#my GO and Dr Who heart
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Sobbing at the school formal it's 20s themed and the band played Moonlight Serenade
#my GO and Dr Who heart#good omens#go s2#ineffable husbands#david tennant#Michael sheen#aziraphale#crowley#neil gaiman#doctor who#the ninth doctor#chris eccleston#rose tyler#billie piper#the empty child#jack harckness#russell t davies#moonlight serenade
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like the important thing you must keep in mind about ten when you see him do literally anything is that he's soooooooooo so so so bad at actually isolating himself from other people. so TERMINALLY bad at it. he thinks to himself "i don't need human connection because everything i do causes pain and destruction to those around me :(" but then he experiences a crumb of human connection and his heart starts to spill out of his chest
#tenth doctor#dr who#doctor who#yeah i say heart singular cuz he said 'i suppose they break my heart' in the next doctor and i have perma brain damage over it#btw. this is why him and martha in the first half of series 3 are Like That. he trusts her deeply but he also doesn't want to form#another deep emotional connection bc look what happened with rose! right! i think partially the reason why he#has his moments of opening up about his past is because he thinks 'well she isn't going to see me again after this'#'i might as well tell her if she asks. it may even scare her off'. this is INSANE. he is INSANE. and he is so fucking STUPID#fool! you are developing a connection with someone!!!!!!! not pushing them away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#look at what you are doing to martha's self esteem bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#10 era
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Fallout New Vegas DLC Sleeping Arrangement Headcanons:
After making my post about my thoughts on how the sleeping arrangement inside the Lucky 38 would work with all the companions.
https://www.tumblr.com/maddymoreau/747184690349342720/fallout-new-vegas-lucky-38-presidential-suite?source=share
I couldn't stop thinking about the DLC characters so here’s my headcanons!!
Honest Hearts:
The Dead Horses and The Sorrows are always courteous offering my Courier Six a bed to rest in:
When traveling with Follows-Chalk if it's too late to return to the Dead Horses Camp, they'll find somewhere safe to sleep. The plan is to have one guard while the other rests. However, they stay up wayyy too late talking. Follows-Chalk teaches her how to read stars while she tells him stories from her travels.
Waking Cloud wears and uses her Yao Guai Gauntlet as a pillow (it also allows her to quickly spring into action). She misses her children and as they're falling asleep, tells Courier Six stories about them.
Joshua Graham is usually the last to go to bed, so he'll sleep on whatever bed isn't taken (or the floor). I imagine he always sleeps on his back. Since it distributes the pain evenly instead of putting a large amount of pressure onto one spot.
If my Courier Six is also awake she'll say a prayer with him before bed.
If Joshua is up late working on inventory and my Courier Six is inside Angel Cave, she'll be lulled to sleep by the fire and noises he makes.
youtube
Dead Money:
You know how Dean Domino has secret stashes hidden everywhere? He also has hidden sleeping spots. Multiple pillows and blankets which he does NOT like sharing but will begrudgingly with my Courier Six.
Dean Domino has lived in the Sierra Madre the longest, which has caused him to become a light sleeper. He will always bitch about back pain, regardless if he's sleeping on an old mattress or couch.
Once, when traveling with my Courier Six, she got VERY sick and dizzy from the red cloud, forcing her to rest. Dean thought about ditching her (but couldn't with the whole "wedding rings around their necks" plus he wants to use her for protection). So he dragged her to one of his spots. When Courier Six woke up she thanked him and offered to keep watch, so he could rest as well, which he reluctantly accepted.
Courier Six is the only one he'll sleep around.
Christine has an extremely hard time falling asleep because she’s afraid she'll wake up in the auto doc.
My Courier Six offers to sit next to Christine, hold her hand and keep watch while she tries to sleep. My Courier Six's perception isn't high enough to understand Christine, but she can sympathize with how difficult it is to fall asleep in the Sierra Madre.
Dog and God sleep sitting perched up against a wall. Dog snores while God doesn’t. He's far too large to sleep comfortably on most of the furniture scattered around. Courier Six worries about him but can't convince him to sleep differently.
