#mr world also said bi rights >;(

[clockwayswrites]

The Haunting of Danny Fenton, p5

masterpost please no crit or editing, I know there are mistakes. this migraine is on day 7 and killing me <3

Danny swiped his finger over one of the hanging crystals in the waiting room window of Marvelous Mina’s Spiritual Nexus: or, in other words, the old, tiny, craftsman building that was crammed between two mid rises that Wilhelmina Aleshire had inherited from her grandmother several years ago.

There wasn’t any sort of spiritual nexus in the place. Mina was actually completely inept at conversing with the dead (Danny excluded). What Mina was unusually skilled at lay in the realm of psychic readings, specifically those involving divination such as tarot and oracle cards. She was also quite good at reading living people.

(Danny might have been a little jealous of that.)

Danny had first stumbled upon Mina and her ‘nexus’ when they were both dealing with the same ghost: him from the spirit itself and her from the bereaved widower of the man. Working together had wrapped things up quite quickly. It had also actually been enjoyable.

Mina was weird, energetic, and curious. It was an overwhelming combination at times, but other times it was just perfect. It was especially welcome when Danny got into a slump of some sort, usually between jobs or partners or when he wanted to kill and then end an annoying new roommate.

Not that he would ever do that.

(But Brad came damn close.)

A crying woman came dashing out through the curtain that separated the foyer waiting room from the sitting room that Mina used for her readings. She wiped dramatically at her eyes as she got to the door, heaved a massive sigh, tossed her hair back, and headed back out into the world.

“Wow. What did you tell her?” Danny asked, not even turning to look at Mina yet, though he knew she would be standing at the open curtain on the edge between the two spaces where old, cracked black and white tiles met darkly stained hardwood painted with hena style flowers.

“Oh, you know, the usual thing people hate to hear; it won’t work out between her and her current boyfriend,” Mina said. She dropped into the seat next to Danny, and he finally turned to look at her. Her mass of dark blond hair was piled up on top of her head in a sort of gibson girl bun that looked effortlessly, messily stylish. Mina was good at that—being effortlessly stylish in a disheveled sort of way. She brushed back her bangs and continued. “He’s actually already being set to be engaged by his family to ‘someone proper’, which he’ll give into for the inheritance—which is all she was after anyways. She’ll get over it.”

“Something something fish in the sea,” Danny said. He reached out and plucked a petal from Mina’s hair. It was from a bright orange zinnia. Mina’s favorite.

Mina hummed. “And how is your fishing going, Mr. Fenton?”

“Currently in an absolute drought, no where to fish around here.”

“Danny, you live in San Francisco. A bi man such as yourself is not allowed to say there is no fish around.”

Danny scowled, “No fish that don’t want to eat me and spit me out.”

“I mean…”

“Not like that!” Danny explained, a quick blush rising on in his cheeks. “I meant like, viciously.”

“I mean…” Mina repeated with a lascivious smirk.

“I regret coming to you for help.”

“No,” Mina whined, drawing out the word. “What help? Do you have a new ghost problem? What sort of help do you need? Danny, let me help!”

Danny managed to glare at her, but only for a few moments before he relented with an over wrought sigh. “Fine, you can help. Can we go talk now or do you have another appointment?”

“Not until four,” she said. She took Danny’s hand and practically dragged him through the door to the right and into the private section of the once stately home. “Which tea do you want?”

“Dealer's choice. Whatever tea you think is best for a weird talk about a weird ghost,” Danny said. He had his favorites of Mina's diverse tea selection, sure, but she had a way of always choosing the best blend foe the day if he left the choice to her.

She narrowed her eyes as she studied Danny in a way that always made the back of his neck itch. He put up with it dutifully, but relaxed noticeably when she nodded and continued them on to the kitchen.

The room was painted a warm, coral orange. The color should have clashed with the the pale blue cabinets and pale butcher top counters, but instead it just worked. It was very Mina.

Danny sat at the table and idly scratched Hubris on the head.

Hubris was Mina’s ancient grey cat. He had one single golden eye left and used it to glare pitifully at whoever was near until the pet him. He also purred like a wood chipper.

“So give me the deets,” Mina demanded once she had set down the two cups of tea.

Danny sighed and took a sip of his tea. “They’re different. It’s not like they’re made of smoke or mist, it’s like they’re full of static. And they don’t look dead either. I actually—I finally got a got a good look at them this last episode.”

“I don’t like the way you say ‘episode’,” Mina said. Her eyes narrowed over the top of her tea cup.

“You shouldn't,” Danny said with a frown as pulled out the sketch and unfolded it. “They’re seizures, I think? Not like I’ve gone to a doctor about them. I don’t think ‘the ghost person touches me and the world goes technicolor kaleidoscope’ would go over well with a medical professional.”

Hubris opened his one eye with a snort as Mina’s cup clanged down onto her saucer.

“Seizures?! Danny! What the f! You can’t just mess around with seizures.”

“You can say fuck, Mina, we’re both adults,” Danny said dryly.

She leaned forward. “I will throw my tea at you, Danny, unless you explain.”

“But I can’t exactly. They’re not a regular ghost, and I’ve never had anything like this happen before. Mina, look. They look alive.” He turned the drawing around to face her and slid it her way. “I drew this after the episode yesterday. I saw them so clearly. Their eyes had a spark, their skin was healthy skin with a flush and everything, and I even think they breathed. I don’t… Mina, I’m worried that they’re not a ghost.”

Mina picked up the sketch carefully. Her brows were furrowed. “But if they’re not a ghost, why are they contacting you?”

Danny shook his head. “No, if they’re not a ghost, how are they contacting me. And why am I their only option?”

“Fuck.”

“Pretty much. But that’s why I’m here. I want to try things a different way. I want you to try and read for them, Mina.”

[pedgito]

wishing everyone a belated happy holidays and early happy new year! december was a hectic month for me so i didn't read nearly as much as i wanted to, but these are the fics i enjoyed in the time that i had. i went through a bit of a series binge early this month, as you'll see below. here's to all the fluffy, angsty, smutty goodness everyone is bound to cook up in 2025!

this key will help you figure out which fics are more your vibe, or if you’re just curious of the contents before you dive in:

smut = 🌶️, fluff = ☁️ angst = ☄️

total fics listed below: 18

✎ — 𝐉𝐎𝐄𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑

↝ hook 'em series by @joeloverture — 🌶️

Trying to get back at your cheating quarterback ex-boyfriend leads you right into the arms of his coach. You plan on staying there for a little while.

↝ smooth operator series by @penascigarette — ☄️, 🌶️

You didn't know why Joel was so different from your other clients. His voice was the first thing to catch your attention, followed closely by words so hot they lit a fire within you. Everything he said drew you to him like a moth to a flame; but that's the problem with fire. Someone is bound to get burnt.

↝ limits by @perotovar — 🌶️

So like, imagine a world where bulls evolved to be bi-pedal and can mate with humans, but it’s not a common practice. Don’t think too hard about it, just imagine you’re a new farm hand/stable boy and caught the attention of one of those bulls, okay?

↝ the one you need series by @loliwrites — 🌶️, ☄️, ☁️

When you move into town hellbent on keeping everyone at an arm’s length, your neighbor Joel finds his way into your life.

↝ stay forever by @mrsmando, part one: stay while — 🌶️, ☁️

You & Joel finally reach jackson, and the life you’ve dreamed of becomes reality — with a few twists and turns along the way.

↝ i'm empty without you, so come grow within me by @chronically-ghosted — 🌶️, ☄️

With winter approaching, Joel takes stock of what he wants and what he has in his life. He wants you, but he’s not quite sure he has you, not in a way that only a life in Jackson can afford. Joel’s an old-fashioned guy, so he’s looking for an old-fashioned love…if he can only remember how to do it right.

↝ mr. winter by @kedsandtubesocks — 🌶️, ☁️

You wrote that letter to Santa as a joke (knowing he obviously wouldn’t answer it) until he does - and he comes with a proposition.

↝ through the glass by @murder-wife — 🌶️

Your neighbor, Joel, seems to have a revolving door of dates. He also doesn't seem to have a taste for keeping his curtains closed. You can't help but watch when it feels like he wants you to see what he's doing to them.

↝ but he's the one i want by @wheresarizona — 🌶️

All you needed was to see if your dad’s friend, Joel, had a spare key to your father’s house. Instead, you get railed within an inch of your life on Joel’s couch. 

✎ — 𝐃𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐉𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍

↝ shadows by @burntheedges — 🌶️

You were pretty sure the ship was haunted.

✎ — 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐒/𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐔𝐒

↝ guilty as sin by @ovaryacted — ☄️, 🌶️

Being the daughter of a Senator of Rome has it’s pros and cons, you lived comfortably while constantly being reminded of your insubordinate position in society. However, upon meeting General Acacius, your life changes as you begin to grow fond of him. The question is, will he reciprocate your feelings, or cast you out to suffer your impending doom of unwanted courtship?

↝ fit for a goddess by @ozarkthedog

You wear Marcus’s gold laurel crown while he worships you.

↝ propositio by @gracieheartspedro — ☄️, 🌶️

After assembling an army to win back Rome, you finally get to confront the traitor to your cause. General Marcus Acacius.

↝ foxglove downs series by @whocaresstillthelouvre — 🌶️

In the exclusive realm of elite show jumping, where wealth stretches as far as the polished estates, Marcus Acacius and Lucius Verus are locked in a fierce competition that reaches far beyond the arena.

✎ — 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒

↝ nut vid with the sound on by @syd-djarin — 🌶️

You accidentally send Frankie a text that he wasn’t supposed to see.

✎ — 𝐉𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐀

↝ helping hand by @/mrsmando — ☁️, 🌶️

You and Javi take a bath together.

✎ — 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐑 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐀

↝ reprieve by @hauntedhowlett-writes — ☄️, 🌶️

When angry, Emperor Geta seeks reprieve in his empress.

✎ —𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐀

↝ death kink by @s-lverwing — ☄️

Devotion between you and Caracalla is measured in blood.

likes, reblogs, and comments keep the motivation alive, so if you’re taking a look at these for the first time, please leave a kind word for these writers or just reblog, even. support your writers <3

[cocoreallylovesraiden]

MK1 characters and sick! reader

(johnny cage, bi-han, smoke +liu kang & shang tsung)

not proof read not thought out not nothing i am SICK and this is my OUTLET (again this is not serious, just goofy stuff)

Johnny Cage

- sick equivalent of “it’s not uterus it’s uterUS”

- Especially if he doesn’t have much going on in his schedule? It’s like there’s two sick people in the house

- He has ZERO issues laying in bed all day with you- until he decides on a group excursion to the living room couch where you will… continue to lay there! Exciting.

- Depending on how sick you are he’d be more serious, if it was just a little cold and nothing to worry about, expect to have some movies in the back while you doze in and out of his incessant chatting

- (I personally think he can’t cook well) so your favourite takeout is ordered and put into one of those fancy ass bowls to make it look like a home cooked meal. Bless him.

- Wearing matching ugly pjs like the worlds bleakest slumber party

- Says he doesn’t care about getting sick from being close to you, but makes jokes about your ‘heebies’ getting all over him if you ask for any physical contact (he will over enthusiastically oblige)

- If you’re seriously ill, he would be at a loss, especially when his usual demeanour can’t seem to cheer you up.

- Since i imagine his relationship with his parents isn’t the best, he’d probably call one of your family members to ask how to best care of you, and take it from there

- He wouldn’t treat you like a glass vase though, still cracking jokes while he attends to your needs; but in a way where you can tell he’s trying to mask how vulnerable he feels in his care for you.

- Calls you his sicky wicky honey boo boo sugar tits pumpkin pie

- Definitely gets the man flu once you recover no question about it

- As you lay in bed, sweating from your fever with this huge piece of man meat hugging up on you, all you can hear in the back of your head is “BAAAAYBBUHHHHH…. IT HUUURTTSS…” (congratulations! You can see into the future!)

- Also would call his assistant to ask for help. What are they going to know? They just do his accounting!

Bi Han

- You are sick? Have fun not being allowed to do ANYTHING. No chores, no training, no oily food, no Netflix- NO NETFLIX?

- He claims that extended screen time will only agitate your condition.

- He takes it upon himself to care for you; making easy to digest food, offering to help you shower when you feel physically weak, buying all sorts of medicines, etc.

- it would be easier to send someone to do some of these tasks (aside from the showering.) but no. Out of the kindness of his heart? Yes, of course. He loves you dearly. But also because he does not trust anyone to be as competent as he is.

- As the grandmaster gives you several containers of traditional Chinese medicine, you can only wonder if some pharmacist is sponsoring him. If you dare complain they taste horrible, he will GLADLY take a pill or a bit of powder just to show you were being a wuss

- Nags you for not being careful, and at first it’s annoying but you figure out eventually it’s because he’s worried and this is how he shows his love and concern

- During the day he has to be off at work, and as the hours pass those around him see his shoulders tense higher and higher. You’ve eaten lunch, right? You’ve taken your medicine?

- But don’t worry! Once you show the SLIGHTEST signs of recovery, it’s back to the grind.

- You can sniffle and puppy eyes him all you want, but once he deems you fit for daily life, we are back for business! No more Mr Marginally Nicer Bi Han!

- That being said, once you’re back to smiling and laughing, he will admit that it’s nice to see you back to your usual self.

Smoke

- feels horrible that you’re sick, but secretly proud of his immune system for staying strong; now he has an excuse to show off his hospitality skills!

- sort of like bi-han, expect instead of professional fussing you get excited pampering, gets to the point where you have to ask whether or not he should be at work instead of here

- “Work? Taking care of you is my work!”

