#mourn ya till i join ya

[jawbonejoe]

Someone (not me) makes sure this cone stays overtop of a light right by the Lyric theater so it always glows like this. One week it had been moved and then was back in place within a day. I went by today to make sure it was still there and I gave the cone a pat on the head after getting this picture and a guy with bleached blonde hair saw me

[fandom-lover2]

More Than Meets The Optic

Ultra Magnus learns he stans non-binary rights

Word Count - 1827

Author's Note: I wrote this for my platonic soulmate after they came out to their parents as non-binary and was not supported. @quilbug, reality may suck, but in my world you are unbelievably loved and supported. Thank you for the permission to post this. Luv ya

My head bopped up and down in time with the beat, my eyes sliding across the words of my laptop screen.

Man’s invention of fanfiction can be dated back to the 18th century, and provided endless hours of entertainment while also creating a person’s own impression of the source material and building on it.

I spent hours lost in the worlds of my favorite characters, amazed at the creativity of people as they made new storylines, and did away with events in the canon they did not like.

Ratchet barked out an order to Miko, pleading with her to turn the music down as a louder song filtered through the speaker she had placed on top of the TV. Miko sassed the medic back, something about appealing to the masses.

“Miko…” I called out, drawing out her name and dropping an octave. A clear warning.

She let out a wailing groan, but did as she was told and the music diminished in volume.

“Thank you.” Ratchet sighed, turning back to his station. I tossed him a thumbs up without looking away from the screen.

God this story was beautiful, and funny. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and my chest felt warm and bubbly. These happy fics, slice of life stories of the characters the shows and movies don’t get to bring to life made the characters seem so much more real, like they’re somebody you actually know and can converse with. That being said, when the story ended, or the author decided to stop writing, it felt like you mourned characters as if they were real people, because you never get the chance to see new events happen with them again.

I had just finished one chapter and was ready to start the next when my name was called, by someone I never expected.

I spun in my chair, looking up to meet Ultra Magnus’ optics. He was frowning, and shifted on his peds.

“May I speak with you? Alone?”

My eyebrows shot up. Without thinking, I turned to look at Optimus. Whether to get his approval or check if I’d heard his lieutenant correctly, I was met with his version of curiosity. Still, my guardian looked down at me and nodded.

“Uhh, yeah. Sure.” I gently closed my laptop and stood, walking towards the steps.

Ultra Magnus interrupted my journey, holding out a servo in front of me. Ok, this was getting stranger with every second.

I accepted his servo, sitting stiffly as he began walking down the hall.

The big guy never carried us humans, didn’t want to be anywhere near us. Till Optimus paired him with Merling. They were the only one of us “natives” he tolerated. They had their spot, nestled between his neck and that weird shoulder situation he had going on. And Merling loved him, kindred spirits finding solace in one another.

It was funny in the beginning, because both Merling and Magnus had been confused at how Optimus and I would go for patrols and get so lost in our conversation that we’d just end up parked somewhere talking, all sense of time leaving us. Now, since Optimus had spoken to his lieutenant and explained how things were different, Magnus actually slowed down, stopped expecting something bad to happen every second and he and Merling had started spending extended periods of time together as well. Merling was finally allowed to join him on patrols, and at the base (once reports had been completed of course), they would find somewhere to sit together, spending time in one another’s company.

To have him willingly wanting to converse with me, which hadn’t occurred often since our less than friendly meeting, and carrying a human that wasn’t his charge, it was a big deal. Something serious must be going on.

Magnus carried me into the empty hanger in the base and deposited me on one of the catwalks, then took a few steps back. I waited, watching him as he dropped his helm.  His optics were darting side to side, a quirk I’d learnt meant he was thinking. A minute later and nothing had changed.

“Everything ok?” I realized I probably needed to start this conversation.

“Everything is… well.” he said, hesitantly. And that was all he gave me, still looking down.

“Okaayyy.” I pierced my lips. “What did you want to talk about?”

He looked up at me briefly, unsure. I was so used to seeing him frown, always agitated by something, but this was more innocent, like he didn’t know what to feel.

“I have a question, regarding the one you share a namesake with.”

‘Quil.’ I silently wished I could correct. Merling hadn’t spoken to anyone at the base about their self-discovery yet. And I’d promised to keep it under wraps until they were ready for everyone to know.

“Ok.” I prompted.

His frown deepened, and he was still looking down.

“We were conversing while I took her home and she-”

He stopped suddenly, his expression turning into a scowl, and I swear I heard him growl softly.

“They,” he corrected, “told me they no longer felt content with previously used ‘pronouns’ or the name you share.”

Finally, he looked up at me. He shifted his weight again, servos twitching, like he was unsure what to do with them.

“Can you explain to me what this means?”

I couldn’t stop the smile that broke across my face, and my chest felt all warm and fuzzy again. This was the cutest thing, and the most caring thing, I’d ever seen the grumpy guy do. He wanted to learn.

“Firstly, thank you for coming to me to ask. It shows you really care, and that’s sweet. Secondly, I’m happy to answer any questions you have. Don’t feel silly for asking.”

He relaxed at my words, shoulders sagging just a smidge as the tension left his faceplates.

“Ok, to start. As you know, humans are often divided into two genders, male and female.”

Magnus nodded.

“Well, that can refer to what a person feels they are, and what they are biologically. For example, I am female, a woman. I was born a woman, have a body typical of that of a woman, and view myself as a woman. Jack is a male, was born a male and feels he is a man.”

Magnus nodded again.

“Now, some people aren’t happy with the gender they are born with, feel as though that is not who they are inside. In their souls.”

He frowned, helm cocking to the side slightly. It reminded me of what dogs do, and I really had to fight a laugh.

“They are not content in their own forms?” he reiterated.

I shook my head. “No. So what some people do, what doctors have developed, is a way for a person to change their gender.”

This caused him to look even more bewildered.

“Doctors can give people artificial hormones, and perform surgeries that allow the person to change into the gender they feel they are.”

“We did not have such things on Cybertron.” Magnus spoke, eyes shifting again. “Who you were forged as is who you were.”

I smiled at him, watching as he tried to comprehend what I was saying to him.

“So…” he trailed off, trying to find the word. He looked at me pleadingly.

“Quil?” I supplied.

“Quil,” he nodded. “Quil wishes to become a male?”

“No.” This caused him to look at me in exasperation.

“You just said-”

“I said in some cases.” I corrected. “Quil feels differently. They feel as though they are neither male, nor female. Man, nor woman.”

He stared at me blankly for a few moments, then blinked and continued to stare.

“Does that make some sense?”

“What can be done to make… make them feel content?”

I smiled again. “Well, for starters, doing what you just did. Calling them by a gender-neutral pronoun, so them/they, will make them feel as though you respect them, and support their decision.”

“And medical assistance?” he pushed, taking a step closer to me urgently.

“That’s their decision. They may choose to have a surgery to make them appear less feminine, or can use a binder, which they have already.”

He looked down again, silently taking in all I had told him.

Cybertronians already make so much more noise than humans, the sounds of their internal fans causing a constant hum to emanate from them. Now, even though it shouldn’t be possible, I could imagine hearing the sounds of gearing turning as he tossed around the words I had spoken in his processor.

“So, why ask to be called Quil, as well as ‘gender-neutral pronouns’, as you said?”

I paused, trying the find the best way to approach this.

“Kristin was the name they had when they were a girl. But they’re no longer a female, and that name is who they were, and so they need a new name for who they are now.”

Magnus nodded absentmindedly, still thinking hard.

“And who else knows? Because the other children do not refer to them by Quil.”

I nodded in agreement. “Humans can be… weird and intolerable at times. Many people won’t be happy or accepting that they have changed their pronouns and name. People will start to see them differently, but not in a good way.”

“And you think that others will treat them this way?” he asked. It was said harshly, almost like he was accusing them of it already. He was getting upset that someone might not accept Merling, treat them harshly. He was getting protective.

I bit back the smirk that played on my lips.

“I don’t think anyone here will, but Quil needs to make that decision. Who they trust to know this, who they want to tell. For now, it’s just us. When they are more comfortable, they’ll tell others.”

Magnus remained silent, contemplating again.

“Does this all make sense?”

He hesitated before speaking, “This would not of been accepted on Cybertron, and I have never heard of such feelings among my kind, but I understand what you have told.” He paused. “And I will try to refer to Quil as they wish.”

“That’s amazing.” I praised. “If you have any more questions, please come to me.”

“I will.” Magnus nodded once, then took a step back. “Thank you for your assistance.”

Then, he turned and began walking out the hanger, leaving me behind on the only catwalk that didn’t have stairs connecting it to the rest.

By the time I realized, he was already turning into the hallway.

So, maybe he wasn’t progressing too far in his understanding of humans, or his tolerance of us. And yeah, it was taking him time to adjust to how we’d changed the base and dynamic of the team. But no one could ever say he didn’t have the capacity to want to change and learn, he just chose who he’d do it for.

[autisticempathydaemon]

"First Ten Lines" Tag Game!

Tagged by the divine @gingerbreadmonsters, thank you, dear~

(honestly, I didn't even realize I had enough fics to do this when did my fic count go up to eighteen without my say so wtf)

Meet me on your best behavior (Meet me at your worst)

When Christian asks David about mates, his Alpha describes something like love at first sight (as loathe as he is to admit it).

fill my heart with song (and let me sing)

“You know what?” Milo says, voice infuriatingly, deliciously smug.

I won't cross these streets (until you hold my hand)

“-and where did this one come from?” Sam asks, tracing a smooth finger across his Darlin’s scarred palm.

Baby, baby, baby (you're gonna set me on fire)

‘Don’t get distracted, don’t get distracted, don’t get dis-’

this could be the end of everything (so why don't we go)

“Talk to me,” his freelancer murmurs against his neck, lips and words gentle against his aching skin like butterfly kisses.

make you (feel my love)

Once upon a time, there was a captive princess- revered, admired, lonely- and the delicate, beautiful chains entrapping her.

I don't know (how to forget you)

"Alright, there we are- I reckon that doughnut'll hold up till you get into town, but take it easy, ya hear?"

-and it was at this moment the dumbass realized, though they have eighteen fics, they only have seven opening lines they actually like.

So, as always, I will pick Ginger's gorgeous brain and share some opening lines that I haven't published yet!

lost and hurt (and bone thin)

In the rough times, in the days blurring together, in the blindingly white prison they find themselves trapped in, Baby mourns not just the memory of their name but the memory of cooking.

make yourself some friends (or you’ll be lonely)

Mini-alpha: hey sam can we talk for a second

these memories lose their meaning (when I think of love as something new)

Contrary to popular belief, androids don’t dream of electric sheep.

Tagging:

@bratty-telepath @sealriously-sealrious @starlitangels @dominimoonbeam and whoever else would like to join!

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball GT Retrospective (7/7)

[Note: I wrote this on January 16, 2013.  Originally, I had embedded a video of Goku Junior slapping his bare ass for like ten hours, but it’s down now :(   Such is life.)

Well, I know I said I finished watching Dragon Ball GT, but there's one last thing in the box set: Dragon Ball GT: The Movie

