#mostly just pisses me off when it's clearly trauma related

[pluralia-tantum]

Endos proudly proclaiming to have stolen "sysmed" posts are so annoying. You're stealing posts that were written to capture the experience of living with a complex trauma disorder to use as some immature jab. Fucking gross. Make your own posts, don't steal from people talking about how their trauma disorder affects their life or writing something to relate to other trauma survivors. Grow up.

[staggersz]

Any Griffin and Vance Headcanons? 🥺

you just opened a floodgate hang on let me go into my message history

Okay first off the bat!

Vance and Griffin are half brothers. They have the same mom, but different dads, one is physically absent while the other is just really awful towards Vance.

Vance has a bit of a scottish accent when he’s a bit angry, he got it from his dad (no i will not elaborate) He mostly looks like Bonnie, but there are some traits he got from his dad

Griffin had a bit of an italian accent since Bonnie moved from Italy to Colorado when she was much much younger. Griffin is american born but he’s clearly italian. He is like an almost exact carbon copy of Bonnie. He looks a lot like her and he looks pretty much nothing like his dad at all.

Sometimes Vance and Bonnie argue about the past (cough) Vance’s early childhood (cough) and when that happens Griffin just sits on the stairs and cries because he doesn’t want his mom and brother hating each other. They don’t hate each other but sometimes Vance feels the need to start an argument.

Griffin can barely remember any of his own trauma and he can’t remember what happened in the basement or anything related to it while Vance remembers everything down to the last detail.

When Vance learned Griffin couldn’t speak anymore he didn’t wanna admit it but he knew he was gonna miss Griffin’s voice. Griffin used to be a huge chatterbox and it used to annoy Vance but Vance misses it now.

Whenever Vance plays pinball, Griffin (and Billy) will stand at his side and watch him play and slide over quarters when he loses and Vance gets used to it :)

While Vance is extremely mature and he ends up acting like an adult in result of his trauma, Griffin is the opposite. Griffin’s brain puts him into involuntary age regression but because Griffin had forgotten so much about his trauma he kind of lost his perception of time in the past also. Griffin doesn’t comprehend that he isn’t acting his age.

They don’t believe in Santa Clause. Bonnie raised them where she told them off the bat Santa wasn’t a thing but since they were so little they literally dgaf. She tells them not to tell other kids. Griffin doesn’t tell, but while Vance was younger he said it if he was pissed off at some kid who was provoking him.

Whenever Griffin has to get a much needed haircut, Vance helps him calm down when Griffin panics and hugs him to comfort him.

Whenever Griffin is sad Vance makes him peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches because it’s Griffin’s favorite food! :)

thats all i can think of rn :3

[afurtivecake]

i'd like to hear some positive opinions, something you find impressive about the books or the characters or even exy idk

oh i have so many generally positive opinions on aftg...strap yourselves in.

the thing that blew my mind about the books especially the first time is how it really put me inside neil's head. like i felt like i was learning shit along with neil and figuring andrew out. i've got adhd and sometimes i don't pay attention to stuff i read so well because my brain is too busy spotting the patterns and predicting the direction the author is going to take the story. but aftg? it snapped me right into neil's thinking and made me follow along at his pace. it made me really feel those 'holy shit' moments when characters were doing something significant instead of just thinking, 'ah yes, of course, i thought that might happen'. and that's something special to me.

i love that aftg reads like an ace romance. and i don't mean a romance that features an ace character, i mean a romance that sees romance the way that someone who is ace might see romance. i am ace and i can't really explain it that well. but i guess it's sort of how love is contained in the small moments, the tiny gestures, like andrew opening neil's protein bar for him because he sees him struggling with it, like neil looking to andrew to silently ask him, 'hey, can i run my mouth or should i not?' and andrew understanding him. one of the most memorable moments i've had in my life that i felt was romantic but probably wouldn't be interpreted as such by others was when i watched an ad with someone and thought of a dumb joke. we looked at each other at the same time and we both burst out laughing without saying anything because we could tell that we both had arrived at that same dumb joke at the same time. I think that's very much how nora sakavic writes romance in general because you can also see bits of that kind of feel in tsc, even though jean and jeremy aren't clearly ace like neil.

i also love how relatable the characters are. the whole series is a damn good look at various trauma responses. it feels familiar to me and it reminds me of people i know. i love that the narrative doesn't judge the characters for how they deal with their trauma responses. the narrative doesn't try to push the characters to heal in professionally proscribed ways and i find that really reassuring. cuz i've been there before. i've been at a place where i wasn't letting myself want anything because i just couldn't picture a future where i could have it, i've been down that irrational, borderline paranoid trust issues hole and it would have pissed me right off if i had read a story where the message was, "it's all in your head and getting professional help would fix it". but the narrative in aftg isn't trying to fix its characters. the narrative asks, "what do you need to get through this?" and then gives it to its characters.

and lastly, i actually really like the sports narrative that is present. i think the sports narrative mostly applies to andrew. his character development is one of the only ones that actually has a lot to do with playing exy. he starts off the series as someone who is not just apathetic but disdainful of exy even though he has buckets of talent. being a goalkeeper is easy to him and it's also boring because that's all he does. that's a fairly common trope in sports. usually the arc of those kinds of characters is finding something that challenges them and finding reasons to play and to enjoy the sport. and that's exactly what andrew goes through. neil tells him at one point that he's good at being a goalkeeper because he plays it how he plays life: letting other people run themselves ragged and cleaning up afterwards. and andrew kind of takes it to heart because he starts to apply his batshit crazy methods for fixing people's problems to exy. his solution to one match that was dragging on was to tell nicky to pick a fight. and he finds that he enjoys playing that way. by the end of the series, he's having a blast being the brains behind the operation in that final ravens match where he switches neil to defense. and yes, a lot of that character development happened outside of exy (ie. andrew finally starting to let people in), but it's a progression that you can track through the matches he plays. character development that you can track through how they play a sport is what a sports narrative is, to me at least. (i came at aftg from the world of sports manga, alright? where it is ALWAYS all for the fucking game. you see the characters develop as people by playing their sport and that's what i really wanted out of my sports novels. and seeing andrew get that kind of character development isn't much, but it's pretty cool all the same)

[gallavich-headcanon]

So.... I see you and nosho's angsty guitar player au.

I raise you my own celebrity au

Frank and Monica were part of this famous 80s band with Tommy and Kermit, their kids are like Hollywood royalty. Fiona is an actress who kinda had a child star crash and burn a while back, but she's recovering and reclaiming her independence. Lip acts, Carl is like Justin Bieber everyone thinks he's hot. Debbie sings, and Liam is kinda staying out of the limelight for now.

Ian models, mostly, with a bit of acting here and there. Lip introduced him to Mickey, because Lip met him at an interview once and there's some mutual respect there.

Mickey Colin and Iggy have a band called Viches, they do punkrock and metal, but in their later years they transition into something a little more upbeat. Their most famous song is black parade (apologies Mr Gerard way I'm borrowing it I promise I'll give it back) and they sing it at the end of every show. One of their albums is titled "Burn it Down", the cover pic is mickey edited onto a burning sofa in black and white. It's angry and pissed off at the world. The album immediately after that is titled neotheater, and it's a darker look at the trauma and how it's still affectinh them

Ian and Mickey date in secret for years, Mickey officially comes out in a music video for a song on Neotheater (the song is Get Up by Shinedown, because I fucking love that song.) The coming out song is a remix of an older piano song Mickey made.

Colin plays drums, Mickey plays bass and piano, and Iggy plays electric and hits the high notes. Mickey writes their lyrics, mostly!

Mandy has a reputation for being a slut and making filthy club music, but she wants to actually be known for her singing.

Tami raps. No one believes it when they look at her, but she makes some of the sickest female rap songs and pays so much respect to those who came before her. Her and Mandy are friends, and once Lip and Mandy call off their on again off again thing Mandy is very happy for them despite what the paps think

The internet finds out about Terry after burn it down is announced but not out yet, they accuse the band and Mandy of being Nazis and shit, so they put out a cover of tomorrow belongs to me from cabaret? It's not their usual fare, but they put it out anyway, all wearing makeup that makes them look bruised and clearly pissed off. It's controversial and powerful and I love them.

Oh, and Mickey and Iggy will full on stop shows if they see fighting in their mosh pits. You don't come to a Viches show and ignore pit ettiquite.

Hey ALICIA 💗 how are you doing? Sorry it took me a while, I have be fortunate enough to have many AUs coming my way lately and I had to give this my full attention.

Frank and Monica were part of this famous 80s band with Tommy and Kermit, their kids are like Hollywood royalty. -> Oh my god what an amazing start! I never saw this coming lol

Mickey, Colin and Iggy have a band called Viches -> I am screaminggg. this is incredible. Colin plays drums, Mickey plays bass and piano, and Iggy plays electric and hits the high notes. Mickey writes their lyrics, mostly! -> I love it! Mickey has such base player vibes. Wait who is the singer? Is Mandy a part of it all? Okay, I read further now, Mandy has her own thing (I write my response as I read lol) So you're saying Mickey is the lead singer, right? I can kinds see more writing the songs / lyrics and letting someone else sing, but this is just my headcanon. I don't see him as the front man, I like him as the Nick Jonas, if you will.

Welcome To The Black Parade is such a perfect fit.

Ian and Mickey date in secret for years -> I didn't know if we were going fake relations or secret relationship, but I like it! We don't see enough of those! (Maybe because it's literally canon but still, it's an awesome trope!) Do they both want it to be in secret? Is Ian out before Mickey comes out?

I have to admit I didn't know Get Up until now. It's definitely less angsty, which makes sense since Mickey has processed a lot of his trauma and being with Ian made him write lighter songs in a way.

Tami raps. -> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Alicia your brain is incredible. I can feel the Iggy azalea vibes.

Tomorrow belongs to me... interesting choice... The composer, John Kander, was Jewish and openly gay. But the song has been adopted quite a bit by extremist organizations, racist bands, and neo-Nazi politicians . Like this song has actually been covered by white supremacist bands. So I don't know if that's the way I'd go with it. (Not to get too serious but I'm Jewish and I'd probably take it the wrong way if I saw a band doing that)

Maybe Rage Against The Machine's Take The Power Back Or All You Fascists (possible an acoustic version for a change of pace?) would work better, what do you think?

Anyways I want to hear more about Ian and Mickey's relationship before they came out! How long did they hide their relationship for? What pushed Mickey to want to come out at that timing? I love the world you built in this AU! Does Ian stick to modeling or will he gravitate towards acting or something else? Does he go on tour with Viches? I'm very excited about this AU

[dzpenumbra]

3/24/23

I just accidentally titled this "3/24/56" and had the eerie thought that... hopefully... at some point in my life I actually will date a document with that date. That's a weird goddamn thought. Best not to linger on it too long... XD

I had my first human contact in several days today. My therapist, of course. It was good. He kept sorta... correcting me on my extrapolations that the shit I was dealing with the other day skating... where I was convinced I was pissing people off and something bad would happen because of it... I was trying to kinda... connect the dots that it was trauma related. He made a big point to emphasize that it was anxiety, and really hammered into that point. He clarified a few times with me to check whether it was panic or anxiety. And... well... I guess I can call myself lucky.

I'm starting to discern the difference between anxiety and panic. Again. For the millionth time. Because apparently it's my fate to just... keep forgetting shit. So... I made a point to share with him the parallel that I found recently to remember the difference. Phobos and Deimos. Terror and Dread. There's a distinct difference, and... from my understanding... they're actually different parts of the brain that are lit up? Maybe I'm off on that, I'm clearly not an expert in that field. But yeah, I'm definitely dealing much more with Dread than Terror.

But... Terror is what's unleashed when I smoke weed. Terror can come out in nightmares. Terror came out when I watched Bo Burnham's "Inside" with some random chick I met on Bumble who put her head on me when a song was playing that sounded like it was literally talking directly to me and I had one of those Truman Show moments. Those moments, those are fucking Terror. Like my life is a big fucking lie, this is just an experiment, we've been fucking with you for 20 years, see? Look, here's the cameras! Haha! Or the fun classic that I'm guessing sourced from my extensive history watching psychological horror movies - you're actually dead and you don't know it! Like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense (sorry for the spoiler but like... come on, you have to have seen it by now).

Those are fucking panic attacks. Like... something bad is actively, imminently happening. A meteor is crashing towards Earth. You're having a heart attack and are going to die. The world is actually ending, and you're just being notified, and now you need to figure out what to do. And moments like that? Those are horrific to go through alone. Trust me.