- Uses this as a chance to freshen up memory on his hometown; making foods, remedies and tricks he remembers his mother doing for him as a sick child.

- If you ask him more about it, he will gladly go into detail- telling wonderful stories even if he occasionally gets emotional through them

- Cleans your face with a damp cloth and uses it as an excuse to get all close with you- again! He has a strong immune system, so nothing to worry about.

- While he’s off at work, he leaves you notes around the house to remind you that he’s thinking of you and hopes you feel better soon- if you collect all the notes, he becomes embarrassed and acts like he doesn’t know who wrote them

- Comes home and snuggles with you, mentioning even if you did have a fever, it was nice because outside was so cold and you were so warm.

- A little tone deaf, but he’s… got the spirit?

- Secretly upset once you get better because you’re less accommodating to his needy/ clingy behaviour, but it’s also great that you can communicate with words and not pained groans!

- You are WAITING for the day he gets sick. There’s no way you’ve gotten the flu 4 times, and he hasn’t. He sleeps in the same bed as you when you’re sick! Kisses you!

- How did they raise kids to be so strong where he’s from?

BONUS

Liu Kang

- you don’t get sick.

- flu season? he makes you take traditional medicine to prevent it.

- cold? you’re funny. around him? Liu “Set Off Fire Alarms With His Flaming Biceps” Kang? Haha.

- food poisoning? he Knows if the food is off, and won’t let you get the chance to eat it.

- Papa is going to make sure influenza season hits a new low this year

- Seriously, medical insurance companies are terrified of him.

Shang Tsung

- very creepily offers you an elixir and asks you to drink it.

- (Here is the part where I say: but you know he won’t hurt you, so you take it. But, you don’t know. He’s looking at you reeeaaalll funny)

- Notices your glare and takes a moment to re-do his sales pitch, this time a lot less devil-binding-contract and more… human…like?

- turns out, the elixir was just a failed experiment on shape-shifting. he sheepishly offers practical medicine while you roll your eyes.

Kung Lao

- is also sick.

- You both are idiots.

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Heartstopper season 2 play-by-play analysis

It can’t be over! It can’t be! How long will it be before my next dose of serotonin? Although rewatching helps, absolutely, but my god, that cliffhanger! Those last moments of the episode just leave you yearning for more. More Paris Squad, more in-depth looks into their individual stories, more Nick & Charlie, more more MORE!

I’m glad that Alice Oseman is already hard at work on the season 3 script. I hope they’re as inspired as ever.

EPISODE 8 - PERFECT

- Baby Queen’s “Colours of you” makes an appearance/comeback. I don’t know, but I feel like a lot of people said that it was about how Nick makes Charlie feel, how his world is black and white until Nick comes into his life (I don’t know if maybe Baby Queen said that), but to me it was always more the other way around: that Nick’s life was very black and white until he met Charlie, because not only did he realize he liked Charlie, but he also realized this whole other part of himself, in the form of the colors of the rainbow (queer pride).

- Comments to Nick’s post coming out as bi are a a mix of joyful and shocked but a few awful people just taking up space too.

- Charlie saying that his life is perfect right now and that everything’s perfect, whilst Nick knows it’s not, because Charlie still has an eating disorder, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

- “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” “Is that a serious question?” Love them.

- Tara and Sahar, I hope you’ve learned your lesson: never ever take part in an organization committee.

- I was weirded out by the fact that they included prom in the show, since I thought there was no high school prom in the UK. It just seems like such an American/gringo thing (we have prom in my country, but it’s nothing like the gringo prom… mine was so weird and lame). But it turns out that they do have it in the UK now, likely made popular by all the classic teen dramas and rom coms that take place in high schools from the United States. But since it wasn’t in the comic either, I still thought it was a strange addition at first. However, the whole group dynamic made it work.

- Coach Singh coaxing Mr Ajayi to text Mr Farouk… that whole interaction was so precious…

- People just openly coming up to Nick and Charlie to ask if it’s true that they’re dating. Children, it’s none of your business, you don’t even know them…

- The conversation between Tao and Nick, Tao’s face as Nick mentions that Charlie is still affected by the bullying… poor Tao, he really didn’t mean for that to happen, that’s why he’s so protective of Charlie. And Nick’s face when Tao mentions his dad dying, like he’s really surprised that Tao is opening up to him. “Didn’t know about your dad…” “Don’t be weird about it.” “I’ll try.” “Good.”

- And their faces when they both realize that neither knows how bad the bullying was, because Charlie hasn’t opened up to either of them completely about it.

- And Nick and Charlie both looking so handsome in their suits, and being so gaga for each other. “I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend…” “You look… sooo… goooood! YOU LOOK SOOOO GOOD!” My favorite thing about this new season is that I’ve lost count of how many times Nick can’t resist the urge to pick up Charlie. I’m making a montage.

- “And a big public appearance as a couple… that’s definitely what we want?” Nick knows how much the attention might overwhelm Charlie. But Charlie’s not thinking about that, he’s trying to focus on the good part, the fact that he has an amazing boyfriend, that they can be together without hiding now.

- Darcy watching sourly as a mother picks up and comforts her small child, indicating that her bad relationship with her mother is not a new thing, her mother has never been nurturing or comforting or loving. And of course, how is Darcy supposed to know how to love someone if she has never been shown love in her entire life?

- Best scene ever: Elle’s dad being a ten feet tall burly man, pretending to be intimidating but then laughing it off. Will Gao’s awkward nervous laugh sends me.

- His reaction to Elle’s whole look. “You look… you… you’re so… Hello…” He’s so smitten.

- Seriously, Tao and Elle being the hottest, most stylish couple at the prom. Tara’s dress, though, is my absolute favorite.

- Tao and Elle being silly and cute for photos, and the four original friends taking a cheesy studio photo together. Love them.

- “I can’t believe Nick’s showing off his boyfriend, but none of you managed to bring a girl!” How does Harry manage to say something ‘nice’ and still make it sound like bullying? AAAND you didn’t bring a girl either, Harry, so what’s your deal??? He’s just loudly seeking attention. Where’s Tao when you need him to shut Harry down with a snarky comeback??

- The boys teasing Nick about being the first one in a relationship, like it’s no big deal. But my favorite was Christian going “I could get a girlfriend, how about Tara Jones?” Awww, has he genuinely liked Tara this whole time, or was she the first one that came to his mind? (I think he genuinely didn’t remember she’s a lesbian).

- Tara’s “How do you talk to someone about something they don’t want to talk about?” And Nick realizing that that’s what’s happening with Charlie. “Maybe you just have to try, even if it doesn’t work”. They both have to go for it. I love their friendship.

- Baby Queen‼!

- The dance routine, Elle and Tao living their best movie sequence.

- The little neon butterflies as Elle tells Tao she wants to go to Lambert, and he tells her that he knows. Yes he knows, and he knows that it will make him happy to see Elle happy, even if that means letting her go. He has to overcome his fear of abandonment. He’s not being abandoned, they’re just growing up.

- THE ACE BOOK. Give it to mee‼! Isaac is looking for an identity. And I love that it cuts to James enjoying himself too, and Tori being content by herself at a table. I hope we get more of Tori’s story in future Heartstopper seasons (and the comic too).

- And the teachers are going on an actual date!

- I don’t know what that meant, Imogen getting sort of misty-eyed looking up at Sahar playing. Maybe she’s realizing that she might have feelings for her, but my interpretation is that, since Imogen claimed that she needed to focus on herself, and since the whole season she has seemed pretty lonely, and we find out that she and Sahar used to be friends until Imogen got a boyfriend and they stopped talking to each other (regardless of who stopped first), and because Sahar revealed that she was bi and Imogen got caught unawares and thought maybe she should have known that, that Imogen’s reaction was more of a wanting to rekindle that friendship. As we saw with Tao and Charlie, and maybe now even Nick and Tao, friendships and platonic relationships are given the same importance in Heartstopper as romantic ones. Not all stares mean romance. And Imogen is looking for friends right now. (Although if it does lead to romance, I wouldn’t be mad about it… and who can deny the Lesbian Lighting??? Maybe Imogen IS into girls after all…) “Youuu, soft and lonely…”

- Isaac getting his heartstopper moment when he holds the book to his chest. YES ISAAC!

- Charlie asserting himself and asking Nick if they can leave, because he’s tired and uncomfortable of people staring and pointing. Everyone’s been so nice to their face about them coming out as a couple, but that doesn’t mean that Charlie’s not going to be worried about someone saying something nasty to either him or Nick, and it doesn’t mean that he’s not possibly going to have horrible flashbacks to being bullied. And Nick once again realizing that he doesn’t care about parties, he just wants to be with Charlie.

- Seriously, Sarah needs to adopt Darcy, replace David.

- Why would Darcy’s mum see Tara in her dress and think “oh no, a door-to-door salesperson?” She clearly doesn’t want to deal with anyone, but maybe even worse, she just wants to quickly get rid of a black girl standing at her doorstep.

- “She had another one of her tantrums last night.” Like this is typical and so it’s not a big deal that she has no idea where her daughter is…

- Group hug to heal my soul.

- “I wanted to be that person for you…” My heart. Tara and Darcy finally talking. “You’ve only seen half of my life.” “And now i’ve seen the other half, and I still love you.” “Are you sure? Because I’m a literal disaster.” “Oh I know.” That is so sweet. And Darcy practicing saying I love you until it feels normal and natural. So joyful.

- By the way, only Heartstopper can get me to listen to Taylor Swift. No offense to all the Swifties (including Patrick Watson), I love your love for Taylor, but I really don’t get it, her music just doesn’t get to me. Admittedly that song was nice for this moment. But that’s about it. But anyway… don’t come at me. I just prefer Baby Queen and Orla Gartland and beabadobee and Carly Rae Jepsen and Gabrielle Aplin and Wolf Alice and Carmody and girl in red much more in this soundtrack. AND THAT WASIA PROJECT SONG‼ Weeping‼

- I love how warm and sweet everyone in the group is to each other. Look at Tao and Nick hugging! Look at how Nick and Tara and Darcy are as much a part of the group as if they had been there for as long as the other four have been tight. Everyone deserves a friend group like that.

- I love that they included that bit from the little comic answering fan questions, where Nick realizes that maybe he’s had a crush on a boy before.

- “Now your turn”. Nick really wants Charlie to be able to open up to him, about anything. Charlie deflects, as always, and says that they don’t need to talk about it because everything’s fine, but the truth is he doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to deal with those feelings. But if he never does, he’s just never going to move past that. And Nick wants to help him, even if it’s hard, even if it’s painful, he wants to understand. “You don’t have to be perfect with me.” Charlie just shrinking into himself…

- That whole conversation, it was an impeccable performance from Joe and Kit, and I’m crying again… Nick can’t even fathom that anyone would call this beautiful boy disgusting, and he can’t even fathom the pain that would cause Charlie to hurt himself, he doesn’t even know what to do… but he’s there, he’ll be there, and he wants Charlie to know how much he cares about him. It’s so soft, the hugs, the soft voices, the kiss on the forehead, the tearful kiss, and telling him how much he loves everything about him…

- Serial hoodie thief.

- That deep sigh… that terrified look…

- Spoiler alert: Charlie doesn’t send the text… of course not… he quickly realizes that he wouldn’t just say that for the first time over text… he wants to really mean it.

This episode is brought to you by TIPTOE KISSES™.

Looking forward to next season:

- Sara and Nick’s talk at the beach in Menorca. It will destroy me, but it will be worth it.

- The ‘I love you’ shower scene, and subsequent street chase.

- The beach, and Nick and Charlie both blushing when Charlie’s putting sunscreen on Nick’s back.

- More from The Teachers™ ‼

- I’m not ready for Charlie writing the note to read to his parents… I’ll never be ready… I’ll weep until I’m out of tears…

- Charlie possibly speaking Spanish… listen Joe, Kit had to learn French, Spanish is NOTHING compared to that, you’ll be fine.

- In the comic, after Charlie faints, there’s that funny moment when Nick says “Charlie, I’m not gonna start acting like I’m your doctor and you’re my patient… *seductive smirk* *eyebrow wiggle* unless you’re into that…” “SHUT UP!” I need this moment, I need it so bad…

- More about Elle’s family, please. I already love her parents. More about all the families, really.

- More Tori, hopefully.

MORE HEARTSTOPPER, PLEASE!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!!

How are you?

I’ve been feeling stressed out about a lot of things recently and everytime I’ve felt like this in the past it’s you who always helps me out! So I’m back… (not sure it’s a good thing)

Ok so firstly let’s discuss my sexuality. So for the past 3 years I’ve identified as bisexual. I basically like all genders but do have a preference. For example, I am more attracted to masc presenting people than fem presenting people, but I also prefer queer people more often than not. Does this make sense?

This makes me bi, right? Bc I have preference?, bc sometimes I wonder if I could be pan, but pansexual is with no preference (?)

Alrighty, second thing on my mind is the dreaded gender. I’ve been questioning for about 10 months now and I feel like I’ve made progress and I wanted to talk to you about it! So I was that anon and go was spamming your asks back in like December and January bc I was so confused about what gender identity I could be. I asked about almost all of them and you truely helped me so much!

I thought I was faking it as I’m like older than most people when working this stuff out (19), but you reassured me that I wouldn’t be faking it if it was keeping me up. You also said I could be genderfluid, like you. I remember you said you had similar experience to what I was describing: I did look into that and it’s still something I think about. I know I’m not cis. Sometimes I do relate to being a ‘girl’ (as uncomfortable as that makes me feel, it’s the truth). (I am afab). I know I’m definitely not a man. And I had thoughts that I could be agender.

