#mostly because of my own experiences with it

[sewliia]

The Lonely episodes touched me deeply. Especially 159 and 170 (Peter and Martin statements).

I can quote these episodes and I know them very well but most of the time, I still cry or at least come close to tears when I listen to it. (Especially 170 - that one ends me)

The lonely as a concept in TMA and its characters are just too close to my heart and feelings. It shocks me sometimes and I don't know if I ever had a story, where I could relate this much, where I sat there in silence afterwards cause it hurts hearing those words that come so close to your own feelings, and yet you feel understood in a way, comforted by those (mostly) traumatic statements.

To quote Peter:

It was… difficult to accept, at first. Not because I didn’t want it to be true, but because it seemed unbelievable that any god could be so perfectly in tune with my heart.

This is my personal experience. But I love that everyone can find something in TMA that speaks to their core. It makes this podcast very special.

I love listening too tma in order because it's like

Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,viscerally unpleasant horror,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode, something that touches at the core or what makes you you, puts words to sensation you have had following you your entire life, alters you as person, Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode, viscerally unpleasant horror, Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode,Cool episode, HOMOSEXUAL OCCURRENCES!!!

[fatliberation]

Sorry for leaving this in your inbox, but I need to vent and ask for advice in a place where people won't mock me. What do you do when sex is super difficult because of your fat? I've recently gotten into my first relationship and. I thought I had a handle on my internalized fatphobia and self hate but this has made it worse than ever. We can't have satisfying penetrative sex (we've tried all the tips and workarounds. Nothing works. I'm larger than most of the FA community.), and recieving oral sex is also difficult for me. I also get tired and sweaty extremely quickly if I have to like hold up myself on mostly my arms or something, so he has to do most of the work. So sex is just. Mostly the one that works on repeat, and we don't have it very often because it isn't that fun for either of us, and it also makes me cry afterwards sometimes because of how disappointing it is & me beating myself up over it.

I'm genuinely worried my boyfriend is going to leave me for this. He's clearly very frustrated with the situation, even though he tries to be nice about it most of the time. Earlier today I tried to like be flirty and hint at stuff and he just. got a bit sad. and then said that clearly neither of us enjoy the sex we're having and that he has a lot of trouble staying hard.and that he doesn't see the point when we're both forcing it for no reason. I think he's going to break up with me soon. His ex is way lighter than me, so he's probably comparing the normal sex he had with her with whatever the fuck this abnormal shitshow is :/

All the work I've done on myself to be happy with being fat (including working up the courage to date, what a mistake that was lmao) is all gone. This has ruined my self-esteem so much. I feel like one of those fatphobic jokes but a person.

first and foremost, please try your best to remember this: your body is not the problem. one more time. your body is not the problem. I'm so very sorry you're concerned that your boyfriend would leave you over this. it sounds like he has a lot of preconceived ideas about how sex is supposed to go. I promise you that it doesn't have to be this way. if this is something that could really end the relationship, know that this person is not compatible or open to exploring your needs, rather than your needs being "too difficult." I promise it's him, not you. I know folks who are 600+ pounds who have excellent sex lives and partners who satisfy them and enjoy satisfying them. when someone starts treating your pleasure like a chore, that's just shitty. I know how much it hurts. it also does damage to your own openness to pleasure. when you're caught up in feeling like sex/your body is something that needs to be "fixed," nothing is going to feel sexy, because all that pressure puts stress on and takes you out of the mental state where you're able to experience pleasure. does that make sense? so many couples get stuck in this cycle.

there are so many ways to engage in pleasure without penetration or orgasm. there's a lot that goes into foreplay, setting a mood, making your partner feel appreciated and attractive. words and touch play a huge part in this. something as simple as exploring each other's bodies, not with the intention of reaching climax, but simply to be vulnerable and engage each others' senses. have your partner give you a massage. play with your hair. tickle your back with a feather. shower together. kiss you. compliment you. if either of you are into any kinks or dirty talk, that could be a great way to engage each other sexually without the pressure of "achieving" a goal. the goal here is just to feel good, close, and connected. societal messaging about sex has placed so much importance on orgasm instead of pleasure - when taking the time and space to relax and receive attention, is key.

feel free to check out my other posts on fat sex ed, there's lots of assistive toys that can make pleasure more accessible, but I think that should be a tool for later, since the biggest issue here is the pressure to perform. know that pleasurable sex can exist for you! but for now, I would recommend taking a break from sex altogether since it is not pleasurable for you right now. because pleasure is the whole point. forcing it is only going to feel worse. you do not owe it to your boyfriend, especially if it doesn't feel good and is taking an emotional toll. I hope you both are able to take a step back, reassess and communicate, and are able to reconnect and create a safe space to explore.

I understand why you're beating yourself up over this, I've been there too. but also know that it's just another societal standard that's been internalized (and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is helping). like you said, you've done a lot to unlearn fatphobia. there's a lot of internalized beliefs we absorb from society surrounding sex, just like body image. I promise that there is nothing wrong with you. If your boyfriend takes his frustration out on you instead of making you feel safe to express your needs, then he's not a supportive partner. you deserve someone who takes delight in your pleasure and your body. believe me, we're out there.

[sandyca5tle]

Was having a semi-serious conversation with some friends, and accidentally found myself quoting RWBY in a way that actually helped the discussion at hand, which got me thinking, there's a good few lines in RWBY that are just generally good things for life, so i decided to write a post about it 'cause fuck it. Some'll have commentary some are self explanitary enough. "I'm not any one thing, I'm somewhat of a lot of things" - this was the one that actually sparked this, was talking about identity with a friend, and found this quote very applicable - you don't always have to neatly fit in a box, you can be somewhat several things at once, if that's what fits for you. "Well that embaressment, that desire to go back and tell yourself not to be so stupid, that just proves you're not the same person you used to be. And you're not done growing yet" "You don't have to look cool all the time"

