#moving in less than two weeks and i don't own shit yet and also my room is not at all emptied

[potatoes83]

I appreciate the modifier "almost". Now, there was definitely a shift between the idealism of the white picket fence, the perfect family, Honey, I'm home world of the 50s and 60s, and say Married with Children, or The Simpsons. Both great sitcoms in their own right, but it was definitely a relatively new trope of the tit for tat between Peg and Al, or walking through the door to find Lisa on a hunger strike, and Bart smashing a hole through the drywall with a hammer, because reasons.

But there was this trope that definitely started more in the mid to latter period of our idealized Americana, and it most quickly comes to mind with The Flintstones. Now, I've opined on this before, but it bugs the hell out of me, because it's one we haven't yet been able to crack. It remains insidious. There's two sides to this. The first, and perhaps most obvious, is the fact that while Fred and Wilma love each other, one wrong move and she can be an absolute balls cutting bitch. Like seriously, if you have to sneak around to go bowling with the water buffalo lodge, crawling through the window of your own home because it's late and Wilma is either waiting to beat your ass with a cast iron skillet, or get pissed off and go to her mother's with the kid, what the hell is that? Like, living in the real non-idealized world, I don't have to worry about these sort of retributions. There is not going to be punishment or resentment because I want to hang out with my friends.

But then the other side, probably more subtle, is the fact that Fred is a freaking clod. And in this trope, the man always is. Wilma is pissed because Fred managed to forget their anniversary, went out bowling with the guys instead, said he'd be home by 8:00 to watch the kid because Wilma has a graniteware party or some shit that she told him about weeks ago, and instead comes sneaking in at a quarter to 12.

Now of course, the writing on this is just cheap humor. Supposedly relatable, one of those "uh oh, Fred's in the dog house again, we've all been there" sort of things. That's the point of a sitcom, it's idealized, dramatized, all sorts of other ized... but this thing started around that time, and it remains damaging to this day. Because if you look at male female couples as portrayed by the media, you see one of two things.

Going back to the age of The Flintstones, Fred is this big stupid blowhard popping off to anyone who will listen that he's the man of the house, he's not going to take no guff from Wilma for hanging out with the guys, and then comes home completely cucked both because she's downright vicious, but also kind of has a point because he's in the wrong, and is too arrogant to realize it because man. She's been cooking and cleaning all day, she asked him to do one thing, and he managed to screw it up because man. And you see that these days. Oh, she's pissed off, well he's just going to double down, he's going to tell her who the man of the house is, and then he gets the look. Granted, you see this one quite a bit less as time has gone on, because in general, you see strong men a lot less.

So then there's the other thing, and this is a more modern take, where the man is just a fucking idiot. I mean just this completely helpless man-child, thank goodness he is with this snarky judgmental always right woman, because if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be able to tie his shoes. Anything more complicated than football, nachos, and grunting, he is invariably going to fuck up, so we need her to come to the rescue by clicking something on her cell phone and calling in professionals to deal with it. Of course, while giving a snarky comment, and a holier than thou look. Good thing he's busy watching the game, he won't be in the way when she's getting railed by the plumber she had to call because he couldn't figure out how to put soap in the dishwasher.

What It ultimately boils down to is partnership. I won't even say equality, because that word has been really somewhat co-opted, and wouldn't come across is what I'm trying to get at. Marriage is a partnership. And there are traditional roles. But that is certainly not to say that you are locked into them. Historically, the man does the outside yard work, maybe not the flower gardening, works and provides for the family, the woman takes care of the inside stuff, the cooking the cleaning the vacuuming and all that. He provides for the home, she makes the home. And there is nothing wrong with this, that was a big change with the radfem movement of the 60s, was this idea that so-called traditional gender roles were somehow subjugating to women.

So in our case, I'm the primary provider, I maintain the outside of the house, the home repairs and upkeep, let's call that the traditional masculine gender role. But then I also do most of the cooking. I enjoy it, and I happen to be a trained chef. I'm also home first by a couple hours. The laundry is, I would say, probably split evenly if not leaning a little more towards me, but then it's like I'll do the laundry, but she'll fold and put away all the laundry. Partnership. What It ultimately boils down to is what needs doing. If I'm in the kitchen and the dishwasher needs unloading and reloading, then I'll probably do it. Or maybe she will. She might vacuum, I might vacuum, it just depends who decides to take it upon themselves to do it.

So in a partnership, neither of you are stuck doing a certain thing, or more to the point condemned to do it because of some arbitrary rule. Like she has never mowed the lawn, but that's because it's something that I really enjoy doing. It's a great way to blow off the stress of the work week, it's something that I just really like. And I can't think of any chore around here that she's done that I haven't, but that's because I lived with roommates or out on my own for quite a few years.

I'm getting off on a tangent here, but the point is, we somehow went from an idealism that was based on a reality of partnership, to this almost him versus her scenario. If I had to sneak around and lie to hang out with my friends because she's going to be pissed off no matter what, I wouldn't have married her. And she is strong, intelligent, and beautiful, so if I was one of those "woman, I worked all day, get in that kitchen and cook me a steak" kind of lunkheads, I would hope she wouldn't have married me either. I recognize that. I'm 41 years old. And was raised with two parents, both of whom were in a partnership to run the house and raise a family.

I mean, imagine being a young man today. If you have any kind of strength or self-confidence, you're told that's toxic masculinity, and you just can't be doing that. All your masculine role models in the media are cucks, and why would you want to date the judgmental trash that is portrayed as a woman. This shit needs to change, and I'm not talking a Hallmark movie script either; real, substantive change. Nuclear family, backbone of society, partnerships, in which both parties better each other. 🥔

[thisfairytalegonebad]

out of the frying pan (apartment hunting) into the fire (moving)

[wayfayrr]

I’LL THROW HANDS WITH ANY OF YOUR EXES THAT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE LESS, YOU ABSOLUTELY ARE LOVABLE, NEVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE MOSS <3

But also had me clutching my phone to my chest with the luck part 😭 you’re so sweet I’m sending so much love through the internet <33

I know I already made a request (which again, take as long as you need, I am more than happy to wait however long <3) but I’m so serious when I say that I need to request something sweet with self aware asexual Sky, specifically him cuddling with reader, just lying his head on their chest as they rest their cheek against his head while like, maybe they play a lil cozy game; Stardew or something- whether they are playing that game together, or Sky is just watching reader while they play, I have no preference, I just need wholesome fluff <333

~🍀 anon

I'm pretty much over it now!! made me feel like shit but eh - I'm so happy to be separate from them now :P they were a real piece of shit ngl but they don't matter anymore!

I couldn't help myself!! what can I say, it was just so tempting to refer to luck in some way - I mean your emoji is a four-leaf clover!!/aff

I did choose to do this request first cause it felt fitting for pride month (I say posting this within the last 10 minutes) but I also realised there's no way to make something noticeably ace without announcing it - so this just comes across more as soft cuddles <3 but I still think it's sweet

[masterlist]

He’s much warmer than I thought he’d be, considering he hasn’t had a pulse, or blood, or a body for very long at all, only about a week as of now. Yet he’s already mostly a natural with it, only needing a gentle reminder every now and then to breathe compared to when he was freshly - fresher out of the game and needed a nudge every couple of minutes to remember. 

It’s perfect for times like this though, just the two of us lying together taking the time to be in each other's presence and it’s hardly surprising that he’s stuck to me like glue knowing what he’s been through. I can’t help but become more enamoured with him through it all as well, while he’s not entirely like how I imagined his character would’ve been like if this kind of thing happened, if anything I’d say… he’s better. Cuddly, soft and sleepy like you’d assume from how he’s shown in-game but also just so, so much sweeter and sassier than he was shown. It’s charming. 

“You forgot to water the pumpkins my dove.”

“I didn’t but thank you for the reminder sweetheart.”

It feels comfortable calling him that now, It wasn’t immediately and he respected that, now I really couldn’t help falling for him. Right now I can feel myself slipping and falling in love with him more and more, he knows what he’s doing I’m sure of it but despite knowing that it’s impossible to stop myself. The smallest things like how he intertwined his fingers around mine while I hold the switch, resting his head on my chest. Even how his hair rustles on my chest with how he’s laying on top of me is downright addictive, driving me deeper and deeper into his spell. 

“[name], [name] love you still haven’t watered the pumpkins.”

“I’m walking over to them, I know you can see our farmer moving.” 

“Mhm, but I know you aren’t focused on the game.”

“How can I be when you’re acting like this?”

“Acting like what love?”

Where do I begin to describe how he’s been acting? That he’s been extra soft tonight? That he’s been even more gentle than usual with how he’s holding my hands and resting on me? That he’s stolen the softest clothes I own to wear right now? That since he’s started washing his hair with my conditioner his hair is so silky and fluffy and good melling that I just want to bury my face in- He knows exactly what I’m struggling to say out loud, his little giggle spelling it out instantly. 

“Acting like your partner?”

“...”

“Acting like your boyfriend?”

“...Wouldn’t any way you act be acting like my boyfriend?”

“I-!”

Never in my life would I have thought something like that would slip from my mouth that easily, making him stop breathing. And for once? It makes me forget to remind him to too.

[ladyluscinia]

Izzy, Bottles, and Apologies

Izzy's arc in S2 has been a wild ride.

The S1 Izzy enjoyers are feeling vindicated as hell, many people are fully revising their opinion of him, and the people still hating him have a new criticism or off the wall theory daily. David Jenkins LOVES Izzy and is having the time of his life trying to make sure everyone else does too. They had Con O'Neill sing in drag!

And naturally I have thoughts.

This is gonna be a two part post, I think. First, as much as people are celebrating Izzy having realized his arc and come into his own - from the singing to the apparent BlackBonnet shipping - there are some threads they could pull on that might reveal more arc to come. And I am really hoping they pull them, so I'm gonna tell you why you should too!

And second, I have some minor points I dislike and concerns that this might be the end of the arc. Which would be disappointing but I think I get why, so I'm gonna discuss that too.

To start...

---

"How are you handling all this so well?"

Here's the thing about S2 Izzy - while I need to be clear his behavior is not OOC or inconsistent with S1, it is happening rather fast. I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with out of universe reasons I'll get into later, but in-universe it stands out. Now, he's hardly the only one operating on an accelerated schedule - the timeline for this season is an insanely fast not-even-two-weeks - but Izzy's defining struggle in S1 was fear of change. That was the cause of his friction with Edward, and what made him an antagonist in the first place.

In S2 he's gone through a lot of trauma, yes, but that fear is noticeably less present than I would expect.

Izzy in 2x06 has been cleaned up from his sobbing mess phase for just over 48 hours and he faces Edward with a joke, and then that night sings a moving French serenade to the crew. The next morning he's teasing them about finally hooking up and spends the day offering both Stede and Edward relationship advice.

He's a newly realized man... shedding repression and embracing who he could be. Accepting his breakup with Edward and trying to openly support the relationship that's better for him.

It's fun!

It's also, potentially, a bit of a flag. Maybe not a red one, not yet, but... pink-ish? A bit orange?

Let's look a little closer at those frayed edges.

---

"Well, you see, I have a system..."

There's an exchange from right at the start of the Pilot episode that has echoed through the entire series so far:

"Bottle it up?" -> "No, Frenchie! No, that's the worst thing you could do!"

Not talking to other people, not addressing your traumas... that's the kind of shit that just builds and builds inside you. When the cork eventually pops, the resulting damage can be a lot. Look at the finale of S1, where all of Stede's bottled up guilt and insecurities laid waste to his relationship with Edward, and then inadvertently became the first domino in the Kraken.

S2 is quick to bring this scene back into the forefront. The first time we see the Breakup Boat crew talking in 2x01, Frenchie reveals that "Bottle it up?" wasn't just a random comment he made, but a philosophy of his:

"Ah - well, you see, I have a system for dealing with all the terrible things I've seen. There's a box, in my mind, and I put the things in the box, I lock the box, and then I don't open it again. Works like a charm."

Apparently, Frenchie is the only one it actually seems to be working for.

Now, the show has been drawing some interesting lines between Frenchie and Izzy. From both serving as Blackbeard's First Mate to being frequently shown as a duo - tormenting Navy guys together on Sunday's raid, Frenchie holding Izzy's hand, Frenchie leaning on Izzy's leg in the cell, Frenchie behind him raising the flag in 2x05 - it's fitting that Izzy echoes Frenchie's preferred coping method. First he frames the non-acknowledgement of harm from Edward as just... part of piracy. He's a pirate, so he's fine with it.

And then we get Izzy's little whittled shark reveal and the conversation with Lucius about his leg:

"I don't know what you're talking about. Shark did this... dangling my legs over the side of the ship. Served me right, too."

Lucius calls him out on the unhealthy behavior, and Izzy concedes his point:

"O-kay, that seems healthy. Using a bit of fiction to help cover up your trauma." -> "Yeah, well... not moving on is worse. Twatty."

And to give him credit, he's right in his advice to Lucius. Filling his sketchbook with pages and pages of Blackbeard trauma is Lucius's form of bottling it up - thinking in endless recursive circles about his tumble off the ship and everything that followed. We already know chasing revenge instead of living is bad - Jim and Spanish Jackie established it last season, and Pete just echoed them. When Izzy advises Lucius to move on, that's what Lucius does.

But what Izzy is doing with the shark? That's not the same thing at all. He's lost a leg, grazed a bullet off his own head, and was snarling drunken accusations at himself in the mirror... he's not moving on from that. He's bottling it up with a nice dose of self-blame.

Cutting the legs off the unicorn for not doing it's job right and saying "served me right" about his fictional shark? There's a real dark knot of emotions there.

(Recall, too, that Edward deflected his hurt from Stede's abandonment into a "fictional character" during his chats with Lucius, and that delayed the explosion but couldn't stop it.)

So... Izzy's definitely coping with trauma in a way the show does not advise and often circles back to. Can we see any signs in 2x06 and 2x07?

---

The Weight of Things Unsaid

At the very start of 2x06, Izzy gets the thing he spent all of 2x05 mentally bracing himself to never hear - an apology from Edward for his leg. He walks up to initiate conversation and begins talking like nothing has changed. Edward is back in his leathers. Appropriate, given that his penance onesie was nothing genuine, just "how long do I have to wear this fucking thing for?" And Izzy is ready for them not to address the obvious hurt, to just smooth over a few jabs and go back to normal... but even Edward's mumbled little "Sorry about your leg" is so significant and difficult he flees as soon as he gets it out, leaving Izzy to sit, incredulous, with the acknowledgement.

It's still almost definitely not enough.

There was so much between them in 2x01 - 2x03. The writers literally did BlackHands love confessions on both sides. An apology from Edward Teach - a man who historically does not apologize - is a huge first step but still only the first step. The real things unsaid are so much bigger than a leg.

We get something else, too... Edward commenting on Izzy's drinking.

"Jesus. Really putting that away, aren't ya?"

Izzy has had booze a lot this season. He lost a leg and pain meds aren't really an option, so not surprising, but notable. Edward, advocating for substance abuse to deal with bad feelings, calls him a lightweight in 2x01. When they are found with the dead seabird in 2x03, Izzy takes a pointed drink from his bottle, and then 2x04 he spends the entire episode completely plastered. He seemingly sobered up for 2x05 - probably to focus on sword training and his whittling project - but now the bottle is back again before Izzy disappears for several hours.

And a little liquid courage might explain his going all in for the Calypso's Birthday performance.

I do appreciate that the performance on it's face is something completely unexpected for Izzy, but when thinking about it... it does make sense.

We already know music and performance were available on Blackbeard's ship even before Stede. Edward learned to play shanties on the piano somewhere, and singing is a common and encouraged part of sailing culture. Izzy's choice of song to perform is something a lot more emotional, but this is probably not his first performance for a crew.

Makeup, too, is in fashion for men and women at this time, and OFMD has shown it as such before. Izzy has never worn fashion makeup, or tried to be beautiful, but the concept wouldn't be alien to him. Wee John's description of a dramatic party look might even have intrigued him specifically because Izzy has actually done "looks" before - of the terrifying "theatre of fear" kind. The Kraken did have his whole crew in makeup for their raids. Taking the opportunity to embody something a bit more vulnerable and try to bring joy to this crew that took care of him is meaningful as fuck.

And it's still a drag performance!

