#mostly writing this to remind myself to draw her ‘magical girl’ form

[candyheartedchy]

Thinking about how Poppy is technically a magical girl mascot in a way that she been searching the galaxy to find the person worthy of the magical trinket to fulfill their destiny to become a guardian until one day using it on herself for protection that it ends up giving her a sort of an Ice King/Simon effect on her that whenever she uses it, it makes her power hungry.

[ofmermaidstories]

Spoilers for the latest chapter of Something!

I'm gonna go ahead and apologize now because this is long; please feel free to ignore my wordy ass, I just have a lot of feelings about a certain someone that showed up in the new chapter lol.

I am still trying to get my shit together enough to write a proper review, but I did want to come yell at you for making the grape boy somewhat likeable, like...

Firstly, how??? Secondly, why?????!?!

Lmao, in all seriousness tho, it's nice to see him have a personality that isn't just "Mmmm, tits" *drools* I like to think that everyone in the series grows up and (mostly) out of the worst of their habits, and while Mineta is still a bit of a lecher here he isn't nearly as offensive/creepy as he comes off in show. In fact he's actually sympathetic in a lot way. The bit about seeing his first dead body before "getting laid" hit different like... He tries to play it off like a joke, but dude has to have just as much PTSD as the rest of them, maybe even more given that he wasn't able to fight back in the same way as someone like Bkg or Deku would be able to with their super powerful offensive quirks. They were all just kids, but they had to face hell full on from jump, and let me stop before I get too in my feelings lol.

In a lot of ways, he reminds of you the boys from school — crude. Taking for granted the safety from being in a pack, unchallenged. Leering at posters, saying off-colour things because no one corrects them.

That's exactly the way I view him, just a crude little thing that refuses to be put in his place for long lol. Still, with his being a hero I would hope that he keeps a cap on it while he's on the job--in fact I'm sure he does; if he didn't I'm sure that Aizawa would've yanked his licence by now, the likes of Deku and Kiri wouldn't continue to associate with him, and that's saying nothing of the shit that would get posted to social mead and such. I feel like the only reason he says what he says to the Reader is b/c she's a little gremlin herself and he knows he's got a bit more leeway, yanno?

The little hangout session that they had at the end of the chapter was weirdly heartwarming?? I want a friend(???) that I can be a surly little shit with and draw on and that will call my bf that's not really my bf but should be my bf because he's (that is Mineta) got more emotional intelligence than me lmao. Never thought I'd see the day when the grape would make for such an excellent wingman--tho I gotta wonder what that text he sent to Deku said. Probably something along the lines of "come get yo girl, she must be bored/lonely af because she asked to hang out with me" followed by "are you ever gonna close the deal or not? or have you already hit it??? >:)" just to give the guy an extra push (or maybe he's got a better sense of self-preservation than what I give him credit for, idk lmfaooo...)

Okay, this is WAY too long, I just had to get it out of my system lol. I loved the new chapter lots and I cannot wait to see how things play out in the next one!!

LOL, oh Puck, i adore you sdlkfjsdlkfjsdlkfj

me being a shit-stirrer/asking myself questions i don’t have answers for under the cut

Cat asked me this question earlier today, actually — why Mineta. And honestly? Part of it is the challenge he represents — like, how do you write him into a fic and mature him up so that he’s at the very least, tolerable, but also keep the backbone of his character (which is being a little degenerate). Like, is it possible? One of the most popular tags on ao3 for mineta minoru is something along the lines of “mineta minoru is replaced with shinsou hitoshi” LOL so…….. why didn’t I just use Shinsou? Or Aoyama or Iida, as Cat suggested? And beyond the part of me that delights in giving myself perceived challenges, there were two stark reasons that stuck out to me, when i was first mulling over his inclusion.

1) the fact that he can draw. it’s literally as simple as that. ever since the BNHA exhibition opened up in Japan and it was revealed that there was a scene in there with a class blackboard and the kids having their little drawing competition — and that Mineta was objectively the most skilled — i was like, “i have to include that”. LOL. it’s like you say, Puck, our Reader is a little gremlin herself — i thought if I was going to write a Reader that could handle interacting with him (ie, be in a position to pay him out) it was going to be this one. I think being in the manga industry and starting out on this journey of creating and drawing a Shonen manga sort of put Reader in this unique position of… being in what seems like a boys’ club? So she’d be used to the male gaze within her field. I follow Horikoshi’s assistant (former assistant?) on twitter and let me tell you, that man is not shy about the things that he likes to draw LOL.

the 2) thing was the philosophy i’ve sort of accidentally given myself LOL and that’s the fact that — as a Bakugou stan, if i’m giving grace to a character who was a literal violent bully then………. i can use my magic powers and hand it around to the other characters, too, LOL. and like, i would argue that with Bakugou it’s different, like we’re currently seeing in the manga how he has grown and learnt and is actively changing, which is the key to any kind of redemption. do i think Mineta will ever undergo that in cannon? absolutely not lmao, i see him as being being Hori’s idea of comedic relief, he’s always going to be a horrible little degen. but i want it for him…… if only to justify why the boys of Class-A collectively ignore his bullshit, for the most part? Like, none of them actively call him out on it?? i think of the time he tried to climb the wall to spy on the girls in the onsen — and how it was literally only Iida scolding him and how it took a child to stop him. Or the one when he found the stupid hole into the girl’s changing room and while the boys all looked grossed out….. Jirou’s the one that point an end to that?????? I saw a TikTok (derogatory) suggesting how like, none of the girls of Class-A would trust Aizawa, as adults, because he didn’t do anything to put an end to Mineta’s bullshit, and it was a devastating suggesting. None of us want to believe that our favourites would be passively okay with this kind of behaviour, right?? Which means……. Mineta’s gotta change LMAO. And if Hori isn’t going to do it then imma borrow him and do it myself. Does it work? I have no idea LMAO i can’t judge anymore, my meter is broken. but i’m gonna work with what i’ve given myself and it either will, or it won’t LMAOOOO kldsfjlksdjflkdj fic is about having fun at the end of the day. :’)

But it’s like you point out, Puck — Mineta is also a child, when these kids get trotted out to their first War. And he’s also not as offensively built as the hard-hitters like Deku and Bakugou and Shouto are. Even if it’s not explored in the manga, that War is going to change them all somehow.

So, my gameplan for Mineta was to grab ahold of the tiny things about him — the talent for drawing, the like one [1] observation he has about the wreckage of the war/pro heroes during the war arc, his tears for Bakugou when B wakes up afterwards and how he tells Deku how cool he was and how much he admires him, in the current Bring Deku Home chapters — and try to envision a sleaze bag who learns that the bullshit he pulls won’t be tolerated, even if he’s still ultimately a skeeze LOL. i mean, he’s never going to drop that er…. appreciation for the female form. and i mean, hey, live your best life King, i’ve distinctly noticed a hand-fetish floating around on this site lately so i’m not gonna be like “NO men can’t like ANYTHING”. But the thing with him being a sleaze and open with his leering is like, he’s actively made the girls of his class uncomfortable with that in the past — how do you write it so that he’s not doing that in a position of power with the women he works with (and saves!), as an adult?? Maturity only goes so far. How much can I bank on the war and the subsequent bullshit they’re gonna face from it on…. transforming him??? It shouldn’t be up to the girls he’s learning with to police him, they’re just children. I have a vague gameplan for it — whether or not it works will be one thing; whether i can naturally shove it into the fic is another, LOL. Guess we’ll see. 🧐

SAYING ALL THAT,,,,, i’m actually really glad you liked (???) the ending scene with him because it’s my favourite LMAO lkdjflkdsjflkdjfkldsjf. 😭😭 Reader is by no means perfect, and she and Mineta both need to start treating each other with more respect, but her bullying of him was fun to write and I like imagining a Mineta who considers himself to be close with Deku (whether or not Deku thinks the same is up for debate) going along with it. i could see this version of Mineta being enough of a shit-stirrer to say something like, “gotta lock that shit down” to Deku LMAO kdfjlkdsjflkdsfjdklsfj and then getting left on a skyscraper somewhere…. RIP short King.

[allthebest20]

Butter Honey Pig Bread by Francesca Ekwuyasi

8/10.  A joy to read and a great debut novel. I think the author has even better work ahead of her.  The characters are complex and unique, and the book explores modernity, pain, and generational spirituality in a very readable style.  I couldn’t help but make assumptions about the author as I read the book: definitely Nigerian, definitely a cook, definitely spent time in London and Canada, definitely queer, definitely raised in the Church, but also definitely spiritual.  The authenticity with which she writes, especially in regards to being queer in the modern world and the cultures of different places, is what makes this book great.  The story dances between the gruesome details of reality in the twenty-first century and romanticized views of youth and love. It raises a lot of questions in me about the international class system, wealth, and privilege.  

The only real complaint that I have is around one of the main plot points: the rape of Kehinde when she is 12.  While this is a turning point in all their lives, I feel as though it is also simultaneously underappreciated, as if the author choose this event simply because it was one of the worst things she could think of.  I think this is a common pit fall for authors.  A lot of traumatic things happen to this family: Kambi, the mother, is very mental ill, Banji, the twin’s beloved father, is murdered, Taiye, the queer twin, struggles with her own mental health.  Yet, the rape is regarded as the primary Bad Thing and all the other traumatic events are hardly discussed.  I appreciate how the author takes some time, maybe 1 chapter, to discuss Kehinde’s relationship to sex and her body.  Yet, Kehinde’s life seems to be mostly unaffected by this event, except in the way she punishes her family with her silence.  She is in a healthy relationship.  She does not abuse alcohol or drugs.  She has a successful career.  Ultimately, it’s not a book about overcoming childhood sexual abuse.  It’s a book about mending a family after years of pain, resentment, distance, and silence.  I almost feel as though the book could have been stronger if it focused more on the effects of Banji’s death and Kambi’s violence and depression on the twins.  Ultimately, though, sexual abuse is just a thing that happens to a lot of kids, and perhaps it serves a purpose to write a book where it happens, it’s horrible, but it doesn’t need to be put under a magnifying glass.  It just reverberates.

This book could have been about a lot of things.  When I picked it off the shelf at the library, I barely read the entire description, immediately caught by the spiritual nature of Kambi’s being and the brief mention of “reckless hedonism.”  I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Taiye was a lesbian, and I saw a lot of myself in her: the serial string of intense relationships, always slated to go nowhere, the indulgence in food and weed and dancing and occasionally other drugs, the loneliness and missing family but not being able to connect with them, the exploration of religion and spirituality and non-monogamy, seeing and feeling things you don’t know are real.  I feel like a lot of modern young adults live like Taiye does, unsure what to look for except comfort.  I love how the author mentioned the chaotic draw of dating apps.  I love how Taiye is a stoner.  I love how Taiye loves organic butter and fair trade chocolate and cooking extravagant meals for anyone who will eat it.  I LOVE how the author includes recipes for what Taiye is cooking.  Although I probably won’t use those recipes, I did want to cook what Taiye was cooking, and it reads just like my brain reads when I am absorbed in a culinary project.  This book could have been more about what it means to be a lesbian, but it only barely describes her formative romantic and sexual experiences.  The author details the first time Taiye calls her self gay out loud and has queer sex, but this is long after she has had gay feelings and gay experiences.  The author does not explore Taiye’s inner turmoil, and it is unclear if Taiye struggles at all with her sexuality in the long term.

I also like how the book explores mental illness.  It doesn’t shy away from both the good and the bad parts.  It doesn’t shame medication use.  It explores the spiritual powers of those who’s brains work differently.  Kambi’s voice explores suicide in an interesting way: both from the frequent pull of the voices, asking Kambi to escape the pain of living, and Kambi’s own knowledge that she wants to remain here with her family.  Although I have perhaps 0 hard examples of mental illness being spiritual, I still want to believe that those who hear voices, who see things, who feel things, are connected to the spiritual in a way that those who live entirely in reality are not.  This book explores one such case.  I also found it interesting how Taiye inherits some of Kambi’s crazy (struggles to speak as a young child, depressed, sleep walks) and some of Kambi’s magic (draws people to her, sees and hears beyond).  This make Taiye feel closer to her mom as she ages, while Kehinde remains unsure.  This book could have been more about generational mental illness and the pain and distance it causes, but instead the author focuses on the magic of it all.  It asks, quietly, if the girls should be mad at their mother, can they be mad at her?  From the outside, Kehinde knows that Kambi is respoinsible for the scar on Taiye’s face, but yet we, the audience, know that Kambi had to do this to prevent Taiye from killing the rapist, Uncle Earnest.  Does Kehinde know this?  How can she understand?  In a family, we have no choice but to forgive and let live if we cannot understand, or else remain alienated.  This is the underlying message of the book.

The book has a complicated timeline: the main story line follows the events of a six month period in which the three main characters are united again in Lagos, after over a decade apart.  Slowly, in tangents, the three characters’ backstory is explained.

The book features a few key locations:

Nigeria (specifically Abeokuta, where Kambirinachi is born, Ife, where she spends her youth, and Lagos, where she raises her family),

London (where the twins were born and where Taiye lived for 9 years during and after university),

and Canada (Kehinde lives in Montreal since attending university there and Taiye lives in Halifax after London). 

I’ve never been to Nigeria or London, but I love the way the author writes the dialogue and the characters from each place.  I cannot say if they are accurate, but they have a clear and unique voice, not homogeneous but also representative of those place-based qualities that unite an area.  The characters give me a glimpse into what it feels like to be Nigerian abroad vs. Nigerian at home.  She rarely writes about interpersonal incidents of racism: the characters are mostly well liked, treated nicely by the people in their life, given opportunities.  I think that contributes to the feeling of romanticism in the story.  Racism is discussed on a more systematic level: they have problems at the airport, Taiye learns about the history of racism in Canada. As someone who has been to Canada, knows about the history of Canada, and lives very close to Canada, I enjoyed hearing about Taiye learning about Canada’s dark side, something that is so rarely discussed by the general public.  However, for those of us who are interested, the evidence is everywhere.  The history is just waiting to be explored by anyone who is interested in looking just slightly beyond the state-issued textbooks.  I thought the way the author wrote about Canada was really authentic, which convinces me that the way she writes about London and Nigeria must also be accurate.  What it must be like to be Ekwuyasi, so intimately familiar with places so far apart.

There was one line in the book that really stuck with me: as Taiye is traveling home, she passes through the busy streets of Lagos, crowded with street children, and she is reminded of her privilege in a very visual way, something she doesn’t get in Canada or London.  This is the view the West wants us to have of Africa: a whole continent made of dirty huts and begging children on busy urban roads.  Yes, poverty looks different in Nigeria than it does in Canada, but that doesn’t mean that everyone in Nigeria is somehow poorer.  In fact, this family has a beautiful compound and a trust fund.  Despite having a trust fund, Taiye still makes decisions on a strict budget and denies herself luxuries to save money, the way I do.  I don’t really know a lot of people with trust funds, so I can’t tell if this is an international thing or if there are American kids who act like this.  It kind of annoyed me when Taiye wrote to the culinary program saying she didn’t have enough to pay for the program, when in reality she just didn’t want to dip into her trust fund.  I don’t know if there were limited spots/funds available for people who couldn’t afford to pay full price, but I hate when rich people forget what it means to actually not have money.  Being cheap and being poor are two different things, often way more opposing than people think.  Rich people are often the ones who know how to exploit the system to get what they want for less, while the poor are left with less connections and less time to work it.

Still, I refrain from delivering too harsh judgement on Taiye. I do not know the size of the trust fund.  I know their family home was a gift, so perhaps the fund is to be saved for medical emergencies and property taxes.  I’m not sure how insurance or taxes work in Nigeria, although I know the government is very unstable.  How did they pay for international university?  Did that come from the trust fund?  The whole plot line has me thinking a lot about wealth and class on  an international level.  While I grew up comfortably, I often felt like my family was poor because of how rich everyone in our town was.  I wonder what it would have been like to grow up in a compound and see homeless children often, but also ingest international media that cast your entire country as poor and to know your government is unstable.

All in all, the book touches on many of the central issues of modern life  While it only brushes the surfaces of these topics, it had me thinking for days and wanting to know more.  Perhaps I will search out an some Nigerian autobiographies / memoirs in the future.

[fiction-in-my-blood]

The Bewitching Hour Part 1 (SITS Smut) Kyohei x MC

I’m thinking of turning this into a series with all the guys in it, so if you enjoy, stay tuned :)!

Warnings: Fingering, Sex

~~~~~~

Work had been trouble lately. Not only was the ghostwriter severely struggling with doing her own job, a lot of the Revance members were on edge because of it. Takashi’s Demon Mode had been making more frequent appearances and many worried for their own safety, few also worrying for the only woman in the house. Not only that, The morning the producer woke up, there was a stranger in their kitchen.

“Who the hell are you and how did ya get in my house?” Kyohei roared at the half naked, rejectfully majestic man that stood at his fridge, peering at the contents like they were going to put themselves together for his breakfast. The man didn’t seem much phased by the shock of one of the inhabitants of the house that wasn’t his, he found it amusing, that showed on the smirky, mysterious grin that appeared on his face when he turned around.

“Hey, man, don’t worry about it, I spent the night.” The admission did nothing to ease Sir Kyo’s suspicion, instead making him more pissed off in the early hour. No one would be a morning person if this is what they had to deal with first thing. 

However, before he could argue, demanding him to explain, a high whine came from the far end of the room. “Mitsu~, I told you not to come down until I was ready.” The strangely provacative yet shy call of the young woman, merely dressed in an overbearing sweater and shorts, hair a mess after the activities she had partaken in the past night, shocked the other resident. 

“But, my dear, you were taking too long. I was getting a different type of hungry.” The man, surely older than her but a gentlemanly youth about him, cooed, a teasing smirk forming on his lips as he remembered what he had been hungry for only a few hours before this conversation. Masami blushed.

“They call it a walk of shame for a reason, Mistu. Get your stuff before anyone else wakes up.” She crossed her arms in defiance, the brunt of her configuration halted by the notebook she held in one hand. Kyohei recognised it as her writing journal. 

“Okay, I guess I can get dressed. Unless you want to keep something for future uses?” The man with fair hair long enough to be pulled back into a long pontail sauntered over to the ghostwriter, leaning over her to steal her lips. Before he could catch them, however, he was blocked by a wad of paper.

“No kissing, Mitsu. It’s in the agreement.” She sighed, almost exhausted with having to remind him all the time. The roll of her innocent eyes didn’t go unnoticed by the slightly distracted producer. 

“Hello. What the hell is going on here?” A little pissed with having such a rude introduction, Kyohei made himself known to the couple. The fact he would soon learn about some of her stress relieving habits brought a blush to Masami’s cheeks, trying to hide them with her hand as Mitsu chuckled to himself beside her. 

“I-I have those lyrics done, Kyohei. Read through them when you’re ready!” The ball of red quickly made her exit after slapping her notebook on the coffee table in the living area. Mitsu couldn’t help but enjoy the sight Kyohei would usually also be happy to see. 

“There’s nothing to fear, sir. Just a trade in professions. You may like the use my services too one day.” With the way Mitsu’s been acting in this extraordinary scenario, Kyohei couldn’t tell what he was suggesting. What was this man’s profession and what did it have to do with Masami?

“If you’d like to see my portfolio, I’d love to comission if you find it desirable.” Only now did Kyohei spot the large art pad held to Mitsu’s body with his arm as he continued to rest his hands in his pockets. 

“You’re an artist?” Kyohei, significantly cooled compared to moments ago, grew slightly curious to the man’s offer. 

“And Miss Mami is my muse, and I her’s. We arranged it years ago.” The nickname rolled off with such ease it showed how close the two must be. Kyohei almost felt jealous just talking to the man. 

“Show me.” He demanded, wanting more to see what had impressed the girl so much to have the obvious relationship they had together. This made that mirthful chuckle reverberate from Mitsu’s chest once again. Despite the clear irritation on the producer’s face, he placed his sketchpad on the kitchen counter and opened it up. Kyohei’s eyes went wide at the images before him.

Pages upon pages of naked women, mostly Masami, framed in comprimising positions, always a lewd look in their eyes. The drawings seemed so realistic, Kyohei almost felt like he was there when it was created, even if they were just sketches- mainly black and white. The one that really caught his eye was the masterpiece on the back page. It was Masami, on her back with her knees pressed to her chest, feet up and vulva on full display. He looked away, an intolerant blush surfacing on his cheeks.

“I’ll say, my most recent piece is my favourite. Masami surely was in her creative flow last night.” A look of pure pride overtook what his usual expression seemed to be as he gazed upon the picture of his business partner. She seemed too innocent most of the time, it was only Mitsu who ever got to see this side of her. 

“Creative flow?” Kyohei was drawn by the odd explanation for such a drawing, his gaze following the man as he ripped the page out with little regard to his other pieces. 

“You don’t know of her Bewitching Hour? And how long has she lived here?” A tone of pity mixed with amusement filtered out of his mouth as he placed the sheet of paper on the counter before closing his book once again.

“Like any woman, Masami is a powerful being. Sometimes her talent gets too much for her and she can’t seem to let it out at all. She gets so pent up sometimes, I’m man enough to admit even I can’t satiate her creativity.” Mitsu laughed on the memory of an irritated Masami climbing off his lap with a heavy sigh of not being able to pleasure herself with his body. He didn’t mind, he had those nights too, it was the joy of their agreement that made him so confident in his abilities.

“But what’s a Bewitching Hour?” Kyohei was beyong interest by now. For months he had wanted to her his hands on the innocent cutie that lived under his roof. This might finally be his chance. 

“It’s just my term for it. She does her best work, in the bedroom and in her songs, at night. The only way she can filter her ideas is in the act, as one would say. On nights I can’t get to her, she’ll desperately play piano. I’ve never heard it myself, but I’m sure its beautiful.” A mesmerised look drifts into Mitsu’s eyes as he imagines all the dirty scenarios he could get into if he could just catch her off guard in one of her musical trances. 

“Remember, if you ever hear music in the dead of night, the Bewitching Hour has begun.”

