#muself a bit just a little
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Various silly’s and wips, going to a con this weekend and gonna give little majimir sticker to anyone who mentions my majima plushie❤️
#majima goro#goro majima#majima#yakuza#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#my art#I cosplyed majima in 2022 and gave little mini prints to people who talked to me about majima and it was so fun so AGAIN!!!#even though I’m not cosplaying#I was at a con last month with my majima plush in between my hoodie zip and so many people loved him I was so sad I didn’t bring anything#conductor majima because I’m going on a train for the first time in ages today and I also haven’t left my house in ages so I’m shitting#muself a bit just a little#will I survive#save me majima#wips#never have a brain good lord
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After having a sore throat for eight days straight I finally felt better this morning, only to develop a relentless cough. This is unfair!
#unfair I say as if I haven’t been over working muself#not snz#going to ramble in the tags a little bit#it started last Friday so I assumed that I was coming down with a cold#I felt like shit over the weakened but it was really just fatigue and the sore throat#cut to last week- three out of my four coworkers were sick#so I—the least sick out of them—had to pick up the extra work#which was fine because it was really just my throat that was bothering me. I had basically no other symptoms#I was tested for Covid and strep and both came back negative so I’ve kind of been at a loss#now I’m paranoid that the cough is something entirely new that I picked up at the doctors office#I feel like I just need a day to sleep#snz ramblings#snzblr#snz blog#cw illness#cw sickness#cw contagion
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but i have a homework due tomorrow afternoon that already got extended for a day but ive been working on it all week im not even halfway done and i literally don't understand
and i have a discussion session to prepare for tomorrow afternoon, at the same time
i'm okay with submitting unfinished homework but i won't be okay with not trying my best
also i need to submit my week overdue tax forms for my assistantship but for some reason i must decide on my retirement plan
like bro you don't understand you HAVE to decide your retirement funds for the rest of your syate employee career right this fucking moment
also i need to understand measure spaces or else i will fall behind in class and we haven't even had our first exam yet
i can't believe my schedule is so hard. i know it's supposed to be hard. i'm glad it's hard and i alrrady feel myself getting conditioned to holding myself up to this standard of academic/intellectual effort
with the goal of a phd i have already decided i am ready to spend the rest of my 20s in stuffy university classrooms being paid just the bare minimum just to think about mathematics
i really really like math
seriously i'm happy to give away my young adult life to mathematics
even if it is "low hanging fruit," i've always wanted to publish at least a little bit of research
i'm happy to put this amount of pressure on myself for the sake of experience changing me. i know that academia and the job market are very flawed. i'm aware of some of the flaws. the institution applies too much pressure but right now its only supporting the pressure that i was already seeking to apply onto muself
i want to achieve excellency and have my success reflected to me in the ways that i can see it
my goals always felt just out of reach. my whole life i feel like i was just passing by the bare minimum. is it really too much to hope for, that maybe i could achieve something that i think is truly amazing?
i think about everyone who dreamed as i do only to give up on their goals, and i think to myself:
i want good grades. i want happy students. i want to be excellent. i want to be excellent.
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guess who got to walk muself home!
40 minute walk there; wnd a 40
minute walk home...
the dude said he didnt wanna waste gas money- but didnt tell me rhat berore i got to the spot he said he'd pick me up so i just walked..
then!
he ordered water for me, because he said he was on a budget of sorts-
and i said in my head "well i'll just get this salad then! its like $15! thats not bad!! its not bad at all-" and i tomd him i wanted that, and when the waiter asked? this punk ordered me the appetizer version of it and it was $6.
and he goes "whats wrong? its literally the samr thing. just a bit smaller"...
please yall tell me if im being a bitch or not about it. but i just felt so damn stupid eating a little kids salad in a littlle little bowl while he ate his full on dinner all cause he wanted a date but didnt wanna spend money then i had to WALK HOME cause i for sure didnt wanna be inn a car with him
#vent#im sorry.. but yeah#he didnt even check if i made it home okay#or buy me little flowers for the date!#or even compliment my dress or me.. i complimented his shirt
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I forget how mich being trabs feels like this
Beacauss as cute fun ans pretty as i am i Hatw it all and i wish i was just some guy with brown hair snd a beard and a ween like i dont seem like i car that much the way i wear makeup and let my boobs out and dress Not necessarily masculine but its more like im working with what i have than not carinh about it. id rather be cute and pretty in ways i can than make myself look ugly just dfor the sake of a little bit of comfort And tbh if i do transition medically id probably dress tge same bwvause i do love what i have going on but i wouls also kill muself in the most violent way if it meant i had the slightest chance of being a regular boring cis man
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.
#brain...... is not doing good today#i forget how fragile i am#but im out of my mind thinking everyone hates me#like at the drop of a hat im ready to hurt muself over the stupidest things#things are just Bad lately#i think im losing my mind a little bit#sorry sorry#personal
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I have so many things I want to scream about, so many thoughts and feelings and I'm just constantly having to tell myself to push those thoughts down because I'll never win.
#toying with the idea of deleting my ao3#and my twitter's#maybe just start again#but i can't see muself writing any time soon#im a little bit lost#i lost friends#i dont feel comfortable on twitter anymore#but worst of all i lost confidence and faith in my writing#and that sucks
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‘Explorer’ Bag.
Hi Guys, I finally managed to find the time to build the ‘Explorer’ Bag. It may have been my hands that put this together but all Credit for the Original Idea and the Pattern goes to ‘Tony See’ at Dieselpunkro. He makes some amazing patterns and sells them at very affordable prices. Ok, lets go. First I bought the pattern from Dieselpunkro, downloaded it, stuck all the pieces together as required and then cut out and stuck to the 6-7oz leather I chose to use ready to transfer from paper to leather. You don’t want a thin leather for this that will just fall/collapse it’s shape, but you also don’t want it so thick that it’s difficult to bend cut and stitch. I also chose a Veg Tan and dyed it myself, more on that later, but you can buy a factory ready dyed piece if you so choose.
Pic 1 : Stick all the pattern pieces together as required to create the ‘full’ patterns, I use Decorators white / Cream paper tape, it doesn’t mark the leather to any great degree when you take it off.
Pic 2 : The patterns come in several pieces, this main boddy section pattern was in about three pieces but just stick them together as shown on the instructional video on YT.
Pic 3 : Here is the main body section after the pattern is removed, the holes are punched through the patterns before removal.
