#most of this doesn't make to much sense though I know

[tangyneon]

august of another summer

To love is to listen to the heart, not the mind. 

To dream while in love is to bend the mind to listen, and even answer, the heart’s daring call.

pairing: ex mentor! gojo satoru x ex mentee! fem!reader tags: former teacher x former student dynamics; angst; bittersweet fluff; you're too much in love with gojo for it to not hurt; it doesn't, though, because you've grown numb to the ache; unrequited love; (maybe temporarily unrequited love); word count—1908. warnings: age gap romance (gojo's maybe seven years older than you); one-sided romance; few mentions of food; gojo calls you 'sparkles' (because of your CT, but this hasn't been elaborated on in the fic); this is one of the most tender fics yours truly has ever written. notes (1): here's my entry for my darling daya @spearofheaven's jjk vs the world collab event!! thank you so much, my love, for organising this. i had so much fun while participating in this!! 😊❤️

You’re barely in your twenties, the first time you think of marrying Gojo Satoru. 

Hardly the age to be dreaming of wedding bells, right? 

Yeah. Right. That’s very, very right. Then again—your heart has never made any particular sense. It’s not logical; it never has been. Your heart is your heart, reckless and unashamed, just as your brain is your brain, cautious and calculating. And the two have always had a complicated relationship. But a few skipped beats, a few stolen glances, a few offhand words from the man standing beside you—and suddenly, the heart is steering everything else. 

Steering you into thoughts too dangerous to hold. Steering you into dreams too delicate to touch. 

And here you are, in the fluorescent-lit banality of a supermarket, cheeks warm, laughter bubbling awkwardly from your lips as you set a box of cornflakes into the cart. 

Beside you, Gojo sputters. 

Actually sputters. His broad shoulders jerk in disbelief, and his long fingers freeze on the handle of the cart. Behind his shades, his eyes widen comically as he whirls his head toward you, then toward the elderly woman who had paused in the aisle, her shopping basket dangling from her wrist. 

She had smiled at you both only a moment ago, voice kind and gentle as she’d asked the simple, devastating question: 

“So, how long have you two been married?” 

You barely manage to compose yourself enough to respond, past the ridiculous hammering of your heart. 

“Oh, no—not at all, ma’am! We’re not married. I’m just… an old friend, helping him with the groceries, haha.” 

“Oh.” That’s all the woman says at first. Her smile falters. A tiny frown tugs down at the corners of her mouth before she replaces it with another polite smile. “I’m sorry, dears. Just thought you two were newlyweds, from how giddy and loving you seemed to each other. Time I went for an eye check-up, yes?” 

“Please don’t be sorry—” you start, lifting your hand in protest, but she has already shuffled away, her basket swinging lightly at her side as she disappears into the next aisle. 

And then—silence. 

An awkward, fragile silence threads itself through the space between you and Gojo, stretching taut and threatening to snap. The air feels oddly heavy. You’re painfully aware of the way your pulse thumps against your throat, the way your palms press against the cold metal of the cart’s handlebar. The rhythmic squeak of someone else’s trolley wheels in the distance only makes the quiet more pronounced. 

You break it at last with a strained chuckle. It comes out thinner than you intended. 

“So… we were acting giddy and loving to each other, huh?” 

“Were we?” His voice is low, contemplative. 

You glance up. His face tilts toward you, and even though his eyes are hidden behind dark lenses, you can feel them on you. That weight, that piercing sharpness. The dim lights of the store catch faintly against his shades, but you know what lies beneath them: those impossible, crystalline blue irises, as bright and endless as the sky stretched over the sea. 

“Were we, Sparkles?” he repeats, and the way his voice wraps around the nickname makes your pulse stutter. 

Yes.  

No.  

You don’t really know— 

Yes, because you love him. Absurdly, desperately, hopelessly in love with him. 

It didn’t start like this. Not at first. 

Back then, you were just his student. Just another young sorcerer stumbling through the dangerous world of curses, clinging to knowledge and strength where you could find it. And Gojo Satoru had been—everything. 

The Strongest.  

The man who bent space itself with a flick of his hand.  

The one whose name carried weight heavier than any curse, whose existence was enough to tip the scales of entire wars.  

A god in human form—or so it seemed, back then. 

You remember the first time you saw him fight. You’d been standing on the edge of a battlefield, blood pounding in your ears, your own cursed energy trembling weakly at your fingertips. And then—he’d arrived. Laughing. Carefree. Joking as if he weren’t walking into death’s jaws. And with a single gesture, with that cursed technique that seemed more myth than reality, he’d ended it. Just like that. 

You were in awe. Everyone was. 

At first, that was all it was: awe. Admiration. The kind of helpless fascination reserved for legends, for the untouchable. 

But over time, fascination gentled into something else. Into respect, when you glimpsed the man hidden beneath the arrogance and smirks, someone who cared more fiercely than he’d ever admit. Into warmth, when you found him unguarded—slouched across the teachers’ lounge couch, sneaking sweets between lectures, kneeling to tie Megumi’s shoelaces because the boy was too proud to ask. Into fondness, when you realized how faithfully he kept his promises, how endlessly he gave of himself to shield others, even as it chipped away at his own soul. 

And fondness… somehow, somewhere along the way, turned into love. 

Not fleeting, not shallow, not the childish crush of a student on a brilliant mentor.  

But love that dug roots deep into your bones. Love that shifted the axis of your world so that it tilted toward him, always. Love that made your breath catch whenever he called your name, that left your skin burning where his gaze brushed across it, that made your chest ache whenever his laughter rippled careless and warm through the air. 

A love that was terrifying in its weight. 

But no—because you know he doesn’t love you back. 

Not in the way you do. 

You don’t hold it against him. How could you? He carries too much. The burden of his clan. The responsibility of being the strongest. The duty of protecting the fragile balance of a cursed world that would crumble without him. He is a teacher, a mentor, a protector. Guardian—no, almost father—to ‘Gumi and ‘Miki. 

Love has no place in his life. 

Or maybe he doesn’t want it at all. 

Maybe, to him, you’re only his former student. Reliable. Helpful. Someone who lingers at the edge of his orbit. Someone who helps him shoulder the small, ordinary things—errands, groceries, wrangling the kids. A presence that makes his life a fraction easier. Nothing more. 

You don’t know.  

You don’t even want to know. 

Because “yes” opens into hopes too radiant to look at, and “no” unravels into a grief too heavy to hold. “I don’t know” is safer. 

But then—knock. 

His knuckles rap lightly against your forehead, and you jolt out of your spiraling thoughts. 

You blink up at him, startled, and your breath hitches. 

He’s grinning down at you, shades sliding just enough for ocean-blue eyes to slip through—brilliant, boundless, mercilessly alive. Dimples crease his cheeks, his eyes crinkle, and the sheer light of him makes your chest ache. His laughter, low and rich, spills into the air like sunlight through thin curtains, scattering the shadows inside you. And for a moment—just a moment—it doesn’t feel like your heart is breaking, but rising weightless, as if it could float away. 

“It’s way too easy to get under your skin,” he teases, lips quirking higher. “You’re ridiculously easy to mess with, y’know that?” 

“Oh, am I now?” you manage, narrowing your eyes in mock annoyance, but your lips betray you, curving into a soft smile almost immediately. 

“Mmhm.” He hums, grin softening into something quieter. “You should’ve seen your face when I asked you earlier. So pale, so stiff—like I was about to kick you out for real, just because of what that granny said.” 

“You would have asked me to, if it were true… wouldn’t you?” 

The words slip out before you can stop them. 

And his smile—vanishes. 

In a blink, it’s gone. 

His hand stills halfway to the shelf. For a heartbeat, you think it will drop. But instead, he plucks a packet of bourbon creams—your favorite. Then another packet—digestives, the ones you’ve forced him to try. He drops them into the cart with a careless flick of his wrist. 

He glances at the shopping list in your hand, then back at you. 

And then he smiles again. But this one is different. Softer. Almost solemn. A smile so unlike him it feels like a bruise to witness, one that presses regret sharp into your throat for daring to push. 

But your heart won’t shut up. 

“Don’t you ever dream of falling in love, Gojo-san?” The words tumble out before you can catch them, barely more than a murmur, trembling but deliberate. “Don’t you dream of a happily-ever-after? With your ‘one’? Do you…?” 

“No.” His answer comes instantly, sharp enough to make you flinch. His shades slide down further, and his eyes pin you in place. Piercing. Devastating. His grin wavers at the edges, just faintly trembling, when he adds, “And I don’t plan on dreaming ever. Dreaming’s for fools with too much time to spare. Do I look like a fool with too much time to spare, Sparkles?” 

No. He doesn’t. You should say so. You should nod, let it go. Drop the subject. Bury it six feet deep. 

But you don’t. 

You never do. 

“And what happens to those fools?” you press, voice still soft but laced with rawness, sharpened by heat. “What should be done with them? Punished? Ridiculed? Cast aside?” 

He chuckles, breezy as ever. “Don’t be so cruel. People can do what they want. But…” His grin twists into something darker, wry and cutting. “I wouldn’t waste my time on them. Not worth it, talking to people who can’t keep their feet on the ground. Always floating. Meaningless.” 

Your lips part, and the words escape before you can reign them in. 

“Then why are you talking to me?” 

The question lodges itself in the air like a stone hurled into still water. 

Gojo blinks. Once. Twice. Thrice. 

And in the dark tint of his shades, you see yourself splintered, your face collapsing under the weight of your own recklessness. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Always ruining it when things were fine, when things were safe. Always saying too much.  

Then—another knock against your forehead, softer this time, gentler. 

His fingers thread through your hair, lingering just long enough to make your breath stutter. You see his expression shift—something caught between fondness and worry. Something you pray you aren’t just imagining. He tucks your hair behind your ear, fingers hovering just above your jaw, not quite touching. 

And then—he smiles. 

“Maybe because I enjoy talking with you, Sparkles. No matter how foolish you are.” 

The world tilts. 

Your chest knots, your eyes flare—not in pain, but in a feeling far deeper. 

Marriage, some claim, is sacred—a bond that entwines souls, a vow of forever. Others call it meaningless—papers, signatures, ceremonies, all insignificant compared to the truths of the heart. 

Whichever it is—you think you’ll be okay. 

Married to Gojo or not. Loved by him or not. 

As long as— 

As long as you keep finding yourself here. Beside him. In ordinary moments like this. Grocery shopping together under ugly fluorescent lights. Bickering over biscuits. Laughing too loudly in cereal aisles. Standing so close, so comfortable, so completely unguarded— 

That strangers glance over, smile softly, and assume the obvious: 

Assume you’re newlyweds. 

Assume you’re irreversibly, foolishly, blissfully in love with each other. 

notes (2): the idea of this fic is very dear to me as it's the one which brought me back from an almost-permanent hiatus back in february-march 2024. 😌❤️ © tangyneon 2025 || please don't plagiarise, translate or repost this || characters used here aren't mine || title is from here || header is from pinterest || masterlist.

[lostlikesaebyeok]

I was wondering if I could request hcs of squidgame women (especially sae byeok !!!) after you accidentally snapped at them bc you’re stressed if that makes sense? Kind of random but yeah 😭🙏🙏

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔 :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

SHE'S NOT MAD. SHE'S JUST HURT IN A WAY SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TALK ABOUT.

pairings: kang sae-byeok x fem!reader / cho hyun-ju x fem!reader / ji-yeong x fem!reader / kim jun-hee x fem!reader / se-mi x fem!reader

au: established relationship, slice of life

genre: comfort, angst with a soft landing, emotional hurt/comfort, girlfriend scenarios

warnings: mentions of stress, snapping/yelling, implied past trauma, emotional vulnerability, crying, softness, healing, gentle apologies, loving girlfriends

synopsis: they know you didn’t mean it but it still hurts. it’s a bad day and when the weight of everything gets too heavy, sometimes the people you love are the ones who get caught in the crossfire. but here’s the thing, they don't leave, they stay. in the quiet, in the tension, in the forgiveness. each of them, in their own way, teaches you that real love isn’t about never snapping. it’s about finding your way back together.

.⋆♱ KANG SAE-BYEOK:

☆ when you snap at sae-byeok because you're worn out and annoyed, her face doesn't change much. she doesn’t raise her voice or storm out, she just goes still. her eyes remain on you longer than usual, unreadable, as if she's waiting to see if you’ll take it back. when you don’t, her jaw sets the slightest bit tighter, and she quietly turns away.

