today? Not so far, but it’s only 6AM.

Do you have an Xbox? My brother does and I’ve used it.

When you were little did you have a magic 8 ball? Yeah.

Have you ever ate grass or birdseed? Eww, no. I wasn’t the kid that stuck everything in their mouth or ate weird stuff.

Do you and your friends have secret codes? I don’t have any friends.

Have you ever seen the Lincoln Memorial? Not in person.

What's your profile picture on Facebook of? Me with my It/Pennywise mask on. It’s his mouth.

Do you own a yo-yo? No.

What celebrity is your fashion icon? I don’t have a fashion icon.

“How do you love someone without getting hurt?”

Do you hope you live to be the age 70 or older? I don’t want to think about dying.

Did you go to preschool? Yep.

Do you usually wear your hair up when it's hot out? Yeah. I wear my hair up all the time cause I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything else with it.

Where were you when 9/11 happened? I was bedridden at home because I had spinal surgery a couple weeks prior.

Which would you rather play: guitar or drums? Guitar.

Have you ever gotten detention? No.

When you were little, did you used to watch Franklin? Yeah. Aww, he’s adorable.

What's the most exciting thing that's happened during your lifetime? 9/11 and this pandemic are definitely the most memorable, but I wouldn’t use the term “exciting” to describe them. A few of our blizzards, perhaps. <<< Yeah, definitely not exciting, but certainly major, life changing, go-down-in-history events.

How high can you count in a foreign language? I could go on and on in Spanish like I could English, but let’s be real I’d stop at 100 haha.

What's the best thing to do on a hot day? Stay indoors with the AC or go to the beach.

Would you like to go to Rome? Sure.

Do you use Febreeze? Sometimes. I prefer my Bath & Body Works room sprays, though.

Have you ever been to a rainforest? No.

How many days of school are left for you? I’m done with school.

How do you usually get tan? That only happens when I go to the beach. Sadly, I didn’t get to go this year.

“Last name ever, first name greatest”

Snickers or Twix? I like both.

Have you ever tried to sleep on an airplane? I tried, but couldn’t.

When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Yes. Those are classics.

Are you more afraid of snakes or death? Both are scary to me, but death is just a little more serious...

Would you like to go to Australia? Sure.

Do you like Drake? Yeah, I like a lot of his songs.

What color are your headphones? Black.

Do you live in the past? Yes. :/

When it's spring, do you plant flowers? No. I don’t do any gardening.

Have you ever laughed for 10 minutes? I don’t think I ever have for that long.

Do you help your friends every time they need help? I tried to as much as I could.

Ever seen a Koala Bear up close? No.

Would you rather be blind or deaf? I’d obviously rather not be either one...

Once your done, are you done for good? Really depends on what I’m attempting to be done with.

Does it annoy you when girls wear a lot of make up? No? I don’t why I would care.

“Blow the world a kiss”

Do you live by a river? No.

Do you like being outside when it's storming? I like enjoying it from inside.

Ever thought about becoming a cop? No. A cop in a wheelchair... that’d be interesting.

Have you ever tried sushi? Ew, it’s disgusting.

When you were little, did you use to roll down hills? No.

Do you like store bought cakes or homemade ones better? I’d enjoy either one.

Do you think your a good kisser? No. Now I’m really out of practice.

Do you like long or short sleeves better? I like my sleeves to be like halfway from my elbow if that makes sense. Not a quarter sleeve, but a bit above that. Unless it’s cold, then I like long sleeves. I love when the sleeves are long enough to be able to pull down over my hands, but it’s hard to get the perfect fit when you have long arms like I do.

Do you like the name Jacob for a boy? Sure.

Could you live without electricity? Like, for how long? It would be a struggle, no denying that. I’ve never experienced going more than a few hours without it. I know people have to experience long periods without it sometimes or not have it at all, so I’m definitely fortunate.

Have you ever ate/drank something that was blue? Blue Gatorade, Pepsi Blue, the blue Mountain Dew, Kool-Aid, blue candies and cakes.

When is your last day of summer this year? I’m not in school, so no summer break anymore. However, summer is over and it has just recently started to feel like fall, so I’m quite happy about that.

Would you rather hang out with people who are loud or quiet? Quiet.

Have you ever had a pet turtle? No.

Do you want an iPad? Nah.

“You look like you want to party”

Are you double jointed? My thumbs are.

Have you ever done karaoke? Definitely not publicly, but at home.

What's your middle name? I’m not sharing that.

Do you wish on stars? No. I did when I was a kid.

Do you recycle? We recycle plastic bottles and cans.

Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

What's something you'll do when your older, but not now? I don’t know. Are you currently drinking anything? I’m finishing a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

What color is your shirt? Black.

Have you ever played laser tag? Nope.

Does your best friend live within 5 minutes from you? My mom and I live together.

If you got dared to dye your hair purple, would you? No. I dye my hair red and I want to keep it that way. It would be a big, annoying process to do another color and then to go back if I wanted, so nah.

How many contacts do you have in your cell phone? Not many.

Do you own earmuffs? No. It doesn’t get cold enough for them here.

Nothing worse than being sunburnt, don’t you agree? I’ve experienced much worse, but they are awful.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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sockparade · 5 years ago

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tips for surviving the pandemic: things i learned from my immigrant parents

It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a little over a week since the WHO announced that the coronavirus (COVID-19) was officially a pandemic. This has been a long, challenging week for a lot of people and it is nothing short of terrifying to read reports of what is happening in Asia and Europe as many predict that we’ll likely endure a similar fate here in the United States. In the midst of all of this chaos and uncertainty, I’ve been reminded of so many lessons that my Taiwanese immigrant parents taught me. I’m sharing them here so that others might also benefit. Thanks Ma. Thanks Daddy.

你昨天已經出去了.

“You already went out yesterday.“

1. Learn how to stay home. Our family is eight days into self-isolating at home and Tony asked me this morning if I had cabin fever. And strangely, the answer is no. I’m not. Not to downplay the difficulty of this moment but my experience with this “shelter-in-place” ordinance reminds of pretty much all my summers between kindergarten and 8th grade. Both of my parents worked full-time so summer was just three blissful months of nothing. No structure, no plans, no camps, no playdates, and no responsibilities. My parents never made me feel like I was missing a thing by staying home and I don’t remember ever feeling bored. There were always library books to read, stories to write, and thoughts to journal. Hours were spent playing school with my big sister (now a first grade teacher!), making up random games like who can avoid touching the carpet longest, learning Kim Zmeskal’s latest gymnastics floor routine, writing lyrics to Kenny G saxophone solos, and rehearsing for our variety show that we would perform to our tired parents at the end of the day. And that’s not even including the hours we spent watching The Price is Right, CHIPS, Knight Rider, and Airwolf (yep, no cable).

As a teenager I carefully plotted all my hangouts with friends so that I didn’t have too many consecutive days when I was out of the house. Whenever I asked my parents if I could hang out with friends, they would always say, “But you already went out yesterday. What’s wrong with staying home? Why do you always have to go out?” It was as if having too much fun two days in a row was off limits. If there was a big party on Friday, I would purposely make sure I stayed home Wednesday and Thursday just to increase the chances of being able to go out on Friday. I know a lot of people talk about how awful their high school years were but I was one of those lucky kids who had a really great group of friends that made me feel seen, loved, and cared for. The downside was that I couldn’t get enough of it. I was always thinking about the next hangout, the next event, the next thing. It took me all the way until my late twenties to fully appreciate the fine art of staying home and to finish my unexpected transformation into the expert homebody that I am today.

I’m reminded of that old quote by Blaise Pascal, “All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

It’s great to be out and about, but it’s also really important to learn how to stay home.

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晚上要吃什麼？清冰箱.

“What are we eating for dinner?” “Cleaning the fridge.”

2. Be creative with what you have. I love food. Not in a foodie sense, but I get a lot of pleasure out of eating. I’m not a food snob by any stretch of the imagination. I thoroughly enjoy a Stouffer’s frozen lasagna or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as much as I enjoy a fancy, inventive, Michelin-starred meal at Commis. What’s hard for me is when food is eaten as sustenance rather than with delight. But my parents taught me that you can always take pride in preparing a meal. No matter your ingredients.

My mom is an excellent cook. I know a lot of people think their mom is a good cook but my mom is legitimately skilled in the kitchen. There were some nights when I’d ask what was for dinner and my mom would just reply, “Cleaning the fridge.”

Now for some, this might sound terrifying. But my mom could honestly make something out of nothing. I still crave my dad’s simple egg and garlic fried rice. My parents raised me to be able to make an tasty meal just from rummaging in the pantry and fridge for random leftover things. There were plenty of summers where lunches and snacks were an individual culinary adventure for each of us kids. I still remember the day I witnessed my baby sister add a Kraft single on top of her onion ramen noodles. She saw my confusion, shrugged and said, “You should try it, it’s good.”

With all the hoarding folks have been doing during this pandemic, I’ve found myself feeling quite anxious. Trying to calculate if we have enough food. Estimating how many more meals we can eat at home before we need to make another grocery run. As someone who struggles with a scarcity mentality it has been hard not to panic. But then I keep reminding myself that I know how to make good food using just whatever’s available.

You know, I was pretty disappointed with Mary H.K. Choi’s second novel, Permanent Record, given how much I enjoyed her debut novel, Emergency Contact. But I was absolutely thrilled with the shine she gave to what her protagonist calls “Hot Snacks”.

Here’s an excerpt from Permanent Record that is a beautiful ode to creative food mashups and immigrant kids everywhere:

“I edit and post a Shin Ramyun Black video set to music. My favorite instant noodles with three flavor packets and so much garlic. It’s a classic Korean HotSnack, especially when you throw in cut-up hot dogs, frozen dumplings, extra kimchi - and this is where the artistry comes in- eggs, cheese, corn from a can, and a drizzle of sesame oil on top. And furikake if you’re feeling wealthy. The next night I put up a bacon, egg, and cheese not in a bagel but in a glazed honey bun. Laced with sriracha and pan fried on the outside. Then it’s chilaquiles with Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos and chorizo. Jamaican beef patty casserole disrespected with a smothering of Japanese curry and broiled. With Crystal Hot Sauce over the top and pickled banana peppers. I’m trolling with that one but the controversy is berserk. When I run out of old videos, I make saag paneer naanchos with Trader Joe’s frozen Indian food, and it’s a hit. Especially when I add yogurt and a thick layer of crushed-up Takis on top.”

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看連續劇.

“Watch soap operas.”

3. Find a way to escape. I’m generally pro technology but I’ll admit I’m a little bummed at the way iPhones and iPads have made TV viewing such an individual activity. I like how Disney+ has gotten some families back to watching TV together again. Although I will say, we really coddle our kids these days. I grew up in a time when movie ratings only applied in the theaters and we watched movies with our families like Alien, The Fly, and Gremlins. We were scared out of our minds and sometimes could only watch through the cracks between our fingers covering our eyes because it was so scary. Okay, this also might be why I can’t watch horror movies as an adult.

From a young age, my parents taught me that watching other people’s drama unfold on screen is one of the best way to escape your own drama. Some people say binge watching became a thing when the TV networks started releasing shows on DVD. Others give credit to Netflix releasing their original content a whole season at a time. But truth be told, I first learned how to binge watch from my parents.