~~~~~~

Several days after the mysterious and mature artist escaped the Revance home without being spotted by any other members, Kyohei has gotten very little sleep. Mostly from anticipation to hear any type of tune drifting through the halls and some due to the thoughts that clouded his brain. How would he initiate such an occasion? Were her trances even a thing? Would it be right to take advantage of that to experience the feelings he’s been waiting so long to feel? Maybe yes, maybe no. It all depended on her, really. If he showed up, made himself known, and she just happened to jump on him, he wouldn’t stop her. Even if she needed a little coaxing, he would be happy to take the place of her muse if for a night. He just wanted to encounter what he had heard, and seen in still images, was so magical. 

Then, on one fateful night, a jolly tune bounced in the distance and Kyohei shot up in bed. Where or who it was coming from didn’t matter as long as who it was he hoped it would be. He grabbed a shirt just in case this didn’t turn out how he had hoped and stormed out the door. 

In the hallways, following the strangely enticing sound to what must have been from the recording studio, the darkness and tune was a little eery. It was upbeat and fun, but the emptiness of the halls and the hyperawareness that everyone was asleep made a suspicious shiver run up Kyohei’s spine. Please, please don’t let this be Takashi.

Sure enough, through the door that was standing open, was a risquely dressed woman, her fingers jumping along the keys of the keyboard in their in-home recording studio. She was in her pyjamas, a worn tank top that must have been from her teenage years from the cute character on the front and shorts of a different design but just as old. Her hair was up in a rushed bun, sagging to the side when she tilted her head in frustration. Her ideas weren’t flowing the way she wanted them to and Mitsu was in Osaka for an art showing. She had no other outlets. 

Except for the man that now stood directly behind her. She didn’t notice him at first, too wound up in her musical whimsy until she felt a warm pressure on her shoulders. She jumped, the electric instrument groaning with a clatter of keys as her fingers slammed down at the unexpected sensation.

“So tense. You need to relax if you want to get your work done in time not to get punished.” A tone she was all too used to breathed on her ear as Kyohei leaned over head, the feeling of his erection pressing into her back. Not that she could feel it, she was too stunned as to why he was here and too busy trying to bay her urges. No matter who it was, she would go for anyone in this state. Before she had met Mitsu, she would go on the prowl in less that suitable establishments, usually mistaken for a prostitute, even though she was the most dressed person on the whole block. Although, it didn’t matter to her, she usually got what she needed.

“Help me then.” The demanding tone spurred Kyohei on, the stern look making him chuckle. She looked as frustrated as Mitsu had made her sound and that led him to believed that this could happen. That he could get what he want. What they both wanted- for whatever different reasons.

Slowly but directly, Kyohei’s fingers from one hand drifted over her bare skin, along her collarbone and arond her neck, making her look up at him by tugging lightly on it. From some of the sketches in Mitsu’s book, she liked and was a frequent user of positions like these. Masami gulped at the heat that suddenly flooded in her. 

With that slightly startled but so heavily lustful look in her eyes, Kyohei continued, inching his other hand down her chest and under her top. She moaned the second he tweaked her nipple. Both of their hearts raced at this less than innocent act taking place in such a common area of their home. Masami didn’t think about it, too caught up in trying to filter through the words flying around in her head, but Kyohei was metaphorically shitting bricks. If someone came in, would it be his fault? Would she get angry? The sound of a whimper pulled him out of those thoughts though.

“K-Kyohei, ca-can you... Can you finger me?” The forwardness of Masami’s words and the pleading look in her eyes as he held her face up to meet his gaze caused a shot of arousal to fire through Kyohei’s body and he wasted very little time in pulling her up. He quickly looked around for a surface to lay her on, but there was only the couch and the office chair that didn’t have any important equipment on it, so he pushed her onto the ground, laying her legs over his as he leant over to her. His hand was no longer around her neck, instead both were either side of her head, holding himself up over her. 

With her hair sprawled out around her, pale wrists settled close to were his hands were, eyes slightly wide at seeing him in this position and cheeks flushed with desperate but embarrassed need, Kyohei had never been more turned on by any other woman. Masami wasn’t anything special. She didn’t have the ‘perfect’ body or have the greatest make-up skills. She was slow and at times absent-minded, just like right now, she seemed to be concentrating on something else and Kyohei didn’t know that this was what she was usually like in the moment. She was concentrating on her lyrics.

But Kyohei didn’t want that. He wanted all thoughts on him. 

So, sitting back onto his heels, he focused all of his attention to her lower half. Palms falling on her knees, which only now had he realised were slightly bruised and was sure they were from the last time she had done something like this, his hands crept up her legs. The warm sensation on her body, chilled by the cold room and limited clothing, sent an excited shiver through her- dispersing any thoughts of music to the side, just for now, just so something could make sense. There was Kyohei Rikudoh, having her straddle him while she was on her back, making his way to her nether region with a look that seemed a little too excited. 

But, Masami didn’t have time to think that fact over as she felt some sort of pressure on her clit. She gasped out a moan as she looked down to see Kyohei’s thumb disappearing underneath the fabric of her shorts. The motions on her fastened the more she moaned but the second she got a little louder, it was gone. 

But only for a moment. Masami was about to complain before she felt that same digit enter her fully. Although shorter and thinner than some men she’s had, Kyohei’s thumb worked wonders on the nerves that were building up in that area and the nerves that had been in her head for the past few hours. He enjoyed the silent gasping as he pressed in different directions before slipping out and replacing it with his middle finger, once again seeing that short burst of annoyance before her lips parted to take in enough air to remind herself to breath. He wanted so badly to trap those plump things under his, exploring her mouth like it was the Mariana Trench, so, he leaned in.

“No.” A muffled call escaped Masami’s lips as she covered them with her hand, protecting herself from his advances. He stopped his thrusting fingers, wondering if he had hurt her, but she shook her head. 

“N-Not on the lips.” She stuttered, the darkest blush she’s had tonight ligthening her face as she kept her hand there. Kyohei was slightly confused, his brows frowning at the strange demand. She would let him fuck her, but she wouldn’t let him kiss her? Well, he knew she was strange, but he didn’t believe it when she had reprimanded Mitsu. He thought it was just because he was there. 

“I-If that’s gonna be an issue for you...” Masami led off as she sat up, inched herself away the best she could to keep the distance away from their faces and his fingers, which he hadn’t realised where still in her, slipped out. She bit back a moan at that, too embarrassed and scared to have annoyed him to make a noise. 

“No, it’s fine. I’m not going to force you.” Kyohei smirked, wanting this more than he wanted to exercise each of his fantasifull whims. Masami’s shoulders eased at that and her gaze wondered down his body. 

“Oh?” She muttered at the tent she saw pitched in his shorts. They were loose and thin, something like basketball wear, so she could definitely tell most of that height wasn’t material. She was in for a treat tonight.

With the tilt of her head, she reached forward, pulling down his waist band and helping his cock escape before he could say a word. To his surprise, he panicked as she grabbed it with such gentle fingers his hands flew behind him to keep himself upright. As her knees weren’t hooked over his anymore, she could sit on her own legs as Kyohei’s crossed his in front of him.

Masami knew what she was doing, she had a routine. Something she knew worked every other time she had done this act with someone new, so, she leaned forward and kissed the tip of his dick before licking it. 

“You’re rather forward, huh?” Kyohei tried to regain his usual composure as the petite woman before him hardened him so suddenly he worried there’d be no blood left in his skull. She looked up at that incredulous smirk and couldn’t help but blush as she realised what she was doing.

“I want this.” She replied bluntly, not blaming herself for her less than ordinary ways to relieve stress. She licked him one last time before she brought her lips right next to his ear, careful not to let go of his cock. “So, will you fuck me now, Sir Kyo?”

Her questioning tone was almost innocent if not for the words that spilled out of her mouth so easily. Kyohei felt something come over him, an all too familiar feeling of lust, and he pushed her back by her shoulders onto the floor where she had been moments ago. He pulled her shorts and panties off, all in one go, and threw them behind him without much care as to where they ended up.

“You came prepared?” Masami frowned her brows at the condom Kyohei pulled out of his pocket. She wasn’t mad, she was happy he had one, but it did confuse her. She didn’t really know he was aware of her trances. 

“Always am, Miss Mami~.” Kyohei’s teasing tone, mimicking the voice of her usual muse, made the girl blush, covering her frown with the back of her hand as she laid there, waiting patiently. She looked too cute for what he was about to do to her.

“Shut up and help me.” She grumbled, reminding him why they were here in the first place, and Kyohei couldn’t help but chuckle. The two stayed in their separate states until Kyohei sharply entered her. 

Both mind’s turned into a pleasured fog that distracted either side of this couple from the outside world. Not that anything was happening that they would need to look out for, everyone was asleep and Kyohei hade the foresight to close the door. This allowed them, mostly Masami, to moan to their heart’s content. She clutched the top that fluttered over her as Kyohei towered over, holding himself up with one hand and her right thigh with the other. 

“K-Kyohei.” She gasped out, eyes half-lidded as she looked up at him as his hand massaged that part of her leg, waiting for her to be comfortable enough for him to move. He seemed pushy, but he did care, being the secretly thoughtful guy he was. The sound of his name told the producer he could start thrusting. 

“You’re so tight.” He grunted as those movements pulled him out of the short but sweet trance he found himself in as he watched the young woman writhe beneath him distracted him from the tightness of her. How could a woman said to be so risque and ravaging seem so virginal?

“Y-You’re just big.” The comment made her blush and she pouted, momentarily preoccupied from the heavenly sensation slowly grinding into her. 

“Don’t frown like that. I’m sure you’ve dreamt about this, haven’t you?” He drew even closer to her once again, propped on his elbows as he continued to thrust in and out of her, one hand holding her cheek. He was careful not to make it seem like he would try to kiss her. 

The smugness of his tone and sudden hard pound of his hips made Masami’s hands fly down his torso to grip the skin of his behind, hoping it would spur him onto giving her more of that much needed pleasure. “K-Kyohei.” Her ideas were finally organising themselves. She was so close. All she needed was a little encouragement. 

“Go on. Scream my name. I know you want to.” Even though his own breathing started to hasten, his heart racing and his words sometimes tripping over themselves, Kyohei tried to seem as cool as he usually was. But, the clawing feeling on his lower back and arching of her’s, pressing their bodies even closer together was just so erotic, he found his own thoughts becoming jumbled. There was so much he wanted to say, so many dirty things he wanted to whisper in her ear to make her blush harder, to stutter his name more, he couldn’t understand any of the words that threatened to spill out of his mouth. Something about loving something, but the shriek of the woman below him pulled his thoughts away from that strange sensation.

“K-Kyohei!” Arms flying up his body and around his neck, pulling him closer and her up so he could snake an arm around her, holding their bodies flush together, Masami couldn’t hold back anymore.

“More. Please. I need so much more!” She whimpered in his ear and he only just realised his thrusts had slowed while he was thinking. Then, one thought made sense. Flipping them over so he was on his back and Masami was sitting on his lap, his cock buried so deep inside her she was sure she must have been hollowed out by him, Kyohei smirked. 

“Go on, do it yourself. Use me to inspire you.” Sitting, holding each other, his hand clutching the back of her hair so he could whisper in her ear without risk of her pulling back, Kyohei pulled as much out of her as he could. Albeit the ground prohibitted most of his movement. When he loosened his grip, Masami sat up, looking at him with another one of her cutely questioning expressions.

“How do you- Oh!” Masami gasped as he pushed her hips down, mainly to distract her from her question and also to pleasure himself. Her hands once again clenched the fabric on his chest and she subconsciously started bouncing up and down, the sound of skin hitting skin sounding between them. Heavy breathing, moans of each other’s names, and the smell of hot, sweaty sex filled the room. It was lucky they had good ventilation in here.

It didn’t take much longer for either to finish, coincidentally at the same time, and when they both felt each other’s releases, Masami collasped forward, landing on Kyohei’s chest with a soft thud. She was panting, her thighs aching slightly from the exercise, and Kyohei chuckled, his arms sprawled out either side of him. The two finally had a moment of silence...

...Until Masami jumped up, his penis sliding out of her but she didn’t seem to care much, and yanked her journal from the table she had been struggling over before he showed up. As if this hadn’t just happened, as if one of the most sort of bachelors at the moment wasn’t laying half-naked on the floor behind her, Masami started working. She started pouring her heart out onto the pages in front of her, making quick work of the song she had been struggling with for the past day and a half. 

It couldn’t be hidden, Kyohei was a little pissed. He had just had one of the most amazing sex sessions he had ever experiences, and she was still able to make it to the desk chair and write? So, he got up, meaning to turn her around and pound her against that journal that seemed to occupy her thoughts, when she met his stern gaze with a delighted smile. He only now saw the slightly darkened rings under her eyes and, despite that, she still looked adorable. 

“Thanks, Kyohei, you were a big help!” Masami cheered, slapping her book shut and standing up, only to find the two much closer than she had anticipated. Both their lower halves were completely on show, but she couldn’t let herself look down. She was beat but, most of all, she was able to write. She had been able to accompish what she set out to do. 

Kyohei just chuckled at his own stupidity. He should have understood what Mitsu meant when she really did just use his body to satiate her creativity. This was just a trade in professions, a transferable muse and a writer, nothing more, nothing less. 

“Call me if you need anymore help.” He winked, his smug smirk returning to his face as Masami blushed at the offer, turning to find her shorts, throwing them on and running out the door so she could finally get some much needed sleep. What neither of them had realised was the pair of panties, tucked behind a filing cabinet after Kyohei had carelessly thrown them over his shoulder. 

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Pop artist Nadia Vaeh has dropped her new music video for her powerful track 'Anxiety'. The video reflects on her personal mental health struggles and how she copes with the highs and lows of anxiety. The video shows Nadia alone at home coping with what the real and raw effects of anxiety look and feel like. As an advocate, she hopes her music can inspire people to embrace the conversation of mental health and be a reminder that they are not alone.

Babeheaven, the project of West Londoners Nancy Andersen and Jamie Travis, share their latest single, 'Craziest Things', along with a video from the award-winning illustrator and animator, Sacha Beeley. The track is taken from the duo’s much anticipated debut album, Home For Now, which will be released on November 20 via AWAL, and follows the singles 'Cassette Beat' and 'Human Nature'. About the track, Nancy said: “On 'Craziest Things', I explore my anxiety and insomnia, not being able to make sense of my emotions and running around in a state of mania.”

Moscow-based multi-talented avant-pop artist Kate Shilonosova aka Kate NV has just unveiled a video for 'Lu Na', a track taken from her last album Room for the Moon. Drawing from “unlived memories of 70s and 80s Russian and Japanese pop music and film,” the project also comes with vintage and surreal conceptual videos inspired by the shows she was watching as a child. In these new Gina Onegina-directed visuals, she introduces four dancers voguing in pinky cats outfits. “‘Lu Na’ was originally planned as a dance clip consisting mostly of one repetitive loop—simple pattern where cats walk in a square one by one,” she stated. “This pattern was hugely inspired and based on [Samuel] Beckett’s piece Quad which I love. Originally I just wanted the sun to appear slowly behind those cats while they walk. All of the dancers were wonderful, they brought so much life to the characters of those cats!” [via High Clouds]

Kississippi, the increasingly pop-minded project of the Philadelphia musician Zoe Reynolds, have released a new single, 'Around Your Room'. Kississippi got their start making wispy and hypnotic folk reveries, which opened up into more muscular fare on their debut full-length, 2018’s Sunset Blush. 'Around Your Room' is their most unabashedly pop song yet, a strobing synth that pulls from Lorde’s Melodrama providing the main thrust for Reynolds’ gauzy lyrics about memory and its inexorable pull. Reynolds cowrote 'Around Your Room' with Sarah Tudzin of Illuminati Hotties, according to a tweet from Tudzin. “This song tells a story of yearning and infatuation. It’s about being hopelessly enamored in a way that took me back to my youthful perception of love,” Reynolds said in a statement. “It represents those moments where you’re fully infatuated with someone and they’re all you can think about. I’ve written about love in a cynical manner in the past and this song was written as a reminder of the magic and euphoria that comes with it.” 'Around Your Room' is the lead single from a new Kississippi album due out next year, Reynolds’ first for Triple Crown. Watch director Josh Coll’s video for the song above. [via Stereogum]

Tank and The Bangas have announced a new EP called Friend Goals. Due out November 20 via Verve Forecast, the six-track, guest-heavy release is being previewed with the track 'Self Care'. The New Orleans-based group are known for their collaborative habits, having this year teamed with the likes of Jacob Collier and Fantastic Negrito. Friend Goals, as the title might suggest, brings together a number of artists Tank and The Bangas have befriended over their career. The follow-up to last year’s Green Balloon LP features guests like CHIKA ('Mr. Insta'), Duckwrth ('Fluff'), PJ Morton ('TSA'), and Pell on the title track. Lead single 'Self Care' actually touts three collaborators: Jaime Woods, Orleans Big, and Anjelika “Jelly” Joseph. The track itself is exactly what we need in 2020, an ode to being with yourself and being damn okay with it. “Chillin’ all by myself/ Netflix, eatin’, cheatin’, by myself, all by myself,” Tarriona “Tank” Ball spits, clearly enjoying her alone time. “Nobody else/ New people to the left/ What is there left but myself?” “‘Self Care’ is THE quarantine song to get you moving,” Ball said in a statement. “It shows that some of the best things can come out from solitude, especially when the beat hits this hard.” Take a listen above via the song’s Fat Happy Media-directed video. [via CoS]

New Zealand’s platinum sensation BENEE unveils the official video for her latest single 'Snail'. For the visual, BENEE and director Anita Fontaine deliver a lush and larger-than-life fantasy befitting of the track. In the colorful clip, BENEE wakes up to feed her giant snail roommates and slides around their slime trails before heading to work in her secret elf lab. Soon, she’s cycling out of her home—a concrete replica of her own head—out into a storm. After being struck by lightning, our heroine turns into an elf and cruises through a mushroom wonderland under the glow of an aurora borealis-style blanket of colors across the sky. Reflective of her personality, it pops off as her biggest and boldest video to date. Of the inspiration behind the video, BENEE says, “I knew I wanted the vid to be a weird fantasy story involving snails! I said to Anita that I wanted to be an elf with long braids riding a bike and have giant mushrooms somewhere in the vid...She came back with the treatment, and I loved ittttttt! Her imagination is supa whacky in the best way, and I’m so happy with how ‘Snail’ turned out!”

