#mostly engineers and whatnot

[narse-tantalus]

While I admire the creativity and energy of these exercises I am begging you folks to talk to economists or at least familiarize yourself with their works or the principles behind it.

Specifically seizing empty units from the owners is a great way to drive private property development out of your city entirely - now the public sector has to do all the construction. Does your city have the political will and funding to support something like Singapore's HDB? It probably doesn't.

Also - putting all these green areas in a dense urban environment (awesome to live next to, for sure) and also urban farms etc. is going to require either demolishing housing and displacing people and making housing crises worse, while also increasing commute distances (and energy/money expended commuting) or will require demolishing commercial buildings which will fuck the property tax base if not the whole local economy. Only requiring these green spaces in new development just shifts those problems to the future instead of evicting people today. Either way you need to build much denser/taller buildings to meet housing demand. Converting commercial units to urban farms also isn't much better -- that's jobs near housing you could have had that instead you're converting to farms - generally a low value use of space.

Third - modular electricity distribution is less reliable and more expensive than focusing all the funds/attention on making one centralized grid as reliable as possible. Yes, it's more vulnerable to disruption by disasters, but it's cheaper and has better service the rest of the time. In general centralized systems are the most efficient systems - they can be upgraded all at once.

Sodium batteries can't be used well for electric cars. Their specific power and energy densities are lower I believe (since sodium is heavier than lithium per valence electron). This means cars made using them will likely be heavier and have shorter ranges. Neither of those things is good. They also can't be used for lightweight devices as well for the same reason. They could be used well for grid storage, but my understanding is that Iron based chemistries are preferred for that application - but iron is readily available in lots of places. A green revolution will require natural resources that have to come from somewhere if it requires new technology or infrastructure built at scale.

Single stream recycling + actually do the recycling: These goals are much harder to accomplish together - plastics recycling in the US is beset by the problem that 1) no one wants to buy the output because it's not pure enough to be useful in industry so it's often diverted to landfills. And 2) it's too expensive to pay people (or even robotic systems!) to sort the waste stream accurately and be able to make money on a raw material you're likely selling for like $1 a ton. Either the robots/AI vision systems need to get a lot, lot cheaper (could happen), or the minimum wage needs to be massively lowered (or maybe there could be a labor tax where we force people to sort recycling through government force?) or industry needs to value impure mixed plastic bales that may be contaminated with pesticides etc. much higher than they do. This sorting challenge is made worse by single stream recycling. Japan went with the labor tax for garbage sorting into multiple streams for a reason.

Note: these concerns don't apply to metal recycling at all, and iirc don't apply much to glass recycling. (Glass can also be safely dumped almost anywhere since it's chemically inert and stable). That being said, iirc it still isn't commercially viable to recycle glass in some places where there isn't enough local demand (glass is expensive to ship).

Hey everyone! As part of a personal project I’m trying to brainstorm factors that would make communities/locations more resistant to climate change and the damage that it can cause to people’s lives. If anyone has any thoughts I’d love to hear them!

[rhaenella]

LN4 | Challenge Accepted

pairing: lando norris x non-driver!reader

genre: one shot ✿

summary: it’s been five years since the last chinese gp, so when you and lando are set up to race each other on the shanghai circuit on mclaren’s state of the art simulator, anything is possible…

word count: 5.6k

masterlist

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

The sound of feet tapping restlessly against the floor, alternated by the squeaking of a swivel chair spinning round, echoed through the large hall at McLaren HQ. With a sigh, you refreshed your social media—again—but there were no new posts of any kind to keep you occupied. You’d already gone through all of them.

Your boyfriend and F1 driver, Lando Norris, was somewhere in the massive building, filming interviews, challenges and whatnot for the McLaren social media platforms. He had asked if you'd come with him today, mostly because you already saw so little of each other due to his busy schedule. Not that you saw much of each other right now, but at least there wasn’t an ocean between you like there usually was. 

Besides, he’d promised he would wrap up as quickly as he could, and take you out for dinner. So. The wait was worth it. Even though you were bored out of your mind for the foreseeable future.

After walking up and down the hall’s boulevard four times over, admiring all of the beautiful, historical cars on display, you had checked out the trophy wall, which was just as impressive. But since you weren’t allowed access anywhere else inside the building, at least not without a chaperone, there wasn’t much else for you to do or see. That’s how you found yourself in your current situation, spinning around in a chair like an impatient five-year-old, the line of racing cars and the lake outside whooshing by. 

“Y/N?”

The chair came to an abrupt stop. “Yea–yes?” you squinted at the blurry figure in front of you. 

Maybe it hadn’t been such a great idea to spin around so many times that your vestibular system now made it feel like you were on a ship battling a terrible storm. Luckily, once your vision cleared, you recognised the person instantly. It was Lando’s performance engineer, Andrew Jarvis. You’d seen him around race tracks a few times—he was always very friendly and kind to you.

“Jarv! Hi, how are you?”

“I’m good, thanks. What about yourself?”

“Oh, good, good… Enjoying the scenery,” you sneered, waving a hand.

“Right,” he drawled, looking you up and down with an amused smile. “Bored?”

“Yes,” you groaned, sinking a little deeper into the chair. “So. Fucking. Bored.”

Jarv chuckled. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m afraid Lando is still tied up. I think he and Oscar are filming some kind of… song challenge? I don’t know,” he shrugged with another laugh. “It’s not exactly my area of expertise.”

Your lips quirked up. “Imagine if it was. You could start hiding strategy calls in songs and sing them over the board radio.”

He wavered. “That would be…”

“Genius?”

“Eh, well,” he faltered, his mouth twitching all the same. 

“Right. Maybe not,” you laughed. 

Although, privately you thought it would be a hilarious idea. With a tinge of brilliance, perhaps. But the pinnacle of motorsport would probably be a little too serious to see it your way. 

“I’m obviously not an engineer, or a strategist, or a driver. So, I guess I’ll just stay here,” you sighed, patting the armrests of your new friend, the swivel chair. “And try to excel in exercising patience instead.”

Jarv nodded, his brows furrowing. “Maybe you don’t have to…” 

You eyed him with a suspicious look. “What do you mean?”

He checked his watch and glanced around before looking back to you, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I have an idea. Come with me.”

Jarv had already turned on his heel before you could object, expecting you to blindly follow him to wherever it was he intended to take you. Which you did… without too much thought. Let’s just say boredom got the best of you. Choosing between sitting another god knows how many hours in that chair, or doing something—anything—the choice wasn’t hard. So, you leaped from your seat, sprinting to catch up with him. 

“Wait!” 

He slowed down, and you fell into step beside him. “What’s your idea? Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.”

You neared the large double doors at the rear of the boulevard. Jarv pressed his right thumb on a small, glass box on the wall next to them, waiting for his fingerprint to be authorised. The system scanned his print, and the light tinged green. “Welcome, Mr. Jarvis,” a female voice said as the doors automatically opened in front of you.

“Nice.”

Jarv grinned, gesturing for you to precede him into the restricted wing of McLaren HQ. The part that the general public never got to see. You gazed around in amazement. You knew it was a large building, but it was more like a maze back here, and you quickly lost all sense of direction.

“I should probably text Lando, he’s gonna wonder where I’ve disappeared to.”

“Don’t worry, Lando is heading where we’re going, too.”

You relaxed a little at that, however your curiosity didn’t subside as you trailed after Jarv throughout the many long corridors. Where the hell were you going?

The behind the scenes looked arguably even more impressive than all the trophies and race-winning cars that were being flaunted in the entrance hall. You passed countless offices, labs, and workshops where employees were working on top-secret updates for the MCL38, or perhaps even next year’s car. And although Jarv kept up a good pace, you were still able to sneak a few glimpses here and there, thanks to all the glass walls. Most of the technology looked so futuristic, you felt like you had accidentally stepped onto the set of a sci-fi film.

Jarv made a sharp right turn down another hallway. This one only had one door at the end, and it wasn’t made out of glass like the rest of them, which prevented you from being able to see what was behind it. 

You read the sign next to the door, which only added to the mystery. 

Strictly No Admittance. Authorised Personnel Only.

“This is it,” Jarv said, retrieving a key to unlock the door, opening it wide. 

Well, there was your authorisation.

You stepped into the mysterious, dimly lit room, your eyes gradually widening with awe. 

The room was roughly twelve by twelve metres, and in the centre stood two professionally altered Formula 1 cars, both with their own 180-degree widescreens set up in a semicircle around them. The back wall was lined with large computer screens, a row of chairs stationed in front of them, which gave you the feeling you were looking at a small-scale pitwall. 

Holy… beep.

Speaking of futuristic tech, this was way up there.

“Welcome to the McLaren simulation room.”

You whirled around to face Jarv, beaming. “This is incredible. I’ve never seen a sim like this before.”

It was true. Sure, Lando had his own simulator at home in Monaco. But it was nothing compared to this piece of craftsmanship.

Jarv hummed, smiling as he walked to the faux-pitwall. “So. You ready to try it out?”

You blinked. “Ready to–wait a minute… what?”

You stared at Jarv as he turned on the computers, pressing buttons here and there that made the right car hum to life. Next, the widescreen around the car powered up as well, causing a wave of light to brighten the otherwise dark room.

“Jarv?”

He opened a cabinet, retrieving a steering wheel before he walked to the simulator. “Come on, don’t tell me you don’t want to.”

“That’s not it,” you trailed off. 

“Good,” he said, turning around, looking at you expectantly. “So get in, then.”

“But… what about Lando? You said he was on his way over here. Don’t they need the room?”

“They will be here to film something in,” Jarv checked his watch again. “In a little over an hour. Until then, the room is empty, and we can use it. I presume you’ve driven a simulator before?”

“Yeah, I have… but don’t I need some kind of special clearance to use one of these?” One of these super expensive, highly accurate simulators that are solely used to train drivers and prepare the real cars and their setups for race weekends. Whatever could go wrong?

“Y/N, don’t worry about it. I’m Lando’s performance engineer. I’m one of the few that gets to decide who uses the sim.”

You shifted your weight, still unsure. “I’m not gonna be any good at it.”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you have fun, or would you rather return to the waiting area?”

“No.”

Jarv’s smile widened, and he gestured to the sim, inviting you to take a seat.

You hesitantly walked up to the car, twisting your rings, a nervous habit of yours. You’d tried the simulator at Lando’s before, and like you’d already pointed out to Jarv, you weren’t any good at it. Lando had tried to talk you through it, telling you where to break and lift, but it was painfully clear you weren’t cut out to be a driver. 

And now you had to drive in McLaren’s state of the art simulator, under the watchful eye of Lando’s performance engineer. The pressure was real. You didn’t want to make a complete fool out of yourself.

After you’d managed to, somewhat awkwardly, settle yourself in the sim’s seat, Jarv locked the steering wheel into place. It was familiar to you as it looked exactly like the one on Lando’s car, just like everything else on this sim. Except that it didn’t have a front or back wing, or any tyres.

“Alright, before you start driving, it’s important to know the ins and outs of the track you’re racing at. Which in this case will be Shanghai, the location of next weekend’s race,” Jarv said, pressing a few buttons. 

The layout of the track popped up on the screen in front of you, with a sea of information and data appearing on the sides. 

“Don’t worry about the data. We’ll stick to the basics that are of importance to you as a driver. Ready?”

You nodded.

“Good. So, the Shanghai International Circuit has sixteen corners, two DRS-zones on the main straights; one in sector three, and the other on start-finish…”

***

“I don’t know, I feel like maybe I should pursue a musical career,” Lando joked as he and Oscar followed Marion, the head of McLaren’s PR team, down the building’s corridors. 

They had just finished filming another challenge for YouTube. Or Instagram. Or both. Lando didn’t really care about the specifics. It was just another part of his job. Something he’d rather be done with soon, so he could go back to his girl.

Oscar snorted. “Yes, I’m sure you’ll be a Grammy-nominated artist in no time.”

Lando grinned, agreeing with a nod. 

“Alright, lads. One more, and then you’re free to go,” Marion called over her shoulder. 

It was absolute music to Lando’s ears.

“What is it that we have to do?” Oscar asked.

“You’ll be racing each other on the sim, just for a couple of laps, around the Shanghai circuit.”

“I thought we were gonna train on the sim in the morning,” Lando said.

Marion nodded. “You will. This is only a short challenge for a video ahead of the Chinese Grand Prix. Because we haven’t raced there in so long, we thought it’d be fun to film your initial reaction to the track driving the MCL38.”

He and Oscar shared a look. They were always down for a race. There was no question about it.

The click-clacking of Marion’s heels bounced around the hallway as the group made their way to the simulation room. When they arrived, Will, Lando’s race engineer, and a camera and sound crew were waiting for them by the door.

“Why are you all out here? You should be setting up the cameras,” Marion scolded, looking at the men expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

But the men ignored her, instead they all looked to Lando, grinning. He frowned, not at all understanding the meaning behind the knowing looks they were sending him. What was up with them?

“Someone beat us to the sim, I’m afraid,” Will explained, his eyes still on Lando.

Marion turned to Lando as well, equally confused. “What does that mean?”

Lando met her eye and shrugged. “Hell if I know.”

As if on cue, a high pitched scream came from the simulation room, followed by a distinct, “That’s more like it!”

Will and the crew chuckled, but Marion wasn’t having it. “What on earth is going on,” she bristled, pushing past them to enter the room.

Lando followed her, but he couldn’t have been less prepared for the scene they stumbled upon next. 

Occupying one of the simulators was his girlfriend, and right next to you stood Jarv, who was closely monitoring your driving, giving you short and precise instructions. You were going down the straight at full throttle, following Jarv’s pointers as you breaked and hit the curb perfectly for a smooth exit.