We would rent 30-40 VHS cassette tapes from that random spot in Bellaire Chinatown. Can you picture it? You needed multiple plastic bags to transport that many VHS tapes.

Do you remember the one about the dying mother who needed to find homes for each of her 7 children? I don’t think it’s normal for a 10 year old to cry so much but you better believe it’s made me learn the true value of a soap opera escape hatch.

Are you in a pandemic? Now’s the perfect time to pick up that YA novel, binge that reality show, start that kdrama, or rewatch all six seasons of The Sopranos again.

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下個禮拜會下雨.

“It’s going to rain next week.”

4. Be informed about what’s ahead. If you ask either of my parents about the weather at any given time they can reliably tell you the daily percent chance of precipitation and humidity for at least seven days out. They’ve always been this way. They would inform me of the weather at various points throughout the week. They planned their yard work and car washes around the weather forecast. There’s something about the way the weather forecast is available to everyone. And it feels like it’s just a matter of making the small extra effort to access it and gain a slight advantage. I feel like so much of the immigrant mentality is to be diligent in making the right choices to not screw yourself over and seizing opportunities whenever you can. And it wasn’t just weather but this is such an obvious example of it.

I remember my dad saying to me once, "Can you imagine if someone decided to read every book in their local library? If they just went shelf by shelf and systematically read all the books? You could do it, you know. It’s free, it doesn’t cost any money to check out a book from the library. But no one really does it.”

I think immigrant parents get a bad reputation for forwarding chain letters and health/science hoaxes they get on email, WeChat and Line. And in a pandemic, yes, they are definitely susceptible to misinformation, rumors and flat out untruths. But the thought behind it seems right.

The mistrust of government leadership is actually quite relevant right now in this pandemic. Many immigrants left countries with governments that were overtly corrupt, oppressive, and used propaganda to influence its citizens. And while many Americans still take pride in living in a country that verbally champions freedom and democracy, the truth is that our government has already failed us and lied to us in many ways. During this pandemic, we cannot wait on leaders to tell us what to do. We must be diligent in reading for ourselves, seeking experts, using our critical thinking skills, and making preparations accordingly.

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會不會冷?

“Are you cold?”

5. Check in with yourself. Check in with others. I have so many memories of my parents walking through the living room and asking me and my sisters if we were cold. It felt like they couldn’t walk past the thermostat without asking us if they needed to raise it or lower it. As if they couldn’t hear us sneeze and wonder if they needed to turn off the ceiling fan. They couldn’t see us sitting in a dim room without turning on a light for us. There are so many times I fell asleep reading on the couch and woke up with a blanket over me. Or sometimes I was fully awake doing something random, like playing Egyptian Rat Screw with my sisters (a cardgame for the uninitiated), and my mom would walk by and wordlessly drop a warm, heavy blanket over my shoulders. That’s care, y’all. Consistent, immediate action, and often without words.

The tip here is to pay attention to your discomfort during a pandemic. There’s this immigrant stereotype of stoicism and that’s true to some degree but maybe the resilience is made possible not because of unnatural toughness but largely because immigrant parents can also be so incredibly perceptive and tender in some very tangible ways.

When everything is chaotic around you and you’re busy multitasking these next few months, don’t ignore your needs. Notice how you’re feeling. Physically and emotionally. Where are you carrying your stress and tension in your body? You don’t have to tough it out. Oh and remember to check in with your people on how they’re feeling. Is there a light switch you can turn on for someone?

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笑死人.

“Laugh to death.”

6. Laugh to survive. Look, we didn’t have the perfect family or anything like that. We’ve definitely had our share of difficult times, financial stress, health issues, arguments, and pain. But my parents also really knew how to laugh and taught us to laugh with abandon. Like, bent over, tears running out of your eyes, can’t breathe kind of laughing. Our dinner table was kind of like a writer’s room. It was difficult to tell a mediocre story. You had better come prepared with a punchline or a point. It was a tough crowd, every night. On many occasions I stopped myself halfway through a story upon the self-realization that there was no real way to land the plane. Polite laughs were nowhere to be found, except perhaps a charitable smile from my baby sister. But it didn’t stop us from trying. I think my sisters and I are all probably better storytellers for it and we definitely have learned to try to bring humor into difficult times.

I know that this pandemic is so incredibly dark and depressing that it can sometimes feel disrespectful, inappropriate, or childish to laugh at anything. But my parents taught me that you laugh to survive. Nothing is ever so dark that you can’t find a reason to laugh. And sometimes you really need to find something to laugh about.

I’ve been taking long breaks each day from major media news outlets but I have been finding such joy and laughter from the meme creators on IG and the comedic geniuses on Twitter. In Taiwanese when something’s really funny, people will say a phrase that is imperfectly translated as laugh to death. Like you killed a person it was so funny. Now’s the time to find that content or those people who will get you to laugh to death.

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我要去挪車.

“I’m going to go re-park the cars.”

7. Go to bed with a plan for the next morning. I grew up in a suburb of Houston, Texas where one property developer built the entire neighborhood and used the same eight or nine floor plans for all the houses but changed up the brick and trim color to keep things interesting. Most homes have a long driveway that connects a garage set near the backdoor of a home to the street. By the time I was driving, we had four cars in total -- two in the garage and two on the driveway. At the end of the day when everyone was home for the night and my dad was getting ready to go to bed, he’d announce, “I’m going to go re-park the cars.” Then we’d all kind of stop what we were doing and rearrange the order of the cars to match our morning departure schedules. This meant figuring out who was leaving when in the morning and sometimes also prompted brief check-in conversations about any changes in our usual routine.

In a pandemic it can sometimes feel like there are a million different things to attend to and large conceptual concerns that demand your attention. But there’s something calming and centering about spending a few minutes each night thinking through specifically what needs to happen just tomorrow. Not the day after or next week. Get super tactical and specific about what tomorrow morning looks like. Check-in with your partner about any aberrations to your schedule (e.g. I have a super important conference call at 7am tomorrow) to minimize any unnecessary surprises. There’s something magical about setting up your morning that helps you rest just a little easier at night.

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星期三我們有禱告會.

“On Wednesdays we have prayer meeting.”

8. Make time for your spirituality. Growing up my parents both had physically demanding jobs. My mom was a seamstress for many years, providing alterations at my aunt and uncle’s dry cleaners. She later worked in an elementary school cafeteria and then eventually became a classroom aide for special needs students. My dad worked at that same dry cleaners for years until he got a job at the post office. He then became a letter carrier, delivering mail on foot. The summer months were especially grueling, carrying a heavy sack of mail in 100 degree, humid weather, and walking until sweat soaked his shirts and blisters formed on his feet. They had every excuse to skip weeknight events. But unless they were sick in bed, I can’t remember a time when they missed their weekly prayer meeting with their friends from church.

Pandemics have an unsettling way of forcing us to confront our mortality and can trigger a bunch of unresolved shit that has been bubbling underneath the surface. We’ve lost some of our usual coping mechanisms and it can be super hard to quiet the anxieties, fears, and other demons that we usually try to keep under control. This isn’t a lecture about a particular faith or belief system. It’s just a reminder to prioritize your existential questions, your interior life, and your connection to things much bigger than yourself -- whether that’s a community, a yoga practice, a faith group, a tradition, or something else.

I have a fledgling meditation practice that I’ve been trying to strengthen since last year. When I say fledgling I mean that sometimes I bail before the ten minutes is up and check my phone. Even though I’m not very good at it yet, I can really tell the difference on the days that I make time for it. Our church started hosting its weekly Sunday service online and that’s challenging for me because a church service feels like it’s designed to be so much about the physical rhythm of going to a place, seeing faces of people I love, hearing their voices co-mingling with mine in song and in prayer, and tasting the bread and wine in my mouth. The online service was short, and just for viewing through a zoom conference call, but there was still something meaningful about setting aside that time Sunday morning, asking our wiggly kids to be present, and saying the liturgy out loud knowing that in homes all across the country, other people are doing the same.

If things are really going to get as bad as some are predicting, we’ll need the spiritual strength to make it to the other side. Those habits are hard to form overnight. My parents taught me that you really have to make the time for your spirituality non-negotiable, so that you won’t abandon it when it’s inconvenient or when you are too tired.

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沒辦法.

“What choice do we have?”

9. Rise to the occasion. Whenever my parents are telling old war stories about things they had to do to get to where they are today, inevitably one of us will say, “Man that’s crazy, how did you manage to do it?” And instead of pointing to some super personality trait of theirs or some complex self-help principle, they always say, “We had no choice.” It’s not said in a defeated way, but in a posture of accepting that life can be cruel, unfair, and capricious. And that it’s not helpful to dwell too long on the why’s and how’s. My parents taught me that you can’t stay in despair mode. You eventually have to push yourself into problem solving mode and you do whatever it takes to move forward.

This coronavirus is so unlike anything we’ve ever experienced in our lifetime. It is so unprecedented for me that my brain is having a hard time processing the reality of what’s happening right now and the rest of my lived experience. I spent the first few days of this week just being overwhelmed, anxious, angry, and irritable. At this point though, I’m in go mode. I’m doing what needs to be done for our family and taking care of business. What choice do we have? I can hear my parents saying it. One day, if we’re lucky, we’ll say it to our kids too.

#coronavirus #immigrants #immigrant parents #survival tips #advice #covid-19 #pandemic #childhood #lifelessons

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mamaladykt · 5 years ago

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Quarantine Q&A

I was tagged by @queenrisa14 which whaaaaaaa!? God when will the Sally Fields "they like me!!!" feeling go away when ever I am tagged in anything? Does it ever? I'm always stunned people are aware of my existence. Thanks girl! Anywho!

Are you staying home from work/school?

Soooooooo, about this. Hehehe. I was working. I was considered essential. To the point that my 4 day a week job turning into 7 days a week, 12 hours a day for TWENTY days straight. It took a toll. On me and my kids. So, because my kids are now out of school for the rest of the school year, my schedule not allowing for any flexibility or a leave of absence, I put in notice last week and my last day was Monday night. I felt really good about it, felt free, came home tuesday morning and filed for unemployment on grounds of childcare needs (which was immediately flagged 🙄😭) and slept. Today was a new day, started cleaning my house for the first time in over a month...... and it went down hill from there. Horrendous night and not feeling great about the uphill battle that will be getting my kids (and husband) back on track. TL;DR yes I'm home, it's a mess.

If you're staying home, who's with you?

That would be my 5 children, my oldest daughter is 11 (dear God tween hormones are no joke!) and my 4 sons, who are 9, 7, 5, and 3. My husband is still working and I miss him during the day and wanted to boot him out tonight. Sigh.

Are you a homebody?

Yes!!! I'm an introvert. If I was well and truly alone, I would never need to leave my house. I have no issues with the idea of ordering groceries online, I just ordered my first ever iPad online and I'm trying to navigate buying glasses and contacts online (PM me with links of websites if you've done this and had a good experience). I just need Amazon to get their shit together and ship my stuff! This isn't the 90's it doesn't need to take a month to get me something. Gah! Also, if I could figure out how to get my ADHD diagnosis from home via telemedicine that would be greeeeeeeeat. Seriously never want to leave my house again.

What movies have you watched recently?