"Of course you are [a real girl]. You think just because you've got nuts and bots instead of squishy guts makes you any less real than me?" - This is less a general life lesson, but more of a 'just because someone is different to you, doesn't make them/their experiences any less real'. And obviously there's the trans angle on this, not being a 'real girl' is an anxiety many trans girls have struggled with, or is something people throw at us to put us down. But just 'cause we're built a little different than cis girls, doesn't make us any less girls "Pyrrha thought that, if there was even the smallest chance of helping someone, that it was a chance worth taking" "I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt, that I didn't think about them everyday since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too, no matter how dangerous it was, so that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forwards." - Mostly putting this here 'cause it's always nice to have a talk like this regarding grief/loss, and yeah, i just think this is nice and fairly honestly reflection of how a lotta people feel when they lose someone, coupled with the adivce to keep moving forwards. "I'm not asking you to stop. Just please, get some rest, not just for you, but for the people you care about," - I like this one 'cause a) self care is important bitches! Burning yourself out isn't gonna help whatever you're trying to do and b) hurting yourself like that is also gonna hurt those who care for you, 'cause no one wants to see those they care for suffer. So remember to take a break from time to time. "You think you're being selfless, but you're not. Yeah that chameleon friend of yours got me pretty good, but I'd do it all again if it meant protecting you... and I promise Yang would say the same. You can make your own choices sure, but you don't get to make ours. When your friends fight for you, it's because we want to, so stop pushing us out. That hurts more than anything the bad guys could ever do to us," - Obviously the parts about fighting can be taken a little more metaphorically for everyday life, but I like this quote 'cause yeah, the people who are there for you *want* to be there for you, so deciding that you're a burden on them and hiding away/pushing them away is gonna hurt them because they *want to be there for you* - don't decide something for other people. "My losses, my failures, those, more than anything, are what have shaped me into who I am; showed me how I need to grow. If there's something I'm missing it's not because I've lost it, it's 'cause I haven't found it yet" - I just think this is a beautiful line. We've all wished at moments to undo the mistakes we've made, however those mistakes made us the people we are now. And yeah, I love the idea that something you're missing is not because you lost it, it's because you haven't found it yet. "One small kindness, in one small moment, lead to such a marvelous transformation, just like one act of dishonesty caused an unfortunate change" - Reminder that even small actions can mean a lot to others "What happens if I chose me?" "Then maybe, that girl is enough,"

But yeah, all of this to say I love RWBY, it has so many amazing and emotional moments and yeah, if you haven't given it a watch I would highly reccommend (and if you've heard bad things, i'd maybe give it a watch yourself first, a lotta people like to hate on the show in bad faith). But yeah, love RWBY and love all the wonderful moments and messages within it

[vaguely-concerned]

the question is who taught lucanis to knit. was it something he already knew how to do or is he picking it up over the course of the game as part of his 'if I manage to cram enough hobbies in there I won't have to sleep again ever. easy' experiment. did he learn it out of a book (as a sometime knitter, a horrifying thought but I wouldn't put it past him). as hilarious as I find the mental image of caterina with knitting needles I do not believe in it, did he pick it up from someone in the household staff growing up the same way he did cooking. is the sweater he wears with his introductory armour his own work (very funny if so it's just so. incredibly neutral toned and sensible.) I understand why he never does it on screen because animating knitting is the devil's own work and bioware were right to dodge right past it no one should wish themselves that kind of pain, but do you think off-screen he's using it the same way davrin does whittling during team meetings and book club nights (for real the grandmas were so right for this: knitting during social group situations is a neurodivergent life hack like you wouldn't believe if doodling isn't your thing/isn't doing it for you). it's that or sharpening his knives and some people seem to get a bit nervous about that so he mostly sticks to the knit one purl one of it all. does he make things for the team. for romanced rook perhaps. boring but useful things like socks and scarves, to be clear. I think mr. 'I made you a cake (cautiously marital intent)' would not mean to impress just make sure your feet weren't cold jogging around the heights of athim killing darkspawn. knitting more socks for harding so she won't get cold walking around everywhere in her fereldan *checks notes written on palm* clogs. some of taash' outfits... you think rook and lucanis are letting them walk around the anderfels like that without at least a token sensible scarf on even tho adaari are built different in terms of body temperature. I say no not in my lighthouse they would team up and mother hen them to shathann levels before they'd let that happen. (the scarf has dragons on it taash thinks it's kind of cool actually.) a bobble hat for manfred not because he really needs it but because he wanted to feel included. assan indignantly tries to steal it and fly away with it so he gets his own scarf to promote peace between the lighthouse little guys and it works. help.

[clockwork-hearted]

This was the first queer movie I watched in high school. I remember finally having good, strong WiFi and exploring YouTube one night. Was using my refurbished MacBook that I begged my dad to get me so I can have something to use for school.

I don’t remember how exactly I came across this movie (honestly was probably going through some YouTube rabbit hole of “movies where guys make out” or the classic “two men kissing” search), but it was the full length movie. And it was free.

I was so excited to watch it and see what kind of guy on guy action I would get to see. But being forced to stay in the closet growing up, I couldn’t just outright watch this movie while my parents were home.

So I bookmarked it. Made sure I even saved the link somewhere. And had to wait until my parents weren’t home.

Thankfully, I ended up realizing that I was a teen that was allowed to stay up late on the weekends. So I stayed up, waited until both my parents were in their rooms, fast asleep, and then I went into my room, closed the door (couldn’t lock it though. Locking bedroom doors was an offense that would cause a scene every time for absolutely no reason), plugged my headphones in, and snuggled up and watched it.

I remember sitting upright to start it then getting tired and deciding to lay down. Ended up laying the laptop on its side just so I could keep watching haha

And I remember going through the rollercoaster of emotions seeing these two characters having a connection but being so twisted up about it. Regardless of everything they went through, I still wanted that. I still wanted someone I could kiss passionately. Someone I could go to bed with and wake up next to in our own little world. Someone I could go to the beach with and spend all day with. Someone who wanted to push me for my abilities (don’t have any but it played into my fantasies lol) and strive to be the best I could be at them.

And then reaching the end of the movie and being so happy with it. I remember crying. Crying so much that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to stop. I remember shoving my face in my pillows to try and muffle my crying.

Oh, I learned to cry silently so very quick in my home. How I learned what it meant to be even more suppressed than I already was. How I had to learn to hold back all the choking sounds my throat would utter and just let the tears flow. Silently blowing my nose into tissues so I wouldn’t wake my parents and cause a scene.

“Why are you crying? What’s happening? What did you watch? What’s going on? Etc. etc. etc.” - yeah, like I was going to come clean about my emotions and be able to talk these things out. Pht. How I wished and how I dreamed that I could. Would’ve made growing up easier. But I didn’t have those kinds of parents.

So the first night I watched this movie, it meant a lot in such little time. Movies like this really saved me as a teen.

I started doing a deep dive into any and all other queer movies I could find online for free (but that’s a story for a different time).

Tbh, I had forgotten about this gem of a movie. Made me feel a little guilty for forgetting, mostly because it really helped me continue pretending, and knowing that one day I would find someone to experience beautiful moments with. It allowed me to realize that queer media (that wasn’t porn) was out there, that I didn’t have to feel alone, and that it was only a few key strokes and google searches away.

For anyone who read through this whole thing (I know I blabbed, but I really needed to get this off my chest and my mind), thank you.

And I also hope that even though the world can feel so against you, even in spaces that are supposed to be safe, that there are people out there that know and understand you and can relate to how you feel.

I know it’s always easier said than done, but hang in there. And if it all gets to be too suffocating, please remember there are resources out there to help. But please, please, please, don’t get snuffed out. Let yourself burn as bright as you can. Because at the end of the day, you will always find Shelter- whether it’s with family members, friends, teachers, chosen/adoptive families, online communities, etc. you will find it. And you will be safe. And you will be loved.

