#mr johnson you legend

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

1x11 | 2x4 | 2x13

[persevereforahappyending]

A Beacon in the Dark |7|

Pairing: Joey x Reader

Summary: Joey likes helping people, it's what she's best at. Hunting down the monsters of myth and legend might be the best way to save people.

Warnings: Death, Murder, Fighting, Blood, Shooting, Stabbing

Word Count: 4.7k+

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Your eyes were closed as your head was leaned back against the headrest. You had turned the car off as you waited for Joey to be ready. She had given you the location of an apartment complex. She said the mom of one of Caleb’s friends agreed to let them stay the night, that the woman was happy Joey had found a job and was actually working. You were well aware of who’s apartment you were at though, it said enough that Joey would rather leave Caleb with a woman who barely seemed to like her, than with his own father. As much as you wanted to, you wouldn’t press her about it, it was none of your business anyway.

You opened your eyes, turning your head to the right when you heard the passenger door open. You watched Joey hop into the Jeep and instantly begin ringing her hands together. “You don’t have to do this,” you said softly, you should definitely have backup when going siren hunting, but you never wanted Joey to feel like she was obligated to join you.

“It’s fine,” she said. “This is just the first time it’s effected our time together,” she whispered, looking up at the apartment complex. “I don’t want him to think I’m falling back into old habits.”

You nodded. “I can make sure you get back here before school; you can still walk him.”

She shook her head, finally turning to face you for the first time since she got in the car. “No, Mrs. Johnson is going to drop him off when she takes her son. I just need to be there to pick him up.”

“Of course.”

Joey gave you genuine smile and you finally turned the key and pulled away. You still had to run over some things with Grace, make sure Joey knew what she’d be up against, and get to the boat before you could actually face the sirens. You began the drive to Grace’s; it was going by much quicker given how late it was and the lack of traffic. You couldn’t help but admire the scenery as you passed by, the half-moon illuminating the woods perfectly.

“So,” Joey said, breaking the comfortable silence. “Sirens?” You nodded. “They’re like mermaids, right?”

You bobbed your head back and forth. “Sort of,” you said slowly. “They both live in the ocean, they’re both half human half fish, I guess is the best way to describe them. Mermaids are a little more easy going though, they like to keep to themselves and not interact with us surface dwellers,” you chuckled at your own joke. “But sirens, they’re the exact opposite, they pretend to be shy, luring you in with their song only to drag you under.”

“What’s their goal, drowning people?” You turned to her, giving her a questioning look. “I know I don’t have as much experience as you with all this,” she gestured with her hand. “But me and the crew I worked with were setup by a vampire because we had each betrayed her father in some way. Then those succubi, though they seemed to enjoy the killing.” You nodded; they really did seem to take pleasure in it. “They did that to feed, to sustain themselves and survive. So, what’s the goal of a siren? Why do they do what they do?”

You couldn’t help but smirk, she really was picking things up quick. There were times where a monster did just mindlessly kill people, or do it for fun, but most of them time there was a reason for it. Whether the reason was logical was up for debate, sometimes the monster just did it to survive, other times it was a ritual, a rite of passage, or some sort of game. That’s how it was for Grace, based on the way she talked about it, which was rarely, it didn’t seem like the Le Domas family enjoyed the killing, but they had to do it, if they didn’t then they would all die. Of course, they made a deal with a demon so they could become rich, so it was really all their fault to begin with, but that was beside the point.

“Sirens are very territorial,” you said. “They don’t like humans coming into their waters. They also tend to feed on or use them for mating.”

“You’re joking?” You glanced at Joey to see her looking at you, as if she was expecting you to say you were joking and laugh it off. You just shook your head and watched as Joey’s face morphed into one of horror. “If they hate humans, why mate with them?”

“So, they can keep their population growing. There are no male sirens, which is why in all the stories they’re luring men to their deaths. They use men to procreate.” You didn’t realize you were at the mansion until you were turning down Grace’s driveway. “Then they kill them. They only leave them alive long enough to get what they want.”

You parked and ran around the side of the car to open Joeys door for her. You offered her a smile, but she just rolled her eyes, though you were pretty sure it was more of a playful eye roll than an annoyed one, you considered that progress. You led her to the front door and opened it with a small bow. She just pushed past you and began making the now familiar way towards Grace’s office. She could ignore you and deny it all she wanted but you didn’t miss the way Joey’s lips twitched slightly up.

“So, what are the odds they try and kill us?” Joey asked as you pushed open the door to Grace’s office.

“High,” Grace answered before you could even open your mouth. “Very high.”

You rested a hand on Joey’s shoulder as she came to a stop directly in front of you. “Nothing’s going to happen to you,” you whispered.

She glanced at you. You could see the way her eyes darted around, searching for any reason not to believe you. You wouldn’t give her a reason though, you didn’t care how dangerous sirens were you would make sure Joey made it back home, even if she was the only one to do so, you refused to let her son grow up without her.

When you looked back up at Grace she was giving you a knowing look. You shifted your eyes to the rest of the room. Grace could think whatever she wanted; you didn’t care if she assumed you were protective due to your developing feelings. Grace was only partially right in that regard anyway, you might not have ever met Caleb, but you knew he deserved to not have his mom around, he deserved to get to know her.

“We need to make this quick,” Grace said, moving through her office. “You need to get there and out on the water as soon as possible.”

You glanced around the room while Joey followed Grace. Grace was giving her a quick run down of sirens and what to expect while gathering her supplies. You noticed since the last time you had been in the office there were more papers scattered about. The growing stack of papers on the victim’s pile did nothing to ease your worries. You were confident in saying Joey would make it back alive but if you were looking at things realistically it wouldn’t be good, you would be on the water at night, no one besides Grace knowing where you were going, and you’d be going to face with you didn’t even know how many sirens.

“These,” Grace said, holding up a little black box. “Are the most important.”

Joey took the box from her with a furrowed brow and flipped the lid open. “Ear plugs?” she questioned.

“Made of wax.” Grace continued to dig around her desk for what else she was looking for.

“Just like in the Odyssey,” you added. Joey’s head snapped to you, you couldn’t help but smirk and give a little shrug at her impressed look.

“Put them in as soon as you get out on the water,” Grace continued, ignoring your comment. “They’re the only thing that will keep you from falling under the sirens spell.”

“Got it,” Joey nodded and put the box in her jacket pocket.

“For the captain,” Grace handed you an envelope. You shoved it in your jacket pocket as well, tucking it away without looking at it. You didn’t need to look at it, you could tell by the weight that Grace was paying him a substantial amount.

“How do we kill these things?” You and Grace gave each other a look as Joey looked between the two of you.

“They’re only mortal,” Grace said softly. “It doesn’t take anything special to kill them but-”

“The key is hitting them,” you finished for her. “They hide under the water, under the cover of night, and if you hear their song,” you shook your head. “You might as well be lost already.”

“So, we’ll have actual weapons this time?” Joey asked. You couldn’t blame her, both of you had been caught off guard by the succubi. You had gotten lucky that the party had been thrown in an old mansion with weapons strewn throughout the place.

“Yes,” Grace assured, resting a comforting hand on Joey’s shoulder. “I already have a bag made up,” she nodded at you. “It’s in the weapons room.”

You nodded and walked off to grab the bag. As soon as you got to the weapons room you saw the black duffle bag sitting on the table. You unzipped it a little to get a sneak peak as to what Grace picked out for you. You couldn’t help but smirk when you saw the silver tip of a spear. Guns were fun, they were easier to aim but they weren’t your first choice of weapon when going after a siren, part of you was silently hoping the boat would have a harpoon on it.

Before zipping the bag back up you caught the glint of a small explosive charge. You sucked in a breath, Grace had really thought of everything, not that you were surprised. When you knew what you were dealing with Grace was always prepared. Grace would have the basics laid out for you while also preparing for the worst. There had been one too many times when the two of you would go off on a mission thinking you were dealing with a lone vampire or something only to be led back to an entire den. It was always better to be overprepared in Grace’s eyes and you weren’t one to complain, her methods were what had kept you alive this long.

You finished zipping up the bag then swung it over your shoulder and made your way back to the front door. As you approached the foyer you saw Joey and Grace already there. You opened the front door, allowing Joey to go first.

Before you could follow though Grace rested a hand on your arm, making you turn to face her. She pulled you into a hug and you instantly wrapped your free arm around her like you had done many times. “Before careful,” she whispered.

“Always,” you whispered back. You could feel Grace suppress a sigh, but she didn’t say whatever she clearly wanted to.

You made your way out of the mansion and towards your car. You gave a thankful smile as Joey opened the trunk, allowing you to toss the duffle bag of weapons in the back. You gave Grace one last wave goodbye as you and Joey hopped back in the car. You tapped your phone, seeing Grace had already sent the location to you.

You groaned when you saw it was almost an hour drive away, it was no wonder Grace was rushing around. You guys needed to get out on the water before sunrise if you had any hope of finding the sirens. You turned the volume of the radio down low enough that you could talk to Joey if she wanted but it was loud enough to hear so you weren’t sitting in complete silence.

After leaving the mansion and a few turns you were finally on the main road, and it was mostly a straight shot until you got closer. “So, what do you know about sirens?” Joey asked. “You and Grace don’t seem to be messing around with this one.”

“Grace never messes around when it comes to a job,” you replied.

“You know what I mean,” she rolled her eyes. “She seemed more intense with this one.” You felt Joey’s gaze on you, but you kept your eyes on the road. “So do you.”

“We’ve known each other less than a month and you think you know me?” You joked, lightly chuckling to make sure Joey knew you weren’t serious.

“I’m good at reading people.” You could practically hear Joey smirking. “You can’t be serious,” she admitted. “When you want to be.” You smiled to yourself. “But this is different.”

You sighed and let one of your hands fall off the steering wheel as you got more relaxed. “This isn’t our first time dealing with sirens as you’ve probably gathered.” Joey nodded. “We were so in over our heads that first time,” you shook your head at the memory. “We got lucky it was only a handful. It didn’t matter what we did, people just kept dying.” You cleared your throat when you realized you were getting emotional. You didn’t think about it often but when you did, images of the carnage left behind played through your mind on repeat. “Our mistakes then, is what made it so we could be prepared today.”

Joey didn’t say anything at first, she just nodded. You had been on a boat filled with people, just you, Grace, and the crew, but it had been a big crew. People were picked off left and right, people flung themselves off the side of the boat, only to be yanked down under the water, never to resurface. You hadn’t known what you were dealing with at the time, you almost lost Grace, you almost lost yourself, it wasn’t until you found a way to plug your ears that you finally were able to fight back. Despite how hard you tried, you and Grace were the only ones to walk away that day, the boat sank, and a couple days later the coast guard found you. It was one of the only times neither of you had to come up with a story, just a boating accident with no survivors.