What I'm going through are anxiety, he's been reminding me. And I was trying to push a bit deeper with it, saying this is... trauma reinforced. That's why I was saying it was kind of a PTSD thing, mostly because of the sense of... lack of safety that I felt. That was a big resonant thing that I associate with PTSD, not feeling safe when you are safe. And a cohesive theme behind that, that tracks to traumatic events. But again, I'm not the professional here. Either way, it's anxiety, and it's clearly "inspired by" past experiences. So... I'm guessing the miscommunication there was just... nomenclature.

He gave me the same kind of advice I usually get, to challenge the thoughts and seek evidence. And... I kinda automatically do that. I just... didn't really dismantle his argument because I wanted to hear what tools he was going to offer at the end of it. Finite time, you know?

He said "do you have any evidence that you were upsetting people?" Well, I had headphones in, but someone did yell at me at one point, didn't hear what they said. And when riding by people, they very obviously don't seem... pleased... They're not excited, they're not stoked, they're not curious, they're not "oh wow, what's that, it's like a skateboard but it's moving on its own... weird..." I get "annoyed" vibes from them. I don't have clear confirmation of it because... you know... I'm not in their heads... but it lingers. And I try to shrug it off, right? Because... it's like... I could be jumping to conclusions. I get what he was getting at, and again... I do that! I do challenge the thoughts! But what really set me off that day was... evidence. Evidence to prove the anxiety right. The no-skateboarding sign, with the big fine on it. Then looking up the bylaws. I can keep that "I might be pissing people off" stuff at bay, it's hard but I have the tools. What gets me... and again, this is where I really think he started to understand the challenge I was dealing with... what gets me is when that anxiety gets one fucking morsel of concrete evidence. "You are clearly pissing people off, because what you're doing is illegal." "Of course your landlords are going to be pissed at you, there's a giant hole in the wall" "Duh your retired neighbors are judging you, you're smoking weed on your porch at 1PM on a Monday afternoon when everyone else is at work."

It makes me insecure about like... snowskating at the park and making a bunch of noise on the maintenance door. It makes me go back to when I was skating on the sidewalks in that blizzard and the cop was watching me, because what I was doing was technically illegal and I could be fined for it... And after sharing this with him, I'm just like... I think he started to get it a bit. That this is actually a pretty reasonable fear. And not quite as simple as just... dismantle the anxiety and it goes away. In this case... the law had been clearly crafted to (in case of snowskating) combat people unsafely sledding on the sidewalks of steep hills, and (in the case of skateboarding) grinding the curbs, ollieing into traffic, bombing hills, shit like that. But the laws are very general and prejudiced against all forms of riding period, not just the specific types of dangerous riding they want to prohibit. It's not "no smoking within 20 feet of the establishment" it's "no smoking at any time, ever, anywhere". So... it kinda just... fucks me over when I try to use my board practically. Or when I have 15+ years experience riding my snowskate and want to practice or even film some tricks in my neighborhood.

Professional skateboarders still deal with this when they film their parts for their actual full-time fucking job. It's been over 30 fucking years of this bullshit.

Like... I went to get pizza delivery and a package from the package room today in my yoga pants and a hoodie, no shirt underneath, no socks, haven't showered all day. And I used to be super self conscious about smelling bad. And yeah, it can take a push sometimes, but today I really didn't give too much of a shit. I can dismantle that mental argument pretty quick - "who fucking cares?" "So what, someone thinks I smell, they're being judgmental, they don't know what kind of day I'm having, let them fucking judge."

But when it comes to me... albeit negligently... breaking the law? It puts me in a bit of a quandary. I guess this is where I bring out the DnD alignment sheet and explain my shift.

So DnD alignments are personality spectrums. Chaotic -> Lawful. Evil -> Good. With neutrals in between. I have never been in the Evil camp, honestly. It's just not in my nature, it's very repulsive to me. But in my past, I had definitely willfully been more in the Chaotic Neutral camp. I loved the spontaneity and excitement of Chaos, I found it more exciting than boring old Order. The Joker is just funnier, cooler and more entertaining than Batman. Sorry, Batman. But... Chaos just brought me to Evil people. And often planted the idea in the heads of others that I was... innately self-interested and potentially Evil.

In my reformation, after my life collapsed and I grew a ton and really woke up to who I am and what I wanted to be in life... I started leaning much heavier towards actively pursuing Good rather than being on the Neutral fence. Meh, the more I think about it, I was more on the side of Good than Neutral... I've just stayed Neutral because I just don't want to be actively involved in the fight, honestly. My heart has always been aligned with Good. But I started to drift much further away from Chaos the past several years. And now, I'm probably getting closer to Lawful Good. Which is... not what I ever expected. Going from a Han Solo kinda character to more of an Obi Wan.

Lawful, in this case, not just meaning loyalty to social policies or a faction, but... orderly, structured, disciplined, predictable. And god knows a lot of that is being socially pressured. It's really weird, because... I mean... it's 4:30 AM. Literally no one else in my gigantic apartment building is awake, I guarantee it. I have barely any structure, I live on the fringe and have for a very long time. I prefer spontaneity and my career and daily life are built around pursuing creative impulses as they occur. I have deliberately shaped my life around this, which is like... literally Chaos! XD And yet... I'm more orderly than I have been in the past. I do yoga daily, I do chores, I do weekly takeout? Kinda? When I know what day it is? XD Can you tell how confusing this is for me?!

This is really my first time putting myself and my older self on the alignment grid. And... I'm really not sure where I'm at. Maybe I'm more around Neutral Good. Or even Chaotic Good. I'm clearly not Evil inclined, and clearly have a serious problem with Evil... I just... don't want to combat Evil... so I have never seen myself aligned with Good because of that. Like... I'm a pacifist... I refuse to cause harm even to Evil... And that character quality is kinda why I've gotten chewed up and spit out so much by less-than-Good people...

So, honestly... I'm pretty Chaotic. My orderly habits keep me sane and keep me in tune, but I really can't say I'm structured just because I do yoga first thing every day. And that, in itself, is not a slight against me. And fighting my Chaotic nature... has historically caused more problems than good. My Chaos is not bad. It's just... randomness. Quirkiness. My typing right now is Chaos. It's just thoughts coming straight out of my head with no editing at all. But... there's this stigma I've been around in my life. Maybe it's cultural, maybe it's my family, I don't know. They feel like if you're not "structured" and "disciplined" and all that blah blah boring bullshit... you're a bad person. You're doing it wrong. And often, you're unpredictable and dangerous.

When I last lived in this city - a few lifetimes ago - I wanted to do some kind of project (which I would consider at this stage in my life a performance art piece) where me and my friend would go undercover as homeless people for a day or two. See what life looked like from that side of society, as like... a method acting experiment. And, at the naive age of 21, I would've gladly done it if my friend agreed. I really just didn't fully process how fucking dangerous that was, and how fleeting and fragile life really is. But, there are artists that have done that kind of thing and been fine. And maybe I'm being super paranoid by even thinking that if I were homeless, I would be murdered within 24 hours. Right? I mean... isn't that... anxiety?

That switch got thrown. Whatever that is. The self-preserver. The "yeah, you better be cautious, you could die at any second." "You know what, let's go to the store tomorrow, wouldn't wanna risk... something..." "Yeah, let's not call the vet when we only got 6 hours of sleep, we might 'fuck it up'... somehow..." THAT shit. That was a big shift in me. And... I thought it was PTSD. It's definitely trauma-sourced. My therapist told me today it's anxiety. He directed me towards "Polyvagal Theory" again. Here:

Makes sense in a lot of ways. And I rarely cross that line into "I can't" anymore. I just go into evasion, procrastination, shit like that (with going to the store, or the skatepark, or calling a place because I'm nervous or something). Like... it rarely even gets to panic anymore. Anxiety and Irritation, yeah, I get that a ton. And it lingers. So... I'd see that as really good improvement. I just see all that shit on the other side way down below... and I fucking miss it, man. Connection. Safety. Social Engagement. I miss that shit.

Ugh... well, I've got tons of "homework". Affirmations for myself. Kind reminders of who I am, where I am, and what I choose to be. And I'm reading them for the first time, and they're actually really nice, and really helpful. I remember times when I was younger when I would be the "cool" kid who would scoff and turn his nose up at this kinda shit without a moment's consideration... god, that's so embarrassing... Like being judgmental is cool or something. Like fucking Roger Klotz or something, ugh. Here are the mantras:

This feeling is only temporary. I inhale peace and exhale worry. I am safe and in control.

I feel like those are going to be helpful. And the first thing that ran through my head when he told me about this was to make a piece of jewelry for myself around this. Something I wear every day, I referred to it as the "tattoo method", which he... didn't seem to connect with. I guess it's a cultural thing. Meaning... something on your person that is symbolic of a very important reminder to yourself, so that when you need it, it's always there. Like my tattoo on my chest that I can read in the mirror that reminds me that when I feel chest pains in that location, I'm not dying, it's just anxiety, and it's caused... by me. It really does help.

It's getting late. I got most of the line work done on the hoodie, there's only shading left now, then the outer ring... whenever I decide what to do with it. No rush on that. Big victory there.

And I decided to play music tonight, first time in a while. I actually recorded. Two guitar parts and a bass part. Very brief, one riff, a harmony riff and underlying bass to kinda... camouflage the hum of incredibly old pickups. It was a really cool riff, I'm very proud of myself for writing it on the fly, and without any paper or anything. Just me and my guitar, Elisha. Like the old days.

I'm inspired to keep going with that and see where it leads me. Listening to Baroness always makes me want to record 20 albums worth of guitar music, I swear! XD

Bed time, be well.

[waheelawhisperer]

Okay, so, I went back and rewatched Hazel vs. Salem earlier (for a post about Raven Branwen and her relationships with her family, because my brain takes my posts in weird directions sometimes) and I noticed a few things I really want to talk about.

The first is Salem - specifically, the way she fights. You'd think Miss Aloof Regal Villainess would be cold and detached when she fights, but she's actually the opposite. She's remarkably emotional during her fight with the B-team and Hazel once things get going.

At first, she's pretty contemptuous and unamused. She seems mostly bored with everything Jaune, Ren, and Yang throw at her. Subduing them is a chore to her. She's throwing pests out of her house, with all the emotional investment that merits.

Everything changes when Oscar hits her with his magic beam. It's the first then we see that seems to cause her genuine pain or distress, her expression is furious afterward, and her vocalization when she throws Yang at him seems pretty damn angry.

She goes back to her calm and collected self once Oscar is subdued, but once Hazel punches her and they square off, she's... grinning. This is amusing to her, somehow. She's having fun. Her subordinate's betrayal is almost like a game to her.

Also really intriguing is the way she attacks Hazel after throwing him up against the wall. She doesn't stand back and bombard him with magic, she gets up close and personal. Looking at her expression while she's bouncing Hazel's head off the floor, she's simultaneously pissed off at her defecting minion and having fun putting him in his place.

Really cool choice by the writers to make Salem so down to brawl. She has no problem getting physical with other characters, as we see in this fight: she grabs Yang and throws her, she goes hand to hand with Hazel, and she rushes Oscar immediately once she thinks Hazel's down. You'd expect the sheltered-princess-turned-dark-queen to think of this kind of combat as beneath her, but she actually seems to like it. She doesn't quite default to it (she still seems to prefer her magic), but it's clearly not an option she hesitates to use.

Then Hazel grabs her, traps her (just like her father and the Gods!), and she just loses her shit. Those screams she's making? The expressions on her face? That's not just pain. She is pissed. She's livid. She's thrashing around and doing her best to strangle Hazel with her Shadow Hands.

It seems like certain things hurt Salem much more than others. She couldn't care less about blunt force trauma, given that Hazel splatters her face across the floor and she just shrugs it off. She doesn't mind too much when Yang blows her titties up. However, energy beams and fire get a reaction, and so does being grabbed and restrained. Not sure if that's something the protagonists can take advantage of later on, assuming Oscar managed to pick up on that and shared it with the rest of the group, but it's certainly a factor that interests me.

Another aspect of this scene that isn't super related is Yang's dialogue, specifically this line:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Salem: And who is it I've taken from you, girl?

Yang: Summer Rose. My mom.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are a couple ways you can read this, and I choose both of them because I'm really smart and have perfect opinions about everything.

The first is that both of Yang's sentences refer to Summer. We know Yang thinks of Summer as her mom from her conversation in Burning the Candle, and obviously Salem did take her away, as we learn from her line at Ruby in Volume 7.