I wish you all the very best. May this movie and many others bring you as much joy as it did to me. <3

Shelter (2007) dir. Jonah Markowitz

[therealitiestraveler]

How I manifested my cat, my glow up, being accepted in my desired university, my best friend and friend group, a gym being built next to where I live

Initial note: My blog is mostly about reality shifting, but I also have my share of experiences with manifestation, so here is this post, I hope that this post can help and motivate you guys.

This is a long one so keep this one to read when you have time, good reading guys.

Contents

Method I used

My results

Context: At the time I wanted to manifest all this I was finishing highschool and in my country we have exams that we have to pass in order to be accepted in university and I was studying in the summer for those exams.

In that same year I was also highly focused on learning about manifestation. Initially I found subliminals and my first move was try them, they worked and then my first thought was “okay, this works, why does this work?” and then I went into the rabbit hole of manifestation and how reality works with the goal of understanding it, this from a metaphysical and spiritual perspective (I also had some background from my practice with witchcraft).

Around that time I heard a lot about law of assumption, so I decided to put that into practice, in the future I am planning to make a post explaining, or in other words, simplifying the law of assumption in simple terms + why it works (more often than not I found that, even though it is not necessary to understand it for it to work, when I understand the why’s it makes it easier for me to be confident with my manifestations and confidence can be quite important in manifestations).

At this time in my life I had recently discovered notion (organization app) and I was using it to organize my life, at the time I created a page for those specific manifestations and I started to write them down as if I already had them, it was something like this:

I am [insert description of my appearance]

I have a cat, that cat is [insert description of cat] and they are [insert cat personality]

I have been accepted in [insert university name] and I am currently studying there

I have my best friend, my best friend is [insert personality traits]

My friend group has [insert amount of people] and they are [insert people personality] my friend group is [insert friend group dynamic]

Etc. (you guys understand the concept)

I wrote that and after that I almost forgot about it, I ended up detaching from it in a way, mostly because I was busy at the time with my studies and with managing my social and academic life, now years later I realized that I ended up putting the law of detachment into action without being aware of it. I didn't think about it again, until my second year of college were I was reorganizing my notion for the new academic year and much to my surprise I found that page in deepest parts of my notion and I got even more surprised to find out that basically everything went according to what I wrote, basically everything because i’m gonna explain how it worked out in the end in the next part of this post.

Results

Cat: Ever since I was younger, I had always wanted a cat. However, my family didn’t want any pets, so it was almost a lost cause, yet I gave it a try. When I described my pet affirming that I had it, I actually described two cats, an orange cat and a white cat. I did this in summer, and my precious cat appeared in my house in early April of the next year.

He simply popped up on the front side of my house and decided he was gonna there, he was quite small at the time, probably he had been born in the previous months, he also was quite skinny and seemed to not be doing well, probably because he was young and a stray and was still trying to figure is own way in the world and trying to survive on the streets. So I slowly started to take care of him, he was already basically living in the garden of my house so it was easier for me at the time.

Over the course of time he eventually stayed there and got bolder, at some point he started to get inside the house and be with us. Later after my cat had been around I discovered that my family had tried to lead the cat away by guiding him away on the street by playing traces of food on the way and also tried to move him to other streets on my neighborhood, all of this while I was away in classes so that I wouldn't know (yes, I’m still bitter about it but anyways) however they were always unsuccessful, because as soon as they arrived back at home the cat was already there again, most of the times before them (I love my silly loyal little cat). So eventually they gave up, we took the cat to the veterinary and took care of everything and ever since then my cat has been with me.

And I can confidently say and my family often jokes that my cat presence was fate, because despite their failed attempts the cat decided that he was gonna stay here, apparently i’ve also became his favourite human, because out of everyone he spends more time with me and in my space, and gets along better with me than with anyone else in my family (I think that he’s still bitter with them too, understandable, I am too).

Remember that previously I said that the cats I wrote down were one orange and one white? Well that’s actually quite funny because my cat is orange and white.

Glow up: I described in detail and I have to confess the changes have been almost insane. I only noticed it because I went this year to more social activities because I finally had free time and most of the comments I received from people were about how much I’ve changed and my sudden glow up, and that lead me to actually search for pictures from the time I wrote that and I indeed noticed some major changes.

Some of these changes were a visible weight loss, more muscle mass, my hair is a lot more healthier, my metabolism is a lot faster now, my skin is a lot more healthy and clean, and something about my face that I can’t quite put into words also is a lot more different in a way that I am extremely grateful. I was surprised looking back at photos of me at the time I wrote it and the way I look now.

University acceptance: At the time I was choosing my university course I was concerned because I was applying for a course with not many university vacancies in my country, at least not many close to where I live and I knew I wanted to study in college but still be at home.

So I wrote it next to my manifestations there and guess what? That same day I went to apply for my desired university, I went to the secretary of the university to give my information and I gave them the documents we usually have to give, and on that same moment I was accepted into that university!! The happiness and disbelief I experienced that day was unimaginable and every day I am thankful for that, I literally stared at the man that was attending me for a couple of seconds that moment blinking as I processed the information and the man confused repeated himself again and I snapped out of it accepting it as a reality and proceed with the process, my reaction was as comical as it sounds.

Best friend and my friend group: When I was scripting my best friend and friend group I described them using typology (personality systems, one example of a typology system on the topic of personality would be for example mbti), and years later I’ve realized that indeed all the people in my friend group (the main one and the one where we hang out together the moat) have the exact typology I wrote that time.

I also met all of them in university as I planned too and the dynamic is also like I described and I am eternally thankful to have a friend group with the people I have.

Gym: The gym being built next to where I live (10 minutes away in walking distance if I am walking slow), I’ve always been physically active, however I never actually went to a gym because there weren’t that many close to where I live and with my lifestyle I have I would end up losing a lot of time on my way to the closest ones and I just couldn’t waste that time.

So imagine my surprise when less than a year after I’ve written those manifestations I happen to receive the news that people are building a gym less than 10 minutes away from my house? Nowadays it is already built and I often go there. This is the moment where I tell people that are often stressed to contemplate going to the gym or working out, it does magical wonders for one’s mood.

That’s all guys foe this post guys, I hope that this post is useful and motivates people, I always try to share some more details because it might help people get motivated and it can also be quite funny sometimes.

Good shifting and good manifestations everyone!!

[glossypolaroidkisses]

Hi lovely!! I just read your recent response to an anon question and saw you mention being an eldest daughter and omg as a fellow eldest daughter how do you think lu would be like with a hyper independent girlfriend who basically had to learn things in life on her own and isn’t used to having people genuinely want to help her without feeling like she owes back ?