☆ she doesn't fight back. not because she thinks you're right, but because she grew up surviving silence. she knows what it's like when people attack you for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

☆ but still, it stings. not the snapping, but the fact that you, the one person she lets her guard down around, just pushed her away when she was only trying to be there.

☆ she disappears into the kitchen without a word. you hear her filling the kettle. she’s not irritated, she’s upset but she doesn’t know how to say that without sounding weak. so instead, she lets the silence sit between you, hoping you’ll break it.

☆ sae-byeok isn't good with emotional outbursts. hers or anyone else’s. but she does notice everything. the way you haven’t been able to sleep recently even though you're super tired, and your frequent headaches.

☆ even though you were the one who snapped, she quietly slides you a glass of water a few minutes later and she sips on a cup of tea she made herself. she doesn’t speak or judge you, it’s just a small act of care because that’s how she shows love when words get hard.

☆ when you properly apologise, softly, like you’re the one breaking now, she finally looks at you again and her expression softens just enough that you know she forgives you. “it’s okay,” she says. “just don’t shut me out like that.”

☆ she won’t ask what’s wrong directly. but she’ll sit down beside you, close enough that your shoulders touch, and wait. if you start talking or rambling, venting, or crying she listens without interrupting. sometimes she reaches for your hand, sometimes she doesn’t. but she always stays beside you.

☆ sae-byeok has never needed big fancy apologies, she just needs honesty. so when you whisper, “i didn’t mean it,” and your voice cracks, her thumb brushes over your knuckles in a quiet forgiveness. “i know,” she says under her breath. “but i’m not the enemy, okay?”

☆ later, when things calm down, she might mutter something like, “next time just tell me you’re overwhelmed. i’d get it.” it’s her version of telling you she wants to be your safe place,even if she doesn’t always know how to be.

☆ and if you're still hurting, if you cry and tell her you feel like a terrible girlfriend? she pulls you close, rests her chin on your head, and says, “you’re not. you're just human.” it’s very quiet but it’s the most vulnerable she’s been all day.

☆ sae-byeok never makes you feel like your emotions are too much, just that she wants you to stop carrying them alone.

.⋆♱ CHO HYUN-JU:

☆ you honestly don’t mean to shout at her. it’s just a tough day. one of those slow burns where everything piles up, and then a dish breaks and she keeps asking if you want her to go out and buy some new ones, and suddenly your words come out harder than you mean.

“can you just stop asking me that right now!?”

☆ hyun-ju goes silent immediately. not in fear, but in that still, composed way she always handles conflict: pulling her emotions into herself. she just nods once, then quietly walks into the other room. she doesn’t slam the door, or say anything back to you. you think that's probably worse.

☆ it’s not that she’s irritated, it’s that she thinks she did something wrong. and that’s what breaks your heart into pieces the most.

☆ inside, her mind is spiraling. “maybe i was tiring them, maybe i talk too much, maybe i’m not easy to be with.” she’s not crying but her hands are clenched in her lap. she’s trying to breathe through it like she was taught in the military. structured calm, discipline, don’t be a burden.

☆ her first instinct isn’t to get agitated with you, it’s to protect you from her. she starts thinking about sleeping on the couch and giving you space. waiting for you to calm down because she doesn’t want to trigger anything further. she always, always puts others first, even when she’s hurting.

☆ when you finally come in and whisper, “i didn’t mean that. i’m just stressed. i’m sorry,”

she still doesn’t look up right away. her voice is hushed:

“you don’t have to apologise. i know i can be too much sometimes.”

and that’s when you realise this isn’t about what you said. this is about every time someone in her past made her feel like she was hard to love.

☆ you kneel in front of her, take her hands, and you tell her the truth: “ju, you’re not too much. you’re everything.”

☆ she exhales like she’s been holding that breath for years. the moment your arms wrap around her, her body melts into yours. stiff at first, then tremoring. she finally lets herself cry into your shoulder, quietly and carefully. she’s not used to being held like this.

☆ later that night, you make her favourite tea without asking. she doesn’t say anything, but when you hand it to her, her eyes soften. she presses a kiss to your forehead as a thanks.

☆ she doesn’t hold the argument over your head, she never would. but she also doesn’t pretend it didn’t affect her. you’ll catch her hesitating a little the next time you’re quiet. tiptoeing with her words, just in case.

☆ you start becoming more intentional about reminding her that your bad mood isn’t her fault. that she’s allowed to exist without shrinking, and that she doesn’t have to be perfect to be safe with you.

☆ she slowly begins to trust that. not straightaway, but in the way she lets her guard down more often. the way her laugh grows louder, the way she rests her head in your lap without asking, knowing you’ll never push her away.

☆ hyun-ju isn’t afraid of being yelled at, she’s afraid of being abandoned. and that’s why your apology, your gentleness, your consistency mean the world to her. she doesn’t need you to be perfect, she just needs to know you’ll stay.

☆ after everything she’s been through. the violence, the rejection, the quiet doubts? you’re the first person who makes her feel like softness isn’t a liability.

☆ and from that day forward, she learns that real love can be messy sometimes but it always, always comes back home.

.⋆♱ JI-YEONG:

☆ ji-yeong doesn’t react right away when you snap. she freezes and just looks at you with those sad, steady eyes of hers. like she’s trying to figure out if that was really meant for her. her body doesn’t shy away, but something subtle in her expression does. it’s not hurt, just a little confusion.

☆ she doesn’t snap back at you or shout. ji-yeong doesn’t do yelling, she’s lived through too much of it. so instead, she goes still. she just says in that soft, raspy voice, “okay.” just one word, clipped and detached like she’s trying to not make it worse, because she’s learned the hard way that her silence is safer than pushing.

☆ the room gets quieter than it was before. you were overwhelmed by being touched out and it all built up until it spilled over, and she just happened to be in the way.

☆ she gives you space, not to be frigid or bitter. just instinctually. she grabs her hoodie and disappears to the back steps, so she can be with her headphones and her cigarette (though she’s trying to quit). she doesn’t slam the door, she closes it gently. because even when she’s hurt, she never wants to scare you.

☆ ji-yeong doesn't cry easily, but when she does, it's private. she wipes her face with her sleeve and curses under her breath. not at you, but at herself. for thinking she could ever be someone’s soft place when she still backs away at loud voices and doesn't know what love without fear feels like.

☆ your apology means everything to her when you come to find her, even if your voice is shaking and you don’t know how to say it, she listens. she always listens and she’s not the type to try and get the most out of you or make you flatter her. she just nods slowly, looks down at her knees and mumbles,

“i know you didn’t mean it.”

because she does, even if it stung. she knows.

but then, quieter:

“just don’t talk to me like that. please.”

like she’s asking you not to become someone from her past.

☆ ji-yeong forgives with this quiet kind of kindness that makes you want to cry. she just leans into your side after a while, her head on your shoulder, her fingers loosely hooked in yours like they always are when things are good. she’ll say something jokey to break the tension:

“you owe me bubble tea now, y’know. extra pearls.”

and it’s her way of saying we’re okay.

☆ later, when you’re curled up in bed with her, you whisper sorry again and she just buries her face in your neck and sighs like she’s exhaling a week’s worth of fear.

“you’re allowed to be overwhelmed,” she tells you. “just don’t push me away.” she just wants honesty, softness, and room to stay.

☆ after everything she’s been through, ji-yeong doesn’t need a perfect relationship. but she does need to feel safe, she needs to know that your love won’t turn vicious when it’s tired, that your frustration won’t make her walk on eggshells.

☆ and the next time she’s the one overwhelmed, she notices that you give her that softness back. you let her fall apart without punishing her for it. and in those quiet little exchanges like bringing her snacks she forgot she wanted, or helping her untangle her headphones while she mutters curses, you show her she’s worth loving gently. even on the bad days.

☆ ji-yeong doesn’t say “i love you” often. but the next time she does, it’s late at night, your hands in her hair, her voice muffled into your chest:

“thank you for not leaving.”

and it sounds a lot like i love you anyway.

.⋆♱ KIM JUN-HEE:

☆ jun-hee's always been so kind, painfully kind. she never shouts, never gets angry, never guilt trips. she’s just patient. for you, for baby ha-eun, for the quiet little home you’ve built together.

☆ but that day, you snapped. it wasn’t meant for her. it was the bills, the crying, the lack of sleep, the way ha-eun had been extra particular, the way your job kept piling pressure on you, and you hadn’t had a moment to breathe. she asked if you could hold the baby while she made dinner and you just lashed out:

“god, can’t you just do it yourself for once?”

☆ you hadn’t meant it really the second the words left your mouth, you already wanted to swallow them whole but the damage was done.

☆ jun-hee looked sad and ha-eun blinked up at you, as if confused why the house didn’t feel soft and warm like usual.

☆ jun-hee just nodded.

“okay.”

her voice was small. it wasn't hurt or cross, her voice was just understanding as if she thought she deserved it.

☆ she took ha-eun into her arms, gave you a tiny smile you knew was fake, and disappeared into the nursery with her.

☆ the silence that followed was the worst part and that silence said i don’t want to be a burden.

☆ you sat on the edge of the bed with your head in your hands, guilt rotting in your lungs. she didn’t deserve that after everything she’d been through. the betrayal, the abandonment, the quiet heartbreak of raising ha-eun alone until you, she didn’t deserve your stress bleeding onto her.

☆ by the time you came out to apologise, she was humming softly to ha-eun, rocking her to sleep in the chair. her eyes were tired, but calm. her hair was messy from where ha-eun tugged on it earlier. she still looked like your home.

☆ you whispered her name, and she looked up at you like you hadn’t just pushed her away an hour ago, like she still loved you just the same.

☆ “i’m sorry,” you said softly, stepping into the dark room.

she didn’t ask why you snapped at her. she just smiled, exhausted and soft, and breathed, “i know. come sit with me?”

☆ you sat beside her and buried your head in her shoulder. she leaned her head against yours and let the silence say everything you couldn’t.

☆ later that night, she cuddled up against you in bed with her fingers tracing soft shapes into your palm.

“i know it’s hard,” she said under her breath. “but we’re okay, you don’t have to carry it alone.”

☆ and that’s the thing with jun-hee. she never makes you beg for forgiveness. she gives it quietly, in soft touches and the warmth of her body next to yours. not because she’s weak, but because she knows what it’s like to be lashed out at by someone who’s supposed to love you. she knows the difference between abuse and a human mistake and she never confuses the two.

☆ after that, she starts checking in with you more. not in a hovering way, just little things.

“did you eat today?”

“ha-eun and i are going for a walk, do you want to come?”

“you’ve been working hard. maybe you need a slow morning.”

☆ she never holds that moment against you. she knows people break sometimes, but she always, always makes sure you know:

“you’re still a good person. you’re still the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”

☆ and when you finally hold ha-eun again that night, she gurgles happily in your arms like nothing happened and jun-hee watches you from the kitchen, heart full, still in love with you even on your worst days.

.⋆♱ SE-MI:

☆ you snapped at se-mi. there was way too many thoughts in your head, too much pressure weighing on your shoulders. you used the wrong tone, the wrong words but the second they left your mouth, you saw it in her eyes. that look. not hurt but a subtle shift, like she braced herself for impact.

☆ se-mi doesn’t raise argue back to you and that's what you notice. you expect her to argue because she always stands her ground but instead, she just goes silent. not in a spiteful or snide way, more like she’s thinking carefully about why you sounded like that.

☆ “…are you okay?”

her voice comes low. it's not soft, it's more careful instead like she’s choosing not to take it personally, she’s choosing you instead of the moment.

☆ she’s the kind of person who refuses to be anyone’s punching bag but when it comes to you, she gives more grace than she gives the rest of the world. not because she’s weak but it's because she knows you. she sees past the bite in your tone and recognises the extreme tiredness underneath.

☆ wheb you push her again, because you keep snapping, she calls it out.

“you don’t get to take your stress out on me just because you’re overwhelmed.”

it’s firm, her eyes don’t budge. she’s not mad, she’s just not accepting the way you talk to her. not for her pride, but for the health of what you’re building together.

☆ once she realises you’re not actually angry at her, just overwhelmed in general, she softens fast. like water poured over fire, like muscle untensing.