The second is that the second sentence refers to Raven. Yeah, Raven's not much of a mother, but Yang refers to her as "Mom" throughout Volume 5, and Salem very much did take Raven away from her, too - if not when Raven initially left her team and family, then certainly when she fled the fight at Haven and left Yang to take the heat in her place!

I think Yang is thinking of both her mothers here. I think she's primarily referring to Summer, the mother who actually bothered to be in her life, but I think there's also a part of her that still cares for/about Raven. It's a really well-done line of dialogue, and while the actual fight between Hazel and Salem was pretty lackluster for two such powerful characters, I think the rest of the scene was great.

[hoodoobarbie]

The mythology of the Siren, Mermaid, Water Spirits & Mami Wata and it’s origins within black feminity.

Today I had to listen to other another black woman rant about how mermaids/sirens/mami wata are evil low key. So this educational post was born in response. 

Did you really think the divine essence of the black feminine wouldn’t protect itself ? That energy exists for a reason.  Suddenly it’s evil, to have teeth and protect yourself from predators. Water is a precious resource. You will be tested to see if you are deserving of it or not. Also these spirits will defend natural resources so they don’t get fucked up by human greed. 

It’s common for some places in Africa for people to offer the Sirens/Mami Wata/Water spirits or make an offerings/contracts with them in order to use the resources on their land. It also keeps the white ppl away too because they cause so much trouble.

Sirens are also associated with being the killers of children and men, but often this is completely misrepresented intentionally.

Men fear the power of the siren because she can override the patriarchy at core and can completely unravel them. The orgins of many water spirits lie in matriachal societies, temples divine feminine and motherhood. This is why temples and sacred magikal knowledge was intentionally destroyed and stolen, especially to empower the white patriarch.

Sirens are also described as thiefs of children and child killers. Sirens have been known to kidnap kids who were being abused or have were murdered near water and take them to their kingdom to restore them.

Sometimes the child returns, sometimes they are not. However in general they are big on kidnapping people, mostly women and giving them powers, if they decide to return. The idea of them eating and killing children, was a lie perpetuated by Greeks to cover up some truly horrific acts. Unfortunate these false accusations have been allowed to continue to perpetuate.

If a siren is acting in a predatory way, there is a reason why as their energy as been disturbed. Sirens are natural guardians. 

So the real question is . . . what did you do ? Did you destroy their habitat ? Abuse a child or a person ? Commit an egregious act against a woman ie rape/murder etc ? Disrespect a sacred place, the land, the seas or rivers ? Steal precious resources that weren’t yours to take ?

These sacred traditions are more than just deities, spirits and our ancestors. All forms of ATR are access to our spiritual mind state as an entire community. When you move in Vodou, you can sense the whole of black consciousness and all of our problem spots, specifically  areas that need healing. 

Oxum-Oshun, Olokun, Yemaya, the Mami Wata, La Baliene, La Siren, Met Agwe, The Simbi - these are all spirits with a connection to waters. Water is life and has always been inherently associated feminine energy. I’m not going into detail about all these cross connections but let’s chat about La Sirene, specifically.

La Sirene, Queen of all Mermaids is more than just a powerful sorceress and queen of song/music and dreams, she is also a keeper of secrets an a guardian of sacred memories & knowledge.

Many of the souls of slaves, from the Transatlantic slave trade that were thrown off the boats into the ocean are her children, citizens and warriors now. She comforts them eternally & they live in paradise. That doesn’t mean all of these souls are at rest, plenty continuously ask their mother if they will be avenged, especially the young children. She also has a close connection with the Indigenous Taino. The isle of Hispaniola also known as Haiti (Ayiti) & the Dominican Republic is her most known domain. 

Let’s not act like slavery and colonization was a cake walk. Rape was common place and mermaids, water spirits offered African and Indigenous women protection and power over men. They became demonized overtime for their hypnotic powers and killing men, who often overstepped their boundaries. Women could leave offerings to these spirits, work or commune with them and be quickly avenged or gain great power and wealth. All of this was threatening to the white patriarchal standard.

La Sirene’s presence in Haiti and other merfolk tales that float around the Caribbean/West Indies, is not without purpose. She has ties to many people and many different cultures. Her sacred symbols are global. This is why I speculate she is much older than people think. La Sirene, is a fairly young evolution. She clearly has ties to much older things. Her older names might have been lost but she has evolved, to save her self and also document other forgotten elements of history in the process. There are those who speculate that La Sirene is the embodiment of a cross mixed culture, the evolution of Indigenous & African water spirits combined, due to the excess trauma of colonization and so the Mermaid Queen was born. Others will argue that she is the Orisha Yemaya but a newer avatar of her.  I hate to argue semantics but I will say this, she exists and her presence is felt to this day, all around the world. 

La Sirene is often depicted as a mulatto woman with eyes like the sea but if you have been blessed to see her in dream state, she does appear sometimes as a brown or dark skinned skinned woman of possibly mixed Indigenous/African ancestry with glowing hypnotic eyes.  Alot of her older depictions, deal with colorism and slavery, but as things have grown in the modern world this imagery has begun to change. However mermaids, are known for their shapeshifting powers - to truly behold her true form, is a gift reserved for the rare few. 

As a keeper of the mysteries, La Sirene also access to many forgotten things in the black subconscious. The element of water is an intensely psychic sign.  Water is her domain, and what is the human body 80% of? WATER! The truth does not hide from her hypnotic eyes. This sacred connection to water and her essence, also means you can  track forgotten elements black history and connect to other deities/cultures who’ve had contact with her & her whole court or other black water spirits as a whole. So let’s take a short historical trip down memory lane.

The Greeks & Black women. Sirens, Aphrodite, Sibyls and other Children of Water 🧜🏾‍♀️

The deity Aphrodite/Venus is of Grecian and Roman legend.  

A little known magikal fact is that Aphrodite/Venus is half siren. She is a child of the water, she was literally birthed this way after Uranus got his balls cut off & thrown into the sea. Much of her Venusian influence and powers of love and beauty come from this element. Now my Mambo doesn’t like mentioning it but Aphrodite, is tolerated by the oceanic court of sirens/mermaids. Any child of water, falls under the domain of the queen. La Sirene has a sort of strange fondness for her and so does Aphrodite for her. However this doesn’t mean they are best friends.  It’s tentative friendship at best and comes with some perks. Aphrodite works quickly for children of water sirens and often will send mermaids to her devotees who misbehave. She has deliberately placed me around her people have pissed her off, to cause mischief. She’s quite petty but also  very generous. I won’t go as far to dare and say she is in the queen’s court, but she does curry favor with the queen. Being born of water, her half siren/mermaid influence has definitely attributed to legends of her beauty in myth but also her treachery with men 🧜🏾‍♀️😂. She clearly also has some sort of homesickness for the world underneath the water, because many of her offerings are gifts of pearls, kisses, sea shells, beauty products etc. Anyone who serves the Mermaid Queen knows the meaning behind those gifts. If you’re a black gyal with water or siren energy and decide to work with Aphrodite, do it!  If you ever irritate her, the least she’ll do is give you pimples and fuck up your skin, she won’t have the full power to completely fuck up your love life like she does with the white girls.  And let me tell you, she has completely ruined some white girls lives by giving them terrible lovers or men.  

The trident 🔱 is known for its connection in Greek and Hindu cultures.  However La Sirene or other African water spirits are depicted carrying it, which is largely ignored in the occult world.

You can track the trident in Hinduism, with the serpent spirits, the nagas or Lord Shiva but let’s focus on it’s Grecian connection. The usage of the trident and Poseidon, even in mainstream society today is associated with him.  This lets us know there is a connection between the mermaids, merfolk and La Sirene/African water spirits. Poseidon’s trident was rumored to made in Athens by the Cyclops - this is the city of Athena. So now we can track an element of black history all the way to Poseidon & Athena. Keep that in your thoughts we’ll come back to that later.

Tridents were also used ceremonially in Africa & India as well, as scepters, tribal weapons and religious symbols.

They were also associated with the sea faring people and fishing. It’s highly likely the origins of the trident are cross mixed between these two societies. Indo-African relations, go back to the Bronze age and the Indus Valley civilization. Which means traveling over by sea to reach each other was necessary. There is historical evidence of African millet being found in a Indian city Chanhudaro, including a cemetary or burial ground for African women.  Maritime relations between these two groups existed before Grecian & the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasties.

Now of course there are some deranged historians that will try to whitewash history and say the trident has its origins from the labyrs but the Ancient Greeks & Africans/Indians interacted regularly. The trident also looks nothing like a labyrs, which is quite literally a double sided axe.  This is one of the more painful obvious pieces of white washing and historical revisionism. 

Regardless, the trident is associated with water, ceremonial/religious purposes, fishing, battling in the coliseum and the symbol of power for a few African,  Black diasporian an Hindu deities.

🧜🏾‍♀️ Oracles & Sibyls

Some sibyls/oracles were known to be African prophetesses/Mamissi to the Mami Wata/Sirens in Africa, some were stolen or captured by Greeks or Romans, sold into slavery and made to be oracles, some of whom became quite famous in legend. Their connection to these water spirits, is what gave them their gift of prophecy. Not every sibyl or oracle was African but SOME were.  This lead to the sharing and theft of sacred knowledge. It’s likely these women shared this sacred information, with their colleagues, some whom may or may not have been enslaved or kept in these temple and likely this information was traded, for their freedom, power or money etc. This gave way to the usage of sacred spirits and magick being used by men. A great example of this is the snake spirits of the genii, genius spirits (not to be mistaken with genies) and which then evolved into a diluted lesser energy in Greek society being known as daemons (not to be confused with goetic demons) Instead of a woman commanding these specific energies/spirits, the patriarchs decided that these specifics powers were only worthy of being used by men. These spirits were whitewashed, adopted into their religious practices and said to only be given to men at birth. No woman was allowed to possess them anymore.

🧜🏾‍♀️ The whitewashing of Medusa & Lamia. 

In mainstream society these two women stories have been white washed but also to hide a very shameful history and narrative. These two were beautiful women, in older stories of black black mythology were known to be black and they were children of water & daughters of the powerful water spirit/snake/siren divine mother/feminine goddess. 

Medusa was raped by the GREECIAN GOD OF THE SEA, POSEIDON  and Athena covered it up, refused to avenge her and punished her by making her ugly to everyone. It’s speculated in several magikal circles that the snakes in her hair were actually dreads, due to their lack of understanding of black hair and also allegorically might have been a reference to her devotion to the fish or water snake, great mother goddess. A child of the divine feminine, mother goddess was assaulted in a temple by a man and a woman covered it up & celebrated it.

Let’s start there ... cuz this story says a lot! It’s one of the first historical cases  in myth that really documents the issues that surround the black feminine specifically and it was intentionally whitewashed. Then to add insult to injury, Athena made her hideous to all men and her chopped off her head and used as a symbol of protection but also a subtle sign of disrespect to the fullest. This still goes on to this day.

In fact ALGOL, the demon star, which is considered to be strongest protective magick talisman in the occult world today is the HEAD OF MEDUSA. The child of water! BITCH! This energy is invoked constantly and the spirit of medusa is never allowed to rest.

However these egregious acts did not come without a price. Athena at time was a goddess of fertility. However desecrating a child of water or the sirens, is seen as an attack by the divine feminine and can will cause people to be afflicted with fertility and other mental health issues as well. This is speculative but it’s also likely that after this they were constantly visited by droughts, floods or repeating issues with water sanitation & purity after this. Lowered fertility rates and miscarriages might be more prominent, for Athenians and Athena devotees & likely continues to this day.

Devotees of Athena may also develop severe issues when it to their mental health because of this connection. They completely lose touch with their feminine energy and become extremely misogynistic after continued work with her.

Not only did Athena, cause Medusa to be seen as hideous throughout the land but she celebrated when she was murdered and proudly wore Medusa’s decapitated head on her shield. From the feminist eye this virgin deity/woman was extremely male identified and adhered to the patriarchal standard. She was tested by the divine feminine and failed.

Even more strange, Athena’s birth allegorically proclaims her essential character: her wisdom is drawn from the head of a male god; the bond of affection between father and daughter; her championship of heroes and male causes, born as she was from the male, and not from a mother’s womb. A dreaded goddess of war, she remained a virgin and a servant of the patriarchal society and remains so to this day. She is the misogynistic cool girl and very asexual at the core. In fact if you explore more of her mythos, it becomes very clear she hates women. I’m bewildered at how she has become associated with lesbians and the feminine at large, when it’s been very clear that she was intent on transcending her gender from the very beginning, but never managed to escape it.  