Hahahahahaha!!!!!!! Omg you think I watch movies... That's adorable. Yea, noooo. The last movie I watched was Frozen 2 when it hit Disney+ a month ago. I am, however trying to gear myself up emotionally for watching Avengers Infinity War and Endgame this Sunday. It's been a year..... I'm still not ok. And I haven't watched since that fateful day in the theaters. No seriously, I cried last night just hearing the opening notes to the IW TRAILER! The trailer y'all. "There was an idea....." 😭😭 Ugly sob.

Shows?

Umm, I was watching Outlander at work. I binge watched the first four seasons in like a month back in January. Couldn't wait for season 5 and lost all steam once it started. I dunno. I think it's the Brianna story line. Other than that I honestly throw on Downton Abbey or Victoria again when I need something to watch. (can you tell I have a thing for accents...) I'd love to binge watch in order from the beginning The Big Bang Theory! If anyone knows where I can get the series to stream, let me know. I've watched it out of order for years and years and love it so much but seeing it start to finish sounds like a perfect quarantine activity.

What event was cancelled that you were looking forward to?

My kids going to school on a daily basis?? Lol. No, you know what's funny. I've never gone, didn't have plans to go, but I actually shed a tear when they cancelled Comic Con 2020 in San Diego. I was hoping to go next year so it was a mix of disappointment over not streaming this year's panels/the historical significance of there not being one and feeling like next year is now unattainable because all the 2020 ticket holders will get that one? It's weird and all hypothetical and stupid. Honestly I'm a mom and I don't get to do anything. The most exciting thing on my "to-do" list that was postponed was the Black Widow movie. I have waiting 10 goddamn years for my girl to get a solo movie! TEN YEARS!!!! I needed this to distract from the 1 year anniversary of losing Tony Stark Endgame. Gah. I'm also holding my breath that Sailor Moon Crystal the movie doesnt get postponed from September to God knows when. And my October trip to Orlando for Girl Scouts USA Convention isn't canceled. I'm going to Disney World!! If Florida isn't stup.... Yea ok. 😑😒😞

What Music are you listening to?

My Seiya playlist. I have a playlist of music that I think Seiya would sing. Cuz I love him and he's cheeky and in my head he's a weird mix of Adam Levine and Brendon Urie and that's what the playlist is full of. And this one song by Dermot Kennedy called Outnumbered that is just, IMO Seiya's parting words to Usagi. That and I'm kind of obsessed with Dance Monkey by Tones and I.

What are you reading?

Other than articles about the CARES act regarding unemployment benefits, reviews of cases and accessories for my new iPad Pro (it's the 12.9 and I had no idea I bought the big one and that it's basically a touch screen iMac and I'm overwhelmed with trying to find something to protect it from my children....) or homeschool tips and tricks for kids with autism.......

So help me God, I am reading The Unintentional Seduction of Chiba Mamoru if it freaking kills me. It's been on my to-read list for freaking ever and I am dying that I haven't read it yet. And kind of hating myself. Come on KT, get your ish together sis!!! I'm sorry @floraone !!

What are you doing for self-care?

I quit my job for one. That was the ultimate self-care move. That and for my kids.

Also, Online shopping? I have purchased things for myself that I have never done before. Makeup which is so fun. Like I bought the whole Sailor Moon makeup collection from Colour Pop. I got my first Morphe palette. And big girl concealer from Tarte. Yaaaaas! My iPad and all the pink accessories I can find. A pink throw blanket because my kids have a million blankets but we have no throw blankets for the couch. What the hell? And my favorite thing, I bought a bunch of stuff from teepublic with my profile picture on it from the artist @briannacherrygarcia (seriously her work is amazing! Go check her out, I can't get enough) that created it. I mean, how cool is that. I'm usually too poor to support the content creators for which I am so grateful for. After working three 84hr weeks, I figured I deserved to splurge on something that wasn't in anyway shape or form a need. A pure joyful want. Cant be excused as anything else. It felt so good. I got stickers and an art print and a coffee mug (because coffee mugs are my favorite thing and I somehow do not have enough of them so if anyone wants to send me pretty coffee mugs!) And a hoodie!! I'm so excited.

That last question is amazing. I was feeling so down and overwhelmed by just how bad my home and everyone in it was doing after I was working so much. I am not exaggerating saying it going to take weeks to put this back together and help my kids get used to having rules and structure again. Because it wasn't gonna be a quick fix I was hating life. But listing all the ways that I managed to take care of me, something I never do, because that's what I needed the last month to literally survive, reminded me that I am in a good place and that I have time now to get this done. It took a month to get to this level of chaos it only stands to reason that it's probably gonna take a month to put it back. And shit it's not like we're going anywhere. What's the rush? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @queenrisa14 for this! This was great and fun and so needed for my psyche. I tag anyone on my follows list who hasn't done this. Do it and say I tagged you.

MamaLK says take care of you and the rest will fall into place! 😘

#quarantine activities #self care #we got this #tagged

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blinkingstardust · 4 years ago

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thinker

[tw: death, suicide? idk how tws work]

i'm a thinker, so i used to think that thinking is the solution to just about everything.

it makes sense. the more you think, the sooner you'll find a solution that makes sense, a solution that has most pros and least cons, a favourable solution. and most of the time people end up in a completely horrible situation that could've been avoided, had they choose to stop for a moment and think out the entire situation. then again, for people who aren't just natural thinkers, like i am, they'd say that "everything is easier in theory than in practice," which by theory i am sure is true, but i have never tested myself in practice.

then again perhaps that is also the case when it comes to these seemingly avoidable catastrophes in life—perhaps it is because i have never faced such a conflict, that i have never for a moment believed that not everything can be solved with thought. i'd like to think that it's the reverse—i have never ended up in such situations because i use thought, but even i know as a thinker that the theory isn't valid; so much factors come into play in regards to how irregular, out of the ordinary situations occur in our lives. in other words, there are many external factors contributing to the situations i end up in, not merely my thought processes.

so my current stance in life seems to be that i just haven't been hit with a large enough force to truly test the hypothesis that problems can be avoided by thorough planning. regardless, being the semi-realistic person i am, i spend my life planning to avoid these so-called disasters. i learn about everything—from science to humans, to understand the things that pose as risks into my life, so that when the time comes where i have to face something threatening my safety, i'd be able to fight it off. i know how to spot the right people to hang with, so i don't end up being betrayed or being heartbroken by some worthless man. i know what to do to prevent common diseases, and i know to resist impulses such as binge shopping, so i can save money, and drinking, so i don't die early in life. most of all, i learn how others live, so i won't have to repeat the same mistakes people made. and in comparison to these lives i've read about, 17 years is a considerably long period of time to have lived without facing a major disaster caused by my lack of thought.

i'm not quite sure, though, whether 17 years is an extremely late period of time to realise that i haven't been alive at all.

according to some accounts of science, you begin to die right after birth. biologically, the average lifespan of our cells is about 7-10 years, but the shortest lifespan of a cell in our body can be about mere hours. scientifically, the official age our bodies are considered to start dying begins at 25, because before then the rate of cell growth exceeds cell death. by this standard, me being at the age of 17 means that i haven't officially started dying.

but lately, it's been starting to feel a lot like i'm dying, even to a physical extent. and it has little to do with the coronavirus lockdown. in almost every aspect of my life i'm doing fine—i have no major health issues, i have a pretty content family, a decent amount of friends to rely on, grades that i can get by with, and beginning recently, regained freedom to roam around the country, meaning a nice, independent life. with the gadgets i have and the money i save, i have enough to entertain myself during the holidays. but even so, it feels so empty. i spend my days lying on my dorm bed, which feels so much more like a deathbed these days, thinking of how to remain alive, but not doing any of the things i know i should be doing.

and by this i mean: i should be cleaning my room, at least once every two weeks, windows opened, laundry done, taking care of my hygiene, and subsequently, my health. but i haven't touched the vacuum cleaner in two months, the furniture's piled with dust, as if no one's lived in the room for years, the laundry basket overflows with clothes worn without being washed in weeks, the window never being opened that it's killed even my resilient succulent, the bedsheets as it were months ago, never been changed. by this i mean: i should be taking care of my food intake, eating as much vegetables and fruits, taking vitamins, and watching my carb intake, exercising regularly and sleeping at the right time to maintain not just my physical, but mental health as well. but i order takeout every other day, and when i don't, i eat instant, processed food, consume an abnormal amount of caffeine and milk day and night, never touching the vitamins placed on the nightstand right next to the bed, eating too much at once then some days, not at all, sleeping more than half a day then, in a day, less than three broken up hours of sleep, and when awake, never moving the body other than to go to the toilet. by this i mean: i should be maintaining an active daily routine through which i continue to pursuit mental challenges, and artistic endeavours to keep my brain alive, making use of the free time i have to take some classes to reduce the study load of the future, to read the books i don't have time to read in school, to write stories of ideas i think in the shower, to sing and dance, and even rap, the songs i listen to daily, to draw the people i love, to speak of the things people need to hear, to even design a house, or dress up avatars, feeding off my favourite aesthetics, anything to keep the brain alive. but i do none of these, even when i have my laptop, my ipad with the corresponding apple pencil, my papers and pens, my phone, my newly and impulsively bought nintendo switch, my books, all placed around me, i don't make an effort to open the apps i need, don't make a single effort to use my brain, use the creativity, and keep it running, instead i lie on my bed for hours, just thinking, thinking of what i should do and what i shouldn't do and not actually doing it, and looking at the full length mirror next to me and realising just exactly how brain dead i look, and that it's only about time that the body follows suit.

and many of the times i spend just thinking, i find myself conjuring ideas in my head, wishing for myself to be not thinking. i find myself wishing to feel, without thinking of the consequences, without considering all pros and cons of the situation, just going with what i feel. i want to fall in love with the wrong person so wholeheartedly, even if everyone around me argues that said person will inevitably break my heart. i want to go to the club and dance like there isn't a tomorrow, sing my heart out, drown my throat in burning liquor and perhaps in someone's tongue, only to wake up with no memory of the previous night in some good looking stranger's bed. i want to waste my money on a good camera, plane tickets to countries in various continents, take beautiful pictures of the scenery and of friends who may not stick with me for more than a year, and feel the pride off the pictures i take, and have pictures taken of as well so i can post them in my social media and have people see how beautiful of a life i have. i want to be openly rude to people who disrespect others, look down on condescending people, and land myself in prison for confidently leading a movement standing up against prevalent derogatory beliefs, and again for hacking into rich people's accounts to redistribute the wealth. i want to spend the nights in the beach, regardless of curfew, staring at the starry expanse of black, with people i care about and people who care about me, shouts echoing over the deep blue, gathered around the blazing red and orange of the campfire, pouring every feeling we've ever felt, in laughter, in tears, in anger, in fear, as humans. i want to be struck by lightning, hit by a bus, fall from a building, faint from the heat, shot by a bullet, and land in the hospital, few seconds from death, and be given a stronger reason to appreciate the life i have. i want to feel human. i want to live for once.

i keep waiting for something, or someone out there to bring about these changes to me. i'm tired of waiting. i want to start feeling instead of thinking. but as much as i want to do something about it, it's too late—my brain has eaten out most of my heart, and i don't know if there's anything left of it. i can't cause myself to feel anything anymore, the only feelings i feel left are fatigue, tiredness, emptiness. a shell of a human.

i'm starting to think that the only thing that'll end my endless train of thought is when i finally stop breathing—but i don't feel scared. i can't anymore. if anything, i await the day.