I can’t wait to read your works xx

Hello!! Thank you for being here:)) I really appreciate all the support, mwah! I see you, you're valid! It's rough out here!! As the oldest sister with a younger brother, the sexism on top of all the responsibilities was exhausting. My experience as a parentified child may shape my perspective, but I hope this still resonates with you as a fellow eldest daughter <3

(Scroll down to skip to oneshot)

Luigi to me, very much seems like a giver. Generous partner! Always wants to help you with things, acts of service! He is obviously anti-materialism, but loves gifting you items that involve your hobbies and interests; Books of your favourite genres/tropes, if you like painting, he’ll buy you the finest paint-brushes and acrylics. Wanna stargaze?; He’ll research to buy the highest quality telescope for you. 

He loves showering you with compliments, and he’s a natural helper. It’s second nature to him! It’s how he shows the people he loves that he cares, by helping.

He’s not flashy or materialistic, but he buys things that he knows will provide meaningful experiences for you. 

You grew up having to manage everything yourself from a young age. When someone gave something to you or did something for you, you were always left having this expectation of the favour somehow having to be returned. You’ve always had to be ‘the fixer’. Because of how kind and capable you are, you have ended up in toxic friendships and relationships where people took advantage of your kindness and willingness to be helpful. 

You struggle to let your guard down, believe that others are genuine, and accept compliments or help of any sorts. When being offered assistance, your instinct is to hesitate and refuse. 

Before your relationship was serious and you started living together, Luigi only saw your hyper-independence on a surface level; just like everyone else. On the outside, you just radiate bad bitch energy. You’re always busy, working and completing tasks. Luigi loves strong women who know that they don’t need a man for their lives to be fulfilled. You’re intelligent, capable, always handling things on your own with confidence. To be frank, he finds it sexy! 

It wasn’t until you started going over to his place more frequently, that Lu picked up that your independence might come from a place of obligation rather than choice, a survival instinct born from a past where asking for help often came with conditions, expectations, or disappointment.

----------->

Here is one of many oneshots showing how this dynamic could play out! Yes.. this is going to be a series! Once I post the other oneshots, I'll link them at the bottom of this post, or in the comments. Enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

General Themes: Trust, vulnerability, emotional healing, reassurance, understanding, sensitivity, love and care

Gender: Mostly gender-neutral, use of "girl" once

Smut?: No

Warnings: Emotional distress, crying, anxiety, possible triggers for past trauma (misunderstandings, interpretation of actions, self-worth issues)

Word Count: 1439

You’re cooking in Luigi’s apartment, standing at the stove. You hum a tune, swaying lightly as you stir in the pot. “Mmmm,” You hear your boyfriend from a couple of feet behind you. After a few steps, you feel his large hands gently grasp your sides, then his arms wrap around your waist. “Smells amazing, baby.” he murmurs by your ear, placing a couple of gentle kisses on your neck.

You stop humming, your body stiffening. Luigi immediately notices, lifting his chin from your shoulder, “Everything alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, I, I just..” You pause. “I’m not in the mood right now, Gi.” you admit. Luigi steps back from you, confused. He leans against the counter next to the stove so he can properly see your face. “I wasn’t trying to have sex or anything, y/n.” he calmly says, genuinely explaining his intentions.

You hold eye contact with his concerned gaze before looking down at the pot, though there’s no real need to monitor it. You’re just stirring soup. “Oh.” you feel a wave of embarrassment wash over you. “Why did you come up behind me then?” you ask, voice a little shaky. Luigi tilts his head, his thick eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He looks away for a second, then shifts his gaze back to your embarrassed expression. “I just wanted to appreciate you, my love.” he says, his tone soft and sincere.

You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting the emotions before your eyes can visibly tear up. “I’m sorry, I just thought you did that because you wanted it to.. lead.. to something..” you explain. You look up at Luigi again, searching his face for any hint of frustration or confusion.

“No, no, no, I didn’t.. I don’t know why you..” His voice trails off, confused, He takes a moment to think, “Did I do something? I--” Luigi starts, trying to navigate this situation carefully since he can tell you’re in a fragile state. You quickly cut him off, desperate to reassure him, “No, you're fine. You’re perfect. It’s just my brain, I read the situation wrong.” You say in a rush, verbally trying to escape the situation. You force a short chuckle in an attempt to rid the awkward tension.

Luigi takes a deep breath. He steps forward from the counter, towards you. He lifts his hand, delicately pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Is it okay if I touch you?” he asks softly, staring at your face despite your gaze being focused on the soup again. You nod, unable to look at him. He cups the side of your face with his hand, slowly stroking your cheek with his thumb. “You can talk to me about anything, love. I promise I would never do something to you expecting it to lead somewhere, or get something out of you, okay?” he reassures, sincerity written in his tone. You nod. “I’m glad that you felt comfortable telling me you weren't in the mood, though. You must’ve felt so guilty. I would never want to make you uncomfortable.” he says, his voice full of compassion. You nod again, biting the inside of your cheek.

You feel your eyes finally surrender, glazing over with fresh tears. Fuck. You already see Luigi’s expression shift in your peripheral vision. “y/n, baby, what’s wrong?” his voice laced with panic, but trying to maintain a neutral tone.

Avoiding eye contact, trying to regain some control over yourself, you set the spoon down on the stove. You turn off the burner. Thinking his honest words from his heart would help, Luigi is confused at what appears to be you emotionally shutting down. He’s analytical, used to approaching things logically with fact, and solving them with ease. It hurts his heart, not knowing how to immediately and effectively help you.

You step away, your head in your hands. Crying in front of others has always been something you tried to avoid—an old habit from years of being mocked for your sensitivity. Your palms press into your eyelids, as if you believe that pushing hard enough will force the tears back into their ducts. It’s no use. You try your best to take deep breaths, but they’re stifling. Your chest feels tight.

You’ve never been loved like this. You’re damaged. Your past has made it difficult to trust these moments. You accidentally accused him of trying to throw himself onto you, and yet here he is, treating you.. like this? Apologizing to you? Being so graceful, so patient.. with you? It makes your heart ache.

Luigi watches you from a distance, helpless. He doesn’t know exactly how to help, but his heart aches for you, wanting nothing more than to ease your pain. He walks toward you again, determined to offer comfort, even though he isn’t sure how.

Luigi watches you from a few feet away, distressed and helpless. His gaze shifts around the room frantically, up and down your body trying to read its language. His mouth gaped slightly. He needs to act quickly. He wants nothing more than to ease your pain, but he's unsure of how. He walks towards you again, determined to offer comfort one way or another.

“You’re..” you begin an attempt at explaining, stopping Luigi in his tracks. “You’re so kind.” you say, a full fledged sob following your words as you break down completely.

Luigi’s tense shoulders drop, his heart shattering at your words. He could never have imagined that his care and patience would feel so foreign to you, that it would bring you to the point of tears.