Bebe Rexha has returned with her new anthem 'Baby, I'm Jealous', which features Doja Cat. 'Baby, I'm Jealous' is Bebe Rexha's first single of 2020, following on from last year's Maleficent: Mistress of Evil track 'You Can't Stop The Girl'. The new track marks the debut collaboration between Bebe Rexha and Doja Cat, and is accompanied by a Hannah Lux Davis-directed visual that stars Charli D’Amelio, Nikita Dragun, and Avani Gregg. Bebe Rexha says the new single is "about embracing my insecurities", and adds, "It’s about the way social media has heightened my jealousy which can affect how I feel about myself. We are constantly flooded with the highlights of other people’s lives, and at times I find myself comparing my worth and beauty to others. It’s part of the human process to experience jealousy - ultimately, this is an anthem to embrace those feelings as a form of empowerment." [via Line Of Best Fit]

Making her grand return to the scene with a striking new single is Brighton-hailed singer Fable, with her new tune 'Thirsty'. With otherworldly tones and harmonising vocals, the singer serves us with a sumptuous genre-bending tune that has us headbanging at every chorus. Known for her bold and atmospheric sonics, the singer accompanies the song with an attention-grabbing video with juxtaposing images of ethereal nature and mental destruction. Speaking on the single, the singer said, “'Thirsty' is about taking the beauty of life for granted. How overtime we write off profound stuff as mundane because it’s a constant; the sky’s always there, but it’s weird and beautiful that we even exist under it. It’s playful at heart but it’s about my realised depression and learning how to reset my perspective through mindfulness,” Having disappeared from the scene back in 2016 due to a personal tragedy, the singer has reconnected to her artistic side and is ready to step back into the spotlight. [via Wonderland]

With the enticing line-up of Joe Lonie (Supergroove), Milan Borich (Pluto), Jol Mulholland (The Reduction Agents) and Morgan Leary (Cindy), Tāmaki Makaurau supergroup Kathy Bates Motel share their latest ear worm 'Cool Your Heels'. The class act's second single, following up debut track 'Damaged Goods', is dangerously catchy, with killer harmonies from vocalists Lonie and Leary. 'Cool Your Heels' will have you moving your feet and hankering for a dance, a need so perfectly met by the Footloose inspired, Joe Lonie directed visuals. Everybody cut foot loose, the weekend and 'Cool Your Heels' have arrived. [via Under The Radar]

Up-and-comers Wargasm recently dropped their fifth single, ‘Backyard Bastards’, and now they’ve released a video to go with it. Shot and edited by Olli Appleyard, the video sees sees Sam Matlock (guitar, vocals) hunting down Ryan Cornall (session drummer) on a manic murder spree that finds its peak in an epic showdown between the two, all the while being cheered on by Milkie Way (bass, vocals) and her dancer squad. You can check out the video for ‘Backyard Bastards’ above. [via Dead Press]

Atlanta-based glam punk rockers Starbenders have released an energetic and evocative music video for their new single 'Can’t Cheat Time' off most recent album Love Potions. 'Can’t Cheat Time' is available now as part of a bundle featuring the original single and an acoustic version. 'Can’t Cheat Time' perfectly pairs frontwoman Kimi Shelter‘s incredible vocal shapeshifting abilities with electrocuted guitars and heart-pounding rhythm for this stand out rock ‘n’ roll anthem. Speaking to the inspiration for the single’s music video, Shelter adds: “‘Can’t Cheat Time’ is a personal favorite amongst the band. This single has a wicked string arrangement reminiscent of Jeff Lynne from ELO’s production style. It was so rewarding hearing all of it come together with the live string players. The accompanying music video is a love letter to the mom and pop businesses that have shaped and supported our very existence. These businesses along with the touring industry have been devastated by the pandemic. We filmed in locations around Atlanta which include the local greasy spoon diner, the record shop, the independent guitar store, the watering hole, and the divey small music venue. While mega-retailers did not close down for even one day, 60% of small to medium-sized businesses in the USA that closed will never reopen. These places are vital to the social and economic health of our cities. We encourage our friends to go to saveourstages.com. Sign up to push legislators to help independent venues though the updated Heroes Act. So many are hurting and on the verge of financial ruin from lighting to sound engineers, musicians, DJs, security, bar staff and venue operators. Our hearts are with you all.“ [via The Girls At The Rock Show]

[minttoy]

all that we lost

CHAPTER THREE

Summary: Five years since the war has passed. Five years since she joined the Dragon Guard. Five years since she saw either of the princes. One of them is a King now. Rayla doesn’t consider herself blessed. How could she lose so much of herself and gain nothing back? The war has come and gone, and still she’s counting her losses. Amidst this fractured peace, she returns to Katolis to make up for lost time.

Pairings: Callum/Rayla

Genre: Romance/Angst

Click here to read on FF.net.

Click here to read on AO3.

For Chapter 1:

Chapter 1 (FF.net)

Chapter 1 (AO3)

A violin plays a joyful and melodious tune in the background.

Streets lined with vendors, music, dancing and games with stuffed prizes. Concession stands catering foods from around the world are found at every corner. Wherever she looks, there’s a joyous atmosphere, reminiscent of the celebrations that took place at war’s end.

They’re standing at the castle entrance. Callum has taken it upon himself to entertain a curious group of kids with an assortment of ‘magic tricks’, the irony being it’s real magic, and they’re not tricks. Rayla watches with wry amusement from the side.

“Again! Again!”

She offers him silent pity as the children start another round pleas to see the trick for the tenth time.

Callum smiles tightly. “Alright, but this is the last time.”

He kneels to the ground, using the bottle of bubbles that has the kids so enthralled to blow another set. Drawing the sky rune in front of him, he whispers the incantation and a small gust of wind sends the droplets gliding and dancing in the air. The kids run in a flurry, trying to pop the most soapy water blobs before they soar too high.

The gust of air magic catches the hem of her pants. For the festival, she’s opted for loose human clothing. If it weren’t for her horns or markings, maybe she could pass off as one of them. 

When she looks up again, Callum is doing his best to wave off the kids, promising them another show sometime later. There’s a wave of disappointment, but one kid pulls out a kazoo from his party bag and sputters out noise as he darts off in the street. The others eventually follow and Rayla eyes one girl in particular.

“Hey, little one. Be careful. You might trip and fall with your shoes untied,” Rayla calls out to the small girl that reminds of her of a younger Ellis.

The girl looks down to see that her boot laces have come undone and then she sort of waddles towards the elf. Rayla drops to her knees, levelling herself with the child. “I know you’re eager to join the others, but do you want to know what’s not fun? Getting hurt,” she says, tying her boot laces and then doubling it for extra measure.

Once finished, Rayla notices she’s been glancing between her non-human features, from the top of her head down to her fingers. The small girl soon erupts in a smile, having finally decided. “Miss, I like your hair!”

Rayla smiles the compliment. “Thanks. You can run along now.”

“See you later!” And then she bounces off towards the other kids with energy like the sun, reminding Rayla that kids are freer than anything in the world.

She rises to stand and dusts off her trousers. Behind her, she hears the faint sound of sketching. Charcoal on thick parchment paper. She glances up to catch Callum drafting something in his book. Something he wants to remember. She watches idly from where she is, studying the small ritual and fixed concentration in his eyes as he shades and fills the lines. Callum is so handsome still, and his boyish charm has aged well. 

He soon finishes with the drawing, notices her staring and then tilts his head.

She looks away and waves off his silent inquiry. “It’s nothing.”

He arches a brow, but she walks over to him and peers down at his sketch from his side. Back then, he’d always let her appreciate his works, scrutinize them even.

In the book, he’s drawn the busy streets before them, the banners hanging across the rooftops, the food stands, the assortment of flags, a few passerby. She marvels at his talent, even as she’s seen him do it hundreds of times. He could draw in his sleep if he wanted.

“Figured I should remember this day somehow,” he starts.

She nods, because that’s how he remembers. Callum always draws people, places and memories that are important to him. She saw them firsthand, back when those pages were mostly of his mother.

“By any chance, do you still use that…book?” he asks, keeping his voice low.

She’s lost at first, but clues in afterwards. Of course. Her own book, littered with lists it would confuse anybody with no context. He’d given her the first one she ever used.

“I do.”

He doesn’t avert his gaze, instead searches her eyes for understanding. “You…still get nightmares every night?”

She shakes her head. “Not every night. It’s better now.”

They’re silent for a brief moment, but only because it’s a topic to be discussed later. He finally averts his gaze, closing his book and slinging it over his shoulder. He motions her forward, suggesting they go for a walk and the two walk in step.

“You know, I think sky has always been my favourite class of magic,” he strikes up conversation, shifting the tone.

Rayla looks ahead of her, careful to maneuver around passerby. The streets are littered with folks now, but she has no doubt it will be busier later today. “Sky, huh? Why is that?”

He hums noncommittally. “I don’t know exactly. I just find myself using it the most. Maybe I’m biased, since it was the first Arcanum I learned.”

“Well, you’re also good at it,” she says as a matter of fact.

Callum beckons her to cross the street and she keeps close when they pass through a horde of vendors and their moving carts. People stare and steal curious glances. She sticks out in human garbs and it doesn’t help they’re a tall pair walking amongst a crowd. For a second, they glaze over her form or peek at her horns, but sometimes they look over at Callum with a glint of familiarity. He has no crown or regal showing, so maybe he’s not the prince they have in mind.

She almost wants to take his hand.

Make a statement. Somehow show the world that humans and elves can get along. Remove the judgment in their eyes and make peace. She knows he’d go along with it too, even squeeze her hand in steady reassurance, because he believes it too, but instead, she keeps her arms crossed in front of her.

“So is this what humans do when there’s no war?” she pipes up, shifting her thoughts.

He casts a lazy inspection to a particularly loud group across the street selling tickets for a show. “I guess so? I mean, after the treaties were signed, we threw a festival much like this one and the town settled down quietly ever since.”

She tilts her head at him. “And you?”

He looks down to the ground, hands in his pockets. “I sort of became a…diplomat?” He seems to think the title sounds silly out loud, so he quickly waves it off. “It’s fancier than it sounds. Basically, I go back and forth between towns, attend all kinds of meetings, negotiate trade, arrange foreign affairs, deal with disturbances at the breach, make big speeches…it’s not that bad, not so complicated.”

She snorts. “It sounds complicated.”

His lips tug to a small smile. “When I’m here, I like to teach at the school.”

Rayla marvels at the thought. “I had no idea you kept so busy.” She reflects on what she’s done in her last five years. “Is being a diplomat still frustrating as you once said?”

He chuckles. “So you did read my letters.”

“Of course I did,” she says, surprising him with blunt honesty.

They settle for brief silence, letting the sounds of the festival fill the space. When she hears him exhale, she looks up again.

“It’s gotten better, or easier, I should say,” he starts. “It’s a lot of work getting people to agree with each other, but I shouldn’t complain so much. I mean, I get to travel the world and see all kinds of things, right?”

“And attend a lot of festivals?”

He smiles. “Yeah. That too.”

Callum looks at her and there’s a thoughtfulness in his eyes. He’s preoccupied with something beyond this mindless conversation, but she knows him very well and it’s only a matter of time until he comes out with it.

“What’s on your mind?” she presses.

A sighs escapes his lips and he submits to it. “There’s room for one more, you know,” he starts. This time, he doesn’t play it too serious, not like he did five years ago, and she’s thankful for it. “You could still come with me. I’m sure everyone would be interested to hear your side of the story.”

Back then, these had been her choices. Join him or join the Guard, and after three days spent holed up in deep thought and rumination, she left him and chose the latter.

Rayla casts a dubious look. “Everyone? Really?”

“Well, maybe not everyone,” he amends. “Most people. The good ones will listen, at least.”

Her mouth tilts up in a small smile. “I hope you’re not trying to convince me to quit my job.”

Callum shakes his head, laughs it off quietly. “Nah. It’s just something for you to consider. My point is you’re always welcome here. I just wanted you to know that.”

She smiles again, but it fades quick as regret comes back to sting her. A blank expression shapes her features again. “Umm, can I be honest for a second?”

“What is it?”

“It’s about your letters.” Rayla sighs as she runs a hand over her face. “I’m just…sorry I didn’t write back.”

He turns to her, and she finds no resentment or malice there. “It’s okay.”

For a while, they sit at the square, listen to the band play folksy tunes, watch townies perform traditional dances. Rayla taps her foot loosely to the beat, reminded of the ceremonies and traditions held in her hometown.

Afterwards, they join the lineup to enter the town raffle. The prizes sit on the back table, courtesy of King Ezran himself. Baskets of foods, houseware, kitchenware, boxes of wine, stacks of books and smaller gifts stacked neatly. Callum needs neither of these things and Rayla can’t bring back any of the gifts with her on horseback. She think it’s reason enough to opt out of the raffle, but everyone is doing it so they toss their ballots anyway. 

They catch the noontime showing for the play re-enacting a dramatized version of the war’s end. She snorts at the interpretation of Azymondias, a name half the performers can barely pronounce. He breathes thunder and has sharp teeth, but years ago he was never as menacing as the play suggests.

Later, Callum somehow convinces her to try her hand in the archery tournament.

She’s not here to gloat, but he pushes for it. Maybe he’s improved over the years and thinks he can best her. Curious, she says nothing of it and motions for him to take his turn.

His first shot misses the bullseye by four markers, the second lands on the outermost ring and his third is the best, just one ring short. He’s not ecstatic with the results, but she gives him some credit. Back then, he could barely figure out the mechanics of the weapon.

“Pretty impressive,” she says as she accepts the bow from him.

Callum smirks. “I’m more curious about you, to be honest.”

He’s not the only one, it seems, as her eyes drift to the crowd. More onlookers have come to watch since they arrived. Families and cliques and tourists watch with wary anticipation. Even the brawny man supervising this tournament ignores the rest of the matchups to eye her with some suspicion. There are no other elves amongst this crowd, let alone this festival. She’s the only one with horns.

The matter is paltry.

Rayla eyes her target, sets her arrow and pulls back the string, releasing it with a deftness taught to her as an assassin, but honed in the Guard. With no moving targets and harsh fogs, she knocks the easy bullseye, and behind her there are gasps of surprise. She wastes no time, lifts the second arrow and launches it with more speed. It lands beside the first, just edged into the middle ring. Her third attempt goes awry, her concentration snapped when the large man in her periphery coughs loud into his mouth and her arrow goes straight into a hay bale behind the target.

She lowers her bow and briefly acknowledges the crowd before spying the burly man a look. Even some of the townsfolk have the decency to quietly applaud.

Raylat tips her head at him. “Is there a problem?”

He ignores the question entirely, getting up from his stool to yank out her arrows. “Sharp shooter, aren’t you?”

She shrugs. “Lots of practice.”

He raises a brow. “Are you trained in combat too? The art of the blades? Magic, even?”

Her expression sours a bit. “Does it matter?”

“You tell me,” he answers vaguely. He follows up with a half-snort, half-chuckle before snorting in ridicule. “Here we are, throwing all kinds of festivals and parties, thinking the war is over. Meanwhile, everyone living across the border act like it’s not.”

She doesn’t twitch. Her face is wooden. She silently hands him back the bow when he comes to get it. At his size, she guesses maybe he’s a retired guard. He speaks like a hard-bitten man, not necessarily contemptuous. Perhaps he served under the liege of King Harrow, now hardened having failed to protect his principal. Maybe he was there that fateful night and he’s seen firsthand what she’s capable of.

She stops herself from overthinking and swallows uncomfortably. “Umm, thanks for letting me play.”

He scoffs. “You can thank the prince.”

Rayla turns around, finding Callum in the corner speaking with a family across the fence. She stays nearby and tries to shake off the slight, but she’ll need something strong to forget that happened. Idly her gaze falls to the other matchups, where archery is done in good fun, but she knows when she returns to her post things will be different.

She hears clapping from her side, flushes with mild embarrassment as Callum walks over.

“Amazing as always,” he says, and her cheeks are noticeably pink now. “To be honest, I kind of underestimated you back there. I thought you were a swords-only type of warrior and maybe I could best you with my mediocrity, but I was wrong. Well, lesson learned.”

She sneaks a glance to the brusque man, unable to help herself. He’s still looking her way, curious of her relations with Callum. “Thanks,” she says absently.

“Is everything okay?”

Her mind reels back to what Callum said before. About how the war should have ended. What could have been done to end the persistent prejudice and bigotry. Suddenly, she stands to block Callum’s view of the archery tournament. “Everything’s fine.”

But she knows that face. Filled with question, concern and disbelief – he sees right through her. After years of separation, maybe he no longer feels obligated to act on it.

He doesn’t.

Instead, he tips his head towards the streets and she sighs in relief.

In truth, she hadn’t anticipated spending the day with him. She’d resolved to watching a few festivities from a rooftop and then spending the rest of the day in the forest. Instead, Callum takes her to the bakery for the afternoon. This place is famed for their jelly tarts, but today they’ve cooked up all kinds of delicacies, treats and pastries she’s never seen. All pretty and glittered with extraneous icing and sugar dust. Ezran would love it.

Rayla looks up from the glass counter and eyes Callum at the register. He’s on friendly terms with the baker behind the counter and they exchange smiles as the older man hands him a box of sweets.

She walks over curious. When she tries to get a peek, he just hands her the box. Inside is a dozen of bare cookies. A concoction of butter, sugar and flour mixed together and baked to golden perfection. Plainer than anything displayed in the counters.

Out of age-old connections, the baker lets them head into the back kitchen. Callum goes straight for the piping bags with a strange child-like eagerness.

“Something you probably don’t know, when Ezran and I were kids, we always snuck in here,” he says, making a frosting bag with a tip for her with leftover icing. She takes it with hesitation, having never done this before.

“You two would sneak in here? What kind of castle lets their princes do that?” she asks idly, trying to figure out the bag.

“Well, the guards were always busy doing something else, or guarding someone else. And the bakers would let us sample the treats so it was well-worth it,” he explains, chuckling at himself. “Back then, the palace was always…tense, and sometimes we needed a break. Things never really settled after my Mom died.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

He waves a hand. “Don’t feel so bad. That was years ago, and now this place holds good memories. Ezran got his jelly tarts and for me, the bakers were always nice enough to let me try my hand at decorating. I always looked forward to that the most.” 

It makes sense, she thinks, because Callum always had a knack for art. She watches his demonstration on how to write with frosting, outlining a neat ‘R’ for Rayla on one of the cookies.

She tries to frost the primal moon next. It comes out as a sloppy oval. She doesn’t even try attempting the smaller details and moves on. She figures she should try something easier, but the next cookie she pipes out too much on the first squeeze and the most she can salvage out of it is a blob. She sprinkles chocolate bits to cover it up before deciding she has no affinity for the art and instead, leans on the counter to watch Callum instead.