What the hell? 

He’d thought you were still waiting for him in the entrance hall on the other side of the building. Never in a million years had he expected to find you here, racing on McLaren’s simulator, looking like you actually knew what you were doing no less. 

So that’s why all the guys had been smirking at him…

“What do we have here?”

You jumped at Lando’s voice, immediately causing the car to spin and crash during your momentary lapse of concentration. 

“Fuck! I was on a flying lap…”

“And a bloody good one at that,” Jarv added, proud.

Lando’s eyebrows shot up. “You were what?” His eyes flicked from you to Jarv, to you, and then back to Jarv. “Mate?”

Before Jarv could utter a word, you turned to face your boyfriend with a wide smile. “Baby, guess what?! I’m not a complete loser at this!”

“I–I’m so proud of you… but,” Lando shook his head, still not understanding any of this. “Why are you two in here?”

You grabbed onto the halo and pulled yourself out of the car to face him. “Jarv came to see how I was doing, and since I had nothing better to do, he suggested I’d give this a try,” you explained, gesturing to the sim.

“Oh, I see,” Lando smiled. 

Yet he struggled to swallow the bitter taste at seeing you spending time and having fun with Jarv. All the while he had been stuck ‘working’. Not that he blamed you for it. He was the one who left you all by yourself for so long. But still… 

“Uhm, but now that you’re all here,” you said, a bit sheepish, your eyes scanning the gathering crowd. “I’ll uhm, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Very well,” Marion called, but she was quickly interrupted.

“No, no, no, no. Wait a second. I need to know something first,” Will spoke, stepping forward. “Jarv, we need your professional assessment, man. How did she do?”

Marion sighed, tapping her phone to check the time, which only made her look more impatient. Lando ignored her, his eyes sliding from you to his performance engineer, curious as well. 

“Y/N did great. She struggled a little at first, but the more laps she did, the better she got,” Jarv beamed. He turned to face Lando. “You know, I reckon she’d even have a good chance at beating you.”

Lando studied him. “You’re joking.”

“No, I’m being serious, mate. I’d wager good money on it.”

Marion’s annoyance evaporated within an instant, her eyes lighting up. “Oh gosh, that is a perfect idea, Jarvis.”

“What is? Gambling?” 

“No,” she huffed. “I mean, instead of Lando against Oscar, we can have these two lovebirds race each other on the sim instead!”

“What?” you and Lando cried in unison.

Everyone looked at you, and your cheeks tinged a soft pink. You weren’t used to all the attention, usually preferring to keep a lower profile. Well, as much as that was possible dating a Formula 1 driver.

“Guys, I’m flattered. Truly, I am. But I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. I know you’re all here to do a job, and that job doesn’t include me…”

“That’s right,” Lando agreed. He shot you a brief smile before addressing Marion. “Besides, she doesn’t like to be the centre of attention, and I don’t want her to embarrass herself in front of the eyes of millions.”

Something stirred inside you. “What does that mean? You don’t think I can beat you?”

“Well, sweetheart…”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” you mumbled, your eyes narrowing. 

Under other circumstances, you would have agreed with him. But this last hour and a half with Jarv had boosted your confidence. It had gone really well, exceeding both of your expectations on your sim racing capabilities by miles. And maybe, some part of you, just wanted to show him that.

Like Lando, you never shied away from competition. Not if you had a chance at winning. You weren’t a hundred percent sure if you did right now. But you couldn’t deny you weren’t more than a little curious to find out. And seeing as Lando had just called you out in front of everyone, the only logical thing to do was rise to the challenge.

“You know what? I’m in.”

With that, you climbed back into the snug seat, forcing the thought of having everyone’s eyes on you to the back of your mind. 

Lando’s eyes widened. “What?” 

“Wonderful,” Marion exclaimed. “Let’s roll, people.”

Lando watched as everybody around him immediately jumped into action, including the camera and sound guys who got ready to put it all on film. Jarv grinned and grabbed his tablet, giving a slight nod to Will, who nodded in return and went to start up the second simulator and retrieve a steering wheel for Lando.

“I’ll be assisting Y/N, and just like with a normal race, Will can be Lando’s engineer,” Jarv said.

“Yep,” Will said, holding up the steering wheel as he walked to the other sim. “We’re good to go.”

“We are too!” one of the crewmen announced.

Marion smiled, but it faded when she noticed Lando still standing by the door, not having moved an inch. “What are you waiting for? Get in the car,” she said.

She started pushing Lando in the direction of the other sim, but he stood his ground. 

“Hold on. We can’t do this.”

“What? Why not?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Lando sighed. “You know why.” 

Did they? Did he? 

Lando loved to race, and he certainly loved you. So what was stopping him from combining the two? 

He wasn’t scared of losing—he never has been, and never would. Not that there was any real chance that you, an inexperienced ‘driver’, could beat him today. There was simply no way. 

He’d seen you try the sim at his house, and despite his best efforts, you were, for lack of a better term, absolute rubbish. But then again, Jarv had seemed so sure of himself. That man didn’t lie or exaggerate. He would give it to you straight if you underperformed or weren’t any good. Lando had always admired and respected that. 

So, had Jarv been able to unearth some sort of racing talent that was buried deep inside of you? Something that Lando himself hadn’t managed to uncover…

Was that why he hesitated going up against you? His sense of pride?

Lando groaned internally. If anything, that should make him that much more adamant to race you.

He looked over to see you were already staring at him, ambition burning bright in your eyes. Ambition to beat him. At the thing he did best… It was alluring, and Lando felt his own competitiveness flare. 

“No, we don’t. Honestly, what’s stopping you?”

“It’s only five laps. It’ll be a piece of cake for you, Norris.”

“Unless that’s the problem,” Jarv joked. “Maybe he needs to warm up and familiarise himself with the track first…”

“I think all of you are forgetting that I’m the only one here who actually raced in Shanghai,” Lando shot back, unconsciously taking a step towards the sim.

“And how did that work out for you, mate?” Oscar chimed in.

Lando glared at him and Oscar struggled to contain his laughter. 

“Even better,” you exclaimed, reclaiming your boyfriend’s attention. “You have on track experience and I’ve had a little time to prepare with Jarv. That’s fair enough, right?”

“Y/N… are you sure you want to…” 

He was so close to giving in. He knew it, you knew it, probably everyone did. Besides, you had one more trick up your sleeve. One that would surely make his competitive side overshadow any lingering doubts, and get him to race you in that other sim.

“When have you ever walked away from a race? Hm? Unless you’re scared you’ll lose…”

That struck the intended chord. 

Oh, she didn’t, Lando thought. 

You gave him your most innocent looking smile, but he knew damn well what you were doing. He shook himself. Fine. If you wanted to race him so badly, he would give it to you. And no way in hell would he still consider going easy on you.

Lando promptly made his way to the other car and slid into the seat with practised ease. He signalled Will, who handed him the steering wheel. He clicked it into place before glancing to his right, smiling dangerously. “Alright, you’re on, darling. Challenge accepted.”

At that, Jarv entered a bunch of commands on his tablet, which was connected to the simulator’s system, to set the race parameters. Two cars appeared on the screens, each from their own driver’s point of view, already in position to start racing at Shanghai’s International Circuit.

“As you can see, Lando will start on the right and Y/N will start on the left,” Jarv informed.

“Whoa, wait a minute,” Lando sputtered. “Why are you starting from pole and not me?”

“Because I clocked the fastest lap time.”

“You clocked the only lap time.”

You shrugged, smiling. “Take it up with race control, baby.”

“Don’t worry,” Will reassured, looking at his own tablet as he scrolled through the accumulated data from your runs. “Break late, and you can easily overtake her in the first corner.”

Lando nodded, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel as the digital green flag was waved.

Jarv leaned in to whisper in your ear: “No, he won’t. Just remember what I taught you.”

“Aye, aye,” you said, focusing on the lights.

The cameras were all set and rolling, and Marion looked around, relishing the unexpected turn of events. This would be an enormous hit online, for sure. Her eyes landed on Oscar who stood to the back, watching the couple with an amused glint in his eye. If only she could involve him as well somehow… that would make it even better.

“Oscar, why don’t you take on the role of commentator?” Marion suggested, her tone indicating that he didn’t have much of a choice. 

Oscar startled. “Oh. Uhm. Yeah, sure.”

He moved to stand in between the two simulators, clearing his throat. “Right. Uhm. Welcome to the Shanghai International Circuit for the 2024 Chinese Grand Prix… It’s Sunday, April 21st—well, not really but let’s go with it—uhm, and we’ll soon start racing–”

“You’re a lousy commentator, Piastri,” Lando interrupted.

Oscar rolled his eyes. “How about you worry about yourself, Norris.”

Lando snickered, but he quickly sobered when the first light gleamed red. Then the second, the third, the fourth, the fifth, and…

“It’s lights out and away we go!”

You got away quick, but Lando was faster, years of experience siding with him.

“Lando dives into the first corner, ahead of Y/N. Can she cross back? No, no she cannot. Ah, bummer…” Oscar narrated. “She’s right behind him, though, going into turn 3. Lando nearly missing the apex there, but he recovers well. OH! Oh, never mind. Lando goes wide in turn 6! Yeah, he’s familiar with that one.”

“Shut up,” Lando snapped.

“I didn’t think so, mate,” Oscar grinned, settling into his new character nicely. 

“Y/N is back on his heels as they go down sector two. DRS is not yet enabled, but she is only six tenths behind! Will Y/N be able to overtake Norris without DRS on the straight? She’s getting closer… they’re racing each other into turn 14, and… OH Y/N, massive lock-up! She manages to keep the car on track. Excellent save! But that’s gonna cost her some valuable time.”

You crossed start-finish, eyeing the time as you entered lap two.

Oscar’s voice boomed loud. “DRS enabled! But Y/N is too far–”

“Just 1.2 seconds behind, you can still do this,” Jarv encouraged. “Line-up on the left and take the first corner on the inside. Yeah, like that. Good.”

On the other side of the room, Will was giving Lando similar instructions. It had, after all, been a while since Lando had last raced this track. During his rookie year, no less. Therefore it was currently taking him quite a bit of effort to find the correct race line, especially with the many difficult corners and hairpins around the track. 

“Steady on,” Will said. “Y/N is out of DRS. Let’s keep it that way.”

The couple sped down the track on their simulators, and even though most of your focus was spent on driving and listening to Jarv’s notes, you also marvelled at the accuracy and realism of the sim. From the sensations of the literal car you were seated in, down to the gravel Lando’s little off-track adventure had caused to spread in and around turn 6. Whatever the outcome of the race, this experience would certainly beat waiting around and lounging in that swivel chair.

“Great exit from Norris who is absolutely flying down the straight in sector three, followed by Y/N at 1.4 seconds. Still doing a phenomenal job so far!” Oscar continued, his eyes glued to the screen. “Approaching turn 14, can Y/N manage the hairpin this time? What?! Oh, no! It’s Lando that locks up this time… Oiiioii, mighty turn 14 proves to be too much for both of our star drivers.”

Jarv kept a close eye on the interval time, and thanks to Lando’s mistake, the gap had already shrunk to 1.1 seconds. “Okay, now use the extra power from the ERS to get closer,” he instructed.

You did as you were told, pressing the correct button on the steering wheel, which gave you an extra boost to get even closer to Lando.

“Y/N gaining on Norris! And she’s now back within DRS at 0.9 seconds. Whoa, what a truly remarkable performance by someone who has never driven a race car or a sim like this before! I’d vote for her as driver of the day…”

“No one asked your opinion,” Lando cut off, sounding a little strained.

“Whatever,” Oscar shrugged, unbothered. “Lando Grumpy-Ass Norris struggles to maintain the gap between him and his girlfriend, hitting the curb a little enthusiastically right there. Oh, Y/N faces the same issues! It’s all about keeping the focus now, ladies and gents. Will Y/N be able to close the gap? Will she be able to attack Norris?”

Marion stood behind the cameras, watching gleefully how you and Lando raced each other around the virtual Shanghai circuit. Oh, you were even better than she could have ever anticipated. Better than anyone in the room could have ever anticipated, really. The whole crew was watching the race with baited breath. 

You were almost equally matched. With you, a real diamond in the rough, having received some training beforehand, and Lando, an experienced driver, essentially going in blind—it was a golden match.

Were you going to be able to do the unthinkable?

“We’re going into the penultimate lap, and even with Lando strategically using his batteries, Y/N has managed to close the gap to 0.7 with DRS. And there she is also clocking the fastest lap. Wow!”

“You can win a little bit of extra time in sector two,” Will analysed. “Turns 9 and 12 are crucial. You need a good exit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lando said. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Does he?” Oscar cut in. “We’ve got track limits for Norris in turn 9! He’s getting desperate now, with Y/N coming for him at 0.6 seconds. Is she going to—yes! She’s attempting to overtake Norris ahead of turn 11 but… fails… Oh, that was a bold move by Y/N! She lost a bit of time with that one, but she’s still within DRS range and knows she will be able to get close again for another attack.”

Your knuckles were turning white from how tight you were gripping the steering wheel. You couldn’t make a mistake, not now. You were so close… On the other sim, Lando was in a similar state. Although he was clenching his jaw in concentration instead. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep you behind him.

“Final lap,” Oscar announced. “And Norris crosses the white lines again! Turn 3 this time. Yep, there it is. Second track limits for Norris. He is feeling the heat, and not the good kind.”

Jarv’s mouth twitched. “It’s been five years since Lando raced here, let’s use it to our advantage,” he spoke to you in a hushed tone.

You nodded, your eyes never wavering from the screen in front of you.