☆ “come here.”

she pulls you into her arms with the same bold energy she uses when defending someone else. it’s strong, intentional, and safe. she lets you rest your head on her chest, her hand sliding up your back in slow circles.

“you don’t have to carry it alone, you know.”

☆ if you try to apologise mid spiral, she cuts you off gently but firmly:

“hey. breathe first, talk later.”

she knows how your brain works when it’s in overdrive, knows when you need space and when you need grounding. she’s learned the how your worst days go.

☆ se-mi might not be the softest person to the outside world, but with you? she’s gentle in the way a wall is gentle, she lets you lean without falling. she holds firm when you feel like you’re falling to pieces.

☆ she orders food without asking you because she knows you won’t have the energy to make a decision. she tosses you her hoodie and says, “you’re not leaving the couch until you’ve eaten and slept. doctor's orders.” (she’s not a doctor, but you wouldn’t dare argue.)

☆ later that night, she cuddled up next to you in bed, arm around your waist, forehead resting against yours. there’s no tension left in her, just warmth. “next time you feel like you’re gonna explode, talk to me. i’m not scared of your bad days.”

☆ she doesn’t just forgive you for snapping, she understands why it happened. she doesn’t excuse it, she doesn’t let it slide without accountability, but she refuses to let one moment define the relationship.

☆ and maybe days later, once it has passed, she’ll smirk a little and tease,

“you looked so scary when you yelled, i almost called the police.”

and then she kisses your cheek before you can pout and mumbles,

“lucky for you, you’re cute when you’re angry.”

thank u for reading, angel ♡

(*´∀`)♪ likes = them cuddling you

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[chaoticace2005]

TADC Episode 6 Analysis Part 1: Zooble and Gangle (Internalized Ableism and Self Acceptance)

As someone who is genderqueer and neurodivergent, who also has fibromyalgia, depression, and anxiety, the conversation between Zooble and Gangle really hits a cord with me.

We see in the previous episodes how Zooble continues to be a safe space for Gangle, and that only continues here, which not only showcases their strong bond but also the way community can feel (the times I felt more supported and understood was in the presence of other people who had similar experiences.) I really wanted to break down their conversation and throw in my thoughts/analysis of it because I loved this.

“You’re a human. You’re not his toy.”

“It sometimes doesn't feel that way.”

I wanted to start off here because one thing that catches by attention is the way people with disabilities can be objectified and whittled down to JUST their disability by others. We see this with Jax and the way he seems to only view Gangle as the "sad one", questioning if she even has the capacity to be happy. Jax has his own issues and as we see, assigns archetypes to everyone, but the fact remains that Gangle feels that the only thing she is is her mood disorder, which Jax plays with. Sometimes people like to "test" people with disabilities to see how they react (asking invasive questions, testing the vision of a blind person or the hearing of a deaf person with little reason, antagonizing someone with a mental disability because it's "funny."

“These avatar gimmicks, huh? Makes you wonder why no one else got them.”

Then we have this line from Zooble, which makes me consider the idea of if their avatars are linked to who they are (like the way Ragatha is a doll (possibly viewing herself as a one to her mother) or Kinger is a chess piece (which could hint at his hidden intelligence and strategic thinking.)) It's possible that the digital circus bases their avatars on things they're insecure about (which could explain why Pomni is a jester (she wants to be taken seriously) and Jax is a rabbit (rabbit are a prey animal known for being jumpy and he's also stereotypical "female" colors.)) The fact Gangle's avatar centers so much around her masks (and also is a ribbon, something that is very easily bent out of shape and isn't stable) and Zooble's is about replaceable body parts (not knowing fully who they are, or possibly relating to a physical disability they have in the real world.)

In addition, it makes sense they would have these "avatar gimmicks" because these traits are still part of them. This could be the game's way of trying to accommodate their differences, since it's not something programming could "get rid of" (Caine does have some influence on their mind but this goes beyond that, this is part of them, and having the program change it would be like "curing" it (and who says they have to be "cured?")

“I just wish that… how are you supposed to like the part of yourself that just… makes you worse than everyone else?”

The internalized ableism is so strong here and AHHH GANGLE-

I understand her though, because to her it feels like her depression and mania just ruin things both herself and everyone else. In episode 4 we see how she feels after the adventure and how she worries she made people hate her. She care a lot about the safety of her happy mask because she likely doesn't want to "bum people out."

The way her emotions change and she feels things isn't necessarily like most of the other people here, and she takes that as a bad thing. We see this with systemic ableism and society as a whole, where we've taken the model of a "perfect standard human" and made it so that's the expectation, that's what things are built upon, and anything falling outside of that is seen as wrong and in need of fixing. Buildings have stairs because it's "expected" of a person to be able to walk up and down them, elevators are only added after due to the pushback and advocacy of people (but if nobody spoke up, we would just go on without an elevator and make the people who can't use the stairs just have to "deal with it.")

With physical disabilities, we see efforts for accommodation (although it is still severely limited in areas) but for mental disabilities it's much different, as if people are expected to just adjust. And if they can't, it's their fault. This can cause feelings of self-loathing and resentment for that part of who they are, because they are told it's a problem that should be fixed (and why should they have to "fix it", why can't they just be accomodated for it?)

With Gangle, one of the only people who appears to make strides to try and support her is Zooble, because Zooble understands and accepts that this is a part of her, and that not everyone is the same. With most of the other characters, they don't fully understand. Which can make them frustrated with Gangle and make Gangle feel like she's the problem.

“‘Cause it exists. It’s a part of you that’s real, and the only you that you should care about is the real you. You have to choose to love yourself even if it doesn’t make sense. It’s not natural. It’s intentional.”

First off... ZOOBLE YOU DROPPED YOUR CROWN-

Okay, but actually, this is so beautifully put. I love this show saying that you should love all parts of you, because they exist. You don't need to "fix" things. And this works really well coming from Zooble due to the way it may connect to their queer identity.

Before you fully accept yourself, you may view the parts of yourself that are different as "wrong" and in need of changing (think of the pressure some people feel to culturally assimilate, or the way some people just try to "be straight" or "be cis" or how ABA therapy can discourage certain behaviors that are just part of someone.)

Zooble appears to be confident in their identity now, but they may have had personal struggles with their identity in the past, so they could be speaking from personal experience. We see back in episode 3 how they dislike their body, yet in now it appears to be something they've taken in more stride (the way built themselves an OP body to fight Jax and Pomni.) We see Zooble accepting themselves more in live time, and it's great to see them now imparting advice on Gangle.

In terms of characters, Zooble was always one who as more sure of themselves, so I like them explaining how they got to that point, the implication that this self-acceptance is something they worked for is so beautiful.

“Have… you ever had to make that choice? Sorry I mean- of course not. You’re Zooble.”

And then we have this line from Gangle, which further illustrates how Zooble is viewed as one of the people who is more self-accepting. The way Gangle sort of holds them on a pedestal shows that she looks up to them, but possibly thinks who Zooble is isn't attainable for her. Gangle only sees the person they are now, and how they compare to her. She struggles to imagine the idea that Zooble may not have always been that way.

In a lot of ways this conversation has a more seasoned, confident in their identity person imparting wisdom on someone who is struggling to accept and love themselves (think of like an elder gay to young gay conversation.) As someone queer, looking at older queer people with happy lives always fills me with so much hope, especially when they make it clear that they were in our position in the past. It shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and things can get better.

Given Gooseworx's own identity of a trans person I can't help but feel like Zooble's voice could possibly also be hers in a way, and she's speaking directly to the audience, telling us things that she may have wished she had been told.

Anyways... Zooble deserves a crown and Gangle deserves a hug :)

[redsbookshelf]

I LOVE YOUR CLARK KENT WORKS SM 😩 and saw your post of asking for requests, I badly need to read a jealous clark after all the tension from the previous ones, i need him yearning lmaoooo

HI!! Thank you so much, baby! I'm soooo sorry this has taken me so long to get to, I started writing this not too long ago, but it didn't save :(

I also wanted to wait to write this because I felt like this would go best between parts four and five, so definitely make sure you've read "The right girl next door" before this for it to make the most sense!

He's not like possessive in this, I don't think that would fit his character much at the moment, so I hope this is what you were wanting!!

I hope you love this mini part, Xoxo - Scar. 💋

Dividers by @bernardsbendystraws

It's been a few days since your Wednesday night dinner with the Kent's, along with your back porch talk Clark about where the both of you stand. You haven't had much time to talk to him, being slammed with work during the Talons busy day long "rush hours", you seriously don't know how people who work in the coffee shops in Metropolis survive.

Clark has been sweet enough to pop in though, making half truth excuses about needing his third cup of coffee for the day because he's so worn out from his extra chores during the summer, you know he's just coming to see you though. The way his face lights up every time he walks in, his body gravitating right towards you, passing Lana with a short, "Hey, how are you?".

You don't want to be one of those girls that felt excited when a man stops giving attention to other women, and you aren't, you trust Lana. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't make you feel good when he makes it so obvious which girl he's really there for.

It's early into your shift, most Sunday mornings are pretty busy, but thankfully it's calmed down some. You don't expect Clark for a few more hours, not that it's confirmed that he's going to come anyway, but you know Clark Kent.

Growing up, Clark was attached to your hip, not physically of course, affection rarely going farther than the occasional hug—something about not wanting to hurt you, but he was always where you were. At your house? Clark was there. At the Fordman's department store? Clark was there. Walking down the road to clear your head? Clark found you. And if you were no where to be found, off with friends, your location unbeknownst to your parents, Clark was in your room, waiting on your Bay window, watching your driveway like a hawk.

It wasn't creepy, no. It was sweet, he couldn't function without you around, he had to tell you everything, wanted to hear everything about you. He loved you so loudly at one point in time, even though it wasn't the way you did. You were clingy too, in the sense that you just wanted to know where he was, you didn't have to be talking to him, you didn't need to be touching him, just seeing him across the hallways at school, his easy smile in your direction as he talked to what was the new girl Chloe Sullivan, that was enough for you. In a sense, you've always loved him from a distance.

So, after Clark's absence in your life for the last three years, the way he's easing back into his clinginess is almost like whiplash. It's not bad per se, it's just overwhelming, you had gotten used to having to seek him out to even just see him, now he's at your place of employment every shift you work. You can't decide if you hate it or love it, although you're definitely leaning towards the latter.

You're taking a breather now that the rush hour is over, standing infront of the counter, fiddling with your jewelry, when you hear a voice call your name form behind you. You whip around, not initially recognizing the voice, met with a friend of yours from the beginning of this last school year. You hadn't seen him sense the football season had ended, he said his parents had to move temporarily for a few months due to business with Luther Corp. in Metropolis.

"Oh, my goodness, Josh." You exclaimed, walking towards him, "I can't believe you're back, how are you?" He smiles, pulling you in for a friendly hug, after all, you're both touchy people. "I'm doing great, Y/n. Metropolis is awesome. How've you been?" He returns. You both fall into easy conversation, catching up on big events from the last six months or so. Little did you know, Clark walked in at the worst moment, right when Josh pulled you into that friendly hug, and to Clark it didn't look friendly at all.

He tried to remind himself, you're not his, he can't get jealous, it's not his place, yet. That unfortunately doesn't stop the jealousy coursing through his veins at the sight of you smiling up at the boy you were talking to. Clark knows the guy, they took biology together. When Clark realized the two of you were getting closer, he decided to figure out a little more about him. Josh is a really good kid, his dad works for Luther Corp, he plays football, 3.75 GPA, hangs around good kids, obviously if you're around.

Maybe that's the problem, maybe the fact that this guy is everything an average highschooler would want is the problem, who is Clark compared to him? Clark's short-winded spiral is cut off by Lana, who followed Clark's tense gaze right to you and your friend when he walked in. "Are you gonna keep staring like some angry creep or are you going to actually go talk to the girl you're here for?" She's teasing, but Clark knows there's some truth behind it, he probably does look like some sort of jealous creep.

Clark gives Lana an awkward smile, the kind you give someone after you've been caught doing something embarrassing, it says, "I'm caught, but there's nothing I can do but laugh it off." She nods her head in his direction, "Well, go." she lets out a small laugh as he ducks his head down and started walking towards you.