She marvels at his concentration and studies the way his brows furrow when he connects his lines. He makes anything from snowflakes, trees and precise swirls that look like roses. On the last cookie, he sneaks a glance at her pair of sprinkled blobs before tracing the moon rune himself with more care and attention than she will ever obtain.

He slides it over to her and she thinks there’s a hint of smugness on his face.

“Well, you win this one,” she says, standing straight and glancing over the array of frosted cookies.

“I had no idea we were competing.” His smirk is still smug. “Does that make us even?”

She snorts. “Well, I’m not sure how much your cookie decoration skills would help you in a fight. I think I could still knock you down.”

He raises a brow. “What if I use magic?”

Rayla tilts her head in interest. “Is that a challenge?”

His smirk disappears and he hesitates, considering it over. “Err, you know what? I take it back. I already underestimated you once today. I’m not looking to embarrass myself again.”

She smiles and before they know it, they run into a silence. Eventually they would run out of things to talk about. She’s not going to recount the days they spent apart or their days spent in war. Unfortunately, there’s hardly anything in between.

The silence is interrupted and she’s glad for it. The baker walks in at the right time, beckoning Callum over. She makes a quick guess, like a small game, and she’s right on track when after their quick exchange, Callum looks over apologetically.

Peering over at the storefront, she catches a couple of guards whispering to each other. They’re looking for him. Her guess is he’s needed elsewhere, maybe due for some big hero speech.

“You go on ahead. I’ll catch up with you later,” she says for him.

He nods. “There’s going to be a dinner celebration at the castle later,” he brings up. “I’ll see you then?”

She sends him off with a nod. When he’s gone, she packs up their snacks to go, not missing that the baker has chosen to stay nearby. She shoots him a second-glance over her shoulder in acknowledgement.

“You’re a friend of the prince, huh?” the old man pipes up. “What’s your name, lassie?”

She turns around, finds the baker appraising her. “Rayla.”

“You’re in good hands, you know,” he says for some reason.

“Why do you say that?”

He shrugs loosely. “The prince. He doesn’t judge. I mean, I don’t either – you’re welcome anytime here – but it’s different with him.”

Rayla raises a brow, unsure if that made anything clear.

He motions vaguely in her direction. “I’m guessing he met you through work?”

She hums noncommittally. “Not quite.”

“Well, I think he kind of likes you. I’m no expert, but I’ve known the kid his whole life,” he starts. She’s starting to wonder if this is some cautionary warning. “But hey, if you don’t like him back, that’s okay. Just – let him down easy. Rumour has it he had his heart broken by an elf a few years back.”

“Oh,” she says. “How…unfortunate.”

The man is only protecting him, it seems.

“I’m not worried. He’s got plenty of years ahead,” he says before sauntering towards the work table where a lump of dough waits to be kneaded. “It’s nice to meet you, Rayla. I hope to see more of your kind around.”

[vivithefolle]

Why I headcanon Hermione as white, an essay by me

I’ve been told to post this as an individual post since apparently I was making good points - so here ya go. Please don’t bake me into Dementor cookies.

Okay, so I never thought of Hermione as being anything but white, because in the books there are a few lines that describe her has having pale skin; however “going pale” is also a euphemism for being afraid. Same as “going green” is a euphemism for sickness.

However, I never thought of Hermione as anything but a British white girl because of her lack of reaction to the word “Mudblood”.

Okay so now I’m gonna dig myself a grave because people will accuse me of racism, but hear me out on this one. To be clear: I don’t mind fanarts of Hermione or Harry with varied skin colors. Hell, draw and interpret canon in any way you want, buddy, it’s your interpretation and it’s awesome! But when I write about Hermione and Harry, in my mind’s eye, I envision them as your average caucasian kid.

Below are my explanations for it. You’re free to disagree or call me out, but please read them first before you condemn me to twelve years in Azkaban.

When Hermione is being called a Mudblood, she doesn’t react. She understands that it’s an insult but she doesn’t seem to grasp its actual meaning, even after she’s learned what it’s for, and as the series progresses, she still doesn’t react to it. She mostly tries to keep Ron from beating Malfoy into a pulp over it.

Now, this behaviour doesn’t strike me as that of a socially inept, extremely opinionated and argumentative, very bossy young woman.

I mean. Would Hermione be the sort to let herself be insulted without doing anything about it? She replies to Pansy Parkinson’s cruel barbs by comments of her own. She defends herself when she’s being called out by her friends. She has no problem insulting Ron when she thinks he’s being insensitive. Rita Skeeter talks shit about her and she ends up locked in a jar for a week!! But have Malfoy call her “Mudblood” and she remains silent, at least until the sixth book.

What if it wasn’t because she’s used to racism, but on the contrary because she doesn’t know how to handle it, because she’s never experienced it?

I mean, had Hermione ever gotten grief over her skin colour, she’d be outraged and disappointed that this ideal, magical new world, that she would consider an outlet from the racist bullies back home, had actually its own form of racism, right?

Seeing her reactions to being called a racial slur, Hermione doesn’t strike me as a person who experienced racism - it’s because she’s not used to it, because to her it’s isn’t someone insulting her heritage; rather, it’s just some bully calling her an insult that feels distant and faraway to her.

For example. I once got called a whore. I’m asexual, I’ve never dated anyone, and never once dressed in anything that could be considered as remotely risqué. Still I got called a whore. And it mostly left me a bit confused rather than offended, because I knew that if there was a word to use to qualify me, “whore” would definitely not be one. (For the curious ones, the guy called me a whore because of my lifelong obsession with Pokémon. Yes, I fail to see the logic as well.)

So when Hermione hears someone call her a Mudblood, she doesn’t really registers the word as being a racist comment, instead she considers it some trivial, playground-level insult. It’s exactly why Ron gets so angry and protective on her behalf: because she should be offended by such a slur, and she isn’t. Anyway, that’s always how I’ve read it.

Also, her comment on horses when she talks about Firenze. Now I know that people of color can be racist as well, but she says it so… casually, so flippantly. It’d strike me as odd that someone so sensitive to the plight of creatures seen as “subhuman” would be able to say something like that without understanding the implications… Unless she has no idea that referring to centaurs as “horses” is an extremely offensive thing to do, because she doesn’t realize how racist it sounds, because she herself has never heard someone, say, call her “a monkey” for being black.

And you know, I think that having Hermione as a white girl isn’t so bad, come to think of it. My opinion is probably going to come off as controversial but I really, really want to voice it.

We have Harry, Ron and Hermione, a set of three characters, all from different backgrounds, and all privileged in different ways.

For Harry, it’s fame and fortune. Being the Boy-Who-Lived, no matter how much he may complain about it, is something that puts him ‘above the rest’. It allows him to get away with ballooning up Aunt Marge because Fudge won’t have the Saviour of Wizarding Britain in prison over something as minuscule as one tiny breach of the Statute of Secrecy - yes, it’s sarcasm. The point is: Harry’s status as Boy-Who-Lived may cause him grief, but it certainly comes with a few perks.

Ron’s privilege is, of course, his blood status. Being a pureblood is valued among the magical community and could even make some Death Eaters think twice before killing you. I think Voldemort would want to preserve as much of the Sacred Twenty-Eight’s bloodlines, considering how few there are left. (and yes, I have my own headcanon for how exactly he’d keep them alive. Wait for it…)

Hermione’s privilege is, quite simply, her normal, comfortable life in the Muggle world. A life where nobody looks down on her origins; a life where she never had to experience a war and its aftermaths; a life where she might feel a bit the outcast due to her brains and accidental magic, but would you rather be an outcast and live, or be considered “impure” and be killed without a second thought?

So, each member of the trio has some form of privilege, and it’s counterbalanced by a lack of privilege somewhere else. The ironic thing is that it’s usually the privilege of another one of them!

Harry’s, we all know: not everyone can be raised in a loving, accepting home like Hermione and Ron do, and it hits him full force with the Dursleys. For all his money and fame, Harry lacks a true, warm family (luckily Ron is quick to offer him one). And even if he can see the Weasleys every summer, he still has to return to Privet Drive and be reminded for a few weeks that yes, these arseholes he’s forced to live with are his only still living relatives.

The Weasleys’ poverty is evidently one of the ways Ron lacks privilege, but the very thing that is considered a privilege in the magical community turns out to be a double-edged sword; being a blood traitor, in dear Bella’s own words, is “right next to being a Mudblood”. Now, I mentioned I had a headcanon for how Voldemort might try to keep the old bloodlines running? Well, even though they’re blood traitors, the blood’s still pure, right? You’d just need them to stop supporting these pesky Muggleborns… you could have one of them conceive an heir, a perfect blank slate whom you’d teach all about blood purity… Now wouldn’t that be convenient? (I am aware that this headcanon is absolutely horrifying and I’m sorry I ever came up with it. I was just thinking of what Molly might have said to try and stop Ron from going on the run in DH, and suddenly this popped into my head and I was like “oh this is so awful!… it’s perfect”.)

And finally, Hermione’s lack of privilege solely resides in the Wizarding World she loves so much, and is probably what she considers the only downside to her being a witch: the fact that she’s looked down upon by blood supremacists who hold on to archaic views, and sadly these guys are from rich families and have influence over several important people… since they can bribe the less morally sound, it makes them much more dangerous than a couple of penniless drunkards shouting abuse in the street.

Making Hermione into someone who’s been dealing with racism her whole life instead of giving her this comfortable, safe home to return to - it breaks the delicate balance of privilege / lack of privilege in the trio.

I personally think that Hermione’s character is much more interesting if you make her come into the Wizarding World as this wide-eyed little kid who’s already persuaded she knows everything and that she’ll be hailed as a prodigy, only to have her understand that, just as respect is not something you’re entitled to, but something you have to earn - that’s the first lesson she’ll learn from Ron - there are also people who just won’t respect you because they’re prejudiced little buggers - and that’s where Malfoy comes in (and sorry but he’s just here to be a disgusting bigot, not to be redeemed by Hermione’s luuuuurve).

I get it, the the whole “Hermione is discriminated in both worlds” theme makes her a very tragic character… But that’s exactly the problem. If you take away Hermione’s privilege, it ends up being “the terrible, tragic, angsty tale of Hermione Granger, woe is her”, and she ends up in a position where people will just throw her a gigantic pity-party.

The trio’s characters are carefully balanced, and making Hermione a victim of racism in both Muggle and magical worlds ends up screwing over the remaining two by putting more woes on Hermione’s shoulders. Making Harry a victim of racism as well does the exact same thing - and I’d argue it makes it worse, because Ron-bashers are already very eager to scream “omg so wha t if he doezn’t hav moneys he complain for nuthing what a t erribl e freind” and to completely disregard Ron’s struggles… so add discriminated, rejected-by-both-worlds Harry and Hermione into this mix and Ron’s issues would be downright ignored in favour of Harry’s and Hermione’s, who would seem to have “more misery” on their plates compared to him, at least in a purely mathematical sense (the argument being that “more issues to deal with = more misery”).

Okay, you’re still with me, you haven’t unfollowed me, and you’re not completely outraged at my reasoning? Then let me tell you again: I don’t care about the characters’ skin color, and you can interpret them any way you want. Make Harry have Asian ancestry or have Hermione be a black woman, be creative, have fun. This is the way I see the characters and the way I interpret them, and my own reasoning for doing so. A trio is a balancing act and must be carefully constructed so there is equilibrium on every side. Add or substract something and it all tips over. It’s the main reason why the trio is so unrecognizable in the movies, with a Harry as bland as canned soup, a Ron turned into both a joke and dead weight, and a Hermione as realistic as a turtle dancing the boogie on ice-skates.

The triangle is the most stable geometric figure. Without Harry, Ron and Hermione have no purpose (besides falling in love and living happily ever after of course). Without Hermione, Harry and Ron manage but lose a great deal of time, and then it might be too late for them to save the day. And without Ron… Harry and Hermione are downright unable to function, kind of like a horse with a broken leg.

Why do you think Rowling had created only three different wand cores at first? Or why Harry, Ron and Hermione present some qualities from Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff respectively? (yes, I associated Ron to Ravenclaw, because Rowena wanted “wit beyond measure” and Ron has wit in spades, and Hufflepuffs are known to be hard-working, which fits Hermione’s work ethic perfectly) Or why there are three Hallows, and why each member of the trio picks a different one? It’s all for the sake of the balancing act. A duo is made of opposites. A trio is made of complementarities.

… Well, this turned into an impromptu lecture on literature. I hope this’ll help you if you ever need to create your very own trio of heroes.

[inactiveblog261838]

bird books (stan uris x reader)

a/n: this is my first stan fic and i had so much fun writing it, i love my son so much ((,: enjoy!

Stan watched the door of his physics classroom intently, waiting for Y/N to walk in. Three other students walked in, momentarily followed by the girl Stan had been waiting for. She saw him and smiled, quickly making her way to the back of the room and sliding into her desk beside Stan’s.

“Hi Stanley,” she said cheerily, placing her textbook down on her desk.

“Hi, Y/N, how was your day?” Stan asked, realizing immediately how awkward he sounded.

“It was alright,” Y/N replied thoughtfully, “but it’s better now, as always, cause I have this class with this really neat guy named Stan.”

Stan laughed, but secretly felt elated by her comment. “Yeah, sure. This class is insanely boring, as am I.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, and they both focused on the teacher as he called out to the class, explaining their assignment for the day and passing out worksheets. She and Stan finished their work rather quickly, and spent the rest of the period talking about different things; she asked about Stan’s birdwatching, he filled her in on the new birds he’d spotted, which was the highlight of Stan’s day. She may not have actually cared, but if she didn’t she did a very good job of pretending that she was intrigued by him and his birds. All too quickly, the class began to draw to an end, and Stan’s elated mood began to drift downwards into disappointment and boredom. The bell rang, and Y/N asked Stan if he’d like to walk with her to her locker so she could give him the history notes he’d missed from a few days ago. He nodded, and walked beside her through the halls, feeling insecure and a little worried that someone would make a comment about them being together, but no one did. Y/N sifted through her shelf of notebooks and binders, found the one labelled World History, and handed it to Stan. As she explained what they’d gone over in class, Beverly spotted them and walked over.

“Oh, hey Bev!” Y/N exclaimed, “I forgot to ask you during class, but do you have plans for tonight? My parents are going to Bangor for the night and I don’t wanna house-sit alone.”

“I’ll be there,” Beverly replied, smiling.

“Great, I’ve gotta get going. See you later!” Y/N closed her locker and headed off down the hallway, while Stan watched after her longingly.

Beverly nudged him in the side, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously. “Geez, Stan, you’re practically drooling.”

“I am not!” he retorted, looking over at Beverly. She laughed, before her expression transformed into a thoughtful, calculating one. “Do you liiike her?”

Stan shrugged, walking off to find the rest of the Losers. Beverly quickly caught up with him, walking beside him and questioning him about his crush on Y/N.

“Okay, okay, fine- yeah, I like her. But she’s way out of my league, so it’s pointless. I just think she’s really great, she acts like she’s not embarrassed to be seen talking to me, and she asks about my birds, and she���s just so nice and smart and pretty, I can’t help but like her!” Stan explained, though he felt sure that she was only his friend because she was a nice person, and felt bad for him.

Beverly grinned. “I’ve got you, Stan, I’ll get you guys together by tomorrow! She likes you too, I think, she always tells me about you.”

Stan blushed, finding it hard to believe, but Beverly wouldn’t lie to him about something like this, or at least he hoped. “Yeah, I doubt it… but go ahead. If I make a fool of myself though, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing,” Beverly assured him, patting him on the back.

Later that afternoon, Beverly and Y/N were sitting on Y/N’s living room couch, watching some random movie they’d found laying around. Neither of them were invested in it, but it just so happened to be an overdramatic romance movie, which reminded Beverly of her task. She looked over at Y/N, who, instead of watching the movie, was looking at a book about birds.

“What’s that?” Beverly asked, peering at the book.

“It’s a bird book,” Y/N replied, glacing up, “I found it in my dad’s office a while back and thought I’d read it so I could kind of understand what Stan was talking about when he talks about birds in class.”

“Oh yeah, he is really into birdwatching,” Bev responded, “so… are you into him?”

“Huh?”

Beverly rolled her eyes. “Don’t ‘huh’ me, Y/N. Are you into Stan?”

Y/N looked away, pretending to watch the movie although they both knew that she wasn’t.

“So you are.”

Y/N shot Beverly a glance out the corner of her eye. “I- yeah, but don’t you dare tell him, Bev! I don’t want him to get weirded out and not talk to me anymore.”

“That wouldn’t happen, trust me. You guys should totally get together, yeah?”

“No way that would ever happen, I’m definitely not his type,” Y/N argued, looking at the couple on the TV screen kind of sadly.

“How do you know what his type is? I think you’re definitely his type- trust me, I’ve known Stan Uris for years and you’re the first girl he’s ever showed any kind of interest in,” Beverly assured her, wrapping an arm around her friend, “Trust me, Y/N, he’s crushing on you, no doubt in my mind about it!”

Y/N sighed, admitting defeat, mostly just so Beverly would drop it. “If you say so, Bev.”

“You’ll see, just wait.”

The next morning, Beverly found Stan before school, a huge grin plastered on her face. “Stan the Man, I worked my magic. She likes you a lot, so be ballsy and ask her out today, okay?”

Stan blushed, hiding his face behind the door of his locker. “I can’t believe you, Bev.”

“That’s not much of a thank you, but it’ll do I guess, you can thank me later after your wonderful date with Y/N,” Beverly teased, leaving Stan a blushing mess.

“Hey- wait- what do I say?” He called, but Beverly was gone. He sighed, shutting his locker and making his way to his first class, a giant ball of anxiety and excitement.

The day went by agonizingly slow, but once he got to his last class, he found that he was painfully nervous, and wishing that his other classes had gone by slower. Y/N came in, looking a little nervous as well, but remaining cheerful as she made her way to her seat and slid into the desk. “Hey Stanley,” she greeted him and they maintained their usual routine, both of them being unbearably nervous, completely unaware of the fact that the other was just as tense. When the bell rang, Y/N said bye to Stan and walked out. Mentally kicking himself, he rushed after her and caught up to her at her locker, awkwardly leaning against it.

“Hey, Y/N, I, um.. Shit, this is so embarrassing, I’m already messing up,” he sputtered, pausing momentarily to gain his composure. Y/N was looking at him, an amused expression on her face. “Would you maybe wanna go out for milkshakes with me tonight, and catch a movie or something?”

“I’d love that, Stanley. And, do you think maybe we could go birdwatching tomorrow? I’ve got this one bird I really wanna try to find,” Y/N’s face lit up as she talked, causing Stan to blush even more as he was captivated once again by how amazing she was.

“Yeah, yeah, we can absolutely do that,” Stan replied, marvelling at how lucky he’d gotten seemingly overnight, “I’ll see you at 6?”

Y/N nodded, a teasing smile forming across her pink cheeks. “I’ll be waiting.”

As Stan walked home, his mind raced. He had finally gotten the courage to ask Y/N on a date, after months of longing after her but fearing they’d only ever be friends. 

Thank God for Beverly and her persistence, he thought to himself, a content grin on his face the entire way home.