It's a good pair of moments - before and after Ned. Proof that all this isn't just coping method - that's not what I'm arguing here - and even if Izzy's still bottling up a lot of feelings he's not doing the same full pressure bomb thing as he did in S1. There's been growth!

(This is why the flags are only pink-ish / orange-ish right now.)

Episode 2x07 though... I'm not so sure he's doing good as much as pretending it's all good.

Showing up to make his joke in the morning is a fun moment. I especially enjoy Edward's little "fuck off" with no bite to it 🤣🤣🤣 Reminder they do live together on a ship, so this is likely not even close to the first morning-after that Izzy has gotten front row seats to. But, at least to me, there's also a very performative feeling about it. Izzy being very Look how normal I can be about you fucking your boyfriend, Ed - and Edward picks up on it too. That's why he turns to Stede and whispers "He's jealous" as Izzy walks away.

Izzy continues to make jokes and give advice through the day to our main couple, but he's... subdued. I think his fake chill also disguises that he and Edward aren't on the same page about what they discuss at the docks, hence his poor advice to "listen to it" when the "it" in question is Edward's immediate desire to run away from Stede and become a fisherman. They are talking again, but haven't resumed communicating.

I also think it's relevant that Izzy goes to try and support Stede after Edward dumps him, because we're still waiting for Stede to stop bottling things up. He doesn't talk about Badminton or feelings of inadequacy or even the babiest little olive branch to Edward about "hey my dad kinda sucked too." Edward's two exes are sitting in the bar corner together, thinking about all the shit they won't talk to him about until it kills all three of them. Exciting!

The pressure is building. It has to circle back to Stede in S3. I'm hoping at the same time, it circles back to Izzy, too.

Hoping we get to explore some of his anxiety, and his internalizing negative self-image and blame. At the moment, I think Izzy might have less gotten over his anxieties and more just let go of the wheel of his life entirely, and fortunately had people around to steer him in okay directions. It would be really interesting to explore that more.

(Even if I have some concerns they may not.)

---

Subtle as a Cannonball to the Face

Izzy's character arc was always going to be a long journey - not because he was somehow morally worse than everyone else, or required particularly painstaking growth, or even because there was going to be some great need to "hold him accountable" for S1. No, it was going to be a long journey from an antagonist start for the same reason I mentioned earlier: Izzy's core struggle is fear of change.

OFMD opens with two protagonists recklessly pursuing change in ways that harm themselves, their relationships, and others, and a primary onscreen antagonist resisting change in a way that harms himself, his relationships, and others. There's no easy morality here - they all fuck up. And they all require the entire show to actually figure out the correct balance of change and growth and facing the past.

"I think the three of them are on an arc together that's pretty inseparable." - David Jenkins (Source, 9 Oct 2023)

So... why is there a chance that everything I've mentioned above is going absolutely nowhere and Izzy's arc has been wrapped up with a bow in S2?

Well.

It's late March 2022, the fandom's age is still only countable in weeks, I personally haven't even watched the pilot yet, had only even heard of the show 3 days before... and one of David Jenkins first post-finale statements is telling people to pay attention to Izzy's POV and his and Edward's love story on rewatches (Source, 25 Mar 2022), and then soon after comparing Stede to a homewrecker in Edward and Izzy's toxic marriage (Source, 15 Apr 2022). Lots of links because this stuff was available to the fandom from the start.

By the first half of May 2022 (while poor Mr. Jenkins is still anxiously trying to get his series renewed for S2, since the confirmation won't come until June 1) the takes on Izzy have soured a lot. It's not a "homophobic gay" joke anymore. Now it's "Izzy is the embodiment of colonialism who enforces a racist and homophobic ideal of Blackbeard on Edward" and "pretending Izzy could be canonically gay is homophobic" and "Izzy bought Edward as a slave from the British". Harassing anons have already started on tumblr. No first hand experience with Twitter but I've heard horror stories. These takes are spreading like wildfire through the fandom, with a heavy backing of white fans accepting and spreading anything that sounds vaguely racially-conscious as something they just missed in their privilege and need to listen to POC about. Or listen to other white fans that say they've been listening to POC.

The anchor hoist in 1x09 (that was a complete directing coincidence, as the crew confirmed in late May) is being taken as incontrovertible proof that Izzy is a violent racist, and the relatively small Izzy fandom pushing back against any of these reads is being likened to toxic fangirls declaring Kylo Ren a poor widdle victim because they think violent white guys are so hot their brains fall out. This is happening loudly and in the public forums of social media.

Can you imagine being David Jenkins right then?

This is one of your favorite little guys, who you wrote a silly little homoerotic pirate jealousy arc for. He's kinda cringefail and tends to be a dick, but you cast a guy who you think embodies him with so much sympathy and genuine emotion. You're so excited to explore his direct relationship to the main couple of your series even more. Unfortunately, you and a lot of the cast and crew are also engaging maybe a bit too much in fandom spaces, which very few of you have much familiarity with navigating as creators. AND there's still renewal stress!

If I were him, I too would consider that perhaps my intended Izzy arc was a bit too nuanced and drawn out, and maybe I needed to clear up some misconceptions as soon as I got the opportunity.

Enter S2.

MAX reduced the budget for the season significantly and it shows - particularly in the whole thing having to squeeze into 8 episodes - and I wouldn't be surprised at all if worries over a S3 renewal / S3 budget impacted S2 writing as well. Character arcs got pinched, goals had to be prioritized... and from the looks of the season, "make sure everyone knows Izzy is not a homophobic villain tormenting Edward as fast as possible" came out as a big goal.

I mean they open with a dream sequence that literally mocks the idea of a heroic Stede rescuing Edward from the dastardly Izzy. It's not subtle.

And the lack of subtlety is kind of what's concerning me.

Izzy's arc is (I think) leaving enough threads that they can extend it into S3 with the reveal he's not actually fine and done developing, but they also seem to want his S2 arc to end in a place where maybe he is. Lots of giant signs pointing to him and saying "Look! Everyone likes him!" or "Look! He's also gay!" at the expense of some of his cringefail or dickish charm. My guy had anxiety he dealt with poorly in S1, and I do think they are trying to frontload or adjust the arc so he's basically (or at least seemingly) over that before the next hiatus.

The best way I've seen it described is that the show no longer trusts the audience to pick up what they are putting down, and so they feel the need to really hammer it in. Not necessarily OOC, but definitely de-emphasizing any of his rough edges that were originally just written to not be any worse than the other characters.

This is why Izzy gets shot by Edward in the very first episode for a bunch of complicated reasons that are really good character work and not super hard to discern, but then later they have Izzy point out to Stede why he got shot twice. It's all very "look into the camera and say the themes", because to some degree they are afraid everyone is going to get easily convinced Edward shot him for calling him a namby-pamby that one time.

It makes me worried they are too afraid of misinterpretation to commit to the arc they originally conceived of, even with the finish line in sight in S3.

And, again, I get it, Mr. Jenkins. In October 2022 he made a funny quip and a boner joke on a tweet about Edward's blanket fort and the hordes descended to scream victoriously about how he was cutting down the Izzy stans for their racist infantilization crimes of thinking Izzy would *checks notes* help hold up a blanket. It's a very reasonable conclusion that this fandom cannot read and needs to be spoonfed Izzy's arc.

It just sucks that a toxic section of fandom's misinterpretations appear to have undercut a strong - and, honestly, not that complicated - character arc so much that S2's BlackBonnet arc can be about fuck ups and backsliding, but Izzy needs at least the illusion of having no flaws left come hiatus time.

[basedhighsenberg]

I promised y'all a rant about some of my employees the other day- after sitting on it for a few days I decided that it's worth mentioning but also "it is what it is".

I have a really really really good boss, probably one of the better people I've ever worked for. He's a year older than me and not a corporate drone which is nice. But he's also just a really good human and is very understanding when it comes to scheduling and work-life balance, such that if you give him notice about something and, especially if it's family related, he's going to find coverage for you and make it work so you can get time off.

I have three coworkers between the age of 22-24, all three are LDS. Two are girls, one is a guy who is in college. The sociopathy comes into play because all three of them take advantage of my boss SO fucking hard and it's getting to the point that I'm having trouble respecting them as people.

For context- the two girls have essentially abused my bosses good nature and now have "family events" and requests for time off 2-3 times a month for 2-3 days at a time.

Two weeks ago my boss was taking us out for dinner, on his own dime, because we made max sale quota in August. 30 minutes before we're supposed to go to dinner, the two girls were ranting in the store about how they want to make Tik Toks on company time about the "dos and dont's of going to a jewelry store". I tried to give them a heads up about our company policies involving that shit- not that I actually care, but if they plan on trying to monetize their videos and they have the store logo/brand visible, they're going to get sued. They responded by laughing and acting like children saying "who gives a fuck I don't care if I get fired by [company] it doesn't matter".

If it were up to me, I probably would have fired them on the spot for that. But it's not, so I let my boss know that this is how they were acting IMMEDIATELY BEFORE HE TOOK THEM OUT TO DINNER ON HIS DIME and he has yet to confront them about it. I can tell he is extremely hurt by how they were acting but he is trying to pretend like everything is fine.

Onto the guy. The guy in college is supposed to be our 3rd full time manager/keyholder, but since September he has been all "sorry school bye" and now will not work more than 24-26 hours a week, despite promising to make his school schedule work in exchange for us giving him the manager position. He is also now a complete finance bro and it's getting insufferable, most notably because of his endless prattling on about his "prestigious marketing program" at BYU that he will launch into 3-4 times a shift. Moreover, the other week we were discussing an issue in the store over a group chat and he interrupts the conversation, which was a little heated, to bug all of us about taking a survey for him for school. With his complete lack of awareness of all things going on around him, he's non-functional as a manager but refuses to step down because he wants the pay.

We're about to go into the busiest time of year, and my boss is beside himself some days because he's realized that none of these people are reliable employees anymore, inspite of him bending over backwards to try and accommodate them. The girl moving to Florida promised she'd stay through the holidays but I don't see her making it through November. The other girl is very impressionable and would actually be a model employee if not for the first girl, but the longer they're together at work the more likely it is we're gonna lose her too. College boy openly talks about leaving Utah as soon as he graduates so he's a problem with a expiration date.

I do not have the same managerial tact that my boss does, I would be less accommodating and much less forgiving of this behavior. But I am not my boss and don't have the ability to do anything about it- expect show up each day and be polite, but also act like God send me as a punishment to these sociopathic idiots to protect my bosses good nature.

Or, I can clock in, abide, and clock out. We'll see.

[ginnyw-potter-archive]

A recap of 2023

so this is the year I wrote. I wrote more than I have ever done and so I thought it would be nice to look back on 2023 and look a little further back as well.

I used to write fanfic, I think I started about 14 years ago. I am not a native speaker and my English definitely needed some work then. I also have so many qualms about my old writing (I apparently hadn't found out about paragraphs yet), but we all have to start writing somewhere.

I stopped writing little by little, feeling burned out and completely stopped in 2018 (for various reasons). I don't think I wrote anything at all in 2019 or very little. In 2020 I dipped my toes in again with a few oneshots.

End of 2021 is when I started writing again and finally came back to writing Harry Potter fanfic. I started out with a longfic of 70K words! It was a struggle and I think it's like a muscle that wasn't being used. A Guiding Light is the fic that got me back in and I posted it throughout 2022.

And then I started two new fics because I was inspired again. I started posting those at the end of 2022/start of 2023. Knight of Mine and Peverell's Progeny have both surpassed the word count of Guiding Light with ease. It was never my purpose to get to a certain word count, and it is not what I focus on, but going from nearly 0 words in 2020 and slowly increasing, it's amazing to see myself putting out so many words.

And as well this year I focused less on what things I think people want to read and got a little more self-indulgent and it is so rewarding. It really makes me enjoy writing it even more.

My mental health has been shit before and it really took a nose dive in 2018, but this year I finally started feeling like myself again. My anxiety has gotten so much better and in turn I have been sick way less (although I did knock it out of the park at the start of the year with about 5 weeks of various illnesses) so I feel like I can enjoy life more in general. I am not sure if my writing helped me get there or if I am writing more because I am feeling better. All in all, I think writing has been helping me get through various things and it is one of the only things I enjoy doing consistently.

I haven't kept exact track of how much I wrote in the last year but based on my AO3 statistics as they are today (26th of Dec), I think it's safe to say that 2023 has surpassed all the others before.

You can see the majority of what I wrote, 414K of a total 541K, has been posted in the last year. It's crazy to think about. A lot of people found my writing as well this year and it's been so amazing getting that feedback ...as well as crazy paternity guesses with emojis, begging me for horse smut (that is still a no-you know who you are) and bribing me to update early... they really do make my day and some of you are too funny for your own good.

Looking ahead a little, I want to see what else I can achieve in the upcoming year. I am not setting any specific goals for myself other than continuing to work on my ongoing fics and not starting too many new ones (*pushes Pirate AU back under the bed*) Buut I am curious how much writing I actually get up to and so I made myself a little tracker.

Bullet journaling is the only other hobby aside from writing that I seem to be able to do consistently. I just kind of fell out of it in the summer of 2022 and finally picked it back up again for 2024. I think when I wasn't writing, it was a good different outlet for me and I still enjoy it. It simply slipped out of my habits, especially when I moved out on my own last year and I was too focused on keeping up with chores and other stuff. Now I am a little more organised, so I do hope to keep it up. It will also force me to do something else than writing once in a while, which is probably healthy for me.

This tracker looks a little chaotic, I know, but i wanted to get everything on one page. Maybe next year I can tell you exactly how much I wrote.

And word counts are nice but I think improving is also important and I do feel like I have managed to learn a lot of things this year and I will continue to do so in the coming year. I take great inspiration from other people's writing. I always get inspired when I read an especially good fic (which often ends up with me starting a new WIP, send help) and I discover new ways to put in descriptions or how to phrase something a certain way. And talking to other fic writers on here, or discord, is also where I learn a lot. A ton of you are so talented and it is such a joy to be able to discuss things, pick your brains and get feedback. Sometimes I just learn things by reading along to someone else's discussion. Sometimes you find answers to questions you didn't know to ask!

I also want to thank my beta readers, who have read so many words this year. They are so FAST and then apologise for being slow. I cherish them so much.

If you read up to this point, thank you! If you've read a fic of mine this year, thank you as well. If you left me kudos or comments, recced me... you get a little kiss on the forehead.

If you have achievements of your own this year that you are proud of, do share them! (Reblog or send me an ask, I want to hear about it!) Let's celebrate all the work you put in!

[icarus-does-fall]

I FINISHED THE REDACTED FIC <33

It's roughly 5 thousand words

I can write more to it if people like it, it's technically open ended- but yk see how it reads I guess ^_^

I might cry if I wrote the redacted boys wrong but I wrote this in less than a week all during the hours of 10pm-2am so 🤷‍♂️

Story under the cut (no shit)

Ambrosine Oliver Emory- Or Beau to his friends had just moved to Dahlia, he worked for a news network that crossed continents and before he was in Dahlia he had been living in Ireland for the past 6 months. The cherry on top? Beau was a fire elemental, and moving to Dahlia he’d finally be able to meet some other empowered folks, not to say that Ireland didnt have any empowered of their own, they just were a bit more long lived than he was used to, but it was a special sort of sight to be there during Halloween.

He’d just stepped off the aeroplane, the California heat as strong as ever even though it was nearly two in the morning. His hair was dishevelled and pulled back into a messy bun as he walked to collect his bags before making his way to his car that had been shipped ahead of him and had been waiting for days. He already had a small apartment set up for him thanks to work, all which so happened to be on the border of the Shaw pack territory- not that Beau knew this though.

David Shaw, the alpha of the Shaw pack, coincidentally the largest pack in the area. He’d been engaged up until a few years ago when his mate died, they’d been out on their own and a few of Quinns goons had gotten them cornered and caught off guard. They were found too late. It’d been only recently that Asher and Milo had convinced David to start trying the dating scene again, so far it hasn't gone well. That's what you get for leaving your love life in the hands of those two.

Now being the alpha of a pack meant a lot of things. It meant paperwork, meetings, politics, but it also meant being alerted when a new and unnamed empowered moved in too close to the territory and it also meant that he had to make sure that the new empowered wasn't someone insane or a danger to his pack.

.𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤..𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤.

It’d only been a day after Beau had gotten moved in, he looked more put together than he did when getting off of the aeroplane. His hair was pulled back into a braid, he'd thrown on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He'd just barely gotten the chance to get used to the time changes and take a shower when there was a knock on his door.