You're so engrossed in the conversation that you don't even realize Clark is coming up beside you until you feel his warm, large, protective hand on the small of your back. It shocks you at first, turning around to be met with Clark's chest before craning your head up to look at him. His jaw is tense, shoulders back like he's on guard, but his eyes are soft as his eyes meet yours. "Clark, you're early today." You utter with enthusiasm, he had been popping in consistently yes, but after your friend coming in and the morning rush coming to an end, you're especially excited.

"Yeah, my mom needed something from the store, I figured I would come grab some coffee on the way back." Although his explanation isn't short, his tone is bland. His hand hasn't moved, in fact, his grip on you has tightened slightly.

Hearing his tone, you try to lighten the mood, not knowing what was upsetting him, but making a mental note to ask later. "You remember Josh, right? He's back from Metropolis." You say, hoping Clark will feel a little better seeing him, they even played football together for a short period of time. "Yeah, yeah. Hey, how's it going?" Clark's tone lightens a bit, a facade of politeness taking over, but his hand on your back and his tense shoulders tell you other wise.

Josh and Clark talk for no more than a minute before Josh takes the hint and makes some sorry excuse to leave. "It was really good seeing you, Y/n, we should catch up sometime." He smiles, shoving his hands in his pockets while glancing up at Clark. "Yes, for sure, just call by my house or my cell, we can plan something." You return the smile as he gives you a short nod before some what hurriedly walking out of the Talon.

Turning towards Clark, his hand tracing your waist as you turn, "What was that about?" You question, brows furrowing has he tries to avoid your gaze. "What was what about?" He turns it back on you, looking towards the ground. His hand rest easy on your hip now, his grip is no longer territorial, it's just there to feel you now.

"You know what, Clark. Since when do you act like that?" Clark's lack of response tells you enough, realization setting in when he finally meets your eyes. "Are you jealous Clark?" You question, you don't mean to just put him on the spot, but you can't help yourself.

Clark fumbles over his words, trying to find any possible explanation for why he was acting like some jealous guard dog, but he can't lie to you. His head drops down to look at the floor, giving up on even trying to speak. He's still angry about the way Josh hugged you, the way you smiled at him, but he's not angry at you, he's just upset it wasn't him.

"Clark," You try, but you get no response. You look around, trying to find Lana, your gaze meets hers as she turns around from a costumers table, "Can you cover me for a second?" you mouth across the room. She nods, her eyes going back and fourth between Clark's dropped head, his hand on your hip, and furrowed brows looking right back at her.

You place your hand on Clark's, the size of his hand was drastic compared to yours. "Come on, lets go talk in the back." Guiding Clark's hand off your hip, using it to guide him to the back.

As you walk through the door to the back, you release Clark's hand, remaining quiet. You're hoping he'll just talk, give you an explanation for his behavior, but he doesn't. He's standing there, looking like a guilty dog.

"Well...?" You trail off, arms crossed lazily as you look at him. "I saw him hugging you," He starts. You're a little confused, Clark's never been phased by your affection towards other people. "Okay?" You don't ask with attitude, you're genuinely curious for his response.

"I," He takes a deep breath, "I just didn't like seeing him touch you like that." he admits quietly, barely meeting your eyes, ready for you to get mad at him, to tell him he had no right to feel that way.

"Clark," You begin, trying to figure out what to say, but he beats you to it. "Look, I know I didn't have any right, it just made me angry to see another guy touching you and getting your attention when I want it to be me. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to scare him off." His tone is honest, hands shoved in the pockets of his worn denim.

"Clark, I'm not mad," You state, "You aren't?" he returns. "No, I'm a little upset that you scared him off, but if anyone understands feeling jealous it's me. Just don't act that way about it next time, I know we aren't official or anything, but I'm not going anywhere Clark."

You take a few steps forward, resting your palms on his biceps. "I've spent all this time trying to get you back, you don't need to worry about me getting swept off my feet by a guy that isn't you." Clark's eyes meet yours fully, his face breaking out in a small smile, "Yeah?" he teases, but there's sincerity behind it. "Yeah, Clark."

His hands meet your waist, pulling your body to his, wrapping his arms around you. You're a little taken aback at first before you settle into the hug, wrapping your arms around him as his head comes to rest in the bend of your neck. You run your fingers through his hair, feeling what seems like a sigh of contentment escape him.

For that moment, it felt like it was just the two of you, standing in the back of the Talon holding onto one another.

"Y/n, you know I hate to interrupt whatever is going on, but I need you out here, seven people just walked in." Lana's face is dressed in a smile as she peeks her head through the door. You and Clark pull apart from each other, his eyes meeting the ground before looking at Lana. He squeezes your hand, "I'll see you later?" he asked hopefully. "Yeah, I'll come by after work, I've gotta drop some stuff off anyways."

He smiles at you, "Bye, Y/n" he says before turning towards the door, passing Lana. Once he's out of sight, Lana raises her eyebrows at you, "God, I don't even know, just don't question it." you laugh as you walk back through the doors.

Maybe you were getting closer to the mystery that is Clark Kent, or maybe he's just finally starting to reciprocate your feelings, maybe Clark Kent isn't a mystery after all.

This took me like four days to write because I kept rewriting it LMAO

Lmk what y'all think!

Taglist: @animegamerfox @ifilwtmfc @itsjusta-prank-han @realmermaid777 @unclearblur

[stolitzsings]

All of the above is Correct and also after Mastermind ngl, I kind of think Ozzie is a coward 👀👀👀

LIKE. Fizz was literally begging him to save Blitz's life, and thank fuck for his relationship that Stolas stepped in to be a self-sacrificing dumbass. And then he just. Let Stolas be punished, because that solves his problems. He knew Blitz had a crystal, knew he hadn't stolen the book, knew Stolas wasn't some grand schemer and CERTAINLY knew that Blitz had never "forced" himself on Stolas.

He already threw Stolas under the bus once in "Ozzie's" to distract from his own scandalous relationship, and in "Mastermind" he shows that he's willing to go along with Hell's injustices as long as it doesn't get too close to home. To be fair, I'm not entirely sure what he could have done to fix the situation in Mastermind, but Bee was willing to speak up even though her only interaction with Blitz was "got fucked up at my party but seems like a cool dude," while Ozzie's interactions with him were "protected Fizz from malicious "fans" and helped give him the push to leave his contract with Mammon," "helped save Fizz's life when he got kidnapped" (although it's debatable iirc if Ozzie knows about that part), and "is the guy Stolas has feelings for."

To be clear, this is not intended to drag Ozzie or say he's a bad guy or a bad character! In fact, I think this aspect of his personality, his willingness to stick with the hierarchy when he can, would be really interesting to explore! After all, he is a Sin, he'd be one of the hardest beings in Hell to take down, but he also has the most to lose by going against Hell's rules. And it's clear from "Oops" that he's already considered the easiest Sin to target. It makes sense that he doesn't want to rock the boat more than he has to. And tbh I think it makes him much more interesting than just him and Fizz being the "wholesome, well-adjusted" version of stolitz. Like. This is Hell, everyone's a little fucked-up.

Anyway I absolutely love the way that Mastermind went down and from a plot perspective, I definitely don't think that he should have *successfully* intervened during the trial. However, I do think his paralysis during Blitz's near-execution, and his total lack of action during Stolas's banishment, are worth talking about, and I think they'd be interesting to dig into a little

A HUGE shout-out to Stolas! This owl was such a MVP in Oops! Without him, Ozzie would've signed the contract which, unknowingly to Ozz, would've sealed Fizzarolli's fate as Crimson's wall decoration!

[poorlittleyaoyao]

Since I'm officially halfway through all of SVSSS, some general thoughts!

Shen Yuan remains the guy of all time. DOWN with "relatable" bland wisecracking everyman male protagonists who are fully inept yet somehow simultaneously the Most Badass with minimal effort, UP with weird insufferable nerds who actually put in some effort to be good at shit within the world they're in.

MXTX is a genius for coming up with PIDW as a setting. It can make as much or as little sense as the situation requires. Is the cultivation sword rental shop something that already existed, or something she threw in because SQQ needed to fly but she remembered he didn't have Xiu Ya with him? Doesn't matter! How did anyone here master cultivation? Irrelevant! You can't have inconsistencies in a setting made entirely of inconsistencies by design! It must be so freeing.

Based on dash osmosis, I thought there'd be way more of Shang Qinghua and Mobei-jun than there has been. They were barely in Vol. 2 even though they're on the back cover!

Also!! MORE SHA HUALING!! There has been more of her than expected, tbh, but I want to know what her day-to-day is like! And WHEN do we get to find out about Liu Mingyan's fujoshi tendencies? Did fanart lie to me?

100% understand why people want Liu Qingge and Jiang Cheng to interact, but I raise you: Liu Qingge and Nie Mingjue.

Still holding out hope that Gongyi Xiao is fine and but is now secretly evil or something.

Leave! Zhuzhi-lang! Alone!!!!

I'm so happy anytime Ning Yingying and Ming Fan show up. Look at them being functional adults! Possibly the only ones here!

Distressed in advance about the Shen Jiu and Yue Qingyuan lore.

[vvitchering]

Just thinking about the fact that ART is a deep space research ship. It's obviously not seen everything the universe has to offer but its seen A Lot. And it loves its function! It loves to learn and teach about all the weird and wondrous things space has to offer! But by its very nature as a ship, it's pretty limited in its ability to study much else.

And I think that would grate on it.

And then it meets a really weird SecUnit. A really weird SecUnit who is independent and mobile and doesn't mind if the nosy overbearing and insatiably curious transport tags along with it in it's head when it goes planetside.

SecUnit hates planets. ART wants it to see and touch and smell everything. It wants to experience mud and wind and disgusting lake water like they're precious and new and interesting and it occurs to SecUnit that they kind of are, to ART. Imagine they both go along on a routine survey. The planet is safe (mostly), no one gets eaten, SecUnit's many pockets are stuffed full of samples to take back to the ship so ART can analyze them to it's metaphorical heart's content later.

The sun is setting. The humans aren't packing up just yet, though. There's something more still to see. SecUnit has kept it as secret as one can when sharing literal brain-space with another being, so ART knows its plotting something but can't tell what.

Everyone clambers into tiny boats just as the sun sets below the horizon (not before SecUnit makes sure everyone is wearing their emergency flotation devices. It very much does not want to have to get into that algae infested water to pull out drowning humans tonight)

ART finds the difference in the environment during the planet's night cycle interesting, and the gentle motion of their tiny watercraft is pleasant and soothing according to SecUnit's senses, but it doesn't quite seem interesting enough for SecUnit to have been so secretive about it.

It's startling to feel the smile spread across SecUnit's face as its organic brain releases heady streams of serotonin and dopamine.

'Look,' it directs in their shared feed as it leans over the side of its tiny watercraft.

ART has seen nebula being born. Clouds of cosmic dust formed into pillars and clouds that shine in spectrums of colors that cannot be perceived by most organic lifeforms. It has mapped countless stars and distant galaxies and chased comets across the infinite blackness of space.

It cannot gasp, it has no lungs. But the feeling of sudden awe it exudes pushes the air from SecUnit's lungs in sympathy.

The lake water has transformed from murky and slightly brown to deepest black in the darkness. The stars in the sky above reflect on its surface but it almost seems as if there is a glow coming from the water itself. The boat leaves a trail as it glides across the surface, glowing faintly blue and green.

'Bioluminescence,' SecUnit provides, a little smug at the profound silence the sight has produced in its passenger. 'Algae in the water glows when it's stirred up. It's pretty cool in the dark, right?'

ART knows what bioluminescence is, of course. It's recorded in one of its many, many databases. But as its been learning recently, there is an enormous difference between knowing something and Experiencing something.

SecUnit glances up and spots the other boats in the darkness, checks its feed connections with the team, makes sure everyone is safe. The trails of glowing algae stretch out behind them all, like comet trails but in shimmering color.

The sight still has ART speechless but it gathers itself together enough to pay attention when SecUnit pings it gently.

'Now watch this.'

SecUnit reaches a hand down over the side of the boat and breaks the inky surface with just the tips of it's fingers. The shimmer becomes a riot of little lights and colors, swirling around and clinging to SecUnit's fingers. In the dark it looks as though its immersed itself in the universe itself, stars dripping from its fingers. It slides it's hand in deeper, past its palm, submerged to its wrist, and brings it back to the surface. Entire galaxies rain from its finger now, nebula pooling in its palm.