Jarv checked the data, both yours and Lando’s, then leaned in. “Okay, here’s what you’ll do: instead of following the race line at–”

Will was closely observing you and Jarv from the other side of the room, but he couldn’t make out what Jarv was saying over the sounds of the simulators’ engines and Oscar still commentating to his heart’s content. He looked down at his driver, who was fully focused on the task before him.

“And then use the charged batteries after exiting turn 13. I know Lando’s defending tactics, this should work. He won’t see it coming,” Jarv finished. 

You simply nodded again, trusting your engineer’s judgement. You would give it your all to try and execute his strategy as best you could.

“As we’re nearing the chequered flag, all bets are off. Lando is fighting for his position with everything he has, but Y/N is not ready to call it quits just yet!” 

Your heart rate was off the charts, but you managed to stay calm, hitting the apexes, the metres between you and Lando’s car in front dwindling with each passing second.

“0.5 seconds, 0.4 seconds…”

“Flat out, Y/N. Let’s go,” Jarv said, his own heart rate ticking up.

“She’s chasing him, with DRS… There she comes. There she comes… round the inside! Y/N overtakes Norris!” Oscar roared. “Diving into the infamous turn 14… and… and she makes it! Hell yeah! What a mega move from Y/N! Now into the final corner. Can she stay ahead of Norris? Can she…? Yes!! Yes, she can!”

You passed the chequered flag, your mouth falling open in shock.

“Y/N wins the Chinese Grand Prix!”

“OH MY GOD!!”

Jarv's laugh pierced the room. “Get in! I told you!”

He managed to stop himself just in time before he started jumping up and down like an overly excited little boy. You shared his enthusiasm though, unable to control the slight tremor in your hands at seeing your name next to the word WINNER displayed boldly on the screen in front of you. 

Holy fuck, you did it. You actually did it.

Lando sank low in his seat. “How the hell…”

Will patted him on the shoulder, consoling. “You did your best mate.”

“Clearly it wasn’t enough,” he grumbled.

Will glanced at their celebrating opponents, the corner of his mouth lifting. “Get your mind out of the gutter, mate, and look on the bright side.”

“Which is?”

“Your girlfriend just showed you the perfect overtake manoeuvre for Sunday.”

“Ha-ha, very funny…”

Although, you really did. 

Lando turned to see Jarv help you out of the simulator, still grinning from ear to ear. You were reeling, the adrenaline of the fight and win coursing through your veins. Suddenly you understood what it must feel like to come out of a real F1 car, and to stand on the podium, basking in that feeling of winning a race.

As soon as you were out, Jarv high-fived you. “Solid race. That’s some potential, that is.”

Oscar came up next. “Awesome job, Y/N. Seriously. Great overtake at the end there. Perhaps you’ll be my future teammate,” he winked.

You giggled. “Thanks, guys!”

Even Will smiled at you, giving you a thumbs up as you walked over to Lando who was still seated in the other sim, sulking.

“Oh, come on,” you pouted, reaching out your hand, a peace offering. “That was fun, wasn’t it?”

“Sure thing, it was,” he muttered, but he accepted your hand anyway before jumping out of the car. 

When he stood in front of you, he took a moment to look you up and down, a smile slowly creeping onto his face. His ego may have taken quite the blow today, but there was no denying he was also extremely proud of you. Jarv had been right after all, and Lando was happy he hadn’t taken the engineer up on his bet.

He shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe it. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises?”

You shrugged, smiling. “Need to keep things fresh and exciting, don’t I? Otherwise you’ll tire of me in no time.”

“Never,” Lando scoffed, wrapping his arm around your waist and giving your lips a soft peck. “However, as much as I’m proud of you… this footage will never see the light of day.” 

You laughed, your eyes locking with Marion.

She sent you a wink. “We’ll see about that.”

***

a/n: thank you for reading <3 feedback is adored. 

by the way, should i make a taglist for future f1 fics? is that something you’d be interested in? or perhaps for specific drivers? let me know!

also posted on ao3

[supercap2319]

"Golly gee, Cooper. I'm horny as heck!" Archie cried. He tried to do a little backseat bingo Veronica at the passion pit, but ended up getting rejected by her. "I sure do wish Ronnie'd let me cop a feel! But she's as frigid as an ice cream scoop on an Antarctic expedition! Mrmph!" He glanced at Cooper hungrily.

"So, what are you gonna do about it?" Cooper asked.

Archie leaned in closer, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Well, I was thinkin'... maybe you and me could... you know... experiment a little. Since Ronnie's not givin' me any lovin', I gotta find some... elsewhere."

"What about Betty?"

The red head waved a dismissive hand. "Aw, shucks, Betty's sweet and all, but she's just too... nice. You know? She'd probably make me wear a raincoat and promise to call her momma afterwards." He laughs. "No thanks. I need someone who's..."

"Raunchy?"

"Exactly!" Archie beamed. "Someone who knows how to have a good time without all the mushy stuff." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Whaddya say, pal? Wanna help me... unwind after all those blue balls I've been carryin' around?"

"Sure. where do we start?"

Archie grinned mischievously, "Well, first things first - let's head on over to the old abandoned barn out past the tracks. It's the perfect place for a couple of red-blooded American boys to... explore their masculinity."

"Sounds well, Daddy-O."

"Gee whiz, that's the spirit!" Archie exclaimed, opening the door to his jalopy. "Hop in, pal. We've got some... business to attend to." As you both get in, he starts the engine and peels out of the parking lot, heading towards the abandoned barn.

Cooper was buzzing with excitement as he and Archie drove towards the old abandoned barn. He couldn't wait to see what they could explore together. Archie kept casting eager glances at you as he drove, his foot heavy on the accelerator. "Say, Cooper, have you ever... y'know... fooled around with another guy before?"

Cooper shook his head. "I haven't. Ain't even been with a Dolly."

Archie's eyes widened, and he let out a low whistle. "Well, hot diggity dog! I guess today's gonna be a real eye-opener for both of us then, huh?" He parked the jalopy behind the dilapidated barn, out of sight from prying eyes. "What about you? you fool around with anyone?" Cooper asked.

Archie scratched the back of his neck, a slight blush coloring his freckled cheeks. "Aw, shucks, I mighta played around a little in the showers after football practice. Nothing too serious though! Mostly just... you know, comparin' equipment and whatnot."

"Anyone I know?"

Archie's blush deepened, and he cleared his throat. "Well, I ain't one to kiss and tell, but... let's just say my buddy Jughead's been pretty curious lately. Don't go spreadin' that around though!"

"I promise. cross my heart." Cooper crossed his heart.

[max1461]

Here is an observation of common attitudes I see in tech-adjacent spaces (mostly online).

The thing about programming/tech is, at its base, it's historically and culturally contingent. There are of course many fundamental (physical and mathematical) limitations on what a computer can and cannot do, how fast it can do things, and so on. But at least as much of the modern tech landscape is the product of choices made by people about how these machines will work, choices that very much could have been made differently. And modern computing technology is a huge tower of these choices, each resting on and grappling with the ones below it. If you're, say, a web developer writing a web app, the sheer height of this tower of contingent human decisions that your work rests on is almost incomprehensible. And by and large, programmers know this.

I am not dispensing some secret wisdom that I think tech workers don't have. On the contrary, I think the vast contingency of it all is blindingly obvious to anyone who has tried to make a computer do anything. But tech is also, well, technical, and do you know what else is technical? Science. I think this has lead to a sort of cultural false affinity, where tech is perceived, both from within and without, as more similar to science than it is to the humanities. Certainly, there are certain kinds of intellectual labor that tech shares with the sciences. But there are also, as described above, certain kinds of intellectual labor that tech shares to a much greater degree with the humanities, namely (in the broadest terms): grappling with other people's choices.

From without, I think this misplaced affinity leads people to believe that technology is less contingent than it actually is. But I think this belief would be completely untenable from within; it just cannot contend with reality. I've never met a tech worker or enthusiast who seems to think this way. Rather, I feel there is a persistent perception among tech-inclined people that science is more contingent than it actually is. I don't think this misperception rises to the level of a belief, rather I think it is more of an intuition. I think tech people have very much trained themselves (rightly, in their native context) to look at complex systems and go "how could this be reworked, improved, done differently?" I think this impulse is very sensible in computing but very out of place in, say, biology. And I suppose my conjecture (this whole post is purely conjectural, based on a gut sense that might not be worth anything) is that this is one of the main reasons for the popularity of transhumanism in, you know, the Bay. And whatnot.

I'm not saying transhumanism is actually, physically impossible. Of course it's not! The technology will, I strongly suspect, exist some day. But if you're living in 2024, I think the engineering mindset is more-or-less unambiguously the wrong one to bring to biology, at least macrobiology. This post is not about the limits of what is physically possible, it's about the attitudes that I sometimes see tech people bring to other endeavors that I think sometimes lead them to fall on their face. If you come to biology thinking about it as this contingent thing that you must grapple with, as you grapple with a novel or a codebase or anything else made by humans, I think it will make you like biology less and understand it less well.

When I was younger and a lot more naive, as a young teenager who knew a little bit about programming and nothing about linguistics, I wanted to create a "logical language" that could replace natural languages (with all their irregularities and perceived inefficiencies) for the purpose of human communication. This is part of how I initially got into conlanging. Now, with an actual linguistics background, I view this as... again, perhaps not per se impossible, but extremely unlikely to work or even to be desirable to attempt in any foreseeable future, for a whole host of rather fundamental reasons. I don't feel that this desire can survive very well upon confrontation with what we actually know (and crucially also, what we don't know) about human language.

I mean, if you want to try, you can try. I won't stop you.

Anyway, I feel that holding onto this sort of mindset too intensely does not really permit engagement with nature and the sciences. It's the same way I think a lot of per se humanities people fudge engagement with the sciences, where they insist on mounting some kind of social critique even when it is not appropriate (to be clear, I think critique of scientific practices/institutions are sometimes appropriate, but I think people whose professional training gives them an instinct to critique often take it too far).

So like, I guess that's my thesis. Coding is a humanity in disguise, and I wish that people who are used to dealing with human-made things would adopt a more native scientific or naturalist mindset when dealing with science and nature.

[that-student-that-has-homework]

The Rationality of Emotion

Al-Haitham / Reader Chapters: Chp 1 | Chp 2

Read the Full Story on Ao3 | Tumblr MasterList Here (Maybe even leave me a comment please? :3< )

Summary: Kaveh simply couldn't believe that Al-Haitham was going to marry before him! Not that ill-tempered, bullheaded, brutish excuse for a man! Not just that! The rational brute was marrying the Emotional Scholar, of all people! Rationality and Emotion? Marrying? How could this be possible?! --o-- A story in which: you just wanted help reading some runes, your parents wanted to you to marry, Al-Haitham wanted a cover story for when he went out into the desert, and Kaveh is...well...he's...he's there for you. Needless to say you're now all one big happy (?) family!

Chapter 1: Unexpected

The sun had long since set, the moon, or what of it could be seen anyway - it had phases and for all he knew it could be a new moon tonight, he’s been rather preoccupied with his latest design and hadn’t had the chance to admire the lovely glowing orb. 

Hmph. 

That annoying roommate (effectively a tyrannical landlord despite his grace in allowing him to stay with him-this man operates in paradoxes doesn’t he?) of his would argue that - actually most students would argue that the moon doesn’t in fact emit any light, rather it reflects the light of the sun and whatnot. Yes, he was very well aware, thank you very much, he’d studied elementary physics as well.

In fact he was likely more knowledgeable in physics than that linguist. He was an architect, an engineer.

Nevermind all that, what was important was that it was late and his roommate had yet to return, much to his pleasure really. It wasn’t uncommon that he’d be out late or even go for trips without warning, perhaps this was one of those blessed situations where he would be able to go for days without seeing him. Lovely.

Of course things could not always be so delightful, as the architectural genius (yes he truly was a marvel) had just about completed the application of his honey mask that he heard the door open. He’d rather not be seen with his face covered in honey, not that he really cared if that excessively confident junior of his saw him in such a state, he simply wasn’t in the mood to explain himself.

“Kaveh,” oh how unusual for him to approach him first.

“What is it? I’m busy,” the man in question said as he made sure that he had in fact covered the entirety of his face in honey.

“Is that so?” Came the unimpressed reply. “Suit yourself.”

Suit himself? What on Teyvat? Appearances be damned. Kaveh made his way out to the kitchen; he had to wash his hands and return the honey jar either way after all. Once that task was dealt with he approached his housemate who…

Where was he?

The sounds of running water from the restroom gave away the scribe’s location. Perhaps it really wasn’t all that important after all. For all he knew, Al-Haitham was probably about to inform of something truly infuriating and pointless to him.

-_-

The following week he found the parts to a new piece of furniture, a bed, in one corner of the salon. Oddly enough it was wider than the standard size, perhaps a queen sized bed? How peculiar, from what he’d witnessed of the prickly scholar he didn’t care for such extravagance. No matter, it wasn’t any of his business anyway.

The day after that the architect returned late at night to see a new pile of wood in the salon. Seems the scribe really was upgrading his furniture. Kaveh moved to inspect the craftsmanship on the wood. Al-Haitham had taste, as much as he hated to admit it. Though it was simple, it was tasteful, and would likely not go out of style any time soon.

The following night the reputable architect pulled an all-nighter at his atelier in the Akademiya, working diligently to complete a blueprint, and only managed to finally return to his shared accommodations the night after. Which coincidentally was when things truly became strange. The third room in the house, which was mostly used for storage, was now occupied with that large bed he’d seen before, a closet, and yet another pile of wood in a corner of the room.

Just what on Teyvat was going on?

No sooner had he thought that, then the door had opened, the owner of the house marching in. Excellent timing, truly, he needed an explanation for all of these changes.

“Just what is going on here?” He asked, gesturing to the former storage room.

