#mother fucker has so many names what the hell

[cringetown-blog]

Me: looks like there’s a new star wars show on disney. eh, I’m bored I’ll watch it

Me, two episodes in:

I’d kill for him. I’d die for him. I’d do BOTH to SPITE GOD. He’s earned the right to kill that nasty son of a bitch jod, as a treat. LET SM-33 SAY PROFANITY LET HIM HAVE A SAILORS MOUTH HE DESERVES IT

[trashmouth-richie]

dulcis ut rosa { sweet as a rose 🥀}

part 1 1/2– dulex (the gnat🥀) pt ii: vitiosus + deliciosus

pt iii: frangere me 🥀pt iv: ad caelum vel infernum, tecum sum

emperor Geta x female servant reader || word count: 4.4k || smidge of caracalla x reader

summary: brought to Palatine Hill as a gift from your village to the new Emperors— Caracalla claims you as his own, but Geta has his own plans for you when the moon crests into the sky.

tw: anal, p in v, rough inexperienced sex, oral m receiving, use of the word whore, caracalla is a whiny bitch, geta is fuckboy of the era. i googled a majority of the historical events, timelines, roman names for things, and latin translation— if it’s wrong, oh well. bad at feelings! geta, insane! crybaby! caracalla. idk geta is an unhinged mother fucker but what if he wasn’t so bad?

It had been months and many cycles of the moon ago when you were sent as a token of goodwill, a gift to the new Emperors in exchange for peace for the small village you resided in. 

Other Virgines and yourself were taken in the dark ebony of twilight, shackled side by side into the wobbly wagon driven by the village's strongest oxen. You didn’t dare object, instead you held your chin high, awaiting fate as the cart swayed this way and that, heart racing and blood pulsing as your journey to the Palatine Hill began. 

Some nights were still spent awake, remembering the crippling fear in your chest as you watched women from your village being gifted to generals as their personal servants. 

Some were given to soldiers as a sense of “release.” No better than a common whore being passed from soldier to soldier, fitting their needs.  The others were pillaged and picked like grapes from a cluster— and finally you had stood alone, defiance pooling in your eyes, pushing back traitorous tears.

Emperors Geta and Caracalla sat on ruby and gold twin thrones, identical in size and power. The tension between them was palpable— so thick you could reach out and stroke its ugly head. Where Caracalla’s grin was full of mischief, Geta had a snarl curled on his upper lip. 

You should have known then. The difference between them.

From where you stood, Geta’s dark eyes looked empty. Every so often they twitched as he spun the rings adorned on his left hand. His eyes rolled when his older brother giggled as the gifts from whatever poor village gave away their ripe, untouched women. 

Bare toes standing on the marble floor— unable to even grab shoes before you were heaved into the cart— you felt a heat from dark eyes that you were certain would drive someone mad if they dared look back. Like the boiling flames from hell itself were simmering in the coal of his irises. 

Caracalla jumped up, stepping forward from his throne, a wicked sense of evilness piercing from the iciness of his stare. His golden tooth caught the sun’s rays and you nearly vomited as he strode forward, eyeing you like a meal. 

A feminine laugh bubbled from his throat,  he clasped his hands together, bangles clanking in a sick harmony, a childlike grin spread on his pale face, “she’ll do.” 

You remember the first night in his chambers. Caracalla himself was bathed in ivory, same as the stone walls that were covered with flowing draperies. Although it was meant to be beautiful, the air felt choked, tight in your chest as you tried like hell to calm your frazzled nerves. 

The same giggle you heard in the throne room all morning now reverberated off the walls. He sat on a chaise lounge in only his dressing robes, sweat dampening his temples, that same damning stare as he slid his tongue over that disgusting gold tooth. Was he nervous? Drunk?

You had thought an emperor of his caliber would be used to this sort of thing. Maybe not. 

You had been cleaned by the palace servants, hair untangled and dirt scrubbed from under your nails. Hints of jasmine and honey perfumed from your gown as you tiptoed toward him. You watched as beads of sweat trickled down his brow, and he wiped at them hastily. 

“Sit.” 

The singular word seemed to give him trouble, as if he had never been in the presence of a woman before. 

He was clumsy, unthreading your gown with clammy hands, dragging across your skin like a damp sponge. Your skin crawled under his touch. 

His lips were stained with wine, thin and shriveled as he pecked at your skin. When you reached for him, hurrying this task along, he recoiled from your hand, shaking his head, a pained expression on his face as he held your wrist in a death grip. 

His eyes squinted shut and he screamed for you to leave. “Out!” “Get out!” Chalices and gold cutlery were tossed in your direction as you sprang for the door. 

Throwing open the heavy wood and running smack into the bare chest of the other Emperor. Emperor Geta. 

Although younger, he was taller than Caracalla. His chest was more broad, shoulders stretched tight with muscles. The same death-like stare on his face as he shoved you from him, having you stumble onto the stones into a wall. The cords of his neck strained as he took in your appearance.

He didn’t soften his features as you peered up at him with a fear stricken expression. He snarled, flaring his nostrils at the pathetic look of you, practically in rags. 

“Ah, and what do we have here? My brother’s whore in tears outside his chamber door. Can’t say I'm the least bit surprised.” He leaned into you, his eyes burning into your skin as he ripped the last of your gown to the floor, leaving you naked before him. 

“Tasteful thing, aren't you?” he gloated, pinching your bare nipple between his thumb and forefinger, laughing when you yelped in surprise and tried to cover your decency. 

He crowded into you, pushing your further down the hall way until you reached a dead end, his groin pressed into your middle. 

“Pathetic.” he sneered, enunciating every syllable the word held.  “Every single one of you.” His voice slithered like a snake against your ear, his breathing was forced, almost erratic and strained like he was holding himself back from bashing your skull into the wall. 

“Brought in here like some glorious stuffed hog on a spicket, trying to impress the Emperors so your village would be overlooked..” he clicked his tongue and grabbed the nape of your neck, his mouth only an inch from your own, “I don’t miss anything. Even though my sniffling brother may, I do not.” 

“Emperor, please.” 

“Do not speak!” he shouted loud enough to wake the entire palace, the veins in his neck stood at attention, throbbing,  “a whore will never open her mouth to me unless asked, or you are given something to fill it— understood?” 

You nodded feebly, a single tear trickling down your cheek. Geta placed the tip of his tongue to your skin catching the salty wetness, “if you can not please my brother, you will please me… otherwise what good are you here?” 

He shoved you to your knees, bits of sand biting into your skin as you hit the ground with a thud. His eyes were ablaze as he pulled out his cock. Veiny and impossibly thick, you’d never imagined one to be so large.  

Geta stroked himself, already hard and velvet beneath his palm, “open for your Emperor,” he demanded, the same snarl on his lip you noticed earlier today. 

You did as you were told, tongue out mouth agape waiting for him to slide against your mouth. Forcing himself inside, he filled it full until the pink head slithered into your throat, his groans vibrating through your bones. 

He rocked his hips into your face, panting and groaning some more as you gagged on his length— spit dripping down your bare chest and down his sack. 

He spoke nonsense to himself as you tried to breathe, squinting out tears from your eyes as you peered up at him. “The virgin mouth is fuck, yes, too good… impossibly sweet, untouched by another man, fuck, never get enough.” 

His large fist gripped your hair, pulling at the root as he bludgeoned himself further into you, fucking your head into the wall surely to leave a bruise or knock you unconscious, he wouldn’t care either way. 

“Stupid sniffling Caracalla,” he choked out between thrusts, “incompetent bastard wouldn’t know what to do with a whore if one fell on his cock,” he laughed and scrubbed at his face, reaching with his free hand to press the column of your throat, feeling himself deep beneath his thumb, “lucky for you, I do.” 

He came then, loud and shaky, holding you to him until your nose was tickled by his patch of dark pubic hair. He pulled out, leaving a pearl against his slit to rub against your mouth. 

“You might belong to Caracalla, but you will bow to me, and you… my sweet rosa, I have plans for you.” 

And that was how it started, how every night you would meet with Caracalla only to be summoned by Geta in the corridor upon your dismissal. Spilling secrets of his brother before pleasuring him with your mouth. 

In the light of day, you were ignored by him as you catered to Caracalla’s beck and call, and you often wondered if Geta had another servant he preferred during the sunlight hours. 

You were a midnight affair, a servant to one Emperor, a secret to the other. Caracalla was a strange man. Your time with him mostly was spent with him whining about the day's woes. 

How hard it was to be an emperor, the many expectations he had, the palace wasn’t large enough, his brother was too mean. Night by night his paranoia spread like wildfire, and he became gaunt, refusing to eat thinking Geta poisoned his food, his cheeks began to hallow. 

During all those nights he never once gave in to his own sexual temptations, he laid his head in your lap like an infant, whimpering and sniveling. One particular warm night you were sitting on his bed as you did every night before, listening to him sob about his mother and how he felt her attention was elsewhere. 

It took a single second of you being unresponsive for his switch to flip. Caracalla raged, flipping over furniture, ripping his draperies from the walls and pulling at his own hair. You were terrified, scared of him for the first time since the night you came to the palace. 

Caracalla bound your wrists above your head, and took force between your legs as you silently let him, disassociating from the entire situation, as he kissed a bruise to your collarbone, and scratched your thighs with his bitten fingernails. His inexperience was evident in his approach, in the way his hips held no rhythm, in the way he screeched like a midnight owl when he was close to release. 

He repeated the same thing over and over until he spilled against your stomach, a plea to either himself or to the Gods above, I am worthy. 

You shook violently, not with pleasure but with fear. You had thought of spitting in his face, but realized death would be your only future if you were to humiliate him during this catastrophic performance of what he would assume to be lust. 

Caracalla finished with a sweaty brow, laying down to fall asleep like a babe, an arm wrapped around your middle. A gaudy rouge colored his pale cheeks as drool slipped from his lips. 

You felt sick, defiled and disgusting. 

You’d rather be fucked by thirty men at once than have to endure that pathetic, cry baby fit from Caracalla. Gently placing his arm on the pillow, you fled. 

Missing your village, your family, the man who you were supposed to marry someday, your tears clouded your vision down the winding corridors of the palace. You would have fought to stay behind, should have pleaded to the men that you could be useful to them. This whore’s life isn’t what you had bargained for, death would be swifter— easier than this. 

The sweet scent of the balneum made you take a detour to the right, and you sobbed upon seeing the moonlight glint across the soft bathing water. 

Desperate to scrub his filth from your skin, the water was barely warm but you couldn’t care less as you sunk deep into the marble stone basin. Scrubbing your skin with anything your fingers could get ahold of. The jasmine soaps the servants washed you with the first time was tucked into its cradle and you slathered until your skin shined like an apparition. 

Tears dropped from the apples of your cheeks hitting the massive pool like a rainstorm over the ocean. Caracalla was a coward, a nuisance to Rome, to the Gods themselves. You damned his name as you scrubbed and lathered, repeating feverishly. 

For how long Geta stood in the doorway, you weren’t sure. You weren’t where you should have been, and he was irate upon your absolute disrespect of his time. He wanted to shout, plunge his way into the water and drag you out by your hair, bring you to the coliseum and make everyone watch your death against whatever animal he saw fit. 