They don't speak for a while. ART's processing power means that its entirely capable of taking in and processing the data it's receiving from SecUnit in a fraction of a second. There is no real need to focus on it for as long as it does. It has no desire to look away. Possibly ever.

[zombiequeens]

I loved your mood board of “meeting Perpetua at a masquerade ball”.

Would you be interested in writing a short story about that?

Or meeting Perpetua at a Halloween party would be a good idea, too. (I was thinking of Halloween earlier today).

rolls up sleeves I can't tell you how often I think about meeting Perpetua at a masquerade ball to fall asleep at night ♡ I hope you like it!!!

I also don't remember making the moodboard so I hope this ask was intended for me!!!

Tonight is the night of the annual masquerade ball at the strange ministry on the outskirts of town, and as you approach the entrance of the grand hall, the bustling, busy sound of the lively gathering echoing down the opulent hallway, you begin to wonder if you made a mistake in coming here tonight.

You've heard all kinds of rumours about the congregation since you moved to this town a few months ago; talk of secret rituals, blood sacrifice and wild parties held in the dead of night beneath full moons. That said, the more people tell you about this organisation and what they stand for, the more drawn to the idea of them you are. In the solemn shadow of your own religious trauma, the ministry stands out like a bright, shining light, leading you towards liberation and healing. When you had opened your mailbox a week before to discover the invite, it seemed like a no-brainer. Even so, you've never been to so much as a house party before, let alone a grandiose masked ball.

You take a slow, deep breath and straighten out the violet silk of your gown before stepping into the hall. A startling amount of information floods your senses as you stop dead in your tracks to absorb it all; the sound of cheerful laughter and conversation, the bright tone of the melody being played by the band on the stage in the centre of the room lighting every dark corner of the vast hall, luxurious satin gowns and crafted masks of rich, vibrant colours; the vision almost becoming a kaleidoscope, the sequins and stones catching the light as people dance and sway beneath the bright chandeliers hanging from the painted ceiling.

Is this what I've been missing out on for all of these years?

Before you can let your mind sink any deeper into the depths of your grief, you feel a gentle tap on your shoulder.

You spin around to see a man wearing a silver mask in the style of the top portion of a skull on his face, clad in a metallic slate suit and black silk shirt and tie to match. He has hair as dark as the night itself, curly and in slight disarray as it rests on his shoulders. The detail that strikes you the most, however, is the colour of his eyes. His left eye is a cold, piercing white while his right iris is the hue of nephrite jade.

"Can I help you, young lady? You seem a little lost..." He smiles cordially as he studies you, cocking his head slightly.

"Oh, no...I-uh, I've never been to anything like this before. I'm just taking it all in..." You force a weak smile as you struggle to maintain eye contact with the bewitching apparition before you.

"Are you here alone?" He asks as his low, husky voice softens.

"Y-yes." You stutter as you fidget uncomfortably. "But it's okay! I don't dance. I mean, I don't dance in front of other people, so I'd be no use as a date, really..."

"It doesn't feel right that you should attend your first ball and not dance," The man frowns. "But I have an idea. Come with me."

The odd, enchanting spectre takes your hand in his and leads you through the crowd, people pausing to look at you both in shock and awe as you wonder if you have actually been spirited away by a ghost. Though, strangely, he only manifested in your life minutes ago, and yet you feel as though you'd let him lead you anywhere, the faux leather of his glove shielding and warming your hand in his.

"People are looking..." You utter in a hushed tone, growing more anxious as each new pair of eyes meet yours.

The man chuckles. "I know. Pay it no mind."

You nod, resolving to try and keep your eyes on him until you make it out of the grand hall and into the darkness of the young night, the full moon leaving only the most elusive shadows of the landscape untouched by it's luminous glow.

"Where are we going?"

"My favourite place to be free of perceiving eyes." He turns his head to the side and smirks, his white eye gleaming as he glances at you over his shoulder.

The man leads you deep into the grounds of the ministry, through gardens of vibrant, blooming flowers and lush, green forestland as you approach a small plaza in a clearing. In the centre of the stone pavement is a large fountain with a statue of a man and a woman reaching out to each other over the clear, cascading water but missing each other's touch by a single hair.

"This place is beautiful..." You breathe, turning to the strange man with wide eyes.

He turns to face you, mismatched eyes twinkling like the stars in the midnight sky above you as you can't help but admire his sculpted features in the moonlight. The curve of the tip of his nose, the straight angle of his jaw, the artistry of his congruous Cupid's bow as his lips curl into a smile when his eyes find yours.

"Yes, it is." He slowly walks to stand in front of you, lifting your hand up to his perfect lips to plant a soft kiss on your knuckle. "Now, may I have this dance?"

A swarm of butterflies swarm inside your chest as you nod, almost wondering if you've found yourself inside a dream.

"I-I've never danced before, you know..." You mumble as he pulls you into his arms, your body flush against his.

"It's okay, follow my lead..." He grins. "I'll still invite you to next year's ball if you step on my toes.''

You blush, relaxing into his safe hold as he begins to slowly waltz you around the fountain. "I'll try not to."

"Cinderella, you will dance at the ball." He grins, leaning down to whisper in your ear. "Or, at least, in close proximity to it."

You both chuckle as you follow his lead, in awe of his grace and prowess as he effortlessly twirls you around the fountain.

"I was wondering," You breathe. "What's your name?"

"Perpetua."

"Perpetua? Like the saint?" You raise an eyebrow at him, trying not to let your eyes linger for too long on his for fear of not being able to ever tear them away.

"Do I look like a saint to you, my little Cinderella?"

Not quite, but don't let that stop you from uttering my name on your knees like prayer, you strange, beautiful creature.

You shake your head as if to dust off your own thoughts. "Looks can be deceiving."

"You say that as though I'm going to be deceived by yours..." Perpetua grins, looking down at you with curiosity. "Are you not a princess?"

"I hate to break it to you, but I'm just a girl from a small town who came here to escape her past. I couldn't be further from royalty, actually..."

"Earning a title by birthright is overrated," A dark smile stretches Perpetua's lips. "Take it from me, princess."

You detect a hint of sadness and longing in his tone as he holds you closer for a second, resting his head against yours. You know he has a story to tell, and you can only hope that this isn't the last encounter you have with this curious, dark prince who came crashing into your life like a meteor, for there's no other story you'd rather become well versed in.

For tonight, however, tales of hardship and plight are not invited to this dance. Just for now, it's only you, Perpetua and the bright, beaming face of the full moon as she smiles down at the sight of you both in each other's arms, the world below her now forever changed in light of this meeting.

[caffeinatedwolf84]

You know. I'm positive I'm just taking an excessive amount of copium but like... I feel like as bullshit as it happened, Dean had to die. Don't get me wrong... I don't like it, I hate it, I would have loved for him to live a long happy life. Perhaps make his own version of the Roadhouse. Maybe live in a sort of duplex next to Sam's family. But within the narrative it just couldn't happen. It can happen in fix it fics because they can suspend some of the story-telling or do things that a network wouldn't allow. But as per the story itself? I mean there are better ways it could have happened, I still think it was dumb to basically imply that Chuck was the only reason they were able to hunt decently. But beyond that, I honestly feel Sam had the less satisfying conclusion to his earthly life and frankly, Cas as well.

As for Castiel, despite the people in charge constantly trying to write him out of the story, Cas was the glue for the show. There is a reason he shows up in most promos and conversations for Supernatural as a whole. Even if you hate him, you can not honestly say that the show would have survived 15 seasons with pretty steady viewership most of that time had it not been for Cas. Both his part in the story itself as well as his popularity (not to mention the Destiel folks who desperately clung onto hope that there would be even a crumb of canonization). So to have him confess then just... not show up at the end? That was uncool. Whether it was for the Covid reasons I've seen rumored or planned all along not to have him show up in Heaven, he should have met up with Sam and Dean at the end. Even just the end shot showing him walking up to them, no words needed. It would have been enough. Just to SHOW them all together.

As for Sam, he had shown character change through the seasons. He even admitted early on that his dreams of settling down was kinda going away. So I really don't think it makes sense for him to just settle down in a little white picket fence life like that after finally permanently losing the most important person in his life. I get some of his acceptance of hunting was because it was with Dean, but I feel a more satisfying, and a more realistic, ending would have been him sort of becoming the new Bobby. He knows the lore. He is good with research. He would absolutely be amazing at being a resource for others, even if he doesn't go into the field. The spark of hunting would be gone when he lost Dean, but he could still help save people. And that was something he was big on.

Dean though, he did have to die. (Though again, don't think it should have been like that.) Dean just... isn't the kind of person to retire happily into the sunset. He was 41ish when he died. He had spent literally his entire life hunting. He said before he didn't want to get old. He just... he would not reasonably retire. He would die hunting. At least the way he did it was a way that he could come to grips with accepting it. At least the way it happened it was clean and gave time for a goodbye.

Also, I don't think he would have been able to live a happy long life without Cas. And I'm not even talking about this in a Destiel tone. He literally was falling apart every time Cas died. He needed two things in his life. Sam and Cas. They were both his soul mates. Cas could have come back at some point and Dean could have then gotten a happy ending like previously mentioned, with a Roadhouse and duplex and whatever. But that would have been cheesy to see on screen and just... not fit.

And also, honestly, the whole reason I even think about this, is just...

"Carry on, my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more"

Any time I hear this song... I am just like... It was time for Dean to have his peace. There is even the line "Surely Heaven waits for you" As much as that song became the unofficial song of Supernatural as a whole, it is mostly Dean's song. I feel, honestly, there is no way that a narrative conclusion could be reasonably reached without seeing Dean die.

It's not his death that is the problem, it's the stuff surrounding it (Sam leading a weirdly plain life, Cas not showing up, it being stupidly unimpressive way to die, etc)

Like, they all live on in Heaven. They're not 'gone' they just moved onto another place to exist. With all the universes and realms of existence, simply departing from the Earth they were living on isn't a sad or a bad ending. Especially taking into account all the time they'd experienced (though not lived) in other realms (example being Hell). It wasn't an ending to them, it was simply an ending to the show, and that is what gives so much grace to the ending itself (like had we not even gotten a Heaven scene or knew Cas got out of the Empty that'd be a different story)

It just really REALLY sucks we couldn't see the whole gang together at the very end. I get it was to end it like how it began with just the two of them. But it's still kinda dumb. Because by the end it wasn't just the two of them. It hadn't been just the two of them ever since Dean called himself, Cas, and Sam "Team Free Will" in season 5.

[chaoticace2005]

TADC Episode 6 Part 3: Jax Analysis (Coping Through Emotional Distance (and it isn't working))

Okay so, Jax... there is A LOT that can be said about him this episode, I was hoping we'd get more depth on him with this one, and we certainly did. I've rewatched the scenes with him speaking and it's interesting how much of what he says and does is fake, how much he conflicts himself. Jax is a master at saying one thing, and making big actions that support that, but if you pay close attention you can tell it's mostly performative, because this is how he's learned to cope.

Except, as we can see by the end of the episode, his way of coping is clearly not healthy.

It's all a simulation.

So... let's discuss how he tries to frame things for himself.

“You know none of this is real, right?”

“What’s the point in taking the moral high ground?”

“Look, I know what it’s like. One day, you’re somebody in the real world doing important things. And then, the next, you’re just a weird little cartoon… jester. You want to hold on to that part of you that still thinks it’s part of that world, but in the end what does it get you? Ragatha tries to be all nice and friendly but she gets torn up every other adventure. Whether we like it or not, all we are now is a bunch of cartoon characters. So what’s the point in pretending we’re not?”

“We’re still people though, right?” (Pomni)

“I thought we were at first, but as time goes on we just end up falling into our archetypes. Become part of the machine.”

All these lines show how he's tried to distance himself from things, and in a way how he's also given up on his humanity. Being part of the circus, being an archetype is easier because you don't need to do much thinking.

He seems to have thought differently in the past, what with the way he knows what Pomni is going through, but at a certain point (likely due to Ribbit abstracting) he gave up, because if you're part of the machine, if you're a one-dimensional character, then you don't have to feel complicated emotions. It's ultimately a way for him to protect himself. He tries to force himself into a box (and forces others into boxes with the archetypes he assigns them) to make things easier for himself. If he's just a cartoon character then none of this matters (in a lot of ways, he may be jealous of NPCs and almost prefer to be one, because at least then things are simple.)

