#murderous rampage

[serpentineego]

Venenatum

Chapter 22, "Rage & Revenge", now on AO3

[silveragelovechild]

The Beekeeper

In an early scene of The Beekeeper, we quickly learn what kind of man Jason Statham plays. He has captured a nest of pesky wasps in a large paper bag. He doesn’t bother to spray them with a can of bug killer… that’s too easy. Instead he inserts a neon tube into the bag and applies a portable battery to the exposed end. As the neon tube lights up, he smashes the tube - the gas disperses into the bag and we see electrical sparks killing the wasps inside. That tells us everything we need to know about what kind of assassin Statham is.

”The Beekeeper” wants to be the next John Wick style franchise… wait a minute! (Every Jason Statham movie wants to be the next John Wick style franchise!)

Statham plays a retired assassin of a super secret organization called the Beekeepers. They are above the law and are charted to root out the causes of trouble in society and “Protect the Hive!”

Phylicia Rashad plays a kindly old lady who rents space in her barn to Statham to keep bees (he is literally a beekeeper). After a scam operation tricks her into giving up the passwords of all her accounts (including $2 million in trust for charity) she is grief stricken and commits suicide. Statham decides to avenge her death by eliminating the company running the scam.

When I saw the first John Wick movie I counted the number of people Keanu killed. I stopped after 95. I won’t recount the entire plot of The Beekeeper but believe me when I say the body count far exceeds that of the John Wick1.

As the movie heads to its inevitable conclusion, a succession of thugs and assassins are sent to kill Statham: first common street thugs, then another Beekeeper, then a team of Navy Seals, etc. By the end of the film at a Presidential Compound, Statham is opposed by dozens of FBI agents, a phalanx from the Secret Service, and a set of international mercenaries with kooky accents.

Does Statham succeeds? Does Statham ever fail in his movies? If he did how would they ever make a sequel?!?

(Josh Hutcherson costars as the smug yet sniveling ultimate target of Statham’s murderous rampage.)

If you like Jason Statham movies, your like “The Beekeeper”. If you don’t, save you time and money.

[stylistic-nightmare]

Cannibal Corpse - Murderous Rampage

[rottentricks]

𝔻𝕠𝕝𝕝’𝕤 𝕁𝕦𝕕𝕘𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥

Story recap

- 𝔼𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕖𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕖𝕝𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝 𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕟. 𝔻𝕠𝕝𝕝 𝕚𝕤 𝕣𝕚𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙’𝕤 𝕘𝕣𝕚𝕡 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕚𝕤 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕝𝕧𝕖𝕣. 𝕌𝕡𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕔𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕠𝕝𝕧𝕖𝕣’𝕤 𝕔𝕣𝕦𝕖𝕝 𝕘𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕔𝕒𝕥 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕠𝕦𝕤𝕖, 𝔻𝕠𝕝𝕝 𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕒 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕖𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕣'𝕤 𝕒𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕓𝕪 𝕥𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕦𝕡 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕖𝕤, 𝕦𝕟𝕝𝕠𝕔𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤 𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕜𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕠𝕗 ��𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕠𝕝𝕧𝕖𝕣. 𝔻𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕛𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕪, 𝔻𝕠𝕝𝕝 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕠𝕟, 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒 𝕡𝕦𝕣𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕖, 𝕨𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝕒 𝕔𝕖𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕕𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕤 𝕒 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕕 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥.

- \\\ -

Just a fun little au I been thinking about for a while, might write about it? Idk I just thought she would look cooler as DD

[roachingurcoach]

okay I don't really know how to frame this. but like. funniest way to confirm Dean is Ben's dad is

20 year-old Ben takes a genetics test for fun or whatever, and the results he gets back are just batshit insane. it's like. oh hey. my biological father is a known serial killer who's still on the FBI's most wanted list and has been found or thought dead multiple times. and my uncle. and my grandfather. and my grandmother. and my--

[rad-batson]

Multiverse AU where different variants of Damian Wayne Al Ghul are accidentally hailed to one universe and Damian is in the middle, trying to get all of them back home, but it only gets worse and NOT for the reasons you would think.

So picture this: there’s a sea of Damian variants crowded into the Batcave. One’s a leader of the LOA. Another became the next Harley Quinn? One is a mute assassin. Another is Red Hood’s apprentice. One’s Batman. One’s a meta for some reason. Another is the leader of a revolution. One’s a monk. And another is a clone. They’re all somehow involved in vigilantism or the LOA.

And then there’s a completely normal one. He goes by Dami. He’s in college :) He works at an art studio. He’s got a heart condition. He has a boyfriend, and he has never been Robin before. In fact, he doesn’t even know his dad is Batman. So in a room full of wildly different versions, this Damian sticks out like a sore thumb. He’s like an NPC just standing in the middle of a final battle.

What he does know is that his mother, Talia, left the LOA with him when he was two because she fell in love with Bruce. Since then, the three have lived a Perfectly Normal Life as Perfectly Normal People in a moderately nice house in the suburbs of Gotham.

And you know what? No one questions it. Out of all the problems the Damians are having right now, Normal Damian is the least of them. So he just sits to the side, completely chill, and doesn’t interfere.

But then some chaos happens, the Damians are all sucked into a battle at some secondary location, Normal Dami is kidnapped, gets killed, and everyone’s super depressed about it. (Gosh, he was so nice. Why did it have to be him? Boo hoo. We didn’t even have time to recover the body.)

Until they head back to the cave…and there he is. Respawned. Alive. Confused.

He was literally dead on the floor two hours ago. They checked for a pulse! He bled out. Normal NPC Dami is supposed to be dead. But nope. He’s right there. “Hey, what happened? The last thing I remember is being tied up. Did I faint again?”