To top it off, I’ll leave you with this quote from Aeschylus’ Oresteia by Athena:

“There is no mother anywhere who gave me birth, and, but for marriage, I am always for the male with all my heart, and strongly on my father’s side. So, in a case where the wife has killed her husband, lord of the house, her death shall not mean most to me.”

Queen Lamia was a said to incredible beauty who seduced Zeus, (a literal man whore) which as made Hera jealous. Hera cursed Lamia with infertility and insomnia. She went insane and is said to have killed her own children and ate them. Zeus is said to be the one who gifted her prophecy and gave her the ability to take out her eyes, so she would not be irritated at the site of other happy mothers.

She became associated with a child eating monster who was half woman and half snake, which ties into the Libyan snake cults. She was associated with phantoms, the shapshifting laimai or empusai and the daemon spirits.

Medusa and Lamia were Libyan by heritage and came from a place in Africa where temples to the water snake mother goddess & divine feminine were common before they were destroyed by invaders intentionally. These women likely had extreme gifts of seduction, mind control and other abilities etc. It’s highly likely that Queen Lamia used her powers of seduction, at the behest of her people to save them from colonization and was demonized for it. Zeus’s temple was in Cyrene in Lybia, so this is far more than an allegorical story. This may be a real life story that was disguised in mythos. Unfortunately deeper research into this subject has turned up many dead ends for me. It’s highly likely Medusa was a priestess of the the matriarchal Mami Watas or water goddess/snake spirits and was likely raped intentionally in Athena’s temple, as a show loyalty to the rising patriarchy by descrating the symbolism of the great mother and the divine feminine. This was likely an attempt to lessen power and status of the matriachal societies that existed at the time. Rape was common war tactic amongst colonizers and news of such disgrace would likely spread like wildfire. This also solidified Athena’s place amongst the male gods and gaining her their respect. Athena and her devotees went a step further to show their allegiance to the patriarchy, by stripping Medusa of her beauty supposedly and exiling her, then parading her decapitated head on shields, when going into battle likely with Libyan enemies.

This is just a brief explanation of a few horrific acts in history, which were whitewashed & explain why the essence of the black feminine has evolved to become more protective, predatory and fierce. She learned to defend herself. Now she kills those who threaten her. 

Fun history tip: Usually anytime you see a snake in Grecian mythology, just know something got whitewashed, because the truth was really fucked up, made them look really bad & a black woman was there.

🧜🏾‍♀️ The black feminine is capable of more than you know.

Yes, mermaids/sirens/snakes & the mami watas can be scary at times but that’s what stepping into mysticism of deep waters is like. Water is capable of many things, it is one of the most powerful elements on earth. It can nourish you and kill you, and that’s the beauty of it really.

We should all be grateful the black feminine is so beautiful, fierce & scares the living daylights out of everyone.

You would be dead if it wasn’t.

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

This story takes place during the summer of 1987. It’s the time of the Cold War, and heavy metal, and Just Say No.

Ten chapters, each with a specific song as its soundtrack.

I’m so excited to finally share it with you.

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Also posted at AO3

—-

Chapter 3: Dancing On Glass

I've been through hell // And I'm never goin' back // To dancing on glass // Going way too fast...

Need one more rush // Then I know, I know I'll stop // One extra push // Last trip to the top...

Soundtrack: “Dancing On Glass,” Mötley Crüe, 1987 [click here to listen]

Three P.M.

Group.

Claire’s hands wrapped around the hard sides of the plastic chair, holding herself upright, watching about two dozen fellow patients? inmates? addicts? shuffle into the room.

Two people stood at the door – greeting others as they entered, handing out small packets of tissues and bottles of Coke.

Today’s facilitator – a middle-aged, bearded man – stood to one side, chatting with a few people.

“Hey!”

Claire startled – and turned to her right to see Jamie slide into the chair beside her.

“How’s it going today? Day two, right?”

She nodded. “Met with my therapist this morning.”

“That’s great! Who’ve you got?”

“Gillian.”

Jamie cracked open a bottle. “Oh, she’s great. Been here a long time. She’s married to the director – did you know that?”

Claire’s eyebrows raised. “No, but that’s really interesting.”

Jamie gulped about half the bottle in one shot. “Yeah. We owe everything to them.”

“Yeah, well. I got assigned to dinner set-up duty.”

He beamed. “Great! I’ve been on that rotation for the last few weeks. I’ll show you all the ropes.”

“Few weeks? How long have you been here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He set down his Coke. “I don’t. And I’ve been here eight weeks. The best eight weeks of my fucked-up life.”

“Don’t say that,” she chided. “Surely everything can’t be so terrible.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“It can be, if you were the reason why a sold-out European tour couldn’t happen, and it cost your backers and buddies tens of millions of dollars, and it pissed off countless thousands of fans.”

Now the greeters took their seats within the circle.

“Couldn’t, or didn’t?” Claire hoped her words were gentle, but when her head split with pain like this she could never tell. “And what do you mean by ‘tour’?”

His eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t. My manager said I’d come back from Europe in a body bag. He’s a bloodsucker but he had enough sense to not kill the golden goose.” He finished his Coke in one long gulp – flexing the tattoos swirling on his forearm and elbow. “And I’m a professional musician – in case you couldn’t guess from the way I look.”

“I see.”

He grinned. “How about that – someone who doesn’t recognize me.”

She folded her hands in her lap, closing her eyes against the pain, so desperately wanting to disappear. “I guess between medical school, and being a surgeon, and my ex-husband…and the pills…there are a lot of things I haven’t paid attention to.”

“Hey.” Softly he reached out to touch her knee – and she looked up at him.

“I’m not making fun of you, Claire. It’s just…I don’t know. Refreshing.”

She smiled tightly.

The facilitator clapped his hands. “Everyone – are we ready?”

People around the circle nodded, and the man sat down in the last empty chair.

“Great. Well, hi everyone. For those of you who don’t know me – I’m Murtagh. Been clean for just about eleven years now. Before that I spent a small fortune that I didn’t have – ”

“ – on enough blow to kill an elephant,” Jamie and several others chorused.

Murtagh smiled. “Wiseasses. Now – today’s topic is: clarity.”

“Can you be more specific?” A heavyset, bearded man across the circle piped up.

“You mean – provide more clarity?” Geneva snickered from somewhere near Jamie.

“Easy,” Murtagh interjected. “And yes, Rupert, of course. What I mean is: something I hear a lot from people here is that being away from substances gives them clarity for the first time in years. Clarity of thoughts – meaning, you’re logical and rational. Clarity of judgment – meaning, you feel like you are empowered to make good decisions. And overall, clarity to step away from all the bullshit that the substances made you do, or made it easier for you to do, and say – damn, what the hell was I doing?”

Across the circle, Rupert nodded. “OK. Oh – hi everyone, I’m Rupert, and I’m an alcoholic. Yeah – I can definitely relate. I wanted to not have clarity, so that I didn’t have to think about how much I was screwing up my job, and my marriage.”

“Good,” Murtagh praised. “And now that you can’t avoid it – how do you feel?”

Rupert stroked his thick beard. “Like shit. I love Scarlet so much, and I fucked it all up. I understand that now.”

“I feel the same way,” Jamie added. “Hi, I'm Jamie, and I'm an alcoholic, too. I drank because I’ve always felt so responsible for everything going on in my band – because I’m the guy that brought us together, and I’m the guy who writes the songs, and I’m the guy who’s across the table from the record company executives, advocating on our behalf.” He bounced a long, thin, jean-clad leg rapidly up and down. “I felt like I was being used, and that I was the only one who cared. I felt that really clearly. So I drank to…to avoid that clarity.”

Claire carefully watched the others around the circle. What Jamie was sharing could make any one of them a quick buck – all it would take was one phone call to a tabloid. But everyone was listening raptly – clearly thinking about parallels in their own lives – and it began to dawn on her that Jamie had one thing she didn’t have much of for herself: respect.

“And then when I drank, I’d just get really mean,” he continued. “I’d say things to rile up my drummer. I had a fling with my manager’s girlfriend, just to fuck with him. And yeah, I’d destroy hotel rooms.”

“Your reaction was to want to hurt people,” Murtagh said gently. “You had had clarity – clarity that you were shouldering too much, for too many people – and you reacted by wanting to push them away.”

“Yeah.” Claire spoke without thinking. “Um – hi everyone, I’m Claire, and I’m addicted to pills. Halcions, mostly.”

“Oh, those are the best,” a woman to Claire’s left remarked.

“Hey – no positive talk,” Murtagh interjected. “You know better than that, Letitia.”

Letitia huffed.

Murtagh turned back to face Claire. “Tell us more, Claire, if you’re comfortable?”

Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. “I was – am – a trauma surgeon for an emergency room. I love it – I love the adrenaline of it, and of course being able to help people on the worst day of their lives. I love being able to heal people. But…but it’s pretty heavy stuff. People die, no matter how hard you try to save them. People wake up and they’re not happy that they don’t have a leg anymore – and I say, would you rather be dead?”

“And you wanted to get away from that?” Jamie asked gently.

She closed her eyes. “I had to have clarity to do my job properly – it’s hard to describe, but it’s like having a laser focus on what’s in front of you. Getting in the zone. Shutting out everything else. And then when it’s all done – I would crash. The whole world would come rushing back, and I’d be covered in someone else’s blood and barely able to sit down before I had to work on the next person. That was so, so hard to deal with.”

“I understand.” Claire opened her eyes – it was an older man speaking right next to Jamie. “Hi everyone – I’m Ned, I’m a lawyer and crack addict, and there are a lot of jokes I’m sure you could make based on that.”

Claire managed a small smile.

“I’m a defense attorney – I’m that guy you see on TV arguing in a courtroom and presenting to a jury. I totally get what Claire said, because I needed to have that kind of really focused clarity, too. It was kind of like acting – I had to remember my argument, and I had to present it to the jury, and I had to pick up on cues from them to see how well I was doing. And then afterward I’d just crash. But I still had to have energy to prep for the next day, and that’s where Miss Crack came in.”

“So what I’m hearing is that clarity is something you already had – and then you turn to substances to get away from it.” Murtagh folded his arms. “Because it’s hard to flip that ‘off’ switch. And then eventually, the substances change from being something to take a vacation from that clarity, to completely blocking out that clarity altogether.”

“Exactly.” It was easier for Claire to focus on Murtagh than the sea of faces surrounding her. “And it’s a deliberate choice. I’m sure, Ned and Rupert and Jamie, that you deliberately sought out something to prevent that clarity. I know I did – I wrote the prescriptions for the pills that I consumed.”

Rupert nodded. “The bottle didn’t pick itself up and pour the liquor down my throat. And you’re right, Claire – at first, at least, it was a conscious decision. Until it became something I had to depend on.”

“I think that there are ways for this to happen more positively.” A woman seated beside Rupert quietly spoke. “Oh – hi, everyone, I’m Marsali, and I’m an alcoholic. What I mean is, there are ways to flip that ‘off’ switch that aren’t so…destructive. You can go for a run. Listen to music. Cook a meal. Watch a movie. Make love to your significant other.”

Murtagh nodded. “Marsali brings up a good point here. I’ll repeat something that I’ve already told many of you before, because it bears repeating. Substance addiction is addiction, first and foremost. All of us are here because our brains are hard-wired for addiction. We can’t change that. But we can change what it is that we’re addicted to.”

“Like what?” Letitia had calmed down a bit, but clearly she was skeptical.

“Whatever works for you,” Murtagh shrugged. “Jiu Jitsu. Flower Arranging. Reading. Playing the drums. Writing. Riding motorcycles. Not all addictions are bad – we just need to find the addictions that help us, and don’t hurt us or the people around us.”

Everyone’s heads nodded in agreement, quietly reflecting.

“So – that’s my homework assignment for all of you.” Murtagh pulled a small spiral notebook from his pocket, flipped to a fresh page, and began scribbling in it. “To think about the thing that you can become positively addicted to. Something you already enjoy, or something you’ve never done before. But I hope that even just thinking about it will give you focus. Improve your clarity.”

“Got it,” Ned said quietly.

Murtagh flipped back to an earlier page in his notebook. “Now – I have here my notes from the last time I facilitated Group. OK if I start going around and asking people for follow-up thoughts to those? Rupert?”

Rupert nodded, and began to speak.

“Facilitators take turns hosting Group every fourth day.” Claire started a bit, but held steady as Jamie leaned in close, spoke quietly into her ear. “We talk about things, and we’re assigned homework, and then the next time the facilitator is back we talk about it.”

“Thanks,” Claire murmured.

Jamie didn’t pull away. “If you ever just want to talk…”

She swallowed. “Thanks. I do. I just – it’s a lot to process.”