The pleasant expression the scribe seemed to have before dropped, vanishing without a trace. Wait - pleasant expression? Unless he was reading a book, or things were going his way, that was rare. Was this all an elaborate plot to mess with him? Nevermind that!

“Isn’t it obvious?” The scribe returned.

Kaveh stared at him in silence. 

Obvious? Obvious he says? It was so deep into obscurity that there couldn’t be anything remotely obvious about it. It might as well be the Abyss!

“Had it been obvious I wouldn’t find the need to ask you, now would I?” He sighed.

“You have a tendency to ask about the obvious with little thought,” his junior shrugged, “have you given the situation any thought prior to asking?”

“I’ve given it plenty of thought,” much more than it deserved really, “I was under the impression you were changing your furniture.”

The unimpressed expression his housemate gave him was truly punchable. Clenching his fists to restrain himself from physically attacking his housemate, he continued, “however you’ve placed them in the unused room of all places, what are you planning?”

“You got that far and still didn’t find the answer?” Dear Lesser Lord Kusanali, it was taking every fibre of his being not to grab the nearest thing-a rather large volume that the irritating man had been reading recently coincidentally-and lob it straight into his head. 

The jerk had the audacity to sigh, like he was the one who was tired, “we’re going to have another person living here soon.”

“What?”

“Is it that much of a surprise?” He moved past him to the kitchen, the architect following. “I tried to inform you earlier, however you were busy.”

“When did you-” oh. That was why the scribe had uncharacteristically approached him back then.

Nevermind that though: there was a more pressing matter at hand.

“Who? ” He had to warn them, unless they absolutely, desperately needed lodging, no! Even then! It would be best if they stayed far away from someone so insufferable. Then again he was there, he’d make it all bearable-

“My wife.”

“Your what? ” The architect looked his roommate up and down as though the signs of matrimony would magically appear upon him. “You’re married?”

“Not yet,” came the calm reply.

“You’re engaged?! ” Unbelievable! “Who in Teyvat would agree to marry you?”

“To my understanding, I’m a rather attractive candidate,” the engaged scribe returned calm as ever, “I’m able-bodied, capable of providing due to my prestigious employment, and have a respectable lineage.”

“The poor girl, what sort of trickery did you resort to?” Kaveh would have to find her and ask what possessed her to make such a horrible decision.  

“Trickery? What nonsense are you babbling about?” The scribe folded his arms across his chest.

“What sane, rational lady would agree to wed you?” He marched up to him. “What kind of things did you say to her? I didn’t even think you were capable of such speech!”

The perplexed expression that usually brought him a semblance of joy only served to fan the flames of-of…uh…of confused irritation? 

Surprise? 

Goodness! 

He was a cocktail of bewildering emotions!

“If you’re insinuating I employed dishonest methods to impress my future spouse,” oh bother, he did not have the patience to deal with Al-Haitham’s temperament on a good day - let alone when he’s as deprived of sleep as he was right now, “I’ll have to advise you: choose your next words carefully.”

“You mean to tell me she was impressed by you, as you are?” The blonde scoffed, “there’s no way she knows about your temper.” He waved his hand dismissively, after all if a lady knew of…oh no. “Unless! It can’t be!”

His housemate returned his look of horror with a bored look of his own. 

“Has she been blinded by…by…by,” dear Greater Lord Rukkhadevata, he couldn’t even bring himself to say the word, “l-l-lo lo-loo-temporary affection,” he really couldn’t say it, “and is incapable of thinking rationally when it comes to you?”

He hated to admit it, but he has overheard ladies giggle and croon over Al-Haitham, on the rare occasion they would glimpse him. Well with how he dressed-nevermind that!

“She’s viewing you through a rose tinted lens?! She’s not in the right mindset to be making life decisions then,” oh he absolutely had to find her, “quickly tell me her name.”

To his greatest surprise, Al-Haitham had a rather smug, if small, smile upon his face, “well I can assure you that’s not the case,” he gestured in explanation, “my fiancee was not under the blinding influence of love, or as you put it ‘temporary affection,’” his expression only grew more smug, “we both came to the decision to marry after discussing it in depth and evaluating it rationally.”

Kaveh didn’t believe a word of that. Not for an instant. There was no way. Absolutely not. She had to be a convincing actress or something. 

“Impossible, you’re the only insufferable person who uses logic in these situations,” the architect denied, “she must be a very compelling actress.”

“In which case she would be the dishonest one,” his astute junior returned, “I hope you realize your response implies that she is so acutely infatuated with me she would actively seek to appeal to my personal preferences.”

Why this! 

“How did you arrive at that conclusion?” Disbelief contorted the architect’s pretty features into a scowl. 

The absurdity of such a notion. 

“You said she could be pretending to be rational in order to marry me. By acquiring me as a husband, she establishes an exclusive romantic claim to me and discourages most competition while maintaining leverage against the outliers. All of which would imply a very keen desire to monopolize me, hence: infatuation.”

“That’s not it at all! She could simply be in desperate need of a husband for any assortment of reasons!”

He’s been a fake lover to a lady scholar once or twice, helping them ward off unwanted attention for a while. He’d also heard some scholars complain about how their parents wishing for them to marry was getting in the way of their work. Not to mention the sheer number of scholars who married for the sake of a project or research (which was more often related to genealogy). 

There were the contract marriages of those wishing to be done with it all too. Oddly enough they were mostly successful, with feelings developing between them later.

Unfortunately this poor lady was to marry this bullheaded linguist so the chances of that were nothing short of zero, and he was being generous. On a particularly bad day Kaveh would be compelled to put that number in the negatives.

“So you mean to say you’re concerned I’m being taken advantage of?” The obstinate nuisance inquired. 

“How you arrive at these outlandish conclusions is beyond me,” Kaveh massaged his temples with one hand. 

“As is basic reasoning it would seem.”

“Excuse me?” The disrespect! 

Hmph! 

If he wants to be like that then: “you said your wife,” the poor foolish girl whom he had to rescue, “was coming to live with us.”

“Strictly speaking, given she will be mistress of this house as I am its master and she, my wife,” he spoke coolly, “you will be living with us,” 

The audacity. No matter if he was right! There were kinder ways to put it! 

Nevermind that though, “but you’re not married yet, meaning she’s your fiancée.”

“Yes.”

“Then you mean to say your fiancée is coming to live with us,” while he wasn’t usually one for semantics, he refused to yield.

“While she is currently my fiancée,” now this Haravatat scholar, definitely was a semanticist, “she won’t move in until we marry and hold the wedding ceremony. At which point she will be my wife not fiancée and as my wife she will be coming to live here, with me, as is customary of a married couple.”

“Goodness this poor girl,” well the marriage had yet to go through, “how did you manage this?”

“I proposed.”

“Clearly. No one’s going to propose to you,” Kaveh had so many questions, “But what drove you to propose?”

“Her openness to marriage, obviously” Al-Haitham’s tone revealed just how stupid he thought the inquiry was.

“That’s not-” the blonde sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose, goodness he was much too tired for this, “nevermind, who is she?”

“You’ll be meeting her soon enough.”

Ugh. As much as he wanted to save the girl, he was running at fumes and this stubborn ox of a man was not going to budge. Regrettably. 

“When is the wedding? I better be invited.”

“Yes of course,” he gestured noncommittally, “I wouldn’t dare think to exclude my own housemate.”

By the tone he was using it was clear he had considered not inviting him.

–

Kaveh felt he needed to air his grievances about this current dilemma to someone who would be able to fully understand the gravity of the situation. He was also in desperate need of inspiration, so he decided a trip to the Avidya Forest was necessary. He’d be able to kill two birds with one stone that way.

“Al-Haitham? You mean the scribe?” Tighnari’s puzzled expression brought the blonde a sense of calm.

“Yes!” Kaveh responded eagerly. “To think someone so insufferable would!” He paused in the middle of his tirade. “Who could possibly subject themselves to such misery?”

Collei, bless her, the sweet girl, came by with some fresh tea and some snacks at that moment. Her master was quick to take them off her hands, with only a small complaint from her.

“Is Al-Haitham really so bad?” She couldn’t help her curiosity.

She was fortunately spared the misery of having to meet the insufferable scholar. Kaveh couldn’t be any more thankful, truly.

“I’ve told you about what it’s been like living with him,” the architect accepted the little handleless tea cup with its plate that the forest ranger offered him, “and this is just a temporary arrangement caused by extreme circumstances. This girl is about to be permanently stuck in this situation!”

“I imagine her situation will be different from yours given she’ll be his wife,” the proficient botanist offered a cup to his pupil.

“Regardless!” Kaveh continued. “I just want to know who would be so tasteless? so blind? Who could despise themselves so much as to marry Al-Haitham?”

“Hmm, I think you’re asking the wrong question,” came the pensive response of the forest watcher. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’m more interested in why he decided to get married,” Tighnari gestured, as he returned to his seat, “he doesn’t seem like the type to particularly enjoy company.”

The blonde paused. 

Truthfully that was curious.

As Tighnari had said: Al-Haitham conducted himself in a manner to ward people off. He wasn’t the type to engage in conversations for the sake of fostering friendships.

“How did this happen?” The curious architect wondered aloud. “Then again he is a man. Perhaps this is just a means to that end?”

“There are alternate solutions that are less work than marriage,” the long-eared fellow rebutted.

“This is true, however,” Kaveh squinted at nothing, frowning, “if we assess this with the rationality he’s obsessed with.”

“Oh. Then I could see why he’d consider it.”

“Yes, rather than regularly exerting effort on varying conquests that could each bring about their own problems,” the blonde pinched the rim of his tea cup, lifting it to his lips, “in this case his conquest resides in his house, requiring little effort.”

“And there would be less complications should these ‘conquests’ result in children,” the ranger added, “though there are contraceptive methods and herbs according to the literature.”

“That is a horrifying thought,” the architect shook his head.

“What is?” One of Tighnari’s ears tilted slightly to one side as if in question, before a laugh emerged from him. “Oh you mean Al-Haitham having kids?”

Kaveh simply nodded.

“Well there’s no guarantee they’ll inherit his personality, they might get their mother’s,” the botanist mused.

“Assuming her personality is radically different,” the blonde leaned back, “according to Al-Haitham he and she decided to get married after assessing it logically.”

“No two people are exactly alike, you know.”

“True, true,” he sat up again in a pensive stance, “now that you’ve mentioned it: it is curious who could have managed to earn his approval.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough,” Tighnari refilled Kaveh’s tea cup.

“I’ll let you know when I do.”

-_-

The Light of Kshahrewar returned to Sumeru City shortly after, full of inspiration, and even more questions.

The reclusive bookworm of a scribe…yes…who could possibly…draw his attention? Who could possibly be deemed as compatible? Possibly a person of mild temperament? Who knew?

At his atelier, the architect was very pleased to be graced with the presence of a certain Vahumana scholar, to whom he could rant endlessly about every architectural style in history. Yes, this historian was a rapt listener who delighted in the knowledge he offered and often contributed some fascinating facts as well. Facts which sometimes inspired his imagination.

A dear acquaintance.

He’d been in the middle of talking about the architecture and the engineering employed by the ancient desert civilization prior to the destruction caused by the Archon War and whatnot, when the topic of a rumored tomb dedicated to the wife of some king or another came up. 

To his surprise, he did not receive the awe and adoration he’d expected. The response was tame, and mostly curious, bordering on suspicious as the tale seemed unfamiliar to this particular historian. Not that there was any doubting Kaveh’s little fun fact! Not at all! But kings that doted on their wives were few and far between usually.

“You must admit that the notion of a man loving his wife enough to dedicate a great architectural wonder to her is a romantic one though,” the architect insisted.

“It makes for a romantic tale no doubt,” the delightful scholar smiled in concession.

“I sense there is a ‘however’ in your statement,” Kaveh folded his arms across his chest and leaned back.

“Well,” that was a rather tentative tone, “I suppose I could be overly cynical, there is an extensive library of love poems dedicated by men to their lovers.”

The architect felt his previous joy return. Ah if only Al-Haitham were so easy to reason with!

“In all honesty, I am more interested as to how this temple and the theory of it being dedicated to a king’s beloved wife came about,” ah yes spoken like a true Vahumana scholar! “I wonder what analyses and artifacts they excavated to arrive at such a conclusion.”

He hadn’t looked into it much beyond the conjectured blueprints, which were stunning - make no mistake! So, he didn’t have an answer to that. 

Oh well.

At least his enthusiasm regarding how romantic the notion was reciprocated. While the initial response betrayed his expectations: he was delighted that his point of view was now as appreciated as it ought to be. 

After all, who wouldn’t enjoy such a romantic gesture.

Oh.

He knew who.

Al-Haitham.

Hmm…perhaps he could do with a feminine opinion.

“I’d like your opinion on something,” he asked after a short lull in the conversation.

“Yes?”

“My roommate recently mentioned he’s getting married,” he paused staring at some random tile as he gathered his thoughts, “he mentioned he and his fiancée had come to the agreement to marry logically.”

Well that was a strangely awkward look he was receiving, “do you actually believe that?”

“I think people should not neglect rationality when trying to choose a spouse,” he could not believe thi- “though some attraction is also necessary.”

“You mean to say,” Kaveh took a moment to better articulate his thoughts, “love is not necessary when marrying?”

“Which form of love are you talking about?” Goodness, where did the past agreeability go? 

Ah yes! He’d forgotten a critical fact: Vahumana scholars could be just as semantic as Haravatat scholars.

His attention was brought back to the current conversation with a sigh, “I apologize Kaveh, I don’t have the energy needed for this kind of discussion today.”

Oh? Well he could understand that, it was getting to be later in the day, he’d been considering either returning home or heading out to eat.