This actually isn't what it sounds like.  I'm pretty sure the "movie" was actually a TV special, and it didn't really have much at all to do with the characters or plotlines of GT.   Really, it's more of an epilogue tale of the future, set one hundred years after the events in Dragon Ball GT.   Of course, GT was set some forty years after the beginning of the first Dragon Ball storyline, so it seems like a jump too far.   From what I understand, the original plan was to wrap up the GT series with the end of the Baby Saga, but something happened and they ended up making another twenty-odd episodes.  In between all that, they had this GT special set up, probably as a final sendoff to all things Dragon Ball.   This was somewhat undermined by flashing a hundred years back for Super 17 and Shadow Dragon Sagas, but in the final episode of GT, they flashed forward yet again to tie the series finale with the special.   So, the premise of the special is pretty straightforward.  One hundred years after Baby's defeat, Goku and everyone else from Dragon Ball is dead.  The only one left is Pan, who's looking pretty spry for a a centenarian.  Actually, I'm not sure 100 years was the best time frame to use.   Goku's master, Master Roshi, was already three hundred years old when Dragon Ball started, and he survived all the way to the end of GT, never really aging much.  The implication was that his lifetime of martial arts training somehow allowed him to unnaturally extend his lifespan, but it was never actually explained.   Further, we never really found out what the lifespan of a Saiyan is.  Goku and Vegeta aged very little across the timeline of DBZ/DBGT, and Vegeta explained that Saiyans have a much longer physical prime than humans do.   Humans like.... Master Roshi?   I don't think anyone really put a lot of thought into this, probably because no one ever seriously planned to cover the world of DragonBall that far into the future.   Even if we knew how long Saiyans and humans can normally live in that universe, the Saiyan-human hybrid characters would still be an x-factor.   I guess what I'm trying to say here is that we really can't tell what keeps Granma Pan so fit.  Is it because she's one-quarter Saiyan?  Is it because of advances in that Earth's medical technology?  Is it because any human in that world could live past 100 with proper diet and exercise?   Or is she tapping into the same ki techniques that preserved Master Roshi for so long?   What I kind of dig about the special is that no one really knows, and we may never know.  The world of Goku and his friends is gone, lost forever like a forgotten dream.  Pan seems to be a minor celebrity in her own right, but it's because she's Pan, not so much because she was related to the mysterious Son Goku, daughter of the brilliant scientist Son Gohan, or the heir of the legendary world champion Mister Satan.  If she married, her husband is never seen or mentioned.   We have no idea if she had brothers or sisters.   She must have had at least one son or daughter, but the only reason we know this is because of her grandson, Goku Jr.  There's a melancholy to that.  Maybe some of these missing figures are still alive, but they're clearly not part of Pan's life anymore.   It's just her and her grandson living in Satan City.   Goku Jr. probaly knows the city was named to honor his ancestor's heroism at the Cell Games, but the information is meaningless to him.   It's ancient history, especially to a small boy.  Goku Jr. is the spitting image of his namesake, but this doesn't mean that much to him either.   He knows Goku was a great warrior, someone whom Pan respects tremendously, but he might as well be Abraham Lincoln.  He looks in the mirror and sees himself, not a cartoon character who could blow up entire planets with his fingers.   Pan tries to train Goku Jr, but he's kind of a klutz.  More to the point, he's timid and doesn't want to fight.   A bully named Puck takes a cool-looking novelty pen from him, and he just lets him keep it.   Pan gives him shit for not standing up for himself, but he doesn't see the big deal.   During this conversation she has a heart attack or something like that, and we cut to the hospital, where Pan is apparently in bad shape.  Goku desperately promises to train harder and fight anyone he has to if it means she'll pull through.   This is where Pan realizes she's been too hard on the boy.   I like this scene because it would have been too easy to forget that Pan was kind of a pushy jerk when she was a kid.   The adult Pan is still demanding and refuses to take crap from anyone, but she's been wanting Goku Jr. to be like her grandfather, and he has been all along. Son Goku wouldn't start a fight over a pen, no matter how many cool floaty things are inside it.  But he would go through anything to save Pan, and that's what Goku Jr. is determined to do, too.   When Pan takes a turn for the worse, Junior heads home, and notices a photo of Pan as a child, holding a Dragon Ball.  He flashes back to a time when Pan tried to tell him the story of the photo, but he was too preoccupied playing video games.   PAN: Hey, check this out.  It's a picture of me and my robot friend Giru.   And I had a dopey orange bandana, and I whined all the time, and Vegeta never got to do anything cool, and-- GOKU JR.: That sounds really boring, granma.  I'm gonna play more Super Mario World.   It's hard not to like Goku, Jr., is what I'm trying to say.   Anyway, Goku Jr. doesn't know the whole mythology of the Dragon Balls, but he does vaguely understand that they grant wishes, and the four-star ball was sort of a family heirloom, so he devises an ill-conceived plan to travel to Mount Paozu and search his ancestor's home for it.  A truck driver offers him a lift, but this is just a trick to get all the stuff in his giant backpack.   Evil Truck Driver is perhaps my new favorite GT character. GOKU JR.: So what's in this truck?   ETD: It's full of hamburgers, kid.  It's pretty awesome.   GOKU, JR.: Wow, you sure have a lot of food in the cab.   ETD: Yep.   I've got even more food in this bag here, too.   You want some?   GOKU JR.: Nah, I've got my own food in my backpack.   ETD: ... Really?    Uh... say, you want to hop out and take a whiz?   It's a long way to go.   GOKU JR.: Yeah, I guess I'd better.   I'll just leave my backpack stuffed with food in your truck filled with even more food.     ETD: Delicious.  Uh... I mean, scrumptious!  I mean!  I'm driving away and taking your food with me!  Ha ha ha! I feel really bad for whoever's expecting those hamburgers to arrive.   Actually, maybe he's not even a real truck driver.  He just stole the truck one day and he's been living off its cargo ever since.   Ironically, this turns into a lucky break for Goku, because he meets Puck while he walks to Mt.  Paozu on foot.  Puck had heard about Goku's plans before he left, and he was so impressed with his daring that he wants to tag along and watch when Goku is eaten by wild animals or bandits.  The thing is, Puck's a pretty fair outdoorsman, so as they get closer to their destination he's able to help Goku live off the land.  Along the way, Puck begins to bond with Goku Jr., and they have a few minor adventures.   Wolves attack them, but they're rescued by a woman with a shotgun who takes them to her home for the night.   Unfortunately, she turns out to be a witch or a demon or something.   Whatever she is, she eats people.  Goku Jr. is suspicious from the start (due to his past experience with Evil Truck Driver), so he and Puck manage to escape.   Their partnership comes to an end on a rickety bridge.   Goku Jr is afraid to cross until Puck proves it's sturdy enough.   Even so, the bridge nearly collapses, and Puck falls off in a failed attempt to rescue Goku.  Goku manages to climb back up on his own, and then he rescues a bearcub from one of the same demon bandits he escaped earlier.  In gratitude, the bear’s mother escorts Goku to his ancestor's home, but they're once again attacked by the bandits.   This time, they're joined by Lord Yao, their leader.   The mommy bear tries to fight him off so Goku can take her cub to safety, but she's hopelessly outmatched.   Worse, the baby bear slips away and tries to help, so Goku can't even save him.  Frustrated with his powerlessness, Goku Jr finally loses his shit and transforms into a Super Saiyan.  He clobbers Lord Yao and frightens his henchmen away.  When he reverts to normal, he has no memory of the battle, and believes the bears did all the work.   With all that out of the way, Goku Jr. locates the Four-Star Dragon Ball in the ruins of what was once his ancestor's childhood home.   This is really a melancholy scene.  The house belonged to Son Gohan, the kindly old man who adopted the elder Goku when his spaceship crashed on Earth.  When Dragon Ball begins, Goku leaves that home to begin his adventures, and aside from a couple of trips to pick up his things, he never really returns.   Now, some 140 years later, it's still standing, but derelict.  No one remembers the kindly old man who lived there, or how his compassion changed the universe for the better.  Someone must have left the four-star Dragon Ball there to honor his memory, but even the significance of that gesture is lost in the sands of time.   Goku Jr. doesn't understand how the Dragon Balls work, so he starts praying to the four-star ball, asking the Dragon to restore his grandmother's health and bring Puck back to life if at all possible.  When he gets no answer, he becomes upset, and then he notices the original Goku standing beside him.   He introduces himself as Goku Jr.'s great-great-grandfather, and explains that the Dragon Balls only work when you have all seven of them.   Nevertheless, he congratulates his descendant for his courage and strength, and then Pan and Puck arrive on the scene in an aircraft.   Apparently they didn't die after all.   The elder Goku disappears without a trace, and Goku Jr. is left with the lesson that his inner strength was what saved the day.     I'm not crazy about the ending of the story, since it's never explained how Puck survived his fall.   Pan's recovery is no big deal.   No one knew for sure whether she would live or die, so it's entirely plausible that she got better, went home, and realized where Goku Jr. must have gone.   But Puck fell off a bridge into a deep canyon.  Unless Pan swooped in and saved him in the nick of time, I don't see how else he would have survived.   Of course, some other superhuman resident of Mount Paozu might have stepped in, but the special seems to be built on the idea that the superheroics of old are no more.   Of course, based on the finale of Dragon Ball GT we might infer that Goku Jr.'s wish really was granted after all.   In the final episode of the series, Goku merges with the Dragon Balls as Shenron exiles himself from the earth.   So if the Four-Star Ball was sitting in his old house, it must have been Goku himself who put it there, because no one else would have had it.  And it's reasonable to assume he had the other six with him, so when Goku Jr. made his wish, he really did get it to work after all.   The implication is that Goku is the Dragon, and he's not too picky about the rules.  I think this is what Toei was going for, but they wanted to keep it ambiguous.  Maybe Goku did come back from death to grant his descendant's wish, or maybe Goku Jr. imagined the encounter, and Puck and Pan's survival was just a fortunate coincidence.   The next time we see these characters is in Episode 64 of the regular GT television series.  Goku Jr. has learned to harness and control his powers to become a talented martial artist.  He enters the World Tournament and faces one of Vegeta's descendants in the final round of the Junior Devision.  Pan is still in good health, and she meets Vegeta Jr.'s mother, indicating a friendly, if not close, relationship still exists between the two families.  The elder Goku reappears once again to watch the tournament finals, but Pan only glimpses him for a moment before he vanishes again. There's a bittersweetness to the special that really makes it worthwhile.   Beyond that, it's actually kind of boilerplate.  It reminds me a lot of the "Episode of Bardock" special that was recently produced.   In that, Goku's biological father Bardock miraculously survives the destruction of his home planet by getting thrown back in time, where he becomes the hero of the pre-Saiyan Planet Plant and turns Super Saiyan at the climactic moment.  It's not a bad story, it just doesn't have a whole lot else going for it other than being a callback/tribute to the main Dragon Ball storyline.   A lot of fun was had with these future scenarios, depicting heroes who would carry on after Goku: Future Trunks in his alternate timeline, Uub at the end of DBZ, Pan as the heir apparent in GT, and Goku Jr. in this special.  But none of these characters ever really goes anywhere new.  At best, they follow a path similar to the one charted by Goku and his contemporaries.  The moral is that the story is the same no matter who the main character is.  Goku Jr. barely knows the legend of his famous ancestor, but he carries on the tradition nevertheless.   That's the "hero's legacy".  Goku might be forgotten after a few generations, but the things he stood for, the causes he fought for, the example he set, those things are timeless.   And that brings us full circle, because I think the chief mistake of Dragon Ball GT was in trying to de-age Goku to artificially loop his character arc.   Toei wanted to make Goku his own successor, when they probably would have been better off making Pan the main character, having her own goofy adventures with Goku and Vegeta chilling out in the superhero retirement home.  Or they could have skipped ahead and made the series about this Goku Jr. kid, since he has the look they wanted without all the baggage.  GT ended with a ham-fisted morality play about how the Dragon Balls had been overused, which is humorous coming from a studio that couldn't let the Dragon Ball franchise end with dignity.  With the special, they kind of got it right, but only for a moment.

[stuckyhaul]

One-Shot: Shipyard | Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentions of war, WW2, angst.

Style: Diary entry written from Bucky’s perspective.

Length: Short.

Notes: It’s my birthday, and I wanted to try writing something small, yet meaningful and bittersweet. 🥹 In this one shot, Bucky works at the shipyards, it’s written after the events of Pearl Harbour.

⬇️ Begin Here ⬇️

Most folks won’t tell ya’ bout’ how hard it was to be a worker at the shipyard after D-Day. The amount of volunteers let alone the employment increase was enough to make any man cry for a mourning country. The amount of strength we had as workmen, the courage to want to fight and go to war for our people lost at Pearl Harbour, the way the hammers banged louder against the ship metal, it was enough to understand the country was both devastated and angry.

Some men wouldn’t speak, they just worked long and hard hours till someone had to drag em’ off home to rest. Others wouldn’t shut up, their mouths filled with filthy words and cusses, on edge and ready to throw a punch at any fool who was willing to try and reason with em’. The boss even had to let some go, too sad and caught up in the tragedy to be let out on the workfloor, muttering names of lost ones around the heavy machinery.

Each week I’d see men handing in their work uniforms, trading it in for an enlistment form or draft notice. Me? I kept my head down and did the work, not bothering anyone I didn’t need to, I understood the importance of the ships we were building- now more than ever.

Everyday walkin’ home seemed to take a few more steps, getting closer to the mailbox and wondering the day it would say I got my own letter, I knew it would happen. Most the guys I knew had already been drafted, able bodied men, working with hunks of metal? Yeah, optimal choice for the front line of battle, according to the states.

Dinners with Steve became quiet, the radio constantly telling us about what was happening since the bombing, how many dead, the number rising each day. “We gotta get over there.” I’d hear Steve mutter under his breath, his fists clenched frustratedly, eyes watering as he listened on. The blonde spitfire had a heart of gold, always had, and in a way I was envious I didn’t have one like it. Maybe then I wouldn’t have been so afraid of leaving him behind when my serial number was called upon.

Who’d look after him? Help pay his bills, cook his food? Not to mention those punks in the alleyway that eyed him like a piece of meat ever since I’d been around to help ward em’ off. I remember my chest physically hurt to imagine leavin’ him behind by himself. My best pal…

I knew in my heart it was more than that, but given our lives, nothin’ could ever come of it. Not now, not ever, not if we didn’t want to be thrown away in some looney bin. Though, whenever Steve smiled at me, I couldn’t help but return one right back. Even in dark days like this, I knew we still had each other, even if the world was at war.

The days at the shipyard seemed to meld together, more men leaving to join the ranks, meaning harder work left for the rest of us in order to get USS Lowa out on the water. She was a big girl too, one of their best, we called her ‘the big stick’. Cause that’s what she was gonna be to a lotta folk’ over the big blue, the military made sure she was gonna hit like one too, we just made sure she’d still float after taken’ a beatin’. Lowa was gonna be the flagship of battleship division 7, headin’ out over the pacific with her fleet.

Unfortunately, I never got to see her set sail.

[jinx-jade]

Cries of a hummingbird part 3: Side effect

When Marinette first received her miraculous, she didn’t believe herself to be the best candidate to fight a villain wielding ancient magic jewelry. Yet when push came to shove, and Marinette was given no option to back out or walk away, she accepted the mantle.

As time went on she adjusted to the life of secrets. She couldn’t tell anyone that she was Ladybug. This meant that Marinette was constantly making up excuses for where she was, why she was late, why she didn’t show, any excuse to keep them away from her secret identity.

After all, keeping secrets is what you have to do to keep people safe.

‘It’s fine. Keeping secrets is just a side effect of being a vigilante’, Marinette thought to herself.

When Master Fu, Marinette’s only mentor, passed on his title of Grand Guardian to her, Marinette wanted to scream, cry, to do something. She wanted to be able to process her emotions, She wanted to be able to mourn the loss of her grandfather figure, her mentor, the person she was able to be open with and keep no secrets.