—

//broke my writing streak (and, simultaneously, my animal crossing streak, and my normal functioning life in general) and have been so... lifeless in a week so maybe writing this may bring about something

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truthbeetoldmedia · 5 years ago

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iZombie 5x13 "All’s Well That Ends Well" Review

Hello friends, are we ready to say goodbye? I was a little nervous coming into this finale, seeing as there was so much to wrap up, and therefore...much to mess up. As a result, the pacing was indeed a little strange, but some minor characters get some hero moments, and it was all setting up a final ten minutes that essentially functioned as an epilogue that sealed the series.

Okay, let’s dig in. Enzo has taken over Fillmore Graves and has declared war on humans. Dolly and her people have responded in kind, going around New Seattle taking out high ranking zombies. While gunfire rains over the city, Ravi, Clive, and Liv are returning from Atlanta with the vial needed for the cure.

Even though it’s risky, they choose to fly to get back faster. Liv’s plane seatmate is suspicious, insisting she’s seen Liv before. Even though the official heist is over, the trio show they still have a few smooth moves, and manage to slip a sedative into the woman’s drink so she’ll stop asking questions. As she sleeps soundly, her iPad drops to the floor of the cabin. She must have figured it out right before she’s knocked out — the flight attendant picks up the device and sees the browser is open to an article about Liv and her work as Renegade.

When the plane lands, the flight attendant pulls Clive, Liv, and Ravi from their seats and introduces them to a Portland police officer. After a brief moment of anxiety, the flight attendant reveals they are siblings, and Liv saved their younger sister’s life by smuggling her into Seattle and turning her into a zombie. The officer offers to escort them to the Washington border as a thank you, and in hopes they can get back to Seattle quicker. Clive is happy to hear this, as he gets a message that Dale is labor with their baby.

Major turns himself in to get a shot at securing the Max Rager, and luckily he still has one more ally back at Fillmore Graves. Lieutenant Collins has always been a steadfast supporter of Major, and she truly comes through in his hour of need. She helps him get past Enzo and his lackeys so he can get to the precious energy drink needed for the cure. As a result, Enzo executes her. Lieutenant Collins was always a background character, but she was one that I always respected and appreciated, and without her, Major wouldn’t have been able to make it out of Fillmore Graves alive. We’re pouring one out for her tonight.

Meanwhile, Peyton is still being held hostage by Blaine. She helps the Freylich kids make a distraction by conking him over the head, and tossing the keys to Oliver, the older boy with a terminal illness. He drives the getaway car, but Peyton doesn’t quite make it out with the rest of them. The Freylich smuggler shoots at Peyton, and while she takes him out, he gets her too. Blaine runs out to see Peyton bleeding out on the ground.

The kids make it back to the safe house, just as Liv and Ravi are arriving. When they realize Peyton didn’t return with them, they get emotional. Ravi nearly falls apart before Liv reminds them they have an important job to do. She tells Ravi to get to cooking the cure, and she would deal with Blaine. She promises to show no mercy.

Luckily, Blaine’s obsession with Peyton serves her well in this instance. He turns her into a zombie and forces to eat a meal with him. It’s pretty incredible Peyton has survived this whole series without becoming a zombie, but I guess the virus comes for everyone eventually. Unfortunately for Blaine, he should have been more calculating about the brain he fed her. Don E watches Peyton while Blaine goes to visit the well on his father’s property (the one that also used to serve as his father’s prison). Don E is delighted when Peyton has her first vision, but in a dead-panned voice, she tells him she saw Blaine suffocating a girl with a pillow, wearing a wedding dress and calling for Don E. While we still never see the true circumstances of Darcy’s death on-screen, I’m more inclined to trust Peyton’s version of things than Blaine’s. It’s the last straw for Don E, who storms to the well and unceremoniously pushes Blaine in. “No one was ever going to love you,” Don E screams down the well. “I’m the only person who could stand you, and you killed my fiance.” Liv shows up just in time to see the show and she hesitates even less. She hurls a rock at Don E and her aim is true. Don E goes in the well right after Blaine. “Enjoy eternity together!” she sneers, just as she bursts into tears, grieving Peyton. One has to wonder, if this was all that it took to get rid of these two, perhaps it should have been done a long time ago. It certainly would have saved Liv a lot of headaches. I find that even though it was a simple death, it was a deserving one for Blaine and Don E. I was hoping for more of a redemptive moment for Don E, but it took him way too long to see the light, and he’s been complicit in Blaine’s schemes since the very beginning. By the end, he was a richer character, but still an evil one. I’m okay with those two being a little closer to hell now.

Besides, it was all worth it for the moment right after. “How funny would it be if now I knocked you in,” Peyton says. Liv turns around to see her best friend, and the two reunite in a sweet hug. This moment made me a little emotional. These two college buddies have morphed into two very capable and clever young women, and they’ve been by each other’s side through the worst of it.

Blaine and Don E may be out of the picture, but we but we aren’t even close to the end yet! Clive and Dale deliver a beautiful and healthy baby. It essentially takes them out of all the action, but I thought, for better or worse, it was a strong choice. I was glad I didn’t have to worry about either of them dying in the eleventh hour, and they were able to watch everything from their television screens without being in danger.

Ravi finally creates the cure, and he and Major dramatically roll up to the local TV station. After a brief attempt at convincing Johnny Frost to take the cure, Major takes matters into his own hands. “I’m here to prove to the people that it’s over,” he says. He strikes a deal. Major will take the cure, and Enzo can shoot him in the chest in front of everyone. If he dies, it proves he’s not a zombie. It’s just the kind of stupidly heroic thing that Major would do, and Enzo takes him up on it. Major takes the cure and Enzo shoots him more times than can be counted. It’s traumatic, and they really had me believing that our boy was probably dead. Ravi tackles Enzo and manages to cure him. Graham, who had been sneaking around the background the entire episode, appears and shoots Enzo in the head, avenging his boyfriend. A Fillmore Graves officer takes him out, and chaos breaks out. RIP sweet teacher Graham. Outside the TV station, there’s intense gunfire being exchanged between Fillmore Graves, Dead Enders, and Dolly’s CHICS. Inside, the power goes out.

Ravi crawls over to what appears to be a lifeless Major, while we listen to a voicemail he left for Liv. He says goodbye because he doesn’t think he’ll survive his latest world-saving stunt, but she’s always been the love of his life. Just when I was beginning to choke up and start preparing for a life without Major Lillywhite, he softly croaks, “You tricky son of a bitch, what was in that syringe you gave me.” Ravi admits that he gave him a vial of straight up Max Rager, but promises him that “next time, it’s all yours.”

Liv is back at the station, bawling while listening to the voicemail and believing Major is dead. Strangely, Michelle comes into the morgue and asks Liv if she’s okay. The moment is brief and someone breaks into the morgue and sets off a huge explosion. And then suddenly, we are ten years into the future.

At first, I was a little let down. This is absolutely the easiest way to wiggle out dealing with the aftermath of Dolly, the other fringe human groups, and all the other plotlines that iZombie didn’t feel like it wanted to deal with neatly. We don’t get to watch how Seattle apparently “repopulated, rebuilt, and rebranded” as we hear in a moment later. But my frustration was short lived, as the last ten minutes were devoted to my beloved core characters that I adore so much.

Clive, Peyton, and Ravi appear on a virtual reality talk show, where a charismatic host asks them questions about their lives after the cure. As three people who had a front row seat to the events, the host wants to get their perspectives. It’s revealed that none of them stayed in New Seattle after the war, but they all went on to have very successful careers and marriages. Ravi and Peyton are a married couple living in Atlanta, she’s a lawyer and Ravi is head of the CDC. Clive and Dale are co-captaining San Francisco PD while raising their kid, as well as Michelle’s. Besides their lives prospering, the world has recovered from this chapter of history. The cure was distributed, and while some were cured, some are still living full lives as zombies. Dolly is still out there, but not causing trouble as far as we know. While this is all lovely and good, this show really makes us sweat here. Where are Liv and Major? The host wants to know as well. The three of them insist that they are both lost to time, legends in their own right, and they miss them just as much as anyone. Liv died in the morgue’s suicide bombing, and while Major never lost hope that she’s alive, no one has seen him in ten years. They’ve accepted that Liv isn’t alive or that Major will never resurface, America will have to accept it too.

Unless...

We see a flashback of Major returning to the safe house with the kids, and Liv meeting them there. They reunite with a passionate kiss, and even though things are still burning and they are covered in dirt and exhausted, things are right again.

In the most “happily ever after” ending the show could have possibly delivered, Liv and Major are living their lives in private, in a huge mansion by the water, with all their little zombie children. Their friends are well aware of this, and are protecting them from the world at large with their reunion interviews. After the host disappears, Liv and Major appear in the virtual reality space, and after some light teasing amongst the group, they invite Clive, Peyton, and Ravi to their personal zombie haven. “All it takes is a scratch,” Liv says with a knowing smile.

This show tackled more than it had a right to. It was convoluted, goofy, strange, exhausting, whimsical, outlandish, absurd, dark, and hilarious, all at the same time. But what grounded it at the center was the fact it never forgot about its core cast. At times they were given unfortunate character arcs, undercooked plots, and under-serving love interests. But in the end, we saw who they truly were. Ravi, the scientist with a moral compass. Peyton, the lawyer with clever smarts. Clive, the captain with a discerning spirit. And Major and Liv, the nurturers and protectors of zombie-kind, the best mom and dad friends you could ever ask for. I can’t express how happy I am the show ended with these five, standing tall and in love with each other, looking well-rested in paradise. It wasn’t an easy road, in fact sometimes it was a very frustrating road. But when I remember iZombie, I’ll remember it was a show about heroes, good over evil, and a really, really good meal. I’m always going to have a soft spot in my heart for it.

Stray thoughts

“She’s googling The Good Place. She thinks I’m Kristen Bell.” “She’ll be sorely disappointed.” This gag was straight up gold.

Those flamethrowers seemed especially cruel? Fire doesn’t kill zombies, but sure seems to be painful

Collins, Graham, Oliver, and Michelle. All minor characters this season that had a Moment this episode. While most of these characters were overall underutilized in this series and season, I liked how each of them were used to tie things together. Oliver was the only one who made it out alive, however, and the rest of them definitely deserved better.

Did the suicide bomber think that blowing up the morgue would prevent creating more zombies…? That’s the only reason I can think why blowing up a fridge full of dead people could make sense.

Wait this actually reveals a strange plot hole. Is there a limit to how long you’ve been dead before you can be scratched and be a zombie? I don’t remember this question ever explicitly being addressed. There was never an instance where anyone considered creating a zombie army from Liv and Ravi’s morgue.

Clive and Dale named their daughter Olivia. My HEART.

Even though Peyton was okay, I’m glad we got to see Major comfort Ravi. Their bromance is truly one for the ages.

“The way I make my decisions these days is asking myself what would Liv Moore do.” This couple is THAT supportive ship.

I wish we had gotten better promo photos for this finale, or at least some more variety of scenes

Even though it’s a little thin to believe that some people never turned back human and there are zombies still peacefully living among us (as well as Liv and Major, living outside), I actually didn’t mind it. They had to have some way to wrap up the problem of people who would die if they turned back into a human.