Pic 4 : Here you have one of the side psections with Pattern stuck to the leather with decorators tape and I used a 1.5mm hole punch for the stitch holes and a larger one ( what ever you feel necessary for your rivets to fit ) where necessary.
Pic 5 : All the patterns are treated the same and eventually you will end up with a big pile of cut out and punched pieces as seen here, there were 64 pieces here, the most I’ve ever done.
Pic 6 : Here are the same pieces all dyed ready to start the build. I decided on a Nice walnut color by Fiebings, I achieved this particular look by rubbing harder in certain areas as it was drying and then it was down to a bit of luck. At this point I could not know what the final look would be, but from past experiences I had a ‘hopeful’ idea. Once dyed I coated in ‘Tan Kote’ and wiped it off before buffing to a shine, this also added darker areas here and there.
Pic 7 : I started by putting together a side pouch so seperated the pieces of the two. I used a waxed thread and a saddle stitch, which was the stitch I used on all of this bag.
Pic 8 : Somehow I forgot to take pics of the first stitching, which was adding the side to the front piece of a pouch, you can see it through the back piece I’m about to start stitching here. this pic shows me placing the front and side section ‘through’ the hole to stitch the inner edge of the side piece ‘inside, there will also be another piece of leather going over the hole at the back, that makes three layers of leather to stitch through, hence why your hole punching should be done carefully and slowly, if all in their correct place they will match up and make for a reatively ‘easy’ (ish) time of it.
Pic 9 : seen from the back, the stitching joing the three pieces, the front and side pieces now being attached to the side panel and attaching the ‘back’ panel to fully create the pouch, lots of stitching on this Project and you might find your fingers getting very sore, I have a little ‘thing’ I now do which cuts down the number of times I have to pull the thread tight thereby reducing the strain on my fingers considerably. I now stitch forwards four holes pulling them in..but loose after the fourth is in I then pull all four tight, I find It saves my fingers ...oh also, don’t pull so tight like you are trying to strangle it...with all those stitches....’it ‘will’ hold, believe me.
Pic 10 : The pouch is now attached to the actuall ‘side’ section, well...’one’ of them, remember you have to make two of them. You can see the ‘flap’ sitting on top waiting to be attached, if you zoom in you can see the holes in a line where it will attach to.
Pic 11 : Holding in position to test fit.
Pic 12 : Here you can see the process, it always seems, no matter how deep I sink the 1.5mm punch for the stitch holes I still have to push an ‘awl’ through each one to open enough to pass the two needles more easily.
Pic 13 : Ready for the next step, attaching the pices that will hold the D’rings for shoulder strap attachement and attaching the fasten strap and Buckle. Here I’m rubbing hard to darken at the ends, just my touch, if you are making one..it’s your project you go with your own ideas.
Pic 14 : Both side panels with pouches now ready to stitch the small inner flaps that will prevent things from falling out of the main bag.
Pic 15 : I attached the small inner flaps to each side pouch section using a Saddle stitch.
Pic 16 : I next stitched ( Yup...I said there was a lot . )...the ..errrm, not sure what this bit is called so just for the purpose of moving forward i’ll call it the ‘skirt’ piece...So, I stitched the ‘skirt’ piece to the outside of both side pouch sections as shown here.
Pic 17 : Ta daaa..looking great. Very impressed with how the color looks, I love the ‘aged’ look on leather.
Pic 18 : An extra pic to show it going all the way around and to prove it was my sore hands that did it..hahaha.
Pic 19 : Next I cut the zipper to the required length, glued it into place trying to keep the zip central and then punched stitch holes all around it. I have found, that after marking the hole for the zipper that once cut it leaves very little of the edge of the zipper to attache to the leather...it’s very close to the edge, so I now try to cut the zipper hole less wide than what the pattern says, I find it easier to attach it and punch the holes with more material under and around it. But you will find your own way with it as I have done, if my tip helps you then that’s great.
Pic 20 : As well as the contact cement I used to stick it in position I’m also using a saddle stitch and stitching around the zipper for extra strength.
Pic 21 : Done, the zipper works fine.
Pic 22 : Now I’m attaching two of the ‘four’ Handle strap holders with D-rings., you can see the positions for the other two on the left.
Pic 23 : After adding my ‘Sharman’ mark to the inner back piece I stitched it in place to finish the creation of the zipper pocket.
Pic 24 : Whilst stitching the back to the zipper pocket I had the other side flapping around everywhere so had to get creative and here’s how I resolved the problem, I tied string around the other flap and threw it over a beam in the work shop...worked a treat.
Pic 25 : All four bag handle connectors are now in position as seen here, stitched and rivetted. I’ve chosen to use the Antique rivets, buckles and D-rings for this project and it seems to suit it very well.
Pic 26 : Next I fitted the inner bottom strengthener piece.
Pic 27 : I used Elmers rubber solution glue to stick the bottom strengthener into position so that I could adjust it if I needed to whilst stitching, as it turned out the holes had lined up really well and the job went smoothly.
Pic 28 : All stitched in,ready to move forward. Incase I didn’t mention it already I also dyed the flesh side of the leather, the walnut gives it a nice look I think.
Pic 29 : I added rivets too, there’s no chance of this coming off, it’s glued, stitched and rivetted with x4 antique rivets.
Pic 30 : Now I had to put together the outside pouch which will be on the front below the main flap, I did it the same as the side pouches, attached the side to one edge then attached the buckle systems as shown here, after that I stitched the other edge ‘through’ the hole and stitched it underneath to the inside edge at the same time attaching the back section which will finish the creation of the pouch.
Pic 31 : Attaching the pouch to the front of the main body section. The following pics from 32 to 39 are extras to show the stitching a bit closer.
Pic 32 : the reason to stitch the edge on the inside is to give a much smoother look along the edge when completed.
Pic 33 : having to use a stitch awl to widen each hole slightly, I stabbed muself more than a few times, so many that I had to wash my hands and coat in antiseptic cream each night. All that ontop of arthritis and carpul tunnel issues, sometimes it can be a little hard to manipulate the needles, but...if at first you don’t succeed ehy.
Pic 34 : you can see the three layers here the outer, the gusset tucked under and the flesh side of the ‘backing’ piece.
Pic 35 : showing the spike (Awl) that keeps stabbing me.
Pic 36 : Needles come through fine now.
Pic 37 : Another view of the whole thing. It’s starting to make me believe I can actually do this if I just keep going.
Pic 38 : Pouch attached.