“And I assume they don’t just go after men?” Joey asked, breaking the silence again.

You shook your head. “That’s just the stories,” you said. “Most sailors are men; it makes sense why that myth got started. Men are more useful for them.” Joey nodded, probably remembering what you had told her about sirens needing men to reproduce. “They have nothing against going after women though, there’s no ulterior motive for keeping them alive, so,” you shook your head as you stared at the dark road ahead of you. “You’d be lucky if you drown before they start ripping you apart.”

You drove in silence the rest of the way. You wouldn’t call it uncomfortable, just that there was a more somber mood throughout the rest of the drive. You didn’t want to scare Joey by any means, but she needed to know what she was getting into. When you got there it would just be you, her, and the captain, she needed to know what to expect. You were going to do everything in your power to protect her, but anything could go wrong.

Before you knew it you were pulling into a parking space near the docks. You looked out the windshield, there was absolutely no life to be seen, except for the one boat with lights on. “Guess that’s our ride,” you mumbled.

You and Joey both got out of the car and went around back to grab the duffle bag. You led the way down the dock and towards the boat. The captain was waiting in front of the boat as the two of you approached. “Got the rest of my money?” he asked in greeting.

You had to contain your eyeroll and remind yourself he was doing you a favor, even if it was just for money. You reached into your jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope, opening it just enough for him to see the cash inside. The captain stepped forward, but you tucked the envelope back into your jacket. “When we’re on the water,” you said, your voice leaving no room for argument.

The captain grumbled something as he turned around to board the boat. You waited a second before he got up on the deck and gestured for you to follow. You looked back at Joey who raised her eyebrows and walked past you to climb aboard. You jumped onto the boat and handed the duffle bag up to Joey so you could climb up the rest of the way.

Once the boat was untied and the anchor raised the captain set sail. You and Joey moved to the front of the boat, dropping the duffle on one of the boxes close by, and occasionally glancing at your own GPS to make sure the captain was headed to the right area. You were at least half an hour out from the place you suspected the sirens to be, but you kept your eyes peeled anyway, making sure to follow the light from the ship as it swung around.

You glanced at the GPS again to see you were almost there. You furrowed your brow when a sizeable rock formation appeared. “What?” Joey asked.

“Seems there’s rocks or an island of some sort,” you answered.

“Is that bad?”

You clenched the GPS just a bit tighter. “Possibly.”

“Why?”

You looked back up, scanning the water, you could just make out the outline of the rocks. “We should put in the ear plugs,” is all you said.

Joey gave you a look but pulled out the little box, flipping the lid open for you. You grabbed a pair and popped them in your ears, everything instantly becoming muffled. You looked over to see Joey doing the same. The two of you wouldn’t be able to talk well unless you were close and yelling at each other, but it was better safe than sorry.

Your head snapped to the side when you saw something making a splash. You leaned over the railing and stared down into the water, seeing nothing but darkness. You leaned back, about to turn and call to Joey when something shot out of the water and slammed into you.

You slid across the deck until you slammed into a metal bin. When you opened your eyes, they instantly went wide and your hands shot out, holding the siren back. She had long black hair, her eyes were a milky grey and her skin pale grey, she snapped her razor sharp teeth at your neck. You could feel her tail flopping around as you held her off.

The next thing you knew, a gun fired, and blood splattered across your face. You tossed the body off you, seeing she had been shot through the neck. You looked over to see Joey still holding the gun out.

Your eyes widened as you saw another one jump out of the water, aiming directly for Joey. Joey whipped around, firing three in the chest. She stepped back, letting the body land at her feet.

You scrambled to your feet and rushed to the duffle, ripping it all the way open and pulling out a spear gun. You got the gun loaded as you ran to the edge of the boat, whipping it around as you scanned the water for another one. As soon as one popped her head out of the water you fired, sending the spear right through her heart.

When you looked up you saw several pairs of eyes shining in the light as it passed by. “Fuck,” you whispered.

You ran back to the duffle and started loading up on all the explosives and grabbed another spear to reload. Just as you turned around you saw another siren jump out of the water and knock Joey overboard. “No!” you didn’t hesitate to rush across the deck and dive over the railing and into the water.

Your eyes landed on Joey being dragged deeper and you loaded the spear in the gun. You continued to swim after them as you took aim, sending the spear sailing right past Joey and into the eye of the siren. When Joey broke free of the sirens gripped, she swam to you, and you helped her back to the surface.

She began whipping her head around as the two of you tried to keep your heads above the waves. You looked at her questioningly then you saw her raise a hand to her ear.

You instantly took out your ear plug. “What are you doing?” Joey snapped, making sure your hand stayed closed around them.

“Take mine,” you said. Joey shook her head. “Now,” you ordered, leaving no room for argument.

“What are you going to do?” she asked as she popped one ear plug in.

You looked to the side as your mind started to be flooded with a sweet hum. “It’s mating season,” you said, trying to shake your mind clear. Joey raised a questioning brow at you. “Get back on the boat, hold them off as best as you can, I need to blow the nest.”

“Be careful,” Joey said as she popped the other ear plug in.

You nodded and swam towards the rocks. You should have known the spike in deaths was because of mating season. You really wished you could get in contact with Grace. During mating season, a pack of sirens gathered and lured multiple victims to their doom. You had never faced one directly, only read about them or found abandoned ones. If you blew up the nest though, you’d prevent any sirens coming back in future years.

You felt something grab your ankle and yank you under the waves. You kicked and thrashed around, trying to break free of its grip. You finally felt it release you but then next thing you knew it was in front of you. All your thrashing around suddenly stopped, and you just floated there, staring at the gorgeous woman in front of you.

She reached out and ran her hand across the back of your neck, sending a chill down your spine. You didn’t fight as she pulled you forward by the back of the neck, leading you deeper into the water. You closed your eyes, and your mind was flooded with the most beautiful song.

When you opened your eyes again you were met with the gorgeous woman, but you couldn’t help the way your mind drifted back to Joey. You reached out to touch the woman’s face, watching her smile as you caressed her cheek. You guided your hands down as she leaned forward; you leaned in as well. Right before your lips touched you gave a quick twist of your hands, snapping her neck.

You blinked rapidly, trying to come back to yourself. You looked down to no longer see a beautiful woman but a siren, her head nearly twisted all the way around. You looked around, smiling as you realized you were in a cave, the siren brought you directly into the nest.

You got to work, quickly placing the charges underwater and on the little bit of land in the cave. You were in the middle of placing the last charge when something jumped on your back, digging it’s claws into your shoulder and pulling you back under water. You thrashed around in its grasp, forcing it to redirect as it tried to drown you. It didn’t let you go until you hit the bottom of the cave.

You reached down and grabbed the knife you always had strapped to your ankle. You whipped around, slashing the knife at the siren only to meet water. The siren shot forward, grabbing you by the shoulders and slamming you into the ground again. You brought the knife up, stabbing the siren on the side of her tail. She instantly released you with a shriek. While she was distracted you brought the knife down onto her fin, impaling the knife through her and into the cave floor.

She thrashed around, shrieking in pain. You smiled as you swam back. She let out another shriek, it was only a matter of time before the others came. You swam back out of the cave, barely escaping it as three more sirens came darting past you. You were almost clear of the blast range when a siren came from the dark depths, ripping into your leg and dragging you down.

You groaned as you fumbled for the detonator and pressed the button. A second later there was an explosion, sending dirt and debris towards you and the siren. You pushed the siren off you, watching as she was crushed by tumbling rocks. You swam through the murky water, your head finally breaking through the waves.

You swam back to the boat and Joey was there to help pull you back aboard. “Holy shit,” she whispered. “You’re hurt,” she began feeling around your shoulder where the siren had dug her claws into you.

“It’s fine,” you waved her off.

“Let me look at it.”

“It’s-It’s not as bad as it looks.” You rested a hand on hers, getting her to pause her movements. “Please,” you stared into her eyes, silently pleading with her to drop it. She reluctantly nodded.

Joey got you back up to the deck and went to tell the captain to head home and hand him the rest of his money as well. You remained on the deck, wrapped in a towel as you tried to dry off. You peeled back your shirt, getting a glance at the claw marks to see the bleeding had already stopped. You let out a shaky breath and quickly covered the wounds again when Joey came back outside.

The boat ride back was silent, even with you and Joey sitting side by side. Joey would occasionally get up and grab you a dry towel to wrap yourself in. You appreciated the gesture and were mostly dry by the time the boat docked again. You attempted to thank the captain, but he just yelled at you and Joey to get off his ship. He hadn’t left the wheel so you weren’t sure how much he saw but you were confident he wouldn’t say anything about you, the sirens, or the explosion he most likely witnessed.

When you got back to your car you tossed the weapons bag in the back and then slid behind the wheel. As soon as you started the car you let out a scoff, it was almost four in the morning. You started the drive back home in silence, Joey resting her head against the window the entire time, you weren’t sure if she had fallen asleep or what. It had been a long night, you couldn’t blame her if she did fall asleep, she earned it.

It was nearly five when you pulled up outside Joey’s apartment. You looked over to see her still with her head against the window. You couldn’t help but smile as you rested a hand on her shoulder and gave it a light rub to wake her up. “Hey,” you whispered.

She let out a hum as she slowly came to. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she looked around. “You got just enough time to get some sleep before you got to pick up your kid,” you whispered.

Joey looked at you, resting her head on the back of the seat. “Thank you,” she whispered.

You gave her a nod and watched as she slipped out of the car. “Make sure you get that looked at,” she added, nodding to your shoulder. “Since you won’t let me do it.”

You chuckled but nodded anyway. “Always a doctor,” you mumbled. She gave you a pointed look before turning and heading to her building. You watched and waited until you knew she was safely in her apartment complex. You shook your head, trying to get rid of the sleepiness as you pulled out onto the street to begin making your way back to Graces.