“Ragatha’s the cheerful one. Gangle’s the sad one. Kinger’s the crazy one. Zooble’s the grumpy one and you are the one who hasn’t figured that out yet. We all just became archetypes. I at least have the self-awareness to choose who I am.”

And this line shows he believes this is true for everyone in the circus, not just himself. But he believes he is somehow smarter or superior because he is aware of what's happening, he got to choose the box he was put in, while he views the others as "poor fools" who "refuse to realize what's going on." (Because if the "ultimate" form to be in this circus is to become an archetype, then Jax is just helping others find their role, and if nobody else is breaking out of their box, he will have an easier time staying in his own, which is safe.)

I used to think Jax's behaviors had things to do with him trying to maintain hold of his autonomy, but watching this the opposite seems to be true. He tries to force himself into a role he's assigned himself (which allows him to feel some sense of control since he picked the role), tries to pretend nothing matters, but the thing is, in reality, it does.

Because as much as he tries to dismiss it, he is human. Some of the times we see him get the most freaked out are when someone exerts control over him (when Gangle talks to Caine about punishing employees, when he is captured in "training", when he becomes a vegan, when he finds out he lacks a tail, the dress scene.) The tries to act like he doesn't care what happens, but in reality whenever things make him realize he truly is trapped, he seems to break for a split second.

And beyond that, Jax had a very interesting reaction both times he got shot. While most of the other characters seemed to pick up and move on quickly, it seemed to shake him both times. When Ragatha has his gun backfire, he takes out another gun and shoots her several times while breathing heavily, showing he's on edge. And then when Zooble gets the jump on him and Pomni, he has to rest on the floor for the moment (he also says "ow" which... I believe it's been established they can't really feel pain.)

It's possible his strong reactions to these incidents are because he's being reminded that he really is in a simulation, that he isn't (at least in this sense) human, and while he pretends to take it in stride, the truth is he is terrified.

He is one of the characters to talk about being hungry and wanting to eat, as well as wanting to sleep, even though it's been established that neither are necessary for the residents of the circus. The fact he continues to do so shows that in some way he's clinging to what it means to be human, even if he tries to pretend otherwise. He mocks others for clinging to remnants of their past lives, yet in the end he also struggles to remove himself (and his act is likely a way of overcompensating for it, of trying to remind himself of the situation.)

(Someone brought up that this also may be why he's hesitant to stop breathing to see what happens to his body, he might not be afraid of people seeing what happens to him, he might actually be afraid of being reminded that he doesn't need to breathe.)

Pushing People Away.

But Jax's need to remain simple and one-dimensional can face opposition in the face of other people (because other people may remind him of the fact that he is human, may look for more to him, and that just complicates things for him), which leads to him pushing people away. He pushes them away because he's learned to cling to his archetype to survive, and people threaten his ability to maintain it.

But the inverse is also true, because part of why he clings to his archetype is because if he is a one-dimensional character, even he is just a jerk, then when bad things happen he won't be hurt. In a way they feed each other, Jax's archetype has become partly rooted in his pushing people away, and by pushing people away, he is able to remain comfortably in his archetype.

“I’m learning a lot about you today.”

“Let’s not forget, we’re here to kill people.”

We see this after Pomni asks Jax about his fear of corn, and how he may have trypophobia. And this is one of these moments where we see him try to shift the topic away from himself and on to the adventure at hand. It's interesting, given how in the last episode Jax took opportunities to try and get to know Pomni, but he puts distance when she tries to know him. I feel like he is only comfortable with interactions like these when he is the one in the control, since he can work to prevent himself from getting attached. Here, Pomni is the one asking the questions and leading the conversation, getting closer to Jax, and even from early on we see that Jax tries to hide from it.

And then omg everything that happens after they "win."

“We make such a good team!”

When Pomni hugs Jax (and remember that Pomni has been shown to hate physical touch, and this is one of the few times she initiates it. We see him immediately freeze up. Watching it in slow motion, he appears scared at first, and he immediately responds by shoving her away.

This was the breaking point for him I think, in the hallway when he was with Kaufmo and Ribbit's doors he was already acknowledging the fact that he and Pomni were actually beginning to get close, and that terrified him (because it goes against everything he has worked for himself, because getting close to someone is a risk, and possibly because Jax even views himself as dangerous and worries that people who do get close to him end up hurt (which could potentially explain part of his reaction to Ragatha accusing him of "corrupting" Pomni, as well as explain his reaction later on when Pomni mentions him being the reason people abstract.))

“Well to be fair, our competition wasn’t anything crazy.”

His eyes shift from small, pinprick cubes, back into his more "neutral" setting, which seems to again be showcasing him stepping back into his mask and role. When he pushes her away, he immediately tries to brush off the situation and also make it seem lesser than it is as he attempts to regain control.

“Eh, yeah, true… I suppose this is the part where one of us betrays the other.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, you can betray me.”

“Oh I- I thought this was going to be a mutual thing.”

“Nah, nah. Go on, do it.”

As Pomni looks away, Jax goes back to looking at his hand in shock, again possibly showing how much the hug threw him off. And the moment she turns back to him he gets back into character.

Pomni betraying him makes him relax, because this is something that more follows what he would expect given his role and the role Pomni chose for herself. He's quick to let her betray him and seems eager for it to be over with, likely because then that means this adventure will be over and things will go "back to normal." Him telling her to betray him is him attempting to regain control once again, because this is something he can expect, something he can play into.

“I don’t really want to.”

“Laame! Come on, I thought you were cool!”

“We could just be winners. As a team.”

“We’re not a team, come on.”

“What do you mean? Yes we are.”

“Delusional.”

“W-weren’t we kind of bonding over being chaotic evil together?”

“I was merely entertaining you because I thought it was funny. Now are you gonna shoot me, or what?”

But Pomni refuses, and this pushback makes him more desperate. He needs her to shoot him, because if she shoots him he can say that they were never anything more. And when she continues to argue they're a team, he tries to make her upset (Jax falls back to ragebaiting when things get too comfortable), he mocks her, tells her flat out they're not a team, and then even tries to gaslight her by saying she was the delusional one (which could also be a commentary on himself because maybe part of him actually relaxed for a moment too).

Then with that last line he's trying to get ahold of the narrative again, try to cling to the story and the idea that he's the "funny one" and everything he does is simply for his own amusement, turning himself back into the villain. Because if he is the asshole here, and Pomni feels hurt, she'll stop chasing after him.

“Did I… do something wrong?”

“Ugh, you sound like Ragatha right now. No wonder we’re not a team.”

“No I mean- we were doing fine. Having fun, talking. But you suddenly just-”

Pomni seems to quickly latch on to that shift, and notices he's trying to push her away. And I wouldn't be surprised if possibly much earlier in the circus, Ragatha said these exact words to Jax- maybe after Ribbit abstracted he started using these tactics to push everyone away and Ragatha tried to hold on, but he just kept going.

Ragatha leaving him is the best case scenario for him in his opinion, because Ragatha does have a hero complex, and would likely continue to poke and prod. So when he finally does get her to think of him of something as a lost cause, he can finally breathe. The thing is, we see that Ragatha seems to have internalized this as her indeed having done something wrong and "failed him", which he may even be aware of and that just irritates him more, because in his mind he doesn't need "saving."

“You’re not committing. Do it.”

“If I shoot you right now, are we still going to be friends afterwards?”

“We were never friends.”

Here we see Jax's pupils gets here and see him try hard to commit to the bit. We just have a giant grin, with eyes that are blank but also hungry, he plasters on his one-dimensional mask full-stop and tries to goad Pomni into shooting him, but it doesn't work.

“Wh- what about all that stuff you told me?”

“Yeah, I did tell you a lot, didn’t I? Not looking forward to thinking about that tomorrow.”

This is something he seems to try and brush off, making it out to be something small and embarrassing, something he slightly regrets. He tries to play it off in a way where it is like "oh I accidentally said too much here, whoopsie," and make it into something that Pomni should not hold much value in. It was just part of his act and the role he was playing, he got a bit too carried away... but it was in the name of the "game."

But truthfully the fact he said so much terrifies him. He needs her to not care about the things he said because then he can stop thinking about the fact that he messed up. He's trying to cover up the severity of how much this affected him by acting flippant.

“No, no, no, no. We’re not doing this. You’re not going to look me in the eye and tell me that nothing we did together meant anything to you because I know that’s not true.”

“Are you coming on to me? Yeah, that’s what everybody wants- a straight couple.”

“Oh my god, can you take this seriously?! Can you take anything seriously?”

“Dude, you’re a cartoon clown. How am I supposed to take you seriously.”

And here we just have more deflection and ragebaiting, some of Jax's favorite things to do to get out of hard conversations. He says things for shock value, and hopes that it will upset them enough for them to continue what they were originally talking about. Joking about crushes is a classic way to get people to back off because it can make people defensive, and then when that doesn't work he goes to insulting her appearance and making it clear that he WONT take her seriously (except he plays it as being her fault, rather than it being because he REFUSES to), he tries to make it seem like he's accusing her of being the problem, because again, that can make people defensive and she can get angry, as opposed to just digging into him.

He tries to play into her insecurities, targeting her appearance nd the fact people seem to treat her like a child/not take her seriously. And if the idea that their avatars are representative of their insecurities in a way, then him talking about her being a cartoon clown and attributing that to being why he can't take her seriously (because she's a joke), is true then and this is something Jax is aware of, then it is even moreso an attempt at this.

Jax is quite literally trying to press every button he can to regain control of the situation, to get Pomni to act in a way that he has come to expect (these methods of deflection we see used throughout the show on the other characters multiple times, especially Ragatha and Zooble, who both have explosive reactions and try to just shut him down (which he is more comfortable with.))

“Wh- I- You reached out to me, not the other way around. You’re just going to pretend that didn’t happen?”

“You must be misremembering.”

And here we have gaslighting in an attempt to brush her off, as well as another attempt to incite anger, because even if Pomni remains true to her convictions, the fact he's blatantly trying to gaslight her would hopefully make her upset. By being difficult and "rejecting reality", he's again trying to get her focus more on her annoyance of him as opposed to the fact that in reality, she was getting too close.

“Is this why you didn’t show up to Kaufmo’s funeral?”

“I don’t show up to ANY funerals.”

“Yeah I bet you don’t, because you’re scared. You’re scared you’ll actually show a human emotion.”

“I’m scared I'll be bored to tears.”

Here this seems like some of his efforts have paid off, and Pomni is upset because she throws accusations back at him, accusations that have the double meaning of attempting to turn the tables by inciting an emotional reaction from Jax. She's still asking questions, and it seems even then when she's angry that it's still an effort to better understand him, but these questions only make Jax double down on his persona because he doesn't want to be vulnerable, especially likely in regards to funerals.

It's completely possible that he didn't show up to Ribbit's funeral either, but for the complete opposite reason: he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. If he feels personally responsible for Ribbit's abstraction then there also may be a level of thinking he doesn't belong there.

With Kaufmo's funeral, him going would go against the persona he built up, and if he genuinely did show any grief, it would risk people seeing beneath the exterior he put up. (We see in episode 2 when the funeral gets mentioned that Jax's eyes go small for a split second before his face returns to normal with a scowl, showing that there was some cracks in the mask, and he had to scoff at the funeral in an attempt to avoid it breaking any further.)

“Have you ever though that this might be what causes people to abstract in the first place?”

And this. This hits the nail on the head. We see Jax's demeanor immediately change. Pomni seems to be saying here that Jax's approach with apathy for others may likely make people feel unwanted and unimportant, which contributes to their abstractions, but the only thing Jax can hear is her blaming him and trying to claim knowledge of something that he has experience and trauma about.

Alternatively, she could be saying that people burying their emotions is what leads to them abstracting, calling out Jax on what he’s doing. Jax doesn’t hear that though. He hears Pomni accusing him of making people abstract (“corrupting” people in a way).

“Oh my god! Are you seriously gonna blame me for something that everybody else did, too? You didn’t even know him! You don’t even know what people are like before they abstract! They are NOT pleasant to be around– like at all! You-”

And there's the break. He isn't even attempting to act anymore. He is angry and he's still trying to push her away, but things have become personal in a way they weren't before.