[findmyhouse]

An interview with Dani Lee Pearce

In 1992, when Frank Zappa was described by Nicolas Slonimsky as “the pioneer of the future millennium of music” because of his ground-breaking work with the Synclavier, one of the world's earliest digital audio workstations, Zappa immediately disavowed that title, convinced as he was that this technology would never catch on and would eventually go lost. Today, 25 years later, this way of composing and producing music is utilized by countless talented artists across the world, armed with nothing but a computer. One of the most exciting underground musicians who uses the technology that Zappa once helped popularize is Dani Lee Pearce. Since she started releasing music under her current name in January 2015, she has completed six albums covering a wide variety of genres, and is currently working on a seventh album. Her original album trilogy, consisting of the instrumental albums Dani Lee Pearce, Dépayse and Kelvin, was released in the first half of 2015 and combined elements of chiptune, progressive rock and experimental music. From then on, she has released a number of vocal albums that draw more inspiration from pop and folk music, starting with Notes Of A Nervous Little Pixie in March 2016 and following it up with Petrichor, which was released exactly one year ago today. Her most recent album, Dandilionheart, was originally released in February of this year and was later remastered and re-released in July. As a fan of her work, I was honored to have a chance to speak with Dani about her oeuvre and her plans for the future. 

Let's start with a somewhat clichéd question: Which musical artists do you feel your latest three albums have been most influenced by? It's quite difficult to narrow it down to just individual artists in a lot of respects. Music itself, in all the nuances and idioms it contains, tends to influence my work in at least one way or another. A lot of times I suggest or hint towards things that people probably wouldn't expect. Individual artists are there in some places, but I actually find it a lot more fun to have people try to guess what my music could be influenced from. Whatever gets guessed for a particular song is usually correct.

Can I make a guess? Go ahead.

The continuous driving rhythm, slightly droney nature and stream-of-consciousness style vocals on the track "Dandilionheart" (or at least the first part of it) reminded me of Talking Heads. Am I far off? Nope. Pretty much if you say "this reminds me of this" I will go "Yes" every time. I listen to music all the time of all genres and all of it gets worked into my psyche and inevitably comes out into the music somehow when I'm writing it. I may subconsciously be working in things I don't intend at any given time during the process.

From 2016’s Notes Of A Nervous Little Pixie onward, all of your albums have contained vocals. Is making vocal music something you had wanted to do ever since you started releasing music under the Dani Lee Pearce moniker, or did this desire come later? Earlier than that, like, 2013 at least, back when I made music under the name Kansas City 7up. My earliest recorded attempt was a song I never finished called "The Midnight Seer" from 2014, but ultimately shyness and a lack of the right equipment prevented this from happening sooner. After Kelvin I made a solid pledge to myself that my next album would have me singing because it would add an important and essential element to my music, and any new music I made would be saved until I could get that to happen. That's part of why the gap of time between Kelvin and Nervous Little Pixie was as long as it was.

Which do you usually write first: a composition or lyrics? That depends on what I think of first, although generally these days the words come first, in a rough form, since I will usually come up with things I want to say but not yet in any particular order how I want to say them. The music then helps me to establish a metric and pattern for how I will fit my vocals into the song in a way that works, which will in turn help me to revise the song and add things to it to make it gel. I try to work on each element independently because I like the challenge of creating music that surprises me in regards to the words I'm writing it for. Some of the things I've been working on recently are like that. It very much helps to keep my music fresh and unique to me. By contrast, all of my current albums were mostly music first, words second. Some songs took years to write proper words to, like "Tell Me I'm Cute Again Cause I Forgot", which previously existed with 3 different sets of lyrics before I finally settled on the current set. It's a more difficult way of working now but I will occasionally still try making a song that way for fun, since it enables some great creativity.

I'd like to talk about your album Petrichor, which is approaching its first birthday at the time of this interview: When you created the album, did you set out to make a concept album from the start, or was it an idea that came into play while you were working on it? The album came in many embryonic forms when I was first developing it. At first it was going to be an album called The Many Lives of Maypole, and it was going to document the life of a young girl with queer parents and her friendship with a child who later comes out as trans who has much more angry conservative parents. I was going to write a book in addition to an album of music to go along with it, and while only one song ever came out of this incarnation, the idea of an album + accompanying book stayed, and I later wrote "🌙🌙🌙", which I haven't gotten to publishing yet, to go along with Petrichor, containing poetry that elaborated upon the concepts of that album.

After Maypole it was then called The Giving Of Violets, an album which would have been about a capitalism-induced apocalypse that forces society to start over on a much better path, this time fully embracing LGBT rights among other things, as people are now more free to explore their identities gender and sex wise. The title is derived from a lesbian custom in the 50s where women would give each other violets to declare their love for one another, which in the story would be readopted as a gesture of affection. A good chunk of what would eventually be the finished album was written during this time, with early versions of "From Young Unknowing Eyes" "I Hope It Doesn't Rain" "Silver Tree’s Mixtress", "Twig Parade" and "Lute-Bird Calls" being put down in a test sequence, along with "Down In Evergreene", which was already done, and what eventually became "Give You My Earth" on Dandilionheart.

Some time later I had an anxiety-induced epiphany and spent a period of time very withdrawn in a quiet space only listening to quiet music, and I thought of an idea for an album of "whispersongs", very quiet music with whispered spoken word of very simple poems accompanying it. The project would have been called Rest Easy Love, and that's where I came up with "This Tree". This was the beginning of me writing poetry for a period of time, which eventually led to the writing of "Over My Wall" and "The Hill of Mist" as well. The Giving of Violets was dropped since I felt I could make the concept stronger, and later an album called The Scarlet Sky With Anais was developed but never fully finished. The song that eventually became "Monsters and Rainclouds" was listed as the final song of an album that also contained songs that would later become "Periwinkle Death", "Tell Me I'm Cute Again Cause I Forgot" and "Burning Pearls". "Down in Evergreene" was listed again also.

The actual concept began to develop around this time when I met three very important people: The first was a musician named Izzy Unger Weiss who met me for the first time at a birthday picnic, and the first thing we ever did together was sit down and play guitar. They introduced me to more worldly sensibilities both in their music and aesthetic, which began in me a more forthright interest in what I like to call "personal occult", which is essentially like a redefining of monsters, demons, spirituality, magic, the construction of the universe, etc. all on one's own terms, either casually or otherwise. Izzy did that to an extent, at least I could sense it, I'm not entirely sure if she would say the same but that's largely what my brain tends to produce for answers regarding it. Izzy was also overall a big musical influence at the time and made me more interested in learning guitar and writing guitar-based music. I'd later design a couple of album covers for her own music and eventually we may even collaborate on something.

The second person I met was Never Angel North, an agender independent author who was and still is writing an anthology of fiction collectively titled Sea-Witch. At that time the first volume was written but not yet released. Never's writing is unlike anything that's really been written in regards to fiction or poetry, especially in a queer/trans context, as it constructs an entire world inside of a living, breathing, feeling sea monster and the inhabitants who worship a meteor to whom they pray "may she lay us waste". The writing is at once emotional, intimate, sexual, terrifying, harrowing, ecstatic, decadent and mordant, but in all respects is absolutely brilliant and it completely redefines ones view of the world, of life, of gender, of quite possibly everything. It was being introduced to Never's writing and Never hirself that I became more open to the idea of constructing a world of my own in a similar fashion.

The third person, Jade Eklund, I met through Never, and she showed me through her own art how I could make this possible. Here was someone who practically lived and breathed their art which largely revolved around spiders and a recurring central character known as the Spider Queen. You'd enter her room and the walls would be covered in drawings ranging from spiders to seeing eyes to otherworldly presences, and she had filled out several notebooks of things that she had written stream-of-consciousness, and continued to build upon her mythology by doing the same on Facebook. We traded notebooks the first couple times we saw each other to get to know each other a bit, and she would draw/write surreal things in my notebook that inevitably influenced Petrichor's content, specifically the character of YESSAND the Masquerader King. I began writing poetry and concepts stream-of-consciousness in my own right, making up my own mythology taking inspiration from all three of these people and making frequent references to them in the process as I did so. This carried over into the eventual songwriting of Petrichor, and the creation and completion of the remaining songs.

"Monsters and Rainclouds" was at one point a song written specifically for Never, referencing a lot of elements of hir writing, and snippets of things Jade wrote in my notebook, which contained unfinished lyrics for Petrichor's songs, found their way into "Masqueraders" and the background voices of "Lute-Bird Calls".

Well damn, I was planning to ask some more follow-up questions about the story, the role of Jade Eklund (whom you credited in the album's description on Bandcamp) and even the voice samples on "Lute-Bird Calls", but you've already answered everything I could ask about the album. I'll be sure to look into the works of the other artists you mentioned just now.

I’d like to talk about your latest album now: Dandilionheart. In contrast to Petrichor, which is an epic, prog-like concept album, Dandilionheart is a collection of avant-garde pop songs that seem to be only loosely connected thematically, much like Notes Of A Nervous Little Pixie. Was it a relief to be able to write self-contained songs again or is it actually easier for you to write music when you have an overarching concept to work within? Concepts are actually quite difficult because you become restrained within one world of thought, and if you want to make it work you can't stray too far from it. Petrichor is a satisfying work but it was stressful to have to write about one thing for 8 months. Some of Dandilionheart's songs I actually began writing in tandem with that album, just to give me another outlet for other ideas at the time. So I would say that yes, I actually have more fun with individual songs than anything else, and I will probably continue writing in that context. I'm someone whose mind always wanders to different places at different times, so it's important for me to have a variety of ideas going because it feels more free to me. In that respect Dandilionheart was quite nice to make.

There’s another difference I’ve noticed between the two albums: On Petrichor, the vocals are quiet and dreamlike throughout, whereas on Dandilionheart they have a more prominent and more powerful presence. Is this the result of a conscious decision or simply a natural consequence of you becoming more confident about using your voice and getting more familiar with the recording process, et cetera? I was very confident with my voice when it came around to Dandilionheart and in a lot of places I get really into the song and just let loose, try things with it that I hadn't tried before. "Let Me Remind You" is currently home to the highest note I've ever sung for example. In some ways it is conscious as well because I always try to make albums independent from each other, like making films without visuals. I largely let the music decide what my voice will do though, and the music was definitely a departure. The fact that I actually sing loud is another indicator, I had never really done that before this album.

Let’s go back once more to the 13-minute title track of Dandilionheart. As you can probably tell I'm intrigued by the process by which specific music gets developed, and if I’m correct, “Dandilionheart” (the song) is the longest track out of your latest musical trilogy. Did you set out to create a track of such length before writing it, or did it naturally evolve into what it ended up being? The project file name for the song is "something maybe", which indicates that when I started this I didn't even know if it was going to turn into anything substantial. I was largely at the time playing around with the sample from what became the end of "Galaxy Owl" just to see for fun if I could take it anywhere and the more I developed the piece the more it kind of took on a life of its own. Specifically the section right before the lyrics was when I got the first inkling that the song would become what it ended up becoming. I realized three minutes in that it sounded thematically linked to a composition I had written in 2013, so I ended up stringing that (the "let all the rain come down" section) together along with another composition I had written in Sept. 2016 (the "goddexx bless" section) on the basis that they all shared a similar drive and tempo. When I got them all together and listened to it back I was dumbfounded at how perfect all the pieces sounded together, and then I had my song. I knew it was special and I knew I had to make it the title track from then on, and the lyrics were later written to fit the best I could with the sound.

Do most of your songs come into existence through something along the lines of what you just described? Sometimes, yes. "Masqueraders" happened the same way only with one additional section. I don't think I've quite written anything else in exactly this way, but I do still find uses for old unused compositions I have lying around.

What is the biggest challenge you encounter when composing music? I don't really face any incredibly big challenges in the composing bit itself except for sometimes finding uses for a composition, because sometimes I will write something but not have any particular idea what to do with it yet. I think my biggest challenges actually come in producing/mixing a track properly, which I am always very persnickety about.

I think also, at least today, it's trying to figure out how I want to do a song that I have lyrics written for. The number of approaches I could take is very broad and it's hard to find a direction that I think fits my words the best. I'm dealing with that situation presently for one song.

I think you've told me in 2015 that your first three albums were made primarily using FL Studio. Do you still use this or have you switched to a different workstation in the mean time? Dani Lee Pearce was actually also partially made with Ableton Pro when I was in college ("You For You Four Ich", "Every Clock Is 3 Minutes Behind"), and with a Casio Keyboard ("Animated Tattoo"). Otherwise yes, FL Studio is still my weapon of choice. At this point I visualize my songs as project files within that DAW and can make an instrumental up in under an hour at times. I don't anticipate that I'll change from it at any time soon since I'm so familiar with it and can work with it so efficiently.

Like you said, in your original album trilogy from 2015, there were a few tracks that were played on a keyboard, and “Moth Girl” was originally recorded on acoustic guitar but was later rerecorded using a DAW when you reissued your latest album. Do you still use any physical instruments in your recordings, and/or do you plan on using physical instruments in the future? Of my yet-to-be-released work I have one song that does in fact have me playing guitar, and another song in which I have had someone record guitar for me. One of my girlfriends is also going to be contributing guitar to my music eventually, and at some point I plan to record myself playing clarinet for some songs, as that is the one instrument I have proficiency at.

Is there anything else you’re willing to disclose about what we can expect from you in the future? More surprises. And more ways to convey them.

I can’t wait.

I’m nearing the end of my question list now. Can you recommend to anyone who reads this interview two artists who deserve far more attention than they’re getting right now? Rumor Milk is a very good musician friend of mine from Canada who gets very little attention for her work but she has a voice that has made me well up in tears multiple times. She is very talented and it would mean the world to her if more folks would check out and support her music. Chase Milo Reid is one of the first trans musicians I ever met when I came to Portland homeless and I've watched him perform live and develop as a talent in amazing ways. He's another who I think is worth people's attention and he would also very much appreciate additional support.

Finally, if you’ll allow me to ask one more clichéd question: what advice would you give to other aspiring musicians? Don't listen to advice intended for aspiring musicians given by musicians who are no longer aspiring. Let your soul do the talking. Let it dig into itself and find what makes it you, and turn that into art. Allow yourself to be raw and wild. Change it however you wish. Don't change it at all. However you do it, just make something, anything. And most importantly, make a fucking shitload of it.

Thanks immensely for your time; I've thoroughly enjoyed this interview. I'll be sure to check out all the artists you brought up and I'll be sure to use the word "persnickety" as much as possible now that I've been introduced to it. I've very much enjoyed doing this! Thank you very much for your interest in me, it helps me to remember that I'm doing something that reaches people.

_____

Dani’s music can be found here and here. You can read my review of Petrichor here.

[spamzineglasgow]

(REVIEW) Pain Journal Issue 3

In this review, Maria Sledmere draws out the material poetics of intimacy, glimmer, memory and salt in issue 3 of Pain Journal, from Partus Press, asking what kinds of dream-writing and ecopoetics we might find among the tangle, the camaraderie, the trace.

> Pain is an immaculate journal of new poetry and short, creative essays, edited by Vala Thorodds and Luke Allan, published by Partus Press and designed by Studio Lamont. Folding out the cover of issue 3, you’ll find an epigraph from Robert Creeley’s ‘The Flower’: ‘Pain is a flower like that one, / like this one, / like that one, / like this one’. Pain is a making, a sap, a sort of seedling and fruiting of where we are in the years. It likens itself to more than we’d tend to acknowledge. A blood, a fur of skin, a flower. It’s such a luxury to hold issue 3 in its peachy, matte dust jacket, admiring the beautiful type and the list of contributors. There’s an air of the covetable to Pain: maybe it’s the print quality, maybe it’s the poetry, maybe it’s the curation. I think it’s also something to do with the cover, dominated by the sans serif title PAIN: when I read this walking in the street, I make some kind of statement. It feels charged with the ambiguity of some high fashion statement, and yet what lucky readers are we that something of the contents may tell the pain — we don’t just wear it.

> Where to start! These are lush poems of communication, intimacy, sensation. Ásta Fanney Sigurðardóttir’s ‘Gleam & delicacies’ is a surreal and elliptical lyric of superstitious glimmer. Poetry as ‘a trap for the superstitions’. I find myself googling what a ‘glowfruit’ is and find some reddit discussions around the appearance of ‘glowfruit trees’ in Sims games. There’s this line, ‘I still have wild glowfruit trees. Do you?’, which feels like a summons, a challenge. Enter into this logic with me, where the one-time event of the glowfruit’s arrival has seeded the game’s eternal time. Someone comments, ‘They seem kind of random to me’. I had forgotten the magic of games and their luxurious richness and dream logic of glitches and hacks and splintered paths of narrative. Perhaps my childhood adoration of Sega and Nintendo was my way into poetry. The opening veils of an overlain world. Sigurðardóttir’s poetics have that quality of drifting between rooms and scenes, or falling between bodies and scales by one gesture of a linebreak, the slide of a button control, ‘I give birth to suns / for the morning hoax / slippery planets’. It reminds me of David O’Reilly’s video game, Everything, where you can move between a roving shrub, a celestial body and an oil rig in the space of ten minutes. What is meant by a ‘nighthaired waiter’? There is a dream-hand that extends to our proprioceptive venturing, that offers casual refusal (‘I didn’t come here to toothbrush the wolf’) by way of assembling the real and its purpose. The real which feels more like a ‘silhouette’.

> Significant, perhaps, that this poem of mirror-tricks and shimmers stands opposite Ruby Silk’s ‘Re:’, a poem that takes the banal conceit of email and pulling on tights in the swimming pool changing room to figure something of desire and its thirst. ‘we communicate drily’, the poem begins, ending with a slide on the nature of being quenched, on the question. Both poems forego punctuation, and more or less carry themselves on the turns of language: objects form a multiple syntax of moving between. Their cleanness on the page is perhaps what makes them gleam, they seem to hold their own. The gleam is present elsewhere in the issue, with Eloise Hendy’s ‘scrubland’ beginning, in the manner of Marianne Moore moving into Plath territory, ‘i too have a gleaming future. / a future like a fish scale, the eye / of a small bird’. Trauma or remembered pain is a matter of scale(s) and perception, of the body and its existential whittling, whitening. The speaker asks about whiteness, light, memory and dream: ‘all that spilt milk. all that gleaming’. You could say the gleam is metonymy for shame, the beaming cheeks, the sense of glowing or almost burning there in the situation. No capitals, a whittling. The idea of ‘nonsense’ itself, whittling down to the first gleam, its tender origin: ��as a girl i was very soft’. The way the lines and stanzas slip, enjambed between, the idea of a passing through. The speaker offers her hurts: her fish eye, her pale appetite, her starved future, her dreams of fish bones and choking. ‘be gentle with me’, she implores. I think of this line from the film Lady Bird (2018), after Lady Bird loses her virginity under a pretence of shared experience and the boy Kyle is like ‘Do you have any awareness about how many civilians we’ve killed since invasion in Iraq started?’ and she replies, ‘SHUT UP. SHUT UP. Different things can be sad. It’s not all war’. ‘as an adult i am softer still’, Hendy writes, as though softening herself into the palest ghost and somehow becoming defiant, ‘my hand / is an arrowhead. a future / like a fish eye’.

> It’s no surprise that Pain is tinged with other existential tremors, those of the body and the world, of ecology and domesticity, of sex and dust. Helen Charman’s ‘In the pocket of Big Pig’ wears high theory cool on its sleeve as it sweeps into the muck and dirt of where we are. The movement of ‘manmade’ materials into the ‘natural’ is an aesthetic act: ‘Plastic / can holders entwine themselves around the / sea kelp — to tame and smooth frizz’. In that em-dash I feel the lines reaching out, the kelp and the twine and the human arms, the bristles. Does poetry do more than brush back the mess of the world, or tease it back into static? What are the ethics of pain’s poetic entanglement?

    ecopoets try again and again to convince us of the whiteness of the snow drift. I like            muddy ducklings               dirty reedbeds

                                                          (Charman, ‘In the pocket of Big Pig’)

If ‘muddy ducklings’ has that childlike assonance of storybook rhyme, ‘dirty reedbeds’ feels adult, insistent, dark. The place where you tangle and possibly drown. Turning away from the pristine ‘snow drift’ that pulls us into the picturesque, an ecopoetics that continues the aesthetic throwback of nature poetry before it, this is an anthropocene poetics of living in a fraught, affectively entangled now: ‘I think we’re nostalgic for more than VHS when we / fuck in front of the Blue Planet poster misty-eyed as if / we’ll ever get to show the oceans to our own kids’. Sex is ambivalently yoked to procreation in the ‘misty-eyed’ act of fucking to get back to something primal, deep and planetary. The world as it once supposedly was and exists now mostly as mediation: scenes on tv, posters for Blue Planet. And the word ‘fuck’ for sex that feels iterative rather than tender, two bodies trying to make something of what they have, an intensified point in time and space, a mediation or trace of each other.