You broke his rules, his laws, his heart raced with anger at the sight of you casually washing yourself. Nobody in the palace bathed in the moonlight, and when he heard commotion from the tepidarium room, he stomped towards it to find whoever the culprit was idiotic enough to disobey. He was alarmed to find you in there. Frantic, shooken up, no doubt from the hands of his flaccid brother.

“The lamb strayed away from the flock, I see.” his voice was like a snake, cool and calm but dripping with acidity that could kill at any given time. Jumping at his voice you nearly shrieked at his sudden appearance. 

“The moon has passed the mountains, yet you do not seek me out? Instead I find you here, helping yourself to the royal bathing quarters, as if you deserve such luxuries.”

Your voice trembled, as you climbed from the water, “I wanted… I needed to be clean.” 

His eyebrows twisted inward, confusion riddling his features until he stepped further into the room and noticed the marks across your skin. Caracalla’s mark. The marks of an hungry, untrained runt, trying to prove himself to the litter. 

Geta’s face boiled with sadistic rage as his eyes scanned down your body, the scratches of an novice beast unable to pleasure a whore. Bruises from a limp man who deserved a knife to his throat.

“Come.” he demanded, not waiting for you to follow as his stalked from the room, tossing a long cloth behind him to your awaiting hands. 

—

Water trickled behind you and down the length of your body as you padded on bare feet to catch up with Geta. 

This part of the palace was foreign to you, a set of stairs leading to a dark tower that you didn’t know existed, and then you realized why. He was leading you up to his chambers.

Geta and Caracalla lived on opposite ends of the palace, their hatred splitting them apart as far as it could allow. 

He thrust open a concealed door and stomped down a few stone stairs leading into his chamber. 

It was decorated in hues of deep ruby and scarlets, black linens flanked his walls. His bed was massive, alluring in the dark majesty of its presence. A single candle flickered beside his bed, casting shadows in the deep night. 

His hooded eyes seemed to strike with a ripple of psychotic light when he came back to the doorway to pull you inside by your wrist. 

Sitting on a lavish wooden chair he leans back, spreading his legs wide, reaching for a wine filled chalice downing it in one gulp, his eyes never leaving you. 

“Let me make myself clear,” he stated, “I do not care what Caracalla does in his chambers I never have nor will I now.” 

Geta wiped at his chin and set down the glass, his finger rounding the rim, “You came here knowing what your life would hold as an Emperor’s servant or a soldier’s fuck sack. The little amount of freedom you were once born with has vanished, and what a pity that must be…but quite honestly,” he gleamed leaning forward his face warmed by the light, casting shadows of evil on his brows, “I am not a savior to the fucked raw whores of this palace who weep after fulfilling their master’s needs.”

Your eyes casted downward at the patterned marble floor. “I told you the night we met that if you aren’t pleasing my brother or myself, you have no purpose here, did I not?” 

Your head shook up and down, knowing every word he said was true. 

“I will grant you gratitude where it is due by saying that you have done everything I have asked of you, sharing my brother’s secrets, using your mouth to fill my needs— it is all very pleasing…”

For the first time you look into Geta’s eyes, the shadows inside flicker with the candle light, and you are drawn to them like a moth. 

“… however, I find myself enraged thinking of that shriveled weasel dick not taking you to bed in a proper manner. It is not my style to fuck like a lover would—I use women to my needs and that’s it.” 

He rubs his jaw, as if the stubble was itching him, suddenly stopping to look at you dead in the eyes as his narrowed to slits, “but you, are a gnat. An annoyance I can not seem to get rid of, and I can’t decide if you are a woman version of the plague or something else…” His eyes glimmer for a second before he shakes his head to clear his mind, “Get on the bed.” 

“Emperor?” 

His voice boomed as he slammed down his cup, “do not make me say it twice, I find myself to be quite angry when I have to repeat my words.” His throat pulsed in wrath, and his knuckles turned white from his fists being clenched. 

You do as you're told, gingerly making your way to the enormous frame and mattress, sitting rigidly. Geta undresses himself, standing bare before you, that glorious length springing freely. 

“The difference between Caracalla and myself, is I know how to use my God bless-ed cock to pleasure a woman, and I’m damn good at it.” 

He’s on you in a flash, his breath sweet from the wine he had consumed. His body was solid on top of yours, pale skin never exposed to the sun. Enormous shoulders dressed in muscles that were hidden with robes daily. He sniffs loud, taking in your scent you feel his body shiver above you. 

His teeth nip at your earlobe, piercing through the flesh releasing a trail of hot blood onto your neck. It’s swiftly lapped away by his tongue, a low groan following as he tastes you. 

“If your blood is this sweet I would hate to know how you taste between your legs.” 

You squirm beneath him as he bites your lip the same way, his canines piercing your plushy flesh and he moves his mouth over the bites, enjoying the iron-like taste. A flood of wetness rushes to your core and you suddenly feel hot everywhere… something Geta doesn’t miss. 

“My brother’s whore is quick to becoming wet.” he says with a chuckle, sweeping his fingers between your folds, his rings collecting your arousal on his knuckles before he pulls them into his mouth,  “mmmm leave it to Caracalla to fuck a bitch when she’s drier than a well.” 

His mouth assaults your neck. Sweeping circling as he groans into you, his cock rutting against your sex as you pull him further into you, a hand coiled in his golden hair, yanking slightly, a traitorous moan escaping his lips. 

Your hips widen to try to sneak the tip of him into your cunt but he only laughs at your attempt.

“Look how desperate you are, pathetic thing… so eager to be filled by a man who knows how to fuck.” He groans when your nails scratch down his back, and he licks his lip to not get too carried away. 

That pitiful excuse for a human couldn’t satisfy his own hand, let alone a whore who begs to be brutalized.” You moan his name when he skims blunt nails around the peaks of your nipples, running his palms along your rib cage. 

“You're teasing me, Emperor, te necessito.” 

The snarl that seems to be a permanent fixture on his face curls on his lip, “begging is a good start, we both know how good you are on your knees, but I like the pity showing in your eyes, as if I’m your God.”

With that final word and title, Geta thrust himself into you, shredding your walls with each delicious inch of his cock buried inside of you. All breath is expunged from your lungs as you stare into the devil’s eyes, a chokehold to your own.

“Ora pro me, Deus meus, pray for me God,” he grunted as he pistoned back into your heat. Your screams filled his chambers, the tower shaking with seduction as he matched your shouts with grunts and moans of his own. 

He pawed at your tits, squeezing and claiming every inch of skin he could get his hands on. Your thighs were wrapped around his waist, your hips circling to meet his rhythms. A large hand wrapped tight around your throat, and you licked your lips letting a grin spread against them. 

Geta was leaned forward just enough for you to put a hand against his own throat, squeezing as tightly as you could. He wasn’t expecting this, wasn’t expecting someone to match his own sadistic fantasies.. let alone a commoner from a village he didn’t care to know the name of. 

His eyes embellished like a dark jewel in a burning hell before he snarled and backhanded your cheek. He had never been more turned on, practically fucking you stupid as the welts from his rings raised on your skin. 

“Puella pulchra, pretty girl,” Geta whispered into your ear after flipping you over, his cock wedged between your ass cheeks. “Mea es, mea es, you’re mine;  no one else’s.” 

His rings bit at your sides as he positioned your ass upwards, leaving his dental records in each cheek before slapping them hard in unison, mocking your yelp as he dribbled spit where he needed it to be. 

With no warning he entered your other hole at a bruising pace. You saw black when Geta bottomed out and you swore you were near passing out from the stretch of his giant cock stuffed tight inside of you. 

Your pussy throbbed to his commands as he pulled you by your neck with one hand, so your back was leaned against his chest. Thick fingers slotted themselves in the heat of your core until his rings were nestled against your clit. “How dare you let Caracalla have at you first, this cunt is too sweet, too sinful to not be mine.” 

Babbling along to everything he said you simply screamed yes over and over, as your head lolled back on his shoulder. You came so hot and bound tight that it flooded his fingers and spread down your legs as he kept pounding inside of you. 

“Oh fuck,” Geta grunted, shoving your forward to gain leverage on your hips as he pistoned into you a final time. A great yell breached his throat as his seed flooded your ass, filling it full and spilling over both himself and you, down to the laundered sheets. 

You collapsed onto his bed, legs shaking and quaking struggling to catch your breath. Geta fell onto his back beside you, his skin glistening with sweat, his release coated thickly on his softening cock and pasted into the curly hair. 

“Dulcis ut rosa,” he murmured with his eyes closed, licking his lips to savor your taste once more. 

Tumbling on shaky knees, you lift yourself up just enough to eye his length, wrapping your mouth around his cock, sucking off his spend and yourself from him. Moaning as you devoured him.  

He hissed at the contact, reaching out to stroke your cheek with his thumb “you’ve made a fool of me, you wicked thing, I’m nothing but a fool.” 

When you were finished, Geta laid in silence beside you. His thumb strumming along his torso his eyes wide staring into the ceiling, deep in thought. 

Noticing a decanter of wine you asked if he’d like another glass. “No,” he said, still staring upward, unable to look at you. “I’m tired, leave me now.” 

Removing yourself from the bed you find the dressing robe he was wearing when he found you in the bath and slipped it over your shoulders. 

Leaving his chambers left you feeling rotten. 

It was strange how he looked at you during and after, he was talented just as he said he was, and you knew you’d never forget the night the other Emperor bed you in his sheets. For tomorrow was another day, back to Caracalla and his blubbering whines of the hardships of royalty.

Geta lie awake for hours. Eventually seeking refuge on his balcony staring into the pale ivory moon, silently asking the Gods for answers he himself didn’t know. He had bedded hundreds of women. Every shape, size and color. But you. The little gnat. You had been buzzing in his ears every night since you had gotten to Palatine Hill. 

Since the day he laid his eyes on you and scoffed to try to denounce his admiration, Geta silently wished death on Caracalla when he claimed you as his own. His original plan was to spoil the apple from the inside out, use you as a spy to gain information about his deranged brother— but it became more to him, you became more. But why? 

The God’s didn’t have the answers tonight, just like they hadn’t the night before, or every dawn since the night you showed up here. Guilt struck him like a bolt from Jupiter’s mighty hand and he pushed it down with the remaining wine he had stashed beside his bed. 

The facaded mask he wore these days almost slipped off tonight when you lay beside him. How he wanted to reach out and touch your skin while you laid in euphoric bliss. And he shut you out to avoid something he couldn’t risk. He didn’t know how to love a woman, his love was for war and power, blood and gold— still the gnat buzzed, unrelentless. 

Laying in the sex sodden sheets, he knew what his dream would be of tonight. It hadn’t changed in the months of you arriving here: Caracalla dead by his hand, and you, the gnat, sweet as a rose…his empress.

🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀

latin translation:

virgines— virgins

dulcis ut rosa— sweet as a rose

balneum— bathing room

te necessito— i need you

ora pro me deus meus— pray for me my God

puella pulchra— pretty girl

mea es— you’re mine

tagging some moots: @joejoequinnquinn @choke-me-eddie @etherealxwitch

[2-dsimp]

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Yandere adventurer x princess reader

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Cw: fem reader! Princess reader! jealousy, possessive/obsessive, yandere townsfolk, Zexius fighting for his life, murderous tendencies, slight gore,

Synopsis: 【on this fateful day you were threatened to be the sacrificial bride of a mythical beast. In order to save your minor kingdom from destruction. However, in a turn of events you got saved by an unruly adventurer dressed in none other than his boxers. it was love at first sight. Although many of your subjects opposed it.】

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Zexius was a blight to his family adventurers guild. He was blessed with unfathomable potential. Alongside His family of 6 with him taking center stage as the shitty eldest brother. However, not many would get to see his potential being put to action. Since he’s a lazy fucker who wants to be a NEET for the rest of his life.