You feel his strong arms envelop you, drawing you close against his chest. His lips press a gentle kiss to your forehead. You move your hands to his back, returning the embrace and burying your face in the warmth of his chest. Luigi’s chin rests softly atop your head as you dissolve into his comforting presence, your sobs quieting in his hold.

“You deserve…” he pauses, a lump catching in his throat. He’s never seen you this broken before. “... all the kindness in the world. It's my duty to love you.” he whispers, his voice reveled in emotion.

You catch up to your inhales, taking deeper, more controlled breaths. Tears continue to stream down your face, but not overwhelmingly, with Luigi's hoodie gently absorbing them. With the newfound sense of developing control over your body, you muster the courage to lift your face from Luigi’s chest.

Your puffy, red-rimmed eyes reach his glossy gaze. You didn’t expect to cry in front of him, ever. Normally when you cry, you run to your room, find some way to hide. You never imagined Luigi would see you like this, so raw and vulnerable. His lashes are damp and clumped together. In his eyes, you see that your pain has affected him as if it were his own, yet there’s a sense of relief as he finally meets your beautiful gaze once more.

He sighs deeply, a weight lifted. His hands reach up to cup your face, his thumbs tenderly stroking your cheeks, as if they are your personal windshield wipers.

“My beautiful girl.” he whispers, a small grin tugging at his lips. You smile back, your heart glowing. You place your hands on top of his, feeling their warmth. Closing your eyes once more, you lean into his touch, feeling a sense of security you've never known before.

You look up at Luigi, “Thank you.” you whisper from the depths of your fragile heart, the weight of gratitude in your voice. “I know.. I have so much I need to tell you. I promise I will, eventually.” you say. He nods, that sweet grin having yet to leave his lips since you met his gaze. “Take your time, amore mio. I’ll be here.” he says.

You chuckle lightly, wiping any remaining tears with the back of your hand. “I never thought anyone would see me like this.” you admit.

“I’m honoured you let me. You never have to hide any parts from me, not ever.” Luigi says softly, his eyes never leaving yours.

Reaching up, you caress the side of his face, feeling the stubble beneath your fingers. You pull him down to your level, smiling as his lips get closer to yours. Closing your eyes, your lips meet his in a tender, passionate kiss.

Luigi carried you to his room, where the rest of the night unfolded in a quiet, healing embrace. Cuddling, sharing gentle kisses, opening up more about your childhoods to each other more than you ever have. You shared a comforting bowl of soup before going to bed, sleeping soundly in each other’s warm, safe embrace.  

a/n: hope you enjoyed!! please feel free to leave all sorts of feedback; the good, the bad, the ugly.. LOL i appreciate anyone who took the time to read all this! thank u sm to anon for the request! xoxox!

tt

[autieofthevalley]

Me, suddenly realising i will experience with my own eyes, Hongjoong playing his solo guitar intro of guerrilla at the Paris show next month, knowing i will mostly become turned on because rockstar Hongjoong is the hottest shit i would have ever witnessed by myself in my whole life :

I might bring a change of hygenic pad because i feel like i will actually finish the concert with a soaked aching pussy 😩 fucking hell, i'll have to contain myself for sure, don't want people to see me in heat

[dmgloom]

Interesting.

Keep in mind, this is all anecdotal, and I'm not trying to refute the thesis here, more... exploring how my own experience fits in with this.

I'm in a few predominantly male spaces, and indeed "college isn't worth it" "you should go into trades" etc is the conventional wisdom offered to our youngest participants. I've said it myself. I don't believe it's offered with any willful misogyny- it's just a kind of true.

For a lot of men, the career paths valued appear to be more skill based than certification, or at least they were. You didn't go school to be a web designer- well, you could, but why bother when you could just show off your designed web sites? Why go to school for game design when you could just design games? Etc etc etc. I remember several prominent employers back when I thought I could do anything explicitly saying "we're less interested in what degrees you have than what you can do." Blizzard and Riot, two monoliths (and male dominated e-sports juggernauts in their time) told us "college isn't that important".

For me, college was dubiously worth it. Undiagnosed ADHD is more or less an academic death sentence once you get closer to graduate work. That 4 out of 5 dropout rate becomes something like 90-95% iirc, and that's for known cases. I learned some things, but mostly I gained a ton of debt and nothing to show for it. I preferred my classes that had more women in them, in general.

Who can say why. I'd suggest it because with fewer men, there's a lower chance of having That Guy. There's only so much imbecilic arguing with the professor one can countenance.

It may be because I ended up somewhere Not Entirely Male, myself.

Regardless. I wonder if some of it has to do with this conventional wisdom being true- for men. It doesn't take an active imagination to guess that a woman applying for these programming/web design/etc jobs must be over-credentialed relative to her male "peers" to be reasonably considered for the position. Still misogyny, in the end.

Why aren't we talking about the real reason male college enrollment is dropping? (Celeste Davis, Oct 6 2024)

"White flight is a term that describes how white people move out of neighborhoods when more people of color move in.

White flight is especially common when minority populations become the majority. That neighborhood then declines in value.

Male flight describes a similar phenomenon when large numbers of females enter a profession, group, hobby or industry—the men leave. That industry is then devalued.

Take veterinary school for example:

In 1969 almost all veterinary students were male at 89%.

By 1987, male enrollment was equal to female at 50%.

By 2009, male enrollment in veterinary schools had plummeted to 22.4%

A sociologist studying gender in veterinary schools, Dr. Anne Lincoln says that in an attempt to describe this drastic drop in male enrollment, many keep pointing to financial reasons like the debt-to-income ratio or the high cost of schooling.

But Lincoln’s research found that “men and women are equally affected by tuition and salaries.”

Her research shows that the reason fewer men are enrolling in veterinary school boils down to one factor: the number of women in the classroom.

For every 1% increase in the proportion of women in the student body, 1.7 fewer men applied.

One more woman applying was a greater deterrent than $1000 in extra tuition! (…)

Since males had dominated these professions for centuries, you would think they would leave slowly, hesitantly or maybe linger at 40%, 35%, 30%, but that’s not what happens.

Once the tipping point reaches majority female- the men flee. And boy do they flee!

It’s a slippery slope. When the number of women hits 60% the men who are there make a swift exit and other men stop joining.

Morty Schapiro, economist and former president of Northwestern University has noticed this trend when studying college enrollment numbers across universities:

“There’s a cliff you fall off once you become 60/40 female/male. It then becomes exponentially more difficult to recruit men.”

Now we’ve reached that 60% point of no return for colleges.

As we’ve seen with teachers, nurses and interior design, once an institution is majority female, the public perception of its value plummets.

Scanning through Reddit and Quora threads, many men seem to be in agreement - college is stupid and unnecessary.