“I do miss you, partner.” “Vice versa, Clive.” Wow, ten years without Liv’s antics. I imagine that Clive’s productivity at work has gone way up, although I’m sure he sorely misses her crime-solving visions.

That’s a wrap for iZombie. What did you think? Favorite brains? Worst plot holes? Best shipper moments? Let me know your thoughts!

Haley’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝.5

#iZombie #Series Finale #All's Well That Ends Well

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itsmeezaki · 5 years ago

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How Do I Test My iPhone Battery?

Has this ever been you…? you're distant from home; distant from any source of electricity, once you realize that your iPhone battery is dead. you only charged it this morning! How could it already be dead? If this has ever been you, you recognize a frustration that a lot of folks know only too well.

But never fear, there are a couple of ways in which you'll test the life and functionality of the battery inside your iPhone so that you never need to experience that helpless feeling again. Keep reading for several ways to understand the solution to the question, “How do I test my iPhone battery?” Why would I want to check my iPhone’s battery?

If your phone is consistently dying on you or running slow and sluggishly, one among the culprits might be the health of your battery. you would possibly think that you simply can check the health of your battery by watching the small battery icon within the upper right corner of your phone, however, that's the status of your iPhone battery’s life.

Your iPhone battery’s health is some things completely different. Your iPhone’s battery life dictates how long your iPhone will stay charged on one charge, however, your iPhone’s battery health regulates how your battery life weakens over time. Constant use of your iPhone will cause your battery life to get shorter and shorter. That’s why your iPhone doesn’t hold its charge quite also because it did a year ago.

Unfortunately, you can't gain access to data about your iPhone battery’s health in your iOS settings, so to get this information, you'll get to undergo a few additional steps. Luckily there are several different approaches and methods to try to to it. The Apple Support App

One of the only ways, by far, to see the status of your iPhone battery’s health is to download the Apple Support app. This free app is amazingly helpful, not just for testing the life and functionality of your iPhone battery, but also for several other questions that you simply may need about your apple devices.

Through this application, you gain access to articles and knowledge tailored specifically to your apple product which answers your questions directly. you furthermore may get the choice to call, chat or email with an Apple expert. All you've got to try to do is just download the Apple Support app from the App Store.

Once you've got the app downloaded, simply start a talk session with an Apple technician. Once connected, tell them the difficulty that you simply are having together with your battery which you'd like for its health to be checked. they're going to then walk you through the method of doing just that. Once complete, a report of the status of your battery is going to be sent to Apple and therefore the representative will inform you of the status of your iPhone battery’s health.

If for whatever reason, you are doing not want to download the app, you'll also contact Apple Support through their support website or tweet them. one of the downsides to the present method is the lack of data. The diagnostic assay will offer you a pass or fail, so if you would like to urge a touch more specific about your iPhone battery’s health, you'll get to accompany one among our different options. Battery Life Doctor app

When it involves apps that will tell you about the status of your iPhone battery’s health, there is a veritable smorgasbord of options out there to settle on from. Some cost money, some just aren’t helpful, and a few are complicated to use. The Battery Life Doctor may be a refreshingly simple (and free) option for you to urge a reasonably thorough analysis of your battery health.

Just download the app from the App Store, and you'll gain access to an easy layout of most of the knowledge you'll ever need about your iPhone battery’s health. Battery Life Doctor tells you the general health of your battery, giving it a rating of “Perfect”, “Good”, “Bad”, etc. it'll also tell you the overall” Wear Level” of your iPhone battery.

This nifty percentage tells you ways much your battery has degraded over time. So, as an example, if your wear level is at 22%, then that means that the charge capacity of your iPhone’s battery is at 78%. this suggests, that your iPhone’s battery is merely capable of holding a touch over 3/4 of the charge that it did once you first got it.

The one downside to the present app is like many other free applications, it contains pesky advertisements. But if you'll affect those ads, which isn’t that difficult since this is often likely not an application that you simply will use fairly often, then this might be the answer for you. Coconut Battery

Another option for testing the health of your iPhone’s battery is to use your MacBook. If you own a Mac computer, then you'll download a free and amazing little program called Coconut Battery. this tiny utility application gives you an easy yet thorough check out not only your iPhone’s battery health but also your MacBook’s battery also.

You can even use it to research the life and health of your iPad’s battery too! Once you've got downloaded and installed the program, simply plug your iPhone into your MacBook together with your lightning cable and click on on the “iOS Device” tab at the highest of the appliance.

This will allow you to ascertain helpful information about your iPhone Battery just like the current charge, the complete charge capacity (the maximum amount that your battery are often charged with), the cycle count (amount of times your battery was charged from 0% to 100%) and even the temperature inside your iPhone’s battery.

The only downside to the present option is that it's only available on Macs. If you own a Windows computer, then you'll not be ready to use it. But don’t fret, because there are options out there for you also. iBackupBot

For people who don’t have a Mac, you'll download iBackupBot. This device is almost like coconut Battery. You download and install the appliance and plug your iPhone into your computer via the lighting cable. After it runs a diagnostic check on the status of your iPhone battery, it'll offer you access to a myriad of data including cycle count, full-charge capacity, and lots of others.

The downside to the present particular utility is that it's not free. It cost 35 dollars, however, you'll always bypass the charge by utilizing the “7-day free trial” option. It won’t offer you future access to the app, however, seven days is certainly long enough to see your iPhone battery’s health a few times and find out if something must be done.

Another downside to the present application is that the knowledge and layout aren’t as easy to know because of the other apps listed above. Regardless, iBackupBot remains a viable solution for getting an in-depth analysis of you the status of your iPhone’s battery health. What if your battery health just isn’t very good?

So, after utilizing one among the applications above, you've got determined that your iPhone’s battery isn’t very healthy. What does one do about it?

Nothing lasts forever. All electronic devices have a lifetime. that's why your telephone providers offer upgrades. However, there are a few options available to you.

Get your iPhone battery replaced. If your battery is struggling you'll catch on replaced fairly painlessly. Apple will roll in the hay for you, in fact, and at a fraction of the value of a replacement phone. Just visit their Apple Batteries website and click on their battery services under the iPhone option and you'll be directed to the iPhone Services Answer Center. There you'll find all of the knowledge you would like about the way to get your iPhone battery replaced without even leaving your home. Just a fair warning, this may cost you within the neighborhood of $80 and can leave you without your phone for the higher a part of every week.If that doesn’t work for you there also are other options. If there's an apple store near you, you'll always visit them and have them fix it there. it'll cost an equivalent, minus the delivery fee. If there isn’t an apple store near you, don’t hand over hope.You can always find the closest Authorized Apple Service Center and obtain them to exchange your battery for you. If this is often the choice that you simply would like to pursue, you'll get to make a meeting . attend Apple’s Support Page, click “iPhone”, then “Battery, Power & Charging.” Once that's done you'll want to click “Battery replacement” and lastly “Bring certain repair.”After doing so, you'll be prompted to log in together with your Apple ID and provides a reason for the repair request. then, you'll be directed an inventory of the closest available locations and therefore the times that they're available to repair your iPhone.BONUS: If you're still rocking that iPhone 6, and still aren’t looking to upgrade, you'll get this service finished less expensive. Rick Broida has a superb article on the way to replace your iPhone 6 battery without breaking the bank.

Get a replacement iPhone.

I know, you've got been adjourning getting that new upgrade. you'll be asking yourself, “Is the newer iPhone 8 or X that far better than my iPhone 6?” the straightforward answer is yes, it is. However, whether or not you ought to finally spring for that upgrade depends on what you primarily use your phone for, and the way often you employ it.

For example, if you're an amateur photographer and use your phone to constantly take pictures, then you ought to consider going for the upgrade especially if your phone maybe a few years old. The newer iPhones accompany far better lenses, technology, and lots of more filters and settings that allow you to require stunning pictures.

Another reason to upgrade is that Apple has gotten significantly better at creating phones with much greater battery life. Remember, that's a term for a way long your battery will continue one charge. If you haven’t upgraded in quite a while, you'll be shocked at what proportion longer the newer phones will last before they're going to get to be charged.

Often, people that just use their phones for texting and therefore the occasional call can even go a few days without charging. Apple has even gone wireless with charging for the iPhone X, which suggests you'll charge on charge pads that conveniently located in many stores and even in some newer model cars.

Ultimately, only you'll decide on whether you would like to upgrade or not. Replacing your battery could also be cheaper, but you'll be missing out on tons of options and upgrades that are only available on a more modern iPhone.

#iphone #battery life #apple #tech

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moldy-mold · 5 years ago

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Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted. At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan. My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.”  Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!  https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

#diary

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staytheb · 6 years ago

Text

iPad Mini

Pairing: SKZ’s Lee Know x OC [Melanie] Genre: college!au, slice of life, slight fluff Word Count: 4,333 Summary: Melanie just wants her iPad Mini back. But it’s a bit hard when one of the hottest guys on campus has it and is holding something like an audition with his friends to figure out who it belongs to. Minho just wants to know who the Blue Fairy was that danced circles around him that night.

Warning: curse words. um... college stuff. i dunno really. lol

this was actually inspired by me watching Selena Gomez in the Another Cinderella movie. it’s actually quite good now that i’m older. lol anyways, i always wanted to write something like this, but with my own twist and i just never could get around to who would be in it and then bam it happened and now it’s here. but um, yeah that’s about it really despite the lame title, but the whole reason the story is here is because of an iPad Mini so yeah happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

revised. 9.10.20

"So what's the plan, Mel?" Jasmine asked as the quartet huddled while discussing on how to get back Melanie's iPad Mini from Minho and his friends who were in a way holding a little thing where girls could line up and try to claim the iPad as theirs.

"Well, I was gonna go up to him and straight up asked for it back because obviously it's mine." Melanie answered. "But then everyone would know it was me he had a dance battle with as the Blue Fairy and I hate having the spotlight on me."

"I mean," Serena interjected with a nonchalant manner, "The DJ was seriously playing a sorry ass playlist and your iPad was the one that was quickly available and I knew the pass-code to, to play a bomb ass playlist instead. So, yeah, my bad about that."

"You did pull out some moves on him though." Katherine added with a laugh. "No other girl was down to dance like that with him."

"No guys either besides his friends." Jasmine stated with a chuckle. "Mel definitely danced circles around him. Honestly speaking, if all four of us showcased our skills instead of Mel, who knows what would of happened last night."

"I know right." Serena commented. "The four of us would have never been left alone again after that."

"Well, obviously since Melanie wasn't the only one who danced with someone that night." Katherine inputted with a chuckle. "I remember you, Serena, was dancing with Minho's friend, Chris. You guys were pretty cute I must say."

"We weren't dancing with each other and no we're definitely not cute, Kat. He bumped into me and we did the whole weird dance of trying to get out of each other's way and kept going back and forth." Serena explained with a roll of her eyes. "It was kind of dumb and took a little longer than it should have even when I just stood there for him to move around me."

"Yeah, right, Rina. I'm pretty sure there's another story behind it." Katherine cooed while nudging Serena playfully.

"Whatever." Serena dismissed before directing the attention elsewhere. "Well if I recall, I wasn't the only one having a moment. Jasmine was totally dancing with Jisung, too, and I think they may have sneaked off somewhere before we dipped earlier than expected. I'm surprised that he's your type, Jas."

"We just danced and maybe kissed." Jasmine answered with a small smile. "A few times. I didn't think he would be my type either."