His family was loaded so why the hell did he even need to go outside and save the world from miscreants? That’s what hero’s like Adonis the Sunset Knight are for.

Not to mention he had a sucky personality, bad hygiene, his only good redeeming features would be his face he inherited from his parents. But even he’d got that covered up by his hair.

His life motto was to live unseen so hardships never bother him unprovoked. So he lived as a nameless NPC often making his parents namely his mother, Mooni, wring his neck in frustration. Dangling his ass out the window of their castle from the highest level.

“You’ve been holed up in that room of yours for months young man! Go outside and— what’s that slang you youngins use again? Ah right… Stop gooning!”

“Ma! Seriously! Who even told you about that slang? You’re too old to be acting so cringeeeeeeeeee!??”

Zexius all but screeched be catapulted by the scruff into the far off distance like a shooting star. Yelling curses like a lich obsessed with getting revenge on those beyond its grave.

While dusting off her hands with a huff of satisfaction, her laid back husband, Jakeo, stumbled upon the scene. Ultimately he just shrugged before minding his business. Already used to the extreme mother-son spats, definitely not because he forgot to take out the trash. And was trying to save his ass from being thrown out like a rocket just like his eldest son.

“Jakeooooo, don’t act like, I don’t got eyes in the back of my head. What happened to trash day?”

“…Listen hear me out—“

—-/——————

At this point Zexius was having airtime for so long he was bored. He estimated that he passed up 3 great territories already. Yawning while still zooming within the air until he widened his bloodshot eyes in surprise. His limbs failing seeing that he was headed straight towards a malicious mythical beast. Who was currently attempting at stealing the a kingdoms princess as ransom.

“I dare any of you insignificant humans to step to me, the princess now belongs to the great Orisha! You should kiss the ground in thanks that I didn’t devour you all—“

Suddenly the mythical beast paused, his many eyes trained on the bloody individual who stood off to the side with a tired expression on his face. Carrying a pulsating piece of flesh that drawfed half his body. Their heart, Not to mention that guy looked like a cave dweller and was only wearing his lame boxers and a tattered tank top.

“Shit sorry man, your fatass heart was in the way so I had to uh remove it to get out. But hey I’ll give it back to ya so no hard feelings?”

Zexius offered animatedly, he could already feel a dreadful headache coming from the aftermath of what’ll happen to his quiet carefree life of self indulgence. Seeing he had pierced through the beasts chest like an arrow, leaving a gaping hole.

“Damn youuuuu, how could I the great Orisha be defeated by a mere bum?! This amount of shame you brought on me has no remedy!”

The adventurer pinched his nose in exasperation, the NEET truly hoped that the beast had another heart. He could just dip like nothing happened. The townsfolk be damned since it wasn’t his problem. But sadly it wasn’t the case he actually killed it in one shot. Not just any beast a mythical one at that.

“I’ll curse you and your next of kin!… well that’s what I’d normally do to a worthy and presentable opponent.”

“Oi Oi Oi what the hell’s that supposed to mean? Excuse the fuck outta me for not bein dressed to impress. But I didn’t expect to be out here anyways. “

Ignoring Zexius’s attempts at explaining himself, Orisha merely rolled his many eyes. Seeing his magnificent body fading away like speckled star dust into the wind.

“Haa I actually pity you, with my minds eye it’s enough to tell that you’ll remain a forever alone. So it’d be a waste to curse you farewell fool.”

The adventurer veins popped on his forehead immediately crushing the beasts pulsating heart.

“YOU— CURSE ME! CURSE ME ALREADY, YOU BIG BITCH! I’m not a lost cause, damn you! Just you wait, I’ll make you regret not cursing me when you had the chance!”

Zexius raged, Even going as far as to spit and stomp on the lump of flesh upon the ground. growing more irritable from its croaking fits of laughter.

The beast collapsed, fading away into nothingness drooping you into the hands of your savior. Who caught you by reflex and was already sweating being in proximity to a pretty thing like you. You were exactly his type, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

He wasn’t a gentleman and he’d gotten used to being labeled as unredeemable gnat. By the other neighboring princesses because he treated them like their royal reputation didn’t mean anything.

Being so blunt about how they weren’t his type at all. Not even doing the customary greeting since he’d just smack their hand with a nonchalant low high five. With a sneer on his face as he said that he wasn’t gonna be kissing an uggo’s hand.

Immediately he got on the blacklist no-marriage list throughout most neighboring territories. Which made his mother weep in frustration after having set up those marriage meetings for it to go to waste. While his father merely laughed alongside his younger brothers Wagam, Yeon, and Ueul at how he had no rizz.

Not to mention he was wearing his damned boxers. After years of finally finding the right princess who hit all his criteria at a glance. The last thing he’d wanna do is embarrass himself. He was praying to the gods to have that cliche where the damsel falls for the hero at first sight. just like in those isekai novels he’d read in his spare time.

His train of thought was interrupted by the king who stepped forward. Cringing at the sight of the bum who somehow saved their kingdom. But coughing into his hand to save face he must act as a benevolent ruler and thank the one responsible for their safety.

“Ahem! Thank you, for saving my precious daughter and my people we’re forever in your debt bum—I mean esteemed adventurer. Whatever it’s you want we’ll happily supply you with—“

“Yeah, yeah, no need to make a big deal outta it. I only want one thing, your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

The NEET said bluntly with a blank faced expression, still holding you in a princess carry. If the King rejected then he’d just haul ass and kidnap you on the spot. There was no way he was going to let you outta his sights. Not when you were everything he was wishing for. Plus it make his mother get off his back about not having any grandkids for her to spoil in the foreseeable future.

“Oi Oi what’s with the hostile attitude! Y’all are some ungrateful people, you said you’d give me anything! So why the hell are you readying a battle axe man!”

In hindsight he could understand why the people were already gathering their pitch forks and discarded weapons. The look on their faces was of pure spite, like someone pissed in their cheerios. Despite him saving their lives, it felt as if they’d rather die than see their precious beloved princess. who was clearly loved by the subjects be married to someone who they recognized to be on the no-marriage list.

Narrowing his eyes he widened his stance. He wasn’t afraid to catch a fade with all of the kingdoms people woman, man, child. He didn’t give a fuck, plus he could tell it was a small kingdom on the outskirts. So it’s not like anyone would tell if it happened to somehow disappear right?

Though it would be unfortunate if he killed his father in law in front of you. He could easily ask one of his brothers who’s an aspiring mage to preform a memory wipe on you. After all his family’s blessed with the best of abilities hailing from the direct line legendary adventures before them.

“Lay down your weapons! Father you said you’d give him anything he’d want, it’d be a disgrace to the royal code to not honor that!”

You piped up, with a stern expression on your face which Zexius found to be so adorable. It made him grin like a lovesick idiot seeing his future bride stand up for him. Hell it even made him tear up a bit as nobody had ever done that for him in his years of living. Which only solidified how you were the only one for him.

“Sweetie listen, that thing isn’t even fit to be your husband! It’s best to kill him where he stands and for goodness sakes he’s a bum! He must’ve did some kinda dirty trick, there’s no way he defeated Orisha so easily!”

“Silence! Don’t you dare call my fiancée a bum show some respect, all of you! Or else I’ll leave this kingdom and never come back!”

“Alright alright! Anything but that forgive us! My sweet daughter! Everyone stand down!”

The King urged frantically, everyone followed suit disgruntled as they seethed silently at the smug adventurer. But they’d be devastated if the crown jewel of their small kingdom were forever lost. However, the king was adamant in keeping you and him separated for as long as possible.

So he made up a thorough bullshit contract, a test of faith one may say. Which states that if Zexius could spend five years doing long distance with his princess. Then he’d voluntarily allow you to go stay at his residence.

Zexius didn’t like dealing with unnecessary struggles but for you he’d give it his all. By the time you’d meet again he’d be ready to expel 5 years of yearning for his bride to be.

.

.

.

Part 2? 👀

[hannahhook7744]

Gwaine Lore™

You know what would have been really funny to see in Merlin?

Gwaine Lore™.

It's exactly what it sounds like! Dad lore without the dad.

The most unhinged memory you have ever heard just dropped and never brought up again.

Just one episode have the man suddenly be like 'I know what this fucker is' about the monster of the week and offhandedly state how he fought it once when he left home, and then run off to get the stuff they need as everyone else is just left blinking cause WHAT.

Man gets in a fight with someone in a different kindom and Arthur is ready to tear him a new one but holds himself back enough to ask about it because he figures he could at least hear his friend out. Only for Gwaine to be like 'oh yeah that guy stabbed me once with that trick. Figured I'd say the other guy the trouble'. And Arthur just doesn't know to respond.

The whole Green Knight thing?

Just dropped on Elyan out of fucking nowhere as Gwaine causally bits into an apple.

Gwaine mentioning he didn't know how to spell his own name for literal years because his mother couldn't afford to give him a noble education or have the time to give it him to Merlin.

Man is told they're going to a kingdom only to be like 'yeah. No. I'm banned from that kingdom. Not official but as in "the king will literally kill me if he sees me and probably still remembers my face even after all these years" kind of way.'

I just know this man has so many shenanigans that throw even Giaus for a loop.

Gwaine walks into a tavern and the tavern keeper is just like "Get the hell out of here Gwaine, you know what you did" and Gwaine just walks back out going "I know what I did" in another kingdom.

Gwaine knows a random bandit.

That witch is Gwaine's ex who's still sweet on him.

That witch is a friend of Gwaine's sister and is still mad at him for something random he did.

That lady giving Gwaine the death glare at a ball is his sister.

Just so much Gwaine lore and random shenanigans that have the rest of the group like this trying to figure it out.

[thequeenofthedisneyverse]

Villain Kenji au - Chapter 1

Mentions of character death

This wasn't happening...it couldn't have been happening...

Kenji Sato...freshly turned 22 years old only two weeks ago. His baseball career was just starting and actually looking good for him. Yeah, it's going to be a long road ahead towards fame but nothing he can't handle.

But this...he can't handle this...

He was just on the phone with his mother who was in the Tokyo airport. She was there and wanted to let Kenji know she made it there safely.

It was a little funny when she accidentally clicked the video call button instead of the regular call button...

"Oh, my apologies ken, you know I'm not good at this technology stuff. But hey, at least you can see me!"

He saw her...he saw her die...

It- It happened so fast it- She didn't even have time to properly react. That...that thing...that scaled demon raised itself from out of the water and trudged itself toward the water.

It was unprovoked...yet it used violence in its wake on innocent bystanders. What could have possibly set it off? Kenji didn't know...all he heard was a roar on the other side of the phone and saw his mother look up in fear.

The last thing he saw was her frightened face before the phone fell to the ground.

He screamed her name at the phone, hoping, wishing for any sign of life...but nothing. The screen was black, so her phone was more than likely broken.

Kenji fell to his knees and dropped his phone...a lump was in his throat. He can't breathe and his heart was stop going at a million miles an hour

This...this is a joke; it has to be a joke...a sick joke...but his mother would never play a prank like this...