I’ve come to conclusion that I am non-binary, possibly genderfluid, in which fluctuates from agender to demigirl to nonbinary. (Still discovering it all though). I just wanted to come on here and thank you so much for all the help and guidance that you provided! It really means a lot and you are the most amazing human in the world for that! 🫶🏼

Ok now lastly I am a uni student, and I have placement in 2 weeks. I’m going to a school to teach… yes I’m going to be a teacher (like you!) Clothes were the initial issue with placement as clothes always make me feel dysphoric, but you helped me with that as well! The thing that’s keeping me up lately is the title of what the students will call me. Most teachers go by Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr and then their last names. I don’t want that. I know I’ll end up being called Ms ______, which makes me sad. What do students call you? Do you think it’s bad if I just tell them I want to be called by my first name or is that unprofessional? I know this is silly and I shouldn’t be overthinking it but it’s making me feel uncomfortable and sad so I thought I’d ask you for advice. (I also don’t know how I feel about Mx being used for me).

Again Cas, thank you for all the help you have provided me these last few months! I am so glad I found your blog when I did bc you have helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined! I am so so grateful for you and I hope you have everything you want in life bc you deserve it!

Enjoy your day/night :)

Hi!!!

Yes, I remember you!

Okay so for sexuality...I think this is a matter of opinion, to be honest. Like, I've read completely different things and I am by NO means an expert. But in MY opinion? If you have the ability to be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, that would be pan. Even if you have preferences. But if you're strictly only looking for certain genders, that would be bi. I hope that makes sense? Like there's a difference between having a preference and not being attracted at all.

I'm so glad I could help you with your gender! With teaching, have you ever considered just going by your last name? I think it might not be a good idea to go by first name, just because that brings you on a 'friend-level' and some kids will take advantage about it. But just your last name isn't gendered, and also give you some authority.

I'm so so glad I could help you, and please feel free to write again!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: impressive anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[yannfredericks]

saw legally blonde again the other night so once again thinking about the legally blonde yolly au I want to write one day <3

-polly is elle woods and yann is emmett forrest, obviously

-the musical has them so perfectly set up as bewildered by each other but drawn together nonetheless and then fierce, fierce friends who would do anything for each other and support each other unconditionally

-yann being bi would also be giving polly advice on how to get her ex back and what usually works with him for guys etc (or maybe she has an ex girlfriend???? something to think about)

-polly finding herself and her power through the law but also her deep rooted (but previously more subconscious) desire to help people and make the world a better place, especially for those who are marginalised in society

-they’d both befriend karl, craig, rose, albus and scorpius along the way!!! the gang found family core

-something funny to me about turning yann fredericks into mr “I don’t go to parties a lot, not good use of the time that I’ve got” ….there’s probably a scene where they do end up at a party together and polly is shocked by how hot and competent at it all he is and he’s like ‘I said I don’t go a lot, not that I don’t go at all’

-the bend and snap / gay or european turns into both yann and polly performing the bend and snap in front of the witness to test if he’s gay and when he’s only paying attention to yann, yann is both smug and proud of polly’s instincts, he probably makes some comment about how he can’t comprehend people Not looking at her

-it’s the genuine friends to lovers of it all!! they are obsessed with each other, they become each others closest and fiercest friend and they both know that there’s something more there but their friendship has become SO important they’re worried about compromising it (also yann thinks she’s still invested in getting her ex back and is trying to be supportive)

-something something polly chapman proposing to yann fredericks just feels deeply right and real

[cdyssey]

Abbott 2.19 Thoughts:

Finally getting to sit down and watch Abbott. 😭 Lots of errands this morning. Alas.

Sad cold open with everyone either panicked or resigned to what’ll happen if Legendary Charters takes over. :(

“I’M GONNA BUTTER UP DELISHA SLOSS LIKE A HOT DINNER ROLL AND SEE WHAT SHE CAN DO FOR US ON THE SCHOOL BOARD LEVEL.” BARBARA HOWARD, MA’AM, MARRY ME SKWJDIWJWJSAJ.

The way Mel was looking at her during that sequence!! When she bit her lip!! LAW just makes the most sapphic looks, lmfao.

“People always open the door for me because they think I’m a lost child.” AKQKQNSJDIWIENDNS. Quips about Janine’s height are always my fave bc I’m literally Quinta’s height.

AVA DOES LOOK GREAT. THAT DOUBLE-BREASTED BLACK BLAZER. MA’AM?

Ava said I’mma show all the ladies of Abbott how hot I am and walk off. And she’s so right.

“Oh, hey, you’re the mom with the bi—“ KAKQJWJSDNS. Love that green eye shadow. So pretty.

“EXTRA PETITE BITCH.” AKQKQOWJDJSJ. I love her.

Obsessed with Barbara being obsessed with buttering up metaphors this episode.

JACOB SAYING SON OF A BITCH AND SLAMMING THE FRIDGE DOOR. OMFG.

“I’ll do it with you after school Janine.” / Barbara: “Oooooooh!” HELP WOQOQOWJDJSJIWWJDJ.

“I’ll get engaged with you.” KQQOQOJWWIIED. Goddammit, I love Gregory Eddie.

Melissa turning a random yt dude into “Jacob” when that angry parent confronted her, lmfao.

Erica!!!!! I’m so glad that Abbott has leaned into recurring characters this season. They really add to the life of the show.

Melissa: “I get it. I wouldn’t sign anything I handed me.” That line is actually really sad. What the fuck

Ava going for a job interview?! 😭

Ava listening in on her neighbors arguing is so fuckjng funny lmao.

Loving Jacob’s energy in this episode. Chris Perfetti is having a lot of fun playing angry and stressed.

Barbara slapping her wife when she makes a mean quip towards Allie, lmfao.

Ava knows tons of names. “Barbara, Melissa, Jason, Marge…” AKSNDNS.

Jacob getting ready to FIGHT Mr. Morton.

BARBARA HOWARD GOING “WE HAVE TO TRICK THEM.” HELP ME?! DID I JUST HEAR THAT OUT OF MY FAVORITE WOMAN OF GOD’S MOUTH?!

Melissa, agreeing immediately: “No, let’s trick them.” JAKQKWSJDJWJSJ. Mel and Ava have rubbed off on Barbara, and it’s just really glorious, huh? This is not the same Barb from “Ava vs. Superintendent” or “Fundraiser.”

“Why can’t you ever give me credit for a good idea?” / “Stop making everything about you, Janine.” PLEASE. I love Ava and Janine’s push-and-pull dynamic. I think it would be fun to have them in a bottle episode, where they’re like trapped in a closet or car or elevator together or something.

Ava’s face being on the A.V.A. banner. WNDJWNS.

“Barbara’s working on a motivational speech!” / “And to them I say, this is how you Abbott!” [To Ava] “I’m thinking about ending with a song.” / “We welcome your vocal acrobatics.” BARBAVA ENJOYERS, RISE.

It will be a genuine travesty if they done let SLR sing for real on the show sometime before it’s over.

Also, I’m loving Ava’s walk-and-talk with the camera. It’s such a pointed reminder of how much in the public eye this all is and how the characters are so aware of that.

Gregory is sooooo pressed that Janine suggests calling Tariq, lmao.

Jacob dropping his phone trying to look up Jazmine Sullivan, lolololol. Chris is killing the physical comedy in this ep.

MR. J PRETENDING A CURLING IRON IS A METAL DETECTOR HELP ME WMWJKEWJSJ.

“Guilty. Serving a life sentence as an educator.” ☠️

“Listen, lady. I’m just tryin’ to dunk a white dude.” AKQKWKDJWJSJSISJ

Ava lying about Jazmine S. bc Barb said to trick people. Omfg. Oh, how the tables have turned!!!

Hulu is showing me a Jennifer Coolidge commercial, and that makes me happy. She deserves the world.

TARIQ!!

Gregory: “Get on the stage.” AKQOQOOWOWJDIEOWIEIDJD

Barbara Howard’s mouth falling the fuck open when Tariq first starts rapping. I’m laughing so hard. I love Sheryl.

“Never have I ever been so happy to hear such explicit content.” AJSJWJW

DRAEMOND!

“Did y’all get a youth pastor to do standup during my set?” AKWNDNS, Draemond does look like a youth pastor, lmfao.

MELISSA GETTING READY TO THROW A BASEBALL AT BARB, WAITING FOR HER SIGNAL. WAIT, IT’S A CUPCAKE. EVEN BETTER.

“This man is playing the Powerball wit’ our kids!” QKQKQKQOOQOWRODOEJEJDS. I fucking love Tariq.

I’m going to have “Abbott on Abbott on Abbott” in my head all week, lmao.

“Bless your soul, Draemond.” THAT WAS A BARBARA HOWARD FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

“AND THIS ONE DECIDED TO BE A JACKASS.” HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME WOWOQOOQWNEOWOWOOWKSDJWJWJS.

BARBARA HOWARD, I LOVE YOU.

“What in the Immaculate Reception?” KQKQKQKWOWOQOEIFIEJWIDSJ

“JANINE, DON’T TRY AND FIX THAT.” AKQOQKWDNSN. SHERYL WAS ON IT THIS EPISODE.

Looks like the end stinger is setting up a Tariq return to Philly!

Biggest Laugh: Everything Sheryl Lee Ralph did in this goddamn episode, but specifically JACKASS.

Favorite Scene: All the teachers in the library. That scene was so chaotic, and we got Barbara Howard proposing chicanery!!

Final Thoughts: I’m really hoping that this isn’t the end of the charter drama even if it’s a temporary resolution! It’s such an interesting conflict, and it’d be fun to see it played with a little more. Loved the camaderie between the teachers in this episode—how they were all on the same page and working together for this cause and school that they believe in. This was a very feel good episode for our favorite work family. ☺️

[flansterthefilm]

Wokeness

One of the most mind altering cringe things I've seen my entire life is a grown men, maybe in his thirties, losing his shit over the option to select your pronouns in Starfield. He yelled at the screen, he turned the game off, you could see the fires of rage in his eyes burn with the fury of a thousand suns. And one of the most captivating things that I saw said in response to this was that what he was facing mentally had to be some sort of cognitive illness. Holy shit, you're right.

I think that now more than ever there's a strong pushback against the inclusion of any type of marginalized group in media unless they submit to extremely tight standards: Women are fine as long as they're beautiful, black people are okay as long as they aren't too present and don't overshadow the white main character, and the LGBT community are tolerable permitted they aren't at all present. When media doesn't submit to this they face review bombing, unsuccessful boycotts, and even real world threats.

Most commonly we see that these aforementioned qualities not being stuck to birth Twitter rants made by people who paid $8 for a blue checkmark to appear next to their name. They'll write as much as the character limit permits about how whatever studio is responsible for the downfall of the West because some movie had a gay kiss scene or a video game let you play as a deaf black girl.

What you'll see as a pattern in a lot of cases of apparent "wokeness" is that the issue isn't so much what a character says or does but rather a character's inclusion in the first place. In a game like Horizon Forbidden West the main character, Aloy's, sexuality was met with harsh waves of criticism. She wasn't straight and that was an issue. The game didn't make a statement about gay validity vs straight validity, Aloy was just bi or lesbian, end of story. And in Marvel's Spider-Man 2 we have Hailey, a deaf black character who has an OPTIONAL side mission where things were as down to Earth as possible in a game like Spider-Man. She didn't save the day in the end, she didn't use her powers of being black and deaf to overpower the Spider-Men, she just existed. Both of these instances were met with controversy from former FASD babies who accidentally tricked themselves into thinking their opinion was worth hearing.

This criticism, however, goes beyond just dipshits on Twitter. A lot of the time we see major news outlets like Fox News take any given instance of non white, non straight, non male inclusion and turn it into a news story. Most common when Mr. Carlson was on the air, stories about the Little Mermaid being black or the Green M&M no longer being boner fuel because Mars doesn't want people to make their own salty M&Ms before they get their recipe right flooded the air. Tucker doing this unleashed the concept of wokeness unto his millions of fans, and from there conflation began.

Tucker's framing of wokeness made it seem as if any inclusion that didn't fit his ideal standards was inherently bad and worth fighting against. And his ideal standards often made it seem like marginalized groups aren't welcome when compared to straight white men when it comes to their involvement in media. Both are true. And when you have a man like him, the former most watched news personality in America, not only make it seem like the devilish concept of wokeness was just the inclusion of minorities but also validate those who already thought that way, disaster will and did strike.

(I don't believe Tucker is solely to blame however it stands to reason that he certainly didn't help the spread.)

So now we have the mere act of including and in some cases simply acknowledging these minority groups being framed as woke, and woke=bad if you haven't sumised by now.

This rather easily paves the way for any and all representation of marginalized people to be labeled as woke, and when it's labeled as such a pushback from a larger group of people is easy. Those who begin the pushback are simply angry that someone who doesn't look like them are in media they want to enjoy, that's what they see as woke. By using the word "woke" they enlist the help of the uninformed, those who think that the issue is the presence being forced or pandering, that is their version of woke. What they don't know is what they're rallying behind isn't a simple expression of proper inclusion, it's the erasure of inclusion.

From there and with repeated pushbacks the uninformed begin to conflate any inclusion with wokeness. They get mad that a gay person was on Sesame Street or The Simpsons is pro BLM. They think they're at war with pandering. This is not true, they've been radicalized.

Large, public, and vocal outcry leads to executives listening. If they believe that having a black main character is going to drop profits whereas a white one wouldn't, guess which path they'll take. And this will continue with two outcomes for each instance: the minority is replaced with future media or the minority stays and further radicalization happens.