A waste of time and money. You’re much better off going into the trades, a tech boot camp or becoming an entrepreneur. No need for college. (…)

When mostly men went to college? Prestigious. Aspirational. Important.

Now that mostly women go to college? Unnecessary. De-valued. A bad choice. (…)

School is now feminine. College is feminine. And rule #1 if you want to safely navigate this world as a man? Avoid the feminine.

But we don’t seem to want to talk about that."

[wholahoop]

The year ahead

The lovely @tackytigerfic tagged me with the questions what are you proud of going into 2025, and what are your plans for the year ahead.

2024 was a funny year for me! I've been on the fringes of fandom for a few years now, mostly lurking rather than actively taking part, so I haven't created much for a while.

A good chunk of the year was taken up with some (long awaited, and positive for the future!) surgery, and recovering from that. Boring but necessary! But I found myself pining for writing, so when I felt up to it I decided to focus on finishing up some of my WIPs. So I only have one fic for a round-up.

Best Nightmare Come True: 170k, E, SK8 the Infinity / Matchablossom.

This is a truly self-indulgent omegaverse fic that's full of the tropes I love - boys being stupid, epic miscommunication and inability to say the hard stuff out loud, OTT pining, and I really leaned into the romance and the feels. I kind of wrote it for myself in the end, and that was a really nice experience, as I could really let myself go and just wallow in the emotions. It might have been better shorter - but I didn't want to make it shorter :D

I'm not sure about my aims for 2025! I want to write more fanfic, for sure, and be more present in fandom - I'd like to make more friends <3. I'd like to read more fic and look at more pretty art too!

In terms of my own writing, I have another SK8 fic I want to finish up. I feel nostalgic about H/D yes I know we all call it drarry these days and I do have a smutty WIP from a thousand years ago that I might finish up. Maybe I will do Erised again for old times' sake when the time comes.

I also would like to write some original fiction this year too! My problem has always been indecision - too many ideas, so I dither between what to write and end up writing nothing.

I'd also love to learn to write short, and have my outlines be realistic to the word count I'm aiming for, but I think that might require literal magic to achieve!

Not tagging anyone because I suspect everyone's done their end of year posts already, haha, but if you haven't and you're reading this, do it and tag me in!

[phoenixblaze1412]

Could i ask for fem!reader and dottore having a smoking 🚬 session and a few kissing if that's alright I can't get this scenario out of my head😭😭 ty!! love all your works🫶🫶

Very well anon!

Little warning: smoking, I do not condone minors to the habit of smoking, this is only a fanfiction, not reality.

The lab was unusually quiet, the hum of machines and the soft shuffle of papers the only sounds breaking the stillness. Dottore sat behind his desk, his gaze intent on the research in front of him but there was an unspoken tension in the air. He had been working nonstop for hours and you had come to check on him, mostly because you knew he would never take a break unless someone made him.

The lab smelled faintly of chemicals, but tonight, there was something else in the air: the sharp, alluring scent of tobacco. You had slipped a pack of cigarettes into your bag earlier, knowing exactly what would coax him out of his perpetual work frenzy. The idea of a quiet, shared moment between the two of you, away from the madness of experiments, had seemed perfect.

You walked over to his desk, setting the pack down in front of him. Dottore glanced up, his sharp gaze scanning your face as if trying to figure out your intentions. There was a flicker of curiosity in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a small, almost amused smile.

“You’ve been smoking again?” he asked, his tone a mixture of teasing and intrigue.

You shrugged, leaning against the desk with a sly grin. “Just thought we could share a moment. A break from the madness. You’ve been working nonstop.”

Dottore exhaled sharply, obviously aware of how deep in his work he had been, but also not one to back down from a challenge or a bit of relaxation. He tapped his fingers on the edge of the desk, contemplating for a moment before reaching for the pack. “Fine. I’ll indulge you. But don’t think this means I’ll make a habit of it.”

You handed him a lighter, your fingers brushing against his as he took it from your hand. There was something about those small touches that always sent a strange flutter through your chest, though you’d never admit it aloud. He lit the cigarette with expert ease, the flame briefly illuminating the sharp planes of his face before he took a long drag.

The smoke curled upward, thick and heavy, and you followed suit, lighting your own cigarette. The two of you sat there in a comfortable silence for a while, the smoke swirling between you, mingling in the dimly lit room. Dottore’s usually cold demeanor softened just a little in these moments, and you enjoyed the quiet companionship more than you let on.

After a while, Dottore looked over at you, his lips curling slightly as he observed the way you exhaled, your eyes momentarily closed in contentment. “You enjoy this more than I expected.”

You smirked, taking another drag. “You’d be surprised. Sometimes, it’s nice to step back, to just breathe for once.”

His eyes darkened with something unreadable, and for a brief moment, the weight of his gaze seemed to linger just a little longer than usual. You weren’t sure if it was the smoke, the dim light, or just the shared silence, but something between you felt different now.. more intimate, more present.

You leaned closer to him, the space between you shrinking, and caught his gaze. “You should relax more often, Dottore,” you murmured, your voice quiet but steady.

Dottore’s eyes flickered down to your lips, a flash of something deeper crossing his expression, something that felt a little like longing, though he quickly masked it with a smirk. “I don’t need your advice on relaxation, (Y/N).”

But there was no bite in his words. In fact, there was a softness to his tone that you hadn’t heard before.

“Then what do you need?” you asked, your voice dropping to a whisper, your eyes never leaving his.

Before he could respond, you closed the small distance between you, your lips brushing against his in a soft, teasing kiss. The moment was fleeting, almost as if testing the waters. His lips were warm, and the slight taste of tobacco lingered between you as you pulled away just enough to look at him.

Dottore was silent for a beat, and then, with a small, almost amused chuckle, he leaned forward, capturing your lips in a deeper kiss. This one was not tentative, but full of purpose, as if he had been waiting for just the right moment to finally give in. His hand found its way to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, his breath mingling with yours as he deepened the kiss, his lips moving against yours with a fervor that surprised you.

The cigarette in your hand was long forgotten, the smoke curling aimlessly in the air as your senses were consumed by him. You melted into the kiss, his warmth and the quiet pressure of his hands on your body igniting something within you. For a moment, the rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you, wrapped in the intimacy of the moment.

When the kiss finally broke, both of you were breathing a little heavier, the taste of each other lingering on your lips. Dottore pulled back just enough to look at you, his usual cold exterior momentarily slipping away, leaving only a softness you hadn’t seen before.

“You’re reckless,” he murmured, his voice rough, but there was an undeniable warmth to it now. “You always manage to make things more complicated than they need to be.”

You smiled, your eyes still locked on his. “Maybe. But isn’t that part of the fun?”

Dottore smirked, but there was a tenderness in his eyes that he couldn’t hide. “You’re impossible,” he muttered, taking one more drag from his cigarette before flicking it into the ashtray. “But I suppose… that’s what I find most interesting about you.”