> A similar kind of iterative sweetness and friction occurs in Jack Underwood’s ‘Behind the Face of Great White Shark’, where some new entry to the ecosystem upsets the home, ‘Since we brought you home from the hospital / I have begged these hours to a stub’. Enter the metaphoric playground of sharks and dogs, worms, rats, beans and bananas. Something of this new love, the baby perhaps, the shark or the tender thirsty thing at dawn, is a hurt: ‘I admit I have been sick / since we met, pursuing this love-wound / like a moon beyond the windscreen’. A love you’d drive to all through the night, to arrive back where you started, chaste in your own ‘dawn kitchen’ with a moony look in your eye. I think of Dorothea Lasky’s ‘wild lyric I’, the one she discusses in her new book Animal: this playful and manipulative ‘metaphysical I’ that ‘can harness all fragmented senses of self and use them whenever it needs to’. Underwood’s I thrashes like a shark on the sick shores of a new love, a birthing tide, dark and light. An I that threatens violence, desire from all angles and limbs ‘fucking ambidextrously’; an I that ‘can keep you safe inland’, that pulls you into its glow, for this is just ‘the lesser work of living’.

> It is tricky to identify highlights from a journal where, as with amberflora (whose sensibilities resonate here), the selections are impeccable: focused, resonant, but also lovely alone. Nina Mingya Powles’ ‘The Harbour’ has something of Clarice Lispector’s radiance, pressed into a teeming poetics of its own. Its section titles add an epistolary quality, italicised as they are, ‘Dear whales,’, ‘Dear dreamer,’. Post-Arika, with all talk of Moby Dick and the mathematics of the whale, it seems these cetaceans are having a real moment. Powles’ address to the whale is elegiac, ‘I can pinpoint all the places you have died, / where I’ve buried you’. She’s putting pressure on the work of metaphor, the whale as so much more than whale, the whale as what cannot be contained, the whale that cannot contain itself. Her whale is more of a comrade, a friend:

When I looked out of the train and saw your deep blue body and you saw mine you stayed close to me, swimming alongside. We were both travelling home.

What if ecopoetics, or anthropocene poetics, were something more like this surprising camaraderie? Does it matter whether the encounter was imagined or actually happened? Running through Pain is this suffering silk with its shadows and texture of echo and gleam, ‘the dream is wet skin against her hands / the fact is echolocation’ (Powles). I’ve been thinking about what the tensile ethics of this fugitive touch are: the touch of the image, the whale and the speaker on the train, the relative distance of speed and time between them, the hospitality she extends to the animal she is also. ‘I’ll show you my mother’s potted orchids’, in a world where to cross one human threshold is to know that later the sea will be deep enough for you once more. Pain asks how much of each other we need to hold. There’s this passage from Hélène Cixous’ novel Hyperdream (2006) that speaks to this:

I hear it, I hear a murmur your skin speaks, a blood thinks, I hear your thought running under the skin I hear your life thinking under the neat eternal spotless silk. I read with my life. I am torn. At the same time I am healed and glued back together again. During this time the world suffers and dies [...]

What is the murmur of our speaking skins, our thinking blood? The body that dreams? One pain can open the next, there’s a gesture of infinity, the way that Anne Boyer identifies in her ‘meditation on modern illness’, The Undying (2019): ‘My new calamity meant it was possible to feel every cell at once and, in these, every mitochondrion, and that it was possible, too, to have a millionfold shitshow of sensations in locations newly realised’. To have your body illumined, intensified, surged to the end of each nerve and cell with this searing consciousness. When I had shingles, I felt real dreams; they seemed to extend to a million tips, concentrated in clusters on the skin of my belly. Real dreams/real hurt. Is a body in pain the body that dreams the most, from her almost-paralysis in sensory excess? I think poems like Powles are asking these questions, declaring, spacing, opening up, leaving us on the brink of a blank that is its own quiet sublime, ‘everything is so !’. And if ‘the fact is letting go’, what of the fact have we been holding all along? Is this like Creeley, gesturing towards this or that flower, as a way of describing, to insist on it. Something we ask as children: does a flower or a plant feel pain? Pain, pain. There it is in the world, it just is, like a flower, or something more tiny and abrasive, salt after salt. A period.

> Rowland Bagnall’s essay ‘The Metal We Call Salt’ closes the journal with a meditation on the poetry of Philip Levine and Elizabeth Bishop, writers who ‘[address] the delicate failure of poetry to say the things which can’t be said’. This is Creeley, surely, with the flowers which stand for the shapeless pain. I’m reminded of a line from Rachael Allen’s ‘Kingdomland’: ‘the glass and salt my crooked pathway; impassable glass and salt’. The glittering remainders which excoriate the entry and exit of threshold, painful debris of the sea. This is the ‘tantalising’ poetics that Bagnall writes of, words that ‘say that they are lost for words’, words that gift and withhold by their material gesture: words that carry traces of what they may be. Salt-tanged and gleaming as glass. ‘What got revealed when the layers of leaves / Were blown backwards?’ Ralf Webb asks, in his ‘Three Sonnets’. What is it to walk over the crunching ‘pathway’ of such poems for pain, ana-cathartic as they move into, above, through, around and from the wound and its ferric sting? The essay also looks at the paintings of John Salt and photographs of Mark Ruwedel, considering how as a preservative and purifier, salt as both an archival and corrosive mineral: art as what consumes and reveals, what glints with the not yet spoken. Salt in the wound for pain will sting, but it will clear. These poems are such interfusions, sweetness and dreams, the ‘torn’: healed and suffering of a life and a world, coming over. And, for just a while, Pain will hold you together, soft in its peachy embrace.

Pain issue 3 is out now and available to purchase here.

~

Text: Maria Sledmere

Published: 5/1/20

[joemerl]

Julycanthropy 2019

Hey, anybody interested in the novel that I’m writing? No, guys, come back.

So, this year I learned about Julycanthropy, which is where you use a bunch of prompts to draw werewolves each day. I found several people who instead decided to use them as writing prompts, and since my novel is about werewolves it seemed like I should try something myself. 

Basically, this is backstory, starting about twelve years before my story begins and ending a little before the present. Read if you’re interested, and I hope that you enjoy. 

Word count: 2,865.

New Moon

Roger turned into a wolf for three days every week. It had nothing to do with the moon, as evidenced by the fact that it was almost invisible tonight.

He didn’t need the light—his wolf eyes could see excellently in the dark, and he barely even needed them with how strong his ears and nose were. But he missed the moon when it was gone. It made him feel even more lonely.

On the hunt

It was several weeks of practice before Roger first managed to take down a doe. He spent three days gorging on it before leaving almost half of its meat untouched. He felt kind of guilty about that, and afterwards mostly restricted himself to rabbits and mice. They were easier to catch, anyway. 

Meal

“Can we please not talk about this during dinner?” his wife Carla asked, cutting up food for their younger son, Curtis.

Roger gave her a wooden smile, then turned back to six-year-old Randall, who had started the conversation.

“I eat rabbits because a deer is too big for just one wolf,” he said, trying to sound lighthearted about the whole thing. “But maybe I’ll catch one for the two of us once you start to change.”

There was a loud CLANK of cutlery as Carla looked up at him, nostrils flaring. Both boys recoiled in their seats, but Randall turned back to his father with cautious but curious eyes.

He forced a smile again. “...Of course, it’s always nicer when I get to eat your mom’s delicious cooking at home.”

Run

Carla was livid. “I don’t care!” she said. “I don’t want you talking about this in front of them!”

“All I’m trying to do is get Randall prepared!”

“You’re scaring him! It’s bad enough that you disappear half the week, Curtis keeps asking where you are, and Randall—”

“You can’t keep running from the facts, hon! His birthday is less than a month away! And after that—he needs to be prepared for after that,” he muttered, looking down at the floor. “He’s gonna start changing, whether we like it or not.”

She stared at him with her dark, furious glare. “And whose fault is that?” she spat.

Magic

Once upon a time, there was a mean old witch. One guy who lived in her neighborhood didn’t believe in witches. One day, he did something to make her mad—Randall didn’t know what. But the witch was so mad that cursed the man to turn into a wolf for three days every week, and then, to be extra evil, said that the same thing would happen to his sons after their seventh birthdays.

One of the girls at school said that witches weren’t actually real. Randall knew that she was wrong, just like his dad had been. 

Feather

Randall and Roger got along well. They were both playful and easygoing, even now that this whole curse thing had added so much stress to their lives. Neither one of them wanted Randall to be cursed, but at least they were together for the whole week again.

Birds of a feather flock together, Roger thought that first night, as his newly seven-year-old puppy snuggled against him in their tent. Now what would that expression be for wolves?

Tranquilly

Randall had been really scared to change, even though his dad kept saying that it wouldn’t be scary. But it was scary, and it hurt, and now he was a wolf and it felt weird and he was sad that Mom and Curtis were at home while he was stuck here in the woods. 

But he was with Dad, in a tent that they had constructed together back when they had hands. So he laid his head against his father’s furry chest and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the forest. His dad nuzzled his face, and slowly he began to feel safe. 

Rage

One week before, Roger had been alone in the forest, getting ready to transform, thinking about his son joining him the following week. He slammed a fallen branch against the nearest tree trunk and screamed bloody murder at the sky. Even when he was in wolf form he howled and bit himself and threw himself against the ground, cursing that witch and himself for what they had done to his family.   

Relaxation

Neither father nor son ever completely relaxed in the forest, trapped in bodies that were never quite their own. Randall felt much happier at home, snuggling with his parents in front of the TV or playing games with Curtis.

Bones

Roger taught Randall to hunt over the coming months, and soon deer had replaced rabbits as their prey of choice. Either way, two wolves ate a lot, and the area where they made camp was collecting quite a large number of gnawed-up animal bones.  

One hunting expedition went wrong, however, and Randall wound up with a broken front leg. He hobbled on it for a day and a half, mewling in agony, before he could finally turn back into a human. He still had a broken arm, and they couldn’t even go to the doctor for it. His mom wrapped and unwrapped it each time he changed for the next few weeks, all while shooting furious looks at his father, who stared guiltily at his feet.

Escape

“But how do you break the curse?” Curtis asked shortly after his sixth birthday.

“I don’t—I don’t think there is a way to break it, Curt.”

“But there’s gotta be.” 

He never fully gave up that goal.

Snarl

Carla and Roger’s relationship had never been idyllic, and the curse added an extra strain. It was a rare fight when she didn’t remind him what he had done to their children, or how it felt being abandoned for three days every week.

Over time it became clear that Curtis took after his mother. He had the same mercurial personality and the same hatred of lycanthropy. He started to acting out to Roger more and more as his seventh birthday approached, and could often be found cuddling up with Carla, the two sharing their frustrations about the family’s situation.

Claws

Curtis seemed nervous but calm on the drive down the forest, listening to his father and brother reassure him that everything would be alright.

When the change actually started, however, he clawed at his skin in agony, begging for some way to keep it from happening.

Paws

Wolves have five toes on each front paw, but only four on the back. That meant that one toe sort of just disappeared every time they changed.

Curtis counted his toes every time he turned back into a human, no matter how much his father mocked him about it.

(“Huh? I didn’t mock him,” Roger said, surprised and hurt by his wife’s accusation. “I just chuckled a little. I thought it was cute!”)

Nature

“Look, I know it’s hard. Really, I do,” Randall whispered, kneeling down to look his little brother in the eye. “But...this is just how it us for us Packwood men. You’ll get used to it soon. I promise.”

Curtis didn’t even look at his brother, just glared down at the coffee table. “I don’t want to be used to it. I want to be normal again.”

Waxing

Things got better for a while. Curtis still hated changing, even more than Roger or Randall, but he did get used to it. He spent his first weekend pretty much just lying on the ground and shaking, but after a few more weeks he would run around, wrestle and howl with the others, and they learned a few tricks to help bring him out of his shell as both a human and as a wolf.

Carla had been miserable when Curtis started to change, both for him and because of her own loneliness. Baby Con helped with that. Obviously she complained about having taking care of him alone half the week, but he kept her busy and became quite the cheery little mama’s boy as the years wore on. 

Waning

“I hate hunting,” Curtis said, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

Randall forced a smile, giving him a playful push on the shoulder. “Aw, but you’re so good at it. Much better than me or Dad!”

Curtis scowled. He was only eleven, but was already in the sullen teenage phase that had largely bypassed his fifteen-year-old brother.

Things between their parents were getting bad too. They were fighting a lot more lately, with their mom often close to tears and their father just looking tired. Eventually the two separated, but Randall kept telling himself that it was only temporary. The two seemed even more miserable when they were apart; they cared about each other too much to not reconcile eventually.

Chained

Though he was no longer living with the family, Roger came over every week to pick up Randall and Curtis so that they could go into the woods to change. 

Then one week, he didn’t. 

Carla drove them, sighing and seething the whole ride to the forest. This wasn’t fair, she thought, glancing at her sons in the rear-view mirror. Roger was the one of who got them cursed---why did they still have to do this even when he was gone?

Howl

Randall insisted that their father had just had car trouble, or lost his phone, or something. He would be there when they got to the woods. Or show up sometime during the weekend.

“Liar,” was the first word Curtis said when they turned back into humans on Sunday.

Randall said the same thing, with less conviction, when they went to the forest the following week. And once again, their father failed to show. Curtis went to sleep in their tent, but Randall stood outside as though waiting for him to show up. 

Halfway through the night, he stared up at the new moon and howled.

Sharp

Occasionally, the boys transformed at home, usually for birthdays or holidays. This time, Carla came into the living room and was shocked to see five-year-old Con stabbing Curtis with a knife. 

Gently, on the front leg, as Curtis sat there and let him. As she screamed at them, Con yelled that Curtis had asked him to cut him before he transformed, because he read that making a werewolf bleed would turn them back into a human. He had been studying a lot of old legends like that, trying to find something that would finally break the curse. 

Large

Con couldn’t understand why Curtis didn’t want to be a werewolf, of course. He loved the rare weekends when his brothers transformed at home, when he could cuddle up beside wolf-Randall and wrestle with him around the house. Everybody said that he might not be a werewolf, since he was born after the witch cursed his dad, but all Con wanted was to grow up and be a big-boy werewolf like his brothers and hang out with them every time they changed. 

Slick

Nobody outside of the family knew about the curse, of course. Their neighbors simply thought that the boys enjoyed camping, a story which Curtis rather expertly maintained to his best friend, Dennis, who lived next door. 

Of course, “camping” seemed like a pretty poor excuse to miss church every Sunday, even if they attended the Wednesday night services, so Pastor Gerig was under the impression that they visited family each weekend. Carla could even count on five-year-old Con to cheerfully keep up the ruse.

She knew she should be more worried about that, but she didn’t really see any other option.

Space

Practically every night that he was a wolf, Randall would sit on his favorite rock and gaze up at the stars. Curtis couldn’t understand how he found this so entertaining.

Clock

Sundown on Thursdays is when they transformed. Curtis spent all day checking the clock, dreading when he and Randall would have to go out into the woods, and then all day Sunday watching the sun, waiting for it to go down enough that they could change back again.

Climb

“Can werewolves climb trees?” Con asked, sitting in the boughs of the one near their house.

“Sure, little cub,” said Randall, who was sitting with his back against the trunk. “It’s a bit harder than doing it with hands, though.”

Con hung upside-down from the branch, his long hair nearly reaching the top of Randall’s head. “When I turn into a wolf, will you and Curtis teach me how to do it?”

“If you turn into a wolf one day, sure.”

Con scowled at that qualification.

Broken

One weekend, their mom told Curtis and Randall to stay home. She wouldn’t explain why, just browbeat them until they agreed. 

Changing at home was a mixed bag. On the one hand, they didn’t have to go hunting, instead eating steak and hamburger (and eating so much that staying home every week wasn’t really an option). On the other, their more wolfish instincts compelled them to roam around the woods, so that just sitting and watching TV all day made them feel tense and confined.

Randall spent most of Friday and Saturday playing with Con, letting him ride on his back or having wrestling matches on the couch (which always ended with Randall pinning him and licking his face, to Con’s delight). Curtis moped all weekend because of course he did, but Con put on one of his favorite movies and read to keep him entertained. Overall Randall thought that it was a pretty nice weekend.

Until they changed back Sunday night, and their mom finally worked up the courage to tell them what the doctor had told her. 

Pain

“The last thing I wanna see is one of you boys in pain.”

Curtis doesn’t like to think about the days surrounding his mother’s death. 

Smoke

Randall was eighteen, and now his brothers’ legal guardian. Thanks to the curse, Curtis moving to the city with their grandparents wasn’t doable, and Con was understandably terrified at the idea of moving there alone. 

The next few months were difficult, obviously, but Randall did a good job of keeping things together. He couldn’t get a normal job, since normal jobs generally require working more than four days per week, but he managed to scrounge up enough money, barely, to get by. He comforted Con when he cried. He tried to give Curtis space, though his efforts on that front were shakier than he would have liked.

With his lazy smile and laidback tone, you barely could tell how lost he felt, groping ahead as he stumbled along, his lungs sometimes burning every time that he breathed— 

Discovery

Con began to accompany his brothers on their camping trips every week.

It was the first time that he had every actually watched them transform, and the first time that he had been allowed to play with them as wolves outside. It meant three days every week when he got to run around through the trees with Randall, climb trees with Randall and listen to Randall howl up at the sky. (Curtis, of course, spent most of his time moping around on the ground, because he’s boring.) Sometimes he got to see them hunt, which was scary but also exciting, and then eat, which was gross but also exciting. (Con had a backpack full of snacks and sandwiches for himself.)

Then at night he would read the bedtime story, since neither of them could talk, and then curl up beside them to go to sleep. If he got scared or sad about Mom then Randall would lick his tears away and play with him some more. It was great.

Con was counting the weeks until his seventh birthday, when he would finally find out if he would turn into a werewolf too.

Home

Con chattered happily the whole ride home as Curtis sat in moody silence. He was having one of those almost dysphoric moments that he got on Sunday nights, when his own human body felt strange after three days as a wolf. 

Three miserable days with nothing to do, unless he wanted to run around and howl at the sky like his two idiot brothers.

Once they got home Curtis made a beeline for the bathroom and took a long, hot shower. Then he stumbled into his room (which used to be Randall’s room, before Randall moved into the master bedroom) and collapsed onto his mattress. He lied there for a long time, trying not to think, trying not to remember that he had to do this whole damn thing again in four days.

Full moon

Five days later, Randall was sitting on his favorite rock, looking up at the sky again.

The moon was full. It looked nice. Seemed comforting, somehow. Reminded him of when he used to sit up here with Dad.

But it also made him feel wistful. Reminded him of all those stupid werewolf stories, the ones that Curtis still vigorously tore through trying to find some cure for their curse. He envied the werewolves in those stories. They only had to change one night per month, after all.