‘It’s fine. Not showing emotions is just a side effect of living in Paris.’ Marinette thought to herself.

“Mistress? Perhaps a…trip to somewhere… outside of Hawkmoths range is in order?” Kaalki suggested.

“Is that the best idea? What if an Akuma attacks while we’re gone?” Marinette questioned uncertainty shadowing her neutral tone of voice.

“I believe it would be a wise decision to release any built-up energy and emotions.” Wayzz states. The other kwamis joining in with their agreements, that a break would be a good idea.

Kaalki opened a portal that ended up taking Marinette to a dark gothic city. It was here, where she was safe from any possibility of Akumatization that she finally broke down.

Marinette’s emotions exhausted her more than she thought. The second she was home and lying down, Marinette fell fast asleep. It was a stark contrast to the previous sleepless nights she’s had since receiving a miraculi.

Marinette visited the gothic city fairly frequently to break down and be able to process her emotions. While She felt bad for using the miraculi in such a selfish way, the Kwamis encouraged Marinette to leave the toxic environment whenever she saw fit. 

After all, if Marinette were to be Akumatized, the world if not the universe would most likely end.

When Lila Rossi turned Marinette’s friends, teachers, classmates, and slowly, her parents against her by pointing out all of Marinette’s lies and excuses, all she could do was put on a mask of indifference.

‘It’s fine. I shouldn’t worry about some small school drama.’ Marinette thought to herself. A side effect of being the Grand Guardian is that it had made Marinette’s life problems seem like a leaf blowing in the wind, compared to the missing miraculi that is a tornado able to destroy cities, countries, and worlds.

When Marinette was all but legally disowned by the Dupain-Chengs, all she could do was stare at the two people she thought would never turn their backs on her. There was no emotion in Marinette’s stare. To her, it seemed like she was observing from behind a one-way window. 

All Marinette’s parents could see was a mirror reflecting the girl everyone believed Marinette to be based on the numerous true and false rumors floating around about the bluenette. Marinette on the other hand could only watch as if it was a show on a television instead of her actual life.

‘It’s fine. My parents… Tom and Sabine not trusting me must be a side effect from all the times I’ve had to lie to them.’ Marinette thought to herself.

When Chat Noir turned his back on Ladybug, willingly choosing to help the terrorist that had held all of Paris emotionally captive for the past four years, all she could do was sweep her feelings under a rug. She couldn’t deal with those feelings of betrayal and hurt till after this war was over and done with.

Ladybug snatched Chat Noir’s miraculi, revealing none other than Marinette’s former crush, Adrien Agreste. She wasn’t allowed to sit in her shock due to Hawkmoth, Mayura, and Adrien attacking her.

Seeing no other option, Ladybug merged the Ladybug and black cat miraculi. When she did, the world seemed to come to a stop.

No.

It was simply moving too slow for the young vigilante’s brain to process the movements.

“What’s going on?” Ladybug questioned.

“You have merged the powers of creation and luck herself with the powers of destruction and ill fortune himself. What do you wish?” An ethereal voice spoke.

“I… I don’t have a wish. I just… I just didn’t know… know what else to do.” Ladybug stutters out feeling lost and confused.

“You have no wish?” The voice asked confused.

“No, I…” Ladybug paused realizing how she could end all of this.

“What if I wished for the kwamis to be set free, what would be the balancing act to set things back into balance?” Ladybug questioned.

“You wish to set the Kwamis free? You are aware that you humans would never be able to use the Kwami’s powers again, correct?” The voice informs her.

“Yes, I’m aware.” Ladybug answers.

“Then make your wish.” The voice states softly.

“I… I wish for the kwamis to be released from their bound jewels… To never be imprisoned against their will… To never be forgotten… To let them interact with all beings however they please. I wish for the kwamis to be set free.” Ladybug informs the voice of her wish.

In response, a soft glow appeared, fixing all the damage that had been done in the battle. Hawkmoth and Mayura de-transformed and became their civilians Gabrial Agreste and Nathalie Sancoeur. However, before Ladybug’s transformation drops, a portal opens and brings Marinette back to her gothic haven.

“Here is where you’re meant to be Mistress.” The soft voice of Kaalki could be heard.

“Don’t worry about us pigtails. We’ll be keeping a close eye on ya,” Plagg claimed.

“Should you ever wish to speak with us, just send us your prayers. We are gods after all,” Wayzz states as wise as ever.

“We’ll talk soon. I just know it.” Tikki cheered.

The kwamis each gave their goodbyes. Once she was alone, Marinette finally broke down.

‘Was it over?’

‘Was she finally free?’

‘Did all this just because she opened a random box that had been on her desk?’

‘Was this all just the side effects of opening that box?’

‘Was this just the side effect of the miraculous?’

Question after question appearing in her head, but after a few more moments, Marinette fell asleep, giving into her emotionally exhausted state.

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[hateswifi]

No More Second Chances: Chapter One

So I accidently delete this earlier and had a mini stress attack. So here it is back again. I hope you enjoy.

Master: Master List

No More Second Chances: Master List

-------------------

Marinette loved her family, but they didn’t believe her. They thought she was everything that her classmates said she was. One day she came home to Alya and Lila talking to her parents, Lila was crying. 

“I can’t believe you, I can’t believe myself! How could I raise someone who can be so heartless,” Sabine said, rubbing the tears from her eyes.

“Mama I didn’t do it!” Marinette defended.

“Don’t raise your voice at your mother, go to your room. I- We can’t even look at you,” Tom said, pointing at the door leading to the kitchen and upstairs.

“Let me explain though!”

“No, now go,” Sabine said, letting herself be enveloped in her husband’s supportive hug.

“I-” Marinette tries.

“Go! Now!” Tom says, rubbing Sabine’s shoulder. Marinette plopped down on her bed in tears, she’s so happy that Hawkmoth had been defeated or she wouldn’t be able to fight off the akuma. She was now the guardian and was solely in charge of the miraculous. Adrien, her best friend, and partner had been taken into the care of his aunt after Gabriel was revealed as Hawkmoth, leaving Marinette alone to suffer with the class. With no one to stand with her, the class became unbearable.

“Marinette, we are going to sign you up for the exchange program,” Sabine said sternly.

“Why can’t you understand that I didn’t do it? If you don’t believe me, fine, I’ll leave. There’s nothing here for me. My parents don't care and believe me. My classmates wish I was dead, most of them telling me to kill myself, which I have thought about but you wouldn’t that because you gave me so much freedom that it was borderline neglect. But ya know what? it’s fine, might as well lose my home along with the people I used to care about, Tikki let’s go pack!” Marinette screamed, Tikki flying over to comfort the girl.

“It’s ok Mari, I’ll still be with you,” Tikki said, nuzzling her head.

“Marinette, what is that?” Tom asks.

“You mean who! This is Tikki, the only person that cares about me,” Marinette says.

“I’m her kwami, I give her the power to be Ladybug,” Tikki explains.

“I guess if you can’t trust your daughter then you can’t trust Ladybug, the hero of Paris,” Marinette said, pulling her suitcase out of the closet. “When do I leave?” She asks through gritted teeth.

“Well, we started planning this a while ago so Monday,” Sabine cries. “But honey you don’t have to go! Stay here!”

“What were you going to wait till Sunday to tell me? That’s great. Well, I guess I don’t want to be a bother anymore, so you can leave,” Marinette said, grabbing clothes from her draw.

“I’m sorry Honey, please forgive me. You don’t have to leave I trust you,” Sabine pleads.

“Nope, if you can’t trust me, how can you trust Ladybug,” Marinette asks, toiletries from her bathroom. “You don’t care about me, that's all I need to leave. I’ll be back when I graduate to get the rest of my stuff. Then you’ll never see me again, just as you wanted.”

“No, sweetie you can stay with us we love you, we want you around,” Tom said. 

“Night, I’m going out, not like you would care or notice,” Marinette said. “Tikki, Spots on.” She said, transforming. “Shut off the light as you leave.”

“Marinette we need to talk about this!” Sabine said, trying to follow her up to the balcony.

“Bye, Sabine, Tom,” Ladybug said, jumping off the balcony. She sat on a roof and cried. She pulled out her phone and tried to compose herself. “A- Adr- Adrien, can I come to visit you tomorrow, well stay at your place till Sunday night?” Ladybug sniffles.

“What happened, Buginette?”

“Sabine and Tom are sending me away because Lila’s lies got to them, I revealed myself as Ladybug to them during my emotional spiel and they want me to stay because of it, but I can’t stay knowing that they don’t trust me, without the knowledge of me being Ladybug,” Ladybug explained, full-on tears rolling down her face.

“Ok that’s a lot, I’ll ask my aunt, I’m pretty sure she’ll say yes, though,” Adrien said. “Breathe with me ok” After she’s calm, she hangs up and grabs her stuff. She leaves her par-- Sabine and Tom a note.

‘Sabine, Tom,

I’m leaving but I’ll be home Sunday night. I will not speak to you, I just need you there so I can leave. Then you’ll see me once after I graduate to get the rest of my stuff. If you seek me out, I will not speak to you then. You’ve destroyed any chance you had at being in my life. For now, this is farewell. My decision won’t change.

- Marinette Jiayang Fu’

As Marinette got off the train, Sabine and Tom read her letter. They cried, not only had they driven their only daughter out of their home, they drove Ladybug out of Paris. She was so detached from them, because of them, she changed her last name. They mourned over their daughter and their mistakes.

“Adrien! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Marinette runs up and hugs him. He decided to meet her at the train station with Gorilla, Adrien convinced his aunt to keep Gorilla as his driver. He was happy to have a familiar face in London. 

“How are you doing?”

“I feel free? I guess being away from Paris is like a weight being lifted off of me,” Marinette sighed as she put her duffel in the trunk.

“Finally what took you so long?” a grumpy voice said as she opened the door.

“Sorry Marinette, I forgot to mention, we have to drop Felix off for a meeting before we head back home, ok?” Adrien said, closing the door.

“Of course. How have you been Felix? I haven’t seen you since you came to visit Adrien,” Marinette smiled.

“Fine,” he responds, before opening a manilla envelope. 

“Are you taking over your father’s business?” Marinette asks.

“Why does it matter?”

“Well if you are and it makes you happy, I’m happy for you,” Marinette smiled.

“What?” Felix asks looking up from his folder.

“I’m happy for you?” Marinette says, confused.

“Marinette, Felix may be a bit confused because you guys didn’t end on the best note,” Adrien explained.

“That’s all in the past,” Marinette said.

“Oh… um, thank you,” Felix says, looking back down at the papers.

“Don’t mention it,” Marinette said, looking out the window. Gorilla growls, prompting Felix to get out of the car. After Felix enters the building, Gorilla drives off back to the house.

“Aunt, I don’t know if you met my friend Marinette, but she’s here and she’s very nice,” Adrien greets, opening the door.

“Sorry Madame, I just couldn’t stay with my parents, but I’ll be gone Sunday afternoon. My parents are sending me to the states,” Marinette explained.

“I’ll show you to our guest room, Honey,” Amelie said, walking up the stairs. “Brunch will be soon.”

“Ok Ma’am,” Marinette said, opening the door.

“Nope, no ma’am, call me aunt. Adrien talks so much about you,” She smiles. “Get settled in and join us downstairs.”

“Ok, Aunt I’ll see you soon then,” Marinette giggles, closing the door before plopping down on the bed with a sigh she states. “This has been such a long day.”

“It’s only ten o’clock,” Tikki laughs.

“I know but I’ve been up all night,” Marinette complained, flipping to lay face down on the bed.

“I bet they’ll have coffee downstairs,” Tikki said, that was all Marinette needed to be motivated to go downstairs. After a lovely brunch, which included coffee, Adrien and Marinette decided to go to the tourist sights. Later, Adrien would post selfies among other pictures of them together. When she went to bed that night, she passed out.

Marinette woke up early the next morning, being a baker’s daughter and all. The only person awake was Felix, who was sipping tea and looking over his tablet. “Good morning Felix,” Marinette said, brewing a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, how long are you staying for?” He responded, looking up from his tablet.

“I’m going to leave after dinner, I’m catching a train back to Paris, because apparently, I have an early flight,” Marinette sighs.

“Very well,” Felix said, standing. He walks over to the sink and places his teacup in it. “Well, if I don't see you before you leave, have a lovely flight.”

“Thank you, Felix,” Marinette says as he leaves the room. Sunday flew by fast and soon Marinette and Adrien stood back on the train station platform. They hug good-bye with promises to talk soon. As she sat down on the near-empty train she sighed thinking of the journey ahead. When she got close to her house, she transformed into Ladybug and climbed in through the balcony hatch. She showered and went to bed.

When she woke up the next morning, she was met with the smiling faces of Tom and Sabine. She got up, brushed them, grabbed her suitcase, and headed downstairs.

“Please Marinette, reconsider, we’ll stand with you,” Sabine pleads.

She shakes her head and exits, she sits in the car and Sabine and Tom reluctantly get in. “I’m sorry that it came to this,” Tom said, starting the car, his eyes were red and puffy. On the way to the airport, they tried to convince her to stay, even when she was waiting to board her plane, they were still there pleading with her to forgive them. As her flight was called, they didn't hold back their tears.

“May we please have one more hug before we don’t see you again?” they plead, grabbing her hand. Now, Marinette may not be happy, she may be downright pissed at them, but she was not cold. 