Taglist: @thinking1bee @so-to-aqui-pelas-fic @alexkolax @pianogirl2121 @thatshyboy1998 @chxrry-lov3

[numberonenat]

i asked chat gpt to make a playlist based on my candy love characters...

here's part 2 and 3: others / dateables ul + chani

here's what it gave me:

castiel:

"make me wanna die" by the pretty reckless

"ignorance" by paramore

"welcome to the black parade" by my chemical romance

"bring me to life" by evanescence

"sugar, we're goin down" by fall out boy

"i write sins not tragedies" by panic! at the disco

"sk8er boi" by avril lavigne

"boulevard of broken dreams" by green day

"dirty little secret" by the all-american rejects

"i hate everything about you" by three days grace

"numb" by linkin park

"so cold" by breaking benjamin

"gasoline" by halsey

"the kill (bury me)" by 30 seconds to mars

"i miss you" by blink-182

nathaniel:

"fix you" by coldplay

"fireflies" by owl city

"hey, soul sister" by train

"how to save a life" by the fray

"i'm yours" by jason mraz

"all of me" by john legend

"love song" by sara bareilles

"banana pancakes" by jack johnson

"you're beautiful" by james blunt

"the way i am" by ingrid michaelson

"thinking out loud" by ed sheeran

"bubbly" by colbie caillat

"say something" by a great big world

"make you feel my love" by adele

"count on me" by bruno mars

lysandre:

"supermassive black hole" by muse

"personal jesus" by depeche mode

"sweater weather" by the neighbourhood

"mr. brightside" by the killers

"do i wanna know?" by arctic monkeys

"intro" by the xx

"shake it out" by florence + the machine

"summertime sadness" by lana del rey

"creep" by radiohead

"running up that hill" by placebo

"closer" by nine inch nails

"only happy when it rains" by garbage

"1979" by the smashing pumpkins

"sour times" by portishead

"teardrop" by massive attack

kentin:

"good vibrations" by the beach boys

"walking on sunshine" by katrina and the waves

"don't stop believin'" by journey

"good time" by owl city

"here comes the sun" by the beatles

"happy" by pharrell williams

"sun street" by katrina and the waves

"shut up and dance" by walk the moon

"i'm a believer" by the monkees

"africa" by toto

"i'm gonna be (500 miles)" by the proclaimers

"dancing queen" by abba

"mr. blue sky" by elo

"all star" by smash mouth

"on top of the world" by imagine dragons

armin:

"video killed the radio star" by the buggles

"don't stop me now" by queen

"bohemian rhapsody" by queen

"take on me" by a-ha

"livin' on a prayer" by bon jovi

"sweet child o' mine" by guns n' roses

"every breath you take" by the police

"another one bites the dust" by queen

"don't you (forget about me)" by simple minds

"eye of the tiger" by survivor

"we will rock you" by queen

"don't stop believin'" by journey

"sweet caroline" by neil diamond

"boys of summer" by don henley

"hotel california" by eagles

i actually like this a lot lol

this is always so fun to make even if they don't make sense so yeah qskjvfhdjw

i'll make a part 2!!!

[germhammy]

“Writing class”

Ms Hamilton: in honor of the Tales from the Other Sides production going on in Pilgrim World which this season is focused on various cryptids your assignment is to write about a cryptid. Or make one up

Xavier: what is a cryptid?

Wednesday: an animal that has been claimed to exist but never proven to exist. Contrary to popular belief, cryptids don't have to be supernatural, mythical or even all that strange—though many popular creatures acquire these characteristics as their legends grow.

Xavier: and what does that have to do with the show? It’s about Devil’s Night. The episode is literally called Devil’s Night

Wednesday: the creature is based on the Jersey Devil

Xavier: the what? Is that even a thing?

Wednesday: it is. It is the reason the New Jersey hockey team is called The Devils

Xavier: Doug said the design is kinda dumb

Wednesday: oh? Are you on a first name basis with Mr Johnson now? I did make some embellishments in my description in order to make it more adaptable to a person in a suit less computer generated effect but it would still be recognizable as the Jersey Devil to those who know. Which Mr Johnson it seems is not one of those

Ms Hamilton: that is enough speculation about the show

Kent: Wednesday isn’t speculating. She wrote the story the script is based on

Ms Hamilton: it’s written by KC Rowling

Kent: the script is. It’s based on a story that was chosen in a fan submission contest. I submitted one

Wednesday: you did?

Kent: I did. Didn’t win obviously

Ms Hamilton: that is enough. Please take the rest of class to start your assignment

Kent passed a note to Wednesday

-so how do you think he’s gonna incorporate you?

Wednesday wrote her answer passing it back to Kent

-Ugh do I even want to know?

Kent snickered

-I’m gonna write about a merman befriending Nessie

Wednesday rolled her eyes

-hmm Perhaps a chupacabra terrorizing a professional wrestler’s tequila plant

Kent snickered again

-I’m sure Bianca will let us know about Xavier’s work

[raichuu-agere]

31 days of agere stimboards!!

I don’t make stimboards but I love them sm!! I wanna see all yours!

Day 1: favorite animal

Day 2: favorite book

Day 3: favorite stuffie

Day 4: based on your childhood

Day 5: a perfect day

Day 6: favorite tv show

Day 7: favorite Disney character

Day 8: favorite snack

Day 9: fictional character who you’d want to be your caregiver

Day 10: favorite movie

Day 11: favorite musical artist

Day 12: ideal bedroom/playroom

Day 13: favorite activity

Day 14: favorite mythical creature

Day 15: favorite holiday

Day 16: ideal vacation

Day 17: what role you would play in medieval times

Day 18: favorite sweet/candy

Day 19: favorite game

Day 20: your fashion style/aesthetic

Day 21: favorite season

Day 22: favorite toy

Day 23: favorite place to go

Day 24: favorite restaurant

Day 25: your special interest/hyperfixation/something you really like

Day 26: animal you’d want to be

Day 27: toy you want

Day 28: skill you want to learn

Day 29: favorite place in nature

Day 30: least favorite character from your favorite show

Day 31: something that makes you happy

Please please use #raichuus31agerestimboards !! Can’t wait to see them!

My answers in case anyone needs an example:

1 - capybaras!!

2 - the very hungry caterpillar

3 - his name is mr. waggles, he’s a blue puppy rattle!

4 - mine would probably have lots of sidewalk chalk, forests and biking

5 - a perfect day for me would be sitting at home with my cg or best friend eating and watching tv

6 - phineas and ferb

7 - lady from lady and the tramp

8 - probably cucumbers, celery or grapes

9 - jeremy from phineas and ferb <3

10 - lady and the tramp!

11 - twenty øne piløts

12 - mine would be spooky with bats and vampires, and have a big toy box and a city play rug

13 - probably coloring or laying on my cg and relaxing while he plays video games

14 - vampires

15 - halloween

16 - I would love to go to mongolia and travel on horseback like I’m an ancient mongolian riding alongside genghis kahn

17 - I would definitely be a knight, but I’d be really bad at my job in a silly way

18 - this is a hard one, either donuts or frozen yogurt

19 - legend of zelda - age of calamity

20 - dark 2000s emo kid

21 - fall

22 - fidget toys or plastic animals

23 - on a large scale, kenya, on a smaller scale, target hehe!!

24 - taco bell

25 - african wildlife or astronomy

26 - a dog or lion

27 - that one pea pod fidget toy

28 - skateboarding!!

29 - forest, pretty much all of PNW

30 - definitely suzie johnson from phineas and ferb

31 - stickers!!!

[bananacorn-limeade]

1961's The WORLD of ICE and FIRE

I'm going to do it. I'm going to self-indulge!

The Roger Corman ASOIAF production post is mostly just a novelty, but since I'm me, I have a lot of FEELINGS and OPINIONS about this cast. Naturally.

Anyway. Here's how well I think the actors in my post would play their roles, from worst to best.

#19, Worst: John Ashley as Robb Stark

You know how Ben Affleck has a face that knows about emails? John Ashley has a face that knows about sock hops. Woefully miscast.

#18: Tor Johnson as Gregor Clegane

God love the big guy, but I've only ever seen him make this face. Also, despite his repertoire of roles suggesting otherwise on paper, he just doesn't seem like a mean guy.

#17: John Agar as Jaime Lannister

Another terrible choice. The only reason he's not ranked as worst is because his soulless performance would make viewers interpret Jaime as an absolutely irredeemable sociopath, which at least would be... uh, interesting, I guess.

#16 Robert Reed as Renly Baratheon

Renly, but only if he was the most boring Baratheon. Go ahead, try to picture Reed eating a peach. You can't.

#15 Dawn Bender as Arya Stark

Aw, she'd try. But I feel like her attempts at Arya's fire would mostly come off as petulance.

#14 Richard Carlson as Ned Stark

Sorry, what? I fell asleep for a minute there.

#13 June Kenney as Daenerys Targaryen

Kenney would try her level best, but you know Corman would do a terrible job incorporating her storyline with the main plot, so she wouldn't have much to do except lounge around on mildly offensive orientalist sets and talk to her force-perspective dragon puppets. (Stop-motion you say? What, you think American International is made of money?)

#12 Dolores Faith as Sansa Stark

Again, no knock to Faith, but as with Daenerys, I think a 1961 production would flatten Sansa's character away to nothing. She'd get to pine and wear some nice dresses.

#11 Anthony Dexter as Petyr Baelish

This guy can play oily like nobody's business (check him out in 1962's Married Too Young), but 5D-chess-level deviousness might be beyond him.

#10 Michael Dunn as Tyrion Lannister

Full disclosure: I'm plopping him in the middle because I've never seen him in anything! The only little person I've personally seen in Corman's movies is Billy Barty (playing an actual, literal imp), and Dunn was someone I found who was said to play much meatier roles. In general, I think the depth of Tyrion's character would seriously challenge 1960s casting directors who were used to casting little people in jokey roles or as something less than human. One of many problems they'd have with the source material, no doubt.

#9 Lon Cheney Jr. as Sandor Clegane

Here's another actor who would do the best with what he was given - which would be an essentially empty role. This Sandor would be a beast used only for jump scares, with too much rubber over his face to ever show an emotion.

#8 Glen Langan as Stannis Baratheon

Langan would be serious, but dull, with lots of droning sermonizing. In other words, perfect. Still boring though.

#7 Basil Rathbone as Tywin Lannister

Who better to play a role totally owned by Charles Dance than an actor who's even Charles Dancier? The only reason I'm not ranking this legend higher is because I do think he'd kind of sleepwalk through this role, especially at this stage in his career.

#6 Raymond Burr as Robert Baratheon

The future Mr. Perry Mason was damn good at playing hard-drinking, prowly, "beastly" men. See him in this fabulous trailer for 1951's Bride of the Gorilla (spoiler: Burr is the gorilla). Of course, for this production, he'd be about 10 years on from that virile role, but that's perfectly on brand for Bobby B.

#5 Michael Landon as Jon Snow

Landon's tortured James Dean era would be a great fit for angsty goth teen Jon, though he might have trouble keeping his feelings as hidden as Jon does.

#4 Allison Hayes as Melisandre

Should she be ranked this high? Eh, maybe not, but this woman is a goddamn B-movie bombshell goddess. Her Red Woman would be a little less mysterious, sure, but her perfectly arched eyebrows and bullet bra would do R'hllor proud all the same.