Kenji's voice was hoarse as he felt numb...was it the shock? He wanted to cry but something was stopping him

"Mama...please...be alive"

30 thousand people died that day...including Emiko Sato.

The funeral was heart breaking...He was quiet and numb for quite some time...only crying when he was in the safety of his room. And it wasn't many people there at the funeral.

Emiko cut off most of her family due to the toxicity she grew up with so the only people who showed up were her childhood best friends. They all gave him their condolences, but their words fell on numb ears.

One parent absent and the other six feet under...doesn't really do well on a guy's mental health. He constantly wishes he was there to save her. He constantly has nightmares about that day, some where he's holding her corpse...begging her to wake up.

Kenji didn't send out a funeral invite to his father because he was too infuriated at the mere thought of doing so.

"He should've been there...he has the suit for fuck's sake, and he couldn't save her?!...no...no, he can burn in hell for all I care!"

Hayao tried to call him, voicemail after voicemail, text after text. Kenji blocked him entirely. The final straw was the last email...

"Kenji...Kenji please, your mother isn't answering my calls and...I- I need your help. M- My body...I- it's giving out on me; I don't think I can fight much longer. I sent you a copy of the Ultraman suit...please Kenji...I need you to help"

The audacity...the sheer audacity of this fucker was immaculate. Ignore the existence of your son and wife since he was six years old and now you want his help? IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?!

No...no, no, no...FUCK NO!

Kenji searched for his father's number and dialed it, waiting for an answer...he picked up. Ken laid down everything he felt for the past 17 years onto his father.

"You left me and mom to fend for ourselves, you left mom alone to raise me by HERSELF! You've only ever called ONCE on my birthday and never even called on mom's. You don't care...YOU'VE FUCKING NEVER CARED! And... when mom needed you the most...you let her die..."

"W- What" Hayao didn't understand...what did he mean by that?!

"Oh...I forgot to tell you...mom is dead...your WIFE is dead..."

Those words hurt kenji badly...his heart clenched at the memory. The memory plagued his thoughts and dreams since the incident.

Before Hayao could even reply Kenji threw his phone at the wall and fell to his knees. Angry and sad tears fell down his cheeks as he sobbed.

His fists punched at the ground ferociously. His ai assistant, Mina, used her robotic arms to hold him back so he wouldn't hurt himself further.

"Kenji, this isn't a good coping mechanism, you need to calm down!"

"FUCK. OFF!"

The young man screamed and thrashed about to get out of the robot's grasp. She didn't let him go and held onto him tightly until he calmed down.

After about 20 more minutes of his fury, he calmed down a bit and Mina took him too his room. She laid him down on his bed and he just...laid there. Too exhausted and emotionally drained to fight back..

"Get some rest Kenji...you need it"

The following days were like a haze for him. He was technically in and out of reality at this point. A week went by, and something came in the mail.

...The ultraman suit...the symbol that was the bane of his existence.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Kenji was actually in tune with reality enough to open the box and pull it out. Just seeing it caused a violent reaction as he tried to rip it, burn it, doing anything he could to destroy it but...nothing worked.

It was like Edna Mode made it or something!

Kenji was out of breath as the thing was in his hands. His fingers gripping it tightly.

Ken didn't want to be Ultraman, just to spite his father. Not only that, but Kenji would swallow glass before he would attempt to fight a Kaiju or Kindly move it away from where it was causing terror.

To be honest...he just wanted to rip those things apart, limb from limb, organ from organ. To slice, cut, and tear every fiber of them to shreds with his bare hands.

Kenji was going to throw the suit into the ocean, but a thought crossed his mind. The KDF. They were known to have more permanent ways of getting rid of Kaiju's...

And from what he could remember, His father hated the KDF ever sense they became a thing.

Then it clicked...and a bone chilling smile came upon Kenji's face...

"I'll be Ultraman for you dad...just. for. you"

This is the story of Kenji Sato...a man who's going to fall far from grace...and into the pits of insanity.

@jaidenk-nox FINALLLYYY MADE IIIIT! (Ik it's short, I sorry for that tho)

[elmundodeflor]

In the span of 10 years, Hanji writes Levi one letter for each birthday they spend together.

"12 Things I Never Told You" pays homage to his and Hanji's bond through space and time, and depicts the loving light in which they saw him.

You can read the full fic and 12 letters here, on AO3.

In the meantime, here's one of the letters for you to check out;

Levi,

When I gave you the tea-can earlier, the look on your face could have only meant two things:

1) "This must have been expensive as hell."

2) "You're batshit crazy for spending on it."

I told you, though! I wasn't gonna throw you a birthday party, but you had to expect a gift from me, at least. I like going all out!

Anyways, it was a nice surprise that you came down the lab with two mugs instead of one. And that you talked about your mother.

You told me that you had this same tea-can at home, in the Underground. And that your mom had gotten it for trade from one of her clients that lived up here. Your entire face softened when you mentioned her— how graceful she was. It was like seeing sugar melting on the stove.

Of course, I didn't ask— if she's alive, or what happened to her. I didn't mean to be intrusive. But the way you spoke in past-tense... oh, I'm sorry, Levi. I'm so, so sorry. Really. If she was anything quite like you, then I'm sure she was a wonderful woman.

To be honest, I don't know either— whether my mom's alive or not. You see, I never talk about this for a reason. I ran away from home when I was fourteen. My parents were... well, let's just say... not good people. I was mischievous, and rebellious, and asked too many questions. They most definitely did not like that.

My grandpa was the closest thing I ever had to a father, or a friend. He did die, though. He was mischievous, and rebellious, and asked as many questions as I did. I guess, back then, it not only made my parents uncomfortable, but the Military Police as well...

It was the reason I joined the Survey Corps, you know? You may not believe this, but I was once full of rage, too. I'm just lucky I could turn it into something better— passion, purpose. I'm certainly not proud of how it used to be. You should have seen me, all those years ago; shouting down the hallways, kicking titans' heads... I just hope you never get to see it again. If you do, I'm scared you might never look at me the same, and that I never forgive myself for it.

I have no clue how you do it, though— carry yourself through life. Back then, if they'd given me the names of the fuckers who took my grandpa, I'd have killed them on the spot. You, on the other hand, (and I know you'll get mad at me for saying this) are gentle. If you wanted to, you could break necks with a single blow. Or seek revenge towards the world for what it's done to you. But you choose not to. You actively, every day, choose not to.

Yeah, yeah, you probably don't like me reminding you of all this. But you're kind, Levi. You stay in the lab with me while I’m working, and you trust me enough to tell me about your mother. And you share this expensive-ass-tea I bought for you.

You're a good person. Much better than I'll ever be. I know you don’t think that you are, and that you worry others may also think that you’re not. But it’s true— you’re a good man.

See? It doesn't even matter I spent half my budget on this! (You’ve been warned, you won’t ever hear a word about it). You deserve to have nice things, little one. Also, it was pretty neat to hear that tiny hum of satisfaction you made when you drank from your cup. I know not many things surprise you nowadays, either. So, I'll take my pride in knowing I did— HA!

Hope you had a good night. And that you had a great birthday— yeah, that too!

Happy you're with me for another year.

See you around,

Hanji x

P.S: Thank you for the tea. Literally the best one I had!

[lucius-morningstar]

Common Ground (Part 2)

With a weird revelation. Vaggie figures why the hell not, see how much they have in common and answer some questions that made her curious. ------ Lucius: So.. What'd we do now since you and I are up here and you're intending to stick around till I come inside. Vaggie: Questions, if you don't mind answering them. Lucius: Don't judge if you don't like what you hear though. Vaggie: Fair, why do you think I don't like you. Lucius: My first interactions definitely don't help. Vaggie: You we're looking out for Charlie, can't blame you for that. Lucius: That and experiences of my own but and don't get this wrong I got a vibe you we're hiding more then you let on. Vaggie: I know, I'm a bad liar remember. Lucius: The horrible lies wasn't what got you down here, it was actually what got you in heaven though. Vaggie: What do you mean? Lucius: It just felt off, when Charlie was offering you a chance to come with her in a place she knew nothing about and instead of being right by her side you opted out. Which was very out of character for you. You're way more protective of her in new situations. Vaggie: You we're there. Lucius: And when has that stopped you before. Did you know Adam was going to be in that first meeting. The one dad sent her too instead of doin it himself. Vaggie: Would you judge me if I said yes. If he saw me there was no doubt he'd figure me out. Lucius: Would have benefited you and Charlie more if you got it out of the way sooner. Vaggie: That gives me another question, you found out I was an exorcist and your first thought wasn't to rip me apart. Lucius: Ooh it was one of my many thoughts and even more so after Adam outed you in front of everyone. Vaggie: Why didn't you. Lucius: Same as always. I know Charlie, she was hurt and angry sure but she'd be far more hurt and angry at me if I so much as shoved you to the floor and that was also tempting. I knew she'd forgive you with time. Otherwise she'd be an even bigger hypocrite but hey Charlie is all about forgiveness.. Vaggie: It must have really ticked you off when she sent you with me to Carmilla's. Lucius: It did, I hate leaving her alone with Alastor, bad enough I slipped away long enough for that fucker to get a deal out of her. Soul or not but I also had another reason to go with you. Vaggie: Why? Lucius: I was pissed, Clara knew what her mother had done for months and didn't even try to send me any word of it. I would have taken the fall for that kill just so I knew I'd have the info. I know why she hid it but fuck did it annoy me that it costed us a damn favor to that asshole. Vaggie: She say why? Lucius: Clara mentioned her mom didn't want a war to break out because she was scared of losing the only family she had which is fair but I was blinded by my own anger to look out for my family and yes that includes you by proxy. Vaggie: Well don't I feel loved. On the bright side though, Guess the Carmine's and the Morningstars are family now. Lucius: We'll see. I still haven't found out yet but I'm going to see and tell her tomorrow. I can't leave this off too long no matter how much it worries me. Vaggie: You think they'll really kill you? Lucius: Partly but it's more I'm worried we'll stop talking again. It took me so long to build up that nerve to talk and even longer for us to be okay again. I don't wanna lose her or them a second time, first time was partly my fault too and I don't want to do this again. Vaggie: ..Is it okay to ask about your past with them. Lucius: We'll be here a while, I hope you realize that. Vaggie: Charlie's asleep and she could sleep through a hell storm, we both know that. Lucius: *Snorts* Yeah she can. Alright get comfy then and I'll roughly explain how this shit started, blew up and.. yeah. Vaggie: Wait what gave me away if it wasn't the lies. Lucius: Well we have a book of sinners and I couldn't find your name or the name they have when they enter hell, on it. Vaggie: ..You have a what?! Lucius: Yeah I check that thing daily. Charlie tends to forget it, I'll explain just sit tight.

[stillaclownlol]

FROWNY.

I FINISHED THE BOOK.

UM. WHAT THE FUCK???

okay. so. Piper died??? Which kind of shocked me but she was literally making deals with a Demon so I’m not too upset. It was inevitable.

Um. GLENDOWER. THAT MOTHER FUCKER??? HE WAS DEAD ALL ALONG????? WHAT THE FUCK. Then Adam gets passed by the Demon and almost kills RONAN???? Damn. Okay. THEN RONAN ALMOST GETS UNMADE????? OKAY. THEN PERSEPHONE SHOWS UP??????? WTHAT. THE. FUCK.