His reaction here makes it possible that he has blamed himself for abstractions in the past, and this is his reaction to these insecurities being confronted. Part of him may try to say he isn't the only one at fault because everyone here is the problem (he is unspecific about what "everybody else did" too, but it likely is failing them and not preventing their abstraction.)

And the rest of this is personal, because she doesn't get it. Whatever happened in the past seems to have particularly messed him up (which may be part of why he sped so quickly away from Kaufmo in the pilot, he already tried once with Ribbit, he can't try again.)

But then he catches himself going too far into his own memories, he catches himself saying too much and he just stops. His eyes go bigger again, his smile returns, and he picks the mask back up.

“I’m- I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure you are. Hoo man, this was all sorts of embarrassing, huh? So, you gonna shoot me, or what?”

Pomni genuinely seems shocked by his reaction, and she can see that there is likely something deeper here, so she apologizes, which just likely annoys Jax more because here he was the one who got sloppy, he is embarrassed at himself for letting so much slip, for allowing himself to get so angry (Jax can dish the ragebait but he can't take it), and he desperately tries to grab ahold of things again by changing the subject and making light of the situation, acting again as if this was just an embarrassing little slip up that didn't bother him as much as it did, so Pomni will move on.

“What would you do if I abstracted tomorrow?”

The thing is, here the damage has been done. Jax's behavior has made her ask more questions, and we know from episode 2 that people's reaction (or lack of) to her abstraction is something she is scared of. Given his emotional reaction to her comment about abstractions, I think she is trying to better understand here. Because Jax pretends to be apathetic about abstractions when they clearly get to him.

But that isn't the only point of her asking, part of her really does genuinely want to know.

This question also serves the point of Pomni seeing just how far Jax will go with his act, because it seems clear that despite his words, he does feel things. This is her giving him a chance to be honest, to see how far he'll take things to push her away (all while hurting her.)

“I’d move on. I’d probably forget about you.”

“Okay. Okay. I understand.”

And here she gets his answer, because he stays true to his facade. Even though we've seen time and time again in this very conversation that his efforts to remain relaxed and uncaring aren't working. Jax says the most hurtful thing he can to push her away, and I think the answer both hurts Pomni (not just because of the answer (which she may not completely believe), but because he was willing to say it) and disappoints her because of how hard he clearly is clinging to things. She sees how Jax refuses to be genuine or open up, even in regards to a very serious topic. He's valuing to comfort of this role he has created for himself over the feelings of others, again.

“Jeez, you really can’t take a joke, can you?”

Here, Jax is again trying to reclaim his archetype as the "funny one", he's supposed to hurt people because it's funny, not because he's scared of them getting too close, so this is thrown in. He wants her to know he's not serious, but he also wants her to see him as an asshole who would say things like that as a "joke."

And it sets Pomni off, because she can still see him clinging to this role, she can see his willingness to say such hurtful things for the sake of this facade, and she's angry. Because she knows he isn't being funny. She either knows he's scared and is pissed at him for trying to claim otherwise, or she's specifically calling him out for the fact saying things like that isn't funny (and I think the thing is, Jax knows it's not funny, but it's "what his character would do", the mask Jax holds says horrible things for his own amusement, knowing nobody else thinks they're funny and it just distances himself further from them.)

“You’re not the funny one!”

Because he isn't. And he's not just the mean one either. He's the scared one. He's the coward who refuses to admit his emotions and chooses to hide behind a mask, choosing to hurt people so he can feel safe.

“Uh, I don’t think that counts.”

“Fight back!”

“Are you crazy?!”

“I said fight back!”

“What’s wrong with you?!”

“Why didn’t you fight back?”

Pomni is just done, she is exhausted. She attacks him because if what he's saying is true, if he really doesn't care, then he shouldn't have any problem with fighting back. If he is so fine with hurting people, then that should extend here. Except Jax doesn't, he's genuinely thrown off by her reaction, and because of this he forgets the person he is supposed to be. If Jax had his wits about him, he probably would hurt her back, but the thing is it just catches him off guard, and his reactions to her attacks are genuine. He puts in a half-attempt to call her crazy and brush her reaction off, but still he doesn't fully commit to his act.

And Pomni sees that Jax doesn't fight back, which only proves that he's lying. She wants him to just finally be honest, to admit that he does care but is scared. But instead Jax uses the moment he gets out to truly double down on everything.

“Oh, here we go, here we go! Because I didn’t fight back that means I secretly care about you?! I’m just a misunderstood chicken fetus in an egg that needs to be cracked open. Well I. Am. Not. I do not care about you or anyone else in this circus in the slightest! End of story. You are my play things and I get joy out of making you suffer! I’m the one who causes pain for fun! If I led you on it was just to make this part hurt you more.”

One thing I noticed here, his eyes are smaller. Usually when Jax is being sadistic and playing his role, his eyes are big. The fact that they're so small here shows that despite his best efforts, he isn't all there. Everything he says here is likely what he genuinely tries to tell himself.

He throws everything he can to try and make her think he's a lost cause, a villain, he begs her to stop. This is him laying everything about who he is supposed to be flat out. This is the role he has constructed that he forces himself to play, because if he is just this then there is nothing more for people to look for. This is who he needs to be (okay now I'm thinking about Angel Dust's breakdown in episode 4 of Hazbin), because if he's that, then everything is easier.

“F*ck.”

And then he turns away and immediately is annoyed with himself, because he knows he let this get too far out of control. We see him look down at his hand again (the same hand he looked at after Pomni hugged him) and he's realizing how much he messed up.

“F*ck.”

“There’s nothing more to me. So please, just stop looking.”

This is his plea. He's exhausted. He knows Pomni may not have completely bought into everything, so he's hoping that if he hasn't pushed her away with his words and actions, then she will just be kind enough to leave him alone. He breaks character because he doesn't know what else to do, and he can't have her keep pressing.

We see from his appearance alone how tired he is, and he no longer even tries to hide it. For that moment he lets Pomni see things, because he's tired and has no other cards left to play.

It also may be part of him showing genuine remorse, the part of him that does want companionship trying to communicate that he is sorry, that he needs to do this, and that Pomni just leave Jax alone as a lost cause. He's resigned to his fate, to his mask, and is begging her to move on. All while unintentionally communicating to her and the audience how desperate and tired he is.

AND THEN we get the scene with the awards, where Jax sits away from everyone else, likely out of embarassment, because he knows he let himself fall too much, he revealed too much, and he's so tired that he can't handle continuing to put on a show. Beyond that, he also doesn't want to see how Pomni ultimately took things, because part of him didn't want to hurt her, but he saw it as necessary, and he's even more scared that she hasn't let go, that she's still looking, because he no longer has the energy to perform. All the energy he had is currently gone, and he's struggling to hold himself together in his seat. He's overwhelmed, and likely feeling everything at once, feeling things he tries hard not to feel because he doesn't have the ability to block it out anymore, and it's overstimulating.

So he goes into the bathroom and has a panic attack, because even when he's this overwhelmed, he refuses to break down in public. And then we see everything hit him at once, the exhaustion, the emotional rollercoaster, and the conflicting feelings he has because he is terrified, he didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't have a choice, and he hates himself for feeling so much about this. Because the fact he's feeling so much proves that despite his best effort he's still failing at what he has set himself out to be.

This episode, we fully get to see both some of the reasons behind Jax's actions (fear) and also the fact that despite everything he is falling apart. He wants to force himself to be a one-dimensional character, he tries to push everything down, but it's not working. His need to distance himself has hurt the people around him as well as himself, but he refuses to change or do anything to be better because he doesn't know what else to do. He's grown so used to this routine, and even if it is chipping away at him, the thought of not having it at all terrifies him.

He tries to tell himself it isn’t real, that he should abandon his humanity, that he needs to hold on to this role he’s given himself in order to be safe, yet we see actions that directly conflict that. The way he reacts to getting shot as well as him continuing the routine of eating and sleeping shows that he does continue to perceive himself as a human, as much as he tries to push it down. The role he has is hurting him and the people around him, and it’s the thing putting him the most at risk. He tells himself that he and everyone else need to be one-dimensional archetypes in order to survive the circus, but the truth is the opposite. They’re people, they can’t abandon their humanity because they aren’t machines (and even when someone abstracts, we see that part of who they are may still remain, the people they are chafe against the coding of the circus and the rules it’s set up.) Jax, for all his chaos, is the one trying to hardest to “do what he’s supposed to do” in an effort to preserve himself (as well as possibly distancing himself from others so they won’t get hurt). He’s not an NPC, but he sure as hell would like to be.

[vimehemii]

more he xuan ramblings (spoilers for tgcf vol. 4-6)

I know one of the most popular interpretations of He Xuan in fanon is that he had known all along that Shi Qingxuan had received his fate, but a part of me wonders why so little posts, discussions, fics etc explore the other possibility - the one provided in the book, according to which although He Xuan had been keeping tabs on Shi Wudu and trying to figure out what exactly happened, he did not know the full extent of the truth until the information was deliberately leaked to him by Jun Wu in order to trigger the Black Water arc and get rid of Shi Wudu.

i'm not trying to invalidate the other theory, because when it comes to He Xuan there is so much we don't know that we can only speculate and that just makes his character more intriguing and fun to analyse. But I guess it's a little odd to me that the fandom seems to have accepted just one interpretation, as if it's canon and not simply one of the theories. I went back to the novel countless times to find evidence of that being true (cuz I was like... did I miss something when I was reading lol), and we actually do not learn anything that would suggest that He Xuan somehow absorbed all of the Reverend of Empty Words' memories upon defeating and consuming him, it's just a popular fanon assumption. I guess it makes sense that He Xuan would have been smart enough to figure it all out even without Jun Wu's tip. And perhaps he really did. But... why is the alternative never explored, even though it's the most obvious explanation and one offered by Hua Cheng, who is typically a reliable source of information throughout the novel?

Usually whenever Hua Cheng comes up with a theory, it is meant to point us towards the truth. Xie Lian's POV is misleading at times, but Hua Cheng's deductions are usually pretty trustworthy. Why did the fandom collectively choose to dismiss it as obviously incorrect...? What if it is what really happened?

I hope this doesn't come across as an attack, because ultimately we don't know what exactly happened behind the scenes, but after reading hundreds of fics and posts I'm surprised at the fact that only one interpretation has cemented itself as some objective truth about He Xuan and his motivation (e.g. all the popular memes about how he knew all along he had to take his revenge on Shi Qingxuan but waited and waited for one reason or another). We don't know that! There is so much we don't know for certain. And I think it would be super interesting to explore a scenario in which He Xuan doubted Shi Wudu and collected dirt on him, but did not know for sure whether Shi Qingxuan was involved - they seemed innocent enough, they cared about justice and fairness and never seemed undeserving of their divine status. We also don't know if Shi Qingxuan had ever shared their past with 'Ming Yi', close friends or not, my personal take on that would be that they were instructed to keep their mouth shut about that and never mention it to a soul, otherwise Shi Wudu would've had a stroke. Well, we don't know this for sure.

Another thing that confuses me a lot is the popular misconception that He Xuan became a ghost for revenge against Shi Wudu and Shi Qingxuan specifically. We know that at the moment of his death he saw Shi Wudu and found his presence deeply suspicious, which led to him returning as a ghost to investigate the matter. Even as he became a Supreme, he still knew nothing since it was prior to him infiltrating heavens. Years before he even met Shi Qingxuan or was aware of their existence (probably). Yes, he returned for the truth and for revenge, but it had nothing to do with Shi Qingxuan (yet).

[sealpatterns]

Good, cause I have more ideas >:3

Mira being fucking confused when Rumi doesn't feel at all challenged by her. And even more confused when it seems like Rumi actively welcomes the presence of another alpha.

Rumi taking Mira out to patrol their territory. More confused Mira, but she goes along with it.

Rumi gets very affectionate with Zoey when brought food. Cause with demons, omegas are the ones that provide food most of the time. (the alpha is the one who makes sure everyone gets their share)

Rumi tires to curb the affectionate licking and biting, but sometimes she just has to. Zoey acclimates pretty quick to it (and will often bite or lick back). Mira thinks it's strange.

Mira does however, quickly adapt to Rumi wanting to do her hair, and vice versa.

Because Rumi has scent glands between her fingers, she prefers interlocking finger hand holds.

Rumi uses human omegavers terminology cause that's what she grew up with. So she'd call her pride her pack.