"That's cute." Katherine cooed. "I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, right." Jasmine disagreed. "I saw you and Changbin getting down and being all touchy, touchy with one another in the dark corner."

"We both were feeling the music. The vibe was good." Katherine reasoned. "Plus, it was less crowded in the corner and it wasn't even that dark."

"Y'all's moments are cute and all with the guys you like kinda like me, but like can we get back to my current situation at the moment please?" Melanie cut in to return them back on topic, "Anyways, how are we supposed to get my iPad back?"

"Wait. You like Minho?" Serena redirected the conversation elsewhere. "Since when?"

"I said kinda like. He's cute." Melanie clarified.

Jasmine let out a low whistle before speaking. "Ohh, this makes it even more juicy. I wonder how it'll turn out."

"Well, we won't know unless I get my iPad Mini back, right?" Melanie retorted with a sigh. "I was supposed to catch up on my dramas last night after the dance."

"Okay, then. How about we steal it back?" Katherine suggested.

"How though?" Serena wondered. "There's like nine of them and they won't easily let it just sit there unattended."

"Rina's right. Minho's adamant about finding out who it belongs to." Jasmine stated. "We really need a good plan."

"I just can't believe I dropped it when I ran away from him though." Melanie scolded herself. "Even though Rina got it away from the DJ. I hope it's fine."

"Yeah and that shit wasn't easy since the guy was mad we interrupted his session earlier, too." Serena reminded them. "Your iPad is fine. It's got a good case."

"It's fine, Mel. I agree with Serena about the case." Katherine reassured her. "We'll figure out how to get it back for you."

"How about all four us distracts them?" Jasmine suggested before explaining further. "Like, Melanie is gonna give him an answer, but while they're all distracted the three of us try to swipe it out of his hands and just scattered."

"That could work because then they wouldn't know which one of us took it." Serena reasoned with a smile. "I like it, Jas. Good thinking."

"But will it work though?" Katherine inquired.

Melanie shrugged before letting out a sigh.

"I guess we'll just have to try and see how it goes."

The quartet looked at one another as they silently agreed before nodding in confirmation. Melanie gave out the orders before they all went to their respective places until it was time to get Melanie's iPad Mini back. They just hoped that it wouldn't take too long or someone else wounds up with it instead.

It was finally Melanie's turn after waiting almost like ten minutes since there were a lot of girls and even guys trying to get something that wasn't even theirs. The twins, Jasmine and Katherine, were off to the side waiting for their signal to start the distraction. Serena would later come, grab, and run off with it once her sister, Melanie, gave her the go-ahead to do so. When Melanie calmly stood before the males who were sitting behind a clothed table like they were holding auditions for something, Minho was actually in front leaning against it.

Minho cast Melanie a surprised look, but remained calmed before asking her the first question. "What's the color of the case?"

"It's blue." Melanie answered while describing the case further. "On the outside and kinda hard, but it's dark grey on the inside and of the same material. It's designed by iHome and the case is like a book cover with a rubber band that keeps it in place and the iPad Mini itself is also white."

"Okay, impressive." Minho was impressed by her answer before casting her a smug look. "What's the picture of the lock screen?"

The only reason Minho was asking this question was that every person who answered always got it wrong and was unable to actually explain it in detail. It was the same for the question about the color of the case. No one could describe it in detail until Melanie came along. So, Minho was curious if this device actually belonged to her. It was the same for the other eight males who grew interested upon Melanie describing the case in depth.

Melanie tsked before answering. "It's a generic lock screen wallpaper, but it's mainly blue with shades or hues of orange and white as well. Kinda like you're looking in to a wave's vortex or something like that."

"Wow." Minho let out in awe with a nod of his head. "That's pretty accurate."

"Obviously." Melanie muttered, but refrained from letting him know that.

"Then," Minho reached from behind him and brought forth Melanie's iPad while speaking, "You should be able to put in the pass-code, right?"

The nine males anticipated what would happened upon Melanie entering the pass-code. It was because they wanted to know if Melanie knew it or not as she was the first and only one to actually be presented with the item itself since they started. Everyone else failed to describe the actual lock screen and so were unable to see the actual iPad Mini previously. All the others behind Melanie hoped that she didn't get it correct because they wanted a moment to be focused on by the nine hottest boys on the campus of Seoul University.

"Yeah, of course. It's mine." Melanie stated in a firm voice although she was dying inside about all of this.

Melanie then cast her gaze over to Katherine and Jasmine who were waiting for her signal which was the look that Melanie was giving them. Because the duo had stood near the table which no one really gave them much notice, they set the rest of the plan into motion and started arguing on the spot. They also started to push each other making them clash with the table from time to time to make an even bigger commotion.

It drew everyone's attention towards them and when that happened Melanie quickly looked for Serena who was standing off to the side on the opposite end of where the other two were. Compare to the others, Serena actually wore a hoodie that could disguise her appearance more since the other three wore jackets instead. So when Serena caught Melanie's look, she rushed over towards Minho, plucked the iPad out of his hands with ease and took off. Serena didn't dare to glance back and prayed for herself to outrun whoever was about to chase after her.

"Hey!" Minho called after her as he took off to catch her.

His friends noticed this and did the same thing leaving everyone to look after them. Jasmine and Katherine stopped what they were doing knowing that the plan had worked and ran up to Melanie. The trio looked at one another worried and also ran after Serena in hopes of catching up to her first.

"Fuck my life." Serena muttered to herself after placing Melanie's item into the pocket of her hoodie while still running away from Minho and his friends. "Why did I have to wear a freaking hoodie and not a jacket today?"

She held one end of her hood of her hoodie while placing a protective arm over her stomach to keep the iPad mini from tumbling out as she ran across the school's campus towards her dormitory. Serena hoped that she'll make it before being caught because the adrenaline was soon running low. She hoped too soon when she felt arms wrapped themselves around her waist and was tackled to the concrete. Her and the person crashed to the ground and she tried to fight the person off of her, but she felt herself being slightly lifted up and then slightly slammed back onto the concrete again.

Serena got the wind knocked out of her as she groaned in pain after being tackled and then slammed to the floor. She swung her arms out in hopes it'll make contact with the attacker and it did. The person backed away from her to tend to his face after Serena blindly punched him in the cheek. Serena removed her hoodie so that she could breathed better and another friend of Minho's reached them first and realized that she was a female.

"Oh shit, Chris. It's a girl." He exclaimed in a shocked tone. "You just injured a girl."

"How was I supposed to know that, Changbin?" Chris retorted while casting a glance at Serena. "She was covered up and I couldn't tell."

The rest of their group of friends finally reached them with the female trio huddling over Serena while pulling her up into a sitting position.

"Serena, you good?" Jasmine asked first upon reaching her first.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Katherine asked while holding up three fingers on one hand.

Serena didn't replied to the duo as she reached into her hoodie's pocket to retrieve the iPad Mini and held it towards Melanie.

"Here."

"Thanks, bro." Melanie thanked her friend while taking back her device. "I owe you one."

"Boba and crispy chicken would do, but you're welcome." Serena informed her with a smile despite wincing in pain.

Just then Minho snatched the iPad Mini from out of Melanie's hand and she glared at him.

"Excuse you, but that's mine."

"If it is, then put in the pass-code." Minho replied with a smirk.

"I don't need to prove anything to you by doing that. Can't you see my friends and I try to steal it back so that I wouldn't have to do that?"

"She does have a fair point." Minho's friend, Seungmin, reasoned. "Besides, it's not even yours to take."

"Hey, you look familiar." Another friend, Jisung, suddenly let out upon seeing Jasmine up close. "Very familiar. Do we have classes with each other?"

"No." Jasmine denied even though the duo had like three classes this semester.

"Wait, wait, wait. They do look familiar now that I think about it." Felix, another friend, said as he looked at all four females while thinking. "I feel like we've seen them at that dance room we used with the others."

"Oh yeah, may be we've seen them in class, too." Hyunjin, another friend, exclaimed with a smile. "I mean, there's a lot of girls in my classes, but I know these four look very familiar to me."

"I dunno. I mean, do we really recognize people even if they look familiar?" The youngest of the group, Jeongin, wondered out loud while looking at everyone clueless.

"We have never met before. We honestly don't know each other. We also don't do any form of dancing whatsoever. We definitely don't have any classes or the likes with each other either. So basically, this is the first time we have ever met and interacted in our lives." Serena responded in a firm tone while standing up and going strong with her lies. "And now we're leaving. Bye."

"Oh, that's it!" Felix spoke excitedly upon remembering while pointing to Serena and Melanie respectively. "You're Eric's sisters! Serena and Melanie. I remember when I stayed over at your guys' house that one time like a few weeks ago. Wow, time really does fly by."

Felix then faced the twins and smiled at them while pointing to each one respectively while speaking. "And the twins, Jasmine and Katherine, who are also like older sisters to him. You guys were there, too. We had like a sleepover with all that inside camping thing."

"Fuckin' Eric, man." Melanie muttered. "He's so friendly and talkative."

"Of course Eric would be friends with one of them and we eventually get busted in the end." Serena mumbled in annoyance. "Dumbest shit ever."

"You know what, Serena, I blame you." Jasmine stated a second later.

"What? Why me?"

"If you hadn't suggested to go to the Masquerade Dance last night, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Excuse you, I'm blaming Katherine for that shit."

"What? What did I do?" Katherine asked confused. "I didn't even know about the dance until you said something, Serena."

“So Serena’s still to blame.” Jasmine mused.

"Not even. If Kat hadn't busted out with those fairy costumes I wouldn't have suggested in going to the dance in the first place."

"Hey. That's not my fault that you fell in love with the red dress." Katherine reasoned.

"That's only because Jasmine wanted to wear the purple one and you wanted the orange one. Of course that left me with the red one because Melanie doesn't like red and so she got her favorite color the blue one. That's how we ended up being fairies for the Masquerade Dance."

Melanie shushed them, but it was a little too late for that. The girls had just exposed themselves, well more on Serena's part than anyone else, and they were really hoping that neither of the boys would piece all the info together to realized that.

"Purple Fairy?" Jisung inquired while looking at Jasmine. "So that was you last night?"

"Yes. Now, how about we continued where we left off? Yeah?" Jasmine responded in a flirty tone while leaving Serena's side and grabbed Jisung's hand.

"Okay. That was like a one-eighty." Serena muttered.

The pair walked off and paid the group no mind. On the other hand, Changbin happily skipped over to Katherine with a boyish look.

"Hello, Miss Orange Fairy." He greeted her in a confident, but cute manner.

Katherine shot him a similar smile while also leaving Serena's side.

"Hello to you, too, Dark Masquerader."

"How about we ditched these guys and get better acquainted?"

"Totally."

The pair walked off hand-in-hand also not paying any attention to the others.

"The fuck just happened, bro?" Serena muttered more to herself than anyone else while watching her friends run off with the guys they were basically hooking up with last night. "This shit is so freaking weird and unexpected."

"So you were the Red Fairy?" Chris asked with a charming smile, but Serena glared at him while pointing a finger in his direction before talking. "Don't you start."

"Aww. I thought a third couple was about to successfully happen right now." Hyunjin interjected with a pout. "It was getting good since Chris wouldn't stop talking about the Red Fairy he had a thing with."

"Did I?" Chris asked with a sheepish laugh.