Old World Blues:
My Courier Six sleeps in the bed inside The Dome. However as she slowly begins repairing everyone inside The Sink (Muggy, Toaster, Jukebox, ETC.) it becomes harder to sleep in there. She also feels WAYYY too guilty about the idea of turning them off.
So near the end of the DLC after getting closer to everyone she starts occasionally sleeping inside The Think Tank. Specifically using the weapon trunk and table next to Dr. 8 as a makeshift desk.
My Courier Six has 100% woken up to some of them hovering over and observing her sleep 👁️👄👁️ (especially Dr. Dala).
After she peacefully resolved things with Dr. Mobius, before returning, she slept on his floor. Making sure not to sleep on or touch any of his notes. Despite this, she woke up with math equations written on her face.
She has no idea how he did that.
His humming and silly singing soothes her to sleep:
Lonesome Road:
My Courier Six is FIGHTING for her life in The Divide and sleeps whenever she can (which isn’t often). Ulysses is watching her from a distance and will also (sometimes) sleep when she does. Due to his past as a member of the Legion and a Courier. Ulysses is able to sleep easily in odd places.
ED-E watches over my Courier Six while she sleeps. Alerting her to any danger. However, until she falls asleep, ED-E lets her hold him like this:
It makes her think of home (The Lucky 38). Since that's how she usually sleeps with her ED-E in the Presidential Suite.
#I LOVE THESE DORKS!!!!! I HAVE SOOOO MANY HEADCANONS ABOUT EVERYONE!!!!!!#I COULD RAMBLE ABOUT EVERYONE FOR HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!#Also Dean doesn’t sleep around my Courier Six because he fully trusts her.#It's just because between her + Christine + Dog and God she’s the most cooperative. She doesn’t question or challenge his authority.#Mainly since my Courier Six is trying to be the glue to keep everyone together. So if he's going to sleep in front of anyone it'd be her.#Plus Dean is worried Christine will figure out it was him who put her through that hell and kill him over it.#He won't also trust Dog because they're working for Father Elijah. So Courier Six it is.#Old World Blues#Dead Money#Lonesome Road#Honest Hearts#Fallout New Vegas#Long Post#FNV#Long Text#MaddyMoreauPost#ED-E#Follows-Chalk#Waking Cloud#Joshua Graham#Ulysses#Dog and God#Dr. Mobius#Dr. Klein#Dr. Dala#Dr. 0#Dr. 8#Dr. Borous#Christine#Dean Domino
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It makes me so happy and soft that in the “What doctor are you?” Quiz on the Doctor Who BBC page when choosing a place to visit Sheffield appears.
They could have put any place 13 visited, but they decided to put the fam’s place.
Every other Doctor has a place they visited on an adventure but 13 has his family. Her adventure is always wherever the fam is.
#this is stupid but it made my heart a little brighter#like 13 will always go where the fam is 🥺🥺 where yas is 🥺🥺#doctor who quiz u can’t make me cry#this is beautiful idk I love it#doctor who#dr who#dw#the doctor#13th doctor#thirteenth doctor#yasmin khan#yazmin khan#thasmin#graham o'brien#ryan sinclair#the fam
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#T's “what did u call me? do u think whatever that is is hot? okay then good”#i love the tour pic above K!#and i love how they r still plucked abt not being in Dune2#K the avid winker...#its so cute how T is featured on this album of K's too😭😭😭#T wants to be left alone (on the phone) on her bday and K wants attention... well... ((once again relating to K))#T looked at Ks belly in a suprisingly like? soft way? idk i might have hallucinated that but who knows.#fuck whoever didnt visit K when she would have wanted them to.#its sweet how T visited her! (srsly cant u just communicate who wants what in this situation so its no suprise? ik its hard for them but😭)#T describing Ks party attending habits!!! they know each other soooo well🤭#aaagh how they have to act like they cant easily spend 2 hrs together having fun when they literally cant wipe the smiles off of their faces#(lesbians..... lovesick idiots.......)#oh they r always facetiming! so adorable :(#T was so excited that they r linked! like girl u do not need more confirmation for that research do u?😭#K watching the pod...... my heart......#why dont they just sit closer if they will reach across a whole fucking room to touch eachother?? like it sounds easier for me but u do u!#i really get a kick out of K mentioning TRHPS anytime she does it bc ik it was such a big thing in Ts life and ugh😭#constantly praising each other😭😭😭😭😭 what if i start sobbing huh#well maybe T is trying to get K to learn how to flirt so that she can practice on her? just an idea?😁#K putting her leg up on T?????? hi what? jist sit in the other's lap u creatures... its okay we can all look away for a sec if u need it...#their art! i fucking love it! both of it! its art at its finest🛐 and id kill to see a collection of their drawings bc cmon they r amazing!#its cute how they r talking abt smth and then they go “oh wait we were there together!”#its almost as if they actually spend time hanging out😱 (dont let the police know!!4!4)#“if we were on DR now-” okay but why r u still dreaming of that miss T?🤭🤭🤭 (who could blame her)#them watching the movies the other one recommends is the closest we can get to them watching an actual thing together (outside of NF)#also im so happy T spent time w K on her bday :(((#trixie mattel#katya zamo#tbatb#the brians