Okay. GANSEY DIES. I mean. YeAh. Duh. But like. I was hoping he wouldn’t — but then. THEN CABESWATER REVIVES HIM??? He’s slightly less human than before and tbh I don’t mind that.

BUT ALSO. NOAH. MY SWEET SWEET BOY. HE WAS THE ONE WHO RESURRECTED GANSEY??

HE’S THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM TO LOOK FOR GLENDOWER??? (Well I guess not told but still!!!)

And Henry??? HENRY??? Oh my Lord he’s just shoe-horned into the group and I honestly am so happy he is. Because at least he has actual friends now?? And him Blue and Gansey are gonna go on a trip across the world??? HELL YEAH!!

And ADAM CONFRONTING HIS PARENTS??? That was so sad and sweet amdvskbejdbshjdhe. And Ronan??? UGH. ORPHAN GIRL HAS A NAME????

Holy shit this series was a wild ride and I’m honestly so happy you recommended it to me. I am in pain though. This book made me go through SO MANY emotions.

Exact Same reaction I had 💀

Yeah turns out making deals with giant wasp demons is...bad for your health...AND YEAH GLENDOWER WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME 😭 ADAM GETTING POSSESSED ALMOST BROKE ME ON FUCKING GOD WKHFOWHD SO DID RONAN GETTING UNAMDE AND AURORA DYING AKDKSHDKS AND

I'm so obsessed with how Maggie wrote Gansey's death I think about it constantly I slipped a little bit into a fic I wrote where Aiden does-

"He slipped quietly from time." DO NOT DO THIS TO ME WHAT THE HELL 😭

Hehshjsgdka yes in the next book you get some hints about him <3

It was so depressing to see him go through the future and see how his mom would ignore him even tho she was saying she still wanted to see him ☹️☹️☹️ like accurate bbut still...

YES HI OPAL MY DEAR LITTLE GOAT GIRL I LOVE YOU

Hehe I'm glad you liked it :) have fun with the dreamer trilogy ✨️ (they're even freaking longer)

[d20unfuckability]

Garthy Propaganda

(omitting only the many, many "need i elaborate?"/"it's self-explanatory" with no other comment on them responses, the only edits i've made to these are correcting a couple instances of misgendering and misspelled names)

"Over in the corner, you guys see what must be Garthy O'Brien. They're a tall, muscular, half orc aasimar. They're shirtless with a few accents of thin lined, geometric tattoo work around their wrists and biceps, as well as some floral tattoos on their midsection. They wear no shirt, but elaborate fabric-heavy harem pants and fine boots with like a myriad of like belts and straps and all that kind of stuff. Their head is shaved at the sides and back. Little flop of black hair on top. The irises are shimmering metallic gold. So it's like a halo superimposed on a jet black eye. They also have accented that by metallic silver makeup on their lips and a little around their eyes. You see that they have a massive two handed scimitar behind them that has a lot of like, gold rings, sort of stamped into the back of the blade. And there are gold rings jangling on the back of it. You also see that they have scars on their chest, as though they have gotten some kind of surgery, that they have like, disguised a little bit with some of those geometric celestial tattoos."

"first time i ever considered Brennan attractive"

"Nonbinary people are objectively hot especially when they have golden celestial tattoos also the voice Brennan does for them radiates comfort"

"HAVE YOUSEEN TJEM"

"This is self explanatory I feel like. Goddamn they're so fucking hot"

"Obviously? Their whole thing is like, angel succubus and also everything else, 10/10"

"They’re suave, they’re sexy, and I’d risk it all for them."

"They are the most pansexual sexy mother fucker in all of D20, frankly I don't blame Sandra Lynn, I would fuck them too and I don't think my wife would even be mad"

"i had to submit a second form because i cannot believe i forgot them. GOD they’re so hot. i’ve derived entire OCs just so i could create a character in their universe that had a SLIVER of a chance of getting with them. i don’t even have WORDS for how hot they are just pure unbridled unthinking lust. and you KNOW they’re a good fuck too. like they KNOW what they’re doing. sandra lynn didn’t cheat on jawbone for shit sex, like that questionable choice was arguably worth it."

"they’re a pirate, they’re trans, what more can you ask for"

"Sandra Lynn and I have some stuff in common"

"I have eyes and a pulse??? sexy non-binary pirate with the biggest dick energy on the planet…. sweet Jesus……."

"This is entirely self explanatory I feel, but they have to be the single hottest NPC Brennan has ever done. They're live in a pirate city! You might also get to fuck Sandra Lynn and/or Jawbone if they're down! They'd be infinitely respectful of you! There are no Ls here."

"I’m asexual (??? maybe just ace-spec, who knows) but I once had a dream about Garthy that was the closest I’ve ever gotten (and probably the closest I ever will get) to a sex dream. Also I made a compilation of literally every single word they speak because I’m so obsessed with their voice (I don’t want to post it on main for reasons, but I’m considering making a sideblog just to post it…would you reblog it if I tagged you 👀👀)"

"EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM"

"I think I’m mostly just in love with Brennan saying ‘Lovey’"

"CANONICALLY fuckable. just ask jack brakkow"

"Smooth, silver tongued, confident, they know how to take care of their patrons and partners alike. Flirty, fun, hot."

"see. we all know they're hot and fuckable and cool as hell. we all know this"

"Yes."

"Pansexual hedonist, plus that accent"

"It’s the voice (also everything else they do)"

"intelligent, considerate, and nonbinary"

"the voice, the gender, the everything"

"Nonbinary. hot."

"The origin of Night yorb is their name. Orc satanist. Gnc. Buisness owner. The child and parent of ayda (my beloved.) But most of all they just got it going on. Milkshakes to the yard and all that"

"this is honestly objectively true. gold gardens. they’re just fuckable. their art? their tattoos? that fucking accent?????????? beautiful handsome attractive kind"

"They’re just. Hot. The pirate theme is smth but also just, they’re shirtless and full of good fashion honestly I would kill for the chance"

"they are a truly GORGEOUS individual, and their fashion sense is second to none. Garthy seems to be a bit of a cheeky flirt to be sure, but they're also a deeply caring & emotionally tuned-in person, & I reckon their foreplay & aftercare game goes buckwild. 10/10 would love to have a several-week-long pleasure binge at the Gold Gardens after a hard year's adventuring. They've got a 21 in charisma & if you didn't realise that just seeing them for the first time, you'll know it for sure after your first night with them! ;)"

"have you seen them. their whole thing is fucking people. HAVE YOU SEEN THEM. canonically fucks incredibly well"

"Look they run a brothel and they've had sex with both parts of a monogamous couple they know what to do ok. And their vibes are so comforting I love them. And also they're hot."

"Their whole deal + Descended from celestials specialized in fucking people into being decent."

[bitchfitch]

Waking up after dying should've felt different from rolling out of bed after a rough night, but it didn't. There was the same bleery grogginess, and the same soreness in Heisenberg's neck from too many hours spent hunched over his work bench. His back creaked as he sat up off the compacted dirt of the lot behind his dearly departed factory. He still remembered it getting blown to hell, the fury of that poor idiot Papa raining on him, then him dying.

He wanted to be angry. Furious. Spitting livid that he failed and that pathetic little man clearly failed too. Heisenberg was alive again, so Miranda must be too. Her use for him clearly being renewed after facing down poor papa and finding him just as worthless as he thought he was.

But none of his rage came. He could feel nothing but the utter calm that usually only existed in surgical wards while a date and time of death were being announced.

He was already dressed again, his clothes having apparently reformed with his body. He stood, straightened out his coat, found where his hat had blown off too in the minutes or hours between it and him rising from the dirt and him waking up, and stalked off to go see what the actual fuck was up.

-

The lycans were up again too. Shambling around with vacant eyes like proper undead cretins should. None of them reacted much when he called out. The one he shoved didn't so much as flinch when it hit the ground, just got back up and continued its slow trek to wherever the ugly fuckers were walking.

"Karl!" a familiarly grating voice called.

The flash of irritation over hearing Moreau use his given name was almost welcome after so many minutes of blank nothing.

"What're you shouting about?!" Heisenberg called back, turning just enough to catch sight of the bastard.

"Did you die too?!" Moreau hobbled along the iced over stone path with his cloak pulled tight around himself. Heisenberg let his lip curl in a sneer as he approached. Cold blooded or not, he was just as native to this shit hole as Heisenberg was. Fucker should be able to handle the cold.

"What's it to ya?" he spits turning back to continue his investigations.

"I died, and now I'm not dead. You might have suffered the same? Has Mother told you why she brought us back yet?" Moreau followed him one step too close.

"Haven't heard a word from the bitch," Heisenberg kicks the body of a villager that was frozen to the ground. He didn't have a scrap of hope that his sisters would stay dead, but at least it seamed the peasantry would be staying down.

"Oh... She's going to be so cross with us for failing... Oh no," Moreau mumbles, "She's bringing the lycans too her- should we go too?"

"What?"

"You didn't notice?" he sounds too fuckin pleased with himself for Heisenberg's liking, "They're going to the altar. All of them, like they were called."

He hadn't noticed, the beasts were moving like they had an end destination, but they weren't all taking the same path or walking in their packs.

"Boys!" Dimitrescu called. Her mannerly tone was strained by the shout. She was wrapped up in one of her furs, her wretched little daughters following her with the same vacant eyes the lycans had.

"Morning sleeping beauty. Bout time you joined the party." Heisenberg rolled his eyes behind his shades.

"I will have you know I've been up for ages. My daughters just needed tending too. They-" She's interrupted by one of them shouldering past her, the other sisters following the first like Dimitrescu wasn't even there, "They are acting like that! They don't seem to hear a word I say!" she grimaces.

"Enviable," Heisenberg steps to the side to let them pass him, only to collide with the mess of fabric that was Beneviento. He jolts away from her and the doll clutched in her arms like she was a child with a simple toy.

"Mother is not who calls them." Angie prattles for her.

"Of course it's Mother!" Moreau says. "It's Mother because Mother killed that bastard and brought us all back to help with our new little sister!"

"She did not."

"She did! She still loves us!"

"She's dead, Salvatore."

"Stop," Heisenberg interrupts, putting himself between them before they could start bickering "How do you know that?"

"I can hear them- The person who woke us. They're not Mother, but they sound like her."

"What do they want with us?" Dimitrescu called over her shoulder, tailing behind her daughters after another fruitless attempt to stop their trek.

"I don't know yet. They're still sleeping. Dreaming of that little baby and her birth mother." Beneviento follows her, leaving the brothers to either join them in this march or be left out of the discussion.

"Oh! It must be Eva then. She will soon wake mother too." Moreau opted to follow.

Heisenberg bit his tongue as he strides to be in line with Beneviento. One jailor traded for another was not the freedom he had fought for, but there was still a chance he could recycle his plans-

"It's not her either, I think."

-

The Ceremony Site sat whole despite all that had happened in the last... day? Heisenberg still hadn't been able to piece out how long they were all down for, but it felt like things should have the decency to be more destroyed than the were. The village as a whole should be a lot worse off after the ugly mess that's gone down, and yet, it was only his factory that still laid in ruin. Like it all still stood as a personal insult to him. He grit his teeth and waited to feel the anger he was still clawing for as they approached.