"This is not a dating show. It's college." Seungmin remarked with a laugh.

"What he said." Serena pointed at Seungmin before shooting Chris an annoyed look. "Also I didn't forget about how you basically beat me up not that long ago."

"Oh that's true." Jeongin remembered while looking over at his friend. "You did tackle her and then threw her down. I wouldn't want to date you either."

"Who said anything about dating?" Serena let out in an incredulous tone despite appearing flustered.

"What if," Chris began in like he was making a deal, "What if I was the one that owe you boba and crispy chicken instead?"

Serena was about to decline, but she went speechless instead.

Melanie chuckled as she nudged her sister before speaking. "I see that he got you there."

"Shut up." Serena responded while nudging her back.

"Ohh, ooh, I know, I know!" Felix happily piped up remembering something his friend, Eric, said about his sisters. "I think Eric said something like that Serena also likes cute things like stuffed animals and Rilakkuma and friends and similar stuff that would make her not hate you if you did her wrong."

"Eric needs to shut his damn mouth." Serena mumbled before looking over at Felix with a puzzled expression. "Why do you even remember these things?"

"I just do. Eric talks a lot."

"Yeah he does." Melanie agreed before lifting Serena to her feet while speaking to her. "Just go with Chris. I know you're dying to do so."

"I am not. I don't like Chris like that." Serena disagreed with a firm tone. "And I'm not looking into dating."

"I didn't say anything about you liking Chris or dating." Melanie confirmed with a smirk. "But now I do and I meant the part about getting boba and crispy chicken."

"Sure you do." Serena mumbled with a pout. "I hate you."

"Uh huh. Anyways, have fun you two, and take real good care of her, Chris!" Melanie exclaimed while pushing Serena towards Chris.

"I will. Thanks!" Chris replied as he offered a hand for Serena to take and she reluctantly took his offered hand with him leading the both of them off somewhere.

"So that leaves the two of you." Jisung concluded as he looked at Minho and then at Melanie. "I highly approve. You're a great dancer. Maybe even better than Minho himself. Anyways, c'mon guys. Let's leave first so that we're not looking like we didn't get chosen."

"I hope the fourth couple is successful, too." Jeongin commented with a smile. "It would be nice so that the older ones can have someone to take care of and leave the younger ones alone to do their own thing."

"Hmm, true. I absolutely agree." Seungmin agreed with a nod. "Maybe they'll stop badgering us to hang out, too, and I can just do my homework in peace."

"But love is in the air." Hyunjin reasoned with a pout. "I wanna see how they act around others that isn't us. I'm sure they have a different attitude."

"Let's just go before Minho attacks us or something because we're ruining his alone time with Melanie." Felix said with a giggle. "I can see his eyes starting to twitch and he's about to speak to us with his eyebrows."

"Ah right!" Jisung agreed happily. "Let's go and we can more info later."

The five males scattered off once Minho shot them a stern look, but the five boys were laughing as they ran away causing Melanie to watched them amused.

"So, you were my Blue Fairy, huh?" Minho asked Melanie to which got her attention.

"Your Blue Fairy? I don't remember belonging to you." Melanie informed him with a once over. "I'm pretty sure there were like other girls and maybe guys throwing themselves at you. There were other people in blue, too, y'know."

"Yeah, but none of them danced the way that you did that night."

"Oh yeah? All I did was just shimmied my way into your line of sight and you were already smitten? I'm touched."

"Well, I mean, I couldn't take my eyes off of you when you danced circles around me. Then when you ran away like Cinderella afterwards, I was crushed. Luckily," He held up her iPad Mini, "This gave me the opportunity to search for my Blue Fairy."

Melanie tried to reach for her device, but Minho moved it out of her reach.

"But who would have known that it was the quiet Melanie that always sat close to the door to make an escape when class was over."

"That sounds kinda stalkerish."

"I wouldn't say it's stalking, more like observing."

"Oh, yeah, okay. What else did you observed, hmm?"

"That you're left-handed like me, but not someone who's ambidextrous."

Melanie shot him a bored look.

"Okay, Minho, cool story, but can I have my iPad back. I miss watching my dramas on that."

Minho shook his head.

"I'll give it back on one condition."

She scoffed.

"What? Like a date or something with you?"

"You can say it's something like that."

"Why? You can literally date anyone on campus just like your friends, yet somehow we catch your attention and you wanna get to know us better? Not uh. I don't wanna be the fourth and final person to do so. I mean, the twins can since they're more out-going. As for Serena, she needs a life so that's also a different story."

"Who's to say that I haven't been interested in you before last night?"

"Is it because when we were partners earlier this semester I didn't drool all over you and we managed to passed the assignment?"

"No. It's when we started our first year together you threw a paper airplane at me with your number on it."

Melanie's jaw dropped upon that memory.

"No way. That was you?"

Minho nodded with a fond smile.

"You're lying and that wasn't me. I didn't throw the airplane. That was Jasmine to mess with me because she threw it upon the first person that walked up the steps."

Minho shook his head being all serious.

"I'm not, but you know, it was kinda messed up that you never replied back when I sent you a text to say 'hi'."

"Did you? Yeah, my bad. You didn't know this, but I had to get a new phone and number so I didn't know."

"Wow. You could have just told me."

Melanie cast him a weird look.

"How would I know that you were waiting this whole time to received a 'hi' back? I wasn't even the one that intentionally did that in the first place."

Minho was about to comment back, but closed his mouth while shooting her a smirk.

"What's up with that look?"

Melanie cautiously eyed him while taking a step back.

"Let me take back what I said earlier and make it on two conditions." Minho said while making a peace sign with his other hand that wasn't holding the iPad Mini.

"Why?"

"Because I wanna add something."

"Which is?"

"The first condition is that you go on a date with me. The second one is..." He trailed off to give it some suspense.

"Which is?" Melanie probed becoming a little impatient. "I don't have all day, y'know."

"You give me your new number and we can start over."

"That's kinda childish, don't you think?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. What do you say?"

Minho taunted her by holding her iPad Mini out to her and moving it back and forth.

"If I say yes, then would you give me my iPad before and after doing so?"

"After."

"Figures, but alright."

"Glad we can come to an agreement."

Minho fished his phone from his pocket, unlocked it, and passed it to Melanie to input her phone number.

"Is this how you normally get numbers?" Melanie asked curiously while typing in her number.

"No, but I'm glad it worked through you."

"Sure."

She handed him back his phone and Minho took it back while reading her information. A second letter, Melanie's phone went off and looked at the unknown number.

"I'm assuming this is you?"

"Mmhmm, but save my number as Handsome Prince."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I changed yours to Blue Fairy."

"That is so cliche."

Minho shrugged, but a smirk was still evident on his face.

"Fine."

Melanie did so and even showed him the proof. Minho smiled even wider.

"Alright. Are you hungry?"

"A little. Why?"

"Let's grab something to eat and then I'll return you your iPad Mini."

"Okay, but if the other couples are there I'm so leaving."

"Fine by me. Let's go."

Minho offered a hand out for Melanie to take. She glanced at it before placing her hand in his. Might as well go with it as it was already happening. Minho cast her a sweet smile before leading the both of them in the opposite direction than the other three couples had taken.

#staytheb #stray kids scenarios #lee know #lee minho

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thannxx · 6 years ago

Photo

BOOKSHELF REORGANIZATION.

I decided to do something productive on the third day of my Christmas break. It has been two years since I last cleaned and organized my shelves. It was not because I didn’t have the time. I just lost the excitement because of D.

Here’s a little background story.

I started reading and collecting books in 2012. Prior to that, I was an ultimate “book nerd hater.” My friends and I insulted book nerds. We condemned books and reading. We thought reading was for nerds, one thing we didn’t want to be called, and it was nothing but boring.

I grew up surrounded by books. I know, I know, ironic, isn’t it? My parents made sure my siblings and I grew up bookworms like they did. I learned how to read at the age of five and if I remember it correctly, when I was kid, I couldn’t sleep without reading a book or two. I don’t know what happened when I reached fifth grade. Perhaps because technology and social networking sites have become rampant that reading books became the bottom of my priority list.

Then one day, a miracle happened.

Summer of 2012, we just got back from La Union where we had a mini reunion during the Holy Week. One of my cousins asked if she could use my PC because she needed to download something for her project (she was an IT student, she’s a graduate now) and then we found out that our router was having a malfunction.

My dad promised that he would have it fixed right away, knowing us who can’t survive one day without Facebook.

It took PLDT two weeks to respond. By then we were more than bored. I was already cursing PLDT because my cousins were leaving the next day and there was no internet and I was dying of boredom. So my cousins tagged me along as they went to check on books at the local bookstore. They’re avid readers, you see. I was very excited not because we were going to the bookstore but because it was located in SM and strolling around the mall was a breather.

I didn’t end up strolling.

I ended up reading a book instead. It was Fallen in Love by Lauren Kate. My cousins read books for almost two hours and because they asked me to wait for them which definitely bore me the heck out of me, I had to grab a book and check it out as well.

That started my journey with books.

I then realized the book I was reading was part of a series and it wasn’t the first book. I searched the shelf and saw Torment, which had a similar cover, and thought of buying it as soon as possible. I asked my dad a day after if I could buy it and he happily said yes.

There you have it. I bought Torment by Lauren Kate. I was rather stoked to start reading when I got home. I even grabbed a pencil to mark the words I didn’t understand and even underline my favorite lines. My mom saw me and told me about her bookworm habits when she was a teenager. She said I inherited that habit from her. She used to read anything and marked everything she didn’t understand. That was how it enhanced her vocabulary and now she’s an English teacher.

It’s funny because Torment isn’t the first book either. It’s Fallen. I discovered it only when I was already halfway through the book. After Torment I went back to the bookstore for Fallen. Unfortunately, Fallen wasn’t available at the bookstore yet. So I had to wait. But since I had nothing else to do and I thought I enjoyed reading, I bought Vampire Academy instead.

From then on, I spend my summers reading books. Actually, not only summers. I buy books every time I have free time even on school days. I even got scolded by my teacher in high school because I was reading instead of doing our thesis.

Who would have thought that a book nerd hater like me would end up as one?

I now own approximately three hundred Young Adult fiction books. Yup, I’m one of those lucky kiddos whose parents support them when it comes to buying books. I also ran my own bookstagram in 2015 which inspired me to read and collect more.

My books became my life. I almost lost them all when I joined a Born Again Christian organization in college. The previous church leaders took the Bible too literally they made us think my books, which consisted mostly of angel-demon-witchcraft-stories, “are a doorway of the ‘enemy.’” [Yes, those were their exact words.] Funny that I almost believed them and was on the verge of burning my books. Thankfully I didn’t. It turned out those church leaders were actually inhumane, hiding behind the facade of the church.

MY FIRST EVER SHELF WAS ACTUALLY A LADDER which the interior designer painted black to go with my room’s theme. I kept bugging my dad to buy me new shelves as my collection grew. When we finally had the time, he asked his client to make me two huge shelves.

I gradually and painstakingly collected hardbacks. Back then, buying books was only for reading. But as my pile of books grew bigger, my desire to start a collection only intensified. My dad was actually the one who suggested I collect hardbacks instead. They’re quite expensive though so I’m planning to replace all my paperbacks when I’m already a lawyer.

