#i think im losing my mind a little bit
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quick doodle because the new official art made me want to chew on him like a feral animal
#i was at uni and got home to him all over my dash . had [redacted] thoughts#jc what do u think about getting a useless househusband (me)#im losing my mind over this official art a little bit i wont lie#art tag#mdzs#jiang cheng#cql#jiang wanyin
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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I can think of a lot of reasons why I like and have gotten attached to tsukasa more than any other fictional character and i think if i had to keep it simple (or else id be rambling for hours) id say
1. He’s so interesting. I usually pick up the extremely mischaracterized blonde characters anyways but he gets my brain working real hard. its almost 2am and i cant think straight but theres something about his duality that keeps me glued to him and the amount of Layers he has and how removing even one layer or completely ignoring how both his huge ego and kindness + selflessness coexist can really mess up your perception of him. There was something quite short i wrote about how both sides make him. Well. Him. back when his colofes dropped since i was so annoyed at the people Not getting it (while most never even read the STORIES 😁) anf ive been screaming this for a year now Please. Also the way his dream and being a good big brother go hand in hand have captured me. I really like fictional siblings and they fill something personal i miss and Looove looking at the roots of characters. Discovering where this and that and connecting events to what started their behaviors or helped their personality bloom. So seeing saki and toya play such an important role in his life keeps me HOOOKEDDD. I took the bait like tiny fish. Dont regret it. Never will. I like my fictional characters like layered cake. Thats basically how i see them. I had a yummy chocolate cake with so mant layers the other day 🤤 but anyways. I also really like when characters have to learn and grow as people after making really bad mistakes or being straight up assholes so it really took a while even after mainstory but once i got to see more of him with saki and read dazzling i was like. This is the guyyy. Youre mine now lets go. I dont like perfect characters but.. you see.. when characters who have (sometimes way too much) confidence and are dramatic yet are shown to truly be good people who enjoy making others happy… alright.. now im listening… Sign me up…
But really he has almost everything I’ve ever looked for in a character. Starting with the fact that he’s a theatre kid. And blonde. Of course emu nene and rui + more fictional characters have made their way into my heart and ive gotten attached to them on very Very personal levels but when it comes to this Idiot who wants to be a star and reminds me of a dog its something that i dont even know how to explain sometimes. Why is he here? What are you doing inside of my head. Ill never have one solid answer because he takes up too much space in my mind and i become incoherent too often when talking about him.
2. Ignoring my first answer, He is ugly. My favorite punching bag. Cartoon character. Begins floating when he smells pie. I dont know anymore
3. he just like me fr (Which is terrible i dont like that)
#if any part of this doesnt make sense or isnt rightpleass correct me#This is what i mean by tsukasa makes me lose my mind#I really cannot think straight when it comes to this show freak#3. Is more of a complicated thing. I dont Actually hate relating to him im joking but uhh#idk how to explain this i mean theres still a Lot that makes us very VERY different uhh#i think sometimes its just a little bit of annoyance like Why him. Why is it always the egotistical blonde ones#also i wouldnt say relating to him as much as i do right now is that bad (although i am much more self aware than him so. Yeah sometimes#I get annoyed with myself as well) i think its just the way ive been treated like i AM him before because of how much i do#Like guys. Come on now i get seeing people as their pfps or fav characters but thats a bit much#And theres plenty of other characters i relate to#Anyways ignoring rant in tags#I need to sleep. Right now. I cant believe i stayed up just to talk about little freak Tsukasa Tenma#ramble#rant#might delete later#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#wxs tsukasa#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#idk what im yapping about#yapping#tsukasa pjsk#tsukasa#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#shouldve kept this in drafts AAHH!!!!!