“Bloody hell- I don't even know anyone here yet and my door is already gettin’ banged on, there's no chance I’ve gone and pissed somebody off yet… Right?”

With a sigh and a slight drag of his feet from the couch to the door he opened it only to be faced with the one and only David Shaw. Now Beau wasn't an idiot, while he might not have known who exactly stood in front of him he knew the man had importance and power just from the aura he radiated.

“Oh- um… hello? How- Who- Can I help you with something… Mister…?”

David's response was blunt and to the point but it carried a husky and low sort of tone. “Shaw. David Shaw, pack alpha. You're the new empowered who's moved close to my territory, I'm here to make sure you're not a threat.”

Beaus' eyes widened a fraction after David's introduction and he laughed sheepishly, he leaned against his door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. “Oh… you're the Dahlia alpha that's nice to know… Do I invite you in, how does this work? I’ve never been uh… vetted before, I’m usually just allowed to live in places.”

David's eyebrow quirked, normally people were scared- or at the very least seemed more intimidated of him than this person was showing. He wasn't small and he had authority, he was… intrigued to say the least. “Just a short chat would suffice for now, no one here knows who you are, that's suspicious when you move in so suddenly, and you're too close to pack territory to simply ignore.”

“Okay then… Come on in I guess? Pardon the mess, I haven't gotten to finish unpacking just yet. My stuff was sent here before I was and a shower and watering my plants seemed to be a higher priority than unboxing dishes.”

He couldn’t stop the soft chuckle this newcomer seemed so scattered about that it reminded him of his friends. As he stepped into the apartment and took in the sight the warning was putting it lightly, the boxes and the mess was everywhere but even so it still left homey. “This isn't a way to live, you know. There's nowhere to walk- Or sit.”

Beau gave David a flat look and huffed slightly. “I said I was working on it, there's no need to get so judgy about it, damn.”

Davd’s lips pursed before he sighed and moved one of the smaller boxes off a chair and sat at the breakfast bar. “Apologies. Now you know who I am, just who are who exactly?”

“Shouldn't you, oh I don't know, know this already? You know I'm empowered but not my name, stalker vibes dude-”

He growled and his eyes narrowed in slight irritation. “I'm not a stalker, I just get updates on the empowered who move into pack territory, that doesn't mean I get your life story though.”

“Sure thing wolfy, as for my life story as you put it, my name's Ambrosine Emory but folks just call me Beau, it's easier, and I work for NPR. The news station so I get sent all over, this was just my next assignment. Nothin’ devious I promise.”

David's eyes narrowed further and he growled lowly, “Don't call me wolfy.”

“Yeah whatever, wolfy. So am I allowed to live in my apartment or are you gonna tell me no? Which I really don't think you can do.”

David's scowl deepened and he huffed. “Shut up- Just don't hurt the pack and yes you can stay. There's no rule against you living where you do, just against causing trouble.”

Beau grinned and laughed, leaning against the breakfast bar with a roll of his eyes as he was propped up on his arms. “Wooowww so graceful~ How ever should I say thank you for letting me stay in my own apartment.”

“You have an attitude, has anyone ever told you that you need to be more respectful sometimes?”

“I can be respectful! When I need to be, but just cause you're some alpha doesn't mean you automatically gain my respect, life doesn't work like that wolfy.”

“Whatever.”

Beau grinned further and tried to muffle his giggles. “Sure sure okay, you can whatever your way out of this one but not everything. Just sayin’... Soooo you sayin’ for coffee or, leaving so I can keep unpacking?”

David huffed and stood from the chair with a slight scowl on his features. “Just shut up and keep your nose clean, we’re gonna be keeping an eye on you alright.”

“Bye wolfy see you ‘round!”

“Fuck off. And stop calling me wolfy damnit.”

.𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤..𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤.

David made his way back towards the pack house with a scowl on his face and the moment he walked through the doors he was immediately bombarded with questions about the new move in from Milo and Asher.

“Hey Davey! Back so soon? You scare off the new kid on the block already/

“Aww man does that mean I don't get to invite them over for game night? Maann I was looking forward to some fresh players.”

“Davids not in control of game night Milo, invite who you want, I wanna know what the new kids like? Anything interesting?”

“Will both of you shut up, please.” David rolled his eyes at the twos excitement and shook his head as he hung up his leather jacket and then walked towards the kitchen for a drink. “The move ins name is Beau, he's a fire elemental. Works for the news network, NRP- but I’m gonna do a little digging on him, something seemed off.”

“Off? Wanna explain any further on that maybe?”

“He didn't seem bothered by me being there, he treated me like just a regular visitor, like I couldn't absolutely destroy him, that's weird isn't it?”

“Oooor hear me out, you're overthinkin’ it and the dude is just a dude who knows he wasn't doing anything wrong? Not everyone is gonna be out to get ya David.”

“Maybe but it's still a possibility and you all are my responsibilities. And after…” David sighed and his grip on his drink tightened as he scowled. “And after Angel died because I failed I have to make sure that doesn't happen again. I can't lose anyone else important to me. It’s not happening”

The room after that got very quiet, very tense, it always did whenever Angel was brought up in that way. It was always easier to just think that them and David had broken up because they weren't around anymore but the truth was ugly and harsh and no one liked to face it.

“Sorry man, you know we didn't mean anything by it. We all miss ‘em you know.”

“I know, I know… I just need a minute, and keep an eye on the newbie alright? I just don't trust him.”

And with that David took his drink and walked off to his room. It was simply an over decorated place to hold a bed, what life and colour it held died away when Angel did, he moved out of his apartment- He had Asher and Sam help get his things, he could barely make it through the door, and then moved back into the back house. No more hosting solstice for him. He let out a guttural growl and slammed the door behind him as he walked into his room. It cracked. And broke the door jam, that was the fourth one in three months.

He sighed and under his breath as he sunk against the door spoke, “Damnit Angel, you fuckin’ perv why’d you have to die on me. We were getting married next spring, we had a plan damnit.”

David leaned his head against the broken door and sighed again before taking a sip of his drink. He could hear the concerned whispers of Milo and Asher on the other side of his door, this wasn't anything new and while David was coping he wasn't always coping healthily which was the problem. He worked till he dropped most nights and he hadn’t let himself cry since the day Angel died, he had people while somehow having no one all at the same time.

He didn't move from that position until the sun began to set, and the boys left after about 15 minutes of lingering after the door was first broken. While they knew their mates would understand if they stayed they also knew that there was nothing either of them could do to help David right now. They weren’t sure there was anyone who would be able to help pull David out of his new found darkness.

.𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤..𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤.

While David was having his mental breakdown, Beau on the other hand was unpacking without a care in the world while jamming out to Metallica- Thank the gods that he didn't have any close by neighbours otherwise he'd be getting noise complaints on his very first day. But hed gotten the majority of his boxes unpacked and his apartment actually looked like a place that could be lived in now and not just a storage unit.

Beaus’ apartment was filled with thrifted goods, fairy lights, tapestries and posters of all sorts, it was warm and cosy, soft to an extent. He even had a few stuffed animals scattered about to act as throw pillows.

By the end of the night he was curled up on his couch, the TV was playing Wall-E and he’d made himself a cuppa tea. “I’d say today was productive, yeah? Got grilled by the alpha of the largest pack in Dahlia and then got my apartment unpacked… mostly… Now to just keep the big bad wolf off my back, that would be fantastic.”

He laughed to himself and took a sip of his tea as Wall-E and Eva danced across his TV screen and then eventually fell asleep just like that, all nestled up sleeping soundly on the couch with Disney classics playing in the background. That was of course until the sun rose the next day, by then he was being awoken by nonstop knocking at his door.

Gods above it wasn't even 9am yet. There wasn't even coffee made.

“Hey newbie! You awake? What’d you do to David last night that broke him when he came home?”

In Beaus' groggy state he simply glared at the door for a moment, grumbling to himself as he stood and shuffled over towards the door. “Fuckin’ cunts- First its the big bad wolfy saying imma blow everybody up, now its wolfys friend at the door to and its too damn early, better have coffee or imma be the problem wolfy fuckin think I am-”

He opened the door and stared at another hulking figure, well everyone was a hulking figure to Beau he wasn't exactly that tall, except this one had scruffy ash blonde hair and piercings galore. “Hey-”

“Nope, nononono, no pleasantries yet, it's too damn early- I just wanted you to stop bangin’ on my door. Here’s how this is gonna work. If you really need to talk, you're gonna wait until I've had my coffee and then we can chat. Hear me?”

Asher nodded, his arms crossed over his chest. Beau was direct and almost a little harsh, he didn't hold back. That was appreciated, he had a feeling that his new move in was gonna be a good addition to their little life. “Yeah yeah I can wait, shoulda brought coffee to streamline the process huh- I’ll remember.”

Beau grumbled and rolled his eyes before walking towards his kitchenette, Asher following closing the door behind him as Beau put on a pot of coffee. As it started to brew he merely leaned against the counter and crossed his arms watching how Asher seemed to take in every part of his apartment.

“Okay I can't do the creepy silence, even if im not totally awake yet- Who are you besides wolfys friend?”

Asher chuckled and raised an eyebrow, “wolfy? And he hasn't gone off on you for callin’ him that? hell i still get shit for callin’ him Davey. Names Asher, friends call me Ash. I'm David's beta in the pack, i've known him his whole life and he came back to the pack house just off last night yaknow? Wanted to see what the two of you could’ve talked bout to see ‘im off like that.”

Beau cracked a smile at that and had to stop himself from laughing. “Wait, wait, wait, you think I broke the big bad wolf? That’s hilarious, I didn't do nothin to the guy, he’s the one who barged in here, insulted my house- apartment- whatever and then threatened me. All I did was ask if he wanted a cuppa coffee.”

“Wait- thats it- You sure?”

“I was there, of course Im fuckin sure”

“Obviously but something happened to cause him to basically shut down, he broke another door last night so.”

“He broke a door? I mean I’ve caught a few things on fire when I've forgotten myself but a door christ I didnt think me moving in was that big of a deal, no one else has ever cared before.”

“Well… We’ve had some problems recently, not just the pack but like off in Dahlia- Rouge vampires and shit, people have died and no one knows you, hell you're moving in from a different country so Davids just being cautious.”

Beau was about to say something when the kettle whistled for his coffee and so he turned his attention from Asher towards the stove top and put together his coffee, pouring in his cream and sugar and basked in the heat of it as he sighed happily before he spoke up again. “So empowered folks have died here? Cause some crazy vamp, and wolfy here thinks I'm somehow involved? I work for a new network- I think the most dangerous thing I’ve done is skydive.”

“David gets protective sometimes, more so after his mate died. He’s been a wreck, he's back to acting just like when his dad died all over again. It's a hard sight to see but he means well, honestly he does.” Asher paused and then grinned and laughed. “Wait wait, you've gone skydiving? Like jumping out of a plane skydiving?”

“Yeah we went for my cousin's birthday some time ago- He’s an air elemental… And well he didn't really wanna go skydiving but his partner and their friends thought it'd be a really cool idea and I was in town that weekend so I got dragged along. Laskos’ a bit of an airhead sometimes but he's really sweet and we don't have the greatest relationship with our families so we tend to stick together like glue.”

“Damn newbie who would've thought you'd be adventurous, you just seem more like a homebody than anything else.”

“I don't know if I should be offended by that or not but uh.. Thanks? Maybe?”

“Sure thing newbie, now since you're living close to pack territory, you planning on meeting any of 'em or just lurking near the edge of the grounds?”

“I could but uh incase you're forgetting there, I am kinda tiny compared to you lot and I'm not a shifter? I play with fire. Not sure how it works down here in Dahlia but most places I've lived the empowereds don't really just mingle unless it's important.”

“Sure for the most part but not really, we all kinda just hang, there's no real separation yaknow? C’mon I’ll introduce ya to your new neighbours newbie.”

.𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤..𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤.

David that morning however looked broken, he always did after a night thinking about Angel. It had been years since their death but by the gods above he wasn't moving on, no he was simply just burying every emotion and breaking things to deal with the emotions he felt. He knew, he knew he needed to talk, he barely was getting over his dad's death and that was thanks to Angel and then they go and get killed- He simply lost it. He was a shell of the, not more open man that Angel made him but he was different around them and he’d lost that spark.

He had bags under his eyes and his usual put together self looked like he was slowly falling apart. He was doing all he could to stay together, to keep everyone together. Groggily he made his way towards the kitchen only to be greeted with the sight of Asher and Beau in his kitchening laughing having a grand old time.

He stood in the doorway and stared for a few moments before sighing and walking into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. “Morning Ash… and others.”

“Hey Davey! I dragged the newbie over, figured he could do with some friends and since he's living close to the pack, thought I could introduce him to some of the folks here. Milo and Sam are swinging by later to hang out too. Same mentioned something ‘bout bringing Porter on by too but that's still up in the air.”

Beau was sitting on one of the kitchen counters and rolled his eyes as David and Asher spoke. “Dramatic little wolves- Are we sure I really need that many friends? That sounds like a lot of people there pretty boy-”

Asher simply grinned and ruffled Beaus' hair with a laugh. That simple action caused a surge of feelings through David and he wasn't sure why. He was blaming it on lack of sleep. “Don't worry about it newbie, they're all great people, and I'm sure everyone will get along great with you.”

David scowled and huffed quietly as he poured his coffee into a mug and then leaned against the counter to face Asher. “And you thought it was a good idea to bring a stranger into the pack house? Do you know the consequences if something goes wrong?”

“Oh chill out the newbie isn't some axe murderer, he's actually pretty chill.”

“Hmpf”

Beau grinned widely and laughed a bit as he changed positions a bit to sit cross legged on the counter he was sitting on. “Hey, maybe I am some crazy axe murderer! Don’t take away all my fun just cause wolfy here doesn't trust me.”

“How many damn times do I have to tell you not to call me Wolfy? My name is David for gods sake you war criminal.”

“Oh for fucks sake, its too early in the day for you to be this pissy isnt it? Don't you know how to relax and have fun?”

“I can have fun when my home isn't possibly being threatened.”

Beau huffed and blew out a stream of smoak from his nose. “I can show you being threatened if you want to be threatened. Dont fuck with me wolfy.”

David snarled and placed down his coffee, taking a step clear to Beau as Asher shifted awkwardly from foot to foot before laughing awkwardly and then began to walk out of the kitchen.

“O-okay, I'm just gonna- go… Have fun? I guess? And here I thought I was gonna introduce the newbie to people today and make friends.”

They both ignored Asher as he left, unbeknownst to them, Asher was pouting as he walked out of the pack house and got onto a call with his mate to complain about the whole being ignored situation, if anyone would listen to him Babe would.

“Aww if the big bad wolf all mad cause I called him out on his bullshit?~”

“You haven't done anything except piss me off so why don't you just stop talking.”

Beau smirked and leaned forward on the counter letting his legs dangle over the edge. “Why don't you come make me shut up wolfy?”

David's eyes narrowed and he took another step closer to Beau and the counter. He was now within a foot of him, his hands placed on either side of Beau on the counter and his voice was a gruff whisper. “I am more than capable of making you shut up you war criminal.”

Beau flushed slightly, and his voice turned breathy, it wouldn't have been noticeable to a normal person, but to a shifter, David caught the change in tone though, it nearly made him smirk but he was still a bit too pissed to pay attention to how he was feeling despite what he was doing. “Prove it then wolfy cause I don't think you got it in you. I think I’d burn you.”

With a growl David closed the space between them, pulling Beau in for a kiss. David's lips were rough compared to the softness of Beaus’ yet together it was a slow yet still heated and almost electric feelling. “I said, shut up.”

The kiss broke away after a few moments and while Beau was blushing, David seemed shocked by his own actions and took a step back before simply walking away, he looked to be in a daze. He walked out to the porch where Asher was sitting, still on the phone talking with Babe.

.𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤..𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤.

David took the open seat next to Asher, his face was pale but now also flushed red as he buried his face into his hands and groaned. “Ash, I think I fucked up.”

“Oh so now you wanna talk to me? I’ll call you back Babe, now Davey here wants to acknowledge my presence. Soooo what did you do?~”

“I kissed him- I didn't mean to either, but I did, we were arguing and I kissed him, and it wasn't a bad kiss either. What about Angel? I-I know they're gone but damnit Ash it feels wrong to move on from them.”