You leaned in again, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, just beside the scar that ran down his face. “I like to think I keep you on your toes,” you whispered, a playful glint in your eyes.

Dottore’s lips curled into a rare, genuine smile. “Indeed. It’s almost like you’re trying to make me lose my mind.”

“Maybe,” you teased, leaning against him a little more comfortably now. “But you seem to like it, don’t you?”

His fingers brushed against your hand, his usual stoic demeanor slipping back into place, though now with a quiet affection in his gaze. “I suppose I do.”

And in that moment, the world outside the lab faded away, leaving only the two of you, sharing a quiet moment of tenderness amidst the chaos. The smoke hung thick in the air, but it was the warmth between you that truly lingered.

[lbulldesigns]

Proof that Jinx Ziggs has a heart

I'm currently writing the first chapter of my Jinx!Ironman AU fic ❤️❤️❤️

I don't have an estimate of when it will be finished just yet because I keep going back and rewriting and editing as I go, but as soon as I finish I'll be announcing it here on Tumblr.

In the meantime, here is a list of character that I've come up with so far:

Powder "Jinx" Ziggs -

Jinx is obviously playing Tony Stark. There are some diversions from Tony Stark's character. For one, Jinx will still have her family and is a single mother to Isha. She is somewhat estranged from her family because of her busy lifestyle.

She also has a history of struggling with psychosis and is prone to auditory hallucinations but has made leaps and bounds in handling her condition.

Another diversion is that she built up her wealth independently, unlike Tony, who came from generational wealth.

Her company is called Jinx Industries, and even though her legal name is Powder, she prefers to be called Jinx.

She also prefers to go by her birth parent's names, because she's scared that their name will be gone forever if she doesn't go by it.

Isha Connie Ziggs -

Is Jinx's biological daughter, she was conceived by accident when her mother's gynecologist messed up their schedule and impregnated Jinx instead of inserting an IUD. Jinx used the settlement from suing the clinic to invest in her company. She also doesn't know who the sperm donor is, but that information will be coming to light later on in the story.

Jinx does what she can to keep Isha out of the public eye, for her own safety and to try and give her a somewhat normal childhood.

Isha absolutely loves her mother, and bugs ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sevika Wafiya -

Sevika was a close friend to Felicia during her pregnancy with Jinx, and became Jinx's godmother when she was born.

She has been by Jinx's side her whole life, and they act more like sisters than mother and daughter. They are constantly butting heads. However, when Jinx needs advice or needs help cleaning up a mess, Sevika is who she'll go to.

When Jinx started her business, Sevika was the one to step in and help her get it up and running.

Her role in the company now is basically as a Jack of all trades. She runs the security in Jinx Industries, steps in and fills in for Jinx when Jinx isn't available such as when she doesn't turn up to claim an award or just decides to skip an important interview, and keeps things running smoothly alongside Lux.

When Jinx went missing, she organized for Isha to be sent to her family for safekeeping and got to work making sure that some of the more greedy board members didn't take Jinx's absence as an opportunity to grab the CEO seat.

She is loyal to Jinx.

Yasuo Hiraoka (I don't know Yasuo's full name in LoL, so I came up with one myself) -

Yasuo is Isha's personal bodyguard, Jinx hired him after a kidnapping attempt when Isha was four. Jinx and Sevika didn't play around with Isha's safety and sought out a former assassin to keep the little girl safe.

Yasuo is a very patient man and has developed a mild obsession with Animal Crossing. He and Isha play together often.

He is extremely protective of Isha.

Luxanna Crownsguard -

Lux is Jinx's personal assistant, she basically plays the role of Pepper Potts but isn't a romantic interest. Her and Jinx are best friends, and she is Isha's godmother.

Lux was disowned by her family for being an Inhuman and was given a job by Jinx, she takes her duties seriously and is one of the only people who can handle Jinx.

Vi Kirraman -

Vi is married to Caitlyn, and is a former Enforcer. She quit after a near death experience on the job and realized that she actually really hated her work and wanted to do something different with her life.

She opened her own gym that mostly caters to Enforcers, soldiers, MMA fighters, and so on.

She's currently working from home, due to reasons.

Caitlyn Kirraman -

Caitlyn is the Commander of the Twin City Forces and basically plays the role of Rhodey in this AU, she was previously an Enforcer but transferred over to the Twin City Forces when it was established as a means to draw Zaun and Piltover closer together.

She works quite a bit with Jinx, they used to be at each others throats but have somehow managed to form a solid friendship over the years. Caitlyn is Jinx's only real connection to the rest of her family.

She is career-driven and a bit of a workaholic but tries to make time for her family as they are extremely important to her.

When Jinx goes missing, she jumps right into action and is determined to bring her sister-in-law home to her family.

Mylo Lanes -

Owns several businesses in fashion, locksmithing, and even a dive bar.

He is currently single but is in the process of courting Gert, a DJ who works closely with The Chemical Sisters.

Claggor Lanes -

Is a botanist, who is working on improving Zaun's air quality using plants (much like his S2E7 AU self). He works closely with Ekko.

Claggor has his own daughter, named Cleo who is four-years-old. Cleo's mother is Sona Buvelle (I read a Star Guardians fic once where her and Claggor were sweet on each other, and just had to get them together for this one <3).

Sona Buvelle -

Is a virtuoso, and Inhuman. Who is engaged to Claggor Lanes, who she shares a four-year-old daughter with. She plays in the Piltover Grand Orchestre, on the high harp and grand piano, and is well renowned for her beautiful music.

Ekko Bennett -

Is Jinx's ex-best friend and ex-lover, they were never actually official but were close enough. They had a falling out due to miscommunication, and some meddling from Ekko's birth parents who thought knew what was best for their son, despite not being very present in his life. Due to this meddling, Ekko and Jinx had a falling out resulting in Jinx moving overseas, to Bilgewater, and cutting contact with Ekko.

When Ekko found out about the meddling he cut contact with his parents, and tried to get in contact with Jinx but it was too late.

He threw himself into his work in physics, engineering, and bio-engineering. He works tirelessly to improve the environmental status of Zaun with Claggor, and spends a lot of his free time working with the community and following Jinx's work even though he doesn't approve of her weapons manufacturing.

He suspects that Isha might be his daughter, and is pissed with Jinx for keeping him away.

There's still a bit more world-building to be done, but here are a few things to keep in mind:

The AU is set in Runetrra not Earth

Yordles, Vasteyans, Chireans, and other magical beings in LoL are citizens

Magic is a thing, but it isn't commercialized

Hex-Tech is a controversial technology

Piltover and Zaun are separate states but Piltover is constantly working on trying to merge with Zaun again

And, Vander and Silco's relationship is a great big question mark to everyone, they keep calling each other brothers but live together and raise four kids together and are always touchy-feely.