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just thinking about how if lewis told charlotte he was terribly afraid of the water & she decided to physically pick him up and carry him out over the sea while he begged her to stop & go back, there would be antagonistic music playing in the background, the girls would have immediately told lewis to break up with her or even intervened, the fandom would be making (more) hate posts, etc. to this day i cannot believe ash got away with that in the show
#not to say charlotte would do that but yknow. the showrunners would frame it badly is what i mean#anyway ash my BEHATED. my ENEMY. if ash has 100 haters im 1 if ash has 1 hater its me etc#i still am always flabbergasted by that scene like i cant believe thats a ship moment#anti ash dove#emma gilbert#h2o just add water#this post also doubles for charlotte watsford bc yknow#she did not do anything half as bad as that LMAO at least as far as i can remember#the tumblr h2o fandom agrees that ash is a weirdo i think but every time i log onto like insta or tiktok & see ship edits with That scene i#lose a little bit of my mind sorry
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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yk what this is not a post for the tags tbqh. im gonna be so real rn i cannot stand reading takes from usamericans about venezuela. like, i understand and agree that you should be allowed to critique and question all kinds of US intervention or support. which is why anyone would be hesitant to support the US backed opposition in venezuela. but at the same time you should also be able to recognize that this country has been suffering under a left wing dictatorship for the past 20+ years that has constantly cheated and committed fraud, imprisoned political opponents, violated human rights, and more recently, lead their country into starvation and an economic crisis. like. there HAS to be change!! it's gone on for too long!! anyone who has looked into venezuela even a little beyond the surface will realize this! i'm not asking for a US intervention either i'm just saying that you SHOULD NOT be supporting maduro's reelection and the majority of venezuelans wouldn't want you to either because he DID not win
#venezuela#sorry im tired LMFAO every time venezuela shows up in the news and i see gringos talking about the opposition being the villains#as a opposed to the LITERAL DICTATOR.#i lose my mind a little bit#and no one in the northern hemisphere cares about this mf country and it's so frustrating but at the same time i get it or whatever#no one has the capacity to pay attention to several global atrocities at the same time#just dont think maduro is great because he supports palestine
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the "i didnt ask to be made" line is probably gonna come up in the next season, huh?
#my adventures with superman#maws#maws season 3#or maybe “i didnt WANT to be made”#that one would hurt huh#dc#conner kent#im so happy he got confirmed#hes such a cutie#frothing at the mouth and clawing at the walls#also does this imply that were already at tim in this timeline? or are they gonna go the yja route and have him be friends with dick?#i hope not but that also means that jason gonna be dead already#this isnt about batman and them but i still think its important to figure out bc theyre definitely gonna come up a little bit more#honestly just losing my mind over conner. i love him 🥺
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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like at the end of the day i know it doesn't matter because what actually happened isn't as bad as everyone is making it out to be slash maybe WANTS to be just so dteam can be the bad guys but it's still so frustrating to see in real time not only the effects of misinformation but also just how so many people online view certain aspects of our society like it is just so unreal and i think that's what im more upset about than anything else
#the internet is not a real place IT'S NOT REAL#i also think . i may be losing myself a little bit like i just. i don't know i am just so mad. and usually im good about like#just not losing my mind over things like this like i usually wouldn't be posting at all but i just . it's so frustrating to see
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is it normal that i want to watch the terror because of you? i dont even know what it is about 😭😭
do it haha i mean what could go wrong right come on give me your hand come here come here dont be scared its alright you dont have to fight it anymore its gonna be just fine you just have to trust me just trust me okay its alright its gonna be alri