“It is. But you’ll get there. Talk more at our dinner prep.”

With that he pulled back, and a low buzz settled somewhere between Claire’s ears as the people around her chimed in to the conversation.

[mirandalinotto]

Why I hate the CAOS video essay that came out a week ago

Did anyone else get extremely angry at the way Friendly Space Ninja discussed all of the female characters in CAOS? like, don't get me wrong... I understand most of the points he's making, and agree with a lot of what he says in the video essay (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: A Frustrating Waste of Potential), but when he speaks about Zelda, Lilith, Prudence, and Rosalind, I don't know... i just get a bad vibe. It's like he's doing a "bad faith” analysis, and it bothers me, because CAOS has so many parts to validly criticize, and yet he missed the mark more often than he hit it, in my humble opinion.

He basically says the same thing over and over again: that the actors were good, but the characters were bad, because they were all boring, shallow, and one-note, or whatever... and it's like... dude? of all the things you could say (especially about Zelda and Lilith in particular), the characters being “boring" isn't really the biggest criticism one ought to have of this show...?!? and it isn't even accurate?

Like why aren't you criticizing the trauma porn? Why aren't you criticizing the butchering of Lilith's mythology? Why are you ignoring all of the character development that does happen (particularly with regard to Zelda, whom he actively seems to hate) in favor of insisting none of these characters have an arc? It’s not beneficial to anyone if you’re going to criticize a show’s characters by actively misrepresenting them!

Which brings me to my next point: one of the things that bothered me the most was just how surface-level his analysis was. You could tell he hadn’t watched the show in a while, and clearly wasn’t interested in celebrating any part of it—which is okay, if you just want to roast Roberto for an hour, be my guest—but why does it feel like this video essay was the YouTube video equivalent of writing a book report on a novel you only skimmed…? He made a lot of generalizations that made it seem like he only watched the first season, and then paid no attention to the rest.

For example, some of his arguments are just so random and insignificant? Like why does he make shallow observations the basis of whole arguments about characters, such as when he goes on about how Zelda says 'Praise Satan' too much and “it got old"...?!?! Like what kind of bullshit analysis is that...? How is that even close to being something worthy of talking about in a video essay that is an hour and twenty minutes long...? Why are you taking such a trivial aspect of her character and making it a talking point in a video that is already much longer than it needs to be?

And while I agree with what he said about Lilith's motivations being inconsistent/unclear at times, and that Zelda's character growth wasn't as linear or developed as it could be, it really feels like he didn't even try to understand these characters at all. I realize I'm biased, because all I do is try to understand them and explain their motivations... but still! If you're making a video about the wasted potential of CAOS, why do you immediately dismiss almost the entire female cast, pretty much out of hand, when they're the foundation of the show...? They ARE the potential?! The good parts about them ought to have been given some credit? Like why does he fail to acknowledge all of the trauma these female characters went through that very much informs their decisions, and instead makes it sound like nothing the characters do make sense? While I might not always agree with every choice these characters made, there usually is something driving them to do whatever it is they’re doing, and particularly in the case of Lilith and Zelda, it’s not that hard to understand why they make irrational decisions sometimes, when they’re literally surrounded by abusers and everything is constantly blowing up in their faces.

Also, something smaller that really pisses me off is that he includes Zelda sending Blackwood out of the room during the birth of the twins as an example of the show's misandry and "bad feminism," but that's literally not what that moment is about? If he stopped to think about it for a moment, the moment is perfectly logical. Zelda is a midwife, who was most likely trained in the 1800s, when men literally weren't meant to be around when the the birth happened, so how is she being a misandrist just by doing what she’s been taught, especially when they’re all in a crisis situation? Men not being allowed in the room is an established part of the history of women’s health/childbirth, and it isn’t exactly obscure knowledge! Men used to be forced/asked to sit in the waiting room during labor, and before that, when home births were the status quo, midwives definitely wouldn’t allow men in the room as a matter of course. In fact, it wasn't until the 1970s that men being in the delivery room became a more normalized practice. So, men being present/witnessing a birth is a far more "modern" thing than I think people realize, and the exclusion of them from the delivery room has absolutely NOTHING to do with women hating men...? like fuck off with that “misandry” argument, in this instance. do some research before you start reaching that far, so as to act like Zelda was being hateful for simply following “industry standards,” if you want to call it that. There are medical articles that still come out to this very day that argue that no one should be in the delivery room besides the person giving birth and the doctors and nurses, because the husband/partner often gets in the way and distracts the medical team at critical moments. (Also men tend to faint or get sick at the sight of the birth, which then forces the team to split their focus in order to see to the unconscious man on the floor.)

And don't get me started on the anti-Zelda rant he goes on towards the end!! While I agree very much that Zelda is a flawed character, he uses an example of her degrading Hilda that isn't even something she actually did?! It's from a dream sequence!?!?!? like dude, did you even watch these episodes/scenes before you talked about them?!? He uses the example of dream-Zelda criticizing Hilda's appearance as a reason why Zelda is such a bitch, and I'm like... seriously? that literally wasn't her? just because Zelda said it in Hilda's nightmare, doesn't mean Zelda said it in real life, and should be criticized for it...?!

But yes, Zelda is abusive to her sister, and classist, and rude, and many of the things that he says--but when he tries to argue that because she's a woman, nobody cares that she's like that, and it’s a problem, because that’s evidence of more misandry… that’s where he loses me. He sees it as yet another issue with Roberto's writing—that he gives qualities that would be condemned in a male character to a female character, and allows that woman to be one of the "good guys" ...but yet again, dude... you're completely missing the point?!? Women are allowed to be flawed, without you seeing it as some gross failure of feminism?

He also at one point claims that Zelda resents Ambrose, and hates having him around, when I would argue Zelda actually really values Ambrose and has a close relationship to him...? Like did we even watch the same show?

I didn't expect to get this heated about a video essay that made a lot of other points that I agreed with (mainly the dragging of Roberto parts). But in my opinion, this guy got really offended by Roberto's fake feminism (which is valid), but then proceeded to tear down all of the female characters for an hour and twenty minutes straight...?! All he did was talk about how they're all misandrists and shallow characters and therefore the show isn't worth watching? like okay... but here's the thing... plenty of women have made it through shows that have misogyny at their very core, and have still managed to find the good points...? Game of Thrones is like the most popular show of all time, even though there's misogyny in every aspect of it, for historical “realism" purposes (*rolls eyes*). Zelda and Lilith's defining qualities aren't solely related to hating men, so it really pisses me off that he made it seem like that's all that shapes them, and that every time they insult or manipulate a man, it’s completely unjustified.

idk. I feel like I just watched an 83-minute roast on a show I love despite it's flaws, and that roast wasn’t mostly focused on all of the biggest flaws that I would’ve brought up, but rather on how all of the female characters are terrible and their misandry makes the show unwatchable.

So let me get this straight: you're hating on the female characters... in order to show how much of a feminist YOU are, as opposed to Roberto...?

Wow. Much feminism. Very enlightened analysis.

[overheard-at-camp-half-blood]

A Rant About Heroes of Olympus Character Arcs.

Just as a warning most of this is negative, but I put the names in big bold letters, in case you want to skip. I do have some controversial opinions in here, specifically towards Percy and Annabeth, and their relationship, but I don’t think I’m negative towards their actual characters... I more so critique how it could have been written better.

I do still love the series, and even though I poke fun at Rick a bit, I still like him as a writer (though I recognize the problematic elements in this story). These are my own opinions on the books, and I’m sorry if I criticize your character in ways you don’t like.

Also, I may do another post about some other problematic elements, so be on the lookout for that.

Percy

Let’s start with Percy, shall we? After all, he is the one who started it all, and he was the one who introduced us to this world. If I’m being extremely honest, and I know I’m going to get hate for this, but I think Percy’s arc should have ended in the first series. He could have still remained a major character in this series, but I think as far as his main arc went, it wrapped up better in the first series, because I feel like this series added nothing to his arc.

I mean, he and Annabeth went through some majorly traumatic shit in The House of Hades, and then nothing was done about it, and I feel like it would just be better had it not happened. Besides I have some major issues with how his relationship with Annabeth played out.

Annabeth

I was really excited for Annabeth, and I did like her arc in MoA. It seemed like a good continuation of her arc in the first series, where Annabeth wanted to prove herself to everyone else, and now she wanted to prove herself to... well, herself. The arc had potential, and I really enjoyed seeing her arc in MoA, but as I said, I didn’t like how her and Percy’s relationship ship played out.

Now, let me preface this by saying that I am NOT anti-Percabeth, in fact, I do post a lot about it on this blog, but I am critical of how Rick writes established relationships. Perhaps it is because I’m older, so therefore my mind is more critical of these sorts of things.

I love Percabeth, but I really dislike their codependency.... I mean Annabeth’s arc in MoA was great because there was a focus on her relationship with Percy, but it was still about her. And yeah, I understand they’ve been through a lot together, but I really don’t like how their development was dependent on each other.

The reason why I put this under Annabeth and not Percy is because for me, it was much worse for Annabeth, because this was our first time getting this from her perspective. We got to see Percy develop through his own eyes, but we never really got the same for Annabeth. Most of Annabeth’s development was through Percy’s eyes, which was why I was so excited that Annabeth was getting her own POV.

And it was great in MoA! But after that, it honestly felt to me that her story was more about her relationship with Percy, than Annabeth herself.

Jason

Jason was doomed from the beginning.

That’s the main issue, is in the beginning, he was literally a blank slate, and while we were worried about the mystery of his character, there was really no way for us to know who he was as a person, because HE didn’t even know. So, as he was introduced at the same time as Piper and Leo, he didn’t get the same development as Piper and Leo. As we learned the other two’s backstories, and how those backstories represent who they are in the current story.

And the thing is, when we finally DID find out who he was, it was too late to do anything with it, because the story ended. I think by the time Blood of Olympus rolled around, and we did learn more about him... a lot of people had no interest in him.

That being said, I love fanon Jason, and I didn’t like how he was treated in the Trials of Apollo series.

Piper

Piper... I have a very complicated relationship with Piper. I kind of wrote this several times, because I couldn’t quite pinpoint my issues with Piper, and she is such a controversial character for whatever reason, and whatever I say will be perceived as me hating on her. That is not the case. I like the idea of Piper’s character, though I can agree she, as well as the other Aphrodite children, are written with sexist tropes, which is another post.

My main issue with Piper is that most of her development happens off the page. In the first few books, she her charmspeak is shown getting her in a lot of trouble, and she often lacks confidence when using it. My issue is the resolution for this happens mainly off the page.

A huge internal conflict with Piper is her lack of self confidence, which is something that I personally can relate to, but we never see her develop that confidence, we’re just told that it happened. Like she worked with Hazel and Annabeth on xyz, so suddenly she is much better and confident in her abilities of xyz. This kind of made her hard for me to connect with her in general, because it seems like most of her struggles happened off page.

This isn’t even just with her overall character; it’s with her relationship with other characters. We do see her friendship with Leo develop to some extent, but that’s because they already had an established friendship before the series started. Her other relationships? Jason and Piper went from barely knowing each other to dating between books. We never saw her friendship with Annabeth develop. She apparently was friends with Hazel, but that happened off the page.

Now, this happened to each character to some degree, but I think Piper got hit the hardest with the “tell, don’t show,” thing. I do think that because a lot of people didn’t like Piper, and imo, most of the criticisms were bullshit, Rick tried to overcompensate by trying to force development on her, without doing the work of showing us her development.

Leo

To be honest, his wasn’t as bad as others, but I feel like more people were disappointed, because he was a relatable fan-favorite. His arc went wrong for the exact opposite reasons as Piper’s, as there was legitimately a lot of development on the page, and he had a good arc set up, but Rick literally forgot everything that initially made his character so likeable to the audience.

So, here’s my thing with Leo’s arc; it was really good for the first three books, as Rick did develop him while leaving room for more development in new books. He also had a consistent arc; in The Lost Hero his arc was about his inferiority complex, which was directly connected to his trauma. He never felt like he had a home, and never felt like he belonged.

This was the direction I was hoping they would go with the “seventh wheel” storyline; meaning, yeah, he’s the only one in the seven who’s not in a relationship, but why does this bother him so much? Because, I don’t think it was the fact that he was in a relationship, I think it was trauma.

I so badly wanted the seventh wheel plot line to be an extension of what happened in TLH, but it became ignored, and it just seemed like a reason to put him in a relationship.

I’m not going to sit here and say that Leo shouldn’t have been in a relationship (though I will say I had an issue with Caleo), but I will say that I hate how a relationship was supposed to solve his feelings of inferiority- when it’s clearly indicated that Leo had those feelings because of trauma. A relationship can’t reverse years of trauma.