[comicteaparty]

September 14th, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 14th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Nine Twilights by Andrea Rosales, Anne Mortensen-Agnew, and Chris Hansbrough.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing Nine Twilights by Andrea Rosales, Anne Mortensen-Agnew, and Chris Hansbrough~! (http://www.ninetwilights.com/) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~! With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

DracoPlato

I think I like the latest page the most because it was the happiest so far and she looks cute trying on the dress. RebelVampire

yeah i really liked seeing her embrace freedom there and get to enjoy herself.

especially since even before the big odin reveal her life was pretty crappy

was going to slap her teacher so hard O_O

DracoPlato

yeah her teacher was such a jerk >n<

I liked the transformation scene too because of the colors, but I thought it seemed really random with the rest of the tone of the story so maybe not my favorite since I wtfed a lot during it

MathTans

Hey-yay-yay-yayyay, hey-yay-yay... I said hey. What's goin' on. (re: latest page)

(That's totally He-Man meme in the background, right?)

RebelVampire

omg it is he-man

i didnt even notice

JudgementScythe

it migght be

RebelVampire

thats amazing

DracoPlato

oooomg that's awesome, lol

JudgementScythe

Andrea likes to have fun with the background elements

AndreaRosales

Hello! I'm Andrea! I'm the artist of Nine Twilights!

MathTans

As to fave scene, I'm gonna go right back to Page 13. The conversation while walking down the stairs on one side, with the rainbow on the other. That just looked so neat, like a juxtaposition of the normal with the fantastical, and I would have never thought of doing the layout that way.

AndreaRosales

I love backgrounds, but my favorite thing in making this comic is honestly just having fun with facial expressions. I love having characters emote and really act.

DracoPlato

your facial expressions are amazing, those were my favorite part of the comic

annemagnew

Anne, the writer here

DracoPlato

I really really liked the art in this

AndreaRosales

Aww garrrrsh thank you!

JudgementScythe

yeah the stairs page was one of my favorite things she sent me. It was just a really cool idea for the movement and storytelling of a page

AndreaRosales

Aw, yay! Thwe whole team is here!

MathTans

Though I also liked the transformation scene. I might have squeed.

I didn't expect it, but thought, that ups things.

DracoPlato

I thought visually it was gorgeous

altho wouldn't have minded more norse themes incorporated into the outfit

MathTans

Yay for team synergy! I'm impressed at how you work together.

DracoPlato

it reminded me more of greek designs

MathTans

I freely admit to my ignorance as far as norse goes.

AndreaRosales

The bare inks of stair page!

MathTans

Coolness! You keep all that on hand?

AndreaRosales

I do!

Actually, let me know if you guys wanna see any concept art!

I've got TONS on my compy that I'm more than happy to share.

I like talking comics process . I learned a LOT while working on 9T. It's kinda my first comic.

It is my first serious go at arting a comic

RebelVampire

i really like the composition for the panel on the right cause i find my eye auto drawn to the rainbow. which i assume is a ref to bifrost so i knew something was going down.

MathTans

Your enthusiasm is infectious. Yay for arting.

(Well, and writing and editing too!)

That whole "you knew my name thing" was well done. I picked up on it off Baltur's expression the first time she did it, but I can see how it might have been missed making for a nice callback when he hit her with the whammy.

annemagnew

@RebelVampire Definite. The Bifrost (or the current one at any rate) in our story is something of a fusion between a Boom Tube, the Thor movie's interpretation of the Bifrost, and auroras & rainbows

AndreaRosales

sketchy!

RebelVampire

i really liked the name thing cause for me i was like "wait when did he say his name maybe i missed some dialogue." but then whoops, surprise, this was an important tell

MathTans

Also friggin' impressed how a battle with the undead can have moments of levity in there. Well played. (The heavy sword, for instance.

JudgementScythe

I think, my favorite thing about this whole thing has been watching Andrea's art improve page after page.

MathTans

Cool, it's in different colours...

AndreaRosales

Those are the super rough pen and ink sketchies. I had to play with a lot of different page layouts to get it juuuust right.

DracoPlato

yeah it was good that the name was mentioned again cause i was confused if i'd missed a page

she looks like sailor saturn there XD

AndreaRosales

At one point, transformation page was gonna look like this!

MathTans

So is that by hand and scanned in?

AndreaRosales

Fun fact!

Wanda's design is actually based on Sailor Saturn!

annemagnew

@MathTans Wanda was originally going to have a sword -- Mythologically, Gungnir was a gift and not his original weapon, and one of the Viking weapons books I have mentioned swords as weapons of the nobility and spears weapons of laymen. Also, Gungnir still exists here, even if it's not currently usable. But I figured it would be better to stay "on-brand"

AndreaRosales

It was one of the first design references Anne gave me.

annemagnew

Yup. Her hair is directly lifted from Saturns

sad teenage girls with death powers

MathTans

I can see it now, right, with the glaive and everything.... clever.

AndreaRosales

I do all my layouts on paper in my sketchbook first.

I take pics on my phone, email them to myself and then I just insert them into my Manga Studio document and then I pencil and ink away.

DracoPlato

aaaaah that makes sense

AndreaRosales

Manga Studio is wonderful by the way. I really enjoy working with it.

MathTans

@annemagnew That's fair. As I say, I don't know the brand well myself, but it seemed to work for me.

DracoPlato

yeah i work in MS too, it's a great program

annemagnew

i am All About norse mythology

AndreaRosales

Sad teenage girls with death powers, but also, best friends!

MathTans

I can tell from the avatar.

AndreaRosales

I love horse mythology too.

MathTans

Pegasus?

AndreaRosales

I mean Norse mythology. Horses are cool too though.

Most def!

I didn't know that much/ anything about Norse mythos until this project.

DracoPlato

should've done Loki if you love horses, huhuhuhuhu

MathTans

That would be low key.

AndreaRosales

Neigh!

You're such a good neiiiigghbor for those puns.

I love it.

I love puns. Keep em' comin'!

MathTans

Hah. I'm mostly math puns, but I branch out. Not relevant to 9T though.

I like the idea of them going all over the world, wow! Have you travelled much? (The creators.)

JudgementScythe

I've lived in Oregon and Muskoka Ontario and spent a lot of time in Guanajuato Mexico and Costa Rica as well

You want to know about middle of nowhere Canada. I'm your guy

AndreaRosales

Woo! Concept art time! This was one of my first takes of Wanda in her magical girl form. We didn't go with this one since it wasn't Norse looking enough. So it was back to the drawing board for me!

MathTans

Heh, I'm a Canadian, so I'm good. As Indonesia, I have no idea if the city's right or not, but you seem the types to research such things.

DracoPlato

oh i really like that design

AndreaRosales

I have travelled a fair bit! Been to Italy, England, Mexico ( got lots of family there, I'm Mexican, btw, Canada, Japan, etc.)

annemagnew

I travelled a lot more when I was younger (and didn't have to pay for it, sobs). The idea of globe-hopping team actually sprung out of watching Sailor Moon as a kid. If they mentioned in the English dub why they had to stay in Crossroads (ie because they looked for the Silver Crystal everywhere else), I missed it, and wondered why the Negaverse didn't just go somewhere else. And then I thought if they did, then Sailor Moon would have to follow them! And she'd meet Sailor Scouts in cool places like China and Russia and [other countries?? in my memory those were the only other countries??]

AndreaRosales

I would looooove to travel more though.

I also wished for a more diverse sailor moon!

So when Anne approached me to work on this comic I was immediately like " YES!"

Initially with some hesitation though b/c I wasn't confident in my ability to consistently webcomic well at the time.

JudgementScythe

A lot of the indonesia scenes were taken from reference photos. As well as the fact that Anne and I have been part of the SUikoden fandom forever which has a huge indonesian contingent who I've run things past to see if we've gotten the score right

MathTans

Thumbs up for Sailor Moon, my gateway anime.

AndreaRosales

It's so, so good.

DracoPlato

yis

annemagnew

literally the thing i care about most

MathTans

I don't think anyone's confident to start out with. Or if they are, they probably need humility or whatever.

AndreaRosales

Wanda's magical girl design take 1 was based on Chris Lightfellow from Suikoden 3! I've never played a Suikoden game!

MathTans

Oh, huzzah for fandoms then.

annemagnew

look at that female videogame character with ACTUAL ARMOR

AndreaRosales

I love her design. That armor * kisses fingers*

JudgementScythe

We're going to fix that

AndreaRosales

20 CHEF KISSES FOREVER

Here's an old Wanda! I was inspired by FF games at the time so there ya go!

annemagnew

I still want to bring that pelt cloak back somehow!

AndreaRosales

another early wanda

RebelVampire

i really like the pelt cloak in that design

DracoPlato

same

AndreaRosales

Wanda's def. gonna bring pelts back in style!

MathTans

How long did you concept the comic before starting, if you don't mind the question?

Wanda's gonna pelt people?

annemagnew

@MathTans I came up with it during an internship I had in college, 2012 or 2013

I wanted to do a magical girl comic since forever, and I love Norse Mythology, so combined them. I had two ideas for the premise - the team either were reincarnated gods, a la Sailor Moon, or were just given the gifts of gods, a la Wedding Peach

MathTans

(I vaugely recall some of the bg from reading the between-volume-asides, but not well, and others reading the chat later might want to know.)

AndreaRosales

I was approached for the project in early 2014 if I recall correctly. I think Anne and Chris talked to some other artist friends of ours before they came to me.

We worked on designs and layouts for a good while.

Look at this sassy Sari. I love her attitude.

JudgementScythe

And the two of us talked about doing it for a bit but fell off until I felt the editing bug come back after time away from the industry. Then I was just like no we gotta really do this because you should be writing comics and I really am feeling making them again.

annemagnew

If I had gone with scenario B, the story would have taken place before Ragnarok, and Tyr would have been in the Baldur mentor role

AndreaRosales

OOOH BALDUR!

MathTans

Is Sari also a reincarnation, or is she just related to someone who is?

AndreaRosales

OUR FAVE TRASH BOI

I gotta throw up concept art of him

Original Baldur circa 2014!

He's vintage

annemagnew

It might have been better for the girls if Tyr was their mentor. He’s got far fewer issues about his dad than Baldur!

AndreaRosales

Baldur circa 2016!

annemagnew

Fun fact: Baldur’s entire outfit is lifted from the Balmain men’s catalogue, ca. 2014, when I wrote the first draft of chapter one.

MathTans

Tossing out the mention of Baldur's wife was clever. Helped to hint at his age and stop the shipping before it might've gotten rolling.

anne: that's awesome trivia.

RebelVampire

lol math you think thatll stop the shipping

annemagnew

please dont ship baldur with his dad/wanda with her son (also wanda's gay)

AndreaRosales

Fun fact! Rumiko Takahashi was a HUGE influence on the way that I ink Wanda's hair! I love her work!!

DracoPlato

rumiko is awesome~

annemagnew

i mean, like, do whatever you want, but also, Please Don't™

MathTans

RebelV: Eh, maybe not - I mostly ship yuri anyway though.

DracoPlato

loooooool

AndreaRosales

Look at these two dooooorks

MathTans

Was that an image of Shampoo?

DracoPlato

yis

AndreaRosales

Rumiko is the best!!

annemagnew

shampoo is the best ranma girl

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. This comic is directly influenced by Norse mythology, with the plot being about reincarnated Norse gods (Wanda being an incarnation of Odin). Was there any allusion that particularly struck you? Or, if you’re not familiar with Norse mythology, is there anything you wish you had a better grasp of to understand the story? Lastly, what do you think happened in the past that caused so many of the gods to be reborn?

AndreaRosales

Fun fact! Sometimes I get sections of my sketches done well in my sketchbook. Those sketches aren't always right next to each other, so I just stitch them together in Photoshop to make the final page layout.

Sometimes I get lucky and manage to sketch it all out right on the first take.

MathTans

A Norse is a Norse, of course, of course... honestly, I don't really feel like my lack of myth knowledge (outside of Marvel cinema and Dirk Gently) is a hinderance to enjoyment, and I don't really feel impelled to look into it. Though I do feel like reading the comic heightened my awareness.

As to what happened in the past... Odin wanted to see how the other half lived, and others were on board with that? Dunno.

AndreaRosales

@MathTans , you are great with puns!

DracoPlato

For me I felt a disconnect between Wanda and Odin and would have liked it more if she seemed more similar to Odin in a way that made me go, oh yeah, she totally was him

MathTans

Aw, thank you. ^^

RebelVampire

man math you are missing out on so many allusions :"D

MathTans

I don't doubt it.

AndreaRosales

I didn't know much 'bout Norse mythos as I mentioned earlier, so Anne let me borrow the Prose Edda and I read it in a week. Riveting stuff.

MathTans

Andrea - the stitching's neat, I hadn't even really thought about that aspect.

AndreaRosales

Thanks!

MathTans

Draco: Like more of a fatherly figure, or which? Just curious, not knowing the mythos as well.

DracoPlato

Yeah, or even more of just a connection to anything norse at all

RebelVampire

i cant pick an allusion i like most because i like them all. i fangirled a lot and had to stop myself to remain focused

annemagnew

We actually have the reason why on our About The Comic page, ahaha. TL;DR: Odin didn't feel like being dead forever, roped his favorites (and not so favorites) into reincarnating. It was a bad move, cosmically speaking. Thanks, Odin! What a great guy!!!!!

AndreaRosales

Other times I get ultra mega lucky and all the pencil roughs next to each other work out just fine! Anyway, back to mythos chat!

DracoPlato

for me Wanda read very much as a typical protag, and the norse stuff was just sort of pasted on but not really part of her

RebelVampire

@AndreaRosales whatever works. sometimes just gotta work with what you got the stitching is definitely creative

AndreaRosales

Odin wanted to keep cracking out cool ones with the gang.

RebelVampire

odin please maybe the others just wanted to vacation

JudgementScythe

lol

AndreaRosales

@RebelVampire Thank you! I like to see how I can piece things together. Working on comic layouts is a lot like piecing together a puzzle.

MathTans

The gypsy take (uh, should I even use that word?) is interesting, I felt like it tied into the "travelling to other lands" aspect. But maybe that takes away a bit from Norse origins? I don't know.

annemagnew

Odin: We could be dead forever. Or, hear me out.... we could not

Please don't use that world, but thank you for asking

She is Romani, though.

AndreaRosales

Odin had some free pizza coupons he needed to use! Also, "Gypsy" isn't the word to use. Wanda is Romani!

MathTans

Wanda does seem more reticent than a "typical protag", but maybe that's just me in terms of what I read.

Romani, thank you. (Derp.)

AndreaRosales

All good!

MathTans

I knew there was a term out there. >.< Cleverly set up with the nasty girls using 'gyp', by the way.

annemagnew

Also, @DracoPlato -- I totally get you. Connecting Wanda to Odin was something I've worked with. Without getting into too many details/future reveals: her mother (and father, before he died) didn't raise a terrible person, but that took work. There's something in Wanda's core character that connects her more to Odin as well, and re-discovering that is a part of her arc.

DracoPlato

ah, that's good if it can circle back around to it at least

MathTans

Odin bought a time share but it's only good every other century.

AndreaRosales

First ever drawing of the "God Squad"! Our first 3 gals of the series. Got my ladies in formation! Circa 2015.

MathTans

WHOA. Two weaponing with one of them being that axe? Daaaamn.

Nice shadows.

JudgementScythe

yeah I'm really excited to get to Aish. She's going to be the tank of the party and is SO GOOD

annemagnew

Freyja on the left and and Ullr on the right. Ullr I chose because I thought it would be fun, but actually, writing a character connected to a god whose mythological presence has been mostly erased is Hard

MathTans

Tank you very much.

annemagnew

@JudgementScythe i love tank sailor venus

MathTans

Now I want to see her with a love-me chain.

AndreaRosales

Our precious badass daughter WADNA!

Aish's design is awesome. She's got a sword like Ivy from Soul Calibur. I love drawing that.

annemagnew

@MathTans she has an evolving weapon. @AndreaRosales , do you have the bookmark for her? She's got a link sword there.

Yup, there it is

AndreaRosales

Just posted it, Anne!

@annemagnew I think you mean " WHOOMP THERE IT IS"

MathTans

So here's a question that you don't have to answer, but... are all the gods reincarnated at about the same age? Or is there some kind of hierarchy thing?

annemagnew

also true

MathTans

That is indeed a link sword. Shades of Signum from Nanoha.

AndreaRosales

I can't wait to draw ULLR just doing a crazy cool ski-by on some draugar.

annemagnew

They're all in the same age group, at the most three years apart. I think Freyja's older than most of them. Wanda and Ullr are the same age.

MathTans

nods And I'm guessing Baltur's wife is a reference I don't get.

RebelVampire

ah thats probably good. dont need to have any old folks cramping their style.

annemagnew

@MathTans Nanna is Baldur's wife. She and their son Forseti are ruling Asgard in his absence.

AndreaRosales

We did a promotional mini comic sample thingy back when we debuted at Rose City Comic Con in 2015. You can see a bit more here of how weapons look, etc.

annemagnew

fun fact: forseti actually looks older than his dad does

DracoPlato

oh that's really cool~!

AndreaRosales

@annemagnew It's not the years, it's the mileage!

MathTans

Wow, you did a debut at a Con? Neat.

RebelVampire

ah that page makes me look forward to future action scenes

AndreaRosales

Well, the first time we were about to launch, we took a mini comic

DracoPlato

nice!

MathTans

I guess having a dad like Baldur ages you faster on the outside.

Also I cannot spell.

annemagnew

I see Baldur as a pretty good father, actually. Much better than Odin was.

AndreaRosales

Here's a rough pencil of the next page of that mini comic we did. I was super giddy that I got to do some super cool action stuff.

MathTans

He does seem like he's doing his best, that's for sure.

annemagnew

Of the Odinssons, Baldur and Tyr turned out the most normal and well-adjusted. Unfortunately, Baldur has tons of issues about his dad that Tyr never did.

MathTans

Oh, wait... those two people communicating through the tree, were they his wife and son?

AndreaRosales

Guys, Baldur is trying so hard man! Dad jokes are hard to do!

annemagnew

No, those were the Norns. Two of them, Verdandi and Urd.

DracoPlato

gorgeous action panels~!

MathTans

<-- is a neophyte, or something.

AndreaRosales

@DracoPlato Thank you!!

RebelVampire

i just wanna say i really like Baldur as a character. i especially like that scene where theyre in the restaurant and wanda hides. and then baldur comes in and is like "i know youre there." i totally expected him to just walk on by, but nope. he was a smart boy.

DracoPlato

I'm enjoying Baldur as well

JudgementScythe

He's dumb. but he's not dumb dumb.

MathTans

I liked when Wanda's mom was all "where do you know her from?" and Baldur's like "....School?"

DracoPlato

haha i liked that too

JudgementScythe

WAIT WADNA I JUST TOLD YOU YOU WERE MY REINCARNATED DAD WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FUNNY WHAT IT'S NOT CREEPY OR WEIRD AT ALL

DracoPlato

she should have embraced fatherhood

MathTans

"Go to your room."

RebelVampire

yeah i do have to wonder how baldur thought thatd go at all well XD like you dont just tell some teen theyre your dad.

annemagnew

he wants his dad to pay attention to him and tell him he's doing a good job (he is doing a good job right???? TELL HIM HE'S GOOD)

DracoPlato

poor baby

just wants some love

MathTans

Baldur needs head pats.

annemagnew

a decent amount of my favorite male characters remind me of this scene from IASIP https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBfnOtiJOWw

RebelVampire

wanda just needs to tell baldur shes going to the store to buy milk. then not come back. problem solved.

DracoPlato

oooh i really like the blue there

RebelVampire

ah im glad to see huginn and muninn in there too >v>

DracoPlato

yis

AndreaRosales

A Baldur from the character cards we give out at conventions!

MathTans

I wonder if Baldur has the stones for his task. Like, assuming all nine gods have stones.