The centeral altar was obscured by the dozens of lycan who had already shambled their way here, Dimitrescu's daughters joining their number in blankly staring at whatever was in the middle of their huddle.

Heisenberg didn't wait around, he shoved past the ugly beasts to see what was at the heart of this.

It laid at the foot of the alter, half wrapped around it. An inky black mess of a thing that twitched like fetus pulled from its mother too early. Dark roots leaked from it, plunging through the stonework as though it had bored perfect holes for itself through the rock. They had all seen the Black God in the moments before that witch knocked them out and implanted the cadous in their chests, but this... It was made of the same rot, but it's surface was smooth and calm. The twitching came from deep within it instead of being innate to every roiling inch of its surface.

"What Is that?" Dimitrescu wrenched him back by his shoulder so she could take her turn gawking.

"Fuck if I know," Heisenberg jerked free of her grip, shoving a lycan out of the way so he could stay near enough.

"It's Mother, Right? It's not the Black God itself. I can tell," Moreau kept his distance still.

"It's not her. It's not the god either but it's what woke us."

"Not Eva, Not Miranda- Rose then?" Heisenberg crouched down near what he thought was the head end of the shape. It was almost person shaped, a tad shorter than Beneviento was tall, but where it was it's widest it was nearly his own size.

"Perhaps? I think it's still forming, everything is all muddled and confused in its mind."

Dimitrescu sighed as she straightened up, "It's what's making the lycans and my daughters behave as such?" she crossed her arms tightly, "Or is it another symptom of what dragged us all back?"

Beneviento hummed. Turning from their group to carefully grab hold of one of the daughters' hands.

"Oh, poor thing... It wants it's young, I think,"

The ugly thing spasmed as Heisenberg tuned them out.

What 'it' wanted didn't fucking matter.

He stood from where he had knelt, rocked his weight onto his back foot and took a brief second to calculate for himself how bad of an idea this was, before saying 'fuck it' and bringing the whole of his force down on the things head.

It crunched under his boot's heel like a fragile skull should. Then, Heisenberg felt himself be engulfed by the grip of death once more.

(chapter 2 here)

[nrcnewspaperclub]

Part two of getting banned from every dorm

So idia is. Not as easy to find as most other housewardens. He does not leave his room like, ever.

I managed to catch ortho in the lounge and asked if I could speak to idia, to which ortho said I could just tell him whatever it was I wanted to tell idia. I told him it was somethinf I absolutely had to say to idia himself, to which ortho said he’d try his best to get me in contact with him. I then asked what Idia’s favorite anime is, I don’t remember how to spell the name it was some weeb shit (and I don’t wanna piss off other fans) so I’ll call it Some Anime.

Pls note I have never seen or heard of this anime in any capacity and my best friend is the 2nd biggest weeb in the whole school, second only to idia himself.

Anyway, ortho never got back to me. But I did run into idia on one of the three times he leaves his room in a month, he was in the kitchen pretty late at night getting snacks. I asked him why ortho wasn’t getting them for him but appearantly ortho was charging? Idk it was like 12am I was just getting some water cuz I have a normal sleep schedule and don’t eat Oreos by the box at 12am like some of us do

Obviously neither of us wanted to make small talk cuz we were both out of it as hell, but I managed to make an off handed, “hey aren’t you into Some Anime? I just finished it yesterday.” In reality I had skimmed the list of character names on google and vaguely memorized how many episodes there were and a brief summary, I don’t know shit abt the plot or any of the characters past their names.

When I tell you this mother fucker lit up, I almost felt bad for what I was abt to do cuz he looked more joyous than I’d ever seen him. He asked who my favorite character was to which I said the first one I thought of and he seemed generally nuetral on that character, I was hoping to pick someone he despised but oh well. I started simple, a “yeah I enjoyed it at first but the plot kinda got lost around episode 6”, to which he drops a “episode 6? That’s like the best one in the season.”

“I thought it was a bit fast paced… didn’t quite get the point across very well.”

To which we start bickering and he somehow has still not noticed that I have not seen this fucking show in my life, also I was stealing his Oreos here and there

He looked livid by the end, the tips of his hair were turning orange. Then I “accidentally” knocked his box of Oreos off the counter, spilling and/or breaking what was left. He looked like he was desperately trying to compose his temper and told me to go back to my dorm (literally told me to go to my room 💀) to which I said smth to effect of “yknow, I don’t think I wanna live under your roof anymore.”

So now, I am typing this from the hall of mirrors, in the middle of the night. I’ll probably head to Scarabia cuz I know a couple ppl there and they seem welcoming enough, but I am, as it stands, homeless, I think. Idk. Ortho will probably let me back in tmrw so idk if this is even a success but yeah

-🐾

you could’ve spared the Oreos. They did nothing wrong.

[haiihellooo]

I know I talk too much, but I had to get this out, because, like I said, I have nothing better to do. Okay, so, first of all I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!! I don't know why so many things piss me off, like, to the point where I'll be like "I won't think about this tonight" and it keeps me up all night. Idk if this is some childish shit or I'm genuinely gonna burst a blood vessel. Some stupid fucker says something online and I HAVE to respond. Misunderstandings piss me off so much, and with that, I will name shit that's been pissing me off lately. 1. The comic Lydia situation- I LOVE comic Lydia to death, and I'm sure the two people who, yearly, accidentally click on my posts know that too, but these DUMBASS bitches don't know that. Every FUCKING time I see a post about comic Lydia, it's some braindead idiot saying the same thing we've seen a million times. YES, SHE LICKED CARL'S EYE! WE FUCKING GET IT! "I can't believe Lydia would do that 🥺" If it's so traumatizing, DON'T.READ.THE.COMICS! Another thing is how Lydia was 16 and Carl was 13. I've already established that I ONLY ship TV!Carl X Comic!Lydia/TV!+Comic!Carl (whatever fucking fusion I created) X Comic!Lydia, but people be saying shit like "OMG, LYDIA'S SUCH A CREEPY CREEPER FOR THAT 😭😭!" Bffr, bitch, this girl has been to hell and back, AND was taught so much bullshit. 1. That childhood didn't exist, 2. That people could do WHATEVER the hell they want to her, and 3. That she was an animal. What the fuck do you expect? Lollipops and daisies? Open your eyes, brotha. For some reason, people are saying that Lydia SA'd Carl and trauma dumped on him about her situation at camp. Really? That's what we're going with? Dude, she was TAUGHT to DO these THINGS! Holy CRAPPPPAPAPAP!! 2. The SHOW Lydia situation- This girl makes me want to peel the skin off of my nonexistent balls. People will sympathize for TV Lydia SO much! "She didn't deserve what she went through!!" Be so fr. TV Lydia didn't even scratch the surface of what comic Lydia went through. Sure, she was in a shitty situation too, but girl got TWO boyfriends AND two father figures. Comic Lydia got slapped in the fucking face by her mom, and, in the end, didn't even get to be with Carl. Wtf is this? And people say: "Well, she got bullied." I'm not sure being bullied is worse than being r-worded and nearly killed to spite your mother. I see all these FUCKING "TV Lydia >>> Comic Lydia" shit. What did this girl do? They make her seem like a monster for doing WHAT SHE WAS TAUGHT! If someone tells you "Hey, y'know red means go and green means stop" from the time you're 10, I bet you'd get hit by a fucking 18 wheeler. Another thing, that bitch was ANNOYING! Jesus Christ, I don't wanna sound one-sided but HOLY CRAP! Nothing against Cassady, but "WAAA, MY MAMA HATES ME!" Girl, stop. The Chandler Riggs situation- Stfu about this horse shit. It never happened. Kys. Free my man Chandler 💪 Empty fanbase- I can't do it. I can't fucking do it. I have to keep recycling the same comic Lydia images over and over and OVER AGAIN! There's hardly ANY fanart of her, hardly ANY edits, and the ONLY time I see anything with her "Me reacting to Lydia licking Carl's eye 🤓" These pussy baby bitches, bro. I'm literally alone here. Whenever I try to defend my point online, some overweight person behind a computer SHITS on my FUCKING point, leaving me looking like a damn idiot. All because I'm saying you shouldn't label a kid as a creep because she's scared. But NOOOOOOOOOO, one person says something and the fucking hivemind begins. I'm here with my SCRAPS of comic Lydia content. My SHITASS DRAWINGS, all because people, for some reason, want this girl dead. And with that, I will stfu. Idgaf. Suck my ass. Show Lydia sucks ass, (not) respectfully. I will defend comic Lydia 'til this earth blows. My girl deserves better. If comic Lydia has one fan, it's me. If she has zero fans, I'm dead. And, yes, I will keep being dramatic and rant about dumb shit I read online.

[gunslinginnhogtyin]

Jonas is standing there in front of Butch and well. He's certainly looking...different. He's dressed himself up unusually fancy too. We're talking full formal attire, top hat and gloves and everything.

Despite the very put-together appearance, it's apparent in Jonas's face that he's not had a good night. There's dark circles under his...yellow bloodshot eyes.

He takes off the top hat, smooths his hair over (he's even appeared to tame it with gel, a formidable feat with that floofy hair) and then offers a black-gloved hand.

"*Butch. Allow me to formally introduce myself. You may call me Mr. Fox.*" he says. His mouth thins. Between that loud hum at the back of his skull making him want to claw his brains out of his head and his own feelings about this whole affair, there's a lot to suppress and it's all he can do to keep himself impassive and calm. He inhales deeply through his nostrils.

"*I've come to offer both my apologies on my behavior. And a truce...*"

// @foxedthecards

As soon as the presence comes within a certain vicinity of him, he can tell its familiar and even before his eyes find Jonas’s form, he knows who it is.

A glare is cast the well dressed man’s way, a clear sign he’s not at all happy to be confronted by this thing. He didn’t fancy being made into a fool nor did he fancy what he perceives as the manipulation of his close friends. Why else would Jonas’s memory be so horrible? He had forgotten his name on many occasions despite reminding him time and time again. Why was that? Now he has suspicions that Mr. Fox had played a part in all of that.

“Mother fucker, you got some s’plainin’ t’do b’fore I accept any kind’f apology from yer ass.” He sneers in response, swatting that gloved hand away from himself. How dare he approach him so casually after all of this?

“Why’re ya suddenly ‘pologizin’ anyway? ‘Cause y’got Artair fooled? Well y’sure as hell ain’t got me fooled.” He eyes that tie Fox wears, considering yanking it as hard as he can… but he refrains, knowing it would hurt Jonas if he did so.

[justahopelessaromantic]

Let there be damage ensued and tabloid news and that kind of love (Scene 1: Honey, I laugh when it sinks in)

Fandom: South Park Ships: Bunny (Kenny/Butters) Link to Scene 2 Accompanying Playlist for this Fic on Spotify and Youtube Disclaimer: The author of this work does not condone/endorse the messages, themes, and concepts presented by South Park. Considering how said work is melodramatic gay fanfiction written in theatrical script format of all things, I'm sure this seems reasonable to assume. However, it’s astonishing how many times I've stumbled upon people in this fandom who are wholehearted believers of almost everything the show says, and, quite frankly, I would rather evaporate from this plane of existence than potentially be presumed as a bigot or, god forbid, a centrist. Summary: In the wee hours of the morning, a prayer is answered. (Or:) "Your friends are a fate that befell me / Hell is the talking type / I'd suffer Hell if you’d tell me / What you'd do to me tonight"

SETTING:

An upper-middle-class kitchen in the dark. Blood is everywhere. Two corpses, dressed fairly plainly and modestly while appearing as somewhere in their mid-40s, are spread across the room. The man is bleeding out via gunshot wound while the knife, covered in blood, peanut butter, and jelly, is still sticking out of the woman’s throat. Two PB&J’s rest next to a children’s lunchbox. The crusts on one are only partially cut off. A part of the floor has sticky white stuff splattered here and there. The kitchen window shines a ray of blue/white light into the room that lands right between the window and the woman’s body. The audience can see the stove. The soft sound of its humming is optional, but preferred.