“A rational conclusion to marry is okay in the presence of subtle attraction,” was the verdict he received.

How astonishing. He’d have expected more weight to be attributed towards emotion. After all sat before him was none other than-ah no he knew better than to use that insulting moniker.

Still he’d expected this scholar to share in his opinion. To stress the importance of love in establishing a relationship. It was strange that the opinion presented was closer to that of Al-Haitham’s. He’d never have expected it.

The well dressed artist blinked himself back into reality when a fancy looking envelope appeared in his peripheral.

“I’d originally intended to give this to you and leave you in peace,” Kaveh found himself receiving a sheepish smile, “however your discussion about the recovered architectural techniques pre-dating the archon war was enthralling! I really enjoyed it! Thank you for telling me about it!” 

The Light of Kshahrewar himself, warmed up at the appreciation expressed. With a final farewell he was left to his own devices.

Naturally his first instinct was to open the envelope. Such fancy stock, was this perhaps a confession? While the feelings wouldn’t exactly be mutual…the architect wouldn’t deny him entertaining the thought of such a relationship following a confession. Besides he could never blame anyone who found him attractive, he- 

“You are Cordially Invited to Attend the Wedding of Al-Haitham and-”

He pushed the card back down, closing the flap of the envelope. Closing his eyes and shaking his head he pulled out the card yet again…

“You are Cordially Invited to Attend the Wedding of Al-Haitham and-”

He once again put the invite into its envelope and closed the flap.

It was a wonder his eyeballs didn’t fall out of their sockets.

The mystery lady, the poor pitiful girl, his target for rescue…

Of all people… 

Al-Haitham was marrying YOU?!

[lowkeyrobin]

MCYT ; you ride a bike

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, & quackity

warnings ; language

I love passenger princessing my mom on her trike so here's this

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he's absolutely mortified to get on the back with you at first

you convince him to just ride him around the neighborhood nice and slow and he over time gets used to it because you suggest going short distances on it rather than taking a bus and stuff

he grows on it though

his helmet has some stickers on it, one literally says tommyinnit.store in bold font 💀💀💀

either holds on the sidebars thatre there for him to hold or around your waist

he finds the wind against him therapeutic

the butterflies when you turn around and ask if he's okay, especially when it's dark and cold

constantly snapping jack, freddie & tubbo pictures of him on your bike/riding around with you/where you go

posts a lot of pictures on his Instagram

most of them are you & the scenery

"do you wanna learn how to drive a bike?"

"no???"

he unironically loves shouting at shit drivers who cut you off or try to get you killed

"WATCH IT ASSHOLE! YOU ALMOST GOT US KILLED, USE A BLINKER NEXT TIME!"

loves going over bridges

if he has somewhere to be after a ride, he'll gladly show up with his hair a mess and ass hurting since you need to put a few more pounds of air in his seat LMAO

"okay, so-"

"Tommy, why are you limping?"

RANBOO

he's 50/50 on being scared and wanting to get on with you

they man up and just do it after lots of reassuring

so many pictures lmao

litters his helmet with stickers and white marker doodles

has a sticker of the boober particle + one that just says ranboo.fashion in comic sans

he finds the air against him very therapeutic

loves going down backroads and finding new restaurants

always taking pictures, mostly of you

loves wearing his R800 jacket cause it keeps him warm + free promo

makes "I'll jump off rn" jokes

likes spreading his arms out like an eagle and will yell over the engine LMAO

loves bumps even though they'll hurt immediately after

FREDDIE BADLINU

you ask if he wants to come and he shrugs with a yeah

his first ride was at night so he got to enjoy all the lights and night life

takes a bunch of pictures and videos and sends them to Bill or Tommy

changes his insta bio to "my biker partners passenger prince" + bonus points if that's how he softlaunches your relationship

convinces you to go through a drive thru

eating lunch in the sun was a 10/10, will do it again

takes some cute pictures at stops/lights where he's leaning onto you a bit and he holds the phone in front of you to get both of you

wears dumbass hoodies/jackets w the dumb shit on the back to make ppl look at him weird or smile a bit

he'll show up to Tommy's live show (part of the bit) with messy hair and come on stage and tommy will look at him confused

Freddie asks him what's wrong and tommy just points and circles around his hair and the crowd laughs

"I was with my partner"

cue the laughing

"wait what?" Tommy laughs

"we were riding around the city before we got here, sorry"

NIKI NIHACHU

she thinks it's so cool, trust me

but like Tommy, she's very nervous to get on at first

you take her for a little ride around a parking lot and she's like "Okay I liked that let's actually go now"

her helmet has all sorts of stickers on it, but they're placed to look cool

there's a snake hide looking one down the middle and some cool patterned ones on the sides

she loves the wind in her hair and the feeling of being free

loves taking pictures of the scenery and even using you as a model

loves posting those pictures online for her fans to see

her editor fans always edit the pictures you two take together when you're out and about and whatnot it's so cool

you custom made her a leather jacket that fit her aesthetic

and she's super attached to it

she'll change her insta bio to "that one biker chicks girlfriend" LMAO

she spoils you like you're the one with the large social media platform its adorable

ALEX QUACKITY

"SINCE WHEN THE HELL DID YOU RIDE A BIKE???"

he thinks it's really badass tho

he'll gladly jump on with you

he's honestly scared after getting on but loses the fear pretty quickly

lovesss holding his arms out like a bird it's so fun to him

constantly asking you to tighten his helmet LMFAO

he finds it really entertaining in general

although if he's not wearing a full face covering helmet and wearing one of the head covering ones, you'll have to listen to his wailing later

his hair isn't long enough to completely pull back and the wind obviously tangles it up bad

so you gotta sit him down and try and carefully like de-matte his hair

he loves taking pictures and posting them tho, especially ones of you LMAO

sometimes he'll go the extra mile to give it a corny caption too

you change his insta bio to "passenger prince of the year"

always feels a little special and giggly when you ask if he's okay, especially when it's getting darker and much colder

"I told you to just wear the-"

"I know! please just do it for me! it hurts!"

"either grow your hair out or wear the other, lex"

[tearwolfe]

NEW AU NEW AU NEW AU IM GOING INSANE IYS ALSO ONE OF MY FAV SETS OH MY GOD I LOVE LIFR I LOGE YIU

HEHE YES!! i mostly combined emu4 set and rui2 set for them, with more of a focus on emu's card set.. i think they're so cute.

taking this opportunity to ramble about my ideas for the AU!!

the otoris are a big name in the world, they are involved in a lot of commmerce n stuff. the tenmas are a pretty rich family, so they work with the otoris a lot. tsukasa was a performer, doing skits and tricks and whatnot for entertainment. he had a lot of fun. he was hired by the otoris around 15 y/o to be an entertainer for the family, particularly for their daughter, emu! they became really close friends and would get into mischeif together.

when tsukasa was older, he began getting sick a lot but he mostly just ignored it. it got to the point where he fainted while doing a stunt on stage and got into a pretty severe accident with his leg. sorry tsukasa.

he had to retire from his performances to recover and just became really depressed about it. the otoris hired a specialized mechanic to work with him for his prosthetic, and that's where rui comes in!

rui is an engineer/inventor/mechanic wiz kid guy. he's like a weird elf thing, not quite sure what's up with that. he's proficient at making mechanized inventions for specific purposes. the otoris hiring him was a huge opportunity due to the pay, room and board, and just the name behind it.

nene also exists but i need to figure out what she's up to. i think i'll make her an elf.

i've been rolling this idea around in my brain for a little while.. sort of a theme of healing and friendship and love. you know the drill

[viktor-leagueoflegends]

(I hope this is okay to send but this feels like an appropriate space to let this out) I was already worried when Arcane became canon and most people (except the small group of actual league lore fans) were mostly happy and I think at the time I could almost forgive people dismissing lore fans concerns by claiming Arcane would be approvement over the current lore, because I do genuinely like Arcane season 1 and I understood where they were coming from. But now that season 2s out and it sucks and the viktor vgu's out and I see every arcane fan praise it despite not actually playing league, I just feel so upset? Like I understood defending Arcane's canonicity and overhauling the main lore when only season 1 was out because at least Arcane was actually pretty good but now, not only does it suck but it also just alters things about canon?? Like great, old viktors just gone now and I feel like everyone I see online is cheering or acting like you're a homophobe if you don't like him. Like sorry, as a bi twink, I still think his VGU sucks and is a massive downgrade and that his skins shouldn't have been changed so heavily (i wish they at least preserved the original look through a skin or something)

Thank you for your work . Looking at your blogs made me feel a lot better and I really appreciate the archiving

Hi, thanks for the ask! And yeah, totally fine to send stuff like this here. 

I know exactly what you mean about being worried from the point of Arcane becoming canon, I’ve kind of felt a looming sense of dread about this IP since then and a sort of “...There’s no way they actually go through with it, right?” just because it causes so many logistical issues for a lore that's been built on top of over the years and to change that foundation is.... tricky, to say the least.

I think from the end of arcane 1 there was a possibility of a machine herald overhaul that, yk i wouldn’t be happy with but would be tantamount to the 2011 into 2016 rework where he still maintains the characteristics of being an engineer cyborg and whatnot. And I’d be like “Ok, now I’m in the same boat as the 2011’s, it happens, I’ll cope.”

But this overhaul into something just so completely unrelated, to the point they’re renaming him Herald of the Arcane… it feels bad! It feels really really bad! And like you said, seeing people praise it because they never gave a shit about Viktor and the space he occupies in league sucks major! It’s actively detrimental to the health of the overall lore because it’s going to be SO much work to retcon and many champions are getting caught in the crossfire! All this to try and cashgrab from arcanes!

And ur so right it's honestly so crazy to me the way people are defending the decision. As if it isnt so obviously a half-assed rush job to meet the Arcane deadline. Like. This rework is bad! It is incredibly lazy from the skins to the kit changes! And people are acting like it’s good like no way you consider this a successful rework right. They did fuckall to the kit and made most skins worse. You can ask for better I promise you. But yeah the terrain of the reception to this VGU is wild. Here's hoping we can get some kind of compromise.

And I'm glad the archive has helped. I know I've spent time just mashing the random post until I feel better. Really all I wanted was for this to be a resource for LeagueViktor fans and I'm happy it's doing that.

[rory-multifandom-mess]

Idea; Thad and the MD Gang as Cybertronians during the Golden Age, pre-civil war

This is a really good idea but i’m really bad at coming up with Cybertronian names.

I can see Lizzy’s name being something along the lines of Glamour. Her alt mode would be something sleek and something other bots would consider sexy. I can imagine her being something of a celebrity like IDW Blurr, but like… She’d be a cybertronian model with body guards and everything, especially as the Decepticons become more and more of a threat as they edge toward the civil war.

THIS ENDED UP REALLY LONG BECAUSE OF BRAINSTORMING. More under the cut including lore that I thought of on the spot !!!

Thad would also be something of a celebrity for not only good looks but also sports, like maybe he’s one of the best Cube players (that sport Hot Shot was obsessed with in Rescue Bots Academy.) His alt mode would be some sleek sports car. His agent(s) (and Lizzy/Glamour) would try to tell hm to get bodyguards once the Decepticon threat starts to get bigger, but he’d deny it. One traumatic experience later… Anyway. Maybe his name would originally be Glitz since him and Lizzy/Glamour are twins, but then he’d later change it to like… Starblitz popped into my head. Or like, Shootingstar... Nah, Iike Starblitz more.

Uzi… hmm. She’d either be a mnemosurgeon like Chromedome (memory surgeon, basically), or a Metallurgist like Swerve was. NO NO WAIT. She’s a weapons expert, like Brainstorm, with a passing interest in other sciences like Mnemosurgery, Metallurgy, mechanics, and engineering. And maybe some medical stuff because she likes knowing how cybertronians tick. So she dabbles in a lot of stuff and is a little unhinged. I imagine before the war breaks out she was mostly looking into mechanics, but when the Decepticon threat starts rising and tensions start to grow, she switches to making weapons n’ whatnot. And once the war breaks out, through unknown means, she kinda turns into like… a techno-organic and her alt mode goes from vehicle and forced into bat. Her original name would be like…. uuuh. Mechawire maybe, as a nod to her love for mechanics and stuff, or… maybe something with Smoke. Sautersmoke. Something like that. I told you, horrible at names LMAO. Anyway, once she turns into a Technoorganic, her name would change. Something with bat in it. Mechabat would be the easy way out

I feel like Doll’s name would be easy. Keep the Doll part and add a prefix/suffix. Like uhhh. Sirendoll or something. I could also see Eclipse being a good name for her too. She’d have Skywarp’s cool teleporting ability and she and Lizzy/Glamour would be girlfriends <3. At least until Doll/Eclipse dies in the war/while tensions are rising. Maybe…. maybe there’s an assassination attempt on Glamour, but a bodyguard tackles her out of the way, leading to the bullet meant for her to hit Eclipse in the spark instead. Yeah Glamour is gonna be going THROUGH it in this AU/Crossover

Now for the Dissassembly Drones + Cyn :3

So I think they’re all originally, yknow, normal bots. N, V, and J would all be bodyguards, and Cyn would yknow, just be a normal sparkling figuring out what she wants to be when she gets old enough. And, get this. She wants to be a body guard, like her big brother (N), because she looks up to him.

J, aka Codeblue (the color is important later), would be assigned to a senator to protect.

V, aka Blackrose, would be assigned to protect Glamour. (I imagine she’d be the one to tackle her out of the way of the assassination attempt)

N, aka Goldenreciver (get it? I’m so clever), would be like, jumping assignments. All of the bots who get assigned with him, from senator to celebrity to other people of significance, complain that he talks to much or is too friendly— basically they don’t trust him to do his job (hello self worth and self image issues)

and Cyn, who I’m just putting her here for her name, would be Syntax. Because it can be shortened to Syn, so it’s close to Cyn. I’m so clever.