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grug need tgel
#IMSO CLOSE TO GOING I FEEL FAINT#its so crazy theyll literally prescribe it to me and ill start crying#my heart is beating so fast ive got sweaty hand good lord i need. Augh#be me. be transgender for years. unable to find psychs who speak english. too scared. find out you can get t from certain general drs.#get scared again. get too busy. waves of dysphoria and longing. cant remember the clinic name. check email. they sent an email about terms.#Its a sign its such a sign. im gonna barf
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dooooooble while watchin v3
#eggs can art#danganronpa#junko enoshima#makoto naegi#dont tag as ship pretty please#drthh#kinda#i unno close enough#yeah so like junko n naegi yeah#gonna put my rant about the “antagonist” character slot in dr games here#because I feel like rival fits better#and cause like#togami specifically feels more like a rival to naegi in dr1 in that they like. antithesize each other but in a way that compliments each#other. and like. I unno I feel like the role of Antagonist should be saved for the mastermind. the guy who comes in to fuck up every trial#doesnt want everyone to die or anything yknow?#sharp left turn Junko and Naegi are two sides of the same coin in my head and my heart#makes sense since they're hope and despair disrespectfully but like. even just the way that they view the world and other people#even when it comes down to the effect they have on people#Naegi inspires the rest of the survivor squad to keep going and hold onto hope even when facing the woman who ended the world herself#Junko literally turned a class' worth of kids into terrorists#and yknow *vaguely gestures at Mikan*
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i am feeling very apprehensive about it due to feeling Not Well (chronic illness style) BUT tomorrow i'm gonna pump up the tyres on my bike and do 5 very gentle non-out-of-breath-making minutes on my turbo trainer inside.... that is not even 2 songs' length i can totally do that and there is no need to be so so scared! If i can do it, then huge yippee and i can work on trying to hit a once a week routine, in which i can gradually increase the duration and intensity over time, and if i CANNOT. well then i know that i am not doing good which is also useful info to have and to tell my dr when i go soon (: I CAN DO IT!!!
#i used to do 5x 30 minute turbo training sessions per week and 2x 20 minute tai chi sessions for week at my peak as physical therapy#(i worked up to that under supervision from my drs over... a couple of years perhaps? from 1 minute every few days.#like FULLY cannot tolerate exercise without vertigo. to that) and THEN. my heart got messed up and i simply could not even do regular stuff#let alone exercise let alone cardio!!! rip.#also i knoooooow my bike needs servicing but i've fallen out of touch with my friend who was also my bike mechanic so :(#god what was the point here.#uh okay. so! i know how to do graded exercise pacing i am very practiced at it! i just want to be able to do it :P and it's scary to restar#because i did just feel so so ill to begin with and then stop after feeling less ill for a while because i felt so much worse! so to go bac#intimidating! but i can do scary stuff. 💪 including the scariness of accepting that perhaps i'm not capable of doing it. but i can try
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When I'm trying to remember when all this pain and stuff started, I read my old diary from middle and high school (there are several from after as well, I still add entries once or twice a year). its always interesting to see how it plays out. My biggest concern when I wrote was my mental health (ya girl was a train wreck), but you start seeing physical health pop up every few entries, then almost every entry. I never describe what's wrong. I usually just say "I'm sick again. I don't know what's wrong" or something like that. And I had a habit of going back to previous entries and adding notes. saw one next to an entry like that that just said "you're always sick' . you also start to see me talk about being exhausted all the time, too tired and struggling to make it through the day.