With those who fall into the bigoted category of warriors against the "woke mob" in congress and various positions of power, fighting against what boils down to minorities being present in anything, with them being radicalized just as the uninformed had been or being radical to begin with, I hate to see what's on the horizon for my friends and I.

[beatlblog]

#did someone punch him in the nose??????????#whys he look like that (via @androcola)

#ty op i am nourished#my boygirlfriend john lennon (via @wereonourwayhome)

#yoko was right kind of#he wasn’t stripping bc he was putting clothes on but he def wanted the same effect (via @queerlennon)

#proof that men can be beautiful (via @abrd)

or maybe cos she's a woman

#John Lennon invented the reverse strip tease (via @macca-is-art)

#he’s done this before 😂#seducing the camera with his little coy striptease#in other news it’s kinda weird to see this era of john without his glasses on (via @no-reply95)

#the red circles on his nose#are his glasses giving him nose pimples? if so RIP (via @idontwanttospoiltheparty)

#the red circles on his nose#are his glasses giving him nose pimples? if so RIP (via @bluemedallion)

#what a lad#what a vibe#john can dress himself! (via @big-fan-of-men)

#he and yoko are so sweet with each other in the last gif :')#(feeling an unreasonable fondness at seeing the red marks from his glasses on his nose.#like. they're so *real* :') he was a real life man. (via @burningmatches-liftinglatches)

#and then he has the audacity to say#that he didn’t want to strip#bestie (via @themostdivinetrash)

#she's sensual she's evil she's breathtaking (via @suemesueyou)

#she's the moment#this has the vibe of the hey big spender number in sweet charity (via @mothernaturesdaughter)

#he was a gayyyyyyyyy stripper 💃🏼💃🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 (via @dilfonso)

#yoko <333 and her bird husband (via @magicalmystry)

#ooh mr! ;) (via @britishchick09)

#his blonde arm hair god.....ginger (via @aquarianshift)

#always makes me laugh that the elvispresley tumblr is a john lennon blog#oh how the tables have turned#lennon#best part of this is def yoko being like... wyd. (via @veidelon)

#never noticed before that he’s bleeding out the side of his eye in this#as one does#anyway his tits! his eyebags!#my princess <33 (via @midchelle)

#dios es igual#a él (via @punk-jules)

#messy ginger hair (via @johnylovespaulie)

#Is there any member of the Beatles who hasn't done a striptease at some point? (via @scary-ivy)

#keep thotting it up in heaven king#or whatever the meme said (via @elena-ferrante)

#yoko didnt break up the beatles but she did turn john gay. ♡♡♡ (via @surrealisticduvet)

i mean this in the most positive way possible

#why does he fail to put on that shirt soo bad (via @ernest-shackleton)

#so this is what in my language we would call coquette or koket#like#performatively slutty (via @allthingsmustgeorge)

#there is something wrong with him (via @long-long-long1968)

#I love him. He’s a whore and he fumbled that shirt so bad (via @iwannabeyourman)

#john lennon#from rough tough teddy boy#to fruity gay boy#grapefruit (via @beatlepaul4ever)

#John’s like: please take note of how fruity I am#whereas male Lennonistas of a certain (older) age are like: How DARE you say that John was bi?! WHERE’S YOUR PROOF?! 😡🤬#us: oh you know.. gestures.. everything? (via @didwemeetsomewherebefore)

#john lennon#too busy acting fruity to know how to put on a shirt (via @talkin-bout-the-boys-now)

#yoko had a front row seat to the fruitiness no wonder she called him slurs (via @noreplymp3)

#what is his issue (via @repenance)

I love women so much (via @maybeyourelocalbi)

#god he’s just#a seductive little lass!!#and this is the man who wanted the world to belive that he was straight for the longest time#sure honey#also his hair looks so good here!! (via @dancingsunbeams)

#this is deeply unsexy to me#however#tiddies#and you know#she's feeling herself (via @eveepe)

#she was feeling herself (via @friends2go)

#yer maybe yoko was right to call him slurs#hes surving such cunt#but for why#slay girl get it i guess (via @liddypaul)

John Lennon proudly dressing up for the camera (1971)

[pcwpolwrestling]

2/5-PCW Extreme Political TV-Joe Biden Goes Hollywood, Cline vs. KRC, The View vs. The '10's', and DOGE Warriors in Action

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Political TV Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Taped Saturday February 1st, 2025 Wednesday February 5th, 2025

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave and Colleen Crowder ‘Low-Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’

PCW Champion: Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) Since 2/10/2024 Contenders: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) Neal Conn (American Patriots) Mike the Mechanic (Main Street USA) PCW Women’s Champion: Catherine Cline (Independent) Since 9/21/2024

Contenders: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) Laura Brobert (American Patriots) ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (Main Street USA)

PCW Tag Team Champions: The MAGA-Powers: Starz N. Stripes and ‘The One-Man Anti-Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism- Since 3/3/2024 (American Patriots)

Contenders: The Green World Order: GreenPete/’Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) The Sports Entertainment Corporation: Gator Bates/The Alabama Kid Bi-Partisan Dream Team: Blue Dog D/RINO Main Street USA: Ken Worth-American Trucker/Farmer John Deer Wall Street World: Kirk Walstreit/P.M.C. Banks

Opening The raucous energy of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon fills the air with the sound of rabid cheers.

PCW… PCW… PCW…

In the center of the storm, ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave stands in the squared circle and raises a microphone to start the show.

Johnny Suave: Hello and welcome to PCW Extreme Political TV!  Tonight, we are coming at you from the one and only Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon!

PCW… PCW… PCW…

The crowd’s volume crescendos, a mix of boos and cheers as Colleen Crowder emerges, her expression fixed in a grimace that softens just enough to betray her amusement at the ridiculousness of it all.

Johnny Suave: I am Johnny Suave.  As always, with me is the ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ – Colleen Crowder!

Colleen’s green eyes roll behind her stylish glasses.  

Colleen Crowder: Why do you have to always put it like that?

Johnny Suave: Last week, we saw ‘The Ultimate Political Operator’ Kathryn Randall Collins defeat the American Patriot’s Laura Brobert in a Women’s Division number one contender’s match.  Next week, KRC will challenge PCW Women’s Champion Catherine Cline for the PCW Women’s title.  Tonight, both women will be here to address the crowd!

The mention of the title bout sends a wave of anticipation through the crowd. Glasses clink; the air thrums with the electricity of impending conflict.

Johnny Suave: Also tonight, we’ve got the Green World Order… Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: …square off against the Bi-Partisan Dream Team in our main event. 

He pauses for dramatic effect, allowing the frenzied shouts and chants to reach a fever pitch.

Johnny Suave: But right now, you all heard the recent remarks ‘The View’s’ Joy Behar made towards PCW CEO Donald Trump’s new spokesperson Karoline Leavitt. 

The video screen comes on and shows Joy Behar’s comments about Karoline Leavitt. “I think that she’s probably been put in there because according to Donald Trump, she’s a 10,” Behar said. “You know that’s what it is… she’s a 10.”  The crowd erupts into a cacophony of jeers and cheers as Behar’s image freezes on the phrase, “she’s a 10.”

Colleen Crowder: I find nothing wrong with what Joy said.

Johnny Suave: No matter, we’ve got a grudge match between two teams who do not like each other. You do NOT want to miss this! Let’s go to the ring right now with Kimber Marshall.

The familiar theme music from “The View” blares out, igniting the already electric air. Kimber, with her wavy brunette hair cascading over her shoulders like a theatrical curtain, strikes a dramatic pose in the center of the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Introducing, representing ‘The View,’…

Kimber pauses for effect, gesturing grandly toward the entrance,

Kimber Marshall: Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg!

The trio strides out, each step they take punctuated by the mixed reactions from the red, blue, and Heartland sections. Behar smirks knowingly while Goldberg exudes her characteristic confidence, and her eyes flash with competitive fire.

But before the echoes of their theme song fade, Kimber’s voice rises once more.

Kimber Marshall: And now, please welcome their opponents… they are ‘The 10s’!

Her announcement is met with a fresh wave of noise as Trump’s Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt and Attorney General Pam Bondi emerge. The Trump team, looking every bit the part of wrestling elite, stride down towards the ring with purpose and poise.

The trash-talking ignites, verbal jabs flying faster than a reporter’s pen on election night. Behar throws shade with the precision of a seasoned pro, while Leavitt snaps back, her retort cutting through the din. Bondi joins in, their words laced with challenge and defiance.

Johnny Suave: There’s no love lost between these two teams.

Colleen Crowder, ever the sharp-tongued journalist, leans in close to Suave, her green eyes flashing behind stylish glasses.

Colleen Crowder: Johnny, Whoopi Goldberg was right.  Without that wokeness, Karoline Leavitt might not have that job.

Johnny Suave: The referee is ready and here we go!

MATCH #1: The View (Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg) vs. The 10’s (Karoline Leavitt and Pam Bondi) The clang of the bell reverberates through Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon and without any hesitation, ‘The View’ and ‘The 10’s’ collide with a violence in the center of the ring.

Johnny Suave: ALL FOUR WOMEN CONVERGE IN THE MIDDLE AND THEY’RE GOING AT IT!

Colleen Crowder: Come on Joy!  Come on Whoopi!

The sea of spectators roars approval and dissent, the sound an overwhelming torrent that fuels the fire inside the ring. It’s a free-for-all as the entire saloon shakes with the impact of raw, unfiltered action. The fight spills beyond the confines of the ring, turning every inch of Hack’s Rusty Nail into an arena where only the politically and physically extreme survive.

Chairs clang and bodies tumble, the raucous crowd at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon on their feet for this no-holds-barred political melee.

Whoopi Goldberg, with the gravitas of a woman unafraid to wield influence, grabs a steel chair.

Johnny Suave: Whoopi’s got the chair…

She swings it with devastating intent, aiming for the head of Karoline Leavitt, who exhibits reflexes normally associated by those who’ve been honed by years of navigating political minefields. Leavitt evades at the last moment, leaving Goldberg off-balance.

Johnny Suave: …no! Missed by a mile!

Suave’s words are punctuated by the collective gasp from the crowd. Leavitt seizes her chance, retaliating with a forceful slam that sends Goldberg crashing through a nearby table.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! Goldberg’s through the table!

The impact is cataclysmic; splinters erupt into the air as if celebrating in their own macabre confetti parade. 

Much to Colleen’s irritation, the crowd roars and a chant breaks out…

PCW… PCW… PCW…

Colleen Crowder: Oh stop it already! 

The Saloon’s patrons are on their feet now, some cheering for the display of extreme athleticism, others decrying the brutality. Whoopi Goldberg lies amidst the debris, her chair-wielding arm now limp at her side.

Before the dust can settle, a new uproar erupts from the entranceway. Suave’s eyes widen, Colleen Crowder leans forward in anticipation, and the crowd parts like a sea of political partisans, their cheers and jeers reaching fever pitch.

Johnny Suave: Wait, what’s this?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez jumps over the bar where she’s been hiding and bursts onto the scene, fury etched into her battle-ready expression.   

Johnny Suave: IT’S ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ!  SHE WAS HIDING AT THE BAR!

AOC points her finger at her temple to show that she’s smarter than everyone else and zones in on Pam Bondi.

Colleen Crowder: Do it AOC!

Johnny Suave: Bondi has no clue she’s behind her.

But before anything happens, a man steps in and blocks AOC. 

Johnny Suave: THAT’S ELON MUSK! 

Cue crowd pop. 

AOC’s blindsided by the sudden appearance of the leader of the DOGE movement.  Musk does the ‘I’m smarter than you’ gesture with his finger.   

Johnny Suave: AND THAT’S KRISTI NOEM AND MEGYN KELLY!

Kristi Noem and Megyn Kelly charge into the fray wielding steel-folding chairs in hand.  

Colleen Crowder: What are they doing here?

Johnny Suave: This is so totally not your narrative.

Colleen Crowder: No it’s not!

Chairs swing, finding their target in AOC with punishing thuds.

Colleen Crowder: NOOO!

Johnny Suave: Down goes AOC! 

*WHACK*

Johnny Suave: Down goes Behar!

Colleen Crowder: Someone stop them!

Johnny struggles to be heard over the clash of metal.

Johnny Suave: Noem and Kelly are cleaning house!

Amid the chaos, Karoline Leavitt—her eyes alight with fiery determination—seizes her golden opportunity.

Leavitt grabs a disoriented Joy Behar by the arm, yanking her back to the ring’s unforgiving canvas like a marionette whose strings have been snatched by fate.

Leavitt wastes not a second. With feline agility, she rolls up Behar, who flails helplessly, caught in the sudden whirlwind pin.

Johnny Suave: Leavitt goes for the cover!

The referee, emblematic of order in this tempest of turmoil, dives into position, hand thundering down upon the mat. “One… Two… Three!”

Johnny Suave: They’ve done it! The 10’s have won!

Colleen Crowder: Dammit!

The bell’s sharp peal cleaves through the cacophony—a beacon of finality. ‘The 10’s’ are victorious; they’ve snatched triumph from the jaws of pandemonium.

In the center of the ring, Kimber Marshall’s voice swells above the din, her announcement grandiose and definitive.

Kimber Marshall: Your winners… Karoline Leavitt and Pam Bondi… ‘The 10’s!’

Leavitt, Bondi, along with Noem and Kelly revel in the spoils of war, their celebration a dance of the politically potent.

The View, though battered and beaten, rise like phoenixes from the ashes of defeat. They stagger to their feet, defiant to the end, hurling verbal salvos back at their conquerors, each word a testament to the unyielding spirit of discourse.