She nodded her head and they enveloped her in a big wet, tear-filled hug. She broke away, leaving them together to board the plane. She never looked back.

She realized as she sat down as she was looking through her carry on for her sketchbook, they had left something in there for her. It was information about her host family, an apology letter she couldn’t be bothered to read. She now knew who she was supposed to be looking for when she landed. She spent the rest of the trip sketching in her sketchbook, watching Friends, and sleeping. 

When the plane landed, she got off the plane and got her luggage. She entered the main area of the airport, where three people with a sign stood. She smiled and walked towards the group. “Hello, are you Marinette?”

-------------------------- I hope you enjoyed, ask me if you want to be on the tag list.

[blahblahblippyblah]

The Magic of Dust: first day

Chapter 3

His dark materials AU.

Read on AO3 too.

Remus

Remus was the first one to wake up the next morning. Ileuda was curled up on his chest and glared at him angrily when he sat up and she tumbled on top of the bedsheets. He opened his bed curtains and surveyed the dorm. t was small and the other three beds had their curtains drawn shut still. Remus could hear the sounds of snoring coming from Peter and James’s beds. Orange sunlight spilled into the room, the sun was just showing up. He stretched and heard both his shoulder pop. He was sore today, which as expected the full moon was now 6 days away. He tiptoed barefoot to the bathroom. He quickly washed up and got ready. Ileuda also washed herself up using the sink to wet her little paws and wipe them on her face.

Tiptoeing back to the dorm he was relieved to see everyone was still fast asleep, so he took the opportunity to quickly get dressed. He changed his shirt as quickly as possible not even wanting to risk someone seeing the scars that covered his chest and back. By the time he was putting on his socks James’ curtains had begun to rustle, and by the time he had his bag on and was tying his trainers James stumbled out blurry eyes without glasses heading to the bathroom.

The common room downstairs was practically empty. Only two upper year students were up sitting by the fire chatting quietly. Remus headed straight down to the Great Hall since his stomach was rumbling.

The Great Hall was also sparsely occupied. Only the gamekeepers, and a large porky professor with bushy moustache were up at the head table. Two Slytherins were sitting far apart at their table, a group of three Hufflepuff girls were sitting giggling, and then one other person at the Gryffindor table. When Remus got closer, he saw it was the red-headed girl from yesterday. She looked sad as she poked her scrambled eggs with her fork. Remus decided to go and see what was up.

He sat down across from her and began filling his plate with bacon and filling his mug with some spicy smelling tea that was out.

“Good morning. Lily was it?” He asked when she looked up.

She stared at him for a second with a straight face and slightly squinted eyes. She was obviously deciding how to respond. Remus had forgotten about the fight James sand Sirius had started in the compartment, and she probably was deciding if he was to blame too.

“I’m Remus” Remus said extending his hand to her. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself properly yesterday. Kind of nerve wracking coming to Hogwarts.” Remus continued trying to convince Lily he wasn’t being malicious.

She reached out and shook his hand back then went back to poking her eggs solemnly.

“It’s ok. I was nervous to come too” She said. On her shoulder her mourning dove daemon let out a mournful sounding sigh.

Beside him Ileuda laid her head in his lap. Remus pet her softly. Obviously, something was up making this girl sad, he felt bad for her, but he didn’t want to be nosy and intrusive, so he decided to try and change the subject.

“You excited for any particular class?”

Lily looked up and smiled faintly.

“Ya, I’m excited for potions. My friend Severus lent me a potions book on rare ingredients before I got my letter and I got really interested.”

Remus smiled; he honestly wasn’t fond of potions. At home his dad had stopped brewing since the smells affected him so strongly. Even if his office door was closed the fumes still seemed to spill out under the door and make him feel ill.

However, his mother would take him out a in the forest behind their house and he would help her pick stuff to eat for dinner, mustards, herbs and berries. Occasionally his dad would come and point out magical plants. Sometimes they would pick they for healing potions. One time they found a wand tree on their property deep in the forest. His dad had pulled out a handful of rice and placed it at the bottom of the tree. Then they stood back quietly behind and watched as a bunch of bowtruckels came down from the canopy to eat the rice. He was young then and seeing the little twig creatures had been a magical moment.

“So did you use to pick potion ingredients with your family?” Remus asked.

“Oh umm no. My family is muggle. But I went out with my friend quite a bit. He used to brew potions in his bedroom. I don’t think my sister would have liked that very much” The last sentence she said with her nose scrunched up a bit. Her dove daemon ruffled its feathers at the mention of their sister. Then it flew up in the air and turned into a monarch butterfly and landed in Lily’s hair.

“My mom’s a muggle. She doesn’t understand potions. She thinks it’s silly to brew a potion for a sore throat when you can just drink some ginger tea.” Remus said trying to keep Lily in conversation now that it seemed to be cheering her up.

Lily chuckled a little. “It is a little silly isn’t it. So what classes are you looking forward too.”

“Oh history of magic sounds fun. I read the text book twice already. Plus, I found a book on the Goblin rebellion of 1419 that I started reading.”

With that they started talking about how they thought school here would work. She had apparently been to a public muggle school, and she was worried Hogwarts would be different. Remus himself had never been to school before. His mom and dad taught him from home. They moved a lot because of his condition, and his dad was worried about people realising that he disappeared every month around the full moon, only to come back injured. So, He was really excited to start school like a regular person.

They continued talking about wizard history till the hall started to get busy. Lily had also read Hogwarts: A History and they started to compared notes when James and Sirius came into the hall. James was tying his new Gryffindor tie as he came in trying to straighten his clothes, which he obviously put on with little effort. Sirius however had just thrown on whatever was probably lying on the top of his trunk and didn’t seem to care. His tie hung untied around his neck, his shirt was opened at the top, and his robe was thrown over his shoulder, everything very wrinkly. This only thing that was done properly was his neatly brushed hair pulled back with a striking red and gold ribbon. This was in contrast to James whose hair looked even more of a rat’s nest than yesterday. They sat down with Lily and him and Lily immediately dropped her niceties and turned to Sirius who sat down beside her.

“I don’t remember asking you two to join us”

James paused but Sirius stayed calm and ignored her.

“Good because I don’t remember asking.” He simply said filling his plate with eggs and toast.

Lily glared daggers at Sirius. Remus thought she was about to hit the guy so he decided to step in.

“Lily this is Sirius and James. You may be confused since they forgot to introduce themselves like regular human beings.” Remus said to Lily while stepping discretely on James’s toes.

James got the message and sat up straight and turned to Lily.

“I’m James.” Remus pressed harder on James toes. He winced and continued “Sorry for that um…kerfuffle yesterday”

Lily didn’t respond. She just glared angrily at him. Sirius who was sitting beside her snorted at the word ‘kerfuffle’ and then coughed a bit since he chocked on his mouth full of eggs. Some went flying from his mouth onto his plate. She shot him a disgusted look and James started laughing out loud at Sirius which caused milk to splatter out of his mouth, which caused Sirius to laugh and a disgusting feedback loop of chewed food.

“You are both disgusting” She said out loud and shuffled further away from them.

Thankfully the post decided to arrive just then, stopping further bickering. The hall filled with owls carrying letters and packages to students. Remus looked up and saw a giant eagle owl land on James’s shoulder. The owl was huge, and very regal in the way it looked. It promptly held out its leg to let James untie the large package attached to it.

“Forgot some stuff. Oh, look mom sent cookies” James said reaching in the box.

Remus was so caught up admiring James’s eagle he didn’t notice his family owl until it nipped at his hand.

“Sorry Toffee” He said taking the letter from the little burrowing owl. He ruffled her feathers and gave one cautious look at James shoulder where his owl was now swallowing a whole boiled egg before taking off again.

Remus opened his letter.

Son,

I hope all went well on your way to Hogwarts. Your mother and I are already missing you terribly, as well as worrying about you. Last night we had Cottage pie only because it was your favourite meal, and your mother felt bad about not making you some before you left. She’s worried they might not feed you well enough so she’s planning on baking a bunch of things to send. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the Hogwarts house elves are probably the best cooks in Britain. I’ll have to wait to send the sweets until I go to Diagon alley, since muggle post won’t reach you and I will need to borrow a heftier owl. I would have sent some, but poor Toffee wouldn’t have been able to make the journey.

The school has an owlery which you should be able to send letters through instead of having Toffee fly across the country. I’m sure your first day will be busy, but if you could take the time to write home today and let us know how you are doing it would make both me and your mother feel better.

Study hard and keep your head down,

Dad

Remus smiled at the letter. He missed his parents too and appreciated the letter. He made a note to visits the owlery before the end of the day to tell his parents where he was sorted.

“Do you know how to use the muggle post?” James asked. Remus turned to see him looking over his shoulder. He quickly folded the letter and put it away.

“Ya, I use to send my grandmother letters all the time until she died. A little slower than owl post though.”

“That’s so cool. So how do stamps work then?” James asked with wide eyes and apparent interest. It was now Lily’s turn to snort in laughter. James shrank a bit at the laughing. Sirius chose then to but in and save James from further embarrassment.

“Given me a cookie Potter” Sirius said getting up and leaning across the table to reach for the box James was going through and putting in his bag.

“No! You Freeloader!”

Remus moved over a little just like Lily to avoid the fighting that ensued, where Sirius grabbed the box and James tried to wrestle it back.

“I feel sorry that you have to live with them” Lily said to him.

Remus smiled and was about to say that they weren’t that bad when a stray owl flew over them and dropped a red scarlet envelope in between James and Sirius. They both stopped moving immediately looking at it frightened. Everyone around them also stopped and stared at the letter too.

Neither James or Sirius reached out to pick it up both acting like any quick. Movements might make it explode. Remus leaned over to see in emerald green ink the name on the front in large cursive letter.

Sirius Arcturus Black III

“You better run mate” A redhead beside James said. His twin brother across the table nodded.

“What is it?” Lily asked. Remus too was wondering the same thing.

Then the letter started steaming violently.

“Too late” James said backing away from the letter. Sirius too sat down leaned away. The letter exploded with a thunderous bang scorching the table. Then a voice boomed around the hall making all the other students who hadn’t notice the letter stop and turn to see the commotion.

“SIRIUS BLACK! HOW DARE YOU BRING HUMILIATION UPON THE NOBEL HOUSE FOR WHICH YOU REPRESENT. CONSORTING WITH MUDBLOODS AND TRAITORS! YOU HAVE BROUGHT BOTH ME AND YOUR FATHER TO SHAME, YOUR ANCESTORS SHALL ROLL IN THEIR GRAVES!” Sirius kept a blank face but continued to stare down at the black burnt mark on the table where the letter was emanating sound. His eyes lost all the sparkle they had just moments ago, instead becoming grey haze. The voice was shrill with a thick French accent similar to Sirius’s, but this was posher. It out like thundering and making his ears ring with pain.

"YOU WLL FIX THIS EMBARESSMENT IMMDEIDALTY OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!”

And with that final note the hall fell silent. Sirius stayed still and everyone kept watching him.

“All right you lot mind your beeswax” One of the redhead twins said out loud scolding everyone watching. Slowly people went back to their breakfasts.

“Alright mate” James asked quietly.

Sirius shook his head as if coming out of a trance.

“Ya. Of course.” He said sounding as if nothing had happened. “Lovely women my mother, real charmer” Sirius joked. James made a little snort of laughter which was what Sirius must have been going for because he began reaching for the cookies again.

Remus felt a little off. He had only heard about how some pureblood families were prejudice, but he thought Sirius might not have been from one of those families. He was so nice, maybe he didn’t know he was a half blood. But then again Sirius didn’t sound like he agreed with his family the way he just joked about his mom. Remus thought he would just wait and see how the day went with Sirius now knowing he was probably a half blood with James asking about the muggle post.

McGonagall was now going around handing out schedules down the Gryffindor table. Remus looked around.

“Where Peter?”

“Damn. I know we forgot something” James said standing up with Sirius and heading out of the hall.

Peter

The first day of classes had gone slowly. The first class they had was charms. Professor Flitwick was a short man with a high pitch voice and a goldfinch for a daemon talked for a bit then set them up to practice levitation feathers. This meant that they could talk with each other for most of the class.

This seemed to both be a blessing and a curse. The blessing was that everyone was so occupied with their own little groups they didn’t notice that Peter wasn’t able to even make his feather twitch. The downside was that everyone was talking about one thing. The howler Sirius Black had gotten. The story James and Sirius had told him when they woke him up hadn’t been complete, but from the rumours he was overhearing he didn’t blame Sirius for not wanting to talk about it.

Sirius however seemed bothered about the howler, he only seemed worried about one particular thing.

“They all think I’m some sort of loony blood purists now” Sirius said glaring at two Ravenclaw girls who were whispering behind them while looking over at Sirius. When James looked back at them and narrowed his eyes, they stopped whispering

“Forget them.” James said turning back to his feather and making it soar up effortlessly. James and Sirius both got the spell on the first try. Remus had taken a few tries but had eventually got it.

Peter turned back to his feather and tired again. Nothing.

“Here” Remus said reaching out and getting his attention. “Try a more flicking wrist thing. Like this”

Remus demonstrated. He tried again using Remus’s movement. The feather in front of him twitched up but didn’t get very far.

“More flick, less swish”

Peter tried again and felt the magic move out from his arm to his wand. The feather raised a little bit up to eye level and slowly fell back down.

“Amazing work Mr. Pettigrew” Professor Flitwick said coming over to check on everyone.