BUTTERS is standing opposite of the man’s body on the other side of the room, holding an overly large shotgun in hand. A beat passes. He‘s still frozen as he drops it, only fliching as it hits the ground. A beat passes. He shakily stumbles over to the window, completely out of it as he awkwardly steps over her body before sinking to his knees in front of the window. He folds his hands on the windowsill before a beat passes. He suddenly remembers himself, shutting his eyes, bowing his head, and bringing one of his hands to his throat. He makes a cross with his hands while reciting the beginning of a Hail Mary prayer like someone who’s memorized it perfectly but is clearly in shock. He speaks with a heavy southern drawl and accent.

BUTTERS

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Now trembling, he laces his fingers together again.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou amongst women, and blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now…and at the hour of our death. Amen.

A beat passes. He begins, sounding unsure of himself, almost like he’s perpetually asking a question.

…Dear lord…Hi…I know we haven’t exactly spoken in a while, and- and I do apologize for that!...I’m sure it must be frustrating, waiting on one of your most devoted followers to check in. Lord knows- Oh, whoops! My bad. I know it drives me up the wall when I text my friends about hanging out over the weekend and then ERIC don’t even say nothing about it until third period. O-or when KENNY calls me back, but it takes him a sec, and then when ya pick up the phone, his throat’s all deep and scratchy and you know he’s not really calling to talk. He’s just calling to show off, ‘cause he knows I can tell he just got some good pussy, I can smell it on his breath through the damn phone line. So then- then he starts going on about how he’d loooove to make plans, and “How was your day, Leo?”, and “Hey, Bun bun, I aced that test you tutored me on, ain't ya just so proud of me?” Fucker. All while that poor girl’s probably just sitting there, waiting for him to just quit his yammering, so she can finally get some fucking beauty sleep!

(Snapping his fingers and pointing)

Or- Or when you call your parents about the list they left you ‘cause it just don’t make any sense, but they only pick up while they’re pulling into the driveway, and by then it's too late and you're practically grounded already, so you’re all like “Well, to hell with it!”. And then you get into even more trouble for saying that, even tho-

(Pausing for a second before remembering himself and folding his hands again)

..Oh…Sorry. I don’t mean to make any excuses or nothing. I know missing your nightly prayers still ain't acceptable behavior…Well, I mean…

(Gesturing vaguely)

I know none of this is acceptable behavior. What I said, what I did. I- I just…

Butters makes a frustrated sigh borderlining between a growl or groan. He continues, voice gradually getting shakier until Butters is barely holding back the waterworks.

Everyone’s coming here for the wake…and my uncles are already real sore, I bet. ‘Bout grandma dying…Can’t imagine how sore they’ll be, seeing what I did to their baby sister!

Butters bursts into tears at the phrase “baby sister”, burying his face in his hands and letting out a few sobs.

And how sore I’ll be if they figure I should-

He lets out a choked sob before taking in a shuddery breath and exhaling slowly to collect himself, voice grave and wavering.

…I know I ain't in any position to ask for nothing, on account of what I’ve done…But if you could just send down something nice…like a sign or something, or…

(Pausing, his tone shifting into something soft)

…or an angel…Yeah…yeah, an angel. The loveliest one you got, won’t you?…One I could trust.

A beat passes. Kenny climbs through the open window, speaking in a muffled voice.

KENNY

(Sly)

Sure you need one, ‘cause I’m looking at-

Butters stumbles back as Kenny lands face first before frantically scrambling to his feet. A beat-up parka covers his mouth and hair. The hood has fur lining the edge. He’s illuminated by the light as he stares at the dead father before slowly lowering his head to meet Butters’s gaze. A beat passes.

BUTTERS

(Overjoyous)

That’ll do!

Butters throws his arms around Kenny’s legs, burying his face in them. Kenny does not move.

KENNY

(In abject horror)

…Holy shit, dude.

(Looking over to the mother’s corpse and pulling down his hood, unmuffling his voice)

…The hell did you get dragged into this time?

BUTTERS

(Cheerily)

Nothing!

KENNY

(Trying to sound casual, but still failing)

Ah, so this is all a morbid hallucination my fried brain cooked up…That checks out.

BUTTERS

(Realizing)

Oh! Well, no, this ain't nothing! This is landing me a one-way ticket to hell. I mean I didn’t get dragged into it.

KENNY

…Meaning…like, Cartman’s not gonna burst out of your dad’s dead body and start waving around his lower intestine in a victory dance? This is all you?

BUTTERS

Yup!

(Letting go of Kenny to sit criss-cross applesauce, peering up at him contently as he starts taking care of evidence)

You see, my mom came in while I was packing lunch for the both of us, and she starts hollering about me being a perv and a homewrecker, and I didn’t quite get what she meant, so I ask her, right? So she whips out this old condom my uncle musta left from yesterday, and I figure she suspects my old man, so I try to explain myself, but she just kept yelling and crying—And, she’s getting real hysterical, Ken! Think she might’a had too much wine at the funeral.

KENNY

(Not looking up from what he’s doing)

Oh, I believe it!

BUTTERS

(Giggling)

So-so she keeps waving that…

(Gradually growing more anxious and uncomfortable before delving into pure rage)

…thing around. And I start explaining even harder and she just keeps dangling that thing in my face and some of my-my stuff starts spilling on the floor. And then I start fretting over stepping in it and how pissed off my dad’s gonna get if I don’t clean up in time, and how he’s almost home, and how mom’s just…holding the proof- I didn’t even have to tell her! She’s fucking holding it! Which means she knows, and she’s just standing there, yelling at me! And…well, by then, she was just yelling at the lord, I think, but she just-

(Trembling and crying tears of anguish and anger)

I just couldn’t-

Kenny whips around at the sound of crying. At some point, Butters has stood up in anger, now facing the audience.

Stop thinking about how I was…

He trails off, roughly whipping under his nose with an open palm and sniffling before hitting the side of his thigh twice in frustration. He balls it into a fist and hits himself a third time, gingerly shaking his head before turning back to face Kenny.

…What’d you call it again?

KENNY

…Assaulted?

BUTTERS

(Aggressively pointing)

Yeah, that! I was- I got assaulted-

Butters stumbles. Before he can collapse onto the floor in violent, furious sobs and gasps, Kenny catches him, holding him up in his arms and keeping a steady grip. Constantly switching from burying his face into Kenny’s arm and screaming in his face, Butters tries to pull himself together multiple times while ranting. He doesn’t fully succeed once. Slightly frantic and at a bit of a loss for words, Kenny doesn’t waver once, though he sounds like he’s just on the cusp of doing so. He just keeps eye contact, fervently hanging onto each word.

He fucking touched me and I was a baby and she was holding it in her fucking. Hands-

Butters stomps his foot on the words “fucking” and “hands”. He lands on Kenny’s foot the second time. Kenny does not let go.

And she still didn’t do shit, and it was a big fucking deal! I mean, it was, right?

KENNY

(Anxiously reassuring)

Yeah, yeah, it was, man.

BUTTERS

And I just thought that somebody should be…someone shoulda been doing something about it, yaknow? And they didn’t! So I did it- I did something.

KENNY

You did. I can tell.

BUTTERS

I told that fuck- I said “I don’t! Care! Somebody has to pay for what happened to me, and if God won’t do it, you will!” And then I shoved it in her throat and I laughed in her face, and then dad storms in screaming his freaking damn head off and I didn’t trust him, I never did-

KENNY

As you should.

BUTTERS

So I watched him go for that fucking belt, the bastard, and then I got pissy, ‘cause he didn’t even have to kill his mom, she croaked all on her own, and the last kid she put her fucking hands on was me, Kenny, me! Not him, me!

KENNY

I know, dude. I know.

BUTTERS

And, and I got the shotgun off the wall and I fired two, I fired two warning shots, and I felt bad, so I cried, and my eyes got blurry, so, so I missed, but I don’t care! I did it. I did it, goddamnit. I did it all on my own, Ken! I did it all by myself!

Butters finally falls apart, hysterically sobbing into Kenny’s shoulder as Kenny pulls him into a bear hug. He rubs circles into Butters’s back, scrunches a hand into his hair, and alternates between shushing him, whispering sweet nothings, and roughly planting kisses all over the top of his head. He starts crying, though he’s notably much more composed than Butters.

KENNY

You did, you did, man! You did it all by yourself, and now everything's gonna be okay, and I’m gonna take care of everything, and I’m so, so, fucking proud of you, Bunny, holy shit, I’m so fucking proud!

BUTTERS

(Looking up and gasping for breath)

Honest?

KENNY

(Letting out a watery cackle)

Fuck yeah, are you kidding me? Dude, I just slit my mom’s throat and booked it.

(Hoisting Butters up and spinning him around)

This shit was performance art, baby!

BUTTERS

(Giggling while slapping Kenny’s shoulders and kicking wildly)

Kenny! Kenny, put me down, ya silly! I’m gonna puke!

KENNY

And miss this lovely view?

BUTTERS

(Slightly annoyed, but still in good spirits)

Kenny!

KENNY

(Chuckling as he sets Butters down and bends over)

Sorry! Shit, sorry. C’mon, hard part’s over, man. Now I get to teach you about all the cool, sexy stuff I learned from the investigative murder porn channel. You know, the one you're such a scaredy cat about.

Butters, now riding on Kenny’s back, piggyback-style, shoves a fist in the air and cheers. Kenny laughs and walks offstage. LIGHTS OUT.

[casspurrjoybell-21]

Pirate Chains - Volume 2 - Against Tides

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter 5 - Word of Honor - Part 1

Agenor

At dawn, I was walking towards the camp.

I glanced behind me to the few pirates that I had bought along with me and they were all annoyed.

Of course they were, they would rather drink, eat and fuck whores than being stuck with their Captain in a bad mood.

Yesterday, I was suppose to meet a black market merchant that I did some nice business with several times before.

I got to the whorehouse, where we usually meet and discuss, only to find the old man had died and a wimp of a servant was there to make the deal, with ME.

I had to sail all the way to Ganae, a neighbouring Shadow Island, to meet the old man's son and to make it clear to him that I don't make deals with servants.

In the end, I didn't like the fucker.

He was not made for trading and he wanted to get my best weapons for half price.

I gave him a piece of my mind, I really wanted to cut his throat for insulting me with the lousy deal and for the way he was talking like I needed his money.

But unfortunately his mother saved him from between my hands.

If I drew a line for killing people would be spilling blood in front of their mother.

I already know many important people around here.

I'll easily manage to get the gear sold for their proper price.

I would rather throw the lot into the sea with my own hands than make a deal with half-assed merchants.