Anyway. These four know each other, but their relationships are similar to how they are in canon. Goldenreciever loves Syn like a sister and she loves him like a brother, Goldenreceiver and Blackrose have MASSIVE crushes on each other, though Blackrose kinda finds Syntax weird, and Codeblue just Hates All Of Them (its a front) and is specifically incredibly rude to Goldenreciever. And they all have the same personalities as they did in the manor. While Blackrose is incredibly shy and softspoken, she’s a damn good bodyguard

But WAIT. There’s MORE.

When the civil war broke out, the Deceptions (probably the seekers) separated them from their assigned people and kidnapped them, including Syn.

For Goldenreciever, they like... half shadowplayed him. They cleared all of his memories, but they let him keep his personality. Because of Blackrose and Codeblue.

They almost Shadowplayed Blackrose and Codeblue, but the two of them struck a deal. If they pledge their allegiance to Megatron and Megatron alone, they would keep their memories and everything, and N could keep his personality and be allowed to stay relatively normal. That's right! Much like canon V, Blackrose's personality doesn't change because of tampering, it changes because of trauma!! Anyway, Codeblue would tell you the only part of the deal she cared about was to keep her own memories safe.

And then there's Syn. They completely shadowplayed and empurata'd her, basically giving her the IDW Senator Shockwave treatment. From friendly happy fembot to menacing and terrifying and unforgiving and deadly. Her design would likely be akin to TFP Soundwave, though her head would resemble the Solver cameras we see in Murder Drones

They each get name changes, repaints, and alt mode changes (mostly Jets) after their procedures. Goldenreceiver -> Skydemon (Because I think it would be incredibly silly if there was a Decepticon called Skydemon and he turns out to just be incredibly silly and naive. Deadly, but friendly. y'know.) Blackrose -> Rosethorn Codeblue -> Codered (see I told you the color was important)

And for Syn?

Her name changes to SOLVER.

BOOM MIC DROP.

Ok that's all for now. I need to lock in on school work. More later. Maybe. No guarantees.

[starrymako]

Some adult designs for my absolute favs.. hehe (Mostly related to my own lil AU of Tweek x Craig’s future!)

I spent a lot of time working on them! probably my biggest project yet, haha. I had so much fun designing! I really wanted to keep their signature colors so I did my best!

Here’s some information about each character I have thought of while designing them! (adding below the cut)

Tweek Tucker

27 | 5′7 | Manager of Tweek Bros. Coffee | Happily Married

Tweek has been the manager of Tweek Bros. Coffee since graduating high school. He worked hard in order to help support his and Craig’s bills while Craig focused on his engineering studies. (Both wanted to move out quickly and be on their own instead of living at home.)

Tweek is extremely close with Tricia, the two frequently text each other / make plans to hang out. He even hired her to work at the coffee shop when she needed to make extra money during school!

When he’s not working at the coffee shop, Tweek writes and records his own music from home. He has a large following on social media for his music! (I hc he writes love songs based on his relationship with Craig.)

He became obsessed with self-care after Bebe, Wendy, Nichole, and Tricia introduced him to skincare routines during high school. He was one of the few boys who had the best complexion.

(Tweek also started wearing cherry flavored lip balm around this time.. Craig likes the flavor when they kiss LMAO)

Tweek paints his nails to avoid biting them, but he still bites them during his most anxious days.

He managed to cut back on coffee significantly after high school, and is able to sleep better because of it. (Also because he and Craig sleep better together in their very own bed!)

Tweek has a picture of Craig in his engineering suit hanging in the Tweek Bros. coffee shop next to his grandfather.

Craig Tucker

27 | 6′1 | aerospace engineer | Proud Husband

Craig decided to study engineering in order to work for NASA after college. For awhile, he felt guilty about Tweek working long hours at his parents coffee shop in order to support them. However, with the encouragement from Tweek and his family, Craig made it a point to study hard and later return the favor after graduating.

Craig proposed to Tweek almost immediately after high school, but the two didn’t get married until Craig graduated from college. They managed to save enough money for a decently sized venue and 

On lunch breaks, Craig likes to send flowers to Tweek Bros. to surprise his husband.. Though Tweek gets frustrated because he always does this during rush hour at the shop.

As much as Craig likes to fluster Tweek by buying gifts, he’s always blindsided by Tweek serenading him when he gets home from work.

In his free time, he likes to build things for their three guinea pigs at home, or work on his motorcycle. 

Craig keeps a picture of Tweek in his engineering suit and brags about his husband to his coworkers.

Craig still makes time to hang out with Clyde, Tolkien, and Jimmy on his weeks off.

Wendy Testaburger

27 | 5′5 | Harvard Alumni | The Smart One

Wendy first studied in Denver after high school, but later finished her P.HD at Harvard. She broke up with Stan during high school and has been focusing on herself and her education since.

Wendy frequently returns to South Park to visit her friends and family. She is still considered as Bebe’s best friend and the two are almost always hanging out.

Wendy was asked to be a bridesmaid at Tweek and Craig’s wedding and played a huge part at organizing the venue.

(One day Tweek called her frantic and stressed out over planning, and she made it a point to find the perfect venue / organized guest lists and whatnot so Tweek could catch a break.)

She takes pride in her appearance, and is probably the most elegantly dressed in her friend group.

Nichole Daniels

27 | 5′4 | Competitive Gamer | Social Butterfly

Nichole is a social media personality who focuses on beauty, video/board games, and the environment. She goes to school to eventually work in marketing!

Nichole attends various gaming events in both South Park and Denver, and her teammates consider her to be the most compassionate (and competitive) player. 

(Eric Cartman is her biggest hater, but she easily floors him in every game they decide to play at their local game center.)

Nichole was one of the few who stayed in South Park during her first few semesters in college. She decided to stick with community college to get her basics done while also managing her social media. It worked out well and she was able to save a lot of money for university.

I hc Nichole being that super smart, pretty, and friendly student who gets good grades without trying. LOL

Nichole becomes friends with Tricia Tucker during high school since she always came with Tweek to Wendy’s or Bebe’s house. The two like to go jogging together in the mornings.

Tricia Tucker

23 | 5′9 | Barista | Pilates Queen

Tricia is the tallest girl on her volleyball team during high school and is later given scholarships to play professionally in college. She is very athletic and is almost always seen wearing her leggings and sneakers around town.

She is almost always seen with a resting bitch face, however is always smiley around Tweek or her best friend, Karen McCormick. (They are also the only two she frequently texts on a daily basis.) Craig gets annoyed sometimes when he comes home from work to find Tricia on his couch talking to Tweek.. especially if it’s on a night where they have a date planned.

Tricia works at Tweek Bros. Coffee during the summers, mainly because she likes spending time with her brother-in-law and also because it’s a lax job. LOL 

She is the literal queen of sarcasm. Any snide remark that comes her way, she retorts with an even bigger insult.

Tweek had to scold her a few times for treating rude customers bad.. even though he finds it funny when they are taken aback by her comments.

Bebe Stevens

27 | 5′6 | Makeup Artist | Complete Diva

Bebe works as a makeup artist for various clients. She can pull off literally any look her customers desire. She is always on Coonstagram posting her artistry and has over a million followers both there and on TikTok. 

Tweek considers Bebe his best friend, and she was chosen as his maid of honor for his wedding. She helped him pick out dresses and makeup looks for the bridesmaids.

The morning of his wedding, he was so distraught over his skin looking paler than usual (due to stress) and Bebe saved the day by giving him a natural look.

Bebe is the main reason why Tweek became passionate for skincare / taking better care of his body. (Aside from Craig, but Bebe had a hands on solution for Tweek to use himself.)

Bebe has an on and off relationship with Clyde throughout high school, but as adults she discovers she truly loves him and they eventually get together permanently.

She’s also a supportive gf and wears shoes from Clyde’s shoe store in her instagram posts, tagging him and sharing business.

Bebe switches her style a lot, especially if trends change. She favors a more alternative look for the most part.

Clyde Donovan

27 | 5′6 | Business Owner | Professional Crybaby 

Clyde went to college for business and advertising in order to gain experience and knowledge in being a business owner, though slacked off way more than he should have in the beginning. Jimmy and Tolkien had to knock some sense into him when he almost flunked out of college because of his bad grades.

He brought them up, though! And managed to get a business degree.

Clyde dated several girls out of college, (most of them suspiciously looking or acting similar to Bebe..) but the relationships never went anywhere. He was almost always looking at Bebe’s Coonstagram feed for updates in her life, despite the two talking every week. 

Eventually, they hang out again in person while Bebe is in town and the two get together again later on.

He used to get annoyed when people called him chunky in school, but later grew indifferent after playing football and getting praise for being the best quarterback on the team.

He definitely has the “I peaked in high school” vibe when he brags about his high school football scores.

Clyde sometimes helps Craig work on his motorcycle if Craig helps him with his car troubles. haha

Jimmy Valmer

27 | 5′7 | Comedian | Beef King

Jimmy majored in fine arts and traveled the country doing comedy skits. Throughout his time in college and travels, Jimmy had several partners and was widely known as a heart throb. He can charm anyone with his witty remarks and jokes.

Jimmy is close friends with Timmy and returns to South Park to visit him on regular holidays.

Jimmy, Timmy, Tolkien, Clyde, Craig, and Tweek used to work out together, but Clyde eventually stopped going after high school and Craig would get mad when Jimmy benched heavier weights than him in petty contests. (Though Craig isn’t malicious, but Jimmy made him look the fool several times in front of Tweek, which embarrassed him.)

Jimmy is packin’ all the muscle and isn’t afraid to show it.

Jimmy and Tricia form an unlikely bond during the preparations for Tweek and Craig’s wedding. She even helped Jimmy come up with the best witty remarks during his speech in case Craig came up with a snarky response.

Tolkien Black

27 | 6′3 | Criminal Justice Major | The Voice of Reason

Tolkien studied criminal justice in university and graduated at the top of his class. He played college football on the side while also being part of several clubs in the process. He is considered a well rounded student with high goals and ambitions.

Tolkien stopped dating Nichole after high school due to their difficult schedules clashing, and being long distance. The two remained close friends afterwards, and always make time to catch up if they see each other back home in South Park.

Tolkien still has deep feelings for her, especially since she’s become so independent and carefree during their time apart. (If he’s in the area and Nichole has a game tournament, he attends to cheer her on like the simp he is. LOL)

Craig, Tolkien, Tweek, and Jimmy have a particular interest in reading and have their own little book club of fantasy / sci-fi related books they exchange to read.

Tolkien won’t admit it, but he enjoys reading fantasy romance novels and poetry.

Tolkien is the only friend out of Craig’s group who actually gives good advice. When Craig and Tweek or Bebe and Clyde fight, Tolkien is always the one who points out where the issues start.

Though, despite giving good advice, he has a hard time listening to his own advice. LOL

[fluffle-writes]

I’ve noticed for several characters in your weird core au, they have different textured skin, like Kalim’s sandy looking textrue, and Lilia looks like wood or bone! Is there anything to that or just design choice? (I figured Kalim would leave sand everywhere which Jamil has to clean up or something!)

Weirdcore AU Masterlist Here!

Ooh, yeah! I'm probably going to make sure all of the characters have their appearance altered like that (beastmen with fur, Ace with his cards - which he can use to cheat in card games haha, Deuce will probably have something more mechanical like an engine since he likes Blastcycles!)

I feel like it's mostly a design choice - it makes the rest of their bodies feel more cohesive with the design I guess. Plus, it lets me build off of it by being able to worldbuild alongside the design choices (like, I feel like Lilia could have wood-like chitinous plating on his limbs as armour, which helped him in battles in the past!)

Also, the lack of normalcy even in the textures of their skin can lend even more to the Weirdcore effect! Although, I'll probably end up opting to have some characters obscure their appearances (like Rook's face) since I may have trouble figuring out what to do for them haha.

There are some details I feel like I miss out on adding because of the way I do things - it can be limiting if I want to add more inhuman body structures and whatnot - but I can always create new designs and addendums in the future to add onto stuff!

And Kalim is made up of sand-like gold particles! (like, the precious metal) which would likely be worse for Jamil to keep clean, haha! I feel like he'd shed more when he's overexcited or really stressed - essentially when he's feeling strong emotions. His appearance could likely also be quite malleable, but he'd tend to stick to being him! This could also feed into the fact that he's kidnapped a lot, as the precious materials that make up his body may be very rare, and he's a perpetual source of them!

[apollos-olives]

as I am sad and sick I would like to hear some nice things. Is there any Palestinian flora/fauna you wish everyone could see?