Asher's smug grin slowly faded into a knowing look and he smiled softly as he clasped David on the shoulder. “Oh man… You know it's okay to feel happy and do things again? I mean, I know Milo and I tried to set you up a few times but you just depression scared those people away, this guy those, he has a fire and I think it set something off in you… And we both know that Angel would’ve wanted you to keep living, not stick around to be some stick in the mud for the rest of your life.”

David sighed and looked over towards Asher through the corner of his eye. “Are we sure about this cause I still love Angel, they were my everything and- Christ Ash I kissed him and just walked out on the guy!”

Asher held back a laugh and grinned as he shook his head. “You idiot, you walked out on the guy you just made out with?”

David flushed slightly and huffed. “We didn't make out, it was one kiss, okay? One.”

“Oh with how messed up you are right now I’d say there’s gonna be more than just one singular kiss in your future Davey.”

David scowled and he growled quietly but he was still blushing. He hated to admit it but Asher was right, Angel would’ve preferred he moved on with his life and not stick to the past but their wedding would've been this month, he was a whirlwind of emotions and he could figure out which ones were which. “I hate you Ash.”

“I know Davey, now go talk to the pretty boy that you left in there and talk to him.”

“And if I don’t? Think I’ll fuck up my future chances or think he’ll walk out here to follow me?”

“Oh please, you're a good looking guy David but I don't think that the newbie is that desperate for a piece of your ass.”

David huffed and lightly shaved Asher, holding in a laugh as he rolled his eyes. “Oh fuck off Ash, he kissed me back, you dont just do that if youre not at least somewhat into the other person… Right?”

“I don't know man, you know how me and my mate got together- I kinda just do what they say… Mostly… But just go back in there and talk to him, tell him about all the things, I promise he’s a chill guy- He’ll understand.”

David sighed and his head dropped again before he stood and began to walk back into the house to where he left Beau sitting onto the counter. Beau now however was finishing off David's coffee and raiding the fridge as David walked back into the kitchen, he grinned cheekily. “You do that to every guy you kiss? Just walk off right after?~”

“No- No typically it leads to something else, I just haven't really kissed anyone in a while- It was… unexpected”

Beau grinned teasingly and laughed softly as he closed the fridge door. “Right… Can’t blame you for that, so uh… Why haven't you kissed anyone in so long? You get mono and go comatose for a year?”

“Well… My mate, they died a few years back- I doubt you know much about whats happened in Dalhia but theres a vampire running about named Quinn- some of his goons caught my mate out on their own and next thing any of us knew they were bleeding out in my arms and I stopped kissing people after that.” He laughed nervously and shrugged, “Milo and Ash tried a couple times to get me to date but I scared all their options away.”

Beau paused at that, his smile faded completely and he placed down the stolen mug of coffee. “O-oh… Oh shit- Im sorry, Im not fucking up your grieving process am I? Being a menace and kissing back- I know how tough that stuff is… I could've pulled away if I knew you were going through some things.”

David chuckled softly and placed his hands on Beaus' shoulders. “No it's fine, be a menace- hell Ash said that is what is probably helping me pull me out of my dark and scary place. I walked out cause, I still love my mate but you invoke some type of feelings in me too, I wasn't sure what to do about that.”

“Oh- Alright, sooo do I get another kiss or is this just gonna be an awkward thing till someone bucks up and does something about your dark place?”

“We take it slow, I might feel things but I'm still ‘dark and scary’… But I can spare one more kiss, for now.”

“You're not scary wolfy~”

David growled playfully as he pressed close against Beau, his lips grazing his ear. “Oh shut up you little criminal.”

And as soon as David stopped talking he leaned in for another kiss which Beau quickly responded to.

.𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤. .𝆤࿙࿙࿚๋࿙࿚ ⊱♡⊰ ࿙࿚๋࿙࿚࿚𝆤.

Tags-

@froggytimemachineinternet

@definitelynuwonhere

[undignifiedpopemobile]

my driver hotness rankings

besties and behateds of the jury, this is maybe the most unhinged thing i will ever post but it is my sistine chapel it is my mona lisa. this is to me what citizen kane was to orson welles. i will prove to you today that my driver hotness rankings are objectively correct. i have assembled the evidence i have constructed my argument. (love you ell this one's for you.)

20

nyck (i’m so sorry). look someone has to go last. i am not prejudiced against short kings but it must be acknowledged that in combination with the face he is giving gnome. also i have seen the shirtless pics, and he is more ripped than george for christ’s sake there are so many ridges on his torso. he looks, to steal a phrase from patton oswald, “painful to fuck.” and i don’t have a vibe check on him yet so there is nothing else to compel me (benoit blanc voice) also i am not yet convinced he’s fast, which would increase his standing, because, say it with me, being good at things is hot. check back in after a few races. the thing where they tied him to a wheel rack was funny but not enough.

19

pierre. he’s fooled so many people into thinking he’s attractive with his beard contour and his donald trump ass haircut covering a truly atrocious hairline but there is no force on earth that can cover being a crypto bro. i have known so many and they are, without exception, the worst and more irritating people on the planet. if you own an nft you are not hot. if you TALK about it you are less hot. he has abs or whatever but i honestly think he is too ripped, similar to nyck. and i haven’t even mentioned the fact he’s a pedophile! his narrative used to be compelling to me because he got kicked out of red bull and i love redemption but he is a mid driver and a bitch and christian was right to fire him.

18

lando. this one may be controversial but i’m right and i can prove it: he looks like he’s twelve years old. who am i, pierre? i think the fuck not. admittedly he has nice eyes but he has a very oddly-shaped head. i could snap him like a twig, which looking at my dating history is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it is if he’d whine like a little bitch the whole time. he has never known the touch of a woman and he never will. the vibes are also atrocious: he’s a spoiled brat, and his interests are twitch and golf?????? he might not say racial slurs but he definitely crosses the street if he sees a black man. says he feels “uncomfortable” being around gay men with his shit off. bitch. i must clarify that i don't actually hate him but he has committed the worst crime to me: being a little irritating.

17

checo. people say he looks like tom cruise with a double chin but i just watched top gun and no he fucking does not. he looks more grizzled than fernando but in a haggard way not in a rugged cowboy way and he’s got a dad bod but not in a hot way. and the vibes are fucking off, absolutely swagless. fucking come on he’s had two seasons of getting his ass HANDED to him by max every week. i know it’s hard to be max’s teammate or whatever but i am pointing to him and saying MID. i don’t know anything about him personally except he’s got rich sponsors, he probably cheated on his wife, and he’s a homophobe. however he will move up if he goes full rosberg in 2023 and ruins christian’s life i do not pretend to be unbiased. the thesis of this one is that it is not hot to be boring. but if he becomes interesting i will change my mind.

16

oscar. see lando. he looks like a child! i do not believe he is 21 they are LYING because he's actually 14 and it should be illegal to let him drive. i do not believe he remembers obama’s first election. he’s up higher because i believe he is considerably more attractive than lando he has a sweet honest face i would kiss his little cheeks. but is he hot? ask again in five years. the narrative is also compelling to me because he did said “fuck the french” and that is hot that is HOT, but again, as of yet no vibe check. i see something in his eyes that indicates to me he may win the twink war but until first blood is spilled that is only hypothetical. sorry oscar nothing against you honey.

15

kmag. ok look. maybe i just don’t remember what kmag actually looks like but the picture on the f1 website is not flattering he looks like the stock photo wincing old man. i don’t think he’s unattractive really but i cannot put him above the rest of this list i fear! when he got pole that was really hot but what else is he giving? talking about balls? that wasn’t hot when dan did it and it’s not hot for kmag either. the vibe check should have enough data to produce something but it is coming up empty!!! i just do not know i’m sorry kevin. you do not have the x factor. you are not irritating, but to me, you are boring.

14

estie! you know he was below kmag but today i saw that gifset of him with long hair…. i could fix him (get him a hair stylist) he’s uncomfortably lanky. rat man may be affectionate, but rat man nevertheless. also i played myself by comparing himself to the flushed away rat because now i cannot see him without thinking about that. he’s got a really hot girlfriend which means he’s probably a feminist (will go down on a woman) and i know he doesn’t come from money. both of these things compel me tis true! but they are not enough to overcome the tragic truth that he looks like a cartoon character

13

hulkenberg. look ell i know i said he was conventionally attractive and i stand by that. he IS. but he also looks like a fucking ken doll. he has the GR wax doll disease. he went into the uncanny valley and he fucking founded a city-state there he’s building fucking governance structures and supporting a small private army to defend trade routes. his skin is so like….. tight. uncomfortable. and he is not redeemed by the vibe check. a million fucking races and no podium? and he wasn't only in shit cars! he was supposed to be a world champion coming up through the feeder series and he fell short of his potential. falling short of your potential is narratively compelling, but not in a hot way. i am pressing the big buzzer that says MID. boring.

12

lance. literally forgot about him until i got to number seven and then i was like….. wait a minute wait a fucking minute. he and nando are mirror opposites lance is here purely by virtue of his conventionally attractive little face. i can hear the ghosts of my jewish ancestors telling me to settle down with the nice billionaire jewish boy. but you know what? his voice is fucking irritating as shit and he has the least interesting variety of daddy issues. he’s got no fucking personality and he’s a nepo baby and he’s a mid ass driver and lawrence will not convince me otherwise by holding a gun to nando’s head and making him say shit about how good his stupid little failson is. 

11

NANDOOOOOOO ok i know this one is controversial but i don’t give a shit it’s my list. i know he’s fucking eighty do you think i care? no. i couldn’t give less of a shit what he looks like. all that matters to me is that he wakes up every single day and chooses to be a mischievous little bastard who foments….. something. el plan etc etc. yes he fucking blackmailed mclaren yes he has committed war crimes yes he is a misogynist. what is this twitter? i do not have to be morally correct here. and lest we forget he is in fact a fantastic fucking driver (hot). let the slow dismantling of the stroll dynasty begin. and he has the most important variable in my calculations: he is interesting.

10

guanyu. my problem here is vibe check coming up empty. he’s reasonably good looking, he’s nice, he seems to be in love with val (good taste! see the coffee video) he’s the second most stylish man in the paddock mostly by virtue of the competition being fucking pathetic. he’s a little short but i am not prejudiced against short kings! but personality wise i fear there is not much there although probably this is on me for being a dumb american and not speaking chinese. also he’s like. ungodly rich. like richer than stroll. and the CCP of it all is not beautiful. perhaps most damningly: is he a good driver? i do not know! give him another year, but the jury remains undecided. he is right in the middle but i reserve the right to move him up pending developments

9

logan. you don’t know how much it pains me to put this motherfucker in the top ten. he looks like he was recruited into the us military directly out of high school because he was failing english and knew he couldn’t get into college, but unfortunately he is also objectively very handsome. he’s not higher for obvious reasons (florida. donald trump.) but i cannot put him lower purely off the virtue of his captain america fucking face. fuck him i hope alex makes him cry real tears on track by lapping him in every single race. but he is hot. maybe he'll prove me wrong and he can stay here! but if he brings fucking..... jd vance or whatever as a guest to a gp it's straight to 20 i shit you not.

8

alex. out of all the men on this list alex is probably the one i would most like to date. he’s nice, he’s reasonably charming, he’s a feminist, he’s got the angst of losing that red bull seat without the pierre of it all, he’s got the compelling homoerotic friendship with george but you know what this is not sash’s list of dateable men it is driver hotness and we must acknowledge the fact that he is not particularly good looking! like estie he has a fucking banana nuts hot girlfriend, but facially he is not always giving. he’s cute; he’s not necessarily hot. he’s this high only because i kept bumping him up because i was like “well i can’t put him below fucking LOGAN”. also, while i believe he’s a good driver, is he REALLY good, or just good? beating the shit out of latifi does not convince me of anything! like mick beating the shit out of mazepin it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen.

7

max. ok ell hear me out. right now he is not looking too hot but it's because of the bad haircut and he’s not racing. being good at things, say it with me, is hot and the only thing, the ONLY THING in max’s life is being good at racing. he’s fucking fast. also, he seems like he’s actually kind of a fun guy. when he laughs at his own jokes that is very cute i think. the little eye crinkles. the cheeks. when he’s got his hair grown out a little and a five o’clock shadow going… he can fool me into thinking he’s actually good looking and doesn't a little bit resemble sid the sloth from the ice age movies (sorry. but it's true) and the version of him i have made up in my head and convinced myself is real is extremely fucking compelling!!!! admittedly the kelly dynamic almost knocked him down but it takes two people to make a dynamic and i guarantee you i would not be giving any maternal energy at all. i think i could fix him (introduce him to pegging)

6

yuki. that’s right fuck you. he’s funny as fuck and we could do karaoke together. i would carry him around in my tote bag and he could eat off the children’s menu at restaurants (cost of living is high you save where you can.) he’s giving face and he’s giving body he’s actually so fucking handsome and the reason people are sleeping on how beautiful he is is because of the particularities of anti-asian racism, where “western” people read traditionally east-asian features as unmasculine, and therefore they are either fetishized or dismissed as romantic/sexual partners entirely. well i’m anti-racism bitch! yuki is HOT! also i know he’s not that good at driving or whatever but do you know what’s even hotter than being good at things? not giving a SHIT!!!! yuki is the spiritual successor to kimi raikonnen on this grid i’m fucking right and i’m the only one brave enough to say it. f1 is a hobby for him and he treats the sport exactly as it should be treated (with disdain, like it’s a mild inconvenience or errand on par with vacuuming) maybe this is inconsistent with my "being good at things is hot theory" but you know what? fuck you. it's my list i do what i want. if i contradict myself than i contradict myself

5

george. yeah…… i’m quite frankly a little shocked and upset he’s this high. i know i made this list myself but i’m not keeping track very well in all honesty and i’m about four drinks in. but you know what? i’m not blaming alcohol. this is accurate for my hotness rankings. i’m a bit of a george girl at the moment. every new fact i learn about him makes him more compelling to me. he's the george bit of alex's homoerotic relationship with george! really i only need one story about him to compel me: getting himself into the merc driver program with the power of microsoft powerpoint. he’s the most “he’s just like me fr” driver on the grid for me and i’m a big enough woman to admit that. the version of him i’ve made up inside my head has a personality and you know what? unfortunately for the haters he has proved them all wrong and he’s an excellent fucking driver. i don’t think he’s better than lewis but he stood up to the pressure of that second merc seat fucking fantastically even with his biological father there judging his performance the whole time! and i know he looks a little bit like a robot but it must be admitted! he is attractive! he’s got a great body! idk i’m gaslighting myself i guess it’s my deep-seated american desire to infiltrate the upper classes of england and bring it all down from the inside. but i’m keeping him in spot number five. and fuck anyone who disagrees.

4

valtteri. i mean. other than yuki the closest to kimi we can get on the current grid. lost his merc seat and immediately said “my ass will be fully out for the rest of my life and there is nothing you can do about it” can you imagine the amount of time toto wasted just saying “no valtteri you cannot post hole on instagram”. he’s a feminist he’s an icon! he’s not an outstanding driver but he’s solid! by number of wins currently fourth best cunt on the grid i believe! the mustache! he has alex albon energy in that i would actually date him but i think he’s more attractive. he is the only blond-haired blue-eyed man on the list who does not even a little bit activate the “nazi detector” in my brain which is admittedly a little overactive in the current political climate. i don’t know love isn’t rational. but i love him. i love him, your honor. and you will not convince me otherwise with facts (he's not really objectively all that physically attractive)

3

carlos. look the ferrari boys were pretty close together and ell i know you disagree with me here but ultimately it comes down to one thing i will discuss in the charles ranking and a couple things i will discuss here. yes he’s hot. fucking obviously. it’s barely worth pointing it out he’s outrageously attractive. but as i have said many times hotness is about more than the physical! and the vibe check is mixed. he does have the most compelling flavor of daddy issues (father is loving and supportive but still an unattainable ideal. the closest thing to god on earth for carlos sainz jr is carlos sainz sr and what a terrible legacy that is to bear) but on the other hand golf! and he has a weird and not very sexy voice! and he’s probably violently catholic! and there’s stories about him being kind of a dick to fans! i did not verify either of those things but fuck you this isn't journalism. and, most damningly, i believe that when it comes to driving he is…… FUCKING MID. there i said it. he got lucky his first year with and he’s still in denial about being the second driver to charles leclerc. have you seen the fucking instagram? girl fred vasseur may say he'll let it be decided on track but charles is coming to family dinners in the vasseur household. delusion is not hot unless it’s in a funny way (see: fernando, el plan). and i swear to christ if he messes up even a single race for charles this season because he thinks he’s better i will knock him down to the bottom of his list without remorse.