Anyhoo, this is what I have so far. I tried not to give away to much here because I want to leave some mystery for the actual story.

[honey-bitch]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧Solar and natal chart review for @zeldanotes*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

♡ I ordered an astrology reading from @zeldasnotes a week ago and although it might be a bit overly critical, I am a Virgo Venus and it's just in my nature.

Birth Chart Review

♡ Overall I found the reading to be an amazing price for what was offered, she went in depth and she was mostly accurate, knowing that she doesn't know me nor has never talked to me prior to me asking for a reading. Which is funny because at first I was like 'I'm not overly critical of myself... then I then texted her asking her to help increase my productivity'.... ♡ The thing I would say about her writing is that it's written in a very positive manner, she gently but does inform you about the shadow sides of aspects which looking back is quite lovely and makes the reading experience quite enjoyable. ♡ I would say that buying this birth chart reading is an investment into yourself, to understand you more and see your birth chart from a different perspective. Also it's incredibly details with my birth chart reading being 9 pages long. ♡ However I would say that Zelda's reading focus more on your attributes than your past, she focus on the skills you have and how you may seem to appear to others.

Solar Return Review

♡ my opinion the solar return chart was better than the natal chart, which is majority because it was something that I had a completely different perspective on and her commentary was quite informative. ♡ Not to mention she pointed out things such as important asteroids that I completely missed. ♡ Overall I'm very happy with my readings and I would recommend it, especially if you're new to astrology. However for my Capricorn and virgo people, astrologers will be repeating info that you already know in your birth chart lololol, which to be fair is their job. Also yeah I would highly recommend her.

♡Not to mention when I asked her for advice she spoke from her heart and used her own experience to help me. Which I find to be invaluable

[marlog-5]

Sonadow pacific rim AU

Some shit my gf and I came up with on a long road trip in an attempt to distract me from how bad I had to pee

Tails is both newt and Herman, he lied about it age to get the job and joined when he was like 16, he’s now 21 but has a permanent baby face and is never allowed into bars.

Sonic is known for having solo piloted a jaeger for a little bit but no one has any details on how that happened. He can also drift well with anyone in a practice run of a drift mostly because he’s kinda playing around, but when he gets serious he thinks too fast for anyone to keep up with. Except for shadow.

Now I’m a monster fucker, so inline with the black arms part of shadow, pacific rim shadow will have gotten kiju blue poisoning and then experimented on by some G.U.N. Parallel and now he’s ass has some kiju powers. He’s good at training new recruits and he and Sonic have the same practice fight with the bo staff moment that Raleigh and mako have. Unfortunately due to the trauma and the “‘keep everyone at arms length” disease that shadow has a hard time in the drift. Sonic ends up being compatible with him because Sonic is also compartmentalizing the fuck out of his own back story so like hell he’s gonna get nosey with shadows. He only cares about who shadow is right now.

Shadow right now is also carrying some secrets and /those/ Sonic will pry in to with reckless and wild abandon.

Through the drift he stars picking up on the alien parts of shadow and since shadow won’t tell him he goes to tails. Tails has been curious about drifting with a kiju brain and Sonic is just Icarus-coded enough to give it a try. Low and behold the alien vibes that he gets in the drift with shadow are the same as the kiju brain, but he can’t accurately report to tails the data that tails wants so now the three of them are on a mission to visit hanable chow (played by rouge) in Hong Kong and get a more in tact brain so tails can do the drift.

While stumbling through the streets of Hong Kong shadow and Sonic chill at a bar and attempt a heart to heart about the alien shit. (Shadow still doesn’t know that Sonic has started putting the pieces together and while Sonic still doesn’t want to pry about the past he’s having trouble finding a way to not bring it up as he questions the now)

Enter Sonic’s original drift partner.

In the original Raleigh has a brother, in the AU this character can either be played by manic or scourge (or silver is you want but I’m going with scourge). Originally on decently good terms scourge and Sonic were drift partners, during one particular attack scourge got assumedly eaten by the kiju. Sonic believes his brother died, meanwhile scourge is taken back to the precursors (kiju over lords) and they winter soldier his ass. Scourge is sent back to earth, decently unaware of what all the kiju did to him or why they sent him back to earth, all he knows is now he’s got these sick ass powers and a burning need to kill Sonic.

They meet at the bar and Sonic starts having a very reasonable panic attack. A fight breaks out. Sonic is NOT giving it his all because he does low key blame himself for what happened and he really would just like to talk to his brother again. Sonic goes down. Shadow steps in. The last thing Sonic sees before he blacks out is shadow glowing in the same way scourge is as he takes over the fight.

[tedcicle]

writing tedcicle right now (no shot that me, tumblr user tedcicle, would be doing this, btw) and i just think its fun to take some of the relationship depth qsmp charlie has and allude to it here like early foreshadowing charlie is a firework, his moods are quick and chaotic and unpredictable as he is, naturally. sometimes his fuse blows and all of that energy he has gets directed straight into a downwards spiral. him and ted playfully argue about building but sometimes the words get harsher and meaner then they mean to and ted is the one stepping away, getting them back on the same page. ted is there to keep him grounded. when he's not there, charlie is allowed to boil over, explode, literally in some cases i just think they're funnnn to write a little dysfunctionally (kicking my feet giggling)

[kedreeva]

I've been told multiple times by multiple people that I should write books about peafowl, but unfortunately my experience with peafowl is limited to my own animals, what I can observe in videos others have taken of wild and captive birds, and anecdotes. If I were going to write a book on peafowl, particularly on behavior, I would want to have observed them in the wild over the span of a year or more, with full documentation of everything I observed, including any videos I could take and any journaling I could do. And I just don't see that happening any time soon, all things considered.

I AM documenting my knowledge of peafowl genetics to my website now, which is considerably better organized than the spreadsheet is, and I will likely consider offering a hard copy of that info once I've finished the transfer, mostly because I'll have all the photos I would need to do that. It would be.... an extremely niche group of people to have such a book, but I would like to be able to say I wrote The Book on peafowl genetics. Which I've already done, technically, I just don't have it in book form yet :)

So. I showed you Bug's begging dance yesterday, but I feel you should get to see the death drill as well. When she actually gets a mouse, she performs the death drill- a rapid back and forth shake of her head with her beak almost against the ground, that would extremely efficiently kill any small animal she got her beak on in the wild.

Thankfully she is not in the wild and the mouse is already dead, but she doesn't know that.

Also it's just impressive how the mouse disappears. Schlorp. No horking necessary.

Anyway, I think about the death drill a lot. I wonder if velociraptors did this to small prey items. If archeopteryx did. If compsognathus did. They had hands, or at least front claws, but I wonder if they did this still. How many ghosts of dinosaurs past echo in her behaviors?