The rest of the day was uneventful. In Herbology they just went over safety rules. Most of which James and Sirius did not pay attention for. They spent most of the class secretly levitating potting soil into some blonde Hufflepuffs school bag. When the boy went to reach for his notebook to write down the readings for next class, the boy was pissed but couldn’t find the culprit. It took everything for them not to burst out laughing when he went to open his quill case to find that also filled with soil.

“Beautiful touch with the quill case Black” James aid as they headed to lunch.

After lunch was a double period of History of Magic. After the initial shock of Professor Binns who to their surprise was a ghost coming out of the chalk board the lesson got boring. Binns droned on reading from his notes about some sort of Goblin legislator formed on the 1600’s and most of the class fell off to sleep within the first hour. Eventually James was full on sleeping. Sirius was playing tic tac toe lazily with him on a spare bit of parchment. The girls sitting in front of them were braiding their hair and drawing doodles on their notes. The only person who seemed to be listening was Remus, who was diligently listening and taking notes.

By the time diner time arrived Peter was exhausted. Thankfully the amazing smell of the food in the hall woke him right up. Aspecta even ended her long nap and crawled out of his pocket landing on the floor as a racoon before getting up beside him at the table.

The girls also came to join them for dinner.

There was Marlene McKinnon and her Squirrel daemon Avita, Mary McDonald and her ginger cat daemon Wholright, Dorcas Meadowes and her snail daemon Reunter, and Lily Evans, who Peter remembered from the train. Lily didn’t seem happy to sit with them but followed her friends anyway. She however sat beside Remus as far from James and Sirius as she could, and only talked to him for the duration of the meal.

It wasn’t until desert something interesting happened. The greasy guy named Severus came over to their table and tapped Lily on the shoulder. He had a straight face on but Peter could feel the contempt coming off of him being this close to James and Sirius, who he kept shooting angry glances at. Thankfully they were both too engrossed in their conversation to even notice him.

“Hey Sev. What’s up? Sit down with us”

Severus looked at the group with disgust then shook his head.

“No thank you. I was actually wondering if you wanted to come to the owlery with me”

“Sure. Sounds fun I can send a letter to Tuney” She said standing up. Her butterfly flew around her head happily. “Remus don’t you have a letter to send as well”

Remus looked up too. “Oh yes. I’ll come with you.” Remus said standing up.

Severus gave him a look that said very clearly that Severus didn’t want Remus to come, but Lily smiled at Remus and him so Severus made a forced smile that disappeared as soon as Lily and Remus turned to head out.

“Ugh. He’s so creepy. No wonder he’s in Slytherin” James said beside him looking at where Remus, Lily and Severus had exited.

“Speaking of creepy Slytherins” Sirius said pointing over James’s shoulder to a blonde witch in Slytherin robes walking towards the Gryffindor table. She was slender and blonde, with perfect posture. She seemed to look down on everyone she walked by even though she couldn’t have been past 4th year herself. Her daemon was a pale white snake with red eyes that had wrapped itself tight around her neck like a scaly choker necklace.

“Who’s that” Peter asked.

“My bossy cousin”

She stopped in front of Sirius and cleared her throat. Sirius however rolled his eyes and went back to his pudding.

“What do you want Sissy?”

Sissy, the girl looked down at Sirius with a sympathetic look.

“Aunt Walburga has asked I talk to you in private. The girl said. She had the same French accent Sirius had, but it sounded softer and more polished like Sirius’s mom.

“Whatever the old bag has to say she can say it herself. She obviously has no problem telling the world”

“Sirius please. Don’t be a child”

“Whatever you have to say you can say it here”

“Sirius you know I can’t, now come along.” She turned gracefully her carefully braided hair whipping around her back as she walked away.

Sirius sighed dramatically then stood up.

“Duty calls apparently” He said sarcastically. “If I go missing, I leave noting to no one”, and with that he stalked off after the girl.

Sirius

Sirius was apathetic about whatever it was Sissy wanted, although he had a good idea what this was about. However, if his mom had contacted her it probably wasn’t good news. They wanted someone and Sissy loved being the bearer of bad news. She was always the goody two shoes, always tattling on him. She was even worse than Regulus.

When they got into the entryway Sissy led him towards the dungeons where it was quiet and no students were walking nearby. She put her hand on his arm and made Sirius walk alongside her. Maybe it would be a nice gesture if it wasn’t for what followed.

“Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion have asked me to pass on the families remedy to your…. Indiscretion.”

“Ya? and what’s that?” Sirius asked trying to keep the hostility out of his tone.

“That you will remain in Gryffindor only if you can agree not to consort with half bloods and mud bloods. Gryffindor is full of them, and you will not allow them to taint your reputation.”

“My reputation?”

“Yes, your reputation, because whether you like it or not you are the heir to the house of Black, and therefore what you do will reflect on the whole family”

“I don’t care about this stupid blood nonsense” Sirius said pulling away from Sissy feeling annoyed.

“It is not nonsense Sirius, It is very much the opposite. The Blacks are the most powerful of the sacred 28. What we do sets the course for the future of our families. We can’t let lesser wizards work their way into our ranks and taken it down, like a disease slowly killing the tree from the inside out.”

“What a load of ….”

“Sirius. This is not a joke, and this wasn’t a request. Uncle Orion was clear. You are not to consort with anyone who isn’t a pureblood. If other families saw the Black heir consorting with filth, they’ll think our family is weak. Andromeda and I are to make sure you listen, it’s not just your head on the chopping block Sirius.”

“Fine. Is that all” Sirius said now inpatient.

“Yes” Sissy said with a forced calm voice.

“Good” and with that Sirius stormed off.

James

“Mate, where were you?” James asked when he came into the dorm. Sirius was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. Fid was currently back to snake form, he wound around the bed post slithering up.

“I came right back up. Didn’t feel like finishing desert”

“Huh. Want to talk about it?” James said sitting down beside him on the bed. Bahadurr morphed into a kestrel and flew up onto the top of the bed and looked down at Fid head moving side to side regarding him.

“Just family stuff”

“Something tells me family stuff isn’t normal family stuff.”

Sirius just grunted in agreement. James laid back on the bed with him.

It was quiet for a bit. They both just listened to the sounds of the win blowing around the tower and the sound of people chattering down in the common room and in the stairwell.

“Sissy told me I wasn’t allowed to hang around muggle born and half blood. Said it would make the Blacks look weak or something.” Sirius said it low as if someone might overhear them even though they were alone in the room.

James just grunted out loud. He wasn’t surprised. He knew how most pureblood families thought. That was exactly the reason why his mother and father kept clear of them.

“It’s so stupid” Was all Sirius said after a long pause. James could tell Sirius was deep in thought. James waited a bit before speaking up.

“My dad says that wizards would be extinct if we didn’t marry muggles.”

James jumped up as Sirius started cackling like a mad man. James didn’t know what to do so he waited for Sirius to stop laughing and sat up beside him on the bed.

“I think your dad is right. Maybe my families too inbred to think properly. Either that or their heads are so far up their arses they can’t see past their gloomy manors and stuffy social groups”

“You know what I think.” James said and Sirius turned to him attentive to hear what James had to say. “I think bugger the lot of them. You’re a Gryffindor now.”

[torasteals]

Vanished

(1401 words)

Warning: Contains talk of physical abuse

“This was all we found of her,” Pepper said as he gently placed Baya’s daggers in Tora’s open hands. “You made em, so… figured you should have em.”

It was the first Pepper had spoken to Tora since they’d met, but Tora was too distracted to understand the significance of that. He stared, wide-eyed at the set of silver daggers clasped under his shaking fingers. The cold metal jangled in his palms as he counted them out: six total. There used to be seven. He’d know, he’d crafted each one, sculpted every intricate rose found on their hilts. They weren’t supposed to be his though, they were a gift. Yet here they were: dirtied, bloodied, and cradled awkwardly in his unfit hands. He felt tears threatening to burst.

Pepper, seeing the look on Tora’s face, gave him a nervous nod before hastily retreating back to the doorway he’d entered. He’d come in with two others: Claws and Onora, who stood as two solemn lumbering giants near the doorway to Claws’ workshop. They’d lost their headquarters, Baya’s home, to The Mute when she turned on the guild. Out of seemingly nowhere she’d emerged with a horde of undead rats and went right after Baya. The guild tried to fight her back, but… things went wrong? Tora could barely remember, he’d been fighting starvation and struggling to stay awake at the time. He’d just managed to escape the basement before it happened, and was too weak to do much beyond slowly nurse a loaf of bread. They’d had to carry him out when the guild fled - had it been Onora who carried him? Claws?

What little he did remember were the unnatural shrieks of those awful rats, the sounds of swords and pistols, heavy footsteps, the pealing laughter of Baya who had to be dragged away when they ran. He could hear The Mute’s words as they fled.

“You’re just another Court by a different name.”

They lost Zed in the fight.

Now they were here, using Claws’ workshop as a temporary headquarters -a large hollowed tree stump filled to the brim with odd tools and bits of metal. Apparently he’d been an engineer before the guild, and happened to still have the space. Baya always complained about it though -she hated the smell and the clutter. She wanted to fight to get back the headquarters, but no one would let her.

So they stayed here, trying to go about business as usual, but having to deal with constant attacks from The Mute on every raid they did. She killed Ebril, and made it very clear she was going to kill more of them. Then Baya and Darach went missing. It couldn’t have been The Mute but…

The rest of the guild rushed the trio at the doorway, bombarding them with questions.

“Is she-?”

“Dunno. S’all we found.”

“Did The Mute get ‘er?!”

“S’all we found.”

“And Darach? Didja find Darach?”

Tora’s stomach made an ugly twist at the name. It was one thing for Baya to vanish - she came and went as she pleased, but for her and Darach to disappear? For a week? It was suspicious to say the least, but to Tora it was much worse than that. He knew things the rest of the guild didn’t, horrible things Baya entrusted to him and no one else. The Mute wasn’t strong enough to harm Baya, there was no way, but Darach? He knew how dangerous Darach was, how possessive and cruel he could be. Baya told him everything. If they’d both disappeared, she was in danger. She might not even… Tora gripped the daggers in his hands till sap trickled from his fingers. He was too busy trying to breathe to notice the pain.

“THAT’S! ALL! WE! FOUND!!” Claws slammed his fist on the door to emphasize each word, the studded gauntlet he wore protesting with each strike. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?! WE LOOKED FOR THREE DAYS! THEY’RE GONE!”

The room fell silent as Claws shook from head to toe with raged frustration. Pepper, a mere twig next to the muscular husks of Claws and Onora, shrunk behind Onora till her bushy hair nearly swallowed him. She sighed and gave him a pitiful look.

“Ya gave him the knives, ya?”

Pepper swallowed and scratched nervously at the scars over his missing right eye, “Y-yeah.”

“Then that’s it then.”

“Wha-? That’s it?! C’mon now!” An incredulous voice boomed from the small gathering, and a large portly plant, with impossibly greasy vines for hair, made his way to the front. He shoved a few people aside to get there. “We don’t get nuthin’ more than that?! This is BAYA we’re talkin’ bout! She don’t jus’ make to disappear!”

Claws turned on the plant with a glare, “I already told you, Birr! THAT’S ALL WE FOUND!”

“So ya jus’ gave up?!”

The two began bickering while Onora sighed and played absentmindedly with her hair. The rest of the guild shrunk back, letting the two argue for what felt like ages. And Tora?

“Well, did YOU want his shitty knives?” Claws snarled.

“No one wants his stupid fuckin’ knives!” Birr spat back. “We want answers, ya fuck!”

“Where is he anyway?” Onora offered casually.

They stopped and looked back in unison to Tora’s usual corner near the back of the room.

Tora was gone.

He’d left shortly after Claws first started shouting, climbing his way out the back window with whatever he could grab unnoticed on his way out. A few pocketed coins from Needles and Sheridan, a vial of poison off Blaine, a loaf of bread off one of the worktables and he was gone. He was done mourning, or rather he didn’t have time to. Claws’ angry cries had snapped Tora back to reality, and reality didn’t look good. Baya didn’t go anywhere without her daggers. If there was any clearer a sign she wasn’t coming back, it was the fact that they now stood in Tora’s hands instead of hers. She wasn’t coming back, and that meant Tora had to leave. Now.

He made his way back to his pod home back on the Weeping Isle, hoping it’d be awhile before his guild realized he was gone. Not that he could stay there long, he had to pack what he could run with and go.

While he scrambled about the pod, shovelling clothes and trinkets into a leather bag, it struck him for a moment just what he was doing and he paused. It was a long ugly pause as he finally admitted something he’d known for awhile but wouldn’t let himself think.

I don’t trust my guild.

And he didn’t, he really didn’t. Without Baya around he didn’t even feel safe around most of them. Why would he? Many were pretty open about their scorn towards him, snarling at him when Baya didn’t see, and threatening him when she couldn’t hear. He knew full well the things they wanted to do to him, saw the hungry looks in their eyes when he passed by. He’d skipped the gruesome rites of passage most had to do to join the guild by Baya’s graces, and many resented him for it. They resented him more for not talking even though he… he couldn’t.

If he was honest with himself, he’d known for awhile how ready they were to hurt him, and Baya’s absence made that all the clearer. She’d been missing only a week but it was enough. At first they’d kept their distance, wary of what Baya would do if they laid a finger on him. As the days dragged on however, he found them searching for him, making grabs and sneers when they found him. Birr especially got more and more brazen, to the point where he’d once pinned Tora to a wall, spouting off a long list of horrid things he wanted to do to him. If Pepper hadn’t interrupted him… Tora shuddered, and closed up his bag.