2

charles. it’s my list fuck you. other than george, charles (the version of him i have made up inside my head) is the most like me on the grid. he is— pause for dramatic effect— fucking COMPELLING. (benoit blanc voice) you know i love a narrative and he’s got a fucking narrative. he plays the piano (hot) he’s got the sexiness of the french language without the lameness of being french (yes i believe monaco is a historical mistake and a geopolitical aberration and should be incorporated into france and all those cunts should pay taxes but objectively monaco is very sexy!!! walt whitman i contain multitudes) and he’s got the catholic guilt of driving for ferrari without the lameness of actual catholicism (looking at you carlos) is he the most interesting bitch in the world? no. but he can hold a conversation, he has more interests than just racing and video games, and he’s much funnier in french, and as these boring ass guys go he’s pretty funny even in english. also, again, takes two to make a dynamic and i am funny enough for any two people on the planet. also, and this must be said, he’s a fucking excellent driver. BEING GOOD AT THINGS IS HOT! AND we have not even mentioned the fact that physically speaking he is what we call a Specimen. he’s got body, he’s got face. i know you don’t think he does ell but with respect you are wrong. he’s got the cheekbones he’s got the nose he’s got the fucking ridiculous shoulder to hip ratio, he’s got the hand porn. he has literal protagonist eye syndrome (they appear to be different colors depending on the lighting) he’s fucking insanely hot.

1

Lewis. I mean it’s just quite literally the only correct answer. he’s giving face, he’s giving body. the tattoos! dan thinks he has cool tattoos but he has pete davidson disease lewis actually has really cool tattoos. but his hotness is literally the least compelling thing about him. he’s multi-talented (music??? so hot) he’s not just a racer, but like, let’s not discount the fact he is the best f1 driver of all time. like i’ve established it’s hot when people are good at things (except golf). he’s not a businessman he’s a business, man. he’s got mad fucking drip. his politics are.............. of mixed quality really but by comparison he's practically bernie sanders. of all the drivers he’s the one i think i could make a socialist if i had a twenty minute conversation with him. i could get him to read marx i could get him to read zizek. not even to mention the compelling fucking narrative of his life. the karting years the brocedes of it all the mclaren civil war he is producing CONTENT. yes he speaks like a motivational poster and the dog account is cringe but the flaws make him human. if he were too perfect he would be less hot. 

this is the judgement of the court

[kitty-baby36]

"Four Turtles & A Baby"

(TMNT BAYVERSE)

🐢 Chapter Three 🐢

Donnie was worried.

He couldn't help it. Thora was so small and sickly...hell, she couldn't have been more than a couple weeks old, and a baby that young hadn't yet developed the proper anti-bodies needed to remain healthy. They lived in a sewer! There were germs and possible contamination everywhere! Mold... mildew...dampness....

He didnt think it would hurt anything when he secretly put the mutagen synthesized from his own blood in her bottle (one of the brand new sterile ones that Leo had procured from a nearby store, along with several other baby necessities, because duh) in the hopes of making her stronger. It was only two drops. And he'd checked his calculations no less than a dozen times; there wasn't enough to severely alter her genetic sequence.

However....

The next morning, he was woken by Leonardo’s voice bellowing out: "What the fuck?!"

When Donnie emerged from his room, brain still fuzzy from sleep, his brothers and Splinter were standing around the oversized laundry basket that served as temporary crib. He moved closer to see what was going on. Oh dear...

Thora sat upright in the basket, looking up at them with wide, innocent eyes. But this was not the same pale, sickly newborn they had found last night. The child that looked up at them now was bigger. She had seemingly aged a whole year overnight!

"What the literal fuck?" Leo repeated. Immediately he rounded on Michaelangelo. "What did you do? What was in that bottle?"

Mikey held his hands up in surrender. "Dudes, don't blame me! It was just powdered milk, I swear!"

Now Raphael was getting annoyed, and he also rounded on the youngest brother. "Bro, I swear on all that is sacred in the universe, if you did something...."

"It's not his fault!" Donnie shouted, gaining their attention. "It's mine! I put mutagen in the formula after Mikey fixed it."

"You did WHAT???" Raphael growled, immediately scooping Thora up and away from his brother in purple.

"You gave her mutagen?!" Leo asked, dumbfounded.

"It was only a couple drops! She was sick and we live in a sewer and there are so many bacteria down here that could hurt her and I wanted her to be stronger and healthier and I triple checked the formula to make sure it wouldn't cause any abnormal side effects...."

"Going from a newborn to a toddler in less than 24 hours counts as abnormal, Donnie!"

"She seems fine to me," Mikey said, absentmindedly poking Thora's tummy until Raphael swatted his hand away.

Splinter stepped in. He placed a hand on Donnie's arm. "Your intentions were well-placed, my son," he said softly, "but dangerous nonetheless. We cannot guarantee that the mutagen would have effected her human DNA the same as it does for us."

"I'll check her again," Donnie said. "Just to be sure."

After a quick scan determines she is 100% healthy and okay, Donnie is made to swear he will NEVER experiment on her again.

(except for the time he puts a micro tracker chip under her skin so they can find her in the event she goes missing...but they don't talk about that)

It was a bit of an adjustment, but Thora seemed to be doing much better, and eventually Raphael's temper faded, and Donnie was allowed (at most) within arm's reach of the little girl. She was hungrier now and went through four bottles of milk mixed with the rice powder stuff before stopping. Mikey was beyond ecstatic, and he kept talking to her and trying to play with her.

"Pookie! Do you want to play with the blocks? Or how about the dolly? Want to watch some wrestling? Want me to read you a story?"

"Bro!" Raphael snapped at him from his place on the couch, "give her some space, alright? Geezus...you're going to give her a complex or something!"

But Thora giggled in delight, and Mikey ignored his brother's reprimand, a huge smile on his face.

"She likes me!" he exclaimed. "I'm gonna be the best big brother ever!"

"You ain't teaching her any of your shit habits!"

Mikey quickly put his hands over Thora's ears. "Dude, don't use that kind of language around Pookie!"

Thora giggled again, blowing spit bubbles and grabbing at Mikey’s hands. Raphael groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Michelangelo," Splinter called from the kitchen. "Perhaps you can take a reprieve from playtime and come help me in the kitchen?"

"Awwwww," Mikey whined, but he pressed a kiss to her head and hopped up to help his sensei.

No sooner had he disappeared, then Thora began to whimper, her little fists balled up beside her.

Raphael, ever the concerned mother-hen, hoisted himself off the couch and knelt down beside her with a gentle smile. “Hey now, dollface, no need to get upset. I'll play with you until Mikey gets back." He scooped up a handful of blocks and began stacking them, hoping to cheer her up. But Thora merely glanced at the colorful items, whimpered again, and promptly turned her attention elsewhere.

Leo was practicing with his katana several feet away, doing a little flip and spin; striking a pose here and there that made his muscles flex. Thora's bright blue eyes landed on him, and she cooed. Raphael felt a ping of jealousy but shrugged it off.

"Hey, Fearless!" he called to his brother. "Better not mess up. You're being observed." He picked Thora up and placed her in his lap, both of them watching the leader in blue.

Leonardo rolled his eyes but couldn’t help a grin. “Nice try, Raph, but a good ninja doesn't let himself get distracted.”

Thora watched attentively, her interest piqued. Raphael picked up one of the blocks and turned it over in his hand, his brain hatching a sinister idea.

"Watch this, princess," he whispered to the little girl before chucking the large green block at Leonardo.

It hit him on the nose, causing him to lose his balance and crash to the floor. The oldest turtle jumped up and was about to scold, but Thora erupted into laughter, her cheeks flushed with joy. That laugh immediately melted Leo's anger.

“See? Funny blue head go boom,” Raphael said, grinning as if he had just won a championship.

Leonardo sighed, realizing he wasnt going to be able to finish practicing. Instead, he put his katana away and joined Thora in the floor. He made a silly face at her and roared like a dinosaur; his efforts were met with giggles from Thora, who was now thoroughly entertained. She reached out her tiny hands and splayed them across Leo's face, and you best believe that man's heart melted into a puddle of goo!

"Hello to you too, sweetheart," he told her.

"What happened to you saying ninjas don't get distracted?" Raphael asked, raising a brow.

Leo didn't take his eyes off Thora, now happily gumming one of his fingers. "Eh...I needed a break anyway."

Raphael chuckled, shaking his head. If this little girl could get Leonardo of all people to slack off from his responsibilities, then they were all doomed.

💠

[didhewinkback]

Reread something old (again oops) and can't find the birthday boy blurb, the link gets me out of the app and if I search directly on your blog it doesn't appear. Anyway, was YN the first call Harry made to announce the big 1D break? How did she get along with the boys when she was on tour during the summers? Would she hang out with Gemma too when both of them were in London getting closer over their shared love of Harry/missing him?

omg thank u for rereading !! the link is still working for me ? so idk whats happening with that. i'll tag it as birthday boy also so hopefully it appears then ! ill answer your questions after the jump to not clog the dash however one thing i need to say here and now is that mc and gemma have been family friends since they were kids and their friendship and lives do not revolve around harry pls enjoy my LONG answers to ur questions below:

1d break: they had been having a lot of late night phone calls across the pond about the state of the band since zayn left / talked about it in person whenever he was home and she was on break from uni, so she knew he was making moves and things were on the horizon and he was feeling so overworked, tired and creatively stuck, in need of something new. when it was officially officially announced, he gave his family the heads up first and then let her know with a "looks like we're both graduating this year" text and she went to their london show and obvi she was at the last show in that act my age conga

the boys: she wouldn't be at the tours for more than 2 weeks at most during the summer, and usually was with gemma or johnny hanging out with them or members of the crew. she got along with all of them quite well, they were very familiar with her and comfortable around her but got along best with niall, he'd join them on some late night adventures sometimes, always up for a laugh. there was one year she flew over by herself & harry was poorly one night but he refused to let her stay in with him, so she and niall hit up the bars together even though neither of them were legally allowed to drink in the us yet, sending selfies to harry with every new drink they had much to his annoyance. they don't really keep in touch anymore apart from the occasional instagram story reply, but he did make a point to message her after he and harry hung out 2 years ago saying he was buzzing that they were finally together and he hopes he can see her soon

gemma: she and gemma have been family friends since they were neighbors when she was 6, though she was always closer to harry obviously, she and gemma grew closer as they got older and the gap between their ages felt much less significant than it had at 11 and 15. they both went to uni in london and would meet up every few months to catch up. their lives and friendship don't revolve around harry though he comes up in conversation, but they're never hanging out because he's not there and they've got nothing better to do. she was quite nervous to see gemma for their first solo hang since the wedding, harry really wanted to come with but she knew she had to do this bit on her own. it was several months after the wedding was called off, just after christmas time when they told their families they were together and she was bloody nervous about it, prepared to get reamed only for gemma to hug her the second she saw her saying "i always, always wanted it to be you" before doing the classic styles smirk, "i just figured you two stubborn bozos would never get your shit together." and now gemma is very much in the loop with the engagement, she's harrys right hand woman, but she's the best secret keeper in the family and you haven't a clue

[ophelia-jones]

THORNS pt 9

*(graphic violence. Some sexual content)*

Lacey had been left to her own devices for the first two weeks, but she bore no illusions about the fact that she was being watched.  She knew every set of eyes was on her, wondering about what had happened, waiting for her to turn out to be a traitor or to run again. Some were envious because, as she well knew, others in their group had died for far less grievous offenses.

Her belongings had been left in her room, just the way they had been when Simon stole her away in the middle of the night. She was still angry he had managed it - she was not usually so easily defeated. She could have sworn she locked her door and she was not a heavy sleeper. More than once she had wondered if she had been drugged and if Simon had acted alone. She was still hopeful that she might get those answers; and if someone else had been involved, was she still in danger?

She hadn't slept well since returning, her slumber plagued with nightmares. Most were terrifying, but that wasn't new - she had suffered these sorts of dreams most of her life, they had just become more frequent. It was the sorrowful ones which troubled her most. Memories of people she had lost, losses she feared were yet to come. 

She couldn't take being locked up here anymore, if she didn't get outside the fence she was going to lose her shit, and she knew her position was precarious enough in this place without some dramatic display of emotions.

So she put on her combat boots and jeans, which didn't fit quite anymore, but she managed to zip them under the bulge of her belly instead of over it, then she chose her biggest black t-shirt and a flannel shirt that used to be too big.  She braided her hair and pinned it up, wrapped a red handkerchief over it and finally strapped on the belt and holster for her pistol. She was more than a little surprised to see it was still in the bedside drawer where she'd left it, but she was grateful for it.

Her knife was there, too. It wasn't a hunting knife - she had hoped to get her hands on one of those for ages, but it was hard to come by enough of those for everyone who wanted one. This was a sleek, slender double sided tactical knife that was perfect for hand to hand attacks. It was an up close and personal weapon, meant to slit throats or slide between ribs. It was the only thing she had kept with her since the outbreak happened.

It had been a gift from a regular at the bar, a few years ago. An ex marine who had witnessed Lacey take the worst beating of her life, still to this day. It was where she'd acquired at least some of the scars she had now covered with her rose tattoos.

He'd also taught her a great deal about ha d to hand combat, both defensive and offensive maneuvers.

She thought about Jackson fairly often, still. Wondering what had happened to him during the outbreak. He suffered from PTSD and had been in a me tal health facility at the time, so she didn't hold out much hope. Hospitals and jails had been devastated almost immediately.

She sheathed the blade and clipped it to her belt and then went to find Negan.

"There's my rosie." He greeted her with a grin from where he was seated in his war room, cleaning Lucille. 

"I need to get out of here." She told him in lieu of a greeting. 

He had his feet up on the table and he arched an eyebrow in her direction at this. He stopped working the blood and brain matter out from under the barbed wire and sat Lucille gently across his lap.

"I don't think thats the best idea you've ever had, dumplin'." He said, his face growing more serious.

"You don't understand me. I NEED to get out of this God damned building. I can't take it anymore." She pressed, moving around to the corner of the table nearest his seat and resting her curvaceous rump against the table.

Negan's eyes slid down her back and admired the view for a moment before he raised them again to see the urgency in her fierce green eyes.

"What did you have in mind?" He asked, licking his lower lip from one side to the other with the tip of his tongue as he pondered the request. 

"Anything." She chuckled. "I can go forage, there are plenty of things growing right now that could be useful. Or if you have anything planned, I could join you." She told him hopefully.

"Ahh…I don't know about that." He shook his head and reached a hand out to stroke her belly, but she slapped it away with a hit that stung his hand. He scowled at her and shook the hand to ease the sting. 

"I can do anything now I did before. I can't stand to sit around and be useless." She told him determinedly. 

"There's plenty around here that needs to be done." He countered, sitting back in his seat again, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"I swear to God, Negan if you try and put me in the kitchen I will make sure you shit yourself to death." Lacey told him hotly. Negan threw his head back and bellowed with laughter. This was his favorite thing about Lacey. 

"OK, ok." He held his hands up in a sign of surrender. "We're going to Hilltop to collect their tributes shortly. You can come, but you are going to hang back with the vehicles." 

"Oh, come on. I'll be with you, you'll protect me." Lacey teased, relieved that she was going out for awhile. Negan waved a finger in her face playfully, leaning in until his eyes were inches from her own.  For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.

Her breath caught in her chest, and he smiled as if he knew exactly the way he'd made her heart jump. She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to move her gaze away from his mouth. 

"You're gonna be a good girl for daddy today, ok?" He whispered, those bedroom eyes washing over her face and making her flush hot. He grinned and slapped her on the ass with a loud smack before strutting toward the door. He whistled and gestured with two fingers for her to follow him, never looking back to see if she would. Because he knew damn well she would. 

Negan climbed behind the wheel of the same pickup they had taken from Alexandria, only this time it was just the two of them. There was a tape deck in the dashboard and when Negan turned it on it turned out to be John Lee Hooker's greatest hits. 'Boom boom boom boom' played in the background as they started the convoy toward the small community built around an old mansion on a hill. Lacey had been there twice before, and felt comfortable that this was a milk run; Gregory was not exactly the type to put up any resistance.