Pic 39 : View of the bottom section now strengthened. I decided later to add some metal ‘Bag feet’..not part of the plan..but Didn’t want to do all this work just to have the bottom get scratched up without at least trying to prevent it. I’ll show that at the end.
Pic 40 : I then realised, I wasn’t quite done with that as the inside backing piece had an ‘outer’ line of stitches as well, as seen here, but if you are someone that gets frustrated easily I would find another hobby, by this point I had been making this for two weeks because real life kept getting in the way and stopping me, very frustrating but hey..what can ya do except suck it up and keep moving forward.
Pic 41 : People wonder why they have the holes so big..well the good thing is they allow two needles to pass through smoothly, if you are doing hundreds of stitches you really don’t want them getting snagged all the time, but anyway not to worry because once done I either lay it on an anvil if it will fit or put a small anvil under it inside on my hand..and tap with a carpenters hammer gently flattening all the thread and closing the holes a bit more. I always tell people, there will always be a point where you will think something bad about the job you are doing...don’t give up, keep going forward and you will be surprised at just how good it ‘ will’ look when ‘Everything’..all the polishing and treatments etc are completed. remember, until it’s fully completed it’s just a W.I.P. ..a work in progress so don’t judge it until it’s done.
Pic 42 : The front pouch fully attached.
Pic 43 : Here I have sat the side section in place whilst I begin to stitch it to the main body.
Pic 44 : Same thing ..another angle.
Pic 45 : attaching side panel..Other angle.
Pic 46 : First side panel attached fully to main body.
Pic 47 : Other side section ready to fit. The colors are not really as different as the lighting makes them look check out pic 48 for what it really looks like.
Pic 48 : halfway there.
Pic 49 : Clips come in very handy at times like this, the section itself is wanting to fall all the time, ..problem solved.
Pic 50 : Using the Awl to widen the hole, not fun when it catches you...but all part of the game.
Pic 51 : Done, both side sections now firmly attached and the whole thing is starting to come together.
Pic 52 : Now it needs the main flap, but that needs some work first.
Pic 53 : Different angle.
Pic 54 : View of the back and the zipper pocket.
Pic 55 : First I had to attach the closure straps using rivets (Double Cap, you can use single cap but I prefer double.) I also stamped the ‘Shaman’ Mark on the Leather label then riveted that to a back piece and stitched that to the front edge of the main flap as seen here, now..we’re ready.
Pic 56 : Again I used a saddle stitch for extra strength, once at the other end ..just because I wanted to...I came all the way back again, no real reason to do that, it’s perfectly fine without the extra, but I ‘m keeping this bag and I wanted it, so I did.
Pic 57 : main flap...Attached.
Pic 58 : Main flap rear view.
Pic 59 : Angle shot shows how well all the colors have matched.
Pic 60 : Now I have to make x2 bag handles.
Pic 61 : Using the saddle stitch. All you need to do here is stitch all the holes together pulling the two sides together as shown and make two of these.
Pic 62 : Connect the bag handles to the D-rings as seen here. I used rivets to fasten them on.
Pic 63 : I attached the clip end sections using rivits and stitching to the main shoulder strap at either end, then the clips were attached, again using rivets.
Pic 64 : Attach the shoulder strap to the side rings.
Pic 66 : As I said earlier, I attached ‘Metal bag feet’ to try to avoid damage to the base from dragging, might not stop everything but should help and looks good I think.
Pic 66 : And we are done. This took me four weeks in the end, but we’ve had a lot of ‘Life’ getting in the way. If I had nothing else to do but this I reckon I could do it in about a week to ten days. I wouldn’t recommend this particular project to a beginner mainly because of the expense, I wouldn’t practice on this one. But there are many more projects out there online and if it suits you to do so you could visit my Blog ‘A Journey into Leather Craft’ and check out my archive, you’ll see the things I’ve made from the very first knife sheath to this amazing bag. I can’t believe I made this, Just shows you never really know what you can do until you try. I look forward to the next project, hope you will come back and check out the next one. To all those who have followed my projects for a long time thank you, hope you enjoy them and hope I have inspired some of you to give it a go yourself. If you are new, thanks for stopping by for a look, hope you liked what you found and hope you will also come back for the next one, maybe tell your friends about my blog, I’d appreciate that. Until then, as always, stay safe and to all the makers out there, Stay Crafty.
#leather#leather craft#leather bags#hand made#hand made goods#posh bags#expensive bags#expensive goods#hell yeah
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Title: Echoed Vexations (Part two)
Fandom: Hermitcraft
Rating: Teen and up audiences (violence warning)
AO3: here! (Full story at once)
•••
(PART ONE)
Beginning, summary, and warnings can be found there. Story continued under the cut.
•••
He regretted it instantly.
Catching sight of the white abyss behind Their eyes, the sanctions of his mind found themselves entangled in the monster's clutches. They weren't physically there, but he could feel them all the same-- tendrils like snakes burrowing into his brain, parasitic vermin that rooted themselves into his very core with a vice-like hold. He'd thrash, or fight, but that only ever ended in the pain spiking from a ten to an eleven, proven by the past, and again by Cub's screams of anguish as Scar barely bit back his sobs.
His thoughts echoed in his skull, looping over themselves as the Vex listened in like safe-crackers. He wanted not to think, not to have a single notion cross his mind, but an infinite number of processes scrambled through at once no matter what he tried.
Not being able to defend himself against such beings was humiliating in its own right. Rationally, he knew They were far more powerful than the average human, and a group of Them was nothing to sneeze at when they got serious. The Vex were a corrupt and cruel species who enjoyed little more than acquisitive riches and making others suffer, but as much as he was aware of that, it didn't make being beaten down by something an eighth of his size any less demeaning.
With that train of thought, Scar's auditory input from the outer world was replaced by ringing-- blood seeping out from his ears and from his nose not long after. The taste of copper was bitter on his tongue, mixing with the salt of tears and bile that had risen in his throat.
We're nothing but small, cruel, and materialistic? The concordats forget themselves so...
They will learn from this, mistakes make for better humans.
I think they've forgotten who they belong to.
He dared to think he didn't belong to Them, that he was his own, not even of his own accord, and still his air was cut off. His arms gave out next and he crumbled to the side, gagging on red and trembling as waves of pain crashed over his body. Scar gasped, but his lungs refused to fill, leaving him grasping at his throat and pleading internally.
Do you remember now?
One of Them, or maybe all of Them, had asked.
Do you remember our deal? Do you remember the emblem we burned into your skin when you agreed to join us?