(Personally I'm a biiiiiig fan of the cedars as a tree lover, but I've never been fortunate enough to see one in person 😭 cedrus libani... I will visit you one day...)

i hope you feel better soon!!

i don't know much about flowers in general but palestinians are very big on fruits. most palestinians grow a few fruit trees around their houses, and if they own some acres then they often have stuff like olive trees or palm trees. whenever you go to a downtown of a city, you can usually find stands upon stands of fresh fruits and flowers and whatnot. we're really also into nuts, and we spice and season nuts as a snack as well.

my grandpa has a small house in jericho, and he grows many trees of fruits around his home. he mostly grows figs, which are usually ripe when we come over so we can pick them right off the tree and eat it there. he also grows tiny oranges (?), about the size of a curled up pinky i think. you can usually pick them off the tree or bush and pop the whole thing in your mouth, even with the peel. it's kinda tart and i didn't like it very much, with it's textures and whatnot. i don't actually know if it's an orange, but it's definitely some sort of citrus. my dad said it might be called "kumquats" in english, but i just now got off the phone with my family in nablus and they said they called it "chinese oranges" in arabic lol. no one really knows what they're called but that's something that is easily grown around.

we have a LOT of palm trees, and usually if you're driving around the area you can come across many fields of palm trees and find dates. you can eat them before they're "ripe", when they're more round and yellow, and they're very sweet and delicious. in jericho, up on the mountain of the temple, you can look down on the city and see very long fields of dates being harvested. usually their harvesting season is around august/september (which means jesus would've been born in the summer since mary ate ripe dates when she birthed jesus lol), so if you go during the summer (by the way. jericho is BOILING during the summer. lowest place on earth, boiling hot. our car engine fucking MELTED WHILE WE WERE DRIVING) then you can find some really good fresh dates being served.

we just really love our fruits

[thebnha-auhoard]

I've got another idea! Or rather, recycling an old idea of mine. AU where Yoichi was a villain on All for One's side. However, he accidentally locked himself into the vault while cleaning it, and Second and Third mistook him for a prisoner.

It seemed like just a storage unity, but even not knowing about enginering of builds it still rang as a strange thing, to be locketed almost air tight, not even the ventilation being apparent in any way, and yet. Yoichi haven't suffocated to death like server rooms are supposed to do to you.

And yet, there was a one way deliver system of storage, mostly food reserves? Yoichi knew it shouldn't be here, and yet from the days alone it was a small blessing.

And most surprising of all, no one have yet to come and open this "vault" to search for anything, least of all him, co-operator of said facility and organization!

Attacking a stale bread isn't enough, Yoichi needed to punch someone and tear them apart with his claws, which should be still in his vacated room and yet no one has come-.

All for One may be precautious about giving him quirks, but they were usefull and his brother wasn't even using them right, but Yoichi senses are superior of a normal human, and the reserve quirk was very usefull in the bountifull of times of being chained to a bed he had to endure.

Anyway, it is so that Yoichi knows there are sounds behind the bank door, knows that finally someone has come looking for him!

It is unfortunate that two days before one of that times of chained bed rest has struck him down to the cold ground, and Yoichi would not confess that despair was turning in his gut, the old fear of a simple cold taking his life not being danmpened by being by his brother side.

So he turned slowly, imagining it is like a lion caughting interest in the new intrusion on his territory before mauling things to shreds, to the door.

He squinted his eyes at the new light after so long in cofortable darkness, hesitating on the planned leer at the incompetents that just now found him. Yoichi wasn't like All for One, wasn't one to wave at those that do work for them, he knows the tropes! They could not afford a coup, so he knew every "employee" that worked with them.

The two being haloed by the lights, even only seeing their sillhoutte, definetly did not work or belong there. Yoichi would know if anyone like that(pink? handsome? fierce eyed?) were there, and that made him freeze for a moment long.

Enough it seems for Yoichi to blink and the two be besides him now. Breathing out, he knew what some expressions meant, worry, resentment, but the glint and flint in their eyes? That was new, something like that felt like pity in his chest, and as a biter hisser child, that was his reaction to any of that.

It is unfortunate that this case of hissing sounded more like out of breath lung hissing even at his ears.

"Kudou-"

"We don't leave prisoners Bruce."

Prisoners?

Yoichi shoot his most withering glare at the two, but he couldn’t hold it for long as coughing racked through him.

When he could see again, there was a hand extended to him, and there Yoichi believed that he was in a fever dream, because there was no way he was blushing as this man pulled him to his feet.

Yoichi could rationalize this as much as he want about that all he was doing was extinguishing a threat to their empire before it evolved much more.

But there were weeks of cold floor without anyone even attempting to open this vault. Weeks of food reserve deliveries that didn't align with the rest of storage in this place, weeks even before this that Yoichi may had a fight with his brother, talking such foolish about "staying back" and "be safe" and whatnot...

Yoichi couldn't rationalize his gut twisting as light hit his eyes after weeks and apprehension climbing at the thought of encountering his own brother.

[girakacheezer]

Marlowe Devblog #10

I came across an issue in the game where if a box is flush against the wall, I can stand on the floor beneath the box as long as I’m walking into it.

This issue also occurs sometimes in stacks of boxes, but normally because there’s a very small ledge/difference in position that’s less than 1 pixel and thus not visible to the human eye.

Since this is similar to the issue I faced in Marlowe Devblog #3, I thought maybe a similar solution would work, where I could just simulate collision in different orders to find the correct outcome.  But with throwing entities into the mix, this would double the number of simulated collision runs in a single entity check, if not increase them further, so this strategy is becoming less appealing.

I looked online to see if anyone else has faced similar issues with tiles or whatnot, and one solution I saw people mention was to “change the player’s collider to a circle”.  In this engine I’m making, collision isn’t really built to the point where it can work with arbitrary geometrical shapes, just rectangles (it makes calculations a lot simpler), but I can still use the idea of a “rounded hitbox” to fix this.

The issue right now is that as a perfectly rectangular object, when we try to fall down and into the right into this “wall”, the corner of our hitbox hits the hidden corner of the wall below the box and end up getting pushed up as well as to the left outside the wall and box.

Using a circular hitbox though, the corner of the player’s hitbox wouldn’t get snagged on the hidden corner in the wall anymore, allowing us to “slide” past it.  However I don’t have circular collision programmed into the engine, so instead I’ve opted for a slightly different solution.

The idea is instead to use a hitbox that behaves more like this, with “rounded” corners to help us slide past things when we’re against a mostly flat surface.

In practice how I achieved this was by snipping the ends of the collision lines for map collision, so that there was a bit of room to avoid hitting the corner/edge of the line inside the “wall”.  I chose to snip the map lines instead of the player box since in general map lines are bigger than entity hitboxes, and rounding the corners of a very small hitbox could lead to weird interactions.

However this had an issue where if I jumped into a corner just barely, I could clip the player’s corner into the line and get OOB, since map line collision is permissive in that if you were behind a line the frame before, you’re allowed to be behind the line until you’re in front of it again.

So I updated the collision such that for the map lines, there was a tiny space behind the line that if the corner/edge of the hit box was in, it would snap the player to the line edge, even if it was on the inside of the line before.  This prevented the issue where the player could clip OOB via corners in geometry.

This update to line collision also meant it fixed the issue I previously had in devblog 3 without the need for multiple collision simulations, so I was able to remove that code from the map collision which will increase the perf of collision code in general.

This also lets you slide around corners if you bonk into them just barely, which is a nice feature to have to make jumps/collision feel more fair.

I also applied a slightly modified version of this corner forgiveness to entities, and it works well here too.  It also solves a previous issue I had where you could get snagged on a corner if sliding against a solid flat wall of boxes, which previously I had a solution in place that sorted entities by distance from the target before running collision checks, which was a rather expensive solution performance wise.  I’m able to remove that sort() call now, thanks to this.

[darkcloudsatnight]

Hello, it is I, back flipping anon!

I am here to bother you with questions and then do my deed.

Head canons for helmet part??? I also want to write you a little fanfic about them but I dunno what to write so gimme some requests pls!

There's any other ships you like?

Opinions on bushmedicine, quick fix and bloody suit

That is all, dear friend

*throws love at you and runs away while back flipping furiously*

@back-flipping-anon

I did make a post abt my helmet party hcs, so I can just link it here

AND I WOULD LOVE A LIL FANFIC THANK YOU 😭😭😭

Requests.... hmmmmmmm...........

I'm not good at requests but just something nice, sweet, and simple por favor

ALSO

Other ships I like:

Flash fire, Red Oktoberfest, Boots n Bombs (sometimes), Maggot Bear (I think that's what it was called, I'm not good with remembering names of any kind, also only sometimes) scoutpauling (can't remember the name for that) Swordvan, and I think that's it.

Opinion on those ships you named:

1. Bushmedicine.

I, personally, am not a big fan of bushmedicine, and I know a number of people like it, but for me, I just don't see the dynamic, yk? Like, it's an insane, loud, experimental man, and a quiet, isolated, mostly laid back man together. I just don't really see that. (But that's just based off my perspective, I can see how people would like it, but it's just not for me)

2. Quick fix

Now, this one I don't like that much because it just makes me a bit uncomfortable, yk? Like, the personality difference is INSANE (at least to me). Scout acts more like a rowdy teenager and medic is more like an actual "mature" adult. It just makes me uncomfortable with the way I see those characters, with my perspective on this making me see it more like shipping student with a teacher, yk?

3. Bloody suit

Now, this one I was first introduced to when I first got into the tf2 fandom and whatnot, so I liked it back then. Now I realize how... weird it can get, (as if the other ones can't get weird as well) and I'm not as into it as I was, but I still enjoy it now and then.

And, no hate to these ships, I understand that people like these for their own reasons and if you like these, I ain't judging you, I just don't like the ship like you do.

AND THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE QBJRJDBWKWBRKDBSJ 😭😭😭

[dballzposting]

I don’t know how to fucking draw. 

Yamucha mall santa

BELABORED Textpost about Yamucha Dad Swagg under the cut

It’s a very simple equation .. it takes a village to raise a kid and Yamucha is a part of that village.

Picture this. Trunks is just a little guy walking around Capsule Corp. Sometimes he goes days without seeing his father, and when he does see him there is no warm greeting. That’s fine and cool because that’s just Vegeta’s way and Trunks is used to it / raised to it. He sees his mother more frequently than his father, but she is just as busy, and she is always trying to teach Trunks about computers and whatnot - this is fun and fine because Trunks doesn’t yet know that he lacks the natural spark for invention and that his potential pales in comparison to his mother. So it’s good bonding time.

Ultimately, his parents are concerned with his growth, and they do much to encourage it, and that’s awesome. But warm family time just isn’t the love language of the house. Trunks’s grandparents are pretty warm, but they also aren’t that interested in playing video games, just the technicalities of it, so Trunks’s conversation material is stunted.

Trunks will see the other Z Fighters occasionally, but he mostly knows Of them than Knows them. Sometimes, though, his mother will have a friend over.

And something interesting happens when Yamucha visits. Trunks can actually hear his mother laughing from the other room. 

And if he sneaks around the corner, he can see his mother actually having a real damn conversation with someone for once. Trunks never sees his parents converse like this, so it’s odd and enamoring to see Yamucha and Bulma talking like normal people. 

It’s weird, because it’s not typical to Trunks’s house, but he’s seen it in others, like how Gohan and Videl talk for instance, and it’s sort of .. nice to see.

Not that he’s thinking in those terms - he’s like, IDK, 9, and though he’s a precocious kid, he’s not yet adhering to adult standards of what’s “nice to see.” He doesn’t think that it’s “nice to see” his mother be able to have a non-argumentative conversation with a man. He’s not concerned about what’s good for his mother or not, not in that way. He’s still a kid.

But. He does grow comfortable to the sight.

Bulma and Yamucha’s conversations are still pretty much what you’d expect - Yamucha is only visiting to get this car fixed, she makes some harshly-toned but inconsequential joke about his being unwilling to pay someone to fix it so he’s hoping to get it fixed for free by a friend, and he rubs his neck and says “everyone’s a critic,” and she fixes his car and makes him have tea with her as payment. She complains that he never fucking visits unless he needs some help and he says the same to her. She asks him how life is going and he tells her that Puar is starting a new semester at Shapeshifting University, that he’s working on his Master’s. She says that she’s working on a new type of engine that will revolutionize the industry and he says that his wood stove keeps breaking in odd ways that he can’t make sense of.

She asks him if he still trains and fights and he says Sometimes. He asks her if she finds herself yearning for adventure and she says Sometimes.

IDK where I’m going with this. I don’t know what I haven’t already said in previous posts. It’s just that Yamucha is a nice man ...

Trunks is used to being either A.) treated like a little adult or B.) brushed off, so when Yamucha literally treats him like one would a child, it completely throws Trunks off of his rhythm and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

He ventures into the room where Bulma & Yamucha are conversing and Yamucha is quick to be like HEEEY KIDDO! THERE YOU ARE. WAS WONDERING WHEN YOU’D SHOW UP. HOW’RE YOU DOING?

and Trunks is like HWAH becasue now this man is talking to him and now he’s gotta snap to attention and be polite and civil like his parents taught him. But also it’s Yamucha he doesnt hold him in a very high regard at this time. And he’s just gotta get throuhg this exchange of pleasantries so that they can all move on with their day.  

Unfortunately however Yamucha is not Vegeta and he is not bored with pleasantries, he’s honestly interested to see Trunks join the conversation. Trunks is a funny little DUDE yknow? He’s always running around and defeating bad guys and stuff. Yamucha held him when he was a baby a few times and he always sends him a birthday card in the mail. He’s honestly interested, at the high point of the day before the daily fatigue has set in, to invite him into the conversation.

Trunks has no tact for this however becasue he’s not used to this senseless genuineness from an adult. Usually adults will get whatever info they need out of him and then exit the conversation. Usually there’s a point where the adult gets bored and tired and Trunks is used to this pattern and he knows how to recognize it and stop talking about things that only he cares about.

But before Trunks can understand what’s happening he’s being launched into this conversation about Minecraft because one thing led to another and now Bulma has momentarily adjourned the room and Trunks is sitting at this table explaining Minecraft to Yamucha. And he’s sort of fretful and stressed about it because he doesn’t know why Yamucha is doing this to himself? This isn’t typically how things go. 