"You remember when you made me put that dent in the hood?" Negan asked, watching Lacey from the corner of his eye. She remembered, of course. 

"No." She told him, only the slightest hint of amusement sneaking into her voice. She could see that he was weighing her up to figure out if she was putting him on. She couldn't quite hold her straight face and found her cheeks aching with the effort of holding back a smile. She told herself her amusement at his consternation was the source of the smile, and not the memory itself of the day Negan had tested her limits with a dare and she had played along with him rather than backing down. 

She remembered everything perfectly well, right down to the sound of his belts unbuckling and the zipper of his fly. She remembered the feeling of his leather jacket against her cheek and the way one hand grasped her hair while the other white knuckled on the steering wheel. She remembered the way he called her a naughty minx in that deep, throaty whisper you could hear his pleasure in. She remembered the taste of his cock and how as he got close to climax his eyes must've closed because he caught the corner of the truck against a mailbox on the side of the road. 

She also remembered the way he'd kept his eyes on her every second from the time they had gotten back to Sanctuary until he was able to pull her into the war room and bend her over the table to rail her until her cervix was bruised. She tried not to think about it, though, because the sudden heat between her legs was disturbing. That had been before she'd seen the Polaroids of people with their heads split open by Lucille. Before she'd seen the full scope of what he was capable of - and willing to do. He grinned at the sight of her trying not to smile, the way she shifted in her seat at the memory. 

"Huh. Well maybe that was someone else." He teased in response.

"Probably Simon." She quipped and as soon as Negan began laughing, doubling over until he was nearly pressed against the steering wheel, laughing until he was breathless, she couldn't help but laugh too.  It was almost easy to forget the raging, terrifying side of him when he was like this. 

"What the shit is going on here?" He said, his eyes narrowing as they came upon two giant trees in the road. "They think they can keep us out?" He said, the darkness in his voice and eyes making Lacey's stomach knot.

Suddenly there was the repeated crack of automatic gunfire, and the lead vehicle in the convoy braked hard enough to skid sideways and roll into the ditch. Negan steered the truck off the main road and into the field, the others behind him following suit.

"Get behind the truck!" He ordered her, and as she did he tossed her one of the two shotguns he had stowed behind the seats. 

They could see a group of men, crouched low and scurrying toward the rolled truck to maintain cover but close the distance. There were about 20 of them and now only 10 saviors. Negan had gotten too comfortable in the routine and she could see the rage in his face as he radioed back to the outpost for more saviors.

"These your 'peaceful' friends?" He asked Lacey bitterly. 

"I don't think so. Haven't seen anyone familiar yet." She replied honestly. He looked doubtful but seemed satisfied that she spoke honestly. 

"Stay here, behind that tire, you hear me?" He ordered her as he stood and fired over the hood. She heard the sound of a body hitting the ground and the shouts of their attackers. She didn't like hiding, but for the moment she decided to stay in place. She kept a close eye on what was happening on this side of their cover. Behind them and to their right was open field, but to the left was a corpse of trees which would provide cover from which they could be approached unseen. 

"Who the fuck are these jokers?" Negan shouted to the Dwight in the closest vehicle. Dwight shook his head, indicating he didn't recognize them either.

They wore bandanas around their lower faces like bank robbers in an old movie. They clean didn't know who they had just ambushed, either. 

Negan stood to return fire again and Lacey saw two men appear from the woods. As Negan stopped to reload.

"Duck!" She called to him, and he squatted just in time as Lacey stood and delivered a fatal blast into the chest of the nearest attacker. Negan came back up, hands clutched firmly around Lucille and caught the second attacker on the run - the mans jaw shifted to the side of his head, all the bones and tendons broken and tirn; his mandible held on barely by skin and muscle. 

"Ho-lee shit darlin'." He turned to smile at Lacey in gratitude. "You see that shit?" He laughed as he finished reloading behind the cover of the truck. He looked over at where the man lay, gurgling and trying to cry out in pain. He managed to roll over and begin to crawl back toward the woods. Negan reached out and grabbed the man by the ankles with both hands.

"He is still trying to survive. What do you think you are gonna do with your face all fucked up like that? You can't talk, you can't eat. Shit, you won't even be a threat as a walker! You are broken, my man. Completely fucked!" Negan told the wounded man gleefully. Lacey saw the suffering in the strangers eyes and withdrew her pistol, putting an end to his torture with a perfectly placed bullet between the eyes.

"Spoil sport." Negan told her.

"Like you said, he was no good for anything. Let's get one who can answer some questions." She replied soberly. 

"Well look at you using that pretty little head of yours." He smiled before standing to survey the situation.The other saviors had the remaining shooters on their knees. 

"Is that everyone?" Negan boomed in his most intimidating voice as he strode quickly toward them. Lacey followed shortly behind. There were five men left, and they were on their knees with their hands behind their heads. Some of them were bleeding from bullet wounds of varying severity. 

"That's it boss." Dwight replied. Negan began pacing back and forth in front of them, his silence almost more intimidating than any words he could speak. Almost.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" He asked them, kneeling in front of the balding middle aged man whom all of the survivors eyes kept turning towards. It wasn't hard to identify the leader.  When the man didn't immediately reply, Negan yanked down the mask hiding his lower face and bellowed at him. "You will answer me when I ask you a question!" 

"They call me Jonesy. These are my ramblers." He replied weakly. Negan chuckled and moved to each of the others and exposed their faces, some of them barely old enough to grow stubble. 

"Ramblers!" Negan declared with great amusement. "You hear that fellas? Like that old Allman brothers song." He stood over Jonesy and pointed the bloodied bat at his face. "I hate that song." He growled, the smile vanishing from his face as if he had removed a mask of humanity to reveal the monster underneath.

"Do you know who you just tried to ambush?" He asked, looking at the men for any sign of recognition. There was fear, but not nearly enough for Negans taste. It was clear they had no idea the gravity of what they had just done. Jonesy finally shook his head, when he realized the slender man in the leather jacket was waiting for an answer.

"Where are you all coming from?" Negan asked. "You have a place to rest your heads at night, I assume?"

"We don't stay anywhere - we've been. On the move for months now." Jonesy told him grudgingly. Negan didn't like the petulant tone in the man's voice. 

"You are rather well armed for a group of nomads. You sure that's your final answer?" He said, rising from his squatting position and tightening his leather gloves, Lucille clutched between his thighs by the handle. 

Jonesy's only response was to glare up at negan, squinting because the sun was behind the man with the bat. Negan chuckled softly and looked around at the saviors with amusement. Then with no warning whatsoever Negan swung Lucille with all the force in his body and split the head of the young man seated next to Jonesy wide open. He fell forward with barely a sound.

"Never even knew what hit him!" Negan declared gleefully as the other ramblers reacted in shock, fear and anger. Negan pointed Lucille at the youngest of them as he tried to rise and lunge for him.

"Sit down!" He commanded as Dwight placed his hands on the boys shoulders to hold him down. 

"Allow me to introduce myself." Negan continued, pacing up and down the line of survivors as he addressed them.

The body of the man Lacey had shot in the gut earlier began to move  and groan. Lacey quickly withdrew her knife and drove it into the walkers eye before the creature found his feet.  Negan beamed at her proudly. 

"I'm Negan." He said, turning back to the ramblers and giving him his spiel about joining the saviors and how people were a resource and he didn't want to kill them yada yada. Lacey had heard it all before. She was keeping an eye on the road and the woods for any signs of others.

"Now. Are you ready to tell me where you're really from?" Negan inquired of Jonesy. He bent at the waist to look the man in the eye, Lucille clutched in his right hand and dripping with gore. 

"I'm telling you the truth! We don't have a place, all of our supplies are in a van two miles up the road!" Jonesy told him, desperate to get out if this situation. 

Some of the saviors who had come in response to Negan's sos on the radio were currently working on clearing the roadblock of trees the would be highwaymen had fallen. One of them had located the chainsaw they had used and was cutting the trees into smaller parts that were easier to move.

"Well, I'll start with that chainsaw, and then we'll just see what else you have to offer." Negan said. "If you want to join the winning team, boys, here's your last chance. Who's with me? Rise and declare your loyalty or forever hold your peace."  Two of the youngest men stood and agreed, and Negan nodded in acknowledgement. 

"Gentlemen, welcome to the saviors. I'll have Randy and the others take you back to sanctuary and get you acclimated." They young men were pale and clearly shaken, and Lacey was glad they had agreed. She hadn't wanted to see them suffer. 

"Now." Negan said to the remaining men. "One last chance to tell us where you're settled. You know own, if you don't you'll die for nothing because those boys are gonna tell us every fucking secret down to the last gory detail." 

Jonesy spat in Negans face.

It was like a hush fell over the group and every eye was on them in anticipation. Even the chainsaw was silenced. Negan grinned and adjusted his grip before letting her fly and bashing the mans head in repeatedly. The man beside Jonesy fell on his face with his hands over his head, sobbing. Negan stopped to take a deep breath and before he could take aim on the last man, Lacey withdrew her pistol and fired I to the back of his head, putting him out of his misery. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Negan demanded, and Lacey did her best to act unbothered by his temper. She kept her jaw thrust out defiantly and put on the facade of sheer boredom.

"It's getting late. Or did you want to let Hilltop skip on their tributes today?" She said, holstering her pistol. At first Negan looked like he might decide she was more trouble than she was worth, but then his face split into a wide grin and he leaned back, as he did when he was feeling larger than life. He looked down his nose at her, his eyebrows lifting in melodramatic surprise. "Look at the size of the balls this lady has on her, boys. She's going to put every damn one of you to shame and probably steal your women to boot." He laughed. After a brief but intense silence, he gestured with two fingers in the air.

"Wrap it up here. Randy take these four and the new recruits back to Sanctuary. Dwight, round up everyone else. We're going to see about this van full of supplies and head for hilltop." 

Lacey followed Negan back to the truck and climbed in, trying to hide the way she trembled. Negan, his face striped with blood spatter grinned over at her. 

"You want in on the fun next time, darlin' remember to ask daddy first." He told her, his dark eyes almost black despite the smile on his lips.

When they found the van, the saviors took stick of the supplies inside it and the makeshift camp set up around it.

"Well I guess ol' Jonesy was telling the truth!" Was all Negan had to say about it as the saviors loaded anything of use in the camp into the van and elected someone to drive it with the rest of the convoy.

As they approached Hilltop, Negan turned the music off and brought the truck down to a slow roll before the large wooden walls which protected the community from wandering walkers and would-be marauders. 'Except for us' she thought, the Saviors were not would-be - they were the real deal. Full on pirates, mafia style gangsters shaking other communities down under threat of death and suffering. 

She had enjoyed the power at first. It had felt like she was getting back at those who had always had more than herself; the people who saw her as less than because of her worn clothing or because of her profession. 

But empathy had soon overcome the ultimately unsatisfying feeling of being the one in charge of others. She knew the helplessness and frustration of the people who they were shaking down. She knew what it was to live in fear and grief, and she didn't want to be the cause of that anymore. 

But now she was here, doing what Negan wanted because she was back in survival mode. It was an all too familiar state of existence, and she resigned herself to the fact that it was perhaps just the destined path for her life.

Negan scowled at her and leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

"Do not test me in front of the others." He warned, but then he sighed. "One of these days I will break you to my will."

Gregory was at the door to the mansion to greet them, his politicians smile as fake as she'd ever seen. He opened his arms wise to them as if greeting long lost loved ones. Lacey wanted to gag.

"Well, to what do we owe the honor of a visit from you, Negan? I was expecting Simon." He said, trying to seem jovial and excited but unable to keep the tremor out of his voice when he saw the blood spatter on his face and jacket. Lacey was not free from the gore, either, she realized.  She reached a hand up to find her cheek sticky with someone's congealed blood. 

"There has been a slight change in the chain of command. Simon will be permanently on perimeter duty." Negan replied with one of his wolfish smiles. 

"Well, come in."  Gregory told them. As they entered the building she could feel a great many eyes on them. More than were obvious, she suspected. There were more people upstairs and down the hallways peeking out from behind doors or listening with their ears pressed up against them. Gregory poured three tumblers of scotch and offered each of them one before Negan put his hand out in front of Lacey.

"Now, Gregory, can't you see that Lacey is in no condition to imbibe?" He said, Gregory's eyes widening as he recognized his faux pas. The irony of her being denied a drink but allowed to participate in a bloodbath was not lost on her. Gregory apologized profusely. 

"You will need to learn a thing or two about working with a woman, Gregory." Negan told him sipping his scotch and grinning madly. "Lacey here is my new right hand man, er, woman. Lady?" He looked at her quizzically as he considered a good title. "Queen?" He suggested playfully. "Well, she's my second in command now, whatever you want to call it." 

Lacey's jaw dropped despite her best efforts to remain unaffected by Negan's insanity. 

"Surprise!" Negan told her, bending at the knees and leaning back, his arms spread wide. "Well, what do you say?" He asked, as if expecting a celebration from her or some big show of gratitude. 

"I gotta pee." She replied, fatigue evident in her voice. Gregory stammered but graciously directed her to a bathroom at the top of the stairs. 

"She's too modest." Negan laughed, wrapping a bloodied arm around Gregory's shoulders and marring his suit jacket. "Let's talk business shall we? Man to man." 

Lacey watched as they disappeared into Gregory's office, then made her way up the stairs. She had barely finished pulling her pants back up from using the toilet when the doorknob rattled and the door opened despite the lock on the handle.  A taller woman with dark eyes and a hard set mouth stood there with a pistol pointed at Lacey. Lacey put her hands up to show she wasn't looking for a shootout. 

"You must be Maggie." Lacey said as gently as she could manage, not wanting to antagonize the grieving widow. 

"Get on your knees." Maggie ordered hotly, and Lacey knew she didn't dare hesitate. She did as she was told.

"I understand why you want me dead." Lacey said softly. "I can't blame you, but it won't be the justice you're looking for. He doesn't love me." 

Maggie blinked a few times in hesitation her snarl fading slightly. Suddenly, a large hand grasped Maggie's shoulder firmly.

"Maggie. Don't." Lacey heard Daryls gruff voice, and tears sprung to her eyes.

Maggie hesitated for a moment and Lacey was almost certain she was going to pull the trigger. She might well have done so, if the situations were reversed. 

Thankfully, she lowered the gun slightly and stepped inside the bathroom to allow Daryl to step in and close the door behind them. In one of his arms, he held a sleeping baby of maybe six or eight months, his dark haired head resting on Daryl's shoulder. 

Lacey managed not to sob at the sight of him, her heart overwhelmed with a million emotions, but she could not stop a few tears from spilling down her cheeks. She didn't dare speak. She couldn't read Daryl's stony face, but she held her gaze on his steel blue eyes. If she were about to die, she wanted them to be the last thing she saw.

"What are you doing?" Maggie asked Daryl. She was scowling at both of them now.

"She's not the one to take it out on." He said simply.

"She's pregnant with his child! She comes in here, covered in someone's blood and he announces she is his second in command. Seems like she is exactly the one to take it out on to hurt him most!" She hissed at her friend.

"Yeah, well she ain't. And if you start shooting this place is going to be a war zone. You going to put Herschel in the middle of that?" 

Maggie reluctantly lowered the pistol.

"She ain't going to say a word about this." Daryl told Maggie and Lacey nodded her agreement.

Maggie, who had been through hell with Daryl fighting at her side could not deny the fact that he was one of the most trusted people in her life. She clearly did not like the situation, but grudgingly accepted his opinion. 

"Now take Herschel and get back where no one else will see you." He said, handing the sleeping baby back to his mother. Maggie scowled at Lacey once more before doing what Daryl had asked. He shut the door behind her and as soon as it was just the two of them, Lacey felt the full weight of everything that had happened that day hit her. Her legs were weak and she lowered herself to sit on the edge of the bathtub.

"I miss you." She told him with a sad smile. Daryl scoffed and looked away with a shake of his head.

"Was any of it real?" Daryl asked, his voice gravelly and intense as always. 

Lacey felt her heart turn icy.  She thought carefully before she spoke. 

"I get the feeling you've already made your mind up." She replied, heartbroken. 

"Whose blood is this?" He asked, looking at the dirty washcloth from having washed her face.

"Some group of men that called themselves the ramblers. They tried to ambush us on the way here." She told him shakily. 