I also thought it would be so much more impactful if Leo made his sacrifice because of his feelings of inferiority, then perhaps the resurrection happens through one of his friends.

Hazel

I fucking hate how little Hazel (and Frank) were written into the series, especially considering she was one of my favorite new characters introduced in HoO. I also think she had the most potential, and her backstory was the most intriguing of the seven.

Why the hell was she not in the books more? Rick literally wrote a whole ass book in the series that mostly centered around the two already developed characters of the series, but he couldn’t give Hazel and Frank more POVs?

I don’t have anything to say about Hazel’s arc, because she barely HAD one, at least not after her initial one in SoN. The Sammy arc was made about Leo, which I get to some extent, as they sort of have a connection through Sammy. That being said, Leo never actually knew Sammy, and I feel like the flashback scene would have been so much more impactful from Hazel’s POV.

The biggest issue with that is it didn’t really feel like a way to develop any of the characters, but it was used as a way to justify a love triangle... that was barely even a love triangle.

In conclusion, Hazel was screwed over.

Frank

Frank, oh I have some things to say about the writing of Frank’s character, because my issue with Frank’s writing is a combination of the off-the-page development that happened with Piper, and the lack of POVs issue with Hazel, but to different degrees. Most of my issues with this comes from between Heroes of Olympus and Trials of Apollo

See, I do think his lack of POVs contributing to his lack of character development, you know what pisses me off?

The fire stick thing was a HUGE part of his character arc. It caused him legitimate fear and partially affected his relationship to some of the others (coughLeocough). And the resolution? Happened between series, and it’s literally mentioned in passing. What the fuck, Rick?

I don’t know, to me, it just seemed like a betrayal to his whole character arc, because we saw him struggle so much because of this, and the resolution just happened off page? I can just rant about how annoyed I am by that, because it just felt like Rick realized he forgot about Frank, and resolved his whole internal conflict off the page.

Nico

I love Nico! But, of course, I do have my criticisms of his character.

First of all, I really enjoyed how we got his point of view in Heroes of Olympus, but I really just wish he was part of the seven to begin with, for a number of reasons. First of all, it just makes sense- it’s indicated that he is the only demigod who knows about both camps... so wouldn’t it make sense that he would be part of the plan to reunite them? Don’t get me wrong, he does play a big role in this anyways, but it’s kind of weird that he just knows, and nobody thinks, “Hey, maybe we should include Nico!”

Another huge issue I had, was Nico’s coming out scene was in Jason’s point of view... which I get, because I’m reality, he wasn’t one of the seven... but it just seems fucked up? I mean I like headcanons of Nico and Jason’s friendship, but the unfortunate truth is... they didn’t actually know each other.

In fact, Nico wasn’t really that close to any of the seven- he was probably closest to Percy, and even he didn’t know that much about him at times. It just felt weird, not only seeing Nico come out in someone else’s POV, but in a POV of someone he barely even knew.

Also the fact he was forced to come out... I see the intentions, but it’s just not a good look.

Reyna

Reyna... don’t have any issues against Reyna, other than I wish we had more time with her before the last book. She was such an interesting character and I needed more of her.

[mooshs-crack-headcanons]

Hello could I have sfw letters cjm for dante & lady pls? 🙏🙏🙏💞

I'm always happy to write for Lady 👉👈 I hope this came out okay!

Lady

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Lady hates it when you're sad and is willing to do anything to make you smile again. Expect to be fully pampered, just name it and she'll go out of her way to get it for you whether it be new clothes or going out for dinner at a fancy restaurant with her success at her job money isn't exactly an issue but if she does need some extra cash she can always send the bill where she needs it (RIP Dante's wallet) But if going out to make you feel better doesn't help or is just not your thing, Lady of course doesn't mind just spending time together cuddled up in bed or on the couch in your pajamas at three in the afternoon listening to you vent about what's troubling you either. Lady gives the best cuddles and her chest is quite the nice pillow to test your head on as she plays with your hair. 

But if this is a panic attack you're having, Lady's attitude shifts. She knows from many dark troubling years what they're like and she knows how scary they can be so when she sees you tucked away in the furthest corner of your apartment just sobbing your heart out and barely able to breathe. In her experience, she finds that being alone during these times to be the worse (one of the many reasons why she's grateful for Dante when they were younger) but she knows everyone deals with these types of things differently but she would prefer to stay with you during it, whether just holding you in her arms as your sobs and sniffles soak her shirt or talking you through it reminding you how much you're worth to her and counting each deep breath you take with you to try and calm you down. After these moments you usually fall asleep in her arms and this is the time Lady takes to reflect that you're very strong especially with the tough lives both of you have lived to make the two of you find one another and despite the hardships and everything else, she's really glad to have you. 

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Lady, even though you will never hear her admit it, gets jealous quite easily. Is it mostly because of her childhood trauma and trust issues? Yes, yes it is (thanks Arkham, you blobby piece of shit) Don't get me wrong, she trusts you with every fiber of her soul and she knows that you do to and would never do anything like that, and she also trusts everyone in the crew and that they know of your relationship and respect it enough to never try anything like that with you (no one likes when Lady's pissed after all, way too many bullet holes to fix) However there's still the issue with people she doesn't know, you are very attractive after all and she knows there's some women and men out there that will push their luck when it comes to flirting with you even if after you shoot down their interest several times.

If you're able to pick up on when a stranger's hitting on you, whether it be a client or a random patron at the bar you and Lady frequent, then Lady's reaction will be mostly directed at the person in question (she'll get extra pissy if the person hitting on you is another woman) she'll sit next to you and ask the person what sort of interesting conversation they were having with her s/o not to be able to butt out when you told them you were seeing someone three times already. If looks could kill they would immediately be out of existence at the moment, without surprise it's not very long for them to leave after that. However if you're very oblivious or you just don't catch on that a person is hitting on you, expect a very cold reaction from her. She doesn't interfere, once she sits and watches the two of you for a while and sees that you're not doing anything, she'll just leave whatever place the two of you are at and go home. Expect the silent treatment for days, she'll just ignore your whole existence and carry on with her day, not even spending the time to glare at you, she'll expect for you to figure out what you did on your own and she'll wait for an apology. Because she really loves and trusts you, your apology doesn't have to be all big just enough for her to feel reassured by your feelings but that's not to say if the apology did have some expense to it, she wouldn't exactly complain. 

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Lady for the longest time wanted to get married once she felt the world didn't need her demon slaying skills, she just wanted to be able to settle down in a peaceful world after all and especially with you. After the events of 5, she does feel like the world is a little bit better and with Dante and Vergil's vacation in hell to chill out the eldest brother, safely she can feel assured that he won't be causing trouble for a while. 

It was after a job with Trish when the thought first came in her head. The blonde she devil had made some sort of comment on a ring when they'd pasted an old jewelry store. It was a golden ring that definitely caught the walking arsenal's eyes, the golden band littered with small diamonds and the smallest of pearls in the dead center reminded her a lot of her mother's ring that she would play with when she was younger. That being said it definitely spoke to something deep down within her. On the way back to your apartment, the thought of the ring wouldn't leave her head. It wasn't like she didn't have the money for it, but she just didn't have a reason just to go out and buy it, besides she'd after to take it off too frequently with the pace she gets jobs (rings and guns don't exactly mix well in the heat of a hunt) maybe she could give it to you? Although the ring is clearly an engagement ring, how exactly would you react to that? Would you even like it? What if...the two of you did get married? And the ring reminds her so much if her mother's it's really...comforting with the thought of seeing it on your hand. For the next few months her thoughts that she was stuck with in her mind in the early hours of the morning quickly transitioned from the ring itself to marrying you. Sure the two of you joked about bickering like an old married couple but, did you want to ever get married?

The two of you had been together for quite some time, maybe it was about time to take the next step. Lady is a classy woman, so she'll make sure that it happens over a nice fancy dinner at one of the first restaurants that the two of you went on your first dates on. No matter how many times you ask what the occasion is for, she'll just brush it away but saying it's just a little splurge just because of how well the last job the two of you went on was. Conversation topics will hop around all over the place but all come back to something relating to key moments in your relationship, and before long does Lady look deeper and get lost into the adoration in your eyes and the gentle smile on your lips does she even forget about the ring in the small little white box in her pocket and without a second thought, does she ask that important question. 

Marriage with Lady I'd say would still be the same as in dating Lady, the main difference being that she takes a little bit more time off from jobs to come home and do more 'domestic' things with you such as cooking together, lazy cuddles on the couch together, bunches of kisses in the shower together, and maybe if you convince her hard enough she might let you even get a dog. After your married and Lady looks at you wearing that ring that reminds her so much of her mother's; does she smile to herself. She knows if her mother was still around she would've loved you and just another thing her father took from her. Lady loves you and she's promised deep down to herself that's your marriage is going to be nothing like her parents, everyday until the very she's going to prove her love to you and feel herself get lost in your smile all the same.

Dante 

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

This is Dante we're talking about, I'd say he'd be the absolute best at comforting. With all of his fucked up mental trauma he's dealt with almost his entire life, he has quite the few strategies to calm himself down so he definitely knows how to care for other people dealing with shit also. It all depends on whatever works best for you. Want to sob and cry it all out? He's there to be the shoulder you cry on. Need a burst of energy to get all of the pent up rage out of your system? He'll gladly call up Morrison to find some sort of job to go on so you can slap the shit around some demons. Need to open up about whatever's plaguing your mind? He'll sit with you and listen to you speak for however long you need. Just need to punch something? He's taken quite the damage over the years so I'd say he can definitely take a few hits with no problem. You need just to be left alone for a few hours? He'll still be concerned, but he'll let you be, but sneak a pizza box underneath your door just to be safe. 

Dante, like Lady, definitely has experience in the field (and as previously mentioned he also helped her out with them when they were younger) He'll never leave your side once through it, if you're comfortable he'll hold you through it and won't say a word, just gently tap a calm gentle beat on your arm as gentle reminders to breathe. Once you're able to talk will he begin to quietly rock you back and forth as hum in your ear. Humming always tends to relax him during his darkest moments, so he hopes the calming sound of his voice will distract you from any harmful thoughts you may have. Once it's finally over, always without fail the very first words that he'll say to you (probably the first for hours) is that he loves you and how much you mean the world to him. 

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Dante is most definitely not the jealous type. He trusts you and he's confident that your relationship is so steady that he doesn't need to worry about anything. He just doesn't find any reason to be jealous about the people (the crew and strangers alike) around you. But that doesn't mean that he won't fucking gloat you around, it lights his fucking ego after all. He loves having you sit on his lap as either clients are in the shop about future jobs or the rest of the crew is hanging about, he just loves that sense of pride he gets in his chest just showing you around and it helps clear up if anyone were to get the wrong idea that you were single so kills two birds with one stone! 

Dante may not be the jealous type, but he's definitely not the man to just sit around if he sees you uncomfortable. He knows how fucking hard it is when people just can't take a fucking hint so it boils his blood when he sees someone hitting on you after multiple times you've rejected him to the point where you're clearly visibly uncomfortable. Now Dante's perfectly chill when he slides on over, but knowing him for years your instantly able to tell that something's definitely off with how he's speaks and just...the aura around him in general, he instantly wraps his arm around your shoulder as he stares the person in the eyes and asks what's up in with the most chill exaggerated "cool guy" his persona could come up with but the cold glare in his eyes doesn't seem to match that same attitude, seriously if the youngest son of Sparda was pissed enough things would turn dark very fast. Let's just say it doesn't take long for any 'pests' to take the hint. 

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Marriage isn't exactly for him, he doesn't really see the point in it, the two of you love each other and that should all be what matters. Although if he knew that you were interested, his attitude would slightly shift he does want to do whatever makes you the happiest after all so maybe he'll keep it in mind. 

He has few memories of his parents together but what he remembers the most is that they were the most loving couple in the whole world, through all the hardships and all of the struggle neither of them dropped their smile or the loving sparkle in each other's eyes when they would look at each other. Dante views marriage as a pointless way to get the government involved with people's love lives, but now that he knows you're interested in getting hitched one day over a conversation about Nero and Kyrie potentially tying the knot, he starts to fond over the idea of just having what his parents had with you. Now Dante is...really fucking broke so he can't get you anything fancy but he does take up really hard jobs whenever he can from Lady and Morrison to save up enough to at least buy you something (also note once Vergil found out what his brother was doing he - threatening to slice down anyone who brings it up - pitches in by taking in some extra jobs as well) Once he's able to get enough money to buy a decent ring he gets Trish and Lady to go with him to the downtown jewelry store pick out one you might like. After having many, many, flashy eye sores of suggested rings to be immediately shot down by Lady and Trish, is when he finally finds the one. The next few days Dante is happy and chipper with the ring in his pocket even going out on jobs he'll look at the small red velvet box and buzz around all the ideas on how exactly he's going to propose to you. Speaking of which now this is Dante we're talking about here so of course his ideas are wacky and crazily romantic but however with being in so much debt and already borrowing so much from Lady and Trish what he finally goes with is pretty small but..very special. 