Everyone else, the whole batfamily and the mini Damian army, is like “wtf how’d you get here, buddy?” While he’s just like :) so Bruce, who put a bug on the security cameras or whatever, checks the footage and what he finds is absolutely horrifying.

Just after he died, Normal Dami’s eyes snapped open. Glowing a deep Lazarus Green. He stood up, walked out, and immediately fucking decimated the remaining group of kidnappers like a rabid animal. Literally anyone who got near him were goners, and Thank Sweet Jesus he didn’t run into anyone on the walk back because he didn’t care to clean off all that blood. Nope, he just walked right through the front doors of the manor, found a clean set of clothes, completely on autopilot, then all of the adrenaline wore off, and he collapsed from exhaustion.

So everyone watches the footage. NPC Damian is horrified. He insists that’s not him because he doesn’t kill people! How could they ever accuse him of killing people?! He has never done something like that. He can’t even walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded for Christ’s sake!

Nonetheless, he agrees to sit in their itty bitty holding cell as they do some fun little tests, and lo and behold: he is so genetically fucked up. Why? Because his DNA isn’t like the other Damians. It’s completely mutated by this green glowing substance that they know all too well.

The verdict? Normal Dami has been permanently mutated by the Lazarus Pit. The Lazarus Pit is inside of him. It IS him. Or maybe Normal NPC Damian is the Lazarus Pit.

When Normal Dami was two and he and Talia still lived with the LOA, there was an incident involving Damian drowning in the Lazarus Pit (à la Ra’s Al Ghul's Stellar Grand-Parenting Skills.) However, since he wasn’t dead, the Lazarus Pit devoured him, consumed him with violent pit madness, spat him back out, and Damian became this completely, unstoppably rage-filled toddler that can throw you over his shoulder and snap your neck. So Talia, terrified of what Ra’s would do with him, escaped to Gotham, found Bruce, begged for help, and they devised a plan.

Step 1: Raise Lazarus Damian as a completely normal kid.

Step 2: Take him to therapy. Maybe give him anger management classes. (Monitor his sugar intake. That couldn’t hurt.)

That was literally their whole plan. They had no other ideas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Occasionally, he’d snap and kill someone in cold blood (whoopsie daisy) but his parents were an assassin and the world's greatest detective. No one’s gonna know.

Through some trial and error, they found out that abrupt adrenaline spikes were what triggered the madness. So they worked around it. They gave him calm, relaxing hobbies. They spoiled him with emotional support animals. They Never Raised Their Voices. He was homeschooled for a bit then introduced to university, but only AFTER they made sure Jon (the Indestructable Superboy) was his roommmate. (Yes, they told him. Yes, he is now part of the convoluted Keep Deadly Damian Relaxed Task Force. They’re also dating.) They got Damian a FitBit that tracked his heart rate so they could predict when his adrenaline spiked. They Life360’d his ass so fucking hard. Meanwhile, Damian just thought he had some kind of medical thing, none the wiser the entire time.

Long story short? “Chill Normal NPC Damian” Cannot Die. But he can Kill.

If he does “die” (the Lazarus Pit cannot die) then he goes into a murderous rage, kills everyone in sight, it wears off with the adrenaline, and he can’t remember what happened. This Damian is the Most Dangerous of the variants, and he doesn’t even know it because his parents decided that would be best.

And now the other Damians are scared of him, and he’s scared of himself, and no one knows why he's made of the Lazarus Pit, and they don’t know what to do with him, and they still don’t know how to get back, and some of them want to kill him, and some don't, but no one trusts him, including himself, and it becomes an all-out war over the fate of Damian.

Anyway, Normal Damian who's actually a Murderous Lazarus Spirit without even knowing it. Thank you :)

[christianbalesasshole]

to sum up that entire run

[blackbackedjackal]

:)

[royalarchivist]

Fit: Alright Ramon, I'm gonna tell you a bedtime story about nighttime.

Fit: Now, nighttime of course is when monsters come out, and they try and scare little eggs just like you. But, the thing about nighttime is that as long as you have a source of light, you will be safe. That's right. And Ramon, do you want to know what my source of light is on this island? It's you, my boy. You are my light on this island. Without you, I would be covered in darkness.

Fit: So, I'm just- I'm just so glad to have you as my boy. That's right.

Ramon: [Nods and holds up his totem]

Fit: Oh, Ramon... Yeah, that's right – you got that totem right there! You're going to be nice and safe with that as well! That's right. But I'm just uh– I'm glad you woke up today, Ramon. I was getting worried about you for a second, but no, you're a tough kid. So, I'm just glad you woke up.

[petalkitshadow]

man i dont know everyone on twitter was sharing the zootopia abortion comic again for some reason and saying to redraw this panel as a ship so sure whatever heres the petalkits shadow good ending

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I was doing some VOD watching as a bit of fact-checking / research for something I'm working on and got absolutely bodied by this thing Fit said to Ramon:

"You are my light my boy. Without you I would be covered in darkness."

[cheese-water]

God won’t put them all into the same room because he’s afraid of screaming matches 😔

better quality version :D

[chaosgremlim]

I’ll be completely honestly. I will judge you based on how you view Lottie Mathews. If you watch Yellowjackets and go calling her “psycho” “crazy” and judge her abhorent and manipulative for literally just having symptoms of her psychosis while UNMEDICATED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WILDERNESS, I won’t trust you for shit.

[das-a-kirby-blog]

I think kirby should have a little attitude. as a treat. free of charge.

[aziraphalesbookkeeper]

Listen I didn't go into this a parksborn truther but boy I'm leaving as one