I remember, he begged in his mind, I remember. I'm sorry. Please don't kill me, I'm so sorry. I belong to the Vex. I'm sorry.
Horrid laugher overtook his senses, and a feeble rush of air filled his chest before his consciousness began to fade.
You will never escape us.
They finalized, and his world went dark like the drawing of velvet curtains.
------
Back in the present, flashes of that day and many others raced through his head as if to mock his phobia of thinking itself. It was almost akin to watching his past unfold in third person, like he'd been detached from his body during the events. Bleary yet potent reenactments of metal patterns searing his flesh, of his bones shattering, of gashes and bruises and the life fading from his eyes. All the times he was made to expand their trade, slaving endlessly until his hands were stiff and immobile from overuse, but it still not being enough for Them. Annexing the rest of the industry, becoming number one, having two humans as their play things. Nothing was, or ever would be, enough for the Vex.
Scar's nails raked up his arms as he tried to feel anything other than Their coils invading his brain, doing all he could to reason with himself that they weren't real, for the logical part of him knew they weren't. His hands grasped for the brand ingrained into the flesh of his shoulder blade, fingers feverishly grazing over the risen tissue to find the divot and remind himself that the seal had been severed. His time with them was over. The symbol was broken.
"I'm- I'm safe..." he recited, "I'm away, I'm free, I'm okay…"
The words were more of a finding of his voice than a real reassurance, and Scar fumbled to pull his communicator from his pocket, aware of how much he needed to contact a proper support system. Tears blurred the screen, making the already jumbled letters more difficult to make out, but he managed to gather the necessary information.
He could call for Cub, but the man was away, and even if the notification were to alert him, such an event was likely to jump-start evocations of his own traumas.
Xisuma was available, but he didn't want to pester the already busy admin with his troubles anymore than he'd had to before. The kind man had already spent countless time and energy ensuring that they were all safe inside of the world barrier; a field in which no Vex could enter on Their own, nor abuse Their power if They were to be deliberately summoned by a rogue party. Admin magic, he was thankful for it to the nth degree, but he currently needed a real person in his presence more than anything.
Scar scanned the remaining names on his monitor. There was only one other Hermit who knew about what he'd been through, and he was practically imploring him to be around.
Grain.
There he was!
Scar would've sobbed in relief weren't he already weeping, left struggling to type out a private message to his friend.
<GoodTimeWithScar> Grian are you avaiavble?
<GoodTimeWithScar> i need your help, i'm at Mumbo's base
<GoodTimeWithScar> my base? i don't know, the monument
<Grian> sure am! whatcha need help with?
Scar's thumbs danced awkwardly above the keyboard, grappling with himself over what to say. It was always a struggle to express his troubles in the midst of panic, especially when doing so was a part of the problem. He knew he didn't have to go into depth with the other Hermit, however. That was another benefit of them being aware of one another's history; they didn't need to spill their guts in order to receive a helping hand.
<GoodTimeWithScar> i just need someone here
<GoodTimeWithScar> i can't seem to calm muself down right now
<GoodTimeWithScar> or type out messages poperbly it seems?
<GoodTimeWithScar> haha dang
<Grian> i'll be right there
<Grain> i'm at zedaph's cave, so the distance is a little further than usual, but you know i'm a fast flier
<Grain> so just hang tight, scar
<GoodTimeWithScar> i'm not going anjwhere
Scar dropped his hands to his side with a shaky breath, flinching when a sudden softness brushed against his hand. He glanced down only to see a concerned looking Jellie, the cat purring softly and nuzzling his arm. He cracked a feeble smile and reached out to pet behind her ear, her very presence providing a degree of comfort.
Much to his surprise, it truly wasn't long before the telltale beating of wings thumped through the air, Grain landing expertly in the grass and folding his feathered pinions snug behind his back.
"Scar?" he asked, cautiously approaching the other man.
Scar looked up to him, managing to raise a hand and wave as a greeting. Still wrought with trepidation, his shaking arms were scored with scratches he'd unconsciously inflicted while attempting to ground himself. Tear tracks lined his cheeks and his hair had become an unkempt mop, but he'd pulled through the worst of it.
"Oh, dude…" Grian said sympathetically, stepping over the rest of the way and crouching by his side. "It's alright, I'm here."
He nodded slow, "Thanks, Gri…"
The avian returned the nod and extended his hand, allowing Scar to take hold of it as a reminder of his security. "It's no problem. I see Jellie showed up to help, too."
"Yeah," Scar chuckled humourlessly, "She can always tell when I'm upset…"
"She's good like that," Grain confirmed, earning a well timed meow from the feline beside them.
They both let out a small laugh, Scar's being far weaker but present nonetheless.
"How about we get you away from all this noise and take care of those scratches?" Grain asked, and the other Hermit nodded again.
He helped Scar to his feet, leading him away from the distant thundering of the base's heart. They departed from the heights of the ruins, Grain ushering Scar to settle down against a tree once they were out of earshot of all the clamour.
"Let me see your arms, 'kay? I'll fix them right up."
Scar held out his scored arms after a moment of hesitation, finding them still stinging with the red drag of nails.
Grain produced a potion and gauze from his inventory, pouring the thick blue liquid onto the cotton before dabbing it across the irritated skin. A cool numbness spread over the area, and Scar relaxed at the alleviation of his symptoms. People often overlooked Mundane potions due to them having no official use, but anyone suffering from a mild ailment could tell stories of just how practical its effects could be. From soothing scrapes or minor burns, all the way to settling stomach aches or migraines, they could work little wonders. A Mundane potion for mundane problems.
"Better?" Grain asked.
"Much… thank you. Sorry for making you fly all the way over here."
"No, no, don't apologize, it's no big deal," he assured, motioning to brush off his concerns. "I needed to get out of that cave anyway. Not to bash on Zed's decorating skills, because the gadgetry is amazing, but the rest is all nonsense and greys and belch-- it was making my head spin."
Scar nodded, but couldn't help the guilt that crept into his chest, eyes darting to the side as if in anticipation for the hostility he sensibly knew would never come.
Grain smiled tenderly and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "I mean it, it's no trouble. Besides, you'd do the same for me. Geez, man, you have!"
"I guess you're right," Scar agreed, turning once more to face the winged man. It wouldn't be the first time either Hermit had coaxed the other down from a panic, for not only had Grain been there for him in the past, but vice versa as well.