#3 Marie Windsor as Catelyn Stark

They didn't call her Queen of the B's for nothing. Windsor always did great with roles that call for strength and verve. She'd be a fantastic Cat, and - dare I dream it - an even better Lady Stoneheart.

#2 Jack Nicholson as Theon Greyjoy

Now this would be fun. If baby Jack Nicholson had half the presence and charisma he would show in later movies, his Theon would be legendary.

#1 Coleen Gray as Cersei Lannister

If I can get Tumblr to understand one thing, it's how much Coleen Gray would absolutely eat in the role of Cersei. She's beautiful. She's a schemer. She's a helpless victim. She's back for revenge. I challenge anyone to watch her insane, murderous, fierce, gorgeous, duplicitous performance in 1960's otherwise pretty terrible The Leech Woman and not come to the same conclusion. I'm serious. There would be no survivors. 👑

[animation-is-my-jam]

in honor of pride month whats your favorite queer ship?

YEAHHH HAPPY PRIDE! and thx eagle for the ask!! Much appreciated 👏

Hmm, but why choose one... when I can just list off all the queer ships I Iove/ I shipped right NOW YIPPE--

Of course, this is gonna go beyond Wordgirl bc I'm pulling from everything that I'm fixated on or was. Let's get to it!!

(Not in order/ Not chronologically)

From Lilo and Stitch: (Jumba x Pleakley.)

From the Lion King and Lion Gaurd: (Timon x Pumbaa)

From Ever After High: Appling (Apple White x Darling Chamring)

From Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: NaruMitsu (Phoenix Wright x Miles Edgeworth)

From Sonic the Hedgehog: Sonadow (Sonic x Shadow)

From Deltarune: Krusie (Kris x Susie), Suselle (Susie x Noelle), Kerdly (Berdly x Kris). Spamvil (Spamton x Jevil)

From Undertale: (Alphys x Undyne)

From Pokémon (anime series): (Goh x Ash) (Ash x Gary x Goh) (Serena x Iris) (Clemont x Tracey)

From Kung Fu Panda: (Li Shan x Mr. Ping)

From Sam and Max Freelance Police: Freelance Husbands (Sam x Max)

From Legend of Korra: Korrasami (Korra x Asami)

From In Stars and Time: Isaffrin (Isabeau x Siffrin)

From Final Fantasy 7: (Aerith x Tifa x Cloud x Zach)

From Omori: Sunflower (Basil x Sunny), Cactiflower (Kel x Basil)

From the Adventure Zone (Balance): (Kravitz x Taako)

From One Piece: (Zorro x Sanji) (Zorro x Luffy [unrequited])

From Rockos Modern Life (Rachel x Rocko)

From The Owl House: Lumity (Luz x Amity)

From Kingdom Hearts: Soriku (Riku x Sora). Sidekick Dads (Donald x Goofy).

From Winnie the Pooh: Ragber/Tigbit (Rabbit x Tigger)

From Half Life But the AI is Self-Aware: Frenrey (Gordon x Benrey), Boomer (Bubby x Dr. Coomer)

From Mob Psycho 100: Terumob (Teru x Mob). Serieri (Arataka Reigen x Katsuya Serizawa)

From Darkwing Duck/Ducktales 2017: (Launchpad x Drake Mallard)

From We Bare Bears: Grizznom (Grizz x Nom Nom) Panlie (Charlie x Panda)

From Duckula: (Count Duckula x Goosewing)

From Time Squad: Tuddlarry (Tudd Russel x Larry 3000)

From Pinky and the Brain: (Pinky x Brain)

She-Ra Princesses of Power: Glimmora (Glimmer x Adora)

From Wander over Yonder: Skeleton Dance

From Adventure Time: (Princess Bubblegum x Marceline the vampire Queen)

From Steven Universe: (Pearl x Bismuth)

From Sk8 the infinity: Renga (Reki x Langa), Matchablossom (Joe x Cherry)

From Given: (Ritsuka x Mafuyu)

From the Muppets: (Beaker and Bunsen)

From Seasme Street: (Bert and Ernie)

Equestria Girls/Mlp: (Sunset x Twilight (any version))

Okay now just onto the Wordgirl ones lol:

(Tjohnson/Fanboys) TJ Botsford x Johnson

(Tubebrains) Dr. Two-brains x Professor Tubing

(Knuckle Sandwich/PB&Wham) Chuck the evil sandwich making guy x The Whammer

(InvisibleHand) Invisi-bill x Big left hand Guy

(Victory Roses) Victoria x Rose

Butcher x Two-brains x Chuck

Scoops x Phil

And then just to my queer Wordgirl AU ones (Future AU) (Yes I know that these include oc ships, but I you have no idea how much I actively ship these more than the list up there lol.)

(Team Mom) Claire McCallister x Harris

(Space Gluri!!) Lei Lexicon x Pen Exagon

(Wil-Luis) Wil-Liam x Luis McCallister-Botsford

(Baked-in Stars) Tori McCallister-Botsford x Sele May

(Mecha shipping) Kuzo Botsford x Zach Notarobot

Thrash x Requiem

(Second Chance) Edith McCallister x Lupe Vásquez

(Legally Cheesy) Brie Boxleitner x Elaine Question

(Roast beef sandwich) Mason Carbini x Hoagie the young Sandwich-making Guy

(Tall shipping) Cecil Vásquez x Jeremy

Otty Monnie Smalls x Hanna Botsford

[crispy-ghee]

Doing comic research and stumbled across this and I really want to illustrate this, because the image of Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson dragging Larry off his ass and taking off his warm up jacket and pretty much trying to force him to play is really funny to me.

“In one of those games, I was in my usual spot on the floor when this Latin American official ran by our bench,” Bird recounted. “I hadn’t played all game, and as he ran by, he said, ‘Mr. Bird, Mr. Bird, please, you must come into the game.’ I was looking at him, wondering what he was talking about. He said, ‘I must be able to tell my family that I refereed a game in which the great Larry Bird was playing.' “Of course, it was my luck Magic [Johnson] and Michael [Jordan] were sitting on the bench with me at the time,” the living legend continued. “Next thing I know, they’re pulling off my warm-up jersey and telling Chuck Daly to get me in there.”

[marylairre]

Lairre versus the rest

I've been meaning to make this post for a while. Which characters in the Pleasant Green Universe are Lairre? And which are not? Let's mess about and find out. I'm using a pros and cons system here, pros being arguments for the character in question being Lairre, cons being arguments against the character in question being Lairre.

Small disclaimer, I'm writing this at work and only have my brain and the wiki page to rely on. If there's anything I've missed, feel free to reblog and comment! Also, keep in mind this started out as a joke that came forth out of the 'what if all Nicola Walker characters are Lairre' meme! With most of these characters, I'm not too serious, but I still wanted to include them all.

Mrs. Wilson (Fragments)

Pro: Mythos reveals Lairre had innate knowledge of Pleasant Green while not having been involved in the operation (as far as we know). Either her clearance level is high enough, or she's (temporarily) lived there.

Con: Mrs. Wilson is married and has a daughter and a son, the latter of the two being enrolled at the University of Aberdeen. It is unlikely a cover personality would go this deep for this long.

Con: Mrs. Wilson presumably disappeared when all of Pleasant Green did. If not, she is likely the housekeeper Kennedy Fisher mentions in The Haunter of the Dark.

Verdict: it is unlikely that Mrs. Wilson is a cover personality of Lairre's.

Dr. Annika Gruber (The Listener)

Pro: Her work involves memory related tasks, including but not limited to alteration, removal and replacement of existing memories in people - this is always something that is worth noting when it comes to this universe.

Con: She seems to hold down a stable job where she is essential and needed. The impression is that she's been in the job for a longer period of time.

Verdict: while it is up in the air and could hypothetically go both ways, it is unlikely that Dr. Gruber is a cover personality of Lairre's.

Rachel Weir (Bad Memories)

Con: Rachel meets her untimely end at the Blake House, and turns out to be the fifth body found years after the original disappearances.

Verdict: it is not possible that Rachel is a cover personality of Lairre's.

Bisa (Bad Memories)

Con: Bisa is alive and well after having left Blake House, and presumably lived to old age.

Verdict: it is unlikely that Bisa is a cover personality of Lairre's.

Alice Price (Kokomo)

Pro: Alice has a willingness to abandon protocol and bend the rules when she wants so long as it benefits the case. These are traits that Lairre is also prone to.

Con: Has a long history when it comes to police/detective work and now works for the CTU as a negotiator.

Con: Canonically has a father, who we hear her speak to at the start of the episode. Lairre, according to her folklore, came to England without family.

Con: Kokomo as a story seems unconnected/separate from the rest. The would-be lasting impact of the Kokomo virus seems to have had no repercussions or impact on the PGU as a whole.

Verdict: it is unlikely that Alice Price is a cover personality of Lairre's.

Dr. Fallon (Fugue State)

Pro: Mythos reveals Lairre had innate knowledge of Pleasant Green while not having been involved in the operation (as far as we know). Either her clearance level is high enough, or she gained this knowledge under cover.

Con: Johnson is there, who is Lairre's boss. If this was Lairre undercover, he would very likely know.

Con: Dr. Fallon falls into a fugue state and lives on as a non-corporeal consciousness. This was presumably incurable. The episode takes place a year before Mythos does, and thus conflicts with Lairre's personal timeline.

Verdict: it is not possible that Dr. Fallon is a cover personality of Lairre's.

Mary Lairre (Mythos)

Verdict: this is the original deal, what more do you want me to say? She is the nun, the myth, the legend.

Dr. Eleanor Peck (The Lovecraft Investigations / Who is Aldrich Kemp?)

Verdict: it was canonically confirmed in episode 10 of The Haunter of the Dark, after many hints throughout the previous series, that Dr. Eleanor Peck is an alternate personality of Lairre's.

Mrs. Alice Boone (Aldrich Kemp series)

Pro: The top layer of her mind is medieval, a fact that characters like Clara Page put too much emphasis on to be random.

Pro: She seems somewhat indestructible for a mortal woman. She's been injured on several occasions, including getting hit by a car and getting thrown through a shop window on impact. She got off suspiciously well, without lasting injuries.

Con: Mrs. Boone has an extensive history, including having been an Olympic Gold medalist in Seoul in 1988. We don't currently know how far cover personalities or kaleidoscope memories go and how much can be implanted, such as enough knowledge of fencing to win a gold medal in it. This con is tentative.

Con: Mrs. Boone has a long and extensive history with the Themis Group, and Aunt Lilly has a great knowledge of her past. It is doubtful this is false.