I walked on the sand, tired and annoyed as hell.

This is so typical of the Goddess of Fate, treat someone who is good, badly and it will bite you in the ass.

And I knew just why my luck in business had turned it's back on me, today.

'This Karma bitch works so damn fast.'

I stomped in frustration as that same feeling burnt inside me again... guilt.

I never knew it could be this damn strong.

I always did what I wanted, no expectations necessary and no excuses afterwards either.

And it had worked wonderfully so far.

Never looking back had made me the owner of one of the strongest pirate crews roaming the seas, along with a name that reached much further than I had actually sailed.

But it seems that things don't actually work the same way in love.

This damn feeling is so beautiful but so fucking complicated.

Agenor: 'I mean we were okay, right? We were amazing. But no... Nyx had to sneak around and ask others our destination and I was almost the only one he didn't ask or confide in.'

It's not my fault, so this fucking Karma is unjustified.

Okay, maybe just a little bit my fault.

I know I've been harsh with him.

I could treat any one of the pirates that way and they would kiss my ring.

But Nyx? No fucking way.

He has too much pride to swallow such a thing.

And he's also so sensitive.

I try to be careful with him but I was bound to fail.

He's a nobleman and you shouldn't expect those to kneel easily.

But he's a gentleman that likes to wipe the floor and serve pirates if it means he won't owe them anything.

That's how beautiful his honor is.

A strange mix or courage and weakness, dignity and modesty.

A sweet combination that observes you behind a set of mesmerizing sea-blue eyes.

Agenor: 'Shit, I miss him.'

I accelerated my pace the light from the few torches we carried was slowly being replaced by the sunrise.

Agenor: 'Aye I fucked up.'

But maybe he'll forgive and forget.

That would be great but It's obviously a child's dream.

If only there was a plant that could wipe a few days worth of memory... Lord, I would pay a fortune for that plant.

I'd give it to Nyx, then have some myself.

He'd forget the way I treated him and distrusted him and I would get rid of this fucking guilt.

By the time we reached the camp the sun was out on the horizon.

I nodded to the pirates standing guard and continued to my tent.

I saw Ace lying on the beach, dead drunk with jars surrounding him and a whore sleeping beside him.

Others were dispersed here and there, most of them asleep, very few still had the strength to drink.

I grabbed a torch and a small bag from one of the pirates that followed me, then I dismissed them all.

I entered my tent and my mood softened at the sight of him, lying there on his right side, fast asleep on the cold sand.

I cursed under my breath for forgetting to give him sheets and a blanket to sleep on and to cover himself.

My head is so fucking in the clouds, these days.

I stuck the torch in the sand in the middle of the tent to keep it illuminated and put my sword on the side.

I opened one of the boxes and grabbed a sheet and blanket.

That's my Nyx.

He would never dream of putting his hands on somebody else's things.

I could keep a pile of gold beside him and he wouldn't touch it.

Alright, maybe he's organize it but not take any of it.

He liked things to be put neatly where they belonged.

When we are on the Martina, I sometimes threw my clothes on the floor on purpose just to watch him bend over, gather them one by one and fold them back into my boxes.

I kneel beside him and cover him with a sheet.

Then I remove his hair away from his face and watch him sleep.

He is so beautiful.

Yet a frown seems to disturb is dreams.

I went to kiss his frown away but before my lips reached him, his eyes flew open.

He got startled and went to sit up abruptly and our foreheads met with a painful bump.

He hissed in pain and grabbed his forehead.

"You're back."

"Aye. Go back to sleep, Nyx. It's still early."

"It's okay. I'll get up now."

His eyes looked around to avoid mine.

"If you have done with sleeping then we'd rather get going."

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you somewhere. Oh and here."

I grabbed the bag I had bought with me and pulled a pair of shoes out.

"I bought these for you. I ordered for a pair of leather ones to be made but these will have to do until the others are ready."

"You remembered me?"

"Of course I did."

He looked at the shoes in what seemed like surprise.

I grabbed his foot and was about to slip it inside the show when he yanked his foot back nervously.

"I can do it my self."

He turned a little and started wearing them, when I noticed the scratches on his feet.

"You went outside, beyond the beach?"

He froze and I could almost smell his fear.

After a moment he answered...

"I went for a walk."

For a moment I thought my heart had stopped but he added immediately

"Ace was with me."

I breathed in and went to fondle the basket that was set with my boxes, still getting over the mini heart attack that my heart just felt.

I uncovered the basket to find it still filled with food.

Bread fruit and a small kettle filled with meat.

Everything was missing a tiny bit.

At least he eat, right?

Well I hope he was the one who ate it and not someone else.

Then again, if it was that monkey or another one of the hooligans, they would finished it all including the basket.

I gathered some of the food in a small bag, grabbing my sword and turned to find him standing up, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

I didn't know if it was caused by nervousness or the new shoes.

I didn't want to pressure him with an explanation so I let him be.

Agenor: 'Aye, now you let him be after you beat him two days ago. I didn't beat him. I just happened to push him a little. Fuck you, guilt.'

[meeludrawz]

Here's an ask thing

1. who's your favorite oc?

2. who was your first oc?

3. how many ocs do you have?

4. have you kept all of your

ocs since the beginning?

5. are any of your ocs based

off of a show/book you like?

if so, who?

6. what is the species of the

majority of your ocs?

7. are any of your ocs an

original species? if so,

what's the species and who?

8. if you can, draw (oc name)!

9. write a few sentences as

(oc name)!

10. are any of your ocs part

of a story? if so, what is it

about and who's in it?

11. do you have any twin ocs?

12. are any of your ocs

siblings?

13. what is the gender of the

majority of your ocs?

14. make up a new oc right now

based on (concept/show/color/

etc.)!

15. would you ever give up any

of your ocs?

16. who is your oldest oc

(age-wise)?

17. have you ever roleplayed

as your ocs?

18. how many of your ocs were

adopted from someone else?

19. who is your least favorite

oc?

20. which oc do you think has

changed the most since you

made them?

21. who is your newest oc?

22. have you ever cosplayed

your own ocs? if so, who?

23. which oc do you think has

affected you the most as youve

grown with them?

24. have you gotten cosplayers

of your ocs? if so, of whom?

25. do you have any ocs that

you havent drawn/written as/

talked about in a long time?

if so, who?

(Please ignore this if you either don't want to answer or have had this sent to you already)

Oh boy erm idk, but I do have like 6 mains characters! Matthews, Colefang, Torment, Rosa, Taïko and Meelu! 2. My very first male oc was Matthews! He's hmmmmmmmmm 15 or 14 yrs old now? He's almost like a son to me lmao 3. *Laughs nervously* More than 300? MOST OF THEM ARE BACKGROUND CHARACTERS, whaddya want, when I'm bored I create an oc or two, then I create their kids which is usually more than 3 4. Y e s, even if they're all background characters. Like dude- I spent hours coloring and making their lil family, I won't get rid of them 5. Erm a lot I guess? I have an MLP Next Gen au, I have a TMNT next gen au too, I have some Undertale ocs too, I have an MHA gal but Matthews, his family, friends and lover are based off LPS Toys Matthews was this guy at first, when I didn't know how to draw :3

But I ended up customizing this lps dude so he doesn't look like that anymore (I don't have a pic of him being customized) (Also yes, I kept all my lps toys) 6. Anthros/Furries because I learned drawing animals first! And also cuz my first ocs were lps toys LMAO 7. Yes! I have multiple but the most recent ones are called "Masks" I have made a post about it here: >Click<

8. I'll have to refuse because I will not have the motivation to finish it, but I'm planning to post something about my ocs soon! 9. Okay let's go! Let's write a few sentences as my main ocs Matthews: "I feel energized today! What could I do? Oh! I'll do some snowboard, skateboard, surf, soccer ah let's not forget volleyball!" Colefang: *His two oldest sons are fighting then turn to him* "...I'm not joining, you guys are old enough to figure shit alone... Don't forget the gun I guess" Torment: "My sexuality? As long as someone has an hole for my dick, I'm in" *Winks* Rosa: "Kids? Ugh I hate them- ELIJAH, IVORY IF YOU KEEP BEING LOUD I SWEAR TO HELL- KARSS YOU MOTHER FUCKER TAKE CARE OF YOUR GODDAMN KIDS" *Karss, her husband, pointed out that they're also her kids* Taïko: "You don't understand.. I can't leave my job, they'll kill me if I do.." 10. My main characters all have a story! They're all on the same planet named Andomery! :3 And they will all meet each others at some point 11. Yeah a lot! Matthews eldest daughters ARE twins, Matthews even has a twin brother skskskskksksksksksk 12. Yeah! Matthews has 5 siblings, Colefang has 1, Torment has 9, Rosa has 1, Taïko has 1 and Meelu also has 1 13. I don't know? I know at some point I had lots of girls so I started doing more and more boys to balance this out but at the moment, idk? I think it's balanced now 14. OH erm okay- I made envelopes with little papers in them for each category like- Specie, Gender, Colors.. LET'S MAKE A BABY SKELETON (I need one for my current fanfic lol) FIRST specie, well that's done.. GENDER let's pick number generator and put the max at 3. 1 = Girl, 2 = Boy and 3 = Nonbinary........... It landed on 1 ! A girl! :D Usually, when the character has parents, I pick all colors of both parents then choose randomely, a bit like a breeding game For example, her dad has yellow eyes and her mom are brown, so let's pick: Yellow, Amber, Orange, Bronze and Brown, which are 5 so max on the number generator will be 5. Number generator said 2! So she has amber eyes! So a white skeleton girl with amber eyes! How pretty :3 Idk what I'll name her yet 15. N o p e Tried even doing adopts, but can't 16. Matthews! He's about 14 or 15 yrs old! :D 17. Yes! Always! All the time! For example, in a Warrior Cats rp, I'll just make them look like normal cats and give them a warrior name. If I remember well, Matthews was named BarkFoot? 18. Maybe like 10? I know Meelu's oldest son was adopted from someone else 19. Queen Anastasia Bulcio and Calvin Wade. Anastasia is Matthews' aunt and she's a bitch. But the kind of bitch you don't like. (I'm saying this cuz Rosa is a bitch but I love her) and Calvin.. He's an asshole and Torment's ennemy. That's it lol 20. TORMENT HAHAHA at first he was one of the scariest characters I owned, he made the law in the streets and the king was almost nothing compared to him. But then he found love and now he's an adult-who-act-like-a-horny-troublemaker-teenager-24/7. He's so funny to play! 21. Well, the skeleton we made a few answers ago! 22. TAÏKO BACK WHEN HE WAS A WOLF AND NOT AN ORC! One of my ex-friend makes Fursuits and I was trying to make one too so she helped me, he looked awful. But it was him lol 23. I'd say Meelu, Matthews and Torment. Meelu has this confidence and inner peace that I'd wish I had. (Hi anxiety) Matthews' an optimistic and a bit dumb but his life is much easier since he doesn't worry and I wish I had that buuuut! I'm getting to it! I've been happier in the past few months! And Torment? Well uh I just love how he sees fun in almost anything and how he doesn't take everything seriously 24. Nu I didn't but I hope maybe one day? 25. Well a lot of them actually? Back when I was a child and teenager, I used to rp and play with them a lot but now that I'm an adult, I have less time for them and that's quite sad ngl Thanks for these questions anon! Have a good day/evening!!