Most recently, he could recall, someone had led a bundle of animals into the blond's mansion as a prank. Such a feat was usually harmless fun, as was the case with the challenges they'd created wherein a herd of chickens were set loose in the same manner. The problem, however, arose when the trickster wanted to break the chain of stunts involving birds, and instead released a colony of rabbits into the manor's grounds. It was intended to be innocuous, but to say it hadn't ended well would be making a molehill out of a mountain.
Mumbo and the baffled prankster themselves had immediately volunteered to clear the animals from the house, whereas Scar stayed with Grain at the man's starter base until the mansion was deemed clear, and he was able to find resolve. It had been a long day for them all, but Grain especially. He'd mostly adapted to seeing hares in the wilderness, but finding himself in an enclosed space with dozens of the creatures sent him spiraling. Scar had been told tales of a man named Sam; a heinous individual with ears of a rabbit, who despite the innocent appearance, caused Grain immense suffering.
He's from a chapter in my story that I'd much rather leave behind, Grian once said, I have a far better future to write now, anyway.
That last line always stuck with Scar, no matter how much time passed after he heard it. There were brighter eras ahead, they just had to move forward and stick around to see them. In the end, he of all people could respect wishing to leave one's past as just that. The past. Even so, he'd probably still deck that Sam character given the chance.
"Of course I am," said Grain abruptly, and Scar blinked back to the present after an internal game of catch-up to remember what they'd been speaking of to begin with.
Nodding and smiling faintly, he asked, "So, what are you doing for the rest of your free time?"
The Brit grinned in turn and ruffled his wings, "Well, my schedule is actually rather jam-packed. I'm spending the rest of the day with a friend who's in quite the pickle."
Scar raised his eyebrows, pointing towards himself, "Is it me? Am I in the pickle?"
Grian laughed, "Yes, my briney bro, you are. And I'm determined to stay by your side until you're feeling better again."
Thankful, Scar smiled as well, knowing it would do no good to feel remorseful for taking up his companion's time, or to try and convince him he would be fine on his own.
"Thank you, Grain," he said truthfully.
"Anytime," he replied, "Now let's find something nice calm to do."
"Now those are words I never thought I'd hear you say."
The two chuckled and made their way off, ready to waste the rest of the afternoon in a mellow rhythm to starve off any further panic. Scar knew he'd likely feel off for a while, not fully himself again until at least the following day. The lingering tension of his episodes always latched to his nerves and left him on edge, but he knew the company of an understanding friend would lessen the blow. They'd spend the coming hours in a tense yet manageable tandem, and to some degree, Scar could accept that.
He was still learning to trust the fact he was safe, no matter how much he already wished to embrace his freedom with open arms. Eventually, one day, maybe, he could believe it entirely, or at least to more ample extent. Until then, it was gradual steps forward on the road to recovery.
Grain skipped beside him, cracking light-hearted jokes laced with reassuring phrases, all made to help lift Scar's aching mood.
Wherever it was that road led, however, at least he wasn't walking it alone.
[END]
Comments are always greatly appreciated! More than you could imagine, in fact! 💚
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Bourgeoisie
Ace x Y/n . Luffy . Sabo
Here's a little un-edited dribble I made while at work. (Lmao just when u thought i was done with the birds. I wasn't)
Summery: in which Sabo's brain melted after finals, Ace is immune to the cold. Y/n just wants sleep and Luffy comes back from the dead. (College au, NOT wt the current series im working on. They're all in their 20s)
On what should have been a quiet and peaceful night in the comfort and warmth of our beds we stood, instead, outside on the freezing winter snow without knowing why. Though, to be honest, what concerned me the most was that out of the four of us only one chose to ebrace the inhumanly winter frost by wearing shorts and a T-shirt.
"Ace, why did you go out dressed like that?" I asked the child besides me. "I'm n-not cold," his tone was a bit deadpanned, but the constant shivering made it aparrent he was just trying to save face.
Don't confuse these antics for pride, he's just too stubborn to go back inside for something more sensible.
Sighing heavily, I hugged him to keep him warm. "Dummy."
"Oi, I said I wasn't cold," paying no mind to his half hearted protest I nuzzled closer to him.
"You are a dummy, dummy." Luffy sleepily chimed in from the spot on the floor he was currled into a ball in. "Shut it." Ace gave him a little nudge with his foot that was originally meant to hurt him but it lost its stregth befor it even started.
Moving back a bit, I looked over to the mumbling lunatic responsible for giving us frost bite this late at night. "Now that you've gathered us all here, mind telling us why?"
"Right!" Sabo straightened up his posture, "you see that bird up there?"
"... Bird?" All three fo us said in incoherent unison.
"Yes! The bird!" Picking up a rock, he attacked the bird's nest in the tree several feet feom us.
"What about rhe bird?" Ace shot me a concerned glance.
"I've seen that bird at least eight times this pas week!" Standing there with a crazy look on his face, Sabo opened his arms wide as if his movements would help add urgency to his words.
"And...?"
"-And that's strange!" Sabo went to throw another rock, " it doesn't leave me alone! Obviously it's spying on me or something!"
"It's probably not the sa-" Sabo cut Ace off, "it is and I know it!"
Luffy chuckled to himself before pitching in his two cents, " spying bird, like the boogie-zee..."
"Boor-Zhua-zee" Sabo corrected him.
"Buger-zee"
"No, I-" Pushing muself away from Ace, I went to cover Sabo's mouth with my hand. "SO YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT YOU BROUGHT US OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FOR A BIRD?!" Quickly I bent down to grab some snow and made a snow ball. "You don't get it! The bir-"
"What was that? Couldn't hear you over the stupid!"
"I'm being serious!" Sabo threw one back at me.
Magically coming back from his dead state on the floor, Luffy shot up fully energized. "Snow ball fight!!"
#did you know that where I live we dont get any snow?#the most that weve gotten is a thin layer of it#it has only happened like 4 time in the 16 + years ive lived here#even then it was more like frost on the ground#more dirt than snow in the snow balls lol#anyway 'off topic' if u havent guessed one of my gavorite tropes is when luffy mispronounces things#i just find it funny what he comes up with#one piece#one piece ace#portgas d. ace#monkey d. luffy#one piece luffy#one piece sabo#sabo the revolutionary#revolutionary sabo#i thought about adding more characters but gave up on that real quick lol
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I WANT U TO ANSWER QUESTIONS 14 THROUGH 50 FOR THAT ASK THING, OR IF THATS TOO INSANE A NUMBER JUST PICK SOME RANDOM ONES, IDK BUT I LIKE READING YOUR ANSWERS SO IF U DID ALL OF THEM I'D THINK THAT WAS GREAT anyway idk why im yelling now get 2 work
ALLISON WTF?????????????????? THATS 37 QUESTIONS IM LAUGHING SO FICKING HARD FGKSHSDUDUFUDUFIFKGIGIFIFUCUAGSGDHFJFIFJDJSJSUSJIVJCIHXHOXHCHXIGXYSYYDJFLKFDKFAKFAKGZZG IM GONNA DO IT HANG ON
(It was supposed to be 37 questions but i skipped the ones i had already answered, okay?)