If he stayed they’d torture him in every way they could think of.

He wasn’t going to let them.

Tora exited out the back of the pod, leaving the indoor flowers blooming bright to make it seem like he was still home. It would be a short distraction, but hopefully enough. He dusted off his coat, gave a quick glance at his surroundings, then vanished into the night with barely a sound.

<<First Story <Prev Story | Episode List | Next Story>

NEW READERS || PATREON

[crapitskizaru]

Partner with an incurable disease: The Supernovas Edition

Hi! It's me again! I really enjoy your blog ❤ thanks for making me squeal everytime I log in to Tumblr ❤ By the way, I have something to ask again! Can you do a h/c where Luffy, Law, Zoro, X-Drake, Bonney, Hawkins, Kidd, Killer, Apoo, Urogue and Capone (basically Supernovas) react to finding out their s/o with a terminal disease? Like, its an incurable one? (coz I'm an evil brat, sorry not sorry, mwahaha) that even Law's ability can't do shit? I hope this is not too much! Have a nice day dear!

Warning: angst af and a rather long post ahead

Monkey D. Fluffy 

“I don’t care, I’m not going to let you die!” 

we all know he’d never accept this, and try to prevent the inevitable, even if he’s not really sure what to do and which medications he should seek for

Luffy wouldn’t really try to dig into the reason for his partner’s condition, he just needs a simple task that he can follow in order for them to survive

and when they don’t, even despite the boy’s pure intentions, he feels just as if he lost Ace for the second time 

it would take a long time, and a lot of support from the Strawhats for the boy to get over it

Trafalgar Law 

“I’m a doctor. You’re not leaving me, (Name)-ya. Not on my watch.”

but after all the check-ups and tests, deep down he knows there’s nothing to prevent their death, and that no matter how much he tries, the end result with always be the same 

with this realization, he’d also lose his sense of purpose and all the goals that he wanted to achieve 

“If you die...What else would be left in this world for me?” 

so the man watches as life slowly leaves his partner’s body and soul with numb resignation, and would remain the same after their death 

his crew would be the one to lift him up somehow, but it wouldn’t be enough for sure 

he gets even more bitter, even more distant and empty, but I think he’d carry on until he either becomes the Pirate King or helps Luffy in becoming one 

and after that, he feels like he can finally let it all go and indulge into his sadness, since there’s nothing else left for him to do

Roronoa Zoro 

“How long do we have left?”

as much as he despises the sheer idea of it, he’d try to accept the facts and make peace with them, the sooner the better 

wants to spend the whole time with them, not even necessarily talking, just simply being together and enjoying the simplest things about life

he wouldn’t talk much, if not at all, trying to remember every detail of their face, the tone of their voice and the manner in which they talk, to have something to remember 

his coping mechanism involves spending his entire time training, exercising, getting stronger, to make sure he won’t fail his captain the same way he failed his partner

since, in his heart, he feels like it’s his fault they died, and that he could have done something to prevent it 

Drake the T-rex 

“No, please.”

he wants to cherish every moment he spends with his partner, whether on simple conversations, making promises, or staring off at the open ocean 

makes sure they see as many wonders of the world as possible, that they are in their happiest state with no regrets 

“That’s the least I can do for you.” 

at night, when he holds them in his arms and listens to their calm breathing, he can’t help but shed a few tears, knowing that there’ll come a day when they won’t be around anymore, that he won’t be able to get their advice or simply trust anyone with his fears 

as their body gets close to giving up, the man shifts into his most vulnerable state and sheer frustration 

since he sees the only person who gives him hope, and who he can confide in, literally dying in front of his eyes and there’s nothing he can do 

i don’t think he’d ever be able to form a relationship with anyone anymore, not after something like this 

Jewelry Bonney 

“No. No, you’re not.” 

whenever she sees her partner, feels their touch, holds them in her arms, or simply hears them talk, she can’t help but burst into tears 

“Tell me what to do. Tell me and I’ll do it.” 

she’d seek for a cure, all the way till the end, so that she will be able to say that she’s done everything in her power to help them 

would spend a lot of time either hugging them, or relishing in their closeness in their calming embrace 

wants to remember all the little things about them - the way they smelled, talked and their daily habits 

also keeps their personal items in a closed box on the  shelf, so that she’ll be able to remember all those details, even years later 

she’s secretly afraid that, after some time passes, she won’t be able to conjure up the contours of their face and how they looked, it’s just terrifying 

Basil Hawkins

“Wait for me up there.” 

I think he’d be most at peace with it, out of all those rebels

he might have even predicted it? so that, when his partner confessed, he already knew all about it 

the man may be caught on tenderly caressing their cheek or hair while they’re asleep, telling them all about his plans and goals for the future that he’d normally never reveal, to anyone

he wants them to know just how much trust he puts in them, and that he won’t hold any secrets from them 

also, would want to hear all about their own ambitions and unfulfilled dreams, so that, once they let it all out, they’ll be able to die cleansed, with dignity 

after their death, Hawkins won’t let his goals out of sight, but would secretly wait to join his lover, and try to predict the moment of his own death

Eustass Kid

"What are you talking about? Don’t fucking lie.” 

mostly denial, mixed with pure rage and frustration 

would probably take it all out on his ship’s doctor, and even his lover couldn’t reason with him on this 

all the time that they have left, Kid spends on circling around getting himself hammered and carrying out slaughters, since his blood lust is getting unbearable and he can’t restrict it anymore

it gets even worse when his lover dies, and he gets the news while coming back to the ship while drunk out of his mind 

the regret would be literally eating him alive, but it’s his rage that won’t let him lose himself in the sorrows 

his idea of making it up for his partner is becoming as strong as possible and getting the title of the Pirate King 

after their death, he won’t recall the times they’ve spent together much, since he doesn’t want to weaken himself, and he’s aware that it can bring him down to rock bottom 

but, during the nights, he does it nonetheless, he’s not able to stop and, what’s worse, forgive himself, even in a million years 

Killer 

“There must be something that I can do.” 

he wants to help, he wants to cure them, to prevent it somehow, or at least drag it out in time for as long as possible 

their alone moments would be filled with anxiety and pure sorrow, at least until Killer realizes that’s not how he wants to spend their last moments 

he starts to talk, a lot, and envelops them with his arms whenever they’re together, breathing in their scent and trying to imprint it in his memories

above all, the man wants them to pass away with dignity and in his embrace, doesn’t matter how hard it’ll be for him, their comfort is the number one priority 

i don’t think he’d seek for any other partners after their death, it feels like a wrong thing to do for him

Apoo

“I know what to do.”

acts like he indeed has it under complete control, to give his partner the feeling of safety

would want them to cherish and have fun in every moment - whatever they like, he’s there to supply them with his music, since it’s the most heartfelt thing he can give them 

the man hides his sorrow very well, and directs his focus towards his lover, and his lover only

also makes sure they’ve seen all, or most of what there in the world to see - he can’t imagine dying without having the sense of fulfillment 

Apoo would prefer them to pass away in his arms, listening to his farewell song and staring off at the ocean’s horizon, because that’s what he’d like to see in his last moments 

Capone Bege

“I’ll take care of our child, my dear.”

if his dearest wife ever died, the man would be devastated, going through all of the stages of sorrow, and then mourning 

meaning, he’d eventually move on and try to raise their kid as well as he can, while conjuring up the memory of his wife as often as possible 

when watching her slowly passing away, he makes sure they spend their moments together, as a family, and he tries to bury his anger and frustration deeply, so that she won’t have anything to be upset with 

he’s a tender man, he wouldn’t hide his tears in front of his child, he wants them to see how important his wife was, and how cruel life can turn out to be sometimes 

Urouge

“What am I supposed to do when you’re gone?” 

he strongly believes in fate, but this would be the kind of situation when he desperately tries to avoid/change it, seeking out for a cure 

upon failing, the man blames himself the most, not even bothering to hide his tears while spending the last moments holding his partner in his arms 

he wants to know all about their unfulfilled dreams, goals and aims in life, so that maybe, one day, he’d be able to turn them into reality, in their memory 

Urouge also keeps all their personal things in his room, getting sentimental whenever his eyes land on one of those 

would eventually move on, and only find a new love if fate brings it to him, he doesn’t look for one on his own 

[thatchick147]

Okay y’all

I’ve finally got a good solid reason as to why I dislike Steve’s ending in Endgame.

All of Steve’s MCU character arc was for/because of Bucky. All three movies included Bucky intensely, so much so that he’s like half of each movies plot points or major screen time.

So first avenger: he may not have enlisted for Bucky per say but it definitely didn’t help that his best friend (ON SCHOOL YARD AND BATTLE FIELD) is going away to fight the big bad, and Steve can’t do anything about that. So Bucky goes away and Steve gets to do the super soldier thing. He’s a chorus girl for a while UNTIL he finds out his best friend is trapped behind enemy lines. Now don’t get me wrong Steve might’ve gone if it was just some random troupe but it wasn’t. It was Bucky’s. So with the help of the woman he admires (and has known for maybe a year, and that’s being generous) he goes in alone to save Bucky, not knowing if he’s alive or not. Then he proceeds to ask Bucky to join his boy band, and he does because Steve saved him and he has to protect his brother. THEN Bucky falls from the train and “dies” Steve blames himself and clearly struggles with the loss of his last family member and long time friend. One of his only friends. This no doubt leads him to his final decision to die for his country. His best friend is dead, his family is dead, and the only thing he’s got is a woman he barely knows. So he sacrifices himself for his country and “dies” on his terms.

Winter soldier: this whole fucking movie is named after Bucky. Though we don’t know that at the beginning. Steve is struggling with living in the modern world, he finds a friend in Sam and then Natasha. He’s struggling with the truth of today’s world, and how he didn’t really leave a better world behind. Yes he visits Peggy’s video in the museum but he also stands and sees his best friend’s memorial, obviously still mourning. He can see Peggy though, he can get proper closure and for the most part he has it. She says she wants him to live his life. Then things happen and he finds out Bucky is still alive. He goes into shock at first, and then later telling Sam he wouldn’t stop Bucky. Implying to Sam he’d rather die by Bucky than hurt his friend who he just got back, because in Steve’s own words “even when I had nothing I had Bucky.” Then his big battle happens with Bucky, and he only messes up his pal to help the greater good. After that he disarms himself against a CLEARLY hostile person who continues to attack and say he doesn’t know him. Steve has faith in his friend though, “you’re my friend” and “than finish it, cause I’m with ya till the end of the line,” he’s willing to DIE so Bucky can finish this, he won’t give up on his friend, then after all is said and done. He could’ve let it go, just stayed visiting Peggy and doing whatever else he does, but he insists on looking for Bucky. (And that file has a picture the size of a compass, just saying)

Now civil war: another movie heavily pointed at Steve’s relationship (friendship, romance, whatever you want) with Bucky. The avengers are disagreeing on the accords and then Bucky gets dragged into it. Steve could let the government handle it, let Tony deal with it, but no. He steps in, breaking the law to protect and defend his oldest friend who has actively hidden from him. Who is running from him, but Steve still sticks around. Ruining his other relationships (Tony, vision, Rhodey) also putting his friendship with Nat in jeopardy. Then he proceeds to put his other friends in danger to help Bucky, yes its to stop other soldiers, but Steve doesn’t even know if they’re real. He has blind faith in Bucky and he’s willing to put his new friends in prison to deal with this problem. Bucky is a wanted man, Steve had to fight him as the winter soldier when Zemo triggered him. Steve knows that Bucky has dark stuff and could kill him. Almost did! But he still puts everything else on hold for Bucky.

So the Russo brother trying to sell me this bs about how Steve is still so in love with Peggy that he’d leave not only Sam, but his oldest friend that he went through hell and high water with and to get back? I’m sorry but that’s not what I believe would’ve happened. You think that after everything they’ve been through since they were KIDS, suddenly means nothing compared to a woman Steve got to know for maybe 10 years in total? In the war and after he woke up? But Bucky, one of the two reasons he wants to unsnap the universe is getting left behind for a dance? Bad call Russo’s. bad call.

Btw this isn’t me hating, I accept it happened but I just want to put it out there that there wasn’t a really solid justification for it to happen and for me I wish it’d ended differently.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

I can't be with you tonight

this is my story from the angst off last night hehe

this was my first death fic and it didn't turn out too bad

__________

ship: ralbert

genre: angst no happy ending

warnings: death, dying, pain, physical injury, mourning

word count: 2949

editing: sorta

___________

Race was walking back from the Sheepshead when he heard shouts coming from a newby alley. Hesitantly, he approached the opening and peeked in.

Race’s stomach dropped out from him. Albert was shoved against the wall of the alley, his lip and nose bleeding, trying desperately to hold his own against Oscar and Morris, who were approaching him menacingly. Morris had his knife out.

Race threw down his paper bag running toward them. “HEY! LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

Oscar and Morris turned around at the sound of Race’s voice, mischievous smiles playing on their faces. “Is this your little boyfriend, Dasilva? Has he come to save you?” Oscar teased.

Albert ignored him. “Race! What are you doing? Get out of here!”

Race shook his head, biting back tears as he approached the Delanceys. “Not without you!”

Morris gave him a sickenly sweet smile. “Good luck with that,” he snarled, slashing his knife blindly behind him into Albert’s stomach before grabbing his brother and running out of the alley.

Albert’s eyes flew open wide with shock and for one painful moment he made direct eye contact with Race, blood dripping from his shirt onto the dirty street before he collapsed.