"I'm guessing that didn't go so well for them." He said, and Lacey shook her head. 

"I don't know why he said that about making me his second. It came out of nowhere." She informed him, wanting him to know.

"It don't matter." He told her in his gruff manner. "You better get back down there before he comes looking." He said. 

"What the hell is taking you so long?" They heard Negan coming up the stairs, and Lacey directed Daryl to hide behind the curtain in the bath before opening the door. Negan stood there, hand reaching for the doorknob.

"I was just washing the blood off." She explained. 

"You look beautiful." Negan replied with a roll of his eyes. "We need to move out to get back before dark." 

"Let's get going then." She agreed, eager to get him away from Daryl, Maggie and all the others here at hilltop just trying to make a decent life. 

[racke7]

Okay. So I think I figured out how this happened.

I made a Free-Trial account.

I installed a neat plugin that let me transfer settings to new characters.

When I bought the game, I had to make a new account (for reasons).

Upon starting the game, I had the same dalamud-settings as before, and so also the same plugins.

Since this meant that my settings transferred, I assumed that the plugin had told the game that I wanted it "like that".

In actuality, the plugin likely stored the setting in its own file-system.

When this plugin wasn't active, the game immediately reverted back to "default".

In order to prevent this from happening with future patches, and to make the game at all playable, I realized that I'd need to make all of those changes regardless of if dalamud comes back online tomorrow or next week.

So I sat down and did all of the crafters, and the gatherers, and PLD+DRK+SCH+AST+DRG+NIN+MCH+BLM+SMN.

And then I also did everything in PVP. (Which was easier, since there are a lot less skills to move around, but still very annoying.)

From this work, a few things became clear to me:

DRG has like... no skills. (And that's not necessarily a bad thing.)

NIN has about ten more skills than it needs to. Holy shit.

MCH always feels like playing piano, but there aren't actually that many skills. You just have to press a lot of buttons very quickly.

BRD is... weirdly insistent on me wasting a lot of time on putting DoTs on everything.

SMN is all about pressing the same button and having fifteen different things happen.

SCH has way too many fucking skills and also no fucking emergency-heals. (No wonder it stresses me out so much)

PLD has some weird dmg-skills later on, but most of its actual tank-skills are about protecting others instead of surviving nukes, which makes it awkward to design a "this button does the same thing across multiple jobs"-system around it (because nobody else fucking does it like that).

AST is genuinely really easy to understand, it just requires four different hotbars. But you probably won't use most of those skills anyway so it's fiiiine. Probably.

On a vaguely related note to MCH. Either I'm very good at playing it (unlikely) or there's something very weird happening with damage-aggro, because MCH is a ranged-DPS (and so is supposed to lose in singular-dmg-output to basically any melee-DPS), and yet I'm consistently seeing myself as "nr 2" on aggro.

Is MCH just bullshit-good at DPS? Does something very strange happen to MCH compared to other classes around lvl 50? Am I only managing to "stay nr 2" because I glance at it mid massive-combo? Am I actually a god amongst mortals?

On a different amusing note, it's actually possible to do some things with combat-macros.

For example, BRD has two skills tied to two "unlockable" skills, and you always want to use those unlockable skills if you can. So you just design a macro like:

/ac "Straight Shot" /ac "Heavy Shot"

and it will just... work. It can only use one of these skills because of how the macro-system works in-game, meaning that it picks "the first one" that it's able to use. So you put the unlockable skill highest, and presto, one button for two actions.

BRD is however something of a blatant outlier in this, but a while back I sat down to experiment and... there are a few other things.

You remember those "dmg mitigation"-skills that tanks are riddled with? Well, excluding a few specifically unique ones, you can just put them in a macro that will do the same thing.

And because the macro can only pick one skill to use? It will pick the first one that's off cooldown. So you just set up the longest cooldown highest, and you're good to go.

(I didn't end up actually doing this, because I don't entirely trust it. In no small part because I want to be able to easily see the cooldowns.)

I ended up also trying to see if I could use this to make an insta-rez macro, where I just double-click on it to first activate the Swiftcast and then (because that puts it on cooldown) activate the rez. But this proved... weirdly inconsistent? Dunno why. Except maybe I'm very fast at double-clicking, and the macro couldn't keep up?

So. For some fucking reason, all of my hotbars and hotkeys and macros and HUD-layout?

They're saved on dalamud somehow.

Base game? Pure default. All of it.

[thatoneidiotdts]

Sleeping (+morning routine) headcanons for some genshin boys

A/n: hello ladies and gentlemen I'm happy to announce that I may be back now that my life has decided to stop throwing endless shit at me. Now I also write for genshin so feel free to send asks in my inbox!!

Warnings: nightmares for xiao, favoritism in diluc's part, purposeful misspelling and slander in C*ilde's part,overall tooth rotting fluff

Zhong li

Sleeps like a rock (pun intended)

This man will not wake up unless there is an emergency

No matter how much noise you make or whatever is going on around him he'll stay there laying in bed completely silent

His breathing is so quiet you think he's dead half the time if not for his endless sleep talking

And you can actually have full on conversations with him while he's asleep

Also he sleeps in a solider position which leaves you to cling on him like a koala on a big ass tree

Sleeps in really soft bamboo pyjamas that you bought for him

Zhong li will only wake up at exactly 7:30 am no matter if it's a week day or a weekend/ his day off

He also doesn't stay in bed for more than 10 minutes unless as stated before its his day off and you aren't awake yet

The man will stay there taking in the sunshine rays from the window as he's looking at your peaceful face

After an hour or two hell rub your back and gently wake you up with forehead kisses while softly calling your name

When you finally wake up you usually start with the morning hygiene and whatnot

Also he will ask you if you want to take a morning bath together but absolutely respects you decision if you won't and you don't need to even give him a reason you declined in the first place but will make sure you know he loves you no matter what

After that he will sit down with you and drink tea and have breakfast with you for the next two hours

It's the only reason he wakes up so early

T̵̻̦̥͌͝e̸̟̗̮̮͌a̷̙͕͉̿̍͝

After that he goes to do his usual shift at the wangsheng funeral parlor

Venti

Menace to society

He either sleeps sprawled out in a starfish position with his arm and leg over your body or in a fetal position with his face buried in your breasts/chest

He usually sleeps in your clothes or in his everyday clothes

His little snores are super cute tho

Venti's snoring isn't super loud, it's actually really quiet but still there

Since he's a bard he stays at the Angel's share until it closes which is usually very late into the night so he sleeps until like 2pm

He isn't a heavy sleeper so you usually accidentally wake him up if you have some errands to run early in the morning

Venti will cling to you and pretend that he's asleep so that you can stay in bed with him

After like 20 minutes of this he finally let's you go and makes you promise him that you'll be back quickly

When you returned to your shared house from doing commissions you found him still sleeping in the bed so you quietly took a shower and snuggled in with him for another hour or two

After he finally wakes up for real this time he has breakfast lunch with you and goes off to Angel's share but not before giving you a thousand kisses

Kaeya

He's sleep schedule is ON POINT

He always gets back from Angel's share at exactly 1:00am, showers, eats and does his skin care routine and gets in bed around 1:30am

He also wakes up at exactly 9am but stays in bed until ten

He trashes through the night, he also talks in his sleep but it really weird and it's mostly things that are in English but you can't understand them at all

Kaeya is also a blanket snatcher and will snatch your blanket if you aren't holding it tightly

I feel like he also sleeps with socks on but has a few special pairs of socks that have some cute patterns that he would rather be caught working with the fatui by his own brother than wear them outside once

Also sleeps in silk pyjamas, doesn't care if the cotton ones are easier to breathe through, he likes the feeling of silk on his skin

Kaeya loves his personal space and he doesn't like to be touched while he sleeps but makes up for it when he's awake but still in bed

The only exception is when it's cold outside, I headcannon he's naturally cold and he doesn't like it at all

His morning routine is 90% of him taking care of his face and showering

His skincare routine is also more expensive than some people's houses so don't touch his products plz

Kaeya will gladly teach you the basics of skin care and will buy you your own products that thinks will suit your skin better

He's also almost late to work every day so every day you see him put on his shoes calmly, take in a deep breath and then he kisses you goodbye and runs off like a mad man in order to get to the headquarters on time

Diluc

He has so much unprocessed trauma I would be surprised is sleep schedule is anything but a mess

Diluc doesn't sleep a lot, he would have a normal sleep schedule but since he has a lot of stuff to do all the time it stops him from sleeping property

Not only does he work as a bartender at Angel's share when Charles can't he also works as the Mondstat's one and only Dark Night Hero

He usually comes home around 4 or 5 am and will only sleep until like 8 and you will have to force him to have a nap in the afternoon

Also he sleeps in his everyday clothing and he's sometimes too tired to even take his coat off

Diluc sleeps on his stomach which causes him to have back and neck problems but it's the only way he can actually fall asleep

He's a really light sleeper which also adds up to his sleeping problem

Also he snores loudly, like really loudly, and he only snores at night for some weird reason

You discovered that because one day you accidentally woke up at like 6 am and you couldn't fall back asleep because of his loud snoring but you didn't dare to move since you knew how little rest he gets

He's not a morning person at all, if he didn't hate alcohol, he would be the person that chugs half a bottle of vodka in the morning just to keep him awake

Diluc usually starts his morning off with some personal hygiene and then starts doing the endless paperwork without even having breakfast or anything to drink

So out will have to force him to eat and drink so that he doesn't pass out from work

On the rare days he doesn't have any work to do he usually sleeps them off to make up for the time he didn't sleep

Albedo

Chalk boy over here also has a terrible sleep schedule

He's not really forcing himself to stay up but rather doesn't realize how late it is

You will have to pull him out of his work in order for him to go to sleep

Albedo has a special pair of pyjamas that he wears when he's sleeping and he only wears them because for his last birthday Klee has given him a pair of pyjamas that were originally grey but she hand painted them herself with the help of Jean and Lisa and he's been sleeping in them ever since

And when i say every day I mean every day

But don't worry he hand washes them every two days and takes special care of them in order to not wash of the fabric paint

His snores are also really quiet and quite cute, I recommend commenting on that if you wanna see him blush ^-^

Albedo usually sleeps on his stomach but unlike Diluc he is small enough to not crush you under his weight so he usually sleeps with his head on your stomach or buried in your neck

Pease touch his hair he melts when you do

Albedo can sleep for a looonng time if you don't wake him up so he relies on you to wake him up or else he'll spend the next 16 hours in bed sleeping without a care in the wold

When he wake up he does his usual morning routine, which is usually a quick shower, breakfast, brushing his teeth and his hair out, and then goes off to work

He will absolutely make you have a nap with him in the afternoon or whenever he feels tired

Xiao

He doesn't sleep much, hell I don't this man sleeps at all sometimes

Adepti don't really require sleep or food like normal humans do

It took a lot of time for him to trust you enough to sleep besides him

Xiao doesn't feel safe while sleeping at all, he also fears that his karmic dept might take affect on you so he keeps his distance for quite some time

For the first month or two he would wear his normal every day clothes but then you gift him a cute plain green onesie and at first he straight up refused to put 'that thing' on but he gave in and hasn't sleep in anything else since

At first he would be the big spoon so that he can protect you from any harm but when you spooned him for the first time he felt so safe and warm he never wanted to let go of that feeling ever again

After that he would ask you under his breath if you could spoon him more often, you barely understood what he was saying but perfectly understood what he wanted and needed.

He also regularly has nightmares which causes him to trash around and maybe whack you in the face once or twice but you're quick to calm him down

Xiao never really realized that he was hurting you until he gently hugged you and you winced because he accidentally touched the small mark he left the previous night after having another nightmare

Doesn't touch you or sleep with you for a week after that, he already hurt you enough but you don't really care so you coaxed him into sleeping with you again very easily since he missed your warmth a lot

He doesn't really have a morning routine but he does wake up every morning before you so that he can teleport to the Huaguang Stone Forest to pick some Qingxin flowers for you

He's also gets back into your arms right before you wake up so that it seems like he never left in the first place

But you always notice the new fresh bouquet of the beautiful white flower on your desk and thank him for it

T*rtaglia

Listen here ok I'mma be real with y'all

Turbulence sleeps exactly one hour less than normal people but makes it seem like he gets like 2 hours of sleep per night

"Ugh I didn't sleep last night at all😩😏" Like bro stfu

He also makes jokes about sleeping so little because he was with you last night or that he was training so hard or doing a mountain of paper work

While you know damn well he was with you entire night sleeping like a baby right by your side

He sleeps naked solely so that one day when a hypothetical intruder gets into your home he can scare them off by yelling at them while being completely naked 💀

But he will put a pair of pyjamas on if you're uncomfortable

He mostly sleeps on his side because he needs to hold something while he's sleeping, if you aren't with him that night he will hug your pillow and sleep like that

Tagliatelle also doesn't like to sleep when in a cold room so he will have one of those water bottles that people use for back pain and will put one in the pillow he's holding and two in the blanket itself

He's totally a morning person and has no problem with getting out of the bed in less than like 10 minutes unless you ask him not to

If he has a day off he won't sleep in that much but he will curl up beside you and 'accidentally' place his head on your boobs/chest

Y'all saying Terrorism is the caring older brother? WRONG he's the forgotten middle child. we ofc know about Tonia, Anthon and Teucer but he also has two older brothers and at least one older sister

I feel like he's the middle child that had to take all the responsibilities when the older three/four moved out

So yeah he can make a damn fine breakfast for you without skipping a beat

But don't let me even start on his personal hygiene

Like shower are fine ok and he baths once a week only because he can but like

I know damn well his back teeth are ROTTING

He only uses mouthwash and brushes the front and bottom part of the teeth so that they look presentable meanwhile his back teeth got their souls sucked out

Moving on from that Tellurium can't really spend the whole morning with you so he will have to leave you late in the morning.

Coffee? :>

[nsk96]

So, everyone, I'll be away for a while. Just thought I'd let you all know before someone thinks I've disappeared hehe :3

The upperclassmen and a professor at my school has warned our class that this semester is going to be extremely difficult. After the brutal exam I had today, I realize that I will have to drastically cut back on my social media use, almost like going on hiatus.

What happened, was that yesterday was a critical period where I was supposed to study the majority of the material for today's exam and instead, I spent most of the day glued to social media (and getting snacks🤡). I took a step back and wondered why on some days it's so easy for me to spend less than 5 minutes on social media, while most days it's impossible to pull away. I noticed it's because when I'm stressed and/or depressed, I get sucked into the endless scrolling. Like, it just feeds on that shit.

Since this semester is going to be nothing but a stressful and depressing mess for me, I will have to stay away as much as I can. That means no scrolling through Tumblr, Reddit, nor Instagram. I'll still visit to finish up my fan fic, Spicy Water, and try to clear out my drafts. I still got 931 left 💀. There are some of you whose fan fics (and fan fic suggestions) I have yet to read, and I intend on doing that during this period since reading is one way to maintain my sanity in the absence of social media.

But just know that I love and appreciate you all and you will be on my mind during this period. Feel free to message me any time, though my response time may be a little slow. You’re always welcome in my inbox (I’m also on Discord if you prefer: nsk#9480). Stay safe, stay hydrated, stay awesome 💙💙💙 @uncontrol-freak @kg-clark-inthedark @starsharks @rottenheartedchild @rurifangirl @a-chaotic-dumbass @anonymousgeekhere @deephumanoidduckdonut @spoopy-fish-writes @kikicocobell @koisheep and anyone I may be forgetting at the moment😭

As many of you already know, there's a lot going on in my life (personal rant. Skip this next part. I got too carried away but don't feel like deleting anything right now):

A cluttered home (because moving into a smaller home where my bedroom storage is cut in half and I now have to store things in my room that I'm not supposed to store in my room, but have to because my mom and I fear they'll be tampered with)

Living in a constant state of paranoia and fear with a narcissistic dad

Living with a mom who always has to remind me of things I don't want to be reminded of at the most inconvenient times (past issues, new issues, constant issues, and some things just too TMI that got me thinking like, "yeah, I didn't need to hear that before breakfast. Thanks. Now I've started my day on a depressing/or mildly disgusted note")

My mom's health not doing so great

My own health not doing so great (both mental and physical)

Falling behind on class lectures

Those two girls on my team who love to cause trouble for me on group projects

Overload of homework

Pharmacy rotation that takes up a whole day out of my week and drains the life out of me

Wanting to write fan fictions and my novels but not having the time or health to...so now it feels like my soul is dying. I don't know how else to describe it. When I can't write or even daydream the stories I want to write, I feel like I'm withering away.