Johnny Suave: Well folks, we’ve got some news to report to you. Former CEO of PCW and current free agent Joe Biden has just signed a deal with talent agency CAA!

The crowd is buzzing, some with confusion, others with amusement. The wrestling ring, still quaking from the earlier brawl, seems to pulse with curiosity at the unexpected turn of events.

Johnny Suave: We’re cutting to a commercial break featuring the man himself, starring in the upcoming Fall Guy remake. Brace yourselves—this is going to be one for the history books!

***

The Fall Guy Remake Trailer The screen above the ring flickers to life, and instantly, the deep, resonant timbre of a Don LaFontaine-like voice fills the air.

Announcer Guy: In a world full of political backdrops and diplomatic throwdowns…

Onscreen, Joe Biden appears, outfitted as the quintessential Hollywood action hero, complete with aviators and a look of determination that borders on comical. He leaps from exploding cars, narrowly avoiding CGI flames that would give any stunt coordinator a nervous breakdown.

Announcer Guy: Where the stakes are high, and the punches are low…

Biden, now clad in an ill-fitting harness, swings across the set like a septuagenarian Tarzan, landing with unsteady feet before offering a thumbs-up to an off-camera aide.

Announcer Guy: One man will rise above the rest. One man will take a stand… or at least attempt to.

Cue Biden, clinging to the side of a mock helicopter, his hair wildly out of place as a fan simulates hurricane-force winds. His expression remains stoic, yet there’s a glint of humor in his eyes that suggests he’s in on the joke.

Announcer Guy: Get ready for thrills, spills, and a whole lot of gaffes…

A sequence flashes by: Biden, driving a Vespa through a crowded market chase scene, tipping over fruit stands; Biden, attempting to defuse a bomb with an oversized pair of wire cutters, only to snip the wrong wire and be greeted with a puff of harmless smoke.

Announcer Guy: Joe Biden IS… The Fall Guy!

Biden sneaks into an office and is confronted by an animatronic Mitch McConnell. 

Joe Biden: Mitch… Mitch… is that you?

The animatronic Mitch McConnell simply stares ahead… face frozen. 

Announcer Guy: There’s action…

Images flash across the screen: Joe Biden, donning shades and a smirk, leaping from exploding buildings, dodging CGI bullets, and delivering one-liners with a wink. Each stunt more ludicrous than the last, culminating in him parachuting into a Senate hearing, papers flying as he lands with a thud.

Announcer Guy: …there’s suspense…

As the trailer reaches its climax, Biden awkwardly rappels down the side of a green-screened skyscraper, delivering his lines with the same congeniality he might use to address a town hall meeting.

Announcer Guy: …there’s even some humor.

Joe Biden: Folks, I may not always stick the landing, but I promise you- I’ll always fight for justice… exclamation point…

Joe looks off at someone off-screen.

Joe Biden: Oh… I wasn’t supposed to read that?  Mpaheohwom!

The trailer ends with Biden wrestling a cardboard cutout of an international villain, both tumbling off a mock-up of Air Force One, followed by a final, emphatic title card- “The Fall Guy.”

Announcer Guy: Coming soon to a theater near you.

***

Backstage Under the harsh fluorescent lights, CEO Donald Trump stands surrounded by aides, his face set in determination, a stack of papers in hand labeled “PCW Proclamations.”

Donald Trump:  We’re streamlining this place, making it more efficient than ever! No more red tape to choke our champions. First up, we’re digitizing all contracts – blockchain style, thanks to my good friend Elon Musk. We’re going to be the most transparent political wrestling company in the world. 

Aide: PCW is the only political-

Donald Trump: That’s not the point.  Joe Biden and his cronies hid everything he did from public view.  With Elon’s help, we’re going to pull back the curtain and reveal everything! 

The aides scribble furiously, barely keeping up with the rapid-fire declarations.

Donald Trump: I want to know exactly where every penny spent went to.  PCW is trillions of dollars in debt thanks to unchecked spending and we want to get to the bottom of this.  And we’re going to do it.  Watch this commercial…

Cut to…

The screen flickers to life, the gritty overtones of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon fading into a rugged, dust-choked landscape. A muscular pickup truck, its grill gleaming like the teeth of a predatory beast, roars across the barren terrain. Its driver? None other than Elon Musk, his gaze fixed with laser-like intensity on the horizon.

Musk slams a heavy-duty boot onto the accelerator, the engine’s growl rising to a fevered pitch as he and his DOGE warriors barrel down the wasteland. They’re an eclectic crew clad in tactical gear, each one sporting a symbol – the unmistakable Shiba Inu of Dogecoin.

Narrator: Meet the DOGE warriors, a band of renegades on a mission to sniff out waste and streamline the system!

The truck skids to a halt beside a dilapidated building labeled ‘Department of Redundancy Department.’ Musk hops out, a glint of determination sparkling in his eye. His DOGE warriors follow, brandishing tablets and futuristic tools.

Narrator: Watch them dig up the dirt… 

The warriors charge into the building,

Narrator: …and bury inefficiency for good!

A warrior wields a chainsaw, slicing through a tangled mess of red tape that binds a colossal pile of paperwork. Another one hacks into a computer, lines of code streaming down the screen as she eradicates needless processes.

Narrator: From the power-hungry politicians…  

Hakeem Jefferies, Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren, Chris Murphy and other members of the Progressive Alliance throw a fit. 

Narrator: …to the slack-jawed pencil pushers, NO WASTED DOLLAR IS SAFE!

The truck is now a mobile command center, maps and screens displaying their targets. Musk points to a location marked ‘Unnecessary Meetings Gulch,’ a determined nod to his team. They pile back into the truck, ready to hunt down the next inefficiency.

Narrator: Armed with technology, tenacity, and the will to act, these warriors don’t just face the problem—they RAM right through it!

The truck launches off a ramp, soaring over a canyon of cash. Musk doesn’t flinch; he’s seen higher stakes in the boardroom. They land with a ground-shaking thud, leaving a trail of innovation in their wake.

The truck vanishes into the sunset, a dust cloud billowing behind it like the banner of a revolution. But wait, there’s more…

Donald Trump:  Next, we’re implementing a new ranking system – algorithm-based, completely objective, absolutely no fake rankings. It’s going to be tremendous!  It’s going to be merit-based… not politically motivated.

Aide: Sir, Musk is on line two.

He holds out a phone.

Donald Trump: Tell him I’m busy making PCW great again.

Trump snatches the phone. Trump barks into the phone, the scene fades back to the ring, where the energy remains electric, the crowd hungry for more political pandemonium.

***

Cut back to the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: Welcome back.  Let’s go to the ring and Kimber Marshall.

She stands confidently in the ring, wearing a dazzling emerald green dress that shimmers under the lights, paired with sleek black heels. Her outfit is completed with sparkling silver earrings that catch the eye with every movement.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the ring, your PCW Women’s champion – Catherine ‘The Wunderkind’ Cline!

Catherine Cline Promo Catherine bursts onto the scene, a blur of youthful vigor wrapped in championship gold. She races down the aisle, every step punctuated by the cacophony of cheers from the red, blue, and Heartland sections, all united in their adoration for the Iowan dynamo. Her hands slap against outstretched palms, a tactile connection that sends thrills through the crowd.

She pauses, dropping to one knee to level with young girls who gaze up at her with wide-eyed wonder. Flashbulbs pop like fireworks as smartphones capture these fleeting moments of inspiration, each selfie a snapshot of dreams being nurtured by their champion’s touch.

Catherine Cline: Thank you!

She rolls under the bottom rope with an athlete’s grace to stand center stage in the squared circle.

Catherine Cline: Thank you for riding with me on this wild journey to the PCW Women’s title!

The fans hang onto her every syllable, their chants rising like a tide,

You deserve it! *clap clap clapclapclap* You deserve it!

The air is thick with the electricity of shared dreams and hard-earned triumphs.

Catherine Cline: Living the dream…

Her voice is a beacon of sincerity cutting through the din.

Catherine Cline: …and it’s all thanks to you, the heartbeat of PCW!

She sweeps a hand across the sea of faces, her gratitude showing.

Catherine Cline: I’m new in this game, but together, we’ve climbed mountains!

She plants her feet, her championship belt glinting under the lights, a symbol of the sweat and sacrifice that got her here.

Catherine Cline: Because of you, I am the PCW Women’s champion, and-

The heavy thud of boots on wood announces her before she even steps into the limelight. Kathryn Randall Collins- ‘The Ultimate Political Operative’ and the Progressive Alliance’s top women’s wrestler strides down the aisle with the authority of a seasoned campaign trail blazer.

A hush falls over Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon as KRC ascends the steel steps, her eyes locked onto Catherine Cline standing center-ring, championship belt shimmering like a beacon of hard-fought victory.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Congratulations…

KRC’s voice drips with the kind of condescension typically reserved for political debates.

Kathryn Randall Collins: But let’s face the harsh truth of the ballot box—this matchup is a travesty.

Her gaze never wavers from Catherine’s, who meets her stare with steely resolve.

Kathryn Randall Collins: You, dear Catherine, can’t even begin to lace my boots. It’s I who should be adorned with that title.

The crowd stirs, dissension bubbling in the ranks as murmurs and jeers punctuate KRC’s every calculated pause.

Kathryn Randall Collins: I’m PCW’s longest-serving combatant on the women’s roster, the champion in waiting. Next week, I will put you down like a diseased dog.

She pauses for effect, letting the gravity of her words sink in.

Kathryn Randall Collins: Consider other options, while you still have choices to make.

A defiant fire sparks within Catherine as she steps up to KRC, their faces inches apart in a tense standoff.

Catherine Cline: I’m tired, KRC, bone-weary of your incessant declarations about what I can and cannot be!

The crowd erupts, rallying behind their champion. Catherine’s voice rises above the fervor, strong and unwavering.

Catherine Cline: Next week, here at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, I will walk out just as I walked in—still the PCW Women’s Champion!

KRC smirks, unflappable and calculating. 

Colleen Crowder: Kathryn Randall Collins is the rightful PCW Women’s champion.  Catherine Cline should have waited her turn and gave KRC the respect she deserves.

As they stand there, eye to eye, it’s evident this isn’t merely a contest for a title- it’s an ideological war waged in the squared circle of PCW.

Johnny Suave: The battle lines have been drawn. Their clash next week will be epic, a showdown of political prowess and wrestling finesse for the PCW Women’s title.

***

Backstage The Bi-Partisan Dream Team huddle together, their attire a symbolic fusion of their political allegiances.

RINO: The new PCW CEO brings us a fresh start, and it’s high time to step up.

RINO’s red, white, and blue tights shimmer under the harsh fluorescent lighting as he throws a supportive arm around Blue Dog ‘D’.

Blue Dog D: Compromise isn’t weakness; it’s our greatest strength.

Blue Dog ‘D’s��� blue mask concealing his expression but not the conviction in his words.

Blue Dog D: It’s about doing what’s right for all—reaching across this ring like we reach across the aisle.

Their message, a rallying cry for unity, resonates through the room, but it doesn’t go unchallenged.

SFX-the screen goes static and crackling.

Cut to another corner of the backstage maze, where Berkley, California Professor McCarthy stands on a makeshift soapbox, his “good book” held high like a beacon for his followers—the Flock and allies from The Green World Order. Their expressions are as hardened as their resolve.

Professor McCarthy: Compromise?

McCarthy scoffs, his voice slicing through the relative peace like a siren.

Professor McCarthy: That’s the language of the weak!  

Codee Pink nods vehemently, her pink attire a stark contrast against the grey backdrop. Emily S. List clenches her fists, The Legion of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF radiate silent solidarity, and The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior stands poised for proverbial battle.

McCarthy continues, his eyes ablaze with fervor.

Professor McCarthy: Progress isn’t made by meeting in the middle! ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, you know what I’m talking about!

Brock Cole Lee gives a sharp nod, his vegan leather boots planted firmly on the ground. McCarthy turns to the others.

Professor McCarthy: PeaceNick, GreenPete… you all understand the stakes here. We are the enlightened ones, the intellectually superior! To those out there who resist…

His gaze pierces the camera lens, reaching beyond to an unseen audience.

Professor McCarthy: If you are unenlightened, and I’m talking to you in ‘flyover country,’ red states and, counties all across the nation who aren’t as worldly as we are, you need to throw their support towards those are intellectually superior…like us.  If you don’t, we will shout you down just like the Green World Order is going to do to the Bi-Partisan Dream Team.

A collective cheer erupts from The Green World Order and McCarthy’s Flock, their voices melding into a raucous crescendo of unwavering conviction. They stand united, an unyielding force in the face of compromise, ready to take their dogma to the extreme.

***

Commercial Break A package of Jeff Spinks Beef Jerky is superimposed in the middle of a campground.  There’s a truck with a camper in the bed parked in a forest area with plenty of trees.

Announcer: Jeff Spinks Beef Jerky presents Messing Around with Lauren Boebert- Colorado’s 4th Congressional District representative.

Three men sit around a campfire.  The one on the left is crouched down on the ground munching on a piece of Jeff Spinks Beef Jerky.  The other two are drinking coffee from a mug.  

There’s a rustling by an old barn where four trash cans are located.  All four are overflowing over the top.  All three look over and see Lauren Boebert with an empty water bottle in her hand.  She’s wearing shorts and a tank top as she’s out for a run.

Lauren Boebert: Hey guys.  Do you know if there’s any other trash receptacles nearby?