When it starts to get real bad, and my anxiety takes over, there's a lot of notes of me refusing to tell anyone, to ask for help, and saying the pain is normal and I'm just overreacting, calling myself weak. Things like that :/
There's an entry that says "I had to apologize to my body today. I don't know what I did to it to feel this way" 🙁
After that it seems like I start actually telling people, but I'm frustrated no one believes me or takes me seriously. and I start describing it more as pain and what the pain is and where it hurts.
The entries that hurts me the most though. Are the ones that says
"I still feel sick but I'm sure I'll be fine soon"
And
"I hope I feel better soon. I don't want to feel this way much longer. I don't know if I can make it"
Because I know its not true.
#the only time i describe something is that one time i passed out in the morning#that happened a few times after that and i still dont know what caused those fainting spells#also my note on that abt no ome believing me breaks my heart#in later entries after i start going to the dr as an adult i accept the fact ill never get better#and its a journey of acceptance from then on#also whew me in jr year of high school?#going through iy#ive never seen someone who needed therapy so bad#like my god girl#anyway im just venting and reflecting#i feel myself giving up on the chronic illness things in terms of getting a diagnosis or something#and i dont want to give up#its tiring after a while though
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I'm sorry for my posts today, I guess the stress from the entirety of September was piled too high and is collapsing onto my head. I'm just so tired y'all....
#the dentist office in town offers walk ins so i COULD go tomorrow but two peoblems#i cant afford to do a payment plan. after sending rent and bills im left with barely enough for any groceries needed.#i can get maybe 5 things if im lucky#also im scared. im scared to go alone. its too short notice to ask my friend to pick me up and take me. i cant do that to him.#so do i just wait until i can afford the 120$ insurance plan and risk the infection getting worse or spreading#or do i go and risk not beinf able to pay the bill and get into yet another debt#i dont think i even wanna do this for me#all i can rhink about is my niece and how is she supposed to have a good like when im the only one with decent credit#thst could get a house with a yard and her own room#whos gonna be the one to take care mom amd dad if i bite it yknow? because thats my biggest responsibility#taking care of two disabled adults bc one cant works bc hes legally blind and the other cant get approval to work from her heart dr#their ssi could decrease or lower at any point in time as demonstrated multiple times this year alone#so yeah im only doing the right thing and at least TRYING to see a dentist for their benefit and not mine#my benefit is i continue to live with slightly healither teeth? no because id rather let myself deteriorate into nothing#but i dont the choice because i have people depending on me financially and i cant fail because if i fail things worse for them#and if things get worse for them its just another one of my fuck ups#sometimes i wish i just burned in the house fire in 2008#talkies#vent
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#brother i am convinced i was not built to be alive#i was supposed to die at 16 of appendicitis the way god intended#everything is so stressful and i have an anxiety disorder and high blood pressure and zero support from anyone in my life#just me and my shitty trembling body against the world#ive been shaking and my hearts been racing and my vision has been blurry all day#im the only motherfucker here who bothers to clean or do anything to improve our living situation#ive been battling this flea infestation alone for months now#trying to get everyone to play ball long enough to flea bomb the house today was life on insane mode i am convinced#i had to bribe everyone into leaving by 11am by handing over my bank card so they could buy snacks while i went to my dr appointment#of course all the cleaning pre-bombing was done by me#i asked my sister to tidy her room and she did not so like whatever. if the flea bomb dodnt work in there like what do i even do#she actually waited until id cleaned every other fucking room in the house and then made MORE mess in those rooms#i asked my mother to do 2 things#she did neither of course <3#im so tired and in pain#and im pretty sure we are still going to have fleas anyway#im just one disabled man#i cant keep house for 5 other grown adults#what do i even pay my parents housekeeping for anyway?#dogbunni diary log