And to be honest, the debilitating loneliness I feel. Wanting to love and be loved (romantically) and not having the time nor mental health to handle it. And the guy I'm interested in, seems so far away. Like, I want to get to know him better but he's on my team and it's all 'business' and he probably wants nothing to do with me after our team mentor had to call a meeting about our team's toxic dynamics (the meeting was called because me and another girl told our mentor about the toxic crap those two girls were doing). He seemed irritated and after the meeting didn't really talk to me directly much. Maybe I'm overthinking it. That's a big problem with me: I don't talk enough to people, I just stand there and think too much. And just...none of the guys I'm interested in ever seem interested in me. After my last breakup, it feels like the magic of finding out that your crush has a crush on you too, ended for me in 2019. Then there was this one guy my school friend introduced me to. He literally looked me up and down with a scowl or something. I don't know if it was the way I was dressed or what (I know some people hate anything that even remotely resembles khaki pants). Or it could be that I was taller than him (considering that I'm now finding out that a lot of guys are uncomfortable with their height😥). To put it into context, I'm 5'3" (160cm). I want to think it's my overall appearance but my appearance hasn't changed much in the past few years. Let me not get too much into that before my people-pleasing tendencies resurface.

Honestly, there’s just a lot of negative feelings and thoughts coming to my mind. I wish I could live on my own just for a little while until I have myself figured out. Unfortunately I can’t afford it. Balancing a job and pharmacy school isn’t doable for me because I need all the study time I can get. Just want to grow as a person but I feel so stifled living with my parents. I can’t even be out past 7pm apparently? My mom freaks out and wants to call the cops if I don’t reply to her texts within like 10 minutes. Considering her background and the crazy shit happening in the U.S., I understand but geez, give me some breathing room. I don’t know what changed…it wasn’t this bad when I was in undergrad. It was bad just not this bad. And this from the lady telling me I need to start thinking about dating and look around. How am I supposed to go out with a guy if you expect me to text you every 30 minutes now??? I was out with a female friend last weekend and my mom was freaking out so much. Texting, calling, and she even drove up to where we were when I didn’t answer her call. I don’t know what to do. My first step right now would be to get in contact with a therapist and look for apartments so that I can make a plan. Then look into financial resources. Hopefully I can do all that without my dad finding out. I feel like if I can get us away from him, she’ll feel so much better.

[bonnymori]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐲

Word count: 2760+ (i'll try to keep bigger lengths such as this one!)

Synopsis: You meet a new classmate who's working along Nanami, you think he's fun to be around, it stands the same to him about you. Later, feelings unravel.

Contents/Warnings: (1) Itadori Yuuji x gn!reader (2) FLUFF, TONS OF FLUFF - and some comfort (3) With the small participation of... Ino Takuma!! I really like him too, that's why <33333 (4) This is pretty platonic, but also not? (5) Ending turned sorta cliché... but I liked it u.u

A/N: This boy made me run rampant... to fhe point it's not single attraction anymore I just wish him happiness (smh if only my parents knew...) also next post will be Toji's fic pt. 2! Y'all see the first part is almost reaching 100 kudos????? I'M SO HAPPY EHSODJWKDKSJD- thanks for all the new followers and the support!! <33

Ever since his fake death, Itadori has been training alone with the help of Gojo - and now, he works along a freshly new face, who belongs to a senior, founds out ex-salaryman named Nanami Kento. He's far a thousand times more strict than Gojo. Itadori doesn't really likes the change, because Nanami is a person he can't get along. This whole guy's appearance scream "work 4 life"; he has proved different, now he screams "work is shit - but I gotta do it because others won't".

They've just finished cleansing the outside of a movie theater off a few curses, when Itadori hears shouting from far behind them. Two figures approach, waving excessively. He quickly picks on Nanami's tired sigh beside him.

"Nanami! We figured out you'd be here! Our mission has been finished and we wanted to catch up to have lunch together!" A male clad in a full black outfit shouts, he has brown hair and a beanie on top of his head, looking quite content.

The other person simply trots next to him in silence, approaching with a friendly smile. They notice Itadori faster than the male, smile widening and quickly waving hello, suddenly eager to reach up to them. The gesture makes the pink haired boy perk up, curious to why the other person looked so joyful. His question is easily answered, when they tug on the man's sleeve and motion to him.

"Ino, we have a third buddy!" The dude looks at him with widened eyes. "So nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N! It's great to see new faces around!"

Itadori smiles at your energy, knowing already he would click with you very well.

"I'm Ino Takuma, sorry for not noticing you before! Your uniform looks cool." Itadori exchanges a few compliments with Ino, before the man turns to talk with Nanami, leaving him and you together.

"Yes! I'm Sukuna's vessel, Itadori Yuuji-desu! My type of woman is Jenn-"

You turn to him. "So, are you a first year?"

"Geh? Weren't you dead though?!"

"I was!- I am!- Please keep secret."

"Okay!"

"Ahem." Nanami coughs, drawing attention. "I requested you two to not come after me today. Itadori here is the reason why."

"That's no problem, we're very capable of keeping secrets." You threw your arm over Itadori's shoulder, him nodding along with you.

"Oh really, then remember to keep quiet about it. I'll let this slide." The group of students nervously at Nanami's intimidating tone. "But, I'll get to have my break alone."

"Gah!" Ino exclaimed, watching Nanami walk away; he also left the responsability of taking care of Itadori for you two, leaving without a word. "It really had to be today, when Nanami would take us to his favorite bakery..."

"Crybaby." You teased. "Itadori here can't go outside where anyone can see him, he's dead. So, we were to order food either way because he shouldn't be left out."

"Augh okay, it would be unfair."

"So, where are you staying Itadori?"

"At Gojo's state!"

"Whoa, I've never been there before." Ino commented, waiting as you sent a message to Ijichi to pick them up.

"He's my teacher, a very cool one!"

"I imagine! Ooookay, once we get there I'll get the food."

Itadori felt as his chest would burst of excitement, finally there was people around him again, he couldn't be less happy about it.

"Sharing is caring!"

Itadori laughed as you wrestled with Takuma for some fries, netflix long forgotten in the background, as watching the banter was way more entertaining. Most of the time, Ino rambled a lot about Nanami, while he rambled a lot about Gojo. The guy even showed him the cool scar under his beanie. He felt kinda upset after explaining the exchange was just temporary, his stay under Nanami's wing wasn't decisive, and therefore, he was more like a classmate than a partner.

Itadori also learned a lot about you. He was surprised to find out that you, although energetic, was the one to speak the lesser in conversations. His surprisement grew even bigger when you told him you're a exchange student from Kyoto, arriving Tokyo about the same month as him - thankfully, you were to say for good.

Conversations flowed easily in the air, until a voice from the doorway barged in.

"Yuuji-kun! Don't forget about your lessons! Hi kids! Bye kids!" Gojo said playfully, throwing the familiar punching bear to Itadori before leaving.

"What's this thing?" Ino asked.

"It's to help me control my cursed energy. So while I watch the movies, if I don't charge it with cursed energy it punches me square in the face. I thought I had mastered this thing already, but he insist I keep training with it." Itadori grumbles.

"At least it's cute." You commented, taking a sip of your drink.

"Until it punches you in your face without warning!" The pink haired boy barks.

The talks died down, the three of you eating quietly when another movie is played on the screen. Itadori didn't bother reading the title, it was a plain one about a zombie apocalypse that got him extremely bored, yet he kept watching still so the plushie didn't punch him in the face again; he's been keeping a record since all his last cursed energy training lessons were a sucess to this day. When his head started nodding and eyelids dropping Itadori can't remember well, about fourty five minutes of movie perhaps? Make it fifty, the second slumber took over his body completely.

When he awoke once again, it was near midnight, the clock on the wall told him so. He also noticed a soft and warm surface supporting his head, figures, it's your shoulder he's resting into, he feels an arm around his own shoulders and your cheek placed upon his hair.

"Hey, it's late." You immediately notices he's awake, calling out softly. "You should sleep on your room, or something, better to your spine."

He chuckles when you poke his side. "But I'm comfortable here."

"I'm surprised, you just met me today, and now is sleeping on my shoulder."

"I'm not, that happens often to me."

"Sleeping on people's shoulders?"

"No! Making friends quickly." Itadori likes your gentle warmth, your hug, everything makes him feel at home. "I met two more people before you for two weeks, but they can't see me, because I'm dead."

"So I'll keep you company, that's my new mission."

His eyes widen at that, a oh so little blush covering the tip of his ears.

"For how many time I slept anyway?" He asks.

"About two- no, three hours. You missed two movies, and this one is about to end."

"And you stayed here the whole time?" He motions to your shoulder.

"Yep. That reminds me I gotta pee."

Itadori grumbles, but quickly lifts himself off you, respecting your needs. That gives him some time to look around, he notices Ino is gone, and the plushie sits quietly at the other side of the couch, unmoving.

"Y/N! How did you manage to make it quiet down?" He's beyond bafflet.

"...que."

"What!"

"I said!" You arrive quickly at the doorframe, hands still wet from when you washed them. "I used my innate technique."

"Oh! How is it like?"

"It's kinda funny, gimme a moment." You left to wipe off your hands, coming back in a second. "So, just like Shoko, I produce reverse curse energy, but it's quite different than hers, I can't heal people. That's why we often call it positive energy instead. I can use it to soothe off negative energy, so the bear has no cursed energy right now."

"How does it works on people?" He felt very curious about everything, asking away like a kid.

"Since everyone has negative energy, it just makes you sleepy really. But when it comes to curses it's really practical, I can either weaken it or, if the curse is like grade three or four, I can slap them off existence completely by wiping all their energy." You were naturally proud of having a such versatile power, your own energy swirling with pride around you.

"That sounds amazing! Is it why I fell asleep though?"

"Nah, only if I did it on purpose. I guess you were just tired, hope you don't mind I decided to let you rest today."

"No way, it was a good nap."

You nodded. "By the way, Ino left to attend to a drinking party, he paid for our food."

"Drinking? Is he old?"

"Yeah, he's twenty." You chuckled, already expecting that kind of reaction.

"No way! He looks young just like us!"

"That's totally my reaction after I learned he's twenty!"

After that day, you started visiting Itadori weekly to daily, after exchanging numbers he made a little group with you and Ino, naming it the "Nanami trio". But really, he exchanges more texts with you in private, be them memes, cool images he wish to share, etcetera. Although, Ino wasn't left excluded, he ofter brough his xbox to connect to Itadori's tv room and you all would spend hours playing together; he just didn't spend much time with both of you as much. And that was okay.

For a few days, your connection with Itadori died down when he didn't reply to your texts. They would remain unread for some time, the longest being half a day, until he would spam apologies then move on with the topic. That became a routine until one day when you came over to check on Itadori unnanounced, needin to ease off your worries about the boy, only to find him sobbing in the middle of a hallway, staring ahead and beyond, his back to you.

"Ita-?"

"Egh!" Startled, he scrambled to wipe his eyes, turning to you. "H-hey, um, hi."

"What happened?"

"I- he-" His eyes didn't met yours, knuckles white in a death grip. You notice he has a few bandages thrown over his face and arms. The way his shoulders are drawn, as if he wants to shrink into himself is something you've experienced before.

"Something hard to talk about?"

He nods almost immediately, head still facing down.

"It's alright, come with me." You reach for his hands, grimacing slightly when his forceful grip is now on your hand, yet you don't comment on it. He follows you through the state wordlessly.

You two stop on the same tv room, sitting down on the couch. You then guide his head to your shoulder, gently massaging his scalp with the free hand.

"It's alright."

Those two words are chanted like a prayer for the next half hour, at some point, Itadori twisted his body towards yours and unknowingly caged you between him and the sofa arm. He embraced you with a force you didn't have in you, like he didn't want to lose one another. Painful or not, not a muscle moved on your body. He needed a shoulder to cry on.

Thirty minutes passed like seconds, you peered down only to find the boy confortably napping against your bosom; at some point you just became the cold side of the pillow to him. That's alright. It brings you joy to be the mom friend anyways. So you decided to join the sleepland aswell, arms still secured around his shoulders and the back of his head.

It feels like the nap hasn't been long, though, because you can feel Itadori's grip loosening and therefore, you're awake.

"Sorry if I broke any bones, in advance."

"Wow, and you only warn me now."

He laughs at your comeback, hands still secured around your waist.

"I'm surprised you let me uh, cuddle you for comfort - and sleep. I don't understand it? You just make me sleepy." He rambled, keeping eye contact with you while his head still rests on your chest.

"That's a piece of cake when you have younger siblings who seek for you every night they get a nightmare."

"Does that mean I can come to you again if I have a nightmare?" There it is, his togepi-kirby cutesy face.

"Are you four?"

"That's mean!" Itadori blushed, squeezing you on his arms. "I like the contact. It puts me at ease."

"Mm, do you want to talk about it?"

He gulped. "No, not really."

Your peach haired friend remained silent, and so did you. It seems he doesn't intend in letting you go soon, or he just really forgot to mention it. It gives them time to think, your younger sisted used to do that sometimes, back in Kyoto.

"Y/N, wanna watch anything?"

"Sure, have you watched Parasyte before?"

"No, let's give it a try then!" Itadori glances at the remote, then back at you - making you confused over his hesitation to move. He notices you noticed it, chuckling nervously. "To be honest, I don't wanna let go."

"It's hurting my back."

"SORRY I'M SORRY!" He jumped away from you like a cat would jolt away from a cucumber, making you snicker.

"It's okay, I just wanted to change positions."

And to tease you, but he didn't need to know that part.

He glared at you with a small pout, typing the initials of Parasyte on the search bar. Outside his line of vision, you were grinning like a idiot, his sweeteness took a tow on you. All the people of Tokyo you met really held a way different spirit from your classmates in Kyoto, Itadori being the nicest of all. It's surprising him being Sukuna's vessel to begin with; being honest, you felt drawn by it.

"Y/N, it's startiiiiing." He cut your daydreaming short, slumping on your side and propping his head on your shoulder.

"This again?" You throw an arm around his shoulders, very much like the first time he cuddled himself on you.

"Don't blame me, you're the one who wanted to change positions. Guess I'll just make some alterations since I'm awake this time!" One of his arms went behind your back and circled your waist, hand resting at your hip.

"It's definely different, since the other time you drooled on me."

"Hhgh, okay okay! Let me enjoy this." For perhaps the actual first time, you're able to watch without exchanging words with one another.

And this time, it's you who's head loll to the side, nose buried on his soft rose perfumed hair. Itadori doesn't comment on it yet, his free hand moves under your legs to lift your whole body up efortlessly when he senses you have fallen asleep.

"I remember you said it's bad for my spine, I wouldn't mind it... yours however."

The boy makes a beeline to the guest room, he sighs when there is no choice but open the door with his foot. Inside, he places you carefully in the soft bed.

Before he could leave, a hand reaches up for his sleeve.

"Itadori," He turned, looking at you. "Make me company?"

He giggles softly - you think it sounds like a highschool girl. "You should start calling me by my first name!" Itadori rambles as he climbs on the bed, arms wrapping around your waist in a motion you're familiar with.

"Yuuji, I'm tired, let me sleep."

"But I wanna talk more..." He pouts. "Also, are we, um, dating?"

You wriggle around, bringing his head down to peck on his forehead, teasing. "Correction, I want to date you."

"Uh, oh." A blush coats his face so quickly, you'd say someone dumped a bucket of red paint on his face.

"Is that a no?"

"No!"

"So it is a no."

"Christ, will you stop teasing for a second, I'm trying to talk here." He makes an angry version of his togepi-kirby face, you can't help but grin.

"You amuse me, but okay. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks." He blinks, the blush slowly fading away. "You know, I lied, not about the contact, I like the contact nonetheless-"

His hand moves to play with yours, such as tapping his tips against yours, or meassuring the palms.

"-it's you who brings me comfort."

It's also your turn to blush, that line was seriously charming.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, we're dating now." You respond, a little eagerly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please."

This is the best person I could ask for, Itadori thinks, keeping his eyes open as yours shut during the kiss, whom I won't change for anything else in this world.

When you both separate, Itadori feels drowsy and sleepy. His face fits perfectly on your shoulder as always.

"Goodnight, my favorite person."

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

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