The crouching guy snacking on the beef jerky gets an idea.  He reaches into his rucksack and pulls out one of those trick cans that sprays out plastic snakes when you open it up. 

Guy #1: Hey guys.

He shows the can to the others. 

Lauren Boebert: Um.  You do know that I can hear you, right?

The other two snicker at the idea.  The man on the far right who’s wearing a plaid lumberjack jacket points to a rock in front of Lauren and the other guy ‘sneaks’ over there with the can.

Lauren Boebert: Okay.  You do know that I can see you sneaking up here.

The other two watch as the guy places the can on the rock, with Lauren observing him, and then ‘sneaks’ back to the campfire.

Lauren looks down at the can. 

Lauren Boebert: All right. I know what’s inside the can.  I’m going to open it up.  These plastic thingys are going to come flying out.  And then I’m going to have to do something really bad to you guys.

The three campers simply stare at her.

Lauren sighs.

Lauren Boebert: Okay…fine.

She opens the can.  Two plastic snakes fly out and the campers begin to laugh.  Lauren gives out a ‘look’ that said ‘seriously?’  She exhales, turns, and runs into the woods.

The three campers scurry towards their camper just as Lauren comes back out with a rather ominous looking weapon in hand.

Guy #2 (panicked shout): OH *BLEEP*, SHE’S GOT AN RPG! 

Guy #1: AN RPG?

Guy #3 (even more panicked): RUN!

As the campers veer off into the woods, Lauren smiles…aims…and fires the Rocket Propelled Grenade into the camper and blows it up.

Final scene: a package of Jeff Spinks Beef Jerky superimposed over the burning camper and the debris field around it.

Announcer: Jeff Spinks Beef Jerky.  Feed your irrationally foolish side.

***

Cut back to the broadcast table.

Johnny Suave: As we noted earlier in the show, former CEO of PCW, Joe Biden has hopped aboard the CAA express, signing on with the talent agency.

The crowd’s reaction is a wild mix of cheers and jeers, echoing off the walls of the saloon like a chorus of discordant slams against the mat.

Johnny Suave: So now, buckle up for another sneak peek at what the former CEO is doing in Hollywood. Roll the footage!

The raucous ambiance of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon dims as the screen flickers to life, bathing the crowd in a flickering glow. The bombastic music hits, and the voice, gravely and grandiose, booms over the speakers.

Announcer Guy: In a world where politics meets the afterlife…

Joe Biden, decked out in shades and a flamboyant Hawaiian shirt, lounges lifelessly in a beach chair, the center of everyone’s gawking despite his comedic stillness.

With a jarring cut, the scene transposes to a CGI ocean, where Biden—the Bernie of this beach bash—is propped up on a surfboard by none other than Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman. They ride a digital wave so unconvincing it could be straight out of a low-budget 80s flick, yet the crowd roars with delight, reveling in the absurdity.

Announcer Guy: Exploding Sheep Pictures proudly presents… the one, the only, Joe Biden in the uproarious remake of the century- Weekend at Bernie’s! Get ready for an uproarious ride as the hilarity reaches new heights!

Then, the hilarity escalates. We’re whisked away to a tropical luau, the heat and firelight flickering across the sand. There’s Bernie-Biden, stiff as a board, being used as the limbo stick under a fiery bar by his two desperate co-stars. It’s an exercise in slapstick precision, their movements both awkward and determined as they navigate the political puppet through the dance.

Announcer Guy: But wait, there’s more!

���Bernie” Biden, shades still plastered to his face, is now the unlikely star of a conga line, his body jerked and jostled through the motions. The camera zooms in as bumbling partygoers latch onto him, their hands guiding his limp limbs in an exaggerated shimmy that sends his arms flailing comically.

Announcer Guy: And just when you think it couldn’t get any crazier…

Suddenly, the screen transitions to a raucous city hall scene where, through a series of outrageous mishaps and misunderstandings, Bernie-Biden—still hilariously inert—is declared the new mayor. Confetti flies, the crowd gasps, and the satirical absurdity hits its peak.

Announcer Guy: Weekend at Bernies… coming soon to a theater near you!

The trailer wraps up with a victorious shot of Bernie-Biden being hoisted up by the jubilant citizens, his lifeless form the puppet of the people.

As the trailer hits its crescendo and fades to black, the infectious energy of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon snaps back to reality. Glasses clink and beer sloshes as patrons debate over the ridiculousness they’ve just witnessed—a perfect blend of satire and slapstick served up PCW-style.

Johnny turns to Colleen- who looks mortified.

Johnny Suave: So, what do you think?

Colleen Crowder: I think it’s totally disrespectful to a great man. 

Johnny Suave: All right… it is about time for our main event.  Let’s go to Kimber Marshall in the ring for the introductions.

MAIN EVENT: The Green World Order (Progressive Alliance) vs. the Bi-Partisan Dream Team The charged atmosphere of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon is palpable as Kimber Marshall’s voice booms over the thunderous crowd.

Kimber Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for our main event! Introducing… RINO… Blue Dog ‘D’… they are The Bi-Partisan Dream Team!

RINO, cloaked in the proud hues of America, strides confidently down the ramp, followed by Blue Dog ‘D’, his blue mask reflecting the lights like a beacon of moderate politics. They raise their hands, acknowledging the cheers of the Heartland Coalition section, their optimism unyielding.

But before they can reach the sacred squared circle, shadows descend upon them…

Johnny Suave: IT’S PROFESSOR McCARTHY’S FLOCK! 

Professor McCarthy’s Flock… The Legion of Anti-Fascists, aka LOAF #1 and LOAF #2, storm the scene with dogmatic fury and ambush RINO and Blue Dog ‘D’. Their fists are gavels, pounding judgment into the Dream Team.

Johnny Suave: They’re attacking the Bi-Partisan Dream Team! 

Peta from PETA gets a kick in before she raises a microphone to her mouth.

Peta from PETA: We’re changing… everything!

Peta from PETA’s rallying cry cuts through the mayhem, her fist clenched in revolutionary fervor. The Green World Order floods the arena floor, a tidal wave of eco-extremist wrath joining the beatdown. They stomp on bipartisanship, each kick a metaphor for their disdain for compromise.

The new leader of the Progressive Alliance, Ken Martin, walks out on stage to watch.

Johnny Suave: Ken Martin just stands there, overseeing this ideological destruction.

Ken Martin, the embodiment of the Progressive Alliance’s new direction, nods solemnly from the stage. His eyes are cold, calculating- watching as the Dream Team’s hopes are dismantled beneath an onslaught of boots and dogma.

As the final seconds tick away, Professor McCarthy seizes a camera, thrusting his ‘good book’ toward the lens with evangelical zeal.

Professor McCarthy: Let’s make this perfectly clear.  There will be no compromise. 

His voice resounds with an authority that chills the air.

Professor McCarthy: It doesn’t matter who you are.  CEO Trump or some poor ignorant schlump in flyover country.  If you don’t follow the ‘good book’… we will shout you down!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The show ends not with a bell but with the image of the Green World Order posing triumphantly in the ring, their stance unyielding, their message clear: in this world of extreme political wrestling, theirs is the only voice that matters.

Epilogue The screen cuts from the chaos of the ring to a starkly different scene. There’s Joe Biden, climbing the steps of Air Force One with stately poise. It’s serene, almost presidential, until—suddenly—he stumbles. His foot catches on an unseen obstacle, and his balance wavers dangerously.

Narrator: Life comes at you fast.

The narrator’s voice drips with gravitas. Biden wobbles, arms flailing in slow motion as he tries to regain equilibrium, but it’s no use. Down he goes, tumbling backward with a thud that echoes through the living room screens of PCW fans everywhere.

Narrator: Especially when you least expect it.

Biden lies sprawled on the steps, looking up at the sky with a mix of bewilderment and resignation.

Joe Biden: I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

Narrator: Life Alert: for those moments when the world is unpredictable.

[newstfionline]

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Teacher shortages are spreading around the world (Worldcrunch) The world is short on teachers. According to a UNESCO report, last year 9% of primary school teachers left the profession, double the rate in 2015. The report blames low pay, poor working conditions, and the high-stress nature of the job for this exodus. In the United States, teacher shortages have led to doubled class sizes, the burgeoning of online courses, and, in some cases, lowered standards when it comes to hiring. One analysis found that the majority of U.S. states are experiencing a shortage of teachers, with turnover rates increasing sharply during the COVID-19 pandemic. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 45% of public schools reported being understaffed, and “hiring elementary and special education teachers remains a challenge”. Europe’s wealthy countries, including France, Germany, Portugal, Italy, and Sweden, are also grappling with the teacher crisis. Part of the reason for this, according to Régis Malet, professor of education at the University of Bordeaux, is the gradual erosion in the social status of teachers. The profession went from “a job with high added social value, prestige, to a form of uncertainty in the mission, loss of meaning and ultimately dissonance between the school and life,” he told Euronews.

Nicaragua’s Miss Universe title win exposes deep political divide in the Central American country (AP) Nicaragua’s increasingly isolated and repressive government thought it had scored a rare public relations victory last week when Miss Nicaragua Sheynnis Palacios won the Miss Universe competition. But the “legitimate joy and pride” President Daniel Ortega’s government expressed in a statement Sunday after the win quickly turned to angry condemnation, after it emerged that Palacios graduated from a college that was the center of 2018 protests against the regime—and apparently participated in the marches. Ordinary Nicaraguans—who are largely forbidden to protest or carry the national flag in marches—took advantage of the Saturday night Miss Universe win as a rare opportunity to celebrate in the streets. Palacios’ victory—along with photos she posted on Facebook in 2018 of herself participating in the protests—overjoyed Nicaragua’s opposition.

Violence in Dublin over knife attack (Washington Post) Right-wing protesters angered by a stabbing attack they believed had involved someone of immigrant background rampaged through central Dublin on Thursday night, leaving behind a trail of burning destruction. Ireland’s police chief on Friday described the unrest, in which double-decker buses, trams and police cars were torched, as “scenes that we have not seen in decades.” The violence and looting through some of Dublin’s most famous streets began after a stabbing attack outside a school that left five people hospitalized. They included three young children and a woman. Police detained a man who also is being treated for injuries. Rumors spread online that the perpetrator of the attack was an immigrant or had an immigrant background. The BBC said the man was an Irish citizen who had lived in the country for 20 years. People the police later described as far-right protesters disrupted the crime scene, chanting anti-immigrant slogans and took to the streets of Dublin, setting vehicles ablaze and clashing with police. 34 people were arrested.

Families Ripped Apart as Pakistan Expels Tens of Thousands of Afghans (NYT) On the day Baz Gul’s world was shattered, he was out scavenging garbage with his 10-year-old son, hoping to earn a few dollars to provide for his family of five. He and his son were arrested on Sept. 12 in the Pakistani city of Karachi during a raid on Afghan migrants. Mr. Gul, 30, was born and raised in Karachi and married his wife there. But as the son of refugees who fled to Pakistan in 1992, he is a citizen of Afghanistan—and no longer welcome in the country of his birth. His wife, Ram Bibi, 29, also an Afghan citizen, sold valuables to hire a lawyer who could argue that Mr. Gul was a legal resident of Pakistan. But he was deported to Afghanistan on Nov. 13, after Pakistan set a deadline for all 1.7 million illegal migrants to leave, most of them Afghans. Mr. Gul is now stranded in a country he does not know, leaving his pregnant wife and his children at the mercy of impoverished relatives to survive. The Gul family is one of hundreds that have been torn apart, rights activists say, as refugees from Afghanistan have poured out of Pakistan, heeding the deportation order or being forcibly removed under a crackdown that followed a rise in tensions between the two countries.

Myanmar’s rebel groups (Washington Post) For decades, Myanmar’s ethnic minorities have rebelled against the country’s military, but mostly on their own and with little success. Now, however, nearly three years after a military coup ousted Myanmar’s democratic government and triggered a civil war, it’s these ethnic rebels, camped out in the country’s mountains and jungles, who pose the biggest potential threat to the ruling junta. While Western governments and international aid agencies have focused much of their attention on the pro-democracy forces led by exiled members of the ousted civilian government, it is increasingly the ethnic rebels tenuously allied with them who are shaping the trajectory of the conflict, security analysts say. These groups have troops, guns and grenades. They control territory, collect taxes and run schools and hospitals. Just in recent weeks, they’ve notched battlefield victories that security analysts say have pushed the junta into its weakest position since the coup. The decisive role of ethnic insurgents in the conflict has come into sharp relief in recent weeks after an alliance of several other rebel groups launched a surprise offensive in Myanmar’s northern Shan state, forcing the military to publicly cede control over major townships. In the south, Karen rebels and their allies, the Karenni, launched simultaneous attacks on military bases, while in the west, a militia representing ethnic Rakhine people opened a new front in the war against the military.

The Taiwan party toughest on China has a strong lead as election nears (Washington Post) China’s hopes for political turnover in Taiwan—to a government more favorable to Beijing—appear likely to be dashed, with the independence-leaning Democratic Progressive Party on course to secure an unprecedented third term. That is raising fears of even more Chinese military aggression around the democratic island, and the prospect of reignited U.S.-China tensions. Taiwan has never been ruled by the Chinese Communist Party, but Beijing claims it as its territory. The fate of Taiwan has long been the most volatile issue between Beijing and Washington, and a flare up over the results of voting Jan. 13 could derail efforts to stabilize relations. In the past, Beijing has ramped up military intimidation toward Taiwan before and after the vote, to signal readiness to use force if Taipei refuses to submit to Chinese Communist Party rule indefinitely. This time the presidential races come as Chinese military planes and ships have surrounded the island so frequently and in such large numbers over the past 15 months that U.S. officials warn of “miscalculations” spiraling into accidental conflict.