#WE GOT ANOTHER ONE BOYS#anyway. do it. DO ITTTTT#you dont need to know anything really. i knew NOTHING when i started the show and in a way i think it only made it more fun for me#since my only upper hand on the characters was that i knew they were all gonna die (duh) but aside from that i was just as clueless as them#when more and more shit started hitting the fan#im serious though it really is an excellent show. shitposting and babygirlifying of british colonisers aside - it is GREAT.#the characters. the dialogues. the acting! the storytelling!!!!!!! (the little Real Expedition Easter Eggs#that you get to spot on you XXXth rewatch! and the pilkington spotting game my beloved)#the only thing that could be a bit difficult on your first watch is Telling The Cold Boys Apart#(the main cold boys are rather recognisable tho and you'll get the hang of it soon dw)#anyway if you DO decide to watch it - PLEASE dont hesitate to liveblog it in my DMs like i did in ollie's...#id love to bear (ha) witness to you losing your mind more and more with each episode <33#cheers!#the terror#ask
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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;・∀・)
#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE#it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it#and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl#but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum#I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked#alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray#i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not#im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired#i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on#i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well#im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps#i do not have high hopes fjfkdl#MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl#i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit#augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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screaming crying throwing up etc etc etc so much is happening and im losing my god damned mind
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#trigun spoilers/#blood/#the . the . the . feathers#protective feathers#Feather Mode previously seen as something monstrous. meant only for destruction. traumatizing one of his closest friends.#but now here we see it. Protective. saving the man he holds dear.#and wolfwood being wolfwood. bloodied and beat to shit. but still able to snark at him#that face as he says 'get to it idiot' slkdfjslkdfj i love him literally so much#and vash. god. poor vash was stuck in a fucking hole for 7 months#his boyfriend finally saves him. but vash gets knocked out in the process. and then he wakes up to find wolfwood full of holes#and also. also. is this that fucking telepathy shit i read in the wiki? bc im pretty sure wolfwood is just thinking those lines#aside from the last bit. like really when would he have the ability to say those things while getting shot full of holes?#so Maybe. vash heard him. heard his thoughts. & it drove him to action.#also. FUCK wolfwood the sinner priest calling out to god for the first time this manga as he thinks he's about to die#and the one to answer is none other than vash. in full angel form.#wolfwood being protected by the ferocity of his angel himself. and STILL finding it in himself to be a little shit.#im losing my goddamned mind y'all this truly is the pairing of all time
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whats the move for convincing my mom to let me play creature feature songs at her halloween party
#shes approved jonathan coulton and jack stauber so far.#i know im not gonna get anywhere with ice nine kills because this is a party full of rural republican middle aged people#and i think screamo would genuinely kill some of them bc they think its devil music. not even joking there.#i feel like creature feature is toeing a thin line. my mom is cool and enjoys fun things.#my dad will tolerate it and reluctantly enjoy it if he gives it a chance.#i do not like 90% of their friends so if i have to sit here &endure their awful party well then i should at least be in charge of the music#my halloween playlist is 8 hours long and a solid 2-3 hours of it is creature feature. whats the move here boys#im thinking about pulling a john mulaney salt and pepper diner move.#sprinkle in creature feature with songs like monster mash and thriller and hope nobody notices.#im losing my mind a little bit rn but god damn it im going to enjoy myself some halloween music#WAIT I FORGOT. IVE ALREADY SNUCK ONE (1) CREATURE FEATURE SONG IN BECAUSE THEY DID A COVER OF GRIM GRINNING GHOSTS.#WE HAVE AN ENTRY POINT. THE FOUNDATIONS ARE CRUMBLING#my new hobby is exposing white conservatives in my area to devil music . my party now