“Albie, oh my god, Albie,” Race mumbled as he ran toward his fallen boyfriend on shaky legs. Albert was slumped against the wall, practically choking on his breath, eyelids fluttering dangerously, one hand partially obscuring the gaping wound in his stomach.

“Hey, hey, baby,” Race rambled, tears dripping down his cheeks. Albert wasn't going to make it. There was too much blood. He was breathing all wrong. They were too far from the house. But he had to try, he had to at least try. “Look at me, look at me, right at me. It’s gonna be okay, everything is going to be okay. I’m gonna get you back to the lodge, Mush is gonna fix you up. Just stay with me, baby, please.” He slid his arms around Albert, trying to lift him.

“No, no, ‘ace,” Albert slurred, wiggling out of Race’s grip. “‘S no use.”

“No, baby, its gonna be okay, i promise, just let me get you-”

“‘S not,” Albert said gently, opening his eyes all the way to look up at Race’s tear stricken face. “‘S okay, don’ cry, I ‘ad a good life, I go’ t’ be wit’ you.”

Race pulled Alberts head into his lap, one hand combing gently through his hair and the other firmly grasping Albert’s hand. “I know, I just wish we had more time.”

Albert gave him a pained smile. “We ‘ad all th’ ‘ime we needed.”

Race sniffled as a fresh round of tears filled his eyes. Even in the shadow of death, Albert still managed to be poetic. “I don't know what I’m going to do without you, Albie,” Race sobbed, leaning his head down on Albert’s shoulder. “You’re my everything. Who’s gonna steal my cigars in the morning? Who’s gonna make jokes with me at the gate? Who am I gonna cuddle with after a long day?” Race’s voice cracked as he fisted his hands in Albert’s hair.

“Shhhhh,” Albert whispered, draping one of his arms around Race’s back, he lacked the energy to provide any other comfort. “You’re gonna be fine, ‘ace. Jus’ keep goin’. Don’ cry when ‘m gone. Don’ let me stop you from livin’. ‘ou ‘till b’long ‘ere. Don’ try t’ follow me.”

Race nodded into Albert’s shoulder. What had he done to deserve him? And how was it that he was about to lose him?

Albert shifted, groaning in pain, and Race quickly sat up, murmuring reassurances. Albert reached up and, with some difficulty, removed his hat, letting his red hair spill into Race’s lap. Then he motioned for Race to lean down, and removed Race’s hat, putting his own in its place. “‘ere,” he mumbled, staring up at Race with tears in his eyes, “somethin’ t’ remember me by.”

Race quickly leaned down pressing a kiss to Albert’s lips, which he returned with desperation, suddenly very aware that this would be their last kiss. Fresh tears sprung into Race’s eyes at the thought. “As if I could ever forget you.”

Albert smiled, but it turned into a painful cough, wracking his weak body with sharp movements, blood splattering onto his lips.

“Shhhhh, shhh its okay, its okay,” Race soothed, rubbing Albert’s shoulder and squeezing his hand gently. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Te- tell th’ boys I love ‘em,” Albert rasped, his breathing now more irregular, “an’ not t’ miss me too much. An’ all my stuff, me shirts an’ stuff in m’ bunk, I want ya t’ ‘ave ‘em, ‘ace.”

“No, no, I couldn't.” Race continued to rub circles into Albert’s shoulder.

“Please, ‘ace?” Albert asked and Race couldn't say no to the desperation in his eyes. He nodded his head in confirmation.

Albert’s body was seized by another coughing fit, this one much more violent and intense. His eyes blinked closed several times, making Race’s heart clench. “C’mon, baby, look at me, one last time.”

At the sound of Race’s pleading voice, Albert’s eyes blinked open halfway and he gently squeezed Race’s hand. “I love ya, ‘tonio, don’ firget ‘t,” he mumbled in his barely there voice.

Race leaned down close to Albert, thumbing his fingers through his hair soothingly. “I love you too, Albie. So, so much.”

Albert gave Race one last smile before his eyes fluttered shut and the grip on Race’s hand released.

•••

Race jolted awake with a start, wiping away his tears and forcing himself to take a few deep breaths before dragging himself out of bed and towards the window. Almost as an afterthought, he grabbed Albert’s hat from the end of his bed.

Race climbed up the ladder to the roof to where he knew Jack was sleeping. Crutchie had opted to sleep inside tonight.

Jack was leaning against the rail, looking out over the city. Race wordlessly wandered over and joined him, his hands toying with the hat in his hands.

After a few minutes, Jack spoke up. “You had the nightmare again?”

“Yeah,” Race whispered. “I don't understand, Jackie, it’s been almost a year, why does it still happen? Why do I have to relive it every night?”

“I don't know, Racer,” Jack sighed, leaning over to place his hand on Race’s.

“It just makes it worse,” Race continued. “I know he’s gone. I know he’s not coming back. And then, every night I see the whole thing happen again. And then I wake up, and expect it to be a dream, that he’ll be there any second to reassure me that everything’s going to be okay, that he’s okay, but he’s not, Jack. He’s gone. He’s never coming back.” His voice cracked on the last word and he bowed his head in defeat, the cool New York air biting at his his tear stained cheeks.

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Jack sighed, putting an arm around Race’s shoulders, holding him gently. Race tensed at first, he didn't like people touching him that much anymore, but then he relaxed into Jack’s embrace.

“I didn't try hard enough to save him,” Race sighed. “I could have brought him back here, we could have at least tried.”

“No, Race,” Jack said gently. “You did what he wanted. You made him comfortable. He just wanted to be with you one last time, and you gave him that.”

“I guess,” Race sighed. “Everything just feels so pointless without him here anymore.”

“He wanted you to keep living, right? That's what you told me?” Jack asked softly.

Race closed his eyes, reciting the words he had told him from memory. “You’re going to be fine, Race. Just keep going. Don’t cry when I’m gone. Don’t let me stop you from living. You still belong here. Don't try to follow me.”

“See,” Jack soothed, “He wants you here. You've done a great job, Race. I don't think I could have been as strong as you've been this past year.”

“It’s so hard though,” Race whispered. “I just want one more day with him. Is that too much to ask?”

Jack rubbed Race’s arms comfortingly. “Sometimes, the universe is a cruel place. You’ll see him again one day. I promise.”

•••

“One day” turned out to be a lot closer than Race had expected. About a month later, he was thrown in the refuge for stealing an apple from a street vendor. It wasn't his fault, he had been hungry and selling had been tough the last year without his partner in crime.

Snyder had locked Race in one of the basement rooms and beat him for mouthing off to a guard. Not that he really cared. He hadn’t cared about what happened to him in almost a year. He didn't have a boyfriend to come home to anymore, so what did it matter. He did stupid stuff, mouthed off to people, got in fights, and this time it had cost him.

Race groaned in pain, his ribs screaming from being kicked down the stairs, his back on fire from the lashes he’d received, and his leg was beginning to go numb, which he didn't think was a good sign. Race tried to keep his eyes open, but the darkness called out to him and it sounded so appealing that he allowed himself to slip away.

•••

When Race awoke he was laying on something - no wait, someone. There was a hand comfortingly stroking his hair and Race leaned into it, sighing in satisfaction. The pain was still there, but it was much duller than before, barely an ache and disappearing by the second.

“Dammit, Tonio,” a voice said from above him. “Everything was just starting to get better, and then you do this?”

Race sucked in a sharp breath. He’d know that annoyed voice anywhere. But, it couldn't be…

“Albie?” Race spoke the name of his boyfriend for the first time in a year, it felt foreign on his lips and his voice cracked, almost as if he had forgotten what it was like to be someone’s everything.

“Yes, Race, I’m here,” Albert said soothingly.

Race hesitantly opened his eyes, crying tears of happiness when he saw Albert’s face above him. He looked just as Race remembered, messy reddish hair, warm brown eyes, lightly freckled skin, glorious smile. He was wearing the same clothes as the last time Race had seen him, less the hat, which was firmly jammed on Race’s head. He even smelled the same, like freshly printed papers, and new york city, and lingering cigar smoke.

“I- but- you’re, you’re dead,” Race stuttered. “Does that mean I’m dead too?”

“Not quite yet,” Albert said, running his hand gently over Race’s face. “You’re getting there, though.”

Race lifted himself up slightly, looking around. “Where are we? This isn’t the refuge.”

Albert pushed him gently back down so his head was resting in his lap once again. “Shhh, stay down, okay? You’re hurt real bad, don't want it to get worse.” He paused. “We’re on the roof of the lodging house. I usually hang around you guys, its where I’m the strongest.”

“What do you mean?” Race asked, picking up Albert’s hand and holding it tightly. The pain in his back was beginning to return and he needed something to hold onto.

Albert gave him a soft smile. “I’m still around Race. I follow you when you go out selling every day, I’m standing right next to you when you're betting at the Sheepshead, I sleep next to you in the lodge every night. I’m always there when you wake up from that nightmare. And I wish I could comfort you, I really do,” he paused, sniffling, “It’s so hard to see you in pain, because of me.”

“You didn't do anything wrong, Al,” Race whispered. “Don't beat yourself up over this.”

Albert smiled slightly. “I told you not to cry over me when I was gone. And you still did.”

Race felt tears coming on. “It was hard not to, you were my everything. Heck, you still are my everything.”

“I know, I know,” Albert sighed. “But you were doing so good, Racey. So, so good. And then this happened. I told you to keep living, right?”

Race squeezed Albert’s hand tightly, repeating the words from that fateful day. “You’re going to be fine, Race. Just keep going. Don’t cry when I’m gone. Don’t let me stop you from living. You still belong here. Don't try to follow me.”

“And look, you tried to follow me,” Albert paused. “You never used to be that careless Race, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” Race winced, more pain shooting through his back and across his ribs.

Albert noticed immediately. “Baby? What is it? Talk to me, Tonio.” He stared at Race with a look of concern.

“Hurts,” Race said through gritted teeth.

Albert looked at him sadly before getting a far off expression on his face. “Jack’s pulling you out from the refuge,” he whispered.

“What?” Race’s face contorted in pain as he shifted in Albert’s lap.

“In the real world,” Albert looked down at Race, “Jack just rescued you from the refuge. He’s bringing you back to the house right now. If- if you're feeling pain, that means that you're going to make it.”

“What does that mean?” Race asked shakily, needing to hear it from Albert.

“You can’t stay here with me,” Albert whispered, his eyes filling with tears. “You have to back.”

Race felt his own tears spilling over. “But I wanna stay here with you,” he protested. “I just got you back, I can’t lose you again.”

“Shhhhhh,” Albert soothed, leaning down and pressing a gently kiss to Race’s lips. Race kissed him back desperately, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips, the way he tasted, everything. “You're getting a second chance, Antonio,” Albert whispered. “Aren’t you happy?”

“No,” Race wheezed, the pain was really setting in now. “I want to be with you. I can’t be without you, Albie. It nearly killed me when you died. I had to carry you back to the house, I had to explain to the boys what happened. I had to go to bed that night, knowing that you wouldn’t be there when I woke up. I had to keep living without my second half. I can’t go through that again, Albie. Let me stay with you, please,” he begged, clutching Albert’s hand as if he might disappear any second, which judging from his flickering, fading image was a high possibility.

“Tonio, listen to me, baby,” Albert said softly, tears clogging his voice. “You belong on Earth, living. You mean so much to all those boys down there, they’re all so worried about you. I can see it right now, Jack just put you on your bunk, Mush is pulling off you shirt, starting to clean your back. He’s crying. Romeo is hovering by the corner, and Specs is holding him back from jumping on you. Behind him is JoJo and Blink and Henry and Tommy Boy and everyone else. They’re all trying to hold it together. Elmer just ran out to go get Davey. They care about you, baby, they really do. They’ve already lost me, I don't want them to lose you too.”

“But I don't want to lose you,” Race sobbed. “Can’t I just have five more minutes? Is that too much to ask?”

Albert looked at him sadly, shaking his head. “No, Tonio, you have to go back. Don't try to follow me again. You're going to have a nice, long life. Don't rush it just to get back to me.”

Race’s vision blurred from his tears and the blinding pain that was becoming more intense every second. “Will I ever see you again?”

Albert nodded. “One day, I promise, Antonio, I’m not going anywhere.”

Race stared up at Albert’s fading image. “I don't want you to go,” he whispered in a pained, broken voice.

“Shhhhhh, just concentrate on living for me, okay baby?” Albert soothed, rubbing his hand through Races hair.

Race nodded weakly, his eyes began to flutter and he forced them to stay open.

“Tell the boys hello for me,” Albert whispered. “I love you, Antonio, don’t forget it.”

Race almost laughed at the irony as he stared up at the love of his life one final time. “I love you too, Albie,” he managed to choke out. “So, so much.” Then his eyes slipped closed.

•••

The next thing Race knew, he was laying on a soft bed, muted voices surrounding him. He let out a pained groan. Immediately, the voices subsided.

“Race?”

Race cracked open his eye to see Jack kneeling next to his bed, Mush, Romeo, Specs, Blink, JoJo, Henry, Elmer, Crutchie, Tommy Boy and Davey all standing behind him, holding their breath.

Tears were flooding Race’s eyes before he could even stop them and he shoved his head into his pillow, reaching one hand up blindly to feel for Albert’s cap which was still on his head.

“Whoa, hey, Race, its okay, you're okay, were at the lodge, everything's gonna be fine,” Jack soothed.

“I saw him, Jack” Race sobbed. “I saw Albert. He was okay. He talked to me. He-” Race gasped. “He sent me back here, told me to keep living.”

“Its okay, Race, its okay,” Jack rubbed his hand through Race’s hair.