Ceasefire takes hold in Gaza ahead of hostage release (BBC/Worldcrunch) Fighting has paused in Gaza and, after a 24-hour delay, the hostage deal between Israel and Hamas has come into effect. 13 Israeli hostages, 10 Thais and 1 Filipino were freed. After the guns went quiet, humanitarian aid began entering Gaza from Egypt—200 lorries a day are expected, which aid workers say is not enough. In Khan Younis, further north, Palestinians tell say they are "very happy" about the pause in fighting, though they know they may only have four days before the bombs start dropping and tanks start rolling again. Some will continue sifting through the rubble, looking to find trapped family members, after searches were interrupted by new rounds of air attacks. Other Gazans will try to find shelter in what they’ve been told are safer areas in the south of the Palestinian enclave. Some will hurry back to inspect their homes, especially in the northern half of the strip where Israeli ground forces have battled Palestinian militants for weeks.

Many in Middle East blame United States for devastation in Gaza (Washington Post) The entire front page of a Lebanese newspaper this month displayed President Biden’s face superimposed over pictures of dead Palestinian children, under a headline declaring “Western genocide.” In Egypt and some Persian Gulf states, once-bustling Starbucks and McDonald’s outlets sit empty thanks to a boycott of U.S. brands. And in Beirut, Tunis and other Arab capitals, protesters have marched on U.S. diplomatic missions, sometimes burning American flags, to vent their fury at the staggering death toll in Gaza. The prevailing view throughout the Middle East is that while Israel is doing the fighting, this is an American war. Without the diplomatic cover and high-tech munitions provided by the United States, the reasoning goes, Israel wouldn’t be able to carry out the massive operation it launched in Gaza to “eradicate Hamas” that a U.N. official this week said has caused “complete and utter carnage.” In Arab nations, where solidarity with the Palestinian cause has endured for decades, millions are watching as the only force they see as powerful enough to stop the bloodletting in Gaza instead defends it. The U.S.-backed pause in fighting is generally welcomed, but it falls short of Arab calls for the United States to back a longer truce.

In Harare, warnings about dollarization for Argentina (Reuters) From Zimbabwe’s capital Harare to Quito in Ecuador, green bills circulating on the streets and in shops with images of U.S. presidents reflect a big choice that has been made: picking the dollar over the local currency to bring economic stability. The two countries offer a lesson—and warnings—for Argentina, the latest nation globally to toy with the idea of ditching an embattled local tender in favor of the greenback, a signature campaign pledge of President-elect Javier Milei. Zimbabwe abandoned its currency in 2009 to combat hyperinflation, opting for a multi-currency system centered on the U.S. dollar. The government reintroduced the local currency in 2019, but it rapidly lost value. Most transactions are currently in greenbacks. Zimbabwe’s dollarization story is as full of warnings as it is with promise. Many people watched as their savings were erased when the dollar was adopted in 2009. “We just woke up and there was nothing in the account anymore,” banker Bongiwe Mudau told Reuters. “This included my life assurance and medical aid. All was gone in just a day. Dollarization wiped out everything I had saved.” The 47-year-old mother of three, said, however, that dollarization eventually brought stability in prices. From 2008, when prices were doubling almost every day—one of the largest hyperinflations ever recorded—prices fell 7.7% in 2009, according to the International Monetary Fund. “For the first time in years I could budget with a clear understanding that prices would not change. We had a semblance of order in the economy,” Mudau said.

Madagascar president on course for reelection as supporters claim they were promised money to vote (AP) Madagascar President Andry Rajoelina was on course to win reelection Thursday after a vote boycotted by most opposition candidates and as supporters of his party claimed they were promised money in return for backing him. With 85% of ballots counted, Rajoelina had received 59.7% of the vote in last week’s election, according to the national electoral commission. Such a margin of victory would eliminate the need for a runoff election and give him a third term as leader of the Indian Ocean island of 28 million. People have lined up outside the offices of Rajoelina’s TGV party in Antananarivo and other major towns since last week to collect party membership cards, which they claimed would allow them to be paid for their votes. Some said they had been promised about $75 for voting for Rajoelina. TGV has denied promising any money to its supporters. However, party officials have said the membership cards would give people preferential treatment for any future government handouts of food and other provisions in a country the World Bank says has one of the world’s highest poverty rates.

[techboykinniespeaks]

It's pride month, u know what that means

My problematic faves said bi rights

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

Feb 2023 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) ep 9 of 12 - WinSound totally won me over in this ep. They were great. Their competitive style of romance, made me really happy. Double tsundere it’s so rare to get and not be annoying or depressing. Of course the mains were adorable too. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) ep 8 of 12 - Solid little episode. Perth in the pool, thank U BL gods. Peeling the shrimp to rope, always a favorite of mine. Some awesome couple flirting and a nice romantic sex scene. What’s not to like about this episode?

Hit Bite Love (Sat YouTube) ep 2 of 6 - King is fucking adorable. Burger is clueless and (apparently) entirely straight. Shogun is one of the gayest characters ever put in high school BL. Heda is kinda awesome, basically a chaos wingman. Matteo is interesting. I genuinely like the central friendship between King & Shogun a lot. Queer baby besties! It’s Ming & Wayo-esk but better. Holy KINK FEST outta nowhere, BLman! I’m getting total whiplash with this show. Very Make It Right. What does it want to be? Who tf knows but I’m into it, that’s for sure. It’s accomplishing something, which most pulps don’t.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) ep 11fin - my backup computer is down so I haven’t had a chance to watch this yet. Hopefully but next week’s report.   

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) ep 6 of 10 (or 11&12 of 20) - Jonny’s hair is driving me nuts. Hai Yi’s behavior is confusing me too. Office boys remain totally adorable. Very doomy mid run ep 6. Ah Taiwan, how unpredictable you are. 

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - these weirdos make for very strange boyfriends. Frankly? K seems like a useless bit of business, if you ask me. 

Individual Circumstances (Korea Thurs Viki) ep 5-6 of 8 - I’m just annoyed with Mr. Tsundere at this point, he’s gone from grumpy to mean. I just want him to have a really good reason for having disappeared without saying anything, and good does not mean “sensitive pathetic authorial feels.” You don’t abandon your best friend just because you fell in love with them, that’s an unforgivably shitty thing to do. 

The End Of The World, With You AKA Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu (Japan Sun Gaga ep 1 of 8 - Stars Toshiki Seto (Senpai, This Can't Be Love). The world is about to be destroyed by a meteor, so Masumi visits his old uni library to read as much as he wants until the end. There he meets Ritsu, his player ex. It’s a bit awkward, and I’m not sure about the premise (it scares me that it might be sad). It’s racier, gayer, and has better kissing than i was expecting (again a sign it might go dark). Also Is Ritsu a big time bi-slut player or is that Masumi’s perspective? Regardless I’m intrigued if wary. 

Finished this week

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) ep 7fin - They are so cute it’s unbelievable. I thought it was a good office romance ending, if not a great Bl ending. All in all this is a darn near perfect nugget of an office romance BL, sweet and much gayer than we have any right to expect from Korea. Rainbow rice cakes forever! 9/10

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) ep 12fin - It’s a serviceable series about hot swimmers flirting and dealing with family drama in a sweetly earnest manner, but ultimately it squanders the talent in play. I would’ve preferred a cleaner narrative arc, less angst and more plot, fewer couples, and a shorter series. That said, there’s nothing objectively wrong, sub-standard, or off-putting about this show. And it has lots of consent and other good qualities. It’s fine. Watch along here. 8/10

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - I did think a lot over why I disliked this one. Because on the surface it’s just your standard slightly terrible Thai pulp, and I’m usually not that mean about them. I think in the end it comes down to the uke who just seemed to never warm to the boy pursuing him, and never really actually wanted to be his boyfriend. Also terrible dead fish kiss. 5/10 

Gossip

Apparently we have new scions (waves goodbye to BrightWin) - GeminiFourth: The Crown Princes of BL. If you’re wondering how their chemistry is so good (My School President), this article may explain it. 

In Case You Missed It

Caught up on 2020′s The Reason Why He Fell In Love With Me. (Gaga picked it up and I’ve been wanting to see it since it got announced in 2019.) 

TRWHFILWM Series 1 - 2 teachers who work together at the same high school, one outgoing and the other reserved, start an affair. Gave me Ossan’s Love vibes and that is my least favorite kind of JBL. It’s just far too cartoonish and slapstick and I don’t like it. That said, it has several kisses, a happy ending, and they are cute together. So if you can this style BL, it you might like it. 

TRWHFILWM Special - Completely ignores the first couple and the teacher premise, carrying over just one main character, and should have been a new BL (Boys Love flashbacks). I understand 2021′s season 2 continues this tactic. But I’ll watch it eventually. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Not a lot actually, which is cool, I still got some 2022 catching up still to do. Why You Y Me, may be? 

Starting: 

Moonlight Chicken (Weds? YouTube) 1 of 8 -   

My Beautiful Man S2 - ??? sorry I’m scared of this one and not really paying attention, it being Japan and a desirable property, I’m assuming it will either be impossible to find or just show up on my dash in 2 places at once. 

Feb releases list is here. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments some are inaccurate, NOT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Hit Bite Love it’s classic terrible Thai pulp and I’m kinda loving it. 

Thank you very much GMMTV. 

FINALLY! 

Also FINALLY. 

More FINALLY (My School President). 

I love the acknowledged combative nature of this relationship. It’s great. 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Under the Skin by &team, eh, it’s catchy I guess

[whysojiminimnida]

THE GAYEST GAY I'VE SEEN TODAY Or: 2020 Grammys VLive ft. Usher, Namjoon and the Jeon-Parks, PART ONE

Poetic, no? No. Anywho:

When Jimin saw Usher at the 2020 Grammys ... BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I mean okay the man BARKED but who wouldn't? In this house we.... say it with me... watch original content for truth and context and people who don't have doorknobs for braincells, amen. Plus it's 16 minutes of so much cute I CAN'T.

Two things. One: Usher defies gender and orientation. I'M NOT WRONG ABOUT THIS I KNOW MANY A STRAIGHT MAN WHO... okay. I KNOW MANY A BI MAN. But even the girl-leaning guys are like "but it's Usher tho" very much like... anyone who ever sees Jimin. I'm JUST SAYING. But , (b), Jimin has a type. He likes muscle men and smart men. He is not choosy about the color of skin over said muscles - if anything he has shown a fondess for chocolate and honey over vanilla. He is all about equality and appreciation of the male form. WE KNOW THIS IS TRUE WE HAVE SEEN IT IN STORIES.

But still, not entirely my point. I'm GETTING TO IT.

The gayest gay I've seen in many a moment is Mr. Jeon over there. Keeping in mind that the Jeon-Parks, by 2020, were quite a well-established domestic partnership of the unstr8 variety, Koo's reactions are...fun to watch. Especially since, and this is important, They were at the Grammys and therefore on Bang PD-watch.

Don't laugh. Bangwatch is real. The Toadlickkers have a little teensy bit of that right. A very little bit but it is there.

The Company has, at times, in my observation, very likely told the kids to keep it quiet down in front. And this was one of the most glaringly obvious of those times - we hardly saw the JPs together AT ALL. They were not in REACH of each other most of the night. Seating arrangements, even for this Live, were planned and executed with military precision and it shows.

Yeah.

I'm LIVING.

LOOK AT HIS FAAAACE the Jeon half of the household is almost worshipful. It's fair, because Jimin looks unearthly here. He is glowing. He is beautiful. The man is art and on a night when they all look fantastic, not least Koo himself, Jimin arguably outshone everyone on that stage. So, appreciation. Props to Koo, we love a man who knows what's going back to the hotel with him.

But also we have just the barest little hint of unease. First off, Usher, which even to Jungkook MIGHT be forgivable, even okay. It's Usher. But also they were onstage with Lil Nas X, not the least gay man in the world, and LNX is OUT OUT. No closets of gold or any precious metal for that man - who happens to be YOUNGER than Jungkook. And Jimin looked beautiful on that stage. Next to Namjoon.

And then there's Namjoon fangirling all over and he and Jimin are just kekekeing ON A LIVE where, I will remind you, JIMIN BARKED WHILE LOOKING LIKE THAT and...Jungkook kinda has to just sit there and take it, and this is one of those times where they know they are being watched by ARMY and also by Namjoon and by their boss and... Namjoon knows it too. He KNOWS. And he LOVES to get his digs in on the guys when he can and can you blame him? The things this poor man has put up with over the years?

He is also very enjoying the beauty that is Jimin. They all do, anyway, but Joon was using every positional advantage he had -- not seriously flirting, it ain't like that with them. And he wasn't being mean-spirited about it. But he could, based on seating, enjoy some friendly skinship with his dongsaeng and there was not shit JeiKei could do about it. Bros will be bros, sometimes. Yes, even Kim Namjoon.

And that, as much as anything, was all up in there in Jungkookie's head. So much so that at one point he SNIFFS HOBI'S HAIR just for comfort reasons. You gotta see that, it's somewhere in the 9:00 minute, I knew I didn't have enough image space so it had to go, but you can look. Because right after that we get

Jeon Jungkook has had enough, kids. He's euphoric, he's professional, he's trying real hard to be cool but he has stayed away as long as he can take it. It's a good thing they're about to get to the champagne. TO BE CONTINUED...

[garciaasfluffypen]

meeting the parent

“you think i’m happy? you think i’m happy in that house all alone, with your dad off with his new wife, one daughter who never saw... and the other…”

“the other what, mom?”