So Trunks at every sentence is trying to pull the brakes on this whole operation, growing more anxious about it the longer it persists, and it does inexplicably persists - Trunks just keeps trying to wrap up his thought but then Yamucha seems to keep encouraging him. “So it’s a computer game? You can play it with an XBOX too? What about a PS2, I used to have one of those.” “You craft what you mine? What do you mine, rocks and stuff? Oh, that’s just the term for the mechanism of acquiring world blocks? And you can craft? Oh, Minecraft, that’s clever.” “You can build anything you want? What do you build?” “What’s a mob? What’s an NPC? Oh, they’re bad guys? Sometimes? Do you fight on Minecraft? WITH A SWORD? I see why you like it.” “Is there a plot? What’s ‘sandbox’? It’s an ‘open world’?” “Can you play it with other people at the same time, like those arcade games where- oh, different screens, same world? REALLY? Over the internet you say? Now how does that work?” “THEY HAVE WOLVES IN MINECRAFT?”

And Trunks keeps trying to Not go overboard but if you ask an obsessed 9 year old about minecraft What TF Do You Think is gonna happen.

Trunks is WAITING, WAITING, WAITING for the inevitable “say, kid, yknow, it’s getting late, I gotta run...” or whatever polite manner Yamucha will use to end the conversation. Trunks is keeping vigilante for it. He’s studying Yamucha’s face and words for any hint of it. 

Eventually- “say, I don’t suppose you got any snacks around here in this house of fortune, do you?”

There it is, the Topic Change. Yamucha moves to stand and Trunks silences the urge to finish the tangent he was on. He’s actually relieved - that was getting scary, he didn’t know when the interruption would come. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself any further, so he’s glad for the long-awaited topic change.

They set out to amass a plate of snacks. Yamucha encourages Trunks to pick his poison, and Trunks doesn’t know why he’s still being involved in this operation but he likes snacks so he sticks around. Yamucha remarks that Bulma hasn’t yet returned and Trunks can’t stop himself from responding immediately with what was on the tip of his tongue: 

“Yeah, she doesn’t like to hear about Minecraft.”

Yamucha laughs it off, genuinely entertained, saying something about how Bulma didn’t have the patience for most things. He suggests that they go find her and bother her, and Trunks says that she doesn’t like to be bothered when she’s working, and Yamucha says “yeah I know.”

Somehow though they end up talking about Minecraft again. And this vexes Trunks so strongly. Especially when Yamucha finally says “yknow I don’t really understand the appeal of video games myself .. I dabbled in it but it didn’t really take me far” THEN WHY ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT MINECRAFT ???

My point is that the “topic change” was not a topic change, Yamucha was totally gonna return to the Minecraft thing. Which, again, makes no goddamn sense to Trunks. 

Yamucha’s just a nice dude. And he’s not annoyed with Trunks becasue he A.) isn’t as seriously-minded as Bulma and Vegeta are and B.) is not Trunks’s actual father so he doesn’t need to fucking see him all of the time and deal with his shit on a regular basis.

IDK. That’s just a story. I feel like it’s a good place to start the development of Trunks getting attached to Yamucha though. Like there are many ways you could spin this but it all sort of starts the same .. Trunks getting judgeless attention from Yamucha, who is warm and friendly and chill and visibly mature and middle-aged.

I mean this could happen at any time but hear me out:

Trunks ages 0-5 would respond well to any friendly adult because’s that’s what babies are like. As long as the adult didn’t have a scary face.

Trunks ages 6-9 will take a bit more convincing to warm up to you, because he’s got opinions and a snotty attitude. But ultimately he’s polite when it matters and he likes to have fun, so if you’re fun then he’s fun, and he’ll be excited to see you, because that’s what kids are like.

Trunks ages 10-15 is an even tougher sell, because his precocious self-awareness now actually MEANS something, and progressively more so throughout the years. And though he’s living life pretty naturally and in-tuned with himself by necessity of his craft, he would still shudder at the sensation of affection / want of attention from an adult other than the expressly accepted Bulma & Vegeta & his grandsparents & Gohan & Videl & to an extent Goten’s parents. Being a little baby kid and wanting to spend time with a beloved adult is one thing, but Trunks is much too self-aware at this age to allow the easy flow of vulnerability. Like, HOW STRANGE. How strange to think he would need something from someone. How strange to think that there could be a shift in the familial dynamic that’s always been. So he would experience some confliction and some shame at a perceived immaturity of the self. Even though he is getting older, humans develop in a gradual way, and by his Saiyan blood he is still a baby, so he is still responsive to warmth and attention, even when it is bewilderingly unconditional and pleasant.

Moreover: Trunks has himself a self-image of self-sufficiency and independence by this time, and he would struggle with how small and clingy he feels when Yamucha is nice to him, and he may just avoid him entirely for it.

Trunks ages 16-18 is no longer susceptible to a new juvenile attachment but he is a kid who likes to party. He is friendly enough and could make a mentor out of Yamucha yet. He could love him like one too.

However in the event that he already had the experience of wanting Yamucha to be his dad when he was younger: by 18 he thinks he’s totally over “it” though he never gave “it” credit for what it was: how much he appreciated the sense of safety that being raised by a village gave him. And that’s literally a normal thing and Trunks is literally capable of seeing that but he’s not Goten so he still is a little slow on the uptake. So he thinks he’s “over it” but as soon as he gets eyes on Yamucha he .. Oh my god I’ll just repost the last image file of a previously-shared comic

This is just so goddamn funny like .. That first panel I wish was way bigger becasue I think it’s everything. The crazed and vigilante yet amiable and PLACID look. It’s like he’s a shark and he’s caught blood in the water. It’s like he was a normal dude before but then he got eyes on Yamucha and his middle-aged man used-car-salesman swag and a biochemical reaction began to occur in Trunks’s brain and he’s become one-track and pursuit-predatorial and now he’s looking at him like this

With so much warmth and love and contentedness .. like he thinks he’s amazing. Like he’s out for blood.

And then he warmly says “you could marry my mom and I wouldn’t be mad.” LIKE ... that’s so funny .. he’s 18 so he thinks he’s an adult but he’s still Someone’s Boy. He’s still a kid. It takes time to mature fully. He’s tall and taught like a greenbean plant and he hasn’t actually yet matured into the heat of the season ... He’s tall and energetic and he wants Yamucha to marry his mom so that he can see his mom get along with someone and for that someone to be Yamucha. It’s not that Trunks dislikes his father - he really really doesn’t - but it’s that he also wants Yamucha to be his dad.

By the time we get to Trunks age 23 - GT times - he really is beyond this. He really is a chill young adult by then. He doesn’t feel the juvenile attachment. He’s a mature organism. He probably forgot he ever felt that way to begin with.

It’s just funny idk.

ANYWAY.

In the event where Bulma and Vegeta formally split (which wouldn’t happen because Vegeta has nowhere else to go really...), Bulma would be cool with it but like any woman with self-respect she would undergo a certain grief to start. It doesn’t last long and she knows she’s happier being single but she allows herself the tenderness. And in this time she may reconnect with friends to feel better, including Yamucha.

And Trunks is around age umm idk let’s say 9 again, and he doesn’t think that his parents formally splitting is a big deal. From his POV, the only thing that will change is that he won’t see his father at the dinnertable anymore and he won’t train with him in the gravity chamber for a while (I say “a while” because Vegeta will come crawling back to use that fucking thing). But Trunks still knows where to find him, and he will still be training and learning under him. So it’s not a big deal.

His mom seems a little sad, which he wasn’t expecting. But she’s said and will keep saying that it was for the best and the mature thing to do, so Trunks doesn’t think much of it.

But much like how this post started, there’s a day where Trunks can hear his mother laughing in conversation in the other room. And it strikes him, rings in his head like a knell, secretive in its pull but inexorable all the same-... it’s been a while since his mother seemed so happy to be talking to someone. 

Under the guise of helping Bulma through this difficult time, but really for old time’s sake, but really actually because Yamuch’s cabin has a cockroach problem right now, it’s been arranged where Yamucha is gonna hang out and live at Capsule Corp for a while. 

OK don’t let me make this damn post so damn long. You know where it’s going. Trunks despite himself warms up to Yamucha and at the end asks him upfront if he’s gonna marry Bulma. And Yamucha is like NOOO No No No NO! Lol. And Trunks is like WHY NOT?? YOU GET ALONG SO WELL .. 

and Yamucha explains that he’s just trying to be a friend right now because he and Bulma did NOT work out in the past. And Trunks is like “Ok so are you going to live here forever then..” and Yamucha is like..........nooooo.........I’m gonna go home to my cabin ..........

and Trunks is like WHAT ???

And Yamucha, who is not trying to become a father, and who has been unsure how to treat Trunks as he sees him getting more and more clingy over the weeks, has to finally concede at this moment that: Trunks evidently needs this right now. He needs a friendly father figure. Yamucha wasn’t trying to get involved in all of this because he at this point in his life does not feel confident enough that he has what it takes to be a good parent .. that he could really give a kid what he needs .. he doesn’t think he’s good enough ... but at this moment he realizes that Well Soemone Has to Watch Stupoid Movies with This Kid and It’s NOT gonna be Vegeta So.....!!

so he tells Trunks “you know where to find me..!” and that he can visit at any time. But Trunks still seems a little sad about it and I can tell you why: it’s because he wants to feel loved enough that people will seek HIM out, not that the onus is always on him to maintain connections.

Yamucha sees that he’s still kind of sad so he makes an impulsive promise to “visit sometimes” and Trunks seems happy to hear that.

In any story you want to spin about Yamucha Dad Swagg I think it pays to consider Trunks’s hesitance to attach, because of his attitude problem and because he does already have two parents, and also how as a kid he responds to the budding connection with insecurity and confusion because even as a kid he takes it upon himself to be totally self-aware and to know everything, because that’s how his parents are raising him.

And it pays to consider what type of attention and affection that Trunks is actually receiving at home.

And it pays to consider that Yamucha is sort of washed-up and is in some ways content with that and in other ways insecure, and that he doesn't feel quite good enough to be a father but he doesn’t want to be without a family for forever, but he is a nice person who is good with kids, and Bulma is a dear friend of his, and he will do what he can to do well by her son. And he’s just naturally friendly and goofy and that gets him into hot water when he accidentally causes Bulma’s evidently-underappreciated son to latch onto him, like a baby bird imprinting upon you because you just happened to be there.

It’s all very simple really. At a Z-team get-together Trunks really wants to pull up a chair between Yamcuha and Bulma but he doesn’t know how to do that without it being weird (he thinks it’s weird becasue he’s self-aware to his own detriment). And he really wants the simple comfort of physical affection that he stopped receiving when his mother set him down as a baby for the last time, but he doesn’t know how to hug Yamucha without it being weird. And he really wants to just like stand next to Yamucha or something but he feels like if his own real father sees him standing next to Yamucha it’s gonna be weird.

In reality Vegeta doesnt give a shit, and if he knew about all of this then he would encourage Trunks to seek out the humanistic family structure he evidently needs to thrive, becasue Vegeta knows that he’s not capable of paying out in that way. But this all goes unspoken so Trunks just feels weird about the way that everything seems like it’s going to be okay whenever Yamucha is around, and he’s trying to find a situation in which it would be acceptable for him to cuddle up with Yamucha like a cat. 

It’s sort of stupid because that’s literally all it is. And there IS a day where Trunks drags Goten over to Yamucha’s cabin and they roast chestnuts and watch Caddyshack (1980) (one of the only movies that Yamucha owns and he always watches it when he’s sad and drunk and he doesn't even recognize it when he’s sober? He doesn’t know why he has it.).

And it’s fun obviously becasue Goten is there and they eat popcorn but when they’re watching the movie on Yamucha’s new couch (it’s new at this time) (it’s red and swanky) (he thinks it really classes up the place) (now there’s popcorn oil stains all over it of course but he’s trying to be gracious about it), Yamucha realizes that it’s a movie unfit for kids, and Goten gets bored when the popcorn is gone, and Trunks is not watching the movie at all because he is taking this opportunity to hug yamucha as hard as he can as he settles next to him on the couch.

And Yamucha is thinking “ummm this isn’t a very good movie for kids” but he literally can’t get up and do anything about it because Bulma’s damn bastard whelp is clinging to his side with the ardent ferocity of a drowning monkey to a floating log. And also the kid is pretending to be asleep so that no one will try to disturb him but his grip strength gives him away. And so basically Yamucha has to just sit through this weird movie. And Goten gets bored and really does fall asleep next to Trunks. So now Yamucha is committed to this damn movie. And there’s popcorn butter everywhere

Anyway. If Trunks started to bond with Yamucha then he really would want to learn stuff from him / model after him. And that’s where we may run into problems, becasue in practice, their continued involvement may be more of Trunks fixing Yamucha’s car then it is Yamucha teaching Trunks how to do stuff.

But there is still quite a bit that could be done here. Trunks would learn the Spirit Ball from Yamucha. He would learn how to go to diners and tip 30%, 40% if the server was cute. He would learn how to relax and enjoy life. He would learn how to hang out. He would start getting into Yamucha’s music, and then music composition once Yamucha pulls out his old guitar. He would pretend to care about baseball. He would have a new appreciation for monocolored suits. He would try whiskey for the first time. He would develop on his emotional intelligence so that he would eventually be on-par with Goten. He would listen to stories of the past because lord knows that Trunks’s parents don’t fucking tell him anything. ETC.

One more thing. You know that one .. science experiment where they put a baby monkey in a cage of sorts and gave it two “mothers,” one made of warm cloth that served no function and another that was made of wire and that contained a source of food? And they discovered that when the monkey was scared, he always huddled up to the cloth mother for comfort, even though she was not the one to feed him? And the result was something about the realization of the importance of comfort for babies? Yeah well it’s kind of like that .. Bulma & Vegeta are the wire mothers who offer substance of body mind and character, and Yamucha is the cloth mother who can’t do much for him but he’s always down to watch a movie and hang out or something. 

END POST. Good grief