16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?
Not at all 😩 i have no talents, babe
18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?
im a leo, and i dont believe in astrology, but sometimes i can relate to my sign
19. Favorite old film?
Old films are really not my thing BUT i really like scary movie 1 and 2, and the exorcist (those were the only old movies i could think of im sorry shakshskshsj)
20. What’s your hairstyle?
ugh okay its curly and brown and very short and it needs to be stopped
21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?
I really like when its sunny with clear skies but like, its not awfully hot, its just, nice
22. What upsets you most about the world?
Lots of things upset me, but two things upset me the most: how much prejudice there is, and how unfair the world is!!!
Like, sexism, homophobia, racism, thats so fucked up and some people actually agree with it??? lik what the fuck? how can you hate someone just for being different than you? and sexism is just so bad bc we’re so used to it that we accept all kinds of stuff bc its just normalized to us, you know? We accept men acting like shit and we agree with them and support their behaviour bc we learn that way, that men can be shitty and they dont have to try to be better people, but we’re so quick to judge women for literally anything they do, and it just keeps being normal to us!! we need to fucking change the way we act!!!
And with how unfair the world is, like, some people have so much while some have so little! its so fucked up!!!! and believe me, i know its not my place to say this bc im fucking privileged but its just so fucked up!!!!!! people like me who were born in a family with money just go through life so easily, we dont know shit anything and we still have the nerve to think we’re bettee than others, its so fucked up!!! And there are people who were born with no money, with no decent family, and just bc of that its allowed for them to live like shit? to not have any kind of support in life? if they need food, housing, medical care, they just have to deal with it and be strong and get through it, or start working as a fucking child?????? its just so fucked up but its never gonna change bc the people who really have money just dont wanna give up a tiny bit of their huge privilege to make it fair for everyone else, and everyone just have to be ok with all that???
23. Are you in love right now?
God no
24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!
I have a lot of crushes GSKSBSKSBSKSBSK i have online crushes, i have real life crushes, i have crushes that mean nothing to me and i just like them so im not bored shakshjs BUT theres this girl, shes kinda bi? (that what she says), shes my friends sister and fuck i just wanna make out with her for 3 days nonstop, shes just so fucking pretty, and funny and hot and nice and smart and fuckkkkkkk im lonely
26. Do you have a lucky number?
Not lucky numbers but like, just numbers that i like, 5, 7, 12 and 15
27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?
On a fallen eyelash yes but its not something i do all the time lol
28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?
What the fuck are emoji spells?
29. Do you believe in magic in general?
Dude shakshskssh no!!!!!
30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?
I dont know dude, i think freedom is pretty beautiful to me, having the freedom to do what you want, loving who you want, being loved, being happy with yourself without any pressure idk if that makes sense
31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?
I love both!!!!!!! Literally my thing
32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?
I love saxophone and violin!!
33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?
Wind not so much, its kinda scary tbh, but the sound of rain is just great!!!
36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?
Ok so i have like, two different thoughts, i either live in a small apartment, in a big city, im not good with living with other people but i hope this changes, so eithwr alone or with a roomate is fine by me, with a cat and/or a dog, and im happy with my life! Or, if i end up being super rich, i live in a big house, again by muself ot with roomates is fine, and i have way more than just a dog and/or a cat, and a big pool, and im happy with my life (tbh just picture jenna marbles’ life and its that!!
37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?
only when i go to some party or bar and i wanna make out with someone, otherwise i never use it, and i dont even have make up, i use my sister’s or my mom’s
38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?
I do!!! I cant really explain but like, its above the knee, no sleeves but like a thin strap? and its dark blue with little green zebras all over it
39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?
Romantically or in a friendship? Yes for both. I just stay sad forever, but it just gets less shitty with time
40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?
In real life its this girl from college but rn shes actually mad at me so idk if shes still close to me lol but shes so nice and funny
41. Introvert or extrovert?
Introvert that becomes too much and bery annoying after you get to know
42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?
I have NO IDEA what mbti is
43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, a or an angel?
I think id be a vampire
44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?
ive been thinking about this for a while now and i cant remember the last time someone showed me a song
45. Parlez-vous français?
No (thats no in french btw)
46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?
London and nyc are fucking amazing
47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?
When im home alone in silence ugh amazing
48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is goreous!
Not really? Im good but thanks?
49. Favorite shoe you own?
All my flipflops, my converse and thats it
50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?
I can and i actually love wearing heels i think my legs look great on them
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The Research of "Corruption": A Firsthand Account of the Corruption Sickness
Hello! My name is A/\/\ and just recently, I've been assigned to research corruption in attempts of hindering and deatroying it. However, my attention is avwrted from that, for on accounts of unfortunate events, I was removed from the cause of a physical wound that started to turn black, so while i await what happens to me, i might as well put my studies out for anyone else who gets this situation.
Day 1:
First day of study. the injury seems to be a compmetely unique one, as when I was looking up any illnesses involving such a thing, there was none listed, or at least, commonly listed. The thought of this being something from a worse disease is in the back of my head. However, when doctors diagnosed me when my coworkers noticed it, they couldnt trace a disease to itband thought it was some serious injury, yet the body part functions completely fine. Very odd, but i will continue studying my behavior and the wound.
Day 7:
Ive started experiencing more frequent headaches upon doing my daily activities. I first thought itbwas probably because i git so focused into reading my books again that I gave myself a headache, but i never experienced it this much. I've also twitched a little bit time to time in my arms, once again thinking its just from writing a lot as usual.
Day 13:
The twitching was definitely a symptom from whatever this wound is doing to me, as I've been twitching a bit more often and in different areas of my body. I also have find myself out of focus quite a few times. Very strange since I'm always focused on things.
Day 20:
My limbs are starting to feel strained and I now find muself at options of getting some meducal help now before I get worse. I feel as if the energy in my limbs are draining away each day and it slowly gets deeper into my body. I find myself more vulnerable to cold things since my body has also lost quite an unsettling amount of weight since my limbs have been feeling like this, so I keep a small heater on around me when idle.