It's on one random night after having the normal pizza and strawberry sundaes dinner at Fredi's, the two of you hand in hand walking back home to the shop talking and joking about whatever comes to mind. The two of you eventually walked past the park, where the statue of Sparda still stood tall as ever. Everytime Dante came to this park it would catch his eye. You had stopped to talk to him about something, but he just couldn't exactly hear what his eyes fell upon the figure of his father and his hand fell into his pocket to feel at the box. You really did mean the world to him, but what if you don't even like the ring? What if you changed your mind about getting married? What if something happens and he can't be there to protect you and you end up like - your hand to his cheek is what brings him out of his darkening thoughts. You ask him if he's okay, your eyes both soft and concerned as they can be that he finds himself lost in them. With your voice he feels comforted. With your gaze he feels loved. Feeling the edges on his heart slip away does he pull the small box out of his pocket, and with fluid movements does he ask you to make him the happiest man in the world. 

As the same with Lady, marriage with Dante is just the same as you were dating him. Though being married to you makes him a whole lot happier than he was before, going out of his way to even talk more about you when he's on jobs with the rest of the crew and everything (which mostly gets a nod and patiently listen reaction out of them as they're pleased to see him this happy) He might've originally thought that marriage would not be something for him but now he's damn sure that it's something he can't be without, after forty something years he finally understands what his parents felt.

If you like what you read please consider reblogging! It means the world for writers and artists!

[suresimon]

{george robinson, twenty-eight, cis man, he/him} || simon orwell is a mutant with the ability of hellhound physiology. they’ve been in new york for ten years where they spend most of their time as a novelist. when i think of them, i think of hellfire of the holy, finding blessings in curses, the sun shining on a grave.

it’s’a me, a’may’rio ! new muse who dis want 2 make a disclaimer that i am not paraplegic. while i’ve been doing a lot of research so i can portray his disability as accurately and sensitively as possible, if y’all ever see me doing sumn wrong!! pls feel free 2 call me out on it!! research is not quite the same as experience

QUICK FACTS:

full name: simon george orwell (luv that for him)

date of birth: march 14th, 1969

zodiac big three: pisces sun, libra moon, sagittarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual (pls let it be known that he can still feel pleasure)

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: infj

temperament: phlegmatic

ability: hellhound physiology

affiliation: brotherhood

alias: cerberus

various inspirations: tbd !

BACKSTORY:

triggers: brief mention of alcoholism, paralysis (paraplegia), i still forgot the word for kids getting kicked out akfjdsl

born and (mostly) raised in north carolina, for some years, simon never knew ‘want.’ it wasn’t that his parents were rich -- nothing of the sort -- rather that his mother would do anything for her sons and daughter. 

their father was not quite as doting, spending more of his time drinking his hatred away than hanging out with his wife and children. if he didn’t... who knows what would happen!

that said, simon was raised to believe that mutants were a species to be feared. ‘they’ll look at you with blood-thirsty eyes,’ so said his mother. but it was not for general hatred -- her own mother had been killed at the hands of one, a brotherhood member, and she’d been left with permanent scarring on her back. his father, on the other hand, simply wanted something he was allowed to hate.

so imagine how unfortunate -- in many ways -- simon found himself when his brother, ian, dared him to dive into a pool using their tiny trampoline... and he ungracefully followed through and dove into the water that was... much shallower than he had perceived. a terrible sensation spread, and then...

his mutation came forth, randomly and suddenly taking the form of a hellhound as a trauma response. in this form, his spine was immediately healed, but when he was quickly and involuntarily snapped back to his original form? to a human? nothing.

the doctors did all they could, but when he came to and they’d given up, he found himself completely paralyzed from the waste down with limited mobility in his arms. he could move his hands. he could move his head. he could move his neck. he could move his forearm. and, with concentration, he could move the rest of his arm. well enough to not be considered quadriplegic!

fortunate that his parents had not seen his transformation, unfortunate that he had no clue what had happened. fortunate that he could move like normal when in his new form, unfortunate that he turned any time the slightest pain was felt in one of his non-numb/paralyzed areas. finally, his ian told him his own secret: while their sister was human (as far as they knew), he was also a mutant. biokinesis, the ability to manipulate life. quite strong, quite invisible.

he told him of this organization -- the brotherhood -- that believed in mutant superiority... to which simon was like ‘didn’t one of those mutants scar mom and kill grandma?’ to which... he confirmed, but waved off. ian was considering joining, if he could find a way, and he encouraged simon to do the same.

that said, simon still had a deep-seated fear and slight hatred towards mutants. it wasn’t something he found himself able to believe in until he was sitting in the family room, watching some program that he can no longer remember, and felt a burn on his hand from his sister accidentally dropping a hot plate. 

hyperbolic trauma response: he turned into a hellhound. his parents were terrified, his sister was curious, and ian... had an odd look of pride. to make things worse, he accidentally used a subpower he didn’t even know he had and induced fear. when he was human again, his loving mother insisted that he leave. and, just to prove a point, ian used his powers -- something he had honed much better than simon -- to rot the apple on his sister’s tray (and she just looked more pissed off than afraid or angry at the two).

somehow, they found themselves in new york. with a wad of cash and unfulfilled dreams, they settled down. ian was forced into the role of his caretaker (which is why he’ll remain an npc, rip), something that felt somewhat humiliating at first but... after a while, just natural.

ian aided in simon honing his ability. and when he finally did? he’d now garnered enough hatred in his heart to truly consider his brother’s suggestion. unlike his brother, he wasn’t murder-happy, but remembering his parents... thinking about all the ways others thought of him in his hellhound form... thinking about the essex house and how that could’ve been him... thinking about the way he was actually fortunate to have the ability -- how his world would be so small without it... 

as kind of an aside, he purchased a dictation recorder to begin spilling his guts a la novels. fiction? sure! based on real life? sure! non-fiction? ...masked as fiction, sure! and, while it wasn’t the steadiest income, he would... occasionally lie and say he was related to george orwell... which would encourage publishing companies to sign, and encourage even more people to buy his novels.

five years ago, he joined the brotherhood with ian. while he isn’t too fond of murder, in his hellhound form, his predator instinct amplifies his hatred tenfold. as a hellhound, he’s so down for murder! and as a human, he’s... down for ranting about them and helping come up with plans.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

his sister ! i love family connections. with his brother being his caretaker, i pretty much have to leave him as an npc, but i think his sister would be really fun ! could be a mutant, could just be curious and... not furious. she clearly did/does not hate them to the same degree as their parents, something that simon and his brother picked up on.

brotherhood besties ! give him some people from the brotherhood who are like ‘yeah, i’m down with murder, but i’m not down down. i feel u!’

brotherhood peer pressure ! they think it’s pretty lame that he’s down for helping with the plans, but has to actually go into his hellhound form to be down with murder :\

neighbors ! he lives on the first floor of the silverhouse apartments. quite frankly, these are the people who probably know him ( in his human form ) the best.

friends from when he first arrived ! as it says on the tin !

fans of his books ! maybe they believe he’s a distant relative... maybe they don’t... but either way, they like his books.

exes ! he doesn’t have the chance to get into many serious relationships, but these two provided him with that. he felt desired... which was nice. no matter what terms they’re on, he’ll always be thankful for that. ( 1/2 )

open to so much more ! besties, ppl who ask him too much so he likes 2 lie 2 them, ‘so if you’ve got hellhound physiology, does that mean hell is real?’ ‘idk!’, etc, etc, HERE FOR IT ALL!!

@c23intros​

[hyperfixationtimego]

I'm interested in the killing game au of all three games you mentioned! Tell me more! I c r a v e this kind of content, there's simply not enough of it and it's a crime!

AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE AGREE!!!!!

okay okay okay okay okay so

Like I said, it involves every character from the main three games. So obviously it’s a lot of people. Not for long but shhh

None of the anime is canon because I don’t have enough patience to watch it nor do I care

Technically the kids from sdr2 still got to be considered alive after their game, but like I said the anime isn’t canon so basically what happened was the survivors escaped the simulation and began waiting for everybody else to wake up. And then boom now they’re here. Everybody who died just….suddenly wakes up here and it sucks <3

Anyway

The survivors are clearly,,,,,,not enthused to be back in this bullshit. Some are taking it better than others. (Makoto & Toko are both hit with a huge wave of depression and it manifests in different ways for both of them, Hajime is simultaneously PISSED OFF but also relieved to see Chiaki alive and well. They have a very tender reunion when they see each other again for the first time items very sweet there’s lots of hugging and crying and brushing each other on the cheek to make sure the other is real and OUGH I just love them so much. Kyoko is the “this is fine” meme personified, Togami is also pissed but doesn’t let it show, Hiro is predictably scared out of his fucking mind, yadda yadda yadda. Also scared is Kazuichi, but he and Sonia, who is disheartened to have to go through all this again but confident that everybody can make it through, are finally reunited with Gundham so that’s something!!! Akane is abt as carefree as she was during the neo world program, but seeing all her friends again, ESPECIALLY coach Nekomaru, makes her so fucking excited that she just. Punches a wall and screams /pos HDBWMDB FUYUHIKO AND PEKO REUNION REAL!!!!! UGHHRHEJ GOD I LOVE THEM??? Maki is silently stewing in her own rage, Himiko is both bawling her eyes out while simultaneously Feeling Nothing (which, honestly, that’s a vibe), and Shuichi is in emotionally unstable wonderland because OH THANK GOD KAEDE AND KAITO ARE BACK AND REAL AND HE GETS TO HUG THEM AND HOLD THEM but also there IS the looming threat of possible death again so. Yeah. Fun.)

As for everybody who’s died, they’re all experiencing a lot of phantom pain in relation to however they died. (For example, Sayaka frequently feels a sharp pain in her abdomen, and her wrist aches if she moves it too quickly or suddenly. Leon’s entire body consistently hurts all over, and he sometimes feels as though he’s choking or being restrained. Chihiro gets headaches every so often. Etc. etc. etc.)

They’re also adorned with some nifty new scars, too, which a lot of them are pretty pissed about because it serves as a constant reminder of the traumas they suffered but w/e (suicidal thoughts tw - Nagito in particular has some trouble with this one. Literally every single scar is a reminder of the horrible things he did, both in the simulation and out of it - a reminder that he was so close to not having to be alive anymore, a reminder that he is dangerous and that he is tired and everything is fucking bad) (he’s getting impromptu therapy from Hajime “done with this motherfucker’s shit” Hinata so they’re. working on it HSNSBDDN dw dw)

Haha memories are also an important thing, too, actually!!! It’s used as a motive (whoever kills someone will receive the memories of their forgotten school life or, in the case of the ndrv3 kids, their forgotten identities)

BUT obviously that puts Mikan in a weird position - she REMEMBERS having the remembrance disease, and she REMEMBERS what she learned, but the memories are distant and hazy. As if they aren’t really hers. (Monokuma is able to fuck with people’s emotions the same as memories - this was mostly done to actually give Mikan a fighting chance at Not Being Found Out As a Murderer Within the First Three Seconds HDNWMEHDN anyway Mikan recovery rights ❤️) ✨it’s the trauma✨

The building they’re in is HUGE + also includes things like Ultimate labs & an outside area like in ndrv3. The Thh kids are like “still hate it here but thank GOD at least there’s sunlight. no I don’t give a shit if it’s fake or artificial or whatever”

And how was Monokuma able to bring people back from the dead???? Why is the cast of ndrv3 here???? Well to answer the first question, it’s because he’s spicy like that. And to answer the second question idk I think he just likes ‘em. He thinks they’re neat ❤️

Tsumugi and Mukuro are both here and they’re treated like normal participants! They have no special ties to the mastermind of this new and improved killing game, but that does not make their peers any less suspicious of them! (Is junko alive??? Where is she???? Is she masterminding this shit??????? 👀)

And nobody is safe from death. Not even protagonist squad, there i said it. Every single protag goes Through Some Shit and whether or not each individual one ends up surviving is 👀 *wiggles eyebrows*

I. THINK that’s it for the general gist of the circumstances, but I absolutely can and will get more specific about things if u would like me to. There are character dynamics + plot points + motives + unresolved pining + resolved pining that is very quickly immediately destroyed + psychological horror and MORE baby we haven’t even scratched the SURFACE yet

[finn-shitposts]

Just a random l*ki rant so i get the annoyance out my head dont rb lmao

Obviously this post isnt about every loki stan i just keep seeing posts that piss me off so i had to yell. This is a bit generalized but know its probably not aimed at you, its at a small but loud minority of frustrating marvel stans

You know im over it, im done lookin for memes and gifs to rb after each episode cos everyones arguing so much sksksk

Like a solid chunk is alligator memes and pretty gifsets which is nicr but theres just so much twitter flavoured arguing and like opinion based arguements cloaked as morality that i jsut. H.