Con: Mrs. Boone has listened to and is a fan of The Mystery Machine podcast, something which Dr. Eleanor Peck is heavily involved in. She cannot be in two places at the same time.

Verdict: it is highly unlikely that Mrs. Boone is a cover personality of Lairre's.

[marci11e]

i was tagged by my fav bes fic writer/mutual @kaladinkholins thank you <3

the rules of the game are to write one song for every letter in your url, and then tag as many people as there are letters in your url.

(doing this i realize now the songs i like sorted by letter in spotify are not all equal in number lol) (i tried to do all different artists, except for maggie she gets two songs because i love her) these are all songs i adore btw + carry with me

b - be cool by maggie rogers (like. be cool.)

l - let’s get married by bleachers (mr. antonoff. this is a masterpiece)

u - uptown girl by billy joel (such a fun time)

e - epic iii (“they danced”) - instrumental by hadestown original broadway cast (uhhhhh this is literally the most beautiful thing that makes me want to cry every time i listen to it :) )

t - take me home, country roads by john denver (a classic)

h - hypotheticals by lake street dive (this song singlehandedly made me make a pt. 2 to one of my fav playlists) (so groovy)

i - iris by the goo goo dolls (everyone give it up for the song that makes me sing at the top of my lungs in the car every time i hear it)

s - south london forever by florence + the machine (the green is so green. if you even care)

i - i’m yours by jason mraz (s/o to my fic writing roots)

s - so sick of dreaming by maggie rogers (this is a recent release but it’s sooooo fleetwood mac coded and sounds like summer)

f - femininomenon by chappell roan (chappell roan writes songs i want to hear more of. aka songs that are fun and i love her)

o - orange by clay (one of my college roommates showed this to me several years ago and i still love hearing it)

r - rainbow connection by kermit the frog (i mean. come on)

y - you might think by the cars (this one is just a movie coded song and that’s why it’s good)

o - one summer’s day - instrumental by vitamin string quartet (as beautiful as the original piano track is. this rendition is genuinely phenomenal. i love love love this version. it’s like you’re being bathed in summer.)

u - upside down by jack johnson (mr. johnson you are a legend to me . soundtrack of my childhood)

16 letters urls are no joke omg. thankfully i love songs so here we are <3

tagging: @pikasso @wenightmareyou @darkacademily @vampirehowl @hale-of-stiles-heart @wikare @dolittlephd @elbombo @teabookgremlin @shoobiie @my-destiny-awaits @perrieedwards @nymphofnovels @bisexualmonsters @erikaii @fairlystitious

[kimberly40]

Popcorn Sutton- A scrawny, long-bearded mountain man with a foul mouth and a passing acquaintance with copper tubing and kettles, Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton seemed the embodiment of moonshiners of yore. Popcorn was a legend, the ultimate Bootlegger and maker of Moonshine likker. He was born Marvin Sutton; folks knew him as Popcorn. The story is that Marvin was in a bar and became agitated with a popcorn vending machine. He attacked the machine with a pool cue. I don’t know who won that fight, but thereafter he was no longer Marvin, he was Popcorn. Brought up in rural Cocke County, Tenn., identified as one of four "moonshine capitals of the world" in the corn-whiskey history "Mountain Spirits," Mr. Sutton learned the family trade from his father.

The practice goes back to the Scots-Irish, who brought it to the New World, and it wasn't illegal until after the Civil War, says Dan Pierce, chairman of the history department at the University of North Carolina at Asheville. "This is something that legitimately is an expression of the culture of this region," Mr. Pierce says. Like his forebears, Mr. Sutton had brushes with the law, and was first convicted of selling untaxed liquor in the early 1970s. He mostly kept out of trouble after that, though friends say his nickname came from an unfortunate encounter with a balky barroom popcorn machine. But he was well known as a distiller around his native Parrottsville.

He was a familiar figure at the Misty Mountain Ranch Bed & Breakfast in nearby Maggie Valley, N.C., wearing faded overalls and with a back stooped, he said, from decades of humping bags of sugar into the hills. He picked the banjo and serenaded guests on the inn's porch. He helped decorate the $155-a-night Moonshiner suite at the inn with some still hardware. Mr. Sutton put a modern spin on his vocation, appearing in documentaries and even penning an autobiography, "Me and My Likker." Souvenir shops in Maggie Valley sold his video, "The Last Run of Likker I'll Ever Make," and even clocks with his image on them. Other moonshiners have gone legit and cashed in; a former Nascar driver and moonshiner now offers Junior Johnson's Midnight Moon in Southern liquor stores. But Mr. Sutton insisted on earning a living the old-fashioned way, and in 2007, agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives busted him with 850 gallons of moonshine, stored in an old school bus on his property. He was convicted in 2008 and was due to report to prison Friday and he was going to have to spend time in prison. For a mountain man, death was a better alternative. On March, 2009, Popcorn ended his life, rather than go to a federal prison. Instead, facing the verdict and ill health, he was found dead by Ms. Sutton at the age of 62 on Monday, and authorities suspect carbon-monoxide poisoning.

Going out like he lived, his epitaph read: “Marvin Popcorn Sutton / Ex-Moonshiner / October 5, 1946 / March 16, 2009 Popcorn Said f***k you.” I bleeped the last word! Ms. Sutton discovered her husband in his green Ford Fairlane. "He called it his three-jug car," she told the AP, "because he gave three jugs of liquor for it."

[vg-mom-throwdown]

The List is Here!

We’ve gone through all your submissions and picked out the 64 characters that will fight for the title of Best VG Mom! Down below is all the match-ups that will take place, but they haven’t been placed on a bracket up. We tried to keep all match-ups as fair as possible, but please give us feedback if you feel like some of them are unfair. We wanna keep this fun for all, no matter how big or small the game might be. Please take a look! - 🐟

Meta Knight (Kirby) Vs. Olimar (Pikmin)

Ender Dragon (Minecraft) Vs. Minecraft Chicken (Minecraft)

All PC Moms (Pokemon) Vs. Your Mom (Animal Crossing)

Lusamine (Pokemon SM) Vs. Melony (Pokemon SWSH)

Hinawa (Mother 3) Vs. Ness’ Mom (Earthbound)

Persephone (Hades) Vs. Nyx (Hades)

Rosalina (Super Mario Galaxy) Vs. Honey Queen (Super Mario Galaxy)

Yayoi Dojima (Yakuza) vs. Yumi Sawamura (Yakuza)

Thora West (Slime Rancher) Vs. Grimora (Inscryption)

Among Us Crewmate (Among Us) vs. Mama Rabbit (The Man in the Window)

Queen (Deltarune) Vs. GLaDOS (Portal)

Dark Enchantress Cookie (Cookie Run) Vs. Mommy Mearest (Friday Night Funkin)

Yoshi (Super Mario) Vs. Bayonetta (Bayonetta)

Crono’s Mom (Crono Trigger) Vs. Isaac’s Mom (The Binding of Isaac)

5-Volt (WarioWare) Vs. Mrs. Sanderson (Chibi-Robo)

Lumera (Fire Emblem) Vs. Palutena (Kid Icarus)

Kyra (Our Life) Vs. Niko’s Mom (OneShot)

Cubone’s Mom (Pokemon) Vs. Kangaskhan (Pokemon)

Urbosa (Legends of Zelda) Vs. Impa (Legends of Zelda)

Milla Vodello (Psychonauts) Vs. Vanilla the Rabbit (Sonic the Hedgehog)

Joyce Price (Life is Strange) Vs. Lisa Johnson-Fisher (Sally Face)

Ei/Raiden Shogun (Genshin Impact) Vs. Cloud Retainer (Genshin Impact)

Freya (God of War) Vs. Morrigan (Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Naru (Ori and The Blind Forest) Vs. Masked Songbird (Songbird Symphony)

The Night Mother (Skyrim) Vs. Sole Survivor (Fallout 4)

Kara (Detroit Become Human) Vs. M (Xenoblade 3)

Mother Brain (Metroid) Vs. Lisa Tepes (Castlevania)

Ballora (Sister Location) Vs. Isa (Minecraft: Story Mode)

Sonic Boom (Skylanders) Vs. Worried Mother (Miitopia)

The Queen of all Cosmos (Katamari Damacy) Vs. Hitomi Sagan (Ai: The Somnium FIle)

Justine Courtney (Ace Attorney) Vs. Link’s Grandma (LOZ Wind Waker)

Cooking Mama (Cooking Mama) Vs. Lady Dimitrescu (Resident Evil Village)

[blogofblogofblogs]

50 CELEBRITIES YOU (MAYBE) DIDN'T KNOW HAD TIES TO PRO WRESTLING

Even before Mr. T got involved in the first Wrestlemania, celebrities of one form or another have been stepping into the squared circle. A list of those well-known famous folks appearing just on WWE shows over the decades would be near-infinitely long, let alone once you add the ones that showed up in WCW, ECW, IMPACT and, now, AEW. But this list/article, which I first started putting together over five years ago, is an attempt to go beyond the more mainstream publicity stunts. With only a couple of exceptions, this list is going to be a little different, covering 50 of the movie stars, athletes and even politicians who appeared outside of those notable promotions. Now, in fairness, some on the list were wrestlers first and foremost, but I feel their connections with popular culture outside of the squared circle qualifies them for such a list. And now, the list:

50. BELA LUGOSI

Kicking things off is Dracula himself. One of the earliest examples of a celebrity taking part in a wrestling show, Bela Lugosi appeared on one show managing/seconding NWA legend Lou Thesz. While this may sound unreal considering Thesz' stance on theatrics in wrestling, Lou himself verified it on his old message board. It was essentially a publicity stunt (as all these things are, honestly) arranged by Sandor Szabo, as all three men with ties to Hungary had been acquaintances prior. Sadly, beyond Thesz confirming it happened, little else of the match and event have surfaced; no date, venue or opponent (possibly Szabo?) is known, nor is whether or not Bela wore his famous Dracula cape to the ring.

49. KIWI KINGSTON

Lugosi wasn't the only Universal Monster to get involved with pro wrestling. Unlike Bela, New Zealand-born Erine "Kiwi" Kingston was a wrestler first - with a 20+ year career stretching back to the late 1940s. - but his turn as the Frankenstein Monster in the Hammer/Universal co-production THE EVIL OF FRANKENSTEIN (1964) late in his career is undoubtedly what he is most well-known for today. He would have two more unremarkable cinematic outings and wrap up his wrestling career by 1969. He may not have been the most well-known Frankenstein Monster in either the Hammer or Universal series, he is technically the final Universal one, so that counts for something.