Day 30:
About a month has passed since my studies. I'm starting to feel more tired even though I get plenty of sleep. The wound has started to spread a little. I tried contacting people for help, but no one knows exactly how to treat this other than giving me medicine for getting an energy boost so I can feel more energized when I wake up. They seem to work for now and the symptoms have slowed for now.
Day 45:
...Im hearing a few voices at this point and I don't know if im losing sanity or not. I'm in fear that I am, and i try my best to ignore them, but some keep pushing me past the ignorance. I can't focus much on other things anymore and i feel miserable. My coldness vunerability is to the point where i walk around my home carrying a blanket since i dont have many warming clothes. I really wish there was proper treatment for this.....
Day 55:
...He's coming for me, and that wound, that mark, was a sign. it slowly spreaded to the point if reaching my heart and its now creeping up to my neck. He knew about me for a while and his view was that He deemed me a "worthy person" and decided to mark me down. I dont know if its just my imagination or not, and im very unsettled by it. I am starting to feel less vulnerable to outside conditions and the strain on me has died down, either by some mercy or my body adapting to running on low energy. However, my mind runs frantic at times, I twitch quite a lot at times, and if I overthink, I get a bad headache. People have noticed my behavior and I overheard one saying I might be going crazy...
Day 64:
He's reached my neck. I feel vulnerable as it feels strained and cold. Im shivering at times and curled up in a blanket to shake the deeling away. His voice has been reaching out to persuade me. I've never been more scared of this than ever before. His mark has started to crawl up the back of my head and my heart has also felt the mark's chill, but its not as bad as at the neck. I can't get help now, as my legs shake under my body when I move around without somethibg to keep me warm, and I can't juat walk around town with a blanket wrapped tightly around me. It wont be long until i cant bear it...
Day 68:
Ive finally gave in and listened to his voice in return for no more feelings of undearable coldness at my heart and neck. He's been startibg to change my thoughts, my body, and my reality. He's been starting to tell me everyone else without the mark was unworthy and that i was a lucky person. Maybe I was. This voice could hace been a humanity destroying demon for all i know, or it could all just be my mind, but i couldnt tell. He soon shifted my mind to new thoughts. This doesnt seem to affect my daily activities, so I dont feel too bad about having a completely new view on life.
Day 72:
My body has started shifting to a new form that happens in my distress. He has occasionally made me distressed to see how this form adapts. He soon stopped doing it, seeming satisfied with the results. I still am myself, but at the same time, two people. It's.....its kind of hard to explain but that's my theory on what's happening...
Day 74:
I was wrong. Ive started feeling more emotionally unstable, and its from his reason. I find myself in my tracks at times stalking people, as if to murder. Im not even sure what I am even doing from the adaptations ove experienced in almost 3 months. The mark has now inhabitated around my heart and chest, my neck, and my left eye socket (lost the eye in an incident). Occasionally when i feel negatove emotion, the mark chills me to the bone, sending me down and searching for anything to keep me warm and to make the shivering stop. I feel like as if I started relying more on the primal instincts that are still buried deep within us........
Day 77:
I can still remain in my normal "form" at will, but ive started thinking in favor to his words. He has given me mercy, thankful mercy, as he has killed the less fortunate through me, or as i say it, punished. He said these people were the ones tainting the world, and i have to admit, they most likely were. Ive observed them to be quite sinful or evil beings. I can sense their wrongdoings on the inside.....
I can feel my insides converting
My blood thickening and changing
My stomach and intestines morphing to other uses
My chest being filled a bit more with a mechanism of use for "marking down" or "punishing"
It doesn't hurt but it does fill the empty space there.
Day ###:
He is a God
a God worth worshipping
a god who has opened my eyes
through the many trials I have endured
I have finally rose up and bevame one of his luckiest
one of his more reliable followers
He has saved me from a worse demise
He is the one worship i care of
For he has made me stronger and more adaptable with the fellow beings of his loyalty.
He says one day
when his voice quiets down.....
I'll be the next in line.
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The cracks that I show aren’t tearing me apart
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If you look at my life, one thing always comes up. Me being in a position with little or no power... looking for power. Sometimes I found it inside myself or my past, often I find it in different works of art: music, books, movies and tv-shows. I can always find it in The Forest if I am able to go other, or at any other strong place where I can have a talk with Nature, very seldomly I find it in real people but that happens too.
Life is shitty sometimes. You just want to say “fuck you” to the world in general on certain days. And yet the world rarely has any real malicious intent towards you, sometimes the cruelest person lives inside your own head. You can tolerate him, try to ignore him or battle him with optimism. But actually the best way to handle the violent voices inside is to beat up and kill that part of yourself. Because it’s not really a part of yourself. Self-hate, self-doubt, self-blame are not a part of who you are. They’re all social construncts. I won’t tolerate them anymore, I will beat them up and kill them as if they were an outside enemy, which they are, really.
Lately, I can almost always find strength inside to fight the world and myself. I am probably my strongest enemy. But I am the enemy that I can almost defeat, I can’t always beat other people or the world... yet. Especially lately, I am at my stongest ever but I’ve been feeling rather overwhelmed for a long time. The good thing is that I’m almost there, just need to hang for a little longer, I can hold out a little bit longer. But I fade away bit by bit.
So. I would like to challenge muself. Future Shiki and everyone who is a part of him, I challenge you to look for power every day, to look for energy every day, to look for good things, for joy, for love, for empowerment and so on. And I challenge you to use the power and all other good things you’ll be able to find to make your life better. To make your days better. Make them more memorable, more cinematic and magical.
I know I can survive, I have to believe as much in orger to go on. Now I need to find an ability to experiences all different shades of happy. I won’t neccesaraly post everything here because some things are very special because no one else knows about them or only the closest and dearest people know about them.
Today the highlights of my day were related to music. I listened to Sara Bareilles a lot who I love a lot and her vocal ability is honestly goals. I’ve also practiced singing, I’m getting more and more confident in that area.