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i saw a post saying boom was good bc it feels like it could be done with any doctor/companion duo and honestly that was one of the things i felt was wrong with it
#in a show with a title character that could be Literally Anyone and a companion sharing the lead that could be Literally Anyone#i value the little moments that set this duo apart from the rest. ESPECIALLY when it comes to returning writers like rtd/moff#fifteen and ruby felt a little too eleven/twelve and clara adjacent in boom. in both their dialogue and characterization#space babies also landed a little weird at first bc it lifted a bit from end of the world BUT the scenes that fifteen and ruby#had to themselves. like ruby getting covered in snot and fifteen laughing. or fifteen and ruby looking after the Space Babies#or fifteen going out of his way to save the monster bc that monster is the only one of its kind Just Like Him Fr#that stuff is so good and its also something we haven't seen from another nuwho doctor. the vulnerable bleeding-heart empathy#and a dynamic w a companion that is basically 'two troublemakers that just deeply love fun and adventure and getting into trouble together'#oh yeah and also the devil's chord was peak fiction because it touches on fifteen's renewed connection and love for humanity#and marries it to ruby being a musician and how music like any art is the expression of the human soul etc etc#WHAT MAKES A DOCTOR WHO STORY GOOD TO ME IS PARTLY HOW THE PREMISE TIES INTO THE DOCTOR AND COMPANION'S CHARACTERS#IT HAS TO FEEL LIKE IT WAS TAILOR MADE TO THEM. ELSE IT WONT LAND RIGHT TO ME#i hate the take that they should've saved wild blue yonder for a fifteen episode bc#the tension is hinged on how well the doctor/companion know each other. u have a level of it that u can ONLY get#with fourteen and donna who are two halves of a whole soul but have also spent much more time missing the other than knowing them#im not rewatching fifteen's eps rn until a week later when i can watch it w my qpp but#rn i still feel a stronger sense of fifteen and ruby's characters from all the rtd-written eps rather moffat#which like. i get that a lot of that is my personal dislike of moffat's writing style but still#dr who#15 era#dw spoilers
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||. was browsing through tags of a comic thor post and found this beauty in someone's tags:
i love the acknowledgement of odin as a godking above father & how that’s hurt thor not just loki
obviously, I won't name the person's reblog on this blog but it's something I've always felt is largely true about the mcu odinfam situation, particularly where the father and the boys are involved.
Odin's parenting style (being strict, and the all-father above just a father), hurt Thor just as much as Loki. They were both hurt by their parents and especially in vying for their father's approval. (aka: his affections, because really any child desperate for their parent's attention, approval, pride is really just craving unconditional love.) People seem hard pressed to believe that this sort of pain was exclusive to Loki... which I fundamentally don't understand. (Need I remind everyone that Odin didn't just say "you're unworthy to call yourself a king and a hero bc you're being selfish in your ambitions"... which is true. He also got a good, walloping "you are unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed" TO HIS FACE before being stripped of his powers and banished to some backwater planet for an indefinite amount of time...)
The reality of the situation is Loki always had Frigga to lean on, confide in, and be in his corner. Even if it was off-screen, truth is that he told Frigga what he learned about being a Frost Giant the first chance he got. He confided in her his worry for Odin's health ("i never get used to seeing him like this"). She actively expresses support and validation in front of him in a way that Loki at least positively acknowledges even if he doesn't always receive the words, and while I don't believe Thor wouldn't have gained the same solace from his mother, I am of the opinion - based on (this deleted scene from "THOR") in particular - that she would give support in the same way she would with Loki ... and it never landed with Thor. Because Thor is not Loki. And Frigga doesn't always know how to speak to Thor so Thor can hear her.