Race let out another sob. Albert was wrong. He couldn't keep living without him. He wanted to be where Albert was. But he’d lost his chance. Now all he could do was wait and hope the wait wouldn’t be too long.

__________

I thrive off of other peoples pain hehehe

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

tag list

@fairly-awkward-trashcan

@well-the-kids-do-too

@racetrackcook

@bouncyscreamingnewsboys

@ughwaitwhat

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@ben-cook-can-cook

@the-woild-is-my-what-now

@elmer-s-s0cks

@voice-foundshoe-lost

@galaxy-trees13

@stopthe-presses

@ridin-in-style

@pinecovewoods

@imjusttheoutgoingsidekick

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing

@bencookisagod

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

@hellasoulless

@stellar-alpaca

@saxoph-ella

@smolcanadiangirl

@disney-princess-sized

@the-kool-aid-man-is-real

@the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog

@insane-tomato

@so-up-rolls-a-riot-van

@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn

@have-we-got-news-for-you

[iamgonesoseeya]

Short, sweet, to the point. Himari and Austin cuddling Jesse because Hanzo isn't home and something happened so he's emotional. Maybe some pupper fluff too (like the really cute thing dogs do where they paw at their owners or lay their heads in their lap).

He thought it best to not mention the significance of the date to Hanzo. It would only worry him if he did, and that was the last thing he wanted to do when it was already a tough day for him. Hanzo and Genji were spending the day out to mourn their father, and Jesse insisted he go and be with his brother. They couldn’t fly home so easily, so they were taking the time to visit their father’s favourite place in America. That left Jesse alone, pregnant with twins while looking the other two kids.

Jesse lay in bed most of the morning, snuggled up to his pillow, trying not to think about the one thing he couldn’t stop thinking about. For him, it was the anniversary of the last time he ever saw his family. Two decades had already passed– where had all the time gone?! There he was with a completely new family, and he couldn’t knock the guilt that festered no matter how hard he tried. It was like he was replacing them. Of course, he wasn’t, but the sentiment of nostalgia infecting him while hormones coursed his body did nothing to help him stay logical.

It wasn’t until he heard the door creak open that he sat up. At the door frame he saw Himari with Austin in her arms, helping him waddle through the bedroom before she threw him onto the foot of the bed and climbed up herself. Austin crawled through the tangled sheets till he was face first in Jesse’s chest, hands grabbing whatever they could.

“Daddy, you haven’t been up all morning,” Himari sat the other side of her brother and rested her hand tenderly on Jesse’s bump. “Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

Jesse laughed and ruffled her hair. “I’m okay, honeybee…it’s just a tough day for me, and your dad.”

Austin hummed, snuggling closer to Jesse as he curled himself around Jesse’s huge form. “Daddy.” He whispered. Jesse ran his hand through his hair, careful the metal of his prosthetic arm didn’t catch him, and pulled him in closer.

“Should I ring papa?” Himari asked, all the while rolling up Jesse’s pajama top to reveal the pale stretch of his abdomen. She was used to doing so, both from when he was pregnant with Austin and when she found out about the twins, and she loved poking into the hard mould of his bump to see the babies respond with a kick. She did just that, tapping lightly and smiling when the small outline of what she guessed was a hand poked out. 

“Nah, he needs his space.” Jesse took a breath then sighed. “You ever get sad there aint no grandparents to spoil ya like Torb does with his kid’s littlens?”

Himari raised a brow, looking over at Austin as if he could relate and then back to Jesse. “But Gabe always says to call him abuelo? And Ana acts like a grandma.” She sat up to take Jesse’s hand, cuddling it. “I have a bigger family than any of my class friends, I’m happy. Aren’t you?”

Jesse tutted, pulling her in closer to him along with Austin on the other side, squeezing them both so tight they let out an awkward yelp. “I am the happiest man in the world. I’m sorry, darlings, I guess I’m just a little emotional these days…”

Himari pushed out of his grasp slightly to think, and then whistled loudly out of the blue, no explanation. She sat with a smug grin on her face, and before Jesse could say anything, in came Cassidy tumbling over her own gangly limbs, jumping on the bed. Austin giggled as he grabbed for the fluffy friend, squealing with delight as she licked his cheek. Jesse gave her a gentle scratch under the chin, and she nuzzled into his touch, slowly lowering to rest on his bump like he was a table. 

They all stayed in bed for the remainder of the afternoon, cuddled up to one another, drifting in and out of sleep, until the phone rang. Himari sprang off to answer the phone, and sat back with Jesse to put it on speaker phone - Hanzo on the other end.

“Hi papa!” Himari said.

“Pa!” Austin joined in, giggling. He was snuggled up to Jesse’s belly, hugging it like it was one of his stuffed toys. Cassidy too on the same boat as she slept soundly between his legs. Jesse smiled as he took the device into his own hand. 

“I hope you are all alright. I just wanted to call to check up on you. Are you okay, Jesse?”

He thought about telling him the truth - the lingering sadness still lingering in his chest - but ultimately Jesse was okay– better than okay. He had the most wonderful family in the world, and no matter what his past held, there was an amazing future awaiting them with endless possibilities. He smiled and hugged Himari closer, her hands still massaging over the spot of his bump where the babies were most active.

“I’m great, sugar. I miss you, come home when you’re ready.”

[crazycatladyk]

Platform Partings (Hogwarts Mystery)

Emily was only four the first time she ran intentionally towards the magical brick wall that stood between the normal muggle train station and the mystical Platform 9 and 3/4.  She squeezed her eyes shut nervously and clung to her mother’s neck as the unforgiving surface rushed every close as the family raced forward together.  

She didn’t open her eyes again until Jacob’s laughing voice promised safety. She peered in wonder at the glimmering sheen off the red and black monstrosity before her.  The golden letters stamped across the side declared its destination boldly, Hogwarts Express.

She slipped out of her mother’s grip, drawn to the magical machine that would take her brother to a place she’d dreamed of from the moment he got his letter.  Emily would have toddled straight onto the tracks if Jacob hadn’t scooper her up in her arms.

“Where you goin, Em?” He asked with a laugh, and she swore the sun shone in his eyes. “You got a few years yet till you can join me.”  If his eyes held the sun, then in his smile was its comforting heat, like a warm fire on a cold day.  

“Come now, Jacob. You mustn’t miss the train.” Her father’s stiff voice was a cloud over the sun and Jacob lowered her to the ground, nodding farewell to their parents before pushing his trolley towards the train.

Faced with the cold truth of her brother’s retreating form, Emily began to sob and chased after him, slipping past her mother’s grasping hands. “Jake! Don’t leave me!”

The station was a hive of activity and she struggled to push through the crowd of people that towered over her, many tugging along carts of her own that all blocked her view of her brother until she lost sight of him completely.  Desperately she surged forward only to be struck by a passing trunk and sent stumbling to the ground.

Emily sat down on the cobbled floor and began wailing, tears flooding her reddened cheeks.  He was gone, her brother was gone and he wasn’t even going to say goodbye.  She was sure she’d never see him again.

Out of nowhere, warm hands lifted her once more. “Aw Em, come on, don’t cry!”  Jacob’s scent flooded her nose and she clung to his soft sweater, getting tears and snot on his shoulder as he hugged her to him. 

“Please don’t leave, Jake! I don’t want you to go!”  Emily begged, staring up at him with pleading eyes and making the puppy dog face that he never said no to.

“I have to, Em. But I’ll be home for Christmas soon, and then I’ll tell you everything that happens while I’m gone, okay? Then you can tell me what you did and it’ll be like we never were apart, I promise.”  He shifted her weight to one hand and lifted his other with only the pinky finger outstretched.

“You promise you’ll come back.”

Jacob stared seriously at his little sister. “I promise. No matter where I go, I will always be your brother and I will always come back to you.” 

Emily linked her pinky with his and they pinky swore on it.

“Now, I need you to be strong and brave for mom and dad, okay? They’re gonna need you while I’m gone.”  He smiled conspiratorially at her. “And you can always go to our special place when mom tries to get you to do chores.”

She giggled and a small smile broke out on her face as she nodded, remembering several times she’d seen her brother slip away when their mother had been calling his name.

A loud train whistle sounded and she released Jacob from her death grip and sunk back to the floor.  It was time for him to leave or he’d miss the train for sure.  Their parents caught up to them just as Jacob made to leave.

“See you soon, Em.” Jacob ruffled her hair as he walked away, and the skies were clear again as he smiled at her.

“See you soon.” 

She remained in the same spot, waving goodbye at her brother’s retreating form until the train disappeared from view.

Emily cried the next year too, although this time she didn’t try to keep him from leaving. She just mourned the loss of the sun that always left a frigid winter behind in its absence.  Jacob comforted her as best he could and she tried to hide the sadness on her face until after he left.

“See you soon, Jake.” She mumbled into his shirt as she hugged him tightly.

“See you soon, Em.” He promised, squeezing her one last time before the sharp whistle called him away from her again.

The next year, when she’d cried after the train left the station, her mother had scolded her for her childish behavior, told her she was too old to be crying over such things.  It was the last year she ever cried about it in front of her parents.  It was also the first year she started spending the rest of her September 1st in her and Jacob’s special place.

A few years later, and the start of the school term rolled around like usual but things were anything but normal.  When Emily stood on the familiar platform, she felt as if the icy season had already arrived, like the sun had been hidden by clouds for some time.

When Jacob smiled down at her, instead of her radiant and loving sun, it was a moon behind his eyes.  It was still bright, still shining but it was distinctly...cold.  There was an emptiness to him now as the face the Hogwarts Express.  

He usually spent the whole ride over talking to her and telling her all the things they would do once he came home for Christmas. This year the car ride had been silent, and he seemed in a rush to get to the platform and onto the train.  In a hurry to leave London, to leave the family, to leave her.

“See you soon?” This time it was a question. For the first time it was unclear and she was unsure.

“Yeah. See ya.” Jacob’s parting words lingered like a poison in her ears as he hugged her briefly and strode swiftly to the train without a backwards glance.

For the first time, the sun did not set when the Hogwarts Express faded out of view, for the sun had disappeared a while ago.

The next time Emily stood upon the platform, she had her own trolley cart before her, laden with all her possessions.  The charcoal and red train coughed out smoke but it did not steal her wonder as it had once before.  It was just a train, merely a vessel to get her to her destination, and closer to her goal.

She was numb as her parents stood beside her and wished her goodbye.  Their words held no warmth and their faces were frosty in their farewells.  It didn’t matter to her though, she’d long since adapted to life with ice year round, a life without summer, without her sun.

Newspaper clippings and articles about the cursed vaults weighed heavy in her inner coat pocket, carefully stashed away from her parents’ view where she could reread them on the train ride.  

But Jacob’s memory weighed even heavier on her heart and as she went to step on the train, a ghostly apparition of him seemed to hold out his hand to her, beckoning her forward to join him, to ride to Hogwarts and get the answers to the questions that plagued her since the last time she’d stood on this platform.

Emily stepped confidently onto the train, waving the image from her mind.

“See you soon, Jacob.”

[jshoulson]

Today's Poem

Macha --Monica McClure

All my feelings are different and this one is the most

Of all places here where women once retired from the men for fear of boring them

I am so bloody in my own bath of wild hairs that I couldn't possibly join you tonight for that colonial thing

Heroin or whore Babylon or Bethlehem

No matter what I'm followed by mosquitos

Flitting dicks who want me to teach them about themselves

But everything I know is contained in capsules of macha that break down in my bloodstream

And I wouldn't recommend it for the fairer sex who should buck up and study up on their condition

I used to feel sick for all my sloth but not anymore

In wanting to please I have sinned In leaning in I have sinned

In breaking in two I feel sin So

Vete ya A haircut and a hard cock is all I need

To govern a family My rod

cutting them down supplicant on the ground

For I was the first real white girl ever born in this country of flat skulls

That's why I'm so cocky with my staff

and my rule rock hard and inconsistent with my favor

The mouths of L'Age d'Or sucked well at my pre-war stockings before cocktail hour

Bells rang and trays of mosquitos were served with tarts

We hadn't meant to kill them with La Macha which includes but is not limited to:

a goddess religion unfaultering at the altar of shade an erotics of object-identification and compassion extending beyond the grave

My sister and I drank mournfully but afterwards we still danced all night

wearing quite literally bedazzled bustiers and veils of a dead boy's smoke

que mala after beating their macho dead in ultra-feminine swoops

How do they want us to think of them now our brothers haviing left so little charisma behind

on the internet to aggrandize

Such small mosquitos And though we are mourning we are still so macha

as we chip the thin teeth of traitors and huff the scent of babies and slap each other on the asses and father seven times and punish the bull with its own marbled horns

But though we're cocky we are still martyrs My sister says quita la macha and I'm like why

It's okay to make up slogans in the spirit of revolution and she's like ok but

after you systematically destroy machismo you must put his teeth to gnash at your engorged breasts for any sort of catagenesis to occur

and I'm like that could be hot But it isn't the new love conceived by and for macha

or is it? idk idk either i really dk

So we taught our brothers all these methods of cameo that they may take a small symbol of macha to wear around their necks to the part of culture where the money used to be kept

May they remember the strength of their mother's biceps as they show mercy to their fathers who are teleological

till the end of supremacy which is the beginning of macha

Kiss the black lips that feed you the corn hips that rock you and blight the prayers after you've said them

Santa Mala Madre de Mala ruega por nosotros pecadores ahora y en la ahora de nuestra muerte

Hand me my beads War without end Amén