(or the on in which jj stands up to her mom and comes out as bisexual, which she definitely should have done in the show.) 

wc: 1.1k pairing: jj x fem!reader warnings: homophobia/biphobia, will slander (sorry will fans) 

gif credit: google 

you and jj had opted to stay behind this case, since her mother had needed a place to stay considering her “pipes burst”. you very easily could have gone with the team and refused to meet your mother in law who didn’t know she was your mother in law, but you figured now was a better time than any since you were literally surrounded by fbi agents. you were working in your office when you saw jj pass by with two salads, and she shot you a look that read “help me”. you let out a light chuckle, knowing you’d most definitely have to say something if it got to be too much.

you’ve only heard stories about mrs. jareau, and knew why jj didn’t want you to meet her. but you two were married, and she was the only one who didn’t know. mainly because from what jj implied, it was that she didn’t like the fact that jj was bisexual, and wanted her to end up with a man. you shuddered at the thought of jj being with anyone but you- you knew it was impossible, since you loved each other very much, but the thought still lingered sometimes that she could leave you any day.

about five minutes had passed before you decided to go down to the printer outside the round table room, to pick up some papers you had to print but also listen in on the conversation with jj’s mother- you were nervous for her, and frankly you were willing to step up for her if you needed to.

“oh come on, jj, you’re perfectly happy up here with your life just as it is.”

“the same way you’re perfectly happy with your life in east allegheny, right?” you could hear the sarcasm dripping from jj’s voice, even from all the way over here.

“you think i’m happy? you think i’m happy in that house all alone, with your dad off with his new wife, one daughter who never saw… and the other…”

“the other what, mom?”

you were sure you could cut the tension in that room with a knife as you kept a close eye on the two, knowing that you needed to go in at any second.

“the other…”

“likes girls? yeah, i said it. i’m bisexual mom, that’s a part of me you’re never going to be able to change. you can’t just pray it away like you tried to all those years ago.”

“don’t say that.”

“say what? that i’m in a loving relationship with my fiancée who happens to be a girl? yeah, i bet you didn’t expect that one, huh?”

“jennifer-”

“you don’t get to control my love life anymore, mom. okay? i will always love will, but i just can’t be with him.”

it was at this moment you decided to go into the round table room, pretending to look for a file on the far wall. it was better to be in the room in case something happened.

“what about the boys? what are you going to say to them? that their mother is a homo-”

“i’m not a homosexual. i’m bi-sexual. there’s a complete difference. and they love y/n just as much as i do. she was there for me more than will ever was. she was by my side through thick and thin, and sat with me in the hospital while will was off doing god knows what while i was in labor. she’s more of a father than will ever was.”

“i can’t believe you-”

“went against god’s word? yeah, i’ve heard that one before.”

you debated turning around, but knew jj could handle this by herself. at least, you hoped she could.

“i just don’t understand-”

“that i’m comfortable in my own skin? that i control how i want to be perceived by the world? it’s not that hard of a concept to wrap your head around. i’m happy. that should be all that matters.”

“how long have you and will…”

“been divorced? two years.”

“and you didn’t tell me?”

“because i knew you’d react like this!”

“i just-”

“you know what?” you turned around, glaring at mrs. jareau. “you’re being a dick right now, mrs. jareau.”

“excuse me?”

“yes, your daughter is all you have left, but you can’t control every single thing she does. she’s 40 years old, and you’re trying to puppeteer her life. to which i say, grow up. you need to leave your daughter alone and let her live her life, because i’ll be damned if i let another person ruin it. and she’s right. will was never there for her, because he’s a deadbeat son of a bitch who doesn’t care about anything except when he’s going to crack open his next beer. do you know the last time he saw the kids?”

“i-”

“two years ago. do you know the last time the kids asked for their father? three years ago. so, respectfully, shut the fuck up, and leave your daughter and her family alone.”

you stood there panting for a second before simply turning and walking out of the room, going straight into your office. you left the door cracked because you knew jj was going to be coming in any second, ready to cry. as if on cue, the door opened and shut and jj was standing in your office, on the verge of tears. you bought her in for a hug, closing the blinds as you did so and making sure the door was shut all the way. you wiped the tears from her cheeks, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

“i’m so sorry.”

“no, don’t be.” jj sniffled. “that was extremely hot, what you did there.”

“she deserved it.” you chuckled. “no wonder you never wanted me to meet her.”

“she’d throw a hissy fit when she finds out you’re a lesbian.”

“she’s very lucky i didn’t show her what these hands can do.”

it was jj’s turn to chuckle. “god, i love you so much.”

“i love you more, my sunshine.”

“have you told off people like that before? or did you save all that for my mother?”

“hm? oh, i guess i have a lot of pent up anger. anger at her, anger at will, anger at literally anyone who tries to hurt you.” you squeezed her hands. “i don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“i know, darling.” jj ran her fingers through your hair, tucking it behind your ear. “i know.”

there was a moment of silence.

“oh fuck, she’s staying with us tonight.”

“yup.”

“she’s going to make this so awkward.”

“you can say that again.”

[koushou]

an archon’s jealousy

pairing : zhongli x f!reader {fluff}

warnings : none! zhongli cuteness overload 

word count : 1.8k

a/n : genshin has taken over my life so enjoy my favorite peepaw 

the geo archon, once feared by all beings in teyvat, was known for his strength and abilities in battle, as well as his logical way of thinking and planning. his weakness? well, he’s definitely not great with emotions. especially jealousy.

“Ah, this painting reminds me of when an old friend and I had been travelling together for the first time, there was-” 

Zhongli turns around, smiling as he reminisces of events from hundreds of years ago, however turning into a frown quickly. 

His golden eyes scan the dining room, sighing as they fail to identify a certain someone. Placing his cup of tea down onto the polished wooden table, he walks out to the private balcony area of Wangmin Restaurant, breathing in the familiar fresh air of the nation he’d known for as long as he existed.

It had been two days.

Two days since he’s spoken to his lover, two days since the small quarrel you both had in the exact restaurant he’s currently standing in.

It had been quite a trivial matter in his opinion, when a young waitress working there had just been a tad kinder to the geo archon, leaving a few light touches here and there. Even “accidentally” spilling tea over herself, putting on a show of cleaning herself. 

Not noticing the dark glare of his lover from across the table, he offers the apologizing waitress a small smile, assuring her it wasn’t a big deal. As she walks away, he finally turns back to the now fuming Y/N who was shoving food down her throat to avoid speaking to him.

He chuckles softly, still unaware of the reason for your anger, “Love, slow down, the food isn’t going anywhere.”

Refusing to acknowledge his presence, you huff and continue chewing your food as if he wasn’t even there. Zhongli looks at you with a confused expression, but just before he had a chance to speak, the waitress returns.

She takes a few of your plates that were finished being used, occasionally sending small looks at your boyfriend, oblivious to the whole situation.

“I love your earring, Mr. Zhongli,” she bats her eyelashes at the man, your man, as she continues cleaning the table at record slow speed. 

“Ah, thank you.” He sends a small nod her way, not noticing the way she might as well be sitting on top of him with the close proximity of their two bodies. 

“Where did you get it from?” You roll your eyes while still focusing on your food, anyone could tell the way she was speaking in a faker, higher tone.

“Actually, they were gifted from an old friend of mine, we would travel together all the time and-” Zhongli goes off on one of his rants again, to the waitress’s pleasant surprise. To your shock, she takes a seat right next to your unsuspecting boyfriend who was still speaking, nodding along with his words. 

The audacity of this bi-

You slam your hands on the table abruptly, stopping Zhongli in his story as he looks up at you.

You shoot the coldest stare at him, one that even the geo archon, who had fought every monster, travelled to every corner of the world, swore sent shivers through his body.

“Love?”

“I’m finished, have fun on your date,” You spat, emphasizing the last word, and you could’ve sworn you saw the waitress roll her eyes.

Leaving Zhongli still in a confused state, you stormed out of the room, not paying mind to the distant protests of your boyfriend.

Zhongli sighs, snapping out of his thoughts, leaning against the railing of the balcony. He had walked out and tried to find you, but failed and you hadn’t appeared since.

After finally consulting Childe, the last person he’d ever want to speak to, about why you had acted like the way you did, he simply laughed at the man, claiming that you had been feeling jealous.

That had left Zhongli even more confused. Jealous? He was simply sharing his tales with a curious person, what was there to be jealous of?

He sighs again, ready to head back into the dining room until he spots a familiar figure below him.

You were standing below the balcony he was on, not seeming to realize he was there. Zhongli breathes a sigh of relief, oh how he missed seeing you. About to go down and surprise you, he stops in his tracks when he sees a young man walk up to you and begin talking.

An unfamiliar feeling seeps through his body when you laugh at something the stranger said, a wonderful sound he thought was reserved for him, and him only. 

You probably knew each other, that’s why you guys looked so close, right? Friends can laugh at each other, of course there was nothing wrong with the scene unfolding before the archon. That’s why the man’s hand had reached towards a stray strand of hair and tucked it behind your ear, right?

Zhongli grits his teeth, and makes his way down the restaurant as fast as his feet could take him.

He could hear you giggling upon walking out the restaurant’s doors, and quickly makes his way to you.

Walking up behind you, he slips an arm around your waist and pulls you softly back against his chest. 

You let out a surprised yelp, ready to attack whoever was touching you, until you turned and saw that it had just been your boyfriend, who seemed to be seething at the moment.

“Zhongli..?” Something about him seemed a little different, maybe it was the way he glared daggers into the other man who had just been talking to you and touching you. 

If looks could kill? Let’s just say The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor has an extra client today. 

“Hey love, I missed you,” Zhongli presses a kiss to your cheek, “Who might this be?” 

A bit flustered from the contact, you looked at the other man who seemed on the verge of peeing himself right there, and had to suppress a laugh.

“Ah, this is just a friend I met a few days ago when I was exploring, he-“

Before you could finish your sentence, the man stutters out an incoherent sentence and almost trips over himself running off in the other direction.

You raise an eyebrow, turning your head back to look at Zhongli who was still holding you protectively against him. He had created a small yellow meteor in his hand and was currently levitating it above his palm in a threatening manner.

He turns to you, putting the meteor away, smiling as he presses a kiss to your forehead. 

“Zhongli, you scared him away.”

He puts on a thinking face, nodding slowly.

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, no— That’s it? You probably scared the poor man into thinking you were going to murder him or somethin-”

He chuckles and raises your chin up to face him with one finger, “Then maybe next time, he should think before touching something that belongs to me.”

You huff, cheeks tinting the lightest shade of red before pushing him away.

“Whatever, I’m going now.”

You start to walk away, not before Zhongli catches your arm and stops you.

“Love, are you still angry?”

You could hear the concern in your boyfriend’s voice, and your heart softens a bit. In truth, you had already forgotten the incident back at the restaurant a few days ago and was about to apologize today when the man from before had stopped you. 

A lightbulb went off in your head, so you decide to play with him a little longer. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Snatching your hand back from his grasp, you continue walking away from your surprised boyfriend.

He quickly follows you, unsure of how to continue. He couldn’t just ask you if you had been jealous, could he?

As your boyfriend got lost in his thoughts of how to ask, you almost laughed at his intense thinking face while nervously walking beside you. 

“Uh, I-,” He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you that day, I did not realize that it would have made you feel jealous.” 

He takes both of your hands in his, softly enveloping them as he continues.

“From now on, I promise that I’ll only share my stories with you, and you only, so don’t worry, love.”

He smiles at you, as you suddenly burst out in laughter. 

“What is so funny?” Zhongli asks, confused.

“Nothing, nothing at all, baby,” You finally recover from your laughing and wrap your arms around his waist.

Leaning your head against his chest, you couldn’t help but smile at the way your boyfriend thought you were upset because he was sharing his stories with another person, when you had just been jealous of another woman being so close to him. It was adorable.

Deciding not to tease him any further, you lift your head up from his chest to press a kiss against his lips. 

His eyes brighten instantly. “So, does this mean you forgive me?” 

If Zhongli was a dog, his tails would be wagging expectantly at you with puppy dog eyes right now.

You giggle, nodding at him. “Of course I forgive you, just don’t talk to other girls like that again.”

You pout, as he chuckles and leans down to give you another kiss. 

“I promise, love.” He softly strokes your hair, running the strands through his fingers.

“I also didn’t like seeing you with that man, so don’t let anyone besides me touch you, alright?”

You smile against him, nodding and opening your mouth to speak again when your stomach suddenly rumbles.

Eyes widening, you push away a now laughing Zhongli, embarrassed.

“I assume you’re hungry, my love?” He teases at you, taking your hand in his as he begins to walk the both of you back to Wangmin Restaurant.

“Who was the one who cut my meal short two days ago? I barely had anything to eat recently because I didn’t have any mora on me.” You take your hand out of his hold, crossing your arms and looking the other way.

He laughs softly at you, taking your hand back and kissing your knuckles softly. 

“Ah, you haven’t been eating welI?” He looks at you with concern laced in his golden eyes.

“I apologize, darling, but… I have something to confess to you.”

You turn to him, curious at his words. “What is it?”

“I..do not have mora on me at the moment either.”

“What?! You’re literally the god of mora, Zhongli, but you don’t even-“

He cuts you off short with a kiss, smirking against your lips as he feels you blush.

Pulling away, he chuckles and shrugs. “We can go ask Childe, come on.”

You laugh and continue walking with him, “Poor Childe, at least he’s useful for one thing.”

Zhongli lets out a laugh, as you two walk off, hand in hand, searching for your human wallet.