Rumi considers bobby a part of her pack. (so do Zoey and Mira)

Rumi thinks Mira is insanely attractive. For demons, liking long hair on alphas is like liking boobs on women. The basic normal stuff most people like. This also means Rumi is very attractive by demon standards.

The Saja boys being confused because they can detect a human's pheromones, as demons and humans aren't supposed to be able to detect each others pheromones. Rumi however, does know why. And she has to pretend to not to notice the Saja Boys' pheromones. On that note, Rumi is often able to find demons by smell.

Rumi tries to suppress her demon alpha instincts, but the presence of the Saja boys makes it harder. Like she might hiss at them, even though she has trained herself to growl.

One time she slips and calls Jinu the Saja Boys' alpha. When asks how she knows this, Rumi lies and says it's because he's clearly the leader. This lie doesn't really work though, as alphas aren't necessarily the leader in kpop groups.

Sparing with her girls literally means so much to Rumi

Child rumi having more cat like body language. Like when she wanted to play fight with Celine, she'd run up to her, and then running backwards (in cats this is an invitation to play fight). eventually Celine asked why she was doing that and Rumi was like "I wanna spar"

Play hunts her pack members by sneaking up on them.

Rumi's alpha instincts screaming at her that Mira and Zoey are rejecting her as an alpha even though, logically, she knows that's probably not the case.

Literally all of Rumi's weird alpha behaviors make sense after the end of the events of the move. For convenience sake, let's say there's a book on demon omagavers Rumi's dad left her. Mira and Zoey would adapt. And yes, they are very into her lioness nature.

Rumi is relived, as now she can interact the way her instinct tell her too.

She is also very happy to get to go to the bath house with them, and engage with her full social grooming tendencies. And to her surprise, Mira and Zoey start cleaning her as well. She might start crying.

Okay so, I just had an interesting kpdh omegaverse though. What if demons and humans both have omegavers shenanigans going on, but demon omegavers is mor based on lion pride dynamics, and human omegaverse is your typical wolf stuf.

Let's say you can only present one type of behavior, so Rumi would display more demon like A/B/O. However, she can be effected by demon pheromones an human pheromones. Her pheromones can effect both humans and demons. Rumi is an alpha.

Lion omegavers stuff

Alphas: stronger and tougher, patrol territory, protects and cares for pride.

Betas: Typical beta being the mediator, but can fill in for alphas or omegas should the need arise. Better endurance ( also stronger and tougher than omegas, not as strong as an alpha. faster and squishier than an alpha, not as fast or as squishy as an omega).

Omegas: faster and squishier, hunts/gathers food, typically they do den stuff.

Now, demons are more likely to have co-alpha situations, as lion prides will typically have two male lions. However, with demons there is a lot more pressure to be good leaders, as if the betas and omegas are unhappy with their alphas, they will start to get aggressive and will kick their alphas out, often violently. Betas become especially useful when this happens, so the pride is not completely without protection (some times a beta will become an alpha if the pride goes too long with out one. they can also become an omega if here aren't enough).

extra info:

Social grooming is a big thing. Like demon prides are often seen bathing and washing each other, as well as caring for each others hair. Everyone will groom each other, regardless of status.

scent glands are on the cheeks (and around the face), in-between the fingers (pluss on the palm), and along the spine (in cats its along the tail, but demons don't have those soooo)

The demon voice is an alpha thing, and like a lion roar, is used to mark territory. It's also used to intimidate, or when strong emotion is present.

Alphas, betas and omegas, will all use their scent to mark their territory (alphas tend to do it the most though).

biting is considered affectionate if done lightly

licking is also affectionate

more likely to be night owls

everyone has fangs

play fighting!

Head hair on alphas tends to grow *very* fast. Longer, and softer hair is seen as very attractive

So like imagen Rumi starting to present as an alpha, but like, the behaviors she exabits are kinda unusual. Such as paroling her territory at night and screaming (she has not yet unlocked demon voice due to suppressing it). Also once she acclimates to having Mira and Zoey in her territory, she is completely fine with Mira also being an alpha and does not feel challenged by her presence at all.

Scent marks things religiously

Celine braiding her hair was really meaningful Rumi when she was a kid due to the social grooming instincts (Rumi would also brush Celine's hair)

due to the social grooming thing, the girls doing each others hair becomes a very normal thing

Rumi *really* wants to be able to go to the bath house with them but can't cause demon marks (is relieved when she's finally able to)

hisses as apposed to growls. this is seen as odd

really, a lot of Rumi's behaviors are seen as odd. Like imagen her trying to mask her instincts cause they aren't "normal"

but like, if she doesn't go outside and scream at the top of her lungs, she'll get generally anxious, and worried she's doing a bad job

she'll want to scent mark Mira and Zoey by rubbing her cheeks on them, but humans don't have scent glands there, so this doesn't make sense to them

Rumi purrs. She actively tries to hide this

Like there would be a lot of similar instincts. Rumi just acts noticeably different

OH MY GOD! THIS! EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS! I LOVE THIS!

Rumi just being a little wrong, not totally off the rails weird, but noticeably off is one of my favorite things...NOW COMBINE IT WITH A/B/O????? oh god now you're cooking

Post canon Rumi embracing all the lioness parts of herself post movie and Zoey and Mira eating it up

This is genuinely so cool and unique, I wanna kiss your brain

[elisedonut]

I think if I were to put Percy in an alternate house Id actually make him a puff

like i get where people are coming from with he's ambitious = he's Slytherin like yeah makes sense

but I think i could make the same argument with He's hardworking = he's Hufflepuff

though this is more for like outside reasons

If he (or any Weasley really) was put in Slytherin i think the rest of the family would really not take it well at all

I wont say to extent of outright disownment but the way that person would be treated would be way worse especially by their siblings

that disappointment would be there with any house tbh but with like Hufflepuff it gets turned into a small thing

light jabs and such vs outright hostility

little things that build up over time that fit's thematically with how Percy felt less and less like he belonged in his family but that said family didn't think anything of saying

vs a strong explosion that a Slytherin sorting would cause

[fernlessbastard]

hot take moment cwilbur is literally just psychotic as all hell and i think people got way too comfortable villianizing the shit out of a man who was clearly portraying signs of severe mental illness. cwilbur was like im so fucking paranoid and scared and i think everyone is out to get me and hurt me and ive spiralled to the point i cant reach out to the people closest to me because im so afraid and lost in this spiral and im having constant panic attacks and hurting myself because i dong know what to do with myself and the only way out for me is to die. and everybody was like EVIL MAN WHO ENJOYS HURTING OTHERS AND IS ABUSIVE ON PURPOSE AND A VILLAIN AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED AGAIN. and then he came back and was like im still deeply troubled and afraid but im desperately trying to make up for the wrongs i did in the past and the people i hurt in my own way and communication is really hard for me but i hope people know that im truely sorry and i love them. im going to try my hardest to fix this in the only way i know how and then respectfully remove myself from the situation because i feel thats the kindest thing i can do to the people ive hurt. and people were like ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER EVIL MAN ABUSER. like girl

Yeah no based true real no questions asked

I'd hope I manage to portray Wilbur the way he deserves in my content, cause that man is heavily bpd coded and he just needs therapy and someone who genuinely loves him but also can handle his bullshit (which has exclusively and reliably been Quackity like, canonically)

But yeah no completely agreed. The man has issues and has definitely fucked up a lot but at the end of the day he really does need love and care and patience, but also boundaries (and therapy and meds, obviously)

[scoliosisgoblin]

Which version of Rick is your fav?

it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick

then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick

I love how pathetic™ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?

[paramythas]

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐎 𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐈𝐍 acknowledgement because she hadn't asked to be coddled. He has to choose- is Neo a threat or isn't she?- and treat her accordingly, if he's going to.

So if he's expecting that to upset her, he's going to be disappointed. Neo knows she's dangerous. She was trained to be dangerous, and then she had to make herself more dangerous out of nothing but pure spite. 'Dangerous' isn't a bad thing, or even an insult when it comes to her- it's an objective fact.

So when he continues, she's not sure what he's trying to get at. Neo became the kind of person she is early, and so far in her life, only one person's warranted her acting any other way. Only one person's ever really made her want to. Which isn't to say that Neo goes into every interaction with the intent of impressing just what a problem she can be on people, but that most people who spend more than any cursory amount of time with her treat her the same way.

If you're trying to sell me a recruitment pitch, I already told you: I'm not joining the mafia.

Especially not after this. While Chuuya might have his reasons, and might find those reasons satisfactory enough reasons to go back on his word to her, Neo doesn't really care. She's selfish that way. If he'd at least brought it up to her first, explained the situation- and it does sound like a Situation in the sternest sense of the word- then she could have been convinced, for convenience's sake, to let him tell.

That there wasn't even that much consideration is another point against him.

How can he keep saying that she has to earn his trust- earn their trust, apparently- when he so repeatedly refuses to realize that it goes both ways and she at least, has been trying?

And the thing is he's right- she isn't stupid. However things are different as a criminal when you're essentially a two-person operation. Just because Roman occasionally hired peons didn't mean any of them meant anything- and maybe that's where the disconnect is.

Not that it really matters- it's one that she's not sure can be reconciled.

What bothers her, now, is that she's ended up wrapped up in another fucking fight that she never wanted to join to begin with. She just wanted to work, find a familiar way to get a paycheck and maybe meet a person or two to hang out with. This, more than anything else, is what makes her hesitate in turning around in leaving again, and she crosses her arms- though Hush remains unsheathed- giving him a narrow-eyed stare as she takes a moment to put together what she wants to ask.

Feel like telling me that greasy bitch you showed me was going to try and kill me just for existing was a thing. Didn't you say he has an ability too though? Isn't that kind of-?

Hypocritical- which seems to go around a lot, she thinks. So it makes sense, in a fucked up way, even if she doesn't like it.

Anything else like that I should know about? Other ability users who'll hear that I'm chummy with you and come for my throat, for example? Maybe try and brainwash me to join their side?

She doesn't bring up his apology. In fact, she doesn't acknowledge that she's even heard it, because it's not one. 'Sorry your feelings are hurt, but here's why that's stupid' doesn't really count for much to her.

"You're dangerous," he repeats, succinctly and without hesitation, making no effort to soften his words.

He's always leaned more into hard truths. Sometimes that serves him well. Whether or not it will here, he was just going to find out.

"Whether you want to be or not. If you trust nothing else, trust me when I say I have plenty experience with that. But that doesn't mean that you have to act like it, or that you have to be alone because of it. Even if the rest of the world doesn't like people like that," like himself, maybe like her, by the sounds of it, "there's a place for that here. This is somewhere that rewards being dangerous, but that also means for every dangerous person we take in, we have to take precautions. All of us here have done our time under the microscope proving ourselves, including me."

And if she's had as much experience with crime rings as that cat of hers claimed, suffered being back-stabbed the way she has, then he doesn't think he really needs to explain why those precautions are necessary.

Neo is stubborn and a little bit paranoid, but she's not stupid.

"And maybe it doesn't have to do with you directly, but you're working with the Port Mafia now, which means at some point it will concern you. And even if you weren't, not all our enemies are small time local gangs that you can just get rid of in a night. As far as anyone in this world is concerned, you're an Ability user, same as I am, and Fyodor's war is on all Ability users. He poses a global threat, so unless you're going to go find yourself some uncharted island separate from all of society or hop to another world entirely, chances are good you're not going to be able to avoid it until that bastard is dead, and none of us know how to kill him yet."

Theories, yes.

Dazai, probably.

But Fyodor knows of Dazai's Ability, and the man had managed to outsmart them all, one insult after another. Even with everyone's combined efforts, even with people like Dazai and Mori making active plans to counter him, they still kept falling for that man's damn schemes one after another.

For a moment, he steps back, takes a breath, and tries to force some of his nerves to settle. To take some of the edge off his own voice.

"...you still don't know a lot about this world, and you haven't met Fyodor, so I don't blame you for not being able to see our reasons in everything. I'm sure you have your reasons as well for all of the things you do or that you see in what we do. I'm not going to lie and pretend that the Mafia isn't the type of organization that uses people for gain, but you already knew that the moment you signed on, right? I'm genuinely trying to work with you, as best as I know how, and as much as circumstances allow. I'm sorry if that doesn't look how you think it should, but I am trying."