48. MAX PALMER

One of the legit giants of the wrestling ring, Max Palmer's billed height ranged anywhere between 7'7" and 8'2 While neither is likely accurate, he was still a tall, tall boy. Palmer originally took his massive frame to Hollywood, but only managed to snag a handful of (known) roles while there. Mostly used for sight gags on comedy shows starring the likes of Martin & Lewis as well as Jimmy Durante, Palmer would become somewhat iconic as one of the more prominent Martians in INVADERS FROM MARS (1953).

Palmer was also the titular monster in the B-movie KILLER APE (1953), sparring with Johnny (Tarzan) Weissmuller's Jungle Jim. Leaving Tinseltown behind, Palmer would soon find another calling in the squared circle. Originally billed under his real name, he would soon alternate between it and Paul Bunyan (and later, a third gimmick - Hercules) as he worked territories across the country, including (what would eventually be known as) Mid-Atlantic, CWF, AWA and Tri-State/Mid-South often taking part in battle royals and 2-or3-on-1 matches, but also working with the likes of Verne Gagne, Bobo Brazil, Dory Funk and Angelo Poffo. While it lasted longer than his acting stint, wrestling was also not Max's ultimate calling; he would retire from the ring after only five years. After that, he became an evangelist billing himself as Goliath For Christ. Most of us just know him as a classic movie monster.

47. TOR JOHNSON

An icon to bad movie buffs everywhere, Tor Johnson's wrestling career isn't *that* big a secret, especially if you watched Tim Burton's ED WOOD (1994). However, I'm a petty bastard and I want to use this as a platform to set one of that lovely film's many, many factual errors straight. While the movie shows the inept director discovering the brutish Johnson at a wrestling show and convincing him to be in a movie, the truth is Johnson's acting career (and to a degree, his wrestling career) were much more robust than Burton's take on things. In truth, by the time Wood and Johnson met, Tor had not only been wrestling for 23 years, but had been acting for 21 of them as well. With over two dozen film credits to his, er, credit prior to the Wood films, Tor had appeared (albeit often uncredited) in the films of W.C. Fields, Erroll Flynn, Abbott and Costello, and Bob Hope. His rasslin' career was nothing to sneeze at, either, with Buddy Rogers being the wrestler Tor worked with the most during his career. Very little of his actual ring work exists (the image used above is from a movie in which he portrayed a wrestler), which is a shame, but how many wrestlers can say they were a Don Post mask?

46. HAROLD SAKATA

Since we're kind of in the "actual wrestlers, just more well-known for some one-off in Hollywood" zone, let's continue with one of the most famous examples. First gaining some amount of fame winning a silver medal in weightlifting for the U.S. at the 1948 Olympics, Sakata began a wrestling career that would span nearly 30 years, working under his own name and as Tosh Togo. During that time, he traveled the world, worked over 2000 matches on record, feuded with the likes of Nick Bockwinkel and helped introduce Rikidozan to the business during a tour of Japan. In 1964, Sakata was cast in his first acting gig as the villainous henchman Oddjob in the James Bond film GOLDFINGER (1964). The film proved a massive hit, eventually amassing $124 million off a $3 million budget. With his sudden demand in Hollywood, Sakata would lighten his grappling schedule over the years as he took on more roles; while most of the films he appeared in were most of the B-movie nature, he fared better on television, where his instantly-recognizable appearance saw him cast in everything from the ROCKFORD FILES to GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. A memorable parody of Sakata's Oddjob would appear decades later in the first AUSTIN POWERS film, proving this great wrestler's legacy in the cinematic world doesn't look too shabby, either.

45. MACH FUMIAKE

Mach Fumiake (born Fumie Watanabe) is a legitimate legend of the ring. Starting off as a teenage singer and television personality, Mach would joining All-Japan Women's before she was 15. While her career was brief, she became a legend - winning (and losing) their top title, the WWWA World Championship before she turned 16 and retired before 18, leaving behind a legacy that influenced a number who followed and flourished.

BUT...as that may all be well and good and awesome, she's mostly known to western audiences as the lead superhero alien Kilara in the 1980 kaiju film GAMERA SUPER MONSTER. Sadly, little footage of her in-ring work has survived, so even many of those who know of her career have only ever seen her in this film.

44. / 43. LITTLE MAN MACHAN / LITTLE FRANKIE

Moving from Gamera to Godzilla, we have two wrestlers most widely known for portraying the Big G's son. Portraying Minya throughout the original Showa era staring with SON OF GODZILLA (1967), Masao Fukazawa - better known professionally as Little Man Machan - had been a theater performer and professional wrestler before stepping into a rubber suit and his most famous role. Sadly, very little is known about Fukazawa's wrestling career other than he apparently had one.

On the other hand, his successor Little Frankie (real name Masanobu Okamoto) had a very well-documented 10-year career, working for All-Japan, DDT and FMW. Two years into his wrestling career, he was hired to portray Little Godzilla in GODZILLA VS. SPACE GODZILLA (1994), essentially the same character as Machan's Minya in the rebooted continuity.

42. PAT ROACH

Another ring veteran with a long and storied career, Pat Roach enjoyed four decades as a mainstay on the British wrestling scene, stretching from 1960 until he retired in 1998 and holding the British World Championship in the mid-'80s. Nearly a decade into his grappling career, Roach was hired to play a small role in Kubrick's A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971) and spent the next thirty years working the two professions concurrently with pretty decent success. He ended up appearing in a number of notable films including three different Robert E. Howard adaptations (CONAN THE DESTROYER (1984), RED SONJA (1985) and KULL (1997), Harryhausen's CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981) and the James Bond vehicle NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN (1983). But there would be two roles in particular that would imprint Roach in wider social awareness, the German Mechanic in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981) and WILLOW (1988)

Roach's appearance in the first Indiana Jones film - he actually appeared in all three of the original trilogy in different roles - was brief but memorable, as his eager but ill-fated hulking mechanic spars with Indy for a few before eating an airplane propeller. It would prove memorable enough that his character received action figures, including a vintage Kenner release at the time of the film. Toward the end of the '80s, Roach would step before the camera again as General Kael for WILLOW, and while the film did not reach the heights of Lucas' previous STAR WARS, it was still marketed heavily and Kael's fearsome visage was plastered all over it.

41. MIKE LANE

Mike Lane may not be that well-known in either the wrestling or film worlds, but he definitely deserves a spot on this because, let's face it - how many wrestlers got to be villains on the 1966 Batman TV show? (Spoiler: There was at least one more, featured later on this list). Lane was a tall man - billed at 6'8" - and turned his size into a career, starting off as a circus act before getting into wrestling, where he was billed as Dick Hollbrook for a time before switching to Tarzan Mike. Throughout the 1950s, Lane worked mostly California promotions, battling the likes of Mad Dog Vachon, Hard Boiled Haggerty and Duke Keomuka.

But not long after getting into wrestling, Lane's height landed him a role as a boxer in THE HARDER THEY FALL (1956), which was Humphrey Bogart's final film role. While still wrestling, Lane picked up a side gig as an actor, parlaying his frame into multiple roles as the Frankenstein monster (FRANKENSTEIN 1970 (1958) and the 1976 television show MONSTER SQUAD) and Hercules in one of the many peplum films made in Italy at the time. Oh, and he was a Batman villain. Sure, he was just one of the "goons," as Tallulah Bankhead's Black Widow was the main villain for the two-episode story, but Lane's goon was a rarity in that he got his own villain name: Daddy Long Legs. Mike would bring his wrestling career to an end at the start of the '60s, devoting more time to appearing in the likes of KOJAK, KNIGHT RIDER and THE MONKEES, though he apparently returned for one single match in 1985, facing Outlaw Ron Bass.

40. RUSS FRANCIS

Moving away from movies to sports, here's one that has some of you saying "Wait, I thought we weren't counting WWF appearances and everyone knows this guy was in the Wrestlemania 2 battle royal." Well, yes, that's true, but here's what's also true: Russ was something of a "ringer" for the match. Russ was the son of wrestling promoter Ed Francis and teamed with his brother Bill for a number of years in the mid-1970s (all while playing football at the same time), even winning the NWA Hawaii Tag titles.

39. ERNIE HOLMES

And Russ wasn't the only ringer on the football side of that WM2 battle royal. About five years before taking part in that spectacle, two-time Super Bowl winner Holmes had previously dabbled in the wrestling territories, working a little over a dozen matches for the Georgia territory (feuding mostly with Baron Von Raschke), a tag team match with Buck Robley against the Freebirds (Hayes & Gordy) in Mid-South and a few sporadic appearances at a smaller Texas territory.

38. OTIS SISTRUNK

From a Super Bowl-winning Steeler with ties to the Freebirds, we turn to a Super Bowl-winning Raider with ties to the Freebirds. A Pro Bowler, Sistrunk's time in professional wrestling was fairly short. After a one-shot for Mid-Atlantic against Big John Studd, Otis went to Georgia, where he was recruited by Michael Hayes to help him against Terry Gordy and Jimmy Snuka. The ad hoc pair ended up winning the tag titles, but the business proved not to be for Sistrunk, as he would suddenly vacate the title and retire from wrestling after half a dozen or so matches.

37. WOODY STRODE

Few of the football players on this list are as legendary as Woody Strode. When the NFL finally allowed Black men to compete, Strode was one of two such men who broke the race barrier in 1946. Alongside a healthy film career (Woody was nominated for a Golden Globe for his role in SPARTACUS (1960)) that saw him appear in around a hundred roles in 55 years, Strode featured in Tarzan/jungle and Hercules/peplum movies, westerns, and was even a Batman villain at one point, as the Grand Mogul (told ya Mike Lane wasn't the only Bat-Villain on this list).

But before Woody ever played professional football, he was a pro wrestler. Strode first jumped into the squared circle in 1940, working the California area for a short time before his football career took off. Once touchdowns were in the past, Strode would again return to wrestling in 1949, spending the next eight years working the likes of Gorgeous George as he traveled everywhere from Hawaii to Canada. After a brief comeback half a decade later, Strode finally hung up the boots and focused on acting.

36. ALEX KARRAS

Few football players on this list had a more controversial career than four-time Pro Bowler Alex Karras. For about six months, Karras turned to pro wrestling between his college and NFL careers, having matches with the likes of Wilbur Snyder, Dick the Bruiser, the original Nicoli Volkoff, Don & Jackie Fargo, and Bronco Lubich. In the early '60s, Karras admitted to gambling on NFL matches, a serious no-no for an NFL player. With nothing else to do while serving out his suspension, Karras went back to his old grappling stomping grounds, joining the AWA for a losing effort against Dick the Bruiser before returning to the gridiron. Now, while a 4-time Pro Bowl player might be enough to get someone like Karras on the list, it's really what happened after both of his sports careers ended. See, Karras discovered he was only a pawn in the game of life.