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There’s also a new musical lady in my life. Her name is Alicia Keys, she’s from The Voice. She’s an amasing pianist, not the best singer ever but I like the cracks and pain in her voice - I can relate because I have simular cracks in my imaginary sould. Dark and twisted Shiki. Anyway, she’s completely different when it comes to style of music which I usually listen too but that is great. I want something new in my life. I’ve needed and still need change. I’m ready for it, I love transformative periods in my life (the good ones), i can’t really descrive the feeling but... they are just very “alive” and make me feel like I’m in a story in a book or a show which is one of the best feeling ever for me. Coming back to new things: I cut my hair, I’ve bought some clothes including two pairs of jeans of a new style for me. I look very “fashionably soulful” in them. Maybe a bit ghetto? Anyways, I like Alicia’s music because it gives you space to just think, I’ve listened to her albums today and they are great as a background music, they bring you to focus occasionaly but then leave you to soar in your thoughts on your own and also they’re great to sing too, a lot of opportunities to just randomly belt or harmonise or do runs. I like her a lot and her music kinda fitted with my clothing style today.
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I felt like something was tearing me apart from the inside today. There’s a word in russian “надрыв” which descrives this very accurately.
Future Shiki, remember that you are not who you used to be.
“I’ve got this.
I’ve found me.
I’ve found me.
Yeah.“
The journey continues.
I originally wanted to choose a gif from the last episode, the one where they’re on the ship and Xena is a ghost but I stumbled upon this one and decided to go with it. Let it be the symbol that my journey is just begining and the best is yet to come. And even with all the pain, Xena and Gabrielle are with each other in their next lives so I might as well use the happier moment from their life instead of a heartbreaking one. Even though melancholy is closer to my current state. But. My journey continues. One life in this body. I might mess it all up. But I can’t mess up precious moments that have already happened. So I’ll do my best to collect them. Anything is possible, open mind, open heart. I love a lot of things I’ve got to expirience already so much. Xena and Gabrielle is one of the most important figures in my life. Funny, how one show can change your life. Coming back to my life, a portion of which still lies ahead.
As P!nk said before singing a new song
“We’ll see what happens. “
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It took me a while to draw them one of the reasons is the anatomy , I haven’t practice some life drawing so my anatomy doesn’t look good although I enjoyed the challenge of drawing them in en pointe position of a ballerina .I research some poses are from google.
Hopefully they look like (from top then left to right) Princess Tutu, Kagamine Rin , Me ( :P) ,Sailor Venus and Sherbet Ballet . I haven’t watched the various Pretty Cure anime so before I drew Sherbet Ballet I did a little research and was amazed at how many Pretty Cure magical girl are there and also I kinda forgot who Sailor Venus is so I also need to have a research about her.
This illustration looks biased and I admit that my favorite is Princess Tutu that’s why I put her at the top and also their Tutu’s were based from her costume I just put a bit of lace and took of her necklace .As I was drawing them including muself ,I imagine Sailor Venus might be able to pull off some en pointe and of course Sherbet Ballet as a pro ballerina will be able to do it with confidence .I put them together because of the height and I think they are mature enough than the other characters including me .
Kagamine Rin and me for the next row ,I think we’re the child-like personalities because that’s what I see myself as of now hehehe also I’m not too good with dancing and as usual I won’t be able to pull-off some en pointe position but I think Kagamine Rin can, but with a bit of difficulty nonetheless she can still smile unlike me hahaha. Our last character Princess Tutu , well I don’t really need to say something about her she’s just like a beautiful swan for me.
Anyway please credit me if you want to re-post thanks!
If you want to see more of my drawings follow me on:
Deviant Art
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#digital drawing#sai drawing#personal drawing#drawing me#anime princess#Princess Tutu ahiru#princess tutu#sailor venus#sherbet ballet#pretty cure#kagamine rin#animefanart#Fanart#yaninpo#minime#bishoujo#ballerinas#anime ballerina
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Here's a truth:
I have cases of horrible depression. Especially late at night or driving down the road by muself. Times when I have silence by myself and time to think, running thing through my head. And sometimes…. suicidal thoughts will swim through my brain. I get these thoughts much more often than I should. They get worse as times go on, and I grow closer and closer to going through with them. The thing is…. rather than thinking about what my family or friends would think or how they woulf react, that’s not what stops me. Sure… they’re be sad or confused at first, but I know they’re strong. I know they’ll eventually be able to move on and continue with their lives as normal. What stops me is my pets. As silly as that sounds. I can’t bring myself to go through with it because I think about what my sweet little fur babies would think. The confusion of waiting for me to come home and never showing up, or waiting for me to wake in the morning and not understanding why I won’t cuddle or play with them. I know they would be well loved from my family in my absence and well taken care of, but I also know that loss affects animals just as strongly, if not more so, than it does people. Some animals never come back from depression, some even passing from it. I can’t bear the thought of breaking their sweet hearts or having them feel abandoned. I see it at my job, being a vet tech, so much. Pets becoming physically ill or going into a deep depression because their owners have passed. It is truly heartbreaking. People say animals can’t understand the feelings humans have, but I don’t believe that. I know for a fact that animals can display the same emotions as humans, and maybe even understand them even more so than we do. I’m sorry for this depressing and probably a bit strange post. But I had to get this off my mind. I hope anyone who reads this has a fantastic day. And remember…. even if you feel like the people around you would not miss you if something were to happen, if you have a pet, I believe whole heartedly that they love you more than anything else in the world, and I also know they would miss you so so much. That has to mean something.
#depressing thoughts#suicidal thoughts#triggerwarning#pets#thoughts of suicide#depression#sadness#dogs#cats#animaldepression#heartbreak#loss#suicide
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I want to give in so bad, i want to cut so bad i want to slice myself right open and let everything jusy fucking spill out. I want to fucking hurt. I want to just fucking feel something and i just want to feel good. Nothing feels good or safe or nice anymore and i jsut want omto to feel a little smidge of smth nice. Just a littlw bit. I want to feel alive again. Ive been clean for like 8 months nownbut i wan tro fucking give in so bad. Novody would fucking care. Naybe my therapist would get mad but i havent veen there yet so uh ya know i vould still just do whatever. What the fuck am i alibe for ? Who am i alive for ?? Fucnin nobody and nobody gucking cares !!!! Jesus christ !!!!!! Who the fuck are my friends do my 2 best friens even fucjing care about me now that they both have fucking stupid ass boyfriends and forget all about me ?? It iw awhat i fucking deserve !!!!!! Lilly i hope ur fucking reading this bc i m avtuakly getting a little pisse dbc youre not responding to fuckin anything !! When i jsynwat to talk abt myself or smth i like u fuckin go offline in an instance !!! Fuck !! Isn cant do shit right j all i want to do is just sleep or idk fuckin feel anthong but i cant allow muself to fele things except for feel bad nnnn!! Real fucking cool at myself nn !! Go fuckin die in ahole or smth i just want to fuckin give up
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