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#met the hottest butch ive ever seen in my whole entire life tonight#nigh-on everyone in the room had fucking heart eyes SO BIG for her the WHOLE TIME. and then#when she said she ''really couldnt do a relationship right now''#you could hear hearts break in that room fulla gayass bitches#ABSOLUTELY including mine in that count lmao. but also im delusional so even tho after tomorrow i know ill probably never see her again#i am sitting here in bed -- HOURS later -- SIGHING WISTFULLY like a moronnnnn#lmfao. goddamnit.#hopeless romantic central; emphasis on hopeless#she was so fucking funny oh my god. and the goddamn butchivalry was off the CHARTS#i couldnt decide whether to swoon or let my own butch tendencies make me start competing lmfaooo#she was a friend of a friend visiting from the next town over; and this mutual friend had been hyping up her arrival so much id started to#think it was bc she was trying to set us up or something. which legit started to make me kinda nervous before she got here#and now im going fucking insane because oh my GOD#OH MY GODDDDD.#literally just. losing my goddamn mind. i dont know this girl at ALL & ik i dont do casual eeeeeven a little bit & shes NOT looking for That#but... fuck. goddamn. gotDAMN she was so cool#i doubt she was looking at me much If At All lmao; we were all just chilling... im just. objectively Not Good at Being Chill#anyway im writing this here hours later so i dont text our mutual friend at 5am about how rad meeting her was like some kinda creep lmfao#bee speaks#my outfit was cute but i doubt she was lookin; esp since i came straight to the party after a performance so i was in... weird shape lmao#altho im VERY glad we got to meet Before shes supposed to come see the show tomorrow lmao.#like. now at the very least her first impression of me isnt me-as-kreon; asshole misogynistic tyrant dictator-in-chief that he is hdkdgk
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ooc
#i keep thinking of my heckna campaign (it's always on my mind and has been for over two years yeah)#but ummmm yeah my players can never find a day to play#i love that campaign i love playing it with them but it's a bit exhausting being the only person trying#there's one of my players who joined recently and was a spectator until very recently who's responsible#but aside from that im the one chasing after them always#and im... well#im attached to them as players and do have fun witb them but truth be told I don't really consider them friends anymore#they did some questionable things to a mutual friend#and i told them i wanted to talk about it because it upset me but that wouldnt change our relationship#because they had done nothing to me personally#but we never got to talk. in fact we havent seen each other in person for almost a year#when they know im unemployed and frankly free on most days#they never text me first either and we only talk about rp-related stuff#which doesn't really hurt anymore? they aren't my friends but they're my players and im okay with thar#but now... yeah they're kinda elusive as players as well#i know if i go and tell them i want to drop our campaigns i will lose them for good. there is nothing between us anymore#that does sadden me a little because they aren't bad people and i have loved them so so much#but... yeah they didn't make any efforts as friends and now they don't do it as players either#i think i could be able to put together a new table to be honest#because i do want to run heckna. it is a campaign that means so so so much to me#and... well i can live without dragon heist i suppose? i was really invested in my player's dynamics#and relationships with npcs#and i was SO excited to see it develop... but i don't think that's gonna happen in... idk years?#im just... thinking.#i could be my 'game day' to. you know. actually play something#ooc#negativity cw
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ok ok listen…….. what if i made a oc verse set in m*etriod.. like a clown or two set in the verse ✨👁🥀❣️
#for the audience of me hehe but they’re the clowns of my heart at the moment along with t*lou clowns and the asoiaf dears hehe#i mean ive had this storyline in my mind since i was like.. a kid and playing the remaster of p*rime it brought back all those memories? ✨😭#they were some of my first ocs too ! and returning to them again with fresh eyes im like.. a little emotional u know?#likely will yell more on ye olde oc blog but wanted to hear the besties thoughts on it if i were to talk about it?#(though i may transition them to an original verse instead but for now ! that’s where they’ll be hehe 🖤)#but ! yea ! for setting its like.. g*ot in space skzjjzjx and the empire is the liege lords of the space pirates hehe#they were brought up by the c*hozo and ofc they disappear and this gave the current empress an in to overthrow the old emperor#(and dad of one of the antagonist/deuteragonists !)#so that’s a little bit of it !#leg.txt#*personal#i am thinking as well of like a sort of a*nastasia sort of plot where a princess (and the daughter of the new empress) loses her memory ?#her love interest is the son of the old emperor and the current right hand of the new empress (its actually what she’s using against him ?)#(that he loves her and for that she would zero her if he didn’t aid her in overthrowing his father? it’s a time to be them!)#he was also brought up and raised by the same c*hozo who raised s*amus so they’re childhood friends !#basically he can’t stand her now bc he isn’t aware of her memory being gone and thinks she’s her hostage sksjzjjx#a bit of a misunderstanding going on! in later things he joins the team but! and he also has a brother as well!#and there’s a director of r&d who’s a bit of a snob and an master of intelligence who join the team too later!
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