I STOPPED READING AND COLLECTING BOOKS IN 2016 BECAUSE OF MY EX, D. I was still an avid reader at the beginning of our relationship but he was so petty he’d get jealous of my books. Yup, pathetic, I know. He loved movies and TV shows but I preferred books. So every time he’d watch, I’d bring out a book. But he would always grab the book and set it aside, insisting I should be spending time with him and not with my book. Added is the fact that I lost interest in my fictional boyfriends because I had my own boyfriend anyway.

I tried reading again when we broke up but I just no longer had the heart to.

My interest in reading fictional books was finally rekindled last November when my friends and I went to BGC as a sidetrip during our Bar Operations. I have been to BGC numerous times already but it was the first time I’m visiting Fullybooked. Lo and behold, the sight of V.E. Schwab’s A Darker Shade of Magic collector’s edition welcomed me. Once again I was pulled in my own reverie at the sight of books. I was very much amazed I kept squealing! And as if it wasn’t enough, Ellie, one of my fellow bookworms, enticed me to go and buy some. “Bumili ka na, ang tagal nanaman bago tayo makakabalik because Law school.” were her exact words. Demonyo talaga HAHAHAHAHA. So I bought three: A Darker Shade of Magic, The Raven King and The Crooked Kingdom.

The sight of the books, the excitement of buying them, of holding them, it was a familiar yet unfamiliar feeling. I don’t know how else I can describe the pleasure of holding my new books. All I know is, I’m finally home.

I’ve yet to post pictures of my second shelf. Coincidentally, my ipad ran out of battery when I was about to send the pictures to post.

#book collection #bookwormph #tantan

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truthofherdreams · 6 years ago

Text

life behind the camera (2)

also on ao3 + main instalment + outtakes

He doesn’t know how long they stay in the hot tub, loses track of time when Lara Jean’s mouth is on his. Might be minutes or hours, not that it matters much when he can wrap his arms around her and pull her in his lap, taste her mouth, thread his fingers through her hair. They kiss and giggle and kiss some more, whispering sweet nothings when their mouth aren’t otherwise busy. After weeks of pinning and frustration, it feels like heaven.

And then Lara Jean starts shivering, cold winter wind against her wet skin, until her teeth are shattering. She pulls him closer, as if it would help.

“Let’s go back inside,” he whispers to her.

She whines a little when he lets go of her and he knows that sound will follow him through his dreams for weeks to come. But he doesn’t let himself think about it too much as he jumps out of the hot tub to grab big fluffy towels inside and comes back jogging. He wraps her in one of the towels, a perfect little LJ burrito that he kisses on the nose until she giggles.

Then he’s pulling her inside, one arm around her shoulders to keep her close and share body heat at the same time.

They must have been in the hot tub for longer than he thought at first, because the entire cabin is silent, fire dying slowly in the fireplace and mugs of hot cocoa discarded on a table.

Peter leads LJ to his bedroom, but she tenses a little when they stop at the door, her eyes widening as she avoids his gaze.

“Just sleeping,” he reassures her. “Or cuddling. Whatever.”

“Taking it slow,” she confirms.

He doesn’t mind. He’s waited weeks for this moment. He will enjoy whatever LJ is ready to offer, glad and grateful that his feelings are finally returned, happy for his love not to be unrequited anymore. He could wait months for more than that, and be perfectly fine with it.

What he isn’t fine with is John’s shit-eating grin when he opens the door. “I’ll find somewhere else to sleep,” he simply comments as he stands up from one of the two beds in the room. He doesn’t say the I told you so, but the look he offers Peter as he leaves the room is pretty telling on his own.

Even LJ, queen of being clueless, notices. “He knew?”

“About the contract or about my feelings? Because yes to both.”

Her face does that scrunchie cute thing he loves so much, and it’s hard not to lean down and kiss her from how adorable she is. Until he remembers he doesn’t have to stop himself anymore, the no-kissing rule definitely is off the table, and so he does just that. Kiss her. And again, and once more, until she giggles against his lips and he swallows the sound. It’s already his new favourite activity. Fuck Youtube, that’s what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

“I may have told Lucas everything tonight,” she confesses once they stop for breath. She’s still pressing her forehead against his though, him leaning down and her on her tiptoes. Fucking best.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I mean…”

He doesn’t need to finish his sentence for the both of them to understand what he means -- Chris and Gabe will need to be told too, at some point. It’s a small miracle they went on with the contract for so long and only John guessed that something was off. Perhaps because they were so good at pretending, until they were not pretending at all.

The thought makes his heart race.

“Later,” she agrees with a small nod.

Later, when they will not be busy kissing and moving to the bed, and cuddling and kissing again. It’s well into the night when Peter takes his iPad out to watch The Golden Girls, and that’s how LJ falls asleep -- in his arms, completely at peace.

...

“I’m too old for this,” Lucas groans as he sits in one of the couches.

Chris follows suite, sitting by his side before she leans forward to grab Veronica’s hand and pulls her on her lap. Her girlfriend does as she’s told, not without a roll of the eyes. “You’re only twenty-six,” the gamer girl points out.

“It’s ancient in Youtuber years,” John laughs from his spot in the only armchair. Sitting casually, one ankle on a knee, he looks like the king of the internet. Which he might be, What with his newly-celebrated ten million subscribers.

Peter shares another couch with LJ, as he sits with his back to the armrest with her between his legs, her back to his torso. She’s wrapped in a powder blue sweater from Veronica’s new merch line, her recently-cut hair brushing against his cheek every time she moves her head. Her fingers laced with his on her stomach, and he’s the happiest of men, exhaustion from Vidcon be damned.

It’s been a hell of a two months, what with their tour followed by the convention, but it’s the good kind of tired, the one that settles deep in your bones and leads to long and well-deserved hours of sleep. Soon it will all over and they will go back to LA, to the house, to their routine of vlogs and editing. But, for now, Peter enjoys the life on the road with his friends, the closest thing he’ll ever get to being a rock star.

Well. Maybe it would be one step closer to being a rock star if they were actually partying. But, as it is, Lucas isn’t entirely wrong. The craziness of the past few weeks is finally catching up with all of them and, where they would party like there’s no tomorrow any other year, this year they are just chilling in their penthouse suite with their friends. Veronica, of course, now officially member of the Kavinsquad, and Simon and Bram, Dimple. A viewer’s wet dream, yet all they’re doing is chill and eat nachos.

“I met an eight-year old fan today,” Simon agrees. “SimonSays shirt and hoodie and baseball cap and everything. Eight! Young enough to be my daughter!”

Bram puts his hand on his boyfriend’s thigh, a faux serious expression on his face. “Babe, I didn’t know how to tell you…”

Everyone bursts into laughter at Simon’s dramatic face, even more so when he throws a tortilla chip at Bram, who catches it in his mouth. It’s all those little things that have Peter remember that enjoying yourself with your friends doesn’t have to always involve loud music, tons of alcohol and fuzzy memories. It can be just as simple as good moments with Hozier playing in the background.

LJ is getting sleepy in his arms, snuggling a little more into his neck, so he shakes her slightly to keep her awake. Leaning closer to her ear, he whispers, “Let’s go outside,” to which she nods a little.

She’s all mellow and sleepy as he pulls her up and into his arms, guiding her toward the door. John shares a meaningful look with Peter that does nothing beside set his stomach into knots of anxiety as he leads LJ down the corridor and toward the lifts.

She doesn’t protest until they make their way to the roof terrasse, and then she forgets to protest altogether. The fresh air finishes waking her up properly, and she gasps a little at the view offered to her. The whole city shines in the night, brights colourful lights that paint a gorgeous picture.

She leans against the railway, and Peter steps behind her to hug her, arms wrapped around her waist and chin on her shoulder. That’s the only downside of the past few weeks; they’ve barely managed to get a moment to themselves, away from the others. He’s all but moved into her house at this point, enjoying the intimacy of a place he doesn’t share with his best friends, relishing in having LJ all to himself now that Kitty has switched places with him.

“Can you believe it’s been two years?” she sighs wistfully.

So much has happened in only two years that sometimes Peter barely even remembers who he was before LJ entered his life. He sure can’t imagine a life without her now, when she’s everything, everywhere – the first face he sees in the morning, the first person he turns to when he has a doubt about a video, his last kiss before falling asleep.

“It feels like an eternity.” She complains a little under her breath, for the heck of it, so he leans over her shoulder to kiss her cheek. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.”

She does that thing she always does when he really touches her, that soft ‘oh Pete’ that is just for him but that has also generated thousands of comments on their videos. Lucas even says it’s their main ship tag on tumblr, whatever that means.

“Not even for fruitcake cookies?” she teases him gently. He doesn’t need to see her face to picture the amused smile on her lips.

“Not even… I mean, maybe one thing.”

He feels her confusion, even more so when he puts his hands on her hips as to turn her around so she’s now facing him. Her cheeks are red from the cold and the excitement of the day alike, her hair a mess, her eyes dark. She’s so beautiful, and she’s all his.

“We’ve been off-contract for over a year and a half now but… what if we signed a new one?”

Her face scrunches up, so very obviously confused at his words now, that she barely reacts when he takes a step back and reaches inside his sweater’s pocket. There’s a good ten seconds of nothing between the moment he drops to his knee and the moment LJ reacts, the longest seconds of his life. Just stunned silence, one hand against her mouth as she stares at him with the wildest, most surprised eyes ever.

Eyes that are quickly filled with tears then, when he opens the velvet box in his hands. John and he took hours picking it, something pretty yet small and discreet, something shiny but not too in-your-face. It looks perfectly her, like it was made with Lara Jean Covey in mind and nobody else.

“Lara Jean, babe… Remember last summer, when Kitty and your grandma were trying to teach me some Korean, and they explained the concept on ‘jeong’ to me? To be honest, I’m still not sure I completely understand…” She lets out a wet giggle than makes him smile in return, a huff of breath through the nose before he goes on, “but I think what we have is as close to ‘jeong’ as it gets. You’re my person, and you’ll always be my person. And I know how scared you must be right now. Truth is I’m terrified. But I want you to know you’ll never lose me. Ever. Because I love you, and I will always love you, and I want to be by your side for as long as you’ll have me. So, what do you say?”

She’s full on crying now, big tears rolling down her cheeks, so Peter stands back up to cup her face and hold her close. Her body is shivering with her sobs, but she’s laughing too, and for a moment there he’s afraid he lost her for real.

“You want to marry me?” she asks in between two hiccups.

She’s so fucking adorable, he can’t help but pull her into a hug and kiss the side of her face. “Yeah, even got a ring and stuff.”

Hysterical sobs turn to hysterical giggles right there, and he can’t help but laugh too. And hold her tighter. And kiss the side of her head again.

He’s the one to lose it when she says, “There’s no camera.”

“No, baby girl. Just us.”

“T’would have gotten so many views.”

He barks a laugh at the unexpected statement, at her mindset and how much she’s changed through those two years together. She used to frown at the blatant clickbait in his videos, and now she thinks about it during one of the most important moments of their life. Only Lara Jean…

“I don’t care about the views. I just care about you.”

She’s laugh-crying again, wet nose pressed to his collarbone when she whispers a small “Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes, Peter. Of course. Yes!”

He might be laugh-crying too.

#covinsky #covinsky fanfic #covinsky ff #to all the boys I've loved before #fanfic #ff: tatbilb #ff: do it for the views #REBLOG IF YOU CRIED

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