For me, id be just as happy seeing loki find recognition and self love through sylvie and learn that hes capable of change from mobius then remain platonic them both as Id be seeing him date either or both of them (ot3 usually solves all problems for me). I just enjoy the way the interpersonal bonds are written between them all no matter the flavour of it yknow sksksk?

But people online are calling it disgusting to even ship sylvie and loki for either "heteronormativity cos bisexual ppl that come out on screen should date ppl of the same gender or theyre not really bi after all" (as a bi man. This is just utter bullshit im too tired to get into it) or "i interpret them as siblings so if you ship them youre automaitcally into incest" and im sat here w past trauma regarding that like. Hm. Really bad take just an awful take guys. Like i get that most relationships or bonds are forced into het romances 90% on tv and its frustrating when all you want is a friendship or a siblinf type relationship but like you can express that without sending death threats to the actors and yelling at casual watchers who kinda like the ship. Plus yall gotta stop playing the 'its more moral to ship mobius and loki, cos theyre not siblings' bitch neither are loki and sylvie theyre the same person, not related and also clearly distinct individuals only with similar experienves. You can dislike somethinf and just say you dislike it you dont have to assign a moral righteousness to it.

Also i shipped loki and mobius before i did sylvie and loki, and i love them equally but like. Do you ever get the thing where when you were younger and had gay ships that were massively popular in fandom and it was super fun but then like 4 years later when you actually come out as queer youre like huh, the fanon surrounding that ship was mostly made by straight 15yr old girls that found mlm hot and its not Great. Cos i just get annoyed reading deep analysis posts like "when sylvie is mentioned loki doesnt react he clearly doesnt like her much but when mobius is mentioned here are all his micro reactions and the meanings of it that prove that theyre in love" and like. I get reading into subtext and i get wanting canon gay ships, I mean i fucking put up w supernatural skskksks but this is bordering more on the vibes of like when ppl ship idk like idols/rpf and read way too much into every glance and find any way to dismiss and explain away the actual person theyre dating irl? Or like when you read fanfics where someone clearly hates a female character just cos she gets in the way of their fave gay ship and you just have to sigh like guys. Please.

All this being said, i ship lokius i love mr dilf owen wilson i just get frustrated that people have to shit on one character or relationship to uplift their faves, pls can we not all just get along and be civil i beg this isnt twitter act normal. What am i saying these are marvel stans ,.

Anyway from now im just gonna enjoy loki on my own and sit with my personal thoughts and headcanons without checking tumblr cos yall are acting like twitter and its unbearable, i dont need that in my life. Like I thought itd be fun cos tumblr is usually all about selfcest and poly ships and whatnot but yall are just spewing bad takes lmao

Ill be memeless but ill be much happier not getting pissed off at every third post on the tag, im just gonna ship loki/mobius/sylvie in my own corner and avoid the internet on wednesdays, ✌️

[crashingwavesinmyworld]

Riverdale Review (spoilers ahead)

Okay so I’m gonna talk about everything but that thing first, mostly cuz I’m stalling having to talk about it lol. I actually liked most of this episode tbh. I mean even though some things pissed me off it’s not Riverdale if it doesn’t lol.

I loved the Bughead and Varchie moments in the beginning 💖💖 I wanna know what Jughead said in his voicemail. Omg...Kevin called it the Bughead reunion. I LOVE THEM BUT STOP SAYING SHIP NAMES PLEASE LOL.

God I just need Veronica to get away from Chad. He’s such a controlling dick.

SMITHERS IS STILL HERE!!!!💖💖💖

Toni continues to be a badass. I love her.

Fuck Hiram ugh he hasn’t pissed me off this much in a long time can he go away. Please. I can’t believe(well I can but) he got such joy out of Veronica asking for his help and denied her god I fucking hate him. Admitted that he just wanted to see her beg. Is shutting down Riverdale. Ugh he’s the fucking worst.

I officially can’t stand Alice again. I was liking her last season but god. Betty didn’t abandon them. She went to college and got a job. She was living her life and then ended up getting tortured and captured for Christ sake leading to trauma and PTSD. Did her family ever check on her? Regardless though it doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to be worried and care about her family especially her sister who she knew went through a lot of shit? Betty wasn’t judging anyone.

I loved Jugheads speech to Pop 💖💖💖 it was so sweet. I’m gonna miss Pop though I love him so much.

Jugheads plot has made me so sad though, and especially the money problems I can relate. I don’t like that he trashed the serpents in his book, like I don’t like the gang itself but they were all his friends at one point and especially Toni who he disrespected and kicked from the gang her family founded, she had every right to be angry at him. I don’t think Jughead had a cruel intent with his story but they still had every right to be upset.

I really need things to turn around for Jughead though because his boss hounding him and the debt collectors stress me out. Hopefully him staying with Archie and working at Pop’s will help him.

I love that Archie, Jughead, Veronica, & Betty are gonna become teachers. I wonder what subject they all will teach. One thing I need to know though is what will happen to the sweet kitty Toffee Cooper will he stay with that guy Betty was working with or will Betty bring Toffee home with her. The important questions. I’m sure poor sweet kitty will just never be mentioned again though. 😿

I’m also worried for Veronica what Chad will do if she stays in Riverdale. He’s clearly not happy about it. And for fucks sake she needs to never talk to Hiram again.

I’m not sure how I felt about the Choni scene in this episode. I love Toni and I know she means well but I never liked that “if our love meant anything to you” thing. When anyone says it. It just sounds manipulative. I know that wasn’t her intent but still it just rubs me the wrong way.

-sighs- -deep inhales- Okay, I guess it’s time to talk about that thing.

I cannot for the life of me find the words to describe how awkward that shower scene was. Like I get why it happened and I can’t be mad cuz they’re single. (I mean I thought Betty was dating that guy from 5x04 cuz she kissed him but I guess not). But it just was so awkward and felt forced. The “I need to shower so do I do you wanna go first thing” was so contrived and I promise I’m not being biased but it just didn’t fit into this episode at all. It just....didn’t. And the “thing we’ve wanted to do since high school” like yeah maybe Betty did in the beginning before Jughead but god I don’t believe for a second that all the time they were with Jughead and Veronica they actually wanted to do that with each other. And like I wouldn’t be so annoyed if they’d just left it at that. But no. In the promo for the next episode they have to “sneak around” and like...why? I don’t believe this is anything more than friends with benefits and it’s kinda funny how some people thought B*rchie was “so deep” compared to Varchie because Varchie had a lot of sex but that’s basically all B*rchie is doing lmao. I don’t wanna be petty or rude to shippers cuz I’m not like that so I’ll stop there. But I really hope this doesn’t last long.

Anyway, aside from the B*rchie stuff it was mostly a good episode. I sadly am not looking forward to the next episode cuz of B*rchie but hopefully the rest of the episode will be good aside from that.

[didon]

Station 19 and Maya

So this is such a bad idea but I really feel like I need to vent so feel free to ignore. This has been triggered by a lot of the reactions I saw in the tags regarding the last episode and how Maya reacted (though most of the complaints where about how woe Carina got cheated on).

The way I see it, Maya most likely suffers from BPD aka Bordeline Personality Disorder from her abuse. That’s a fact by the way, that her father was and still is an abusive pos. Mostly BPD makes you act in extremes which Maya has been shown to experience like explosive anger or impulsivity or even shifting self image or giant mood swing. Those are all things that I’ve seen Maya experience. People who suffer from BPD normally fall in two categories when trying to protect themselves from harm from others: the ones that hold on to their bridges even after relationships become toxic and the ones that burn them before they can get hurt. Now, it’s not hard to see in which of the categories Maya falls into especially since she’s been told again and again by her father that relationships make you weak.

Now, we know why Maya did what she did. It doesn’t excuse it at all because it was still a shitty thing to do, but it’s easier to rationalize it as her trying to protect herself from being hurt by Carina and breaking the relationship before she got in too deep. By the way, Jack also checks a lot of the boxes for BPD as it often develop in early childhood and is linked to trauma. Being abused is one and being abandonned/orphaned as often as Jack did definitely counts as a trauma. Again, still shitty of her to do, but at least the reasoning can be more than just bi people are sex fiends or that they wanted to just add drama to the relationship (even though there’s def an element of that here). I also want to add that people with BPD often have various self-harm trends including a strange relationship with sex. So Jack sleeping with women he shouldn’t very much makes sense in that context and does not make him the asshat the writers seemed to try to make him look like.

Here’s where I have a problem with people interpretation of the episode though: most of you see Carina as a saint for trying to help Maya accept her abuse. It was very noble of her, I’ll give you that, but she went at it in such a horrific way that she did not help but actually made things a 1000% worse. Maya was clearly not ready to face the facts about a man who trained her to see him as a god. I know it’s not easy to see someone you love in a negative light especially after years of thinking differently. I glorified my father as a teenager because I felt I had to defend him from my siblings who were abusing me in response to the abuse he put them through. It didn’t matter if he gave little to not time, was rude and agressive toward me most of the time he did and literally put me in danger a bunch of times including leaving me at a cinema in a busy town alone at night as a tween or even bring me with him to buy his drugs. Medias told me that fathers were supposed to love you and protect you and I was so starved for affection that I modified part of how he acted to fit that narrative. It didn’t help that I was told again and again that “it was his way of showing his love” or that “he couldn’t control it” which was a big flashback for me when her mother confronted her at the spaghetti dinner.

Now, the way Carina went at helping Maya really pissed me off because she was a doctor and should have known better. She didn’t try to help lead Maya in accepting a life shattering fact, she didn’t give her the space she needed, she didn’t refer the matter to someone who was actually trained in handling similar situations. No, instead she tried to force Maya into seeing things her way and forced herself in her space. It clearly wasn’t the goal to do that, but Maya asked her for space time and time again and Carina refused to the point where Maya had to leave their place to get some. You cannot force someone to accept something this hard to accept. It took me years to accept that what I went through was abuse despite knowing he actually hit my mother and brother. Psychological and verbal abuse is a lot harder to accept and detect because there are no bruises, no visible scars. Heck, until recently, it still wasn’t really considered abuse, it was just “being though” on your loved one. 

So yeah, Carina actually pissed me off and I would have lashed out at her too and that comes with years of therapy. In some cases and for some people, forcing them to see the truth might work when all other options have been tried, but Maya wasn’t there. Maya didn’t have weeks, months or even the years she needed to come to terms with a gigantic trauma she went through. Because she was the one that was hit the hardest with it as the one he literally groomed for that. I’m not going to say it was worse than her brother’s or her mother’s cause abuse is abuse, but she was groomed into it and it does make it harder to see and break from it. Carina didn’t even give her that time, instead we saw her insisting and insisting and trying to shove Maya’s face into it. I understand that she related to the situation and that she was just trying to help her, but not everybody processes similar traumas at the same pace or the same way and Maya clearly was not at the same place mentally as she was. I actually felt pain from her doing that and had to skip that part a bit cause I couldn’t believe someone who went through the same thing could do something like that.

To finish cause this rant has gone long enough, I’m not sad they’re broken up. I never cared for Carina from the moment they introduced her on GA and I never really cared for her on this show and after this, I kinda dislike her a bit so if she stays around, it will take me a while to actually like her. I’d honestly prefer that they brought back Jack and Maya cause I actually shipped them and was pissed at how they separated them. Though I agree with the suggestion from some people that Maya should NOT be in any relationship right now cause she is def experiencing a trauma and needs to come to term with it and deal with it before she can even think about it. She also need to get into therapy but that’s the case with pretty much everybody on this show. Or maybe I’m just reading too much in a show and identifying with characters. Welp, that was all of our time so you guys have a good day/night and let’s keep enjoying the show (I’m also down for talking more about this or BPD if some people need it! My ask is always open and when I don’t get hyper protective of characters I’m pretty chill)