AndreaRosales

Whoops, lol sorry for the double post

my computer is slow.

All the artwork on a 7 year old machine... ooooof

MathTans

Eh, my phone's older than that.

RebelVampire

(sppt math maybe get a new phone)

DracoPlato

is it a flip phone

MathTans

It has one of those little retractable antennas. Anyway. No prob if old computer.

DracoPlato

oooomg it has an antenna XD that is old

MathTans

I iz old. >.<

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At home, Wanda faces a lot of pressure from her mother to excel in her studies and pull herself out of their living situation. What do you think of this situation? Does the fact that they’re hinted to be discriminated against because they’re Romani affect your opinion? Do you think Wanda and her mother will be able to see eye to eye?

DracoPlato

wanda kicking ass

i had one too math, it's okay

I just don't use it now

MathTans

It's fair. As a teacher I'm not allowed to use a cell phone anyway, so haven't upgraded. (Btw, as a teacher, I also wanted to slap Wanda's teacher, but at the same time I could see where she was coming from.)

AndreaRosales

This has to be one of my absolutely FAVORITE goof images I've done while drawing this comic. I do a lot of em'. The relationship between Baldur and Wanda is one that I enjoy depicting a lot. I can't wait for all the fun shenanagins I'll get to draw them in later in the comic!

MathTans

"Baldur. I am your father."

DracoPlato

oh that's fair

and loooool

AndreaRosales

Oooh I like this question. They've all been super good so far!

DracoPlato

with the teacher, she should have known if the other girl's grades had drastically improved when wanda transferred there tho, perhaps

annemagnew

Wanda's time at school - and the teacher's dig at her - is a direct reference to how Romani students are discriminated against in Czech schooling.

MathTans

As to the living situation away from school, it felt genuine. (Painful, but genuine.) I'm not sure about the eye-to-eye thing, but they may both need some space for now.

AndreaRosales

Romani aren't treated well/respected in "mainstream" European society.

annemagnew

>> Roma children in the Czech Republic were segregated into “special schools” with poor curricula, lower teaching standards, and very few resources. “Testing” these children was a culturally biased process that resulted in the majority of them being pushed into the special education system. The system also segregated children with additional learning needs, unlike the inclusive education systems in the UK, Sweden, or other countries (https://www.opensocietyfoundations.org/voices/czech-republic-segregation-roma-children-continues)

MathTans

Draco - True, guess I felt like it was still start of the semester or something. Pretty sure her opinion was coloured by racism too, is the thing, so she didn't look for other explanations.

DracoPlato

yeah that could be

MathTans

Anne: That's kind of sad, but nice that it's authentic.

RebelVampire

yeah i really applaud the research into it

DracoPlato

my only issue with the bullying is I've read a ton of comics that start that way with the protag recently so I was a bit tired of the trope, so i have a bias there

MathTans

Friggin' "testing" mumble wumble argle wargle fargle.

I'm fine.

(I don't even teach in the US.)

AndreaRosales

I find myself being easily able to relate to Wanda.. my parents are Mexican and there was always that push growing up to be academically successful. That Romani are given such poor schooling is setting them up for failure and it's such a sad thing. It's something that's happened in a lot of places in the world. It's heartbreaking that Wanda is clearly very intelligent, but her brilliance can't be fully appreciated in such a biased school system.

JudgementScythe

the US testing system is so bad. I remember when they first really instituted it and it's like...take this multiple choice test to decide how much funding your school gets

AndreaRosales

That's so awful.

JudgementScythe

NO GIMME ESSAY QUESTIONS CAUSE THAT"S ALL I'M GOOD AT

MathTans

Somehow I made this talk about my job. Back to home life.

DracoPlato

teaching always relevant

MathTans

But it reminds me I have papers to mark.

I'm like Baldur. I want to do a good job.

Haha, steered it back.

AndreaRosales

You're doing a great job!

RebelVampire

i can understand both sides to the situation of their home life. cause i can understand why wanda's mom would want her to break the mold. but i side a bit more with wanda in that i think theres just way too much pressure

DracoPlato

oh cool inking~!

RebelVampire

as for seeing eye to eye, i could see them not being able to get over the odin thing.

AndreaRosales

Thanks! I really wanted to go for a high contrasty dramatic lighting thingy. Haha, I'm no good with words.. it's why I draw.

MathTans

I wonder how much Wanda's mom knows about the mythology thing. (Maybe the undead will make her read up.)

JudgementScythe

But yes... The home life was a really interesting thing to figure out. Wanda's home life, the pressure. The build. I want my life but because of my blood, I need to work 10x harder than anyone else for the same things and even then people will say I'm cheating for what I get

MathTans

Andrea - You do puns, that's good words.

annemagnew

(The bullying and constant pressure are part of why she's less like Odin than she used to be.)

AndreaRosales

I have a feeling we might get some insight into Wanda's childhood at some point... @annemagnew ?

MathTans

I would imagine Odin didn't get bullied much.

annemagnew

Wanda's mother wants her to break the mold, but in the mold she wants.

MathTans

Oooh, smol Wanda.

AndreaRosales

Hehe.. seeing eye to eye... Odin... good one, @RebelVampire !

annemagnew

@AndreaRosales no spoilers

MathTans

We saw a bit of that already, with the stargazing scene.

AndreaRosales

Gosh @annemagnew I just wanna share all the concept art and it's driving me crazy!

Uguuuu

MathTans

patpats

AndreaRosales

babbu Wanda is the most precious thing I've ever been fortunate to draw.

@annemagnew THANK YOU for writing babbu Wanda!

annemagnew

Yeah, part of the fun with her was, as I built the character, realizing her life circumstances are the exact opposite of her past life's. There's a core to her that's still Odin, but her circumstances and her context are so different.

AndreaRosales

A really great contrast of nature v. nurture!

MathTans

A bit of the nature versus .... Andrea wins.

annemagnew

That's true for a lot of them, actually. There are reincarnations who have contexts very similar to their previous lives', and others who have better (or worse) ones.

MathTans

It's nice that there's a mix that way.

Is it one volume per reincarnation for a total of nine? Or is that too far in the future to know?

AndreaRosales

Another goof!

annemagnew

Honestly the way I see this story going, it's going to run F O R E V E R

AndreaRosales

GOOD

I'm glad, @annemagnew because I seriously want to draw this forever.

MathTans

Hmmm.... and yet time passes in the real world. Like Indonesia might look different in ten years. Parallel Earth to the rescue maybe.

AndreaRosales

Here's a fun take on the toppling over due to sword weight page. Wanda's face in that last panel...

RebelVampire

poor wanda really needs to start working out. work on those sword wielding muscles

annemagnew

The way I see it right now - which I reserve the right to change! - the story starts in The Fall of whenever you started to read it, and ends in the following year's spring

@RebelVampire she gets a strength buff whenever she transforms

RebelVampire

lucky :"D

MathTans

So there might be a Christmas Episode.

annemagnew

Nanna thinks everything he wears is good. Which, you know. She's not wrong in this case, but that outfit is just... A Lot

RebelVampire

i really liked the art on the draugr. like when i saw them i definitely knew what they were and there's just something really appealing about them. in a theyre draugr kind of way.

DracoPlato

love the tails behind her~!

AndreaRosales

@annemagnew I'll have you know I'm animating the Christmas special.

annemagnew

Fun fact! Baldur's topwear is three layers: Leather jacket, blue sweater, full plate armor. (You get killed by mistletoe once...)

MathTans

"Zombies" "Draugr. And no."

AndreaRosales

OH NOESSSS!!!!

AndreaRosales

@annemagnew I don't think Baldur is quite fond of Christmas decor...

DracoPlato

Looooooool

RebelVampire

this is how wanda will escape him. trap him in a room of mistletoe then make a run for it

MathTans

Oooh, good point.

annemagnew

i'm not saying mistletoe is banned in new asgard, but i am saying it's considered in poor taste these days

AndreaRosales

Mistletoe is totally banned.

MathTans

I would imagine it tastes bad, yes.

annemagnew

baldur: you can hang it. it's fine. it's a traditional decoration gersemi: but you don't want us to hang it baldur: i didn't say that

MathTans

It's all in the cringe.

AndreaRosales

Fun fact! Anne had me reference Al Ewing's Mighty Avengers for the way that the Draugar lunge out. There's a fantastic panel of Ayala doing that in that comic.

RebelVampire

now im just picturing baldur glaring through a window, watching them to say with his eyes you better not actually hang that

AndreaRosales

Gods, I just love the image of Baldur death glaring the mistletoe away.

annemagnew

it's coming off as passive-aggressive, but he was trying to be polite and accommodating (and okay maybe a little passive-aggressive)

AndreaRosales

Mistletoe? More like mistle-don't!

MathTans

Miss-letoe.

annemagnew

baldur: i'm the god-king of the universe, not a tyrant

(some elf or whatever: can we establish a democracy then baldur: how did you get in my castle)

AndreaRosales

Fun fact! All 3 of us creators are in the most recent page of 9T! We're all in the dance club together!

MathTans

The two ravens, there's no connection to Sailor Mars, is there?

DracoPlato

awwww that's awesome

RebelVampire

ah thats cute. the more i look at that bg the more i can see how much fun stuff went into it

MathTans

Andrea: That's, like, the best easter egg. I was too focussed on He-man.

AndreaRosales

Teamwork makes the dream work!

Backgrounds can be super fun!

annemagnew

@MathTans the two ravens are Huginn and Munnin, Odin's ravens from the mythology

AndreaRosales

This isn't the first time Anne's been in the comic!

annemagnew

They're patterned here off of Pied Ravens, which were native to the Faroe Islands before they went extinct. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pied_raven

MathTans

@annemagnew Ok, cool, I suspected a mythology link was dominent but suddenly thought I'd check.

annemagnew

#DeadStuff

Fun Fact! Everything and everyone important in this story has been dead, is dead, or will be dead at some point

AndreaRosales

That's Anne in the front seat in front of Wanda on the bus!

@annemagnew true! my hand is dead from drawing so much!

MathTans

Wanda: "What are you writing?" Anne: "Uhhhh...."

AndreaRosales

it's also undead and keeps returning to life

MathTans

Also, that panel had the "she knows me" look that I caught and liked.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Towards the end of the first chapter, Wanda and Baldur find themselves attacked by Draugr. It later becomes apparent that these Draugr are being controlled. Who do you think is controlling the Draugr to attack Wanda? What are their end goals and do they have anything to do with the current peril the world is supposedly in?

AndreaRosales

Wanda skips cardio day.. yet she runs a lot?

MathTans

Oh yeah, crystal ball person who's likely Norse that I don't know.

The goal is presumably not to perfect reviving the undead in order to restore a family back to life.

AndreaRosales

Fun fact! That's Chris and I getting dinner at the restaurant where Wanda and Sari are!

JudgementScythe

That's definitely a thing that we get into over the next chapters. Chapter 3 is currently pretty big. Anne and I are reworking parts of the script to really fine tune it but yeah. The end of chapter 2 and chapter 3 definitely hit on that front

MathTans

But yeah, here's the thing... if he's (gender guessing there) testing Wanda, is it possible that he'd end up killing her in the process? Would that just mean Odin revives again at some later date? Is it even possible that this did happen before, person was tested and failed and Wanda's the latest in a long line of reincarnations?

(I'm just spitballing here, no need to feel you have to answer.)

RebelVampire

@JudgementScythe looking forward to it being addressed soon then.

MathTans

And if it's not a matter of testing, what's the grudge?

RebelVampire

i feel like if there were a long line of reincarnations, thatd be sad. so many ppl whose worlds were rocked cause baldur hunted them down O_O

MathTans

(Maybe it's back to the mistletoe thing.)

Yeah, though maybe Baldur didn't find the others in time or something.

AndreaRosales

Fun fact! This page's color scheme was heavily inspired by the cinematography in John Wick.

MathTans

Oh, speaking of colours, is there a particular reason why some pages get coloured? Or simply a time thing?

JudgementScythe

We wanted to set apart magic from the real world. When the magic is on...sort of Wizard of Ozzy

annemagnew

It was born out of timing, but think of the color as akin to an FMV in an old video game as well.

AndreaRosales

Wizard of Ozzy sans the eating of Huginn and Muginn

MathTans

snaps fingers Gotcha. Interesting.

FMV?

annemagnew

Whe we meet a new character, something very important happens, or it's magic time, we switch to color.

Full Motion Video

AndreaRosales

Yep!

MathTans

Ahhhh. (Stop... Magic Time! Dun deedundundundun...)

RebelVampire

oh that makes sense for the color vs. B&W thing

AndreaRosales

Hehehehe.. nice! @MathTans

RebelVampire

i really admire the city sho4

the city shot

MathTans

^.^ Indeed. Apparently there's a lot going on in backgrounds too.

RebelVampire

my cat decided to jump on the keyboard in that moment

annemagnew

I love your cat

JudgementScythe

It's one of the things I love. Too many artists ignore the background

Like I can't name the amount of comics I've read or been pitched that had no detail. Comics need detail

annemagnew

Andrea never skimps on the details :)

AndreaRosales

Thanks! Detail drives me crazy, but once I start getting into it, I REALLY get into it.

JudgementScythe

And there are a lot of people who ignore that element

AndreaRosales

OH MY GOOOOOOOD DO I TRY

I TRYYY ALL THE TIME

MathTans

One thing I've noticed a couple times, placement of words balloons doesn't quite flow... like, I'll read one, and then the next one I read I'll realize for context should have come first. It doesn't happen that often, and it might just be me not deciphering heights properly, but thought I'd mention it on the side.

AndreaRosales

Here's an early concept painty of Wanda! March 2015!

MathTans

In your institution?

AndreaRosales

@MathTans Yes, in my institution

I'm so happy I got to throw He-man Hey YAYAYAYA in there

Originally, Anne and I had talked about having Wanda and Sari go to karaoke.

and I wanted Wanda to sing that

MathTans

Heh. I used that meme myself once, kinda. I can't do backgrounds though, I can barely draw characters. So, mad props.

AndreaRosales

Like the joke would be that that was the big Euro-pop jam

DracoPlato

Ah yeah Math I had that same issue

with the speech bubbles

a lot of times i felt like i'd missed a page or I was somehow reading it wrong, the dialogue was often really confusing

MathTans

It happened more in the early pages, I feel.

Celes, the Sun of the Universe

@AndreaRosales that looks amazing!! (both the painting and the comic)

DracoPlato

yeah definitely more earlier on

JudgementScythe

speech bubbles are hard. You can see it took a while to get used to. It's one of the reasons it drives me crazy that letterers are so underpaid

AndreaRosales

Sketchbooks on my desk at my old apt./studio space!

JudgementScythe

same with colorists

MathTans

Fair.

AndreaRosales

Ahhh!! Thank you, @Celes, the Sun of the Universe !! I'm barely figuring out digital painting!

I've never taken a painting class in my life!

I'm wingin' it.

DracoPlato

ah I guess, generally it's good just to find the line of eye movement with them when reading

AndreaRosales

I studied graphic design and minored in animation in college.

Graphic design is my passion.

(actually no, comics arting is)

DracoPlato

like you should have the bubble you want read first higher than the next one

AndreaRosales

Lettering is HARD.

MathTans

Yeah. Though sometimes it was higher and yet my brain still tracked right to left.

JudgementScythe

like colors and lettering are incredibly difficult. And yet industry standards are like under $30 a page for colors on an indy book.

AndreaRosales

@JudgementScythe was really on my case about it at first.

DracoPlato

yeah same

AndreaRosales

He helped me get so much better at it

Coloring is super hard too.

MathTans

It's all about improving.

AndreaRosales

I've got MAD respect for colorists too.

I thumbnail, pencil, ink, shade, color, letter and do all graphic design/social media art for Nine Twilights.

JudgementScythe

and that's one of the things I love about the book. Look at page 1 and the latest. You can tell it's the same artist, but it's so good to see the growth she's gone through since the start

AndreaRosales

It can be a lot. Luckily, @annemagnew and @JudgementScythe are super great to work with. They're always looking for ways for making things easier for me.

MathTans

Much like the protagonist? ^.-

AndreaRosales

Oooh

I'll post page 1 and the most recent page!

Celes, the Sun of the Universe

@AndreaRosales you're welcome <3

MathTans

The website, also, good job on that. It even sparkles over the links. O.o

Sometimes it's the little things.

JudgementScythe

Yeah there are some things I really want to do with it to make it a little easier to update. But I'm happy with how it came out.

DracoPlato

oh with the website I had a lot of difficulty reading on there. Your Archive isn't up to date, and the clicking the image to go to the next page stopped working around where the archive left off, and your next arrow is at the top of the page and not the bottom, which makes me have to scroll back up to go to the next page which is super annoying

and it'd be super helpful if clicking the arrow keys would go to the next page and previous

i think i have a code for it if you want

JudgementScythe

Those are exactly the updates I want to make

DracoPlato

yeah I think it super needs it cause it was almost unreadable

AndreaRosales

Hey thanks @DracoPlato ! That's our next big project. Making the site easier to navigate.

JudgementScythe

well. It's also set up to click on the page takes you to the next page. But yeah currently there are nice things but boy howdy do I want to fix a lot of that stuff

RebelVampire

@AndreaRosales yeah comparing the pages you can definitely see so much growth in the art, and that's just super great~!

DracoPlato

yeah we were clicking the pages but that stopped working after awhile

MathTans

Really? Huh. I guess I only clicked on 'Next', so I didn't see a problem.

Though the scrolling back up for the next is something that could be amended.

JudgementScythe

oh I'll have to go back through and make sure all that is fixed up this weekend.

DracoPlato

yeah would love a next arrow button on the bottom of the page or the side

http://www.smackjeeves.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=15038

Oh i think this is it for the keyboard arrows

AndreaRosales

Oh gosh... thank you so much @RebelVampire ! I'm melting! I really push myself a LOT to get better and better with each page. Do let me know if there's things that I can work on that improve the readability of action, backgrounds, etc.

AndreaRosales

Behind the scenes look! I ink my pages on my cintiq whilst jamming to Star Wars OST, or some other random video game OST...

MathTans

The amount of extra detail in those pages is crazy. Like night and day. Which... is almost a pun? Meh.

AndreaRosales

Awww.. I'm so proud! @MathTans

RebelVampire

@AndreaRosales i think math and draco both pointed out the most major issue already with the speech bubble flow. otherwise i think youre on the right track.

MathTans

Also, kudos/props for consistency in that first year and everything. That can be tricky.

Like, in terms of updates.

DracoPlato

yis~!

AndreaRosales

We have these super cute buttons of Baldur, pouty Wanda, Sari and Zora we sell at conventions! They're my fave.

MathTans

Those are cool.

AndreaRosales

Thanks so much for the advice, @RebelVampire !! That is so super helpful!

I was super worried about posting consistency

it's probably one of the biggest reasons why I was reluctant at first to join the team. I didn't feel confident that I could keep up.

MathTans

It'll be neat to see where things go!

AndreaRosales

I'm super glad that I was able to make it work, even when I got super sick this past winter/spring.

JudgementScythe

Yeah we didn't miss an update. Then illness and other things ate our backlog which is why we've switched to wednesdays and are taking a little time off to keep things from completely overwhelming her

AndreaRosales

I had to get surgery this past April. It was no bueno. I'm much better now though.

MathTans

It's all good. Make sure to stay healthy. Whoa, surgery even. O.o

All the best going forwards.

RebelVampire

glad to hear youre doing better~!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to Andrea Rosales, Anne Mortensen-Agnew, and Chris Hansbrough, as well, for volunteering Nine Twilights for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support the team’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at RebelVampire@startfaire.com.

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on The Changeling’s Sister by yondoloki. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (September 21st) from 5PM to 7PM PDT~! Until then~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/The-Changelings-Sister