Alex turned to acting, and in-between smaller roles in films like M*A*S*H (1974) and PORKY'S (1981) had two breakout roles that endeared him to millions. His supporting role of Mongo in 1974's BLAZING SADDLES and later starring with Emmanuel Lewis on the hit show WEBSTER (1983-87) as George Papadopolis. Oh, and he was the Hooded Fang in the children's cult classic JACOB TWO-TWO MEETS THE HOODED FANG (1978). Not bad for a guy that started off making some bad bets.

35. JACK DEMPSEY

While football is the most common sport one transitions from to wrestling, boxing isn't far behind it and some of the biggest names in the game have dabbled in wrestling as well. In the modern era, we have the likes of Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali and Tyson Fury, but the legacy goes way back. In the 1920s, Jack Dempsey - while still World champion - would take part in public exhibitions with his friend Luigi Montagna, aka Bull Montana the wrestler to entertain crowds before his title matches. In 1925, the two fought at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum as part of a celebration for military athletes and personnel, with Dempsey tossing Bull out of the ring to win the match. After his heyday, Dempsey would do some referee work in wrestling, apparently reffing at least one match between Lou Thesz and Buddy Rogers, and by the 1940s, he would occasionally pop up on North Carolina wrestling cards in straight-but-semi-worked boxing matches.

34. JOE LOUIS

Dempsey was only a pioneer in the pugilist-to-wrestler field, and many World champions would follow. Joe Louis, whose title reign still holds the record for length, found himself in the same place as his boxing career drew to a close. Shortly after retiring from one ring, Louis stepped into a new ring in 1954, working across the Midwest, but his life as a grappler would be short-lived, as an injury in '56 led to his retiring from active competition as well. Joe would then become a referee before he returned to active wrestling in later '60s, usually as part of tag matches, and retire from the ring for good in the mid-70s.

33. JOE FRAZIER

Knocking out the boxing round of this list, Joe Frazier. The first man to defeat Ali, once Frazier was done in the ring (for a time, he attempt multiple comebacks), he found himself in the world of wrestling. While many are aware of his shots as referee for the Flair/Dusty match at the second Starrcade and as cornerman for Mr. T at Wrestlemania 2, Frazier had been part of wrestling for years prior. As early as 1979, he was reffing for Carlos Colon in Puerto Rico. He would put on the tights himself in April of 1984, having matches against Colon and Victor Jovica before refereeing a match between Colon and Bruiser Brody that same month (with the finish seeing Brody taking a punch from Frazier).

32. BABE RUTH

Few names on this list - or many lists, for that matter - are more legendary than the great Bambino, Babe Ruth. Still considered by many to be the greatest baseball player ever, Ruth remains an icon many decades later. After his days as a slugger were over (and even during them, according to the Bleacher Report), Ruth spent some time in 1945 as a celebrity referee in the Maine, Boston and Portland areas, and as pics suggest, would get more physical with the wrestlers than many refs of the era would.

31. TONYA HARDING

After finding herself exiled from figure skating after her husband orchestrated an attack on a fellow skater, Tonya Harding became a tabloid regular in the mid-'90s. Seeking to exploit her notoriety, wrestling promoters quickly began courting her. Weeks after the attack, the WWF made her an offer to appear at Wrestlemania X (she declined) and soon after, Takashi Matsunaga offered her $2 million to work for All-Japan, but for whatever (likely legal) reason, that did not pan out. That didn't stop wrestling from wooing the disgraced skater.

On June 24, 1994, Harding would make her wrestling debut in less grand fashion in Oregon, agreeing to appear on a bizarre show comprised of Portland-territory regulars and lucha libre stars, with even the press conference for that getting air time on CNN. For one night only, Harding was the manager of Los Gringos Locos (Eddy Guererro and Art Barr) and their trios partner Brian Cox, facing off against Blue Panther Jr, Perro Aguayo and Konnan. Things got really odd, as the promoters never had time to procure a manager's license for Harding, so after the ring introductions, she had to spend the match sitting in a chair halfway down the entrance aisle. That would be it for Harding's time in wrestling for over a decade, during which she found a new calling as a professional boxer. Around 2008, while competing for a boxing promotion in Arkansas, Harding was confronted in the ring by local wrestling personality Boss Campbell, who trash-talked the crowd and Tonya before she punched him out.

[althea-and-alcestris]

Some theme songs

Some (by some I mean a whole playlist worth) theme songs for my two girls

Althea:

Oh No! - Marina and the Diamonds

The Family Jewels - MARINA

Are You Satisfied? - MARINA

The Party - Coraline

Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez

For The Love of a Daughter - Demi Lovato

Little Dark Age - MGMT

Good Enough - Little Mix

Pretty Little Psycho - Porcelain Black

dying on the inside - Nessa Barrett

Family Line - Conan Gray

Cheri Cheri Lady - Modern Talking

Between Twillight - Lindsey Stirling

Sonne - Rammstein

Anonymous M - pinocchio p

You're A Useless Child - Kikuo

Princess - TOPHAMHAT-KYO

Who is She? - I Monster

Love Story - Indila

Hell's Coming With Me - Poor Man's Poison

Insane - Black Gryphon

Happy Face - Jagwar Twin

Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood

E.T. - Katy Perry

Elastic Heart - Sia

Soap - Melanie Martinez

Alcestris:

Secret Garden - EmpathP

One Day - Charice

Death - Melanie Martinez

Family Line - Conan Gray

DNA - Lia Marie Johnson

Who is She? - I Monster

Curses - The Crane Wives

Two Birds on a wire - Regina Spektor

lilium - elfen lied (specifically the slowed version)

Born For This - The Score

Problem - Becky G

Skin & Bones - Morgan St. Jean

Phoenix - Leauge of Legends

In The Army Now - Status Quo

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

Mother Mary - Mr. Kitty

Ancient Dreams In a Modern Land - MARINA

Centuries - Fall Out Boys

Feel Invincible - Skillet

Parents - YUNGBLUD

Never Give Up - Sia

Beautiful Creature - MIIA

Angel By The Wings - Sia

Hopefully all the links work, if not I'm gonna cry

[dr-jem-nutcase]

MvA: The M Files take-a-peek, pt. 4

Two chapters today. First one's rather small so it's not exactly a double feature

Chapter 4

Is it "shh" or "sshh"? You tell me. Artbook says "ssh"

And like that, slight panic starts not in the streets but in the White House

Maaaaan, someone sure let the White House front lawn go

Mr. President of the 1960s/70s, even though you definitely don't look one bit like John Kennedy or Lyndon Johnson, you've described a handful of times in America between your time & now (2023, in case some reads this in 2024 and beyond)

That is one heck of a color scheme for Monger's hair. Just about as mysterious as the president's hair: like how does that combover work? Or what is that supposed to be?

So there's a basic map of the facility we all came to know and love...or loathe...whatever. The artbook has a much bigger description of it, a LOT more detail. But you can kinda figure out where everything is in this picture in comparison with the movie, kinda maybe sort of. Hm

So, I guess Link is no longer on dry ice or whatever. Yay, I think

Chapter 5

Welp, so much for that mushroom cloud footage. Explosions were almost a comedy staple in 2000s cartoons, like the cooler & wagon crash landing on top of the SUV in Over the Hedge or the chain reaction explosions of the hunters' trucks courtesy of a propane tank in Open Season. Why Insecto's origin story was changed to exclude that...idk

First off, you wouldn't want any amount of radiation exposure in that close amount of space, especially with little aeration holes...in front of kids, no less

What does the kid second from the left have in his mouth? Definitely does NOT look like gum

I'm getting major bridal Thumbelina vibes from the girl in pink, that hair

Hey, is this a parody of Spiderman's origin story? Imma say yes! Japan's own superhero, Grubman!

No, I think we ended up with Spiderman meets Bruce Wayne. Or just a rich guy who had to undergo a good amount of medical treatment for a very abnormal bug bite. Boo hoo. But moving on!

How quickly did Insecto grow? And that would probably determine how she got from a museum to a marketplace. (Yes, Insecto is female. Confirmed by the artbook)

Whitewashing some of the locals or just tourists? You tell me

That's some lazy Kanji right there

So Japan already had experiences with giant monsters AND robots? I mean, there was Godzilla (who got blown up in the B&W OG movie), but still. My curiosity is P-I-Q-U-E-D. If Japan had this sort of problem before 1950, good luck convincing the Japanese public that monsters are just stuff of myth & legend. Japan must've been the chillest place in the world when the monsters made their debut

Indestructible. But not for an alien robot

RIP, pilot. We thank you for your service. You are forever in our hearts

Ooh, W. R. Monger-- "CAPTAIN! Captain W. R. Monger." If you don't know what this reference is, I'm very sorry for you

I know English is becoming more & more of an international language, but I'm not sure that it was THAT international in the 1960s/70s. So a Japanese general that was fluent in English back then was a miracle

So, was Insecto just there for that one night or was she just sitting there in downtown Tokyo for more than a day?

I just realized Monger's hair turned gray really quickly in between BOB's story and this one...and now it's brown again

For the record, his eyes aren't blue

Bright lights...like stadium lights, movie premiere searchlights, interrogation spotlights, tell me more

Oh! Christmas lights. I'm disappointed in you, Tokyo. Wait, there's stage lights...and a disco ball!! Lol! I stand corrected

I guess Monger names his monsters on the fly. As is shown in the movie, "Escar...gantua"

"We saved the city!"

"At what cost?"

"Ummmm...the city"

Goodbye, downtown Tokyo

Those lights must've bleached the fur on Insecto's back

And so...there they go, about to tow a 350-foot colossus across the world's biggest ocean and a few hundred miles inland through Cali and into Nevada

I just realized...how does Insectosaurus almost always stand upright if most, if not all insect species are invertebrates? A lot of invertebrates have exoskeletons, so hers is probably underneath all that fur. Pardon this quack/wannabe entomologist

I think there's two more posts after this, which both should be coming this week. Whoopee!!!

FYI: yes, I have been the proud owner of a hardcover copy of The Art of MvA since the early 2010s. You will have to hunt me down for it if you want it for yourself

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to mourn the end of Phantom of the Opera 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[bbbcnnie]

ʷʰᵉⁿ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ʳᵒᶜᵏⁱⁿ' ᵃⁿᵈ ʳᵒˡˡⁱⁿ' ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵉᵃʳ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵐᵒᵐᵐᵃ ᶜᵃˡˡ !