So, really at the end of the day, whether it was true or not, Thor only had himself to emotionally rely on. Coupled then with being primarily under the express tutelage of an extraordinarily strict father who was priming Thor to uphold his own legacy, (apparently not be anything like Hela despite the two kids being polar opposites) and 'never seek out war but must always be ready for it' and then you get a sentiment that ultimately can be summarized in Thor's words at the end of Dark World when he comments his reason for surrendering his birthright of his own volition: "I would rather be a good man than a great king." (which, sidebar, but I am entirely convinced is Thor commenting on his father's way of ruling, his father's way of parenting, his father's way of being. And quite frankly, no, I don't think the real Odin would ever let Thor give up his birthright to go live on Earth when Odin is old, dying, and the whole of Asgard is primed and ready to follow Thor as their new All-Father.)
alt., in the words of comic!thor his (extremely mixed) opinion of Odin:
"A hard god, my father, but one who would move heaven and earth for his children. And did , quite literally, on many occasions. From Odin, I learned command. I learned the ways of the worlds and the godly arts of war."
#(not really a full meta or w/e bc one day i should really go through the entire 2 thor films and compile)#(all of my thoughts on every thor/odin interaction but tl;dr their relationship is a mess.)#( meta . ) — son of cosmos . lightning flows through thy veins .#my meta#(thor loves him and he wants to make him proud but he also wants to be nothing like him...)#(all because thor's instinct is to follow his heart - and odin's is to follow his head. those two things are at conflict with one another.)#(and yet despite everything thor is still that same little boy-)#(-who looked up at his father and saw this legendary hero. a true warrior. the pride of all of asgard who is a mighty hero and great king)#(who was able to keep bad people in line by being SO strong they were scared to oppose him and was still the wisest in all of asgard-)#((besides his mother))-#(because he knew better than to seek out war without a good reason)#(imo keeping true to that and adding in the element of ... //sighs loudly// h e l a -- means delving into thor's psyche and figuring out-)#(-at what point does his adoration of odin breed resentment and insecurity and subservience bc-)#(lbr it's all there. it's just not as loud as loki's literal crying and screaming about his daddy issues)#(which isn't shade to loki he just literally screams and cries about it. thor ....very rarely speaks his true heart about this topic.)#( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page .#long post#(sorry for not putting it under a read more folks but it's too important to me)
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THEY LOOK SO GORGEOUS AND SO HAPPY WELCOME BACK THASMIN WE MISSED U SM
#cant wait to hear themmmm#it will break my heart#but im so happy#there was a hole in my heart where thasmin was supposed to go#now it’s whole <3#my girlssss#doctor who#dr who#yaz khan#yaz x thirteen#yasmin khan#thirtheenth doctor#13th doctor#thasminnn#thasmin#thasmin is back
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say what u want abt my ex but we rly peaked going to a halloween party as kaneda akira (me) and shin dorohedoro (them). fucking nerds <3
#they made shins heart mask out of papier mache it was sickening..n i embroided kanedas jacket >:)#it was mostly an animation student party so a lot of ppl recognised mine but sadly not many ppl got theirs....#just remembering it bc reading dorohedoro n man shins design is so fucking cool#if we were gonna go again id do noi. regardless of the dysphoria LOL i reckon i could pull it off. i dont have long hair anymore tho#actually no thats a lie id do caiman bc itd be so fun to make his mask. maybe i should do that this year hmmm#itd be fun to give myself an event-based project. ive always wanted to make a mask for somsnosa hylics too#cuz shes my discord icon.... mmm much to think abt#ANYWAY#gonna finish reading.this chapter and then get dressed and make a start on chores while my meds r working#n then i have my med delivery around lunch n we're gonna watch othello this afternoon....#and after that we'll see. i should watch the new dr who ep this morning too looool#jittery with excitement for iwtv ep tomorrow muahahahhaahaa. crazy how they make shows which are good sometimes#.diaries
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I’ll never forget phoning my GP with symptoms of vitamin D deficiency, and her suggesting weight loss surgery instead
#oh you’re fatigued weak out of breath and have feelings of low mood?? let’s see if surgery to reduce your weight can help#I hate my local drs they don’t take me seriously and only see me as a person who needs to loose weight to be cured like#sorry my lack of vitamin D is from covid and not being a fatty fatso#I cried for like an hour and then had to go to work#my gran thought I was having a heart attack#take vitamin D guys or u might have to get ur stomach stapled !!
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