ᵇᵒⁿⁿⁱᵉ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵗᵃⁿᶜᵉ ᵍˡᵒʳⁱᵃ ᵐᵃʳʸ ᶜᵃʳˢᵒⁿ

BONNIE CARSON? out here on the road, they have a reputation of being CUNNING + HUMOROUS but also RECKLESS + EASILY AGITATED, no wonder they’re called BONNIE. according to local legend, they’re 30 and when they pull up to camp not a soul can mistake the sound of GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY – CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL following them. some say they carry A FADED, YELLOWED PICTURE OF HER CHILDHOOD CAT; A PIECE OF RED STRING TIED AROUND HER FINGER THAT SERVES AS A MAKESHIFT WEDDING BAND; HER NAN’S PRAYER BOOK; EVERY RAY CHARLES TAPE SHE COULD FIND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT  and have been traveling with THE CON JOBS.  ( soph ! )

pinterest - spotify 

CUE: ‘Our Father’ – The Five Blind Boys of Mississippi

A run-down bungalow-like shack, that probably used to be a farmhouse of some kind before big corporate came to town and robbed everyone of their land. Plaster’s coming off the wall, slowly but surely, but it’ll be another couple months before it gets damp and cold and someone’s actually gotta do something about that, so it’s ignored for now. The deep south, the 1950’s, in the midst of stifling heat, that’s where Constance Gloria Mary Carson is born, to mixed feelings – her father rejoices, a girl! Just what he wanted. Her mother only sighs and slumps back into the pillows. A girl, harder to get out of the house and working than a boy. Maybe she’ll be lucky again the next time ‘round.

Rolling Fork, Mississippi may have be a literal hellhole in every aspect of the word when looking back on it now, but from 1955 to 1960, the vast wasteland her father lovingly called their ‘backyard’ had been nothing short of an adventurous playground for little Connie May. Running around the place while momma shook her head and daddy read his paper, swinging by the tracks to watch the trains roll in and out every day, try and chase them for a bit until your lungs were burning and you were forced to stop, skip back home for a bland, in no way nutritious dinner. With a population of barely 1,300 , there was not much else to do. Perfect place to grow up, huh?

Soon enough, the Carsons turned from a family of four to a family of seven, and once deemed old enough – ‘She’s five, Jerry, for Heaven’s sake, she’ll manage watching’ the little ones, calm your horses’ – Connie May’s childhood abruptly stopped as she instead assumed the role of primary caregiver for her three younger siblings. Mom and Pop had to work all day, every day, with the paint peeling off the walls and the floorboards disintegrating underfoot, they had no other choice. In the neighbourhood, though, there are people who’ve got it worse, and the Carson’s are a pious family, so Connie May doesn’t even think about being unthankful for the little they have. Because they could have even less – when little Connie thinks about that too much her lips begin to quiver and her eyes grow awfully hot, a stinging pain underneath her lids as she tries to blink away her tears. Her mother had once reported, complained, nearly, to Mrs. Johnson from too houses down that Connie May was ‘a sickly little creature blessed – or cursed – with empathy’.

CUE: ‘Oh Happy Day’ – The Edwin Hawkins Singers

From the get-go, Connie May just … knows she’s different. She can feel it. It causes trouble from the moment she starts to talk. She’s an opinionated little girl, never shy to speak her mind. Because when the Swinging Sixties roll around, as Connie grows older and wiser, it gets increasingly harder and then, one day, impossible to ignore the inevitable. Rolling Fork was a death sentence. You’re born here, you procreate here, you die here. Simple as that. As your fathers and grandfathers and great-grandfathers have done before you. Get married off to the highest bidders, have a couple kids – or a couple dozen – and care for them while your slob of a husband goes to work at his shitty job that has him earning just enough so you’re just poor, not dirt poor.

Everyone around her, neighbours, classmates, they just .. .accept their situation. No, they are content with it. Content with knowing there’ll be no space for surprises, for action and adventure and all the fun stuff Connie May reads about in the novels she secretly slips from the library. That the furthest they’re ever getting from here is Louisville, if they’re lucky. It’s infuriating. It’s making her lose her mind.

The only escape from insanity is every other Sunday, when Momma and Daddy have to work and Mr. and Mrs. Dowall from next door take them to church. And heavens, does Bonnie love church. Not their regular church! Oh no, that’s just a stuffy little room, full of the same snot nosed kids she sits next to at school, who pull her hair and call her ‘nanny’ because she can’t join them at the county fair, has to watch her siblings instead. No, no, the Dowall church is different. The service there is the most exciting part of Connie May’s week. There’s always laughter and singing, gospel and worship in the way that she can get behind. A few weeks later, Mr. and Mrs. Dowall, with Momma’s approval, gift her two of their old records.

There are few fond memories of home, but one of them is dancing around the living room to ‘I Got A Woman’ and ‘Strange Things Happening Everyday’, standing on her father’s feet.

CUE: ‘Jesus Is Just Alright With Me’ – The Doobie Brothers

Connie May turns 17 in 1972, and by that time she’s got 2 friends, excluding her three younger siblings. Obviously excluding them, whatever connection she’s had to them has faded ever since their mother had begun to use Connie as a prime example for a person that had failed in life. Because her brother Robert had married his high school sweetheart the second they’d both turned 18, and he’d moved out a day after the wedding. They’re just … kids to her now. They’re getting older, too. They all take after her mother. It makes Connie sad, her dad, too, she sees it in the way he scratches his beard as if he’s lost in thought when, really, he’s tragically melancholic. Connie often wonders for how long her parents have been unhappy for.

Well, the ‘swinging sixties’ have come and gone, and so have the Dowell’s from next door and the fun services. Not dead, oh no, they just moved to live with their daughter and grandchildren, down in California. Good for them. Connie’s left, and she’s using the music they’ve gifted her to rebel against fucking everything in this god forsaken town. Tommy, Misha and her listen to records their parents don’t allow them to listen to because it’s ‘filthy, ungodly music’ in secret. Somehow, Connie May managed to convince her Momma that The Doobie Brothers were a nice, Christian rock n’ roll band. Maybe she’d had a gift for the odd con job ever since the beginning, huh?

CUE: ‘The Wild One’- Suzi Quatro

It takes another five fucking years for her life to finally change. In the year of our Lord, 1977, a dishevelled looking young woman with a million dollar smile rolls into town and Connie can only think of divine intervention as the cause of this … this miracle. Freshly twenty two, she’s already a burden to her parents – and reminded of that fact daily, thanks Momma! – and wants nothing more than to get out but there’s no way to escape. No loophole. Until, enter stage left, Tatiana appears. And changes her life for fucking ever,

First by changing her name. A simple mishearing turns Connie May into BONNIE and it just sticks. She sticks with it. She’s a new person and ready to embrace it.

Everything about Tatiana draws her in, and it is quite possible that the other woman is the coolest fucking person Bonnie has ever met. She’s so … god! She’s so everything that Rolling Fork is not, everything that Bonnie wants to be. She’s funny and nice, in her own way. She’s the most beautiful woman Bonnie has ever laid eyes upon. She’s dangerous and Bonnie craves the thrill of the unknown more than oxygen.

It's a quick and easy decision when Tatiana fina-fucking-lly invited her to join her on the road, live a life of adventure. In the dark of the night, Bonnie stuffs only the most important of her belongings into a duffel bag, leaves a note for her father telling him she’s safe and happy, and expressing her hope that he, too, may find happiness again, and then jumps into the passenger seat, laughing manically. Ready to leave her old life behind.

She doesn’t even glance in the rearview mirror when the pull out of the driveway.

However, Bonnie does lean out of the window as far as she can as they pass the sign that, in ugly faded letters, says: “You’re now leaving Rolling Fork! May God bless you and come again soon!” A fair bit of it was left covered in her spit.

CUE: ‘Whole Lotta Love’ – Led Zeppelin

Bonnie adjusts to life on the road fucking awfully at first but hey, she’s got much to learn and Tatiana is the best teacher one could’ve asked for. Bonnie might be naïve but she’s more than ready and willing to thrust herself into this life of crime. A little confused but she’s got the spirit! Most times her job’s simply to wait at the side of the road and look pretty and then pump the fucking gas when she goes from distraction to getaway driver. It’s turbulent, everything moving so fucking fast, but Bonnie has never felt so alive.

And so they make their way through the States, got a little routine going of sorts. Until one day, when they turn from Thelma and Louis to Bonnie and Clyde.

Usually, Bonnie’s got this thing where she puts on Creedence when they do their jobs, pull their stunts. This time, she goes for Led Zeppelin. Maybe it’s the thrill of the unfamiliar that causes the adrenaline to pump through her veins even faster, until suddenly, she finds herself standing behind some security guards who’d been about to corner and overpower Tatiana – she’s standing behind them and she’s got a gun pressed to one’s back while she’s got one of her boots pressed to the other’s neck. The guards let them go, they speed off, and once it’s safe enough, Bonnie pulls to the side of the road to yank Tatiana forward by her shirt. And, well, the rest is history. The rest is foggy windows and giggles and a drive to some poor pastor’s church who they bribe into giving them a marriage license, a fucking official one.

Next time they pull into the summit they’re fucking married. Spontaneous decisions had always been their forte.

CUE: ‘Blue Highway’ – Billy Idol

1985. It’s been some long years on the road since Rolling Fork. Hectic and dangerous and thrilling and just all in all fucking delightful. Even eight years down the line, Bonnie can’t find it within herself to regret the decisions that had brought her here, back to the summit, in their trusty old RV, her wife by her side. She fucking loves it, all of it. She loves Tatiana. Maybe not in the most conventional of ways for a married couple but she does, she loves her. Even if this open relationship typa situation they got on their hands isn’t her piece of cake – who’s she to complain? She might not be a godly woman anymore but she’s the same little Connie May that couldn’t bring herself to be unthankful for everything she had.

Hell, Bonnie even finds herself growing more fond of the other Con Jobs they picked up along the way. Even if she gets into fights with Wally over his choice of music every other day, even if Alfie and Wally do a god awful job of sneaking around every fucking night. She’s never wanted to be a mother or any of that shit, having spent her formative years as the sole caregiver of three little kids meant she had quite enough of kids for now.

But, then again, having cared for her siblings all these years had left its mark, and though she tries to hide it, Bonnie can’ t help but care when there’s a lost soul that needs her help. ‘Cursed with empathy’. At least you got that one right, Momma.

One rule has never waivered these past years on the road: Nobody touches the goddamn radio. Bonnie’s got full control over it. Even if she wants to take a trip down memory lane and listen to Sister Rosetta sing her best gospel hymns. Even if she wants to indulge her inner child with Madonna and Whitney’s latest hits. Everyone just has to sit and endure. So – Hands off!